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quelsentiment · 2 years ago

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✨ 2022 Writing Year In Review ✨

Thanks so much to @haztobegood for tagging me :))

1. Number of stories posted to AO3: 12

2. Word count posted for the year: 107,847

3. Fandoms I wrote for: One Direction, Shaw Mendes, Video Blogging RPF (Dream and co.)

4. Pairings: OT5, Niall/Zayn, Niall/Harry, Niall/Louis, Niall/Liam, Niall/Shawn (so many Niall pairings wtf), Zayn/Liam, Zayn/Louis, Zayn/Harry, Liam/Louis, Dream/Georgenotfound

5. Story with the most:

Kudos: In the midst of a storm

Bookmarks: In the midst of a storm

Comments: In the midst of a storm

6. Work I’m most proud of (and why):

I feel like I have to answer In the midst of a storm. Writing this fic was extremely frustrating at times because I had this amazing picture of it in my head but I felt like I could never do it justice due to lack of time, energy, and stability. I pushed myself through it and managed to finish it, though, and honestly some comments I got on it made me look at it in a much more positive light! Hopefully I’ll be able to read it back one day without cringing too much lol

7. Work I’m least proud of (and why):

Probably As long as you’re not afraid to feel. Not that I think it’s bad or anything, but I feel like you can tell by reading it that I wasn’t really into it. It’s one of these fics whose idea I came up with early on, but only started working on it months afterwards due to other commitments, and by then I’d kind of lost my initial interest in it :/ I do think it’s a pretty fun one, but it could have been much better if I’d worked on it as soon as I started brainstorming it

8. Share or describe a favorite review you received:

As I said, some of the reviews on In the midst of a storm really warmed my heart and kinda made me change my opinion on it! Shoutout to @lululawrence‘s lovely comments especially 😊

9. A time when writing was really, really hard:

Ugh, the entire year until September, basically. 2022 has been a very stessful year for me, and despite wanting to make writing a priority, it definitely felt like I’d lost my mojo at times. I only started to pull myself out of it once I 1. moved back to Canada and 2. got into the Dream fandom - I probably just needed a change after 3 years of focusing exclusively on 1d, I guess

10. A scene or character you wrote that surprised you:

I wrote a few smut-adjacent scenes for It the midst of a storm that did surprise me, or at least were a new experience for me lol

11. A favorite excerpt of your writing:

From Running From The Sun

“I don’t. I don’t want you,” Niall protests, but it sounds half-hearted at best. Louis almost has her in a chokehold now, and it’s time for her to land the final blow.

“Yes, you do. You think I haven’t seen the way you were looking at me earlier, while you were dancing with that guy? You think I can’t hear your heart beat faster whenever I get a little too close?” She punctuates her words by taking the last step that separates her and Niall, and now she’s got the slayer right in front of her again. Right where she wants her. “Hell, you think I don’t notice the blood rushing to your cheeks right now?” she adds in a mere whisper. “You think-”

“Shut up,” Niall hisses out. Louis can see her swallow, and she knows she’s got her now.

“Make me,” she dares her.

12. How did you grow as a writer this year:

It’s probably gonna sound dramatic but, for the major part of the year, I’ve felt like I was regressing as a writer. I’d constantly be second-guessing everything I wrote down, including stuff that I never had a problem with before (like dialogues). It’s been pretty exhausting, but in the end I guess it did make me grow, in that it made me more aware of my strengths and weaknesses.

A more practical answer would be that I wrote for new pairings and fandoms, and as mentioned before I even wrote some more explicit scenes, which is something I never thought I’d be able to do, much less to share 😳

13. How do you hope to grow next year:

Continue posting for the Dream fandom. I’m currently working on a longer fic for it that I’m really excited about!

Otherwise I’d like to get back into writing everyday, and like Jinny said, try to edit less while writing even though that habit is so ingrained in me that it might prove to be difficult.

14. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc):

Oh god... My introvert tendencies came back in full force this year, and I ended up taking a big step away from the 1d writing community, unfortunately. Maybe that’s something that I’ll try to change next year too, because I do miss these interactions!

I do want to thank @zou-i-am, though - we had a great time running the Lilo Fest together! Thanks so much to @uhoh-but-yeah-alright too for betaing my Zarry fic :) And of course, much love to Sof if they see this <3

Finally, maaaaany thanks to @allwaswell16 for all the work she puts in to post fic recs and leave thoughtful comments! You’re a legend :))

15. Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year:

Weirdly enough, I wanna say it’s the opposite. In both New York Kiss and In the midst of a storm, Zayn works a retail job, and that’s something I ended up doing for the first time over the summer. Life imitating art and all that 😌

16. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers:

Who am I to impart wisdom? lol I guess just... don’t give up. If you’re feeling like you’re losing your inspiration, give yourself some time and/or try something else (like a new pairing or something). Follow whatever excites you in a given moment, even if it means putting other projects on hold.

17. Any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year:

I’m excited to keep writing my current Dreamnotfound fic. Also looking forward to running the Zouis Fest again, and to starting writing my fic for it (even though I have no clue what it’ll be yet)

18. Tag some writers whose answers you’d like to read.

I’m sure a lot of people have done this already 😬 Maybe @zou-i-am @feeisamarshmallow @zanniscaramouche @uhoh-but-yeah-alright ?

#tag #myfics #here's to 2023 being a much better year creatively and in pretty much all other aspects as well :))

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rocicrew · 2 years ago

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for the questions for fic writers: 1, 42, 48, 49, 50

1. What fic of yours would you recommend to someone who had never read any of your work? (In other words, what do you think is the best introduction to your fics?)

hmm that's a tough question, i feel like i've written several prompts that are an easy read so that can be a quick introduction to how i view certain characters and their dynamic. and then it kind of depends what kind of pairing they're more interested in, although the majority of them are naomi centric. i think ultimately, maybe either of the fics i've that's about naomi and filip (her life in her hands, her life's life in her hands & the way the old life haunts the new). bc they center the topics of loss and trauma and finding a way to live with it anyway and it is a theme i'm very interested in exploring with my writing.

42. Have you ever received a comment that particularly stood out to you for whatever reason?

amdnd it's one of yours actually, again we're going with her life in her hands, her life's life in her hands (i do have a soft spot for this fic despite) i was still v new to sharing my writing and it was a feat to write something that touched those themes and attempt to capture naomi's complexity in such emotions so you telling me i captured that tension really gave me a boost when i was still very unsure of my writing so thank you for that.

48. What’s the last fic you read? Do you recommend it?

i reread oh, body, be held now by whom you love today which does a lovely work of the push and pull naomi goes through between being guarded and allowing herself vulnerable, of shutting down instinctually and opening herself up again as a way to mend that gap during the preparation to go to ilus. it had this line; "It’s about building something out of loss." which is fit right into my emotions after making that last gifset. the fic also does a great job of writing the intimacy between naomi and holden and i absolutely recommend it.

49. What are you currently working on? Share a few lines if you’re up for it!

the only wip i currently have, and it's been sitting on my docs for roughly a year has been a draolden drabble that i started after 6x06 and for some reason i have been stuck on even though it's something i'm both interested in and would like for that to be the next thing i finish and upload. maybe it's because it's been there for such a long time that i'm not sure whether to scrap it and start over or just polish some details and add some small things and post it already. oh i also have another from those kissing prompts but i haven't started it yet. and actually i think i have one nolden one but that's more fleeting vibes than proper fic.

i think i've posted an excerpt before but here's a diff one:

“Mhmm, all three of us know that I’m very hot. But, mi pensa, you’re a liar,” Naomi hummed and Drummer looked almost offended at that. But Naomi’s gaze softened as it lifted to meet hers. “You can tell me the truth,” she continued.

“I don’t know if this will work.”

Naomi tried to sit up, because that needed a conversation between them. Jim grumbled slightly at her movement and tried to pull her flush to him. That meant he hadn't fallen asleep but was edging towards consciousness. Part of her hoped he would wake up so she wouldn't have to have this conversation alone. It battled with the part of her that wanted him to catch up for all the sleep he lost.

“Us? Or the negotiations?”

50. Answer any question of your choice, or talk about anything you want to talk about!

okay, so this isn't a question necessarily but something i'd like to do with my writing so im putting it here in hope i'll actually make it happen. which isn't something big, it's that i want to attempt one day to write a longer multi chapter which isn't something huge but it can be a fun challenge.

#ty for the questions 💕

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lennoxlorian · 10 years ago

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OUTLING & BLURBS

Some people like outlines of their plots. Some people know what their plot is and pants it while others believe that there is no such thing as plot. Because if you're writing about "real" characters, what you would call "plot" would not be a "plot" but it would be their life. (I hope that wasn't too confusing.) That's great for whoever it works but I've always been a planner.

