#I haven’t even gotten into the rest of my opinion on those blogs

[teeth-farie]

You know. It does kinda grind my gears that those ‘fem DNI’ blogs CONTINUALLY interact with me and my work. It’s so incredibly invalidating gender wise as well because I keep having to rephrase that I AM a woman. Yes I identify as non-binary was well, but I still consider myself and identify as a woman and have ties to womanhood (me being a lesbian). So I’m a woman in my own way, and I’d appreciate it if people ACKNOWLEDGED THAT.

All in all, if I can’t interact with you, don’t interact with me

[ask-tay-relic]

Something to share with you all. [Important and Personal]

It’s nothing really ‘new’ - and those who’ve known me either personally or since the creation of the blog won’t be surprised, or heck maybe you’ve even assumed this;;

But I’ve been thinking about it for a few months now, and I feel like I have to be honest with you... Not that it is a secret? Or that I’ve ever lied?

Ahhh pardon my anxiety. I do not know if your opinions of me will change, and it took a great deal of though to come to terms with ‘If they do not like me, for me, then I have lost nothing.’

Before I ramble, I’ll just rip the bandaid off- I am transgender, 

I am male, AFAB, I have been ‘out’ publicly for the last 7 years, and have been on HRT for 3 (as of this march). I have a wonderful support network of my two wives, and my twin sister and mother. I have lost all contact with my remaining blood relations.

The reason I left for so long at the death of my grandfather, was the fact that he was the only male figure in my life who supported and loved me; I was his grandson through and through and he defended me from the rest of my family (who I have now cut ties with). He was proud of me and was not afraid to stand up to them, and he taught me many things about what it is to be ‘A Duke’s son’ (My last name is Duke) Ah, sorry. Rambling,

My poor health is no lie, I was born 4 months premature and I have had many many things wrong with my body cause of that fact - over the last 3 years however in taking Testoterone shots, my body has actually gotten much healthier. I am able to walk, I am able to go outside and feel the sun on my skin without getting sick, and my chronic pain has lessened only to when we have hardy storms. My heart is still iffy, and that’s most of what my doctors and I have been dealing with - trying to find a balance of T to keep all those benefits, without overloading my heart.

The surgery I’ve been talking about is Top-Surgery (As some have assumed :D) and while I have funding approved, I still have to get my health cleared a bit more. But it is something that is deeply important to me :D - so if you see me talking about ‘medication’ or ‘the surgery’ you now know I am talking about my T-shots and Top-surgery.

I am sharing this.... cause I...

I realized that I haven’t shared it due to my fears, it hurts so much to be disowned. To lose people who you thought would always be there for you, y’know?

But, if I have to compromise who I am, just to make people who won’t respect me (and often those I care about) then... then I lose nothing.

So, if in learning this about me, you wish to cut ties with me then I am sorry for your loss; I wish you well in life and harbor no ill feelings \o/ You will always be welcomed back if your feelings change!

I am proud of who I am. I am proud of how I got here, and I would rather people see me and respect me for me, then hide behind a fear of ‘being normal’.

Thank you for reading \o/ and I hope you have a wonderful day!

[i-did]

Do you know when the racism and ableism accusations against Nora started? Because back when I was active in 2016/2017 and don't think they were a thing, or were very low-key. Was it something she said or are people just basing it off the things she wrote in the books?

From what I remember, the first time I heard the blanket statement of “Nora is racist/fetishizes gay men” blanket statement was early fall 2019 (which is so ironic for the fandom to say on so many levels lmao). There wasn’t a catalyst or anything, just she went offline 2016 and no new content was coming out and the aftg fandom is such an echo chamber that… an accidental smear campaign happened.

 Before then, I would see occasional “Nora used ableist slur” which��� is funny (not that ableism isn’t serious) to me people care more about that than Seth saying the f-slur. IMO this is because with Seth, it clearly shows the character thinking it and not the author who is writing about what will be an end game mlm relationship. 

But anyways! Long story short, it's the fact that she’s an ace/aro woman who wrote a mlm book, and based off of the events in canon. There is no “Nora called me/someone else a slur” it’s “Nora wrote a book where slur(s) are used” and “the Moriyama’s are Japanese.”

Below I put my own opinion on these claims and go into more detail:

CW for discussions of: racism, ableism, mlm fetishization

Fetishization: (and mentions of sexism at the end)

To one question in the EC about her inspo for aftg she jokingly responded how she wanted to write about gay athletes. On other parts of your blog you could see she was a hockey fan and an overall sports fan (anime or otherwise) but I've seen this statement taken out of context and framed as “she's one of those BOYXBOY” shippers. Considering how… well-developed both Andrew and Neil’s relationship is, and it takes them until like the 3rd book and there is a whole complex ass plot going on around, you can see how that's just. Not really true. And considering the fandom is like… 85% women (queer women but still women) and I've gotten into a discussion with someone who is a woman and called Nora a fetishizer and was ignoring my opinions as a mlm, and I really just wanted to say “well what does that make you?” it's a very ironic high horse. She didn’t write 3 all 3 books to put Neil in lingerie pwp or crop-top fem-fatal fashion show, fandom did. 

Also, I talked to an ace/aro friend about this, and she talked to me about how AFTG spoke to her very much so as an ace/aro story. Neil is demisexual, Nora didn’t know of the word at the time of reading it, but she did get an anon asking if Neil was demi after, and she said “had to look it up, and yep, but he doesn't really think about it” (paraphrased). Obviously it would have been cool if andreil were canonly written as wlw by Nora instead, (which would have increased the amount of wlw rep and demi rep) but tbh I don’t think tumblr would have cared about it nearly as much and everyone would just call Neil a cold bitch–like people do with Nora’s other published book with a main character who's a woman. Plus they're her OC’s, not mine. 

The fact is that 50% of all LGBT+ rep in literature is mlm, mostly white mlm, and not written by mlm. I’m not going to hold her to a higher standard than everyone else, she already broke a shit ton of barriers in topics she discusses that otherwise get ignored. I’m grateful to these books for existing even if it's a mlm story written by a woman. I still will prioritize reading mlm written by mlm–and vice versa with wlw– in the way I prioritize reading stories about POC written by POC. But credit where credit is due, this is a very good story, and a very good demi story. 

Ableism:

To me, AFTG is a story about ableism and how we perceive some trauma survivors more worthy than others. Neil and the foxes using ableist language shows how people actually talk. Neil thinks shitty things about Andrew, like the others do too, and thinks he's “psycho”. The story ultimately deconstructs this idea and these perceptions of people. Wymack, someone who says the r-slur (which is still not known by the general population as a slur even in 2021 much less the early 2000s when the book was beginning to be written and what the timeline is based off of) is a character who understands Andrew better than most of the others do, and gives him the most sympathy and understanding despite using words like the m-slur and r-slur. Using these words isn't good, but it is how people talk, and this character talks. Wymack is a playful “name caller” especially when he’s mad, the foxes think Andrew is “crazy” and incapable of humanity and love because of it. They call his meds “antipsychotics” as an assumption and insult in a derogatory way, when really antipsychotics are a very helpful drug for some people who need them. Even Neil thinks these things about Andrew until he learns to care about him. All the foxes are hypocritical to am extent, as people in real life tend to be. Nora herself doesn’t use these or tweet them or something, her characters do to show aspects of their personality and opinions and how they change over time.

Racism:

As for the racism, I've seen people talk about how racial minorities being antagonists is inherently bad, which I think lacks nuance but overall isn't a harmful statement or belief. However, Nora herself said she wrote in the yakuza instead of another gang or mob because she was inspired for AFTG by sports anime, (which often queer-bait for a variety of reasons). I haven’t seen a textual analysis acknowledging the racist undertones surrounding the Moriyama’s as the few characters of color who are also major antagonists, but instead just “Nora is racist”. Wymack having shitty flame tribal tattoo’s is just… a huge 90’s thing and a part of his character design. Her having a character with bad taste in tattoo trends doesn’t mean she's racist. There is the whole how Nicky is handled thing, but that's a whole thing on it’s own. The fandom… really will write Nicky being all “ai ai muy spicy, jaja imma hit on my white–not annoying like me–boyfriend in Spanish. With my booty hole out and open for him ofc.” and as a Mexican mlm I’m like … damn alright. 

I think there is merit to the fact that she writes white as the default* and unless otherwise stated a POC a character was written with the intent to be white is another valid criticism, as well as the fact that the cast is largely white, but everything Nora is accused of I've seen the fandom do worse. That goes to the debate of, is actively writing stereotypes for POC more harmful than no representation at all? And personally I prefer the lack of established race line that lets me ignore Nora’s canon intent of characters to be white and come up with my own HC’s over the fandoms depictions of “zen monk Renee with dark past” “black best friend Matt who got over drugs but is a puppy dog” “ex stripper black Dan who dates Matt” vague tokenism. I HC many of the upperclassmen as POC and do my best to actively give thought behind it and have their own arcs that also avoids the fandom colorism spectrum of “darkest characters we HC go to the back and fandom favorites are in the front and are the lightest.” 

*I however won't criticize her harsher or more than… everyone else who still largely does this in fanfiction regarding AFTG as well as literature in general. This isn't a Nora thing, it's a societal thing, and considering the books came out in like 2014 I'm not gonna hold her to a higher standard than the rest of the world. She's just someone who wrote her personal OC’s and self-published expecting no following. I don’t know her race and I’m not gonna hold her to a higher standard than everyone else just because. 

The criticisms I've seen have always been… ironic IMO, and clearly I have a lot of thoughts on it. I think most people say those things about Nora because they heard them, and it's the woke thing to say and do and don’t critically analyze their actions or anything, but just accept them. 

[atsumumiyasimpgirltm]

Never Too Old For Science (The Only Exception) [Kei Tsukishima x Reader)

Pairings: Kei Tsukishima x Reader

Warnings: Karasuno Crackheads

Genre: Fluff

Type: Oneshot

Word Count: 2048

A/N: I wrote this a while ago before I formed this blog, but I thought it was super cute so I had to post it. 

-----------------------------------------------------

“Um, are you people in high school?” The attendant asked, skeptically looking the Karasuno volleyball team up and down. Groups of children and their parents turned towards the group, unable to keep their shock in at how tall they were.

It was definitely not fun being scrutinized by small children.

“Yeah, we’re all under eighteen, and our guardians are here,” Tanaka responded, gesturing to Asahi, Daichi, and Sugawara. 

“They’re wearing the same jacket as the rest of you,” the attendant argued back. “If you’re all under eighteen we need a supervisor for this group!”

“I’m eighteen, and so are they,” Daichi cut in. “Please let us in.”

“You’re holding the line up! I want to see the penguins!” Noya jumped in the air and attempted to sprint past the attendant until Daichi grabbed him by the collar to stop him.

“Calm down, Nishinoya,” Asahi chided. 

The attendant obviously didn’t want to have to deal with the Karasuno team anymore, so reluctantly, he opened the gate for them to walk through.

The California Academy of Science was an architectural wonder, with glass pane windows completely making up the entrance and a ceiling that seemed to never end. 

Kei hooked his fingers with yours so he wouldn’t lose you among the children that were your height. As he pulled you towards him, you spotted a short boy in dinosaur pajamas staring at the both of you with wide, brown eyes. 

You locked eye contact with him and smiled. He turned away, embarrassed that he was caught staring (I guess children can feel shame after staring).

“Come on, we have to go put our bags down,” he said, adjusting the shoulder strap on his own bag, trying to pull you with him.

You had other ideas. 

“Kei, look,” you pulled at your boyfriend’s hand. “Alligator.”

“Haven’t you been here before?” He asked, placing his hand at the small of your back to lead you along with the rest of the team. 

“Of course I have,” you responded. “It’s just that every time I come here I feel like I’m six again.”

He scoffed and rolled his eyes. “You’re so childish.”

“Says the one that’s holding a twelve-inch Brachiosauraus stuffed animal,” you shot back. 

He looked towards the roof and flushed pink. “Be quiet.”

~

The volleyball team walked through the Academy of Science, with the exception of Tanaka and Nishinoya who ran.

“I HAVE NEVER BEEN SO EXCITED ABOUT LEARNING THINGS IN MY LIFE!” Nishinoya screamed, running out of site with the hollering Tanaka.

“Imagine if he was as invested in his school work as he is in running through here,” Kei snarkily commented. 

You smiled, trying to hold in a laugh. “That’s a little mean,” you told him. 

“You’re smiling,” he observed, smirking back at you. 

You stopped smiling immediately, and with a straight face, said: “No, I’m not.”

Kei touched your cheek. “You should smile more, it’s not the most annoying thing you do.”

“I’ll take that as a compliment,” you grinned at him, doing as he requested a second ago. 

From the edge of your vision, you saw the same kid in the dinosaur pajamas, watching you and Kei again. Learning from your first experience with him, you didn’t look back, instead nudging your boyfriend. 

You whispered to him, “Don’t look, but do you see to the left?” You paused, waiting for him to side-eye to the left. “There’s a kid who keeps looking at us.”

“We should tell him to stop staring, it’s rude,” he opened his mouth to warn the child, but you slapped your hand over his mouth. 

“You’re rude, don’t tell him off, he’s probably in elementary school,” you scolded. 

“This is how being with Hinata, Nishinoya, and Tanaka feels,” Kei made a face, “Children are no exception, especially when they’re annoying.”

“He’s not hurting us, just staring,” this time you were the one to drag Kei, “Let’s go before you scare the kids.”

Reluctantly, Kei followed you, leaving the creepy child behind. 

~

You and the team had gotten yourselves situated in the aquarium exhibit, and most of the boys had already run off to the gift shop to buy things, or to the cafeteria to take advantage of the free food. 

“I didn’t know Hinata could jump even higher,” you remembered what had happened five minutes earlier. “Free food really gets people going. We should go get some.”

“I’m fine,” Kei unrolled his sleeping bag and took a t-shirt out of his bag. He began to lift the shirt he was wearing over his head-

“Don't change here! There are people,” you hissed, lightly backhanding him on the arm. “Besides, I brought pajamas for both of us.” You grinned and fished around your bag for the two onesies at the bottom. Taking them out, you threw the significantly bigger one at Kei. 

“We’re going to look so cute,” you gushed. 

“What the hell is this?” Kei asked. “Tell me you didn’t do what I think you did.”

“Get us matching dinosaur onesies?” You paused for a dramatic effect. “Yes, I did.”

“You don’t actually expect me to wear this, do you?” He skeptically said.

“For me, please,” you pleaded, looking up at him.

“This is stupid,” Kei said but went to the bathroom to change anyways.

~

You pushed the door out and saw Kei waiting for you. 

“I can’t believe I’m doing this,” he complained. “How did you get me to do this?”

“You’re a pushover for me,” you hugged him. “Don’t worry, we look cute.”

