#I hope posting this doesn't make people sad.
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I knew once they actually wrote ekko he would shine. Kid who grew up too fast but is still full of hope and optimism at the end of the day. Top tier writing I’m so soft for him. Also a character that can balance bettering society AND caring about his found family? We have finally encountered an arcane character capable of multitasking. Still mad they underutilized him for so long tho and gave him that ending. MY SON😭
Also what’s so funny is that before watching arc 3 is I had made a post saying that arcane is actually just high quality fanfiction (in animation. Not writing lololol) and for arc 3 to open with happy timebomb alt universe fluff made me scream. Arcane writing its own fluffy fanfiction that’s actually surprise canon compliant? More likely than you think. Also representing yearning for a better world despite the crumbling reality around you and getting up and going Fight for it via a childhood friends to enemies to lovers dynamic was galaxy brained. Timebomb 5eva!!!!!!
I AGREEEEE!!! I honestly didn't think they would ever get to Ekko, which made me sad bc he's been a standout in s1 and I was dying needing more of his dynamic with the sisters. Imagine my reaction when I started ep 7 and saw THAT illustration on the netflix logo record. I feel like he still wasn't written in a way that left me fully satisfied, but damn, he was the only thing I truly cared about the entire season lololol. I love how him being placed within the fluffy fanfic wasn't a question of whether he would get the strength to return to his own bleak reality, but what messages would he take with him to it. And the message he chose was "Being overly optimistic and loving people is the way to go". Like you said, bringing them back full force 3 episodes before the show ends to remind us of how much everyone loves each other was a galaxy brained idea. Which is why it was SO PAINFUL when ep 9 didn't really show any of it... like c'mon... I know they wanted to shock and delight us all by making Ekko and Jinx wear matching outfits and work together, but it definitely missed the same thing pretty much everything else did this season: EMOTIONAL BUILDUP. I wish the season dedicated more time to them and what they think of each other. I wish Isha didn't exist and instead was replaced with Jinx, Sevika, Vi and Ekko as the emotional backbone. This way Jinx seems like she truly doesn't care all that much, not about Ekko, not about Vi, not about herself or her own goals from the past. Why did she just fake her own death instead of going back to the people who finally love her as she is. Why did she do that. Why did Ekko get a tragic ending when he literally saved the world. Arcane writers what the hell were you thinking
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Very Personal Take on Good Omens
I've always related more to Crowley. It has always been easier for me to understand them than Aziraphale, especially in s1. Don't get me wrong, I've adored Aziraphale since day one too, I just think that, personality wise, we have less traits in common.
However, since the end of s2, I've been able to really feel for Aziraphale and immediately found myself defending them and their final decision. I won't lie and tell you that, at the beginning, I didn't feel angry and even a little betrayed at all, but once I cooled down and thought about it with a clear mind I got it. And, later, I also got the reason why I was feeling so defensive about Aziraphale.
Last year I broke up with my partner, with whom I also had a lot of mutual friends. I was the one to call it off and I did it because there were some dynamics I couldn't tolerate anymore, but I still loved them and I suffered a lot (still do sometimes). Still, I knew it was the right thing to do for the both of us and I never regretted it.
The thing is, the friends we had in common never really bothered to check up on me: I was the one to call it off and I was the one who'd always appeared emotionally stronger, so why would I be suffering? However, they comforted my ex multiple times, sometimes right after I'd gone home, because they just burst into tears in front of everyone. Obviously, I was very sad and cried a lot too, I just avoided doing it in front of our mutual friends to avoid creating sides (when we broke up we promised this to each other).
Connecting all of this to Good Omens, I believe that something like that is happening in the fandom too. A lot of people are hyper focusing on Crowley's pain because it's more obvious and understandable to them, while they're painting Aziraphale as the "bad one" who broke their heart and doesn't care about them just because they were the one who made the difficult decision. And, while I understand it's easier to see it that way, I also think it's not actually that hard to dig a little deeper.
Just because someone's pain is more evident doesn't mean they were the only one to get hurt and didn't hurt back too. Crowley hurt Aziraphale too, even if we might not see it immediately or as clearly as the other way around. They're both suffering, there is no right and wrong side, they both made mistakes and, nonetheless, it's no doubt they love each other and deserve a happy ending.
I hope this makes sense. It's a very emotionally charged analysis so, even if you don't agree, be polite about it please. I know I didn't get too much into what happened in the final 15, but I've already made (and I'll make) other specific posts about it. This one was more of an emotional take.
I'd also like to underline that none of this is a contest about who's hurting more. It's an invitation not to take for granted other people's feelings but actually try and understand both sides of a situation, even if we naturally relate to or understand one more than the other. (Of course, this doesn't apply to toxic relationships).
#good omens#ineffable husbands#crowley#aziraphale#aziracrow#final 15#the final fifteen#good omens season 2#good omens thoughts#break up
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Like... I know this is a new blog and that I don't have as many followers as on my old one here yet BUT...
I've posted like 25,000+ words worth of fics in the last like 3 days and aside from my amazing ride or die friends (you all know who you are, this isn't directed at any of you obviously! You're THE BEST!) I've gotten barely any interaction with these fics.
When I write something funny I always think "I really REALLY hope someone will comment or reblog (or send an ask or DM) and say "OMGGGG 'this part' made me laugh so hard" or when I write something sad that makes me cry or any time I write honestly. As I do, I ALWAYS hope that maybe I'll see a new face (old faces LOVE you sososo much please don't go away!) saying what they enjoyed about my fic.
I have at least 3 fics that I have been SO super excited to write for yall but honestly with as little interaction as I've gotten on the last few this last week or 2 I'm discouraged to continue.
I'll still write them because I want to see these stories unfold myself but the idea of posting them doesn't bring me the joy I feel like it should so I don't know if I will.
Also lack of interaction is 100% why I don't do a tag list anymore. I've been getting asked this A LOT lately (nothing against those people) and I used to! I'd tag like 20+ people but I'd get maybe 3 that would comment and interact with my fics. It's tedious and time consuming to do just to get next to nothing out of it, so I won't do them anymore.
I don't know. I feel like I'm ranting now and probably sound like an asshole but what I'm trying to say is it hurts my feelings. I don't know... I'll probably end up deleting this I'm just in my feelings about it right now.
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Artea: "What's your favorite memory with Fit?" It's probably off-stream moments, because Fit is super supportive.
Artea: I'm not going to talk much about Fit, because I don't want him to, you know, see what I say- like, not see everything that I say about him, but Fit is a super supportive person. I really enjoyed playing Ramon because… you know, just- because of how supportive Fit is.
