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punchdrunkdoc · 1 year ago

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Part 3, Chapter 4

Summary: After the events of S3, Matt Murdock is trying to once again balance life as a lawyer and a vigilante. But he’s been scarred by loss and betrayal - will a mysterious new neighbour help him heal? Or will her secrets drag him back into the darkness?

Notes: This is a slow burn romance with an original female character, told in 3 (maybe 4??) parts. There is mystery, intrigue, action/violence and angst - all the good stuff!

Also available on AO3 and Wattpad

Masterlist

Reference pics

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PART 3

Chapter 4

I’m a good person; I’m worthy of love.

Those eight words became Calina’s silent mantra. She recited them to the mirror as she brushed her teeth in the morning. She chanted them on her daily six-mile run. They were the soundtrack to her sparring matches with her sisters, and the echo she fell asleep to at night.

She hoped that if she repeated them often enough, the sentiment would start to penetrate.

And it was…maybe…starting to work.

Her guilt about Italy had definitely started to wane, at least - thanks to her talk with Katya. Somehow, the act of just voicing what she felt had helped lessen the sting of that particular emotion.

Which probably explained why so many people went to therapy.

Calina knew she’d probably benefit from a few sessions with a trained professional, but it wasn’t exactly practical in their current situation. So in the meantime, she’d continue with her mantra and try to believe the words.

I’m a good person; I’m worthy of love.

The task to bring down Volkov was also helping. She and the other Widows took shifts surveilling the footage from the cameras planted in the Jersey warehouse, and the mind-numbing hours spent watching the black and white footage provided a nice distraction from her negative thoughts.

And then, less than a week later, they got the evidence they needed.

The whole group sat around the dining room table reviewing the scenes that Viktoria had alerted them to during her turn at the monitor. They watched as lab equipment and various chemicals were delivered to the property. They watched as men in protective coveralls sterilised volumetric flasks and set up distillation kits on newly constructed worktops. And they watched as soldiers in tactical gear started patrolled the site at night.

Volkov’s operation was underway.

The mood around the table was less jubilant than expected. Even though they had the confirmation they wanted, the tangible proof of Volkov’s plan for them was sobering.The chemicals being mixed and the serum being manufactured was meant for them. Meant to control them and subjugate them and turn them back into mindless killers.

“Can you turn it off, Anya?” Katya asked. “I think we’ve seen enough.”

“Yeah,” Sofia agreed. She rubbed her brow as if the footage had given her a headache.

Viktoria spoke up next, her voice equally as dispirited. “Okay, now that we know what’s going on, what’s our next step?”

Everyone looked to Yelena. She was seated at the head of the table, twirling one of her butterfly knives, her reaction to the video evident in the way she was flicking the dangerous weapon - as if imagining Volkov on the receiving end of the blade.

“I have an idea,” she said. “But I’m not sure you’re going to like it.”

“What is it?” Calina asked.

“We wait.”

“You’re right. I don’t like it.” Inessa replied. “We have our proof. We need to raid the place and-”

“And what? Kill them all? Take them hostage?”

“Either’s fine with me.” That came from one of the newer members of the group - Sanvi. She was glaring at the paused video, her jaw clenched in anger.

“There’s too much risk,” Yelena responded. “We’ll only get one shot at this before we lose our element of surprise.”

“So what’s the plan exactly?” Katya asked. “What are we waiting for?”

“We need Volkov. We need to wait until he’s on site before we go in. If we take him down, this is all over. We’ll be free.”

“How can we be sure he’ll show up?” Sanvi asked.

“Men like him are control freaks. They can only delegate for so long before they need to see for themselves that their plan is being followed. He’ll show up - I’m sure of it. And when he does, we’ll be there.”

“We’ll need to set up a base in Jersey,” Anya added, working through the logistics.

“Yes,” Yelena replied. “We’ll need a team close-by and on-call for when the moment comes.”

“I volunteer as tribute,” Katya said, raising her hand. A few of the Widows laughed at her reference to the movie they’d watched the other night. And a few other hands went in the air as well.

Including Calina’s.

Yelena eyed her critically. “You’re not just using this as an excuse to be closer to Murdock, are you?”

Calina shook her head forcefully. “No. I want to be a part of this. I need to be a part of this.”

She couldn’t explain why she felt so strongly about joining this mission. Maybe it was her way of atoning for leaving before. She’d been content to try to build a life in New York while her sisters did the hard work of freeing other Widows. Katya may not regard that as abandonment, but Calina did. And she wanted to try to erase that bit of red from her ledger. Balance the bad with something good - like backing up her team during the last stages of their battle for freedom.

“Even if that involves killing Volkov or his men?” Yelena asked Calina. “You told me you couldn’t take the violence anymore. I need to know the people on this team have the resolve to do whatever it takes.”

Whatever it takes. Yelena’s words were an eerie echo of Calina’s thoughts from that early morning on the pier six weeks ago. Back then she’d sworn to herself that she would go to any lengths to gain her freedom and get back to Matt. That vow had been sorely tested by Italy - and she still felt there were some limits to ‘whatever’ - but they had to do this.

Volkov had to be taken down.

And if that included killing again…so be it. She would live with the consequences.

For this - for her freedom, for her sisters, and for her future - she would take on one more stain on her soul. She’d never forgive herself if she sat this mission out and someone got hurt…or worse.

“I can do it, Yelena.” Calina held the other Widow’s gaze, and let her see the determination in her eyes.

Yelena nodded. “Okay. Let’s get to work.”

The mansion became a whirlwind of activity as they put Yelena’s plan in motion. A team of nine was selected to set up the base in Jersey. Anya found a property close enough to the warehouse for them to be able to mobilise in a hurry, but far enough away to give the Widows some cover. Weapons were gathered, transport was arranged, and gear was packed.

A few hours later, Calina stood in the doorway of her bedroom, a small suitcase at her feet and a bag slung over her shoulder. She surveyed the room, now devoid of any hint of her life here. There was no book on the bedside table. No running shoes shoved under the desk, and no necklace hanging over the mirror on the vanity table.

She’d miss this room, with its rustic charm and the view of the grey, churning water of the harbour. She’d miss the sound of the seagulls and the early morning calls of the fishermen.

She’d miss it…but she hoped she’d never have to return here.

She hoped this next mission would be the last, and that this would all be over soon.

She grabbed the hoodie draped over the edge of the bed - the last of her possessions to be packed away. She brought the fabric up to her nose, breathing in deep. She’d stolen it from Matt at Christmas, wanting a tangible memento of their wonderful night together, and it still retained a hint of his scent. Instead of shoving it in her bag, she slipped the oversized sweater on and tucked her hands into the long sleeves, feeling surrounded by him again.

She would see him soon.

She hadn’t been lying to Yelena when she’d volunteered for this mission - it wasn’t just an excuse to be nearer to Matt. But it was a side benefit she was definitely going to take advantage of.

She needed to know if she could face him again. She needed to know if her mantra had worked, and she could stand to be in his presence without feeling overwhelmed by guilt and fear.

She needed to know if there was hope for them.

-------------

Bang…bang.bang. Bang…bang.bang.

Matt stumbled out of his run across the rooftops as he picked up the sound of a familiar code.

Dash…dot.dot. Dash…dot.dot.

Calina’s code. Her message to him. The beacon that had brought them together two weeks ago on the crane above the Hudson.

And now he was hearing it again. He froze and cocked his head, trying to pinpoint the faint metallic noise.

But there was just silence.

Had he hallucinated it? In his desperate desire to see her, was he imagining the sound of her call?

Bang…bang.bang. Bang…bang.bang.

He smiled as the code rang out again. Nope. Not his imagination.

She was here.

He took off running in the direction of the sound. Not near the docks this time, but further inland and to the south. He flew across the skyline of the city until he ended up on top of a luxury spa, the night air around him perfumed by aromatherapy oils and hot wax.

And the subtle fragrance of sea salt and strawberries.

Calina

She emerged from behind a large ventilation shaft and he could hear a shy smile in her voice as she greeted him. “Hi.”

Matt didn’t hesitate. There was no crane between them this time. No metal barrier to keep them apart, so he strode forward, took her in his arms and kissed her.

His intention must have been clear on his face because Calina didn’t seem surprised by his sudden embrace. She just wound her arms around his neck and returned his kiss. It was a messy, hard and passionate kiss, with all of the frustrated longing of the last couple of weeks - the last couple of months - stoking the fire of it.

Matt may have come to terms with their separation, but he still missed her with each and every moment that passed.

And now that she was back within reach, he wanted her as close as possible. He tightened his hold on her and buried his fingers in the braids of her hair and slid his thigh between hers. The contact caused Calina to moan, and Matt swallowed the sound as his own lust ratcheted up in response.

He hitched her up into his arms, and used the air vent behind her to brace her weight. Her back hit the hollow structure with a clang, but neither of them seemed to notice. Matt sank into the cradle of her thighs, and Calina tightened her legs around his waist, as they kissed and kissed and kissed, their movements as they rocked against each other frenzied and almost desperate.

It was amazing…but it still wasn’t enough to sate Matt’s desires. He wanted her naked. He wanted her in his bed again, with days to worship her body and explore every inch of her skin. He wanted her on her back, he wanted her moving over him, he wanted to spend hours between her legs, and bring her to climax a million times.

He wanted everything with her.

But all they had was this. Stolen moments in the dark, high above the city.

He tilted Calina’s head and deepened the kiss as he ground his hips against her core, unable to resist the sensation of the friction against his hardening cock. But then a harsh wail from a police siren rang out from the next block over, jolting Matt back to reality. He broke out of the kiss, breathing harshly in frustration.

This wasn’t their time. And Calina deserved better than this place - a dirty concrete rooftop exposed to the prying eyes of the neighbouring apartments.

He trailed his lips across her cheek to bury his head in his favourite spot beneath her ear. “I’m sorry,” he whispered into her neck.

“What for?” Calina answered, rubbing the exposed skin between his suit and his mask. “That was a hell of a welcome.”

Matt laughed and tilted his head back. “Hi,” he said, belatedly.

It was her turn to laugh. “Hi.”

He dropped a quick kiss on the tip of her nose and stepped away from the vent, letting her slide to her feet. Then he took her in his arms again, reluctant to let her go completely.

“How long are you here for?” he asked, dreading the answer.

She sighed. “Not long. In fact, I should probably head back.”

He looked away, trying to hide his disappointment. But she pressed her fingers to his cheek and turned his face back to her. “But I have good news,” she said. “We’re close to the end, Matt.”

“Really?”

She nodded. “We’ve set a trap for Volkov - we’re just waiting for him to walk into it.”

“That’s good,” he said, squeezing her tighter to him. “That’s really good.”

“And there’s more…,” she teased.

“I’m not sure I can take any more good news. It’s such an unfamiliar concept,” he teased. “But hit me with it.”

“The trap is…close by. So you’ll be seeing me around more often.”

“That really is good news.” He dropped a kiss on her lips, and they spent long, lazy moments exploring each other’s mouths, the world around them falling away as they basked in the luxury of being able to touch each other.

His duty to his city, the danger she was in being in New York, the possible prying eyes around them all vanished into insignificance as he held the woman he loved in his arms.

But inevitably - and all too soon - she ended the kiss and dropped her arms from around his shoulders.

“Time to go?” he guessed, catching her hand as she stepped away.

“Yeah,” she said, the single word infused with so much sadness.

Matt remembered his vow from a couple of weeks ago - to not wallow in the despair of their parting, but to cherish the moments they managed to steal together. So he smiled at her, and pressed his lips to the back of her hand. “I’ll see you around, then, sweetheart.”

His positive outlook seemed to help Calina. Her sad, downcast eyes lifted to him, and she met his smile with one of her own. “Yeah. I’ll see you around.”

With a final squeeze of her hand, Matt turned and ran towards the edge of the rooftop. As he raced across the concrete, he flung one end of his billy club across to the adjacent building, using the weapon as a grappling hook. In one flowing movement, he launched himself off the edge and swung across the gap to land on the fire escape.

“Show-off!” he heard Calina shout from behind him.

He laughed at the now-familiar tease and started leaping up the metal staircase, his senses split between concentrating on his climb…and following Calina as she travelled in the opposite direction.

She flowed across the rooftops, her movements quick and graceful. And he had to resist the overwhelming urge to track her all the way back to her new base. To find out where she was staying and what this mysterious trap was.

It went against everything that made him the man he was to let her head into danger alone. He wanted to protect her. Or, at least, be a partner in her fight.

But that’s exactly what it was - her fight.

Not his.

He had to trust that she could take care of herself. Trust that the other Widows would have her back. Trust that this would all be over soon and they would be together again.

It was a lot of trust for a man who struggled with the concept.

So he opted for a different concept - one he was much more familiar with.

Faith.

He had faith that she would come back to him - free and unharmed and ready for their life together.

--------------

“Three guesses where Calina was,” Inessa teased when Calina returned to the safe-house.

Calina just rolled her eyes and collapsed onto the soft worn couch in front of the bank of monitors. They’d converted the entire top floor of a condemned apartment building into their new base, and were watching Volkov’s warehouse 24/7 while waiting for his arrival.

The nine widows deployed to Jersey had decided to operate on a rotation system - alternating between surveillance duty, training, weapons maintenance and rest - to ensure everyone would be at peak fighting fitness when the time eventually came to engage.

Tonight Calina had decided to use her few hours of downtime to visit Matt.

And she was so glad she had.

She’d been so nervous waiting for him as she tapped out his code. As the clanging sound seemed to echo in the night air, her heart had raced with a mixture of excitement and trepidation.

What if, as soon as she locked eyes on him, all the guilt and self-loathing returned? What if they were just an impossibility now?

But she needn’t have worried. The moment Matt landed on the rooftop and strode towards her, passionate intent evident in his every step, the trepidation disappeared. Everything suddenly felt so…right.

They were not an impossibility. They were an inevitability.

She was meant to be with him. No one could ever love him more. No one could ever want him more.

As he took her in his arms and kissed the life out of her, she felt nothing but an overwhelming sense of ‘home’. For the first time in her life she truly understood the meaning of that concept.

Matt was her home. He was her safe haven, and the place she belonged.

Being with him quieted all her doubts and insecurities and fears. When he kissed her, she did feel worthy of his love. When he caressed her cheek and called her ‘sweetheart’, she knew she could make him happy. When he held her tightly against him, reluctant to let her go, she believed that all of the darkness in her soul and the misdeeds of her past could be forgiven.

Being with him wasn’t the problem - it was the answer to everything.

It was only now, an hour later, when the heady warmth of their encounter had worn off and she was once again alone with her thoughts, that those doubts started to creep back in.

Which meant only one thing: she had to spend as much time with him as she could.

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Things are finally looking up for Matt & Calina. But that can't possibly last...right?

Chapter 5

Tag list: @hollandorks @stilldreaming666 @yanna-banana @chezagnes @tearoseart-blog @acharliecoxedfan @freckledbabyyy

If you’d like to be added - let me know!

#daredevil #daredevil fic #tabula rasa #daredevil fanfic #daredevil fanfiction #matt murdock #daredevil x original female character #marvel's daredevil #matt murdock fanfic #matt murdock x oc #daredevil x ofc #matt murdock fic

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lacunafiction · 2 years ago

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Hello, I am wondering how to trigger the Friend of the Forest achievement. I have chosen (what I think is the option various times with different playthroughs but have still yet to successfully find the tree's power source for the most merciful kill. Thanks for creating such a fun and intriguing game. I really enjoy how the story changes based on your personality/stats. Also, this is the first time I've ever used this platform to do anything so pardon if this isn't asked w/ proper spoiler tags.

Hi Anon,

I'm glad you're enjoying hunting for achievements within the game.

Also, don't worry about the spoilers; I will add tags and include a 'read more' line. This particular trophy is one of the most difficult to earn.

I'm tagging @Itrizzo (yours isn't coming up; I'll message you too) and @honeylemonbutte because I think you both are seeking this achievement. 😎

Friend of the Forest

In order to earn this achievement, you must select this choice option:

#Find its power source in its chest and set that on fire. A merciful, near instant death.

There is then a stat check of Merciful being greater than or equal to 68, so Merciful >= 68. By selecting this option, you will naturally get a +3 to the merciful stat, so you will need to be at 65 or above prior to selecting this option to earn the longer scene that can be very insightful into the tree creature. It is a harder trophy and scene to uncover because I only wanted highly merciful MCs to discover it, but it's well worth trying to unlock due to what happens. 🌲

I can give you some tips on how to get Merciful up. This isn't a comprehensive guide (I've seen some MCs at 73 merciful), but it ensures you will meet the stat check if you pick these in addition to any other options that you may have already selected.

Introduction: #Forgive him (Milton). *set merciful +2

Chapter 2: Be attentive and gentle, willing to listen to her and her fears. "What is the matter? I'll listen." *set merciful +3

Chapter 3: #Decide to believe him. "Maybe we can help look?" *set merciful +2

Chapter 4: #Forgive J. "You are trying to do the right thing." *set merciful +3

Chapter 9: #Soothe them by being reassuring. "R, you tried. I know that." *set merciful +2

Chapter 10 : Any of the options to be kind to the dog and engage with her will earn a +2.

Chapter 11: #"We have to do something," you urge, wanting to spare Milton from pain. "He is young…" *set merciful +2

(You should be at +16 before the choice to select the method of kill.)

Then also select the option to mercy kill the creature for another +3!

I hope this helps! :D

If you’re enjoying your time in Fernweh, please consider leaving a review/rating on the platform you downloaded the game from during your next break from the story. It helps TFS out and encourages me! 😍💚

#fernweh saga #game mechanics #tfs achievement hints #who do queue think you are?#tfs spoilers #fernweh saga spoilers #the scene is quite a bit longer if you manage to get the mercy kill. 👀

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pr3ttym3l · 3 months ago

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blooming love <3 (onionthief fanfic! :3)

Chapter 1: The Discord Server

In the chaotic world of the internet, there are countless niches where people find their communities. For Onionthief and Y/N, their haven was a Discord server dedicated to the novel Blooming Panic. It was a vibrant corner of the web where fans of the book gathered to discuss theories, share fan art, and revel in their love for the story.

Onionthief, known in real life as Adrian, was the server’s unofficial moderator. His presence was like a well-intentioned storm—authoritative and disciplined. He believed in maintaining order and keeping discussions on track. To him, the server was a sanctuary where people could escape the chaos of life and immerse themselves in the world of Blooming Panic. His strictness was his way of showing dedication to the community he cherished.

Y/N, or Emily as she was known to her friends, stumbled into the server one evening after another exhausting day at her finance job. Her life was a whirlwind of spreadsheets and numbers, a world far removed from the fantastical realms she read about in her favorite novels. She joined the server hoping to find some respite, and what she found was a group of people who shared her passion for Blooming Panic. Emily quickly became an active member, bringing her own unique insights and creative theories to the discussions.

Chapter 2: The Clash

Adrian and Emily’s first interaction was anything but smooth. Emily had posted a theory about a subplot in Blooming Panic that Adrian, with his meticulous approach, thought was off-base. A debate ensued in the server, with Adrian arguing his point with the rigor of a scholar, while Emily defended her theory with passionate enthusiasm.

"Your theory is interesting, but it doesn’t quite fit with the timeline," Adrian said in a firm tone.

Emily replied, "I see where you’re coming from, but I think you're missing a crucial detail. If you consider the character's background, it makes perfect sense."

The debate continued, with both sides presenting their arguments. The discussion was civil but intense. For the first time, Emily felt both challenged and intrigued by someone who seemed to be her intellectual equal.

Chapter 3: The Compromise

Despite their initial clash, Emily and Adrian found themselves drawn to each other’s perspectives. They started to communicate more, not just about Blooming Panic, but about their lives outside the server. Emily learned that Adrian was a dedicated student who valued education above all else, while Adrian discovered that Emily was trapped in a job she despised, using her love for literature as an escape.

Their conversations became more personal and less about the book. They shared their dreams and frustrations, their fears and hopes. Adrian admired Emily’s passion for literature and her resilience, while Emily began to appreciate Adrian’s dedication and the principles he stood by.

One day, Adrian opened up about how his strict approach to life stemmed from his desire to ensure a better future for himself and those he cared about. Emily, in turn, shared her struggles with her finance job and how it drained her creative spirit.

Chapter 4: The Connection

Over time, their relationship evolved from a series of debates to something deeper. They found themselves looking forward to their conversations, feeling a connection that went beyond their shared love for Blooming Panic. They started meeting in person, finding a delicate balance between Adrian’s structured nature and Emily’s spontaneous spirit.

Adrian introduced Emily to his world of academic rigor, helping her understand the value of discipline in achieving one's goals. Emily, in turn, showed Adrian how to embrace the unpredictability of life, encouraging him to take breaks and enjoy the little things.

Chapter 5: The Blooming Love

Their love story mirrored the unfolding drama in Blooming Panic. Just as the novel’s characters faced challenges and grew through their experiences, Adrian and Emily navigated their differences and found strength in their union.

Adrian’s strictness softened as he learned to appreciate the unpredictability and beauty in Emily’s world. Emily, in turn, discovered a newfound respect for structure and discipline, finding a way to integrate it into her own life without losing her love for literature.

Their love was a testament to the power of compromise and understanding. They taught each other that while differences might seem like obstacles, they can also be the foundation of a stronger, more meaningful connection.

Epilogue: A New Chapter

Years later, Adrian and Emily still frequented the Discord server, now as a couple deeply in love. They continued to discuss Blooming Panic and their lives, finding joy in the community that had brought them together.

Adrian had found a balance between his academic pursuits and his personal life, while Emily had transformed her passion for literature into a career. They both cherished their shared journey, knowing that their love had blossomed from a disagreement into a lifelong partnership.

Their story was a reminder that love can be found in the most unexpected places, and sometimes, the most unlikely people can come together to create something truly beautiful.

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afreakingdork · 1 year ago

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MWOAMSISNWISMFIDNADINEISQNDJDNSKSNSIDNDIWLFOWUANRISNWOFNWHW8SNWHDUSWNDUWJWOSIWIENFID MISS DORKKKK NWISJAIDNWISQKSISJDUDUSNSIDJDNZJSNSKSIDNDNEIESUIASKSJWBWJSISKROWODUFNEKSKSIW

THIS CHAPTER OMG

THIS

CHAPTER

LOTS OF STUFF

FIRST OF ALL- No to be unfaithful to my purple husband but the way you wrote leo? BARK BARK BARK annoying piece of shit i love him so much

2. YEAH READER'S GOT A GLIMPSE OF DONNIE'S LIFE WE LEARNED SO MUCH ABOUT HIM IM SO HAPPY

3. THE DESIGNS!!! SCARSSS SO HOT SO HOT SO HOT

4. THE SCENE WITH MIKEY WAS AMAZING HES SUCH A GOODIE

BUT IT DOESNT MATTER, THEY ARE ANTAGONIZING OUR HUSBAND.

5. I love reader immediately deciding, even if they said stuff that made donnie look pretty sus, TOO SUS, that those turtles are her foes. Honestly same. I support Donnies crimes.

6. WHAT HAPPENED BETEEEN THE BROTHERS??????? GIVE ME THE TEAAAAAAA.

I wonder where April is.

7. reader has balls, i love her so much

8. AWWWWWWWWW READER MADE A NEW FRIEND

I imagine the bracelet it's like Jarvis.

I ALREADY LOVE IT AND IM SO INTRIGUED ABOUT THIS

WHY IS IT SO DESPERATE TO NOT BE RETURNED TO DONNIE

BUT AT THE SAME TIME IT WORRIES ABOUT HIM?

