#I just don't find any comfort in worshipping that or trying to form a connection | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

na-ta-sh-aa · 10 months ago

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I loved every word of this chapter. It was so nice to see the domesticity between Bradley and Hades, to see them finally be calm, even if I'm afraid (and I hope with all my heart not) that their calm could end at any moment. They deserve to live a peaceful life together and be able to build a family in their home.😭🫶🏼

“But now, with Bradley, your husband, you wanted a place for the two of you. A place to raise your future family because you were done running. You'd found your place in this world.”

I love how since she met and is with Bradley Hades finally wants to try to live the life she never got to live. Marry Bradley, look for a house where they can spend their life and build their family are all evidence of how tired she is of never being able to stay in one place for too long but always having to run away and how she has finally found her place and her person in the world🥹

“You scrolled and scrolled until you found the perfect house. It was a four bedroom colonial. Two stories, fenced in backyard, and a large front porch. It had a pool, which you weren't thrilled about, but you knew Bradley would love.”

The house looks like a dream! I love how you described it in such a detailed way.

“You thought maybe completing your quest for worthiness was your purpose in life, but looking at your husband, you realize loving him is your true purpose.”

Aww this part was so sweet and beautiful. The fact that her goal for so many years has always been to complete her quest but now that she has fallen in love with Bradley the only thing that really matters to her is loving him is so wonderful🥹

“However, the two of you decide that joining the mile-high club was a better idea. You came with Bradley's hand firmly covering your mouth and his chest pressed against your back with him whispering absolutely filthy praises in your ear about how you were such a good girl for him.”

Ooh🫠

"Aren't you just the most beautiful woman. If there's one thing those Bradshaw boys can do, it's pick a beautiful wife. My goodness Bradley, she is gorgeous." Marsha compliments you.”

Aunt Marsha seems to be so sweet, I loved the way she made Hades comfortable and how she immediately made her feel like part of the family.

"Graveyards and one of the places that I can easily travel back to the Underworld. When I'm in my true goddess form, I can see the portals inside them. But when I'm in my mortal form, I can't. If I would accidentally pass through one, I don't know if I would be strong enough to make it back. But if I'm tethered to you, I have something connecting me here to the mortal world. It keeps me safe." You explain to him.”

I loved this detail so much, I think it makes their bond even stronger🥹

"Because you're the King of the Underworld. And as much as I never thought they existed, Bradley, you're my soulmate. Only soulmates can be tethered. It's how they find each other in the afterlife." You explain to him.”

They are true soulmates🥹

“Because you made me an alter the first time we made love. You said you would worship at my hips, worship me. You made me an alter, and so when we got married—"

"We married at an alter of the Gods, an alter for you." He finishes. "Exactly." You smile. "So what does that mean, Angel?" Bradley presses further. "It means they can't take you from me. Gods can't tear apart soulmates. Looks like you're stuck with me." You chuckle.”

I love it, I love it, I love it so much!!

"So they really are together. You meant it when you said that at Aunt Marsha's house?" Bradley tears up.”

"They are together and happy and still in love. I'm sure you've heard this before, but you really do look so much like your father." You say as you cup his cheek. Your thumb brushes away some of his tears.”

This part was so touching, I love that Bradley now has the certainty that his parents are together and still in love like before.

“Bradley is silent for a moment before he picks you up and spins you around and carries you out the front door and onto the porch.”

“Bradley? What are you doing?" You laugh. "I'm supposed to carry you across the threshold. It's tradition." He says with a matter of fact tone before doing just that. You break out into a fit of giggles as he sets you down and starts going through your home in earnest.

Aww I'm so excited, now they have their own house to live in🥹

“You've just come out of your huge new shower and are doing your nighttime routine when you notice a bruise from when you hit the corner of the kitchen island when making dinner, but you shake it off. As you apply some lotion, you notice the small scar on your hand from the mug you broke in Virginia.”

Why do these marks and bruises on her make me a little worried?

The chapter was literally wonderful! I loved seeing Hades meet Bradley's relatives and go to his parents' grave. I loved even more that she told him that they are true soulmates and that they are bonded forever. And then the fact that they have their own home was so perfect. But the end leaves me with some doubts. This was so so beautiful, I love their story so much🥹💗

false god

Series Warnings: Mythology!AU. Language, alcohol, drinking. Military inaccuracies. Mutual pining, unrequited love. Allusions to and full smut. Minors DNI. 18+. Individual chapter warnings will come as needed. Banner Credit @thedroneranger

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Chapter 17: Something Just Like This

Space. A place in this world to call your own. It's something you had always wanted—something you craved.

For a while, you had that here in your apartment with Hydra and Cerberus, and now Bradley. And you had loved the space you shared with them. Until she came along and contaminated it. Your home, the place that was supposed to be your safe space, had been desecrated.

Maybe that's why, when you woke up in the wee hours of the morning on Tuesday, with Bradley still fast asleep, you found yourself scrolling through real estate sights looking at houses. You hadn't lived in an actual house on earth, ever.

The thought of having one never crossed your mind. Buying a house meant staying somewhere. It was a physical representation of permanence. Something you never had before.

But now, with Bradley, your husband, you wanted a place for the two of you. A place to raise your future family because you were done running. You'd found your place in this world.

You scrolled and scrolled until you found the perfect house. It was a four bedroom colonial. Two stories, fenced in backyard, and a large front porch. It had a pool, which you weren't thrilled about, but you knew Bradley would love.

It was in a quiet neighborhood in Coronado. The house had hardwood floors throughout, and the listing said it had been newly remodeled, which was evident in the pictures.

The outside had beautiful landscaping, which complimented the lime-washed brick of the exterior. The only drawback was the price. For most, it would deter them, but for you, who'd spent over a thousand years saving and investing on earth, it was a drop in the bucket.

Before you could talk yourself out of it, you filled in your information to set up a meeting to tour the house at ten in the morning. You didn't want to tell Bradley because it's not something the two of you had talked about, but it felt so right.

So, in the morning, you told him you had some errands to run and a surprise for him when you returned.

When you came back home around two that afternoon, you were giddy with excitement. "Love, pack a bag." You announced to Bradley as you came through the door.

"For?" He asked you with a raised eyebrow.

"For Virginia Beach. I figured we might as well take advantage of this time off that we have. I know you've been wanting to go home for a bit, and I'd love to see where you grew up. So, I made a few calls, worked out a few things, and I booked us two first class tickets. Our flight leaves at five. You announce proudly as you go to your bedroom and pull out some suitcases and start packing.

"Woah, babe, slow down. What about Hyrda and Cerberus?" Bradley asks as you toss clothes at him.

"Penny agreed to pet sit for us." You tell him.

"Well, what about a place to stay? I normally stay with my aunt, but I can't just spring this on her." Bradley asks you concerned.

"Bradley, it wounds me that you don't have faith in me." You mock him as you turn around to face him for the first time. "I got us a hotel. Everything is taken care of. Now start packing!" You scold him as you return to your suitcase.

Bradley exhales, knowing that it's fruitless to argue with you. So, he relents and starts packing alongside you.

An hour and a half later, the two of you are being dropped off at the airport. You decided to Uber rather than leave either of your vehicles there.

The moment you get your bags out, a young man greets both of you. "Good evening, Mr. and Mrs. Bradshaw. I can take your things for you, and then you can follow me to the lounge."

Bradley looks a little surprised but hands your luggage over. The two of you follow the steward to the first class lounge and take a seat before getting a drink.

Bradley looks around as he settles into the plush chair with a glass of expensive scotch. "This is something else." He remarks. "Have you never flown first class?" You ask him.

"Never. When I fly commercial, I always try to upgrade to business because I'm too big to fit comfortably in economy." He shrugs his shoulders and continues to look around.

"You know, I sometimes forget that you're like, wealthy from being around so long. But then you buy me fancy watches and first-class plane tickets and I remember." Bradley chuckles.

"Bradley, Love." You lean forward in your chair. "I'm not wealthy. We are wealthy. You're my husband. For better or worse, what's mine is yours." You remind him.

"If you say so—still—it's a lot to take in." He sighs as he checks the time on his aforementioned expensive watch that you bought him.

A little while later, the two of you are on the plane tucked into your first class suite with all the bells and whistles, complete with lie-flat seats and a door.

Bradley is engrossed in finding out what all the buttons do when a flight attendant comes by with two glasses of champagne as you wait for take off.

"We didn't order these." Bradley says, but you pat his shoulder and chuckle. "They are complimentary. Perks of first class." You smile at him before grabbing the glasses and toasting. Minutes later, a dinner menu appears, and Bradley marvels at all of the choices, unable to decide.

You lean back in your chair and watch him over the rim of your glass. He's like a kid in a candy store. It warms your heart that you are able to give him all of this. You thought maybe completing your quest for worthiness was your purpose in life, but looking at your husband, you realize loving him is your true purpose.

The roughly six hour flight goes smoothly. After dinner, your suite is converted to a bed so you and Bradley can get some sleep. However, the two of you decide that joining the mile-high club was a better idea. You came with Bradley's hand firmly covering your mouth and his chest pressed against your back with him whispering absolutely filthy praises in your ear about how you were such a good girl for him.

By the time the two of you made it to your hotel late that evening, you were both thoroughly exhausted. You took a quick shower together before curling up to get some much needed sleep before meeting his family tomorrow.

....................

You woke up the next day extremely nervous.

Today, you would meet Carole's sister, Bradley's Aunt Marsha, her husband Tom, and their three children.

While the two of you were getting dressed, Bradley could sense that you were worried. The entire drive there in your rental car, he assured you that they would love you, and everything would be fine.

You felt nauseous as he pulled into their driveway. His aunt and uncle had a lovely home, and Bradley told you that they were great people, but this was all new to you.

You held his hand tightly as you climbed the couple of steps that led to the front door. Bradley rang the doorbell, and the two of you patiently waited for someone to answer. He gave your hand a reassuring squeeze just before the door opened, and a lovely middle-aged woman with short blonde hair opened the door.

"Oh my goodness! Bradley! What are you doing here?!" The woman, who you knew had to be his aunt because she looked just like Carole, exclaimed as she pulled him in for a hug before cupping his face. She hadn't noticed you yet.

"Hey, Aunt Marsha! I had a few days off, so I thought I would fly out here and surprise you. I also wanted to introduce you to someone." Bradley said as you pulled you closer to him. "Y/N, this is my Aunt Marsha. Aunt Marsha, this is Y/N, my wife." Bradley smiled.

Bradley's aunt stood there silently for a moment before a wide grin spread across her face. You turned her head over her shoulder and called into her home. "Tom, Conner, Alyssa, Maddie, meet me in the living room. Bradley is here, and he brought his wife!"

Marsha ushers the two of you inside and directs you to her living room, where you sit down on the sofa.

"Marsha, what are you going on about?" And older gentleman, whom you assume is her husband, comes into room holding a cup of coffee before stopping in his tracks when he spies you and Bradley sitting on couch. You aren't sure what to do, so you shyly wave at him. He opens his mouth to speak, but before he can say anything, Bradley's cousin burst into the room. "Mom, what do you mean Bradley brought his—" a tall boy who has blonde curls similar to Bradley's stops short when he sees the two of you. "—Wife." He finishes in a choked tone. The two girls stand there silently, each mirroring their father's shocked expression with wide eyes and mouthed slightly agape.

Marsha stands up and scolds her husband and children. "Don't just stand there, introduce yourselves!"

All at once, the four of them move toward you. You and Bradley both stand up, and you shake hands with his Uncle Tom and his cousins Conner, Alyssa, and Maddie. You a sit back down, and there is an awkward silence in the room.

"Well, Y/N, tell us about yourself, honey." Bradley's aunt breaks the silence as she brings in cups of coffee for all of you. You take the mug and take a deep breath.

"Well, I'm a pilot like Bradley is, I'm originally from North Carolina. I'm thrity-one. I'm Greek. I have a dog and a cat, my rank is Commander, I graduated from the Naval Academy, and my parents passed away when I was nineteen. Oh, and my call sign is Hades." You say, telling them what you'd practiced on the drive over here.

"Oh, honey, I'm sorry to hear about your folks." Marsha says. "It's fine, Mrs. Edwards." You shrug your shoulders. Bradley's aunt shakes her head.

"Mrs. Edwards is my mother in law. I'm Marsha or Aunt Marsha, whichever you prefer. We are family now." She smiles at you coming to sit by you on the couch and resting her hands over yours.

"Aren't you just the most beautiful woman. If there's one thing those Bradshaw boys can do, it's pick a beautiful wife. My goodness Bradley, she is gorgeous." Marsha compliments you. "Thank you." You smile back at her. "And she went to the Academy and is a Commander. That means she outrank you, doesn't it?" Marsha asks him.

"She sure does." Bradley chuckles. "Beautiful and smart. No wonder you couldn't stop talking about her when you came out to Maddie's graduation!" Marsha laughs, and Bradley blushes. You turn to him a quirk an eyebrow.

"Oh, honey, you should have heard him. He wouldn't stop talking about you!" Aunt Marsha says. "So, tell me the story, how did you two meet and all that jazz?" She asks you.

"Bradley was assigned to be my wingman, and we became friends and found out by accident that we were neighbors. We kind of danced around the fact that we liked each other for a while until Bradley asked me out on a date on my birthday. We went out the next day. Dinner and the boardwalk amusement park. He won me a stuffed shark!" You cheer as you tell them.

"Then Bradley got hurt, and I convinced him to move in with me, and last week, he proposed, and we eloped on the beach." You say, leaving out some of the more supernatural details before showing her your ring.

"This was your mother's ring, wasn't it?" Marsha asks with a few tears in her eyes. "Yes, yes, it was." Bradley says to her.

"She and Nick would have loved you." Marsha smiles at you. "You know, I never met two people who were more perfect for each other than my sister and Goose. You know he proposed after four dates. I guess when you know you know. I know Carole never loved anyone else after him. I hope they found each other in the afterlife and are happy together." Marsha sighs.

"They are." You sigh, and she looks at you confused. "I mean—I'm sure they are. Bradley has told me so much about them." You recover quickly. Marsha sighs before getting up to take your coffee cups. You offer to help her and follow her dutifully into the kitchen. You set the mugs down on the counter and turn to ask Marsha if she'd like help washing them.

