#I hope we can help each other feel better about our relationships to invisibility

[slickshoesareyoucrazy]

Invisibility

I tried to write this post a few days ago, and Tumblr didn't let me post it for an undefined reason, and I was pissed...my post about feeling invisible can't be posted and they can't even tell me why. Fuckers. I'm a writer but I'm just not that into that particular symbolism. But now, maybe it will work and this post will be better because I might make more sense, but I definitely made more connections over a long day with J and my son yesterday. Let's see if I can do this...

OK, so I know every parent brags about their kid (actually they don't, and we'll get to that in a second, but...), but for any of this to make sense, my kid is gifted. I mean, no shit, he is exceptionally bright, and deep and mature for his age, and he hungers and thirsts to learn, and he sort of had a breakthrough in therapy at his last session that part of the problem he's having with his mental health is feeling unchallenged and lied to about what high school would be (he's bored, even in honors/Advanced Placement courses; the best his school has to offer in the line of academic challenge), and also he's having a hard time accepting that he's 'not like other kids.' He's not being bullied for being smart/talented; he's being celebrated, but to him, it all is still reading that he's noticeably different, academically/intellectually, and he actually WANTS to be more invisible. But he can't be. If he's himself...it's clear that he's different and decidedly seen. He just stands very prominently out.

He had a good day yesterday, though. J and I are very proud of him. He's performing in academic competition (to be with his friends and socialize for fun mostly...he doesn't study hard for these competitions...in fact he doesn't study at all; he doesn't put pressure on himself to do well, and J and I don't either...sometimes it's even pretty evident that he's not trying very hard) as a freshman at the same level the brightest seniors in the state are performing. He was the individual regional runner up yesterday in the arts and humanities section (the only freshman in the region to qualify) and a very valuable part of his team qualifying for the state championship tournament in team competition. My brother did this same stuff when he was in high school (but didn't perform this well with this much ease and lack of emphasis on the actual competition). And my dad got really involved for my brother. My dad's involved for my son now too, and since I'm so much older than my brother, some of the other teachers and officials involved remember my dad (and my brother) from their previous participation. A version of the following exchange has happened multiple times since Boy joined the school's competing team:

An old acquaintance of Dad's: Wow, F! Good to see you! You're back!

Dad: Yeah! Boy is my grandson, so I'm helping out at <high school, not the one my brother went to>. (My dad says this with obvious pride on his face and in his voice; he wants everyone to know that Boy is his grandson, because he's Obviously Gifted.)

Acquaintance: <My Brother>'s kid?! (he's too young to have a kid in high school, unless he became a young teenage father, which they'd know about, because that's when they knew my dad and brother)

Dad: No, my daughter's son.

Acquaintance: You have a daughter?

See, my mom did a great job of teaching me that invisible was what I needed to strive to be by being hyper-independent and 'easy' (which I think is the first piece I wrote on this blog...I may repost it here in a bit too). That's what other people wanted from me. So I became invisible. But I've always wanted to be seen. I've spent most of my life hoping people would see me, totally the opposite of my son. The thing is, I achieved (not as much or as easily as my son) in similar ways to my son, but I never got noticed or praised for it. There was always another priority ahead of me with my parents, both of them, not just my mom. Work, my brother, my grandparents, their own hobbies and passions. They needed me to be independent and easy and out of their way; they needed me to not have desires and needs; they needed me to be invisible. I was encouraged not to be noticed, so I wasn't, wanting to please my mom. I achieved at being invisible, because I thought that's what would make them happy. I was definitely successful at being invisible. But my brother achieved and got seen. And my son achieves and gets seen even without wanting to be. But still not me; I've always been invisible.

A few weeks ago, I was talking to my mom about The Boy, and his aversion to being seen and receiving positive attention (he gets that from me and J both, for different reasons, I guess; J is just a really humble man, and I'm mistrusting of kindness and have really bad imposter syndrome), and how it seems to bother him when anyone notices him, even for his gifts, almost like he's ashamed of them, whereas when I was a kid (and let's be real, even now as an adult), I just wanted someone to notice me. Something or someone else was always ahead of me in line, boxing me out. And my mom actually said what's probably the most empathetic thing she's ever said to me (30ish years too late for it to land in a helpful way, but still empathy), 'You must have felt invisible.' Yeah, Mom. I did. I still do a lot. I feel like even if I am really busting my ass to achieve something that gets other people noticed, no one notices me. And while I'd prefer my son be grateful for his gifts and be as proud of himself as J and I (and my parents and my brother and his coach and teammates) are of him, I'm glad his problem is with feeling TOO seen instead of invisibility. He actually almost craves invisibility. I'm trying to learn and accept from him that maybe invisibility has advantages. It is, after all, considered a superpower for clear reasons. But I'm glad he's not invisible. He's definitely seen.

And I still want to buy my dad a shirt to wear to the state competition that says, 'He's my daughter's son; I have a daughter too.'

[wantsobadminsung]

Broken heart on the beach 🙁 🏖️ 🐚

I walked hand in hand with my eight friends along the sandy shoreline, feeling the soft breeze on my face. It was a beautiful summer day and we had decided to spend it at the beach, enjoying the warmth of the sun and the refreshing waves of the ocean. My heart fluttered with excitement as I glanced at Minho and Jisung, the two guys I had secretly fallen in love with.

As we reached the water's edge, laughter filled the air. Christopher, Seungmin and Jeongin splashed each other playfully, while Felix and Changbin tackled each other into the waves. Hyunjin, always the reliable one, stayed close to me, sensing my unease. He knew about my feelings for Minho and Jisung, and he had been the one person I confided in.

But today, the sight of Minho and Jisung together, their laughter and affectionate gestures, tugged at my heartstrings. They were in a relationship, and it pained me to see them so blissfully unaware of my affection. I tried my best to hide my emotions and joined in the laughter, masking my true feelings behind forced smiles.

Just as I was about to dip my toes in the water, a sudden muscle spasm shot through my leg, taking me by surprise. Panic washed over me as I struggled to keep myself afloat. Fear consumed my thoughts, and I shouted for help, my voice choked with desperation.

Within seconds, Hyunjin, who was already by my side, sprang into action. He swiftly swam towards me, his arms strong and steady. "Don't be scared, YN," he reassured me, his voice calm amidst the chaos. "I've got you. I won't let anything happen to you."

In his protective embrace, I felt a mix of gratitude and sadness. Gratitude for his quick response and willingness to help, but sadness because it was him, not Minho or Jisung, who came to my rescue. I couldn't help but feel invisible to the two guys who held my heart captive.

As Hyunjin brought me safely back to the shore, I noticed the worry etched on his face. He gently laid me down on the sand and signaled for the others to gather around. Minho and Jisung finally noticed my distress and hurried towards me, concern filling their eyes.

"I'm okay," I murmured softly, brushing off their worry. "I just need a moment alone. I think I'll go back to the hotel and rest."

Hyunjin interjected, offering his assistance once again. "Do you want me to come with you? I can stay by your side until you feel better."

I mustered a small smile and shook my head. "Thank you, Hyunjin, but I'll be fine. I just need some time alone."

The disappointment was evident in Hyunjin's eyes, but he respected my decision. The rest of our friends gathered around, expressing their concern and offering their support. I felt a bittersweet pang in my heart as I realized how lucky I was to have such caring friends, even if my feelings for two of them were left unrequited.

As I made my way to my hotel room, tears welled up in my eyes, silently falling down my cheeks. I knew that confessing my love for Minho and Jisung would only complicate our friendship and potentially destroy the beautiful relationship they shared. It was a painful sacrifice I had to make, for the sake of preserving the harmony of our friendship.

In the solitude of my room, I allowed myself to cry, releasing the pent-up emotions that had been weighing me down. It was a difficult realization to accept, but I knew that keeping my feelings hidden was for the best. So, with a heavy heart, I closed my eyes and let sleep take over, hoping that tomorrow would bring a renewed sense of strength.

The night was restless as my thoughts kept circling back to the events of the day. I couldn't shake off the feeling of loneliness that washed over me. It was a bitter pill to swallow, knowing that the ones I loved were out of my reach, oblivious to my affection.

Determined to distract myself, I decided to take a stroll along the moonlit beach. The gentle sound of waves crashing against the shore provided a soothing backdrop as I walked, my footsteps leaving imprints in the sand.

Suddenly, I heard a familiar voice behind me. It was Hyunjin, his footsteps matching mine as he caught up to me. "Mind if I join you?" he asked softly, his voice carrying a mix of concern and understanding.

I smiled softly at him, grateful for his presence. "Not at all, Hyunjin. It's nice to have someone to talk to."

We walked in comfortable silence for a while, the moon casting its ethereal glow on the water. Finally, I couldn't contain my thoughts any longer.

"Hyunjin, what do you think about love?" I ventured, testing the waters. "Do you believe that some connections are just not meant to be?"

He paused for a moment, his eyes focused intently on the horizon. "Love is a complicated thing, YN," he replied, his voice gentle. "Sometimes, we find ourselves in situations where we have to make difficult choices, and it's not always fair or easy."

His words hit home, resonating deeply within me. "What if you love someone, but you can't be with them?" I asked, my voice trembling slightly.

Hyunjin sighed, a mixture of empathy and sadness crossing his face. "It's a painful place to be, YN. But sometimes, love means letting go. It means preserving the happiness we share with the people we care about, even if it breaks our own hearts."

His words struck a chord within me, and tears welled up in my eyes as I realized the truth in his wisdom. Love wasn't always about possessing someone or being possessed. Sometimes, it meant sacrifice and putting the happiness of others before our own.

As we continued our walk, a sense of peace settled over me. Hyunjin's presence had provided solace, reminding me that I wasn't alone in my struggles. He had always been there, supporting me, even when I didn't realize it.

Back at the hotel, I said my goodnights to Hyunjin, feeling a deep sense of gratitude for his friendship. He had been my rock, my confidant when I needed it the most.

In the solitude of my room, I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, finding strength in the realization that love wasn't always about romantic relationships. It could be found in deep friendships too.

As I drifted off to sleep, I vowed to cherish the bond I shared with all my friends, including Minho and Jisung. And in doing so, I hoped to find a love and happiness of my own, even if it wasn't the one I had initially imagined.

[marshmallowprotection]

Hi!

I know several people have already messaged you with support and love about the situation you escaped recently, but I just wanted to join in quickly too (I was too shy to hop in before;;), to say a few things. I hope it might cheer you up. :)

Toxic relationships in any form are absolutely horrible. I had the misfortune of having an extremely toxic friend as a child and not even knowing its effect upon me until only recently. That just shows, I think, how feelings can stay for a long time. And it hurts. I know how much it does.

Maybe in that way, I can understand what you went and are going through, even if only just a little bit.

But you can get through this. I know it!

You're stronger than you know, and we all believe it - because I think it's safe to say that we're all here for you! ♡

We're here for you, just like you're always here for us - providing comfort when we're upset, anxious or feeling down.

You more than deserve it in return.

I've only been following you for a month or so, but that's enough to see how lovely you are as a person, and not only content creator.

You dedicate so much of your own time to talk to us, and help us.

You are so blinkin' admirable, compassionate, and kind.

You're strong.

We all love you -

And so does Saeran Choi.

He adores you, and he's right by your side.

Even if he's invisible, he's with you, always. Call him out of your heart whenever you need him for his warmth and comfort. He promised to, and he'll keep that promise forever. ♡

He loves you! So much.

And so do we.

Thank you, for everything.

♡

We are going to get out of this some way, somehow. No matter what you're going through, there's going to be an opening for you to make a difference for yourself and it'll get better. Even if we haven't had the same experiences, we can still sympathize with each other in knowing that getting away from things that hurt us is important in the long run. We have to be nice to ourselves and remember that we're doing our best. Even if it doesn't work out the way that we intend it to, as long as we are able to make some kind of difference in our lives for the better, that's what matters. Saeran has seen me through hell and back since 2016. I'm never letting him go just as much as I hope he never lets go of me.

[skallagrimsson]

His Majesty King Harald's speech on New Year's Eve 2023.

Invisible hands helps us, writes Jon Fosse, our own Nobel Prize winner in literature, in one of his poems. These invisible hands can be so many different things: Love, friendship, a belief in God, will, hope.

We all need some invisible hands. And many of us need them a little extra now. Both here at home and in the world around us.

Tonight I want to encourage you to light candles.

A light for all who suffer in wars and conflicts.

A light for people we miss.

And a light for hope.

Hope that a better world, where we can all live in freedom and peace with each other, must be possible. Hope that what is difficult in our lives must become a little easier to live with.

For me, there is a defiant hope in this one word: We.

We is a small but spacious and beautiful word. For us, it embraces us all. It is the opposite of us and them. The opposite of putting each other in stalls.

Together, we contribute to creating a good environment at school, at the workplace and in our local environment. Together, we have agreed that in Norway we must take care of each other, so that we all have the opportunity both to give and to receive during our lives. Together we create an understanding of right and wrong so that we can behave properly towards each other and take care of the trust between us.

To bring about this community for real, we need

To listen

To speak the truth about reality

To be patient.

I strongly believe in listening. Listening gives hope for a community with room for everyone. Because something a little magical can happen when we actually listen to each other.

We will be seen.

We are taken seriously.

We straighten our backs.

It's almost too easy and good to be true! And that is something we can all achieve.

It worries me that a number of young people, but also older people in Norway today do not feel seen, understood and counted on. I fear it will create anger and frustration that could harm our community.

To each and every one of you I want to say: I don't know what it's like to be you. But I would very much like to understand. Hold on to the fact that you are a whole person for better or worse, like everyone else - especially when others forget to remind you.

Accept help when you need it.

And be helpful to others when you can.

I hope you feel that invisible hands are supporting you. Maybe not always. But that you have something or someone that gives you strength and hope. Remember you have a voice. Use it when you can!

Listening is connected with speaking the truth about what has happened, and acknowledging each other's reality.

It was also a prerequisite for the Truth and Reconciliation Commission's work, which was presented this summer. There, shocking stories were told about the injustice committed against the Sami, Kven and Forest Finns through the brutal policy of Norwegianization - which lasted from around 1850 until well into our time.

People were deprived of their language, their culture, their self-confidence and their identity. For some, it cost them their lives.

And all this was done in the name of nation-building – in a Norway that at the time itself needed to build self-confidence as a nation after 400 years of Danish rule. The Norwegianization was a loss for all of us.

A loss of a cultural wealth that belonged - indeed belongs - in our own country. Looking with open eyes at what has actually happened is crucial for the reconciliation work that must now follow in the wake of the important report.

This also applies to other relationships in life - and in conflicts in the world around us. We must acknowledge what has happened, what cannot be undone. And what we have to build on together - after all.

Listening, and speaking honestly, I think is crucial for a community. And then we need the difficult patience.

I've lived long enough to know that things take time. Both in society, between people, and in ourselves. Much of lasting value has no quick fix. It has taken us generations to build the society we know today as ours, of which we are proud and feel at home.

A foundation in building society is about how equipped we are as a people and a nation to face dangers and threats. Both internal and external. Our most important protection is a robust and persistent people who can withstand a blow.

We cannot take peace and freedom, resources and common goods for granted. We must stand guard! Norway's preparedness is, when it comes down to it, the sum of each individual's resilience.

We build on this positive force all the time through good partnerships. Through strong local communities. By standing up for each other, in the belief that there is a common good. It gives me great hope, because this is something we can all be part of. Both with invisible and active hands.

But then there are areas where the last thing we need is more patience.

Many young people write to me and express concern that not enough is being done to take care of nature and our earth. Young people are giving up on adults who don't take strong enough action, and not fast enough. I share the young people's concern and their impatience. The hope is that the new goals the world's leaders have set must be followed by action.

We now need everyone's impatience before time runs out for us. I cannot express this strongly enough.

Dear everyone,

When it's cold and dark, it's important to remember all the warmth, strength and good will that we humans share with each other on a daily basis.

It is natural for us to help each other. To comfort. Sharing.

We must cherish this good spark within ourselves.

Because this is us, this is us.

My New Year's hope is that we will be the invisible hands that support each other.

Happy New Year!

[thesinglesjukebox]

CARLY RAE JEPSEN - "PSYCHEDELIC SWITCH"

More like Corny Rae Jepsen, right?

[7.29]

Will Adams: I like to think I have a firm grasp on my critical faculties. I can discern between good and not good without being clouded with biases. I know not to be deceived by something that is obviously pandering to me. And then I'm presented with the concept of "Carly Rae Jepsen French house song" and I just don't know anymore. [7]

Michael Hong: Carly Rae Jepsen is too deeply corny of a person to have realized that "putting on the Ritz" would sound exactly like "putting on the rizz," but maybe that's what makes her such an endearing figure. Between that line and the previous use of "birthday suit," all the glamour, all the lavishness, any hint of sexiness set up by its golden beat fades from sight. What's left is pure earnestness, an embarrassing giddiness carried with each affectionate declaration. Her voice soars on the word "satisfied," no come down in sight. That's love. [10]

Jeffrey Brister: I feel like I'm still chasing that high from 2015, hoping to get something at least half as beautiful. This still isn't that, but it hits another set of aesthetic pleasure buttons, like when 13 year-old me took my first handful of hard-earned money and bought a copy of Daft Punk's Discovery. That four on the floor pulse, with that skipping disco bass, all set against those shimmery synths that seem to catch a prismatic array of color when they drop. And Carly Rae is singing! I'm satisfied, in a way that I didn't realize I needed. [8]

Wayne Weizhen Zhang: The switch, of course, is from crippling anxiety to utter bliss. "Psychedelic Switch" could be just another pleasant CRJ track, but it ascends into the sublime because of the messy, aching depth it gives to love. Yes, this sounds like rainbows and sunshine but listen to how her love constantly teeters on the edge of precarity: "Don't wake me cuz I'm lucid dreaming," "My insecurities are things I never was," "I don't want to hide when I'm with you," "You feel just like home, I'm not scared to show you." Ecstasy even has an expiration date of a couple years, but that won't stop her from reveling in its warmth. Indeed, romance sometimes feels like a battle to keep insecurity from dulling better times; for those moments, I'll switch on this track. [9]

Joshua Minsoo Kim: I'm afraid the most obvious touchstone here is too perfect and out-CRJs CRJ herself: Daft Punk understood that distilling the wide expanse of emotional experience into a simple mantra ("One more time!") was the stuff of pure ecstasy. Jepsen's done that time and again, going meta with "Cut to the Feeling," and finding room for it in her wordier songs ("On the bed! On the floor!"). "Psychedelic Switch" makes a mistake that's plagued her for much of the past half-decade: she says too much. Thankfully, that translates into an excitement that's too big to keep to oneself, and it's buoyed by an earnestness that bonks you on the head when she sings about birthday suits. You can't help but crack a smile and give in. [6]

Jacob Sujin Kuppermann: Lately I've preferred CRJ in arena rock star mode (exemplified by "Want You In My Room," "Stadium Love," and also that time last year I literally saw her play a hockey stadium) but "Psychedelic Switch" is a good argument for her core proficiency as one of our finest dance pop operatives. Here, she moves nimbly within a beat that is European as hell, effortlessly charming and unburdened. [7]

Aaron Bergstrom: Carly Rae Jepsen is, and has always been, just unabashedly corny. It's what makes her so relatable. We all see our most earnest selves in her. When she writes about crushes, unrequited love, the giddy adrenaline rush of a new relationship, the gnawing ache of feeling invisible, I just believe her, more than any other pop star. (Be honest, do you think Dua Lipa has ever truly pined?) The flip side of that is that when she writes from a position of cool, confident sexiness, even on a track this effortlessly sinuous, she never really leaves that inner dork behind. I guess what I'm saying is that this is the highest score I can possibly give a song that uses both "birthday suit" and "puttin' on the ritz" unironically. [7]

Nortey Dowuona: I once compared Charli XCX to Earl Sweatshirt, so I'd probably compare Vince Staples to Carly Rae. They're kinder and more sincere than they might seem, they love certain retro styles more than they'd say, and they're making solid, accessible music at a point in their careers where they no longer need to challenge their audience but simply tend to them honestly. Oh, and their interviews are hotter too. [7]

