#I haven’t read ship fics in so long but this is about to reignite my love for the

[crybaby-bkg]

just finished a court of silver flames and I legit can’t stop crying ALSHDKDJDJ

[self-shipyard]

"Strawberry Fields Forever" - A Self-Ship Fic

SYNOPSIS: A fic in which Lumaca discovers that Gh.iaccio used to write poetry... and that he recently got back into writing it because of her. All this was discovered through a little black notebook.

Word Count: 1044

CW: In-Character Swearing

Note: For context, in canon, he hates metaphors he can't understand. Because of this, and the fact that he can reference certain works (i.e. "Merchant of Venice Venezia"), I have a headcanon that he's very passionate about literature in general and that maybe he even studied it in college. This fic is based on said headcanon.

Lumaca stepped into the bedroom, intending to make a beeline for the bathroom.

It had been a long day for her and she was hoping she could get a quick shower before she could make dinner for her and her fiancé.

Just before she could, something on the desk grabbed her attention.

At first, she thought it was a sketchbook that she must’ve forgotten to put away. However, upon closer inspection, she discovered that it wasn’t a sketchbook at all; instead, it was a notebook with lined pages.

It must have been brand new, looking like it had been bought yesterday and even carrying that ‘new book smell’ to it. On top of that, she never saw this one lying around before.

Where did it come from?

Carefully, she opened the notebook just to get an idea of what it could be.

On the first page, there was a little note in what was clearly Ghiaccio’s handwriting.

“I’ve once again found the urge to write poetry,” it read. “I haven’t done it since I got my literature degree but my love for Lumaca gets stronger by the day, so I figured I ought to put it down on paper. Maybe it’ll help me figure out how to write my vows in the meantime.”

Warm feelings rippled all over Lumaca’s body and they all made her hold a hand to her mouth, closing her eyes tightly and humming joyfully in the process.

Even when he wasn’t physically around, Ghiaccio really was the sweetest.

She felt a little bad for continuing to pry, but her curiosity peaked at the mention of him having experience with poetry. Of course, it made sense to her, considering his lean towards older literature, but what did that mean for his poetry style?

She delicately turned the page.

Lumaca’s heart sunk when she was met with large streaks of ink covering the page, clearly in a frenzy. It sunk lower as she discovered that the next few pages looked similar to that one; big streaks covering up the free verse he’d written down.

“My poor Ghiaccio,” she thought as she continued to search. “What could’ve caused him to do this…?”

Finally, she found a page with a poem. It was titled “Your Love” and she brushed her fingers against its verse as she read it in her head.

My eyes were blocks of unloving ice

That dripped into puddles with your smile

My hands were frozen wastelands

That melted into green pastures with your touch

My heart was a miserable snowstorm

That gave way to sunny skies with your kiss

I was the bitter cold

That became warm with your love

With All My Love, Ghiaccio ❤

Immediately, she closed the book and held it to her chest, her cheeks turning a deep shade of red and her eyes shutting themselves tightly. If he were here right then, she would’ve held him and kissed him and told him how beautifully written his words were.

She looked down at the page again, only to discover notes on the sides of the poem that said things like “This sounds stupid” and “Would she like something this corny?”

To say she was surprised was an understatement.

He was always so good and concise with his words, so to see him express so much doubt in his own work… She just had to show him her appreciation.

But how?

That was when she eyed a small sheet of paper on the edge of the desk next to a pen. Looking at the two items together gave her an idea.

…

Ghiaccio stepped through the door to their apartment, closing it behind him.

“Lumaca, I’m home” he called out.

From where he stood, he could hear the sound of running water and the sweet sound of his beloved fiancé singing to the tune of “Strawberry Fields Forever”.

He hummed softly along.

“Fuck, what a beautiful voice,” he said to himself. “And it belongs to my future wife…”

With the desire to see her filling his head, he quickly made his way over to the door to their bedroom, pushing the slightly ajar door open.

He stopped as he spotted something on the desk.

It was his little poetry notebook just as he had left it before he went to work, but now there was also a neatly folded piece of paper on top of it. From where he was standing, he could see it had his name written on it in her handwriting, with a little heart over the “i”.

“Did she look at it?” Ghiaccio wondered to himself. “I mean, I don’t mind if she did, but what I wrote looks like shit and makes no sense. She couldn’t have liked it.”

Gingerly, he unfolded the paper to discover a poem in her handwriting. He read it in his head.

A flame blown out long ago

Reignited by your brave words

A heart locked behind fear

Freed by your strong hands

A flower with petals shut tight

Bloomed by your gentle lips

A girl lost

Found by you

A little note was left at the bottom of the page.

“Your poetry is beautiful, my love. May you always find inspiration to keep writing. Forever Yours, Lumaca ❤”

If he wasn’t so worried about damaging the paper, he would’ve curled up on the bed and grasped the poem to his chest, where his lovestruck heart raced and made his lips and hands tremble with it.

“She… she loved it…!” he whispered hoarsely.

Ghiaccio’s head whipped around in time to watch Lumaca step out of the bathroom, dressed and unaware he was in the room until she looked up.

A sheepish blush spread across her face the minute she spotted him and her lips parted. Yet before she had time to apologize for prying into his notebook, he ran up to her and wrapped his arms tightly around her waist. His face buried into her hair, muffling his words.

“I love you,” he mumbled. “I love you… God, so sweet to me… My bucaneve…!”

She placed her hands against his back, feeling his heart beating wildly through her hand, and she smiled with her eyes closed tightly.

“I love you too, honey. I love you so much.”

[tsauergrass]

Hi! I noticed your comment on gnarfs fic recs and was wondering what are you favourite fics and which you would recommend :)

oH it would not be an exaggeration to say I’ve been waiting for this ask since practically the day I created my blog lol (I’m so excited!!)

I do have a fic rec list sitting in my drafts (tagged forever ago by @rockmarina and still haven’t found the time to complete 😭) but oh dear here we go! In no particular order:

Running on Air by eleventy7

Draco Malfoy has been missing for three years. Harry is assigned the cold case and finds himself slowly falling in love with the memories he collects.

This fic is so beautiful it will break your heart without you even knowing it and you will be left aching for days. It will forever be my favorite fic and it is the most beautiful fic I have ever read—it is the one that brought me into Drarry when I didn’t even ship them! The loneliness is so well captured, the scenes so beautifully described, and both the suspense and the emotional storylines are so well crafted. td;lr: please go read this stunningly beautiful fic I promise you won’t be disappointed

The Lip-Lock Jinx by cassisluna

It's a jinx that renders the victim mute, unless he/she serves the purpose of the jinx and kisses the person that they desire. It's just Harry's luck that he's in love with Draco. HPDM, one-shot, eighth year.

Already fussed over it once but here we are again! Eighth-year fic, Draco is quieter but still witty, Harry is clumsy in his affections, Ginny is brilliant. It’s so soft you will place your hand on your chest and sigh, you will smile helplessly because your heart is brimming with softness. A dose of this fic on a bad day and I promise you will feel just the bit better.

Stop All the Clocks (This Is the Last Time I’m Leaving Without You) by firethesound

Living with Draco was difficult; living without him is unbearable. But if there’s one thing Harry learned from the war, it’s that even when one life ends, the rest of the world goes right on living.

Warning: MCD, it is—oh dear it is the angstiest fic I have ever read. It tore my heart out of my chest and it is so, so good. The writing is beautiful, I love the way Draco and Harry’s relationship progressed, I adore their characterization, how they bicker and care. Harry’s road to recovery is rocky and winding but it is,, so genuine. (I also adore the structure of this fic lol, the two timelines are weaved together seamlessly and it just fascinated me!) This fic will leave the most beautiful scar in your heart but really, if you can afford it, it is so worth it.