But as you turn, your elbow catches the handle of one, and it crashes to the floor, shattering into a million pieces. "Oh no! I'm so sorry! Let me clean it up!" You drop to your knees to grab the broken fragments of ceramic. A sharp piece catches your index finger and you wince, drawing back at the pain.

You bring your finger up to examine yourself and notice the fresh, crimson blood leaking out of the cut. Your eyes go wide with shock. This isn't supposed to happen.

"Are you okay, dear? Here, let me get the broom." Marsha says as she scoops you to your feet and sweeps up the mess. "I'm so sorry." You say to her again.

"Oh, honey, don't you worry. There's a hundred more where that came from. Do you need a bandage? Come over to the sink and grab a stool, I'll clean you up." She says.

"I'm fine." You assure her as you wash the blood from your hands.

Hours later, you and Bradley's family, well, your family now, are gathered around the dining room tabled eating. The cut and dropped mug from earlier long forgotten.

The atmosphere is warm and welcoming and it's nice to sit down and have a family dinner where everyone wants you around.

It's nice to have a real family.

That night, when the two of you leave, Marsha and Tom insist that they have enough room for the two of you to sleep over, but Bradley tells them you already have a hotel room. His aunt makes you promise to come over again before you leave so she can show you some photo albums of Bradley through the years. When you return the next day, you spend hours flipping through them with her. Bradley blushes every time Marsha shows you one that he deems embarrassing, but you love every minute of it.

The two of you spend the next few days exploring. The day before you're set to leave, Bradley takes you to the graveyard where his parents are buried.

As you drive into the cemetery in your rented car, you hold tight to Bradley's hand. Afraid of what might happen if you don't.

He drives up a hill and stops at the top, pulling the car over to the shoulder and shutting off the engine. You both unbuckle, but you reach for his arm before exiting. "Bradley, wait," you say, catching him by the elbow.

"What's wrong, Angel?" He asks you with a soft expression. "I just—I just need to do something before we go out there. C'mere." You say to him as you pull him closer.

You lean over the console of the rental car and thread your fingers through the hair at the nape of Bradley's neck before pressing your foreheads together. You close your eyes and take a few deep breaths hoping that your idea works.

You break apart and look down, and a smile graces your features as you see what you were hoping to see.

"What was that about?" Bradley questions you. "I was seeing if we were tethered." You tell him. He cocks an eyebrow, still unsure.

"How do you know we are tethered?" Bradley asks. "Look at your ring. You should be able to see it." Bradley looks down, and there's a gold string running between the two of you. "Holy shit." He breathes out. "How—how is that possible? How can I see this?"

"But, but I thought you said we couldn't be soulmates. That our marriage could never be real?" Bradley shakes his head.

"Ancient laws are tricky. But I think you made it real, Bradley." You say as the pieces fall into place in your mind. "How?" He retorts.

"Because you made me an alter the first time we made love. You said you would worship at my hips, worship me. You made me an alter, and so when we got married—"

Bradley smiles and kisses you before stepping out of the vehicle and coming to open your door. You slip your hand in his as the two of you walk to the headstone that marks his parent's resting place.

The two of you walk up, and Bradley introduces you as if they were actually standing in front of you. He starts talking about you to them, and you can't fight the tears that slip down your cheek at his one-sided conversation.

It's moving to watch him talk about your love and your marriage to his parents. He does it in such an enthusiastic manner that it makes your heart swell. Bradley wraps an arm around you and pulls you close after a few minutes and the two of you bask in the silence.

"I've met them." You say after a few long minutes. "What?" Bradley whispers as he looks down at you.

"I've met them. In the Underworld. The day your mother passed. I was in the Underworld trying to figure out a way to stay. She walked into Paradise asking about "her Goose." I thought she was talking about a pet until she explained that Goose was he husband's call sign. I got to see them reunite. It was— beautiful." You say to him.

"So they really are together. You meant it when you said that at Aunt Marsha's house?" Bradley tears up.

"I'm sorry I never told you before." You apologize. "It's okay. I understand why you didn't." Bradley says as he places his hand over yours. "I'm also sorry that I can't take you there to see them. If I was stronger—if I had my full powers—I could." You sigh, angry at yourself.

"It's okay, Angel. I know you could if you would." He whispers before kissing your forehead and pulling you in for a hug. The two of you stand there for a moment before you ask Bradley the question that's been on your mind. "Bradley, where do you want to be buried?"

He pulls back and thinks for a moment. "I never really thought about it. I always figured I'd either burn in, and their wouldn't be anything left of me or that I'd die alone and get boxed up and put in some military graveyard. But I think— I think I'd like to be buried here, with my parents. I'd like to have this view forever." He says as the two of you watch the hues of red and orange paint the evening sky.

"I think I can make sure that happens. Right here is going to be the perfect spot to spend eternity with you." You say. Bradley shakes his head. He doesn't say it, but he knows that he's going to die before you. But you've already promised him that you won't let him go without you. He just hopes you're both old and have lived a full life with that happens.

The two of you say goodbye to Goose and Carole with a promise to visit again soon before leaving.

Your flight home the next day is uneventful.

It's mid afternoon by the time you make it back. The two of you Uber back to your apartment before going to pick up Cerby and Hydra from Mav and Penny. You insist on driving to go get them. Bradley makes a fuss about it but ultimately gives in and hands you your keys.

"Angel, this isn't the way to Mav and Penny's." Bradley remarks as you make a turn. "I know." You hum back. You drive for a few more minutes before you pull into your final destination.

"Honey, who's house is this?" Bradley asks you as you pull in the driveway. "It's for sale. Let's go take a look." You say before hoping out of the car and bounding up the steps to the front door.

"Angel—baby—Hades, wait! We can't just go in a house that's for sale. We don't know if someone might be here!" Bradley scolds you as he follows you up the steps.

"No one is home, and we can go in if we have the key." You reply as you hold up the shiny piece of metal before unlocking the door. "How did you get that?" Bradley interrogates you as you step inside. "I have my ways." You laugh. "C'mon, Bradley, look around with me. Don't be such a kill joy." You tease him as you begin to flit throughout the space.

The bay windows along the back wall let in tons of natural like, and the floor plan is open concept with the kitchen, living room, and dining room flowing into one another. Gorgeous amber colored hardwoods run throughout the house and there is a fireplace along one wall.

The kitchen has beautiful light grey cabinets with white counter tops, and all the appliances are stainless steel. Bradley follows you up the stairs as he takes in all of the bedrooms before you lead him downstairs to the back patio and outdoor kitchen and the pool.

"Isn't this place amazing, Love?" You say to him with starry eyes.

"It's great, but—"He says hesitantly. "But what?" You ask him as you wrap your arms around his middle. "This is an expensive neighborhood and I know that you have money—"

"We have money." You correct him.

"We have money." He sighs. "But I don't want to spend so much of it. You earned that, and it's not fair."

You chuckle. "Bradley, I can't take it with me. And I've never had a reason to have a house until now. I mean, think about it. The yard would be perfect for Cerby and later on some kids. I mean, this would be the perfect home to raise our family in. You could teach them to swim in that pool while I make snacks in the outdoor kitchen. We could have our friends over. Heck, your aunt and uncle and cousins could come visit us. This place would be the perfect home for us!" You try to reason with him.

"I guess you're right. A place like this would be perfect for us to have a family. I guess we could talk to a realtor." Bradley laughs as the thought of you standing in the kitchen round and pregnant with his child while a toddler is running around the back yard with him creeps into his mind.

"We don't have to talk to a realtor, Bradley." You tell him. "I'm pretty sure we do, honey." Bradley chuckles.

"I'm pretty sure we don't. When we pulled up, you asked me whose house this was. Well, it's our house, Bradley. Welcome home." You say as you take a step back and dangle a key in front of him.

"You—you bought us a house? When? How?" He stammers, taking in your words. "The morning we left for Virginia. You'd be amazed what you can get done for the right amount of money.

"So you, you own this?" Bradley sweeps his hand around.

"We own this." You smile.

Bradley is silent for a moment before he picks you up and spins you around and carries you out the front door and onto the porch.

"Bradley? What are you doing?" You laugh. "I'm supposed to carry you across the threshold. It's tradition." He says with a matter of fact tone before doing just that. You break out into a fit of giggles as he sets you down and starts going through your home in earnest.

.................

Two weeks later, the two of you are all moved in. Your furniture fills the room, your photos and decor fill the walls and shelves. Your dishes sit in the cabinets, and Hydra and Cerberus have settled in nicely.

You've just come out of your huge new shower and are doing your nighttime routine when you notice a bruise from when you hit the corner of the kitchen island when making dinner, but you shake it off. As you apply some lotion, you notice the small scar on your hand from the mug you broke in Virginia.

When you go to inspect it further, you suddenly realize just how tired you are as you let out a yawn. You don't dwell on it because Bradley is calling you to come to bed, and the idea of being wrapped up in his big strong arms is the only thing you can be bothered to think of right now.

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bloodiedrogue · 2 years ago

Note

Hello!! It is me 💿 anon coming to ask you about the playlists of your newest fic! I saw you have ones for each character and was wondering if you have specific lyrics/songs that helped you develop each character? All the playlists that are out so far and fab btw!

WARNING: LONG POST AHEAD

💿 anon, my beloved!

first off, omg thank you!! second, yes, of course there's lots of character inspo that revolves around music! i find a lot of the time my fics come from song lyrics and sort of sprout from there —prey included. the whole fic was based around these lyrics from the neighbourhood’s song of the same name:

something is off, i can't explain you know what i mean, don't you? something i saw, or something i did that made me like this could you help me?

obviously i can’t go too into detail because that’ll spoil the fic but the lyrics definitely encompass avis and loki’s relationship as a whole. in the story they both feel sort of cast aside by the people they’re meant to be closest to and because of that, find a lot of comfort in one another during moments of solitude.

for loki, i have a whole playlist of songs that remind me of him but for prey specifically one song comes to mind that i definitely lean towards when forming his psyche/how others perceive him. that song being they don’t want by electric wire hustle.

pretty much the whole song is very prey-esque but specifically the first verse i think really encapsulates the overall first impression loki gets from most of the team:

all around this town people stop and stare i can feel their eyes upon me see it in the face, there's nobody there i've felt that look before they don't want me here

moving onto avis who, despite some subtle differences is still very similar to loki. they’re both lonely and stubborn and frankly, quite broken but are also in this constant state of trying to showcase themselves as essentially perfect individuals. they force others to perceive themselves as capable of dealing with anything when really they're just these fragile little guys who want to be loved.

that being said, a lot of loki songs definitely overlap but honestly i find avis to be a bit more vengeful? basically, in the story she has this level of externalized rage that loki tends to hide away rather than release, making her overall character a bit more brash as you might be able to hear in the playlist.

overall, i'd say there are two main songs that really brought avis's character to life. the first being destruction by joywave which i think is a good example of her relationship with SHIELD and how she consistently feels threatened by it's presence.

oh my god, there's nobody who can set me right i've been sent to torch the palace down in broad daylight i wanna know who you told 'til they're all laying on the floor frozen to the core i wanna know who you told till it's nobody anymore

moving on to the second one: stuck on the puzzle by alex turner is definitely a song that connects to both loki and [redacted]. not really a spoiler but both parties are very interested in avis for different reasons. and although the lyrics are very romantic in nature i kind of feel like they apply to both relationships in their own unique ways? if that makes sense?

nobody i asked knew how he came to be the one to whom you surrendered

any man who wasn't led away into the other room stood pretending

which finally brings me to [redacted] who i've gotten a lot of inquiries about. for obvious reasons i can't tell you a whole lot about them but just know they're essentially a deity that a particular group within the fic worship.

that being said, a lot of the songs that inspired their character are mostly just vibes. not a lot of songs contain a ton of words aside from desire - slowed by hucci which is a pretty on the nose description of how [redacted]'s seen by everyone outside of their group.

i wanna breathe into your well see, i gotta hunt you i gotta bring you to my hell

and yeah, that's it! i know it's a lot read and very ramble-y, so if you took the time to read this, thank you! i had a lot of fun answering!! :)

#prey #behind the scenes #wip #loki laufeyson fan fic #loki laufeyson playlist #character playlist

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queerprayers · 2 years ago

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hi johanna, thank you so much for this blog and the effort you put into sharing God’s love through answering questions and sharing your wisdom here. your blog has brought me so much comfort and solace and I appreciate it deeply.

cw: emotional dump that may be heavy & you definitely don’t have to read, pls skip if you’re not in the headspace for it /

if you are taking prayer requests at this time, could you please pray for me? i am so terrified of going to h*ll when i die and being cut off from God’s love forever. i have awful social anxiety and don’t go to church because of this, and i am terrified that the fact i’m not in an in-person community of believers and don’t have anyone praying for me just makes it likelier for me to be cast away from His presence. i am also afraid that i’m just trying to justify not going to church with my social anxiety—like, if i truly loved God, wouldn’t i do even the most painful things to prove my love for Him? i feel like the gap between the Christian i desire to be and the person i am is endless and i don’t know how to close it. /end cw

thank you again, so much. i really appreciate you and your blog.

Beloved, you're so welcome and I'm so glad you can find some of what you need here. And thanks for the warning! You are definitely in my prayers. I know it's been a while since you sent this, but I start praying for people when I get the ask, not when I answer it, even though there's often been a gap recently!

A fear of Hell is such a reality for so many people, and it can so affect one's life. There are so many different beliefs about Hell, even among different books of the Bible. I'd encourage you to seek them out—whatever you grew up with/have been taught, and whatever you believe now, they're not the only way. I'm not trying to change what you believe, but if the fruits of a theology are fear and loneliness, it's worth examining what your faith is giving you. I always remember the words of the Sufi mystic poet Rabi'a: "O my Lord, if I worship you from fear of hell, burn me in hell. If I worship you from hope of Paradise, bar me from its gates. But if I worship you for yourself alone, grant me then the beauty of your Face." I am not condemning your fear or actions, but I always encourage people to seek further inspiration for their faith, actions, and love. Of course it's easier said than done, but try to seek out worship for the sake of communion with God, and good actions because they bring love to the world.

