#I hesitate to call this an essay because it isn't

[chairteeth]

So hey did you know Touka shows affection like cats do

I'm gonna give my two cents on this basing myself off of canon and educated assumptions/guesses. For brainrot and logical reasons I will be using Nemu as the example human to Touka's example cat (the logical reason is that, simply put, they canonically spend the most time together, literally no one else spends nearly as much time with Touka. I would go as far as to argue that Touka spends more time with Nemu than with her family). This is actually semi-serious, believe it or not, I have arguments. They are as follows:

First off, a cat choosing to be around you a lot is already a sign that they enjoy your company, otherwise they would leave. Touka tends to be in a hurry to leave places like school, but is comfortable in the observatory, Fendt Hope, and later the yuri bunker (for those unfamiliar with Arc 2, Touka has an underground bunker lab thingy connected to a house and that's where she and Nemu spend probably 85% of their time). In fact, especially the yuri bunker, she seems calmest there. A cat choosing to linger in the same room as you means they value and seek your companionship.

Then, bunting! This is a really cute one, I mostly know this as that thing when a cat headbutts you with their forehead or rubs their head on you, but some friends have told me they also count it as bunting when their cats rub their cheeks against them? Anyway for the bunting I point at that one scene in the anime (you know the one, which in context is entirely definitely a purposeful gesture from Touka that is meant to convey comfort/reassurance). That scene also counts for the eyes! Cats' eyes are proportionally huge and also very vulnerable, so allowing anything, even someone's face, near them, is also a sign of trust and love (I am unsure if Touka does the slow blinking or if that has a human equivalent). In case you don't know which scene I mean (I don't shut up about it though so I don't know how likely that is):

Next, playing! Cats often play out of pure enjoyment (hunt/prey drive aside), and their preferred playmates are typically trusted companions. This manifests in Touka in the form of human playfulness, she doesn't really do the whole friendly back and forth thing with anyone or, well, act in any sort of joking or goofy way, unless she really likes the person. The most obvious example is Well again Nemu, their typical old married couple bickering.

Next up is gifts/hunting, yk when cats bring you a dead mouse or bird as a gift? That's because they love you. They are hunting for you. Touka's equivalent of this is acts of service that she doesn't apply her ego to, such as the website in Nemu's case, and I am assuming that Touka is a gifter but also will not give Nemu specifically "formal" gifts or make a big deal about them and mostly choose non special occasions to give said gifts. The gifts part is I think the only actual assumption I'm making here? The rest is just me putting canon things in the context of Cat.

And lastly off the top of my head, sleeping. Cats sleep A LOT as any cat owner will probably tell you, and they are the most vulnerable while sleeping, so the place a cat chooses to have a cat nap or fall asleep has to be a safe and trusted location. There is no greater compliment than a cat picking your lap or even your chest as their favorite sleep spot! And guess what. Christmas TouNemu night quote, Touka falls asleep next to Nemu. I am going to assume she falls asleep on her shoulder and that they're sitting down or alternatively they're lying down somewhere, because otherwise I have no idea how Touka fell asleep in the first place. The way she relaxes in Nemu's presence is extremely sweet, especially if you've read my essays about these two.

Anyway so my point is. Nemu's wife is very catlike. This has been your improvised ramble of the month.

[twin-disaster-tutel-brainrot]

So I wanted to write a short post about Splinter's relationship with Donnie, but I realised I need to give it more context, so here we are. This is going to be an analysis on the similarities between Splinter and Donnie, and how those similarities affect their relationship.

Let's start with the easiest example, given to us in "Breaking purple":

(sorry for the bad quality gif)

Donnie, as we know, isn't good at understanding his own emotions and expressing them, and he's also not that good at understanding other's emotions. This video essay explains his low empathy really well.

Donnie doesn't know how to deal with emotions, so he does the next best thing - looks at adult example and copies it.

Splinter, while loving his sons and wanting the best for them, is objectively not the best father. He was thrown into fatherhood with no preparation after being imprisoned for over a decade and turning into a rat. He clearly has depression, has no friends, no support system, etc. And the only reference he has for parenting is his grandpa.

So similarity one, they're not good at dealing with emotions.

The second similarity is they're both bad at lying. And, more importantly, bad at noticing when they're being lied to:

(Arguably, you can say they were all too focused on trying to get away with their own lie, but I digress.)

Donnie needs to be said stuff directly. He's shown to not get sarcasm quite often:

And Splinter is shown multiple times to be quite unobservant:

Like, this gif is from when he grounds them, and he just accepts that those four flour sacks are his sons and moves on.

Which leads us to the third similarity, of them both missing obvious social cues. Donnie because of his social skills, and Splinter because he's unobservant.

There's more similarities, like their love of dancing for example, but the reason I gave those similarities is because I want to talk about their relationship.

Splinter, again, wasn't a very good father. He didn't know how to raise his children, but you can see he did make an effort. They all never hesitate to hug him, to call him Dad, and even when they find out Lou Jitsu is their biological father, they never doubt his role as their dad for a second. Which shows that even though he was neglectful, he did have a positive impact on their lives. They love him, and he loves them.

But, one line stood out to me the most, and that's this Donnie line:

Why? Because Splinter always looks extremely proud of his sons, and it sounds odd that he never told Donnie he's proud of him. And we know he desperately want to hear him say it:

So Splinter never told him he's proud of him, but he's also going to say it three times in this episode, only finishing the sentence once when Donnie isn't close enough to hear. Not only that, but the first instance is because Donnie made him a booster, which looks like a very minor thing, so he has no issue saying he's proud of them even because of the tiniest thing.

If so, then why is Donnie missing the verbal validation so much?

Splinter is not good with knowing when to express his feelings and how, and he's not really observant. Just like he never actually said he's proud of Donnie to Donnie's face in this episode, my guess he never said it to his face in the past too. Like, he tried, but he never actually finished the sentences when Donnie could hear, and he probably didn't even notice.

I'm also guessing he used acts to show how proud he is (for example, the fact he didn't hesitate to choose the Turtle Tank for the demolition derby shows how proud he is of Donnie's work), but because of Donnie's need to be told everything literally, he didn't feel the validation from him at all.

I feel like out of the four turtles, Donnie has the rockiest relationship with Splinter. He logs every interaction they have, doesn't immediately trust him when he offers to spend time together, gets mad at him the most often out of the four of them, etc. But you can also see he loves his dad, and he outright tells him this in "Turtle-dega Nights: The Ballad of Rat Man":

Anyways, I'm just really passionate about showing Splinter isn't just an abusive uncaring father, and showing that the turtles know this.

(Just learned there's an "alt text" option for images so I just removed the image id and turned it into alt text instead.)

[watchingblsnowandforever]

Hello again! =D

Here's Part 1

*looks at all the remaining screenshots and sighs* I really need to learn to take screenshots more selectively-

Warning: long post 😊😅

This is the sole reason Phum chose to ride the cycle, because we all know he brought his car.

I'm not complaining though. In fact-

Peem, give this man all the hugs in this world. He deserves them. <3

HANDS!!

Aunt Pui Live Reaction

She ships them hehe

She's the best wingaunt 😭🫶🏼

Oh, it's his turn with the braincell finally hehe

Oh, that little kernel of insecurity making him question this :(

And it's Phum's turn to immediately refute any doubt about his feelings.

Oh yeah, telling him all the reasons you like him is the only reason you'll "have" to stay over at his place, Phum. It's not like you wanna cuddle him or anything. Pfft of course not.

Peem's reaction is so cute (no pun intended-) oh gods 😭

This is what told me for sure that Phum knows about Peem's feelings.

The way he framed this, the absolute lack of hesitation in his voice, the way he smiled, the way he looked at Peem.

Just because he doesn't confront Peem about it doesn't mean he doesn't know his feelings are reciprocated.

No wonder Peem's reaction looks so genuine 😭 (Pond improvised this part)

What do you do when the guy you like keeps shrugging off your hand? Keep trying of course! And then lock your hands so he can't shrug them off.

Mission Side-Hug Your Crush: Accomplished 😌✅️

Me:

Wait- WAIT, you're gonna leave the cycle right there in the middle of the driveway?! WHY 🥲😭

👀

Yep, same pic.

The moment I saw this I was like where have I seen this before- OH yeah.

See, now Fang isn't hesitating to call him out on it. Now he knows for sure Phum likes Peem, and it's okay to talk to him about it. But he still doesn't prod much, and only takes what Phum tells him.

In conclusion: Fang is a good brother. 😌

Others: Byee! Have a great time!

Chain: I'll play the guitar for you.

Let's be honest, who's the enabler here? Pun might come up with the strangest most complicated plans, but who's the first to go along with it?

ASKFDGHYTRUASKJNCHDFJ

WHAT WAS THIS KISS?!!!! AND WHY WAS IT TAILOR-MADE TO MAKE ME GO CRAZY?!!!!!

WINNYSTANG. I liked you before but to be very frank, I was kinda indifferent, but now you have my full attention. Make me go even more crazy.

Ooh they have a third brother??

See, up till this point, I was willing to ignore their parents (not what they did, but them as people, because they do not deserve any attention) but this? Stopping Fang from going to check on his brother? NUH UH. That's a line you don't cross.

So now, I'm handing Peem and Tan their weapon(s) of choice and letting them have a go at it. The bodies? Oh, don't worry about that, we'll handle those. :)

What I really love about this scene is that Peem hugs first, then asks questions.

Ah I love hugs so much 🥹🫶🏼

No. They can't.

And similarly, our parents can't always be right. They might always want what's the best for us, but that doesn't mean that what they do is always the best for us.

Also- I'm completely normal about the fact that Phum and Fang went to Peem and Tan - their respective safe zones. Very normal. 🥺

AND THOSE 'I LOVE YOU'S BY TANFANG OH MY GODS I-

I could write a whole essay about just these few minutes (of that PhumPeem hug and this TanFang moment) but I don't have that much time or energy 😭

I'll just go sob in the corner because this entire ep was made to attack my heart with fluff but this scene just broke me.

Also- we finally get actual wind-ruffled hair in BL hehe

Isn't he already Golden Retriever enough? 😭

[Also, at this point my anxiety spiked because I had 7 more screenshots, but I'd already done 25, so tumblr would allow only 5 more 😶😭]

Yes.

Peem finally getting his confidence and sass back! Hehe

That peck had me blinking and then smiling so wide and rewatching those few seconds at least four times.

He says no, and yet his face is tilted and eyes closed and he's all ready to be kissed so sweetly.

