#I hope you hear this one day
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my first attempt at digital art (never again🥲) for mctober💘
Eloise Babbit✨
slytherin
5th year
favorite subjects: arithmancy & ancient runes
least favorite subject: beasts (animals make her nervous🥲)
hobbies: reading & thinking (IT’S A HOBBY OKAY??)
#if u read my fic maybe u know why animals make her nervous🥲#also…if you are the angel who left me an essay comment on my last chapter today just know I love you🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹#when I started posting my fic in January I NEVER EXPECTED PEOPLE TO READ IT !!!!!!!!!!!!!😳 but it makes me so happy#that so many people do🥹🫶 I know it’s a crazy story and doesn’t follow the game at all#so to hear these things and to catch all of the little foreshadowing things I’ve been hinting at this whole time?????????#😳💘#anyways I’m still a digital art disliker (I like seeing it but not making it)#but I wanted to try it out and this is my art documentation blog🫶#im going to be WAY less active these days as well#SO IF I MISS THINGS (WHICH I WILL) PLEASE KNOW I AM SAD I MISSED THEM😔😔😔😔#hogwarts legacy#hogwarts legacy fanart#hphl#hogwarts legacy mc#hogwarts legacy oc#eloise babbit#mctober2024#also with mctober I will post drawinfs but nothing elaborate like the amazing ones I’ve already seen#hope you like these anyways🙏💓
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post ep 11
#trigun stampede#trigun#meryl stryfe#nicholas d wolfwood#vash the stampede#i cant even elaborate on this episode bc ive spent all day Thinking about it yesterday#and it made me Miserable#i just want to see vash have some autonomy again...#he is a little bit more on the quieter end for stampede as less angry about things but i dont think he's more of a coward in stampede#even though he was transported into his memories and saw and heard those terrible things from the kids and wolfwood#he was able to gather himself and keep going#his resilience has always been the strongest and also saddest thing about him#so it killed me irreversibly when he lost the one person who he could always look back to reliably#the fact knives couldnt even alter anything in rem's dialogue within those memories just stands for how strong her place is in vash's memory#and potentially knives just knows that would be too ooc of her to make in any Universe if she had something horrible.#man. I TALKED ABOUT THIS IN LIKE ALL 3 PLATFORMS. I'm alright with Knives as a character but jesus#- i did it all for you - im so sad that vash had to hear something like that. im so so sad about it#anyway i hope meryl stays safe shes done so much#i love her so much <3#ruporas art
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DAY 7: i miss my wife bonbon
#codacheetah#isat#loop isat#twohat spoilers#isat act 6 spoilers#SLIDING IN WITH 14 MINUTES TO THE CLOCK YEA BABY#this is like the dollar store version of what i had in my head but in my defense i was out all day. woopsiedoodle#its my personal postcanon headcanon that sif goes on like a several month 'i miss my dead wife' arc about loop bc he thinks they evaporated#into the either infinity war style after their fight. so theyre rlly sad and emo n shit about it but theyre like well. i hope loop is happy#at least. i hope they moved on and found peace :)#meanwhile loop does not know what moving on is they are clawing onto mortality with every last sap of their strength#always approximately 4 seconds from deciding to track down the party#but theyre scared so they spend all their time fuckin playing with birds and scaring kids or whatever#until one day siffrin's like stars i know they probably cant hear me but i miss them. and like does the handsign morosely#and then after several seconds loop picks up like ....hi stardust!!! wow you really didnt miss me that much huh!!!#siffrin voice: YOU'RE NOT FUCKING DEAD?!#anyways what heinous crime did the running one commit. leave your answers in the comments below#also. happy one week of this fucking guy!!!
