#I hope this excerpt is kind of interesting I never want to post parts of my writing that are just random snippets lol

[myokk]

Plz sir more chapters. 🥣

I'm so sorry it's been so long since I updated :') I'M ALMOST DONE WITH THE NEXT CHAPTER THOUGH !!!!​ 🫶​​🫶​​🫶​

It's been really difficult...I'm getting to the interesting parts of my fic, I've set everything up and have been leaving little breadcrumbs here and there hinting at where it's going, but now that I'm at the part where I start to weave it all together????😭 ​It's a lot of fun and I’m reaching the parts I’ve been thinking about since last December/January, but I'm so slow at writing…thinking HOW exactly I want to do it😆​

Here's a little excerpt 🫶​:

When the door of the Potions classroom quietly opened, Sebastian could tell that Eloise was trying to sneak in and be as inconspicuous as possible. It was all for naught. The class erupted in whispers at her sudden appearance and Sebastian found he couldn’t tear his eyes away from her as she made her way to an empty potions station in the back of the classroom.

Her head was tucked down, long brown braid swishing behind her as she sat down. Sebastian stared at her back as she shakily took out her copy of Magical Drafts and Potions, a blank roll of parchment, and her quill. Once she had set everything up, making sure it was all in place, she folded her hands in her lap and stared at the textbook in front of her but made no move to grab the quill.

She couldn’t have written anything, even if she’d wanted to.

Her right hand was completely covered in a crisp, white bandage and she was resting it palm up in her lap.

Professor Sharp cleared his throat loudly to get the attention of the class again, twenty heads turned in his direction and away from Eloise, and continued his lecture as if nothing had happened. Sebastian couldn’t look away from her, though. His eyes traced the defeated curve of her shoulders. She was normally so poised, especially when she knew others were watching her; one thing he had noticed - he would be a fool not to - was that she put on a false bravado when she felt put on the spot, that she had never let herself look so vulnerable before, unless it was just the two of them. What had happened to her? Why hadn’t she sat with him, or with Imelda and Anne? She hadn’t even so much as glanced in their direction.

“What happened?”

Ominis’s whisper pulled Sebastian out of his musings and he glanced over to his friend.

[nenunaiad]

A Fear Even Greater: BSD Ch. 121 vs. BEAST Ch. 4

I was reading the new chapter today and I couldn't help but notice some similarities to BEAST that I wanted to share. I'm sure I'm not the first person to notice this nor do I usually do this kind of analysis post but I thought it was interesting and I'd like to share so please bear with me!

BSD CH. 121 SPOILER WARNING

I've highlighted the segments from each work that I think are thematically relevant to each other in the same colours because my brain works that way, but if yours doesn't don't worry - I will explain:

In YELLOW we have Atsushi's instinct to flee in the face of the enemy. I touch on this a bit more later on but BEAST!Atsushi is further along this thought process than canon!Atsushi. B!Atsushi seems mostly afraid of pain and violence while canon!Atsushi is more despondent. He's lost hope and had his spirit broken from watching his surrogate family die in front of him (understandably, poor baby)

In GREEN we have Dazai acknowledging/calling out Atsushi's cowardice. BEAST!Dazai is mostly describing how Atsushi used to be while canon!Dazai is snapping Atsushi out of his current doom-spiral.

He does this in most of his other hallucination appearances, not dissimilar to his interaction with Atsushi in Ch. 25.

In PURPLE we have the core of this whole rambling post (*´▽`*) There really isn't any contrast in these two, both B!Dazai and canon!Dazai are saying the same thing here.

Which brings us to CYAN where we see how the purple bits deviate slightly with context. It's a minor difference but B!Dazai lists the things that Atsushi used to fear (pain, violence, etc.) but canon!Dazai lists the qualities that Atsushi feels he's lacking (courage and hope). B!Atsushi is already able to use this "technique" (for lack of a better term) in combat, likely because he was exposed to terrifying situations earlier and more frequently than canon!Atsushi and has had more time to adapt to them (again, poor baby [╥﹏╥])

Now in RED we skip ahead a bit in the BEAST chapter to Dazai giving Atsushi his next directive. B!Dazai uses Atsushi to enact his plan and (eventually) bring Atsushi and Akutagawa together while canon!Dazai urges Atsushi to compartmentalize and focus on saving the people that he's still able to save.

Canon!Dazai's request is reminiscent of Oda's final words to him which - knowing Asagiri - could very well be intentional even if this is obviously not the "real Dazai" but rather the manifestation of some part of Atsushi's inner thoughts or Byakko (personally my money's on the tiger theory but we'll see). The Oda/Dazai/Atsushi/Akutagawa parallels will never stop and I'm here for it tbh.

[Dark Era excerpt from this translation from @nkhrchy]

Which brings us to MAGENTA (Could I have done these in chromatic order? Yes. Did I only realize that after typing it all out? Absolutely.) In both cases at this point Atsushi comes to a realization and I think the difference in what that realization is really drives home how well BEAST uses alternate universe to emphasize characterization in canon. Some of this is based on my assumptions about the final page of Ch. 121 and is therefore at risk of being jossed next month BUT I think that what canon!Atsushi is realizing in the final panel ("who you really are") is that this Dazai apparition comes from The Tiger. If it isn't Byakko explicitly I think it's fair to say that it's coming from somewhere within Atsushi himself. So, that being said, let me explain a little bit: B!Atsushi's only recourse is to take refuge in Dazai's plans/orders. His "greater fear" stems from an instance when he deviated from those orders and as a result he feels safest behind the bulwark of going along with Dazai's will. Not the healthiest coping mechanism, but it makes sense considering what B!Atsushi has experienced up to that point. Canon!Atsushi, however, is (I assume) realizing that the safety and reassurance - however harsh it may seem - of the Dazai in his head has actually been coming from himself the entire time. I think it's safe to say that whether it's his subconscious or Byakko, this apparition takes the shape of Dazai because that's who Atsushi trusts during times of crisis; that's the voice he's desperately wishing he could hear. Ultimately canon!Atsushi is in a much better place (despite... everything lol) because he's able to recognize his own internal strength instead of clinging to the safety he sees in Dazai. B!Atsushi does eventually start this process after Dazai fires him and Kyouka (and then steps off the roof of HQ RIP) but he has to take the time first to heal from the anxiety his violent upbringing inflicted on him (quite understandably - let's all say it together: poor babey T_T) There's more I could say about canon!Akutagawa undergoing a similar process re:Dazai but this post is too long! So I won't ♡

OKAY! My brain has never been satisfied with using one word when I could use ten so if you made it to the end thank you and I'm sorry ♡ I am not a writer and doing this reminded me why!! So I will definitely stick to drawing pictures (I'm almost finished one I swear! I'm like a plant, I wither into nothing in the winter months)

[sarahreesbrennan]

sorry if you have already answered this, but are we getting any queer rep in Long Live Evil? 💕 i am super excited to see what you've cooked up for us either way!

I came back after I'd gone off on one, seeing the post had struck a chord and being thankful but fearful of my inbox. Let me say with delighted surprise that all the asks are very kind.

Thank you for this one, sweet anon. I am so excited and so nervous about my best beloved, Long Live Evil, and about coming back with a new book of my own after so long, when I believed for a long time it was hopeless.

I'm really grateful to find readers waiting for me. But I know readers are naturally more invested in characters they know: I extremely appreciate you taking an interest in the future.

So, short answer: YEAH you are!

Long answer: Long Live Evil wouldn't exist without its queer narratives.

C.S. Pacat and I were talking in our virtual Brookline Booksmith event recently about our favourite Disney villains. C.S. Pacat picked Maleficent, a fine choice. I picked Snow White's Evil Queen. We agreed we loved most of them.

Here's the relevant excerpt I was quoting in my last post from Carmen Maria Machado's In The Dream House, saying 'I think a lot about queer villains, the problem and pleasure and audacity of them.' Well... me too.

I think many of us have experienced feeling made wrong in some way - for not wanting what society said we should or being what we were expected to be - and that one step along that journey of discovery is going 'Okay, if it's wicked, I'll just BE wicked.' And that's part of why those characters appeal - because they seem free, and free of pain.

