#I hope someday it will get better

[erinnkenobi]

Yeah, reading and writing stories are my way to escape from my reality, only God knows my struggle, and my mind is unbelievable, not good thoughts, the reality that I don't wanna face, because its gonna hurt, nothing anymore seems simple, hard to find a job or to get into an university...

Always being compared with cousins or my parent's friend children, because of this and that, I'm fed up, I'm tired and lonely, my friends (if I still can claim em of it) with their own business, too busy to talk with me, and that's just fine, you know, yet it hurts when you can't count whether with them or my parents because when I try to talk with my parents, mom is always on her phone or watching TV which she doesn't want to be bothered and dad, poor dad, always working and worried about work, money or with the church, I don't blame them.

But as Tumblr is the unique platform that I feel comfortable with, I just wanted to unburden things inside my heart, which indeed helped now, and thanks for it.

I look forward to my mind's recovery, have you guys ever felt homesick even when you're inside your house? That sucks indeed as well as hating my own appearance, hate being fat, Am neither chubby nor chunky, I hope someday I'll be better.

[llamahearted]

two people will go through similar things & learn to cope in different ways

print ♥︎ song

[randomalistic]

Wait you guys are actually buying Disney products I thought it was a joke

(READ TAGS FOR FULL CONTEXT Sorry it’s long dies

[badolmen]

I hope all transwomen get $10,000 today and also see a cute bird or maybe a cool bug of some kind

[short-wooloo]

In light of the oncoming anti Jedi nightmare of the acolyte (and filoni's crap) let us take solace in the fact that when asked if Rey would have any bio kids, Daisy Ridley's response was "no she's a Jedi"

[luck-of-the-drawings]

!!! FLASHING LIGHTS WARNING!!! [IM NOT FUCKIN AROUND!!]

REACHED THE CUSP OF 'THIS MAY NEVER BE ABSOLUTELY FINISHED N IF I DONT SHOW IT NOW, IT WILL NEVER SEE THE LIGHT OF DAY.' SO HERE, A PROJECT IVE BEEN ORBITING AROUND UHH SINCE 2021 OR SO.

[bonefall]

what’s up with BB! Puddleshine? been having thoughts about him recently lol. i find it funny that rowanstar grabbed this random child from the nursery and was like ‘bam here’s our brand new doctor and spiritual leader everyone’

(*shaking twelve year old in the background*)

You know what's pretty cool about AVoS, buried underneath the slog of it all? The thing I keep going back to about this arc, in spite of how annoying it is to be forced to say in ThunderClan as everything interesting happens off-screen?

The way that so, so many young warriors are horrifically traumatized by both the structure of the Clans, and the Kin that they turn to.

It's a shame that the Erins were so committed to the idea of the Clan social structure NOT being the problem, because this whole arc is a perfect time to show how flawed it structurally is. LET these kids have a point, that maybe they were rebelling against something broken, but Darktail was a malicious actor who exploited their naivety to serve HIS ends.

A recap of what's happening in BB!AvoS before I explain my intentions with the Puddy Boy;

The big problem that I want Rowanstar to display is a problem that ALL the leaders of this time period also have. Commitment to Clan rivalry.

After Firestar was killed in AVoS by Dark Forest warriors, Bramblestar considers diplomacy secondary as a tactic. "ThunderClan will not be bullied any longer. We have been too soft with the other Clans for too long; and they have humiliated us by taking advantage of our kindness." (Note: Harespring and Breezepelt being part of the assassination patrol is not revealed until TBC. For MAXIMUM drama reveal.)

He escalated a border dispute that Firestar had worked closely and intimately with ShadowClan to resolve; a fight for a knoutberry patch on their border, just before Winter.

After Russetfur died in this painful battle, Blackstar backslid hard from his redemption arc. This caused the Thunder/Shadow alliance to dissolve towards the end of OotS, ending a friendship between the two Clans that had lasted through all of Po3.

He was open to Sol's manipulation, and while Tawnypelt was trying to fight the Dark Forest trainees who took over ShadowClan in the meantime... Rowanclaw became deputy by organizing a patrol of cats to remind Blackstar how much he means to them.