Ian Mathers: Last year I tried to articulate why I can't/don't tend to write much about one of my all-time favourite musicians. Still stands! [10]

Oliver Maier: Carly hasn't really put it all together like she did on Emotion all those centuries ago but it's hard to picture her as someone who gets hung up on her legacy. I don't care much either as long as she can still crank out two or three songs this fun every album cycle. Not very psychedelic but "French Housedelic Switch" doesn't really have the same ring to it. [7]

Katherine St Asaph: I'm not sure why I haven't loved a Carly Rae Jepsen song in years. The real reason is probably that I cannot truly love a Carly Rae Jepsen song without pinning a terrible decision on it. The logical, on-paper reason is that "Psychedelic Switch" isn't what I wanted from Carly: basically Cathy Battistessa on a French house song, with all the Majestic Casual accoutrements: sunrise visualizer video, panoply of word-association New Age lyrics. (I can't decide whether "meditating on your lips" is deeply stupid or deeply sexy.) And Carly's voice has clearly audibly been sieved through 1000 vocal takes and 500 run-throughs of processing -- yet it's still distinctively her, and elevates this single far higher than it would otherwise land. Just, you know, on paper. [6]

Lauren Gilbert: I feel disloyal, somehow, to one of my favorite artists of all time for thinking The Loveliest Time doesn't quite hit right. Yeah, this is classic Carly In Love; it fits in the same genre as "Run Away With Me" and "Cut to the Feeling." And it is a bop. But it doesn't make me want to dance on the roof with you, or wake up with you all in tangles. It's good, don't get me wrong; it would be the best song most artists had ever produced. But it's not magic; it doesn't make my heart pound and my blood feel carbonated. It's good, but it's just not great. Also, the line "in my birthday suit with you/I'm putting on the Ritz" makes me cringe every time. [8]

Michelle Myers: Listening to this song feels like getting stuck on a cursed tilt-a-whirl ride at a carnival in 2001 while an endless edit of Kylie Minogue's "Love at First Sight" plays in the distance. [8]

Tara Hillegeist: Listening to CRJ attempting Lover-era Swift is the sort of experience that makes one yearn for the days when the UN actually tried to enforce the Geneva Convention anywhere outside of the Steam storefront. [4]

Dorian Sinclair: I've been a CRJ fan for over a decade (!) now, and one thing that's been consistent through the vast majority of the music she's released in that time is a certain vocal straightforwardness. It's not that her vocals weren't processed, but you got the impression there was an effort to preserve the "feeling" of an acoustic human voice. "Psychedelic Switch" throws that out the fucking window. Not coincidentally, it's one of the freshest-feeling songs she's released in years. The chopped, stuttering vocals in the accompaniment, and the way those effects bleed into the main line, all contribute to the hazy euphoria of the track -- and, crucially, don't make her delivery any less expressive. It's a fun sound, and on an album that feels like a workshop for stray ideas and sonic experiments, I think it's one of the most successful. [9]

Brad Shoup: Twelve years ago last week, I was wrong about "Call Me Maybe." I was glib about the song because my process was off; listening to it, I was already thinking ahead to the jokes. (One of those jokes was especially bad and an editor cut it -- I'm still grateful for that mercy.) It happens. Wrong day, wrong sound. Or maybe you're just writing for the other writers (I am always writing for the other writers). In this case, I glommed onto the men who produced and co-wrote the track, and riffed on that -- and AI, apparently? -- instead of engaging with the kind of breezy, open song I stopped hearing on the pop station within a few years. All that to say: sometimes I think I wanna hear something goofy but when something goofy actually comes out I don't know what to do with it. So here's a French-touch pop track with idioms the French wouldn't, uh, touch: I cannot believe that in 2023, she sang "birthday suit" and "puttin' on the ritz" in the same song, let alone the same couplet. That it comes just after a wish for "a couple years of this" -- a perfectly free-spirited phrase -- is amazing. I'm not sure if I'm falling into old traps or if this decidedly non-psychedelic track is not serving Jepsen's trademark effervescence. Maybe she could have plunged some bloghouse bass into the bubbles. Maybe it's just me. [5]

Vikram Joseph: If we're completely honest with ourselves, there's been something slightly tepid about the whole Loneliest/Loveliest Time era -- a suite of genre experiments without the conviction to push them beyond pastiche, interspersed with more straightforward alt-pop songs which mostly fall well short of the euphoria that the best Carly Rae Jepsen songs can induce. Thank goodness then for "Psychedelic Switch," a celebration of pop maximalism with a chorus so effervescent that it seems to shoot visible sparks. Kyle Shearer's production leans without any pretense into turn-of-the-century dance-pop -- "Love At First Sight", "One More Time" and "Music Sounds Better With You" are all obvious touchstones -- but the equilibrium between the breathy, sun-dappled verses and the heavenward rush of the chorus helps it transcend its influences (and a rather ordinary set of lyrics) to become a late-period Jepsen gem. [8]

Peter Ryan: The early rush of the Stardust referent having worn off, I feel a little ambivalent about this one. Carly's in her most celebrated mode, that bowled-over lovestruck wonderment that she specializes in, the music's effervescence matching her point-for-point, downbeat so crisp it could cut glass. But her lyric feels a little phoned-in, only sticking for me with the "meditating on your lips/putting on the ritz" chorus bookends -- the rest gives an air of being a couple drafts away from an A-side. I don't skip it when it comes on, but it's fallen out of my Loveliest Time top-5. [6]

Edward Okulicz: This is a completely average, adequate filter house song. All of its pluses and minuses cancel each other out perfectly. Carly has charisma, but that's offset by the vocal mixing, which is early 2000s in a bad way. The song is catchy, but it's not very memorable. The lifts from other songs, even if just lyrical, are cute, but for every one of those there's some obvious bilge in there. I am not particularly a fan of CRJ but usually I understand what people hear in her. Here, I don't. I have met people who have honest to god told me that the best song of all time is Stardust's "Music Sounds Better With You," another song so average that I have grown to despise it. I can't imagine getting to "best song of all time" or "hate with intensity of a thousand suns" here, so the objectively correct score is: [5]

Taylor Alatorre: Pop music is endlessly valorizing the "one night" that promises to change everything, at least when it isn't gesturing toward a "forever" that's always just out of reach. So for the majority of us who live somewhere in between those two extremes, it's pleasantly refreshing to hear Jepsen sing with such gusto about being satisfied "with a couple years of this," even if it is prefaced with that familiar "forever." Those understated lyrical quirks that flip the quotidian into the memorable are a CRJ trademark, and her decision to inject a bit of sober realism into this sparkling romantic headrush actually enhances the mood rather than dampening it, bringing the movie-perfect fever dream that much closer to the listener's grasp. [8]

Jackie Powell: Carly Rae Jepsen called "Psychedelic Switch" the sister song to "The Loneliest Time." She views them as the two songs that lead their respective albums. She's correct, but in addition to these two being sisters, they also are complementary and contrapositive of each other. "TLT" is a chiller disco ballad that tells a story of a dream and a yearning for a love that was lost. The energy is turned all the way up on "Psychedelic Switch" and Jepsen is singing about a euphoric honeymoon phase. There's so much comfort and freedom in her voice when she croons: "It's like I'm wakin' up in a euphoria/My insecurities are things I never was" in the pre chorus. The hook is accompanied by an incredibly catchy bassline that is concurrently running alongside the tempo. Actually, the bassline is setting the tempo. The percussive elements are lighter and much more sprinkled in the background. The hi-hats and cymbals contrast the heavier and much more predominant snare and tom sounding percussion in "TLT." What's wild about "Psychedelic Switch" is that it's over four minutes long, but it moves quickly. While it does slow briefly at the 3 minute mark for an underwhelming bridge -- one without a key change or any TikTok-able potential -- the final minute returns to what the song does best. Jepsen's spunk and her pacing alongside an expeditious bassline seals the deal. [8]

[Read, comment and vote on The Singles Jukebox ]

[thewonkywitchescauldron]

The Witch's Shield

What is a Witch's Shield and why do we need them?

The witch's shield is what every practitioner needs to learn, administer and keep strong throughout their practice. Especially new witches. Think of it as an invisible force field to our eyes but energetically you and other energies can feel a resistance if they try to penetrate your protection.

Another easy example is you lock yourself and your family into your homes in the evening before you go to bed, you lock away valuables out of sight and reach of others to keep everyone and everything safe from people who wish to do and cause harm towards you. So why would being energetically open be acceptable? You’re basically leaving the door open for anyone and anything to come into your space and wreak havoc. 

Now as you're interested or have been involved in this side of life, I very much doubt you don’t know that everything is made up of energy. It’s scientifically proven as well. FINALLY science is catching up to the occult and proving what we’ve been saying all along....there are things out there...invisible things that we can only sense and sometimes see/hear when we are on the same wavelength so to speak for communication and connection.

Wards and Protection, Are they the same? So Protection is something you keep behind closed doors so to speak and a Ward is a Guardian - a bodyguard or your security camera if you will.

Do we need both? Sometimes. Is it wise to have both? Yes.

You can have protection around yourself, around loved ones, your home, your car, your work space, your purse/wallet, pets. You name it, you can protect it. You can also have a Ward around yourself, your loved ones, your car etc etc. For something untoward to get to what you want to protect, it has to go through security checks and allowed into your space before they can even introduce themselves to you.

Most people, especially those who aren’t involved in this side of life, will think you only need protection to shield yourself from evil spirits or to defend ourselves from other witches. Good old Hollywood strikes with this way of thinking. Most of us witches don’t believe in the christian god ‘Satan’ but that doesn’t mean we don’t believe or know of negative energies out there that can make themselves known to us at some point in our lives. That doesn’t mean that we think every negative thing that comes at us is a demon or poltergeist for instance - side note - EXTREMELY RARE. But we know of energetic negative energy that is sent towards someone or has been built up over time. 

Not all negative energy is evil, it’s just a lower vibration of energy of what we need to flourish. Think of it as energetic dirt, you wash yourself to physically get rid of dirt, so why leave our energetic bodies to take on muck which in the end can bring on illness, fatigue, spiritual development can be slower etc. So keep your energetic body clean and you’ll be better for it.

Most of the negative energies you will come across on your path will be rather mundane. Something you can easily detect and remedy, which we’ll get onto in a moment.

But for now what about wards? We naturally have our own Ward connected to us since birth. These are called ‘Guides’. Most of you (I hope anyway) are in connection with their guides and have a relationship with them already. If not, do not worry they are ready and waiting for you to make connections and help you along your path. These can be seen as your spiritual bodyguards.

They are here to work with you along your path and within your life (to a certain degree - don’t forget we do have free will) It is their job. They are contracted to you as you are to them. Before you came down to this earth you both made a decision who was going down and who was staying, what you would want to learn from this experience and how they can help you. Both growing together and in turn helping each other's souls progress to higher understandings.

They are with you the majority of the time especially when you are trying to develop spiritually or are in some kind of danger. However they won’t be helping you pick out the best carrots while you're shopping, they do have better things to do funnily enough. They can be funny and serious, loving and tough on us. But that’s what we need. They are our best spiritual friends, they have our best interests at heart and want us to succeed and grow as they can also succeed and grow along with us, so it’s win-win really.

Other types of wards can be put in place to help guard what we want protecting such as Spell Jars, Witches Bells, Poppets, Crystals, Witches Ladders, Mirrors, Mojo Bags & Herb Bags.

So we’re going to discuss these a little more alongside protection work so you’ll have the knowledge and means to perform these yourself when you need your security bumped up a notch or two

But how do we do this? Is it hard? Are there different types of protection and wards? the questions really do go on and on. But your here today to find out some more information from this wonky witch on what it’s all about and how to perform such things, so let’s get witchin’.

Most Common Types of Attack Psychic Thoughts/Energy - Yes just the thought sent out into the universe can be an attack. Now it depends how much power the sender has and how much protection you have as a witch, on how you’ll be affected. These attacks are to cause misfortune to the target in question.

You may just have small silly things happening that are inconvenient for you within your life or you may feel down, drained or even everytime you come across someone in particular you feel some form of negativity from them. This could be them thinking negatively about you and wishing that on you simply because they are jealous in some way or you said something they didn’t like or they just don’t like you - little fact here everyone, not everyone is going to like you and visa versa, it’s just the way energy works. We’re like magnets, sometimes we attract, sometimes we repel. It’s not intentional but sooner you accept that the better.  Some energies just don’t mix and that is fine!

There is power in words and thoughts, just have that in mind when something like this comes about. You may even be throwing a psychic attack to someone unintentionally because you just don’t like them in some form or fashion. Check yourself before you think negative of someone. Do they deserve it? and Why the hell are you even bothered by them? That’s the thing you need to look at more, is why are you bothered by what they said? because it’s true? did it hit a nerve that you didn’t want to face. Because 9/10 they will forget what they said or done in an instant and carry on with their lives, while you’re still obsessing over it and letting that psychic attack into your space.

Psychic Vampires - No I’m not talking about people running around in the dead of night, with sharp teeth and sucking the life force out of your neck. I’m talking about energy drainers which is probably a better term to give them. Now like psychic attacks this can be done unintentionally and I’m sorry to say it but we’ve all done it to someone.

Ever had a friend or family member who you dread to see sometimes because you just know they are going to be chewing your ear off moaning about every little thing over and over again but never doing anything about it. The oh worries me people. I mean we’ve all done it, we’ve moaned to people who will listen because we’re upset or frustrated by something then feel loads better just by having a moan about it to someone. But then the person listening is left almost on the floor from all the negative energy that’s been thrown at them by listening to the worries of the world from someone else.

This is a great example of having to have protection up so you're not left drained because they have basically fed on your energy to make themselves feel better. Good for them but not good for you. This can also happen even when you're not communicating with a person. You could be sitting on a bus and the person in front of you is just simply sitting there but suddenly you feel drained of energy. They have unknowingly tapped into your energy and taken what they need to boost their energy up while leaving you drained. As i said they haven’t looked at you and consciously gone ‘oh they look like they're full of good vibes, i’ll have some of that, gimme gimmie’ but their energetic body has gone ‘oh i feel weak. They look good, i’m sure they can spare some’ and zap! ‘thanks, bye’

We’ve done it ourselves. We know we’re meeting a friend today, which we may think ‘oh my god, I love their energy, they are so full of happiness, i’m going to feel great after seeing them’. Now you could either leave them feeling drained or you can feed off of each other which the later is always the best option but it’s not always the case.

Spirits - Unwanted or Otherwise - Now as i said before sometimes these can be out guides so it’s important to gather this information first before you start blocking them out. After All they want and need to help us along our path for us both to grow.

There could also be loved ones trying to communicate with us, even though they have passed they still wish to pick up the phone and have a conversation with us but because we aren’t on the same frequency to them we find it hard most of the time to know what they wish to speak about.

Now once you open up to spiritual practices and communication or stoke your cauldrons fire your going to look very interesting to an array of spirits (known or unknown). This is where you need to have ya wits about you, because yes you can have people knocking on your door, but do you want them to enter? The majority of them are harmless, and once they know you are as well, they will just leave and go about their business. But just be aware that once you turn your sign to open for business all sorts of energies will come and check you out to see what your upto. These can be thought of as scavengers, just like a rodent making their way into your home, you won’t want them in there because they carry disease and leave little presents for you, but perhaps they want to find food and warmth. We respect their lives and just want to usher them back outside where they came from so you and your family are safe, and we do so by covering up any holes they may have got through - protecting our space once again. These spirits can find a gap within your protection and make their way in just to see what your up to just like that rodent.

Other spirits can be the lost, the ones who have passed but not gone through the light, due to trauma of some kind. They can see you're open for business and come in to ask for some help. They do not mean any harm but these are usually troubled souls looking for aid so you may feel negative energy from them as they are in need of guidance of what has happened and healing to then move on.

Some people see these spirits as attachments or menacing but all they are doing is asking for some help and as your light is on, they have come to you. If you feel unsure then please do get intouch with a medium to see what they can do to help or send them here to Kallima as we do run a rescue circle and we can help them move on for you.

Jinx - Jinxes are small, relatively harmless spells. When you cast a jinx, it will cause your target minor annoyances that are temporary. You know the little annoyances like car tyre puncturing too many times, things breaking around you, electrical malfunctions, the annoying things in life that just grate on you.

Casting a jinx mainly makes you feel better about a situation and they’re usually done in the heat of the moment when someone has upset you in some way and you want to make them pay for it. The downside of doing these is that you probably won’t know if it worked unless you’re super close with the individual. Jinxes are generally harmless towards the target but are mean-spirited. They’re cast when you want something negative to happen to your target. They also don’t last that long, although you can set a specific time period before casting a jinx.

Hexes - Hexes are much stronger than jinxes. These spells will send negative energy towards your target (depending on your intention) but the hex won’t last super long. Generally, a hex is for a set duration of time or stops working when the target learns their lesson. Hexes are often useful when someone continues to do wrong and you need them to change.

Curses - Unlike hexes and jinxes, curses are meant to last for a long time. Some curses even last for generations. A curse can be placed on a person, family, place, etc. Curses really are the worst of the worst and are dangerous to the target. It’s typical for witches to cast curses on their abusers or on someone who made their life a living hell.

But don’t forget what you throw out comes back to you....in the wiccan rede it’s said it comes back threefold. If you believe in Karma then be careful unless you're willing to take on any repercussions for your actions. Especially if you're sending energy to another witch because you can cause a magickal war - literally.

Some Signs & Diagnosing of a Magickal Attack These are some potential signs to look out for when you're thinking of protection and being magickally attacked.

- A feeling of being watched, especially when you’re on your own. Now don’t forget this could be your guide or a loved one so before jumping straight to thinking you're being magically attacked do some research first. - Vivid or occuring nightmares -  these could be personal fears or phobias or a horrid dream of someone chasing you and you can’t get away. This can be a sign of someone warning you that you’re under attack and you need to defend yourself. - Energy drainage - this can feel physical, emotional or mental. This can affect all parts of your life and health if it goes unchecked. Have you been getting enough sleep yet feel tired ALL the time, have no zest for things you loved doing before. Of course seek medical help before jumping straight to magickal attack but this is a very common one that people experience. - Suddenly becoming accident prone causing objects to break, tripping over your own feet etc a run of bad luck basically. - A sudden and unexpected illness when no other causes of the illness are apparent. Again check with your doctor first but if they cannot find anything this could be a sign of magickal attack.

Divination is a good place to start, especially from another practitioner who can read something that you may not want to acknowledge. Another practitioner , especially one who doesn’t know you personally won’t have the emotional attachment to you and can see things clearer and have an unattached view of the situation.

Cleansing Your Energetic Body Now there are a few easy steps to take to cleanse your energetic body. Like I said previously you physically clean yourself of dirt so why not cleanse your energetic body from any energetic dirt that's sticking to it.

Smudging -  Smudging has long been used to connect to the spiritual realm or enhance intuition. For healers and people in traditional cultures, burning herbs is used to achieve a healing state — or to solve orreflect upon spiritual dilemmas. Smudging is a critical first step in any sacred ritual, as well as an important way to complete and seal sacred work. This ancient practice clears low vibrations and stuck energies. Burning sacred herbs and resins is perhaps the most time-tested method for energetically (and sometimes physically) cleansing a space. For millennia, our ancestors have believed that sacred smoke raises vibrations and assists with magic.

Ritual Bathing or Showering - Yes you can energetically cleanse yourself while your physically cleansing yourself. As water is connected to the Emotions this is of course a god way to help wash away any negative emotions you may be feeling down the drain. Adding salt, herbs and essential oil energy into the mix will help cleanse the energetic body further.

Salt - Salt absorbs what is in the air around it, like odors for instance. It’s a natural cleaner. It will soak up the energy around it too. That’s a good thing. Most witches use salt in almost every ritual or spell they perform. Salt can be used to create protective barriers to cleansing your magickal ritual circle before working. You can also place bowls of salt in corners of a room to catch any negative energies and banish them from the space. Some witches use salt as an offering to particular deities and spirits.

