#I hope this happens for the Europeans and is just the start of a bigger world tour!

[neverendingnoahreid]

[threepandas]

Bad End: Eve

You know how most Otome games are vaguely historical? Usually some non-specific mishmash of European countries? But fluffier and with more bows? It had once "gotten" to me, I think. I remember looking for outliers. Non-joke ones. Something that wasn't just "but this time with hats!"

I found one.

And now? Now I'm not sure if I curse that day or thank whatever force of nature lead me there. I guess... I guess it depends. Would I still have ended up HERE? If I had not found it? If so, then I genuinely and actually fucking rue it. Like... like actual "you'll rue the day! Bwahaha!" Type rue it. That's me. Ruing.

But? If it was always going to happen?

Then I guess...

I guess I'm weirdly glad. Because at least I have some fucking idea of what's going ON. Terrible, as it all is. Fucked, as the situation is. At least I'm not... not confused. Blind and at the mercy of those around me. Ignorance truely isn't bliss. All it does is leave you to try an fill in the blanks yourself. Usually with something far worse.

Not that the situation could GET much worse, by much.

I was in an Otome game. NOT a flower, high society, and dragons kind either. No. I? Was in a Dark Sci-Fi otome game. "Fate of man" was thrown around a lot. Power of luuuuv~ and such. Also, you know, HORRIFIC ethical violations. Human experimentation. Cataclysmic events and humanity "starting over".

All the high drama sci-fi concepts you could expect. It was a romp. Had good art. I'd had fun! Which is why I remember it so clearly.

Less fun when you're IN IT.

When you AREN'T one of the characters you KNOW will survive.

In fact, are one of the characters you know WON'T fucking survive. And will probably die MESSY. Horribly. Cause see, our BELOVED Harem collecting Protagonist? She? Was AN Eve. "AN".

Take a wild fucking guess what THAT project is about.

Did you say "breeding a better race of humans"? Ding ding ding! With humanity currently fucked, they want to FIX the problem by FIXING humanity. And of course, fuck ethics! Volunteers? Why use those?! Let's horrifically mad scientist our way to atrocity-ville! Make it all the more "God rightfully punishing us for our unforgivable sins" when we get wiped out!

Fffffffuck YOU, plot! I have to live here too!

You may, in fact, be picking up a slight note of stir crazy. A "wow, this lady rambles like a mother fucker" vibe. You would TOO, if you were stuck in a FUCKING TUBE. All I can do, day in and day out? Is wake, think, observe, then go right back to sleep. I can't even eat! I got a TUBE for that!

I... I miss showers.

Everything is GOO.

I'm an Eve. And if it weren't for the air tube controlng my breathing? I'd laughing hysterically until I died. And no, not in the "oh how funny" way. God. Oh... oh god. What a way to die. NONE of the Eves survive "the program".

Those IDIOTS are so OBSESSED with making bigger and bigger, better and better, FUCKING JUGGERNAUTS? That the Adams? Have long since reached the point of "mindless killing machine". UNSTABLE is putting it lightly. There is sexual dimorphism and then there's literal incompatibility.

But GOD FORBID the scientists admit that THEY are the ones with the inferior product.

It... it was even part of the game's plot. The scientist who made "Eve" HID her while HE made an Adam. I do not have that luxury. Somewhere, there is an unstable BESERKER being told I'm his "wife". That we're going to be HAPPY together. That he'll get to put his bruising, blood soaked hands anywhere he WANTS... just after he WINS me from the other Adam's.

Got to prove HE'S the best specimen, after all.

It makes my skin crawl. All I can hope, is that I can either provoke the bastard enough to kill me before they have a chance to stop him, or? I use my own enhanced strength to snap my neck. Maybe bite my tounge. Like HELL am I letting an Adam get near me.

The hiss of laboratory doors.

"Perfection at last..." Comes a relieved sigh. "All those HIDEOUS specimens. Why they make me suffer them, I'll never understand. We should have terminated them months ago. My poor project, they really think they're WORTHY of you..."

There's a derisive laugh. The scientist strolling into the lab I've been developing in, familiar. I watch him casually shrug off his lab coat and dump is bag. Hang his coat over the back of his chair. Turn, as he does each day, to STARE up at me. His eyes are a pale, pale purple the likes of which I've never seen before.

They're HAUNTING.

There is almost a red tint to them, though maybe that's the lights. The goo. I can never tell. He always looks ENTRANCED by me. Floating, visored, connected to far too many tubes an' wires. I'd think it was the fact that I was naked if it weren't for the way his gaze doesn't seem to drift lower then my shoulders. Seems more entranced by the way my hair moves, as though under water.

I've never once heard him talk about me lustfully.

But that doesn't mean he doesn't SCARE me.

"Let's begin, shall we? Time for your daily doses, mmm?" He says, voice dangerously affectionate. As though i had CHOSEN to do this to myself. As though he were merely reminding me of my morning medicine and not the hell ahout to come. "Going to be good for me? I know you shall, you always are."

He turned back to his desk, his computer. A few keystrokes... and I could feel the pod above me begin to hum, as it awoke. Oh god. Oh god it never got easier. From the corner of my eyes, bright chemicals slide down thind lines and into my veins. Like lines of lava. Bolts of electricity and pain. It was... AGONY.

My muscles seized. Brain screeched, first to the screaming I wish I could make... then static. With the long practice of daily pain, it took me far away. The click, click, click of keys. The sound of his voice, so terribly PLEASED, as I hung there and just TOOK it. No restraints, no strugging, no damaging myself. Just unbearable fire in my veins and a brain far, far away.

"Good girl~"

Distantly a phone rang. He made an annoyed sound, but picked up regardless.

"What. I'm in the middle of- ...Excuse me? I'm quite sure I did not hear you correctly. I said 'NO'. She's not-....I will NOT BE-...What. Are you out of your god damned MIND? That pile of scraps you call a project is coming NOWHERE near my-! ....you think you're clever, don't you?"

"Fine. You want to TALK? Let's TALK, Anderson. I'll be there in five."

From far away, past the pain, I watched him chance down at something at the screen. Back up to me. He hung up the phone but did not pause the program. Instead, calmly rising from his desk. Shrugging on his lab coat. Rounding the desk and striding towards my bio-tube.

"Hmmm, honestly, it should have been spaced out over a few more days... but you can take it. Endure a bit longer for me, would you, darling? Daddy's going to go deal with something for just a moment, he'll be right back, my perfect girl. Be good."

He leaned forward, pressing his forehead to my tank. One hand splayed next to it like he badly wished he could touch. Could stroke skin. Hold his creation close. It was not the first time he had done this. Small, covetous, little actions like he wanted to crawl inside my skin and STAY there. Like he cursed the glass that separated us.

He pulled back. Shifted to the side and kneeled. He... had hidden something behind my bio-pod? When? Apparently before I had become aware. Because I had not known about it. A black shoe box. I watched him open i-GUN. Thaaaat was a gun! Fuck. Well at least? By the time anyone thinks to look in on me? The overdose will probably have killed me?

There is a cold, terrible smile on his face as he rolls to his face. Tucking the gun into an inner pocket. It has a silencer. He leans forward one last time. Lightly kissing the glass of my pod, as though heading off to work and not to very obviously kill somebody. The pain continues. Builds. I watch him leave.

With nothing to anchor myself on... time blurs.

I think? There are alarms? Red lights flash. Then they stop. There is shouting at one point. But then silence. An explosion? Or am I hallucinating? Pain. My nerves are on fire. I don't want to have SKIN. Please... please make it STOP! Calm foot steps? Come to kill me? Please come to kill me. Make it STOP.

The lights died a... time? Ago? Emergency lights on now. Generators in the room are loud. Why can I still hear the feet? Footses? Words. H..hurts. please.

Click.

The pain eases to a stop. Aching but nothing new. Over? Oh, thank god. I can sleep now, right? But... sound? New. At my feet. Gurgling. Wha-? The very top of my head feels cold. Then my forehead. Then my temple's and ears, cheeks, jaw... wait. Is? Is the tube...DRAINING? I open my eyes.

When did I close them?

He's back.

Standing right in front of the tube. Blood staining the hem of his coat, lingering marks of his massacre cleaned but not quite scrubbed from his body. There are little off red stains on his cheek, from what must be blood splatter. They look like tiny freckles.

I'm... I can't...

I reach as the tube down my throat is pulled almost carelessly away by the machine. Choke, suffocate, as the same is done for my air tube. But then it's done... and I can BREATHE under my own power. Gasp and splutter, as the goo sloshes around my knees. Then it's gone. And the tube I've been leaning my weight against is roughly pulled away.

I collapse forward, my muscles having never actually supported me in this life.

Arms catch me. Wrapping me in a possessive hug. A hand immediately burying itself in long uncut hair, even as the other wraps itself around my torso to lean me against his body in a cradle. My face is pressed to his neck by the hand in my hair, cradling my head and neck. I can feel breath against the goo wet crown of my head.

"Finally~" he breaths out, whispering it against me like a sigh. "My beautiful, perfect girl. My darling creation. It took so LONG. Those retrobates interfering at every turn, lusting after you like ANIMALS, trying to keep you from me. Then, worst of all, trying to toss you to some pack of savages? Oh, darling~ Daddy's been so worried for you."

"But we'll be okay now, won't we? I finally have you. All fresh and finally finished. My perfect Eve. You can pick any name you want, of course. You and I will be leaving this ugly little place. Daddy has PLANS. A fresh new world, just for you, sweetheart."

He laughed, his hug tightening in a way that would have left bruises had I been a normal human. Kisses were pressed to my temple. A cheek, rubbed against my hair. He seemed... seemed GIDDY with it. That nothing could stop him now. There was no glass in his way. I could not move yet. My muscles twitched when I tried, but that was it. I wasn't even sure I could talk yet, if I tried.

"Aaah~♡ Welcome to the World, Darling. My Perfection. My Eve. This time no snakes or Adams to tarnish you. To get in your way. Just you and your Father~"

"FOREVER~♡"

Next: ->

[gainingfiction]

Heavily Used

Summary: This is a bit experimental (or weird), and maybe a bit predictable, but I had fun writing it. This is a story about an important relationship in a fat guy’s life, and the risk of taking things for granted. It’s also a story about coping (or not coping) with change.

Hope you enjoy!

~

I don’t know how much more of this I can take. I can only handle so much. It’s one thing to be taken for granted, that’s something we all have to live with. It’s just the total lack of acknowledgment, or even awareness that I’ve been under a lot of pressure lately. I swear, one of these days, I’m just gonna snap and call it quits.

A little bit about me: I’m stylish, polished, and pretty easy on the eyes, if I do say so myself. Born in Poland, but my background is Swedish—I’m European, at heart. The name is Anders, but no one actually calls me that. I’m not super high-maintenance, once you figure me out, but everyone needs a little attention from time to time. Some tending.

Especially living with Max.

I’ve known Max for a while, and he’s not a bad guy. He can be a little rough sometimes, and maybe a little careless, but it doesn’t come from a bad place. I think it’s just a lack of self-awareness. And let’s be honest, that’s a common problem among pretty-boy jocks.