Personally, I don't believe God ever cuts anyone off or casts anyone away. But I do believe the opposite—that we cut God off, that we cast Them away. And when I think about a loving God's embrace after death, I can imagine repelling Them, burning in the pure light of goodness. That's Hell to me—receiving love in its truest form, and running.

I heard the term "hopeful universalist" the other day, and really connected with it. I don't know, and I can't know, what will happen when I die. And there is a certain amount of arrogance in thinking we can have any idea. But I know what I hope happens, and I know God will be there, and that has to be enough.

"Hell in Christianity," Wikipedia.

"The Campaign to Eliminate Hell," National Geographic.

"Where Did Our Ideas About Hell Originate?" Sojourners.

"How the Idea of Hell has Shaped the Way We Think," The New Yorker.

"Heaven and Hell in Christian Thought," Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy.

Christianity has a huge emphasis on the interpersonal. Jesus talked with so many, ate with his friends, and commanded us to share what we have. The disciples in Acts lived communally, and throughout Christianity, worshiping, eating, and living together have been integral parts of our religion. Even in more secluded ways of living, very rarely were people completely alone—monasteries and convents, no matter how separated from wider society, are places where people live and pray together.

All that said, you're an example of why not everything can work for every person, and communities and beliefs have to be flexible. Disabilities and differences of experience affect how people worship and live with others. The pandemic is another great example—sometimes we have to change the way we worship because of safety and comfort.

Matthew 18:20 says that where two or three are gathered in God's name, God is in the midst of them. This isn't to say that God isn't there when we pray alone, but that even two or three people create a community of love.

Opinions on whether you have to belong to a church to properly worship usually depend on one's beliefs on the Sacraments—for instance, if you believe only an ordained minister can administer Communion, for instance, then belonging to a church is extremely important. This is something to think about as you balance your beliefs and comfort levels.

Personally, I think that our religion involves loving and living with other people—you can't be a Christian alone. That said, everyone's experience is different—because of where you live, or whether your identity is accepted, or how far you can travel, or if there's a contagious disease going around, or, in your case, whether you can safely and comfortably exist around other people. Our personal situations matter, and belief and practice have to account for differences of ability/experience.

Never forget when people literally tore a hole in a roof to get to Jesus because the building wasn't accessible for a disabled person. Our faith has room for so much, and whatever community you have built/will build, online or in-person, with Christians or people of other/no faith, two or three or hundreds gathered—it is holy.

You are not cast away, and you are not cut off. I have love for you, and I'm sure there are people in your life who do, and more importantly, God does. Love is not a popularity contest—God hears one person's prayer just as much as They do a million. If I'm the only person ever to have prayed for you, God is listening. And even if you really have no one, you have God.

Something I've done a lot of work with my therapist about is this: am I knowing myself or letting myself off the hook? It sounds a lot like what you're going through—is this something that you need to just work a little harder at, or a hard line that you need to work around? I don't have the answer for you, but it is worth investigating with self-compassion. I believe you truly love God, and I also know you're struggling with fear and discomfort that you shouldn't just push through without support and coping skills. Don't jump off the deep end alone—start slow, learn your limits, and treat yourself with grace, just as God does. It might never work for you to be in a space with a lot of people, and that's okay, it's our reality.

Because of COVID, a lot of churches who didn't before have started doing livestreams or recording their services, and this has been great for lots of people who can't attend in-person for various reasons. If there's a church in your area that does that, you could participate that way—and maybe you could also use it as practice, like seeing what the space looks like and how many people usually attend, so if you end up going it will be less unfamiliar? Seeking out a smaller church if possible also might be helpful—no need for megachurches. Oh, and sometimes churches will have smaller study or prayer groups—might be another smaller way to start? And then if you end up attending a service, you'll know a couple people already. Or maybe I'm going the wrong direction—maybe you prefer melting unnoticed into a crowd. Also, if you have any people in your life who would be willing to go with you, Christian or not, that might help too.

However you figure this out, and whether or not you end up attending church, it's obvious that you care about serving God the best way you can, and the fact that you care is itself a sign of good Christian. There will always be a gap between the Christian you want to be and the one you are. There is for me, and there is for every single Christian I can think of. But the fact that you see the gap, that you recognize it, that you've thought about what kind of Christian you want to be, that you want to do better? That in itself is one of the most admirable traits I can think of. If you were a bad person, you wouldn't care, you wouldn't even see the gap. You'll never be perfect, and you may always struggle with anxiety in some form. But you're a person who cares, and that's what God asks of us, hard as it is.

You have nothing to prove. Make the best choices you can. You have time. God knows your inner thoughts, which is usually terrifying and comforting all at once. God can see your love—your job is to give it to the world in honor of Them.

Thank you for choosing me for your emotional dump, and I hope you're in a better headspace than you were when you sent this. Either way, I'm in your corner, and however your faith and relationship with community evolves, God's there with you.

<3 Johanna

#asks

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littlefireofhestia · 3 years ago

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hi! i'm sage and i was going through the "hestia devotee" tag and found a post of yours that said you were open for questions about her. i don't know how old that post is or if you're still taking questions, you can ignore this if you're not, but since i'm here i wanted to talk/ask about something.

i'm a baby witch (like the babiest of babies, almost a new born) and most of my experience is through reading and watching since i don't currently have time or resources to do any practice other than lighting incenses or candles or working with crystals. and i definitely don't know any form of divination, like tarot or pendulum, that would allow me to do actual deity work and properly communicate with them.

the thing is, i've researched deities from multiple pantheons multiple times, mostly out of curiosity, but the moment i came across a prayer to hestia my heart skipped a beat and i immediately felt a kind of comfort. it could have been nothing, but i still researched all i could about her and just. i've never felt this drawn to a deity before, much less felt a pull to actually worship one. but i feel very much that way about her.

i looked up ways to honour her and i'm genuinely shocked at how happy it's been making me. i'm finding joy in domestic activities i used to loathe, like washing the dishes or helping with house cleaning. i tried baking a cake all by myself for the first time and lit an orange candle for her while doing it. it turned out absolutely delicious, i discovered i actually really enjoy baking and even started my own cook notebook with some of my grandma's old recipes. i make a point to always tie my hair back when i'm doing something that makes me think of her or in her honour, like making tea or baking or making dinner for my family or cleaning, because i saw people talking about how she appreciates veiling but i don't know how to do it so i just tie my hair in a bun instead of putting on a scarf. and i used to hate tying my hair, but now i feel very good about it!

i've always struggled with feeling connected to religion and never really understood how that could bring peace to someone, but i haven't felt this grounded or loving towards my family and pets or in peace with myself as much as i have since i started doing things as acts of devotion to hestia.

now, on to the actual problem: i'm scared it's all in my head. i'm worried i'm not enough of a witch to worship a deity yet, since i'm still trying to learn ways of communication and can't directly ask her if she's with me. i'm scared that the little things i'm doing aren't enough and the comfort and faith i feel while doing them are my imagination and not actually her watching over me and appreciating my effort.

anyways, i'm really sorry for dumping these worries on you but i didn't see many hestia related blogs and i really needed to ask someone about this. is what i'm doing enough of a worship right now? do you have any tips on how to worship her better? thank you!

Hi Sage! I don’t know when you sent this ask so I’m sorry if it’s been a while since you sent it and my response is late. When I read this ask for the first time I nearly cried tears of joy. Before anything I do want to say that you’re doing amazing sweetie!

I’m always open to questions about Hestia.

First off, there is no prerequisite to worshipping deities. I am admittedly not a witch and worship the gods exclusively for religious reasons and not for witchcraft. I have not learned many divination methods yet (although I have used the very handy Greek Alphabet Oracle a few times) and my rituals are still relatively basic, mostly not even occurring on an altar. But I have felt Hestia. I have been in her presence. I have received dreams from other deities and signs. None of this is required to happen to believe in or worship the theoi, but I just want to assure you that beyond doing some research to figure out who you want to pray to and how to do prayer and ritual, there are no prerequisites to worship. My first prayer to Hestia was literally me throwing a scarf over my head and talking to her in the dark with a flashlight to represent a flame. No formal structure. Didn’t even know how to correctly hold my hands yet. And still she accepted me.

The vibe you get from Hestia is very much similar to my experience. I’ve been drawn to her for YEARS but didn’t know I could worship her. But she’s always felt like home and comfort and just right for me. I never ever had a reason why she was my favorite deity before becoming pagan. She just was. My connection to Hestia has been a fact for over a decade that I just didn’t know was religious until a year and a half ago. Me wondering if I could worship her is the reason why I started researching Hellenic Polytheism in the first place. She brought me to this faith and I am so thankful to her for that.

You finding joy in domestic activities you used to hate is something I’ve discovered through Hestia too, although it’s still a journey I’m early on due to depression and physical disability and having a lot of work to do on figuring out how to make things accessible for me. I’m excited to go further for and with Hestia.

I understand the thought about it being all in your head. I had those thoughts early in my practice too. Basically, belief is a process. It takes time to switch from whatever religious thought (or lack thereof) that you grew up with to polytheism and worshipping a variety of deities or even just one deity, and from there to truly believing in them. I’ve been practicing for a year and a half and it probably took me at least nine months to truly feel secure in my faith in the theoi. Research, pray, do ritual, devote acts to the gods, think about the gods, notice the influence of the theoi in your daily life, and gradually that belief will solidify. You may or may not receive signs, which may or may not speed this process up. I promise, if you want to believe in the gods, in Hestia, it just takes time.

Also on feeling that you aren’t doing enough, the video at the bottom of this post (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=odhRRYqQo8Y) might help. And I promise: you are doing enough, you are enough, just as you are.

Now as for worship tips. You are honestly doing great so far. Thinking of her while doing household chores and tasks or dedicating those tasks for her is a great way to worship her. I’d also recommend checking out her Homeric and Orphic hymns, one translation of which can be found here, and a copy of the Homeric hymns can likely be found at a local bookstore or definitely through online ordering. The Homeric hymns can also start to teach you some stuff about prayer structure, but prayer doesn’t have to be formal. Sometimes I just sit and talk to Hestia, or to any of my other deities. Tell them about my day, thank them for things in my life or the world, and sometimes asking them for things (although I find that I ask for aid much more rarely than when I prayed as the Catholic I was raised to be). I also have perpetually in progress playlists I have made for my deities, and if I want to spend some non-ritual time just focusing on a deity I’ll put on their playlist and read something religious or talk in religious discords. I actually had my most profound spiritual experience with Hestia while doing this.

Last but not least, worshipping Hestia, or any other deity, is something you have your whole life ahead of you to do. Take it at your own pace. Faith is all about the journey. The destination is irrelevant. There is no deadline or leveling up system, no authority checking your progress. As I have experienced time and time again, the gods will very much meet you where you are. A few months ago I was in a deep depression and did not do any ritual for several months. When I finally did a ritual again, I felt Hestia’s warm hand on my shoulder, as if to say “I miss you, welcome home”. I promise, Hestia will always welcome you home.

youtube

P.S. I know this ask is anonymous but Sage, feel free to message me with any additional questions about Hestia or worshipping deities in general. I’m here if you need any more help.

#hestia devotee #hestia worship #hellenic polytheism #hellenic pagan

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karmelek-writes · 3 years ago

Text

comfort zone I part 3

Harrison Osterfield x fem!reader, Tom Holland x fem!reader

Synopsis: What do you do when you love them but want someone else?

Word count: 4,5k

Warnings: angst, swearing, suggestive comments, mentions of sex, smut, adult themes

A/N: Hey guys! This is part three of the "comfort zone". I wanted to thank you all again for supporting me and commenting, reblogging, and liking the series! Also, sorry for the delay. The next part will come out on Friday, as usual. Let me know what you think of this part! (sorry for any mistakes, English is not my native language plus this part wasn't proofreaded)

Love, W 🖤

When you entered Tom's bedroom you immediately felt your tensed body softening as the smell of Tom intoxicated your senses. There wasn't another place on this earth you felt more comfortable in than his room. It wasn't big but the cream-painted walls and huge mirror in the middle made it seem vaster. There wasn't much furniture, just all the necessities, but you had to admit that Tom had been keeping his room clean and fresh. It was typical, yet lego Death Star set and spiderman figures arranged neatly on a bedside table screamed Tom. You kept teasing him about this but in reality, you found it endearing. The souvenirs he brought home from the places he had visited were dusting on the shelf, reminding him of good old days having fun on set and hanging out with the cast after work. What always got your attention was his cartoon figure leaning on the wall next to his bed. He got it for his birthday after landing the role of spiderman as a joke from Harrison, his brothers, and you. Even when Tom was younger everyone knew he was born to act. His family and friends would tease him about it calling him a movie star which always made him fuss around. When he finally made it to Hollywood, you all knew what you had to do. You told him that you all had a surprise purposely hyping it up. Judging by his reaction you expected him to throw it out but he kept it. At times Tom was a nerd but it made you like him even more because despite becoming a literal movie star, he never stopped being this little cute boy who still slept in spiderman pj's he was gifted on his 19th birthday.

The cartoon figure was what you were looking at when Tom cleared his throat and locked the door. The action made you turn around to glance at him with confusion written all over your face. His focused gaze and sudden shift of behaviour confirmed your suspicion that it was going to be a serious conversation.

"So… Are we going to talk about what happened?" Tom's nervous voice rang in your ears making your heart rate speed up. You knew that was the moment you had to confront him about your feelings. “Because for the last couple of days I’ve been thinking about everything. I would hate to leave like that.”

“I know,” you sighed mentally preparing yourself to recite the speech you’ve created in your mind in advance. “Look, ever since I met you I feel like my life has gotten better. I never thought I would have such an amazing person in my life,” in the corner of your eye you saw Tom smiling excitedly at your compliment. His honey-brown eyes were sparkling and you had to stop yourself from hugging him and running your hand through his messy curls. “What happened between us was sudden and I’ve said it already, I don’t regret it. Actually, I’m quite happy with how things turned out,” you chucked at the end hoping it would relieve the stress and hesitation in your voice. Your words were all that brunette needed to confirm that you wanted him as much as he wanted you. In the room illuminated by the moonlight, Tom’s silhouette moved closer to you. Having approached you, he touched your exposed arm and traced his fingers up so gently as if he was scared he would break you if he pushed harder. His hand on your body caused shivers to appear and a slight flush crept into your cheeks. You hated and loved the contact silently hoping he would give you more. It seemed like your thoughts were heard as Tom slowly but confidently started to walk you backwards until you fell on his unmade bed. He leaned as close as he could, placing both arms on the sides of your head making it impossible for you to escape.