Artea, Ramon's second admin, is live right now doing a Q&A session talking about their experience on the server.
#Artea#QSMP#Admins#March 21 2024#Ramon#I missed most of the start#I hope posting this doesn't make people sad.#But I think what Art said about Fit is very nice#(Artea uses any pronouns btw!)
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worst way to start my new year, thanks. i have a lot of things to say about these companies but i'm tired and just keeping it focused to the pin side of things for this one. do not ever buy pins from these companies, literally ALL of them are stolen from small artists like me. if you want to buy enamel pins, check out etsy, and artist's personal websites and shops! (though even Etsy has some bootleg pins that ship straight from china, so tread carefully…)
Every pin I've designed is, thus far, EXCLUSIVE to my etsy. if you find it anywhere else, it's been ripped off! and once these stupid bootlegs pop up, it's basically a never ending game of whack-a-mole trying to get them all taken down...
#psa#art theft#pin theft#aliexpress#shein#wish#temu#deltarune#the bootleg pin is just over an inch tall. do you know how BAD this design looks at that size?? i'd know. i tested it.#they didn't even use the black nickel of the pin for the black parts of the design. and the listing says copper for some reason. what.#some people never even get their designs taken down. its really sad#so i might just have to deal with bootleg queens out there forever :( i hope nobody confuses the ripoffs for the real thing....#my pin is so much nicer! its almost two inches big and it has two posts on the back so it doesn't spin#because spinning pins are the bane of my existence#im out here working my ass off out of my bedroom in my parents place trying to make a living and here come these pricks#i watermarked all my listing photos exactly so they Couldn't steal my fucking pictures so at least there's that#my new years is just full of bad luck so far i hope this isn't a bad omen#if my registration isn't accepted by the aliexpress copyright department I'm SOL and this will just. stay up i guess#i'm sad#bootleggers kys
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woozi being the one saying "just trust me once baby, i'll never let you down baby" hits different after everything they've been through recently
#it is unfortunate that the person they collabed with isn't a good person but woozi and seventeen has never let us down#yet people keep undermining them and attacking them before even knowing the full story#they saw dj khaled + love money fame and thought they were going to start flaunting their riches without a second thought#but the song just ended up being about love. in fact they even said they don't prioritise money and fame over love#and after reading woozis post i just feel so bad for him#everyone is counting on him and it cannot be easy to bear that burden for your entire team#+ he ended it with 'we'll make a better album' like no woozi this is already a good album. you don't need to keep outdoing yourself#idk his message just made me so sad. i hope the pressure doesn't get to him too bad. he's allowed to rest#woozi#seventeen
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#regarding the liam and maya situation: i have a lot to say that i cannot express in tags and some of yall are still in a huge denial phase#but as i said the day we first knew about maya's book - im believing her. i believe she is a victim. im believing the victim.#i do trust women who make allegations without explicitly showing proof on social media because thats what i stand for. i rather believe a#liar than believing and abuser. with her; with you; and with every women (and everyone) out there even if i don't like her.#if you have a problem with this value i have: i recommend to unfollow me. because i believe her and that won't change.#and the tiktok she posted acknowledging 1d's fanbase behaviour is not only well-worded; but her non verbal language does match what she is#saying. i hope liam can get out of his addiction and i hope he can recognise his actions to be able to change for good; yes. but that doesn#change what he already did. i have plenty of reasons to believe maya - and seeing so many fellow fans saying shit in her comments like#“you're a liar until you post proof” “if you're saying the truth then sue him” “this is pr for the book” etc etc. insane and concerning.#yall talk like cishet men defending their friends btw. the exact same “arguments”...... is sad to see other women saying this. it breaks my#heart. and as someone who is studying PR genuinely fuck yall ???? yall don't even know what tf we do yall just blame us for every shit in#the industry when in reality its not our fault all the amount of crap yall say it is our fault. if i ask yall to even define what we do#im sure 99.99% won't even know the difference between PR/Marketing/Publicity. get my name and my fellow PR people out of your shit ??? wtf?#its diabolical to blame this on PR. seriously whatin the actual fuck. it doesn't even make sense????? fuck offffffff#i hope maya henry may find peace; i hope she can recover and overcome as well as possible. im disgusted by the behaviour almost everyone is#having. im not praying for a downfall or hoping bad things on liam but i definitely won't defend any of this. and tbh yall shouldn't either#on the other side: i hope she better not talk in any kind of way about louis/harry situation#but because that would mess stuff up in multiple ways. they don't need to be dragged in this. at all.#we don't need “official” denials nor confirmations of people that are not them in any type of way.#anyway... how's the weather i guess#maya henry
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anyone else seeing some distasteful kurt busch dwi takes or is it just me
#like don't get me wrong... it's bad. he had a LOT in his system and he shouldn't have been driving#but oh my god...#calling him disgusting?#when (if you take like 5 minutes to look) a lot of his fans seem to think he might have a drinking problem...?#I don't know anything about the guy honestly. he could be the worst person in nascar or a literal saint. it doesn't matter#I just think it's weird for people to hop on their soap boxes to publicly decry him worthless for this#like you don't have to like him to not be condescending to addicts??#holy shittt#it's truly awful#and it's coming from a LOT of ''left leaning'' accounts I follow too. sad.#like sure you want to help alcoholics/addicts but do you show compassion.#instead of ''this is disgusting I am repulsed by [man I don't know]'s actions''#how about you try ''wow this is disappointing but I really hope he seeks help for both the community and his sake''#otherwise your comments are just performative bullshit#addicts shouldn't have to read your garbage and shame themselves into healing.#cause yknow that doesn't always fucking work. sometimes it makes them want to harm themselves MORE.#because if they're already so terrible how can they live sober/clean?!#so maybe shut the fuck up.#anyway. you can socially condemn things without trying to humiliate addicts and potential addicts who are ultimately#victims of their condition.#sincerely. the son and grandson of several addicts.#P.S. THIS POST IS NOT SAYING ADDICTS ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR THEIR ACTIONS. NOWHERE DO I SAY THAT.#ok bye
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The Frozen Lake
It was the third day since he had stopped feeling like dying.
About a week ago he had woken up from his far too lifelike fever dream and a few days later the last spikes of the fever itself had been gone too just like the hallucinations it had brought in his sleep.
He still had been sick though and welcomed Rael telling him to stay in bed until he was perfectly healthy again all too eagerly.
While he still sneezed every now and then, it was at least tolerable now, still annoying but he didn’t feel incredibly uncomfortable anymore.
