#I hope it's somewhat accurate

[thevampireoflace]

Servent of Evil: Middle English

You art þe kingdom's princesse, and Ic am thy loyal servitǒur

Fate devyded us twynnes, to ende in tragedie curs'd

Iwil protecte thy lif, the consequence nay matt'r 

Soe þat thou, canst keep smyleng, min deore twin suster

Hẹ̄ dideth agessedeth on þe dei wẹ̄ beoð wereth borne

Thad we’ede beoð bẹ̄st lukkīly blessed, the chirche belles aboʒe chymed 

But w'reth angrom'd the masses, nexte hǒu’d bẹ̄ in lignee?

So to stoppeþ thī̆r cries loude, wẹ̄ hadst to cwiddedenn fare wel

Al-if turne 'gainst 1 dai þe world al hol

And pointeth thī̆r sword, declaring that thou art Þaire fō

It wilte bẹ̄ alright, alweis, iwill bẹ̄ on thy syde 

And protecte thy smyle so thou can shyne

You art þe kingdom's princesse, and Ic am thy loyal servitǒur

Fate devyded us twynnes, to ende in tragedie curs'd

Iwil protecte thy lif, the consequence nay matt'r 

Soe þat thou, canst keep smyleng, min deore twin suster

 1 (ō̆n) dai, I wai-fared to thē̆r-neigh cǒntrẹ̄ to assiste

Into toun, walkinge, was a maydyn hou hadeth hēr grẹ̄ne,

Her voice was calmeth and sedill as sche singeþ  'mongeth þe rabel

Sum thing hed thurghe-fychede my herte, mākinglī hit ǒuteloude-bete instead

 

But sum thing like thad hit awurðe, is dotage at best

You begifte thy dihte, wen you ilea��etde, I com

Ney I could see it through, so an outher in stē̆de did 

Can thou me telle wherefore min teres falling ʒetten? 

You art þe kingdom's princesse, and Ic am thy loyal servitǒur

Devyded us twynnes fate, dryvyn mad bi roles wit pley

“Min Princesse, I serve you, brioche, for todai’s tea.”

And as thogh every thyng’s fyn, you had smyled ioifuli  

It seems, oure kingdom’s realte, shall sone meit it’s end

Masses umbewalteth þe palais, ʒullinge that thou must repente / thou might not but repente 

Al-if þis is punisshement for all þe hirtest thou causede

Ney Þis will ende in veyne, it’s thy lif Iwill saue

“Hey, let’s switch oure atyrynge, and for a dai change places

 While escapest away you, I’ll watch over þe palais  

It’ll be alright, ic’m thy twynne broiþer, see?

Ney hẹ̄ couldeth telleth þe difference, so gost a now and outstere!”

 Ney now thou but a stokede, and ic am þe princesse

æuez to you staiing, Iwill do so ēternā̆llī!

If it be treue thou artst a demon, drippe blọ̄d sqwage from thy hondes 

Then min as well þey cover, so Iwill die in thy steade

Whilum whilum in a kingdom by þe sē

Thou werest coronate and I became a servitǒur, agyd four-tẹ̄ne

So It seems this is an-ẹ̄̆nde,BuÞ tōdai fare wel I won'Þ saī

Bihofþe mīn preshous sibling, hǒu Ic hopæ madæ okaī

Al-if turne 'gainst 1 dai þe world al hol

(Thou walkede bihofþe thy demisæ with thy heaede magnamine helede high)

And pointeth thī̆r sword, declaring that thou art Þaire fō

(thæ bellſ ranȜ in th' distancæ buÞ thee instead smilede)

It wilte bẹ̄ alright, alweis, iwill bẹ̄ on thy syde 

(from þe rabel, Ic coulede dī nōn-ọ̄ther moræ buÞ weep)

And protecte thy smyle so thou can shyne

(you saiede mīn scrī̆t linæ as þe bladæ indọ̄n thee righÞ to sleep)

Thou werest þe kingdom's princesse, and I was thy servitǒur

Fate devyded us twynnes, to ende in tragedie cursed

Iwil protecte thy lif, was þe promisæ sin I'ede kepÞ

So I hopæ ọ̄̆ther-quār (ō̆n) dai, thou'll smyle agyn

a'd if somehow wẹ̄-self reborn, rippede neī our lyves in half

I hopæ pleie wẹ̄-self can ēne mare, a'd in þe 'sǒnne-shīn liyhe

[ultravioletbrit]

“vintage” - Jegulus microfic - @into-the-jeggyverse - 253 words

 

Regulus is standing with James in their garage looking at what is probably the saddest excuse for a car Regulus has ever seen.

“It’s old.” Regulus says.

“It’s vintage.” James counters.

“It’s ugly.” Regulus is walking around the car.

“It’s… okay, yes, it is ugly. But it won’t be when I’m done with it.” Regulus walks towards James with a skeptical look.

“I promise, it’ll be beautiful. You’ll see.” James tells him. “Please, can I keep it?” James pouts.

Regulus smiles fondly at James and wraps his arms around his waist.

“Jamie, you don’t need my permission to keep it. But I don’t understand why you don’t just want to buy a new car. You know, one that actually runs?” Regulus asks him.

“Restoring it, rebuilding it, is the whole point. It’s not just about the car, it’s about the process.” James has a glimmer in his eyes that makes him look absolutely beautiful.

“The process?” Regulus says, amused and endeared by how excited James is.

“Yes! It’ll be fun. Doesn’t it sound fun?” James runs his hand over the hood of the car and his finger tips turn black from the dust and dirt.

“It sounds dirty.” Regulus tells him.

“You don’t want to help?” James teasingly wiggles his fingers towards Regulus.

“I’ll watch.” Regulus grabs James’ wrist to avoid the dirt but uses his hold on him to pull James in for a kiss.

And Regulus quickly realizes that watching a sweaty, greasy, dirty James is, indeed, a lot of fun.

[pyr0frnzy]

Comm I did of Usopp in his Elbaf fit!!