Grounds for Divorce by tepre

Malfoy finds a coin. Harry finds a letter.

A story about histories, a story about families. A story about a lemon tree somewhere in Upper Egypt.

This is, like, the slowest slow burn of all slow burns. It’s a bond fic, as you will discover pretty soon into the story—but it proceeds so differently than I ever expected. It is messy, beautiful, winding, Harry and Draco proceed to take the same freakin path two thousand times without ever reaching the destination—but it’s all good, and you see the beauty in the messiness because that is how life is. And when they finally get themselves together it’s just, so sweet you can’t stop smiling and you can feel their happiness, so close to your heart. It’s a slow journey and you have to take it with them if you want to see it bear fruit, and you realize in the end it doesn’t matter how winding the paths are, because you were always going to reach that place. And stay. Like I lie in bed at one a.m. and I think about how Draco and Harry are sleeping together in Grimmauld and I wanna tear up. The prose is beautiful, and messy like the story itself, and I just adore the way everything is described, so authentic, and the way the start of the end is the beginning (no spoilers yes?) Go read it and afterwards sit at the same place for twenty minutes in complete awe and content

The Generation Who Lived by lettersbyelise

In the months leading up to the 10th anniversary of the Battle of Hogwarts, Draco Malfoy writes a series of articles about war survivors.

So far, he’s managed to interview everyone he wanted.

Everyone...except his old nemesis, his one-time lover, and the elusive war hero who stubbornly refuses to be featured in Draco’s interview series; Harry Potter.

This fic tackles so many different aspects of consent—and weaves them into the story itself so well. There are many controversial topics, and they were explored with honesty: nothing is shunned, nothing is avoided, there are many voices that challenge what you really think. And these are the best kind of fics, really. I especially love the characterization of Luna, because it is so difficult to get her right—but she is, wonderfully candid in her whimsical way, tripping you over in your own thought. I love Draco and Harry’s story as well, the misunderstanding and the miscommunication—the confrontation, a reminder for a lot of us that being upfront and honest is so so important. The way Draco is neither redeemed nor un-redeemed yet trying in his own way is also very dear to me.

Sharing Different Heartbeats and Let Them Wash Off in the Rain by talithan

Before Harry ever saw Draco’s room, before they ever shared a greasy order of chips or long-held secrets, before Draco’s boss ever tried to chat up Harry, they hadn’t even exchanged mobile numbers. To be fair, Draco didn’t have a mobile then.

*

It’s Harry’s first time in New York City, and he is determined to have a good time. How Draco Malfoy figures into this remains to be seen.

I recently discovered them and just, ahhh. Completely adore them! They are not related, just by the same author. Both are so gentle and it feels as if nothing really important is happening—and nothing is—but the feelings are there all the same, gentle too. It’s like sitting by the window listening to soft rain. The sky is grey, the lights are dim, and you’re not really thinking about anything... just listening to the rain falling...

These are some of my absolute favorites! There are many more, (so many more,) and if you’d like you can check the bookmarked recommendations on my ao3! (It’s a messy, rumpled place but) here are a few of them:

fly like paper, high like planes by harryromper

Harry Potter, Head Coach of the Appleby Arrows, is very content leading a quiet life. He has a doddery old house-elf who makes his breakfast, a team of players who love Quidditch almost as much as he does, and a Kneazle that curls against his damaged leg at the foot of his bed at night. The absolute last thing he needs is a fit, tattooed, and wildly talented Draco Malfoy back from living his life on the margins. Soon he’s dealing with goblins for the first time since the war, traveling to Prague, eating dodgy squid, and maybe, just maybe, accepting that Quidditch, Malfoy, and even Harry himself are still capable of change.

(I love Draco covered in tattoos, Draco with a family in Prague, Harry with disability, Harry and his kneazle, amazing OC’s)

Reigniting Harry Potter (A Task For Draco Malfoy) by QueenofThyme

Harry Potter is depressed and won't leave his house, or his bed if he can help it. Hermione has the bright idea to send Draco Malfoy over, who is surprisingly gentler than Harry realised, and might actually just be able to reignite a spark in Harry...if he stops being an arrogant prat of course.

(It’s a gentle story, I love the ending and the description of Harry’s depression just feels really genuine)

To Hurt and Heal by cassisluna

They say that everybody who gets out of Azkaban comes out a little mad. After the war, Draco Malfoy spends three months in Azkaban. He just wants to go insane in peace, but Harry Potter finds that he, inexplicably, still can't leave Draco alone.

(It’s. Heartbreaking and tender all at once)

Don’t let go by parkkate

When Draco ends up having to take care of Teddy’s new pet, he’s sure the universe is trying to torture him. Little does he know things are about to get so much worse. And of course, it involves one Harry Potter.

(The amount of cuddles is atrocious in the fic, I repeat, atrocious. The depth is also amazing and unexpected)

Take Into the Air (My Quiet Breath) by GuardianMira

Draco is dying of Hanahaki Disease. Serves him right, Harry thinks.

(But this is, like, the perfect Hanahaki disease fic. The perfect blend of angst and tension and relationship development with a heartbreaking, beautiful ending.)

Four Times Harry was Late...and One Time He was Late again by dracogotgame

Title says it all

(FLUFF. LOTS OF THEM. And it’s so clever you want to throw your phone across the room and clutch your heart and AWWWWWW, you’ll know it when you get there)

Talk to Me by Saras_Girl

When the usual channels of communication are shut down, the most surprising people can find a way in. A strange little love story.

(The setting is similar to The Lip-Lock Jinx, so very sweet!)

Slow Hands by eleventy7

Blood, shadows, and paper hearts. The Shadow hunts students, but Draco Malfoy most of all.

(This is,, beautiful. Gentle. Quiet, like when you wake up early before dawn and no one else is up.)

Everything a Word Can Mean and Constant Flux by rockmarina

In a world where magical people are born with the nickname their soulmate will call them by tattooed on their skin... what does it mean that the word on Harry's chest is the thing he hates to be called the most?

*

Harry Potter is the one constant in Draco's life, only each time in a very different way.

(These are just. Soft. Fluff. The first one is so poetic I love it so much, the second one gave me so much Feels)

Inferno by jadepresley

If he was ice then she was the fire, and though he loved her he was quite certain they were destined to destroy one another in the end.

(Okay this one is not Drarry but it will BLOW YOUR MIND. Seriously, the writing is so beautiful, the story so vivid, so strong. It will ring in your mind)

There we go! There are so many more fics I would gladly rec only this post is getting quite long. I would also recommend you check out the rest of an authors’ works if the first one you read fascinates you, you won’t be disappointed!

[scripting-life]

FFVII: returning to my first love

 *peeks out of the corner of my lurking spot*

Hello? Anybody out there? It’s only been, oh you know, four-ish years since the last time I’ve posted anything here. I apologize in advance for anybody who’s still following me from my Castle days. If you couldn’t tell from my extended absence, I’ve mostly moved on. Castle and Beckett were fantastic characters that let me to play with some deep-dive analyses, and Castle will always hold a special place in my heart as my comfort show and my first real and extended experience with online fandom. I’ll always be grateful to the community I’ve had the joy of interacting with (or, the community with which I’ve had the joy of interacting, as Castle would correct me my dangling preposition).

I honestly didn’t think I would ever have reason to come back to Tumblr after Castle ended. But the FF7 Remake has returned me to my very first love--when I was young and innocent and before I knew anything about OTPs or ship wars. I’ve been back lurking for several months now and seeing all the fanart/fanfics and fun theories and analyses has reignited my enthusiasm for the FF7 franchise. It’s also fun coming back to this franchise with a more mature understanding of the themes/concepts that completely flew over my head as a young preteen.

