#I haven't stopped singing Act My Age

[crinkle-eyed-boo]

I'll Still Feel the Same Around You by crinkle-eyed-boo (2.4K, E)

He finds himself wishing that the bedsheet would slip down a few more inches so he could get a good look at Harry’s perfectly pert– Louis’ breath hitches as his cock stirs, suddenly very interested in this train of thought.  Oh.  Oh.  The answer to all of Louis’ troubles is so fucking obvious he can’t believe he didn’t think of it until now.  Nothing puts him to sleep like a good orgasm. 

Louis finds the cure for his insomnia in the form of his husband.

A @wankersday fic

[ilovealonelystar]

10 reasons that made me BJYXSZD

Each video/scene I refer to is linked. Not necessarily in order of importance.

This WYB lovely eyes. OMG HE'S SUCH A CUTIE PIE! I obviously haven't watched ALL videos of WYB interacting with other people, but in the ones I watched, I've never seen, to this day, this look again.

2. This soft WYB "yeah". And this one too. Why was Yibo so cute and lovely that day?

3. XZ jealousy on Happy Camp hahaha SCARY GG.

4. They not moving or looking uncomfortable when they touch each other (excluding some specific times like that one interview when they accidentally brush their fingers and get so shy hahaha)

5. Obviously (almost) every turtle will say that WYB talking non-stop with XZ while everybody else in the world says he doesn't talk. But, besides that, on the behind-the-scenes footage you see that WYB talks a lot with the other cast members, the staff, etc, so this is even more important to me because I believe XZ helped WYB to feel validated and comfortable enough to step out of his shell around him and everybody else that summer.

6. This silly tiny little tidbit when WYB is (super excitedly) saying bye-bye to XZ and saying he'll see him tomorrow and the director makes that suspicious "hummmm....... uhuhuh" pointing his finger to him like when you're talking to your crush and your friend keeps teasing you.

7. I know they stare into each other eyes A LOT but there are some special scenes, like this one on the day of WYB bday when XZ sings Kepler (and WYB sings a tiny bit of Nan Hai)... the way they look at each other sends a shiver down my spine.

8. XZ gifting WYB a helmet on his bday. They are always hitting each other, screaming, poking, cursing, etc etc etc the whoooole time during the behind-the-scenes footage but the way GG talks here is so so so lovely. And WYB being a tiny lil' baby so excited and happy with his gift.

9. !!SKIP THIS ONE IF YOU'RE A "DEVIL'S TIMELINE" BELIEVER!! (maybe I'll skip it myself) Based on what they say, they never talked to each other before the script reading and WYB is always claiming he's a slow starter with strangers but... even at the script reading DD is already making jokes, laughing like a gremlin, GG touching DD's back... (is this slow? 😏) so I think they really hit if off with each other since day 01.

10. WYB never said (that I'm aware of) he thinks of XZ as a brother to him, always refers as a "good friend". I don't know if this one is a bit of a stretch, but I think it's ~at least~ odd how he never ever said XZ is like a brother to him due to their age gap, or the way they are so silly together, or even because XZ helped him a lot with his acting during TU shooting.

**Bonus: based on my own life experience (I met my husband 19 years ago due to our shared love for a specific hard rock band), I think it's so cute this ~kinda early~ behind-the-scenes part, when they are still a bit shy and awkward around each other, and WYB starts singing Hello Kitty by Avril Lavigne and XZ is like "wow! do you know this too?" and then they spend the rest of that shooting singing/humming some Avril's songs 🥺 I think their shared love for Avril Lavigne, Blackpink?, k-pop, and music in general, helped them bond a lot.

[st4rb3rries]

OMG I LOVED UR STAN AND KYLE BSF HEADCANNONS!! Can i req one with the main four, like what its like to be in a group w/ them?? have an amazing day <33

BEING IN A FRIEND GROUP WITH SOUTH PARKS MAIN 4

pairings; stan, kyle, kenny, cartman x fem!reader (all aged up 18+)

summary; chaotic friend group hc's!

warnings; cussing

a/n; hi and ty hope you have an amazing day too!!

key colors; blue= stan green= kyle orange= kenny red= cartman pink= reader

late night skate boarding with them. it's always cartman who texts you guys to go. in reality he only wants to go to just to start shit. in my opinion kenny is the best skater out of y'all. but cartman is the worst💀. "you guys you guys look im gonna go down the ramp!!" "cartman that isn't a good idea your not ready-" "WAAAAAHHHHH" laughter is coming out from you, stan, and kenny. kyle wants to laugh but he ain't risking it😭. "GAWDAMMIT KYLE IM BEAT YOUR J-" cartman stops himself because he knows damn well not to rip on kyle in front of you. so he switches up real fast 🙄. "you guys i seriously think i broke a bone" "whatever cartman you just switched up cause you know y/n would kick your ass" 5 minutes kenny is teaching you, stan, and kyle a trick. "ok so next you gotta-" "get a room lovebirds i mean come on🙄" "CARTMAN STFU!!" "yeah dude stay mad because your not psychically able to do any of this🥱" this all happens in less than 15 minutes, like why can't y'all just be a nice friend group😭. moments later stan was about to go off a ramp. UNTIL HIS WHEELS BROKE OFF THE SKATEBOARD. i wonder who unscrewed them..... "AAAUAGHHHHHH" "DON'T WORRY STAN I GOTCHU!!" and there he was, stanly marsh in your arms. "W rizz stan or nah😏" stan could feel his face heating up fr. "damn dude that should've been me not stan😔" "kenny shut the hell up💀" "wait a minute where's cartman he literally almost killed stan tf????" cartman isn't trying to get his ass kicked in front of people so he ditched and went home. classic cartman.

karaoke night. you guys are definitely singing 2000's songs. but it always seems like you guys get interrupted no matter what. karaoke night was started by cartman, which is so surprising?? "I WANNA HOLD'EM LIKE THEY DO IN TEXAS, PLEASE" "FOLD'EM LET'EM HIT ME RAISE IT BABY STAY WITH M-" stan and kyle always hating cause you and cartman sound a little too good. "BOOO GET OFF THE STAGE" "YA MY EARS ARE BLEEDING" "OH FUCK OFF GUYS LET US SING" "you guys have been singing this same song for 2 hours bruh😭" "2 minutes kenny get it right" they just hating cause they can't handle real talent. sometimes when the karaoke gets intense you guys act like judges for americas got talent💀. "is this kenny mccormick from south park colorado?" "yes" "and what will you be doing today?" "YOUR MOM AHAHA" "disqualified poor people can't seem to have talent" "CARTMAN WTF" "NEXT" "no wait i'll sing with him" "oh god" if kyle and stan think you and cartman sound a little too good. JUST WAIT UNTIL THEY HERE YOU AND KENNY. "THIS ONE IS FOR THE BOYS WITH THE BOOMIN SYSTEM" "TOP DOWN AC WITH THE COOLER SYSTEM" super bass by nicki minaj is y'alls go to song. every time you guys finish that song your out of breath and laugh so much😭. "AND THE CROWD GUYS MILD🔥" "NEXT" "cartman we are done playing americas got talent" "dude let me and kyle sing next we haven't sung at all🥹" "fine" "ah hell nah it better not be anything emo💀" *30 seconds later every one starts singing* "BUT IM A CREEP" "IM A WERIDO" "WHAT THE HELL AM I DOIN' HERE" "I DON'T BELONG HERE" suddenly the tv, microphones, and speaker goes out?? "LISTEN UP BITCHES IM NOT HAVING AN ALCOHOLIC, A JEW, A FATHERLESS DAUGHTER, AND A HOMELESS POOR BOY SING RADIOHEAD AT MY HOUSE‼️‼️" guess who got jumped that night🤔???

[emilybeemartin]

Ok ok ok ok listen. Because I have anxiety I feel it's my duty to say that this show won't be for everyone. I came to it over quarantine because my husband suggested we read Bernard Cornwell's series together, and I agreed because I liked Hornblower and knew this was the army equivalent and, let's face it, I wanted to see scruffy mid-thirties Sean Bean in uniform.

THE PREMISE:

Richard Sharpe is a lowborn rank-and-file soldier in the 95th Rifles during the Napoleonic Wars who is raised to an officer after saving Sir Arthur Wellesley's life (this all happens differently in the books, but the basic event is the same). Throughout the series, he rises in the ranks thanks to his bravery and heroism/recklessness, but he's always caught between two worlds--trying to be a leader of common men while never being accepted by the rest of the highborn officers.