Water - As I said before Water is associated with the emotions so using water in some form or fashion when cleansing is a great idea. You can literally do it on a daily basis. Just by showering or bathing you can energetically cleanse when you have the intention behind it. Also using other forms of water is amazing. Moon water is always a firm favourite as it can cleanse and heal.  Moon water is water that is charged by the energy of the moon. Preferably a full moon or supermoon, where the energy is heightened.

Rose Water - Magickally it is used in spells for cleansing, love, romance, healing, psychic energy and protection. A magickal water that’s been infused with the essence of roses is called rose water. Rose water is popular in many magickal traditions including hoodoo and has been used as medicinal headache relief in years past. There are different ways to make rose water, but the more traditional involves infusing the rose essence into water via heat.

Florida Water - is a magical water that’s not an actual water, but a combination of essential oils mixed with a solvent. Florida Water has also been remarkably known for its magickal properties and has become a standard cleansing and protective agent among the Voodoo/Santeria followers and the Shamans of Peru, which they include in many magickal rituals and practices as well as during any preparation phase for protection and cleansing. Bathe in Florida Water on a New Moon to cleanse away negativity. Anoint your altar and tools with it. Bless your home.

Some Types of Wards Circle Casting - Circle casting refers to the practice of setting up a temporary protective space for magick or ritual. It is, by definition, round. Circle-casting is a term that’s most commonly used in Wiccan traditions, but other magick users may cast circles, as well. The magick circle is a mobile temple, a place apart from the ordinary world where magickal happenings can more easily occur.

Spell Jars/Witch Bottles - Perhaps the best-known type of jar spell is the witch bottle. In early times, the bottle was designed as a way to protect oneself from malicious witchcraft and sorcery. In particular, around the time of Samhain, homeowners might create a witch bottle to keep evil spirits from entering the home on Hallow's Eve. The witch bottle was usually made of pottery or glass, and included sharp objects such as pins and bent nails. It typically contained urine as well, belonging to the homeowner, as a magickal link to the property and family within. The other reason why using your own urine comes up a lot in traditional witchcraft is because humans are animals too – using your own urine in a protection spell is quite literally marking your territory! The best uses for witch bottles or spell jars are ones with an air of protection. Think about it – you’re encasing the spell inside of a solid object. Where else in our lives do we do that to things (or people)?

Sigils - Sigil magick is the art of using symbols and imagery to manifest a specific intent or outcome. They are a wonderfully useful form of magick. They are coded with your unique purpose and can only be deciphered by you, allowing your intention to remain a secret as the universe works to align and deliver your desire. This gives them incredible power.

Symbols - Using symbols within your craft is very useful. You can use them within the spell or as the energy themselves. There are hundreds of different symbols out there to use but we’ll just show a few here to get you started.

Some Types of Wards

Poppet Dolls - Poppets work on the magickal practice of sympathetic magick. Like for Like.

The poppet can be made into figures of people, animals or even body parts. They are worked if they contain ‘tags’ of the target. This could be hair, teeth, finger nails, clothing, things they have used or touched, photos, named paper or even curios that represent the target. You can add herbs, crystals, petals, roots, barks, bone and even flesh or animal body parts to the poppet. The more you add the more potent your poppet will be.

You breathe life into the poppet so it takes on its own soul so to speak. These are great for wards as they can literally stand guard.

Witch Bells -  Witches love to hang little bells from their door handles to scare away unwanted spirits. Usually they enchant them with spells. You can hang little bells from your door handle or on your door and chant a spell or simply hold the bells in your hand and charge them with your intent. These bells cleanse the space everytime they are rung as well as spooking any negative energy that comes into contact with the ringing bell, making them flee from the area.

Besoms - These wonderful witchy brooms are used for cleansing however also for protection and warding when hung above the entrance of a premises.

Spell Jars/Witches Jars - As said in the protection part of this workshop, Spell jars are used as a protection but they can also put that barrier up so no unwanted energies can push through into your protected space.

Iron Nails/Horseshoes - Iron Ground negative energy. If using a horseshoe, have it facing down to ground negative energy and send it away. Facing up is said to gather luck. Using iron nails you can face them outwards to prick any negative energy coming at your home or space. The energy will soon scarper.

For some more information and more in depth check out the following Authors and Books:

Jason Miller - Protection and Reversal Magick. A witches defense manual

Christopher Penczak - The Witch’s Shield. Protection Magick and Psychic Self-Defense

I hope you’ve enjoyed this Around The Wonky Witches Cauldron and that you can use this information on Protection Magick as well as read more for yourself and get yourself protected

Blessed Be WillowMoon

[yourwitchmama]

What To Expect During the Mercury Retrograde 2021

Yes, it is that time again, the infamous Mercury retrograde. Yet, the unusual paths we take and the unexpected twists in life are important to pay attention to, since they give awareness to necessary karmic lessons. It is important to understand that we need these periods in order to maintain balance in our lives. The Mercury retrogrades are known for bringing experiences of leaving one state to enter a new one, and in 2021, this retrograde will be bringing us great change. This retrograde will help us adjust to the great change and volatility in the societal system that will come from Saturn and Jupiter beginning a new cycle together, while Saturn additionally forms three square aspects with Uranus. Although Mercury retrograde has been demonized by many, it is in fact a natural phase of dissolution, purification, and regeneration that is essential to the function of Mercury. Part of Mercury’s role is to destabilize dynamics in order to loosen control and bring about a turning point in narrative and meaning. While in retrograde, Mercury transitions from being visible into an invisible phase during which it comes closest to earth in orbit, intensifying its impact on our lives. The backward motion of Mercury calls upon us to reflect upon ourselves as human beings. This the time to shed what is no longer needed, be that people, an unhealthy lifestyle, a job or house change, etc.

Think of the Death Major Arcana tarot card. It isn’t about physical death, but metaphorical death and change. The phrase “no mud, no louts” comes into play when Mercury is in retrograde, meaning that without the hard times and endings, there can be no birth and opportunity. This hope and positivity will be needed during the fundamental restructuring of societal systems that will take place in 2021. Mercury usually goes through three retrograde phases each year in the same element, and during 2021, Mercury will be retrograde in the air signs of Aquarius, Gemini, and Libra. 

So, how is Mercury affected by air signs? Mercury has an affinity with the element of air, as it shares qualities with this element such as mobility, flexibility, and versatility. This means, changing our use of technology and reformulating the way we gather ideas and communicate information so that we stay current with the major changes across global society. Censoring and shadowbanning will be an issue, but without this retrograde, we wouldn’t see the problem, thus we will let it go unnoticed. No mud, no lotus. Since the air element accelerates movement, there will be rapidly developing trends and collective movements we will need to adjust to and understand. We will also need to become more effective in applying critical thinking skills toward the information we receive from external sources, and so we can utilize the periods of Mercury retrograde for realizing what needs to change in our thinking and problem solving. You need to understand who funds the information sources you are looking at, and you need to do your own research and critical thinking on every single aspect of information, or you may be following something blindly based on emotion, especially during the Mercury retrograde.

 Mercury being retrograde in each of the air signs is especially significant due to 2021 being the beginning of a new era of Jupiter and Saturn uniting in only air signs that will last until 2159. Wow, that’s a long time. Well, sometimes great change in human evolution and understanding needs time… As part of the transition, we will experience three exact square aspects between Saturn in Aquarius with Uranus in Taurus that will correspond with upheaval in societal structures as we adapt to an old era passing away. Things will not be returning to the way they were before 2020, and so we will need to develop stabilizing forms while the world around us goes through radical change. We may think things will “go back to normal” but astrology and current world events tell us that we will not have anything close to “normal”.

The first two exact square aspects between Saturn and Uranus on February 17 and June 14 will occur while Mercury is retrograde in Aquarius and Gemini, and so our experience of Mercury retrograde in 2021 will be pivotal in how we reorient our perception and mindset to align with the fundamental reshaping of global systems that will be taking place in correspondence. Globally, things are going to get… interesting to say the least. With numerous wars being started as we speak, and the United States being flooded with military, we are going to be in for a bumpy ride as WW3 starts looking more and more possible. You can tell something is going on if you look up, there are a lot of UFOS flying around. Check out MUFON for UFO picture submissions. I am putting this gently, but I need to tell you the truth of what is happening, or I feel like a bad sugar coating astrologer. Scared? Don’t be. This needs to happen if we want to evolve into a higher and more open minded dimension. Accept what is happening, work with it, and make it so that you will prosper and tell your children, and your children’s children what you have gone through to make their world a better place. So, how are the signs affected? 

🌎Earth Signs: ♉️ ♍️ ♑️ Sorry, earth signs, things are going to be rocky for you. There is a lack of common ground between air and earth signs. Earth signs are prone to routines that bring stability and grounding, while air signs are much more about movement and changing perspectives. The three Mercury retrograde periods will bring critical information regarding major changes you need to make with your work, schedules, and finances that will require openness to being more flexible and versatile. You won’t be able to stay in your comfort zone of the way things have been in the past. 

🔥Fire Signs: ♌️ ♈️ ♐️ Fire signs share an active quality with the element of air that is comfortable with an acceleration of events, which will be helpful in moving with the sweeping changes across society. You will need to be open to changing your mind and listening to new perspectives with Mercury retrograde in air signs. It will be important to seek out different information sources and people who think differently from you so you can gather a wider perspective on events in your decision making. Don’t rely on one person or one source or one social media platform. Look at ALL sources and make up YOUR mind instead of someone making up your mind for you. Being open to new viewpoints will also lead to important developments in your relationships and expanding your community.

🌊Water Signs: ♋️ ♏️ ♓️ While water and air signs are similar in being open to new ideas and influences, the tendency of water signs for being receptive and slowing things down will need to be adapted to the more active and accelerated quality of the air element. You will need to find outlets for processing your feelings and making space to explore how your inner world is being impacted by the great changes happening in external events. Yet you will also need to take a more active role in decision making so that you are not being too passive amidst the larger shifts in society taking place.

🌬Air Signs: ♊️ ♎️ ♒️ These changes are not going to be as hard for you to handle than the other signs, since you can go wherever the wind takes you. 

🗓 Dates for Mercury Retrograde 2021: January 15: Mercury enters retrograde shadow zone (11°01’ – 26°29’ Aquarius) January 23: Mercury at maximum elongation (begins to slow down) January 30: Mercury stations retrograde at 26°29’ Aquarius February 8: Mercury conjunct the sun at 20°01’ Aquarius (closest to Earth) February 20: Mercury stations direct at 11°01’ Aquarius March 6: Mercury at maximum elongation (begins to speed up) March 12: Mercury leaves retrograde shadow zone May 14: Mercury enters retrograde shadow zone (16°07’ – 24°43’ Gemini) May 17: Mercury at maximum elongation (begins to slow down) May 29: Mercury stations retrograde at 24°43’ Gemini June 10: Mercury conjunct the sun at 20°21’ Gemini (closest to Earth) June 22: Mercury stations direct at 16°07’ Gemini July 5: Mercury at maximum elongation (begins to speed up) July 7: Mercury leaves retrograde shadow zone September 6: Mercury enters retrograde shadow zone (10°07’ – 25°28’ Libra) September 13: Mercury at maximum elongation (begins to slow down) September 26: Mercury stations retrograde at 25°28’ Libra  October 9: Mercury conjunct the sun at 16º35′ Libra (closest to Earth) October 18: Mercury stations direct at 10°07’ Libra October 25: Mercury at maximum elongation (begins to speed up) November 2: Mercury leaves retrograde shadow zone

[screamingatanemptyroom]

Please Fix the Story pt 23 - Sci Fi

Here is the next part! There is at least one more part in this world. Getting really close to the end!

Masterpost Linked Here

Enjoy!

_______________________

Life moved on, and despite the growing anxiety I had after my encounter with Chris, things moved smoothly. Chris had disappeared after that night, leaving his resignation from the academy laying on his desk. Liam was busy with wedding plans, occasionally checking in to make sure I was happy with his choices.

He was honestly much more thoughtful about it than I would have been, and I was happy to have his help. My father arranged his leave and was on his way. We also heard from Liam’s parents that they were going to arrive soon as well.

When Liam received the news, he became perfectly still for a few moments. I watched him, concerned at the obvious change.

“Liam, are you okay?”

“I – I don’t know.” His eyes were unfocused, as if staring off into space. “Why… are they coming?”

“Because they’re your parents? I doubt they would miss the wedding of a royal family member, no matter how bad your relationship is.”

“Parents… it’s… all wrong.” Liam seemed to be struggling against some invisible bind. His dark blue eyes flickered, and seemed to almost glow in the shadow of the resting area we sat it.

WARNING. World destabilization detected. Attempting forced conformity… Failure… host and partner soul strength too high.

Unable to see the bright blue words hanging in the air, Liam continued speaking.

“This… isn’t right. I don’t have family." His face was becoming more certain. “It’s not my fate. All I have is…” He glanced at me, his eyes filled with pain. “Bel..?”

WARNING! Stabilize world story immediately or face destruction and mission failure.

I reached out quickly, holding Liam’s hands in my own. “Liam, take a deep breath. Do you trust me?”

“Yes.” He answered without hesitation.

“I know it seems wrong, but for now I need you to go with the idea of having parents and family.”

“But…?”

“Trust me. “

“Okay.” He leaned back, sighing. The glowing dark blue of his eyes faded, and he closed them for a brief moment, before seemingly returning back to normal. “I trust you.”

We don’t belong here.

The uncertainty in this world grew each day. Liam, whoever Chris had become… me… we weren’t from this world. But if we deviated to much, the world could destabilize, and I could fail the mission.

I just needed to keep my head down, blend in and complete the mission.

Try not to rebel too much against the role I’d been given in this world, except the ending.

Simple, right?

_______________________

…

“We’ve talked the last few hours about our lists, now it’s your turn! What do you miss most about Chris, Alaira?”

Maybe world destabilization, mission failure and soul destruction aren’t that bad after all.

I stared at the group of young women in front me, wondering for the hundredth time in the past hour how I had been roped into this... harem support group?

Allie, Ilene and Wen stared back at me, waiting for me to answer.

“I… miss kicking his butt in mock Mech battles?” I winced as I spoke, realizing they would probably take offense at that, but to my surprise they all smiled and nodded.

“Yeah, you were a very important rival to Chris.” Ilene patted me on the back.

Allie spoke up, “He was always talking about how he wanted to beat you and have you accept him as a fellow Guardian. “

“Yeah… he… I…” Wen started to chime in, but then her face crumpled as she sobbed into her hands. “What are we supposed to do now that he’s gone?! What am I supposed to do without him?! What if he never comes back?!”

“I miss him!”

“Me too!”

Soon all three girls were crying, leaving me in uncomfortable silence in the corner.

Blend in, don’t make waves, don’t try to change things….

“I can’t live without him!” Ilene’s dramatic cry broke something within me.

SCREW THIS!

“OKAY GUYS, SHUT UP!” I stood up, placing my hands on my hips as I stared at them. “You are a group of highly intelligent, talented women in the most competitive military academy in the known universe! And you’re nothing without some guy?”

“He’s not just some….” Wen started to interrupt, but was shushed by me.

“No. No matter how much you care for him. He is a guy, and you are all your own person. You have talents, dreams and stories beyond his existence.” I turned to petite girl beside me first. “You! Wen, you’re one of the top engineering students in the program! With your skills, it would be a cinch to improve upon the current Mech design!” After all, she had ramped up Chris’s Mech in the story, surely she could do the same without him!

“And you!” I pointed at Allie. “You’re a Guardian! You're a level B one at that! That's an even higher level than Chris!”

“But I don’t have his drive…”

“You can have his drive! You can have more than his drive! He spent half his time complaining about how people didn’t take him seriously or how people were trying to force him to be a Connector. You can be TEN TIMES the Guardian Chris was!”

I ignored her startled sputterings and turned towards the dark haired girl on the other side. “And you… Ilene.”

She stared at me warily. “What about me?”

“You’re a freaking Princess! And a super talented Connector! How can that become nothing if Chris isn’t around?”

“…I thought you didn’t like me?”

“I don’t.” I answered bluntly. “You treat your brother like trash, and that’s enough for me to want to kick your teeth in.” I sighed, leaning back in my chair. “That being said, just because I hate you doesn’t mean I don’t respect you as a talented Connector. You just have a crappy personality.”

“Um… Thanks?”

“Don’t mention it.” I opened my arms. “You three have top-notch talent all gathered here in one room. What do you need Chris for?! You could be a force to be reckoned with!”

Wen jumped to her feet. “You’re right! I should design a Mech, one stronger than anyone’s ever seen.!”

“Yes!” I pumped a hand in the air.

“And I’ll fly it! I’ll terrorize the Hive until they go running back to their home planet!” Allie stood up as well.

“You’ve got it!”

Ilene joined in. “If I remember, Allie, you and I have a decent resonance match. How about we partner up?”

“Let’s do it!”

The girls high-fived each other while I watched approvingly.

“Let’s destroy the hIve!

“We’ll save humanity!”

‘...And then we’ll find Chris!”

I groaned.

They were so close… but I guess this is better than nothing.

The girls plotted the formation of a new team, surprisingly accepting the team name “Harem” (my suggestion). As they filed out, chattering excitedly, I prepared to escape this mentally exhausting group.

“Alaira, wait.” Princess Ilene stopped me before I could walk out the door.

“What is it?” I kept a neutral expression. I hadn’t been joking when I said I didn’t like her.

She hesitated. “Are you really marrying my brother?”

“Yes. Do you have a problem with that?”

“…No… it’s just…” She rubbed her face. “He’s… different. And I feel like you should know. “

Sitting back down, I crossed my legs and prepared to listen.

“Since he met you… William is a different person. He’s kinder… gentler… even goes by a different name. He’s never gone by Liam.”

That caught my attention “What was he like before?”

“Angry. Vicious. Hurt people just to watch them suffer.” Her face was blank, as if remembering things she didn’t want to. “He was so mad at the world for not allowing him to match, he spent all his time plotting to take down talented people who could.”

A villain. Was that who he was before Liam stepped in? Like how Alaira was before I took over? Or Chris before… whoever it was… took his body?

“I’m not pretending that I’m perfect, either. You’re right, I treated my brother like garbage, instead of trying to help him. I thought he was a monster. Honestly, I thought his hanging around you was some new scheme…. I was kind of hoping he would take you out so your couldn’t bother Chris…”

“So nice of you.” My tone was sarcastic

“At least I’m honest. Anyways, this doesn’t appear to be some trick… I think he’s changed… he actually seems to care about you. But I thought you should know who he was before he met you.”

“Thanks.” My tone was slightly better than before. “Don’t worry, I know exactly who I’m marrying.”

Liam. Not your villain brother.

“Good Luck.” Ilene seemed relieved, as if a burden was off of her shoulders with the confession, and hurried out.

I stood in the room alone silently for a few moments, processing.

There’s too many questions, and no answers in sight.

I left to find Liam. I missed him.

_______________________

I arrived just in time to see Liam and Alaira’s father facing off.

“She is my precious daughter.” The tall middle aged man with close cropped hair and a scowl made scarier by the scar running from his left eye to the corner of his mouth, towered over Liam. His disapproving air was evident.

“Yes.” Liam smiled and nodded, seemingly fearless.

“No man deserves to marry her.”

“Agreed.”

“So who do you think you are?” General Gladus poked Liam’s chest with a finger.

“The luckiest man alive to be able to stand in the same room as Alaira, much less stay by her side all my life.” He held out a plate in front of the angry man. “Cookies?”

“Well, you should know I don’t approve of this fast courtship…” He picked up one of the cookies and bit into it angrily. “You both are so young…” He took another bite. “And I don’t want you to hold her back…”

“I completely agree. I will do my best to support all her goals in life.” Liam handed the general another cookie as he finished the first.

“Good…” He chewed slower. “Is this chocolate? How did you get it so soft but chewy at the same time?”

“I developed the recipe. Would you like more?”

He picked up another one. “Just know this doesn’t mean I fully approve of you.”

“Of course not… Would you like some cake…”

“….”

“I also have homemade hot chocolate.”

“… As long as she likes you, I guess.” He finally muttered, his hands full of baked treats and dessert drinks.

Liam overwhelmed him with support spouse abilities. I laughed in the doorway, attracting the attention of both men.

“Anything for me?”

Liam nodded with a bright smile. “I saved you a plate.”