But modern storytelling isn't confined to coding, and audiences can now feel free to expect, not the certainty, but the possibility characters who aren't introduced as such still might actually turn out to be LGBT+. The essays I've read about Supernatural, Teen Wolf, Sherlock, Ted Lasso, Fox 9-1-1... I think the latest argued Jaime Lannister was bisexual. (Pretty persuasive.)

I remember reading the Raven Cycle going 'oh? OH.' I remember being at a writing retreat in 2013 and running through the halls screaming about Nico diAngelo. Ten years later we got a Nico diAngelo book co-written by Rick Riordan and the amazing Mark Oshiro. I watched Red, White and Royal Blue with a friend and she said 'honestly I hope the guys get together, but...' and I (having read the book) silenced myself with a herculean effort and watched her hopes come true. I didn't know about The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo and almost dropped the book in a swimming pool. But I've also read and watched many things thinking, just maybe... oh, no. Still that hope existing is meaningful, the thought that if the story had gone differently, if this revelation had happened, if this realisation had happened, if, if, if...

Long Live Evil is a story about the story going differently and asking yourself questions about your own nature, and the escape to fiction of those who really need escape. The book is based on that 'if,' and the 'if' itself is joyous, and brings me back to the idea of gleefully transgressing the narrative that much villain love is based on.

It's also an ensemble story with a rogue's gallery of characters and multiple PoVs. (I was much inspired by the Six of Crows ensemble.) So it isn't about any one character's romance, and by the book's nature there exist many possibilities. A critique partner read and said 'I didn't know you were going THERE' and I responded 'Should I?'

I've never been one to confirm where stories are going, and I won't do so now. I'm not talking about any one character or telling you a direction.

I'm just saying yes to rep. It's baked in.

[ddarker-dreams]

Hi! I have a question, you can ignore this if you want to but I’ve found myself really loving the way you write and the range of writing you can articulate as well. Speaking from someone who is nowhere close to that level of skill you possess, would you mind being able to explain your journey of writing, if you practiced any particular methods or anything else to get to this stage you are at right now? Unless you have been gifted the talent of writing from birth and didn’t need to try for much long or long enough to call it a journey. Could you also spare some tips and advice for someone who wants to start writing stories and what to look into/practice?

I love your work a lot and I am constantly waiting for the notification of your new posts, despite not being a writer myself I do love breaking down and analysing writing and your stories are always such good options for me to look into. Thank you so much for writing and sparing your time to produce such well done pieces of work — I felt extremely corny writing this, excuse me for this language, I promise I’m not a pimp!

THIS ISN'T CORNY AT ALL!!!! ❌🌽❌!!!!

i'm deeply grateful for all your kind words, thank you so so much 😭

i don't mean this in a self-deprecating way, but i've never considered myself a gifted or super incredible writer, i just get hype about story ideas and try to make them as good as i can. due to that, i start sweating when people ask for advice because i don't consider myself qualified... i do have a writing advice tag, but take everything i say with a grain of salt!! if it's fanfic literally all that matters is that you enjoy whatever you're writing.

i'm more than happy to share my writing journey though!! it's kinda fun to reminiscence.

i've loved reading and writing ever since i was a little lock. while thinking about this ask, it occurred to me that what i've always been the most invested in are the characters. i'd think about 275894275 different storylines with them. i didn't start writing fanfic until i was around 11 though, everything was handwritten. or in flipnote hatena.

i did a lot of fanfic writing from 11-14 buuuut then my interest in it kinda fizzled out. it wasn't until i watched hxh for the first time that i took it up again bc chrollo is that powerful. that's when i started conceptualizing HWR. i looked at my early writing folder, the first HWR fanfic i wrote was in 2016 when i was 15 ?? here's a cursed excerpt:

anyway, once i started making googly eyes at chrollo, it was gg. i've been writing often ever since.

what's helped me the most is to focus on the elements i find interesting. for example, i like fleshing out my MCs, focusing on dialogue, and developing a universe around the main pairing. because i enjoy this so much it's (mostly) always easy to devote time and effort toward it.

so i think it comes down to finding out what niches you like and working with those. some writers prefer to write with heavy prose, others are more succinct, some writers like dialogue, others prefer to be more action based... etc etc. this does require a little time if you're completely new to writing, but you know yourself best. you'll eventually pick up on what part of the story you're most excited to write.

this isn't particularly mind-blowing or anything but i hope it helps some 😭 what completely Altered my mindset was when i realized i can be as self-indulgent as humanly possible. cringe is not in my vocabulary. write a MC where every single character is in love with them if you want. write a 100k word fic about your OC being isekaid into x world. post about your f/os, draw art of you with your fav, go ham.

[randomseacucumber]

So, because I am very excited to finally read Wind and Truth, I have decided that I will be doing reaction posts as I read. Each post will cover each 'day' in the book, plus the corresponding interludes. Obviously, this will not be spoiler-free, and spoilers for other books in the Cosmere may also appear. All reactions will be under a cut. I'll also be tagging these posts with #Ivy reads Wind and Truth, so if you don't want to see them, just filter that out.

Anyway...

Wind and Truth reactions: Day 1

Prologue

This is the only part of the book that was released as a preview that I've actually read, but that was, like, three years ago, so I don't remember much, and I'm sure edits have been made since then

Anyway, Gavilar is an idiot

I really should have re-read the rest of the series prior to this book's release, or at least watched some recap videos, but here we are anyway

One thing that stands out to me is that Sanderson's writing is a bit...immature? I've read almost all of his stuff, but for some reason, this is really the first time I've noticed this. It doesn't both me that much, though

Okay, so Axindweth worked for Gavilar. I remember being pretty curious about her in Oathbringer (?)

Navani deserves better

~It was Kelsier all along~

RIP Gavilar, you deserved it

I don't have a ton else to say about the prologue, especially since I've had a chance to process its contents before, but it's certainly interesting

Chapter 1

Kaladin!!!

I remember seeing people speculating that Syladin would become canon, based on the way Syl is being described, and I do hope that won't happen. Kaladin is a character that I've never felt the need to ship with anyone, but if I had to choose a ship for him, I'd go with Shakadolin. Of course, I do adore his dynamic with Syl, but I've always seen them more as a QPR than anything else. Obviously, no shade to anyone who does ship them, but I personally just hope that doesn't happen. Anyway, though, I'm not sure it will, based on the descriptions of Syl? I just think that she likes to play dress-up

Also, I completely forgot that Sanderson refuses to write curse words! Honestly, it's kind of charming

Shallan!!! (Gives her a hug)

Chapter 2

Oroden is adorable! I'm so happy that Kaladin has him

Okay, some interesting stuff about Urithiru

Nooo, not another poop joke!

I do quite like Kaladin's family <3

The wind is talking to Kaladin??? That's new

Okay, yeah, there is definitely emphasis on Syl looking older (sigh)

With the way everything is being framed...I'm scared for Kaladin

Chapter 3

The excerpts before each chapter are certainly interesting. I wonder who's writing them...

Maya!!!

Wit!!!

I love the Ghostbloods, but I cannot fucking take them seriously

Wait, who is Ba-Ado-Mishram again??

Oh, okay

Chapter 4

Kaladin learning to play the flute?? I love this

Hmm, interesting about the Wandersail

Okay, so we're just accepting that the Wind is talking to Kaladin, despite the Wind as a conscious entity not being something previously established?

The discussion of the Passions is really interesting. I'm not familiar enough with Mormonism to know how Sanderson might feel about the idea of salvation through works, but this discussion feels as if it's criticizing the idea. And honestly, it reflects some of how I feel about faith in general

The talk of hope makes me think of Kelsier

Wit is right! Sazed IS among the best!!!

Kaladin the therapist confirmed

The use of the word therapist does make me wonder about linguistics some, though. Is Wit using the same word he heard on another planet, or is he somehow translating it into the language of Roshar? How does that work?

Chapter 5

From page 54: "For her, it was the day when a set of parents had, for the first time, wanted her." I'm not crying, you're crying

Chapter 6

Szeth being unintentionally hilarious

Oh, the thing about the ancient snow is so neat!

