#I just like the solid two years
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Update for Martyr because I will not be finishing everything on my birthday. I will be finishing Martyr on Martyr’s Birthday
Here are the release dates:
Chapter 11 on March 18th (my birthday)
Chapter 12 on April 7th
Chapter 13 on April 28th
Chapter 14 on 16 May (Martyr’s Birthday)
I love you all!
Drink water, eat food, unclench your jaw
#lu martyr#I just like the solid two years#16 May 2022 - 16 May 2024 just feels like a complete loop or something#Trying to complete 4 chapters was not gonna work#Sorry everyone… I tried
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More Jason and Cass thoughts (sorry but also not sorry) but if I was magically given full control over DC and could write what I'd want obviously I'd make Cass Batman but I've been thinking of what sort of reaction and role Jason would have in response. I think I'd write his version of "Congrats on the new job!" as a test, involving the Joker and civilians and gangs and Red Hood and a ton of explosives. Bruce failed me, and now he's given up. You're his successor, let's see how you handle this dilemma that freaked him out so badly he threw a batarang into my throat rather than let me avenge my own death in front of him.
So obviously Cass will overcome the traps and the puzzles. That's the fun part to show how competent both of them are and sprinkle in little character moments as we go. But then we reach the emotional crux of the matter, probably laid out as some sort of saw trap because it's Jason. Here I am, a victim of murder. You say nobody dies tonight but I did, and I want the man who did it dead. Not only did Batman fail to avenge me but he failed to stop the Joker from going on to create even more victims. What right do you have to stop me from getting justice for myself? What right does this man have to life after what he's taken from me and from countless others? I'm not trying to kill a random stranger, I'm specifically demanding justice for my own death that I never got while I was gone.
There are two ways this could go. The straightforward route if I knew my time on this run was limited would probably be a pyrrhic victory like the ones Cass's og series was so fond of. Just like Bruce in utrh, she acts on instinct and saves the Joker (and Jason this time) . A win technically, but she fails the test. Jason is once again vindicated but with nothing to show for it. The story ends with Cass sending the Joker back to jail and going back to the batcave, where the old Robin costume looms judgementally, highlighting her failure. It would be the most fitting end given their character molds, all tragedy and conviction and unstoppable force meets immovable object etc.
However... I think the option I prefer would be a little different. Cass levelling with Jason, a killer talking to a murder victim. She has no right to stop Jason from getting justice, she has no love for the Joker but she knows any death she allows to happen like this would devastate her, just like that death row inmate long ago she tried to break out but ended up letting go once the family of the victim talked to her and demanded justice. I think... In this specific situation, she'd just be honest. Morally she has no right sure. Personally she just really really doesn't want anyone to die. Give her one chance, please. Let her try it her way. Not demanding, not lecturing or insisting, just... Please. Don't do this. Let me try another way.
And then what? Jason asks.
In the end a deal is struck. Cass will take the Joker and lock him up, ensuring he never harms anyone again while also trying to rehabilitate him. But the second she fails and he gets free, Jason kills him and she won't stand in his way. It's the kind of deal that leaves both of them mildly disgusted and dissatisfied with themselves, neither of them naturally creatures of compromise when it comes to this specific topic. But Cass is willing to do anything to avoid death and Jason did not expect the new Bat to be so... Flexible? Kind of? Of course maybe she won't actually hold up her end of the deal and when the Joker gets loose she'll try and stop Jason from killing him and he'll get his miserable vindication, but right now this is something strange and new and he's mildly confused and curious about where it will go. He doesn't believe in her ability to contain the Joker forever but he's willing to let her try because her reaction to that future failure interests him. She's given him a sword of damocles to hang above her head and he didn't ask for it or expect it. It's the type of power he never thought the Bat would just... Hand to him.
The conflict ends with neither of them fully winning or losing. They both don't really know what to feel about this.