General Gladus cleared his throat as he saw the large platter filled with cookies.

“Don’t worry, Sir, I saved an extra plate for you.”

“… Don’t think you can bribe me.”

I raised an eyebrow. “So I can have your plate, then?”

“The hardened general clutched the plate of cookies to his chest. “Don’t you dare! The boy made them for me out of respect for his future father-in-law!”

“…” Liam and I smiled at each other.

“How is the front line… Dad?” The title felt a little rough as I spoke it. I was still acutely aware that he was Alaira’s father, not mine.

“Stable, for now.” He frowned. “Fortunately we have an elaborate defense system, to give plenty of warning. But they’ve been retreating more and more lately. The higher ups seem to think that they might be admitting defeat, but I just don’t think so. I think they’re preparing for something… big.”

He’s right.

I knew the ending of the original story. Around the time Alaira was supposed to graduate, they had attacked in the largest numbers ever seen, necessitating all senior students being recruited to help fight. Even Alaira, who was without a Connector and would have normally been left behind was brought in. They couldn’t afford to leave any powerful guardian out.

I still have a little more time, though. I can train with Liam, maybe get Wen to help upgrade our Mechs, train up some of the students… We can have a chance to really face off against the attack.

There’s still time…

“Don’t let down your guard. You’re the best general we’ve got.” I patted Alaira’s father on the shoulder.

He crushed me in a big hug. “Don’t worry, your dad will protect the galaxy! You just get married in peace.” He leaned in and whispered. “See if he can make a few more of those chocolate cookies, okay?”

“I will, Dad.” It came much more naturally this time.

I’ll protect you too. I added silently.

_______________________

As the wedding drew closer, we were notified that the king and queen were on their way. Liam ignored the news, continuing to work on seating charts and music for the ceremony.

“We have to welcome them when they arrive. They are due any minute.” I finally spoke up, slightly exasperated with his head-in-the-sand act.

“…If we have to.” His voice was cold, his dark blue eyes flickering between fear and annoyance.

I held his hand. “Don’t worry. No matter who they think you are, or what they say about you, just know that you’re my future husband. Don’t worry about anything else.”

He reached out, pulling me tightly against him. “ Thank you.”

“Just play along with them. I held his face between my hands. “You’re Liam. Not Prince William. Not their son. Not Ilene’s brother. Liam.”

WARNING. DIRECTLY CONTRADICTING STORYLINES IS FORBIDDEN.

Liam tilted his head and studied me with a worried expression. “… Are you okay?”

“Just follow my lead. Please.” I looked away from the bright blue words in annoyance and moved.

We went to meet the Royal Family, each of us nervous for different reasons.

The King and Queen looked slightly like Liam and Ilene. The king had curly dark hair, severe features, made worse by the frown as he studied Liam. The Queen had the dark blue eyes that both siblings had, and a beautiful, delicate face… but the overall sense was ruined by the terrified light in her eyes as she almost hid behind her husband.

“So this is the girl you tricked into marrying you?” The king looked at me with morbid curiosity.

Liam took a deep breath. “This is Alaira, Grade S Guardian, my resonance partner and my future wife…”

“What game are you playing, William?” His father snapped, interrupting him. “If this is some ploy to ruin General Gladus, you should stop now.”

“This isn’t…”

“You should stop this now.” The Queen squeaked out nervously at me from behind the King. “He might be my son, but you can’t trust him…”

“…”

“This wedding is a farce.” The king snapped finally. “He’s a monster.”

_______________________

“Why did you follow me?” the mournful voice called out as I entered the dark room.

“Do you want me to leave?” I looked up at the large dark blue eyes curiously, barely able to make out the large form in the darkness.

“I didn’t want you to see… didn’t want you to know…”

“Know what?”

“That I’m a monster.” The whisper was filled with so much pain it made me cry.

_______________________

BAM!

Before I fully came out of the memory, I had punched the King.

“…”

There was a moment of stunned silence from everyone present.

“You dare…!” The King finally spoke up, rubbing his red cheek with a furious expression. “I can have you executed!”

“Just try, Barry.” General Gladus walked in, his hand holding a drawn weapon. “I’ll shoot you in your precious Royal Ass, and then what are you going to lounge on while I fight your wars for you?”

"..."

"..."

"..."

The room processed his words in silence for a moment, before the king burst out angrily.

“Gladus, are you threatening me?!!”

“Oh shut up Barry. " He waved dismissively with his gun. "It wouldn’t even be the first time I’ve shot you. Probably won't be the last." You won’t arrest me, you need me to protect your country.”

“You are willing to let your precious daughter marry this… this… “ The king trailed off, glaring at Liam, who stared calmly back.

“Yes.” General Gladus shrugged “I heard the rumors. Even with the 100% match I wasn’t about to let him hurt my daughter.”

“Then why…?”

“I’ve sat down with your son, Barry. I shook his hand, looked him in the eye. I asked him the hard questions. I’ve observed him around Alaira.” The General stepped forward, placing a heavy hand on his shoulder. “I know a good man when I see one. And I see one. One who loves my daughter. Maybe you should try looking closer.”

“But he…”

“Plus he makes delicious cookies.” He muttered.

“…He what?”

I stepped forward, blocking Liam behind me. “He’s not a monster. He’s my future husband. I honestly do not care about your opinion. But if you want to try to hurt him, just know… you won’t have to wait for my father to shoot you. I’ll do it first.”

“… Control your child, Gladus.”

“She even threatens you just like me!” He reached out and placed an arm around my shoulders. “So proud.”

“…Fine. “ The King frowned “I won’t try to save you from yourself. Marry him, if you want.”

“I plan to.”

“Whatever you’re plotting, William, you better stop now.” He glared. “You might have fooled them, but you won’t fool me.”

“I don’t have to fool you.” Liam’s eyes were dark. “You mean nothing to me.”

“I’m your father.”

“I have no family. I… I can never have family.” Liam turned away.

“William…” The Queen called out softly.

“I AM NOT William.”

WARNING. World Destabilization detected!

“Come on, Liam. Let’s go.” I grabbed his hand and walked away, calling over my shoulder as we left. “You’re free to attend the wedding, but stay away from us otherwise.”

“You’ll regret this!”

I laughed at his bitter words. “Enjoy the disappointment.”

Liam and I left.

_______________________

We sat in my room, and as soon as my hand left his, he curled up, holding his arms over his head.

“I don’t feel right.”

“Liam.” I reached out and touched his back, feeling him trembling beneath me.

“Who am I? I don’t think I’m William. The things they said… the things William has done… He’s not me.”

Warning!

"He's not me... he can't be... He's not..."

WARNING! World destabilization... Bright blue words and a mechanical voice appeared again.

“SHUT UP!” I yelled, drowning out the voice. I pulled his arms down, looking straight into his dark blue eyes. “You are Liam. And you’re my partner. And tomorrow you’ll be my husband. Nothing else matters..”

“But…”

“I can’t explain things right now. I don’t even know everything right now. But I know there’s a reason we’re here together. I’ve found you, and I won’t leave you.”

He held me close, both of us kneeling on the floor. He was clutching me as if I was the only thing anchoring him. I felt lost myself. I was frustrated at my lack of answers, angry at the pain Liam was experiencing, afraid for the future ahead of us.

“Alaira… no… Bel?” He whispered. “... I love you.”

I smiled at the unfamiliar but familiar name, pressing my face against his shoulder. “I love you too, Liam.”

“Marry me tomorrow.”

“Definitely.”

“Don’t leave me behind… please.”

“I won't... No matter what.”

A long silence fell between us. Finally Liam sat back, his face slightly red. “I wish we were getting married tonight. I can’t help but feel something terrible is going to happen to prevent our wedding.”

Foreshadowing.

Ignoring the ominous word that appeared in my subconscious, I smiled reassuringly. “Nothing is going to happen…”

“ALERT! CODE LEVEL RED. PLEASE REPORT TO EMERGENCY STATIONS. ALERT!”

I sighed. “I take that back.”

We headed to the Command Level in the main Academy.

_______________________

“Dad, what’s going on?” I called out as we passed the main doors.

“Alaira…” General Gladus’ face was uncharacteristically serious. “It’s not good.”

I stood beside him, looking up at the large holographic display at the center of the command room, feeling the blood drain from my face. “The Hive.”

“They’re past our defense systems.” He slammed his fist against the table. “This doesn’t make any sense! How did an army this huge get past us without starting any alarms!”

I stared at the countless red dots on the screen, feeling lost.

This isn’t right. In the story I should have had YEARS before the Hive attacked in such large numbers. Even then they were caught immediately in the defense systems and gave the military time to prepare. How could they get past us… unless…

“Chris.”

He said he was going to end everything. Is this what he meant?

Alaira’s father was confused. “That male student who disappeared? How would he have access to defense system information?”

Chris wouldn’t… but whoever was controlling Chris might have more information.

I let it go for now. “What do we do?”

“There’s too many… and they’re headed for a defenseless planet in this system.” He hung his head. “I don’t have the manpower to defend it.”

I stepped forward, giving him a grim smile. “You’re not alone, Dad. I’ll help.”

“We! We’ll help.” Liam stood beside me. “We’re a powerful combo. You can’t afford to turn us down.”

General Gladus sighed. “Even if I recruit top senior students from the academy… the numbers we have… it’s a suicide mission.”

Warning! Mission Failure Imminent!

Your mission: Prevent destruction of the human race by the alien monster race known as The Hive.

The Hive are now attacking in large numbers. Your estimated chance of success against them in battle is 0%.

“If you’re not gonna say anything helpful, then shut up.” I growled quietly.

Liam turned towards me. “Are you okay?”

If you fail your mission, you will face soul destruction.

“It’s not like I’m swimming in options.”

You have one option.

“Who are you talking to?”

“What is it?” I whispered, holding Liam’s hand and squeezing it. I have to save him.

...

ACCEPT YOUR FATE.

...

I stared at the blue words silently for a few minutes. “Liam, what if I said we have an 100% chance of dying if we went on this mission…”

“You don’t know that…”

“...and I had a fool proof way to protect you… But we would be separated forever?”

I didn’t know what my fate was. But I did know in the deepest part of my soul one thing:

Liam was not my fate.

“I don’t plan to survive this, Liam… but if I could save you…”

“I would rather die by your side.” He didn’t hesitate.

“But…”

He grabbed my other hand, holding them both tightly. “We’ll face this together.”

_______________________

“It’s hopeless.” I whispered, holding him tightly. “What if fate is stronger than us?”

“I don’t need hope, Bel.” He leaned closer, his breath warm against my neck. “If fate is going to separate us, then we’ll destroy it.”

“Together.”

“Always.”

_______________________

I looked at the hologram, at the countless numbers of enemies that awaited us, and leaned against him with a sigh.

“Together.”

He smiled in return.

“Always.”

[mostly-marvel-musings]

What changed?

Pairing: Tom Hiddleston x Reader

Warning: Slight angst, fluff!

Word count: 978

Tom Hiddleston, Loki Masterlist

Tom Hiddleston/Loki Taglist: @delightfulheartdream @what-a-flammable-heart

Everything Taglist: @godofplumsandthunder @ladyacrasia @agustdowney @swaggysposts @little-baby-vixen @another-stark-sub @supraveng @kahlanmars @marvelgirl7 @disappointmentofthefam @pandaxnienke @just-the-hiddles @tom-hlover @asmigurub @avantgardium-leviosa @imerdwarf

Tags are open! Send me an ask or DM if you wish to be in any of these lists.

.

The rising sun cast a rosy hue across the morning sky visible from the window you faced. Sleep ridden eyes focused on the distant horizon and yet so distracted, thoughts running a mile a minute, a mild headache showing early signs.

Occasional breeze littered your skin with goose bumps, making you wrap the sheets around your naked form a little tighter, your obsessive train of thoughts never wavering once.

As you snuggled deeper into the sheets, the dull ache between your legs made itself known, a pleasant yet abominable reminder of last night’s activities. The faint even breaths coming from your left radiating warmth, almost too tempting to not move over and let that warmth embrace you in those strong arms you’d grown to love so much, let his familiar scent overwhelm your senses, let that velvety smooth voice persuade you into letting your guard down once again like it had last night, along with all those nights you’d caved.

Why were you back here?

Right where you promised yourself you wouldn’t end up no matter what went down. Why did you convince yourself this time it might just lead to something real rather than a night of such passion, it had almost made your fears and worries disappear. Just like it always had all those other times you’d found yourself in his bed.

There wasn’t a name to what you and Tom had. Actually that wasn’t true, it was friends-who-occasionally-end-up-fucking-but-never-talk-about-how-they-really-feel-about-each-other. A trope you both dissed on whenever it was televised or shown in a film, and yet somehow miraculously you’d ended up in that trope.

Your thoughts abruptly halted when Tom’s arm slid around your waist, pulling you back against his chest, his soft breath playing against your neck. He was so warm and inviting your natural response kicked in, making your eyes flutter close as your body moulded against his, a content sigh almost slipping past your lips before you stopped yourself from giving in.

Peeling his arm off of your torso, you moved away effectively stirring him awake, your erratic heart pounding.

“Good morning love.” Tom’s voice laced with sleep, making him sound even sexier.

“Oh h-hey.”

Uncertainty so clear in your reply, you cursed yourself internally for not being cool and composed like you’d practised. Just like you feared, he shifted closer, placing a concerned hand against your bare shoulder, waiting for you to face him.

“Everything alright?” his thumb swiping soft patterns against your skin.

“Of course, just headache you know.” You mumbled, sitting up too fast not helping the headache, letting the sheet fall.

“Maybe rest a little longer? I can make breakfast.” Tom suggested, eyebrows knit together in confusion as to why you wouldn’t meet his eyes. You usually weren’t like this.

When you didn’t answer, he got up and around over to your side kneeling in front, palms on your knees, brilliant blue eyes searching yours. He left you alone only after you promised to lie back in bed while he prepared something to eat, he’d said you had to share what bothered you over some food. You on the other hand weren’t so sure how that’d go.

You went over the impending scenario in your head five times by the time Tom returned, balancing two cups of steaming hot tea and some delicious smelling bacon and eggs. He noticed you had put on clothes, though not the ones he’d secretly hoped you would.

“You’re not wearing my clothes.” He blurted before he could stop himself, glancing at his haphazardly disposed T-shirt by your pillow from last night.

“No, that’s what couples do. And we’re not a couple, remember?”

Your answer seemed to be directed more towards yourself rather than Tom, it was what you repeated like a mantra over and over again. The reality of the situation hit the two of you, leaving the quiet apartment even more silent. Your gaze was fixed downwards, picking off invisible lint from your clothes, waiting, praying for Tom to say something that wouldn’t result in tears.

“What if we were?”

“What?”

“What if we were a couple?”

Finally facing him for the first time since last night, you searched for signs of humor. Finding none, your brain struggled to form words in response to what the man you were so hopelessly in love with just asked of you.

“I...w-what are you saying?”

Tom placed the tray on a small table beside his bed before sitting next to you, keeping safe distance in case you felt differently, but grabbed your hands in his, in reassurance in case you were too overwhelmed.

“I’ve been wanting to say this for the longest time (Y/N). I am hopelessly, irrevocably and utterly head over heels in love with you. Our relationship over the years was never physical, not for me. And you know me better than anyone, I—I just figured you’d know without me having to tell you and for that I am terribly sorry. I’ve been the biggest idiot on the planet and I hope you forgive me. I cannot imagine my life without y—”

Your lips crashed against his abruptly halting his speech. As much as you would’ve loved to hear the rest of it, communicating your own feelings through the kiss was your top priority. Tom felt the tears streaming down your cheeks as he returned your kiss with equal fervour, pulling you into his lap to deepen the kiss.

“What changed?” You asked, panting after he’d reluctantly released you to speak, foreheads touching while you both got your breathing under control.

“I guess I got tired of your friendship.”

A gasp and a pillow hitting his face was what Tom felt before you had him pinned underneath you.

[courtlyharlequin]

Breathing Room

Warnings: fluff, no plot just brainrot,  lowkey horn knee, feral and angry Taku coming from nine o’clock because I squeezed too much of her favorite tropes into this

Summary: Humans are strange. Their hobbies and customs are bewildering, but nothing Jade couldn’t handle as he was quick to adapt. Sometimes, he might even partake in said activities. Case in point with hiking. And you, knowing Jade for a decent amount of time as his significant other, came to terms with the fact that he would decline a request to participate in something that didn’t pique his interest. So when you proposed that he play the pocky game with you, you were certain that he would decline. But he didn’t.

A/N: Happy birthday to the Jade simp, @takuyakistall​~! I’m so sorry that this was posted late but you’re already wary of that and thank you for supporting me through such a tough time. Ahhh life just doesn’t want me to simp for my hair wife! I tell you this a lot but I’ll say it again: I’m quite attached to you since you were my first tumblr friend. I didn’t have any in real life or online friends who like twst before meeting you so you mean a lot to me as my first. You always make me laugh whether it be bullying you or rotting over our mains together. Even when we get serious, I still love talking to you. You’re that amazing.  I hope you have an amazing day, one just as amazing as you are. Eat lots of cake and pocky. I love you ♡

“Jade,” you said, tugging at his sleeves.

He sighed through his strained smile as he set down a glass he was polishing. He tucked his hair behind his ear and dusted off his slacks as if he was brushing away invisible crumbs off the garment. It was an ungodly hour. He was working overtime for Mostro Lounge. Today was unusually busy. As vice prefect, Jade took it upon himself to bite off more than he could chew. And he could chew a lot actually. He was a moray eel with two sets of jaws and an immense appetite. In his human form, he only had one set of jaws yet the appetite remained.

The lounge was deserted. Students shuffled to the mirror chambers and headed to their respective dorms to retire for the night. Jade, on the other hand, was sitting on a barstool with an array of glasses and creased brows. You sat by his side, doing your assignments and engaging him in idle chatter here and there. He had promised to help you with your alchemy homework, but alas his duties called for him. In a way. You didn’t mind per se since he helped you understand the material within minutes during his short-lived breaks.

They were about three minutes long and Jade only took two breaks ever since his shift started. You weren’t an expert at reading people like he was, but even you could tell he could use some rest or a pick-me-up at least. Perhaps the latter. Jade was stubborn. He wasn’t going to head to his bedroom until he was done.

“Yes, (y/n)?”

You reached into your book bag and pulled out a small box of biscuits– pocky to be exact. You held it in front of his gaze. He cocked his head.

“Let’s play the pocky game.”

“Maybe later. We can play after I finish. Or tomorrow. It’s late so you should return to your living quarters and get some rest,” Jade said as he turned his attention to his task.

“Please? Think of it as a break. Your last one was about three hours ago.”

“Well, if you put it like that then I shall indulge you, my dear.”

Heat rose to your cheeks as he spun the barstool to make direct eye contact with you. You avoided his gaze as you opened the box, selecting a random stick of pocky and holding it in front of him. He took it and examined it with a perplexed expression.

“What is this?”

“Pocky.”

“Which is?”

“It’s like a cookie biscuit thing with a chocolate covering,” you said, getting yourself your own stick.

“I see. So this ‘pocky’ edible.”

“Yes,” you nodded, biting the pocky.

He mirrored your actions. You watched him chew it thoroughly. His eyes wandered around the ceiling of the lounge. You held your breath as he closed his eyes and exhaled.

“It’s delectable.”

Your shoulders relaxed and he chuckled under his breath. It would have been disappointing if Jade didn’t like pocky. That would mean you couldn’t persuade him to play the pocky game. You looked into his eyes lovingly while he nibbled on the remainder of the stick.

“And what is ‘the pocky game’?” Jade mused.

You took out another biscuit. His brows arched as you waited for him to swallow the last bit of his current pocky stick.

“The objective of the game is to be the last to hold onto the stick as we each take a bite and move closer to the center. Whoever is the last to pull away wins. You take one end and I’ll take the other. I’ll let you have the chocolate end because it’s your first time playing.”

“My, my how kind of you. I almost thought you were the headmaster. All you needed was to comment on your kindness.”

“Ha ha,” you deadpanned.

He brought his hand to chin. He feigned curiosity.