I do feel like a lot of the dialogue here is somewhat unnatural. Everyone is talking like a therapist

I don't like the thing about Kaladin being in line for the throne. He's a good leader, but I really don't want to see him as a king. It just doesn't really fit for his character

Chapter 7

Adolin in the bestest boy. He better not die

Oh shit

Chapter 8

Yay, Nightblood!

Lift better get some page time

The rock in Kaladin's pocket...I wonder if Oroden put it there

Oh, good for Dabbid!

What did I just say about Adolin???

Chapter 9

The Knights of Wind and Truth excerpts are still befuddling...my best guess is that Sigzil is writing them

Okay, thank god Adolin is okay

You go, Shallan!!

Chapter 10

A pack human?? Syl, I love you

Sanderson's sense of humor can be so cringe, but in a way that's charming

Kaladin going off of this woman seems a bit out of character, but okay

Chapter 11

Hmm, Ba-Ado-Mishram seems interesting...

Adolin really is the bestest boy <3

I love the art at the end of the chapter. Of course Adolin makes friend with a spren horse

Chapter 12

Okay, yeah, I do think Sigzil must be writing these excerpts

Rlain!

Oh my god, the part with the tattoo!

Chapter 13

I'm still super curious about Sja-anat

Duel-wielding Shallan would be awesome

I am really, really scared for Kaladin

Interlude 1

Felt?? You were a Ghostblood all along??

RIP Kalak, I guess

Interlude 2

THIS is why Taravangian is one of the most fascinating villains I have ever encountered

Day 1 was definitely interesting, and I'm very much curious to see how things continue...

[butterflies-and-bumble-bees]

6 and 9 for the book ask game

6. What book would you change the end of?

Moriarty by Anthony Horowitz - there is a twist ending that (I at least felt) was completely out of the blue and only there for shock value. it drove me crazy (also they killed one of my favourite characters)

..............................................................................................................................

9. Have you attempted to write a book or something? What?

I have like 5 writing WIPs atm

Ones that I actually have done some amount of work on:

The dystopian story I posted an excerpt from back in December, for the inklings challenge. ~ My word doc for the story, including the excerpt from the inklings challenge, currently has 2933 words. ~ I also have two more documents: one with a detailed outline, and another with character/world-building notes.

A short story I wrote a first draft for, about a little girl who gets lost while on a hike with her family and receives help from an unlikely source. ~ As I never finished typing up my handwritten draft I have no idea how many words

My dimension/time travel story. It kinda dips into a bunch of different genres including several flavors of scifi, fantasy, mystery, and more I can't think of rn. ~ I have written out multiple outlines/timelines for this story, (and made several Pinterest boards) to try and help me wrap my head around what happens/wrestle it into a narrative that makes sense to people who are not me.

A unfinished short story about Ni Ban, the Irish mermaid princess who became a saint. I hope to write a collection of short saint stories for children in the vein of Once Upon A Time Saints by Ethel Pochaki. But this is the only one I've begun work on for it so far. ~ My working draft currently has about 500 words

The Cow, an as of now completed short story I wrote about the traveling theatre troupe from the Comedia Del Arte plays my theatre group did. It's kind of a slice of life story about one of the many misadventures this group of wanna-be dnd bards encounters. ~ It's just about 1000 words. ~ I might post it if anyone's interested.

Ones I have living min my brain rent free

The (short?) story I came up with the basics of a few days ago. It's set in the western frontier. (Or a steampunk version of it {I'm not sure if I wanna go the historically accurate/or historical fantasy route just yet})

Another concept I just came up with that's essentially my version of the Twitter ARG gr3gory88, cause I watched the episode of creepcast about it and they came up with a bunch of different variations of the story that I wanted to explore. ~ I have at least 2 or 3 versions/ways the story could go rn. Part of this is cause I can see a few different approaches being taken by different protagonists. It also depends on how close one wishes to follow the gr3gory88 story. (I basically have a punnet square with protags on one side and different plots on the other).

[shame-is-a-wasted-emotion]

Wip Wednesday

Happy wip Wednesday to you Izzy!

Thank you for tagging me @special-bc-ur-part-of-it

So, you might as well know the 22 Google doc files post of mine. And this week, I was able to abandon all these for now and start another story (heeere we go again)

This is an excerpt of what I'm working on

"Kurt's schedule was quite different for the last 2 years. Once he was diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety, his editor at Vogue.com, Isabelle Wright was kind enough to consider Kurt's health over work. In the initial days, he was allowed to work full time from home. He tried too hard to design but it was a hell ride. When Burt saw the pathetic state of his son, he knew what he should do. And that was how Kurt met Dr. Blaine. 

Loading his day with antidepressants and anxiolytics, he started to feel better in a few weeks. Blaine gave him not just the treatment for his depression; he gave him hope. He gave him happiness. He showed that there was always a chance of true love after a tragedy."

I don't know if it is interesting for you guys. But you can never guess the plotline from this. And I've been cooking an idea of spinning a fic for Alex x Henry. I need an entry to another fandom. Don't worry,Klaine is still my mother ship.

Please do tell if the excerpt is appealing

I would to know what are you guys working on

@gleefulpoppet @rockitmans @fallevs @mynonah (for your art), @esilher (for your art), and anybody who wants to play.

Of course no pressure :)

[ask-the-shichibukai]

Hello, everyone! I hope you are all well.

I'm trying to get some of the Warlords to tell me what to post next 😂 but in the meantime, I'm happy to tell you that I officially turned the fanfiction I posted here a few days ago ("How the Shichibukai Meeting went to Hell") into the first part of a series on ao3 called "How to make a crocodile and a hawk' blood pressure skyrocket - by D. Doflamingo". Take a look at it if you liked the first part and now want to know in what kind of insanity our favorite Warlords will get themselves into 😁

If you are interested, the series is still open to suggestions, since I just started to work on it. The rating will be mostly T because it was thought of as a comedy. The plan is to make 4 instances of the series (3 parts and a spin-off/prologue) more or less.

The general idea is:

0) "The Warlords' Job interview" (chapter 1 - 2 - 3). Have you ever wondered how the WG ended up choosing that group of recalcitrant madmen (and -woman) in particular as their pirate assets? That's exactly what I want to show you: the time when poor Sengoku spent a very bad morning - turned to worse afternoon - having to interview the original members of the Shichibukai to see if they are suited for the job.

(it is an AU because they joined the ranks at different moments of the canon timeline while here they all show up at the Navy HQ at the same time; and Coby is also impossibly present for reasons).

1) The aforementioned first part, which was posted both here and on ao3.

2) "How a stupid, stupid plan was formed" (one shot). The sequel of the first part, where the Warlords and the Admirals attend the real meeting with all the shenanigans it implies.

3) "The misadventures of a crocodile, a hawk and a flamingo". A probably multi-chapter fic where Crocodile, Doflamingo and (a reluctant and unwilling) Mihawk are sent by the Marines to gather information about the emperor Red-haired Shanks in a mission that'll only spell trouble for them. Shanks has in fact been aware of it since the beginning and so he takes every opportunity to make fun of their attempts with embarrassing countermeasures. To add salt to the injury, they are forced to share their living space for all the duration of the mission. And, because it never should be said that they are petty people, they decide to make the resulting frustration everyone else's problem. Excerpt:

Mihawk: "Tell me again why are we doing this?"

Crocodile: "For the same reason we do everything else. The paycheck."

Doflamingo: "Come on, we'll have so much fun together, the three of us! Trust me and lighten up, you mummies!"

Let me know what you think of this project and if there's something you'd like to see in the still-work-in-progress instances of the series (0, 2, 3) 😁

[lennoxlorian]

OUTLING & BLURBS

Some people like outlines of their plots. Some people know what their plot is and pants it while others believe that there is no such thing as plot. Because if you're writing about "real" characters, what you would call "plot" would not be a "plot" but it would be their life. (I hope that wasn't too confusing.) That's great for whoever it works but I've always been a planner.

I have my fourth grade teacher, Mrs. Grissom to thank for that. When we began writing, preparing for state exams she taught us how to write an outline. Although I don't use the exact outlining method that she taught (I still remember it exactly!), the thing is that I have to have one! But this is why I need an outline:

I can get carried away very easily and my story could end up adding things that a) weren't originally there and b) actually take away/hurt the story in the process

Because of 1. It helps me to know where my story needs to go. I discovered this during NaNoWriMo 2013 and it worked wonders for me.

