#I hope this comes off as an unbiased view

[rainerioun]

𝖧𝖮𝖶 𝖣𝖮 𝖳𝖧𝖤𝖸 𝖵𝖨𝖤𝖶 𝖸𝖮𝖴? | 𝗉𝗂𝖼𝗄 𝖺 𝖼𝖺𝗋𝖽.

— Hello! I thought I'd try and give a more in-depth reading. Interestingly, some of the piles seem to be similar. Perhaps this reading is meant for just a few people. I tried to keep it pretty general and unbiased whether we're talking about platonic or romantic connections, but it seems like there are hints of romantic feelings in all of them. However, if you're inquiring about a friendship or something similar, feel free to take what resonates and ignore the rest. <3

ORIGINAL DATE POSTED : MARCH 22ND, 2024.

HOW TO CHOOSE A PILE : The outcome may vary based on whether you receive clear messages visually or intuitively. If you resonate more with selecting a pile visually, trust that inclination. Personally, I believe the notion that 'looks can deceive,' so I prefer to take a deep breath and close my eyes, allowing the pile I'm meant to connect with to come to me. You might see the color of the pile, sense or hear a number, or simply feel its overall vibe.

Please don’t redistribute or edit my content.

MUST READ + MASTERLIST | KO-FI

PILE ONE

How Do They View You? King of Wands | Queen of Swords | Death.

To start, this person respects you heavily. They perceive you as someone exuding confidence and leading by example. You've influenced them at the very least. If you're experiencing change or have recently undergone a transformation, they want you to know they're proud of you.

How Do They View You? Dragon : Seeing One's Most True Self, Balancing Ego. | Oyster : Patient, Secret-Keeper, Hiding Inner Treasures.

They see the real you, not just the image you project. If you're shy or uncertain, they want to remind you not to underestimate yourself, and to embrace your genuine beauty and intelligence. They know that everyone else wants to see it too. I believe that they might perceive your confidence as a sort of façade.

How Do They View You? Trickster — Light : Transcending Convention, Stuffiness and Predictable Behavior. Shadow : Manipulating Others Through Duplicity.

I didn't view this card negatively; it felt more like confirmation of what I said earlier. This person understands that you don't reveal everything and perhaps even play a role, though it may not be intentional. They recognize your tendency to use humor as a shield, but they wish you would let them in a bit more because they can see through you already.

How Do They Feel Around You? Determination, Balance, Cleanse, Magic, Protection.

When this person is around you, they experience a sense of balance and comfort. They feel a protective instinct towards you, given what they know about you, or vice versa. They long to express their love and appreciation more openly and receive it in return. Reach out to them more often!

Additional. Photograph : Looking at Your Photos, Missing You, Nostalgia, Make New Memories.

They miss you if there's any current separation or lack of communication. They might even be keeping an eye on you, whether through social media or mutual connections, just to ensure you're doing alright.

Extra: Aquarius, Change, 10, Unique, Libra, Scorpio, Emotions, Bittersweet, Funny, Summer Blues, Phone Call.

Alien Blues : Vundabar | Fine Line : Harry Styles | I Wanna Be Yours : Artic Monkeys.

PILE TWO

How Do They View You? Ten of Wands [Reversed] | Nine of Swords [Reversed] | Knight of Pentacles.

This person acknowledges your ambition but finds it amusing that you can also be a bit absent-minded. It's not meant as an insult but more of a playful tease. They believe you sometimes overlook the risks around you because you're so captivated and excited by what lies ahead, which can come off as slightly immature. It reminds them of a naive child who might need a gentle nudge in the right direction, so you don't leap off the cliff hoping to grab the sun. I can picture someone stumbling clumsily while the other bursts into loud laughter.

How Do They View You? Moth : Impulsive, Hasty, Wishful | Bee : Earnest, Hardworking, Democratic.

I find this dynamic incredibly endearing. They see you as someone goofy or even whimsical. You're sensitive and vibrant, drawing people to you effortlessly, which they appreciate. Sometimes, it seems like they want to slow you down a bit so you don't scurry off too quickly. You give off a jittery vibe at times.

How Do They View You? Rescuer — Light : Provides Strength and Support to Others in Crisis. Acts out of Love with no Expectation of Reward. Shadow : Assumes that the Rescued will Reciprocate. Goddess — Light : The Feminine Expressed through Wisdom, Nature, Life Force and Sensuality. Shadow : Exploitation of the Female Nature and Form.

This person admires your kindness and charm. I can picture them giggling nonstop whenever they're with you. It's as if you have no worries, just frolicking through life carefree.

How Do They Feel Around You? Sweetness, Success, Rejection.

Once more, you're incredibly sweet to them. Normally, they feel content in your company, but there might be moments when they feel rejected. If they've made a move and you've turned them down, that's the reason. They need time to move on and accept that boundary if don't reciprocate their feelings. If not, it's because they've been dropping hints left and right, and you're just too oblivious to pick up on them.

Additional. Stabbed in the Back : Heartbreak, Pain, Separation, Shocking Attack. Camera : Remininscing, Keepsake, Perception, Learn from the Past, Make Memories. Coffee Cup : Meeting and Conversing, Savoring the Moment, Feeling Uplifted, Friendship.

Yeah, they're definitely feeling a bit disheartened that their attempts to win you over aren't hitting the mark or are just going unnoticed. But hey, you don't owe them anything, so no need to feel guilty. Regardless, they want to keep being part of your life, cherishing the friendship you've both formed.

Extra : Pisces, Indecisive, Kind, 7, Individuality, Unique, Communication, Taurus, Leo, Cancer, Junebug, Wheel, Fields.

Dangerously In Love : Beyoncé. | Hanging Your Picture Up To Dry : Cut Worms.

[18+, SUGGESTIVE.]

PILE THREE

How Do They View You? Ace of Swords, Six of Swords, Wheel of Fortune [Reversed].

I wasn't anticipating this kind of reading when I shuffled the cards. I almost reshuffled to get a more generic and 'safe' result, but I decided against it. It seems this person likes you a little more than they probably should. They perceive you as someone incredibly self-assured and inspiring, maybe even a bit out of their league. Yet, despite feeling like they're chasing you, they don't seem to mind the playful challenge and are willing to put in the extra effort to break through your defenses.

How Do They View You? Cheetah : Solar Force, Action, Achievement. | Starfish : Beautiful, Alluring, Superficial or Shallow.

This seems pretty clear-cut, lol. They view you as someone with the potential to reach any goal, maybe because your appearance tends to influence people without you even trying. They're strongly attracted to you, but they're also aware they're not alone in admiring you.

How Do They View You? Queen — Light : Radiates the Regal Feminine. Uses Her Benevolent Authority to Protect Others. Shadow : Becomes Arrogant When Authority Is Challenged. Controlling and Demanding. Hero/Heroine — Light : Passion for a Journey of Personal Empowerment. Shadow : Escapism and a False Sense of Heroism.

They definitely put you on a pedestal in their mind. Sometimes you can get a little sassy or assertive because you're clear about what you want, and they find that irresistible. They truly appreciate the natural authority you exude.

How Do They Feel Around You? Passion, Trust, Hunger.

Do I really need to elaborate? For my own sake, I'll keep it brief. You light a fire within them, and they feel like they cannot control such feelings.

Additional. The Snake : Competition, Enemy, Clever, Malicious, Look Over Your Shoulder, The Other Woman. Kisses : Unconditionally Loving, Giving and Receiving Affection, Falling in Love.

As I mentioned, they feel this urge to compete for your affection with others. They might even experience a twinge of jealousy seeing someone else getting your attention while they're so invested in you. My advice is, if this is a secret admirer or a third-party situation, it's best to tell them where they stand. If you're not interested, it's important not to lead them on. However, if polyamory is part of your dynamic, then there's no need to worry about what I'm saying; it seems like they enjoy the thrill of the chase.

Extra: 6, Virgo, Possessive, Cancer, Fussy, Moon, Emotions, Strong Needs, Candles, Stack of Papers, Show Off, Linger, Lust.

Fields of Elation : Sleep Token | Somebody Else : Bad Omens | Lost in the Fire : The Weeknd.

[chevelleneech]

Now there's the whole issue with peopleg giving AYS bad ratings on purpose. It just makes me so sad, how Jimin and Jungkook can never be enjoyed as a duo the way the rest are in BTS. And then Taekookers (and some ARMYs) have the audacity to say the company uses Jikook for fanservice because they make money off of them as a duo very easily, and I'm just like "where??". For who are they doing all this when a majority of the fandom are Taekookers and ARMYs who prefer Taekook together the most? We see it with the views all the time.

I don't know when people are gonna open their eyes. It's not HYBE's fault that Jikook have the kind of dynamic they do that they (the antis) obviously notice but hate for some reason.

Poor Jimin and Jungkook. I feel so sorry for them for real. I don't even want people to see what I see in them as someone who ships them, I really just dream about ARMY reacting to them the way they react to Vmin, Minimoni, Sope, Vhope, Taejin and literally any other duo in BTS. I just wanna come across a Jikook video and not come across weird, delusional and mean comments about them all the time that dismiss them having anything that goes beyond a co-worker relationship.

Do you think it hurts them to see how much the fandom hates seeing them together, or used to at one point?

My main takeaway, that proves these reviews are being left by people who are Tkk shippers and nothing else, is how hard they are trying to word things so they sound like unbiased, casual dislikes.

I’d usually say they don’t view the members are real people, but using things such as, “the script”, “the protagonist”, “falling flat”, “forced acting” makes it clear they actually do, and are aware that they have to twist things into fiction to come across as more “honest”.

They have to use words and phrases that don’t ping as being unnecessarily hateful, but to do that, they have to paint AYS as a scripted/forced project. Because how do you unbiasedly say, about a band you supposedly love and understand do skinship with each other in general, “I don’t like that these two members specifically are interacting.” without it coming across as you being hateful of those two members specifically? You can’t.

They can’t give real Anders to how or why JM and JK seem scripted, because doing that requires listing all the things they do and why it is fake, without also presenting a case for why it’s fake for other members including Tae and Wooga. Because doing that would also require proving Jimin and JK’s actions have been fake this entire time, which is delusional. No one is going to believe that 10+ year long best friends are doing scripted friendship shit now, but weren’t in the last. Not will anyone believe for a second that two people would fake being best friends for TEN YEARS. No paycheck is worth that, when it’s not an actual fictional tv show or movie.

As for whether not Jimin and Jungkook see it and are affected? I don’t know. I’d hope not, but they have access to the same internet as the rest of us, and have proven time again they know what’s going on in Armyland. So I would say yes, they do know there’s a certain faction of this fandom who hates them being a Them, and they likely do also know how little is done on the overall fandom to stop it.

Does it affect them? My guess is no. They’ve been a Them for a long time now, be-it platonic or romantic, and they haven’t changed their behavior. They know people think they’re dating, they continue to act like they’re dating. They know people don’t like seeing them together. They continue to be seen together. They know people think their friendship is forced by the company. They continue to call each other best friends.

So my take away is, if they do care what people think, they have worked very hard on making sure it doesn’t change their thoughts and feelings for each other, whatever they may be.

All that said, it is incredibly fucked up that Jimin and Jungkook being friends is disliked as much as it is. They don’t do anything but love on each other and love on the other members, yet one stupid group of fans are loud enough to put such a damper on that. Those people need help.

[narcissisticpdcultureis]

newbie here, I'm wondering from your point of view, why does npd abuse not exist and why abliesm against npd does exist? I ask because back in my time I was a victim of a npd mother whom I cut contact with and there were moments where I question if I'm a narcissist or not due to being raised by her and when I cut off all contacts, everything went well after that but still, I'm opened to learning new things. Sorry to bother you with an ask. Take care.

i'm going to be very blunt with you anon.

npd abuse or narcissistic abuse does not exist because there is nothing that sets it apart from emotional or psychological abuse. when people describe narcissistic abuse, they literally just describe patterns of emotionally and psychologically abusive behavior but they pin it on people with npd. a disorder can't abuse you, and also there's nothing a person with npd could do abusively that a person without npd couldn't. there is nothing special about so called "npd abuse" except the fact that it blames an entire group of completely unrelated people for something they didn't do.

i do not know you or your situation so i can't know wether or not your mother has been professionally diagnosed with npd (we have to be careful about these kinds of things because armchair diagnosising is a HUGE issue in anti-npd communities), but either way, i know the implication you're making here and you did not cut contact with your "npd mother," you cut contact with your abusive/toxic mother. your mother's disorder did not abuse you, she did. blaming her disorder takes responsibility off of her as a person for the way she treated you.

there is a possibly you also have npd. the narrative that "if you think you're a narcissist, you aren't" is an ableist narrative that comes from the misconception that people with npd can't be self-aware. if your mother actually had npd and you experienced trauma in childhood, there are both genetic and environmental factors that could contribute to you possibly also having npd. if you decide to look into that, that is completely valid. i have a resources tag, and if you can talk to a professional who will be unbiased and compassionate in their approach to npd, that's even better. having npd is not a death sentence, and it will not automatically mean anything about the morality of you as a person. your mother hurt you because she was abusive, not because she had a personality disorder.

i would also like to say that none of this asks you to forgive your mother, none of this asks you to stop talking about the way she treated you, it simply asks you to use different language when you do. people with npd usually developed this disorder from childhood trauma, using language like "npd abuse" or using "narcissist" when you mean abuser pushes us out of trauma survivor spaces that are meant to be made for us as well. most of us have been just as hurt by the actions of abusive people as you have, it helps to use language that does not immediately imply we are like those same people who have hurt us.

best of luck and i hope this cleared some things up for you.

[yuanw3i]

a lot of thoughts about silver twisted wonderland

Good morning it’s 3:45 am and dorm silver dropped after almost 3 years so here’s a full length post dedicated to him. not spoiler free

Quick Note: I remember when I first saw all the twst characters lined up and he honestly…didn't stick out much. i picked him as my first favorite anyways though because of zakki and hes been trapped in my brain ever since. Even though his background is still shrouded in ??wtfs i think exploring that is part of the fun of silver!! Personally, I really love him because a lot of his character beyond niceguy.jpg is rooted in subtext and it's super fun to delve into. so i can’t promise this is an unbiased analysis, but I hope you enjoy it anyways. 

Translation Credits: @mysteryshoptls, @twstarchives, and TWST Miraheze’s Enharo translations

OVERVIEW

Silver, at a quick glance, seems like both the most normal and most bizarre character in Twst. In a sea of self-serving, scheming villains, he lacks the sort of insidiousness most of his peers are constantly displaying. From a player’s perspective, we know this is because he’s most likely based on Aurora; but other NRC students simply deign to see him as an oddball. From the Disney properties he’s twisted from to his own strange upbringing, Silver is a bit of a question mark to both us and the ingame characters. In this post I’m gonna try to dissect some underappreciated complexities of his character, and hopefully get you or whoever’s reading this to give him some love! haha hope this doesnt get too long

PART 1: INTRODUCTION 

First off, Silver’s a pretty lowkey guy. Not in the way Jamil is (forced), or the way Trey is (less forced than Jamil but still forced), but moreso in a way that points to him being out of touch with himself and his own internal state. He doesn’t really…stick out in comparison to the more bombastic members of his dorm; at least not at first. A lot of his quirks are hidden behind his cool expression and appearance, and the gap between those two qualities leads to some funny gags in his interactions with others. 

