#I just lay down and close my eyes
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.: Daily Vision :.
Trying to connect with myself more spiritually, here's the vision I got today.
An open sunny field, a single small yellow flower with six petals in the center. A light breeze sways the petals and stem, the sound of birds and rustling grass. I open my view more, seeing the entire field. There is only that single flower visible, the grass plentiful and there's no trees around. At the edge of the field, an empty road rests. The road calls me, but I worry about the lonely flower. I am torn between the two, going back and forth until I go and sit back with the flower. Night comes, the sound of crickets and fireflies fill the air around me. I feel sad, feeling stuck as the flower never wilts. I want it to wilt, and sometimes I think it is. But it springs back up, and I continue sitting in that spot. Sometimes I do get up and go to the edge of that road. But I don't step onto it, I want to so badly but I can hear the flower crying to me. I have to stay. And so I do. A never-ending cycle begins again.
#witchblr#witch blog#witchcraft#baby witch#wiccan#I feel like this means I feel trapped by something I cannot leave behind#the flower being my disabilities and trauma that keep me in place#I hope that one day I can just take the flower with me in a little flower pot#I can't kill it obviously#so it's the best I can hope for#I guess these visions would be better categorized as 'meditation'#I just lay down and close my eyes#like how I did when I met my deity#it's a nice experience ngl
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torelai
(she/her)
#this was drawn with my thumb on my phone on the sketchbook app while laying down#so its not great but its good enough to post i think#idk how i used to do digital art only on my phone this was so hard#fantasy ocs#fantasy oc#my ocs#dragon#anthro#anthro dragon#yew art#edit i also had one eye closed but thats kind of just something i do generally#that eye is where my migraines feel worse so i just close it sometimes even when migraines arent happening#so yeah thats all my excuse for this not being super great#torelai
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I'm too tired to enjoy being awake, but too awake to sleep. The most miserable state of being.
#i had to wake up early as fuck to take one of my dogs for a teeth cleaning#after that i deserved a little treat so i got coffee#but coffee doesnt do shit for me unless ive had like 4+ cups#discovered that this summer. sleep deprived as fuck chugging coffee like it was water#and i didnt even feel awake. i was just loopy as shit#anyway. so i did all that. then fed my other dog breakfast#and took a shower. i get productive af when i wake up early#but now i have half an hour until i have to go to work#and id love to lay my head down and rest. otherwise ill die at work#but i cant. cant do it even a little. im exhausted#but laying still with my eyes closed makes me want to die from boredom#but i cant concentrate on my phone or a book#miserable and terrible
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fellas is it normal to cry a lot when you “call out” of your job for the first time when you’ve only been working there for 4½ months
#⟡ — kayleigh’s yapping#i am past the stupid “90 day probation period” (or is that only for like actual companies and not family-owned businesses)#my digestive system is actually trying to kill me and my head won’t stop pounding#i haven’t been able to actually fall asleep in over 48hrs now#i have just been laying in bed with my eyes closed lmfao which. ain’t cutting it#i am also so very extremely hungry but if i try to eat i will 🤢#there’s only one response to this:#i am going to take two of my gummies and take a bunch of puffs from my vape and get high as a motherfucking kite#which will a) make me super duper starving and hungry and able to eat and#b) make me super duper relaxed and able to sleep though this may be a circumstance where it doesn’t work but i fucking hope that it does#anyways texted my boss and she was super nice and chill about it and told me that she hopes i feel better and to make sure to get some rest#which i totally understand are pointless and bland platitudes but like. still.#anyways they’ll find someone else (there’s only 3 kennel attendants including me @ the whelping facility so. oof.) to cover my shift tonight#there’s a few that work strictly at the training facility down the road but i doubt they’ll have one of them come do it#i feel bad but like. i cannot. do my job. while feeling like this#just walking upstairs and to the kitchen has me feeling lightheaded lmfao
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I have to wake up at like 6 this morning to get ready for a blood test and ultrasound back to back but my sleep schedule is so out ive been going to sleep at 5am consistently so it’s 3:30am now and I cannot get to sleep : /
#thoughts#I’m considering just staying up#I’ll be back home at 9 then I can go to sleep but that’ll mess up my sleep even more#and getting a blood test sleep deprived sounds awful I don’t ever do well with them#Buuut I’m so awake that laying down with my eyes closed is so boring it hurts#I’m going to keep trying to sleep I guess but I’m not happy about it
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I'm going thru my old art work (amongst other things) and I came across these from approx 2006 (undated but found in a notepad with other drawings from around that time.
