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herejusttosufferalong · 6 months ago

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At this point, I feel like academic papers need to be written regarding PR and fandom culture, because it truly is getting to be an incredibly toxic and taxing thing that social media is just making worse.

Yes, LN is a real person who should be able to live his life and have a girlfriend he has been very explicit at times to refer to as a “loved one” or part of the stuff he keeps private that he cherishes. But at the same time, he went 6 months on promo that pushed the girlfriend off to the side (either or partly by his own choice) while very much embracing and amplifying a very affectionate and close relationship with his costar/friend all in an attempt to gain attention for a show, playing up attention from a very vocal fan base that is extremely invested. It isn’t just a piece of media for those fans, and PR def knows that. Unfortunately, actors are in a really delicate position because as much as they are themselves, they are also the most visible and therefore real part of their character, and people can’t always separate that. This is all to say that if you’re going to benefit from mixing/playing into the relationship between the actors and the characters, it should also be recognized what costs/considerations that will have.

Is this all out of hand at this point? Yeah. Do I think we would have always seen people lose their shit post S3 simply because they went SO HARD on promo for so long that suddenly not having content was gonna be like a detox? Absolutely. But some of this could have been avoided if they hadn’t made the personal so much a part of the promo, and figuring out how to handle that better should have been something PR teams worked on, even if not for the fans sake, but the actors themselves.

I saw someone comment that basically do people expect him not to have a life and I think that is a valid point, but also ignores the fact that at least part of his real life was very much a part of the promo. For a lot of fans, they aren’t at a point where they can compartmentalize that actors are doing a job and what we see isn’t really always them. It isn’t really fair to him, but that’s basically/realistically part of the deal they made taking on a role like this and promoting it how they did. If having to maintain the illusion for a bit after in order not to cause issue wasn’t explained to them, then that’s a fairly shit job on the PR teams, because I even saw that coming.

Ultimately, this whole situation feels rather shitty, uncomfy, and honestly really avoidable, and something that is just going to keep happening with shows with big followings. I shudder to think of what might have been if the Glee fandom was at its peak today.

There is a lot I could say here but atp it is really just beating a dead horse. However....

"But some of this could have been avoided if they hadn’t made the personal so much a part of the promo,"

I want to address this because I really haven’t yet and there were so many ways the personal bleed over affected perceptions.

My biggest complaint is this:

As much as I love the content we got out of Ireland I think it was a HUGE misstep for the press tour.

It was way to personal and setting a narrative while actively blurring lines.

It also made the tour feel one-sided. Luke and Nic didn't feel like co-stars.

We didn't have a stop in Brighton for Luke. They could've had a small screening there like Galway.

It seems like covertly Nic was placed more as a lead and Luke more in a supporting role by Netflix/Shaondland.

There could be a myriad of reasons for this, I mean look at how she carried a lot of the press tour.

Which brings up another issue I have...

Watching back interviews you see why she carried a lot of them, the majority of the questions were directed to her.

I also get that she is a more well known actress and is operating with more star power.

This hurt Luke honestly.

He doesn’t have a commanding presence when paired with people during interviews and especially not with Nic.

This is then where I have a major issue with his team, they should have been actively trying to play to his strengths during the promo tour.

Contractually he may have been restrained in certain areas but there is so much that he could have done to step out of Nic's shadow during the tour.

Because he was not giving S3 lead during the promo tour and it sucked to watch.

And for the weirdos out there, I am not blaming Nic at all, so please don't come to me with that shit.

#just my opinions btw #merely speculating

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zero-braincells-left · 11 months ago

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not a vent post but idk if anyone actually wants to listen to me talk about romance and my gf and. my confidence in my romantic attraction shattering right in front of me lmao. anywho

tldr: hmmmmmmmmmm hey i might be lithromantic. but first let’s go on several unrelated tangents that only barely go together to prove whatever point i was trying to make??

ive kind of felt like i feel romance. wrong ? like i know there isn’t a wrong way like this and whatnot but it’s still just. idk. first of all like,,,, i just don’t get the concept of falling in love (romantic). what being in love would even feel like. but most definitely not in an aromantic way, no, i 100% do have crushes. i am. extremely sure about that part. but that’s just liking people. i feel like im too young to be in love, but everyone else announces such. last time i used the word love romantically was fucking forever ago when i was in 4th grade with my very first crush. that, in fact, was not love. love is just a strong word.

(after writing everything else im unsure where to put this where it fits, but also, I haven’t really been able to imagine myself in any sort of long term, romantic relationship. i don’t want to get married, and i can’t see myself dating someone for, like, life.)

but i love my friends. because that’s platonic. love is a perfectly acceptable word to use for platonic or familial things in my mind. just not romance, at least not for myself? like i get the thing of having a partner and being able to say “i love you” and i mean. cmon. with all the ships i have I’ve imagined that with characters plenty of times. but like

i love my best(?) friend so, sosososo much more than i “love” my girlfriend. because, with dating, i just like her. romantic . and she knows that and the feelings mutual because love is just too strong a word for a relationship both of us know isn’t forever. but. do i even like her (romantic.)? i think so? i had a crush on her for like. half a year. and i know that was a crush, for sure. and that day on Halloween when we started dating i was happy, i was excited. but something about calling her my “girlfriend” felt so. weird. ive never dated anyone before, not even a shitty 3 day long elementary school “dating” kinda thing, so i just kinda chalked it up to that. i still can’t pinpoint what it is but right now. yeah, okay, we’re dating. whenever i think about that fact—I like the thought of it but i don’t like that it’s real. that it’s happening. the thought of being ‘romantic’ or holding hands or anything feels genuinely uncomfortable if i think about it now, even when it used to be a nice idea. and in practice, before either of us knew the other liked them, and we had all sorts of “fake” flirting bullshit, i was also perfectly fine and even happy (and flustered) by the closeness because. i liked her. and now with a relationship, even if the idea makes me really uncomfy, in practice I don’t really mind. it’s just, kind of, neutral.

speaking of which, I’ve made several “if you say that again im breaking up with you” or when she does something dumb/silly and goes ‘oh yeah? what you gonna do? break up with me?’ “yes” jokes. and like. she’s fine with that and we both think it’s funny but. i genuinely don’t not mean it, like, the idea of breaking up with her doesn’t bother me (well, it does a bit.) and the idea of staying with her, still dating, also doesn’t bother me (well, it does a bit). again im just completely neutral on it, and she knows this. but i feel like im only here because she likes dating me more than i enjoy it. i cant tell if I like this or not.

it’s like, knowing my feelings were reciprocated and being able to date her like I wanted to, made my feelings go away or at least. lessen (cause i still, I guess, do like her? sort of?)

anyways i guess I might be lithromantic then ? i already know of that label AND I’d considered it before.