9. OMG THE DOCTOR I LOVE HER, i love her interactions with Donnie

She' s kinda sweet to reader, i wanna hug her

"Give him hell until he apologizes" protective grandma vibes

10. There was some new words I learned this chapter and i could picture every scene, it was so fun. I think this might be my favorite until now. So much drama ✨✨✨✨ ALSO GURL YOU WRITE SO FAST, THATS AMAZING

Sorry for the long asks its just that

Woah

Loves every new concept you introduced to us and had to talk about it. I wanna tattoo this chapter on my thight.

I should go to sleep, it's 4 am now and i wake up at 7 ;-;

TOTALLY WORTH IT TOUGHT, HOPE YOU HAVE A GOOD WEEK XOXO

Haha there is a sharp line drawn in the sand of people who are like 'YES LEO' and the Donnie Protection Squad. I love all of you equally!

I dun sliced them boy's up good... (me? I mean Don-)

Reader is ride or die! Someone messing with their man? Square up! They fought that sandwich shop's emloyees! They were ready to punch someone on the subway. They're ready! 💪

The tea has to brew! i will serve it when it is ready ✨

April, huh? 👀

Little buddy (the bracelet, placeholder name) is so dear to me! I'm glad everyone likes him!

I'm just writing with my hyperfixiation! It's the best! Thank you so much for enjoying and never apologize for long asks! It just means more of a treat for me~ Hope you got some sleep and thanks for reading as always!

#ask

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lairn · 2 years ago

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Book 5/24: The Blade Itself by Joe Abercrombie Rating: 3.5/5

Maybe a year or two ago someone told me this trilogy was good, and I finally tried the first novel. I’m not quite sure how to feel about it. I liked it, and I didn’t.

First, the good: Abercrombie follows many characters through 500 pages, and they each have a distinct tone. Reading just the first sentence of a chapter, it is easy to determine which point of view you are following. Characters always seem well grounded in their depictions. At times, the characters are wryly funny and towards the latter half of the book I think Abercrombie started generally writing with a little more humor. He also writes poetic but appropriate similes that I enjoy. The political intrigue, where present, is entertaining. In general, the mystery compels me.

The questionable: Abercrombie follows many characters through 500 pages. The time spent on each character is far from equal, and some characters are introduced late and deprived development. By the end of the novel, all the characters are connected, but their disjointed starts are not well balanced. The story is almost entirely setting the board for the next books in the trilogy, so the pace is slow, and again characters are deprived development. I suspect Abercrombie wants something big to happen to Jezal in the next book, so for the entire length of this one, Jezal must wait for one fencing duel. He does fall in love, but that brings me to another concern.

The women are nearly voiceless in this novel. Every man (and the one woman whose thoughts we are privy to) thinks very little of women. They are weak or vapid or useless, and to be likened to a women is insulting. Abercrombie depicts at least 3 or 4 cultures, so a little variety in this disdain would have been appreciated. In general, the politics of the writing are on shaky ground. Regions are very firmly ethnically divided, with nearly everyone’s home country readable by just their appearance, and the literal center of the world being a country full of white people. And vitriol against fatness is prevalent.

All that said, I will probably continue reading. I believe this is Abercrombie’s first book, and I could see the balancing issues improving greatly now that all this setup is done. Currently, my favorite parts are the political intrigue, which I hope will continue, and I suspect some of the characters besides Glokta will finally get to take more action. And I think the women have the potential for growth. On the politics behind the writing, we will see.

#the blade itself #joe abercrombie #reading challenge 2023 #frankly the blurbs in the book puzzle me more than anything #they talk about it being bloody and relentless or twisted and evil and all i can think is #'have these reviewers ever watched a single prestige television show?'#not to say there isn't some grit and grime #but that seems to be what all the reviewers are enamored with

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semperintrepida · 1 year ago

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1 (mainly how's progress and what do you love most about it), 4, 21, 23?

Also, for 18 you said "There's a version of that story that doesn't skip the five months between chapter 1 and 2."

Is there any way you would ever post your draft of that version? That's incredibly intriguing and I would love to read it.

Finally, you said "There's also a version with an Isu component that became a darling that I absolutely had to kill."

Could you elaborate? That sounds super interesting.

Hey there, @triyal!

1．Tell us about your current project(s) – what’s it about, how’s progress, what do you love most about it?

If you've been following me for any length of time, you know what my current obsession project's all about. I'm still working on second-pass edits for the last handful of chapters in the book, while simultaneously doing final polish edits on chapters before posting them. (We're up to chapter 20 of 39!)

I'm really hoping to get second-pass edits wrapped up so I can start working on something else.

What I've loved about this book is the fucking audacity of it: the subject matter, the choice of POV/tense, Kyra as my POV character, the ambitions I have for the narrative. This is a work that the publishing industry would call "a challenging book to sell." It's certainly been a challenge to write.

(I'm also irrationally proud of the ending.)

4. Share a sentence or paragraph from your writing that you’re really proud of (explain why, if you like)

I was joking with someone in a side chat that I've written too many bangers in "The Breaking" for me to choose just one, and I probably deserved their response that it's a wonder my head can still fit through a doorway...

So I'll pick this line from "And the Currents Collide":

Kassandra arrived at the Altar of Artemis under night-shrouded skies that had just begun to soften with the pale light of dissolving stars.

A lot of assonance and consonance in that sentence—the initial run of a sounds giving way to all those s'es—along with an intriguing image of "dissolving stars."

21. What other medium do you think your story would work well as? (film, webcomic, animated series?)

Parts of "The Breaking" might make an interesting stage play. Hear me out: there's not a whole lot of action and the meaty parts of the book are mostly dialogue between two leads. It could work!

23. What’s the story idea you’ve had in your head for the longest?

I've wanted to tell a rip-roarin' redemption story since I watched Xena on broadcast TV in the 90s. My teenage self envisioned it as a Xena fic of course, but that trope was already so so overdone and besides, teenage me couldn't write her way out of a paper bag. (I also had zero life experience so my fiction would have had the emotional complexity of a turnip.)

So I set the idea aside.

Twenty years later, AC Odyssey drops the perfect redemptive protagonist into my lap: deimos!Kassandra, along with an equally compelling romantic possibility in Kyra. I've also had twenty years of Doing and Seeing Some Shit and have somehow learned to write.

So here's hoping this book resonates a little better than a turnip!

Extra bonus asks:

I answered similar questions over here. Very unlikely we'll ever see Deimos doing unforgivable deeds, but the Isu thing is a real possibility...

[Fun meta asks for writers]

#i'm glad you asked #triyal #ask meme #wip: kyklos #wip: irredeemable

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libraryofnika · 5 months ago

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⊹ 𝙱𝚞𝚝𝚌𝚑𝚎𝚛 & 𝙱𝚕𝚊𝚌𝚔𝚋𝚒𝚛𝚍 (𝚃𝚑𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚒𝚗𝚘𝚞𝚜 𝙻𝚘𝚟𝚎 𝚃𝚛𝚒𝚕𝚘𝚐𝚢 #𝟷) 𝚋𝚢 𝙱𝚛𝚢𝚗𝚗𝚎 𝚆𝚎𝚊𝚟𝚎𝚛 ⊹˙⋆

Book Review ❤

I will be thanking @babs_reviews for commenting 𝙱𝚞𝚝𝚌𝚑𝚎𝚛 & 𝙱𝚕𝚊𝚌𝚔𝚋𝚒𝚛𝚍 on one of my posts because if she had not, I wouldn't be reminded about this book on my tbr for a while now 😆

That's to say, I finally read some books that's I've been holding on reading.

I also now understand the 'cookies and cream ice cream' horror that @kindleandkettle informed me 😆— THAT'S THE ONLY THING I'M REPULSED ABOUT other than the psychotic bad guys Sloane and Rowan ended 🙈 With that being said, I definitely need to check out more from this author aside from this series 🤚🏽

I've also included some of the many notes and highlights I did while reading, so check them out if you want as well (3rd and 4th photo) 🫶

Anyway, I do hope you are having a good day and manifesting that you will love/ like your current and next reads ♥️

𝙳𝚊𝚝𝚎 𝚁𝚎𝚊𝚍 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚁𝚎𝚟𝚒𝚎𝚠𝚎𝚍: July 13, 2024 𝚁𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚜: 4⭐️ I had so many laughs and giggles while reading this novel. I'm now quite regretting not reading this away and keeping on putting it off every time I thought of reading it before. But now, I read it, finished it, and enjoyed it so much 🤚🏽 The writing is definitely the major aspect I enjoyed in this story. It was just that engaging and entertaining for me. There weren't any dull or boring parts at all. The couple— Sloane and Rowan, were wonderful and unhinged. I love them 🫶. I also liked that we get to see some backstories of their character. I also would like to mention the smutty 🌶🌶🌶 chapters: it was very freaky of them, well suited for their characters. I also had so much fun with Sloane and Rowan's 'hunt' or their 'competition'. I liked how the story went into detail with it. It was gory, especially the 'cookies and cream' — I drew a line on this one. Also, THAT GUY THAT IS CONNECTED WITH THE COOKIES AND CREAM ICE CREAM, I was right about that 🤚🏽. He was definitely suspicious, his parts towards the ending— I wish it was more drawn out. The side characters were also equally captivating, I can't wait for Lachlan and Lark's story. I'll definitely be reading it the soonest. I'm also quite intrigued by the epilogue? I have theories about it, I'll just see if I'm right in the next instalment. TW: murder, gory, body horror, blood, cannibalism

Bookstagram Booktwitter Goodreads

#brynneweaverbooks #butcherandblackbird #theruinouslove #brynneweaver #bookreview #darkromance #horror #jlreadsreviews #bookaesthetic #bookish #bookedits #bibliophile #bookdragon #bookfeature #bookrecommendations #booklr #book blog #booksbooksbooks

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sous-le-signe-de-la-lune · 2 years ago

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APRIL WRAP UP ☆

Season's Change by Cait Nary

3.5 ☆

I follow a few people who have read the book, and I was intrigued. It was a quick read, a little bit angsty but also soft at the same time. - loved the focus on mental health and support net, i think it was well done because the support they received came from family, friends (old and new), therapists and their coach. - it was also great to see the importance of friendship and trust as their relationship evolved. I don't have the words yet to explain their dynamic, but i think it was one of the best aspect of the book - Benji took the time to figure out his sexuality and it was very drama free, i loved that, for him it was more "hey fun fact i'm bi" and it was interesting. - on another hand i feel like the ending was rushed, i think it could have benefited from another chapter to see them discuss what happened - i could not for the life of me understand their careers and their teammates names because all the information happened so fast. It didn't take away from my enjoyment of the book, but sometimes it was confusing

Heart Haunt Havoc by Freydis Moon

3.5 ☆

HEART, HAUNT, HAVOC is full of the long-lasting grief that can haunt your heart and your house, but it's also a soft story about two lost persons who find a common goal and maybe more. It's a well crafted short story with two mysterious main characters whose past weight on them. But slowly, they reveal themselves. t4t romance mean everything to me and I liked Colin and Bishop together but because everything happened so fast, I wasn't that into their romance (or the story tbh) but I hope they will be more developed in the next book. I'm also very interested in Colin's backstory with the Church and his powers. I don't agree with people who said Colin and Bishop's transidentity were not discussed in the book, I think it was still very present while not being the main focus of the story. It's a part of them but they're much more than that and that's what the narrative shows us. Speaking of the narrative, I wonder if Colin / Lincoln were names chosen to represent the duality of what someone could become, especially someone closed to Bishop. That, and the title were a clever aspect of the book.

Save the Date by Morgan Matson

4 ☆

SAVE THE DATE was as fun as I expected, even if I struggled to get into the story at first, I couldn't put it down because the chaos was that entertaining. But it was sometimes overwhelming because a lot is going on at the same time (and if anything like that were to happen to me I wouldn't react like them).

i loved that it isn't a romance (but there is a romance subplot) because the focus of the story is on the Grant family and the dynamics between the siblings. i wanted to know more about them, especially Mike but it makes sense that we don't know everything because the book is told through Charlie's pov, and she is blindsided by the love that she has for her family. Which was an interesting part of her growth as a character, because she learned to be more equal to her siblings, and she also learned to call them out when needed. I also liked that Rodney, their future brother-in-law has been part of the family for years and they have a lot of inside jokes and traditions with him. And as always, the easter eggs were nice

my goodreads

#mine #wrap up #book wrap up #monthly wrap up #books #season's change #cait nary #heart haunt havoc #freydis moon #save the date #morgan matson #goodreads challenge #book review

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note-boom · 1 year ago

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Pt. 2/2 of my list....

Approval (2465 words) by Serena_Nymph (platonic Shin Soukoku, awkward getting to know each other conversations, interesting character analysis on the two)

All Men Are Flawless (535 words) by MiniNephthys (Oda Lives AU, exploration of his ability under All Men Are Equal)

Nip and Tuck (1094 words) by Haurvatat (Atsushi is a cat, the ADA needs to understand this for sure...for science, of course)

The Naming of Cats (10358 words) by cyan96 (ADA!Chuuya where he finds Atsushi and is Kunikida's partner, 4 chapters)

Train Conversations (4266 words) by karmicMayhem (don't eavsdrop because you'll hear bad things about yourself does not count when you are Dazai, (very lightly) implied soukoku ship)

Dull Eyes, Transparent Smile (2495 words) by radiashen (Atsushi sees ghosts, fluff and angst as the ADA finds out)

secrets resist always the act of telling (500 words) by MiniNephthys (another Atsu sees ghosts, more Dazai-centric though)

bloodstains on my hands (750 words) by Seito (slightly darker Atsushi, slight canon divergence of one scene, it's actually pretty funny in a dark way)

A simple Dish (4064 words) by Scarlet_Nin (Dazai takes care of sick Kyouka, it's actually a really nice read)

Case #0161220 (1390 words) by kyo_kitai_san (Magnus Archive crossover, it honestly made me laugh for reasons I hope you'll see, but for slight spoilers....cryptid Akutagawa)

To learn something normal (1215 words) by Misila (Kunikida teaches Kyouka maths, enough said)

Birdsong (3864 words) by TheGreatCatsby (this isn't a fic for characterisation, it's a fic for the mythical aesthetic that happens to use bsd character names)

making our way towards the credits (2674 words) by iicaru2 (save atsushi, based of the wan episode where they body sway, pure crack)

Grey Area (2427 words) by fanficloverme96 (Tanizaki character exploration/theorising via Dazai's PoV, kind of intriguing though idk if it will be accurate)

but we can let the light illuminate these hopeless places (2226 words) by radiashen (note that most of the oda fics i post will probably be self-indulgent/possibly ooc, anyway Oda lives and Buraiha friendship exploration on his birthday)

home (where my thoughts escape me) (1675 words) by advanced_fanatic (modern no abilities au, dad!fukuzawa adopting several traumatised kids, it's a whole series which is very fun to read but this is my favourite as i sometimes got thrown off by some of the non-japanese things thrown into the fic, very good writing and story beats though)

Our saving grace (1513 words) by rchimedes (how to traumatise the newbie to the agency Kunikida with Thou Shalt Not Die, honestly really nice exploration of possible shenanigans that happened with the adults pre-Dazai)

Fukuzawa and Kyouka Hang Out (2006 words) by Paris (literally what the title says, I love them so much dfhiserewoierjwe)

the blood on both our hands (1142 words) by odadsaku (another granddad Fukuzawa and granddaughter Kyouka, nightmare angst involved)

Late Night Bonding (1515 words) by hypermoyashi (Atsushi has a nightmare, Ranpo and Atsushi bonding)

Alone Time (1557 words) by TheGreatCatsby (Souheki bonding, Ranpo giving Dazai advice about loss and friendship)

Lost and Found (2560 words) by chiffonades (Fukuzawa and Ranpo fic before the other ADA members joined, don't remember much just that it was sweet and dad Fukuzawa)

How to show Affection - A Guide by Beast beneath the Moonlight (1833 words) by ImPanDuh (Atsushi is a tiger and wants to show people he loves them, adorable and funny)

forgiveness (like my reflection in the water) (10638 words) by silencvial (BEAST!Atsushi and canon!Atsushi sudden swap, 2 chapters, unfinished, still worth reading cause the concept is SO GENIUS)

not so bad (1417 words) by spicygrass (Kunikida and Higuchi friendship, you don't understand how much I want this, the author's other works are also amazing if you're into kunikidazai, does have a different flavour of speaking voices that I enjoy but might be odd for some to get used to)

By any other name (8145 words) by CatFiends (Oda reincarnation AU, Dazai coping, some memory shenanigans, slightly bittersweet but more towards sweet)

Beats Under the Sunlight by justapoorboy (a series of 3 one-shots featuring confident Atsushi who joined the ADA earlier, just a fascinating character-exploration AU to me)

Traded Loyalties (9029 words) by eldritch_snailien (5 chapters, Fukuzawa and Mori switch agencies one day and people just gotta deal, both very funny and kinda sweet and absolute chaos, i think there's implied or queerplatonic Zenki Soukoku)

stuck with you (2367 words) by Oxalisalis (crackfick, all that happens is soukoku gets superglued to each other, 100% platonic soukoku btw which i love)

Breaking Conviction (7304 words) by Raven_Rein (Dazai-centric fic, it's just a really interesting exploration of his relationships with people throughout the years and i love the build)

Carry On Rowing (4058 words) by thecrazychatlady (Kunikida birthday fic, the agency loves him (even Dazai, even if he's annoying about it), just show this man some more love)

tellings of tight ends (and of loose beginnings) (3033 words) by utopio_sphere (fjieosjaer the way i LAUGHED at this summary, but yeah Atsushi doesn't join the ADA even after Dazai's manipulation and it's kind of amazing to me personally)

a suicidal maniac (and the ghost who haunts him) (2036 words) by utopio_sphere (Atsushi is a ghost, it could be angsty but why do that when you could make if fluffy/funny instead? mostly Dazai and Atsushi centric)

At Least I Have Nothing (1829 words) by wondernoise (pain honestly, but also an interesting theory/look into Fukuzawa's ability, i am increasingly impressed by the bsd fandom's ability to do research and translate that research into the bsd universe)

Words from a butterfly (4701 words) by blubbly (so far the only Tachihara and Yosano conversation fic I've seen, i think it might have felt stilted at times but the author wrote it really well)

comfort (586 words) by TheGreatCatsby (Kyouka and Atsushi are siblings real...)

there is an art to medicine (2372 words) by TheGreatCatsby (in my defence i also used to be (still am) in the phandom (danny phantom fandom), so uh...gore, violence, yosano studying chuuya like an interesting frog (with consent though))

pour me a cup of love and sugar (1447 words) by Seito (this is a little sad given the implications but also just hilarious, Ranpo's not in the ADA but the ADA still exists, hilarity happens)

organized chaos (1419 words) by Seito (don't look for this for canon characterisation, just pure crack that features an AU but of personalities, it's hilarious)

Sing of a Sorrow Olden (6206 words) by Quinntessentially (as the tags say, it's basically just the ADA doing detective work, and i found it really interesting just for that)

common ground (812 words) by lostdandelion (Sigma and Dazai bond over Atsushi, let's have some Atsushi appreciation yes)

Life After Death (2968 words) by Magical_Bucket (well, uh...shin soukoku dies and oda takes care of them in the afterlife, don't remember much but that it was good)

Story between (713 words) by WriteAFanfictionOfMe (BIG Omniscient Reader's Viewpoint spoilers by the way (for the epilogues, in fact), but uh....ORV and BSD crossover and i just need to be self-indulgent sometimes)

warm whiskey (1901 words) by planet_B612 (Dazai + Ango meet and talk about Oda and their own friendship, bittersweet)

I am...so sorry to the OP who is forever associated with this unhinged gen fic rec list

(abt ur tags on that fic rec list post) I'd love to know more gen bsd fics!!! if u don't mind pls make a list of them

OP, I hope you understand that you have unleashed a monster considering how many BSD fics I consumed. But that said, I'll try to keep it short and strictly gen for this ask, then just reblog with the rest (some do have implied ships, though). Most of them are just fluff and one-shots. And I haven't really read much fanfic recently, so most of these are my bookmarks from before I even really got into this blog and my memory on them might be shaky; generally, I either liked them because good writing, good characterization, good analysis, and/or it was just too funny/too interesting to not bookmark. Some might have Americanisms/Westernisms of things that probably don't really happen in Japan (probably?) and some might have slight character assassinations, but I don't think anything should be too gratuitously unforgivable. Also, all opinions are my own and do not reflect on either the writing or the author's original intent.

So under the cut are my absolute favourite of favourites.

Morning Light (18021 words) by FallenBrie (time loop, Atsushi character exploration, ADA!found family)

O expectations, stale and dismal airs, leave this body of mine! (20976 words) by aptlydapper (3 chapters, still my all-time favourite bsd fanfic for the writing and the concept and its execution, Chuuya joins the ADA basically but so much more than that to me)

Conundrum (23921 words) by AdmiralTDeVanto (hi, I love this AU so much, role-reversal where aku and atsu are the older figures and dazai and chuuya are the younger ones, some other au roleswaps happen but that's a surprise)

circle of praise (1898 words) by Oxalisalis (have a few by this author (love their works so much, they have some great BEAST things), basically compliment assault, ADA family, sweet and funny)

The Scent of Milk Tea (1343 words) by Sternstunde (Atsushi and Chuuya are housemates, neither is aware of the other's job, please let them meet in canon, 2 chapters and unfinished)

Reason To Live (1746 words) by Allwalkfree (time travel fic with a take on akutagawa's future character arc that left me DEAD, just...him being better than the people he was taught by okay? and him having a clearer picture of the stuff he went through etc)

hell is empty (all the devils are here) (1065 words) by Origamidragons (legit one of my FAVOURITE Gin character explorations, shoutout to the use of her character's irl short story)

in the end, you write your verse (6858 words) by Origamidragons (ADA and PM role swap and it's honestly SO GOOD that I desperately wish there was more of this (in a this fic is INCREDIBLE way, that is))

In The Choice, There's Peace (2561 words) by treetrunkdaddy (chill vibes, fic that explores Atsushi's character so nicely to me through how he copes with anger)

Mark of a Teacher (527 words) by Seito (Kunikida has been framed as a terrorist apparently and his students see the news headlines, it's hilarious and just fun)

A Study From Stripes (teach me to be loved again) (29684 words) by MidnighttWriter (beloved fic with beloved writing, Atsushi trauma exploration, might feel a little dark or emotional for bsd (in a different way, since BSD doesnt exactly shy away from being emotional or dark) but honestly beloved and SUCH a fascinating Atsushi character study to me)

would you believe me if i said i was blinded by the light? (1203 words) by elijay (half-blind Dazai real to me, but no its a really neat headcanon and that's all the fic is, which is all i wanted)

good bones (838 words) by Quintessence (I LOVE THIS SO MUCH, another Atsushi has a lot of trauma and the agency is flabbergasted)

5 Times Dazai Didn’t Understand Math And The 1 Time Kunikida Tried To Do Something About It (3746 words) by zededs (math is difficult, so is Dazai, Kunikida is stressed out, just a funny story)

how to get away with murder (10000 words) by magdalenes (11 chapters and unfinished, but it's SO SO good, the author is setting up the mystery so well, and it's basically just....detectives doing detective work but possibly also avoiding other detectives, more plotty than charactery)

what is a name (640 words) by Seito (guys, seriously, read this, im serious it has SUCH a good theory and the IMPLICATIONS of this to the larger bsd story????)

a secret for a secret (2302 words) by Oxalisalis (another of my FAVOURITE Gin fics, this author DELIVERED so well on their characterisation, slight canon divergence but perhaps not?)