Part of Silver’s charm as a character comes from his super blunt way of speaking, especially when he starts to describe extremely weird situations that he deems are normal. Like in Endless Halloween, when he casually mentions that he’d used to fight bears to Jamil and Jack (who react as expected). He isn’t used to “regular” social conventions, and this is coupled with the fact that he doesn’t really think like a villain does. In Fairy Gala IF, Ace comments on his heroicness, wondering how they both attend the same school. 

Essentially, there’s a significant divide between him and the people around him in both mindset and in lifestyle. Other students also view him as strange due to unchanging face. Some of his voicelines point this lack of expressiveness, like these:  

“They say that silence is golden. But in my case I just don’t have anything worth talking about…” (Ceremonial Robes SR) 

“I’m happy. ‘I don’t look like it’? Understood. Next time I’ll try harder.” (Groovy Voiceline)  

His dorm SSR also places this aspect of his character front and center. In Part 1, he overhears his peers whispering about how expressionless and weird he is. One of the students even questions if Silver has feelings, which triggers Silver to try to “learn how to be more expressive” with Kalim and Jamil’s help. Thank god for Sebek, who plans to spar with him in the courtyard so Silver’s classmates can witness his true, extremely cool self. He reiterates that Silver shouldn’t care about their opinions and doesn’t need to change.  I don’t think being as on display with one’s emotions as say, Kalim, is necessary for Silver to show growth; he doesn’t have to change who he is to please others. I also really really don’t think that him being less externally expressive is a fault. Sebek’s lines in Silver’s dorm uniform story make this very clear. 

PART 2: SILVER IS A HUMAN 

Still, an important part of his dorm uniform personal story is his reasoning behind wanting to change his expressions. He says he feels bad for burdening his classmates this way, and doesn’t want this issue to reflect poorly on Malleus. Silver’s dorm uniform story, as well as countless others (see: his PE card, where he only helps Vil after the former mentions Malleus), show off a key facet of Silver’s character. Of course no man is an island, but Silver only seems to exist in relation to Lilia and Malleus. His lack of self awareness can thus be linked to his constant drive to be useful to them. Silver only focuses on training and bettering himself in academics, physically, magically, etc in order to better serve others or avoid staining Malleus’s reputation; it’s all he can talk about. So much of his life is spent dedicated to his family that he’s frighteningly UNself-centered. And I know that his selflessness is part of the joke, but he really doesn’t seem to be thinking about himself at all, ever. 

One way to read into Silver’s devotion is through the lens of his mortality. Like Sebek, I think Silver has some internal struggle surrounding his humanity. Unlike Sebek, I don’t think Silver is necessarily ashamed of his race or cognizant of this inner conflict; rather, the fact that he is human and is mortal influences his dynamics with the other three greatly. Something easy to overlook with all the gags about Silver falling asleep in random situaftions or playing with animals is that he is burdened with the knowledge he will die long before his loved ones. Lilia, Malleus, and potentially Sebek (not sure about his projected lifespan yet?) are all likely to outlive him and there’s nothing he can do about it. Unlike the others, his time is palpably finite. 

This inner conflict manifests most obviously in his desperation to fix his sleeping issues. While it's in part just a dislike for it constantly disrupting his everyday life, any time spent unconscious is just another reminder of the limited time he has in comparison to his quasi-immortal loved ones. His character profile also marks his dislike as "being idle", which makes total sense when considered in relation to his mortality and not just in relation to his narcolepsy. in this short time he's been blessed with, he should devote his being to giving back to those who raised and cared for him, those who he lives for and who gave him the chance to live. Not a second should be wasted when he could be improving himself as a son, guard, student etc, and this fixation then feeds into his already lacking sense of introspection. While I don’t think he’s necessarily aware of this view of his own humanity (ie it doesn’t cross his mind in such a melancholic or existential way when he’s looking for a cure to his sleeping) I think it’s a key part of his character that explains a lot about his motivations and being. 

But what makes the divide between human and fae lifespans even harder to navigate is the sheer difference in their experiences and values. Of course Lilia and Malleus care for Silver, but the difference in perspectives between a human and a centuries old fae is massive. An example of this is in the Endless Halloween event: 

Silver: There’s no way I could doubt you, Fath…Da…Lilia! You both took this way too far! 

Lilia & Malleus: Hm?

Silver: I understand that you and the ghosts just wanted us to have fun. But those who were taken over by the ghosts tried to fight us. All it would’ve taken was one mistake and someone could’ve gotten seriously injured. Are you saying that was a hint, as well? 

Though Lilia and Malleus clear up the misunderstanding-the ghosts were supposed to tell everyone it was entertainment but were attacked before they could-Silver still shows his willingness to challenge them when he believes it necessary. I wouldn’t add this as an example because it is part of a misunderstanding, but Ace criticizes Malleus in his own SR Scary Dress personal story, citing that “normal students can’t compare”, so he should be more aware of how powerful he is. 

Endless Halloween is in general a really great Silver event. Not only are we shown his willingness to stand up for what he believes is right, even against the people who make up his whole world, he’s forced to confront the question of his humanity in relation to them. In his SSR Scary Dress personal story, he acknowledges that he never thought they could part: 

Silver: Lilia-senpai was always there for me, so I was never lonely.

Silver: Training with Sebek was always fun, and sometimes Malleus-sama would come and visit us in secret…

Silver: Somewhere in my heart, I had decided that that peaceful time would continue on forever.

Silver: …I had never even given it a thought that I could experience a parting.

That’s what makes part 1 of episode 7 is such an interesting set up in terms of character drama- as with the Endless Halloween kidnapping farce, the roles between son and father have been reversed. This time, though, it’s seemingly for real.  Silver can’t picture outliving Lilia, or even just living apart from him forever because the first seemed biologically impossible and the other extremely unlikely, and now everyone is crying and Malleus is burning down NRC. 

The Valley of Thorns is behind on the times. It’s a stagnant and slow to change, a point emphasized in almost all of its mentions, so I think the Diasomnia chapter will center on them coping with time,  change, mortality, etc. I’m trying not to cross over into theory territory, but another possible route episode 7 could take is surrounding Silver’s origins. We see Lilia give him the ring from his original parents. What if he leaves to find them? I really really don’t think he will, but there is that threat of “Silver has ties to another place besides Diasomnia” which is another stake in how lonely Malleus, as the overblotter, is. 

JUST TO REITERATE AGAIN BECAUSE I THINK IT’S IMPORTANT WHEN DISCUSSING SILVER LIKE THIS: I also don't think he's super self-aware yet considering his general lack of introspection, or at least doesn't think about it too often unless he's confronted with a change in the status quo (like in his Scary Monsters SSR). He’s very here-and-now minded. I’m not saying he’s secretly hiding some dark and sad secret side, just that his situation’s complexity extends beyond the falling-asleep-everywhere gags. Mortality and all that. 

PART 3: I LOVE SILVER TWISTED WONDERLAND 

But one thing that always makes me sad about Silver’s situation is wondering…is he lonely? It must be lonely right? Or does he throw so much of himself into others that he isn’t even aware if or when he is? So much of twst boils down to how loneliness absolutely destroys a person, and how understanding from others and human connection is incredibly necessary. Without it, people can turn into literal monsters, consumed by their pain and isolation. Like their leige, Silver and Sebek haven’t socialized with others much until NRC. But a big part of twst chapters is the dorm head/members of the respective dorm connecting with their classmates a little more, which is why I’m hopeful that Diasomnia will have a happy ending. The game is a Disney property after all. 

And as Lilia says, human or not, Silver will always be his son. Sometimes a family can be two fae, a human baby, and their giant crocodile. 

tldr; Silver is isolated in a lot of ways (human instead of fae, has morals unlike the other scrubs at NRC) and hyperfocuses on others instead of his own sake because of it; I think episode 7 will be about him and the rest of Diasomnia learning how to make connections with others while coping with time, change, and mortality. 

[damnfandomproblems]

735268800396656640 I'd like to add my 2c to this, because I have seen it a lot, and I have some theories.

The rate of people faking (and really believing they have) DID seems to have totally skyrocketed during the pandemic, and mainly among people under 18. Though I've seen it in people as old as 40! And I think there were a combination of factors at play. The first was the ease at which Tiktok videos can be consumed and even come off as suggestible to people. I've seen videos of kids sitting in front of a television reiterating very specific "tics" (better called tic-like behaviours) because they found a famous person with Tourette's and their brains started mirroring it.

The second was the lack of support systems for kids during COVID, which left them to their own devices online, often in spaces designed to garner views without any accountability or control over scientific accuracy. The lack of support systems also meant that during COVID, a lot of kids were trapped at home in abusive environments, and were, actually, being traumatized. They were experiencing real effects of trauma, like dissociation, maladaptive daydreaming, even viciously trying to imagine themselves as certain characters in the hopes if they tried hard enough, it would change reality and they would actually become that character (talking from experience here. I had a rough few years as a kid!). But because of Tiktok, they ran into people who were suggesting if they dissociated in any form, they could have DID. Then they watched another video like this, and another video. After enough times, it just becomes normal, and you start to accept it. There's a similar process to how cults work, they purposefully inundate people with BS over and over until the person just accepts it one day, except in this case it's not so intentional, just a sick accident. When this combines with the real trauma-induced escapism needs, you get kids of 15-16 thinking they have DID, when really it's more like complex PTSD or depersonalization/derealization disorder.

But on top of this, during COVID, a lot of kids didn't have the crucial opportunity to socialize with other people. They don't know about code switching. They don't know how people act, for instance, in a customer service job versus school around their friends, versus at home. Maybe they remember from previous years, but it becomes harder and harder to see it as a tangible reality after a long enough time. So they think the different moods, bubbliness, etc depending on their company isn't just normal behaviour, but actually some kind of pathology. This seems to be "corroborated" by all the videos they see online, all the people they see in servers.

Hence, we now have a young generation of people growing up believing they have an incredibly rare disorder, while simultaneously saying insanity like "I have 2,000 personality states", and somehow getting new personality states every week as a new show comes out, when DID mainly happens if someone experiences severe, EXTREME (unthinkable) ongoing trauma when they are very, very young. Not when someone is 15 or 16. You have lists of hundreds, if not thousands, of labels, and even a wiki made by people like this. And it's all over the place in fandom because, well, fandom is an escape for people. Characters are comforting. It gets very close to the heart of whatever trauma these people have gone through. Of course it's impossible to point this out, because some of those made-up labels include pejoratives that try to equate "being aware that someone is not actually suffering from DID" to being bigoted. It's anti-intellectual and effectively, again like how a cult works, cuts off the people in the group from any unbiased feedback, and it keeps them from healing.

I'm genuinely worried.

This is a response to this previous ask.

[gogogoats]

Dragonblade Chapter One - A Deep Dive

20 years after the Jane and the Dragon TV series worked its way into our hearts, the novel we have been waiting for, Dragonblade, has been delivered.

The views expressed in this synopsis/analysis/review/whatever it is are entirely my own, and as a long-standing Gunther fan who sometimes struggles with change, they are neither perfect nor unbiased. I will do my best however to be fair. 

Where we left off in the TV series:

Jane: 12 years old, intelligent, hard-working, concerned for her friends’ wellbeing and open to their opinions, confident but prone to occasional self-doubt, stubborn and determined enough to see her way through a challenge. Easily provoked but with enough good sense to see reason in the end.

Gunther: 14 years old, self-absorbed and aware that he isn’t popular with his contemporaries. His moral compass has been stunted by his upbringing but is present nonetheless and the main source of the internal conflict between his need for his father’s love and his desire to be a good knight. At the end of the TV series he has begun to find creative ways to undermine his father’s schemes, and develop a tentative friendship with the castle staff, but is not yet established as a reliably good character.

Jester: 14 years old, creative, sensitive, loyal to his friends, uncharitable to those he dislikes, devoted to Jane but level-headed and patient and willing to call her out on her own bad behaviour. A voice of reason and wisdom in most situations.

Pepper: 12 years old, emotionally astute but naïve, prone to believing what she hopes is true and not letting the facts get in the way. Maternal, protective and caring, and very supportive of Jane.

Rake: 13 years old, shy, awkward, kind-hearted, nervous and jumpy. Smitten with Pepper but ineloquent. Slowly edging towards a romantic relationship with her.

Smithy: 14 years old, steady, reliable, quiet but not unsociable, firm, practical, strong and kind. A good and loyal friend, even tempered but not without his limits.

Where we pick up in the novel:

Chapter One: Breakfast with Friends

We have jumped ahead five years, although the characters’ ages have only advanced four years. Jane is 16 now (and somehow so is Gunther?) and she is sitting at the dining table in the garden with Rake, Jester, Smithy (18) and Pepper while Dragon sleeps on the castle wall. Jane is now a knight, which was her life-long goal and the main focus of the TV series.

She is in a snappy mood but it’s very early morning so perhaps that explains it. The conversation centers around her large appetite, and when Smithy makes an idle observation, two things happen. The first is that everyone reacts as though him speaking is highly unusual, and the second is that, somehow, the entire group of individuals all wonder to themselves if he was flirting with Jane. There is no reason given for why they all think this. He is slapped by Jane and kicked by Jester for what was a (truly!) innocuous remark, and it’s no wonder he seldom speaks, if this is the penalty. If Smithy was flirting then why not Rake, who began the conversation?

Gunther arrives with news, to a frosty reception. He is no longer welcome at the friends’ shared table, and Jane silently dwells on old slights which were already addressed five years ago. Jester engages him in conversation with a barbed comment, and Gunther prods back. Rake misunderstands their banter and Pepper, seemingly out of nowhere, takes the opportunity to praise his sexual prowess. It’s an uncomfortable moment for both the gardener and myself. Gunther handles the situation by telling Pepper to “Spare [Rake], indeed spare us all.” Thank you, Gunther.

Gunther’s news is that someone called “Haroldus” is enroute to the castle. We the reader do not know who this is, but the castle staff are clearly well acquainted with him, and most are pleased to hear of his coming. Smithy is concerned for his pig. Jester is especially a fan, calling him a source of “intelligent conversation” and a “master orator”.

Dragon is also unaware of who Haroldus is, despite him visiting only two years ago. This is explained away by Dragon apparently sulking in his cave for the duration. The word “orator” is thrown out again, this time by Jane, although apparently said orator wasn’t worth mentioning once he left so Dragon has never heard of him.

The scene ends with a Dragon-sized fart joke.

We flash back to Jane explaining to an unimpressed Sir Theodore how her sword was broken by Dragon (while he used it as a toothpick) in a semi-amusing scenario. Theodore mentions the financial toll Dragon takes on the castle and Jane is dismissed with an order to bathe before inflicting her presence on others.

