#I just like making John deal with the fact that he's a celebrity

[anonymous-bastard]

Don't ship real people, and by that I mean if I see another post speculating about my sexual relationship with other Leaguers I will throw up .

[soapybutt17]

Baby Mama

Summary: Downtime was rare and far in between, but with your maternity leave now done and over with, your husband thought it would be a good time as any to invite everyone to your shared home for a mini celebration. It should have also been a good idea to let everyone know about the small little fact that not everyone was made aware of your relationship or the fact that there was a sleeping baby upstairs that hated Soap’s boisterous laughter for some reason. Character: John Price x F!Wife!Reader. Simon "Ghost" Riley. Kyle "Gaz" Garrick. John "Soap" MacTavish. Farah Karim. Alex Keller. Kate Laswell. Word Count: 2,313 Chapter Warnings: None.

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“Sit down, Rookie. We’ve got it covered.”

You wanted to glare at your husband and the rest of the taskforce that had made it their mission to ensure you were not in-charge of handling meal preps for the upcoming party you and your husband had decided to start in celebration for both your return back to the base as well as the success of their previous mission.

“Why do I feel like a guest in my own home?” You playfully questioned as Gaz placed a cup of tea in front of you. A reassuring smile rested on his lips.

“You’ve been wide awake until the early morning taking care of the little girl sleeping upstairs. Quite frankly, we’d prefer you to sleep instead than deal with the rest of us here.” Gaz explained as he returned back to helping Soap with prepping for the marinade for the barbeque.

“I’ve dealt with worse.” You pouted, ignoring the pointed look on your husband knowing they were right.

“Just because you’ve dealt with it on missions doesn’t mean you should deal with it in our home, Darling.” John sighed wiping his hand to come sit beside you on backyard patio.

Since your maternity leave and your husband’s own paternity one, you’ve somehow gotten enough money and time to make some new renovations to the home. One that you were proud of the most was the patio that would not only be a place for you and your husband to enjoy for yourselves, but for the guest he was slowly but surely becoming welcome to inviting—especially now.

With Soap and Gaz prepping the marinate and vegetables and Simon dealing with most of the meat (surprised by the fact that he was once a butcher before joining the military), you and your husband were left to your own devices for a while.

“Little Katherine still asleep?” He inquired.

You turned your attention towards the baby monitor, seeing your daughter thankfully still asleep in her crib.

It still amazes you that this little human was a product of your love and devotion to your husband. Even with her arrival an unplanned surprise for the both of you, you’ve both taken it to stride and made the most out of the experience. Your husband hoping for another few along the way but you made him promise to wait until little Katherine was a little older first.

“Asleep for once.” You sighed resting your head against your husband’s shoulders as you two continued watching the boys helping out for the party. “Why are we letting them help us with our own party again?”

“They did this to themselves surprisingly. When they heard we’re having this party, they immediately worried about you and the baby and adding the mess of the party to the mix. You’ve got those boys wrapped around your fingers and it’s worrisome at times.”

You giggled nudging him slightly at this comment.

“Speaking of people wrapped around your fingers, Alejandro and Rudy will also be coming tonight.”

You smiled, happy to know more of the friends you’ve made during missions have also come to visit. Having missed your time on the base, having them here for a get together would be a treat. You would also be ignoring the implication of your husband’s words towards Las Almas’ Colonel and Sergeant Major.

Somehow, it had become a topic of discussion for the rest of the boys how the Colonel had a little crush on you which you thought was ridiculous. Alejandro Vargas was nothing but professional to you and to the rest of the team. As far as you know, the man was just a little appreciative of the help you had given to them during Grave’s takeover of his base all those months ago, nothing more.

“You think Kate, Farah, and Alex would be able to visit too?” You inquired.

“They’re already on their flight here.” He smiled arm wrapped around your shoulders. “Kate’s been bugging me about the house when I told him about the renovations.”

You shook your head already imagining how much teasing Kate probably needed to do for him to finally relent in having the party here instead of renting a place.

A sudden thought had popped into your head as you turned directly towards your husband.

“Hold on, aside from the three boys, who else knows about our relationship?” You inquired.

He blinked only realizing himself that he hasn’t gotten around and told anyone about the two of you. Everyone had become aware of him having a wife and the paternity leave he had to take meant everyone was also aware that he was a new father, but no one not even Kate was made aware that you were the wife and the mother of his six-month old daughter.

“John did you not tell them yet?” You questioned.

“I may or may not have forgotten to tell everyone.” He grinned sheepishly.

Before you could give him an earful, the sound of your daughter’s cries halted you from your actions. You’ve all but noticed the sigh of relief that escaped his lips. Oh you’re going to get back at him for this somehow. You just know it.

~

“Rookie, it’s good to finally see you. How’s the leave been?”

Captain John Price was a lot of things. He was a patient man. He could be a brash man. He was a man that commands respect and authority. But in this very moment as you wore his favorite sun dress on you, he knew he could not be all of those things.

He was being punished. It was a certain and each and every single men of his Taskforce knows about it as well. It had honestly and genuinely slipped his mind, with both the past mission and his need to finally be back at home, he never had the time to orient everyone and anyone involved at base about his relationship and marriage to you until now that is.

“Good to see you and the wife too.” You smiled turning your eyes towards your husband pointedly before beginning an animated conversation with Kate and her wife.

John and the rest of the boys were in charge of grilling and giving everyone refreshments. You had decided it was your job to be a good host to everyone as people were slowly but surely filling his home.

“Someone’s sleeping in the couch tonight then?” It was Simon that pointed it out and John could only glare at the man as he continued on with flipping the steaks.

All three of the boys had become aware of the pettiness you could dish out towards their Captain. It wasn’t so often that it happens but the paradigm shift of their Captain not truly being in charge as soon as he was in the confinements of his own home.

“Happy wife, happy life.” John found himself speaking as his attention was still set on the grill.

His own anxiety somehow spiked up the moment an all too familiar Spanish endearment had escapade from the Las Almas-native. Alejandro Vargas was fashionably late as ever.

He had ordered Simon to continue on with cooking as he made his way towards where Alejandro was now in a full discussion with you. It didn’t escape John’s eyes the smoldering look the Colonel was giving his wife. What annoyed him even more was how much you were unbothered—or rather, unaware of it on your own end. Giving the man a smile and those warm gaze that was somewhat always reserved for him and the rest of his men.

“Good to see you, Alejandro.” John had interrupted your little conversation.

“Price. It’s good to see you again, Hermano.” The man chuckled enveloping him into a hug for a moment.

Even with the conversation that now began between him and the Colonel, It didn’t miss his gaze how the both of them would glance right at you as you now stood beside John and joining in on the conversation. It also didn’t escape anyone’s notice how your hand held onto his arm, showcasing the often concealed engagement ring and wedding ring he had gifted you all those years ago when he proposed and made you his wife.

“I see you’ve gotten married while on break, it seems congratulations are in order.” Alejandro finally acknowledge the elephant in the room taking everyone’s notice as well.

“Actually,” You trailed off turning your head towards him, a playful smile on your lips almost waiting for him to make the acknowledgement instead.

“We—we just had a baby.” John finally admits at the same time the sound of the baby monitor going off.

Everyone was silent aside from Soap and Gaz’s cackles. With a relieved smile you excused yourself to get the baby for everyone to meet leaving John on the hotseat, especially at the hands of both Kate and Farah.

“Hold on, since when have you and Rookie been in a relationship?” Kate questioned, a big smile playing on her face. Oh he could already see the array of torment that was to come during missions with this tidbit about his personal life.

“Since I was a Sergeant and she was a newly appointed Lieutenant.” John sighed scratching his beard and knowing full well you were taking your sweet time with your daughter leaving him to the wolves. “Married for fourteen years.” He added, being all too reminded of the fact that as soon as he had finished up with the mission that saved both Farah and her brother all those years ago, he knew it in his heart that there would never be a perfect time for the two of you to marry but in that very moment in your humble apartment in the heart of London all those years ago.

“Fuck, I lost the bet then.” Alex interrupted the moment of shock still resting on everyone as he handed Farah a few quid which she happily took with a smug smile on her face.

“Well I appreciate the bets being thrown around about my personal life.” He muttered.

“I’ve always knew something was going on with the two of you, Old man.” Farah pointed out. “It was just a matter of determining what status the two of you were to each other at this point.”

So much for acting low key about his relationship.

The hot seat was now away from him as you walked back out with the prettiest little baby he had ever seen in his life (he was bias definitely as this was his child after all). Woken up from her nap, John could see his daughter still cranky as you continued to coo her.

“Just woke up from her nap.” You excuse immediately handing the baby to him. A smile resting on his lips now as how easy it was to calm his daughter in his hands. How quick it was for her own similar blue eyes to lock onto him for comfort and safety. It was all he could ever give and more to both of his girls.

“Looks just like you, Cap.” Alex pointed out earning a snort out of you and a proud chuckle out of John.

It was an ongoing banter between the two of you, how you complain about carrying your daughter for nine months only for her to look just like him. But his daughter has your eyes and he was all too certain would be used against him when she learns how to do the puppy dog eyes when she grows up.

“Cries like him too.” Simon quipped earning a pointed look from John and giggle from you and laughter from everyone else.

At the booming laughter of one Soap MacTavish, the first line of tears had burst out of his daughter and you and John had given the man a glare as he began to coo his daughter from her tears.

~

To say freely acting like a husband and wife in front of most of your coworkers was awkward but a little refreshing to say the least. With your daughter pawned off to her uncles for the next hour or two, it meant you and your husband could freely socialize with the rest of the team in attendance.

“Still can’t believe you two were able to keep it hidden for so long.” It was Kate that finally broke the ice.

“Less hassle for either of us.” John shrugged off, pulling you closer to him.

It was all the more refreshing to see this side of him that no one usually sees. With you sitting on his lap on the love seat as you continued on with your conversation with Kate. How he would do anything and everything in his power to have you close to him, touching any skin he gets his hands on—at this moment it was his hands on your thighs as he held onto them to support you.

“That the reason why you dragged her along with you the TF?” She inquired, playfully.

“One of the reasons, but not the top reason.” John assured.

It was still much of a surrealistic moment when you were called one day by Kate about the Taskforce your husband was forming. You, of all people knew that he wanted to make sure that your lines of work and personal life were separate. But somehow, your capabilities overrode those principles you both have made to each other.

You did your job, quiet well too, so it wasn’t much of a worry that your relationship and association to the man would be also place under scrutiny now when all was said and done. It wasn’t much of an issue when most, if not all of the people in the base had already been calling the both of you as work spouses to each other.

[issdisgrace]

Shit I'm sorry I didn't notice the request info-

Okay, can I please request Thomas Shelby x Tall and buff male reader who's the sweetest thing on earth but has one "flaw".

He's too damn handsy. Place, time, people, pffff, suit, shirt, naked, he doesn't care.

He just really loves Thomas man tits and his ass.

Not in a teasing way, it just makes him relax.

Just Thomas's reaction and how he's dealing with it. Whatever.

Thank you~ 💕

4 TIMES MR. HANDSY STRUCK

WARNINGS: Accidental groping, purposeful groping, swearing, yeah thats about it.

A/N: I hope you like this. I had a fun time writing this, so please feel free to request again.

Y/n was a tall and buff man. He looked like he could kill anyone without a second thought. But in reality, he was the kindest and sweetest thing to ever walk the earth. He was a gentle giant in all senses of the word. But there was one thing about the man that many would consider a flaw. It was the fact that he was handsy, very handsy when it came to his partner, Thomas Shelby. The man couldn’t keep his hands off Tommy. So here are 4 scenes in which Y/n couldn’t keep his hands to himself.

Walking down the streets of Birmingham on the way to The Garrison. It was quiet and peaceful; the sun had actually been out. Unlike most other days in Birmingham. Y/n had his arm wrapped around Tommy’s waist as they walked, casually talking. Tommy hadn’t realized Y/n’s hand slipping closer and closer to his ass until the man squeezed it, causing Tommy to yelp in surprise.

“I didn’t mean to startle you. I’m sorry.”

“I wasn’t expecting it, that all.”

Tommy says brushed it off, and the two continued their walk.

The Garrison was loud with hustle and bustle of the man drinking inside. In a corner booth sat the Shelby family and, of course, Y/n. The family talked and drank, Y/n adding in every once in a while not want to interrupt those who were speaking. Y/n threw his arm overs Tommy’s shoulder and continued onto listening to the conversation at hand. Without even realized himself, his hand moved down and now was on Tommy’s chest. It wasn’t until John made a joke about it out that he and Tommy realized.

“Y/n, you done feeling up my brother for the night? It’s a bit distracting.”

Y/n’s face flushed, and he quickly unwrapped his arm around Tommy, covering his face in pure embarrassment.

“Sorry.” He mumbled in his hands as the family had a laugh.

It was sometime after 10pm when Y/n managed to covince Tommy to call it quits for the night and join him in bed. Y/n sat in bed paeintly waiting for Tommy to be done with his night routine and join him. Eventually Tommy join him and they curled up togeather. They talked for a little bit until Tommy relized Y/ns hands found there way to his chest.

"My prince, can you explain to me how your hands always seem to find my chest."

"I'm sorry. I didnt mean to."

"Shh. It is ok my prince. Im just curious."

"I dont know. I guess touching them grounds me. It makes sure i know that everyting going on is real. But i guess it also calms me. I'm sorry if i make you uncomfortable. I can stop."

"Its fine my prince. I dont mind."

Tommy was hosting a party for the Peaky Blinders in order to celebrate some of their new achievements. The rowdy men happily drank the beer that was in the house and chatted. Tommy leaned against the bar, talking to Polly when Y/n came up behind him, grabbing his ass gently with both hands. Then resting his head on Tommy’s shoulder. Tommy turned his head slightly to look at you.

“Do you need anything, my prince?”

“No, just a little bored.”

“Ok.” Tommy said, then returning to talk to Polly.

The Shelbys, minus Tommy, who was nowhere to be seen, were sitting around having a drink at The Garrison

“Is it me or is Y/n really handsy with Tommy? I feel like half the time I see him with him, he’s either grabbing Tommy’s butt or his chest. It’s fucking weird.” Arthur slurs slightly, the alcohol getting to him a bit.

“Oh no, he is. You're definitely not imaging it, Arthur.” Ada says.

“Sometimes I think the poor thing doesn’t even realize he’s doing.” Polly adds in.

“Its fucking funny as hell. Have you seen the way some newcomers react when they see it happening? It’s fucking priceless. Their eyes get all wide and shit and they look like they’ve seen the most traumatic thing in the world.” John said.

“I’ve heard some newcomers people ask around, asking if it was a normal thing.” Finn adds.

“I know it’s also grate to see their reactions when they're told it’s a normal occurrence.” John says. After he says that, out of nowhere Tommy appearing

“What are we discussing this fine evening?”

“Nothing.” The other Shelby boys say at the same time like a kid that got caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

[lazycats-stuff]

Can u make a part two to the werewolf fic u made it was soo good ! and i would like to see where it leads :)

If it's the COD werewolf, sure thing. Also, here is my favorite Scot. Is it just me or is a Scottish accent just so... Well, it's my favorite. PART 1

Summary: (Y/N) deals with the fact that he is a werewolf.

Warnings: missions, violence, death and all the stuff that goes with the COD, human experiments

It has been a couple of weeks since (Y/N) turned into a werewolf. He still wasn't used to his senses and he is strength, but he was working on it. The team was very supportive of him and tried to help him in their own ways.

He still wasn't cleared to go on any missions, but he didn't mind it. It was nice to have some down time for himself. He spent time resting, working on little things and on the weekends he would go off the base.

It was a nice change of pace. The team still went on missions and it was to be alone, but he did miss them. They talked over the phone a few times, but those were brief conversations.

He always wanted to have everyone together. That was one of the things that worried him when he started feeling that. It wasn't something he thought about before. It was nice to have the team together, but it wasn't this strong.

(Y/N) thought it was his wolf side. Either way, he liked it when the team was here on base. Ghost was his favorite. There were times when he just had to change into a werewolf and Ghost had a bed big enough for the both of them.

Soap was a little bit afraid due to his fear of the dogs, but he liked (Y/N). The werewolf knew that and he respected Soap's boundaries. If he was in his werewolf form, he was far away from Soap. But Soap was slowly getting over his fear.

Gaz was the one who liked the wolf form the most. Gaz is a dog lover and if they had the time, in secrecy of course, he would play with (Y/N). Fetch, running, whatever came to mind.

Price and Ghost are like those dads that are like, he is not allowed on the couch, but they end up on the couch anyway. And he kind of became a therapy dog for Ghost. More so, he became a therapy dog for the entire team.

All in all, it was nice.

(Y/N) was buzzing excitement. He was finally clear to go on missions! He was just so excited! He hugged Price when he gave him the news. Price just patted him awkwardly on the back. The team celebrated with some alcohol.

" We missed you. " Gaz said as they were in the bar.

" I know you did! You missed my sarcasm! Admit it! " (Y/N) said, turning to look at the others. Ghost didn't react and the others just sighed.

" I swear to God, I will bench you (L/N). " Price said, taking a sip of his whiskey.

" You won't. You missed me a lot. " (Y/N) said, laughing at the sigh he got in return.

" Well, we have some news. You know that target, in Al Mazrah? " Price started, watching (Y/N)'s reaction. (Y/N) nodded, it was a terrorist cell that they destroyed.

" Well, they are back at it. And the last target? They had connections with him and we think that they are doing some sort of experiments on people. And they might have been responsible to that wolf that bit you. "

(Y/N)'s funny and happy demeanor turned sour. He looked down at his drink and frowned.

" So, we have a location, but it isn't confirmed just yet. We have to waiting another day to get it, but we believe that this is it. I still don't get why they are still alive... Bastards. " Price said, cursing to himself.

" Tomorrow we will get the location and you can go with us. " Price said, making (Y/N) nod. So the wolf that bit him was probably an experiment.

" You alright? " Ghost asked in his gruff voice.

" Not really. I'm thinking about that wolf that bit me. He was probably an experiment too. " (Y/N) said, gripping his forearms tightly. He tried not to think about the fact that he was lucky.

Price just patted his back in solidary and comfort. John also thought about it, just how lucky (Y/N) was. Or unlucky depending on your point of view.

" Well, we are going to shut them down, once and for all. " Johnny said, clearly trying to bring more positive environment to this booth.

" I wish I had you enthusiasm Johnny. I really do. " (Y/N) said thoughtfully, taking a last sip of his whiskey.

Silence fell down across the booth. It was obvious that (Y/N) was shaken by the fact that there were human experiments. Maybe that wolf that bit him was free now.

" Well, lets go back to the base. We need to make sure we are rested." Price said, trying to lift the mood up.

It was too late.

(Y/N) and the others waiting to get land. All of them geared up, armed to the tooth. (Y/N) wasn't sure how to feel about this. On one hand, they need to be stopped. But at the same time, what are they going to find?

Will he have to shift and kill someone as a wolf? He looked down at his lap for a moment, clenching his fists. It was going to be fine. The team was here and they were going to help.

It was going to be fine.

The helicopter stopped and the team stepped out. Alaska was fricking cold and he just wanted to get warm. They had a plan and they were going to stick to it.

(Y/N) used his super senses to stop his team.

" I hear two of them in there. " (Y/N) whispered, listening more. " The lab is underground and one of them have the code to enter it. " (Y/N) said, cocking his rifle.

" We need them alive them. " Ghost said, getting ready to get in.

" Yup. " (Y/N) said, watching as Ghost kicked the door in.

Ghost was quick to take them down, but keep them alive.

" I need a code for the lab underground. And I will leave your hands hands attached to your bodies. " Ghost said, grabbing the arms of the guards. After some more pressure, they gave it up.

(Y/N) punched it in and he when he entered, he nearly threw up. He watched people under the sedation and there were people who were mutated, but not fully... They looked like they were mistakes.

(Y/N) couldn't go on.

" (L/N), what is going on? " Price asked, worried about his youngest member.

" I can't go on. I feel sick. " (Y/N) said, moving back to lean on the wall.

" I will call Laswell to clean this up. " Price said, patting (Y/N)'s shoulder.

(Y/N) nodded. He will really kill them.

" Now we have evidence to put them behind bars... We should have killed them off. " Soap growled, watching the people. Ghost and Gaz checked out the rest of the lab. It was all clear.

" Is he okay? " Gaz asked.

" I'm fine Gaz. I'm just... I don't know. It's weird to see all of this. " (Y/N) said.

" I know. We are going to help them out. " Gaz said, patting (Y/N)'s shoulder.

(Y/N) knows that. But maybe death is better thing for them. (Y/N) shook his head. No, that's not a great mindset to have. They will help them.

[archivalofsins]

hey, do you remember if mikoto/john ever made any comment about the viewer's opinions? fuuta outright tells the voices to shut up, amane acknowledges them when fuuta asks her about it, and mahiru mostly just feels like her thoughts and love are being rejected. i dont think mikoto/john ever even acknowledge the viewers thoughts about their situation outside the double mv and vd, and even then that could be about what es thinks about them and not the omniscient viewers.

They do!

It's one of the things specifically highlighted by Milgram and Yamanaka within his tweet about Mikoto's voice drama. Through the fact that they recognize and view what Es has deduced through Milgram as valid.

To keep it short. Mikoto references the audience opinions in these instances.

This has been editted to get rid of spellings errors and add more context. Editted on 02/28/24. (There were so many spelling errors to correct don't know if I got them all. I added so much more quotes from the timeline and interrogations and tried to adjust for tone.)

"Eheheh... But...it's not coming to an end. All of this. With things I've never even heard before, the whole ti- The whole time... Haah... I have to see through all of these irritating experiences...!" (Doesn't directly reference Es just that things now feel like they never end. Along with things he's never even heard before.)

"As for alters... Why do you think they're born?" (Specifically asking Es how they think this works instead of divulging any information he's heard from the audience that would in fact be beneficial to Es who after being asked immediately shows they don't know a damn thing about it. Staying consistent with what happened in Amane's voice drama prior.)

"Right. You're decision to not forgive me is especially stress inducing." (Recognition of the punishment attached to the guilty verdict working properly for Mikoto and that's adding to his stress. So, yeah he's hearing the voices.)

"You know that because of Milgram! I don't care about the law, I want to know what you think!"

His birthday interaction from last year. (Him asking if there's really another him implies, he has heard the audience bring it up.)

His birthday interaction with Futa after his verdict.

21/10/06 (Mikoto’s Birthday) Mikoto: ……ah, Futa? What’s up? Did you come to celebrate my birthday? Futa: Hah!? Like I care about your birthday. ……what’s up with you, though, you’re usually a lot more excited. I thought you were the sort of idiot who’d make a big deal over your birthday. Mikoto: Yeah, usually that’d be the case. ……I think I must be getting tired. It’s like I’m anxious over something but I can’t really explain what it is…… Like, the feeling that I’ve been totally wrong about something. Haha, but it’s not like talking to you about it is gonna do anything. Futa: Yeah, yeah, just like you say. Talking to me about it isn’t gonna help. ……but, it’s not like I don’t get what you’re saying. Or rather, I understand exactly what you mean. And if it’s the same thing as I’ve been feeling, then it will just get stronger as time goes on…… probably. But anyway, rather than talking to someone like me you should go and bother the others. Go and get showered with their stupid birthday wishes.