"I don't want to leave you here," he fussed, highly aware that the next few weeks were going to be hell without you lulling him to sleep, inquisitively going on and on about your day. Resisting the urge to pout you tried to overcome the feeling of sadness slowly accumulating in your chest.

"And I don't want you to leave," a deep sigh escaped your lips, pushing back the thought of him flying away the following day. "But we are here now, so what are you going to do about it?" you extended your arm to grasp Tom's messy curls, daring him to cross the boundary unconsciously set up the moment you've become friends to dive in the pleasure. Tom didn't give you a verbal answer, but knowing that actions speak louder than words, he lowered himself to place a soft kiss on the crook of your neck. The cracked lips caused a wave of shivers to run down your spine, your stomach dropping as you felt sudden wetness between your legs. Mixed with the wet marks left by Tom's tongue, the sensation made your eyes shut, spots emerging in front of them. All your senses were keen, escalating the intensity of the experience.

Tom was determined to work you up as he unhurriedly worshiped your body. A deep moan followed by a throaty “fuck” were the sounds at which you opened your eyes. Your longing stare met Tom’s one and you could swear right then, right there you had never seen a more mesmerising sight. Brunette’s once soft strands now had stuck to his forehead glistening from the sweat. His usually pale cheeks were now painted deep pink - a result of his unholy thoughts combined with the sight of your perfectly shaped body. Eyes dark with desire, hungry to capture every inch of your figure. You noticed beads of sweat dripping on your already wet chest, your shirt clinging to your torso enhancing curves you’d work so hard on at the gym. Lifting yourself on your elbows you signed to Tom to help you strip. You weren’t a self-conscious person, nor were you hesitant to show your figure, but you didn’t like to preen yourself on it. However, you felt the rush of confidence wash over as you caught Tom lustful ogling and wanted to take control of the situation. Shifting from underneath you poked Tom’s chest and pushed him to lay down. Foggy mind and the burn you’d felt on the skin still were dislimning your senses causing you to clumsily collapse at the top of Tom in your attempt to straddle him. Silent ouchs followed by a breathy laugh falling from the boy’s lips made your heart clunch in embarrassment. Much to your surprise, he kissed you as if he wanted to assure you that he didn’t find your awkwardness unnerving. In the few seconds of your make-out session, you recomposed yourself and broke the kiss wanting more as the throbbing between your legs became unbearable.

In the heat of a moment, you took off your bra leaving your breasts exposed for Tom to admire. You didn’t miss how his pupils dilated and his mouth went dry just by gaping at you. This fueled up your nerve leaving no place for doubt and hesitation in your mind. Shamelessly, you rocked your hips against his own at a slow pace. Grunts and scratchy moans could be heard, falling from Tom’s lips like prayers begging for your pleasure. With his eyes shut and fists clenched, he couldn’t look more beautiful, more vulnerable, falling into pieces for you. Finding pleasure in the position and the power you hold over him, you let yourself get lost in the bliss of his hard cock sliding through your folds, the tip teasing your sensitive clit in a steady motion. Wrapping his arm around your waist, Tom lifted himself until he was on an eye level with your chest, his mouth immediately clinging to your breasts, tongue swirling around your hardened nipple. Slowing down your pace, you cupped Tom's face and connected your lips in an aggressive kiss, teeth brushing and tongues intertwined. Fighting for dominance, Tom flipped you so that he was on top. Groaning, you brought him impossibly close leaving no space between your sweaty and hot bodies. Tom's little whimpers were more often now that he was thrusting into your hips, trying to bring himself closer to the limit. Knowing you couldn't last much longer you moved your hand to slip it into your undergarment only for Tom to stop you to do it himself. He licked his fingertips and shoved it into your panties, rubbing your clit in circles.

“That’s okay, cum for me baby,” Tom muttered, trying hard to catch his breath. Completely lost in the moment, you obeyed his command and let go of the tight knot that formed in your stomach. The sensation of Tom’s body pressing against you and his fingers playing with the heart of your femininity caused you to almost black out, starts appearing in front of your eyes. Letting out a pornographic moan, you tried to arch your back gripping the sheets so hard your skin turned white. You couldn’t tell for how long you were wiggling under your best friend’s body but it felt like hours until you were able to get back to reality.

Coming down from your high you took notice of a wet stain on Tom’s trousers. You opened your mouth to say something but he cut you off offering you some fresh clothes and a glass of water. Not thinking much, you accepted his little acts of care and walked past him to change in the bathroom.

Having closed the door, you let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding and tried to calm your racing heart. While you were getting dressed Tom was silently freaking out. He could’t believe that you went this far. It still felt like a dream to him. At that moment he hated his lifestyle, he hated his profession that required him to fly away the following morning, splitting you up in the worst time. Maybe he could convince you to go with him? No, it was crazy. You had your life here, it wouldn’t be fair to take it away.

Tom’s running thoughts were cut off by the click of the door followed by your silhouette emerging from the room with a small smile. Tom returned the gesture and nodded at the bed, silently asking if you wanted to lay down with him. Getting back on the soft mattres, you let out a sigh contemplating if you should bring up your feelings. Truthfully speaking, you didn’t know how to act and it seemed like so did Tom. He sat down at the foot of the bed, facing away from you. He was scratching the nape of his neck - a habit that always betrayed his nervosity. He then suddenly stopped and it seemed like he came to terms with himself as he turned around to look at you with tears threatening to fall from his eyes and imperceptibly bleeding lip. He had to bite it to prevent it from trembling but the pressure was hard enough to rip the fragile skin of an organ. You couldn’t read anything from the look on his face and it scared you. Not thinking much you embraced him from behind placing your forehead against the side of his face. You wanted him to feel you, to detect that you were there for him.

“I-I don’t want to l-leave,” a broken stutter left his lips, repeating the words he had used before.

“I know, but people expect you to go,” you whispered to him, slowly rocking you two from side to side to the sound of the clock tickling and driving cars coming from outside the window.

“Tell me something that will make me stay,” his words echoed in the quiet room, so desperate and calling for help. Not thinking much you blurred out the first thing that came to your mind.

“I think I’m falling in love with you and that scares me but I don’t want you to go either,” before you got a chance to register your confession, Tom wrenched himself away from you to see if you were serious. He definitely wasn’t in the mood for jokes so when he identified your stoned expression he knew you meant every single word. Suddenly, a way of regret and pity washed over him, not being sure how to tell you the truth without breaking your heart.

“I… That’s… Um…” he tried to initiate the conversation but his mind was so fogged from regret and miscomprehension.

“You don’t feel the same?” you more of stated with so much heartbreak in your voice it took everything in Tom not to lie and tell you he’s always loved you to fix his mistakes. He stopped himself from it because you deserved something better than that. On the spur of the moment, he cupped your face hoping it would help him get to you easier.

“I love you, I really do but…” he couldn’t finish the sentence. It would kill him to watch your face fall with disappointment and sorrow, let down by the only guy who promised to cherish you forever.

“You don’t have to say anything more. I understand,” pushing Tom away from you, you got up making your way to the door wishing to get away from him as soon as possible. You were hurt beyond your expectations. All of the little moments you shared, the kiss, tonight, it meant nothing. You were livid at yourself, you didn’t know for what more - being so stupid to believe that he could ever love you or that he would ever want you for something more than just an easy fuck. Fueled by the sudden anger you turned to Tom with disgust painted all over your face. “Was I just a girl you wanted to try for a day and dump? Was I just good fun for you? Did you have fun playing with me?”

“God, no! I didn’t mean it to happen! I just did and I’m sorry, okay? Just please sit down and let me explain,” you were extremely angry but you needed answers so you stayed in your place, waiting for Tom to continue. “I tried so hard to love you. It just never felt right like there was something missing and I-I don’t k-know what it is but that doesn’t mean that I don’t care about you. I do love you, can’t you see that?” you didn’t reply for a few seconds and Tom started to get nervous. “Please, say something.”

“Can you try again?” you asked in a small voice. You kept your arms around yourself feeling uncomfortable out of the blue, your black socks suddenly becoming amusing sight to look at.

“Can I try what again?” confusion was evident in Tom’s tone. He knew he was losing you and he needed to do everything to keep you by his side.

“Try to love me.” silence filled the room as you asked the unfortunate question hoping for the answer you already knew you couldn’t get. But it was worth trying, wasn’t it?

“I’m sorry but I don’t think I can,” the words were hard for Tom to get out, a lump forming in his throat.

“Okay,” was all you muttered and at that moment Tom realised he fucked up. “I should go already, it’s late and you have to catch an early plane so…” you trailed hoping that he will get a hint.

“Please, wait!” he ran up to you as you were to exit his bedroom to wrap his arms around you in one last hug before he would leave. “I will keep calling every day, I don’t care if you don’t pick up or block my number. I will always try to get to you. You’re my oxygen, I need you,” if you were in a different situation Tom’s deep sobs would make your heart ache and feel sorry for him, rushing to lighten up his mood but now you didn’t have any of those thoughts. You just felt numb at his praying, a strange feeling settling in your stomach feeling his touch.

“Please, don’t become a stranger,” Was Tom selfish? Yes, but desperate situations require desperate attempts.

Freeing yourself from the brunette's tight embrace, you looked him in the eye for the last time and left the room wishing him good luck at his new job. He didn’t try and call for you, nor did he run after you. He stared at you silently tiptoeing downstairs avoiding contact with other people. You needed to talk about everything like adults but he knew you needed time and he was willing to give you that. He just wished he wasn’t leaving.

================================================

“Okay so… do you think we have all the stuff we need?” Harrison looked at you, having put your bag in the backseat.

“Yeah, granted that you didn’t forget to bring your big ego” you tried to joke and lift the mood but you knew it didn’t work when Harrison made a face at you. Since your not-so-nice exchange with Tom, you haven’t been in a pleasant mood. You knew that what he did wasn’t cool, but that didn’t stop you from missing him. You took off your phone, glancing at it for the twentieth time in the past thirty minutes only to see that you haven’t gotten any notifications. He said he would call. You felt stupid waiting for the guy who clearly didn’t want you and didn’t even bother to talk things out with you. You must have stared at your phone for a little too long because you heard Harrison clear his throat and saw him giving you a knowing look. You only rolled your eyes and put your phone back in your pocket.

“You can’t keep doing this, you know?” the blonde tried to take up a conversation with you. He knew something was up between you and Tom. He knew when you would stop smiling at him when he cracked jokes or when you stopped mentioning Tom in your conversations, or when he noticed Tom tensing at every mention of your name. He tried to get any pieces of information from his best friend but the brunette would always say that you were busy and that it wasn’t his business. Maybe it wasn’t Harrison’s place to be noisy but he had to admit that your careless aura was making him worry. Even when you were upset you acted more lively than now. He was aware that the matter was serious, he just didn’t know how to make it better… and he wanted to make it better for you.

During the last few weeks, your relationship progressed. Since Tom was constantly working, he didn’t have much time to call or text. And even if he did it seemed as if he wanted to spend it with other people. You couldn’t make out what went wrong in your relationship but you knew it was serious when Tom stopped making any effort. You’ve never seen him acting so indifferent towards you and it scared you. However, the lack of interaction between you two brought you closer to Harrison. You almost forgot how significant part of your life he was. Despite your sour mood, you enjoyed the time spent with him. He always made you laugh and feel needed. Your banter didn’t stop but it has changed into something softer and domestic. You found out that you didn’t mind it at all. Harrison still would do little things to drive you insane like casually tracing his fingers along your neck while putting a loose strain of your hair behind your ear or lowering his hand a bit too much than necessary while hugging you but it didn’t seem so unfamiliar and strange anymore. Talking to him almost daily, you learned to be more comfortable around him. To the point where you would hold his hand sometimes and stay over at his apartment after a long session of studying. That, however, didn’t mean that you couldn’t be playful. You knew that Harrison was as invested in your little game as you were. The rules may have changed a bit but it was still on. You had no idea what it meant for your friendship but it was too intoxicating to stop. Now that Tom was not there you could let yourself fully focus on it. You loved the feeling of uncertainty and on the other hand, you wanted to see how far you could push Harrison’s buttons. You were curious how much of it he could handle and if he would snap at some point. You couldn’t help yourself but subtly torture him with your slight touches during movie nights or walking around without a bra. You liked how worked up he always got. He would try to keep it together and act classy in front of you but eventually, you would catch him checking you out. In a way, it all felt wrong but all his attention was on you and you couldn’t help but feel good having this power over him.

When you got in the car you put on some music and looked outside the window. You didn’t want to talk to Harrison about your issues, especially not your issues with Tom so you tried to ignore his questions. Harrison, on the other hand, couldn’t find a way to make you open up to him. You two talked but he also wanted to support you when you weren’t feeling like you could handle things yourself. He remembered how Tom would complain about you being too secretive, even though you’ve known each other for years. That’s how he knew he would have to work hard for you to warm up to him. But that was the effort he wanted to put in. In the blonde’s eyes, you were the most intriguing person he has ever met. You two first came across in the cafe he worked at. You used to go there for some tea every day after classes during your first year. He’s been watching you for some time before trying to talk to you. One day his colleague dared him to get your number after he caught Harrison drooling over you during his break. So he gathered the courage and shot his shot. You two talked until the end of his break. He tried to get your number but you gave him your Instagram account instead. Soon you started to text each other and became really good friends. He would ask for your number a few more times but you always rejected him telling him to work for it. Harrison laughed to himself and shook his head. Even at the beginning of your friendship, you bossed him around.

“What’s so funny?” you asked, a bit confused by his sudden outburst.

“I just remembered how you used to reject me when we first met.” he turned to give you a small smile and started the engine.

“Oh yeah… You were desperate,” you smirked at him, knowing it would cause a good reaction and you weren’t wrong. Harrison gasped, abruptly turning to face you with fake hurt painted on his face.

