#I have to make this post to give credit where it’s due bc if I don’t I will feel a lot worse about never shutting up about my own version of
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damthosefandoms · 12 days ago
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also if anyone is wondering why so many of us have gone insane over tex and also the dally-mark-tex brothers au go read this fic by @your-unfriendlyghost and you’ll get it
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makotonaegiunderstander · 1 year ago
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something I’ve been thinking abt is how many people think Makoto is immune to despair. I don’t think he is. I think becoming the ultimate Hope was BECAUSE he felt despair. He wouldn’t have fully reached that point without Junko. Makoto becoming such a beacon was his last attempt to avoid completely falling and it wasn’t because he didn’t feel despair, it was because he was too damn stubborn to allow everything to go to waste and he refused to sacrifice his beliefs for someone else’s. His inner monologue tells me he DID experience the same new low the other suvivors did in the final trial, but at the point where he had the choice to give up and die, he looked at the others and he looked at Junko and he couldn’t allow it to happen, not out of self preservation, but because the idea that Junko would have control over their lives made him FURIOUS. and that utter refusal to die kicked in, wether luck or otherwise, and he made the concious effort for one last push while something in him was breaking. He had to be broken in order for the Ultimate Hope to come through so aggressively, bc it could only exist in the face of the Ultimate Despair. He snapped the same way she did, but in the other direction. In what could have been his final moments he chose to embody everything Junko wasn’t, and every single optimistic and luck fueled ideal in him suddenly charged forward and pushed him. It was a combination of the final straw and a choice. Makoto isn’t immune to feeling despair, he’s just too stubborn to fall into it of his own volition. I think that’s why I like that scene in DR3 so much. People were SO SHOCKED Makoto actually fell for the tape, that he actually became despair for a moment. I saw people getting mad or disappointed, saying it was pathetic and Makoto seemed to fall from some sort of pedestal for them. Honestly part of me wonders if that sort of mentality, which clearly people had in universe, affected Makoto a bit. Like he started to see himself as less of a person, subconsciously. Prompting him to take more risks, less self preservation, act way more bold. It seems he has to be reminded a lot not to put himself in danger by his friends, to not do something too reckless. All over the place I would see in regards to that scene either this frivolous ‘oh this was just angst drama with no meaning behind it’ or ‘he can do better than that. he’s so weak’ or ‘come on, there’s no way he’d fall into despair, he’s the Ultimate Hope!’ This kind of mentality, which was kind of ironic considering Ryota was there the entire time saying the same thing and treating Makoto the same way. Like Makoto was superhuman. Like Makoto didn’t feel despair the same way ‘normal people’ did. In a way that was also how Munakata saw Makoto. Makoto stopped being a PERSON to the world when he became Ultimate Hope, he became a concept, a belief system, much the same way Junko ascended beyond herself. But the difference is that treating Makoto that way is the opposite of the reason Makoto became such a representative for hope. He wasn’t doing something no one else could. He was doing something everyone had the chance to, he just… was a little more optimistic, a little more stubborn, a little more ‘gung-ho’ about things. He just took the lead where no one else did, where no one else knew they even COULD in the face of Junko’s unstoppable force. She had overcome the biggest threats and obstacles in the world, what could one person do? And the answer Makoto found was, anything. Everything. It doesn’t all rest on Makoto, he’s just the one that was inspired to try to do what seemed like the impossible. But as evidenced by the change in his friends after that trial, it’s clearly not something only Makoto is capable of. The others pulled out of despair thanks to Makoto, but it was their choice to do so.
“But… this world is so huge, and we’re so small. What can we do…? No, we can probably do anything. Yeah! We can do anything!”
#makoto naegi#Danganronpa character analysis#Danganronpa#danganronpa thh#danganronpa future arc#I fucking love Makoto Naegi man.#I think there’s a fine line of nuance to Makoto that’s easy to miss bc he doesn’t really make it known#he’s not a pushover and he’s not overpowered. he’s a people pleaser but he will say what needs to be said#he’s an immovable object and the exact opposite of Junko but he’s also just a normal guy who’s optimistic and (un)lucky#he isn’t invincible but he has immense power to his words the same way Junko did#if anything his superpower is being kind above all else. he’s compassionate to some of the worst people in the world.#he was even conpassionatr to an extent to Junko. he didnt want her to kill herself despite everything she’s done#and he still acknowledges that for years she was a classmate and friend.#I do think the more he learned abt what she did the more he’s come to actually hate her though#post the first game he always refers to her without a suffix to her name which is one of the most subtle rude things you can do#it means you have zero respect for the person you’re referring to#and he speaks about her with some venom he doesn’t use for anyone else in the future arc#he’s not incapable of feeling negative emotions#I really liked the future arc scene bc it showed that Makoto DID experience enough despair to have overcome him if he didn’t refuse#and that it still affects him deeply. people treat him like he’s either this perfect ideal Chad or this baby chick who’s so delicate#and no one really focuses on how makoto shoulders so much and yet is still vulnerable.#honestly that guy was DUE for a mental breakdown even without the tape. it would have happened eventually#I actually wrote one based on him finally hitting a breaking point after giving so much of himself away and keeping nothing for himself#that his issues that he shoves down constantly finally can’t be held down anymore. Hajime helps him bc he knows how that feels#it was a LONG time ago that I wrote that but honestly if I can remember where i was going w it I might finish it#it was initially an rp but I could make it a fic#anyway. the point is Makoto is SO much more complex than people give him credit for#the most fundamental thing about him is that he’s normal and that’s ok! that’s what helps him rise!
