#I heard mod support was coming but as of now no mods for me

[wolf-eyes-wolf-soul]

Because I have no self control, I started a new BG3 playthrough. I made Korra from Avatar…but I made her a tiefling for some flavour.

Now if only there was an Avatar State I could use to wreck some havoc

[cookiescribble]

Show Me How To Be Whole Again

A/N: hi everyone! This is the fic I've been working on for eight months 😮‍💨. I hope it came out as well as I hoped it would 😅 - mod angel

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Reader

Summary: When Spencer is abducted, you rush to the team to make sure you're there when they find him. After you get home, Spencer's behavior starts to get more and more concerning, and you're desperate for answers. (based on 2x15 and the aftermath of that episode)

Word Count: 7.1k

CW: Mentions of abduction, violence, drug addiction, withdrawal, arguing. some angst in the middle but i am incapable of writing something without a happy ending.

~~~~~

The call came early in the morning. They said they called you as soon as they could. 

If you were thinking rationally, or if you could stand being alone for 5 minutes after hearing the news, maybe you would’ve stayed home. But you couldn’t stay put knowing Spencer was in trouble. 

You quickly threw a few days’ worth of clothes in a carry-on bag and took the first flight out of the nearest airport. You were trying so hard to keep yourself together and not break down crying on a crowded airplane, but the thoughts just kept rushing in your head. You were so worried about him. 

When you landed, you called the team and told them you were going to the police station and you were going to stay there until they found him. You wouldn’t let anyone argue with you. You wouldn’t be able to calm down until they found him anyway, so being anywhere else didn’t make sense. 

You didn’t really think of what you’d do when you got there. You’d just been on autopilot since you got the call. You were hoping someone would meet you there. 

When you frantically burst through the doors of the police station, JJ was standing there waiting for you. You dropped your bag and hugged her tight. 

“It was my fault,” she choked out, sobbing. “We were together and… we split up… I shouldn’t have split up…”

You shook your head vigorously. “No, no, you’re not the one who abducted him. It’s not your fault.” You were also sobbing now. You tried taking deep breaths to calm yourself, but all you could think about was what could possibly be happening to Spencer right now. 

You calmed down enough to ask, “Where is everybody else?”

She closed her eyes, taking a deep breath herself. “We set up at the unsub’s house. He took Spence to a secondary location, and Garcia set up there to get to his computers.” She looked down. “I really should be getting back there.”

You nodded while she talked. “I’m coming with you,” you announced. 

She looked at you, concerned. “We can’t risk you-“

You cut her off. “I am coming with you. I’m staying with you until we find him,” you stated forcefully. 

She didn’t argue further. She could see the desperation in your eyes, you’re sure. Even someone who didn’t analyze behavior for a living could see that. “Alright. Let’s go.”

…

You arrived at the house. You couldn’t tell how long the car ride took; every second felt like an hour. 

When everybody saw you, they took turns giving you a hug. You could tell they were concerned that you were here, but they could see how devastated you were. You think they understood. 

You hung around while they all did their jobs and tried to find Spencer. You sat next to Penelope and watched as she tried to do whatever she could to help find him. 

Time passed. The team was coming in and out of the room as they needed to. Derek was probably in here the most, giving his moral support to Penelope. 

Suddenly, the monitors in front of you lit up. 

“What‘s happening?” Derek asked. 

“I… don’t know,” Penelope answered. 

Your heart dropped as an image popped up on the screen. 

It was Spencer. He was sitting in a chair, his hands tied together. He was wearing the clothes you watched him pack on the morning you last saw him. 

He looked so scared. 

“Guys! Get in here!” you heard Derek yell. 

You couldn’t look away from the screen. 

The rest of the team rushed in, faces dropping as they saw what was happening. 

Someone was talking in the background of the stream. You couldn’t hear them. Your heart was thumping so hard you could hear it in your ears. Spencer was replying to whatever they were saying. Through your loud heartbeat, you could hear his trembling voice. Your eyes started to water. 

After a few moments, you heard someone near you say something and suddenly you were being pulled away from the screen and into another room. 

When you realized what was happening, you looked up to see Hotch holding your shoulders, pushing you away from the horrific scene unfolding on the monitors. 

You started sobbing. “I have to see him,” you tried to say, but your voice was cracking. 

“No. You saw that he’s alive. That’s all you need to see.” he said firmly. He was protecting you from seeing something that would truly break you. 

You couldn’t argue. What you saw shook you to your very core; you couldn’t go back in there. You squeezed your eyes shut and nodded. “You’re going to find him and bring him back safe.” It wasn’t a question. You knew they’d find him. They had to. 

You took a step back, telling Hotch he could go back to the team in the other room, and that you were okay out here.

You sat at a table, laying your head down and covering it with your arms. You had started crying, and you couldn’t stop. How could they do this to him? He’s never done anything to hurt anybody. All he does is help people. How could someone look at him and feel anything other than warmth, comfort, and love?

You heard footsteps come into the room. The girls came in and sat around you. You picked your head up to look at them, your eyes already swollen from crying so much. 

“What happened?” you asked frantically. Your heart was racing again. 

“He’s okay,” Emily said quickly. “He’s alive. The unsub… made him choose a victim to keep alive, but there’s going to be more victims… and then the camera cut off.” She took a deep breath. “It looked like making that decision let him live.”

You buried your face in your hands. This was so cruel. you knew he dealt with bad people every day, but… this was so heartbreaking. How could someone feel so little remorse for other human beings that they force an innocent person to decide someone’s fate?

You took deep breaths to try not to cry again. “I can tell he’s in so much pain right now… He’s going to blame himself for all those people’s deaths. The guilt is going to eat him up inside. He’ll feel horrible even if he does make it out of this.”

Everyone took turns patting your back to reassure you. “He is going to make it out of this. He’ll be home soon.”

You nodded, forcing yourself to believe it. You had to believe it. If you didn’t believe it… you would break down more than you ever have before. 

…

You stayed in that room for what felt like an eternity. The team took turns keeping you company when they weren’t busy. They gave you vague updates to let you know that Spencer was still alive. They didn’t tell you details of what they saw. You didn’t ask. Seeing the somber looks on their faces told you all you needed to know.

Eventually, everyone came rushing out of the room, putting on their coats and practically running out the door. Penelope came to sit with you, her eyes wide and full of hope. “They found where he is. They’re going to him now.” She hugged you tightly. “He’s going to be okay.”

Tears leaked out of your eyes again. This time they were happy tears. The immense rush of relief you felt was enough to render you speechless for a while, until you finally choked out, “They’re going to call us when he’s safe?” She nodded eagerly and you let out a huge sigh of relief. 

The wait felt like forever. You were still nervous. What if they don’t get to him in time? What if they’re just barely too late?

Finally, finally Penelope’s phone rang. She answered quickly, nodding at what she was hearing. Eventually she hung up and looked at you, smiling. “He’s with them now. The unsub is dead. They’re rushing an ambulance but his injuries seem minor considering… what’s been happening.”

You closed your eyes and took another big sigh of relief. “I’m going to meet the ambulance there,” you declared.

Penelope looked at you quizzically. “I don’t know if-“

“You said the unsub is dead,” you cut her off. “There’s no more danger. I’m going to him.” You saw keys to one of the FBI vehicles that was left over since they had multiple people to a van. You picked them up and tossed them to Penelope. “You know their coordinates. You drive.”

She caught the keys and nodded at you, unable to argue with your logic. You both rushed out to the van and sped over to the location. 

You saw the ambulance as you arrived there. You barely waited for Penelope to put the car in park before you were running out the door to where the ambulance had parked. 

You saw Spencer sitting at the edge of the back of the ambulance with a first aid blanket wrapped around his shoulders. He was beaten up, but he was still conscious and alert. You were relieved his injuries weren’t worse. 

“Spencer!” you shouted as you ran towards him. He looked your way, his eyes widening as he saw you. 

You threw your arms around his shoulders when you reached him. His shock quickly turned to something softer as he relaxed into your arms, wrapping his arms around your waist. 

You nestled your face into his neck for a few moments, unable to stop your sobs of joy. “Oh, sweetie…” you cooed into his ear. 

He moved so his forehead was touching yours. Tears were streaking down his face. “I’m sorry…” he started. 

You shook your head vigorously. “No apologies. You’re okay now.” You kissed him on the forehead gently and threaded your fingers in his hair “Everything’s going to be okay.”

He nodded and tightened his grip on you, kissing you firmly. He kissed you for a long time before finally pulling away, resting his forehead on yours. “I love you,” he whispered.

You smiled warmly, whispering back to him. “I love you, too.”

You stayed like that for a few moments before everyone started pushing Spencer to get in the ambulance so he could go to the hospital. You rode with him, of course. You held his hand the whole way there. 

He wasn’t in the hospital for too long. They were able to treat his wounds relatively easily. The team waited in the waiting room while you followed him into the examination room. 

When you came back to the waiting room, hand in hand, everyone rushed to greet you before you all headed to the jet. 

You sat in the corner of the couch to the side of the other seats, motioning for Spencer to lay his head in your lap. He followed eagerly, curling up on his side and nestling his head in your lap. 

You ran your fingers through his curls as he began to fall asleep. He must’ve been exhausted. You couldn’t imagine him sleeping during any of that. 

You stayed like that the whole ride home, him asleep and you petting his hair softly. 

You gently woke him up when you landed. “C’mon, baby. We’re going home.”

He sat up and rubbed his eyes. You kissed his cheek before standing up, taking his hand as you went to the parking lot. He obviously wasn’t in any condition to drive, so he handed you the keys to his car and let you drive home. You insisted on stopping and getting some food on the way back. He said he didn’t feel hungry, but once he started eating, it seemed like he’d never stop. He must’ve been starving.

When you walked into your apartment, he grabbed you and hugged you tightly to his chest. You wrapped your arms around his shoulders, relaxing into him. 

“I missed you so much.” He was crying again, sniffling softly. “I thought about you every waking moment. I knew I had to make it through because you were waiting for me.” He leaned down to kiss your forehead, closing his eyes and savoring the moment. 

“I missed you too,” you said quietly, looking into his eyes with a soft expression. “I knew you were going to make it back.” You hugged him tight again. “I didn’t see everything. The team… made sure I didn’t see anything that was going to hurt me.”

He nodded, leaning down to stroke your cheek gently with his thumb. “I’m glad you didn’t have to see me like that.” He touched his forehead to yours. “What matters now is that I’m here with you.” He kissed you slowly, pushing your hair out of your face. 

You kissed for a long time, slowly making your way to your bedroom. You smiled up at him after a while. “As much as I would love to continue this…” You gestured to the bed. “You need to sleep.”

As if to prove your point, he let out a quiet yawn. You smiled as he sat down at the edge of the bed. You grabbed his pajamas from the drawer and helped him get changed and settled into bed. 

He lay his head on your chest and you stroked his hair gently, just like you did the whole way home. “Go to sleep, baby,” you whispered as his eyes closed. After a moment you heard his breathing slow as he fell asleep. 

“Goodnight,” you whispered, kissing the top of his head before relaxing to fall asleep yourself.   

…

After that night, things got… bad. 

Spencer wasn’t acting like himself anymore. He was… distant. Cold. He had never acted this way towards you before. Or anyone, for that matter. 

You had never had a problem with intimacy before, but suddenly he refused to touch you. Any time you would reach for his hand, or try to put your arm around him, he’d just shrug you off of him and move away from you. It always ended in you mumbling an apology and putting some space between you. 

He never explained why he didn’t want you to touch him. In fact, he didn’t talk a whole lot anymore. You often sat in silence, completely apart from each other. You always used to be able to count on him to fill these silences, but now he just stayed quiet. 

When he did talk, he was a lot more cold to you than he used to be. You had never fought before, but now it felt like any time he talked it was to argue with you about something. It felt like he was always angry lately. 

He didn’t even like to sleep in the same bed as you anymore. Most nights, if not every night, he slept on the couch. You started begging him, telling him that you would never cross over your side of the bed, but he shrugged you off saying he just needed to be alone.

All of this was really taking a toll on you. You tried not to show it, because you knew he was going through a hard time, so you only let your feelings out in places you could be alone. Which meant you spent a lot of time crying in the bathroom.

This went on for months. You thought that, surely, he had to tell you what was going on eventually. He had never hidden anything from you before, so you didn’t really know what to do, or how to handle this. You didn’t want to push him into talking about things he didn’t want to talk about, but something was very clearly wrong. 

After a particularly bad argument one night, you couldn’t take it anymore. You had to go to someone about this. For Spencer’s sake.

The next morning, you set an extra early alarm, quietly getting dressed and tiptoeing past Spencer, who was asleep on the couch, and silently leaving your apartment. 

As you got in your car and started driving, you started arguing with yourself in your head. Part of your brain was trying to say that this wasn’t going to help, and that this was just like being a little kid and tattling to a teacher. But the emotional part of your brain was saying that just telling anyone would be able to help Spencer. And that little shred of hope was all it took to convince you to do this.

You shoved open the doors to the BAU, hoping that Spencer’s stories about his boss barely leaving his office were true. When you looked around, you saw an office with a light on, making you breathe a sigh of relief.

You bound up the stairs, knocking on the office door, a little more forcefully than you had intended. Hopefully it would help get your emotions across.

“Come in,” a familiar voice ordered. 

You took a deep breath before opening the door, seeing Hotch sitting at his desk with a bunch of paperwork in front of him. You wondered just how much paperwork this job required, and if he was always here hours before everyone else.

He looked surprised to see you. He would probably be surprised to see anyone at this early hour, but considering you don’t even work for him, he probably wouldn’t have even considered the possibility of you coming here. “Is there something I can help you with?” He asked. 

You opened your mouth to say something, but nothing came out. You didn’t really think this far; you just figured that surely someone who works so closely with Spencer had to know something, especially since he was a profiler. 

You thought about everything that had happened in the last few months, trying to find the right words to properly articulate your concerns. But all the thoughts about Spencer pushing you away and refusing your affection, mixed with remembering what your relationship was like before that fateful night of his abduction, overwhelmed your mind so much that you just couldn’t stop your emotions flowing out. Tears welled in your eyes before starting to streak down your face. Here you were, in Hotch’s office, completely unannounced and uninvited, and you were just standing there crying.