for long as I can remember now, I guess, whenever I have crushes I can get over them really quickly. it’s just having that closure that’s fine. hell, earlier this year I liked one of my friends so i told him, got confirmation he didn’t like me back, and then got over it the next day. that was just a few months of crushing though—a couple years ago, i had a crush on one of my main friends at the time for one whole year. December to February of the following year. my feelings didn’t weaken over that time, either. then i got peer pressured into confessing, got confirmation it was a no, and the VERY. NEXT . DAY. i was over him. i knew it was a no so I didn’t dwell on it.

it’s just always been like that, I guess. i can get over anyone if I have the closure.

but nobody’s ever liked me back before. what happens if that ‘closure’ is a yes? i thought about it one time maybe a year or so ago and thought that, yeah, maybe I’d stop liking someone if that was the case. and now it… sort of is. i don’t know how I feel about my gf or what to do about it and I don’t know how to talk to her about it. i know she’s understanding of that so it’s not that im scared she’ll think im weird or wrong for it, just. idk. i dont even know what I’d say, but I might try tomorrow.

im fine dating her, i honestly don’t mind it, i just feel like being able to. express how i do feel about it at least haha. and i feel really guilty that this might be mostly one-sided on her end.

i have another thing to say actually but I’ll rb and add it on cause I want to end this specific thought here

#zero’s irrelevant thoughts #gf..#uhhh hh #idk man

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behindxthecamera · 2 years ago

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Hey dudes! Below the cut is a list of rules and friendly reminders that is universal across all my blogs (so if you follow one already don't worry about re-reading these) Read them before interacting with me, please and thank you. Disclaimer: I do not own any of the rights to Jonathan Byers, Charlie Heaton or any of the gifs/icons I use unless stated otherwise, I get them all from various places (usually Pinterest).

Second most important rule; I do not tolerate racism, homophobia, transphobia, or bullying of any kind. If I see it I will report and block you.

I’m down for both SFW and NSFW interactions. However, all interactions will be treated as SFW unless you specify or message me otherwise. NSFW replies will be put under a cut; but I don’t expect the same from you. If our muses have never interacted, I prefer not to jump straight into NSFW interactions so please keep that in mind. (NSFW Hard-No’s: Incest, Pedophilia, anything to do with Scat/Urine, Non-Con/Dub-Con, Feet.)

Unless it is something you've been mentioned in, do not reblog it from me, reblog it from the source. The only exception to this is if it’s some kind of reblog game or if the source is no longer active to reblog things from.

If I notice that you are only following or interacting with only one gender of my muses (usually it’s the males) then I will slow my interactions with you. I understand that people have certain characters they love and certain preferences but it can be very discouraging for me, and my muses, when only one gender is getting all the attention. It's obviously a different story if you are only interacting with a single muse.

This goes with the previous one; please at least try and interact with at least some of my OC’s- again it can be very discouraging for me and my muses when only the canon ones are getting the attention.

Please do not ask me to rp a character that I don’t have listed or anyone from a fandom that I don’t have listed unless I have posted that I am taking suggestions. The characters I have are the ones that I play and that’s it. If I don’t have a certain character there’s usually a reason for it. And if I don’t have a fandom listed it’s probably because I don’t know much about it or haven’t seen the movie/show/etc. These next few aren’t really rules but…

I’m totally down with shipping but a heads up is always appreciated! And if my muse isn’t feeling a ship I will let you know; it’s nothing personal, sometimes it just happens. Also, do not disregard any of my muses' sexualities, most of them are bi/pan but some are not.

I’m open to talking to anyone! You can be a canon character, an OC, or just a regular person. Or any of the in between, it doesn’t matter to me. My one and only exception to this is anyone with an animated/cartoon only muse, if you have a human face claim I’m okay with it though.

I’m down for all the threads! So don’t be afraid to start more than one thread at a time with me. I also don’t have a preference on reply length- just as long as we can keep the thread moving along, I am perfectly content.

Along with that, I don’t mind rewriting anything! If you don’t like something or it makes you uncomfy, please don’t be afraid to message me and let me know. I will never be upset at someone for wanting me to redo something.

I also will never be upset if you tag me anything! Whether it’s something that reminds you of one of my muses or our muse’s relationship or something you made, I absolutely adore it!

And lastly just a few friendly reminders…

There is a real person with a real life behind this blog so response times will vary, but I promise I will get to everyone eventually! I save most replies to my drafts but sometimes I will forget one or two so if you see me replying to things and I haven’t responded to yours just shoot me a message!

You do not have to match my reply length- or even my format, just rp however you feel most comfortable and I’ll do the same- And please if you ever have any issues (too long, something in them, etc) with my starters, answers, etc please don’t be afraid to just shoot me a message and tell me what it is you don’t like and I’ll be happy to fix it!

I’m an extremely friendly person despite my extreme social anxiety and horrible social skills and I’m always looking to make new friends. Just send me an ask, meme, like any of my starter calls or reply to one of my open starters! Also, my messages on here are always open and you are more than welcome to ask for my Discord, it’s normally easier to reach me on there, and I rp on there as well.

#[rules & friendly reminders]#[the rules]#[please read before interacting]

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thexoutcast · 2 years ago

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Hey sweets! Below the cut is a list of rules and friendly reminders that is universal across all my blogs (so if you follow one already don't worry about re-reading these) Read them before interacting with me, please and thank you. Disclaimer: I do not own any of the rights to Willa Holland or any of the gifs/icons I use unless stated otherwise, I get them all from various places (usually Pinterest).

Second most important rule; I do not tolerate racism, homophobia, transphobia, or bullying of any kind. If I see it I will report and block you.

I also will never be upset if you tag me anything! Whether it’s something that reminds you of one of my muses or our muse’s relationship or something you made, I absolutely adore it!

And lastly just a few friendly reminders…

#[rules & friendly reminders]#[the rules]#[please read before interacting]

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sociopathicheretic · 2 years ago

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Well hello there! Below the cut is a list of rules and friendly reminders that is universal across all my blogs (so if you follow one already don't worry about re-reading these) Read them before interacting with me, please and thank you. Disclaimer: I do not own any of the rights to Kai Parker, Chris Wood or any of the gifs/icons I use unless stated otherwise, I get them all from various places (usually Pinterest).

Second most important rule; I do not tolerate racism, homophobia, transphobia, or bullying of any kind. If I see it I will report and block you.

I also will never be upset if you tag me anything! Whether it’s something that reminds you of one of my muses or our muse’s relationship or something you made, I absolutely adore it!

And lastly just a few friendly reminders…

#[rules & friendly reminders]#[the rules]#[please read before interacting]

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thelittleredwolf · 2 years ago

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Hello sweethearts! Below the cut is a list of rules and friendly reminders that is universal across all my blogs (so if you follow one already don't worry about re-reading these) Read them before interacting with me, please and thank you. Disclaimer: I do not own any of the rights to Madelaine Petsch or any of the gifs/icons I use unless stated otherwise, I get them all from various places (usually Pinterest).

Second most important rule; I do not tolerate racism, homophobia, transphobia, or bullying of any kind. If I see it I will report and block you.