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burnyourtrains · 9 months ago
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She said call me a monsterfucker the way I monster fuck her
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nickfowlerrr · 1 month ago
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something good and true - part 1
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part two / part three / part four
pairing: mob boss!bucky barnes x reader
warnings (for all parts in whole): 18+ only. domestic violence. retelling of abuse and battery. minor character death mentioned. angst. sweet and protective bucky. fluff. not sure if this qualifies as a slow burn or not 👀 smut. there’s a happy ending! (as per usual)
words: 4.5k
notes: this fic was supposed to be posted last year for suz’s blind date writing challenge but clearly that is not what happened. a year later and some thousands+ words over the maximum allowed (in total), i was finally able to wrap this thing up. i’m posting in parts bc it’s just so long and ahhh i’m sorry i didn’t follow your rules suz @targaryenvampireslayer 😭 and honest to god there is absolutely no expectation for you to read or even acknowledge this! i just want to give credit where credit is due and so this, my first mob boss!fic, is all thanks to the mob boss au prompt you had given to me! so thank you - and sorry again 🫢 dialogue used: “Does it make you nervous when I stare?”. thank you in advance for reading, i’d be happy to hear your thoughts! as always, comments and reblogs are welcome and so appreciated. 🩵
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He’s staring again. You can feel it. The heat creeps up your spine as your heart begins to beat a little faster. The feeling has become quite familiar. It’s been two months of this. You had a feeling he’d be back, but really you hoped he’d have just let it go by now. It’s not like you thought any of this through, though… Of course there’d be consequences; and none worse, you’re sure, than the ones he could dish out.
It’s not your fault, you try to remind yourself. It’s not. You finish wiping off the table of the newly vacated booth, tucking the cash tip left for you in your pocket, before you turn around.
You steel yourself, taking a strong breath before you start to walk toward his private booth. You’re not stupid, you know the only reason he comes here is for you, he told you as much himself. And everyone else knows that too as the place has become nearly empty since his arrival. Even your coworkers aren’t bustling about. You don’t know if you prefer having the audience or not. You don’t blame anyone for their fleeing, though. After all the stories you’d heard about the man, you always made yourself scarce in his presence, too.
Until the faithful night he requested you at his table by name… You sigh, it seems you no longer have the luxury of avoidance.
You remember that night well. The first time you formally met the infamous mob boss, James ‘Bucky’ Barnes.
You remember how it felt like your blood turned to ice in your very veins when Molly uttered your name with worried eyes, “Mr. Barnes is asking for you specifically,” she had whispered as she peaked into the kitchen where you’d fled when you heard he was being sat at his rarely used, always reserved table.
You felt sick. Like a lead weight was dropped in your stomach. You wrung your hands until it hurt before you finally nodded. You were sure she could see the fear in your eyes when you looked at her. “O-okay. I’ll be right there,” you’d nodded. You had to swallow down the bile threatening to creep up your throat. He knows, you’d thought. He has to know. That’s why he’s here. That’s why he’s looking for you. You were breathing hard and heavy and you could feel the tears welling in your still sensitive eyes. You were caked in makeup, had been all week, to hide the bruises that marred all over your face. It wasn’t anything unusual. But there was an eerie comfort you felt in knowing once they were finally gone this time, you wouldn’t have to see yourself like that again.
You were in a long sleeve so you knew he wouldn’t be able to see the marks along your arms, and unless he had X-ray vision he wouldn’t be able to see the contusions littered all over your body either. You had a brace on your wrist but it wasn’t too noticeable under the sleeve… Okay, you breathed. You can do this. Deny, deny, deny. You don’t even truly know what he’s here for. You shouldn’t freak yourself out before you’ve even seen him.
You exhaled a shaky breath before you reached for the kitchen door.
It was dead silent as you entered the dining hall and it only added to the compounding fear and anxiety growing inside you.
You approached his table cautiously, too nervous to make direct eye contact as you held your pen and pad in hand.
“Good evening, sir, - uhm, Mr. Barnes,” you corrected yourself, “can I get you started with something to-“
“I’m not here for drinks or the mediocre food, doll,” he stopped you easily, unnervingly calm.
You chanced a glance at him and his deep blue gaze had you swallowing hard.
You didn’t know how to respond, so you stayed quiet as he stared at you. Like he knew something. Like he knew you knew something.
“Hm,” he considered you for a moment longer before nodding, “ya know, I think you know why I’m here.”
“I-“, you shook your head almost imperceptibly, “I don’t,” was all you could muster as your eyes were now glued to him. You couldn’t will yourself to look away. You were too terrified.
He licked his lip seemingly out of habit before he spoke again.
“Where’s your boyfriend?” He asked, sounding exasperated, bored of the interaction already as he tilted his head at you.
You stiffened at the question, your heart threatening to beat out of your chest.
“I don’t-“
“You do.” He stopped you again, the certainty in his voice leaving no room to deny his accusation. His eyes cutting into you as you stood before him, defenseless. You felt like you couldn’t breathe but you couldn’t just stand there looking terrified. You had to work up your voice and it came out quiet, but Bucky was listening, and watching you, intently.
“I don’t know where Freddy is,” you said, voice low, trying to keep the tremor from it as you finally felt your eyes sting, the fear and pain catching up to you as you blinked the would be tears away before a single one fell. “And he’s not my boyfriend,” you swallowed, “anymore.”
“No?”
“No. We broke up…about a month ago.”
“That’s interesting…” he hummed. “Why did someone see his car at your place the other week, then, huh?”
You winced at the images that ran through your mind as you thought back to that day, the one you knew he was referring to.
“He came over, to talk,” you forced out, no longer looking at the man before you. “But nothing came from it,” you added quickly, “and he left. I haven’t seen him since. Haven’t heard from him, I don’t know where he is.”