I would like to show my entire planning process but I don't want to give away my novel just yet. Maybe one day, I'll post the actual outlines and excerpts and such. Until then, I'm going to skirt around what I can.

Basically, I start off with a BLURB. Well, I call it a blurb because I have no other word for it. Anyway, I do a 1-2 sentence summary about the novel. I basically look at the summaries on the New York Times Bestsellers list and take a page from that book. (HAAHAHHAAH! See what I did there?) For example, this is the BLURB/1-2 sentence summary for John Green's The Fault in Our Stars:

A 16-year-old heroine faces the medical realities of cancer.

We all know what the novel is about but this breaks it down into the simplest form. No descriptions, no names of character. Short, sweet and to the point. Here's another. This one is from Ransom Riggs Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children:

An island, an abandoned orphanage and a collection of curious photographs.

That one doesn't exactly tell us what the novel is about - we can pretty much get an idea from the title but the "BLURB" is intriguing enough that you want to know more.

I know, I'm starting off backward but this is me and my process. I do this because whenever I get around to trying to sell the novel or submit to an agent, I'll have something short and sweet and hopefully! interesting enough to catch their attention. But for craps and giggles here's mine (One of very few things I'll share about the novel this early in the stage):

The government made her and now, they want to destroy her.

That's simple and intriguing, right? And I know. I'm very early in the process and there's a good chance that it could drastically change from this initial idea but the positive thing out of this is that 1) I have an idea and 2) It has a lot of potential. Or at least, I think so.

Don't get me wrong, I don't start off with the the "blurb", of course. I start with an idea like everyone else and get so excited that the details, characters and scenes I've already written part of are never too far behind. But the idea is to get that simple, tiny summary and so I "squish" it until I get the simplest form of a summary. Kind of like grilling burgers when they say don't squish the burgers because it gets dry and loses its flavor. When it comes to the blurb, I don't want flavor. I just want the meat.

And that's how my outlining process begins.

I have a feeling, I'm going to use a lot of analogies while writing about this process...

[transcendersmedia]

I’ll make it up to her!

Games that are about relationships and making tough choices in regards to other characters can evoke quite a lot of emotions. We have already talked a bit about how some players objected to being forced into a relationship with Dagger in Knife Sisters.

Another very emotional message we got from a player was about not being able to date a specific character, namely Ayana, Leo’s best friend. Leo and Ayana are very close, but depending on how you play, and how you communicate, there might be some strain on the relationship between them.

I’m going to show you excerpts from this conversation because I think it’s kind of interesting.

It all started with me getting a rather intimidating message, that read like this:

You know what, the Knife Sisters game should be reported, cause it’s the worst game I’ve ever played.

I thought there would be a possibility for Leo to have a romance with Ayana, (not the two ****** Vicki and Mo), so I’ll never play that game again.

At first I thought about just leaving it be, because it was clearly written in affect, but then I decided to respond anyway, so I wrote:

Hi! I understand your disappointment, but unfortunately, there isn’t an option to romance Ayana in the game, sorry!

Then the person wrote back:

Don’t think I didn’t like the game, (I wasn’t completely sincere before, I actually liked it).

I played the game once, got to the end and got shivers down my spine, and tears in my eyes, so I quit, then I regretted it, because I actually liked the game more than I thought, so thank you for one of the best games I played in a long time.

/…/ it’s just that after the first playthrough, when Leo got ‘together’ with Mo, I felt so bad because of how Ayana reacted, that’s when I hoped that Ayana was one of the people Leo could get together with.

So, the reason this player was upset was that they had such a guilty conscience for the actions they had taken, in the shape of Leo, that they wanted to make it up to Ayana by dating her.

To this I replied:

I understand how you feel, that it could’ve been nice to get to be with Ayana as well.

It’s hard to say why I chose it to be that way – but I think it’s got to do with that Leo and Ayana were very close, and Ayana was such an important person in Leo’s life, that Leo wouldn’t want to risk losing her by having a romance with her – if you understand what I mean?

And then I got this reply:

Yeah, you did an amazing job, (I hope there will be more games like this, but please give us more options). And yes, it’s so rare that such a good game comes out (and maybe that’s why I was a little……. well, I’m sorry for what I said).

All I want is that you keep making games like this. :)

Aww.

What do you make of this? As you might imagine, I’m very happy I got back to that player instead of just leaving it be, and having a bad feeling about it, which would probably have stuck with me for days. Sometimes it’s better to open up a conversation to try and see what lies behind an angry message. Sometimes, it definitely isn’t. So how to tell the difference? I don’t know. In this case, I thought back on working in IT support as one of my first jobs, and I remembered that sometimes when people wrote angry messages, they could turn around completely if they got a nice message back, and I sort of wanted to try it. In this case, it ended well.

But this conversation is also part of a bigger picture around how to handle relationships in games. I’ve learned some valuable things from the player feedback on Knife Sisters, that has got to do with characters and relationships, and this specific exchange has been part of that process. In my next post I will elaborate more on these findings.

What’s your experience from playing or making games that contain relationships? Have you ever felt bad for what you did to a character in a game? (I recently got told by someone about a game experience that was really bad, because of what they felt forced to do to a character in the game. I’m going to play that game and analyze it, and get back about my experience later on.) If you have thoughts about relation games, we’ll be happy to discuss in comments!

[quelsentiment]

✨ 2022 Writing Year In Review ✨

Thanks so much to @haztobegood for tagging me :))

1. Number of stories posted to AO3: 12

2. Word count posted for the year: 107,847

3. Fandoms I wrote for:  One Direction, Shaw Mendes, Video Blogging RPF (Dream and co.)

4. Pairings: OT5, Niall/Zayn, Niall/Harry, Niall/Louis, Niall/Liam, Niall/Shawn (so many Niall pairings wtf), Zayn/Liam, Zayn/Louis, Zayn/Harry, Liam/Louis, Dream/Georgenotfound

5. Story with the most:

Kudos: In the midst of a storm

Bookmarks: In the midst of a storm

Comments: In the midst of a storm

6. Work I’m most proud of (and why):

I feel like I have to answer In the midst of a storm. Writing this fic was extremely frustrating at times because I had this amazing picture of it in my head but I felt like I could never do it justice due to lack of time, energy, and stability. I pushed myself through it and managed to finish it, though, and honestly some comments I got on it made me look at it in a much more positive light! Hopefully I’ll be able to read it back one day without cringing too much lol

7. Work I’m least proud of (and why):

Probably As long as you’re not afraid to feel. Not that I think it’s bad or anything, but I feel like you can tell by reading it that I wasn’t really into it. It’s one of these fics whose idea I came up with early on, but only started working on it months afterwards due to other commitments, and by then I’d kind of lost my initial interest in it :/ I do think it’s a pretty fun one, but it could have been much better if I’d worked on it as soon as I started brainstorming it

8. Share or describe a favorite review you received:

As I said, some of the reviews on In the midst of a storm really warmed my heart and kinda made me change my opinion on it! Shoutout to @lululawrence‘s lovely comments especially 😊

9. A time when writing was really, really hard:

Ugh, the entire year until September, basically. 2022 has been a very stessful year for me, and despite wanting to make writing a priority, it definitely felt like I’d lost my mojo at times. I only started to pull myself out of it once I 1. moved back to Canada and 2. got into the Dream fandom - I probably just needed a change after 3 years of focusing exclusively on 1d, I guess

10. A scene or character you wrote that surprised you: 

I wrote a few smut-adjacent scenes for It the midst of a storm that did surprise me, or at least were a new experience for me lol

11. A favorite excerpt of your writing:

From Running From The Sun

 “I don’t. I don’t want you,” Niall protests, but it sounds half-hearted at best. Louis almost has her in a chokehold now, and it’s time for her to land the final blow.