I also will never be upset if you tag me anything! Whether it’s something that reminds you of one of my muses or our muse’s relationship or something you made, I absolutely adore it!

And lastly just a few friendly reminders…

#[rules & friendly reminders]#[the rules]#[please read before interacting]

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thesoulofthesea · 2 years ago

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Hello darlings! Below the cut is a list of rules and friendly reminders that is universal across all my blogs (so if you follow one already don't worry about re-reading these) Read them before interacting with me, please and thank you. Disclaimer: I do not own any of the rights to Ashley Benson or any of the gifs/icons I use unless stated otherwise, I get them all from various places (usually Pinterest).

Second most important rule; I do not tolerate racism, homophobia, transphobia, or bullying of any kind. If I see it I will report and block you.

I also will never be upset if you tag me anything! Whether it’s something that reminds you of one of my muses or our muse’s relationship or something you made, I absolutely adore it!

And lastly just a few friendly reminders…

#[rules & friendly reminders]#[the rules]#[please read before interacting]

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thechaosmuses · 2 years ago

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Hey, Hi, Hello! Below the cut is a list of rules and friendly reminders that is universal across all my blogs. Read them before interacting with me, please and thank you.

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the rights to any of the canon characters portrayed, any of the face claims used or the gifs/icons I use unless stated otherwise, I get them all from various places (usually Pinterest).

One of the most important rules; this is an 18+ ONLY blog, no minors allowed. Most interactions will be SFW, but others might not. And NSFW is not just limited to suggestive themes, it also includes violence, blood, alcohol, drugs, etc. If you are sensitive to any of that, this probably isn’t the blog for you. (Also, if you don’t tell me your age or it’s not somewhere on your blog (bio, pinned post, rules, about, etc) I will not follow you back) 2. Second most important rule; I do not tolerate racism, homophobia, transphobia, or bullying of any kind. If I see it I will report and block you. 3. I’m down for both SFW and NSFW interactions. However, all interactions will be treated as SFW unless you specify or message me otherwise. NSFW replies will be put under a cut; but I don’t expect the same from you. If our muses have never interacted, I prefer not to jump straight into NSFW interactions so please keep that in mind. (NSFW Hard-No’s: Incest, Pedophilia, anything to do with Scat/Urine, Non-Con/Dub-Con, Feet.) 4. Unless it is something you've been mentioned in, do not reblog it from me, reblog it from the source. The only exception to this is if it’s some kind of reblog game or if the source is no longer active to reblog things from.

5. If I notice that you are only following or interacting with only one gender of my muses (usually it’s the males) then I will slow my interactions with you. I understand that people have certain characters they love and certain preferences but it can be very discouraging for me, and my muses, when only one gender is getting all the attention. It's obviously a different story if you are only interacting with a single muse. 6. This goes with the previous one; please at least try and interact with at least some of my OC’s- again it can be very discouraging for me and my muses when only the canon ones are getting the attention. 7. Please do not ask me to rp a character that I don’t have listed or anyone from a fandom that I don’t have listed unless I have posted that I am taking suggestions. The characters I have are the ones that I play and that’s it. If I don’t have a certain character there’s usually a reason for it. And if I don’t have a fandom listed it’s probably because I don’t know much about it or haven’t seen the movie/show/etc. These next few aren’t really rules but… 8. I’m totally down with shipping but a heads up is always appreciated! And if my muse isn’t feeling a ship I will let you know; it’s nothing personal, sometimes it just happens. Also, do not disregard any of my muses sexualities, most of them are bi/pan but some are not. 9. I’m open to talking to anyone! You can be a canon character, an OC, or just a regular person. Or any of the in between, it doesn’t matter to me. My one and only exception to this is anyone with an animated/cartoon only muse, if you have a human face claim I’m okay with it though. 10. I’m down for all the threads! So don’t be afraid to start more than one thread at a time with me. I also don’t have a preference on reply length- just as long as we can keep the thread moving along, I am perfectly content. 11. Along with that, I don’t mind rewriting anything! If you don’t like something or it makes you uncomfy, please don’t be afraid to message me and let me know. I will never be upset at someone for wanting me to redo something. 12. I also will never be upset if you tag me anything! Whether it’s something that reminds you of one of my muses or our muse’s relationship or something you made, I absolutely adore it!

And lastly just a few friendly reminders…

#[the chaos muses;]#[rules & friendly reminders]#[the rules]#[please read before interacting]

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askanaroace · 2 years ago

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Hello! I feel nervous for some reason, but I’ve had questions and wanted to ask someone who was aro/ace for (hopefully) some answers. (Also, sorry that this is super long!) I’ve been aro/ace questioning for a little bit now, more so on the aro side, but I still feel a bit unsure of whether or not to truly consider myself ace. The thought of having sex with literally anyone kind of just makes me uncomfy and I didn’t realize that people actually had thoughts about having sex with someone they liked or found attractive? I feel more sure of being ace because of these things, but there’s still some doubt. I also do have a sex drive, but it’s not usually very strong and typically comes in waves, but it’s never driven or triggered by anyone. As for the aro difficulties, I would really like to date someone or do things couples do (minus the sex), but whenever it comes down to actually dating someone I’m talking to, it’s like my brain shuts off the “I like you” feelings and I get nervous at the thought of dating them? I end up feeling terrible in the end since I feel like we don’t like each other the same way. I always just thought I had really bad commitment issues, but maybe I’m kind of aro? When I think of being in a relationship, it’s like I just want to be really good friends with someone that shares similar qualities to that of a couple that’s dating, but the thought of actually dating sounds weird. I don’t think I’m demiromantic, because I’ve had romantic(? Maybe aesthetic?) attraction to people I haven’t known for too long either. The reason why I’m still unsure of both of them though is because I feel like I need to experience it to know whether or not I am aro/ace, but the thought of doing so feels foreign and scary because I’ve heard so many bad stories from friends. When I questioned these things to some people who are closer to me as well, it kind of just felt like they were telling me I need to wait for the right person to experience these feelings? And I know they mean no harm, but it just made me feel more like,, maybe I was in the wrong for how I felt??? Idk anyone around me who is aro/ace, but I do have friends who are lgbt+, but it kind of felt like they were telling me the same thing tbh... I know it’s not easy to ask someone to understand what you’re feeling when they might not know how or what it is you’re feeling, so that’s another reason as to why I’ve been wanting to ask someone who is aro/ace about my questions hfjshf

Here's what you need to do to be aromantic/asexual:

Identify as aromantic/asexual

Here's a random variety of things you do not need to do to be aromantic/asexual:

Be a certain age

Have certain experiences

Tried dating/sex

Know for sure that you're aro/ace

Prove your identity in a court of law

Prove your identity to your friends/family

Prove your identity to anyone

Pass a test

Get diagnosed as aro/ace

Have no questions or doubts about being aro/ace

Get certified as aro/ace

Fit a stereotype

Get permission to identify as aro/ace

Wait a certain amount of time

Identity is not about knowing for absolute sure. The labels we've created are just for sake of ease in communication. That's it. You get to pick your labels based on whatever criteria you have. Being curious about a label is a good enough reason to use it. Wanting to use a label is a good enough reason to use it. No one has a right to argue with you over your own feelings or the oversimplified words you use to describe those feelings.