What I love about these drawings: 1) it is obvious how much I was obsessed with the show Inuyasha (pretty much 90% of anything I drew in my free time was either Inuyasha related or anime inspired) and 2) who my OTP was (and still is) at the time. And 3) the backstory came rushing back to me once I saw them (they are identical twins, separated at birth, one lived with Kagura and the other with Sesshomaru, and they meet as teenagers - I love that Kagura's kid had gold eyes and Sesshomaru's had red, still makes me giddy 18 years later)
#it was a soap opera going on in my own head at that time#probably one of the first times i began storytelling daydreaming#i used to lay down with my eyes closed just storybuilding and acting#it was my favorite hobby#inuyasha#sesskagu#dont talk to me about yashahime#x
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No one ever talks about hemiplegic migraines and how much they suck and ESPECIALLY no one ever talks about how much your head hurts THE NEXT DAY king my head felt FINE when I went to bed let me LIVE
#anyways hi my migraines get so bad half my body goes numb and every time i move my head too fast the next day it throbs#best way i can describe the day after headace is like. if you've ever had covid and you got that really bad headache???#and like every time you'd move your head you'd have to like wait for a second cause it was fucking THROBBING??#that's the day after headache i usually get sometimes it isn't THAT bad but sometimes it is#and i guess hemiplegic migraine is like#what if you have Migraine boss mode and it felt like someone swung a baseball bat at your head so hard you were experiencing stroke symptom#teehee! ❤️#i am NOT exaggerating one time i made the mistake of trying to sleep off a hemiplegic migraine after playing animal crossing at like 4am#cause screen bad for migraine but ot already sucks so i can be miserable or miserable a d playing animal crossing lmfao cnxncnxncnddf#and ANYWAYS i had a nightmare timmy and tommy were beating my head in with a baseball bat lmfao like you cannot sleep that shit off#it will follow you and it will hurt!#Anyway here is Mimi's super cool guide to a hemiplegic migraine: Take more ibuprofen that is comfortable (my max is 4)#drink a LOT of water cause hydration helps with migraines. lay down in a dark room and throw on a video essay you can half pay attention to#you aren't gonna be able to fall asleep but close your eyes and just focus on that. ALSO icepack. you're gonna be here for a while#anyways i would like to switch up my pain meds when having one cause. ibuprofen isn't good for your stomach! but idk how much to take#so i am stuck in limbo until i figure that out i caught yesterday's too late and that's why my head hurts today
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Not tired enough to sleep, but just tired enough to not be able to keep my eyes open
#my body hurts and I can't lay down#But I need to sleep so bad#But I can't sleep#what the fuck do I do#i just lay there with my eyes closed still conscious
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genuinely how it feels to eat or try to sleep in the presence of a pet bird
#he’s not a parrot but he acts like one 😭#both result in the loudest screams possible. if you weren’t aware#food = oh it’s time to eat! both of us! at the same time!#but birds are smart. they want the same thing you’re eating. not anything else.#sleeping during the day = OWNER DEAD OWNER IS DEAD I NEED TO ALERT OWNER DEAD OR INJURED OR SICK ALERT ALERT#unless the bird is the one who wants to nap during the day. that’s fine of course. but owner MUST stay awake at all times#and it really is that bad like. if im laying down bird he can see my eyes are open he will not yell#eyes closed? AHHH AHHHHH EEEKK AHHHHHH SCRREEEEEE#same with food. you have a plate! it’s full! WANT FOOD WANT FOOD WANT THAT FOOD oh the plate is empty (silence resumes)#moon knight spoilers#if you do not know the context please just imagine that he is trying to take a nap on the chair#that is definitely it
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good morning!! <33
#wah another chill day#like it took a lil to fall asleep last night#normal cramps + the way i've been a little sick lately made it hard#so i'm just gonna laze around mostly#maybe find an ask game or smth if i have the energy#honestly i don't nap much but today feels like i might#like at least lay down & close my eyes for a bit (doubt I'll actually nap but it'll be relaxing either way :3)#anyways#i hope today/tonight is good to you (and that you feel better than i do hehe) :3#morning rambles
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so I took my meds again last night, and then slept for about 15 hours. it's midnight now, I haven't been awake that long yet. I'm super tired still but mostly I just feel so empty. I wish there was something I wanted to do right now.