End chapter.

Overall impressions:

As readers we have been dropped into a pre-existing world with little preamble. I thought I knew these characters well and expected reading this novel to feel like pulling a favourite blanket around me on a cold afternoon, familiar and comforting. Instead it seems that enough has changed with the passage of time that I don’t quite know them anymore, or that they don’t know yet how to be themselves, and the sensation is more like misjudging a step. Not a disaster, but unsettling just the same. Jane is crude and snappy, Theodore is less good-humoured, and all of her friends seem to have lost a degree of the kindness and sweetness I have always associated with them. Perhaps there is a reason for this, which will be revealed in future chapters. The narrative also seems to be finding its feet, swinging between sex jokes and fart jokes as though unsure what its audience wants.

There are mistakes littered throughout, such as Jane’s “main” of red hair, which add to my discomfort while reading. I am aware that these errors continue through upcoming chapters and will try to limit my comments on them unless they are truly erroneous. No promises though!

Changes to canon: Gunther’s age, Pig’s gender (he may be a new pig)

Time passed: no more than an hour

[the-trans-dragon]

https://www.tumblr.com/mousegirlheart/712995877228298240/mouse-yaoi-real

Idk it seems ciscentered, trans excluding to treat “male mice” like a coherent thing — rather than some construct we assign to them like how we assign it with amab people — and then further to conflate 2 male mice together as being yaoi and gay… it reinforces being “male” (amab) as a biological thing not something to do with gender and identity.

Hmmm... I can't seem to see things from your perspective. Is the only issue that it says "mouse yaoi real"?

I reblogged because it's incredibly cool that it happened! It helps dissolve our rigid ideas of sex, in my opinion. One of the biggest trans-exclusionary arguments in my current culture is "women are women because they can bear children," which ties into the ever-present homophobic argument of "homosexuality is wrong because it cannot produce offspring."

The ramifications for this sort of thing are still "up in the air," so to speak, since experiments with mice cannot always be replicated in humans. But the ability to create a viable offspring from a same-sex pair of mammalian model organisms is still a big break-through, especially because of the implications of creating an egg with two X chromosomes from a male skin cell with only one X chromosome! As the CNN article itself explains,

"The proof-of-concept research, the culmination of years of pain-staking lab work, could expand the possibilities for future fertility treatments, including for same-sex couples, and perhaps help prevent the extinction of endangered animals. "

The ability to create viable offspring from "male" cells is a direct wound to the idea that "male" is a rigid characteristic. If I allow myself to daydream, I can ponder other possibilities: could you turn "male" skin cells into other cells? Could a trans woman one day have her own cells used to grow a uterus? Growing entire organs is a wholly different feat, compared to creating a single gamete, with difficulties such as incorporating it into a pre-existing organism (eg, even if you could grow a uterus, could you get it connected to the circulatory system?). It's a far-off daydream, thanks to the current culture's fear of research that questions it's rigid ideas of sex and gender. But it's a daydream that comes closer to being reality when science achieves breakthroughs like this!

I am being overly hopeful. Science is very slow to make progress in regards to sex. Progress is discouraged and poorly funded, and can even be destroyed, such as with the Hirshfield Institution. But seeing science make progress like this, despite the hostile culture, gives me hope in itself.

It's unfortunate that our current vocabulary is inadequate and rife with bias that assumes everything is cisgender, heterosexual, and perisex. In our efforts to understand the unbiased nature of sex, it's important to examine our views for these issues. Does "mouse yaoi real" contribute to cis-centric, trans-exclusionary biases? I dunno. No. Yeah. Sure. It doesn't matter. Or maybe it does.

Anyways, the science is really really really really cool. I have other thoughts on the matter, but my vocabulary feels inadequate to verbalize them, and instead I am just taking a moment here to talk about the science a little, explain how it can be utilized as a step towards trans healthcare, and emphasize the importance of celebrating these things.

[hvly]

WOULD you have accepted if the Hauge said that Israel isn’t committing genocide? I doubt you would have since your most recent bullshit post has proven to shown you’re a terror sympathizer

send your asks to @chaosim next time, babe. but i’ll answer it here since you seem to have a hard time following instructions.

you’re entitled to believe what you want about me, i really don’t give a fuck. but when it comes to the ruling, if the judges came back and said “they’re not committing genocide and can carry on !” then i would accept it. simple as that. because i’m not looking to be right, i’m looking for the truth.

i’d hope that the judges at the Hague reviewed evidence from both Israel and South Africa with an impartial and unbiased view and came to their decision based off of facts; which i believe they have done. i trust their judgement and i trust their verdict. it just so happens it was in favor of Palestine.

[juniperhillpatient]

The Awakening

It was interesting to re-watch this episode because I remember being annoyed with Aang a lot during Book 3 the first time I watched this show & because the comics/parts of fandom / more thinking about it have increased my dislike for the Katara/Aang romance, I expected to be angrier at Aang. But, I actually feel like thinking about it more made me less mad at Aang for running off & behaving the way he does than the first time I watched.

I still don't think it's fair to send Katara away when she's trying desperately to help, but I get why he does it. Aang has spent the entire series learning to accept his destiny as the Avatar & a huge part of that is being a symbol of HOPE for the world. Learning that he has to be a secret now? That the world thinks that he's gone & that he failed? I can see how that would lead someone to push people away & want to do everything alone...Especially because Aang is also struggling with how awful he feels about the fall of Ba Sing Se. So, I hate how he pushes Katara away, & I hate that he tries to abandon the Gaang, but...I'm still sympathetic to him, possibly more than the first time that I watched, having put more thought into it.

Alright, shocking to no one the dynamic between the Fire Siblings is the most interesting part of this episode to me. I also found the scene where Mai checks on Zuko & tells him not to worry really cute. I need more of the Dangers Ladies Feat. Zuko as a group in my life. I'm sad we didn't see Ty Lee, but I guess there wasn't time. Zuko is struggling with fears about coming home & it shows.

[ID: Azula standing & looking at Zuko. end id]

Alright. The turtle duck pond scene. Let's talk about it.

Everyone shut up I am thinking about how cute it is that Zuko goes right to the turtle duck pond to feed them it's probably one of the few places on the palace grounds he finds comforting...

The million-dollar question in the fandom seems to be - did Azula already know that Aang had survived?

I obviously have a bit of an agenda here I won't deny that. I'm a huge fan of Azula. I do think she was redeemable, & I have chosen fire siblings reconciliation as possibly the main focus of my fandom experience or at least A Main Focus. So, like, I'm not gonna pretend to be unbiased. BUT I do think that I've hopefully made it clear that I'm not interested in denying anything evil Azula did, or making her a victim where she wasn't, or whatever. I just like to examine character motivations & make them make sense. So - long story short - I do not think there is any way Azula could have possibly known that Aang survived before Zuko gave it away because he sucks at lying.

Let's look at the scene in context:

Azula: You seem so downcast. Has Mai gotten to you already? Though actually, Mai has been in a strangely good mood lately. [smiles]

Zuko: I haven't seen Dad yet. I haven't seen him in three years, since I was banished.

Azula: So what?

Zuko So, I didn't capture the Avatar.

Azula: Who cares? The Avatar is dead ... [Zuko looks away.] unless you think he somehow miraculously survived.

Contrast this with the way they were both welcomed home - as war heroes. Lo & Li give a huge speech about how Zuko & Azula are heroes & amazing & everyone should love them etc (& they're so right.)

I have consistently brought up Zuko's inability to lie throughout this rewatch & I think it bites him in the ass here. Azula is smart. She's a good lair herself, & she can pick up on it when other people do it - especially Zuko.

So, I think that Azula's original intention was to bring Zuko home as a war hero. She genuinely viewed Ba Sing Se as a victory & believed the Avatar was dead & the Fire Nation was doing amazing & to her, that was great. I think that what people who want to view Azula as an evil mastermind forget is that she kinda still IS one if you read it from this perspective, you just need to keep in mind her ACTUAL motivations. Azula's world doesn't revolve around bringing Zuko down, her world revolves around SERVING THE FIRE NATION & her father. Azula bringing Zuko home a hero doesn't take away her villain card or whatever it is people who refuse to see it this way are worried about. It just remains consistent with her motivations. Azula would want to see the royal family intact. You have to remember, Azula views herself & the Fire Nation as the GOOD GUYS. It's what she's been taught. They're not, & pushing Zuko to betray Iroh was objectively bad for the protagonists. But from AZULA'S perspective, she was doing a good thing for the royal family.

I also do think that yes, Azula wanted to help Zuko. The thing about Azula is that she is on the wrong side of the war, but she's not an unfeeling monster, she's a teenage girl. She likely did miss her brother & think she was doing him a huge favor.

The Bedroom Scene Tm. I said I had a controversial reading & you all assumed I meant Zucest vibes. And I did. But I also actually meant I just STILL don't view this as Azula being an evil monster lmao & I mean, that's not controversial among Azula fans, but it kinda is in the larger fandom.

[ID: Zuko glaring at Azula while she smiles. end id]

Zuko confronts Azula, & she teases him & insinuates that the Avatar might be alive. I read this as Azula trying to sus out whether the Avatar is still alive, TBH. Then, Zuko all but confirms what she already got from their turtle duck pond conversation.

So like, TLDR: Azula wasn't ORIGINALLY trying to use Zuko as a fall guy but once he made it obvious the Avatar might still be alive, THEN yeah, she was trying to save her own ass.

Oh, okay, & some quick criticisms of the #Narrative Framing or whatever...This is the first episode where we get a clear view of Zuko. I want to say that I do really love the scene between Zuko & Ozai contrasted against the scene between Katara & Hakoda, that was just an excellent parallel. It also shows us that our main villain is becoming a major player. I'm ok with Ozai as a background figure throughout Book 2, but I think that Book 3 would have been stronger if they leaned more into Ozai as the Big Bad rather than continuing to frame Azula as the Big Bad like she was in Book 2. This season we get a lot more of Azula's interiority as a character, & more sympathetic moments.

And just to be clear, I'm not against the fact that Azula is still a villain. Sorry fellow Azula Redemption truther girlies, but I'm of the belief that there was not time for her to have a redemption arc in Book 3. It could have been hinted at, we could have gotten a more hopeful ending, but there wasn't time for her to abandon her loyalty to the Fire Nation. So, I'm NOT saying "it was time for the show to STOP framing Azula as a villain." I'm SAYING.....Well, they could have given us more scenes with Ozai like the one in this episode to really concrete his spot as the Big Bad Tm. I liked what we got in this episode, I wish we could've gotten more. I guess that's what I'm trying to say.

Alright, so I've rambled enough about the Fire Nation royal family....Uh....There are other characters in this show...

I have nothing much to say about Toph or Sokka in this episode other than that Toph gets +1000 iconic behavior points for using metal bending to defend their ship. Katara gets +1000 for her use of water-bending to help. I don't dislike Sokka in this episode, he just didn't do much worth analyzing.

The only other scene that I want to focus on before I end this incredibly long review.....Is one of my favorite scenes in the series. I love the scene between Katara & Hakoda.

The entire buildup of Katara acting distant & angry from her father & talking about Aang prioritizing the greater good over what she needs & Hakoda realizing that she's talking about him too is just...STELLAR writing. I get emotional every single time. I also think that these feelings Katara is having, serve to explain further why she let Sokka reunite with their father last season rather than going herself.

[ID: Katara crying as she hugs Hakoda. end id]

Katara: [Embraces Hakoda.] I understand why you left. I really do, and I know that you had to go, so why do I still feel this way? I'm so sad and angry and hurt!

Hakoda: I love you more than anything. You and your brother are my entire world. I thought about you every day when I was gone and every night when I went to sleep, I would lie awake missing you so much it would ache.

I'm not crying, you are.

And the ending of the episode serves as a nice thesis for the season. Aang does return to the group & agrees to go undercover. Having to hide his staff & his arrow....That's pretty sad. I think it shows how much Aang has grown throughout the series so far that he is willing to do it though. That's all I have for now!

[ollie604]

Week 1 SDL

The creative:

As a studying communication designer it is my job to communicate what would otherwise be a wall of text in a meaningful and exciting way. The research for my projects is an immensely important aspect. I will delve into incredibly deep rabbit holes in search of finding/understanding new topics. This acts as a double edged sword however, I will collect an incredibly vast amount of documented research and comment on every piece however I could end up spending far to much time working on the research by the end of the project.

As a designer I like to work off information. I analyse the brief, I question things I don't understand and use my gathered research as a basis for work to come. I like to work in an illustrative manner however recently discovered my appreciation for kinetic design.

The biggest influence for my design journey was back when I was 11 years old. I visited the FCB Auckland building with my class and discovered my appreciation for the work that goes into creating the "stick-man" advertisements for Pak-n-Save and many more examples of what was being developed there. Recently FCB Auckland is colloquially known as "the change agency". They work with clients to tackle sensitive topics such as mental health or safety on the roads, which furthers my appreciation of their work and has only driven me harder as the years have progressed to get to a point where I may be able to work with them. Recently I have been getting inspired and influenced by places where established designers post their work, Behance. Filled with incredible work of all mediums which has helped me in the past move past creative blocks.

By taking an unbiased approach so that I can see both sides to a story when developing work.

By staying up-to date on current events and news I can maintain a current view on what is acceptable in the design-world. By exploring and taking photos I can begin to collect and amass an album of photos that could be used in moodboards or be developed into a final product.

I have never enjoyed my practice more than right now. I envy all those that have succeeded and paved the way to what graphic design is right now. I value the development in technology to enable me to work as efficient as I do now.

The creation:

I like to work based off research and information. Part of this may be due to the way I grew up doing art classes. I need research and information to lay the basis of my creative process otherwise I am "lost". I like to work in a digital medium, I prefer to work with layout design, illustration and motion/kinetic design, I feel that these different ways of present

Being brought up with sustainable ideologies, multiple topics throughout my portfolio include sustainable connotations. I did an entire project in my second semester of year one around electric cars and brought up several facts that proves their effectiveness at reducing dangerous gases compared to their gas counterparts. I tend to avoid political connotations in my work (unless explicitly specified) since it can cause unnecessary hostility. Influences around me certainly are present in my work. I like to work off information and therefore if I see an interesting looking leaf on the floor I would attempt to work that into my project.

I think that a modernist approach is always present in my projects. I like to use minimalistic approaches when it comes to text and then an illustrative approach to image-making for the appeal to multiple target audiences. Recently my Materials and Media project was based on neon lights and I was incredibly enthralled by the bright lights throughout the project. I am quite a fan of the cyber-punk genre and I think that becomes apparent throughout my work from the use of a modernist approach.

I think my knowledge of technology can be used in my work to portray a more accepting approach towards future iterations of technology. People are understandably nervous about developments in AI and I hope that my understanding of the topic can help calm peoples nerves by portraying the topic in an easy to understand way.

I want to better understand kinetic type and how to employ it in a meaningful manner.