Based on your feelings, I can certainly see what drew you to aromanticism and asexuality.

So what do you think, OP? Do you want to identify as aromantic/asexual? :)

#aromantic #asexual #questioning #aro #ace #aroace #aro valentine's treat #ask #anonymous #cleaning out old asks

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noteviljustbroken · 2 years ago

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Hey there darlin's! Below the cut is a list of rules and friendly reminders that is universal across all my blogs (so if you follow one already don't worry about re-reading these) Read them before interacting with me, please and thank you. Disclaimer: I do not own any of the rights to Daniel Sharman or any of the gifs/icons I use unless stated otherwise, I get them all from various places (usually Pinterest).

Second most important rule; I do not tolerate racism, homophobia, transphobia, or bullying of any kind. If I see it I will report and block you.

I also will never be upset if you tag me anything! Whether it’s something that reminds you of one of my muses or our muse’s relationship or something you made, I absolutely adore it!

And lastly just a few friendly reminders…

#[rules & friendly reminders]#[the rules]#[please read before interacting]

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madeofhellfire · 2 years ago

Text

Hey lovelies! Below the cut is a list of rules and friendly reminders that is universal across all my blogs (so if you follow one already don't worry about re-reading these) Read them before interacting with me, please and thank you. Disclaimer: I do not own any of the rights to Megan Fox or any of the gifs/icons I use unless stated otherwise, I get them all from various places (usually Pinterest).

Second most important rule; I do not tolerate racism, homophobia, transphobia, or bullying of any kind. If I see it I will report and block you.

I also will never be upset if you tag me anything! Whether it’s something that reminds you of one of my muses or our muse’s relationship or something you made, I absolutely adore it!

And lastly just a few friendly reminders…

#[rules & friendly reminders]#[the rules]#[please read before interacting]

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midnight-on-pluto · 3 years ago

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I really really really love your writing and the way you portray the Bnha boys! It's really accurate (in my opinion) and always a pleasure to read!💞💖💞💖❤❤❤

This one is a little more personal cause I'd like to see it in your writing, but could you do scenarios about how the Bnha boys react to finding lots of self harm scars on thier s/o? Specifically outer thigh and with fresh marks.

If you aren't comfortable with this I totally understand and you are more than free to reject this ask!

Here is a cute baby to make up for any uncomfy feelings and to lighten up the mood

They Find Your Self Harm Scars masterlist

Genre: fluff/comfort/angst

Warnings: Self harm scars mentions, little bit of angst, PLEASE DO NOT READ IF MENTIONS OF HURTING YOURSELF TRIGGERS YOU, I have other writing that would be better suited for you, don’t feel pressure to read this just because you like my writing and want to support. Thank you 💕

A/N: Thank you so much! I really try my hardest to portray the boys well lmao, I love you very very much kisses for you 😙💕💕 Yes!! I used to self harm so this is pretty personal to me as well. Once again if you are triggered by mentions of scars please shy away from just this one! There’s much more others you can read, but if this will help you feel better then please read on, my work is for your comfort and I wouldn’t want you to feel triggered by what I write 💕

✄——————————————————————

𓆝 Midoriya is a very happy and bouncy friend so when he finds your scars he’s so sad. He never knew you were hurting and you never said anything, so he never knew until now. He just placed a hand on your thigh and looks up at you with sadness. You’re flustered with his hand on your thigh and embarrassed that he’s noticed.

He notices the effect this has on you and pulls away immediately, giving you a tight hug and telling you he’s here whenever you need someone. You always call him whenever you need him, asking for cuddles or hugs, anything. He doesn’t care if you cry on his shoulder as long as you don’t do that.

You rant to him and he enjoys listening, nodding and making slight comments. He’s become your new comfort item and to be honest, after time you realize that you’ve been cutting less and less…..

𓆝 Todoroki may be dense, but self harm scars and fresh cuts, are something he’s familiar with. It’s not something that he’s personally done, but Touya had a multitude of scars, which included ones self inflicted with a pocket knife Endeavour had given him. When he first sees them his first reaction is sadness. Not for you, but with you. The fact that you had been doing that without his knowledge made him feel like he’s failed as a friend, and he doesn’t have much experience with friendship fo begin with.

He figures the last thing you need right now is for him to vanish, or push away because of this. He wants to better himself, as a friend. He tries to talk to you about it one day while you both studied. “Y/N, I’d just like to ask about your scars, on your thigh.” He notices how embarrassed you get and it seems like you don’t want to talk. “I know what they are, but I just want to help you, you’re my friend right? How can I help you?”

The gesture warms your heart, you rant to him, talking about any problems you have. And he listens, he really listens. Closely, with intent, and he reacts to them, giving you helpful advice.

𓆝 Iida has never really seen self harm scars nor really understands it. When he first notices it he’s so confused, “how did you get those scars, Y/N? Those cuts look bad…” Luckily you two were alone when he noticed but you still get super embarrassed. He’s so confused!! How are you confused?! He’s so sorry for anything he might’ve done wrong.

You have to explain to him that no, it’s okay the scars are just really personal. Still doesn’t get it so when he heads back to his dorm later he 100% looks up “strange scars on friend’s thigh” into google. Then he understands. He’s kinda sad you didn’t say anything to him but he understands what you meant by they’re personal.

He doesn’t know if he should tell somebody else, but he doesn’t want you to get upset. He decides that he should just help you out and make sure you know he’s someone you can trust and confide in. He doesn’t stop you, but he helps suppress the need to hurt yourself.

𓆝 Bakugo is angry. Not with you but with himself. How could he not see you’re hurting? How could he not be there for you when you obviously needed him. He’s tried so hard to become a better friend, not only to you, but to all of 1-A.

At first he distanced himself from you. It’s obvious to him that he’s not helping you so he’s not a good friend, he needs to leave for you to get better. It’s only after he’s been ignoring you for a week that he notices you’re doing worse. He sees the bags under your eyes, the puffy red of your face as if you’ve been crying all night. He can tell you’re hurting more, and that’s what makes him come back.

After that he doesn’t leave your side. He’s there for you, always. Him distancing made things worse so doing the opposite should make things better, right? He walks you to your dorm, he comes to get you in the morning. The sweater you told him you liked, sitting in your closet now and it still smells like him. “That’s what people like, right?” He asks when you question him. Class 1-A always wonders if you two are dating now and Bakugo snarls at them before hurrying you both away.