You betray yourself, Peem *smh*

HANDS!!!!

The day I stop screaming about hands is my last day on Earth.

This broke my heart, but this hug and Peem's reply put it back together. <33

He-

He said it. While he was awake. 😶

Listen, that nose boop and him telling Phum he'd done a good job the first time changed my brain chemistry so much I collected all the stray strands of my nonexistant giffing skills and made a gif just to put it as my header (replacing that scene from Cherry Magic that I've probably watched a million times now, and had changed me viscerally).

AND THEN THEY GIVE ME THIS.

They're playing table tennis with my heart 🥲

Anyways. Love this scene. So much.

BONUS: I couldn't upload the screenshot of this, but that horse riding scene is so funny to me, because Phuwin is the one who can ride, and Pond's the one a little scared (a little like that roller coaster scene except reversed hehe).

Also "I feel like a prince, riding my horse led by my servant." uh huh. no reference here. just a random line in a random series where the main leads acted in a series previously where one of them was a khun chai and the other worked for him. no reference at all.

Finally!

That's it for ep 12, see y'all next week!

If you got this far, thank you so much for reading! 😊

Here, have some pancakes 🥞

All my previous We Are posts.

@inonetoomanyfandoms here's part 2 hehe

[kustas]

Do you have reccs for "ugly" art (manga, comics, movie, etc.)? Thanks for the Tekkon recs btw I really liked it

That really depends on your own personal media landscape and what your definition of "ugly" is! As a random example, I've seen many people call ONE's art ugly because of the wobbly linework when I think it's lovely. Ugly could also mean something a bit shocking/crass in its themes. Etc, etc... I'm going to go with the definition of "something that's a bit jarring to look at or go through" here :)

Disclaimer: a lot of these tackle sensitive topics, sometimes for fun and not always tastefully. If there's themes you really can't handle in media, do your research before looking into them.

Manga

I keep recommending yes because it rules but Dorohedoro and its scratchy messy art and gore galore. talking about the manga exclusively here the anime is too polished for my taste

God's Child (Kami no Kodomo): tbh this one is for the art only I hated the writing. very gruesome & unique looking short story

I hesitate to recommend this one because it's edgy as hell but I shan't lie I had a lot of fun with Hellsing. it's "bad" in the same areas as something like berserk but unlike that one it does not take itself seriously

if you liked Tekkon i strongly suggest trying out more stuff by its author (saying this with immense biais). the most ugly/messy thing i've read of his, which isn't a lot because i find his work very delicate, is No. 5 which i would less describe as "good" than "very compelling to me". i also recommend this wonderful essay tearing it down

Comics (non JP)

FLEEP: a short story about a man who wakes up in a phone cabin seemingly encased in concrete. one of the comics i always recommend for its length and storytelling. (link leads to the artist's website where you can read it for free!)

The Astonishing Exploits Of Lucien Brindavoine: a young artist gets drafted in the first world war and goes through a series of almost supernatural adventures. beyond the adventure book aspect, a harsh criticism of nationalism/patriotism that's still awfully relevant

Animation

Ruben Brandt: Collector: a psychiatrist suffers from strange art related nightmares ruining his life. his clients, a bunch of high profile criminals, decide to help him fight off his demons by organizing one long vacation where they steal every painting involved. extremely unique visually, a fun heist movie with thriller elements.

Junk Head: goofy post apocalyptic movie about a man on a quest to save, who keeps losing sight his goal because cartoony violence episodes have his head tumble into new lows, literally. this is, perhaps, one of my favorite animated films ever, it's earnest and fun and lovingly crafted. very unique of a watch

The Apostle: freshly escaped from prison, a thief is on a mission to find treasure hidden by his old cellmate, and finds himself stuck in an ancient village who's strange looking elderly inhabitants are way too insistent on his stay. classic spooky folktale with its millennial curses and foreboding warnings, it's also a nice peek into the culture of Galicia and old world medieval weirdass catholicism. you can buy a DVD on their website

MKFZ: dumb as hell high adrenaline animated B movie with excellent animation. there's a plot about alien living undercover in fantasy california but you don't watch this kind of film for the plot. fair warning this is adapted from a french comic so of course, it's crass and racist

Blow to the Head - Lightning bolt: awesome music video (YT link)(warning for flashing/strobing lights if you're sensitive to that!)

Canon Fodder: from the Memories omnibus film. little slice of the life of a fantasy war obsessed industrial nation

with its new movie on the horizon, it's a great time to get into Mononoke, despite traditionally pretty visuals its got a unique style and gets pretty offputting

Live action cinema

7:35 in the morning: short film about the fear in improvised musical numbers where you don't expect any. it's on youtube in bad quality

The Draughtsman's Contract: an artist is hired by a Lady to draw several vistas of her house, in exchange for money, good drawing condition, and the Lady. follows a good hour of cunts in powdery wigs being awful to each other for their own gain. if you're into dark humor it's a good test, otherwise it has a really satisfying murder mystery to follow too.

Three Kings: during the gulf war, a group of US soldiers decide to steal Hussein's gold for themselves under the mighty standard of kuwait's loot repatriation. extremely caustic take on good ol murican international politics. i was shocked at how far it goes and it's express, low budget treatment which i did not expect from a hollywood film. the movie tires itself fast and becomes less good in its second half but the it's opening acts are interesting

Delicatessen: a sliver of humanity survives in an old timey stone building in the middle of nothingness on top of a functional butcher's shop. gossip follows the arrival of a new roommate. how does one even maintain a butchery in a no man's land? weird film with a unique(ly goofy) take on the post apocalyptic genre

Other

For traditional artists, I like the works of Beksinski (<3), Schiele, Giger. For modern artists Oleg Vdovenko (heavy gore warning for that one), Jeff Simpson

I'm less a fan of the MV and live performances they got infamous for than their music proper but I really like the band Cardiacs, who's judged by many of my friends to be extremely hard to get into lol.

[starlightscarsyt]

Why I Adore Charuko - A Ramble/Essay from the Charuko CEO

In this...ramble...essay, I want to break down one of my biggest OTPs I've ever had in a fandom. And that pairing? Teruko Tawaki x Charles Cuevas from Danganronpa: Despair. Commonly known as either Charuko or Lucky Chemistry. It's time I talk about why I love them & what makes them click for me!

Before I get into this, I want to remind everyone that the purpose of this is not to try and convince people to like the ship or to belittle another ship. It's purely me wanting to connect with fellow Charuko fans & have fun as I just gush about this pairing. That being said, I would appreciate if you guys please be respectful & not send hate towards this post, myself, or any other people who like Charuko. This post isn't an excuse for you to be hateful.

With that being said, let's get onto why I personally love Charuko / Lucky Chemistry!

Dynamic & Current Relationship

The dynamic between Teruko & Charles is one that I find the most fun, regardless if it's in a platonic or romantic view. I'll be skimming over the prologue since it doesn't say a whole lot about their dynamic in the beginning, and I'll dive into Ch1. In Ch1 Episode 1, Teruko is assigned to explore with Charles as a means of safety, and right off the bat, there's a few scenes that give us as viewers an idea of their dynamic. And that dynamic is blunt x snark. They make constant jabs at eachother, but also sort of think alike in some areas. Neither of them wants to be with the other, but they both know that they have no choice but to tag along eachother. Shown in the screen shots below is just a few examples of their dynamic from the episode.

Ch1 Episode 1 really sets down the dynamic. Two individuals who are completely honest to eachother & have no problem taking jabs, but can easily come to agreements when it comes down to it. This is essentially their dynamic for most of Ch1, but there's a few more things to add that I hadn't mentioned yet.

• Teruko finds Charles fun to tease due to his flustered reactions. She refers to him as "cactus lover" and even makes a few witty marks at him that cause him to get embarrassed.

• Charles, while thinking Teruko is quite dumb, does acknowledge that she does have few bits of smartness in her, just not in the way that he does.

Moving on, their dynamic changes quite a bit in Ch2, which makes sense considering that in this point of time, Teruko closes herself off from everyone in order to not trust anyone again. Ch2 Episode ends off like this. Charles asks Teruko if she's heading to the second floor, following that if she needs a partner to explore with, then he'd do it, which she soon rejects.

This is later explored when Whit tells Teruko that Charles wants to talk to her in the infirmary. Teruko, while hesitant at first, does decide to go & see what he wants out of pure curiousity. When she arrives, she immediately gives herself a bad papercut from a book. Once Charles shows up, Teruko quickly hides her hand because of his fear of blood. While talking, Teruko drops a bit of her life story to Charles, telling him about how difficult her life has been up until this point, and Charles stands there and listens quite intently.

Moving on, Charles explains that he wanted give the secret he recieved from the secrets motive to her. He explains that this is because he acknowledges that Teruko is the type to reveal the truth when necessary. He knows she'd say something when it's called for. Teruko grabs the secret from Charles, and before she leaves, we get this:

CHARLES. WITH A BLUSH ON HIS FACE. STATES THAT HE LIKES TALKING TO TERUKO & TELLS HER NOT TO TAKE IT THE WRONG WAY.

While he explains that it's because she doesn't pity him like everyone else, there is still some genuine feelings about what he said.

He straights points on their dynamic, with A GODDAMN SMILE ON HIS FACE. Charles may not be the type to be all mushy with his emotions, but the fact that he smiles while thinking of his dynamic with Teruko is very sweet. After this whole ordeal, Teruko leaves with Charles going after her due to him trying to call her out on how her behavior right now is only going to hurt her like it hurt him, with it leading to beautiful gem of MonoTV pouncing on Charles.

As the chapter progresses, there isn't too much to say about Charles & Teruko's relationship until the trial. In Ch2 Episode 11, during Teruko's fight with David, she finds herself knocked in a corner. Charles notices this, and immediately slashes down David's words.

While we don't know what was discovered due to the hiatus & the rest of Ch2 being worked on, it can be said that Charles noticed something Teruko didn't, and thinks they'll be in for a big mess.

So, what is their current relationship? Overall, it's a mixture of two snarks who are always being snide to eachother, but also individuals who are foils, thinking similarly in more ways than one.

Aesthetics & Cuteness

On top of me jusy adoring their dynamic, I'm also in love with the aesthetic & overall cuteness this ship brings.

The color palettes.

I'M A SUCKER FOR PURPLE & GREEN COLOR PALETTES, SO THESE TWO HAVING THOSE PALETTES IS SO LOVELY TO ME! Their palettes together can make for some beautiful art, especially if it's themed around nature. On top of that, you could put them in eachother's signature color, and it'd look really pretty! It's so aesthetically pleasing, and it gets me all giddy!