The creative communities:

People like David Carson for his way of portraying complex subject matter in a comprehensive and meaningful way. Dean Poole for his sculptures and photography matter. I would love to meet with the designers from FCB Auckland as they were the reason I became a graphic designer to begin with.

They all communicate with society and make people think outside of the box. FCB Auckland however is colloquially named "the change agency", they challenge societal normalities by bringing light to sensitive topics for better awareness for the public.

I think it comes down to what is current and what is considered "old". All designers and agencies like to communicate in subjectively abstract ways by making people look at the work in ways that would force people to look again for a deeper meaning.

Creative wanted, more alive than dead…

The utilisation of different mediums, I love how so many people specialise professionally in different mediums; animation, painting, typography ect. They act as perfect case-studies for me to better grasp what kind of designer I want to be when I'm older. The people I meet inspire me to work to a higher standard and therefore today, I work to an incredibly high standard before I can sit down and say "this is ready".

I would want to share a meal with Stefan Sagmeister to discuss his interesting ways of presenting typography.

I would want to work with Catherine Griffiths for her intricate ways of presenting work in a physical, tangible manner.

I would want to be mentored by Dean Poole for his understanding of business and the world of design furthermore his philosophical mind in regards to the human mind.

[hockeyboysimagines]

The second time you fall in Love

Chapter 4

warnings: Alcohol, parties, language, talks of self esteem and abusive relationships and cheating.

It feels so good to update! I hope you enjoy this and thank you to all who were so patient-💕

Much to Ava’s dismay Tyler turned out to not be so bad. It would have been so much easier to put distance between them if he hadn’t been so damn likeable but he was.

He made her laugh, and while her guard was still up, he had made a dent in her life. She was comfortable now with his flirting but she never returned it. It almost made him a little sad because he knew deep down there was a whole side of her he might never see. She was so closed off from him and he started to notice little things about her the more he spent time with her.

She hardly wore any makeup, and while she didn’t need it he suspected that that was not the reason she didn’t wear it. She wore a lot of loose clothing, and very rarely showed much skin unless she was wearing shorts. She never did much with her hair, and he couldn’t figure out why. It’s was thick and long but it hung there, straight every day or in a ponytail. She wasn’t overly social, she didn’t make eye contact, and the only time she ever lit up was when you was talking about her students or when she was with the dogs.

It was sad, heartbreaking even to see this girl, not only beautiful outside but beautiful inside, which he could see even from the small glimpses he got.

“ I just don’t get it. I’ve tried everything.” Tyler said to Jamie during golfing one day. While the other guys ragged on him about girls, Jamie took a more philosophical approach. He’s had his own share of relationship struggles and was able to give him an unbiased view point.

“Maybe your going about it the wrong way Seggs.”

“What other way is there?”

“Well.” He leaned on his club “It sounds like she was burned pretty badly. I don’t know her, but that messes people up. Maybe she needs you to show her that your not going to do it. Reassurance, affirmation, and words can show that more than flirting.”

“I’m better at flirting.”

Jamie pulled a face at him “Have you asked her about it? The guy?”

“I’m almost afraid to, but she just said he ruined her life. She didn’t say how.”

“Maybe it’s time you find out. The worst she can do is not tell you, right?”

“No the worst she can do is tell me to fuck off.”

Jamie pursed his lips and shrugged “True. Only one way to find out.”

“I was thinking of having a get together. Asking her to come.”

“If she’s okay with hanging out with you alone I don’t see why not, but if she says no you have to respect that.”

“I will, just hoping she says yes.”

“You must be pretty hung up on the girl.”

“Is it that obvious?”

“Yeah. I’m kicking your ass in golf and that never happens.”

“Shut up.”

*************

“A party?”

“A get together.” He corrected her, lobbing the hall for Molly. Molly was in way better shape than all three of his put together and since they’d been hanging out all of his dogs had dropped some weight. They never gave up though, and huffed and puffed as they chased after her. When he turned back to her, Ava’s face was solid as steel.

“Tyler-“

“Before you say no. Just think about it.”

“I don’t do the party thing.”

“Bring a friend, if you don’t wanna come you don’t have to. Either way, I’m coming to your school tomorrow. So think about it and give me an answer then.No pressure.”

No pressure from Tyler really meant that he wanted her to come really bad, but he would act like it was fine if she didn’t. She watched as Molly rolled around on the grass with Cash, and bit her lip.

She enjoyed hanging out with Tyler one on one, more than she ever thought she would have, but a party was so.

Public

She thought back to what Mila and Pierre said.

Deep down, they were right. Pierre, who barely knew her, was telling her from an unbiased 3rd party that she was being down right ridiculous for hiding from a guy she hadn’t seen or spoken to in years, and that was controlling her life from wherever he was. It wasn’t fair to her or anyone, and it wasn’t fair to Tyler. Brandon was holding her back from so much, but even as she realized it she could feel his invisible grip tighten on her subconscious.

She felt a tear come to her eye and she wiped at it, sniffling and drawing in a shuddering breath. Molly laid her head on her knee and whined softly.

“Oh Moll. What am I gonna do.” A tear ran down her cheek and dripped on to her arm followed by several more. She tilted her head towards the ceiling, blinking but she just couldn’t stop it. She had been on this path of self destruction for a while, holding everything in and burying it so deep, it had kindled and caught fire and had been smoldering for so long it was raging and she just couldn’t stop it. Waves of heat crept up her chest and neck as she heaved in a breath and choked out more sobs.

She was crying so hard she didn’t even hear her phone buzzing. It buzzed for a while as she sobbed, and shuddered and cried so hard she felt like she was going to throw up. A knock on her front door startled her and she stood quickly and hurried forward forgetting that she probably looked like a drowned rat.

She was more than surprised to come face to face with Tyler who looked alarmed when he saw her.

“What are you doing here?” She rasped at him, quickly wiping her cheeks.

“I called you like 10 times, and when you didn’t answer I got worried. Are you okay.” He reached an arm out, and though it normally would have made her recoil she let him rest a hand on her shoulder.

“No. I’m not.”

“Okay. Well we don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to, but I’m not leaving you here alone.”

He brushed past her and closed the door, before steering her to her sofa, giving Molly a pat on the head and raiding her cabinets till he found some alcohol. After a few moments of being seated across from her, he finally spoke.

“Ava.” He said gently “What happened to you? You don’t have to tell me, but it might help me understand if you did.”

Her lower lip trembled a little and she sniffed loudly.

“You wouldn’t understand.”

“No probably not. But I do understand that whatever it is has a pretty strong grip on you, and that your my friend and I’m worried about you.”

“Why? You barely know me Tyler.”

“I’m trying to. But you just never put down this wall and I don’t get why. I don’t understand, but maybe you can help me.”

She looked like a caged animal, shrunken down as far in her seat as she could, eyes red and cheeks tear stained. It broke Tyler’s heart.

“Do you-“ she started shakily “Do you remember when you asked me what guy ruined my life? The first time at the airport?” He nodded and she continued “He didn’t just ruin my life. He killed my brother.”

Tyler felt his blood run cold and the blood drain from his face. Ava was looking at her knees as a fresh trail of tears fell down, soaking into her jeans.

“Brandon was my first boyfriend, and also the last I ever had. He was what I thought love was supposed to be. But he was a fucking cancer and he poisoned every aspect of my life. The cheating, the drugs, the alcohol. And then he started hitting me. We got in this fight one night and I said I was done with him for good after I caught him with another girl. He got pissed off at me and he left me in a parking lot at 2 am.” She closed her eyes and swallowed hard, letting out a breath through her nose “I called my brother to come get me. Brandon was mad and not paying attention and hit my brother head on. He died a week later. And it’s all my fault.”

“Ava. You can’t blame yourself for that.”

“Why not?” She asked, voice cracking “If I hadn’t been so stupid he might still be alive. If I had just listened-“ she choked, losing it before she could finish the sentence. Tyler couldn’t take it anymore.

He scooted forward and pulled her into a hug, her face coming to rest against his shoulder. She cried silently, until the tears dissolved into hiccups and then he felt her stiffen.

“Thanks.” She said leaning up and moving away from him “Sorry for acting like a crazy person. Just lost it there.”

“Ava don’t-don’t do this.”

“Do what?”

“The ice queen act. You just opened up to me for the first time and just like that, you slammed the door again. Don’t.”

She looked dumbfounded, but he stood his ground and didn’t apologize. The only way to get through to her was to he honest.

“I’m trying really fucking hard here okay? And you just never let me all the way in, but I think you want to? I get that he messed you up, but Ava.” He very slowly reached for her hand “I would never do that to you.”

She was staring at his hand holding her own. Her cheeks were still red and her eyes were puffy but she wasn’t shuddering and heaving anymore. She just looked tired and moderately confused.

“I-I know. I know you wouldn’t. I’m just all over the place.” She let out a small chuckle and tucked her hair behind her ears “I’ll be okay.”

“Are you sure? I can stay for a while…but if not I’ll see you tomorrow yeah? At school?”

“I’m alright. Thanks for coming over, and yes I will see you tomorrow.”

Ava wasn’t a big hugger, but when Tyler reached for her she didn’t get stiff, or awkward or even pull away. She didn’t exactly grip him back the way he wanted her to but she did melt against him for the smallest fraction of a second but he felt it.

As he drove home he felt triumphant. He had worked hard, harder than he ever had and he had made a very small hole in the wall she had spent so many years building. It was minuscule, but it was definitely there. He smiled softly as he went about the rest of his night.

He wasn’t going to stop. He had seen a glimpse of the real Ava for the first time. A raw look at her, and it cemented his feelings even further. He would prove to her that one way or another she was worth it. And he was too.

**********

Ava was a bouncing ball of stress and vomit the next morning. She had fallen asleep thinking about Tyler and woken up thinking about Tyler and she was walking into school now…thinking about Tyler.

Brandon was vaguely in there somewhere, but her feelings were twisted and tangled and forming a very tight knot that was giving her a headache. She smiled absently at other teachers as she made her way into school and to her classroom.

The Dallas Stars would be at school in a little less than an hour. Her kids would be filing into her classroom in about 30 minutes, after which she would take attendance and they would bring the kids to the gym. The stars would not only be doing activities with the kids in the gym, but would be coming into the classroom also to do a project with the students and answer all their burning questions.

Ava hadn’t spoken to anyone besides Mila and Pierre about her encounter, and new found friendship with Tyler and she just knew that she would be bombarded by questions from her fellow staff members when they found out. She had always been friendly and polite, but she never indulged in gossip or talk about her personal life with anyone but Marcy. But not even she knew about Tyler.

Her kids filed in the room chattering excitedly, more than one of them dressed in victory green or sporting stars jerseys. There would be no point in trying to wrangle them so she busied herself with checking her emails and organizing her papers to grade while they hung out and waited for the principals morning announcements.

“Are you excited Miss A?”

Ava smiled tightly and nodded “Me? Are you guys excited?”

“So excited. So many cute guys!” The girls in her room dissolved into giggles and started whispering about the guys on the team. She could hear them say “Tyler Seguin” loud and clear more than once. She sighed and swallowed thickly.

It was going to be a very long day.

************

“So where’s this hot teacher-“

Tyler sent a flying elbow into Roope’s side causing him to yelp.

“We are in a school! And shut up. Your being so obvious.”

Jamie was giggling away from his other side as they watched the PR team talking with several of the school administrators. It looked like a pretty fun event. The gym was huge, and had different activities set up in different sections for the kids to try. While Tyler liked kids and enjoyed these types of trips he really just wanted to see Ava.

Teachers we’re beginning to bring groups into the gym, but so far he didn’t see anyone he recognized until he felt a presence at his shoulder.

“Who are you looking for?”

He turned to find Ava herself, standing slightly awkwardly next to him, but smiling all the same. He grinned and felt his ears get hot.

“Hey! I was looking for you. Figured you might have taken a sick day cuz you knew I was coming.”

She shrugged “I thought about it, but hanging out with you isn’t so bad, so I figured I’d suffer through it.” He rolled his eyes and gave her a nudge. “Which kids are yours?”

She held up a finger and pointed “Group 8.”

Fuck

He had group 6, but he was definitely switching with whoever had group 8. He chatted with her for another moment before they parted ways and she went to join her students.

“Who has group 8!” He whispered hurriedly. Esa held up his paper and had began to speak when Tyler ripped it from his hand and shoved his own Group 6 paper at him. He looked around seeing that Jamie, thank god, had the other group 8 paper.

“You weren’t kidding. She’s a fox.”

“Yeah Yeah I know.” He grumbled. He’d only ever seen her in gym clothing or leggings but seeing her dressed for school was like seeing a whole new Ava. She wore a long sleeve burgundy shirt, dark jeans, and a pair of boots. She still had her long hair pulled straight and very little makeup on, but she carried herself different today. Maybe it was the influence of work, but he also wondered if maybe she felt better. She had opened up to him a little about her past and he knew that if he was her, it would have made him feel better. He was jarred from his thoughts when he heard a microphone squeal and the principle clear his throat.

He welcomed the team and explained how the day was going to go, the schedule and who would be assigned to which groups.

Ava felt a small pang in her stomach when she heard ‘Jamie Benn and Tyler Seguin will be assigned to Group 8 today.’ And wondered if he planned that. Tyler wandered over with a very tall, pleasantly handsome dark haired teammate, who smiled and extended a hand.

“You must be Ava. I’m Jamie.” Normally Ava would have politely smiled back and stiffly shook his hand, but something about his big eyes and warm smile didn’t set off sirens in her head, but rather made her give a genuine smile back.

“It’s nice to meet you Jamie.”

“I’ve heard a lot about you.” He gave Tyler a small glance and then smiled wider when Tyler glared at him.

“Oh yeah?”

Tyler smiled nervously and cleared his throat “Anyways. Where are we heading first?” he moved past her to introduce himself and Jamie to the kids and then led them to the first activity of the day, leaving her at the back of the group with Jamie.

“He likes you, you know.” Jamie said quietly. His voice was soft, like his eyes and he sounded genuine.

“He thinks he likes me. But I’m not his type.”

Jamie rolled his eyes and chuckled “No your not, and believe me when I tell you that’s a good thing.”

“How so?”

“Seggs is my best buddy, and I know when he’s being serious about something. These other girls that throw themselves at him don’t really catch his attention anymore. But you have.”

“But I didn’t do anything.”

“On the contrary, you have done more by not doing anything than you ever could have if you did something.” He furrowed his eyebrows “Did that make sense?”

“Not at all.”

He smiled and chuckled and she did too before he spoke “Really though, he’s a good guy. Just give him a chance to prove it to you.”

“I’ll-I’ll keep it in mind.”

He smiled and walked forward to help Tyler hand the kids their stuff. Tyler sent him a look and gave her a tight smile before he turned to Jamie.

“What was that about?”

“We we’re talking about you. Don’t worry.” He said when Tyler opened his mouth to speak “I said all good things. And I only lied a little.”

“Great.”

**********

Ava smiled in spite of herself as she watched the kids goof around across the gym.

