#I have worn a watch every day since early childhood I need it to be a whole functioning person

[lotties-ashwagandha]

HOME FOR THE HOLIDAYS

riley johnson x fem!reader

you’re home for christmas, and in the chaos of the holiday season you find solace with an old friend. make the yuletide GAY wooooo!!! tell me you see my vision. 3.2k words.

You stand in the corner of the event center like Santa’s greatest reject. You have banished yourself, let yourself succumb to the fate of being The Weird One Standing In The Corner. It suits you better than the rest of the party — you have no connection to local politics here, you haven’t met half of the guests before in your life, and those you have met you would much prefer to stay away from. Your family has ditched you to mingle, and you start to regret coming back for them.

You are home for the holidays, and it has lived up to your expectations. Staying in your childhood home, met with familiar faces around town, dragged to every Christmas party you come across — privacy has evaded you, and so has the prospect of sleep.

You take a sip of your coffee. It’s the only thing keeping you standing — any of the alcohol being passed around would have you passed out in your car, and the warmth helps to soothe the biting chill.

You don’t hear her approach, but you recognize her voice instantly. “Good choice. If I got drunk right now I would grab the microphone off the stage and yell, ‘No, everyone, I can’t hook you up for any dull pain in your funny bone.’”

You turn to see her, a cup of coffee in her hands to match your own. She watches you with tired eyes, an ever-worn expression that you know every line and look of. Riley Johnson has joined you at your side.

“I didn’t know you were back in town,” Riley says. She turns to gaze out at the rest of the party. “You never called me.”

Fuck.

“Everything happened so last minute,” you lie. You knew you were coming back for weeks before you left home. “It has all passed by so quickly. The holidays always happen that way.”

She hums in response, offering a quick nod. Riley takes a sip of her coffee, a faint crimson smudge is left behind on the mug.

You’re desperate for anything to say to get yourself out of this. “Are you enjoying the party?”

Riley gives you a deadpan look and shoves her free hand into the pocket of her grey blazer. “No.”

It’s been a year, almost exactly, since you last saw Riley Johnson. You were once friends in high school, then roommates in your first two years of college, and now since you moved away you have been immaculately estranged. Since your early twenties you have been seeing one another once a year: during your visits to your hometown during the holidays.

You shouldn’t be avoiding her. Your relationship with Riley has faded pleasantly — she’s a doctor now, you’re successful in your own field, both of you have all you could want out of life. Yet the nostalgia you experience every time you meet her again is wrenching. It has become ingrained in you, triggered at every photo you see of her, the sound of her voice, the way you watch each other change and age with every passing year.

Riley studies you. She smiles softly. “You aren’t enjoying yourself either.”

“Just wait until the White Elephant party.”

She’s silent for a moment, clears her throat and looks back out at the crowd. “I don’t think I’m going this year.”

“You’re not?” A great sense of dread comes over you. Every year you attend the White Elephant gift exchange hosted by Harper’s family — Riley’s ex, another one of your strained friendships, whose family is intensely close to yours. You go every year. Riley usually joins you and for the night you are instantly allies again in the suffering.

“I have had enough years in a row of going to my ex’s house on Christmas Eve, getting drunk on cheap spiced alcohol, and spending the day at the mall wanting to kill myself in pursuit of a White Elephant gift.”

It is a fair point, but still… “I don’t think I can make it through the event without you.”

“No, you will be just fine,” she says. “Don’t let me get in your way.”

You need a drink after all – you need a drink because the hidden implication that you don’t need her has brought you to your limit. “Up for grabbing microphones off the stage?”

“What?”

You look down at your empty coffee mug, over at the drinks being served at the bar near the entrance.

You sit with Riley on a bench outside the building. Three drinks in now, both of your spirits have been lifted, and you disregard the cold night. The light coming from inside the party is cast over you, though you find relief from the noise of the crowd.

“Wait, wait,” Riley starts. “Do you remember when we went to a gay bar for the first time together? And then we got a cab home back to our apartment and you fucking vomited all over the backseat?”

You cringe at the memory, but beside you Riley is hardly able to breathe through her laughter. You throw your head into your hands. “I thought the driver was going to kill me that night.”

Riley pulls one of your hands away from your face and jabs a finger at you. “If you had thrown up in our apartment then I would have killed you. You got lucky.”

“I don’t know if lucky is the right word. Everyone around town was talking about me for weeks.”

“Oh, come on,” she sighs contentedly. “You’re complaining to the wrong person when it comes to public disgrace.”

She leans against you, hands stuffed into the pocket of her blazer and empty glass disregarded on the ground by her feet. For warmth, you think. She leans against you for warmth, and because you lived together for years, and because you are familiar and safe and even after all these years she knows everything about you. She leans against you because, like you, she holds trust in your friendship — however strained and monotonous and lonesome.

You want to wrap an arm around her and pull her closer. You want to lean into her, too, close your eyes and let yourself succumb to the comfort of her beside you and the sharp pine of her perfume. You stay still — if anything, you become more tense, though an unwelcome giddiness spreads through you at having her so close and you work hard to resist the urge to take her hand in yours.

“You’re an asshole,” Riley says.

You panic. “Why?”

“The elephant in the room. It wants me to go to its party.”

“It told you itself?”

Riley nods.

“What else did it say?”

Riley sits back up straight. She considers the mysterious white elephant’s words. “That we should go into town tomorrow and look for White Elephant gifts — unless you’ve already gone shopping.”

“I haven’t yet,” you smile. “I would love to go.”

“Good,” she nods. Her gaze settles on you, she leans back against the bench. For a second she seems to hesitate, gauging your expression to anticipate how you might respond when she says: “I’ve missed this.”

You nod, searching for the words – you have missed this too, you have missed Riley so intensely that you try to disregard any memory of her as it resurfaces during your everyday life. You have missed her so much that you neglected calling her and telling her you were coming back home for Christmas this year because you knew that if you saw her you would leave feeling empty without her. “I’ve missed this too,” you say simply. “I wish we could see each other more often. Once a year isn’t enough.”

Riley smiles softly, her features possessed with the same nostalgia wracking you. She doesn’t have to say it: once a year is the best the two of you will get. Your ship has sailed, you have parted ways, and you will have to make do with the blessing of your paths crossing every once in a lifetime.

Riley stands up. She looks down at you, surveying you for any changes since last year, in the same way you have been examining her. Above all, in her you have noticed a new exhaustion. It possesses her features with tantalizing strength, it has grown parasitically.

“Tomorrow,” she starts, always in her same awkwardness that is charismatic in a way you are not. “We will brave the storm of the mall.”

Terrifying. “I’ll meet you there.”

The night has grown colder. Riley stalks off and a frozen breeze whips against you, and no matter how you brace against it you are chilled to the bone.

You eye the forgotten glass she has left by the leg of the bench.

When Riley meets you at the mall the next morning, you are jittery with the coffee buzz you’ve gotten. You’re nervous, though you hardly have reason to be, and through a lapse of judgement you have been sipping on copious amounts of holiday-flavored coffee drinks while you wait for her.

Riley steps into the coffee shop you had agreed to meet at. It is a place of refuge from the chaos of the rest of the mall, though you have tried to escape the worst of the last-minute Christmas shoppers by going so early in the morning.

In an attempt to be gallant you pay for the black coffee she orders. A simple gesture, one she thanks you for and that you hope can start your journey of reconnecting.

“Okay,” she takes her coffee and looks out of the coffee shop at the rest of the mall. “Anywhere you have in mind to start with?”

You hesitate. It’s been so long since you visited the mall here – you usually come to town with a White Elephant gift in tow, but this year you ran out of time. You shake your head listlessly.

“Come on,” Riley grabs your arm and leads you into the mall.

First she leads you into a home decor store. You browse dinnerware, towels, anything cheap but still appealing enough to give away at a party.

Riley disappears into an area of kitchen gadgets and comes back with a plastic handheld citrus juicer. “Look at this fucking thing.”

She holds it up like a block of gold.

“Oranges,” she starts listing with a deadpan expression, “lemons, limes, grapefruit. Juicers are the future.”

You take the juicer from her. Looking it over, you see the appeal, but you don’t think Ted or Tipper will be as enthusiastic about a citrus juicer. Even one of the high-tech mechanical ones would still be a disappointment to their standards.

Riley snatches it back. “You don’t like it?”

“I like it,” you try. Riley shakes her head and tosses the juicer into the basket you carry.

“I’ll get it for myself. Merry Christmas.”

You look down into the basket. “You used to have one of these when we lived together. You would juice a bunch of oranges and make one singular mimosa for yourself on Sundays.”

Riley nods. The two of you walk deeper into the store. “Remember why you never got a mimosa?”

“No.”

“I had two juicers. The first one broke because you tried to crack nuts in it.”

Oh.

You pay for the citrus juicer, too. “For my sins,” you tell her and offer the juicer in a plastic bag.

You visit a fragrance store next. You decide that if you would appreciate a gift of seasonally-scented soap, so might someone else. You test the peppermint scents, the snowball scents, every variation of gingerbread. The store is packed and you lose Riley in the fray, but you end up by a back wall of older scents you suspect are soon to be cycled out.

You test the scents of the perfumes and soap, but one of them gives you pause. An old perfume you used to wear when you were younger. You thought the line had ended, but now you hold it new and rebranded.

“What’s that?” Riley peers over your shoulder. “Did you find one?”

You hand it to her. “You won’t remember. I used to wear this all the time, I thought it had been discontinued.”

Riley holds it up to smell. There’s a change in her features, the same heady nostalgia that you wore last night has spread to her. “I remember.” She looks down at the perfume, then back up at you, something unreadable in her expression that has you averting your gaze as your chest tightens. “It still suits you… Let me buy it for you.”

You shake your head. “You don’t have to.”

“I want to.”

She has made it to the cash register before you can stop her.

You end up at Riley’s house after purchasing your White Elephant gift, a gift card you put no thought into that everyone will be disappointed in — it’s hardly a gift, and not extravagant enough for White Elephant, but as the mall had gotten busier both of you had been craving to get out. Riley had invited you back for a drink, and it had been beyond you to decline.

You sit on the sofa with her, glass of wine in hand. A small fire dances in the fireplace, relief from the chill running through her house — one far larger than yours, exhibiting the wealth she has obtained through the years. You have been successful apart in your own fields, but you hadn’t realized the extent of Riley’s accomplishment until you had stepped into one of the grandest houses in town.

Instead of feeling welcomed by the grandeur, though, the house feels isolating. It is empty, except for her, and while you know she enjoys her solitude you can’t help but question how much more confined one would feel in the winter months living in a home like this.

“It’s different here for you, isn’t it?” Riley questions. “More contained than Christmas in the city.”

She says it like you loathe the ground you walk on, and you would sell your soul to be back in your house in the city a few hours away. As if you are dropping down into the fire every year you come back to smaller suburbs.

“It’s familiar,” you say carefully. “There are always pieces of this place I’ll miss and pieces I would rather not see again.”

“Is that why you didn’t call me?” She asks, studying you carefully, wearing a playful expression to fall back on. Gold is reflected in her eyes from the fire. It casts the two of you in its light, the rest of the room darkening as the day fades on.

“No,” you shake your head, stunned by the implication – but you remember your earlier avoidance of her, and even now you feel it in your bones drawing you away as you feel forever pulled towards her. It is a balance you don’t understand. “I always want to see you.”

Riley takes a long drink of her wine. Then she leans forward, elbows resting on her knees, and a spike of adrenaline runs through you like a high at her proximity. The silence between you is a heavy, living thing, charged with something best left unnamed. Her gaze flicks up to you and you hate how your breath catches, like it is her your heart beats for. “I hate those fucking parties.”

You know. You hate them, too, the political events and social squabbles hosted annually by the families the two of you grew up with – the events you hardly have a choice but to go to, because you have nowhere else to be for Christmas without a family started on your own and the parties are part of the package.

“I only go for you,” she says softly – anxiously. It is a new color on her. “I’ll never get anywhere with the people here. They all think I’m a stalker.”

You smile. “Aren’t you?”

“Are you into that?”

“I could be.”

Riley laughs, it cuts through the tenderness of her earlier confession. She sets her glass down on the coffee table. When she sits back up she shifts closer to you, like you are a very curious and outlandish thing to occupy space in her home, but one she would like to keep here permanently.

Again, you want to pull her closer to you, live in the bliss of her claiming your senses – and immediately, like being shot in the leg, you realize the nature of your push and pull. Every year it dawns on you and every year you push it aside, the growing love for her that has haunted you throughout every year you have spent apart.

You see it in her, the same longing. It sets you both in terrifying stillness that you don’t know how to break out of. She shifts again and her knee brushes against yours and sends a quick jolt through you, and no matter how you set your gaze away from her you betray yourself in the way you look at her lips.

In the nature of present longing, you make up for past regrets: You kiss her.

She leans into you, wrapping her arms around you and tugging you closer. For a fleeting moment you are wracked with guilt at the touch – after Christmas you will be separated again, back to your own lives and jobs and fates. You will return to your solitude and all of this will have to be forgotten.

The guilt is gone when her tongue slips into your mouth and her hands slide under your shirt. Just for now, you need each other. You have been given the blessing of an escape and it would be a waste of both of your time not to take it – you need it, and you feel in the hunger Riley kisses you with and the yearning in her touch that she needs it, too.

She pushes you to lay down on the couch, lips only leaving yours to pull your shirt over your head. Her hands are cold, you moan into the kiss when they start exploring the newly revealed skin. The warmth of the fire soothes over you in compliment, new softness amid the hunger.

Riley is gentle with you, handling you like an endlessly fragile thing. Her touch is anxious, cautious, but with every passing moment need grows in you, surging beneath your skin. In a smooth motion you pull her down so that it’s Riley with her back to the couch and you hover above her.

Her hands find your hips, nails digging sharply into your skin when you lean down to kiss her. Any hesitation is gone, you are left only with your longing as you rid her of her button-down shirt and your lips latch onto her neck. It comes naturally to you to be above her like this, you are driven on faultless instinct as you find every way to explore her neck and chest that leaves her breath heavy and back arching to find more of you to sate her.

Something breaks in the moment, tenderness returning when she pulls you back up from her neck to meet your eyes.

“Stay here with me,” she whispers. One of her hands runs through your hair and your eyes shut as you savor her. “I want to wake up with you on Christmas.”

You close the distance again, an unspoken promise that you are bound to her. You have found harbor here together, in the privacy of her home and in the love that never extends beyond each other.

HI HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!! happiest season has been my movie obsession this christmas so i had to write a fic for it 😋 if you enjoyed and wanna be my sexy secret santa then fill my stocking with a giant coffee (?) and i will consider it the merriest christmas ever. or just comment or reblog or whatever. anyway love love love you all thank you for reading!!!

[nebulousbrainsoup]

Day One

🏔️ SUMMARY: Something has been missing for the past few years Wooyoung has been to the mountain with your family and his. Maybe this year, he'll figure out what it is. 🏔️ PAIRING: brother's best friend!Jung Wooyoung x Kang!reader 🏔️ GENRE: smut, fluff 🏔️ AU/TROPE INFO: brother's best friend, mutual pining, childhood friends to lovers 🏔️ WORD COUNT: 6.2k whoops 🏔️ WARNINGS: language, smut, woosansang banter, sansang undertones 🏔️ RATING: mature 🏔️ A/N: Happy holidays from your CoDNet secret santa, @wooyoungqueen! This was so much fun to write, and I really hope you enjoy it!! it got a little away from me lol smut tags under the cut ; divs from @cafekitsune masterlist | join my taglist | buy me a coffee?

NSFW TAGS/WARNINGS: first time together, light praise kink, fingering, oral (fem receiving), wooyoung’s nose, they’re both switches, unprotected sex (reader is on birth control but boo), riding

The weeks following Wooyoung’s birthday had been a flurry of activity for nearly as long as he could remember. Whatever energy had been put into planning his celebration was rapidly redirected to coordinating the family’s annual trip to the mountains—an event that seemed to grow with him. It had been going on for as long as he could remember, beginning as a much-needed post-holiday getaway for his household. The first expansion came in middle school, when he met and attached himself to Kang Yeosang—the two families melded together naturally when the Kangs moved in next door, and one cabin rental became two, right next to each other and nestled among the pines at the Jungs’ favorite resort. It had been on one of these early trips that you and Wooyoung had become nearly as attached to each other as he and your older brother had been and, much to Yeosang’s chagrin at the time, their duo became a trio.

Despite Wooyoung and Yeosang having graduated and moved out, they both still found themselves drawn back to that same resort year after year. You, on the other hand, had not been so lucky. Your degree had proven a bit more demanding than either your brother’s or Wooyoung’s and, after your first year, they found themselves sharing deflated smiles as they watched you breeze through your parents’ front door after Christmas dinner. Something within Wooyoung ached each time, and the cabin he now shared with his brothers and yours—the cabins had long since been shuffled from ‘Jung’ and ‘Kang’ to ‘Parents’ and ‘Kids’—never quite felt the same.

He’d never quite figured out why his favorite tradition had begun to taste so bittersweet. Maybe, he decided, it was the monotony finally getting to him. Yeosang liked to call him a child of chaos, reminding him often that his creative slumps usually just meant he needed a change of scenery. He’d discovered every nook and cranny in both of the cabins they rented each year by the time he was 14. He’d been through every freestyle zone and explored every tree trail his board could fit through over the years, and even taught Kyungmin a few tricks. Now that he was of age, he’d been to every bar within walking distance of the slopes, too. The novelty had to have worn off; he’d seen and done it all. He’d give anything to see his safe haven for the first time again.

Maybe, just maybe, seeing it through someone else’s eyes would have the desired effect.

“Sannie, you said you snowboard, right?” He called from the couch, barely glancing up from his phone.

Wooyoung’s roommate blinked at him from the kitchen, leaned against the breakfast bar with his spoon halfway to his mouth. “I have before. I don’t… do it regularly.”

“And you had fun, right?” 

San blinked, confused, and let his cereal settle back into its bowl. “Yeah? What is this about, Wooyoung?”

“Great! You’re coming on the ski trip this year.” 

“Are you paying?” San scoffed half in jest, rolling his eyes heartily before turning his attention back to the book he had pinned to the counter.

“Yes.”

The flat tone of Wooyoung’s voice had him stunned, eyes wide as he slowly looked back up. “Are you serious right now?” When the younger nodded resolutely, no twinkle of mischief in his eyes, San gaped. “You’re not going to come up short on rent for this, are you?”

Wooyoung snorted. “No. It’s a family thing. My older brother can’t go anymore, so we’ve got an empty spot. Wanna come?”

“Absolutely.”

Pulling up to the cabin two months later with San in the passenger seat of his rented

SUV, he was certain he’d found the piece he’d been missing over the past few years. His friend’s excitement was palpable and contagious, the elder’s leg bouncing furiously and his cheeks split into a wide grin as he drank in the scenery. Wooyoung couldn’t help but laugh a little as he launched himself from the car the moment it was in park, spinning in the snow-covered driveway to take in the full view.

“Do you really come here every year?” He asked, his voice a little breathless with awe. 

Wooyoung grinned, nodding. “Since I was a kid. We stayed in the cabin next door until I was in high school, but that’s for the real adults now,” he snorted a laugh. “Once Sangie and I hit high school, we were trustworthy enough to watch my little brother, I guess, and it’s been kids and parents since. My older brother usually stays with us too, but he has some work thing, I guess.” San nodded, silent and still staring, and Wooyoung couldn’t help but watch him for a moment with a stupid grin. “C’mon, help me unload before everyone else gets here. Yeosangie’s ruthless about first-come, first-serve room picking.” 

That seemed to snap his roommate from his awe-struck stupor, and within moments, they found themselves wrapped in the familiar warmth of the cabin. Crossing the threshold into resounding silence had a pang of something wrong echoing in Wooyoung’s chest, and he frowned for a moment as he tugged his boots off. 

“This is nice.” 

San’s voice tugged him out of his thoughts, and Wooyoung forced a smile. “Right? Follow me, the good bed’s upstairs.”

They were each draped over separate arms of the couch, half-focused on the drama Wooyoung had put on, when the rumble of tires on the driveway pulled him from his half-asleep daze. San perked up with him, eyebrows raising as he blinked at his friend in question. “Your parents?”

Wooyoung gave a noncommittal shrug. “Or the Kangs.”

“Should we see if they need help?” He offered, standing and heading for the door. 

“Fuck that, it’s cold as shit out there,” the younger complained, nestling further into his blanket cocoon. “Have fun freezing your ass off.” 

“So thoughtful of you, Wooyoung-ah,” San teased, disregarding the grumble that left his friend. 

He listened as the front door shut and his friend called a greeting toward the car, a familiar female voice responding. Huffing a sigh, he turned his attention back to the TV. He could deal with his mother’s chastising of his terrible hosting later. 

What he hadn’t been expecting, however, was the door of his own cabin to swing back open wide minutes later, a blast of cold air cutting through the air along with an all-too-familiar laugh. His chest tightened inexplicably as it rang like a bell, San’s low chuckle echoing after it, and he turned toward the sounds.

“Two years, and you can’t even come help me with my suitcase, Youngie?”

At the sound of your voice, Wooyoung felt the air around him shift. The cold light filtering in through the windows seemed to warm with your entry, and all at once, the vast, empty cabin once again felt full. He stood, eyes wide and shining with glee as his jaw dropped open for a moment, his chest tightening with something he refused to acknowledge. Schooling his expression into his usual mischievous smirk, he crossed his arms over his chest. “You’re a big girl, Y/N, you could handle it yourself.”

You sighed heartily, rolling your eyes playfully before turning your gaze to San, who was busy shutting the door behind you. “At least chivalry isn’t completely dead.”

He perked up with wide, round eyes, flashing a megawatt smile at you, and Wooyoung felt the cabin dim a little again. “It’s no problem at all. Where do you, uh… Wooyoung hasn’t given me the full tour, so I’m not sure where to take your stuff.”

Once again, your mirthful gaze turned toward your childhood friend, and his smirk ticked back up. “I assume this one took the good bed all for himself already.”

“The early bird catches the worm, and all that,” he taunted back, San nodding affirmation beside you.

You clicked your tongue in disapproval, sighing and shaking your head. “Can’t even let me enjoy it. I have to get my gear from the car, but I can show you when I get back in, if this one’s still intent on becoming one with the couch.” You nodded back toward Wooyoung, pulling a bark of laughter from San, and something within the younger twisted. 

“I can show him, go get your stuff,” he sighed, waving you away as he started for the hall. San glanced between the two of you for a moment before catching your amused, warm smile and, confusion alleviated, followed his friend.

“You didn’t tell me your friend had a sister.” 

Wooyoung hummed quietly in acknowledgement, pushing open the downstairs bedroom door. He hadn’t stayed in this room in years, preferring to curl up in the upstairs bedroom with Yeosang and leave this space for his brothers, and for a moment, he was surprised at how small it felt. The twin beds in their corners and the heavy wooden dresser had seemed impossibly big, once upon a time, and lonely as the moonlight filtered through the blinds. Now, the space felt close and cozy, the patterned quilts and stripes of sunlight bathing the room making it look like something out of a catalog. Wooyoung’s chest tightened again and he smiled, nostalgia settling like a blanket around his shoulders.

“Honestly, I didn’t think it would be relevant,” he admitted, pulling open the closet door to check for extra blankets. “You can put her stuff on the bed by the window; she prefers that one.” Behind him, San’s eyes narrowed. “Like she said, it’s been a couple of years since she’s been here, and nobody told me she was coming.” 

“Are there going to be enough beds?”

Wooyoung paused, lips pursed in thought and hands on his hips as he turned to face San. “That… Is a very good question. I think we have air mattresses? Worst case, we can stick the kid on the couch or something. We’ll worry about it when—” The sound of a car horn cut him off, and Wooyoung peered through the blinds to peek at the driveway, a grin splitting his face. “After everyone else is through unloading. C’mon, we can still hide in the bedroom if we hurry.”

San fixed him with a flat look, shaking his head gently. “I am going to be nice and help your family unload their car. You can come with me, or you can leave me unattended to gossip with your mom for however long this takes.”

Wooyoung blinked owlishly until San turned to leave, following along behind his roommate on autopilot. “I hate you,” he muttered as they paused to tug on their boots, and San grinned.

Preparations for the traditional, joint-family, first night dinner were underway as you bustled around the kitchen with Wooyoung and both of your mothers. Yeosang and San had both offered their assistance; your brother had been met with a resounding, unanimous ‘No’ from the four of you, which he responded to with a cheeky grin and a small giggle, and San had immediately rescinded his offer. It felt natural for the four of you to be here together again, dancing around each other with a practiced ease as your mothers set themselves up at the island, massive metal bowls and all of the ingredients for kimchi spread out between them. You and Wooyoung quickly sidled up together at the stove, whisking the tteokbokki and potstickers that had been waiting into the living room to keep your fathers, siblings and Wooyoung’s friend occupied while you made the main course. You weren’t surprised to find your brother sat on the floor, his arms open as Kyungmin rushed him for a hug, but you caught the small, choked noise Wooyoung made at the sight of San alongside the pair. You flashed him a private little smile, and a swarm of butterflies kicked up in his stomach.

When you settled at the stove together, you nudged him with your hip, prompting a huff of laughter and a return of the gesture.

“I like your friend.”

Wooyoung nearly dropped the skillet in his hand, the heavy dish clattering against the stovetop loud enough to put a stop to your mothers’ conversation. They peeked back at you, but Wooyoung waved them off as he swallowed bile.

“San?” There was an edge to his voice, he could tell, and he could only hope you hadn’t noticed it, too.

“Yeah,” you nodded, seemingly oblivious as you stirred black bean paste and brown sugar together. “He fits in well and he’s really sweet. You should bring him every year.” 

Something vile twisted in Wooyoung’s gut. “Maybe. I’ll see if he wants to come back. Who knows, maybe you’ll scare him off?” He snarked, flashing you a wicked grin. You barked a laugh, elbowing him and earning a squawk of indignation as his pork-filled skillet shifted over the fire. “Careful, you’ll burn dinner! Or worse, me!”

“What’s this about you being the worst?” Yeosang chimed as he slipped over to the fridge, his sudden appearance pulling a shout from the man next to you.

“Oh my god, you need a fucking bell!” 

“Watch your mouth, there are children present,” you chastised, clicking your tongue. “We were talking about San,” you supplied as you turned back to your work, and Wooyoung frowned. Yeosang caught the look before he could wipe it away, cocking an eyebrow and smirking knowingly over the neck of his bottle. 

Whatever that meant. 

Wooyoung glared at him.

“I like him,” Yeosang offered, “he’s sweet. And handsome.” Wooyoung flashed him another glare, this time unintentionally, and your brother shrugged innocently.

You, completely unaware, hummed in agreement. “I was telling Youngie he should bring him back next year. Maybe we could talk to Mom about swapping cabins so I could bring Somin with me and introduce them; they’d be a cute couple.” 

The nastiness in Wooyoung’s gut untwisted, and he sighed silently. “I like that idea!”

“I don’t,” Yeosang grumbled, frowning. “Then I’ll be stuck as the fifth wheel.” 

You both whipped your heads up to him, brows furrowed in confusion. You thanked whoever was listening that your brother was on the other side of Wooyoung, because you flushed bright pink at his teasing. He was well aware of the little crush you had on your mutual best friend, and he took every opportunity to tease you for it.

“Last I checked, everyone else here was single, and that’s probably not going to change any time soon,” you huffed, stirring the mixture in the wok with a bit more vitriol. Yeosang hid his smile behind his bottle as Wooyoung, too, glared at him.

“You never know,” he hummed, sauntering off back into the living room.

The silence that fell between you and Wooyoung held more tension, this time, as you both processed. Wooyoung stared at the kitchen backsplash, unblinking, until your voice broke him out of his thoughts. 

“You’re burning the pork.” He startled, promptly pulling the skillet off the stove. You laughed, and just like that, things returned to normal. Shaking your head, you spooned the black bean paste into a bowl and offered him the wok. “I thought you said you knew how to cook now.” 

Wooyoung huffed indignantly, hip bumping you to the side. “I can make jjajangmyeon.”