Also, they really are just so cute together! I adore ships where the pairing feels like an old married couple, and they def feel like it! Just a pairing who make fun of eachother & are just kinda silly!

THEY ARE ALSO SOSOSOSO AESTHETIC OUTSIDE OF THEIR COLORS! Like, I could put them in settings like a cottage or a forest, and they'd look so pleasing together! It'd just be so beautiful, EEEEE!

Headcanons + Conclusion

To end off this lil' ramble / essay, I'mma just drop a buncha Charuko hcs! I hope you had fun reading this! NOW ENJOY THE HEADCANONS, WEEE!

• They usually go on picnic dates, indoor dates, or baking dates!

• Charles loves to style Teruko's hair in different ways. He thinks almost any style would look pretty on her.

• Teruko tries to get into things Charles likes, such as gardening or reading. She'd just want to try and connect with him more!

• On their shopping dates, Teruko always asks Charles for his opinion on any outfit she chooses to buy / wear. He gives his honest opinions, but also reminds her that he thinks anything could look good on her.

• They're very much touch-starved, so they cuddle a lot when nobody's looking.

• GIRLFAILBOSS X MALEWIFE VIBES!

• Cottagecore softies on a nice day...Let Teruko be more girly & Charles embrace a softer side.../pos

[hyunjinners]

✧:･ﾟThe End Justifies The Means → Ahn Jun-ho x reader˚₊· ꒰🌀꒱

꒰ 命 𝐒𝐔𝐌𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐘 ꒱┊Although Jun-ho was in danger of defecting, he couldn't help but visit his lover, whom he was afraid he wouldn't be able to see for a long time.

꒰ 命 𝐏𝐀𝐈𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆 ꒱┊Ahn Jun-ho x Fem!reader

꒰ 命 𝐆𝐄𝐍𝐑𝐄 ꒱┊fluff, angst (?)

꒰ 命 𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒 ꒱┊some blood, mention of death, maybe some bruises from my baby Jun-ho 🥺🤏 (takes place in season 2)

꒰ 命 𝐖.𝐂 ꒱┊2,1k

꒰ 命 𝐀/𝐍 ꒱┊First chapter of the profile! I was a little insecure about posting because English is not my first language, but with the help of a translator, I hope my writing doesn't get so old-fashioned lol ^°^

I finished watching D✰P a while ago and I couldn't help but fall in love with Jun-ho (although I started watching because of another actor, who plays the 'villain')

I tried to leave the chapter with a more Jun-ho perspective, I hope it turned out well. I hope you like the chapter and don't forget to share and say what you think of the chapter. Stick with the chapter and have a good read! 💙🌊

⊹₊˚ʚ❛Masterlist❜ɞ

IT'S been a few days since Jun-ho deserted the army for a greater cause. From the beginning he was aware of the danger he was putting himself in but his head still throbbed every time he…its first and also fails. It cost him his life. A life that could have been saved if not for his carelessness. He thinks about it every day and once he had a thin thread of hope, hoping that he could at least reveal the truth even if he couldn't bring that life back, he couldn't help but grasp the thin, dangerous thread.

He was tired but he wouldn't confess. In addition to working on a plan to reveal the flash drive's catastrophic contents, he was also exhausted from running away whenever he had any chance of getting hold of it. Jun-ho wasn't stupid, he knew how things work and that's why he was cautious and smart in every detail of what he did so as not to be tracked.

However, more than physically tired, he was emotionally and mentally exhausted. He's been through a lot of hard things since he gave you one last hug keeping his promise that he'd be back soon - which was to be expected as they were both aware that not everything is smooth sailing - but he wasn't expecting such a weight to be placed on his shoulders.

He missed you. Every single day. He thought about calling you all the time but his pride got the better of him, thinking he might sound desperate - or maybe the faint feeling that maybe you cared about him too much to the point of making your heart ache. He cared more about you than himself.

And it was this very thought that made him have a slight hesitation at the thought of visiting you. Jun-ho was aware that you knew everything and that you had certainly received a visit from your superiors only to upset you even more. But he needs to see you, feel you. He needed your hug, your words of comfort, your kiss, your way of being. But at the same time that he looked forward to it, he understood that it was risky. But everything good is worth the risk, isn't it?

You were sitting on your apartment floor staring at - or at least trying to - your laptop screen finishing a college essay. It wasn't really working for you, as everything you did, every key you clicked was a thought going through your mind leading you to think of Jun-ho.

You had received a visit from the superiors of Jun-ho, your boyfriend, just over three days ago. You initially wanted to appear strong, not just in front of men, for herself maybe. You really tried, but you couldn't hold back the tears. What if he got hurt? What if I unintentionally hurt other people? What if I can never see him again? These were some of the thoughts that came to mind.

Jun-ho was more than just a childhood sweetheart, more than your boyfriend, he was your soul mate, the perfect being that was specially predestined for you. You didn't believe much in legends or reincarnation, but you knew they were meant to be connected, perhaps by fate, or the red thread that believed to unite you. He was different, unique, perfect. You couldn't live without him and he was aware of that. So what's the point of him doing this to you?

You felt that if he made a misstep you probably wouldn't see each other any time soon. It's been almost two years apart, imagine years being separated by simple and useless bars? Pieces of metal that could destroy relationships for the simple fact of arresting a person who only wanted to reveal the truth that many so-called "superior" feared.

You didn't know about the pen-drive's contents, in fact, almost nobody did. But, if they're not measuring efforts to take power for themselves, even if it might cost Jun-ho's life, so you knew it wasn't anything too nice or light. Definitely a problem. A problem that Jun-ho-your Jun-ho got into because he couldn't stand still when he saw an injustice.

He's always been like that. From childhood, from when you grew up and your father didn't approve of your relationship with him, but he still didn't give up. Because he was stubborn and kind and above all he had a good heart. You love him for small but significant things like that that shape his personality and character. You've always seen it, since when you were just two little beings running around the neighborhood, at the same time, whenever there was a chance, Jun-ho would protect you, even if it sometimes cost him scolding. Always when they did something stupid, he took over, because he wanted to protect you from all the evil in the world. Because he always loved you.

Only now the roles were reversed. And this situation wasn't like when you were a kid, it's just riskier. You wanted to protect him from all harm, from all these evil people who only thought about their own noses and reputation. His heart ached whenever he imagined everything he had gone through so far because of people like that, for all the times - even if hesitantly - he called you because he wasn't feeling well with all the pressure and nagging from his seniors.

Your soul felt that he would look for you just like the nights he called you. And you've just been waiting, be it the doorbell sound or even the phone ringing. 

And like a cue to fate, your doorbell rings. A slight fright invades you, but you don't let go, just getting up towards the door. When she opened it, a tall man had his back turned while wearing a navy blue sweatshirt that covered his head with a hood, preventing anyone from seeing him. He looks frantically up and down the building's hallway, as if expecting someone to suddenly grab him.

"May I help you?" He turns when he hears her voice. It was him. Jun-ho, who had been missing for days. He stares at you for a while, until he raises his finger towards his mouth, asking for silence. He deftly pushes you aside, stepping inside and locking the door behind him. You still stare at him in bewilderment. Not just finally seeing him, of course that was part of it, but he was different.

His hair had grown out a little since I last saw him - he'd shaved it off for the army - he was more robust, his arms were strong and steady, his face had some fresh bruises. You put your hands over your mouth in shock. Her eyes water at the sight of him hurt and tired. He holds out his arms, cradling you in a tight hug.

You reciprocate by squeezing him as if you can no longer see him. She didn't want it to be his last hug, so she held him tight. He didn't seem bothered, on the contrary, he deepened the hug, hiding his face in the crook of her neck. You felt your uneven breathing tickle your neck, but it didn't bother you. I knew he needed this. You needed this, you needed him.

He pushed you away when he felt your jacket wet, not out of annoyance but concern. I didn't want to see you cry, you didn't deserve this. None of that. No one really deserved it. He felt in his skin how much the greed of people who identify themselves as superiors just because of a position or a social position, it can harm people who just want to survive in this difficult world where they fight by their own arm, not stepping on other people to ascend.

He gently runs his fingers - now not as soft as before - pass over her soft skin and now wet from the tears that flowed down through the mixture of feelings that squeezed her chest like longing, anxiety, maybe a little fear. "Don't cry, my love…I'm sorry. I didn't want you to go through this." "Where are you Jun-ho? Do you- do you know how worried I was? I was so, so scared that I would never see you again." You didn't want to sound so desperate, but your voice gave it away. Your face that was now covered by your own hands, rested on his firm chest, which just hugged you again while stroking your hair.

"I'm sorry. Really. I…I'm here now, okay?" He kisses her forehead. He missed her smell, her embrace. The way you cried together and for him.

"Oh Jesus! Look at you, oppa!" Now calmer, you caress Jun-ho's face that was stained with blood in some small cuts, in addition to the slight mixture of green, yellow and purple tones that painted almost imperceptibly in the region of his eye. "Who was the idiot that did this to you? Argh! Come here" you take him to the couch in the living room, running to the bathroom to get the first aid kit and coming back as fast as you can. You disinfect your wounds as carefully as you can, as if your skin is incredibly sensitive. He lets out a low chuckle, watching you in his concentration.

"What is it? Did I hurt you?" You look scared. He cups the right side of his face with his hand, taking advantage of the closeness to place a tender kiss on her lips. "I think it's cute that you're worried about hurting me even though I'm all torn up like that, that's all." You smile toothlessly upon hearing his statement. It was obvious that the situation was concerning but you could still see how hard he was trying to make you comfortable and calm, even though it was a mess outside.

"You'll be fine, won't you?" Her expression changes as she whispers to him, fear apparent in her voice. "I will. I promise you, I will come back to you safe and sound." The ghost of a smile is exposed on her face. "I don't want to ask what's on that flash drive but I'm sure you're doing it for a good reason. I want you to know that you are strong and that you will get through this. I believe and trust you and I know you will do the right thing with the power you have in your hands. Just don't, please leave me. Do what you have to do but…come back to me. I need you." You intertwine your hand in his. Tears form in Jun-ho's eyes causing his voice to crack a little when speaking.

"Thank you for trusting me. I don't deserve your love. I will never leave you, I love you. It's complicated, I don't want you to get involved. Just wait for me." He gets up towards the door, but stops as soon as he hears her announcement.