You didn’t look at him but by the weight of his gaze you knew he wasn’t buying what you were selling.
“What happened here?” he asked, reaching for your hand.
You were quite literally frozen to your spot as he grabbed your hand in his. His touch was the most gentle you’d experienced in a long while and it sent an unexpected hum through you. You watched your hand in his as he pulled you just the tiniest bit closer to him and the table. He inched up your sleeve to see more of the brace on your wrist and when he moved to raise your sleeve further up your arm, your body finally moved into action. You yanked your hand back, as if his touch had burned you, keeping him from seeing anything more than the brace.
“Fell,” you answered shortly. “I’m sorry, Mr. Barnes, but I don’t know what else to tell you. I don’t know where he is. And to be perfectly honest, I don’t really care.”
You met his eye once more, feeling a little safer as the words came easily. It wasn’t a complete lie. You really didn’t know where he was. And you certainly didn’t care. Despite the scrutiny of the mob boss’ gaze, you didn’t feel nearly as scared as you had before he touched your hand. Something about the softness there… You wouldn’t dwell on it.
“If there’s nothing else,” you added, though it was definitely more of an unspoken question than anything. You weren’t as scared but you weren’t stupid either. You wouldn’t be going anywhere until he dismissed you.
He smirked, huffing a laugh as he watched you.
“You hear from him, I’d be grateful to know,” he slipped his hand into his coat pocket and took out a business card, placing it on the table as he flicked his sharp eyes up to you once more, moving to pull out his wallet next. You watched as he slipped out two bills and blanched as he put them down on the table, moving the card so it sat on the money.
Your breath caught in your throat as he stood from his seat, standing right in front of you as you took in his build and stature. Everything about him screamed success, power, and authority and the two hundreds he left on the table were nothing more than chump change to him, you were sure.
“Just so you know, doll,” he spoke lowly, “I will find him, one way or another,” he took a step closer to you, “and if you think you’re protecting him by not telling me the truth, I promise you’re not.” He held your gaze and you were terrified he could see straight into your soul with how intent it was, “What’s even worse, is he knows we know all about you. He doesn’t care if he’s putting you in harm’s way or not… Forgive me for saying, but nice girl like you, you deserve a hell of a lot better than that. So, if you think of anything you might wanna tell me, my number’s right there,” he said looking back over to the card and money on the table. “That’s your tip. You enjoy your night, sweetheart. I’ll be seeing you.”
His words weren’t a threat, but a promise.
He would be seeing you. Didn’t always call you to his table, sometimes just observed you while you worked, but every week without fail from that day on, he would be at the restaurant.
You never called him, you didn’t have anything to say. You wouldn’t tell him the truth, no, you couldn’t tell him the truth. He was half right, you were protecting someone. But it wasn’t Freddy.
You breathe another strong sigh as you get closer to him and once you’re at the table, you don’t say a word, only meeting his brilliant and pointed gaze.
There’s something different about him tonight, something unnerving in his stare that you take notice of right away. You work to keep your calm but you’re not sure how convincing your faux headstrong demeanor is tonight.
He lets the silence between you grow for a moment longer before finally, he speaks.
“Does it make you nervous when I stare?”
His voice is like honey, smooth and rich with that familiar lilt as his lips quirk up just at the corner of his mouth. It warms you while he holds your eye. There’s unspoken tension between you two as you stand so close yet so far, it’s been brewing since your first meeting and has only grown with each interaction since. You’ve never named it, but you couldn’t deny it if you’d wanted to. You haven’t felt your tummy flutter like this since…you can’t remember when.
Surely he knows what his gaze does to anyone, you’re no exception. But the nerves you feel under the weight of his stare are twofold - not all due to fear, but to flustering.
You haven’t responded, but you’ve held his eye in the silence. He smirks at you before gesturing to the open space across from him.
“Why don’t you take a seat, sweetheart.”
It sounds like an invitation, but you know it’s more than that.
It’s an instruction.
You look around briefly, as if someone might stop you or get you in trouble - but that’s laughable when you’re standing next to, arguably, the most feared and respected man this city has ever seen. Standing. Why is he standing? You realize suddenly he’s still waiting for you to move.
You do as he said and gingerly sit down across from him. He retakes his own seat as you settle. How chivalrous.
“I’ll get right to it,” he starts, his deep blue eyes never leaving you, “Freddy-“
God, that name. You can’t hold your tongue. You know it’s why he’s here but you don’t want to talk about this. You just want this to be over!
“Like I told you the last time, and the time before, and the time before, and every other time you’ve asked, I haven’t seen him.” You cut him off without thinking. But you really can’t have the same conversation again. You can’t keep having to think about him. About that night. You're at your wits end - you don’t want to have to so much as hear his name again. You don’t catch yourself in the moment but it hits you when you’re done talking that you just spoke to Bucky in such a familiar way…someone walking past might wonder who exactly you are to him. Clearly you’ve forgotten your place, gotten a little too comfortable around him.
You look up from where you watch yourself wring your hand and shamefully meet his eye again. You inhale and start to apologize but he doesn’t give you the chance.
His hand is on yours before you realize he’s even moving and you flinch a second late, his gentle touch already on you, stilling your nervous habit.
His eyes soften as he makes you meet his gaze, his thumb gently rubbing your fidgety hand.
You swallow hard and watch as he blinks away the previous softness in his gaze, his familiar confident twinkle back as he speaks,
“I know,” he nods, his hand still on yours. He’s closer as he leans across the table. “I found him.”
Your breath catches and your face falls. Fuck fuck fuck.
What does that mean? What does he know? You’re on the verge of having a complete freak out and god he can probably see it written all over your face. You feel a squeeze of your hand and are brought back into your body, into this very moment.
