#I just keep seeing this bullshit so here I am with yet another rant on the topic

[clearancecreedwatersurvival]

Is anyone gonna explain to people that ‘proship’ does not actually mean ‘problematic shipping’ or ‘problematic ship’ or are we just going to let this misinformation spread some more?

It means pro-shipping. The prefix pro, meaning ‘supporting.’ In favor of shipping.

It only became a defined position after anti-shippers who initially identified themselves as anti-a specific ship started harassing creators they didn’t like, doxxing them, and trying to get them fired from their irl jobs for shipping reasons around 2014-2016.

So people who had been in fandom for long enough to know where that kind of rhetoric leads (ffnet purges, LJ strikethru, as well as the direct harms caused by doxxing) observed this increasing trend of harassment and rallied to say ‘oh you lot are anti-shipping, as in opposed to certain ships? Well in that case, we are pro-shipping, because we follow the adage of ship and let ship.’

Before that point, it was just basic fandom etiquette to not bother people who ship stuff you don’t like, and to understand that if something squicks you out, it’s not the fault of the people who made it.

If someone says they are pro-ship, it means fuck all about what they actually enjoy in fiction.

It just means they’re opposed to harassing creators for making content that doesn’t cause tangible harm to real people. A better way to understand the ideological position is being anti-harassment and anti-censorship.

I have a lot of ships I find disgusting blacklisted so I don’t have to see them. But I am not interested in forcing people to comply with what I think is gross. That’s what it means.

Curate your online experience, and understand that your disgust response is not a defensible moral indicator or a justification to harass, deplatform, and dox fan writers.

[sukunasbow]

avoiding reality, daryl dixon.

summary: in which you avoid your boyfriend when you find out you’re pregnant, unsure of what to do with a baby in the middle of the apocalypse!

warnings: pregnant!reader, fem!reader, and not yet proof read because it’s late atm sorry!

notes: once again i wanna give fair warning that i am not the best at the pregnancy or children trope so please be patient!

Two days ago, you went on a run with your boyfriend to get food supplies from a rundown store, secretly stealing a cheap box of tests after you noticed you were late on your period. You’ve been good at keeping track of it so far, so you knew something was off. Your suspicions were obviously right, as you took the test later that night and it came back positive. Unsure of what to do and how Daryl would react, you chose the path of avoiding him, skipping out on the last few supply runs, as well as even keeping more distance between you and the man. He’s obviously taken notice to it, trying to start conversation with you and asking around if anyone knows what’s up with you. You couldn’t tell him, you were scared.

Now, you’re sitting up in the guard tower, staring out into the distance, ignoring the sound of Judith’s cries from inside the prison. It’s just another reminder of your predicament, causing you to close your eyes, your stomach squirming nervously.

“Ay!” The voice causes you to open your eyes, scaring you senseless. It’s Daryl. You shuffle closer to the fencing on the platform of the tower, looking down to see Glenn and your boyfriend standing together, weapons in hand. “We’re going on a run, come with us!” Daryl calls out again, moving his hand to shield his face from the sun and get a better look at you, hoping you’ll finally join him and get out of the prison for a bit.

“I’m gonna stay here and keep watch.” You yell back, instantly feeling bad when you notice his expression fall, clearly feeling upset.

“Maggie can take over.” Glenn adds. You let out an annoyed sigh. Obviously Glenn doesn’t know why you’re skipping the runs, but seriously, you wish he had stayed quiet. “Ya!” Daryl nods, confirming that Glenn’s wife would be willing to take over for the day.

“I don’t really feel like going.” You stay firm on your decision, despite the weird looks between Glenn and your boyfriend.

“Hold up.” Daryl says to Glenn, putting down his crossbow and walking towards the tower, opening the door and making his way up the stairs to talk to you.

Your eyes widen when he opens the second door, making his way out onto the balcony you’re sitting on. “Daryl, it’s fine, I’m just tired.” You insist. “Ya, bullshit, girl. I know ya, ya never miss runs, something’s up.” He scoffs, his southern tone harsh. He sits down next to you, waiting for your explanation. “I’m not lying.” You whisper. “Did I do something?” He questions you. “Daryl, I already told you, nothing’s wrong.” You shake your head. The stubborn man starts ranting about how he knows you, again. You let out a sigh, before opening your mouth.

“You really wanna know why I’m skipping all the runs and avoiding you?!” You huff, interrupting him, deciding you’ve had enough.

Your boyfriend nods.

“I’m pregnant, okay?!” You snap. Obviously, you were loud, as you hear Glenn audibly gasp, then the sound of gravel getting kicked around as he walks away and decides to wait in the truck.

You turn your attention back to Daryl, biting your lip, anxiously waiting for a response. His eyes are slightly wide, but the rest of his face remains serious.

Suddenly, he reaches his arms out and holds your hands. “Your really pregnant? You took a test?” He smiles. The smile is instantly relieving, causing you to nod, a small smile appearing on your face as well. “We’re gonna be good parents, hm?” Daryl pulls you in for a hug. “You’re going to be the best dad.” You reassure him. “And you’ll be a great mom, ya know that?” He pulls away from the hug and looks into your eyes. You hold back your tears, nodding repeatedly, letting yourself and him that it’s going to be alright.

Moments later, when reality sets in for the two of you, Glenn breaks the silence. “Should I ask Maggie to go on the run?!” He yells. “It’s fine, I’ll go now!” You reply. Daryl shakes his head, “Wait, you should stop going on runs now.” He says. “I can go on runs for a bit longer, besides, I wanna get out of here, I’ve been skipping runs for way too long.” You roll your eyes. “Okay, but I’m still coming with you.” Your boyfriend stands up, offering you a hand to help you up.

[jazzmynerule]

“hmm?”

prompt: y/n is over at her boyfriends stiles’ house keeping him company as he watches some funny youtube videos without realising she starts to drift off to sleep as stiles starts explaining random things to her

warnings: nothing but pure fluff

…………………………………….

“stiles your girlfriend is here” noah, stiles’ dad, yelled from the front door giving me a welcoming hug “hold on give me one minute!” stiles yelled from his room as i heard a big thump “he fell didn’t he?” noah sighed as i just laughed making my way up to my boyfriends room “stiles are you okay?” I asked opening the door to find him on the floor with his shirt tangled in his arms “oh my god you’re an actual child” i cackled watching him wiggle out of his shirt and detangle it “no I’m not” he huffed putting his shirt on correctly and grabbed onto me “I missed you’re sweet perfume so much” his head was dug into the crook of my neck sniffing my perfume “I saw you not even 4 hours ago stiles” I rolled my eyes at the clingy boy “yeah and those 4 hours away from you felt like an eternity” i smiled at his beautiful face and wriggled out of his grasp “I’m gonna watch some videos you’re more than welcome to join me or chill on my bed” he said as he turned his computer on “I’ll chill on your bed I’m kinda tired anyways” I yawned mid sentence “I’ll be in bed soon so wait for me” he chucked on some video and started rambling on about how he never gets to do this anymore cause Scott and his werewolf ass “like come on why am I always robin? I wanna be Batman!” He scoffed swinging on his chair “mm Batman” I was already half asleep not even comprehending what my boyfriend is saying “hey hey no sleeping yet” he snapped his fingers in front of my face “sleeping? i’m not sleeping” i scoffed with half shut eyelids knowing damn well in another minute or two i’ll be asleep “whatever you little liar” he chuckled turning back around to watch the rest of the video he had on

stiles was on another rant about some bullshit to even realise y/n fell asleep “and that’s why i should get a dog so it can actually eat my homework and i won’t get into trouble for not doing it, y/n you’re dating a mastermind” stiles cackled turning around to see half of y/n’s body hanging off his bed soft snores escaping her lips “i told you to wait little sneaky” he smiled getting out of his computer chair and lifted y/n’s body onto the bed “what are you doing stiles?” she mumbled in annoyance“you were falling off my bed baby i was helping you so you didn’t get a concussion” he said as he kissed her forehead and she mumbled some incoherent words stiles couldn’t understand “goodnight beautiful”

[capypub]

Without Warning - Mafia!Joel Miller Scene 2

AU Mafia!Joel Miller x Original Female Character

Rating: T (language, sexual themes, mentions of drugs)

Minors DNI. 18+ content!

Scene 1 Scene 3

Summary: Joel returns to the Tipsy Bison with his mind on one thing only after doing business near the border. Even though he feels out of practice, he somehow manages to get the girl, until she finds the literal gun in his pants.

A week goes by, Indi works another three nights without seeing him again. She thinks about that night more than she’d like to admit. After the initial shock had worn off, she realized how incredibly hot it was for this silver fox to come out of nowhere and stand up for her. Yes, he was a little intense for someone simply bumping into her, but something about those dark eyes and broad shoulders had her pulse fluttering and thighs clenching. 

It was a slower night, and she had just closed out her last tab. It wasn’t even nine yet and the place was looking dead. She leaned on the bar at the service well, helping Jared cut limes. 

“Like is it me? Am I the problem? Is there something on my face that says I like being played by idiots with nice butts?” Jared ranted, slicing a lime in half with much more force than needed.

“Of course not,” Indi said with a small smile, always there for her friend’s dating rants.

“Like I swear, Michael, the last guy I was talking to,” he went on, rolling his eyes and sticking his tongue out in disgust, “I swear, his entire goal in life is to be as petty as the Greek gods, this man could not just let things go,” he huffed. 

“Michael was the one with the nose ring, right?” she clarified.

“Yeah, hot piercings, huge dick, no communication skills whatsoever,” he grumbled.

“I think your energy just attracts people wanting to steal it,” she said thoughtfully, “plus you have a nice butt, so that doesn’t help,” she adds, leading both to laugh for a moment. 

“Hey Jared, it’s dead tonight, I’ll keep an eye on the bar, why don’t you head out early?” Tommy offered, coming up to them from the other end.

“Oh hell yeah, you don’t need to tell me twice,” Jared said, immediately perking up, “Is it cool if I hang out here for a bit though? I have food on the way,” he admitted.

“Sure kid, I’ll even pour you a drink while you wait,” Tommy shrugged with that easygoing smile Indi had grown to enjoy. 

He wasn’t here every night, but tried to show up for a bit as often as possible. She’d learned that this is more of a side business for him, his real work being with Joel doing construction or contracting or something. 

“Want a shot, Indi?” Tommy asked, breaking her from her thoughts.

“I’m on the clock though?” she pointed out softly, obviously confused by his offer.

Both Tommy and Jared let out a short laugh, Jared coming around the bar to sling his arm around her and playfully pinch her cheek. She retaliated by elbowing him in the ribs with a small pout.

“Don’t worry, darlin’, a shot or two never hurt no one, plus it’s not like we’re doing much tonight anyways,” Tommy said, smoothly pouring two shots of whiskey and a shot of vodka at Indi’s request, sliding a glass to the two on the other side of the bar.

They tapped their glasses together, each one throwing the shot back with practiced ease. Tommy didn’t miss the slight grimace on her face though after she had swallowed and shook her head. 

The trio looked up simultaneously when they heard someone enter. Indi could feel Jared tense up beside her, his arm still around her as they watched Joel walk over to the same corner table as before, sitting with his back to the wall, eyes on his phone as he sent a text. God, he was gorgeous, ruffled hair, heavy boots, and a light coating of dust on his pants. 