“That was mean, Yeosang, rubbing it in like that.”

Your brother hummed from his place on his bed, eyes glued to the ceiling. Lazily, he turned over and blinked at you. “I’m not rubbing anything in. I’m trying to open your eyes here. He’s been in love with you since we were kids, Y/N.” 

You rolled your eyes, flopping onto your own mattress. “If he had been, he would have done something about it.” Yeosang snorted. “I’m serious! If there’s one thing I know about Wooyoung, it’s that he takes what he wants.”

“You think that rule applies to his best friend and other best friend’s sister? He’s probably worried I’ll be pissed if he tells me or something.” 

Again, you rolled your eyes.

“I wouldn’t, honestly,” San replied, eyes wide as he tracked Wooyoung, pacing the floor in front of him. “I know how mad I’d be if it turned out you were in love with Haneul.” 

“That’s what I’m saying, Sannie,” Wooyoung huffed, collapsing on his back and spreading out across the mattress. He squirmed, situating himself with his head in San’s lap, and the elder obliged, petting at his hair. “But she’s so pretty.” 

“She is,” he agreed, holding his hands up in surrender as Wooyoung glared daggers at him. “I’m just saying! Your friend’s sister is pretty! Would you rather I disagree?”

Wooyoung huffed a sigh, frowning and settling back into his roommate’s lap. “God, this week is gonna suck. Having her here is like… It feels better, but it also feels worse, y’know? She’s so close but so far away.” 

“You could always, like… Ask Yeosang for permission, first.”

“Didn’t you just advise me against that? Whose side are you on here?”

San shrugged. “I’m just trying to help so I don’t have to listen to you complain all week on the slopes.”

Wooyoung reached up, the back of his hand coming into contact with San’s shoulder and pulling a pained noise from him.

In the morning, you were all up early. Breakfast was a quick, chaotic affair of the four of you cycling in and out of the kitchen, breezing past each other and shouting across the cabin as you made plans. Within an hour of pulling Yeosang from the comfort of his bed, you were all crammed into Wooyoung’s SUV, flasks on your hip to warm you in the snow and your gear strapped to the ski rack. Yeosang, much to your surprise, had slipped into the back seat before you'd even left the house, and was chatting away happily with San as you slid in the passenger seat. 

“Who are you and what have you done with Kang Yeosang?” you teased, flashing your brother a skeptical half-glare. He huffed a breath through his nose and rolled his eyes, flopping sideways to lay his head on San’s shoulder, The man flushed bright red but he didn’t flinch or pull away, and you filed that information away for later. 

“I made a friend. Let me enjoy him.” You thought San flushed brighter at that. 

“Good luck, Sannie, you’re never getting rid of him,” you warned good-naturedly, flashing him a smile in the rearview mirror.

He gave a nervous half-smile, nodding. “Can’t imagine wanting to.”

Your brother’s lips pursed into a small ‘o’, and you watched with a grin as pink dusted his cheeks, too. 

Wooyoung seemed surprised by your presence in the front seat, too, as he poked his head in and met you with a “deer-in-the-headlights” look. “That’s not the Yeosang I know.”

You gestured at him, smacking his arm lightly as he climbed into the car. “That’s what I said!”

He grinned, laughing his signature, unfiltered cackle, and your heart clenched. “God, I’m glad you’re back.”

Whether or not Wooyoung noticed the way you sheepishly smiled at your lap, your brother did. He grinned, nudging San, who blinked at him in confusion. This would be a fun week.

The four of you began the day together, meeting at the base lodge with the rest of your family to distribute lift tickets and set an emergency and end-of-day meeting point. You started as you always did, cruising down some of the shorter greens at the base of the mountain as a whole unit as you got your legs under you. You, Wooyoung and Yeosang were ready to crank it up in minutes and, for the most part, your parents were ready to follow. Kyungmin and San were falling more than the rest of you, the former sticking close to his brother and the latter frowning and sighing as he fell into the snow. Yeosang chuckled and laughed at the pout visible under his helmet, skiing over to offer the snowboarder a hand up, and you were left alone to drink in the scene. 

You sighed happily, staring up at the peak and drinking in the scenery as you leaned on your poles. People darted and dashed around you, cutting through the snow with ease and creating the perfect soundscape of white noise. You didn’t notice when Wooyoung slid up nex to you until he spoke, startling you out of your reverie. 

“Penny for your thoughts?” 

You jumped, leaning hard on your poles and reaching out to steady yourself. Wooyoung dropped his board into the snow and planted his boots, arms wrapping around your middle as you stumbled on your skis. Sighing as you found your balance again, you rested your hands on his arms, eyes slipping shut. 

“Thank you,” you hummed, turning over your shoulder with a smile to—oh.

He was so close to you. You felt your cheeks heat again, this time not from the sting of the cold. “You’re… welcome,” he muttered, and you felt your heart leap into your chest.

“Hyung!” You nearly fell back over as you and Wooyoung jumped apart at his little brother’s excited cry. “Did you finally tell Y/N-ie that you love her?!”

When you looked back at Wooyoung, stunned, he stood stock-still, his expression unreadable under his helmet. The tension could be cut with a knife as silence settled between you.

It was your brother that saved you, head snapping toward you like a meerkat at Kyungmin’s shout. With a quick word to San, he zipped over, calling out to the youngest. “Kyungmin-ah! Why don’t you come help Sannie? He’s having a little trouble.”

“But Yeosang-hyung—”

Before the boy could protest further, your brother grabbed his hand, tugging him across and along toward the rack San was sat beside, leaving you and Wooyoung alone.

“Y/N, I—”

“You love me?”

You both began at once, but your words cut through the air like a war cry. 

Wooyoung was quiet for a beat and you squirmed, glancing away to your brother for an escape. He afforded no assistance, his back turned to you and shielding the younger Jung’s gaze in a way you knew must have been intentional. 

Finally, he spoke, he voice barely audible over the roar of the lodge activity. “I always have.”

You huffed a sigh, rolling your eyes and shuffling on your skis, starting away. “Of course you have, Wooyoung. Like a brother does, always. Never anything more.”

“No, Y/N, you’re wrong.”

You froze as he called after you, turning over your shoulder to stare at him. He had taken his helmet off, it and his goggles hanging limply at his side, giving you a window into his heart through his warm brown eyes. He swallowed thickly and stepped forward, offering out a hand. His was shaking just as much as yours was as you took it, using him to balance as you popped your skis off. He gave you no time to pick them up before he was in front of you and dropping his helmet to the ground, taking your other hand in his and breathing a quick sigh.

“I wanted this to be romantic and blow you away and this may not be the best time, but god dammit if I don’t tell you now, I might never.” He paused, taking another breath. “It’s been more since I knew what ‘more’ meant. I’ve loved you for as long as I can remember—not as your brother or his best friend. I love you for you; for the woman you are, the girl you always have been, and whoever you may become. You are… so gorgeous and so sweet, and I’d do anything to call you mine.”

You were beaming at him, clenching his fingers tight like a vice as he paused. The silence had him squirming, you could see, and you scrambled for something, anything to match his heartfelt confession. In the end, what came out of your mouth was, “All you have to do is ask.”

“Kang Y/N, will you do me the incomparable honor of being my girlfriend?” His grin matched yours. 

“Yes, absolutely,” you sighed, breathless between the mountain air and the affectionate tightness in your chest.

The next instant, his lips were on yours, and you grasped desperately at his shoulders as you scrabbled for your footing in the snow. Behind you, you thought you heard San cheer, and you laughed quietly against Wooyoung’s lips. When you parted, breathless for an entirely new reason, you were happy to find your boyfriend just as disheveled, beaming at you like you hung the stars. 

“I love you, Y/N.”

“I love you too, Wooyoung.”

Out of sight—not that you would have noticed—your brother held out a fist for Kyungmin to bump.

“What was that you said about ‘never having a chance?’” Yeosang teased over dinner that night, the four of you sprawled out between the two couches in your cabin. You pulled your sweater over your face to hide your embarrassment, snuggling deeper into Wooyoung’s arms.

“Oh, shut up! He’s been your best friend and one of mine since we were kids. How was I supposed to know—”

“You were supposed to trust his best friend and your brother, is what should have happened,” he huffed.

“How did you even know?!” Wooyoung protested. You could hear his glare.

“You’re not subtle, she’s just oblivious.”

“Hey!”

“That’s my girlfriend you’re talking about!”

Yeosang sighed, rolling his eyes heartily and pushing himself up off the couch. “I’m already sick of third wheeling. San, come help me move your stuff so they can have their own room.”

Wooyoung grinned against your neck, squeezing you tight. “Oh, they might regret that,” he hummed in your ear, tapping your thigh to guide you off of his lap. “I’ll help! Sannie can stay.”

Your brother raised an eyebrow, the corner of his mouth ticking up in a smirk. “Oh, now he’s helpful. A changed man.”

“Only the best for my princess,” he teased, shooting you a wink over his shoulder. You pulled your sweater up over your nose again, grinning and hiding your flush.

An hour later, your stuff had been moved into the upstairs bedroom with Wooyoung’s, and Yeosang and San were gathering their gear. You turned to peer at them over the back of the sofa, eyes wide and innocent. “Where are you off to?”

“We saw signs for night skiing, and he was interested,” your brother explained, jabbing a thumb over his shoulder. “I didn’t want to leave him with mom and dad, so I’m going too. I think Wooyoung was thinking about coming, but…” he gave you a knowing look. “I thought if we gave you a couple hours of alone time, we could sleep tonight.” 

Your cheeks heated. “Yeosang!” 

“Thank you, bye, have fun!” Wooyoung called as he slid up behind you and looped his arms around your waist. “That’s enough talk about our future sex life. Be safe.”

“Two and a half hours,” your brother warned, giving you both a pointed glance. Behind him, San’s cheeks were tinged pink. “Remember what I said.”

This was directed over your shoulder to Wooyoung who, when you turned, had gone a little pale. The door shut with a purposeful slam and you turned in his arms, cupping his face.

“What did he say?”

“That, uh… If he hears anything, he’ll give our moms the details. And tell your dad.”

“We’d better get it out of our systems while he’s out then, huh?” 

You’d watched Wooyoung short-circuit before over Yeosang babbling on about his engineering studies, mostly. Being the reason he did so now, especially when it was enhanced by the pretty pink tinge that rose in his cheeks and ears, was an entirely new and delightful experience. 

“Unless you don’t—” you began when the silence stretched, only to be cut off by his lips on your own.

“Absolutely the hell not,” he practically growled, and you felt your knees go a little weak. “I’ve waited way too long to have you—I’m not waiting any longer.”

“Then don’t,” you breathed, stepping back from him and catching his hand in yours as it fell between you.

The two of you practically dashed up the stairs, barely pausing to kick the door shut and lock it before your lips were pressed together again, both hungry for each other. His hands ran up your sides and under your sweater, rucking it up and grabbing at the soft skin he found underneath. Your fingers tangled in his hair and tugged, pulling a pretty moan from him that you wanted to hear more of right then and there. He gave you no time, however, spinning you and walking you back toward the bed. 

When your knees hit the mattress, you both fell in a giggling heap onto it, Wooyoung caging you in below him with his hands on either side of your head. His lips found your jaw the moment you both settled and he let his eyes flutter shut as he trailed kisses down your throat. There would be time to watch you come apart for him later; now, he wanted to bask in all the pretty little sounds you let out as he worked you up. It didn’t take long before you were squirming under him, hands grasping at his hair while his lips and hands sought each other through the barrier of your sweater. When his lips reached your neckline, he guided you up and pulled your sweater over your head, tossing it to the side, your bra quickly following. 

He sat back on his heels, hands on your waist to keep you upright as he drank you in, eyes wide and earnest. You felt your cheeks heat, tugging at the hem of his own shirt to resist the urge to cover yourself. He obliged immediately, the garment discarded like yours, and your hands immediately found his skin. Wooyoung shivered as you ran your fingers up his chest, tracing over the lines of his abs and ghosting over his nipples, delighting at the shiver that lit down his spine and the whine that spilled from his lips.

In the next moment, his lips were on yours and he was guiding you onto your back once more. His hands stopped only to squeeze your breasts and tweak at your nipples in return, pulling a gasp from you and a grin from him, before they came to rest at your waistband, fingers dipping under it. You lifted your hips obediently, your lounge pants and underwear being pulled off and shucked away at once and earning a purr of “Good girl,” from Wooyoung.

You whimpered at that and he grinned, raising an eyebrow at you as he lowered himself between your legs. “Noted,” he hummed, pressing a kiss to the inside of your thigh. “Sit there and look pretty for me while I open you up, okay.”

At a loss for words, you nodded dumbly, gasping as his lips met your skin again. You melted back into the pillows with a moan as his breath ghosted over your core, hips twitching in anticipation. “W-Wooyoung,” you tried. He grinned wickedly up at you. 

“Don’t worry, sweetheart. I’ll take care of you.”

Without another word, he was pressing his tongue to you and lapping a fat stripe up your core, flicking his tongue over your clit with a little flourish. You squirmed and he grinned against you, moaning into your heat as you tugged at his hair, silently begging him to come closer. He obliged and buried his tongue between your folds, the curve of his nose bumping against your sensitive bundle of nerves as he lost himself in your taste.

His hands came up under you to cup at your ass, kneading at the soft flesh as your thighs landed over his shoulders. You whimpered and squirmed, thighs twitching by his ears, and Wooyoung couldn’t think of any place he’d rather be. His fingers prodded against your entrance and he glanced up questioningly as your hips jerked, as if both you and your body were unsure if you wanted more or less. The sight that met him was one of beauty; your hair was spread across the pillows around you and the hand that wasn’t tangled in Wooyoung’s hair had begun kneading at your breast—and Wooyoung rutted down into the mattress with a low groan. 

You nodded frantically as he pressed more insistently against your core, and he quickly slipped a finger into you, preening at the sigh you let out. He worked it slowly in contrast to his quick tongue, and the difference quickly had you seeing stars. Eyes still locked on your writhing form, he pressed a second finger in with the first and crooked them up, seeking out your sweet spot. The moment he found it, he grinned, committing the little squeak of pleasure that left you to memory for later.

It took seconds, then, for the coil in your gut to snap, and your back arched off the bed as you rode out your high against Wooyoung’s sinful mouth. His eyes were wide and innocent as he worked you over your peak with no sign of halting, only freeing you from your torment when you tugged him back by his hair. He surfaced with a gasp and a grin you quickly wiped off his face as you crashed your lips against his own.

There was no time for him to react as you shoved him down next to you and climbed into his lap, settling your weight over his clothed cock. He groaned and winced, neglected length throbbing painfully at the sudden stimulation. You giggled and he glared, hands settling on your hips to encourage you to start grinding against him. With a coy smile, you moved his hands back to the sheets and shifted back to his thighs, fingers tucking under his waistband. What you found made you freeze, and you were gifted with another beautiful Wooyoung giggle as he grinned up at you. 

“You were expecting this, weren’t you?” You muttered as you tugged his pants down and, just as you had guessed, found no underwear beneath.

He shook his head, expression suddenly softer. “Expecting, never. Hoping?” He grinned like a Cheshire and leaned forward, cupping your ass and dragging you up to press your core against him. “Always,” he purred, darting up to catch your lips once more. 

You hummed happily as you ground down against him, the friction welcome but far too little after experiencing his tongue and fingers. “Wooyoung,” you managed between kisses, shifting further up so his head caught on your entrance. “Wanna ride you baby, please?”

He let out a wrecked groan and nodded, wrapping an arm around you to lift you as the other positioned his cock at your entrance. “Wait, shit,” he murmured, shifting under you. You whined, thighs clenching to keep him in place. “Condom.”

“I’m on birth control,” you muttered, grinding against him, “wanna feel you, please.”

Wooyoung cursed, hips rolling up against your own. “Don’t have to tell me twice.” 

You beamed, pressing another quick kiss to his lips as he lined himself back up. His hands held you steady, setting the pace for you as he filled you inch-by-inch and you whined in protest, brow furrowing. Pressing his wrists down into the sheets, you sat yourself on his cock in one fluid motion, pulling cries from both of you. Ravenous, you slotted your lips against his and immediately began riding him in earnest, grinning against his lips at the squeak he let out.

“F-Fuck, babydoll,” he gasped out, hands returning to your hips when yours grasped the headboard for balance. “Not gonna last if you keep at this—shit.”

“Play with my clit,” you breathed, walls clenching around him at the hungry look he gave in return, “and I won’t either.” 

Wordlessly, he nodded, tongue flicking out to wet his thumb before settling over your clit, pushing back the hood before rubbing tight circles over it. You let out a broken shout and he moaned quietly, cock twitching pleasantly inside you. 

“G-G’nna…” he gasped, swallowing thickly as he staved off his climax.

You nodded, pace picking up just barely as you chased your releases. A moment later, your walls began fluttering around him and your back arched, mouth open in a silent scream as you plummeted over your peak. The sight of you was all it took for Wooyoung to follow, reaching up and pulling you down into his chest as he emptied into you.

The silence was jarring when you both came back to your senses, only the sound of your heavy breaths filling the space now. You sighed with a smile and let your eyes flutter shut, allowing yourself to bask in the afterglow before the sweat would force you to the bathroom. Your boyfriend held you tight, pressing kisses into your hair as his hands roamed over your back.

“I love you, Wooyoungie,” you murmured sleepily, smiling as you felt him chuckle.

“I love you too, Y/N-ie,” he replied readily.

“This is the best year yet.” 

He beamed. “And it’s only day one.”

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[moonacrefarm]

anticipating love

summary: old habits die hard, and some you never quit.

contains: childhood friends to lovers to strangers, second-chance romance, angst, hurt/comfort, slight miscommunication, fluff, 18+ series, mentions of stalking, mentions of cancer, no mention of y/n

authors note: i didn't forget about this story! i've had a few life changes that i've had a hard keeping up with (but low-key...i have a bachelors degree now). chapter 5 is already in the works and it was so nice to sit down and write this chap after having taken a lonnnggg break. i also have been craving ike's. enjoy!

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04. turning and returning

Bradley came in waves. The kind that settles deep into the sand before returning to the ocean and gently coaxing you with it. 

Your mother lit up each time he visited, the glow would redden her cheeks and the newfound strength would suffocate Bradley with each hug. A part of you wondered if she missed Bradley or if she missed Bradley and the connection to Carole he provided. You were sure she missed him as he was, whatever that was, but sometimes she’d gaze at Bradley with so much love it was as if she was pouring the love she had for Carole into him. Even if it overflowed, the love needed somewhere, anywhere, to go. 

It wasn’t uncomfortable when he came to visit, it wasn’t even awkward. Without trying you two slipped into the roles you had been in your entire lives. The ease that came with it unsettled you slightly, putting you on guard every time you greeted him but the social interaction was a welcome for your mother. The first time she had gone through chemo she isolated herself, avoiding all calls and messages and even you. This time she embraced everyone she could and your chest would tighten each time. Every greeting always felt like a goodbye.

Besides Bradley, Penny would visit most mornings, picking your mother up and taking her to the bar and shops around La Jolla. When evening would fall, Bradley would drop by. By the end of the day, she was always worn out but her smile got warmer each day. 

“I had been craving this all day! A good sandwich from Ike’s will always ease the soul.” Bradley nodded in agreement, taking another chunk out of his sandwich. 

“I haven’t had one of these things since the last time I was in San Diego.” His eyes were practically rolling with each bite. 

“That was like ten years ago Brad. Do they really not have Ike’s anywhere else..?” You took a small jab at him, grinning as he glared at you. Taking a bite out of your own Menage A Trois. 

“If I remember correctly, the last time I came back to SD, someone took my sandwich and ate it whole. Then ate the leftovers I had tucked away…” 

You scrunched your nose in response.

Only a few seconds passed before you realized what he was talking about. That was nearly ten years ago, you were 26, Bradley 27 (only by a few months) and it was the last time you saw him. 

He seemed to catch himself as well, clearing his throat as you got up. 

“Anyone need any drinks?” You called from the kitchen, trying to push away the memories of what happened 9 years ago. It wasn’t a hill you wanted to climb yet. 

“Do we still have Diet Coke?” Your mother called. She tapped her empty can on the table once, “I’m all out already!” She said exasperated, her dramatic flare causing you to snort.

The night carried on as usual, you avoiding glances with Bradley and your mother’s favorite movies. No one talked about work as soon as they stepped through the door. Bradley never mentioned what he was in San Diego for, and your father didn’t bring it up either. What it was kept your father on base most of this week and Bradley would drive back for early morning training. 

Tonight was no different. Your mother drifted to sleep on your shoulder, Bradley’s head thrown back asleep on the recliner and you just watched. He had built up eyebags, his skin a bit more lifeless. He slept soundly, his chest rising and falling with deep breaths and his body relaxed. Whatever this detachment was for, it kept him wound tight. So much so that when your mother roused awake, she glanced over and sighed. 

“Let the boy sleep. He’s up as early as your father.” She said in a hush. “I’m going up to bed, but please grab Bradley a blanket.” Pushing herself off the couch, she wandered into the hallway with a yawn. 

There you two sat. You, debating whether to turn the AC and let him freeze. Though it probably wouldn’t work, Bradley ran hot. Or, instead, grab him a blanket and let him overheat. 

You chose the latter. 

By the time you got back, blanket in hand, Bradley was awake. Rubbing his face and squinting at the time on his phone. 

“I should probably get back to base.” He got himself up from the chair with a stumble and you watched his every move.“We have an early morning tomorrow, more flyi—”

“Have you been sleeping at all?” You cut him off. He stares at you. Contemplating. 

“You haven’t? Have you?”

Old habits died hard and Bradley was one habit you never properly broke. By the way, he stood, the way his limbs hung, the way his eyes were sunken in. You knew he hadn’t been. Bradley had suffered from nightmares when Carole died, and from missions you never wanted to ask about. It had been so long since you last seen him, there’s no telling what he’s seen since then. 

“No.” He sighed, sitting back down for a second and putting his face in his hands. “Is it that obvious?” He said with a small scoff and a smile. 

“To me.” 

You both paused. 

“To you?” 

You nodded. “Yes. To me.” 

Another beat passed between you two. 

One deep breath. Two. A few more exhales. 

“Stay the night. My mother even asked me to get you a blanket.” A gentle smile broke on his face. “I don’t think my boss would appreciate that.”  

“Oh please, my dad won’t say a word against it if it’s my mom’s request.” You walked towards him, blanket out in front of you.

“Get some rest. I promise I’ll wake you up before you have to be on base.” You gave him your own small smile, most of the time when you spoke to Bradley, no emotions coated your face. “Plus we aren’t more than a 25 minutes commute.” He contemplated more.

“I’ll throw in a pillow to sweeten the deal.” You both laughed, nothing too loud to wake your mother but enough to warm each other up. He eyed you one more time before sighing and giving in. “I never could say no to you.”

“Oh? Even now?” You egged him on.

“Yes. Even now.” The way he looked at you made your ears heat up. That same feeling from all those years together building up. It didn’t make you sick anymore. 

At the same moment, you felt small. The insecurities you tried hard to work through popping through you like pin-needles. So many questions remained unanswered questions and for all River had done to your and Bradley’s relationship, what you never wanted to face was the fact he didn’t stay. For everything you had gone through to reach each other and at the last moment he left, even with all the confusion. It bubbled up inside you and it was showing on your face. 

“I didn’t…I didn’t mean to—”

“You left.” 

Your voice was so quiet and you refused to look at him. You sat adjacent to him on the couch. Putting your head in your hands to hide your emotions. Not that worked, Bradley could read you better than you could read yourself sometimes, atleast, he used to be able to. 

He sat there stunned into silence. 

“You left. I know. I know why you left. But Bradley all those years of being angry with you, all the hurt of feeling like I was just an itch you had to scratch. All those years of feeling like maybe I scared you off or just you realizing you didn't want me. All those years of holding onto that anger and hurt doesn’t go away easily and I can pretend things are normal right now but if my mom hadn’t been dying? We wouldn't be here. We’d still be strangers and neither of us would even be able to be in the same room for more than 10 minutes. All those years of isolation, and all I can think about is what would happen if you hadn’t left. If you had stayed a few more minutes. If the timing wasn’t wrong if you hadn’t gotten that message, if—”

Bradley kneeled in front of you. Placing his hands on your knees and rubbing his thumbs. “Hey hey hey, I need you to breathe Bugs,” He pressed his thumbs into your bottom thigh a bit, trying to get you to focus on him.

His hands moved up to your wrist, gently tugging them down, massaging the inside of your wrists with light pressure.“Breathe.” You focused on his touch, the hand still massaging your wrist, the other hand working its way through your hair to the back of your neck, pulling you towards his forehead. The warmth of his hands, the memory of his warmth clashing altogether. 

He took deep breaths and you mimicked him, listening to his breathing and feeling the heat from your neck travel down your spine. 

Once you had regulated, you opened your eyes and there he was. Bradley was always tall. He used to be lanky but years in the military had bulked him up. Even kneeling he was only a couple inches shorter than you. He looked at you with turmoil of his own. He pulled back a bit to search you over once more and you didn’t appreciate that, chasing his forehead with yours. 

He chuckled a little bit, “I’m not going anywhere. Let me look at you. Please.” You put your head on the side of his, attempting to hide in his shoulder. “Please Bugs. Let me see you.” 

Slowly, you pulled yourself away. The flush of your cheeks giving away your emotional state and the grip on his wrist not failing to loosen up. Bradley was right here. He was right in front of you, eye to eye, and to let him go made you anxious. The feelings you had hidden were starting to pour out and you didn’t want him here for the fallout, but you couldn’t bear to let him go, right now he was anchoring you.

He placed his free hand on your cheek and caressed, touching you as if committing you to memory. You leaned into him. 

“When I left,” Your grip on him tightened. “When I left that morning. It was the worst thing I had ever done. For myself, for you. I was terrified of losing you and I lost you anyway. I should’ve stayed and asked questions. I shouldn’t have believed River.” He hesitated for a second. “When I got that message that morning, that phone call. It was as if all the fears I had that I wasn’t good enough for you, not enough for you, not deserving of you, were confirmed and I didn’tknow how to face you without it blowing up.” 

He rose up and sat beside you on the couch. “You were never an ‘itch I had to scratch’, you were never something I second guessed. I was terrified that I’d lose you like I lost my mother. I had to cool off for a couple days, but when I tried to call you, you never answered. All my calls went to voicemail and then it all felt final to me. If that was my only chance to be with you, then I knew I had ruined it and I just…I didn’t know how to face you. How can I see you and stop the feelings I have? How to put you first and do what’s best for you.”

Just like Bradley, the anger and hurt came in waves as he tried to comfort you. You didn’t think either of you were wholly in the wrong. River played his own part and he succeeded in whatever he wanted to do because here you are, years later and you and Bradley were still paying the price. 

You sniffled as he pulled you into him, accepting his embrace and burrowing yourself in his chest. He sighed and relaxed, like a weight was off his chest and you sank with him.

“You were what was best for me.” You murmured.

He gripped a little harder, hugging you into him tighter and you molded. He thought for a second, “You’ll always be it for me.” 

“Bradley…” and he shushed you. “I know sweets. I know.”

You both lay there, soaking in each other's presence and the silence around you. “I’m not leaving you again. This time… I’ll come to you.”

[mctreeleth]

It is becoming more and more apparent that I cannot draft a sleeve cuff for the shirt I am making for the medieval fair that is both the aesthetic that I want and compatible with wearing my watch underneath, which means I will need to either find a smaller, flatter watch that fits nicely under a long slim cuff, or spend the whole day in the sensory hell that is not being able to check my wrist for the time every three seconds, lest I fall out of the linear time stream entirely.