“Don’t look so sick, sweetheart,” he says, a half smile on his lips. “You don’t have anything to worry about, you or your old man.”
Your heart drops at the mention of your father and Bucky must see it because he leans closer still, now holding your hand in his. It’s strangely comforting, but more so is the look in his eyes. The sincerity there, and the hard edge of protection.
You want to believe him but you’ve been gullible before.
“I just wanna know the whole story. I know pretty much what went down, some things I think can safely be assumed, but I wanna hear your narrative, just to get the full picture and get this whole mess squared away, yeah?”
The way he’s looking deeply into your shining eyes, the intimate gaze and soft touch as it seems like he’s trying to keep you calm, you can’t speak much but you give him a quiet, “yeah.”
He nods and you feel a single tear slip down your cheek. He slowly raises his hand, and your eyes are glued to him as he makes sure you watch his movements. Like he’s trying to reach out to a scared little puppy, he reaches to gently touch your cheek. You don’t flinch but as his hand makes contact with your skin, your eyes shut as you try and suppress a shudder.
“No tears, sweetheart,” he tells you in a soothing timbre as he wipes it from your cheek. “You’re too pretty to cry over a loser like that,” he adds with a soft smile.
You shake your head, “He’s not why I’m-“
“I know,” he cuts you off. “Look at me,” he orders gently.
You do as he says and slowly meet his eye. “You don’t have anything to worry about, ya hear me? Not the police, not my men, and certainly not me. Got it?”
You know you’re staring at him like he’s crazy, but you do understand what he’s saying. It takes you a second but you force yourself to nod.
“Good.”
His touch is still on you as his eyes trail all over your face before he lets his hand slip away.
“Alright, you wanna do this tonight or tomorrow night?”
You’re momentarily stunned. You definitely don’t want to do this tonight. You just need to get through the last two hours here and then you’re headed home to unravel in your own space. But tomorrow…
“Tomorrow’s Valentine’s Day,” you point out, sounding unsure.
“What,” he sniffs, looking at you once again, “you got plans?”
“I, I have work,” you answer dumbly after a second.
“Not anymore you don’t,” he says, moving to stand. “So tomorrow it is.” He walks closer to you and extends his hand for you to take, helping you out of the booth. “And you’ve got the rest of the night off.”
“Oh, I carpooled today so, I have to wait anyway,” you explain, though the idea of leaving early sounds like heaven.
“I’ll drive you. Get your things, I’ll have the car pulled around,” he supplies easily. He leaves to the front of the restaurant and you stand in your stupor for only a moment longer before you move to get your things from the back. You have a silly thought worrying about giving him your address, then remember he’s had it this entire time. And he told you you had nothing to worry about.
You’re not a typically trusting person, even more so after Fred, but there's something about Bucky. Something trustworthy, something that feels safe.
You grab your bag and let Molly know you’re leaving early and you got a ride before you head to the front to find Bucky.
He’s waiting patiently and his eyes seem to light up just a bit when he sees you coming.
Your manager is smiling tightly behind the stand as she watches you go. You feel slightly bad for just cutting out like this, but once Bucky came in, the place cleared out some, so it’s not like they’re in the midst of a rush.
You let your work worries slip away as the brisk night air hits you, Bucky holds the door for you as you exit and then opens the passenger of his sleek, blacked out Jaguar for you to get in.
You always assumed someone like him, in his position, would have a driver, but maybe that’s just not his style.
Bucky gets in and as you buckle, begins to drive off. You don’t need to supply him with your address as he heads in the right direction without a word.
It’s quiet but not unbearably so. It’s not until you’re just a couple minutes away from your place that he breaks the silence.
“I’ll pick you up at 7 tomorrow. I figure it’s a delicate conversation we’ll be having, so somewhere private would be better. Are you okay with going to my place? We can have dinner.”
It’s a genuine question, and the earnestness of it eases your nerves even further. He’s truly asking, genuinely concerned with your comfortability.
“Mhm,” you nod with a quiet hum. “Yeah.”
He pulls up in front of your house, the porch light on and shining because you knew you wouldn’t be off until late.
The car cuts off and you turn to face Bucky only to find him opening his door and getting out himself.
You grab your bag and follow him with your eyes as he rounds the car to get to your side. He gallantly pulls open the door for you and helps you out with care. You stand and he closes the car door before you start up the path to the front door. It’s a short walk and as you reach the door you turn to look at him as he stays beside you.
“Thank you, for the ride, and…” you trail off not knowing how to articulate what it is you want to say. Thankfully he doesn’t make you continue. He smiles softly at you.
“It’s my pleasure, sweetheart.”
You blink at him. You don’t know what else to say. You finally look away and turn to the door to unlock it.
“When you said I don’t have anything to worry about,”
“I meant you don’t have anything to worry about,” he answers you before you finish your question. “I’m gonna make this all go away, I just need to know if there’s any loose ends we need to tie up to be done with it, that’s all.”
Your eyes sting again. He makes it sound so easy, so simple.
“I-“ your voice threatens to break.
“Hey, we don’t needa talk about it right now, doll. You just go inside, relax, eat, get some rest. You don’t gotta stress a thing anymore, alright? I’ve got you, there’s nothin for you to worry about.”
“…Why are you being so nice to me?” you look at him with bleary eyes as you crack the front door open and ask the question you’ve been wondering for the past two months.
He takes a small step closer to you and gently turns your face to look at him. “Why do you expect cruelty?”
You stutter a breath as you look at him and feel the memories of the year you spent caught up with Freddy stab at you. You know why, and you’re sure he does, too. But there’s no sense of judgment coming from him, and you don’t feel embarrassed; not like the way you do in front of your mom. She’s the only other person who knows what happened, what your dad did. For you.