“Ah shit, here comes trouble,” Tommy said, grabbing a glass from the drying rack and pouring a double shot of bourbon, “here Indi, take this over to ‘m, I already know he’ll start his bullshit if I go over there,” he explained, sliding the rocks glass towards her.

“What do you mean?” she asked as she accepted the glass, wrapping a napkin around the bottom.

“He won’t talk shop if he’s got a pretty face distractin’ ‘im,” Tommy explained with a sly wink, turning around before she could argue to check on the few barflies that still remained.

“Good luck, dude,” Jared said with a scoff, removing his arm with a knowing smirk, having heard about Joel’s previous antics from the other waitresses.

She took a deep breath, suddenly nervous to do the one thing she’d been hired to do - bring a drink to someone. Moving slowly across the concrete floor, she approached Joel’s table, setting the glass down between them. He looked up from his phone momentarily, his eyes widening briefly as he realized it was her.

“Hey sugar,” he greeted her coolly, tucking his phone into his pocket, not even bothering to finish the message he was typing, “Appreciate it,” he said, nodding to the drink, but not touching it.

“Do…you want something else?” she asked cautiously, unsure of whether he usually ordered something different. 

Joel’s gaze drifted slowly from the top of her head to her feet. She sported some black thigh high socks with little ribbons just above her knees this time. Paired with the usual black top and pleated black skirt, Joel felt his cock twitch at the sight of her. Absolutely fucking gorgeous. He was glad that the Bison was basically empty, besides the same  few old fucks who practically lived in those bartstools near the TVs. 

“Why don’t you keep me company for a bit? I’m sure Tommy won’t mind. ‘s not like you're busy, right?” he suggested, sitting a little straighter as she blinked at him with those gorgeous wide eyes. 

“I, um…o-okay,” she agreed before her nerves could talk herself out of it. 

That deep voice seasoned with his southern drawl and those mesmerizing dark eyes had her terrified and excited at the same time. Something about the older man looking at her like a hungry predator, a tall, dark-haired, gorgeous predator who she would happily lay herself out for if he wanted to feast on her dripping wet-.

“Darlin? You okay?” he asked, breaking her concentration. 

She realized she had just been standing and staring at him for longer than what was probably necessary. With a short nod and timid smile, she reached for the chair directly across from him. The slight jump of surprise when she was met with resistance had her looking down at the chair, noticing his boot hooked on one of the legs, keeping it in place.

“Why so far away, sweetheart? Gonna have to sit a lil’ closer, got bad hearing in one ear,” he explained easily, stretching his arm to pull out the chair directly to his left. 

“O-okay,” she agreed, moving quickly to take a seat, feeling awkward and exposed under his heated stare. 

Once seated, Joel brought his arm around the back of her chair. She sat straight up, not even touching the backrest, but she could still feel the heat from him radiating against her bare arms. 

“How’s your first week been? Anyone givin’ you any trouble?” he asked, spreading his legs a little wider, leaning back comfortably in his chair, his fingers silently tapping against his still-full glass. 

“It’s good, no trouble at all, actually. I’m liking it here a lot,” she said, turning to check the bar only to find Tommy and Jared watching them, whispering to each other conspiratorially. 

“Don’t mind them,” Joel spoke softly, drawing her attention back to him, “I’m glad they haven’t scared you off yet, would hate to lose a pretty thing like you,” he continued, finally lifting the drink to his lips, speaking the last part around the rim before finishing the content in one swift movement.

“R-really?” she asked softly, her cheeks feeling warm from his words, her body buzzing eagerly as she smiled bashfully.

“Really, really,” he agreed coolly, “Got the prettiest smile I’ve ever seen, darlin’,” he added, bringing his hand up to rub the pad of his thumb against her cheek, barely touching her, his eyes focussed on where their skin connected, reveling in the electric vibrations he felt with each graze of her skin.

“You tell that to all your waitresses?” she questioned with a teasing little smirk.

Joel chuckled, closing his eyes with a light shake of his head. His little kitten had some fire in her, a spark of sass barely peeking above the surface just then. It made him want to know more, to see every color of her. Dropping his hand, he brought his arm around the back of her chair again, gripping the side and suddenly pulling her closer to him. The scrape of the wood on the cement floors had the handful of occupants looking their way. He noticed her slight jump afterwards.

“Didn’t mean to scare you, sweetheart,” he said with another low chuckle, leaning closer to her, “This okay?”

“Y-yeah…this is okay,” she agreed, sounding breathless as his scent invaded her senses. 

He couldn’t help himself. Now that she was so close and he could smell her perfume mixed with her natural scent, see the goosebumps along her arm, and heard the little uptake in her breath when he leaned closer. The details were heightened even more than that first night and Joel just couldn’t get enough. 

“And to answer your question, you’re the only waitress I’m tellin’ this to,” he said, admiring the growing tint of pink on her cheeks.

Everything in his body was screaming at him to kiss her, to take her home and ravish her. He wanted to hear every little noise she could make for him, feel the goosebumps on her skin, mark her as his own. His cock was aching in his pants as she batted her lashes, looking up at him so innocently, those pouty lips begging to be kissed raw. 

Joel made the mistake of looking over her shoulder, finding Tommy staring at them. When the brothers' eyes met, Tommy arched his brow in question. Joel had never made a move on any of the waitresses before. Hell, Joel hadn’t made a move in so long, Tommy had just assumed he’d given up on things like that. Jared was also watching closely, holding a to-go box close to his chest, stuffing his face with Thai food as he watched his friend get hit on by the biggest, most dangerous crime lord this side of the Mississippi.

The lack of privacy made Joel suddenly uncomfortable. His mind and body were too aware of their surroundings when less than thirty seconds ago, he was ready to pull Indi against him and kiss her innocence away. He chooses to lean back in his seat instead, his arm still around the back of her chair but still not touching. 

“Tommy said you go to UT, must mean you’re pretty and smart,” he commented.

“Oh, I don’t know about that,” she scoffed, her blush only growing as she fidgeted in her seat, looking down at her hands.  

Joel followed her gaze, his attention drawn to her tattoo. He could now see all the finer details. It was an intricate piece of crescent moons, line art and stars. Wanting to get her to relax a little, he asked her about it. She told him a little about the design itself and why she got it. He then asked about the one on her shoulder. She turned in her seat, bringing her hair to one side as she showed him the ink on her shoulder blade. 

He could tell she wasn’t the biggest fan of talking about herself by the limited details and questions directing the focus back to him that seemed to follow her answers.

“Want something to drink? On me of course,” he offered after a lull in the conversation, finding any excuse to keep her beside him. 

“I’m technically still working,” she said, that gorgeous smile making it hard for Joel to focus on her words. 

“Well let’s change that, huh?” he suggested with a smirk, getting up from the table, heading right towards Tommy who was restocking the bar, Jared nowhere in sight. 

“Can I have my employee back, now that you’ve got her all flustered and shit?” his brother teased.

“Actually, I was gonna suggest you send ‘er home for the night,” Joel said, glancing over his shoulder to find Indi making her way over to them. 

“Who’s going to close if I send ‘er home?” Tommy questioned with a scowl, but Joel could see the amusement in his eyes. 

“Your bar, you close,” Joel shrugged, “Let her take the night, Tommy, come on,” he insisted with a scowl of his own. 

“Who’s getting sent home?” Indi asked, coming to stand beside Joel, looking so small next to his larger form. 

“Apparently you,” Tommy said with a snicker.

“Joel,” she said, looking up at him with a mixture of shock and exasperation, “you can’t just do  that…”

It was the first time she had actually said his name to him. The syllables on her lips were world-shattering for him, his name never sounding so sweet until she uttered it. He wanted to hear her say his name over and over again. He briefly wondered what she would sound like wrapped in his arms, head thrown back in pleasure…

“Joel…Joel!” Tommy snapped, snapping his fingers in front of his brother’s face. 

“Yeah, yeah, I hear you,” Joel huffed, rolling his eyes.

“Up to you, darlin’, if you want to stay, I’m closin’ up in the next couple hours anyways, wasting money keeping an empty bar open,” Tommy said to her.

Joel looked down at her, watching her expression as she contemplated the offer. The way she bit her lower lip as she considered her options had him wanting to bite her lip with his own teeth, among other places. 

“I guess I could use a night off,” she said slowly after the long silence.

Without realizing it, Joel felt his shoulders relax just a touch. She looked between the two men, like she wanted to say something else. Joel resisted the urge to reach out and touch her, pull her close, feel her body against his own, offer some sort of comfort. Tommy set two shot glasses down, pouring something clear in one before sliding it over to Indi. He opted for well whiskey in the other, taking it for himself. Joel raised his brow questioningly at his brother. 

“Oh I’m sorry, you want me to pour your drink too, princess?” Tommy asked sarcastically, rolling his eyes with a grin as he set another glass in front of Joel along with his preferred bourbon. 

“You’re cut off, asshole,” Joel huffed, easily pouring a shot for himself, feeling Indi watching their interaction with a little grin. 

“Can’t cut off the boss,” Tommy fired back, raising his glass to the two of them before downing it. 

Indi followed suit, taking her shot like a champ with minimal cringing. Joel couldn’t help but notice how cute her little scrunched up expression was as she swallowed her shot. He tipped back the contents of his own glass with ease, downing it like water, exhaling slowly through his nose as he set his glass down.

“Last I checked, I’m the boss,” he reminded his brother, “Get your stuff, darlin’, I’ll drive you home,” he added to Indi before he could consider how that might come off to her. 

She giggled, seeming less affected by his gruff directness. “Yes, sir,” she said with a playful smile, walking towards the back room to collect her things, her response stoking that fire she’d started in him when he first saw her. 

Once she was out of hearing range, Tommy couldn’t contain his laughter. He continued to snicker even as Joel glared at him. 

“Since when do you drive anyone home besides yourself?” Tommy asked.

“Watch your mouth, baby brother, I’m not in the mood to deal with you tonight,” Joel grumbled, rolling his eyes. 

“What are you even doin’ here, man? I thought you’d head straight home after gettin’ back from the border.”

“Wanted to stop by for a drink,” Joel muttered, looking down at the wooden bartop. 

“I know your liquor cabinet is stocked way better than what we got here, so cut the crap, Joel, just say you wanted t’ see ‘er,” Tommy responded, collecting the glasses and tossing them in the sink. 

“What’s it matter to you?” Joel questioned, feeling his defenses start to rise. 

“She’s a good worker, wouldn’t want to lose her because you don’t know how to ask a girl out,” he shrugged with a chortle. 

“Fuck off,” Joel fired back, ready to say more, but spotted Indi coming towards them with a bag on her shoulder. 

“What’s so funny?” she asked, noticing Tommy’s trembling shoulders as he tried to contain his snickering. 

“Nothin’, let’s go,” Joel said before his brother could open his mouth, bringing an arm around but still not touching her as he guided her towards the front door. 

“Y’all kids be safe now, y’ hear!” Tommy called after them, the echoes of his laughter following them out the door. 

Once they were outside, Joel noticed the only other car in the lot besides his truck was Tommy’s truck. Indi kept close to him as they walked towards his vehicle.