The thing is, the second Cass let's Jason kill the Joker she's hanging up the mantle. She's staking the Bat on this, because it's always go big or go home with her when it comes to saving others, even someone like the Joker. In this magical universe where I have unlimited power, Cass would lock the Joker in a secret bunker and have Leslie Thompkins talk to him daily, mostly because I think her pacifism speeches and debates in the comics would make a fun contrast to the Joker's evil sadism. (But what about his rights? Doesn't he deserve a trial and to be held in a regular prison? I'm going to be honest I think Cass would be very comfortable bending the rules on this specific situation. Morally questionable but I'd have fun with it. She's going to let Leslie treat Joker like her personal pet project to save his soul because yes she wants him to change but also she's got a city to save every night so go crazy Leslie, have fun.)
And the Batman series would continue with Cass as the lead, new challenges and new antagonists and every twenty issues or so for the first hundred we'll cut back to the Joker briefly if his chats with Leslie can help highlight some thematic element of the current arc. But bit by bit he'd slowly fade away onto oblivion, maybe getting referenced every hundred issues or so until eventually no one remembers or cares about him because there's so much else going on. Meanwhile Jason's got a good thing going as Red Hood, primarily based in Park Row and a tentative ally on the occasion when their vigilante work aligns. Unlike Joker he's a much more frequent character in the comics, and after say 10 years (this is my magical fantasy universe Cass's batman run is going to last for a very long time alright) when people think of DC characters they think of Red Hood long before they think of the Joker.
Is any of this realistic? Right now of course not. It's why I'd go with the pyrrhic victory if I actually got the chance, because it would be the best way to tell the story in the larger context of the Bat narrative. But it's my fantasy DC editor and writer daydream and I'm going to dream big. They're never going to be normal happy siblings, their personal demons will never fully let them be free and the looming possibility of losing everything they currently have narrative wise if Bruce comes back as Batman will always be there. But it's maybe the closest to peace they'll ever get. Unsatisfying and tame compromise that probably violates several laws and ethical codes but whatever. Cass has never read the Geneva convention and Jason's not going to shed tears over the Joker. Let him die relevancy wise if not physically.
#dc#cassandra cain#batfam#dc rambles#Jason Todd#In terms of the larger meta narrative ultimately whether the Joker dies or gets locked up is irrelevant#But Cass will never be willing to just let someone die without trying to the very end to make her case for their life#And I think it's entirely possible Jason would reject her proposal and we're back to square one#But I think the two main reasons to me that he'd accept is one. Cass betting her career on this. She doesn't need to do that.#She could save the Joker and fail Jason's personal test and that would be that. Her actually reaching out#Being willing to risk something precious just to try and compromise with Jason. It would be more than he expected#From a family that he understandably believes he does not matter enough to#And secondly is the long term consequence of the Joker fading into irrelevancy while Jason maintains his prominence as a character#A reverse of his death where he was turned into nothing but a footnote and a memorial for Batman angst#While the Joker went on to gain even more narrative power as Batman's Greatest Enemy#Now he is nothing. And Jason is alive and a solid part of the mythos#It would take time obviously but ultimately from a Doylist sense to me it's the most satisfying resolution#Maybe after like 10 years Cass can die again briefly the Joker gets out and Jason gets to kill him to give Maps some fun Robin angst#But ultimately it's very important to me that if Cass becomes batman the Joker must become irrelevant#He's just not useful enough thematically to be worth his current narrative weight when she's running the show
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Something About Jason Todd In The Future I Guess
Jason Todd, in the eyes of the world at large, is a mildly successful author who lives on his father’s trust fund. He is in the minority of his siblings to have a college degree, and he was missing for a significant period of time, presumed dead. He is 28 years old, and he spends his nights grappling from rooftops as part of a flock of colorfully dressed birds, striking fear into their lawless, beautiful city.
He is the Red Hood. He protects the parts of the city many glance over.
He is the only bird in this flock with fresh blood on its talons.
Two of his younger siblings are birds of prey who have learned to eat nuts and seeds. He is a songbird who has learned to hunt.
He does not do so carelessly.
It has taken him the better part of a decade, but he has learned the ways he is different to his siblings. To his father.