She never said it, you don’t expect she ever will, but you can sense the thoughts, the subtle judgement from her, especially when this all first happened. She doesn’t know the truth but you don’t have the care to tell her. Because even if what she assumed was true, it doesn’t change anything. No one deserves that.
But the truth is, you didn’t stay. The first time he put his hands on you, you were gone. He just wouldn’t leave you alone. You were together for six months at that point and they were nice, nothing overly romantic like you see in the movies, but nice. You weren’t expecting anything long lasting, marriage wasn’t even a thought. You knew he wasn’t the one, but dating was… fun. And then, one day, a switch flipped.
He wasn’t the kind, but nonchalant guy you thought he was. He was angry, like it was your fault the relationship wasn’t what he wanted, that it wasn’t more. He wanted it to work so badly, but he knew it never would. That only kept his ire burning. And so during the other six months you were ‘together’ you were really nothing close. You avoided him every chance you got and when he’d find his way in he’d always be sure to leave his mark. He kept up appearances of course, to everyone it seemed. You didn’t want to look crazy, so what were you going to say? ‘I broke up with him months ago and I don’t know why he won’t accept that. He uses me like a punching bag when he gets me alone - when he breaks into my car, my home, any way he can weasel into my life.’ He was in with the mob and everyone knew it, so even if they believed you, what the hell would anyone be able to do? At a certain point you just kind of accepted that this must be it. He’d always just be around somehow. Stories of your on and off again relationship floating around thanks to him - he wanted everyone to know that even if you weren’t together, you were together. Making it harder and harder for you in every way possible.
And then, one day, everything changed.
Now you’re here, and he isn’t.
Now you’re here, and so is James Barnes.
His warm hand is still holding your face and his thumb gently rubs your soft cheek, almost mindlessly, while he peers at you - intent as ever. That softness you saw before is back and you have to remind yourself to breathe when you notice his gaze flit to your lips. It’s brief, fleeting as his hand drops and he meets your eyes once more. He takes back his step and you watch him take a deep breath himself, the first time you’ve ever seen him be anything close to unsteady, if that’s what you can call it.
You break eye contact first, looking down to the small space between you while you push your door open a bit more, holding onto the handle with one hand.
“Have a good night,” he says, voice low and quiet as he watches you step closer yet to the door.
You look at him again then, “You too,” you bid softly, finally stepping inside.
He nods and waits for you to close the door behind yourself. As you push it shut, you catch a smile tugging at the corner of his lips, and then that fluttering in your belly returns again.
You turn the lock and then press yourself up against the wood, exhaling heavily.
You feel relieved and yet ten times more terrified in the very same breath.
The most pressing feeling in this very moment though is a weird kind of guilt.
You feel more for a man you’ve only known for two months than you ever did for Freddy in the entire time you’d known him. Bucky is intimidating, obviously, and you know what he does, what he’s known for; he’s a man anyone would tell you to avoid at all costs. But when he’s around, there’s this feeling you get that you just can’t shake. You feel safe around him.
He’s known for being a man of his word, and his words to you have never been anything but thoughtful and…caring. He may prod, but he’s never threatened you. Truth be told, you think maybe he’s known this entire time what really happened. Or at least that you were involved somehow. And still, he wasn’t harsh with you even once. He was doing his own investigation this entire time, of course, and if he’d wanted to get the truth from you, surely he could have- he could’ve saved a lot of time too. Could’ve even gone after your dad.
But he didn’t do any of those things. No, he’s been patient, waiting until he had enough proof without having to pry anything out of you. At the very least you were grateful for that.
Not to mention the fact that he had called you pretty. It seems silly given the circumstances, but it did warm you when the compliment hit. It’s crazy but it’s clear that you’re feeling feelings for one James Bucky Barnes. God help you.
Alongside the unexpected romantic stirrings you’re coming to terms with, the anxiety and stress of the truth you’ve been trying, and apparently failing, to keep about what happened to Freddy has been weighing heavily on you, but with Bucky’s veiled acknowledgment of it, you feel more free already.
It’d be a lie to say you aren’t nervous for tomorrow night, but it’d also be a lie to say a part of you isn’t looking forward to it, too. If for no reason other than what Bucky said; to finally just be done with this whole mess.
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scorpioriesling · 11 months ago
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May I please politely beg for a fic based on the Eris bc post you did? It was so good and I’d love to see him confront Rhys + co and taking care/loving reader
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I’m the “Bad Guy”
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Pairing(s): Eris x reader
Warnings: some graphic-ish injury
Summary: Eris Vanserra; he was your… what? Enemy? Ally? Both? Sort of — at least, that’s what Rhysand says, and whatever your High Lord says, goes. But, Eris saw you for more than anyone in your court ever could, and deep down you knew he had one more title, reserved for just you: true love. What happens when you’re in danger, and he’s the first and only one you go running to?
SR’s Note: Yes you absolutely can have a fic based on Eris’ HC in this post. No need to beg — I’m happy to oblige. Here it is, I hope you like it. xoxo
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The fire crackled and burned in the fireplace, embers creating a soft glow in the darkened sitting room. Eris was alone, lounging on the sofa in the Forest House, his newest read in hand. He liked spending his time this way — alone, reading, warm. He felt… content.
Little did he know, you’d quite enjoyed your evenings the same way.
Sure, he knew you shared an interest in reading. That’s where he usually found you when he’d visit the Night Court — shelf combing in the library of the House of Wind; curled in a chair, a different book to read each time he would see you again; sometimes, you’d even be caught talking about your favorite ones with Nesta. You quite enjoyed her, as well as her company and character, as she was very honest and real with you.