Also, the fact that Mikoto's entire defense for his actions pivoted from I don't remember, and Milgram probably got the wrong guy by mistake to the other one did it. Which not much different from the excuse he gave before but was an excuse widely jumped on and presented by the audience after he was called out for faking for a good period of time and being bad rep. Well, to say the least- It puts a different meaning behind this line,

"“He’s a liar”, you said, and made me out to be a scoundrel, why?"

Since it encapsulates what his first trial was like in a nutshell. Where people either called him out for faking/lying or blamed the alter for all the violent acts making him out to be the scoundrel. People even posited that what we see in MeMe is fake because it's far more graphic than the others and cuts and that this could be due to him having DID and lookie here.

In fact Mikoto's mental footage was so violent... "It's unforgivable." That was my judgment. "That too could be just a fake or attributed to multiple personalities, right?!"

Overall Mikoto, like many of the prisoners, does not state what the audience has told him. However, he heavily implies through his actions he's been told something. What that something is we don't know and given his first verdict percentage he would not be as inclined to tell us as the others would. Hell, even then a lot of others don't tell is. We were never shown what innocent does to a person outside of this from Mu.

21/07/05 (Mu’s Birthday) Mu: Yuno. Don’t you have something to say to me? Yuno: Huh? To you? Me? ……ahh, uh? Your birthday, right? Happy birthday~ Mu: How mean…Since it’s my birthday, I really wish you’d said something before I had to come and tell you myself. Yuno: Right, right, I’m sorry. I’ll be more careful in future~ Later! Haha… things have become even more of a bother… ……so was that Mu-chan’s real personality, then? It’s probably because the guard did something, right?

But yeah, since you were just asking if he referenced the audience outside of his voice drama and music video there's no need to read the rest here. What comes after this basically goes over how I tend to tell when the prisoners are subtly referring to the audience and other things but it's very long.

Now onto the interesting stuff. Because I wrote this before rereading the question and seeing you were asking about things outside of the voice drama and song. So, I'm leaving it.

Mikoto discusses the audience in the way similar to how Mahiru does. Never referring to the audience or the voices as an individual entity or directly instead either referring to that as Milgram collectively or referring to it as an extension of Es' actions and decisions.

Even in Double and I Love You neither of them refer to a big group of people but go "You".

"What you trampled is my, “This is how to be in love with you”."/ "“He’s a liar”, you said, and made me out to be a scoundrel, why?"

Unlike the rest of the prisoners who refer to multiple parties, Mikoto and Mahiru couldn't give a damn less about who is causing them problems and considers the audience, Es, and Milgram all the same entity. Never really separating the three. Because they don't care to.

Other prisoners that do this are Haruka, Shidou, and Kotoko if I'm remembering correctly.

"I will definitely make you love me again."-"Hug me again as you once did."

"You don’t even know yet, and yet."- "What do you mean INNOCENT, if this is my punishment... Now I see, this world is cruel and merciless. The vote that negates the option of death, the love that won’t perish."- "No thank you, it’s none of your concern."- "Shall I fulfill your request and elect to live."

"That's why I became your fangs."- "Tell me why you tell me, “Stop'. Don’t you dare stop now."

Kotoko and Shidou do something interesting in their second trial songs having parts where they both directly refer to Es and the audience separately within their songs. Referring to Es at the beginning and then the audience in the second half.

"I want to be INNOCENT, I want to live. So this is unpleasant, hurling slurs of “hostage game”, you do know that it’s up to me? That’s right, there are lives that need safeguarding. So hey, prolong my life, I’m indispensable. The correct answer, I don’t yet know, but there are lives that need safeguarding. So hey, prolong my life, I’m indispensable."

Shidou Trial 2 Voice Drama

"But... as long as Milgram continues in this direction. We won't be able to save those who get injured if I'm not forgiven." ...! "Even now, Shiina-kun is in a condition where any digression could be fatal. She can't live without my treatment. If I'm not forgiven she will end up dying."

Just want to highlight how Shidou uses the same tactic as Mu but somehow what he does ends up succeeding and what she did doesn't. A lot of people may think that's because none of them asked to be put in that situation and Kotoko was the one who attacked. Yet, my honest response to that would be what the fuck is actually stopping Shidou from helping if he was guilty?

Like prisoners who were Guilty once can still move around and interact with others and the things around them. Unless one is assuming that the punishment for being guilty trial two is worse than one. Something I don't believe would make sense and would not be fair considering this would just simply for many of the prisoners be their first time being guilty. Although, this is Milgram so maybe who knows.

Even in a situation where the trial two punishment for being guilty is harsher than trial ones; what the fuck is stopping him from teaching or instructing someone else within the prison on how to help if he were restrained? He even said Amane could be assisting him and Yuno has been. He's very replaceable, actually. So, it's wild this worked.

As we will get into it is wild any of them are getting away with what they are.

He also doesn't say this as if it will change later. Instead he literally states that Mahiru now just can't live without his help which given injuries should not be true. Yet considering that she hasn't been getting better over the course of trial two honestly yeah, I guess he's right.

That's... true I suppose. "From now on conflict between the prisoners will probably become more frequent."

Dude why the fuck does he say this??? Like no I'm being serious why does he fucking say this? Especially considering last we heard from Haruka in his second trial voice drama Shidou and Kazui were meant to have been negotiating a ceasefire? This sounds like something an individual about to start a conflict would say. A person about to throw down if you will.

Like what the fuck does he know in regards to this? The most good faith interpretation is the ceasefire negotiations have failed. Yet, it's still a weird thing to just add. Especially since he says conflicts between the prisoners. Implying that people other than Kotoko may end up instigating fights.

Even though most of the other prisoners are simply attempting to mind their business and he's the only one who directly states hostility towards Kotoko in various ways.

Others that state having animosity towards someone are

Yuno,

Q.11 Which of the other prisoners do you get along with least? Yuno: I wonder. The ones that are painful just to watch are Haruka and Mu-chan.

Futa,

Q.12 Are there any prisoners you don’t get on with? Futa: Can you not tell by looking at my face? Obviously Kotoko.

Mu,

Q.12 Are there any prisoners you don’t get on with? Mu: Yuno has been really cold lately so maybe her a bit.

Shidou,

Q.06 Do you forgive Kotoko? Shidou: No. I can’t forgive someone for trying to achieve thing with violence.

"To extract that fang, now."/“That’s why I became your fangs.”

Oh, and he has some feelings on Mikoto as well.

Q.07 Are there any prisoners you get along with? Shidou: Kayano-kun has become like that, and I can’t spend my time smoking at the moment, so the smoking trio has disbanded, which is a bit lonely.

What those feelings are beyond me. However, he speaks of his current disposition as though it's a problem. So, I'm putting it.

Kazui,

Q.06 Are there any prisoners you don’t get along with? Kazui: To be honest, probably also Kashiki-chan. It feels like she sees through all the things I don’t want anyone to notice.

Amane,

Q.06 Are there any prisoners you don’t get along with? Amane: Kirisaki Shidou.

and Mikoto,

Q.12 What do you think about Kotoko? Mikoto: I don't like her.

It makes sense that we the audience would know whom everyone is hostile towards. Especially since we just blatantly asked in some written interrogations. However, it's not as though many of them have been presenting their hostility towards each other openly.

Outside of Amane and Kotoko everyone else attempts to be cordial with each other or just outright avoid people they dislike. So, it's still weird he would know this unless he's really good at reading the mood and paying attention to others.

Something he has not shown himself to be. Though, maybe he really is. Still considering he has two individuals he'd could possibly have an issues with this really sounds like some shit somebody who wants start trouble says.

"If I'm not there... They will be in even more danger!"

Bitch you will be there- Guilty or not. You're not getting out of this panopticon any earlier unless you see yourself out buddy. Where do you think you go if you're guilty? The sunken place? You gonna mentally tap out because of the guilt and constant bombardment of being told you're wrong by the audience?

Other people who have been Guilty before you with no warning of what that mental or evironmentally entailed were still able to help and speak to others while suffering under the affects of said verdict. The child did it grow a backbone man! You're an adult and apparently you hold a lot of stake in the fact that you are... So, at least make it make sense why you do with your actions.

In case Shidou has forgotten we have a third trial. So, he's just being a fucking manchild here. Does he think we're gonna kill him immediately after he's voted guilty in this second trial out of three? Does he think as soon as the guilty verdict hits Kotoko is going to attack him? That's the most reasonable and good faith interpretation of this statement.

Like she did attack guilty people that's a fair concern to have. Yet, he's currenty being guarded. Because now that an attack has happened once the others are more on guard.

As Yuno implied would be the case,

Q.09 What do you think about Kotoko’s attacks? Yuno: Is she an idiot? Nothing’s going to change in the world if you just act out violently where everyone can see.

If a person just acts out violently where everyone can see most people will reasonnable recognize that person is apart of the problem too. They won't usually assume they're the solution to anything. Plus again the fact that other people were guilty before him and he knows what that could reasonably entail he should be preparing for that possibility. It's clear that he wants to avoid it by any means and is doing his best to do that.

Which I can't fault the man for that's only natural. But-The fuck is Shidou's second voice drama fearmongering 101?! Why the fuck is he acting like this towards the end?

I bet you're thinking Gunsli is this your first time listening to Shidou's voice drama and honestly yeah it is.

This man is in here like what will they do without me. Despite the fact that a majority of viewers have pretty much agreed the child can take him out/is a serious threat to his safety. At the point the previous statement is widely considered a genuine concern true if anyone wants him dead outside of himself in this facility he is going to die. Because we know that from the beginning Shidou has wanted this all to end and to get the death penalty.

That he's been smoking to be unhealthy,

20/08/04 Mikoto: By the way, why did you two start smoking? For me it was just a means for communication with people at work. Kazui: Hm? I don’t really remember……It’s maybe changed nowadays, but in the past it was just natural for everyone to smoke. What about you, Shidou-kun? Do you remember? Shidou: ……I wonder. I suppose…… I just wanted to do something that was bad for me. Mikoto: Ahh, I kinda get that. It’s like eating instant ramen in the middle of the night.

So, he came into Milgram already trying to get out of life in general. So, he can't threaten himself like Haruka can. He's still gunning for that death sentence even now.

"The scale tilts to and fro, I yearn to be found “GUILTY”."

The only thing he can do is what he's always done used the lives of those around him to excuse his actions and validate his own existence.

"But it tilts towards, find me “INNOCENT”. If the voices crying out in pain, can be saved by me- Allow it to be my charge and mission."

Like I don't know why he came in here acting like this verdict gonna make him someone he ain't and never was. Like man you couldn't even take care of your own- You want us to leave you in charge and responsible of even more people. People who have no reason to have to listen to or take him seriously. People who don't even like him.

Meanwhile Shidou's kids in Triage out here looking like they need Yusuke Urameshi not Shidou Kirisaki. What will they do without me? Man I don't know probably have a better grasp of road safety. You know just spitballing some guesses here.

He came in here really pretending to be the guy and for who? Himself because he's fucking weak and emotinally immature. He can't handle the mental stress of a guilty verdict, he couldn't even handle his own social relationships when his wife was alive,

Q.19 What was your partner like? Shidou: A strong person. I tend to be a bit careless in my personal life, so I was always relying on her.

or taking care their kids after she either died or got ill.

Like listening to the end of his second trial interrogation is legit hearing him hype up his own importance. As though he's going to be a meidcal doctor on the frontlines of a war and voting him guilty is equivalent to immediately killing him in front of a bunch of injured civilians. Halting people from getting aid. When that's not what's occuring here at all!

He's still going to be in Milgram and he will still have another trial. Like maybe he thinks that's what's occuring because of Kotoko but that's even weirder. Because there are more people against Kotoko's actions in the prison than for them.

One of which is fucking Kazui who is already guarding him.

Shidou... "I need to be punished... But I also need to stay alive or young lives will be lost."

Oh, Shidou you're such a martyr.... Pushing to the side your selfish desire to die because you're sick of living with yourself, your own failures, and the fact that the things you worked towards weren't the benefit you thought they would be and instead a massive failure-

Q.15 Do you think you’ve made a contribution to society? Shidou: I used to think my work was a contribution to society.

All because you've found something that validates your existence again. Something that,

"Tells me, the reason it’s ok to be here."

Again I need to highlight we're not fucking killing him with this verdict. Telling someone what they did was wrong is nowhere close to comparable to murder. Also, Kotoko can attack prisoners whether they're innocent or not. Jackalope's brought up that the prisoners are allowed to attack each other during the intermission all of them regardless of verdict.

Unless they're physically restrained and thuse made unable to they can still do it. Plus some of them are shown in full restraints within Undercover still ready to attack somebody if needed. It's not like she is completely bound to acting in accordance with Milgram's rules as has been highlighted before.

22/08/05 (Kazui’s Birthday) Kotoko: ……Mukuhara Kazui. Thanks to you, I wasn’t able to properly serve justice to those who did something unforgivable. I’m currently acting as an agent for our prison guard Es. Don’t get in my way next time. Kazui: Oi oi, don’t be silly, Yuzuriha-chan. There’s no way I could just look away from your outrageous display of violence. Anyway, even disregarding the fact violence against those voted guilty isn’t a part of Milgram’s system, what you’re doing is just acting recklessly based on a broad interpretation. As long as I’m free myself, I’ll stop you. Kotoko: ……what a pointless argument. Hmph. Since Es forgives you, I have no choice but to forgive you myself too. If you to keep to your words, then you’d best do what you can to keep being forgiven. If you’re not, then next time you’ll be one of my targets. Kazui: Oh, how scary. That girl truly is frightening. ……well then, I wonder what the guard will decide to do with me. That’s the one thing I really can’t make out. Honestly……

Yet, throughout his second trial voice drama he keeps subtly pushing this idea that not only will Mahiru die if we vote him guilty but he will too. That not even really touching on the fact the one to bring up a death sentence or execution as a result of the trials to begin with was Shidou.

He brought it to this point and is now lamenting about it being there like oh what should I do.

"I... I don't know what to wish for anymore. I'm starting to think that I want to live. That I want to be forgiven... Despite being so riddled with sins...! ..." Shidou... Do you remember what i told you? "..." Back when you were still fine with dying at any moment, I told you to deperately want to live. "Punishments for sins exist in the first place because we have an attachment to life. your existence in itself is a sacriliege to Milgram and myself", I said. "Yes... I remember." And now, finally, you've gotten attached to life and finally become a real prisoners of Milgram. That's what I believe. You wanting to be forgiven and your wish... Those are the steps that now represent you. "...That won't do... I musn't be forgiven. Otherwise... the countless lives I've taken will never be paid back." Heh. If you're really trying to give up your life as compensation for the people you've killed, then there's no reason to stay alive that will hold up anyway. "..." Don't face them with a life that you're so willing to throw away.

Es greatly sums up the main issue with Shidou's logic.

He is ready and willing to die.

Yet, all the people he killed weren't. Usually people seek medical attention for help, because they want to live. Because they're in pain and they don't want it to get worse. Thesse are people who are trying to survive and seeking out what they believe is the most appropriate help for either themselves, a family member, hell even a stranger on the street if someone calls an ambulance.

It's incredibly tragic when help doesn't get there soon enough but it's down right dispicable when the help is there and decides no you'll die today because I feel like it. You understand what it's like to have to take in order to give and I need to take from you to give something to myself. We're all suffering and you know some people like myself deserve to suffer less than others so this is just how it has to be.

Since that's the case-

"You're in my way...hurry up and die."

I see no difference between this and this.

"Please, go ahead and die already."

Excpet one of the people making this sort of statement puts a lot of stock in being a mature adult and never acting childishly. While the other is at least emotionally honest about their mistakes.

Why did I bring all of this up? To highlight a key difference between Shidou's voice drama and his song. Es never rebuts Shidou for saying he's the only one that can help or calls what he's doing a hostage game.

Making it more than likely Shidou is referring to the audience and the voices he heard discussing his case or something from his real life given the quotes around the phrase. This is more than likely something Shidou has said in reality or had said to him. I lean more towards the first interpretation when it comes to viewing these put in quotations lyrics as direct snippets of quotes from statements the prisoners have said but I'm not that committed either way.

The point is it highlights that he's not just referring to Es here,

"I want to be INNOCENT, I want to live. So this is unpleasant, hurling slurs of “hostage game”, you do know that it’s up to me? That’s right, there are lives that need safeguarding. So hey, prolong my life, I’m indispensable. The correct answer, I don’t yet know, but there are lives that need safeguarding. So hey, prolong my life, I’m indispensable."

He's instead speaking past Es and directly pleading to the audience or voters.

Which is the same thing Kotoko does here-

"So, make yourselves my reason. Just choose the only choice, GUILTY. Say that sympathy is useless. Hate evil as the evil that it is. Don’t you dare stop now. I want a reason for judgment execution, I want it. Give me the next target “UNDER”."

Notably not stating that she became our fang before that but leading into that again. These lyrics (along with the prisoner 011 line in Kotoko's case) recontextualizes the entire song as a direct plea to the audience with allusions of concern towards Es. Mostly merging the two and going if you're on good terms with me I'll be on good terms with all you and your proxy if not things could get messy.

This showcases that they all see no difference between the audience, Es, and Milgram like stated before.

The ones who are more direct while referring to the audience are Yuno, Futa, Mu, Kazui, and Amane. Instead referring to multiple parties through their songs or one.

"I’m the one who chose, let you and you and you all in."

Yuno mentions two others before stating she let "you all" referring to the audience in.

"Don’t get cocky, you in that cypher."- "Tolerate, impress those spectators."- "This prison hosts ears and lethal eyes, I’m sick of it. You and you, throwing around rules for fun, hoisting up morality and feeling good. Should I succumb, make your wish come true? Full of yourselves, are you?"

Futa seperates the prison host from the audience the spectators. In a way showing off that he views Es as an entity hosting an event and the ones spectating as the actual entity he needs to impress or sway to his side. He's basically going if the audience likes me I'll be fine.

"So, it’s wrong? Oh shove that! INNOCENT, isn’t that right?"

It's a personal dislike of mine. People who act based on their sexual urges like that, that is. "It's personal?" Yeah. That's right. "That's strange. I did think that, despite being neutral as a warden you did have some things you dislike, but..." ... "Isn't it unusual to openly reavel a personal dislike as a personal dislike?" You're splitting hairs. "Seems like you really disliked my crime... I get it! Maybe it's because you're so young... Which is to say... ..." Hah? Stop staring at me so openly. It's disgusting. "..." ... [Es punches him]

Honestly warranted he is making fun of Es for the same reasons Jackalope did in Es' voice drama. Being a bit green behind the ears. Which is never fun. So, of course after that the first thing Es does is do the same thing to Amane in her interrogation after this.

... Now I feel better. "-Ow! What are you doing all of a sudden..?!" It was an instinctive reaction. Don't take it personally. "Would you stop just punching me in the face without any hesitation? ...huh Anyways... That's how it is, huh? That's how it is...?"

Kazui stating "That's how it is..." highlights that he does take note of Es' personal feelings. He not only does that but seems to take a moment to mentally compare them to what he's been hearing from the voices over the course trial one. Really honing in on the fact that Es says them disliking Kazui's crime is a personal thing.

Meaning that Kazui knows full and well that Es' personal opinion does not matter when it comes to the verdict and may have concluded as such. Something made even more clear by his second trial song opening with him telling Es to just go shove it. Fuck off get that nonsense out of here.

Kazui literally forgoes Es' statements on his actions from his second voice drama at the jump of cat like oh well the guard said it was wrong but fuck that- Innocent is the right answer. It's the conclusion you all came to the first time so.

Double down. Hence the-

"Lie, until it gets better, follow the king of the masquerade. Lick that sin and oppose punishment, until you can meet the king of the masquerade."

The only allusion to Es in Cat is,

"So it’s wrong? Oh shove that!"

This is because Es has already said they personally dislike Kazui's crime or people who act based on their sexual desires. Meaning if Kazui's crime is that of a sexual nature trying to sway Es on seeing it any other way is pointless. So, he no longer has an interest in convincing Es his behavior was okay. Plus he's not even really concerned by what the audience themselves have assumed or figured out. Something alluded to through how comfortable he in while singing Cat in comparison to Half.

Amane's is rather straight forward as well. Considering her song starts with direct recognition of the audience/spectators going-

"Good morning, ladies and gentlemen! It’s the beginning of a most wonderful day! However, there are blasphemers and silent by-standers, who would have it otherwise. We must not give into them, they are the ones that should be judged." - "I disavow you, eyes corrupted must be crushed."

These are the only references Amane makes to the audience and Milgram. Literally going those who agree with me you know what to do. Those who don't well we can't give into those people now can we!

Then there's Mu,

"I am innocent as everybody desires."- "We are just the same. Don’t you think it’s wonderful to control them with my gentle sting?"

Mu compares how what the audience is doing is no different from what she has done. So of course it only makes sense she'd be Innocent. Then specifically speaks of Es after. The one who is also controlling people with their gentle sting. (This statment does apply to the audience as well. Since we're impacting the prisoners through the press of a button a gentle sting/poke. )

The lines calls attention to the emotional and psychological abuse Kotoko points out as being just as bad as what she's doing in her voice drama. Something Es also brings up as a factor in Mu's case during you guessed it her second voice drama.

When Mu says she never really hit anyone herself and Es goes yeah you just had other people do it for you.

"I haven't bullied anyone! I'd never do such a mean thing!" ... "I've never once hit anyone or poured water over anyone's head. I wouldn't do something like that!" ... "I'm not lying. I'm not being dishonest! I really haven't done anything!" I see. I'll take note of that.

Just like Kotoko did with Es. Saying just because you never hit anyone doesn't mean you haven't caused harm or incited it to occur. As Es attempts to highlight they never really used excessive physical violence/took it as far as Kotoko did with the prisoners. Despite the fact that they have hit them and impacted some of them just as negatively as Kotoko has.

Even more so from the admission of Mahiru in her second voice drama.

"I mean it. It doesn't hurt. Compared to the way I felt when you chose not to forgive me... Not at all." ...! "Not at all... Nothing. None of it hurts. It's not...as big of a deal. Ever since, I've constantly been hearing...voices saying I couldn't be forgiven. Yours? Whose? I don't know... I don't know, but... I've heard them this whole time." Mahiru, calm down... "Was what I did such a bad thing? I just... had a normal relationship like everyone else...! That's all I did! Why can that not be forgiven? Hey, why? Why? Why?"

Kotoko's second trial voice drama does well to follow up on those similarities It's Not My Fault, Bring It On, and Backdraft highlighted between the prisoners and those who watch Milgram. The same mentality to jump into something that is quite frankly no one other than the parties involved business just to turn around and blame others when things get bad.