“I wasn’t desperate! I just saw a pretty girl and wanted to take her out on a date but you were playing hard to get so you lost your chance,” he said it so casually you thought you didn’t hear him right.

“You evidently hadn’t worked hard enough,” you shrugged as if you didn’t care but in reality, your heart rate has sped up. You hoped that Harrison couldn’t hear your shallow breath. You never knew he wanted to take you out on a date and you didn’t know how you felt about it. The thought of him liking you more than just a friend brought butterflies in your stomach to life, making your whole body shiver. Maybe he wanted to take you on a date before. That doesn’t mean he’s still into you.

“So what should I do to get you to agree to go on a date with me?” the knot in your stomach tightened as his voice dropped down an octave. Was it possible he was still interested after all this time?

“I thought I lost my chance,” trying to keep it cool you exhaled softly hoping that the blonde didn’t notice how you squirmed lightly in your seat.

“Well… It depends,” he moved a little bit closer to you catching eye contact.

“On what?” you whispered gently trying not to raise your voice in fear that you would interrupt the moment.

Harrison’s voice matched yours as he whispered “How hard you can work after,” Noticing your disgusted look, he started to laugh deeply.

“Oh God, your jokes are so poor,” you shook your head at him, not finding his joke amusing.

“Oh come on, I know you’ve been dreaming about it,” he wiggled his eyebrows at you. Maybe, just maybe you have thought of it once or twice but you’d rather die than admit it to him. "Besides my jokes aren't half as bad as yours"

“Whatever, Osterfield,” you tried to turn around and fasten your seat belt not in the mood to argue but he stopped your actions again.

“Hey look... I want you to have fun today, okay?” his voice softened as he took your hand in his and started to caress your palm. “I know we joke a lot and stuff.. But I really want to give you something to remember, a memory you would always smile at when thinking of it… or when thinking of me,” he chuckled as if he thought he was never on your mind. Oh, how wrong was he. “Just forget about everything and enjoy the moment. Can you do that for me?” you thought you would melt under his gaze. He was looking at you so lovingly with a dazzling smile that couldn’t make you disagree with him. You felt like his ocean blue eyes were piercing your soul, taking your breath away. After a moment you realised that you could look into them for hours memorising the way his pupils dilated when he was looking at you.

“A-alright, I will.” you stuttered but still smiled at him and held eye contact. You didn’t know it was possible but his grin got even bigger causing you to do the same.

“Pinky promise?”

“Pinky promise,” he smiled at you for the last time and turned around to start driving. Harrison said he planned something special for you. You didn’t know what the evening was about to bring but you knew you were screwed.

Taglist: @osterfieldshollandgirl, @tom-holland-is-spiderman-archive, @harryhollandsgirlfriend, @peachyafshawn

#tom holland story #tom holland series #tom holland x reader #tom holland imagine #tom holland #harrison osterfield x reader #harrison osterfeild imagine #harrison osterfield #harrison osterfeild x reader

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loemius · 2 years ago

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How do I pick which of the Theoi to worship? There’s so many

khaire anon! thank you for the ask! this is a very good question, and it's not an academic one that i can provide you sources for, so the answer that lies ahead is purely my own opinion. take it for what it's worth.

there are a lot of theoi, so dont feel bad about being overwhelmed. it's a eusbesia thing for me -- i cannot have relationships with all of the glorious theoi or i'd never have time for my mortal life, so i have to pick the ones that work best for me and my needs, and i just honor the rest, because i believe that the theoi deserve good things and it's unfair of me to try to have 12 different deep close relationships. people don't work that way, yknow? you've got your all time besties who you share everything with then just acquaintances. its not that you like the acquaintances any less, it's just that you either clicked better with others or didn't have time to have 12 different intimate close relationships with everyone. that's normal and id argue healthy.

historically speaking, people would usually focus on 1-3 main gods as sort of "daily, every day worship" and then just honor the rest of the theoi. for me there is a difference between worship and honoring. i worship apollo, for example, and for me, that means that he gets so much from me. daily water offerings, incense, i invite him along to enjoy the steam of every meal i eat. i have 2-3 theoi that i heavily worship and interact with regularly. i honor the rest of the theoi; i say hi or pray when relevant, especially on their festivals. on a particular important festival i might offer to them. an example of this is that i don't really worship zeus, but i honor him, so when it rains i'll say thank you, but i don't really offer him a ton because my main praxis focuses on apollo primarily. it's not that i don't like and respect him! i just have a much more personal connection to apollo.

as for choosing a theoi, honestly, i'd just say pick who calls to you but do not be afraid to change paths. the gods will not be mad at you; religion is a journey and everyones path to the gods is gonna be different. just be respectful and honest. it is okay to change. i started worshipping lord haides when i first began, and we worked together for a little while, and then we eventually went our separate ways. that's okay! i learned from him, and i appreciate those lessons and i use them now. you'll find your spiritual home and the gods you feel most comfortable with, it just takes time and exploration. you could also see if anyone wants to be worshipped by you via divination of any form. i'm a tarot or bibilomancy reader personally, so that's what i'd do, but honestly any method of divination works. if you do divination, i would also suggest finding an experienced practitioner (or even a few!) to compare and contrast answers and interpretations, because divination is very subjective.

tldr: it's impossible to worship all of the theoi simply because we're mortal with lives and only have so much time in the day. you have to start somewhere, so pick who resonates and what's in your heart and don't be afraid to change paths. the only way you're locked in is if you take an oath, yknow?

i wish you the best of luck upon your journey. my ask box is open if you have other questions. may the glorious theoi be with you and guide you to happiness and peace!

#helpol #hellenic polytheism #witchblr #pagan witch #hellenic pagan #my posts #my asks

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icarus-died-laughing · 2 years ago

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hiya! i dont worship any greek gods, but im really trying to connect with my spirituality. do you have any suggestions of where i can learn where to start? - 💫

honestly, wherever you want to. (get ready for a ramble incoming. there'll be a tl;dr at the end tho)

for a lot of people, especially me, witchcraft/spiritiality in general can be really overwhelming. theres so many different aspects of it such as crystals, meditation, deity work, spell casting, divination (and its many forms), to name a few.

my advice is to pick one or two areas that interest you, and start learning about them! you can even start with specific areas within them to break it down further. for example, if you start with deity work and divination (my favorites), then you could start learning about one deity and a specific form of divination, like tarot.

another thing you might wanna do is figure out (and im having trouble phrasing this, so bear with me) how... into it? you are? a better way to phrase this might be how much energy you're willing to dedicate to it.

i personally believe that your "level" of belief is what gives things power. if you believe that if you should cleanse your crystals, then cleanse your crystals! if you think cleansing doesn't matter, or, you just don't feel like it, then don't! it's all uo to you.

witchcraft can be exhausting, especially if you feel confined to specific rules. this is also what makes withcraft seem inaccesible. if you have trouble with routines/keeping a consistent and extensive practice, then you're more likely to feel like you can't/don't want to practice.

find a pace that fits right for you, and ONLY YOU. if you want to do a 5 min. daily meditation, do that! if you want to meditate whenever you damn well please for as long as you feel inclined, thats awesome! do what works for you.

if someone gives you a piece of advice you don't like, ignore it! your spirituality can and should be unique to you, and you should feel entirely comfortable with how you practice.

a lot of this is word vomit that isn't phrased well, but thats the best answer i can give you, and i hoped it helped :)

tl;dr: start small, and focus on only a few areas at first. figure out what is comfy for you, and don't over exert yourself. don't feel obligated to follow every piece of advice you see, and only focus on what you vibe with

#this (messily) sums up my relationship w helpol tbh

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bigdickmadej · 5 years ago

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So Shane liked a tweet about going crazy if they don't date someone in the ripped jeans community and my mind immediately went to Ryan's ripped knee black skinnies and I just- 😩😤 nEED a drabble, or ficlet, or ANYTHING about Shane pining for ripped jeans Bergara. Or don't it's okay you work hard enough as it is I just really want to talk about this since I am also a hoe for ripped/distressed jeans 😅❤️

Nonnie, I’m so glad you sent his. I had to go look for myself AND BAM! You and Shane are so valid, tho, It gets me every time djbvidnfidnfifr

(pic credit to @helloitsvehere)So, here’s a little something.

(Read on AO3)

Ryan must know. He certainly must know what it does to Shane every single time he shows up to work in those ripped back pants.

He has to.

There was no way he hadn’t noticed after years of knowing each other, that Shane’s eyes would linger on him and his legs more often when wearing said pants. He couldn’t be that blind, that fucking naive.

Shane really wanted to believe his friend must know, otherwise they were both lost, and otherwise he was about to either lost a good friend AND one of his work partners, making Watcher HQ into an awkward working space for everyone, or just give him a good laugh he would probably end up sharing with the other lovable dudebros at his home.

“Ry,” There goes nothing, the man looked at him after pausing the video he was trying to edit.

For a second, Shane forgot what he was about to say.

It wasn’t just the pants, of course.

Ryan was a handsome man. He had a beautiful body and gorgeous face. But it was also… just Ryan. The little guy. The man that kept him awake in more than one sense, listening to ramblings about ghosts but by also just existing as Shane wondered if his sleep schedule was alright or someone kept him up like it was happening to him.

His eyes went down, immediately looking for the prize. The skin exposed was enough to have Shane fanning himself like a improper lady of the past century, horny at just the sight of some flesh, and someday he’d wanted to tell this joke to Ryan but right now, his fingers touched the skin, seeing as Ryan tensed under it.

Shane looked up, unsure if his touch had been too much or– Ryan looked at him with expectation, seeking an explanation in silence as he left everything happen in the middle of the day when people were distracted.

Maybe Shane should have thought this through.

“I like your pants.” He said lamely, but it seemed to make the trip since Ryan didn’t groan or hit his hand away.

So, he dared a little bit more, moving his fingers until his palm was firm on Ryan’s knee, fingers slowly going under the dark denim.

“I know you do.” Ryan answered at least, stealing a smile from Shane.

Of course he knew.

His cock throbbed in his own pants, very aware of this conversation.

Shane’s fingers went up, softly touching the skin he had been dreaming of, eyes lost on his own movements without thinking of how Ryan must look, how red his face must be. But the man didn’t move away, just let Shane touch him as if he had been waiting for this to happen, too.

This of being brave was turning out to be pretty good, Shane swallowed as he cheered himself up with these thoughts to try something else.

“You know what I think when I see you in these?” He asked, discreetly making sure nobody was looking or listening to them.

Fortunately, Steven had a conference on a campus that morning, taking with him a few people since he wanted to take the chance to talk with some possible participants for Homemade, which left them with fewer people to worry about in his not-so-romantic confessional plan.

He should have thought this further, but whatever.

“I have an idea…” Ryan admitted in a whisper, the smoothness in his voice didn’t face him.

Shane looked up, finding Ryan interested in whatever he was about to say.

“I want to rip them more until I can see those skinny briefs I know you’re wearing.” He answered in a whisper too, hoping he had used the right amount of sexy to get this to another place later, his cock needed this to end right. “I wouldn’t take them off, though. Just open up enough to let me get those briefs down and fuck that pretty little ass of yours.”

A shiver went up Ryan’s body, his lips forming a white line on his face as his eyes closed for a second, and Shane wondered if he went too far. The answer came as Ryan’s hand landed on his, grip strong and warm, and Shane had to stop a gasp from escaping him, realizing just now how much he wanted Ryan to touch him too.

He was hard. Shane wondered if Ryan could see it, if he knew he had this effect on him on a regular basis.

“These are really nice, though.” Shane added, Ryan opened his eyes and looked at him with a tiny smile. “I think I’ll just remove them a little and worship that ass.”

“I knew you were an ass man.” Ryan shook his head, pulling slightly on Shane’s sleeve where his hand was over his.

Shane rolled his chair closer to him.

If he kissed him now, would Ryan beat him up for being such a non-romantic and exposing a possible relationship between them to everyone in the office just like that?

He smiled at his friend when Ryan looked at him.

“I’m home alone today,” he said with a dreamy sigh, “do you wanna come?”

“Baby,” Shane smiled at him, wide and so damn excited, “of course I want to come.” He said, Ryan rolled his eyes but laughed. “With you, preferably.”

“Oh, I better come first if you are ravishing my clothes.” He said, pausing for a second to look at something on Shane’s face. His lips, then his eyes, then lips again. He swallowed visibly. “Multiple times, though. That would be ideal.”

Shane snorted, going away before they ruined their first kiss. “Ideal! Multiple times is law, baby. You just have to wait.” He winked at him.

Ryan shook his head while laughing again, going back to his place as he seemed as excited as Shane felt.

He had never been a brave man before, Shane felt some kind of pride and how well everything went. The time to go home couldn’t come sooner, but to know what was to happen once they were on their own after work was all Shane needed to keep going with work all day long.

Except–

Except none of them could.

It wasn’t even lunch time when Ryan left the office space to get into the bathroom, Shane had been following his every move since their little risky conversation, wondering if he could convince him to either leave work or just do something in one of their cars, the bathroom never coming into mind because, again, he was no romantic but at least wanted their first kiss to be something else.

By the time he phone rang and Ryan’s name was displayed on it, Shane had frowned but stood up, starting to walk into the bathroom to see if everything was alright.

“Come.” Was all Ryan said, hanging up immediately.

With a frown, Shane walked in, finding him sitting in front of the mirror, hands put together between his thighs.

“It’s everything okay?” Shane asked, staying still by the door. “Ry?”

“Close the door…” He asked, his voice husky and just– shit. Shane’s dick stirred awake, he closed the door and walked over to Ryan. “It’s just–”

“I know.” Shane answered, finding his place between Ryan’s open legs. “I know…”

He wasn’t going to kiss him in this bathroom, doesn’t matter how clean and fresh they kept it.

Shane buried his face on Ryan’s neck, kissing softly on the skin exposed there as he felt Ryan relax at his touch. His hands were on Shane’s shoulders, just there as they didn’t push him away or move him forward, he took this as a sign to keep going and so, he bit a little onto his skin, aware of not leaving any marks that could lift eyebrows in the office.