"...your boss visited me. He asked me to call if you showed up. What should I do?" He turns. A few seconds pass as he just stares back at you.

"Call him."

"What?"

"You can call. I need to talk to him."

"What if you get caught?"

"I won't, I know what to do." He had a plan, you could feel it. You obey, picking up your cell phone and after dialing the number passing it to him. You didn't know what was coming, and you hated more than anyone else just to watch and not be able to do anything, but everything in your power you would do. By Jun-ho.

꒷꒦ ⊹ ๑ ❛original by:: @hyunjinners ¡ Like×reblog❜ =͟͟͞♡ ‧ ˚ ₊

[aimasup]

I can't do this anymore I have to get this out now

Welcome Home but if they were students in like middle school, human or puppet idk

long post warning

Poppy Partridge

she's the class monitor alongside Howdy and a very good one because she cares so much. Almost too much

more stressed about collecting the homework and class fees than the teachers

takes lab rules verrrrry seriously but you could not pay her to even stand next to a bunsen burner

favourite subject is Physics, oddly enough. Knowing how all these unpredictable accidents can be put into numbers gives her some kind of peace.

If something isn't explicitly stated in the instructions she'll wonder if she's missing something in between the lines

she gets made fun of for her troubles :(

Sally Starlet

Keeps getting into the principal's office

Has skipped school so many times and her grades are barely passing

If she's called up and doesn't know the answer she will make one

Is actually the president of a couple clubs and very enthusiastic during cocurricular activities, also a competent leader

Volunteers for so many activities and events. Not for credit, for fun

Rules announced at school talks because of her: No feather duster lightsaber battles, no standing on tables and starting impromptu sing-alongs, no 'grand car tire roly poly racing' down the halls, no broom twirling, no white balloons, etc.

identifies as Poppy's weekly heart attack

Eddie Dear

Exchange student! The mystery is from where. Most people think he's avoiding the answer

Isn't a leader in anything but has gained a reputation for being such a reliable stand-up guy whose flaws are more forgivable

He's a prefect who gets called out of class more than anyone to help with something

He's always so happy to help but then he gets even more late or tired, and his grades are falling behind

If you asked him to share his lunch money he'd gladly do it. with hesitance.

needs better boundaries

Julie Joyful

School's beloved. The kind of student who gets immediate applause when they perform or receive an award during an assembly

Started her own gardening club, grades are in the top few, an optimism that's as baffling as it is infectious

Sneaks gum and random toys into class, somehow manages to style her uniform in a unique way every other week

"psst can I copy your homework? I'll do your nails"

Can make any old cleaning task fun

Best and favourite subject is physical education, which includes games, gym, health, etc. Basically hands-on learning because she gets bored sitting still too long

Has a competitive side that gets wild if left unchecked

Frank Frankly

Number one in grades, always was, always will be

He's organizational, not lawful. Doesn't mind climbing over a fence or two in the name of education

His desk is almost unreal to look at it's so clean. Thinks of ways to solve a task so efficiently you'd think he's aiming to be class monitor (he is)

Though he intimidates people they often ask for study tips. His handwriting is an actual font and his diagrams look printed

Favourite subject is Biology but you wouldn't know because he excels at all of them

Also a prefect. He met Eddie during the orientation

During free time if he's not studying or doing homework exercises, he's sketching or letting Eddie and Julie gather at his table to chat

*raises hand* "uUhm teacher you forgot to assign homewo-"

Barnaby B. Beagle

If Julie gets candy into class he's somehow having whole dinners at the back. There's a rumour his bag can carry a microwave

He makes jokes during class, he balances stationary on his nose, he calls the teachers dude, his uniform is messy, but he's so chill and sweet that he's comfortable to be around real quick

Never pays attention during class. If he's not sleeping he's poking holes in his eraser with a pencil or something

yet he keeps getting decent grades. Teachers do NOT like him but popular among students

Best subject is English, but not everyone appreciates his poetry and essays unfortunately

Wally Darling

There's being well-liked and then there's 'most crushes accumulated school-wide'. It's no wonder because of how nice and helpful he is

Often told he has so much potential and that he's a model student. Basically teacher's pet

He's apparently known as so kind and sweet and gentle and perfect and cute but his friends know he's just a silly sleepy guy

You either love him or hate him, no in between

Best subject is art, his paintings are often posted around the school and he's done a few wall projects

Focuses verrry well in class! Appears so anyways. Head's always in the clouds, such a daydreamer

Also, certain unexplainables noticed about him. Brings one shiny apple every day but doesn't eat it. Leaves school, yes, but how does he get home? He's always the first one in class too, before Poppy. Somehow has all the latest gossip, but he'd never spill a friend's secret :)

Howdy Pillar

Class monitor, next to Poppy. He's just a handy dude

Helps out in the school cooperative selling items, most responsible out of everyone because he can keep a level head for tasks

Doesn't stand out much, originally just wanted to get through the semesters and get the business experience but soon became a social butterfly

Jarringly cheerful under all the work he takes upon himself. His organizational skills rival Frank's. No one knows how he does it

If someone can't afford to pay for something he helps them out in a way that doesn't technically break any rules

Is also the reason their class alone is cleaner than anyone else's. Poppy is the reason no one's dead

[miniimapp]

Can you make hcs for Aaron T,Z, and fem or gender neutral reader being in a poly relationship?

Gen ;; Fluff - Headcanons

Warnings ;; none lol

Proofread + Edited ;; if you even consider this a possibility do you even know me ??

Auth. Note ;; never written poly before so forgive any inaccuracy,, also we went gn!reader for this bc i wanted to alskfkb

also the colour scheme is giving halloween and i live for it :DD

Jan 2024 Edit ;; excuse my abhorrent timing.. let's pretend it hasn't nearly been a year since i got this, yh ?? sick lol

✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈«

literally the first thing that came to mind is lazy mornings

just straight up cuddles only,, no worries

as i typed that i got the sudden like mini scene in my kind of T singing hakuna matata and Z joining in with little harmonies

holy shit T's morning voice is deeper than the fucking mariana trench my dudes

let's get one thing clear,, everyone gets flustered by T's morning voice

and he finds it fucking hilarious

but for the first months of dating,, you thoughts Z was the only exception

literally not a single eyelid batted

you were beyond confused

like,, your cheeks are burning

how is mans enduring this.. what are his secrets

like,, you'd feel your brain melting out of ears trying to maintain some semblance of calm and Z over here is brushing it off like water off of a duck's back

at least that's what you think

inside Z is full on screeching,, he is hot,, he is flustered,, he might be dying..

but hey,, at least no one can tell !!

it took a couple months for you to figure out that Z does not,, in fact,, keep his cool over T's morning voice

he does,, in fact,, lose it just like everyone else

how did you find this out you may be wondering ??

through Z's top secret diary of course !!

you and T stumbled upon by complete accident

really,, you did !!

no sneakiness was utilised in this mission.. definitely not..

but it just so happened to be left open on the table

you didn't even realise what it was at first,, figured it was one of Z's choreo notations and got kinda curious

T always liked to sneak peeks at the choreo beforehand to see how tiring it was going to be lol

then,, once you'd started reading you just couldn't stop

there were pages upon pages of flustered musings,, sincere endearment,, and loving descriptions

it was all too sweet !!

and within those pages was it

all of Z's hidden breakdowns over T's morning voice !!

you knew you weren't the only once,, you just knew it !!

the euphoria quickly subsided to make way for guilt at reading his diary

and you knew T was feeling similarly..

so,, you fessed up

that was awkward,, lemme tell you !!

you'd never seen T so.. squeamish (??) before

luckily,, Z didn't react badly

not even slightly

his reaction actually startled you slightly

because he just started laughing

it started small,, an amused little huff and snowballed into hiccuping snorts

it was honestly kinda adorable..

and that broke the awkwardness for both you and T

you joined in real quick

that really smashed through a couple of layers of ice you guys hadn't even realised was there from the beginning of your relationship

you all got a lot more comfortable around each other after that !!

it was good :))

moving on,,

i feel like T started this game called something stupid like "say that again but rap it"

literally all he does is get Z to repeat his sentences but rap them instead

so Z flipped it back on him because let's be real,, T can talk for a podium position,, he's literally the perfect target of his own game

fr out of nowhere T was rambling and Z waited for him to finish his spoken essay before going,, "say that again but rap it"

T was beyond flabbergasted,, mans forgets the words as soon as they left his mouth

and don't we all frfr

but is that going to stop him from trying (and failing) ??

you bet your ass it isn't !!

mans said real fast "gimme a beat"

AND Z DOES WITHOUT HESITATION

free entertainment baby,, that's what you're in for with these two ;DD

it was a catastrophe,, lemme be real clear

it was mostly just frantic not-words and vocalisations with the odd word or phrase that he actually remembed thrown in

lots of "hmm dumm da stupid fucking washing mashine uhh da dee da" and "broken p- uh p-pu- uh,, what's that word?? da da,, shut up Z !! oh,, pulsator!!"

like,, yeah you got that word but now we've lost all sense of rhythm lmao

it's a great time honestly,, wish i could've been there fr

overall,, i think that this throuple would be so amazingly chaotic but also so sweet and good to one another

you'd never want for anything,, they'd do everything they could for you

and you work so well with them and be such a good connection to the world outside 4*TOWN

i think you'd def keep them feeling human and real

[butchtateandtackle]

Why I Love Luan Loud

(1/4 of a series of essays in which I ramble about my favourite characters/ships in the loud house)

Luan Loud, with her blend of silliness and occasional mean-spirited pranks, might not seem like the most endearing character at first glance. I mean, she's one of the most disliked characters on the show because of her pranks and otherwise 'annoying' habits.

Yet, she has become my favorite character for a multitude of reasons that resonate deeply with me. On the surface, Luan embodies a stark contrast: her antics, which lean towards the extreme, particularly during her notorious April Fools' episodes, are balanced by an inherent sweetness and kindness, as shown by how she treats her siblings with physical affection and often supporting them. This contrast is what draws me to her character, and what I love about her so much.

Personally, I've always felt a connection to characters who are unapologetically themselves. Growing up, I was often labeled as an annoying chatterbox. Luan is similar to this, wherein she is often groaned at or implicitly called annoying in dialogue. Despite her family's lukewarm reactions to her humor, she does not take the hint, and just continues on regardless. This could be a mix of either neurodivergence making her misunderstand anything that isn't a clear verbal complaint as simply just a comment, or rather she understands that they dislike it, but doesn't care. However, i'm hesistant to say this due to the fact that she has been shown to be rather oblivious when it comes to social cues. Not to say that she is stupid, because she isn't, but rather her intelligence lies in technical skills such as mechanical engineering (as seen by her pranks), clowning, comedy and acting.