The trouble with Max is that he’s not the pretty-boy I once knew. He’s changed�� he’s grown. I mean, he’s literally grown. Grown by about a hundred pounds, if I had to guess, and counting. Over the course of our time together, I’ve gotten pretty familiar with his ass, and I’ll admit, it’s a great one. But, boy, he’s got a lot more ass for me to handle these days.

It’s not insurmountable, not yet at least. But I’m worried it’s getting there.

It started out simply enough, the innocent midnight snacks and occasional takeout treats. No problem, right? Twunks can afford to indulge a little, especially a hot commodity like Max. But then, you get comfortable. You settle into a routine, you let yourself go. That’s the thing about creatures of beauty: one minute you’re the hottest guy in town, trim and toned, with a golden tan and handsome face and perfect, silky hair. The sort of guy who only seems to exist in a Hollywood version of reality. But then, inevitably, something happens. Sometimes tastes change, or maybe you’re the one doing the changing.

I won’t deny, I’m not in the same shape I was when I entered Max’s life for the first time. Any long-term relationship comes with the normal wear-and-tear. Max, though, has taken it to a whole new level.

The little snacks become big snacks. The extra meals go from “occasional” to “frequent” to “everyday”. Gluttony takes over. A 32-inch waist becomes a 36-inch waist becomes a 40-inch waist; size-small shirts are discarded in the back of the closet, soon joined by ill-fitting mediums, and then by larges, stretched out of shape by a gut that won’t stop getting bigger. Max used to flit around the apartment like a bird; now he lumbers like an elephant, heavy footfalls and a slow, waddling gait. His own warning system—you can hear him coming.

On paper, I know I should be trying to help lighten the load. And it’s not like I’m totally unappreciated; there are days when he comes home from work, legs tired and arms loaded down with takeout, and I can tell he’s genuinely happy to have me. But it doesn’t last long. Once dinner’s over, I’m back to being ignored while he sits on the couch, gorging himself in front of the TV, until he comes around again to stuff his face at the next meal. Which, to be fair, is pretty often these days.

It sounds cruel, the way I talk about his escalating weight, his increasingly-indecent greed. I’m not trying to be mean. I just wish he’d consider how it might affect me. I have to live with him, and he’s starting to cramp my style. But it’s not like I can say anything. I just have to sit there in silence, while he eats and eats, grows and grows, piling on pound after excess pound. And the way he eats, moaning and licking and slurping… it’s downright pornographic.

250 starts to feel like a lowball as the months go by. He’s pushing me to my limits without even realizing it. I’ve never had to deal with a guy this fat before, a guy whose big, round bubble butt would hang over the side of even the most substantial chair. And I, personally, am not “substantial”. I’m pretty thin; it’s just how I was made. I thought Max was made that way, too.

I start trying to make my frustration known, but like I said, I can’t just come right out and say something. So I try a little subtlety; a small groan every now and then when he throws himself down at the dinner table for another round of hedonism. If he notices, he doesn’t care. He just keeps upping the ante.

And upping just about everything else: his pants size, his portion sizes, the size of his monster-truck ass and thunder thighs. They press together whenever he sits down, now, lard against blubber. Not like in the old days when his legs were lithe and lean. His moobs bulge against every tank top, his pudgy arms pack his sleeves, his love handles blossom over the top of every waistband like ripening tropical fruit.

In occasional moments of self-pity, I hazard a guess: how much does my man weigh now? 275 pounds? 300? Is he even trying to do something about it? Clearly not. He never works out anymore, unless you count working up a sweat over a third (or fourth, or fifth) slice of cheesecake. I honestly wonder if he’s doing it on purpose, just to spite me. Or test me. But I know that’s crazy—like I said, sometimes I truly doubt he even thinks about what it’s like for me.

But the problem is getting harder to ignore; he really throws his weight around these days. He heaves himself up off the couch. He rests a hand on the front of his bulging belly, barely restrained by some poor, threadbare top, back arching forward from the strain of it all (he’s not a tall guy, which makes his increasingly S-shaped silhouette even more pronounced). He trudges from the living room to the kitchen and drops himself in front of the table like an anvil. When he sits down, his ass, spilling out of some indecent pair of jean shorts, spreads out like lava blanketing some hapless Roman hamlet.

Some nights, I strain underneath him, feeling absolutely crushed by his sheer weight, boundless mass bearing down on me with the force of gravity. How big is he now? I wonder, as I listen to him moan and groan with pleasure. 325? 350? Could he really have gained over 200 pounds? How could he not realize what he’s doing to himself—what he’s doing to me?

He’s just so oblivious. I don’t even recognize him anymore. I’ve been starting to make noises about how uncomfortable I am, how much I’m struggling with his extra weight. But, as always, it falls on deaf ears. His tight little butt has become a pair of vast, ponderous globes, his abs and lats and obliques are encased in a spare tire that belongs on an 18-wheeler, his tits bulge out and dangle towards his armpits. And he just. Keeps. Going. 

Keeps eating. Keeps gaining. Keeps expanding.

Things reach a boiling point before dinner one night. I can see him piling up the table, unboxing some outrageous quantity of food for his secret nightly mukbang. Well, secret except for the consequences, which anyone with eyes could notice. “There’s a man who likes his food” would be such a trite, vapid observation that it doesn’t even need saying. He doesn’t just “like” his food, he lives for his food. Food is practically a part of Max’s identity at this point.

He’s starting to lower his colossal ass to sit, and I can tell this is it. Tonight’s the night. Fuck it, I’m done. He’s well past 350 pounds, and that’s too much weight for me to handle.

Maybe he’ll appreciate me more when I’m not around. Hejdå, Max, it was nice knowing you! At least, it used to be.

~

Max sat on the floor, rolls of fat still wobbling from the jarring motion of his fall. His chair had been complaining for a while now—squeaking and groaning every time he sat down—but he hadn’t expected it to actually break. What a load of bullshit! He wasn’t even that fat!

He looked around at the splintered wood, soreness radiating across his ass—and not in a fun, post-fucking kind of way. At least his buttocks were nicely-padded. When he was bony, a slip on the ice hurt like all hell.

He was glad he was alone, or this would have been super embarrassing. At least no one was around to see him smash that chair like a pro-wrestler in a grudge match. He knew he’d been overdoing it, but this wasn’t his fault. How could it be, surely he wasn’t that big? Just a little out of shape, in need of a few good workouts to shed some winter weight. It was just the cheap IKEA furniture he bought.

With a grunt, he started the process of heaving his monumental form to a stand. As he started to gather his momentum, he glanced at the ruined seat and frowned. He actually liked that chair. It was pretty comfortable.

At least, it used to be.

(Author’s Note: don’t forget to rotate your dining chairs!)

[no-s-estelle]

I've been gnawing on The Librarians like a dog on a bone ever since I finished the series a few weeks ago, and now I have Thoughts:

I hope the new show explores more of the library's history and the magical universe around the library. There's so much potential for Lore there, and so many implications the show never touched on. The library's existed for over 2000 years, but all the Librarians we see are white Europeans/Americans? (Besides Ezekiel) Technically Charlene and Judson as the original Guardian and Librarian must have been ancient Roman, Greek, Egyptian maybe, but that was never explored. The library went from Alexandria to the New York Metropolitan Library? Where was it in the interim? It could have literally been anywhere in the world! Show me the library in tsarist Russia, or Edo Japan, or the Incan empire. Or at least mention that the library spent time anchored there. You have 2000 years of history to play with, ffs.

And then in the earlier seasons the show implied the existence of a whole magical society, and then barely did anything with it. Show me how the library as an institution impacts the magical world, beyond just collecting and locking away artifacts! Give me more librarians mediating disputes between pissed off dragons, except we don't have the CGI budget for actual dragons so they're just guys in fancy suits! What happened with the lake forum??? I kept waiting for that to be a bigger storyline, and it never went anywhere, even though Cassandra kept using magic. It felt like an unfired Chekhov's gun. Just. Just give me lore, please.

From press releases, it looks like the new show is going to at least start off in Serbia? Or just generic Central Europe? So I'm interested in what they do with that. Idk, I mostly want them to really lean in to the world-wide storytelling potential, even if they shoot it all in Oregon. I believed the same one forest in British Columbia was 50 different alien planets for Stargate; I'll believe Oregon is China or Japan or West Africa or wherever they want me to believe it is.

[crazyforkasey-blog]

when we met

Chapter 7

Hey Dani wait up" Talbert called after Dani, she was on her way to the tent,

After Lipton's announcement last night, the 506th had packed up and at 0700, the trucks departed from Membury, where they were now awaiting their new orders.

"So what do you think this is all about" Talbert asked

"Well I already know, I was briefed this morning upon arrival, while you guys were bitching about having to pack all your gear again" Dani said

The tent was jammed pack and Talbert slid down on a seat next to Luz and Grant,

"Did you get her to talk" Luz asked

"No nothing" Talbert said

The three men had hoped to get a head start on the whole operation.

Mia in the back holding hands with Lipton, Katie was standing out to the side with a cup of coffee in her hand, she had that look on her face, the one she got, when she knew something wasn't right. Dani joined them and the rest of the medical staff

Dani caught Katie's eyes and lifted her eyebrow, as to ask if everything was alright, they had been doing that since school; Katie just shook her head and motioned towards Winters.

Dani looked at Winters, he looked calm, but had a stern look on his face, like he wasn't sure about the operation, like he knew something was off; he had kept asking Nixon this morning if they were absolutely sure about the Intel, like he had a feeling it sounded too easy.

Nixon had insisted it was good Intel and that they shouldn't worry.

Lane backed him up; they had gotten the Intel fresh from the Dutch resistance, who had proven absolutely dependable before.

Winters started to brief the company about their new mission

"As you can see, this is called Operation Market-Garden, Market being the airborne operation and Market the ground operation, in terms of airborne divisions involved, this is even bigger than Normandy. We are dropping deep into occupied Holland, the allied objective is to take this road here between Arnhem and Eindhoven, and so the two British armored units can move up toward Arnhem. Our job is going to be to liberate Eindhoven, stay there and wait for the tanks" Winters said and when he finished Lane took over.

"The entire European advance has been put on hold to relocate resources for this operation, it's Montgomery's personal plan, we will be under British Command" Lane said.

There was a lot of moaning and complaining,

At this point Nixon took over "The good news is, if this works, these tanks will be over the Rhine into Germany that could end the war and get us home by Christmas. It will be a day time jump, Intelligence doesn't expect much opposition, they think the krauts in Holland are mostly old men and kids, and we should take them by surprise. In any case say goodbye to England, I don't think they are going to call this one of" he said

The men started to pile out of the tent after the briefing ended; the officers lingered around and went over the operation one more time, just to be absolutely sure they were prepared for whatever could happen.

Katie,Mia and Dani headed back to the Hospital to gather supplies.

"I don't know about this operation, so pack up all the supplies you can scrounge" Katie said

She had to go and finish some paperwork, and to make sure everything was in order back at the hospital, before she could leave England with a clear conscience.

Mia and Dani packed up whatever they could get her hands on, and whatever they knew they could jump with, they packed up stuff for Roe and Spina as well, they were out among the men making sure everybody was in shape to jump.

After finishing up at the aid station Mia went and searched for Lipton, she needed him to tell her everything would be alright, after working with Katie all day, who kept mumbling that she just knew this would fall on its ass, she needed someone who wasn't so negative.