“You walk to work?” Joel asked, unlocking the truck and opening the passenger door for her. 

“Jared gave me a ride, my car’s in the shop right now,” she explained, climbing up into the seat. 

Once they were both buckled in, the truck started with a low rumble, the interior shaking momentarily from the force of the startup. She looked over at him with those eyes, that alluring gaze that suggested more than her innocent demeanor would leave others to believe. He swallowed the dryness in his throat, realizing they’re now completely alone, the dimly lit parking lot casting shadows across them as he looked her over. 

He shifted his body towards, one hand on the steering wheel, his other arm resting on the edge of the center console. In the enclosed space, her scent invaded all his senses, overwhelming his mind. 

“You know, I could hear Tommy from the break room,” she said quietly, looking down at her hands in her lap, an coy grin on her face. 

“Oh yeah?” he replied stiffly, feeling his stomach drop at her revelation, fearing Tommy’s big mouth had somehow fucked up any chance he had with getting close to her. 

“Is it true?” she asked, glancing nervously up at him.

“Is what true, sweetheart?” he asked softly, his eyes drawn to her lips as she turned her body towards him, unbuckling her seatbelt and leaning slightly on the center console towards him.

“That you came here because…you wanted to, um, see…me?” she asked hesitantly. 

He bit his lip, his eyes drifting down to her own lips, so close and so inviting. Amusement spread across her features as her lips twitched up into a small grin. Joel tried opening his mouth once, twice, three times but nothing came out. He must have looked like a damn fish, completely at a loss of words and floundering painfully. 

“If it was true?” he finally choked out, his body thrumming with nerves.

God he felt so pathetic, fucking fifty years old and stumbling over a girl like a damn teenager. She reached across the console to put her hand just above his denim-covered knee, still a bit dusty from having to shoot a guy in the middle of the desert, but she didn’t need to know that. 

“I’d be very happy if it was true,” she said softly, squeezing his leg lightly.

He huffed out a breath of relief, a nervous laugh breaking the stillness around them. Looking down at her hand on his leg, brought his own hand, much larger and rougher, over hers. She watched as he brought her hand to his lips, the edge of his mustache tickling her knuckles as he pressed his lips to her fingers. She could feel the slight tremble in his hand as he exhaled slowly.

“Joel?” she asked gently, her eyes focussed on where his lips pressed against her skin.

“Yeah, sugar?” he mumbled against her fingers, eyes closing slowly as he inhaled her scent. 

She squeezed his hand, causing him to open his eyes and realize she had inched closer, her face dangerously close to his own, her body now leaning fully over the middle console. He shuddered, feeling his heart start to beat a mile a minute, threatening to burst out of his chest. 

“Will you kiss me?” she asked, her voice barely above a whisper as she glanced between his eyes and his mouth.

“Anything you want,” he agreed before closing the space between them, both his hands coming up to hold her face.

The kiss started slow and tender. Joel couldn’t help the satisfied groan when he was able to taste her lips, a hint of vodka mixed with her coconut chapstick. She allowed him to guide her, to lead the kiss and set the pace. The more he tasted, the more he wanted, his mouth beginning to move more fervidly, his tongue tracing her lips before sliding along her own. 

When his hand moved to hold the nape of her neck, she whimpered softly, her own fingers twisted into the material of his shirt. The little noise was enough to set Joel’s desire ablaze, his other hand sliding down her arm to grip her waist. Surprisingly Joel felt much more in control of himself then he expected he would be. He hadn’t kissed someone like this in so long, but his body seemed to know exactly what to do. 

“J-Joel,” she sighed against his mouth, “fuck, Joel,” she moaned, her eyes blissfully shut, head tilted back as his mouth drifted down her jaw to her neck, the scruff of his beard scratching deliciously against her skin. 

“Like how you say m’ name, sweetheart,” he muttered into the crook of her neck, biting lightly which earned a higher pitched moan and her fingers moving to tightly grip the hair at the back of his neck.

He brought his mouth back to hers, hungry for more, more of her taste, more of her sounds, just more of her. No amount of drugs could match the high he was feeling as her nails scratched lightly along the back of his neck and her mouth on his. One of her hands drifted down his chest, her palm tracing down side and up his back. Fuck, he never enjoyed someone touching him so much. 

Just as he was about to give in and pull her over the console into his seat, she tensed. Pulling back, he realized how heavily they were both breathing, one hand holding her jaw, the other on the curve of her hip, his thumb drawing small circles into the material of her shirt, itching to lift it up enough to feel her skin. 

“W-what’s wrong, baby girl?” he asked with half-lidded eyes, feeling how stiff her body suddenly became and how she had let go of his hair.

She was looking at him with wide eyes, almost like she was frozen in place. Joel suddenly realized where her other hand had stopped, at the curve of his lower back, close enough to his belt to graze the 9mm he had forgotten was on him. She leaned away from him, bringing her hands back to herself.

“Joel…is that a gun?”

Scene 3

[starry-mist]

I feel like I should probably start a list of “what I want from season 6.”

So here goes, in no particular order, and to be added to as this show occupies my brain a probably-less-than-healthy amount of time:

• More Charah kisses, obvi

• Canon bi character(s) with bonus points if it’s Jesse

• Sarah officially moves in with Charlie

• Jesse promotion

• Donovan whump. Seriously. The man has escaped whump for five seasons. He’s way overdue.

• Charlie whump, again, obvi

• Return of some villain from a previous season with an actual vendetta (as opposed to some crap they come up with mid-season that the audience has no emotional investment in, because we’ve never met these vaguely threatening “bad guys from the past” before)

• At least one Truong family member. Seriously. I will settle for just one. As a treat. Because FFS, we met previously nonexistent siblings for two major characters in s5, we’ve met Joe’s family, CAN WE PLEASE HAVE MORE SARAH PERSONAL CONTENT I AM BEGGING.

• Something big for episode 100. Like a Charah wedding. (This is where I go on a mini-rant against heteronormative/patriarchal/whatever the word is for “they must get married and have babies” nuclear family bullshit, but then promptly contradict myself by saying that marriage does, in fact, fit each of their character arcs.)

• Okay here’s a thing I don’t want (which I guess could be another list in and of itself but whatever, my blog my rules): The whole team to have workplace romantic pairings. Seriously, I keep seeing the “omg Jesse and Karma” (no) or “Joe and Vanessa yessss” (solid maybe, but they’re not ready yet) stuff on other social media and I cringe.

Why? Because I feel like it’s a bit manufactured to just start throwing all these characters together. And why does this differ from my view of Charah? Because that slow burn was done (mostly) well, and had the time to fully develop. The “Jesse has a crush on Karma” feels forced, and Joe and Vanessa are now going to have to contend with the added dynamic of their chain of command. I do ship Joenessa, I just don’t think they’re there yet.

I’m also angling for Karma having a secret girlfriend, LET ME HAVE MY DREAMS, OKAY?

• While on the subject of Karma (I just think she’s neat) I would like much more Karma. Like regular cast member, in every episode Karma.

• I feel like I need to come up with something for Rex. Another cool adventure through the wilderness? A promotion? A well-deserved vacation?

Okay that’s it for now. I’m sure I’ll think of more.

[hexitca]

Rant about Puritan fandom culture!

Well I typed it on twitter but then I had more to say so tumblr it is!

Under read more

WARNING: Long as fuck

Here's some pics

I know I basically said the author of Heartstopper "brought it on themselves" but yea they kinda did.

You can disagree with BL/Yaoi you can hate the shipping discourse or shipping in fandom in general but you cant frame it in a "i hate [that] bc it's sinful/fetishistic and I'M ABOVE THAT BC I'M WHOLESOME AND BETTER THAN THOSE DISGUSTING SHIPPERS"

bc that's gonna bite you in the ass...as it is doing now. The fucking image of their character's google history is so tame and normal, esp in LGBTQ+ spaces! Yet they are being called a pedo? Crazy. In the end, you only hurt yourself!

I never bothered with HS bc i just wasnt interested in it but thats just my preference. It's sad to see ppl, esp young ppl, turn on a series of LGBTQ+ representation just bc of the author's past (or current? idk) stance on the BL/Yaoi or MLM or whatever genre just bc their stance wavered a bit in a simple comic image. Something that is so fucking normal also! but they will grow up and realized how limiting it is to restrict themselves just to appear pure within a group.

Yet the artists/writers/creators are traumatized by the witchhunt. I know I said the author brought it on themselves for supporting anti but damn I don't want them being accused of being a pedo! Or ANYTHING! NO ONE DESERVES THAT. I dont know anything about the author other than surface knowledge but at the end of the day, all this online shit, doesnt matter. It doesnt! Me saying that is ironic bc im typing this post up right now!

but it's something we care about! I care about fandom spaces, I care that creators are getting attack for something as mild as this even if they invited these ppl into their circle. We're human and we change our views a million times a fucking day. I could agree with one thing and disagree with it another. That's why anti discourse pisses me the hell off! It's just a bunch of bullies looking to make themselves feel better by shaming others! I don't respect that type of behavior. And I hate that they just run around saying shit like "kys" over a two characters fucking?!? It amazes me beyond words.

Fandom has never been without its discourse. But the puritan bullshit is not even fandom discourse, it's just straight up bullying and harassment. It doesnt take much to tailor your fandom spaces to your preferences, i should know ive been in fandom spaces since I was fucking 13 years old. I didn't explore nsfw/porn/anything until I wanted to when I was 18. That is MY personal experience. I never put that on anyone else BUT MYSELF. If I saw nsfw and didnt want to see it I blocked the person. Not make a fucking witch hunt out of it. You are in charge of keeping YOURSELF in check not some person who shared nsfw art/fanfic. How fucking hard is it to turn the "don't show me nsfw" toggle on??? Bc it's not about that. Y'all just wanna be mad and be above someone so why not ppl minding their own business.

And guess what? There ARE ppl who are bad and support nsfw art/writing. They fucking suck. They are outliers and deserve to be called out when they get exposed. But many times, ppl always go "see i told you all the ppl in THAT fandom were pedos/freaks/etc" hmmm sounds like when conservatives go "see...that queer person turned out to be bad, SO all queer ppl are bad" DO YOU GET IT?? It never works out with that line of thinking. You are harming innocent ppl minding their own business. You are harming yourselves when you grow the fuck up and realize that "OH actually...I am curious about sex" and have ppl who you thought were your friends eat your face. PLS wake the fuck up.

If you're an anti:

I hope you recover from that

go fuck yourself

if you're offended by me saying "go fuck yourself", pls take that as a sign to log off the internet and go touch grass. As someone who has done that many of times, it's very refreshing.

[ackackh]

well this maybe a little excessive but 🍊 🍋 🍈 🫐 🍇, if you will!

Thank you for the ask, anon! This is too long and I don’t regret it! 💕

🍊 Who’s a character you don’t write for that often, but keep meaning to write for more? (They’re so interesting! But maybe you have trouble pinning them down, or keep getting distracted by another blorbo…)

There. Are. So. Many. The first character who came to mind tho is Doc Bryan. I wrote 5k words of a fic forever ago from his POV and I loved working in that space but I also find his voice really hard to pin down. One day I will finish it and you’ll get to read all about how when you’re sad it helps to fuck a friend. (Ray)

🍋 What’s your favorite spicier trope to write?

