#I just can't see shit sometimes
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Look what we've become.
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#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wei wuxian#jiang cheng#Initially I wanted to do a 'Mutiny' quote to follow the 'Luck runs out' quote.#But the musical earworms demanded a different blood to be drawn. And I think it works just as well.#Alright. It's time to confess something. I really struggled with this comic. I didn't want to draw it. Then I didn't want to upload it.#Because I knew I would be here in the tags writing and backspacing for hours trying to articulate my thoughts.#I'm going to talk about death and grief in the tags today so this is your WARNING to look away if you aren't in a headspace for it.#Sometimes in media there are scenes and characters which land on topics so specific to your wounds that it reopens them all over again.#Because here's the truth. When you've known someone like this for nearly your whole life...it doesn't matter how bad the fight is.#You always think 'We'll always have time. One day this dust will settle and we'll rebuild the bridge.'#And then the fucker dies!!! He dies and suddenly there will never ever be time to repair the rift.#Someone you loved died thinking you hated them. And part of you did just a bit. But love and hate aren't mutually exclusive.#He's fucking dead and you are left with so many broken and unfinished pieces between the two of you.#Jiang Cheng loses Wei Wuxian thinking that WWX thought they hated each other.#He's a younger brother who will one day be older than the person he lost.#Who has no one else in the world who understands those feelings of love and hate and grief.#I can't be normal about this character. I don't think he even heals me. Zero catharsis to be gained here.#I just look at his sour grape ass and think 'shit that's a little too close to home.' JC is my discomfort character.#I'm probably going to regret being this vulnerable in the tags in like. An hour. So. sorry if you see this once and never again.#EDIT: Yeah sorry this took 4 hours to muster the courage to post. Surprise update!#EDIT 2: You guys were being too nice to me on my sad comic to point out the spelling error. I have fixed it now B'*)
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Assorted Horror and Killer doodles since there aren't enough of them c:
Killer by Rahafwabas Horror by Sour-apple-studios
#UTDR#UTMV#My Art#Killer Sans#Horror Sans#Pigeon look!! I remembered :D#Sadly my uncle did not leave early the other day but I finally had some time and finished them!#I know everybody has the hc that Killer climbs Horror like a cat tree when he's bored#And I like to think Horror's starting to deal with it by giving him a task like helping with food prep#Killer likes the motion and sound of chopping stuff#But also sometimes he just wrestles him about it because y'know. he's annoying (affectionate)#Also I didn't draw it cause I think I've drawn it somewhere before but I like to hc that Killer can barely see in the dark#Because of his lack of eyelights and the goop and everything his vision's kinda shitty when there's other impairments#And Horror loves sneaking up and scaring the shit out of him when he can't see#It's an easy target but he can't resist#I just want you to imagine Cross holding Killer's hand guiding him down a dark hallway like he's helping a lil old lady cross the street#And then Horror suddenly shouts from right behind them and Killer jumps into Cross's arms shaggy and scooby style#They're silly your honour c:#Anyway I have. like 3 different ideas I wanna do to sounds tiktok style#(Yes they're all game grumps clips sssshhhh)#I may have to make some kind of mini compilation or something idk
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Here's the thing: I don't think Tashi and Patrick would have worked in the long run, even if Art hadn't meddled, because neither of them was willing to be a 'fan in each other's club,' which is why in a lot of ways their both drawn to each other – neither of them are gonna coddle each other, their going to call each other out on their bullshit, to criticise each other, to be each other's biggest critic and I think both Tash and Patrick are attracted to that, as well as attracted to the raw talent they both have. However, that doesn't mean they have the makings of a long term relationsip.
But don't get it twisted. Art did meddle.
I see a lot of people here wanting to make Art a passive participant in this, but he's not. Whether it's because he doesn't want to be left out or jealous (he wants Tashi, but he also wants Patrick), he deliberately planted the seeds of doubt in both Tashi's and Patrick's minds. Yes, they both clock it right away; Tashi says, "your a bad fucking friend", as well as what Patrick says in the churro scene.