“Matching onesies,” a third voice said, “What a coupley thing.”

You and Kei both looked in the direction of the voice and saw Nishinoya with his phone out. “We should make a team scrapbook, I bet the photographers at the games will gladly give us pictures.”

“Now you will forever be immortalized in this dinosaur onesie,” you told Kei. 

He raised his eyebrows in an annoyed manner and looked at Nishinoya. “Give me the phone.”

“Sorry, Tsukishima. The answer is no,” he smiled. 

“Give me the phone,” Tsukishima started to step towards Nishinoya. 

Nishinoya dashed down the hallway in the direction back towards the aquarium. You and Kei followed him back. 

There, Nishinoya was showing Sugawara the picture he took of you and Kei.

“That’s cute,” Sugawara commented on the onesies. “I like it.”

“Can you stop commenting?” Kei asked, “It’s annoying.” He was gone as soon as he came, the hood of his onesie lightly hitting his back as he walked around the corner. 

This time, you didn’t follow. 

~

Around 3 AM, you rolled over and were met with a flat sleeping bag where your salty boyfriend was supposed to be.

Groggily, you panicked. “Oh my god, did I crush Kei?” you whispered. “It’s not Flat Stanley anymore, it’s Flat Kei.” 

You moved your hand over the sleeping bag, and thankfully, he was not there. 

Everyone around you was asleep, so you carefully stepped over the sleeping bodies to go look for Kei. 

“Where could he be?” You thought out loud. 

Butterflies? That exhibit was closed.  

Aquarium? You were in the aquarium, and he didn’t even like fish that much. 

Penguins? It was too cold there, he bundled up in sixty-degree weather. There was no way he would willingly spend the night in a temperature-controlled room that was consistently cold. 

That left you with two exhibits that were still open, The Space exhibit and the Dinosaur exhibit. 

Out of those two, you knew exactly where he would be. 

You looked at the signs and blindly followed them to the exhibit. 

There, in the Jurassic period, sat Kei with another person, the boy in the dinosaur pajamas.

“The dinosaur you stole from me? That’s a brachiosaurus, and it lived in the late Jurassic period,” Kei explained. “They were about 75 feet long.”

“How do you know so much about dinosaurs?” A small voice asked. “That’s so cool!” 

“You’d be the first and only person to ever think that.” 

You considered interrupting, but you wanted to see how this played out. 

“Who was the person with you earlier?” The boy asked, tugging on Kei’s arm.

“That was (Y/n),” Kei said. “They gave me this dinosaur onesie.”

“I want a dinosaur onesie,” the boy said.

“Ask (Y/n), then.”

Kei and the boy sat next to each other in silence for a couple of minutes, the boy hugging the brachiosaurus stuffed animal, and Kei reading the information board presented in front of one of the exhibits. 

“Come over here, (Y/n),” Kei said without turning towards you. “I just saw your reflection in the glass.”

You had been caught. Without making a sound, you sat on Kei’s other side. He put his hand on top of yours and looked towards you with a soft smile. The smile reserved only for you. This was probably one of the more tender moments the two of you shared. After about a minute of staring at each other, you and Kei were interrupted by the other person on the bench. 

“Why are you so short?” The boy blurted. “I thought high school people were supposed to be tall.”

“Excuse me?” You asked. 

“He said, ‘why are you so short?’” Kei repeated back with a smirk. “I can’t answer that question, nor can I relate to being short.”

“Forget dinosaurs, we need to go to the genetics display,” you rolled your eyes, but didn’t scold the boy. It wasn’t a question asked in a malicious or teasing manner, just a kid with no filter. The boy stood in front of you to get a better look at you. 

“Woah, how are you and this guy friends?” The kid asked. “You’re so. . . good looking!” 

This time, it was Kei’s turn to be shocked. 

“What are you insinuating?” Kei questioned. “Are you saying I’m not good enough?” 

“Come on Kei, this kid is like what? Five?” You laughed as quietly as you could. “Does his opinion matter that much to you?” 

“No, but-”

“Then don’t worry about it.”

You smiled at Kei, and he couldn’t help but break out into his own smile. 

“That’s how my parents look at each other,” the boy said. 

You couldn’t help it, you let out a howl of laughter. “Oh my god,” you spat out between laughs.

Kei was not so amused. 

“It’s late, shouldn’t you be in your sleeping bag?” He asked, shooing the boy away. 

The boy stared him down for a moment, then hopped off the bench, and began walking towards the Cretaceous section.

“I’d like my brachiosaurus back,” Kei said. 

The boy ran back, and reluctantly handed Kei the dinosaur. 

It was just you and him now.

“Do you really like me?” He asked, catching your attention. 

You were taken aback by his question. “Of course! Otherwise I wouldn’t put up with you and your bad attitude!” 

He snorted, and lightly shoved you. “You eat all of my food and take all of my clothes.”

“Well to be fair, it’s my food after I eat it, and you give me your sweatshirts after forgetting them at my house.”

“I did not give you my Karasuno jacket,” he playfully argued. 

“That’s an exception.”

“You’re an exception,” Kei said, then sighed. “You’re the only exception I’ll ever make.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” You closed your eyes and breathed in the air. It was fresh, the room being temperature controlled. 

“You can decide,” he leaned closer to you. 

You opened your eyes quickly. “You’re so sappy sometimes.”

“Way to ruin the moment,” he pulled back and rolled his eyes. 

“We have a long time to have moments, okay?” You told him. “Unless you’re planning on finding another exception.”

Kei was silent, staring at the rich green foliage in the display, and the small, glass box with the dinosaur footprint. You looked to him, and he must have seen, because the side of his mouth pulled up slightly. Content with what you had, you leaned into his side, and he put his left arm around you, pulling you closer. 

It was just you, Kei, and the dinosaurs. 

Your breathing slowed, and you relaxed, your mind going foggy before you felt tired.

After a lengthy, but comfortable silence, Kei had assumed you were asleep.

People were always more honest when they thought no one was listening, you learned.

“I’ll never find another exception,” he had whispered. “You’re the only exception I’ll ever have.”

With your eyes closed, you exhaled lightly and smiled slightly. 

The only exception.

 To you, it was a beautiful thought. 

[child-of-hurin]

So I’m thinking of a Narn AU where Húrin isn’t set on Thangorodrim and remains a prisoner in the fortress. His children are still cursed and he is still regularly shown images of them but it doesn’t take up all his time as it does in canon. I bring this up because I was curious what you think about how much of the bad things that befall Túrin and Niënor were explicitly planned before. Because I’ve always thought that the compelled incest part was at least in some way planned before and was very specifically about Húrin watching the ruining of his bloodline (which goes back to my other cursed HCs) in addition to the suffering it would bring his children.

Anyways no pressure to answer or anything I was just curious if this was something you had thought about

-@outofangband

(Disclaimer: I haven’t read much of the HoME besides what pertains the Narn, meaning I haven’t read any extended material on Melkor and so on.)

Honestly this is a very interesting question that I have posed myself before. It brings to mind this passage:

[Transcript:

Report of the Dragon-helm in the land west of Sirion came swiftly to the ear of Morgoth, and he laughed, for now  (1) Túrin was revealed to him again, who had long been lost in the shadows and under the veils of Melian. (2) Yet he began to fear that Túrin would grow to such a power that the curse that he had laid upon him would become void, and he would escape the doom that had been designed for him, or else that he might retreat to Doriath and be lost to his sight again. (3) Now therefore he had a mind to seize Túrin and afflict him even as his father, to torment him and enslave him.]

My conclusions here are:

(1) Melkor’s ‘eye’, which Húrin had been forced to access as well, couldn’t penetrate Doriath under Melian’s power. Makes me think the whole time Túrin was growing up, Melkor had Húrin watch Morwen and Nienor’s growing misery in Dor-Lómin instead?

(2) Everyone has talked about this a hundred times because it is so incredible. So the doom was defeatable? So, cosmically speaking, there was some validation in Túrin’s methods of seeking war and power? Much to think about

(3) This bit is the only passage I can recall where instead of vague threats, the text gives us a concrete plan of Melkor’s for this family. When he sets Glaurung forth, we have absolutely no idea whether his actions were meticulously planned by Melkor, a mastermind, or just strokes of Glaurung’s own evil creative genius as derivated from Melkor’s will or whatever.

So. My opinion is that it isn’t a plan. First and foremost because I hate the anime villain type who was secretly controlling all the variables of the game, but also because I genuinely don’t get this aesthetic from Melkor/Tolkien. Melkor’s power is godlike; it doesn’t come from logic control over the material world, but from a more intimate relationship with what makes the material world itself. 

Thinking of two events: one, when Melkor releases Húrin. Melkor has changed and posioned Húrin’s spirit, but Húrin isn’t aware of that. Húrin still hates Melkor, but, as we see in the Wanderings, he is still an agent of Melkor (to use a term @promin-blog​ used in [that interesting meta post you reblogged recently]). Compare that to Niënor, to whom something very similar happens: Glaurung poisons her spirit and then sets her free.

In my understanding, in neither of those two situations did Melkor or Glaurung know exactly what was going to be the outcome; they just knew it was going to be bad for their captives, and thus, good for them. Melkor is a being of chaos against the benign order of the world, so he fundamentally gains from an increase in the chaos, or a corruption in the order of the world. So when he explains the curse to Húrin, he says:

‘You say it,’ said Morgoth. ‘I am the Elder King: Melkor, first and mightiest of all the Valar, who was before the world, and made it. The shadow of my purpose lies upon Arda, and all that is in it bends slowly and surely to my will. But upon all whom you love my thought shall weigh as a cloud of Doom, and it shall bring them down into darkness and despair. Wherever they go, evil shall arise. Whenever they speak, their words shall bring ill counsel. Whatsoever they do shall turn against them. They shall die without hope, cursing both life and death.’

I take that at face value in terms of, this is literally how it works. He didn’t know exactly that Húrin would kill Mîm, bring the Nauglamír to Thingol, then fight with his once-beloved Haladin kin and cause their destruction, just like I don’t think Glaurung knew Niënor would find Túrin, fall in love with him and have his child. BUT they knew releasing these poisoned agents would benefit their cause one way or another. (I do think Melkor presumed correctly that Húrin might try to find Gondolin though! Hence the spies). So I guess I don’t agree with you that the incest was pre-planned, although I do think the ruining of Húrin’s bloodline was definitely a huge point that, in Melkor’s mind, was probably inevitable. If Túrin had, say, had a baby with Finduilas, Melkor would have gotten a hold of that baby too, at some point... I think when he says he is the master of the Fates of Arda, he means that his will has too powerful a hold over Arda to be broken, and not, necessarily, that he controls every detail of it.

That makes me think of that passage you mentioned recently in your blog:

“But ever the Noldor feared most the treachery of their own kin who had been thralls in Angband; for Morgoth used some of them for his evil purposes, and feigning to give them liberty sent them abroad; but their wills were chained to his and they strayed only to come back to him again” (”Of the Ruin of Beleriand”, p188, The Silmarillion)

It makes me wonder how many of these elves were, like Maeglin, aware of their own collaboration, and how many might have hated Melkor their whole lives while still being agents of his will 😬

It’s a super depressing thing, this possiblity that the Narn puts forth, of an otherwise free person being permanently and inescapably ruined for as long as you hold your material existance in this realm. It is the ultimate corruption of free will, because it means no matter which choices you make, they will always come to evil. You’re helpless: intent doesn’t matter, hard work doesn’t matter. I think it’s fitting with Melkor being a god, after all! That’s why it’s relevant that out of the five members of this family, only one is directly murdered by Melkor’s actions. The others take their own lives, although more indirectly in the case of Morwen - the only one who “was not conquered”. The rest of them, Túrin, Nienor, and Húrin, end up choosing death as an escape, and I think it is in a way because they ultimately understand that Melkor is playing on a godlike level that they, as mortals, cannot reach.

WHICH BRINGS ME TO ANOTHER DEPRESSING THING. We, as readers, have the benefit of knowing that Mandos exists and Eru exists and the Ainulindale happened. We have also read about Beren’s spirit lingering in Mandos waiting for Lúthien. So we ASSUME there is an afterlife for the second-born. We know Tolkien envisioned that, spiritual man that he was. But in the narrative, mortals themselves don’t have any reassurance of that! 

So this exchange here becomes even more chilling:

So? 

Did he lie?

[mediocre--writing]

I saw your plea and knew this was my time to shine 😤 could you do a Neville long bottom x reader fic where the reader is confident and outgoing and he has a secret crush? I feel like it’s borderline cliche at this rate but I cant get enough of the trope 😫😫😫 I love love love your blog by the way!

Summary: Neville feels insecure compared to his longterm crush, Y/n.

Word Count: 1605

Warnings: none

Neville was shy.

This was not a secret to anyone in Hogwarts.

He blushed and hid his face at any attention, he didn’t speak loudly or draw attention to himself, and he most definitely didn’t make an effort to have large groups of friends.

But he admired those who did, Y/n, for example, was someone he enjoyed watching flutter around the great hall during meals, talking to anyone in any house, regardless of what year they were in.

She was spectacular in every way.

Her smile was unparalleled, her confidence shone brighter then anyone’s, and she thrived in large groups.

She was so incredible because she was nothing like him. Nothing compared to how pathetic he felt when he’d watch her laugh across the room, nothing like how he was unable to speak to anyone about anything, since his interests were limited and he feared other’s opinions rather than just living as he wished.

He felt the most inferior to her when they began the DA in 5th year.

Of course she would be invited, everyone loved her and she was close to Hermione grade-wise, so she would probably excel in learning new spells and dueling anyone.

Neville loved watching her talk with the other members, never catching her eye, because who on Earth would look at him when there were so many other options?

As of now, she was giggling with the twins, who were betting on Ron and Hermione’s duel. Her eyes were sparkling in the soft lights of the Room of Requirement and she felt like a magnet, drawing eyes to her without trying.

Neville was so lost in his trance that he didn’t realize that Harry had called for everyone to join in.

He was shaken out of his trance, however, when he felt a warm hand on his shoulder, he turned to face Harry, who was looking around the room for someone to practice with neville.

Because again, who would want him?

Neville felt like dying before he heard someone respond to Harry’s request for anyone without a partner.

But not just anyone.

Y/n… ‘s friend, Pepper, he believes her name is. She’s in Gryffindor, though, maybe a year older than him.

Pepper was a bit more on the shy side, like Neville, but she still hung around in large groups, with Y/n, and though Neville had never searched for her explicitly, he knew of her from watching Y/n.

It wasn’t that awful.

Really!

Neville, as bad as he was at spell-casting, was better than Pepper was, though he wasn’t sure if she was really trying all that hard in the first place.

The meeting was over sooner than he’d expected, though a part of him felt like he’d been there for years.

“So, Neville, what do you do?”