Let's start with the bad:

CONS:

Look, this is a 90s drama glorifying the British army. So like, there are gonna be issues. Women are mostly romantic side pieces to be wooed and rescued, and there are plenty of subplots, verbiage, and stereotypes that didn't age well. Production values are low for the first few and so you've got battle scenes with like fifteen guys and a horse, which honestly I find endearing. But no episode is more cringey than Sharpe's Gold. Due to legal issues, the script had to be rewritten with none of the original material, and it turned into this bizarro semi-supernatural horror involving Aztec gold (in Spain, yes). It's completely different from all the other episodes, and even Sean Bean didn't like it (he called it a "mish mash," which is true). It's such a weird piece of work that we almost stopped watching the show, but we continued, and we were relieved to find that the rest of the series is markedly better. History Hack podcast does a great dive into why this episode was so whack.

PROS:

I MEAN COME ON

Sean really understood this character--absolute chaos on the battlefield and shy and awkward pretty much everywhere else. He's amazing in battle scenes and he's EPIC at acting wounded. But the scenes I replay over and over are when he's socially out of his depth and gets flustered and sputtery and so Sheffield the captions can't handle it.

Supporting cast:

You'll find a lot of your classic British TV favorites making appearances throughout this series, and the camaraderie among the riflemen is always fun. Obviously this is a dude fest, as stated above, but some of the women are also written and acted really, really well--- Assumpta Serna as Teresa is that winning combination of a love interest/action heroine who doesn't devolve into a damsel in distress, and even passes the Bechdel test on a few occasions. And Diana Perez as Ramona is so badass and enjoyable.

Locations: Aside from a few interior sets, these films are mostly shot outside on location, with practical effects and stunts. There's some gorgeous scenery of the Crimean peninsula standing in for Spain and Portugal, and it's just really fun watching these guys run around rocky escarpments and fields with flares and stage explosives going off around them.

Music: I saw someone tag the opening theme as "electric guitar jumpscare" and they're not wrong. It's wonderfully anachronistic and totally 90s and you'll never get used to it. But far better are the soldiers' songs John Tams threads throughout, as well as his and Muldowney's thematic scores, and you will always, always finish an episode with him singing "Over the Hills and Far Away" stuck in your head.

Filming Lore: There was a LOT that happened during filming. Everything from Paul McGann having to drop out as the lead to misadventures in filming in Crimea just after the collapse of the Soviet Union. History Hack podcast has an awesome series of "filming of" episodes with input from cast, crew, and historians, and Jason Salkey (Rifleman Harris) has a book called "From Crimea With Love" that details the batshit filming adventures. I haven't read it but he references it every six minutes throughout the podcasts.

So: you've been warned, you've been primed. Start with Sharpe's Rifles; it's on Youtube. Watch it and Eagle, maybe jump to Battle or Siege if you're not sure, and then make up your mind.

If this all sounds enjoyable to you, but you wish there were more tall ships, more Paul McGann, more heroic brooding, and even MORE true love cosplaying as masculine camaraderie, you're in luck! Because you should also watch Hornblower!

And then draw fan art of it all! Please,,, I am so lon el y

[dannystheone]

Welcome home!!! So exciting to hear from you again!

Can I ask what your South Park fic is going to be? Who’s the lee/ler?

Thank you so much! I still can't believe it lmao

Sure! I decided to just put the fic here lol

I had this idea over deployment and I kicked myself cause why didn't I think of it before lol

Here is the mash-up song that is referenced in the fic! I know super last year LMAO stop I haven't been here

also sorry if my formatting is weird and my writing is rusty it's obviously been a while but I hope you enjoy it nonetheless :)

WARNINGS: Cursing, references to SH (self harm) and drinking

Which Song? (Lee/Ler Jersey Shore Kyle/ Lee/Ler Goth Stan) (aged up)

Jersey Shore!Kyle and Goth!Stan are having a sleepover and decided to pull out the karaoke for this one! But which song can they agree on despite their differing tastes?

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Hey, Stan. Stan- Stan. Watch me." Stan looked up begrudgingly to Kyle with one pierced eyebrow raised expectantly. Well, it was a stud glued on to his skin, but he would never admit it. Stan watched as Kyle flipped his black cap backward on his head and donned stylish black shades.

Kyle adopted a stance that showed off his lean yet toned torso and picked up his phone to start taking selfies. Wearing a tight white tank top and Elmo pajama bottoms that hung off his hips, Stan was his complete opposite dressed in all baggy blacks and grays.

"What? I'm watching you make thirst traps? You're gross." Stan rolled his eyes and looked back down at his phone. Alt TikTok was his current addiction. Anyone who danced on Tik-Tok like mindless zombies were posers.

Kyle snorted at his best friend and crossed the room to throw his arm over Stan's shoulders and snapped a photo. It came out blurry as Stan struggled in his grip.

"Ah come on Stan, you're no fun anymore. Come on, you can sing with me." Stan shoved Kyle off as Kyle was already moving to the karaoke machine. Kyle pressed a button on the machine that booted up a song immediately. Kyle tipped his shades down to look at Stan with green-tinted eyes as he pointed at Stan with one hand and held a microphone with his other as the first notes of his song began to play. Stan rolled his eyes once more as he scratched near his eyelid, shedding black eyeshadow in the process.

"Hey, baby girl, what you doin' tonight? I wanna see what you got in stooore~ Giving it your all when you're dancing on me-" Kyle rocked his hips in tune with the music which Stan stifled both a groan and a blush at the same time at that; very confusing.

-"I wanna see if you can gimme some more~ You can be my girl and I can be your man, and we can pump this jam however you waaant~ Pump it from the side pump it upside down-" Kyle lifted one leg onto the couch and started humping the air in tune to the song, to which Stan stood up abruptly and crashed into him to get him to stop.

"Alright alright alright! Quit it!" Stan clicked a button on the machine that paused the song, silence filling its place. Kyle tsked, disappointed as he threw his arms up.

"Dude it was getting good, what the fuck?! Turn it back on." Kyle pressed the button to turn the song back on, but the machine didn't respond. Kyle pressed it a few more times, to no avail, and kicked it out of frustration. "This shit's gahbage. Need to get a new one, it's been acting up lately."

"Or the machine just doesn't want to play your shitty-ass song. Here, I'll show you what real music is. Not this disgusting Disney pop trash." Stan programmed the machine to play a new song, and snagged the microphone from Kyle, but not without a flirtatious wink from Kyle first. Stan's cheeks burned an uncharacteristic red as the first few notes of the song began to play. He began to sing.

"Hey scene slut, I'm still cutting tonight. That's why my wrists are so sooore~" Kyle gave Stan a bewildered look as Stan kept going.

"I know you got a boyfriend, but you're a whore. Everybody drinking, shot glasses on the floor. We be clubbing all night, gimme some more-" Now it was Kyle's turn to shut off the machine. Stan petered out the last few words without the song's help and whirled around to face Kyle.

"Hey, what the hell? It was getting to the good part!" Stan asked angrily. Kyle put his hands on his hips and motioned to Stan.

"You call that music? They're talking about cutting themselves and whores for Christ's sake!" Kyle rose his voice while adjusting his shades, which riled Stan up as well.

"What about your song with you humping the damn air? That's not inappropriate?! Turn it back on, I said." Stan reached to turn the music back on the machine, but Kyle gripped his wrist before he could make it. Stan attempted to wrench his hand back but Kyle kept a firm hold on him.

"Hell no. We either listen to my music or not. I'm not catching your depression from your emo My Chemical Romance crap." That was Stan's final straw. With a growl, Stan launched himself at Kyle and took him to the floor. Kyle's shades and cap were knocked off his head as Stan straddled his hips. Stan knew he'd have to take the advantage as soon as possible because he did NOT have a physical advantage over Kyle. It was a part of the Jersey aesthetic for men to be ripped, and Kyle was indeed that while Stan was...not.

So Stan tore down Kyle's defenses the only way he knew how. Stan started scribbling his fingers in between the spaces of Kyle's lower ribs and sides; Kyle already bubbling up in laughter as he wriggled on the carpet.

