#I just didn't realize it was an inherent condition of living

[eveningsandcoffeespoons]

.

The last few years have been A Lot. Culminating in last year, which was the Most Year of all time so far, between our own wedding (+ showers etc) and my sister's wedding (+ shower we planned + etc) and my brother's wedding (+showers etc) and several minor family crises and celebrations.

And between the last wedding of the year and the holidays, I said Hmmm, only one sibling getting married next year, maybe we can have a calm and restful year. A Getting Shit Together year. Since between aging parents and siblings starting families it's probably only going to get more chaotic.

And then two weeks into the new year, one week after O and I got out of covid isolation, my sister called to let us know she's got morning sickness.

Basically this year is confirming what I have been suspecting for a while now, which is that it's always More Year, and that this is the way that life Works.

[wasabikitcat]

Has anyone in this Olympics women's boxing argument ever stopped and thought about whether it would make any sense for women to be more susceptible to being injured in boxing than men? Like sure, it's a fairly common assumption that men are physically stronger than women, and therefore a man would have an advantage at boxing because he can punch harder... But how would that make you more resilient to being punched in the nose? Like I would think the assumed advantage would be that women can't hit as hard and therefore would require more effort to take someone down, but what everyone is arguing over is a woman having her nose broken from a punch to the face, when a man's nose would be just as broken from the same punch. Women don't have like, daintier and weaker facial bones or something. Being punched in the face "by a man" when you're a woman is literally no different than being punched in the face by the same person as a man. If we are to assume that men (note: the person being debated about here isn't a man or even a trans woman, she is cisgender, but I digress) are so Herculean that their punches are just too dangerous for women, then men's boxing should be banned outright because it's just too dangerous for men to be punching each other with that strength when a punch to the face is exactly the same for a man as it is to a woman.

[radiantmists]

i didn't want to add this to the post because it would add a bit too much seriousness to a good meme, but i do think it raised an interesting point. because obviously kaladin didn't forget that racism existed in that moment, he was confronting one of his primary oppressors, the guy who betrayed him multiple times over specifically because he was darkeyed.

what kaladin does forget in that moment is the pervasiveness of racism, and the extent to which it's baked into his society's institutions. and i think it makes a lot of sense for kaladin specifically to forget that (even though he absolutely knows it intellectually)!

because kaladin has always been an 'exception'. his father was a doctor, much higher nahn than anyone else in the town. kaladin is as close to literate as an alethi man is allowed to be-- more literate than adolin, presumably than elhokar. marrying the child of the citylord and having lighteyed children-- theoretically 'escaping racism', though of course that wouldn't have worked out too well in practice-- was not only thinkable but likely, unlike the false hope of defeating a shardbearer that others cling to.

before roshone, kaladin did suffer from racism-- but less than others, and in a way where he was led to believe that it was escapable and conditional.

and many of the worst things that happened to him went against the rules of alethi society. roshone was corrupt, and should never have been promoted. kaladin was immune to the draft due to his apprenticeship, and tien was young enough that choosing him was taboo if not forbidden.

similarly, tien being sent to the front lines was the sort of tactic that 'honorable' alethi norms like the codes of war would have considered reprehensible.

and of course when he saved amaram and defeated the shardbearer, the rules of society dictated that he be rewarded; i imagine choosing to give the shard to amaram should, from an honorable man, have been rewarded with pay and retirement for his men or something similar.

kaladin's enslavement was not just dishonorable by alethi social norms, but illegal.

and the kholins, up to this point, have signaled commitment both to the law and to those alethi social honor codes. and while they (especially elhokar) have been casually prejudiced, they've also welcomed the idea of kaladin as the captain of the cobalt guard, suggesting that they aren't so racist that they can't sometimes see reason.

kaladin not realizing the boon was only for lighteyes was a little naive of him, but him expecting the legal system to work for him-- when he took the issue directly to someone who knew him, respected him, and owed him the lives of his whole family-- is very understandable in the light of his experiences.

kaladin is the kind of person from a minority who was raised genuinely thinking that if they behave well, they might experience some prejudice, but no door is truly, systemically closed to them. he's had some knocks to that belief (and is kind of a suspicious person), but in the first part of words of radiance the world seems to be trying to reassure him that not all lighteyes are (too) racist, that the system is not (inherently) unjust, that he's simply been the victim of some of the more prejudiced fringes of lighteyed society.

and then the rug gets pulled out from under him.

because no amount of familiarity or respect will make elhokar side with him over one of the good old boys, no accomplishment will allow a darkeyes to challenge a lighteyes, and no amount of good behavior or education will make kaladin white lighteyed.

but a shardblade would.

...right?

i think this and the immediate aftermath, with adolin giving kaladin a blade and him giving it to moash, could have been a really interesting examination of that idea, because i don't think that lighteyed society would have smoothly accepted either of them. even by rhythm of war, we get hints that kaladin occupies a weird social place where he technically has a lighteyed rank but he seems to have a complicated relationship with 'other' lighteyes (obviously made particularly weird by him being a radiant and because most of the lighteyes he interacts with heavily are also royalty, but he doesn't quite seem to be equals with most of them).

but i don't think sanderson quite understood the experience he was writing about with kaladin, and he set out to write a series about an apocalypse. and so kaladin's complicated-- but not unrealistic-- perspective on alethi casteism will go unexamined.

[autisticsupervillain]

Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to Stats Equalized!

This Month's Fighters...

Davepetasprite^2 vs Stevonnie!

Conditions:

No other restrictions.

Scenario:

Steven and Connie are going on a date fused together as Stevonnie on the beach when Davepeta crashes down to Earth right in front of them. Stevonnie asks if they've alright as they pull them from the crater, but Davepeta brushes it off, casually explaining that they've been at war with the New Galactic Republic ever since some guy named Horn beat up Sollux and now some Skywalker guy blasted them across time and space. This does not make Stevonnie any less concerned, especially as they don't know what any of that means beyond "war" and "blasted across time and space" but the topic gets side tracked when Davepeta points out that their gemstone belly button looks a lot like "that Universe guy" and asks if they've landed in Gem Territory. Stevonnie explains that they kind of are Steven and the two get into comparing and contrasting how Gems snd Sprites fuse. Davepeta ponders out loud which kind of fusion is stronger and challenges Stevonnie to a sparring match.

"Um, didn't you just say you're in a war?"

"B33 < nah, it's chill. the war's nothing purrsonal, i'm sure skyguy will understand if i hold off on kicking his ass fur a bit."

"Every word out of your mouth makes me more concerned...."

Analysis: Davepetasprite^2

Sprites. The mysterious, aloof guides of the Gods. When mortal beings play the video game SBURB to become the gods of a New Universe, the Sprites are assigned as their guides. In order for a session to be successful, Sprites most be fused with physical objects, be that an inanimate toy, a dead creature, or even a living person so that they might have the sentience to guide their assigned Player through their quest.

Davesprite was one such Sprite. Hailing from a doomed timeline where his best friend John died horribly, Davesprite traveled back to prevent this future, becoming his past self's Sprite in the new timeline.

While this did successfully prevent the death of his friend, Davesprite didn't anticipate how this would effect himself. The versions of his friends in this new timeline weren't the same people he knew in his timeline. John was back, but it wasn't his John. His friends didn't even consider him to be the "real Dave" anymore. They had a Dave. And it wasn't him. The timeline didn't need two Daves anymore. He was just leftovers.