Neville looked up at Pepper, who was twiddling with her wand while watching him with a small smile, “Do you play quidditch or anything, I know you’re not on the Gryffindor team, but do you play?”

“I’ve never really had much luck with brooms,” Neville blushed, of course, “It looks fun, but it’s a bit stressful, if you ask me,”

Pepper giggled, “Well you should try to fly, you know it’s really exhilarating once you get the hang of it.”

“I guess,”

It was getting awkward now.

“My friend can teach you, she’s really great, on her house team and everything! She’s a great chaser and I’m sure she’d love to show you!”

Neville felt cornered. To be completely honest, he never wanted to ride a broom again, but Pepper seemed so excited about him doing it he felt bad saying no.

“Uhh… sure, I guess?”

“Perfect!” Pepper said, a bit loudly for Neville’s taste as a few eyes were on them now. “What are you doing tomorrow? It’s a Hogsmeade weekend but do you think you could come to the Quidditch pitch around 2-ish?”

“Oh sure,” Neville agreed, though he wasn’t sure why.

So he’d made a bed he had to lie in.

What the hell was he thinking?

As he walked down the trail from Hogsmeade, he was thinking of ways that this could go horribly wrong, he could fall, or trip, or make a fool of himself. But on the plus side, if he fell, he may just die then and there, which wouldn’t be quite as embarrassing.

Neville was trying his best to talk himself into it, though it was hard, for there was no plus side or silver lining that he could see.

When he’d gotten down to the pitch, he’d noticed a girl sitting in the middle of the field, two brooms next to her.

Once he’d gotten closer, he’d felt his heart shoot down to his feet.

It was Y/n.

The perfect, beautiful, absolutely amazing Y/n.

As if she could hear his hesitation, she turned, but had a look of surprise on her face as she took in who was standing there.

“Oh, Neville,” he didn’t like the way she sounded slightly disappointed, “I didn’t know it was you! How are you doing today?”

She was smiling, but he felt like it was fake. Like she had no motive to be here. It was probably a dare and she had to be nice to him and get him to embarrass himself.

“You ok?”

He looked up at her to see her eyebrows scrunched together in worry.

“Yeah, yeah,” He nodded and recollected his thoughts, “I’ve had a good day, and you?”

“It was alright, kind of a rough morning, if I’m being honest, but I hope it gets better from here.”

And it did.

It wasn’t nearly as stressful as Neville had been anticipating, and all his negative thoughts had begun to fade as he got more relaxed, both with Y/n and flying.

By the time the sky darkened, he’d practically been a natural, flying around the pitch with ease.

They began packing their things, Y/n grabbing the brooms and Neville got his sweater that he was wearing before he got too hot.

Walking back to the castle was silent, but nice and relaxed, no pressure and just two friends walking along the grounds.

“I need to be honest with you, Neville,” Y/n said abruptly as she turned to face him before they walked into the castle.

He knew it. It was too good to be true. She was going to admit that she was messing with him and hung out with him on a dare or something equally mortifying for him.

“...Okay?”

“I like you,” She sputtered out. “Like, like like you and I had Pepper come up to you yesterday to see what kind of person you are because I’ve had a crush on you since first year but you always seemed to be independent and you didn’t talk to many people but I always thought you were cute. And when she said she had wanted to take flying lessons today I was confused but agreed, then you showed up and I had the best time.

“I understand if you don’t like me back, but I just thought you should know.”

Neville was…

He didn’t really know what he was.

Shocked, for sure.

A little confused, to be honest.

Absolutely elated at the news, though.

“Are you serious? You actually like me? I didn’t even know you knew who I was!”

“You’re kidding, right?” She threw her head back as she laughed, “I stare at you all the time, it’s actually kinda sad that I haven’t made a move yet.”

“You stare at me?”

“No!” She shouted suddenly, “Yes, but not in a creepy way, I promise.”

“I stare at you too, sometimes,” Neville admitted with a blush.

“You’re really pretty, Nev,” Y/n commented as she brushed a few hairs out of his face, staring into his eyes.

“Thank you,” He chuckled, ducking his head down in embarrassment before she lifted his chin so they were eye-to-eye. “I think you’re stunning as well.”

She smiled, a genuine smile that he wished to see every day for the rest of his life.

She began to lean in, their eyes slowly closing as they kissed, and Neville swore his knees gave out, but he powered through and tried to kiss back without it being too awkward or doing something wrong.

It was a moment before they pulled apart, but he had never felt that happy before in his life.

Y/n agreed. She’d been silently pining over Neville for far too long and he was everything and more than she’d ever imagined.

“We should do this again,” Neville commented.

“The kissing or the date?” He smiled at her with love in his eyes, “Cause I’d like to do both, if you would?”

When Neville had walked back to his dormitory, still in a daze, Ron, Harry, Seamus, and Dean had all given him strange looks.

Neville flopped onto his bed and had yet to realize that there was a small, pinkish-red lipstick kiss on his cheek from when he’d said goodbye to Y/n.

The boys, however, saw it the second he walked through the door, and bombarded him, but refused to believe him when he’d said that he’d gone on a date with, and kissed, the Y/n L/n.

Though, the boys were shocked to see that as Neville sat down at his spot in the Great Hall, she had come over and placed a quick peck on his cheek before sitting next to him and chattering away as if they were old friends.

Who’d have thought, Neville got the girl.  

[the-horsemen-ride]

Thoughts on everyone you met so far?

Death: This only refers to those we've met so far within starting all this, and not just our time in the basement, right? We'll go over all our peers later.

Bethany ( @gothgirlbethany )

Conquest: Disrespectful and obnoxious... but that Jacob friend of hers seems much, much worse.

War: Disrespectful is an understatement. She’s a fuckin’ bitch.

Famine: Hey, that’s outta line, man. She's a bit rude, but that���s just what teens and young adults are like these days. That, and you’re just just whiny. And her friends seem nice, save for the Lost.

Pestilence: I’ve seen her, never talked to her though. Beth’s uh, okay I guess. A bit... loud. I think she’s... just uh, tryin’ to not think about how shitty it is down here.

War: Don’t you know what she said to me?

Famine: You did kind of walk into it, though.

War: Fuck you.

Death: Bethany is... my feelings here are complicated. She’s concerningly reckless and has no filter. It’ll come back to bite her someday soon. Even then... considering her situation, I think Pestilence is right. Life down here isn’t easy. If she really has to approach it all with such overconfidence, so be it, but she won’t fare so well when reality hits her. That, and I could go without all the nicknames and back-talk... But I suppose talking to her has been a nice change of pace, “Our” Bethany doesn’t even approach us when she doesn’t have to, and I believe her opinion of us is even worse. Also, this Bethany is the first person to agree with me on how unfair this job gets, so I do respect her. Her friends are alright, but their version of the Lost is certainly very selfish.

Grust ( @greedycatdemon )

Famine: The kitty!! He's super nice and cute. Sad to see the anons hassle him all the time.

War: He seems… clingy… but other than that? I guess he’s alright. He's got his life together, which is better than everyone else here.

Pestilence: Haven’t talked to him either. Or met him, actually. Cats are nice though, so... we’ll get along, probably.

Conquest: He’s also a demon.

Pestilence: So? 

Death: I’ve been meaning to take some time to get to know Grust. He seems approachable.

War: Should we tell him what a catboy is?

...

Famine: Please don’t.

War: ...you know what? After what you said to me, I think I will.

Famine: Dammit. Well, you should probably give him some time to get back to normal and rest before you ruin his life further.

War: They peeled him again?

Famine: No, now he’s all cat. He still trusts me, though. 

Death: I thought you were more of a dog person.

Famine: Well, if anything I’m more of a horse person, but I don’t discriminate.

Lazarus ( @ask-the-small-enigma )

Famine: There's another Lazarus too?

Pestilence: Yeah, and this one doesn't hate my guts! I’m... a bit worried about him, though.

Death: How come?

Pestilence: He’s uh. He’s said a few concerning things ‘bout his dad.

Others ( @the-deserted-revenant , @desert-thy-brother , @ask-angel-jacob-and-esau , @askbumbo )

War: Okay, at least like, half of you “anons” or whatever the fuck are really weird. Not counting you, maybe. You seem like a decent person but for all I know you’re the same person who peeled Grust.

Famine: But some of you are also pretty nice, too. I guess it’s like 50/50. There’s also a few other uh… “versions” of the kids out there?? We haven’t gotten to really see them but from what I heard there’s even more Jacobs and Esaus out there. Even Bumbo has a blog! We’ve gotta say hi to them all soon.

[allbrainrot]

Oh hi! Can i ask for 💚 for felix with a female reader? Thank u! Those prompts were so cute btw!!

YES!! I’m glad you like them! Honestly this is the most realistic way I could imagine Felix confessing since he’d never outright admit it without a little prodding.. 🍄🖤

Felix:

- Felix would appear to be just as much of an asshole, but the other lions who know him well recognize that he is significantly less of an asshole to you. This is Felix code for ‘damn it I secretly love you’.

- In the academy days I could totally see Felix with unresolved feelings for a childhood crush on you, back from your little friend group in Faerghus. You don’t really remember anything out of the ordinary, but as the oldest kid I know Sylvain remembers everything that mini Felix did. Probably Ingrid too, she’s pretty perceptive, and I’m sure they eventually got Dimitri in on it.

- So flash forward to present day with all of you as members of Blue Lions, Felix has been trying just a little too hard to convince them that he definitely doesn’t have feelings for you. Faerghus squad has decided it’s been drawn out long enough, the truth has gotta come out before you end up married off to some other noble and it’s too late.

- Definitely says dramatic stuff like ‘you’re insufferable’ and ‘I have no idea how I’ve tolerated you for so long’ when he gets flustered to cover up what he really means, ‘damn it you’re adorable’ and ‘pining after you for a decade is getting frustrating’.

- Sylvain’s ability to evoke jealousy and Dimitri’s ability to elicit a protective response from Felix because ‘get the hell away from her boar’ are S rank weapons in the ‘confession war zone’.

- Step One: Get everyone to have an outing in town to “pick up something for Byleth.” Oh boy! Is that a pastry shop? Well Ingrid just has to force you all to go in! Everyone can sit at a booth with her while she eats~ Alright, time for Dimitri to sit right next to you! A success, he earns a mumbled ‘I don’t trust you for a second, boar’ and then Felix is wedging himself between the two of you. Oh man that’s a tight squeeze. Oh goddess you haven’t been this close to Felix since you were little. It is at this point, Felix realizes that he has been duped. And he is now focusing on suppressing his raging heartbeat while touching thighs and arms with the love of his life. Damn those scoundrels..

- Step Two: Lunchtime! Sylvain has engaged you in a ✨casual✨ game of hot or not, prompting you about your opinions on people at the monastery ‘innocently’ while we test just how hard Felix is capable of clenching his fists! Q: So, who’s the hottest house leader? A: Huh, I’ve never thought about that...I mean, Dimitri does have really pretty eyes! Felix is officially >:((((( and oh man when the boar stutters out a thank you Felix almost loses it..but he feigns cool and scoffs at the both of you.

- Q: Hmm ok..then what about everyone in our friend group? A: What? I mean, I think everyone looks pretty good?? Q: Welllll I don’t know man, Felix is hella scary, he has a permanent scowl! Stupid Sylvain!! Felix’s nails are full on digging into his palms now, how dare Sylvain talk shit about him with you?! Then you laugh..Goddess send help please your laugh is too adorable!! A: Quit being a jerk, Sylvain, Felix is totally attractive! OH MAN. Is it even possible for Felix to hide how red his face is? Can everyone hear how fast his heart is pounding? (Y/n) just called him attractive he feels like he’s going to explode!

- Step Three: Get everyone to cycle through sparring together and tell embarrassing stories about Felix. It’s a little evil but it’s a master plan..sparring is when Felix’s emotions show up the most. Everyone pray for my boy Dimitri who agreed to fight Felix while he’s worked up. You’re benched for this match, watching Felix because man he was impressive..when Sylvain and Ingrid engage you in an odd conversation about your childhood to pass the time. Including:

• Remember that time when we were little and Felix scraped his knee up super bad and came crying to you? He was sniffling so hard and he clutched onto you like a baby koala the whole time you patched it up!

• Oh, or the time that we went out by ourselves to go camping and when it got dark Felix was so scared! He kept crying and crying until you eventually let him share a sleeping bag with you!

• What about the time you sprained your ankle and Felix carried you the whole way home and told you he would be your knight in shining armor?

• There was also that time when you and Felix built a pillow fort and he told us that we weren’t allowed inside because it was ‘The Fort of Fraldarius’. And then we asked why you got to play inside the fort and he said that you were ‘Lady Fraldarius of the Fort’

- ALRIGHT THAT’S IT. Rip Dimitri, his sparring partner is in a frenzy of embarrassment masked by rage 💔 Shortly after hitting Dimitri with a sword over and over again Felix goes off to hole up in his room after being called out for his feelings. You’d be lying if you said you weren’t a little flustered, but it was ultimately overpowered by how funny it was to think back to little things like that and then look at present day Felix. You hadn’t thought about him like that in a while, he would always come to you and so you gave him space when he became more closed off.

- But you still mostly retained the ability to pick up on what the underlying meaning of your friend’s words and actions was. It seems he really hadn’t changed so much from the sensitive little boy who sought your attention..his adoration was still there, he just had no idea what to do with it. Truthfully, a part of you has always loved Felix and you had even wondered about the possibility you’d end up married to him, given the ties between your parents.

- The thought of Felix sulking behind you silently yearning for the rest of your academy days and then abruptly having to go into marriage with you was a mess. So, if you were certain Felix liked you despite his words, would it really be so daunting for you to make a move?

- Now you’re knocking on his door and hear a very muffled ‘go away’. The length of the chain bolt keeping the door shut allowed you to wedge it open just about an inch and you quietly peek inside and..Felix is on his bed, well, you can’t really see him because there is a heap of blankets piled over him. As if he’s building a protective barricade against your friends. Wait that’s exactly what he’s doing lol this is just the fuck off fort WAIT HOLY SHIT FORT-

- You whine at him to at least let you chill in his blanket fort because you didn’t do anything with the intention of teasing him. He groans at your childishness and informs you that this ‘fort’ is not yours to invade. Ok this could end up with a million different outbursts but the cards are all on the table-

- ‘But Felixxxxxx!! Even if I’m older I’m still Lady Fraldarius of the Fort 🥺🥺🥺’

- But he’s quick to quip back at you..damn so close!! ‘Well, (Y/n), given that you are 17 years old now I was inclined to believe that you realized that you actually have to marry a Fraldarius for that title. Perhaps I underestimated your idiocy.’ DAMN. He really went there. Ok, if that’s how it is, two can play that game..