[wren-kitchens]

1601 words

there's a patch of dirt where scott's pacing has worn away the grass entirely, but he doesn't stop- can’t stop. the hole is officially filled, bricked up to dirt with deepslate, all stalagmites gathered in a chest hidden away from the view of any- anyone who might come here. bigb was conspiring against him- that's fine, it's fine as long as he doesn’t- he can see it coming now. they won't get the jump on him, not again. out of the corner of his eye, he sees movement, and before his brain can catch up, scott has his sword pointed at the throat of a surprised looking joel. it occurs to him too late that this isn’t the way someone who was dealing well with something would react, and he sees that recognition mirrored in joel's grin.

I wasn't actually gonna post this, I just wrote it for fun after session 4, but I read it back and realised I really liked the way i'd written it HKFJD so tumblr can have it as well

this is both kind of an exploration of scott's character and also a very self indulgent thing of joel having more composure than scott for once. I can do what I want forever and I will do this

there's a patch of dirt where scott's pacing has worn away the grass entirely, but he doesn't stop- can’t stop. the hole is officially filled, bricked up to dirt with deepslate, all stalagmites gathered in a chest hidden away from the view of any- anyone who might come here. bigb was conspiring against him- that's fine, it's fine as long as he doesn’t- he can see it coming now. they won't get the jump on him, not again. 

out of the corner of his eye, he sees movement, and before his brain can catch up, scott has his sword pointed at the throat of a surprised looking joel. it occurs to him too late that this isn’t the way someone who was dealing well with something would react, and he sees that recognition mirrored in joel's grin.

"i’m just saying hi." joel says, tilting his head to the side as he pushes scott's blade away. "i’m dark green- it's not like i’m gonna do anything."

scott sighs, and he commends himself privately on how casual he makes it sound. "thought you were a zombie. what with your green streak." he frowns. "is it greener?"

"yeah, gem helped me dye it." joel looks a little too pleased with that for scott's liking. not that- he doesn’t seem suspicious or anything, it's just.. isn’t he usually insane by now? "she's got one too. we match." it'd be sweet how proud he looks, if it didn’t unnerve scott so much. 

"you’ve been getting some.. pretty strong alliances." scott sheathes his sword again, resisting the impulse to back away. "first etho, then the mounders, now gem."

joel shrugs. "well, i’ve been getting the hang of it. feels nice," he says, a smile in his voice that's too earnest to be put on. "having someone in my corner. like- safe, y’know?"

scott forces his jaw to untense. "I bet." is all he says, and joel seems to notice the phrasing.

"what, you don’t think you're safe?" he frowns, stepping to the side absentmindedly, as if he’s about to start circling him. 

"I didn't say that." scott tries for a grin. he immediately knows it was the wrong move- something like interest sparks in joel's eye, and he takes another step. 

"you did die earlier. to mumbo, of all people." he grins, arms behind his back as he begins to walk towards the pit. not that- it's filled in. scott is almost certain that it's still filled in. "honestly, i’m glad, he needed the win." he snorts. "and we've all had targets on us. last six-lifers, and everything. it's no surprise."

"what's your point?" scott folds his arms in what he hopes is a show of nonchalance. "you two died. you died to jimmy."

"oh, jimmy- he’s been doing pretty well, hasn't he?" joel smiles, and much to scott's annoyance, he seems genuinely pleased about this fact. what happened to him- the joel he knew in secret life would be raving about this fact. "killed me, and mumbo, and grian! he might not be out first this game- neither might lizzie, she's been doing well too. swindled me out of my diamonds, but-"

"why are you here, joel." scott interrupts, and joel seems surprised. 

joel shrugs, and he’s stood directly over the stupid pit. the grass hasn't even grown back yet. "i’m just checking on everyone. tango tried to get me with that stupid trap again."

he grins. "it- y’know he still hasn't added more lava? I didn’t even lose a heart!"

scott feels a sharp pain in his palm, and he realises he's been clenching his fists so hard, his fingernails dug into his skin, joel tracks the movement. "go away joel."

joel's tail sweeps across the floor, arms still behind his back, chest exposed. he’s not scared. "i’m just having a nice little chat." he takes a step forward, and scott jerks in an aborted instinct to run. "you seem a bit tense."

there's a sword in scott's hand, and joel's grin grows. "I said to leave."

"green on green action isn’t allowed." joel says, a teasing frown on his face- like he ever cared for the rules. "i've just been talking to you- did I say something?"

within an instance, scott is in joel's space, sword slicing through the air towards his neck, rules be fucking damnned- 

the sword meets only empty air, and all of a sudden joel is grinning in scott's face, gripping scott's wrist with more strength than he realised he had. 

"come on, we're all friends here." joel says, all sharp teeth and bright eyes. scott is breathing smoke. never has he wanted to bite someone's throat out before, but here he seems to be. "watchers might get cross if we aren't. i’m sure you don’t want that."

scott glares, as if he could kill joel with his mind alone. "i’m sure they'd make an exception."

joel laughs- and it's not even fucking manic, it's that stupid giggle he does when he's talking about something dumb. he’s in full control right now—of both himself and this situation. "an exception- yeah, sure, for the guy they hate, the guy who keeps breaking their rules." 

scott wrenches his wrist out of joel's grasp, backing up. joel grins, unfazed. "they haven't taken it out on me yet." scott's voice is almost gravelly with anger. 

"i’d just hate for you to get another snail." joel says cheerfully, and scott gets the impression he’d love it if that were to come to pass. there's a stab of anxiety that pierces through scott's chest at the idea of it. "never had a game like this, have we? unprecedented times." 

joel is moving again, and scott is beginning to realise that he’s doing it on purpose. he knows- he fucking noticed, because of course he did, amidst the red rage of the previous games just how much scott cares for control—and how much he’s floundering now he has a lack. 