“Though… if you wanted to kiss me you could have just said, (y/n),” Jade gave you a toothy grin, ones he shot at the poor unfortunate freshmen souls that tried to escape the conditions of Octavinelle’s yearly exam contracts before chasing them down the hallways with his brother.

“I-I.. It would be more fun?”

“I jest, my pearl. There’s no shame in wanting to engage in intimacy. I shall indulge you. Though, I have a feeling that I will win every round– seeing as you get flustered even when I embrace you without warning fufu~”

There was not a shred of innocence in his voice. Jade knew where this was going. He was going to do everything in his power to win. He was good at that sort of thing, small ministrations that drove you wild.

When he found out that you were sensitive to neck kisses, chaste or not, he greeted you every morning outside of your first period threshold with a peck on the side of your neck. The first time he did that, you were reduced to a puddle of empty thoughts, a spasm of spiraling emotions and heated cheeks. The following incidents featured your hand instinctively shooting to the spot he kissed, cheeks still hot and bothered. When you had adapted to his rhythm, he kissed your neck in the halls, during lunch, and when he walked you back to your dorm. They were spontaneous and sporadic. They ceased when winter began and you wore a scarf around your neck all day, every day. Of course, that was months ago. The routine faded as your relationship developed. Jade had his share of teasing and came to understand that setting your nerves on fire on a daily basis despite your protests wasn’t exactly healthy. He also came to understand how people might get the wrong idea from neck kisses. He teased you for hours on end for being so lewd, but digressed when you were on the verge of tears due to embarrassment. That didn’t stop his other methods of teasing, but at least you were free from public surprise neck kisses.

Jade loved to tease. He was good at it too. He knew you and your ticks like the back of his hand. You were certainly going to lose this game, but it was better not to let your true feelings show and give him the upper hand.

You inserted the biscuit between Jade’s lips and took a deep breath before taking your end. It was more so a hybrid of a deep breath and a yawn. It was late after all.

Jade’s eyes widened and the stick broke in half. Your eyes widened as well.

“You’re supposed to hold onto the stick for a long as you can, silly.”

He closed his eyes: “Yes, my bad. Shall we try again?”

“One to zero,” you said as you slipped a biscuit into his lips.

“Did that count?”

“Of course it does.”

He pouted as you inhaled and exhaled deeply before taking your end of the pocky. It snapped immediately.

“Jade,” you whined, drawing out the last syllable of his name.

“Apologies, my dear. It seems to be instinctive for me to bite the stick.”

“You can bite. It’s just that the pocky keeps breaking in half whenever you bite it. Maybe try to be more gentle?”

“Two to zero.”

“You’re so cruel, (y/n).”

You giggled as you handed him the stick. He pursed his lips and held the stick out for you to take a bite from your end. You closed our eyes and opened your mouth to take a deep breath once more and the stick snapped before you knew it.

You looked up at Jade to see the pocky awkwardly sticking out of his hand which was covering his face. Mostro Lounge’s dim lights made it difficult to make out many details, but you were positive that Jade Leech was profusely blushing.

“Jade?”

“C-Could you not do that*?”

“Do what?”

What could have possibly reduced him to such an adorable state? He’s usually so composed. He was never this flustered. Out of all the times you tried to get him to break, he was resilient. And here you were, not having any idea as to what you did to make him blush.

“O-Open your mouth.”

“Pardon?”

A yawn escaped from your lips. Jade spun the bar stool around and stared at the glasses with sudden interest.

“Could you not do that?”

“Yawn?”

He nodded.

“Why?”

He mumbled something under his breath.  

“Jade?”

“(y/n), you should have just asked for a kiss.”

The eel stood up curtly from his seat. He towered over you and his eyes glowed in the dark lighting. He pulled out a pocky stick from the box in your petite hands and slipped it in between your lips. There was a small pause before he came crashing down. If he hadn’t been holding your shoulders so firmly, you might’ve fell over from the force that he exerted. He came barreling towards your lips. You weren’t sure if he had even bit the pocky. You felt it snap, but when you parted your mouth to allow his tongue to entangle with yours, you could not find a single trace of the biscuit. The flavor lingered in his mouth, but the pocky itself was nonexistent. Did he swallow it whole?

He did not leave your mind to wander too far from him. He kissed you hungrily and nipped at your lips. His sharp teeth grazed your flesh and you mewled into the kiss. You could hear him growl faintly as he held onto your waist. You wrapped your arms around his neck to deepen the kiss. He tiled your head for a better angle. You pushed him away. You needed to catch your breath.  A string of saliva fell from your lips.

“Jade,” you gasped as he nuzzled his head in the crook of your neck.

“It would be in your best interest if you don’t do that again, especially during mating season. I don’t think I’ll be able to control myself next time. I might break you in half, dearest.”

Your cheeks flushed as you nodded absentmindedly. Mating season?

He bit your neck.You yelped and wriggled out of his embrace.

“Jade!” you hissed, clutching your neck.

“Consider that a small price to pay,” he chuckled.

You huffed.

“I win this time,” he said.

“Yeah, yeah…”

He packed the glasses onto a shelf.

“You’re free to go now. I’ve finished here so you don’t have to keep me company anymore. Would you like me to escort you?”

“No, it’s fine,” you said, trying to stifle a yawn.

“Goodnight, (y/n).”

“Goodnight, Jade. See you tomorrow.”

Though you had agreed not to yawn, it escaped your lips. Luckily, your back was facing Jade as you exited the lounge so he didn’t see you yawn, but rather heard you yawn. You heard a distant bang on the counter as well as a faint “dammit” from a voice you knew all too well.

It took every fiber in your body to restrain yourself from turning around. You knew all too well that if you turned around, he would’ve rushed towards you and snapped you in half just like a pocky stick. It was best to give him a little breathing room even if you were hot and bothered yourself.

*Note: To initiate the mating process, moray eels open their mouths very wide at each other to signal the start of it. This trait carries over to when (y/n) yawns as Jade took it as a sign for his eel-y instincts.

[officialaemondtargaryen]

Five Kisses pt. 2

Summary: Your relationship with Bucky is defined by five different kisses 

Characters: Bucky Barnes x reader

Word Count: 1,877

Author’s Note: I hope that you are all enjoying this little series. This part will include one kissing trope: the “accidentally-witnessed-kiss”. In part one, we covered two tropes; “kiss-in-a-dream” and the “first kiss”. I think this is going to be four parts long, so I hope you all will stick with me through it. Please keep in mind this is the first thing that I have written in four years, so please be nice to me <3

You can find part one here!

The next few weeks seemed to fly by. 

You had been working so much that you hadn’t really had much time to think about that night. Your boss had even commented on your work performance, and your recent knack for finding things to keep yourself busy with. You were afraid that if you allowed your mind to wander, you’d literally unravel. And you couldn’t let that happen, because you were doing a pretty amazing job at pretending like nothing had ever happened. 

Bucky had come over to the apartment a few times since. The first time, you panicked and acted as if he was invisible. The second time, you lied about having food poisoning and spent the entire night in your room watching Schitt’s Creek while everyone played Mario Kart in the living room. 

So, everything was back to normal. 

And no one suspected a thing.

Or so you thought. 

“Hey, do you mind if Steve and Buck come over tonight?” Natasha asked, standing in the threshold of your room. 

“Why would I mind if they come over?” You asked, looking up from your laptop. 

Natasha shrugged. “I feel like you’ve been a little more avoidy than usual, lately.” She said. “Wasn’t sure if something happened that night that Steve and I didn’t make it out to Josie’s.”

“No,” you said and shook your head. “Nothing happened. I’ve just been really busy. I’ve had a huge workload lately, and you know I’m not the best at dealing with my stress.”

It wasn’t a lie.

“Well we’re watching that new Tom Hanks movie later if you want to join.” She offered. “I think Steve said something about ordering pizza.”

“Tom Hanks and pizza?” You asked and Nat nodded. “How could I resist?”

You figured it best to at least try to not be ‘avoidy’ as Natasha called it earlier. After all, how long could you really get away with it? Bucky was constantly around and you couldn’t have food poisoning every few days. You knew that sooner or later you would have to face him, be around him, talk to him- but you were scared. What if he had realized that it was a mistake? What if it was just the alcohol? 

What if he didn’t feel the same way? 

Part of the reason why you had buried yourself into your work and hobbies was so that you didn’t have to think about things like this. Because the thought of him kissing you the way that he did, and then realizing that it might have been a mistake, nearly broke your heart. 

A few hours later, you were sitting on the couch when you heard the sound of boots in the hallway. The front door opened to reveal Steve with a couple of pizza boxes and Bucky was behind him with a few bags of other snacks and a case of beer. His eyes found you almost instantaneously and you quickly averted your gaze back to the TV. 

“Hey, Y/N!” Steve was smiling from ear to ear. “Long time, no see.” 

You rolled your eyes and stood up, helping him with the pizza boxes. “I hope you made sure to get the garlic sauce.”

Steve sighed, “I forgot.” You gave him a scowl. “I wasn’t sure if you’d be joining us. I mean, you spend one night alone with Buck and suddenly you fall off the face of the planet! Was the night that bad?” 

You were starting to get the impression that everyone already knew you and Bucky had kissed, and they were now just trying to get you to admit it. First Natasha’s comment about ‘something happening’ and now Steve. You bit on your lip and glanced over at Bucky. His eyes were downcast, pretending to be interested in setting up the table, but you knew he was avoiding your gaze. 

Steve stood in between the two of you, looking back and forth at each of you until he bursted out in a loud laugh. “I’m kidding! Relax!”

He continued to chuckle to himself as he headed down the hallway towards Nat’s room, leaving you and Bucky in the kitchen, alone, the first time you had been alone with him since that kiss. But, as if it were now second nature to you, you pretended as if he wasn’t even there and turned on your heel towards the cupboards to grab some plates. 

Bucky didn’t move however, he just stood idly at the end of the table; fingers fumbling with the napkins that came with the pizza. You turned back around, plates in hand and sat them down on the table. Your heart was pounding so loud, you were sure that he would be able to hear. 

“You’ve been avoiding me,” he said quietly. You opened your mouth to object, but he shook his head. “Don’t try and deny it.” He said, his lips curling at the ends into a small smile. “Natasha told Steve that you didn’t really have food poisoning.”

Thanks Nat.

“You’re right,” you admitted. “I have been avoiding you.” 

“Why?” He asked, completely oblivious- you were half hoping that he would figure it out on his own.

Now you were really caught between and rock and a hard place. You could confess to him all of your feelings and your fears, but the thought of doing so terrified you. All the while, his eyes were piercing a hole straight though to your soul, it seemed, as he waited for an answer. 

“I don’t think that now is the best time to talk about it,” you told him with a gesture towards Nat’s room. “They’re already suspicious.”

Bucky nodded his head, “so you’re like worried they’ll find out, or somethin’?”

Immediately, you rolled your eyes. “No. Yes. I- I don’t know, okay? Look, can we talk about this later?” You asked him. “GUYS, THE PIZZA IS GETTING COLD AND I’M STARVING!” You yelled to Steve and Natasha who were probably eavesdropping on your conversation right now.

You could hear them start heading down the hallway towards the kitchen. 

“So, who’s ready to eat?” Steve asked rubbing his hands together. 

Natasha and Steve took up most of the couch during the movie, leaving you and Bucky to share the loveseat. Knowing that it was too small for the both of you to sit on it comfortably, Bucky ended up sitting on the floor with his back to you. Finding it incredibly hard to focus on the movie, you spent most of the two or so hours staring at his perfectly tousled, chestnut hair.  

Your phone buzzed and you quickly glanced at the screen to see a text from Natasha. “You’re staring,” the text read and you looked up at her to see her looking right at you with eyebrows raised. You texted her back quickly, advising her that she should be paying attention to the movie and you saw her roll her eyes upon receipt. 

When the movie ended, you noticed she and Steve whispering among themselves and not too long after that Steve stood up from the couch. “We’re going to run down to the store and grab some ice cream.” It was completely random and you definitely knew now that they were both up to something. “Does anyone want anything?”

You and Bucky shook your heads in sync. 

They left shortly after and the apartment was suddenly filled with an uncomfortable silence. It was now or never for you and Bucky, and you knew that- and you weren’t sure how long Steve and Natasha were going to be gone for. He stood up from his place on the floor and moved to sit on the couch, directly across from you. 

“Well this is incredibly awkward,” you said and he let out a laugh. A loud sigh escaped your lips as you tossed your head back on the cushion. “It’s not funny, Buck.”

“You’re right,” he replied trying to keep himself from smiling. “It’s cute.”

You sighed again. “Look, a few months ago, I didn’t like you at all. I’ll admit, I didn’t have a very good reason for it, but that’s besides the point. But then- I don’t know, something changed. And I wasn’t necessarily sure how to deal with it so I just kind of-”

“Avoided the situation.” Bucky confirmed and you nodded. 

“But then we had a great night out and we kissed,” you continued. “And because my feelings had already begun to change before that, I guess I was just afraid that maybe you wouldn’t feel the same, and the reason you kissed me was because you were drunk.”

Finally. You hadn’t said any of this aloud to anyone and now that you had, it felt like a giant weight being lifted off of your chest. 

“You thought the only reason I kissed you was because I was drunk?” He laughed again. “I guess we’re both pretty bad at conveying our emotions, then, because I have been wanting to do that ever since I first met you. And, since we are getting everything out in the open, I have a small confession to make.”

“What’s that?” You asked. 

Bucky stood up from the couch and crossed over to sit next to you on the loveseat. He turned his entire body towards you and took your hands in his. “Don’t be mad okay?” He said, suppressing a small smile. “But I kind of asked Steve and Nat not to come to Josie’s that night.”

You pulled your hands from his and stood up from the loveseat. Bucky stood up, as well. “I knew it!” You exclaimed, jutting a finger into his chest. “Well, I suspected something. It was their idea to go out!” 

Bucky grabbed your hand and intertwined your fingers, pulling your arm behind him to wrap around his waist. “We were having such a good time,” he said. “You weren’t actively hating me.”

You smiled and shook your head and wrapped your other arm around his middle; leaning your head against his chest. “You made the right call.”

Bucky looked down at you kissed the top of your head. You moved to look up at him and he placed a finger underneath your chin, holding you in place as he closed the gap between you. It was even better than the first time, if that could be possible. He pulled you tight to him, as if you weren’t already close enough, and allowed his hands to explore your backside. You giggled as he cupped your ass, which prompted him to only deepen the kiss. 

As soon as you remembered that Steve and Natasha could walk through that door at any moment, the front door flew open. You jumped back to see your friends standing in the doorway with wide eyes, mouths open with surprise. Bucky sheepishly rubbed the back of his neck with his hand and you could see a blush creeping up to his cheeks. 

“You owe me twenty bucks,” Steve said to his girlfriend. 

You rolled your eyes and then noticed something off as neither one of your friends were carrying any bags from the store that they had said they were going to. “Wait a second, did you guys even leave to get ice cream?”

[egyptsblackrose]

Dancing with Strangers

This is by far the longest chapter, hopefully I’ve tied all the loose ends and come to a decent conclusion. Stay tuned fro more fics.

Part 1 - https://egyptsblackrose.tumblr.com/post/648370506842701824/a-rose-by-any-other-name

Part 5 -https://egyptsblackrose.tumblr.com/post/654891313044635648/dancing-with-strangers-there-will-be-one-more-part

Part 6- The end, enjoy!

It had been eight months since your first meeting with Gojo Satoru and Kakashi Hatake. This had been the longest relationship either men had ever had, both as a three or on their own. It was also painfully clear how absolutely in love both men were with you, and you with them. The change in the three of you was as clear as day, never had anyone seen each of you so happy - is what you constantly heard from everyone you knew, and when you ran into a friend or relative of theirs… with a few exceptions.

The truth had come out about a month in that Gojo was the one with all the money. A ‘representative of his household’ had come to the apartment to visit and go over ‘matters concerning the family’. Satoru had been so laid back through the whole thing, smirking mockingly at the clearly uncomfortable (stuck up) old butler. He’d grabbed your waist as you were walking towards the door to leave, pulling you down and into his lap. It became clear that he wanted to mess with the man opposite him, even Kakashi seemed in on it because he kissed you sweetly as he walked passed.

Gojo wasn’t able to hide his bitterness when the man finally left though, burying his head into your neck and hugging you tightly. His father had been a politician and his mother a CEO of a successful company, he still had connections because of them and shares that were doing incredibly well. Not to mention their life insurance had been enough to set anyone for life.

“It’s not like I was close to them to begin with.” He’d muttered in a bored manner when you’d teared up at the mention of a Satoru toddler being left alone, surrounded by people who wanted to use him for money, power and influence. The butler was a man hired by his fathers old political party and the other share holders at his mothers company. They apparently weren’t best pleased with him settling for being a small time policeman, had hoped to mould him into their puppet to keep both their money making schemes going.

To cheer the three of you up, Gojo had taken the three of you on a spontaneous trip to an Onsen that one of his friends owns, up in the middle of no where. The beautiful, traditional building with modern interior was nestled on the side of a frigging mountain that could only be reached through a thick, ancient forest.

You were the only three guests, and the workers were even excused for the evening, so it felt like you were the only three in the world with the next person been miles away. Which you were insanely grateful for. Because Kakashi and Gojo had made it a completion between them on who could make you scream the loudest.

Three months later, Kakashi had appeared out of no where behind you while you were cooking dinner, wrapping his arms round you gently and kissing your neck soothingly. “Would you join me for a day out tomorrow?”

“Of course I will,” You giggled, shivering as his lips ghosted over the marks on your neck and shoulders, drawing invisible lines like he was drawing constellations. “Where are we going?”

Hatake was silent for a moment before he squeezed you tighter. “I’m going to introduce you to my father.”

To say you were nervous was an understatement, you had agonised over the right outfit for hours the night before, asking both Miku and Sakura for their help. You should have known better, they had spent the majority of the time gushing over your boyfriends and how serious it was getting between you. After all, no one had ever heard of the two most wanted bachelors introducing their conquests to their family and friends, or even going on trips with their lovers, let alone keeping their interest this long.

Finally settling on one of your favourite outfits; something simple, comfortable and trendy, you kept your make-up light and as natural as possible and called yourself ready. Meeting at their apartment, you were surprised to see Kakashi in his policeman formal uniform. God the man looked dashing. Wearing white gloves, black dress shoes, a smart navy suit, light blue tie, hat tucked under his arm and a smirk on his handsome face.

“Enjoying the view baby?” He teased.

You nodded dumbly, bitting your lip to try hide your smirk. “Just when I thought you couldn’t get any more handsome, you have to go devastate my heart like that.”

“Maybe me and Sato should wear these tonight then.” The suggestion had your thighs clenching, suddenly it was hard to swallow. Hatake chuckled lazily having seen your reaction. “Later baby girl, for now, we have somewhere to go.”

The cemetery was the LAST place you were expecting this day to take you. Kakashi stopped at his fathers tome stone and saluted. It was at least two decades since his fathers death. Kakashi Sakumo, Hatake’s father, had been a respected police detective, and his whole inspirational drive to become a policeman. When Hatake was young, his father had led a team in a drug bust against some of the biggest names in the Yakuza, but had chosen to save his men’s lives rather than capture the villains when things had gone wrong.

The ‘failure’ was a black mark against his name, and soon his was shunned by the media, his fellow detectives and the whole police force. The abuse became so bad, that he took his own life. From then on, Hatake had lived and grown up with Gojo who he was already inseparable with.

“For the longest time…I blamed him too.” Kakashi admitted quietly, holding onto your hand like a life line. “He had a duty to take those dangerous men off the streets, to make the city a safer place for the public, for kids who were in danger of either being hooked onto drugs or joining gangs. Instead he chose to save the lives of his team.” You were silent, what could you possibly say to ease his pain? “But now…” Hatake raised his head with a proud smile. “My views have changed. He didn’t want to chase glory, he just wanted to do the right thing and save lives. In that moment, they needed him, he saw that and did his best. He was willing to die for his men, he didn’t want to see all those family’s mourning for lives he could have spared. I can only hope that one day, I will be as brave as him.”