- ‘Damn, alright. Well if that’s what it takes to get into the cozy Fort of Fraldarius, where do I sign up to check off the qualifications?’ >:3

- OH BOY UMMM FELIX IS COMING OVER HERE REALLY FAST- Be prepared to be picked up and be thrown into the fort with Felix.. It’s actually quite impressive how many different ways Felix can find to call you an idiot..while still attached to you. Felix, too, has known that there’s a probability you would become eloped by your families, and brings that up now because ‘Whatever. I suppose if I must marry an idiot, it would minimize the negatives if it was an idiot that I’ve already had to tolerate for so long. But if I have to endure such for my family line, I guess I should build up as much of a tolerance for you as possible before then.’

- So basically, the heavily encrypted message you received was ‘Yes, I’ve always thought about marrying you. But, now you have to be my girlfriend and give me as much of your attention and affection as possible’ He gets a little better about covering things up and has at least admitted that he loves you and you’re official, along with that it makes him happy when you hold him like you did when you were kids. He’s gone a wholeass decade now without ever seeking out anyone else, just remembering your childhood affections, so once you’re alone and he’s gotten used to things enough he’ll be pretty touch starved. Now, he just sits and waits, glaring at you until you deliver your routine cuddles that he would never admit to wanting out loud..

WHEW OK I DID IT AGAIN AND WROTE A RIDICULOUSLY LONG HC ON ACCIDENT 🥺🍄 Followers pls let me know if you like the long ones I write or if you’d like me to start making them short! Also lmk if you want me to censor any cussing it’s just a regular part of my vocabulary so I always end up writing some! Tyty for all the support I really really appreciate it 🥰✨ Oh! also! this is a side blog so unfortunately I can’t really reply to comments without it getting confusing, but I read everything and appreciate comments so so so much!

[itsclydebitches]

I’m the tin foil hat anon and I wanted to thank you for the response on my bb submission, you make great points. Although I was frustrated that some of them raised even more questions I didn’t think of myself… UGH… lol the S2 wait is gonna be painful

On the point of crosshair thinking his chip was removed a looong time ago(meaning before bracca or even as early as ep1) it wouldn’t make sense bc of his response to Hunter’s “you tried to kill us, we didn’t have a choice”. He says “and I did?”. So he seems to be aware he couldn’t control himself in all their previous encounters. Does it mean he knows his actions were due to chip then?

And you say crosshair avoiding the “when” question can be due to him not caring if the horrible actions he committed are chip or himself and it’s meant to show that he truly is despicable and evil. It could be the case because he shows absolutely no remorse or regret over slaughtering civilians, never apologizes to his brothers for not only trying to kill them but almost successfully incinerating(!!!) them. On top of that (apparently) without a chip he casually murders his own squad without a blink of an eye right in front of them.

On the other hand, he shows care for Omega’s safety in that episode and wants a better place in the universe for his brothers(even if it’s obviously a mistake). He sounds hurt and betrayed by them yet he still wants what he thinks is best for them. He seemed genuine and sincere in that moment. Even after they refused to join he protected them against the droids. He had multiple opportunities to shoot Hunter or others in the back but never did(and looked like didn’t even consider it). BUT after all of that he decides to raise his gun and try to shoot hunter who already has his gun drawn?! And in front of the whole squad holding him at gun point!!! WTF was he thinking?! WHY? I know they rejected his offer but still. Did his reveal completely change his plans? I just don’t understand. I know he is meant to be “complex and nuanced character with layers” but what a mood swing lmao

As much as I loved and enjoyed the bad batch overall I’m beginning to think that all these inconsistencies aren’t meant to be a crafty set up for next season. What they most likely are is just writers being vague on purpose so they don’t write themselves into a corner.

And as to why the batch and Omega didn’t even try to rescue their brother could just be so that Hunter and Crosshair would have this drama and disagreement at the end. Despite brad rau claiming their argument was over ideological differences. And Jen Corbett saying in that same cursed interview that the batch always love and support each other no matter what because they’re family. Well, I guess not crosshair, he doesn’t count anymore lol

And I agree with you I’d rather see the batch acknowledging they could have done more to try and rescue him than go into the chip details. However, I have a suspicion the real reason or explanation on why they never went back for him isn’t going to be brought up ever. Even *in universe* it simply does not make sense. Just makes me sad seeing how many people also try to come up with explanations. That should have been the writers job to provide something besides Hunter’s “you tried to kill us” bc that’s a weak argument and a total bs since he was SHOCKED to learn crosshair doesn’t have a chip.

Btw sorry for the long posts lol I just found your takes very intriguing

The season two wait is something awful and I only just started it lol. No worries about long asks though! My blog has become quite meta heavy over the years, so this is normal for my inbox. Besides, it’s a bit of a pot and kettle situation. It's not like my answers are particularly concise :D

Okay first, I have the unpopular (?) opinion that Crosshair was never planning to shoot Hunter, partly for the reasons you lay out here. You’re right, it doesn’t make sense, and rather than just accepting that he had that kind of “mood swing" (which would be pretty bad writing based on everything else we've seen) I think it does make sense that this was never his intention at all. Rather, it’s just a setup to make the audience think he’s about to shoot Hunter—that’s the obvious goal of that moment: the shock, drama, confusion, and then relief—but that doesn’t mean that in-universe that was ever Crosshair’s goal, even for just a split second. Omega leaves the pod. Echo, crucially, says that he can’t see her, setting up that Crosshair with his enhanced sight is probably the only one who could. He grabs his rifle off screen and as he does, Hunter leans over the side of the pod as he prepares to jump in, precisely where Crosshair needs to aim to hit Omega. Hunter is in his way. He’s directly in the line of fire, not because Crosshair is aiming for him, but just because that's where Omega is and they're both aiming for her: Crosshair with his rifle, Hunter ready to dive. The little shift Crosshair makes reads to me as him ensuring he doesn’t hit Hunter, despite him being right where he needs to aim, not him full on changing targets.

Even if we choose to read it as him deliberately aiming at Hunter—because yeah, the scene is meant to be ambiguous—I don’t think he, like, meant it meant it. Crosshair, as we’ve seen throughout TBB and TCW, can be pretty antagonistic. He likes to do things to get a rise out of people, like staring at regs until they snap at him, or pushing Rex’s buttons until he swings. If he was choosing to aim at Hunter in that moment, rather than Hunter just being in the way, I think it’s only bravado. Remember the “Don’t make the same mistake twice. Don’t make me your enemy” line? Crosshair has a need to remind others of his skill and power—whether it’s playfully like in TCW, or more seriously in TBB—and that’s likely what this is here. “Hey, Hunter. Look. I got my weapon back. I’ve got you cornered. I’m about to save our sister when you can’t. Remember that I’m good and you need me.” Those feelings of abandonment are tied up in that need to be needed, so when Crosshair is seething at being left behind, brutally showing them how he can get a drop on their leader and doing the thing they can't (save Omega) is a great way to remind them of what they threw away/re-boost his own self-esteem. But none of that means shooting Hunter was ever a real possibility. Because nowhere else do we see Crosshair willingly trying to harm his team. He does while under the chip’s influence, but then he never hurts Hunter when he’s captured. He kills his new team before they can hurt the batch. He helps them fight off the droids. There’s a tussle, but it’s not choreographed like either he or Hunter truly intends harm. Crosshair demonstrates no aggression during the entire escape, willingly gives up his weapon after saving Omega, and just stands there as they leave. If this guy actually wanted to hurt them, he would. Which is more likely, that Crosshair had a split second of real murder intent across two episodes of doing everything possible to help his team, or that this was just a mean bluff?

But personally, I don’t even think it was a bluff. I think the coincidence of Crosshair needing to aim there and Hunter already being there is just meant to imply an attack for the audience, not imply that Crosshair, in-universe, ever intended to hurt him, even for just a second. If he had, he wouldn’t look so surprised and sad when he realizes the others are pointing their weapons at him. If he was out to shoot Hunter, even if only for a moment, seeing his brothers come to his defense would be expected; a given. But if he only ever intended to save Omega, then seeing their weapons trained on him would produce the emotions we saw: shock that they’d turn on him and then severe disappointment. From Crosshair’s perspective, he didn’t do anything wrong and never intended to do wrong either. Hence, looking away in disbelief that his need to aim through Hunter was taken as a serious threat. He's realizing that they honestly believe that he would hurt them. Not the chipped version of him, but just him, all on his own.

As for the rest of his characterization, I think your point that “You tried to kill us” is a weak argument is pretty important. Meaning, Crosshair knows he didn’t attack his team and nearly kill them, the Empire controlling him like a puppet did. He (arguably) doesn’t owe them an apology for something that he was as much a victim for. However, we usually expect one anyway—like Wrecker still apologizing to Omega—because that's how people who have hurt loved ones react, whether the hurt was intentional or not, but that guilt is currently overshadowed by his fury that they left him behind. For him I think it’s a bit of a circular problem. Yes, he nearly killed them… but he wouldn’t have nearly killed them if they’d come back and rescued him. With the obvious disclaimer that the Empire is the real evil here, Crosshair as a threat is a bit of a problem of the batch's own making. If they’d done the right thing and gotten him out, there wouldn’t have been these scary moments like the engine incident. If they’d at least tried, then Crosshair likely would have been more guilt-ridden because he hurt his brothers who were trying to help him. As it stands, he tried to hurt the people who claim they're his brothers, but who left him behind. That's why he presents this second chance as magnanimous: from Crosshair's perspective, they haven't done anything to earn his care, but they're getting it anyway. An apology though? That's pushing things too far. If when Wrecker turned the group had locked him somewhere in the ship and gone off planet, leaving him there under the justification “Well, he tried to kill us!" would Wrecker still return with apologies for his actions... or would he be primarily pissed at being left like that, withholding apologies because they did him harm intentionally, whereas he did harm under another's control? I mean, maybe he'd be forgiving (the huge difference between his and Crosshair’s personalities is another factor), but also maybe not. Having Crosshair apologize for the near-death experiences requires 1. For him to feel responsibility for something that was forced on him and 2. For him to not be absolutely furious at the batch for abandoning him. They've gotta work through that before Crosshair can acknowledge that guilt.

Killing his second team on the other hand… idk if the batch cares, honestly. It was the killing of civilians that they balked at, not other fighters like themselves. Even the Jedis’ execution, something they clearly didn’t like, wasn’t enough to turn them from the Empire, presumably because the Jedi are capable of defending themselves. They fell in battle. It’s only when the Empire asks them to kill kids and untrained civilians that they go, “Absolutely not. This organization is evil.” Murder of other fighters was, you know, not great, but not worth defecting over either. Crosshair’s second team is made up of fighters who have been trying to kill them, so they’re definitely fair game. If we removed Crosshair’s plan from the situation and the batch was just fighting their way off Kamino after a capture, would they have also killed the team without a blink of an eye? Probably. It's self-defense. The second they raised their blasters it became a battle and, unless you’re specifically out to stun someone for some reason, battles end bloody. The shock is which side Crosshair was on, not that one side was willing to murder the other. It’s definitely messed up from our perspective that Crosshair laid a trap to murder his team to prove a point… but from the batch’s perspective? Crosshair killed a bunch of imperial fighters who were threatening them during a battle. That’s just an average Tuesday for them, nothing much to get upset over.

And omg don’t get me started on Crosshair wanting to find Omega a family! Like yeah, it’s obviously a #mistake and his faith in the Empire is Super Messed Up but... the underlying motivation is so good. It’s another situation where there’s no easy answer. Which is more important: Omega’s emotional health where she grows up with clones like her, the people who are now 100% her family, or her physical health, where she stays some place where she’s not always getting shot at, kidnapped, at risk of going hungry, etc.? It’s easy as the audience to go, “Of course she belongs with her dads!!” but if you choose to read the story through any realistic lens, Crosshair absolutely has a point about this being terrible environment for a kid, the exact point the batch themselves were making until Omega begged to stay. I love my feral, compassionate child but let me tell you, I YELLED when she yeeted herself out of that pod. This is a traumatized, formerly isolated kid with absolutely zero self-preservation, combined with, at times, a lack of basic common sense that’s inevitable in children (like not realizing she can’t pull a very heavy droid up through the water). As emotionally gutting as the thought is and, in this particular case, a Very Bad Idea, I really can’t fault anyone for raising the possibility that she go somewhere else, somewhere she’s likely to survive into her teens 😅

[dogsliampaynedoesntinstagram]

Good morning/afternoon/evening/night, Ralph. (I think I covered all my time zone bases there). I have been thinking lot lately about all the rhetoric in the fandom about Harry’s health and well-being, and how loud it has felt this year. To be clear, I am not asking for you to weigh in with your own speculations about how Harry is doing, unless you feel comfortable doing so. (I’m not telling you what to do either way, obviously, seeing as I am only a little grey icon in your inbox and have no right or way to demand anything of you.) I’m more looking for guidance or even just your rambling thoughts about what is respectful and appropriate when we’re wondering about a celebrity’s well being, and how you handle your own thoughts and assumptions about this. I feel like over the course of the last year we’ve just been inundated with all this panic and speculation about how Harry is unhappy or unhealthy or otherwise not himself, going all the way back to the Jingle Bell Ball Golden performance. Every time we get any new content there’s a wave of people saying he looks too thin and overworked like he’s not getting enough food or rest, or overweight and out of shape (pick a lane, people), he looks stressed, he looks sad, he looks angry, his eyes have lost their sparkle, his smile is dim, he’s addicted to drugs, he’d addicted to drugs because Jeff is doping him up to keep him going, he’s going to quit music, he’s going to hurt himself, blah blah blah. And the people making these “observations” hide behind the assertion that they’re just worried for his health when they’re faced with any sort of criticism.

This whole ongoing rhetoric feels really…icky? I suppose? to me. I do kind of think he has looked more drawn and intense (“stressed” and “sad”) in the content we’ve gotten this year, but I also think (1) the content we’ve gotten has largely been pap shots and stunt stuff, (2) this year he had to postpone his tour, and we know he loves performing so that must have really sucked, and (3) this year has just been rather shit for all of us, we’re all stressed and sad and scared and frustrated by the larger political and social goings on, and by the ways our own lives are impacted. In the past, the content we’ve gotten where Harry looks the happiest and most at ease has been performance footage or him with his family and loved ones. We haven’t gotten any of that this year. It makes sense that the pictures we do get would feature him looking less than completely relaxed and jubilant. And then there are all the assumptions that he’s lost weight or gained weight and is therefore unhealthy or on drugs or drinking a lot and that just honestly pisses me off. You cannot tell jack shit about a person’s health from their weight, and especially not in random pictures taken at random intervals in random settings. To pretend you can is harmful, and Harry probably won’t see you making these assumptions about his mental and physical health based on the prominence of his cheekbones in a set of pap pics, but friends and strangers who are already struggling with their weight will. And the assertion that someone is dealing with an addiction of any kind (or, god forbid, and I hate even typing this, being subjected to drug use at the hands of someone with power over them) is an allegation that a) you can’t make from one picture and b) has really deep, life altering, tragic and painful and hard consequences for that person and all their loved ones, and deserves more respect and deference than to be treated as something you can just throw out into the great wild beyond and then forget about.