 “Yes, you do. You think I haven’t seen the way you were looking at me earlier, while you were dancing with that guy? You think I can’t hear your heart beat faster whenever I get a little too close?” She punctuates her words by taking the last step that separates her and Niall, and now she’s got the slayer right in front of her again. Right where she wants her. “Hell, you think I don’t notice the blood rushing to your cheeks right now?” she adds in a mere whisper. “You think-”

 “Shut up,” Niall hisses out. Louis can see her swallow, and she knows she’s got her now.

 “Make me,” she dares her.

12. How did you grow as a writer this year: 

It’s probably gonna sound dramatic but, for the major part of the year, I’ve felt like I was regressing as a writer. I’d constantly be second-guessing everything I wrote down, including stuff that I never had a problem with before (like dialogues). It’s been pretty exhausting, but in the end I guess it did make me grow, in that it made me more aware of my strengths and weaknesses.

A more practical answer would be that I wrote for new pairings and fandoms, and as mentioned before I even wrote some more explicit scenes, which is something I never thought I’d be able to do, much less to share 😳

13. How do you hope to grow next year:

Continue posting for the Dream fandom. I’m currently working on a longer fic for it that I’m really excited about!

Otherwise I’d like to get back into writing everyday, and like Jinny said, try to edit less while writing even though that habit is so ingrained in me that it might prove to be difficult.

14. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc): 

Oh god... My introvert tendencies came back in full force this year, and I ended up taking a big step away from the 1d writing community, unfortunately. Maybe that’s something that I’ll try to change next year too, because I do miss these interactions!

I do want to thank @zou-i-am, though - we had a great time running the Lilo Fest together! Thanks so much to @uhoh-but-yeah-alright too for betaing my Zarry fic :) And of course, much love to Sof if they see this <3

Finally, maaaaany thanks to @allwaswell16 for all the work she puts in to post fic recs and leave thoughtful comments! You’re a legend :))

15. Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year:

Weirdly enough, I wanna say it’s the opposite. In both New York Kiss and In the midst of a storm, Zayn works a retail job, and that’s something I ended up doing for the first time over the summer. Life imitating art and all that 😌

16. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers:

Who am I to impart wisdom? lol I guess just... don’t give up. If you’re feeling like you’re losing your inspiration, give yourself some time and/or try something else (like a new pairing or something). Follow whatever excites you in a given moment, even if it means putting other projects on hold.

17. Any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year:

I’m excited to keep writing my current Dreamnotfound fic. Also looking forward to running the Zouis Fest again, and to starting writing my fic for it (even though I have no clue what it’ll be yet)

18. Tag some writers whose answers you’d like to read.

I’m sure a lot of people have done this already 😬 Maybe @zou-i-am @feeisamarshmallow @zanniscaramouche @uhoh-but-yeah-alright ?

[nyehilismwriting]

sentinel - going forward

hiiii everyone. I know things have been quiet for a long time on the sentinel front, and I wanted to make a (long-overdue) post explaining where I’m at & what I’m thinking.

for some background, I started writing sentinel two years ago (and damn does that give me heart palpitations) during the summer I graduated, with no plan but a handful of vague ideas and concepts. I was unemployed, hadn’t written anything longer than a couple of thousand words in years, and i had no real idea where I was going with it.

i’ve learned a lot since then,  about coding & writing, about this community, and about myself. I originally planned to use the twine port as an opportunity to rewrite parts, maybe fix up one or two things, and generally polish the content that’s currently available, but the further I got into it, the more it seemed like so much was broken, pointless, or just plain bad it hardly seemed worth it.

I still love this story; I still love these characters. I still want to write this game, but in order to make it into what I think it needs to be, I need to go right back to the beginning. I’ve mentioned various times on this blog that I’m doing rewrites, messing with code and so on; all of that is true, but I don’t think I’ve ever emphasised the extent to which I’m overhauling it.

twine gives me a lot more creative freedom, and has encouraged me to think outside the usual formula when it comes to my writing. one of the biggest aspects of sentinel that I struggle with, as it stands, is the urban fantasy aspect - I’m a fantasy author by nature, and I think I rooted too much of sentinel in the real world, where I’d much prefer to lean into the surrealist/horror elements. plot-wise, it was never intended to be a monster of a game, but I got too caught up in sideplots and twists that I lost sight of the overall premise, which in turn had me losing interest in the game as a whole.

I’m reluctant to call this a hiatus, since functionally there is no difference to you guys: there hasn’t been any new content for a long time, but rest assured I am still working on and thinking about this story. I just need time to dig out the aspects that made me passionate about it in the first place, and to find a way to bring them into the light. it will be a long time before there’s any new content to speak of - I’ll keep posting snippets & prompts every now and then, and drop notes and excerpts as I feel like it, but I hope this has eased some concerns about this project being abandoned. it isn’t - it’s just gone insane so i’ve locked it in the attic and married a pretty new wip. don’t worry about it.

in summary: sentinel isn’t abandoned, but in order to create the game I really think it could be, and deserves to be, I have to go back to the drawing board and readjust my paradigm and all kinds of other fun words for, essentially, starting again. the choicescript demo will remain as is, and I’m too far off to give a timeline on what happens next: whether I drop a demo of the rewrite, or just try to get the game complete before release, I don’t know yet.

thank you all for your patience and support. I know it’s been a long time, and it’ll be even longer still, but I hope it will be worth it. ❤❤❤

[rocicrew]

for the questions for fic writers: 1, 42, 48, 49, 50

1. What fic of yours would you recommend to someone who had never read any of your work? (In other words, what do you think is the best introduction to your fics?)

hmm that's a tough question, i feel like i've written several prompts that are an easy read so that can be a quick introduction to how i view certain characters and their dynamic. and then it kind of depends what kind of pairing they're more interested in, although the majority of them are naomi centric.  i think ultimately, maybe either of the fics i've that's about naomi and filip (her life in her hands, her life's life in her hands & the way the old life haunts the new). bc they center the topics of loss and trauma and finding a way to live with it anyway and it is a theme i'm very interested in exploring with my writing.

42. Have you ever received a comment that particularly stood out to you for whatever reason?

amdnd it's one of yours actually, again we're going with her life in her hands, her life's life in her hands (i do have a soft spot for this fic despite) i was still v new to sharing my writing and it was a feat to write something that touched those themes and attempt to capture naomi's complexity in such emotions so you telling me i captured that tension really gave me a boost when i was still very unsure of my writing so thank you for that.

48. What’s the last fic you read? Do you recommend it?

i reread oh, body, be held now by whom you love today which does a lovely work of the push and pull naomi goes through between being guarded and allowing herself vulnerable, of shutting down instinctually and opening herself up again as a way to mend that gap during the preparation to go to ilus.  it had this line; "It’s about building something out of loss." which is fit right into my emotions after making that last gifset. the fic also does a great job of writing the intimacy between naomi and holden and i absolutely recommend it.

49. What are you currently working on? Share a few lines if you’re up for it!

the only wip i currently have, and it's been sitting on my docs for roughly a year has been a draolden drabble that i started after 6x06 and for some reason i have been stuck on even though it's something i'm both interested in and would like for that to be the next thing i finish and upload. maybe it's because it's been there for such a long time that i'm not sure whether to scrap it and start over or just polish some details and add some small things and post it already. oh i also have another from those kissing prompts but i haven't started it yet. and actually i think i have one nolden one but that's more fleeting vibes than proper fic.

i think i've posted an excerpt before but here's a diff one:

“Mhmm, all three of us know that I’m very hot. But, mi pensa, you’re a liar,” Naomi hummed and Drummer looked almost offended at that. But Naomi’s gaze softened as it lifted to meet hers. “You can tell me the truth,” she continued.

“I don’t know if this will work.”

Naomi tried to sit up, because that needed a conversation between them. Jim grumbled slightly at her movement and tried to pull her flush to him. That meant he hadn't fallen asleep but was edging towards consciousness. Part of her hoped he would wake up so she wouldn't have to have this conversation alone. It battled with the part of her that wanted him to catch up for all the sleep he lost. 

“Us? Or the negotiations?”

50. Answer any question of your choice, or talk about anything you want to talk about!

okay, so this isn't a question necessarily but something i'd like to do with my writing so im putting it here in hope i'll actually make it happen. which isn't something big, it's that i want to attempt one day to write a longer multi chapter which isn't something huge but it can be a fun challenge.