The episode "No Laughing Matter," where Luan decides to quit comedy is the episode that really stuck with me and made me be a big fan of Luan. Watching her hesitate and carefully plan her words struck a chord with me, as if she was struggling so hard to not bring up her special interest (puns/comedy) in any remote way, which I full heartedly believe is similar to masking, and I relate *a lot* too.

For those uninitiated, Masking is a form of pretending in which those who are neurodivergent frequently act a different way to avoid their more explicit ND traits causing them social alienation. However, this can drain energy and be harmful for neurodivergent people, as they're pretending someone who they're not, which is harmful to anyone.

I could make the case for all of the Loud siblings being on the spectrum in some capacity, but I want to specifically highlight Luan here given she's often disregarded when the fandom talks about neurodivergent headcanons, even though she could be argued as being explicitly coded as such.

There's a deeper layer to Luan that often goes unnoticed. Like many of the Loud children, Luan navigates a sense of neglect, which I believe fuels her over-the-top pranks on April Fools' Day. It seems to be her way of clamoring for the attention she feels she lacks, escalating her antics in hopes of acknowledgment. This cycle of seeking validation through increasingly bold actions could be stretch but in the future I plan to write an essay on how shit the Loud parents are.

Beyond the screen, Luan and I share a common background as theatre kids, which deepens my affinity for her. My own experiences was honestly fucking shitty, cause of an ableist drama teacher, but regardless, that's a shared experience I share with Luan. Aside from that, I also love the colour yellow, I also performed comedy routines in front of my family as a kid, I love vintage fashion similar to 60s (which Luan 100% embodies fight me on that) and I do love a good pun. So, as a result, I see my younger self in Luan and have a strong desire to protect and ensure her safety/happiness otherwise. It sounds rather silly but it's the truth. Characters can be like that, where they feel so similar that it just clicks for you.

In summary, Luan's unabashed silliness and her determination to remain true to herself is why she is, without a doubt, my favorite character.

[indolamine]

hey y'all 🤍 here's a link for INFO on jiyeon, but i'll include some bullet points here with all you need to know. in case anything here sparks ideas for your muse and you'd like to work on a plot, hmu. i do prefer dscrd, so don't hesitate to ask. oh and i'd appreciate it if you could shoot me a dm first so my account doesn't get banned trying to touch base with the likes (say literally anything, hit me with a send it to me rachel if you'd be so kind). still, if you'd rather just hit like it's fine, i'll reach out once tumblr allows me!

jiyeon is what you'd call an Interesting Girl. someone you don't call or arrange schedules with, just happen upon. someone who never calls you but can be your best friend between 11pm and 3am. a fun girl, you just don't look too long.

both her parents are dead for all intents and purposes, which's proven to be a very character defining event in her life. one of her fathers passed away before she was even code, and the other chose to virtually die to work as a doctor for terrascape when she turned 18.

as single beneficiary to both her fathers, jiyeon found herself young, alone and newly rich. she's not particularly self destructive, but choices were made. luckily? for the most part, she was too stunned by grief and anger to blow away her fortune, which now affords her a cushy life she doesn't dwell too hard on.

she's emotionally stunted, still reliving the loss of her parents somewhere in her mind at every moment. she knows a lot of people, calls them friends but struggles to connect with them, blinking in and out of their lives. death is a constant thought, not quite a morbid fascination but more of a haunting. she knows, poor little rich girl.

she writes -- tries to, anyway. she's got some essays published, wrote for a column for a hot minute, it's her definitive trade of choice. but, and not to get too meta, the thing about writing is that you do have to write. that's the tricky part. merits were a good incentive, though once they're no longer an issue, she finds herself ignoring deadlines and putting off work on the novel she's been writing for the past 4 years. she instead "gathers experiences". she has many talents that she has no interest in seriously exploring, so she entertains herself while the high lasts.

between her writing and her party girl fame, at some point along the way she amassed a following on social media that she hesitates to cut loose. they make her more interesting than she, merely human, could ever hope to be, and she doesn't know how to kill the part of her that answers to their call. it's a lie when she says she doesn't look at what they say.

adult life for her breezes by in parties with half-friends and long bouts of reclusion. she wants to be a little of everything. she enjoys reading, skiing, playing silly little meta indie games about living in hyper realities. she doesn't commit to romantic relationships, yet enjoys the hunt anyway. she takes her time, and it never seems to align with anyone else's.

& here's a rolling list of canons that could also serve as potential connections for anyone interested, will add more as they come to me:

she once got involved with a couple for some brief months and it didn't end well

one of the few things she gets competitive about is skiing

she's fucked someone's significant other purely out of spite

she has a writing group whose meetings she misses often but she isn't the only one so she feels like it's a safe space

the person she plays a random weird rpg with incognito is maybe the most consistent relationship in her life, their chats can get very personal and strange and they can go weeks on no contact but go right back to where they left off

the events surrounding gyuok pique her interest because it's the first time terra residents could potentially be hearing from a virtually deceased and because he's essentially a virtual ghost which she thinks is neat

one of her published essays focuses on a celebrity she knows personally and doesn't portray them in the best light, which soured their relationship

[caramelmochacrow]

WHOS NOA I NEED TO KNOW AND COMPLETE THE HINASATO JUNJUN TRINITY

Hehe, buckle up because I'm one of her biggest fans!

Here are some cards of her before I ramble!

Noa Fukushima is from D4DJ Groovy Mix and a member of one of the DJ units, Photon Maiden. The reason why Noa joined the DJ unit is because of her love of literature. She joined a theater workshop and was complemented greatly on her acting skills. This eventually led to her deciding to be a performer and auditioning to join Photon Maiden. Noa is curious about anything and everything, she has an amazing memory and extensive knowledge because of it; she likes reading books and anything cute. She doesn't hesitate sharing her interests at all! She's one of the most emotional characters in D4DJ, but also the most logical. She can go from squealing about cute things to talking strategy and making references to academic sources in a few seconds.

Because of her extensive memory, knowledge and love for reading, Noa is one of the smartest and talented people ever in D4DJ. She has won a national essay writing competition in elementary school, been complemented by her friend Towa about her skills in sports and cooking, and repeatedly been called a genius ever since she was young. However, because people have been calling her a genius, her peers and teachers assumed Noa could handle anything by herself, distancing themselves from her. This caused Noa to believe that everyone around her think she's terrifying and keep her problems to herself. Since Noa believes she is a terrifying person, she started to research on how to be cute so that people will like her more. At first, this was done similar to a zoologist studying animal behaviors, but thanks to one of the girls in the series (Kurumi), this made Noa realize that being cute is something that can be fluid and depend on the beholder. This soon developed into observing cute things out of pure love and trying to see what can make anything classify as "cute", even though she herself isn't. As D4DJ has gone on, Noa has learned to be kinder to herself and eventually managed to find herself to be cute, but she still has many steps to go. I think I managed to talk about everything I know about Noa, so I'll end off here. I will say everything I have said isn't everything about Noa (I haven't even talked about how she acts with girls) so if you have more questions about her, just ask away! I love talk about my faves in D4DJ <3 (I might take a bit because I'm a little busy atm, lol)

P.S I actually haven't said it yet, but since you bring up Junna, I assume you're kinda knowledgeable with Revstar, so I'll tell you that everyone in Photon Maiden voices someone in Revstar as well. The DJ, Saki Izumo has the same voice as Akikaze Rui; the vocalist, Ibuki Niijima has the same voice as Koharu Yanagi; Towa Hanamaki (the blue-haired girl in the first card) has the same voice as Mahiru Tsuyuzaki. Actually, there are 7 VAs in D4DJ (including Photon) that also work in Revstar but I think I'll stop talking here, lol.

[corvidcrybaby]

I must know more about Judah and Rabbi Loew! Please tell me who they're all about. What are their connections to Zemira?

EEEEE TYSM FOR THE ASK I'M SO SORRY FOR THE LATE ASS RESPONSE.......!!! I'm glad someone finds them interesting, they're easily the hardest part of Lesions of a Different Kind to write but I find them so deeply moving and fun to explore. I'm gonna copypaste some info from a fucking essay I wrote a friend regarding Judah.

JUDAH

Judah the Hammer is based directly off of the real historical figure of Judah Maccabee, the inspired guerrilla commander who was the mastermind behind much of the Jewish victories during the Maccabean Revolt. This was a real historical event in the 160's BC which saw a Judean revolt oust the Hellenic Seleucid Empire from its control over Judea, and an end to their Hellenization policies which threatened to erase the lion's share of Jewish traditions and identity at the time. The holiday of Hanukkah commemorates this story and the miracle of the oil.

In my Hellsing fic, Judah is the primary antagonist. Rather than dying in his suicide charge at Elasa, this version of Judah was turned into a vampire, and still walks the Earth. This event thoroughly shattered his worldview and his understanding of his role in it. As the antag, he forms an important foil with Alucard, because Alucard did much the same shit that Judah did - guerrilla warfare waged against a larger, more powerful empire, complete with being remembered as a total brute of a man - with the major difference being that Judah's war was victorious. He just didn't get to live to see it.

When I set out to design the prime antag for Lesions it was a tough call. I knew I wanted it to be an 'ancient world' vampire, and I wanted to keep up the trend of a historical figure being a vampire such as with Alucard and Erzsebet - which, yes, I like Hirano's other project Drifters quite a lot, don't @ me LOL. But then I also decided I wanted it to be personal to Zemira in some way, shape or form in such a way that would challenge her in a meaningful way and also be her worst nightmare incarnate. I was really hesitant to go there with this character for obvious reasons, but then I remembered that part of why I love Hellsing so much is that it isn't afraid to go there and tackle the uncomfortable topics in these big grandiose orgies of violence and philosophizing and grand tragedy. And I got to wondering about the dynamics between a medieval warlord like Vlad III and a warlord from antiquity like Judah Maccabee and how they would differ and relate to and from one another, and decided that that topic and the way people lionize historical figures and re-interpret them to fit the needs of their time. I've always found that topic intriguing as a historian because I first and foremost consider it folly, no matter what argument you're trying to make with them. But on the other hand, these were real people whose actions shaped the world we live in now, and I suppose I wanted to explore with the horrific matrix we call vampirism might do to a man like Judah, and how it would highlight and distort his character traits. I also, of course, wanted to make him a foil that Alucard could face down that would enhance his appreciation for Zemira's traits that are so distinctly hers (her rebellious attitude, her tenacious-to-the-point-of-stupidity tendencies, her disregard for power structures that don't respect her, et cetera) while also giving Zemira a "this you???" kind of antag that will make her question herself and grow into a stronger person.