After a few moments of crying, and of Hotch looking very concerned at this scene playing out before him, you decided it didn’t matter that you couldn’t form the perfect words. You just needed to say something. 

Through choked sobs, you finally managed to blurt out, “What’s wrong with Spencer?”

Hotch looked at you, his expression as unreadable as always. “What do you mean?”

You took a deep breath, too emotional to think about how you shouldn’t be saying all of this to your boyfriend’s boss. The words just started coming out in a rush. “Something’s wrong. We had never had a single argument before, and now the only time he ever talks to me is to pick a fight. He’s never present, he barely speaks, which I’m sure I don’t have to tell you is very strange behavior for Spencer. He never smiles anymore, he won’t let me touch him anymore, he won’t sleep in our bed anymore, he only sleeps on the couch…” 

You covered your eyes with your hands, trying to stop the tears from coming out. Finally, after some shaky breaths, you finished by saying, “I just wanted to know if there’s anything you could tell me about this. If you know why he’s acting this way. If there’s something he’s not telling me.”

Hotch hesitated before gesturing to a chair in front of his desk. “Do you want to take a seat?”

You looked at the chair, and you noticed you were shaking. You nodded, and sat down in the chair, trying to calm down. But you couldn’t help being extremely restless, your leg bouncing rapidly while you sat.

Hotch leaned forward, moving some paperwork out of the way and placing his hands on his desk. His expression was slightly softened. “Working in this field, you go through a lot of traumatic things. Reid’s abduction was one of the worst things an agent can go through.” His voice was low and steady, which was a welcome contrast to how frantic your own words had come out. “Anyone would struggle after that.”

You sighed. “I know, but-”

He raised his hand to cut you off. “That being said, we’ve all been able to tell that Reid has been a little off.” He saw you raise your eyebrow and added, “Okay, a lot off.” He paused for a moment before continuing. “We have some… theories, but we can’t know for sure what’s happening with him unless he tells us. And since he’s already struggling, we didn’t want to make it worse, especially since he’s technically just a subordinate or coworker. But if he’s not telling you either…” He looked at you sympathetically. “I’ll try to talk to him.”

You nodded, taking a deep breath. “... Thank you. Thank you so much. I’m so sorry I came here out of the blue.” You stood up, taking a step forward as if you were going to hug him, but for once your rational thoughts took over and you stayed where you were.

He stood up after you. “You’re welcome. It couldn’t have been easy to come here and talk about this.” He reached out to shake your hand, and when you shook his hand back he put his other hand over yours and spoke softly to you. “I’m going to try to get through to him. I promise.”

His gentle hands and soft-spoken words were enough to reassure you, at least for now. You nodded, thanking him again before leaving his office. You were able to leave with a lot more composure than you came here with.

It was getting late by the time you left Hotch’s office, and there were a lot more people here now. As you came down the stairs, you looked up to see Spencer staring at you. He wasn’t angry, thankfully, but he looked… kind of dumbfounded. Which made sense. You had no reason to be here at all, let alone a reason to be talking to his boss.

As you walked towards him to get to the door to leave, he turned to you. “Hey…” he started, his voice soft.

You didn’t know what to say, his soft voice sounding nothing like what you’ve been hearing these past few months. So you just kind of waved to him awkwardly, pointing to your watch to indicate that you had to get to work, and you left the BAU. 

When you got back in your car, you took a few minutes to process everything that had happened. You closed your eyes and took a few deep breaths, trying to convince yourself that everything was okay. You believed Hotch when he said he’d help. It felt like Spencer was in capable hands.

…

Later that day, you had been in the bathroom when Spencer came home, and you didn’t hear the door open and close. When you came out, you saw him standing awkwardly in the front of your apartment. It made you jump a little bit. “Hi… I didn’t know you were home,” you muttered awkwardly.

He stood there looking at you, his eyes moving a little as if he was thinking of what to say. After a few moments, instead of saying anything, he walked over to you and hugged you, wrapping his arms tightly around your waist.

You just froze for a moment, not sure how to react. But he kept his tight hold on you, as if you were the only thing keeping him up right now, and you finally started to hug him back just as tightly. You both just stood like that for a few minutes, holding each other.

Finally, he spoke up. His voice was soft, barely a whisper, and he sounded so fragile. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” He was starting to cry now, making soft sobbing sounds into your shoulder.

Hearing him cry broke something in you, and shortly you were also in tears. “Oh, Spence…” You squeezed him a little tighter, rubbing soothing circles on his back. “It’s okay…”

He sniffled and shook his head, pulling back a little so he could look you in the eyes. “My behavior has been abhorrent lately. I’ve been struggling, and I’ve been bottling everything up. I didn’t realize just how much this was hurting you.” He took a deep breath, trying to keep up with his thoughts. “I guess I figured, if I didn’t tell you about my problems, then they couldn’t affect you. But I was wrong. It just made it worse.”

You looked at him sadly, one of your hands moving to gently stroke his hair. “You can always come to me with anything. I’ll always try to help you. You know that.”

Some more tears started falling down his cheeks, and you started to wipe them away with your thumb. “I guess I felt like… I didn’t deserve the help.” He took a few shaky breaths as he tried to calm down. “Like I didn’t deserve you being so nice to me.”

“Spencer…” you started, trying to make your voice sound as soothing as possible. “What’s wrong? What’s so bad that you can’t tell me?”

He closed his eyes and shook his head slowly. “I… I don’t know if I can talk about it yet. But I promise I’ll tell you soon.” He looked at you determinedly. “Until then, I promise I’m going to try to be better to you.” As if to prove his point, he grabbed your face and captured your lips in a soft kiss, making your heart flutter.

After years of dating, you didn’t think you’d feel that flustered, shy feeling of butterflies in your stomach again. But, after these past few months of having no physical contact, this kiss almost felt like it was your first kiss all over again.

You couldn’t help but hold the back of his head to try to bring his face even closer to yours. You were craving his touch, and you needed his affection. On the off chance that this was a one-time thing, and that he would start to distance himself again after this, you figured you had to make it last.

He showed no signs of letting up, though, moving you both so you were laying on the couch, with him hovering over you. His lips never left yours the whole time, and his hands were moving around your face as if he was trying to remember what it felt like. 

He broke the kiss to look at you, before closing his eyes. His hands trailed from your face down to your neck, moving slightly under your shirt to your shoulders. He wasn’t just touching you, he was feeling you. As if feeling your skin would jog his memory of you. His breathing was soft and even as his hands moved down to your hips, his fingers gentle and slow on your waist as he started to lift your shirt up. 

Your breath hitched when you felt cold air suddenly hit your stomach. “Spence…” you spoke quietly, a soft blush on your face. 

He looked at you, his voice quick and reassuring. “I don’t want to do anything like… that. It would be a little too much for me right now.” He quickly flashed you that awkward little smile he had sometimes. “I just want to see you, to feel you.” His voice went a little quieter when he added, “I missed you.”

You looked at him sadly, reaching up to touch his face. “I missed you, too.” You leaned in to kiss him again. “I missed you so much.”

The soft, slow kissing resumed, and Spencer very carefully pulled your shirt over your head, his hands gently gliding over the newly exposed skin. You let out a dreamy sigh. You hadn’t realized just how touch starved you had been over these past few months. This is exactly what you had been needing. 

You just stayed on the couch like that for a while, his lips and hands on you, the gentlest of touches. After a little while longer, you started to unbutton his shirt, because you wanted to do the same to him.

He completely froze, sucking in a breath. You immediately pulled your hands away. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to…” You trailed off, worried that you just ruined any progress that had been made tonight. 

He shook his head, sitting up and pulling you up with him. “It’s okay, I just… I don’t want you to see me with my shirt off.” He looked at you with pleading eyes, as if he was begging you not to ask about it. 

You hesitated, but instead of asking about it you tried to be a little more lighthearted. “I’ve seen you without a shirt plenty of times, Spencer.” 

He gave you a slight smile before the worried look came back to his face. “I just…” he started, “I can’t right now. Please understand.”

You nodded, taking his hand and giving it a slight squeeze. “I understand.” You stroked his hand gently with your thumb. “I’m not going to do anything that makes you uncomfortable. You can trust me.”

He squeezed your hand back, giving you another little smile. “I know you won’t. I do trust you.” He let out a little yawn and started to rub his eyes. 

You looked at the clock, not realizing how late it had gotten. “Come on, let’s go to bed.” You leaned over to kiss his forehead. “You should get some sleep.”

You worried he would still insist on sleeping on the couch, but he just nodded, his hand still tightly holding yours as you both stood up and walked to your bedroom. He grabbed his pajamas and headed to the bathroom to change.

You sat on the bed and watched him for a few moments before he closed the door. You started to get dressed yourself, wondering what this problem was about. He had been a little shy around you when you two first started getting intimate, but you thought he had gotten over that. Had these past few months apart made the shyness come back?

Your thoughts were interrupted by Spencer coming back into the room. You stood up so he could get in bed. He looked so tired; you could see just how bad the dark circles under his eyes were.

He crawled under the covers, curling up and closing his eyes. You got in the other side of the bed, gently rubbing his back to soothe him. You didn’t want to push any boundaries, so you pulled away after just a moment.

He turned around, looking at you with those big eyes of his, and grabbed your hand, lacing your fingers together. He closed his eyes again, taking a deep breath, as if soothed by your touch. You smiled softly. He looked more peaceful than you had seen him in a long time. It made it easier to close your eyes and relax.

It was silent for a while, and you thought he had fallen asleep. But then, you heard him speak very softly. “I love you.”

You opened your eyes to see him looking back at you. You squeezed his hand gently. “I love you too.” You leaned in and kissed his forehead, making him smile. “Get some sleep. I can tell you need it,” you whispered.

He nodded and closed his eyes again, moving a little closer to you before wrapping his arms around you and nestling his head in your neck. You hesitated for a moment in shock before cradling him in your arms. You kissed the top of his head. “Goodnight, baby,” you whispered to him. Soon, you could hear his breathing soften, and you just listened to the quiet sounds of him sleeping for a few more moments before falling asleep yourself.

…

Things didn’t magically get better after that, but they did improve. 

Spencer went back to sleeping in your bed, though he seemed to have a hard time sleeping nowadays. He was always tossing and turning, and you usually woke up in the middle of the night to either try to soothe him to sleep or to keep him company when he couldn’t sleep. 

There was a lot more talking, and a lot less fighting. You could have more comfortable conversations, and he would politely tell you when he didn’t feel like talking. It was a lot better than him yelling at you to leave him alone. 

There was still some arguing, but usually only when you were trying to get him to eat. He was always saying he wasn’t hungry, and you had to try to push to get him to eat, saying he needed some kind of nutrition. Sometimes he would snap at you, saying he would eat if he was hungry and that he didn’t push you when you didn’t want to eat. He’d always apologize, though, and try his best to explain that he was either feeling nauseous or he just didn’t have much of an appetite anymore. It seemed to get a little better after a few days.

He didn’t mind a little more physical contact. He wasn’t always up for it, but he didn’t seem to mind it as much. It was always trial and error, almost like trying to pet a skittish cat. You’d start by putting a gentle hand on his, and he’d tense up for a second, and he’d either pull away and explain he didn’t want to be touched, or he’d take your hand and hold it gently. A big improvement. It was just little touches: holding hands, an arm around his shoulder, a hug… it never went past that.

He didn’t talk about what it was that was bothering him at first, but you trusted that he would tell you when he was ready. After about a week, he was finally ready to talk about it.

…

You both were sitting on the couch, in one of your quiet moments. You were reading a book, like you usually did when Spencer felt like being quiet. The silences were starting to get more comfortable, making it easier to just do quiet activities next to each other.

After a few minutes, Spencer cleared his throat, making you look over at him. You bookmarked the page you were on and turned to him. “What is it?”

He hesitated, as if he wasn’t sure how to start this conversation. He closed his eyes for a moment to put his thoughts together, before opening them again to look at you. He spoke very softly.

“When I was…” he started, swallowing and taking a deep breath to compose himself before continuing, “... When I was abducted for those few days back in February, a lot happened. The man who took me had dissociative identity disorder, and dealing with all his personalities was difficult. But there was one of his personalities that was… nicer than the others. More helpful than harmful.” He closed his eyes again, and you knew this was really hard for him to talk about. You placed a gentle hand over his, and he let out a breath, grabbing your hand and giving it a squeeze. He continued on, his voice still soft and sad.

“Unfortunately, one of the ways that he helped me was to… give me something to help numb the pain the others were causing.” He closed his eyes again, and he slowly rolled up his sleeves for you to see his arms.

You stared in shock. His arms were covered in needle marks. You covered your mouth. “Oh, Spencer…” You looked back up at his face, but his eyes were squeezed shut, as if he didn’t want to face this. You squeezed his hand to let him know you were here to support him.

“He would come to me saying Dilaudid helped with the pain, and after a few times, it started to feel… good.” He took another deep breath, his eyes still closed. “After he died, I took the bottles he still had. And when things started getting hard to handle… all the flashbacks and memories of what happened to me, I just needed to numb myself. And it worked, for a while. But eventually, I just… couldn’t stop.”

“Spencer…” you started, your voice gentle. “You could’ve come to me, I could’ve tried to help you-”

“I didn’t want that,” he cut you off. “I tried to convince myself that what I was doing wasn’t wrong. That it was just medicine that was helping me. But, obviously, I knew that wasn’t the truth. And I knew that if I told anyone about it, they would say I needed help. But I didn’t want help. I just wanted to live in this unrealistic world where everything I was doing was fine.” He finally opened his eyes to look at you. “That’s why I was lashing out. I didn’t want anyone to help me, and I also felt like I didn’t deserve anyone being nice to me.”

He looked at you very seriously. “I thought, if I didn’t tell you any of this, it couldn’t hurt you. I know how sensitive you are to other people’s emotions and problems, so I figured if I didn’t tell you, you couldn’t worry about me. Obviously, I was wrong, and that was a naive way of thinking.” He reached out and gently touched your face. “When I saw you at the BAU, I knew it was because you were worried about me, and I saw that you looked like you had been crying. And it just snapped me out of this false reality I had created for myself. And that’s when I came home and apologized, because I knew I couldn’t do it anymore. I couldn’t keep hurting you.”