I have my fourth grade teacher, Mrs. Grissom to thank for that. When we began writing, preparing for state exams she taught us how to write an outline. Although I don't use the exact outlining method that she taught (I still remember it exactly!), the thing is that I have to have one! But this is why I need an outline:

I can get carried away very easily and my story could end up adding things that a) weren't originally there and b) actually take away/hurt the story in the process

Because of 1. It helps me to know where my story needs to go. I discovered this during NaNoWriMo 2013 and it worked wonders for me.

I would like to show my entire planning process but I don't want to give away my novel just yet. Maybe one day, I'll post the actual outlines and excerpts and such. Until then, I'm going to skirt around what I can.

Basically, I start off with a BLURB. Well, I call it a blurb because I have no other word for it. Anyway, I do a 1-2 sentence summary about the novel. I basically look at the summaries on the New York Times Bestsellers list and take a page from that book. (HAAHAHHAAH! See what I did there?) For example, this is the BLURB/1-2 sentence summary for John Green's The Fault in Our Stars:

A 16-year-old heroine faces the medical realities of cancer.

We all know what the novel is about but this breaks it down into the simplest form. No descriptions, no names of character. Short, sweet and to the point. Here's another. This one is from Ransom Riggs Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children:

An island, an abandoned orphanage and a collection of curious photographs.

That one doesn't exactly tell us what the novel is about - we can pretty much get an idea from the title but the "BLURB" is intriguing enough that you want to know more.

I know, I'm starting off backward but this is me and my process. I do this because whenever I get around to trying to sell the novel or submit to an agent, I'll have something short and sweet and hopefully! interesting enough to catch their attention. But for craps and giggles here's mine (One of very few things I'll share about the novel this early in the stage):

The government made her and now, they want to destroy her.

That's simple and intriguing, right? And I know. I'm very early in the process and there's a good chance that it could drastically change from this initial idea but the positive thing out of this is that 1) I have an idea and 2) It has a lot of potential. Or at least, I think so.

Don't get me wrong, I don't start off with the the "blurb", of course. I start with an idea like everyone else and get so excited that the details, characters and scenes I've already written part of are never too far behind. But the idea is to get that simple, tiny summary and so I "squish" it until I get the simplest form of a summary. Kind of like grilling burgers when they say don't squish the burgers because it gets dry and loses its flavor. When it comes to the blurb, I don't want flavor. I just want the meat.

And that's how my outlining process begins.

I have a feeling, I'm going to use a lot of analogies while writing about this process...

#writing #plotting #outlining

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transcendersmedia · 1 year ago

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I’ll make it up to her!

Games that are about relationships and making tough choices in regards to other characters can evoke quite a lot of emotions. We have already talked a bit about how some players objected to being forced into a relationship with Dagger in Knife Sisters.

Another very emotional message we got from a player was about not being able to date a specific character, namely Ayana, Leo’s best friend. Leo and Ayana are very close, but depending on how you play, and how you communicate, there might be some strain on the relationship between them.

I’m going to show you excerpts from this conversation because I think it’s kind of interesting.

It all started with me getting a rather intimidating message, that read like this:

You know what, the Knife Sisters game should be reported, cause it’s the worst game I’ve ever played.

I thought there would be a possibility for Leo to have a romance with Ayana, (not the two ****** Vicki and Mo), so I’ll never play that game again.

At first I thought about just leaving it be, because it was clearly written in affect, but then I decided to respond anyway, so I wrote:

Hi! I understand your disappointment, but unfortunately, there isn’t an option to romance Ayana in the game, sorry!

Then the person wrote back:

Don’t think I didn’t like the game, (I wasn’t completely sincere before, I actually liked it).

I played the game once, got to the end and got shivers down my spine, and tears in my eyes, so I quit, then I regretted it, because I actually liked the game more than I thought, so thank you for one of the best games I played in a long time.

/…/ it’s just that after the first playthrough, when Leo got ‘together’ with Mo, I felt so bad because of how Ayana reacted, that’s when I hoped that Ayana was one of the people Leo could get together with.

So, the reason this player was upset was that they had such a guilty conscience for the actions they had taken, in the shape of Leo, that they wanted to make it up to Ayana by dating her.

To this I replied:

I understand how you feel, that it could’ve been nice to get to be with Ayana as well.

It’s hard to say why I chose it to be that way – but I think it’s got to do with that Leo and Ayana were very close, and Ayana was such an important person in Leo’s life, that Leo wouldn’t want to risk losing her by having a romance with her – if you understand what I mean?

And then I got this reply:

Yeah, you did an amazing job, (I hope there will be more games like this, but please give us more options). And yes, it’s so rare that such a good game comes out (and maybe that’s why I was a little……. well, I’m sorry for what I said).

All I want is that you keep making games like this. :)

Aww.

What do you make of this? As you might imagine, I’m very happy I got back to that player instead of just leaving it be, and having a bad feeling about it, which would probably have stuck with me for days. Sometimes it’s better to open up a conversation to try and see what lies behind an angry message. Sometimes, it definitely isn’t. So how to tell the difference? I don’t know. In this case, I thought back on working in IT support as one of my first jobs, and I remembered that sometimes when people wrote angry messages, they could turn around completely if they got a nice message back, and I sort of wanted to try it. In this case, it ended well.

But this conversation is also part of a bigger picture around how to handle relationships in games. I’ve learned some valuable things from the player feedback on Knife Sisters, that has got to do with characters and relationships, and this specific exchange has been part of that process. In my next post I will elaborate more on these findings.

What’s your experience from playing or making games that contain relationships? Have you ever felt bad for what you did to a character in a game? (I recently got told by someone about a game experience that was really bad, because of what they felt forced to do to a character in the game. I’m going to play that game and analyze it, and get back about my experience later on.) If you have thoughts about relation games, we’ll be happy to discuss in comments!

#relation games #indie games #lgbtqia #game design

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ffwriteradvisor · 2 years ago

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Just remembered I went on a small research trip on the subject of Tenshi no Fuu (if you were in the One Piece fandom around 2010-2014, you had a pretty good idea of who that was) last year but jesus, the real story is a mess.

Because like, if you go looking for posts about Fuu, you get people talking about how it's good that 'she' disappeared. About how annoying her Sue of a character was. All that good shit /s.

I remembered those bits, though I didn't interact with the original story at the time. By the time I decided I wanted to see what the fuss was about (rather than rely on the second hand opinions of others), the original fics were deleted and the ffnet page was long dead, with only a mention of a hiatus and real life getting in the way of the team (yep, 11-13 people were working on this fic at one point, including Real!Fuu, though her... position on the team is... something else) working together to really show.

But that's what the WayBackMachine is for. And let me say, that it revealed a lot. [caps + transcripts + a Whole Lot More under the cut]

(cap of the ffnet page circa Jan 30, 2012)

[Transcript: certain excerpts bolded for emphasis, typos left as is]

[Transcript starts]

[Okay, well... yeah, it can be a bit confusing to know who is 'hiding' behind the pseudo TenshiNoFuu, so let's try and explain it a bit...

We're a group of people (guys, by the way... and already in our twenties in case you would wonder...) who kind of 'kidnapped' one of our friends - Real!Fuu - to send her without her consent in One Piece (because it just more fun without it).

She loves Shoujo mangas, dislike fights and have no sense of humor (literally...) but she's still an amazing girl who knows about a lot of things and is always ready to help people, without falling in the disgusting overly-sweet type of people... Smart but dense, charming but unpretending, gifted yet unsecure... Just the type of people whose feelings are showing on her face and whose expressions remind you of a manga character while she doesn't even realize it... The type of person who never let anyone indifferent (either in the bad or the good sense) and who just makes you marvel that a real human can be sincerely like that. She's just that type of person, kind of... But the most amazing part about her is that she's making very realistic dreams and remember them perfectly when waking up, and the funny bit was that she's been dreaming about One Piece a couple of times, even though she disliked it at first...

Her first dream happened long before we got interested in the story, during summer holidays when she was travelling back home to meet up with her family. Her brother is a damned good fan-fiction author passionate about One Piece (if you can read French, do check him out, he supports LuNa, is a hard-core protector of canon story-line and makes well-rounded stories http://www.fanfiction.net/u/1552380/Clowsama ) and she's been proofreading his stories for years, even though she knew nothing of One Piece back then (and was quite determined about not reading it...). Anyway, she dreamt that her brother was sending her into One Piece to punish her for making fun of it (we definitely support the idea, heehee...) and her brother found this story so funny he decided to publish it.

When she talked about it to us, we thought it was a shame she still didn't like One Piece even though she could dream of it, remember it and almost live it alive even though we're a lot of fans dying to see One Piece even when going to bed. So we kind of made a One Piece cram school for her, telling her everything about OP and hoping to show her how awesome it is. But as a result, she just ended up making another dream about it and that the very same morning (early night for us, something like 4 o'clock a.m) a very special chapter was released in Japan (with the time difference).