[jinxthequeergirl]

Vacation Town

Ash Williams x reader

Truly nothing more than a random drabble. Also Ash loves Johnny Cash try to change my mind

~~~~~~

He hadn't told you where you where going, which made you nervous. But you trusted him this far. He Just told you to pack a small bag and like your dad when you where a kid, woke you up way to early before hitting the road.

You remember the morning being quiet, as much as your eyes wanted to shut you couldn't resist watching the sunrise and the somewhat peaceful look on Ash's face for the first time in months. Even then your tired eyes got the best of you and you fell asleep for the rest of the morning with his hand on your knee.

By the afternoon you where elbows deep in a bag of your favorite fast food as you tried to beat Ash at the license plate game, the man is impossible and stubborn and always gets his way in a fight about games, Yet he let you win.

Suddenly the area outside seemed familiar, Ash said there was no way a bunch of trees along the highway could feel familiar. But it did. Eventually you knew exactly where you where going and somethibg bubbled up inside.

"What are we doing here?" You ask reading the sign that welcomed you to your home town.

Ash shrugged. "I figured you could use a break from all the blood and the guts. A vacation of sorts." You grinned.

"You're right. WE could use the break."

By about five in the afternoon he had pulled down a small dirt path and parked infront of a crumbling fence. "You remembered? You found it?" You asked leaning forward reading the worn Strawberry patch sign nailed to the fence. "Well yea I remember you vaugly meantioning coming here as a kid and it just took some help from pablo."

"C'mon!" You practically leaped from the car with an excited laugh. "Before you get too sentimental that it kills you." He happily followed you trailing behind you with a small basket that you filled with only the best berries, listening to you talk about how your dad showed you what made the perfect strawberry.

As the sun got lower covering the feild in an orange hugh ash wrapped it up. Watching your face glow with excitment as he turned each corner in a pattern that was familiar to you until you got to your old house.

"You made it!" A voice called from the driveway as he pulled in. This time there was no time to waste, before ash could park the car you toppled out running to your brother scooping him in a hug his wife soon to follow after.

"Your...friend?... here called and asked if it was alright if you two stayed the night, and you know how long its been since I've last seen you so of course I said yes." Your brother explained.

You turned to Ash as he pulled your bags from the car. "He said something about work being to much and you needing a day off. He seems like a great guy." His wife added.

"The greatest." Your brother helped ash bring in the bags while you and your sister in law headed to the kitchen to put the strawberries to good use.

There was light chatter and laughter from the kitchen as he wondered down the looking at all your family photos. Gazed at each one pin pointing you in every frame. Though you looked different, your face was bright and unscared or scratched. You glowed with the promise of a hopeful future and not even the slightest shadow of a threat loomed over you. Yet there you where now. An uncertain future threats around every corner.

Ash took a sip of his drink passing the door frame that has little markings on it each one slightly higher then the last. He wished he could give you this life, wished he could give you the chance to have adopted your childhood home from your parwnts and start a famy of your own there. But he couldn't.

You caught a glimps of him from the kitchen. And made your way to him, carefully picking up a record and setting it in place before taking his hand. "What are you doing?" He asked as you take his drink and set it down.

"I Will sweep out your chimney yes and, I will bring you flowers yes and I'll do for you most anything you want me too- " you began to sing along with the words of Johnny cash. And started slowly swaying haphazardly to the beat of the music. You spun yourself with his hand and pulled yourseld back into his chest before he started laughing. And sawying along with you.

"I'll ne right beside you no matter where you travel,I'll be there to cheer you till the sun comes shinning through, if we're ever parted I'll keep the tie that binds us, And I'll never let it break cause I love you." You reached up and kissed his cheek. "Thanks for today." You whisper as you lied your head on his shoulder. "I know the world is ending n' all...but this was..this was something special especially from you Ashley." He chuckled.

"I will bring you honey from the beetree in the medow, and the first time theres a rainbow I'll bring you a pot of gold, I'll take all of your trobles and throw em' in the river.." He quietly sang before kissing the top of your head.

[coffeecatsandcandles]

𝐁𝐥𝐮𝐞

➵ 𝐒𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲 | Bucky reminisces your relationship when he sees you in a blue dress.

➵ 𝐏𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠 | Dad!bucky barnes x mom!reader

➵ 𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐂𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭 | <1k

➵ 𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 | fluff!

დ 𝐦𝐚𝐢𝐧 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 | დ 𝐛𝐮𝐜𝐤𝐲 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 | დ 𝐤𝐨-𝐟𝐢

Long summer days were Bucky’s favorite. Especially the ones where the four of you- you, him, sixteen-year-old Grant and fourteen-year-old Rebecca- had absolutely nothing planned. Days where the height of the day consisted of Bucky engaging with whatever TV show Rebecca was watching in the living room. It was so simple, so quiet. It was something he needed, as boring as it might’ve sounded for you and the kids.

Today, the kids had slept a little later than usual and had their own plans with their friends. Grant, having just recently got his license, had agreed to drop Rebecca off at her friend’s house before he went to see a movie with his friends. That left you and Bucky alone to do whatever you wanted. On days like this, as much as you wanted to spend it curled up in bed with your husband, you had to straighten up the house. Without kids to attend to, you could get so much done.

Starting with the attic, you found boxes upon boxes of old baby clothes, maternity clothes, memorabilia from Bucky’s childhood that he didn’t have the heart to give away, and old decorations and knickknacks you didn’t have use for anymore. Buried under all that was a box of clothes from years ago that you’d been meaning to give away but never got around to. You decided to look through it, seeing if you could find any hidden gems. If not for you, then maybe for Becca.

The first thing that caught your eye was a soft blue dress that looked as though it’d never been worn. You remembered, though, that you’d worn this dress on a few fancier dates with Bucky way back before you were married. You decided to try it on- you figured it’d be entertaining enough to try, you had nothing else to do today besides clean.

It still fit like a glove. Maybe it was a little short now, but it felt like you’d traveled back in time, in your early days with Bucky. Getting ready for a date with him and hoping he’d like the way you looked. That was years ago- he’d seen many different sides of you since then. The irritable you, the drunk you, the you that sat in front of the tv breastfeeding while wearing the same pair of sweatpants for three days- and he loved every single version. He made you feel safe, even nearly two decades later.

With the thought of him fresh in your mind, you were surprised to see him walk through the door to your bedroom, stopping in his tracks at the sight of you.

“Hi honey,” you smiled, taking a few steps closer, “you like my dress?”

Bucky was speechless. Seeing you all dressed up to go nowhere, he felt as though his heart had grown eight sizes bigger. He could hardly muster up a sentence, and any cohesive thought flew out the window when you stepped closer to him, wrapping your arms around his waist.

“What do you think, Sarge? Think you’d take me to a fancy Army ball in this?”

Your touch, the smile on your face- it was everything Bucky had wanted. A home. Peace. A person to love him unconditionally. Even with children, from the chaos the wreaked when they were babies to the drama and occasional attitudes you dealt with now that they were teenagers. Everything that happened to him, both good and bad, led him to this very moment, admiring you in your dress and comforted by the quiet chirping of birds outside and the warm glow the sun brought in through the sheer curtains.

“I can’t believe I get to share this life with you.” He muttered, grabbing your hand from his waist and placing small, delicate kisses on it. He meant it- every torture he’d endured, every time someone told him he wasn’t worthy of happiness because of something he’d been brainwashed and forced into doing- he meant it when he said he didn’t believe how great his life had turned out.

Even with the kids, he didn’t mind when Grant got fussy at 2AM as a baby, or when Rebecca slammed her door after you and Bucky told her she couldn’t hang out with her friends. He loved every second of being a dad, and you gave that privilege to him. You brought them into this world with your shared love, and you were a part of the reason his kids were who they were- personalities, senses of humor, even their faults. That was the most beautiful, pure love he’d ever been a part of and created, and you gave that to him.

And you sitting here, wearing a beautiful blue dress from before all that- there was something to beautiful- poetic, even- of how you made him feel. How you didn’t even seem to realize how much he admired you in this moment, or how deep that love went.

You were his safe place. His home. Bucky Barnes would always go out of his way to keep you a part of his life. With the perfect life you had given him, he’d be crazy do let it all go.

[sukifans]

Congrats on 1k!!! Can you do number 9 from 50 cliché promts and tropes with mako x reader? :)

MAKO + “there’s only one bed and we sleep as far away as possible from each other but wake up cuddling”

⇦ 𝘔𝘈𝘚𝘛𝘌𝘙𝘓𝘐𝘚𝘛

“Well, this is... unfortunate.”

“It’s unacceptable.” You glanced at Mako, who was visibly irritated. “First Beifong only approves one room because of ‘budget cuts,’ and now we’re expected to share a bed?”

“Relax, tough guy. I’m sure it was just a booking error. I’ll go talk to the receptionist.” You left your partner and your bag in the room with the single large bed against the wall to go downstairs and sort out the mistake. You gave the man at the desk your friendliest smile as you approached.

“Hello again,” the man said, looking up at you. “Is there a problem with the room?”

“Yes, actually. We should’ve been booked for a room with two beds but there’s only one. Could we be moved somewhere else?” You tried to sound as amicable as possible as you spoke, hoping the employee would oblige.

He flipped through the large book of records in front of him and traced his finger down a page. “Ah, yes! You reserved a double. So sorry about that—let me see what else is available.” You watched as he flipped through again, mumbling to himself. Your smile faltered a little when he frowned.

“What’s wrong?”

“It appears everything else is filled for the night. I’m terribly sorry, but there’s nothing I can do.” The man eyed you as if expecting you to blow up at him, but you just sighed and tightened your smile.

“Ah, it’s okay. We’ll figure it out. Thank you for checking, though.”

Mako was not gonna be happy.

“You’re joking,” he deadpanned, crossing his arms over his chest. You dropped down to sit on the edge of the problematic bed itself. “Are you and Beifong trying to pull a prank or something?”

You stared up at him. “Beifong? A prank? Really?”

“Okay, no,” he huffed. “But you’re kidding, right?”

“Why would I do that?”

“Because you think it’s funny to inconvenience me?”

“I don’t know what to tell you, Mako.”

“Tell me you’re joking.”

“I’m not joking.”

He groaned and threw himself in the threadbare armchair in the corner of the room. “Great, just what I needed,” he grumbled to himself.

“Hey, I’m not exactly thrilled about this either!” You rolled your eyes. “If you’re gonna freak out about it you can take the bed and I’ll just... sleep on the floor or something.”

“No, no. You take the bed and I’ll sleep on the floor.”

“How noble,” you laughed. “You’re the one who has a problem sleeping with me. Take the bed.”

“I—” His cheeks tinged a slight pink that didn’t escape your notice. “I don’t have a problem.”

“You sure seem to.”

“I shared a blanket with Bolin on the street for most of my childhood.”

“You must be getting spoiled with that detective salary if you can’t rough it for one night and share a bed with your favorite partner. Going soft?”

You grinned when he glared at you. “Why are you torturing me?”

“You’re easy to torture.” You stood up to rifle through your bag. “And it’s fun.”

“I’m requesting a partner transfer when we finish this assignment,” he muttered, making you bark out a laugh.

“You wouldn’t, you’re too attached now.” You straightened up with your arms full of toiletries and clean clothes. “I’m gonna go wash up so I can pass out. Early day tomorrow, and all. Catchin’ bad guys, kickin’ ass, takin’ names.”

“Uh-huh.” A small smile finally graced his handsome face for the first time since arriving at the inn. “I’ll be here keeping watch—y’know, for the bad guys.”

Once you’d scrubbed off the long day of travel and changed into clean, comfortable clothes you reentered the main room to see Mako studying the files for the case the two of you were working. His eyebrows were set into a furrow as he read through it and chewed at the inside of his cheek absently. You watched him for a few more moments once you settled down onto the worn but comfortable mattress. Something in the papers seemed to perplex him as he wrinkled his nose and flipped back a few pages. Suddenly, his warm orange eyes flicked up to meet yours.

“Why are you staring at me?” he asked with a small frown.

You shrugged. “Trying to figure out if that smell is the room or just you.”

His frown deepened. “Uncalled for.”

You hummed noncommitally and snuggled down between the sheets. “Go clean up so I can sleep.”

“I’m not stopping you,” he said, snapping the file shut and rising from the chair.

“I gotta keep watch, remember? Bad guys,” you murmured despite your heavy eyelids. Mako shook his head and disappeared into the bathroom. The gentle, steady sound of running water lulled you into a drifting sleep after only a few minutes.

You roused slightly when Mako returned, shuffling around the room followed by curling steam and the smell of his soap from the bathroom. You squeezed your eyes shut tighter and tried to fall back asleep until you felt him grab a pillow off the other side of the bed. Rolling onto your side you sleepily looked up at him.

“What are you doing?” you mumbled, rubbing at your eyes.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to wake you up.” He stood next to a blanket on the floor with the pillow in his hand, dressed in a clean white shirt and loose pants. “I was just getting set up over here.”

You squinted at the pillow he held while your tired mind tripped over itself trying to catch up. “What?”

“I told you I’d sleep on the floor,” he said, gesturing to his makeshift sleeping area.

You blinked slowly at him. “Mako.”

“Yeah?”

“Get in the bed.”

“But—”

“I wasn’t asking,” you interrupted. “Come. To. Bed.”

He flushed lightly and opened and closed his mouth a couple times before looking down at his pillow he srill gripped. “I—I don’t want to make you... uncomfortable.”

“Uncomfortable?” you repeated blankly and he nodded. “I put my life in your hands every day, Mako. I trust you, probably more than I’ve ever trusted anyone. You’re not gonna make me uncomfortable. In fact, I’d be a thousand times more comfortable with you up here than on the floor.”

“Okay, okay,” he relented, finally moving back towards the bed. “You’ve made your point.”

“Good.” You closed your eyes again and yawned loudly. “The mattress is big enough we can both stay on our sides, no big deal. You need to rest well so I know you’re alert enough to save my ass tomorrow and sleeping on the floor does not reassure me.”

“I already agreed, you don’t need to keep working at me.” Mako carefully slid into the sheets, being almost calculating in how close he could stay to the edge without falling off. Even with the considerable empty space between you, you could still feel his familiar warmth seeping into your tired muscles.

“‘M a detective, can’t help it.”

“Go to sleep. You’ll have plenty of time to harass me in the morning.”

“You know you love me.”

If only you knew, he thought to himself as you slipped back into your dreamland.

The first thing you noticed upon regaining consciousness was the thumping rhythm next to your ear. The next thing you noticed was how warm you felt, despite the sheets being tangled down around your feet. You turned your head and buried your face into your pillow, inhaling deeply.

Soap. And smoke.

Hold on. You lifted your head up slowly and blinked blearily, taking in where you were as your brain whirred back to life.

Not your pillow. Mako—his chest, more specifically. Your eyes trailed down to where your bodies were pressed together in a tangle of limbs. The arm wrapped around you ended in fingers pressing into your waist. Your thigh was hiked up around his hip and his knee was slotted between your legs. You looked up at his face to see he was still sound asleep, lips parted as he breathed slowly.

You sat up all the way and his hand on your waist flopped down onto the bed. “Mako.”

He snorted and gave no other response.

“Mako,” you hissed, smacking his chest lightly. Without opening his eyes, he grabbed your hand and yanked you back down.

“Don’ hit me,” he grumbled, lips brushing your forehead as he spoke. “‘M sleepin’.”

Your face was starting to burn. “Well, wake up!”

He cracked one eye open to peer down at you and closed it again with a sniff. All at once it seemed to hit him and his eyes flew open as he shot upwards, knocking you to the side. You groaned as he launched himself out of the bed and onto his feet.

“What time is it?!” he barked.

“I don’t know!”

He whipped his head around to look at the clock on the bedside table. He made a small noise of panic and snatched it up as if getting a closer look would change the reading it gave.

“Fuck, we’re late!”

thank you for the request! i hope you enjoyed it! it ended up being way longer than i thought it would be lol. i guess i’ll tag my atla list and the people who wanted to be tagged in my full mako fic lol

ATLA TAGS: @hotgirlazula @octophopi @blazedbakugou @protect-remus @akiris @sunflowerazula @wooscottoncandyhair @chewymoustachio @ohno-caroline @sunflowerr-mami @1vitamin @ladylizzieofdarbyshire @u-4iia @nymeria-targaryen @tommy-braccoli @dizzy-miss-lizzieeeeee @a-sloppy-bitch

REQUESTED TAGS: @ur-jinji @maruchan77 @songofgratitude @missturtleduck @zuko-is-the-sun @xxspqcebunsxx @atlabeth @malauri-lynn @sadskater25 @biqherosix @goodandevil18 @theeavtrkyoshi @miyonii @mcallmestiles @zutaraisendgamee @unketh @shortmexicangirl @keysvdssstuff @simmantha

[eulaties]

MAHOYAKU FIC RECS ★ GENERAL ★ #30

fics that have an asterisk (*) in front of them are my personal favorites!

this list was last updated on 7/9/23.

NOTE: this is an assorted collection of fic recs for mhyk, including ships such as bradnero, shymurr, misuruchi, and shinoheath. not spoiler-free!

if you want caiowe fic recs click here

if you want ozfiga fic recs click here

if you want lenofau fic recs click here

*fault lines • multi-chapter (2/2) • bradley/nero

SUMMARY: “how is it that their relationship has been reduced to this stupid, childish masquerade, where every single thing that bradley does seems to be stepping on nero’s toes?"

TAGS: relationship study, angst, pining, relationship status: its complicated

NOTES: the summary excerpt i put does not do this justice so just do yourself a favor and read the fic!!! the bradnero characterization is so amazing incredible showstopping

*wishbone • one-shot • bradley/nero

SUMMARY: “early as sin, and nero was already fighting a panic attack over a room full of stolen objects worth pounds more in diamonds than he was. fuck’s sake, he thought, slightly hysterical, the mirror’s embedded with rubies. it’s 13th century, the hell is it doin’ in a room with me?”

TAGS: canon-compliant, character study, cooking, found family, fluff, light angst, intertwined paths...

*you’re the reason i believe in ghosts • one-shot • bradley/nero

SUMMARY: “nero wishes he could go back.”

TAGS: drabble, hurt no comfort, angst, bittersweet ending

*(our) time is running out • one-shot • bradley/nero

SUMMARY: “sometimes it feels like bradley has a pit in him that burns hot where nero’s feels empty, cold.

TAGS: pre-canon, relationship study, memories, hurt no comfort, angst

*drunk off this sweet mood • one-shot • shylock/murr

SUMMARY: “murr's found something new that catches his eye: the barkeep at the bennett bar.”

TAGS: even more pre-canon, murr’s pov, back when shylock and murr first met, bantering, enemies to ???, murr before his soul shattered (loathsome murr), reading this makes my heart ache....

*capulet garden • one-shot • shylock/murr

SUMMARY: “he jests at scars that never felt a wound. all shylock can do is watch.”

TAGS: pre-canon, passive aggressive flirting via shakespeare, romeo and juliet references, prose, soul shattering, angst

*odds and ends • one-shot • shylock/murr

SUMMARY: “murr seems to consume all of his thoughts; and so, shylock knows it is love.”

TAGS: present-day canon, shylock’s pov, character and relationship study, the amount of pining here is off the charts, shylock waxing poetic about his love....classic western wizard things!

*how easy you are to need • one-shot • shino/heathcliff

SUMMARY: “so heathcliff keeps himself in check, muzzles his hypothetical non-platonic feelings, and smiles gratefully when shino appears at his door. that’s the safest option.”

TAGS: heathcliff's pov, fluff, yearning, childhood friends mutual pining you all know how it goes

*3 different ways to annoy heathcliff blanchett • one-shot • shino/heathcliff

SUMMARY: “his first thought was: ah, shit, he’s pretty. his second one was: wait, since when has he worn glasses?”

TAGS: shino’s pov, he is down bad, mutual pining, fluff, humor

a couple’s room • one-shot • shino/heathcliff

SUMMARY: “there's only one free room at the hotel, and you know how the story goes. they only had one bed.”

TAGS: mutual pining, fluff, they r so silly

unexpectedly • one-shot • shino/heathcliff

SUMMARY: "when he had stepped into that room earlier, the last thing heath had expected was to get confessed to.”

TAGS: sickfic, accidental confession, fluff

what words cannot say • multi-chapter (1/2) • shino/heathcliff

SUMMARY: “when you can't apologize, what else is there to do?”

TAGS: character/relationship study, bittersweet, unresolved ending

you, who are no one • one-shot

SUMMARY: “in his quest to understand desire, nero learns it.”

TAGS: pre-canon, nero character study, angst, set shortly after his departure from the bandit gang

requited but unequal • one-shot • bradley/nero

SUMMARY: “nero has no shortage of dissent, and almost he speaks it, but of the many things time has taught him, utmost is: he cannot expect bradley to ignore the thrill of life no more than he can expect to get drunk off water. for all they share in common, the sharp divide in how they each see life is too big to surmount. he tries not to think about it.“

TAGS: pre-canon, the fracturing of their relationship, angst

beast • one-shot • shylock/murr

SUMMARY: "shylock nudged his way through the open door, eyes wide with disbelief. if the figure hunched before him was murr, it was a version of murr that looked as though it had been dragged straight through hell and back. murr's bedroom was made nearly unrecognizable. the blueprints and sketches for new creations that usually hung on every open inch of wall were torn down, laying on the floor, reduced to shredded piles.”

TAGS: pre-canon, a fic exploring what happened when shylock found murr after his soul shattered, angst, hurt/comfort, fall from grace?, pain.......

CW: the descriptions of what happened to murr both mentally and physically after his soul shattered may be a little distressing to read

our final night alive • one-shot • shylock/murr

SUMMARY: “the night before murr’s soul shattered.”

TAGS: canon-compliant, relationship study, bittersweet, inspired by west rhapsody

familiarly unfamiliar • one-shot • mithra/rutile

SUMMARY: “it feels warmer lately.”

TAGS: drabble, fluff

warmth • one-shot • mithra/rutile

SUMMARY: "with rutile by his side, all mithra could feel was a lot of emotions and things that he has rarely ever experienced. but mostly, warmth.”

TAGS: drabble, fluff, i love how both misuruchi fics here are about warmth, btw i think this is an auto-translated fic so there may be grammar inconsistencies

the bandit’s kitchen • one-shot • bradley/nero

SUMMARY: “after barely managing to escape from figaro and the twins, bradley ends up at nero’s doorstep.”

TAGS: pre-canon, hurt/comfort, past memories

[yoimix]

haikyuu!! as types of best friends.

➼ ft. hinata, sugawara, bokuto, osamu+atsumu.

➼ playlist. talk too much - coin, higher - banks, romanticism - mrs green apple, me and my friends - james vincent mcmorrow

➼ a/n. these have light bff2l undertones hhn i love that trope, pls forgive me. </3 + there’s some timeskip spoilers for atsumu & osamu’s part.

❀ hinata :-

i wish the childhood best friends trope a very good evening.

no one’s better than hinata at making friends, even if you met after he spiked a ball into your face. you’re childhood best friends too !! so imagine being a child and having to pick up this goofball by the scruff, who has the audacity to ask you to play with him after giving you a scratched up forehead and teary eyes from a ball to the face. but, like, you were the one who said yes so it’s on you :-)

sometimes you bicker but it’s ok bc he would literally go to the ends of the earth for you if you asked. no kidding. he hates sitting still anyway so he’ll just gravitate towards where you are like you’re the sun. also gets you taiyaki in the evenings but climbs in through your window instead of using the front door like a normal person. (he has too much energy </3) if you hear someone yelling your name outside your window and ranting about volleyball games, you know who it is.

ok when he makes you mad with his bullheadedness, you'll be complaining with kageyama (who agrees vehemently) and hinata gets pissy bc you get along a little too well when you're throwing insults about him. (he's not jealous, no, of course not.) but.. how long can you stay mad at this sunshine child anyway?? you'll be pretending you never got mad at all within a few hours and go back to joking around.

he gets distracted if you're watching a match sometimes (bokuto somehow got it into his head that he needs to show off in front of you) so you got banned from watching. he overcomes it later on so you can cheer him on in his jersey too <3

gives you ALL his attention when you talk or even complain about your life. he reacts a lot to whatever you have to say so you have to pretend there aren’t people behind you glaring at hinata for having the same decibel sound level as a jet engine.

you have matching keychains you bought at a local fair !!! (you got a pochacco one for hinata but it’s super worn out by now so he keeps it in his wallet instead.) 

he has not won a single multiplayer video game against you (*cough cough* mario kart *cough*) and you don’t even have to be good at it. if you call him a loser, he’ll lose even harder. gets unnecessarily mad at just dance and you have to calm him down.

... you’ve probably kissed bc the two of you (mostly him) were too eager for a first kiss and you got fed up with his pubescent ramblings and ended up kissing him. and then had an early mid-life crisis bc you guys are definitely just friends. (unless.. unless he doesn’t think that way.. surprise surprise 😳) also he's.. kind of bad for make out practice... it’s like kissing a month old puppy.. sorry :/. if you happen to make a lot of offhand comments and tease him about his kissing skills, he WILL turn tomato red and argue in gibberish. only do that in private bc the rest of the world thinks you’re sickeningly cute together >:(

overall, your best friend is a ball of sunshine (who occasionally pisses you off) and your #1 motivation to get out of bed. it's mostly bc he's somehow there to get you out of bed though you've repeatedly told him to not climb in through your window. at least the sun is smiling upon you every day <3

❀ sugawara :-

being best friends with him is such a secure relation !! 

he’s your soft place to fall but also would provide gentle (not so gentle) reminders for your wellbeing (STUDY!!! WATER!!!! BREAKFAST!!). doesn’t get mad when you say you skipped breakfast but gives you this look of disappointment which is 100x more effective. still gets a granola bar for you though. also he literally carries bandaids for u and he’s been doing that since second grade bc you fell off the swing ONCE. you know, just in case. if you’re an accident-prone hazard to society, you’re in luck. 

BEST HUGS especially if you had a rough day and want to sob into his shoulder. if u damage his $85 hoodie tho, he will make u do his laundry and also buy snacks for him. but like he is so soft (his skin is SUPER soft bc he actually follows a skincare routine now) and cuddly like a teddy bear, it's a small price to pay for salvation.

he will hype you up for anything you do !!!! new outfit? offers to be your personal photographer. scored an A+? will treat u to your fav ice-cream. new job? will tell everyone just how proud he is. 

ALWAYS shares the last bite with you and smiles to himself when you eat it so contented. also!!! hanging out at cafes and taking cute pictures is a must <3 even though you’re not dating, you’ll have photos together that make you look a real couple which ensue teasing from daichi and asahi and admiration/jealousy from noya and tanaka. also he gets weirdly protective of you around the team (i’m looking at the moron quartet) and you have to pull the “koushi you’re not my mom” card. it really strikes a chord with him when you say that out loud.

will egg your ex's house with you if you say the word. somehow gets more pissed than you at your ex (if they're a shitty one). it's kind of scary when he's mad too so.... good luck calming him down. he's also really good at sarcastic trash talk so if you happen to meet your ex on the street... send prayers for their self-esteem.

you don't really fight often but if you happen to disagree, he'll go about it in a pretty mature way and talk it out. if you pick a fight on purpose, he'll catch on to it and either tickle you (excessively) or flick your forehead as punishment for trying to rile him up. it’s impossible to prank him!!!!! it’s like he’s got a sixth sense or something so you might as well give up on anything of the sort. 

you said you want to get a dog (or cat) with him in the near future and he somehow equated that to having children. turned bright red and started saying it’s too soon to be thinking of that while you had daichi stop you from smacking some sense into your overly imaginative best friend. (i mean, you do need to live together if you want to raise a pet sooo)

his lockscreen is a picture of the two of you so a lot of people who try to hit on him take the hint quick. he says it’s unintentional but you know he can be terribly scheming at times. if you say something like “why don’t you date me for real, coward” he will malfunction and not be able to look you in the eye. (“don’t joke around, y/n” “what if i’m not” “it kind of feels illegal to date you” “what do you mean?!💢”)

anyway you are one lucky mf if you have sugawara koushi as your best friend even if there are both ups and downs (mostly ups). having someone care for you so blatantly certainly makes the question of romance arise but you’re content with the most loving best friend ever.

❀ bokuto :-

you guys are the “two best friends in a room, we might kiss” “yes we will” “what” type of best friends PLS

it doesn’t matter what stage of life you met him, it’ll feel like you’ve been best friends since the beginning of time.

it’s just so easy to make friends with this airhead and by god’s gift, you cannot physically get annoyed at this man. sometimes his friends will complain about him being forgetful or blunt but you’re just there like. yeah. that’s bokuto. love him for it. (you seem to have a lot of patience.)