#all I really want to do is close my eyes and continue my Dan story#but if I do that I'll fall asleep and it'll be a whole day wasted#I felt so awful yesterday. it's better today but. not that much. it's more emptiness instead of desperation but still not great#would like to paint or something but I don't have the energy#I'm trying to listen to my audiobook but I keep getting distracted (Dan thoughts)#well at least my cat just came to me and lay down right next to my head. so I've got to cuddle him for a while now#he's the sweetest little baby boy#personal
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being sick as an adult sucks. wdym my mom won’t just automatically make sure I eat food instead of exclusively drinking Gatorade all day. wdym I have to ask my roommates to make me dinner. I have to Venmo a friend money to buy me more Gatorade?? I can’t focus enough to do homework??? I hate this.
#this is a silly haha humor post but in all seriousness.#COVID rly is just making me stare all the internalized ableism in the eye#yes worth isnt defined by productivity and disability and the idea of being a burden is part of being human and isn’t shameful at all#until I have to minorly inconvenience people to meet my basic needs#I really want to eat dinner but that would require asking my roommates to make me dinner which is just. 5 kinda of mortifying.#even though if someone I knew was sick I would not be upset about making them food! sick people need to eat!#my parents ordered me chipotle yesterday bc they were so concerned bc of how I sounded over the phone#and my friend went out and bought me juice and Gatorade and popsicles and took me to the doctor#the support system Exists I just feel bad about having to use it T-T#I just want to be hugged and read to and reminded to eat food but I am an adult now and not at home#lonely TT-TT#it’ll be okay I’m probably just emotional bc I’m sick and hungry#I also just am struggling so hard because I want to catch up on my classwork Right Now#but I can get through maybe one assignment before I’m too exhausted to keep sitting up#and I have to lay down and close my eyes and sleep or do a light activity like playing candy crush for the fifty bazillionth time#I’ve gotten through like. 100 levels this week.#I’m losing my dang marbles. I am gonna be so behind in ASL Susan is gonna be so disappointed in me#I feel like I have all this energy when I’m laying down bored but as soon as I sit up I feel like I’m floating and about to fall over#so. so tired. why can’t I be healthy already and do homework T-T.#I’m choosing to take this as a lesson to slow down and not overwork myself so hard. instead of being mad at myself for getting behind.#<- is trying and failing not to be mad at herself for getting behind
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I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON IN YOUR COMIC BUT HOLY SHIT IT LOOKS SO COOL?????? THE PERSPECTIVES ARE JUST SOOOO GOOD!!!!!!!
i- hope that it'll make more sense once the dialogue is fully written out and the sketches cleaned-
but thank you! im enjoying the process so far :]
#bread talks#ask#i wish it could go a little faster but oorgh#i lay down to close my eyes for 30 mins and woke up (woke up!!!) 3 hrs later#which...might as well just fully go to sleep at this point#whatcha gonna do -pensive emoji-
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Me, explaining things in a way that's completely incoherent: I don't understand what you find so difficult to comprehend???
#i think the problem is that something in my brain structures information in a way thats hard for other people to understand#it may be a dyslexia thing. but it is the most frustrating thing to be misunderstood without any#idea of howbwhat ur saying doesnt make sense. like. look. fucking. its right there. laid out in a way that looks like an absolute disaster#bc u would think with as many control issues id b extremely organized but no. i kno where everything is#but its in a pile. aye. this project is such a clusterfuck#this is how my brain collapses. what sort of shape will i b in by the time we finish? (ie my birthday lol)#let's not think abt it. it wont b good.#everyday i get texts and emails and i have to put my head down and take a deep breath so by brain doesnt explode. the amount of psychic#pain i am burdened with when i open my manuscript doc is shocking.#is this my villian origin story? ive lost the ability to not look like im in pain while im in meetings. if u pay close attention u can see#the misery behind my eyes. my boss is gonna turn up the 23rd and b like: ready to go get icecream to celebrate#ur paper and phd accptance? and im gonna b like: i would rather eat glass#if u try to rope me into a surprise party i might walk out. excpet i wont bc im not that much of a brat#theres nothing to celebrate. just let me lay down on the floor for a while#unrelated
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also i am sooo fucking tired but i think . my silly little highschool insomnia is back w a vengeance
#morgan.pdf#it hasnt been this bad in soooo long tbh. i know at least closing ur eyes is better than nothing#but laying down w my eyes closed w just my thoughts??? girl theres Thought Patterns in there that i cant get out of once they start
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going to see lotr (the fellowship) on the big screen. also a bit sleepy but what gives
#ive seen this movie like 5 or 6 times probably i can close my eyes at some bits#whats actually tragic is i cant play picross on my switch while watching. OR lay down comfy.#but it is the big screen i just once wanted to see frodo and sam (huge)#rosa talk
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