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yeah so i'm falling for @weevmo's Guys... they're so neat! i dig their vibes and can't wait to see what Corduroy Stew is all about <3
#fuckkkkk theyre so SHAPED!!!#i can feel myself getting So attached#if anything happens to them... i will simultaneously wail and cheer#nimrod is so cute. nimmy. the nimster. id love to toss birdseed on the ground for him to peck at. pigeon coded tiny man#lulu being a sock puppet trainer THATS SUCH A NEAT IDEA ARE YOU KIDDING IM OBSESSED#now im curious as to if sock puppets are like Animals or if they're as sapient as the others...#but yes im already looking directly at lulu she seems Fun as fuck#oughhhhh and wb. listen. Listen. im a sucker for handsome Head Empty characters and he seems like one of those#i also like characters with many hidden internal problems and wb seems like one of those too <3#i hear that the three of them are siblings and that is Such catnip to me...#scribble garnish#dont know what else to tag this as! huh!#BUT YEAH THIS ALL SEEMS NEAT THEYRE COOL i Will be following this project to see where it goes#so far it has great characters a sprinkling of Intrigue bomb art (which. ofc it does its weevmo cmon guys)#and a neat song that i sweAR TO FUCK REMINDS ME OF SOMETHING. THIS HAS BEEN BOTHERING ME FOR DAYS#the jingle is just vaguely familiar enough to make me Writhe in the agony of Unknown Knowns#but yes! i hope you all go check out weevmo's blog if you havent already! Good Stuff All Around!!
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I giggled at this thought so have it as well
Sagau + legacy who tends to hijack Childe at his whims = playable abyss moth :D
oh goodness i was not in a good mood but this made me feel much better thank you
it's a glitch, it has to be a glitch, there's no other explanation for it! you've scoured the internet, watched countless videos, even uninstalled and reinstalled the game multiple times- but nothing could explain why, out of all characters, Foul Legacy had spontaneously become playable and was currently sitting in your party, exactly where your Childe should be. to his credit, he was INCREDIBLY strong, easily sweeping any bosses and enemies you met along the way, but the fact remains that he's not a playable character in the first place! you're worried that your game is being hacked in some way, but when nothing else happens for a few days, well... you can't deny that it was kind of fun to have a character no one else had, and you've always been fond of Childe's Foul Legacy form- you refuse to admit to spending at least half an hour just watching him on screen gushing about how cute he was (he even has his own idle animations!!)
on his end, in the digital world of Teyvat, Foul Legacy is absolutely thrilled that you haven't reacted too badly to his presence- he feared you would hate him for occasionally using Childe's place for himself- he always gives it back afterwards, he promises! Legacy works hard to destroy any enemies in your path, silently trilling in happiness whenever you compliment him. since he's not much in the way of words, he curls up into a comfy Abyss moth ball if you ever put him in your teapot instead of simply standing there, perking up and fluttering his wings when you approach him. and as he promised, he ALWAYS gives Childe back his body at the end of the day- the Harbinger's a little confused and disoriented, but you always greet him enthusiastically when you log in the next day, so he's not really complaining
#genshin impact#childe#tartaglia#foul legacy#foul legacy childe#genshin tartagalia#genshin childe#genshin tartaglia#sagau#genshin sagau#by the way when Foul Legacy is playable he disappears from the Golden House and just leaves the treasure#so if you're tired and don't want to fight that's a great time to claim weekly materials!!#they both hope that one day they will get to hear your voice in person instead of just in their heads#Foul Legacy encourages you to ask for a headpat feature in surveys#he wants to be pet#also as for what i was angry about i had to go to hard pity for something in a different gacha game and i was livid#still sort of am but hnghghfg it's fine this is fine#short scenario#other's stuff#chit chat#darling mutuals#good evening
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Thinks about my next series again... I drew the icon for it!
I'm planning to have it launched within a year! I'm hoping for summer 2025. I want to make a prelaunch page before Time and Time Again ends so people can subscribe if they're interested, but I'm worried the series return would be too early...