She found him in his tent with Welsh and Buck; they were going over the objective for the platoons.

Lipton motioned for her to come and sit down next to him, he pulled her close "you ok" he asked

"Yeah, just a little… I don't know, I still don't want to move out again, but I will follow you boys anywhere" Mia whispered to Lipton

"I know, it will be fine" Lipton said and that was all Mia needed to hear

She smiled at Lip, the guys talked for hours and Mia eventually fell asleep, she was woken by Lipton, "Mia you need to find your own bed" Lipton said

Mia looked at him she didn't really want to, but she got up and kissed him and went back to the aid station to crash, on the way there she ran into Dani and Speirs, who was heading in the opposite direction, they looked happy, she thought to herself, but knowing the tempers of the two lieutenants it wouldn't last.

The next morning the Easy company veterans were bustling around and teaching the replacement how to be ready to fight after the jump. Suddenly Bull stopped and looked around, a jeep with Popeye in the back and Sobel in the driver's seat was pulling up on the air strip

As he drove by, the Toccoa men and women stopped smiling and just looked at him, the jeep stopped and Sobel got out. He pulled down his uniform jacket and walked around the supply truck that was tailing him, it had Malarkey's motorcycle in the back.

Dani looked at Bull "what is he doing here?" she said

"I don't know" he said

Popeye jumped down from the jeep and Lipton walked up to him, trailed by a smiling Mia, who had treated Popeye in Normandy, "Did they let you out of the hospital like that boy" Lipton asked and laughed

"They didn't let me out, I busted out, I didn't wanted get reassigned to some other unit" Popeye said

"Can you make the jump?" Mia asked

"Yeah I can make the jump, I just can't sit" Popeye said

"Welcome back Popeye" Randleman said

"Popeye went AWOL just in time to jump" Lipton said

"Better not let lieutenant Hunt know" Mia said and hugged Popeye

Bull pointed to Sobel and asked "What is he doing here?"

"Sobel, he is the newly appointed regimental S4" Mia said

"Supply officer" Bull said

"Yeah you got it" Lipton said

"He picked me up in Aldbourne, trying to find you guys" Popeye said

"He know you went AWOL" Bull asked

"He knows, he just said I was lucky, I could sit out this jump if I wanted, I said I didn't wanted to, so he said hop in" Popeye said

"Hop in" Bull repeated

"I know, I couldn't believe it either, maybe he is going to court martial me later" Popeye said.

Lip slapped him on the back of the head and they headed off to find Popeye some gear.

Mia was looking after the two of them with a big smile on her face; she knew Dani would be happy to see a familiar face in her stick.

Moore walked over to Malarkey "Hey mal look there" he said and gestured towards the supply truck, which had their bike in it.

Malarkey turned around and mouthed the son of a bitch.

Sobel noticed him right away and called out "Malarkey, sergeant Malarkey"

Malarkey saluted Sobel, who turned around and looked at the bike "You thought you got away with it?" Sobel asked him

"What do you mean sir?" Malarkey looked at Sobel like he had no idea what he was talking about.

Sobel stared at Malarkey "Sergeant, that Motorcycle is United States army property that may not mean anything to you, but that means something to me, where did you find it?" Sobel asked

"That's him alright" Bull said, he was looking at Sobel chewing out Malarkey for stealing the motorcycle.

Sergeant Martin was having troubles with a lieutenant who was jumpmaster on his plane, he kept telling him to tap his leg once the green lights came on, and Martin kept telling him, he would be right next to the light.

Mia called Martin over " Hey Martin, the lieutenant is color blind, cut him some slack and just do as he asks" Mia said

Martin looked at the lieutenant "Ok if you say so" he said and walked over to the lieutenant and told him he would do as he asked.

Occupied Holland September 17

It was a beautiful end of summer day and the daytime jump went smoothly for everyone. The biggest problem was getting off the DZ, so they wouldn't get hit by falling equipment and gliders.

The March order had Dog Company in the lead with Easy, HQ and Fox following them.

Welsh and Peacock had points with first platoon, followed by Buck and second and then Shames and third.

Mia, Dani and Katie were tracking behind with the rest of the medical personnel between Easy and HQ. Katie was happy it gave her some time with Dick, even if they couldn't talk much, just being near him was a welcome change.

They were heading down the road towards Son; the residents in the town were happy to be liberated and were flying the royal orange flag.

They handed out fruits and beers to the soldiers. Lane got many strange looks. The Dutch were not expecting to see women with the Yanks.

Lane was walking next to Winters "Do you think all the Dutch will be this happy to see us" She asked him

"I hope so, let's see if the whole operation goes smoothly," Winters said.

About a kilometer from the bridge they were supposed to secure, the column was fired upon by a German 88 and a machine gun. When the fire started Lane felt herself pushed to the ground, by Winters "Stay down", he said

As soon as she felt it was secure, Lane got up and ran towards battalion HQ, to find out what was going on.

"Nix what's going on?" Lane yelled over the firing rifles and exploding mortar shells.

"The Germans are trying to delay us, so the engineers have time to prep for demolition of the bridge" Nix said

As predicted when they were 25 meters from the bridge it blew in their faces.

Lane, who was in front with the first platoon, was slung to the ground, there was a hail of debris raining down over her and she felt a sharp pain in her back, and everything went black.

Katie ran up to her and poured sulfa on the wound, she noticed a piece of debris in Lane's back, she bandaged it up and sent Lane back to the impromptu aid station, a lot of men had been hit by pieces of debris from the bridge.

Nixon was running around like a crazy person, the Intel provided for them was obviously wrong, and he was trying to straighten the rumors from fact.

Lane woke up in the aid station "What the hell happened?" She moaned when she came through

"Hey welcome back, you took a piece of bridge in your shoulder and got knocked out when some debris hit you in the head," Mia said

"You needed some stitches, and you are going to be sore for a while, other than that you will be fine, which we have been trying to tell your man, and here he comes again," Mia said and stepped away from Lane.

Nixon barged through the door "Oh thank god you are ok, you scared me good out there" Nixon said

He walked over, took her hand in his, he searched her face, he had been scared out of his mind when he saw her go down, hit by the debris from the bridge, he looked at her "I can't stay, are you sure you are ok?" He asked

"I will be fine just fine; it's you I am worried about. You look like shit" Lane said

She turned to Mia "Is this going to take me out or what?" She asked her

"You will be fine, Katie removed the debris and I stitched you up" Mia said

"besides, the guards armored Division has been held up south of Eindhoven, and we need every man and women out there, just take it easy ok" Mia said

"Ok, let me get out of here then" Lane said

"Here, I scrounged you up a clean shirt," Mia said

Lane walked out of the barn and the first person she ran into was flustered Dani "I just heard, are you ok?" She asked her

"I am fine, now let's get this show on the road" Lane said

That night the girls got together and bunked down in the aid station, it didn't take long for Nixon, Speirs, Lipton and Winters to show up there.

There wasn't a lot of talking going on. Lane and Nixon kept going over the Intel trying to find out where the misinformation had come from, and what source had been wrong and what they could expect going forward.

Speirs had lost a man, and had overheard Luz telling Talbert about Dani's strange behavior before the jump. Winters and Katie were talking about how things had gone and how many wounded and killed had come through the aid station.

Mia and Lipton were just making conversation and Dani was staring into space, wondering if she would ever be able to let go of what had happened to her on D Day, it had come barreling back to her after the bridge blew in their face.

The next morning the march continued, Lane was in a Jeep with Strayer and Nixon, the column stopped and Sink spread his regiment, with second battalion on the left.

Lane stood up in the back and looked at the reason why the column had stopped, when she saw Lieutenant Brewer standing in the middle of the road, with his binoculars and Map case at his side.

Randleman looked up and started to yell at the lieutenant, Winters was screaming in the radio "get back, get back, drop back" Brewer never responded

A shot rang out and Brewer fell to the ground, he was hit just below the jaw line. The entire battalion took cover in the ditches

Mia ran to Brewer, and she was immediately hit in the knee, and then in the thigh. Roe came running up to them. Mia was bandaging herself and after she finished she dragged herself back in the ditch, where somebody hooked her up with a shot of morphine.

The next thing she knew, she was at the aid station, Katie and Dani were working on Brewer and when they had him stabilized, they came over to look at Mia.

"You do know they have medics in Easy company right?" Katie said with a stern look at Mia.

"Yes Ma'am, but I was the closest one to the lieutenant" Mia said

"Well, next time you leave it to Roe or another medic, got it?" Katie said

She felt like she had to be stern with Mia, she couldn't risk losing a good combat nurse.

"captain, please don't send me back to England" Mia said

"Well you really should, but if you behave and nothing gets infected you can stay with the aid station" Katie said.

The 506th entered Eindhoven and the whole town was filled with happy Dutchmen and women, the hardest part was driving the men through town.

The officers were screaming "keep moving, keep moving", but it was impossible. The men were offered food and shots of brandy and the women were kissing them, a big busted lady had gotten a hold of Perconte and was squeezing him hard, with her bosom.

Luz ran up to Dani "See all these happy people, the girls are real eager to kiss the guys how about a kiss for a lonely soldier," Luz said with a smirk

Dani looked at him "Ok one little kiss, Luz and it's the last one," Dani said

Just as Luz leaned in to get his kiss, he felt a hand on his forehead and looked into a pair of ice-cold eyes "Keep moving soldier," Speirs said.

Dani was about to pee herself, the look on Luz face was priceless.

Shrugging, Luz moved on "The only one, who gets a kiss from you, is me" Speirs said and pulled Dani in for a long and tender kiss.

He had missed her, he had missed kissing her like that, and Speirs put his helmet back on and moved on.

A young woman grabbed a hold of Speirs and kissed him; Dani just looked at him and felt like she just got a punch in her stomach, when she saw the happy smile on his face.

Dani gave him a cold look and stalked off.

Meeting up with Welsh, Nixon, Winters, and Lane.

Buck met up with them "What's up Welshie" He said

"Snipers" Welsh said

The officers all covered up their insignias; you never knew where the snipers were.

The officers came across a crowd, who were clapping and shouting. They realized it was the resistance, shaving the hair off some women.

"What the heck is going on?" Welsh asked

"It's the women who slept with the Germans, they are lucky, the men got shot," Lane said.

"We need to move on, get the men and move on," Winters said.

Late that afternoon the Brits finally showed up, they set up housekeeping and proceeded to make tea.

Lane was shaking her head at them. Her and Nixon was a little outraged that they didn't have any urge to keep moving on to Nijmegen,

Around dinnertime, the rest of the British arrived and the 506th initial task was over.

The battalion spent the night In hastily dug Foxholes, Lane was sharing with Nixon, she wasn't there a whole lot, she spent most of the night walking the line, her shoulder hurt and she wasn't about to complain, she could take it.

The next day they continued towards Nuenen, Webster made a crack about, that is where Van Gogh was from.

Just out of Nuenen, they once again encountered enemy fire.

Lane was standing in the back of a jeep, watching the men fight, once again cursing the faulty Intel

The replacements jumped into the ditch, and the platoon leaders had a hard time getting them moving. Randleman had to scream at the men that they needed to move, because they were firing at stationary targets.