"My music is not Emo you wanna-be Jersey Shore copycat. It's better than anything you've ever played!" Stan yelled, his black lipstick staining the corners of his mouth. It's been a while since he touched up his makeup, but that would have to wait. He would have to teach this lesson to Kyle quick before he tried any retaliation.

Kyle's red hair splayed on the carpet as he laughed and tried to grab Stan's wrists. "Pffmt- Stahahan! Stohohop thahat!" Funnily enough, in his laughing fit, his Jersey accent mysteriously disappeared. Kyle's eyes squinted as his smile took up his face; Stan's hand spidering his hard stomach. How could he have this many abs and still be so sensitive, Stan thought distantly.

"No, this is the only way you'll listen. You're not only calling my music Emo, but you also called it crap." Stan's next point was drowned out by Kyle's outpour of laughter as Stan kneaded an exceptionally mean thumb in Kyle's bare hip divet. Wearing his pajama pants so low had its consequences. Kyle's eyes were screwed shut as he was temporarily too weak to fight back."STAhahahan! Gehehehet ohohohoff!" Kyle yelled out and wriggled like a worm on a hook.

"Hmph, your fault for wearing your pants so low. I mean, who does that? It's like you're asking for this to happen. This is why your music and fashion tastes are questionable at best. See, if you would pay attention to any of the Goth Tiktoks I send you, we'd agree a lot more often." Stan grew way too comfortable with the situation in his position. He attempted to hold both of Kyle's wrists in one of his hands, which Kyle easily broke out of.

Kyle's hand shot out to start squeezing the closest part of Stan to him. It was Stan's knee that was exposed through his baggy jeans. Stan yelped and folded to the side, crumbling easily. Kyle popped up and dove in, causing Stan to shriek. Kyle's face was flushed and his curls bounced around his forehead while his fingers squished and kneaded into his best friend.

"W-Wahahait wahait waihait! No nohoho no I'm SAH-! I'm sohohohrry!" Stan fought to bring his knees up to his belly to protect himself, but Kyle found weak spots all over him. He squished Stan's sides, which made Stan cover his sides, and when his hands were out of the way he kneaded into his hips, causing him to squeal.

"Oh, talk about my accent leaving? You raised 3 octaves in your voice! I've never heard you so loud. You know maybe if you spoke up more often, I'd actually care about your opinion on my tastes." Kyle swung a leg around Stan's thighs to force one of them down and attacked his belly with one hand. Stan's tummy was definitely softer than Kyle's, with some chub around his belly button. Which just so happens to be ridiculously ticklish. Stan yelped as Kyle repeatedly squished the patch of chub over and over again.

"KYhyhyhyhle! Stohohohop stohohop stop! Nohohot thehehere!" Kyle was unfazed at his best friend's reaction. He knew when Stan really needed it to stop, and he wasn't nearly there yet.

"Huh, I wonder what would happen if I recorded this and sent it to your uppity black-clothed douchebag friends. You think they would kick you out of their dick-sucking club- GAH!" Stan didn't know how he did it, but he managed to wrench his grip out of Kyle's hold and shoved his hand up Kyle's armpit and started to scribble.

"Youhohohou ahahahasshole! Gehehehet ohohout of thehehere!" Kyle winced as Stan rose higher and shook his hand in the sensitive spot.

"Yeah? Well what if I recorded this and sent it to your orange spray-tanned "5-seconds-of-fame" seeking asshole friends and show them what a poser you are? I'm sure anyone THIS incredibly ticklish couldn't fit in-" Kyle reached forward and gripped Stan's hip and started to knead. Stan fell backward on the carpet of the living room like a felled tree. Kyle smirked at how easy it was to disarm his friend.

"You're one to talk aren't you, huh Cabbage? Well, you won't be talking in a second." Kyle's chain escaped his tank top as he thrust forward and started squishing into Stan's belly. Stan shrieked a manly sound as he started to curl up into his defensive ball.

"Shuhu-ahahaha! Shuhuhuhut uhuhuhup!" Stan yelled out. Kyle snorted at Stan's attempt at being intimidating. Stan reached out and did what he could. Kyle's chain glinted in his eye as he grabbed the cross and yanked it off Kyle's neck. Stan kept it in a tight grip in his fist and raised it above his head.

Now it was Kyle's turn to roll his eyes as he simply started scratching his fingers in Stan's armpit. Stan instinctively shot his elbow down to save himself as Kyle attempted to pry his fingers open.

"Give that back asshole! It's my only Ed Hardy chain!" As Kyle was distracted trying to get his chain back, Stan reached forward and scribbled his fingers in Kyle's ribs. Kyle winced as he tried his hardest to ignore it, but he couldn't ignore his side getting squished. Kyle let go of Stan's hand and angrily squished Stan's kneecap to get back at him, to which Stan yelped and kicked his leg out reflexively. His Converse-covered foot kicked the glitchy karaoke machine.

Both Stan and Kyle stopped respectively at the loud clank; their hearts beating wildly in their chests. The machine made some whirring sounds, like recording and re-recording and wires getting crossed. Suddenly, a song started to play. The last two songs that were recently played on the machine glitched into one melody.

"Hey baby girl what you doin' tonight?"

"Hey scene slut, I'm still cutting tonight."

"I wanna see what you got in stooore~"

"That's why my wrists are so sooore~"

Kyle looked to Stan; his makeup smeared and his hair tousled. He lost his beanie somewhere in the fight. Stan looked to Kyle, his tank top half drug up and his hair a mess. Stan silently handed Kyle over his chain and shrugged his shoulders.

"This song actually..." Stan started.

"...sounds pretty fucking good." Kyle finished. They both smirked at each other, everything wordlessly forgiven as it always was since they were kids, and picked up the microphone, where they proceeded to sing their hearts out for the rest of the night.

[emo-queer-boi]

I think is because of comments like this that Im more heartbroken over Shane doing this than the others, now don't get me wrong I'm not part of the "shane was pushed into doing this by the two evil greedy guys he calls friends" (which btw reeks of racism) the fact that I'm not part of it makes it more sad to me, because I Know he decided to do this, he knows how hard it is to just buy groceries nowadays, not even getting specific into the age group of most of the fans.

I simply can't afford it, I had originally written a whole paragraph about my situation rn and went into a lot of over sharing about really tragic things but I really don't Have to, I can't afford it, and thats that, and it's an understatement to say I've been through many situations where I haven't been able to afford stuff that would have helped my mental health but they were too on the side of "wants" and not "needs"

So no, I'm not upset over this because "boo hoo I dont want to spend money/I'm not used to not getting things I want for free." I'm upset over this and it feels like a slap in the face when it comes from someone like Shane, who says stuff like this that makes me and others think he gets it enough to not put all his future content behind a paywall when so many of us find it comfort content

I know a lot of us are mostly blaming Steven for this, and bringing up stuff about his life like the tesla or food habits and all that, but I beg you guys to see that as big of a shitty thing it is to be out of touch and oblivious about how much your audience can take, I consider it honestly just as bad if not worse to Know and still do it

No I don't think Shane is rich, or at the same level as a famous actor or that charging us 6 dollars for future content is the same level of tone deaf and pretentiousness as celebrities singing Imagine during the pandemic

Another disclaimer: I'm pretty fucking priviledge when it comes to money that my parents can pay for me to have all the necessities to not only survive nowadays but actually enjoy it with certain comforts, I still can't afford it, so I really don't want to think about how people that don't have my privileges feel about this

All in all, shitty fucking decision with understandable reasons pushing it to happen, I don't think any content creator wants to depend on YouTube deciding on giving them sponsors that magically go with the video they're supporting

But please stop acting like Shane isn't a grown man that is aware of not only everything he has stood for in the past but the way things have gotten worse lately for I would say 99% of us

[redgoldsparks]

April Reading and Reviews by Maia Kobabe

I post my reviews throughout the month on Storygraph and Goodreads, and do roundups here and on patreon. Reviews below the cut.

Mammoths at the Gates by Nghi Vo, read by Cindy Kay

Cleric Chih returns home to the Singing Hills Abbey after years of wandering and collecting stories. They are shocked to see two war mammoths and a squad of soldiers at the gates, camped out and demanding something. But the Abbey is nearly empty- almost all clerics left on a mission to preserve the history of a nearby destroyed town. And the title of Acting Divine has fallen on unlikely shoulders- one of Chih's childhood friends. Now a difficult decision will be left in under-prepared hands. This might be my favorite installment of the series yet!