"y’know, I reckon this is gonna be different." joel says, and it almost sounds like a threat—enough for scott's heart to rabbit against his chest. he looks thoughtful, as if whatever he’s saying has just occurred to him- but there's enough smugness in his voice to suggest that he knows exactly what he’s doing. "this game, that is. jimmy is on track to beat the curse- good on him." he adds, grinning. "i’m still on five lives, and now you just died to mumbo.." he pauses, looking scott up and down. "well, all i’m saying is that maybe you won't take me out the series this time."

there it is- the reason behind all his tormenting. admittedly, scott should have realised it sooner, but he gives himself grace; he's having a bad day. he tries for a scoff, and it seems to come across at least fairly convincing, because joel doesn't immediately start laughing again. "oh, I see." scott draws himself up, and joel raises an unimpressed eyebrow. "that's what this is about? little bit sensitive of you, joel."

"yeah, probably." joel grins, and scott feels a jolt as he realises his goading failed. that doesn’t happen all too often. "but if gem can hold a grudge, I can too." of course- gem. scott did say they'd be good for each other. he failed to recognise how fucking good—is that seriously all it took to relieve joel of his red rage?

and before scott can process it, joel pulls out a shovel and dashes the ground beneath scott's feet. the panic that floods his whole body is enough to get him mindlessly desperate- clawing like a dying animal at whatever's closest. he can't die- he won't die again, not to this, not again-

he realises with a horrible drop of his stomach and a rush of overwhelming relief that he has landed on the deepslate, and that joel is fucking giggling again. scott's breath is shallow, his heart so loud, he almost misses joel's next words.

"looks like someone else is a little sensitive." he grins, clearly over-fucking-joyed at what he’s uncovered. joel slings his shovel over his shoulder, mock-saluting in a way that makes scott want to rip his head off. "i'll see you later." he waves cheerfully as he strolls off like the fucking peacock he is, out of their gate and into the night.

-

gem looks up from what joel can only assume is trying to convince the chickens to be just that bit quieter, smiling in greeting. "where were you off to?" joel grins, a little sheepish, and gem snorts. "what did you do?"

"may have been antagonising scott. just a little." he pinches his fingers to make a point, and gem rolls her eyes.

"that team is supposed to be our ally." she stands up, brushing mud off the knees of her dungarees.

"I thought we were telling everyone to go after pearl?" joel points out, and he watches as she clearly concedes. "and don’t pretend that's about the cows, 'cause I know it's not just that."

gem grins. "no- you’re right. what's your problem with scott?"

joel huffs. "he always permakills me- almost every game. and he was all- shaken up from mumbo's kill, so." he hesitates, and gem looks at him expectantly. "he’s.. a bit more rattled than I thought he was." 

"oh, joel, did you make an enemy?" gem says. she folds her arms as if exasperated, but her expression gives her away—she's always been one for drama. 

laughing, joel nods. "yeah, I- he’s definitely gonna try to kill me now."

[artwah]

some @danielhowell and @amazingphil sketches :D

[estrellami-1]

(Modern au)

“You don’t strike me as a typical fan.”

Steve looks up from the drink he’s nursing. He has no idea what it is, doesn’t even really like it, but he at least tolerates it more than his idiot husband who got it because, “Steve. Stevie. The name. I had to.”

He blinks and shakes himself, looking at the kid talking to him. He’s young, probably twenty-five or so. About the age of Steve’s kids, he thinks fondly. “I’m sorry?”

The kid nods at his shirt in a completely Dustin move. “Corroded Coffin. Didn’t think you’d be a fan.”

Steve laughs softly, looking down at his shirt with what he’s sure is the absolute fondest look on his face. He doesn’t even care. “I’ve… learned to like it.”

The kid raised a brow. “Girlfriend?”

Steve laughed again. “Husband. I can honestly say now, though, I love the music.” He quirked his lips up. “And maybe a bit more than the music.”

The kid’s eyes widened slightly. “You gotta crush?”

Steve shrugged. “You could say that.”

“On who?”

“The guitarist, Eddie Munson?”

“Oh my god,” the kid whispered, “I know, he’s so hot.” He shook himself. “But… your husband?”

“Yep.”

“Oh. Sorry, dude.”

Steve laughed, probably louder than he should. “Why?”

“Baby,” someone to Steve’s left groaned, and Steve was grinning even as he turned to look at his husband. “I knew you’d eventually get tired of me, but c’mon, right in my face?”

Steve snorted and pulled Eddie closer with a hand on his waist. “You’re dramatic,” he informed him.

“I’ve been told it’s something you like best about me.”

“Mhm? And who told you that?”

Eddie grinned, close enough their lips were brushing as he spoke. “Might’ve been you.”

Steve rolled his eyes and leaned in the rest of the way, pressing a quick kiss to his lips. “Love you,” he said when he pulled back. “Hate the drink you chose. You’re not choosing again.”

Eddie just laughed. “Whatever you want. Who’s your friend?”

Steve snorted and turned to the kid. “I didn’t catch your name, sorry. I’m Steve, this is my husband. Eddie.”

[aghostnamedcalamity]

*Gives Benjamim a pet spider as a gift*

Enjoy kiddo :)

(I hope he likes spiders, unlike a certain someone)

Thanks, he managed to keep it hidden in a cup in his room for three days. Then it disappeared. Then….he found it again.

A visual prologue as to why Benjamin is no longer allowed an allowance because of this ordeal:

Edit: AH I’m so sorry - Maine Cathnesty belongs to @officiallyzzanimazz !

[everybodyshusband]

having thoughts about ace/arospec ghouls. but more specifically grey-ace dewdrop

sometimes he's all too happy to mess around with his partners, he'll initiate it, even. whisper one of the most toe-curling fantasies anyone's ever heard in one of his partner's ears and then gleefully enact it with them.

but sometimes sex is just... too much. even the idea of it can nauseate him, so when that feeling suddenly crashes down around him in the middle of the act?

approx, 875 words

"Rain- Rain, stop."

Rain pauses the movement of his hand inside him, and Dew could almost cry in relief. He thinks he's about to. "Dew? What's wrong?