He still ends up being the catalyst for the fight, putting doubt in both their minds that the other just isn't really into the thing they have together. As Zendaya herself says: Art is a snake. And here's the thing: they're all bad people at certain points in the film. That's literally the point; people don't have to write analyses as to why Art isn't. He's just as messy and ruthless as Patrick and Tashi are. The only difference is that Art is a sheep in wolf's clothing. He's not outwardly those things, but deep down inside he is.
For me, that's why the throuple works; they've all done shitty things and been shitty people to each other. But they need each other to survive; all three of them, they all need something the other brings to survive, that's why it's codependency the movie. We don't have to 1) make anyone the centre; they are all equally important to the throuple, and I need people to stop pushing out the POC women in favour of two white guys alone and 2) make anyone the victim or doormat.
#challengers movie#tashi duncan#patrick zweig#art donaldson#I'm done seeing the “art is a baby” shit#josh o'connor#zendaya#mike faist#no because sometimes i think people can't just like it for three shitty people#like that's the story
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If you draw dip i woul be sooooooo happy
So I like to imagine Damien likes to fill in Pip about what happens back on Earth
#veearts#south park#sp fanart#fan art#damien thorn#phillip pirrup#pip#dip#damien x pip#i will talk more about this:#they become besties in hell u can't convince me otherwise#based this also a bit off of Damien still being in the bg sometimes#but yeah I think pip would be a bit bummed about passing so soon#ofc he's like well I guess I'm just unlucky oh well! but he'd miss being around everyone#even if they were pretty mean...#as they get closer Damien would tell him about the latest crazy shit that goes on#but he hides it under a lot of fake and real frustrations#pip very much appreciates it and can kinda sorta see through#and yeah basically this is canon in my head thanks
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rye in the sheltered glade with evka and antoine after destroying the blight eruption with unholy amounts of alchemical fire, looking Directly at lucanis studying a flower as it emerges undaunted from the thousand year horrors of the blight with all the guileless wonder and fascination of a little boy: yeah that's uh. wow. that is beautiful actually. this kind of does change everything doesn't it
#first and foremost and always. a simp. antoine and rye handshake meme: when bae 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰#dragon age#dragon age: the veilguard#dragon age: the veilguard spoilers#dragon age spoilers#lucanis dellamorte#oc: Ellaryen Ingellvar#rook x lucanis#rookanis#also I am getting several of davrin and lucanis' dumbest little banters right after that. so the feeling#that the mood is just. sort of buoyant and giddy afterwards and the best boys squad are having a good silly day. *whisper* perfect#I've brought them out together so much over the course of the game I can't believe I haven't had lucanis in his absolute troll era yet#one starts to *kind* of see where illario might have been coming from a little bit dhfksjfha (that's a lie lucanis get behind me#it's your maker-given right to be an annoying little shit sometimes)#that camera zoom in on lucanis though? a death blow aimed specifically at me and my person#davrin in the background gazing up at the tree that's grown strong roots and stands tall and proud even in difficult ground. also v good#good party to bring to this (honestly ALL of the characters slot in here and feel very meaningful it's uh. almost like#they're doing something thematically that threads through the whole game and all of the characters. imagine!)
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btw tw for talking about abuse
I've seen a lot online about how the game never mentions Caterina's abuse of Lucanis while he was growing up (being beaten and starved, which is mentioned in the Wigmaker Job) and I think there's a small mention to it if you're a crow (when asked, he says it was torture training under the first talon and that he resented her for a long time)
And while I do think part of the reason why this isn't brought up is just due to how sanitized this game is when it comes to the crows, I think I do understand why in world wise it's not possible to just be like hey lucanis, fuck your grandma.
It's really hard, loving someone who hurts you. Because you know they're hurting you and yet, you still love them. It's even harder when they're family.