He was just a Sprite. A figment of a dead timeline. What use would he be when the story was over?

Dave would unwittingly get his answer after inadvertently fusing with Nepetasprite. The two were merged and reborn again as something new. Part troll, part human, part crow. Reformed not as a leftover Dave or forgotten Nepeta, but as something entirely themselves.

It helps that they're indisputably the most powerful Sprite in Paradox Space. That's a nice boon.

As a fully Prototyped Sprite, Davepetasprite^2 should have all of the boons inherent to their biology. Sprites can become intangible at will, create light constructs like a green lantern ring, fly, and posses a natural nigh-omniscient understanding of SBURB and its function in the greater multiverse... at least, in so far as it would help their assigned Player. Furthermore, as a fully realized Sprite, Davepeta has very little worry of accidentally fusing with something or someone just by touching them for too long.

It helps that their components are absolute juggernauts in their own right. Any version of Dave or Nepeta could be counted among the most skilled fighters Paradox Space has to offer and Davepetasprite^2 has the combined experiences of both of them. Nepeta was a proud hunter who happily battled the beasts of hellplanet Alternia while Davesprite could go toe to toe against 3x Prototyped Jack Noir, who could slaughter entire armies single handed. Both of these fighters could demolish the armies of Derse, but combined together, they gave even Lord English, the destoyer of all Paradox Space, a good fight.

In many ways, Davepetasprite^2 is the ultimate payoff that both Nepeta and Davesprite could ask for. Two characters made irrelevant, tragically left behind by their closest friends after fulfilling their one purpose, reborn again as something new. Something themselves.

Claw claw, meowtherfuckers.

Analysis: Stevonnie

Fusion. The ultimate form of bond between Gems. The physical embodiment of a relationship between two people, coming together to create something entirely new. Literally.

With Gems, this merging is possible only because their bodies are physically made of hard light. As such, a fusion between and human and a gem is impossible. Or was, until Steven Universe came along. As a half gem, half human, Steven was able to create the first gem human fusion in history. A living statement of his close bond between him and his girlfriend Connie. Something entirely new. Stevonnie.

Naturally, Stevonnie has all of Steven's Gem powers combined with Connie's keen tactical mind, creating a skilled and versatile warrior. A hero that the Crystal Gems could be proud of. They wield Steven's nigh indestructible pink shields, which they can materialize at any time, either portably or around their entire body. They've also been known to wield Rose's Sword, an absolute giant of a sword that was specifically designed to cut through Gems with ease.

On top their weapons, Stevonnie has access to all of Steven's powers, including his limited flight, regeneration, mental projection, healing spit, and even life creation. The end result is a devastatingly versatile foe, likely the most powerful and versatile across the entire universe, as Stevonnie's three-fourths human physiology makes them immune to most gem neutralizing weapons.

Both Steven and Connie have been trained by the Cystal Gems, the thousand year old protectors of Earth, and both have fought against the toughest warriors the galaxy has to offer. As Stevonnie, they were able to defeat Jasper, a perfect quartz gem super soldier, while both of their components have teamed up to save the entire planet from the Homeworld Empire on several occasions.

All together, Stevonnie is the best attributes of both their components, making them arguably the greatest hero in the universe. The perfectly embody the compassion, trust, and hope that their relationship is built on. The perfect representation of both Steven and Connie.

Throwdown Breakdown:

This fight is an interesting one. Both characters share quite a few strengths and weaknesses. While both fusions can be undercut and even destroyed if their components aren't seeing eye to eye, the situation here is pretty unlikely to create that internal conflict and neither one of these fighters would willingly press each other's trauma buttons even if they had the means to.

Both should be pretty even in terms of skill. Both fusions are made up of some of the best fighters their universes can offer, to the point where some of their best feats were considered completely impossible. Connie can fight as an equal with and against centuries old Gem warriors, all while swinging around a sword roughly as big as she is, cutting through cars in a single swing. On the other hand, Nepeta is such a skilled fighter and proud hunter that she's completely unaffected by the hellish nightmares that plague troll kind, as for her, it's just reliving proud memories of the hunt. And so on.

On the one hand, I do think Stevonnie is going to be better coordinated tactically. Steven and Connie have been close friends since childhood, going on constant death defying adventures together while Dave and Nepeta are relative strangers brought together by happenstance. However, I would say Davepeta's skill feats as a whole edge out Stevonnie's. Both characters have fought against ancient empire built on Eons of conquest, but whereas the Homeworld Empire has always been a massive threat, Nepeta and her friends curbstomped roughly 90% of Derse with disappointing ease, minus some roadblocks here or there. So really, it all kinda cancels out skill wise, with one team being better together innately while the other is more skilled in general.

Ultimately, this is decided by powers and abilities. In which case, I'd say Davepeta's arsenal counters Stevonnie's.

Intangibility is a perfect counter against Stevonnie's shields, Davepeta has slightly better flight due to it not being just a form of self gravity manipulation like what Steven does, and Nepeta has innate mental resistances the nullify Steven's telepathic powers.

Remember those dreams I mentioned earlier? It's been very heavily implied that these nightmares are either caused by the horrorterrors, or by the purple bloods keepinh Alternia in line. Either way, that's a massive scale of mind control that Nepeta is simply unaffected by, meaning she should be able to just push Steven out of Davepeta's mind if he tries anything.

While this would by no means be an easy fight, especially with Stevonnie's fast acting regeneration, Davepeta's intagibility is a counter that Stevonnie simply has no real answer too. It would be a hard fought fight... but the Sprite beats the Gem this time.

This Month's Winner is...

Davepetasprite^2!

[queerlymasculine]

What My 24/7 D/s Dynamic Is Like (no, it's not like that)

what up, gamers, my name is Seth

I'm a man in my 30s, and the other day, I realized that I'm in a 24/7 dynamic with my partner and dom. now, you might be wondering - and justifiably so - how I didn't know that, and you would be even more justified to be extremely skeptical of my intellectual capacity when you learn that I've been with my partner for almost three and a half years and our dynamic existed from the beginning lmao

but here's why: my 24/7 dynamic does not look like any definition or description of a 24/7 dynamic that I have ever heard or read.

whenever I heard about any kind of kink being 24/7, it was usually - but not always - in the context of total power exchange (TPE). if it wasn't a 24/7 TPE, the seemingly most important defining characteristic of a 24/7 dynamic was the emphasis on rules that one partner follows even when another is not (others are not) present. these rules could be sexual in nature or not but often or usually included both.

routine was another defining characteristic. one partner adheres to the rules or routine governing certain activities (getting up, bedtime routine, etc.) at all times. the routine wouldn't always be an everyday routine, but every time X condition applied, you do Y and Z, and the consequence of noncompliance* is punishment of some kind, whatever was decided upon by all parties. compliance was often rewarded but not always or at least not part of the established plan.

Sometimes the rules and routine could relate to domestic duties. Sometimes a person would have to keep their partner(s) updated about whether they were following the rules.

The narrative was always one of control, of restriction, of limitation. whether these themes were explicit is beside the point. you can't do this, you have to do this by or before this time, etc. It was one partner telling the other no.

And that............. is not for me. good on you if it's your jam and you're able to negotiate a scenario that hits all your buttons, but it's not for me.