(This ended up being super long, so the rest is below the cut to spare everyone the pain of scrolling. Apparently, my rambling tendencies have not changed at all. lol.)

When FF7R was officially announced (five freaking years ago!), I was filled with apprehension. FF7 was my first taste of a “grown-up” game. I was 11 and played my brother’s copy of the OG on PC in 1-2 hours spurts on the weekends when I visited his apartment. It took me months, if not years, to finish the game (I ended up stealing his copy to play on our computer at home...lol), and I was so blown away by it. I remember the exact moment I finished it and how I was literally shaking as I watched the ending FMV.

Later, when I found out my brother had a copy of FF8 (my poor brother was so accommodating to his annoying little sister...haha), I was so excited to play, in large part because I thought it would continue the story of FF7. Young, naive me didn’t understand the numbering conventions of Final Fantasy titles. I was madly theorizing and breaking my brain trying to find connections between the two games’ plots and had literally played through more than half the game before I finally realized the storyline of FF8 had absolutely nothing to do with FF7. I was sorely disappointed, and I think that has somewhat tainted my appreciation of future titles. Not to say I haven’t enjoyed the subsequent FF titles, but I think a little part of me is always comparing them to that first experience of wonder and awe that I had with FF7.

I discovered fanfiction in my teens and starting writing FF7/Cloti fics in college. Aside from interacting with a few fic writers at the time, I was not involved in any online communities, so I kept myself pretty free of any ship war drama and the like. When I did research for my fics, I’d sometimes see shipping sites and theories where I didn’t always understand the logic of how certain conclusions were reached, but frankly, I didn’t much care and didn’t realize that Clerith vs. Cloti was such a touchy subject. I was peripherally aware that some sort great LTD war was waging, of course, but it didn’t really touch me. I stayed in my Cloti shipping/fic-writing lane and was probably a lot happier for it. And, to be honest, based on FFN’s listings for FF7, I felt like I always saw a bunch of Sephiroth/Cloud fics and thought that was just as popular as the more conventional ships.

Graduating college and entering “real life” pretty much ended my FF7 fanfic-writing journey. In the intervening years between college and the release of FF7R, I haven’t gone back to the OG too much. I’ve played almost all the Final Fantasy games since then, and I always enjoy getting my FF7 crew fix when I play the non-canon mobile games or the Kingdom Hearts franchise. But FF7 was a happy part of my teenage years, and I was content to think on it with sweet nostalgia.

Remakes, in recent experience (*cough cough* Disney, why?), have been hit or miss, with a lot of misses. It’s hard to strike a good balance between catering to nostalgia and delivering a fresh product, never mind the change in social mores through the decades. I was so afraid FF7R would screw up my memories, especially since I wasn’t the biggest fan of Advent Children. The graphics were great and the action scenes were fun, but the story felt like a let-down. Cloud, in particular, felt so different (and yes, moody) from where we left him after the OG. I understand now that a lot of his character motivation was better explained in the On The Way to a Smile novels, but back then, I just felt like AC came out of nowhere. 

Btw, because I see this question a lot on other blogs when I’m lurking, I’ve ALWAYS thought that it was very clear in AC--even without reading anything else--that the reason for Cloud’s depression was due to guilt and not because he was pining for Aerith. The only reason I didn’t like his characterization in AC was because it felt like it came out of nowhere since AC is set 2 years after OG and by the end of the OG, he seemed to be in a pretty decent place mentally and emotionally. That being said, I can absolutely understand why some traumas resurface years after the originating incident and how times of peace might actually be worse because he is no longer solely focused on saving the world, but I was just surprised and a little bummed that this was the direction the devs chose to take AC at the time. Now that I’m older, I do better appreciate the complexities of Cloud’s mental state and the fact that they depicted a hero with lingering mental health issues is actually pretty awesome. I’m drawn to characters that have flaws--sometimes serious ones--but try their best anyway. Hence, why why Tifa Lockhart and Kate Beckett are some of my all-time favorites.

Anyhow, that didn’t stop me from pre-ordering FF7R, of course. I avoided reading any reviews as I didn’t want my first impressions to be swayed, and boy, was I happy that I went in mostly blind. That sense of awe really almost felt like playing the OG for the first time again, but somehow more. The combat system is incredibly fun and the world-building is nothing short of incredible. The variety and abundance of NPCs gives the game so much flavor and the locations have been rendered so well. As I’m going through areas like the Sector 7 train station and Wall Market and Aerith’s house, I can almost superimpose the layout from the OG in my head, but now it’s in 3D and so rich and full. It’s obvious that a lot of attention was paid to details, and I love all the head-nods and homages to the OG.

And oh, the characters!

This is the Cloud I’ve been wanting to see in glorious HD and the Cloud I remember from the original game: all awkward, dorky trying to be cool, socially inept, mentally unstable, abrasive-at-times, reluctant to act depending on who’s asking, wannabe hard-ass who’s actually a big softie inside Cloud. I remember reading an article a few years back about how the devs basically redid Cloud for the Remake because they wanted him to go back to his dorky roots--which ends up making him closest to his personality in the OG than his appearances in other franchises--and I was SOOOO incredibly happy to hear that. I was so sick of the way Cloud was constantly depicted as this cool, broody McBrood in his cameos when he was a pretty big dork in the OG. (Anybody remember him doing squats in the Highwind when Tifa says it’ll be lonely with just the two of them and Cloud responds that he’ll make enough noise to make up for it? Like I said: cute, but a dork.)

I WAS surprised by how comfortable and sweet and touchy (so very very touchy) the devs made him with Tifa from the beginning. That initial scene of Cloud being such a smooth operator giving Tifa the flower had my jaw-dropping and every single flirty interaction after that (and there are many) had my Cloti heart overflowing in shock and bliss. Throughout most of my years as a Cloti shipper, even though I believed Cloti was supported by canon and pretty clearly together, I was also under the impression--mistakenly or not--that Cloti was the minority ship. So for Square Enix to make it so blatantly obvious that Cloud is really into Tifa at such an early stage has been an unexpected gift.

Also, they’re just really hot together. (Clotiscrew tunnel--be still my heart!)

As for Tifa...oh, what wonderful character development we’ve already gotten for Tifa. Tifa has always been one of my all-time favorite characters ever since reading her character blurb in the OG game manual. Initially, as a child, it was because I saw so much of myself in her. She was outwardly bright and optimistic, but tended to hide all of her stronger feelings inside. She fought with her fists, and for someone who was a tomboy growing up who liked playing contact sports with the boys, I connected with her in a way that I had never been able to connect with other female protagonists who were primarily back-row specialists. (I also aspired to grow to her listed height of 5′4″, which alas, did not happen...lol).

I love how the Remake delves into more of Tifa’s moral conflict between the destruction that she causes as part of Avalanche and needing to do something to stop Shinra, and yes, even seeking revenge. They touched on this in the OG lightly, but the Remake really hammers it home. She’s perhaps the most conflicted character in terms of motivation in Part 1. That scene with the Shinra manager on the train is actually one of my favorite scenes of her because it highlights that tension. The elevator scene, if you opted for it instead of the stairs (or if you did one, saved, and reloaded to do the other one, like me), is also underrated in terms of how much it reveals about Tifa’s inner struggle.

On this point, I also appreciate that the Remake has the characters reflecting on the damage they’ve both indirectly and directly inflicted--the Avalanche team all do this to a certain degree. In particular, Jessie’s constant inability to figure out what she’d done wrong with the bomb to cause such a massive explosion and her remaining feelings of guilt during her death scene (”they were my victims” ouch!) were heart-breaking.