Because its not like Lucanis doesn't know that she hurt him. He says so himself - he hated her, he resented her, and althought I do think him 'justifying' it by saying that at least it prepared him for the life of a crow, at least he still admits that it happened.
But the thing is that despite all this shit, she's still his grandmother. And like, yes, blood shouldn't excuse justifing this behaviour, I feel like it's cultural. Idk how spain or italy works when it comes to family, but here in brazil, you'll hear so many stories of physical abuse happening in families, and its still a situation like Lucanis - i hate them, i resent them, i love them, they're my family.
It's a...complicated situation and I think Lucanis's situation is made worst by the fact that he only has two family members alive and that he cannot let go of.
She beat him, she starved him, he hated and resented her, and he was afraid of dissapointing her, even if in her eyes, i don't think he could. I mean, he comes back an abomination and she still tenderly says 'my poor boy' when you rescue her in the Villa.
All in all...it's tought and I think that it would not be Rook's place to suddenly make Lucanis want to kill his grandma bc he wouldn't. Sorting out those feelings is something he has to do himself, and i'l almost glad the game doesn't make rook do a therapy session with him to talk about it.
#its complicated ok#i've just been thinking a lot about this#bc of my relationship with my mom#and coming to terms that i may be experiencing verbal abuse from her#and the very complex feelings i have in regards to her#so i kinda understand where lucanis comes from?#and why its not adressed in game#this is something lucanis has already come to terms with#there's not a lot you can do about it#maybe after caterina died he would think about it#but its not something that can just be 'solved'#in fact i think if caterina straight up died it would be worst#at least with her alive he could have some time to like fucking properly deal with these feelings#idk i'm not defending caterina#i'm just saying its complicated#idk i just see some posts about 'making lucanis realize all the shit caterina did and go kill her'#and i'm like idk if that would do anything for him#btw don't come for me this is a complicated topic and i did my best to express myself in the wretched language that is english#and when i talk about the cultural part#its bc more than once here you'll have people “brush off” that their parents did those things to them#bc its like...'its been so long and its made into the person i am today and there's not much point in dwelling on it'#it may not be the healthiest thing ever#but sometimes its what you have#sometimes you can't think about it too much if you just want to get on with your day#sometimes its does it even fucking matter its so in the past now#anyways#tw talk of abuse#again DON'T COME FOR ME#lucanis dellamorte
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There's something about like. A certain genre of posts / Online Opinions about insecurity/depression/misery/complaints that are so unhelpful that they wrap right around to being straight up hilarious. and it's the ones that are more or less written to the tone of "Feeling bad? That's gross!" Like, just so you know, don't voice your insecurities/ have low self esteem, because that's offputting! You're gross and weird. Don't be insecure about that, though. That would be stupid if you felt insecure about people disliking you for being insecure. Not attractive. You should be thinking about being as attractive as possible. You shouldn't make comments about suicide, even if you're suicidal! Keep those thoughts entirely to yourself. Make sure nobody around you knows you're thinking about this. It would Make Them Uncomfortable. It's better to keep these thoughts in your head where they can fester. Don't post OR talk to friends with complaints about you feeling miserable or depressed. Tbh people who are sad/upset a lot? Kinda a red flag! You are probably miserable because you're a bad person and you've brought this on yourself. If you don't have friends, it's because you're awful to be around. Easy! Solved the problem for you. And no, there is no nuance to this, got it? So, make sure to feel bad about feeling bad, but don't feel bad about it, because, well, that's just gross. And annoying! You might've wanted your brain rotted thoughts to be Peer Reviewed, you might have just needed to vent- you might've been hoping for some comfort, to get things off your chest. Well, don't! Don't talk about thoughts or feelings that are negative with your friends, you'd be burdening them and that's only meant for THERAPY. #SponsoredbyBetterHelp #MentalHealth like, DAMN. that's so helpful. you're so good at helping. I um really liked the part where these are all hard and fast rules that encourage keeping feelings bottled up and keeping your friends at arm's length. That's really funny of you.