So Rowanstar inherits the Clan with this in mind. ShadowClan solves SHADOWCLAN'S problems. "ThunderClan had a quarrel with WindClan, but decided that we were their enemy. Leaving ourselves open for betrayal was a mistake; if we cannot handle our own problems, we will inevitably succumb to them when our so-called 'allies' don't come to help." (Note: he isn't completely wrong. His words are borderline prophetic for what's about to happen.)

Onestar has a smug chuckle at this. Since taking leadership, he's been appealing to the strongest, hardest members of his Clan. Those who once tried to kill him for his "weakness" in the Civil War. The "lesson" ShadowClan learned is one that he's known since the day Onewhisker died and Onestar was born, on the night of that sabotaged muirburn. "That so-called peace was always a farce. We are warriors of the four Clans; it was always going to come down to honor, and putting ourselves first. My WindClan isn't foolish enough to pretend like ThunderClan ever acted in anything but their own, hidden self-interest."

And Mistystar respects the direction Bramblestar has taken his Clan in, and approves of the "honesty" that the Clans are now showing. "As the branches of the honeysuckle fight and win the light for themselves, sometimes there are beautiful flowers that die in the shade. We can mourn the end of an era, and prepare for a future that will be made all the sweeter for our shared struggle. This is the way of the Clans, and StarClan's solemn light shines upon us all." (Note: god I love writing Misty's speeches)

In the family tree reworkings, Rowanstar is now the brother of Littlecloud. Sons of Brokenstar, honor-sired for Newtspeck.

Littlecloud... is suffering from early onset Alzheimer's.

He didn't want to choose an apprentice after Flametail's horrible death, heartbroken and stressed out, especially when he couldn't reach his nephew through contact with StarClan.

He can't remember, anymore, that Flametail was freed. He keeps forgetting this, over and over

He keeps ending up in different times of his life, where he's best friends with Cinderpelt and still calling Leafpool by her pre-Honor Title name, where he's inventing a mobility device for Wildfur, where he's still escaping the plague and before he knew his mentor caused it, where he's on the Great Journey...

Rowanstar is in a lot of pain, watching his brother forget so many things, scared and confused half the time. He doesn't want to believe that this is really the end, or that... many of these cats are now so young they can't recognize the various eras that Littlecloud is finding himself in.

Puddleshine and Slatefur are going to remain in Pinenose's litter. Either Lion or Birch MIGHT get shuffled to another one; and ALSO the shuffler might survive the Kin. (SO voice which one you want to survive, if you have a preference!)

SO, Violetshine has either two or three adopted siblings... plus another.

Pinenose's oldest surviving child is Happypaw. Happy is the half-sibling of Puddle/Slate-- the death of Weaselkit in the Great Battle caused his parents (Pinenose and Owlclaw) to break up.

(this is why I'm thinking about just reducing the litter to Puddle/Slate, so Violet has three major adoption-siblings to remember instead of four.)

And now we're ready to talk about Puddleshine.

He isn't the first young cat to be shoved into an extremely high-pressure position because of a Cleric becoming incapacitated. Kestrelflight was also forced to become the holy speaker of his people when he was far, far too young, after Barkface died in TNP. He dealt with this obediently, with only Jayfeather ever really being able to get him to think about it in a different light.

Unlike Kestrel, Puddlekit did voice that he was interested in becoming a Cleric, in BB. But he was too young to be properly making that choice, to know what he was getting into. He mentioned it practically offhandedly, and BOOM Rowanstar had rolled him into the position.

But Puddlepaw has a deep sense of responsibility. "Wise beyond his years"-- likely because of how tumultuous his home life was.

His mother's oldest child, Happypaw, was openly a bully of his half-siblings. Pinenose distanced herself from him as a result, causing Happy to be closer to Owlclaw, who was still not over Weaselkit's death.

But Puddle's Ba Spikefur is not a cat who handles his kit's emotions well. Instead, he encourages ambition, tells him to get back at his half-sibling by being more influential than that twerp could ever be.

Puddle will often go to Violet, the new POV, to vent about these things.

And one thing he mentions to her is how amazing Kestrelflight is, when he gets to meet him at the half-moon conferences. He learns SO MUCH from him, it's like he GETS what he's going through...

Puddle doesn't even feel sure that Littlecloud knows what he's doing anymore. If he's learning the right information at all.

But Rowanstar won't DO anything about Littlecloud-- and he CERTAINLY isn't about to let Puddlepaw go train under someone else's Cleric.