Bad Dream by Nicole Maines and Rye Hickman

Nia is a trans teen living on earth, but her mother is from another world. Nia may or may not be able to tell the future, a power her sister desperately craves. But the real magic she finds in this story is trans community and friendship! The dream sequences and the queer ballroom scene in this book particularly shine; the story would probably have hit me harder if I'd seen the TV show Nia debuted in, but I haven't. Do check this out if you are familiar with Dreamer on the Supergirl TV show.

Spear by and read by Nicola Griffith (re-listen)

I loved Nicola Griffith Hild, and was highly anticipating this one; it did not disappoint! I listened to the audiobook was completely drawn into the lyrical language and the magic of this Arthurian legend retelling. The story opens with a girl born and raised in a wild valley by a mother who is sometimes loving, wise, and overflowing with stories and other times depressed, fearful, and vacant. The girl knows that something terrible happened to her mother in the past; it has something to do with her birth and the beautiful enamel bowl that sits over the fire in the cave they shelter in. But the girl is too delighted by the world, and too curious about the plants, animals, and humans who live in the valley to dwell on it. She grows in strength and skill; visions and gut feelings draw her to collect armor and repair weapons, and eventually set out south towards King Arthur's court. There she stumbles into a story that was started long before she was born, but in which she will play a vital part. I absolutely loved this, it's deeply queer, and I highly recommend it! Re-listened in 2024 and enjoyed it all over again.

The Empress of Salt and Fortune by Nghi Vo, read by Cindy Kay (re-listen)

Beautiful, mysterious, queer, and surprisingly moving for such a short story. I listened to the audiobook (which is only 2.5 hours) and I was riveted the whole time. Chih, a nonbinary traveling cleric-historian, is on the way to the capital city to record the beginning of the new Empress's reign. But with the coming of the new ruler, many historical sites which had previously been sealed are now re-opened. Chih can't resist a stop at Lake Scarlet, where the previous Empress lived for a brief time in exile. Chih finds one last living servant of the previous Empress still tending the house, and they begin learning more and more stories and secrets about the exile. I highly recommend this story, and the audiobook in particular. Re-listened in 2024, and this time was able to even more full appreciate the twists and turns of this story. It's quite subtle and rewards a second listen.

Homebody by Theo Parish

The warm, affirming, gentle, honest story of a nonbinary gender journey. Easy to read, beautifully illustrated, very accessible, this is truly a book for everyone. By the end of the story, Theo felt like a friend. From now on, whenever anyone asks me for an "all ages version of Gender Queer" I'll just be handing them this book instead. I got to read and blurb an advance copy of this; very excited for it to hit shelves on April 25 2024!

Blood of Dragons by Robin Hobb

I got through this book fairly quickly, even though it's about the same quality level as the previous book in the series. It has a fair amount of action and payoffs. I liked learning more of the secrets and history of Kelsingra, and I'm curious about the future of the new Elderling and dragon settlement. But I don't understand why this series has 4 books instead of the usual 3; there just isn't enough plot to sustain four books. I wish books 1 and 2 had been condensed into one and much of the angsty teen drama cut out. I just don't enjoy when Hobb writes from multiple POVs the same way I enjoy her single POV books; I don't love any of these characters the way I love Fitz and the people in his life.

Yotsuba vol 9 by Kiyohiko Azuma

Just as silly and charming as ever. The big adventure in this volume is a day watching hot air balloons.

Blue Flag vol 1 by Kaito 

The set up for this story is very standard: teens in high school dealing with crushes, friendship, and figuring out their sexuality. But the execution is so skillful that it elevates what could be a really generic or heavy handed tale into something that felts very deft and true. I'm not usually one to pick up a love triangle/quadrangle but I had a great time with this one and will likely read more. I just hope the closeted queer characters don't end up with tragic rejections!

Witch Hat Atelier vol 11 by Kamome Shirahama

I liked that this volume focused more closely on Coco and Agott's friendship and creative practice! I like when this story is about the witch students! I don't love that it continues introducing 3-6 new characters in every volume. Also, this one felt like it was 1 chapter shorter than the normal size for this series.

I Heard Her Call My Name written and read by Lucy Sante 

I picked this autobiography up after hearing Lucy Sante's interview on the podcast Gender Reveal and really enjoyed it. Sante came out as trans at age 67 after a lifetime of repressing her gender feelings and knowledge of carrying a weighty secret. Sante came to New York City as an immigrant from Belgium as a young child, and grew up bilingual, bicultural, and poetically inclined. This book weaves together near daily updates of the year her egg cracked and her early transition with memories of her childhood, teen years, and young adulthood in a cheap, dirty, punk, bohemian NYC which no longer exists. This window into the past is gorgeously narrated but might read mildly infuriating, depending on how much rent you are currently paying or how much you've struggled to break into the publishing industry. I devoured the audiobook in nearly one sitting.

The Yakuza’s Bias vol 1 by Teki Yatsuda (re-read)

Yakuza member Ken Kanashiro's life is changed when the daughter of the clan leader he works for takes him along to a kpop concert. Ken is moved by the kpop idol group's commitment, hard work, passion, and loyalty to each other and their fans. His introduction to fandom, and new social media friends, bring a breath of fresh air into his violent and dangerous life... and like most fervent fans, he starts trying to convince the people around him to stan the group to greater or lesser success. This manga series is very much in the same tone as Way of the House Husband but I appreciated the slightly longer chapters and the growing ensemble cast. It's a silly concept but with moments of genuine feeling as it shows how loving something can connect you to a whole new community. Edit on a second read: I got more out of the jokes on a second pass!

The Yakuza’s Bias vol 2 by Teki Yatsuda 

The main joke of this series is the contrast between super-serious yakuza Ken Kanashiro's usual poker face and the way he passionately emotes when either watching or talking about his kpop idol bias. This is a fun series, full of in-jokes and a developing cast of quirky side characters. One of my favorites is Megumi, the mafia boss's daughter who initially introduced Ken to kpop and laments not being able to understand her favs, but claims she is "too busy stanning to study Korean."

[magpiemoon6]

Love me in the dark

(Chapter one)

Dbf Simon “ Ghost” Riley x OC

Word count - 2113

Summary - she’s worse than nicotine, he’s someone she should never want. Let the chaos begin.

Theme - smut, angst, fluff

Warnings - swearing, smoking, violence, mentions of trauma, age gap (12 years) , bit of enemies to lovers, so much smut

Written by - me and my friend!!!

Hope you all enjoy it was our first time writing a fanfic!!! 💗💗💗

Do I want to be here? No. Do I have to go to my dad's wedding? No but that means confrontation and fuck that shit.

Shimming the fuel pump in my hand, I pop it back, thinking about how I’m going to survive a week of family I haven’t seen since I was 15. The honking wakes me from planning to light myself on fire with the fuel in front.

“Va bene!! Sto andando!! Vaffanculo!!” (alright I’m moving ,fuck off!! ) I respond, hopping back into my car. Scanning the radio my eyes catch the time. Being late will not help my situation, I hit the accelerator and I lurch forward. I’m so fucked when I get to the villa. Moving the car towards the exit, my eyes keep flickering back to the time, I have zero excuses for being late. I literally live here unlike everyone else. My heart almost stops as a truck swerves out at the same time and scratches my car. Swearing everything under the sun I turn to glare at the twat. He’s already beat me to it; his eyes pierce mine with a sense of coldness that stays in my chest. The bastard is the one to hit me, yet he’s angry? What a pig! I am way too late to deal with this. Not that it's going to stop me from yelling some absurd insult at him before I go. Mr. Scary seems to have lost his mind and goes to get out of his car to yell at me. Slamming my foot on the accelerator again I bomb it out of the petrol station. Leaving the bloke who can’t drive in the dust.

———————————————————————

My heart is thundering in my ears, I can’t do this. Seeing a man who I haven’t seen in years now happy with his new wife and life. The shock that the invitation in the mail even came still confuses me. Why bother inviting your kid just because she now lives near the place you're getting married at? So, I am stuck because I still love him even though I want to strangle him with my anger. But that’s not what adults do so for the next week I will smile and lie and act okay.