I don't enjoy rules. I don't like having the specter of failure lurking in the back of my mind. I don't want to live with the anxiety that comes with the potential to disappoint someone I care about very deeply, whose opinion of me truly matters to me. I don't want to be deprived of the flexibility to dictate the rhythm of my day.

and you know what, I just don't want to be told what to do during my everyday life. I don't want someone telling me I should be punished for making choices I'm entitled to make as an adult. the idea of having my autonomy limited in any way genuinely pisses me off. there is no world in which rules between me and a partner are anything but inevitable sources of guilt, shame, fear, self loathing, and misery.

similarly, an established routine is quite frankly incompatible with my brain. there would legitimately be no point in even trying. but honestly, the real reason I hate the very idea of it is because a scenario in an interpersonal relation where there is some kind of expectation regarding how I choose to spend my time and the possibility of negative consequences for failure to comply is an inherently coercive and miserable situation to me. I know a lot of people want a little help achieving certain goals - maybe having a consistent sleep schedule or being more consistently on time for things, whatever it might be - because those kinds of things can be really hard and being accountable to someone else motivates them, and that's great for them, but that's not how it works for me. I'm independent. if I am going to do something, it is will be the result of an active choice that I have made. other people's opinions or feelings on the matter are never significant factors in my decisionmaking process. they never have been. my entire life has been a series of decisions I have made to build for myself a life worth living when the people around me wanted me to accept conditions that might have killed me if given enough time. I'm not exaggerating.

this applies not only to big decisions but also the small, everyday ones. for example, I'm trying to eat takeout only once a week. I'm sure I don't have to tell any of you that anything more than that is really expensive and most likely inconsistent with reasonable health outcomes lol

some people might get a lot of value out of coming up with an agreement with their partner to help them stick to that goal, and honestly, I can understand how that might be helpful for someone, if that's your jam.

but here's where I differ: the significance of my decision to be mindful of my money and advance my health goals is derived entirely and exclusively from the fact that I am actively choosing those things every single day to the best of my ability. that I can just as easily and without external consequence choose to get food delivered three times a week is a crucial part of the equation.

okay real talk I literally just had a revelation as I work on this post. I realized that the problem with the imposition of rules and routine intended to result in me taking care of myself is how it makes self care compulsory. I would not be doing it for myself; I would be doing it to avoid punishment, disappointment, etc.

And that's just........ not good. that is the opposite of self care. self care isn't what happens if you just check the right items (and enough of them) off a to-do list. it's not the inevitable product of doing a specific number of specific actions.

anyway, back to my point--

so, you're probably still asking exactly how it took me three and a half years to realize I'm in a 24/7 dynamic.

well, it's because we don't do any of the shit I used to associate with the idea of a 24/7 dynamic.

rules? we don't have them. we don't play with anything even remotely close to that universe, not even when we're joking around. really.

routines? nope.

tasks I am required to do? no. tasks that my partner would like it if I did? no.

punishment if I do/don't do something specific during a play session or in the course of a regular day? no. we don't even play with the language of punishment, discipline, correction, etc. we're not interested.

so, the question remains --

what does a 24/7 dynamic look like if those elements are not present?

uhh we both work full time and live in different states so... there is that. in terms of what occupies the overwhelming majority of my time and energy, from an external perspective, I am doing what I would be doing on my own. I work, I play video games, I spend time with my friends, I go to therapy.

now that I'm trying to explain it, I'm struggling to find words.

it's the way we relate to each other, the way we interact. a mutual understanding of what we have decided to build together. it's so simple and straightforward and profound in its simplicity -- ze takes care of me, I let hir take care of me.

it probably sounds like I'm getting the better end of the deal. after all, the sentence I wrote kind of makes it seem like I'm the passive beneficiary of hir love and efforts, offering nothing in return. I wouldn't be surprised if someone thought, "What's in it for hir?"

and that's the thing.

it's not an exchange. it's not a deal, it's not a bargain. there's no admission fee, no price to pay. I haven't given anything up, and ze hasn't taken anything away.

I feel like this will be incomprehensible to many people and even not qualify as kink to a few.

ze wants to take care of me. ze wants to call me sweet thing and tell me I'm a good man and a good boy, and I want hir to say those things to me. I want to be safe, I want to feel safe, and ze is safe, and with hir, who I am and what I am, my feelings, my thoughts, my fears -- it's okay. I don't have to be pleasant and sunny if I'm actually feeling grumpy. I can feel grumpy, and I can express that I'm grumpy instead of packing it all away so it doesn't kill the mood.

there's no threat of failure, no standards to conform to, no goals to achieve, no expectations to meet. we're just gentle and sweet to each other, that's all.

I'm hirs, yes, ze owns me, that's the language we have chosen to use, but it would be a mistake to try and understand our dynamic through the lens of capitalism. capitalism cannot comprehend ownership devoid of exploitation, and thus, many people would not consider this ownership. after all, capitalist ownership is about control, it's defined by the right to control and make decisions about your property, and ze doesn't make any decisions for me. so how is that ownership?

exactly.

also, 24/7 dynamics that other people have have always sounded like so much fucking work to me. what we have is so natural and easy. it's easy to be sweet and gentle with hir. ze is easy to talk to. ze is easy to trust. the hardest part of this relationship has been learning to allow myself to ask for what I want and what I need and not judging myself for daring to want or need something. actually getting and giving what I want and need is easy.

anyway. it's been a long day and my brain is tired. I just wanted to share all this so hopefully fewer people will walk around with the misconception that kink is only one specific thing or the idea that you have to give things up in order to get what you are looking for. you don't have to.

oh and by the way this shouldn't be understood or interpreted as some kind of commentary on anyone else's relationship. it's a description and explanation of my relationship and why it works for me and my partner.

*to me, compliance/noncompliance are not the same concepts as obedience/disobedience. You can comply with the rules but find ways to subvert the spirit of them if you get creative and believe in yourself.

[larrythefloridaman]

through improv and sheer serendipity kerfuffle depicts a more realistic dysfunctional family dynamic than some prestige melodramas with the ciblings. I keep talking about this because it all compels me so much.

Prism is the root. but the way that shes treated them all creates this vicious self-perpetuating dysfunction by, intentionally or not, pitting them against eachother in a way that reflects real abuse tactics- it becomes more difficult to identify the real problem if your victims are too busy infighting to realize their common enemy and band against you.

Cobalt tries to protect Crimson and Chartreuse by making them follow The Rules™️ so prism wont involve herself, but this redirects their resentment of her onto him, especially in circumstances like cpuk white/orange, where Prism enables Crimson by freeing him unconditionally without any strings attached (hes supposed to be the powerful bad guy thats fun to fight, not out of prison on parole on his best behavior to not get put back in, she needs to enable and push him to act his worst,) until Cobalt swoops in with conditions to try to do preemptive damage control by making up some rules for crimson to have to follow, critically that he has to Get Back in his Living Jail Cell (crimsonaut) at the end of the tournament. And i dont think crimson would've tried to kill the poor guy if his existence wasn't Actively A Threat To His Freedom! He clearly likes the little dude, he's didn't do that because he Wanted to he just refused to get stuffed back in the jar. he's just. a pretty ruthless pragmatist about certain things and will absolutely do whatever he feels he needs to to accomplish an endgoal of sufficient importance, even if he doesnt feel great about it.