he probably gets into trouble with authority unwittingly, so save your weekends to sweet talk his way out after accidentally implying the coach has a weak mindset. afterwards, you go get ice cream or something and hang out at the dog park to forget it happened. (the amount of second hand embarrassment bokuto has given you though... you need some hard drugs to forget all of it.) 

you probably make a lot of friends through him in high school/college but at the end of the day, it’s just you and him and sometimes akaashi making sure you guys are alive. if you guys are alone together on a friday night, you’ll still be having fun!! very often, it takes shape as karaoke :-) bokuto thinks he’s really great at rapping for some reason (he’s not) so cue you screaming the lyrics in an attempt to ruin your part of the song equally. also he always sets the key wrong??? although you sing the same songs each time?? sometimes he picks a song neither of you have ever heard and the both of you try to guess the melody. he’s terrible at it but at least he’s funny. there’s not a single song he hasn’t had a voice crack in.

if you go clubbing/partying with him, get prepared to be introduced as the friend of “the guy who did four keg stands in a row before proceeding to do a cartwheel unprompted and somehow not throw up”. is on first name basis with the bartenders/hosts and gets you free drinks. also gets hit on often but is oblivious unless they’re being very straightforward. if he’s not into them... you have to pull the s/o card and save his ass. oh also he barks at anyone that gets near your drink.

will always exaggerate when introducing you to new people. “y/n and i met when i saved them from drowning a terrible death.” “it was the children’s pool and you were the one that was screaming.” “and then y/n didn’t really thank me but it’s not like heroes need thanks to do the right thing.” “kou, i will push you into a pool right now, let’s see how well you swim.” (he learned swimming to impress you so joke’s on you.)

he likes to watch you do stuff at the end of the day, so if you see him go o_o at you doing homework, you can just put your earphones on and focus on your work. even if he’s making.. a strangely.. adorable expression. also LOVES to listen to you talk about your day when he’s tired, he says it helps him sleep better (so expect a lot of nighttime calls). moreover, if you say you had a bad dream, he’ll comfort you with his ridiculously confident tone of voice (unless the dream was about something bad happening to him, then he’ll freak out and you’ll have to comfort him instead </3)

ok one thing that’s annoying about him is that he probably leaves food crumbs over your stuff like laptop, bed sheet, etc. you clean it up but bokuto.. is a bit... distracted to notice the mess he’s making. it’s usually pretty difficult to get him to be more aware, but like your glare is enough to make him at least try to be careful from the next time. (either that or he’s become sensitive to your change in mood/emotions bc you know... you’re best friends after all.)

i’m not gonna lie, he probably catches feelings for you at some point. he wants to, like, keep it lowkey bc akaashi told him to take your feelings into consideration too but?? it’s so hard?? you’re literally so pretty?? everything you say is like music to him??? he reacts reflexively to all the firecracker feelings u give him. he probably says he likes you all the time but you dismiss it with “as a friend right :-)”. there’s no climbing up from that one, sorry bokuto.

to summarize, if a moody golden retriever was your human best friend.exe

❀ miya twins :-

they feel like a set. it would be strange to have one of the twins as a bff and not have the other one around whoops 🤷‍♀️ 

either you and osamu bully atsumu in your free time, or you and atsumu annoy osamu for fun (or both) <3. it’s always a good idea to team up with osamu and prank atsumu for fun btw. (put wasabi in his breakfast pancakes and you’ll get a very pissed off but weirdly cute tsumtsum. you can blame it on osamu if you don’t want to face his wrath.) your alternative is to embarrass osamu in front of strangers with atsumu, have fun with that. (second hand embarrassment also works.)

when you were younger, you pretended to not be able to distinguish the twins bc it would visibly rile atsumu up and then you’d go “ok you’re atsumu”... which would further rile him up. osamu got used to your shenanigans though it ticked him off the first time too LOL. call them the wrong name on purpose and they’ll start a riot; be careful when you’re playing with fire pls.

you guys played a lot of knight and prince/princess/royal when you were a kid and atsumu would always try to make osamu the evil dragon holding you captive. in the end, you were somehow the knight, osamu the prince to be rescued and atsumu the big, bad dragon. (it’s kind of funny in hindsight. your parents have photographs of the three of you fighting like no tomorrow.) also speaking of which, your parents are also friends and have bets on which twin you’ll marry (or if you will at all). it’s tearing your parents’ friendship apart.

these two have DEFINITELY fought over whose jersey number you’re going to wear to the games ( “oi, ‘samu, stop brainwashing my best friend into wearing your stupid double digit number” “you know i’m the best friend, ‘tsumu. they clearly like me better over yer ratty ass.” “what did ya say?!?!? if anything, you’re the one that looks like ratatouille.”) you wore kita's jersey number to games.

imagine sunday picnics with the boys !!! by that, i specifically mean osamu and his perfect bento boxes <3 sometimes the two of you will cook together before your outings while a sulking atsumu stands outside bc you didn’t let him. (let him in, you monsters.) he says he can cook too but the last time the twins’ bickering almost burnt the whole kitchen down. the picnics continue well into adulthood and you get to diss your boss to the twins who will always support your rants. (sometimes atsumu will tell you it’s your fault but you can smack him off. we only need supportive besties here 🙄)

if someone hurts u.... they’re going to need divine intervention to be safe... you have two well-built, physically adept best friends ready to beat the shit out of anyone who deliberately breaks ur heart. 

when the twins get into a physical fight...... oh boy. it kinda pisses you off that they’re spewing profanity at each other and you’re the one getting glares. but at the same time, you don’t really want to step into a fight that has nothing to do with you. people should solve their interpersonal issues on their own. they have never fought over you, this isn’t twilight <3 

but the question did come up once on which twin you like better; it’s not something to seriously fight over though. if you chose osamu, atsumu will complain for six days straight and you’ll start to regret ever answering the question. if you say atsumu, osamu won’t feed you his onigiri anymore for a few days which is just as bad. the safest choice is to say neither bc it will both be funny and you won’t suffer too many consequences. if you say you love the both of them for being your best friends all this time and go all mushy, there’s a slight chance they’ll go soft too. god help you from the bone crushing hug you’re about to receive 🙏

you make sure to not miss any of atsumu’s official games !! sometimes he’ll wave at you and make the reporters give you hell bc he’s a little shit. just push osamu to them and run away if it gets that bad. (he gets free advertising for his shop, he should be grateful.)

osamu is super good at cheering you up!!! whether it’s with food or with pleasant talk, you’ll be feeling much better with a full stomach and a calmer state of mind. as for atsumu, he’s really good at you cheering you up by distracting you. he’ll talk about his team or this new serve he learnt and the world will seem a lot brighter bc he seems so happy about it. whichever twin you go to, it’s win-win. 

in return, the twins take up a good chunk of your time. sometimes atsumu will crash at your place after a game though you’ve told him to not lead the damn reporters here. osamu makes you taste test his experimental onigiri... which are not always good..... no seriously, why’d he put honey and tuna in there ?? but still, your life is ridiculously colorful with them around.

anyway, what can i say except what’s better than one best friend?? two best friends !!!

[jihyuncompass]

Link to the Other Boys

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Giving: Physical Touch

Luke could always tell when you were having nightmares. Even in your sleep you didn’t hide your emotions from him well. He could tell by the way your nose scrunched up, how you seemed more tense than you normally were while you slept. 

He watched the way your face tensed up, how your hands balled into fists as you clung to his shirt. Your face pressing into his chest further, hide you were trying to hide from something. 

Watching you for a while his hand lifted up to rub circles into your back, he didn’t want to wake you up just yet, hoping that maybe the nightmares would go away with some time so you could rest peacefully. However the more that time passed the more tense you became, clearly this wasn’t a nightmare that you were going to be able to shake off in your sleep. 

“Hey.” Luke said, his voice is soft as not to scare you awake. He shook your shoulder. “Hey, wake up.” Not seeing your eyes open he shook you a bit harder, not enough to startle you yet, but the motion did force you to open your eyes. Bleary and hazy from all your sleep. 

You lifted your heavy head off his chest, glancing around the room to get a grip on your surroundings. You were in Luke’s apartment, the sun was still high in the sky but starting to fall into the early evening. Trying to recall the events before you drifted off you could remember watching a movie with Luke after coming to his apartment. You’d helped around the antique store for a couple hours, then you’d come up to rest and watch a movie. Then you must have fallen asleep. 

The next thing you remembered was the dream you’d had. How you’d been trapped, stuck. The dream remained in your mind as only vague images and the way it had made you feel, your heart was still beating fast and heavy. A layer of sweat coating your skin. 

“What happened?” You asked him, voice hoarse from sleep. Luke looked concerned, his hand rubbing circles into your back. 

“It looked like you were having a nightmare.” Luke said, gently he pulled you back down to lay against his chest, embracing you tighter. You melted into his embrace, holding to him. 

“I was having a nightmare.” You said. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Luke asked. You shook your head. 

“No. I don’t even really remember what happened. I just remember that it was a nightmare.” Luke glanced down at you, his face etched with concern. Holding you tighter he pressed a kiss to the top of your head. “I’m okay. I promise.” You whispered. 

Luke didn’t loosen his grip on you. “I just don’t want you to be scared, and it looked like the dream was pretty scary.” You shifted your head to look up at him. 

“Luke, I promise I’m okay.” You said. “Nightmares happen, but I’m okay.” Luke sat up, lifting you with him so you both were upright. His arms around your waist to keep you close. 

“Do you promise you’re okay?” He asked, voice soft with concern. You nodded, reassuring him again. Leaning forward Luke kissed you, pulling you closer as your hand reached up to rest on his shoulders. 

As he pulled away his hand went to cup your face, brushing his thumb against your cheek. Smiling down at him you kissed him again, letting him keep you close. 

“I love you.” You whispered. 

“I love you too.” Luke said back, bringing you into a tight hug. “I love you so much.” 

Once Luke could allow himself to let you go he pulled himself just enough to see your face clearly. His eyes were staring right into yours, warm and full of love. His fingers traced shapes into your back as he held you, completely focused on you. 

“Luke?” You said. “What’s on your mind?” 

“Just you.” He said. “I know you came here to help with the store but. Could we stay like this for just a little while longer?” 

Grinning you nodded. Luke brought you in to kiss you again, deeper and more hungry than he had before. His softness started to slip away to become something else. Smiling into his kiss you didn’t even dream of pulling away. 

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Receiving: Gift Giving 

You’d given Luke millions of gifts over your lifelong friendship. Everything from birthday gifts to holiday gifts to just little presents here and there because you’d felt like it. Over the years giving gifts had just been a regular thing you did for him, a way to show him just how much you care. 

Even after he had left you still thought about him often. Even accidentally buying things you normally would have given to him, but instead they just ended up as boxes in your closet, or knick knacks on your shelf. A pile of things you mentally planned on giving him once you had the opportunity. 

At some point you had stopped buying those little things. It seemed that you finally realized and game to terms with the fact that Luke had left, and you couldn’t just give him these things anymore. So you had just stopped buying them. Then of course, Luke came back, and it was both like nothing had changed, and everything had changed.

There was something about old bookstores that drew you in. Maybe it was the smell of the old books or the excitement about the possibility of finding something rare but every time you came across one you couldn’t help but to wander in at least for a few minutes. 

You wandered through the shelves, reading the spines as you went. The shop wasn’t large by any means, the shelves were tight and close together, books crammed tightly onto the shelves to keep as many books as possible. You ran your fingers over the spines of the books, reading the titles as you went. 

Stopping at the end of one of the shelves you stopped as your fingers landed on one of the books. Carefully you pulled the book from the shelf, looking at the cover. The words had been worn away with age but you could still make out the title. The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes. 

You flipped through the pages, careful not to damage the already old paper as you skimmed it.  You’d seen dozens of copies of this book before, however this was the first time you’d seen a copy this old. Turning it over in your hands without thinking much on it walked towards the checkstand, handing over the book to the man behind the counter. 

You waited until the end of the next NXX meeting to give the book to Luke. Between his own schedule and your work it was hard to arrange times for the two of you to meet, so it seemed most time effective to just wait for a few days when you knew you’d see him. 

As the others took off you’d asked Luke to stay for a little while. Your request had earned a strange look from him but no argument as he waited for the others to leave first. 

“I have something for you.” You said, reaching for your bag. 

“You do?” Luke asked, his brow was raised as you dug around in your bag. Feeling your fingers brush against the book you pulled it out. To protect the already old book you had wrapped it up. Perfect for keeping it safe and even more perfect for presenting it as a gift. 

“For you!” You said, handing over the packaged gift. Luke paused holding the gift in his hands. He stared at the gift wrap for a moment, glancing up at you as if to ask permission to open it. You motioned to the package. “Go on, open it.” 

Luke tore open the paper, careful to not do any damage to the gift inside. Seeing the book he was careful to remove it from the packaging. His eyes widened as he realized the title of the book. 

“Wow.” He said, a bit stunned. 

“Do you like it? I’ve never seen a copy so old in person so I thought you’d appreciate it.” You explained. 

Luke stared at the book in shock for another moment before finding the words he needed. “I do. I-” He broke into a smile, looking up at you. “I love it.” 

“I know it’s an old copy, so you probably can’t do much reading out of it but.” You shrugged. “Between your love of Sherlock Holmes and your antique shop. This just seemed right up your alley.” 

Running his fingers across the cover Luke smiled. “I’ll treasure it then. Keep it safe.” He held the book close to his chest. I promise to take care of it.” 

Your heart soared seeing Luke’s happy face. Seeing him like this reminded you just how much he hadn’t changed since childhood. Despite being grown now and looking more adult, some things about him had never changed. Including his smile when you gave him a gift. 

Not long after you and Luke said your goodbyes. You headed off to work while Luke went back to the antique store. The book carefully tucked away into his bag as he went. 

As soon as he returned he hurried upstairs to his apartment. He couldn’t spend much time up there but he did need to do one important thing. 

Taking the book from his bag he admired it. The worn cover, the fading lettering on the spine, the slightly yellow pages that crinkled as he turned them. Seeing it all brought a smile to his face. 

Being careful he adjusted his shelf, making room for the book to slide onto the shelf. Stepping away Luke admired the shelf filled with small knick knacks and other books. Copies of other classic novels, kid detective kits, even a couple funny shaped rocks. All the things on display had one thing in common with one another. Each one had been a gift from you, although it’d been hard, he fought tooth and nail to hold onto even after he left. Now he was able to keep them displayed like this. 

He needed to go downstairs, he thought. He couldn’t leave the store unattended for much longer. But before he left he shifted a few of the objects on the shelf, making a little more space. 

More space, for the other little things he could only hope you’d give him.

[griff-us]

Series Title: Violent Delights; Violent Ends.

Part: One

Pairings: Mob!Bucky/Black!Reader, Mentions of Mob!Steve/Black!Reader

Chapter Specific Warnings: Violence, Slight Torture? Drug Mentions, Child Endangerment.

Summary: Childhood friends; brought together with an empire in mind. James was born and bred to rule. He commands the boroughs; an expectant yet benevolent leader. Steve serves as his right hand; a calculative lieutenant. But you? You were born to serve as the left hand. You were conditioned to protect— at any cost.

You thrive in the shadows so they might enjoy the light. But just how much are you willing to sacrifice?

Series Playlist

A/N: Thought I'd put this out early since I have a long workday tomorrow. This is a bit long and hops around a little bit as I get back into the swing of writing longer pieces again. This chapter is a lot of setup essentially. But don't worry we'll be getting to some good ole fluff next chapter. I edited as best I can but may have missed one or two things, sorry about that .

Enjoy and feel free to come chat with me!

Dry, cracked hands make stiff contact with worn leather. Your fingers tremble; skin splitting and smearing red against black. You cringe and instinctively pull your bruised hand to your chest while a whimper sounds in the back of your throat. You’re a child again, no more than eight; training before the sun is even up. The instructor watches from the sidelines; a scowl forever marring his lips.

“Again, Y/N!” the booming voice jolts you from your momentary pain and you drop into stance once again. You throw punch after punch until you collapse; a heap of a child. Cotton clings to your sweat-drenched body and every breath you attempt ignites a figure in your lungs. You begin to count back from ten if only regain a sense of yourself when a boot makes contact with the center of your stomach. Teeth sink into your bottom lip in an attempt to refrain from crying out, and the instructor towers over you, scoffing all the while.

“Do you really think you’ll be able to take on anyone after getting tired so easily, child? Get up!” You don’t move. Another blow. “I said get up!” You watch as his foot winds back yet again, preparing for another kick.

“Y/N,” you wake to your own name mumbled inches from your ear, and it takes several seconds of assessments to realize just where you are. A digital clock over the oven blinks in green neon: 3:OOAM. Hands rub the sleep from your eyes as you realize you had dozed off at the kitchen counter of the Barnes household. “How long you been out here?”

Eyes dart high to find a concerned-looking Bucky, and all you can do is shrug. There’s no telling how long you’d been at it, pouring over documents and surveillance reports. Bucky had shifted into his position of power nearly five years ago. The inheritance of money, estates, contacts, and businesses had gone smooth enough–George ensured that before his death. And in that time he and Steve worked to manage the organization, while you had taken to your own responsibilities with gusto. In all these years, Bucky has not had one problem with a greedy underling, or an attempt on his life. His empire is iron-clad and quiet.

“Can you put coffee on?” you huff, arms raising in a stretch. A sigh slips from your lips as your back pops with a satisfying sort of noise, and Bucky simply shakes his head.

“You need to sleep more.”

“Can’t,” muttered curtly while you begin to once again sift through report after report. Bucky rounds the island and reluctantly begins to brew another pot of coffee as you asked. He watches, brows knit tight at their center, teeth gnawing on the insides of his cheek. You have been working so hard and diligently.

The last five years have been nothing but legal meetings, professional meetings, recon, and strategizing for him and Steve. But for you? Long nights spent paying low-level men in the organization visits, enforcing the laws his father had put into place years ago. Days spent spying and pouring over recon reports. Bucky can’t think of the last time any of them, especially you, had a break.

“Where are you off to later?” he inquires quietly while setting down the coffee mug. You lean up over the counter, quickly plucking the ceramic from the granite.

“To your 7am with Xialing.”

“How did you know about that I haven't even told the recep-”

“It’s my job, Buck.” you cut him off unceremoniously, and all he can do is scoff. Silence takes hold of the kitchen then and holds the room in a vice. Bucky watches while you sip your coffee; tired eyes lazily pouring over each paper you pick up. He doesn’t know how to express his concern for you, or if you would even accept it.

Somethings shifted with you in the past few years; something has made you jaded, hardened. Like a stone under pressure. He wants to reach out, to shake the giddy young girl he once knew from the confines of this static woman that sits before him.

“M’gonna move the meeting to later in the week,” Bucky announces suddenly, and you nearly jump at his sudden close proximity. You must be tired, you think, you hadn’t even heard his footsteps.

“Why?” your eyes narrow as you look up at him. “She just declared her self leader of the Ten Rings, Buck, and Wenwu is nowhere to be found this could be something big. Moving the meeting– “

“Get some sleep, Y/N,” you make to protest but he shakes his head, hand rising to pluck the coffee mug from your hands. “You’re no good to me exhausted, sweets.” Bucky’s tone is gentle but firm, and you know he has a point. You sigh gently, leaning into his form while he stands next to you. Bucky watches, surprised, head cocked to the side just so. The two of you had always been close. Where he and Steve were like brothers, like family, you and Bucky always had this…unspoken sort of bond. Something platonically intimate. Something only shared when doors are closed and no one is in sight.

“Been having nightmares again.”

“Yeah?” You’ve told him before about some of your nightmares. Memories from your training. He had never known about them when he was a kid. It wasn’t until he had access to his father’s files after his death did Bucky realize what George Barnes had done to create the woman that would one day be the enforcer of his empire. And it was only around that time did you open up about the effects that such rough, and rigorous training had on your body, and mind.

You heave a long, exasperated sigh, your body relaxing minute by minute. “Yeah.” is all you can muster, and Bucky doesn’t press any further. Suddenly, you speak again. “Where’s Steve?”

“With Peggy.”

You scoff, head shaking. “He fell for her pretty hard huh?” Bucky grins.

“Yeah, he sure did.”

“M’gonna go to bed.” you stand rather suddenly, not even bothering to clean the mess strewn over the countertops. Bucky doesn’t mind it though, his home is a home to you, and Steve too after all. He simply watches while you stretch again, the cotton cloth of your shirt riding up against your stomach just so. “Sleep tight, Buck. I’ll call whenever the hell I wake up,” you mumble as you begin to walk off down the hall, and all he can do is nod dumbly. Bucky sighs once you’re out of sight, fingers pressing deep against his temples while the heat at the back of his neck begins to fade.

“M’worried about Y/N, Steve.” Bucky taps his finger against the ceramic mug in front of him, a plate of scrambled eggs and bacon yet to be touched. Steve watches with a quirked brow, hands snagging the napkin from his lap to quickly wipe the remains of his omelet from his mouth. They’ve been coming to the same diner since you all were kids; there’s something about the burnt coffee and salty bacon that sits just always managed to fix even the smallest of problems. But, perhaps not this one.

“Has she done something wrong?”

“What? No—” Bucky shakes his head, palm rubbing at stubble dusted cheeks with a sigh. “She’s done her job perfectly but.” a pause. “It’s taking a toll and I can tell.” Steve leans back in the booth, blue hues scanning the tiny mom and pop restaurant. It’s quiet for a Monday morning with only the busboy with an earshot. Finally, he speaks.

“Buck, she’s the top enforcer of the countries largest criminal organization.” said with a hushed tone. “Of course, she’s burning out. Five years with no internal incidents and nothing but outward growth. Have you ever considered just what it is she does to maintain that for you?” Bucky falls silent, mind wandering to you. It’s true; while he and Steve handle the paperwork you are the one with dirty hands.

“Y/N never really talks about it, I guess I just never–”

“You should go with her one of these days. See the work she does, might help you understand how her mind is working and what she might need to get back to herself, ya know?.” Steve cuts in, fork wagging Bucky’s way like a mother chiding her son. Bucky scowls, but he knows Steve is right. In the last five years, he’s not once considered the work you put in as his enforcer. He’s always said his thanks yous; always showed his gratitude by offering anything you may need. But it's hard to give when at times, you simply refused to take. “Or ya know,” Steve drags on. “You could just talk to her. Tell her how you feel maybe?”

“Shut up, punk.” Bucky snaps but Steve is already laughing. “She has an appointment at one of the clubs downtown tonight; I’ll go with her.” he tosses a twenty-dollar bill down on the table, hands dusting any wrinkles from his pressed pants while he stands. “While I’m out I want you to look into the Ten Rings issue. I wanna know where Wenwu is as soon as possible.” Bucky plucks his jacket from inside the booth, and Steve nods taking mental stock of his to-do list. “And find that son of his too while you’re at it.”

The VIP room is grimy; the stench of sex and booze wafts in the air coupled with a nauseatingly cheap air freshener that doesn’t come close to doing its job. You lean casually against a shiny leather couch at the center of the room, a glass coffee table littered with small bags of what you assume to be cocaine, pills, and beer bottles. Your nose wrinkles while you check the watch on your wrist. A heavy bass booms from the floor below in the heart of the club. The space in its entirety is gaudy, flashy, and downright ridiculous. Rather fitting then that Justin Hammer owns it. Bucky sighs loudly, and you do everything you can to stop from rolling your eyes.

“I told you not to come.”

“It’s just a meeting, Y/N, no one's going to try to hurt me here.” Bucky presses the issue further with you, and you choose to stay silent. The both of you had argued nearly the entire car ride into downtown about his odd choice to accompany you on such a simple excursion. But, there’s no changing the man's mind once it’s made up that much you do know.

“Not the point, Buck.” words mumbled just as the door to the VIP room opens. Justin Hammer, want-to-be playboy, and trust fund baby struts his way through, and you’re thankful he’s decided to leave his security downstairs.

“Mr.Barnes–” the tiny blonde man scurries over, hand outstretched as if to shake with Bucky, and you watch with an amused sort of grin on your face. Bucky declines the shake and instead gestures to you.

“Your meeting is with my enforcer, Hammer. Not me. I’m only here to observe.” Hammer seats himself, eyes looking you over from foot to head, and back down again. You watch as he takes you in as most men do; you fit into your outfit well. Comfortable jeans that hug your curves, a tucked-in black t-shirt topped off with a black leather jacket. It’s simple but effective. Distractions make combat situations easier.

“Uh, y-yes right Miss Y/L/N, to what do I owe the pleasure?” Hammer leans back in his own chair on the other side of the coffee table, legs spread and posture lax.

“I’ve heard some rumors about your decision to buy your bulk elsewhere, ending your contract with Barnes Enterprises.” Bucky can not hide the shock on his face at this. You dove right in, and into intel even he had yet to hear. Hammer shifts in his seat, visibly uncomfortable, and you watch both of their reactions with quirked brows.

You thought Bucky had known. He’s been slacking.

“Well you see, the price is simply not there. I can’t afford it, and the quality of the supply from your organization has come into question as well.” Hammer is grappling for excuses, and you watch while his expression shifts and his brain begins to churn out ideas. A hum sounds in the back of your throat, and you stand.

“I’d hate to see you break a contract, Hammer.” you round the coffee table, inching closer to the blond.

“Well it is as simple as money, you see—” your foot shoots out faster than either Hammer or Bucky can comprehend, and the stole of your boot connects with the shin of his outstretched leg. Hammer screams, the noise drowned out by the thumping baseline below, and Bucky visibly stiffens. A crack sounds, and you grin.

“I don’t like excuses, Hammer. Who is your seller?” the blond is heaving, gasping for air and struggling to right his racing mind. You leer over him, and when he does not answer you dig the point of your shoe into his shattered shin. “Answer me.”

“I can’t! Fuck, I can’t they’ll kill me! They threatened me to pull out of our contract! I swear!” Hammer pleads with you, sweat coating his forehead, fingers gripping so tightly to the fabric of his chair you think you hear it tear. There’s a moment’s pause while silence grips the room save for Hammers sniveling, and you look back at Bucky. Neither of you needs to say anything, looks alone settle any doubt.

“Tell me the name of the contact or I’ll snap your other leg, Hammer.”

“Rumlow!” you back off, content with the information given, and return to Bucky’s side. Rumlow rings a bell in the back of your mind, an important one too. Bucky watches you in shock at not only the news but the callousness in which you behaved. He knows the type of work that you’re involved in, you’re his enforcer! But to see it in action, to see the separation in the girl he grew up with and the woman that now protects him and his empire.

It scares him.

It worries him.

Your honey hues dart high and are met with a concerned gaze. You can see the fear that flutters behind blue eyes, and it takes everything you have to swallow the lump in the back of your throat. You tear your gaze from his own, body instinctually heading for the emergency exit.

“That’s why I didn’t want you to come, Buck.”

[all-hail-the-witcher]

say yes to the plus one

the sequel to say yes to the drinks. which you should read first. i am so tired. just have it. 

__

ship: geraskier

warnings: none

editing: ish

words: over 3k but under 4k

genre: floof

__

After getting drinks with Geralt, Jaskier could not stop thinking about him. He found himself taking more time with his appearance each morning - something that he hadn't even thought would be possible - hoping that Geralt would come into the store.

But Geralt still hadn’t come into Kleinfelds since the day of his trunk show. Jaskier tried not to be disappointed. He knew that he was very busy and it had been a one off that he had even met him in the first place.