Suddenly, Ryan’s legs rounded his hips, getting him closer than before and Shane chuckled, looking at Ryan as his hands held the man by his sides.

They looked at each other for a long moment, maybe an entire minute as he found this was not just lust and overgrown tension of years of wanting. It was longing, a feeling that this should had happened a long time ago but they had been waiting for the other to give them a sign.

As it turned out, it had always been there, but they had just been too scared to act on it.

Shane was not going to kiss Ryan in this bathroom, he hoped the man understood this as he let his forehead lean on Ryan’s, closing his eyes as they breathed the same air.

“I don’t care.” Ryan murmured. “I just want you.”

He swallowed, looking up to find Ryan’s determined stare that always made him shiver and smile. There was no braver man in the world, no firmer man.

Shane was truly in love with the best man ever.

His hand cradled Ryan’s cheek, thumb caressing him tenderly, eyes on his lips as he slowly leaned in. He could feel Ryan’s warm breath as his eyes closed, soon finding the soft of his lips in a firm kiss that made every pining second worth it.

They kissed sure of each other, aware of the feelings they held for the other and how strong their attraction had become. They kissed like if they had been waiting an eternity for it to happen and finally, finally, they had found their way to each other.

Ryan opened his mouth wider, tongue caressing Shane’s lips until he granted him entrance and the man explored his mouth. The air in Shane’s lungs felt hot, his tongue moved on Ryan’s and slowly went into the man’s mouth, feeling as they got closer, so close he could feel Ryan’s hard-on on his belly, making his own cock throb in his pants.

A string of saliva kept their mouths connected when they went apart, Ryan eyes were open and hooded, expecting as Shane moved away and made him get down and into a stall with him.

They didn’t bother closing it, Shane just made sure the toilet was closed before sitting down and waiting for Ryan to get himself comfortable on his lap.

Words felt unnecessary, their hands spoke for them as they were kissing again and Shane’s fingers found the skin of Ryan’s knees again, going up slowly until he could jank at it and get Ryan closer, making the two of them moan between their lips when their erections touched.

He had meant it when he said he wanted to rip the jeans apart, he wanted to unravel Ryan and know every corner of his body, and Shane hoped they would have time for exactly that later, when they were alone in his room, on his bed, very naked and unbothered.

Right now, he wanted to give Ryan what he needed, what they both needed. And with a smile, Shane moved his lips, making Ryan sigh with the way his erection rubbed on Shane’s belly as Shane’s found friction on his ass.

It had been a while since he last did this. Years, actually. Not since freshman year in college.

He wondered if it was the same for Ryan, or if he was more familiar with the desperation that came with each touch of clothes where they needed hands and warmth.

“Fuck…” Ryan murmured, both hands on Shane’s nape as he started to move his hips in rhythm with Shane’s. “You’re gonna make me come in my pants?”

“Yes.” Shane answered, “Open your eyes. I want you to see it when it happens.”

“I–” He moaned, his lips were red and used, his movements slow but firm, almost afraid of this ending too soon.

Shane swallowed, holding Ryan by the hips to make him go faster with him. He trusted forward, moaning with Ryan as his eyes snapped open, looking into Shane’s with his mouth hanging open, letting out soft moans and sighs that made Shane’s cock throb in desperation.

If just with this he felt lost, Shane could only imagine how it would feel like to have Ryan naked against him.

“Fa-faster… please…”

Whatever you want, he wanted to say, whatever you need, but his mouth was more busy with Ryan’s neck and every other inch of skin he could find on his collarbone and shoulders. Shane moved faster, aware of how every trust made him want this man more, made him wish they could get riskier in here.

“Ry,” He called him, holding him still in spite of the way Ryan whined in protest. “Stop that, here…”

His fingers went down, undoing Ryan’s button and putting down his zipper. Ryan moved slightly, giving him more space to take out his cock after pulling his pants and boxers down slightly. Shane smiled at the sight, giving him a few strokes as he got his pants open with his free hand.

Ryan moved again, giving Shane more space as he struggled to fish for his own dick and put down his jeans and underwear enough for it to happen. When his cock sprung free, Ryan giggled. Like a fucking schooler, giddy at the sight of another dick.

Shane rolled his eyes.

“What’s so funny, Bergara?”

When he stopped, Shane looked up at his face. He had such a shiny and happy expression, Shane moved his head to one side, waiting for an answer.

He could feel Ryan’s fingers back on his nape, slowly caressing where his hair was covering before kissing him softly.

“I knew your cock was big.”

It made Shane laugh, it also made him trust upwards. Ryan moaned at the touch, bitting his bottom lip as Shane brought their cocks together with one hand. Swallowing visibly, Ryan went back to kiss him, trying to move on his fist.

“Oh, I bet you heard the rumours back in our old office…” Shane murmured, looking at Ryan’s face as he pumped their dicks together. “Of course you’ll be a size queen, always looking for the best, uh?”

“Mmm…” Ryan nodded, hips trying hard to stay still as Shane stroke their cocks together. His arms rounded Shane’s neck, he loosened the grip a little to finally let Ryan move against his cock, fucking into his fist as Shane continued his task. “I always knew, though…”

“Yeah?” He closed his eyes, feelings Ryan’s breathing on his face as they stole kisses between words, movements going faster.

“Mhm.” Ryan continued, kissing Shane for longer, taking his bottom lip between his teeth. “Since I first saw you…” He moaned, “I thought that… if your head was so big, your dick better be as big.”

Shane snorted, laughing as Ryan kept moving his hips. When he looked at the man’s face, he was smiling, eyes shining bright with lust and want. He stopped moving, Ryan looked down between them and saw Shane bring his hand to his mouth, spitting on his pal and then showing it to Ryan.

“Spit.” Shane said, showing his palm to Ryan.

The man frowned, “What?”

“Spit on my hand, come on…”

“Ugh, you are so fucking weird…” Ryan answered, spitting still and making Shane laugh.

He brought it down to Ryan’s cock, the wet sensation making it easier for his hand to move on his skin, making Ryan moan as he stroke him a few more times before repeating his actions, asking Ryan to spit again and doing the same on his own cock.

“Fuck…” He groaned now, bringing their cocks together again, stroking both faster than before. “Fuck!”

“Shit–” Ryan held himself on his shoulders, looking down to watch their cocks disappear together on Shane’s fist. “Jeeesus fuck–”

“Ry,”

“Don’t stop,” Ryan looked up, his hips moving slightly again. “Shit, I’m close– don’t stop!”

Ryan’s eyes closed, the frown on his face made him look adorable in a way Shane couldn’t truly describe. He wanted to capture this image forever, sure to bring it back a few times for when he was alone and in need of Ryan.

He swallowed, groaning as he felt Ryan’s cock throb in his hand, against his own dick.

“Fuck, I’m–”

Shane nodded, watching as Ryan moved his own hips faster as his neck and shoulders tensed, his grip on Shane’s own shoulders feeling harsh. He was probably going to leave his mark, Shane couldn’t help but feel excited at the thought of finding it later on his skin. He couldn’t wait for both to discover each mark they were sure to make in each other in here and once they were out work.

“Shane–”

“Mmm, are you gonna come for me?” He asked, licking a line on Ryan’s neck when the man arched it with eyes closed hard. “Ry, my angel, are you gonna come for me?”

“Fuck!”

His cock twitched when Ryan came, the sight of his beautiful face frowning with pleasure as his fingers gripped Shane’s shoulders harder was everything Shane needed to find his own release.

Moaning in each other’s mouth with a wet and messy kiss, Shane stroked them both through their orgasms, using their come as lube until they were spent and slowly softening. He held them in his hand, close together and sensitive, as Ryan kept kissing him silly and sloppy.

He couldn’t help but smile, happy this had happened even if they had made a mess or seemed too desperate. They had waited long enough.

“Fuck…” Ryan murmured, forehead against Shane.

“Mmm…” Shane sighed, finally letting their cocks slip from his hand.

Shane hoped their indiscretion wouldn’t be too loud. Thank fuck the bathrooms were far enough from the office, but still, he hoped they wouldn’t find anyone looking at them weird after this.

They needed to clean up.

“Baby?”

“Just another second, please.” Ryan said, kissing him a few times more as Shane kept his hand away from them. “Shane…”

“Uhm?” Shane answered, smiling at him as Ryan peppered his face with little kisses. “Angel?”

He pecked his lips at the end, Shane followed wanting a longer kiss, but the man had other plans, holding him away with a smile.

“I love you.” He said, firm and happy.

Shane blinked as his heart filled with joy, lungs feeling warm again. He couldn’t help but smile like an idiot. “I love you too, angel.”

All Shane knew was, the wait was worth it.

#shyan #shyan fic #skeptic believer #buzzfeed unclean #idk my muse has been weird lately #THANK YOU FOR THIS NONNIE #mine #my fanfics #my drabbles #otp: we took an oath #shyan*#fanfictions #socmed #shane's twitter #shane's twitter likes #Anonymous

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senlinyu · 5 years ago

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Hi! I'm aro ace, and so find it very difficult to write romance and sex since I just don't understand what makes them so appealing. I've tried to rectify that by reading romance and smut but I still can't write them myself in a satisfactory matter. I found your stories during my hunt for well written romance and smut, and they've totally sucked me in. I haven't read many things that well written, so extra kudos to you and your beta! That being said, do you have any advice for me? Thank you!

Thank you so much. I'm glad you’ve enjoyed my stories: I'm actually somewhere in the greysexual/aromantic realm myself, and my beta is aromantic demisexual, so maybe that’s part of why my writing connected with you?

As far as writing a compelling romance... you need to have a reason why you characters don't just get together, and it needs to be a good reason. A compelling romance is based in character motivation. They need to have a reason for what they want, and there needs to be conflict or tension. "I want you physically but you're an absolute bastard" or "I love you, but my family..."

Your romance is the process of your characters overcoming those hurdles.

For me, and perhaps this is related to being aro, is that one of my first considerations in romance is deciding why each character begins to fall in love with the other person. There needs to be a moment for each of them when something begins to change. It can be very small initially, but there needs to be something that shifts them in the other person’s estimation and gets things started. I don’t tend the think of romantic love as being a standalone feeling/emotion, mainly because it’s not something I naturally tend to experience. So I break it down into components: devotion, possessiveness, protectiveness, desire, etc. and then I tinker with the balance until it’s something that feels as vivid as being alive.

As for smut, figuring out how to write semi-decent smut has been quite a journey for me. 😂 When I first started, I was writing pretty blind, mostly looking at smut scenes I liked in other fics and trying to figure out why somethings worked and others didn't and just improvising from there. So... when I wrote an explicit sex scene for the first time, I got a number of comments telling me that it wasn't very good and did not “transport” the reader. Which was fair... it wasn’t very good. 🤦🏻‍♀️

Therefore, I set myself to trying to figure out how to actually write good smut, and I’m happy to run down the things that work for me and what I tend to think about when writing smut and romance. 😁 I’ve written a couple posts about writing a smut a few other times, you can find those posts here and here.

However, smut is very much a matter of taste. Some people prefer very vague and borderline opaque language and euphemisms, other people just want you to write cock. It’s impossible to please everyone, so decide what kind of language you prefer. The tone of a sex scene is very dependent upon the language that an author chooses to depict it. Go with what you’re comfortable with, but also know that it just feels awkward for a while (I legitimately nearly DIED of embarrassment when I sent my smut to be beta’d for the first time, but eventually my sense of shame dies. It took about twenty chapters of writing All You Want to get there.)

I initially tended to get too caught up in the mechanics of sex, and honestly, I’ve found that mechanics don’t actually matter that much. Obviously you do need to communicate that sex is indeed occurring, (I’ve read some fic that have sex that’s so ephemeral that it could just as easily be a heavily metaphorical description of an ocean storm as a sex scene), and it’s important to make sure body parts are in the proper and physically achievable places, but the basic mechanics can be left to reader imagination.

Just like with romance, good smut needs to have a reason behind it. I find that I really need to have a good sense of character motivation before I can write smut, because that tends to determine the details that I focus on and I base the terminology and language that I use on those motives. Is this person desperate? Covetous or possessive? Is this escapism? Are they catching feelings and fighting them?

For example, I elected to write more ephemeral poetic sex scenes in my story Manacled specifically because Hermione was a healer, and she’s incredibly clinical and precise about most things in her life. So to illustrate the profound significance and emotional impact of her relationship with Draco, I decided to depict their sexual relationship as one that was beyond her precise terminology and needed her to use metaphor to describe.

Or in my story Do Not Go Gentle, Hermione started her relationship with Severus as a form of escapism, and I wrote Severus as a very greedy/covetous character who tended to put the few people he cared about onto pedestals. So they had these clashing motivations in their sexual relationship, where Hermione was desperate for a sense of mutual connection and a feeling that she still had something to give; while Severus had this very greedy type of worshipfulness and an idealization about the kind of generous lover he’d be, so he wasn’t looking to be connected with because he was too self-loathing to consider it. Those things weren’t explicitly explained within the story, but as the author, that dynamic determined my word choices and which details I chose to describe in each sex scene.

Sex of course doesn’t need to be romantic. Obviously it depends what genre you're writing--one of the things that I think is fascinating l about fandom is that they're prepared to write sex that's occurring for a lot of reasons--it doesn't need to be true love. It could be hate. It could be physical desire. It could be sorrow or depression. But you need to have that emotion there: without emotion, without what makes us human, smut, even the kinky varieties, is fairly boring mechanics.

Experiment. Start with the emotional motivation, work out words and phrases that reinforce that, then work out actions that demonstrate it.

Good luck! ☺️

#senlinyuspeaks #asks #on writing #story craft #writing manacled

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script-a-world · 5 years ago

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hello. i want to write a story set in a very religious place. like fanatic level of religious. in my mind, this place is ruled by what the church says but has a "cover" figure to "connect" with the people. the people of this place are devoted to their religion, meaning they know passages, go to mass, and shun those who don't support it. here is my question: how does one go about creating a religion that feels real? what do i need to take into consideration (i'm not religious myself).

Mod Miri Note: At the same time this came in we also received from the google form the question “How do I world build a religion?” I can’t confirm they’re the same anon, but we’re combining them for the answer.