But beyond the fact that people are making hurtful and invasive allegations and assumptions about a real person’s private life based entirely on a very very limited and posed and edited set of content that was hand chosen to be given to us, I think the thing that bothers me the most is it feels like the people who are driving these conversations are doing so because they want something from Harry. It’s never (or rarely, I suppose) “man Harry looks tired in the pictures we’ve gotten lately, I really hope he’s taking care of himself, things have been so hard for us all.” It’s always “Harry has been so withdrawn and sad and angry he’s not communicative with fans and he’s not willing to engage with them when he sees them in public and I miss him. I miss my Harry. I miss happy Harry. I want him back. Give me Harry back.” Which tells me the concern isn’t Harry or Harry’s health, but rather the feeling that Harry owes us something that he hasn’t been giving, and now he must pay up or give us a valid excuse.

Then I do, occasionally though, find myself thinking “am I doing exactly what I’m complaining about? Am I assuming the worst of people based on a limited set of insights into their lives?” And in the wake of the Britney legal battle that has been unfolding recently, I sometimes wonder if maybe as fans we do have kind of a duty to call out celebrities when they seem to be struggling or acting incredibly out of character. Most of the time I follow this up immediately with the thought that I’m not responsible for anyone else’s health and safety, much less that of a 27 year old man I’ve never met and have no connection to beyond liking his music and his face, and I do truly believe that, but there is some part of me that feels uneasy just turning off all my concern, because I am a person who tends to be greatly concerned about everyone, who just wants everyone to be happy and healthy and safe and loved, and who wants to help people feel that way, where and when I can. So I guess what I’m asking, in the incredibly long winded and winding way I ask anyone anything (my poor husband, he gets a novel from me every time I ask what he thinks we should do for dinner) is do you have any of these same feelings and concerns? How do your navigate them? Where do you draw a line? Do you just withdraw completely from this type of speculation? How do you balance being a kind, engaged, empathetic fan with being a respectful, responsible fan who knows their limits? (And man, isn’t that the ultimate question?). Your blog is one I end up on whenever something big happens or a particular conversation pops up, because I’ve found that I really value the way you break things down and are willing to consider them from many perspectives, so I appreciate you even taking the time to read this.

Thanks for your interesting thoughts about Harry anon. I feel like there's a lot to respond to here and I'm going to start by answering the questions your questions - and then I'm going to get distracted and talk about a post I really hated.

I'm always a little bit worried about Harry, and all 1D members. He might be really struggling, that's always a possibility. Harry has lived a very intensely scheduled high workload life since he was 16. He might have had all sorts of responses to the fact that that schedule was removed, or anything else that is happening in his life. But I feel like I'm generally pretty boundaried about those concerns.

I think part of it is because my base line assumption is that boyband members are pretty fucked up. You don't need to know a lot about the history of touring musicians to know that. I think I've said before that if 1D members are eating every day and not doing needle drugs then they're doing better than we have any right to expect (and if they're not eating and are doing needle drugs, then those are coping mechanisms for intense stress and there's no shame in either of them).

I do think it helps with boundaries to be starting from a point that acknowledges how hard it is to be a popstar. I'm all about fantasies of omnipotence and in my day to day life I think I can fix all sorts of things, but I don't think I can make any difference to any 1D member's life.

In addition, I am profoundly affected by having been a fan throughout 2016. We know what it looks like when Louis was going through a horrendous, devastating, trauma - and it looks pretty normal.

None of this means I don't have opinions, or worries, but I am aware that my opinions or worries aren't facts. It's rare that I think that my worries should matter even to people reading my tumblr, let alone other fans in general, and certainly not Harry. You say 'am I doing the same thing as other people assuming the worst about people...', but I'd argue that that's actually not the problem. There's nothing wrong with assuming the worst of people. What is wrong is when fans think their assumptions about a celebrity should matter to anyone else. You don't have to turn off your concern to think that it's not a priority.

I definitely think it would be a very bad thing if people took the moral as the 'free Britney' movement as 'fans should call out celebrities when they think they're struggling'. That sort of surveillance isn't effective or useful. What has been useful for Britney is solidarity in a well documented power struggle, which is a very different thing.

And I can't emphasise enough how important the 'well documented' aspect of this is. What most fan worrying about Harry amounts to is: 'I don't like what he's doing, and there's no way he'd do things I didn't like and therefore there must be something wrong with him'. That's a really controlling way of thinking about people. I really think it's important not to reproduce that abusers logic.

I am pretty well insulated from that sort of discourse from a very well weeded dash. But I saw a post that was mostly about other fandom stuff, that treated assumptions like: "Harry must hate being with Olivia and he's suffering and it's clear he's not happy with his image and his team" as building blocks that you don't even have to argue for (this is the post - and I'm going to come back to one of the things someone said that was even worse in a second).

Lets stop for a minute and imagine that Harry hasn't got a problem pretending to date Olivia, and his main concerns are about the messiness of life and his career at this point in time. It is really fucked up and agressive, and pretty hateful towards Harry, to say 'oh he couldn't possibly want this. It's clear that he hates it.' etc. (I feel like I've been making this argument for years about people who object to Louis doing such things as smoking and not performing middle-class culture for them). When fans trash talk what Harry is doing at the moment, and suggest that believing he could be choosing what he's doing is some how an act of huge disrespect to him, there is every chance they are trash talking him and the choices he's making.

The final thing I want to draw attention to is how often this sort of fan storytelling is combined with a profound lack of interest in what 1D members are actually going through. The tags screen shotted and added on to the post I reblogged actually described Holivia as Douis 2.0. Apparently assuming that there was absolutely no connection between Douis, and Louis and his family's ultimately successful efforts to privacy as Jay was dying. What the fuck is wrong with people that they ignore that, and erase that? There's far more interest in making up 1D members suffering so that fans can continue to tell the stories they want to tell, than actual acknowledgement of what we know that they went through.

Sorry I got distracted. What I'm trying to say is that there's nothing wrong with having feelings about celebrities or telling stories about them. But it's so important to acknoweldge the limits of your knowledge and power, even when fandom discourse encourages the opposite.

[justallamaimaginingthings]

Life And Death Part 1 {Klaus Hargreeves x Reader}

A/n: YOUR BITCH IS BACK Y'ALL. After countless sleepless nights, a couple panic attacks, exams and a hell of a year, I finally got accepted into university. I'm celebrating by watching Umbrella Academy and have fallen straight up in love with Klaus. Idk still if the blog will return to running the way it used to be, but I'll try my best to catch up. I've written some stuff while I was gone but everything's in Greek. However that gave me the idea to experiment with the third POV and I’d like to hear your opinion about it. This one was not requested so we have a female reader but I’d be happy to try writing for a male one as well, since according to Wikia Klaus is pansexual.

Words: 1900ish  II  TUA Masterlist

Part 1 II Part 2

“Maybe you should take a break, it's been almost an hour and it's not working” She broke the silence after yet another failed attempt to make real contact with him.

“No, I can do this” Klaus insisted, even though he could feel his tiredness threatening to get the best of him. Almost a year had passed since the first time his powers had allowed him to actually touch her and as time went by he was getting increasingly desperate to feel her again. Unfortunately for the both of them, his powers seemed to work on their own, as the ability to physically interact with spirits appeared under the strangest -if not most inconvenient- times possibly and disappeared soon after, leaving Klaus debating the control he possessed over himself even after a whole painful year of sobriety.

“I know you can do this Klaus, but working yourself to exhaustion isn't the way. You need to give it time” She explained softly and the affectionate tone in her voice caused a small smile to appear on the corner of his lips. Truth was that behind the collected and calm exterior she tried to show, she needed this to work just as bad as he did, if not even more. Making contact with an actual living human being was the first thing she had felt in years and it had almost made her feel alive again and the fact that said person was Klaus of all people was exhilarating.

“I've given it an entire year, how much more am I supposed to?” He asked with a disappointed sight, leaning back into the grass. For a moment his eyes travelled to her and he felt the same familiar feeling tugging at his heart strings. She had been the one to help him deal with the whole apocalypse disaster, having stuck with him through everything. During the last year she had been his anchor, helping him remain sober and gain better control over his powers and somewhere along the way he had fallen in love with her. He hadn't even realized it was happening, until one day it all came crushing down on him.

“This is going to sound crazy, but I have a theory” She said, startling him out of his thoughts and back to reality.

“In case you didn't notice, love, crazy is all I do” He answered playfully causing her to roll her eyes at him, even though she felt a shiver running down her spine at the sound of the nickname.

“Fair enough. I think your powers are connected with your emotions” She started but rushed to continue, upon seeing him raising an eyebrow “Hear me out. The first time it happened you were going through withdrawals. You were desperate and angry at yourself and somehow you channeled it to me. The next time you were having a panic attack and the time after that you were heartbroken over Dave. Every time there's a breakthrough you're experiencing something intense” She concluded and even though everything that had come out of her mouth was true, he couldn't help cringing at the reminder of all the low point of his life she had witnessed.

“Even if that makes sense-”

“Which it does” She interrupted with a confident smirk and now it was his turn to roll his eyes at her antics.

“Okay, but how does it help? What, am I supposed to keep hitting rock bottom in hopes it will be useful?” He asked with genuine curiosity, despite his clearly sarcastic comment that didn't seem to phase her. After all, if there was one person who could match Klaus' witty remarks, that was her.

“That's definitely not what I'm saying. I think you just have to stop ignoring your emotions. Instead of running from what you're feeling, try to let it sink in. Allow yourself to feel” She explained.

“That sounds like something sober me cannot handle” Klaus replied dismissively, trying to hide the spark of fear that lit up inside him at the prospect of having to face his demons once again but this time without the numbness drugs offered.

“Sober you is much stronger than you think, Klaus. Don't forget he got us through the damn apocalypse. However, if you're not comfortable with this you don't have to do this, it's just a theory” The way she looked at him was so intense and without even noticing she extended her arm towards him, reaching out to hold his hand but retreating the moment she realized it. Seeing him doubt himself like this pained her every time and she constantly tried to show him how much she believed in him hoping that one day she could get him to believe in himself.

For a moment his eyes flickered at the movement of her hand as he understood what she had in mind. His first instinct was to reach for her, but he fought against it, sparing himself the heart wrenching disappointment of being unable to get what he so desperately needed. Her words were enough to shake him to the core, proving once again the insane trust she had in him, a trust he felt he didn't deserve but at the same time made a warm feeling flush in his chest. He knew there was nothing he wouldn't do for her and the thought of letting her down was unbearable.

“Oh, screw it” He exclaimed taking a deep breath “It's not like I haven't been through worse. Okay how do I do this?”

“I'm not sure. Try to think of a moment or a person that's tied to intense feelings, positive ones preferably, and focus on those feelings, use them as a source of power. Maybe closing your eyes could help” She suggested, impressed they had even gotten this far. Klaus was a very closed off person when it came to emotions, always trying to suppress whatever he was feeling and knowing all that he's been through she couldn't blame him.

He got up and after taking another deep breath he closed his eyes. At first the only thing he could perceive was the voices of the dead calling to him, but he managed to push them away as he brought her picture in mind. In the beginning he imagined her warm smile and vibrating laugh that usually followed one of his sarcastic remarks, sending shivers down his spine and making him feel proud of himself.

Then he turned to the day she had helped him calm down after yet another one of his hellish nightmares. He could still feel her feathery soft touch on his shoulders as she hugged him close and whispered words of encouragement in his ear. That night, and all the rest that followed, she had been his anchor and he hung onto her as tightly as he could. He could never forget the way she had looked at him as she promised he wouldn't have to be alone any more.

Finally, following her directions, he focused on everything she made him feel. He brought in mind all those times his heart would skip a beat at the sight of her and the unprecedented longing he felt nestle in his chest and threaten to suffocate him with every passing day he had to endure without her touch. There was pure affection and burning passion, all swirling around his head and for the first time he gave in, allowing them to consume him.

The feeling of her fingertips softly tracing his cheek made him open his eyes. She was standing in front of him, a wide smile on her lips as she gently caressed the side of his face and his breath caught at his throat the moment his eyes met hers.

“It worked” He exclaimed breathlessly, leaning into her touch as a small sigh escaped his lips. Slowly he brought his hand up to grasp hers and lower them back down between them after pressing a fleeting kiss on her palm that made her whole body shudder.

“I knew you could do it. I'm so proud of you” She beamed at him and softly squeezed his hand. It had been so long since the last time she had been able to feel him that every touch felt electrifying, sending chills down her spine.

For a moment they stayed like that, staring deep into each other's eyes and it took everything she had not to jump into his arms. She wanted more than anything to pull him close and feel the warmth of his body against hers, but she was afraid to push him too far, knowing he didn't have complete control over this new power yet.

The same thought was torturing him, but being his reckless self he decided he couldn't hold back any longer. His hand left hers and rose to caress her cheek as his fingertips shakingly traced her jaw. There were so many things he wanted to tell her, but his throat suddenly felt dry and he couldn't find the right words, or any words, to express how deep his emotions run.

“Can I- Can I kiss you?” He asked hoarsely, terrified time would run out on them. Time seemed to freeze as she turned to look at him with wide eyes, finding herself in a loss of words. Instead, she let her eyes flutter close as she leaned in with tantalizingly slow movements, until their faces were inches apart and his hot breath was hitting her. His lips parted in desire and his heart was threatening to beat out of his chest as her hands traveled from his biceps to his shoulders and then wrapped around his neck.

“What are you waiting for?” She whispered against his lips and that was all he needed to hear. Almost instinctively, his arms wrapped around her waist, pulling her flush against his chest right before his lips crashed into hers. His eyes shut in bliss as he felt her tangle her fingers in his hair only to hold him closer.

At first the kiss was slow and sensual as they explored each other, but it didn’t take long until desperation got the best of them and soon enough their movements became needy and feverish. She nipped on his lower lip and Klaus couldn't help the groan that escaped him as he melted under her touch. One of his hands found its way on the back of her neck and he decided to deepen the kiss. He tasted like nicotine and was just as addictive making her feel like she could never let him go. Her skin seemed to light on fire under the slightest of his touch and the way his soft lips were moving against her felt like heaven.

Klaus could feel control slipping away from him with every passing moment and he surrendered to her touch, unaware of the stream of blue light that had almost encircled the two of them. When the lack of oxygen became too much she hesitantly pulled away without leaving his embrace. Looking at him through half-lidded eyes, she could see the affectionate and dared she say loving look he was giving her, sending a shiver down her spine. He looked disheveled with an adorable smile gracing his swollen lips and she couldn’t help reciprocating the action as she continued playing with his curly locks.