Can you seriously imagine a non One Piece fan who barely learnt about Marine Ford Arc making a foretelling dream the 10th of February 2010...? A nightmare where she ended up on a scaffold, meeting up with a character the only thing she knew about him was that he was Luffy's brother (even though we had told her who was his real father), causing a huge mess on the battlefield and finally waking up in tears after having left the dream seeing Ace going to fight against Akainu... Waking up in tears... Even checking up the raw chapter on the web (she can read Japanese, that helps... or rather at that time, she cursed it...)... She forecasted this huge bomb Eiichiro Oda dropped on Chapter 474!

So we decided!

Just no way we're going to let someone as interesting as that miss how wonderful One Piece world is, heehee... So we took charge of making her fall in love with this wonderful universe created by Eiichiro Oda, and little by little, guided by the stories of the dreams she had had of One Piece in the past, we came to think she would make a great OC. We grouped her little dreams into Story I. and developped her nightmare into Story II. It was supposed to be no more than two stories, but upon seeing her face when she was telling us about what had happened at Marine Ford, it makes us wonder... If it was to happen to someone important to you, until which point would you go to protect your friend (or here your sister) from despair? How much of this world or of another one would you be ready to change?

So well, regardless of what Fuu thought at the time, we decided it could be only logical for this Story to continue, and we decided to 'use' her to definitely change an aspect of the original scenario which made us sulk at that time: the outcome of Marine Ford War... (sure, now that we reflect on it, it was canon and needed, but you can't help but cringe at it at first...) And now, after multiples debates, ideas and battles, we're here on FFN publishing the story and managing this fanfiction account while she gradually accepted her fate and is helping us out with illustrations on DA...

So in the end, you can call us TenshiNoFuu too or KageNoFuu since we're not planning on leaving our comfortable spot in the shadows (just too bothersome at first, and after a while, considering there're a bunch of despicable people out there, it's more efficient for assassination missions to stay hidden... because for the ones it can interest, we're not a tenth as nice as Fuu...)]

[Transcript ends]

That's right. This group of 'friends' decided to throw so much of a thing that this girl wasn't interested in at her that she had literal nightmares. Because she had a dream they thought was funny. And then they decided to write 'romantic' fic about it. Yeah.

And then there's the updated profile from 2013

[Transcript starts:]

[!!! TEAM WORK = TenshiNoFuu is a team of several people !!!

Little change in admin team so some clean-up is done:

Author Team = 3 people (but 2 of them busy with real life) 1 new main author (just arrived, warning, not nice at all) 5-7 freelance readers/advisers 1 proof-reader/victim-model 1 guest-star

Readers Stats = more than 165.000 visits since the first release 315 favourites (that says it all for anyone a little fact oriented and not rumour oriented)

Haters Stats = a handful who didn't find anything better to do these past 4 years than stalk/bash/heavily promote this fic a bunch of mindless followers who repeat the same arguments without even double-checking if some of them are true or not... (share a prayer for them, they're beyond salvation at that point)

Background Story = Real!Fuu REALLY has a famous LuNa fanfic-author for a brother; she was REALLY not fan of OP; she REALLY dreamt about falling into OP (story I); she then met the 3 original authors who tried to convert her and provoked the other dream about Marine Ford that REALLY happened the night of release of Ch.474 (story II); she is REALLY NOT the author and didn't even like this fic at the beginning (and seeing the magnet for galactic haters it is, no wonder she didn't like it afterwards); but she REALLY is stubborn and will put others before herself so this little group continued to publish despote the haters because they had fun writing the story and there's no way sensible people will back-up on what they like just because of some childish/rantish/jealous/bitchy/egocentric people who believe the entire internet/world should revolve around things they approve of (raise your hand if you already faced a 7-year-old brat telling you he/she hates carrots thus carrots should be erradicated from the world, same concept).

Self-Parody = Clow and the original authors actually disliked OCs (most common use of OC in fanfics) and like to put some parody/paradoxical cliches in the fic through Fuu's attributes or point of view. Cookies for the readers who actually saw it in the undertone; Hugs for the readers who actually like it as much as us!

Reviews & PMs = PMS welcome, anonymous reviews will just be blocked/deleted if you don't have the guts to come and talk to our face (and having decent argumentation to support your claims)

Sue-Witch-Hunting = Like to read this story, tell us; Would like some improvement/details/explanation, message us; Find the story is not interesting, drop reading it; Come and tell us, why not but no care; Come and ask us to write for your OC, sorry no won't do; Come and start a debate about Sue, just go back to square one to buy yourself a basic kit about fiction-writing and decent-critique and we'll talk later.

Hiatus = new main author is there and will resume new chapter after common planning of future Arcs with rest of the team. Expect more chapters from now on!

SORRY FOR THE 1 YEAR HIATUS. SOME IN THE AUTHOR TEAM BECAME DADDY AND THAT'S THE BEST EXCUSE EVER TO GET BACK TO REAL LIFE! THANKS TO ALL OUR NORMAL READERS WHO DIDN'T FORGET US! HOPE YOU'LL ENJOY FOLLOWING THIS ADVENTURE AS MUCH AS WE ENJOY WRITING IT!!!]

[Transcript end.]

According to this, about the only thing that looked like it was under Fuu's control was the DeviantArt account which, while the documented drama there (concerning art trades, as far as I can find) isn't great either (and there's no clue as to who headed up the youtube channel - yes, there's a youtube channel), it really pales in comparison to what this 'team' of friends decided to do for fun... which I think is fairly well summarized by this review from Psychic Monkey Mafia (also circa 2012)

[Transcript starts:]

[So a friend of mine told me to check out this fanfiction, they happen to be a fan of it and said that I should check it out as a fan of One Piece. I also heard a lot of good things about this fic, so I really tried to approach this in a positive light. Look, I am sorry, but this is honestly one of the creepiest fics that I've ever seen. For the life of me I cannot tell what the hell is going on. The canon characters are really out of character, they are practically helpless half of the time, and what they are doing makes little sense. Could you actually explain what's going on? Having creative liberty over characterizations normally is okay, but I can barely recognize any of these people. It's like watching a week marathon of the 4Kids dub versions of them. Also Ace in this story is an absolute creepy ass scumbag that deserves to be shot, hung, and stabbed for good measure. I'm sorry, but the way he's written, he is a real pig, along with most of the men in this fic. I really don't see how the hell this is supposed to be romantic, it's really sexist to both genders and it is really sad. Also if this really was written by a group of 'friends' of the real Fuu, I seriously think you need to consider getting some new friends, because the way they wrote you is awful and damn near spiteful. I'd like to think that you as a person deserve better much than that. I really hope that one day you would consider rewriting this, because despite its faults, there does seem to be potential for an interesting story.]

[Transcript ends]

It's a pretty polite review for how awful a picture it paints. The problem with Tenshi No Fuu, it seems, is less of the concept and more in the people who wrote it, and that group doesn't seem to actually include the girl who gets all the blame from people.

#memoirs of a one piece oc #memoirs of an oc outsider character #tenshinofuu #tenshi no fuu #mary sue #this was a weird dive and honestly i wish i'd been able to go deeper and get more #fandom history #but there's just not a lot of resources to be found between the secrecy of most of the people involved and the time passed #like i don't even think i'd be able to find who directly interacted with Fuu's deviant art account because it's been 10+ years #like if anyone did I would appreciate them replying to this post but it's a hell of a long shot

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nyehilismwriting · 3 years ago

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sentinel - going forward

hiiii everyone. I know things have been quiet for a long time on the sentinel front, and I wanted to make a (long-overdue) post explaining where I’m at & what I’m thinking.

for some background, I started writing sentinel two years ago (and damn does that give me heart palpitations) during the summer I graduated, with no plan but a handful of vague ideas and concepts. I was unemployed, hadn’t written anything longer than a couple of thousand words in years, and i had no real idea where I was going with it.

i’ve learned a lot since then, about coding & writing, about this community, and about myself. I originally planned to use the twine port as an opportunity to rewrite parts, maybe fix up one or two things, and generally polish the content that’s currently available, but the further I got into it, the more it seemed like so much was broken, pointless, or just plain bad it hardly seemed worth it.

I still love this story; I still love these characters. I still want to write this game, but in order to make it into what I think it needs to be, I need to go right back to the beginning. I’ve mentioned various times on this blog that I’m doing rewrites, messing with code and so on; all of that is true, but I don’t think I’ve ever emphasised the extent to which I’m overhauling it.

twine gives me a lot more creative freedom, and has encouraged me to think outside the usual formula when it comes to my writing. one of the biggest aspects of sentinel that I struggle with, as it stands, is the urban fantasy aspect - I’m a fantasy author by nature, and I think I rooted too much of sentinel in the real world, where I’d much prefer to lean into the surrealist/horror elements. plot-wise, it was never intended to be a monster of a game, but I got too caught up in sideplots and twists that I lost sight of the overall premise, which in turn had me losing interest in the game as a whole.