You are not ashamed to say you cried, standing there looking at the grave of the man who had made Hatake into the man he was. Into the man you loved. You bowed deeply and gave your thanks, promising out loud to take care of his son for as long as you were allowed. Kakashi’s own eyes watered at this as he pulled you close. You don’t know how long you stood there holding each other for, but it didn’t feel like long enough. Part of you thought it would never be enough when it came to the two amazing men who looked at you like you were their whole world.

After the visit, Kakashi had taken you to the old, more traditional part of town so you could go to his favourite restaurant. The two of you were the first to arrive and the last to leave, laughing so much to the point where you were both in tears. It was so light and care free, and you could see the weight just lift off of Hatake’s shoulders.

And when you both finally made it back to their apartment, Gojo was sat on the sofa waiting. Smirking. Also in uniform. That night, not one of you slept.

With your hands locked together in cuffs and blindfold around your eyes, you shook like a leaf in the wind as Kakashi took you from behind, Gojo at your front. If it had been anyone else trying to blindfold you and tie you up, you would have absolutely said no. As it was, Kakashi loved seeing you so vulnerable. So much so that he had stretched your arse as he’d enthusiastically eaten you out, and was now taking advantage of his VERY thorough prep work. He held a vibrator to your clit as he fucked your arse, Gojo keeping your mouth open and busy as he kissed you hungrily so they could hear your moans, squeezing and playing with your tits as he took your front just as roughly.

Not only did you squirt first time, your pretty sure you blacked out for a second. Not that the boys were deterred, they knew you’d tell them if it became too much. Besides, the sounds you were making; the moans, the wet squelching from how wet you were, it was the best yet. You couldn’t walk the next day though and had to ask Miku to record your lecture.

By the fifth month, Gojo and Kakashi had broached the idea of you moving in with them. It was a casual comment made in light conversation one Sunday morning, when they FIRST brought it up. Then it was Kakashi suggesting you keep more of your things with them, mostly because you would ask them to take you back to your apartment with the girls so you could get ready for the day, meaning you would leave earlier than they would like. Eventually Gojo decided they were being too subtle and would cling to you in the mornings, begging you to not leave and to stay with them.

“You guys remember that I’m living with two roommates already right? I can’t just up and leave them like that, they won’t be able to afford rent!”

“But beautifu~l! We want you here with us!”

“What our idiot means to say baby-”

“Hey!”

“Is that, you already spend so much time here, and we love having you with us. Our apartment is even closer to your Uni building! It makes sense surely, for you to move in with us. Or for us even to find a place together-”

“Wow, ok slow down there!” You butt in quickly, cheeks turning pink. Finally the boys had had enough of dancing around the subject and had sat you down to talk about it properly. Talking about moving into their lush apartment was one thing, but talking about a place together, was something else entirely!

Gojo pouted at you in annoyance. “What, you don’t want to live with us?”

“I’m not saying that!” You defended instantly, frowning at him. “I’m saying it’s a BIG step, and I get that you guys feel ready for it, but I don’t ok? For one, five months isn’t that much time dating someone, second, I don’t even have a job yet! And don’t tell me money isn’t an issue and I don’t have to pay rent cause God help me Satoru, I will get up and leave right now.” You threatened.

“Ok you two, lets take a deep breath and talk about this calmly ok?” Hatake soothed, squeezing both your hands. “Baby, if you don’t feel ready then that’s fine, we will not force you. But please know that when you ARE ready, we WANT you here. Ok?” Nodding in understanding, you started to relax. Gojo huffed and crossed his arms, but nodded in agreement. “And about you looking for a job and paying rent. We are not trying to baby you or the like, we just want to take care of you. We know you can take care of yourself but that wont stop us from WANTING to take care of you because you are YOURS. Understand? We love and cherish you, and if we can help you, we want to. If it was us in a difficult situation and you could help us, you would, wouldn’t you?”

“Of course, in a heartbeat.” You muttered with a slight pout.

Kakashi beamed. “It’s the same in our eyes.” And that had been the end of that…for the time being that is.

Just short of the six month mark, you had agreed to go out again with the girls for a night out. Kakashi and Gojo had encouraged you to go, promising that when they were done with their shift, they would come pick you up. They had even bought you a gift voucher for your birthday to buy a new outfit. You had been sure to send the boys a flattering pic of yourself all dolled up before you had left for the night, receiving such thirsty replies that no one would guess that you had spent the night before with them.

The night had been going perfectly, once again you were the most sober of the group, which you were now used to. You had a nice buzz going, there had already been so many laughs and the girls were excitedly giggling about the stories you shared on your boyfriends. (Of course the intimate, personal things you kept to yourself.) You had been to a few bars and your group agreed to end the night at the club you had met your boys in, ‘The Ninja Shrine’. Texting the two policemen still on shift, you let them know that you and your friends had arrived safely, were going to order your drinks and you would be eagerly waiting for them for a dance.

Gojo replied with multiple winky, smirky, and red with sweat drop faces. Kakashi was the only one to give you a verbal reply, promising to be there as soon as they could, and ‘ordering’ you to behave until they arrived. It made you smile, biting your lip. ‘No promises’ was your reply with a winky face, locking your phone and ignoring the bings that followed, knowing that would rile them up more than a reply.

Despite the clear teasing, you stayed against the bar, talking and laughing with your friends as you sipped at your drink. The girls did try convince you to dance with them at one point, but you were waiting a certain pair to join you. After all, dancing with the girls was fun, but it was even better when you had certain pairs of eyes on your body.

“Oh shit,” Miku cursed, suddenly grabbing your arm and turning you away from the door.

“What the hell-?”

“Don’t turn around!” Miku earned, holding onto your shoulders. “One of your boys’s old flings is here, and trust me you don’t want anything to do with her.” Looking subtly out of the corner of your eyes, you saw a pretty strawberry blonde with soft brown eyes and a confident smirk. You could clearly see her figure through her flashy outfit, her expensive designer shoes and handbag on show like she was on the Paris run way. “She was with them for four months, her names Claire Aoki, and she’s a psycho if you ask me.” Miku continued carefully.

Before you could react, the door opened once more and in came your two boyfriends, looking like sex on legs. Gojo wore a flashy designer get up with black jeans and dress shoes, a blue shirt and a leather jacket that you knew for a fact cost more than your joint rent with the girls. Kakashi was also in black dress shoes, black dress pants, a dark grey shirt and a lighter grey silk vest. Their eyes landed on you immediately and began smiling. You smiled back, beaming when they started heading your way.

They hadn’t made it two steps before they were stopped by Claire, her red manicured-nailed hands resting on their chests as she leaned in towards them, pressing her chest into their arms. Kakashi looked panicked, eyes widening as his eyes darted up towards you, then down to her and back. Gojo’s smile shrunk, it was still there, but it looked much more forced now as his blue eyes narrowed at the other woman.

Curious, and not worried at all, you leaned back against the bar. You turned to make yourself look as relaxed as possible, replicating the same look you had the night they had pulled you away from your friends to charm the pants off of you. Your head tilted and your smile grew as their eyes kept on drifting to you. Whatever Claire was saying clearly wasn’t keeping their attention.

Your smile turned to a smirk as Beast by Mia Martina started playing, slowly pushing off the bar as you headed to the dance floor, your friends following. Closing your eyes, you let the music take you away, body rolls moving slow, deliberate. You caught their eyes by dancing for yourself, but now you knew their weaknesses, the parts of you that they loved to tease and squeeze, you knew their bodies like you knew your own. And you fully intended to use that to your advantage.

“Keep your eyes on me,” You sang, looking both men dead in the eyes, smirking as their gazes struggled to meet yours, roaming your form hungrily like they hadn’t seen you in months. “Come here right now,” You continued, your hands reaching out to them, beckoning them to you. “Cause when the sun goes down the beast comes out,” Dropping to the floor, you straightened your legs so you were bent in half, slowly coming up and curving your back as you flipped your hair back gracefully.

“Take you down, down can you keep it up all night,” Smirking, you spun slowly as you exaggerated your hip swaying, making sure they got an eye full of your behind. “You all over my skin, I’m anxious, paint my body boy’s I’ll be your canvas.” Your head snapped back, showcasing all their bruises that they left from the night before.

Next thing you knew, two sets of hands were gripping you tight, one set on your hips and another on your upper thighs. “Da~nm Beautiful!” Gojo growled lowly into your ear, your grin stretching as you giggled, Kakashi ducking his head to bite your neck. “First you ignore us, then you go and put on a show like that for anyone to see. What are you trying to do, hu? You just want us to bend you over our knees don’t you?”

“Maybe I do,” You teased. “Or maybe I’m trying to prove a point to someone who was getting too handsy with what wasn’t theirs.”

“Oh? Someone was getting jealous? As sexy as you are ‘staking your claim’, doesn’t change the fact that your going to get your punishment when we get home, beautifu~l!” Satoru teased, his hand dragging up your body till his hand was at your neck, then he squeezed.

Kakashi let out a ragged breath at your moan. “I think we should get out of here.” Pressing himself harder into you, you could feel his impatience clearly through his pants.

You dared to look around you, eyes meeting with soft brown eyes glaring daggers at you with so much hatred. You would have been scared six months ago, you would have shrunk and shied away. But how could you now when Gojo and Kakashi were stood with you, hands all over you, demanding your love and attention, making you feel so treasured and powerful.

“Kiss me first.” You demanded. Satoru didn’t even hesitate for a second, pulling you into a searing kiss full of passion and desire. You faintly heard Miku and your friends cat call and wolf whistle somewhere near the bar, causing Gojo to pull away and chuckle. The opening was all Kakashi needed. His kiss was equally breathtaking, his movements slower and more controlled, but clearly as desperate to lay claim.

When Hatake pulled away, Gojo effortlessly picked you up and threw you over his shoulder, smacking your arse when you struggled. So you smacked his right back. Again, you couldn’t walk the next day.

By the end of the eight first months, you had finally landed a job interview and was offered the job on the spot, starting small but promised promotions if your work was up to standard. Around the same time your lease on the shared apartment with your friends was up, and you had finally given into your boyfriends hints and agreed to look for a place you could all afford together. What’s more, your graduation was less than a month away. Things were finally falling into place.

You had yet to broach the subject of your relationship status with your parents, though you were pretty sure they had figured out that you were at least dating someone by this point. Admitting that you hadn’t mentioned anything to your parents, you were nervous how the boys would react. But they had simply shrugged, nodded in understanding and reminding you that if you needed their help they were here for you.

Most importantly, you had a job you were doing well in, you were moving into a beautiful home, your friends were happy and doing well in their own fields, and you had two men who loved you unconditionally. You were sure everything was going to work out just right. And with Gojo and Satoru by your side, you could over come anything.

[headcans-oneshots-and-stuff]

Hogwarts No.1 Ship

Fandom: Harry Potter  Pairing: Draco Malfoy x reader Word count: 3.4k Summary: You - Rubeus Hagrid’s niece and a surprising slytherin - have a crush on the Slytherin prince himself, but you are sugar and he is spice and there is no world where the two of you would fit together...right? Warning: Swearwordsm concussion, broken bones, but mostly fluffffffffff Requested by the amazing and patient (I’m really sorry it took so long) @onlycherryblossom​: Hi! I love your work and I was wondering if you could right a Draco Malfoy x Reader. you know, the one we talked about. It'd be so awesome! i hope you have a good day/night! (I won’t put our chat in here so that I don’t spoiler anything)

Hogwarts had rarely ever known two students who were as opposite to each other as Draco Malfoy and Y/N Hagrid. Draco - who was the embodiment of how people imagined the stereotype of Slytherin to be - was (most of the time) a prideful, cold, unempathetic prick, while you were a selfless, positive thinking, kind and gentle soul that could‘ve been a descendant of Helga Huffelpuff herself. The two of you did have one thing in common though. Your house. The hat had made you both into Slytherins which was on Draco’s side not surprising at all, but quite a shock for everyone who had talked to you for even a minute. Probably the biggest shock was courtesy of Rubeus Hagris - Half-Giant and your adopted uncle (on his father’s side) - who insisted that the hat must have made a mistake, but was quickly shot down by Dumbledoor who assured that the hat didn‘t make any mistakes. After some initial tumbling though, Hagrid realized that the house didn‘t make the person and that it didn‘t matter in what house you were sorted into, you’d always be his little pumpkin. And he was quite right. Even after you had been a Slytherin for just about five years, you had only grown more kind and loving - having bonded with many people in the other houses and years, but not quite as many in your own house. You’d call Blaze and Millicent maybe something close to friends and Pansy tolerated you which is why you gave her the title of ‘good acquaintances‘, but other than that you didn‘t really have a lot of contact with them in your free time. The most complicated relationship you held though was the one to the aforementioned Draco Malfoy. In a weird twist of fate the two of you somehow became the main ship in Hogwarts (with Harry and Ginny or Harry and Hermione as close second) even though you couldn‘t remember more than two or three times that you had talked to the boy outside of a classroom or study environment. Sure, he had never bullied or teased you which already differentiated you from most of the students, but you simply explained it by the fact that you were a good student - especially in potions class - and behaved well enough to gain a number of house points which made you into a good asset to Slytherin and as such made you a less logical target. Now all in itself that would‘ve been more than fine with you, but for some stupid reason your heart decided to betray you against it‘s better judgement and fall for him. Somehow, even after years of seeing him kick others down and behave like a complete douchebag you couldn‘t help but blush slightly at the mention of his name and feel your heart flutter when you walked by him in the hall or in the common room. The worst part was in potions class where he sat right beside you after Snape deemed your former partner as way too unqualified for one of his best students and exchanged him for Draco. Working with him in and of itself was actually rather nice. He was a good student and did his work thoroughly and mindfully, but you found it hard to concentrate when his hand brushed yours as you read a passage in the book or when he poured ingredients in the coultron that you were stirring. You really tried to ignore your feelings and ban every thought of him, but it seemed like you weren‘t doing the best job at it since your uncle kept asking about what it was that was distracting you all the time. On a rainy October day fairly at the beginning of your fifth year you decided you had enough. You were sitting in your Uncles hut with a plate of more or less edible cookies in front of you and a cup of something that was surely supposed to be tea when you finally gathered the courage to say what you had been meaning to say for weeks now. “Uncle Rubeus, can I ask you something?” Hagrid turned to you with his usual smile as he patted fang who was drooling all over his lap where he had laid his head. “Course ya can pumpkin. What’s it about?” “Uhm...well… you know there is this boy that I-“ “Ohhh Ah see,” Hagrid quickly interrupted you before you could even ask the question, “Ya know, usually I’d be more than happy to help ya with every question you have but ah really don’t thin’ I’m the right person for this, I’m sorry.” A little bit disappointed but not really surprised you just sighed and shook your head, telling him that it was okay, before bidding your goodbyes and making your way back to the castle quietly mulling over what exactly your plan b should be now that plan a had failed and you still had no idea what to do with or how to get rid of your stupid crush on Draco.

“You know what I would do if I were you?“ Ginny asked and pointed the end of her quill at you. The both of you were sitting in a corner of the library where you had planned to help her study for her upcoming potions exam, only for her to basically interrogate you until you admitted that you had an unlucky crush, even though she luckily hadn‘t pushed you to tell her who the guy you had a crush on was. “I‘d probably just tell them, I mean what do you have to lose. Either he‘ll say yes and you‘re happy or he says no and you just avoid him like he doesn‘t even exist - which would honestly be the appropriate reaction if he refuses a snack like you. See, no real downside to it.“ “Oh really? Hmmm, I wonder why you haven‘t told Harry how you feel yet then,“ you teased her and tapped your chin. Ginny‘s face immediately started to rival the colour of her hair and the way she crossed her arms in front of her chest and pouted reminded you of an overgrown toddler - but in a cute way. “I-I don‘t like Harry, okay? I mean I did when I was like ten because he was famous and I was a child,“ she tried to make sure you really knew how silly she wanted you to believe she thought it was by drawing out the word child for a good few seconds before rolling her eyes and looking to the side, “And anyway, it‘s not like he‘d date his best friend’s sister…“ “Oh Gin,“ you immediately felt bad and grabbed one of her hands with yours, “Have you looked at yourself? You‘re amazing and if Harry doesn‘t see that through his stupid invisible cloak and these glasses than he doesn‘t even deserve you.“ “Even though I admit that yes, I am amazing, this isn‘t the topic that we should be conversing about right now, remember? I think there‘s a certain blond Slytherin that you should be worried about more right now.“ Immediately blood shot right to your cheeks and you quickly looked around to make sure no one could‘ve heard her before leaning forward and hissing: “What? No? I don‘t like Draco? Why would you even think that? I never said that he is the one I have a crush on.“ Ginny just raised her eyebrows in an unimpressed manner, leaning back in her chair and picking the quill back up to play around with while she talked. “Listen honey, I‘m not judging you or anything. Don‘t get me wrong, I still and probably will always think Draco is a major asshole and doesn‘t even deserve to breath the same air as you-“ “He isn‘t that bad…“ “Yes he is, but anyways, no matter what I think of him I also know that you are a clever girl that knows how to protect herself and who knows, maybe you‘d even have a good influence on him.“ Images of you and Draco together with your friend group laughing and having fun crossed your mind and you could feel your heartbeat fasten involuntarily. “That‘s all great and good, but like I said, I don‘t have a crush on Draco,“ you gave the hope of getting out of this situation with the lie you‘ve been telling yourself for months still intact one last try, but Ginny didn‘t give it the time of day. “Oh please, I see the way you look at him in the dining hall and how your eyes are always on him when he‘s playing quidditch and just now you defended him even though the two of you aren‘t even friends. My love-radar is pinging like crazy around the two of you which is why I, Ginny Wealey also known as the love witch-“ “No one calls you that,“ you interrupted her only to be shushed by an evil glare. “I, Ginny Weasley, will help you in fulfilling your desire and getting together with Draco and I already have the perfect plan.“ “No no no no, please don‘t! Don‘t do this! Ginny no!“ you tried to make your point clear but she was already cleaning up her stuff and getting ready to leave. “Don‘t worry oh sweet Y/N, the next time we‘ll talk everything will be set in motion,“ she winked before dashing off leaving you standing in her figurative dust with your mouth agape for a few seconds before you let your head sink onto the table. This would definitely take an interesting turn…

After that you definitely started to actively avoid Draco which was - surprisingly enough - not as easy as you thought. Somehow he was almost always at least in your near vicinity. Besides the obvious factors of class (where you tried to focus on working and on praying whatever Ginny had planned wouldn‘t happen) and when you were eating in the great hall (where you had resorted to sitting at the very end of the table as far away from him as possible) he seemed to also be there in your free time. You were relaxing in the common room? He was there reading a book. You were outside with Harry and co.? Guess who’s coming their way to insult them (while not saying a single bad thing about you). By now there were just about three places where you were sure that he wouldn’t be able to pop up at any given moment. Your room, the bathroom and the potions classroom on Wednesday and Friday afternoon when class has already ended. After Snape had realized that he had some real potions-potential sitting in front of him he offered you extra credit as some sort of teaching assistant which basically meant that you helped him prepare lessons, helped him grade the first to third years tests and that you cleaned up and organized the potions classroom twice a week. Now usually, knowing that you were more than capable of handling the potions and ingredients standing around on your own after having seen you do it for a few months, you‘d be alone while you cleaned up except for the occasional visit of your professor to tell you which ingredients you should put on the students desks for the next class, but for some reason the next Friday - three days after Ginny had made her promise to you - the door already stood open and you could hear Professor Snape talking to someone. “I really expected better of you, your action is the reasons Slytherin has lost 50 housepoints and I hope you know that it is on you to gain them back, no matter your status,“ Snape‘s voice carried to where you stood and you wondered who the student was if Snape went so easy on them with his lecture. Usually you‘d be afraid for your life after losing even ten house points so getting such a calm reaction for 50 must‘ve really meant something. Your questions about the identity of the student were answered when you entered the dungeon room and immediately felt yourself freeze. Of course not even you (time dependent) sanctuary was safe anymore. Of course Draco just had to stand there and look at you without any identifiable emotion in his gaze. “Ah, Miss Hagrid, right on time as always,“ Snape nodded after he also noticed you and you felt slightly more at ease knowing that with him there nothing could really happen. “Should I come back later?” you asked politely, not sure if you had interrupted something. “No, you may stay. Mister Malfoy over here has got himself caught trying to sabotage McGonagall class, a childish act which I would’ve expected of the Weasleys but really not from you. As a punishment he will be the one to clean the potions classroom bi-weekly from now on until he has regained the house points lost. You’ll supervise him.” “I’m sorry, I’m not quite sure I understand.” ���Malfoy will do all the cleaning but since he has no experience with it I can’t just leave him alone so, since you’d be here anyway, you can watch him and make sure that everything goes orderly.“ It wasn‘t really a question as much as a command, something that you were used to from Snape, so you just nodded and bid him goodbye as he went to his office, leaving you and Draco behind. By now you had seen through what was happening. This was Ginny‘s plan. Somehow she must‘ve managed to blame Malfoy for the prank on McGonagall - something rather extreme given the taken house points- hoping (or somehow knowing) that his punishment would force you to spend at least an hour with him alone in a dimmed room twice a week. Inwardly you cursed your friend, while outwardly you tried everything to avoid directly looking at Draco as you explained his tasks to him before you sat down at your usual place and pulled out a book really hoping you could get him to not talk to you that way. Either your plan was working great or Draco just really didn‘t care for you, because an hour later you still hadn‘t exchanged any words, instead he dutifully, but slightly pouting, had done his job while you shot him the occasional glance to make sure he was doing it correctly. “I think that was all, you should be good to go now,“ you told him with a small smile, relieved that you were finally free to leave the room and with that the tension that had built up inside you as a mix of nervousness and fear. Draco had opened his mouth to respond when a third year came rushing inside with at least twelve books in her arms that almost towered over her which she quickly placed on a table, slightly out of breath. “Professor Snape sent me. He said these have to be sorted and put away.” You could probably feel Draco’s sigh before he had made it and - not really fond of spending more time so frustratingly close to your crush and yet so far - you just nodded and told both of them that you’d take care of it and that they could leave, which both promptly did. You took the books and carried them to the back of the room where a sole, old bookshelf was standing - since the students mostly had their own books - and started putting them away when you heard a sickening crunch before suddenly the shelf including books came crashing down at you and before you could even think to pull out your wand, the world turned black.