MMMM this is a hard one because I feel like I’m still finding my voice in this area. Uh I do love writing a first-time scene tho. And first time bottoming? Yes pls. Literally it’s in both the aforementioned Doc fic (Ray) and in DOGSTAR. (Andy) I feel like the general consensus in the fandom is that Eddie bottoms, which I also like, but I’m really into the idea of Andy specifically needing to let someone take care of him. Eddie is happy to help.

🍈 Who’s your blorbo and what are some of your favorite headcanons/ideas about them that repeatedly show up in your fics? Free pass to rant about blorbo opinions.

Ray, my truest blorbo, I have put him in Blender as a 3D model and am rotating him as we speak. Of course I love the motor-mouthing, but my favorite thing about him is that he’s so fucking intelligent underneath that. Like the most perceptive motherfucker. In God Is a Bluegill, he is constantly noticing EVERYTHING, especially how other people are feeling, and that 100% informs his behavior. Boy is a sponge. And his mania is either a medication for himself or for others and either way, I do think it’s genuine, I just think he also uses it as a social tool.

Also, if I’m writing BradRay, I love to make him quietly suffer. Little queer guy from Missouri, he’s internalized the idea that he doesn’t get to have what he wants, so he doesn’t even try to attain it. So while Brad is either pining after someone else, or hung up on his ex, Ray is like, ‘I’m gonna be the best friend, I’ll be whatever you need.’ And it’s BAD FOR HIM. There are similar things going on in the Doc fic as well, Ray wanting to do whatever he can to hold his friends together, likely at his own personal risk.

Damn, I need to finish that Brad-gets-dumped-during-OIF fic.

🫐 What’s your favorite underrated thing in your fandom? (A ship that only you seem to write for, a character there’s almost no fics about, a trope that criminally hasn’t been written yet, etc.)

I’m pretty pleased with what the HBOWar fandom has to offer, we have so many talented writers who have lots of different ideas, so it’s hard to think of what I’m missing. I’d love to see more Doc Bryan POV, obviously I’m currently thinking on him a lot.

Here’s something I’ve wanted to write about because I love projecting and you can’t stop me: gimme transmasc Ray. I need a fic where his mania, his bravado, his insight into others are all things he’s developed to protect himself throughout his life. Like, I get we’d have to write around a lot of stuff with the Marines, but trans soldiers, at the very least, did/do exist in Middle East deployments, so I feel like we could suspend our disbelief a lil bit. Also foaming at the mouth for an E rated fic featuring this. For reasons. Ahem 😅

🍇 Is there a particular scene/episode/book/etc that you want to just write a million fics about, over and over? Which one?

Not to be on my AndyEddie bullshit again, but I could write over and over again about Andy and the day Eddie died. I’m visiting it way too much in DOGSTAR. But in my defense, I’m focusing a lot more on trauma in this version and in a world in which either survived, I think Eddie getting hit on the ridge would have fundamentally changed Andy. Especially, as is the case in this fic, if Andy believed Eddie was dead and not just wounded.

[dirtyoldmanhole]

real dweeby navel gazing time

i think one of the reasons i am having genuinely, so much fun with this gunter slowburn fanfic despite sitting at a literal 53k words rn and with it probably being close to 90k all said and done, is it's ... writing the ship i see myself in the most by far on both sides.

like, ever.

this shit is the rawest most honest shit i've ever written.

i've talked a little bit about how corrin's memory wipe stuff is literally a 1:1 to my anesthesia/childhood surgery/physical therapy conga line of bullshit. even aside from the helpful textual 'here's how this works from a medical event standpoint' there's the 'here's the emotional scars that it will leave because yes it is a bodily/mind violation of a sense, over and over, and jesus all of this of this stuff goes so well thematically to the straight up fantasy bullshit of nohr with the underpinning of being hyper-aware to the themes of "power" "use" "what it takes to survive by emotionally dragging yourself through a minefield" etc. stuff i've been ruminating over since being conscious lol.

then my body's so whack from a physical joint perspective that there's also almost word for word conversations from gunter's side that i've had with my gf about how to navigate certian shit from a kink perspective but also like... how to maintain dignity when your body's kinda physically crapping out on you due to the march of time.... without loosing the sexytimes u know?

the concept of dignity in the face of being broken is a huge theme in this fic that gets echoed. very poignant for reasons you fates players know.

amusingly there's a scene near the end where corrin's helping him to shave after his stroke. (in one of fate's "clearly having a giggle at my expense" coincidences i've been in contact lately irl with somebody who's also gone through a stroke and man is it not easy) and it's this kind of perfect blend of she's helping him, technically, with something that could just be... god awful self loathing brainspace wise for him but it turns into this amazingly hot kink scene with some serious sizzling power exchange.

the dream, man!

there is a real thin line between being able to laugh at yourself *while* keeping that dignity to pointedly.... having to not look in the mirror some days. desire and shame being some real fucked up entangled wires too, in that sense.

the tumblr uwu approved discussions re: tricky medical/'my body is crapping out on me man and i can't hide it'/kink shit and having to be ~valid~ all the time gives me the hiiiiiveeeees man (and i'm not knocking it for other people, i know why it exists, but it sends my hackles up u feel).

and yet this fic still feels like, hot, in the fun sense.

there's enough fun whacko fantasy taboo elements in it that it doesn't feel .... oh no this ain't sexy this is Too Real, you feel, or too much like a trauma fic(tm)

there's the sexy yandere villain ossan (lol), corrin herself has one hell of a sex drive (and honestly that's yet another huge focus, that wish fufillment fantasy of this 'pure fragile princess chick that's fought over like a prize by everyone else' who gets to choose 'no i actually want the hot villain kthx'. she actually rants to him several times about being fought over and having everyone else from nohr/hoshido project all the shit on her.

(and him being all, I got you, I get it.)

he actually does!!!! that's the funniest darkest most ironic thing!! he's got that weird blend of being aware enough from a kink perspective and just 'went through enough shit' life perspective of why sometimes the most sacred, profound thing you can do for somebody is to break them when they ask for it. sometimes in the dark u just want the brain wires to go bzzt.

there is a weird as hell comraderie in the sense of facing very specific demons that only they have (which, again, hilariously, goes so well with the themes of revelation! invisible enemies/demons that only you two know about.)

and then i have like yet another essay in me about how literally every character i've RP'ed is a suspiciously similar to his whole... archetype.... like all of my RP partners have gravitated to playing the chicks in the het relationships and i've always RP'd the snarky older guy going through life snarking at shit and being a closet misanthrope (there's probably some presentation/gender-aligned stuff going there but this is already navel gazey as hell lol)

anyway

tl;dr i haz feelz

[justalilpearlie]

Sammy IRL rants abt sammike and the fandom. (not directed at any creators, keep it up sammike tumblr nation! /gen)

I wish the fandom knew more abt sammike and it wasnt always. with me forced into another existing character. like no im not the freddy bully, or the bonny bully, or the phone guy, im me.

Im henry's son. Samuel "Sammy" Emily

I sadly was an outsider to all the bullshit that went on in Hurricane agaisnt my own will. I wanted to know. I wasnt able to do anything about it. I didnt knew how Mike was doing for years. I WISH we had worked together! but that only can happen in a No One Dies timeline.

I just wish to be my own person in the fandom and not made a baby, because in some memories I was even OLDER than Charlie, and Mike was always around my same age! When I say we've known eachother our WHOLE lifes I mean it. When I first saw Michael's face I was probably under a year old. I cant remember because 1. IRL mems can be fuzzy and 2. most ppl dont remember things before age like 3 or 4, but I do know our parents were friends before we were even born, and we played together and attended each one of eachothers birthdays, we were best friends before lovers, childhood bestfriends.

When we grew up we had a fall out, because of his new friendgroup, which I'd join later on anyways (on a particular timeline. because yes i remember different contradicting timelines.), but before that I was always trying to impress him and them so I could spend time with them. When we did spend time together, at first theyd tease me for being the youngest, shortest and weakest, and he'd always go out of his way to defend me, help me when I got hurt trying to pull out some dumb trick to get their attention and a couple times even canceled hang outs with his friends when I was having some issues (wont go into detail, but wanna clarify it has nothing to do with my family, they were GREAT and whoever says Henry Emily OR his wife play favorites f u. that couldnt be more far from the truth.)

OH here's sum memories I love: Taking care of our little siblings (where theyre all fairly younger than us and we were way older than them in comparison. also no one dies au), taking them to the park, staying home with them when our parents went out on date nights, it was great honestly. we all loved staying in having ice cream in front of the TV with a fan (or more), while Fazbear and Friends was on!

Sorry yall, im going a bit loco. I uh. yeah anyways this is a sammike household, i 100% respect other ships but i dont wanna see them here, on this account, so like ik no one has yet but just in case if anyone wanted to know my opinion on other popular ships like jeremike or mike x the other bullies: sammike is better, i am 100% bias and i wont apologize. ive never been more comforted than I am by my boyfriend and seeing anything of us together. even when people get it wrong. SPECIALLY when people getting right [looking at one of my mutuals w the realest sammike takes ever] I JUST. i wont give my opinion on other michael ships, only will say "sammike for the win" and thats all.

Thanks for comming to my TED talk, sorry for the rant, it WILL happen again. most likely.

Sammike content:

[raayllum]

Before s4 came out I didn't follow anyone here (didn't know you guys existed) so I was sitting there trying to point out parallels between Callum and Viren and how wild it would be if in a canon divergence au they would forced to work together and how horrified they would be as they slowly realized shit we are alike, and maybe even a good team and all of my friends were like????? Honey, sit down, maybe to watch something else, touch grass outside?

Which, fair. BUT NOW HOWEVER I know I'm not crazy 'cause your posts are in my dash to not only say yeah, those two nerds have their similarities but to point out so much other things I wouldn't have guessed like never, so all this rant to say thanks, now I can go back on my bullshit with your beautiful gifs as cientifical proof I'm in fact so right

Hello & first off, welcome to the fandom, I hope you're having a great time!! And thank you for sending this ask in because Viren-Callum parallels are literally one of my favourite things in the entire show!!

And have been for quite a while (as this post documents, from post-S2 onwards back in Feb 2019 I've been chugging that sweet foils juice and only getting continually more fed), I always figured S4 would majorly ramp it up (just like S2 did from S1) but I am still thrilled beyond my wildest dreams that the foil dynamic is becoming this richly layered / complex / overt, y'know?

I think in terms of personality presentation Viren and Rayla are very similar as well (which I still need to do a S4 update for them whoops) but in terms of narrative weight and arcs and Viren's personality beyond his independence/paranoia? It's Callum all the way down, 100%

Like, they were already tied together as mages with Claudia's loyalty to each of them pit directly against one another (with Viren unsurprisingly winning) as well as brothers to the king (Harrow, Ezran). As Callum lets go of titles and calls Harrow Dad, Harrow insists on Viren using his title formally (which Viren already often did so) and Viren forsakes him as a brother. The plume of Harrow's funeral pyre in 1x04 going into Callum's primal stone transition shot; Viren going to the butterflies to de-corrupt himself while Callum looks at the Star primal on the cube, etc.