[preemshots]

johnny + the nomads lore

alright, i know this is a screenshots blog but i'm going to go ahead and start dropping some juicy lore tidbits as i dig them up. part of what i'm doing outside of just photo diarying is shard hunting, and BOY is there a lot the game likes to hide in those little shards for idiots like me who like to read so we can write unnecessarily accurate fanfiction! 

full disclosure, i know jack shit about the TTRPG/cyberpunk 2020 rulebook except what i read in the wikis. 

so here’s my lore roundup so far of everything i know about johnny joining the nomads

we know johnny likes to narrate v’s quest objectives. here’s the first mention where he says it himself: 

during the voodoo boys quest "transmission" there's a shard in the maglev tunnels beside the ice bath, presumably from brigitte's research into johnny in the first place:

okay, so the timeline is this: johnny joins the nomads after trying and failing to rescue alt. johnny hides out in the badlands for some years. then he and rogue come back to night city and nuke arasaka tower help alt escape the arasaka subnet by uploading liberator to their network once and for all.

this ultimately makes sense. in alt’s flashback, we meet santiago, who is a nomad/connected to nomads, joins rogue and johnny when they're trying to get alt back, and eventually becomes the leader of the aldecaldos. 

part of santiago’s TTRPG lore is that he, johnny, and rogue have to lay low in the badlands with nomads after they storm arasaka headquarters (i am aware the game takes many liberties with the original lore so who knows the full accuracy of anything from the original rulebooks)

ENDING spoilers: in the rogue+johnny storming AHQ ending, it's revealed that rogue has a son while they're prepping for the job. if you eavesdrop on her calling him while you're at the afterlife, you hear her tell her son to (paraphrasing here) "pull over and look at the stars", which immediately made my brain go to: nomad, badlands, santiago = dad? maybe. (santiago also canonically has a son according to the TTRPG lore)

this immediately reminded me of another interesting shard that i believe you can find in multiple locations around night city: “"what REALLY happened in arasaka tower?“

i love this dang shard. at first i thought it was just a cute conspiracy with some juicy gossip (and i love how 99% of the shards that mention johnny in this game are reminding us that he's not a real rebel, he's a poser) but it brings some interesting shit together

one: it tells us where johnny got his hands on the nukes! he and the nomads jumped a militech convoy and jacked some bombs! 

which is never directly explained, even as saburo arasaka is interrogating him shortly before using soulkiller. very nice of johnny to protect his homies like that. 

...or maybe he didn’t. saburo emphasizes that the dead don’t lie like the living do, and we don’t know what exactly arasaka did to johnny’s construct in mikoshi. 

it also explains why the obvious media narrative is that militech nuked arasaka, a nice neat political bow to the end of the fourth corpo wars, which is an entire section of the TTRPG lore that makes my eyes cross when i read it. 

it also makes the star/nomads ending extremely interesting, because i originally believed it was the ending where V’s journey deviates the most from rewalking johnny’s path... which also has weird implications if the johnny’s nomad era is being kept from v. 

(this also leads into my belief that the star ending/the devil ending are narratively two sides of the same coin, but that’s a WHOLE ANOTHER POST for another day.)

TWO, just straight up the fact that they turned the raid where they actually obtained the nukes into an action flick BD that pretty much ANYONE could watch. who the hell was doing that?? 

well, who else other than the guy who johnny (optionally) punched the shit out of for filming alt's death: thompson, media guy, and according to rogue, “bad luck”. because you know, recording your crimes is straight up evidence that can be used against you.

during the alt flashback we meet thompson, and just after that in cyberspace before meeting alt, johnny tells v that he has no idea what happened to him and that they never worked together again. 

oh, johnny, you lying bastard man

this is blatantly untrue, and if V even had two braincells and better memory than a goldfish they'd know this--in the first flashback sequence where johnny and rogue nuke arasaka tower, thompson is on the comms as they ride the AV towards AHQ, questioning their plans and use of violence. 

which leaves me with some questions, like where the fuck is thompson, why does johnny keep lying about this, why doesn't johnny say almost anything about how you interact with the aldecaldo clan nonstop throughout the game when he himself may have been a member of the family for some time?? is he continuing to protect the nomad clan that saved his ass? we know that a lot of his flashbacks are unreliable at best, that johnny changes shit up as desired when presenting V with his memories.

in 2077, you can also find that there’s a remake of “badlands raid” in the shard “new release braindances” that is pretty much everywhere. that shard doesn’t add much, but does mention something along the lines of “many people don’t know the ending of the original” which probably means johnny punched thompson out for filming again, or something. 

my running theories: rogue ditched santiago and the aldecaldos with johnny and thompson to nuke arasaka tower, and when johnny died she was stuck looking for (heavily implied by johnny here:) corpo sellout ways to survive.

adam smasher obviously has something to do with this since johnny/rogue's vendetta against the guy isn't entirely clear beyond the smokescreen of "he killed johnny and he sucks". i have done 0 research into this though i'm tired of typing okay

i obviously cannot be certain i have found everything related to this in the game as i’m not even done with this playthrough where i’m trying to pay attention, but i hope this is fun for someone else to dig into. 

enjoy, fellow silverhand freaks

EDIT: additional findings

ALRIGHT I HAVE DONE MORE DIGGING AND I AM BACK WITH MORE NOMAD/JOHNNY FINDINGS. these ones are kind of a bummer but VERY interesting.

there’s a shard called “excerpts from a history of the nomads by bb pires” that goes into detail about how nomads came to be

there’s an interesting quote in it: It's hard to imagine a group less inclined to wandering than farmers, but in fact they were the ones who sparked the age of nomads. Natural catastrophes, crops ravaged by bioplagues, armed conflicts and martial law allowing corporations to speculate and privatize land - all this forced them into a life on the road.

when you ask johnny why he wants to take down arasaka, he begins by referencing this himself!!

it’s a little awkward to imagine a nomad V doesn’t also know what he’s referencing, but hey, V is the fool because we are as players and that’s only one life path... so sure.

johnny also has unique dialogue during this scene about a nomad origin V, telling them that he’s been trying to understand how V thinks, and came to the conclusion that “their family was a crutch” and essentially made them stupid because they always had a safety net (lmao johnny calling v privileged basically)

BUT this also may reference why johnny would find it confusing as hell that V doesn’t immediately share the views he does when nomads, in terms of values, seem to be more aligned with johnny than V is. but once again V is the fool for a reason and this is all my own speculation so YOU KNOW.

MORE IMPORTANTLY, at the end of chippin’ in, when you ask johnny what he meant by letting down his friends... santiago is named directly

i thought this was interesting since the only glimpse of their relationship that we get is seeing johnny meeting santiago via the alt flashback for the first time.

so now it’s obvious that while johnny and rogue were with the nomads their friendship developed, and johnny went on to disappoint santiago in some way by being his normal dickhead self

but HOW? how did he disappoint santiago? is santiago even still alive?? did smasher kill santiago and is this why rogue mentions during chippin’ in that she wants smasher to “settle a score” moreso than avenge johnny??

the only additional hints i have are from this shard, which you can find at the aldecaldos camp: “nomads at ground zero”

i’m just gonna transcribe here and bold for emphasis:

It was no secret that Night Corp offered generous pay and, in some cases, free cyberware and biomonitor upgrades to anyone willing to help clean up the crater of radioactive rubble at AHQ ground zero. Some firsthand accounts recall the incessant ticking of Geiger counters, like the loud buzz of cicadas in summer. In retrospect, we can only guess how many "crater cleaners" lost their lives to radiation sickness shortly thereafter. Both the city government and Night Corp have claimed casualties were kept to a minimum, while providing no official statistics to substantiate the claim. That being said, they have never been under pressure to release such figures. After all, most rescue, engineering, and rubble cleanup teams were not local Night Citizens, but nomads. Surprised you didn't know? Don't be. It is a fact many history courses tend to overlook. The city employed hundreds of nomad mercenaries, primarily from clans in Aldecaldo nation. These nomads were hungry for gainful work and the city needed experts who were not only experienced but brave enough to knowingly put their lives on the line - all so Arasaka could one day erect another tower in its place. But history is not without its sense of irony. These nomads, who so deliberately live outside our so-called "system," came to its very rescue. Not for the first time. And not for the last.

a main theme we find in this game is the idea that the system of corps and exploitation cannot be stopped by grandiose rebellious gestures--no amount of samurai songs, assassinating mayors, or even planting nukes in towers will change things. yet johnny, his friends and mercs at atlantis in the 2020s, including rogue, chose to rebel any way they could, thinking it better than not. johnny criticizes her lack of rebellious spirit CONSTANTLY in 2077.

but ultimately, johnny, trapped in mikoshi, didn’t get to see the outcome of what detonating the AHQ nukes did to night city’s fragile ecosystem. rogue, however, did--and likely watched their former allies, the aldecaldos, be forced to take dangerous work at AHQ’s ground zero (from lack of other opportunities as detailed in this shard), then die from radiation sickness throughout the following decades, all as a result of what she and johnny did to try and fight the system. and she also watched all the former mercenaries of atlantis be hunted down by arasaka.

so rogue sees firsthand what the cost of rebellion is and johnny doesn’t. and nomads, considered the most free of any of the factions we encounter in the game, are the cost.