𓆝 Kirishima understands. He’s someone who’s definitely thought about it so when you tell him, he does everything right. He understands and helps you patch up fresh scars, rubbing scar cream on the old one. He lectures you about infections and how you should always disinfect whatever you use after, then disinfect the cut too.

He’s there when you need someone, and he’s there when you need him to patch stuff up. Seeing what you do hurts him, but he’d rather know when you do it and know that you’re safe and sound from infection.

He becomes a shoulder to cry on and someone you confide in. After a while he realizes you haven’t asked him to patch stuff up in a while and he questions you. It turns out having him around has actually helped, any of the newer scars have been patched up perfectly by yourself, and even then there’s barely any! He gives you a tight hug and congratulated you.

𓆝 When Kaminari notices he’s immediately thinking of other coping mechanisms. He’s the king of coping and offers many different approaches. You first start to notice little colouring books on your desk after he leaves, then there’s a journal, then a cassette player with tons of different mixtapes, all made by him.

You do try all the methods but they don’t completely stop the self harm. He’s offered so many things he even mentioned masturbation, good lord this boy.

Only stops once you’ve found one you love. Eventually you do and he’s so happy! This doesn’t completely stop you but you do it less and less, since you usually do the other coping mechanism instead :)

𓆝 Shinsou honestly doesn’t care? Not that he doesn’t care about you! He just thinks that what you do on your own time is your business. He does prefer that you don’t, but he can’t stop you and he won’t force you to stop either.

He does stay with you more often, napping in your room instead of his, studying with you, just doing “random visits.” It’s sweet gestures that he gives you, but he never once begs you to stop.

He understands why you do it, since I headcannon him as doing it himself, in middle school. He’s since stopped but he shows you how he understands so you don’t feel so alone, it’s really hard for him but it’s all worth it if it makes you trust him more and feel less alone.

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jiminrings · 4 years ago

Note

umm maybe this is me projecting bc i am messaging you during my break but for a drabble request, yoongi in a retail setting???? 😐😐😐😐 oc could either be a co-worker or a regular customer who asks too many questions 😔😌

retail-type beat

drabble week: day three

drabble week masterlist

pairing: customer!yoongi x retail worker!reader

wordcount: 3k

glimpse: "hi! almost thought you were hiding from me for a second. anyways, is this sweater wool or cotton?"

feedback + support mean the world to me!!

the last time you checked, work doesn’t start until nine

you kNEW it doesn’t start until 9 in the morning, so clearly that’s why you’re just wearing slides instead of your sneakers

the company uniform is either black or purple (it has to be from what the store is selling though so you can get to choose) with of course!!!! a lanyard!!!!

and you know this, because you’re still wearing your slides from home because it isn’t opening time yet

“goddamn it, i forgot to bring my slippers,” jin moans the moment he walks to see you, looking down on your feet that only reminds him he’d be stuck in his cool yet painfully uncomfy sneakers

he’s probably the only co-worker that you’re truly close with, not feeling the urge to sell him just to get a free day

“i told you to get the sneakers that nurses use!!”

hands-down one of the best purchases you’ve ever made

retail’s hard and it’s not exactly the best-paying job!!! thankfully the franchise owner is a bit more generous so that’s why you get slightly-higher hourly pay

“i would if they looked a little more seasoned,” jin snorts and stubbornly crosses his arms, “i might sacrifice my pride and buy some compression socks.”

OOOOOH THOSE ARE GOOD TOO

makes you feel like ur walking on air

but lol no seokjin isn’t ready to buy those just yet

he’ll settle on some blisters and putting salonpas patches because they look cooler that way, thank u very much <3

jin yawns, talking about finding a steam iron somewhere to replace a blowdryer so he could break in his shoes

“you wipe the glass this time.”

oh right he absolutely hates wiping down the glass — even before opening!!! even when there aren’t any grubby kids that would soil it instantly with their equally as grubby hands

you don’t mind it honestly

you might honestly like it

you prefer wiping the glass a hundred times over than steaming clothes

there is nOT a single thought in your head when you spray on the solution to the glass, rag and squeegee tucked between your fingers when-

maybe you should’ve hOLY FUCKING SHIT

it’s not opening!!!! it is nOT nine o’clock in the morning!!!!

you know that the shop you’re working in is pretty fucking famous and it’s located on one of the most populated streets ever BUT THERE’S ALREADY SOMEONE

although the bucket hat seems familiar from a distance and-

oh it’s just yoongi

yoongi?

yoongi’s already here????

yoongi, the guy in question, is an always customer!!

no, not a regular customer — an always customer

he comes every week and maybe even twice within that period

he’s a nice talkative customer who likes asking questions and even occasionally guides the other customers on what to buy and where to find it

he’s yoongi!!! of course that’s expected of him

he’s been going here long since you ever started working here, and jin keeps iNSISTING that he’s been here more frequently since you started like a year ago

but doesn’t he come at eleven in the morning?

“woah, yoongi’s already here? — doesn’t he come at eleven in the morning?”

?!!?!!

“i was just thinking the exact same thing.”

jin bangs the glass with his fist and you automatically wince and frown

you dO like cleaning the glass panes!! you didn’t say you liked cleaning them a second time :(

“YOONGI!”

“YES??”

you push jin’s fist away to wipe at the smudge his hand left

“IT’S NOT OPENING YET!”

“I KNOW!!”

wow they’re uh

they’re really loud

sometimes you forget how seokjin could be since it’s been awhile since you heard him yell

lol no one’s been shoplifting recently so you haven’t been hearing him

a mind-blowing idea is for jin to come outside and talk to him in a normal talking voice, so your ears would stop ringing

“HEY! WHAT IF YOU JUST ENTER EARLY IN?”

“REALLY? IS THAT EVEN ALLOWED??”

"YOONGI, EVERYONE ON THE FLOOR KNOWS YOUR NAME. NAMJOON EVEN GAVE YOU A CUSTOMARY BIRTHDAY GIFT, AND WE DON'T GIVE CUSTOMARY BIRTHDAY GIFTS TO ANY OTHER CUSTOMER!!"

namjoon, who technically should be called mr. kim because no one really thinks to call the franchise owner with their government first name, is actually pretty cool

but he's too busy these days and haven't been visiting because he's too busy tending to his newly-opened coffee shop

as if the money he earns from opening his franchise in a day alone isn’t enough :0

"IF YOU SAY SO?"

you’re the one who hikes up the roll-up door in the slightest, enough for only yoongi to enter and not encourage anyone else to nOT enter when it’s still not opening time!!!!

he only has to crouch a little but he still has to dust his thousand-dollar pants as if he crawled through mud

his cream-colored slacks with a large black hoodie that has a giant bear embroidered on the middle of it and mules

... you don't hate his outfits

pretty cute, actually

it's yoongi!!

you'd never catch him lacking!!!

you don't even have to envision him rocking the shit out a paper bag

one time, he came in the store wearing the WRINKLIEST brown linen jumpsuit that no iron could possibly fix and he still pulled it off

toon-teen-ten!

oh god that’s the sound of the intercom

and the sound of the intercom equates to jungkook

... as in jeon jungkook who’s the floor manager and his constant top one goal for every month is to endearingly annoy seokjin

he’s young and mischievous!! but if you were to ask him, only you and jungkook are the people in this floor he’d actually get drinks with outside the shop

“seokjin come to the lingerie department right now, please.”

you see the thing is :D

“now this is just funny

there’s walkie-talkies for everyone here!! jungkook likes intercoms, and seokjin like yelling!!