Later

"Ah- But if you don't forgive me, then Haruka-kun will die. So, I think it'd be best not to do that." ...! So, you've heard about that nonsense, too? "Mhm! Haruka-kun told me. So, I could rest easy according to him. That made me happy... It made me really feel our friendship!" You know about it and you're not trying to stop him? Haruka, that is? "Why would I? Haruka-kun says that's what he wants. So, there's nothing I can do, right?" But you're calling him your friend? "Isn't it exactly because he's, my friend? Isn't friendship about letting your friends do the stuff they want?" ... "Are you planning to tell me, "That's not what friendship is."? Then, what is it? It's about sticking together because it's beneficial for everyone involved, isn't it?" I don't think Haruka is benefitting from that at all. "No way... It's not like you'd know what's good for him." ... You sure are tough to beat. "I really don't get what it is you're trying to say, Warden-san. Haruka-kun is free to decide what he wants, and I'm not doing anything wrong. It's not like I asked him to do that!" I see. So, that's how it is, huh. You don't say anything; just because you're present, the wishes of those around you evolve to benefit you- Oh, so that's it. Like, a born queen. No, it's as if you're influencing your surroundings not with words but with pheromones... Just like a queen bee. "Pheromones...? I'm not sure what you're going on about but I'm not a fan of that lewd-sounding stuff." That's not the nuance i was talking about. "Either way there are prisoners much more deserving of not being forgiven than me. So, I think you should focus your energy on those guys instead. Like, Kotoko-san has been up to no good, for example. Ah, but what she did was approved by you, wasn't it?" ...You're making my blood boil. "Anyway... I think you would do good to forgive me. Then Haruka-kun will be safe, too. Ah, actually- Couldn't you just forgive everyone? Then Kotoko-san won't run amok, and you won't have to think about all the difficult stuff." ...That is...a very enticing proposal. "Right? Hah, hehehe." Abandoning all thinking... How nice it would be if I could just do that. "...If you ask me, I don't really get why you don't do it..." Because this is the role I'm playing! "But this role was giving to you, wasn't it?" ...! "You didn't end up doing this because you wanted to, right? It's not a dream you've had for a long time or anything, Warden-san? So, there's no need to let it tie you down. Couldn't you just quit?" What are you... "Warden-san- We call you warden, because that's what you are, right? And I wa sassigned the role of prisoner, but that doesn't mean I'm now nothing but a prisoner at heart, too. After all, I'm still me." ...! "Are you okay warden? Are you feelings sick again?" Haah...haeuahh... "That's because you keep thinking too much about difficult things." ...Gyh!... Haah... "Just stop. Being the warden, that is."

Es brings up that Mu is emotionally manipulative. That she hones onto any weakness to exploit in those she dislikes and makes herself look small so those around will feel more inclined to help her. Through her voice drama, like many of the other prisoners, Mu uses the same tactics that got her into Milgram to begin with.

From her first voice drama Mu is well aware that Es has issues when it comes to thinking about themselves outside of their job as prison guard. She recognizes it as a trigger which she willfully exploits in an attempt to get her point across better.

Then despite saying what Kotoko did is no concern of hers and since it was approved by the warder it'd be wrong of her to disagree with it earlier in the same voice drama her tone changes a lot near the end.

"Huh? But that has nothing to do with me." What? "The ones who are suffering are the ones who have done bad things right? You know, like, what goes around comes around?" ... "Besides Kotoko-san hurt and was mean to the people who you chose not to forgive, right?" ...Yeah. "Wouldn't it be weird for me to have any thoughts on that, then? After all, I didn't do anything wrong. You forgave me!"

Yet, suddenly when the idea that she might be viewed as in the wrong later comes up Kotoko is running amok and is a prisoner more deserving of not being forgiven than her. Because Mu as she has always done puts targets on other people to avoid being singled out herself. Then to add insult to injury she directly contradicts what she says about friendship and it being letting the people around you do what they want.

By continuing to badger Es into quiting being a guard and stop taking the role so seriously. Because Es taking their job seriously does not benefit Mu. It puts her at risk of being singled out and votes guilty later down the line. So, it's better if they just drop it.

If they don't/can't she has no issues, or qualms making the situation more difficult for them by poking at weak spots until Es-

If you want to betray from jealousy I’ve told you what’s gonna happen.

What's the point of highlighting all of this? Why include all the others when this is just meant to be about if Mikoto references the audience over the course of trial two.

Well, to be completely honest this isn't about them.

Even though at times this seems to be about the others. They're only being used as examples of how I analyzed the information provided and discerned through my own perspective when the audience was being referred to, how it was being referred to and why.

It is just easiest to explain that method over the course of all the prisoners and build up to Mikoto.

It just so happens that this may stand out more overtly with Mu than any of the other prisoners. Because of how consistent a character she is. Like she states in her voice drama no matter what labels external forces put on her, inside, in her heart she will always be Mu. She, like all the other prisoners, isn't changing and has no desire to change.

Their only desire is to escape punishment and gain social power and influence by any means necessary at times.

This is important with how they refer to the audience and the entities they choose to suck up to. Many of the prisoners have recognized being nice to Es just does not matter long term because they are just a proxy. They don't have much power or influence over how the prisoners are viewed.

Sure, it's good to get along with them for images sake during the interrogation but ultimately how well off they are with the guard doesn't heavily impact their verdict.

Yet, as long as they aren't outwardly and overtly malicious, they can get away with harassing Es if they want to. Mu's whole thing is making it appear as though she had no malicious intent or at least if she did it was a warranted response to the circumstances. She's just a victim, an underdog biting back. It's not her fault people were mean to her, but she doesn't just have to take it on the chin and wear it.

She has a right to protect herself after all she was-

"Having such a hard time." and "Trying so hard."

She was at a point where she couldn't take it anymore. Her heart was all dried up and her sorry spells weren't working.

Mikoto is the same way throughout his voice drama.

A mix of Mu and Mahiru's behavior. Basically, they're all passive aggressive about it. Dancing around the point instead of tackling it head on.

Not really elaborating on what they've heard but more so implying it through their emotional states and responses.

"If you just laugh and pretend, usually things will work out in the end right?"

X

"I'm pretty good at that! Making things work out to the best of my abilities." Is that so... "Eheheh... But...it's not coming to an end. All of this. With things I've never even heard before, the whole ti- The whole time... Haah... I have to see through all of these irritating experiences...!" You emerged, huh. "Hey. Looks like you haven't received a beating yet, Warden brat." ...! ... "Hah? What, are you scared?" Like you didn't get beaten by Kotoko...! "Heheh... That was just because she caught me off guard. We went at it again while you were asleep and it's not like i lost there."

Mikoto in his second voice drama similarly to Mahiru and Kazui does not willfully give Es or the audience information. Instead questioning Es on what they believe and what they saw.

"As for alters... Why do you think they're born?" In precise terms it's called, Dissociative Identity Disorder. Generally speaking it refers to when a person experiences severe pain or stress, and a new personality is created in order to isolate the original personality from the resulting trauma. "Yeah. I... probably come out to ease the stress I experience."

It's important to note that Mikoto (John) is not speaking in past tense here but present tense. So, he's not stating I emerged in the past in response to the stress Mikoto was experiencing. He's literally saying I'm coming out now to ease the stress he's currently experiencing.

Subtly calling to attention that Milgram, the verdict and the audience voices are causing Mikoto stress and he was brought out to handle and relieve Mikoto from that.

Even elaborating after that-

"The fact that I come out for longer just means that I'm constantly under extreme stress."

Again highlighting the negative impact Milgram has had on Mikoto's mental health and wellbeing. Yet also calling to attention that Mikoto (John) doesn't have a clue about what the source of the stress is. Just that Mikoto must be stressed for him to be here. Saying that just means and going off the fact that he's here at all to discern that.

Them asking this at least confirms again that they both recognize the audience as well as Es at least know Mikoto has Dissociative Identity Disorder. Something Mikoto states he's heard from the voices on his birthday as well.

The fact that he's questioning if there's really another "me" on his birthday means he more than likely heard that from the audience. He doesn't really get the chance to broach it in his voice drama or doesn't broach the topic.

Yet it is made abundantly clear before that occurs that Mikoto is aware due to the voices he's heard from the audience. So there's that as well.

All this makes the moment after this particularly interesting.

Stress... Namely, the environment of Milgram, right? "Right. You're decision to not forgive me is especially stress inducing. That's why I'm entrusting me with my heart." I see. "Not like I can blame myself. From my point of view, I'm being blamed for a crime I can't even remember." If that's the truth, then... You're the one who committed the murder? "Yeah, it was me. I killed them off." ... "So, I, Mikoto really didn't do it." Can i ask... Why you killed them? "They annoyed me." Who did you kill? "Just whoever was walking around nearby." ... How many did you kill? "Can't remember I was just born back then, you know. It's kind of fuzzy."

Just whoever was walking around-

In this empty ass back alley looking underpass in the dead of fucking night. Okay, Lil' Slugger. I believe you.

I too walk around in the dark of night to secluded spaces with no public foot traffic and a loud passing train that would mask not only my screams but those of anyone else around this is true and reasonable. It's something we all have to do we can't control where our homes are located or find other safer alternative night routes at times. Sometimes you just gotta do what you gotta do and people like Mikoto are there.

Sometimes you have to walk up to or past a suspicious ominously posted up stranger that definitely doesn't look in any way to be waiting to initiate a hit. That's not something any person would want to avoid in the middle of the night on their walk by all means. I would have seen you like this and went whelp fuck my house is that way... Aw, damn he's either gonna kill me or I'm gonna get home but I gotta walk that way. Better start praying and speed walking.

I ain't even a religious person but I need something to have me right now.

We already made eye contact. I saw him see me. That was my first mistake. Can't get out of it now. Whelp, I have the perfect song for this. I'm such a fucking disappointment. Oh, this route will be shorter there's not many people on it! We'll get home faster. Now I'm about to die.

I would be so pissed to die because this guy was just what fucking waiting to hurt somebody. What the fuck man pick up a contact sport and put the bat down!

Think I was fucking around when I said okay I belive you well ha ha; no. I wasn't. I don't believe this is the truth in this instance. However, I one hundred percent believe this is some city shit. The fucked up thing is what he just said isn't unreasonable like that shit happens there's senseless violence all the time. That doesn't make it better he really went on the mic and said,

"I killed someone because it really was just one of those days, I'm quirky like that. I didn't even know them. Didn't even know their name. They were just annoying had those hit me with a bat vibes you know."

Like dude fuck you that's not better. That's substantially worse actually. I'm sorry this has nothing to do with the question. It's just... Rewatching Mikoto's second voice drama is a trip. One second it's like if you did do that for the reason you stated then you're kind of just objectively the worst person here and continuing to vote you guilty would be better.

He just admitted he just does this shit to relieve his own stress and it doesn't matter who he hits. It's not personal in any way. Does having a hard time and demanding job excuse that? I don't think it does. These were all people to his own quick and flimsy admission had no connection to him. Never wronged him, hell they're strangers whose only crime was walking near him.

Yet the child who killed their abuser is barely treading water while he's here coasting-

That's fucked up! The fanbase did Amane Momose dirty and it really just seems like it's because she's a child. Because these fucking adults be acting hell of childish and they are not getting as much heat as this twelve year old has. Be better. The fuck type of defense is this. He really came in here and said,

"I felt like it so I did. What's the problem?"

Then a majority of people went alright go off he's such a victim- Of what nepotism, marginally good looking priviliege?! Being shippable and okay to sexualize leading to people liking and projecting on him more than a twelve-year-old?! Because all of those things are actually helping him a lot if you take a step back to think about. Like if you take in the image in full he's doing quite well now in comparison to the shit start he had.

He literally said I killed just because they annoyed me. I didn't even know them and people went I do not dee the problem with that. Go off king people do be annoying. If you don't want to die don't be annoying in public. Being annoying death penalty actively abusining your child for years and killing a cat come on Amane jumping to murder due to that was a bit of leap wasn't it. Like even if your religion said so sweety killing is bad.

Because the truth is if he was Amane's age and gave the excuse that was given here it wouldn't be working. It would be giving repeat offender energy he would need to learn a lesson. He would be hiding behind his disorder.

Even though Mikoto (John) may only be admiting to committing the murders to cover for Mikoto which I'll go into again later... I'm mostly highlighting this to go this should not have made him be more favorably viewed. Like people really just ignored he said that shit.

Yet, then other times in the voice drama it really sounds like listening to your friend lie about the disorder they have blatantly and without restraint to get out of something they simply did not want to do to begin with. To an individual that is woefully underinformed about how the disorder works. Which is me saying it's fucking hilarious. It is absolutely amazing. He should keep doing that actually.

It's not Mikoto or Mikoto (John's) fault that people are ignorant when it comes to dissociative identity disorder and stereotype people that have it. He should take advantage of what aids him. If that's the ignorance of others in this age it takes ten seconds to start researching. No one has to teach anybody in the real wold except teachers and they ain't paid well for it.

We gotta figure it out on our own. He is in jail he doesn't owe society or anyone in that jail shit especially the truth and he isn't giving it.

Mikoto (John) goes me fronting longer has allowed me to stabilize which probably isn't good and means Mikoto the prisoner is disappearing. That is not typically not how Dissociative Identity Disorder works. I don't know why anyone would want to present it as though it does work the way Mikoto (John) is purporting. He's basically saying that alters are born at random and are immediately violent.

This is a a very weird and stereotypical way of discussing and presenting people with DID. That has led to the demonization and stigmatizing of the disorder. It's not like it can't happen people can have violent alters but usually they're responding to a trigger not just being violent towards uninvolved parties or just lashing out at anyone while outside of stressful situations.

Plus, alters can go dormant but that doesn't just happen due to someone else fronting. They can also be integrated. Everyone is different though. So, maybe that's just how this works for Mikoto. Though, alters do disappear for a bit that happens as well. So, why is Mikoto (John) acting like Mikoto's gonna die?

It's difficult for me not to question how this was phrased, especially given what others have pulled over the course of trial two. A good deal of trial two has been prisoners going well if you vote me Guilty someone else will disappear/die- So, you should just like find me innocent. It's that easy find me innocent and everything will be fine.

Like these assholes have genuinely forgotten they are in here because someone has already died. They really be out here like I will certainly take a life but it won't be mine. Do as I say not as I do. Violence is bad and we wouldn't want to hurt anyone let's all just get along.

Where was this Barney ass logic when you were giving people head-on collisions with bats, knives to people's chest, committing malpractice. Like none of these people have said there's no reason to take a life because they've all fucking done it. Just that there's no reason to take away their lives. At least with the people who have brought that sort of thing up.

Isn't that sort of fucked up? That all of trial two a good deal of prisoners threatened the audience with the idea of someone dying as a result of the audiences' actions. Completely ignoring, downplaying, or evading the fact that someone has already died because of their actions.

Instead, it's about reducing harm in the present suddenly. Yet they weren't thinking about reducing harm when they did what they did. Maybe reducing harm to themselves. Then when their victims come up they get real quiet suddenly. Unless it's Shidou or Mahiru who immediately turn it around and make it about how the victims deaths are impacting them.

How it's making them feel bad.

Even ignoring all of the emotionally questionable things presented here and over the course of trial two. Pushing that to the side and just taking the voice drama by itself.

It's riddled with contradictions. For example, this statement

"Evidently, the time I've been fronting has been getting longer. So, this "me" has been able to stabilize. Isn't that the reason we can talk properly?"

Let's again ignore the fact that you were working and taking the fucking train before Milgram. Something that is not only expressly shown in your music video but corroborated by Mikoto's own testimony that directly conflicts with seeing you on a fucking train,

Q.12 How do you travel to work? Mikoto: Road cycling. It’s one of my hobbies, and it’s good exercise too. The fact I don’t have to worry about making the last train can be both a blessing and a curse.

Meanwhile in clown town where the alibis are shit and keeping a story straight is dead.

Q.17 Do you smoke? Mikoto: Only electric. I used to smoke real cigarettes in the past, but since I started my job I’ve stopped.

Like they even change the tote bags they carry so one has the color we fucking have had associated with Mikoto (John) and the other doesn't so the person taking the fucking train is more than like Mikoto (John).

Not even adding to the fact Mikoto confirms that he's the one who works at night in his fucking first written interrogation through this answer-

Q.06 What do you hate? Mikoto: working overnight / reptiles / violence

All things that appear or are alluded to in MeMe. Either from the tarot cards or expressly shown like with the images of him returning home.

Ah, man it'd be a fucking shame if on top of all that there was canonical merch that showed Mikoto vaping after the murder or holding an e-cigarette.

Certainly no one has that and the staff wouldn't provide us with something so damning because they like to keep things up to interpretation and it's not meant to be solvable. It's about how we all view it, view it in our hearts through our feelings.

Meanwhile the third anniversary art coming in with a steel chair.

(Something I brought up way before, along with the idea that the art from the third anniversary is in fact the prisoners after their crimes. Even getting this merch to check more closely. )

Oh, Holmes I'm absolutely stumped at what this could mean. Surely this is still just Mikoto (John) too. It could be no one else. Mikoto is an honest innocent man who couldn't hurt a fly.

All he did was dream. Except when that witty bastard plum forgot he still smoked cigarettes occasionally just a few times. Quitting is difficult, yes, even when moving over to the same thing in a different form. It doesn't mean he's a liar.

For another example, here

This is not Mikoto (John) in MeMe smoking in the tub but still Mikoto. He's an honest but confused man. Who wouldn't know or rightfully remember no longer smoking cigarettes.

Okay time to stop joking around-

It is more reasonable to recognize that they both appear throughout MeMe and Double and this is subtly displayed through their stated habits, clothing, and facial expressions. Then just ignoring the pile of evidence that shows Mikoto (John) clearly had a life outside of here too.

Along with that again to Mikoto's own admission trial one he was the one more active at night until recently. Stating with extraordinarily little prompting-

Q.20 Are you more of a morning person or a night person? Mikoto: I used to be basically nocturnal. Recently though I’ve been falling asleep pretty early.

Ignoring all of that again he's still just fucking lying.

Just because alters don't front doesn't mean they don't have a stable internal existence. What the fuck are you on about right now? Like at most I can generously say he meant it was becoming easier for him to front but this was bullshit.

This was not a good way of phrasing that. Again alters that don't front have personalities and could even have rich lives internally. So, Mikoto (John) is on some nonsense. Like he's just testing what he can fucking get away with because he knows Es is stupid and ill informed.

Every day I question how he is getting away with it when the honest answer is,

People frankly don't care to see it and that's fine.

There's even the fucking fact that Mikoto (John) directly fucking contradicts himself right after stating this.

"Evidently, the time I've been fronting has been getting longer. So, this "me" has been able to stabilize. Isn't that the reason we can talk properly?" ... "If I had stayed a monster maybe that would've been better. ...What?" You've turned out to be much more rational than I expected... I'm surprised. "I'm a university graduate after all."

Alright, Mikoto (John) which the fuck is it?

Have you only recently been fronting enough to stabilize leading to you being able to communicate properly or did you front for all of fucking college?

You were at least aware enough of it to consider yourself a college graduate. So, what's the truth? Huh which fucking is it?

"Can't remember I was just born back then, you know. It's kind of fuzzy."

I am once again asking how you fucking remember college Mikoto (John)?! Yet, were just born back then?

Okay, let's talk about the elephant in the room-

The threekoto or trikoto theory.

Because some people may want to say if you take into consideration the existence of a third unknown alter than all these inconsistencies can be explained, Gunsli. This is what all those inconsistencies are hinting towards, it's the perfect explanation you're just choosing not to see it.

Yes, I am choosing not to see it that way.

Yet that's not only because it doesn't bring me any narrative joy and subtracts from it. It's also because I view that concept as a cheap fix-it solution where a new factor has been shoved into the narrative in order to account for things within it that could be logistically explained by other means. There's also no actual evidence to this being the case.

One could rightfully say what about the inconsistencies you just pointed out though.

Those could simply be explained by a fact that Milgram has brought up since the beginning of the series-

The prisoners can lie.

If the prisoners who are under more restrictions than Mikoto (John) still have the freedom to lie why are people assuming Mikoto (John) isn't lying as well? Especially when being faced with an unknown, dangerous situation, in which he's been threatened with the death sentence? Like wouldn't the reasonable response to such an odd situation be to keep your information yours alone. Not willfully give it to an entity exerting power over you?

So, the inconsistencies found here very well could be there to hint at what exactly happened once all the information is examined together.

Though, let's be serious for a bit.

Let me walk down that bridge with anyone who wants to go there? What's the actual probability that all the information that they gave us-

Including naming the songs,

MeMe and Double.

Along with willfully adding this fucking very overt line,

"Doesn’t matter if you didn’t wish for it, can’t get rid of me now. Just the two of us, relieved, aren’t you? I’ll protect you (us)."

Are all actually statements meant to mislead the audience and both Mikoto and Mikoto (John) are being honest about not remembering the murder and this third more recently born alter is the actual murderer. Because given that statement on the crimes and Mikoto (John)'s admission that yes, he is a college graduate, the lyrics in Double pointing out we made him out to be a scoundrel-

In my opinion that would be the most reasonable conclusion to draw if I were to believe this is true with the information we've been given so far.

Even if that were the case and all of these other things were red herrings.

These would all be objectively the worst red herrings in existence. Because that isn't a red herring it's a fucking school of them. Grab a fishing rod and get to it. This is past the point of being considered a red herring and instead would be more aptly described as a series of overt lies.

You know a good red herring is when people can actually figure out it is that and there's evidence in canon alluding to that being the case and what is commonly accepted as truth being disingenuous. I'm not the biggest Steven Universe fan nor do I hate it passionately. I'm more neutral to it.

So, let's use it as an example.

-Spoilers for Steven Universe-

In Steven Universe it turns out Pink Diamond and Rose Quartz are the same fucking person. There is art that alludes to this before this reveal. There were speculations and theories of this being the case. What Steven Universe did not do repeatedly at any point was go she's not a diamond we swear this is a normal Rose Quartz.

They didn't draw attention to the elephant in the room over and over. Most of the characters in the series believed fully that she was a quartz and had been lied to for years. It's never called attention to because it is a wildly accepted truth. So, nobody questioned it.

Yet, there were still hints this was the case enough for people to speculate such far before it was revealed to be the case. My point is red herrings are seen not heard, not repeated over and over. A red herring by definition is one misleading clue or accepted truth meant to trick the viewer into believing something that is untrue or move them away from the truth.

It's not a consistent pattern.

-End Spoilers for Steven Universe-

Then to add more insult to fucking injury why the fuck would Deco*27 say this-

This isn't a red herring this isn't even within the canon.

This is a statement he made independent of the canon. Outside of that he didn't even have to give a specific number but did anyway. He could have just said what will happen to the Mikoto's now. If they wanted this shit to remain ambiguous. Yet, he still used two unless this translation from the Milgram app is simply wrong and it added that.

It'd be weird but machine translations have been weirder.

Yet, considering everything I've seen it truly makes more sense for me to believe Mikoto and Mikoto (John) are both being dishonest for self-preservation reasons than to believe that the entire series has been lying from jump.

I just find it more likely that these two who found themselves in such a strange situation, who are vehemently trying to convince the audience and the other prisoners around them that they are honest trustworthy men are just fucking lying about a lot of provably false shit. Then as it tends to happen when someone is telling lies off the seat of their fucking pants there are many easily spotted contradictions and direct confirmation of actual truths.

Because the truth tends to be consistent lies aren't unless a person is very skilled at it. (Glances at Kazui.) Throwing all that to the side.

If the idea of there being three alters brings someone joy, then that's all well and good. I'm not trying to stomp that out or rain on anyways parade. I just don't personally want the information I discuss to be associated with that or have any interest in discussing that interpretation.

There are a lot of people who'd have a great time doing that. I am not one of them.