Aerith’s depiction was another pleasant surprise. I’ll be honest; I didn’t much like her in the OG. She was too pushy and willfully oblivious to the point of being mean at times. In the Remake, much of her sometimes too in-your-face playfulness was kept--perhaps still a little too much--but I appreciate the nuance that they gave her. The train graveyard scene tells the player that she didn’t have friends growing up, and I think that partially contributes to her lack of social tact at times. The other factor that gives her personality more nuance is the hint of special knowledge that affects how she interacts with the rest of the group. It gives her additional hidden motivation and adds to her mystery for new players while simultaneously pulling at the heartstrings for old players who get the impression that Aerith is somehow aware--to a certain, unknown extent--of her own fate. 

I also appreciate that Aerith is more grounded as a real person than as some sort of revered being. I do blame AC for some of that. When you have the power to cure a fatal disease from the afterlife and send the dead back to life, it gets into some godlike territory. Maybe it’s a fair depiction of her powers as a Cetra, but I just get the feeling that Aerith herself wouldn’t really appreciate being made into this goddess-like figure. Remember that her character blurb in the original game manual implied that she was more interested in earthly things (i.e. the love triangle) than in exploring her own powers. I personally think that Aerith used the “love triangle” in the OG as a form of escapism from the weight of her burdens rather than genuine interest, and I just think she’d want to be thought of as a person rather than as a god. One of my favorite scenes for Aerith is when she and Cloud are traversing the rooftops and she slips on the ladder, letting out a simple, “Shit.” It humanizes her in a way that combats some of the ways she’s sort of been deified in the last 23 years. Also, Aerith wielding a folding chair like it’s WWE never fails to make me laugh. Overall, she just comes off as a more reasonably flawed and--as a result, to me--a more likeable character in the Remake, and I do very much like her now.

Barret is pretty much the exact larger than life character I imagined in my head, only somehow even better, and I really love how expressive and emotional his eyes and facial expressions are. His scenes with Marlene are truly the cutest thing ever. Red XIII is a big, furry ball of sass, and I need so much more of him in the coming parts (Cosmo Canyon still wrecks me to this day). The interactions between the Wedge, Biggs, and Jessie are incredible, and they really feel like people who’ve been friends and basically each other’s family for years. The Turks and Rufus are pretty much as cool as I imagined them in the OG.

There’s still so much more I haven’t even started touching on about the Remake, and I think that’s why I’m finally posting this now. I just can’t contain my love for this game any more, and I really really need a place to express myself. I don’t know if anybody is still reading, but I appreciate having the opportunity to finally gush about this game and franchise that I’ve loved so much for pretty much two-thirds of my life.

[misscrawfords]

Shipper asks: 1, 2, 4, 19, 27, 30, 32, 40?

1. Talk about the first ship you ever had.

Probably Laura and Almanzo from the Little House books. My mind was blown when I got to the end of Little Town on the Prairie and Almanzo asked Laura out and suddenly little 7 year old me (or whatever) discovered romance. I can still basically quote the dialogue from the proposal scene in Those Happy Golden Years from memory.

2. Talk about three of the most important ships throughout your life.

Harry/Hermione. My first fandom OTP, the first ship I wrote fic for, the first ship I read and wrote meta for that essentially took me through my entire adolescence and formed my views on relationships, fiction, writing, and fandom. I love you, H/Hr.

Matthew/Mary. The ship that got me back into fandom for better or worse after a long break, which introduced me to some of my closest online friends and at least one genuine offline friend too, the ship that led to me writing a novel that I’m truly proud of (it’s Consolation Prize and you should go read it now) and become semi-well-known as a writer to the extent that I met a literary agent in Manhattan. (Tragically, I have not yet actually written anything for her and it was like eight years ago now so IDK if she would even remember me or care about me but still - it happened!) Matthew/Mary was literary, intelligent, historical and full of longing and I basically did a masters degree because of them.

Ben/Rey. The ship that smacked me in the face one day when I watched a trailer and suddenly realised that they were the culmination of every literary and romantic impulse I had been searching for since I was about 15. I was not expecting to fall so hard and so deeply. They’ve reignited my writing once more and I have learned so much from them and the fandom that has passed on into my understanding of stories and mythology. Once again, I owe a fictional ship a heck of a lot.

4. What’s your current NOTP?

I’ve been thinking about this all day trying to think of one and I don’t think I have one... There are ships that don’t do anything for me, of course, and ones that make me go “Huh? How on earth do you get “romance” from that?”. Ron/Hermione is my biggest one. Finn/Rey is another (and currently even more so thanks to JB’s ill-advised comments). But NOTPS? Nope. Because ultimately shipping is fictional and there’s no such thing as a bad ship, just personal preferences. I actually quite like (as a kind of academic exercise) taking the apparently least obvious couple you can imagine and then somehow finding a way to make it work, because actually what it’s doing is nothing to do with romance per se, but everything to do with finding common ground and developing as a person through your relationship with another person and that is a very rewarding thing to think about and gets to the heart IMO of what makes an interesting ship.

19. Have you ever shipped something despite yourself?

That feeling of “We’re going here? Oh yes, we are definitely going here” and hating yourself? I feel like I have... but I can’t think when! I’m trying to think of my most absolute trash ships but... but usually they’re not really bad.

27. Is there a ship you’ve shipped for most of your life?

I guess, Darcy/Elizabeth? I first read P&P when I was 7 and I started reading P&P fanfic when I was 11 on the computer in the library and I guess I still ship them so... yeah!

Also Fatty/Bets from Enid Blyton’s Five Find-Outers series because I definitely shipped them before I understood when shipping was and I must have been very young when I was reading those books.

30. Name a couple of fandoms in which you have no ships.

Being in a fandom with no ships!? What is this!? Well, I guess I haven’t really shipped anything in Doctor Who since the days of Rose Tyler so that probably counts. And I can’t say I really ship anyone in The Good Place. Like, Chidi/Eleanor is fine. It’s cute. It’s obviously endgame. But I’m not invested, not going to read fics or anything. If it didn’t happen I’d be okay also.

32. Share five must-read fics.

Oh, this is LOVELY. Fic rec time!!

1. A Girl in Black by @khaleesa 

I'm not as sad as I should be. That's what makes me sad. The Titanic sinks, Patrick dies, and rather than wait at home to meet the new heir of Downton, Mary tries her luck in London, where she meets Sir Richard Carlisle instead. [Alternate S1]

Richard Carlisle/Mary Crawley. (Such an aBooSiVe ship lolooolol.) Still the definitive Downton fic for me. Such a good AU!

2. Down the Isle by @loversinfiniteness 

Down the Isle, a reality dating show, is roommates Jane and Tom's guilty pleasure. Under the sun of an indeterminate hot country, millions watch the contestants in their search for love. The weird twist? They're all characters from P&P, Emma, Mansfield Park and Persuasion. But this isn't a butchering of Austen: love, whether it's in bikinis or bonnets, is ever the same thing...

(A slightly unhinged Love Island AU featuring many of Austen's characters. Everyone is wittier and less eager for romance than the real contestants on the show. NOW COMPLETE!)

If you like Jane Austen and you like modern AUs you need to read this even if you think it isn’t your cup of tea. Trust me, it is.

3. Disconnect by Weatherbug02

Rey was an unpopular YouTuber for years before her channel skyrocketed. Kylo was a YouTuber with millions of subscribers who couldn't keep his mouth shut. After a misunderstanding, both parties became part of a famous rivalry known throughout the internet. Neither had seemed too keen on resolving it, but after five years, people start to notice a change between the two.