I’m reluctant to call this a hiatus, since functionally there is no difference to you guys: there hasn’t been any new content for a long time, but rest assured I am still working on and thinking about this story. I just need time to dig out the aspects that made me passionate about it in the first place, and to find a way to bring them into the light. it will be a long time before there’s any new content to speak of - I’ll keep posting snippets & prompts every now and then, and drop notes and excerpts as I feel like it, but I hope this has eased some concerns about this project being abandoned. it isn’t - it’s just gone insane so i’ve locked it in the attic and married a pretty new wip. don’t worry about it.

in summary: sentinel isn’t abandoned, but in order to create the game I really think it could be, and deserves to be, I have to go back to the drawing board and readjust my paradigm and all kinds of other fun words for, essentially, starting again. the choicescript demo will remain as is, and I’m too far off to give a timeline on what happens next: whether I drop a demo of the rewrite, or just try to get the game complete before release, I don’t know yet.

thank you all for your patience and support. I know it’s been a long time, and it’ll be even longer still, but I hope it will be worth it. ❤❤❤

#this got rambly i do apologise #if 2019 me could see this they'd be horrified #but they also didn't see covid coming so joke's on them. loser #i cannot stress enough how much i do love these characters though #i just need to do them justice #and again thank you all for your support #cannot tell you how much every nice message means to me #sentinel if

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nabrizoya · 4 years ago

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RoW Theories and Things I Want to See

with RoW literally a few weeks away, here’s some theories your way.

this is Really long. like, really very long; mind you.

Nikolai might become a disabled character.

It’s just the vibes. If we can take reference from the Too Clever Fox story, there’s a line that says “...and his [Koja’s] fur never quite sat right the same...”, which might hint at it (mostly bc i don’t want him to die). Also if this is indeed possible, it can be used to address ableism if it exists in this universe, especially since Nikolai is someone in the highest position of power.

Zoya will experiment the shit out of powers.

Idk why the synopsis says that using her powers might be a great deal, which tbf will be because she is truly the most most powerful atm; but Zoya wouldn’t mind taking the step outside of the old norms and bend the orders until they serve their purpose. That’s the entire goal rly.

But all along, she will consciously keep herself mindful to not hunger or discharge her power in a way that may cause harm. She knows the tyranny of the Darkling and the ways he employed. She knows better.

More character depth to Zoya.

Given the excerpts, the book does seem to explore Zoya’s infinite grief. And of course her Suli heritage, which a great part of the fandom consistently wants to shadow what with the talk “white features/ part Ravkan” bs.

But there’s more. I hope RoW will show Zoya’s dilemma (that was alr hinted in KoS) she has with the power she holds, the responsibility she has with having that power + using it in the way that will not be detrimental to her and the country. It will be a great way to portray her self-awareness and doubt and insecurity. She is a good leader, that much is told in text but not shown. There’s character development from the end of R&R until KoS that makes her evolve from a what she was then to the capable and mature 22 year old she is in KoS.

Of course all of their capabilities will come to light in RoW but I think Zoya and the agency to her as a character will play an integral part. More so because Zoya is to be the conduit to reversing the current Grisha orders, which runs in parallel with the fact that she needs to go back, go back to the roots of her Grisha knowledge and roots of her i.e. her unending grief and trauma.

She will need to forgive herself while also dealing with the guilt and anger she may have caused due to her position and power. All of this while dealing with her own complex and contrasting emotions due to her own trauma.

Nikolai is held for treason.

The word of allying with The Darkling may be out and that is enough reason for the entire country to turn against him. The secret about the monster causes issues more than enough already, and this will plunge the country into deep political turmoil and threats to security. So RoW will be more politically driven. That said...

There’s no overt war.

By this I mean that there will not be war on the battlefield, both armies or more charging at each others’ enemies and such. Ravka cannot afford one either. The excerpts have already proved that. There will be skirmishes akin to a war scenario, but a complete battle like the last battle in R&R? Like a final battle? That’s not going to be there, I think… What I’m assuming might happen is that the Fjerda and Ravka will take a possible Cold War route, if it isn’t already the case they’re already dealing with atm.

Ravka’s monarchy will collapse.

It may become a democracy or any other form of public or majority vote. But the monarchy (as well a possible dictatorship, esp with the Darkling returned) will be eliminated. ...Or so I hope, since it has been alluded to in KoS.

But that poses many problems. With no one line for the throne, let alone with a crime so dark like a blot on Nikolai’s skill (of taking the Darkling’s help), it is possible that Ravka will shun it, right alongside being torn about it because Nikolai has been, for the best of his ability, a good King. All of this in line with the Resistance rising in West Ravka.

This ties in with the court matters, especially if I want to hold the further points I make true. The resolution to acquit Nikolai of his charges requires a testification forth a jury which will then make a decision about his motives and future.

Zoya as the Interim Head.

After all of this, Zoya’s point about Ravka not accepting a Grisha Queen will be true after all, because there will be no monarchy to welcome such an arrangement.

But Ravka will need a good and trustworthy leader despite Grisha powers and Zoya is the best person to take care of that. The comment “...becoming a steady leader...” and the “Welcome home, Commander,” were there in KoS for a reason (and this is what I think it will link to).

That being said, there’s more nuance to this than my summary. Zoya is a character of colour. That—in addition to the already existing threats, objections and possible question of capability in the position—ill play into how she will be able to discharge her responsibility. It’s not going to be convenient.

EDIT: taken from a reblog/addition to the og post:

A smoother/more structured transition

Once after the monarchy collapses and a leader must be chosen, it will not be Nikolai. Nor will it be Zoya, though she might serve as an interim head. What I assume might be possible is that someone older is chosen, someone older and loyal and with the proof of knowledge and service to the country. Possibly by majority vote or elected by a council.

Instead of the sudden change, this can be a smoother (if that can even be said about such a major political scenario change) or more structured. I also say this because a. if Nikolai is indeed charged (and later acquitted), firstly his political career will already hold a blot if the word about using the Darkling as a resource is out and secondly, he’s way too young to serve as the leader (by modern standards, sure, but like, the required age will be set while drafting the constitution? currently its 35+).

Instead, the current cast can become representatives (which Zoya would already be, (mostly the head of the) international committee that safeguards the Grisha all over the world) and the Triumvirate will be dissolved. (it should be, tbh)

And hey, b. after all of this, they can and kind of need to take a step back. Nikolai and Zoya will be able to truly explore their relationship, given how Nikolai mentions how he wouldn’t marry unless he’d have had the chance to court someone and marry someone he barely knows nor knows him. For Zoya’s part, she does know Nikolai but surely probably not the extent of openness that a healthy relationship has, and on Nikolai’s part, he admits he barely knows her beyond as a General except for just little things about her.

They could be able to realize and work on their feelings while alongside being involved with the workings of the country and the constitution.

“One day you will overstep and I will not be so forgiving.”

Need I say more? Something that Zoya does will cost her Nikolai’s goodwill and we know Zoya knows her practicality and the extent to which she will unapologetically move if there is threat to the country and its King. She will do what was right and required.

A major part of that line ties in with Magnus Opjer and I think with the confidence in the versatility of her powers, Zoya might as well move w/o any word to the Triumvirate to eliminate the most direct threat to the throne. This will bring splits in Nikolai and Zoya’s relationship.

How this tension between them will be resolved without compromising either of their values, without playing into fandom stereotypes and others must be carefully handled. All of this while showing the best of their dynamicity, practicality and priority as they carefully pull out just those weak sticks of the jenga without putting the whole country into trouble. And with a war in plain sight, they’d know better than pointlessly argue and would rather see how the two of them are wrong. This ordeal will bring out just how condensed power is in the current scenario, imo.

Importance on the way women have shaped history.

Something that KoS has already set precedence for. Zoya being a PoC, Nina taking into account of the sufferings of women she comes across and the consistent ‘Who will remember them?’ will be elaborated on further. As for how it is done and how well it is done, that remains to be seen.

Baghra is alive but maybe not thriving bc she’s stuck in the Ice Court.

They entered a chamber where an old woman sat with her hands chained, flanked by guards. Her eyes were vacant. As each prisoner approached, the woman gripped his or her wrist.

A human amplifier. [...] But the Fjerdans used them for a different purpose – to make sure no Grisha breached their walls without being identified.

Kaz watched Nina approach. He could see her trembling as she held out her arm. The woman clamped her fingers around Nina’s wrist. Her eyelids stuttered briefly. Then she dropped Nina’s hand and waved her along.

Had she known and not cared? Or had the paraffin they’d used to encase Nina’s forearms worked?

- Chapter 22. Kaz; Part 4: Trick to Falling, Six of Crows.

Nina will be the one to free her and together they might wage a war from Djerholm together.