#SORRY HAHAHA REPOSTING IMMEDIATELY#i. it. IM SORRY okay the.#i had 'im not interested in the comic' as an option but it immediately made me feel bad#DONT FEEL BAD IF YOU PICKED IT i put it there#i just realized its not really a helpful metric to me at all!#im making the comic either way!#so i just want to gague interest. disinterest doesnt do much for me. you can come and go as you please!#just wanting to retain readers as much as possible but without losing them due to taking too long#ahhhh the balance of marketing. a beautiful beast she is.#anyways yeah hoping to launch like about as tta is ending#or like at LEAST a prelaunch page by then#im also not intending for the prelaunch page to be like. announced...#moreso just a link i append on art for the series!#just so when a drawing of zagan gets 500 notes#people who are interested in what hes from can. see that...#anyways. sorry i haven't been posting work is wild im going 70+ hours a week again i am so tired#not much time to draw non work stuff#im hanging on by a thread of having multiple projects i can bounce between again#and sometimes thats this one! so heres the results of some mental health work variety#we were legion#polls#sorry for the instant repost. in my defense. i am exhausted.#i can not wait until im making a different comic that i can do a fucking. normal ass schedule with#where im not every week gasping for breath in some kind of bad at swimming metaphor.#anyways if youre not interested dont tell me. it doesnt matter to me. no offense but i just dont wanna hear it.#i want to make the comic and my audience as much as i love you all is not going to have any control over what i do with my art#im gonna make this comic if i only get it done on weekends after getting home from the fuckin movie theater#i am not working for webtoon again wnd im not forcing myself into the dirt for comics again#but im also never gonna stop making them. just need to build a healthier relationship!#FUCK I MADE IT A ONE DAY POLL.
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I don't see this talked about often in the english side of the fandom, as this tidbit got lost in translation, but:
In the japanese versions for both texts and voice lines in the middle-aged opposites venet, kabu addresses larry with "—kun (くん)" in their second meeting in front of the restaurant. It's a japanese honorific to address someone who is a junior than you, in terms of either age or work experience/status. Inferring from this, kabu may either (1) be slightly older than larry in age (as I think they both have equal years of experience, just that larry happened be slightly superior to kabu in terms of their workplace status because he is also an elite four member), (2) be that friendly and warm as a person that he calls larry with "—kun (くん)" right away in the second part of their event's story, or (3) both.
Take what you will from this, friends! 🫡
#you guys don't know that i'm still STUCK thinking about this long after the event is gone. i'm still freezing when my mind reminds me every#so often that the first thing we hear from the japanese trailer is kazuhiko inoue yelling アオキくん like... oh they're besties already? 😭💖#i wish honorifics and the way a person refers to themselves don't get lost in translation. it actually adds so much depth to the characters#my n5 jlpt ass is already in heaven even with my limited understanding 😭😭😭 one day i will play pokemon games in jp fluently!!!!#anyway yeah. kabu looked at larry and went 'you're my friend now!' even though they don't have to be buddy-buddy for this event :')#and the fact that larry tolerates it (when he's probably addressed with —san all the time) and even grows to enjoy kabu's presence... 🥺#pokemas yaoi is so big-brained. i hope whoever wrote the middle-aged opposites events got a huge raise due to its popularity!!!!#gym leader kabu#elite four larry#gym leader larry#pokemon kabu#pokemon larry#pokemon masters ex#pmex#pokemon masters#pokemas#pokemas spoilers#pmex spoilers#pokemon masters ex spoilers#pokemon masters spoilers#pokemon sword and shield#pokemon swsh#swsh#pokemon scarlet and violet#pokemon scarvio#scarvio#galar#paldea#pasio#silverstreakshipping
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naruto crack au where kakashi manages to successfully drill the "never abandon your comrades" thing into team seven's heads
so when sasuke deserts naruto and sakura immediately desert with him. like he gets to the village gates and they're just waiting for him bags packed like "what took u so long we doing this or what"
he tries to get them to go back bc of course he does. "no you losers this is about me i'm going to kill my brother. also i'll have to kill my best friend for the super sharingan and you two are like the only people i talk to". but they do not listen. teamwork sasuke we will defeat your brother (OUR brother #communism) with the power of teamwork. just like kakashi-sensei said
suddenly orochimaru has to deal with three horrible little goblins with an even more codependent relationship than his old team
#naruto#team seven#orochimaru's favorite is sakura bc she's smart and respectful and gives kabuto headaches#kabuto's favorite is naruto bc he thinks he's funny#nobody's favorite is sasuke. he's fine with that tho#also sakura can still summon slugs she made a bet with tsunade ahead of time for the right to make the contract#kakashi keeps trying to get his team back but keeps approaching them one on one#which always ends in whoever he's talking to going ''i can't abandon my teammates sensei wtf''#obito is watching all of this from the bushes and laughing his ass off#the sound five live bc. nobody bothered to tell tsunade team seven had left until it was way too late#orochimaru keeps her updated tho#every time kakashi tries to sneak in and steal his kids back oro sends him back with pictures of how they're doing#''little sakura-chan is making excellent progress with chakra scalpels! you must be so proud! oh wait''#she hopes he dies#oro tells naruto who his parents are to spite jiraiya#unfortunately he does this when they're all still annoying little thirteen-year-old shitheads#so sakura and sasuke are both furious and don't talk to either of them for a day#they don't even know what they're mad about they're just Mad#meanwhile sakura's parents are happy to hear she's doing well and hope she writes soon#they don't. they don't really get the treason thing#team hebi/taka still forms ofc#it's an absolute disaster#sakura's a little sad when they finally ditch orochimaru bc she'd actually really enjoyed learning from him#like yeah he was an absolutely horrible human being but. she learned a lot!#he comes back later ofc#there's sorta an awkward moment when naruto finds out gaara got abducted and demands to go after him#sasuke: ok have fun#sakura: we're going too#sasuke: fuck#orochimaru: tell sasori i said hiiiii~ <3
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(Jerry Smith) Pov: you pushed Slug Jerry out of his human disguise with your mean attitude.