Reylo social media modern AU and one of my favourite fics. I would recommend Play to Win here but basically everyone has already read it!

4. The Eagle’s Nest by HeartofAspen

COMPLETE! Hermione's eighth year at Hogwarts is already going to be difficult in the aftermath of the war, but it is further thrown into upheaval when Headmistress McGonagall orders a re-sorting of all students to promote inter-house unity. But when the Sorting Hat sends Hermione to Ravenclaw with Draco - and without Harry or Ron - how will she cope? [AU, Dramione] Prevalent alchemy.

Yep, this is 70 chapters of slow-burn Dramione with very interesting world-building. Go read! 

5. And All the Devils Are Here by queenofchildren

It's a simple story, really: Girl meets Boy. Girl hates Boy. Girl and Boy infiltrate the most popular reality dating show on television to expose its unethical treatment of contestants and have to act like they're falling in love... And suddenly, the lines get blurred between the sparks flying on screen - and the real thing that grows when the cameras stop rolling.

This is a Benvolio/Rosaline from Still Star Crossed modern AU reality dating show fic. Huh? You might say. Or maybe you’ve never watched the show. Not important. This is a great fic with bonus Shakespeare references.

40. If you could change one thing about your OTP, what would that be?

The ending, of course.

But which OTP does this refer to, I hear you ask.

ALL OF THEM, YOU FOOL, ALL OF THEM.

Ask me about shipping

[cchellacat]

Wintershock

edit by @spacemansam

I’ve been thinking about Wintershock, the Bucky/Darcy ship, a lot today.  It’s one of those ships that seems to be overlooked until it isn’t. 

I think back to when I first started reading Wintershock and realise with some awe that it was about a year ago exactly.  My first bookmark for the ship was made on May 9th 2018 on AO3.

It’s also the same week I began to fall hard for Sebastian Stan. 

In the past 22 years the number of couples I’ve shipped, canon or otherwise has been vast.  I was there right from the second episode ready to defend Buffy/Angel as a ship with my life.  I adored Mulder/Scully and have a life long love for Mr Darcy and Elizabeth Bennett.  I had a list once, with all the ships I’ve ever shipped written on it, if  could find it I’m pretty sure it would take me an hour to write them all out.

Time goes on and most of these ships, although I have a fondness for them, have fallen by the wayside.  I used to skip around between about six or seven different ships at a time and read everything that looked interesting before cycling back to the top of my list again, a never ending game, chasing all the new content.

Wintershock broke my pattern.  I have never before read every work o AO3 for a ship, but I did with them.  I had to know everything.  I didn’t read anything unrelated to Wintershock until ‘d consumed every story and one-shot on AO3.  Then I started reading Sebastian fic, which brought me here, to tumblr, back in January 2019.

So the question I was asking myself today, was why?  Why do they work so well on paper?  What is it the makes it s magical?

Why Wintershock Works, some thoughts:

They can be nearly anyone.  They can have almost any type of romance and it will not detract from the characters nor will they be massively out of character. 

Something deep and meaningful? Sure, that makes sense. 

Something playful and light?  Works perfectly.

Comedy road trip?  They are both sassy pants.

Meet Cute?  OMG, fuck yes, meet cute, perfect.

Recovery and Comfort?  All the yes, both these characters have shown great depth of emotion and compassion.

It doesn’t matter what setting you put them in, what trope you use, both characters can comfortably occupy the role without loosing the spark that makes them, them.

Bucky and Darcy within canon have interesting places.  They occupy a niche where the best friend sits.  They support the main characters, give them depth, but unlike many such characters they have ignited the imaginations of the fans with the brilliant portrayal the actors gave.  They are strong well grounded characters in their own right, but the lee way we are given with their back stories only makes it easier to fit them into any story.

As characters they both have some similarities beyond the label of the best friend. 

They’re fierce, loyal and aren’t afraid to stand up for themselves.  This commonality  is part of the foundation of why they work as a ship. 

Although they have never appeared on screen or even in the same movie together, the idea that they could, that it’s plausible, persists. 

Their journeys so far may have been different, but they have both been touched by the extraordinary. 

I can’t believe that it took nearly ten years in the Marvel fandom for me to stumble across them, but it did.  I had seen the Wintershock tag a few times and overlooked it. (shame on me) 

I only reached for them when I’d run out of anything interesting to read about my current favourites and so I was looking for a ship to try with a good amount of content available and preferably a few good, long fics (if it’s over 70000 words I’m there and breaking down the door)

They had me from the first fic I read, which I believe, was Seventy-One by @anogete .  I think it was luck and fate that had me read that first, I’m not sure anyone else could have better introduced me to the ship.  Her writing is amazing!

So I read and read and for the first time in years felt inspired to write again.  I hadn’t, not in ten years.  Wintershock reignited my creativity and I thank them for it.

The last few days I’ve had a number of people credit me with introducing them to the ship and I just feel overwhelmed that I’ve brought this to them.  The recurring point they have all made is that they never thought about it before, it never crossed their mind as a ship. 

They are not alone.  I didn’t either, till I did.  Since then I haven’t looked back.  Will I still love this ship a year from now?  Five years?  Only time will tell. 

However, for me, it’s more than just a ship. It’s the one ship that ticks every box I look for in other ships.  I am deeply in love with both characters, they mean so much to me individually.  Together?  They are like a perfect storm and I am happy to have been swept into the eye of it.  I’ve set up shop, dug in and don’t intend to ever leave.  This is my happy place.

[aerialflight]

Currently reading WIP Marvel fics list (spoilers for Endgame, be warned)

Avengers Endgame has reignited my desire to read marvel fics, especially fix-it fics or odd pairings cause I just love making my life more difficult when it comes to prying the Marvel fandom open in search of good fics. I haven’t actively searched to read Marvel fics in almost two years, so there’s a lot of ground to cover at least.

So yeah, I’m recommending the fics I’m currently obsessing over and waiting on updates and rereading them cause I’m procrastinating on my final papers and just, finals in general. So yeah, please join me in this hell and suffer with me. :)

Far Away And Long Ago by Ragdoll (Keshka)

Endgame!Steve grieving Tony’s death and ends up stuck in 2012 Avengers time when trying to return the stones. (Ship: Steve/Tony) (ONGOING)

(I am on the edge of my seat waiting for this fic to update, tired endgame!steve meeting 2012 Avengers is gold. And god, the pining.)

Withering Away by GalaxyThreads

SUMMARY: [ENDGAME SPOILERS!] Thor failed. He failed his family, his people, his friends, and drinking solves nothing. When the Avengers arrive to initiate their plan, they find a much different Thor. One who’s only willing to agree on one condition: When they get the Tesseract, it will be on the Statesmen, and Thor will bring back Loki with him. (Fix-it) (No slash, no smut) Avengers as family! Whump! (ONGOING)

(honestly, this summary sums everything up.)

Symmetry Breaking by Annie D (scaramouche)

SUMMARY: After the Battle of New York, Steve rode off on his motorbike. That's how it went the first time.

This time he rides back, all the way to Stark Tower, where he asks Tony for help. (Ship: Tony/Steve) (COMPLETE, ONESHOT)

(everything written by this author is gold and this is such an interesting take of what effect Endgame!Steve left on the 2012 Avengers timeline due to time travel shenanigans.)

Citizen Erased by Imagined

SUMMARY: What do you do when no one in the world ever manages to remember you?