“Tyler Seguin is staring at you.”

She turned to find Marcy at her elbow and followed her gaze to find that Tyler was in fact looking.

“Uh yeah I know. I know him.”

“You what?” She hissed “How?”

“We had the same flight on the way back here. He’s from Brampton.” She explained the encounter and the flight and then the park a few days later.

“Don’t we have some kind of communication system for ‘I met a hot guy who’s a superstar’ and other important events?”

“Stop. He’s a hockey player not Jesus. We’re friends.”

“Are you sure about that?”

“Positive. Now go away.”

Marcy gave her a nudge and went back to her group. Tyler had now appeared on her other side and smiled.

“Having fun?” She asked.

“Tons. I love this kind of stuff, and kids. This is a great group.”

“They are. This is really good for them.”

“Plus I get to see you again….”

“That reminds me…I wanted to say thanks. For not thinking I’m a total basket case after yesterday. I lost my mind for a little while there.”

He frowned and his eyes softened. He reached one hand forward and gripped her wrist softly “Your not a basket case, and you don’t have to thank me. I should be thanking you.”

“For what?”

“For telling me all that. Your so closed off. It felt good to know you trusted me enough to tell me. Did it make you fee better?”

She thought for a moment “It did actually.”

“Good. Then that’s what’s important.”

The rest of the morning passed by and then the kids had lunch with the players before they sat down for the Q&A part of the day. Ava was standing at the back of the room listening as different kids asked different players questions, until Rachel one of her boy crazy girls raised her hand.

“My question is for Tyler? Do you have a girlfriend?” The group of girls she was sitting with giggled at her question and for the briefest of seconds Tyler and Ava made eye contact. Her breath hitched in her throat and she stiffened as he began to answer.

“Not right now.”

He continued to stare at her for a minute until another student asked him a question. Her heart was beating entirely too loud and she was sure everyone in the room could hear it. She didn’t hear anything past that, but she couldn’t stop the deep blush that had spread across her cheeks.

“Are you okay?” She jumped and turned to find Principle Phillips staring at her “Your very flushed.”

“Oh I’m okay. Just a bit warm is all.”

The Stars left shortly after, and Ava took her kids back to the room. There was an hour of school left, and she gave them a free period. She was exhausted and she needed time to think. Tyler was waiting on an answer about the party he wanted her to come to. She let her fingers hover over the keyboard for a minute before she typed out a message.

Okay. I’ll come to this party. What time ?

T: really? Hell yeah you can come whenever, Just as long as your coming.

A:I’ll be there.

************

“She’s coming don’t worry.” Jamie said chuckling into his drink. Jamie O was chuckling “Seggs are you nervous?”

“What?” He scoffed “I don’t get nervous okay.”

“Well if you aren’t nervous then trust me when I say she’s coming.”

“How do you know? Maybe she changed her mind.”

“She didn’t.”

“How do you know that though?”

“Because she’s right there.”

Tyler followed Jamie’s pointed finger and sucked in a deep breath. Ava was walking apprehensively towards them in a dark grey tank top that showed an inch or so, of flat stomach and blue jeans with holes in the knees. Her hair fell down in sleek strands to her elbows and her smile was nervous as she looked around.

“ Hey Ty?”

“Hmmmmmm?”

“Could you close your mouth? Your drool is getting my feet wet.” Jamie O laughed loudly and soon Jamie joined in and then even Tyler smiled in spite of himself as she finally reached him.

“Hi.” She said giving him a big smile

“Hi.” He reached for her awkwardly and gave her a hug that made her want to melt into his big chest but she restrained herself and let go after a few moments.

“ Wow I’m really underdressed.” She said looking around at the other partygoers and then down at herself.

“Nah. Trust me you don’t want to look like them.”Jamie said waving a hand “You look hot. Right Ty?”

Jamie and Jamie wore identical evil grins “Yeah you do. I didn’t mean that. I mean I did but I mean-your beautiful-I just- I need to stop talking.”

“I’ve never seen him this way. Who is this guy?” Jamie O whispered.

“Our boy is in love.” While Ava didn’t hear them Tyler did and he aimed a backhanded punch at whoever was closest before he spoke again “Can I get you a drink? The bar is in here.” He glared at them before he set off across the yard leading her inside.

He introduced her to his friends, and stayed close through the night.

“I thought you were gonna stand me up.” He admitted as they stood talking by the pool.

“Why?”

“Just had a feeling. But I’m really glad you came.”

“Me too. I’m having a good time.”

He smiled and she felt her resolve cracking underneath it. The alcohol mixed with his presence was absolutely intoxicating. She just wanted to kiss the socks off the guy. But while her brain was screaming “run for the hills” her heart was still insisting there would be kissing.

The alcohol was pounding in her ears as people began to filter out of Tyler’s yard, and her inner body parts continued to fight with one another. He yawned and turned to find her standing there. She smiled uncertainly.

“Do you-do you need help cleaning up?”

He smiled and shook his head “No. I usually hire like a crew to clean, but if you wanna hang out for a while that’d be cool.”

“Uh. Sure.”

She followed Tyler to the back porch when she felt woozy and stumbled.

“You okay?”

“I’m fine I just don’t drink very often oh-“ her flip flop caught on the pavement and she fell forward. He caught her, his big hands coming to grip her waist. She looked up in surprise and realized their faces were less than 6 inches apart. The air around them froze, and she felt a tightness in her chest as he looked at her eyes and then her mouth. She wanted to kiss him so damn bad but she was so petrified she couldn’t move, only watch as he leaned forward slightly and stopped as if asking for permission. She felt her heart rate pick up and she stiffened. This was too real and too scary. Her brain was screaming at the top of its lungs to stop and it was drowning out the words in her heart.

“Tyler.” She said softly. Everything about her eyes was saying kiss me but she was stiff in his arms and he could hear her heart beating. He had gotten to this point with her and as much as it pained him to do it, he slowly moved his hands from her arms and took a small step back.

“I’m sorry.” She said looking at her feet “I’m just-sorry.”

“Why won’t you let me in?” Tyler looked hurt and confused and it broke her heart to know it was because of her. He deserved so much, and she could never give that to him. She sputtered for a moment and then her eyes got glassy.

“I’m sorry I have to go.” He watched as she turned on her heel and disappeared from his sight as she called for an Uber. He sighed frustratedly and sat down on his back steps, head in his hands. Ava climbed into the backseat of the Uber and held it in until it dropped her off and she made it inside her house. And then she slid to the floor.

And cried.

[obviouslygenuinely]

Babygate Analysis/Conclusions: A Non-Larry Perspective

(Image Credit: Hollywood Life)

I'm prefacing this post with a few disclaimers:

After some consideration, I chose to write this without factoring in Larry whatsoever. No Larry-related points, proof, or speculation in any way. This is solely analyzing babygate from an unbiased perspective. 

I don't claim to know the entire truth. It is impossible for any of us to know.  What I conclude is based on direct evidence, circumstantial evidence, research, and analysis.

I am willing to discuss opposing views. I’m happy to talk about the topic in a civil, kind, and mature matter. I will dismiss any discourse that is aggressive, immature, and so on.

I did not include every single opinion/conclusion/piece of evidence I found. I condensed my thoughts as much as possible (and this is still a novel-length post). There are so many more points I can think of. However, babygate masterposts cover all of that; I’ll link to some of those at the end.

The conclusion points aren't in a very specific order. I aimed to list related points one after another. Aside from that, it's not in order of "hardest to weakest" evidence.

Please read “Author’s Notes” for additional clarity/input. They interject thoughts/etc. that I feel are necessary to include. 

Lastly, I included links to every source I cited in this post. However, I did not tag the Tumblr users. I’m not sure if they are comfortable with having Babygate questions/comments directed to their blogs. If you are a linked source and want to be tagged, please let me know! 

My Initial Reaction To Babygate

In February of 2020, I received several messages on LateToLarry requesting that I analyze something called “babygate”. I had no idea what babygate meant at the time. 

I learned what it meant, and prior to any research I felt the theory was so absurd. I also felt uncomfortable analyzing it because I believed I’d feel bias as a single mom. The idea of discussing a random child in depth initially bothered me, too. I declined to analyze it last year.

However, I did a LOT of research over time. My opinion has changed significantly. Below, I’ve shared my main conclusions and analysis about babygate. Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoy my post! 

1. No Paternity Test Was Performed Prior To The Pregnancy Announcement

Louis was/is a prominent celebrity and has a current net worth of $70 million. From legal, financial, and practical standpoints, it makes no sense for him to choose not to get a test. 

It’s unheard of in Hollywood and the entertainment industry. Any sensible team -lawyers, PR reps, managers, advisors, etc. - would not just go along with it. They are employed to protect his career and image. 

The Opposing Views

A. “Briana/Louis didn’t want to risk miscarriage with prenatal testing.”

Non-invasive testing is completely safe for fetuses and pregnant women, so there’s no medical reason for the lack of testing.

B. “Louis chose not to get the test done because he wanted to be a father and was invested in the pregnancy/parenting.”

Time has shown that this is not true. Louis does not have custody; there was a brief custody case in 2016 that led nowhere. He does not have a consistent or prominent role in the child’s life.

Conclusion

There is no logical reason for the lack of paternity testing prior to the announcement unless Louis knew he was not the father and all parties knew this to be true.

2. There Was No Confirmation Of A Paternity Test After The Birth

I’ll keep this section fairly short. A quick Google search returns dozens of conflicting reports. Many of them state that Louis demanded a paternity test shortly after birth. Other reports state that he has never pursued a paternity test. 

Here are a few examples:

“Louis Tomlinson not interested in paternity test” - Business Standard

“EXCLUSIVE: Louis Tomlinson Demanded a DNA Test “As Soon as the Baby Was Born”” - InTouch Weekly

“Louis Tomlinson: No DNA Test Needed ... Positive Freddie's His Son” -TMZ

“Louis Tomlinson & Briana Jungwirth: WhyHe Had DNA Test Done on His Newborn Son” - Hollywood Life

This Twitter thread discusses TMZ reports that - as of 2020 - no DNA test was done.

Conclusion

There is no reliable confirmation that Louis pursued a paternity test. The media cannot come to a general/factual consensus.

Again, there is no reasonable explanation for the lack of paternity testing unless Louis knows he is not the father of the child. 

3. The Conception-To-Birth Timeline Is Inconsistent/Unreliable

Pregnancy and conception as a whole can be rather confusing; timelines from conception to birth are unique to each person. Having said that, Briana’s timeline is full of glaring inconsistencies that don’t add up. 

I’ll begin with this timeline based on bulletprooflarry’s post and my own research. Dates I’ve added myself include linked sources:

May 5th, 2015 - Louis and Briana were first seen together in public.

May 6th to May 31st, 2015 - Briana and her mom followed baby-related social medial accounts.

May 12th, 2015 - Louis and Briana were pictured together in public.

July 3rd, 2015 - Louis is seen with Briana’s brother in Hollywood.

July 14th, 2015 - The first pregnancy report is published.

August 4th, 2015 - Louis confirms pregnancy on GMA.

January 21st, 2016 - The child is reportedly born.

Based on the dates above, these are the possible dates/milestones for her pregnancy:

Scenario A - If conception occurred on May 5th, Briana was 37 weeks and 2 days pregnant on January 21st, 2016. This is considered an early-term birth and about 26% of births occur at 37 weeks.

Scenario B - If conception occurred on May 12th, Briana was 36 weeks and 2 days pregnant on January 21st. This is considered a late-term or late premature birth and about 10% of births occur at 36 weeks.

These dates matter because Briana’s alleged hospital stay was not consistent with a premature or early-term birth. She was pictured in public - healthy and holding a baby carrier - within one week of giving birth. 

(Image Credit: Daily Mail)

(Image Credit: larrysbbrbb28)

If she gave birth based on the dates above, it’s extremely unlikely that she or the baby would be out in public so soon.

Below are screenshots of an additional timeline from an archived Tumblr post. It provides excellent points about more timeline inconsistencies: 

The main inconsistencies and red flags are bolded in the post. It supports the unreliable conception timeline, and it also mentions my next point - the official pregnancy announcement. 

The post above mentions that the Jungwirth family followed baby-related accounts before Briana could possibly know she was pregnant. Here’s one screenshot from skepticallarrie proving it:

I’ve also seen several posts that show inconsistencies with the size of Briana’s baby bump. Unfortunately, the most reliable post no longer exists. You can view a web archive of Briana’s pregnancy photos, but most of the image links are broke. 

The only post I have saved is a web archive of a long babygate post. The beginning of the post contains photos showing discrepancies in the size of Briana’s baby bump. 

The Opposing Views

“Pregnancy looks different on everybody, everyone recovers differently, etc.”

Yes, this is true and a valid point! As a woman who has gone through multiple pregnancies and two live births, I truly understand this argument. 

However, the sheer amount of inconsistencies are what make this a red flag. There are too many unreliable and contradicting points to brush this off. It goes beyond the point of “well, each person has a different experience”.

Conclusion

There are a few conclusions/scenarios I believe you can draw from the information above:

Briana was pregnant prior to meeting Louis.

Briana was never pregnant in the first place. 

Both are valid to consider, but I personally believe she was never pregnant. 

(Author’s note: My calculation for dates are based on the date of alleged conception. Most due date calculators, by default, use the date of a woman’s last mentrual period - LMP - to provide estimations.

I also used Date Duration Calendar for my calculations. Accessible due date calculators only allowed me to input dates from 2019/2020. Depending on the tools and dates you use, your mileage may vary.)

4. The Announcement Itself Was Highly Unusual

This point ties into the first and third points. I don’t consider it a major piece of evidence, but it’s noteworthy due to the other points. 

So, there are a few reasons why the Good Morning America announcement stands out. 

A. If Briana got pregnant on May 5th, then she was approximately 10 weeks pregnant when the first pregnancy report was published. This also means she was approximately 13 weeks pregnant at the time of the GMA announcement.

If Briana got pregnant on May 12th, she was approximately nine weeks pregnant at the time of the first report and approximately 12 weeks pregnant at the time of the GMA announcement.

B. The public announcement on Good Morning America raises a lot of questions. I’ve had multiple issues embedding the video; the bolded link takes you to the GMA announcement on YouTube. 

Anyways, these questions/thoughts - disregarding any Larry theories -  come to mind when watching the video: 

This is a segment for promoting/discussing their album/music.

The baby announcement is the sole non-album/music related topic that is mentioned during the segment.

The announcement is not organically worked into the segment as a natural talking point.

Louis’ reactions - such as bringing the microphone to his lips and not talking - is very unlike his standard interview demeanor.

The male interviewer and the band members have noticeable facial expressions and body language that suggest discomfort, stress, or awkwardness. 

A post by skepticalarrie draws similar conclusions. Her post is much more detailed than mine, and I highly recommend reading/viewing it. 

(Author’s Note: I’ve touched upon this on LateToLarry and will make a post here eventually, but body language and facial expressions are valid. They’re valid to the point that they are used in court cases.) 