As a result of this, Puddlepaw becomes a VERY important member of Sleekpaw's little group. He wasn't one of their friends to begin with, buuuuut...

When he sits to chat with Sleekpaw and Needlepaw, with Happypaw good and far out of earshot, she makes a lot of sense.

A LOT of it.

ShadowClan is run by old men who don't know what they're doing. Rowanstar is too emotional to make good choices. Puddlepaw, barely even old enough to begin apprenticeship, is running all the medicine for an entire Clan.

And, sure, he doesn't have much in the way of a connection to StarClan, no, just a little more spiritual than the average cat...

But who can point this out? If Littlecloud is slowly losing his mind anyway?

"It's not right, how much pressure's on you," Sleekpaw growls, "And it wouldn't be this way if we could challenge Rowanstar. You should be training with Kestrelflight right now."

"But we're dealing with the shells StarClan dealt, and the Clan is looking to you now," Needlepaw points out on behalf of her friend, "You have much more sway than you know."

This time around for BB, Sleekpaw starts as a young hero. She's right. Rowanstar should be challenged, his emotions are affecting the ENTIRE Clan, and Puddlepaw is in a bad position because of it. Needlepaw is like her best diplomat, surely to become her deputy someday.

They would have made an excellent set of leaders for ShadowClan. But they trusted the wrong person, and were exploited. When Darktail and The Kin came to the lake, they were swept up by it, and WindClan began an embargo.

Puddlepaw eventually oversees the Yellowcough Outbreak, and at first just thinks it's Greencough. He has no idea about strains, or the special types of Color Cough that Clan cats have historically dealt with. Even when he finally does learn it's not JUST Greencough, he's powerless to do anything about it. A lot of cats die because of the lack of mullein.

After that, with ShadowClan so weak and the Kin so strong... he's one of the cats who calls for the merge. The most important one, in fact, leveraging his position to say that this is StarClan's will.

Sleekwhisker and Needletail were right all along, and he's happy to stick it right into everyone's faces. Onestar's tantrum of an embargo killed his Clanmates, Rowanstar stopped him from properly training, he's been under pressure from the time he was small with Littlecloud not fit to be a mentor, and he's ready to welcome in ShadowClan's new era as something that is not a Clan.

...unfortunately, it turned out to be the wrong choice. Not because his thought process was wrong. But because Darktail had other plans in-mind.

[pleasedontcareaboutme]

It's missing my father hours rn so imma just dump a bunch of pictures here and cry

( sorry i don't know the source of anything I just had them on my phone)

(also dont read the tags i just need to let it out lol)

[osamusriceballs]

The Accident - Part XIII

Atsumu x fem reader

Warnings: None

Words: ~ 1,4 k

About: Still problems in paradise.

Part I II -> Next Part

7 missed calls from Atsumu Miya

3 new messages on your mailbox

25 new text messages from Atsumu Miya

"Looks like someone's really eager to talk to you," the taxi driver comments when your phone won't stop ringing, but you just snort and finally turn off your phone. "Seems like it, yeah." He raises an eyebrow at your resigned tone but tactfully keeps any further comments to himself, a gesture you appreciate at the moment.

Your whole body feels numb.

You're furious with Atsumu, that's certain. Part of you wants to confront him, ask how he could sink so low as to cheat on his girlfriend – heck, how he could marry you without telling her. Another part just feels sad and disappointed, just wanting to go back home and get some sleep, hoping things will seem better with time. Maybe you'll find out that all of this is just a bad joke, just a misunderstanding. Perhaps she's not his girlfriend – maybe she is someone who misunderstood that he's married and just had no idea that it's you. But why did she claim to have him in the palm of her hand?

You fight back tears and take a deep breath through your nose, thankfully almost home at this point. You won't try to reach out to him. Not after tonight. He'll either contact you tomorrow and explain everything, or you'll not see him again.

xxx

"He hasn't tried to contact you?" Yachi looks at you with sad puppy eyes while she applies a soft pink polish on her nails. You shake your head and hold your cup of tea a bit tighter. The TV quietly plays a movie in the background, something you two don't really focus on right now, especially not since you're finally talking about Atsumu.

"He called a few times during the night, but after that, nothing. Complete silence. I can't even see his profile picture anymore. I think he blocked me." You swallow the heavy lump in your throat at this words. He blocked you. Like you're some kind of obsessed fan or just a nuisance to him.