Which cobalt finds distasteful and shitty, and Crimson trying to trigger an apocalypse of sorts apparently just to spite him and rub his face in his failure to protect Mark's universe of origin (while also, in the process and intentionally or not, demonstrating his own system's strength through stress-testing,) even more so. And a lot of the time he's not even Wrong that things crimson does are morally shitty its just that being a god, especially one who wields their power effectively, is sort of inherently unethical in a way I don't think Cobalt's willing to fully accept, and Crimson may be an asshole but hes the one of these two who can generally come out of the trolley problem having chosen correctly, y'get me. Cobalt provably has allowed many many people to suffer through his refusal or inability to take action to prevent it because it would mean having to get his conscience dirty by making a less than ideal choice, and Crimson hates that he has the gall to judge how Crimson performs his duties when the facts are what they are, and Cobalt IS an irrational idealistic hypocrite who doesn't know what he's talking about! He kind of has to be! because the kinds of expectations and circumstances that are placed on them are fundamentally contradictory because, as i said, its kind of impossible to Ethically Be God, and as such if he has to babysit prism's temper so his siblings don't get hurt by keeping them in line and behaving and being Good, he has to operate by following what he can glean of fundamentally irrational and deliberately obtuse rules to the best of his ability, because child abuse is fundamentally irrational. But Cobalt doesn't get that! This is his normal and he doesnt have enough experience outside his bubble to really get how not normal it is! He doesn't feel he needs to justify any of this rationally because their godhood makes them Exceptional, they get to decide what is and is not rational for someone in their position, at least until Prism pulls his entire identity out from under him like a rug. But Crimson through his rebellion demands he make sense without really putting together why Cobalt, attempting to be obedient and dutiful, Acts Like That and dismisses his challenges to the rules as insubordinate and irresponsible, because he doesn't get that Cobalt's criticism is irrational because Prism's irrational and he has to measure by her standard, which she won't make clear. Neither of them get that neither obedience nor rebellion will get them treated better, until they find out their true purposes and the futility finally clicks. But by now they've built up so much baggage around this dynamic and their roles that Cobalt's default with Crimson is accusatory and judgemental, Crimson is the Problem Child and is treated as such, and Crimson, having enough worldly experience with mortals to have reference for what normal is actually supposed to look like and now knowing all his rebellion was pointless, has taken to rationalizing his abuse as having actually been Uniquely Fine because he was a Bad Kid™️ y'see, the god of treachery, Assigned Problem At Birth, even if he'd never want to see any other kid treated like he was, and not really seeing that for the cognitive dissonance that it is just yet.

Meanwhile Chartreuse has seen ALL of this dynamic for what it is for god knows how long. The Futility and overwhelmingly tangled whole of it all frustrates her and its miserable and she wishes they could just stop fighting and see the truth, but she can't really bridge the gap in understanding between them, because she can't tell them anything without risking Prism coming down on her, so she plays her role as best she can when the rules are made up and make no sense but not following them could get her killed, her only option left knowing all this being to stop caring, and so time blurs together in a miserable featureless repetitive slog of overwhelming pain and nonsense........ until she gets out. And now everything is novel and exciting again, and she has to find her footing in a whole new world when her old life and experiences alienate her, and she has all these new challenges that other people don't have because of the environment she was raised in, but she'd sincerely rather die a normal death after a well-lived life than go back to that unending 'special' hell. And god, good for her

[specialmouse]

If being transgender is inherently reinforcing gender roles, then isn't transitioning as a transgender woman also inherently sexist? I ask this in good faith as a closeted transgender woman who doesn't want to transition in order to avoid reinforcing misogynistic values.

I think first and foremost it's important to understand that misogyny is baked into almost every facet of (at least my and many others') society. Cis women are not somehow magically not sexist for being "female" just as "males" aren't biologically predetermined to be sexist. It's just what happens when we live in a patriarchy. We all suffer for it because of how it's structured. Please don't take what I said as reasons not to transition. Anything you do within a gendered society is going to be reinforcing gender roles/expectations to a certain extent. I view gender as a construct that doesn't NEED to be around, yet still is incredibly pervasive and will continue to be for tens of thousands of years, if not the rest of human existence. There's nothing you or I can do to change that, on a fundamental level. When I, as a closeted transgender man, wear makeup and low-cut tops and lower my voice around men, etc., I am also enforcing gender roles. I'm doing what I feel like I need to in order to be treated better by those around me. It doesn't make it more righteous or fair because I'm a "female" and less so for you because you're "male". What you would be doing as a transgender woman by transitioning is no different, and in some ways it is even more important for you to adhere to those roles for your own safety, as deviation from the "norm" stands out to people, makes you more visible.

Forgive me if this is undue projection, but I understand the feeling of... almost interloping into a community that may or may not view you as an oppressor. As a closeted transgender gay man who 100% presents as a cishet woman in day to day life, it worries me that I'm somehow fetishizing gay men and their (our?) struggles and joys because I haven't experienced what most of them have. That's not my fault, I didn't choose to be like this. It's important to realize that there are facets of this community you don't understand that are important to a lot of people, and you should learn them. Here's the thing, though: transgender people have been around for tens of thousands of years, in different forms under different names. Contemporarily, I believe we are in a time where we are under more scrutiny than ever before, and we turn that inwards on ourselves as well. So, as someone who is female, or whatever, you are not being sexist by transitioning. You have one life, and that life should be spent doing what makes you feel best, not adhering to some people's moral codes. It's good that you're aware of the fact that you could harbor some sexist ideas, especially growing up "male" in a patriarchal society you are told certain things that could engrain themselves in you later on, but then again so does literally everyone else. Some of the most sexist people I've ever met have been cisgender women. And once you do transition, you lose that "male privilege" almost immediately. It's entirely conditional.

The only people that truly think the act of transitioning is sexist are TERFs, who have a very black-and-white view of the world on "biological" lines. Does biological, sex-based oppression exist? Yes, in varying intensities around the world. Does that mean that you being more feminine, going on estrogen, getting SRS, etc., is part of that? Of course not, it never has been. I want to make that very clear.

I hope this answer makes sense, I'm really tired but I wanted to answer this in good faith for you. I struggle a lot with the "morality" of my transition and have recently come to the conclusion that it doesn't fucking matter. We are going to die, perhaps sooner than we thought. Grow your hair out, make your voice higher, put some lipstick on whether in your bathroom or out in public, if that feels good to you. Go by another name, kiss someone who likes girls. You are not a bad or sexist person for doing that, not even close.

[cripple-culture-is]

Hi, I have a question. No pressure if you don't feel comfortable answering. But I've been experiencing chronic pain for quite a while now and I'm not legally considered disabled. I was just wondering what the parameters were to identify as disabled. Like, if I don't have any diagnoses can I still identify as disabled? Or not?

Hi! No, it's no problem at all.

The main question here would be, how much would you say your chronic pain affects your life? You don't inherently have to be legally considered disabled in order to actually be disabled. It does help immensely though, as it does mean you are protected by the ADA (if it's enforced, of course, that's a whole can of worms). However, what many people don't realize is that you don't suddenly become disabled when you are legally considered disabled. You were disabled before, you were just PROVEN disabled in the eyes of your doctor and the government.

So for me, my chronic pain affected me so much as a child that I couldn't walk for long periods. I couldn't take many steps without my feet, ankles, and knees burning. Because of this issue, my parents spoke to my pediatrician, and that conversation led to me getting a doctor's note for a permanent disability placard and plates. But I was technically already disabled before then. Because if I wasn't, the placard and plates--the legalities--wouldn't have even been considered in the first place.

If your chronic pain affects your day to day life and impairs your ability to do certain things, some of which that might be considered things non-disabled people can do, then you are disabled.