"Red. I'm red. Just stop, please. I can't-"

Rain immediately pulls his fingers out of Dew and crawls up the pillows, next to where the little ghoul is now curled around himself. "What's going on, sundew?"

Dew just shakes his head. He feels disgusting. Violated. And he's still wet. His stupid body is still reacting to the memory of Rain's touch, secreting slick without his consent. He feels dirty. Repulsive. Made only worse by the fact that he had been enjoying it. He had liked it. That's the worst part.

He'd been close, and his body is still reacting according to that, without taking his mind's wishes into account. His cunt clenches down on nothing. He's going to cry. The tears are gathering behind his eyes and they're going to start falling and Rain will see.

Rain.

"Can I touch you, Dew?"

"Please don't." His voice shakes.

There's a pause. Rain is clearly weighing his options. "Do you... want me to get something to clean you up?"

Dew nods, it's a tiny movement.

Rain stands up, pulling a light blanket over Dew as he leaves, which Dew will be forever grateful for. The idea of being perceived right now, especially considering he's naked, is far too much for him to handle.

Rain returns not long later with a warm, damp cloth to find Dew shivering under the blanket; although Rain's fairly certain he's not shaking from the cold. "Do you want me to do it?" Rain's voice is impossible gentle.

Dew nods, albeit hesitantly. "Be careful?"

"Of course, sundew. You tell me if it's too much, okay? You can poke my arm twice if you don't want to talk."

Rain starts with his face, wiping his tears away. The warm cloth feels nice against his face. It calms him down a little, and the fact Rain is starting with his face and working his way down means Dew will have time to prepare himself for the worst part.

"Do you still want me to do it?"

Dew nods tightly.

"You're doing so well, love."

Dew digs his claws into the blanket and tells him to get it over with.

As expected, it's awful. Every swipe of the cloth against his sticky thighs brings back the viscerally unpleasant memory of Rain's touches. It's nothing against Rain, it never is. The water ghoul just happened to be the one with him when his mindset switched.

Rain murmurs soft encouragement as he works; he's probably figured out what's happening by now, and he's treating Dew as if he's breakable. Like this, he often is.

As unpleasant as the cleaning of his thighs is, he knows the worst is yet to come. Rain checks in with him one more time, waiting for Dew's stiff nod of approval before passing the cloth over his hole.

Dew whimpers, the tears beginning to fall all over again as Rain wipes the tacky fluid away as lightly as possible.

Rain pauses. "Dew? Dew, look at me, please." He waits until Dew does as he's asked. The water ghoul's figure is blurred through the curtain of his tears. "Do you need me to stop?"

Dew shakes his head. "No. No, it'll... it'll be worse later if I'm still messy. K- keep going. Please."

Rain nods and continues his work, hushing Dew reassuringly each time he shudders from a memory that makes him want to tear at his skin and disappear into the ground.

"Alright, this is going to be the worst bit, darling. But then it'll all be over. Are you ready?"

"Mhmm."

"Okay."

Dew's entire body jolts when Rain swipes over his clit, his body still reacting to Rain's touch without his permission. He sobs openly.

"Hurry up. Please."

"One more, love. One more, and them I'm done, I promise." True to his word, after the next swipe, Rain moves up until he's level with Dew's face again. "See? All done."

Now he's free from Rain's touch, Dew curls his legs up under the blanket again, wrapping it around himself so tightly that he doesn't know where he ends and the blanket begins. It's nice.

"Okay, I'm going to run a bath for you and grab some fresh clothes for afterwards, how does that sound, sundew?"

Dew nods.

Rain smiles down at him and begins to turn away (no doubt to start running a warm bath, hopefully with Dew's favourite bubble bath mixture too) but before the water ghoul can get too far away, Dew wiggles his arm out of the blanket and taps Rain's arm.

"Yes, darling?"

"Drink?" Dew's sign is shaky at best, but luckily Rain seems to understand.

"Yeah, I can get you a drink. Is water fine?"

"Yes."

"I'll do that before I get the bath started, okay?"

"Thank you."

"You're welcome, darling. You just stay there, alright?"

Dew nods and buts his head against Rain's arm affectionately, pleasantly surprised that the physical touch doesn’t make his stomach turn like he thought it might.

Rain smiles down at him again with nothing short of adoration for Dewdrop in his eyes. "I'll take care of you for the rest of the day."

[emisui]

a video discussing fashion trends among gyaru in the early 2000s

[kill-cry-die]

Luffy stimboard

🏴‍☠️ 🏴‍☠️ 🏴‍☠️

🌊 🌊 🌊

🏴‍☠️ 🏴‍☠️ 🏴‍☠️

Happy birthday @apiratefellinlovewithastar 💙💙💙

[cursezoroark]

afterthoughts

[raising-harmony]

[Pelipper Mail]

[You are gifted a hand woven wooden gift basket, placed inside are two plushes of the legendary dragons; Reshiram and Zekrom. Along with this is a small goody bag of caramelized sugar dipped pecha berries and a hand written note written in neat cursive writing, the note goes as follows:

"𝓘 𝓻𝓮𝓬𝓮𝓷𝓽𝓵𝔂 𝓬𝓱𝓮𝓬𝓴𝓮𝓭 𝓫𝓪𝓬𝓴 𝓾𝓹 𝓸𝓷 𝔂𝓸𝓾𝓻 𝓫𝓵𝓸𝓰 𝓪𝓷𝓭 𝓯𝓸𝓾𝓷𝓭 𝓸𝓾𝓽 𝓪𝓫𝓸𝓾𝓽 𝔂𝓸𝓾𝓻 𝓪𝓽𝓽𝓮𝓶𝓹𝓽𝓼 𝓽𝓸 𝓭𝓲𝓪𝓰𝓷𝓸𝓼𝓮 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝔂𝓸𝓾𝓷𝓰 𝓹𝓻𝓲𝓷𝓬𝓮 𝓪𝓷𝓭 𝓱𝓸𝔀 𝓶𝓾𝓬𝓱 𝓽𝓱𝓲𝓼 𝓼𝓽𝓻𝓮𝓼𝓼𝓮𝓭 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓹𝓸𝓸𝓻 𝓽𝓱𝓲𝓷𝓰. 𝓢𝓸 𝓘 𝓽𝓱𝓸𝓾𝓰𝓱𝓽 𝓰𝓲𝓯𝓽𝓼 𝔀𝓮𝓻𝓮 𝓲𝓷 𝓸𝓻𝓭𝓮𝓻 𝓯𝓸𝓻 𝓱𝓲𝓼 𝓫𝓻𝓪𝓿𝓮𝓻𝔂.