This gets even more interesting because we know the anguish and scorn that Baghra feels for her son at the same time; she understands the wrongness that he used to seek and will continue to. Zoya does take Baghra’s name at the Fold when she mourns and rages over how people forget the destruction and most importantly, forget the women. Baghra could be the symbol of the stag as the art piece depicts, or will be shown with relation to the Darkling’s powers.

As for how she will play into the story, perhaps she will be the one to help reverse and find the roots of the orders, in the sense that changes the perception of the Grisha powers for the Grisha as well as the common folk of Ravka. She is the only other person other than Juris and the Darkling to have the age of eras together, knowing Ilya Morozova, and she will be instrumental in giving Ravka an advantage over Fjerda. Either that or she will help in scrubbing the prejudices of Fjerda slowly away with whatever powers she has left. Or both.

Alina will reappear, but will not contribute to the plot significantly.

Zoya understands that the truth she knows about the Darkling is very minimal not enough to end him for once and for all. It makes sense that she will probably consult Alina for it. So, Malina appearance, possibly at the orphanage. Alina will not directly contribute to this war, but she will play a critical role in defeating the Darkling.

Besides, Alina —and Baghra— are the only ones who know that there has only ever been two Darklings. Zoya did sense, multiple times during KoS, that the Darkling is damn old. Yuri mentions it. And while it is not outright specified, the fact that Zoya thinks that she realizes just how ancient Lizabetha is in context of meeting the Darkling is enough proof for her to seek more information about the age and the older skill of the Darkling.

And I think it goes without saying that I want to hope that the Darkling and Alina will not meet. Pls, she’s had enough.

Lada is the lost, other friend that Zoya refuses to bury.

“She saw her mentor die and her worst enemy resurrected, and she refuses to bury another friend.”

Liliyana is dead, we know. But there’s no other mention of Lada except for the “wondering what happened to the pug faced girl.” Lada is possibly a part of the group of women and a Grisha returning to Ravka from Fjerda, exploited by the parem. She might die being unable to withhold the sheer torment of the parem induction, which will devastate Zoya because Lada was also the closest she’s had to a family with Liliyana.

Either that or Lada is already dead or dies some other way, and Zoya cannot bring herself bear the grief of losing her.

Cameos: Inej and Jesper.

The most likely of the crows to appear in RoW are Inej and Jesper and they’ll play equally important roles in the plotline. Here’s a breakdown of why:

Inej

Inej has taken the responsibility of becoming a slave hunter, and it makes sense for Inej to make an appearance in the book, given that there’s going to be a ship taking the Grisha from Fjerda to Ravka.

The women aboard are vulnerable and require immediate attention, which Inej will immediately zero in on. She will have enough reason to suspect both Leoni and Adrik on the ship, especially when the jurda parem is still a secret. Leoni and Adrik cannot give that information away because they don’t trust Inej (and have no reason to either). Inej won’t trust them either, not until she understands that the reason why the women are being taken to Ravka and for what reasons.

Which gives her excellent reason to step in, try to analyze the situation and help the women accordingly.

Here’s an exciting thought though. Once after the entire misunderstanding is overcome and Inej understands (esp. if Nina is brought into the conversation and security and secrecy of the conversation is ensured), there may be discussion about how the Grisha might find a safer space in Ravka.

Inej’s appearance might also extend to playing a pivotal role in giving Zoya the confidence to seek her heritage and where she hails from, to embrace the part of her past and forgive herself and others for her mistakes.

ALSO,

Grisha finding a safer space in Ravka will mean that Inej can pitch Jesper’s case for him to Zoya. Being the highest authority who takes cares of the responsibilities of the Grisha, Zoya will be the best person to talk about this with.

And so, here comes Jesper.

Jesper

For one, I wish Jesper and Leoni interact, talk and just bond like the iconic siblings they would be. <3 But more than that, Jesper plays very integral to the plot for more reasons.

Jesper’s arc will parallel Zoya’s. Both of them are new to their powers in their own individual sense; Zoya is trying to use her new powers in a way that hasn’t been done before, thereby breaking the Grisha orders of powers and Jesper (assuming he has decided that he might want to learn and embrace his Grisha powers) is learning them afresh.

This journey of them trying to embrace, learn and relearn and reject older norms and experiment really work in tandem.

That will lead us to a further (plot) theories.

Ties with Novyi Zem

As of the KoS end, Ravka has no support from anyone atm. Sure the Kerch will provide funds but Ravka has no real allies. Here’s where Novyi Zem and Jesper come in.

We know Novyi Zem is a new country and also that it is the second safest country for the Grisha in the universe. As of KoS, their agreements are not renewed and they would be since between Kerch and Novyi Zem, Ravka was forced to pick Kerch. Yet Ravka needs their help in acquiring jurda for the antidote.

So here’s the deal: Ravka will get their jurda but at many conditions that the Novyi Zem will impose on Ravka to not let exploitation get in the way.

The conditions imposed could be (these are just some at the top of my head but I hope there are more to ensure the safety and security of the Zemeni, in Novyi Zem and in Ravka too) :

Naval support from Ravka

We know of the Zemeni ships and ofc Nikolai has been hard at work trying to develop plans to use the sea to its fullest advantage. While the news of the izmars’ya isn’t public, Zemeni can place a condition for technical aid from Ravka since Ravka does have the technical knowledge it can dispatch as a condition.

A Grisha School in Novyi Zem

Think about it. Ravka, despite being the safest place for the Grisha, still isn’t entirely safe. Not all Grisha become soldiers in Ravka, they have a choice to abstain but those who are training are still recruited a honed for purpose alike preparing for war, especially the teens and preteens from the time of the Civil War. The training does take a lot of time. Ravka intends to make a home first and then service, but at the moment, while the Grisha are provided safety, it’s not assured in the best sense. Both the facts about a home and service are in precarious positions atm.

TL;DR: Ravka isn’t entirely safe for Grisha therefore the Grisha themselves too are not + Ravka is war torn.

So what happens?

One of the conditions as the next best country that serves as home to the Grisha, Novyi Zem may put forth the prospect of building a Little Palace like institution for the Grisha in Novyi Zem. It sounds morally wrong in the sense that the Grisha there will also be trained for war, but the war will end and soon, the Grisha will not be subject to serve for something but engage in economic activities as anybody else with the progression of time.

All of this won’t happen immediately either; learning their powers, honing it in the way that is unocnventional from what it had been pre-RoW and that transition + the building of the establishment in Novyi Zem and laying foundation for the transnational panel or committee for Grisha that Zoya talks about will all take so much time.

A few Grisha representatives from Novyi Zem can learn at the Little Palace and by the time the construction of the institution is done in Novyi Zem, these Grisha, along with other willing Grisha who either want to return to the country they were born in (like Leoni) or are offered to teach in a different country can do so too.

There will be stricter terms so as to not ensure exploitation and possible colonization in these nations.

Zoya mentions in one of her chapters that eventually there will be a need for the a transnational panel or committee for Grisha. Jesper can Zoya can make it possible, adding in other countries to the panel slowly as the war recedes.

Kaz and Wylan?

Least likely to make an appearance, in my opinion. I think they’ll be mentioned plenty of times or brought up once and given great importance for how they can help in the side plot.

Shu Support:

This is more a hope than an actually theory dfbkdhjadfh but Makhi might have to step down from the throne because Ehri will take the place; either as a Queen (no...) or she might oversee the process of strengthening Shu Han and finding a leader (if she doesn’t want to become one herself).

Ehri is capable, more than capable despite the little we know of her from the last chapter in KoS. All I hope is for an understanding and friendship between Nikolai and Ehri (and the subsequent cancelling of the marriage duH) for this to happen. She has little interest in statecraft but with the time she might spend with Nikolai, she might change her views. Even if not then she still gets the happy ending she deserves with Mayu (which is canon at this point rly).

Emotional Development or Breakdowns

Okay but I really, really, really hope we get to see all the three protagonists lose their shit and deal with their trauma, seek help or trying to stop isolating themselves or anything else they do to cope? Nina, Zoya and Nikolai, all of them cry, all of them get to completely lose it, let themselves be human and healthily cope and learn to rely on the people they trust the most. Like the sheer power and potential to show the myriad of ways to deal with grief, sadness, stress and more and make use of the trio’s backgrounds to show healthy and diverse ways of helping themselves, by letting themselves and others help them is just *combusts* Incredible!

That being said, can I also ask for moments of fear and desolation from the side characters too? Impending war isn’t small business, it will take its toll on people, and all these reactions just cement their fears and what they value the most so. pls. Humanizing them rly.

The Saving Each Other

As much as I mostly kinda hate this trope, there are traces in the KoS that Zoya might be the one to end Nikolai’s affliction. On the other hand, there is talk of Nikolai helping Zoya control her powers which seems counterintuitive when you consider that Zoya knows that there is a line that she must never cross and that she is very, very careful about it and will continue to be.