But yeah. Because I somehow ended up opening over 130 tabs (that was after narrowing things down. i am so normal about BSD) for this ask, I'll just....reblog with more for those who are interested in gen fics. (It's why it took me a while, apologies.)

#bsd fanfic #bsd #note's nonsense #also if any of you do manage to wade through this list and want to talk about one of the fics with me PLEASE DO #like...so many takes on characters!!#and so many THINGS #its amazing you guys!#people have so many good ideas and ARGH THE FRIENDSHIPS DRIVE ME INSANE #but uh...i might take a while to respond jsyk

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greensaplinggrace · 3 years ago

Note

do you have any darklina fic recs?

I certainly have a few! But first I want to clarify that I don’t really read fic when I’m writing it, and since I have so many fics in the works right now, I haven’t really been reading a lot of fanfiction. So this list probably won’t be as extensive as it could be.

Here are some other great fic recommendation posts, however:

DARKLINA FIC RECS by @vicioux

DARKLINA FIC RECS // part ii by @vicioux

Darklina Ruling the World Together Fic Recs by @clubofthestarlesssaint

Tumblr Ficlets

Aleksander’s First Memory by @kestrafagnor

Fivan Talk About Darklina by @jomiddlemarch

a little light in the great, big dark by @valkyrhys

Alina tells Mal she’s with Aleksander by @lorsanbitch

Darklina week day 5: intimacy & touch by @starlesscne

AO3 Fanfiction

if it ain’t me by larry_hystereks (Incomplete - 10/13 Chapters)

alina’s in her second year at Yale when she meets aleksander at one of his frat parties.

a hookup with the potential for more, only if alina wasn’t still struggling to piece herself together from last year’s breakup.

or: alina, zoya, their trust issues, and the men that fall for them

---

I’m only at about chapter 6 of this fic currently, but so far it’s one of my all time favorite Modern AUs. The characterization for Alina and Aleksander is incredibly well done, and the entire fic itself is so feminist and queer in such a refreshing way. Aleksander and Alina are bisexual as fuck, both with their own separate complex lives, and much of Alina’s own traumas and relationships are explored outside of Aleksander.

There’s some Zoyalina, with Nikolina friendship and endgame Zoyalai. There’s some mystery and some tension, but nothing too extreme, and a lot of the fic is merely an exploration in growth and overcoming one’s history and learning how to move on in healthy ways. I love it.

She Wears a Collar (With My Name) by Ceris_Malfoy (Complete)

She is immortal, and whatever lingering hints of humanity she may have once had have long been bleached from her heart.

I will grant you one wish, boy, if it is in my power to do so. What does a Shadow Smith most want?

"You," he answers.

Written for Darklina Week 2021 - Day 2: Role Reversal

---

This piece is just exquisite. This author’s writing style is one that I particularly enjoy. Their stuff is always so uniquely composed and crafted, and this one especially is a work of art. The way Darklina as a relationship is portrayed in particular is fascinating to me because it’s a role reversal but it’s still so complex. Aleksander’s character is nailed.

the bright sun was extinguish’d by athousandwinds (Complete)

Somewhere, deep in the dark forests of Ravka, a boy grows up on stories of Sankta Alina of the Wastes, the Sun-Scorched Saint.

---

This fic is just straight up magnificent. It’s so engaging and I love love love the way a role reversed Aleksander who joins the army is portrayed. He reminds me so much of Demon in the Woods Aleksander, as if he’s exactly what a grown version of that young boy would be. When I say I adore his characterization in this I’m not lying.

If I wanted any completed fic I’ve read to have a second chapter, it would be this one.

Winter in the Little Palace by redisxwing (Complete)

Written for Yuletide 2020.

Baghra and Alina's wildly different perspectives on the Darkling, and how things could have gone if nobody listened to Baghra.

Warning: Baghra is written as a harsh and arguably abusive parent, and this is darkfic about that relationship, with a side of shipping. Everything is terrible (except the parts that are pretty much okay).

Canon divergence pretty much as soon as Alina gets lessons in summoning.

This fic is likely not compatible with King of Scars (or any subsequent work).

---

As is said in the summary, this one makes Baghra a bit more extreme. If you’re a fan of Baghra, this fic probably isn’t for you. But since I’m not a fan of Baghra, I had no problems with it.

My biggest praise for this fic is in regards to the character interactions and the POVs. There’s a brilliant grasp of unique perspective and how to convey it, and that talent is carried over into the way character interactions are brought to life in the text. Also, there’s a scene where Alina gets kind of protective of the Darkling, which is one of my biggest weaknesses when it comes to Darklina.

Good Ideas by FelixRivers (Complete)

Alina Starkov had a very good idea. Aleksander Morozova would definitely agree. (or: Alina wants to go camping and Aleksander won't complain)

---

This fic is just straight up adorable and hilarious. They’re such a cute couple and Alina’s POV is great. It’s just pure fluff and humor 💕

I’m not a bad girl, but I do bad things with you by SanktaJenya - @sankta-arya (Complete)

Winter had been hard on Old Baghra and Ana Kuya was worried about her, so she decided that Alina should make the trip to her cottage on the other side of the woods to bring her some food and kvas. On her way there, Alina meets a stranger...

Darklina Red Riding Hood/Company of Wolves AU

Darklina Week, Day 4, Fairytales

---

This fic has a splendid grasp of tension and atmosphere. It’s very enchanting and dark and intriguing, and it nails those aspects with absolute precision. I love the style and the way the fairytale is incorporated into the narrative. It’s truly a masterpiece.

The Wretched by @aceofnowhere (Complete)

“We are strangers, but I want to help.” He growls at her, mocking and mistrustful. “I understand,” she said. “You think I am one of them. I certainly look like one of them. But I want to help you. Will you let me?” Prompt: fairytale. Alina saves a dragon.

---

Okay so I’ve mentioned this one before as one of my Top 5 fics of all time and I still stand by that. I can’t even describe why I love this fic so much except that the pacing is amazing and the prose is stunning and the story is beautiful. Aleksander is a dragon and Alina is a witch, and their relationship is just so...interesting and fascinating and lovely. I would literally kill for this fic. There’s such a softness to it as well. Such a tenderness. Idk, I just really love it.

Show Me Who You Are (I Want To Know) by Ceris_Malfoy (Incomplete - 12/?)

Alina takes her future in her own hands and makes her own decisions.

---

This is a great “what if Alina had stuck around after the reveal” rewrite. It doesn’t have Mal bashing and in fact still writes them as close friends, which is something I’m fond of in Darklina fics. Aleksander is allowed to be soft and Alina is allowed to be powerful, and I really enjoyed the take on their dynamics as a power couple wherein Alina is given a lot of control.

There’s something to be said for the way Aleksander is written in the scenes where he must be honest and earnest with Alina. I really enjoy the way they both come to equal ground, and I’m even more fond of the way Alina is allowed to grow darker without losing her light. She also engages a lot with quite a few other characters, developing tons of friendships and alliances on her own that help strengthen her as an individual character.

on this bridge between starshine and clay by @rhea-imagined (Complete)

"His breath narrows for a moment, his fist clenched tight before he forces himself to loosen it. She is his only opportunity for salvation, but vulnerability is not a cape he wears easily. “In those days, there was less prejudice against Shadow Summoners. But everyone fears the dark, in one way or another.” He does not look at her as he waits for the penny to drop, half-hoping it stays suspended in the air."

In which Alexander comes clean to Alina and tells her about his true identity in hopes that this will help convince her to take down the Fold.

A rewrite of the fountain scene in episode four, with a good!Darkling that is trying to make amends.

---

This is my all-time favorite good!Aleksander AU. He’s kept in character despite the major changes made to his motivations, and Alina is given a lot more agency in her own story. It’s the first fic in what might become a series, but it can stand alone beautifully.

I love how Aleksander and Alina’s relationship is allowed to grow tense without breaking, and how it’s a clear sign of change but not abandonment. I love how both characters are able to think for themselves and become self-aware and are given the chance to think critically. I love the character interaction so much because it’s honest and fresh and engaging. Everything from the smallest action to the most off-hand thought is in character and meaningful and incorporated with an amazing style of writing. It’s a very refreshing piece, and the writing only makes it that much better.

Bunnies of a Feather Stitch Together by Ill_Ratte (Complete)

"Just as Alina called to the light, gathering and twisting it into a ball in her hands, the door swung open.

Kirigan blacked out the door frame. His appearance enough would have surprised Alina, but there was something clutched in his arm, something dark and floppy. It almost looked like the stuffed toys that had been passed around to the younger Orphans." - Alina and The Darkling bond over a love of soft things

---

Soft stuffed animal shenanigans. Bits of trans!Aleksander, which I’m very fond of, as well as just a lot of fluff with a bit of something bittersweet and sad in a good way.

Half Lie by Ill_Ratte (Complete)

"Baghra always talked of the demon that had stolen her daughter." Or, Alina learns the hard way that the Darkling isn't the only one who deals in half-truths

---

This one is trans!Aleksander, and it handles it in a very interesting way. It’s quite sad, and deals a lot with Baghra & Aleksander’s relationship through Alina’s POV. I want to give a warning for transphobia, because it does center around that a lot as the premise, but it really is worth the read if that isn’t a trigger for you. This is one of my favorite trans!Aleksander fics, and the way it handles emotion and grief and pain is quite extraordinary.

The CEO and Helioseismologist by mrthology (Complete)

Aleksander Morozova doesn't get sick. He's the CEO of one of the most successful companies in the world, one that he had built from the ground up with blood, sweat, and tears. He exercised daily (usually), maintained a healthy diet, and kept himself fit.

He wasn’t sick.

Too bad no one believed him. And too bad Genya decided to call Ivan to take him home before also calling Alina to take care of him.

Maybe, just maybe, being sick wasn't so bad. Especially not when he has such a wonderful girlfriend.

---

Both of the fics in this series are great, but I love this one in particular because I’m an absolute sucker for hurt/comfort. Anyone who’s been on my blog for a while knows that it’s my all time favorite trope to read, and this fic fits the hurt/comfort trope to a T in the best of ways. It’s very tender and in character, and Aleksander and Alina are so soft with each other. It’s adorable and really makes you feel for Aleksander, and the caretaking is done perfectly.

All the different layers of dark (thousand little suns) by Anuna (Complete)

One month after the Winter Fete, Aleksander returns to the Little Palace, and Alina has been missing him.

Episode five canon divergence in which Alina had never left Os Alta.

---

This one is soft emotional hurt/comfort smut. They’re both so open and vulnerable with each other, and it’s so beautiful to read. I love the writing style and the emotion in this one. It makes my heart ache in the best way.

An Honourable Man by liviy695 (Complete)

A reimagining of the scene after the winter fete. Alina catches a glimpse of a caring Darkling after he returns from integrating the Conductor. Plus, no Baghra interference.

---

This one is what it says on the tin, in that Baghra doesn’t interfere and they’re allowed to talk after the Darkling interrogates the Conductor. But more than that, it’s a great imagining of how a scene where Aleksander reveals Marie’s death would have gone. There’s a sort of quiet to it that I appreciate, with grief and solemnity weighed against care and vulnerability.

I see the real you (even if you don’t, I do) by Anonymous (Incomplete - 8/?)

A series of questionable decisions lead Alina to meet the Black General a bit earlier. Butterfly effect ensues.

---

I’ve only read half so far (I hadn’t realized it had updated!! 👀👀) but I’m already in love with this fic. Alina’s dialogue and perspective is perfect, her relationship with Mal and the other cartographers is great, and I really enjoy how much personality she has. Aleksander is so smitten, but more than that, his characterization is soft but not weak. It feels almost as if he’s swept up by Alina, instead of the other way around, and I quite like that.

Of parenting by Anuna (Complete)

Alina finds out how her husband handled yet another parenting situation.

---

This is pure adorable Darklina parenting fluff and I live for it. Yet it doesn’t lack depth and in fact explored Alina and Aleksander’s relationship with parenting quite well.

i have a longing by LRCee - @ladylyannastark (Complete)

“So, Alina Starkov, risk-taker, how did you end up being editing’s newest wunderkind?”

Alina Starkov is rising in the publishing world. Singlehandedly responsible for editing (see: rewriting) the hottest book of the year, she lands a coveted spot at Morovoz Publishers. It's the position she's always wanted, at the biggest publishing house in the country. Life is perfect. That crush on her boss though, that's gotta go.

---

OKAY! I LOVE THIS ONE SO MUCH!! Let me tell you, as someone who is not too fond of Boss/Employee dynamics, I was very wary going into this fic. But boy did it deliver in a way that was perfect for me.

The relationship that develops between Aleksander and Alina is complex but healthy, and it never feels as if there’s too much of a power imbalance or anything that would make Alina feel forced or unhappy. The tension lies purely in how she fears others will perceive her, and not in how unhealthy her relationship with Aleksander is. For somebody who’s often attracted to unhealthy ships, I have to say that my favorite fics are usually ones that don’t have that type of dynamic between the characters. This fic delivers on that.

Also, Aleksander’s POV surrounding his struggle with his Russian heritage and his feelings for Alina is amazing, and has some of the best writing and characterization I’ve seen.

You receive: an evil demon; I receive: human souls by @aceofnowhere (Complete)

The next morning while she tried to tell herself it was a dream, that of course there wasn’t a fucking demon in her house, she found a note taped to her fridge.

“You might eat this shit,” it had written, “but I would like some fucking souls please.”

Darkling Week Prompt 7: free choice. Alina has a demon in her house.

This is absolute crack, and I have no idea what the fuck is wrong with me.

---

May I just say that this is the most fun I’ve ever had when reading a fic. It’s interesting with a bit of mystery, and Aleksander as a little shit of a demon is hilarious. Alina in this fic is great too. It’s such a unique take on her POV, especially when you reread it after knowing the ending. 10000/10, this fic is brilliant in every way and I love it.

I had been lost to you, Sunlight by BrytteMystere (Complete)

A Girl became a Woman, became a Sankta, became a Goddess.

Or: An Immortal Alina calls upon merzost to reunite with the Prince of Shadows she lost long ago. She may have lost herself in the process.

But then again, maybe time and endless wars did that instead.

---

You really just have to read this one to get it. It is utterly haunting and fascinating in the best of ways. The writing style is strange and novel and fits so well with the story being told. The composition of the fic as a whole is genius.

I Look Inside Myself (And See My Heart Is Black) by Ceris_Malfoy (Complete)

"When is a monster not a monster? Why, when you love it, of course."

Written for Darklina Week 2021 - Day 6: Favorite Quote • King & Queen • Monster

---

Once more, this author comes through with an absolutely breathtaking writing style and story. The imagery is elegant yet brutal, simultaneously horrifying and glorious. There’s a certain way these stories are written, like fairytales, where the beautiful becomes the macabre and becomes ever more stunning because of it. It’s very dark but in a good way - an almost bewitching way.

Afterlife by @aceofnowhere (Complete)

“You are asking me to leave?”

“Not asking, shadow,” she said. “Telling. Time to get unlost, loser.”

Day 3 Darklina Week prompt: Modern AU (I mean, barely)

Alina expels ghosts from purgatory.

---

@aceofnowhere once again bringing the best of the paranormal to the Grishaverse. Literally everything you write is amazing idk why I’m even pointing out individual fics when I could just rec your whole page. But anyways!! This is fun and interesting and Alina is a badass. Aleksander is, of course, compelling and dark and kind of a little shit, and it’s all incorporated seamlessly into an existential paranormal narrative.

Once Upon a Shooting Star by Ceris_Malfoy (Complete)

"But most of all, she was drawn to a vast darkness that reached out above all of them, a void so hungry for companionship that she knew she could fulfill."

---

Let. Alina. Be. Feral!! Anyways, I clearly have a type when it comes to storytelling, and it’s whatever the fuck this person has got going on. Feral!Star!Alina is literally the light of my life. Her interactions with not only other people but the world in general are so well done, but my favorite parts about this fic are the numerous ways her relationship with Aleksander is described and depicted.

I love the dark and light imagery, especially with how it’s portrayed as them filling in the gaps of each other’s lives and supporting each other instead of trying to block each other out. There’s such clear passion and joy and love and devotion between them. The central focus of this fic is on her and Aleksander’s relationship, the interplay between them and their powers and the way her light fills his loneliness, the passing of adoration and trust and reliance between them. It’s very beautiful and I love it.

A Blaze of Light by Keira_63 (Complete)

They discover the Sun Summoner in the burnt-out remains of the Shu laboratory in which she has spent the last seven years of her life.

Or, the Darkling finds himself with a Sun Summoner whose greatest wish is to burn Shu Han to the ground. He is happy to oblige her.

---

👀👀 Badass Alina and Badass Aleksander. The ultimate power couple, and Alina burning a path through Shu Han before they both burn a path through the world together. The darkness and rage in this one are handled very well, and the way that rage turns to coldness and then resolve is done so well. This fic is very cathartic and also very furious, and reading it is certainly a trip down emotion lane.

One more for the Road by Rist (Complete)

He returns to the war room shaken, and finds an Alina that cannot leave without at least having tried.

---

This one hurts so much but its soooo gooood!!! Very smutty but also very tender and very bittersweet. Sad and soft all at once. I just... love the way Alina and Aleksander are written so much, and Alina’s complicated feelings for him are explored in such detail and depth. This one is truly worth the read.

434 notes · View notes

technowoah · 3 years ago

Text

THESEUS - a dsmp story ( DreamSMP x Queen!Reader)

CHAPTER 3: YOU’LL BE BACK TIME WILL TELL, YOU’LL REMEMBER THAT I SERVED YOU WELL.

Chapter Summary: Declarations are written, you and Eret have a talk, finally you make a decision, and Tommy wants to fight someone.

pairing: c!wilbur x queen!reader

an// I hope you guys want more of this story cause I have some more ideas for y/n to go through.

⚠︎ swearing, dsmp spoliers(?), angst, mentions of fighting, not proofread.

word count: 4.0k

part 2 - part 4

"Life. Liberty. And the pursuit of victory." Wilbur finished closing the book with a huff.

You had been listening the whole time. Of course it was good, but you finally figured out what L'Manburg stands for even more. Wilbur made this place because of freedom. They wanted independence from the kingdom itself. It was sort of contradictory at first, You couldn't get your finger on it. All in all it was a beautiful piece of writing and it showed the true feelings of this land.

"What do you think?" Wilbur had gotten up and placed the book in a chest.

He stayed over there by the chest in the corner leaning against said chest while staring at You still sitting at the huge meeting table. You sat there for a good 5 minutes. He had read the book slowly emphasizing the parts which were supposed to hit hard. You had to admit it seemed rushed, but still beautiful.

"It was a beautiful piece!"

"Thank you! I wrote it myself." Wilbur smirked as he sat down on the edge of the table.

"I would've guessed so." You laughed a little. It was still a serious matter to you.

"I'm still curious as to why you are here." Wilbur had spoken out of nowhere. It was completely off topic.

"I'm curious as to why you still have me here." You shot back.

"Touchè" Wilbur thinned his lips as he looked out the van's window.

You followed his line of sight and saw what was happening outside. Tubbo was currently laying down on the grass while Tommy sat by him staring at the door of the van. Eret stood up talking to Tubbo and Fundy was lying on his stomach facing away from the group, but it seems like he was still listening because his fox ears kept perking up when Eret or Tubbo spoke.

It was a long silence before Wilbur spoke again and filled that silence.

"Tommy found a woman to join L'Manburg earlier on, but you were American so we didn't let you in. He didn't like that at all. I'm surprised he hasn't convinced Tubbo to shun you." Wilbur shook his head while laughing.

"So you let me in? Why?" You asked, still serious.

"You're Eret's wife now, also half American. Half." Wilbur explained while making pitching motions with his fingers.

Before You could speak Wilbur started again, "Also I said you intrigued me, you haven't found your place, I assume. L'Manburg might be your home."

You hummed in agreement. He was right, but you weren't going to tell him that. You were in the middle of a debacle all of a sudden. You just wanted to be a citizen of this new kingdom that your close friend was a part of. You felt so small, you felt like you had no purpose. Maybe this is your calling.

You were conflicted. This could be a new home. But then.

Your eyes widened as you stared out of the window looking at Tubbo and Fundy laughing in the grass at what Eret said, and Tommy tapping his fingers on his thigh staring worriedly at the van's door. This can't be youhome. You were a spy. You were going to be queen. This is youplace, not some fake country in the woods. You eventually had to go back to Dream, Sapnap and George. That's your purpose.

"I'll be a part of L'Manburg. I want to become a part of L'Manburg. " You stated strongly, trying to make your facadè stronger.

"What if I say no again?" Wilbur smirked.

"I am going to be a part of L'Manburg. This is my home right" You smugly.

"We'll see after today. I'm going to take this and go outside and read out the Declaration to my fellow L'Manburgians. C'mon." Wilbur walked back over to the chest and took out the book.

Wilbur beckoned You over to the door and they both exited the HTO Van together.

"Oh my gosh! What were you two doing in there?!" Tommy shot up from his seat on the grass and sped walked over to the duo. Fundy was finally sat up by both Tubbo and Eret.

"Having adult conversations, which you know nothing about." Wilbur said laughing.

"Hey! I am a grown adult! At least more grown up than Tubbo over there!" Tommy complained pointing at the other kid.

"Hey we are the same in maturity I like to think!" Tubbo sat up from his spot.

"I haven't been here for long, but Tommy is the least mature person here." You sighed.

"HEY!"

"THANK YOU!"

"Hey children gather around!" Wilbur finally interrupted the meaningless conversation.

Fundy, Eret, Tommy, and Tubbo gathered around Wilbur and You.

"You wanted to know what we two were doing, well." Wilbur brings the book from behind his back into their view.

"This is the new declaration! Gentlemen, I need you all to sign this." Wilbur handed the book to Tubbo first and then passed it around.

They all seemed proud. Their eyes lit up as the book was passed around. You could see Tubbo trying not to flip through the pages, Fundy was over Tubbos shoulder looking at how intricate the book was. Tommy was impatiently waiting while Eret stood calmer to the side.

All of a sudden You heard something around the walls of L'Manburg. It was like a loud rustling of somesort. You quickly scaled the walls with your eyes and found a familiar set of netherite armor and black hair. You saw three other figures in that same area as well. You saw Dream and George and a new face you haven't seen before. He had tufts on blonde hair coming out of his helmet. He looked dangerous.

"Um guys. You have visitors." You said while still looking at the four soldiers over the walls.

"Oh god." Eret whispered.

"Um they are in here. They're in HERE." Tommy said anxiously.

"It's fine they can watch this. I want them to hear." Wilbur said as he beckoned the five of them to the top of the HTO van.

Once they made it all on the top of the van Wilbur faced the four before speaking out in a loud strong voice.

"THE DECLARATION OFINDEPENDANCE

Signed: Wilbur Soot, Tubbo_, TommyInnit, ERET, Fundy

Forever the nation of the DreamSMP have cast great sins upon our great land of the hto dog van. They have robbed us. Imprisoned us. Threatened us. Killed many of our men. This time of tyranny ends with us this book declares that the nation which shall be henceforth known as L'Manberg is seperate, emancipated and independant from the nation of DreamSMP. The union of the masters of men.”

Wilbur began to pace around the area they were all in as he continued the long declaration.