#I FEEL LIKE COMPLAINING RN in the context of this alternate universe these posts live in. that makes me evil rn. I may not even keep#the post up. but I Needed to complain about these bc I hate seeing them#really funny and good because it very much feeds into that part of the brain where you go wait am I stupid? am I horrible? am I annoying?#before you express any kind of personal feelings. from feeling insecure alll the way down the spectrum to feeling like your life is over#before anyone How Dare You Say We Piss On The Poor-s at me YES there is a nuanced version of this#which is. you can make someone feel like shit (A Fellow Sufferer Of The Mental Eelnesses) by using them as your dumping ground#in excess and usually with no regard for how they feel and without Regular conversations inbetween#and in a one-sided way where they can't do the same and complain with you as a sounding board in return#don't tell new friends you hardly know abt THE MOST personal shit you can possibly think of. there are steps being skipped here#right? we know this. we all know it. setting a boundary is a thing. overwhelming a person is a thing#on the other hand there is such a thing as a friend who IS okay to listen and wants to help. and friends who relate.#maybe talking abt personal stuff makes ppl feel closer sometimes. just a thought! maybe not everything is Emotional Labor. maybe just maybe#but like come on. these are almost intentionally unhelpful posts#long post
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There are only so many fanfics that use the entirety of DC as cardboard cutouts to prop up bat family characters that I can read before I go berserk.
I swear to god. Every character that has ever been shipped with a bat or coexists on the same team as a bat is owed an apology.
How many Young Justice fanfics that solely revolve around Tim must exist? How many Titans fanfics centered only on Dick? Why is it a herculean task to find a Justice League fanfic without Bruce as the main character?
And then even when you do find a fic that seems like it's balanced, everything still revolves around the bat. Like Kon, Cassie and Bart have nothing else going on in their lives except Tim and Tim's issues or thinking about Tim. Like Donna and Wally and Roy just cannot function if they aren't spending every waking moment thinking about Dick.
I'm... Guys. I'm at my limit. I swear to god. We need to make a Batman tag and surgically remove all these fics and quarantine them there. We'll keep the actual DC fics and they can do whatever the fuck they want in their own tag. It's getting ridiculous how hard it is to find fanfic that's actually DC related and isn't just 'The BatFam Show'.
#im going INSANE#i literally just have to filter out the batfam characters at this point#and even that doesn't help sometimes#holy shit guys what is GOING ON#seriously if i see one more fic thats all 'haha the justice league meets the batfam and they're so shocked! 😯 because they're crazy 🤣'#i don't know how to explain to you people that THEY HAVE SEEN WEIRDER#a bunch of ninja kids aren't even making the top ten weirdest moments my dude. like. at all.#not even remotely#i can't stress ENOUGH how normal that would be to them#anyway im going fucking bonkers over here#dc#dc comics#or god fucking damnit the YJ fics that literally just have Kon's life revolving around Tim#and Cassie and Bart are just background scenary. and only exist to push Kon and Tim together. I'm going to go fucking nuts#ship whoever you want but at least have the character have an actual character beyond 'love interest'#also jfc. every. single. birdflash fic. that has Wally just be a love interest with literally nothing fucking else going on#except his relationship with Dick. work? family? life? villains?? nope! no he's just madly in love with Dick and cute and thats it!#im GOING INSANE
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Ahahaaaa oh my goddd can you not make "ADHD undereating" and "ADHD overeating" into a competition of who has it worse and who has nothing to complain about, that'd be awesome
#im not even going to reply to that person im not gonna argue with someone who clearly is fucking#grading my symptoms on if they're as bad as their#guess what i also feel like fucking shit when i overeat and it causes my body a lot of stress#and it fucks with my hormones and it fucks with my mood#and i live a piece of shit horrible terrible life whenever I can't get myself out of that and somehow#but my brain makes me do it and it's hard to stop and sometimes i have to eat even when im in pain#cause that's the only way i can concentrate on something or the only way that i can stimulate my brain#even though i feel sick and I don't want to do it anymore so maybe shut the fuck up#oh my godddd#fuck that person#oh i would take overeating any day maybe shut the fuck upppp#overeating especially on foods that stimulate the brain well PUTS YOU IN THE STATE OF UNDERNUTRITION JUST LIKE UNDEREATING#YOU IDIOTTTTT#sorry this is so personal to me and someone just went on a tirade on how much they have it worse cause they don't eat#good lord go fuck yourself#that post was just because i never see anyone talk about this i only ever see the other side of the coin and it makes me feel alone
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yk you can ship bucktommy or buddie, both or neither without being a total asshole, right? because i think some people need to hear that. idk maybe just enjoy what you enjoy and let other people do the same? not everyone has the same opinion as you and i'll be dammed if this keeps me from enjoying the little wee woo show.