Brainstormed: You seem to have a very… narrow perception of religion? If you aren’t religious yourself and you’re (presumably) from a Western culture, it makes sense that the Christian church and more specifically Catholicism are your go-to images of hyperreligion. Saying “mass” and “church” and “passages” kind of gives away the fact that you’re trying to base your religion off of at least your idea of an Abrahamic religion, but I’d ask you to reconsider. Right now it sounds like you’re trying to create a negative critique of these religions, and even if that is what you’re going for, you need to do a lot of research on their theology, history, and practices before you can do so with any competence.

I’d suggest doing some basic research on types of religions, like animism, pantheism, polytheism, general superstition, etc. There are plenty of spiritual worldviews that you might consider way over the top, but whose believers find it more bizarre when people don’t follow their teachings. Fanatics are never fanatics in their own mind, and especially among their own people, but also… fanatic might be a relative term. If you’re approaching this from a nonreligious background, then you might consider X-amount of religion in one’s lifestyle to be fanatic-level. Whereas a person who actively practices religion would consider X-amount to be perfectly normal, and only folks who take it to XX-amount plus some shadier practices are the true fanatics.

Remember, religions start because people want to make sense of the world. There is a deeper feeling of wonder and personhood and power, both within a human being and in the whole world around us, that drives spirituality and generates superstition. Religion, at least to start, is beneficial to people, otherwise no one but sadists would follow its teachings. Now, like anything else, religion can devolve into a means of power hoarding and control of a populace, but only because of the people in charge getting greedy. The vast majority of religions I’ve studied have had radical, freeing, empowering teachings applicable to everybody when they first sprang up, and only later did adherents twist those teachings into societal oppression. If there is no satisfaction or benefit in your religion, there won’t exactly be any incentive for people to follow it so closely, aside from whatever negative consequences occur for those who fall away. And negative consequences aren’t often enough to keep people in a religion. If following religion is more painful than the consequences of leaving it, plenty of people will jump ship.

Religion can also show up in every single part of life. According to Wikipedia:

A religious experience (sometimes known as a spiritual experience, sacred experience, or mystical experience) is a subjective experience which is interpreted within a religious framework. The concept originated in the 19th century, as a defense against the growing rationalism of Western society. William James popularised the concept.

You look up and see a cloud, a spiritual person sees a portent, or a spirit, or a castle where the gods live. You take a break from work for a minute, a spiritual person now has time to mutter a prayer, or observe the mood of the world, or dedicate their work to their god. A person doesn’t have to be anywhere near a fanatic to have their religion be in every part of their life. Especially if they adhere to a more lax spirituality or superstitious worldview instead of an organized religion, the central spiritual experience of religious belief alters the perception of self and surroundings. It isn’t only a set of rules to follow.

It can even help areas of society that modern Western society considers nonreligious! Historically, medicine has always come under religion. Witch doctors, medicine men, witchcraft, even the hygiene laws laid out in the Christian Bible. Physical health has often been considered a reflection of spiritual health, which, in a way, is true! The placebo effect means tending to one’s mental and emotional health with the reassurance of religion will improve one’s physical health as well. Not only that, but the power of a “spiritual experience”, regardless of if you believe the supernatural is real, can cause religious ecstacy, something you might perceive as a serious psychological problem but those who experience it consider to be a deep form of spiritual expression to be treasured and sought after. The spread and preservation of information is also often aided by religion, even though that can change should those in power want to change history or obscure truth for their own reasons. Just look at the history of the printing press and how that was driven by the need for Bibles. Many cultures, most famously Australian Aboriginal peoples, have oral histories thousands of years long that tie in closely to their spirituality.

You also might be confusing religion with cults. If you think all religion is predatory, playing on people’s weaknesses and fears in order to coerce them into a miserable lifestyle of following strict laws and living under control of those in power, you definitely have conflated “religion” and “cult”. If you’d like to worldbuild a cult, go ahead! It’s likely to be smaller and less acceptable than an established organized religion, not very transparent to the outside world nor its members, and have a spirituality that is in fact just a veneer over gaining power, instead of genuine belief and devotion, and may in fact require people to murder or commit suicide. Just look at Scientology, or these, or even Jared Leto, and a more in-depth look from this organization covering many different kinds of cults.

On a more worldbuildy note, are those who practice this religion correct? Does their god(s) exist? Is the supernatural real? If yes, then are they really fanatics if they’ve been right all along? Even if they’re incorrect, the dedication and deep-held beliefs of religious people shouldn’t be mocked wholesale, in my opinion. Make sure to keep some genuine three-dimensional development for characters who are part of this religion, or include other religions with different practices, or the only thing you’ll accomplish is “waaaa religion bad believers dumb”. And if that is the story you want to write, feel free, but I can’t help you there.

Feral: What makes a religion feel real? Sincere faith.

Specifically among the leaders. I mean, sure, those lemming-like peasants who actually believe that superstitious nonsense will have sincere faith, but honestly? There is going to be a higher percentage of people faking it among the masses than among the clergy. Clergy members are generally required to go through rigorous studies and often take vows that can cause great discomfort. I am sure there are those who did it for the power - there are in atheist organizations as well, humans can be crap - but if you actually read the writings of important Church leaders of the past, not to mention rabbis, imams & mullahs, and archakas, you’re going to find that they have sincere faith.

Something you should always keep in mind when developing pre-modern religion in a Western context is that before the advent of modern scholarship, which starts to become a thing in the West during the Renaissance, all the important scholars were clergy. And again, those learned people either had to be really, really dedicated to their power-hungry ambitions or had to have sincere faith.

That does not make religions perfect by any means nor does it mean that the god they have sincere faith in is omnibenevolent (though the qualities of an omnibenevolent god will be strongly dependent on the culture that worships it). And religious leaders are absolutely capable of doing terrible, terrible things even if they profess to worship an omnibenevolent god, and politicians can definitely twist things around to suit their needs (again, this is not exclusive to religiosity). But your ask has this weird given that a major religion (on par with Catholicism/Christianity) in your world is a scam, and while yes, that happens in cults and alternative religions and in splinter groups*, as Brainstormed pointed out that’s just not how, at least, the four major religions of our world got started.

Yes, it’s true that bureaucracies of a certain size and age will inevitably begin to change focus to protecting its own existence. And yes, it’s true that ambitious sociopaths will be drawn to places of authority even if they are difficult to achieve. And yes, it’s true that an individual entering a toxic environment is more likely to be changed by the environment than to change the environment. But guess what! That has nothing to do with whether the organization is religious or not.

Why does a religion exist in the first place? It explains the universe in a pre-modern world; it provides organization and structure for community focus - in other words, many social programs have historically been run through religious organizations and leadership. And it provides hope and comfort in a very scary world.

Some clergy might be able to fake all of that for a little while, but a large bureaucracy with many clerics who are all in on the fake? No. Allow me to rephrase: hell no. People are not dumb. Maybe you believe that of all religious people, but you are wrong and they are not. The people in your world, if they’re anything like the people in our world, are gonna sniff out the bullshit if none of their religious leaders believe what they’re selling. There is a reason Scientology has to keep blackmail files on all its adherents, and I promise you, the Catholic Church does not do that.

*A note on cults, alternative religions, and splinter groups: Cults and alternative religions (their PR friendly name) are “religions” that are scammy and/or actively dangerous to the participants or others: People’s Temple, Branch Davidian, etc. Splinter groups are congregations that start as normal members of a large religion or denomination but its insular culture creates a divide that just takes things a little too far even for the most fanatical of the main sect (think terrorist groups that link themselves to religions). These types of religions might be what you are actually asking about. Groups like these can be highly, highly influential but in a very contained area. What cults often do is the leader settles in an area and buys property and builds a church and maybe a school and then encourages the members to all move either onto the plot of land if it’s large enough or to buy up surrounding land and homes and push out all the non-believers. That area can then be fortified or just have a de facto boundary with the rest of the world. Sometimes a group like this can become large enough to constitute an entire town, but rarely a city - groups that large will more often have centralized compounds but with the members living scattered among non-believers, as Scientology does. Obviously a group concentrated like that will have an impact on local politics, if they are allowed to participate, but it’s not going to go farther than the county line, so to speak. As we all know from the news, splinter groups like ISIS can become very large and globe spanning, but those types of groups have within them splinter groups and factions, and I don’t think that’s what you’re asking about anyway, so I’m just going to leave it there.

But frankly, your ask reads to me as “how do I create a fantasy!Catholic that is secretly evil and will show the audience how evil religion is in the real world? Opiate of the masses!” And my advice is… don’t. Because it lacks compassionate understanding of people of faith (many faiths), it lacks a factual understanding of how world religions differ and function, it totally lacks nuance, and finally, because it is absolutely, monumentally, extremely, really, very cliche.

Maybe the way your ask is coming across to me is totally not how you intended it. Maybe you only used the jargon you used because you assumed we wouldn’t know any other terms and maybe your understanding of world religions is actually quite sophisticated. Maybe you really do have this insanely clever way to spin a tired cliche into some new and original. In these cases, we strongly encourage you to come right back with as jargon-full and specific an ask as you can write, use our submission google form to do it. Otherwise, give our responses some thought and if after you’ve developed your religion, you want to come back with a specific ask other than “how do I world build a religion?” (which is a little too broad), please feel free.

#pylons #religion #Anonymous

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incomingalbatross · 4 years ago

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despite the fact that DC whitewashes Damian more often than they don't, he *does* have arab ancestry and would be Muslim if he had ties to any religion. making him devoutly catholic, especially if via conversion, reeks of religious colonialism.

Hm. Okay. This is a complicated subject, but I’m going to try and give a decent answer here. I think what it boils down to is that I don’t think Damian has a personal religious heritage which this idea contradicts, and I don’t believe that a story in which he followed his father into the Catholic Church would erase or disrespect his ethnicity or his cultural heritage.

First of all, if Damian were Muslim, I would not write or headcanon him as Catholic! Actively writing out an established part of a character just because one feels like it—especially in something like religion, which matters deeply to many fans—seems to me to be, at best, rude to the rest of the fandom. (And, side note, it’s why I’m not totally sure what I want Tim to be—I have a vague impression that there is evidence of him having a religious heritage, but I don’t know if it’s true? Comics canon is a terrible thing.)

However, as far as I am aware, there is zero evidence that Damian is or ever has been Muslim. And... I don’t feel like “would be Muslim” is a meaningful hypothetical here? Having Arab ancestry doesn’t automatically give him a Muslim culture or heritage—although it’s a reasonable assumption for characters we don’t have contradictory information on, like Ra’s—and in Damian’s case, a world in which he was raised Muslim would make his formative years significantly different than canon.

Damian is a mixed-race kid of Arab, whatever-Talia’s-mother-was-(because-DC-won’t-be-consistent), and white American descent. Culturally, he’s—well, he’s League of Assassins, which is its own thing, but it’s reasonable to say that the League’s culture at the very least has strong Arab elements. These are all important aspects of Damian’s character, and I don’t want to erase or overwrite them!

However, religion is not ethnicity or culture. A religion may have strong ties to those things (and will often have a culture of its own, which then mixes with the non-religious culture of its believers), but it is not identical to them. And religiously, Damian is a second-generation cult member raised in a cult that worships his grandfather. He has no personal connection to Islam. In fact, in a world where Bruce is a practicing Christian, I’d say Damian has a more immediate Christian heritage than a Muslim one.

But the last thing I want to say, and I think the most important, is that—as I said above—I don’t see religion as a matter of culture. I see religion as a matter of faith and worship, which encompasses a set of beliefs about the most important, essential, life-defining truths of existence. And it is my firm conviction that the Catholic religion is objectively true. If I didn’t believe that, I wouldn’t be Catholic.

I don’t want to overwrite Damian’s culture or heritage. I want to write him finding healing from all the pain and trauma Ra’s put him through and all the twisted ideas Ra’s raised him to believe. And being Catholic, I believe the truest and fullest healing can be found in Christ and His Church, and I love the idea of Damian finding his way to that healing because I love Damian. It’s for the same reason that I like headcanoning characters as Catholic in general—because I believe the Catholic Faith is the quickest and easiest path humans have to becoming the happiest, healthiest versions of themselves, and I like imagining my faves as their happiest and healthiest selves.

I hope this explanation makes sense.

(And if you don’t think it does, at least you can take comfort in the fact that all my posts that actually talk about Catholic Damian are currently very old and have probably twenty notes apiece? This is niche, it’s not going to have any actual impact on the fandom.)

#i have GOT to learn to give shorter answers #asks #anon ask #catholic #fandom discourse #i guess

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cosmictulips · 4 years ago

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Good time, it's very nice to know you exist 🍵🛶🏰🪔🍯🍯🍯 I'm 18, T, libra sun, leo moon, cap ris. if u could help, that'd be a big thank you

recently I've been feeling kinda shut off from any type of spirituality, universe, can't trust my own mind because i don't want to make things up and go with a lie, not imagination play - a terrible lie to oneself. so, i can only trust others. been asking for a clear sign that i wouldn't doubt for as long as i can remember, and nothing... am i tryna knock on the door that wasn't meant for me? then i don't understand anything. i feel left out of my own life. i try pulling out any advice, but then, my intuition may be just wishful thinking. nothing i ever do comes as i intend. I've let go of logic, of expectations, but it feels like a one way communication. can't remember dreams. locked out of everything and losing hope. i don't think it's a wall i made. i don't want to make up a voice in my head, it is my biggest fear, i want to actually hear one.

so, one question - why am i being unanswered?

pun unintended

thank you in advance, you're very kind.

have a wonderful weekend, and every weekend some good news

Hey Friend =) I truly hope other people see this ask too because I think your ask is very important. so I hope you don’t mind that I kind of get personal with you. Truth be told, I’ve been feeling the exact same way recently. it’s happened when I was first starting out with the Craft -as I like to call it - and it happens from time to time. even now. these past two weeks have been a wreck for me and it really feels like I haven’t been heard by the universe. No, not heard. I’ve been heard. but to me, it feels like I’ve been deemed unworthy.