For them, killing would be easy.
For him, it is never easy.
He feels the blood of each body on his hands. He knows the story behind each one. This does not paralyze him, as it would his older brother, or deaden him, as it would his younger brothers.
Each person he kills has a life. Each bloody body tells a story.
He was one of those stories, once, after all.
But every person he saves has a life, too. And every story has to end sometime.
The Red Hood kills. It is a tool, one of many in his arsenal. Once, it might have been his tool of choice, but he knows better, now.
This flock knows better than anyone, after all, that there are worse things than death.
#red hood#jason todd#dc#batman#batfamily#batfam#this is just kind of a personal thought thing that might be part of some kind of future AU thing I do eventually#I know we appreciate the angst and everything in this fandom but I do want to see this family all reconciled and a full team#fight me etc etc#murder is wrong. to be clear. in our real world#but our world is a different one than existed a hundred years ago#let alone the world that exists in comic books#anyway the gist of my future AU is jason becomes batman because bruce offers it#and he actively chooses to give up killing to take the mantle#because that is the choice bruce offers him and bruce trusts him to be true to it#because jason is the son most like his father. in my view.#i think him inheriting batman would be a solid way for his arc to go#jason goes onto turn the manor into basically a full foster home and shelter to bruce's delight as a grandfather of like two dozen#terry and carrie are among jason's own flock of birds
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I wonder if Brennan Lee Mulligan feels he can relate to Polly from Monstrous Regiment
#there was this one gag where polly’s friend accidentally calls her polly (she’s pretending to be a male solider and her soldier name was#oliver) and the enemy soldier they captured was like why does ur squad call u pollu#and polly was like *gritted teeth* ‘i know a lot about birds’#so then the enemy solider points up and says then what are those birds#polly looks up and looks back down at the enemy soldier and is like don’t distract me#and the enemy soldier is like so u DONT know a lot abt birds#and polly is like no I was just wondering why [correct and specific identification of bird species] is this far north this time of year#that’s why i stared at them weird (genuine)#brennan lee mulligan#dimension 20#simu's two cents
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#kyogre#weird to think this means we're nearing the end of gen 3. growing ever closer to gen 6 where i'm gonna have to re-source my models#*that's* gonna be rough. but for now y'know we still have a bit to go. it's just weird to see the end of gen 3#i feel like‚ weirdly‚ i never thought it'd get this far. mostly bc i kinda quit this blog for a solid like two years after i first started#it until ONE individual kept going back and reblogging one of its old posts. and then i was like. y'know what. let's bring it back#and then the furret post kinda got it to where it is today. it's no 20k-follower behemoth like realpokemon. not even close. but it's more#eyes on something i'm doing than i've ever had before. so y'know. thanks for sticking with me this long#now i am going to NOT forget primal kyogre and groudon. lemme do those. also this guy is like a postgame fight in rt or whatever
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PSA, keep your dog on a leash when you're in a public, unfenced area. dedicated to the lady that just tried to reassure me, "no she's nice! put your dog down! she's nice!" babe i believe you when you say your dog is nice. what you have not considered is that the dog I am holding is NOT nice and WILL attempt to attack your dog if I put him down. also we are RIGHT next to a busy road and there is Nothing stopping your dog from running into traffic. pls put her on a leash im literally begging you it is SO dangerous for her to not be on a leash here
#rye.txt#the dog I was walking is my grandma's dog and#for the first 10 years of his life#he was NEVER around other dogs or socialized with them#he is CRAZY reactive but it's never been a problem because I keep him on a short leash+harness so there's no chance of him#slipping out and charging at another dog#bUT THAT DOESNT HELP WHEN YOU ENCOUNTER A DOG THATS NOT ON A LEASH AND SPRINTS DIRECTLY AT YOU#im lucky he wears a harness for walks because I was able to just snatch him up directly with the leash#and then spent a solid two minutes dodging the excited dog with her owner going 'put your dog down! she's nice! put him down!'#trying to explain to this woman that I cannot in fact put him down because he WILL start a fight with your dog#it literally took several minutes before the woman realized I was saying 'yes your dog might be nice but MINE ISNT'#'NOW PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD PUT HER ON A LEASH'#augh im so frustrated. like I get what she was saying. she was trying to diffuse the situation like#the dogs just need to get acquainted and then they'll play#but like. GIRL. you are at least in your mid 40s you should be old enough to be able to listen when people tell you that a situation is bad