“WHY ME AGAIN?? I’VE ALREADY FOLDED-“

“there’s a literal rat and i need yOU to catch it!! you know that i hate rodents!!”

him and jungkook are forever gonna be on this eldest-youngest brother dynamic and while jungkook pouts and shared the extras that he gets, jin is the one who kills the bugs :D

10/10 totally fair

fine then!! he’ll catch that goddamn rat

that leaves you and yoongi. alone.

“why did you come so early this time?”

you ask out of courtesy, genuinely baffled too because you know that yoongi’s a creature of habit

yoongi’s eyes pop out, head fervently shaking no

“i’m typically not the type to do that, no.”

???

is he-

are you-

are you both talking about the same thing

yoongi’s face flushes in embarrassment, his mind just then registering what you were actually saying

“o-oh! it’s because last night, i dreamt of the sweater i saw here last week!!"

oh right

typical :D

"need me to find it for you or do you already know the aisle?"

you align the folded shirts by the corners as you pass, looking at yoongi briefly while he trails behind yoh

“not unless you pulled it out already."

he's hoping that dear god you haven't

the black sweater with the moon aND buildings on it and when you turn on the flash, the windows of said building reflect it right back???

he SHUDDERS just by thinking about it

it’s gonna go with everything!!! an instant boost of serotonin every time he sees it

"for you, yoongi?" you shake your head, a small smile on your face that he only sees every once in a while, "i'd comb through the entire stock room."

wait

that’s sweet :((

“i’ll hold you to that.”

you know what??? you're less cranky when it's only him, and a couple of hundred people less

your smiles aren't for customer-service and you don't have misplaced clothes hanging from your shoulders and your walkie-talkie isn't talking in latin

or when no one’s asking you to reach something from the top shelf

or when you’re on the way to the intercom because a kid got separated from their mother

or when someone’s approaching for a refund for a shirt who has a stain that’s 100% no doubt customer error

his feet immediately move on its own because he’s memorized the outline of this too many times

there it is!!!

the sweater he’s dreamt about is already on his hands, only a handful few left

the piece is considerably more expensive than majority of the items here, so that’s why they’re all spaced-out instead of being clustered altogether

yoongi rarely goes to the dressing room, regardless if it's a full-house or not!!

he could just look at an item and immediately tell that it’s made for him ta know

he's beyond sure that this sweater fits him perfectly, but he may want to be here a little longer

yoongi may have say inside one of the fitting rooms and spent a little time in it just to sit on the chair inside, not fitting the sweater at all

he's gotten his item SO quick and he wished he could've just walked slower or pretended to not know where it was!!!

he wants to spend a little more time here

you don't hate yoongi!!! but sometimes he could just be... yoongi

he's quite talkative and strikes it whenever, making you unguarded

he could be overbearing but like an overbearing kind of nice

yoongi’s nice!! he’s the type to ask a lot of questions sure, but he’s also the type that would point the other customers what to buy and where to find it

he’s the type to find an obvious faulty stitch on a shirt, but he’d just quietly exchange it instead of asking for the manager

he’s the type you wouldn’t want to stand behind in line because it would take a long time for him to finish, but he’s also the same one who buys giftcards with generous amounts for family and friends

yoongi’s kind of cool and that’s cemented on your mind

"what do you got for me?"

he materializes out of nowhere, spooked because you thought he already ringed up and was out of the store already

it just happens to be ten minutes before opening and you’re doing last-minute arrangements on a new spread

well, yoongi most certainly is still here and his attention’s piqued

“we have... a new collection."

you clear your theory, awkwardly gesturing because you’re more than aware that yoongi hasn’t seen this either

“yeah, i know that. but like, what's going on??" he gestures to the displays and racks, squinting his eyes, "what's the theme? what's the material?"

uhm you haven't read the brief about this

you aren't even sURE if there is one!!

doesn't everyone make up something on the spot in retail

or atleast that’s what seokjin tells you

“the theme," you clear your throat, scratching your temple before gesturing towards the full rack, "is everything."

“everything?

yoongi’s eyebrow is raised, not expecting that answer at all

you look back to the new feature, and nOW that you think about it,, there's no cohesion at all

“y-yes. the shop was going for the theme of uhm, everything... all at once — yeah, that's it. everything all at once."

it’s a nice way to put it when not one bit of the new collection goes together

“hmmmm. i like it,” yoongi nods solemnly and tilts his head, “and the material?"

"the material?"

you repeat, eyesight not the best so you can’t really tell anything off the bat or uh aNYTHING really

"t-the material is shirt."

they're all shirts!!! that’s it

yoongi grimaces in disgust, the first time you’ve seen of it

“what?? you can't say that.”

he outsretches his hand to the nearest article, holding it up by the hanger

"this, right here, is satin. see how it shines like silk, but doesn't feel like silk?"

uhm yes

you have a gist of what he’s saying but yes

yoongi picks up a pink button shirt this time, flipping it inside out

"this, is silk charmeuse. look at the inside, is it smooth?"

okay where is he going with this

he urges you to put your hand on the fabric and uhhh you didn't sign up for this???

it looks smooth, sure!! end of discussion

"yea-..."

“it's not. it's rough. it is smooth, but it's dull. silk charmeuse is still silk, but the backing it has is different from the lustrous part."

okay yoongi

you’re starting to feel uncomfortable and it has to do something with the tone he’s using on you

“can't believe you didn't know that!! how about this," he plucks out a shirt with a tiny print at the middle of it, "cotton or polyester and rayon?"

"i don't-"

there’s an itch in your neck that you want to scratch, a tell-tale sign that you just wANT to remove yourself from this situation

“come on!! it's a dead giveaway!!"

:((

why is he being like this?

toon-teen-ten!