Still, he couldn’t help but think that the two of them had something. There must have been some sort of chemistry between the two of them. Why else had Geralt asked him to get drinks after he had made that awful slip up with the magic fingers? Surely, he must feel something for him.

He had been texting Jaskier though, so Jaskier knew that he was at least still interested. Every message that he got wishing him a good morning or about some funny wedding dress design or of a picture of Geralt’s Pomeranian, Roach, made his heart flutter. There just had to be a future for them, right?

So, Jaskier went through yet another day of busy appointments at Kleinfelds, hoping that he would run into Geralt.

Late May into early June was always a busy time for them. Jaskier didn't personally understand the appeal of getting married in a zillion degree heat, but to each their own. This was by far his least favorite part of the year though. He spent every hour at work on his feet, hardly getting a break as he rushed from appointment to appointment: checking on alterations, making sure that every bride was getting their dream dress, and providing tweaks to designs when necessary to prevent bridal meltdowns.

It was nothing short of exhausting.

“Jaskier!” Camille, one of the consultants, called to him at around mid afternoon.

He had just spent the last hour trying to get a very adamant, very conservative mom and a very eccentric bride on the same page. He needed a daiquiri. Or three. Still, he turned around and put on his brightest smile.

“Yes, darling?”

“You’re needed down in alterations,” she said with a sweet smile.

Jaskier nodded and turned back through the salon to walk down to alterations. He hated going to alterations. If he was needed there, it usually meant that shit had hit the fan in some sense. He braced himself for a long afternoon.

He walked up to the manager, about to ask her where he was needed, when a shout from behind him made him jump.

“Jaskier!”

And a swell of desire rose up in Jaskier’s stomach because he knew that gravelly voice. Quickly, he straightened his tie, thankful he had worn his good pink one today, before taking a deep breath and turning around.

“Geralt!” he said, trying furiously to keep his cheeks from flushing. “What a lovely surprise.”

“Surprise?” Geralt’s brows furrowed together as he walked up to Jaskier, his wolfs head cane clicking across the floor. He was wearing a light blue button down today with the sleeves cuffed to his forearms that made his golden eyes pop and Jaskier had to struggle to keep his eyes on his face. “I texted you this morning.”

Jaskier’s eyes widened as he reached into his blazer pocket for his phone. Sure enough, there were two messages from Geralt. The first was a picture of Roach, lying in a patch of sun in his apartment. The second was a message that read:

Hey, I’m going to be at Kleinfelds today doing a custom fitting. Can you help with the appointment?

And Jaskier had never even seen it. Much less responded.

“Oh Geralt, I am so terribly sorry,” Jaskier said quickly. “This is our busiest time of year and I have hardly had a moment to think today.”

“You don’t have to help,” Geralt said sincerely, concern clouding his eyes. “I don’t want to push you too hard with the rest of your appointments, but I just figured that since I was here, I would ask.”

“No, no darling!” Jaskier said, rushing to reassure him. “Of course I will help! Helping you is much better than dealing with emotional brides and entourages that aren’t on the same page.”

“It’s alright Jaskier,” Geralt said, a small smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. “I know you just want to see my magic hands at work again.”

This time, Jaskier did flush bright red. “ You! ” he said outrageously, gaping at Geralt’s audacity to bring up his slip up from last time. “You need a nap!”

But Geralt just laughed, a glorious sound that sent shivers down Jaskier’s spine. “I think you’re the one who needs the nap, Jaskier.”

Jaskier shot him an incredulous look. How dare he make such assumptions, and how dare he be right?

“Anyway, the fitting is for my brother’s fiancee,” Geralt explained. “I made her a custom dress and she’s coming in for her fitting today. There was a shipping delay, so we only have time for one fitting before their wedding next week. I was hoping you could help.”

Jaskier could see the tension that had creeped its way into Geralt’s broad shoulders and the worry that was clouding his pretty face.

Jaskier placed a reassuring hand on Geralt’s arm. “Of course I’ll help, darling. Helping resolve wedding dress disasters is my specialty. Er- not that your dress is a disaster,” he said quickly, amused by the way that Geralt’s eyebrows had shot up. “Nothing that you design could ever be a disaster, the way that you work lace and beads is just divine, not a disaster. Not in any way a disaster. What I meant was the fact that she only has one fitting, that’s the disaster. Not your dress.”

“My magic fingers are quite incapable of creating a disaster dress, you’re right,” Geralt winked.

Jaskier resisted the urge to smack his shoulder. “You are never going to let me live that down, are you?”

“Nope.” Geralt looked far too pleased with himself. “Can you grab the dress for me? It’s on the rack for the day. And can you bring it to room 13?”

“Of course,” Jaskier said. He’d let the magic fingers comment slide for now. Geralt looked far too attractive with his moonlight silver hair in an artful bun, tendrils framing his face, for him to stay mad at him for long. He had never been able to resist a pretty face.

“Thank you.” Geralt moved past Jaskier and began to make his way to the room. Jaskier turned to watch him walk down the hall. His ass looked far too delicious in those gorgeous, fitted navy pinstripe pants. He just had to appreciate it. It would be a crime not to.

Distantly, he wondered if his ass looked just as delicious without the pants on. And was he wearing boxers or briefs? Oh who was he kidding, he had to be wearing at least briefs with pants like those. But what color? Geralt seemed like the type of man to appreciate a fun pair of underwear and-

Jaskier. Get your head out of the gutter.

He made a beeline to the rack and grabbed the dress. He had already left Geralt waiting long enough.

“Here you are,” Jaskier said, hanging the dress in the room.

Geralt fidgeted with his shirt sleeves, eyeing the bag. With a pang, Jaskier realized that he was nervous.

“I’m sure she’s going to love the dress,” Jaskier said, putting as much sincerity as he could into his words. “You are one of the best designers in the industry, Geralt.”

“I know,” Geralt said. “But I’ve never designed for someone that I know before, there’s more risk involved if they don't like it. Cause she’s put all her trust in me and what if she doesn’t like it? This is her only fitting. There isn't time to make anything else."

“Geralt,” Jaskier placed his hand over Geralt’s where he was still fidgeting with his sleeve. “She’s going to love it. Don’t doubt yourself so much, it ruins your pretty face.”

Fuck, did he just really say that out loud?

Geralt’s doubt dissipated as he looked at Jaskier amusedly. “You think my face is pretty?”

“Well who wouldn’t?” Jaskier said, trying and failing to backpedal. “It’s a plenty beautiful face, I mean you’ve got a nose and eyes and everything and…”

“I would hope I have a nose and eyes, yes,” Geralt laughed. Then, he leaned in, as if telling Jaskier a secret. “I’ve also heard that I have lips, too.”

Jaskier was saved the embarrassment of having to respond by a consultant escorting who Jaskier assumed to be Geralt’s brother’s fiancee and her entourage into the alterations area.

“Geralt!” a pretty girl with dark, curly hair said as she stepped up to hug him.

“Hi Triss,” Geralt said, giving her a polite hug and waving to the rest of the entourage. “Are you excited?”

“Of course I’m excited,” she said. “It’s only a week away, Geralt. This better be every bit as perfect as you said it would be.”

“It will be.” Geralt’s smile was easy, as if he hadn’t been freaking out about the appointment moments before.

“And who is this?” Triss asked, turning to Jaskier.

“Oh, everyone, this is Jaskier. He’s a consultant here and my friend,” Geralt said.

“Hello!” Jaskier said, giving everyone a wave.

“Jaskier, this is Triss, the bride to be. She’s marrying my brother.” Geralt gestured to the woman with the dark hair standing in front of them.

“Hello darling,” Jaskier said, shaking her hand. “You look just gorgeous.”

“Thank you,” Triss smiled.

“And this is Triss’s friend Yennefer, Yennefer’s daughter Ciri, my other brother Lambert, and Lambert’s husband Aiden,” Geralt said, pointing at the people sitting on the bench.

Jaskier waved to them all and gave them his best customer service smile.

“Tell me about your fiancee, darling,” Jaskier said to Triss.

“I am getting married to Eskel,” she said, her face lighting up immediately. “We’ve known each other forever and he is perfect.”

“Forever is an understatement,” Geralt said. “They went to kindergarten together.”

“Oh, a childhood love story!” Jaskier clapped his hands together. “How romantic! Let’s hope you have a dress to match.” He turned to Geralt.

“Well darling,” Jaskier said, gesturing to the garment bag that Triss’s dress was in. “Would you like to do the honors?”

Geralt stepped up to the garment bag, his shoulder taught with anxiety.

“Take a breath, Geralt,” Jaskier whispered, just quiet enough for only Geralt to hear. “She’s going to love it.”

Geralt nodded once before unzipping the bag and pulling out the dress. Jaskier couldn't help but gasp.

“Oh my god, it’s gorgeous,” Triss gasped next to him, taking Jaskier’s words right out of his mouth. “Geralt, you’ve outdone yourself.”

“You haven’t even put it on yet,” Geralt said, stepping away so that the entourage could see it as well.

“I don’t have to to know that it’s everything I wanted and probably more,” she said, giving Geralt another hug. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” Geralt said and Jaskier thought that he saw a light blush tinting his cheeks. Was Geralt embarrassed? Oh that was just adorable…

The dress itself was gorgeous, just as Jaskier suspected it would be. It was a glorious ivory color that seemed to shift under the lights to be a gorgeous pale blush pink. The skirt appeared to be A line and was sleeveless with a high neck. The bodice had an intricate lace and beading design that blended into the skirt. Jaskier knew that the dress was going to be amazing but Triss was right, Geralt had really outdone himself.

“Would you like to put it on, darling?” Jaskier asked.

Triss nodded, still not tearing her eyes from the dress as Geralt stepped out of the dressing room and Jaskier closed the curtains behind him.

He helped Triss into the dress, zipping up the back effortlessly.

“Oh it fits you like a glove darling,” he remarked. “Almost like it was made for you. Oh wait-” he smiled at her. “It was, wasn’t it?”

Triss laughed at his terrible joke - bless her - as she fingered the lace and beads on the front. “I wasn’t expecting it to look this beautiful,” she whispered.

“Well then let's spin you round, darling,” Jaskier said, taking her hand as she turned to face the mirror. “That’ll really shock you.”

“Oh my god.” She clapped her hands over her mouth as she gaped at herself in the mirror, turning from side to side to look at herself better. “Oh my god .”

“Isn’t it wonderful?” Jaskier smiled at her. “Geralt is far more talented than he gives himself credit for.”

“Tell me about it,” Triss said distractedly as she continued to stare at the dress. “This is absolutely gorgeous. I love it. Eskel’s going to love it. Everyone’s going to love it.”

“Stop feeding pretty boy’s ego and show us then!” someone shouted from the other side of the curtain.

“Fuck off, Lambert!” Triss called back. “I’m having my bridal moment,” she whispered, tears springing up in her eyes as she continued to stare, utterly transfixed by the dress.

“Here, darling,” Jaskier said, pulling his pink pocket square out of his breast pocket. “You don't want to get your mascara on the dress now, do you?”

Triss dabbed at her eyes and took a deep breath before handing the handkerchief back to Jaskier.

“Are you ready to show your entourage?”

“She better be!” Lambert shouted from outside again.

Triss let out a watery laugh. “Yeah, I am.”

Jaskier drew back the curtain as Triss turned around.

“Oh, Triss,” Yennefer said, tears unmistakably clouding her eyes. “You look gorgeous.”

“Holy fuck, Geralt,” Aiden muttered as he stared at the dress, his jaw dropped. “ You designed that ?”

“Hey!” Lambert elbowed him. “I already said that pretty boy doesn’t need his ego inflated any more than it is!”

“Okay but fucking look at the dress, Lambert. It’s fucking gorgeous. And I’m half fucking blind. ”

Lambert shrugged. “Yeah I mean it’s nice. It’s a dress. It’s fabric. I don’t know what you want me to say.”

“Say she looks beautiful!” Aiden nearly shouted, smacking Lambert’s shoulder. “And that Geralt did a great job because if you don't I swear your ass-”

“Boys.” Triss crossed her arms. “There are children present.”

“I’m nineteen!” Ciri protested, throwing her hands up.

Triss ignored her. “There are children present and this is my fitting. So Lambert, shut up and tell your brother he did a good job.”

“You did a good job not fucking it up, Ger,” Lambert muttered.

“I’ll take it. And Aiden? You can finish that sentence later,” she said with a pointed look.

She turned to Jaskier, who had been watching the entire exchange with raised eyebrows. “Sorry about them, they are always like this.”

Lambert flipped her off. Aiden threw up a peace sign.

“Well,” Jaskier said, trying to contain his laughter. “Clearly they are meant for eachother.” He was just glad that he hadn’t had to diffuse the situation. He was tired of telling entourages to get along.

“It’s a good thing they got married then,” Geralt said, standing slowly and walking over to Triss. “You like the dress then?”

Triss once again read Jaskier’s mind and playfully punched Geralt’s shoulder. “I fucking love it . I was right, it is everything I wanted and more. Thank you.” Her eyes were shining with tears again and this time, it was painfully obvious that Geralt blushed when he looked down at his shoes.

“Of course, it was my pleasure,” Geralt said, squeezing her arm. “I’m glad you and Eskel are finally tying the knot, I couldn't imagine a more perfect match for him than you.”

“Geralt,” Triss sighed, the tears pooling in her eyes spilling over again. “You didn't need to make me cry more! The dress was enough!”

Geralt just laughed. Jaskier silently passed Triss his pocket square again.

“Is there anything big that you want to change or do I just need to adjust the fit?” Geralt asked.

“Just the fit,” Triss said, dabbing at her eyes again.

Geralt nodded and set to work, silently slipping into the zone, pinning and adjusting and occasionally stepping back and squinting at his work. Jaskier knew that Triss and her entourage were talking, but he didn't even pretend to be paying attention. He was much more content to watch Geralt work, his fingers gliding effortlessly over the fabric as he made the already gorgeous gown look somehow even more phenomenal.

“Alright,” Geralt said, stepping back. “I think that that should be good, spin round for me.”

Triss turned to look in the mirror.

“Does it look okay?” Geralt asked and Triss punched his shoulder again. “Ow!”

“Geralt if you don't stop insulting your frankly quite stunning work, I will have to steal your little demon dog,” she said, looking over the dress in the mirror. “But yes, everything looks good.”

“Roach isn’t a demon,” Geralt pouted, and oh fuck wasn’t that adoreable.

“That fucking dog almost bit my hand off!” Lambert shouted from the bench.

Geralt made several rude gestures at him and Jaskier nearly swooned. Fucking hell he was gone for this man. And it was only the second time that he had seen him.

“Jaskier, can you get her out of the dress?” Geralt asked. “Be careful with all the pins.”

Jaskier nodded, very much at a loss for words.

“C’mon darling,” Jaskier said, tugging the curtain closed behind Geralt again.

He undid the zipper on the back of Triss’s dress and helped tug the dress off her shoulders, mindful of the many pins that Geralt had put in it.

“Have you and Geralt known each other long?” Triss asked.

“Oh, no not at all,” Jaskier said, glad that he was standing behind her and couldn't see the flush of his cheeks. “He helped me with an appointment a few months ago and we went out for drinks after and we’ve been texting occasionally, but that’s it.” He didn’t say that he wished it was more.

“You went out for drinks on the day you first met?” Triss asked, letting her voice rise. “That’s interesting, Geralt doesn’t often go out with people that he’s just met.”

There was a shout from the other side of the curtain, but it was muffled almost immediately, the sound of a hand slapping over someone’s mouth unmistakeable.

“Well, it had been a long day and we were both in need of one. Step out for me, darling,” Jaskier said, picking up the dress and hanging it back up.

“I’m sure you were,” Triss said from behind him as he zipped the dress carefully back into the garment bag. Before he had the chance to ask what she meant, she was opening the curtains and walking back outside to her entourage.

Jaskier picked up the garment bag and followed her.

“It was lovely meeting all of you,” he said, waving to the entourage. “Triss, darling, I hope you have a wonderful wedding and Geralt, it was nice seeing you again.” He turned back down the hall to go hang up the dress for Geralt to deal with later. He should get back upstairs, hopefully nothing too dire had happened in the salon during his absence, even if the break had been nice.

He was just turning to go up the stairs when he saw Geralt walking purposefully towards him, his cane clicking quickly against the floor.

“Jaskier!”

“Oh, hi again!” Jaskier said. “I was just going to head back upstairs, we are still very busy.” He gave Geralt an apologetic smile. There was nothing that he would rather do than stand and talk with Geralt.

Geralt winced. “Then I guess you probably shouldn't have helped me with the appointment.”

“No, no!” Jaskier said quickly. “It was my absolute pleasure, Geralt. And honestly? The salon was driving me a bit insane, so it was quite a nice and much needed break.”

“Well thank you for helping,” Geralt smiled. “I think it went well.”

“It definitely did, darling,” Jaskier said. “She loved the dress, just like I told you she would.”

Geralt rolled his eyes and looked down at his feet, placing both hands on top of his cane. “Actually though, I had something to ask you before you get back to work, if that’s okay. I don’t want to keep you.”

“The only thing you’re keeping me from is crying brides and disapproving mothers, and there is only so much of that that my poor soul can take,” Jaskier said. “I’d rather stay here with you and your-” he cut himself off before he made another terrible slip up. He had already learned his lesson from last time.

“With my magic hands? Or my pretty face?” Geralt asked smugly.

Jaskier sighed, ignoring him. “What was it that you wanted to ask me?”

“I have a plus one for Triss’s wedding next week,” Geralt started.

“And you haven’t asked anyone yet?” Jaskier asked. “Geralt, what have you been doing?”

“...Designing dresses?” he said sheepishly.

Jaskier swore his heart melted. He just looked so cute. How on earth was this allowed?

“Well, you better ask someone,” Jaskier said. “You’re running out of time.”

“Yes I know.” Geralt looked at Jaskier and smiled. “Jaskier, what are you doing next Saturday?”

“Saturday?” Well…” Jaskier trailed off, trying to remember what was coming up. “That is technically my day off, but I might still come in because we have just been so busy and we’re getting a new collection in and I’m going to have to….wait….” his eyes widened as he finally processed what Geralt had been asking him. “Are you….are you asking me..?”

“Would you like to be my plus one to Triss’s wedding?” Geralt asked, his golden eyes somehow sparkling in the atrocious fluorescent lighting.

“ Oh ,” Jaskier gasped. “Yes. Yes I would love to.”

“Great,” Geralt said, breathing an audible sigh of relief. “I’ll pick you up at 1pm. It’s formal. Be ready.”

Oh, Jaskier would be ready alright. He walked back to a salon with a huge smile plastered across his face.

__

may be a ch 2. havent decided. 

tag list:

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@dapandapod

[tundrainafrica]

Hey so how does it feel to carry the entire Levihan fandom on your back? I absolutely love all your stories! I always look forward to when you update! I had an idea for a fic but I haven't seen anyone do it. Where past levi wakes ups ( when he only sees hange as a friend) in the future to find that he's happily married to hange or living domestically with her and just contemplates his feelings for her

Title: Unwritten

Summary:

“Hange Zoe. One of the reasons why she creates really quality works is because aside from writing the script, she’s very hands on with everything from the direction, to the design and just the overall production… And she knows how to do it. When I watch her movies, it feels like they're peering into my soul or something.”

“Peering into your soul…” It was a tacky choice of words and Levi could only repeat them with some level of disbelief.

“What makes Hange Zoe's writing special are those in betweens. The unwritten parts... if you know what I mean?" 

Levi is assigned to work with screenwriter Hange Zoe and he is left constantly wondering why the hell she's taking her work so seriously.

Link: AO3

Note: I conceptualized this long fic after looking through a some of the prompts in my inbox and playing with them.. TYSM to everyone who sent those. I won't be dropping all the prompts I used when making this now because it might end up spoiling the fic as a whole but I will be dropping the prompts with every chapter I updated.

This fic doesn't actually follow any prompt strictly, I twisted the prompts around them, tore them apart, put them together so they might seem unrecognizable for some.

Either way, I'm very grateful to readers who are sending me prompts. It keeps me writing and brainstorming even when life gets terribly busy.

So thank you for them :D. I'm trying to get back to posting my writing more regularly again and this fic has been sitting in my folder for a while, I was just a little nervous to post it. Thanks to itShailaAM for looking through it!

If neither of us remember anything… Then it’s like it never happened right?

The voice was nostalgic, heart wrenchingly nostalgic. It had a unique way of twisting at his gut, spidering up his spine then leaving an almost painful pang in his chest.

Despite the overwhelming sensations, Levi found himself still able to take control.

So he reached out.

Then he was chasing after her again.

Chasing… He then wondered. How long had he been chasing? How long had he been awake?

With the first light of morning, whatever message, whatever meaning he could have made up for himself dissipated.

Or maybe it was never there to begin with.

For the first time in years or even decades, Levi was wasting his early morning window before work. He wasn’t doing much of anything but staring up at the white ceiling in some feeble attempt to make sense of it again. He came up empty save for two things: a faint throbbing in his head and a half hearted conclusion that maybe it really was just some fevered dream.

“Good morning!"  Someone was right next to him. Her voice was higher, more mellow. A hairs breadth away from his ear though, it grated.

Levi narrowed his eyes and the blur cleared somewhat. “Petra?” He heard himself speak. He was in an unfamiliar in-between, completely in control of himself, yet strangely disconnected. “What the hell are you doing here?”

Petra put one hand on the back of her head and gave him a sheepish grin. “Sorry about barging in like this…” She didn’t have to apologize. They were childhood friends and with all the family gatherings they had spent together growing up, they were more than comfortable just flitting in and out of each other’s apartments.

Levi didn’t respond. There were more important things to think about like the slow and almost painful process of sitting up. That morning, he was a little more careful than usual.

“Your mom told me to check on you.” Petra continued.

“Typical,” he muttered coldly. He turned towards the window, and took in the view of the blue sky, a few stories above ground. It should calm him if he stared at it long enough. “She always overreacts,” he added. At that point, the crankiness had started to subside and Levi realized he didn’t mind the doting too much. His mother had always been like that anyway. Growing up, a sprained ankle or an animal bite from a family pet had always been enough for Kuchel to insist on a visit to the doctor.

Petra let out a dry chuckle. “I don’t blame her though. Since the accident, she’s been asking about you every...”

Everyday. Levi completed it for her. He wouldn’t be surprised if his mother had asked about him every hour. “She can always ask me directly,” he said out loud before Petra could finish. He didn’t feel too bad about interrupting. Petra had been speaking particularly slowly since a while ago and if he let her speak like that for any longer, they might not get anything done.

As if she had read his mind or at least noticed the impatience, she immediately gathered herself. “You always downplay it,” she said, more clearly this time.

“She always exaggerates it.”

“That accident was pretty bad though.” Petra cocked her head to the side. “I’m sure you understand that, right?”

Levi averted his gaze for a brief second. He couldn’t deny that part. That accident had apparently been bad enough to merit a month long hospital stay, bad enough for Levi to not remember much of it aside from the phantom pains in his chest, And bad enough to take the brunt of the pain and the inconvenience of dealing with the symptomatic disorientation, the fatigue and the begrudging need for some support.

A few seconds of reflection later, Levi concluded maybe there was good reason for that overreaction. “But I can take care of myself.”

Ironically, his body chose that moment to teeter.

“Hey, you okay?” Petra put one warm hand on his shoulder. “You think you can make it to work today?”

The throbbing at the back of his head had dulled to a bearable ache but he could have sworn it had been worse in the hospital. “I don’t have enough leaves,” he said. He focused for a while longer on Petra’s eyes and saw reason.

Maybe I can take a longer break?

His body was probably silently begging for more leaves. On the contrary, another part of him had been yearning for normalcy for a while. Practicality had been the deciding factor. Although Levi had more than enough leaves, did he have more than he would have been comfortable giving up? Maybe not. He wouldn’t take it anyway. He had more than enough strength to push himself out of bed and pad lightly to the bathroom.

Unwillingly or willingly? He was too tired to tell.

“You were in the hospital just a week ago.” Petra was a voice of reason or a voice of temptation.

“I can’t take any more leaves,” Levi repeated again, as if saying it louder somehow made it more convincing. He made his way to his closet, keeping his strides purposeful, partially for himself, partially for her.

Even for a long time friend, Petra had always been shy and conservative. As soon as Levi motioned to pull his shirt up, she rushed out of the room in some characteristic gesture of modesty.

His bedroom door closed with a click and Levi started to slip his clothes off much faster. His head continued to throb. There was a strange ringing in his ears and the room was a little drafty, typical for early spring.

Levi didn’t have the mind space to prepare for that brush with icy wind. Fucking hell. Discomfort then the desperation that followed had him considering calling in sick again.

After using up three week’s worth though, vacation leaves were starting to feel more like a scam than an actual benefit of the job. He ran through the motions of his typical morning routine. Or at least, what had been typical a month ago. Since the accident, he hadn’t worn anything but loose shirts, pajamas and hospital gowns. Back in the hospital, he had been asleep a lot of that time.

He pulled his pants on, then sluggishly pulled his sweater over him, dolefully noting how snug fitting clothing seemed like strangers to his skin.

He didn’t feel like the same person anymore.

It looked like Petra did notice something was different. Over breakfast, she had pushed the plates closer to him. She did the honors of pouring the scrambled eggs onto his plate, then placing a loaf of bread right next to him. “Eat, we have a long day ahead.”

Levi mumbled something that could have been a ‘thanks’ or a ‘yes.’ He didn’t think too far about it either. There were more pressing things to deal with, like internally psyching himself up for his first day back at work and finding routine once again in the recovery process.

For a few minutes after, the two were silent in the small kitchen save for the sound of chewing and the sound of cutlery clacking on the plate.

“Hey Levi,” Petra hesitantly broke the silence. “You really don't remember what happened?” She had asked that question countless times before, back at the hospital, on his first day back at home and every single time she paid a visit.

He chalked it up to worry. In some semblance of a response, Levi downed the bread in his mouth in one painful gulp, then took a sip of tea. “I remember waking up in the hospital.”

“Before that.”

Levi dropped the half eaten bread on the plate and stared straight up at the ceiling for a second. “Leaving work,” he answered. It was too vague of an answer and Petra didn't seem satisfied.

Of course she wouldn’t be satisfied. He always walked the same route home and routine wouldn’t give too much of an answer to the question of how the hell more than a month ago, he had ended up with a severe concussion and a few contusions in the hospital emergency room, a few towns away from his own.

Past was past though. There was no use digging into it. At present, he had medical bills to pay and a career to salvage. No time for a personal investigation. He attempted to digress. “What did I miss?” Levi asked. “At work?” He noted Petra’s very disconcerting expression, a combination of pity and uncertainty. It was starting to get annoying.

Petra furrowed her brows, a little more hesitant to speak that time. “That’s what I wanted to talk to you about...”

In protest, Levi put the bread down and stared at Petra, his stone cold expression unwavering. He wouldn’t be eating unless Petra continued. He wasn’t hungry anyway.

A few minutes of silence later and it seemed to work. Petra looked down at the bread then up at him. Whatever was plaguing her mind then had taken some control over her. “A lot has changed since the accident,” she started.

“With work?” Levi asked again. He dropped the bread on the plate, deliberately allowing the clatter, as if the loud jarring sound would be enough to drive away the disbelief. Three weeks or fifteen business days wasn’t supposed to be a long time taking into account the speed of office bureaucracy.

Petra nodded, a wry smile on her face. Her expression, her demeanor gave the uncertainty away before she spoke of it. “You’re probably going to have to talk to Mr. Zackley about it…”

Levi’s mind was racing. Despite the throbbing, Levi had managed to fill in the blanks for himself. Even before Petra expounded on it, Levi had started to accept already, going back to work was probably not going to be such an easy ride.

Being gone for weeks had done a number to his job.

Three weeks to be exact. It was just three weeks, fifteen business days. Despite Petra’s apparent discomfort, her incessant warnings not to ‘expect,’ Levi had expected some semblance of normalcy. When his hopes were dashed, Levi felt like he had been body slammed out of nowhere by an oncoming train.

“I’ve been working on their set for years…Since the pilot episode, ” Levi said slowly. Hell, since even before the pilot episode if you consider the preproduction stage. He didn’t want it to seem at all like it was an argument and he subdued his tone to something lighter, with the intention of reminding himself not to talk back at authority.

“And we’ve transferred you,” General Manager Darius Zackley said matter-of-factly. “Underground City has been garnering a lot of attention lately and we couldn’t afford to be undermanned at such a crucial point of production.”

“But was it necessary to transfer me?”

Mr. Zackley’s expression softened. He didn't have a natural expression that demanded authority but he made up for it with reason. “It’s a primetime show,” he explained. “One of our best, and given the uncertainty regarding your accident…” For some reason, he had hesitated at that word. “We couldn’t take a gamble. We had you immediately replaced after the first week.”