Yet, another thing in you’d shared in common.
On this particular evening though, the sun had already long set and the stars were sprinkling the sky when Eris felt his body tense on instinct. He had suddenly lost interest in what he was reading when he heard a commotion coming from outside. Well, not a commotion, but rather some sort of… crying. Whimpering, rather. He straightened in his chair, straining his ears to hear what was happening beyond the windows of the Forest House.
Usually, when this happened, it was the work of Beron — some cruel or unusual punishment that Eris had learned long ago to stay out of. Recently, tensions were running high with the Night Court; though Eris was still secretly meeting with them, it didn’t change that his father wanted to sever all ties with the solar court completely.
But this… this time, it was different.
“Please… please…”
Eris’ heartstrings pulled in his chest as he strained to listen, wanting to make any excuse or reason for his ears to be deceiving him.
But, he knew in his heart, they were not.
In an instant, he’d snapped his novel shut and was racing toward the front door. He threw it open, rounding the corner of the house and bolting for the enormous hedge maze in the backyard of the grounds. He wasn’t sure exactly what had come over him; on any other day, he’d leave you to suffer as he would the other Night Court Inner Circle members. But the squeeze of barbed wire around his heart propelled him forward.
He knew you were here. He knew it was you that needed him.
It was an odd feeling, tearing around corners in search of the one woman he’d thought over and over about torturing. He’d thought of you crying. He’d thought about how he could hurt you. Did that make him a bad person? Maybe. So be it. You weren’t perfect either. Over the last few years, he’d even thought of how he’d kill you himself — just, once, he’d thought of this. It was during a meeting with the entire Inner Circle, of course; Eris was present. He’d arrived early and heard you, again, talking to Nesta about your ideas on strategy and negotiation. Though you were speaking of ideas that would affect him directly, he didn’t care — the ideas were good. Nesta wasn’t shy to give credit where it was due, either.
But, none of that mattered because during the meeting, you hadn’t opened your mouth once or said a word about your ideas. You’d tried to interject, actually — but Rhysand was quick to silence you.
But how did you handle that?
Like a good pet would. You sat, and stayed silent. Just like you always did. You’d never challenge your High Lord, oh Cauldron no — he could just simply use you as a doormat, and it wouldn’t matter.
Maybe that’s what pissed Eris off so badly.
He knew what you were capable of, what you had to offer, and what you were worth; but it seemed that most of the Inner Circle didn’t bat an eye at you, especially Rhys, whom you bowed to and that was that. Your talents could be used for so much more, but you always stayed within the guidelines in which you were allowed.
“Please… Eris…someone help me…”
Eyes straining in the night, Eris followed your pained cries until he found you in the middle of the maze. You were slumped against the large marble water fountain, breathing unevenly as blood stained your neck. Drying crimson flakes dirtied your usually vibrant tendrils, and your hands braced over your abdomen, hot tears creating tracks down your dirtied face.
"Oh my Gods..." He rushed to you, and you peered up at him in desperation. His heart split in two, seeing you crumpled and hurt in front of him as he took in your appearance in full.
But, his sadness turned very quickly, to anger. You laid, panting and in pain, in his court, on his grounds. No explanation, no one coming to help you. He felt... violent.
He knelt down to your level, leaning in and stretching a hand out to trail over your face, registering the blood pouring from inside your lip. He then reached up to move your hair from your forehead -- a huge gash the cause for the ever growing maroon pool you two were in.
Well, one of the causes. Your hands still covered your stomach.
He was fuming, hands trembling as he tried to stay gentle with you, but absolute rage filled his every vein at how this could have happened to you.
Who could've let this happen to you.
"Eris, I..." you coughed, a few blood-tainted drops landing on the stone pathway below. "I... I didn't mean to... this is the first place I thought of..." another loud sob wretched from you, and Eris cupped your cheek, his thumb stroking over the bone. You relaxed a bit at his touch, though he usually appeared so tense and malicious. When he looked into your eyes again, his whiskey irises were dulled to a deep bourbon, and his jaw was clenched tight.
"Come with me."
He stood then and wrapped his arms around your knees and lower back, scooping you up and carrying you as carefully as he could back to his wing of the Forest House. You let out a few small yelps here and there as the searing pain in your stomach was getting to be too much to handle.
"Please, stay with me Y/N," he pleaded, looking down at you sorrowfully. Your usually soft eyes met his, and his wire-wrapped heart strained once more. He’d felt as though he was carrying a small, injured deer -- that is what you were in his eyes. A gentle, wise, little doe. His little doe.
Whatever he’d been feeling before, it was long gone. The only thoughts clouding his mind were ones of keeping you safe, helping you in every way he could, and providing you with everything you could need.
Little did he realize, you just needed him. Wasn’t that why you were there in the first place?
When Eris had finally made it inside, he sat you gently on the sofa in front of the fireplace, and ran to the washroom. It wasn’t long before he’d returned, presenting a small wet cloth in one hand and taking your chin between his fingers kindly in the other. He began to wipe away the trailing stains all over your delicate skin, trying so hard to stay gentle with you; trying to replicate the softness you'd always offerred others. He felt better seeing you relax into his touch a bit as he continued to work.
But, that's one thing you didn't have in common. He wasn't soft, or sweet like you. It was one thing he pretended to hate; he “hated” your kindness to everyone, even his father, of all people. He “hated” your soft voice, one he wasn’t used to hearing all that often. He also “hated” your gentle loving nature — so, so much he “hated” it.
He tried to steady his breathing, gazing into your round, watery eyes to attempt to ground his senses and avoid thinking about punishing whoever hurt you like this. It only caused him more agony, watching as you tried to hold back your tears. Wiping away the last of the blood from your hairline, he dropped his head for a moment, raking a hand through his hair.