That day, just like the last and also the ones before that, he had awoken late. Against Rael’s order to stay in bed he had found the courage to get up and take a look out of the window. It was a sunny day, which in Coerthas still meant that it was bitterly cold though. But the sun was shining brightly and already high in the sky too which meant it had to be almost midday. He had slept way too long again, way to many hours for a surprisingly dreamless sleep. Or maybe it was exactly the lack of dreams that allowed him to finally rest, after all in the past there rarely had been good ones…
For a moment he considered to go downstairs and ask for a late breakfast if that wasn’t too insolent given the late hour but then a knock sounded from the door.
Quickly he hurried back to bed, just in case it was Rael, but the person who carefully peeked into the room a few seconds later wasn’t a viera.
“Ah, you are awake! That’s good!”, Haurchefant exclaimed happily and brought a small tray with hot soup and also something warm to drink. “It is so late already, you must be horribly hungry. Alphinaud checked in on you earlier but you were still fast asleep and he didn’t have the heart to wake you.”
A little uncertain on how to answer to that, A’viloh just nodded. Haurchefant grinned, put down a mug on the bedside table and handed A‘viloh a comfortingly warm bowl filled with some rather delicious smelling stew.
Instead of fetching the chair from the small desk by the window, Haurchefant sat down at the lower end of the bed balancing the tray with his own lunch on his knees. Rael once told him that ishgardian society had an absurd amount of strict and antiquated rules and so A’viloh couldn’t help but wonder, that although it seemed like a very appropriate distance to him, in Haurchefant’s hometown the fact alone that he dared to sit on someone else’s bed was probably scandalous.
“I hope you don’t mind me having lunch with you.”, the Elezen asked as he noticed A‘viloh staring.
Quickly the Miqo’te lowered his gaze to his bowl of soup. “Not at all.”, he muttered and tried a spoonful of the food just to change the topic. “Mhh, this is very good!”, he mumbled, still chewing, surprised by how good this really was compared to the bland food and bitter teas Rael had usually brought him these last few days. It must have been the Viera’s way of punishing him for running away.
Haurchefant laughed and then for a while they ate in silence.
“You look a lot healthier already.”, the Elezen stated after a while with an amiable smile on his face before taking a sip from his mug.
A‘viloh shrugged a little embarrassed, since it had been his own fault that he hadn’t been well in the first place. “Only because all of you took so good care of me.”
Haurchefant nodded. “You know, you had us all horribly worried right?”
“Sorry about that.”, he said and guitily looked into his mug.
Curiously Haurchefant eyed him for a moment. “Why did you do that anyway? Run out into the storm.”
A bit surprised A’viloh looked up. Had they all thought he had done this on purpose? “There wasn’t a storm when I left! What do I know about weather? I didn’t expect it to start snowing, let alone that much!”
That made the Elezen chuckle again but he still looked at him expecting an answer.
“Still… why did you leave?”
“I assumed Rael told you…”, A’viloh replied not sure what Haurchefant wanted to hear exactly. He nodded. “Rael did. But maybe I want to hear it from you…”
A’viloh sighed. His plan hadn’t been very smart and he felt a little uncomfortable having to explain his reasons to someone else, when in retrospect it didn’t make much sense even to his own ears.
“You know the… circumstances under which we fled Ul’dah… I couldn’t… um… the fact that we didn’t even know what happened to our friends… I wanted to find out, because it doesn’t seem fair to me that we escaped while all of them didn’t…”
“Mhh…”, Haurchefant nodded thoughtfully but let go off the topic for now. Instead he asked, „And how are you feeling today?”
Somehow that question confused A’viloh even more.
“What do you mean?”
“It’s a simple question, isn’t it?”, he said still smiling politely.
Of course it was a simple question. Just the answer felt unreasonable complicated to him. To make things even more difficult people who asked such a question usually wanted to hear “I‘m fine, and you?” or “Very good, thank you.” for an answer and rarely the truth. They certainly didn’t want to hear “A few days ago I was convinced I was going to die and honestly it wasn’t that bad, so now I‘m still not sure wether I am happy to still be alive or not”.
“Alright… I guess.”, he mumbled instead. He had never been a good liar and could only hope that this fact wasn’t too obvious for the Elezen.
“You know what?”, Haurchefant proclaimed after watching him thoughtfully for a second. “Today is a wonderful day. We should go for a walk.”
“A walk?!”, A’viloh exclaimed wide-eyed, as if he had just asked something unreasonable of him.
“Why not?”
A’viloh couldn’t think of a good reason why not, other than that he was supposed to stay in bed, so he shrugged.
“Where’s Rael?”, he asked instead.
Haurchefant smirked. “Do you need Rael’s permission to go outside?”
“Of course not.”, the Miqo’te protested. “But Rael will be mad if I run off again, especially against their orders to stay in bed.”
“Rael and Alphinaud went to the observatory earlier.”, Haurchefant explained. “We’ll be back before they are, I promise.”
What was A’viloh supposed to say against that and also against the expectant look on the Elezen’s face. He took another glimpse towards the window and decided that it looked nice enough to go outside.
“Fine.”
“Good!”, Haurchefant exclaimed happily and collected their empty bowls and mugs. “There should be warm clothes for you in the wardrobe. If you need anything else just ask someone. I’ll wait for you by the northern gate.”
After Haurchefant had left, A’viloh remained sitting in his bed for a moment longer contemplating on the Elezen’s question. Yes, he felt better again. But better in what comparison? Better than a few days ago when he had felt and also been half-dead? Though he didn’t feel sick anymore now, there still was a weigh on his heart. From his plan that had failed so spectacularly and even more so from the dreams he wouldn’t have minded to keep on dreaming forever.
Vehemently he shook his head and decided not to think about that now or he would just crawl back under the blanket of his comfortably warm bed again. Instead he got up and took a look into the wardrobe. Almost none of these were his own clothes of course since all he possessed were the ones he had worn on his body that day they fled Ul’dah. Very unsuitable for this climate. But neither did he see the borrowed clothes he had worn that night when he had tried to run away. Everything in here looked even softer and warmer like someone had wanted to make sure he was feeling comfortable. To his surprise the things didn’t look that much too big for him either, unlike his last set of clothes. Besides a few Hyur most people here at Camp Dragonhead were grown up Elezen but these clothes looked like they belonged to neither. Maybe it were clothes for Elezen children, he wondered and also thought that in that case someone must have brought them here just for him.