They got the platoons moving and they ran towards town.

The entire company ran into town, there were Germans and burning equipment everywhere, Dani had her Mortar squad set up ready to fire.

Martin and Bull noticed a hidden tiger. Martin flagged down the British tank commander and told him about the tank, he just told him, he was ordered not to do any unnecessary property damage, and refused to put a couple of shells through the house the tiger was hidden behind.

The tiger shot up the British tank, and in the end Easy and the rest of the Companies had to retreat, while retreating Bull got cut off from the rest of the company.

Compton was hit in the butt and the men dragged him back towards the trucks on a barn door, he kept telling them to leave him for the Germans, but the men refused.

The battalion fell back, just when they were about to move out Gordon and Strohl came running towards the column, they jumped a fence and climbed on board a truck.

Winters, Lane, McMillan and Nixon were heading towards Battalion HQ, they could hear Colonel Strayer and his staff laughing in there.

"What the hell do they have to laugh about?" Lane said

"I don't know, but whatever it is, it's about to end" Winters said

The officers entered the HQ; Strayer turned to Winters and McMillan and asked how they did today.

"Well we took a hell of a licking, and Easy lost fifteen men, and Dog about the same" Winters said.

Lane grabbed a cup of coffee and walked outside, she was looking up at the sky, and she was watching the Germans bombing Eindhoven and the British Supply convoy.

She felt some beside her, Welsh and Peacock was standing besides looking at the same inferno; "Guess they won't be greeting us with orange flags tomorrow" Welsh said and walked off.

September 22 1944

The Battalion got orders to move towards Uden; Lane was busy setting up CP and road blocks. Winters had delegated the task of setting up first platoons roadblock to Welsh.

Katie had a chance to spend the evening with Winters, they had decided to check on the road blocks. The British tank was right where it should be and so was the roadblock, but there were no soldiers to be found anywhere. There was a manor on one side of the road and a tavern on the other side.

"Where the heck is everybody?" Katie asked Winters

"I don't know, but we are about to find out," Winters said and ran over to the manor and knocked on the door.

Katie reached manor just as the maid opened the door.

They somehow made it clear to the maid, they wanted to see a soldier.

The maid led them down a hall to a large lavish furnished living room. Sitting on the floor in front of a blazing fire, was a beautiful Dutch girl sharing dinner with a British lieutenant, he turned his head and looked at the two officers "is my tank still outside?" he asked them

Katie got angrier than she had been in all her life, she walked over and grabbed the lieutenant by the ear, and she pulled him to his feet and dragged him outside.

"When you address an officer you say ma'am or sir" Katie said, pushing the lieutenant down the street towards his tank.

"Now you set that roadblock up, or I will make sure you don't have kids and I am a surgeon, I can make it happen" Katie yelled at the lieutenant.

The British lieutenant looked at Winters, who just shrugged.

Both men were a little surprised by the choice of words.

"Let's go find Welsh" Katie said and walked towards the tavern, she was pretty sure that was where they would find first platoon.

And just as they thought, they found Welsh and first platoon sacked out on the bar, Katie got even more pissed off, she looked over at Winters who just signaled go ahead.

"WELSH, GET THE FUCK UP, YOU SLEEPING FUCKER" Katie yelled

Welsh shot up from his spot on the bar and fell down on the floor and Katie grabbed him by the ear and dragged him outside, "now, set up the freaking road block," Katie said

Welsh nodded and Katie stalked off to yell at the sleeping men.

Winters and Welsh could hear Katie yelling at the men threatening them with everything under the moon, something about lining them up against the wall and shooting them.

They could hear the men mumbling something and then laughter. Katie came out smiling and headed towards Winters and Welsh "All taken care of," she said

Welsh looked at Winters "I think Sparky is right, she is the scary one" he said

Winters looked at him "Just be glad she didn't shoot you between the eyes, are we clear on the road block Harry" Winters said

"Yes, crystal," Harry said.

Second battalion caught up with each other in Uden. Dani was searching for Speirs in the crowd of soldiers, praying he wasn't hurt. She couldn't find him anywhere, she was starting to panic, when she felt a pair of hands grab her by her waist, she turned around and looked at Speirs she let out a breath and hugged him, he just smiled Whispered and walked away.

Dani looked after him and went out to find Winters, she wanted to know how the rest of the company was doing, and she found him at the CP.

"Good you are here" Colonel Sink said.

Lane had been called to the CP, she went over and stood close to Nixon.

"What's going on" Lane asked Nixon

"We are taking Veghel and moving south" Colonel Sink informed them and continued to explain the mission.

—--------------------------------------------------------------

Lane was observing the attack from behind to parked Jeeps.

Nixon was standing beside her, they were hoping everything would go smooth, and then suddenly Lane heard a loud ping and noticed Nixon had hit the deck.

Lane and Winters were on him immediately "Oh god Lew are you ok" Lane said

"Yeah I am fine, I am ok, am I ok? Stop looking at me like that" Lew said.

Nixon had been hit by a bullet that went through his helmet, but only left a burn mark on his forehead.

The men got loaded into the back of trucks and the battalion retreated, while watching the men get back on the trucks Winters looked at Nix "I hate retreating," Winters said

"There a first time for everything" Nixon said

"How are the other divisions faring up north?" Winters asked

Lane was walking by. She just looked straight ahead, "I think we have to find a new way into Germany" she said and walked by.

[dark-bear-productions]

Oh I am very interested in anything you have to offer! Dutch food is one of my least known European cuisines, so I'll take anything 👀

Alright, let’s go over a few quintessentially Dutch dishes. I got this question when I mentioned hutspot, so let's start there. Hutspot has its own Wikipedia page, featuring this pic:

It's boiled potato, carrot, and onion mashed together. Wikipedia tells me its served with klapstuk, which is apparently a cut of beef from the ribs. To my knowledge I've never had that, but my parents used to serve their hutspot with hachée, which is a thick beef, onion (and apparently apple?), and herb stew, so that's pretty close I think. Hachée looks like this:

Keeping in line with this tradition of smashing potatoes and boiled vegetables together, our national dish is boerenkoolstamppot (like German, Dutch enjoys stitching words together; it means kale mash, basically). This looks thus:

As you can tell, the real star of the dish is the sausage. It's rookworst -- smoke sausage --; meat, spices and salt smoked in a horse shoe-shaped casing. I just learned that these were traditionally made in November, the Slaughter Month, which happens to be when kale is harvested, leading to this classic combo.

(By the way: keep in mind The Netherlands didn't have potatoes until the 16th Century. I'm not sure what we did with boerenkool, but hutspot was made with parsnips instead of potatoes.)

On the subject of making interesting sausages: the Dutch looove their fries (usually the thick kind, with mayo), and the best way to eat those is with either a frikandel or a kroket. A frikandel is mincemeat with spices, looking like this:

A kroket is essentially a thick ragout rolled in breading, looking like this (both sausages are popular on bread, too):

While we're talking about food from the snackbar, let’s talk about my favourite junkfood: frietje oorlog (literally war fries, but it means messy fries). These are fries served with mayo, raw onions, and saté, an Indonesian peanut sauce:

Note that having this is fully a result of colonialism. Indeed, the Indonesian rice table is official Dutch cultural heritage. But that's insane to me, so instead I'll use the raw onions to talk about Hollandse Nieuwe (Hollandish New One):

This is herring caught and sold at a specific time of year, eaten gutted, deboned, and decapitated but otherwise raw, with raw onions.

Now, as a final mention before I need to get up, let’s talk sweets. We Dutch love our pastries and cookies, and there's an absolute mass of local and regional cakes and waffles and what have you, but one sweet that actually serves as dinner is the Dutch pancakes:

They're thicker than crepes (and in a restaurant much bigger and thicker than the ones in this picture I got online), but they really are just flour, milk, and eggs fried in a frying pan. They're traditionally eaten with a very dark sugar syrup and powdered sugar, but people put on lots of stuff. A very popular variation has raisins and/or apple slices added in the pan before the batter to have them sit *in* the pancake. Another adds young cow's cheese and folds the pancake like a calzone, yet another fries bacon and pours batter over top. But the main take is that a sweet dinner isn't unusual in The Netherlands.

Alright, I believe these are our biggest hits. There's a bunch more, of course, including regional stuff and things influenced by former colonies, immigrants, etc. But these are some very very Dutch dishes that I have had very very often. Hope you enjoyed the read! Feel free to ask questions.

[faithinchances]

Hello hello! I’m just here to knock on your door because I saw your tags on the ‘Jamie’s post-s3 career path’ poll and I really enjoyed them! (And didn’t want to clog up the notes of someone else’s poll about it)

If you ever wanted to share more in detail about any of these options, I’d love to know more! I am also delighted by the concept of Jamie moving to Leverkusen and ending up under Xabi Alonso, but Barca and Liverpool also have my interest.

No rush or expectations on answering this whatsoever. Just if you ever do feel like sharing, I would love to hear more.

Hm. So Leverkeusen is the option I know the least about and Xabi Alonso is 100% of the reason I put that as an option; he started at Leverkeusen in 2022, which is also when s3 ends, which means they would arrive at the same time. Xabi himself is a midfield legend for Liverpool with a famously amazing first touch, and Jamie also has an amazing first touch.

I am very much hoping (delusionally) that Xabi will end up at Liverpool next year, I think that would be poetic and fun and he seems like a really good coach, but on the subject of Liverpool and coaches: Jurgen Klopp.

He's probably a bigger inspiration for Ted than Pep is.

Pep is a brilliant tactician, deeply passionate, absolutely nuts, always losing it on the sidelines, whereas Klopp at least once forced his team to celebrate losing a final, ie, forced them to celebrate getting to a final even if the result wasn't what they wanted. I just watched the TAA interview with Gary Neville, and he also apparently doesn't focus on winning or losing, just wants Liverpool to be the hardest team to beat because they work so hard. All very Ted.

Except that crucially, Klopp is ALSO a brilliant tactician (he's no Pep, but he's no slouch either), meaning that he's like Ted except competent, passionate, and outwardly caring (sorry Ted), thereby making him perfect for Jamie.

Liverpool also run a very high press that I think Jamie would enjoy, and being in Liverpool would get him closer to home (he could totally drive home for dinner, it's only about an hour) while still keeping some space, which I think he would appreciate. I can see Georgie being a little overbearing when Jamie's in a less needy mood. And, of course, Liverpool also typically make European competition and are regular title contenders.

Assuming he went there in 2022, he would also get a whole year under Jordan Henderson, who we can go ahead and consider being like Roy, except that he's less talented, a better captain, and actually from Sunderland (I've seen it hypothesized that Roy is a reskinned Hendo). And I want to know what would happen if he and Darwin were on the pitch together (Darwin was Liverpool's big signing that summer, realistically Jamie would replace him, but I don't care) (Darwin is notoriously chaotic, a striker with dubious talent in finishing, but also an extremely hard-worker and he takes more chances than most, so his low conversion rate is expected). Also I think Jamie would have a bit of a crush on VVD and that would be funny and cute.