Because I feel using that idea to excuse the fact that the alibi, excuses, other statements Mikoto has given, and the reality of the situation through the songs extracted directly contradict each other in a way that highlights he may not be being honest is not only incredibly convenient for him but somewhat disingenuous.

This includes his voice dramas and the birthday interaction before Double premiered. Unsurprisingly.

I'm not looking for an easy fix for those inconsistencies that keep Mikoto looking infallible and like he couldn't hurt a fly. I'm not looking for something that frames Mikoto as being in the right, a good person, and a victim of circumstance while highlighting an alter as being completely bad and in the wrong always. Because that sort of story is lacking in nuances in my opinion and wouldn't be fun to me.

If that were the case it would make it feel as though the story itself was highlighting Mikoto's character having dissociative identity disorder as the reason for him being a murderer or the only thing that led to these issues occurring. Something that just doesn't feel right to me personally.

It's never like what has Mikoto done/chosen to do or how could he have responded differently or managed stress better. Nope it's always an alters fault, it's always the disorders' fault. There's no respect for Mikoto's own agency because he's a guy with a disorder, he didn't mean it, he couldn't help it, that's just how it is.

The impressive thing is how often Milgram as a series pushes back against this interpretation and simplification of dissociative disorders in general.

Then the fandom pretty much plays into this trying to tell others there's a definitive way to know if someone has it, how many alters they have, and at what time an alter is out just by vibes and speaking patterns alone.

As if dissociative identity disorder doesn't involve a shit ton of masking and trying to appear fine to avoid being singled out by others.

Milgram highlights this issue with the perception of dissociative disorder through Amane's voice drama.

Where Es literally implies that since Amane's case doesn't present the same exact way as Mikoto's and she cannot do the same things as him that solidifies to them that Amane herself cannot have a dissociative disorder. So, in Es' eyes what Amane is doing is just playing pretend by referring to herself as we and god. So, really all she is or appears to be to Es at the end of the day is a kid throwing a tanturm and playing make believe.

Well... It's in vain. So, you might as well listen to me while we're here. "I won't forgive you. I won't forgive you." Prisoners can't attack the warden. This is one of Milgram's core rules, although a certain guy with multiple personalities managed to slip past it. "I won't forgive you... I won't forgive you..." Which means Milgram doesn't dictate who the prisoners are by their body but by their mind. If the mind isn't accounted for then the rule doesn't apply. It bothers me that there's a loophole, but... "I'll kill you...! I'll kill you!" Thanks to this defective rule we can confirm this; The 'you' holding the scissors right now isn't a god or a concept. It's Amane Momose herself. "...I'll..." So, what you're doing right now really is just a game of pretending. This is stupid.

Then Amane later in her voice drama calls out Es for referring to themselves as we. Saying that Es must just be playing pretend to avoid taking accountability for their actions as well.

Es makes the very severe and common mistake of assuming all dissociative disorders present the same way and immediately has their own logic used again them. Leading them to have another crisis of identity. They're shown to have a serious lack of understanding of themselves and their opinion.

Something that from the beginning of Milgram has been shown to cause them discomfort in multiple voice dramas. Mu's first and second one, Kotoko's first and second one, and Amane's second one. This same logic could very well lead to the audience making a lot of the same mistakes as Es is presented making.

Well, that was longer than I anticipated. But, there's a lot of things about Mikoto that imply he not only heard the audience voices but took the reaction he received into account when deciding on how he proceeded.

Other than that, I've got a birthday to have. Sorry for the long answer and going much more in depth than I needed to. I also hope none of this was rude.

Though i can't really control how I'm interpreted.

[luminouslywriting]

Hi. Really enjoying your writings so far. I’m looking forward to reading more of your Mastermind fic.

I see that you’ve got your requests open. So can I request some domestic headcanons for John Brady please.

Hope you have a great weekend!

Not gonna lie, as a fellow Lady Who Brady's....I was twirling my hair, giggling, and immediately running to tell @lambcow about this one since I love him so much! So buckle up, this one is LONG and I could talk about him for DAYS!!!

-This man?

-This precious angel is the best husband and you cannot convince me otherwise, okay??

-Like he's just the sweetest! I don't think he's necessarily over the top in his words or his deeds, but he's devoted and that's the important thing here

-Marriage is sacred to him and you're his entire world. He absolutely makes sure to treat you like that and makes sure that you know how he feels about you.

-He's a man of WORDS. He absolutely considers it a God-given gift that he gets to tell you he loves you every day before work, always thanks you for whatever time or effort you've put into things, and always kisses you goodnight and murmurs sweet nothings into your ears.

-John Brady also really loves to treat you on special occasions. Some of the gifts include a pearl necklace, pretty bows for your hair, new gloves, a nice pair of heels, he loves to see how excited you get at his little gifts

-Anniversaries are a big deal to him and he makes a big deal of birthdays and celebrating holidays

-He prefers intimate gatherings to large affairs and this is reflective in the way that he's not very big on PDA

-But if you're out in public and he feels so inclined, he might like to rest his hand on your waist or the small of your back

-Loves holding hands while cuddling, especially at nighttime

-I can't explain it, but he's very refined when it comes to literature and books and so you two definitely read together at nighttime—especially poetry or particularly beautiful literature.

-Would, in fact, write you small poems to let you know how much he loves you

-If you're musically inclined, IT'S LITERALLY the best thing ever for this man

-Playing the piano together always turns into tickling or giggling fits after a while of actually attempting to play the music

-Really wants to teach all of your future children music too

-If you're not musically inclined, that's fine, he's still going to try and teach you haha

-He loves to serenade you and don't tell anyone, but if you're ever having a hard time falling asleep, he does sing to you to get you to get sleepy and it works every single damn time

-Because he's really big on words and conversation and communication, he's always really patient with you if you're frustrated or upset about things

-He's the type of husband who could listen to someone talk for hours and hours

-But also sit in comfortable silence because you two are just at ease with one another

-Doesn’t really sleep in but he loves waking up before you to watch you sleep….its something that really calms him and reassures him

-Loves to go dancing and is really really good at it. He has a ton of fun doing all of the spins and fancy moves bc you know he can.

-Will help you detangle your hair. I can't explain it, but I just know that he could braid hair. I have no context for given thing, but I just know it

-Likes to help you get your shoes on

-Is very touchy and sweet when it's just the two of you

-Is a decent cook? Like it's definitely edible but idk if the flavor is gonna be very good haha

-Very traditional in the sense of what he feels like he should be doing for you and around the house

-Loves sitting with his arm around you in church and is ever-slightly pleased when everyone looks at you like you're the most stunning thing ever because OBVIOUSLY they're seeing what he's seeing

-Always knows exactly what to say to make you feel better if you’re having a hard day

-Lingering kisses, kisses that are softly feathered down necks, massages when you're stressed—HIS HANDS PLS I CAN'T

-Literally just wants to be a dad, give the man several babies please

Spicy thoughts below:

-He strikes me as the type of man to like baths and loves sharing baths with you. It doesn't even have to be a sexual thing, it's the intimacy of it all that really has him hooked.

-Going back to the hands thing....listen, we all know Brady is skilled with his hands *coughs at Marina and Bee* but he adores making you come apart with his hands

-Hates to argue but LOVES makeup sex and it's always really hot. He definitely doms in that situation and enjoys being possessive and making you lose control.

-Is really good at hiding when he's turned on but there's a certain look that he gives you and you just know things are about to take a turn

-Doesn't get jealous easily, which is great—but also really loves to show you that he's all yours

-Just as skilled with his mouth as he is with his hands and don't you ever forget it

-Doesn't enjoy quickies but quickies in the sense of sexual acts? He's all for it if it means giving you pleasure

-Loves it when you make sounds in the bedroom and is pretty vocal himself

-Big on praise kink for both you and him (he def calls you “pretty girl and baby in the bedroom)

-also a breeding kink heheh…..why else would there be seven children in the future haha?

-swimming pool sex

-car sex

-Just really good sex in general haha

[wen-kexing-apologist]

Bengiyo Queer Cinema Syllabus

Not to sound repetitive but, I had a busy couple weeks, but finally had a second to return to @bengiyo’s queer cinema syllabus. I am currently working my way through Unit 4: Heartbreak Alley, the totally light-hearted, definitely not agonizing section of the syllabus where I get to watch countless acts of violence be committed against queer people. Thank fuck I have Lesbians waiting for me at the end of this unit. The films in Unit 4 are: Bent (1997), Strange Fruit (2004), Boys Don’t Cry (1999), Brokeback Mountain (2005), Parting Glances (1986), Philadelphia (1993), The Living End (1992), Holding the Man (2015), Jeffery (1995), and Boys on the Side (1995).

Today I will be talking about

Parting Glances (1986) dir. Bill Sherwood

[Run Time: 1:30, Available: tubi and fubo, Language: English]

Summary: As Michael and Robert, a gay couple in New York, prepare for Robert's departure for a two-year work assignment in Africa, Michael must face Robert's true motives for leaving while dealing with their circle of eccentric friends, including Nick, who is living with AIDS.

Cast: 

John Bolger as Robert

Richard Ganoung as Michael 

Steve Buscemi as Nick 

__

Well, I have to say this was very much not what I was expecting for the first AIDS related movie of the syllabus. After some pretty hefty violent deaths of queer characters in the first half of Unit 4, I was very much anticipating the heart wrenching tragedies to continue immediately once I hit the AIDS epidemic portion. But Parting Glances very much subverted my expectations of what I was walking in to, because honestly…so much of it was lovely. 

It’s not that tragedy is not a part of this movie, it is, it’s just hidden under the layer of friendship, community, and love that feels like the core theme of the film. I am thinking about the party at Joan’s and how much happiness and celebration was happening there, with community abound, and yet how Michael kept telling people they should call Nick because he would appreciate it, showing just how much Nick has lost of his own community since his HIV/AIDS diagnosis. 

I really loved how real these relationships to one another felt, the way that Michael and Robert were playful with each other, the way that Nick sat on Michael’s lap so casually for a few minutes when Michael cooked him dinner, I loved the conversation Robert had with his ex-girlfriend, the young and hopeful queer boy who wished to live forever. I just loved watching the queer community be a queer community. 

Even in the moments that get a little dour, where Michael gets especially weepy with Nick, those scenes did not make me sad, did not destroy me the way other films in this syllabus have, because that is just grief. Grief is a mighty and terrible thing, but I find beauty in it as well. I find beauty and loveliness in the fact that those tears came from Michael finally admitting to Nick that he loved him, that Nick got to hear himself that he was loved, especially when so many people seemed to have fallen away from him after his diagnosis. I find comfort in the conversations about death that Michael and Joan have together, because those are conversations I’ve had, they feel familiar, they feel like a natural part of life, perhaps they should not have to feel those points so soon, but Nick himself is right, living forever is the only thing none of us can do. 

I really loved that we saw Nick when he was at a stage in his illness where he was simply being careful, but was still full of life, energetic, that he was able to be a support system for Michael and was not only being tended to. We know what is coming, but we are not made to see it. I was really in to what the film did with it’s use of ominous backing track, that Nick could hear it, that it felt like the progression of his illness, that it felt like a sense of impending doom, a cloud that hangs over Nick. 

Throughout a lot of this film I found myself thinking about The Inheritance Part One & Part Two, a play written in 2016 based off of the book Howard’s End by EM Forster. I saw this play a few years back and was lulled in to a false sense of security that this would not be a play about AIDS because it was set in the relatively modern day with a focus on younger queer characters, but ohhhhhhh how wrong I was. Towards the end of the first part, we hear a story from a character named Walter, an older gay man that lived in the same building as the main characters, and he recounts the story of his life, how his husband, Henry, built a farm outside of New York city for the two of them to live in…right around the time that AIDS started decimating the area. How that distance still was not good enough for Henry so he would leave on business trips, because his fear of catching AIDS was so strong. 

Walter tells the story of when he went back in to the city for the first time, and ran in to a friend he used to know, who had acquired AIDS and was on the brink of death. He talks about how when Henry was away, he brought that kid to the farm Henry had built to hide from AIDS, and Walter cared for that boy until he died. Walter talks about doing that again and again and again and again, dozens of times, he would go in to the city, bring a friend back home, and care for them until they passed. 

^[sidebar: I very much do not like Robert]

Part of the play ends with Walter being asked what it was like at that time, Walter asks the main characters to name someone they know, they give a name, he says “they’re dead. Give me another name, he’s dead”. For what felt like minutes, name after name after name is called and name after name after name is dead. When I saw that scene I broke down in the theater, I cried for the entirety of the walk back to the train station, I was brought to the brink of tears at the thought of that scene for a month after I saw the show. 

I mention this because it was all that I could think about while watching Robert and Michael interact with one another, while seeing this plot unfold. Robert fleeing New York while Michael stayed to care for his dying friend. Knowing that Walter and Henry stayed together after all was said and done, after Henry had stopped running from reality, and the death rates had slowed; then seeing Robert decide not to go to Africa, and how Michael did not show any signs of planning to break up with Robert knowing, despite knowing how Robert felt too settled, how Robert had chosen to go, despite knowing that Robert was running from loss, and running from being a support for Michael when the love of his life finally dies. 

So despite the fact that Parting Glances didn’t evoke the same feelings, though I felt like overall it was a relatively upbeat, uptempo, gentle film, the current underneath it all, the dying underneath it all, the tragedy is right there but it is just out of reach. 

Favorite Scene 

I think my favorite scene is when Joan and Michael are laying in bed together, holding stuffed animals at Robert’s going away party while they just casually talk about death and dying. It just felt very much like a conversation I have had with my best friend on multiple occasions, especially lately because we've had a number of deaths happen in our lives recently. And yes, my friend and I both match the type of conversation part this scene, and also the beating each other up with stuffed animals part of this scene.

Obviously we do not spend enough time with the other characters at the party to know exactly what is going on in their lives, and there is not doubt many if not all of them have lost loved ones to AIDS, but we know that Joan and Michael are really the only two people who go and visit Nick, and it feels so symbolic of the weight that they are shouldering caring for their dying friend to have the only two people who have not cut themselves off from Nick be sitting together, in another room away from all the other gay attendees, discussing, speculating, joking about death. 

Favorite Quote

We all know the real right answer is: “Straight men are jerks. Gay men are jerks. Straight women are jerks. That leaves lesbians and they are off in their ivory towers laughing their heads off at the rest of us. I should’ve been a dyke” 

But I am going to go for the more serious:

“...look at the others, waiting, wondering if some innocent moment of pleasure long past can set them up with the ultimate form of [German word my subtitles did not state]...  I’d like to stage a piece in which all of the performers are people who are terminally ill, can you imagine the intensity, the concentration, the purpose”

This is said off-handedly in a conversation between Joan and a heterosexual male artist who was attending the party. I put it here for two reasons: a) the first half is a very succinct commentary on the state of the queer community (at least who were at the party) and feels like general commentary about the movie’s premise as a whole. Especially because Nick talks about how he didn’t realize how long the gestation period of HIV was, and by the time he started taking protective measures it was already too late. b) because the second half is just the most pretentious, absolutely mindless, careless, and shitty thing to say to someone who is actively losing a friend to a terminal illness. This fucking hetero artist came in to a room full of queer people and decided that dying people would be great to put in to his next project for ~The Vibes~ and I love that comment so much because first, it shows how much he Does Not Get It, and second because of how much disgust is baked in to Joan’s “Excuse me” as she leaves before he can finish his thought. 

Because to say that to someone who is watching loved one after loved one after loved one die before their eyes is an absolutely disgusting thing to do (in my opinion). 

Final Score

8/10

Up next, Philadelphia (1993)

[simplegenius042]

Music Monday & Last Song I Listened Too

Tagged by @skoll-sun-eater

Tagging @socially-awkward-skeleton @noodlecupcakes @voidika @imogenkol @josephseedismyfather @aceghosts @inafieldofdaisies @icecutioner @derelictheretic @shallow-gravy @shellibisshe @direwombat @strangefable @rhettsabbott @josephslittledeputy @cloudofbutterflies92 @cassietrn @carlosoliveiraa @adelaidedrubman @g0dspeeed @wrathfulrook @afarcryfrommymain @strafethesesinners @turbo-virgins @raresvtm @softtidesworld @starsandskies @ladyoriza @la-grosse-patate @florbelles @titiagls @minilev @yokobai @thewanderer-000 @omen-speaker @justasmolbard @alypink @thesingularityseries @nightwingshero and @lulu2992 (for the Last Song You've Listened To mostly) + anyone else who'd like to join.

Three songs for A Radioactive Calamity Of Love, Bombs & Gore, The UnTitledverse and The Silver Chronicles. You can listen to them under the cut:

You know... with the amount of similarities in trauma and certain points in their worldviews... I think Silva and the Seeds would have gotten along if the Voice wasn't fucking with everyone. Hell, after experiencing violence, confronting her traumas and having really confusing and mixed feelings with them, at the mid point of the story, Silva just wants to stop the war because she no longer wants to kill the Seeds (which may or may not have something to do with bonding with a captive John and whatever she and Faith got going on). Yes, Silva goes from "I'm putting all of you into the ground" to "actually you guys are too relatable to kill I need to stop this violence". That's pretty much how the first half of the fic goes. Anyway here's a song that describes it best:

"Wish we could laugh, play, joke all day Like good friends do But we can't get along, no (yea man) We can't get along, no." "We just fight, fight it just ain't right What we put ourselves through We can't get along, no We just can't get along, no (ohh, ohh)!"

"We can't stay the same and let this battle just go on We can make a change and prove everybody wrong

Why can't we be friends? Why can't we be friends? Why can't we be friends? Why can't we be friends?"

SPECIALS is a fun little not-plot-relevant-at-all future roleplay designed to celebrate all those holidays and seasons and is purely fun crack. Calvin Dearing being present does not mean it's relevant to his story or mental health. (But please someone get him out he's too hungover for this song...). Anyway when I imagine this is the song that makes the most sense for this WIP because it is pure chaos. Enjoy!

"This song's gonna get stuck inside yo' This song's gonna get stuck inside yo' This song's gonna get stuck inside your head

'Cause it's so catchy, catchy It's such a catchy song Gonna make you happy, happy Don't try to fight it, sing along

This song's gonna get stuck inside yo' (Head!) This song's gonna get stuck inside yo' (Head!) This song's gonna get stuck inside your head!"

Marissa "Ress" Bishop is one of the most optimistic characters who manages to build an upbeat worldview in spite of the suffering and pains she'll be going through (e.g. the death of her brother, outliving her mother despite seeming to be in her late twenties, the fact she'll outlive most of everyone she knows because of her long lifespan, etc). Her whole goal in the Commonwealth is to kill her father and just take time to live afterwards, just like Ore would want her to. Once the Commonwealth is liberated (from Maxson's Chapter of the Brotherhood of Steel), there's a night of celebration before Ress, Nate and their companions go on to deal with the Institute and Arcane Urias. And yes, Ress is definitely taking Piper onto the dance floor. Besides this song definitely fits Ress:

"'Cause I got a feeling (woohoo!) That tonight's gonna be a good night That tonight's gonna be a good night That tonight's gonna be a good, good night A feeling (woohoo!) That tonight's gonna be a good night That tonight's gonna be a good night That tonight's gonna be a good, good night (I feel)

Tonight's that night (hey!) Let's live it up (Let's live it up!) I got my money (My pay) Let's spend it up (Let's spend it up) Go out and smash it (Smash it!) Like, "Oh my God!" (Like, "Oh my God!") Jump out that sofa (Come on!) Let's kick it off (I feel)

Fill up my cup (Drank!) Mazel tov (L'chaim!) Look at her dancing (Move it, move it) Just take it off! Let's paint the town (Paint the town) We'll shut it down (Let's shut it down!) Let's burn the roof (Woo!) And then we'll do it again Let's do it, let's do it, let's do it (Let's do it! Let's do it, and do it (do it!), and do it (Let's live it up!) And do it (Do it!), and do it (Do it!), and do it, do it, do it (And, and, and do it!) Let's do it (And do it!), let's do it (And do it!), let's do it, do it, do it, do it (Hey, hey, hey!)

Here we come, here we go, we gotta rock (Rock, rock, rock, rock, rock!) Easy come, easy go, now we on top (Top, top, top, top, top!) Fill the shot, body rock, rock it don't stop (Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop!) 'Round and 'round, up and down, around the clock (Rock, rock, rock, rock, rock, I feel!)

Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday (Do it!) Friday, Saturday, Saturday to Sunday (Do it!) Get, get, get, get, get with us, you know what we say Party every day, p-p-p-party every day

And I'm feeling (Woohoo!) That tonight's gonna be a good night That tonight's gonna be a good night That tonight's gonna be a good, good night A feeling (woohoo!) That tonight's gonna be a good night That tonight's gonna be a good night That tonight's gonna be a good, good night Woohoo!"

And the last song that I've listened to (recently) would have been:

Fiend Like Me - The Stupendium

[kittyball23]

A Broppy Wedding (a Trolls fanfic)

Summary: Two movies, two specials, and two shows later, the time has come for two Trolls to come together in the way that only true love can make happen 💙

A/N: What better way to celebrate Broppy Day than to write out the Broppy wedding!💕 I've been wanting to write this for a little while now, but finally made myself go through with it after it was requested by adapotatathegoat_27 on Wattpad. Hopefully you'll enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it!😄

__________________________________________

“Is this really necessary?”

Branch’s question was answered with a hearty laugh from his brother John Dory. “Oh, Branch, of course it is! How else are you gonna look fly for your wedding, hmm?”

“It’s not ‘looking fly’ that’s bothering me,” Branch replied. “It’s the fact that I can get dressed on my own!” Branch groaned as John Dory completely disregarded his words and kept tugging the blue Troll’s pants up from behind him, trying to get the rims fully over his hips. And, given that John Dory was their band’s ‘leader’ (a title that had been self-appointed by JD himself), their other brothers had taken his cue and were doing their part in assisting their youngest bro to get ready. Spruce was touching up a very nice-looking, iridescent vest for him, double and triple-checking to make sure that there were no nicks or flaws with it at all. Clay was shaking up some cans of hairspray, his eyes set on Branch’s crop of rich blue hair. Floyd was sifting around some cabinets, seeming to be looking for something in particular, though none of the other brothers knew what exactly.

Branch appreciated the help, but he had to roll his eyes a little bit at it too. “Guys, you do know that just because I was called ‘Baby Branch’ doesn’t actually mean that I still am a baby.”

“In our eyes you will be!” John Dory chirped in reply, finally getting Branch’s pants in place. He stepped back a sec, eyeing his work, and then wolf-whistled. “Hoo-boy! The rump’s looking on point, bro!” Suddenly, before he could help himself (and before Branch could utter a “Don’t you even think about it!”) John Dory had stooped down and given him a firm, playful smack on the rear.

“OW!” the blue Troll cried, rubbing the affected area with his hands and shooting his giggling oldest brother an annoyed glance. “I hate it when you do that…”

“Well, whether you hate it or not, JD’s got a point,” Spruce chimed in with a sly look on his face. “Nothing to be ashamed of if your girl’s gonna like it.”

“WHOA, now, easy going down that train of thought!” Branch exclaimed, blushing heavily.

“Pfft,” his purple-haired brother scoffed. “You know I’m right, dude.”

“Yeah, Branch!” Clay piped up. “And once she sees your abs, she’s totally gonna faint!”