Grateful for so much effort he picked a few pieces and got dressed. Lazily he ran his fingers through his hair to get rid of the worst knots but the look into the small mirror at the washbasin, where his tired face stared back at him reproachfully, just made him sigh. Once he was ready he took the warm coat out of the wardrobe too and went out to look for Haurchefant. Just as he had said, the Elezen was standing by the gate that led to the north-east, towards the ruins of the Steel Vigil.
From afar Haurchefant already recognised the Miqo’te, his bright red hair a singularity among all the people living here. Pleasantly smiling as always he waved at him and A’viloh couldn’t help but smile a little too and wave back as he hurriedly walked towards him.
“There you are! I see the clothes fit you nicely.”
A’viloh nodded.
“They do. Thank you very much for these.”
Haurchefant dismissively waved with one hand. “It’s the least I could do…”
But he had done a lot more than that, A’viloh thought. “I think there’s more I need to thank you for. Rael told me it was you who saved my life.”
“Mhhh…”, Haurchefant tilted his head as if he wasn’t sure if this statement was entirely the truth. “Rael is too humble. They played a bit of a role in that too. After all it was Rael who noticed you were gone. And it was also Rael who didn’t leave your bedside and tried their best to heal you.”
A’viloh remembered waking up and finding the usually quite touch-averse viera cuddled up to him with a look on their face so horribly sad like he had never seen on them before. Rael had pretended it was nothing but it had been a very unconvincing performance. Asked about it Alphinaud had only offered a few sentences about how worried Rael had looked and how they had used all kinds of spells he himself had never seen or heard of before, all of it to try and save him. It had made him feel even more guilty for his stupidity.
So maybe Haurchefant was right. But still it had been him who had risked going out into the storm to find him.
“Anyway. I still want to thank you! Honestly.”, he insisted. But how honestly was it really?
Sure, he was glad to still be alive. After all his plan hadn’t been to run out into a blizzard and freeze to death, although some of them seemed to think that was the case. But once he found himself in this situation he had to admit that he had welcomed his fate rather willingly. A fact that shocked even himself a little looking back at it now.
“You’re welcome. After all you wouldn’t be any help to your friends frozen to death out there.”, Haurchefant joked with a wry smile on his lips.
“I guess not...”, A’viloh muttered, the topic of his friends making his mood visibly sink again.
Of course the Elezen noticed and his smile turned into a playful grin. “But I acted a little selfish too, you know? I think Camp Dragonhead is a lot friendlier with your company and I would like to have you and your pretty smile around a little longer.”
For a moment A’viloh’s eyes shot up to look at the others face before he quickly pretended that something somewhere a little bit to his left was a lot more interesting. Sometimes Haurchefant randomly said things, A’viloh hadn’t had the slightest idea how to react to. Not because he was that oblivious but simply because it puzzled him. Nonetheless the air suddenly didn’t feel that cold anymore on his face.
Haurchefant was always very kind to him. Well, he mostly was kind to everybody but sometimes he seemed to admire him especially. Him of all people, although there was nothing special about him. Haurchefant sometimes spoke of him like he was one of the greatest heroes of all time and it felt so ridiculous to him. He was just silly, cowardly A‘viloh! What had he ever achieved in his miserable life to justify such admiration? The people called him a Warrior of Light but wasn’t that some grand overstatement? Some days he thought all of this had been a horrible mistake. A great misunderstanding! Then he wondered how he had ever gotten entangled in this madness in the first place and also if he ever would get out of it again. But what else should he do with his life anyway...
While A’viloh’s brain still screeched in desperate search for a proper response, Haurchefant seemed to realise he had flustered him and glossed it over by gesturing to the gate.
“How about we walk a few yalms? There’s something you need to see!”
Still too dumbstruck to speak or to even wonder what the Elezen was talking about, A’viloh nodded and then proceeded to follow him out into the snowy landscape.
After a few minutes Haurchefant paused and took a deep breath. “Isn’t the air wonderful today?”
A’viloh followed his example, breathed deeply and let his gaze wander over the snow covered landscape with a few pines here and there and the mountains and ruins of the Steel Vigil in the distance. The air was cool and fresh, still cold enough that the warm sun couldn’t melt the snow. Instead the rays of sunshine made the scenery shine and sparkle as if everything was covered not in ice but in millions over millions of tiny diamonds.
“It is.”, he answered and smiled, surprised how beautiful this inhospitable landscape could be, before with a sudden spark of curiosity he finally asked. “Where are we going?”
“It’s not far anymore.”, Haurchefant said with a grin on his face and pointed into another direction. Shortly after and only a bit further ahead they reached a small lake.
As they got closer A‘viloh noticed that it not only was covered in a layer of snow and ice but also that quite a few off-duty soldiers, given the proximity to the camp he assumed they had to be, were standing right on top of the frozen lake. No, they were not quite standing. It looked more like they were dancing or flying maybe. More or less gracefully they moved over the lake‘s surface in fluid swift strides, some just moving in wide circles and other swirling around this way or that. A’viloh had never seen something like this and it looked strange and impossible but at the same time very beautiful to him.
The two of them had almost reached the lake by then, A’viloh a few steps ahead to get a better look at the wondrous people on the ice and he already wanted to ask how they did that, when his attention was drawn elsewhere by a curious squawking sound.
“Oh! Look at them!”, the Miqo’te exclaimed, his fascinated smile still turning a little brighter, as he gestured to a small flock of wild geese resting at the shore of the lake. With ruffled feathers they sat closely huddled together at the edge of the ice and suddenly A‘viloh couldn’t help but worry about them. They looked so unbothered by his presence, sleeping through the day and all the hubbub around them, looking all exhausted and frozen with their puffed up feathers. Like anything could happen to them and they wouldn’t even mind.
Strangely he wondered what he himself had looked like when Haurchefant had found him unconscious in the snow. He must have been a pitiful sight. Had the Elezen thought him beyond saving too, just like he himself had. What if he had found him a little later or not at all? Maybe that would have been better, a voice murmured to him just like it had so many times before and for a moment, tempted by the grief heavy on his heart once again, he almost believed it.
But no, he would be dead then and while he would have liked to imagine that this would mean he could be with his loved ones again, it was not exactly what either of the tribes he had lived with believed.
Vaguely he remembered his father working for hours, digging a grave at what used to be Wellwick Wood. An elderly woman too exhausted by their long journey, his grandmother if he remembered correctly, had died shortly after they had arrived there. With a sad smile on his face his father had explained to his children, who had stared down into the hole in the ground with confusion in their eyes, how by returning her body to the earth there could still grow new life from this death.