You listened to him silently while he talked, letting him get out everything he needed to say before responding. “Why didn’t you tell me that day? Or the few days after that? Why did you wait until now?”

He nodded as if he was waiting for this question. “I read that withdrawal symptoms peak within 12-48 hours, and that it usually takes 5-7 days for the symptoms to resolve. So I wanted to wait out those 7 days just to make sure.”

You gave him a sad look. “But if I knew you were having withdrawal symptoms, I could have helped you. I really wish you would have told me.”

He sighed. “I wanted to do it on my own. To prove to myself that I could do it. That I wasn’t just going to quit halfway through and relapse.”

You nodded sympathetically. “Well, I’m really glad you told me now. We can get through this together.” You gave his hand a little pat. “You know this isn’t the end of it, right? It’s not just over when withdrawal symptoms stop. You still need to work out these issues that made you start this in the first place.”

He nodded. “I know. I want to try to get help now. I… I think I’m ready. I want to look into going to therapy, and maybe some support groups if I need them.” He squeezed your hand again. “I know I can make it through this, because I know you’ll be by my side.”

You smiled softly at him. “I’ll always be by your side.” Your hand trailed up his arms, looking back at the needle marks. “Do they… hurt?” you asked softly.

He shrugged. “Only when they first appear. They don’t hurt right now.”

You nodded, and you gently touched the marks on his arm. You looked at him, and you slowly brought his arm up so you could give every little mark a gentle kiss, to let him know that everything was going to get better soon.

He looked at you with big, loving eyes, and he started tearing up a bit. He pulled you in for a tight hug, sniffling as he buried his face in your neck. “I love you so much,” he said with a shaky voice.

You held him tight, rubbing his back to comfort him. “I love you too, Spence. Everything is going to be okay.” Your voice was calm and soothing. “I’m here now.”

…

Things started to get much better after that. Spencer was way more comfortable telling you when things were feeling more difficult than usual. Typically, it would be when he came home from a particularly emotional case. You were always there to hold him and to soothe him. There was no more aversion to your touch or need for extended silences. He felt comfortable in your arms, and he knew he could talk to you when something was bothering him.

He started seeing a therapist, and you always went there with him. Usually, you just sat outside the office for his sessions so he could have the one-on-one help he needed. Sometimes, if he was having a particularly rough week, he would bring you in with him for extra support. And you were always there when he needed you.

It took a bit of time, but you learned how to help with whatever he needed you for. If he needed a distraction, you could always come up with some activity to get his mind off of things. You played a lot of board games, and started learning to bake so you could just pull out a new recipe to try and he could focus on getting everything just right. When he just needed someone to listen to him, or a shoulder to cry on, you didn’t mind being that person for him. And sometimes he just wanted to be held, saying that the physical touch grounded him. You were always happy to hold him. 

Over time, things got easier and easier to deal with. Eventually, things seemed to be fully back to normal. You both knew that this was always going to be a struggle that could come back, but you knew how to handle it now, and you were certain that you could get through any struggle that ever tried to get in your way.

[thelovelyruin]

𝖘𝖎𝖗𝖊𝖓.

𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝖑𝖔𝖛𝖊𝖗𝖘 : choso x fem reader

𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝖘𝖚𝖓 : you weren’t a car girl, but that changed when you met the driver.

𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝖒𝖔𝖔𝖓 : smut, porn with plot, vaginal sex, praise, teasing, fingering, edging?

𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝖈𝖍𝖆𝖗𝖎𝖔𝖙 : 3.2K

𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝖘𝖙𝖆𝖗 : inspired by lyrics from siren by alicia drayton.

𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝖊𝖒𝖕𝖗𝖊𝖘𝖘 : hello lovelies, thank you so much for reading! one of my favorite songs; hope you enjoy it; if so, follow me for more. au revoir!

18+ MDNI ADULT CONTENT

Full moon sitting in the darkest night.

“So, sounds fun, right?”

“Huh? Yeah, sure.”

You kinda just agreed to whatever Mai said, busy doing your makeup and humming to the music playing from your speaker. But it wasn’t until a few hours later that you realized what you’d agreed to. You both were sitting outside now, waiting for Yuuji to pick you up, but he was ten minutes late. When he did pull up, he parked fast, seeing Mai’s already irritated expression. Hesitantly, he walked over to where you both stood. 

“Heyyyyy…”

Mai pushed past him, brushing off his attempt at a hug.

“Save it, bitch.”

Yuuji ran before her, opening the door, which she thanked him for in the form of a sneer. He looked at you next, hoping for a more positive reaction as he guided you to the backseat.

“Are you mad at me too?”

“If I were, it would be in good reason. You’re late.”

He closed the door behind you and scrambled to the driver’s seat, promptly turning on the car and attempting to show he was in a rush.

“Look, I’m sorry, I ended up-”

“Just drive, Yuuji!”

Mai wasn’t giving him a break; not like he deserved one. He huffed and put the car in drive, taking off. You guys were going to a car meet; Yuuji was excited to show off the car he’d just finished modding, a WRX or something like that. To be honest, you didn’t know too much about cars, except what Yuuji would tell you, but that would involve you paying attention. Nonetheless, you wanted to be a supportive friend, so here you were.

Feel a breeze, smoking trees, cloudy in the ride.

Yuuji pulled up to a lot full of cars, parking in an empty spot towards the middle of the row. You noticed some cars in an intersection next to the lot, driving in circles as people hung out the windows. You weren’t gonna lie; it looked a little fun, dangerous, but fun. Yuuji got out, opening each of your doors.

“So, I’ll probably stay here if anyone asks questions about my ride, but feel free to check things out!”

“You brought us here so we could frolic around? Yuuji, you’ve gotta be shittin’ me right now.”

“Now, don’t say it like that. It makes me sound like an asshole.”

The both of you looked at him with a deadpan expression, but then he gave those puppy dog eyes, causing Mai to rub down her face.

“Fine, but you owe us big time. Let’s go see what they're doing in the circle over there.”

With that, you and Mai walked off. Yuuji told you to stay safe, but Mai’s reply was a middle finger. The air was smoky and smelled like burnt rubber, but you guys still pushed through the crowd to see the action. Cars were drifting in a circle now, another car coming in the rotation, probably the most dangerous thing you’ve ever seen.

Two of the cars drifting had pulled off to the side, and from what you could tell, the drivers were arguing. A couple of guys tried to break it up, but one flipped the other guy off as they both hopped in the driver's seat.

Narrow roads, so many caution signs.

“Shit, they’re about to race!”

You hadn’t even heard Yuuji walk up behind you guys, Mai looking back at him with a smirk.

“So, why aren’t you with your “ride”? No takers?”

Yuuji huffed, making her laugh triumphantly. The circle began to shift, noticing a gap opening as the two cars revved, one all white and the other blue with a black stripe across the side. You found the white one more tasteful, pointing at it and looking back at Yuuji.

“Oh, that one? An Audi S5. Other one’s a Scat.”

You nodded like you knew what he meant and looked back as some shirtless guy got between the cars, throwing it down. Instantly, both cars take off, the white one gapping the blue one by a long shot.

“I don’t know why he even bothered. The launch on the S5 is insane.”

As the cars finished, people began cheering; even Mai was clapping and nodding. They drove back to the lot where the cars were lined up. The Scat driver handed the S5 driver a wad of cash, returned to his car, and drove off.

“Damn, sore loser. Anyway, I wanna meet the guy who drove the S5. Y’all sit tight, okay?”

Before Mai could even curse him out, Yuuji had run off. You two scoffed and sat on the hood of his car.

“So, you upgraded the intercooler? I did the same to mine, it’s a W-”

“Welcome back, fucker. You brought a friend?”

Yuuji had returned to the car with a guy, and damn he was hot. You were too busy staring at his abs pressed against that black tee he was wearing or the outline of something that surely wasn’t his wallet in his sweats to stop Mai from chewing Yuuji out.

“This is Choso; he’s driving the S5.”

Shotgun sippin’; rollin' with the tide.

Choso looked at you and licked his lips, sending something down to your-

“Nice to meet you, really nice to meet you.”

You were blushing like crazy. Was he flirting with you? You were too enthralled to notice Yuuji and Mai going back and forth in the background.

“Nice to meet you, too.”

“So, you guys stayin' around for shots? I’d hate to see you go so early.”

Oh, he was definitely flirting with you.

“Depends. Want me to stay?

“If that’s fine with you, princess.”

“What we drinkin’?”

“Your choice.”

“Hm, whatever your drinkin’.”

He looked up and down at you, smirking a bit.

“I’ve got something in mind.”

“Is that so?”

“UM HELLO!”

You both turned to look at Mai, who had a surprised look on her face as Yuuji stood there in shock. Choso cleared his throat and gave an awkward smile to Mai.

“That is if you want to stay too, Mai.”

“Well, depends. What do you wanna drink, other than my best friend?”

You choked on your spit as your body jolted at Mai’s question. Yuuji began to laugh uncontrollably, walking up to Choso and slapping him on the back.

“Don’t worry, I got tequila in the trunk.”

“Oh shit, what kind?”

“Terramana, of course.”

“My man. I gotta bottle, too; I’ll go grab it.”

With that, Choso and Yuuji split. Mai gave you that look.

“Didn’t know you liked car guys.”

“I do now.”

You both laughed as she wrapped her arm around you, bringing you in for a hug. Shortly, Choso and Yuuji were back.

“Let’s get lit, fuckers.”

Want you to love me like you do that S5.

You knew Yuuji and Choso had at least three shots, but right now, they both were going on about the mods they did on their cars. You had found yourselves back in the circle of people drifting.

“Looks fun, huh?”

“Yeah, a fun death trap.”

“Nonsense, people do it all the time.”

Choso looked over at Yuuji, both of them with the expression that they were up to something.

Oh my, Ima give you the ride of your life.

You found yourself in Choso’s passenger seat, staring at Mai in Yuuji’s across the circle. You can’t believe you got dragged into this; what the fuck were you-

Choso’s hand found its way to your thigh, rubbing the skin there as he looked at you with a smirk.

“Nervous? Don’t worry, princess. I got you.”

It took everything in you not to jump on him then and there. Those pet names were dangerous; every time he called you princess, it sent signals down below, practically screaming at you to relieve it. You hadn’t even realized his hand had moved to the gear shift, veins in his hand flexing as he revved the engine. Then, you were taking off.

You swear you just died. The whole time, you could hear the rubber screeching smoke lifting off the tires as Choso and Yuuji spun against each other. Halfway through, you saw Mai climb through the window; you did the same, and man, was it fun. Both of them parked and spilled out of the car, laughing and giving each other a high five, panting with adrenaline. You walked over to Mai, who looked like she was 10 seconds away from barfing.

“You good, girl?”

“I think I might’ve pissed myself.”

The boys walked back over, calmed down as the high wore off. Choso wrapped his arm around your waist, and boy, was that physically effective. Yuuji patted Mai’s back, giving him an annoyed look as she sat up straight. He smiled at her with open eyes, signaling something to her. She caught on fast because then she said:

“Yuuji’s gonna drive me home; Choso lives on the same side of town as you, so he’ll be takin’ you home. That okay?”

Oh, they were on some shit. But obviously, the two of you were, too.

“Yeah, that’s fine with me. Choso?”

“Sounds good, princess.”

I swear, I would die for you.

You waved bye to Mai as Yuuji helped her into the car, giving you a wink as Yuuji drove off. Choso guided you back to his car, opening the passenger door. Once you got in, you had a good look around, too nervous to check things out the first time you got in it. Damn, this was nice. He had red leather seats and ambient red lighting around the car. Shit, how much did this car cost? Choso got in the car and put his foot down on the pedal, starting the car as he adjusted the air conditioning.

“You cold?”

“Just a little.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll warm you up.”

Oh, you were warm, alright. It’s like every word he spoke had a sexual undertone because here you were, getting wet over a question about the AC. He reached over and turned on the heated seat for you, smirking as he pressed the button. He placed his hand back on your thigh, rubbing back and forth; all you could focus on was how close he was to touching your pussy. He looked at you with half-lidded eyes, causing you to squirm your legs. It hadn’t gone unnoticed him smiling as he bit his lip.

“Ready?”

Ready for what? At that point, you gave up the idea of celibacy for the night, like you had any intentions to not fuck him in the first place. Now, you knew this wasn’t a good idea. The both of you were tipsy, and it was probably reckless to have him drive. But then again, he had just drifted the car thirty minutes ago, so he’d be fine, right?

“Yeah, let’s go.”

You know I'd risk my life for you.

We fit so perfectly, in need of your affection.

The ride back to your house was pretty fast, considering Choso ran every red light and was going 20 over the speed limit. You had half a mind to hold the handlebars on the car's roof, but you weren't doing anything with Choso's hand rubbing you through your shorts. Your body began to react to it, closing your legs a bit, but it was all in vain when he brought your thigh towards him, opening your legs wider. 

“Don’t go runnin’ from me, princess. Promise, I don’t bite. Unless you want me to.”

You held everything in, taking the depths of your resolve to stop you from shamelessly asking him to fuck you in the car. He was definitely holding it in, too, a tent peeking out of those gray sweats, and fuck, you could tell, he had a big-

“We’re here, sweetheart.”

You sigh in relief as you realize you were in your apartment’s parking lot. He came around to open your door, those hungry eyes gazing at you as you climbed out of the seat. As soon as you were out of the car, Choso had you pinned against it, claiming your mouth as his as he grabbed your waist. Those eyes might have been hungry, but his mouth was greedy. He had moved onto your neck, sucking the skin there. Fuck, you were still outside, and you were sure he’d fuck you right here if you let him. You grabbed his hand and dragged him behind you to your apartment.

“Let’s go.”

I think I want more.