The Barca route is also very fun, and not even because Messi (he had already left at this point). It's basically only possible if Jamie's Richmond contract was up at the end of s3, Barca could never afford our boy otherwise. I've heard it said that true fans of the sport of football will pick Barcelona to watch over any other team (provided theirs isn't playing), and Jamie is nothing if not a fan of football.

They were also at their height when Jamie was a young teenager, a time period when I think he would have had the most time to watch while having already developed an immense interest in it. He would have watched Messi, of course, but also Xavi, Iniesta, and Busquets, who made up a midfield dynasty that I know no comparison for. They are all technically gifted, and two of those last three were still at Barca for the 22/23 season. Xavi coached the team, and Busi was captain.

And then also at this time, Barca were bringing up a new crop of very exciting youngsters, most notably Gavi and Pedri. Jamie is a few years older than them, but I think it would be fun for him to be a role model for a couple of ludicrously talented barely-adults. He would not know what to do with himself.

I also think Jamie is maybe better suited for football abroad? Like he's very salt of the earth, "I work hard, yeah," but he also has this incredible swagger. How to use my limited knowledge to explain this. Spanish football culture seems to be less humble? More flamboyant? Like English football is full of a bunch of guys who are Just Some Dude. Harry Kane, Gary Neville, and in TL, also Roy. Jordan Henderson is PEAK some dude energy. Spanish football invented the term "Galactico" for its superstars.

I just think Jamie would love doing a little dance with his teammates after scoring.

[nimdreams]

I have been thinking about starting to share more on here, besides the bigger essays that I share on my other socials as well. Maybe some of the daily thoughts I have about my alterhumanity. I might also want to share more about my current 'types as I settle into them, like a post with what I look like as each.

Today I wanted to give a little overview of the main labels I am using now. In my last update, I mentioned going back to Golden Retriever therian instead of dog cambitherian and I have been feeling incredibly happy calling myself a Golden again. I hope I can stop going back and forth, which I mostly do out of insecurity and shame, and embrace my golden-self fully. I would still say that I do not identify as a golden retriever fully, but partially, which still falls under therianthropy, but maybe one day I will feel safe enough with who I am to stop calling it partially.

I also mentioned my dream self in my last update, an identity that I have labeled as voidling since. I know that in dreams I am mostly made of void, and am a part of the void. This happened through corruption by using too much chaos magic. Sometimes when I am awake, I yearn to reach out and touch the chaos magic, drink it in, let it completely fill me, and then direct it to work for me. Magic is supposed to run through my veins and I miss it when I am not dreaming.

My other kintype is Vulpecula, the constellation. This identity is a celestial fox spirit and part of the celestial realm. Where voidling is what I am in dreams, Vulpecula is what I am in my imagination and fantasies. I don't actively make up any noemata, it comes to me naturally. Everything that feels right, makes sense to me, and that I experience that doesn't fit my other identities. Such as being an eidolon/summon that I have talked about a couple of times before, is part of this identity. I have also been able to divide abilties I have in dreams, as well as abilities that I feel like I should have awake, over my two kintypes. Light and celestial magic is fully tied to being Vulpecula for me. Where voidling is something I have been becoming in dreams my entire life, Vulpecula is a newer identity that has been forming these past few years. All my feelings related to stars that popped up in those years, as well as fox feelings I have had since I was at least 10 years old, are combined into Vulpecula.

Lastly, I have been questioning hares since 2019 and have used theriotype, tried to link mountain hares, and tried archetrope, and folcintera, as well as trying out rabbit instead, but right now I think European hare folcintera is the best label. For me, that is a combination of both therianthropy and archetropy, which means I also have exemplars (an archetrope term) for this 'type. Even though I relate to both white and brown fur, which fits the mountain hare, as a hare I am incredibly connected to my country, the Netherlands, and a biome found in my country, heathland. I also have Dutch wildlife in general as a paratype for hare. Which is why I call myself a European hare, and I connect to both normal and albino coloring. European hare just really clicks for me, even if I find mountain hares more interesting.

I will also briefly mention what I posted about recently, how I see my body as physically fae. I don't want to go into it much yet still though.

Lastly I still identify as the Dreamer archetrope, for which I also have a few exemplars. I also have some hearthomes, paratypes, anteatypes, and common forms I shapeshift into as a voidling shapeshifter, that I might go into some other time as well.

Thanks for reading and maybe you will hear from me sooner than normal. These posts will be simpler than my posts usually are. I will read over them, but not as much as I tend to do and there will only be little editing if at all. I am not sure yet how I want to tag them. Probably something else than "nim dreaming", to keep those for what I consider more essay type posts. "Nim musings" perhaps.

[thedanishsim]

CTJL Monaco 2023 - Part I

Twinbrook, Georgia, USA & Monte Carlo, Monaco, Europe - beginning of September 2023.

Mia looked around at the bags and suitcases. She had checked everything at least four or five times now, but somehow something still felt like it was missing. “Everything all right?” Her dad looked at her from the door into her office where everything was placed until the departure. “I think so," Mia answered. “You look worried.” “No, I’m fine. I just… I feel like I’m missing something.” Mia looked at him with a frustrated smile. Peter let out a little laugh and planted a hand on her shoulder. “Have you made a list? And checked everything off - twice?” Mia couldn’t help but smile. Her dad did in fact know her too well sometimes. “I did. But..” “Let me see it,” Peter smiled and held out a hand to take the list from Mia. She gave it to him and sat down on the couch standing against the window-wall. Peter looked at the list, “ah, yeah, I see what you are missing”. Mia looked up, “what?”. “Ballerine”. Peter laughed. Mia couldn’t help but start to laugh as well, “Ha ha, funny dad”. Peter smiled at his daughter and took place in the office chair behind Mia’s desk. “Everything is going to be alright, just remember to breathe and have fun. You got this, and Ballerine got this. That horse will always have your back, don’t forget that.” Mia smiled, slightly. Her dad was right. She worried about something that wasn’t even a thing to worry about - at least not right now.

The last few weeks had been a bit crazy for Mia. Everything that had happened with the new house, the renovation, the horses… right now it was just one big blur inside Mia’s head, and every time she tried to focus, the anxiety kicked in. Mia had looked forward to this for the last six months. Everything was planned to perfection, and she was more than ready to just go. At least if you asked everyone else than her. Mia had started on an intensive training-schedule with the help of Ryan, and so far Ballerine had been the best Mia had ever felt during training. Yesterday they had their last training with Ryan before the departure for Europe tomorrow. But something still felt wrong. She wasn’t ready. Not at all. It felt like everything had changed within only a few weeks. Ali had been gone all summer for a modeling job in New York and London, and a few years ago Ali had said that she would most likely stay in Europe for a few more months. Mia had been thrilled on Ali’s behalf, but since Ali often helped out with both Ellie and the horses, Mia suddenly had way too many things to do at once. But as if someone was watching over her, a familiar face had reached out to Mia to ask for her help - and to also help Mia out; Olive Taylor.

Mia had known Olive for almost 10 years, maybe even more. Olive had been best friends with Logan’s sister, and had always had a big interest in Mia’s riding career when Mia and Logan had been dating. Olive had the biggest love for horses that Mia had ever seen. It had always felt bigger than her own love for horses. At the same time, Olive had always looked up to Mia, seen her as her icon, and even though it had felt a bit weird and annoying to have a thirteen year old trying to be you, Mia had always cared for Olive and their common interest for horses. Olive had reached out after returning to the States a few months ago. She had been working and living in Europe the last few years as a mix of an au pair and a groom with an european dressage rider. Now she was back in the States, in need of a job and a hope to get into riding again - how perfect could it be? 

Mia had invited Olive to Twinbrook a few weeks ago to catch up and have a talk about how Olive looked at her future. Olive had taken the first flight out of New York and arrived the next day. The two girls had a good time catching up, and after a few days - and a talk and some advice from her parents - Mia had offered Olive to be her ‘assistant��, which meant helping out with the horses and with Ellie. Olive had returned to New York to pack up her stuff and had started working for Mia the next week. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

“Dinner is almost ready.” Mia looked up from the couch. She had been sitting in the office for the last couple of hours, first talking to her dad, and then going through every single thing once again. It had ended up with her falling asleep on the couch. Her mom smiled from the door and right behind her was the sound of a happy, light giggle. “Mommy, Uni!” Ellie came running in with her favorite teddy in her hands. Of course! Uni is the missing piece! Mia thought right away when looking at the Unicorn-teddy. Mia smiled at Ellie. “Come on you, let’s go.” Ellie giggled and ran out of the office again with Mia and Anne following along. Peter was about to get the last few things done before they could all sit down and eat together, just as planned, and just as they all loved to do.

The next morning Mia and Anne arrived at the stable early - and for one of the first times also before Ryan who normally always arrived first. Mia went in and started to get everything out into the horse truck. Some of the horses started to make a fuzz but quickly realized that Mia wasn’t going to bring them their breakfast. Soon after both Ryan and the stablehand arrived. “Are you ready to go?” Ryan quickly asked before starting to get the first horse of the day ready. “Yep, all set. I just need to get Ballerine ready and then we are off.” “Text me when you get there, so I know the flight went well for her”. Mia smiled and rolled her eyes at him when he turned around and went into the tack room, “I saw that”. Mia let out a laugh and grabbed the shipping boots and the halter outside Ballerine’s stall. “Hey you, are you ready to go?” She reached into her pocket and gave Ballerine one of the snacks she had put in there. Ballerine turned around towards her with her ears pointed forward and slowly took the treat from Mia’s reach-out-palm. “Good girl.” Mia placed the halter on Ballerine and started to place the shipping boots on the mare’s legs. She gave Ballerine a pet on the neck and a kiss on her pink nose. “You are the best girl, you know that right?” She hugged the mare and went out the stall to do the last check before it was time to load Ballerine into the truck with the help from her mom.

At exactly 7:30 am Mia and Anne left O’Neil Equestrian with Ballerine loaded in the truck. A  seven hour trip to Miami has started. The plan was all set for the next few days; Today Mia and Olive would drive Ballerine to Miami International Airport, which was one of four places in the US that was specialized in transporting horses by flight. After dropping off Ballerine, the girls would go back to Twinbrook, and tomorrow Peter would take Anne, Mia and Ellie to the Bridgeport International Airport where the three girls would be flying to Charles de Gaulle Airport in Paris, and from there to Nice, France, where a car from the hotel they were staying at would be waiting for them to go to Monaco. The trip for Ballerine was a bit longer, since she would be flying from Miami to Frankfurt, Germany, and from there be loaded on a truck with other horses from the US which were going to compete at the same event as Mia and Ballerine. The flight from Bridgeport to Nice would take approximately 11 hours. Mia and Anne had planned to fly at night, mostly to make it easier for Ellie. Peter would go back to New York during the two weeks the girls would be away, and Olive would take care of everything back home in Twinbrook.