Stepping out of my car I hurry towards the door that has become the epiphany of hell. Trying to sneak past family members is no longer an option. I begrudgingly plaster a stupid smile on my face and respond to their words all the same. With a constant stream of questions, “Maevis gosh how old are you now?” 25.

“No partner?” No. “Such a shame, you’re such a pretty girl, why don’t you date?” oh you know I’m just not ready. Complete lie.

“What work do you do again dear?” oh I’m between things right now. Another lie. Breaking away from the gawking, I wander aimlessly trying to find- or avoid, I haven't decided- my father in the garden and his fiancé. I can’t even hate her, she’s too sweet, too loving, she deserves better than him.

“Maevy?” I know that voice from anywhere. I turn to face him. He’s aged. I can see that the once black hair is entirely grey now with wrinkles deepening his surprise. Turning he stares shocked for a split second until he lumbers towards reaching for a hug. I’m squished and I can’t breathe, I love hugs but with him it feels like I’m hugging a stranger.

“You’re here?” he says conflictingly as if the person in his arms isn’t his daughter, but a sort of myth that was forgotten for a time. I feel like an exotic bird in a petting zoo. Letting me go, my dad introduces me to his soon to be wife Sofie. Her sweet perfume of roses gives her twinkling eyes a friendly face squeezing my arm reassuringly.

“So Maevy I want to introduce you to the wedding party”, my Dad boasts pulling me along towards more people. Fuck me gently with a chainsaw. The long line of bridesmaids and groomsmen, then the maid of honour. Every single one of them is sweet but reminds me of people that are just about to go through a midlife crisis.

“Ah, here comes my best man, Maevis sweetie, to meet Simon Riley,” Dad says, turning us to see him.

He is so much younger than everyone else, he must be in his late thirties at most. And he’s way too hot for my dad’s friend. But then it clicks, and panic surges me. It’s Mr. Scary from the petrol station. For fucks sake.

Moving closer Mr. Can’t Drive extends his hand to me, he is so much taller than me. I probably look ridiculous with my mouth open. “… Cat got your tongue,” The way his arms are covered in tattoos winding up the exposed skin that’s littered with white scars, distracting from his insult.

“How was the drive here?” He smirks, as he holds my hand, taking it slowly to his lips keeping his eyes on mine. I want to punch his pretty face, smug bastard.

“Fine, only some dickhead scratched my car,” I quip holding his stare. I'm trying not to laugh in his face but his pissed off look is making it hard. “I’m going to go to my room and unpack maybe have a nap” I turn to my dad grinning, moving away from them all as I wave and speed up. Still a tiny victory over him.

———————————————————————

The warm water from the shower drowns out any thoughts, washing away my annoyance. I can avoid people until the morning and blame it on a long drive. Meaning I also don’t have to deal with him. The shower is fogging up my thoughts and I don’t want to leave. For an old villa the water pressure is heavenly.

Clattering from the kitchen, brings me out of bliss and straight to panic. It happens again and I begin to contemplate my life choices. Turning off the shower and wrapping myself in a towel, I grab the long wooden loofah, in fairness it’s that or the lavender shampoo. My blood pumps too quickly as I open the doors to the lounge area. The clattering is coming from the kitchen side, panicking. I run out to hit the creep with the loofa. The stranger spins so fast and catches it mid air along with me and pushes me down to the marble floor. The cold stone shocks me even more at who it was. “Why are you in my room?” seeing the creeps face only to find Simons.

His body on top of mine holding me in place with a hand on my arm with my weapon holding it firmly above my head. The other searing through the fluffy towel near my hip. I’m stuck in just a towel under my dad’s best friend, what type of shitty karma do I have.

“I’m not going to repeat myself again, love” he murmurs, staring at me. Breathing becomes harder. All I can smell is him. Cigarettes and cologne.

“It’s my room, asshole!” I snap back, I need to get away from him, my skin is on fire from where he’s touching me which feels like everywhere. Wiggling to try to free myself, he grunts forcing my eyes back on him as his hand under my head moves to hold my waist.

“Stop,” he warns.

“Then get off you bloody giant” I quip, he rolls off me. As the words leave my mouth like a reality check.

Moving to stand holding my towel for dear life I glare at him as he stands. Slowly his eyes inspect my attire.

“What the actual fuck are you doing in my room Simon, get out” my voice rises, I’m not losing my room to a oaf with bad driving skills.

“I’m making a cuppa in the kitchen attached to my room,” he points to the door opposite of my room.

Fuck.

“No, no, this is my room. Not yours. I’m talking to my dad” turning straight for the door.

“Such a goddamn daddy’s girl. Christ'' he mutters.

This arrogant mother… breathe. My hands squeeze into fists, and I can’t calm down, he is driving me insane, and I’ve only known him for less than one day. And I am way too petty.

“Fine since my dad taught me to share with the less fortunate, we can share the lounge space. Stay away from me and i'll do the same for you.” Turning and folding my arms, smirking as I watch his face frown. We both stare at each other, the tension builds and for a split second I watch his eyes to my towel and back to me. And during that minuscule second the tension isn’t full of anger.

“Done” he grunts and takes his tea to go outside onto the shared balcony. Leaving me with my heart in my throat.

———————————————————————

Simon:

She is such a brat. How can someone so fucking small be such a big pain in the ass? I need to smoke something to settle my mind before I go back and end up arguing with her. My hands automatically find the box of cigs in my back pocket. Inhaling deeply as I light the end of a small light glows comfortingly. The harsh burn on the tip of my thumb keeps me steady, the heavy tobacco fills my lungs with warm sweet nicotine. But I can’t stop my mind from thinking about her. I’m reaching to call soap before I can think of the consequences of telling him about her.

“Aye what do ya want LT.? Missed me already ya sap?” Johnny's voice teases me through the line. Gripping the phone, it’s been five seconds, and he is making me rethink life decisions such as this phone call.

“Will you fuck off? I’m in a pissy mood as it is Johnny” huffing back. She is making me go mad if she is leading me to call this ugly mug.

“Do I wanna ken?” Johnny questions, moving closer to the speaker and from the sounds of it away from a toaster.

“English Johnny” I groan, dreading when we start work again. No matter how long I’ve worked with him, his accent doesn’t make sense. I’m pretty sure when he’s drunk he’s summoning something.

“Do I wanna know?” Nosey bastard as he is, he would nag me to tell him unless I jump the balcony.

“Paul’s kid, turns out she is a 25 year old brat who I have to share living space with.” I groan realising the reality of the situation, I am stuck for five days with her.

Eruptions of laughter break through the line and if there was a moment for the ability to punch Johnny through a phone to be possible I would want it to be now.

“Dinnae be dour, is the lass pretty?” Christ the bloke only thinks with his dick I swear.

“The fuck does that have with….she’s a pain johnny, this is becoming worse than our last mission,”

“So that’s a yes” soaps laughter is starting to grate my gears.

“What da ya do to the wee bonnie to ‘ate the likes of you then?” he inquires, the bastard knows me and my shitty driving, already prepared to mock me.

“I lightly grazed her convertible on the way here,” muttering, my thoughts move back to the bump and cringe at the very action.

“You fuckin’ nob no wonda she ates ya guts mate,” Soap mocks as if I am not aware of my own stupid decisions.

“I’m going now,” I’m done with this conversion, I can't deal with him reminding me how stupid I was since now I have her talking my ear off about it a few feet away.

“I like her” I can tell Johnny’s shoulders are shaking with laughter over my misfortune, I’m leaving him the next mission I swear.

“Fuck off Johnny”

His laughter is still in my ears as I cut the line. He isn’t wrong, as frustrating she is, God she is beautiful. Her grin is in my head like a spell, and I want to erase it. I need to erase it, for my sanity. She is my mate’s kid and also annoying as fuck. The cig burns my hands again as it dies in my grasp. Sucking in the tobacco, I need it to remove the memory of her. To wipe away any thoughts of what she would look like with my hand around her neck and my cock deep inside her. Fuck’s sake.

[dira333]

Courage - Cameron Klein x Reader

for Tay's writing challenge - @thesoftdumbass

I haven't written for MCU in about 5 years, but I realized I entered a writing challenge and never submitted my piece. And since I am a hardcore people pleaser, I could not let that slide. So, almost 4 years to late, I present to you:

Prompt: “And if tomorrow it’s all over, at least we had it for a moment”

Cameron remembers it like it was yesterday.