You couldn’t open that damn door fast enough. As soon as you turned around to lock it, Choso was behind you, kissing your neck and grabbing your ass as he ground it against his painfully hard dick. He flipped you towards him, picking you up and throwing you over his shoulder.

“Which room?”

“Furthest back.”

Oh, yeah, I need more of your intensity.

Choso damn near threw you on the bed, taking his shirt off as fast as possible. You didn’t even get a chance to check out his abs; he was already on you, bringing your shirt up and sucking the skin on your chest as he pulled it over your head. You watched as he unbuckled your shorts, swiftly pulling them and your panties down. The only thing left was your bra, which was not of concern right now, considering he had pulled it down so your tits could spill out. He groaned as he brought his mouth down to your nipple, bringing his fingers up to pump in and out of your pussy. Now, he was usually a bit more gentle than this; take it real slow and careful. But you two had been edging each other all night, and he needed to taste you. Now.

Love when you speed; no need to speak. 

The first swipe of his tongue nearly had you crashing, having been teased for twenty minutes in the car. It wasn’t until he slipped his tongue in you that you had to pull your strength together to not cum so fast.

“Cum for me, princess. Stop holding back.”

God, his voice was too much. So much, you came on his face, just like he asked you to. He groaned as he slurped up your juices, face completely covered in your essence, but he honestly did not give a single fuck. He was a man in heaven. He grabbed both your thighs and pinned your body down, eating you out for a second round, craving how your body jerked when he made you cum. This time, you didn’t have the will to hold out. Still recovering from the first orgasm, the second wasn’t far behind. You groaned his name in defeat, knowing you were about to cum again.

“Choso…”

“Mhm, baby. Give it to me.”

In seconds, your body was moving out of your control again, gripping his hair and pinning his face to your pussy. As you came down, you ground your hips against his face, making him chuckle.

“Fuck, I need you, princess.”

I know you want more…

Choso couldn’t get his pants off fast enough. His dick was about to jump out his boxers; if he got any harder, it probably would’ve ripped through them. Positioning himself over top of you, he kissed you and brought his finger up to put your wetness on his shaft.

“Ready for me?”

You gave him a nod, gripping his shoulders as he slid inside you. Once he was all the way in, he brought his lips down to your neck, experimentally pulling his hips back and forth slowly, making sure you had adjusted to his size. Fortunately for him, teasing for hours and two orgasms later, you took him instantly. Damn, he was big. You moaned loudly at the feeling of him stretching you out, arching your back off the bed as he fucked you steadily. His face was inches away from yours, every couple of thrusts coming down to kiss you, throwing his head back to get his hair out of his face, damp with sweat from how good he was fucking you. And you were sure to let him know just how good he was giving it to you, moaning his name out like a damn siren, pulling him into your pussy as he picked up the pace.

…Ima give you more.

Fast, deep, slow, he didn’t care. He was gonna give it to you however you needed wanted it. He didn’t expect you to want to ride him, though, climbing over him and sinking down on his dick; boy wasn’t that a sight to see. He was losing his mind; you fucked him at a fast pace, tits jumping every time you brought your pussy back down to his hips. Fuck, you were perfect. You were doing magic on him, had to be; he swears he’s never had pussy this good. At this point, he needed to see you crumble again, so he took some initiative and grabbed your hips, fucking his dick into you rapidly.

“Choso, oh my god!”

“You like that princess?”

You were too fucked out to answer. Every thrust made you dizzy, putting your hands on his chest to steady yourself. Then there was that goddamn look on his face. His eyes were on you like a wild animal, groaning as you slid up and down his shaft. You wanted to see how much of a reaction you could get out of him, rolling your hips as his eyes rolled back. He was gonna cum soon, but he needed you to cum first.

Want you to love me like you do that S5, oh my.

He’s back on top, bringing your thighs up to his chest, getting as deep as possible. You were a blabbering mess at this point, and all he could do was smile as you tried to grab at the sheets, pussy about to give in at any second. With a quick dive, his lips came up to yours, his thumb reaching up to rub your clit. Every moan you gave went into his mouth, tongue exploring it as you came undone on his dick. And it felt fucking amazing. Your pussy clenched down on him, driving him crazy, your body squirming as you came hard from your third orgasm of the night.

Are you ready for the ride of your life?

He was done for. The feeling of your pussy tightening on him was too much, your moans of his name sounding like music to his ears. He didn’t even care anymore. Shamelessly, he moaned your name and whimpered into your neck as he came. God, it was like a fucking firecracker, his body feeling things it hadn't felt before. He had only fucked you this once, but fuck, he was addicted. He fell to your side, panting for a bit before getting up.

“Where’s your bathroom?”

I swear I would die for you.

He returned with a wet washcloth, cleaning the cum from your pussy and stomach, chuckling when you whimpered from the overstimulation of him cleaning around your clit. When he was done, he came and laid beside you, bringing you into his arms. You felt his head rest on yours, kissing your forehead lightly. Then, you realized that he would have to drive-

“Can I stay the night?”

“Hm, maybe. What do I get in return?”

“If you’re good, another round when we wake up.”

“I guess that’s better than you driving home drunk.”

“You mean “us.” I’m sleeping with you either way.”

You know I'd risk my life for you.

♱ the song used in this story is siren by alicia drayton.🖤 

(edit: i now know about cars😭)

♱ masterlist.

♱ all fics playlist.

𝖆𝖚 𝖗𝖊𝖛𝖔𝖎𝖗, 𝖙𝖍𝖊𝖑𝖔𝖛𝖊𝖑𝖞𝖗𝖚𝖎𝖓.

[katanablue]

I originally had a totally different idea for this but I think I may just do a part 2 hehehe. ALSO IF ANYONE GOT ANY GOOD 07 DONNIE FICS ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Warnings: NONE JUST DONNIE BEING A CUTE GRUMPY DORK.

Another day another long boring shift full of talking to idiotic people who don’t know the difference between hardware and software and explaining to one too many elderly people that ‘No, you cannot print out the Internet.’

He’s just finished a call, rubbing the space between his eyes as he feels his daily headache come on. He’s impressed that he’s managed to nearly finish his workday without it appearing until now. He groans low in his throat, debating on getting up to grab a glass of water so he can take a pill or just sucking it up these last 30 minutes.

He gets his answer when an incoming call rings through his headset, making Donnie roll his eyes hard and into the back of his skull. He inhales deeply through his nose to prepare himself, letting it out when he clicks on a key to answer the phone.

“Thank you for calling tech support, this is Donatello speaking, how can I help you today.” He doesn’t bother putting on his customer service voice, his headache dully throbbing now as he waits for the other person on the line to start rambling about their dumb issue.

“Hi, how are you today?” You say, giving the standard pleasantries before delving into your computer issue.

Typical, of course his last call would try to make small talk.

“I’m fine ma’am, thank you. How can I help you today?” He repeats it, resisting the urge to roll his eyes again and leans back in his chair, swaying gently side to side. He thinks about what he should eat after, his eyes trailing to the clock in the Lair that signifies in big red letters that it’s nearly 2 a.m. Not the latest he’s stayed up but today’s shift was particularly exhausting. Maybe it’s the full moon or something, ‘Mercury in Gatorade’ as Mikey would sometimes call it.

“Hello?”

Shit. He totally just fucking zoned out on you.

“Apologies ma’am, I didn’t quite catch that. Would you mind repeating it?” Great, he just extended this call by about 2 minutes.

“Oh, that’s alright! I’m dealing with an issue with my laptop’s ability to open programs fast. It’s taking forever just to open something and I’m not quite sure why.” You repeat your issue, quietly sighing as you aimlessly move your mouse around your screen, hoping that the guy on the other side will be able to help with you.

Donnie immediately knows what the problem could be; slow processing speeds a fairly common issue for him but thankfully an easy fix.

So he starts by asking the standard questions: do you have any programs that take a lot of space? Any tabs open that you aren’t using? Anything running in the background?

When you tell him ‘no, no and no’, that’s when he sits up from his chair and squints his eyes. If those aren’t the cause of your laptops slow speed then what could it be?

“Well,”

Ah, there it is.

“I do play a few games but those have never caused me problems before. Could that be it?”

Normally Donatello’s irritation would increase when the customer would ‘suddenly remember’ something that could be pausing their problem. You, however? Didn’t spark that within him for some reason. In fact, besides your calm demeanor, it’s the way you spoke so kindly to him combined with the fact that you also game apparently that has Donnie not wanting to snap at you.

“Like what?” He asks, being sure to keep it professional.

And when you list his all time favorite game among some others that he’s obsessed with, he has to practically force himself to not totally geek out. Sure he’s played some of the popular games nowadays like League or Valorant, but hearing you say that you modded some old PS1 games to play on your laptop practically skyrockets his excitement.

Which in turn makes his headache pound harder.

He’s unable to keep himself from hissing when a pang shoots right through his skull, knowing you heard it when you trail off your sentence.

“Are you alright?”

Maybe it’s because he’s had a long day or maybe it’s because this seems to be shifting into a migraine, but the concern and sincerity in your voice makes an odd feeling bubble in Donnie’s chest. Surely no one would ever be genuinely worried over an I.T guy, not when you have more pressing matters on your hands.

“My apologies miss, I’m just uh, dealing with a bit of a headache right now. Although I think it’s turning into a migraine.” He grunts through his clenched jaw, swinging carefully around in his chair as he searches for his bottle of Advil only to suck his teeth when he shakes the container and hears absolutely nothing rattling around.

“Oh no, I’m sorry! Do you want to go grab some medicine? I don’t mind waiting.”

The corner of Donnie’s lip twitches upward. He brings his hands to massage at his temples, the motions doing something to relieve the tension in his head but not nearly enough.

“I unfortunately just discovered that I’m out of medicine. But that’s alright, I’ll pick some up after this call.” He doesn’t bother hiding his sigh, settling back in his seat as he prepares to ask you more questions to help you out.

“What about any oils? Got any of those? Usually lavender or peppermint do the trick.” You put him on speaker and go to your Safari on your phone to begin looking up other remedies, wanting to assist this poor I.T man.

Donnie’s not quite sure why you’re trying to be helpful but at this point he doesn’t exactly care, the throbbing getting worse by the second.

“It could also be too much pressure, literally, around your head. Do you wear headbands or anything like that? Could also be your headphones.”

“No, no headbands. And my headphones have cushioning all around so not those either.” He responds, debating on texting Mikey to bring him the peppermint oil that April bought for Splinter last Christmas.

“Ah, a man of comfort.” You laugh, fingers quickly typing in your question into the search engine.

Donnie finds himself smiling faintly at the sound, a fleeting thought of ‘Wow, I want to hear that again’ passing through his brain.

“Well, I can’t use regular headphones for gaming. I’m also a fan of those games that you play.”

You blink in surprise, your scrolling faltering for half a second before continuing on.

“No way, really?”

And so you talk for the next 20 minutes about said games; reliving memories, talking about specific moments you wish you could experience again, the soundtracks, the characters. Everything.

For the first 10 minutes, Donnie kept reminding himself that he was just prolonging his work call, that he should drive the focus back onto your issue so he can hang up and clock out. But the more he talked to you, the more he said ‘fuck it’ and allowed himself this one rare moment of normalcy.

He also nearly forgot about his raging migraine, until it pleasantly reminded him that it was still present with a sharp stabbing pain behind his eyes.

It’s what snaps him back to reality, his face grimacing from the white hot torment happening in his skull.

“I’m so sorry, we should really get back to your computers issues.”

“Oh, right. Sorry.”

God, why did he feel so awful saying that? And why did it make his stomach twist when hearing just how disappointed you sounded? It’s something he’ll have to dissect later, not when he’s already 30 minutes past the standard call time for support.

“Let’s see what we’re working with here.”

This is one of the rare times Donnie wishes he wasn’t so smart with technology because in less than 5 minutes he solves your problem. He wishes he could just be a little average to talk to you more even if it’s computer stuff.

“Alright, you shouldn’t have a problem anymore. Anything else I can help you with?”

Please say yes please say yes please say yes.

“No, I’m all good. Thank so much Donatello!”

“Donnie! You can call me Donnie.”

Fuck.

“Just your friendly I.T tech support here to help you 24 hours a day.”

Double fuck.

Why did he say that? It’s standard spiel protocol but still, how utterly lame…

You can’t help but giggle at him, your cheeks hurting from smiling so much from this total stranger.

“Alright then, Donnie. I’ll know who to ask for if I ever need help again.”

He smiles and asks for your name, just so he’ll know who he’s talking to if you ever do call again. He repeats it back to you once you tell him, the word rolling off his tongue in such a way that makes you feel giddy and grinning like a kid in a candy store.

“Have a good night, please don’t hesitate to call back if you’re still experiencing technical difficulties.”

And by Darwin he hopes you do.

[haveyouheardthisband]

『 FAQ 』

USEFUL LINKS: Submissions spreadsheet (gigantic list of every band submission we've received. Song submissions are on the second tab. If this does not load on your device, you can view a plaintext archive here.) Data spreadsheet (List of every band that we've posted or are still in the queue, in order, plus occasionally-updated data for finished polls.) Song submissions form (Suggest a noteworthy song for a band that's already been submitted but not yet posted. First-come first-serve. These are linked in a readmore under the band's poll.)

⏭ Y'all made a mistake! / How do I get in touch? Please scroll to read the whole FAQ first. If your question has not already been answered, then send an ask. We don't respond to most asks publicly, but we do read them all. We do not often check replies or mentions. Do NOT send band suggestions via the askbox, it is for correspondence only. (If the question/comment concerns a specific post, you can also ping me @estradasphere in a reply, but asks are preferred)

───♫───────────── ⏭ Why was this poll tagged with [x]? Genres are usually from the artist's RateYourMusic page, if they have one. Country tags are also from RYM - we tag both formed/birth location and disbanded/death location. As for decades, we do not usually tag all decades a band was active for, just a few that contain their most popular output. If we get any of these wrong, please send an ask!

───♫───────────── ⏭ Why was this album art used? If the artist has an RYM page, the album art we use is of their most-rated album on there. If they don't, we use Spotify or Bandcamp or other sources. We tend to avoid album art that depicts potentially triggering subjects.