They can instead be the ones who motivate each other in times of distress as they always do (as shown with how Nikolai tries to gain control over his monster during the burning thorn ritual in KoS, allowing himself the vulnerability but also knowing that giving up will be unforgivable to both himself and Zoya as well) but I seriously do not wish for each other to be the ones directly ending one another's misery. Or perhaps this is just a fear imo that Leigh wouldn’t even take the route of (in which case, thank fuck).

Stab Stab Stab

Zoya gets the chance to kill the Darkling with the rest of her friends. After all, Darkling does call them all his old friends. Just Julius Caeser him all the way and put a bow tie on the book. *chef’s kiss* Everybody deserves a second chance... at ending a tyrant when it fails the first time.

So far, this is it. Rule of Wolves is in less than a few weeks and im- asdfghjkl. not Ready. i’m more Worried than Ready.

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preemshots · 4 years ago

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johnny + the nomads lore

alright, i know this is a screenshots blog but i'm going to go ahead and start dropping some juicy lore tidbits as i dig them up. part of what i'm doing outside of just photo diarying is shard hunting, and BOY is there a lot the game likes to hide in those little shards for idiots like me who like to read so we can write unnecessarily accurate fanfiction!

full disclosure, i know jack shit about the TTRPG/cyberpunk 2020 rulebook except what i read in the wikis.

so here’s my lore roundup so far of everything i know about johnny joining the nomads

we know johnny likes to narrate v’s quest objectives. here’s the first mention where he says it himself:

during the voodoo boys quest "transmission" there's a shard in the maglev tunnels beside the ice bath, presumably from brigitte's research into johnny in the first place:

okay, so the timeline is this: johnny joins the nomads after trying and failing to rescue alt. johnny hides out in the badlands for some years. then he and rogue come back to night city and nuke arasaka tower help alt escape the arasaka subnet by uploading liberator to their network once and for all.

this ultimately makes sense. in alt’s flashback, we meet santiago, who is a nomad/connected to nomads, joins rogue and johnny when they're trying to get alt back, and eventually becomes the leader of the aldecaldos.

part of santiago’s TTRPG lore is that he, johnny, and rogue have to lay low in the badlands with nomads after they storm arasaka headquarters (i am aware the game takes many liberties with the original lore so who knows the full accuracy of anything from the original rulebooks)

ENDING spoilers: in the rogue+johnny storming AHQ ending, it's revealed that rogue has a son while they're prepping for the job. if you eavesdrop on her calling him while you're at the afterlife, you hear her tell her son to (paraphrasing here) "pull over and look at the stars", which immediately made my brain go to: nomad, badlands, santiago = dad? maybe. (santiago also canonically has a son according to the TTRPG lore)

this immediately reminded me of another interesting shard that i believe you can find in multiple locations around night city: “"what REALLY happened in arasaka tower?“

i love this dang shard. at first i thought it was just a cute conspiracy with some juicy gossip (and i love how 99% of the shards that mention johnny in this game are reminding us that he's not a real rebel, he's a poser) but it brings some interesting shit together

one: it tells us where johnny got his hands on the nukes! he and the nomads jumped a militech convoy and jacked some bombs!

which is never directly explained, even as saburo arasaka is interrogating him shortly before using soulkiller. very nice of johnny to protect his homies like that.

...or maybe he didn’t. saburo emphasizes that the dead don’t lie like the living do, and we don’t know what exactly arasaka did to johnny’s construct in mikoshi.

it also explains why the obvious media narrative is that militech nuked arasaka, a nice neat political bow to the end of the fourth corpo wars, which is an entire section of the TTRPG lore that makes my eyes cross when i read it.

it also makes the star/nomads ending extremely interesting, because i originally believed it was the ending where V’s journey deviates the most from rewalking johnny’s path... which also has weird implications if the johnny’s nomad era is being kept from v.

(this also leads into my belief that the star ending/the devil ending are narratively two sides of the same coin, but that’s a WHOLE ANOTHER POST for another day.)

TWO, just straight up the fact that they turned the raid where they actually obtained the nukes into an action flick BD that pretty much ANYONE could watch. who the hell was doing that??

well, who else other than the guy who johnny (optionally) punched the shit out of for filming alt's death: thompson, media guy, and according to rogue, “bad luck”. because you know, recording your crimes is straight up evidence that can be used against you.

during the alt flashback we meet thompson, and just after that in cyberspace before meeting alt, johnny tells v that he has no idea what happened to him and that they never worked together again.

oh, johnny, you lying bastard man

this is blatantly untrue, and if V even had two braincells and better memory than a goldfish they'd know this--in the first flashback sequence where johnny and rogue nuke arasaka tower, thompson is on the comms as they ride the AV towards AHQ, questioning their plans and use of violence.

which leaves me with some questions, like where the fuck is thompson, why does johnny keep lying about this, why doesn't johnny say almost anything about how you interact with the aldecaldo clan nonstop throughout the game when he himself may have been a member of the family for some time?? is he continuing to protect the nomad clan that saved his ass? we know that a lot of his flashbacks are unreliable at best, that johnny changes shit up as desired when presenting V with his memories.

in 2077, you can also find that there’s a remake of “badlands raid” in the shard “new release braindances” that is pretty much everywhere. that shard doesn’t add much, but does mention something along the lines of “many people don’t know the ending of the original” which probably means johnny punched thompson out for filming again, or something.

my running theories: rogue ditched santiago and the aldecaldos with johnny and thompson to nuke arasaka tower, and when johnny died she was stuck looking for (heavily implied by johnny here:) corpo sellout ways to survive.

adam smasher obviously has something to do with this since johnny/rogue's vendetta against the guy isn't entirely clear beyond the smokescreen of "he killed johnny and he sucks". i have done 0 research into this though i'm tired of typing okay

i obviously cannot be certain i have found everything related to this in the game as i’m not even done with this playthrough where i’m trying to pay attention, but i hope this is fun for someone else to dig into.

enjoy, fellow silverhand freaks

EDIT: additional findings

ALRIGHT I HAVE DONE MORE DIGGING AND I AM BACK WITH MORE NOMAD/JOHNNY FINDINGS. these ones are kind of a bummer but VERY interesting.

there’s a shard called “excerpts from a history of the nomads by bb pires” that goes into detail about how nomads came to be

there’s an interesting quote in it: It's hard to imagine a group less inclined to wandering than farmers, but in fact they were the ones who sparked the age of nomads. Natural catastrophes, crops ravaged by bioplagues, armed conflicts and martial law allowing corporations to speculate and privatize land - all this forced them into a life on the road.

when you ask johnny why he wants to take down arasaka, he begins by referencing this himself!!

it’s a little awkward to imagine a nomad V doesn’t also know what he’s referencing, but hey, V is the fool because we are as players and that’s only one life path... so sure.

johnny also has unique dialogue during this scene about a nomad origin V, telling them that he’s been trying to understand how V thinks, and came to the conclusion that “their family was a crutch” and essentially made them stupid because they always had a safety net (lmao johnny calling v privileged basically)

BUT this also may reference why johnny would find it confusing as hell that V doesn’t immediately share the views he does when nomads, in terms of values, seem to be more aligned with johnny than V is. but once again V is the fool for a reason and this is all my own speculation so YOU KNOW.

MORE IMPORTANTLY, at the end of chippin’ in, when you ask johnny what he meant by letting down his friends... santiago is named directly

i thought this was interesting since the only glimpse of their relationship that we get is seeing johnny meeting santiago via the alt flashback for the first time.

so now it’s obvious that while johnny and rogue were with the nomads their friendship developed, and johnny went on to disappoint santiago in some way by being his normal dickhead self

but HOW? how did he disappoint santiago? is santiago even still alive?? did smasher kill santiago and is this why rogue mentions during chippin’ in that she wants smasher to “settle a score” moreso than avenge johnny??

the only additional hints i have are from this shard, which you can find at the aldecaldos camp: “nomads at ground zero”

i’m just gonna transcribe here and bold for emphasis:

It was no secret that Night Corp offered generous pay and, in some cases, free cyberware and biomonitor upgrades to anyone willing to help clean up the crater of radioactive rubble at AHQ ground zero. Some firsthand accounts recall the incessant ticking of Geiger counters, like the loud buzz of cicadas in summer. In retrospect, we can only guess how many "crater cleaners" lost their lives to radiation sickness shortly thereafter. Both the city government and Night Corp have claimed casualties were kept to a minimum, while providing no official statistics to substantiate the claim. That being said, they have never been under pressure to release such figures. After all, most rescue, engineering, and rubble cleanup teams were not local Night Citizens, but nomads. Surprised you didn't know? Don't be. It is a fact many history courses tend to overlook. The city employed hundreds of nomad mercenaries, primarily from clans in Aldecaldo nation. These nomads were hungry for gainful work and the city needed experts who were not only experienced but brave enough to knowingly put their lives on the line - all so Arasaka could one day erect another tower in its place. But history is not without its sense of irony. These nomads, who so deliberately live outside our so-called "system," came to its very rescue. Not for the first time. And not for the last.

a main theme we find in this game is the idea that the system of corps and exploitation cannot be stopped by grandiose rebellious gestures--no amount of samurai songs, assassinating mayors, or even planting nukes in towers will change things. yet johnny, his friends and mercs at atlantis in the 2020s, including rogue, chose to rebel any way they could, thinking it better than not. johnny criticizes her lack of rebellious spirit CONSTANTLY in 2077.

but ultimately, johnny, trapped in mikoshi, didn’t get to see the outcome of what detonating the AHQ nukes did to night city’s fragile ecosystem. rogue, however, did--and likely watched their former allies, the aldecaldos, be forced to take dangerous work at AHQ’s ground zero (from lack of other opportunities as detailed in this shard), then die from radiation sickness throughout the following decades, all as a result of what she and johnny did to try and fight the system. and she also watched all the former mercenaries of atlantis be hunted down by arasaka.

so rogue sees firsthand what the cost of rebellion is and johnny doesn’t. and nomads, considered the most free of any of the factions we encounter in the game, are the cost.