Judah is an embodiment of Jewish rage. All the trauma, all the anger, all the suffering and all the cruel irony of two thousand years of antisemitism coalesced onto the shoulders of a single man. A man who, to his own community, is controversial and complicated. A cautionary tale to some, an inspiration to others. Sometimes for good reasons, other times for bad - but always drawing from the same core story of who Judah the Hammer was and what he did.

So from the time of his turning, Judah took it upon himself to wander the Earth as a foul-tempered arbiter of retribution for the horrors the Gentile world inflicts onto Jews. For every Jew murdered in a hate crime, he would take the life of a Gentile - with a particular hyperfixation on Europeans, as these were his sworn enemy in life, and that hatred extends particularly to Christianity, who he views as the torchbearers of Hellenic influence and outright calls them cultists; he's definitely disappeared plenty of villages throughout the rest of the world, mind you, definitely destroyed some mosques, but his main tunnelvision is upon Europe. I feel like if he were to put forward an insane Old Man Conspiracy Theory, it would be that Jesus was actually a Hellenized Jew or some shit like that and therefore a Greek and therefore the enemy. He is an ancient vampire and every bit the giga-powerful behemoth you'd expect from a being his age, but he chafes at the body he inhabits and has never fully accepted that he is what he is now (meaning he and Zemira both know what it's like to exist in a body that isn't home to them). He exists in the role of a spirit of temptation, but is in fact ace, and generally hates being touched. Oftentimes he wouldn't even kill for food, and in fact, still despises drinking blood and has never truly acclimated to it, only drinking from people he considered deplorable enough to take into himself and weaponize against their kindred, be it as a thrall or as something to simply sustain his existence. He prefers to carry and eat bones, as he dislikes waste and excess, and considers drinking blood to be a gross indulgence.

Is he grandiose, or pathetic? Tragic hero, or petty opportunist? DId he truly take up this mantle of being a spirit of vengeance out of a belief it was G-d's intention for him, or did he window-shop a hypothesis for an event (his turning) that he had no control over and traumatized him deeper than he could ever hope to recover from? Is he to blame for his callous reduction of peoples' lives to political 'gotchas', or is that a product of his time that anyone on a high horse about their morals would have fallen into as well? Does his vampirism make him a monster, or was he monstrous before an infectious Nosferatu's fangs got anywhere near him?

There aren't a lot of clear answers in the text about this because I mostly use him to pose difficult questions to the cast of Lesions, and how they react to him determines much of who and what they are. He's extremely difficult to write well and I've rewritten his scenes more often than any other characters, but I love him.

Yet even with all this grim characterization, Judah is a character that is just an endless blast to write for and daydream about. Whereas Alucard is all pomp and circumstance, elegance and dramatism, Judah is rugged, foul-mouthed just like Zemi, and with a crotchety old man mean streak a mile wide. When he moves about, his body acts like it's being controlled by a drunken puppeteer - very 'HOW DO I DRIVE THIS THING???' energy, because vampirism in Hellsing is often framed in Christian terms. Therefore, as a Jew, it's really hard for him to acclimate to it, and his fight scenes have major Drunk Monk energy. The text calls him "a boulder of a man" as opposed to Alucard's gracile and lanky build, and is shorter than him at six-foot-even (since people used to be smaller in the ancient world, generally).

He's an angry old man, he's a dude who's sad that his little brother died in front of him, he's your orthodox uncle with a bad attitude who tries to corner you at the family function to tell you how you're off the derech, he's Oscar the Grouch in vampire form, and his fight scenes are shockingly violent. Alucard kills people and makes a spectacle of it, but Judah's kills read like you found a video of a guy bludgeoning a fellow inmate to death with a lead pipe in a high-security prison that got released on Liveleak or something.

Also, my voiceclaim for him is Brok from God of War: Ragnarok.

He's a dick, but it's hard to look away whenever he's talking. And I love him for it. <3

RABBI LOEW

Shifting gears here, Rabbi Loew is, much like Judah, the very same Rabbi Loew as the real person who is fabled to have created the legendary Golem of Prague - in my Hellsing fic, he's done just that, and still resides in what looks to be a decrepit old mansion in Prague, but will reveal itself as a safe haven for Jews who are in a bad spot. He's essentially the Prophet Elijah figure of the story - he appears to people along with his golem in scenarios where they are deeply and truly lost and in need of guidance, giving them a comforting nudge in the direction they need. He's a repository for endless depths of knowledge, and opposed to the rest of the Hellsing cast who are so fond of carrying themselves with over-the-top aesthetic maximalism, Rabbi Loew is very simple, very soft-spoken, and although he can absolutely get angry and does so in the story, he hardly ever raises his voice. He's part of an important web of foils that includes Rabbi Loew & his golem (simply named Guard in the text) versus Integra and Alucard, as well as how he represents a defunct, dead-in-the-water version of the Integra/Alucard boss and servant bond due to his complicated and fraught relationship with Judah.

Rabbi Loew actually contributed some of magical binding seals used to tie Alucard to the Hellsing family, which furthers the golem parallel so core to the story. But the elephant in the room here is that Rabbi Loew does not have Judah bound in a similar manner. Judah comes and goes from the mansion in Prague at random. Usually, he swings by just to rest for a bit, and maybe pick a few obnoxious arguments with Rabbi Loew. There is a great deal of uncertainty in how they interact. On the one hand, Judah is four times Rabbi Loew's age, but the latter actually looks like an old man, where as Judah looks around his mid-to-late-fifties, and is found of calling him "Old Guy." Rabbi Loew is, well, a fucking Rabbi, and therefore commands a certain kind of deference and respect amongst most Jews, especially as a legendary figure - but Judah is a figure even more legendary in Jewish history, and comes from a time in which Rabbinic Judaism was not the standard (Second Temple Judaism, to be specific), thus meaning they are separated by time in more ways than one. I think secretly both persons look to the other for inspiration, but are always saddened and frustrated by what they find. Judah finds Rabbi Loew to be overly passive and toothless, despite their first meeting being Rabbi Loew coming upon the Hammer brutalizing and torturing a Cossack to death in a shockingly violent manner, and saying "Not that I'm opposed to cracking a few skulls when push comes to shove, but don't you think this is a bit much?" And despite Judah's dislike for the old Rabbi's attitude, he often finds himself yielding when Rabbi Loew checks him on his brutality. But when his Rabbi isn't around, Judah continues on his usual sporadic outbursts of vengeful violence on Gentile communities, believing that if he was cursed with vampirism, then he must become like one of the Plagues of Egypt itself. HaShem did terrible things in the name of justice then, and Judah sees himself as one of those further terrible necessities, instead of his own person.

Rabbi Loew hates this.

Rabbi Loew looks at Judah and thinks of how much good a person like him could do with the mind-blowing powers of vampirism at his disposal. The lives he could save, the atrocities he could prevent, the connections he could build and foster, if he so chose to do so. But Judah doesn't do that. Judah is resigned to being the Hammer of Israel, the Lion of Judea, the Beast of the Levant. He is so deep in a haze of dissociation that he sometimes believes everything around him is the nightmarish hallucination of a dying man (as though he's on an acid trip that never ended) that he doesn't at all consider that maybe he could make this extended lifespan of his mean something. He doesn't consider that wandering the Earth and murdering Gentiles to "keep the score even" isn't actually helpful. He thinks it's beyond his purview. And Rabbi Loew can't help but keep trying to Uncle Iroh this touchy motherfucker into a healthier headspace, but I think both men know that the old Rabbi doesn't have what it takes to truly get through to Judah. And so, detente. They share space and company and do care for one another, but it's a doomed friendship that can't go much deeper than that.

Because at the end of the day, just like any real Rabbi, Rabbi Loew is just a man. There are bells and whistles that call it into question (such as his unnatural long life, which I won't address here due to spoilers), but he's just an old fellow, doing his best to make the world a slightly less cruel place.

He gets the least engagement, but I love him too.

[minquiec]

A character analysis of a character that doesn't even actually exist besides the boundaries of my own brain

Another essay in which I go completely unhealthily insane about my own character. Once again unchecked, unproofreaded, un-everythinged

Jia is a character who I tried to put layers into, or as much as I have really tried because my brain is far too smooth to come up with well written complex characters. Seeing as I've never actually introduced her personality or lore, I'll occasionally give overviews to give certain contexts. While she still isn't fully fleshed out, I'll just be regurgitating things I've pulled from my brain because it's one am and I need to release this pent up energy somehow.

A core theme of Jia's character is uncertainty. This ranges from parts of her personality to her backstory and her journey as 'Spider Girl'.

backstory

Let's discuss her backstory first briefly. Jia was born outside of China and grew up in various places. As a child, her family was constantly on the move for mostly work reasons from her parents. Her parents themselves weren't bad parents but weren't the kind of people that were meant for raising children. Both of her parents worked as scientists that travelled often for research purposes and while they loved Jia, their love for their work was far greater. Their dreams were far greater than Jia. Being raised in such instability both in terms of location and emotional connection, would inevitably lead to her developing issues with her communication on an emotional level which would then prove to be a problem that contributes to her uncertainty as 'Spider Girl' and her 'not so canon event'.

personality + attitude

The uncertainty within Jia's personality is buried underneath her other qualities. Not in the sense where she's creating a fake personality but she has just pushed it aside to quite literally not think about it. The most literal example of this is her split soul concept. Her dwelling uncertainty of her role and her future as 'Spider Girl' has literally brought a manifestation and caused a split within herself. Unconsciously, Jia had developed a fear for uncertainty which led her habit of often just not thinking about it instead. The uncertainty of her future was increased tenfold when she became 'Spider Girl' which was what caused her to become so hesitant to wholeheartedly accept her role and responsibility. As far as Jia is aware, she only knows she doesn't feel the will to fully commit to her duties as a hero but doesn't know what the cause of this reluctance is leading to guilt because she's aware that 'with power comes responsibility'. This inner turmoil was the main drive of her soul splitting as she very reluctantly took her role as 'Spider Girl' without addressing her issues with it.