───♫───────────── ⏭ This artist is morally reprehensible! We do not endorse or support any artists posted here. We're asking if you've heard them, not if you like them - and doing a background check on every submission is infeasible. You are free to warn others via reply, reblog, etc. That being said, we may reject submissions at our own discretion.

───♫───────────── ⏭ Can you add a "yes, unfortunately" option? No, and we don't think this is the best perspective to have. Every band is someone's favorite! We are not intent on changing the three options we have now.

───♫───────────── ⏭ Can you post more/less of [x] genre? We run entirely off of submissions, and go through those mostly in chronological order. We do not control which bands get submitted. That being said, we do try to space out polls in the queue if there's a lot of submissions of the same genre/vibe in a row.

───♫───────────── ⏭ When will band submissions reopen? If/when we get through the bulk of the current submissions. Our backlog is so massive that this may not happen until 2026 (at the latest) though. Sorry!

───♫───────────── ⏭ When will my submission be posted? You can check our progress by looking at the submissions spreadsheet. Finished submissions are the ones highlighted turquoise. Keep in mind that we post once per hour, and you can probably estimate the date from there.

───♫───────────── ⏭ Why didn't my submissions post in the order I submitted them? We rearrange the queue if there's a lot of bands of the same genre/vibe submitted in a row. Or for no reason.

───♫───────────── ⏭ Why didn't my submission get posted at all? A few reasons this could happen:

Your band is still in the queue, just not in order (see the question above this one)

Your band has been submitted before (search the blog or the data sheet for them)

Your band is so obscure we couldn't find album art or genre info for them

You submitted a ton of bands in a row that are either all similar to each other or in alphabetical order (we don't want one person monopolizing the blog for a long period of time)

If you think we've made a mistake, you can send an off-anon ask or DM a mod, and we'll post a poll for them ASAP if valid. Accidents happen.

───♫───────────── ⏭ How do I suggest songs for multiple-artist submissions? See here and here.

───♫───────────── ⏭ What's the policy on vulgar/offensive band names or album art? Generally OK, but it'll be decided at our own discretion. In the case of album art, we try to find one of the artist's other works at around the same popularity, and if we can't, we'll trigger tag it.

───♫───────────── ⏭ Why don't you tag polls with the band names? Tagging it would put the post in the lap of every fan who follows or searches for the tag. For popular bands, we feel this would skew the results too much.

───♫───────────── ⏭ Can you trigger tag [x]? We currently tag common triggers like gore, nudity, body horror, and suicide (typically as "#___ tw" or "#cw ___"); if we missed a post with one of those, please let us know! As for implementing new trigger tags, sorry, we have enough on our plate at the moment and probably wouldn't remember it. We recommend using Xkit Rewritten's post block feature and/or Tumblr's built-in tag/content filtering.

───♫───────────── ⏭ Have y'all considered increasing the post speed to more than 1 per hour? We don't really want to, sorry! Making 24 posts per day to keep pace is enough work for us already, haha.

───♫───────────── ⏭ How many posts are in the queue? It's maintained at around 150-250.

───♫───────────── ⏭ Do y'all want/need another mod? Not right now. If we ever do, we'll make a post for it.

───♫───────────── ⏭ How is the profile picture album picked? It's just an album that one of the mods likes, that's all. It changes approximately every 2 weeks.

───♫───────────── ⏭ Why is Spotify used for song links and playlists? It simply loads faster on my computer than YouTube. We have no intention of changing this, sorry.

[isa-ghost]

Attention JSE Community: Important

PLEASE REBLOG

This will probably blow up in my face, but something needs to be said. Besides, anyone who comes after me for this supports genocide, so. Whatever. Free blocklist if anyone sends me hate anons.

There's a person in the community, who runs a few blogs you may know, which you'll want to block if a) you're Palestinian or b) you wholeheartedly oppose the genocide taking place against them. I'm going to provide context, then list the blogs you'll want to block.

Back in November or so, when I first started reblogging pro-Palestine posts, I as an American wasn't as informed at the time about the war going on as I am now. Like any sensible American, I fully expected that any major media source I'd be given info from would be feeding me propaganda or just lies in general. (I'm right but I digress). As soon as I started reblogging pro-Palestine posts, I got concerned asks from two anonymous Israeli people who were formerly veteran followers of mine (one had been following me for at least 6 years). I thought their concern was reasonable, given I doubted the media sources I'd be most likely to get information from. I offered to let them correct me if I reblogged misinformation, assuming America would lie to me about both sides of the war, because of course I want to ensure I'm not perpetuating misinfo.

Mind you, I only reblogged 3 types of pro-Palestine posts: charity signal boosts, posts BY Palestinians, and videos of actual literal real life footage of proof or interviews about what Israeli forces are doing to Palestine and its people.

The anons I was getting started getting angrier, more aggressive, and guilt-trippy. I'm not sure which post was their last straw, but either the main anon (the one following me 6+ years) or BOTH anons I had previously heard from attacked me in my askbox calling me antisemitic and saying other nasty things because I was supporting Palestine. The main anon guilt-tripped me and straight up claimed Israel is not harming Palestine whatsoever, in other words denying the genocide is happening. Then they unfollowed me. This person owns the blogs I'm going to list to you.

I haven't heard from this main anon or the other one on Tumblr since, however they both were, until recently, also in a JSE Community theorist server I mod in, and recently blew up in there after the server mods declared their support for Palestine. The server owners AND the mods have been getting hate anons from Zionists (presumably the two anons sending multiple asks) for the last few days because of it, just like I did when I kept reblogging pro-Palestine posts.

One of the two anons, I'm unsure which, also owned a blog called @/hamas-is-isis, which is now inactive and/or deleted. You can still block the blog regardless just to be safe. Whichever anon didn't own the blog was reblogging its posts. So both anons supported the blog to say the least.

NOTE: DO NOT INTERACT WITH THESE BLOGS. ONLY BLOCK THEM. THIS POST IS NOT INTENDED TO CAUSE HARASSMENT, ONLY AWARENESS.

The main anon, the one denying the genocide is happening, owns the following blogs, two of which are/were major community blogs (which is why I'm fully expecting this to blow up in my face somehow).

@/theoristsden

@/hug-bot

@/aceofspades-lena (this is the main anon & possibly the owner of @/hamas-is-isis)

I strongly urge anyone who sees this post to block them, because I and at least 6 other people I will not name to avoid them getting harassed further, have witnessed this person being legitimately malicious towards Palestine and the topic of it. Again, they sent me an ask denying that Israel was hurting Palestinian people.

The second anon, the server mods realized today, had previously been sending subtle Islamophobic dogwhistle art in the server. We didn't catch it until after it came out that they're Zionists. Obviously, for any members of the server who see this that may be concerned, the mods have now deleted that art. The following blogs are theirs and I'm urging anyone who sees this to block them too:

@/phantomhunt

@/spacetimesystem

On the spacetimesystem blog, there are other sideblogs they listed in their pinned post if you want to go as far as to block those too.

I won't share it on this post, but the mods of the server I mentioned have screenshot proof of some of the hate anons that have been sent (I don't have any of the ones I got months ago unfortunately), as well as some other things these two have said. We also have a screenshot of the art.

I also want to mention, we found them discussing the idea of making a JSE community space that would "accept them." If you see Discord invites floating around, be wary. You could unknowingly be joining a Zionist-owned, anti-Palestine server.

Absolutely mind-boggling to me that these two would do all this or be this way when the charity that Sean supported for Thankmas this year is helping Palestinians. Not to mention he just straight up doesn't want hateful people in his community at all. But I digress.

Anyway, I urge you to block the blogs I listed. At least one of them is genuinely malicious and has attacked multiple people on anon over voicing support for Palestine. The other made art that implied Palestinians are monsters.

Free Palestine, and stay safe.

And once more: DO NOT INTERACT WITH THE LISTED BLOGS. ONLY BLOCK. I AM NOT MAKING THIS POST LOOKING TO GET ANYONE HARASSED.

[the-24-7-lawlu-library]

Hello!

I have a trip in a few days and I need some longfics to help me survive, do you have any recs?

Hello there! I hope we are not too late with answering. Of course we can't leave you alone in this! Here are some recs:

I’d Forgotten How Nice Romance Was, Then You Reminded Me by Living4LifesSake (M)

At forty-four years old, Luffy was content with the way things were. Sure his life hadn't exactly gone like he had originally thought it would, but it was fine. He had a good job, a cute dog, a whole gang of awesome friends, a supportive family; things were great. He was fine with being single. Then, one fateful night, he got sat by a handsome man at a bar. And suddenly, everything changed. A story where Law and Luffy learn that you’re never too old to have a whirlwind romance.

Lead Me Back to Suffering by Purplehairedwonder (M) [non-con, includes Doflamingo/Law]

In the wake of Kaido's fall, Law is kidnapped from the shores of Wano.

Inhuman Potential by Sydneyxface (E) [Blood and Gore]

Dr. Trafalgar Law has seen many wild and surprising things come across his table as a pathologist, but nothing compares to one of his decedents waking from the dead - and thirsty for his blood. And so Law befriends (and beds) a vampire named Luffy and is pulled into the chaos that surrounds him - which involves cracking a case of missing people supposedly being used as slave labor for the elites of the world... the Celestial Dragons. Alternate Universe - Modern day, 2023.

Not a Ball or a Chain by HollowIsTheWorld (T) [AU-Modern]

Trafalgar Law grew up hoping he would be one of the handful of people to never develop a soulmate mark. Now that that hasn't panned out, however, he's willing to settle for just never meeting them. Unfortunately for him, Monkey D. Luffy is a hard person to avoid.

At the End of the Day by Artificial_Starlight (M) [Edit: we corrected the link]

It was such a simple thing to get worked up about, he knew, and maybe it was because he's so removed from normal social interaction that the idea of new friends coming into his life only bothered him. He only needed the three - they gave him enough trouble! They already bugged him enough to hang out, already caused drama that he was dragged into, already teased him about his idiosyncrasies... They already knew about his issues; spent years around his ever changing moods as he tried to be less angry, less scared, less obsessive. They already tried with mixed results to help him sleep, heal, and trust. He didn't need anyone else getting that close. However, as he began to walk away, he couldn't help but believe that not taking Straw-hat's words seriously would be a mistake.

the thing that remains by tciddaemina (M)

He'd had a plan. Destroy the SAD manufacture plant, destroy the SMILE factory... A kidnapping here, a bit of extortion there. Simple, at least by Law's standards. The Straw Hats had been a surprise, but a manageable one. Doflamingo would submit to their demands, sealing his own fate, or they'd destroy the factory and Kaidou would finish the job for them. He'd had a plan. Now Law doesn't know what's going on, but its definitely not the plan.

Boyfriend's Duties by martilla (E)

“Good evening,” Law said calmly. “I am looking for…” he looked down at the medical chart in his hands. “Monkey D. Luffy.” The boy on the bed smiled immediately when he heard his name, a curious and excited look in his eyes. “That’s me!” He shouted out. “Are you the doctor? They said that they were sending a doctor before dinner and I am really hungry, so if you are the doctor this means that I am gonna eat soon!” The two men in the room groaned at that sentence and Law felt taken aback by the enthusiasm of the guy. He was either stupid or not aware of the gravity of his injury, if his only thought was dinner. “Yes, I am the surgeon that will operate on you,” he answered. “My name is Trafalgar Law.” * Law is a surgeon who needs some light in his life. Then Luffy happens.

-Mod Raiya

[sisefs]

If you're still here in 2023, YandereDev groomed another girl. And this time he has manipulated her into retracting the story and defending him. He's been in contact with her since she was 9 and now she's a mod in his Discord server. Anyone who tries to DM her asking about the situation gets banned. The Osana subreddit has info and so does Decepticommie on TikTok. Many volunteers and VAs quit the project as well, including the voices of Ayano and Senpai.

For a long time, I had strongly felt that I'd said everything I needed to say on the subject, and so I set this blog aside and focused on other matters in my life. But a friend abreast of the situation recently updated me on these latest happenings and I had to chime in again. It frustrated me to no end that I couldn't substantiate my side of the story with any definitive proof - and now the truth is plain for everyone with functioning eyes to see, at the cost of yet another minor being victimized. Who's to say how many people he's preyed on between then and now...I see comments all the time from people claiming to have had less-than-savory encounters with him or worse, and I'm sure there are many more who either don't think anything of it or are enjoying the attention who will only later realize how it's affected them. It took me years to really understand why my interactions with Eva were a big deal at the time, and making my voice heard in order to try to prevent as many people from falling victim to him as possible became the only correct course of action for me.

Without substantiative evidence, my voice only reached so far. But, finally, thanks to this girl coming forward, people are abandoning his project and leaving him to dry. Like he deserves. It's a small justice; really he should be in prison. But if some good can come out of this, if we can prevent more abuse from happening in the future, then we can breathe some small sigh of relief that things are moving in the right direction at last.

"Jane," as everyone is referring to you out of respect not to use your real name - if you see this, please reach out to me. I didn't want to breach your trust and privacy by tracking down your contact info, but I would very much like to talk to you and to hear your side of the story. Where you are right now, things are too close and too chaotic for you to have much clarity in this situation about what to do, I know. It's a lot. But I would love to help support you any way I can as someone who knows exactly what you're going through.

[miscretis]

Discord Mod!Ronin x Discord Kitten!Reader (G.n) [PART 3/FINALE OF A CRACK FIC TAKEN SERIOUSLY]

WRITERS NOTE

Part 3/3 is finally out now! It's been a good few days since I started this series and it has been really fun to write! I'm appreciative of the support given towards this series and I hope that y'all will continue to support me, my artworks, and my writing! Yes you read that right, this is the finale. This is really rushed because I wanted to start on a new AU, a new project. It's going to be another Ronin x Reader but I promise it's a good one! Now, sit back and enjoy the finale of Discord mod!Ronin x Discord Kitten!Reader (g.n)

CW:

-Mentions of murder

- bad and rushed writing

-cringe.