"I think I'm in love with you"

To be continued...

Tags: @twigleektribute23​  💘💘

A/n: Y’all can always message me if you wish to be tagged in anything specific (fic or character or whatev), it always brightens my day!

[rainy-day-gracie]

America’s Sweetheart 5

hi there beautiful people !!

Read previous chapter here <-

The press finds out about Reader and Spencer’s relationship, and Reader opens up to Spencer. Cliffhanger at the end 👀

Angst + fluff !!

MASTERLIST

__

I had to turn my phone on silent. 

Person after person was calling me, asking questions, giving their opinion. My face was splashed over every magazine, tabloid, and news article I could find. 

Spencer had called me four times, never getting an answer. 

YFN YLN has a new man!

YFN YLN has risen to fame in the last few years, but that’s not all she’s seemed to accomplish. 

The american sweetheart has been spotted multiple times walking the streets of Washington DC with, not only a man, but a federal agent. After one of our sources found them at a coffee shop, the mystery man threatened to arrest our source and to leave YFN be. 

We have identified the mystery man as none other than SSA Dr. Spencer Reid, a federal agent in the FBI’s Behavioral Analysis Unit. Not only is Reid a handsome fellow, he’s a smart cookie as well. With three PhDs and a couple of BAs tucked under his belt, the good doctor has chosen to settle down with our very own YFN YLN. 

How did these lovebirds meet? Did the deaths of YFN’s parents affect the relationship? When will they be planning the wedding?

All questions to be answered. Tune in to our next weeks....

The pictures of Spencer and I were fine. We’re smiling, laughing. Nothing to suggest any gossip, drama, or otherwise. 

But that’s what’s going to happen. People all around the world will be watching, analyzing, waiting for what happens next. 

The knock at my door made me roll my eyes, the clever tune telling me it was Spencer. He must’ve come straight to my house after his case. 

“YFN, I know you’re in there! We need to talk about this-” I opened the door, revealing my disheveled appearance. Spencer stopped, concern filling his eyes. “Can I come in?”

“Sure,” I said, quietly, letting him in the door. His old converse thudded against my wood floors, and I followed behind him at a safe distance. 

“Okay, what’s wrong? The press would eventually figure it out, that’s what you always said,” Spencer said impatiently, spinning around to face me. 

“I know! I’ve just never been in a relationship that’s so... public.” I crossed my arms over my chest, pushing past Spencer into my kitchen. “I’m just preparing for the blowback of rumors, gossip, drama. That’ll come too, you know.”

“So? What does that matter?” Spencer asked, pulling gently on my arm. I faced him again, and I could see his next question in his eyes. “You also haven’t told me about your parents...”

“You haven’t told me about your parents!” I shot back, my defenses coming up. 

Spencer didn’t miss a beat. “My mom has schizophrenia and my dad left when I was eleven. Those are my parents. Now you need to tell me about yours. I want to hear it from you over a tabloid or a reporter.”

I sniffled, pulling away from Spencer gently. I sat over on the couch, and he didn’t hesitant to follow. Spencer sat next to me quietly, like if he makes no noise I won’t notice he’s still there. 

“At the Academy awards a few years ago, I was nominated for best actress. It was my first nomination for anything, and I was still super young and fitting into the business. The newbie, you might say.” Spencer nodded, understanding. 

“I didn’t win, and I didn’t expect to win so I wasn’t super sad about it. But my dad took my ‘loss’ as a personal vendetta. He was cursing at me quietly for the rest of the night. At the parties after the Oscars, my dad got really drunk and wandered into a busy street. My mom followed him, trying to get him out of harms way when...” I swallowed, silent tears streaming down my face. 

“An eighteen wheeler going forty miles an hour hit both of them at two o’clock in the morning outside of a bar. The paparazzi were the first people on the scene, quickly figuring out the victims were the parents of a young Hollywood actress that lost the win at the Oscars. I found out about what happened from a reporter, who showed me pictures of the accident.”

Spencer was speechless. “YFN, I... that’s horrible...”

I gave a bitter laugh, looking over at him next to me. “My award winning role, the one that made my name... was a woman named Meg. She’s left on her own in the world, desperate to make something of herself. People asked me, ‘YFN, how did you act out that kind of pain?’ and I could never tell them that... while filming, it didn’t even feel like an act half the time. It was just me.”

Spencer didn’t say anything. Instead, he wrapped an arm around my shoulders, pulling me into his chest. I breathed in the scent of him, smells of soap and new books. “Thank you for telling me,” he mumbled into my hair. 

“If I had won that Oscar, my parents would still-”

Spencer pulled away, looking me in the eyes. “Do not ever feel guilty. There was no way of knowing how that night would end up. It is not your fault.”

I nodded, exhaustion overtaking me and tears falling quietly down my face. We’d been together for six months, and Spencer had never seen me cry before. 

He just sat with me, rubbing my shoulders while I picked myself together. After a moment, he glanced towards my kitchen. “Do you have any ice cream?”

I gave a small chuckle, looking over into his coffee brown eyes. “Is that even a question?" __

Three weeks since my breakthrough with Spencer. Three weeks of running from paps, stealing kisses inside secluded coffee shops, and competitions of who can make the funnier faces in far off cameras. As if by a miracle, not one case tore Spencer away from me for three weeks. 

Until that three weeks ended. 

“When do you think you’ll be back?” I said, trotting up the front steps to my house. The phone balanced precariously between my cheek and shoulder, my hands full of audition scripts.

Washington DC nightlife twinkled in the street, making me smile. The world had gotten brighter since I had met Spencer. 

“I’m not sure, this case is complicated,” Spencer huffed, sounding exhausted. “Four days, maybe? I’m sorry, we had plans for the dinner-”

“Spencer,” I interrupted. “Do not apologize for doing your job. I think I can survive for a few days on my own. Maybe I’ll even rehearse without you distracting me!”

I could hear Spencer’s smile through the phone. “It’ll be torture for you though. You love my distractions.”

“Goodnight, Spencer,” I said in a sing song voice, opening the front door to my house. 

He chuckled. “Goodnight, YFN.”

The house was quiet when I walked in, too quiet. An eerie feeling settled on my shoulders. “Hello?” I called, feeling stupid. Even if there was someone there to murder me, what makes me think they would answer?

A thought of the notes crossed my mind. Those creepy photos of me on the street, torn up articles about Spencer, and a dozen roses to add a romantic touch. 

But I hadn’t gotten a single creepy note in months, since before I met Spencer’s team. The creeper had probably moved on to another lucky girl. 

As I threw my keys and scripts on the counter, I never even saw the arms circling tightly around my shoulders. Just the rancid smell of cigarettes and alcohol. 

Read next part here <-

TAG LIST : @squirrellover1967 @yomama-umbridge @tiktokslut @sknnymnne @pinkdiamond1016 @vixengustin88 @lexshead@briannareneea985 @thatsonezesty13 @april-14-blog @baby-i-am-fireproof@mollyann14 @andiebeaword @oldspirit @rottenearly @cyndagoaway @peculiarinsomniac @ithinkilovetruecrimetoomuch @mjloveskids666 @aberrant-annie @stardream14 @radkryptonitepeanut @sercyan  @deni-gonzalez @matthewreid @emilouu@witchxlove @yoongi-holland @fortrapsandfordaphne  @zozoleesi  @sana-li @frogsnfics @todaynotseen  @matthewreid @n1ghtsh4d3-67 @baby-banana @b-o-n-e-daddy @kendallambrosio@chevyimpala00067 @aquarius-pisces-rose  @liaabsurd @flick24  @niammain @koc-help @kris-stuff @criminxlmindsx

Let me know if you wanna be added ! (i’m real bad at tag lists btw lol)

[kumoriyami-xiuzhen]

Hakuoki Yuugiroku Drama - Thumb-Sized Samurai Tracks 1-4 (of 7)

This is my last post of the month, so I’ll end by asking you to please support me if you can through my ko-fi, and paypal or patreon which provides access to my hakuoki blog translations and early access to my postings. Also, please let me know if you have any hakuoki drama cds that you’d be willing to share that are on my Lookout List since i either do not have audio for those cds or do not have audio that I can share.... and if you are able to remove watermarks from a video, please contact me.  

Well... I’m finally done with all that i can translate for this drama. posting these tracks all together since im unable to continue translating the rest of this by myself... which is something i wouldn’t normally do because i prefer splitting tracks up for more items on my queue, tho that’s also a side-effect of me usually not being able to stay focused on one drama... not sure when i’ll get to the subtitle videos for these since im still pretty busy (while i have the first 3 tracks of this drama subtitled [unedited], at this rate, i might just wait for when finals are done and just focus on all my videos in bulk then... plus ive yet to receive the tl for track 6 and 7 [and need someone else to go over where the voices overlap in track 5], so that will likely cause further delays to the videos for this drama).

also i totally caved in and exchanged points for the yuukoku no moriarty stage play file with chinese subs that someone finished translating recently and bought the blu-ray for the 2nd musical. havent craved more content from a fandom this badly since about a few months before i decided that i would start translating hakuoki stuff lol. 

Hakuoki Yuugiroku 2 Limited Edition Bonus Drama CD “Thumb-sized Samurai”

Translation by KumoriYami

Track 1

Kazama: hehehe~ Sure enough/As expected, this medicine's blend of Forsythia grass and boiled eel, along with my yearning and passion....

Heh.....hehehahaha~!!! Success at last! This forbidden drug, it shall be named ——the New Ishida Sanyaku · Changed/Improved!!

Hm~. as long as this strange drug  "the New Ishida Sanyaku" is improved, it will become a panacea that will make people fall deeply in love.......

She obviously loves me, [however] my wife is is unable to honestly admit to her feelings [and] is tormented by the pain of love-sickness/My wife, tortured by love sickness, has refused to admit her feelings, isn't this medicine suitable for her?

Alright/Well, now that this medicine has been completed, this must be quickly brought to my wife to drink.

No, wait, just in case, the effects of this must be tested first. (Kazama begins walking off somewhere—)

Track 2

Harada: So that's it/all, Hijikata-san, that's all I can report on. Sure enough/As expected, the team members' most pressing concern is the security of headquarters.

Saito: My opinions/suggestions are almost the same/similar/the same as Sano's. I believe that we need to improve our defences against intruders.

Hijikata: Is that so. I understand what you guys are saying. Harada and Saito, you've worked hard....... That being said, it's difficult to completely prevent intruders from coming in. This place is a temple, not a fortress. Even if we installed a fence now, that isn't really a good plan.

Saito:.....So what you're saying is......

Harada: But, shouldn't the area around Chizuru's room at least be fortified? It is true that someone is after her.

Saito: Kazama Chikage, Amagri and Shiranui [check audio], the self-proclaimed group of oni......

Hijikata:......Indeed. In short I need to consult with Kondou-san about this....... Then, that'll be it for today's report.

Saito: Then I'll go make some tea. You should rest first. Sano, you should also drink some.

Harada: Oh, thanks a lot. Then I won't be impolite [rephrase later].

(Saito leaves then returns shortly after)

Saito: I've brought the tea. This is fresh[ly brewed] and hot, so please be careful.

Harada: Thank you. I didn't expect this so quickly.

Hijikata: (sips tea)......Oh, what's this, Saito? Did you use some other tea leaves today?

Saito: Nn?......No, I haven't done that.

Hijikata: Really? Then why do I feel that this tastes different from usual?

Harada: You didn't put poison in did you?

Saito:......!! Don't say such frightening words, Sano. The idea of me poisoning the Vice-Commander is complete nonsense. [i prefer the word 'utter']

Harada: Don't get angry, I was just kidding. (sips tea).......but, like Hijikata-san said, the taste of this tea really is odd/strange [tl says 'subtle']......

Saito: Strange? How could that be...... (sips tea)....!!

Harada: What's wrong? You've suddenly become quiet.

Saito: This taste is of...... Ishida Sanyaku ！？

Hijikata: Ahaha, I was thinking that this tasted a bit familiar, so that's what it was........ wa, wait! Why was that put into the tea!?

Harada: Saito..... you bastard, did you actually put Ishida Sanyaku into tea/you didn't actually put Ishida Sanyaku into tea did you? Even if you love that stuff, you should know when to stop before going too far [idiom. rephrase later]!

Saito: No......I would remember doing something like that. I only saw that the teapot lid was open, that there were tea leaves already inside, and that I was thinking how it could easily be brought over to be used......

Hijikata:......There was already tea inside? Did you notice if there was something strange/weird in the surroundings?

Saito: Speaking of which........ I saw something, I thought it was garbage so I ignored it, I think I remember how a note there was a written note saying "dedicated/specially for my wife. Dogs are strictly prohibited to touch this" or something like that.......

Hijikata: What, those words. From where do they....seem... familiar.......

(Hijikata collapses)

Saito: Vice-Commander!!

Harada: oi~ oi!! What's wrong, Hijikata-san! Why are you/why did you suddenly....... falling/collapsing/fall/collapse......!!

(Harada collapses)

Saito: Sano!! Why are you also......!!.......Why am I/How can I.......also....... be fainting........!

(Saito collapses)

Track 3

(footsteps)

Souji: Ha...... good grief, this is a real problem. I've long wanted to say this, but why is it necessary for us to submit a report about our patrols when nothing unusual happened?

Heisuke: I actually think that way too. But nothing can be done about this because of the rules~

Souji: Anyway, if nothing unusual happens, isn't it enough for Heisuke to make the report/that you make the report, Heisuke? I don't think I should be involved in giving it~

Heisuke: You just don't want to go to Hijikata-san's room. If you were giving a report to Kondou-san, you'd obviously be very happy.

Souji: That's because Hijikata-san sees me he won't stop talking as soon as he sees me. Before this, all I did was secretly prepared some ink and smeared a stone into it so that it turned black. He surprisingly became furious at me.

Heisuke:......Anyone who experienced this kind of thing would get really angry.......  Hijikata-san, we're coming in. (they stop walking and open a door) Hey~ Hijikata-san~! Eh? Ah? It seems that he isn't here?

Souji:......But, doesn't it look like he was was recently in the room? Look, something spilled on to the floor.

Heisuke: What~? Is it possible that he wasn't careful and spilled his teacup, then panicked as he left to go and get a towel to dry this?

Souji: Maybe. Anyhow/Speaking of which...... besides the tea, there seems to be some other strange thing on the floor...... What is this?

Heisuke:......Hijikata-san, Sano-san, and Hajime-kun? What are these, these puppets/figurines [or dolls] look very well made. These might be Hijikata-san's things, so it'd be better not to touch them.

Souji: Anyway it seems like he's not in his room right now. Nothing to be done about it then~ [we'll] hand in our report later.

Heisuke: Yeah. Really, just where did he go......

(they open the door and leave the room)

Track 4

Harada: Saito...... Oi, Saito...! Wake up, I'm telling you to wake up!