𝓐𝓼 𝓼𝓾𝓬𝓱, 𝓲𝓷 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓫𝓪𝓼𝓴𝓮𝓽 𝓘'𝓿𝓮 𝓰𝓲𝓯𝓽𝓮𝓭 𝓪𝓻𝓮 𝓽𝔀𝓸 𝓹𝓵𝓾𝓼𝓱𝓮𝓼 𝓸𝓯 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓭𝓻𝓪𝓰𝓸𝓷𝓼 𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝓼𝓮𝓮𝓶 𝓽𝓸 𝓵𝓲𝓴𝓮 𝓪𝓷𝓭 𝓽𝓱𝓪𝓽 𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝓱𝓲𝓷𝓽𝓮𝓭 𝓽𝓱𝓪𝓽 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓹𝓻𝓲𝓷𝓬𝓮 𝔀𝓲𝓵𝓵 𝓸𝓷𝓮 𝓭𝓪𝔂 𝓬𝓸𝓶𝓶𝓪𝓷𝓭, 𝓽𝓱𝓮𝔂 𝓪𝓻𝓮 𝓱𝓪𝓷𝓭 𝓶𝓪𝓭𝓮, 𝓸𝓯 𝓬𝓸𝓾𝓻𝓼𝓮. 𝓣𝓱𝓮 𝓸𝓷𝓮 𝓸𝓯 𝓡𝓮𝓼𝓱𝓲𝓻𝓪𝓶 𝓲𝓼 𝓪𝓬𝓽𝓾𝓪𝓵𝓵𝔂 𝓶𝓲𝓬𝓻𝓸𝔀𝓪𝓿𝓪𝓫𝓵𝓮, 𝓵𝓮𝓪𝓿𝓮 𝓲𝓽 𝓲𝓷 𝓸𝓷𝓮 𝓪𝓷𝓭 𝓲𝓽'𝓵𝓵 𝓬𝓸𝓶𝓮 𝓸𝓾𝓽 𝓽𝓸𝓪𝓼𝓽𝔂 𝓪𝓷𝓭 𝔀𝓪𝓻𝓶, 𝓿𝓮𝓻𝔂 𝓼��𝓸𝓽𝓱𝓲𝓷𝓰. 𝓐𝓼 𝓯𝓸𝓻 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓬𝓪𝓷𝓭𝓲𝓮𝓼, 𝓴𝓮𝓮𝓹 𝓽𝓱𝓮𝓶 𝓲𝓷 𝓪 𝓯𝓻𝓲𝓭𝓰𝓮 𝓾𝓷𝓽𝓲𝓵 𝓪𝓯𝓽𝓮𝓻 𝓱𝓲𝓼 𝓮𝓿𝓪𝓵𝓾𝓪𝓽𝓲𝓸𝓷 𝓪𝓷𝓭 𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝓼𝓱𝓸𝓾𝓵𝓭 𝓫𝓮 𝓯𝓲𝓷𝓮.

𝓐𝓹𝓸𝓵𝓸𝓰𝓲𝓮𝓼 𝓲𝓯 𝓽𝓱𝓮𝓻𝓮 𝓪𝓻𝓮 𝓲𝓷𝓪𝓬𝓬𝓾𝓻𝓪𝓬𝓲𝓮𝓼, 𝓘 𝓭𝓲𝓭𝓷'𝓽 𝓱𝓪𝓿𝓮 𝓶𝓪𝓷𝔂 𝓻𝓮𝓯𝓮𝓻𝓮𝓷𝓬𝓮 𝓹𝓱𝓸𝓽𝓸𝓼 𝓷𝓸𝓻 𝓭𝓻𝓪𝔀𝓲𝓷𝓰𝓼 𝓽𝓸 𝓰𝓸 𝓫𝔂 𝔀𝓱𝓲𝓵𝓼𝓽 𝓼𝓮𝔀𝓲𝓷𝓰, 𝓸𝓷𝓵𝔂 𝓰𝓸𝓸𝓭 𝓮𝓷𝓸𝓾𝓰𝓱 𝓹𝓱𝓸𝓽𝓸 𝓘 𝓱𝓪𝓭 𝔀𝓪𝓼 𝓪 𝓹𝓸𝓵𝓪𝓻𝓸𝓲𝓭 𝓹𝓱𝓸𝓽𝓸 𝓪 𝓼𝓽𝓻𝓪𝓷𝓰𝓮 𝔂𝓸𝓾𝓷𝓰 𝓵𝓪𝓭𝔂 𝓰𝓲𝓯𝓽𝓮𝓭 𝓶𝓮 𝓲𝓷 𝓼𝓸𝓶𝓮 𝓻𝓪𝓷𝓭𝓸𝓶 𝓹𝓸𝓴𝓮𝓬𝓮𝓷𝓽𝓮𝓻 𝓫𝓮𝓯𝓸𝓻𝓮 𝓭𝓲𝓼𝓪𝓹𝓹𝓮𝓪𝓻𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝓫𝓮𝓯𝓸𝓻𝓮 𝓘 𝓬𝓸𝓾𝓵𝓭 𝓺𝓾𝓮𝓼𝓽𝓲𝓸𝓷 𝓱𝓮𝓻...