“I don’t have abs,” Branch said,confused, and then narrowing his eyes at the lime-green Troll.

“Sure you do,” Clay protested, pointing at his chest. “Right there! Look! It’s a little bit, but they’re still there.”

Branch still felt a blush burning in his cheeks. Would Poppy appreciate it if he really did have them? The tantalizing thought of having her run her fingers down his chest, outlining the possible muscles that were there made him dare to take a peek and see if Clay was right. But before his eyes could even process anything upon looking down, Clay’s hand shot out and chucked him under the chin.

“Oh! Made ya look!”

As Branch heard his lime-green-haired brother laughing, he felt silly for falling for the oldest trick in the prankster’s book. But Branch couldn’t be sour - this was the happiest day of his life, and so he laughed along with Clay… at least, until the Troll began to crazily spray his hairspray bottles at Branch’s head.

“Easy, bro, what the heck!” Branch sputtered between coughs. “What’s the deal?”

“Gotta look spiffy!” Clay reasoned. He went to spray again, but Branch shoved his hands away.

“Whoa, whoa, uh-uh. Too much, dude. Just because you spray yours a lot doesn’t mean I want mine the same way.”

“I don’t spray mine a lot,” Clay said, but instantly proved himself wrong when he took the sprays and spritzed them into his wild hair instead.

Spruce waved his hand and was coughing. “Dude, Branch is right - spray overload! Why so extra?” But then he paused and realized. “Ohhhh, wait a minute, I see what this is about.” He grinned at Clay, who was suddenly starting to look nervous. “You’re trying to impress your girl! Viva, am I right?”

“What?” Clay said, playing dumb. “Naw, you’re wrong. I’m, uh… I’m just trying to look good for the wedding, obviously.”

“Mmm-hmm. All I can say is, you better get ready to pucker too, sucker,” Spruce riffed, cracking up at Clay’s paled reaction to that.

“All right, all right, but enough about you,” Spruce said when he’d calmed down (which was more than could be said about the nearly-fainted Clay). “This is about Branch, remember? Now, let’s get him all set up!” He carefully grabbed the vest for Branch and began to bring it over to his little brother, but had to stop in his tracks when he found that his other little brother had beat him.

Floyd, who was as quiet as he was emo, must have slipped in while Spruce was embarrassing Clay. He stood before Branch, holding his blue brother’s jaw in place and coming at him with something in his other hand.

“What the - ? Floyd, what are you doing?” Spruce asked, very confused.

“Oh, just a little touch-up for his face,” the magenta-haired Troll assured, then got back to work.

But that wasn’t so easy with Branch backing away and looking suspicious. “Um, what exactly are you doing?” Then his gaze focused in on the object that Floyd was holding and he recoiled. “Is that lipstick??”

“Don’t be silly, Branch,” Floyd said. “It’s glitter. Cherry-flavored!”

Floyd came at him again, but Branch backed himself away even more.

“No… sorry, Floyd. I’m not putting that on.”

“Oh! Well, if you don’t like cherry, I’ve got other flavors too. Blueberry, grape, strawberry, pineapple - “ Floyd rambled, until he was stopped by Spruce.

“What I think Branch means is that he doesn’t need any enhancers, if you catch my drift,” the purple-haired Troll said, nudging Floyd.

John Dory nodded to that. “I know that’s right. His girl went to town with him the day he proposed, no balm required!” JD shouted, making Branch dazed at the memory of how he and Poppy had kissed… and kissed and kissed and kissed after she’d agreed to become his wife!

Floyd looked pensive, but then he nodded. "Well, alright. You're looking great so far, Branch." Then, he leaned over and gave his little brother a quick hug. And Branch, having not been one to ever turn down a hug from the magenta-haired Troll, hugged back.

"Aw, how cute," Clay teased, but soon found himself being hauled over to the pair by JD, with Spruce being tugged on the teal Troll's other arm. Suddenly, all five Trolls found themselves enveloped in a great big group hug.

“Whoa, whoa,” Branch said, as he found himself being squeezed on all sides with no escape. “It’s not Hug Time!” To showcase, he lifted up his left arm with the silent Hug-Time watch.

“Yeah, but we just thought you could use one,” John Dory replied with a grin. The hug continued for another second, and then the boys released each other, getting back to the prep right away.

Spruce was able to grab Branch’s vest again and came around to start putting it on him, slipping his brother’s arms through the holes while Branch just let him (seeing that it was no use continuing to put up the argument that he could dress himself).

“All right!” the purple-haired Troll said when he was finished adjusting it. “Now, go on.”

Branch was confused. "What?"

“You know," Clay said, helping out. “Flex your drip!" He tried emphasizing by making a record scratch noise.

Branch wanted to shake his head. They wanted him to model the vest? He shrugged. Whatever. He made a simple turn so he could see all sides of it, but the purple-haired Troll wasn’t satisfied.

“Come on, Bitty B, you can do better than that!”

Branch grumbled a little, but then got an idea. Feeling a little playful, he made a dramatic turn, flashed a charming smile, and opened up the vest a little to show off his chest (a chest that, as Branch was able to sneak a peek and notice, did in fact have a slight hint of abs!). It was a move that Spruce had done in his youth as a teen, and he of course instantly recognized it and beamed.

“Now we’re talking!” he cried, and high-fived Branch.

JD, however, was looking a little skeptical. He cocked his head to the side, and tapped his chin thoughtfully. “Hmmm… maybe we should’ve gone with the glitter diaper instead…” he said to the others.

Branch’s eyes grew huge at that. “You had a glitter diaper designed?!” he exclaimed. Then he shook his head adamantly. “Aw, no. No, no, no, no, NO. N-O. Absolutely not, you are NOT making me go out there wearing that!” He had already suffered an embarrassing performance wearing a diaper that was far too small for him when they were singing to try and save Floyd. He would NOT undergo that again!

John Dory laughed, along with the rest of the brothers.

“Bro, we’re playing with you,” Clay said, still giggling, “you’re not gonna do that, come on!”

Branch let out a sigh of relief. “Oh… thank goodness!”

__________________________________________

Meanwhile, it was not that much of a different story happening in the bride’s room.

Poppy had been singing to herself all morning, her mind in bliss, and her body buzzing with joy. Not too long ago, she’d been a mere bridesmaid - but now, she was the bride herself!

And as a bride, there was plenty to do to get herself prepared to look her most magnificent. Luckily, Poppy was in good hands. She had lots of great help in the form of her friends. Satin and Chenille, of course, had been the ones to create her dress as they had for every wedding that occurred in Pop Village. Poppy didn’t know how they managed to do it - each dress was always so unique, it impressed her! The Pop Queen’s variation consisted of a beautiful creamy color, laced and frilled at just the right places, with an elegant silky train that ran far behind her.  

In putting it on, she found that it suited her perfectly, and Poppy had to stop herself from jumping around in happiness so that she wouldn't wrinkle it up. In the present moment, the fashionista twins were helping her apply a few light touches of glittery makeup on her face. Smidge and Legsly were grabbing the jewelry, and at Poppy's hair was her sister Viva, poufing it up and adding colorful extensions.

"EEEEE!" she squealed at the girls. "Poppy is gonna look soooooo FANTAST-AMAZING!!"

"Tell me about it," Satin said, leaning back to check on the eyeshadow application. "Branch is gonna - "

"DIE!" her sister Chenille finished.

Satin looked at her, shocked. "I was gonna say faint, but geez!"

Poppy blushed. "Oh, I mean, I don't know... you really think he'll like it that much? I'm just me..." She shrugged, her cheeks red.

"Uhhh, YEAH we're sure! He'll be over the moon! No - scratch that - he'll be over the galaxy!" Viva exclaimed. "And if you don't believe us, take a look for yourself!" She ushered Poppy over to a standing mirror, and the Pop Queen had to gasp. She really did look stunning, with her deep fuchsia hair piled upon her head in a ponytailed bun of sorts, and the jaw-dropping gown, and her face dolled with just enough makeup to not be over the top but to be soft and appealing. It was a work of art in itself. She glanced over at the girls. How did they do it?

Viva put her hands over her heart. "Oh, Poppy, you're so lucky to have someone who loves you so, SO much!"

Poppy giggled. "Thanks," she said, then looked at her sister slyly, "but don't sell yourself short, either."

Viva paused. "Huh?"

"Don't 'huh' me, you know what I'm talking about," the Pop Queen said, smirking now. "And he just so happens to be my fiance's brother."

"Wh-what? No, uh, Clay? He, um... he's..." Viva stammered, but eventually just gave up, her cheeks growing warm. "He kinda does like me, huh?" she asked, twirling a strand of her golden hair between her fingers.

"Oh, come on, anybody with two eyes can see that," Smidge replied, her voice gruff but a little smile tugging at the corner of her lips. She and Leglsy came over to Poppy and began to put on a couple of adornments on her - including a necklace, some bracelets, and pearl earrings - to finalize the look.

"Aww, Poppy, I think I'm gonna cry!" Legsly said, wiping away a tear.

"Already?" Poppy asked in awe.

"Already," the familiar voice of her friend Bridget answered. The Bergen was just outside the dressing room, due to it being too small for her to fit inside, but she was still able to get a clear view of the bride in all her elegance. "Don't you remember how many times I cried even before my wedding with Grizzy started?" She laughed, and so did the other girls.

"I guess you were a little bit of a mess," Poppy admitted.

"A little? Tell the truth, girl, I was a LOT of a mess," Bridget giggled, "but, I managed to pull through it. And so will you, Poppy." She leaned down and presented her finger, which Poppy came over and high-fived.

The Pop Queen took one last look at herself in the mirror, and let out a breath she’d been holding. This was it. She clutched onto a bouquet of her favorite pink flowers and nodded her head once, resolutely.

"All right," she said, smiling widely. "Let's get this wedding started!"

__________________________________________

It was a dream come true.

Poppy felt like she was floating on air, as though she was having an out-of-body experience. This felt so unreal. But it was real. The fantasy in her mind of what her wedding day would be like had continued to change throughout the years. At first, she’d envisioned just her friends of the Snack Pack being there - Guy Diamond, Smidge, Satin, Chenille, Legally, Biggie, and Cooper. Then she’d envisioned Bridget, Gristle, and the Bergen Town residents also being there. Then the Trolls of the Troll Kingdom. And now, the actual day of it, all of them were there plus her sister and BroZone! Poppy didn’t know how she hadn’t fainted already from the shock of it all!

Branch, awaiting patiently at the altar, had to stop himself from rocking back and forth on his heels. He was incredibly nervous. He felt like he was going to barf. And pass out. And pee his pants all at once. But one quick peek over at Floyd, and he remembered his brother’s words, right before they’d exited the dressing room. They were simple, and straight to the point.

Don’t worry about it. You’re gonna do great. Everybody who came here is only here to support you guys. This is the happiest day of your life. Don’t stress it, and don’t overthink it, okay?

Branch took a deep breath and released it. Okay, he answered in his head.

Finally, the moment had come.

Bells chimed in a melodic fashion, and all the hushed, excited whispering that had arisen in the awaiting audience of Trolls and Bergens went quiet, replaced by silent, beaming smiles.

Tiny Diamond, appropriately re-titled as the Flower Man, once again made his round down the aisle, flinging the petals and pretending that he was on a catwalk with the way he paused to pose a couple of times.

And then came Poppy, arm in arm with her father, Peppy.

Branch’s heartbeat quickened, the palpitation in his chest so intense he swore he could feel it reverberating throughout his entire body. It felt like the moment was lasting forever, with the way that time was crawling to an incredibly slow pace as she was guided down the aisle, sweetly strutting. It gave Branch enough time to remember everything that had happened between them, both good and bad. When they first met. When he’d rejected her invitations and she’d try to become his friend. When they’d gone on their journey to Bergen Town, and had their first real hug. When he’d apologized to her for her for his past behaviors in his gray years. When they’d sang and danced together everyday in Pop Village. When they’d gone on their journey across the Troll Kingdoms during Barb’s World Tour. When they’d argued, and then made up. When he’d confessed his love to her, and she’d confessed right back. When they’d gotten ready for Bridget and Gristle’s wedding. When they’d gone on their wild journey to save Floyd and retrieve the brothers. When he’d proposed to her, and she’d accepted…

Before Branch knew it, Poppy was right in front of him. She hugged her father, who looked between her and Branch with nothing but pride. Peppy then went off to seat himself among the other guests. Unbeknownst to Branch, the same memories were flitting through Poppy's mind, and she could barely contain herself with the smile that spread across her face. It was an infectious one, and he had to smile back at her, his nerves going away.

His gaze was so fixed on the beautiful Pop Queen that he hardly realized that there was anybody else up there at the altar, until he heard a throat clearing. He turned to look, and was surprised to find that Cloud Guy was the officiate!

“You!” Branch exclaimed. “I thought Mr. Dinkles was going to wed us!”

“The little guy’s license expired,” the cloud explained. “But mine’s still good to go!” Cloud Guy flashed the card at him, and Branch rolled his eyes. Well, I guess as long as he can make Poppy my wife, he supposed.

Without further ado, Poppy and Branch faced each other, cheeks warm and eyes bright.

“Friends, from all over the Troll Kingdoms and even beyond it, I think we all know why we’re gathered here today…” Cloud Guy said out loud, “but in case you don’t, we are here to celebrate in a lovely matrimonial event the marriage of my two bestest buds in the whole world. This awesome-sauce girl, Queen Poppy” - he paused, making finger-guns at her and allowing the folks in the audience to cheer - “and this guy, Dumpy Diapers!”

Branch heard a few snickers, and he frowned a little, glaring at Cloud Guy. The cloud stifled a chuckle, but quickly made to correct himself.

“Hehehe, just kidding - this here’s my friend, Branch!” he announced, and then the crowd cheered. “Seriously though,” Cloud Guy said in a whisper, “I think you woulda killed it in the glitter diaper.”

“No way!” Branch grumbled, but then had to chuckle a little bit at the thought of anybody getting married in a diaper.

Noting his good mood, Cloud Guy continued, turning to Poppy first. “Sooo… Do you, Queen Poppy, take Branch to be your lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, until death do you part?” Cloud Guy recited the words quite skillfully at her, surprising Branch. Perhaps Cloud Guy wasn’t such a bad choice as officiate.

Poppy, however, wasn’t as surprised. She had already had full confidence that their friend would be able to help them on their big day. And now that she was asked the question, her breath hitched. Did she want to take Branch as her husband? How was that even a question when she knew in her head that there was only one possible answer that it could be, an answer that she wanted to SCREAM out over and over until she was out of breath and her throat was hoarse, because that’s just how excited she was!

Somehow, she reeled herself in, took a deep breath, and managed to speak calmly.

“I do.”

She smiled, her eyes hooding as the effects of love began to overtake her for the Troll she’d just accepted to be hers.

Branch swallowed when Cloud Guy turned to him with a gleam in his eye. “And do you, Branch, take Poppy to be your lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, until death do you part?”

The question repeated in Branch’s head, the details playing like a movie reel of what this meant and what was to come.

Do you, Branch, take Poppy to be your lawfully wedded wife…

He imagined waking up everyday seeing her gorgeous face, being by her side, telling her how much he loved her, and she telling him how much she loved him…

… to have and to hold…

He imagined having her in his arms, hugging her, kissing her, taking her to heights she didn’t know existed, and him neither for that matter…

… in sickness and in health…

He would be there for her in her lowest points, supporting her, making sure that she had everything she needed and that she was satisfied…

… until death do you part?

The effects of time would come onto them eventually with their aging, but it would never extinguish the love that burned inside of him for her.

“I do.”

Branch smiled at her, and he could tell that there was no longer any trace of that “it would be WEIRD if we got married” feeling left inside of her.

Cloud Guy nodded his head and proceeded. “Well then, by the power that’s invested in me, I now pronounce you to be…”

Everybody leaned forward in their seats, eager, anticipatory, nearly shaking from excitement as they waited for the next words that would come out of the cloud's mouth.

"... HUSBAND AND WIFE!!!"

Poppy felt fireworks explode within her. Branch felt like he could fly. The audience began to clap vigorously in unison. Cloud Guy had barely started to say "You may kiss the bride" (only managing to get "You may k - " out) before Poppy had already leapt at Branch and had her lips locked firmly on his, hands gripping him possessively around the back of his neck. Branch kissed her back, not wasting a second to deepen the connection and pull her impossibly close against him. His arm wrapped around her waist, the other around her back, the two of them smiling and swooning into each other, lost to the world and lost only in each other (they were married for crying out loud!).

Though, the world was still very much around them. And it had been thrown into a frenzy of celebration!

The Snack Pack, the Bergens, Viva, Peppy, Branch's brothers, and all of the guests who'd come from all over the Troll kingdoms brought the noise on with a symphony of claps and whistles and cheers.

"My sister's MARRIED!!!" Viva screamed, bouncing around all over the place.

"My daughter's married!" Peppy shouted next to her, bopping in a celebratory jig.

"Man, Bitty B's all grown up!" John Dory exclaimed with a huge grin. "WOOO!"

"He's a married man now," Spruce cried out, incredibly proud of his brother.

"Congratulations, BRO!" Clay yelled out to Branch, pumping his fists into the air.

Floyd was also incredibly pleased with the turnout, but was expressing it in an entirely different way from his brothers. "I'm SO happy for him," he whimpered, teary-eyed. "I'm just so, so, SO happy!" He broke off, sobbing in an uncontrolled manner. The magenta-haired Troll couldn't help himself. The way he remembered Branch, he was that same little Trolling who had confided in Floyd for reassurance and guidance upon performing, and in other matters when they were young. The same little Trolling who had an endearing baby voice to match his cute face, and sang so adoringly onstage in his diaper and white shades. Branch was no longer little - he had an adult voice, an adult maturity, and was able to do adult things like, as had happened now, get married! It was no wonder the tears had started for Floyd and refused to stop.

Just like Poppy and Branch, who, in a replica of what had happened when he proposed, couldn't stop  with the smooches. Definitely not, not with what had just happened. Not with knowing that they were husband and wife, best friends, and lovers, all rolled into one.

And that they would be together, with their family and friends, forever!

__________________________________________

A/N: I know Branch would also be going through coronation, but I wanted to focus more on the wedding aspect of it. Once again, Happy Broppy Day everyone! 😘

[pink-sparkly-witch]

The Widow - Chapter Three

Chapter Three

Summary: Sam and Y/N are happily married, but everything changes after a fatal car accident leaves her a widow. The Winchester motto: "Family Don't End with Blood," takes on a whole new meaning for Y/N as she navigates her new normal with the help of her brother-in-law, Dean. But what no one can tell her, is what happens when she falls in love again?   

Pairing: Sam Winchester x F!Reader (past) | Dean Winchester x F!Reader (eventual)

Warnings: grief, angst, fluff

Words: 2,450

A/N: I am so sorry for making so many of you cry or get emotional from the last chapter. Although I made myself cry writing it, but I never thought it would have the same impact on the readers *hugs*. This one shouldn’t be so bad 🫣💖

You can catch up here!

My Masterlist     AO3    Ko-Fi

One Month Later

Grief is a funny thing; on the good days, you can function like a normal adult by eating and sleeping quite well. But on the bad days, you stay on the sofa just staring at the wall, wearing pyjamas that – like your hair – haven’t been washed in days, and you can’t remember the last time you ate because everything tastes like ash.

Today though, is a good day. You’ve eaten, showered, done the laundry, and now you’re washing the dishes from the lunch you had with John and Dean. One of those things on its own is a huge achievement, and the fact you did them all feels like it should be worth celebrating, but your sense of accomplishment is whipped away just as quickly as it had appeared.

“Have you thought any more about clearing out Sam’s things?” John speaks softly and carefully, like he’s dealing with a caged animal. But when he’s met with silence from you, he lets out a sigh. “Darlin’, it’s not healthy staying cooped up in the house all day surrounded by his things.”

“Dad…” Dean attempts to shut down the conversation.

“Look,” John continues, ignoring his eldest son’s plea. “I know you’re hurting, believe me, I do. And honestly, it’s gonna be like that for a long time. Maybe even always. I’m just trying to make it easier for you. All these things you’re doing,” John gestures around the open-plan living area of the home you shared with your late husband, “aren’t healthy.”

You don’t need this right now. This is a good day. So, you do what you always do when John brings it up; you walk away.

Dropping the plate back into the soapy water, you quickly dry your hands, pick up the basket filled with clean laundry from the kitchen table, and walk away. You know it’s childish, but his argument is one you don’t want to hear because you know he’s right. You know seeing Sam’s things everywhere doesn’t help. You know wearing clothes that still hold a little bit of his scent will only prolong your grief. And you know that calling his number to hear his voicemail message several times a day isn’t healthy. You’re just not ready to let go yet. And that’s something neither he nor Jody seems to understand.

“Dad, you need to drop this. She’s grieving,” you hear Dean say as you step into the hallway. “Do you want to push her away? Because that’s what’s gonna happen if you don’t leave her be!”

“I’m only trying to help, son,” John sounds defeated, and you pause to listen to what else they have to say about you. “She’s a good girl, Dean, and she’s choosing to waste away by locking herself in this damn house day after day!”

“Sam only died last month! Her husband has only been dead for six weeks,” Dean yells. “He’s barely cold in the ground, just let her grieve!” 

You smile softly at the way Dean always has your back. That’s why the days he comes to check in on you are your favourite. He listens and understands you – or at the very least, pretends to. He gets why you’re still holding on. He gets that it’s not as easy as putting your big girl panties on and getting back on the horse. You lost your husband. The love of your life. You don’t just get up, dust yourself off and walk away from that. And Dean seems to be the only one who understands, which surprises you because John lost Mary when he was around your age and you thought that might make him understand what you’re going through a little more.

You hear John sigh, and from the scratching sound, run his hand over his stubbled face. “I just hate seeing her hurting. In all the time I’ve known her, I’ve never seen her do anything other than smile, and now, I never see that smile. Some days, like today, that hurts more than the loss of my son.”

“I know, dad. I miss her smile too, but she’s going through a process, and she’ll take her own time to do it. What she needs is for us to be supportive and stop pushing her to move on before she’s ready.”

You smile again, grateful beyond words that Dean gets it. Gets you. He’s always been good at reading people and emotions. He knows you better than you know yourself. Better sometimes, than even Sam did.

You’ve heard enough and make your way upstairs to put the laundry away, taking the time to stop, breathe, and reset because today is a good day.

Deciding you’ve hidden away upstairs long enough, you make your way back down to your guests, but stop short when you see John standing at the bottom of the stairs.

“I gotta get going, darlin’. I’m sorry if I upset you, it wasn’t my intention. I’m worried about you and trying to help.” he steps towards you and places a kiss on your forehead.

“I know,” you smile softly. “And I appreciate it… Sometimes.” You smirk, and John chuckles.

“I’ll see you in a few days, alright? I’ve been putting this hunting trip with Bobby off for a couple of weeks and I’ve run out of excuses!” he chuckles again.

“It’ll do you good to get away. You work too hard, and you’ve been taking care of me too, you deserve a break.” John’s been getting the family business ready for Dean to take over for the past few weeks, and you have the suspicion he isn’t quite as ready for retirement from Winchester Auto Repair as he says he is.