Anyone who sees Tony Stark promptly forgets he ever existed after mere seconds. When everyone he has ever cared about has lost their memories of him, he goes to Stephen Strange, possibly the only one who can help him lift the curse. But a terrifying danger is coming, and saving the world isn’t an easy job to do when no one can remember who you are. (Ship: Strange/Tony) (ONGOING)

(slow burn, plot heavy, and this fic had me searching for more strange/tony fics afterwards.)

Two updates a week: fic has already been fully written.

A Billion False Stops (and One True Start) by Ferrero13

SUMMARY: Tony woke up one day to find that his skin was black from neck down. The doctors told him that he either has an extremely large number of soulmates or one soulmate who just won't. Stop. Dying. (Ship: Strange/Tony) (ONGOING)

(slowly getting to know each other, developing relationship, really good characterization. i don’t usually go for soulmate fics, but this won me over.)

it'll take a better war by napricot

Tony lying to Steve about Pepper being pregnant that time Steve asked and derailing the entire Civil War plot in the process and effectively making the everything turn out for the better. And spends the entire time panicking that he lied to Captain America in the face. (Ship: Pepper/Tony) (COMPLETE, ONESHOT)

(it’s been a really long time since i’ve laughed so hard in a fic because tony stark is an absolute human disaster here and i can’t believe he exists. like wow.)

all warm-blooded creatures by nanasekei for JacarandaBanyan

SUMMARY: From a very early age, Steve Rogers was aware that he was going to die of cold. (2012 Steve dealing with the 21st century) (Ship: Tony/Steve) (COMPLETE, ONESHOT)

(this makes me so nostalgic of the 2012 era, though this was written in 2018. really good character analysis of steve and i’m always a sucker for that kind of content.)

Stormbreaker by ladylapislazuli

SUMMARY: (not endgame compliant) In which an attempt to destroy the Infinity Gauntlet sends Thor back in time, and a young Loki appears to be falling for him. (Ship: Thor/Loki) (ONGOING)

(i honestly don’t usually go for this ship, but it’s too good and the irony of this entire situation kills me. also, young Thor was such a little shit and older Thor agrees with me lol.)

Paradigm Shift by missgoalie75

SUMMARY: In which after saving the universe, Peter and Scott become friends and it weirdly enough shakes up the Avengers. (COMPLETE, ONESHOT)

(honestly, Scott completely won me over in this fic, he’s such a good dad. also, the fic addresses lots of the problematic things about marvel and i appreciate this fic a lot for it. no bashing either, thank god.)

Make Your Peace by thepartyresponsible

What-if scenario of Frank Castle meeting Clint Barton while still in the army and what could’ve happened differently. Punisher tv show compliant and introspective fic on Frank himself. (Ship: Frank/Clint) (COMPLETE, ONESHOT)

(i was not kidding when i said rare or just crack ships. this fic radiates frank feels and its glorious. also, Clint is such a little shit and Frank is a Good Man.)

I'm Headed for a Land That's Far Away by telm_393

SUMMARY: As a fugitive in Wakanda, Scott makes a place for himself as moral support, doing everything possible to keep the fact that he’s pretty much dead inside from the others. See, he’s been living with his mental issues for years, and he’s been pretending to be just fine for even longer, so if he lets himself get lost in everyone else’s commotion, he’ll be okay.…

Except no one can pretend to be okay forever, and Scott is rudely thrust into the spotlight by virtue of having a full-on mental breakdown and trying to kill himself while living in close quarters with five other people. It doesn’t work, so Scott decides to save his own life and face his past, present, and future head-on. Also, somewhere in all of this, Scott and Sam fall in love, because wars end, but life goes on. (Ship: Sam/Scott) (COMPLETE, ONESHOT)

(Putting up warnings for suicidal thoughts and heavy depression aside, I can't regret reading this. I felt so much, riding on this rollercoaster that looped and spiraled with my feelings, plummeting at the parts that made me feel drained, and rising in elation alongside Scott's state of being. This was a journey, an exploration of Scott Lang and I just, appreciate this so much, I really do. I want to remember this fic, give it a memorial as a sign of respect.)

[arianakristine]

alright here we go!! *cracks knuckles*. no 1, 2, 4, 8, 9, 10, 12, 15, 16, 17, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 30, 32, 33, 37, 38, 40. yes do it!

40 Questions - Meme for Shippers

Also, sorry this took so long, but also look how many hard questions you had for me!!!

1. Talk about the first ship you ever had.     My first ship was for Roswell. I was a little tiny Junior High-er, and loved Max and Liz so much. It was the first fandom I ever participated in, and the one that made me discover fanfiction on the computer in the computer room. Sigh, 2000. My very first (terrible) fics were written about these two. I think I even had an Angelfire webpage dedicated to them. I still read for this fandom occasionally.

2. Talk about three of the most important ships throughout your life.    Dreamer, because it was the first and the one that opened the door to fandom.     Then, not even a particular ship, but Heroes got me back into it after trying to leave it behind when I went to college.      Lastly, of course, Gremma. Because Gremma reignited my writing more than any other ship.

4. What’s your current NOTP?   Always Evil Huntsman, S/Q, and Swan/fire

8.Have you ever shipped yourself with a character?   Like, in fic? No. Did I love characters so much and want them to be mine? Sure, of course.

9. Do you have many ships that never got together at all?    Let’s see … not at all? I have a couple, yes. But I think most of my ships at least had canon romantic interest. 

10. Do you ship any characters that have never met?      Maybe Darcy/Loki, but that’s a minor ship.

12. Have you ever been disappointed when your ship finally got together?       YES.

15. Have you ever “shipped at first sight”?      Oh, absolutely and often.

Luke/Jessica, Pepperony, Chidi/Eleanor, Mike/Fi, Shules, … the list goes on. (shockingly, Gremma was a “I know this will happen” but took me an few eps to come to love as much as I do)

16. Talk about a ship you initially disliked.      Hmm, maybe Military Punk. I don’t think it was full-on dislike (because nothing with that first scene can truly be that), but I wasn’t into it at first. Dammit, Paul.

Also, Maeve and Hector. I thought I was going to love Dolores/Teddy when I first started Westworld, and was “meh” about everything else. Until maybe around 1x04, Dissonance Theory.

17. Talk about a pairing you’ve stopped shipping romantically.

       Nick and Jess, New Girl. It just got to the point where I was actively rooting for them to be BFFs instead.

21. Is there a ship you just don’t get, but have nothing against?      Captain Swan. *shrug* I tried.

22. Which of your ships have the best chemistry?       All my ships have amazeballs chemistry. Grrr, can’t pick.

23. Which of your ships deserve better writing?          Ha. Hahahahahahaha. Easy.

24. Do you mostly ship canon pairings?     Probably mostly ones that had shown romantic interest on screen. That doesn’t necessarily mean they were together forever, but at the very least there was a spark of canon interest.

25. Have you ever shipped a pairing before you even started watching the show/movie simply because of gifs and graphics or similar?       I thought of two for this. One was an easy Annamis, because they were so lovely and America gets things late on BBC (speaking of, will need to see Discovery of Witches, too). 

   But there was one that full-on shocked me. I occasionally peek into fandoms just to see about fic, and one time I stumbled on a Star Wars fic where a ship was just hinted at. And it started a craving for that ship, and I read a lot, and I even wrote a bit. But I had only seen the original trilogy once when I was a kid, and I think the second in the prequel series without my full attention. How this translated to Obidala? No clue.

30. Name a couple of fandoms in which you have no ships.      The Haunting of Hill House. I think the romantic relationships are fantastic and pretty layered for not being the focus, but my main love in this show is the family dynamics and character studies.      And I still haven’t figured out how I feel about it completely, but in that vein: Umbrella Academy. I like certain dynamics, but no ships.