[lilacandladybugs]

I personally am not religious at all but I've always tried my best to respect those who are and I think it's pretty lovely that you have something like that to help you feel safe and comfortable!

I hope this doesn't come across as demeaning but, I kinda find it interesting?? to have that sort of blind faith and belief is just interesting and kind of neat to me I suppose

I don't understand but I'm happy that you have something like that to keep you up in trying times :]

I'm glad that you feel that way! Also I'm not offended lmao you guys are all really friendly and I don't think you want to offend me so I will always take it that way. I am going to clarify something but I'm pretty sure this isn't what you mean so just for passersby~

Blind faith in anon's words i think means like belief in something that I can't see, which is valid, but some people use it to mean faith beyond reason so I'm going to briefly walk you through some thought process so you know that I didn’t just randomly choose this lol

I think the real reason I believe in God is this realization that we all to some extent believe in something, have faith in something. Even if you are agnostic, people still have to choose how they actively live their lives. Agnostics usually end up functioning as atheists, they don't know who God is, and so they function like he doesn't exist.

So we all at some point end up betting our lives on some belief system. We bet our present life, and any potential future life, on what we think we can understand right now. We bet our lives that God doesn't exist, or we bet our lives that he does. And even if someone chooses not to think about it, they're betting their lives that it isn't important.

We also all have to have a level of blind faith (imo), we believe that we can think, we believe that goodness or badness exists. We believe that reason exists, we believe in logic, in science, in our senses. Faith is just an assumption that something is true, and you can’t use logic to prove that logic is valid, so at some point you have to take it on faith. All premises are at some level an act of faith.

So then the question becomes, since I can’t know anything 100% certainly but I literally have to choose something, what do I choose? What seems most likely?

To me, it seems more likely that God aligned the stars and placed the Earth precisely where it is than that it happened by chance. It seems more likely that information came from an informant than that it came from no where, and it seems more likely that life came from a source than that life came from death. 

It seems more likely to me that Jesus was who he said he was than that he was just a good person, because good people don’t lie, they don’t mislead entire populations to bet their lives on a lie. But Jesus claimed to be God and he seemed like a good man. It seems more likely to me that the Bible was the word of God than that it was able to be constructed over thousands of years by people who never knew each other in three different languages and still survived thousands of years.

And the one that hits the most is that I think it is more likely that people matter than that they don’t. It’s more likely in my mind that morality exists than that it doesn’t, and if it does exist it must have been defined by someone outside of ourselves, thus making it more likely to be God.

Here is an excerpt I wrote from this post, that explains a little bit more:

Nietzsche, Kant, and Epictetus are all similar in that i have the same issue with all of them. They all want to put the anchor of meaning within the individual human. But i swear to god when i say that i want to hug my brother again i dont just mean i want to hug a person, i mean that i miss that person, that there was something that was valuable about him not just to me but that was valuable to the entire universe, and that when he died that piece of the universe was lost. epictetus’ argument was that human beings are simply mortal beings, and so grieving them is an unreasonable reaction to that fact of reality - we are all going to die, so why get attached to people like they’re immortal?

Which raises the question for me, why do we grieve like we’re meant to be immortal? Why is it that the world trembles under the crushing weight of death? That even birds miss their mates when they die, that elephants linger by the graves of their ancestors, that dogs continue to look for their masters once they’ve passed? Are we, like epictetus nietzsche and kant too, are we the only possible anchor for meaning? Do things in and of themselves mean nothing except in relation to us, so we can’t say, “death is bad,” but only, “death is bad to me”? it just doesn’t seem true

That’s who I’ve come to understand God to be. Things are complex and full of logic and information and cohesion, because when God spoke the universes into existence he planned it out carefully and tenderly. Things want to be loved and cared for and valued because God is triune, he exists as one God with three persons, loving one another for all of existence, and creating life to share in that eternal love with them. Human beings grieve one another’s deaths like we aren’t meant to die because we weren’t meant to die, death was a natural result of our decision to part ways with the giver of life, and leaving him meant that we die, and it isn’t how it’s meant to be, it’s one of the greatest tragedies to ever occur. When my brother died it felt like the universe lost something that was intrinsically valuable, not just to me, because my brother was created for a purpose by our creator, and his meaning is anchored not in my human flesh that will pass away but in the very foundation of our known universe, in the character of who God is.

--

Anyway if you’re interested I can send you some philosophy and history behind why I believe what I believe, it for sure wasn’t developed out of no where I’ve spent years questioning it and thinking about it. But most people don’t want to read that much so if you want more you can hmu in messages or send another ask idk XD 

Thanks anon! Sorry for hijacking your ask I know you aren’t that interested lol

[fresh-prince-of-denmark]

New Dawn Fades — Literary References Analysis Part 4: The Id, the Ego, the Superego

Cyberpunk Spoiler Warning 

Here’s part four of me going through all the endings and looking for the literary references in each of the endings, which I believe allude to what happens to V/Johnny, possibly in future DLC. If you haven’t read my other posts, you should read them here (Johnny’s Mikoshi poem, V’s Mikoshi Poem, The Star ending) first since we’re gonna loop back to them later.

New Dawn Fades was such a pain in the ass; because Johnny is such an art hoe, I found three different poems/stories scattered around. Not only that, but two of them are translated from Polish, and one of them us from Ovid’s The Metamorphoses. I studied English literature so…forgive me if this is super surface-level. Also, stuff gets lost in translation, so the original meaning sometimes gets lost. If Polish literature is anyones niche, please teach me a thing two, but all I can do now is my best! But from what I could tell, damn…paints a pretty depressing picture. Let’s start with the two Polish writers first:

Bolesław Leśmian, "Why so many candles...”

Why so many candles, these faces above me?

No more harm shall ever meet my body.

Everyone is standing - while here alone I lie -

Grieving, feigning. One must be true when one must die.

And so, buried under these wreathes of leaves, I lie -

Solemnly - Agelessly - Solitarily.

Death, gone silent, once again rushes to my head,

Though by now I know all my comprehension is dead.

How I loathe to become accustomed to this grave,

To be what I once was - that is all I crave.

This one is…yikes. Depressing. As I talked about in previous posts, V’s poem is more pessimistic: nothing we do matters, we’re all just dust in the wind, you know, the good stuff. Johnny’s poem has a very different stance; art makes us immortal, and we can change the world, etc. With this…Johnny seems to have given his larger-than-life attitude up in favor of V’s resignation that life sucks. Much like Prufrock in V’s poem, Johnny is lying “Solemnly - Agelessly - Solitarily.” Almost as if he didn’t want V’s body, not as a selfless gesture…but because he has grown accustom to his previous form. In Johnny’s version of Alt’s poem, it almost seems as if he embraces being a construct — the form of immortality it, and his legacy, grants him (remember all that hokey about being a golden bird to sing his message to the youth?). Blackwall was a kind of death Johnny knew — yet now:

“How I loathe to become accustomed to this grave,

To be what I once was - that is all I crave.”