“Alright, I’m going. Dean, take care of our girl. Y/N, take care of Dean,” he jokes, and you let out a bleat of laughter, the sound now so foreign to the men in your hallway that they grin like little kids on Christmas morning. With a hug and another kiss on your forehead, John heads out.

“I’m sorry about dad, sweetheart. When mom passed, he didn’t have a choice and had to keep going because of me and Sammy, you know? I think he thinks everyone should be able to do the same.”

“I get it, I really do. But I don’t have anything to fight for, and I feel like I’m barely treading water most days,” you chuckle sadly. “Jody says the same kinda things, you know?” You glance up at Dean and see he’s got his whole attention on you.

“Her latest is: ‘Honey, when are you gonna stop wearing his clothes? Surrounding yourself in his scent constantly is tricking your brain into thinking he’s coming home…’” You mimic Jody’s voice perfectly, albeit a little whinier than she really is, causing Dean to chuckle. “I know she’s right… and so is your dad, just don’t tell them I said that!” you point at Dean in warning, and he holds up his hands.

“Your secrets are safe with me, sweetheart. No one needs John Winchester knowing he’s right about anything,” Dean chuckles before asking the question you know is coming. “So, if you know they’re right, what’s holding you back?”

“Because some days it comforts me. Wearing his clothes, smelling him, seeing his stuff exactly where he left it, makes me feel like he’s still here. Like literally here, watching me,” you sweep your arms around you, “and that makes me feel safe and comforted and loved. And I’m not ready to give that up yet.”

“You said some days,” Dean brings up. And of course, he picks up on that.

“What?” You ask, in a bid to delay the inevitable.

“You said, ‘some days it comforts me’. Are there days it doesn’t?” 

“Me wearing his clothes, leaving his stuff around… it’s my choice. But sometimes I catch his scent when I’m not expecting it or find something in a drawer, and it hits me so hard, and I feel like I’m drowning in anger and grief and I–” your voice catches and you stop to take a deep, shaky breath. “Those are the days that kill me. The days I don’t move from the couch or even get out of bed. It’s like if I do these things – even though I know it’s not healthy – it feels better when it’s a choice I have and not forced on me.”

“So, it’s about controlling your grief?” Dean questions and it makes you stand a little straighter and give him your full attention. “They say the last stage of grief is acceptance, right?” He looks at you with a raised brow and you nod your head. “Sweetheart, I think you’re almost there, standing right at the line, but you’re not ready to cross it.”

“What are you, my therapist?” Your attempt at joking falls flat because you know he’s hitting the nail on the head.

“Hey, I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with it. I’m just trying to understand where you’re at and what’s stopping you from getting to the other side.” He stares at you intensely, and you can feel the heat rise from your neck. “Come on, sweetheart, help me out here. I just wanna figure out what’s going on in that pretty head of yours to see if I can help.”

“What if crossing that line means I’m forgetting him?” You mumble meekly.

“Y/N/N–” Dean starts but you cut him off, realising the need to say it out loud.

“If I clear out Sam’s things, get rid of all his clothes, put the photographs away, I’m removing every trace of him from this house. Our house. What if by doing that, and without seeing those reminders of him every day, it makes me forget him?”

“That’s never gonna happen, Y/N. Your relationship with Sam, your love for him and his for you, will always be a part of you,” Dean takes your hand and pulls you with him to the sofa and sits you down. Rather than take the seat next to you, he sits on the coffee table facing you. “I can tell by the look on your face you don’t believe me, so let me ask you a question.”

“Okay.” You’re dubious but agree anyway.

“Who was your first love? And I don’t mean Sam,” Dean states before you can try that argument. “I mean your first, first love. I’m talking like middle school and the first guy you thought you couldn’t live without.”

“Billy Richie.” It comes out of your mouth before your brain fully registers his question.

“What was Billy like?” Dean smirks, and you grin back at him, understanding where he’s going with this.

“He had blond hair, blue eyes, and a really cute smile. Oh! And he wore a leather jacket all the time, whatever the weather,” you giggled. “He sat next to me in Math class, he was always chewing gum and would wink at me every time he sat down.”

“Oh, Billy was a bit of a bad boy, huh?” Dean chuckles.

“Nah, he was a big teddy bear. He just looked the part.” You smile at the memories Billy Richie is stirring up. “He was my date to prom, and my first kiss.”

“And with that smile on your face, sweetheart, I’d say you remember him just as well now as you did fifteen years ago,” Dean holds your gaze, even gently pulling your chin towards him when you try to look away. “My point is that if you can remember bad boy Billy Richie so clearly after fifteen years, you’re gonna remember Sam even clearer in fifteen years because he was your husband.” Dean leans forward, placing a kiss on your forehead.

“I get that you’re not ready to take that final step, and trust me, I have your back against anyone who tries to push you over that hurdle before you’re ready to make the jump. And when you do jump, I’ll be right here with you.” Dean smiles softly as he takes your hands in his. “But I do want you to think about doing one thing for me,” Dean’s voice is kind and gentle, and you know whatever he’s going to say to you is a suggestion rather than an order.

“I would really like you to think about going back to work. Seeing people, getting out of the house and having a distraction for a few hours a day will do you the world of good, sweetheart.” 

Dean stares at you with such intensity and all you can see is how much he cares about you. It’s clear that he thinks this is the best thing for you, and the more you think about it, the more you agree with him.

“You know what? I’ll think on it a little more, but I think you might be right,” your answer is not what Dean expects by the way he looks like he’s just won the lottery.

“Awesome,” Dean declares. “Now we’ve got that out of the way, The Lost Boys is on tonight. Wanna order pizza and watch it?” He grins at you, and you can’t help but smile at how boyish he looks when he does that.

“Dean, it’s Friday. Don’t cancel your plans with whichever girl is your flavour of the week to spend the night in with me,” you tease.

“I, uhm,” he rubs his hand over the back of his neck, “haven’t had those kinda plans since the night Sammy…” he doesn’t finish his sentence. He doesn’t need to. “Even if I did,” he continues, “One: you are much more important than some girl in a bar, and two: I’d much rather spend the night watching movies with you.”

“Dean–”

“I mean it,” he insists. “You’re not a burden or an inconvenience – I know that’s what’s running through your head, don’t even try to argue with me! So, are we watching this damn movie together or are you gonna make me go home and watch it by myself? All alone. On a Friday night.” Dean’s feigned grumpiness makes you laugh.

“Fine! I’ll order the pizza! But I don’t have any beer, so if you want some, you’ll have to go to the store.”

“On it!” Dean stands and leans over to press another kiss on your forehead, something that was second nature to all the Winchester men where you’re concerned, but you aren’t going to complain about the sweet gesture. “You need anything else?” he asks as he picks up his car keys.

“No, all good. Just… please promise me you’ll drive safe,” you beg, worrying at your bottom lip.

“Always, sweetheart. I promise.”

Next Chapter>>

@deans-spinster-witch @muchamusedaboutnothing @kazsrm67 @twinkleinadiamondsky @waters-2567 @leigh70 @waynes-multiverse @jesllianaquilesrolonsworld @chriszgirl92 @stoneyggirl2 @marilynnlew @ilovedean-spn2

[first-only]

Can I say something that might possibly be a 'hot take'?

I really don't like the rise of the whole 'He would not fucking say that' meme (and a lot of its variations). I know it's probably a joke (I'm too autistic to tell how serious people are with it lol.), and I can understand being annoyed when someone writes a character OOC, but OOC-ness is not really that big of a deal. Don't like, don't read, you know

I feel like it's also going to cause a lot of paranoia in fanwork creators, and I don't like that. And I should know, it's caused some paranoia in me (even though I've always been of the opinion that OOC-ness doesn't matter, in fact I celebrate it, just let people have fun. Despite all this, the meme still affects me and makes me worry)

I feel like the only time that OOC-ness can be a problem is when an indivisual/a fandom has a fanon that they like and they don't let anyone disagree with or write differently then that fanon. But I feel like that's not even an issue with OOC-ness, it's an issue with people (usually BNFs) being jerks and trying to get other people to conform to what they want

I don't know, maybe this whole thing is just a communal joke and I'm worrying over nothing. I'm not trying to ruin anyone's fun, have fun with your memes and all that, I just wanted to vent

(This ask is not directed at you FO, I know you're not the type to care about OOC-ness)

hard agreed actually, it's annoying as fuck

i honestly dont think it's that much of a joke to be honest, what with people making posts being all high par Make A Fucking OC and shit like??? who tf are u to tell me what to do lmao. if i want john winchester in a flower dress imma damn well make it, dont give a single fuck how Not Canon Compliant тм it is

thats the fucking point of fandom ya know? literally who cares. this whole thing reeks of the new-wave "it will never be canon so why ship it". like. its fandom material, none of it will be canon, the point is to have fun.

that and that one gross post "theres too much fluff of X" bitch?? i like fluff about X. you dont get to say what everyone creates, you dont have to like all of it. just pick the stuff you like, it isnt difficult.

AND those posts that keep popping up in "proshipper" spaces that go 'i know it's just fiction but guys. content about X chara being Y is /actually/ really bad;///'... it's like people completely forget their fundamental ideology about fiction when their own specific identity happens to be the thing that's bothering them this time. so is content that makes people uncomfortable 'allowed' or not? make up your mind, no doublebacksies. and who tf are you to not allow it in the first place but i guess there's enough people who for some reason get anxious over randos' opinions on the internet to feel bad about it so...

anyway, yeah. personal tastes do not dictate people's politics. this relates to yet another popular discourse lately:)

[fallingintolife]

Happy 44th Birthday Dean Winchester

Request: I got an idea for you. . . If you have the chance, can you tell me about Dean deciding to bake his own birthday pie because he thinks everyone forgot, but before he can get too far everyone his girl invited shows up for his surprise?

Summary: Today's Dean's birthday and you've planned a surprise party for him to show him how much you love him. Except…Dean thinks you forgot about it entirely. Which normally didn't matter but he has some feelings about it…

Pairing: Dean Winchester x reader

Warnings: None, fluff fluff fluff!

Word Count: 918

A/N: @kazsrm67 Thank you so much for giving me this prompt! I really enjoyed writing and I'm so happy that you gave it to me the day before Dean's birthday! Even though I didn't get to post it on his birthday I really enjoyed writing it. 😊 So happy 44th Dean!

"Yeah no I think that's perfect! Thanks Jody for all your help! Okay see you guys in ten minutes!" Joyful, yet quiet whispers filled the air as you and Jody went through the last minute things needed for Dean's birthday surprise in just a few hours. Dean never really celebrated his birthday. You and Sam's though, he would go all out to make sure you both knew how much you meant to him. Unfortunately the last few years that you had been in the picture there was always some new 'big bad' that you had all to deal with, so you and Sam weren't able to celebrate him the way you both wanted too.

You'd known the boys for the last three years but had only been dating Dean for the last two. You and Dean had clicked immediately. You liked the flirtatious banner you both would do back and forth and how he didn't underestimate your hunting abilities. Dean was the most selfless but also most self deprecating person you had met, which never made sense to you. How could he not understand his worth and how many people he continued to save by giving up his own life to hunt down monsters and demons so they couldn't destroy others?

Today though, you and Sam had planned a surprise party for Dean's birthday to show him, not only how important he was to not just you but so many others and how much you loved him. Sam had been able to keep me out of the Bunker for most of the day running errands.

Pulling out the freshly baked, homemade apple pie, you began to carefully poke the candles into it when you heard the boys' voices. Very quickly, you grabbed the pie and high tailed it out of the kitchen.

"Dude if I have to hear you talk about any more weird history facts I might strangle you." Dean threw his hand up at Sam, throwing the grocery bags on the counter. Sam put his hands up in surrender, also letting out a sigh of relief that you weren't in here. He had tried, really tried to keep Dean out of the Bunker but there was only so much he could do without seeming suspicious. Looking at the clock on the wall he knew everyone would be here any minute…

"Okay, okay I get it. You know, maybe we should go to the shooting range-" Dean threw his hands up in the air.

"Nope, no, not doing it. I'm gonna make me a pie and then sit in the Dean cave and watch me a western. If you want to go to the range that's fine, but I have a date with pie and John Wayne." Dean pulled out the frozen pie from the grocery bag.

"But-"

"You know what, where's Y/N? I haven't seen them all day. You should look for them." Dean, without skipping a beat, turned on the boombox with of course, a classic rock CD, that he kept in the kitchen for times like these, to drown out Sam and annoy him enough, causing him to leave. Like always, it worked like a charm. After a "Yeah real mature Dean.", Dean got to work on his frozen pie.

Dean was actually wondering what you had been up to all day. He was kind of surprised when he and Sam came back to not see the Bunker all decked out in 'Happy Birthday ' decorations. Neither you, nor Sam had really said much about his birthday, which wasn't a problem. Dean normally preferred it that way…but it was bothering him for some reason. Dean just shook his head. It didn't really matter. Just as he was about to pop the frozen pie into the oven he heard Jody.

"Now I know you are not about to make yourself a frozen pie after Y/N slaved all day over one just for your birthday Dean Winchester." Dean turned to see not just Jody, but Donna, Claire, Cas in tow all holding birthday presents. He just stared at them in confusion.

"Uh…surprise?" Laughing nervously you slowly walked into the kitchen with Dean's homemade apple birthday pie, forty-four lit birthday candles placed methodically on it. The grin that lit up Dean's face was the best present you could have asked for. You hadn't seen him smile like that in years. Before anyone could sing he blew out the candles, which of course earned him a smack on the arm from you. He quickly took the pie from your hands to cut, giving you one of the best kisses you had ever had, and pulled you into a hug when he whispered, "Thank you sweetheart." And then went to cut his pie.

Dean wasn't someone who showed a lot of emotion, he always insisted "no chick flick moments" but after Dean had given you that hug and pulled away you could have sworn you had seen him wipe a few tears from his eyes. You wouldn't call him out on it of course.

Afterwards, you all sat in the Dean Cave, (which was, indeed, decorated to the nines in 'Happy Birthday' decorations) and enjoyed your pie. Dean opened his presents after and that whole night that grin that you hadn't seen more than twice since you had known him, stayed on his face the entire night.

Dean Winchester felt like the luckiest man in the world. He had his family, his girl, and pie. Best birthday ever.

[sundry-whovengerslocked]

"love the art, hate the artist"

okay y'all. y'all. so like, I say this regularly. I made it up. but I think it should be used by everyone.

like, this is a hot take, but it's okay to enjoy something made by a shitty person.

this isn't to say boycotting and cancel culture should be stopped! like, if someone is a shitty person, they should not be paid to be able to continue to be shitty. so yeah, go ahead and pirate shit. wait until media is free and enjoy it then.

but like, I feel like people go so hard when it comes to shitty people that they're essentially killing the arts, and the people who find peace with them. it's just not fair.

examples under the cut

I mean the first and most obvious example would be j.k. rowling. there's SO MUCH discourse surrounding her. but there shouldn't need to be. she's an awful person and a transphobe, and she should be avoided and boycotted. she doesn't deserve any more money. that being said, we can support things in the franchise she's not a part of. we should support fanart and fanfiction involving these beloved characters. we should encourage trans headcanons and embrace the fact that a lot of what makes the Harry Potter universe so great is the fans, not her.

another one is Michael Jackson. he was a pervert and shouldn't be celebrated the way he was and still is. that being said, he made music inspired by black culture and in turn inspired new types of music. so his music, things like the moonwalk, they should be appreciated.

John Barrowman is another good one. he was inappropriate and people have every right to blacklist him. but Jack Harkness? Jack Harkness is a PHENOMENAL character. he stands for omni rep, embracing queerness, and is a well constructed character that parallels and bounces off The Doctor beautifully. and? he can easily be recast. it's literally sci-fi dude, it's not that big a deal. yes Barrowman made a huge impact on the character, but he's not all he is. the writers contributed, too.

Jonathan Majors is a hot topic right now. yes, he should absolutely be blacklisted and removed from the mcu. but that doesn't meant they have to get rid of Kang. he was going to be (and still can be) a widely used character - characters, really - within the marvel universe. they can just recast him. they did it with Bruce Banner, they did it with Rhodey, two major characters in the mcu. they've done it with more I can't think of at the moment. and again, it's technically sci-fi. not to mention that with No Way Home and the Loki variants, they clearly showed that the same character can have different faces/actors.

notable mention: Tom Cruise. Knight and Day was awesome.

so yeah. hate the artist, love the art. it's really not as big a deal as people make it out to be.

[archivalofsins]

Considering the day, I'm going to talk about how I perceive Mikoto and Mikoto (John's) dynamic. Because I was looking for an excuse to.

With Mikoto (John) I imagine him to be the less forward of the two.

Given how he's been depicted in canon. Plus, how much more standoffish and guarded Mikoto got after the first verdict. Despite being less sociable, he wasn't really going around causing a fuss or issues for everyone. He just wasn't as sociable.

The cast complains about this change in demeanor mostly due to the fact that before then, Mikoto was noticeably way more sociable and easier to approach. Talking to various other prisoners and having cordial relationships with most of them except for Kotoko. However, that's due to Kotoko's demeanor not his.

After the verdict, when Mikoto (John) is stated to be the one out the most (during the intermission). He becomes more closed off, less talkative, and difficult for others to approach.

I and most people speculated that this is because he got violent or aggressive.

Yet the only person anyone states he attacks during the intermission is Kotoko. Even Kotoko states such in her voice drama, claiming he attacked her in the middle of her handing out punishments.

Basically just when she was attacking Mahiru.

So outside of that instance, Mikoto wasn't doing anything. He doesn't even have timelines alluding to him doing anything. He was kind of just not engaging with others as much as he usually would. Hence, Shidou saying since he became like that in his trial two written interrogation.

Mikoto implies he picked up smoking to socialize with others in this timeline,

20/06/20

Mikoto: ……oh, so you are here after all. Shidou-san, are you free? Let’s chat~

Shidou: ! Ah, just give me a moment…… Um…… I don’t mind talking, but you didn’t need to come over while I was smoking. Are you sure it isn’t too smoky for you? You’re not a smoker, right, Kayano-kun?

Mikoto: Ah, you don’t need to put it out! That’d be such a waste! I smoke too occasionally. Though just vape. Like, the smoking room is a really good spot for communication, right? So I thought now might be a good opportunity to talk with you. Not like I have anything else to do. By the way, I’ve been wondering for a while, but do you always wear those gloves?

Shidou: I don’t…… How to put it…… I suppose…… since I have my hands covered all the time, then when I take them off, it feels as though the feeling in my fingertips is even greater…… I know it’s probably all in my head…… but that’s how it feels.

However, the only time we see smoking in MeMe and Double is when Mikoto is off on his own. Plus, we've yet to see him vape at all in either of his videos despite him saying that's predominantly what he does. As well as the vape pen being shown in his after crime anniversary image. So more than likely, by "like that," Shidou meant standoffishly monopolizing the smoking area, bringing down the atmosphere with his change in attitude resulting in making smoking awkward for Shidou.

The prisoners in the timeline don't complain about Mikoto's loud outbursts at night either despite them being noted in his description and joked about through the minigrams. However, since it's noted in his character description as something all the characters know about since Milgram started Mikoto being loud or getting violent in his cell on his own or at all would not surprise them. It'd be something that would be common place by the end of trial two.

Know what wouldn't be, though?

Him being quiet and the first allusion to that is here,

21/10/06 (Mikoto’s Birthday)

Mikoto: ……ah, Futa? What’s up? Did you come to celebrate my birthday?

Futa: Hah!? Like I care about your birthday. ……what’s up with you, though, you’re usually a lot more excited. I thought you were the sort of idiot who’d make a big deal over your birthday.

Mikoto: Yeah, usually that’d be the case. ……I think I must be getting tired. It’s like I’m anxious over something, but I can’t really explain what it is…… Like, the feeling that I’ve been totally wrong about something. Haha, but it’s not like talking to you about it is gonna do anything.

Futa: Yeah, yeah, just like you say. Talking to me about it isn’t gonna help. ……but, it’s not like I don’t get what you’re saying. Or rather, I understand exactly what you mean. And if it’s the same thing as I’ve been feeling, then it will just get stronger as time goes on…… probably. But anyway, rather than talking to someone like me you should go and bother the others. Go and get showered with their stupid birthday wishes.

So I'd always imagined Mikoto (John) to be the less social of the two. There's also the implication when it comes to smiling here,

20/07/08

Yuno: Hey, Mikoto-san. Don’t you get tired being so conscious of others all the time? I mean, you’re free to do what you want, though.

Mikoto: Eh…… Aha, what are you talking about? I’m not being conscious or anything. It’s normal to make sure to get along with everyone, right? I mean, when you put it like that, aren’t you the same, Yun-chan? You’re always smiling and getting on with everyone, too.

Yuno: I don’t smile unless I actually want to. But with you, when you’re talking with other people it’s more like you only smile deliberately. So I kept thinking, don’t your cheeks get tired? Ah, is this just what happens when you become a working adult? ……you see people like that sometimes.

Mikoto: Haha, you don’t mince your words, do you. …….that was never my intention, but now that you mention it, yeah, I guess I do. This might’ve been since I started my job too…… But like, if I was rude to everyone I met, all my efforts would come to nothing, right?

This implies that Mikoto is smiling deliberately to make socializing with others easier. So when Mikoto (John) is out, he may smile less and have a more neutral expression that could lean towards being interpreted as disinterested, irritated, dazed, or tired.

The main type of expression work that's shown throughout Double.

This may also be why, in Double, we don't see the faces or other people. They're just represented as blank puppets. Since Mikoto (John) isn't one for socializing he may not pay that much attention to the features of those around them, and that visual choice could have been made to display that. This also ties into him saying he didn't know the person he killed as well. Because honestly, why would he at that point?

In MeMe, the person attacked has a good few more identifying traits than the ones attacked in Double. As we see one of the victims' hair color and clothing as he's getting attacked.

In contrast to everyone being represented as featureless puppets and most stating Mikoto has been difficult to approach and scary later. I want to specifically focus on Haruka stating he was a bit scared of Mikoto, and that's why he was avoiding him,

22/10/06 (Mikoto’s Birthday)

Haruka: Mikoto-san. Um, are you ok……?

Mikoto: Ah, Haru-kun. It’s been a while since we last talked, huh. Yeah, I’m fine. Are you doing ok……?

Haruka: Ah, I’m fine. I’ve been enjoying myself, a lot. Um, I’m sorry, for avoiding you. I was a bit scared. Of you, honestly……

Mikoto: Ahhh, yeah. I’ve been lashing out whenever I go to sleep, right? ……it’s fine. Even I think you’re right to be scared. You know, I kinda just hate that I don’t even know what’s going on myself…… haha. Ah, but despite all that you still came and talked to me because it’s my birthday, right? Thank you, you’ve grown into a good man.

I want to focus on that scared and avoiding you part since we know Haruka engaged with Kotoko the exact same way for the same reason. Because he found her standoffish and neutral expression scary and Mu did as well. It wouldn't be surprising if this was a case of the same mannerisms garnering the same response. Especially given how Haruka would have grown used to Mikoto valuing/viewing communication as important as well as him being more personable and helpful when it came to talking,

20/06/05

Haruka: Ah…… ah, u-um, Mikoto-san. The c-communication……? thing, that you were saying was important. I-I thought, I’d give it my best…… Um, so, Mikoto-san, what’s your favourite food……?