Slug Jerry is now upset at you and thinks you're a monster.
(late) day 2 of this challenge.
#rick and morty#art#my art^#Jerry Smith#slug jerry says: what is wrong with you?????#pfft this was the easiest thing ever i just spent a whole day#but i really like how this turned out...#i cant even believe i made it like i was just about to give up#i hope you jerry enjoyers can give Slug Jerry a comfy and pathetic home#if you want to react to this in rp form is okay for me i think it would be funny af#APOLOGIZE TO SLUG JERRY NOW#i had so much fun rendering this one <3 (i just pressed a couple of buttons<33333)#oh i almost forgot#not vector#im not doing this again YOU HEAR ME? (yes i am besides the suffering i think i liked it?)#send requests!!!
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HA HA! The rise cyoa clue game that I've been mentioning in tags for forever is finally here!!
Plotting everything out took a bit but I think I got most of the possibilities written out although I wouldn't put it past you guys to do something wild lol
So part of the way this works is that there'll be more options the more you've spoken to people but some people will only have a few options naturally! I tried to keep it in character and some of them just wouldn't lie/are very very bad at it, so ya get what ya get, hope you guys have fun!! (And feel free to send asks with theories and/or praise I accept both <3)
#rottmnt#rise donnie#rise splinter#orobty clue#not sure if people will enjoy this or get bored but I guess we'll find out!!#also dont think it'll end up being too long but I guess that also depends on your choices lol#i think the big choices will be a week each and the actual talking ones will be a day but I havent fully decide yet#either way buckle up! we're solvin a mystery >:}#also PLEASE tell me if the dialogue works for you#would be happy to hear it#happy voting!#just hope you guys don't get the bad ending! <3#clue 1
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you have my soul, you have my heart ♡
#LUCY#Band LUCY#Shin Yechan#Choi Sangyeop#Cho Wonsang#Jo Wonsang#Shin Gwangil#LUCY fanart#take 2 because i'm a distaster and posted this on the wrong blog haha#still figuring how out to tag these lol#kitkatart#i did it!! it's finally done!! on time!!!#well maybe not on time but in time lol#2022 encore concert live clip of flare my love#flare really is one of my absolute favorite songs#no matter how many times i hear it i fall in love with it every time#but this version in particular is so magical :)#i was thinking i might make a few freebies of the individual member versions for the vancouver show#do you think people would like that? i've never made freebies before so i'm not sure!#i think i'd be too shy to post about it and then hand them out but we'll see haha#okay back to chores and concert prepping again#i cannot believe i'm going to two lucy concerts and then have a work conference like two days after#i was only going to go to one concert but was convinced to go to a second at the last minute. to be fair it didn't take much convincing#this really did take forever but part of that is probably bc i haven't drawn anything real in like more than a year#also was i testing the procreate layer limit or was the procreate layer limit testing me lol#okay i'm done now i'll stop yapping :D#i hope you're all doing well!!#UPDATE: i did pass these out as freebies and also i got to give these to the lucys AHHH#I will never be over seeing them live and getting to meet them oh my gosh#they were soooo amazing and so so so sweet 🥺 other walwals at the concerts were also so nice!!