32. Share five must-read fics. (THIS WAS HARD!!!)       At The Toll Bridge by a tattered rose. OUAT. Gremma fic, canon divergent. I love the cadence and the style of this fic so, so much. It’s so lovely and lilted, and on point. It’s got such texture and layer, and makes me want more.      The Good Kind/2 by ygrawn. Heroes. Molly’s POV when Mohinder takes over care after S1. Gosh, this one is beautiful. Such a tangible, relatable child’s perspective of all this craziness that happens, and highlights that beautiful found-family that Mohinder and Molly make.       Innocent by mockingbird39. Roswell. This is back when everything was on their own fanfic boards, and I had to do some digging to find it because it’s buried deep in there. But if there was a place to learn about where I got to my writing now? It’s likely this fic. Beautiful and nuanced … just a gorgeous fic.      I See The Light by la lisboa. Gremma. Is this cheating? I just have such a soft spot for this beautiful fic, and I love that I was able to get little sneak peaks while she was writing. Honestly, though, it is a fantastic fic, and one of the few multichapters finished for this ship (my own fault included there).      And I’ve been agonizing over this list too long, because I was trying to do different fandoms, but: Moats and Boats and Waterfalls by blueink3, because it is That Good. 

33. Name your favorite fanartist(s).      And not just because it’s you, but seriously you are one of them. I love your AUs as much as your canon gifsets, and your coloring is always beautiful.      lonesheep is another, for their beautiful drawings and graphic manips.      …basically all my Gremma people. We have some awesome fanartists in out midst.      I have to give it up to Sleeping Hook fanartists, because they are the only reason I ship it. I feel bad, because I can’t think of names, but basically just all of them.

37. Do you have a favorite trope and/or AU for your OTP?       :D :D :D   Yes. For Gremma, all the babies is my most common fic trope. And I die for forbidden romance Princess AUs, omg.

38. Do you like and use ship names?      Yep. I grew up in fandom with ship names, and while not all of my ships have one that I know of, I use them all the time for the ones that do.

40. If you could change one thing about your OTP, what would that be?      Oh, let me see, MAYBE THAT GRAHAM LIVED AND EVERYTHING WAS OKAY AND THEY HAD LOTS OF SEX AND BABIES???

[buddhasfanficdictatorship]

Fanfic Progress Update: Light at the End of the Tunnel and Going Forward (Part 2 of 2)

Part 1: Here

Sorry this took awhile get out, my lying ass said “a few days” last time, but a month is about the same amount of time... right? I’ve been busy trying to finish up a fic I wrote for a very helpful friend as a Christmas gift, which obviously isn’t late as crap now. Besides that, some unavoidable stuff came up (including having my phone containing writing notes totally crap out on me, internet issues, oh and almost becoming homeless because my landlord jacked up rent a bunch without notice, forcing me to try to sell my plasma and to scramble for money. That was fun. But that’s a whole other story).

I hope you’ll understand that real life troubles have to take priority. I know, it’s always excuses with me, sorry. I wish I could control my life and not have all this shit constantly come up too.

Okay, now that my customary pathetic excuses are out of the way let’s get down to business! First up? Fic progress updates! But PREPARE FOR AN ONSLAUGHT OF WORDS! (as if that’s anything new).

The Bonds That Never Break: The last piece of the “Birthday” chapters (which were originally supposed to be one but got split because all these issues) has had some progress (maybe 1/4 of the way) and won’t be a difficult undertaking finishing it up since I know what I want to do, but... Honestly I've hit a major roadblock with the fic beyond this point. My ideas for original stuff are coming up empty and simply rewriting the entire plot isn’t my plan (even now I think the ratio is too far skewed for canon content without enough additions of my own).

The problem as I said in my Author’s Notes of the most recent chapter is the format keeps me tied to the canon, which limits my options. I love the idea, but I can’t deny doing a faithful canon rewrite is a pain sometimes. And in the coming chapters my new ideas are pretty much nil beyond a few scattered chunks from the Konoha Crush arc to about halfway through Shippuden.

Side Note: I planned on skipping canon rewriting most of Shippuden. The fights with Akatsuki and such don’t really play into Naruto and Sasuke’s relationship and I’m not interested in doing that much extra legwork beyond the main focus of this fic. I only care about the dorks and their story and elements of the anime that deal with it. So beyond that, we’ll jump a bunch of that and go directly to the end, a new ending where they get together eventually, where everything will be new.

So me being stuck being the case, I MAY skip forward a ways to something more solidly planned and thought out, and come back later to fill in the gap. Maybe to the point after the ending where everything is my own creation so we can see the dorks repairing their relationship and just making out like they SHOULD have done from the start. We’ll see what happens. I’d be very interested in hearing reader’s opinions, maybe I’ll set up a poll to see what you you think.

I REALLY think I need to put this on hold for a while and watch the anime start to finish, to help inspire me and bring back my passion. I love these guys but over the last year and a half my interest has faded. I need to get back into the ship and reignite those feelings I first had when I started the show so I can channel that into better chapters.

The Horny Canine Boys of the Hidden Leaf Village: Having trouble with this one too. To put it in semi-simple terms, I know what I want in chapter A and chapter C, but connecting them together with chapter B is causing me issues. Haven’t started the next chapter yet (technically the conclusion to the most recent one, since I broke that up because I wasn’t finished and had gone so long without updates) but I do know what it will involve and have plenty of notes so it shouldn’t take TOO long. That being said, from there I’m not sure what to do. I might skip forward and do chapters later on in the story first since I have a clearer idea of what I want them to be. This fic is mostly porn without plot so it’s not like skipping around would matter that much, but it’s still pretty frustrating. Probably going to make a poll for this one too, to get reader’s opinions regarding to skip or not.

Dogs Keep it in the Family: Some progress on finishing up the update I cut short, mainly need to assemble all the parts and ideas together into a cohesive whole. So not too much work. The problem with this one is mainly issues of quality I have with it, content not meeting my expectations. I have plenty of notes and a few more chapters plotted out, it’s mainly just finding the occasions where I can get some good writing done. That aside there’s also a lot of questions beyond the first couple chapters of what I want to include that I’m not sure about. I need to think more about this one.

The Unorthodox Journey of a Pokemon Breeder Boy: The next chapter of the Charizard segment is roughly half way done. But I pushed this out way too soon mainly because I was so sick of it being constantly on my “To-do list” in an in-progress state during months and months of interruptions. Going forward though I’m not really sure what I want to do with it; I simultaneously have this grand vision, but an abnormal lack of concrete ideas for new chapters. I’ve had some little sparks of inspiration and prompts, but beyond that I’m just not feeling it flow into a greater idea.

Here’s my planned schedule for this round of updates. Thing’s could change, but I’ll make a notice if they do.

1. Untitled Inuyasha fic; Koga/Ginta/Hakkaku threesome. This is a gift for a friend I’ve been trying to finish for weeks now

2. The Bonds that Never Break. Last segment of the Birthday chapter

3. The Horny Canine Boys of the Hidden Leaf Village. Next half of the Dogs Will Play chapter. This one has the least recent update (and is by far my most read fic) so I might push it ahead.

4. Dogs Keep it in the Family. Last chunk of the Mother’s Stern Hand chapter

5. The Unorthodox Journey of a Pokemon Breeder Boy. Second half of the Charizard segment

Next are details of my plans going forward. It’s lengthy (it’s ME after all) but important so I’d recommend checking it out. Long story short: After updating each of my current fics, I’m temporarily switching over from the large projects above to one-shots for a time.

But I’ll still be writing and I’m not dropping any of those big fics! I just need a break from the intensive work they require.