Mikoto: Ooh? Nice going, Haru-kun~ Yeah, we still have no idea how long this lifestyle will go on for, so it’s best if we all get along together here. My favourite food…… I like pasta and horse-meat sashimi. Also bubble tea, and recently I’ve been big on custard puddings. What about you?

Haruka: ……ah, I, I wonder…… H-hamburg steak, and omurice, a-and also…… what else? Ah. Cotton candy……

Mikoto: C-cotton candy!? That’s the first time I’ve met someone who has that in their top three favourites!? ……man, Haru-kun, you really are hilarious.

Just for him to suddenly change his entire demeanor when it comes to talking with others and have no interest in doing it all. Very similar to how Kotoko was trial one would be jarring and scary for Haruka. A person who doesn't like that sort of change and would feel on some level responsible and confused by it.

Hence, the apology for avoiding him.

So I think what most explained through the idea of Mikoto (John) being volatile or aggressive was literally him just not wanting to talk to anyone here. Similarly to how Amane's behavior changed from her verdict. She became more closed off and focused on her religious practices.

Outside of that, Mikoto is consistently shown to do most things related to communication and coordination. As well as being stated to view and discuss the importance of communication throughout the portal timeline. He also states he travels by bike to work, which takes a fair bit of balance and coordination, but we only see Mikoto (John) travel by train in Double.

We've yet to see this bike, either.

Plus, Mikoto is able to neatly tie his shoes while Mikoto (John) is shown to have difficulty with that even in the trial two character art. As well as being shown in Double wearing boots without laces.

Despite in MeMe Mikoto predominantly wearing shoes with laces,

I talk about those other things a lot, though.

Right now, I just wanted to talk about how I viewed Mikoto (John) when it came to socializing more based on the information we have from trial two.

So, that's it.

[simsandchesscrossover]

More in-depth descriptions of the kids for my kidswap below the cut!

NOTES ON CHANGES (KIDS)

At the start of the story, JOHN has recently been abandoned by his brother, who has given up on training him to save the world. He now resides in a foster care facility. In the first act, he has a rather violent breakdown as a result, and decides to express any and every emotion he pleases. This results in a unique typing style where he often forgets to add punctuation and emoticons to his texts and adds them on later.

Contrary to Rose’s passive-agressive battles with her mother, JADE is frequntly and plainly aggressive. She lives in the woods outside her house and refuses to go inside unless pre-planned and mutually agreed upon- as she puts it, she and her mother have their own territories, and their relationship relies on them staying out of each other’s way. This mindset means that she is exceptionally frustrated when her mother is sober and tries to convince her to come back, saying that “children aren’t supposed to live out in the woods” and “it’s dangerous”. Can’t she see Jade is being the bigger person here?

On the subject of ROSE, she is both more secure and far more paranoid. Actually interacting with other children, the majority of whom found her pretentious and strange, has made her overly defensive, and she has taken refuge in what she views as her areas of superiority. Given her father’s more balanced approach to parenting, she doesn’t believe everything he does is an attack, but when she encounters something odd enough that it seems like one, she spirals.

DAVE deals with his enviroment perhaps the worst out of any of the children. He doesn’t cope well with what he phrases as “living on this bumfuck island with my grandpa until he shot himself because taking care of me was just that bad i guess”. On top of that, he’s constantly hounded (ha!) by a dog-like creature that he used to think was the one that killed his grandfather. Now, he isn’t sure if it’s even real or some sort of grief-induced hallucination. This has made him exceptionally anxious, and although he tries to hide it, his very limited social skills aren’t up to the task.

The Alpha session is a bit more complicated. JANE was raised on a series of recordings from her brother, all intended for a boy named Dirk. Given that she was entirely alone, she had no reason to think that that wasn’t her. Rose gets a vision of the changes to the timeline just in time to send out one final message explaining the truth. A key component of Jane’s worldview is that she deeply resents Dave for that and not being there, and is completely aware that it’s irrational. Conciously or not, she rebels against his post-ironic movie star lifestyle by leaning into suburbia. She sews dapper suits out of t-shirts and practices comedy. Once she discovers that she is not, in fact, Dirk, her idea of mild-mannered perfection shifts slightly. It’s undeniable that this house wasn’t made for her, but some aspect of being a “cool dude” still calls to her more than her new matronly ways… (it’s the transgender)

JAKE CROCKER is the heir to the Crocker corporation, and he’s also a media darling. Despite his father’s attempts to keep him out of the public eye (mainly due to the assassination attempts), the PR department has taken their chance, and his celebrity status is sure to make the population of Earth unwilling to resist their new Empress. Besides, Jake’s got his crackshot aim, a dashing smile, and two-inch-thick bulletproof windows, through which he can wave to his adoring populace before going about his business. What could go wrong?

ROXY spends her days chatting online and experimenting in her grandmother’s laboratory. She may be the only human left on her island, but she’s far from the only creature! Her beloved Gcat is always by her side, at least when he’s hungry. The rest of the island’s animals are wild, but the ones she makes love her. They barely try to eat her even a quarter of the time. But mostly, she wants to figure out a way to get off the island- just for a quick vacay!- and explore the world, meeting all the people and seeing all the sights.

Roxy-DIRK-Lalonde-Strider- whatever his name is now, it doesn’t matter- is wrong. There was some great cosmic error, and he came to this city of carapacians instead of a single apartment in the middle of the sea. He’s always known he didn’t belong here, but he assumed it was just some innate, destructive quality of his. Ever since the day he killed his own pet cat (in an unfortunate robotics accident), he’s known he was a monster. He’s done his best to counteract that, helping the carapacians in any way he could, but it isn’t enough. Everything in this home reminds him of his mistakes, and he makes no effort to change that.

[senashenta]

Horror High: Chapter Four

Title: Horror High

Pairing: Destiel

Rating: Explicit (in future chapters)

Warnings: Sex, Violence

Summary: John Winchester plants his eldest son at Caspar High in Jacksonville because weird things have been happening there: people disappearing. People reappearing only dead and drained of all their bodily fluids. Cocoons. It’s up to Dean to figure out what’s stalking Caspar’s halls and deal with it accordingly; but then he meets the New Kid—newer than him, even, the New-New Kid—Castiel Novak, and all his plans get severely derailed. Now Dean has to juggle the supernatural case—a really hungry jorogumo—and also the fact that he’s very quickly falling in love, something that is absolutely forbidden by his dad.

Meanwhile Castiel, shoved into the third new school in a year because his adoptive father—Chuck Shurley’s—job has them moving around a lot, struggles to fit in at Caspar High, not only because he’s the New Kid but because he’s the weird New Kid. Dean seems like a saving grace, a harbor in a storm, someone who doesn’t judge him—that is until Cas finds out about Dean’s night job. Cas’s life just got a whole lot stranger—but that doesn’t stop him from falling for Dean, regardless.

Notes: Just. So much fluff. ALL THE FLUFF. Not that anyone is reading this, but whatever. Can also be read HERE ON AO3. New chapter next Friday! :)

HORROR HIGH TUMBLR MASTER POST HERE.

HORROR HIGH Chapter Four By Senashenta

[Dean’s birthday is soon. I just thought you should know.]

Cas wasn’t entirely sure what to make of the text he received from Sam on Friday night after school. He let it sit for a bit while he tidied his room and pondered it. He knew Dean’s birthday was in January, but he didn’t know what day, and he wasn’t sure why Sam was… telling him this.

He was halfway through actually making his bed (for once) when he made a soft frustrated noise and tossed the blankets down, heading over to pick up his phone again:

[What day?]

But Sam wasn’t going to answer that particular question. When he replied a few minutes later it was with:

[He wouldn’t want me to tell you. He doesn’t like to talk about his birthday. But you of all people should know it’s coming up, right?]

Cas frowned:

[He told me before that it’s this month.]

Sam seemed surprised by that:

[Really? He never tells anybody. I knew you two are close, but…]

Cas paused, considering, and chewed on his lip as he typed out his reply:

[Sam, do you think I could get him something? A birthday gift?]

There was a long, long pause between that and Sam’s next response:

[I don’t know. He could get mad. But you wouldn’t know unless you try.]

That was… foreboding. Cas didn’t want to do anything to make Dean angry. But he also didn’t want to ignore his boyfriend’s birthday, that seemed like an important thing. He frowned to himself again, fingers tapping at the side of his phone restlessly as he considered his options. Then:

[I think I might give it a shot.]

Sam’s reply was quick this time:

[It’s your funeral.]

Cas hummed over that:

[I’ll chance it. Thanks, Sam.]

Setting his phone on his desk, he dropped down into the chair with a huff. This was… well. Not really a conundrum. Cas knew he wanted to do something for Dean for his birthday, even though the older boy apparently didn’t celebrate it and he didn’t even know what actual day it was.

Not a party, obviously. That would be way too over-the-top, and besides which who would he invite? Maybe just something with the two of them? That might work. They could just spend a day together and he would wish Dean a Happy Birthday at the end of it. Or something else…

Blue eyes skimmed around the room as he thought before landing on Charlie’s business card that was pinned to the bulletin board above his desk and oh. That was an idea. Cas turned in his seat and opened his laptop, quickly pulling up Charlie’s Etsy store and beginning to click through it, browsing idly.

Yeah.

That was definitely an idea.

-- --

“You want to commission something?”

This was Monday, after a weekend of hanging out with the Winchesters, watching movies, doing research, and plotting privately to himself, and Charlie was blinking at him in surprise while Cas just stared back at her and nodded earnestly. “Yes.”

“Well… what do you want to commission?” Charlie asked with a tilt of her head.

“A bracelet. Or, I mean, a leather cuff.” Cas explained, then added in a softer tone, “it’s for Dean’s birthday.”

“Aw. You two are adorable.” Charlie gave him a little smile and propped her elbow on his desk, resting her chin in her hand. She regarded him almost fondly. “You want a cuff, like one of the ones I braid? I don’t really do a lot of leather work. Have you looked at my site?”

Cas nodded again. “Mn, I looked at your site. You make really nice products. And I was looking at the section with the braided leather bracelets and cuffs—you know, the ones for guys—and I just thought…” Trailing off, he glanced down, then back up again before asking, “does it sound like a stupid idea?”

“You’re asking the wrong person, Cas, I’m making money out of the deal.” Charlie pointed out. After that, though, she smiled again and added, “but no, it doesn’t sound like a stupid idea at all.”

“I don’t even really know what I want, I… can you just use your best judgement and make something? I’ll pay for whatever.”

“Oooh boy, you’re playing with fire, there, Cas.” Jody piped up. “Just giving her free reign like that.”

“Charlie doesn’t have ‘best judgement’.” Garth added with a snicker.

“I do too!” Charlie protested with a pout. She glared at Jody, then at Garth, before returning her attention to Cas. “I can make something nice for him, Cas.” She assured him, “I’ll make a braided leather cuff, just for him. With silver snap fasteners. What color do you think he’d like?”

“Black, I think, if you can.” Cas smiled, expression fond, “or dark brown.”

Charlie reached with her free hand to poke his cheek, the gesture affectionate. “Consider it done!”

-- --

At lunch that day, Cas didn’t say anything about Dean’s birthday or planning a gift for him, he just sat with his boyfriend and enjoyed his company, the same as always, although feeling mildly nervous because of all the plotting. He privately hoped Sam would be wrong about Dean’s reaction to everything.

“So, I was thinking,” He said as he handed Dean his lunch, “if you think Sam will be okay, do you want to come over after school today?”

Dean had started unwrapping his sandwich but paused to give Cas a surprised look. “Like just to hang out, or…?”

Cas had to smile at that, chuckling softly. “Just to hang out.”

“What about your Dad?” Dean wondered aloud. He continued unwrapping his lunch and took a bite, expression curious.

“Father knows you’re my friend, now, and he likes you.” Cas shrugged, working at opening his own sandwich and starting to eat. After a minute and a couple of bites, he swallowed and continued, “he won’t question you coming over to hang out.”

“Are you sure?” Dean hedged, “I mean not that I don’t want to, but…”

But Cas just nodded, continuing to eat. “I’m sure. You’re being paranoid.”

“It comes with the Hunter territory.” Dean replied dryly.

Well… yeah. Okay. Cas supposed that was probably fair. He held out the fruit cup he always brought for Dean to take, and smiled when his boyfriend plucked it from his fingers with a thanks mumbled around a mouthful of sandwich. “I promise it’ll be fine. I just want to spend time with you, that’s all.” Then, after a brief pause, “I always want to spend time with you, you know?”

Dean paused halfway to a bite, hesitated, then admitted softly, “yeah, me too.”

That made Cas smile, just soft and fond, and he glanced at Dean out of the corner of his eye before shifting sideways to lean into the other boy a little. He didn’t say anything more, at least for the moment, just went back to eating, and they existed quietly like that for a while.

It was actually a little bit funny, the way things under the bleachers could be so radically different day by day. Some days, like this one, they just sat together and enjoyed each other’s company. Others they talked and laughed about nothing in particular—or Cas asked endless questions about life on the road, about monsters and Hunting. Still others they made out, deep and warm and wanting.

And Cas couldn’t pick a favorite kind of day. He rather liked them all, personally.

But today was good. Pleasant and warm. Especially when Dean finished off his lunch and then casually tossed an arm around Cas’s shoulders. Cas smiled to himself as he finished his own sandwich.

“Anyway, I can give you a tour of the house, and then we can hang out in my bedroom.” Cas looked up at Dean, still smiling. “It’s a nice house.”

“Is it a nice bedroom?” Dean teased.

“I like it.” Cas replied, rolling his eyes. “I’m sure you will, too.”

“I’m sure I will.” The older teen grinned.

Cas elbowed him lightly. “Terrible.” He accused fondly.

-- --

They met up after school the same as always, exchanging a few little kisses before heading off down the street toward Cas’s house. When they got there, Cas had to unlock the door to let them in, which meant his father was out, but that was fine with him. It gave them more privacy.

Shoes off in the entryway, of course, and a cursory tour of the house, and then they headed up to Cas’s bedroom, Cas leading the way and ushering Dean inside. Then he crossed over to dump his backpack by his desk—and turned to watch Dean inspect the room.

Cas’s bedroom was sparsely decorated, not that that fact was surprising to Dean. There was a wardrobe directly to the left of the door. His desk was on the righthand wall and had his laptop, a couple of notebooks and a mug full of pens and pencils, along with several spools of thread, a package of needles and a couple of patches he obviously hadn’t gotten around to sewing to his backpack yet. The bulletin board above the desk had various notes pinned to it, along with a leaflet with dates and locations for his father’s upcoming seminars. Nothing mind-blowing.

The door beside his desk led to, he was told, a small bathroom, so Cas didn’t have to share with his father, which sounded really nice. (Dean would kill not to have to share a bathroom with his dad and Sam all the time.)

Cas’s bookshelves, on the other side of the desk, were very interesting, containing books about religions from all corners of the world, as well as books about folklore, mythology and an entire section of new age, along with medical and psychological textbooks on various subjects. And then, inexplicably, near the bottom, almost an entire shelf of Neil Gaiman books. Dean snorted. “Why Neil Gaiman?”

Cas shrugged. “I feel like he understands me.”

Dean just looked at him searchingly for a moment before going back to his inspection. Cas had a couple of little trinkets on his shelves as well, religious wards or good luck symbols from varying sources, all of which Dean obviously recognized. One little soapstone carved seal—the animal—which Dean found curious but didn’t ask about in the moment. (Later he found out that Cas had taken an online quiz to find out what his Inuit totem animal would be and had come up with the seal, so had bought the little guy when he’d come across it a while later.)

Along the opposite wall was a stand holding a probably fifty-gallon aquarium full of goldfish in every imaginable color pattern. Beside that was a nondescript dresser with a clearly disused TV on top of it, next to a small terrarium that contained—well. When Dean looked inside, he saw nothing. “Cas?”

“That’s Itsy.”

“Itsy?”

“Tarantula.”

“Cool.” Dean grinned.

The bed—a respectable queen size—was pushed up so that the headboard was right against the large picture window at the end of the room. About ten off-white, opaline stones the size of a golf ball but in gnarled shapes and wrapped in twine were strung up around the window—and a large multicolor dreamcatcher hung dead center in the middle of them.

Dean considered all this for a moment, then just shrugged and flopped onto his back on the (unmade, why was he not surprised?) bed. When Cas wandered over to sit on the edge of the bed beside him, he reached up and grabbed at the other boy, dragging him down too, and they shuffled around until they were both comfortable with Cas tucked into his side and Dean’s arm flung around him, holding him close.

Green eyes stared up at the ceiling, which was absolutely covered in glow-in-the-dark stars, an entire starfield inside one little bedroom. A little smile quirked at Dean’s lips. Then his gaze shifted to the twine-wrapped stones dangling above them.

“So, what’s with the chalcedony?”

Cas hummed, his head on Dean’s shoulder and fingers tracing abstract patterns on his chest. “Trying to keep the nightmares away.”

“I know what it’s for.” Dean clarified. The arm tucked around Cas shifted so he could rub at the back of the younger’s neck; “what kind of nightmares?”

Cas hesitated, his fingers pausing and his hand smoothing over Dean’s chest absently, then blew out a breath and turned his head to bury his face in Dean’s shirt. “It probably sounds stupid, makes no sense. It’s like flashes from another universe, another life,” his voice came out muffled, “but… I’m a soldier, in some never-ending celestial war, just fighting, following orders, for my whole existence. Or… I’m being made to kill the same man, over and over again, and I can’t see his face, but I know I know him, and I know I care about him, and I know I don’t want to kill him, but someone is forcing me anyway, against my will. Or I’m strapped to a chair and being experimented on, there are drills and other tools and my eyes are bleeding… or…” Trailing off, he swallowed slightly and managed; “I’m saying goodbye to the one I love. A final goodbye. I’m going away to somewhere dark and never coming back, and I’m never going to see them again, and I’m telling them how much I love them, maybe for the first time ever, but also for the last time ever, and—”

“Hey, hey…” Shaking his head, Dean tightened his hold on Cas and continued rubbing at his neck and shoulders while he took a few breaths; “Cas I… I am so sorry. That all sounds terrible, I… but they’re just dreams, right?”

Cas scoffed softly and re-adjusted so he was resting against Dean properly again. He was quiet while he collected himself and his hand picked up where it had left off, fingers tracing absently against Dean’s chest. “You don’t believe that. You’re a Hunter. You know better.”

He had a point.

“Anyway,” Cas continued, closing his eyes, “I bought a dreamcatcher, and did some research, and chalcedony is considered by the ancients, the Celts, to foster balance and healing, to protect against bad dreams and encourage positive ones. Or that’s the theory, anyway.”

“It doesn’t work for you?”

“Not really. I still have the nightmares almost every night. Have as long as I can remember.”

“I have nightmares, too.” Dean offered softly, “about Hunts I’ve been on, and monsters I’ve faced. Of Sam or Dad getting hurt. Or of fire. I dream about fire a lot.” He shifted, considering for a moment that it was the first time he’d talked about this sort of thing with anyone, before continuing; “I could never tell Sam or Dad that, they’d think I was weak. But sometimes it all just gets to me, you know?”

“You’re human, Dean, with the things you’ve seen… a few nightmares are to be expected.” Making a quiet noise in his throat, Cas pulled away, pushing up and getting onto his knees, then stretching to pull one of his chalcedony stones down. He held it for Dean to take. “Here. Maybe it’ll work better for you than it does for me.”

Dean just looked at him for a moment, clearly astonished, then took the stone and stuffed it in his pocket before grabbing at Cas and tumbling him back down into the bed. He followed that by rolling over until he was on top of the other boy. When Cas blinked up at him, bewildered, Dean just leaned down to kiss him, enjoying the moment, the emotional closeness, the softness of the covers around them—rather than the shitty motel linens he was used to—and the feel of Cas under him.

“I could get used to this,” he murmured a moment later when they broke apart for air. “I feel… spoiled. Around you, Cas. Happy. Cared for.”

“Because I care for you.” Cas responded logically with a little tilt of his head.

Dean smiled and ducked to kiss him again. “I just keep waiting for the rug to be pulled out from under me, because something this good can’t last forever. Not for me.”

“Mm-mm.” A quiet, disapproving hum and Cas lifted one hand to stroke through Dean’s hair, toying with the soft strands gently. Dean leaned into his touch. “I’m sure there are Hunters who have good lives, too. Haven’t you ever felt cared for before? Your Dad? Sam?”

Green eyes closed over, and Dean slowly lowered himself down to rest half-overtop of Cas, then ducked his head to bury his face in the other boy’s neck, “Dad cares in his own way, but he doesn’t like to show it. And Sam’s just a kid…” He trailed off for a moment then, hesitating before continuing to speak. Cas just kept playing with his hair carefully. “My Mom, when I was really little… I remember love, then, and warmth. She used to always make sure I was in a sweater when it was cold, or a raincoat when it was wet out and she baked the best pie. But she…” Another hesitation and Dean huffed a sigh, turning his head to rest against Cas’s shoulder, eyes opening a little. “She died. A long time ago. So.”

Cas made a soft, almost wounded sound in the back of his throat. “Dean...”

“Hey, it’s okay, don’t worry about it.” Dean pushed himself up to sit, “my life isn’t so shitty, I just—”

But Cas frowned and grabbed a hold of the older boy, dragging him back down and wrapping him up in his arms, determination in his eyes even when Dean uttered a squawked protest. “But you feel cared for now, right?”

“Cas—” Dean huffed but didn’t struggle, instead settling easily and flopping his head down heavily on Cas’s chest. “Yeah, I do. Because of you.”

Cas made a little oof noise but otherwise didn’t complain. He was quiet for a moment before announcing, “so then I just have to stick around.”

“Cas. You don’t get it. After this whole thing at the school, I’m leaving, and I’ll probably never be back!”

“No, I understand that, Dean.” Cas sighed, “but there are such things as cell phones and computers. You just need to get a phone that’s capable of text and a laptop that doesn’t belong to your brother.” It seemed simple enough to him, but Dean and his technophobia were clearly struggling with the concept. Cas loosened his hold on him and brought a hand up to stroke through his hair again, “we can talk, and text, and video chat. And I’m sure you could come back to visit once in a while, when you’re in Florida or close by, or we could meet up somewhere else. My Father probably won’t like me taking off for random weekends, but I’d do it for you anyway. People have made relationships work on less.”

Dean grumbled but leaned into the hand in his hair. “Stop making sense.”

Cas actually grinned at him. “Make me.”

-- --

This wasn’t the first time lunch hour behind the bleachers had turned into a make-out session, but they weren’t usually this… intense. Mostly because they weren’t always the only ones who ate lunch in the gym, and they could both behave reasonably when the situation called for it.

Today had started off with Dean angling for a couple of kisses and the next thing Cas knew their lunches were discarded and he was straddling Dean’s lap, both hands buried in the older boy’s hair and kissing him until he couldn’t breathe, until they were pressed flush together, rutting against each other, and Dean’s hands were under his shirt and Cas was pretty sure he was on the verge of ruining his boxers but he was surprisingly okay with that, actually.

And then Dean stopped. His hands moved down to grab at Cas’s hips, stilling him as well, and he muttered a quiet apology when Cas dropped his forehead down onto Dean’s shoulder and groaned in protest.

“Damn it, Dean…” Cas grumbled under his breath.