Conclusion

My conclusions here are twofold. One is that: 

Announcing a pregnancy - especially a celebrity-related pregnancy - this early is extremely uncommon and unlikely.

The announcement itself seems out of place and very forced. 

This particular point, to me, is not extremely strong evidence. I still think it’s worth keeping in mind and is relevant to other points here. So, I’ve included it either way.

5. Briana Posted Stolen Pregnancy/Baby Photos On Social Media

(EDIT: I wrote this piece before the recent release of Briana’s alleged ultrasound and don’t have time to add it. It’s pretty strong proof and can easily be found in recent babygate posts.)

Babygate posts often point out that Briana and the Jungwirth family used stolen/fake pregnancy and baby photos on social media. It’s a well-known topic that’s often discussed. 

I’m condensing this section to a few examples. I encourage additional research if you’d like to see more. 

A. This Tumblr post shows stolen baby bump photos that Briana’s cousin Ashley posted on Twitter: 

B. This Tumblr post and Twitter post show a stolen baby photo that Briana posted on Instagram:

(Author’s Note: Since I was not active in the fandom at the time, I am relying on information from other blogs and social media posts. I vetted my sources pretty well, but any false information is my own mistake.)

Conclusions

The only word that sums this up is “suspicious”. Using stolen photos of a pregnant woman/baby is not necessary if you are legitimately pregnant. That’s really what it boils down to. It lends to the conclusion that Briana was never pregnant. 

6. Photos And Videos Of The Child Are Heavily Altered And Manipulated

It is indisputable that many photos and videos of the child are heavily manipulated to alter his appearance. This goes beyond filters, lighting, and angles. 

Several detailed posts show the manipulations; here are some examples:

A web archive of all Photoshop evidence from tellmethisisnotlove

An in-depth post from genuineconspiracy that includes detailed photo evidence.

A video post from freefreddiereign that shows Photoshop evidence based on photos the child. 

There is no doubt that his facial features are frequently altered. This is easy to conclude using any free software that detects Photoshop. As a photographer myself, I can easily spot the manipulations.

(Author’s Note: I know that directly discussing the child is controversial. When I first heard of babygate, my initial reaction was discomfort about analyzing a child.

I quickly learned/concluded that his family members are responsible for heavily putting him in the public eye. All content I’ve used for research is based on the family’s posts.

Still, I have personally chosen not post pictures of the child, but the links I am sharing contain photos/videos of him.

Additionally, I used FotoForensics on photos of myself prior to writing this. It was important to me to feel absolutely certain about this point. I’m fine with sharing my own FotoForensics images if anyone is curious.)

The Opposing Views

A. “Freddie looks like Louis in pictures that aren’t Photoshopped.”

Parentage cannot be based on whether or not a child looks like his mother/father. I understand the viewpoint, but it’s simply not evidence. Additionally, thinking the child looks like Louis is a matter of opinion. 

There’s also the fact that appearance means nothing overall. Science backs up this statement very well. Examples and references:

“How can children from the same parents look so different?” by HowStuffWorks

“My Baby Looks Nothing Like Me: A Genetic Explanation” by FamilyEducation

Additionally, here is a personal anecdote. I have two sons close to Freddie’s age. One of them looks exactly like his father and nothing like me. The other looks exactly like me and nothing like his father. Despite how they look, they are both of them are our biological children. 

Conclusion

There is no reasonable explanation for altering the child’s appearance - particularly to make him look more similar to Louis. 

I cannot think of a single argument as to why the Jungwirth family would do this unless they need/want the child to look a specific way. 

7. Johannah Deakin’s Official Obituary Does Not Mention The Child

When looking into babygate, I read the argument that the child is legitimately Louis’ son because he is listed as her grandchild in Internet-based obituaries and announcements. 

I also read the counter-argument that Louis’ mother’s official newspaper/print obituary does not mention the child.  I recall seeing proof, but I did not save it at the time. I did some research and this appears to be true. 

The Doncaster Free Press is a local weekly newspaper in Doncaster, and it published an article about the funeral. The article is NOT an obituary itself, but it does list her obituary details. The publication does not list the child among the surviving family members. 

If a mistake is made regarding these details, it’s typical for newspapers to post a correction addressing a misprint. Upon further research, the Doncaster Free Press did not issue a correction at any time. 

(Author’s Note: I lost my own mother and am personally familiar with how local obituaries are written. Immediate family members - i.e. spouses and adult children - provide information regarding surviving family members.) 

Conclusion

The conclusion here is straightforward. Louis and his family chose not to include the child in his mother’s official obituary. This strongly suggests that he is not legitimately related to Louis. 

My Opinion-Based Conclusions

Update: After some consideration, I am saving my opinion-based conclusions for a separate post. I originally intended to include them here; transparency is important to me.

Unfortunately, the section became rather long and took away from the main post points. So, I’ll be working on a post that’s just my opinion-based conclusions. In the meantime, feel free to message me with any questions. 

Final Thoughts

If you’ve made it this far, thank you for taking the time to read my post! I appreciate the interest expressed for it, and I hope it lives up to expectations. 

Again, I want to reiterate this is:

Not an all-inclusive post; I narrowed down my findings to seven points.

Not a masterpost on babygate.

Purposely omitting any potential Larry-related points to remove bias. 

I’ve reread this quite a few times, and it’s as error-free as possible. If you spot any mistakes/errors, I’m completely open to making corrections. Just kindly let me know. 

This list contains references/research about babygate that I consider the most reliable. It includes Larry and non-Larry related Babygate content.

Tumblr posts tagged with babygate by Tumblr use genuineconspiracy.

A web archive of babygate posts by Tumblr user tellmethisisnotlove (her account was deactivated by staff).

Tumblr posts tagged with babygate by darkrainbowlouis.

Tumblr posts tagged with babygate by skepticalarrie.

Lastly, if there’s interest in an opinion-related post or Larry-related post, I’ll consider writing them. Feel free to let me know as you all did with this post. 

Thanks!

Amy (obviouslygenuinely/latetolarry)

[synesindri]

Survey Writing Guide: Fandom Edition

Sooo! People are collecting survey data on fandom! Makes sense — fandom is an interesting population to study, and getting data on attitudes/behaviors/etc is a great way to try to find out the truth about popular points of contention about media. To get unbiased, meaningful data, though, you’ll want to make sure your survey is in good shape. This is a guide to try to help you do that.

I am assuming, if you are reading this, that you want your survey to be unbiased and interpretable, sampling from as many viewpoints as possible and getting data on opinions you might agree and disagree with. In other words, I am assuming that you want to do your fandom research in good faith. If that is not why you are making a fandom survey, then you can ignore this whole post. I would ask you to reconsider running a bad-faith fandom survey, but I can’t stop you. But just know that my assumption is that you’re out here in the honest pursuit of truth.

I’m not accusing a survey of being done in bad faith if it doesn’t follow my suggestions. I also realize most people are conducting these surveys in their spare time because they’re passionate & curious, not for the purpose of serious publication or whatever. I’m not telling you that you have to follow all or even any of the advice here. Do what you feel good about doing. Fandom should be fun! 

This guide is only about surveys themselves, and will not help you get a good sample of your fandom. In other words, none of this advice will make sure your survey reaches obscure corners of your fandom, insular communities you aren’t in, or casual fans. A good survey is important, but it’s only one part of getting accurate data, and participation recruitment is a whole other thing. 

This is also only intended to help with survey setup, not analysis or results reporting. You can write a great, unbiased, easy to understand survey, and still present your results in a way that is biased/doesn’t include good information/is hard to understand. Furthermore, once your results are public, they’re out of your hands: you might be well-meaning, but please keep in mind that some people might use your data to make unfair or incorrect assumptions about others, support biased arguments, or generally behave unpleasantly. That’s just part of survey work; don’t let it stop you, but don’t be surprised if/when it happens.

Now, onto the survey tips ~

Think about how to structure your questions

Use multiple choice answers/avoid free response answers as much as possible. This is going to be really helpful for you when it’s time to analyze your data: it’s so much easier to analyze responses that are just clicks of a box than responses that require you to read someone’s long explanation of an opinion and try to figure out what they mean. It also makes answering easier on your participants: clicking a box is a lot easier for them than writing out what they think. Giving an option for them to expand on their answer in a free response text box is great, but try to capture as many possible responses as you can in multiple choice questions.

Consider: should participants be able to give more than one response per question? A good rule of thumb for this is if different responses to a question are mutually exclusive or not: if they are mutually exclusive, only give people the option of clicking one box; if they’re not, let them choose as many as they want. For example, if you want to know somebody’s ONE favorite season of a show, only let them choose one season. If you want to know ALL the seasons they like, give them the option to choose multiple.

Only include one question per question 

A LOT of surveys ask questions that are actually several questions in one, and that makes answering them difficult! For example, you might THINK you’re only asking one thing if you say “Are you introverted or shy?” as a yes/no question, but that is actually two questions: some people are introverted but not shy; some people are shy but not introverted; some people are both introverted and shy, and some people are neither. People who respond “yes” might mean they are one or the other or both, and people who respond “no” might mean they are one or the other or neither — and you’ll have no way of knowing, because your question was too ambiguous.

If you’re asking a question about a nuanced topic, make sure your question and possible responses are nuanced too

People in fandom have a lot of complex views, and giving them only a black-and-white way to tell you about those views means you will miss out on nuance and get inaccurate results. If you are wondering about opinions on a controversial pairing, asking “Do you think it’s okay to ship Reylo?” (for example) and only letting people respond yes or no is not going to capture the range of opinions that exist on Reylo. If you can include multiple answer boxes for people to click, do that! 

Analyzing free response data (where people can write their own answer) is hard on you, as the survey writer, and people might not feel like explaining their opinions. Definitely include a free response box if you want, but also provide a lot of options for responses. 

The more controversial the topic you’re asking about, the more nuance you should let your participants give in their responses. People in fandom often have very strong and very complex opinions about certain issues; you’ll want to make sure not to flatten those opinions too much, while still keeping them simple enough to analyze. Asking “do you enjoy reading fluff?” is (probably) not going to be too complicated, and you’ll likely be fine giving people 2-3 response options (yes/always, sometimes, no/never). But you should give a lot more response options if you’re asking “is it ever acceptable to ship two siblings together?”: some people will be fine with “yes, always” or “no, never,” but a LOT of people are going to want to specify conditions like “only if they are not blood relatives” or “only if it is framed as being bad” or “it’s acceptable sometimes but I personally avoid it,” etc. Make sure people without clear-cut opinions have the ability to give you their opinions too.

Use simple, clear language

Use language that is as simple and precise as possible. Keep questions short when you can. Avoid using a lot of slang and regional idioms: people come from all over the place in fandom, and might not know what you mean. People also have a lot of different reading levels: you want to make sure most of your participants can understand what you’re asking them. 

There are some terms you can assume everyone in your sample will know, and some that you can’t: it’s up to you to figure out which terms are which. For example, most people in tumblr fandom space will understand what a ship is. They might not know what “IC” means though, so you might need to write it out as “in character.” Further, pretty much everyone in the MCU fandom might know what “Stucky” is, but not as many will know what “Coulwhip” is. You can make these kinds of technical terms easier for people to understand by just writing out all abbreviations and writing all pairings in the Name/Name format.

Use neutral language and keep your personal opinions out of it

Avoid inserting your own opinions into your survey, even if you expect that almost everyone participating will agree with you. Even “obvious” jokes won’t read as jokes to everyone; you might upset/offend/put off some group of participants disproportionately such that they won’t complete the survey, and you’ll miss a chunk of data you want. This is a problem, because say, for example, you really want to know if people’s favorite Supernatural ship has any correlation to fans’ personality traits — but if you poked fun at Dean somewhere else in your survey in a way that made Dean fans click off the page, then you’re going to lose a lot of Dean fan data that it would have been really useful for you to have, since Dean is a very popular character to ship with a lot of other characters. 

A good-faith survey is also not the place to moralize. Fandom can be a very polarized place; you are not going to be able to predict which things you ask about are going to be morally objectionable to your participants, and if they’re going to agree with your moral judgments. Your results might surprise you! A survey where you hope to get accurate data is not the place to defend a problematic character you like or to call some group of shippers gross. Your best bet for not causing issues is to include stuff that’s controversial and to be as neutral about it as possible — for example, if you are asking about ships people like, include every reasonably popular ship (potentially excluding rarepairs/extreme rarepairs just because it’s hard to include all of those), even the ones you hate/think are harmful/whatever, and don’t comment on the goodness or badness of any of them. 

Avoid “leading” questions to avoid bias

If you say, “Do you love this awesome TV show?” that’s going to be awkward to respond to for everyone whose answer is anything other than “yes.” Something like “What is your opinion of this TV show?” (with responses like: I love it, I like it, I have mixed feelings about it, I am neutral toward it, I dislike it, and I hate it) will give you a better sense of people’s genuine thoughts.

Select your multiple choice options thoughtfully

Be as egalitarian as possible in the options you provide to your fandom-specific questions that aren’t free response. If you leave out a major character on a list of favorite characters, for example, your participants are going to wonder why you did that — and you might not get data about that character, especially if you don’t include a free response option. 

Avoid bias in your multiple choice answer options

If you ask people for their favorite and least favorite [something], make sure the list of [something] options for both of those questions is identical. For example, if you’re asking about people’s most liked and most disliked ships, make sure the list of ships you include for both questions is the same. Including Sylvie/Loki only on the “ship you most dislike” but not the “ship you most like” list might seem like a reasonable move to you if you don’t know anybody who (openly) likes Sylvie/Loki, but doing that will bias responses and make your data inaccurate. Some people will stop filling out the survey, some people who like Sylkie just won’t want to bother filling in the blank, some people might forget that they like Sylkie unless it’s right in front of their eyes as one of the response options, some people will feel judged and so they won’t answer your survey honestly, etc. 

Follow common best practices advice for demographic information

Collecting information on respondents’ ages, genders, race/ethnicity, employment status, education history, etc is, luckily, very common, so there are a lot of standard questions about those things. I’ll just go ahead and list what I sometimes collect in my own surveys:

Age: for anonymous fandom surveys, I suggest using age groups (under 13, 13-18, 19-25, 26-35, etc) instead of asking people for their precise ages. Just make sure to include all possible age brackets. For example, don’t assume everyone in fandom is under 50.

Gender: unless you want a lot of nuance in your responses, it’s typically enough to include a list like: man/boy or male, woman/girl or female, nonbinary, genderfluid or bigender, and other. If you are interested in trans people specifically, I suggest asking that in a separate question (like: “Do you identify as transgender?”), rather than including binary trans identities in addition to binary cis identities in the same question. The exception to this is if you are including a very long list of gender options.

Race/ethnicity: (disclaimer that most of the data I collect comes from the US, so my best practices are most suited to that population. I welcome any feedback about the best way to ask about this for an international and/or non-US population.) I typically ask something like: “Which category best describes you?” and then give the options: American Indian or Native Alaskan, Asian, Black, Hispanic or Latinx, Middle Eastern or North African, Pacific Islander or Native Hawaiian, White, and other. Ideally, this list should allow multiple responses, so that multiracial/multiethnic people can give accurate reports.