Or the drake tribe of the Sagolii Desert, who always burned their dead and left the ashes to be carried away by the desert wind, believing that it would make it easier for the deceased‘s aether to return to the Aetheric Sea and create something new elsewhere.
With a sudden sharp pain in his heart A’viloh realised that neither of the people he loved had gotten the burial they would have wanted for themselves. And neither had A‘viloh himself wanted to die in the coldness of Coerthas and be forever forgotten under a thick layer of snow and ice. He had thought about dying before but never had he been this close to it. For a second he wondered if this was something worth speaking to Rael about, but he wasn’t sure they wouldn’t misunderstand and get mad at him again.
“Why do you make such a sad face now?”, Haurchefant asked having noticed the smile slip from the Miqo’te’s face. But A’viloh just vehemently shook his head and focused on the geese again.
“They must be horribly cold.”, he wondered in a voice that suggested he already planned to take all of them to the safety of his comfortably warm room.
Haurchefant chuckled. “Don’t worry, they survived the storm out here after all. They keep each other warm, that’s why you‘ll rarely see one of them alone. A bit like you and your friends.”
“Maybe…”, A’viloh answered thinking about this comparison for a moment. “I just wish it wouldn’t always be me who needs to be taken care of. But as proven in Ul’dah and now once again I am simply too weak and useless to keep myself alive, not to mention anyone else.”
The Elezen’s face got a little stern as he folded his arms in front of his chest. “Don’t say that, I am sure it’s not true! This was just bad luck! You are neither weak nor useless!”
A’viloh shrugged. “But that’s how I feel right now...”
Slowly Haurchefant nodded before speaking again with a silent but determined voice. “Listen. I‘ll never forget how bravely you fought for Francel although you barely knew him. You could have gotten yourself in trouble with that and you helped him anyway.”
“It’s not like I did that on my own -”, A’viloh tried to protest but was immediately interrupted. “But you still helped! And I’m sure even without Rael you would have done so!”
Another shrug was all Haurchefant got in response, so the Elezen thought for a second before making an offer. “You want to make yourself useful, right? Get stronger? I could teach you how to fight like a real ishgardian knight, with sword and shield. Or we have some dragoons at Camp Dragonhead too! I’m sure there’s a lot you could learn from them.”
A‘viloh‘s face turned to disbelief. “I really don’t think I could fight with armor and weapons this heavy…”
“You can’t say so if you don’t try! And I have you know that dragoon armors are surprisingly light. How do you think they could still be this agile otherwise? Promise me to at least try training with them a little!”
He didn’t really want to agree to that. He knew he would make a fool of himself. But how could he say no with Haurchefant trying everything in his power to cheer him up. Weakly he shook his head and muttered: “Fine…”
“Perfect!”, Haurchefant exclaimed with a bright smile on his face. “I think an early reward for your efforts is appropriate then!”
Confused A’viloh watched him take a small bag off of his shoulders, which he hadn’t even noticed until now. For a moment the Elezen was busy undoing a knot before he opened the bag and presented to A‘viloh a set of two weirdly shaped blades attached to pieces of wood with leather straps. He had no idea what these constructs were meant to do and that was plainly visible on his face. “What’s that?”
“Ice skates of course!”, Haurchefant said as if that would explain it all but the Miqo’te‘s face remained clueless, so Haurchefant gestured to the lake behind them. “You attach them to your boots so you can walk on the ice like this!”
“Oh!”, A’viloh exclaimed as he understood what Haurchefant was planning. “I don’t think-… I mean I‘ve never-… You don’t really want me to step on that lake do you?” The idea somehow scared him.
“Why not?”, Haurchefant asked for the second time today with this smile that made the question sound like a challenge.
“It’s just a bit of ice!”, A‘vi objected. “What if it breaks?”
The Elezen shook his head and proceeded to fasten the metal blades beneath his boots. “Ah, don’t worry. The ice is thick enough, it will take at least a few more days to melt.”
“I don’t know…”, was all A’viloh replied as Haurchefant pressed another pair of skates into his hands. But the Elezen remained determined and took a few wobbly steps through the snow and onto the ice. “See! I can stand on it and it doesn’t break! You are a lot lighter than me, so why wouldn’t you be able to?”
Oh, you don’t know my bad luck!, A‘viloh thought but Haurchefant didn’t look like he would take that for an excuse. Instead he stretched out a hand towards the Miqo’te. “Come one! Believe me, this is going to be funny!”
For a second A‘viloh pondered his options. The idea of nothing but a little bit of ice between him and the water still terrified him but Haurchefant seemed so excited about this and the other people actually seemed to have fun too. Maybe he should at least pretend to try... Reluctantly he sat down on a rock and tried to put on the skates just like Haurchefant had done a moment ago.
“The clasp on the back too. Make sure none of them are loose… Yes, that looks fine!”, Haurchefant helpfully explained. As A’viloh got up, he almost flopped right back down into the snow. It was a weird feeling to balance his whole weight on only two thin pieces of metal. As he carefully took the first few steps towards the lake Haurchefant reached out for him once more. “Here! Take my hand! I don’t want you to fall…”
Hesitantly A‘vi stepped onto the ice and immediately felt like the ground was being pulled away beneath his feet. He struggled for balance, feeling himself falling backwards, so Haurchefants arm was a very welcome thing to hold on to.
With a chuckle the Elezen tried to loosen A‘vi‘s desperate grip on his arm and instead took each of his hand in one of his own before carefully making slow steps backwards pulling A‘viloh over the ice, which A’vi could swear was making suspicious crackling sounds below them. There was no way to tell the blades beneath his feet not to move, so all A’viloh could do was try not to fall and plead to Haurchefant with ears flat on his head and panic in his eyes, as he slowly was pulled further onto the lake. “No, no, no. Take me back, that’s a horrible idea!”
“Calm down. There’s nothing to be afraid of. I promise.”, Haurchefant said soothingly and continued to explain to him how to move on the ice skates. And in fact the Elezen’s calm voice slowly made A’viloh feel less anxious. His hands, frantically clasping at Haurchefant’s, relaxed along with his legs. It was still a weird feeling to be standing on the ice but now it felt a lot easier to remain balanced. He glanced at the people around them while remaining as still as possible, studied their movements for a moment and then tentatively tried to mimic the way they slowly pushed their feet above the slippery surface. To his surprise he really moved forward without much effort and also without feeling the sensation of falling again, closer to Haurchefant who had steadied him with his outstretched arms so far.
“See! It’s not that difficult.”, he said while making another step backwards so A’viloh had to follow with another step forward. The Miqo’te, strangely excited about the fact that he was actually moving on these weird ice-blades, laughed happily. “You are even going backwards!”