Interesting. We never find out where Johnny is going when he leaves Night City, but it makes me wonder. Is he truly starting anew? Or hoping to fix what went wrong?

In the next room, we find another poem, this one an excerpt from Labyrinth by Wisława Szymborska:

So this way or that,

Or no, the other,

By ear or by your gut,

By your wits or by shortcut,

By any means necessary,

Cutting crooked corners.

Past whatever row in a row

Of corridors and gates,

Quickly, in the meantime

Your time grows short,

From one place to another

To one of many still open,

Of darkness and plight

But also delight, held just ajar,

Where there's joy, though sorrow

Lies well-nigh nearby,

And elsewhere, somewhere,

Wheresoever and whereabout,

Fortune in misfortune

Like a parenthetical parenthesis

Acceptance of it all

And suddenly - a fall

I’m a little shaky on the meaning behind this one. My immediate response is to compare it to the poem found in The Star — which contains a piece from The Marriage Between Heaven and Hell by William Blake. The overarching use of this poem, by my interpretation, is an explanation for what the Blackwall is: hell. But not hell how most would perceive it. In fact, according to Blake, hell isn’t so bad. Our views of heaven and hell, good and evil, are wrong. Everyone contains both good and bad within them, and neither is wrong, simply two opposites; between conformity and rebellion, art and obedience. If we were to look at it this way, V would most likely belong in “Heaven,” the world of the obedient, those who play by the worlds rules (at least, in the beginning of the story, before Johnny influences them toward the rebel path), while Johnny represents “Evil,” and would belong to Hell. In some dialogue choices, Johnny will even state that he no longer believes he is a human, and is in fact code, no longer belonging in the world of the living. In this scenario, both have found themselves where they don’t belong. Not only that — but one is supposed to be a healthy mix of so-called “Good” and “Evil.” The “Soul,” and “Body,” are one, not meant to be separated. Uh oh. The tone of this poem in Johnny’s context just seems so…lost, to me. Someone who found their other half, their perfect foil, a soul and body as one…and now it’s gone. What does one do after such a loss?

And finally, the most grim of the three stories: Ovid’s The Metamorphoses. Specifically, Book III, Narcissus and Echo. This one most likely has the greatest significance; not only is it a shard you can pick up, but an open copy of the book can be found in Johnny’s hotel room, drawing further attention to it. 

If you haven’t read it, let me give you a quick and dirty summary:

At the beginning of the story, Narcissus’ mother, Liriope, asks the prophet Tiresias if her son will live to see old age, which he replies “only if he does not know himself.” One day when Narcissus is 16, he is out hunting when he finds a mountain Nymph named Echo. Echo, as one might guess, was cursed by Hera and can only repeat what is said back to her. You know. Like an echo. Echo falls in love with Narcissus at first sight and follows him throughout the forest, waiting for him to speak so she can communicate with him. Narcissus eventually gets separated from his hunting group, and calls out for them, which Echo…well, echos. Eventually Echo reveals herself and Narcissus freaks out, telling her basically he’d rather die than be with her. She hides in a cave and pines until she whithers away from hunger, and only her voice remains.

Many other nymphs fall for Narcissus because apparently he’s a straight up snack, but he rejects all of them. Apparently someone gets so salty about it, they summon the Goddess of Vengeance to do something about it. She leads him to a crystal clear pool, in which he is able to see his reflection. Remember the thing about knowing oneself? Yeah…At first, Narcissus thinks the reflection is a different person and falls in love. He smiles, the reflection smiles, so it must like him back, right? Eventually he reaches to touch it, and realizes that it’s him. He freaks out, and much like Echo, stays by his reflections side until he withers away. Having a total meltdown, he cries out “Alas!” which is echoed, by well, Echo. Her voice lived on, and she watches him die as he calls “Farewell, dear boy. Beloved in vain.” Once again, Echo repeats this. Narcissus dies and all the thirsty hoes make a pyre to burn him, but when they go looking for him they find the Narcissus (flower) instead (nooo...dont transform into a flower, you’re so sexy ahaha). 

So what does this mean for Johnny/V? Well, two main things pop out to me: transformation, and reflections. Much like Echo and Narcissus are reflections of each other, V and Johnny reflect each other. As @ellitira pointed out in my analysis of the Star, V and Johnny constantly reflect each other. One of the most obvious ways is their literal reflection; if you look in a mirror during a relic malfunction, you’ll see Johnny, not V. But scenes are reflected as well; the first and last time V meets Johnny, they grab him by the shoulder from behind to get his attention as he turn to face them. The first time Johnny and V have a civil conversation, they’re sitting at a table in Tom’s Diner, Johnny’s foot on the table. This mimics their conversation in Mikoshi with Alt. Their conversation about taking a bullet for one another in the Pista Sofia where Johnny is sitting backwards on a chair while V is on the ground is also repeated moments later, as Johnny and V have their final conversation about who will stay and who will go with Alt. Johnny also mentions that he spent his first few weeks in NC laying in bed, staring at the ceiling fan. When he awakens in New Dawn Fades, what is he doing? Staring at the ceiling fan…in Pacifica, not far from the Pista Sofia. The boy who he gives the guitar to is even wearing V’s “favorite shirt”…the one we see them wearing in the first scene they’re introduced. There’s probably loads more, so feel free to share if you find any more. If you want to know more about why this is significant, make sure to read about V’s version of Alt’s poem. 

So why do these reflections/echos matter? Well, what does one do with a reflection? Reflect. Johnny begins to examine himself through V, and he begins to realize he doesn’t like what he sees. If V calls him the man who saved her life, he’ll respond with “you have no idea how badly I want that to be true.” He tries his best to right his wrong only after this conversation with V, not only in Burning Love and Chippin’ In, but in other ways too. For example, it’s Johnny’s idea to call V’s loved ones to say goodbye on the roof scene, because “he wished that he had had a chance to.” Because of V, he grows, changes, and becomes a better person, just as much if not more as he seems to change V. As he leaves V’s grave, he even states that he has changed; that he’s wiser now, and won’t make the same mistakes. He states he won’t dwell on what happened, but somehow I doubt that, considering everything above.

The other theme of Narcissus and Echo is of transformation; after all, metamorphosis actually means "to change or transform.” Echo becomes, well, and echo, and Narcissus becomes a flower. V and Johnny also transform; not only physically between engram and human, but they transform one another. Both of them fall in love, and neither will move on. Echo falls in love with Narcissus, and Narcissus falls in love with his reflection. Because they refuse to transform the way they feel, they must die and transform physically. So who represents who in this scenario? In a way, Johnny is both. Johnny is a bit, well, narcissistic. He’s self-absorbed in his flashbacks, and adored by countless fans, yet ignores them in favor of his own company. He thinks everything is about him (Alt’s death, Samurai, etc.)  and is willing to die for his beliefs. He is also constantly reflecting on himself through V. However, what really kills him is losing Alt; she tells him not to follow her (much like Narcissus tells Echo to leave him alone). He does anyway, and avenging her leads to his demise.

What’s especially sad about this is the way Johnny views transformation; he is very concerned with the idea of one’s individual identity, and hates the idea of turning into something you’re not. He despises that he’s going to turn V into himself by force. He hates dolls because he sees their behavior chip as something that changes them into something they’re not. He’s scared of V going to Blackwall not because it’s death, but because they “won’t be the same.” I don’t think Johnny ever wanted V’s body; again, not as a courtesy, but because it’s not him. After all, he could have just let nature take its course and let himself re-write their psyche, but instead he actively tries to save them as best he can. If V chooses to let him have their body, he hardly seems happy about it; especially compared to how happy he seems to see that part of him will live on in the way V refuses to give up should they choose to live on. By taking V’s body, he is no longer himself; rebel, rocker-boy, legend, and the guy who promised to save V’s life. Johnny in A New Dawn has lost his entire sense of self, his entire new and improved identity; one that learned from his mistakes and became a better person because of V. Johnny has The Tower tattooed on his arm, the card of (often painful) transformation and change. Yet this is what Johnny is most afraid of; not death, or even the not-so-bad sort-of hell that is Blackwall. He’s afraid of losing himself, and by losing V, he has lost a part of himself. The part of himself that was supposed to be a better person; who was supposed to save V’s life.