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here together
#lobotomy corporation#lobcorp#lobotomy corp spoilers#lobotomy corporation spoilers#abram lobcorp#i didnt know that the song that plays during day 48 ending is called 'here together'.#couldnt hear it well because i typically have my sound low (sensetive to louder sounds) and also the dialog fucked me up#so when i pressed on it to hear it. to actually listen to it. then to see the name and remember what it Looked like#i got teary eyed. sorry.#it happened quite. afew times when finishing this shitty thing#i was thinking of how camren's not quite corpse looked as if it were reaching out to him inside the container#how it looked as if she had wings. abrams words. the line from one story that was--#something like 'we were hoping it was just one big prank and she would hop out fro. around the corner with a smile on her face'#how do you move forward when all you think you cause is pain? when everything else youve done only brought to bring people you love to thei#downfall and demise inside agony and fear as they lay dying. none of that was merciful. none of that was just. they were told to carry on#her dream and he views as if all he had done was to become cruel and wasnt fit and never even began to finish what she started.#it was so striking to me. the language he used. sleeping. alseep. waken. when all the others never sugarcoated it#in lobcorp they always said it straight. 'suicide' 'killed' 'dead'. but he used something far more.. peaceful? kind in wording in a way.#softer. describing death as if it were a merciful thing. an end that suits them and not something to be afraid of. to just... sink. to slee#to be with carmen again. to put everything to an end#the place they built with their hands. to have it just... stop. not in a way of repeating and staying in the moment#but of a permanent end. to 'sleep'. to die. to just.... stop. forever. to see no more. to do no more#to not be able to do Anything for when ever he had done Something it just cause agony. cruel hands partaking in acts he so deeply#regrets. everything is just regret. it sounds nice. to move on. to just move forward. but how can you move forward when all you think you#bring to those you cherished and couldnt leave behind is pain?#ill likely move this somewhere else as well. ive been meaning to talk about abram#the rest as well actually. mostly just the few final days w abel adam and abram since i am STUCK ON DAY 49#oh dear i uh typed a lot in the tags. oops
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im into reverse now...
#HEAR ME OUT.. sonetto and matilda are sun and moon dynamic...but a really interesting one#because usually (not always!) we see sun as bright and cheering person and Matilda appears to be one (she even has such voiceline#i mean sonetto is usually here to help others and share her warm and light while matilda is more about herself (which is not bad#“a glorious sun as bright as matilda”#and sonetto in more reserved.... she seems to be the quiet one here... like moon#yET... they have the symbols of sun and moon in them... sonetto has warm palette +her parade coctume portraying really sunny day#while matilda has colder palette and deals with moon when she is making divinations#next important aspect that...matilda is really influenced by sonetto.. not talking about her obv crush on her...but also in motivation way#matilda wants to be the center of the school like sonetto - the best student. she even got in school partly because of sonetto..#i believe her headband were inspired by sonettos as well... she takes things that were originally sonetto's and reflects it in herself#like moon reflects the sun's light#plus due to matilda's how to say...self-centered (in neutral way) attitude she hasn't yet shared much with others unlike sonetto has#i dont say matilda never helped anyone because its not true... i hope you got me#sonetto impacts others way more than matilda lets say this#to conclude matilda is the moon who really wants to be the sun and sonetto is the sun who sometimes wishes she was the moon#thanks for coming to my tedtalk#also fat matilda yay!#reverse 1999#re: 1999#reverse matilda#matilda bouanich#reverse sonetto#sonetto#also mesmer is my favorite character after matilda#mesmer jr#my art#fat art#fat positivity#fat matilda#fat mesmer
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Cannot wait for Etho's hermitcraft episode, because that means: more Etho and Grian interactions (if the permit office shenanigans are in it, please let them be in it actually)
#ethoslab#grian#reminder that when grian mentioned he's selling fishing rods for 10 diamonds Etho laughed (softly) and called him a dirty boy which. REAL.#also: Grian only genuinely laughing at Etho's joke (everything else was against his will /j)#another thing to be left in the tags: hoping for doc in life series#one of these days we'll get that man in it#and he will suffer#from lack of efficiency#you want that man in the life series because he plays a perfect villain#I need that man in it because I need to hear his heartbreak over the gunpowder rates#we are NOT the same
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Australian Rituals / Teeth of God Tour Bingo
Alroighte gwois, let's hear your predictions for the upcoming rituals. I *might* make another bingo (like on Wembley) - even if I don't, let's get them all in one place cus I think it's funny.