Haurchefants laughed. “One step after the other. Let’s teach you how to go forward first, hm? I‘ll let go off one of your hands but don’t worry, I still got you. One feet after the other just like you did before…”
In fact it almost felt easier now that he could use one of his arms to balance himself. Very slowly at first they floated above the icy surface of the lake but soon A‘viloh got braver. Once he almost lost his balance but for a comparably tall and strong person like Haurchefant it seemed like a very easy task to keep a small Miqo’te on his feet. Almost falling had felt like a shock for a second but only moments later they were laughing about it and in the end A’viloh was surprised and also a little proud how quickly he had learned and how much fun this was.
He wasn’t sure how much time they spent there on the frozen lake but at some point a bell sounded from the nearby Camp. Startled A’viloh looked up (and almost lost his balance again). “How late is it? I’m sure you have more important things to do than this! I’m sorry if I’m keeping you from doing your work.”
But Haurchefant just laughed and teased, “What could be more important than prove to you that not all of Coerthas is a deadly wasteland trying to kill you? But I think we really should return soon. I don’t want you to get cold again and after all we also don’t want Rael to find out about this little excursion, do we?”
For a second A’viloh wished the viera could see him now and wondered what their reaction would be like. The thought made him chuckle.
And as they floated, one last circle around the lake, A’viloh couldn’t help but wonder that maybe it was happy moments like this. The reason he was still here. Moments that made his life worth living.
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inspired by the poem The Reversal by Leila Chatti
#ffxiv#ff14#final fantasy xiv#final fantasy 14#ffxiv writing#ffxiv screenshots#gpose#Aviloh Tia#Haurchefant Greystone#This ended up sadder than I wanted actually XD#But at least it ends on a good note and thats worth something huh?#I read that poem while I was still writing the last story and thought it fitted A'vi's mood quite well#and that it would be sweet to make him go ice skating although he has no clue what that is and how to do it :D#Did I ever tell you A'vi is his own worst enemy sometimes? I probably did or you figured that out by yourself by now...#If he thinks he can't do something he won't even try#I like to blame that on the expectactions people had for him and which he failed repeatedly but it's probably a bit of a character flaw too#However before late HW it is probably also very easy to talk him into pretty much anything if you have the slightest bit of persuasion skil#oops thats probably a character flaw too... but in this case it is useful at last :D#A'vi will get better soon I promise!#Well obviously he will get worse first for obvious reasons but then he'll get better eventually!#Maybe... I hope... Oh boy I am seriously trying but this sad cat doesn't want to be happy D:#I think getting the Scions back will help a little and so will the happenings of Stormblood I think...#And regarding Haurchefant: I don't think I see this as particularly romantic (I mean from Haurchefant's side maybe given his character)#I should probably make a post one of these days giving some iside look on A'vi's emotions! because it's complicated! XD#he's been alive but not really living for so long now and maybe this near-death-expierence was necessary to make him think about that...#rant over! I'll make a different post another day! this already got out of hand again...#and once again I’m posting this on a Friday! i might just start calling it FanficFriday! which doesn’t mean you get something each week XD
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I saw one of your last asks about mickey and ian and i genuinely didn’t realise till now that there are fans that directly blame ian for mickey’s juvie/prison stints?? do they just not think mickey has any agency of his own or something? ian never told him to taunt kash or roofie sammi he did all that of his own accord because he was deeply in love and on an emotional hair trigger. I feel like this sounds like I think mickey deserved to be incarcerated because he clearly did not (I have similar opinions to you regarding prison abolition) but I think that fans implying ian deliberately and consciously drove mickey into these situations is insane and it feels like it’s just another reason they use to criticise him because they clearly just don’t like him that much
i don't think it's conscious on these peoples parts! (also, my info comes from reading meta i didn't like, you'd have to compare to fanfic works) i just think this is something people unintentionally imply by reacting very emotionally (understandable) to how fucked up and horrifying mickeys situation is and forgetting to take into account ian's own biases - in that ian is extremely prone to guilt as a first response to anything - when trying to evaluate how something should've gone down in plot. so i don't strictly think people are saying "i blame ian for mickeys incarceration" but moreso "i do not question ian's own explicitly clear feelings of guilt"
i've seen more people referring to ian as not being like... soft and gentle and understanding enough after the fact? which i mean that's just a personality trait i think people are easily fooled by season one ian acting so sweetie (because of his cute face and gross "soft" - more accurately, cowardly - older boyfriend) and forget that genuinely just. dropping his sympathy at mickeys feet is 1.not his style 2.something mickey would likely react extremely negatively to.
so reinforcing the idea that ian has SOMETHING to be guilty or atone for when the only person who's opinion matters doesn't gaf is just a reflection of the same harmful pattern that pushes ian to run away in the first place
ian being super gentle and supportive as a trait may be something people sort of want to convince themselves that they could or should see in him just because it's easier to understand. (similar to people who want to believe mickey is more social/actually had a close relationship with kevin or his brothers or guy #3 from episode whatever. literally always men though :/)
like, being imprisoned was going to be fucking awful no matter whether ian was visiting weekly or not. it didn't help that he was in a bad enough place to run away but the degree to which that hurt isn't the main problem. a lot of this is just people not thinking through what they're saying or how they're looking at something.
Also,
i didn't for a second think you sounded like you thought mickey deserved to be incarcerated :) it's actually a very important facet of how i apply my views on abolition to the show that mickey 100% did do the things he gets arrested for. ppl talk a lot about people incorrectly arrested or arrested for things that aren't actually a problem but to me it's super important to keep in mind that incarceration of the "guilty" still improves absolutely nothing
i've always found it odd to see anyone into shameless, who likes mickey, who doesn't pretty explicitly take on anti carceral thought. because mickey did break the law, we all saw it, and it was bad that he went to prison, we all agree on that. i hope and assume o_o
i think it's the same as the way that people will see fiona lip ian etc as very smart but limited by circumstance and forget to conclude that this is the case for most if not all people with no money / terrible family / disability. we can SEE that mickey had if not "good" then at least sad and understandable reasons for doing what he did and that prison didn't help (made things worse. naturally). but if you're not careful you treat it as an exceptional case instead of imagining this may apply to practically everyone in the prison system.