#some people in this fandom are so weird and stupid#and i hear some actors are getting hate?? fuck you#it's literally not that serious#no need to get all worked up about it#news flash?? you are not god just shut the fuck up#there's not a single fandom on this planet that just. likes shit and lets others like shit too#sorry for the rant but every single time i scroll through the 911 tag i see a bunch of ship wars and hate to characters and ships#even filtering the tags i can't get away from it bc sometimes they just tag 911#this is so annoying#anyway here's my two cents about it#911 abc#911 show#911 on abc#bucktommy#buddie#yes im tagging both of you.#eddie diaz#evan buckley#tommy kinard#911
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ngl it makes me want to die a little bit that it's so often trans people who feel that sex is mutable but oppression is always-forever based on asab in ways that allow them to demand that information from other trans people. like it feels fucking bad. it feels bad when it's people holding up someone who posts a lot of selfies as transition goals to a degree they have to clarify what they have or haven't done or what "direction" they're going in, it feels worse when people are out there like "caster semenya is not tma" or whatever the fuck. i am, as always, not a trans woman, but here's a sentiment echoed by many of the trans women around me who log the fuck off, quoted directly from one: "people who draw a clear line where they say that semenya or khelif are tme and then call me tma are just calling me male at this point".
like i get it. i really do. we seek community and shared experiences, and we feel betrayed when people have less in common with us than we thought they did. [*more on this later.] but that's not those people's faults and my god in the case i'm seeing play out on twitter rn this poor person did absolutely nothing to intentionally mislead people, just posted pictures of their actual kid self. who looks a lot like i did, because shockingly enough "we can always tell" doesn't fucking work for trans people either!
on the one hand i move in intersex circles which are unapologetically welcoming in cis "dyadic" people with pcos, because it serves nobody to draw a clear line where mutilation or genetics or some ineffable childhood suffering are what make somebody intersex, especially when most of us (esp in places like nz) have never been karyotyped and are being treated for symptoms without a pinned-down cause anyway. the more of us there are the stronger we are, the more pressure we can exert on a medical profession which doesn't like to consider how common outliers are, how uneasy sex is at all. and then on the other hand there's dyadic trans people on the internet who've yelled me out of spaces because a couple of traumatised incarcerated trans women i worked with as a prison abolitionist assumed i was also a trans woman and i didn't immediately tell them my entire csa-involved history of being sexed in varying ways as an infant and child and/or exactly how big my phallus was at birth or where in my junk config my urethra lives so they could decide i was tme or whatever.