𝓘'𝓶 𝓪𝔀𝓪𝓻𝓮 𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝔀𝓲𝓼𝓱𝓮𝓭 𝓯𝓸𝓻 𝓪𝓷 𝓾𝓹𝓭𝓪𝓽𝓮 𝓸𝓷 𝓶𝔂 𝓮𝓷𝓭𝓮𝓪𝓿𝓸𝓻𝓼 𝔀𝓲𝓽𝓱 𝓛𝓪𝓬𝓾𝓷𝓸𝓼𝓪 𝓣𝓸𝔀𝓷, 𝓫𝓾𝓽 𝓘'𝓭 𝓻𝓪𝓽𝓱𝓮𝓻 𝓸𝓿𝓮𝓻𝓵𝔂 𝓵𝓮𝓷𝓰𝓽𝓱 𝓽𝓱𝓲𝓼 𝓵𝓮𝓽𝓽𝓮𝓻𝓼 𝔀𝓲𝓽𝓱 𝓶𝔂... 𝓣𝓻𝓸𝓾𝓫𝓵𝓮𝓼 𝓪𝓷𝓭 𝓲𝓼𝓼𝓾𝓮𝓼, 𝓾𝓷𝓯𝓻𝓲𝓮𝓷𝓭𝓵𝔂 𝓹𝓮𝓸𝓹𝓵𝓮 𝓽𝓸 𝓸𝓾𝓽𝓼𝓲𝓭𝓮𝓻𝓼 𝓲𝓷𝓭𝓮𝓮𝓭.

𝓕𝓻𝓸𝓶 𝔂𝓸𝓾𝓻𝓼 𝓽𝓻𝓾𝓵𝔂, 𝓛𝓪𝓭𝔂 𝓔𝓾𝓻𝔂𝓷𝓸𝓶𝓮."]

This was awfully kind of you. The plush dragons are simply wonderful, not to mention surprisingly accurate to what I have seen. Your craftsmanship is impressive. I know N will love them. Perhaps he could take one with him during his doctor visit for a bit of comfort.. We shall see. Thank you.

I'm curious of your polaroid story. It sounds awfully strange.

Finally, as for Lacunosa Town, it is rather unfortunate to hear you had such difficulty. I cannot say I'm surprised by this. Nevertheless, good hearing from you, and again, we appreciate the gifts.

(for anyone having difficulty reading the font, the text has been pasted plain under the cut!)

"I recently checked back up on your blog and found out about your attempts to diagnose the young prince and how much this stressed the poor thing. So I thought gifts were in order for his bravery,

As such, in the basket I've gifted are two plushes of the dragons you seem to like and that you hinted that the prince will one day command, they are hand made, of course. The one of Reshiram is actually microwavable, leave it in one and it'll come out toasty and warm, very soothing. As for the candies, keep them in a fridge until after his evaluation and you should be fine.

Apologies if there are inaccuracies, I didn't have many reference photos nor drawings to go by whilst sewing, only good enough photo I had was a polaroid photo a strange young lady gifted me in some random pokecenter before disappearing before I could question her...

I'm aware you wished for an update on my endeavors with Lacunosa Town, but I'd rather overly length this letter with my..... Troubles and issues, unfriendly people to outsiders indeed.

From yours truly, Lady Eurynome" (?)

[lightprkdraws]

He's being a tease

[whats-9plus10]

Venture Bros Time Frame

Based on the Venture Brothers Wiki Timeline and what I could find in the show during my final rewatch before the movie. Like when I calculated Gary’s age, this is not an opinion piece. I pull straight from the source material. 

I am not starting from a specific year because we know Venture Bros references current pop culture based on the year each season was released. Various dates documented in the show fail to provide a cohesive timeline. Hence, my focus is on the time frame. I'll be keeping track by noting "Venture Bros Year _" when the series moves into the next year and by referencing years as "000(number of year)" while using dates. I suggest following along with your calendar open like I had to do while organizing this lol.

S1e11 Past Tense - Orpheus predicts that The Action Man will have a stroke in "2 years, 17 days." 

We will start pretty late into the first year, Venture Bros Year 1

S1e13 Are You There God, It's Me, Dean - Takes place in late September 0001. 

The episode features Monarch's birthday, which is around late September 0001 when, according to him, "the leaves would be orange enough..." to build his Monarch wings. 

The Monarch butterfly migration and the leaves turning can begin around late September in New Jersey. 

A Very Venture Christmas Special occurs on Christmas, December 25th, 0001, between season 1 and season 2. 

While the entire episode was a dream, it was still revealed to be Christmas time. Sally is shown to be pregnant with Rocket. This is important because it solidifies that this episode specifically took place sometime between s1e7 Ice Station Impossible and s2e5 20 Years to Midnight. 

Venture Bros Year 2 

S2e2 Hate Floats - The boys celebrate their 16th birthday.

S2e5 20 Years to Midnight - This episode takes place May 4th, 0002, "...in Rusty's 44th year." In s1e8 Mid-life Chrysalis, he states his age is 43. Rusty must have turned 44 last month on April 30th, 0002. This means a little over 7 months have passed since s1e13. Rocket was born to Sally Impossible during that time. 

This means the boys' birthday is between December 26th - May 3rd. I'm casting a wide net because, for all we know, the episodes in between could have happened just days apart from each other. They live chaotic lives. 

S2e11 ¡Viva los Muertos! - Rusty promises the boys will receive something better than their clones as Christmas gifts. 

S2e12&13 Showdown at Cremation Creek (Parts 1 and 2) - This episode spans a month between the Monarch's proposal and the wedding. 

S3e4 Home Is Where the Hate Is - The boys state that they are still 16 years old "going on 17". That phrase usually indicates a birthday is approaching, but we can't assume anything definitive. What this does tell us is that a full year has not gone by since s2e2 Hate Floats, assuming the boys didn't die again off-screen.

S3e5 The Buddy System - Billy says he is 35. Based on s2e12&13 Showdown at Cremation Creek (Parts 1 and 2), we know that he is 35 at least a month after May 4th, 0002. 