Saito:.......Mm...mrgh... S-Sano?

Harada: Yeah.... oh, wait a sec! It's good that you're awake, but you can't open your eyes yet!...... Well, how should I put this...... you need to be mentally prepared......

Saito:.....? What are you saying? What mental preparations......?

~music tune~

Saito:.......!! Sano!?………………Sano?

Harada: Why is that a question? Without a doubt, it's me, Harada Sanosuke.

Saito: No....... But, the Sano I know, doesn't have that height......

Harada: Don't worry, you've become just like me. Just look down at your own body.

Saito:.....!!  Even my sword is unsteady in these smaller hands, and if I step forward, there's the risk of falling over because this extremely big head..... What the hell happened to my body...!

Harada: I'll say it first, but this isn't a dream. Because I've already my face quite a few times.

Saito:......This lowly/humble body...... let alone moving, won't I be useless to the vice-commander and be unable to contribute to the Shinsengumi!?

Harada: In a sense, I don't think you'll need to worry about that? Take a look/Look, Hijikata-san has also become like/also looks like this.

~music tune~

Hijikata: Ah...... damn it......! My hands and feet [arms and legs] have gotten shorter, and everything else [tl is surroundings/everything in the surrounding] has become incredibly large......!

Saito: E-Even the Vice-Commander.....!? Why do you [also] have this awkward appearance......!!

Hijikata: Saito, you're awake. I just woke up...... Oi, Harada, why on earth have we become/do we look like this!

Harada: Even if you ask me that, I have no idea/I don't know. I was like this when I woke up.

Hijikata: Yeah....... well, since the three of us have all become like this, it's obvious/goes without saying that the pot of tea was strange.

Harada: Yeah. To begin with, it's strange to have tasted Ishida Sanyaku in tea.

Saito:......I see. That is to say that this is all due to Ishida Sanyaku......

Hijikata: No, that's impossible......

Saito: Ishida Sanyaku is a medicine that is meant to be taken with sake, because it was deviously put into tea, this sort of of trouble happened.......

???: Che~ how stupid [tl is more "stupid beyond the point of help/redemption but i can't figure out how to word that]! Devious? It's shameless to even guess/speculate about this [reword later].

Harada:......! That arrogant voice......! Kazama!!?!?

Hiijikata: You bastard! Are you actually here to harass Chizuru again[??? there's an idiom used in this sentence that I don't really get so i omitted it]!? Where the hell are you hiding!?

Kazama: HAH~! Are your eyes just decorations?  I don't run or hide, so are you not able to see who is before your eyes?

~music tune~

Saito: Ha....... so you've also become like this...

Harada: I couldn't help but look up just now ['doubt my eyes'ish or 'look away'.... or something?] . (whispers) Ha.... It turned out be some random passerby.

Kazama: You bastard, sighing after looking at someone else's face, you really know nothing about etiquette!

Hijikata:: After breaking into someone's home, it goes without saying that etiquette will go to the dogs [reword later]! Alright, Saito, Harada! Let's drive this guy out of headquarters!

Saito: Understood (draws sword)

Kazama: Ah~ do you plan on fighting me with that poor body of yours?

Hijikata: Look at yourself, aren't you also the same!?

Harada: Speaking of that guy, why are you even here?.... Don't tell me that it was your plan to make our bodies smaller!?

Kazama: Ha, have you finally noticed it. You idiots/fools with no brains.

Saito: In other words, this is all that guy's fault?! Making all of our bodies smaller, what do you intend on doing?!

Kazama: It has nothing to do with you. I was only looking for my wife.... Yes, only just my wife.... That damn vile medicine!! To actually make turn me into this inferior article!!

Hijikata: Although I don't get why you're so upset, quit rambling, and hurry up and tell us the way to get us back to normal!

Kazama:.......Che.

Saito: You still won't talk. Then violence can be the only answer [reword later. don't like how it reads]...!

Harada: Hold it, Saito!

Saito: Why are you stopping me, Sano! If we don't get the answer out of that guy's mouth, we won't be able to get our bodies back to normal!

Harada: Don't you think it's a bit strange? Kazama was originally the culprit with that medicine, but why is that guy so small now? If he was able to get back to normal, he already would have done that!

Hijikata: Co-Could it be.... you're not going to say that you don't know how to get us back to normal, right!

Kazama:  Did you finally realize it? You idiots with no intelligence!

Harada: Uwah....... I really want to beat him up......

Saito: Vice-Commander, please give me the order to cut that guy down!

Kazama: Che, listen to me! It's not that I don't know how to restore us to our original states. It's just that this method will be extremely difficult to accomplish.

Hijikata:……Difficult [Difficult how]……?

Kazama: It's simple to get back to our original states. The teapot with the medicine in it is still in the kitchen. We just need to drink more of that medicine, the "New and Improved Ishida Sanyaku."

Harada: I feel that I want to complain about the name of that medicine since it's a bit too subtle.... But will that really work?!

Kazama: Of course. As I possess the noble bloodline of the oni, it's impossible for me to lie.

Hijikata: For the time being, we'll believe what you say. For the time being, we'll believe what you say. You said it'd be difficult, but shouldn't being able to get into the kitchen smoothly, be the only problem? 

Saito: Indeed. Just from the drop to the ground, which looks as high a wall, you can definitely infer how difficult it will be to get to the kitchen...

Kazama: That's right. As a dog who can only wag his head and wag his tail, that ability to understand is really good.

Harada: How is it that I feel angry whenever I hear you say something nasty [reword later].... Well, since we're like this, if we have more people, we'll be able to solve this problem sooner.

Hijikata: Speaking of which...... if someone would pass by/if someone just passed by......

(voices heard in distance)

Souji: Eh~ really, I don't always want to be doing this every time~

Heisuke: Don't say that. Hijikata-san should be back at his room now, right?

Hijikata: Those voices just now...... are Souji and Heisuke's?

Saito: Souji! Heisuke! Come here......! Mmph......! (mouth gets covered by Harada)

Harada: Don't be impulsive, Saito!!

Saito (weakly) What are you doing......!

Harada: I'm telling you/Listen [to me], just think about it! Even if Heisuke helps, the other person there is Souji!

Hijikata: If that guy finds out that we're tiny/this small, who knows how he would react!

Saito: (gasps and moves Harada's hand away) Ha...... Indeed, he'd treat us like toys and handle us as if we were straw...... just imagining that gives me the chills [reword later]......

Kazama: Che, as expected of a pack of dogs made up of rogues and villains. It's amazing that how you don't even have confidence/trust in your own companions.

Hijikata: Shut up! Under these circumstances...! Perhaps Souji is the only exception!

Harada: In the first place, what should we be doing, Hijikata-san? We have to do something, so should we just tell Heisuke about what happened?

Hijikata: Uh………… No, let's pretend to be dolls for a while. After, we can wait for Yamazaki or maybe Gen-san....... ah, there's still Chizuru, [but] we should wait for someone reasonable to pass by.

Kazama: What are you saying? You're actually telling me to pretend to be a doll [reword later]!?

Hijikata; Shut up and just do as I say! Even if it's you, if you can't get back to normal, won't you have a lot of problems!

Kazama: Che. There's nothing to be done/that can be done about it then.

Harada: Heisuke's coming! Everyone stop talking!

(door slides open)

Heisuke: Hijikata-san~!  Hah!? Still not here......

Okita: That's strange. I just heard a very quiet voice just now, so I thought Hajime-kun was here. (looks around) Anyhow, why have these dolls that were placed here, so scattered around [reword later/thesaurus]? Furthermore, this/And this strange doll with blond hair, I don't remember seeing it earlier.  

Toudou: What is this, a doll of Kazama? There's even one of one of Sano-san, but why isn't there one of these odd dolls of you or me, Souji?

(Heisuke pokes Kazama's head)

Kazama: You bastard......! The only one in the world who is allowed to touch me, is my wife...!

Harada: Come on, don't talk, just be patient!

Souji: These two figures look very much like Hijikata-san and Hajime-kun... Come look at them, they look pretty funny/interesting~

(Souji pokes Hijikata's head)

Hijikata:………………！！！！

Saito:…………！

Okita: Nn? I seemed to have heard something strange?

Harada: Well since these are Hijikata-san's things, if you play around too much with them, he'll get super angry~

Souji: That's right. But, if we just leave them here like this, isn't it likely for that cat to play around with them [reword later]?

Heisuke: It's as you say though since they were already left in a mess, maybe that cat messed them up [reword later].

Souji: In that case, why don't we just put them all into a box? They can be also put into a closet where the cat won't be able to reach them.

Saito: ………………What!?

Harada: If that happens, won't we be unable to move!?

Hijikata: This bastard/guy, he just had to come up with such a rotten idea right now!

Heisuke: Let's hold onto them for the time being then. Anyway, we still need to come back later and give give the report for our patrol. At the time, we can return these to Hijikata-san.

Souji: You're not thinking about taking these back to your room to prank them because you're upset about the faces of these dolls, right [i think? reword later]?

Heisuke: This idea of yours won't be any good/You're the only one who would come up with such a bad idea... well, then I'll take the Sano-san and Kazama dolls for to hold onto for safekeeping.

Kazama: Kuh......! Things are getting more and more complicated...

--To be continued...?---

[kpopfanfictrash]

Hi Shanna! I really liked how detailed and technical ur dance ranking of twice was--as someone who has no formal dance experience, it was enlightening. Would u mind doing one for bts? Only if u want to of course :)

Hello! I have a few of these in my inbox, so yes! I will do this one for bts (but then I must stop before this becomes my blog LOL). I’ll give the same caveats I gave for Twice, though. 1) Dance is always somewhat subjective because it’s an art form. I can talk about technique, but at a certain point my favorite dancer might not be someone else’s favorite dancer because of performance quality, and 2) ALL OF BTS ARE GREAT DANCERS! You don’t become a professional performance artist without already being head and shoulders above the rest. At the end of the day, all are fantastic. 

NOTE: Please don’t use my words on any other platform/to respond to the boys. I’m posting only to give some insight to their skills, not to try and critique BTS. They have dance coaches, trainers and choreographers for that. They absolutely do not need some random person on the internet telling them what they should be doing.

With that in mind, here are my personal thoughts/loose ranking of bts at dancers:

1. Jimin. Not that I’m biased. LOL but seriously, part of the reason I’m drawn to Jimin is because he’s such a fantastic performer. With dance, a lot of people think it’s just body type which can make or break a dancer. To some extent, this is true. If you aren’t born with amazing arches, turnout or flexibility, there’s only so much you can do to improve. That said, there’s a certain intrinsic performance quality which also can’t be taught. You either have it, or you don’t and Jimin has it. It’s mesmerizing to watch him on stage. He has such fantastic control when he dances; his execution of choreography is flawless, but he also puts his own spin on things without standing out too much (a bad thing, when you’re dancing as part of a group!) Jimin does have a background in contemporary/ballet,  which is different from Hobi. One of the places this is visible is in how grounded Jimin is with his transitions/how he finishes his movements. This is SUPER dorky of me lmao, but one of my favorite moves I’ve ever seen him do is this roll up from the ground at 2:05. The absolute CONTROL Jimin has; his heels don’t move an inch, which is so hard to do. Another impressive move to me was the jump Jimin did in the Dynamite dance break (1:09). Neil Haskell did this freaking move all the time on SYTYCD lmao, and it was a staple “trick” on the dance circuit for years, because it’s hard and requires a gymnast/martial arts background. LOTS of control and complicated timing. I could honestly go on for pages about Jimin’s performance quality, but I’ll stop and say one other thing. I occasionally see people praising Jimin as an amazing contemporary dancer (on par with professional contemporary dancers), and I do think it’s important to clarify Jimin diverged from that path nearly ten years ago to become an Idol dancer. Those are two very different styles of dance and although Jimin is FANTASTIC, it’s okay for him not to be the best at every single dance style! lol he’s the first one to say (because he has, while watching the black swan orchestral video) he couldn’t do some of the things professional contemporary dancers can do. (I will add though, yoongi is also right in that I have full faith Jimin COULD have done those things, had he chosen to pursue that path). ANYWAYS. I’ve rambled enough about how much I love Jimin. ONWARD!

2. Hoseok. Surprise, surprise! LOL okay, so let me start by saying out of all BTS, Hoseok is what I consider the smartest dancer. What I mean by that is, the man never burns out. He knows when to conserve his energy and when to go all out. Hoseok is the master of rise and fall in intensity, and there’s a reason he’s highly regarded by all dancers in the industry. Hoseok also seems to have a choreographer’s mind, whereas you don’t see this as much with Jimin. To clarify, being a dancer and being a choreographer are two separate things. It’s like being a soccer player versus being a coach. Being a choreographer requires a big-picture mentality not all dancers have. Hoseok has this though, and you can see this in the natural leadership role he takes whenever they’re rehearsing on their own. He sees mistakes, fixes transitions, etc. (it’s hot, but I digress). Hoseok has a background in various styles of hip-hop, which is really clear when he freestyles. He’s demonstrated popping, tutting, locking and more, which you really only learn through rigorous hip-hop training. His MMA 2019 solo is WILD because he showcases like, five different styles all within a minute. They’re all sub-genres of a genre (hip-hop), if that makes sense. He doesn’t have the same contemporary background as Jimin, which is somewhat apparent whenever BTS leans into more contemporary styles (spring day, black swan, etc). Hobi is good, don’t get me wrong, but his spot isn’t as natural, he’s not as flexible and sometimes you see him overthinking movements. But anyways, Hoseok fancams are the BEST. Go watch one today.

3. Jungkook. Jungkook has improved SO. MUCH. Y’ALL. I can’t stress this enough! A lot of BTS fans probably remember Big Hit sent Jungkook to LA for a few months prior to debut to get him to loosen up in his dancing/improve his performance quality, and boy did he ever. Overall, I think Jungkook’s biggest strengths are his 1) endless stamina (wtf lol) and 2) lately, performance quality. When I’m talking about stamina, I mean Jungkook always goes full-fucking-out in performances and it catches the audience’s eye. One example which comes to mind was during MMA 2019 Dionysus. If you start at like, 2:10, BTS does this really exhausting floor part and then you see everyone around him conserving their energy as they move into the next chorus. It’s supposed to be a breather in the choreo lmao but Jungkook is FULL OUT. It’s his intensity and strength which really makes him stand out as a dancer. If I had written this a year ago, I would’ve said Jungkook’s biggest weakness is contemporary dance. The flip side of the coin to being strong is it can be difficult to slow things down and display the same intensity with slower music. Then, he went and did Black Swan. Like... just watch this spring day performance and contrast it with this black swan one for jungkook. He has gotten SO MUCH BETTER at staying grounded, moving through his transitions, instead of rushing past them to get to the next step. I’m just really proud of him. I still think hobi + jimin have a leg up on him, but Jungkook is a close third.