returning to the * for a related but not identical thought: i think presuming shared experiences leads to some fucked shit in general! "oh we all had a radfem phase" or "oh we all were channers" no we fucking weren't and it's particularly obnoxious when me & mine are trying to build trans community locally to organise and resist the growing wave of far-right backlash against our existence, and there's just white people in there on a spectrum from "straight up being antisemitic and trying to get the n-word pass" through "handwringing about how they need to make space for people who aren't politically correct" to "handwringing about how brown people are right to be mad at them but doing shit fuckall". and then the other fucking brown people in the space are on some identity politics shit where they're like "trans joy inherently excludes those of us who could get deported" or "big city white queers are killing us by being visible instead of going stealth bc it stirs up the discourse" or whatever the fuck i've heard pulled out this year. there's a bunch of reasons i primarily organise outside of trans spaces and that's one of them. i've never felt more alone in spaces where people claim we're all the same than being left as the brownest moderator or organiser in a space full of people to whom "this is a safe trans space" apparently means they get to abdicate all other responsibilities not to lapse into presumed shared patterns that are fucking racist or otherwise alienating. i've never felt more alone than surrounded by exclusively trans people who sort people into boxes and assume everyone in those boxes has the transition goals they have. like i was on cypro until it disagreed with me to the point of endocrine crisis and now i'm on t and at both those points people were so fucking presumptive or entitled to my reasons or journey or personal relationship w my body
literally just submitted on (and was invited to consult on) the nz law commission's review of the human rights act and like. it's straight up fucked how many nz trans people fully do not comprehend that any "sex assigned at birth" type definitions fundamentally exclude migrants who have no way of proving it and many intersex people who happen to have been reassigned later or many times or never assigned at all as a baby. we can't make law with this shit and that's why we have to have symmetrical protections for all genders/sexes/expressions/presentations, bc naming and defining a protected class here often leaves the people who already are left out from those shared experiences of marginalisation out in the cold when they face violence
#reblogs turned off because obviously i'm already bracing to be pilloried for saying one thing not quite correctly or whatever#and also bc i have zero interest in having this be boosted by trans dudes on their own transandrophobia agenda either#i'm just venting#but frankly the first time i got yelled at for saying that as an intersex person some of the immense violence i experienced as a child#was motivated by transmisogyny#i was a teenager and it was someone a fair bit older than me with more local clout so like. it's been a decade. how is it worse now.#intersex spaces have made SO much progress and yet#also yes i'm femme! i'm femme in a trans way! many dykes who aren't women are!#many of us got more comfortable w it as adults who had gender agency!#in literally the same way it took my wife ages after transitioning to work out she's also butch and doesn't actually want to do femme thing#bc that's a shared experience in how we've navigated the expectations of womanhood before opting out of the parts we don't want!#anyway the lawcomm shit was fucked bc honestl i don't give a shit if someone lost their gonads as an adult in an accident#they should be protected even if they don't consider themselves intersex#and we know that gender as an axis of oppression comes back to the reproduction of the nuclear family#and that cis women who can't have kids sometimes become the political football though ofc not as much by far and like#idk. y'all ever heard about solidarity? sometimes i feel like i'm back in the place where the loudest traumatised person at the party#is yelling at another young woman like “you'll never understand what it's like to be a victim”#when said young woman was assaulted the week before.#a politics that starts by defending and defining oneself w oppression kinda fucking sucks actually#and intersex people stopped policing intersexness by who got mutilated a long time ago#bc actually we want the generations ahead to not get that treatment#and when i see “trans elders” going on about how “if you pass and got on hrt before 18 you're not trans like i am” i'm like. why! what!#anyway. tired.#may regret this. we shall see#tony muses
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"Penelope has insecurities!" As an excuse for her harming others because of those said insecurities falls very flat when it puts the character's, who live during a time of few options especially if you were a women, at risk. And even with her insecurities, her lashing out and hurting people should be held in the same regard as how some view Cressida, who didn't get the luxury of a view into her home life until s3, unlike Penelope, and while it still has people calling out this behavior, although rightfully so, it often still includes denying that Penelope needs to take accountability as well.