#anonymous#btw this babel's tower of guilt is why ian is better suited to be the speaker in im your man than mickey. not important#but i mean i love that fucking song. and it makes me a leetle sad to see it applied inversely to what i would do. i've seen this like 3x#oh my god it doesn't fucking matter.#i hope this isn't supes redundant i just try very hard to be clear as possible#if you look closely you can see why whenever i see posts asking people to comment on fanfiction i think like#wow you do not want to hear what i have to say.#because it's just like. this. and i understand fanfic culture is big on just straight up being supportive
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idk but saying jennifer lynn barnes sucks at writing romance because your ship wasn't canon is beyond hilarious to me like okay???? HAHHAHAHA. everyone has their own preferences of course but the vehement hatred for jlb and the belittlement of her writing on booktok and bookstagram (sometimes on here) has been ASTOUNDING.
a note about the "poorly done romance/love triangle" in tig: jlb never said it was going to be "even". no one ever said that. personally pioneering the idea that one character was "not given a chance" does not make it a poorly written love triangle or a poorly written romance. in love triangles, there is usually ALWAYS one option who is simply NOT a real option. look me in the eye and tell me characters jeremiah fisher, aspen in the selection series, gale hawthorne, adam kent, jacob black, and i'm sorry but grayson hawthorne amongst a myriad of others were actual contenders for the main character. if you believed they are/wanted them to be, that's great! but all of these characters are in well known love triangles and at the end of the day, books with love triangles WILL sell because they generate conversation and hype around the book. it is a marketing tactic and you are NEVER promised equal opportunity from both love interests. you losing the love triangle or that you believe there is wasted potential doesn't mean bad writing has occurred. also, for the love of god, while you are supposed to relate to a character, you are not the main character!! belly, america, katniss, juliette, avery, what have you, all chose based on who they are as characters. and also, female characters don't have to "experience" both love interests to make a decision. if they want to, that's totally fine, but specifically about avery bc this is what this blog is all about, she absolutely knows what she's "missing out" on with grayson and she doesn't care. shipping averygrayson just blatantly feels like ignoring avery's wants and needs.
anyway, if you want to call jlb's writing poorly done bc you didn't get your way, that's totally fine. you are entitled to your own opinion. it's just funny that you say that bc had grayson and avery been randomly thrown together in the epilogue of tfg or something, i have a feeling you wouldn't be of this opinion.
tldr; love triangles are a marketing tactic and you are neither entitled to a win nor is is poorly done/executed if you lose. love triangles, more often than not, have a clear winner from the beginning (coughcough "see? you're already his") but the debate and drama of another character sells the book.
#the inheritance games#oh god the love triangle discourse is so tiring does it not get OLD????#averyjameson#avery grambs#avery kylie grambs#jennifer lynn barnes#been a while since i went on a rant#tig#if you disagree idrc bc im not trying to convince you that you can't think something is poorly written#averygrayson#anyway! miss you guys#can't wait for the brothers hawthorne!!!!#i think she's a genius romance writer bc im rr tig and she sprinkles in these moments from the very beginning and wow#she has such a big brain#god booktok is annoying and the comments on jlb's insta posts are so??????#like imagine the amount of “how dare you not make ag endgame” comments she's gotten (by the same people every post but still) is so weird#“how are you” “what were you thinking” “it was a love triangle and grayson was the right option i'm not reading you books anymore” LOL#or “how are you not let gray be endgame/have avery/be happy” hm avery isn't a prize and gray doesn't let himself be happy hope that helps!#i thought the sad/chronically unhappy thing was y'all's brand for him but suddenly when he doesn't flip a switch and be :D y'all hate it??#him forgiving himself at the end and letting himself feel was HUGE like ?? ive digressed but tell me you dont understand him w/o telling me
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I think Boston got a happy ending. He's getting a fresh start, and everything in the finale just felt like it was setting him up to leave for America with no regrets or loose ends.
He apologized for the things he did wrong, and pointedly did not apologize for the things he didn't do wrong. He's a messy boy and I love him for that, but he absolutely did some things worth apologizing for, so I'm not mad at the fact that the show let him apologize. He did everything he could to repair his relationships with his friends, and for the most part, he did repair them. Cheum is happy to welcome him back into the group. Ray is still protective of Mew, and is always going to side with Mew over Boston when forced to choose, but he doesn't seem to harbor any hard feelings of his own. His friendship with Mew is irreparably broken, and that's kind of ok with me. It's true to life; some relationships you can repair, and some you can't. But Boston did what he could. He doesn't have to hold onto guilt or wonder what would have happened if he reached out.
The friend group dynamic was never going to go back to what it was before, because Boston was leaving the whole continent. There was always going to be a shift. We were always going to end up with all of the others getting close and having experiences together without Boston there. But he fixed things enough that they're staying in touch.
And he and Nick broke up a bit earlier than they would have. But they would have broken up anyway. That relationship always had an expiration date. Boston set it up that way on purpose (I feel like knowing it had an ending was the only way he could give himself permission to even try for the first time, but that's probably a whole other post I could make). And he got to learn about himself. He likes romance; he can fall in love. It's just that romance and sex are two completely separate things for him. And he's moving to NYC! You know he's going to find some like minded people and figure himself out further, and find fulfilling relationships that work for him, now that he knows more about his wants and needs.
And it's so much better that Nick didn't follow him to New York. I cannot see that ending well. Because once Boston and Nick both learned enough about themselves to have an open and honest conversation about what they wanted in a relationship, it was clear that they loved each other AND they wanted fundamentally different things. Somehow a clean break for a reason other than the move to America feels better. They're not holding on or trying to stretch out the end so it hurts more or longer. They loved each other. It meant something. And it ended. The end doesn't make the rest matter less.
And Boston, a Boston who learned and grew from the events in this series, is planning to be totally out in America, away from his dad. No more hiding. No more worry about black mail. He's the person taking the photos and choosing to make them public as art.
Everything about the finale just felt like it was setting Boston up for a fresh start in the best and cleanest way possible. Repairing the ties that could be part of his support system, even across continents. Cutting ties that were only going to hold him back or hurt him worse. Letting him get things off his chest, so he could leave without regrets or what-ifs. I think this episode was so good to Boston.