Her hesitancy with her duties is subconsciously reflected in her actions and attitudes. For example her 'title' is Spider Girl, whereas most others have deviated from the name spiderman or spidergirl she half heartedly just went with whatever was practical. While the title is technically what she is, it doesn't really reflect her as a person. It was just something to fill in the gaps with no thought attached to it. Another example is her mask. Jia often prefers to have her mask off, primarily because there is this running joke of others calling her an orange because of her suit design. Another reason she insists is that it's suffocating underneath the mask both in a literal sense and a figurative sense as she wears the mask to be someone she doesn't want.

Majority of the time, Jia would be portrayed as this somewhat unserious but easy going character to others. She's relatively friendly and gets along well with most. What she keeps beneath her other qualities is her pessimistic leaning and 'realistic' outlook. Jia tends to take extra contexts and factors into perspective and would take the most realistic approach to things because that's the safest course of action, no matter how much it doesn't sit well with her heart.

Even Jia's location has links to uncertainty. Like I had said earlier, Jia was not born in China and since her parents had always been busy her connection with her nationality has always been a little strained. Being suddenly dumped to live with your grandma in a land you hardly know is bound to lead to uncertainty and ironically she ends up feeling disconnected to the very place she's supposed to protect.

extra

In a way, Jia's character is a metaphor for growing up. Her story can almost be interpreted as a coming of age plot where she, a 19 year old girl, is put through the motions of life while she's left to deal with the uncertainty of the future. Suddenly she must carry a responsibility that she doesn't know how to handle and is unable to let anyone else know, both in a 'This is my secret identity' way and in a 'I'm emotionally constipated because I don't know how to communicate' way. Instead of healthily regulating her thoughts and emotions on the matter, she mentally blocks it away to focus on the much nicer things in life. In this sense, she could almost be seen as selfish or childish as she tries to almost cling onto the last remaining time of having a '-teen' in her age. This is reflected in her hairstyle choice, seeing that hair like hers are often associated with younger children, albeit she does this unintentionally/subconsciously.

Despite all, Jia still persists. Despite her being so uncertain on just about everything, she wholeheartedly believes that the city she lives in is something worth protecting. Despite her disconnectedness to her homeland, she loves it all the same within the two years of living there. There is still that 'spiderman' goodness within her that drives her to do what's right to protect her city as much as it drives her nuts, basing off the logic of "if I don't do it, then who will?".

why jia fell for hobie

In a sense, Hobie saves her. To Jia, Hobie is someone who she never knew she would interact with, nevermind become attached to. They are different in so many ways that she never would've guessed they could even talk. However this perspective was only because she grew up in the typical society of norms and labelling of who's who. His views are so drastically different to what she is used to but she feels almost an affinity for the values behind them. Through their time of being together, his way of doing things influences her in many ways. His own commitment to his beliefs essentially acted as a foundation for her to begin solidifying her own decisiveness on her actions both as a person and being a spiderperson. More importantly, it's the way he's against rules and systems. While Jia isn't a stickler for rules, her outlook on life is realistic like I said before. Jia knows that they are from different universes and that realistically, they can never have their ending together. However, for obvious reasons, he doesn't give a damn for what is or isn't possible. His 'organized chaos' brings almost a solace in Jia as she can rely on him to stay true to himself.

their relationship in more detail

Jia is romantically constipated as hell. That's pretty much her in a nutshell. Growing up with semi absent parents will make it hard for you to ask or communicate. Miraculously, platonic friendships are totally fine for her but every becomes awkward for her on a romantic scale. During their friendship arc, Jia found herself finding much comfort in his presence because he was always so easy to talk to. She knew at one point that she liked him but nearly cast it aside because she knew she could never have the courage to do anything about it. In fact just thinking about how she would have to probably ask him out officially and confess made her shrivel at the idea. Or that's what the 'normal' way of asking out was. Luckily for her, he doesn't follow. He never made it a special occasion or anything and it was completely on an ordinary hangout between themselves where he just dropped a 'I like you' which made her brain explode but she appreciated it so much afterwards that he never made a big deal out of it all.

If she was in a relationship with anyone else, her s/o most likely would've become highly frustrated with Jia as she's not one to initiate dates, affection, gifts or any of the traditional romantic gestures because she's just so out of touch with what to do. Hobie has no expectations for such and much prefers spending time together without it needing a special reason. The affections and actions are much more mundane between them to a point where it's not meant to show others but more towards simply being comfortable with each other. It's the simple things that matter more for them like the feeling of warm skin to remind themselves that they are alive after a bad patrol or quick kiss pressed to the cheek for no reason other than the emotion threatening to spill in their chest when they look at the other.

why he ended up liking her

This is all mostly based on my own headcanon of him where he has a preference for simplicity because of the chaos in his universe. Jia is a simple girl. She's the kind of person who really enjoys the simple things in life as a way to forget about her uncertainty. If she was a colour she'd be a pale light yellow, someone who's vaguely joyful and bright but not in a straining way. Besides the bare minimums of being a good person, Jia is a really good listener. While he doesn't essentially force his views on anyone (literally defeats his purpose), he does offer his opinion on a lot of things in a straightforward manner. Jia always listens wholeheartedly and engages actively instead of just brushing him off. While she doesn't completely turn her life upside down to follow him in his ideals because y'know it's hard to change a lifestyle you've lived all your life, she does take small things into consideration in her life after hearing him talk or tagging along for things that he believes is important. It's something he appreciates about her for. He finds himself at ease around Jia and even more so in private where he sticks so, so close to her. I wholeheartedly believe he is a gentle guy but not the traditional sense where he's all smiles or something you usually associate with that but in a way where affections are nearly always soft and meaningful. Prior to Jia, his lifestyle never exactly allowed this kind of mundane comfort that she brings. The warmth of someone else's skin in his hands is something he seriously loves and often grounds his loud brain. Love languages between them is prominently quality time, physical touch and acts of service. He shows care through actions rather than proclamations. Although soft moments are only reserved for behind doors and mostly occasional as 98% of the time he's this annoyingly infuriating loveable bastard rat of a man.

Why they cannot end up together (until the very end)

While it's not established within the relationship, as the creator I see a 'power' dynamic between them. While Hobie saves Jia, she doesn't save him in the way he does. From the creator's perspective, Jia needs him far more than he needs her in a sense which creates an imbalance. This is why the modern au is their true happy ending where Jia doesn't have to face the heavy burden of her uncertainty and both don't need to bear the responsibility of the world upon their shoulders. In a world where instead of night patrols, nights could be spent for spontaneous midnight snack runs or a world where instead of worrying about how to protect their city and loved ones for another day, all they needed to worry about was grocery lists and folding laundry.

[skydigiblogs]

sky and co's seeker thoughts (ch 2)

ough, okay, quick thoughts on chapter 2. will try to be brief but i'll likely elaborate on these at a later point once i finish the whole novel (which, yeah, i am still gonna force myself through even though i am disliking it; i did the same for next, and it'll keep me occupied at work lmao)

so, first thing's first: i really do not like the worldbuilding of seekers. there's a lot going on that makes me very uncomfortable. that is:

everything to do with nation x. introducing it and describing it only through its low GDP, state-sponsored terrorism, and dictator, is uh. hm. it just doesn't sit right with me to strip a nation down to strictly these things, because unfortunately even if you call it "nation x," those characteristics have real world geopolitical connotations. to put it lightly, guys that feels a bit racist of you.

following on that, uh, hey, you know what also doesn't look great? SoC is introduced as "A militant organization that is considered to be the right wing of the code cracking team." SoC is described as a terrorist group itself (and i genuinely can't tell if this is the writer trying to write it so that this is supposed to be slanderous).

and one of their top execs is also the only person of color we have in the novel. right, right, cool, um. hey. like i love marvin's characterization so far dgmr, he is an actual person, but i really hope seekers tries to do anything to counter the fact it literally described SoC as a right wing, terrorist group??

final worldbuilding note: i don't like the fact that seekers hinges on us believing that the fuckin metaverse took off enough that there's a crypto rivaling the USD. this is the only worldbuilding note i am willing to let slide, since it is, at the end of the day, in service of giving us more of a reason why digimon can affect the real world at all (since, afaik, digimon can't realize in the real world, only hololize). other series like CS and GG did it just fine without this shit but i will let it slide for now. i may not be so kind on it in the inevitable essay about the whole thing.

i fucking hate sad white boy (leon). just straight up thumbs down i hate everything about him and how he is used narratively. this is because he is described as a blonde, blue eyed man with a tragic past whose fit physique is thanks to him working out to bury that "weakness" (his trauma). he has a savior complex and is an american and god holy fucking shit i hate him.

reason why i hate sad white boy number 2: sad white boy in chapter 2 is, by the end of it, almost explicitly meant to represent an ideal of his that is in conflict with eiji. that's to say, sad white boy is "justice," and eiji is "freedom." this is practically handed to us in chapter 2-9. i am aware that takemikazuchi mode exists so i know obviously at some point these two have to make amends, but seeing how chapter 2 ended with eiji crying over sad white boy martyring himself to save him (we'll get back to THAT in a sec), implying that he would even consider relenting his idea of "freedom" for sad white boy is. hm.

reason 3: following on that last point, sad white boy is by definition privileged. seekers isn't hesitant to point this out, which i do like! what i don't like, however, is that them doing so feels hollow after sad white boy's martyring at the end of chapter 2. this is especially so thanks to the fact that it's also coming after loogarmon's dark digivolution, which, in the text, feels like the narrative trying to condemn eiji for his resentment towards leon (something which, for a kid like eiji who has lost so fucking much makes sense!).

(side note: i know in general digimon has a habit of using dark digivolution as a way of like, condemning certain emotions. i would love to unpack that in a longer essay, to be honest.)

i love eiji though. dumb little shit.

still not sure what the narrative wants me to think about the police though. by the end of it i'm probably going to have a lot of notes about it. certainly feels sour on the reading palate considering what police actually do though. yesterday i mentioned how much i hated the narrative putting a line about colonialism right next to a scene that, at least imo, felt like it was trying to paint the digipol as the good guys. like, irl, cops function as an extension of colonialism, so it just. idk.

tl;dr: savers i miss you. savers please.

(for context: i started my rewatch of savers because i wanted to see how DATS was treated in terms of portraying police. savers pleasantly surprised me considering it quite explicitly showed that the government can and will enable genocidal behavior. like, kurata wasn't a "bad apple," he was enabled by the impatience of the japanese government and a LOT OF TROOPS.)