Olive had offered to join Mia on the trip to Miami, which also meant that the other horses were given a day off. Olive had been helping Mia with some light work with the horses, mostly groundwork and some light training or hacking out. Mia had been a bit nervous in the beginning, but it was very clear that Olive enjoyed the grooming and getting the horses ready for Mia to train. Olive was a big help, and she was such a sweet girl. Mia could see a lot of herself in Olive, which was a little scary, but also very nice to have an unspoken connection to someone who somehow always understood what you meant or wanted to do. The two girls had a lot of fun on the drive down to Miami. They only had one stop to check up on Ballerine. Arriving at the airport, they were met by a member of the company who was responsible for the care-taking of Ballerine during the flight and transportation to Monaco. Mia had been using the same company for the last 14 years - and somehow she always was able to get the same ‘groom’ to take care of her horse. “Hey Ben! Thank you so much for this again!” Mia had a big smile on her face when getting out of the truck. “No worries!" The man in front of her gave her a big hug and went on to help unboarding Ballerine from the truck. Mia had known Ben since the first time she had gone to Europe with a horse - at that time it was O’Malley. O’Malley had never really been a huge fan of the Europe-trips, but Ben had always had a calm and positive influence on the big horse, and Mia felt more than comfortable to leave Ballerine in Ben’s care. “Hello beautiful,” Ben went into Ballerine and took charge of everything from there. “I will keep in touch with you for every step. Right now it looks like we will arrive in Monaco on Sunday morning and have her installed at the show ground for you” Ben told while leading Ballerine into the departure stables. The flight was scheduled for tomorrow noon, Friday the 1st of September. The show in Monaco wasn’t going to start before Sunday the 10th of September. That gave Mia and Ballerine a week to settle in and hopefully get over the worst part of the jetlag. “Great! I’m arriving in Monaco Saturday evening with my mom, so I think we will be there when you arrive,” Mia smiled..

After unpacking the truck and closing up, Mia and Olive made a last check on Ballerine, and then headed back for the seven hour drive back to Twinbrook.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

The flight from Bridgeport to Nice felt faster than it really was. Ellie had been such a star on the flight and had just fallen asleep shortly after take-off. Mia had always loved flying, some of the joy about it may come from flying First Class. After having Ellie she had started to feel the looks from the other passengers at the gate and when boarding - those looks that said ‘great, a crying kid for the next 10 hours’ - Sure she had given them herself before she got Ellie - but Ellie had somehow got the same joy of flying as Mia had. Ellie loved it when she was awake and was just a big bundle of joy and giggles for the other passengers. And most of the time she was actually just sleeping. Arriving at Nice, Anne took care of their hand luggage and Ellie and Mia grabbed the suitcases from the baggage belt before heading out to the arrival hall. They were quickly met by a chauffeur that led them to their car and took care of the luggage. The Nice weather was lovely with a sunny sky and the Mediterranean late-summer feeling. The trip from the airport in Nice to the beautiful hotel in Monte Carlo took half an hour. The chauffeur was polite, asking what their business for their visit was. He seemed genuinely interested and excited in the show. It was a big event for the population of Monaco. Mia felt the nerves getting back, but after getting into their hotel room and starting to unpack, everything felt more comfortable again. 

Mia, Anne and Ellie spent most of the afternoon at the hotel pool before having dinner at the hotel. Ben had texted Mia earlier in the day that the flight had went very well, and that they would start on the drive to Monaco later in the evening. Mia, Anne and Ellie went to bed early so Mia could get to the showground before Ballerine arrived. The next morning Mia went over to the stable area - a short drive for only 10 minutes By foot it would take them approximately half an hour, since they could walk through some of the pedestrian areas of the town. Mia just arrived at the same time as the trucks started to roll into the area. Mia had been down here yesterday for a quick look and to collect their access passes, while Anne had taken care of Ellie. She had arranged that Anne and Ellie would come over later in the day, but for now she would have to take care of Ballerine.

The horses were quickly unboarded by the crew members and installed into their designated stalls in the many stable tents. A lot of the stalls were still empty but Mia was sure it was only a matter of time before they would all be filled within the next two or three days. Ballerine looked a bit tired of the long trip, but as always she had her ears pinned forward when Mia was near her. Mia quickly got everything set up - the stall curtain was hung on the front of the stall to give Ballerine some privacy. Mia changed Ballerine’s transportation-halter to one of her own, placed the show number on it, and led Ballerine outside for a walk. She had been standing still for lots of hours, so Mia had to make sure to have her out. The show ground was huge - multiple smaller arenas for warm up and training during the days, the big Main Arena with a fantastic view to Port Hercule right next to it, and lots of things to look at for the audience and VIPs. Ballerine was a bit tense but followed Mia as they walked around. It was a good decision to arrive a week before so Ballerine could get lots of time to settle into the surroundings and energy of the competition grounds. 

After having Ballerine out for an hour of hand-walk and grazing, Mia let Ballerine rest in her stall and met up with Anne and Ellie to take a better look at the showgrounds. This was most likely the biggest event Mia had been to during her short show jumping career. She had been to a lot of different competitions around Europe and the US with O’Malley, but something felt so different with this event. And the nerves? They had quickly changed to excitement. 

[ceviteen]

Between you and I (Lee Heeseung) PART ONE

partner: Heeseung x reader.

genre: classmate to lovers!au, fluff

warnings: pet names, hugs and kisses, reader has vagina and breasts, and things that have to do with fluff (I have no more ideas lmao). lmk if I missed something!!.

Authors Note (A/N): English is not my first language, sorry for being so much time inactive I just have problems writing. I hope you enjoy this!! ❤️ (I think this is my last ENHYPEN fic for now).

Word count: 1275.

"Y/N, until you finally arrived!? Everything it’s okay?" 

It’s 8:30 am, and the class started at 7:45.  you always get 10 minutes early every class, what is happening? "Uh y-es, yes umm don’t worry" you whisper to your only and best friend infront of you, Yujin. The most beautiful girl in your classroom, everyone — literally — likes her but for a blablabla reason they don’t talk to her because of you. What’s the problem with you? No one knows.

"Open your books to pa-"

 A knock from the door is heard "Let me in pleeeaseee". A handsome and tall guy entered to the classroom with a pill of books in his arms "Oh, yes yes yes guys I forgot to tell you guys, this is our new classmate… Lee Heeseung." He nods like it’s the most uncomfortable moment in the planet earth. Closing the door, he looks at the teacher with a —why you forget about me, the new student ?— face. He rapidly looks for his sit. He sits behind you, the bad thing is that you cover him since you are a little taller than him. Nothing bad.

——-

After 45 minutes of hearing a stupid teacher talking about the European countries and blah blah blah not interesting things. The bell rangs with a loud ranggg!. You where in the lockers, taking your books for the next class when you feel a big hand in your shoulder.

"Excuse me, do you know what are the next class books?". You turned your head, he was looking you with the most innocent face you have ever seen. You nodded and get the books of your arm to show him "These are the books" "Thank you, and what is your name?" you get the books in your arms as you heard what he said "Oh, my name? my name is Y/N." You make your eyes bigger when you see that his hand grab yours with agreement "Beautiful name, poetic" he said as your hand shake with his,trying to hold your laugh "you are funny, do you know that?" and you let go of his hand slowly "No one said me that. Thank you, Miss Y/N." then he left and class started.

I’m the middle of the class a little inconvenient happened. Your friend Yujin left the class, she doesn’t said the reason. She just left without saying anything. After yujin left, you receive a paper note from behind "It’s she your friend?". You assumed that it was someone of the bullies one but then you receive another "It’s heeseung :)". Okay so, you were in class answering a shit of paper that was written by the classmate behind you instead of taking notes of the class? yes. you take your light green pencil as you turned the paper to the back "yes, she’s my friend, why?" you finish your write, make the paper a little circle and looking for his hands so you can give him the paper in his hands. "Thank you."

It passed 2 hours since classes finished.  You’re eating a chocolate chip cookie waiting for your friend to "pick you up"to get home. You where in the lockers near the entrance of the school. suddenly, you get a call from your friend. 

— Hey I can’t pick you up, I get sick, so sorry for not saying you before. The director call me at the middle of the class I dont know why.

Dont worry, I’ll go walking.

— Take a bus, it’s not healthy getting home in this cold. 

Well I’ll resolve myself, hope you get better. 

Stressfull, yes.. stressfull. Now.. how are you going to get to your apartment? If you go waking it’s like 3 hours walking, and in this days of cold is extremely difficult to get by walking so long time.

"Hey, why are you here at this hours of the night?". You look behind and it was him (again), Lee Heeseung. The new student that doesn’t know that all the class hates her, the new student who doesn’t know that she is going to get home by 3 hours walking. "Are you okay, do you need help?" as he took one,and then two, and then three steps forward you, your head has analyzing what was happening right now.

"Umm what?." "Your friend can’t get you home, huh?" "Okay, what are you doinghere in this hours of the night first of all." Okay okay so, you where in confusion about why or how Heeseung knew that. your head repeated that words.

why or how,why or how…

"I was packing my books and I heard your call from where I was." You look at him seriously trying not to get embarrassed. "Don’t worry, I can get by wal-" "I can get you to your house if you want". Your mind exploded, it’s the first time that someone that is not your friend tells you that he wants to take you home.

 "No, you don’t need to do it" you reject his offer "Come on, you can’t be in the streets at these hours, and alone." You analyze.. it’s true what he’s saying, you can’t go in these hours of the night alone.

———-

Its 6:55pm, sitting in the back seats of Heeseung’s car. the silence abounds the car peacefully, you with your headphones looking at the rain falling in the sky, everything was perfect. but not for much longer.

 "and.. what about you? how was your day?" you feel that you heard a voice, so you get your headphones off. "I’ts always stressfull, there’s a lot of things to do. How about you?" "I just entered here and seems to look good. Oh and your classmates talk me about something about you." Okay, let’s go back to that moment.

Heeseung and about 4 more students (the bully ones) where talking and babbling in the lunch time, he was sitting in around 3 tables ahead of yours. "Hey heeseung, do you see that girl with the black long hair? she’s the worst person I’ve ever met" one of them said, "and why?" Heeseung asked with curiosity "she is so unbearable and stresses if doesn’t get a good answer. I don’t know why she have friends" another of them said giggling "She doesn’t deserve it." and the bullys started to laugh like idiots that don’t have nothing to do with their lives."She knows everything, she even doesn’t let others to answer, because she is the "intelligent" of the classroom" one of them said while looking at Heeseung. “It’s that true? Or it’s only jealousy?". He’s smart enough to believe anyone "what are you talking about? why are you asking that?" one of the bullys said worried "it looks like a lie" Heeseung narrowed his eyes "are you defending Y/N? ,holy cow." one of them said "You are insane" two of them yelled at him. and all the bullies left the table, leaving Heeseung alone.

"I don’t think you are that type of person. I mean, yes you’re intelligent but not idiot and etc.." You flushed a little at his words. "Uggghh, I just hate them. They have me stressed" "don’t get stressed for them, they will bother you more." "yeah it’s true but I- I just dont wanna talk about it, okay?" your eyes watered just a little bit. You want to cry, but not infront of him. 

"It is here?" he asked as he stopped the car for a moment "before you get out, can you pass me your number.?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

THIS IS PART1!! Soon PART2!

TAGS:

[myimaginarywonderland]

I think in light of F1 and the whole neutrality bullshit, it brings up a question that not only the drivers are faced with but also just people in general.

What is neutrality? The most literal definition is :"nor supporting or helping either side in a conflict" or "absent views."