Whether the government recognizes it or not. I'm not technically disabled in the eyes of the SSI/SSDI. I've never applied for benefits, nor do I want them/need them. But to my doctor and the government as far as accommodations go, I am disabled. Permanently. I always will be physically disabled.

But I didn't suddenly become physically disabled when I got my doctor's note, nor when I got my placard and plates. I was disabled before that. I became physically disabled when my symptoms impacted my ability to live my life like other people did. I became physically disabled when I couldn't walk for as long as other children and other people. THAT'S when I became disabled. NOT when my pediatrician and local DMV said "yes, you can have these accomodations". And honestly, I could've probably been considered legally disabled when I was younger than when I got my plates as I couldn't walk when most kids are able to.

This is the same for diagnoses. I didn't SUDDENLY have arthritis when I was diagnosed at 9 months. I had it before that point, at the latest 4 months. You don't suddenly have a condition just because you're diagnosed with it. You had that condition before. You were just PROVEN to have that condition. Does that make sense?

As for the diagnoses part, I'd say yes. If we gatekeep physical disability to only those who are diagnosed, it puts up barriers to those who have not received a diagnosis due to possible discrimination. People of color often face barriers when getting diagnosed. And medical gaslighting is very real and may affect someone's ability to be diagnosed. Now yes, it does lead to issues with those who DO fake disabilities. But fakers are rarer than actual disabled people.

If your chronic pain affects your ability to function on a daily basis or often enough to be a problem, then yes, you are disabled. However, without knowing you, I cannot officially "diagnose" you as being disabled.

That's something you'd have to judge for yourself and really research. But the fact that you're even asking if your chronic pain would count as a disability already tells me that your chronic pain affects you to the point of you questioning if you're disabled.

I hope this helps!

[tribbetherium]

another big ask clump 2

I've kind of run out of ideas for that one, sadly. But everyone's free to contribute, expand and write more concepts into it! As long as they credit and tag, of course.

I'd imagine something along the lines of the game Jurassic World Evolution lol.

I'm no good at game modding but I've seen some mods turn its dinosaurs into different creatures entirely? Hmmm...

So far, none yet. I'm trying to avoid oversaturating the project with sophonts as some projects seem to sometimes do: it kind of creates the impression, intentional or not, of "goal-oriented evolution" with sophonce and civilization as its peak, rather than a rare circumstance, a lucky fluke of evolution, that simply arises whenever conditions are right and is not inherently better or more perfect than other organisms.

Given that even closely related animals such as horses, zebras and donkeys can make such wildly different sounds I imagine they wouldn't really sound much like their earth counterparts. A factor that might add is the presence of cheek pouches that many species use partly or entirely as a means of sound production or amplification. I do sort of imagine loupgaroo calls to be somewhere between wild dogs' whooping cries and more rodent-esque whistling pitched down, and for the calls of tigerillas to be deep throaty vaguely ape-like hooting (Sheather apparently did some sound clips of some Serina creatures' calls, I have no idea how to do similar sound mixing).

I haven't really considered the idea of how they'd work in outside contexts, especially outside the sci-fi genre and well into the fantasy genre with supernatural and magical elements. Though I can picture that in such scenarios their main advantage would be numbers and sheer ferocity, and for the individual races the Bruteriders' rakatusks, the Rockcookers's metalwork and the Squeakwegs' seagoing skills and specialization at hunting large marine animals could make these three in particular the best suited for such settings and able to pose a threat to rival non-harmster factions. Frazettas would just be akin to savage trolls and the Decadents and Purebloods are weak, inbred royalty that didn't even endure the onslaught of fellow harmsters, let alone more overpowered fantasy races.

The forbidding of cannibalistic behaviors, for one. To harmsters it has a ritual and cultural significance of "partaking of their fallen enemies and making their strengths their own" but once they realize that's a vector of a nasty plague that would be the first thing to go. They were reduced to a few hundred individuals at that point so inbreeding would have brought about some problems too: the dwindled population and the lack of rival factions might have forced a unity to survive, but given their socially conditioned aggression that fuels their innate psychology and instincts, such a unity would be likely tenouous and if their populations managed to grow again there would be a fragmentation of factions once more. Alternatively, it may force an ideal akin to the mountain harmster onto them: while still somewhat savage and darwinistic, they wouldn't consider it worthwhile to fight and kill each other on a whim.

Sundown is a mixen with some boldmark ancestry. Bigpup is a brownhound, and the rest of her adopted children are mixens too, of varying genetic ancestries.

Northhounds don't always reject young that are different, more often than not accepting them perfectly well as long as they are capable of living a normal life. However, the mixens are a very diverse blend of cultures and bloodlines incorporating elements of both the red northhounds and the brown northhounds, so there are varying cases of superstitions among them, and as with all intelligent species, there are just an occasional few who happen to be jerks.

Darker, melanistic colorations are considered more attractive in many brownhound cultures, while lighter ones less so, so the leucistic Snowcloud is just a particularly "ugly" one to them.

The two individuals in the Pink Sky are a drysander and a boldmark: the drysanders, living in harsh climates and being wary of dangers and "different" things, are not quite welcoming of "different" outsiders very much, which is why the two snuck off together.

Small, skink-like rattiles, such as the whiatlards, are basically found on every continent at this point, as are the wingles due to their ability to fly. The burrowurms are also widespread thanks to rafting, but the para-venomous piedvipers are found mostly in Mesoterra and Arcuterra. The predatory shearwurms are found only in Mesoterra.

The heavy-bodied chelonian-like shingles are found in Gestalia, Arcuterra and South Ecatoria, the semiaquatic freshwater ones are found more in tropical Gestalia and Arcuterra where there's less competition from the freshwater leviahams and the croctopi, the ones of South Ecatoria and Austro-Easaterra are small hibernators due to having to deal with southern winters.

Arboreal shingles are found more on Gestaltia and Arcuterra: Gestaltian tree shingles are slow and heavily armored as they feed on sabertrees, Arcuterran tree shingles are more of agile tree-climbers with flashy patterns and are ancestral to the wingles.

Myrmecophagous pangolin-like hameleons are a Gestaltia endemic, and the aquatic sterapins and monisaurs that are still semi-terrestrial can be found on basically every continent's coast thanks to their ability to swim long diatances. North Westerna and Isla de Oof have flightless wingles, the Midland Archipelago has the carnivorous varats, and Fragmus has large herbivorous armored shingles loosely comparable to Galapagos tortoises.

[lovelanguageisolate]

Man, I am 2 for 2 on fun conversations with ~randos in my neighborhood.

Waiting in line to get an afternoon coffee, I overheard two men, a beared white guy and a goateed Asian-American guy, talking about neurodivergence and then military IQ tests.

Usually, when I hear people discussing IQ tests in public, at least if they're dicussing their own IQ scores, I tentatively bin them as weird dick-measurers. But...this felt different, and so I broke into their conversation.

I mentioned that Bobby McNamara, our secretary of defense under LBJ, expanded military induction to low AFQT scorers during the Vietnam War, which resulted in many of those low scorers getting killed on the battlefield due to inability to understand battle conditions and difficulty following complex directions, and how this was widely regarded as awful public policy by those who understood it.