“Together we are one. When in the course of human events it becomes necessary for one to dissolve the bonds which bind us. Disregarding of this truth is nothing short of tyranny. WE HOLD THESE TRUTHS TO BE SELF EVIDENT. THAT ALL _MEN_ ARE CREATED EQUAL The right of the people exists above the right of the king. The right of the government and the right of the economy. From the hto dog van we shall prevail. Life. Liberty. And the pursuit of victory." Wilbur ended.

"Im framing this fucker" The boys started cheering as Wilbur jumped down and entered the van.

You couldn't take your eyes off of the soldiers. You watched as there was something that fell inside the walls. From afar it looked like a book, a book that fell on the ground inside the walls. The boys were still talking and cheering, but apparently Tommy followed your gaze to the book that fell.

"What is that?" Tommy said and You and him hopped down and walked over to the book that was dropped.

It had to be from Dream. You looked up the walls and saw no one there, they must've left. Tommy picked up the book and flipped through it.

"Uh oh." Tommy said suddenly.

"Uh oh what?" You peaked over Tommy's shoulder.

He handed you the book and your heart dropped. "Declaration of War."

"Oh shit." You whispered

"Yeah" Tommy and You headed back to the van.

Tommy snatched the book from You's hand and yelled to Wilbur who was still in the van.

"Wilbur! There’s a book for you. He dropped a book!" Tommy yelled. Tommy and You made their way into the van and found Wilbur leaning underneath a door frame.

"Hold this for me. Let's swap books." Wilbur said.

Wilbur took the new book and began to read it aloud.

"Decla- uh oh."

"Wait, can you read it out loud?" Tubbo asked

"What was it called?" Eret asked as well.

Wilbur made his way back into the meeting room, sat down, plopped the book on the table and everyone followed suit into the room. He placed his head into his hands and began to speak again.

"The dec- the declaration of war." He finally said.

"OH!"

"Oh no!"

"Ladies and gentlemen, we are in a state of war." Eret said playfully next to me.

"This is how we consolidate our power! Men this is not something to fear, this is how we show that we are a nation. If we can hold this off, if we can thwart their advances. Do you know why they're attacking us? Power, greed," Wilbur paces around the HTO van angery still ranting about the situation.

"They're scared!" Tubbo added

"If we can show that our nation is strong enough to hold up against an army, then we can show that we are strong enough to run independently."

"You shouldn't have to prove yourself to Dream if you want independence." You spoke up.

The L'Manburgians were now outside since they followed Wilbur out here.

Wilbur turned around to face You with a neutral face. It was a contrast from just a few minutes ago.

"You're right. For now though we need to show we can stand up for ourselves, they think we are weak. We aren't."

"I understand." You hummed and an awkward silence fell upon L'Manburg.

"Y/N, would you like to become a citizen of L'Manburg?" Wilbur asked formally.

This was a part of the test wasn't it? So many thoughts were going through your head at the moment. This had to be a part of the plan. The whole Declaration of War. You wouldn't get hurt right? And then L'Manburg, you had to accept because if not everything would go to waste.

You smiled, "I would love to Wilbur."

Wilbur extended his hand out for you to shake and You grabbed it and shook hand firmly. It was official.

"Aye! Did I just see what I think I just saw?!" Tubbo and Fundy appeared out of nowhere.

"I saw a handshake~! Very professional." Fundy said, adding to what Tubbo said prior.

"Yes it did! I am a L'Manburgian now!" You cheered and so did Tubbo.

"The first woman in L'Manburg." Wilbur said.

"WHAT? The first woman in L'Manburg is American?!" Tommy angrily stomped out from around the van.

"You're a good addition I think." Wilbur smirked at Tommy, who was fuming.

"Hm, we'll see about that." Tommy narrowed his eyes at You, but you just smiled at the boy. Apparently that made him even more upset.

Tommy began to walk away before Wilbur began to speak again.

"Before you all leave, we need to have potions, more enchanted bows, arrows, and armor. That's all for now. I'll figure out the rest tomorrow." Wilbur finished and the others agreed.

"Goodbye everyone!"

"See you all tomorrow!"

Fundy and Tubbo left the L'Manburg walls leaving Tommy, Eret, You and Wilbur still inside the walls.

"Y/N can I talk to you for a minute?" Eret pulled you to the side. Currently Tommy and Wilbur were talking inside the van and You was chilling outside.

Eret took you away from the van and to a semi secluded place.

"Are you comfortable with what's happening?" Eret carefully asked.

"I'm unsure what's going to happen. I hate that feeling. I'm just worried that something will go wrong. I don't wanna die!" You said that last part while laughing.

Eret laughed a little too trying to lighten up the mood.

"I am too. We have to live long enough to become king and queen." Eret smiled and so did You.

"I don't want to die. Yeah that's one problem, but the other one is that I don't know where I belong. It's hard, is this your home Eret?"

Eret sighed, "Ahh! That's the problem! I would consider this my home."

Eret paused looking at Tommy and Wilbur talking by the HTO van. He took a second and looked You in the eyes again.

"I have the same feeling as you, but I feel like this can't be our purpose. This isn't meant to be, this home is temporary like a wilting home. We can always buy a new one after the old home withers away." Eret concluded.

You and Eret turned their heads to the noise of Wilbur and Tommy playfully bickering, they seemed like brothers, it was cute. The citizens of L'Manburg seemed like a family.

L'Manburg was a calm place. It was a calm house in a huge storm, but sometimes the house can get destroyed by the storm and it will be time to find a new house.

"We'll be okay. You're right by the way." You hummed looking up at Eret.

"I know." Eret smiled down at You.

"You know that we'll be okay? Or-"

Eret cut You off by pulling you into a comforting hug.

"We'll be okay, Dream would never hurt us. You know that. And I am always right." Eret laughed and You joined.

"Hey fuckers, I'm out!" Tommy yelled as he made his way towards the two in a hug.

They pulled away as Wilbur made his way over as well and spoke in a baby voice, "The baby needs someone to take him home~!"

"NO I DON'T! I'M NOT A BABY! I just don't want to get mugged." Tommy complained.

"He is a baby." Wilbur bluntly said.

"I AM NOT-"

"Hey! I can take you home!" You spoke over Tommy.

"Thank God, okay bye you two!" Eret laughed.

"Shouldn't you be with your wife?" Wilbur questioned Eret.

Eret shrugged, "I'm 100% sure you can take care of yourself, she can fight. Also she's not alone."

Wilbur slowly nodded and then began to walk away. The rest of them followed to the outskirts of L'Manburg. The group all ended outside of the walls and split apart. Wilbur goes with Eret and You with Tommy.

The walk through the forest was rough because Tommy always took the most difficult way. He walked his way into skeletons to fight them, He sometimes stopped to check his menu, He also kept talking while not waiting for an answer. It was a lot to travel with him.

They eventually made it into the greater part of the kingdom and saw the familiar sights. As Tommy led the way, he began another conversation from the long journey.

"So, I can't believe I haven't asked you this before," Tommy laughed "Let me begin with this: I don't like you, but I will put up with you"

Tommy walked backwards through grass as he talked.

"Wow what a great start." You sarcastically said, rolling your eyes.

"Don't test me. I just wanted to know why you married Eret in the first place." Tommy turned around and kept the pace You had while walking beside you.

Damn it. You were so close, of course Tommy would be suspicious of you. He basically said he hated you and now You think that he wants you out of L'Manburg. This might all go to shit if you can't get the right answer out of your mouth.

"I love him of course! Why wouldn't you want to marry someone you love?" What a lie.

You continued, "We were set up by a close friend, I am still getting to know him more and more each day, but isn't that with all relationships?"

"It seems so," Tommy spoke.

Tommy began stuttering over his words,

"Of course I know! I've been with women! Anyways, I didn't even know you were apart of the kingdom so-"

"So you wouldn't know how long me and Eret were together! So whatever you were gonna say would be invalid!" You shot back while pointing at him with a smirk.

Tommy hummed, "You're acting very territorial, very defensive."

"Is it bad that I am trying to defend my relationship?" You asked.

"You were very sudden with it." Tommy huffed.

An awkward silence fell upon the two as they kept walking, You not knowing where their destination was. After a while of nothing Tommy started a conversation again.

"I overheard Big E talking about fighting! Do you know how to fight?" Tommy asked enthusiastically.

"I like to think I do!" You said proudly.

You had learned everything you knew from your own self training and Dream of course. He always talked about how great a fighter you would be, so he took it into his hands to train You.

"Well, are you? I didn't see you fighting that many skeletons huh?!"

"Because you kept "running into them" and fighting them yourself!" You yelled back and did air quotations around certain words.

"Cause I wanna get stronger! Buffer! The alpha male!" Tommy boasted.

"Well why put yourself into trouble in the first place?" You sighed.

"Cause it's fun!" Tommy's voice got significantly higher the more he complained.

"You don't think I can fight?" You laughed in disbelief.

"Yeah!" Tommy challenged.

"Then I challenge you to a duel!" You crossed your arms over your chest and tried to size Tommy up, even though you were shorter than him.

"Woah, woah what?!"

You smirked, "You heard me Tommy! I want to fight you."

Tommy began walking faster and You had to do the same. He kept shaking his head and muttering something. You finally caught up with him and overheard what he was muttering.

"What would Wilbur think of this?"

He muttered.

"He would be okay! Fight me! C'mon pussy!"

"WHAT DID YOU CALL ME!?"

You got him. You really wanted to fight this boy. You could prove yourself to him and even the rest of L'Manburg. You might've been contradicting yourself because of what you had said earlier.

"You shouldn't have to prove yourself to Dream if you want independence."

You shouldn't have to prove yourself to Tommy nor Wilbur to gain their trust. But at the same time you REALLY wanted to fight, have some drama. You're hard-headed just like Tommy, so either way they were going to fight.

"Fine! We will fight by the HTO van tomorrow!" Tommy said walking backwards heading off the path that they were going.

"Deal?" You reached out to shake his hand.

"Fucking deal!" Tommy exclaimed while shaking your hand.

Tommy walked in front of you and made his way to a house made of dirt. It was well made and, although it didn't look horrible, it was probably a secret base.

"This is my home! I'll see you tomorrow for our duel. Don't be late." Tommy said while entering his house and closing the door on You before you got the chance to speak.

This is going to be very interesting.

"Well, well, well. Look who we have here!" A british voice appeared to the side of You.

Approaching the Prime Path was of course George and Sapnap. They always appeared at the right time because You were getting nervous you wouldn't make it back to the castle.

"Guys!" You exclaimed.

"Hey! We wanted to talk to you before, but you were occupied with "L'Manburg"." Sapnap put air quotes around L'Manburg like it wasn't real.

"We also wanted to walk you back home. Eret’s not being a good husband huh?" George laughed.

You spoke,"I was fine! Almost blew my cover though."

"WHAT?"

"HUH?"

"Yeah I was walking Tommy home and he asked me why I married Eret and I panicked, but saved it!" You hurriedly explained to the two men.

"Jesus you would have ruined everything." Sapnap rubbed his face while walking ahead of George and You.

"But she didn't! You almost did." George sighed.

"I thought I did well." You hummed.

"Also sorry for the scare earlier." Sapnap said while laughing a bit.

You sarcastically stated, "Yeah the whole "Declaration of War" didn't scare me at all."

"Aw boo hoo!" Sapnap mocked.

George shook his head while trying to keep in a laugh beside You. They were almost to their destination because you saw the huge castle in your sights. Sapnap dragged his feet on the path tiredly while George still had a small pep in his step.

You finally spoke up again, "Who was that other guy with the three of you? I've never seen him before."

"OH you haven't met Punz! He's one of the best fighters in the kingdom." George explained.

"Dream wants him on his side, he's getting many more warriors, "warriors", to fight against your L'Manburg." George put air quotes around warriors as he continued to explain.

"He won't hurt you. None of us will, if that's what you're wondering." Sapnap said bluntly.

"I mean that makes me more comfortable now I definitely know." You hummed and so did Sapnap in agreement.

You would love to say that Dream would never hurt you, but that would be a lie. You never knew Dream's intentions from the beginning, but he always says that it's for your own good and it would work out in the end. You trusts Sapnap and George's word, you trust them with your life. Literally.

The trio made it to the castle's entrance and they all stopped. Sapnap yawned and George rubbed You on the back in a reassuring manner.

"Man, I have a lot to do." You sighed as you looked at the huge arches of the castle.

"Well get some rest! Ease your mind." George said.

"Yeah what he said." Sapnap said while stretching.

You smiled at the two of them before beginning to walk up to the main doors. Sapnap reached out to your shoulder and twisted you around to give the two boys a final look for the night.

"Are you 100% sure you are okay with this plan?" Sapnap said sternly.

"Cause you know we have to report back to the big guy." George added.

You paused for a moment. You looked back on the moment when Wilbur and yourself were in the HTO van

"You haven't found your place, I assume. L'Manburg might be your home."

That whole place could be your home. Her calling, but then Sapnap and George in front of you. What about them?

"When have I ever steered you wrong?!"

Dreams' words circled in your head again for what it seemed like the 5th time today. It was tiring, but it was true. Even if you weren't okay with it you would get killed, so you want Eret and yourself to be safe. You didn't have enough connection with the L'Manburgians to keep them alive. This has to be you calling. Please let this be your calling.

"I am 100% sure. Let's do this."

121 notes · View notes

streetlight11 · 3 years ago

Text

Neighbour's Fate

Summary: He was your neighbour growing up but he has always been distant. You didn't know for what reasons he chose not to mingle with you or your younger brother. It's been 6 years since you saw him. One day, you best friend asks for a favour from you that would eventually lead you to meeting his close friends. Who would've thought your old neighbour was now one of your best friend's close friends.

Theme: university au, old neighbours to lovers

Genre: fluff, a tad bit of jealousy, a little suggestive

Warning: mentions of anxiety, one or two curse words, very mild harassment (grabbing of wrist, that's all)

WC: 6.5k

Pairing: Seo Changbin x Fem!Reader

a/n: This was just a spur of the moment kind of idea I had the other day, and so this was the work I created... Hope you guys like it :)

Growing up, you lived beside the Seo family. They were a family of four and so were you. Their oldest child was a girl and her name was Seo Jiwoo. Their youngest child was a boy and his name was Seo Changbin. You were pretty close to the girl, to the point where you would always go to school together but the boy had always avoided you for unknown reasons.

He wouldn’t even play with your younger brother. It used to upset you but as you grew up, you realized that you can never force anyone to like someone or do something they didn’t want to do. And for that reason, you ended up letting him be.

However, despite not talking to you as much as his sister did, he was very attentive on small little things and he noticed that you tend to get anxiety attacks whenever you are in front of a huge crowd or the centre of attraction. And he knows this.

You had just entered senior year when you heard news from your parents that the Seo family were moving.

You were sad considering you’re already so close to Jiwoo. But you couldn’t force them to stay there anyways. You accepted the fact that you probably wouldn’t see them anytime soon, maybe not ever. You bid them goodbye, not forgetting to glance at Changbin one last time before they drove off with their boxes loaded into a van.

Two years passed since they moved and you were finally going to college.

You decided to move to Seoul alone and your parents allowed it. Your heart was heavy to leave them behind but they understood that you were doing it because you wanted to further your studies. For that, they willingly let you go.

After graduation, you enrolled yourself into a college with your favourite course, not forgetting to find an affordable apartment for yourself. And that was the start to a new chapter in your life.

4 years passed by in a flash and you had managed to further your studies by going to university. You were currently a Computer Science major in Hankuk University, together with your best friend whom you met in college and have been friends ever since. He was two years younger than you but he was pretty mature for his age, and his name is Hwang Hyunjin.

It was a bright Thursday morning and you were just strolling to your lecture class when someone swung their arm over your shoulder. Right when you were about to curse, the familiar voice warned you.

“Relax, stop being too defensive will you?”

You clicked your tongue at him, seeing him shake his head a little to get his long beautiful blonde bangs away from his eyes.

“Then announce who you are first before putting your arm around me next time, will you?” You scoffed, earning a roll of his eyes. “You’re unbelievable sometimes, you know that?” Hyunjin sighed.

“I appreciate that compliment.”

“Whatever…” Hyunjin could only laugh as the two of you continued to walk to class.

Hours went by, it was currently lunch hour. You made it to the cafeteria in time when there still weren’t many students yet. Hyunjin was walking beside you, telling you stories about his ex-girlfriend whom he caught cheating on him last month when you spotted an empty table a few rows down from you.

With that, you grabbed his shirt and began to drag him to the table before anyone else occupies it. A few minutes later, you were just munching on your smoked squid when someone came to give Hyunjin a handshake.

You looked up to see two guys whom you knew to be in Hyunjin’s dance crew team that represented the campus.

One of them had pretty freckles all over his face while the other one had a cute gummy smile with doe round eyes. They simply acknowledged you with a friendly smile and a nod before walking away.

You’ve never really met Hyunjin’s friends before properly because you were shy.

Even with those two guys, you knew they were part of Hyunjin’s close circle of friends that had other guys from other campuses but you’ve never met them before. You weren’t sure if you even wanted to, if they’re all just going to be as equally good looking as the two dancers from your campus.

A few days later, you were lounging in your living room on a Friday night watching your favourite TV show on Netflix. You were in nothing but panties and a big hoodie that you remembered to be Hyunjin’s but you stole it one night when you slept over at his place after he broke things off with his ex-girlfriend when he found her cheating on him with a friend of his but not from his circle.

You were just seated on your couch with a chocolate almond drink in your hand when you got a text from Hyunjin.

With that, he told you to pick him up at his apartment so that you could go meet his friends at the mall and discuss his plan. It sounds ridiculously dramatic to you but then again, it’s Hyunjin. Nothing’s ever not ridiculously dramatic when it comes to him.

You texted him you’ll pick him up at around 2, in which he said okay. You were scheming through your closet to see what you could wear. You didn’t want his friends to have a bad first impression on you so you opted to wear a little feminine. After rummaging your closet for a good few minutes, you ended up pulling out a baby blue off shoulder, floral print dress.

You’ve worn this out with Hyunjin before once but mostly with your girl friends. You kept your hair simple with a messy low bun, leaving your fringe to frame your face as it parts nicely in the centre.

Once it was time to pick him up, you left your apartment. Not forgetting to bring your purse along to keep your important belongings.

You wore your favourite white Nike air force 1s to pair it with your outfit.

After you’ve managed to pick him up from his apartment, he tells you which mall they promised to meet. The drive there was filled with him complaining to you saying his ex kept bothering him on kakao talk and also social media.

He said he’s had enough so he wants to get back at her to show her that he’s moved on. He told you that she invited him and his friends to her birthday party at her house next weekend.

So he wants to use this chance for his payback.

You simply listened to his plan as you focused on the road ahead of you. Once you’ve found yourself a parking space, you park your vehicle and leave.

He walked with you to the restaurant, all the while talking to you about your dreadful assignment. You arrived at the restaurant, only for a waiter to approach you two.

“Uhh, hi. My friends are here actually. Table reserved under Chan I think?” Hyunjin said as the waiter went ahead and checked the booking list, only for him to nod when his eyes met the name that was mentioned.

“Ah, yes. Right this way.” He led you deeper into the restaurant as you followed behind Hyunjin.

You were too busy focusing on the crying child across the room, not realizing you were already at the table until Hyunjin’s arms wrapped around your waist to stop you from walking. You whipped your head around to lock eyes with him as he chuckled at you for being clumsy.

Just then, you turned towards the table and you saw a whole table filled with really handsome guys. You also noticed that the two dancers from campus whom you recognized pretty well by now.

“Oh, hey!” The one with freckles said as he waved to you and so did the other one. You smiled shyly to them as you rested your right hand on your left elbow.

You schemed through the different pairs of eyes, smiling to them as a way of saying hello.

Just when you thought you were done, you didn’t notice the one who got blocked by Hyunjin’s tall and lean body. It wasn’t until Hyunjin turned around to call for the waiter, that you finally locked eyes with the individual seated at the edge of the bench.

He was absolutely breath-taking.

He was wearing a grey shirt that hugged his upper body a little too perfectly.

His muscles were in full view. His broad chest puffing out against the soft material of his shirt. The sleeves of his shirt doing the bare minimum in giving his muscular arms air to breath. His shirt tucked into his black cargo pants that had a chain attached to the belt hooks.

He wore a silver chain necklace as his accessory and a few chain bracelets as well. His hair was styled to show his forehead despite it not being slick back. However, his eyes were cold at first but the minute he looked at you, you could’ve sworn his eyes went wide for a split second before it softened.

Your smile slowly disappeared as Hyunjin spoke up to get your attention, “Noona? You okay? You look like you just saw a ghost.”

With that, he chuckled as he turned to his friends and continued talking, “Friends, this is my best friend since college, Y/N. Noona, these are my friends, Felix, Minho hyung, Seungmin, Jeongin, Jisung, Chan hyung and Changbin hyung.”

At the mention of that last name, a sudden rush of adrenaline flowed through your veins as you turned to look at the said individual. Letting his name roll off your tongue.

“Chang… bin?”

The table fell quiet as your eyes diverted from his to the plate in front of him. The boys didn’t miss the frown that soon appeared on your face.

“Do you know him?” Hyunjin asked, genuinely intrigued by your reaction.

Why is the name making your heart flutter?

Just then, you looked back into Changbin’s soft eyes only to ask, “Seo… Changbin?” You heard a few light gasps from the guys but they weren’t your main focus right now.

You watched as Changbin shifted in his seat, making him ask, “How did you know my name?”

His question made you confused.

Was he not your neighbour? Was he not the same Seo Changbin you used to grow up next to? Was he a different Seo Changbin?

This made you feel slightly embarrassed thinking you mistook him for someone else. So you apologized, “I… sorry, maybe I mistook you for someone else.” With that being said, he didn’t say anything else as Hyunjin brought you to the empty space beside Jisung and Seungmin. During lunch, Hyunjin explains what his plan was to everyone.

You listened to him as well, occasionally giving him scoffs or a click of your tongue if you felt that he might be a bit too sassy about the things he wanted to do.

After lunch was over, they wanted to walk around the mall for a bit so you followed.

You had all just entered the lift to go down to level 1 from level 6. There were a few strangers who came in as well. You were the last to enter after the boys while the other shoppers came rushing in behind you.

You had just turned around when a rowdy bunch of people pushed you in further. You were about to lose balance when you felt a firm hold on your waist. What you also felt was your upper back accidentally crashing into a firm chest. You were secretly hoping your guess was wrong but it wasn’t.

“It’s okay. I got you.” His raspy voice said quietly in your ear over the noisy lift, making you turn your head slightly.

That was your first mistake.

The minute you turned, his lips accidentally brushed against your cheek as it was now inches away from your own lips. You were caught off guard by the close proximity so you softly gasped and were going to pull away from him when you accidentally bumped into the person in front of you.

That was your second mistake.

Because the minute you slightly bumped into them, the person turned around to give you a disapproving look, making you apologize quietly as you felt the hands on your waist wrap itself around you and tugged you against him as a way to comfort you.

Changbin simply hid his smile against your hair on his left where his face was between your head and the lift walls so none of his friends saw this.

Your heart was pounding against your chest as you unconsciously rested your hands on top of his forearms. After the crowd left the lift at level 3, you could finally breathe as Changbin let go of you before his friends saw him hold you.

You went home that day feeling lost and confused.

Does that mean he knows you, that he was simply acting as if he doesn’t remember you? Why else would he act that way, unless he’s that type of guy who knows his way around girls?