Many of us Europeans are aware of the "Convention for the Protection of Human Rights and Fundamental Freedoms" which includes 47 countries that are on the European continent. It was put in place directly to protect human rights, freedom of speech etc. And one of those countries that is is actively existing in is France. And as many of you know the FIA is a French organisation which means that those same principles still apply.

And even ignoring the entire bullshit this is in itself, I wonder what would happen if someone brought up the legal aspect because it would be fundamental in if it's even allowed.

Almost 90% of the drivers are European or presumably have a European citizenship.

They are therefore also under protection of said document. They are fully entitled to said paragraphs, articles and the right to exercise those.

But not only that, the FIA is French to which mean this convention applies to them too. By putting on a brand of neutrality aren't they actively dishonouring said agreement.

As someone who is German where we also have the Grundgesetz where it quiet literally says "The dignity of a person is untouchable" I truly do wonder if they have thought this through entirely legally. Surely a national sporting court could argue against many disagreements of legal sides.

What would happen if someone with a German citizenship where to speak out? Because we quiet literally have rules that allow freedom of speech. Would then the country where the statements where made be taken up on their rules? Would French government policies be followed? Would whatever citizenship the driver had be prioritized?

What is the legal situation in this case? Because F1 might be international but surely the rules of a country, a government have to apply? Or is it drivers individual?

How would they legally even label that neutrality? How would actions be taken where someone to go against it? This isn't as easy as the world cup where soccer players could just chicken out because it's in one place so there was a round about excuse. F1 quiet literally labels itself as international so what government rules apply in the paddock? Has this been questioned before? Can it even be one thing?

And what is even more interesting is that in Formula E where they have also supposedly pushed these rules nothing has been said or done about Maseratis open support via the Rainblow flags on their car. So if they punish it in F1, why did they do nothing in FE? Do they pick and choose which sport is allowed to do what? How would they draw a consistent line?

Or is it perhaps the fact that with someone like Lewis who truly is bigger than the sport and someone like Seb who has started to educate himself, with two established drivers like that finally using their voices F1 got scared of what these people could do and is now actively trying to shut it down? In the hopes of not only getting maybe more engagement but also pushing finally talked about issues and problems within and outside the sport to the side?

Why is this neutrality being enforced after it has become clear how much impact Lewis has? How much Seb does for his course?

[mothman-clarice]

I'm back bitches :)

My hyperfixations tend to shift around a lot every few days so that's why I vanished for a bit but I'm back on my hannibal brain rot so here we go.

This time I'm gonna be writing some rough notes about a fanfic I may or may not write at some point. It's the one I talked about briefly in my patrick Bateman post where I wondered what would happen if he met hannibal. I'll try to make a break in the text so if you wanna wait until the fanfic comes out you can read it spoiler free. This is mostly to help me try to make a story outline.

I originally thought clarice and hannibal would go on a trip to NYC but I soon realized that was a bad idea considering their "status"

So I decided Patrick would go on a trip abroad to Argentina with his new fiancee and that's how theyd meet

It starts with clarice and hannibal perusing the local market. They're looking at some produce when they overhear a man starting to raise his voice

Its patrick in an argument with a shopkeeper over the price of some fish which is rapidly escalating. Think the scene of him arguing with the lady in the dry cleaners

He suddenly stops, looks around and then grabs the shopkeeper by the collar, pulling them close as he whispers through gritted teeth

"Listen here BITCH, I will fucking fillet your ass if you dont shut those cock sucking lips of yours, UNDERSTAND?"

Hannibal and clarice take notice of the situation and silently agree to investigate, doing their best to blend in while getting closer so they can gather more information

Clarice goes into undercover FBI agent mode and hannibal listens while on standby as backup in case things get ugly

The situation isnt descalating so clarice eventually decides to tell hannibal they should try to intervene to protect the shopkeeper, but advises hannibal they should be slow and cautious

She says from the sounds of how he was talking to the shopkeeper (who was a woman) she noted he seemed to use a lot of vaguely misogynist language so she figured hannibal would be better to be the first one to intervene. Hannibal is bigger, older, and overall would command this mans attention better from what little clarice could tell about his character

Hannibal finally clears his throat, "excuse me? Is there a problem here?" He asks politely with a twinge of concern

Patrick stares at hannibal like a deer in headlights, his whole body frozen. All the blood seemed to instantly drain from his face as his mind races, "oh fuck how much did they hear? Was I being that loud? Fuck fuck fuck"

Patrick stands up straight and faces hannibal with a completely shifted demeanor recognizing him as an older obviously well off man similar to himself.

The shopkeeper stares at hannibal and clarice with a look of fearful hope, gazing at them as if they were angels who'd come to save her from certain death

P: "oh no need to worry, it was a minor... dispute." He smiles with gritted teeth.

Hannibal looks at patrick with a sort of side eye, unsure of whether he should pretend to believe him or confront him

Before he can decide patrick pipes up and tries to derail the topic. "Are those oxfords? Midnight blue if I'm correct? I must say you clearly have impeccable taste, sir. And your vest! My oh my you must tell me the name of your tailor!" He puts on an unnaturally wide smile

Hannibal looks over at clarice who nods subtly, gesturing to go along with it

"My tailor? Well I go to Kingsman, they're an english tailor shop that's been around for centuries and served countless members of nobility. They're absolute masters of their craft."

They keep patrick engaged in conversation and slowly guide him away from the now deeply relieved shopkeeper.

"Kingsman, I've definitely heard of them before. I knew you had to be European, I've just never heard an accent like yours before. I must say sometimes it can be boring spending all my time amoung my fellow american wolves of wallstreet," he gives a chuffed smile and straightens his tie.

Hannibal and clarice both immediately understand the kind of person they're dealing with, the dreaded wallstreet yuppie.

H: "Ohh Wallstreet huh? Interesting."

Patrick's chin lifts slightly and his grin grows as he bathes in what he thinks is Hannibal's admiration.

P: "Say, who's this lovely specimen you've got here?" He suddenly notices the gorgeous Clarice standing close to Hannibals side.

Her hair formed perfect shimmering waves which framed her freckled face perfectly. She wore a gorgeous summer dress and a sun hat which gave her a certain feminine softness, almost like Lolita. She really had outdone herself with her appearance today.

"You can call me June, Luca is my husband." She gives him a confident smile and gestures to hannibal who gives a nod to patrick.

C: "And your name is?"

Patrick is a little taken aback by her assertiveness but tries to brush it off. "Patrick Bateman. I'm from New york city, I'm visiting Argentina with my fiancée. I must say it can be quite breathtaking. Judging by your fair faces I'm assuming neither of you are from here either," he chuckles with his eyes trained on hannibal

C: "Oh yeah we immigrated here a few years ago. Couldnt stand the cold of Canada and needless to say we never looked back."

For a very brief moment Patrick's irritation became barely visible on his face, merely a twitch of his brow and lip as he cast a glance at clarice. However, Hannibals keen eye was able to spot this microaggression. Despite this he continued to play along, wanting to investigate this figure further.

H: "how about we go get some coffee and chat, my treat." Hannibal put on a smile.

P: "I think that would be lovely, thank you!"

They made their way to a local cafe, ordered their drinks and settled at a table when clarice spoke up.

"Oh would you excuse us for a moment? I need to ask luca about something privately."

"Of course! Take your time," yet again that creepy ass grin.

The couple walk outside and stand close with hushed voices.

C: "what do you think so far?"

H: "Clearly he seems to have a distaste for confident women. He threw quite a rude look at you whenever you spoke."

"Yeah I thought I felt some aggression coming off him too. Not surprising considering how he was yelling at that woman before."

"So what are we thinking? Should we keep up the investigation? Someone who treats honest workers like that surely is too violent to mingle with the public."

"I think we should, theres something about him... something that feels especially wrong. Like he's not just a guy with anger issues, theres gotta be something more."

I'm gonna stop there for now. I feel like I've got a good flow going. Hopefully I kept it at least somewhat engaging lol, I felt like I was getting a bit too involved in their small talk at certain points but I hope I fixed that. I'm excited to see where my brain takes this idea! :D

[chicago-geniza]

One thing I am noticing, I think, since the HRT discontinuation/forced topiramate taper catapulted me into a state I would classify as "in extremis" (though it's a controlled burn now, thankfully)--am noticing even re: the songs I wrote at 13, at 14. My first real, "feral" psychotic episode--Christine McVie's death reminded me, because it was linked to a Fleetwood Mac album in my mind, to another song, to my first 72-hour marathon to "burn it off." To outrun it? Or stay in a state of watchful-wakeful consciousness, don't lapse into inadequately vigilant sleep where you can be tracked, shortcut-sloppy, uncareful, indolent? I think the tl;dr is--

Even at 12, at 13. For a math journal prompt I devised a new gematria based on the Vermont DMV license plate allocation algorithm to calculate soulmates, based on [heavy sigh] the "obscure object of desire" girl I had a crush on, her boyfriend, her cousin/best friend, and her boyfriend's best friend, who was a local indie musician, a one-man band. They were a lot older than me, or seemed a lot older--I think 17, 18 when I was about 12--but our school was really small and like a yurt in the woods, so extracurricular activities were always integrated across age groups. They treated me tolerantly, kindly, recommended music, accepted me as a tagalong kid sibling. But basically I didn't understand how their group dynamics worked, and the girls in my grade were pulling a "Carrie" and trying to trick me into believing things that weren't true, inviting me to fake birthday parties or social events so I'd show up at designated locations and nobody would be there, telling me my crush like-liked me and sending me carnations in her name on Valentine's Day in hopes I'd publicly humiliate myself, that sort of thing (thankfully didn't fall for it). I couldn't tell what the "bigger picture" was, just that 1) there was a joke, 2) I wasn't in on it, 3) I was the butt of it. This culminated in me being set up and framed for drug dealing, having drugs planted in my locker, and nearly getting expelled and arrested. But I got really really crazy about Scrying the Patterns & Dynamics behind Social Groups & Cliques etc.

Similar thing happened in early high school, won't go into it because it's embarrassing, literally "anthropologist on Mars" shit.

In Russian summer school, when I got abruptly taken off my anticonvulsants, basically everyone was--not conspiring, but consciously excluding me from collective social life all summer. I started going crazy in part because I sensed something was "off" but couldn't tell what it was and everyone denied it but nobody would talk to me; I was anathema for some reason. I got really fixated on Mädchen in Uniform, the film and the novel, and projected the plot onto...summer Russian school. Everyone was in on the simulation but me; iirc I was the girl who carved "EvB" into her arm. The only way to break out of the simulation and make myself a real person again was to prove how all European languages were related to each other, which I was doing through...the North & South Saami numerals, Finno-Ugric roots. I had been up for two days filling four walls of whiteboards and someone took me to the doctor who yelled until they cut my anticonvulsants down to $70 a month.

But I love that when I get "we will put you in Brain Jail" psychotic it's just. Autism spinning wheels faster and faster like. If we do enough Math and Linguistics we will Solve Social Interaction Once & For All. Sorry Baby :(

[fahrni]

Saturday Morning Coffee

Good morning from Charlottesville, Virginia! ☕️

I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving. I know I did! It’s a time for family and wonderful food at the Fahrni household, especially the pies! Kim’s pumpkin and Haileigh’s Pecan pie are amazing and I always eat a little too much of each. 😋

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Ruth Ben-Ghiat

Some have wondered why the Trump campaign is being so open about the repressive policies they intend to implement. This “transparency” is in line with authoritarian history: Autocrats often tell you who they are and what they intend to do to you before they take office. They do this as a challenge to norms, and they do this as a threat.