If you have something specifically for the Teeth of God Tour (because they are headliners and can do Cooler™ Fancier™ stuff) do specify. Same for strictly Australian Rituals. Some stuff may happen earlier (like when they debuted TMBTE and the new Espera masks), others may only happen on the Tour, so let's just put them all here and see what happens 😗✌️
Please reblog/put on the replies your predictions!! Whether serious or silly, please share!
Mine are:
One of the Vessels (Vessel or ivy OR Espera!!!!) singing onstage with Oli
Kangaroo/koala headbands / Aussie Explorer hat
EUCLID (more for Teeth of God but wouldn't be surprised if earlier)
The Apparition (PLEASE)
The Summoning pushups will return
Older song throwback (please please Sugar or Jaws. TNDNBTG for ToG)
Outfit change for the Vessels (only cus i think Australia is quite hot now innit? poor iv will MELT in that jacket)
NEW VESSEL JEWELLERY
This one I'm not super confident/keen on BUT new Vessel mask with Antlers (more likely on ToG but who knows)
#I AM SO EXCITED FOR THE RITUALS AAAAAAA IT'S RIDICULOUS#i kinda hate that because of timezones they will be playing during the day (for me) rather than later at night but!!#it means we can at least gather round in the evening and react together#cus lord knows how many full nights of sleep i sacrificed during the US rituals#actually yeah now that i think about it it *IS* better this way#ignore my earlier tag then i am thinking out loud#i need at least one picture of the crew with koalas. Just one#i know the girlies are there already so i'm assuming they are ALL there#(one of the Esperas posted on her stories. calm down guys i am not doxing anyone)#do you think they are doing fun Aussie stuff 🥺 trying vegemite and milo and petting koalas and fighting roos 🥺🥺#wait but Adam is not there yet. maybe her photo is from last year. or maybe they're all arriving at different times idk#i just hope they are not stressing too much and are having fun and healthy 👍#i will get SO emotional hearing Vessel fully recovered on stage again 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺#ANYWAYS I RAMBLED TOO MUCH OMG SORREH#if you reached this have a little snack for your troubles 🤲 🍊🧃🍬#sleep token#sleep token teeth of god tour
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hi! your blog is one of my favourites and i absolutely adore reading your thoughts. my grandfather recently passed away and it feels like i lost myself with him. how do i continue living after this? there is this constant weight on my chest and it feels like an emptiness has made a home inside of me. how do i go on when it feels like the world crashed on my shoulders?
hello, love! this is so very sweet and kind of you, and i hope you're treating yourself gently and kindly right now - there aren't words for a loss like this. that heaviness is difficult, and hard, and painful. it's okay if things don't feel okay, right now, or even soon - i think that's something that a lot of the people i know that have gone through similar grief feel: like they should be able to get back to a relative 'normal' in a [insert far too short period of time].
but it's okay if it hurts. that's where i'd like to start. you're allowed to feel that emptiness, that world-crashed feeling that goes beyond words, beyond time. don't feel like you have to rush this to feel some sort of better. things get easier with time, i promise you this, but sometimes painful feelings are important to feel, too. cry, scream, feel your emotions. they're a part of you. grieve.
it's perhaps a little silly, but when i think about death i always think about a couple of space songs: mainly drops of jupiter by train and saturn by sleeping at last. there are perhaps others that speak to the emotions better, but these two have always hit something a little deeper for me, and are popular for a wide-reaching reason.
and while personally i don't know much about grief like this, i do know a lot about love; and i think they're a lot of the same thing.
the people we love are a part of us, and this is why it takes from us so deeply when we lose them, because it does feel like we've lost a part of ourselves in the wake of it. but it's because they were so central to our experiences of living - our lives, that the separation introduces a hollowness - a place where they used to be. a home that now goes unlived in.
an emptiness, like you said.
but just because they're not here physically, doesn't mean he's not still there, in your heart, in your life, your memory. you can hold him close in smaller ways, as well: steal a sweater, or cologne/scent for something a little more physical and long lasting for remembering. hold onto the memories you cherish, the things that made you laugh, the ease of slow mornings and gentle nights. write them all down, slide a few photographs in there, go through it and add more when you miss him. keep them all close, keep them in your heart.