Here's where it gets tricky

S3e8 Tears of a Sea Cow - Dean's newspaper is dated May 23rd. I will explore two possibilities. 

Possibility 1

Even though I don't feel like the date on Dean's paper is strong evidence as it could be a secondhand thought made up by the animators or a reference to how each season seems to occur in the year it airs, the month of May would line up as the boys had previously told Hatred they were about to turn 17 years old four episodes prior, indicating a birthday was near. If we say we are already in Venture Bros Year 3 and believe the date in the newspaper to be May 23rd, 0003, the boys would already be 17 during this episode because we know their birthday is before May 4th. However...

S3e13 The Family That Slays Together, Stays Together Part 2 - Hank says "...open my Christmas gifts early...." referring to the clones they discovered in s2e11 ¡Viva los Muertos!. Indicating that December 25th, 0002 has not occurred yet. 

Possibility 2

What this could mean, other than an oversight, is that it was May 23rd, 0002. This would make the boys still 16 years old. And everything between s2e5 20 Years to Midnight and s3e8 Tears of a Sea Cow takes place all in one month... but that also doesn't work because s2e12&13 Showdown at Cremation Creek (Parts 1 and 2) spans about a month by itself and we see the Monarchs multiple times in various stages of their relationship throughout season 2. 

Because acknowledging the date in the newspaper would not work either way, I feel that it's safe to disregard it completely based on the current information we have. I feel more confident in trusting the writing that came directly from Doc and Jackson rather than the animation. 

S4e1 Blood of the Father, Heart of Steel - The Nazis give Rusty "8 months" to clone Hitler. During this time Hank grew out his hair, Brock got out of shape and back in shape, and Gary got dieseled. Somewhere during those 8 months, we moved on to…

Venture Bros Year 3 

S4e2 Handsome Ransom - Billy says he is 37. If Billy wasn't lying or rounding up, this means at least a year and a day have passed since s3e5 The Buddy System. The boys must be 17 at this point. 

S4e5 The Revenge Society - Documenting where this episode takes place for a later reference. 

S4e10 Pomp and Circuitry - Brock tells Hank "...you also have to be 18" to dissuade him from joining SPHINX. Confirming that two whole years have not passed since s2e2 Hate Floats.

S4e12 Everybody Comes to Hank's - Hank asks Dean "How was your summer?" hinting that they are approaching the middle to end of summer. 

S4e15 The Silent Partners -JJ is in space building Gargantua II. This is information for later reference.

S4e16 Operation: P.R.O.M. - In the commentary, Doc and Jackson use prom to symbolize the boy's unofficial 18th birthday, more specifically their ascent into adulthood. I did not take this to mean it was literally their 18th birthday. The latest their birthday can be is May 3rd and at this point, they are nearing the fall. 

S5e1 What Color Is Your Cleansuit? - Takes place the day after P.R.O.M. and spans 3 months. A Very Venture Halloween special takes place in the middle of it on October 31st, 0003. We see Gary raking leaves - Fall. Then the compound is covered in snow - Winter. The weather here is intentional to show the passage of time. It is unclear at this point if we have moved on to the next year. There is no mention of Christmas or New Year's. By the end of the episode, it could be as early as November 0003. 

At this point, we are over 2 years and at least 1 month into the series. We started in September 0001 in s1e13 Are You There God, It's Me, Dean and are now sometime past October 31st, 0003. I am keeping in mind Orpheus' prediction of "2 years and 17 days". In the commentary Doc and Jackson state that the Action Man could have considered his health since the prediction which resulted in delaying his stroke. 

S5e3 SPHINX Rising - Gary says "Hank is an adult." I took this to mean he had turned 18 at some point. While their birthday may be at the end of December because we had cast a wide net for them earlier, I will assume we’ve moved on to…

Venture Bros Year 4

Here’s where it gets tricky part 2

S5e4 Spanakopita! - This episode should take place in October. Team Venture attended the wedding of Aristotle Onassis and Jackie Kennedy which took place on October 20th, 1968. Another historical event mentioned was the Apollo 7 mission, which took place Oct 11, 1968 – Oct 22, 1968. In the flashback we see Spanakopita aligning with the Splashdown date, October 22, 1968. This is evidence that the dates are intentional. 

In this episode we see Hank in his strength suit, confirming that Spanakopita takes place after s5e1 What Color Is Your Cleansuit? and A Very Venture Halloween special. I feel it's unlikely that they intended for a full year to have passed between s5e1 What Color Is Your Cleansuit? and s5e4 Spanakopita!. I want to make this as accurate as possible so I'm going to entertain two possibilities.

Possibility 1

If we say that s5e4 Spanakopita! was not intended to take place in October specifically and it was an oversight, then I feel safe to assume the warm weather we see after s5e1 What Color Is Your Cleansuit? indicates that we've moved onto spring or summer, still in Venture Bros Year 4. 

S5e5 O.S.I. Love You - Hank’s limbs atrophied from wearing the strength suit he found in S5e3 SPHINX Rising for “weeks”. 

S5e6 Momma's Boys - Hank tells Dermott “Last year…” and references the events of s4e5 The Revenge Society which took place in Venture Bros Year 3.

S5e7 Bot Seeks Bot - This episode takes place in July 0004. We see a flashback in S7e3 Arrears in Science which took place the night before Thanksgiving, November 0004.

S5e8 The Devil's Grip - Dean says a third of his age is 6 - indicating he is probably 18. 

All This and Gargantua-2 - Monarch says Rusty “hasn’t paid his electric bill since June.” We know we are in July or August because s5e7 Bot Seeks Bot takes place in July 0004.

Season 6 starts in Venture Bros Year 4, August or September 0004 because we know Dean had applied and enrolled in the Fall Semester. The boys would be 18 years old—3 years since s1e13 Are You There God, It's Me, Dean. 

S6e1 Hostile Makeover - Hatred says he's "been waiting to do that (hit Gary) for weeks”, assuming he is referring to the last time he saw Gary in either s5e8 The Devil's Grip.