One of the men I was speaking to said this didn't surprise him; he and his conversational partner had been in a program where "NUKEs" (Naval nuclear technicians, who were drafted from the top echelon of AFQT scorers) were trained alongside low test performers, and the on-the-job differences between the two cohorts were really obvious. Everyone who works on a US Navy submarine, all of which are nuclear-powered, is a high AFQT scorer because there's lots of technical material to absorb in training, delicate chemical tests need to be carried out, complex safety protocols need to be followed, etc., and AFQT scores statistically predict competence in such roles well.

The mention of nuclear technical programs piqued my interest, so I asked him more. He said he received some training on reactor operation but was never stationed on a sub. Then I asked him if he was familiar with the Air Force's nuclear-powered aircraft program. That got him visibly excited, which got me excited. We talked about the molten salt coolant and the fuel dissolved in it.

The Asian guy asked how the reactor was used to propel the plane. Racking my brain, I said the reactor creates a heat gradient, which has to drive a propeller housed in an engine cowling. I was missing a vital detail that the hot coolant runs though a heat exchanger positioned in the compression chamber; this raises pressure, and a turbine uses the pressure to drive a shaft to compress the incoming air (which, I presume, raises efficiency). Whenever you have a temperature gradient, I said, you can harness it to do mechanical work—at once true and a punt.

I was gonna bring up reprocessing when the Asian guy asked if damage to the aircraft reactor would turn the aircraft into a dirty bomb. The white guy said the molten salt reactor is inherently safer than widely-used light water reactors because it's kept at atmospheric pressure and is already liquid so cannot melt down. There's nothing to disperse the material. Plus, said the white dude, there's far less waste (mid-long lived radionuclides, all of which are actinides, are burned off during operation).

Very excited now, I brought up the suitability of molten salt reactors for use with the thorium fuel cycle that breeds thorium-232 into uranium-233 for fissile material, making better use of a more abundant material with less proliferation risk. The white guy looked very happy.

He asked if I knew all this because I was interested in a military career. "Not particularly," I said, "I'm just a technology enthusiast. I've been on a nuclear engineering kick for the past couple of months." I had a brief flash of fear that I came across as a foreign intelligence agent.

They said they needed to head out. I asked them if they lived in the area. "Yeah, we live around here. We come by in the afternoon every so often for coffee."

Though I'm happy I'll be moving soon, I realize I'm going to miss this area. Why didn't I start meeting these people three years ago, damn it? Also, moral of the story: talking to people talking about IQ tests may lead to nuke conversations, which are fun.

[jewishrevolutionary]

The entire narrative that there is "undesirable"/menial jobs that people don't want to work and wont work if they are provided with better pay and better working conditions is extremely ridiculous and is clearly propped up by our capitalist system so that: 1. the "desirable"/'mental' jobs (primarily CEOs and management positions) are treated with more respect and usually become the ones we are convinced we need by working the "undesirable jobs" to get to. 2. to completely dehumanize and alienate those who work the "undesirable" jobs. In addition to the fact that more organized labor, like trade work, is treated as skilled labor, whereas being a retail worker, being a coffee shop worker, being a janitor, being a pizza delivery driver, etc. is treated as "unskilled," even when ultimately, labor is inherently skilled in and of itself. Anyone can learn it, anyone can apply it in and out of work. I have talked to pro-union, pro-socialist workers of all varieties, and all have said one thing: "I love what I do, if I didn't, I wouldn't be doing it. I just want fair and good working conditions. I want a say in decisions made in this company, that affect me and my co-workers first."

And that's exactly that. People love doing labor, as labor is our one of our most social behaviors, and I say that because, no matter what type of society we've lived under, the organization of labor and its utilization for society has been a massive part of human society. We as a people really need to realize that social aspect, or else we will continue to disenfranchise and continue to mistreat not only the "undesirable" or "unskilled" workers, but workers of all variants, and ultimately create conflict with the employer class caused largely by the narratives they create around us.

Labor is a part of our everyday life, it makes up a majority of our schedule, and I'm not just talking about the 9-5, 40+ hours shit, but I'm talking about the fact that a lot of our activities revolve around labor and how we labor, a lot of our society and economy revolve around labor. Even if you're not working on scheduled hours and you're at home, you may be working at home by cleaning the dishes, tidying the house or room, gardening, writing a song or a short story, making food for yourself and/or family, etc. It's why Karl Marx emphasizes labor-power instead of just labor and specific types of labor. Every job we engage in, every bit of labor we do, is entirely based on our capabilities to do it. And even if people don't do as much as others, or a disabled person has issues with doing the job as fast or consistent as an employer (artificially) desires out of them, everyone has an ability to do labor. And everyone engages in that, no matter the job you do. The clear and main contradiction in society is that we don't get even barely enough for all the work we do. We should be able to live off of 4 days a week, even less, as a society, but because capitalists are maximizing profits out of how minimal they pay us and treat us (irl min/maxing???), we have to work as much as we can just so we can barely survive. And on top of that, a wave of propaganda that tries to teach everyone that our jobs do not matter and we deserve to be paid less because somehow, working for 8+ hours a day doing various tasks that require any sort of capability is not worth anything, even though it completely takes away our livelihoods. Let's teach them otherwise when we strike.

Sigh.

[scentedchildnacho]

I hadn't read George simmel before he sat down and asked me why I live here.....so annoyed by the dominant tone asked him what he is talking about what a banal thing to ask of no relevance and I asked him why he was such an edgy man what happened to you anyway that your such an edgy man....and the simmel sociology explained his ego can't function without the blaise character he is being Blaise not edgy ......

Then he kept going at me with do you like it here and what's your plan the cops are going to clean sweep.....so again I was like God man so banal and heretics burned at the stake....meaningless all the time what you mean plan what are you talking about in what benevolent universe do you plan things or is plan the you are not special universe and if the black hole sucks everything into ease the pain....

I was like no man you you sitting there drinking and playing possessed and smoking draws cops other people can't cry about their hard life and their broken back and their busted jaw and throat lesion other people got to keep themselves together cops is you man you are who attract cops other people hurt enough and leave those people alone....

Maybe you should take some responsibility for coming around as such an edgy man...when is the possession going to end

Now did you care if I got to be drunk by now in some area free of cop business no...and so you have to get reported

Awful spoiled veteran doesn't care if only he gets to be drunk and is in the most camera space

Its okay I dont cry when I realize I probably won't ever see a way clearly out of this and this will be all life is just so you know I don't cry or anything anymore

Then I was like sober living can be a nice place so why don't you go to sober living.....and he said it costs money....

And he lives in Malibu and he will go home...so I was like yea if you can go home go there

Messianic or apostolic I don't know man I'm going to be patient till a christ figure arrives then like the stories of the bible....I'm going to finally see a city not a hell hole for women like rapid urbanization to cause factory institutions and angel jail births then I will pick up my mat like the colonial war didn't partially blind and deaf me and go to the shine ing city

Or there won't be any Scorpio rising victory in the end and all my strikes of subtly awful labor conditions will be meaningless and the bad gook will turn everything into pho noodles and no one ever will care if anyone is anyone it will all just be Them and I lose and die

But if you ask me the good in the end gets to win...and all your bullshit pessimism and utilitarian justification of ruining people's lives in the name of saving their life will just not inhabit haunt and torture people anymore

Homelessness....simm theory isn't relevant though he is though merely fashionable.....it's not as important as doomsday theory....like the stimulus that is trying to get you to leave your rural customs was threatening to freeze your pipes and collapse the roof on you

Nor can a hyper stimulus like anti freeze constantly blowing into the house have any comment on the innate or instinctual character of the human being but if your going to be that sped up you could make a pen name like Anne Rice to believe you channelled vampires

I did want him to tell me what happens to veterans and their kids though that they don't have inhibitions and show low impulse control...