I've always been fond of Callum having to work with Claudia or Viren if/when the two mages come back across the moral horizon line, purely because those dynamics are so complicated and tainted, and yet they are also two people who can uniquely understand Callum's headspace and attachment to magic (or perhaps not unique understanding, but like, mirroring, haha?) I've written Callum and Claudia doing so before but idk if I've written Viren and Callum (although I have written them being on friendlier terms in "looking for a way to break in," although it's a very small part of the fic). I may have to write a canon divergence at one point where Callum is taken on as an apprentice to Viren (or Viren's old mentor Kpp'Ar even) but we shall see

Because like, they're both smart and clever and research focused, and just pragmatic enough to not be completely opposed (if they had a common goal) but Callum would have some lines he isn't willing to cross to the same capacity, which would keep Viren in check, and Viren could bring in knowledge/experience Callum doesn't have by virtue of just being so much younger. As well as primal mage (and friend of Xadians) Callum having access and knowledge of things that may surprise Viren and teach him a thing or two in addition

I think what makes me the most excited though is a couple of things stacked on top of each other, tbh

Viren's speech in 4x04, regarding, "I have always been ready to do anything to protect my family, however dangerous, however vile. In the name of love, you may perform acts so unforgivable, you can never forgive yourself" just as Callum finds a new consequence for doing dark magic way back when

We see Callum in 4x07 is later horrified of the possession mostly because "I'm afraid he'll force me to do awful things. Or hurt people I care about" (as Callum has already done, if not vile, then dangerous things to protect his loved ones, notably Ezran and Rayla)

The fact that Viren doing something awful to save Soren as a kid is now working it's way in the show (also in 4x07) of "You would be dead without Dad's magic" to be explored further in S5

Callum also having to inevitably fail to free Aaravos, with all the symbolism behind the idea ("Accidents happen" "On purpose" / "I hope it was worth it to you, putting everyone's lives in danger" / "This doesn't end well for you" / "It's the key of Aaravos, no good will come of it") that he may have more of an active hand in purposefully freeing him under coercion, also possibly in S5

Like if Callum and Ezran start being tested in s5, and Callum saves Ez at any cost (thus leaping over how Viren and Harrow failed each other bc those sweet generational parallels? Gold). Or Viren wanting to save Claudia and not wanting Aaravos to be freed, with perhaps Callum freeing Aaravos in order to save someone like Rayla but

Just having parallels with Aaravos thus far hasn't been the main reason, it seems, to have such an intense foil relationship between Viren and Callum, but there's still gotta be a bigger reason, and it really feels to me like this aspect of Viren might be why he and Callum have been so contrasted with each other

Other posts u can show ur friends if you want to:

My general Viren-Callum foils tag

A pre-S4 breakdown of all the ways they parallel each other season by season

A post-S4 breakdown of how they parallel each other with some bonus foil stuff

[fj-is-a-dumbass]

angry rant incoming, because i agree with all of this and it's FUCKED. UP. and i have my own story to add to this

(also if anyone uses anything other than they/them for me because they ASSUME, i will fucking find you and i promise you will regret it)

in my town (in australia, just fyi, and i dont live in one of the capitals), i've found (through research and word of associated personnel) that 99% of gynaes are also whatcha callit... fukin preggers doctors, obstetricitians. so, of course the pregnant people, the people with the (most likely) voluntary condition get prioritised over those of us who are sick and screwed up, and they make us wait months and in some cases YEARS. it makes me so mad, furious, violently angry. get more doctors that are gynae specifically.

dont get me wrong, pregnancy is one of the most dangerous things you can do with your body, and pregnant people deserve and need that urgent/priority care, but for FUCK SAKE. WHAT ABOUT THE REST OF US. UTERUS-HAVERS ARE NOT BABY FACTORIES.

i ended up hospitalised from a side effect of trying to manage whatever bullshit condition i have. i took the oral birth control to manage the physical, mental, and emotional pain and incredible distress of the bullshit that my body does, and it was pure relief, not having to deal with my uterus's bullshit... right up until i got bilateral pulmonary emboli. that's right, you heard me; blood clots, two for the price of once, one for each lung.

(another side effect of ocp is aggression and mood swings. i became so calm and patient and peaceful, every single person around me noticed, just to put it in perspective how much this shit helped)

the gynae the emergency docs referred me to had the nerve to get back to me MONTHS after shit hit the fan. luckily for me, i shopped around and found a gynae that does not deal with pregnant people, and i only had to wait A MONTH (when i was told it would be taken care of 'right away because i was being treated for something else and the treatment caused this')

she had a letter sent, saying that she had given me an appointment. guess. fucking. when.

january next year. (i write this in june 2024, i recieved the letter some time in march or something, i don't recall)

ONE FULL YEAR AFTER SHIT HIT THE FAN. talk about rIgHt AwAy.

i laughed that kind of angry laugh you do because you're about to lose your entire shit at someone-- i mean, what a fucked up world!

'your health is important to us--'

bull-fucking-SHIT bro, i bet that you lot could NOT care less if i, or people like me or worse-off, died while waiting and i would bet my life on it. why? because if you cared, if the system cared, none of us would be waiting this long.

it's fucked up, it really is, and i havent even MENTIONED yet, how my gp (general practitioner, idk how it works in other countries but you see your gp for everything and to get referrals to 'specialists' like gynaecologists), REFUSED TO GIVE ME A REFERRAL TO A GYNAECOLOGIST AT ALL EVEN THOUGH I WAS ASKING.

i have a round-about jumbled way of asking for things coz my brain is a mess and i get a bit nervous, but the request was unmistakable. she did not give. i did not get. (could i have avoided getting bilateral pe? MAYBE.)

i have more beef with that doctor, but that's neither here nor there.

why is it that every single doctor never understands what you, the patient, wants with their own fucking body.

why are the wait lists so long, you assholes.

fuck you all.

(to be clear, i dont blame gynaecologists and obstetricians 100%, but i blame the ones that wear both hats more, and the system even moreso because the system allocates the resources and i am DONE getting screwed in my a by it).

i'll be keeping my appointment with that other gynaecologist, (and she'll find out exactly how angry i am. civilly. somewhat.) but i just...

i have almost no respect for doctors anymore, and i lost the last of my respect after they saved my damn life. riddle me that.

people with uteruses exist, people with uteruses with problems of ANY kind exist and are far more common than allocated resources would imply, and they deserve to be seen and treated without this bullshit waiting time that does nothing but prolong pain, suffering, and risk of permenant injury or death.

stop grouping pregnant people in with the sick people, it does neither group any favours.

wishing everyone in charge of resource allocation, and those that don't listen, a very special

FUCK YOU

no clue what causes pcos. no clue what causes endometriosis. 2 year waiting lists to see a gynecologist. you'd think female bodies only started existing 50 years ago

[skinni-girls-eat-books]

Monday, January 8th, 2024!

11:32am HCI class this morning, really boring still I regret to inform everyone 😂 no tests this semester, just projects. Easy A but a real brain drain. Not letting the brain drain get to me though! Hopped out of that class (9-11am) and now I'm at Panera getting free coffee (it's chilly out!). I'm going to shoe carnival to use a $15 voucher and also other little errands today. I just realized I'm really hungry (I had 2 prebiotic sodas last night and absolutely BLEW UP this morning so I actually don't think there's anything in my stomach tbh haha). I think I should get a snack bc my stomach will pass start hurting soon. Just checking in! New semesters can be overwhelming so I'm gonna keep coming back here.

11:49am have selected bogo bacon mcdoubles for lunch with my coffee :) eating food is good for you! I am very thankful ❤️

2:34pm lol I went down a rabbit hole and I'm about to be off my phone for the rest of the day. But it's worth it bc I looked on Vividseats and found a $20 after tax ticket to see Company at the Straz tmrw. I have heard of this musical before but didn't know what it was or any of the songs. Omg I didn't the last 1.5 hrs listening to the original Broadway cast recording in my car and investigating the plot and I am very excited!! This is EXACTLY what I'm talking about I had no idea that's what I was going to do today and definitely had no idea I was going to see a Broadway show tomorrow night when I freaking woke up this morning, how do I explain to people that this literally is my hobby. Novelty and new experiences is my hobby. Learning about things is my hobby. Listening to new music is my hobby. Reading about how they are being hot and *controversial* about the gender swap in this revival of a 50+ year old play?? I find this fascinating and I am excited AF now about something I couldn't tell you one lick about this morning. This is my favorite thing to do. This is such a perfect example of my idea of a good time.

Do other people never do things like this?? It's spontaneous, but not expensive or dangerous or retarded, it's just spontaneous and interesting to me personally.

4:05pm I actually went to shoe carnival and used the coupon in their email and got a pair of yellow box sandals for $7 even! Just got home, ate a granola bar and am about to take a nap.

11:45pm I want to text him. I'm ALSO FIVE DRINKS IN LMAO. OFC I wish I had a man to fuck rn. I GOT MYSELF DINNER AND DRINKS!!!! NOW it feels like I've been wined and dined and primed to FUCK. But it's literally just me.... I wined and dined myself bc it's the first day of school, things are stressful and they're bound to be more stressful going forward. I wanted to treat myself before I get depressed AF. Is there another man/ woman here?? Fuck NO. I got ME, MYSELF and I BITCH. Dinner was a delicious pizza from king state and a cocktail and 4 shots while I watched "Hair" so yeah ofc I'm COMFORTABLE AND TURNED ON THAT'S LITERALLY ALL IT FUCKING TAKES I'M NOT DIFFICULT BY ANY FUCKING MEANS. one day there will be a man that understands, but until then it's just me, I got me, I know me better than anyone else. All the men I've met are JUST A DELUSION IN MY MIND BRO I KNOW WHAT I WANT AND I *CLEARLY* HAVE NOT MET HIM YET and that's ok,bc ..... I got ME.

Hopefully this rant has dissuaded me from texting him bc wtf he's SO FUCKED UP EVEN IF HE ACTUALLY CARED ABOUT ME HE'S UNABLE TO FUCKING DO SHIT ABOUT IT. HE'S A BUM ASS BITCH AND CAN'T MEET YOUR STANDARDS!!!!!!! YOU MEET YOUR STANDARDS WHERE YOU ARE EVERY DAMN DAY. HE FUCKED UP AND YOU DON'T HAVE TO THINK ABOUT HIM ANYMORE. LITERALLY LET HIM ROT ONG BC HIS DUMBASS PICKED A LIL BITCH OVER YOU (A STRONG ASS HO WHO DOESN'T TOLERATE BULLSHIT!!!!!). THE END OMG.

1:34am why TF am I still awake ooooorhhg I am killing myself fr.