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a thing i enjoy: putting characters that aren't even aro (like not even in a headcanon way) in a qpr. because some allo people irl can be happy in qprs too. bc qprs aren't just an offbrand replacement for romance, created just for ppl who can't have "the real thing" to settle for
#eliot posts#i just remembered one of my old fics#which is about two characters getting into a qpr#(though they're both pretty young and i don't think spend much time online so they don't quite know The Word For It yet)#and while i actually don't have any solid headcanons for either of them i decided to make one be bi for that one#and he talked about how he's had crushes before and doesn't have a crush on that other character#but wants to spend the rest of his life with them nonetheless#very based of past me#also reading back on this fic wow i REALLY chanelled a lot of my teenaged self's feelings into it#tho i wasn't in a qpr it's like. i put a lot of my aro fears and feelings about my friends into the dialogue#i wrote the fic just like a year ago but had forgotten a lot of it and was pleasantly surprised rereading it
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The smiths fursona
#and Morrissey fanart#yeppppp we are doing this now#smiths#fanart#it’s on the roster now#I don’t think I’ve posted anything I’ve drawn in like 6 months#maybe more then that#a good solid year since I’ve posted drawing consistently#maybe two years ????#also don’t ask me about why I chose which animals#johnny marr#feline is kinda right but Morrissey like… coyote#I don’t know man there was no thought behind it#I’m terrible at picking out species for people#everyone’s just a dog or a cat to me
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Have you heard Mad Rat Monday? On paper it's a meme album and at some parts it is, but I mean. there's Leitmotifs in here. and Themes. look what they did with Mimosette https://youtu.be/Zmfuk_Zf9mY?si=nZ87vP8aqyyk4Nwl
i cannot express to you how deeply Deeply funny this is to get in my inbox .
no ive never heard of mad rat monday in my life
#piktalk#iwas there when the album dropped. i watched madrateternity premier live. for like 3 months the only thing i would listen to#is just monday. on loop. ihave several times gone on record manically dissecting the sample choice through the whole album.#i canot listen to good time - owlcity without taking heavy damage .#there is no way you could have known this. but for like a solid year+ this album possessed me so hard it was like Character Defining.#this album is literally why i know abt the game to begin with SJHBFJD#im not making fun of you i promise its just . its j. im so. its Really Funny. on two different site accounts i have#i have directly linked a mrm track on the front page of my profile. theres no way i would expect anyone to know this#but it Is like hearing 'hey how do you feel about dinosaurs' when your entire bedroom is thoroughly dinosaur themed. its a Little funny-#Yeahg I Know Em Hes Haunted Me For Years ^_^ (<-activated like a motion sensor)
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The idea that Trump’s victory means we’re experiencing a culture shift in favor of intolerance is just like the (incorrect) sentiment that Obama’s victory meant we were now living in a “post racial” society.
#I think when the wound stops being fresh everyone’s gonna come together and realize this election wasn’t the result of a shift in American—#Ideals so much as the result of (historically) bad campaigning#The policy was solid. But that party is just. So bad at propagating themselves and their accomplishments to people#Biden’s inflation act of 2022 for example actually lowered it quite a bit over the last two years and most people have no fucking idea lmao#Trump could’ve done something like that in 1985 and we’d still be hearing about it today
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I need to quit my job soooo bad but why did no one warn me how completely unemployable I am
#i originally told myself i just had to get through one year and then i could look for something else#but after a year i realised the options were dire so i was like ok i'll do two years that's some really solid experience i'll be good now#but for the past 6+ months i've been signed up to multiple daily job alert emails and checking every job website i can think of#and it is BLEAK#almost nothing i'm qualified for and when there occasionally is i get rejected anyway 🤡#i went through my life thinking ok i'm smart i'm hardworking this won't be that bad#i have first class bachelors and masters degrees and 2+ years experience why am i unqualified for entry level jobs 😭😭😭#talking
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isn't it wild how you can play through an entire indie game in a single day and be left with a deeper, more profound experience, story, moral or question all wrapped in a more unique and impactful art style than many triple a games nowadays. for like 8 bucks.