Sitting on a park bench next to you, hands clammy with sweat as the lights of the city twinkle all around.

First dates are nerve-wracking. Even more so when it’s with you.

But you’re so easy to talk to, you laugh about his jokes and when you smile at him like that, he thinks there’s no one out there who could possibly be more beautiful.

“My favorite song? Easy. No Choir by Florence and the Machine.”

“What’s it about?” He asks, because while he does listen to music, his taste can be described with the same words people use to describe him. A little nerdy, a little boring, a little uneventful.

You pull headphones out of your purse, untangle the knots and offer him one. The way you lean closer to share them properly has his heart beating faster. Forget kissing, sharing headphones is the real act of intimacy.

He’s not sure if he likes the song or if it’s you that makes his soul sing along, but the lyrics strike a chord.

“Happiness is an extremely uneventful subject…. there will be no grand choirs to sing, no chorus could come in, about two people sitting doing nothing….”

Cameron’s not a hero, just barely out of College, but he does know one thing.

What he wants in life is nothing more but uneventful happiness.

-

The air is buzzing with tension. Hardly anyone is talking.

Just last week he told you that his job was getting a little boring, all that programming that never seemed to amount to anything, all those controls no one ever got to use.

If only he could turn back time, rewind history, and change it.

But he’s not a hero, barely feeling like the age he’s at.

“The price of freedom is high, always has been. It’s a price I’m willing to pay. And if I’m the only one, then so be it. But I’m willing to bet I’m not.”

The words, and their meaning, have not yet settled in when the door of the control room bursts open. 

Cameron tenses. His thoughts wander to you like they always do, and to the uneventful happiness the two of you have managed to build. 

Is he willing to pay for that? What price is too high? What-

Rumlow reaches him. His eyes are cold like they always are. The order is not surprising. He’s been working on this project for months. 

His mouth is dry, everyone’s looking at him. Cameron doesn’t want to die. 

But if he has to die, he will not die a coward. 

His lips move. His voice does not shake. Before he knows it, the cold steel of a gun is pressed against the back of his head. He closes his eyes, hands raised, and thinks of you.

-

His tie is burnt, most of his hair probably too from the smell of it. 

Cameron’s coughing as he stumbles down the street, waves down a taxi that actually dares to stop for him. 

“Hospital?” The driver asks, voice filled with sympathy.

“Home,” he croaks out and names the address.

The world, as he knew it, is over. 

He’s not sure what tomorrow will bring.

But you’re waiting for him, worry written all over your face, and he knows:

“If tomorrow it’s all over, at least we had it for a moment… things seem so unstable, but for a moment we were able to be still.”

[mayathepsychc]

CHALANT

something I wrote in the weeks leading up to turning twenty-one.

I used to think that other people knew me better than I knew myself — that I was stuck in a perpetual blindspot, blocking my vision from seeing how I was  perceived. I remind myself in these moments of insecurity: I’ve never looked into my own eyes and I’ve never kissed my own lips. I cannot exist beyond myself. I’ll never be able to look at my life from the outside, but that doesn’t stop me from believing that my eyes are an earthy brown, the edge a ring of black that deepens their roots. I’m never gonna be able to kiss my own lips but that won’t stop me from leaning in with passionate intentions and smirks. I can’t love myself in the same way I love others, and I can't imagine how they love me. What I can do is believe my friends when they tell me they love me, and I can love them back. They can tell me what they love about me and while some sentiments always get lost in translation from their tongue to my brain, I know that love is real because I feel it too. 

I may not be able to look into my own eyes but I know that you'll never catch me dead or alive without love in my heart. And while I can’t love myself the way I love others, I love the way I love. I love the love in my life. It’s so abundant, I know I’m deserving of it. 

The art of acting nonchalant has never been something I could master. In fact, I could never lie about my feelings, you can already read them all over my face. I wear my heart on my sleeve, my thoughts in the knit of my brow, my fears in the wrinkles on my forehead, my excitement in the divots in my cheeks and the tremor of my limbs. I find it hard to hide anything at all when feeling my feelings is the only thing I know how to do without hesitance. I’m naturally myself. Despite the world’s best efforts, I’m persistent in my disposition. Besides, why would I want to be anything else when I have so much love at my disposal? 

In two weeks from today I will turn 21 years old. My life feels the closest to real it’s ever felt. Every day that goes by I thank God I was able to live the last day in full. These days, I'm busy singing loudly along to Chappell Roan with my friends and making a concerted effort to be kinder to the past, present and future versions of myself. Maya Jones of the past is a heart attack in a blowout and black hair dye, and I still wake up sometimes and forget I’m no longer her, that I’m not caked in foundation and hiding far more than my freckles from the world. 

When I was 16 I thought a bad hair day, some hate-speech, and a panic attack would be the end of me. I know now it’s gonna take a lot more than some heat damage and some trust fund baby in a Vineyard Vines polo calling me a “fag,” to shut me up. I have far too much to say than to let white people’s manufactured expectations for me affect any of the words that I speak into the world. If I'm not showing up authentically then I haven't shown up at all.

 Being anything but myself isn’t being, it’s lying. I've always been bad at lying, I can’t lie it through my teeth so my falsehoods come out misshapen and ridden with guilt. Besides, at my age, why would I lie when I can love even louder. I’ve been called brave for being so keen on being myself. In all honesty, I’m not brave — I'm stubbornly, candidly and spitefully alive. I’m nobody’s parent or politician, so why would I pander to you? Why would I edit the eloquence in which I speak when my natural cadence is so rhythmic? 

I never could master the art of being nonchalant. At this point, why would I try to? I am chalant and my presence in the world proclaims loudly: feel your feelings, fool!

[kart0]

Mixed feelings and being confused over sexuality and gender identity

Dude... I just want to yap rn. I feel hot and bothered and I can tell I'm ovulating or smth because there's just so much going on and I'm confused and I just. Want to do things and I'm craving touch.

Even though I'm pretty sure I'm aromantic and asexual. And touch repulsed.

I just feel so much whenever I'm ovulating. It messes with me so bad. I feel like a slut. Even though I never act and never do anything, I still can't help but crave human touch and love.

Times like these make me question my identity and opinions and preferences. When I'm not like this I don't want people looking at me or touching me or wanting me. It makes me very..gross. I don't know.

But at least once a month, for three to five days all I want is touch and love and warmth and pleasure and human things and human feelings and human experiences. It messes with me. It makes me doubt myself "why have I never tried anything - I actually have tried kissing before and it didn't feel good..but why haven't I tried when I'm feeling like this ? Maybe I would've had a different experience. Maybe I could enjoy it. And have fun.

Every single time when I'm done ovulating and I'm back to normal hormonal me, I feel so much shame. I feel angry that I even let myself think those thoughts - even though it's normal, and it's not my fault, it's my hormones. I feel upset that I get my hopes so high that maybe I am indeed normal but just super shy and awkward and haven't had the opportunity to try. I feel shame and repulse, for not being able to feel like this normally and have feelings and falling in love and wanting more than that. I keep thinking there must be something wrong.

I wonder what would happen if I did have the opportunity. What would change. Is it just inexperience ? Maybe I haven't tried enough to get used to the feeling.

When I was 14 went to a friend's birthday and they had a guy friend who was around my age too and he wanted to make out with me and my friend was playing cupid and trying to set us together but it made me feel so upset. The boy tried so hard to make conversation but we were just too different and had nothing in common and also he was ugly and looked like a kid and he just wouldn't take my no. I think I told him no 5 or 6 times until I just broke down and had one of the worst shutdowns I've ever had. I cried for the rest of the party and I even missed the cake and singing - which made me cry even more because I felt like such a shitty friend. I couldn't stop crying. It made me angry and sad. My friend didn't listen to me when I told them no. And the boy wouldn't take my no. I felt horrible. At first, for many years, I thought that I cried because I felt bad for him, for saying no and being awkward. But now I can see that I felt uncared and unheard. I searched for validation over my looks and trying hard to look hot ( or as hot as I could look being 14 ). But always felt sick and disgusting whenever people did find me hot and wanted more.

I keep thinking to myself, maybe if that boy was prettier. and if he were my friend and we shared interests. And I liked him. And he saw me for me. Not my gender nor my clothes, nor my makeup.