Employment status: “What is your employment status?” with responses: employed full time, employed part-time, unemployed and looking for work, unemployed and not looking for work, self-employed, homemaker, student, and retired. If possible, let this be multiple choice, so that, for example, people who are students AND work can select both applicable options.

Education level: “What is your highest level of education?” with responses: some high school, high school diploma or equivalent, some college, college degree, some graduate education, Master’s degree, Doctorate degree, professional degree (e.g. M.D., J.D., M.Div, etc) 

Sexual orientation: like with gender, you probably don’t need to provide a long, comprehensive list unless your survey is about sexual orientation specifically. Something like the following is probably enough to cover most of your respondents: “What is your sexual orientation?” with responses: straight/heterosexual, gay/lesbian/homosexual, bisexual, pansexual, asexual, and other. 

Other questions: just try to make sure you are providing response options that will cover the majority of your participants, and include an “other” option if you’re not sure you’ve covered everything. There are a fair number of basic best practices documents for common demographics questions that you can find through Google, so if you’re not sure how to ask something, give it a quick search. You can also ask people you know who might know more about some specific demographic quality than you do to weigh in!

That’s it for now! I hope you find this helpful, either in writing your own surveys, or in evaluating surveys you are participating in!

[citizensofeggtonarchived]

"Yeah, I guess you aren't getting an unbiased view from the way I'm talking about my world." Poppy could only offer her own experiences from what she went through in her world, though it didn't paint it in a very good view. "I will admit there are some who truly try to make the standard of living for opossum's better, though it's hard to turn gears when the royal's don't bother with folks like us too much and even the few that do tend to get a bunch of complaints for it." That was about all she could think about in terms of other's trying to help opossum's as it was a slim group. "Kinda wished I kept track of that better so I could give you names, though I never did like getting my hopes up." That sounded bleak saying it out loud, though that was in the past.

"Say, if you happen to visit Trace and come across a guy that calls himself Trace's Star you think you can give him a good scare, maybe smack him around a bit too. I never got the chance seeing as the dead beat bolted as soon as he found out I was pregnant." Poppy was sure this could be seen as petty, though she believed he deserved to be roughed up a bit for that stunt. "It's cool if you don't want to, just asking if you happen to stop by there." The opossum didn't expect Blaze to do anything let alone go out of her way for it, though a gal can dream.

"Hey, don't go trying to put me in the grave early. You can't expect an old lady like me to keep up with a youngster," Poppy said, chuckling a little bit at her own joke, even if she could be considered old by opossum standards. "I think I'll start off on my own, kinda get a good gauge for my limits, ya know? I'll make sure to remember your friend in case I ever want to step it up." The opossum was sure Blaze's friend was nice and would take it easy on her, though best to start off solo at first. "Maybe you could even join me if you're ever free." She wasn't sure how often the princess was busy, though hoped that she did get some free time to herself every now and then.

"Oh, geez, I've only dreamed about getting a tutor for Lily." Poppy had considered it in the past, though always being short on cash made that option hard, not to mention how often she had to move. "Even if it ends up for being a little bit I have a feeling she'll end up learning a lot of stuff in a short amount of time." The opossum had seen Lily pick things up rather easily and the few schools she was in the teachers would mention how she always got A's right before accusing her of cheating much to her annoyance. "I don't think I can ever thank you enough for all this." She was starting to feel like a hassle by this point, though would keep that thought to herself.

"I can't say I like the idea very much either and I'm sure Lily wouldn't much care for the thought as well. I'll just have to do my best to make sure I leave a good impression on your mom or at the very least hope she can put up with a stubborn opossum for seven years." Poppy was sure seven years to a deity was nothing compared to having an immortal life. "Oh, I'm not gonna come up with any sort of speech or plan for talking to your mom. If there's one thing I'm sure mortals and deity's share in common is that they simply want the truth. I'm just gonna go in, give my reasons for wanting to stay here, and leave it at that." Could that be too straight forward for a Goddess? Maybe, though that was the only way she knew.

"Right, gotta make sure the damage on her eye isn't too bad." Poppy was hopeful it wasn't too bad, though could only wait to hear from a professional. "I know I already said this, though thank you. I'm sure your mom is proud of the woman and the lead you've become."

She smiled at the notion of her mother showing up in some grand display. But knew it was not her way to intervene in mortal affairs in any direct fashion. She preferred to be distant, aloof, and only intercede when she absolutely had to. Plus she doubted her mother could leave Sol without dire consequences. So ingrained was she into Sol that her leaving would have catastrophic side effects. Though none of that was something she was willing to speak on, especially not to someone she had only just met.

" I doubt Mother would trouble herself with the affairs of other realms. She is more concerned with this world, and keeping it safe from harm... her interactions are as a gentle guiding hand of a loving mother. She keeps her interactions minimal or has been known to disguise herself rather then being to overt "

She tried to explain but it wasn't an easy explanation. Without going into deep detail but perhaps it was enough to satisfy the Opossum. She would have to check into Poppys world eventually, she figured it would be best to do so undercover.

" I think if It best if i do go to your world, i do so carefully. Perhaps i'll speak with and meet the citizenry before engaging with these nobles. If what you speak about how they treat your kind is true, i should like to get a broad view of those who rule it first... it may not be worth my time to engage them at all. Nor is it my place to interfere... still that is for later, for now let us focus on the here and now shall we "

She said with a warmer smile, not one to dwell on things she couldn't yet predict or change. Her focus on Poppy and her excitement at trying out to be a Royal Guard. She knew it might be much harder for her then she realized. But something told her Poppy would give it 110%, and well she'd be happy to help in what ways she could. her fingers covering her lips as she gave a soft chuckle of amusement.

" Well if you'd like i could ask Miss Tangle to give you a hand, in her own world she's a young spirited hero. Or desires to be... I hear she's always training her body, and mind. I imagine she would love company in her morning routine "

School was important, and blaze wouldn't let Poppy's little girl go long without some form of education. She was sure Gardon could fill in as a makeshift teacher till they got an answer from Blaze's mother. She would be remiss to allow such a bright child's future to go down the drain because of this incident. Plus she would lie if she didn't already feel a little attached to her. She was bad about that, she always had a soft spot for children.

" Do not worry Poppy... i'll see young Lilly gets a tutor until, such time that mother makes a decision. I wouldn't want to see her potential squandered... She seems to be a bright young girl with a brighter future i think. "

Talk about a bombshell she wasn't ready to hear, only 30 years? it seems such a short time to live. How she despised her own immortality, to live forever yet watch others perish around her. It never got easier.

" I will find another solution Poppy... i admire your courage, but i do not desire to make Lilly live through that. But should there be no other options... i shall consider your request. "

She disliked the idea itself she would find another way should it come to it.

" One moment Poppy... I will do what i can to insure you and Lilly can find a home here. But much of this will be up to you to convince mother of your plight and need to remain. You should consider carefully what you will say to her... your chances to stay may hinge on it "

She placed a hand on the others shoulder and offered her as warm a smile as she could muster considering the conversation. If she could make the twos short lives better, Blaze would find a way to do so.

" Let's head back... and i'll see the Royal Physician is sent to check on Lillys Eye... and see what we can do for her. "

[mrs-gucci]

I’m going to try come up with other ideas lol but these jumped out at me. I would absolutely use these for something! I’m saving them too because I just might!

But if you feel like it, these combined scenarios could be really fun for a sarcastic, grouchy ass Flip or Kylo AU. It could be anything from enemies to antagonists to the guy being in trouble with you currently from doing stupid shit and trying to make up with you! Anything you think!

your enemy has been badly wounded, and somebody needs to bandage them up, so you agree to help them, and suddenly they're shirtless, and you can't help but admire their body, something this cheeky motherfucker takes notice of

there's only one bed, but this time, they're arguing over who should sleep on the floor, which nobody agrees to, so instead they end up sharing, incredibly annoyed over having to share their space (it’s not like friends to lovers, in which they both awkwardly get into bed. this is straight up just. i will set this bed on fire if you don’t stay on your side)

The Longest Knight {Sir Kylo Ren x Reader}

author's notes: hello, hello! shannon, dear, you always seem to know what I'm in need of when you send requests in. I've been dying for an excuse to write some medieval/knight Kylo, and this fits in perfectly with that AU, so thank you! <3

**THERE ARE SOME DARK(ER) THEMES IN THIS STORY, BUT ONLY AT THE VERY BEGINNING (there’s an indicator of when the dark content ends, in bold, you can’t miss it). PLEASE READ THE WARNINGS AND TW’S BEFORE PROCEEDING!**

warnings: some angst. some gore. some fluff. smut. enemies-with-benefits. sex w/o feelings. kylo is a huge douche (but in, like, a lowkey sexy way). 

tw's: (at the very beginning): dead bodies & blood, vivid depictions of wounds/injuries, brief depictions of battle, implied (battle-related) murder. mentions of sex work (later on in the story, not relating to the reader character).

word count: 4.4k

terms to know: loincloth: groin-covering cloth tied around the waist (literally just underwear). bedswerver: “adulterer” (an insult). mamillare: medieval breast band (bra).

When the sounds of marching footfall, deep cries of manly battle, and shod hooves pounding on the drought-hardened ground had ceased from the air, you saddle your horse and ride out to the far field of your property. 

The putrid smell of rotting flesh hits you before any bodies are even in view. Your prized stallion slows his trot, nostrils flaring and ears perked forward as the scene of battle presents itself to both of you.

He begins to snort and whinny in acute panic at the sight of so many corpses, both human and horse. Your stomach begins to churn, and you can barely bring yourself to look upon the scene as your heel encourages him onward, wanting to make sure there aren’t any surviving soldiers. 

Both sides seem to have suffered great loss, although you’re unsure which corpses belong to which side. The conflict betwixt Alderaan and Naboo has been dragging on much too long, and at the end of the day, is any conflict truly worth all of the lives lost?

You certainly didn’t think so, but perhaps you’re just too close to this war, incapable of having an unbiased opinion due to the loss of your beloved husband at the hands of Sir Kylo Ren, the Alderaanean calvary general and the most feared man across all five kingdoms. 

As you make your rounds to check for survivors, much to the dismay of your steed, you quickly lose almost all hope that anyone laid here ended up surviving the brutality apparently brought down upon them during the fight. 

Suddenly, your horse lifts himself up on hinds legs ever so slightly, jogging in place as a barely-audible groan comes from one of the men. His hand moves ever so slightly, and you quickly rush over to him, dismounting with a small first aid bag.

His helmet is that of a high-ranking official, but on which side he belongs, it’s too hard to tell. Not that it truly matters, you’d take just about any man with the courage to fight these battles.

“Sir?” You say, kneeling down beside the large man. “Do you remember what happened to you?”

He grunts lowly, winter-chapped lips opening in an attempt to speak. “S-Stomach.”

Once your mind registers his husky words, you look down at his abdomen and see that his armor seems to have been compromised in a spot right on the side of his stomach. Fresh blood seeps from the deep wound, and you cringe, grabbing one of the towels from your pack to gently wipe away some of the blood, but the tear in flesh is so deep, it’s impossible to do with just one towel. **dark content warnings ENDS**

“My estate is just a short ride from here. I cannot hold your weight myself, but if you can mount my horse, I will take you back and mend your wounds to the best of my ability.”

The mask nods softly, slowly but surely lifting himself up off the ground, wobbling towards your horse, who snorts nervously. He seemingly understands the severity of the situation, though, and stands still as the knight sits himself on his back. 

From there, he lays back, breath catching in his throat as his injuries are tweaked with each of the horses’ strides. You hold onto the reins, leading your stallion back to the house. 

After quite a bit of maneuvering and a lot of quarreling with the injured knight, you finally manage to set him up the cot in your spare bedroom. He sits down on the chair as you do so, mumbling and grumbling about his pain. You found it quite annoying, really, but you can’t really blame him for acting in such a way.

“You’ll need to remove your armor, sir. I cannot treat your wounds with it on.”

“By God’s bones.” He curses under his breath in annoyance, but stands and removes his body armor nonetheless.

Piece by piece is peeled from his body, his physically intimidating figure revealed slowly to your curious eyes. Only his under-layers were left, soon enough, and you found it a bit odd that he hadn’t taken his helmet off first. You would think that would be a great relief to have the proper air exposure on your face, but you’re not really in a place to make assumptions about that sort of thing.

His brilliantly alabaster skin is severely bloodied, bruised, and badly butchered. He would require quite some time to heal and recover, but if you learned anything from being married to an army man, it’s that they’re all stubborn bastards who never take the proper time to allow time for their bodies to properly heal.

He’s soon fully exposed to you, minus his helmet and threadbare loincloth, and you have to look away quickly as your cheeks heat up. The small garment left very little to the imagination, and this knight was...well endowed, to put it kindly.

Putting your own personal feelings aside for the betterment of the patient, you look back up at him with a small smile. “You may remove your helmet now, good sir.”

“I cannot reach up to grab it from my head.” He says in a flat, unamused voice.

“Of course.” You scold yourself for not thinking of that. “Well, if you lay down on the cot, I shall remove it for you.”

Instead of protest, which is what you expected, he complied with your instructions and laid down on the cot. He grunts satisfyingly at the comfort of a mattress, most likely used to sleeping on the ground.

When you reach for the bottoms of his helmet to pull it off, he suddenly snatches your wrist, stopping you instantly.

“If you need touch me, ask before doing so.” His voice is nothing more than a growl.

You almost roll your eyes, starting to truly become annoyed with this knight. You invited him into your home and you’re willing to be his bedside nurse...and he has the audacity to request something like this.

Again you’re forced to put your personal feelings aside for the sake of your patient and for the maintenance of your bedside manner, forcing a smile onto your face. “With all due respect, sir, I’m your nurse for the time being. I will be needing to touch you quite often. Am I really expected to ask each and every time?”

“Yes.” He replies.

Your jaw clenches and you wish nothing more in this moment than to smack this man right across the face.

“Fine. May I please remove your helmet?”

Sparing you the assurance of a vocal reply, the mask simply nods, and you pull it over his head. When the face of your patient is revealed to your eyes, you’re appalled.

It’s Sir Kylo Ren...the man that murdered your husband.

You drop the helmet onto the ground, metal clattering as it rocks back and forth once it’s settled in one spot on the hardwood. This can’t be real.

He snarls. “Why are you looking upon me with that expression? Have you never seen a man before? I have wounds that need tended to, girl, and I’d like to be out of here before sundown.”

Anger begins to boil your blood, tears burning in your eyes as you look down at the man before you.

“You bastard.” Your hand raises, ready to strike him clean against the cheek. He catches your fist in his hand before you can, though.

“I wouldn’t, if I were you.” Kylo warns, squeezing your fist. “I’ll have to have you beheaded for hitting an army man, and your head is much too pretty to be put to such waste.”