#lore post #johnny silverhand #cyberpunk 2077 #cyberpunk2077 #cp2077 #cyberpunk lore

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jedivszombie · 4 years ago

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Okay gang, since there are a bunch of anons going fucking wild across the dash tonight about some joking posts about Mark Webber and Ann Neal - that were someone’s shocked reaction to the age difference between them. I thought it would be interesting to go on a little journey together.

This little journey is the story of how Ann and Mark met, and will hopefully give you guys some insight as to why the ‘sexism’ and ‘ageism’ arguments you are currently using are bullshit - and why using these words in such a buzzword way actually is not the kind of critical thinking you think it is. And why this situation is more akin to a student and teacher starting a relationship - which I think we can all agree is not advisable, even if you don’t know why.

Below the cut is going to be a little discussion of Mark and Ann the early days; the reason the age difference is iffy at best and fucked up at worst; and, a little discussion about how these situations require nuance and the ways in which f1blr often likes to blow situations out of proportion.

I have split it into three parts:

Mark and Ann: The Early Days (1994-1997)

Nuance, my old friend. Anon hate, my enemy. (tw: for racism here, be careful)

The pitfalls of discourse and the importance of looking after yourself.

A little disclaimer for you guys: I do not pretend to know anything about this relationship, other than what is readily available to learn about it from what they themselves have put out about it. I am just providing a timeline and some facts. Whatever conclusions you draw from it are your own.

Feel free to come for me if you so desire.

Mark and Ann: The Early Days (1994-1997)

We start our story in Australia in February, 1994. Mark is competing in Australian Formula Ford Championship and Ann Neal is the new media and PR officer for the category. This is their first meeting. Just so we know what’s up here Mark was 17 at the time, and Ann was absolutely an adult (apparently there is a 13 year age gap, which may not sound like much but we will get onto that later, which makes her roughly 30 when they first met).

Some key things to be aware of from this first meeting:

Mark is 17, Ann is about 30. Mark is a young racer, Ann is the media and PR officer for the category he races in.

In an excerpt from Aussie Grit, p. 57 to be exact, we get to find out what Ann had to say about the first time they met:

“She thought I was a bit of a smart-arse when we first met. ‘But I liked how bold and cheeky he was,’ she says, ‘and how mature he seemed. When I asked someone how old he was, I was shocked when they said 17 – he was confident beyond his years.’”

In another excerpt from Aussie Grit, p. 61, Mark tells us other things Ann remembers about their first meeting:

“Ann remembers our first meeting and my opening remark about her being so important. She can even remember what I was wearing – a stripey green and red top, one of those United Colors of Benetton things – so that was pretty prophetic, as things turned out!”

Now this may sound extremely cute to some of you, like they’re just having a normal ‘aww remember how we met’ moment. But let me please re-direct your attention back to the fact that Mark is 17 (and still not an adult yet if this is what you are gonna nitpick about) and Ann is very much an adult, in a position of power.

So, a teenager makes a quip about how important you are and you commit to memory what he was wearing the day it happened?

Now let’s bring in the first quote I put up there where Ann herself was recalling the first time they met. I would like to draw your attention to the following sentence: ‘and how mature he seemed. When I asked someone how old he was, I was shocked when they said 17 – he was confident beyond his years.’

Hmmmm, where have we all heard language like this used before? If, like me, you have some experience of adults trying to start inappropriate relationships with you as a teenager then you will be very familiar to this sort of language. The emphasis is on how mature he seemed, is what’s sticking out for me here tbh.

Now, if this had been a fleeting meeting, and they had met again a few years later, I would be more on board for whatever justification some of the anons have been trying to use. However, it wasn’t.

Again from Aussie Grit, p.61:

“After that first meeting we kept in touch. My family sometimes met up with Ann and Luke for weekend get-togethers, and I ensured she got her motor-sport fixes by dragging all my old F1 tapes out. By way of revenge she would bring down all her British Formula Ford tapes for me.”

Oh cool, so she gained the trust of his family and Mark was hanging out with her son. This is so sweet Alexa, play Chosen Family by Rina Sawayama. Real talk though, again if this is how it had ended - with them just being family friends - then we would not be having this conversation.

BUT, we all know how this little story ends so onwards we march. We shoot forward to late 1994, Mark has done okay in Formula Ford but his Dad is no longer able to fund him. SO, he turns to their old pal - the ever present and super helpful Ann, bless her heart - to try and drum up some sponsorship for Mark so he can race.

Little background on why Ann was chosen to try and help with this, I’ll give you 3 guesses and only one of them is correct. Yes, that’s right, it’s her experience - which she has managed to get by being 30 and having a background in motorsports. She started out as a motorsport journo and ended up dealing with press and PR for Paul Warwick (Derek Warwick’s brother). In 1986 she started dealing with Johnny Herbert’s media before working for Formula Ford in Europe in 1991.

Ann begrudgingly accepts and draws up plans with Mark, which leads him to a Yellow Pages sponsorship for his next season in Formula Ford, and beyond - how sweet, how nice, they are #winning! We stan teamwork besties! And Ann started working with Mark and his family to further his career.

Ann had a plan for Mark, as outlined in Aussie Grit, p.69-70:

“By the end of 1995 Annie told me, in no uncertain terms, that – and I quote – I had to get my arse out of there. She didn’t just mean Australian Formula Ford, either: she meant Australia. She thought it was time for me to go and have a crack at some of the big guys, and she proposed to help me go about it in a serious, business-like way.

‘How the f#*k are you going to get to Formula 1 coming from Queanbeyan?’ Anyone who wants to trace my journey should start with a piece of paper that Ann drew up on 6 July 1995.”

So, now Ann has outlined her hopes for Mark and a glimmering career in motorsport. I would like us to know that at this point in time Mark was the ripe old age of 18, going on 19.

In 1996 Ann and Mark moved properly to the UK so Mark could drive in the British Formula Ford Championship - at this point Mark is still 19. At this point he is living in the UK with Ann and her mother, and Ann’s son.

So this is probably sounding pretty okay so far and sure it’s just a business relationship with a business set up, like no real cause for concern. But then we discover that this business relationship had turned into a relationship-relationship pretty damn fast.

From the horses mouth himself, Aussie Grit, p.87:

“Back in England, Ann and I moved house to Aylesbury in Buckinghamshire, on the edge of motor sport’s equivalent of Silicon Valley. We had started out as teammates and friends on a mission but over time our friendship had deepened into something else. I enjoyed spending time with her and we felt entirely comfortable in each other’s company. Moving to England was a huge step for me and I think it was a case of us needing one another and that’s how the relationship was formed.”

Okay, okay, okay so I know at this point Mark is 19/20 he’s an adult right? He can make his own choices. But, can we please admit that at best it’s an iffy situation because of the position of power and authority she was in? In his life? For his career?

There are a few other excerpts I found particularly interesting, about Mark’s family’s reaction (all from Aussie Grit, chapter 3):

“My parents came over to the UK in the English summer of 1997. While they were thrilled about how things were developing for me in racing, they’d been less thrilled by the romantic relationship that was developing between Annie and me....” “...Annie was bitterly disappointed at my behaviour. Her plan to take me to the highest level of motor sport was starting to go horribly wrong, so she left Australia earlier than planned and headed back to Europe. My family arranged for Alan Docking to collect my belongings from the house we had been sharing and the one and only car Annie and I had at that stage...Campese Management told her that they had been instructed by the Webber family to terminate her role as my manager and that Campese Management would be taking over all aspects of my career, including the negotiation of my driving contracts.“

“While I knew Annie provided the support and guidance I needed in my racing career, I was missing her in so many other ways too. We were such a dynamic force in every sense; we could make things happen when we were together. We were teammates, soul mates, call it what you want.“

“As to Mum’s concern about our age difference, that has never been a factor for us. When we began to be more open about being together, perhaps the top end of the age gap shocked a few people. In those days people were less accepting of a big age difference between partners, especially when it’s our way round. It’s not such a big deal nowadays and it makes us laugh when so-called celebrities reveal they’re dating an older woman or younger man!“

While the Daily Mail is trash, the beginning of this video is very revealing to me - particularly Jackie Stewart’s comments from 00:12.