[frogtanii]

iwaizumi was... overwhelmed, to say the least.

the past few days had been such a whirlwind of change that hajime could barely properly process, much less appropriately react to it all, so he behaved much like a zombie, saying yes when prompted, signing papers when told, and packing up what was his entire life for the past 11 months.

wow. iwaizumi collapsed on his bed as he scanned his now barren bedroom. he’d been here for almost a year and yet, all his belongings were in boxes within a couple of days.

hajime couldn’t keep the disbelieving chuckle from escaping his chest as he leaned back on his bed, dark brown eyes trained on the ceiling.

it felt like he’d spent such a large chunk of his life trapped in this house, under the foot of the woman who he thought he’d marry but in reality, he’d been in little leagues longer than he’d been in love.

iwaizumi scoffed and rolled his eyes. yeah, “in love”. it’d been about a week since his whole life started to unravel and he had hardly seen, let alone spoken to meiko throughout that entire time.

over text, she’d sworn up and down that she loved and cared about him but as she passed by him packing his things a few days ago, she’d barely spared him a second glance.

hajime wasn’t going to lie. it hurt. he’d opened his heart up to her, something he didn’t do easily, and she’d taken his trust and used it to twist him into her weapon.

he always believed he was stronger than this — he’d never forget his mother telling him so when he was younger. he had fallen and scraped his knee yet he refused to cry to keep from upsetting his mom. iwaizumi existed to live up to what his mother thought of him but here he was, completely enveloped in meiko’s shit, doing her dirty work and following her bidding like some mutt.

god, toorū was right. he really was her bitch.

“i could hear you thinking from down the hall, iwa-chan.” speak of the devil...

oikawa stood at his doorway, leaning against the frame with a posture that seemed relaxed at first glance but if you looked a little closer, you’d notice the tenseness in his shoulders and the tightness of his smile.

hajime quickly sat up on his bed before motioning for his old friend to enter. “uh, yeah,” he began, his voice cracking a little from disuse, “i have a lot to think about.”

the light haired brunette let out an understanding hum before wandering into the room, sharp observant eyes darting to look at all the empty walls. “looks like you’re all packed.”

“pretty much,” iwaizumi nodded before the room fell into an awkward silence, the two childhood friends completely avoiding one another’s eyes.

“look, i-“

“iwa-chan, i’m-“

they both paused for a moment before bursting into laughter, the sound carrying into the hall and throughout the house.

hajime wiped a few stray tears from his eyes, shaking his head at their awkwardness. “you first, shittykawa.”

toorū gasped in halfhearted mock offense before quickly sobering up, training iwaizumi with a completely serious look. “i’m sorry and before you go on some bullshit, self sacrificing rant, you’re not the only one to blame for what happened to our friendship.”

he sighed while making his way to iwaizumi’s bed, sitting down gently beside him. “i should’ve known better, okay? i shouldn’t have let my jealousy and insecurities get in between us but i guess i got swept up in the attention, yknow? meiko is actually charming when she wants to be.”

iwaizumi nodded in agreement, knowing all too well how compelling meiko could be. the room fell into a more comfortable silence as both boys escaped into their thoughts, questions about the future of their friendship flitting throughout their minds.

“oh!” oikawa was pulled out of his own head at hajime’s exclamation, his eyes moving to observe his friend dig through his pockets to procure a thick white envelope. “here. i’d like you to give this yn.”

all toorū could do was nod, his brain short circuiting at the sight of iwaizumi’s apparent kindness to the woman he tormented for so long. “uh, what’s in it?” he ventured to ask, his soft hands toying with the sealed envelope flap.

a soft chuckle came from across the bed. “don’t be so nosy toorū, just give it to her, yeah?” oikawa rolled his eyes but obliged, the bed creaking as he stood to his feet.

“so... this is it, huh?” it was like the reality of the situation was just now sinking in — they hadn’t been close in a while but iwaizumi was still his best friend and he wasn’t quite ready to let him go.

they’d been through so much together, practically growing up together and now, they’d only see each other on holidays, if even then, and then he’d never be invited to hajime’s wedding as his best man as they’d planned and he also wouldn’t be the coolest uncle/godfather of iwa’s children and—

“fuck no,” hajime scoffed with a bright grin on his face. “thought you were gonna annoy me til the end of time shittykawa. don’t tell me you’re quitting your job now.”

the hidden meaning behind iwaizumi’s words brought tears to oikawa’s eyes and before he could stop himself, he launched his body into iwa’s arms. hajime hesitated, his hands stuttering at toorū’s sides as though he’d forgotten how to hug but the feeling passed, his arms winding around his friend’s lithe waist.

“‘m gonna miss you hajime,” oikawa’s voice came out as a broken whimper, his arms tightening around his shoulders.

iwaizumi hummed instead of responding, too afraid of his voice cracking under the weight of his emotions. they stood there for a moment but the honk of the moving truck outside signaled the both of them of their limited time.

hurriedly, oikawa wiped the tears off his cheeks before waving awkwardly at iwaizumi as he left the room with a friendly, “don’t be a stranger.”

and then he was gone.

toorū finally allowed himself to collapse into sobs on his best friends empty bed, his palms pressing into his eyes as he sat there and just let himself feel.

apparently, he wasn’t crying very quietly because it took only a few moments for you to find him, your soft footsteps alerting him to your presence. oikawa scrambled to wipe away what he knew was an unattractive mixture of tears and snot as you got closer.

you were one of the last people he wanted to see him like this.

“hey,” you whispered, standing a few feet away from him. “um, i know this is probably a bad time but i just wanted to thank you for apologizing? back at the awards show?”

toorū sniffed as he looked up at you with confusion written on his face. “what? you shouldn’t thank me for apologizing. ‘s common courtesy.”

you laughed softly, nodding in agreement. “well, not always. so, thank you.” finished with your piece and not too keen on lingering where you weren’t wanted, you moved towards the door but were swiftly stopped before you got there.

“um, here. it’s from iwa-chan.” you gaped at the thick envelope oikawa was handing you before taking it and opening it, a low curse falling from your lips.

inside the package was a dense wad of cash, more money than you’d seen in months. accompanied with it was a letter, written in beautifully loopy handwriting.

you shut it quickly before oikawa could see, stuffing the envelope deep within your pocket where you could access it alone in the depths of your room.

“do you wanna come eat? last i heard, bokuto and tsumu were doing a cooking competition and i’m sure it’ll be fun to watch.” you were severely thrown off by the money and letter but you were determined to show toorū that you’d accepted his apology and were on your way to making amends.

he gave you a shy nod and trailed behind you to the kitchen, the loud sounds of fire and screaming coming from down the hall. you wanted to focus on the fun and merriment but the envelope was practically burning a hole in your pocket.

later that night, you finally got the chance to open the letter and read it, your former manager’s words bringing tears to your eyes.

dear yn,

i’m probably the last person you expected to hear from. you probably didn’t want to hear from me at all if i’m being honest and i don’t blame you. i know there is nothing i can say that could make up for what i’ve done to you but i’d like to try.

i’m sorry. those words don’t nearly express in and of themselves how truly remorseful i am but they needed to be said. there’s no excuse for how i treated you — not meiko, not my stress, absolutely nothing.

you deserved my common decency and respect and i didn’t give that to you. instead, i abused my position and made your life hell. i’ll never forgive myself for that.

uh, i bet you’re wondering what the money is? i promise i’m not trying to pay you off, it’s just all the money i’ve denied you since you moved here. i have a lot of wrongs to right and this is one of them.

sorry, i’m not very good with words but i just wanted you to know that i’m very sorry for everything that i’ve done. and i’m in no place to make demands or anything but i just wanted to ask if you’d keep an eye on oikawa for me.

he’s strong but he’s also vulnerable. he might be a pain in my ass but he’s my best friend and since i can’t keep him from drowning, i was wondering if you’d do that - not for me but for him.

anyways, this letter is shit but i suppose you get the gist. use the money for whatever you want and if you’re as unselfish as i’ve heard, you don’t owe me anything. you don’t owe me money, kindness, or forgiveness.

take care of yourself,

iwaizumi hajime

℗ poker face

so... this is it

series masterlist

(●’◡’●)ﾉ

an - soooo m back :D hopefully this is the last of my mini hiatuses!! this chapter sucked to write but i’m not mad at how it turned out?? pls let me know how i did skjdkd don’t forget to feed me <3333

taglist - if your name is in bold, i cannot tag you

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the rest of the tags will be in the replies!!

[mellowswriting]

The No-Good, Absolutely Shitty Day

Part 1 of the Quarantine AU

pairing || Frankie ‘Catfish’ Morales x Reader

summary || With the world already spinning off it’s axis in the midst of a pandemic, your life is further thrown into chaos when you find your boyfriend in bed with his ex-girlfriend. Good thing you have Frankie on your side.

word count || 1,242

warnings || infidelity, Frankie to the rescue, quarantine blues, your ex is a shitbag okay

Main Masterlist  |  Join the taglist!

Francisco Morales wasn’t a stranger to having his restraint tested. His military service was basically a decades-long plucking of his nerves, even before he joined Delta Force. Not to mention his closest friends all seemed to manage a constant level of mischief unrivaled by any other. He was used to being the only one with a lick of sense in his head, and even when everything else around him seemed to be going all to hell, Frankie managed to hold on to his self control.

Seeing you sat on his couch, trembling with mascara tracking down your cheeks was something entirely different. It didn’t annoy him like Santi and Benny’s stupid pranks or frustrate him like when his commanding officers in the Army ignored his expert advice. It enraged him. There you were in his living room, almost inconsolable for hours, all thanks to one asshole: your boyfriend. 

Well, ex-boyfriend as of a few hours ago. Not that he knew it yet.

As if having life as you knew it changed at the drop of a hat thanks to the pandemic sweeping the country wasn’t enough, you came home early that afternoon to start working from home and found the man you were supposed to be able to trust in bed with another woman. Not just any other woman, either. His ex-girlfriend, the one he had promised that you didn’t need to worry about. They were asleep when you walked in, naked and entangled with each other in the sheets of your bed, neither stirring in your presence. 

It was the shock that enabled you to leave without exploding. You showed up on Frankie’s doorstep looking hollow, as if your emotions funneled out of you and left you empty, but the moment you managed to whisper the words - ‘Eric cheated on me.’ -  the tears came. And they didn’t stop. 

In all of his life, Frankie never resorted to violence unless it was absolutely necessary, but in that moment he wanted to storm over to your apartment and take that motherfucker down. It was stupid, barbaric. He knew that, and he knew that you needed his friendship more than some alpha-male display of masculinity. Even when your crying turned into disbelieved and enraged ranting, the tears didn’t stop. Frankie listened to your anger, to the betrayal that coursed through you and lit a fire in your belly. He didn’t even need to respond, not really; he just nodded along, offering small encouragements of ‘you’re right’ and ‘you deserve better’.

It didn’t take long for you to tire yourself out. Between the ranting and the crying and the pacing back and forth in Frankie’s living room, your energy was quickly depleted and you could do nothing but collapse onto his couch with an exhausted sigh. The sight was heartbreaking and Frankie would do anything to ease even the tiniest bit of your pain. So he brought you a cloth wet with warm water and gently wiped the black smudges away from your face and set a steaming mug of hot cocoa in your hands before tucking you into his side.

“God, what am I going to do?” You mumbled against him and Frankie frowned.

“Well, you’re going to break up with him, right?” He asked hesitantly - he thought that much was obvious.

“Of course I am, it’s just… it isn’t easy.” Your words came slowly and Frankie just nodded, trying to encourage you to voice what was really worrying you. “We live together and finding a new apartment during this quarantine bullshit is going to be damn near impossible. Besides, he’ll probably kick me out once I tear him a new one.”