Months flew past and you were slowly wrapping up the novel for a nice and bittersweet ending. You checked your calendar and realised that today was Valentine’s day! What's so exciting about it anyways? It's not like anyone is going to ask you out…

Until…

@goreboy is calling you!

What is he calling me for?

Curiosity was starting to engulf you so you decided to pick up the discord call. pick up the discord call. As you picked up the call, the wine red hair man appeared on the screen before you, a cheeky grin on his face.

“What’s up my darling daredevil? The devil has come to wish you a Happy Valentine’s day,” Ronin snickered.

You rolled your eyes, “Very funny Ronin, very funny.”

He chuckles, “What? Aren’t you thankful that your boyfriend is here for you?

“More than thankful.” Your tone dripped with sarcasm.

“The kitten’s feisty as ever, I like that. But, my patience is running out, writer darlin’.”

Wait..he knows who I am? How?!?! I have been concealing my identity just fine for months!

However, panicking wouldn’t help you in any situation, so you took deep breaths before replying, “ I’m not scared of you, Ronin. You’re just taking this intense role play way too seriously!”

What I said only fueled his amusement, his voice distorted into a maniacal laughter, “Oh darling. When was it ever roleplay? You’ve been playing my game for the longest time, and you still haven’t realised!”

You were surprised. No, in shock. Wait no, do you even know how you feel at this point? You’ve been fooled, utterly bamboozled. You’re like a mouse in a mouse trap, stuck in a sticky situation. The Devil’s Butcher is right in front of you on your screen. It only took you 5 months to notice.

You were utterly speechless.

“What? Cat got your tongue?”

”I know your name, Ronin. I could easily expose you.”

“So what is it?”

You ponder for a while, you only said that out of spite.

“Oh come on, don’t tell me you don’t know your boyfriend’s full government name despite dating me for a few months already! I’ve been whispering it to you.”

You quickly toggled off the calling screen and went to search through Ronin’s DMs, you realised the way he typed his words before calling you was weird…

Soon, it clicked.

“You’re Ronin Beaufort.”

Ronin’s eyes glimmered in pure excitement. You could tell that exhilaration was pumped through his veins, “Hah! You impress me, darling. It’s Ronin Beaufort, the Devil’s Butcher, yours truly. Meet me in Purgatory.”

14th February 2024, 8.50pm. You arrived at Purgatory, the very alley where the Devil’s Butcher gets his hands stained red. Adrenaline pumps through your veins, your heart rate quickens and your hands clammy. You couldn’t believe you’re meeting up with a serial killer, your boyfriend.

He is a serial killer but he is also my boyfriend. Will he kill me or not?

At this point, it doesn't anymore. By agreeing to come along, you've already sealed your fate. As you walked along the alleyway, you saw graffiti all over the wall. It gave it more of an eerie vibe since murder literally takes place here.

Suddenly, you heard a blood curdling scream. You turned around to check your surroundings. Something's definitely up but you couldn't muster the courage to check it out. So, you stay at your current position, waiting for Ronin to come.

Time passes by and he still has yet to come. So, you decided that it was just a prank. Ronin is the type to pull these kinds of pranks anyways.

“Oh writer darling, getting impatient already? Don't worry, I'm right here!” Ronin creeps up from your back and whispers into your ears. You turned out and gasped out in surprise.

Oh god, it's not a prank. It's the Devil’s Butcher in the flash!

But as the wise man says, panicking doesn't solve anything.

Ronin chuckles, “So we meet!”

“Always the devil, Ronin Beaufort.”

“Aren't you a pleasure?” Ronin walks in closer, “Gotta say, meeting you in person got me feeling some typa’ way. And I wonder how you feel about….well…”

Ronin lets out a maniacal laugh, it stirs up some type of feeling in your chest, your cheeks flare up a pretty red.

“Do you like me now?”

“Yes.”

“Oh just speak the truth! Anything but the truth!”

He whispers into your ears, “Write me a love note, darling.”

“I know your name. I could expose you.”

“Coulda, woulda, shoulda. You could end me. You should end me. But would you end me?”

“...”

“I don't think so! Where's the boys in blue? Why's it just us in my favourite gruesome alley? Why's that after knowing who I am, you still wanna see me?”

“So why did you even invite me to the server?”

“I did it for you. You were starving for inspiration, so I gave you insatiability.”

“...”

“You wanted inspiration, so I became your muse. You wanted love, so I gave you love. Isn't that everything you ever wanted?”

“...”

“Why didn't you call the cops? There were so many opportunities that you missed out on!”

“...”

“If I may…I would say you're a little too in love…”

"..."

“So, what would'ja do now? Taste the feeling of metallic death by my crowbar? Or ya gonna kiss me? Or are you gonna kill me? I got a knife right here! ” He lets out a dark chuckle as he closes up the gap between the both of you, pinning you to the wall.

You clenched your teeth, dang it. Ronin really stirred your heart up. If you kill him, you'll be guilty of a crime. If you kiss in, you'll give in.

But fuck it…who cares if you give in or commit a crime anyways? You've gone so far

You pulled him close and grabbed the knife, Ronin dropped his crowbar out of surprise. You've thrown the knife away and leaned him into a heartwarming kiss!

Euphoria spread through both of your bodies and released the unsolved tension between the two of you. You have danced with the devil and now he has now fully corrupted you, having you completely wrapped around his finger. You're now his, he's now yours.

The end.

[lyinginbedmon]

I know full well that I've got an uphill struggle when it comes to marketing Various Types, because it's 2024 and everyone already uses Origins and thinks it's the bee's knees (and to their credit, Origins is a good mod), so you'll forgive me for harking on about VT but I do earnestly believe that it is more than viable as a competitor of the aging popular mod.

All this was true as well back when what is now Various Types was part of Various Oddities (which itself enjoyed some considerable popularity whilst Origins didn't share space in the same modloader), but I'll try and break it down a bit to drive home why I think it's worth giving a look:

First, it doesn't work like Origins. In Origins, you choose (or are randomly selected) a "origin", of varying levels of "impact" usually between 0 and 3. Depending on server config, you might get another one after dying, but that's it. This means the range of gameplay is only as diverse as the datapack in use, because each player is locked into just one component.

Various Types, in stark contrast, actually presents the player with a full-blown character creation system. You choose a species, which is similar to an origin, and are then able to choose templates that modify it. Moreover, those templates can be stacked on top of each-other, in different orders and with different results. So whilst the range of gameplay is still limited by datapack, it is roughly combinatorially massive. The default species and templates that presently ship in the alpha, by itself, theoretically offer up to 286 builds (template conditions permitting). The server has a "power" setting that helps to constrain how drastically overpowered characters can be, but the variations possible without even breaking 5 power are staggering against the dozen or so origins that Origins ships with even today.

This ultimately means that players are always able to be at least a little different to one-another. Even if they share the same species as the foundation of their character, an Insectile player is quite distinct to an Aquatic one.

Even among the less-impactful templates, a Gravekin Orkin (essentially a still-intelligent zombified piglin) has some stark distinction from a Reptilian Orkin (roughly a lizardman). Though personally, I'd rather not get on the bad side of either one of them, especially if they just heard me call them piglins...

Secondly, and by absolutely no means least, the core component of the mod (the character sheet) has intentionally been constructed such that it is incredibly easy for others to expand beyond its current and original confines.

Want to build a magic mod and need to track what spells people have and how much mana? All you need to do is register a couple things to the right registries, and it'll work just fine. Want to build a class system on top of it and player an Othall Ranger or Muckie Druid? Same thing, same ease.

In essence, and with no shred of hyperbole, Various Types has the capacity to be the foundational element of any conceivable per-player customisation mod. Just as long as people give it a chance.

Thirdly, the laborious devotion to clean visual aesthetics. I'm not gonna give Origins much sheet for this one, it's very much a product of its age from when Minecraft didn't really support anything that wasn't a texture rendered on a repeating dirt background.

But Various Types really fits in with the more recent era of Minecraft UI. The character creator screen alone really deserves a look. Each species can be given a distinct background to complement its lore or function, such as the Crioch species being from the End and therefore having an End City as their background, versus the sunny green forest background used by the Overworld-native Linn species.

Every species, template, type, or ability can even be given custom lore text. All of them. The sheer volume of options for RP alone are staggering.

Oh, and did I mention that your avatar is visible in the creator screen? As well as the character sheet display screen?

Which doesn't sound like much on its face, you can see your skin in your inventory screen all the time after all. Except that's not actually a player being rendered in either screen.

It's a custom entity. With a custom model. That can play animations.

Every time you open that screen, your avatar will wave at you to say hi. Stick around on it long enough, and you'll even see them strike a pose right out of a fighting game or casually sit down for a moment.

You can even see what your build will look like in full on the character sheet screen before you finalise it.

And that screen is itself no slouch. It prioritises clean minimalism whilst still giving access to every detail of a given build.

Which is great, but especially so because Various Types has four favourite ability keys (which you can assign activated abilities to quickly and easily from the ability menu, from which you can also just click on any ability to activate it) and absolutely no limit on how many abilities you can have. Passive OR activated.

It's really more comparable to the UI screens of Minecraft Dungeons or Legends than anything on offer by any other mod in the same niche.

Seriously, go check this mod out. It's in alpha right now, but more or less the only thing missing from it is just more abilities, and I've got a list as long as my arm of those to implement.

[crowandmousewritingco]

Facing The Monster Head On (Pt. 2)

Part 1

Pairing: Dieter Bravo x trans!Actor!reader

Words: 2.6k

Rating: PG-13, like part 1, there is no explicit bits. There are insinuation(s). Honestly if there was a rating between PG-13 and R, that's what this fic would be.

Summary: You're the co-star of an upcoming movie, Cliff Beasts 6. You're starring next to the -questionable- star, Dieter Bravo. Shooting the scenes was the easy part. The not-so-easy part? Dieter's habits.

Author: Mod Crow (I really need to get better at writing and posting)

Author's Note(s): As before, this was originally supposed to be a single part, but I love this slightly gremlin like man. The story used the prompt list for @thepromptfoundry's July prompt list.

Warnings: Language, hints at rated-R thoughts, mentions of drugs and drug use, mentions of addiction, mentions of parental death, reader gets misgendered, and -not a bad warning- plot twist (maybe?)

Info on PTSD: Here

You don’t know how long you sat there on the floor, head buried in your knees, but by the time you lifted your head someone was knocking on the door. There was a part of you that just wanted the person to keep knocking, maybe they’d get the message that you weren’t going to be opening the door anytime soon. That was until you heard them talk.

“Hey, look I didn’t mean to make you cry. Can I come in or something to properly apologize to you?” The knocking stopped for a moment, was he just going to stand there and keep knocking? God you only hoped not, you didn’t want to explain to this big Hollywood actor why him asking you for drugs sent you spirling. 

Groaning softly you forced yourself to your feet. Once up right, you run your hands through your short hair, taking a shaky breath in, you turn to face the door. Did you really want to open the door? It would be so easy to just turn around and hide yourself under the thick comforter that rested on the hotel bed.

“If you don’t wanna talk I get that, but I will get Ronjon to come by if you don’t at least tell me you’re alive.” Then a couple more knocks rang out. Closing your eyes you couldn’t help but want to chuckle at the thought of Dieter going to Ronjon and trying to convince him that you needed to be checked on.

Grabbing the door knob with one hand, you used your other hand to unlock the chain lock. Pulling the door open, you locked eyes with Dieter, that hungry look was still there, it would always be there. Though this time it wasn’t pure hunger, his eyes looked softer, almost as if he was…

“Are you worried about me? You don’t even know me.” Pulling the door open further you leaned on the doorframe, your knees weren’t quite ready to support your body but you couldn’t have stayed on the floor and opened the door. 

Watching him reach up to scratch the back of his neck, “Look I can't have people thinking that I enjoy making people cry. How do you think my PR team would handle something like that?” You couldn’t help but scoff at his remark, so the worry in his eyes isn’t over you, it’s over his public image, typical actor. 

“I’m fine, thanks for checking in on me. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have stuff that I would like to get done.” Without offering a ‘bye’ you closed the door without letting him say another word. Locking the door, you could hear him mumble something, then you heard the familiar sound of footsteps growing more and more quiet. Turning to the bed you look at it for a moment. You could hear the bed, it was practically calling out to you. Walking over to the mattress you could feel the exhaustion of the evening set in. At the feeling of your knees bumping into the bed you sighed softly and started to strip yourself of your day wear. Removing your dress pants last, you could feel the chill of the room on your warm skin, causing chill to run down your spine and goosebumps to break out across your skin. 

Climbing into the bed, you were quick to slide under the covers. Under the covers however, weren’t much better than the cold air of the room. Grabbing the remote off the bedside table, you pointed it to the TV and switched it on, not caring what was on. You just needed sound, anything other than the deafening silence and ringing in your ears. You flipped through the channels for only a moment, before deciding on some documentary on sea coral. 

Setting the remote back down on the bedside table, you flipped the lamp off. Letting your hand rest against the pillow. Closing your eyes you couldn’t help but replay the last twenty minutes on repeat in your head. Finally slipping into sleep’s grasp, your body relaxed under the covers.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Okay can you walk us through what happened one more time, Miss?” You don’t know how many times you’ve told the detectives the story, or how many times you’ve had to correct them. Squeezing your eyes shut, you take in a shaky breath.

“For the last time, I’m a man, a boy, He/Him. How many times do I need to say it?” Opening your blood-shot eyes you look at both of the older men sitting in front of you. Watching as one raised their hands, almost as if to say, ‘hey no need to get angry’. 

“Sorry about that…sir. We’re older, that whole changing your gender is still confusing to us.” The older of the two said, he said his name was Detective Derfner. Looking to the other, -Detective Mauller- he gave a half-assed apologetic shrug. Sighing you rolled your eyes, crossing your arms over your chest.

“Why not have an detective or someone like that who could atleast show me a little fucking respect. I found my mom dead tonight and instead of being comforted or with my family, I’m in here because you think I had something to do with it. I’ve told you this same story every time you ask. Right before I went upstairs, my mom and her new boyfriend thing -Travis- had been fighting. No, I don’t know what the arguing about. By the time I finally gave up trying to stay down there it was around eleven thirty or midnight. I don’t know what time I finally managed to fall asleep, but I jolted awake just about three thirty AM. No, I don't remember what my dream was about. 