#indie games i love you forever#this isn't about anything in particular but#i think about gris every time the conversation centers big expensive time consuming games#i think this year was pretty solid tho! apart from stinkers like diablo 4 or starfield. but maybe the industry isn't lost#looking at bg3 or alan wake 2 getting a lot of recognition. both are still somewhat underdogs compared to the standard#but they're nominated for goty! and bg3 will probably take it. meanwhile the two opposites faded into the sidelines instantly#i need to play viewfinder cocoon and hi fi rush too (which is nominated for goty as well iirc you love to see it)#but i just love that indie approach and comparably still smaller studios are getting out there#and the indie category itself is holding its own between these and the big studio snoozefests and nintendo's circlejerk#there's still a lot to improve about game awards - a horror game category would be neat for example and generally more diversity in titles#what is forspoken why isn't anyone talking about it apart from like 5 tumblr users. also pentiment where???#but idk. maybe it's just this one year but it looks hopeful for the future. who knows#shut up elis#the game awards 2023#(i guess)
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What if.. for the first time in actual years.... I changed my loadbearing Alfonse phone background to North South FUCK West.........
It will have to get a good grade in being easy on the eyes though, to stay. BIGGEST reason loadbearing Alfonse phone bg was a mainstay was bc the nighttime pallette on that one FEH comic panel was unexpectedly autism-friendly as a nice bonus LMFAO
#yeah you can't see shit on the date though LMFAOOO but like... small price to pay... for north south fuck west....#i used to use my art as phone bgs all the time. like exclusively. and i'd update them often w the current fave piece#but somewhere along the way i just. stopped doing that. i don't remember why actually#i wonder if it was when i like lost a lot of confidence in my work.#and was subsequently in burnout. for a long time#and that one alfonse ended up being my bg for literal actual years. i do not call him loadbearing alfonse lightly LMFAOO#something about this piece is so kind to me though... i like the green so much too...#i feel like i'm putting all three of them in a locket. my heart is so full looking at them 🥺🥲#there is. still a solid chance my light sensitivity is gonna fuck this all up for me though LMFAOOOO 😭😭😭#but in this moment... north south fuck west is like the two headed calf poem. to me.#<- INCOMPREHENSIBLE STATEMENT.
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every so often i now notice my first beard hairs coming in. it's incredibly euphoric but also scary as i Do Not trust myself with sharp objects and am a coward and im already dreading having to shave. but i am also a snob and an aesthete and don't want a few stupid stray hairs on my neck. i also miss my smooth luscious baby face because of sensory reasons.