“And?” At face value, the new developments were starting to seem terribly, terribly disappointing. “I can still work there.” Levi was perfectly aware of where the conversation was going. Still, it didn’t hurt to try.

Mr. Zackley was surprisingly patient. “It’s not an issue of you not fitting in. But we want to properly and more efficiently distribute our labor. The production of Underground City is currently…” He cleared his throat. “Oversaturated.”

Oversaturated with budget, resources. Underground City was a crime and mystery drama, one of their more high budget productions. Levi wasn’t too surprised at that piece of information, having worked closely with the producers and the writers since the pilot.

With a boss a few reporting levels above his own though, Levi couldn’t do much but listen quietly. Disappointment and uncertainty loomed over him and he was tiring more quickly.

“We’ve made some arrangements, set you up with a new role.” Mr. Zackley was taking his sweet time, his painfully sweet time.

At the butt end of Mr. Zackley’s whims, Levi was a mess. He racked his brain for all possible outcomes of the ‘arrangements’, a painful process, hampered by the weight of too many possibilities. They were a medium sized network that produced most of their own TV shows on top of news coverage and documentaries, still too many for Levi to have cared enough about to count.

At that moment, he was determined to make up for lost time. Naturally, his mind first flew to the more well known productions, those that had been receiving the best ratings in prime time TV since he had started working there.

Underground City. Military Police.

Working at the set of the crime drama ‘Underground City’ had been a good run for Levi, one he would have liked to continue but Mr. Zackley said so himself, they replaced him. ‘Military Police,’ one of their more popular historical war dramas, also received one of the bigger chunks of their budget. With Zackley’s very sullen expression, it looked like he wasn’t at all there to give Levi a promotion.

He didn’t really mind not working on the ‘Military Police’ set anyway. Everyone there seemed like a lazy prick and that long running drama had always seemed overrated to him. What else would be waiting for him though? “To where?” Levi pressed.

The old man hummed for a second, leaned forward on his seat. “I talked to Erwin about this and we have an opening in one of our daytime shows.”

“Erwin?” Levi repeated. The name was more than just familiar and he allowed himself a brief moment to recall. Erwin Smith. One of the more prominent in-house directors. Just digging deep into his mind, riling up whatever was causing the headache in the first place. He sat still and waited for it to subside again.

Then he wondered if it had been physical or just an emotional reaction to the mess he found himself in. He was barely recovering, he was plunged into a new position and he was confused, utterly confused.

“Consider it a temporary position until something else opens up,” Mr. Zackley added. “Given that you just got back from the hospital, it would be better if you started small.” He shot Levi a placating look. “Either way, this is a good opportunity for you, Ackerman…” It didn’t seem so genuine. “To ease you back into the hustle and bustle of working in TV production.”

Zackley spoke for an eternity longer after that but it had done nothing to make the transfer any better.

Levi had been working with that same hustle and bustle for years and he was confident, a three week break at the height of production wouldn’t have been enough to throw him--- hell, most people off completely.

But he was being treated like some invalid. Zackley’s warm words yet his uninviting demeanor sent some alarm bells ringing inside Levi.Mr. Zackley was overly consoling, overly placating and Levi’s mind was racing.

Levi took a deep breath and dropped his shoulders, willing himself to relax and focus on the present. Whatever the catch was, he’d find out soon anyway.

To ease you back into the hustle and bustle of working in TV production.

What a magnificent fucking lie.

“Start small my ass.” With the stress just piling up and his body barely catching up, Levi was tempted to let it out as anything louder, accompanying it with the very dramatic motion of dropping the paper work on the floor and relishing the loud thud. He imagined scattering the pages on the table, spilling them onto the floor and maybe kicking them out onto some curb.

Then he brushed off that mental image completely.

That would only create an unnecessary mess, maybe even cause a scene in that small cafe. Although his life seemed like it was complete chaos, his fastidious side wouldn’t have allowed him to make it any more worse. Then and there, he deemed it the best option to just take a sip of his tea, allow it to warm him up slowly and create a comfortable distraction, somewhere convenient.

A minute or so later, Levi accepted, tea didn’t do too good of a job. After all, what could tea do, aside from supporting him through the long and painful two days of ‘adjustment’ and the journey to the very frustrating conclusion that the general manager of the studio, Mr. Zackley was too out of touch with the struggles of the average worker.

“Just for long enough to get back to the hustle and bustle of TV production? What a fucking liar,” Levi muttered again. He dropped the tea cup on the saucer with a clank.

“Well, technically you are starting small,” Petra said. “They don’t expect too much quality wise from a soap opera on a day time slot.” She flipped through the pages of scripts and the storyboards that formed an overwhelmingly thick pile of papers on the coffee table.

It wasn’t too thick. Levi stared for a while longer and he decided it was a manageable pile of documents. The soft copies on his laptop were also of a countable number.

The deadline to be completely functional in two days though wasn’t as reasonable.

In search of some semblance of a break, Levi shifted his gaze towards Petra.

Her familiar presence had made the job change bearable. A half hearted response with her attention mostly channelled towards the piles of scripts had still been enough to have Levi more at home in the middle of the coffee shop in the late afternoon. “You didn’t even need to transfer,” Levi said. The indignance and the bitterness of a while ago seemed to be mellowing into something almost sweet.

Petra turned a beet red and she put her hands up in defense. “No no… I wanted to. Besides, this type of set is always in need of more people.”

Levi raised one eyebrow in response. Soap opera sets? Or maybe just daytime soap operas in general. Or maybe just that particular soap opera set. He turned back to the pile of papers on the table then back to his laptop.

The pile of papers on the table was the script for that month alone. The folders in the USB were eight seasons worth of soap opera scripts and episodes. Levi was once again reminded why such a project could have been so undersaturated.

Scratch that, he had never forgotten and he didn’t think he would ever forget anyway.

The script for just that month was much larger than the piles Levi worked with at his previous production. By the second day, he was starting to conclude, working with daytime soap operas was turning out to be a grind, a seemingly thankless grind.

Soap operas ran with the expectation of producing five episodes a week with a shoestring budget. The pressing deadlines and just the amount of content that had to be produced meant vacations and holidays were few and far in between for the average employee. And the unreasonable demands usually meant that quality would naturally suffer.

Since he started assimilating into his job, he also started to wonder. What audience were they even producing soaps for in that day and age?

“Do you think you’ll even enjoy this?” Levi challenged.

“It’s too early to tell,” Petra said.

Levi didn’t want to admit it then, but he was convinced that she would even find a way to enjoy it. The question should have been for him. He was the one who could barely even get past the first page of the script.

Petra flashed him a knowing smile, flipping the pages a little faster. She wasn’t reading them and all attention was on Levi.

Her face could have been asking questions. Or Levi could have been projecting. He repeated the question to himself. What now? More specifically, what was he supposed to do?

Then he answered it. Get used to it? Or maybe just accept it as a job. The grind would eventually get less painful he was sure. But would he ever see the beauty in it?

Levi had never taken the time to watch that particular soap opera but he had seen too many in passing to know what he would be working with.

The stories didn’t make fucking sense. The sets were cheaply made. The lights, the cameras and the resources for special effects were far from what he was given when he was still working with the twenty-one-episodes-a-season, one-season-a-year ‘Underground City.”

According to Erwin, they just didn’t have the budget. Besides, the average viewer didn’t expect much else anyway from a soap opera.

Either way, he was still hired as the cinematographer. This is still your job. Levi took a deep breath then exhaled with a soft huff. First things first, he had to familiarize himself with ten to fifty episodes worth of scripts. That night, he would be watching the blocking, the lighting, the editing, the overall production.

That was the job of the fucking cinematographer anyway. Erwin had warned him though, they were severely undermanned in all facets of production, pre production, production proper and post production. And for shows that aired multiple times a week, that meant, the grind wouldn't end.

So he wouldn’t just be the cinematographer.

At the impending workload that followed his orientation phase, Levi closed his eyes tight. For a second there, his mind flew to other opportunities and just the process of editing his CV and applying elsewhere.

Maybe in a year he would reapply, or maybe even in months.

He wondered if Petra was thinking the same thing. If she were, she didn’t make it obvious. Petra enjoyed the production process just as much as he did and she had been the reason he had found a job there in the first place.

“Welcome back to the working world.” Petra chuckled.

Levi blinked back the surprise in his eyes as he was once again pulled back to reality. Admittedly, he was overwhelmed. The weak throbbing returned and after spending too many hours insisting to Petra that he was ready to go back to work, he didn’t think it right to take a break.

He sipped his tea and deemed that a quick break.

“God I miss our tea times,” Petra said, looking pointedly at Levi's tea caup. She flipped the script over and pulled her teacup towards her.

Levi noted the wistful expression on Petra’s face. “I was only out for a month,”

Petra shook her head. “But for a week or so, we thought you wouldn’t make it.” There was a subtle crack, not too noticeable if Levi hadn’t tensed up and watched her closely.

It was bringing up too many unwelcome emotions at once, and somewhere in the back of his mind, a haze of memories aggravated the throbbing in his head.

Levi turned back to the pile of papers. With the amount of work to do, he would never have the time to ponder what happened anyway. In an attempt at digression, he pulled the script towards him, and started to flip the pages, poring over words yet only taking in half of it.

A very boring half.

Eventually, he gave up. “Let’s go back home. We’re not getting anything done here.” He gathered the pages, and meticulously returned them to each envelope.

He was supposed to be reviewing the scripts to get some idea on how the TV show worked. They had chosen to work in the cafe to escape from the bustle of the sets and attempt some productivity. Yet, they had been in the cafe for a few hours already and he still didn’t remember what the story had been about in the first place.

Soap operas didn’t have logical plots anyway. Levi thought to himself. Maybe just accepting could make his work feel more unbearable. He watched as Petra gathered the pages on her end, stuffed them into her bag.

“Sorry, I thought you would have wanted tea. You always liked this place…” Petra was explaining herself. The not-so-eloquent way at which she did it was a distraction. In fact, everything at that point was either a distraction or even irritating. Levi took a deep breath, closed his eyes and let the throbbing take control for a second.

One step at a time. Levi slung his bag over his shoulder. “The tea was good,” he said, more for her than himself. That was a lie. In fact, the tea tasted underwhelming. Tea usually didn’t disappoint though and Levi was starting to suspect the fault was in him. “Just give me some time to get used to life again,” he added, his tone more apologetic that time.

A few seconds or even minutes of reflection later and Levi had to admit, he felt like he really had changed during that break.

Cinematography is visual storytelling. Or so, that was what he had been taught when he started working with TV shows years ago.

When there was no story he could follow, there was no essence or heart to portray. So, Levi naturally approached it like a cold hard science. The hard copies on folders lay abandoned on the coffee table. His laptop remained unopened.

Levi's attention was trained on the big screen. He had silently been sprawled on the sofa since they arrived back to his apartment hours ago. Bundled up in a sweatshirt, legs propped up on the coffee table, Levi was in that convenient trance between relaxing and analyzing.

He had no idea what the couple on the TV had been arguing about. He had no idea who had fathered the large overly tacky baby bump sticking out of the woman.

The latest episode was playing on repeat and Levi remembered two things happening in the past ten minutes. A pregnant woman entering the crappy set of their mansion, hand on her oversized belly and  man looked back at her then approached her, a look of abject horror on his face. He was shouting something, obscenities maybe?

By that point, Levi’s mind started to wander with too many other passing thoughts.

The horror at finding out the protagonist was pregnant was overly exaggerated. Were baby bumps really supposed to be that big? And why did it take them that many months to figure it out? How many pregnancies did the protagonist go through? How many love interests did she have?

Then the cinematographer and the photographer in him took over.

There were more important things to look into. The camera never moved. Levi was familiar with multi camera setups and he didn’t need to think too hard about it. Most of the scenes were filmed in the house, in the office, all conveniently made sets, the conveniently written scripts were written around the shitty budget.

And the high frame rate, in tandem with the inorganic lighting, the lack of special effects and just the lack of some careful camera movement, made the overall story and the overall view, underwhelming, not at all cinematic.

The soap opera effect.

Some wouldn’t see it. Others would probably notice it but not glaringly enough to complain. Levi had worked in film for years and when he would search for the characteristic motion blur, he would immediately find it. The culmination of a simple camera set up, a few sets, a cheap camera, and with a studio and network always in some hurry to cut the budget, the soap opera effect was very apparent.

And they would be expecting the same cooperation from him in putting together a cheaply made production. On the bright side, that meant that despite having to deal with some shitty soap opera plot that didn’t make any sense, he wouldn’t have to do too much thinking with lighting, blocking and editing. Planning sets and scenes would be a light stroll in the park at best, soul suckingly monotonous at worst.

Levi reached for the remote and started to rewind, his interest suddenly piqued.

“So what do you think happened to the baby?” Petra asked. She dropped a bowl of popcorn on the coffee table.

Levi wasn’t in any mood to eat. More importantly, he in the mood to speculate the cheap excuse for a plot. “Am I supposed to care?” He pulled his legs close to him and leaned further on the armrest of the sofa, giving Petra more than enough space to get herself comfortable.

“Well, you’re working on the set right? Better to at least know the major plot points of what you’re working with.”

“Spoil me,” Levi said.

Petra reached for the popcorn and grabbed a handful. She turned to him, a wry smile on her face. “You really don’t even wanna try to enjoy it?”

“This is a job. ”

Petra dropped her shoulders in defeat. “Well… Hanako gets kidnapped…”

“Hanako?”

“The baby…” Petra answered, looking pointedly at him. “They literally spent an episode discussing the baby’s name.” A laugh was very much evident in her voice.

And there are a hundred episodes to sift through. “I don’t have to know the baby’s name to do my job.”

“The baby will be the main character in the next season. If you have been reading the script--- Or even just following the story...” Petra put her hands out and pointed at the TV, starting to look more exasperated by the minute.

“Okay,” Levi responded firmly, not in any mood to stomach accusations. “Then I’ll learn her name when I start working. Just tell me what I need to know to do my job. ”

Petra sighed. “When we get back on air, there will be a time skip. Then the season post time skip picks up after Hanako’s first day of college. So before that she grew up with her adopted parents who found her abandoned in a box. They went through some tough times financially and in the latest pages of the script she gets a job in a coffee shop.” She turned towards the thick envelope on the table then glanced accusingly at him. “I could have sworn you were reading through that back in the cafe.”

Levi didn’t notice it. He had only half heartedly read the script. Still, he feigned a look of interest.

“Then a lot of the writers quit,” Petra continued. “So a lot of what happened hasn't been written yet.”

Levi flashed Petra a knowing look.

Petra sighed. "Apparently, people were overworked, the job didn't pay much so a lot of the crew, cinematographer, production designers, they all left which was most likely why they put you there.”

Levi only had to look back at his first day and his second day to understand the turnover rate. He had spent a little less than an hour familiarizing himself with systems that seemed to be put into place for show. Soon after that, he was bombarded with unreasonable deadlines, timelines, responsibilities outside his actual job title and a little less than two days to sift through eight seasons worth of scripts.

“And why they easily transferred me. We're really behind now.  Post production for the last few episodes should be completed this week, aired by next week.

"Then we have a hiatus at least," Levi said, repeating it with that same cold professional tone Erwin had used with him on their first day. Except he knew that was a scam too. They would be using that two week hiatus to start filing.

That reminder at least pulled Levi back into reality. He couldn’t flit mindlessly from side to side and clock it up as ‘learning the ropes’ forever. Eventually, they were going to ask him to actually know the ropes. “Erwin said something about me working with production proper and post production,” Levi mindlessly rewinded some of the scenes again. “But they can’t expect me to write the script right?”

Petra shook her head. “No, I don’t think you will,” she said. “I talked to a few of the crew. They said they were hiring a writer. A whole writing crew actually--- And you know, among them, there are rumors about a big name screenwriter.”

Levi raised one eyebrow in disbelief. “Joining the set of a daytime soap opera.”

She put her hands up in defense. “It’s just a rumor.”

“A stupid rumor. What kind of screenwriter in their right mind would want to work here?”

Petra paused for a second, deep in thought. “Fine, it might just be a rumor. Still, ask yourself, why would there be rumors circulating in the first place?"

Levi sighed. “Which screenwriter then?” he asked, mostly in an attempt to humor her. And himself. The fact that a big name screenwriter would work in soap operas, might actually make ‘soap operas’ work.

“Hange Zoe,” Petra said, a wry knowing look on her face. As if it was a name Levi was supposed to know.

“Hange Zoe?” And if he followed the same ups and downs of Petra’s tone, he could pretend it was familiar to his lips. “Hange Zoe,” he said again.

Petra nodded. “The writer of the Titan series? The final movie of `Advancing Titans’ is coming out in the fall.”

Advancing Titans. The name had seemingly come out of nowhere, especially when Levi had already run through a few possible names in his head. Hange Zoe hadn’t been one of them. Although she was a big name in the screenwriting industry for sure, the idea of Hange Zoe working with soap operas seemed almost preposterous.

“Hange Zoe…” Levi said it one more time, in surprise or in some attempt to practice saying it. “You’re seriously talking about that writer?” Levi looked to Petra for confirmation. Hange had only ever written one movie series from a completely different genre, which begged a question.“She has some experience in soap operas?”

Petra unlocked her phone, opened the browser and started typing and scrolling. “No… Just the movies…” she muttered a second later.

“Then why do you think she would suddenly want to work in a cheap ass day time soap opera?”

Petra looked back at him, a dumbfounded look in her face. “But the timing just fits too well. The final movie is about to be released. Apparently, she didn’t renew her contract with her studio. There are even rumors of her leaving the movie industry… And there were speculations and everything.”

“Retirement?” Levi suggested.

“Why retire in your thirties?” Petra said.

“Well, when you’re earning millions per script…” Levi trailed off. Thinking up an argument was too much of a tall order. He continued flipped through channels in silence and he had managed to pick out the movie ‘Advancing Titans’ by just a few seconds worth of a scene.

Speak of the devil.

But it wasn’t strange at all to come across the movies while flipping through channels. After all,  Advancing Titans had become a household name over the past few years.

A person in a green cloak was flying, killing some man eating a zombie. It was a familiar scene, Even Levi, who almost prided himself in never having watched the movies, was familiar enough with the iconic movements, the colors and the insignia on the back.

The wings of freedom. How the hell that was connected to the story, Levi never watched enough to find out. Nor was he interested. Science fiction and fantasy were just never his cup of tea.

If Levi had to guess, soap operas and crime dramas shouldn’t have been big wig screenwriter Hange Zoe’s cup of tea either, especially after dedicating years of her life into a production as complex as a science fiction, dark fantasy cinematic universe..

“Do you really think Hange Zoe can actually work with low budget soap operas?” Levi asked.

Petra shrugged and Levi wondered why he had even asked her in the first place. Of course, she wouldn’t know. Still, she spoke up. “Even if the rumors were wrong and it wasn’t Hange Zoe. The important thing is they get someone to pump out scripts right? And your job anyway is to make sure everything gets filmed.”

“I guess.” Levi kept his eyes trained on the screen. The scene shifted from a forest, to the cobblestoned streets in town. A parade of miserable soldiers entered the town within the walls. The camera focused on a father, who navigated through crowds of people, zooming in one of the shorter soldiers.

Captain, I wanted to talk to you about my daughter… She wrote me a letter… She’s too young to get married.

Something about the expression of the soldier pulled Levi in. For a moment, he was frozen on his seat, completely hypnotized.

Petra’s voice tore into his trance. “That’s one of the scenes I can never forget.”

In some desperate bout of retaliation, Levi switched the channel of the TV. “Let’s watch something else.”

“Why? You okay?” Petra asked.

“I’m fine. I’d rather watch something more productive.” Levi flipped more rapidly through channels. He was tempted to just turn off the TV and call it a night.

“There’s a lot to learn from watching that,” Petra started.

"Like what?" Levi asked, his grip on the remote was still firm.

Petra opened her mouth, then closed it again. She sighed. “It's hard to explain... but remember that scene just a while ago. The father approached the captain about his daughter… She died while fighting the titans and they had to empty the cart so they lost all the bodies..."

Levi kept his eyes glued to the screen, suddenly hyper aware that there might have been a judgemental or impatient look on his face. “Go on,” Levi said, as if that could do anything to placate the discomfort already apparent in her voice.

“I guess the point I wanted to make is…” Petra still seemed far from calm. “Hange Zoe. One of the reasons why she writes really quality works apparently is because aside from writing the script, she’s very hands on with everything from the blocking, to the screenwriting and just the overall production… Which makes the storyline and the movie so gripping. When I watch it, it feels like the movie is peering into my soul or something.”

“Peering into your soul…” It was a tacky choice of words and Levi could only repeat them with some level of disbelief.

“A lot of the novelty of Hange Zoe’s writing… The parts that make it special are those in betweens. The parts she left unwritten... if you know what I mean?"

“That’s cool,” Levi responded, only barely. He switched to their local channel, to the late night reruns of the soap opera. .

“They’re good movies. I don’t think they were overrated," Petra said, a hint of defensiveness in her tone.

"I never said they weren’t good movies."

"You don't seem to want to hear about it at all."

"I'm just not interested. Besides, I'm too busy with work." That was the right moment to feign business. Levi held his phone in front of him, opened up the browser and wrote out a few familiar keywords. The movies of the titan series were all ranging from four to five star ratings. Whether it had been commended for cinematography or writing, he had been too lazy to check the more detailed reviews.

The reviews were most likely raving, sloppily made and potentially biased and Levi didn’t want to hear another synonym for ‘peers into your soul.’

His eyes were drooping, he was exhausted. Petra seemed to be ready to leave as well. But he had some space, he needed some break. And what better way to spend it than to do a little stalking? "Petra, could you send a file of the first movie? I think I might wanna watch it."

"You can stream the older ones on demand," Petra said.

Levi only had to open the menu on his TV to see the option for streaming. Right. Watching movies was starting to feel like a chore though and he was in no mood watching that night.

He didn’t say much else after that and the night ended with greetings exchanged. Petra only lived a few floors below him and it didn’t feel any different from being alone.

Before he knew it, he was half asleep already. He gave up, turned off the TV and allowed himself to doze off. When he came to his senses again, the sun was streaming through the window, and with work starting in an hour or so, he had little to no time to even start the movie.

The set was small. The budget was miniscule. The turnover rate was high.

And for projects that wanted to disguise themselves as official and corporate, it was utter chaos. One week into his job, Levi had to admit, he was reaching too widely, and he was spread out too thin.

There was a semblance of structure within his team. Petra and Eld worked with cinematography, filming and camera management and all he had to do was make sure the blocking looked good, limit the amount of retakes needed. Gunther and Oluo worked in post production and video editing.

But structure was an illusion.

The actors hadn’t arrived yet. Other new roles hadn't been finalized. The script was still unfinished. Yet, they were under the mercy of the vision of higher ups

"We're heavily delayed,’ or so that was what Erwin had explained. ‘Feedback of the higher ups.”

There were deadlines, unreasonable deadlines for the employees, yet a reasonable wait for the average audience. They had less than a month to finish filming and post production for the first few episodes of the new season, less than a week to produce everything for the old season.

When he was in a pseudo-management role, as a cinematographer, it was automatic. When filming, he should be going down to the set. But they weren't filming yet. In fact, there were people in the set not doing anything.

In the chaos, everything didn't seem to add up. So Levi forced one memorandum, one attempt at structure. He would finish the final editing by that night and start the next day with a blank slate. Even if he needed to, he would stay until midnight to make it work.

That new writing team should be coming soon. Levi repeated to himself. Erwin had said so himself, Petra had also mentioned it excitedly over lunch.

All Levi had to do was get the episodes ready for review by the higher ups, then ready for airing then he could start that new season with a healthier approach, maybe find some way to add more structure to his already hectic job.

“Petra, don’t wait for me. I’m working overtime today.”

Petra jumped on her seat.

Levi only realized then, he had come up from right behind her. And Petra had been busy reading through something in her laptop, a quick glance confirmed, it was the unfinished script.

Levi continued. “You don’t have to wait for me.”

Petra looked back at him, a worried look in her face. She opened her mouth to speak.

“Deadlines,” Levi answered.

“You need any help? You know Oluo and Gunther, they can stay too. Or even me.”

“I can finish it myself,” Levi said. He was completely aware either way that it was his job to review everything before anyone else reviewed and before it went on air.

There was an indignant look on Petra's face. But Petra never really imposed. She nagged, doted, argued but she never imposed.

And he managed to pacify her by requesting an espresso and a cup of tea from the tea shop right in front of the studio. Beverages were frowned upon in the video editing room. Levi though was particularly meticulous, he was tired and stressed and he allowed himself some leeway.

Just today. And when they start filming the new season, during the hiatus, Levi would reopen his work with a more organized approach, more suited for his personality. He constantly reassured himself of that as he continued to edit the videos, crosschecking with storyboards and scripts.

Most of the work had been done. Most of the work had been easy to scan through. Still it was hours of sifting through retakes, reviewing and setting them up for reviews and cuts. In the silence, completely alone, He gladly gave the task the required focus, more than enough not to have noticed the sound of the door click behind him.

“This is the coffee you asked for right?” The voice wasn’t Petra’s but still it didn’t seem at all hostile. In fact, the voice seemed friendly.

Friendly enough for Levi to feel obliged to respond.”Thanks.” A new hire maybe? In the one week he had been working there, three people had already quit.

It wasn’t worth a second thought. The important thing was he got his coffee and tea. So he didn’t bother looking up, only looking with his peripherals to see the paper white of the cup just a few inches away. He reached one hand towards the cup and surprisingly, his hand didn’t grasp for paper. It went for something a little softer, something a little cooler but still warm to the touch.

And it moved. A bug? A pest? That had been Levi’s first speculation, being the paranoid clean freak he was. Before his guesses could get anymore creative he looked at the cup and saw the cup was stable on his desk. He had a grip, not on the cup itself but on the other hand which held the cup. The movements were from a hand underneath his..

A wild hand. It slipped out of his grip, and before Levi could pull away, it gripped him in return, squeezing harder on his pointer finger and his middle finger.

For just a second. A painfully awkward second.

A second of realization was all Levi needed to pull away. “May I help you?” he asked. It took a lot more willpower not to curse at that strange invasion of privacy. A second later, reason took over and Levi realized that he was the one who had gripped her first.

He had planned to grip the coffee cup, he justified himself.

“They said… You needed some coffee.” The voice was nonchalant. Yet somehow, nonchalance had managed to make his blood boil. “So I came here to drop it and say hi,” she added, as if that was the most natural response.