As far as you remember, Hyunjin has never mentioned being friends with fuckboys and that he says that his friends were all very sweet and humble guys.

Either way, you decided not to think much of Changbin and just carry out Hyunjin’s favour and you’d call it done with being around his friends. But of course luck wasn’t on your side and that it always has it’s way of turning things around in your life. This time, it was with Hyunjin’s friends.

More specifically, Changbin.

The day finally came, you were going to be Hyunjin’s fake girlfriend for the night. You weren’t really nervous considering you don’t have any special feelings for him. You were more anxious that you will be seeing his friends tonight. And that means you’ll be seeing Changbin too.

Hyunjin came to pick you up this time, coming earlier to pick out the perfect outfit for you to wear so that his ex would feel jealous when he sees you with him.

Hyunjin ended up choosing a pink satin dress with quite a deep neckline that essentially shows your cleavage. You were against wearing it at first but Hyunjin insists on you wearing it.

“Dude, you do realise I might get guys staring at me the whole night if I wore this right?” You asked, your tone was serious as he knows how you feel about being a centre of attraction. It gives you major anxiety. With that being said, Hyunjin gave in and chose a different dress that was also satin but with a decent neck line and a thin strap to rest on your shoulders.

It hugs your figure perfectly, with the hem stopping right on your mid thighs.

Hyunjin gave you the privacy to change as he waited for you in your living room. After you were done, you came back out with your purse and heels from your shoe closet.

Hyunjin almost choked on his own spit as he scanned you from head to toe.

“Woah! You are looking hot as hell!” He praised you, earning a roll of your eyes. You slapped his chest with your purse, telling him to get up so you can both leave.

The drive to his ex’s house took about 40 minutes, filling the drive with singing your favourite songs with Hyunjin and just laughing about random things. His friends were going to meet you two there, hence the reason why you were now leaning against Hyunjin’s car door with him towering over you.

He trapped you by resting both hands on top of his car roof on either side of your body.

“So, let me make myself clear. You can hold my hand, hold my waist, kiss my cheek, wherever you want up here…” You said as you pointed from your shoulder to your face before continuing your speech, “But, not my lips.”

Hyunjin pouted as he got a gentle slap from you to his chest, making him chuckle.

“Okay, but what if she wants proof of us dating and she asks us to kiss?” He asked, making you think through your potential actions.

“Fine, only if she asks. If not, don’t even think about tricking me into kissing you.” You warned as he scoffed, telling you that you were ‘no fun’. You rolled your eyes at him but the smile on your lips betrayed you.

Right when you wanted to look away from him, instead you saw a group of guys walking up to you and Hyunjin. Only to realize it was his friends.

Your eyes just naturally travelled over to the one walking near the curb.

Changbin wore a black skinny cargo pants, a black button down formal shirt tucked in, leaving the first few buttons undone. It definitely was low enough to expose a slight amount of his chest. He accessorized with his favourite silver necklace and a chain bracelet with a watch. He had a pair of black combat boots on to go with his outfit.

His hair was styled nicely to partially show his forehead and his undercut. You would be lying if you said he didn’t look good. But you decided to keep the comment to yourself as Chan smirked at you and Hyunjin.

“Damn, you’re not even inside and you guys already started the act?” Hyunjin wriggled his eyebrows as he pushed himself off his car only to snake one arm around your waist and pulled you against his side gently.

“By the way, you look really pretty Y/N.” Chan smiled at you genuinely, making you feel shy. But nonetheless thanked him for his compliment.

The rest of them agreed to their friend’s comment as well, saying that you look good with this dress.

The 9 of you soon walked to the house as Hyunjin slid his hands into yours swiftly when you were reaching the door. However, Changbin couldn’t help but feel jealous when he saw this. Yes he knows it was all an act. Yes he knows that it was only for a day. But why did he wish that was him instead of Hyunjin?

You arrived at the house, only for Hyunjin’s ex to open the door. Her smile immediately dropped when she looked down at your locked fingers with Hyunjin.

“Hey, you guys made it�� And, with a friend…” She said through her clenched teeth.

“Oh my goodness, where’s my manners? This is Y/N, my girlfriend. Baby, this is my... friend, Yuna.” Hyunjin said as he slid his arm around your waist, making you smile at the girl and proceeded to shake her hand.

She was clearly uncomfortable but she just pressed on a smile as she welcomed the 9 of you in.

The birthday party was definitely leaning more towards a party which includes alcohol and random hooking ups with strangers. But since some of them drove, they made sure not to drink, including yourself because you don’t drink alcohol.

It has been almost an hour since you reached here and there were already a whole bunch of drunk university students everywhere in this house.

You were just seated on the couch next to Hyunjin and Minho with some of the guys. The only ones who were tipsy amongst the 9 of you were Jisung, Jeongin, Felix and Seungmin. You were just leaning your head against Hyunjin’s shoulder, feeling tired from having been surrounded by drunk students when you felt the need to get a refill of your non alcoholic drink.

You rested your hand on Hyunjin’s lap to gain his attention, who was busy talking to the other four guys, as all four pairs of eyes soon turned to you. “I’m gonna get a refill. I’ll be back.” You said as you got up after receiving a nod from him.

A few minutes later, you were just walking back to where the guys were sitting when a warm hand on your waist made you jump.

You turned around to see a guy whom you didn’t recognize, smiling down at you drunkenly.

“Wanna dance, baby girl?” He slurred over his words, making you excuse yourself. But when you turned to walk, he gripped your wrist so tightly that it made you drop your cup to the floor. You winced as he began tugging you towards the stairs.

But then a firm grip around your waist made you stop walking as someone ripped his hand away from yours only to throw a solid punch to his jaw.

“Fucking touch her again and I’ll break your nose.” Hyunjin growled as the guy began to stumble away. This has caught the eyes of those around you, making your anxiety grow. You didn’t realize this but you began to shake, something you always did when your anxiety was kicking in.

You were about to panic when the soft voice behind you managed to calm you down.

“Hey? Hey, calm down. Breathe. It’s okay.” Changbin whispered in your ear. It confused you on how he seemed to know that this was due to your anxiety but your mind couldn’t properly function right now.

So when Changbin called Hyunjin and told him you were shaking, the minute he passed you over to Hyunjin who immediately hugged you, that’s when it hit you.

This Changbin knows about your anxiety.

You allowed yourself to calm down in Hyunjin’s arms as he caressed your back soothingly and it worked.

A few minutes later, you finally stopped shaking as he pulled away from you only to cup your face gently. “Are you okay?” He asked, genuinely concerned for you. All you could do was smile at him and thank him, in which he told you it was fine and that he should’ve been more alert when leaving you alone in this kind of atmosphere.

You were just walking back to where his three friends were sitting, when a familiar voice called Hyunjin’s name behind you. The pair turned around as Yuna came to a stop behind Hyunjin.

She awkwardly glanced at you before focusing back at him.

“Hey, I need to talk to you… in private?” Yuna said.

“Why? We can just speak here.” Hyunjin said.

“I want to talk about something important… it’s about… us.” She paused. Hyunjin sighed as he stared at her with nothing but lingering pain in his eyes.

“There’s nothing else to talk about Yuna. You cheated on me when I told you I loved you. Was I not enough for you?”

“I’m sorry Hyunjin… I… I wasn’t thinking. Please… can we talk in private?” She said desperately, making you glance up to him who had an obvious frown on his face. You knew he wanted to talk to her to clear things between them. But you could also see that he was already tired of her bullshit and that he wanted nothing but to move on from her.

So you opted to give them space by holding his forearm gently and told him, “I think there’s some things you guys need to settle. Go. I’ll wait with the guys.”

You flashed him and Yuna a smile as you let go of his hand, turning around to walk towards where Minho, Changbin and Chan were sitting. The three of them were already looking at your direction, seeing the situation unravel in front of their eyes.

Hyunjin was at a cross road as he wasn’t sure if he should follow his heart or mind.

After what felt like forever, he decided to follow his heart and that was to completely end ties with Yuna. With that being said, he turned back to her only to speak up.

“I’m sorry Yuna. But all of that was in the past. I’ve already moved on and you should too.” Hyunjin said as he then turned on his heels and left.

He re-joined you and the guys, where you were sitting on the arm rest beside Minho since the other end of the couch was already occupied by drunk couples. Hyunjin was just standing beside you when Yuna placed her hand on his shoulder and roughly turned him around.

“That’s it? It was just that one time. You can’t tell me you’ve moved on that fast.” She scoffed as he raised his eyebrows at her in disbelief.

“With what you did to me, it only makes sense for me to move on this fast. Besides, I’m already dating someone now. You’re too late.” Hyunjin taunts but it seems like Yuna had a different plan as she scoffed at you.

“As if. I’ve noticed you two acting quite distant when I’m not near you. Just tell me you guys are friends and leave. I don’t need fakers at my party.” Yuna said, her tone visibly angered.

Hyunjin smirks, knowing that she was just trying to bite his tail.

“What do I need to do then to prove to you that I’ve really moved on from you?”

“Kiss her. If you’re really dating her and you guys aren’t just friends, then kiss her.”

There it is.

That was probably the last thing you’d wanna hear tonight. Especially not in front of Changbin. With that being said, Hyunjin smirks as he accepted the challenge easily. Since you both agreed on this before you entered the house just now, you knew you couldn’t really say no to it.

“Oh, sure thing sweetheart.” Hyunjin said as he turned to you and immediately leaned down to kiss you on the lips, hands reaching up to cup your face.

You swiftly moved your lips against his to make it seem legit. You could feel Hyunjin’s lips curving into a smile against your lips as you heard Yuna scoff and soon stormed off. Hyunjin pulled back the minute she left, only to apologize to you.

“I’m really sorry noona…”

“It’s okay.” You smiled as Minho and Chan began to tease you two for executing the perfect kiss, saying that it looks too legit. They even mentioned saying you two looked like a nice couple.

In which you responded with a fake gag, earning a soft punch to your arm by Hyunjin himself. You giggled but you completely missed the way Changbin’s eyes were burning with jealousy from seeing you kiss Hyunjin.

He knows this was just an act but why was he so pressed by the simple kiss?

A few days later, you were in class when Hyunjin told you he was meeting his friends this weekend and asked if you wanted to join them. You weren’t sure if you wanted to but you decided to go along with it. He said they planned to watch a movie and maybe go to the pier. You nodded, agreeing to tag along since he offered you to come.

Weekend finally came and you had just left your apartment. You wore your denim skinny ripped jeans, a white cropped fitted tank top and a black oversized jacket.

Hyunjin told you he was going to pick you up so you met him at the roadside in front of your apartment building.

You both made it to the mall to queue for the movie tickets. Chan was queueing with Hyunjin so you were left with the others. You were just scrolling through your Instagram when someone fed you popcorn. You looked up to see Changbin holding two popped kernels in front of your lips. You unconsciously blushed as you opened your mouth to let him feed you.

Changbin chuckled after feeding you, only to pop some in his own mouth. You stood in between Changbin and Jeongin against the wall while Seungmin, Jisung, Felix and Minho were standing in front of you three.

They were just talking amongst themselves when you glanced over to the full bucket filled with caramel popcorn that Changbin was hugging.

He saw you looking so he took some out and held it up to your mouth.

“Ahh, it’s okay, I can take myself.” You said softly, gently pushing his hand away but instead, he said something that made your stomach churn in a good way.

“Don’t worry, I like feeding people.”

You stared at him for a second as he teasingly tapped the popcorns on your lips, making you giggle. Changbin fed you a few times, even after you’ve entered the cinema theatre. After the movie ended, all of you made your way to the pier.

Once there, you were walking past the game booths which had some very cute prizes. Just then, your eyes caught a glimpse of your favourite cartoon character as a prize for one of the booths.

It was Stitch.

You gasped as you eagerly reached out for whoever’s arm that was nearest to you, only to grab both Changbin’s and Seungmin’s forearms on either side of you before pointing to the booth with the Stitch soft toy.

“Guys look! It’s stitch! It’s so cute! Omg!” You giggled, hearing both of them chuckle as you jogged over to the booth. It was a game of shooting which you clearly weren’t good at. Just as you were pondering over the game, a familiar voice spoke up from behind you causing you to turn.

“One round please.” Changbin said as he handed the man his bill before the man gave him a loaded nerf gun.

“What are you doing?” You asked as Changbin simply smiled at you.

“Playing the game?”

“Of course I know that… but why?”

“For fun…” He smiled as he began to aim for the targets. He was getting the shots perfect so far. Barely missing any target. After a stressful close round, you watched as he won a prize. You didn’t know why but you thought he was going to choose something that was for himself.

But instead, the next thing you see was the man reaching up to grab the exact one that you’ve been eyeing all these while.

Changbin smiled as he thanked the man for the prize. But when he turned away from the man, you expected him to walk back to his friends. You didn’t expect him to give you the Stitch soft toy and then proceed to say innocently, “Take it.”

You raised your eyebrows at him softly, clearly taken aback by his offer.

“W-What?”

“It’s for you… You looked like you wanted it so bad.” Changbin chuckled as he gently took your hands and wrapped it around the toy to make you hug it.

“Changbin… thank you…” You whispered as he could only smile, guiding you back to where the guys were. The minute you came back to where some of them were, you excitedly showed off your prize.

“Jin ah! Look!” You exclaimed as Hyunjin gasped at the size of the soft toy.

“Woah! Where did you get this?”

“From that shooting booth! Isn’t he cute!”

“You won the shooting game?!” Hyunjin asked in shock, making you blush as you turned to Changbin. He had a soft smile on his face before he spoke up for you.

“I did. So I gave the prize to her.”

The guys began to tease as Changbin rolled his eyes thickly at them.

“Oh? Was that a gift to her?” Minho smirked.

“Never thought I’d see the day Seo Changbin goes out of his way to win a prize for a girl…” Jisung teased. Changbin simply brushed all their comments off as you all continued walking. You have been hugging the soft toy for the past hour wherever you went, earning soft laughs from the guys. Just then, Hyunjin wanted to take pictures at the pier.

Felix was helping to take Hyunjin’s pictures while Chan was helping to take Minho, Jisung, Seungmin and Jeongin’s picture.

You were just burying your face in the soft toy when Changbin’s voice softly spoke up from beside you, “Do you like it that much?” With that, you turned to him and a bright smile decorated your face, warming his heart even more.

“I’ve loved it since I was young! He’s so cute! Don’t you remember? I used to bring my small stuffed-” You were rambling excited until you stopped yourself when you realized what you were doing. “Oh! Sorry! Sorry… I got a little carried away there…” You apologized as you avoided his gaze but you missed the little smile growing on his face.

But what he said next made your heart stop for a split second, almost not believing your ears.

“I remember…” He whispered so softly, you could’ve missed it if you weren’t properly listening. You whipped your head around as you stared at him in shock.

“You… do?” Your voice was quiet as his eyes held the galaxy.

But your little moment gets cut when Felix calls you over to take a picture with Hyunjin who deliberately drags you away from Changbin. He could only smile as he nods at Hyunjin’s figure behind you, signalling you to just go follow him.

You frowned as you stood beside Hyunjin and proceeded to take a few memorable pictures with him. After everyone was almost done taking pictures, you didn’t want the memory to go to waste so you turned to Hyunjin and quietly asked when the rest of the guys were already walking away.

“Jinie, can you take one picture of me with Changbin?”

“Why?”

“Just for memories…” You smiled and you definitely saw the confused look on his face but nonetheless, he smiled and called the boy over. When Changbin was standing in front of you, Hyunjin told him what you wanted. Changbin looks at you and a smile creeps onto his face before he agrees to it.

You soon reached down to slide your hand in his and brought him to the edge of the pier. You stood beside him with the huge soft toy in your arms. Right when Hyunjin was just trying to find the right angle, you felt Changbin snake his arm around your waist and pulled you closer into his side.

Your heart was palpitating against your chest as he turned to you and whispered softly in your ear, “I’m sorry for being distant back then. I hope you can forgive me and we can start fresh? Properly this time?”

You turned to him, only to find his face just inches away from you. At this moment, neither of you dared to move an inch.

Just then, you heard Hyunjin’s voice counting down from 3.

You turned to Hyunjin and back to Changbin, wanting to ask what pose you two should do. But the moment you turned to Changbin, he gave you no warning whatsoever as he simply pressed his lips against yours sweetly. You closed your eyes in bliss, enjoying the feeling when you heard the click of the camera followed by Hyunjin screaming excitedly.

Changbin was the one to pull away as his lips lingered over your for a second. You struggled to look at him, feeling your cheeks burn from embarrassment. “Was that okay?” He whispered, making you nod.

“Hey! Since when are you two a thing?! And secretly behind my back too?! Pfft…” Hyunjin scoffed but his cheeky smirk didn’t go unnoticed.

“Yeah… about that, we still have a lot to clear between us…” Changbin said as he rubbed the back of his neck nervously but you helped him clear the air before Hyunjin got more confused with the situation.

“Let’s just say we have an unfinished history between us and we’re going to settle it once and for all, okay?” With that, Hyunjin nods as he wished you and Changbin good luck. The 3 of you rejoined the group, only for them to ask where you three were. Hyunjin simply said taking pictures, completely hiding the fact that he just witnessed his best friend kiss his close friend.

On the way to all your vehicles, Hyunjin asks if you wanted to ride home with Changbin instead and that he could send Jisung home. You turned to Changbin who overheard your conversation with Hyunjin.

You saw him smile as he shrugged his shoulders, so you turned to Hyunjin and felt your lips curving upwards into a soft expression, “I’d love that.”

With that, Changbin told Jisung the plan and the younger could only nod happily despite not knowing the true intentions of the car swap. After all of you had said your goodbyes, you followed Changbin to his car and he soon drove off after you told him your address.

The car ride was filled with jokes and laughter, purposely avoiding the main talks first until you got to your apartment.

You let him in, telling him to take a seat while you went to make him a drink. After you came back with his iced chocolate, you sat down with him on the couch. He took a few sips of it before he finally spoke up.

“Is it okay if we start over? I know I wasn’t the warmest when I was young… I barely socialize with you and your brother… I guess I was just too shy and a little antisocial back then.”

You smiled as you reached up to cup his face gently in your hand. “It’s okay Binie. I didn’t understand why back then but now I know.” You whispered, feeling him lean into your touch.

You didn’t know who leaned in first but the next thing you knew, you were kissing him.

On the lips.

Changbin wraps his arms around your waist as he pulls you onto his lap. Your heart was racing rapidly in your chest. He kisses you passionately, rubbing soft circles into your skin. Just then, your breath hitched in your throat when his lips left yours only to make his way down your neck.

“Changbin…” You whispered breathily, making him smirk against your skin.

You swiftly took off his shirt, pulling it over his head before doing the same for you. Changbin took a second to admire your body, seeing this much skin on you for the first time.

“Wow…” His voice soft, feeling yourself get shy all of a sudden. He chuckled as he kissed your lips to distract you.

He took his time with you, making sure he wasn’t hurting you in any way. He brought you to your room after a good amount of time on the couch. He had been so respectful of you that he would always ask for your permission to touch you anywhere. He left you wanting more.

He made sure to clean you after spending your time together before pulling you against him to cuddle. You couldn’t help but prop yourself on your elbow as you rested one hand on his bare chest, softly caressing it before sliding your hand up to cup his face.

“I’m so happy I found you again.” You whispered as he giggled. His eyes crinkled into two crescent moons that disappeared as soon as he smiled.