Maybe if I weren't that young, and if he listed to me. Maybe if we were in private instead of a party. Maybe if we were intoxicated. Maybe if we were dancing nd having fun and being flirty beforehand.

Then maybe it would have been nice to kiss. Maybe if I were tipsy I wouldn't care enough about germs and bacteria and wouldn't think about how sharing spit is kind of gross. If there was nice music I wouldn't be disgusted by the sound of kissing. Maybe it would have been fun and it would feel good. I wish I didn't care about all those things.

But it gets to a point where it's just unrealistic.

I wonder if I feel so much shame and anger inside because I'm not an actual girl.

I wonder if people thinking I'm pretty - for a girl - upset me because I wish I looked different.

I wonder if I would feel the same if I was born in a male body.

I like the idea of men liking me. But I want them to see me as a guy. Not a cute girl nor a sexy woman. I'm neither.

I'm a feminine guy. In a woman's body. I may lack male genitals, and I might have a big chest.

I wonder if I would hate myself and my looks this much if I were a woman. I'm not super attractive. But I'm not that ugly either.

But I think part of me hates my image because that's not who I wish I were.

I wonder if I'm this cruel to this body because I wasn't born in the right one. I starve myself because that's how I'm supposed to look, right ? Maybe I wanted to wither and fade away. Also it makes me angry that I have lost a lot of weight but my boobs are intact 😭 what the fuck man. In fact I lost weight everywhere EXCEPT for my boobs so now they just look fucking bigger 🤡

But I am so scared of change. Being a woman is comfortable. It's normal. It's the safest choice.

I'm terrified of change. What would my parents think ? I would lose friends - and I barely have friends. I like my singing voice. I can sing very well. I don't want to get acne again - my skin looks the best now. I don't want to increase my chances of being hatecrimed. And if I did start Testosterone, then what ? I wouldn't grow taller, and I would still have my breasts, and I still would have my genitals. Which honestly it doesn't bother me that much.

I would miss my breasts. Sometimes I like feeling pretty and I like how they look in certain tops. I like using them to support my phone while I watch tiktoks. Makes me feel cute too. But they don't really match my face I guess. It's like I'm all over the place ?

I don't know. I'm scared and sad. I wish being me was enough to be happy.

I don't want to be perceived. I don't want to be seen as a woman. I don't want to be seen as a man. I don't want people assuming things about me because of my gender. I don't want them to see my gender first. I wish I were just a fleeting feeling. A good one. I wish I didn't have a shape. I wish people could see my soul instead of my appearance.

No gender identity feel good to me. I don't like any of the labels. They feel too restricting. Even the gender fluid one. It doesn't feel good. Agender doesn't feel right. My gender is me. I am me.

[cure-icy-writes]

You run into Trouble near the fruit section of the grocery store, perusing the vegetables with a smug grin like she knows something you don't.

"Hear that?" she says, gesturing at the ever-present overhead speakers. They're playing something that's about as close to punk as you can get on the radio in an alternative grocery store, but pales in comparison to your actual music tastes. "My boyfriend got a pretty big record deal. I helped him write that song, you know."

Despite your better judgement, you're impressed. It's toned down and radio friendly, but the technical skill is good. The lyrics, though... eh, you've heard better. "Your boyfriend must be pretty good, then."

"He is; have you heard of him? I mean, probably not, you don't seem the type to," she says, then launches into an explanation of the punk genre.

The thing is. You're into punk already. You like death grips and metallica and rise against, and the grunge teens screaming their hearts out at a little venue down the street from your apartment that you like to visit on weekends.

But, well, ever since becoming a single parent, you haven't had the time to get into the fashion scene. Hell, going grocery shopping without the baby is practically a vacation for you. But you have long hair, put in a neat bun that you learned from your ballet days, and a pink sweatshirt and leggings, so the woman's probably made up her mind about you already.

It's only when she mentions his full name that you stop and pay attention.

"Wait, did you say-- I think I went to high school with him, actually," you tell her, blinking. It's been four years since you graduated, and between the joint pain from years of intensive ballet classes and the marriage and subsequent divorce, you feel so much older than your age. You give the woman your name, and ask if her boyfriend remembers you.

Her expression turns...sour. You have a feeling you've made a mistake, like when you were younger and still pretending to be something you weren't. Back in high school, your looks and dignified way of talking drew a lot of clique types to you, the kind that tried to make you into one of them. She seems like the opposite of those girls, but their equal, somehow.

"Is that so. Well, he actually has mentioned an old flame by your name," she says tersely.

"It was high school; besides, you've got nothing to worry about," you reassure her. You decide not to mention that you maybe liked him too; your so-called friends at the time hated the way he always dressed in oversized hand-me-downs, but you were drawn to him somehow, for his diligence at skateboarding and the devil-may-care attitude he wore like armor. "I've got a kid at home and no time for dating anyways."

"Well," the woman says, saccharine sweet, "Maybe you should check out one of his concerts? He's touring in town, you know."

There's definitely something off about her. But you've been keeping an eye on the local music scene anyways, and if nothing else, maybe the opening acts will be promising. You check out the guy's music on MTV, chat with some of your friends, and there's already a group planning to go.

Well, okay, you've been trying to keep an eye on the local music scene. You slip out of it sometimes and forget, or get busy with parenting, and the little bug has been learning to crawl and keeping you insanely busy trying to baby-proof every possible surface.

It's a nice break, honestly, when you hire a babysitter and attend the show. You're looking forward to it, even. Except everything, all of the sudden, goes wrong. Your high school crush starts the concert by inviting his girlfriend up for a special song where she'll sing the vocals, and the lyrics sound more and more familiar. Details that she shouldn't know. Details that... oh. Has she been gossipping with your old 'friends' from high school? It's been years. Why is she still so hung up on this? You never even dated the guy, and she's singing some spiteful song about how she thinks you're stupid and shallow for.... what, 'turning him down' back in high school? If anything, she's the shallow one, for only dating him once he got famous.

But somehow you're the villain here? It's so, so fucked up, and the concert was supposed to be an escape. But here's this weird heteronormative jealous lady, on stage, singing about her beloved "Sk8er Boi" and how they rock each other's world.

[galaxia-idols-official]

✨Presenting our second Galaxia member, Peachy!

✨NOTICE: Peachy now exclusively uses it/its and shark/sharkself!!

✨Info

Name: Peachy Pronouns: it/its, shark/sharkself Age: 19 Subunit: Sugar System Image color: #F2C0BC Birthday: 1/13 Likes: Sharks, sour candy, voice acting Dislikes: Squash, shooter games, large groups Quote: "Stop asking me to call you babygirl, I'm trying to full combo Blue Planet"

Song: "Golden Ray" by Harumaki Gohan

Sprite edited by @orphic-exe, original from Project SEKAI Vocals and translyrics by Peachy Video by Solar

Transcript below the cut!

✨Transcript

"Hey there! I'm Peachy of Sugar System! My pronouns are—in order of favorite to least favorite—it/its, shark/sharkself, and she/her. I haven't been singing long, so I'm excited to see how I progress alongside the other idols of Galaxia! See you soon!"

"All of your shiny treasures, All of your favorite things, You won’t realize what they are until they’re gone!

Under that same old blue sky that we all see, They may be hiding out there, Another dawn has arrived, Tie that old ribbon right into a bow.

The dream I dreamt of a girl, Is lingering on, pulsing with warmth!

Keep it on going and don’t stop, Go to the light with a step, hop! Nowhere to go, hey, Take my hand now, golden ray!

I am still by your side, Always still by your side,

Keep it on going and don’t stop, Go to that place where we all hope! Now that we have chosen, Our only small golden ray!

I am still by your side, Always still by your side, you know…"

[lewis-winters]

Last Line(s) tag

thank you to @almost-a-class-act and @hellofanidea for the tag! sorry I only answered now it slipped my mind.

Um. Ok. So. I haven't been working on any stuff lately because ✨Depression✨ so I clicked on a random word document for this. So. Here's the last few paragraphs from a Winnix fic I left unfinished in 2021, based off the indie film Private Romeo:

It’s funny, Dick thinks. Funny how little they have in common, poor Romeo and he. The fancies of youth have never taken a hold of him before, not the way it has this boy, with his heart on his sleeve, daring the world to break it and make him into something poetry and songs could claim. Moving through the world with his head down and his hands as busy as he could get them, Dick always thought it wiser to keep his heart tucked in and away, protected and only feeling what his head would let it, fueling it with nothing but determination and character, building it all upon the moral compass so carefully handed down to him through the wisdom of the generations. He’d been a good son, staying carefully in his lane, living life according to the words of his parents, understanding their discipline to be an expression of their love and honoring them best he can. He never crashed parties he wasn’t invited too. He never made friends with those who drank their weight in alcohol. He never allowed himself to pine after those he could never have.