“I’m so so so sorry, you were right I shouldn’t have interfered, if I’d just listened to you you wouldn‘t be lying here now,“ Ginny whined from beside your bed where she had been sitting for the past twenty minutes apologizing over and over again and blaming herself for the broken arm, leg and the concussion that had you unable to leave the infirmary for the next three days to a week. “Ginny, how often do I gotta tell you, it isn’t your fault! I would’ve sorted those books in anyways - no matter if you had pulled that prank or not - and it would’ve fallen anyways,” you tried to reassure her and gave her a soft smile. “But-“ “No but, okay? We can’t change the past anyways, and even if we could I wouldn’t because thanks to you, I don’t have to take that stupid DADA test.” Your attempt to lighten the mood seemed to work, because soon you and Ginny were back to your usual conversation-style and it relieved you immensely. It made you feel okay again. She was just telling you of a stung Harry had pulled in the Gryffindor Common room when she suddenly paused mid sentence and looked up. You followed her eyes to where they were placed firmly on a certain Platinum blond boy that looked simultaneously like he’d rather be everywhere else and like he was glad to be there, it was a sight to see. “I think I’ll leave for now, I’ll come back later with tons of sweets that Luna and I are going to steal from Harry’s personal stash,” Ginny said goodbye and gave you a wink as she walked away making you torn between wanting to roll your eyes and feeling yourself blush. Unsure of what to do next you motioned to the chair that Ginny had just occupied and Draco seemed to get the hint because he quickly sat down. “Hey-“ “Hi-“ “Sorry, you first.” “No it’s fine, you’re injured, you go first.” “Well, uhm-“ you took a deep breath to calm yourself down, “-I wanted to thank you, for bringing me here I mean, Madame Pomfrey told me you carried me all the way.” You looked away hoping that he wouldn’t see how nervous you were. “You don’t need to thank me, I couldn’t just let you lay there buried under books, your not Granger after all,” he said, seemingly trying to joke but immediately noticed that it was probably not the best thing to say given that you and Hermione were good friends. “Listen, what I came here for,” now it was Draco’s turn to take a deep breath, “I’ve been meaning to tell you something, but you were always with Potter or avoiding me or whatever, but after I saw you lying there… I guess I was just worried for you, I really don’t want you to get hurt.” Now that definitely caught your attention. For a second you played with the thought that this could possibly not be Malfoy but just someone else playing him with the help of polyjuice potion because he was definitely not acting like himself, but something in his word convinced you otherwise. “Thanks, I think, but would you mind me asking why? I mean...we’re not really the closest of friends,” you asked him, looking directly into his face to search signs of a possible answer. “Fuck it, I like you, okay? Happy?” You were completely stunned. Stunned, speechless, shocked. In all the time that you had been crushing on him you had never even really considered even the slightest possibility that he could reciprocate your feelings but now here he was telling you straight up. “You-You like me? Like like-like me?” You asked, just really wanting to be sure. There was a hint of nervousness and worry in his eyes, but he hid it behind a wall of annoyance. “You heard me, didn’t you? So, just get it over with, do you like me too or do you not, because if you don’t then I don’t want to waste my time any longer.” This definitely sounded more like the Draco you were used to and you had to giggle a little bit. “Yes, yes I like you too,” you confessed and like it was the most natural thing in the world you moved the uninjured hand over to where he laid on your bed and took it in yours. For the moment, you were caught in the shimmer of happiness and glee at having your crush there with you, definitely something more than your crush, and it would probably take a while until you‘d realize that there were some interesting things to follow, like telling your uncle about this for example...

[supercorp-hosie]

Josie and Lizzie personality, dynamics and popularity in reality

I've kind of done this before, like in my thoughts for 315. Now, I've made some additions to them, so I think why not start a new post? There are some points that remained the same with my thoughts for 315 and I've integrated some points from my rating of the writing of Legacies characters too.

Starting from Alaric being an absent father since the twins were 11. Caroline wasn’t there either. What’s left for Lizzie? Josie.

Josie had to handle herself and Lizzie alone. Sure Alaric might not always be absent, but the intensity of Lizzie’s perspective begs to differ. Josie had to understand Bipolar at a very young age; be there when Lizzie had her outburst; constantly checks on Lizzie to take her meds; digest the emotion impacts after the outburst; understand how Lizzie functions when she was down. None of that are easy. No one asks about how Josie feels. How she pent out? What does she need? Josie might feel the need to be not needing things and always be good so that she can get the love and attention from Alaric (in s1, Josie felt the need to lose the game to get on Alaric good side). As results, she just started to suppress her voice and her needs, because Lizzie needed them the most. Over time or years of suppressing in front of her dearest family, she most likely felt unneeded by her parents, and forgettable to her parents (the girl so quiet that her parents forget about her, the girl that Penelope won’t fight for anymore). She needed to feel needed, so she just let Lizzie take all of her, from whom she felt needed the most. It started a vicious cycle for the twins, shaped their dynamics and how Josie is in present days. Unfortunately, her problems were never solved, they accumulated, leaving the good and dark side from Josie being so separated and unbalanced, as no one has helped her to sort them out. The inner turmoil is always there, leading to the extreme polarity of Josie’s good and bad side.When she’s doing bad, she would be especially aggressive than she needed to be because that’s an instinct to compensate the lack of action before. After long suppression, once being released, the instinct would be stronger than usual and more uncontrollable. Under the influence of dark magic, Dark Josie felt like another personality taking over the whole Josie and protect their interests that true Josie are neglecting. Kind of like dissociative identity disorder but not really it? Fear the dog that doesn't bark.

From Lizzie perspective, we can see how she perceived Josie when they were little. Like Lizzie being princess but Josie being her android, personal valet? It just showed that after what Josie had endured and done, Lizzie thought of herself being princess but didn’t think Josie as her equal? Like Josie was programmed to bow to Lizzie. That’s the twins dynamic showing, partly Josie's mistake, but Josie deserved more than that, even when she’s derogatory to herself, Lizzie should uphold that for her. What really warms me from the Android situation, is that from how Josie is the combination of two Androids, showing that Lizzie actually looked up to Josie. For Lizzie, Josie can really take care of her so well that Lizzie can count Josie as her personal valet. Derogatory, yes, but that place is also very important to prince and princess. Remember that Lizzie can’t cook but Josie is like expert in cooking or baking? The knowledge for Android part means that in Lizzie’s mind, Josie actually is like the person who knows everything. Usually that figure should be our parents, but for Lizzie, Josie knows the answer to all. The fact that the special sword was in Josie’s thigh the whole time, just show the trust that Lizzie had in Josie. The security of her needs that Lizzie got from Josie and the validation Josie got from Lizzie, it’s kind of how the codependency between them works. Lizzie voices, Josie listens; Lizzie wants, Josie gives.

About Lizzie mental illness, after my research, I think that Lizzie situation is more like borderline personality disorder rather than bipolar. Lizzie has this low self-esteem issue, she sees herself lowly sometimes. Evidently, she always thinks that she had to better herself more, even in 310 where she misjudged Finch, she forgot the fact that she had improved a lot along the seasons and just go straight to a retreat, because she thinks she’s still a very bad person. A second before she saw herself like holy almighty, the next second she saw herself so bad that she was like the person in season one (and even in season one she wasn’t that bad). However, we can also see Lizzie thinks very highly of herself sometimes, or uses a narcissistic attitude to cover up her insecurities regarding her self-image, they just doesn't match with people's view of it. The most alarming one must be the whole thing about her funeral. It's clear that she hasn’t had a stable self-image of herself, which is more of a personality disorder rather than Bipolar, a mood disorder. About Lizzie’s mood swings, they are too sudden, abrupt, it triggers by events and the outcome of the trigger is quite immediate. As for Bipolar, the mood swing is more of a consistent cycle, not abrupt. Yes, events might trigger something, but they take time to set in. Patients will be overly energetic during maniac while feeling overly fatigue during the depression state. They can’t actually control their mood, it’s a mood disorder.

Tbh, the twins really have their personality issues to deal with. I totally agree with other about them being each other's foil. Like Lizzie being the one in between, while Josie being the one in extreme. Turning out that under the mean girl cover, Lizzie has such big heart; while Josie being the model sister on the extremely good side, turning out that she can be extremely dark. For real, they had like six personalities as a whole. The polarity in Josie; the polarity of Lizzie's self-image; plus the twins themselves being the foil and mirage to each other. They both have serious mental problems, Lizzie's apparent, Josie's invisible.

How does these reflect on their relationship? People would choose to get along with someone like Josie, they benefit from her habit of caring, listening, giving, and she doesn’t seem to have serious problem. As for Lizzie, people mostly like to be heard and to not be covered by another voice, they would want enough reciprocation, a habit which Lizzie is not that familiar. Not to mention, having a mental condition being well-known is not the best trait for strangers to start a new friendship or relationship. Moreover, when people observe their dynamic, they jump to conclusion rather quickly, that Lizzie is always taking things from Josie; she doesn’t care for Josie, etc. It doesn’t help Lizzie much as Josie tends to hide under that too, as being quiet is kind of a routine for her. She wants the spotlight but habitual instincts make her tend to hide from the spotlight. Therefore, as for popularity,Josie is definitely at the top, adored dearly by her peers, thus won an election herself wasn’t even running; while Lizzie, you know. Between a dog that always barks and one that doesn't bark, which will you choose? (not derogatory) However, if someone attack Lizzie, Josie will still protect her, like she did tell Penelope to leave Lizzie alone.

To shed light on Josie’s jealousy, it rooted from the abandonment issues of the twins. It is a consequence of them being Alaric’s second choice and the absence of Caroline. For Lizzie, the issue remains with only Hope, Alaric’s betrayal for Hope in her fanfics; in 314, people prioritising Hope over her is very triggering; even in 316, the heavenly state she’s in because Ethan asked her out after the whole "Hope is perfect" speech, indicate that how she can’t believe someone would choose her over Hope. As she never thinks that she can hold a competition against Hope and win. Lizzie’s abandonment issue is minimal because of the presence of Josie, it provides the security in Lizzie’s life, as she is the first choice for Josie.

The abandonment issue is worse for Josie. Even if Josie is Lizzie blind spot, this part of Lizzie is not usually make known of. Josie would feel that she is second choice to everyone, including Lizzie. Like the personal valet that has no needs? Lizzie is just 11, but 11 is an important age in shaping people’s security in a relationship. Josie couldn’t have got much security from all her important relationship, hence the abandonment issues. She always feels helpless in them, afraid to voice her needs, desperately needed recognition from her parents which is probably very few. She needs control but she didn’t know the way to get it, so she got none. The insecurities heighten when it comes to her love life, making her easily provoked if she saw something she didn’t like. Results from the habitual quietness, her way of defending herself and gaining control is to lower her competition, like hurting the girl hitting on Landon, being hostile to Hope. She hated Penelope for abandoning her, she remained control mostly, when provoked, Josie’s abandonment issues and the insecurities in being the second choice were triggered so badly that she set her on fire. The time she did what she need to do, she overdid it, because her dark side needs to compensate what hadn't been done to protect oneself and tend to the needs – to balance out the imbalance. As she loses more control over the issue while desperately wants to suppress the need of control, the polarity in her keeps worsening and the dark side of her keeps surfacing.

This is why Josie is written to embrace and take care of herself, tend to her needs, like her never need to better herself. Lizzie is written to constantly better herself when she seems like a better person than Josie. Josie’s issues root from years of neglecting her needs, while Lizzie has years of habit of ignorance on how to care when she does care. Therefore, Josie taking care of herself = bettering herself, providing a balance in her so her mental can be stable even when provoke. If Lizzie cannot construct a good self-image, while getting positive feedback to reassure her self-image disparity, she can never overcome her personality disorder. Hence bettering herself to meet her own needs.

Their behaviours as presented are cultivated and shaped by each other under the unhealthy circumstances of their household. It is not logical to only accuse of one twin regarding their behaviours to each other without bringing the other twin and their parents into consideration.

@legacies-supremacy I still remember our twins dynamic discussion, I hope this bring my response as a whole. Btw, you kind of said that in 106, Josie tell Lizzie to go to their party without her several times and Lizzie waited for her? It's not true.

Regarding the whole situation, Josie spent all her time helping Lizzie get ready. When Lizzie is done, she said, "You’re not even dressed, I don’t want to be late on my own party." Josie said, "I’m done, I’ll catch up with you, okay?" Then Lizzie take off to the party and enter without Josie without question. After wearing the talisman, Penelope appeared. She expresses her desire to continue to make Lizzie uncomfortable or unhappy or angry. Josie wanted Penelope to ease up on Lizzie. Penelope said, "You have crawled so far down the codependence rabbit hole that you think taking care of yourself is selfish. Party starts in five. It’s a shame you spent all of that time helping Lizzie get ready." When Josie was dressed, she needed someone to help her braid, so for once she try something out of desire, she goes to Josette Laughlin. When Josette asked her whether Josie will be late to her own party, Josie said, "no one will notice". She expressed her thought that if Lizzie knew about her crush on Rafael too, the situation will look bad, so she kept silent.

During the party, Lizzie immediately enjoyed herself with MG. They had flirty moves with each other (i think). Once the soft music set in, she immediately changed partner. Penelope was the only one that notice Josie was no where to be seen (meanwhile Josie was getting buried alive). While Alaric encountered Hope to save Josie, Penelope is still the only one actively searching for Josie without request. After Hope met with MG and Penelope, the three of them started saving Josie together. Meanwhile Rafael told Lizzie the truth that he still hadn't moved on. Lizzie seemed like she was starting to melt down, and started asking for Josie. Hope, Penelope and MG saved Josie without Lizzie.

It is what it is, and I'm not blaming Lizzie. The whole getting buried alive thing just kind of enhanced Josie's feeling bad of getting what she desired. I kind of remember that she said that for once she listened to people urging her to pursue her desires and it ended up getting herself buried. Then Penelope like rewarded her with a kiss.

[talkfastromance4]

when i’m dreaming--calum hood oneshot

yeah so i’m going through something so this is very, very self-indulgent. 

word count: 2.3k

warnings: drinking linked a little with coping, going through a depressive low, best friend!calum

feedback and reblogs are always appreciated!

***

Calum notices something is wrong the minute she steps outside. He was about to take a drink of his white claw, but his eyes went to her nails when she pulled Crystal in for a hug. She typically paints them to match her mood and today they’re opalescent pink, barely noticeable but still there. In plain sight but still visible while she secretly wants to be invisible.

She smiles and cracks jokes with everyone she says hello to then when she steps in front of Calum, he sees the sadness in her eyes. They’ve been best friends for awhile now, they’ve shared secrets, stories of first loves and heartaches, their fears, their wildest dreams. But there was always something she kept hidden, tucked away in a box welded shut.

“Hey bud,” she sighs.

“Hey short stuff,” he grins playfully pulling her in for a hug. Her arms wrap around him and he makes sure to give her an extra tight squeeze.

“I’m not that short,” she grumbles in his chest.

“You’re shorter than me,” he reminds rubbing her shoulder with his thumb. Although her arms are loose around him he can feel the tension in her shoulders that she’s carrying.

“Stop hogging her! I haven’t seen her in weeks!” Ashton exclaims and Calum pulls away.

He knows it was too soon to break the hug but to keep up with her own façade he doubts anyone else sees, he does it.

“Hey, you’re the one who disappeared into the desert for all those weeks,” she jokes rising on her toes to loop her arms around Ashton’s neck.

He gives her a big bear hug that lifts her a few inches off the ground, Calum sees her nails digging into her arm as she squeezes him.

“Had to recenter myself, you should try it sometime,” Ashton teases right back. As if she was shocked, she removes herself from the hug then accepts a bottle of Mike’s from Luke.

“I can take something stronger than this, Hemmings,” she takes a large chug regardless.

“Yeah? Like tequila? I got some limes,” he jerks his thumb behind him towards the drink table.

“I said stronger not deadly. You know I can’t handle tequila,” she scrunches her nose.

Everyone else laughs but alarms are going off in Calum’s head.

“Yeah, the floor of my Tesla doesn’t like tequila either,” Michael chimes in with a tray of shots.

“I told you to pull over,” she shrugs lifting up a shot. She takes a whiff and nods in approval at his selected alcohol choice.

“I was going 75 on the freeway!”

“And that’s why I threw up. Ready?” she lifts her glass.

Calum meets her eyes as over the hands of their friends as Ashton gives an impromptu speech about friendship and long rides. He wasn’t really paying attention because when their eyes locked, he saw the panic, he saw the fear of whatever was going on in her head.

**

The next time he sees her is at the movies. Her eyes are darker along with her nails that are now a hunter’s green; camouflaged but still visible. While they’re waiting in line for snacks, he lifts her hand in his and runs his thumb over the color.

“This is a pretty color, I’ve never seen it on you before,” he says.

“Yeah, um…wanted to try something different,” she shrugs. “Do you want the blue icee?”

“Is that even a question?” he raises a brow, and she laughs.

Once they’re settled in the seats the previews start. Calum opens up the bags of sweet and sour treats while she opens the boxes of milk duds. The large bowl of popcorn (with extra butter) is settled between them, long red straws sticking out of their frozen drinks.

Throughout the whole movie, it’s an action romantic comedy, Calum keeps glancing at her. He watches her fingers disappear in the popcorn bowl, her hunter’s green nails appearing black in the dark theater. Calum’s seen enough movies to know this moment is foreshadowing the darkness she’s slipping into. He’s preparing himself for the fall but he’s not entirely sure she is.

**

Two weeks have gone by and he hasn’t seen her since the movie. Their schedules didn’t align so he decided to surprise her with takeout from her favorite Asian restaurant and chocolate cake from her favorite bakery.

When he opens the door, he hears Friends playing on her tv and he finds her horizontal on the couch. The hood of her sweatshirt is over her head, her arms wrapped around her torso, her black nails clutching the fabric.

Calum braces himself for what he’s walking into, sets the food on her counter and crouches in front of her. He pulls her hoodie back a little so he can see her face a bit better, her eyes are distant and staring off behind him.

“Hey,” he says softly then touches her hand. It’s very cold. “Y/N.”