4. Taehyung. When you get to Taehyung + Yoongi, things start to get blurry. But since this is a list of my personal preferences, I’m going to put Taehyung first because for me, performance is everything. In my opinion, Taehyung’s performance quality is second only to Jimin. More immature dancers will often refer to performance as “making faces.” I.e., purse your lips on count five, smile on count 8 and frown on count 1. A mature dancer though, knows dancing is really an extension of acting. You need to embody the emotions of the song and convey them to your audience, and not just through your facial expressions! I think Tae does a really great job of this, and I’ll often watch his fancams, even though his dance technique isn’t as strong as say, Jimin or Hobi. That’s Taehyung’s main weakness, in my opinion. If he’d started dancing at an earlier age, or taken ballet/contemporary.... lord, idk LOL. help us all.  

5. Yoongi. THIS MAN! Used to be a b-boy and the background is crystal clear if you’ve ever watched a Yoongi fancam (and if you haven’t, what are you doing with your life?) There’s an effortless quality to his movement and, when he wants to, his strength + performance quality rival Jungkook or Taehyung. That said, I think the main reason I’m not ranking Yoongi above them is consistency. Yoongi, simply put, isn’t a dancer. He’s a rapper/producer who likes to dance and enjoys dancing as part of BTS. I’m not saying he doesn’t like it, but it’s not his main passion, unlike some of the others. His intensity can vary depending on his visibility, which again, isn’t a bad thing. When Yoongi does turn it on, he turns it ON. He’s also very comfortable onstage, which is important. Yoongi doesn’t hesitate in his improv (esp. in his solos or rap line performances), which gives his stage quality a more natural ease.  

6/7. Namjoon + Seokjin. I honestly don’t know who I would put as seventh; it’s hard to pick. And again, I don’t consider either of them to be bad dancers. It’s just when you have a group of people and some have prior dance experience/a strong passion for dance, and some don’t... it is what it is! I will say I think both Seokjin and Namjoon have grown tremendously over the past years. They’ve become so much more comfortable onstage, and it really shows in their performance quality. Sometimes, being confident you won’t look stupid is half the battle LOL. The other thing I’ll say is their execution of choreography is always down pat. You’ll rarely see either one messing up the steps, which means they practice a LOT. Sure, there are areas where their technique could be improved. Quality of transitions, staying grounded through difficult moves, always using their spot on turns... but I think it’s amazing that, despite their lack of formal dance training, they both keep up with some of the above dancers. Like... fuck it up, guys. 

and that’s all! thank you for reading if you made it this far LOL WOO, BTS!

[arofili]

how’d u get into writing? like, writing fic and being part of the silm community, being Known, that stuff? i’m really new to being a silm cc and i’d love to know ur advice! also: how’d u build up the confidence to start posting meta/hcs? bc i have a Lot of hcs and meta ideas but also i’m really anxious abt posting them bc yknow anxiety is like that

these are some great questions, anon! I’m gonna go through them one by one :)

how’d u get into writing?

not to be like, super cliche, but I’ve...kind of always been a writer? as long as I can remember I’ve been telling stories, and when I was too young to read or write I would dictate them to my mom, who would type them up for me and help me choose clipart illustrations to accompany them. when I got old enough I would always be writing; I attempted my first novel at age 9, and while that never really went anywhere I did finish the darn thing and it had some pretty sophisticated plot twists for a 9-year-old!

like, writing fic

around the same time I got into fandom! I was deep into Warrior cats (like. really deep) and I believe I started writing my first fics when I was like? 10 or 11? my memory is kind of fuzzy on the order of things, but I know I got an account on the Warriors forums when I was 9, and that I was already posting my fic there when I made my FFN account. I believe I was 12 when that happened, but who knows. I haven’t the faintest idea of what happened with those forums, but uhhh pretty much all of my Warriors fic is still up on FFN lmao. you could probably find that if you want to but um...maybe don’t?

my first Big Fic was a self-insert of...my entire 5th/6th grade class into the then-current timeline of the Warriors books...well. I honestly think that might still be my most popular fic of all time l m a o though I try not to think about it because Hashtag Cringe. though as much as I look back on that time with a “yikes,” I am very grateful for the Warriors fandom in a way? that place was so accepting and encouraging of OCs, of AUs, of completely disregarding canon, of worldbuilding that is completely alien from canon - it was a fantastic sandbox to begin with, there were so many ways to write stories and practically all of them were accepted and had fellow fans invested in them!

and being part of the silm community, 

soooo I wrote Warriors fic until my freshman year of high school (wow sdjfhkdsjfh), which was when BOTFA came out, and I was absolutely wrecked by the ending and immediately started writing my own fixit fic. I was also super hooked on Kiliel! so that was my intro to the Tolkien fandom; and simultaneously, I joined tumblr, and, well, the rest is history tbh.

I honestly do not remember when I first read the Silm, but I kind of got into the more obscure parts of the Tolkien fandom through fandom osmosis, and I do have a vague memory of doodling the Finwean family tree in geometry class so it might have been later on in freshman year? that was also the same time I was having my Queer Awakening, and Russingon definitely contributed to me unlearning my internalized queerphobia, so probably around then.

anyway - queer awakening, tumblr, Tolkien, transitioning from FFN to AO3 - all of that was happening around the same time. I know I dipped my toes in the Silm fandom then, but I was still primarily a Hobbit fic writer focusing on Kiliel. toward the end of high school I kind of shifted to LOTR and (qp) Gigolas...but somehow the Silm fandom is the most active of the Big Three within the Tolkien fandom, and I was getting dragged further and further in.

it wasn’t until @backtomiddleearthmonth 2019, my freshman year of college, that I really dove into writing Silm fic! I picked some Silm-specific bingo cards and never looked back :D that was really not all that long ago but I am obsessed in a way I don’t really remember being even with TH/LOTR, I obviously cannot see the future but I anticipate hanging out here for a long time. the Silm fandom is great overall and there’s just so much material to work with!! <3

being Known, that stuff?

so I don’t really have a whole lot of context on how “well known” I am in the fandom?? definitely within the past year and a half or so I’ve noticed that I like, get asks like this, and get a significant amount of notes on my posts, and I’ve made a lot of fandom friends especially since I joined some Silm servers on Discord (hmu if you want invites; I’m on the SWG server and 2 general Silm servers and the Russingon server) this past year. and I have 3,000 followers as of this month - and while ever since I hit 1k I don’t particularly pay attention to my follower count I can definitely say that I have more engagement now than I used to! but it took me a long time to build this “audience,” I suppose; I’ve been around the Tolkien fandom since late 2014, so nearly 6 years of this, lol.

really the best way to build a following, in my experience, is to just post a lot of stuff. when I started making edits I got a lot more engagement, because for a long time I would post one every day! (I made them in batches and queued them; I didn’t actually make one every day lol...and now I’m too busy to do that, so I just make edits for events and whenever I feel like it) And I have [checks ao3] 145 works in the Silm fandom as of today - I’m fairly prolific! I’ve come to generally expect 3-10 comments on most of my oneshots, which is a lot more than I used to have back in the day. consistency and quantity are more likely to attract people to your work - and quality, of course.

also: how’d u build up the confidence to start posting meta/hcs?

I’ve been writing since I was very young, and I’ve been writing fic for like...11 years? I think? in that time I’ve produced a lot of garbage, but imo most of that was in my Warrior cats phase, so I came into the Tolkien fandom with confidence in myself and my writing. I’m also working on original fiction on the side (I hope to eventually become a published fantasy author, but right now school takes up most of my time that I don’t devote to fandom, which gives me more immediate gratification and also is just Very Fun) and I know I’m a good writer.

basically, I’ve been doing this for like...half my life, and I’m still fairly young, so I’ve had time to build up my skill and confidence and I know I’m only going to get better with time. you will get better with practice. like I said, I’ve written a lot of terrible stuff, and it’s only through sucking for a long time that I’ve gotten to the point I am now. and I am far from perfect; I know I still have lots of room to grow!

for meta and headcanons specifically, I started with writing fic, and then when I didn’t think I could stretch something into an entire fic I would just make a hc post. I have a vivid memory of writing my first meta in a notebook during driver’s ed because it was so goddamn boring and I had Thoughts about Tauriel and Thranduil!

in my experience, meta comes from having Opinions and wanting to share them and most importantly to back them up - you need to have sources! you need to have reasons! you need to have justification! otherwise it’s not meta, it’s a headcanon or an AU. which is fine!! I love hc/AU!!! but they are not the same as meta, and I’m a stickler for being accurate when it comes to meta. if you have sources and shit to back you up, that will help you build the confidence to share your meta.

sharing disinformation and passing it off as meta instead of just coming out and saying this is a headcanon/baseless theory/AU or whatever is such a fandom pet peeve of mine; it’s not bad for something to not be Accurate! you just have to have that disclaimer - and even when you’re writing meta, you’re offering an interpretation of the text, and you need to acknowledge that other interpretations also exist and are valid.

um. I hope this answers your questions? and sorry for basically word-vomiting my entire life story, lol. this post got long; the main reason I’ve written so much fic is because I really just cannot shut up for the life of me. sooo if you can tear of that filter of being shy and just. say shit. you can go so far~!

OH and one more thing - I can’t believe I almost forgot this - but part of being a writer is participating in the community. this is code for LEAVE A DAMN COMMENT IF YOU LIKE A FIC. that’s how I made most of my fandom friends before Discord! I follow @ao3feed-silmarillion and stalk that blog for new Silm fics; I read the ones that interest me and comment on them.

I know this is not really the most common way for folks to find fic but it’s so rewarding to interact with new fic, new writers, new commentors, new stories - you can find gems that don’t rise to the top of the kudos/bookmark lists; you become friends with your fellow writers; you can watch people grow and change; you support smaller content creators. yeah, you might not be getting Just The Best Stuff, but it’s so so so worth it!!

and if you make friends in the comment section of other people’s fic - I guarantee you some of them will go to your AO3 profile and check out your fic, too! and they’ll leave comments! this is a fic community, and that’s what I cherish about fandom most of all, tbh.

anyway - again - sorry for rambling so much, but I hoped this helped! feel free to send in another ask, or to come talk to me off anon if you’d like! and definitely send me your stuff if/when you decide to share it; I would love to support you!!! <3

[bettydice]

Really rather, definitely very

A little Fenris/Hawke ficlet for @loquaciousquark, inspired by her Hawke’s Journal. Shoutout to @jadesabre301 for the idea!

_______________________

“Fenris.”

No answer. Hawke knows he heard her, but his eyes stay glued to his book as though it’s more interesting than here. It doesn’t even have any saucy scenes in it!

“Fenris!”

He sighs and lifts his head. Doesn’t close the book, just looks at her, one eyebrow raised.

“Nobody has commented yet.”

“Commented on what.”

“My journal.”

“Why would anyone comment on that. It’s private.”

Hawke rolls her eyes. “Not if you post it on the internet.”

Fenris seems to choke on his own spit at that. While he is busy coughing and trying not to die, Hawke grabs some candies from one of the beautiful, filigrane, ornamental teacups she uses as candy holders, because she does not drink tea. Toby, resting next to her on the couch, perks up when he hears her chewing.

“Awww, sorry buddy! This is not for you!” She shoves more candy in her mouth. Toby pouts and whines. Hawke takes his face between her hands and squeezes. “Don’t be sad! You’re the best boy! My best boy! Yes, you are! Yes!”

“The internet!?”

Oh, right.

“Yes, I’m posting my journal on the internet, Fenris. It’s what people do who live in the modern age and don’t yell at their smartphones because they can’t handle touchscreens.”

“Your typing has gotten much worse with touchscreens and you know it,” he grumbles.

She ignores him. “Anyway, I posted like five minutes ago and haven’t gotten a comment yet! I literally have 1780 followers and only about 1500 of them are pornbots! Why is nobody reading what I wrote! This entry is so good, I used so many smart words! Fenris! Why!?”

Fenris simply stares at her for a few seconds, then huffs a laugh. A fond one. Because he loves her! “I have no clue what you’re talking about. But maybe… those ‘followers’ are… busy. Or not on the internet right now.”

“Nonsense, you can’t be off the internet anymore. Impossible.”

Fenris rolls his eyes. Hawke grins at him. Fenris frowns, a suspicious look on his face. This guy.

“You should comment. Make an account, go to my blog, and comment!”

“Can’t I just read it and tell you my opinion in person? Since we’re in the same room.”

“No.”

He rolls his eyes, but he does so fondly. Because he loves her. And then he grabs his laptop. Success!

Ten minutes later, she still hasn’t gotten a comment yet and her candy-cup is empty. Toby has fallen asleep and Hawke entertains herself by watching her favourite Galaxy Quest scenes on the internet.

Suddenly, Fenris scoffs. “He’s taller than I thought elves generally were. Really. That was your first impression?”

“I told you to not comment in person! And you should read on, of course there’s more than just the fact you’re tall!”

“His eyes were really rather green. Poetic, truly. You’d put Varric to shame.” Fenris smirks at her and Hawke can’t help it, her heart skips a beat. Why is he so handsome? Outrageous.

“Come on, you have to admit that these are really well written!”

“I can’t deny you’re more eloquent in writing than when you talk.”

“... A very backhanded compliment. But I’ll take it.”

Fenris smirks again, shakes his head, and looks back down at his laptop.

Hawke bites her thumb while she looks at him. She wonders… “Fenris.”

“I will write a comment. Be patient.”

“No, that’s not… I mean, yes, please! But… what was your first impression of me?”

Fenris stills, then closes his laptop and puts it aside. Looks at her, intently. “Mhm. That was a long time ago.”

“Yes,” Hawke whispers. She doesn’t know why, it just suddenly feels like the kind of moment where she should be quiet. Fenris’ eyes are really rather green and… piercing. “But you remember, don’t you?”

“Yes. Maybe I should write about it on the internet, so a bunch of pornbots can read it.”

“Or… you could tell me now.”

Fenris puts his laptop on the couch table, gets up from his comfy chair and quickly crosses the short distance between them. Rather than even considering getting up, Hawke takes his hand and pulls him down on the couch. He lets himself be pulled, then pulls her, until she’s sitting in his lap, his arms around her, his gaze hot on her face, her lips.

Hawke can’t resist and presses a kiss to the corner of his mouth. “So, tell me.”

“I could. Or I could…”

He kisses her -, intently, properly, passionately, longingly. Gosh, she really knows so many words. Her journal will be a hit!

“Hawke,” Fenris murmurs between kisses.

“Mhm?”

“Are you going to tell the internet about this, too?” He tightens his hold on her.

“Well, the pornbots might be into it!”

She starts laughing, well, cackling, but Fenris silences her with a look from his definitely very green eyes. His lips are definitely very soft. And then…

But the internet won’t hear about that.