(also savers did the privileged character clashing with the more hot-headed/loose main character thing way better than my experience is feeling at the end of chapter 2 with eiji and sad white boy.)

[bettsfic]

craft essay a day #7

i was just talking with @volturialice about comedy writing, so it's something that's been on my mind, and i've never really written about it. so consider this an early draft of a future essay that's far more coherent.

"Funny Is the New Deep: An Exploration of the Comic Impulse" by Steve Almond, The Writer's Notebook II: Craft Essays from Tin House

beginner | intermediate | advanced | masterclass 

filed under: comedy, meaning making

key terms: comic impulse (his), comic intention (mine)

summary

i was hesitant to read this essay because comedy is very important to me. i can handle bad craft essays but i'm not sure i can handle bad craft essays on comedy. but, i thought, if you're writing a craft essay on comedy, you're probably pretty funny. that's the thing about comedy: it's not usually inspected by the unfunny.

Almond opens with Aristotle's four modes of literature: the tragic, the epic, the lyric, and the comic. he disagrees with the common belief that tragedy and comedy are working in opposition to one another.

"In fact, the comic impulse almost always arises directly from our efforts to contend with tragedy. It is the safest and most reliable way to acknowledge our circumstances without being crushed by them."

he talks about how Aristophanes is the father of comedy, and goes on to discuss the history of comedy in literature, focusing mainly on Vonnegut who tried to write about the bombing of Dresden seriously before eventually, twenty years later, succumbing to his comic instinct and writing the very darkly comedic Slaughterhouse Five.

"...comedy is produced by determined confrontation with a set of feeling states that are essentially tragic in nature: grief, shame, disappointment, physical discomfort, anxiety, moral outrage. It is not about pleasing the reader. It's about purging the writer...Another way of saying this would be that the best comedy is rooted in the capacity to face unbearable emotions and to offer, by means of laughter, a dividend of forgiveness."

Almond asserts that humor is the result of being able to look at understand the wider picture, and that's why comedy can be so rooted in politics and current events. he acknowledges that what's funny is not objective, and concludes by saying,

"The real question isn't whether you can or should try to be funny in your work, but whether you're going to get yourself and your characters into enough danger to invoke the comic impulse. Literary artists don't write funny to produce laughter...but to apprehend and endure the astonishing sorrow of the examined life."

my thoughts are centered around the practicality of comedy writing, by which i mean to answer the question, but how do you be funny? and talk about what i'm calling "comic intention." (note, i came up with it just now and so i'm still Thinking on it, and my thoughts may be half-baked.)

my thoughts

this essay put me through all five stages of grief. i feel very personally called out in a paragraph about how, in a story when the stakes get too high, or as Almond says, "reaches a point of unbearable heaviness" the comic impulse is to make it funny. and i do that. and i'm so delighted by how clever and hilarious i am (sarcasm. see? he's right), and i value comedy so highly, that i'm always hesitant (or i even straight-out refuse) to change it. and he's right also, ultimately, that the impulse comes from a place of trauma, of habitually defusing. once, i was dating a guy who pulled a knife on me, and i said, "if you get my blood everywhere you're not going to get our security deposit back."

i read a certain sentiment by comedic literary authors over and over again: early in their careers, they stifled their own comic impulse in an effort to be taken seriously. they were inspired by hemingway and wanted to write dry prose of the very sober, somber variety. Almond admits this in the essay, and says the same of Vonnegut, and once i went to a lecture by George Saunders who said literally the same thing. and i'm like, what is wrong with you people? why in god's name would you ever take yourselves seriously enough to want to be taken seriously?

for me it was the inverse. it took me years to even want to take my work seriously, to think of it as anything other than fucking around and finding out. and i also take umbrage a little at the idea that comedy writing is fundamentally unserious. but then again, i revere comedy. to me being funny is the highest ideal. i believe if you can do comedy and do it well, you can do anything. comedic actors can almost always do drama, but not all dramatic actors can do comedy. one of the reasons breaking bad and better call saul are so successful is that they play on the charisma, wit, and insanely funny talent of two comic actors (Cranston and Odenkirk). they're the most serious shows you could ever watch, but they're still funny.

there's a difference i think between being serious and taking yourself seriously. the gravest creative sin, to me, is taking a story too seriously. if it's apparent the writer can't see the inherent potential humor of all things, even if that humor isn't played upon, even if no one's laughing, i am immediately ejected from a story. comedy is a wider breadth of understanding than the material offers. Almond makes this point too, and uses conservatives as an example, saying that Republicans aren't funny and that's a sign that they don't understand jackshit about anything.

i don't believe everything should be funny. but everything should acknowledge its own potential for humor.

okay so here's my big thought:

my reaction to this essay is a huge "yes, but..." i agree with Almond on nearly everything he says, except there are the nuts and bolts of joke-making to consider. and that happens in only two possible places: on the line level, the setup and the punchline; or the situational level, the concept of a story. a sitcom is a situational comedy, which means that the premise of the story itself must in some way be comedic. when writing comedy, these are the only two tools you've got. sentence and concept. that's it.

the show Barry (HBO) is, to me, the greatest example of comedy writing i've ever seen. situationally, it's hilarious: a hitman wants to be a famous actor. and on a smaller level, what it does exceptionally well is acknowledge that every character no matter how frightening or serious or tragic can be the comedic relief. this blew my mind and changed my entire understanding of character. and with that understanding, my work has become a lot funnier. my characters (i like to think) are more interesting and complicated, because any of them at any point can do either the setup or the punchline. when you have serious characters and a comedic relief, the serious characters can only do the setup, and the comedic relief does the punchline. and i believed that for a long time. i would look at the cast of characters in a given story and think, who's the funny one? and now, they're all given the power of comedic relief.

i guess if i had to define my "yes, but" response to this essay, i would say that yes, there's comic instinct, but there's also comic intention. it's having the guts to be outside the joke looking in, to consciously and at the risk of ruining the joke for yourself, engineer the funny thing. i would say comic intention begins with instinct. you have to understand the rhythm and cadence of a setup, the right timing and pacing of the punchline. in your first draft you have to see where your setups have naturally been built and in your second draft you nail the punchline.

when i edit comedic stories, that's all i do. i pay attention to the rhythm of the piece and i find where the setups are or could be, and i make a little margin note that says "punchline here."

comedy writing, to me, is basically math. and that's the least funny thing there is. but if i don't acknowledge it, if i don't approach it with intention, i never get to the punchline. and intention itself is delicate--people expect comedy to seem effortless, so if you look like you're trying to be funny, you're not funny.

all comedy is about expectation. the basic setup of a joke is setting an expectation, and the punchline is doing something with that expectation. if you want to get funnier, start thinking about the unexpected. start thinking of details in pairs. your character is standing in an elderly woman's kitchen. situationally, this might be funny. maybe your character is a deadly assassin, and the elderly woman has invited him in for a coffee. or, at the line level, what's the most unexpected thing to be in that kitchen, based on the collective knowledge of what an elderly woman's kitchen looks like? your character opens the cutlery drawer and finds a glock. or a dildo. or a human molar. what's important is acknowledging that the elderly woman's kitchen is the setup of a potential punchline. the task is pivoting the punchline against the expectations of her kitchen.

even if you don't do this comedically, the practice of finding these pockets of potential will improve your writing, because what's in that woman's cutlery drawer can help us understand who she is as a character. what does it say about her if her junk drawer is a mess versus if it's meticulously organized? if she has thirteen owl-themed clocks? a wall of harley-davidson paraphernalia? what will your evil assassin character do if her dentures are in a cup and the cat is about to paw the cup off the table?

for those who also want to become better editors, one of the greatest skills you can learn is to read something and see what's not there, instead of just what is.

overall, i really admire Almond for writing earnestly on this topic, when sincerity can often threaten comedy. he acknowledges that insecurity is at the heart of every joke (the drive and the need to make someone laugh) and so the greatest fear of a funny person is to ruin the joke.

craft essay a day tag | cross-posted on AO3 | ask me something

[sansa286]

You being anti Zionist is the bare minimum and idk if anyone has ever told you that before also you’re a hypocrite saying people shouldn’t watch’s jk Rowling new show but your publicly tweeting about a show apart of bds !!! But ok girl

When did I ever say or act as if I was doing anyone some sort of grand favor? When did I ever say my politics start and end with me merely stating I have a stance? Who said I am not participating in BDS? I'm currently boycotting several brands, including Disney.

Rick Riordan and J.K. Rowling are nowhere near the same level of awfulness. J.K. Rowling is an active and intentional bigot, and her works and essays are used to justify anti-trans legislation even in countries outside of her own, which she has absolutely no problem with. She dines with transphobes who run entire organizations to delegitimize trans people. She donates to said organization, and effectively uses her twitter account as bullhorn to release her trifling views to a wide audience, primarily composed of hardcore fans who won't hesitate to lick her boots because they haven't read a single book since The Deathly Hollows. Rick is by no means a perfect ally (I have many criticisms, especially for his earlier work, i.e. Medusa's depiction in The Lightning Thief), however instead of blowing his fans criticisms off, he actually put his money where his mouth was and simply wrote stories that included more types of people than just cis, white, and heterosexual. On the topic of Palestine - him working with Disney is far from ideal, but they've been his publisher since 2005 so unfortunately that bed has been made. He actually has spoken up about Palestine, called what Israel is doing a genocide, and promoted charities to Gaza. Again, not a perfect ally by any means, as he supports a two-state solution, which just simply isn't realistic and would still deny Palestinians their right to self-determination, and makes him comes off as still quite ignorant about the plight of Palestinians, but that hardly makes him Ben-Gvir.

And then, if you want to look at it from an artistic point of view, it's quite obvious what Rowling is trying to accomplish. The original trio - Daniel Radcliffe, Emma Watson, and Rupert Grint, have all called her out to various degrees on her blatant transphobia, and she has essentially shunned them. This reboot will serve as her way of erasing them from the franchise, and I am willing to bet money that her "second draft" of Harry Potter will highlight the already high mountain of issues that was present in the initial run just to serve as another middle-finger to her fans who felt legitimately hurt at her transphobia, fatphobia, antisemitism, racism, internalized misogyny etc... At least Rick has a legit reason for wanting a second run with Percy Jackson and the Olympians: the movies sucked ass and betrayed the source material to an obscene degree. On top of that - the show has already corrected some of the glaring issues with the books - such as Medusa and yes, a lack of diversity.

By all means if curiosity gets the best of you, then pirate the show. But promoting an author who only stands for hate just isn't my jig, sorry not sorry.