Or at least he didn’t, until now.

The moon is forgiving tonight, shining gently through the window of their tiny room to caress the sweet swell of Lewis’ cheek and the proud slope of his nose. His dark brows are drawn together in a frown, the corners of his lips downturned in distress. Dreaming again—of what, Dick isn’t sure. Lewis never tells. But it doesn’t stop the need in him to reach out and touch, soothe away the pain with the pad of his thumb, allowing the rest of his fingers to cradle Lew’s cheek, run themselves through the thick of his steel black hair.

Now that he thinks about it, they’d met very similarly to this, on that little patch of gentle sun that appeared every afternoon on that grassy hill behind their barracks in Fort Benning. Dick remembers it just like it were yesterday, perhaps because he holds on to the memory the way Lew holds on to his flask, taking it out for a sip every now and again, to feel the addictive rolling, crashing wave of warmth course through him until he feels it all in the crown of his head to his toes.

Lew had been dozing, left behind on a rare weekend when the bars and pubs of the nearby town could not hold his attention for long. Asleep, he looked his age, smoothed out and serene and boyish; long, black lashes fanning across his tan cheeks with a sweetness that made Dick want to kiss them until they fluttered open to reveal those large, brown eyes he’d been dutifully trying to keep out of his thoughts. He did nothing of the sort, of course. Instead, he’d shimmied down the slope to hover over this boy he’d only ever seen in passing, but whose image he’d always followed with his eyes, inexplicably drawn, and shaken his shoulder until he’d awoken, staring up at Dick with confusion.

“Hi?” he’d said, groggy. And that was the beginning.

Dick had never thought that his own love might be something poets would sing of. Never thought of it burning or hurting so keenly, drowning him in yearning and want. He always thought his love would be straight forward and simple.

Now, with his eyes slipping shut as he watches the steady rise and fall of Lew’s chest, he realizes that that, too, had been its own kind of foolishness.

And I'll tag whoever wants to do it!

[missyourflight]

some stuff i read and watched in june:

taskmaster (s1-5): haven't done an early seasons rewatch in so long, s4 and 5 are basically perfect 2 me. incredible that mark watson manages to be both my favourite type of taskmaster guy (hopelessly despairing) and also nearly won the thing lol. nish forever obviously

silo: got well into this! probably at some point apple will stop throwing millions at sci-fi shows but i'm going to enjoy their folly in the meantime

mission: impossible ii: hadn't seen this one! the weakest of the lot but the john woo of it all is undeniable

mission: impossible iii: PSH outrageously good as the villain, hi keri russell

mission: impossible - ghost protocol: so much fun, especially the sequences where you can see brad bird's animation brain going

mission: impossible - rogue nation: ILSA my beloved, the opera sequence is so gorgeous, no notes!

mission: impossible - fallout: it's good when henry cavill reloads his arms, it's better when tom cruise is sprinting around london rooftops and breaking his ankle etc, my most basic trait is that i Love when they're in london like oooh tate modern. anyway i'm very ready for dead reckoning

asteroid city: the bits about making art really got to me! the vending machines were cool!

joint security area: crash landing on you prepared me for this, blank check weren't lying when they said it was homoerotic, song kang-ho forever etc

dodie smith, the town in bloom: the most delightful narrative voice i've read in Ages and v funny. easy to sell me on 1920s theatrical shenanigans

k patrick, mrs s: So hot and butch, i liked the butch friendship stuff almost more than the sex stuff. more sexy lesbian novels Please

kj charles, the secret lives of country gentlemen: another winner from KJC, my most reliable romantic comfort reads. this time it's smugglers!

alice slater, death of a bookseller: sticky little thriller about being poisoned by true crime, great sense of place, So many pints of dark fruits

laura kay, wild things: bisexual disaster in love with her best friend, tragically very me- and also george russell-coded, god i want to swim in a pond again

SOME STUFF I SAW AT ROCK WERCHTER

the dj on the first nigt who played a mash up of i'm gonna be (500 miles) into temperature and then the 1d cover of one way or another into little lion man (deeply cursed fandom flashbacks etc)

weyes blood with candelabras and glowing hearts and amazing adam curtis projections on the big screen behind her

king princess sending the gay girls of belgium absolutely wild - "you wanna hear a sad lesbian song?"

matty healy is a dickhead but he's very good at being the frontman of the 1975. like if ben whishaw was straight and kind of disgusting

stormzy!!! literally the rain was pouring during blinded by your grace pt 2

mumford and sons - this whole festival was like being borne back ceaseless into the past but the cave still fucks me up, marcus really in his ken marino era, face-wise

PUP - i do believe if this tour doesn't kill you, i will to be a wholly perfect song, they had a trans flag on stage, best vibes of the festival

sigur ros - sometimes you just want to be in a massive barn with thousands of people with your faces turned up in the dark feeling like you're inside the sound somehow

muse - fucking incredible live band still!! every time i'm see them i'm floored by how hot chris the bassist is and then i forget about it and then i see them again and i'm poleaxed etc. they had a tech meltdown during knights of cydonia at the encore so we got showbiz instead!!

christine and the queens - beautiful and terrible as the dawn

jacob collier - asked if we wanted to get funky then put on a special hat, bit george russell-coded in the face

arctic monkeys - sometimes you just want to be in a field with one of your oldest friends singing the songs of your youth!! i love the 70s act actually! there are so many sexy songs on AM!! the skies finally cleared for the beautiful full moon, thank you belgium, good night

[nataliealynlind]

queen america sentence starters

episode 6: juvenile diabetes

"i just need to brush my teeth"

"are you taking care of yourself?"

"now will you please give me some privacy?"

"don't pretend i haven't seen everything"

"most women your age would kill for that body"

"she is pretty impressive"

"oh please like you haven't heard this story before"

"judges will love this shit"

"you're really pretty"

"but that will never happen- your time is far too valuable"

"it's just the right amount of sick"

"it's still our job to know"

"did you ever have any minor to terrible illnesses as a child?"

"on the bright side- i don't think things could get much worse than they already are"

"her boyfriend was the one driving the car"

"i'm just glad this place is finally re-opened"

"they wouldn't even let someone like me near the entrance"

"don't talk about yourself like that"

"you are so beautiful"

"do you know what the sexiest thing a woman can have is? confidence"

"name's just being real dumb"

"she invented problems cause she was bored"

"you think i wanna drive two hours away to get dinner?"

"that's sweet, but i know what you're doing"

"don't suggest things and act like i asked for them"

"oh my god am i dying?"

"there's absolutely nothing wrong with you- at least not medically"

"that girl has a real voice on her"

"of course miss oklahoma's not allowed to date that would be ridiculous"

"do you know how old she is?"

"i didn't even know there were places like this here"

"i have as much right to be here as you do"

"they're not mad that you're here they're mad at that blouse"

"it was really nice of you guys to ask me to hang out tonight"

"oh honey- this is a work night"

tonight we're bringing some karaoke realness"

"stop talking- for your own good"

"know that i believe in you. and that i think you can do this with a lot of alcohol"

"i am not singing in front of all of these people"

"honey, look around- you're safe"

"oh you would not have wanted to be near me- really"

"hey, just come over- we'd just have to keep the noise down"

"you have to have the confidence of a frat boy on trial"

"just keep drinking honey"

"something tells me that she's not really your type"

"can i buy you a drink sometime? like- right now?"

"i'm sorry but i do live here"

"i figured you'd be out"

"the last part i believe"

"i know make out hair when i see it"

"are you wearing lipgloss?"

"not just any guy- he's really nice- i sorta think he's my boyfriend"

"he's really nice to me"

"of course he likes you- he'd be a little moron not to"

"would you mind not telling my mom?"

"can we please just keep this between you and i?"

"men love to say that"

"nobody's confident- they're all faking it. just some people are better at it than others"

"honey i had to do a lot of things"

"this is fun! i feel like we're becoming really good friends"