“I can’t stall for you any longer, love.” He said softly. Your stomach muscles continued to tense under your palms, and you watched as he rolled a clean cloth between his hands.
"I’m going to put this,” he held up the rolled cloth.
“In here," he tucked it into your open mouth. You closed your mouth over it, so usually defiant towards your ��sworn enemy”, but, really...
You'd do anything he asked of you.
His hands moved to cover your bloody ones, still clutching at your stomach.
"Y/N... you’re going to have to move your hands." He says. Your eyes screw shut as you groan, fresh pain raging from the wound in your abdomen. Eris sighs, looking to you with pleading eyes.
“Please, Y/N… you have to help me help you.” His thumbs stroke over your knuckles, now covered in your blood — and you begin to remove your hands shakily. He breathes a sharp gasp as he sees your laceration in full, and shakes his head slowly. He sits back on his knees, positioning himself between yours.
"Hold onto me." He says. You look to him in confusion, and he places your clammy fingers on his shoulders. One of his hands lingers on yours for a moment, and he pressed the inside of your wrist to his lips. He looks back to you, eyes already asking for forgiveness.
"I'll be honest,” he begins. “I've thought about hurting you before, as you've hurt me," he says, voice deep with ... something. Something you couldn't place. You could barely focus on his words as your mind started to fog over, your vision clouding with black spots. "...but never like this."
He sighs one last time, a hand coming into view between your knees, his fingers ablaze with his gift of fire. You immediately sit up, or try to anyway -- a sob racks your chest, muffled by the cloth, and Eris holds you down, hand splayed over your sternum.
"Hold onto me." He says again, his tone warning. His fingers meets your bubbling would, flames searing the skin as a scream tears through your dry, cracked throat, only quieted by the cloth you’re biting down on. Your eyes blow wide, and you squirm under his hold. He looks at you with regret, pulling back for just a moment — only to press heat onto your would again within seconds.
Your hands claw at the collar of his white button down, red already smeared over most of it. He huffs an apologetic sigh, continuing to carterize your open would, flames stinging and burning your sensitive flesh.
Over. Over. Over again.
You tilt your head back, the familiar weightless feeling becoming all too apparent. You felt it coming; you were going to black out. His once-white collar begins to slip from your fingers, and your eyes meet his one last time before glazing over as you slink into darkness.
: *✧・゚:* ✧・゚
Soft streams of sunlight bathe the room in a golden glow when you open your eyes again. You register the feeling of comfy, loose-fitting pants amid the cool, mahogany silk sheets you’re enveloped in. You blink a few times, and reach a hand up to rub the sleep from your eyes.
When your eyes adjust, you realize what’s so different; everything. The sun is illuminating the room from a window. A window across this… bedroom, with a stoked fireplace and four poster oak bed. A bed with mahogany sheets, a stark contrast to your usual lilac ones at home — as well as the teakwood bookshelf along the far wall. At least those are familiar, most of the titles. One novel is laying on the window seat; it’s one you’d just finished last week.
Then, the realization hits you; you were in Eris' room.
You try to sit up, but wince in pain and end up laying back down, head flopping against the plush pillows under your head. Your hands instinctively reach toward your stomach, tugging at the hem of the tank top you donned. A thick bandage was wrapped around your midsection, concealing your abdominal injury. Your mind wandered to last night, what you'd endured, winnowing to the Autumn Court, the burning...
Within moments, Eris appeared in the doorway, concern threading his brows together as he looks you up and down.
"Is everything alright?" In three steps, he’s made it to the bed, taking a seat on the edge of it. He pulls the covers up, tucking them around you in comfort. You shake your head in honesty, silver lining your eyes as they meet his.
He knew you’d be honest with him. Yet, another thing he “hated” about you.
"I... they took me last night." You manage to choke out. Eris readjusts to face you, scooting closer and reaching out a hand to stroke through your hair. He bites on his lower lip, eyes searching yours.
"Who. Who took you Y/N." He says. It sounds like more of a demand than a question.
You shake your head, a tear slipping free as you remember being kidnapped from your bed and tossed onto the mountainside. The feeling of freezing snow under your knees, the jagged rocks slicing into your palms would only be the beginning of the pain you'd endure before somehow winnowing away.
"It was... they wanted me to partake in the..." you swallow, the lump in your throat only growing as another tear slips free. Usually, he’d be the type to taunt you for crying or appearing so weak, but Eris only brushes his thumb against your cheek, wiping your tears away.
"The fucking Blood Rite?" He bites out. Anger radiates off of him, the small fire in the fireplace near the window growing with each passing second. The muscle in his jaw feathers as his eyes train on yours, and you nod in confirmation. His other hand rests on yours clasped atop the sheets, and you can’t help but register the heat he is emitting, even from the small touch.
He sighs, hanging his head low and shaking it slowly. When he makes eye contact again, he takes your hands reassuringly in his. “Y/N, I’m only going to ask you one more time. Who. Did. This. To you.” You can practically see the flames dancing in his irises, and you lean forward an inch, almost nose to nose with him. His strong scent of cinnamon and burnt timber wafts through your senses, and you feel a small tug on your heartstrings.
“Eris, look it’s not anyone’s fault, okay? I mean, well, it is…” you begin with a sigh, sniffling and wiping at your eyes. “I was sleeping over at the House of Wind with Nesta and Gwyn and Emerie, and… oh, the guys were there too, for most of the night. Cassian and Azriel.” You explain. He nods for you to continue.