You snort, yanking yourself from his grip, teeth gritting as you walk out to fetch all the medical supplies. He’s wearing a cocky expression when you walk back in.

“I recognize you.” He says.

You huff, unamused. “How could you possibly recognize me? We’ve never met.”

His lips curl up into a devious smirk. “You’re right, we haven’t met before, but I recognize you from your husband’s description. I asked him what you looked like, since he was babbling on and on about you.”

You freeze up, bottom lip beginning to quiver as Sir Kylo continues.

“Then I drove my blade straight through his pathetic chest, and later that night, I touched myself as I thought of you.”

He chuckles deviously.

“Bedswerver!” You yell, cocking your fists once more and lunging at him, ready to strike once more. But then, you stop yourself, knowing the consequences you’d surely face should you actually hit him. 

Your fists lower and you simply say nothing, preparing the cloths in the warm water. The tears run down your cheeks on their own volition, but you quickly wipe them away before turning back towards him. 

“He wasn’t worthy of your company, Y/N.” Kylo says as you begin to clean the wounds on his stomach. “And he clearly didn’t satisfy you in the way you needed, considering the manner in which you looked over my body when I took my armor off.”

His hand reaches around and squeezes your ass, making you jump. 

“How long has it been, little lamb? A young woman like you shouldn’t have to live without a man to satisfy her aching need.”

You can’t pretend that you’re not aroused by his words, by his touch. But you’d never let him have you, not in a thousand years. So, you quickly swat his hand away and continue cleaning his wounds. “That’s none of your concern, Sir Kylo. I am perfectly content without a man and that’s all I’m going to say on the matter.”

He laughs. “That’s a lie if I’ve ever heard one. I bet you’re aching right now, just from my words and my simple touch.”

Before he can touch you further, you back away, limbs trembling with anger and frustration. You dunk the bloody rag back into the bowl of water, ring it out a bit, then throw it onto his chest.

“Clean the wounds yourself, since you can obviously move your hands and arms perfectly fine.” You say, wiping your own on a dry cloth. “I’ll be back to bandage you in a bit.”

“Don’t think of me too much, lamb. You’ll release too quickly.” He snickers as you slam the door shut behind you, bursting into tears the moment you step foot into your bedroom.

You sob quietly, the freshly-healed stitches of your heart popping open one at a time, the grief and pain of losing your beloved consuming you once more. 

And now you’re here, mending his killer.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It takes everything you have, every ounce of willpower, to wake up and face Sir Kylo every single day. You know you’re doing the right thing by helping him, but that doesn’t make dealing with him any easier.

He’s impossibly stubborn, arrogant beyond comprehension, and increasingly grumpy. But, you just have to keep going, keep pushing through, reminding yourself that each day brings you closer and closer to his inevitable departure.

You’ve all but blocked out his inappropriate and antagonizing comments or remarks, just getting his bandages replaced and then leaving the room as quickly as possible.

Today, though, he’s achieved a new level of jackassery, a thing you thought impossible until he did it. And boy, did he do it.

“I’ve made arrangements for a few whores to come and provide me some...company.”

Your fist tightens around the bandage in your hand. He smirks.

“You’re more than welcome to join us. There’s plenty of me to go around, little lamb. You’ll get your turn.”

“No, thanks. I think I’d rather stab myself with a sword.” You reply, beginning to switch out his bandages. “You’re lucky I’m even allowing it to occur in my house.”

He just chuckles. “You’d probably be bad, anyway.”

You suddenly rip the bandage off of his skin, causing him to cry out in pain. He looks at you, and you glare down at him. “Just...can you please just stop talking for once in your life? Must you always berate me when all I’ve done over the past few weeks is take care of you? Is this what kindness, genuine kindness, gets me?”

He suddenly seems to sober up, to let what he’s done to you sink in. It doesn’t last long, but you still see it. Perhaps he does have the capability to feel at least some sense of remorse.

Kylo stays quiet for the rest of the time you tend to his wounds, and when you turn to leave, the two words you’ve been convinced are not in his vocabulary, come from the behind you.

“Thank you.”

This sliver of empathy is short lived, especially after the girls from the local brothel make their way up to his room. 

“Oh! Oh! Sir Kylo!”

You shake your head, attempting to read in the study, which is located on the other side of house from the guest bedroom. Yet, their screams, cries and the various other lewd noises still manage to make their way to your ears.

“Ah! Ah! Ah!” “Take it, whore, take it!” “Kyloooooooo!”

The temptation to go up there and kick the girls out is increasing by the second, but you don’t. Maybe this will help mellow him out a bit, make him more manageable.  Plus, you’re pretty sure that you’d have to carve your eyes out after walking in on whatever they’re doing up behind that closed door.

Unfortunately for you, it becomes progressively more difficult to focus on your book as the burn between your thighs intensifies. It’s been almost two years since your husband was murdered, which means that it’s been a little over that since you were last intimate with someone.

Normally, and up until Sir Kylo entered your household, you were more than fine subduing your sexual desires. You haven’t once touched yourself, not that you’d really know how to anyway, and you certainly weren’t about to start now.

You cross your legs, hoping that’ll quell some of the burning, but it only makes it worse. Another half an hour passes and your hand now rests on your thigh, slowly inching down towards your soaked and quivering pussy.

Just a quick touch won’t hurt...he doesn’t have to know...

Luckily, a knock at the door brings your motions to a stop. You sigh in relief, walking over to open the door. When you do, you’re met with a bandaged bare torso, a very muscular bare torso. His skin glistens with sweat and the smell of sex radiates from his essence. 

He’s still breathing heavily as he stands in the doorway, looking down at you.

“We’re finished upstairs.” He says breathily. “I’m due for my afternoon bandage change, whenever you’re ready.”

You watch him saunter away, admiring the way his muscles stretch and tense with each stride. You’re burning up by now, both your skin and your arousal, and you wonder how you’re going to get through this next bandage change. 

When you enter the room, the musk of sex is thick in the air, humidity at a suffocating level. You try to ignore it, try not to let it get to you, but it’s just surrounding you. 

Your skin begins to glisten, brow furrowed as you focus on trying to change these bandages as quickly as possible. Kylo seems to take notice of your hurry, your sudden perspiring.

“Is something wrong?” He asks you, biting back a smirk. “You seem flustered.”

Nodding, you continue on with the bandaging.  “I’m fine, just a bit warm is all.”

Kylo hums, reaching down to grab your wrist as you reach up to re-bandage the wound on his chest. He brings your fingers up to his lips, sucking the tips into his mouth gently, tongue swiping over the pads of your digits.

You try to pull away, to leave before you do something you regret, but his hold on you is firm. And if you’re honest with yourself, you don’t actually want him to stop.

Oh lord, this is bad. It’s so wrong. You shouldn’t want this. He murdered your husband, the man you loved. He’s so smug and cocky and yet...it’s what you’ve been wanting this whole time, the thing you’ve tried to suppress, to not let yourself want.

But now, everything else be damned, you want this. You need this. And damnit, you’re gonna have it.

His lips release your fingertips with a lewd pop! sound, an arrogant smirk tugging at the corners of his mouth. “You haven’t tried to pull away or tell me off in a minute or two. Is everything alright?”

You huff. “Just do it.”

He raises his eyebrows, sitting up a little. “Do what? What do you want me to do, little lamb?”

“You know what I want.”

“Oh yes, I’m fully aware of what you want.” He smirks. “But I want to hear you say it out loud.”

You cross your arms on your chest, trying to ignore the twang of guilt that shoots through you as you prepare to say the words aloud.

“Fine. I want you to f-fuck me.”

“That’s right. I knew you wanted it.” Kylo takes your hand and trails it down his muscular abdomen, stopping just above where his loincloth sits on his hips.

“Take it off.”

You’re chewing your lip numb as you reach down and undo the tie holding the garment on. Your breath hitches as you slide it off, exposing his member, which is hardening steadily.

“Instead of staring, perhaps you’d like to try touching it?” He smirks.

You shoot him a glare. “Stop talking, for once in your life, please spare my ears the sound of your constant squabble.”

Kylo chuckles, putting his hands behind his head.

Your hand wraps around the base of his length, and he grunts softly. It’s your turn to wear a smirk.

“Oh, do you like that, Sir Kylo?”

He huffs. “Every man likes their cock being touched. Don’t go thinking that it means anything.”

You squeeze his shaft, drawing a deep grunt from his lips and small buck of his hips. He looks away, jaw clenched in an attempt to prevent any further noises. 

This fact only makes you more determined, hand pumping his cock with more vigor, alternating between different paces and pressures to really drive him crazy.

You’re thoroughly enjoying this, drinking in the sight of him trying his absolute hardest not to react to the touches that so obviously arouse him. You tease him even more, using your fingers to touch certain parts of his length. 

Well, it’s fun for the few minutes it lasts, but suddenly, you find yourself in his position, laid back on the cot. He’s on top of you, now, pushing the skirts of your dress up, fingers yanking the laces on your bodice.

He quickly pulls it off, followed by your skirts, leaving you in only your mamillare and your loincloth. His eyes roam your newly exposed skin for a moment before his hand slips down between your thighs, fingers pressing up against the fabric.

“I knew it. Were you listening, little lamb? Were you listening to me fuck those whores and wishing it was you?”

Your breath hitches. “Well, it was sort of hard not to listen when the girls were screaming.”

His fingers wrap around the waist tie, pulling them down to fully expose your wet heat. He smirks, rubbing around until he finds that one spot that has your back arching and a gasp escaping your lips.

Before he can even say anything, you reiterate his words in a mocking tone. “Every woman likes being touched there. Don’t go thinking that it means anything.”

He huffs, rubbing you harder.

“Tell me how wet you got when you heard me fucking those whores. Tell me that you wanted a turn on my cock, wondered how good I’d feel inside you.”

“N-No.” You say, a stern expression on your face. “I’ll never say that to you.”

His jaw clenches as he bends down, lips next to your ear. “You'll be screaming it once I’m done with you.”

Your eyes widen when his fingers slowly press up into your entrance. 

“Kylo...” You’ve never been touched in this way before. It’s...different, and not necessarily unpleasant.

He sees your hesitation. “Trust me, you’ll like it.”

And you did.

His digits begin moving in and out of you, curling up occasionally to stimulate a certain tender spot inside you. You’re biting down on your lip, surely hard enough to break the skin, trying your darndest not to give him the privilege of hearing your noises.

As you did to him, seeing you suppress your noises only spurs him on more, movements becoming quicker, swifter. Your orgasm draws closer with each skilled stroke, but just before you reach your peak, he pulls out.

You thought you wanted to hit him before; now, you kind of want to pop some of his abdomen stitches. 

“Why did you do that?”

He laughs devilishly, reaching down to pump his cock, slicking it with the juices of your arousal. “You didn’t think I’d actually let you get off that easily, did you?”

“Well, I was sort of hoping...”

You’re brought to silence when he crawls on top of you, trapping you beneath his massive form. His mushroom head swirls around your entrance, collecting some of your slick before pressing it inside of you.

It’s been quite a while since you’ve had anyone, and you don’t think you’ve ever had someone of his size before, so you gasp softly as he presses forth. Soon, his entire length is seated in you, stretching and filling you to the brim.

His eyes are squeezed shut, jaw clenched as he tries to remain still in order to allow you an adjustment period. Once you’ve had some time, he begins moving his hips, rolling them at a steady pace. 

“Knew you’d have a nice little cunt,” He growls, teeth baring. “So wet and tight for me, little lamb.”

You bite your numbing lip in an attempt to prevent any of the desperate moans or cries that want to escape. He’s doing something similar, jaw clenched tightly. 

Only the wet squelch and sharp snapping of skin colliding can be heard between the two of you, minus the occasional grunt or sharp inhale from either of you, which is quickly shut down almost as soon as it slips out.

Soon, you feel your climax begin to appear on the horizon, walls clenching and pulsing around his cock. He takes notice, quickly speeding his rhythm up, exhaling loudly through his flared nostrils.

He’s getting close, too, balls pulling up as his body prepares itself for orgasm. The energy between you two, as well as your physical movements, quickly turn desperate. 

“Don’t release inside me.”

“I’m flattered that you think I’d even want to.” He says, smugly.

You huff, rolling your eyes. “I see that even the throws of passion and ecstasy is still not enough to tamper your unbearable attitude.”

“There is nothing that can stop me from taking the opportunity to get a rise out of you, milady.” He smirks before his brows knit in the center of his forehead. “If you’re gonna cum, I suggest you do it s-soon.”

Your eyes flutter shut, hips attempting to lift up off the mattress, wanting him to hit that certain spot inside you. As soon as you find the right angle, a choked sob leaves your lips as you’re quickly brought and tossed over the edge.

Kylo groans softly, thrusting rapidly before pulling out at the last minute, spilling his seed all over your abdomen.

Both of you are breathless as you ride out your climaxes, basking in the peaceful bliss that washes over your body, basking in the luxury of his utter and complete silence. It was a welcome change, a much-needed reprieve from the past few weeks of dealing with him.

He eventually flops down onto the mattress beside you, grabbing and re-securing his loincloth around his hips. You’re already a bit sore from being stretched for the first time in two years.

“May I just sleep here tonight, Sir Kylo? Unless you’d like to carry me back over to my bedroom.”

The side-eye he gives you is incredibly humorous, but you contain your laughter, not wanting to add oil to the flame.

“I won’t be a bother. I will stay on this side of the cot; you’ll barely even know I’m here.”

“Are you truly incapable of walking yourself back to your bedroom after one session of fucking? Was I really that amazing that I’ve left you unable to move about the house?” He laughs.

"And suddenly, the pain of walking over to my room seems less painful than staying here and listening to your vexing squabble.”

Kylo huffs. “If you stay here for the night, you may not breach the center of the mattress. I will kick you out if you even come close to bumping into me or making any sort of physical contact.”

Mocking his words from earlier, you smirk. “I’m flattered that you think I’d even want to touch you.”

“Very funny.” He says, flatly, rolling over to face away from you. “Just stay on your fucking side of the bed.”

You roll your eyes, sitting up to braid your hair for bed before fluffing the goose-feather pillow beneath your head, settling down for the night. Soon, Sir Kylo’s obnoxious snores bounce off the walls and you put your pillow over your head, hoping to muffle the noise.

God, even his snores are arrogant.

-

The next morning, when your eyes flutter open at the first sign of light through the window, you find the sheets next to you vacant.

You sit up, eyebrows furrowed as you look around the room, ears open to listen for any noise anywhere in the house. You don’t hear anything.

Then, you see a piece of rolled up parchment on his pillow along with a small satchel. When you open the pouch, you’re shocked to see a pile of shiny coins. You unrolled the note, reading the sloppy script.

For the medical supplies and for your trouble. Here’s hoping our paths never cross again.

-Kylo

As you read the very brief and to-the-point note, you can practically hear his snide voice in your head reciting it. The cold, cocky tone of his words shone through the parchment and ink, incredibly so. You huff, tossing the note back onto the pillow before getting up to begin the day. 

Well...at least you’ll never have to see him again.