“y/n, panty section please. jin almost got bit by a mouse and he needs comforting. two minutes until opening, people!!"

jungkook speaks at the right moment, and jin’s little incident is enough of a reason for you to bolt

yoongi's still looking at you but you can't afford to embarrass yourself further

“bye. happy shopping."

huh?

yoongi’s face falls when you leave as cold as that!! typically when you were going to show him out (when it’s regular shop hours), there’d be a smile :((

there's not even a customer service smile :(((

yoongi goes to the only cashier that's open so far and it happens to be far away from you and a teary seokjin

seokjin's fine he didn't even get bit!! that much he could say

but are you okay? uhhh you kinda went cold on him by the end and he thought he started on a good note

yoongi doesn't visit for another week and you don't find yourself counting the days until you meet him again

you did not have a devil wears prada moment where anne hathaway has an epiphany for fashion knowledge

you just felt belittled at a job that isn’t exactly what you wanted anyways

needed, yes. but wanted? not exactly

you know that basic knowledge about clothes is required in a retail job like this and you have it!! you do!!!!

you’d know more if only there were actual available resources for employees to know!!! nobody besides yoongi asks anyways

you’d know if you have time to yourself and aren’t working two jobs trying to make ends meet and tHEN you could pull up a book or something!!!

you’d know if your life is as lax as yoongi’s and could have the budget to buy new things for yourself every single week

“jin, i need to ask you something.”

he hums as called, looking at you briefly until you get on with it

“do you know the difference between silk and silk charmeuse?"

he shrugs casually while you're sitting inside one of the closed-off fitting rooms to catch a break, sharing a burger because the store’s packed-packed

why did you ask him? it’s too easy

“one's made by worms, and the other's a pokémon."

that,.,., could not possibly be righti* it brings you a laugh and you honestly don’t even try to correct him

it’s 11:15 and you kNOW it’s time to resume your shift, straightening your shirt because atleast one (1) person would hound you when they see a familiar red lanyard

oh you’re hounded alright

“hi! almost thought you were hiding from me for a second.”

yoongi????

you haven’t seen him for a week and you don’t know what to feel in all honesty

"anyways, is this sweater wool or cotton?"

wow

you're quite speechless as he holds up the item

really?

this thing all over again???

why are you even surprised

the only thing that yoongi gets your customer service smile, fishing your hand from inside the sweater to show him

“70% wool."

that's it???

NO GOOD MORNING????

you're mad at him, aren't you?

he knew it :((

he knew something was wrong but he just didn’t know what

he’s gonna fix this!! he will

which is why the very next day, he takes the day off from his work and comes to the store at a time he knows you’d surely be there

you're on cashier duty and you like it actually :D

you have an option to sit and the way you’re just gonna scan pricetags (and occasionally enter the code if it doesn’t work) is really appealing

“good morning!"

you’re about to grab the items from the basket laid on the counter and your eyes could only see the very familiar hand

the same one you’ve seen go through racks and racks

yoongi??

he sets his items one by one, buying himself more time

the first one is the same exact sweater he came to wait for before opening

“you already bought this."

you tell him even before you could hold it back, looking back at him briefly before you scan the tag

“i know. i just wanted to see you."

yoongi threw a bunch of other items (individually) so it would be a longer talk, but you scan each item quickly that he’s grabbing things from the counter

hand sanitizer!!! hair ties!!! keychains!!!! yeah he needs them

“i'm sorry that i tend to spring shit on you most of the time. you don't need to know the difference between silk and silk charmeuse."

you only chuckle then, a meek smile on your face

"it's okay, yoongi.”

“it's not."

... it’s not?

yoongi fidgets, opening and closing his mouth like he’s nervous!!! he’s never had his credit card cancelled but he could only feel that this type of jitterness is more than the former

“can i make it up to you? no lanyards, no baskets, no customer service?? i don't wanna fuck things up with you."

“don't feel obligated-"

“i know i could be a condescending ass who expects people to automatically know fabric and whatnot, but i wanna make it up to you."

alright yoongi’s a really good apology-maker

you mIGHT be even flustered a little

“you're holding the line, yoongi.”

“i cleared my schedule."

“i haven’t!!!!!” - guy in the back

“dinner at my place at 8. i-i promise to make your hard-earned break after your shift worthwhile!!!"

hmmm

maybe that wouldn’t hurt

“okay. just because you're holding the line."

“fine by me."

:))

yoongi transfers all the items he bought, all but one, to his tote bag

he hands back the paper bag to you, scribbling his address on the back of the receipt before he does

he lingers a little while at the counter, the people behind him ALREADY switching lanes to the one seokjin’s just opened beside you

it's the sweater that he has too

yoongi scratches the back of his head, this time being the meek one

“what? m-matching sweaters for our first date. s'cute."

#drabble week #yoongi imagine #yoongi imagines #min yoongi imagines #yoongi oneshots #yoongi oneshot #yoongi drabble #yoongi drabbles #yoongi au #yoongi x reader #yoongi x y/n #yoongi fanfiction #min yoongi fanfiction #yoongi fanfic #min yoongi oneshot #min yoongi scenarios #yoongi headcanon #yoongi fluff #yoongi angst

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alastaircarstairsdefenselawyer · 3 years ago

Text

romeo must die

this one-shot is based on the song Romeo Must Die by Gabrielle Aplin, I highly recommend listening to it! shout out to @eugeniaslongsword for introducing me to it :) i even borrowed some lyrics from it haha. it is also inspired by the entire playlist I made, "being treated badly by someone doesn't make you love them more"

content warnings: past toxic/unhealthy relationship, the uncomfy 6-year age gap between Alastair and Charles

Masterlist | Read on AO3

"Alastair, may I speak to you privately for a moment?"

Alastair looked up from what he was working on. He was in the library of the Institute, along with Cordelia, Thomas, James, Matthew, and Christopher. They were searching for any clue as to how Lucie had done what she’d done or what Tatiana and Belial were planning. Alastair wasn't entirely sure how he got roped into the ordeal, but it seemed as though Thomas suggested him as an extra set of eyes, and Cordelia latched onto the idea.

"No," he said curtly, returning to his reading.

"Excuse me?"

"I said no. I'm quite busy at the moment." Alastair spoke under his breath, not wanting to draw the others' attention. How many times had Charles barked the same words at him, swatting him away, hacking away at paperwork or planning his next step in his career? The words sat bittersweet in his chest.

"Surely you could spare a few moments."

"I certainly could. But I do not wish to." Charles had a way of getting into his head and twisting his words and his feelings. It was not an experience he wished to revisit. It was better here, with an audience. It had also been easier in the infirmary, knowing that he held all of the power. His father had made him feel the same way, he thought bitterly. He understood now that what he'd done at school was not only to protect himself from the bullies. He wanted to reclaim the power stolen from him by his father; he wanted for once in his life to hold power himself. He hadn't yet come to the realization that holding that kind of power did nothing but harm. It was of no use, anyways, because it didn't matter how much he perfected his tongue and his wit on the other students at the Academy, he was never able to use it when it counted. Not with Elias, and not with Charles.

"It's fine if you need to take a few minutes, Alastair,” Cordelia said gently. All of the eyes in the room had come to rest on the two of them. Now he wished he’d spoken louder.

“It’s alright, Charles was just leaving.”

He had hoped that Charles would give up and leave knowing that everyone was watching him, but he was determined. He grabbed Alastair’s arm. “It’ll just be-”

Alastair stood, but pulled his arm away. “Don’t touch me.”

In a flicker, Alastair saw it: the anxiety began to set in. Charles began to realize that he would not be able to play his usual tricks. “Why are you acting like this?”