On to other matters. If you’ve read my other insanely long updates (if you have you’re a trooper) you’ll know I haven’t been having a great time for a long while. If not, check Part 1 or older Progress Updates for more info. Long story short, I’m completely worn out from endless months and months of bullshit. Even though its FINALLY quieted down now, I still need a break.

You might say, “But you’ve been on hiatus for months!” That was because I could never get a night without fist fights or drunk parties or literal death threats being screamed all hours. That hiatus was because I couldn’t focus, because I was in a stressful situation and had no real alternative.

Now I’m saying I need some mental health time, a break from scrambling between fics that went without updates or had half finished chapters as compensation for that utter nonsense, trying to catch up and failing to get back to normal because of it. I went straight from that atmosphere into rapidly trying to get everything back up to speed, never taking a breather and celebrating my freedom. I need to take a few steps back and gather myself, actually breathe easy without fears of drunk assholes trying to break in to people’s apartments, before I jump back into things.

Because of all that crap, I had to make do with putting out lazy and poorly constructed work. It made me feel like a shitty writer and that I was letting readers down. I can’t express how awesome people who stuck by patiently waiting for updates, understanding I wasn’t in a great place, really are. But not doing my best made me feel like I wasn’t meeting expectations of people who had been so nice. Yes it’s just fanfiction, maybe I’m getting dramatic, but still.

I’m so sick of putting out half-assed or incomplete chapters and fics. Rushing from one to another, scrambling to make updates that aren’t complete or as polished as I would like, leaving this trail of disappointment behind me. I look at what I’ve produced lately and I’m just so deeply unhappy with the quality. Most of that was the horrible situation I was in, but now it’s my haste, like I’m trying to do 5 things at once to catch up now that things are okay and none end up great. I appreciate dearly readers supporting me and being understanding all this time. But when you KNOW you can do better and aren’t meeting your own expectations it’s very frustrating. I take my writing, even if it IS only fanfiction, seriously. I feel a commitment to making the best chapters for people who enjoy what I do.

These big projects are so exhausting, so much work tweaking them just right. All the effort and time I spend has just worn me out. It’s gotten to the point that I’m starting to resent working on them, it feels like an obligation. I rush through stuff trying to make everyone happy and in the end my work suffers. It’s tough to make good stuff when it feels like a chore. And that’s never a good mentality to have when writing. I’m not doing my best work when it’s not fun.

Add to that the fact that my notes are an ABSOLUTE CLUSTER FUCKING MESS. Bits and pieces of stories saved in Google Docs, on my phone, and written in spirals, scattered everywhere. There are things for both Canine Boys and Bonds that I didn’t write down when I was breezing through work that I have now forgotten in my haste to churn out dwindling chapters and struggle with all the bullshit that had overwhelmed my life. That’s a big problem.

For example. In Canine Boys I know what I want to do with chapters 5 and 7, but my notes on 6 are paltry and I have since forgotten what I wanted to do. Problematic, even if it is just porn.

And there are pieces to the planned ending of Bonds that are hazy and difficult to remember because of the time that has passed, mental stress, and lack of organization. I need to get things in order first thing.

No joke, when I look at all my future plans and mess of notes, sometimes I get micro-panic attacks. Because there’s just SO MUCH to do, SO MUCH I need to plan and write, and oh god what did I forget this time, ugh I can’t figure out how to move on and do the next chapter, I can’t remember what good thing I planned for this and I’m disappointing my readers!!! ect. It’s truly overhauling sometimes. And it’s not pleasant or an effective way of writing. I need to get this mess sorted out, lay back and have some brainstorming to fix all those plot and continuity issues.

As if that wasn’t enough, my phone had loads of good things saved on it, ideas for both Bonds and Canine Boys that were GREAT and necessary to moving the stories forward. Well a few days ago it totally crapped out and I can’t access it. Losing the notes saved on my phone has left me pretty bummed. It’s like a knife in the heart. Because I had SO. MANY. GOOD. IDEAS. ON. THERE. And the thought of them just gone makes me just want to give up because I worry I won’t ever come up with something to match and replace all that was lost.

So yeah, I need to take a step away from these big works. All that being said, I’m not on hiatus anymore. More like semi-hiatus. I’m taking a break from “serious” writing, from these huge projects (all 4 current fics would count) and switching over to some smaller one shots in the meantime. I need time to recoup and rest and actually celebrate my newfound peace and quiet without deadlines. I want to work for a while with worrying about timely updates or letting readers down with quality issues. I’m going to take a breather, regain my confidence, organize my disaster notes, and come back strong, RATHER than keep limping along as I have been.

SO, once I make one more update to each of those 4 fics, I’ll be putting them off to the side for a while and focusing on simpler one shots. Hopefully people will check those out too, it’s still me and my style, just smaller (and a friend joked that I don’t do small projects. A one shot for me is like 10-20k words).

After these updates, which in all honesty won’t be my greatest work, not that I’ve been excelling for a while, I am DONE doing shoddy unfinished work. No more.

Once these chapters are out I’ll be shifting to one shots for a temporary cool down so I can gather my thoughts and organize my ideas. This should mean when I come back to these the quality is better, my inspiration is restarted, and I can get back on track writing fluidly instead of struggling.

I have no idea how long this period of smaller works could last. I would estimate anywhere between 3-9 months, since I want a more long term period of separation. Too much focus and worrying has made dealing with them tedious, I just don’t want to have to worry about them for a bit.

As you can see from teh Future Ideas section of my Masterlist I have LOOOTS of ideas. A good number of WIPs were recently inspired by my friend Ren and his beautiful, dirty mind. No I am not working on all those works in the Future Ideas at the same time, this is just a list of ideas that have popped into my head over time. Some may eventually be dropped if I can’t work them properly, but I do have a good chunk of progress already done on a number of those, while others have a few paragraphs written, and some are pretty much a premise and a few sentences.

Do not expect all those to be finished soon. This is a VERY VERY long term look at my plans. Like, over the few years or more probably, knowing how slow I write and how annoyingly perfectionist I am. I will likely shift priorities around between all these as new ideas inspire me or old fics require attention, but from now on I plan on trying to focus the bulk of my attention on 2 or 3 projects at once. Sort of like an assembly plant; one fic in pre-production, one in the process of being built, and one getting the final touches. That way I can churn things out more efficiently. I think that's a much better way to balance all my fics than rushing to and fro manically.

DO NOT WORRY! Just because I have all these future plans doesn’t mean I’m abandoning any of my current fics; Bonds that Never Break, Canine Boys, Dogs Keep it in the Family, and Journey of a Pokemon Breeder Boy will still get attention and I have plenty of thoughts, notes, and plans for those going forward. This list of fic ideas is just a glimpse into my thought process and future plans, in addition to somewhere I can keep readers updated with my priorities (I’ll make updates here as well).

I know what you’re probably thinking. “Oh great, more fics you won’t update on time.” Or “Perfect, the one I like is being pushed aside by this new stuff.” Remember this semi-hiatus is only temporary. Most of the ideas I have in mind are one shots. And they aren’t as intensive as my current works, they’re a much needed break so I can refocus and collect ideas for the major projects. I’m not abandoning ANYTHING, NONE of my fics are getting dropped. I’m just taking a more long term view of things so I can stay in shape.

I’m deeply sorry if some people don’t want to deal with that and jump ship, I completely understand your frustration. I fully expect to lose some readers, much as that pains me. But most importantly I need to do what’s right for me.

There’s a saying, “The candle that that burns twice as bright burns half as long.” I’m at that point. I don’t want to burn bright with a few good chapters and end up burning myself out before really finishing anything.