‘Say hi’ didn’t usually involve two hands gripping one another, then interlocking. Her hands were still gripping the tip of his fingers and for a second they were frozen.. “Are you always this touchy then?” Levi pressed. Especially with a total stranger. Levi looked up, turned his head towards the voice and confirmed it, she was definitely a familiar face but they were barely even acquaintances.

Brown hair tied up in a ponytail, glasses propped comfortably on her nose and just underneath them, warm brown eyes that had no problem just staring, studying… And in their own way, leaving Levi very very jarred by the mundane gesture called ‘eye contact.’

“I was hoping to talk for a bit,” she said. “If you’re not too busy, we can---”

“I’m busy right now,” Levi said. He pulled the coffee closer to him, suddenly careful when awareness dawned on him abruptly. Suddenly, he was completely aware that the coffee cup was only a few inches away from the computer. “Can this wait?”

Those brown eyes were suddenly wider, a hint of surprise. Then they narrowed at him and Levi felt some pity blanket his already sluggish and aimless movements. Before he knew it, he was very very unproductive.

He had to do something. “My name is Levi by the way.” He was deliberately gentler that time and usually lowering his voice and slowing down did some magic to make him seem kinder than he usually seemed to new people. Or so, that had been what Petra had advised multiple times before.

Levi looked up, forced a subtle smile, a combination between a tightlipped line and crinkles at the edge of his mouth. The most he could manage for a courteous introduction.

Her reaction was unexpected to say the least. He noticed her eyes first, the way they widened. Her jaw dropped. She closed it again, a subtle twitch in her lip.

Did I say something wrong? Levi thought to himself. He looked back at the computer screen. “Levi… Levi Ackerman,” he added. Would that help ease the tension of the room?

Even when Levi started to make a game for himself, playing video edits again and again, he realized he was more focused on pretending to concentrate than in actually polishing the transitions between scenes.

Hange eventually spoke up. “Hello Levi. Nice to meet you.” Her voice was softer in that last sentence.

“Nice to meet you too.” That had been surprisingly difficult to say. He sensed the discomfort in her voice, and maybe he had unknowingly mirrored it.

“My name is Hange Zoe. I’m going to be working as a screenwriter here…”

Oh. Oh. So that’s Hange Zoe. For someone who spearheaded blockbuster hits, who had people talking like crazy over rumors, it turned out she was a very underwhelming presence.

“I’m the cinematographer here,” Levi said. Technically, that was his job title but at that point, he was doing everything. “So I guess we’re going to be working together a lot.”

“We will,” Hange responded. Her presence was underwhelming. So underwhelming that Levi felt no need to even be excited that they had a prodigy screenwriter in their midst. Her voice was soft when she spoke to him. Her eyes were some mix of disappointment, nervousness, uncertainty.

Levi suspected it was her demeanor, her approach towards him that had caused such tension to settle in such a tiny room. “Thank you for coffee,” Levi said. Any nice gesture seemed like a worthwhile attempt to ease it.

A wide smile played at Hange’s lips, still far from what Levi would have considered confident though. “Happy to help.”

That’s the award winning screenwriter? “I’ll see you tomorrow then?”

“I’m going to be working on a few scripts tonight, have Erwin look at them in a day or so,” she said. Her voice had shifted to something more professional, and her meekness was starting to feel more like a misinterpretation on Levi's end..

“Looking forward to them,” Levi said.

The door slammed behind him, a little louder than the click that followed. The room was dim, it was almost distracting. When Levi turned towards the lights, he considered turning it on, to save himself the discomfort of sore eyes.

He turned his chair, put enough wait into one leg only to notice the sluggishness, the numbness underneath. His legs were jelly. Her hands were trembling and his breaths weren’t coming out in predictable bouts. He turned back to the computer and prepared to review what he had already edited.

The video was playing and Levi was convincing himself that he was productive.

Halfway through the episode, or even a quarter through the episode (Levi wasn’t counting), his mind had wandered. When his surroundings just became a little too overwhelming, Levi let loose just a little bit. He let the heaviness in his chest and the stiffness of his limbs speak for him then.

That voice of a while ago, Hange Zoe’s voice. That voice was nostalgic, heart wrenchingly nostalgic.

[lustyargonianmaid]

the line begins to blur, part one. | cyberpunk 2077

ao3 link here, give me some love if you can! words: 941 warnings: sex mention, alcohol mention. the girls are drunk and havin’ a time. no major spoilers. v has feelings for johnny and hangs with the aldecaldos. pairings: johnny silverhand x fem!v, fem v & panam palmer (platonic)

“Any beer left in there?” V lazily pointed over Panam as they laid in the dirt with their bellies facing the sky. She kicked at the box and it sounded disappointingly empty.  

“I think we polished ‘ em  all off.” Panam laughed as she propped herself up on her elbows. V struggled to sit up, her vision started to  blur,  and the all the familiar ache clouded her vision, making her wince. Panam knew better to ask her if she was okay. She wasn’t, but that’d be the day she’d  actually admit  it.  

They sat for a minute and watched the few stragglers who were still up, sitting by the fire. Panam sighed and tossed a rock into the darkness. “Good God, I need to catch a dick.”  

V’s laugh could have woken half of the  Aldecaldo  camp. “Give one of the  veterans  a whirl! I’m sure one of ‘ em  would be happy to give you a ride.”  

“Christ, V!” They both cackled loud enough for it to echo through camp – nothing the nomads weren’t used to by now. “Don’t think they could keep up with me.” Panam chimed, her voice dripping with sarcasm. “You know, Saul and I almost did once. Thank fuck we  didn’t,  or this family would be more screwed than we already are. Or one of us would be dead.”  

“Yikes. But I mean... imagine the hate sex you two would have.” The girls both laughed again as they stumbled to their feet. Stretching and brushing the dust off their clothes, not that it helped any – there seemed to be no escaping it in camp.  

V rummaged through her belongings until she found a half-emptied bottle of warm  liquor . The label had been long worn off, but it didn’t matter what it was this late into the night. These were the best of times, sitting with Panam until the early morning hours, laughing and gossiping like little girls. V felt like she had known her since childhood. And sometimes she was sad that she hadn’t.  

Then sometimes she thought about just riding out her last weeks, months, maybe even years if she was lucky, with the  Aldecaldos . No more jobs, no more Nighty City or  Arasaka  – no more bullshit. But she knew Panam and Mitch would never let her give up that easily.  

Johnny crept back into her thoughts. Not that he was never really gone; she was only more aware of him in moments of silence. V took a long swig from her bottle and shuddered.  

“You know, this engram –  Johnny .”  

“V, you know we don’t have to talk about this if you don’t want to...”  

“No, no... I do.” V felt her chest tighten as she thought about him. Another familiar feeling, another thing she tried to swallow and ignore. But she knew he knew...  he had to . “Sharing your head with someone can be so...”  

“Horrifying?” Panam followed suit and took a swig.  

“Yes. But also, strangely... intimate. It's fucking infuriating at times but... he’s become such a strange comfort to me in all this shit. I don’t know how to describe it.” V’s eyes darted around the tent, looking for him. She knew he was there; he always was. But not seeing him made it all easier to put into words. Well, that and the liquor.  “I look for him everywhere. I know he’s here... well, I mean, in my head. But I always want to see him. Fuck, he used to piss me off so much...”  

“Jesus V, this is starting to sound like some  stockholm syndrome love confession.”  

“It's fucking twisted, isn’t it?” V covered her face with her hands, hoping he wouldn’t pop out in front of her.  Not fucking now . “I see it though, I see the way he sees me, I mean. And  it's  how I feel every fucking time he’s around. I  wanna  reach out and touch him.  I want him to touch me ... I  wanna  be alone with him and really know him. Outside of this fucking mess.”  

There was a long silence. It took a lot to render Panam Palmer fucking speechless, but there they were.  

“ So,  what...  do you love him ?”  

The static headache started again, and V rubbed her temples in hopes it would subside. “I don’t know... it’s probably just this fucking engram scrambling my brain and completely taking over. Mother fucker definitely does have a hard on for himself.’ V heard Johnny’s laugh behind her, but only saw cigarette smoke materialize for a moment. “Just forget I ever said anything. It’s so fucked up.”  

“No,  V . I mean yeah... It sounds absolutely nuts, but hey, I’ve seen the old vinyl covers... and those leather pants  do   kinda  do it for me.” Panam smiled and squeezed V’s hand in reassurance. “Could be some romance novel. Girl falls in love with the ghost of a  Rockstar .”  

V rolled her eyes and laughed, trying to ignore the incoming hangover that was starting to dawn on her. “I should try and sleep a little.”  

“You’re right about that.” Panam got to her feet and peaked out the tent door. The sky had started to change to a lighter hue of blue. “Don’t worry okay? This... This is all  gonna  work out. And in the meantime, I'm here.”  

V curled up on her cot as Panam left. She tossed and turned for a bit before she started to drift away. But then she felt it – a warm familiar, calloused hand lightly pushing the hair out of her face, and a thumb ghost over her cheekbone. But when she opened her eyes no one was there.  

Johnny .    

[heart-strong]

Are you Miserable?

Summary: Spencers out of jail, Scratch has been caught and Aaron and Jack are back. Spencer's boys are back, so when Penelope offers to take Jack for the night they cannot resist, but the night does not go as anticipated.

Pairing: Aaron Hotchner x enby Spencer Reid , hurt/ comfort

CW/TW: Sexual Assult, Childhood Sexual Assult (mentioned) prison arc (mentioned), Aaron in witsec (mentioned), intrusive thoughts flashbacks

WC: 2.3k

———

Spencer Reid was in love desperately and since they got out of prison their next goal to get their boys back. Aaron and Jack were now seconds away from them.

“They haven't arrived yet genius?" Penelope scurries through the double doors with JJ and Dave in tow.

"Em went down without me, she said they wouldn't get up here if I went down there." they bounced on the balls of their feet.

"I agree with Emily," Dave added.

With that, the elevator dings, and the three people are reviled to the team. Aaron and Jack Hotchner’s smiles matching inch for inch. Suddenly Jack is throwing his full weight into Spencer’s arms. Aaron's then squishing the boy to their chest and is kissing Spencer’s mouth in front of everyone on the level six FBI floor.

"How have you gotten hotter?" Aaron whispered.

"Prison roughed me up, babe. "Spencer answers, squatting down to talk to Jack. "What do you think, have I changed too much Jackie?"

"I think you look tough like daddy, Spencie. I'm glad we're back though daddy’s been miserable."

"Jack you weren't supposed to tell them that.” Emily giggles at the young boy.

"Sorry, dad. "Jack blushes.

"Okay, I need hugs." Penelope runs up. "I missed you boys." she scoops Jack up." Now, Jackie, you and I are going to have a sleepover. We can’t have daddy and Spence miserable for any longer."

"That sounds so fun!" Jack hugs Penelope tight as Aaron hugs Dave hello. Falling quickly back to the rhythm of the BAU and rejoining the team before he and Spencer head to dinner for the first time in a year.

---

"Ahhh Aaron," Spencer moans in complete pleasure and basking in the presence of Aaron on top of them.

"God, fuck Spence-," Aaron moans into Spencer’s neck while the pair’s legs are intertwined and Aaron works on his partner’s shirt, kissing lower to make a new hickey on Spencer’s pale collar bones. "My Pretty Spencer.” he punctuates with a bite.

While feeling Aaron once again in such a needy way after him being gone for so long, Spencer can't help being overwhelmed. 'I'm just out of practice’ Spencer thinks as they card their hands through Aaron’s hair.

"Mmm Ar, your hairs so long with a year of me not pulling on it." they laugh opening their eyes and looks to the ceiling.

"I hate it, love." Aaron breaths.

Spencer smiles at the comment but knows it won't happen tonight. They hold to the man on top of them because maybe finally having him back in Spencer’s arms it will make the inmate’s words they yelled at them lessen. From the nightmares and intrusive thoughts that Spencer has dealt with since the early days in the prison. But now they’re thinking about it and Aaron's hands are not Aaron’s hands. Aaron’s body is not Aaron’s body. And more of the air leaves Spencer’s lungs. The hips lips legs begin to envelop their body as they gasp for anything. 'But Aarons home, he needs this'.

"God fuck," Aaron wines rolling his body above them. "You are so lovely. I missed you, Spence." His hands force Spencers shirt to move up their chest.

‘This is Aaron, this is my boyfriend.’ they repeat in their mind. ‘The men are still in prison, I am here with Aaron.’ But as Aaron’s other hand is going for his belt. The jumpsuit buttons and they can feel of the stiff mattress as it floods back to them when Milo, no Aaron, unbuckles their belt.

"No," Spencer stiffens and Aaron is off their body, at the other end of the couch in the blink of the eye.

"Baby?" Aaron asks.

Spencer gasps as their chest feels the calloused fingers of Milos on their body. And as they look up to Aaron’s face, 'he'll still love you, you've watched him for years supporting victims.' they think.

"Spencer, Spence can you breath a bit better?" Aaron asks. “Darling in through your nose, out through your mouth baby."

Spencer listens to Aaron and scratches the tears off their faces. When did they start crying? After they start breathing better Aaron goes to the kitchen and gets glasses of water. Spencer accepts it and drinks the entire glass before they look back at their boyfriend.

"Spencer do you want to talk about this now?"

"I was sexually assaulted again, in prison."

"Okay first I love you and this doesn't change that, second may I hug you, you can say no if you don't want me to." Aaron is standing hesitant.

"No, I mean, yes you can. Please Aaron, can you hold me?"Aaron sits down next to Spencer placing his glass next to the empty one and envelope Spencer’s shoulders for a few seconds and then leans back continuing. "Just like before, when you told me about your father, I do not care darling. Now I do care because you should not have had to experience that, I wish I could get your father in jail Spencer."

"Aaron don't you don't,"

"No Spencer Reid, your father touched you when you were five. You knew Jack at five imagine someone touching Jack then, that anger you feel is the same I would feel and do feel. I think about killing him."

"Aaron, you can't say that," Spencer says.

"Why not? I do, if I had known at the time and met your father, I would have killed him during the Riley Jenkins case, I would have stayed."

"Aaron, it not that I don't appreciate the thought, because I do. I really do, you cannot imagine 5-year-old me realizing that what William was doing to me was abusive and not what fathers did to their children how used and unloveable I thought I was,"

"Spencer Diana Reid, you are so very loved." They both smiled at the name. Six months after the two got together Aaron and Jack accompanied Spencer to the courthouse to change their middle name. Spencer had told the team and their boyfriend about their father, then all the hospital visits happened. And every time Spencer had to say 'Spencer William Reid’ they had to hold down bile. Aaron caught onto their discomfort and brought up the idea of changing their name.

"I know that now, but I have you and Jack and the team and Henry and Michael. Aaron, I do not feel loveless now. But, god, okay I have my boys back, and I could not let you not know that it happened again."

"And I assume the guards did nothing."

"The guards did shit, believe it or not, Calvin Shaw found me and brought me to the infirmary."

"Spencer, baby I'm so fucking sorry.” Aaron grabbed their hand and Spencer could feel his shaking. “I do have to ask, have you gotten checked?"

"Aaron,” Spencer scoffed. “Do you think I would have been rolling around with you for the last hour if I hadn't or it came out positive!? No, I would have told you immediately."

"Spencer I had to fucking ask." This is not what Aaron wanted. He honestly wanted, when the elevators opened and he laid eyes on 'roughed up' Spencer, to take the love of his life to the bathroom and ravish them. But then Spencer seemed to be a melancholy aura. And then less than 30 minutes ago they stiffened like the dead bodies they see with the job. "Baby, can we step back please."

"Yes sorry I just, Aaron I wouldn't risk your health babe, sorry I got angry there, I just want your body." Spencer blushes. "I thought, it’s you, and I've been abused and scared almost every year since joining the bureau. Like I should be fine, but that's not how this," they point to their brain, "Works."

"Spencer you do not have to justify yourself to me. How about I make some popcorn, get some tea, you get some jammies on. I will too and we just watch a movie."

"That would be very nice." Spencer grabs Aarons’s thighs and kisses their boyfriend. "I missed you and your use of 'jammies' is beyond adorable.”

"Spencer, have I introduced you to my son Jack Hotchner he's 13?” They both laugh and Aaron kisses Spencer back, carding his hand through their unruly curls.

"Mmm hum, "Spencer hums from the feeling "Touche handsome. I'll be back."

After Spencer leaves Aaron goes to the kitchen preparing the hot water and snacks, knowing how to navigate Spencer’s apartment after years of movie nights with his partner. Some time passes, he has dumped the popcorn in a bowl and two cups of tea are steeping when he hears bare feet padding into the kitchen.

"You still like peppermint and apple mixed? I saw you had them and made it without asking."

"Do you know who you're talking to, yes, may I hug you?"

"Please." before he has the chance Spencer presses their body to his back and nuzzles their nose to Aaron’s hairline. After years after real-life jump scars, the pair did not hug from behind without permission. Spencer’s slender arms wrap around Aaron’s middle.

"Did you pick out something to watch baby?"

"There's a documentary about Polar Bears that looks nice," Spencer says.

"Sounds good, "Aaron rubs Spencer’s arm as they tighten their grip." Do you want to bring these to the coffee table and I'll go change?"

"Sure babe, I missed you so much," Spencer says as he started kissing Aaron’s back.

Aaron turns in Spencer’s arms and finds them in an FBI Acadamy t-shirt too big and too worn out for it to be Spencer's. His FBI shirt.

"Did you miss me or my clothes baby?" Aaron laughs as his partner.

"Your clothes that smell like you.” Spencer blushes. “You see, I have some of your clothes but,"

"They don’t smell like me anymore?" Aaron nods as Spencer’s fluffy hair robs his neck. "If I just hold you you don't have to wear my clothes and I never plan on letting you go."

"Aaron Hotchner you are going to spoil me to death."

"No I will spoil you till the day you die, that's different." Aaron brushed Spencer’s curls out of their eyes. "I'm going to go change baby."

While Aaron is changing Spencer turns on Netflix and pulls up the documentary and bundling up in a blanket. Aaron joins them letting Spencer curl to his body as if the two were magnets to the other. This is what Aaron needed when he saw Spencer, his partner at his side and warm on his body. Over the years after the two got together Spencer would fold to Aaron’s body and sometimes Jack would sit in between them. While the loss of Hailey was painful for everyone on the team, Aaron was happy with Spencer and it made it easier to love them when Jack was also with the two, having fun and calling Spencer ‘Spencie’. Jack would explain to his teachers that ‘My Spencie is picking me up today’ and while it was confusing at first they quickly came to realize that Jack’s father’s partner was nonbinary. And Aaron of course did not care, just about having Spencer at his side and being able to love them.

Spencer ends up falling asleep, their fist clutching Aaron’s shirt and it has been years since Aaron could carry Spencer to bed. So he runs his hand through the beautiful curls atop their head and stops once Spencer's eyes flutter open.

"Hey," Spencer rubs their eyes." Did I fall asleep?"

"Yes, baby. You are so pretty you know, my pretty Spencer." Aaron smiles down at the crinkles in Spencer's cheeks.

"And you, my darling boyfriend, are comfortable."

"Okay my pretty one, brush teeth and bed."

"Aaron you know I am your partner, not your son?"

"Give me a break, the past year I have mostly only hung out with my son."

- - -

Aaron exits the restroom and finds Spencer with a book and their glasses on. "Hey Spencer before we go to bed can we chat?"

"Yes of course, but also I am quite sleepy you know."

"yes, I'll be quick," Aaron laughs and sits at Spencer’s feet. "I know we started that conversation and I feel like we dropped it quickly."

"Babe, you don't need to," Spencer sits up grabbing Aaron’s hands.

"Spence, for my brain I do need to, so can I?"

"Of course Aaron go ahead.” Spencer closes his book. "Can I snug while?"

"Come here baby," Aaron reaches out for them, and Spencer crawls into his lap and wraps their legs around Aaron’s hips. "Okay seriously though, you are my everything and your father did not deserve having you. And I hate thinking about if he had stayed. I love you so much and the shit that happened to you in there doesn't change a thing."

"Thank you for saying that babe." Spencer blushed. "I can't imagine not having my boys back."

"I'm very glad having you back too, I really was fucking miserable."

"Are you miserable now?"

"No."

"Then can we snuggle for the rest of our lives?"

"That sounds fantastic baby.”

Spencer kisses Aaron with a nod." I will say Ar, I want Jack back and I want us to move in together, we've been together for years and I love Jack. Jack loves me. Not to toot my own horn, but like I get to love and receive love from the Hotchner boys."

"Spencer Reid, you fucking beat me to the question.” Aaron fakes disappointed hitting his forehead on Spencer’s shoulder. “Jack asked if we could move in when we came back. But I think it’s a bit too late to go get him tonight though. So for now, snuggles?"

"I like snuggles!"

Spencer pulls Aaron on top of them and catches his mouth. Aaron Hotchner was the person or man for them. Aaron thought the same for Spencer, Spencer loved his kid and his kid was the person Aaron loved them most in his life. The pair fell asleep intertwined in the sheets. And when the sun rose the first thing out of Aaron’s mouth was, "Hey my pretty Spencer, do you want to go get our boy?"

"Our boy? God, I love the sound of that, yes."

[cinnaminsvga]

autumn leaves | l.i.b. finale

→ summary: and in the end, we fall because we have no other choice. some get up easier than others, and we bury the ones who never do. 

→ pairing: ??? x reader → genre: angst, humor, fluff, lib!au → warnings: tae gets hurt a little but its an accident (he’s fine dw), small blood mention (from aforementioned accident), rage moments (rip lol), heartbreak (yum!), a happy ending (?) → words: 7.7K → a/n: oh my god we’re at the end?? after two months of SUFFERING?? how can this be happening?? lol but seriously thank you to everyone for going on this journey with me. writing lib was honestly so much fun, and it’s been a while since i’ve been able to kinda go “all-out” or whatever. i’m kind of nervous with this ending, but hopefully it’s something everyone will be able to enjoy. peace!!

prev // part 38 of 38 masterlist here. [series completed]

October 1, 2020 — 6:18 PM

Min Yoongi’s phone feels like it's burning a hole into his back pocket. It’s a heavy presence, weighing like concrete enough to bend his spine. His hands itch to reach for it, to check for messages he knows he won’t receive. But in the back of his mind, he thinks—desperately and senselessly, that if he wishes hard enough, then maybe it’ll come true.

I should be glad that she isn’t calling me, he tries to convince himself. The itch continues to grow, licking at the back of his mind like a fire begging to be extinguished. I should trust her decision. I should be proud of her. But there’s always been a difference, after all, to what Yoongi should do and what he wants. It’s a difference that he has fought to ignore for years now.

“Hyung,” a soft voice calls out to him, a hand placed gently on his shoulder. Yoongi blinks slowly out of his trance, his eyes dry from staring out his car window for too long. He doesn’t turn in his seat, refusing to face his companion in the backseat. “Hyung,” the voice calls out again, this time shaking him vigorously enough that Yoongi has no other choice but to turn lest his shoulders get dislocated.

“What do you want, Jimin?” Yoongi growls, sneering at the boy. Jimin smiles sheepishly, but he doesn’t back down under his glare.

“Sorry. You were gripping the wheel so tightly that I was scared you were going to break it.” Jimin shrugs nonchalantly, but there’s an edge to his tone, betraying his worry. Yoongi releases the wheel at once, switching to picking at the rips in his jeans instead.

“Didn’t notice. Sorry for snapping at you, I was just…” Yoongi trails off, expression glazing over once more. What was he trying? What was he doing here?

Jimin’s pupils flit all over Yoongi’s face, searching for something. “We’re not going to bring her home anymore?” he asks, but there’s a note of finality there. He knows that they aren’t going home with them tonight, at least not right now. They’ve been parked a block away from Namjoon’s childhood home for a few hours now, sitting in Yoongi’s car and waiting to see if you needed them to help you escape. Jimin has been watching Yoongi all the while, keeping track of the small changes in his friend’s expression.

They are hard to pinpoint sometimes, but Jimin sees them all. He sees the way Yoongi’s brow furrows slightly, sees the way his teeth nibble on his lips in worry, sees the way his head jerks every time he hears a sound, thinking that it might be his phone about to ring. Yoongi is like a pot about to boil over, hardly keeping everything together.

To many people, Yoongi often appears to be as unmoving as a rock. He hardly allows his emotions to control him, and he has always been proud to call himself a level-headed person. And for the most part, Jimin agrees with that. Yoongi is and always will be someone who thrives in times of turmoil, someone who relies on his wit to get him through adversity. He seldom gets angry, rarely raises his voice, never acts cruelly. He’s the person that everyone in their friend group often comes to for advice and support, as he’s always the one who seems to have the right thing to say.

But all those things begin to crumble, however, when it comes to you.

Yoongi is still human, too. He bends, he breaks, he yields—and he does so, especially for you.

“No, we’re not bringing her home,” Yoongi replies. The admission is there, hidden in plain sight. His words are laced with defeat, but it is a defeat that has been accepted long ago. Long before his text conversation with you.

“Then what are we waiting for?” Jimin asks, not unkindly. Even still, Yoongi winces. Jimin’s real question is there, hidden in plain sight as well. What are you waiting for?

Yoongi sighs, resting his forehead against the wheel. He hears Jimin shift in his seat, feels his presence get closer as he leans forward to place a comforting hand on his back. “Nothing,” he says. He breathes deeply through his nose and counts to three. Releases it. “We are waiting for nothing.”

Jimin hums and says nothing more. They sit there in silence for a bit longer, watching the sun’s final moments in the sky before the moon takes its place. The street lamps turn on, bathing the streets in its dusty yellow luminescence. Under the lights, Yoongi’s skin looks tired and worn, like a paper that has been crumpled and smoothed over multiple times.

“I wonder if they’ve finished speaking by now,” Yoongi says suddenly. He still hasn’t moved from his position, his face hidden from view. It almost looks like he hadn’t spoken at all, but Jimin had heard him. He looks at Yoongi in surprise but keeps his silence. Jimin can feel the beginnings of something about to break, and he is afraid that if he makes a sound, it might stop. Even stones break in the end.

“I doubt it. They have a lot of shit to talk about. Too much, in fact.” Yoongi sounds exhausted, his words slurring together like he’s falling asleep. But he’s never been more wide awake. “I’d have a lot to say if I were them. But I’m not them, nor will I ever be.”

Yoongi tilts his head high enough that he can rest his chin on the wheel instead. He stares blankly at the quiet street, listens intently to the sound of the wind beating gently against his car. Parked out there, in the middle of a small neighborhood in Ilsan, far away from the bustling streets of the city, he can almost trick himself into thinking that he’s the only person in the world—

“You love her.”

—but he isn’t alone.

Jimin says it without a shade of doubt. He says it like it's a simple truth of life, like there is no other possible way Yoongi could feel otherwise. The sky is blue. The earth is round. Min Yoongi is in love with you.

“Yes,” Yoongi breathes it out, the confession tumbling through his lips with quiet ease. It does not struggle; it does not resist. It just is. “I’ve loved her before I even knew it myself, I think.”

“I never thought you’d be the type to fall in love at first sight,” Jimin says it lightly, teasingly. There’s a shrivel of truth to it though, but Yoongi will deny it to his dying day; it’ll hurt less if he does.

“I think it started a year ago. When I was preparing for my junior year exhibition.” Yoongi remembers the long nights working until his hands bled, the recurring nightmares eating at his mind, the fear climbing his spine like a tightrope pulled taut. It’s one of the only times when he had bitten more than he could chew, piling impossible expectations onto himself. In those long three weeks of constant anxiety nipping at his heels, he had almost forgotten what it was like to be human. That is, until…

“She saved me. She taught me to slow down, to be compassionate to myself. She didn’t judge me or scold me or hurt me. She just… cared.” Yoongi exhales, clenching his eyes shut. He can see it in his head: your soft hands carding through his hair, whispering assurances and praise into his ears, guiding him to his bed and staying with him until he’d fallen asleep soundly for the first time in days. “Slowly but surely, I started to fall for her. There was just no other way. My heart refused to have it any other way,” he says.

Jimin hums. “I’d always guessed, but I never thought it was that early. You do have an awful habit of staring, hyung. Sometimes I feel like you have to remind yourself to blink.”

Yoongi laughs, hollow sounding. “I suppose I do.”

“Then why didn’t you do anything about it then?”

Jimin’s question is expected. It should be an easy one to answer, but Yoongi doesn’t quite know what to say. It’s easy to say that he knew Jungkook and you already loved each other long before he realized his feelings, and Yoongi was the last person on earth who would do anything to hurt either of you to fulfill his desires. It’s true, but it’s not the whole truth.

So instead, Yoongi responds, “It’s because I’m a hypocrite.” When he doesn’t elaborate, he sees Jimin give him a confused look from the rearview mirror.

Yoongi chuckles sardonically, shaking his head. His mouth feels like acid, as if bile had risen up his throat. It hurts, it hurts, it hurts, but it would hurt more later if he didn’t suck the poison out right here and now. “Nevermind about that. The point is, I lost my chance and I don’t regret it. Yeah, it fucking hurts like a bitch, but what am I going to do? Cry about it? We’ve all known since the beginning that if anyone is going to get a happy ending, it’s certainly not going to be me.”

“Don’t say that,” Jimin says, frowning slightly. He had spoken so sternly that it impelled Yoongi to straighten up in his seat and turn to stare at him. It’s quite unlike Jimin to be anything but friendly and kind, so seeing him so severe is disconcerting. Though, it did manage to shut Yoongi up immediately.