When I finally got out of my bed, I noticed how quiet the house was. I assumed that meant that they had either made up and got to bed or that he had left and my mom had fallen asleep either on the couch or if she went to her room. As I made my way through the halls, I could kind of hear the TV in the living room. I thought that she had passed out on the couch, so I was going to go wake her up so she wouldn’t get a kink in her neck or mess her back up. When I got to the doorway of the living room, I could see her slumped over slightly. I thought it was some kind of joke, so I kept telling her that it wasn’t funny. I walked towards her to shake her awake, but when I got close enough to see the table I had seen…there were pill bottles. I didn’t count them, but there were like four, maybe five. Two of them were completely empty, I know for a fact that one of the bottles had her name on it and the other was mine. My mom was prescribed lexapro after my dad’s mom and then my dad died. 

I was prescribed Prozac after my dad’s death, I didn’t know my grandma too well. She lived in Washington state practically my whole life. I didn't check the other bottles. I couldn’t. I couldn’t bring myself to see if my mom had taken every single pill. So, sorry I couldn’t and still can’t help you there.” Chewing the inside of your cheek, you reached out and grabbed two more tissues. Drying your, once again, tear wettened face, you look between the detectives. The older of the two was taking a couple of notes, while the other seemed to be looking over his notes.

Watching as Detective Derfner looked up from his notes, he pulled a few pictures out from behind his writing pad, “Thank you. Now, we took some pictures of the other three bottles. Two were prescribed to a mister Travis Byrd, who you know as your mother’s boyfriend.” You looked at the two pictures of the pill bottles that had Travis’ name on them, “The third name is a name that we couldn’t find in your mother’s phone, nor have you mentioned the name. But that third bottle is prescribed to a mister Fransisco Mor-’

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The hushed, yet rapid sound of knocking pulled you from your restless sleep. Propping yourself up on your elbows, you looked to the alarm clock, switching the bedside lamp on. Sighing at the time, you push your half naked self out of bed, bringing the bed’s massive comforter with you as a cover. Wrapping the comforter around your shoulders, you held it closed with your left hand as your right one reached for the locks of the door.

Once unlocked, you pulled the door open. Without even seeing it it was first you closed your eyes and pinched the bridge of your nose.

“What? It’s like one o’clock in the morning, what could you possibly wa-” Dropping your hand and opening your eyes, you see who decided that now was a great time to bother someone, Dieter Bravo. As the two of you stood there, the only sound for a moment was the soft sound of the TV on in your room. Scanning over Dieter you can tell that he has yet  to go to sleep, or maybe he just woke up? He looked about as rough as you felt at this moment. 

Without talking, Dieter gently shoved past you. Turning to watch as he walked into your room, you let go of the door, allowing it to shut at its own pace. Following behind him, you stop next to the floor length mirror. You watched as he sat on your bed, making himself comfortable. Continuing to watch, you watched as Dieter took off his signature sunglasses, and looked at you. You couldn’t pull your eyes from his, the dark coffee color of his eyes holding your attention. Swallowing dryly, you held the comforter tighter around your body, “C-Can I help you? You did kind of wake me up, you know that right?”

Without responding at first, Dieter stuck up one of his hands, as if to tell you to stop talking. Scoffing softly, you roll your eyes, “Well excuse me for talking. Please do talk, your highness.” You gave Dieter an over dramatic bow. As you stood up right, you heard him chuckle softly before finally talking.

“Look sorry about making you cry or whatever earlier. I came here because I would like to know, would you like to have sex with me?” Leaning back slightly, you can’t help but stare at him for a moment. Was this grown man offering sex as an apology, or does he not know how to talk to people like a normal human?

Reaching up, you pinch the bridge of your nose. “Maybe it’s because you woke me up and I’m still half asleep, but Dieter, I’ll be one hundred percent honest with you. I have wanted to fuck you for the last five years or so. Right now however, I do not want to fuck you.” Dropping your hand and opening your eyes, you study his face. Locking eyes with him once again you recognized something about the gleam in his eyes. He seemed to have that same hunger in his eyes from earlier, though this time he was looking at you with that look. Dieter was practically undressing you with his eyes. 

Shaking your head you walk towards him, “I’m not fucking you tonight. You are more than welcome to stay, but no fucking is going to happen.” As you finished talking, you could see Dieter slump slightly, he looked like a child in a candy shop who just got told no. Without talking, you watched as he stood from your bed, and replaced his sunglasses.

“Well, when you finally come around to it. You know where my room is.” Reaching into his robe pocket, he fishes around the pocket for a moment before pulling his hand from the pocket. Between his index and middle finger he held a small plastic bag, the contents of which looked all too familiar, coke. As that thought entered your brain you felt something in you take over.

Dropping the comforter that was hiding your bare chest and legs to the ground, you quickly closed the distance between the two of you. Reaching out, you snatched the small dime bag from his fingers. You didn’t notice the smirk on his face as he spoke, you simply heard him. “It’s nice to see I’ve found someone who also enjoys a little…pep in their step.” 

Staring at the bag in your hand, you felt your mouth run dry. Without thinking, the thoughts that entered your brain made a pipeline straight to your mouth. “I’ve been clean for two years tomorrow.” Walking past him, you sat on the edge of your own bed, your glazed over eyes finding his face before continuing on. “I started just after my mom died, I found the guy who she had gotten some of her pills from, turns out he was also one who enjoyed a little pep. I spent two and half years with him. That was until he lost control of his truck while we were both high. He didn’t die, but I did. Twice actually.”

Eyes dropping to the bag, you toy with the opening, “Dying is an incredibly sobering experience, that doesn’t mean the want isn’t still there. And tonight has been the loudest it's been in a while.” Chuckling sadly, you look up to Dieter before clenching your jaw a few times. 

Clearing your throat, you stand from the bed. Feeling the cool air of the room on your warm body makes you shiver. Looking down you finally register why you coil feel the cold air of the room. Staring at your scarred chest, you tuck both hands under your armpits. Quickly looking back at Dieter you try to talk, “You weren’t supposed…No one on the crew…Darren doesn’t…”

Raising both of his hands this time, you stumble over your words till they stop coming out of your mouth. Clearing his throat, Dieter closes the small distance between the two of you. Something about him changed, he seemed…worried again. Before you could start apologizing for making him worry, you felt his warm hands on your biceps. 

“Kid calm down. Would it help if I also removed some of my clothes?” Dumbfounded by his question, you knit your brows together, “Why would that help me right now? I already told you I’m not fu-” Before you could finish your sentence, you watched as Dieter removed his robe, before removing his own shirt.

Once the older male stood bare chested, you stood there. You couldn’t help but stare at the man’s chest. Dropping your hands, you hesitantly reached out. When your fingers just barely hovered over Dieter’s chest, looking at his face, your own features were painted with a questioning look. Seeing him nod, you carefully laid your fingers on the fading scar that stretched across the entirety of his chest. 

“You’re also…you’ve had top surgery?” The questioning look on your face now morphed into a look of a mix of awe and curiosity. How could an actor who you were into be trans without you -let alone the rest of the world- knowing? Your eyes falling to his chest once more, your fingers still running across his chest. You didn’t talk, you didn’t know what else to say or ask the man.

“I had top surgery probably six or seven years ago. When I starred in the first Cliff Beast movie, I had only had the surgery several months beforehand.” Feeling a chuckle rumble through his chest, you couldn’t help but gently press your whole hand on his chest. Where your hand had stopped also allowed you to feel Dieter’s pounding heart. Looking from his chest to his eyes, you could feel your heart pick up its pace, soon matching Dieter’s. Closing your eyes, you clenched and unclenched your jaw for a moment. Shaking your head, you opened your eyes and softly removed your hand from his chest.

“I didn’t know, though I don’t think anyone else knew either. That being said, sex is still off the table. The invitation to stay though is still open.” You crossed your arms over your chest, not to hide your own exposed top surgery scar, but in an attempt to warm up. As you stood there you kept your eyes on Dieter, and just before you could open your mouth to talk, you watched as he started moving around your hotel room.

“I don’t really want to stay if I’m not getting the fuck out of it,” You couldn’t help but feel your heart clench a bit, you had really thought the whole thing from only moments ago would be enough to make him change his mind. Nodding, you went to acknowledge his words, gaze falling to the floor. Licking your dry lips, you opened your mouth, but before you had a chance to talk, he continued on. “That being said, I am willing to stay till you fall back asleep…or whatever.” 

Eyes snapping back to Dieter you saw that he was now holding the comforter, “Wh-Why? I was fine just before you were here.” You wanted to come across as strong, but your voice portrayed you. Clearing your throat you tried again, “I mean, I was fine before. I was able to fall asleep and I stayed asleep. That was until someone decided to wake me up by knocking on my door.” Sitting on the edge of your bed, you heard him chuckle.

“You know, for someone who says they were doing okay, you were pretty pale and sweaty. Now, I wasn’t in your head while you were asleep, but if I know anything, to me that looked like you were either having a nightmare, night terror, or an anxiety inducing dream. Do tell me, am I close?” Seeing the play smirk on his face as he walked to the other side of your bed and tossed the comforter on before climbing on next. “Now come lay down so I can go back to my room, we have an early day tomorrow. At least I think I remember Gunther saying that the busy day was tomorrow.” You watched as he shrugged, you couldn’t help but chuckle.

“Fine, but only because I’m tired.” Crawling to your spot you got comfortable once again, grabbed some of the comforter and covered yourself. Turning the lamp off, you rolled onto your back, “Good night I guess.” Dieter was silent for a moment, had he fallen asleep already? 

“Good night to you too.” Hearing him respond you nodded softly to yourself and closed your eyes. Sleep had found you easily once again, this time however, your sleep wasn’t plagued with unpleasant dreams. Your dreams were now simply happy childhood memories, back before things had gotten confusing and hard.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The sound of the hotel’s alarm clock pulled you from your sleep. Blindly you reach over and feel around for the clock. When your fingers finally found the alarm clock, they were quick to hit the alarm’s off button. Eyes still closed, you lay there in bed for a moment, enjoying the warmth and weight of the comforter. As you laid there a realization hit you, the comforter wasn’t this heavy. The comforter also didn’t snore softly before.

Opening your eyes, you see where the sound of snores is coming from. Dieter. He was asleep next to you, and it was obvious that the alarm clock didn’t bother him at all. You knew you should be waking him up, but there was something about this moment that you never wanted it to end. Smiling to yourself, you decided an extra ten minutes wouldn’t hurt anyone. Closing your eyes once more, you carefully snuggled closer to Dieter. You could already tell that the sleep that was going to take you this time, was going to be a gentle and wonderful sleep. Who knows, maybe your brain will decide to treat you to some…rather fun dreams.

.........

Credit to the maker of the banner, the talented @steddiecameraroll-graphics

Pedro Character Taglist

@littlemisspascal @burntheedges @carusolikey @thebeldroramscal @morallyinept @lady-bess

[annellspethraven]

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A post shared by Sloan Spencer (@sloan_spencer_author)

It all started here. I woke up and looked at 'my' Discord server for the bloated tic of a fanfic (hey that rhymes, neurospicy two seconds!) I write with my partner SonaBeanSidhe, Aran Thranduil's Dining Hall. There hadn't been enough tea yet so the natural response was 'wth is this?' Well, THIS was going to Hoover my next two days and counting. Just visit the post, dear friends of the writing persuasion and you would see (I'll save you time because I'm nice this way) that there are many screenshots supporting just what the meme says: This Instagram OP knows a writer who found herself in a steaming pile of mess with the Google Docs TOS (which is really also the Google Drive TOS, making it somewhat difficult to locate said TOS. I'll save you more time. Here:

This information comes from https://support.google.com/docs/answer/148505#zippy=%2Csexually-explicit-material So, it was the act of sharing the files, not having created or stored them that triggered what had happened. Okay, still not reassuring. In the meantime, I was concerned enough to post what had happened to r/FanFiction. Within minutes, my post had been frozen by the mods there. I can see their concern. I believe they had only seen the meme-like first screen of the Instagram post, and it does come off like a bad Snopes Fail. They asked me for more proof. The first thing I did was a search for previous instances of Google having frozen Drive accounts previously. They are limited, but they exist. The concern here had to do with the current lack of information as to why the action happened, and whether we who collectively authored and had shared Docs with explicit content were about to have our Drive accounts fall before the scythe of an overzealous AI rollout on the part of Google. Which led to the second part of this. My first response to the mods was as follows:

A little while after I sent this, an update appeared on the Instagram OP's account (easy to find) so I added this:

The salient point of the update was that the author had received restored access to her Drive, but NOT the Doc that had started the entire difficulty. I waited for a response. And waited, and waited. In the meantime, I had no means to add to, respond to, anything to my original post or defend myself against some fairly sharp initial criticisms leveled against me by individuals who clearly hadn't read anything beyond the initial meme. Special. While I understand a sub this large likely has a lot of messages to field, I also felt that given they managed to freeze my post in a matter of minutes, they were really taking their time responding. So I weighed in on Instagram with a message of support. If nothing else is taken away, please take this: Back up your files. It's easy to create an alt Google account; this other account will have its own Drive storage. Share your folders and files with yourself. If you don't already realize, in Docs under the File dropdown menu the third option is Make A Copy. If you have shared the original document 75 times, you won't have shared that copy at all. Consider backing up your works to Indie platforms like Get Hermit, Ellipsus and The Quill. There may be others. Your own external hard drive is also a very good idea. But wait, you ask. What about just using MS Word, or having copies as a PDF file in the Adobe cloud? Not so fast, my friend. Look at Microsoft and Adobe's TOS regarding sexually explicit content...you'll get an unpleasant surprise. I did. In the meantime, a third update came from the OP on Instagram shedding far more light as to what had likely gone wrong. She had shared the Doc with she guessed 18-20 people as beta readers. The belief is now that one of these persons actually turned her in to Google via their abuse form. To quote one of the commenters on that update: "I heard from an agent that Google will only do this to your account if someone reports it. Google isn’t scanning docs for explicit content (except maybe images), but yeah, for this to happen, someone had to report her document to Google." This felt like a relief...and yet is still packaged inside a cautionary tale. How many of us have shared by 'whoever has this link'? I have, or rather, I had. I revoked all such permissions to all large stories and folders in favor of my few trusted long-time friends and beta readers. The works are on AO3. I don't need those Docs links to be free floating all over the place, not after seeing what can happen. I was on vacation in England some years prior when I realized I had lost the ability to send out all outgoing Gmail. It took me several days to figure out what had gone wrong and nearly lost me my ability to receive Covid test results at a time when that was a travel necessity...almost disastrous. Fortunately I had multiple email accounts and could work around the problem. Which brings me to the last of this.