“You don’t have to worry about that, hermosa.” Frankie said with a shake of his head. The idea of you fretting about something as serious as housing while everything else was already going to hell made his stomach flip. “You always have bed here.”

“Frankie, I can't impose on you like that, I -”

“You think it's an imposition to help you? To have my best friend stay with me?” A small smile curved your lips at his words and Frankie couldn't help but return it as he smoothed his hand down your hair. “It’ll be like a sleepover, except this time we’re old enough to drink. Besides, I think it would be nice to have each other through this craziness, right?”

“Right.” Your voice was small, almost hopeful, the torrential mix of anger and fear in your eyes softening somewhat, and Frankie breathed a small sigh of relief. “I promise I won't tell Pope that I've stolen the ‘best friend’ title out from under him.”

Frankie chuckled as he handed you the mug where it sat on the coffee table and urged you to take a sip. If there was one thing he loved being, it was a provider. Comfort, safety, delivering an ass-whooping - whatever you needed, Frankie was all too glad to provide. In this case, it was a warm blanket, a hot beverage, and the comfort of his arm wrapped around your shoulders. “Do you want to talk about it some more?”

You shook your head. “I don’t even want to think about it.”

“Well, I have the perfect cure for that.”

A few clicks of his remote later and Brooklyn Nine-Nine came blaring across his television. He had just started it at your recommendation and was already hooked a few episodes in; it was the perfect kind of show to take one’s mind off of a no-good, absolutely shitty day. The familiarity of it had you relaxing into him even further, some of the tension easing from your shoulders, and his running commentary brought out a few of those laughs of yours that he loved. They weren’t deep, full-bodied ones that his antics often caused, but it was something at least.

Two episodes in and you were dozing off next to him. It was adorable, the way your eyes fluttered every few seconds, your head dipping back further and further the more your exhaustion washed over you. It took a lot of prompting to get you up onto your feet so he could get you settled in the guest room, but when he threatened to pick you up, you grumbled your way to your feet and meandered after him. There was no way he was going to let you sleep in those uncomfortable jeans, so Frankie brought you a pair of sweatpants and one of his shirts to change into.

“Thank you, Frankie.” You muttered as you collapsed into the soft bed, warm appreciation in those pretty eyes of yours that did funny things to his chest, and suddenly your hand wrapped around his and squeezed gently. “Seriously.”

“Of course, sweetheart.” Frankie squeezed back before he pulled the blankets up to your shoulders and it hit him - he didn’t want to leave you there alone. Blame it on how sad you were or how hard your day had been, but all he wanted to do was curl up with you and keep holding you, just like he had on the couch. Frankie quietly closed the door instead and went down the hall to his own bedroom, intent to let you get as much rest as possible instead of lurking around like a weirdo.

That night, Frankie Morales fell asleep with his forearms tucked up underneath his head, wishing instead that he had his arms wrapped around you.

[silkgonerough]

Astro Observation/Rants #3 (includes moral support for ppl with harsh aspects between their big 3)

🍰UNDERRATED ASPECT COMBO: Mercury sextile venus + mars when I tell you the amount of crazy situations I’ve talked my way out of and the amount of free things I’ve talked my way into is simply ridiculous.. The mixture of both I think gives someone a rlly nice and sweet way of talking but with a certain tact and persuasion with how their saying it if that makes sense? Which equals a real charmer in words but also someone very skilled in how to get what they want through what their saying. If you have this as well start using it to your advantage trust me it works!!!

☹️Does anyone else who has Pluto or Saturn on or aspecting the ascendant in a harsh aspect have an intense self awareness that kind of keeps them from doing certain things bc it gets to much be too much or you get too paranoid over what others will think of you?

😪Being a Sagittarius but with Saturn as my dominant/elevated planet is really not what I signed up for... I thought I was getting my fun carefree casual storyline but Saturn said it’s the struggle for me. RIP to young me who only looked at cookbook astrology and rlly thought I was doing something...

🙃Ppl who have their sun or ascendant squaring your own ascendant usually have habits or just certain things they do that tend to annoy you or make you judgemental in how they present themselves to the world and others around them. My virgo rising squares my moms sagittarius sun and I can’t take her anywhere 😕

🥵Venus square mars is so hot yet such a disaster in synastry😭 like maybe it’s because I attract relationships that tend to be as messy as something out of a Netflix original but I’m always so attracted to guys who’s venus’ square my mars... and then they open their mouths😪

📚If you know someone with mercury in an aspect to saturn compliment their intellect, writting skills or just knowledge in general!! Ppl with this aspect tend to feel insecure with being considered “smart” even if they really are! Most ppl I’ve met are able to articulate their thoughts rlly well and are like walking dictionaries almost? They way they talk when explaining definitions or concepts is also lowkey hot🥵maybe that’s just my Virgo rising talking tho...

💖Sun in any aspect to venus but especially the conjunct/trine as an aspect between two people is the official hype man aspect!! The venus person hypes the hell out of the sun person and vice versa!! Probs the loyal fan who’s always in your comment section😘I love this aspect sm tho you just love the entire being of the other person! one of my fave celebrities has her venus conjunct my sun and I am deeply in love with her🤪

😩WHEN WILL THE UNIVERSE GIVE ME ANYTHING OTHER THEN A DAMN PISCES ARIES OR LIBRA MAN ITS GETTING OLD give me my Scorpio or Capricorn man😭🙏 (except dont bc all of hell will break loose and it’ll be me invigoratingly opening the gates)

🌗If you have your sun in a harsh aspect to your moon (square or opposite) your childhood was probably not the most fun in the home life and you probably understood the harsh reality of marriage or just unhealthy relationships in general from the parents :/ the whole sun/moon inner conflict was also probs pretty prevalent and caused social issues with peers at school.. honestly such a sad aspect to have as a child bc everything’s so hard and you don’t understand why bc you don’t rlly understand yourself yet :( but once you grow into it and figure out how to balance your emotions/moon to your overall personality/sun one can become the strength where the other is weak and it creates a sort of wondrous enigma of a person and ppl can become rlly entranced in your personality! It’s called layers bitch😜

🤫Scorpio/Pluto in the 3rd house (I have both🤗) could be someone who has a lot of secretive hobbies or interests that they don’t share with a lot of ppl but may have a secret social media accounts for them👀 not the type to tell ppl if they like someone but the ppl who are close to them will catch on or honestly figure out just by asking them straight up bc once confronted we get all embarrassed and you can see it on our faces super easily! We love our mysteries, plot twist or literally anything that requires digging deeper or making theories when reading or watching something. No surface level shit here🙅‍♀️

💸Mars in 2nd house may have a shopping addiction or may be bad at saving money. They usually binge shop and are the types that went to a grocery store for more untensils and came back with a waffle maker and a bunch of baking supplies😅 stingy if you eat their food without permission... the type to freak out if they left their fave shirt at their friends house after a sleepover lol, probs has a thing for food and sex together or sex in a really luxurious place with candles and rose petals.. it’s go big or I’m going tf home with them. Have furniture in ur home their not fucking in a god damn roller rink🤣

🌟People with Mercury in Aquarius/aspecting Uranus seem to really like talking about scientific theories or futuristic concepts!! All the ones I’ve known have had really grand ideas and seem to like anything related to the mystical but also seemingly holds a lot of innovative undertones! One of my friends who has Mercury in Aquarius aspecting Neptune/Uranus has a thing for the Disney short films which honestly is like a mix of neptune and uranus in its art forms! I’ve always thought it was cute how eager she is to show me them☺️

🌊From what I’ve observed an aspect that can make someone kind of bad at confrontation or like vocalizing their feelings until it’s too late and their bursting like a freaking geyser is Pisces mars. It doesn’t rlly take a lot to have them feeling some sort of way either with or without a valid reason (this is just an observation from the ones I’ve seen I don’t want to generalize!!) but the way they get angry is like a baby’s tempter tantrum and because I’m a Sagittarius I can always see thru the bullshit and I’m like is anyone else seeing this? I think overall besides Scorpio having a water mars signs is exceptionally hard so I cut them some slack but at what cost😫

🤤Mars conjunct Jupiter people are yummy. The men and women both are so hot and the men are always exuding big dick energy and usually thats what their giving👀

🌎All my big 3 create harsh aspects to one another (sun square moon, moon opposite ascendant, ascendant square sun) I honestly don’t know how I made it this far without literally exploding from tension but to anyone with these I guess my advice would be to refrain from taking things too personally bc it’s usually never that serious we’re just already a bit insecure in ourselves and how we present ourselves to the world! Your perception of how others view you vs how they actually do are usually very different in a good way but we tend to self sabotage ourselves into acting the way we think others want us to! I think having so many conflictive yet different sides of yourself creates a very influential character. It’s kind of like living in many completely different places throughout your life. The change is always hard and you don’t always feel secure but your experience and perception on things are really unique and you can offer other ppl a whole new perspective on who they are bc you yourself are always looking through the world through conflicting yet contrasting lenses.

[aquafaith]

My lengthy, angry ACOSF rant review.

Spoilers, TW for mental, emotional, physical, and sexual abuse.

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.

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I loved ACOTAR. I still love ACOTAR. I always will love ACOTAR. But every book afterwards made me give up more and more. ACOMAF romanticized an abusive relationship and assassinated characters for the author's convenience. ACOWAR was a bunch of boring and inconsequential death scares. ACOFAS was all-round dreadful. And each book kept shitting on and pushing away Lucien for no reason.

I'd like to preface this by saying I hated Nesta too. I hated the way she treated Feyre in ACOTAR especially, and I wasn't even too excited for this book because I wasn't that keen on Nesta as a character.

Nesta's POV and her backstory changed my perspective. It does not excuse her actions. All Nesta stans can hold these characters accountable for what they do - trauma is a reason, not an excuse. I, and many others, sided with Nesta because of the way she's treated by everyone else in this book. Also, if you're going to hate Nesta for not teaching Feyre how to read and letting her hunt at fourteen, (which I did, and are very valid things to hate), AT LEAST hold Elain accountable too.

This book. This fucking book.

Shall we start with the intervention? Feyre on her little power trip thinks that her boyfriend that hates Nesta and Nesta hates back, Nesta's ex-best friend, and her possible mate who she never talks to should be at this stupid fucking intervention??? Excuse me???

Remember in ACOMAF when Feyre wouldn't shut up about how rich Rhysand is? Feyre literally has four or five houses and is always talking about how much jewelry and lingerie she can afford because Rhysand is so rich??? Well, Nesta has a few shots. So you know what Feyre does? Humiliates Nesta at this "intervention", TEARS DOWN HER HOME, and forces her to go to the Illyrian training camp.

That was the god awful premise for this book.

Did you think Elain wasn't there because she was against the "intervention"? Nope! She was packing Nesta's belongings without permission.

Remember in ACOMAF when it's made a big fucking deal that locking up a traumatised woman is extremely damaging? Well, when Nesta decides she doesn't want to be in Illyria, Feyre locks her in the House of Wind. Nesta can't fly, so her only way of leaving is down the TEN THOUSAND STEPS, that Feyre KNOWS Nesta isn't capable of climbing.