If TFG is elected again and destroys our Democracy we will deserve everything we get and I hate the thought of it happening.

Where will people immigrate to if our democracy comes to an end in favor of an autocracy? Canada? Germany? Some other European nation not caught up in this current authoritarian wave?

Anita Chabria • Los Angeles Times

A unicorn costume, a hammer and a belief that pedophiles are using public schools to destroy democracy: The trial of David DePape for attacking Paul Pelosi was strange and disturbing.

It’s frightening how folks can go down these rabbit holes so quickly and turn into complete, frothing at the mouth, lunatics. 😳

Adi Robertson • The Verge

Music streaming service Spotify struck a seemingly unique and highly generous deal with Google for Android-based payments, according to new testimony in the Epic v. Google trial.

Well, well, well, good for Spotify. I’m sure any indie app maker would take a deal like that but it’s always the “big guys” that get preferable treatment.

It can’t hurt that Spotify is a direct competitor to Apple Music and puts a dent in Apple’s bottom line because of it. Not that it’s hurting Apple. 🤣

Law Dork

Monday was a day that crystallized on just how many levels our democracy and its promises stand on a precarious perch.

So a Colorado judge found that his Orangeness is in fact responsible for the insurrection. She also said he’s still eligible to run for President because the 14 Amendment doesn’t apply to the President because he was not “an officer of the United States” that could be disqualified under the amendment.

What?! That makes no sense. 😳

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James Boyd and Dianna Russini • The Athletic

Former Colts LB Shaquille Leonard goes unclaimed on waivers: How injuries derailed his stellar run in Indy

Hearing this bummed me out. I like Shaq Leonard. He’s a true leader on and off the field and he has a motor that won’t stop.

Here’s hoping he finds a new team soon and is able to get fully healthy and back on the field.

Heck, even if things are over for him prematurely, due to injury, he’s had a great career.🏈

Hixie

I do think the clock is ticking, though. The deterioration of Google’s culture will eventually become irreversible, because the kinds of people whom you need to act as moral compass are the same kinds of people who don’t join an organisation without a moral compass.

Interesting read from an 18-year employee of Google. Companies change as they grow. It’s just a fact. WillowTree has changed tremendously since I joined in 2019, especially after the Telus International acquisition. It happens as companies get bigger. ❤️

Oliver Darcy • CNN

NFL denounces hate speech, says it has expressed concerns to Elon Musk’s X

Sure, like Space Karen is going to listen to the puny NFL.

Some advice for the NFL. Get off of X, start a Mastodon instance called nfl.social, and start doing whatever it is you use X for on your Mastodon instance. Problem solved. You’re welcome.

KRISTEN RADTKE • The Verge

Adobe has been issued with a formal antitrust complaint by EU regulators regarding its $20 billion bid for cloud-based product design platform Figma.

I wonder what kind of deal Adobe will have to strike to make this work? It’s obvious Figma is winning the hearts and minds of designers. I feel really bad for the likes of Sketch who are a native Mac only shop. Their work is beautiful and extremely useful but can it survive? I hope so!

Also, please stop using Figma for EVERYTHING in the company. I’ve seen folks make presentations with it and make project plans with it and both of those uses really sucked.

Andrew Wallenstein • Variety

You might as well hitch your wagon to Musk with Krazy Glue at this point, Linda, because despite what your deluded pals on Madison Avenue might think, there’s no going back now. Stacking the events of the past week on top of the mound of insanity that’s already piled high over the course of your short reign has seen to that.

Good luck, Linda. I hope the man is at the very least paying you crap tons of money to destroy your good name and reputation.

Maybe it’s all worth it to her for that CEO title? 🤔

Rodrigo Mesquita

First part of an in-depth guide into developing a native macOS application using Haskell with Swift and SwiftUI. This part covers the set-up required to call Haskell functions from Swift in an XCode project using SwiftUI.

I love seeing other languages integrated into applications! VBA on Windows apps was a huge benefit to app users and gave them the ability to create specialized scripts to help automate their workflows. Even with all of the security implications and exploits it is the best implementation of a scripting environment to date.

I’ve also seen folks integrate Lua with great success and look at how the integration of JavaScript into native iOS and Android apps — ala React Native — has changed the app landscape.

The Eclectic Light Company

Following on from the previous memory leak I have demonstrated in the Finder in macOS 14.1.1, here’s a second, discovered by Kate, which might have a common root cause.

I have questions. Is this a leak or is it memory consumption? Those are two different things. One is not freeing resources because of a coding error, the other is not freeing resources intentionally. An intentional case would be caching things in memory to improve performance.

Also, if the system needs memory at some point and can’t find enough does the Finder relinquish this memory back to the OS?

Either way I suppose it can be seen as a leak. At the very least it could be a performance problem if system performance degrades because of it.

Jason Snell • MacWorld

What I’m saying is that Apple sometimes takes its failures and learns important lessons that inform its future attempts… but sometimes, it seems to just give up.

Apple is a company of people and people make mistakes.

I feel like the Vision Pro could be a mistake. Maybe mistake is too harsh a word? Maybe it’s just a product that’s too immature at the moment? I’m sure they’ll sell a hojillion of them on day one but will there be a great app ecosystem to support it?

My guess is highly specialized applications will drive sales but what do I know? Not much. 😂

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Lauren Goode • WIRED

Harvey’s urgency, even 12 hours later, is a reflex: This is exactly what she did for 13 years as the head of Twitter’s trust and safety team.

It must have been almost impossible to squelch all the crazy and hate on Twitter. Now X just doesn’t care and allows all the crazy and hate to blossom.

Get out, now. ☢️

Ben Wolford • protonvpn.com

Last month, Google launched a new feature for Chrome called IP Protection that makes it easier for the company to spy on you. No surprise, since this is Google’s business model. But what’s concerning is that Google is marketing this as a privacy feature.

I don’t know much about this but it seems like something I need to better understand.

I’m a Safari user and I mix Firefox in there.

I had to install Chrome at work because a client has some Chrome friendly tools we need to use. 😮

Nilay Patel and Alex Heath • The Verge

After an attempted coup by OpenAI’s board that lasted five days, Altman is returning alongside co-founder Greg Brockman.

Dizzying. I hope Altman keeps a good set of ethicists around him to keep him in check.

We don’t want the robots to take over the world, do we. 🤖

Colin Walker

It is this type of definition, however, that holds RSS back. Why does it just have to be updates to a website? RSS can be used to distribute all sorts of information. Once you start adding custom namespaces the possibilities are amazing.

I agree with Colin. RSS can be used for many things and why not? It’s extensible and there are gobs of tooling for it.

Just think of what it did for Podcasting.

I know at one someone maintained an RSS feed of hospitals with extra drugs other hospitals could ask for. You’d be surprised how many hospitals run out of certain drugs and how many have a surplus. It was a nice way to connect folks. Yet another niche served by RSS.

I’ve had the thought of just publishing my blog as RSS only. Sure, discovery would suck, but feed readers are just another type of web browser, only the web comes to the feed reader.😃

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Happy Birthday President Biden! 🥳🎂🔥🚒

[agent-grey-fics]

So we all know that my mom is dying, she has ALS and she’s deteriorating pretty fast the last couple of weeks compared to last year when she got diagnosed.

I’m the oldest (25yo) of two and hope to graduate uni this September after my thesis defence. My sister just started her job (she’s 23) in a bigger city an hour away forum home and she’s moving into her first apartment in a month, also an hour away from home.

Now, I’ve always said that I wanted to get a phd abroad after my masters since my discipline isn’t a big thing in my country. That was my next big 4year life plan: moving away to a big European city and living my best 20somthing live whiles perusing a PhD. But when my mom got sick I pushed that of the table, I couldn’t put myself to move halfway across the globe when she only got around 3 years left. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself.

So now that I’m staying, everyone seems to think and expect mo to stay at home with my mom and take care of her. I do want to take care of my mom but I don’t want to move in with her and be her caregiver 24/7.. It feels as if everyone expects for me to pause my life and spend the next couple of years on taking care of my mom 24/7. We had our issues in the past and everything started working out when I lived on my own during my bachelors and master’s, I haven’t lived permanently alt home since I was 18 and I’m turning 26..

When my mom got sick, my sister started to stay away from home under the ‘I can’t do this, I’m going crazy’ motto. Keep in mind that I was already in therapy before our mom got sick because of the childhood trauma I have from my relationship with my parents. I was working so hard on regaining a healthy relationship with them and the this happened.

So my sister barely visited home the last 12 months, I’ve been travelling back and forth to check on mom and take her to all her doctor and hospital visits. My sister never asks about how those went, until this July she even didn’t know that our mom was taking antidepressants and she YELLED at me for not telling her. But every time I wanna update her she blocks me off. Do you get the situation?

So I kind of already put my life aside to help our mom out, what I do with love that’s not the thing, but I never get a thank you pr help from anyone else, it’s just so frustrating ‘cause every is saying ‘oh but good old Lexi will stay at home and help her dying mom’. As if I don’t have plans for myself. I’ll have to settle for things I don’t want for my life and by the time I’ll be able to move on I’ll probably be 28ish.

I also found out that my aunt and mom put out a request for a care giver funding in my name. They didn’t ask me a thing…

I do want to take care of my mom, but not full time cause I still want my own life and share firsts with her while I still can. Like my sister gets to decorate her first home with our mom while I can’t because they expect me to stay at home.

I don’t want to sound like an asshole but this is so frustrating and I’m bawling my eyes out only by writing this down.

Idk just had to vent this out. My therapist told me to do the things I want for me, including moving out because she’s afraid for my mental health going back etc.

Ugh I’m sorry I had to rant about this one.

Lots of love,

Lexi

[no-passaran]

Very thankful for the French Communist Party's solidarity with the Catalan political prisoners and exiles and for the party's expressed support to the self-determination of the people of Catalonia. They are even debating on including a Catalan independentist political prisoner or exile in the list of the French Communist Party for the European elections.

Especially from our neighbour country, France, where speaking about the rights (whether they be linguistic, cultural or the self-determination) of the occupied territories has always been a difficult topic to talk about, even inside the left, this is highly appreciated.

There's an interesting interview with Nicolas Garcia, vice-president of the Departamental council of Pyrénées Orientales with the French Communist Party: here (in Catalan)

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Molt agraïda al Partit Comunista Francès per la seva solidaritat amb els presos polítics i exiliats catalans i el seu suport a l'autodeterminació del poble català. Fins i tot estan debatent incloure un pres o un exiliat independentista català a la llista del Partit Comunista Francès per les eleccions europees.

Especialment venint del nostre estat veí, França, on històricament parlar dels drets (ja siguin lingüístics, culturals o de l'autodeterminació) de les nacions ocupades sempre ha sigut un tema complicat, també per les esquerres, aquest gest és molt significatiu.

Interessant entrevista amb Nicolas Garcia, vicepresident del Consell Departamental dels Pirineus Orientals pel Partit Comunista: aquí