Obviously you can make up your own conclusions from all of this information, and I would once again like to point out that none of us - not me, not the anons, not you - actually know the nature of their relationship. They have been together for 24 years - good for them! Whatever they have going has obviously worked for them, this is not me trying to shit on that or anything, and I’m gonna be real I’m not the biggest Mark Webber fan.

Nuance, my old friend. Anon hate, my enemy.

All I want to do is add some nuance to the conversation, an overview of the timeline, an understanding of what the facts are. So that some of those cowardly anons (or anon) can hop off their self-built thrones and get a grip. The sexism and ageism argument literally does not apply here, for all of the evidence and reasons listed above - if the situation was flipped we would still be calling it out. The only difference is you guys would probably be on board with it being called out.

So Ann is a woman? So, what? Do you think she’s above reproach? You think one person’s 50 note post on this site is gonna rock the foundation of a relationship that has been 26 years in making? If you have answered yes to any of these questions then you are either: a) Mark Webber himself, or b) delusional as hell. You really think that responding by sending anon hate to a teenager, who btw only made a post calling out the age difference because she was shocked and had just discovered it, is the right way to go?

You really think that sending me this message, attacking other people in such a vile and racist manner is okay?

So you don’t like Nehir and Sera? Good for you, go block them, if you follow them, unfollow them. Those options are free and readily available to you.

For me, it’s so funny to see you hiding behind that little Anon mask spewing this vile shit. The commitment you have to proving that you are just a cowardly person with nothing better to do than rag on a bunch of different people for reblogging a post, that in the long run is not going to reach the people it’s about, is outstanding. I really hope you pat yourself on the back for this one.

The pitfalls of discourse and the importance of looking after yourself.

There has definitely been a spate of ‘conversations’ that have been happening recently that have very much been straying into the land of discourse, over very small comments or posts. I think that some people need to remember that we’re all here for our own entertainment and as soon as it stops being fun - you are allowed to log off; you are allowed to block people; you are allowed to unfollow people.

Sending anon hate is so counterproductive to whatever conversation you think you are starting or having with a person. Also guys, sometimes it’s not that deep - sometimes jokes are just jokes, sometimes someone finds out something they didn’t know about a driver or an ex-driver and they make a joke post about it. That does not give you the right to send them hate, or to make racist comments in other people’s asks.

Sometimes these discussions require a debate and sometimes discourse can be good - but honestly? I’m worried about some of you guys, it is not healthy to get so angry at other people for the things they post on their blogs that you are not obligated to follow or interact with at all.

I am also worried about people who turn every little thing into something discoursey. There are causes and issues to care about in this sport and community, for sure. But sometimes you also have to pick your battles - especially when I know a lot people in this community have fragile mental health. I do not say this to patronise any of you but to just provide a reminder that you do not need to engage with everything that makes your blood boil, and furthering some of these conversations sometimes is not doing you guys any good. Burnout is real.

Please take some time to take care of yourselves, the pandemic is doing a number on all of us and I know being online gives you a gateway to being connected to people, but sometimes you just have to walk away from a discussion. Sometimes you have to just go and reblog something unrelated, or stare at a photo of your favourite driver, or listen to some angry music. Anything else to process your knee jerk reaction, to give yourself time to figure out how you feel about something and whether it’s worth engaging in or not.

#maisie talks #the post that no one asked for but we sure as shit needed #anon hate below the cut #would also like to say that i am not pretending to know shit about their relationship and this is all information provided by the couple #themselves #under the cut is a bunch of information about their relationship up to you how you take it but i know how i feel #tw racism #i went insane i've seen the opposite of god #thnx ana for supporting my rage #here i am a hundred years late and a dollar short #mark webber

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lilacandladybugs · 3 years ago

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I personally am not religious at all but I've always tried my best to respect those who are and I think it's pretty lovely that you have something like that to help you feel safe and comfortable!

I hope this doesn't come across as demeaning but, I kinda find it interesting?? to have that sort of blind faith and belief is just interesting and kind of neat to me I suppose

I don't understand but I'm happy that you have something like that to keep you up in trying times :]

I'm glad that you feel that way! Also I'm not offended lmao you guys are all really friendly and I don't think you want to offend me so I will always take it that way. I am going to clarify something but I'm pretty sure this isn't what you mean so just for passersby~

Blind faith in anon's words i think means like belief in something that I can't see, which is valid, but some people use it to mean faith beyond reason so I'm going to briefly walk you through some thought process so you know that I didn’t just randomly choose this lol

I think the real reason I believe in God is this realization that we all to some extent believe in something, have faith in something. Even if you are agnostic, people still have to choose how they actively live their lives. Agnostics usually end up functioning as atheists, they don't know who God is, and so they function like he doesn't exist.

So we all at some point end up betting our lives on some belief system. We bet our present life, and any potential future life, on what we think we can understand right now. We bet our lives that God doesn't exist, or we bet our lives that he does. And even if someone chooses not to think about it, they're betting their lives that it isn't important.

We also all have to have a level of blind faith (imo), we believe that we can think, we believe that goodness or badness exists. We believe that reason exists, we believe in logic, in science, in our senses. Faith is just an assumption that something is true, and you can’t use logic to prove that logic is valid, so at some point you have to take it on faith. All premises are at some level an act of faith.

So then the question becomes, since I can’t know anything 100% certainly but I literally have to choose something, what do I choose? What seems most likely?

To me, it seems more likely that God aligned the stars and placed the Earth precisely where it is than that it happened by chance. It seems more likely that information came from an informant than that it came from no where, and it seems more likely that life came from a source than that life came from death.

It seems more likely to me that Jesus was who he said he was than that he was just a good person, because good people don’t lie, they don’t mislead entire populations to bet their lives on a lie. But Jesus claimed to be God and he seemed like a good man. It seems more likely to me that the Bible was the word of God than that it was able to be constructed over thousands of years by people who never knew each other in three different languages and still survived thousands of years.

And the one that hits the most is that I think it is more likely that people matter than that they don’t. It’s more likely in my mind that morality exists than that it doesn’t, and if it does exist it must have been defined by someone outside of ourselves, thus making it more likely to be God.

Here is an excerpt I wrote from this post, that explains a little bit more:

Nietzsche, Kant, and Epictetus are all similar in that i have the same issue with all of them. They all want to put the anchor of meaning within the individual human. But i swear to god when i say that i want to hug my brother again i dont just mean i want to hug a person, i mean that i miss that person, that there was something that was valuable about him not just to me but that was valuable to the entire universe, and that when he died that piece of the universe was lost. epictetus’ argument was that human beings are simply mortal beings, and so grieving them is an unreasonable reaction to that fact of reality - we are all going to die, so why get attached to people like they’re immortal?

Which raises the question for me, why do we grieve like we’re meant to be immortal? Why is it that the world trembles under the crushing weight of death? That even birds miss their mates when they die, that elephants linger by the graves of their ancestors, that dogs continue to look for their masters once they’ve passed? Are we, like epictetus nietzsche and kant too, are we the only possible anchor for meaning? Do things in and of themselves mean nothing except in relation to us, so we can’t say, “death is bad,” but only, “death is bad to me”? it just doesn’t seem true

That’s who I’ve come to understand God to be. Things are complex and full of logic and information and cohesion, because when God spoke the universes into existence he planned it out carefully and tenderly. Things want to be loved and cared for and valued because God is triune, he exists as one God with three persons, loving one another for all of existence, and creating life to share in that eternal love with them. Human beings grieve one another’s deaths like we aren’t meant to die because we weren’t meant to die, death was a natural result of our decision to part ways with the giver of life, and leaving him meant that we die, and it isn’t how it’s meant to be, it’s one of the greatest tragedies to ever occur. When my brother died it felt like the universe lost something that was intrinsically valuable, not just to me, because my brother was created for a purpose by our creator, and his meaning is anchored not in my human flesh that will pass away but in the very foundation of our known universe, in the character of who God is.

Anyway if you’re interested I can send you some philosophy and history behind why I believe what I believe, it for sure wasn’t developed out of no where I’ve spent years questioning it and thinking about it. But most people don’t want to read that much so if you want more you can hmu in messages or send another ask idk XD

Thanks anon! Sorry for hijacking your ask I know you aren’t that interested lol

#long post #religion #religion tw #eslyea #christianity #christianity tw #i save all posts about god to @in the whisper

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