you're not alone, in this. he's still there, with you, it's just - in the little things.
he's with you in the way you see and go about your daily life, in doing what he liked to do, in the ways he interacted with the world that you shared with him. the memories you recall fondly when the night is late or the moment is right and something calls it into you like a melody, an old bell, laughter you'd recognize anywhere.
but i think, perhaps most importantly above all others - talk about him. with your family, your friends, his friends, strangers; stories are how we keep the people we love alive. the connections they've made, the legacies and experiences they've left behind, and so, so many stories.
how lucky, we are - to love so much it takes a piece of us when they go. grief is the other side of the coin, but it does not mean our love goes away. it lives in you. it lives in everyone who knew him, in the smallest pieces of our lives.
the people we love never really leave us, like this: they're in how we cook and the way we fold our newspapers, our laundry, in the radio stations we tune in to and the way we decorate our walls, our photo albums. they're in the way we store our mail, organize our closets, the scribbled notes in the indexes of our books. the meals we love and the drinks we mix, the way we spend time with one another. they've been passed down for generations, for longer than history - and we are all the luckier for it.
think about what you shared with him, and do it intentionally. bring him into your life, like this, again. whether it's crosswords or poetry or sports or anything else. if one doesn't help, try another. something might click.
i hope things feel a little easier for you, as they tend to do only with time. i hope you find joy in your grief, even if it is small and hard to grasp at first. know that your hurt stems from so much love that there isn't a place to put it properly, and that it is something so meaningful and hurting poets and storytellers have been struggling to put it into words and sounds that feel like the fit right for eons, and that it is also just simply yours. sometimes things don't have to make sense. sometimes they just are - unable to be put into words or neat little sentiments, as unfair and tragic as they come.
but i promise it will not feel like this forever. your love is real. and perhaps, on where to begin on from here - i think it's less on finding where to begin and just beginning. and you've already started. you've taken the most important and crucial step: the first one. wherever you go, after that, from here? you'll figure it out. you always have, and you always do. it'll come, as things always do. love leads us, as does light - and you're never alone in your hurt. in your grief, your missing something dear to you. i think if you talk about it with others, you'll find they have ways of helping you cope as well - and they have so much love of their own to spare, too.
as an aside, here is the song (northern star by dom fera) i was listening to when i wrote this, for no other reason more than it makes me think of connections, and love, and how we hold onto the people we love and how they change us, wonderfully and intrinsically. it's a little more joyous than the others i've mentioned, and plays like a story, and it made me think of what is at the core of this, love and stories and i am here with you, and maybe it'll bring you some joy, if you'd like it. wishing you all my love and ease 💛
#q&a.#birdsong.#wishing u gentle ease; the death of a loved one is near inexplicable to put into words and i hope you take care of yourself gently <3#i hope this will make u laugh: when i was a tiny child in middle school there were times i would go outside in my tiny suburban cul de sac-#in the rain and sing along to my lil ipod nano and i only remember doing this to drops of jupiter. can you imagine going out to get the mai#after a long day of work and you just hear this kid singing train in the streets. in the RAIN.... it makes me laugh like i really.#i really thought i was so cool and deep and emotional ghjkd but i find it v funny that i only remember it w/ that one train track.#and saturn just. it's my fav s.a.l. song for a reason. that slow violin opening? the piano coming in gentle and easy?#it feels like light. like hope. like something new - a dawn after the long dark. that beautiful things can begin again even where#it hurts. and there is nothing more human than a sentiment like that.#how rare and beautiful it is to truly exist. what it is to be alive and get to be here and live with other people. with those we love.#i think your grandfather was so lucky to be able to know you. to have you in his life for the time you had together.#i'm no spiritual person; but i like to believe when you're thinking about him? he's thinking about you too.#the second law of thermodynamics (physics nerd mode) is that no energy has ever been created/destroyed since the beginning of the universe.#so it has to go somewhere - it's that carl sagan quote of 'we're all made of stardust'. because we are. we used to be stars; planets; etc.#i think it's why i think of these space songs - because they're a part of everything; once more; when they go. us and everything else.
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