Feyre's pregnant. In ACOFAS she randomly decided that she wanted a baby to remember Rhysand by if he dies. Which doesn't make any sense because they made that stupid fucking death pact in ACOWAR. It's just SJM superimposing her pregnancy onto her early 20's protagonist. Ignoring the fact that Feyre isn't ready for a baby and Rhysand CERTAINLY isn't, and with a war just ended and another looming and so much trauma and a DEATH PACT are all such horrible circumstances to bring a child into, Feyre is already pregnant. Remember when SJM made a big deal about Fae babies being so hard to conceive, and Feyre said in ACOFAS they wouldn't have to worry for a long time because it can take years to conceive your first Fae child? Well it's been no more than 3 or 4 months and Feyre's already pregnant. Yep.

Also the birth will kill her. Because of course it will. Rhysand KNEW this, and still agreed to try for a baby.

There's no solution. Abortions don't exist for some stupid reason, and a C section would apparently kill Feyre?

(Wasn't this book supposed to be about Nessian?)

In ACOWAR, Cassian was on the battlefield with his entrails around his knees. Someone had to literally hold his guts in for him, and he's fine, but you're telling me a C section would kill Feyre?

Don't worry, this is just setting up the AWFUL ending to this book.

ACOSF amounts to Nesta being gaslit into believing her abusers are right. Her friends and family slut shame her and shame her for her lifestyle constantly. Cassian says it took him decades to work through some of his trauma, and he tried to drink and fuck it away too, but suddenly when Nesta does so it's heinous? Nesta's barely twenty five and she's expected to cope better than these ancient immortals.

Hell, didn't SJM write ACOMAF? Nobody expected Feyre to pick herself up so quickly. The IC (excluding Rhysand) respected her boundaries for the most part and understood when it was grief, trauma, and turmoil that made her angry, sad, want to be left alone, etc. But that's all forgotten here.

Amren also compares Nesta to the people in, and says she belongs in, The Court of Nightmares. You know, the murderers, abusers and rapists? This innocent woman who had a few shots and a bit of sex is on par with them, apparently!

The sex scenes.

SJM is scared to say vagina so she says sex.

She says seed to mean semen.

Apparently the word cunt turns SJM on. I just found Cassian saying that kinda cringe because I'm Bri'ish so the word cunt really isn't a big deal.

Back to the baby killing Feyre, because this is definitely what we all wanted from this book as indicated by the change in covers and format and title... Rhysand decides not to tell Feyre. He tells her friends and family, and tells them not to tell her.

SJM loves sweeping Rhysand's abuse from the first book under the rug and claiming it's always about Feyre's choice... where is that here, MAAS? WHERE IS IT?

Anyway, when Nesta rightfully decides to tell Feyre (although it is kind of out of spite), Rhysand threatens to kill Nesta.

And I believed him. With the way he treats his """mAtE tHaT hE lOvEs sO mUcH""" and all the people he's mindlessly killed before, do you really think he wouldn't kill the person who gave Feyre an inch of autonomy?

So what does Cassian do? His lover who he cares deeply about and suspects is his mate has received a death threat from tHe mOsT pOwErFuL hIgH lORd iN hIsToRy.

Cassian simply gets Nesta out of the court.

EXCUSE ME?

He doesn't breathe ONE word to Rhysand about this. This Illyrian WARRIOR who fought with his GUTS HANGING OUT didn't dare step up to the hIGh lOrD who he considers his brother and sparrs and fights with all the time?

Cassian literally does nothing.

Was it not Rhysand himself who said Mated males are dangerous? Can kill anyone who looks at their mate? Can be dangerous simply leaving the house? Rhys and Feyre both pull the Mate card to justify their bad actions on the other's behalf... and Cassian just tried to get Nesta out of the court?

Also, this High King bullshit.

I swear to fucking god, if SJM DARES to make this abusive, power-tripping, mOsT pOwErFuL hIgH lOrD eVEr, husband-insert of hers hIgH kInG, I will fight her in the street.

My beloved Lucien is in this book. Only for him to be used and shat on.

I really liked it when he calmed Cassian down with just a look though. Yes please fox man.

Helion is also in this book. Nothing to do with Lucien.

Eris is also in this book. ERIS. Lucien's eldest brother. The same one who abused him for years, but according to SJM he's slightly better, because at least he didn't agree to kill Lucien's lover. He betrayed his daddy that one time, therefore Eris is good. Y'know, the same Eris who abused Mor? Left her laying on the Autumn Court border with a nail in her womb? Well SJM is going back on her own canon to redeem yet ANOTHER abusive male, while continuing to demonize Tamlin for things he only happened to do when SJM decided the villain from the first book was sexy.

Nesta and Cassian are Mates.

Remember when Mates were supposed to be a rare and sacred thing? Now SJM dishes them out like Oprah.

I don't want these characters to be mates. I want to see them slowly fall in love. But SJM is incapable of writing that so she forces them together with the mAtInG bOnD. That's literally the only basis for most of these relationships, Feysand especially.

The only relationship where the bond would make sense is between Helion and The Lady of Autumn. Who still isn't named. But I will die on the hill that they're mates, I can feel it between them.

I wanted someone to die in this book. I predicted that it would either be Helion or Tarquin, but Tarquin isn't even in this one.

And the ending.

SJM can't write a decent climax, so she kills both Feyre and Rhysand for the second time. Yep.

The baby is being born which stupidly kills Feyre, and thankfully takes Rhysand with them.

Nesta decides to save them. Bad choice. But she decides to save them! Because she's so powerful and she ATE THE CONTENTS OF THE CAULDRON and she's CONNECTED TO THE MOTHER.

Do you know what happens.

Nesta loses her powers.

NESTA.

LOSES.

HER.

POWERS.

The powers we've hardly seen, the powers that were briefly mentioned and used ONCE in ACOWAR, then we saw like two flashes of in this book? They're GONE now. GONE SO NESTA CAN SAVE HER ABUSIVE SISTER AND ABUSIVE HUSBAND WHO ABUSES THEM BOTH.

Nesta is just an Amren now. They both fought for their powers, and had to give them up to save people who didn't deserve it. Now they're anticlimactically trapped in powerless bodies.

Also, and I can't BELIEVE I didn't originally include this - do you know what else Nesta TRADED HER POWERS FOR?

Illyrian anatomy so she can carry Cassian's baby one day.

EXCUSE ME?

I am so fucking SICK TO DEATH of the narrative that every woman needs a man and children to be happy. SJM clearly loves this because she's literally only keeping Amren and Nesta alive now to be sex objects to their partners and nothing else seeing as their POWERS WERE RIPPED AWAY FROM THEM, and now NESTA TRADED THOSE POWERS TO HAVE A BABY SHE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW SHE WANTS? Nesta does NOT strike me as a motherly type. She's the wine aunt, she and Cassian are the couple that go on holiday a lot and and babysit their nieces and nephews, but nope. Nesta HAS to have children.

The Feysand baby is called Nyx. That's just so underwhelming, you go from these huge, multiple syllable names like Amarantha and Morrigan and Lucien to Nyx? I get it's supposed to be unique but it's not even meaningful. It's just more shit-flavoured icing on the hAHa nIgHt uWu cake. I prefer Renesmée.

Nesta is wrong somehow. She says she's sorry as she's saving them. FOR WHAT? For being a little rude to Feyre as all sisters are? And rightfully hating your sister's abuser?

Oh yeah, remember in ACOWAR when Nesta took care of a comatose, starving Elain for months? Elain is randomly okay now because she takes care of her mental health the stereotypical way of baking cakes, and not drinking and fucking, which she shames Netsa for.

Remember the slut shaming, demeaning comments that the whole iNnEr cIrClE made about Nesta? They all expect apologies from her. For some reason.

Nesta has done nothing wrong. She coped with her trauma and minded her business in her own ways, and she's expected to apologise to the people who control and emotionally abuse her.

Nothing that any of these characters did to Nesta is right. Nesta wasn't okay at the end, this wasn't Nesta's healing story. This is Nesta being shamed and degraded until she submits.

Oh I can't believe I forgot to write this in my first draft of this review, do you know how Nesta "overcomes" her grief about her Father's death and her conflicting feelings about him and his life and her guilt? When she visits his grave for the first time, she takes Nyx.

NYX.

She holds NYX up to the grave and talks about how it's his grandson.

GO AWAY YOU STUPID DEMON BABY THIS IS NOT YOUR BOOK.

Speaking of, it's revealed that Nesta was abused by her mother and grandmother in this book? Something we were all looking forward to is seeing more of the Archeron's mother seeing as Feyre was so young when she died, but... nope. She gets a few vague mentions, and this newly revealed abuse is entirely glossed over. Nesta was also actively groomed by an older man at 14. But SJM glosses over this because of course she does.

Finally, the bonus chapters.

My edition came with a bonus chapter from Feyre's POV. It was pointless and I hated it.

There's another bonus chapter from Azriel's POV. Once I'd finished this book, he was one of the few characters I still harboured a shred of respect for.

Then I read his bonus chapter.

This exists to purely objectify Elain.

Whether you ship Elain with Azriel, or Lucien, or neither, this chapter is disgusting. He thinks about her coming on his tounge, and other things simply just to please him.

He then dares to suggest that "the Cauldron picked wrong" in choosing Lucien as Elain's mate?

No Azriel, SJM picked RIGHT in not giving each Archeron sister a bAt bOy.

Rhysand does the only right thing he's ever done by telling Azriel to stay away from Elain, but then he has to ruin it by clarifying that it's only so they can manipulate and use Lucien more.

Oh, and Azriel wants to kill Lucien.

Need I remind you that Lucien respects Azriel? Lucien is another victim of the Night Court's needless, baseless torment, and Azriel is no exception.

Lucien stays well out of Elain's way because she makes it clear that she's not interested in a mate, but Azriel wants to kill him simply for being her mate.

Lucien has done nothing. And I mean literally NOTHING to warrant any of this treatment. From the bAt bOyS, from Feyre, from his family, from SJM, from the deluded part of this fandom that think he's done wrong. NOTHING.

All I liked about this book was the Lucien scenes (which is a given), ((although I hated the way everyone talks about him behind his back)), Nesta's relationship with the house, Emerie and Gwyn, the evidence that Gwynriel is endgame and subsequently Elucien, and the book love. Everything else was horrible. Oh, and Nesta hates Rhysand. I love that for her, because everyone else bows at his feet.

Oh yeah, when Nesta DARES suggest that Rhysand is an "arrogant, preening asshole" which I think is a compliment, Cassian can't take Rhys' cock out of his mouth for one second, and has to get mad at her for having an opinion. Don't even get me started on Azriel in that scene.

If each book after ACOTAR made me slowly give up, this book made me give up altogether. I cannot go on to support this victim-blaming, abuse-forgiving, misogynistic series. I've given up on SJM, and the only characters I care about anyone are Lucien, Nesta, Helion, and Tarquin. I'll continue to read this series to see if SJM redeems herself, but I'll be downloading them for free. I'm not giving this piece of shit any more of my money.

I hope we don't get the Lucien book. I don't want her to slaughter my fox in the way she slaughtered LITERALLY EVERYONE ELSE.

Thanks for listening.

Edit: I put the review on Goodreads!