#some on twitter said how in fandom yt characters will get a pass for hurting other characters just bc of their insecurities#which is very true when you look at how some to this day still talk about marina with a lot of misogynoir rhetoric just to defend pen#like how can you say “support morally grey or complex female characters” but then shit on marina left & right while erasing/woobifying pen'#own complexities? it doesn't make sense#i would find pen much more enjoyable if her complexities were acknowledged and the harm she did was called out & corrected#but i can't even enjoy spaces like that without some of her fans jumping into the frey and painting it as a crime against them#if you reflect that heavily on a character that's fine but don't get mad when other people don't see it the same way as you#especially poc who have to see pen not only call a kate (and simon) “beast” or constantly make petty brutal remarks about queen charlotte#for no reason as well as use abliest remarks to refer to the king george who suffers a debilitating mental illness#there was no reason for her to do all of that besides being deeply insecure that it makes her harm others who don't even know her#calling that out isn't a bad thing 😭#and yeah while i like/enjoy cressida i can call her out for her behavior toward pen & others even tho i understand it#i could even do the same for pen but see my prior points#the “let female characters be complex” crowd are (not always but sometimes) the first to remove these complexities and it's frustrating!#anti penelope featherington#bridgerton#pen stans don't interact bc this clearly says anti#made this post after people on twitter got on my nerves & created sob stories that ain't never happened just to make whitewash pen
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my capacity to see a bad fandom take and just blithely say 'okay! I disagree' internally and move on because it's not my responsibility or concern that someone else thinks that has leveled up so tremendously over the years. I haven't quite escaped the pit of misery yet but I think I'm getting there
#the ability to say to oneself 'it's okay if you don't agree with me'#(and possibly adding a quiet bitchy 'I can't force you to be right' at the end if you're annoyed enough lol)#at seeing a bad take without ever internalizing it any deeper than that... indispensible.#if someone is really unpleasantly vitriolic or reactive about it I'll just block and move on. and never think about them again#a gift for me and for them I'm sure! but as long as people are being civil I'm getting pretty good at just going 'alright.#I think you're wrong but it's your prerogative to think that. away from me preferably but still'#when I was younger I always felt like a more negative take must be more valid/see something I didn't but over time (and a lot of therapy)#that kneejerk self-doubt is a lot easier to get through. sometimes. people are wrong! to me and my experience. and that's alright#if nothing else understand your own limitations in ever changing someone's mind for them and let it go lol#when I feel the real badfeels at a shitty take now I know it's just because I'm tired and threadbare and need to sleep haha#sometimes mental health progress is sooooo... boring and low-key but also brings so much relief#like doing admin work up here. *sees something so dumb I feel dizzy* file that shit under 'not my problem' and move on chief
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i used to freehand comics all the time as a child and since the part i liked was the drawing part i would just draw panel after panel because i didn't want to stop drawing to think about icky icky words, plus the story TOTALLY still made perfect sense! to me! and noone else, but 'whoooo caaaaares omgggg its not like comics and sequantial art are a communicative meeediummmm lmaoooooo'. i spent my entire childhood telling myself stuff like "oh pfft I know this story by heart- ill SIMPLY remember the dialogue and write it later" ...and. I can't help but admire baby maiora's (call that a minora ba tm tsk) fucking audacity? hubris? confident wrongness? kid couldn't even remember to finish the comics in the first place? INCREDIBLE levels of unearned self assurance, wish that were me, genuinely- what an icon!!! anyway i think i have forever cursed myself