“I could say the same for you too.” Changbin said as he kissed you sweetly. Both of you fell into a deep slumber a few minutes later, waking up the next day feeling so warm and full in your hearts. You were happy that you met him again after all these years. Who knew you would end up with the boy whom you used to live next door to.

~~~

#stray kids scenarios #stray kids imagines #skz x reader #seo changbin fluff #stray kids changbin #skz changbin fluff #skz scenarios #skz changbin scenarios #skz seo changbin #stray kids x reader

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lovingrosewho · 4 years ago

Text

Fake Dating (pt. 5)

Part 1 // Part 2 // Part 3 // Part 4

It’s finally here! The last part of this mini-series! The longest part as well! I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it, thanks to everyone who reads, who comments, who asks to be tagged, you really can’t even imagine how much it means to me, the whole 6.7k total words of this fic are already worth it just because of you! Any feedback is highly welcomed :-) Did you like it? Would you have preferred for it to be just 2-3 longer chapters? Were the characters ok? Any thoughts you have in mind 🥰 Prompts “Enjoying the view?” and “I can’t believe you are actually wearing my clothes” taken from this post by @sinnabonka 💕

MULTICHAPTER

Pairing: Crowley x Reader

Rating: T. Fluff

Word count: 2k

Summary: Sam and Dean Winchester need your help with a case, which involves pretending to date the King of Hell.

Warnings: none

Sam’s look is pure confusion, whereas Dean’s...

“What the hell?!” he exclaims. You can tell the only thing stopping him from punching Crowley is that the shock of the image before him has glued his feet to the floor.

“Now we’re in trouble” Crowley jokes lowly. You sigh and roll your eyes in boredom, standing up from the couch and walking over to Sam who is holding your coat with one hand and a gun on the other.

“Thank you” you say more politely than usual so they can note the irony “I thought I’d might die of hypothermia”.

Dean is still staring at Crowley, the engines inside his head must be running a thousand miles per hour deciding if to beat the crap out of him or thank him for keeping you alive. Crowley walks to you, noting Dean’s look and frankly, not caring, lifting your face up in his hands.

“I’ll be seeing you around, kitten” he mutters before vanishing in front of you, leaving you to deal with the family drama. You turn around to see the Winchesters looking at you expectantly, waiting for an explanation you’re not willing to give them yet, so you walk past them and towards the car.

The ride is tense, you’re in utter quiet, back on the passengers seat. You can see how Dean holds the wheel angrily, he won’t even let Sam put any music, even though the younger brother is just looking for the right words to say.

“I can’t believe it” Dean finally speaks, after a long-ass half hour of silence, and you snap.

“Oh so now you can’t believe it? This was your idea!” you reclaim yelling.

“Guys...” Sam interrupts taking a deep breath but none of you listen to him.

“Oh well excuse me for making you make out with the freaking King of Hell!” Dean yells as well, ignoring Sam.

The whole ride goes like that, screaming and recriminating at each other, Sam puts his earbuds on, massaging his temples with his fingers as well, praying to God you get to the bunker quickly so everyone can take some time off before discussing the whole Crowley and you matter.

After about fifteen minutes, you do exactly that, arriving to the bunker, throwing your heels on the War Room, not caring about breaking something, storming into your bedroom next, slamming the door with a bang. Dean’s about to go after you but Sam stops him, so he only turns up the warding as far as it can go.

You spend hours tossing and turning in bed, just to get up, walk in circles like a caged lion, and back to bed.

At about 4am or so, you can’t stand the feeling anymore and get out of your room on your tiptoes, listening to Sam and Dean snore through their doors, you take it as a cue to sneak out of the bunker as quietly as possible. When you’re on the outside highway, you call Crowley.

He appears in front of you not two rings into the call, with his hands inside his pockets and an intrigued look.

“So?” he asks heading your way slowly “How did the dynamic duo take it?”

“Not good” you confirm shrugging, extending your arms to hug him. He embraces you firmly, breathing in your scent.

“I’m sorry I left like that, but you understand, the hardy boys over there would have killed me had I stayed any longer. I tried to come into your bedroom but for some reason I couldn’t” he tells you and you nod.

“Yeah no, it would’ve been worse handling all that stuff with you there. And yes they... Dean turned up the warding” you explain.

“Of course” he says in a tired way, not letting you go.

“I’ll turn it down, they’re already asleep” you say, separating from him and taking his hand instead, conducting him to the door of the bunker, but to your very shabby surprise, Sam and Dean are waiting for you inside, Dean’s arms crossed across his chest and Sam’s mouth in a grimace, giving you an apologetic look.

“Dean, I don’t have time for this” you say going towards the warding. Crowley’s semblance appears calm and even a bit amused, but you can feel his hand slightly tensed in yours.

“Me neither, sweetheart. It’s late, we’re tired, and oh, I already lowered the warding” he says mockingly. You turn to him again, exasperated.

“Alright, (Y/N), we just want to understand,” Sam says, stopping another loud argument from happening “what the hell?”

You sigh, about to recite hour to hour what happened, but Crowley lets go of your hand swiftly and moves it to your shoulder, speaking up.

“It wasn’t her fault” he says, looking at both the Winchesters one at a time “If you’re about to scold anyone, Dean, it’s me, not her”.

“Damn right I am” Dean says, taking a few steps forward intimidatingly, but Sam, as the true moderator he is, raises one hand in annoyance as a heads up for Dean to stay where he is.

“Okay, then, Crowley, man, what the hell?” Sam asks, genuinely bewildered “We leave her with you for a few hours and-and, you’re kissing her?”

You can tell by Crowley’s look and stand, he’s doing his absolute best not to retort with some, witty-out of the place, comment. Since you’re still on top of the stairs, he snaps you both down to be leveled with the Winchesters.

“I like him” you say before Crowley’s even able to respond himself “I love him”.

Now the three men are looking at you like you’ve lost your mind.

“And I love her too” Crowley admits as well, still looking at you taken aback by your words.

“But you’re a demon” a stunned Sam interrupts the scene “Can you even love?”

“Yes, Moose” Crowley rolls his eyes “Apparently, since you two morons dosed me with human blood till derogation, my whole demon-system has... gone soft. As you very eloquently put it”.

You chuckle slightly, knowing that’s just partially true, even before they sedated him with that, he was already very fond of you.

Dean hasn’t said a word nor moved while Sam has been doing all the talking, but suddenly, he walks towards you and encircles you in a hug, kissing the top of your head.

“Dean?” you call unsure about this unexpected behavior.

“I know you know what you’re doing kiddo” he says almost inaudibly “I just... worry too damn much about you, but you can take better care of yourself than either Sam or me can”.

You feel a single tear rolling down your cheeks and landing on Dean’s shoulder. He separates to look at you, his grip on your forearms, a persistent form of protection and reassurance.

“Is this really what you want?” he asks carefully “Cause if it is... I mean I hate it. But I understand, I won’t get on your way. As long as he doesn’t hurt you. ‘Cause if he does...”

“You’ll smite me till beyond hell itself? Yes, Squirrel, we’ve heard that one before” Crowley interrupts him. Dean’s grip tenses on you, but he takes a deep breath, likely counts till ten, and looks affirmatively at Crowley “Good. Now that we could work this out like the highly functioning enemies we are, may I have (Y/N) back?”

“This is what I want” you say to Dean “It’s my decision”.

Dean nods, resigned, hugs you one last time and lets you go to Crowley’s side, holding his hand.

“Take care” Sam tells you waving his hand in the air. Dean is obsessively biting the nail of his thumb, probably regretting the choice of letting you go off with him, but it’s too late, Crowley vanishes the two of you and in a fraction of a second, you’re standing in his chambers in hell.

“That went... awfully pleasant” Crowley declares with both his eyebrows arched, just before he pulls you to him, still holding your hand and grabbing the one that was missing, putting carefully aside a lock of hair and placing it behind your ear as he looks at you in the eyes.

“Mmmh” you hum in response, throwing your arms on top of his shoulders and encircling them behind his neck, swiftly rocking you both right and left “Dean’s probably already regretting his decision”.

Crowley chuckles and nods in agreement until you yawn.

“Oh, kitten, I forgot” he says separating slightly from you, holding your face in his hands “You haven’t slept in... almost 24 hours”.

You yawn again just when yoo were about to retort.

“Say no more” Crowley says with a grin, clicking his fingers, dressing you both in satined pajamas. You laugh loudly.

“Of course you would sleep in satin” you mock giving him a playful look, taking his hand again, making him follow you to the bed, decorated with black gold and red velvet details.

“If you think you’re making me sleep with those, frankly horrific, band t-shirts you wear, well darling, you’re out of your mind” he affirms, making you laugh.

“What scares me the most is you noticing exactly what I sleep in” you tease getting under the covers, making room for Crowley to get in next to you. He rolls his eyes at your statement.

“You’re not exactly the dress-up type, darling” he teases equally, following your lead and getting under the covers with you, turning to his side to face you “I’ve seen you several times walking around in the bunker in those same t-shirts, a pair of pajama shorts and flip-flops. Which, by the way, you’re never making me wear either. Ever”.

“Yet” you giggle “They’re comfortable. And admit it, I look good on them”.

Crowley hums, extending an arm across your waist, drawing you closer to him.

“Do demons even sleep?” you ask when you feel drowsiness tugging at your eyelids, adjusting your head in Crowley’s chest, letting him cuddle you.

“We don’t, but we can if we want, for a few hours” he assures you “You sleep well, kitten, I’m not going anywhere”.

You nod sheepishly and begin to drift in the soft surge of your sleep.

When you wake up the next morning, almost afternoon, you find Crowley right beside you, still heavy on sleep, gentle breaths coming out of him as his chest moves lightly up and down.

You get up quietly, tip-toeing to his wardrobe on the other side of the room, losing the top part of the satin pajama and picking one of his suit shirts instead, putting it on, fastening only the three buttons of the center. After a few minutes, Crowley wakes up.

“Enjoying the view?” you ask brightly, turning your head towards him for a moment, watching him shift slightly up to a position where his arm is bent and his head is resting on his hand.

“What are you doing there, kitten?” he questions softly, his voice still husky with sleep “Come back to bed”.

You turn around fully this time and he seems to be more awaken suddenly.

“Everything all right?” you interrogate.

“Yes-very much so. It’s just... I can’t believe you are actually wearing my clothes” he exclaims, the corners of his mouth slightly lift “I don’t expect you to know how much that shirt cost”.

You grin widely, walking to the bed slowly, throwing yourself to it afterwards, not taking your eyes off of him.

“No. Does it matter?” you ask again, tone still teasing. He shakes his head.

“Not at all. It’s yours” he states, rolling on top of you, placing his hands at your sides, lowering to kiss you deep and passionate.

“You know I’m eventually gonna need to get up and get back to hunting, right?” you mumble, running your fingers through his beard and lips.

“As much as it pains me, yes. That’s why I’m intending to keep you here for as long as I can” he says, nuzzling his nose in your hair, inhaling your scent.

“I could do with that” you tell him happily, entangling your legs behind his hips and your arms in his neck, kissing him once again. Swaying, tender lips across his.

The End

MASTERLIST // TAG LIST: @enby-thesbian @agent-smulder

#supernatural fanfiction #supernatural fic #crowley #crowley supernatural #crowley x reader #crowley x reader fic #crowley x reader fanfiction #crowley fic #crowley fanfiction #crowley fanfic #crowley spn #crowley x y/n #crowley x you #crowley masterlist

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bonvoyagenoona · 4 years ago

Text

In the Margins (M) - Chapter 4 - Fall

Word Count: 13,338

Pairings: Yoongi x Reader

Genres: Writer AU / Writer!Yoongi / Editor!You / Editor!Reader / New Relationship / Fluff / Smut / Angst / Humor / Songfic (takes inspiration from Dear My Friend by Agust D)

Rating: 18+ / Explicit / Mature

In the Margins | Masterpost

In the Margins | Playlist

Author’s Note: Three additional influences for this particular chapter are things that I hold dear. The first is Mad Girl’s Love Song by Sylvia Plath. The second is Yoongi’s own take on BTS’s work. The third is A Valediction: Forbidding Mourning by John Donne.

But this is it, y’all. This story means so much to me. This is the first complete BTS fic I’ve written, and the first fiction work I’ve completed in a decade. It encapsulates everything that BTS and Yoongi and August D and ARMY have reminded me to prioritize: self-acceptance, self-love, openness to life no matter how painful it can be at times, and the resulting joy of finding others to connect with. We were born to be real. Not perfect.

Also, I wholeheartedly fell in love with this Writer!Yoongi (and the real Yoongi, who I suspect is a stronger bias-wrecker than I initially acknowledged). I am going to miss spending copious amounts of time wondering what Writer!Yoongi is thinking and feeling. So much so that I kept putting off writing this chapter, and then kept adding to it. It’s much longer than the others, and a lot of things happen, but I hope you enjoy this last thrill, and that this version of Yoongi continues to live on with you somehow.

04: Fall

Like with everything, you have a routine for getting ready for work events. You take a half day on Friday to get your hair glossed and nails done. You go to bed early. You wake up and putter around your apartment, and then you take a nap to make sure you have enough energy to mingle with the arts and culture scene that you hate-love for the entire evening. Around 4:00, you hop in the shower. You make sure to pre-pack your clutch with your tiny travel emergency kit, which contains a couple of painkillers and antacids, a needle and black thread, a detergent stick for food stains, and a $20 bill. After that, it’s two hours of hair and makeup set to your and Namjoon’s shared, and jokingly titled, Lo-Fi Beats To Schmooze and Sell Out To playlist. It doesn’t just have lo-fi beats, and it’s equal parts entertaining and empowering.

When 5:20 rolls around, you take a step back from the mirror and admire your loud, jewel-toned eyes and the skin-tight, long-sleeved black jumpsuit, with its plunging neckline and cinched waist. You aren’t always on point, but you can put yourself together pretty well when it counts.

The car arrives right on time at 5:30, and thankfully, traffic is sparse enough that you get to the gallery at 5:50.

The event isn’t set to start until 7:30, but you’ve budgeted in time with your event planning team to dot Is and cross Ts. You swap a couple of the flower arrangements. One of the food vendors had to bow out, but someone on your team pulled some strings for a good alternative. Soon, guests start to arrive, and staff take their places.

You hover around the front to make sure Yoongi is taken care of when he arrives. You start to worry when he’s still not there by 6:45, but thankfully, Namjoon is there, and he’s brought Tara.

Tara is exactly like Library Girl. She seems just as smart, just as gorgeous, and just as intriguing. It’s scary how easily she and Namjoon fit together, as if they were created that way. You gush about how great of a pair they make, but a part of you is sad that you didn’t get to pick out his tuxedo for the evening.

Namjoon steals a moment alone with you by the book table, standing beside you and watching the crowd start to build.

“Our biggest event yet,” he says to you, proudly.

“I know. Crazy. Have your guests arrived?”

“Yeah, including two of the rich investors that I met at that swanky conference.” He looks at you. “You need anything?” he asks.

“No,” you lie, as usual.

A server walks by with a tray of glasses of champagne, and Namjoon takes two anyway. He hands you one.

“Everything is fine,” Namjoon reassures you, reading your mind. “This is his event. Yoongi’s got all the time in the world.”

“I know,” you say, but you still sound anxious.

“What is it, then?”

“I don’t know.”

Namjoon waits as Yoongi’s face flashes in your mind. It’s set the way his face looked when he left. Each time the image pops up, he’s in a different place or outfit, but it’s always wearing the same empty expression. You haven’t been able to work, sleep, shower, or drink your way from it. Yes, you are impulsive, but there are a handful of moments in your life, moments when it really counted, when you froze. Only in hindsight did you realize that they tended to be moments when you regretted it. You didn’t want to have another regretful moment with Yoongi.

“Tara’s awesome,” you say.

“She absolutely is. But don’t change the subject.”

“I’m not. I’m saying… Tara’s awesome.”

Namjoon listens, like he always does.

“...How did you know?” you ask. “Y’know. Other than the sea life stuff.”

“Well, it was mainly the sea life stuff.”

“I’m not kidding.”

“Me neither,” Namjoon says. “It was mainly the sea life stuff. At first. But then it went deeper. And there came a point where I just decided to give it a try.”

“Are you scared at all?” you ask.

“A little. Sometimes a lot.”

The way Namjoon says it so simply gives you clarity.

You feel him glance sideways at you before looking back at the crowd. “You know what really let me know?” he asks.

“What?”

“You.”

“Me? How?”

“You picked out the outfit,” he says, grinning. “You were there the whole time.”

You look back at him. “I’m just glad Tara has great taste in suits,” you say, trying to smile.

Namjoon turns his entire body toward you, stepping in front of you and shoving his face between you and the crowd. “Hey,” he says softly, bending his knees a little to meet you at your eye-level and fastening his pupils to your gaze. He grasps your shoulders. “I got nervous about that, too. But we never have to be scared about losing each other. Never.”

You nod. “It’s just been the two of us for so long, Joonie,” you sigh, fighting back tears. “I don’t really know how to be with anyone else.”

He hugs you. “One night, when Tara and I were having dinner, I just started referencing Professor Lee’s class out of nowhere. You should have seen the look on her face. I made absolutely no sense to her. She said it was like I was having a stroke in the middle of our conversation.”

“What happened next?” you ask, just barely holding it together. After all, you did spend ages on makeup.

Namjoon pauses to reflect. “I had to backtrack, figure out a new way to tell the story, I guess.”

You smile weakly. You can do that. That is already what you do.

Namjoon knows he’s won you over, and not a moment too soon, because Jungkook is texting you to let you know they’re pulling up.

You and Namjoon meet their car outside. Given everything you’ve just told Namjoon, he’s in his protective brother stance. But you’re back in your power stance like nothing happened.

And as Jungkook steps out of the town car, he gapes at you standing there and smiling, leering at you from your heeled boots up to your perfect mane. He dips back down to your showy neckline and lingers there. His tongue pokes the inside of his cheek, and his head tilts slowly as he takes you in. As he meets your eyes again, he strokes his chin with his thumb and licks his lips.

It feels nice to be the one to elicit that reaction from him, for a change.

Amazingly, he looks even more attractive this way, and it’s not just his impeccably tailored navy suit or crisp white shirt with a plunging neckline of its own. It’s the hint of lust in his eyes.

You hug him, and he says, “You’re a knockout,” so cooly that your skin tingles. You feel him rub your back not as a greeting, but as if he’s feeling for something.

You pull away. “You’re still obsessed with my bra?” you ask, smirking. “After everything we’ve been through?”

“I will always be obsessed with your bra,” Jungkook says, smiling so devilishly that you can’t help but laugh.

“Where’s your date?” you ask.

“He’s just finishing up a call,” Jungkook says, and Yoongi steps out of the car, putting his phone in his left inside breast pocket.

Now, it’s your turn to ogle. He looks so different. Honestly, if Yoongi turned up wearing hot pants, a belly chain, and cherry red hair, you would have still counted tonight as a success. But his hair is back to its natural black. And he has a new haircut. It’s shorter on the sides. And it’s actually styled? It’s wavy and more textured than usual, kind of like the day you got caught in the rain. You see three earrings dangling from his left ear. Did he have piercings this whole time? His suit has a wide black lapel and a funky, gray-gold-black square pattern. His simple black bowtie has a thread of gold outlining it, which matches his gold, square cufflinks. His tuxedo shirt is pressed, and his black pants and patent leather shoes are immaculate.

Yes, he looks different, and he looks fucking good .

Yoongi approaches slowly, joining you and Jungkook at the curb.

You don’t know if you should shake hands, or even hug, so you do neither. You tell yourself that this doesn’t count as a freeze, and you quickly usher Namjoon in to greet them.

As they exchange congratulations and pleasantries, you watch Yoongi from off to the side as you greet a few more guests on their way in. Yoongi’s eyes dart over to you every now and then, and he eventually pats Namjoon on the arm to excuse himself. You swear you see Namjoon and Jungkook fist bump before they head inside.

“Hi,” you say.

“Hey,” he says, softly.

The look that Yoongi is giving you is lustful like Jungkook’s, but there’s something else behind it, too. A different type of wanting.

“You look really good,” he mentions.

“Thanks. So do you.”

“Thanks.”

He opens his arms slightly, and you walk into them rigidly. But as soon as he places his arms around you, it feels safe enough for you to sink into him a little bit. His body feels so strong. He lets out a soft grunt when he feels you against him. Like he’s missed you. Being in his arms like this is mesmerizing. Both of you now somehow know something that you needed to know before walking inside, and it makes all the difference.

You pull away a little, and you notice a new detail. A teal and gold peacock feather pinned to a pocket square made of purple silk.

At the risk of looking too intimate, you place a hand on his chest, and then you run your fingers along the pocket square’s edge, careful not to disturb it. You look up at him.

Yoongi smiles sadly. “Jungkook made it for me. For tonight.”

You don’t know if tonight’s audience of the publishing elite will pick up on the heaviness in the air, let alone understand it. But maybe it’s better that way. Maybe it’s better that it’s a pocket square instead of a tie.

He takes your hand in his.

“Will you help me through this?” he asks.

With duty calling, you shift back into your power stance and angle yourself toward the front doors of the gallery.

“No sweat.”

In a few moments, you’re standing at the podium, asking everyone to give you just a bit of time to introduce you to the author that you’re celebrating this evening. The crowd is a sea of already-tipsy friends, co-workers, rivals, critics, and fans. With a group like this, in an industry that thrives on negativity, you point out that it’s strange for everyone to agree, but you all do. And that is because you’ve been brought together by this incredible mind.

You introduce Yoongi to the stage, and as everyone applauds, you make your way to Namjoon and Tara somewhere in the middle of the crowd. Jungkook yells Yoongi’s name from the bar, making Yoongi flash a gummy smile in spite of himself.

He sets a small notebook on the podium and clears his throat before speaking.

“What has he got in store for us now?” Namjoon whispers to you, excited.

You realize that you haven’t read his speech. You tell him so, and you both settle in to see how it goes.

“Well, I certainly didn’t think I’d see Kwan here after my last review,” he jokes. Everyone laughs, and one of the restaurateurs providing appetizers gives a wave to the crowd. You smile to yourself. Of course Yoongi’s charming as fuck in front of a mic.

Yoongi looks out at everyone. “I don’t really have much to say about this book that isn’t already between its covers. This story is something I’ve lived with for a very long time, and it wasn’t easy. I had buried it within me for so long that I forgot that stories are supposed to be told.”

He pauses. “I’m really grateful for this chance to tell it. And that’s what I want to do with this event. I want you to think of tonight as a big thank you to all of you for listening.”

A breath. He looks fondly at people in the crowd as he mentions them. “There are a few of you who played some special roles in getting us to where we are today. You may have given me my first writing job. You may have hired me for your food blog. For those of you who don’t know, Jungkook, my best friend, he actually sent the manuscript to Fig Tree without me knowing. And it all went downhill from there.”

People are gobbling up this story, and reporters are taking tons of pictures. Yoongi’s looking at Jungkook with a scowl, but laughing. Jungkook is leaning on the bar, holding two fingers of whiskey in the sky. This is a PR gold mine.

But for the first time at an event like this, you’re not thinking about that. Your eyes are steadfast on Yoongi, helping him round the corner and take it home.

“I know there are all these positive reviews and pre-sales coming in, and I’m thankful for that, too. It’s something I never thought I’d accomplish in my career, truthfully. I hope to build off of this success to tell other stories. I have so many. But I would be remiss not to share that I think the true metric of success for me is something more existential.

His eyes roam the crowd again. “I’ve learned through this process, and with a little guidance, that purpose is more important than the goal, and I genuinely find the most meaning from this experience in the connection that I was able to make with you.”

His eyes finally find you, and when he smiles at you, the apples of his cheeks shine in the stage light. “You helped me find peace where I thought I’d never find it. So, if all of this goes away, like it so often and inevitably does, please know that you have had a profound and indelible effect on me, and my purpose is to do the same.”

The crowd applauds, and your heart swells.

You almost want to sabotage the rest of the evening so that you can cut the event short and throw yourself at him in one of the back offices. But you play the game like the consummate professional that you are. You flutter in and out of people’s conversations, asking how they’ve met or learned about Yoongi, reaffirming whatever they say with some way that it’s connected to his writing. You pay special attention to people out for booze and sex and danger, and you drop some of the jucier, more scintillating tidbits from the book. However you get them there, you watch them all eventually wander to the signing table to get copies from Yoongi, who is signing as fast as he can. Everywhere, you’re meeting people from Yoongi’s past, raving about how amazing he is, how incredible you must be for capturing his essence, and how refreshing it is to see him opening up.

At times, you feel Yoongi’s eyes on you from the book signing table, and when you do, you do something to hold his attention for just a bit longer. Toss your hair and meet his gaze. Run your hand down the fabric of your neckline. Turn and show your ass with a little wiggle.