“I know, but quiet.” Dean had his eyes closed and when Cas glanced up, he was obviously listening for something. One of his hands moved off Cas’s hip and down to the floor, palm down against the polished wood. “There’s something moving around below us. I can feel it in the floor.” After a long couple of minutes, he opened his eyes again and returned his hand to Cas’s hip. When Cas straightened up with a heaved sigh, his own hands sliding to grab at Dean’s shoulders absently, Dean looked at him and asked, “what’s under the gym?”

Cas’s brows drew together, and he swallowed slightly. “I don’t know. You’ve been here longer than I have. Basement?”

“I—” Dean ran a hand over his face and then carefully maneuvered Cas out of his lap. “I am so sorry, Cas, but I have to go find the door to the basement right now.”

Cas slumped back against the wall and thumped his head back on the brick lightly, just once, but then nodded. “…I understand, Dean.”

“I’ll make it up to you, I swear.” Dean promised, even as he was climbing out from under the bleachers.

Another nod, and a half-smile; “I’m going to hold you to that.” For now, he just watched Dean hurry off—and willed his hard-on to go the hell away before he had to go back to class.

-- --

At the end of the day when Dean emerged from Caspar High into the Jacksonville heat and humidity, he was surprised to find Cas waiting by the steps for him, the same as always. He had honestly figured that leaving the other boy high-and-dry the way he had would put him in the doghouse, but no, Cas perked when he spotted him and gave him a welcoming smile, which Dean gratefully returned.

So, Cas just slung his backpack over his shoulder, and they set out walking to his house, as usual. Dean walked him home, they said their goodbyes on the doorstep, and then he returned to the motel to make sure Sam was alright, even though all he really wanted to do was go inside and up to Cas’s room to cuddle up in bed with him.

The way he felt about Cas… he had never felt that way about anyone before in his young life. He felt lighter, warmer, happier when Cas was around. And it was true, Cas made him feel cared for. The younger boy gave him affection freely and without asking anything in return, something Dean had only ever experienced with his mom when he was a toddler. It was intoxicating.

And he knew what he was feeling, truly, but he couldn’t allow himself to admit it, not even privately, never mind out loud, never mind to Cas.

So, he just continued to bask in Cas’s sunshine while he could, soaking it in, and maybe it was selfish, but he knew his time with Cas was limited. It was all he could do. That, and return the affection as best he could—and he wasn’t very good at that, he thought, but he was trying, and he hoped Cas understood that, somehow.

“Did you find the basement?” Cas asked, interrupting Dean’s rumination.

Dean blinked and glanced sideways at him. “Huh? Oh. I found the door. It’s down at the end of the tech hall. But it’s locked.”

“Can’t you pick a lock?”

Dean scoffed, “of course I can. Just not during school hours when there are a ton of people around. I’m gonna go back tonight.”

Cas’s lips quirked. “Breaking and entering is a crime, you know.”

“Please tell me we’re not about to go over my rap sheet because that could take a while.”

“My boyfriend is a criminal,” Cas sighed. “What will my Father say?”

Dean grinned, “we’re keeping this thing from both our Dads, remember?”

“We are,” Cas agreed. He was quiet for a moment, then, before asking, “how are you going to make it up to me?”

Dean looked at him blankly for a second before his mind supplied him with memories of dry humping behind the bleachers. He swallowed at the thought and resisted the urge to adjust himself. That had been… well. They had never gotten that heavy, before, and Dean was surprised by how hot it had been. He was learning all kinds of things from his first relationship with another boy. First real relationship at all.

“Well,” He began slowly, “maybe we can pick up where we left off tomorrow.”

Cas gave him a little, fondly amused look. “You liked it as much as I did.” He accused.

“Maybe. So what if I did?” Dean sniffed, face flushing red. Then he cleared his throat and muttered, “how could I not? You’re hot, okay? There, I said it.” Cas actually stopped walking at that, and it took a few steps for Dean to realize the other boy wasn’t beside him anymore. When he turned around, Cas was looking at him with a positively bewildered expression on his face. Dean crossed the distance between them and waved a hand in front of his face to catch his attention. “Hey… you okay? I didn’t mean… I mean. I meant it, I just didn’t mean to break your brain with it, so…”

But Cas just frowned slightly and looked at him, clearly confused, “but I’m not… hot. I’m… weird.”

Dean blinked—then gave him a fond look and reached to take hold of Cas’s hand and squeeze gently. “You can be both. And there’s nothing wrong with being weird, Cas.”

Blue eyes closed over as Cas considered that, his hand tightening in Dean’s, and when he opened his eyes once more, he smiled a little, “okay,” and just started walking again, leaving Dean to hurry to keep up. The rest of the walk to Cas’s house was made in companionable silence, a small smile on Cas’s face the entire time.

Admittedly, Dean’s first-and-only boyfriend was a bit of a puzzle at times, but that was part of what made him so appealing. He wasn’t part of the brainwashed masses. He was unique. And if he wanted to call himself “weird” that was fine, Dean could embrace that. What he’d said was true: there was nothing wrong with being weird. He was pretty weird himself, after all, so he couldn’t talk. “Weird” encompassed the life of a Hunter.

When they reached Cas’s house, they climbed the steps to the porch and paused there. Cas smiled at him. “This is me. Thanks for walking me.”

“I wish I could come in.” God did he wish he could go in. “But you know how it is. Gotta check on Sammy. Make sure he hasn’t burned the motel down.”

A small laugh, “tell Sam I said hi.”

Dean smiled and stepped closer, reaching to rest a hand by Cas’s waist and tugging him forward at the same time. “Will do.” He promised, even as he leaned in for a kiss.

Cas hummed a pleased noise against Dean’s lips and kissed back slowly, deeply, then drew Dean into another series of kisses, full of want—but not like the ones in the gym earlier in the day. Warmer and with more longing. Dean’s arms slid around him, and Cas leaned into his chest—

And the front door opened.

Cas and Dean jerked apart, Cas whirling to face the doorway where his father was standing, staring at them flatly, red all the way to his ears and already stammering; “I—uh—Father, this is—that is—we were just—”

“I think it’s pretty obvious what we were just.” Dean muttered under his breath.

“Castiel, go inside.” Chuck told his floundering son firmly, “Dean and I need to have a talk.”

Cas winced a little, but ducked past his father and into the house, casting a worried glance back. Dean waved one hand, just a subtle gesture, and he finally closed the door behind himself, leaving his boyfriend and his father alone outside. He didn’t go far, though, standing just in the entryway, listening for raised voices with a pinched expression on his face, just in case he had to go back outside and intervene.

On the porch, Dean and Chuck faced each other silently for a long moment. Dean had never felt the need to cower in front of anyone before, but the urge the hunch his shoulders and look down at that exact moment was real. He forced himself to stand straight and look Chuck in the eye regardless.

“Dean.” Chuck said finally.

“Chuck.” Dean acknowledged.

“Mr. Shurley.” Chuck corrected, privately not really meaning it. He just needed to be the Protective Father for now. Still, Dean didn’t know that and winced internally. He muttered a quiet, “sorry”, even as Chuck stepped down onto the porch proper and looked him up and down. “You know Castiel is… sensitive. Right?”

Dean nodded. “Yes, sir.”

“He’s never been in a relationship before, to my knowledge.”

“No, sir, I—I’m the first.”

“Right. So.” Chuck lifted a hand and jabbed one finger into Dean’s chest firmly. “Don’t fuck it up, kid.”

“I would never—” Dean hesitated and took a breath before finishing, “I would never intentionally do anything to hurt Cas, sir. I… care about him. A lot.” More than he should. More than was safe. But he didn’t say that out loud. After a moment he added, almost embarrassedly; “and if it makes you feel any better, he’s my first relationship, too.”

That made Chuck blink. “Seriously? You? Jesus, I had you pegged all wrong.”

A little mutter. “I don’t advertise it.”

Chuck regarded him with amusement for a long moment and then reached for the door. “Come inside, Dean. I’m sure Cas is worried sick.”

“I—yeah, but just for a second. I have to get, uh, home. To check on my brother.”

When Chuck opened the door, he basically smacked Cas in the face with it, the boy was standing so close by. Dean winced, then eased past Chuck to check on his boyfriend who, once he saw Dean was alive and well and allowed inside the house, perked up considerably.

Dean just smoothed his fingers over the tiny red spot on Cas’s forehead where the door had bonked into him and gave him a quick kiss. “I can’t stay. Sam, right? But I think your Dad is gonna be okay with us, so you can stop worrying about that.”

Cas blinked at him. “Really?”

Dean smiled. “Yeah. I’m not totally useless with parents, you know.”

“I’m still right here, guys.” Chuck commented as he passed them and headed farther into the house.

Dean laughed and kissed Cas again, in full view of Chuck, just because he could. “I have to go. See you at school tomorrow?”

“Yeah,” Cas gave him a genuine, blatantly happy smile, the kind he rarely shared; “see you then.”

-- --

It was nearly eleven o’clock at night when Dean picked the lock to the back doors of Caspar High and slipped inside, a flashlight in one hand, a sawed-off shotgun under his arm, and his buck knife tucked safely in the back of his jeans as usual. Sam had packed extra ammo into his jacket pockets, both buckshot and rock salt (just in case.)

The school employed precisely one nighttime security guard due to vandalism problems in the past, so Dean knew he had to tread carefully on his way through to the tech hall where the door to the basement was located. And Caspar was, indeed, a maze, but Dean had been mapping it in his head since Day One, so he had a pretty good idea of where he was going, even in the dark.

Now, he just closed the door softly behind himself and started down the hallway at a quick but quiet pace.

The back doors lead to a little lobby, which split off two ways: the first was a door that went to the hall the main gym was in, along with the special education classrooms, which then branched off to the geography and art corridors, and the second was a set of stairs climbing up to the math hall on the second floor. The math hall lead to the music hall and the computer sciences hall, but that didn’t matter because he wasn’t going upstairs anyway.

He carefully pushed the door to the main gym hall open and eased through, closing it behind him just as quietly as the first one. He had no idea where the security guard was, so he wasn’t taking any chances. Everything as quickly and silently as possible.

Making his way past the gymnasium made him think fleetingly of Cas, but he quickly reined himself in before he could go too far down that rabbit hole. He was on a mission, he needed to focus.

Past the gym were the hallways that lead to the art and science wings, and Dean not only didn’t get art (most of the time), or take art class, this time he avoided that corridor all together, skirting around the corner to the geography hall instead.

He was halfway down the hall when he heard footsteps coming from ahead of him.

Shit. Dean quickly flicked his flashlight off and backtracked, ducking around the corner into the art hall, pressing close to the wall and waiting, listening.

The footsteps echoed poignantly in the empty building, walking slowly and steadily down the geography wing toward him—and then pausing at the end of the hall. Silence for a long, long few breaths—followed by footsteps again, turning and heading down toward the gym.

Dean eased back around the corner and quickly made his way in the opposite direction, down the geography hall until he could step around the corner at the other end.

This part of the school was a sort of lobby area off the library. If you went right it took you up a short set of stairs and down the hall to the main entrance, main office, teacher’s lounge and guidance councillor’s office. If you went left, you were heading to either the science and math corridor, or the almost comically long tech hall.

It was the tech hall he wanted; the door to the basement was at the end of it, next to the comm tech room, assuming it hadn’t magically moved since he’d located it earlier.

More footsteps, heading his direction. Dean got moving again, turning to the left and hurrying as much as he could while still remaining quiet, flashlight still off, just in case. His quick steps took him around the corner to the tech hall and he paused to listen again—but the footsteps were still coming. He cursed under his breath and took off down the hall, running. He could be surprisingly light on his feet when he wanted to be, and now was a time he wanted to be.

He just had to make it down the stupidly long corridor, pick the lock to the basement door, and get inside before the security guard came around the corner and caught him. He would be expelled for sure if he was found there at midnight carrying a bevy of weapons—probably arrested—and that wouldn’t be good for the Hunt. …not to mention Cas.

Dean hit the basement door at a dead run and skidded to a stop, setting his shotgun down on the ground and pulling out his lockpick tools again, quickly getting to work on the lock. It was stubborn, but he was good. He had it open in seconds, and snatched his shotgun off the ground, disappearing into the basement just before the security guard turned the corner.

Standing at the top of the basement stairs, Dean paused to catch his breath and listened as the guard passed by the door without a pause in his footsteps. Safe. (Ish.) He turned his flashlight back on and peered down the steps in front of him, but nothing jumped out at him immediately, so after only a brief hesitation he headed down.

Nest was a word he usually reserved for vampires, but he thought what he found at the bottom of the stairs definitely qualified; the entire ceiling was covered in strands of webbing, thick in some places and thinner in others. Some of the webs had strands that connected down to the floor, or to the walls. And there were cocoons. Several of them, webbed up in the nest, likely full of desiccated corpses, the same as the others had been.

It seemed like nobody was home, he probably would have been attacked already if the creature was there, but Dean held his sawed-off at the ready just in case as he slowly walked a circle around the basement, flashlight illuminating everything around him.

And then he tripped over something, almost falling on his face. He had been so focused on looking up that he hadn’t been watching his footing. Now he shone his flashlight beam down, and—

What the hell was that?

Crouching down, Dean picked up the object he had tripped on and brought it up to inspect it: it was about a foot long and as big around as his forearm, hard like bone but light as a feather. Covered in short, coarse hair. Obviously broken off of something larger. The in-tact end came to a rounded point and sported a pair of nasty looking claws, while the broken end was ragged and showed it was hollow inside.

Dean honestly had no idea what he was holding in his hand at that moment.

He just tucked it into his jacket to take back to the motel with him and stood again, beaming his flashlight around for another minute or two before heading back for the staircase again. Now he just had to make it back out past the security guard as well, but that shouldn’t be a problem. Hopefully.

And now they had something more to go on—and something new to tell their dad when he called next, other than about more freaking cocoons.

-- --

The next day it was raining, so lunch time soccer practice was moved inside the gym. This meant that Cas and Dean were far from the only people there, which meant that a repeat performance of the day before probably wasn’t a great idea. Damn it. It also meant that Dean couldn’t feel for any more vibrations in the floorboards since, well, the whole floor was vibrating from all the running people. Double damn it.

Still, they weren’t too phased, just a little disappointed, and they could pick it up later in a more reasonable place and at a more reasonable time if they wanted to. It probably wasn’t a good idea to screw around in the gym where anyone could catch them anyway, Cas reminded himself.

So, they ate in companionable silence for a while, then briefly discussed the piece of whatever it was that Dean had found in the basement the night before, until Dean finished his sandwich and began picking at the edge of his fruit cup without actually opening it.

“Hey Cas,” He spoke up after a moment, then; “can I… ask you something?”

Cas looked sideways at him. “Mm?”

Dean continued to fidget with his fruit cup before asking, “have you always, uh… known. That you were into guys?”

Cas blinked. “I’m not.”

Dean blinked right back at him. “Come again?”

“Well, I am, obviously.” Gesturing between himself and Dean with one hand, Cas finished off the last bite of his own sandwich and then continued; “Dean, I like people, not genders.” He offered Dean a smile. “I don’t like you because you’re a boy, I like you because you’re you. Gender has nothing to do with it.”

That seemed to stump Dean, who looked at him in obvious confusion before glancing down, turning away a little.

Cas watched him for a few seconds, then sighed and set the rest of his lunch aside, scooting over to climb into Dean’s lap despite the older boy’s muttered, half-hearted protests. Once he was settled, Cas leaned his head down against Dean’s shoulder. “Tell me what’s wrong.”

“I…” Dean hesitated. He was very specifically not touching Cas, and Cas finally made a quiet frustrated noise and reached to wrap Dean’s arms around himself. Dean heaved a sigh but allowed it. “I’m not a good person, Cas. I know you think I am, but I’m not, I’ve done so many terrible things, I’ve hurt people, and it won’t stop for the rest of my life, I’m going to keep doing bad things, keep hurting people, I—how can you just like me for me when that’s who I am?”

“You do good things, too.” Cas pointed out softly, “and I think they outweigh the bad. You are a good person, Dean.” Shifting a bit, he brought one hand up to rest over where Dean’s heart was beating in his chest, “I can feel it in here. You care about everyone; you care about me. You protect people, at the cost of your own safety. You’re strong, but you’re also gentle and loving and—” Breaking off, Cas ducked his head closer to nuzzle into the crook of Dean’s neck. “You’re good, Dean Winchester. I am very sure of that fact.”

Another long, drawn-out silence before, “…Cas?”

“Mm?”

“Come up here.”

Cas sat up properly again, hand still resting against Dean’s chest, fingers rubbing there absently, and looked at him quizzically. Dean brought one hand up to cup Cas’s face, thumb brushing along his cheek lightly and making him smile. He leaned into the touch. Then Dean leaned forward to kiss him, just gently, leaving Cas to kiss back in kind, sinking into Dean’s chest with a pleased hum.

The thing about it was that when it came to this topic Cas was an utter hypocrite. Dean was constantly telling him how incredible he was, how amazing he was, and he could never believe it, just like Dean couldn’t believe that he was a good person. Neither of them had the best self-esteem in the world, it would seem, though probably for radically different reasons.

Another few long, warm kisses, and Dean sighed out, “you shouldn’t have so much faith in me, I’m not—”

“You are.” Cas interrupted—and Dean grunted softly, but that was his only protest this time and then they were kissing again, just deep, slow, full-bodied kisses that easily conveyed the emotions that neither of them were willing (or able) to express out loud yet. And then—

“Well at least you guys’ve still got your pants on, I mean sheesh!”

They practically jerked apart at the new voice, cheerful and female, that interrupted their little sanctuary. When Cas looked over, a head of red hair was poking around the corner—and he sighed, smiling a little. “Hi, Charlie.”

Dean let his head fall back against the wall and echoed, “hi, Charlie,”—despite the fact that he didn’t even know Charlie.

Cas laughed softly, even as Charlie scooted in behind the bleachers a little and informed them, “if you’d had your dicks out I’d’ve had to have left immediately.”

“You could still do that.” Dean pointed out dryly.

Charlie stuck her tongue out at him, then reached to drop a little blue organza bag into Cas’s lap. “You owe me fifty bucks!” She chirped before waving a hand toward them and making her exit, “you guys go back to… whatever you were or weren’t doing! See you in class, Cas!”

Cas’s smile widened considerable as he picked up the bag. “Thanks Charlie!”

“Bye, Charlie!” Dean called after her—then turned his attention back to Cas, “did you tell her where we eat?”

“I… did. A while ago.” Cas admitted, “please don’t be mad? Charlie’s kind of my best friend. Besides you.”

A soft laugh and Dean shook his head. “Looks like she was delivering something?”

Cas toyed with the organza bag for a moment before clearing his throat. “Um,” he began, already wincing a little, “so I was talking to Sam, and he told me your birthday is coming up. He wouldn’t tell me which day because he said you’d be mad, but he said soon and—”

“Why are you in communication with my brother, Cas.” Dean deadpanned.

“Stop.” Cas smacked a hand into his arm, “Sam’s a good kid. I like him.”

A sigh. “Go on.”

“Sam said you don’t celebrate your birthday,” He continued, “but that seemed kind of wrong, and I wanted to—I—so—here.” Unable to find the right words, Cas just wound up shoving the little parcel at his boyfriend, avoiding his eyes the entire time. “Happy Birthday. Whenever it is.”

“I already told you it was in January, didn’t I?”

“Yes, but not what day, so…”

Dean stared at him hard for a long minute before taking the package and opening it, pulling out the contents—eight thin but strong strips of black leather, all braided together into a Celtic-style bracelet with what appeared to be actual silver snap closings. Thick and obviously made for a man. Cas made a quiet pleased noise to himself when he saw it for the first time, then carefully peered at Dean, looking for a reaction.

“Uh,” When Dean didn’t say anything immediately, Cas shifted in his lap and offered; “Charlie is in my calculus class, and she’s really nice. Funny. I think you’d like her. She makes these things, and other jewelry,,, for her Etsy, I guess.”

“What’s an Etsy?” Dean seemed to have found his voice again. He was turning the bracelet over in his hands, running his fingers over it, green eyes focused on it intently.

Cas smiled, amused, “a store on the Internet.” He clarified. “I had to ask, too. Anyway, I asked her to make this for you, it’s… nothing special. Really. But I thought it would go with your style, and it’s minimal so it won’t get in the way while you’re on Hunts. If… you don’t like it, you can just say so, I’m sure I can give it back to Charlie and she can sell it online or something instead, I just—”

“Cas,”

“—wanted to get you something… for your birthday… so…” Trailing off, Cas swallowed slightly. “Yes, Dean?”

“Shut up.” Dean told him gently, even as he was fiddling with the bracelet to get it on his right wrist. He smiled once it was in place, just a little, fond quirk of his lips, and then leaned forward to bump his forehead into Cas’s and look into his eyes. “Thank you.” He said sincerely, “only Sammy’s ever gotten me something like this. It means a lot to me.”

Cas smiled a little and reached up to tug at Dean’s pendant gently. “I was afraid you’d be angry,” He admitted softly, “Sam said you really don’t like to celebrate your birthday. Or talk about it. Or… anything.”

“I have vague memories of my last birthday before Mom died,” Dean leaned back again, arms coming up around Cas to pull him along, “it’s painful to think about, with how my life is now. So, I tend to avoid it. But this is… special. It’s from you, so it means something. It’s just as amazing as you are. How could I be mad?”

Cas leaned into him, quiet for a long moment, and just listened to the sounds of soccer practice winding down for the day. Finally, he said, “you should celebrate your birthday, Dean. And Christmas. And all the other holidays. It’s important to make new memories during those times, too. Celebrate them with Sam and your Dad.” Though it didn’t sound like his dad was really one for celebrating things.

“And with you?” Dean asked softly.

“Mm.” The younger boy agreed with a smile, “and with me.”

“For as long as I can, anyway.” Dean dipped his head to give Cas a gentle kiss. “Thank you, Cas.”

“You’re welcome, Dean. I’m glad you like it.”

“Sam is never going to let me live this down, you know.” Then, “hey, when’s your birthday?”

“July tenth.” Cas settled against him again with a sigh, “you’ll be long gone by then.”

“Yeah.” Dean sounded disappointed. “But maybe we can meet up somewhere around then, like you said. Spend a weekend together.”

Cas closed his eyes, smiling. “That actually sounds perfect, we should definitely do that.” When the warning bell for classes rang at that moment, he sighed and gave Dean a smile. “But later. Classes now.”

“Killjoy.” Dean accused with a little grin.

“That’s me.” Cas agreed, even as he climbed out of Dean’s lap and started shoving the remans of his lunch back into his backpack. Once he had tidied up, he slung the bag over one shoulder and went to scoot out from under the bleachers—but then changed him mind just long enough to lean over and drop a kiss against Dean’s cheek. “See you after school.”

“Yeah.” Dean waved him off with a soft smile, making no move to exit the bleachers himself, “see you after school.” Then, when Cas was just about to duck out of sight; “January twenty-fourth!”

Cas’s head poked back around the corner. “January twenty-fourth?”

“My birthday.” Dean clarified. “It’s January twenty-fourth.”

The other boy smiled fondly and resisted the urge to climb back under the bleachers again. “See you later, Dean.”

Dean offered a smile of his own. “See you.”