S6e4 Rapacity in Blue - Takes place on October 7th, 0004. The timestamps are in the top right corner of the security camera videos.

S6e5 Tanks for Nuthin’ - Takes place on October 8th, 0004 the morning after s6e4 Rapacity in Blue.

S7e1 The Venture Bros. & The Curse of the Haunted Problem - This episode takes place the in the days leading up to Thanksgiving, November 0004. We flashback 2 years ago to JJ discovering the Gargantua crash. This implies JJ made this discovery sometime in Venture Bros Year 2.

According to The Art and Making of the Venture Bros. - Rocket is 3 or 4 years old now.

Next, we have a clear time span thanks to s7e3 Arrears in Science. It's Thanksgiving, November 0004. 3 years and 2 months since s1e13 Are You There God, It's Me, Dean. 

Time jump to the start of the Spring Semester in s7e4 The High Cost of Loathing, which starts in Venture Bros Year 5, January 0005.

S7e4 High Cost of Loathing - There is a "two months later" time jump at the beginning of the episode.

We are still in Winter Venture Bros Year 5 as of the final episode. In total making the time span from s1e13 Are You There God, It's Me, Dean to s7e10 The Saphrax Protocol 3 years and at least 4 months.

Possibility 2 

If we do say it has been another year and s5e4 Spanakopita! takes place in Venture Bros Year 4, October 0004, which means almost everything is pushed back a year. The boys would be 18 years old. 

S5e5 O.S.I. Love You - Hank’s limbs atrophied from wearing the strength suit he found in S5e3 for “weeks”.

S5e6 Momma's Boys - Hank tells Dermott “Last year…” and references the events of s4e5 The Revenge Society which took place in Venture Bros Year 3. That would mean this episode would need to take place between October 23rd, 0004 and December 31st, 0004.

Venture Bros Year 5

S5e7 Bot Seeks Bot - This episode takes place in July 0005. We see a flashback in S7e3 Arrears in Science which took place the night before Thanksgiving, November 0005.

S5e8 The Devil's Grip - Dean says a third of his age is 6 - Dean must be 19 at this point and have rounded 6 years and 3 months down to just 6. 

All This and Gargantua-2 - Monarch says Rusty “hasn’t paid his electric bill since June.” We know we are in July or August because s5e7 Bot Seeks Bot takes place in July 0005. 

Season 6 starts in August or September 0005, because we know Dean had applied and enrolled in the Fall Semester. At this point, the boys would have to be 19 years old. - 4 years since s1e13 Are You There God, It's Me, Dean. Overshooting the 2 years and 17 days prediction by a lot.

S6e1 Hostile Makeover - Hatred says he's "been waiting to do that (hit Gary) for weeks”, assuming he is referring to the last time he saw Gary in either s5e8 The Devil's Grip.

S6e4 Rapacity in Blue - Takes place on October 7th, 0005. 

S6e5 Tanks for Nuthin’ - Takes place on October 8th, 0005 the morning after s6e4 Rapacity in Blue.

S7e1 The Venture Bros. & The Curse of the Haunted Problem - This episode takes place the in the days leading up to Thanksgiving, November 0005. We flashback 2 years ago to JJ discovering the Gargantua crash. This implies JJ made the discovery sometime in Venture Bros Year 3 before S4e15 The Silent Partners.

According to The Art and Making of the Venture Bros. - Rocket is 3 or 4 years old now.

Again, we have a clear time span thanks to s7e3 Arrears in Science. It's Thanksgiving, November 0005. 4 years and 2 months since s1e13 Are You There God, It's Me, Dean. 

Finally, we have the time jump to the start of the Spring Semester in s7e4 The High Cost of Loathing, which would start in Venture Bros Year 6, January 0006.

S7e4 High Cost of Loathing - There is a "two months later" time jump at the beginning of the episode.

We are still in Winter 0006 as of the final episode. Making the time span in this possibility, from s1e13 Are You There God, It's Me, Dean to s7e10 The Saphrax Protocol, 4 years and at least 4 months. 

NOTES AND THOUGHTS

S1e1 Dia de los Dangerous - Presumably this episode takes place on Dia los Muertos, November 1st. Monarch states that he's in Mexico to find his foster parents. Butterflies arrive in Mexico around early November. Because this happened before Orpheus' prediction, it could be plausible that there is almost a year between the first episode and s1e13 Are You There God, It's Me, Dean. It is probably just as likely that Doc and Jackson were not considering keeping to a set time frame until much later in the series.

JJ did not appear in the season 1 Christmas Special. The boys are alive. Rusty was not on his journey running away from the boys' deaths. I wonder if this means s1e13 Return to Spider-Skull Island took place after Christmas. I am also not considering the weather as a determining factor here because I remember hearing about issues with animating different backgrounds in the earlier seasons. 

If it helps, I placed the boy’s birthday on the Ides of March (March 15th) to help me keep track of things. It’s both a significant historical date and a 70’s rock band. Plus I wanted them to be Pisces :)

I also stuck the Monarch's birthday on September 30th because that's when Don became Venturion. I think it's poetic.

Doc and Jackson are phenomenal writers and I’m sure if they were to address this in the show they would find a way for it to make sense that we would all enjoy. I had a lot of fun doing this. I love digging deep into my favorite show and piecing together what I find 💛 Go Team Venture!

[atlasthecactus]

edgar sketch!!

@goodluckclove

[xyztrio721]

I read Chuggaaconroy’s statement today.

It’s a lot to process, to say the least, but… I think the best way to summarize it is that Emile did indeed fuck up. Multiple times in fact. But it seems like he was kind of a victim in his own right at places.

I don’t know if I’m going to resubscribe to him for the time being, nor do I know if I’ll add TheRunawayGuys back to my fandom list. All I will say that I feel bad for everyone mentioned in the document, as well as Emile himself. Everyone suffered in their own way, and I hope they can all heal and move on.