“I believe I was quite clear when I told you I don’t wish to speak with you. You’re the one who can’t let this go.”

“Must you act so childish?”

He rolled his eyes. “Must you always call me childish for thinking for myself instead of catering to your every whim?”

“I don’t understand. You said we were fine.”

Alastair sighed. Perhaps for a moment, he thought that was true. For just a second, he thought there was a world where he and Charles could be friends. But Alastair had decided that he would no longer call people who hurt him his friends. “Yes, well, I lied. I wanted to let you down gently, but it’s clear to me now that it must be spelled out for you. How shall I put this? You and I are past our dancing days, Charles.”

“But-” He stammered, searching for words. “What happened with Grace Blackthorn wasn’t my fault.”

“Maybe not. But what of Miss Bridgestock? Am I to pretend that what happened with Miss Blackthorn was not the same as what happened two years earlier?”

“You told me many times that you took no issue with that, that you understood.”

“I understood what you told me, which we both know was never the full truth. I was a sixteen year old desperate for your affections, and the fact that you truly believe I never had any issue with your arrangement is proof that you never genuinely cared about me or listened to my thoughts. I told you in the infirmary that this wasn’t your fault because I thought it’d ease the pain, but I lied. And I don’t have time to sit here and watch you cry over it.”

Alastair wished that watching Charles become flustered would have been more enjoyable. Instead, all he wanted was for this to end. “You- you’re different than when we met. You’ve changed. You’re cruel and callous, I don’t understand how I could not see how heartless you were until now. You are everything that everyone claims you to be. How am I to even know what the truth is when it comes from your lips?”

There was a time when those words would have cut deeply into him, eating at his every insecurity, but Charles mistakenly assumed that Alastair was the same person he was last July, with the same insecurities. “When we met, I was fourteen years old. I’ve grown up, and it is time for you to do the same. It’s been six months, Charles. You need to stop writing me. If that makes me heartless, I don’t care. And if you wish to know the truth, the truth is that the moment you leave here, if I never see your face again, it still will not be long enough.”

Charles stared at him for a long while, unable to find a proper retort. In the end, it was Matthew who stepped in. “Charles, I believe it’s time for you to go.”

He obliged, finally turning to leave the library. As he began to walk away, however, Alastair knew that he was not finished. His heart beat a little bit faster at the thought of such a confession, and faster again when he realized who would hear it, but there was no piece of parting with Charles that he wished to regret.

“Wait,” he said. Charles froze and turned to look at him. “I know it’s unlikely that you have it in the cold depths of your soul to care, but let the record show that I would have given you everything. I would have given you my life, all of the love and trust that I had to give, and then I would have given more. And you gave me nothing. So the next time you’re pondering my heartlessness, you ought to wonder what that means for you.”

Finally satisfied, Alastair did not wait for Charles to turn and leave again to return to his seat and pick his reading back up. He waited for a moment, but he couldn’t shake the feeling of everyone’s eyes on him. He stood once more, opening his mouth to speak, but the words were caught in his throat. Instead, he walked out of the library in silence.

Finding the nearest balcony, he attempted to steady his breath.

“Are you alright?” He heard from behind him. Thomas. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you.”

He shook his head. “I just needed some air.”

“That doesn’t answer my question.”

Alastair sighed. He backed up against the window and slid down to the floor of the balcony. “I know- I know that everyone sort of knew already, but… by the Angel, I feel so pathetic.”

“You’re not pathetic,” Thomas told him, sitting down beside him.

“You were right, of course you were. I was so… taken with him, back in Paris. I couldn’t see him for what he was. I was so naive, so foolish. I just- After everything I’ve seen, everything I’ve been through, how did I not realize-”

Thomas put his hand on Alastair’s knee. “You wanted to see the best in him. After everything you’d seen and been through, you wanted to believe that there were still good and honest people in the world. And there are. I’m sorry that he was not one of them, but that does not make you foolish or pathetic. It makes you… kind.”

“I bet you’d never imagined describing me as such before.”

“It seems you’re full of surprises,” Thomas teased. “But that’s not true. I always saw the kindness in you, even back at school, when you did everything to keep it hidden.”

“As you can see, my ‘kindness’ has never gotten me very far.”

“You were out of practice. Following me on my reckless nighttime patrols, that was kind. More than kind. I don’t think I ever thanked you for that, for risking your life to protect mine.”

“I didn’t do it for gratitude.”

“And yet I owe you mine nonetheless.”

“I can’t go back in there, you know.”

“What do you mean?”

“I can tolerate you and your friends hating me just fine. But if any of your friends give me even an ounce of pity- well, we’ll see just where the limits of my kindness lie, won’t we?”

Thomas stood up, offering Alastair his hand. “Pity comes from those who cannot even begin to understand what you’ve experienced. For what it’s worth, I don’t think my friends will pity you. But if they do, you can ignore them. For Lucie.”

Alastair sighed and allowed Thomas to pull him to his feet. “Fine. Let’s get back to reading.”

“Speaking of reading, do you have the entirety of Shakespeare’s canon memorized, or only the lines you believe may pop up in conversation?”

“Excuse me?”

“‘For you and I are past our dancing days,’ it’s Romeo and Juliet, isn’t it? It’s the only one of his works that I got through.”

Alastair froze. “You haven’t read Hamlet?”

“I tried.”

“Othello? King Lear? Macbeth? Midsummer Night’s Dream?”

He shook his head.

“That’s impossible. And James is friends with you?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Wait until my sister finds out you haven’t read Hamlet,” he warned, starting towards the library with urgency in his step.

“Wait, don’t- I just don’t like Shakespeare! What’s so wrong with that?” Thomas’ attempts at reasoning were futile, however, a welcome distraction from all of their recent sorrows finally taking hold.

Thanks for reading!! This was self indulgent af lol. I'm not to sure whether some people only wanted to be tagged in my social media AU, so if that's the case I'm sorry & please tell me!: @stxr-thxif @chaos-and-starlight @lifewouldbebetteronmars @littlx-songbxrd @dianasarrow @eugeniaslongsword @bookswitchcraftandcats @jamesherondaleofficial @thomas-gaypanic-lightwood @livingformyself @anarmorofwords @foxglove-airmid @writeforjordelia @sapphic-in @thecodexsays @fortheloveofthecarstairs @alastair-esfandiyar-carstairs1 @shadowrunner2000 @thewarthatsavedmylife @fair-childd @icouldnotask @shadowhunting-hooligans @melanielocke @clarys-heosphoros @kiwichaeng @lightwoodsimp @thecrimsonsorceresss @theenchanteddreamer @adams-left-hand @yozinha-z @ipromiseiwillwrite @skirtsandsweaters @goodoldfashionednerd

#alastair carstairs #charles fairchild #if you're a charles apologist just block me #thomas lightwood #thomastair #tlh #the last hours #cw toxic relationship #coi spoilers #fanfiction #fanfic

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