“This is not the end of the world. You are not going to end up unloved or forgotten. There are people who love you, people who will love you. Don’t you remember? Those were the same words you told me when I got my heart broken the first time,” Jimin says, his voice trembling ever so slightly. Yoongi’s gaze flies to Jimin’s fists, clenched tightly by his sides.

Of course, Yoongi remembers. It’s hard to forget the sight of Park Jimin sobbing relentlessly into his shoulder, fat tears falling like raindrops and down his flushed cheeks. He remembers saying the same words to you, too. He wonders, not for the first time, if his words are as ineffective to you as they are to him right now.

“I know,” Yoongi says. He switches the engine on and watches his dashboard light up. The radio turns on, the last notes of a ballad playing through the speakers. Yoongi puts his hand on the wheel, carefully not to grip too tightly this time. It’s a start, he thinks.

They go home, leaving without looking back.

x x x x x

October 1, 2020 — 9:20 PM

Kim Taehyung locks his bedroom door the moment he gets home, after casting a furtive glance at the closed door across from his. He does not know what he expects; the door across from him has been closed for almost a week now. The entire apartment is still, but he is not alone. The ghost who lives in the other bedroom still haunts him, in more ways than one.

He drops his bag to the floor, still cradling a small bouquet of camellias that was slightly crushed when he had bumped into someone in the elevator. He unpeels the plastic wrapping, gently placing them into the vase near his windowsill. He fingers the vibrant pink petals, but they don’t brighten his room the way they once did. It still feels dark, but he has a sinking suspicion that he had nothing to do with his lights.

It’s me. I’ve changed.

He shakes his head, banishing the thought. No, it’s okay. Everything is fine. You’ve done nothing wrong. And yet, the door across the hall begs to differ.

Typically, this shouldn’t be a problem for him. When everything is said and done, Taehyung is used to this happening. The closed doors, the unopened texts, the cold shoulders. It’s all a process that Taehyung has lived through for years.

Guilt: an emotion that Taehyung has become accustomed to. Abandonment: an action that Taehyung has learned to anticipate. Isolation: a lifestyle that Taehyung has mastered. Every relationship with Kim Taehyung will always lead to these three things, so it shouldn’t be affecting him the way that it is.

But over the last three years, he’d grown comfortable. The people around him had convinced him unknowingly, planting seeds of hope and optimism in a garden he had thought to be infertile. For once in his life, Taehyung had found a home in these people, and he’d do anything in his power to keep it safe.

Or at least, he thought he did.

His original intentions had been guileless; he wanted to help Jungkook because he was his friend. Jungkook had been his first friend in university—if he wanted to be honest, then Taehyung would even say that Jungkook was his first friend in his entire life. The boy was kind-hearted and supportive, wrapped perfectly with a goofy personality. Of course, Taehyung wasn’t blind to Jungkook’s faults, but he was sure that Jungkook didn’t have a mean bone in his body. He had decided back then that he could trust this one, and once he had allowed Jungkook into his life, the rest followed suit.

It was easy to empathize with Jungkook because he was just so… awkward. It was like watching a newborn fawn learning to walk for the first time, except Jungkook had long since outgrown his baby status and should have been independent long ago. Taehyung and everyone knew this about him, but they still gave him the benefit of the doubt. They mentored him, guided him, manipulated him in the wrong ways in hopes of hastening him to change. That was until…

Everything fell apart. Taehyung understood long before the fall that he had played a considerable part in Jungkook’s ruin. His negligence, his willful involvement in worsening the situation had exacerbated everything. He had ignored the signs, had barrelled through with his plans without another thought, all because he allowed himself to be blind to what he truly wanted out of this mess.

If he genuinely wanted to be a friend to Jungkook, he would’ve stopped interfering way before you had gone to Ilsan that one fateful weekend in August. He’d been aware he was doing more harm than good to everyone around him, including himself.

No, he stopped wanting to help Jungkook a long time ago. It had turned into his own personal agenda.

“Fuck!” Taehyung screams into the night sky, slamming his hands against the wall. He grabs the nearby vase, smashing it against the floor and scattering water, petals, and glass across the floor. The impact causes a few shards to imbed themselves into his shin, but he does not mind them, for he does not feel them.

He breathes heavily, gritting his teeth in unspeakable rage. He’s angry, so furious. This red hot searing rage builds up in his body until he starts to feel dizzy, his vision blurred with tinges of black. Why is he mad? Who is he mad at?

Is he mad at Jungkook? Yes, but that isn’t new. He’s been angry at Jungkook for a while now. It frustrates him to no end how lucky Jungkook is without even knowing. How easily love comes to him, how pain and misfortune had never been in his vocabulary until just recently. Jungkook had you, Yoongi, and Jimin for longer than he has. Jungkook has been swaddled in affection since the start but has always been too stupid to see. If he had just stopped being so cowardly, he could have easily gotten the person he loves without anyone’s help.

If he just learned to ask, if he just learned to stop fucking locking his goddamn door—

Just like Taehyung.

They are two sides of the same coin, and it scares him.

This raw, unadulterated rage is not about Jungkook, but himself. It was always about him.

He lets out one last defiant shout at the frigid sky before dropping to his bed in defeat. The fury subsides as quickly as it comes, but it only leaves a desolate landscape inside of him.

He does not know for how long he lies there. When he stands, he leaves bloody footprints in his wake. “Appropriate,” he mutters to himself. He limps over to his door, hobbling to the adjacent bathroom to retrieve a first-aid kit. When he opens the door, Taehyung does not notice the small white box placed in front of his doorway. He nearly trips over it, saving himself by latching onto the wooden frame. He glances down, picking up the box gingerly when he sees a small sticky note tacked on top of it.

If you need help, just knock.

Taehyung looks across the hall. The door is still closed, but the person behind it is not.

His grip on the first-aid kit tightens. The first step is always the hardest.

x x x x x

October 1, 2020 — 1:03 PM

When you had run the moment you spotted Jungkook, Jung Hoseok had chosen to stay behind. He had pushed Jungkook to go after you, had yelled at him when Jungkook had hesitated for that one split second.

“Go!” he shouted, jolting Jungkook to his senses. He sprinted off, but not before giving Hoseok one last look back. Hoseok put on his bravest smile at him, throwing a thumbs up. “Don’t give up yet!”

Even now, ten minutes later, his throat still feels scratchy from how loud he had been.

He sits by the curb where he had parked his parents’ car. Namjoon sits beside him, a few inches apart. The autumn wind sends chills down his back, the afternoon sun doing its best to keep him warm. Though, he reckons that half the cold is because of the weather.

Hoseok clears his throat at the same moment Namjoon does. They share a glance, the beginnings of a smile playing on their lips. They look back to the ground, avoiding each other once more. Hoseok taps indiscernible beats with his feet while Namjoon draws shapes in the air with his fingers.

Hoseok tries again. “Umm. Namjoon,” he mumbles tentatively. He doesn’t know where to start.

“You don’t have to explain yourself, you know. I’ve known you since before you even learned how to walk.” Namjoon beats him to it, like always. “I can guess what you want to say.”

Hoseok hazards a glance at him. His friend is tanner than he remembers, the summer months having done well on his skin. He almost giggles when he notices the line where the edge of his shirt sleeve meets his bicep, the stark contrast of color evident whenever Namjoon moves his arm. It has been a while since he has seen Namjoon with a tan line, as Hoseok was usually there to remind him to put sunscreen on before leaving the house.

Usually.

Hoseok sobers up, the momentary amusement evaporating just like that. How is it that in only one month, so many things have changed between them?

“What do you think I want to say?” Hoseok responds. He tries to keep his voice level and cool, but he knows that Namjoon notices the small ways in which he falters. Namjoon knows how he rubs his neck when he’s nervous, how his ears get red when he’s embarrassed. He memorizes the exact time it takes for Hoseok’s mouth to downturn, forming into his signature pout.

He knows all these things and more. And yet, how could Namjoon possibly know the traitorous things that he has done?

“I think… you got sidetracked,” Namjoon says slowly, carefully. When Hoseok glances at him again, he finds that Namjoon is looking back. He has a contemplative expression on his face, his jaw clenched in the same way that it does when he’s solving a tough problem. “I think you wanted to help me get together with her, didn’t you? At least, in the beginning.”

“I still do,” Hoseok admits, breaking his gaze once more. He stares up ahead, where the park is bustling with children and their families. He watches a small boy swinging on a swing set, while another boy pushes him higher and higher. “Do you remember?”

“Remember what?”

“When you texted me while you were freaking out over how you were falling in love with her?”

Namjoon huffs out a laugh, shaking his head. “Yeah. Of course. How could I forget? I’m still freaking out about it now.”

“I was just… worried about you, you know? I’m always worried about you,” Hoseok says. The boy on the swing set is still going, but one extra strong push from his friend causes him to tumble, landing face-first into the ground. The nearby adults begin to panic, but the boy rises unsteadily, dirt caked onto his scratched up face. But when he faces his friend, he’s smiling and laughing like he has just won the lottery.

“Not an unfounded concern,” Namjoon chuckles, causing Hoseok to put on a small smile. His laughter dies as quickly as it comes. “Was that the time you decided to help me?”

“I’ve wanted to help you since the beginning, but that was the first time I actually did something about it.” Hoseok’s heart is beating a mile a minute, his palms sweaty despite the chilly weather. “I only wanted to find out if Jungkook really liked her or not. I wanted to know if you had a chance before you fell any deeper because I didn't want you to get hurt.”

When Namjoon doesn’t say anything, Hoseok continues. “Even when he admitted that he did love her, I could sense that there was a huge chance things weren’t going to work between them as long as if some things were just… pushed in the right direction.” His voice grows smaller the more and more he speaks, the guilt feeling heavy against his windpipe. But Hoseok is determined to tell him, no matter what happens. It’s the least that Namjoon deserves.

“I suppose, in this case, it would be the wrong direction,” Namjoon hums, but he doesn’t appear angry or upset. Not yet, at least. From the corner of Hoseok’s eye, he sees him nod for him to go on.

“Yeah. I could tell he was insecure, and that insecurity was prone to growing into jealousy,” Hoseok runs a hand through his hair, tugging at the roots just to give his hands something to do other than to quiver. “I noticed that he shuts down whenever he’s cornered, so that’s what I did. I kept pushing him, forcing him to admit his wrongdoings but never berating him for them. So, in turn, he began relying on me for comfort instead of his friends.”

He keeps going, “I didn’t feel bad for it at first. I kept telling myself, ‘It’s all for Namjoon in the long run.’ But it didn’t take long for me to realize that I couldn’t keep helping you without hurting Jungkook in the process. I was manipulating this poor boy, and I didn’t even know it until it was too late.”

Hoseok waits for Namjoon to react. He can’t bear to look at him, far too ashamed even to consider turning. He’s sure he’ll find disgust in his kind friend’s eyes, and he isn’t sure if he’d be able to stop himself from running if he saw it. But Namjoon refuses to speak, probably not until Hoseok finishes his piece.

“Jungkook didn’t deserve what I did to him. All the things he did is nothing in comparison to the punishment I inflicted on him, especially when it was never my place to do so. I fed the monster inside of him when he was nothing but a boy who was just scared. Then, just when he still had a shot at redemption, when she was still willing to listen to him, it was also me who ruined everything. I told her about all the bad things he had done. I told her about—”

“The thing about Jungkook paying to spread that rumor,” Namjoon speaks so suddenly that Hoseok nearly chokes in surprise. He had been so quiet that he scarcely even seemed to breathe. “You told her about it, didn’t you?”

“I… Yes, I did. She told you about it?”

“Yeah. She never informed me who told her, but I suppose it makes sense. But there was something else you said, wasn’t there? Something even she wouldn’t tell me.”

Hoseok nods his head sadly. “Yes. I think she was probably more hurt to find out that Jungkook had been ignoring her in favor of hanging out with me. Indirectly, I fed into her jealousy, but instead of comforting her, I intensified her guilt.”

Beside him, Namjoon releases a shaky breath. “You brought me up.”

“Yes.” There’s no use denying it; after all, Hoseok has always been a terrible liar.

“Did you tell her..?” The question hangs heavily in the air, but Namjoon doesn’t have to finish it for Hoseok to understand.

“No, I didn’t tell her you love her. I just mentioned how she was hurting you by loving Jungkook. That’s all. I don’t think she even had the chance to understand what I meant.”

There’s a moment of silence. The two boys sit side by side, looking to all the world like friends just enjoying an autumn afternoon together. The sounds of children singing, of parents chatting, of lovers laughing try their best to fill the space, but the gap is already too big to mend. At least, not immediately.

“Okay.”

Hoseok startles once more, this time managing to gather enough courage to take a peek at Namjoon. He keeps his eyes low, staring at the mole on his chin. “Okay?” he repeats.

Namjoon shrugs half-heartedly. “It’s done. All we can do now is wait, I guess.”

“But… you’re not..?”

“Mad at you? No, I’m not. Am I hurt? Incredibly so.” Namjoon swallows thickly, his chin wobbling as he finds the strength to keep his tears at bay. “But I can tell you found your way back to the light, and I’m more relieved that you realized your mistake more than anything. I forgive you, but just know that I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forget.”

“That’s already more than I deserve, Joon,” he says shakily. He feels a hand snake around his own, and he looks down to find their fingers laced together. On Namjoon’s wrist, the bracelet he had made for him in the 7th grade is frayed and mangled, but still ever-present. “But… what now? If they truly end up fixing everything, will you be okay with it? If Jungkook is still fighting for her… why aren’t you?”

“Same goes for you, I suppose,” Namjoon says simply. He doesn’t explain what he means by that, but Hoseok is honestly too afraid to ask. He’s always felt like Namjoon knew a little bit too much about things that he shouldn’t. He smiles, but there is a tinge of melancholy there. 

Just out of reach, the way Namjoon has always seemed to be.

x x x x x

October 1, 2020 — 5:12 PM

At first, Jeon Jungkook is surprised to find the park more empty than when he was here a few hours ago. He supposes it is only to be expected, as dinner time is fast approaching and all the families have returned to their homes, preparing for the festivities. In another life, he might have been one of those families, sitting around a table with his brother and parents and eating to his heart’s content. Perhaps he might’ve asked you to join him, just like you had in the past.

He finds you seated on one of the benches near the entrance, kicking away fallen leaves absentmindedly. He takes this moment to observe you from afar, his breath getting caught in his throat when he realizes how long it has been since he last saw you.

His heart aches, the constant heaviness that has made a home in his chest growing tenfold. There are no words to explain the plethora of emotions flying through his head, but all he knows is that at the root of it all, he simply just misses you.

You hear him approach him before you see him. When he looks at you, Jungkook doesn’t know how you’re feeling. He used to be so good at anticipating your mood, always the first one to sense when you were upset or annoyed. Now, you just looked… blank, and for some reason, that hurts to see more than if you had been angry.

Jungkook stops right in front of you, his black boots crunching on dead leaves. You motion for him to take a seat beside you, patting the bench lightly.

“Hi. It’s been a while,” you say softly. You aren’t looking at him, and your hair obstructs him from viewing your face.

“Hello,” he replies, feeling dumb. He can’t think of anything better to say, all the things he had prepared in his mind suddenly blown away with the wind. The sight of you alone makes his mouth go dry, his hands to grow cold and clammy. He realizes, not for the first time, how terribly out of his depth he is.

“This has certainly been a long time coming, hasn’t it?”

“It has been,” he agrees. “It’s almost laughable how long it’s taken us to get to this moment.”

You bark out a laugh, the hoarse sound ringing in the air. “Laughable is certainly one way to put it, I guess.”

“Then why did you ignore me for so long? Why did you suddenly shut me out when you told me you wanted to talk? What happened?” He speaks without meaning to, the words flying out of his mouth before he can think of stopping. If his sudden inquiry startles you, you don’t show it.

“I could ask you the same thing.” You shrug, pushing back some of your hair behind your ear. He can see the slope of your nose, the outline of your lips, the shape of your eyes. He memorizes all these things about you, sees you in his dreams and nightmares, but nothing can ever beat real life.

“I’m sorry.” It’s a start: two words heavy with meaning. What does he apologize for first? The rumors? The jealousy? The betrayal? It wouldn’t matter which one he chooses to tackle first because he already knows sorry isn’t going to cut it, but he has to try at least. This isn’t really about him anymore or about asking for forgiveness. You deserve to know everything he’s done—if you wanted to know, that is.

You blink rapidly, but your eyes are dry. “I know.”

“You don’t have to forgive me.”

“I know.”

“You don’t have to trust me.”

“I don’t,” you say, and it hurts the both of you when you do. Jungkook feels his insides clench, feels his heart collapse in his chest. “I don’t trust you, Jungkook,” you repeat.

“I…” Jungkook has to take a few shuddering breaths, his vision going blurry as he tries to keep it together. He waits for the pain to ebb, but it flows like a river down his veins. “I hurt you a lot. It’s only right that you don’t trust me.”

“I have a lot of regrets,” you say, sniffling. You still aren’t crying, but your nose is red from the cold. He wonders how long you had sat here waiting for him to arrive. How long have you been waiting for him in general?

“I have a lot of those, too,” he says. “I regret being unfair to you. For keeping people away from getting close to you, like a property meant to be hidden away. I tried to steal you for myself, but that’s not a very good thought, is it? I shouldn’t have thought that you were a thing to be kept. You should have been someone I treasured.”

“Then why didn’t you treasure me?” The question echoes loudly in Jungkook’s ears, as it’s the very same question that has weighed in his mind the moment he started to wonder where he’d gone wrong. Why hadn’t he loved you the way that he should have?

“Because I abused your love for me, even when I wasn’t aware of it,” he says plainly. He has known the answer for a while now but refused to accept it until this moment. It feels like a cork inside of him has burst, releasing all the foul, wretched things inside of him and out into the open. And once they start tumbling out, he doesn’t think he’ll be able to stop.

“I think we both knew we loved each other for as long as we can remember. We skirted around each other because we were scared of change, of losing the friendship we had built over the years. We purposefully ignored each other’s feelings and brushed off our friends’ attempts to help us realize something we already knew.”

“We did,” you say. “That was both our faults.”

“But I was never good at bottling up my feelings. It was only a matter of time before the love I had for you began to grow claws and fangs, and somehow along the way,” he pauses, a breath of sorrowful laughter escaping him, “I had gotten lost.”

Your expression morphs then, shifting from pain, to grief, to acceptance. You open your mouth, but nothing comes out. Your eyes look glazed over, like your mind is somewhere else. When you come back down, you already have another question for him. “Why didn’t you ever ask me out?”

He should just say something else, but he can’t help but wonder—”Why didn’t you?”

“I tried—a couple of times. You never noticed they were dates,” you shrug. A leaf from one of the nearby trees gets caught in your hair, and Jungkook reflexively plucks it out. You both freeze when his fingers graze your nape, gazes locking with one another. He jerks his hand back, but doesn’t look away—doesn’t dare to.

(It might be his last chance.)

“I’m sorry for being dense. For resorting to buying rumors so that I could pretend to date you when I could have asked for the real thing. I’m sorry for setting you up with… Namjoon,” he hesitates on his name, and you notice. “It must have confused you greatly, only worsening the doubt you must’ve had for me.”

“It did.” The corners of your eyes look wetter than before, tears dangerously close to the surface. “When I asked you if I should go to Ilsan the first time... You told me to go, even though everyone told me you were jealous of Namjoon. I was starting to believe them, hoping that maybe it was a sign that everything before then had just been a misunderstanding. But that was all you, wasn’t it? Why didn’t you tell me to stay?”

“It was a mistake,” he mutters. He shakes his head at the memory: a frequent recurring nightmare of his as he is forced to remember the moment everything had started to go downhill. “I had realized I was being a jealous asshole far too late, and I was trying to clear my own conscience. I thought that… if I let you go, then you’d think better of me. That I might be absolved of my sins if I took your trip as my penance. I didn’t think you were trying to see if I would stop you,” he explains, but it sounds like an excuse even to his ears.

You sit together, watching the sun begin to set, bathing the world in its orange hues. Jungkook feels empty, wrung out like a towel left to dry. The wounds inside him ache and throb, but he knows they won’t last. As surely as the sun will rise, he will also relearn to feel whole again—even if it means you won’t be there to see it.

“I waited for so long, Koo.” You shake your head, allowing a few traitorous tears to fall. You let out a watery laugh. “ I waited for this moment for so long, but I never imagined it would be like this.”

Jungkook studies his hands. He desperately wants to hold you one more time, but the ship has already sailed. “We’ve already sailed past each other a long time ago.”

You nod your head sadly. “We have.”

“Is it bad that I wish that we hadn’t?” he whispers, but he doesn’t really expect a response from you. He rubs his face, covertly trying to wipe his tears away. “I guess there’s a reason why you called me number two, huh?”

You can’t even force out a laugh. You sob unabashedly, cupping your face in your hands. This is the end.

This is the end of a great long adventure between you and him—the time for your roads to diverge closes in, like a shadow looming over their heads.

Jungkook wraps you in an embrace for the last time. You shake like a leaf in his arms, clutching at his chest like you don’t want to let go. He drinks you in, tries to commit everything about you to his memory. “Thank you for loving me, even if it didn’t work out. Thank you for being my first love.”

x x x x x

October 1, 2020 — 7:07 PM

Kim Namjoon opens the door to his childhood home the moment he hears footsteps climbing up the stairs. He’d done so numerous times already, spooking one or two of his neighbors at his sudden appearance. This time, however, he finds the person he had been waiting for.

“Oh, Y/N. Thank god,” he sighs in relief when he sees you, rushing out the door just as you finish taking the last stairstep. You wobble in surprise when you notice him, nearly falling over with a scream before he catches you by the waist to keep you steady. He pulls you close, pressing your face gently into his chest.

“I’m so sorry for everything. I’m so sorry for bringing you to Ilsan even though Yoongi told us not to go. I’m sorry for not telling you that I knew Jungkook and Hoseok were coming here, too. I’m so sorry for—”

“Namjoon,” you try to interrupt him, but he keeps going.

“—wanting you and Jungkook to reconcile even if you didn’t want you to leave me. You just looked so sad all the time, and I knew you needed to speak to him at least one more time so that you could find closure, but I should have asked you first like a decent person—”

“Namjoon,” you repeat. Namjoon pauses long enough to see that our eyes are red-rimmed from crying, further increasing the panic rising in his body.

“Oh god, I didn’t want you to be sadder! I just… God! I just wanted to help you for once, because you always helped me with everything. I know you deserve to make your own decisions, to be your own person, but I ignored that in favor of following my stupid gut—”

“Joonie, the neighbors can hear you,” you hiss, furtively glancing at the doors opening around them. You can feel many eyes on you, watching curiously at the red-faced idiot babbling like a man possessed. You motion for him to stop, but he’s too caught up in the moment.

“For a while, I thought I could stop myself from falling in love with you, but it was so hard! You have to understand how impossible it is not to love you. Believe me, I tried!” Namjoon all but shouts the last part out, shaking you by the shoulders. “I don’t deserve you! I’m just not a good boyfriend! I’m insecure to a fault, I’m boring, I have mild sleep apnea, I forget to throw out the empty milk cartons—”

You yelp as he continues to shake you, gently having to pry his hands off of you to save yourself from being shaken like a bobblehead. “Joonie,” you say, firmer this time.

He rambles and rambles and rambles. He couldn’t stop even if he wanted to, hands gesticulating wildly like a human helicopter. He’s so wrapped up in his monologue that he doesn’t realize immediately when you take his hands in yours, forcing him to keep still.

“Joonie.”

“—and I’ve never been able to hold a relationship for longer than two months! My past girlfriend even left me after cheating on me the entire time—”

“Joonie.”

“I’ve never been good at being vulnerable and being myself, but you somehow managed to make me feel like I was worth something. You made me feel so so so incredibly loved. You made me feel important!”

“Kim Namjoon!” You shout, finally losing your temper and flicking him on the forehead. That finally manages to stop him, his eyes going cross-eyed like a cartoon character. You could almost see the flying stars orbiting his head. Properly silenced now, you push him back into his apartment, kicking the door with your foot before locking it for good measure.

When you turn back to face him, he’s still frozen where you left him. He stands in the middle of his living room like a robot, his mouth slightly agape as if his wires had been fried. Rolling your eyes goodnaturedly, you pull him to the couch, gently guiding him so that he doesn’t accidentally fall on his ass as he continues to short circuit in front of you. It takes him another whole minute to get his bearings together, but you’re a patient person. You sit in the adjacent armchair and wait for him to speak.

“Oh my god.” He swallows awkwardly, the color draining from his face. “What the hell did I do?”

“Welcome back to earth,” you smile, waving a hand in front of him. “Did you miss me?”

“I always miss you.” It seems as though Namjoon’s weird candor spell is still in effect. He has the presence of mind to be embarrassed this time, however, and you watch amusedly as his cheeks begin to redden. “I, umm…”

“Gave quite a show out there. I didn’t know you could rap,” you tease, your mouth curling up into a smile. The muscles in your cheeks feel sore, almost as if it has been ages since you last used them. This morning feels like it had happened eons ago.

“Sorry. I just… had a lot to say,” he replies lamely. He hangs his head, embarrassed to look you in the eye. “So… I’m guessing you spoke to Jungkook?”

He hears you hum in agreement, but you don’t say anything on the matter. Namjoon has never been one to pry, but his overactive brain can’t help but make connections out of nothing, trying to make sense of the world in desperation.

“I’m guessing you’re here to reject me, right? I’m sorry for confessing to you all of a sudden when you’re already spoken for. It was unfair of me, and you don’t need to try and spare my feelings at all. I’ve been prepared for this since August,” he speaks rapidly, nearly losing his breath in his haste. “It was my fault for thinking we could have happened. I mistook your kindness for reciprocation when I should have known better—”

“Joonie, my love. You’re rambling again.” Your voice snaps him back to reality. He turns redder somehow, sinking deep into his seat.

“S-sorry.”

“Stop apologizing,” you huff, pouting in annoyance, but Namjoon catches the fondness in your eyes. “You aren’t unfair at all.”

“E-even so,” he stutters, heart hammering in his chest. “I shouldn’t have expected anything to happen between us. We were only going to fake date until the end of Chuseok, so it was foolish of me to try and… replace Jungkook, somehow. But I suppose, in the grand scheme of things… he’s a tough act to follow up to, huh? Seven years of loving someone is a long time. I don’t hold a candle to that,” he says dejectedly.

“But you do.” The words slip out before you can stop them. Your eyes widen, shocked by your own admission. Even so, you know what you said is true, and you wouldn’t take it back even if you could. 

For a moment, you think he doesn’t hear it when he doesn’t react. It takes a second for his brain to buffer, but Namjoon had heard you, loud and clear.

“What do you mean?” His tone is soft, hesitant. Afraid, but hopeful.

You shrug your shoulders. You want to tell him everything, but you are impossibly tired, your eyelids like sandbags just waiting to fall. Namjoon must have noticed because he stumbles out of his seat with his arms outstretched, ready to keep you from slumping over.

“Woah, there. I’m sorry for interrogating when you must be exhausted. Do you want to take my bed instead of the couch tonight?” he asks, kneeling in front of you.

You blink sleepily at him, nodding with a large yawn. “I wanna talk to you but I’m tired,” you say, before promptly toppling onto him. He doesn’t flinch at your weight, catching you in an instant. He lets you nestle your face into his neck, and he grabs your arms until they’re laced around his shoulders. Slowly, he gets up with you in his arms, a feeling of weightlessness filling your senses. Safe.

When he tucks you into his bed, the sheets smell familiar and homey. Namjoon sits by the edge, brushing a few strands of hair away from your forehead. “Namjoon?” Your voice sounds muted to your own ears, as if you were underwater. But you don’t feel like you’re drowning, not at all.

“Yes?” He watches you with kind eyes, the same ones he has always had. To you, he looks like a prayer come to life, a promise ready to be fulfilled.

“You’ll be here? When I wake up?”

Namjoon exhales out a laugh, smiling sweetly. I love your dimples, you want to say, but your body feels heavy. Tomorrow. You’ll tell him for sure.

“Yes, Y/N. I’ll always be here. For as long as you want.”

You close your eyes. Tomorrow.

It’s a promise.