Iraq attacking Muslim children for cult military rapes...what happens to you all on base I suggest something truly frightening

What happened to me brain washing...I had to go to the dentist and endure a sodomite military rape also.....then Osama bin laden said my religion doesn't get to go no...I'm inherently eve ill to al quaida and fill up the world with mean spirited prudes like Pakistanis that appear pretty at first and later make an inverse Foucault painting on what a mean religion is...

If you ask me if I had to be disturbed as a child by true nightmares then I think you saw people hang people or cut them up...

[kawaiidarknessprincess]

How to escape the matrix and this advice is for myself as well. I haven't escaped the matrix yet. Note I didn't write this article

Escaping the Matrix Ways to Deprogram Yourself

BY SOFO ARCHON

now to deprogram yourself and escape the matrix you’ve been trapped in since the very day you were born:

1. Break the shackles of dogmatic religion

Dogmatic, organized religion imposes on people what to think and what not to, what is good and what is bad, what is right and what is wrong.

Thus, dogmatic religion prevents people from living spontaneously, listening to their heart, seeking the truth and drawing their own conclusions based on critical thinking and experiential understanding. In addition, it divides people into opposing ideological groups and has them fight against each other in the name of God or Truth.

The result? Tremendous emotional suppression, conflict and pain.

To reclaim your freedom, express your authenticity and walk on the path of peace, joy and wisdom, break the chains of dogmatic religion by questioning it and starting your quest for the truth from scratch.

Stop giving your power away to external authority

As children, most of us were taught to doubt ourselves and do only what external authority commands us to. Now, as adults, we don’t trust ourselves anymore, and let others take responsibility for our lives.

For example, we support corrupted politicians who do nothing but lie to us in order to satisfy their hunger for power, being under the illusion that we’re choosing a brighter future for ourselves, when in reality the options we’re given in our pseudodemocratic system are extremely limited and in essence very much alike.

If you want to create true positive change in the world, stop obeying authority figures or waiting for someone to save you, and start taking responsibility in your own hands. In addition, consider joining a community of like-minded individuals and work together to help build a better political system that serves all people, not just the 1%.

Question the dominant economic system

In our global economic system, money is created out of debt, for it’s essentially loaned into existence by banks with interest attached to it. What that means is that there’s always more debt than money in the economy, which has people competing in the market for never enough, and results in economic inequality and social conflict.

In addition, our economic system is based on consumption, since people have to always buy and sell stuff in order for money to keep on circulating in the economy, and hence for people to remain employed. This not only requires the overextraction of natural resources, but also the production of insane amounts of toxic waste that is killing the very planet we depend on and share with countless other beings.

If you agree that our economic system is obsolete and inherently destructive, and would like to help change it from its very foundations, consider doing research on the negative impacts of our global economy, as well as educating yourself on alternative, socially-just and environmentally-sustainable economic systems.

Detach yourself from consumerism

Being brought up in a consumer culture, most of us have been conditioned to believe that money can buy everything we need, including happiness. As a result, we buy products and services without end, yet we always end up feeling dissatisfied and hungry for more of them.

The truth is that shopping can only provide us with temporary, superficial substitutes of what we truly need. And what we need is neither products nor services, but heart-opening experiences such as intimacy with other people and connection with the natural world.

Once you come upon this realization, you’ll stop being concerned about which is the next best thing you can buy, and instead start investing your time and energy on things that actually matter to your well-being.

Beware of the media

Knowledge is power, yet we are drowning in an ocean of information.

Corporate media often presents us with carefully-crafted, misleading information in order to manipulate how we think and behave. Sadly, most people rarely realize that, and end up becoming a cog in the wheel of a propaganda machine that’s filling their minds with lies and half-truths.

Truth seekers don’t accept anything on faith alone. Instead, they try to find evidence to support the information they’re presented with — and if there’s none, they don’t hold that information as true or valid. In addition, they do their best to develop a spherical understanding of any topic at hand by looking into as many different sources of information as they can.

If you don’t like being deceived, mislead and controlled, and sincerely want to better understand what’s going on in the world, be sure to expose yourself to plenty of information sources, and use critical thinking in order to draw your own conclusions. Seeking the truth is an arduous path, but in the end it’s totally worth it.

Read eye-opening books

Most people have associated books with school, and because of that they have developed a distaste or even hate for reading.

But here is an important truth they tend to ignore:

There have been plenty of wise individuals who’ve written books, in which they share their thoughts on life’s problems and how to effectively deal with them. Many of them criticize the workings of society and offer profound insights on how we could help create a more beautiful world.

Therefore, books can be immensely helpful in opening our eyes and improving the quality of our lives. But the vast majority of people spend little to none of their time reading thought-provoking books — hence, they can’t reap the amazing benefits those have to offer.

To get the most out of reading, don’t just pick any book and read it. Rather, read books that are challenging your opinions and beliefs, as well as provide you with new perspectives on life that enable you to better understand yourself and the world. And, beware of “speed reading” that so many “influencers” and self-help coaches mindlessly promote, for if not practiced selectively, it can absolutely ruin your reading — and hence learning — experience. (Watch the video below for more on that.)

conditioned us to feel.

It’s important to note, however, that some people are negatively affected by practicing meditation. This often seems to be related to underlying emotional trauma. So, if you think you could be one of them, perhaps it would be better if you first addressed any serious psychological issues you might be suffering from through some form of therapy.

***

You’ve just made it to the end of this long article, which is a clear sign that you’re serious enough in your endeavor to understand the nature of the Matrix and find out how to escape it. So, from the depths of my heart, I wish you all the best in that hard yet immensely rewarding journey.

“The Matrix is a system, Neo. That system is our enemy. But when you’re inside, you look around, what do you see? Businessmen, teachers, lawyers, carpenters. The very minds of the people we are trying to save. But until we do, these people are still a part of that system […] You have to understand, most of these people are not ready to be unplugged. And many of them are so inured, so hopelessly dependent on the system, that they will fight to protect it.” ~Morpheus, The Matrixing

[rabbitindisguise]

I keep getting really introspective about disability and internalized ableism and how some people claimed that I'd want cure narrative representation/medical model of disability If I Just Understood what it was like to have things like CFS and autoimmune conditions (since I've recovered a bit from my recent problem and relaxed the answer has been No, Absolutely Not to all of these things)

and like I think folks are kidding themselves a little bit. Not about their own feelings, but lots of the things people were claiming were immutable facts about living these sorts of symptoms (and therefore a sort of symptom itself) and experiences were defeated with therapy exercises I've been using for years. So they were wrong about what I would feel because I ultimately don't, even though I "should" since I'm having the problems. It's true that I cried a bit and made some dumb decisions and now it's just as normal as before I knew I had the problem. I'm having a hard time regulating my emotions because I don't have the energy to maintain that kind of composure, so I started being really careful about my daily activities. I know it's easy for me to get short with people, so I'm going to be faster to apologize and avoid touchy subjects for myself. I'm getting repeatedly traumatized and dismissed and undertreated by doctors, so I'm skipping past all medical stuff on my tumblr feed before bed. It hasn't prevented the bad feelings but merely knowing what's happening allows me to use my coping skills, and lets me realize that this isn't my life it's just a current problem I have to deal with.

