#I just IDK
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Would anyone be interested in hearing about my original stories 👉👈
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my dream for every girl in her childhood is a safe home, clothes that allow mobility and confidence, assertiveness and space to make mistakes and be strong, stories and myths with strong heroines, a lot of play time, a library of women authors, scientists, deep immersion into music or art of whatever she likes, normal even pleasurable relation to food and her own body, a cyclic view of life and living, spirituality that isn't a shackle, and deep deep love for herself and the world.
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Going through the realization that the reason my art, characters and stories have become so miserable over this past year is because I feel im not allowed to enjoy nice or fun things
Isn’t mental illness just the best
#vent#ig#this is probably getting deleted later#I just idk#my ocs didn’t used to all be chronically depressed and traumatized lmao#wtf happened what did I do
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#I'm genuinely just so fucking angry at the abuse i went through and still am#Idk tbh if you described it as anything else you'd be lying#It's fucking 3.38am and I'm just so fucking pissed off#Idk man it's not that fucking hard to be decent normal parents and not tell them to at worst sometimes tell them to kill themselves#Tw vent#Vent#I just idk#I'm so fucking angry#I have no idea how i survived but like#I need to talk to a fucking therapist at some point#Idk man this shit was never okay#I'm so tired of having to basically fight for my life and future#And waiting fucking decades for freedom and a normal life#Just a normal fucking life#That's all I wanted how fucking hard could it be????
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starting to feel a little bit weird about me
#starting to is such a lie it's been here#i just idk#i wish it was easier to tell anyone about being nb like it's not that i think my friends wouldn't be supportive or accepting#it's just like i don't like the attention or having to actually voice who i am#and a lot of my friends aren't queer either so it's like oh look another thing to make me different and feel out of place#even tho i already do every time she/her pronouns are used idk#i don't viscerally hate it but i don't really like it but it's just how it is#venting#sorry i shall Stop venting#pride month just gets me thinking about it a lot more idk
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i genuinely cannot believe my scale. it keeps saying 154 to 158 but like i genuinely cannot believe im under 170lbs. like i tell people im 170 still because i look it. like ive lost about 35 lbs and i look the fucking same it fucks w my head so much.
#also could ramble about how i feel like im not valid in my ed until i hit 50+ lbs lost but whatever#i just idk#i have such a hard time actually admitting i clearly have an ed#it feels so wrong to admit while im still chubby like i just always end up beinh like#“oh i have a weird relationship w food”#like babes youve passed out god knows how many times from not eating for over 30 hours#and have thrown up from binging#theres no way this is normal#but like you wont catch me say i actually have a full on disorder ever#tw: ed#1m s1ck..
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and another thing i don’t like . . . hobie x miles likeeeee im pretty sure hobie is an adult every time i look it up he’s described as the cooler older guy and even though there isn’t an age specified he has to be somewhere around 18-19 and like . . . miles is 15?? like hobie’s whole concept is to be the person miles imagines he is while also being his own complex character that plays a role in modeling and shaping miles to be a bit more steadfast and stubborn. he isn’t just miles guide but in a way to meeeee he is. that’s a bit weird and power imbalancy and stuff idk
mainly bc i see hobie as a young adult and miles as a teenager. idk idk it’s just weird and a bit yucky
#ᝰ.ᐟ✮⋆˙#does anyone agree or am i being weird#i just idk#it feels like unnecessary shipping#they didn’t even interact romantically he just gave him tips#and then asked him what he was doing at the spider society#n allat#IDK SOMEONE GIVE ME THEIR OPINION
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my brain chemistry has slightly changed again
like....i used to not feel lonely like ever? And now im drinking that missing my friends juice every day. Chatting online isnt enough i need to be sitting in the same room as you! I need to hug you and hold your hand! Like ive never been a very touchy-feely person either but thats changing too now
like damn im sitting here having a glass of red after dinner and im getting sad bcs i would rather be getting tipsy with my friends
#boblabla#alcohol cw#i just idk#ive been feeling a bit lonely and isolated for a while#and now thats its a long weekend and i have a lot of time#its hitting me#like besties you can kiss me square on the lips if you want idc anymore fuck it i have so much love and idk where to put it
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Wanna show support and that I care and that I thinkna lot about them buti just dont understand how to in a way that make sense so I just stay silent and I hate myself so much for doing this :(
#i just idk#why is it so hard#ily tumblr girlies#want all the love and good in the world for u#i just dont understand to put it into words#💔#ily#you mean so much to me and i just want to support u like u sopport me i uust dont know how#personal
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#my period is a week late#but i got all the fun hormonal stuff going on#including increased anxiety#and GI weirdness#nothing like a few weeks ago#but the terror i feel at a mild cramp#is not helping me be terribly functional#several doctors told me what i had#was food poisoning#but i live in fear#of it returning#and being some new condition#i just idk
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I don't really understand the concept of artblock bc my brain is so fucking loud all of the time apart from when I'm drawing.
#getting home from a long day like godam i need to draw#i need a video essay and my drawing pad and everything will be okay#i dont want this to sound like artblock isn't a real thing/its not hard to deal with#im sure it is#i just idk#its not a concept I can relate to all that much#cryptid phytos#also dw about my brain being loud part#ADHD + Autism combo#yeag
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As if nothing was worse than white Martells, I've just come to the horrible conclusion that they probably won't give us purple eyed Targaryens even if they are Half Dayne.
#dunk and egg#i just keep losing#i just idk#its so off to me#how can i have lost so badly#how can i live laugh love in these conditions
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I have a confession to make,
I genuinely dislike the iconic music of the 98's opening.
#trigun#You can boo me#I just idk#It's too loud#It never grew on me#It's the only track I dislike in the whole show lmao#Everything else is a banger to me
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really really random thought but for some reason when I saw the 4.4 special program and saw Gaming I somehow immediately felt the urge to lowkey ship him with Kirara
I think it was an interesting combination of "they both handle deliveries" + "they both are associated with felines" + "their moves are so acrobatic and fluid" something something idk they seem cute and wholesome
#this is really out there I realize lmao#I just idk#they could be friends too that would be precious#crys yaps
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Gonna get hate for this probably but I want to keep it real: "Goatface Herondale" is actually a really fucking hilarious magnum opus of a middle school nickname
#like is it mean? YES#is it okay? NO#but it's SO JUVENILE#and SO DUMB#i just idk#alastair has always been famous
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