It's been a week now since it happened. You expected him to at least call again or maybe even visit your apartment after not seeing you for so long, but nothing. He hasn't bothered even giving you the slightest sign of life. But your heart clenched when you saw that he had updated his Instagram profile today with pictures of him at Onigiri Miya's – and you found the strawberry tiramisu that you both had shared the other day among the pictures, you just can't understand why he would do that.

Yachi closes the small lid and looks at you with anger coating her face while she carefully reaches for her phone. "I'll call Hinata and ask—"

"No!" You shake your head energetically, and Yachi lowers her hand. "Please don't bring him into it. It's embarrassing enough that I thought we had something going on." You bury your face in your hand and sigh, and Yachi quickly wraps her arms around you in a comforting way while making sure her fingers don't smudge her polish.

"I'm so sorry, Y/N. I never thought he was seeing someone. Hinata also had no idea, I guarantee it. He would have told me instantly if he knew. And Kageyama would have told me as well. They will give him an earful once they know."

You smile bitterly but still feel a bit better at the thought of cute sunshine Hinata yelling at Atsumu. "It's okay; it's not your fault. I'll forget about him. Just another year, and then I'll completely cut him out of my life."

You smile weakly, finally returning the hug with the mug still in your hand. It's time to forget about him. You'll see him in about a year, and that will be the last time. You'll make sure of that.

"Before I forget, Hinata asked if you received the cards for the Olympics match. You don't have to go, but if you want to, he'd be glad for you to come. He really likes you."

"I'll think about it. It's in a few weeks, right? I don't know if I want to see Atsumu so soon again. But maybe for some sort of closure?" You pull back and look at her with furrowed brows, and she nods at your words.

"I get it. But I'm still really disappointed in him. I really thought he's a good guy."

"Me too." You smile sadly, thinking about the pretty woman in the elevator, feeling a pang in your heart.

A part of you is still longing for him. He makes you feel good, he makes you feel desirable and beautiful. He makes you feel like you matter to him, like you're having a part of his heart. Yet, he hasn't told you about that woman, and it makes you feel dirty. The fact that he hasn't reached out after that night is enough to make you want to forget him and erase any foolish hope that this is just a misunderstanding. It's bitter reality.

You just need to make it clear to your heart that Atsumu Miya is no longer part of your life.

xxx

"Samu, she hates me."

"Yeah, and she has every reason to."

Osamu sighs as he watches Atsumu, a big pathetic clump of sadness practically lying on his counter. Atsumu is in no condition to drive home, and Osamu is well aware of that, already planning to drive to his apartment before he can finally go to his own bed. Since that incident a month ago, Atsumu has become unstable, getting drunk every other night, setting up a dangerous routine. Knowing he has an important match coming up doesn't stop him. Volleyball, always his top priority, now takes a back seat to his misery. Not even Bokuto can cheer him up, and Hinata is suspiciously avoiding him. He suspects Yachi finally told him what happened, though Hinata hasn't mentioned it.

"I even posted a pic of me being here tonight. She didn't come."

"You post pictures of being here almost every night. You can't tell me you expected her to come after parting like that? And you know that there's still the chance that she met her on her way downstairs." Atsumu sighs, slowly lifting his head at Osamu's sharp response. His face is red, eyes red-rimmed – a side effect of the alcohol. He looks horrible, and it actually pains Osamu to see him like this.

"Shut it. I'll call her. I got a new number today. I can call her now; I was just waiting for the right moment."

Osamu hesitates but decides it might be good for Atsumu to finally reach out, after being unable to do so during the past few weeks. Doubtful you'll answer, it's late after all, but maybe when you listen to the whole story and if Atsumu does a lot of groveling and explaining- then maybe you two still have a chance. Osamu still has no idea what kind of fate brought the two of you together, but he is certain that you'd make a great couple. If only his twin had a few more brain cells and a bit more luck.

Atsumu has finally managed to find your contact and started a call, which got directed to your mailbox after a few moments. He clears his throat and straightens his posture before he begins to talk, almost looking like his usual self.