According to the things people have said before this started happening, I'm supposed to hate my body, to mistrust doctors inherently, to loathe the medical system, and to believe the world is out to get me specifically as a consequence of experiencing these symptoms. I'm supposed to find people embracing disabilities as part of their identity and wanting to see it represented in fiction insensitive to my own experience. And most of all I'm supposed to be angry and bitter and never stop talking about how angry and bitter I am, no matter if other people are uncomfortable by it, and believe people who are uncomfortable by it are the problem.

If I don't, despite all these symptoms and malnutrition and my body having an extended four month long flu vacation, I don't think I ever will. I know my body could get worse and I could get even worse emotionally, but fundamentally there's a phenomenon of people who refuse to accept mental health care because it means that if it helps then it doesn't mean they're actually disabled (despite all the tests and imaging to the contrary).

I also have a huge motivation to maintain my mental health despite all the Physical Problems because psychological symptoms make physical symptoms worse. The stress of having PTSD in a body that is scrambling to do things properly to begin with is a Lot. If I didn't already have a strong motivation to do therapy (to improve my relationships with other people, to achieve my personal goals for being the person I want to be in life), now I have the additional reason that improving mental health improves health outcomes substantially. I'm not sure if the people who have told me these things believe that's science at all, or have even heard of it, because of the ideas that depression is always a misdiagnosis/a diagnosis made in ableism in someone with a physical disability (false). And beyond that it doesn't even matter for me because frankly I've been bipolar and autistic for a long time so the boat has sailed. Maybe that's the schism? By avoiding mental health care seriously they don't have to find out if they were just mentally ill, which their doctors mistakenly assert is a possibility all the time (NO fucked up liver enzymes do not just ~happen~ and any doctor that thinks that is a quack, much like mental health symptoms don't just ~happen~ for three months or more). Any improvement alongside their mental health improvement could be an attack on the sense of self established in the idea that "I have a physical disability, I'm a physically disabled person, anyone who says otherwise is wrong" which reminds me of how I tried so hard to not be like my parents I just ended up acting more and more denial of anything that could be similar to them.

And all this has reminded me of how adults are like "you'll understand when you're older!" but with ableism I guess?? I think there is no practical difference other than that the mental illness and neurodivergence community I had more access to intracommunal mental health supports. In medical condition support groups I've been in they've been actively toxic to my mental health- and even now I sort of group myself as Other from the problems (autoimmune issues) they also assumed I couldn't have (like doctors) because "I'd know what they felt like" if I shared the condition. I'm mentally ill first because anyplace that is inhospitable to the idea that mental welfare is important is inherently inhospitable to me because it goes against my goals for the environments I'll tolerate being in. It sucks that medical illness communities are as toxic as medical doctors, but I guess monkey see monkey do- no good examples to follow, no way to maintain good support skills. Therapists can be bad at stuff in unique ways but self dx is a godsend and therapists being pro self dx is a big reason why I think people are figuring out more about themselves in an autonomous and healthy way (even if the answer is "I'm neurotypical actually" which does happen). I need to start self dxing physical illnesses to get proper assessments that might be productive before I get seriously hurt by doctors not investigating abnormal lab results.

[hussyknee]

You haven't answered my questions, you didn't respond to the posts I linked and you continue to not back up your arguments.

Abuse is defined by effect, not intent. Making neurodivergent and traumatized people question their reality and being lied to when they ask if it's real, and being out of the loop in the middle of a site-wite illusion that people are trying to manipulate real-world databases for, is in fact abuse and can trigger psychosis. This is explained in the posts Iinked.

You can be socially, systemically and institutionally gaslit. Medical gaslighting, for example, is the leading cause of PTSD in disabled and chronically ill people. Disinformation for the purpose of manipulating narratives is called political gaslighting and media gaslighting (be careful googling this because the right-wing has misappropriated the term).This all comes under epistemic gaslighting, an important sociological phenomenon and social justice term. The idea is not without critics, but here's another article that argues for its use.

And as I have said elsewhere: wider social gaslighting is a key component of interpersonal abuse and victimisation. Partners, children, employees, students, disabled people – people see them being abused or evidence of their abuse and trauma and then minimise it, dismiss it, or pretend like they didn't see anything. It makes you question your memories, experiences and feelings. Worse, most people who do this don't intend to harm you; they're just conditioned into a set of beliefs and worldview that makes abuse invisible to them. It's what makes it so hard to acknowledge abuse to yourself and self-validate your own hurt and fear, because it involves understanding that you are seen as acceptable collateral to your community. As social animals realizing that our tribe won't protect us is extremely traumatic and it's very difficult to ever feel safe again.

It's disingenuous to compare the use of gaslighting to the way the word "triggered" has been mocked, misappropriated and devalued by ableists. Nobody is mocking or devaluing the word here. This kind of humour – pranks, "bits" and anything that involves tricking unconsenting parties (as opposed to say, a magic show where people want to be tricked) and the general manipulating of narratives – necessarily crosses boundaries and toys with people's trust in themselves and others. There is an inherent danger and harm in this kind of lying. That's not to say that this kind of humour is always bad and wrong, just that the line between good-humoured fun and bullying can be subjective and easily crossed over. The ability for people to find the truth, tap out or opt out entirely of our shenanigans is the very real line between annoying and cruel. And even then, there are people who might be too afraid of being mocked or lied to that won't ask, and people whose previous gaslighting trauma is triggered by this version of it.

I would gently ask you why you're so upset and opposed to the idea that you might be engaging in something that has the same consequences, or some version of it, for people that you have yourself experienced. It's very important to understand that gaslighting can be inadvertent. The social gaslighting through conditioning I've mentioned earlier, and also clinging to your personal narrative and insisting only your reality and memories are valid are the most common ways we abuse without meaning to.

But aside from all of that, there are many things people do that may cause inadvertent harm to others. We live such wide and waried realities that it's impossible not to infringe on each other's boundaries when living in the crush of humanity. They are allowed to be angry about it and you are allowed to respect that but keep enjoying the things you do, in as ethical a manner as possible. We are not responsible for how others experience the world, but we do have an obligation to be responsible and minimise harm to the vulnerable by practising informed consent. It's not black and white. It's just that there is a line, and it must be seen and adhered to.

As of this writing, Goncharov has been added and removed from the Martin Scorsese filmography Wikipedia page 7 times.

[sour-ghiden]

Another One(Feb 15 2023)

(np) I was in the back seat of my parents truck, with my sister...step-sister. They were driving for days, taking me to see a specialist about something odd that had happened to me, and they think it was something with my brain. It was like most of my intelligence just...disappeared, and apparently it was progressing fast enough that they felt the need to try and get down there as quickly as possible...as they possibly could, flying was apparently to expensive and they didn't know what it would do to my condition. My parents took turns driving and sleeping to get to wherever we were going.

I came back here. I realize that every time I...focus on letting the energy and such run all through me, instead of allowing the inherent distractions that I have; as of late, allowed to wash over me every night, I go to another reality/universe and in that other one, I am basically taking the life away from the me from that one, leaving them somehow..."damaged". Leaving them in a state that....they'll never have anything even close to a normal live ever again, completely disabled, or worse, in a vegetative state, where there's really nothing left of that me. I don't know if I should feel guilty or not because it IS still technically me, but...I do feel bad about it. Unfortunately, what had to be done, had to be done to ensure what has to happen happens, but that doesn't mean I can't, won't, or shouldn't feel bad about whats going on there. I guess it's one way to keep me humble and such.