The crowd eventually dissipates, liquored up and in search of the next social hotspot, and it’s up to you and a few dedicated members of your team to do the last checks for the night. You do one quick run around the back exhibit. You pick up a couple of abandoned champagne flutes and down both in two quick gulps. Easier to carry back that way, you tell yourself.

“Want a full bottle from the bar?” Yoongi says from somewhere behind you. “Or just straight from the hose? In a trough, if you prefer? You’re a lady, after all.”

You smile to yourself. You turn around and see him walking up to you. “Is that the new, critical darling of the arts that I see?”

“No, I think that’s Jungkook,” Yoongi says. “Did you see the way that curator was hanging all over him?”

You share a laugh.

He takes the champagne flutes from your hands and gingerly sets them down on the floor. As he stands, he reaches for your hands. He holds them in his, running his thumbs across your skin, massaging your knuckles.

“Yoongi,” you sigh, and it’s all tumbling out of you. “That speech.”

He somehow knows to just listen. Like Namjoon would. Like you need.

“That night,” you continue. “I shouldn’t have let you leave.”

He brings your hand to him and places the back of your fingers against his cheek. He closes his eyes at your touch, then opens them again. No one has ever looked at you this way. Craving. It’s torturous. It’s wonderful.

“Why did you?”

You let out a breath and open your hand, holding his cheek and rubbing your thumb against his temple. “I was scared.”

"Are you still?” he asks, his eyes patiently watching you, his voice low.

“Yes.”

He’s about to pull away and slow things down, but you ignore the impulse to cool things off and instead, take his face in both your hands, and kiss him softly.

The corners of his lips turn up, and he kisses you back. He pulls you into him, and you let his hands travel to the small of your back as you slide your hands up his lapel and around his neck. He touches the tip of his nose on your cheek and watches for your reaction. You lean into him, wanting more. He kisses you on the same spot, and a rush of heat runs through your body.

He plants kisses in a path from that spot down to your jaw line, each softer than the last.

You think he’s going to land on your lips next, but instead, he places a hand on the back of your neck and leans your head back. He licks the trail of kisses and bites on your bottom lip, sucking it so hard that you think it will burst.

“Oh,” you moan when he pulls away.

He hugs you close to him, and you welcome the feel of his lean muscles against you. You kiss deeply now, and you soon feel heat at your core. It’s spreading. Fast.

“I wanted just you, but there were all those people,” he whispers.

You go a little slack-jawed, panting to catch your breath, and Yoongi bites his lip at the sight of it. He boldly moves one of his hands from your waist to cup the crotch of your pants.

A gasp escapes from your mouth. He’s feeling all of you, slightly digging his fingers to part your lips as best as he can and running his thumb across the fabric that is moistening at his touch.

“I don’t want an audience for the rest of the night.”

You start to shudder, and you hook the crook of your elbow around Yoongi’s neck for balance.

You whine warningly.

He gives you one slow, dreamy kiss as he brings his hand back to your waist. “Let’s go to yours,” he says.

You become those people you hate, the ones that spend weekends stumbling out of bars and going at it like college kids in the back of rideshares. Except you’re in a limo, and the rolled-up partition is a sign that you have some amount of decency. You don’t have much, though, because you’re perched on Yoongi’s lap, grinding down hard. Even through your clothes, you can feel that he’s growing bigger and bigger. You give yourself a mental high-five for your own outfit. Yoongi is kissing down the parts of your chest that are exposed, licking where the curve of your breast meets your sternum. As you grind, you start to hit a rhythm. His deep, sexy moans between your kisses are spurring you on, and he has to grab you by your arms and pull you off of him to make you stop.

“What the fuck,” you say, pressing your sweaty forehead against the cool back of the leather seat and gasping for breath. “That felt so good.”

“The car is parking,” Yoongi laughs, kissing you and zipping up his pants the best he can.

The two of you straighten yourselves up and thank the irked driver before getting out of the car. Perhaps the partition wasn’t enough, you realize, as the cool air wakes you up a little, bringing you to your senses. You pull out your keys from your clutch and lead Yoongi up the front steps. He brushes your hair behind your ear as you unlock the door. He lays a kiss at your temple. You’re finding that the further you go, the easier it gets to let him in.

The street lamp illuminates the first foot or so of your entryway, but there’s only darkness after that. You both step out of your shoes and move slowly through the living room to your bedroom, your kisses softer. Though, now that you’re in a more private space, Yoongi is getting handsier. He slips his fingers in the space between your collarbone and your lapel and runs them over your skin, sucking in his breath through his teeth when he feels your nipple. You suck on his neck as he palms your ass, grabbing as much as he can fit into his hands. You arch back as he runs his fingers under and between the backs of your thighs, pressing all of him against you.

You run your hands through his hair as he unbuttons his suit jacket and lets it drop to the floor. You pull him toward you using the collar of his now very wrinkled tuxedo shirt. He works at his wrists, and you hear the charming clink of his cufflinks on the glass coffee table as you pass it by.

Another unrushed kiss brings you all the way to the bedroom door. Yoongi pauses and says, “I’ve never even seen your bedroom.”

“Of course not,” you laugh, loosening his tie as he kisses your neck. “But that was kinda my fault, wasn’t it?”

Yoongi pulls away and looks at you sheepishly. “No, I mean, I just now realized that you have a bedroom.”

“Where else would I sleep?”

“I never pictured us sleeping ,” escapes from Yoongi’s mouth before he realizes what he’s saying.

You think you might come right there at the image of him daydreaming about you. The two of you. Not sleeping. “You’ve thought about that?” you ask softly. “About... this?”

“Fuck, yes, I’ve wanted this for a while,” Yoongi tells you in a growl. “Didn’t you know that?” He pulls you in even tighter, hugging you with his surprisingly strong upper arms, raising you to your tiptoes. A shiver of goosebumps travel along your entire body.

You’re intrigued. You place your lips next to his ear. “What kind of stuff did you think about?” lowering your voice to match his growl, and he breathes you in.

You run your hands along his belt and graze his huge, strained cock slightly, forcing him to suck in another breath and hold you there. You’re learning that you love when he does that. Seeing him react like this to you makes you feel alluring and special.

“Let me show you,” he says, biting his lip and going in for another kiss.

You fall back onto your bed, and Yoongi hovers over you as he pulls his tie and tuxedo shirt off. He glances at the bedframe, pleased with how gigantic it is. This is going to be fun, exploring all this space, exploring you.

And you, him. The smooth, light ripples of his muscles along his arms, chest, and stomach delight you. He had been hiding them under coats and hoodies and shirts two sizes too big. You’re almost angry about it, realizing that you had been deprived of so much that you could have had, and knowing that it was your fault that you didn’t get it. He lunges forward, parting your lips with his tongue to kiss you and pressing his cock against you. You instinctively wrap your legs around his torso, and he moans as he feels more of you pushing up against him. He runs a hand down your left leg and places the heel of your left foot just above his ass. He stays there, continuing his motions like the moon pulling the tide, crashing and falling against you, rocking deeply and slowly, and you might fall asleep at how comforting it feels if it weren’t for the urgent swell of need at your pussy.

When he pulls slightly away you protest, but he runs his hands along the sides of your body, pulling the fabric of your jumpsuit away from you. He takes in the sight of your breasts with curious eyes and a half-open mouth.

“Oh man, Jungkook would die,” Yoongi says, and you dig your heel into his back, eliciting a small “ow!” from him as you both laugh. He smirks and bends to your chest, running his tongue over you, going slow so as to savor you.

You sit up, and he helps you out of your top as he kisses further and further down until he’s at your hips. You spread open for him, resting your toes on the edge of the bed before moving your hips up so that Yoongi can get you down to just your lingerie.

“Oh man, ” Yoongi mutters to himself, seriously this time.

He runs his fingers over the thin, black lines sectioning you into delicate shapes. He kisses the smooth, shaved spaces in between, no more fabric shielding you from his lips.

“Do you, um, always wear…?”

He has a sad look in his eyes. Just like you did moments before, he’s tallying up the times he’s seen you and is trying to figure out how many of those times you’ve hidden this sexy little gem from him.

He tugs upward on the band at your waist, shoving the strip of cloth into your slit and against your clit, making you buck your hips. His mouth hangs open as he watches you.

It feels so good that you decide to put him out of his misery. “I just got it yesterday,” you moan, turning your head as he plays with you. He hasn’t missed out on anything. This is all for him.

"Mm.”

He tugs again, and you gasp.

“Did you think about me?”

“Yes.”

Another tug, another jolt of pleasure.

“You’re soaking wet.”

“I always am when I think about you.”

He licks his lips, and he hurriedly slips out of his pants.

You smile to yourself. A small part of you gets off on feeling like maybe you know more about how to do this than you thought.

But now, you’re fully getting off on Yoongi’s tongue following the lines of your lingerie. It’s a completely new sensation to you, tickly but deliciously wet and warm. He throws in another couple of tugs for good measure. As things build, he slowly pulls the strings of your lingerie down your legs, and you feel evidence of your desire dragging down your skin along with them. He puts his mouth on all of you, only you, just like he wanted, and it feels incredible.

You’re about to come when you realize that you feel only one hand on you, resting just under your navel. Your eyes pop open and you look down at Yoongi. He’s eating you out like he’s starving, grunting through his meal, and quickly stroking his cock.

“No, wait,” you say, sitting up.

“You OK?” Yoongi asks, breathless.

“Yeah, stand up.”

Yoongi straightens, and you sit up, spreading your legs even wider. You place your hands on his waist and pull him closer to you. He relaxes his fist and lets go, and you see just how thick and long he’s grown.

“Damn,” you say, and you hear Yoongi exhale.

You kiss his torso and look up at him. “Can I---”

“Abso-fucking-lutely.”

“Tell me, OK?” you say, nervously. “Tell me how you like it. It’s… it’s been a while.”

Yoongi nods and closes his eyes in anticipation. The shudder you feel through his body is the biggest compliment. Your tongue runs from base to tip steadily, and you feel him continue to harden. You swallow him, going as deep as you can, and letting the wetness in your mouth drip with as much abandon as you let your pussy.

You place your palms on his ass cheeks and grab little mounds here and there as you go. You start to spread them, fingers hovering tantalizingly close to his hole. You press a finger there, and he moans full-throated in that sensual, silky smooth voice of his. It’s the best thing you’ve ever heard.

His hand finds its way into your hair, and he grabs fistfuls as you move him up and down inside of your throat, fingers circling him in back. He tries his best not to move, maybe because it feels so good, maybe out of fear of hurting you, but he can’t hold back a couple of thrusts. You clench down on him on each stroke, and your fingers keep moving. When it gets to be too much, he grabs your wrists, throws them away, and actually has to take a step back.

“Shit,” he pants, running his hands through his hair, “I didn’t have to say a thing.” He steps back towards you as you wipe your mouth with the back of your hand and smile.

He kisses you and pushes you onto your back.

“Wait, wait, wait. I wanna ride you,” you say, trying to get him to roll over.

Yoongi is more than happy to oblige, so he scrambles but lets out an annoyed yelp. He reaches behind him and pulls from your duvet the infamous manuscript, the spine of which has just jutted into his side. He moves to knock it to the ground with his elbow, but you grab it before he gets the chance.

“Yoongi! Be careful!”

“I’ll get you a brand new copy tomorrow,” he complains, clawing at you as you play keepaway. “A signed one, even. Apparently there’s a ton of them.”

“But there’s only one of these .”

“You’re right.”

Yoongi smiles dearly at you.

“God, you should see yourself right now.”

There’s enough light shining in through the gaps of your blackout drapes that you can see Yoongi’s face and the outline of his body. The way he’s gazing up at you is the same way his eyes saw only you during his speech, and it’s making you melt all over again. He looks absolutely exquisite in your sheets. You can only imagine the way he sees you, silhouetted by the light, clutching the manuscript to your bare chest. Is it really possible for someone to see you as exquisite, too?

You bite your lip, unsure.

“OK,” he says. “Don’t worry. I’ll be careful.”

Yoongi sits up, releases your fingers one-by-one from their grip on his pages, kissing each finger as he goes, and carefully places the book behind him on the bedside table. He turns back to your chest and kisses your breast, his hand massaging the other.

You grind and wind until you whimper in a dire tone, “condom, drawer”.

The sound of sliding wood, boxes rustling, and a wrapper being torn open cut through the thick air surrounding you.

You carefully angle the tip of his cock to rest against your opening, but when you try to slide down, it’s clear that he won’t fit.

Your eyebrows grow heavy with worry. You want him, now. But Yoongi’s confident smile reassures you. “No rush,” he whispers, placing his hand on you. He rubs you like he has been all night, and you let yourself get lost again. You rock back and forth and feel him slide a finger inside of you. Then two. Then three. You press your clit into the bend between his index finger and thumb, and he closes his hand, squeezing you. You squeeze him back, your hand gliding up and down his length already wet with pre-cum. The walls of your pussy tremble, and there’s a moment when you share a knowing look.

He helps you guide himself into you, and now, when you slide down, it’s just enough. He lets out a long, subdued, “Ooooh,” as your pelvis meets his and his cock disappears.

You involuntarily throw your head back. He’s stretching you out a bit more, further than you’ve ever gone. The mix of tension and pleasure is intoxicating. You take one of his hands and place it on your heart, his forearm resting in the space between your breasts. When it gets to be especially tense, your head lolls forward, and you suck on Yoongi’s fingers.

He runs his other hand through his hair, now drenched in sweat, as you fuck him, fast and hard.

Your thighs clap against his, and each smack makes Yoongi’s eyes clamp shut.

“It’s bad?” you ask, worried.

“Fuck no,” he sighs. “Don’t stop.”

You smile to yourself and close your eyes, continuing to remind yourself to be in the moment. You’re so used to monitoring and planning and evaluating. You had forgotten that this kind of thing is just as much about you trusting and enjoying yourself.

His eyes flash open. “I’m close.”

Good, you think. Because you aren’t able to hold out much longer.

He raises his hips, and you do your best to hover over him while he starts to thrust, even faster than you were going, and much, much deeper than he was. He lets out a groan, turns to his side a little, and leans on his elbow. He’s in you at an angle that catches you completely off-guard --- it feels like flares are exploding all around you. It’s impossibly hot, a warning sign.

“Oh god,” you whine. As you start to go slack, Yoongi props you up by holding onto your arm.

“Don’t wait,” Yoongi says, sensing that you’re holding back. “Take it.”

You shake your head.

He reassures you, “Please. Come for me. I want you to.”

Something is about to gush from you, and you’re practically convulsing already. Yoongi pulls you down to him and kisses you, running his hands all over you and in your hair. He holds you against him and moves in and out of you, your body completely limp against him, with you focusing all your energy to keep your pussy clenched tight.

He comes, and he lets his sobs out into his open-mouth kisses. Then, you let out a choked wail, and you finally, finally let yourself come.

Everything blends together. You forget where you are. You could be anywhere. You aren’t sure how long you take to ride each wave, or how long you lie there together catching your breath, but eventually, the rattling sound of a truck driving by stirs you.

You feel Yoongi lying underneath you.

“Yoongi?” you whisper lazily.

“Mmm?”

“Are you asleep?”

“Mmm.”

You smile to yourself.

It’s late morning when you wake, and Yoongi is no longer underneath you. You can’t figure out how, because you’re lying in exactly the same position that you were in the last time you were conscious.

You sit up and look for any sign of him, but other than the manuscript lying on the night table, you see no evidence of last night.

Feeling stupid and cold, you wrap yourself in your flat sheet and make your way to the shower. You turn it on, chastising yourself for falling for yet another guy who only wanted something from you.

Then again, you’ve been here before, and it’s something you know you can handle with time.

You let the sheet drop to the floor and climb in, welcoming the warm water on your skin. After you’re done, you step out of the shower and dry yourself off when you hear keys in your door. A list of who it could be suddenly scrolls through your mind, like your parents, or your brother, but you know it’s most likely going to be Namjoon, and he’s seen you in every state.

Getting ready to launch into an angry tirade, you walk into the living room, but it’s Yoongi that you see, dressed in his crumpled tux shirt and pants, hair a mess, carefully trying to lock the door back up without waking you.

“Oh,” you say, startling him. You aren’t sure if you’re relieved. You had already prepared yourself for rejection. You know it well. You aren’t really sure what a morning after looks like.

Yoongi peers at you, wet and covered by only that blanket. You try to hide a small smile.

“Sorry, I borrowed your stuff,” he says, blinking quickly and holding up your clutch. The thought of him in that getup holding your clutch in a line somewhere makes you laugh, but you stifle it.

“You didn’t have anything in your fridge. As usual.” He walks toward you. “I think I lost my wallet in the limo. I used your $20.”

“Where did you go?”

“Namjoon told me that you liked this place.” He raises his hands and shows you a familiar logo.

Yoongi has just enough time to set the coffee, croissants, and clutch down on the kitchen counter before you drape yourself around him, putting his hands on you where you want them, everywhere at once, grabbing at him so viciously that you might draw blood from his back.

He doesn’t mind. He wants you to dig in more. He kisses you back, grabbing your flesh wherever you choose to place his hands, but when he presses against you, you click your tongue and wince.

“Still sore?” he asks, pulling away from you and covering you back up with the bed sheet.

“I guess,” you realize, turning red.

Yoongi smiles. “Then we’ll take it easy today.”

“We?” you say, and Yoongi looks like he fears he’s made some sort of mistake. “I thought maybe you had work to do,” you explain quickly. “Or that you might want some alone time. Or that you---”

“Will you spend the day with me?” he asks.

You grin. “Yes.”

“Good. I was hoping you would.” He mirrors your grin, and you run a hand through his hair, bringing him to you to kiss him sweetly. So, you think to yourself, this is a morning after. And there will be an afternoon, and an evening, too.

You finish getting changed and ready in the bathroom as Yoongi lies on your couch, scrolling through his latest book reviews on his phone. He has on his clothes from last night, even the expensive suit jacket and tie that he conscientiously thought to hang up in your hall closet while you were asleep.

“Hey, did you know that I’m one of the top fiction voices to watch?” he calls out to you.

“Actually, I did,” you laugh.

“Hey,” he goes on, “did you know that my work is a breath of not-so-fresh air, the feel of your drunk best friend’s breath on your cheek, heavy with the weight of reality, no less beautiful or refreshing?”

“Oh, that’s beautiful. That’s gotta be Ari. His reviews are always so poetic.”

“ Dear My Friend describes the end of your first platonic love. Read it, and you might finally be able to get over it.”

You poke your head out from the bathroom. Yoongi is looking back at you meaningfully, his head hanging upside down over the edge of the couch. He smiles at you.

You’re smiling so big when you look back at your reflection in the mirror that you’ve smeared your eyeliner.

Yoongi pops up beside you, leaning in the doorway.

“Have I said thank you yet?”

“Uh,” you say, fixing the little bit of makeup you’ve decided to put on, “I think we both did, like, five or six times last night.”

“But have I said it?”

“...No.”

“Thank you.”

“Thank you, too.”

He stands behind you and slides his fingers into the belt loops of your jeans, just under your favorite big comfy sweater. He places his chin in the crook of your neck and watches you, kissing your exposed shoulder.

“I was thinking.”

“Mm-hmm?”

“The manuscript.” He smirks. “What was it doing in the bed?”

“I was re-reading it,” you say simply.

“How many times have you re-read it?”

“A lot, obviously.”

“I mean after we went into production. Best guess.”

“I don’t know. 20?”

“Why?”

“Just taking stock.”

He grins. “You walk around like you’re this badass. But I know your secret. You’re a sentimental sap.”

“Am not! And you’re one to talk! You’re the one who gave it to me. A keepsake, remember?”

He dodges you. “During which read did you think it might be a hit?”

You turn around to face him and hold his face in your hands. “I knew it the very first time I read it,” you say, looking deeply into his eyes.

He wasn’t expecting that. He looks like he might cry, but he tightens his jaw. He blinks, and his expression changes.

“...Did you always read it in bed?” he asks suggestively, and he gives you the kind of kiss that tells you to give up on the makeup.

There were ten stops on the subway between you and Yoongi, once. But now, you ride the train together, sitting side by side, his arm resting just so on the seat behind you. Not touching you, but there.

When you get to their apartment, Jungkook is absolutely radiant to see you together.

You wait in the living room as Yoongi showers.

In Hatred in Haste’s place hangs a series of charcoal sketches of lines and swipes that morph into body parts overlapping, the centerpiece of which is the outline of a shapely, round ass. When you asked him how his night with the curator was, you weren’t expecting near-photographic proof.

Jungkook smiles splendidly at you, wearing nothing but his boxers. You notice the amount of charcoal smeared all over his limbs, his shirtless abs, his exposed thighs, and you put two and two together.

“Is that all you do?” you joke. “Collect old napkins? Roll around on some paper?”

“That’s art, bay-bee!” Jungkook says, with the most charming, self-satisfied look that you’ve ever seen spread across his face.

On anyone else, that look would be absolutely infuriating. But on Jungkook, it belongs, and it’s well-deserved. No matter how ridiculous the story behind it, the work is actually really, really good.

Yoongi shuffles in from the bathroom, using the end of the towel hanging around his neck to rub his hair dry. He’s wearing a silk maroon robe and brown slippers. A faint memory of your first impression from Yoongi’s writing floats to mind, the one about the cabin in the pines and the tobacco pipe. You like that maybe you had it right all along.

“Have you seen this?” you ask incredulously, and Yoongi joins you.

He grimaces. “I don’t get it. It’s just a bunch of body parts? Speaking of which, Jungkook, can’t you put on a shirt at least?”

“But it’s about the movement,” you say. You turn to Jungkook. “Like Duchamp, right?”

Jungkook can’t help but ogle you. He runs his hand over his gorgeous chest. “Fuck, that’s sexy. So unfair that Yoongi got to you first.”

“Alright,” Yoongi warns, shooting him a look before making a beeline back to his room to get changed and get you the hell out of there.

Jungkook turns back to you, scrunches up his nose, crinkles his eyes, opens his mouth in a gigantic smile, and points a thumb over his shoulder back at Yoongi as he hurries off. A light snicker floats out from his throat. It sounds like brothers teasing each other.

He sighs. “So, tell me. Did he get to see those tits?”

You and Jungkook share another laugh. He’s incorrigible.

“In all their glory,” you tease, and Jungkook lets out a playful whine, “but it looks like you had more than your hands full with that curator.” Your eyes flash back to the perfect ass on the wall.

Jungkook follows your gaze, and his eyes glimmer. “Oh, no, that’s me, darling,” he says proudly. “In all my glory.”

The rest of the week is a whirlwind of snapshots of you hanging out at your apartment, hanging out at his apartment, having dinners with Jungkook, Namjoon, and Tara. Inside jokes are explained; embarrassing stories are dug out; confessions are professed. But you’re too aware that the week will wind down eventually. There’s always some reminder of his upcoming departure, and the unknown future after.

There are heated moments when you feel the sudden need to have him pressed up against you, and he more than delivers. You love making him come. You love watching him come. When it’s soft and quiet, he moans through his orgasm, and it almost sounds like he’s singing just for you. When it’s really earth-shattering, he squeezes his eyes tight and sucks in his breath through his teeth, which turns you on all over again to hear. But whatever validation you get from those moments always seems to run out, and you’re left wondering if you’re enough for him.

There are also lazy moments, of which you have grown especially fond. There’s one toe-curling kiss in particular, when you’re both working from his and Jungkook’s apartment, buried in your respective projects. You’re sitting on the ends of the couch, your legs in his lap, and his legs propped up on the table.

You look up to see Yoongi lost in thought, brow knitted, lips pressed together. You smile to yourself, enjoying seeing his working mind in action.

But then, you move your legs across him in a particular way, and he is pulled back into the room. He looks down at your bare legs and instinctively runs his hand up your calf.

You’re looking back down at your laptop, but a hand is traveling up the outside of your thigh.

“Yoongi,” you warn from behind your screen.

The hand now pries its way between your thighs, dangerously close to you and your building passion.

You do your best to ignore it, but the sound of notebooks and pens falling to the ground make you look up from your screen, and Yoongi’s smiling at you, moving toward you slowly and kissing you so softly.

“Come here,” he says into your ear.

“I have a deadline,” you remind him.

You roll your eyes and move to shove him off, but then he does the thing that he does with his tongue, just in your ear.

“Oh shit,” you whisper, as you shiver.

Yoongi half-laugh, half-moans, satisfied with the reaction he got. “Come here.”

You shut your laptop and set it aside as he kisses you. He lies behind you on the couch, gripping you to him, rocking his body against you. He whispers what he’s feeling into your ear, licking your neck, nibbling your earlobe. His arm is around you and pressed up against your breasts, his hand grabbing and then releasing, grabbing then releasing. His other hand travels down your stomach and slips into you. You raise your leg and bend it a bit behind you, and Yoongi holds your knee, tracing circles in the back of it as you go. He fills you up, and you pour back onto him. It’s all so gentle and undemanding, easy and good.