#i was a little disappointed he chose not to graduate#but that was his choice - his mistake to make#and he's a young adult so he's not going to stop making mistakes#but it sure is nice to see him making different mistakes. that's growth right?#and i see some people upset that boston didn't get apologies from all of his friends and i do see that as a little sad but like way more sa#for his friends than it is for Boston. Boston cleaned his shit up. He doesn't have to live with the regret#i just have seen so many posts about how the narrative hated boston or just wanted to punish him or whatever#and that just doesn't feel right at all#it feels like some people fall into this idea that happy ending = in a relationship and sad ending = single#and i'm like - were we even watching the same character if that's your idea of a happy ending for Boston? My Boston?#i've also seen some wonderfully nuanced takes on why Boston's ending is tragic#or both sad and hopeful#so this isn't a knock to everyone disappointed in boston's ending or sad for boston's character at the end#i think there's a ton of valid reads of his ending#and also at least a few bad takes on his ending lol#only friends the series#boston only friends
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one last ramble- when it comes to working with animals I'd rather work with wild animals than pets, like as a vet or something. I just don't think I'd have the heart to deal with sick pets and people grieving for them/having to put them down/etc. It's just... different when it's a wild animal. It's still sad but a different kind of sad.
#idk reading some of the notes in that one post made me feel like. these people are lacking empathy themselves#for when it comes to stuff like euthanizing a pet. thats not anthropomorphizing an animal or whatever#that's a beloved family member who is sick and dying and it's in human nature to be in denial and grief over it#accepting the death of your pet is hard. accepting the death of any loved one is hard#it doesn't make you selfish for not wanting to accept your pet is dying. it's just a natural reaction to grief and fear#to deny it and hope that it will get better#and I just know I wouldn't have the heart to tell someone that their pet is dying and they should think about euthanizing them#of course it's sad for the animal who is suffering. they don't understand human grief or death.#but it's still a two way street and in that moment both the animal and their family are suffering
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How do you become of the “big” writers in a fandom like TUA? It doesn’t seem like writing a lot gets me anywhere even if I do enjoy it
Luck. It's dumb luck.
My first advice is to not chase trying to be a "big writer". It genuinely is dumb luck. Focus on enjoying writing, enjoying/building the community around your fics/fandom, and try to not let yourself focus too much on those interaction stats. I know this is hard - we are all so addicted to that rush of dopamine and validation kudos and reblogs and comments give. We are all chasing it, it's part of why we share anything. But if you let that become your focus it sucks all the joy out of writing and then you have to take a break until you can get your head in a healthier spot about it and enjoy it again.
So, that disclaimer said, there are some things I think... help push luck in your favor, things I did to try and push community that translated to engagement. It's also about getting the right eyes on your fic, getting that one person to see and share it that starts a domino effect of more people seeing it (and maybe sharing it).
First is technical stuff. Get good at titles and summaries, summaries especially. You need people to want to click on your fic and to see what its about. I don't think I've talked about summaries before, and I'm not going to do it here outside of saying 1) Yes, I know they suck to write they're the worst and 2) that the goal of a summary is to let the reader know what to expect and to to pique their interest. It's the blurb on the back of the book when you're browsing, it's your shot to get someone to open it and give your story a try. Next, it's good you enjoy the writing process (that is the whole point!) because being technically good also helps keep people reading once they've opened your fic. People will read things they aren't necessarily interested in if it's well-written, and they will bail on things they like if it's too hard to read. But keep in mind that just being good isn't going to make you blow up in a fandom - some of the best fics I've read have had but a handful of kudos and comments on them.
The second is the social stuff. You have to find your crowd, your corner of the fandom, the people who will enjoy your fics. If you write Five but only Klaus stans are seeing your works, you're not going to go very far. Get good at tagging - on AO3 and when promo-ing on Tumblr. DO NOT take this as "put as many tags as possible so more people see it!". That's spam. Everyone hates spam. Don't be that person. Accurately tag your stuff so people know what your fic is. If it's what they want to read, they'll click on it - those are the people you are targeting, not every person in the fandom. Get comfortable self-reblogging posts when you post/update fics. If you're up for it, curate a community responding to comments on fics and encouraging asks on Tumblr (be careful with that and be ready to shut the inbox if people start being fucking weird - your mental health comes first).
After saying all that, my biggest point is to repeat that that "hitting it big" is dumb luck and fandom is fickle. TUA is in a lull between seasons right now and we all know the current struggle of artists and writers getting people to reblog things/interact further than a like/kudo. You're going to burn yourself out and stop having fun if your focus is on finding "fame" within the fandom, especially right now. I think the above stuff helped things take off for me, but I've been building my community for two years now and it was still luck at the end of the day. As you practice your writing skills, add to your library of fics, build your own community, things will get bigger organically.
#being a fic writer is a bit of a hustle if you let it#i hope this doesn't come across as me putting you down at all#but i also don't want anyone to quit writing and get discouraged if things don't take off - it's hard out here!#i also obviously chased interaction - i do the self promos and i encouraged people to come hang with me on tumblr#in my earlier author's notes especially#i think that's just human and an innate part of sharing things online - we are /sharing/ we want other people to see it!#and we want to know they enjoyed it when they saw it!#and it is genuinely a very quiet time in the fandom rn#fandom culture moves faster than it used to so people come when a season drops and then leave two weeks later for the next thing#which is sad - come stay! hang out!#outside of making your fic accessible via tagging and whatnot#finding a community i think is the biggest thing#not just for getting numbers on your fics#but just for having fun and throwing ideas around and whatnot#i found my people in the five corner of the fandom and through the Elliott's House discord#also kind of you to consider me a big writer in the fandom - i don't have a good sense for that sort of thing and where my place is#ask response#fandom#writing#long post
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#i think something broke/changed in me a few months ago#there was this person i used to role play with and they're an amazing writer their stories made me feel things no other story made me feel#and i wanted to learn from them because they're one of the bests for me but then things changed and i couldn't start learning#and... the not so nice part of it was that they'd always talk about their writing negatively no matter how much i supported and praised the#and after a while i started feeling like it doesn't even worth for me to try and write because...#if the person whose writing i love and count as like the god of ‘show not tell’ hates their own writing then it's doesn't even worth trying#because i'll never be as good as they are#i write for myself and for the people who send me propmpts so it's not like i want my stories to be good for everybody#but if someone who's native in English and writes beautifully hates their own writing then how could i who's not native and has like less#than half of their vocabulary and skills be good enough?#before that i didn't have any problems i was okay with my writing because i was happy i could write in English at all#but since then i wrote like three stories or so in months#i try not to compare myself but... this just happened by itself because i loved their writing and they didn't and... yeah. i wish in writin#sense i could go back in the past#all i wanted from writing was to make me happy. i just wanted to enjoy it.#write stories about things i love. make others who love the same thing happy#but since i've read their stories i can't look at mine the same way as i could before#now they're shit because i can't use the same words i can't discribe things the same way and i don't feel those things when reading my#newer stories that i felt when reading theirs#this... this killed everything. and it's really sad.#but i really hope they like their writing a bit more since then ❤#my useless posts
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