#i absolutely despise the feel of stubble so im glad that's not happening yet#i know im probably gonna have a decent beard in a few years. the beard genes are solid in this family#(we will not talk about the male pattern baldness genes)#and i am so incredibly excited#but also terrified and just. weirded out.#there's stuff growing out of my face!!!!#it's like eyebrows... but everywhere.............#it's going to be so hard to get used to that#everyone always commented on how smooth my face skin is. and it made me dysphoric. but like it was very smooth and nice to touch#now with all the oil and acne and hairs it's not so nice anymore#being both trans and an autist incompatible with change is so strange and difficult#i love my new voice!!!!! im excited to talk now instead of dreading it. i pass. it sounds funny. i love it. but also.... i am Not used to i#im not used to the name i have now. im not used to the body hair even though i absolutely adore it. it's so difficult#why make me both trans and incredibly not chill about anything ever#there are two things i actively dislike about testosterone: the libido. ew. girl could you just not. and being bigger#in the sense that like my arms and shoulders got bigger. my main concern#do you know what it's like to have a special interest in clothing and curating your collection of wonderful thrifted textile weirdness#over YEARS. and suddenly like half the tops i have dont fit me anymore. my grandmothers blouses dont fit me anymore. it's heartbreaking#any my psychiatrist thinks i should be working out but 1. im lazy 2. i don't want to get buff and be even bigger
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This just in, local struggler severely overestimates how much they can eat yet again. Left with half a bowl of ramen and a sad, sad heart
#speculation nation#it's homemade at least so im not wasting money on fancy ramen#but i Hate this man it sucks 😭😭😭😭#i keep losing weight bc i can never eat enough#and i was like 'ok lets make a ramen thats a good sized meal' but then i cant FINISH it#forced myself to finish all the eggs at least and now im just picking at the peas. ugh.#at this rate im gonna have to start drinking ensures more regularly again#bc i havent gotten to the underweight phase yet but if it keeps going like this then i will#like it was. excuse me talking about my weight for a bit but im a tad bit concerned about it#but back before i started adderall back in uhh. september?? i think?? or october???#fuck if i remember. been a few months tho. but also not That long.#anyways i was at like. 140lbs at the doctor and like 137lbs at home (relevant bc clothes weight. rest of this will be at home weights)#and ive had such shit appetite that ive been watching it go down and down. like at least a pound a week. sometimes two pounds.#and now im at 123lbs. which is a solid almost 15 lbs lost in like 3 ish months. which is kind of a lot when ur small to begin with.#also a little alarming when u see this happen like a pound lower between every shower. bc i tend to check before i shower.#& i often shower every 4 days or so. when im in the Rotting Era and all. aka i dont rly go outside much.#and like 123lbs still isnt bad for 5'3“ but i think 107lbs is the cutoff for underweight. and im halfway there.#and now see i was about this weight a few years back so in one respect it's nice to fit into some of my older pants again#but at the same time..thats too quick!!! thats not healthy!!!! but when i try to eat more i Cant!!! it makes me nauseous!!!!!#so back in early 2020 when i was dipping under 110lbs bc of meds stuff i got onto ensure and it did help. so maybe i need to again.#just..blegh. i just kinda feel empty all the time. like stomach-wise. but not Hungry. it's a problem.#gotta come up with ways to eat that dont rely on my stomach to tell me when to eat. bc it's definitely not doing a good job at that.#weight mention/#and like see ive been eating 2 meals a day on average but i was doing that before too!!!!!!#but i think it's bc i cant Finish my meals half the time that's really causing problems.#staring at my half eaten bowl of ramen very grumpily. it has now been long enough that it's kind of gross.#and my arms hurt. just bc my bone aches have decided to flare up again. very grumpy.#negative/#i guess lol
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I am sad for your 'the end of the top gun era' that will come. Is there any possibility that even when you finish with all your ideas, someday you will still write icemav? Or are you done shipping icemav after everything is said?
i will never stop shipping or caring about icemav, they are my homeboys & my bffs
i just have other real world writing obligations i need to focus on once i post my extras (soon) 😞 have to start dedicating myself to my creative writing thesis & journalism work fully
Yeah if i have other ideas/motivation to finish old ideas i will definitely do that! It’s not goodbye forever
#ok it might be goodbye forever but not for like another 6 mo at least#i still have a bunch of posts to make/update#my masterpost… the playlist… some answered asks in my drafts#I did kind of lose my sophomore year of college to writing top gun fanfic tho#not that I’m not insanely grateful for that because it developed my writing style more than my entire#traditional creative writing education combined#but just in terms of the opportunity cost of working on other (original) projects…#i am a solid semester behind where I should be on my thesis cause i spent last semester angsting about the slider one shot lol#i have to have a novel fully written & edited by next may!!!!#so. time to shift priorities unfortunately#i just want to finish my icemav writing so i can get it out of my head & start clean :)#to that end these extras are just a purge. two ~50k chapters. idrgaf if u like them or not#just getting it all out there !#not top gun
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