Upon hearing her name does she finally look at him. Her eyes have filled and spilled with her tears in a matter of seconds. He links her fingers through his.

“Hi,” she mouths, her voice barely registering.

“Is this about…him?” he asks delicately.

About a year ago he chipped away at the welding on the box. He knows it involves a guy. He knows it’s about bad timing. He knows it’s about deep emotions.

She nods and the tears erupt more. She buries her face in her hands then adds another layer by hiding in the pillow.

“Nope, nope, hey,” he tugs on her arms. She’s pliant and allows him to drag her in a sitting position. He takes the place where her head was then brings her onto his lap. “I’ve got you, I’m right here.” He murmurs and pulls her hoodie down so he can rub at her hair.

She sobs loudly into his neck. Calum holds her as tight as he can, murmuring comforting words in her ear. Her sobs would subside, but he wouldn’t let go until she did. She’s very good at keeping her emotions at bay and even better at keeping people further away from her harbor. She doesn’t ask for help often, she doesn’t open up too much and when she does it’s always the footnoted version.

Three episodes of Friends later, her hold lessens, she gives a big sniff and peels herself away from Calum. He uses the sleeves of his shirt to wipe at her tears and nose.

“Have you eaten?” he asks, and she shakes her head. “I brought food. I’ll heat it up for you.”

She nods and falls back onto the couch. He rubs her knee then heads into the kitchen. When the food is prepared on plates he brings it to her and she takes it, scarfing down the first few bites heartily.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” she finally speaks when her plate is empty.

“I know,” he nods looking over at her until she meets his brown eyes. “It’s okay.”

Calum ends up staying the night, his mind reeling from what the history is with this mystery guy. His thoughts get away from him as he stares at the ceiling above the couch. Was he some celebrity that kept her under the radar and broke her heart repeatedly? A Prince from some far-off country that got her hopes up and crushed them again and again?

He’s tossing and turning until he hears the shower turn on. Sad songs play over and over on her speakers, her voice singing along with the yearning words. Ghostin’ by Ariana and When the Party’s Over by Billie replay one after another.

She’s really hurting.

Calum bounds off the couch and opens the bathroom door.

“Y/N?” he makes sure his voice is a little louder than the music.

A sniff. “Yeah?” her voice is thick.

“Just want you to know I’m here,” he shuts the door and sits next to the shower.

His heart aches when he hears her crying again, the vocals echo and bounce off the tiles. Her sadness fills the room just as it’s filled in the hidden box of the guy who’s making her feel this way.

Four more repeats go by and the shower is finally shut off. Calum scrambles off the floor, sees her tug the towel from the door of the shower. Her shadow figure wraps it around herself and she opens the door. Her skin is red from the hot water, as are her eyes and cheeks from crying more tears. He grabs another towel and helps dry her hair while she stands there avoiding her reflection in the mirror.

“It’s been five years, why do I still feel like this?” she asks quietly.

“It hurts the most when it meant something.”

He left the bathroom after he dried and brushed her hair then waited for her in her bedroom. There’s pictures on her desk from high school. Her and some guy at prom. Her and the same guy a little bit older posing in a selfie on a couch, drunken smiles on their faces. Her and the same guy a little older again posed outside.

This must be from that box. She’s cracked it open and Calum is staring at some of the pieces that have broken her wholly.

“His name’s Henry,” she explains suddenly behind him.

Calum turns to her voice. The drastic change from the happy girl in the photos to the sad girl before him startles him. He remains silent to let her speak or to go into silence again. She moves onto her bed, sitting in the center and tucks her legs against her chest.

“We never dated. But we were always…together. Together in the physical sense for four years,” she continues. Calum joins her cautiously on the bed and listens. “Back and forth always. After every relationship we fell back into each other. He’s the longest relationship I’ve had, and it wasn’t even a real one.

“We cared about each other, and…I think he loved me. Time wasn’t on our side. It was too much or too little, I don’t know,” she shrugs. “Just when I think I’ve let go; I dream of him. Then he’s on my mind for days. And now this time…” she shakes her head and Calum pulls her against him. “I went on socials and I found out that he um…he’s a dad now. And I feel so stupid because that could have been me if we kept what we had. I feel stupid because a part of me wanted it to be me.”

Calum doesn’t fully understand the ins and outs of their relationship, but four years of physical affection and a rock to lean on, that’s a lot of history. He also doesn’t fully understand how this guy didn’t make it official with Y/N. She’s the perfect best friend with a big heart.

Calum wishes he knew her in school because he would have been the one to take her to prom. He would have been the one take her to movies and dinners and surprise her with flowers. He would have made it official rather than keep her guessing.

“I’m really going through it and I don’t know how to get out,” she whispers sadly.

“I think…” Calum heaves a big sigh and kisses her wet head. “I think you’re just cracking the surface of breaking free. I can tell he meant a lot to you and you meant a lot to him. Even if he never said it, you’ll always be a part of him just like he’ll be a part of you. Someone that important won’t just poof away.”

“But I want him to, it hurts.”

“I know it does, sweetheart. I’ll help you in any way I can, okay?”

“You’re so understanding and you’re so good, but I don’t want to cry over another guy when you’re here.”

“That’s what best friends do.”

She turns her head and gazes up at him. He notices the storm in her eyes aren’t as dark, her lips are chapped from the cracking of memories she spilled out.

“Calum, you’re more than my best friend.”

He hears a deeper truth in her statement, and it causes his breathing to quicken. The subtle yet very noticeable flick of her eyes to his lips causes him to react. He gives her a quick peck, but that smallest touch sent an enormous shock through his system.

They settle against her pillows, the kiss wasn’t awkward, but it filled them both with questions. Questions that will be answered at a different time because right now he wants to hear this most vulnerable part of her life. She takes his hand in hers first and plays with his fingers while she talks.

He makes comments and asks questions to try and understand a bit more. Calum kisses her head when her voice starts to shake. Hours go by and the sky starts to lighten, birds are awakening.

“Hey,” she says right as he’s about to fall asleep. They talked all night, but she quieted down about twenty minutes.

“Hm?” he opens his eyes.

“We match.”

He looks down at their intertwined fingers when she taps on his nail. His polish is chipped away from chewing on a hangnail then smiles at the black color. He lifts their hands and kisses their knuckles.

“I feel what you feel.”

“What exactly do you feel?”

“I felt you slipping. I can sense your emotions when no one else can, and I guess I painted my nails subconsciously because I didn’t want you to be alone in the dark,” he explains. She’s quiet for a moment and he thinks she really fell asleep this time.

“Thank you. I don’t think I’ll be this bad again.”

“If you are, I’ll be here. I’ll always be here.”

“Cal?”

“Hmm?” he sighs. It’s getting harder to keep his eyes open, but he doesn’t want her to stop talking. He doesn’t want her out of his arms.

“When I’m dreaming tonight it will be of you.”

**

Taglist: @calpalirwin @myloverboyash @loveroflrh @cxddlyash @princesslrh @spicylftv @notinthesameguey @itjustkindahappenedreally @calumance @thew0rldneedsmcreycghurt @sarcastically-defensive17 @another-lonely-heart @devilatmydoor @thatscooibaby @suchalonelysunflower @dead-and-golden @mymindwide @blackbutterfliescal @redrattlers @karajaynetoday @quasighost @i-like-5sos @creampiecashton @calpops​ @littledrummeraussie​ @sexgodashton​ @f-mu​

[wolvesandpetals]

Loki x Sylvie Post-Finale Fanfiction (Angst, Rated Teen) Part 2 of 2

Part 1 is here:

She never knew it would hurt this much when the person she loves is right in front of her, but she can't reach out and touch him; when she is still her, he is still him, but everything else has changed, like an invisible lever in an old theatre changing the scenery in the background, bringing them both to the part of the play where they are hopelessly lost.

[[MORE]]

All it took was one single moment, one single decision, and everything feels irrevocably broken now. It makes her contemplate on the true nature of relationships, how fragile they are, and how easy it is to shatter them- and her.

The smoke is slowly clearing, and all that seems to be left is a man who is doing his best to keep his distance from her, physically and emotionally.

She can tell from the way he stands with his arms crossed, or his fists clenced when his hands are by his side, that he really doesn't want to hold her hand. How can something so simple as the touch of his fingers be so vital to her existence that it feels like something has been ripped out from inside her?

She wants to reach out and touch him, but she is scared that if he pulls away outright, any hope of reconciliation that she still has left will shatter into pieces.

And she really needs this hope. It's the only thing she still has left. It's the only thing that keeps her going.

---

He looks like a man with a mission.

They spent quite a long time together, running from the TVA, running towards the citadel at the end of time, hoping to achieve their goal of bringing down the one behind the curtains.

But that was her mission, and he was there for her. She was the one behind the wheels, he was the one keeping the sails afloat.

Now it's different. Now he has a defined goal, a glorious purpose.

She's seeing him in a whole new light now, and not just because he has switched to Asgardian leather and metal armors.

As far as she is concerned, she is better off doing it all alone. One woman army, nobody to get in her way, nobody to screw up her plans. Nobody to blame her if it all goes to shit.

Or so it was, until two months ago, when Mobius decided to enlist her help in fixing the multiversal madness.

She has never really worked with people before, and it's weird, to say the least. She never considered herself a team player, but she is finding herself hating the idea less and less lately.

And she swears it has nothing to do with him. Not the fact that they are working together, and seeing his face first thing in the morning brings her a sense of calm that she quite can't explain. Or the fact that their rooms are next to each other and it makes her feel secure enough to finally get some rest at nights. Or that this whole arrangement has kept them on talking terms, when they had gone their own separate ways otherwise.

Nothing to do with that at all.

---

Humans are stupid, and the biggest evidence of this is how they decided that two extremely powerful Gods skilled at magic, enchantment, and defeating an evil extra dimensional cloud that swallows everything it touches, should be delegated to the role of research. "You're clever. You're good at reading people. You can put yourselves in the shoes of the bad guys, no offense", they said, but really, what they meant was, "We can't trust you out in the field much." She knows it, he knows it. She just doesn't know why he's complying.

That's how they find themselves researching every single day.

She likes to think he's not the only reason why she's studying in the library instead of in the comfort of her room, but that'd be a lie.

At first, he chooses to sit at a separate table. But she keeps going over to his to "get his opinion" on something in the file she's reading, and finally, he gives in. Their current arrangement consists of him sitting in the chair in front of her, to the left, prim and proper, while she hoists her feet up on the table.

He falls asleep on the desk one night, face smacked against a file, the tiniest bit of drool forming at the corner of his mouth. It would be a hilarious sight, if her heart wasn't feeling what she can only describe as longing.

They should probably talk about it, like mature adults, but neither of them know how to do that.

All she can do right now is gather the courage to run her fingers through his hair. The touch is hesitant at first, as if one wrong move would make him wake up and push her back to square one. Slowly, she relaxes, letting her fingers dance on his scalp.

He stirs in his sleep. "Please Sif. I'm sorry. Don't cut off my glorious locks, please."

Now this is a story she must hear when things are better.

If things are better.

---

Doctor Strange joins them very briefly, very rarely, but the tension between him and Loki is hard to miss. It's worse than the current situation with her, and that's saying something.

"You don't really like Stephen, do you?"

Something inside him seems to shift, but he masks it behind a non-chalant look immediately and just arches an eyebrow at her. "He's Stephen now, is he?"

"Well, that is his name." She shrugs. "What do you call him?"

"Strange", he spits the word out with an amount of irritation that indicates there definitely is a story there. "That is his name", he mimics.

She can't help the smirk that spreads across her lips. "What did he do to you?"

"Nothing", he lies, ignoring the horrifying flashbacks of thirty minutes of endless falling. Not a single soul must ever know a mere human got the best of him. "What can he do to me? I'm a God among those mortals. He just irks me because he is so pompous, and arrogant, and he ceaselessly uses magic to toy with others."

She pretends to think deeply. "Now where have I seen that before?"

He scoffs. "You mock me, but I am nothing like him. For one, I am not rude."

"He seems fine to me", she declares decisively.

It's the first time in months that he gives her a cheeky grin. "That's because you're rude too."

---

They are still just containing the threats to their world, instead of finding a way to fortify the barriers between worlds and stop the threats from coming.

"Shouldn't we have a plan to seal off the other worlds from ours?" She asks him one day.

"They are working on it." He tells her, and then with a look of worry, adds, "I hope."

There are debates on what to do at the Avengers tower and at the TVA. Nobody seems to agree on what the best course of action is, but everyone seems to be following the general instructions of Doctor Strange.

During one such meeting, a Minuteman makes the mistake of voicing out loud how she wondered if things would be better if they were running according to their old boss's plans.

Sylvie feels the guilt wash over her once more.

"No", Loki tells them all firmly. The determination in his voice takes her completely by surprise. "Evil is evil. Lesser, greater, middling, makes no difference. The degree is arbitrary. The definition’s blurred." She catches him steal a glance at her direction. "We couldn't have left a dictator in charge just because it's convenient. Listen, I'm the bad guy. I've done horrible, unspeakable things. I thought humans needed to be ruled. I wanted to rule. But even I know that it's not right to take away a person's life completely. These are innocent people. You are innocent people. You have families back home, parents, children", a pause and a softening of his features, "-love. A whole past, a whole future. That man had no right to take it away from you."

His powers of persuasion are foreign to her, and it's mesmerizing to watch. Her enchantments cannot hold a candle to how he is able to just talk people into doing what he wants, thinking what he thinks, seeing what he sees.

"He who remains had a plan. One, singular plan, from one, singular man." There is absolute conviction in his voice. "It's not the only way. We'll find another way. A better way."

She has never known what it is like to have someone see you for who you are- broken and flawed, and defend you- even your well-intentioned actions that yielded different results than what you expected and hurt them in the process. She suspects it has been the same for him, a lifetime of not having anyone have his back.

The warm feeling inside her is brand new. What is the name of this? Comfort? Relief?

Happiness?

---

This will be their first time out in the field in a long time, and she feels a little sick to the stomach.

He notices. "Are you alright?"

The concern in his voice tugs at her heartstrings. She nods. She has faced way worse, she shouldn't be so nervous about this, but she is. "I've never done this before."

"We can always just kill him and blame it on the Chitauris", he suggests with a serious face.

"I heard that", Peter yells from the other room, where he is doing whatever it is that teenagers do to prepare for battle.

She shakes her head in disbelief. "I can't believe we're babysitting."

"I've done this before", he assures her, and it surprises her to picture him being entrusted with such a serious task. "The trick is to conjure up illusions that keep them distracted enough to not cry."

She laughs. "You're thinking of infants. This one is a little older."

"I'm over a thousand years old, Sylvie. They're all infants to me."

Peter joins them, mask covering his face so that he doesn't reveal his identity. "So what do I call you? Loki and Loki? That's confusing. How about Loki and Lady Loki? Or is that offensive? I'm not suggesting women are inferior, because they're absolutely not..."

"Does he come with an off switch?" She whispers in horror as Peter rambles on.

Loki grins. With one wave of his hand and a flash of green, Peter's own webbing shoots out and seals his mouth shut.

---

Things are fine but not fine at the same time. He's right there beside her, but not there at all. They have their banters, they have their stolen glances, but they haven't had a meaningful conversation since that first day when she got back. She's been putting it off for a long time, but she knows they really do need to have the talk.

She corners him in his room one evening while he's tinkering with a temporal collar. She takes a seat in the chair next to his bed and rests her hand on the table, leaning her head against her palm, before switching position and crossing her arms and legs. Everything about her posture screams uneasiness. If he notices- he probably does- he doesn't say anything.

"You defended me that day."

He briefly looks up from the task at hand and gives her a soft smile. "Of course."

She blinks. "I don't understand." Her hands involuntary rise up to rub her temples. "If you can justify my actions to them, then how can you still be mad at me?"

"I'm not mad at you", he says without missing a beat.

"Rubbish", her words come out angrier than she intended. This frustration is the result of the months of status quo they have had. She has to know now, one way or the other. "You're distant. You're guarded", she accuses. Then her voice breaks, as she feels a part of her break all over again with her next words. "You don't hold my hand. Why? Tell me."

He abandons the collar and focuses his full attention on her. Staring straight into her eyes, he answers her. "You know why."

"I wouldn't be asking if I did. Look, if it's because I chose the mission over you-"

"-Of course it's not that." He says decisively. Then a sad smile clouds his face. It's the same look he had when she accused him of conning her to gain the throne. "Do you think I'm the type of man who would want a woman to abandon her life-long ambitions just because she has met someone?"

She knows he isn't. But it still doesn't answer why he is so cross with her. "What is it then?"

He pauses for a moment, trying to decide whether he wants to bare his soul out to her once more or not. There are two ways he can go from here- choose to not let her in again and save himself from the hurt, or trust her again and open himself up to potential pain.

Who is he kidding? Pushing her away- keeping her away- doesn't hurt any less.

There were a thousand things that had to go wrong to bring two Lokis from two universes together. A connection like that, it doesn't just happen.

And it doesn't just go away. The pain is constant, it's a part of him, pounding like a second heart every second he has to stop himself from reaching out for her hand.

This has to come to an end.

He takes in a deep breath, bracing himself. "You didn't have to send me away, Sylvie. I wanted to stop you from making the same mistakes I did. But in the end, I didn't care what you chose. I just wanted us to do it together."

She never even imagined this could be the reason for his hurt. All these months spent thinking he hates her for her choices, and now it turns out he is hurt simply because she chose to do it alone? "I'm sorry." She says sincerely. "I just wanted you to be safe."

"And I just wanted to be there with you till the end." He confesses. His eyes shimmer with the emotions he has kept bottled in for so long. "You go, I go."

She doesn't know what to say to that. She has never been good at articulating her feelings. Tears stream down her cheeks at the realisation that even after everything, he is still there for her.

She didn't cry even back at Lamentis when they thought they were going to die. She doesn't let anyone see her cry when she is sad or scared. That's all she has known her whole life. She's used to it by now.

This is new. These are tears of relief. Comfort.

Happiness.

Tentatively, she crosses over to the bed and sits by his side.

It's quiet for a few minutes. But unlike the months of tension so thick she could cut it into splices with her daggers, this is comfortable silence. The kind they had before it all went wrong.

"Did you even miss me?" He whispers.

"What kind of silly question is that? Of course I did." Her shaking hands grab his, and oh how she missed this.

He intertwines their fingers. His eyes draw closed. Bliss. That's the only word for this feeling.

He opens his eyes again and studies her. She's staring back at him, teary-eyed, but with a hopeful smile. "Really? Because you have a really unique way of showing it. You didn't even come looking for me."

"I didn't know how to face you", she tells him honestly. No tricks, no enchantment, no treachery. Not with him. "I didn't know if you even wanted to see me." Her voice grows quieter, dropping to a timbre that perfectly encapsulates her deepest fear. "I thought you hated me."

"Hate you?" He is shocked that she thinks that is even possible, specially after seeing him these last few months. "Sylvie, I'm working with the Avengers. The Avengers. Do you know how much I hate them? They are my nemesis. They're self-righteous, condescending, and so completely dull. Every second with them makes me want to rip their hearts out. Why do you think I'm here with them?"

She thinks she knows. But she needs to hear it anyway.

"It's because of you." He lays it all out on the table. All cards on deck, win or lose. "You've been running away. I have been the one who has been here, trying to hold down the fort, working to fix everything. Because that is what one does when one loves-"

Shit. The word slips out before he realises it.

Their eyes go wide in unison.

"Sylvie, I-"

"-Don't you dare take it back now." She warns him. "I-" She doesn't know how to say it either. They make such a great pair, both equally daft at saying how they feel, like they are teenagers, not Gods who have lived for centuries. "I've been running because I didn't think I could bear the burden of knowing I found you and then I lost you. I don't want to lose you. Not now, not ever."

He kisses the back of her hand, before letting it go. He cups her face, gently caressing her cheeks with his thumbs. "I don't want to lose you either."

She leans in closer, until their foreheads touch. She can feel his breath on her face, warm and soft. That is exactly how she feels inside. "You won't", she promises. "You go, I go."

---

(Quote on Lesser Evil from The Witcher. Thanks for reading!!)