And especially with divination, reading for myself has always been wrong. which is why I no longer trust reading for myself. and I don’t particularly trust it when people say they read for themselves. because too me, how do you know you’re not lying to yourself? I always, always tell people to be careful because the universe can and WILL tell you what you want to hear. it’s hard approaching divination with a very unbiased, neutral head. and it’s kind of why I’ve fought some people over their readings. people only ever project to others and to the univeres what they want. so if I or you were to tell them otherwise, it’s wrong.

So you’re right to take a step back if it doesn’t feel right to you. and here’s where I’m going to start contradicting myself a little bit here. You need to start trusting yourself. fully, undoubtedly and ruthlessly. trust yourself so much that people almost think you’re full of arrogance. and that’s the key word, almost. Be open minded enough to new ideas and to change the way you think of things. but always, always trust yourself to know what is best for you. Only YOU are going to know the best route to take for yourself.

I started being answered when I started trusting the guidance that was coming in for me. I started to notice the little signs at first. Notice any repeating numbers? colors? any certain phrases you hear too often? read too often? is there an animal or group of animals that tend to show up at odd places? slowly start to take notice of these things. Also, truly dig deep into what you believe in. if you want to get into spirituality, ask yourself why. what is it that you believe that matches that. I got into it because I felt so alone in a church and no one was listening. and for awhile, I was thrown in circles the minute I opened myself up to the universe. but instead of blocking it out, I kept pushing. I kept trying to see the pattern, and I kept trying to change it.

and that could be what’s happening for you. I know you said that you think it’s not a wall you built. but darling, it is. I think it comes from a fear you’re not ready to recognize yet. it could be the fear of the unknown, it could be a fear of failure, but you’ve built a wall.

Spirituality is made for everyone. It’s okay to have blocks, to doubt your abilities and be unsure of whether or not the universe actually hears you. the universe brought you to me. so obviously it hears you. =)

but you cannot hear it and I think that’s what needs to change.

So let me give you some advice on what I do when I begin to feel these blocks. like I have been recently.

1. I pray to my gods. you don’t have to be into worshiping gods. you can simply pray to the universe like I did and still do from time to time. You’ll know it’s listening when you feel the warmth of the sun, and the gentle breeze of the wind. perhaps you’ll see an animal or two ;) my sister is a good example of this, she sees dogs everywhere when she’s looking for a sign from the universe lol. 2. I turn to divination. My readings for myself may not be true but it’s good practice. I also turn to other forms to try to grow in those skills as well. Runes, bindrunes, automatic writing, etc there’s SO MANY divination techniques. tarot may not be your thing but scrying might be. look around and see what fits.

3. I play hertz music. I find that music really helps me out lol. hertz is juts frequency waves set to a certain wave length so parts of ... our... ... so like our energy can pick up on it. there’s a better explanation for it but for me, it really helps lol 4. I keep pushing. even when it feels like I’m not being answered, and sometimes you won’t be answered. that’s the thing. the universe wants you to better yourself. and to grow. and sometimes that means trusting yourself to know where to go because it won’t give you an answer. be brave, and go forward.

I’ll go more into what I want you to do, but let me pull out your cards first so you finally have a reading lolol.

So for you I pulled the Lovers, Strength, The Sun and the Knight of Pentacles. with the Ace of Cups as the overall energy.

so it’s really what I’ve been saying lol. The knight of pentacles here is telling me to move slowly. it’s okay that things don’t make sense to you right off the bat. Patience is a virtue here. Going into your craft, your practice, it’s okay to question things. spirituality is a lot different than most religions so coming from a different place and settling into a new one can be tough. it requires a lot of change. and that tends to scare some people. Ya know? we’re all so used to hearing different things -mostly bad- about sprituality and how it’s all “fake” but darling, dipping your toes in and slowly breaking the surface is how everyone starts out. Once you get comfortable with the idea and with your own intuition the fun will begin.

Next you have the Lovers, Strength and the Sun. This is telling me you need to let yourself love. bring courage and strength into this. It’s going to take you loving yourself, being confident in yourself and going forth even if it seems fake. does that make sense? You might have a mental illness. I’ve got some strong anxiety that borders on paranoia. Okay, but in my heart of hearts I knew this was the call for me because I’ve seen too much shit to not believe spirituality wasn’t my path. so I forced myself to be more confident in my abilities. I forced myself to be open to the universe even if it felt like I was talking to a wall. I forced myself to sit down and learn divination and kept a dream journal even if most nights there was nothing but darkness.

and you need to bring that to yourself. if you are serious about this, learn to open yourself to the universe. In the beginning I had to lie to myself. it’s just what it is. but the more I connected to the universe, and the more I began to trust my intuition, the more the lying ceased to happen. because suddenly it was true. suddenly those signs told me I was on the right path. and suddenly everything I was studying made sense. given time it will make sense for you as well.

People, including me, are telling you what you already know. You just don’t trust yourself to hold onto those words. you don’t trust yourself enough to put that same love into you and out into the universe. and maybe you’re afraid of getting hurt. being vulnerable to the universe does mean that sometimes we go through rough patches. we have to break old cycles for new ones to begin. but much like the Lovers, once you make that choice to love and be loved, you will shine.

The ace of cups tells me there is something new coming for you. but you have to choose to let it happen okay? you have to stop thinking you’re not good enough and that you’re not being heard. because you are... because you’re here talking to me ;) the universe wouldn’t have sent you to me if that wasn’t the case. and I think a part of you knows that.

so here’s what I want you to do. Take the first steps. Start keeping a dream journal. the only way we as humans can recall our dreams is if we’re actively thinking of them when we first wake up. that means no media ;) lay there and think about what you dreamed. Like last night I had a dream I set the house on fire and was crying that I lost a textbook. idk, it was weird lol. dreams don’t have to make sense. write them down. keep a glass of water by your bed. for some reason it helps.

If you’re gonna sit there and tell me but you’ve tried everything, try again ;) try it from a new perspective. instead of going in all “this is going to fail” think of it as “this has already worked once and I’m doing it again to better myself”

let your confidence shine. I had to lie to myself everyday until I finally believed I was a decent human being. I still struggle with it but damn have I gotten noticed by more people who tell me that I literally shine like the sun. people notice your changes. some of us just won’t say it ;) that being said, be prepared to fight for your beliefs.

Learn what your beliefs are. Learn to defend them. because the universe does not take this journey lightly. the minute you start to doubt that you’re ever made for this, is going to be the second it closes on you until you force yourself to try again. much like how we’re both in this spot now ;) trust and KNOW that the universe wants what is best for you.

Tap into your higher self and your shadow self. work on what needs to be healed and what your higher self wants for you to do. this could literally be anything from getting therapy, to doing art, to listening to music, to talking to people who have hurt you. like it’s endless but it helps.

Lastly, understand that these things take time. You have some major energy wanting to work with you. you need to start trusting yourself more, and letting down that wall. you built it, you can destroy it.

I don’t hear a voice telling me which way to go. I get feelings. very strong ones. that I’ve had to learn are different from my anxiety. In the beginning that meant I had to pretend to ignore the feeling to see what the reaction would be. when something happened and I knew it was going to happen, I knew what I had felt was my intuition.

Learn to recognize what is your instinct and what is your intuition. my instinct is that my hands get a little shaky and I can’t stop moving around. my intuition keeps me still. it’s quick and alert. for you it could be something different. you might actually hear a voice.

I’m willing to work with you if you want me to. I’ve been in that exact same situation and form time to time I feel the same way. it’s never about the destination, it’s always the journey.

You’ve got this. You know you do. break down the wall, and come join us ;) I hope this helps sorry for the long.... long post lmao If you ever need anything, please reach out =)

#free tarot reading #tarot reading

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mortuarybees · 5 years ago

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hello, i hope you don't mind me coming for advice. i was raised a southern baptist christian and growing up really struggled with coming to terms with my lgbt identity. when i finally felt secure enough to accept me for who i was, my faith suffered- most likely due to the lack of acceptance from my family and religious community. i don't want to lose my faith, but i don't know if i have faith in the church anymore. i look up to you loads, and iwas wondering if i could hear about your experience

I don’t mind at all, my friend! I’m always happy to help if I can. I’m so sorry to about your situation with your family and community. That’s a terrible thing to endure, and I hope you have a support system. I’m sorry I took a few days to respond, it just dredged up some difficult memories and I needed to take a step back for a bit.

For me, I left the church about the time I started questioning my identity, years and years ago. There were also a few other things around that time happening with my specific church and beyond that, personal things I’d rather not go into, and all of that sort of came together around the same time, and I just decided it wasn’t for me, I couldn’t be in a religion with views like that. It was easier because the issues with my specific church had led my family to stop attending regularly, being a bit disillusioned, so I was able to keep it mostly to myself for a while until I’d fully…mourned it, I suppose? I passed into a sort of classic agnostic phase, and then fully atheist for a while. Once I got a bit older and more comfortable with my identity, it was a little easier to think about God? And I became sort of agnostic again for a long time.

About a year and a half or two years ago, though, I had a very tense Thanksgiving break due to family drama and I started binging all the videos of this youtuber Jessica Kellgren-Fozard, an amazing disabled lesbian Quaker who makes very lovely, positive videos that are just really beautiful to watch. At some point, she made a video talking about what it was like to grow up Quaker, and that was the first time I realized she was Christian. Hearing her talk about her faith, the core beliefs of her denomination, the great diversity and flexibility of it, I just kind of…really realized for the first time that it’s not an either/or thing? Like I would talk a lot about how it’s possible to be lgbt+ and a Christian, I knew it and believed it for other people, but I guess I just didn’t really apply that to myself, it felt completely irreconcilable to me. I didn’t feel like I could be part of something I knew didn’t want me, I guess, but the way Jessica talked, it wasn’t in any kind of apologetic terms, or trying to make sense of why God tolerates her, it was really just a statement of fact, a certainty that God made her the way she is and loves her for it, and that really, really touched a nerve with me.

In the same vein, although it sounds silly, I was raised Southern Baptist and while I knew that Christianity is a massive and diverse religion with a million different denominations, I just kind of. held in my mind the version of Christianity I was brought up with, as I couldn’t adhere to a different belief system, as if my only options were Southern Baptist, Methodist, or nothing, and watching her talk about her faith, I really realized that like. I could just...convert to a different denomination? Like if you too were raised Southern Baptist, I’m sure you can relate to the stigma of conversion even just to a different denomination fskdjf like I have a great aunt who converted to Pentecostalism and she’s passed away yet people still talk about it (or maybe that’s just my family; if that’s the case, I apologize for assuming jdkslf) so I guess somewhere in the back of my mind was still that assumption that converting just wasn’t something I could do, and I never even realized it.

I started reading a lot, about Christianity generally, but mostly Quakerism and queer theology and liberation theology (and also, just listening to a lot of Sufjan Stevens and reading a lot of poetry and doing a lot of thinking and writing jskfldsj). There is a long, long history of religious lgbt+ people making sense of our identities in the context of religion, and that helped a lot. So did the stories of Jesus and John, and Ruth and Naomi, and David and Jonathan. I’m hoping to start attending a Quaker meeting somewhat near me in the future, and after I’ve attended for a while, if I feel like it’s right for me, I’ll become a member. Since I can’t attend a meeting right now, I sort of started meditating regularly, in a sense, as my form of worship and connection. It sounds very New Age jklsfdjs but really it’s very peaceful and I did start to feel very settled and a lot more secure in my growing belief.

In the course of all that, I sort of just stopped viewing God and Christ as inextricable from the church, and more of the church as an earthly and very human institution, the same as any government or organization. For the first time, I started to really feel like I had a direct relationship with God and especially with Christ, in kind of a like. “Fuck you this is my business” kind of way? I really don’t know how to explain it, just a sort of peace and confidence and security. My relationship with God and my religion exists entirely outside of anyone else at this point, and it has certainly changed dramatically from where I was at when I left the church. I still don’t know that I necessarily feel much of a connection with mainstream Christians, not more than I do anyone else, both because I don’t feel I have a need to align myself with them to properly worship, and because I don’t see a lot of similarity between my beliefs and theirs.

Religious beliefs are very personal, and I don’t know what yours are. Mine are fairly…hands off? To summarize them jfkldsfj it’s contained very briefly in John 4:12-13, “No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us. This is how we know that we live in him and he in us: He has given us of his Spirit.” Love is really all there is, it’s the most important thing, it’s the surest and only evidence of divinity, the closest there is to holiness. God isn’t really here, running things day to day, God isn’t holding your hand when you’re scared or lonely, it’s other people, people who love you and care about you. I believe in the light within, in a spark of divinity in every living thing, and I think love is that divinity. Loving someone, caring for them, is the same as loving God, it’s the same as prayer and worship. It seems to me that God is very hands off; as Christ says, the birds in the sky don’t worry where their meal will come from because God will provide, but God doesn’t just have it appear in their bellies, they have to go and get the food. He made us hungry and alone, and he made food and other people. We have to reach out for both, and that is our purpose. It’s all well and good to believe in God and say your prayers, but “as the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without works is dead also.” I know that loving others is what we were made to do. I don’t really care what a priest or theologian has to say about it, and in fact, I really don’t trust organized religion much at all. No one really knows more about God than anyone else, and I’m not really interested in pretending otherwise.

So my advice, you can understand, is based primarily on decoupling your relationship with God and your relationship with the church. Get in touch with other lgbt+ Christians (not necessarily directly, but God that does feel good), just seeing other lgbt+ people who aren’t trying to apologize for who they are can be a great comfort. Read, or listen or watch, however you best absorb information, whatever you can get your hands on. Think a lot, write if that helps you, or talk it out with a friend. Whatever you think will make you feel like you have a more intimate relationship with God will help. Truthfully, I don’t think you need anyone to act as a translator for God, or a go-between. You can get to know God and Christ on your own terms, and you should. I don’t have much advice for remaining a Southern Baptist, because I pretty well ran from that years ago, and you couldn’t pay me to go back. I won’t recommend that you leave the church, because that’s such a personal decision, but. I don’t personally have a high opinion of it. If you do leave it, and being part of a church is important to you, once you’re on more level-footing in your relationship with God, you'll likely be able to find a denomination that aligns much better with your beliefs.

I hope this was helpful at all❣️ And I’m very sorry if it wasn’t, but I can only speak from my own experiences.

#Anonymous #henry speaks #Christianity

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