While including the subreddit mod's responses here may seem retaliatory/petulant on my part...I'm at best miffed at their shortsightedness, maybe mildly insulted, mostly shaking my head at the fact that there is something to have been learned here that could have affected any one of us. No one was spreading misinformation. Something had indeed happened. The source of it had been unknown at the time of posting. Had they left my post alone I would have gladly redacted as it unfolded; the reason for placing it on that sub was not to create a giant stir but to let others know of the risk of this happening at all and to encourage backing up that which most writers invest a considerable amount of their emotional well-being; the safety of their written works. Yes, I'm neurodivergent. No, I don't always see the world as others do. No, I still don't think this difference allows the response to be interpreted as much other than a slight and working against the interests of authors (I'm on their side and last I checked, readers need the authors to have the things that are written in order to have the things to read. Just saying). Whatever, what really matters is, if you feel this is worth sharing, share, take away the important bits, and if someone out there just wants to write it up in 3 sentences so it isn't a tl;dr, do that too.

Have a Googly day, to all near and far, in these times in which we live...>.>

[sophieinwonderland]

We are very pissed at the anti-endo response to the endogenic system venting at the fact that they would have died without their headmates and they come swinging in “oh we don’t hate your existence just stop being on our spaces!!!1!!”

Let us tell you a story of why that fucking sentence doesn’t make sense.

I’ve known my headmates for years. I knew who they were and we were going through life as best we could. The problem was we never had the right words to express what my headmates were to me and back then systems were not known or demonized. We heard about them here and there but nothing we had pursued because I was so focused on my life.

3 years ago I had discovered my sexuality and decided to join a server with beings that shared this identity with me. That’s when I first ran into systems. They were using a bot and everything. I didn’t know what that was so I read up on what plural kit was to make sure I was respectful of their existence. I’m going to say out right that this server is very hostile to any questioning system because the owners forbade any kind of system discussion cus they didn’t want system discourse on this server. You know what this catered to? Sysmeds. The system accountability was so loose that an anti-Xenopronouns headmate got a slap on the wrist while we got shouted at because how dare we hurt the mod’s friend. During this time we’re starting to question our plurality but we couldn’t speak about it at all so we continued to be in denial. The only good experience that we had is making a friend on here and moving to a private chat they had encouraged my in-sys partner to talk because they saw me talk about her and wanted to hear what she had to say. I made a Tupp for her and it was like shocking when she took over my hands for the first time in my life. She was stunned too when she was able to talk about herself without me having to do so. Still didn’t believe we were a system still.

Eventually we left that server because of how poor the moderation is. We then decided to join a self-shipping server because I incorrectly assumed that my in-sys partner was my fictional other but like I had no words to accurately describe my relationship with her at the time. I was getting desperate to find the right words. Now that sever was all fun and games for about 2 months. Literally two days after celebrating our anniversary we got banned. Without warning mind you and we saw that server got erased from our sidebar with our own eyes. The server owner had to be pushed by a mod to “explain” what happened only to give a vauge response of “gatekeeping”. The mods that pushed the owner to explain then thought it was bs then started talking about the reason why I was banned. They said that we were questioning about being a system and that was a no-no because they just got a very anti-endo on the mod team who mind you is underage in an 18+ server and the owner hated us so much that they would find anything to hit us with. The mod in question is a system but they had to hide behind “kins” to not get targeted by said anti-endo. They couldn’t do anything for us and just told us to find a different place. This was our breaking point. My protector and partner decided to stop talking to anybody outside of the system since she thought it was for the best.

I have given up hope that I could ever find the words to our existence. These 3 months after I didn’t go out to find a space for an identity. A place to call home because of every step lead to us being unwelcomed.

One day I ran into an Alterhuman server promoting their safe space for robots and anyone interested in learning about the robot side of the community. The sigh of relief when we saw that the rules stated they support good faith identities and that included endogenic systems. Not going to lie when we saw very active systems in this space we were nervous. So for the first month I never questioned my system hood and just stuck to being an “singlet” and just talk about my nonhuman experience. Over time we just saw how free the systems were able to talk about their experiences and just being happy in the server in general. I couldn’t hold back our trauma from being denied access to a space to talk and question. I broke down in the vent channel about our experience the past year and just being confused if we are a system or not. The server owner stepped in and said we are welcome to ask questions and even take the label of being plural if we wish to. Not just one or two- but four individual systems came over in support for our questioning being a system or not. We didn’t start doing that right away after all we were nervous but, a few days later my partner decided to talk once in the chat. She was rusty and very tired but she wanted to test the waters. When nothing happened we continued to explore this part of ourselves we denied for so long.

To the surprise of nobody we are indeed a system. This entire story is about how much damage that sysmeds did to other communities outside of plural spaces to the point that a system that was trying to find themselves got trapped in a loop of rejection and denial. Our story is not the first of its kind nor is it the last.

Anti-endos you can continue to keep your heads in the sand and look away from the damaged you’ve created for questioning and uncertain systems or reflect on why there is suddenly a rise of servers that don’t want systems to talk about their experiences and just being hostile to all systems.

Thank you so much for sharing your story and experiences. All of this was so horrible, and I'm sorry you all had to go through this.

This story is becoming all to common, and it's everything we're trying to fight against. I talked about bigoted and exclusionary servers not too long ago with the Alterhumans Things Discord.

To many of these anti-endos, the spaces we're invading are just... any spaces anywhere. Like this person in another post:

The "anti-endos just don't like endogenic systems coming into DID/OSDD spaces" line is just a lie.

It's frankly insulting to our intelligence as system exclusionism spreads through online communities like cancer, hurting not just endogenic systems, but also any traumagenic and disordered systems that don't fit the mold.

Again, thank you so much for taking the time to share your story. It was incredibly well-written.

I hope that now that you're out of those spaces, you can keep healing and working together. Sending my love to you, your partner and the rest of your system. 💖💖💖💖

[originalgenshinscenarios]

So I heard you like angst and I have a fic idea.

You know how in the Akitsu Kimodameshi trailer itto hangs upside down from the tree to scare us? But imagine the reader has had a traumatic experience in the past and they get really scared and their fight-or-flight system gets triggered. Throw in some chocked sobs and trembling hands and you'll have an immaculate angsty fic🤌

I was so looking forward to this one...

Itto scaring his S/O (more context in ask)

Reader here is gender neutral

When you heard about the test of courage and Itto trying to get you and the gang involved you knew that this was a bad idea.

But you still decided to support him and his ideas. After all he said he wanted to join in on scaring instead of taking part of the test itself...

So when he told you and the boys to meet him at the forest (where they told you that they'll catch up with you later so you went alone), you definitely didn't expect him to try to scare you. Although you probably should have since this is Itto we're talking about.

But regardless of that... He jumped out of nowhere and scared the daylight out of you. Although it looked like a harmless prank to him, to you it wasn't.

When he hung upside down like that you immediately screamed and got on the ground. At first he thought everything was okay and he just did a great job at scaring you. But when he got down your reaction didn't stop at that.

Your hands were trembling, you were sobbing uncontrollably and muttering something under your breath.

The instant regret was crushing him as he immediately tried to comfort you. But when he got closer your reaction only worsened for a moment...

"Hey, it's okay. It's just me" he said quietly learning from his mistake of loudly apologizing earlier.

After that you opened your eyes and saw him, he looked extremely worried. Reactions like that don't come exactly from nowhere...

So he cancelled all of the gang plans for today. Most important reason being that he needed to make up for his huge mistake just now.

Whatever you want, you'll get otherwise this amazing oni's name isn't Arataki Itto! Even Shinobu won't stop him from doing something stupid as long as it makes you smile.

But at the end of the day, he feels like he needs to know a bit more about your past. After all he never wants you to freak out like that because of him ever again.

And also, he worries about you. You're his favorite person ever, so the thought of you hiding something important hurts a little. He knows it's probably not easy to talk about but is there another reason why you've never said a thing?

~Mod Lisa

[danielt1985]

Learning To Love Minecraft Again (A Thread)

Written by Daniel T. Gaming

I've been recently falling in love with Minecraft again. After so long of not playing it. I decided to pick it back up & play it again, and It has been one of my favorite things to play in SO long. However, I did a few things to spruce up my newly found interest.

1. A Fresh Client I had decided to switch over from the tradition Minecraft launcher to the ATLauncher, a mod-eccentric client. And while it may look a tad confusing, it's actually very handy. I am now able to save as many different versions of Minecraft I wanted without my save files or mods controlling one another, unlike the official Minecraft launcher. on top of that, the official launcher also installs a bunch of useless Xbox junk because, well, Microsoft.

2. Bringing Back The Old With the ATLauncher's ability to save as many versions of Minecraft with their own dedicated files & saves, I am now safely able to play older versions of Minecraft as my heart desires.

Right now, I'm playing 2 different versions, Beta 1.7.3 (A version regarded by a LOT of people as one of the best versions of Minecraft to play today), and Release 1.5.2 (The first ever version of the game I EVER played back in 2012). I will still pick up & play Release 1.20 cuz I do like a lot of the new decor pieces & things, but if I ever just want to play a standard game of Minecraft, I have these 2 versions to keep me occupied.

There's also the old legacy versions from Consoles that people are coming back to, but I haven't gotten to those yet, but planned on them soon.

3. Making My Own Goals

My mind has always saw that "Beating the Ender Dragon" was the ultimate goal of Minecraft, and that once it's done, it's done. And while a part of me still feels that way, I'm slowly moving away from that, because that mindset has literally KILLED so many of my past Minecraft maps, and I deeply regret it.

So I started to make my own goals & my own rules. My current survival map never had a bulk smelting machine, so I added one. I never got to refine my mine & make it more like an actual mineshaft, so I got to go & do that.

I don't just want to make Minecraft a point A -> B kinda game. I want to make it a game about creating as much stuff as you can. There are people in this world who have been able to build worlds that have taken them over a DECADE to finish... so why not give yourself that same level of encouragement?

4. Playing With Friends I recently managed to get a personal Minecraft server going on an old PC. And playing with my friends has been an AMAZING experience. It's actually pretty cheap to run a server nowadays, and Bedrock editions now have general multiplayer support, so playing with friends is now becoming even EASIER than ever before.

5. Modding Makes The Difference Although I haven't got to do this one yet, I *am* planning on it, as it's been talked about by a LOT of people. There are actually a handful of mods out there that are not just for entertainment, but for bringing fresh vanilla-eccentric changes to Minecraft to keep its charm that it had in its early stages. Two that I have heard of are ReIndev & Better Than Adventure. Both of which actually run off of Beta 1.7.3 too, so that's neat!

I think personally, what these two mods are doing are GREAT, and I cannot wait to play them.

6. Making It Personal

Personally, I've been handling the game on a more personal level, and not too personal to where it's overbearing, but I mean as in I like to just do traditional fan things that I've done long ago. Watch Minecraft videos, pull out the old Minecraft merch I had from when I was young, listen to the soundtrack, etc.

I haven't felt this attached to Minecraft in SO long, but I am glad it's coming back. I might make this whole thing into a video, but until then, I wanted to make this thread to tell you all how I managed to finally get back in touch with Minecraft.

[glitchedguy]

My thoughts and Opinions on Mass effect 3 first playthrough. (No spoilers please, but this will contain spoilers as it is my experiance)

So. first of all, i know its been a while. but I've been busy with life guff annoyingly. i did start this game after finishing ME2, however... i was influenced a bit to not like this game by nerdcubed as i heard he didn't like this game. which is fair. that's his opinion. so that didn't help. When I played it, i quickly understood why he didn't like it and how all the joy of it was sucked away (and also all the combat was completely trivial) so i took a long ass break from the game. tried it again. this time, i saw that there were difficulty options. Which I'm going to blame the game for never prompting this. i know there are games that don't prompt you at all about difficulty but 95% of games i play do prompt this. so i didn't look for it in the first place. after finally being granted full freedom, i quickly got a mod to just have unlimited fuel because I like that. i do love the new feature of you can only scan a few times before the reapers come for ya. its not hard to outrun them, but its given me a few clench moments of running away. Something the game added which i like and dislike is the weapon weight system. now how it works is that you can only carry a certain weight of items with you through missions. the more weight you have means the less you can use your powers and for a Vanguard, that sucks. but i get why this was done as it adds more strategic thinking and planning involved. but i don't like the weight of some weapons. like, personally, i like running with only 3 weapons. A pistol, and AR, and a Sniper. but snipers are far too heavy to be worth it. so i kinda breeze through at close to mid range. i would be much happier with full choice. i would be fine countering this with what i stated before. but the problem there is that its never clear what kinda environment or enemies I'm facing so i can't properly plan ahead. and i can always rely on my AI teammates either. a small feature i do very much like is that while walking around on the citadel. you can find some people arguing about how best to help the war effort or who is more in the wrong but listening in on the conversation and choosing to interject. for example, you can find this couple arguing about how to best help the war. 1 is saying that they should join the military and take up arms, talking about their friends getting out their weapons that were mainly jsut for show. the other is unsure about the idea. I chose to support the unsure one and Shepard suggested that they could volunteer at medical areas to help there. and they were both down for that. it rewards the player with a small boost in numbers too. its a little thing but i very much like that. also, after trying to dodge DLC spoilers and trying to work out what order I'm supposed to do everything in. i now have all but the citadel dlc spoiled for me (except the ending) so if you're looking to do them and play this game. just do it any order as the dlc was built to be played mid campaign it seems. but the DLC missions are Eden Prime, Dr. Bryson's lab on the citadel, and some other place i haven't unlocked but i know its at the citadel. too.