#maiora garrulates#the maiora overthinks the process of writing dialogue saga continues!!!!!!!#im so tired. i have been overthinking this shit in circles i have not been making any progress in any which way lmao!#im bitching and moaning for funsies this is not that serious in the Grand Scheme Of Things i just wanna improve at my fav thing#and ❤️ Unfortunately ❤️ my favorite thing in the world involves learning MY MOST HATED *NEMESIS*!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! verbal communication. ew#words are fun! i LOVE words! toys!!!!! im using words right now and i didn't combust!!!!! wow look at that!!!!!!!!!!!!!#putting words in SEQUENCE? multiple times?? filtering THOUGHTS into SENTENCES???? sentences that a character would or wouldn't SAY???#AND THEN THERE'S ANOTHER CHARACTER SOMETIMES???? AND THAT BITCH ALSO HAS THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS????? AND THEY ALL HAVE PERSONAL IDIOLECTS#AND TONES THAT S U P P O S E D L Y ARE IMPLICATED BY MANNERISMS AND VERBAL HABITS AND CIRCUMSTANCES (AND THERE'S WRONG ANSWERS! ALSO!!)#AND THEY'RE IN A CONTEXT!! AND THEY'RE INTERACTING WITH EACH OTHER AND INFLUENCING EACH OTHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#THE CONVERSATION COULD VARY GIVEN ENERGY LEVELS WHETER OR NOT SOMEONE'S FOOT IS FALLING ASLEEP THE F U C K I N G WEATHER#“oh dialogue is easy just say it out loud to yourself until it 'sounds normal' ^^”#screaming crying throwing up NONE OF THIS IS INTUITIVE TO MEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee....!#ok dramatics over its out of my system! for now!!!#this is all easily explained bc i just. draw a lot more than i talk to people. so like. OBVIOUSLY i have more practice drawing#so drawing comes natural! talking does not! subsequently dialogue is Hard! No FUCKING Shit Sherlock!!!!! (affectionate)#so yeah. im using y'all (the tumblr void) as practice! hi!!! words at you!!!!!!!!!!#so yeah thanks for baring with me while passing by my corner of the internet#i do love self indulgence this is fun check out my navel gazing actually no do not look at my belly button#anyway i just think this is mildly interesting. some of my writer buds have the same “not good enough” allergy towards visuals#but they use it to be mean2me >:( same bitch that “omg i cant i suck at drawing i can't do this-” does the “uhm. just write? lol.” 2 meeee#we could have peace and love on planet earth and a common experience and yet you KICK miette for being bad at words!!!1!!! </3 heartbreak!!#what the fuck was i talking about even#oh yeah. perfectionism within creatives i guess. LMAO JK i am talking about NOTHIN!!!!G i am just putting Words Out Here ehehehehehe#its practice >;)c#all this bc ive been doodling comics for myself again and im V!! PROUD OF THE ART!!!! wanna share- but DIALOGUE!*⚡sfx!!*....... so! options#a) leaving it blank. no there are NO microphones in the budget. b) leaving blank *balloons* so that the Rythm is there. implied convo!!!#c) ...doing it badly. (tragic)(heartwrenching)(teeny tiny bruise 2 the ego) *dramatic single tear cleches fists * its the only way.........#...we shall see! literally none of this is all that serious i am procrastinating!! <3 playing with my tuoys!!!!!!!! silly time!!!#/all lh! am reaching 30 tags so that is all for THIS episode of the maiora bitches about dialogue saga thank you for joining me!!okilyBuhBY
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Oh this fic??? Only my baby. Freaking LOVE emry_stars
Chapters: 24/24 (COMPLETE)
Words: 71,045
Author's summary:
Andrew Minyard is barely scraping by college with his sanity intact, bored out of his mind, until he runs into Kevin's new tutoring student. Literally.
#you know the drill#can't remember shit#they all blend together#but sometimes i see a title or author and i'm like !!!! this was good!#and i wiggle in excitement like a dog#i'll probably come back to some of these with descriptions#because i'm adding some to my marked for later list#just to experience them again#aftg#all for the game#neil josten#andrew minyard#andriel#aftg fic rec#aftg fanfic
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i'm scared guys <- guy who read a scary book before bed
#THIS SHOULD COUNT LIKE as a form of self harm not gonna lie#i know consuming horror genuinely gets me scared#curiosity killed the jen. a billion times and counting#like it's not real and it for sure won't happen to me BUT WHAT IF. EEEK!!!!#mostly what gets me is that i 1) dream a lot and 2) i get sleep paralysis sometimes and i DO see scary shit#funnily enough i saw something related to what i just read as my sleep paralysis demon one time...#and by funnily i mean HELP ME.#2025 goal: i need to stop watching horror shit. i seriously need to stop because i can't be normal about it no matter how much i like it
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