"Y/N? It's me, Atsumu. I know it's been a while, but I'm sorry for everything. I couldn't call or text, but I miss you." He sighs and covers his eyes. "I miss you a lot, actually, I've been thinking about you every day ever since that night. I know it's all kind of messed up, but I can explain everything. Please, just let me. Please, y/n. I don't... don't want to lose you." Atsumu takes a deep breath and ends the call, his hands slightly shaky now.

"That was... corny." Osamu cringes, wiping the counter and putting Atsumu's beer aside.

"That's it – my last try of reaching out to her. If she's not answering, I'll just let her go." Atsumu's words are a bit slurred, but Osamu still gets it. He prays you'll listen – or else he'll be in trouble.

xxx

You wake up to a missed call and a message on your voicemail from an unknown number. Probably spam.

Without thinking twice, you delete the message.

[foreststarflaime]

Ok I’m curious. If you could live anywhere on Gaia, where would it be? If you leave reasoning as to why in the tags or smth I will love you forever

All of these before any disasters that destroy them lmao

I think my answer would probably be Banora, since considering the climate apple trees generally grow in and the fact that Mideel is an Irish name it seems to be the British Isles of Gaia, and I have enjoyed nowhere on this planet more than I enjoyed Scotland and Oxford. Plus I love exploring caves filled with the lore of legends past. Colorado comes second for favorite place on earth for those gorgeous mountains, and for that reason Nibelheim would be my second choice

[fettiowi]

Got a figure ive wanted since i was 11 😭😭

SEGA HARD GIRLS DREAMCAST!!

I love her design its so cool... shes a littke yellowed but idc much im glad to finally get her

Her base is a little dreamcast its adorable 😭😭

I tried to get the Mega drive one last month but it didnt work out 😔 BUT AT LEAST I GOT DREAMCAST

Bonus: Rouge and a chao on the lil dreamcast cause I thought it would be cute

[fromdarzaitoleeza]

Hiiii, hope this text finds you well, this blog was the sweetest thing on Tumblr for me , I loved scrolling your blog for hours and how you would comfort a stranger or give them suggestions in the ask box, your blog has helped me to learn and deal with so many things and has opened my heart for beauty of literature, hope to see you around soon 🤍

I am flattered, I am glad to know my blog was helpful for you , i do love this app and people here but i happen to stop passing by on this app due to some issues life is really a mess apparently

Thank you for the kind words , you can still find my posts on my Instagram if you ever feel like reading 🫂💗

[welcome-to-aperture]

i can’t draw so i decided to play with jpegs like dolls.

[goldkirk]

I opened Pinterest for the first time in months.

That made me realize a lot about how bad I was actually doing and how much of a Waffle House Index use of Pinterest is for adult me, apparently.

I hadn’t realized it had grown that foundational to me in a healthy-brain-exercise-and-hobby-joy way. Nice to know moving forward! It’s another sign I can keep track of and use to spot correlation/indicator patterns earlier my behavior.

I love this kind of thing, it makes me so excited!

[skeletalheartattack]

im showing my friend clanker the awesome six eggs and single ice key i found today

[pallanophblargh]

Had a pretty good birthday, for the first time in... a while? I don’t mean for that to sound sad, but it’s what ya do when you’re depressed and aging. (IYKYK)

An old friend from high school days came up from Iowa to celebrate with me, which was very welcome! We had plant themed fun together, and rants, and wrestled traffic together, and had tacos and margaritas. We were therapists for each other. We laughed about dumb shit most of the time and reveled in our shared weirdness. In many ways, it was as if no time had gone by. We were definitely both overdue for this, which is usually the case when you’re in your 30s and living in different states.

The unexpected side effect is realization on my end of how much I’d benefitted from leaving things behind: I’d always known that leaving more or less saved my life, but reminders from my friend who is so much like myself of how things still are there kind of shattered my comparatively pleasant little urban bubble I’d made for myself. And so I began my exercise in gratitude, that, regardless of how flawed this city and state may be, it’s been so good for me to be here, to learn, change, and grow.

And so, I say: I love you, Minnesota. Even if you are that Midwest flavor of banality (so what?) and you reek of that infamous passive aggression, you could be doing a lot worse. After all, progress, not perfection!*

I dunno. I just felt maybe I need to be more deliberate about noticing things I am/should be grateful for. Especially since I’ve spent my entire life focusing on everything that is wrong.

*Plenty of things NEED improvement/change, but considering the neighboring states and the country as a whole... yeaaaaah...