The point isn’t to come. But you remember him coming so sweetly, cooing into your ear. You remember coming and feeling like doing anything else is a waste of time.

You think the same thing will happen the day before he’s set to leave for the tour. Early morning rays are cracking through your drapes, but you’ve been up long before them, lying awake and staring at the ceiling. You can’t decide if it’s out of anticipation or dread. When the alarm rings, Yoongi finds you with his lips, and you lie there, kissing him softly. But he doesn’t run his hands all over you. He lets go of you and, with his eyes still closed, he says, “Go start your shower. I’ll start the coffee.”

You’re replaying the non-starter in your mind when you’re sitting at your desk at work.

“How are you doing?” Namjoon asks.

“Fine.”

“Things going well with Yoongi?”

“Fantastic.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah, why?”

“Because you’re editing the newspaper.”

You blink and look down at the highlighted and red ink-stained front page of that day’s news.

You sigh and let your head fall do the desk with a soft thunk .

“You know, things would be so much easier if you would just answer my questions the first time,” Namjoon says. “How are you doing?”

“Not great.”

“He’s only going to be gone for six weeks. He’ll be back before you know it.”

“You know how book tours are,” you reply. “There’s wine and sex at every turn.”

“Doesn’t he write for a food blog?” Namjoon asks, his devil’s advocate hat on again. “I mean, that’s his life already, isn’t it?”

“Wow. I didn’t think I could feel stupider after you pointed out the newspaper, but then you hit me with that.”

“Wasn’t it months ago that he almost went with a different publisher, and all it took was one call from you to change his mind? He just keeps showing up. He fixed my lamp, for crying out loud.”

“It’s not just the tour,” you admit. “I was listening to the bestsellers podcast this morning on my way in, and there are already rumors that movie studios are preparing for a bidding war. They’ve even got actors tweeting about it. People want Kim Seokjin and Jung Hoseok to play Jimin and Taehyung.”

“Huh, I would’ve thought Seokjin would make a better Taehyung.”

Your head hits your desk with another soft, sad thunk.

“Lighten up!” Namjoon exclaims. “How are you not feeling great about this?” His pupils may as well be dollar signs. “This is everything we’ve dreamed of!”

But it’s also everything that every writer has dreamed of, you think to yourself.

And you are going to lose him to it.

When you get home, Yoongi is waiting in your living room, dressed in a black suit. You’ve been in a terrible mood all day, and seeing him look so fancy and professional and fucking desirable is worsening it.

“Hey,” he says excitedly. He jumps up and embraces you, and you relent. He plants a sweet, much-needed kiss on you. “I have a surprise for you!”

“Did Seokjin call?” you ask, but Yoongi obviously doesn’t understand.

“Who? No, c’mon, go inside and get dressed. There’s an outfit on your bed.”

“Wait, how did you get inside?”

Yoongi holds up a key. Attached to it is your grad school’s blue koala mascot. You remember orientation day, how you and Namjoon had talked about the koala being the perfect mascot for a bunch of dorks who only want to sit in trees and consume leaves of pages, and that, in a very insignificant way, it factored into your decision to attend.

You suddenly need to catch your breath. You can’t decide if it’s betrayal, or a gift.

“OK,” you say. “Are you at least going to tell me where we’re going?”

Yoongi smiles, tight-lipped.

You set your things down and go straight to the bathroom to freshen up, fix your hair, and do your makeup, but you realize you haven’t even checked to see if the look you’ve put together matches whatever outfit is on your bed.

A small “oh, wow” creeps out of your mouth when you see the expensive, red dress laying on your made bed.

You change, and when you realize the dress is skin tight, you naughtily decide not to wear anything else under it. To avoid lines, you tell yourself. You have trouble with the zipper in the back, so you walk out to the living room, and Yoongi’s mouth hangs open as you cross to him on the couch.

“Can you?” you ask, turning your back to him and holding your hair up to keep it from getting tangled.

Yoongi stands, and you hear him clear his throat. He reaches down and sees the top of your naked ass cheeks in the V of the fabric where the zipper starts.

“ Fuck ,” he whispers, and you smile to yourself. He clears his throat again. But instead of taking you right there and then, he obediently, albeit slowly, zips up your dress.

“You guessed my size?”

“Tara helped me out.”

“It’s a little tight.”

“Mm.”

The zipper clicks into place at the top of your spine.

He drives you to the fanciest restaurant that you think you’ve ever seen, but instead of parking in the front, he circles around to the back into the alley.

You shoot Yoongi a confused look, and all he does is grin.

He ushers you through the back entrance and into the kitchen, where one of his chef friends greets you.

Yoongi lifts you onto a clean cabinet, out of the way of the frantic hustle and bustle. He leans on the cabinet next to you, his arm resting protectively just behind you, but not daring to touch you. But he looks up at you, and there’s a soft but excited look in his eyes, like he’s been waiting to share this with you for a while. The chef introduces herself, and you recognize her from posts online. You can’t believe what’s happening as more and more plates are brought over to you, incredibly complex dishes with backstories and cultural histories missing from the menus that everyone else is reading in the dining room.

The meal is so good that you want to quit your job and just do this with Yoongi, just sit in kitchens all over the world and listen to him use his deep, slick, carnal voice to discuss texture and taste. But there are moments where he’s pouring you more wine, or feeding you a piece of dessert, and you are reminded that your time with Yoongi could be drawing to a complete close.

Eventually, it’s time to say goodnight, and you amble down the back alley, side by side, back to the car.

“Someone’s grabby tonight,” Yoongi laughs, as you pinch his buttcheeks.

“Someone’s been dined and wined,” you mumble drunkenly, as you run your hand over his chest and under his suit jacket. He laughs as he takes your hand and kisses it, but he doesn’t let it go any further.

Nothing happens in the car, nothing happens when you park outside of your apartment, and you think something might happen when he gets out of the car to follow you to your door. But then he kisses you lightly and says, “Well, goodnight.”

“You aren’t coming in?” you let yourself say, and he smiles.

“You want me to?”

“Well, yeah. You’re leaving tomorrow.”

“I am.”

He sighs, and you see a fracture in the sheen of the lucent image he’s projected all night.

What’s going on?” you ask.

“I just… Nothing. OK.”

When he looks back up at you, it almost looks like his eyes are brimming with tears.

Your heart drops. You take his hand and bring him inside, kissing him over and over again, telling him how much you’re going to miss him, and he says it back sorrowfully.

You start to unbutton his shirt, but he takes your hands away and does it himself. You claw at his pants, but he slips out of them without your help. He helps you with your zipper, but he leaves it to you to peel off your dress. And you lie in bed naked, but he keeps his boxers on, climbing in next to you and hugging you softly.

You wonder what you did wrong.

You knew it wasn’t going to last. You could tell by the way Yoongi’s face looked when he woke you gently with his thumb on your chin, saying, “My ride’s here. I have to go.”

“Why didn’t you wake me up?” you asked, as he traced his finger down the side of your body, over the curve of your hip.

“You looked like you were enjoying your sleep,” he said.

You looked up at him to say something, but he kissed you. “Bye,” he said. "Go back to sleep."

Now, it’s been a week, and you’re pretty sure that will be the last thing you hear from him. You’ve only gotten details about the tour from Yoongi’s new press agent. He sends you pictures of Yoongi with fans, shop owners, critics, students, and, increasingly, celebrities. People are buying two, three, four copies of his book at a time. He’s on the precipice of something bigger.

Yoongi hasn’t called or texted you. More evidence that his next chapter will not include you. To be fair, you haven’t called or texted him either. But it’s OK. You won’t need to. You know what this part of it will look like. The slow fade. The day easing into night. One night, you’ll be eating take-out in your living room, and you’ll have some fleeting thought of him. You’ll realize it’s been ages since the last time that’s happened. You’ll realize you have moved on. You’ll know because you’ve done it before.

But you don’t realize that things have started to change.

It happens so casually. Namjoon is away on a research trip with one of his writers, and you have the office to yourself. Sejin comes in at around half-past eleven with some tea and mail for you.

One envelope catches your eye. There’s no return address.

You open it up and pull out a white, paper square with flowers embossed on it.

A napkin. With writing.

There’s more. One is thick, white, and rectangular with a restaurant logo on it. Another is unremarkable but stuck to another one like it, dried together by the bottom of a drink. They all have Yoongi’s handwriting on them. You spread them out on your desk.

The first stop of this tour and I already hate it. Why do people want so many pictures with me? There’s one on the book jacket. Just use that one. Cut it out if you want.

Today, I chose to read the excerpt with the phone call in it. I know it’s a bit too late to admit this, but, you were so right. The crowd was thrown, and they loved it. But the refreshments here sucked.

Reading A Valediction: Forbidding Mourning and thinking of you.

You wonder how many times an envelope will change your life.

Over the next few weeks, more notes come your way. There’s one from a bar.

After-party drinks at some club. I hate clubs. People complain that they’re too loud, but I’m glad the music is drowning out these insipid conversations.

Another, from a bookstore attached to a museum.

Pretty sure Jungkook would have appreciated this place a bit better. Every sculpture on display is made of black metal twisted into eldritch shapes, and I’m getting the heebie-jeebies.

One from the smaller bookstore that he chose for the seventh stop, and you get your answer as to why.

We’ve gotta visit this place. It’s amazing. So many awesome finds. I sent one to you. Hope you like it.

A couple of days later, a priceless, first edition copy of The Bell Jar arrives on your desk.

You take it home and stare at it while lying in bed. You run your hands along the spine. You wish it were Yoongi’s.

You find your phone and check the time. It’s not so late that you’d feel guilty for interrupting Yoongi. You decide to call him. Then, you decide to send a text first.

But then, you freeze.

Your first edition copy of The Bell Jar is one of the most beautiful things you’ve seen until you see Yoongi’s tired eyes brighten at the image of you standing by the airport exit. He does his best to keep cool and not fly over to you with reckless abandon, but you still note the slight quickening of his pace.

He reaches you, breathless. “Well, hey there.”

“Hi.”

“Is that my hoodie?”

“Mmhmm.”

“And my sweatpants.”

“Yup.”

“So you’re just taking my things now?”

“Yes.”

You turn and start walking toward the parking lot.

Yoongi grabs his luggage handle and follows you. “I thought a car was going to pick me up? Did we make plans to meet instead?” he asks, confused.

“Nope.”

You lead him to his car, and you unlock the doors. To explain, you jingle Jungkook’s spare keys. The astonished look on his face is hilarious. Imitation is the best form of flattery.

He reaches out for the keys, but you get in the driver’s seat. “Hurry up,” you say, closing the door, and Yoongi frowns.

He walks around and opens the trunk to put his suitcase inside, but he misses the feel of grime under his fingers. He looks at you through the rearview mirror. “You had it cleaned?”

“I cleaned it,” you say. “That’s why I borrowed your hoodie. My clothes got wet.”

You don’t see it, but the mention of you in wet clothes makes Yoongi gulp. He closes the trunk and follows along with whatever it is you’re doing, made evident by him getting into the passenger seat without any further questioning.

You ask about the tour, and he regales you with so many stories. Stupid ones. Funny ones. Meaningful ones.

“His parents showed up,” Yoongi says.

“They did?”

“Yeah. They bought three copies. One for each of them, they said.”

You study his face before looking back out to the road.

“What’d they say?”

“They said they needed it,” Yoongi says, surprising even himself. “They said they felt everything again, in a good way. I took them to dinner. We talked it out. It’s been six years since I’ve seen them.”

You smile sadly.

“I missed you,” he says, finally, as you park in front of his and Jungkook’s apartment.

You turn the engine off and linger in the car.

“I missed you too,” you say, turning to him and handing him the keys back.

Yoongi pulls you in for a kiss. His hand climbs up your arm and into your hair. He cradles the back of your head and pulls it toward him, mashing your lips into his. His other hand reaches down for the hem of his hoodie that you’re wearing, eager to lift it up. It feels so good that you almost forget that you have something to say.

“Hold on,” you say forcibly, pulling back.

“No, no more waiting,” Yoongi says, tugging at his hoodie on your body. “Let’s go upstairs. I want you.”

“Oh, so you want me now?”

Yoongi looks at you, hurt, confused. The way he adjusts himself suggests he also has a raging boner, but what you don’t know is that he’s actually had it since he saw you in his hoodie. Maybe knowing that would have made this next part of the conversation a bit easier.

“The notes were beautiful,” you say, “but they don’t make everything automatically OK.”

“I also sent you that first edition Sylvia Plath,” Yoongi says, straight-faced. “What about that?”

You bite the inside of your cheek so that you don’t smile. You aren’t going to lose this game. “You didn’t call or text.”

“You didn’t either,” Yoongi reminds you.

“I didn’t want to distract you.”

“Well, I didn’t want to push you.”

“The Plath wasn’t pushing?”

“No, that was just a gentle suggestion. A $10,000 gentle suggestion.”

Your jaw drops open. “It wasn’t really $10,000, was it?”

Yoongi finally smirks. “You’re the editor. You tell me.”

“How about you tell me something."

"Like what?"

"Tell me why you didn’t want to sleep with me the night before you left.”

Yoongi’s eyes widen, and he studies your face.

“You took me to this incredible dinner, and I threw myself at you, which is not my usual move, and you just fell asleep,” you say. “You didn’t even wake me up until the very last moment before you left.”

It’s hard to get the words out. “Until I got your notes, I thought you were over it.” You’ve never been this vulnerable before, and the terror is rising from your core up to your throat. You don’t know if you’ll be able to say much more.

Yoongi returns, “I thought you still weren’t sure.”

“About?” you ask.

“Me.”

You stare at him. You tell yourself that he’s caught you off-guard, but you also know that you’re trying to be gentle with yourself and soften the blow.

“How can you say that? I was lying naked in bed with you.”

“But I could still feel it,” he says. “It felt like the day I kissed you. That week, before I left, we’d be talking, or hanging out, and you’d go somewhere suddenly. You’d just go blank. You did that throughout our dinner. I didn’t want that to be how we left things.”

It hurts to be called out like this, but you know you need to hear it. You don't know where your blind spots are.

“Where would you go?” he asks, curiously. “When you’d go blank like that?”

“I don’t know,” you answer honestly. “My mind would drift to the tour.”

Yoongi’s resting his elbow on the seat back, his head in his hand, pinky touching his cheek. He patiently listens as you collect your thoughts.

“I think I was scared to enjoy it too much,” you say, “the time that we had before you left.”

“Why?”

“It’s every writer’s dream, a tour like that.”

“Are you kidding? I hated almost every minute of it.”

You smirk. “Well, I know that now. But I thought that once you left, you’d see more of the things that you’ve always wanted. All these cool, vibrant people surrounding you in these bookshops. Actors tweeting at you in case you make your book into a movie. More things, and better things. I was... bracing.”

“You were saying goodbye,” Yoongi says, nailing you. “I didn’t want to say goodbye that night. I wanted to be with you. I want to be with you.”

Feeling sheepish, you meet his gaze. “I was afraid you’d get back and realize you’d outgrown me.”

“All I could think about was you,” Yoongi says, no trace of a waver or uncertain change in pitch. And you start to believe him.

He reaches for you again, but you place a hand on his shoulder. “So what’s changed? Why are you so eager to jump me now?” you ask, with a grin.

“You’re in my sweats,” he says hungrily. “You’re driving my car.”

He kisses you deeply. Each movement he makes is another reassurance. It’s clear that he cares for you. But the part that you struggle with is that you have to let him in.

His hands find their way to your stomach again. “The first time I came over, you told me that you trusted me. Do you?” Yoongi asks, running his hands under the fabric and looking up tentatively at you.

“Yes,” you say, and you start to believe yourself, too.

He kisses you again, running his hands up your torso, surprised when his hands meet your naked breasts. He looks like he’s about to make some quip, but you kiss it out of him.

His hands make their way around to your back and down into the waistband of the sweatpants of his that you’re wearing. There’s no other fabric there either, and Yoongi’s eyes flash open, his eyelashes fluttering against your lips. You moan as he runs his hands across your bare ass, slipping his fingers between your cheeks.

There isn’t enough time to get to Yoongi’s room. You instead rely on muscle memory from your younger days to angle into the backseat of the car. As Yoongi crawls, he glances out the windows to make sure no one is around.

You straddle him, and you feel him growing underneath you. He hooks his thumbs into the band of the sweatpants and pulls them down and off of you. You reach for his jeans, but he keeps you from unbuttoning them.

“I want you to come,” Yoongi says.

“I want that too,” you smile, reaching out for his pants again.

“No,” Yoongi persists. “Tell me, like you asked me to, like we did the first time. Tell me everything. Let me give it to you. I want to.”

There’s weight behind his words, and you understand. You stop and look down at him. His eyes and lips glow in the streetlight, but the rest of his face is obscured by the shadow of the side of the car.

“Don’t hold back from me,” he says, softer now, reaching up to you.

You catch glimpses of his cheeks and jaw when he moves, as he talks.

“Be with me.”

Each kiss with Yoongi grows more heated and passionate. You feel electric, like tonight will be transformative. Transcendent.

He plays with his sweatshirt on your body, its fuzzy cotton grazing against you slowly as his hands roam underneath. He brings his hands up your sides, lifting the hem of the hoodie over your breasts. He nestles there, kissing and sucking gently.

You arch toward his tongue, pressing down harder on his cock, and he supports the small of your back as your head rests on the center console. His mouth feels magnificent on your skin.

He starts to rub on your pussy, and you grind against his fingers.

You start to whimper lightly, and Yoongi’s breath hitches as he gets an idea. He raises your waist and brings your pussy to his lips. As he begins to part your folds with his tongue, slurping your juices and nestling in your warmth, you feel something turn on inside of you. As he licks, he fingers you, first with his middle finger, and then with as many fingers as you’ll take. You’re close, but you feel like it’s too soon. You’ve been craving him so badly, and now you fear you’ve overindulged.

“Don’t think,” Yoongi whispers, pinching your thighs. “Keep going.”

You do trust him. You want to be vulnerable with him. You need to share this with him. So you come. And it feels so, so good. You’re flailing, grabbing onto the front seats for leverage as you undulate, and Yoongi is gazing down at you in wonder.

“Fuck, you look so good,” he whispers, worshipping you, “taste so good.”

Sweating, you sit up and catch your breath. You reach for him, but he stays just out of reach.

“Not yet,” Yoongi insists. “Let me give you more.”

You think, and then you stand, turning around to face the front and give Yoongi your back. He kisses your ass cheeks and starts to lick at your pussy and up to your hole, not just eating you out, but devouring you. You don’t understand the gibberish coming out of you, but it feels primal, so intense and remarkable.

“Shit, yes,” Yoongi says when he’s done, running his hands up and down your thighs, and smacking your ass once.

You bounce and moan. You weren’t expecting that, but it felt amazing.

“Mm, definitely need to see that again,” Yoongi says, his voice low. He smacks your ass a second time, harder, and you groan obscenely. Neither of you can believe the sounds that he’s drawing out of you.

“Ooh, Yoongi, fuck me,” you beg, and Yoongi lines himself up expertly, already a master at the curves of your body. You’re so wet and ready for him that he slides into you in one smooth, delicious motion. Both of you let out moans that have been pent up for too long.

“God, you feel fucking amazing,” you breathe, and Yoongi pulls the hoodie off of you, dragging his teeth up the skin of your back, up to your neck.

You bounce on him, and then he helps you balance your front on the center console. He angles up a bit and starts to fuck you fast. The top of your head is nearly slamming against the radio. It feels debaucherous. You can’t believe you’ve lived this long without it.

“Let it happen,” Yoongi tells you. It’s because he feels the walls of your pussy twitching violently, and he knows your tendency is to try to keep them from shaking. It’s easier said than done, though. He’s having trouble fighting it to stay hard enough to get you where you need to be, where he wants you to be. He wants to keep being perfect for you. You already are so perfect for him.

You feel the swell growing inside you, and instead of trying to direct it, you let it wash over you completely. So many things are happening at once. You feel a wetness that you haven’t felt before cascade out of you. Your body immediately goes cold, and you think you might pass out.

“Damn,” Yoongi pants, his mind and body on fire. “More. I want to give you more.”

“Hold me,” you whisper weakly, and he softly positions you so that you are lying down across the back seat. “I want you to come with me. I want to see you.”

Yoongi climbs on top of you after pulling off his pants and shirt. He kisses and fondles your breasts before reaching up to kiss you deeply. As he pushes his tongue into your ready mouth, he pushes his cock into your willing pussy. He curves up and hits your G spot, and you know that this will completely destroy you.

You place your hands on Yoongi’s face, and he kisses your fingers. He tells you things. How much he cares for you. How many times he almost called you while he was gone. How your face came to him at night. Napkin-scribbled notes in real time.

You feel miserably ineloquent by comparison, but you tell him, “There’s no one like you.” And he kisses you like you’ve said the most extraordinary thing in the world, when really, it’s just the simple truth.

He licks his way from your collarbone to your chin and goes to kiss you again, but before his lips land on yours, you fit together in such a way that shifts everything forward. Sensations are suddenly more intense, but you need even more of them to keep from falling apart. Yoongi rests his forehead on your chest as he pulls himself all the way out, only to slam all the way into you again, making all of your nerve endings buzz, your tongue hang out of your mouth, and your eyes roll back. He kisses your stomach and quickens his pace, and you squeeze hard as he exits you.

“I’m close,” Yoongi whispers.

“Me too,” you say, wrapping your arms around him and kissing his chin.

You come together. You feel so much. There is so much. The hot, sticky mix of tears and cum and sweat and breath seeps into your pores. Yoongi gently lowers himself to you, letting out a long, sexy, deep, strained moan, saying your name as you whimper and wail his. You’re both right. It’s rhapsodic.

You lie there for who knows how long, naked and spent, running errant hands over each other, utterly obliterated by each other yet only wanting to do it again and again and again.

“Fuck, can you imagine someone walking by right now?” Yoongi laughs suddenly, and you think of what this scene must have looked like from outside. An out-of-the-way, residential street, quiet save for the squeak, squeak, squeak of a car being rocked on its axles. You laugh together, kissing softly and drifting in and out of consciousness.

After a little while, you feel Yoongi moving with intent, and you open your eyes to see Yoongi wiping you down with the shirt that he was wearing under his sweater.

He notices you moving in the darkness, and he hands you the hoodie and sweatpants that you were wearing, kept pristine for you in the front seat, if not for a little bit of sweat.

“Get dressed. I want to take you somewhere.”

When you both hop out of the car to adjust yourselves, you giggle at his crazy hair, and he smiles at yours, each laugh giving you both a welcome, refreshing respite from the dank air.

When you get back in the front seats, you don’t freeze or wait. You reach for his hand and lock your fingers together. He smiles at you, surprised. Your heart fills to the brim as he rests your hands in the space between your seats, running his thumb over yours.

After a quiet, hour-long drive, you come to a bridge.

Yoongi pulls over to a safe part of the shoulder on the road. He gets out, and you follow him, feeling nervous. He hikes down a little ways, to where the bridge starts to separate from the land, and he turns around to help you. You mimic his memorized steps as best as you can, careful not to slip on the loose gravel. He helps you down, and he leads you to the dark underside. The smooth concrete slopes down to a now-abandoned road. There’s no danger, but you both feel scared. He sits down, and he pulls on your arm to join him. His legs and arms surround you from behind, and you lean back into him.

“There’s something that I didn’t tell you,” Yoongi says, running his lips over the sleeve of his hoodie.

You fight the impulse to brace, and you listen.

“The day at the movie theater,” he replies. “Do you remember that?”

“Yeah, I nearly dumped my hot chocolate on your head,” you mutter, and Yoongi laughs. “I wouldn’t have blamed you,” he says.

You wait. You listen.

“That was the day he… left.”

Yoongi still can’t even really say it, but there’s no rushing that, and you don’t need him to. You think of the two blueberry muffins. Tears stream from Yoongi’s eyes, and he sniffles, but his breathing is calm. He’s cried like this many times before, alone in his room, or alone in his car, or maybe sitting alone under this bridge.

He gathers himself. “It had been years, but I heard him. I think he was guiding me.”

You bring the back of Yoongi’s hand to your lips. You plant a kiss there, and rest your cheek against it. You send a message to him, wherever he is. Thanking him. Reassuring him that you’ve got Yoongi, and he’s got you.

“You would have liked him,” he says, his voice weak.

“You told me all about him,” you say, simply. “I do.”

Yoongi exhales, and finally, so do you. You feel tension that you didn't know you were carrying leaving your body. He pulls you to him, and you kiss. You don’t know what will happen next. But now that someone has shown you how to stop worrying about that, you can finally break free from the shackle that has always kept you from reading on and finding out.

← 03: Summer | End

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