“Well, we were just having a nice time and when we went to sleep, I don’t know I just… one minute I was asleep and the next, I had a mask on my eyes and someone was… uh…. mm… uhm covering my mouth and… Nesta was screaming-“ you hadn’t noticed your hands beginning to shake, until Eris laced his fingers with yours. You took a steadying breath, but the shaking only subsided a little as you still remembered the horrors of the night prior.
“So… Cassian and Azriel. They were supposed to be watching you.” Eris says evenly. You look at him incredulously.
“Watching? Oh, hardly. I mean, we’re not eight years old, Eris.” You explain. He nods, biting the inside of his cheek and contemplating your words. You can practically see the gears turning in that beautiful little head.
“It seems a little chat is in order.” He chides. Your eyes widen, and your hand braces on his bicep. He glances down at your touch, then back to your face again, nose still just inches from yours.
“No! Uh… I mean, no. Please.” You say. “They haven’t done anything wrong, and-“
“I’d hardly say allowing for you to be kidnapped for the damned Blood Rite is an inexcusable offense.” He interrupts. You narrow your eyes at him.
“Andddd, I shouldn’t have been allowed to winnow at the Blood Rite. Anyone found using their powers or plotting to escape the rite once it’s begun is…” you trail off. He nods. He knows; it’s an executable offense. Bringing any of this to attention could perhaps put you in more danger.
He didn’t care. He was prepared to do anything to save you, just as he’d done the night before. He definitely wouldn’t allow some dirty Illyrians get their hands on you again, either.
“How were you able to winnow, anyway? I thought powers weren’t able to be used on Romiel during the Blood Rite,” he asks, quirking a brow. You shrug, wincing and regretting the movement.
“I don’t know… maybe, since no one knows I am capable of winnowing, they didn’t think it’d be necessary to shield those abilities from me? I don’t know Eris, I don’t know how all this works.” You say exasterbatedly, absentmindedly wiping at your nose again. Eris only seems to become more troubled by your response.
“So… they didn’t teach you to winnow, you just… did it… and they didn’t think you could do anything with your powers, so much so that no one bothered to remove them?” His voice pitches, and you nod in agreement.
“I suppose.” He slips his hand from yours, standing and straightening his shirt. He moves toward the door, not uttering another word.
“Eris, where are you-“
“Y/N, trust me; I’m only doing you justice. You’ll thank me later, dove.”
: *✧・゚:* ✧・゚
“What are you doing out of bed?”
You hear him before you see him. When you slowly turn from your spot at the stovetop, Eris is leaned against the doorframe, a cocky grin on his lips, brow raised in question. You roll your eyes, the only movement you can do at normal speed without tensing in pain.
“Well, smart guy,” you say. “You ran off and left me for half the day, and didn’t feed me. So, I forced myself up and… went on a little scavenger hunt. To the kitchen.” You say simply. He scoffs and strides over to you, stopping to lean against the counter behind you. You turn to face him, and he glances at the bandage peeking out from below your top.
“How are you feeling?” he asks, no tone or condescension evident in his voice. You cautiously take his hand in yours, and his eyes gaze at you in silent question. You press his palm to your side, and smile softly at him. All those years thinking he was your enemy; all those years thinking he would truly hurt you; all those years suppressing what you knew was true all along. Maybe he wasn’t the bad guy that everyone made him out to be. You knew he was a good male.
“I'm stronger than you thought, hmm?” You say with a wink. His eyes soften, and a little smile plays on his lips as his other hand braces your other hip bone. He pulls you close, so close your pelvis is touching his upper thighs. You peer up at him through your lashes as he leans down to whisper in your ear.
“You’ve always been the strongest woman I’ve known.”
You blush at his words, finally accepting what you’ve been running from all along; you care for Eris. Truly, you did. Why else would you winnow here, of all places? Why else would you feel a familiar tug on your heart strings when he was around?
You cared.
And, Cauldron behold; he did too.
“And… you had to show me how strong you could be today?” You ask, your tone dipping low. Eris rolls his eyes and scoffs.
“All I did was go over there, and demand to know why the hell they’d allow for you to be kidnapped in your own home-“ You gasp and swat his arm lightly.
“Eris!” You scold. He grins down at you, taking your face in his hands and looking at you lovingly.
“Maybe I should irritate you more… look at you, taking initiative and putting me in my place.” He chuckles. Your face reddens, and you stare at him wide-eyed as he runs his knuckles down your jaw, his cool silver ring easing the burning hot you felt beneath your cheek.
“Maybe you should do what you're suppos-“ Eris cuts you off with a tsk tsk tsk, pulling you in close and finally pressing a soft kiss to your lips. You part your lips, fingers caressing his jaw and threading through his hair as his lips dance with yours. His fingers trail from your cheek down to your waist, holding you close as one hand runs up and down your side; grabbing firmly when your teeth graze his bottom lip. He pulls away, breathless as he supplies you a feline grin.
“Now, where is the fun in that?
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pinkaditty · 1 year ago
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Thinking Thoughts
okok i can't find the post anymore so im literally going to kms bc it was such a a GOOD IDEA but basically it was this fic idea where Yuu was actually sent by the supervillains, the Seven (+ 1 more, the one Yuu represents) to go and investigate Crowley but the trip there somehow gave them memory loss and now Yuu doesn't remember anything!! and apparently Yuu gets their power from overblot stones so the Seven keep sending overblots to give Yuu the chance to regain their power and memory but unfortunately Grimm keeps eating the stones and pisses them off lol. IT WAS SUCH A GOOD IDEA and then the post ended with: the only question is, who does Yuu represent?
And I was like, oh Chernabog obvi.
like think abt it, that villain is literally THE MOST POWERFUL Disney villain plus nothing can defeat him except church bells and sunlight. since Yuu is a mere vessel, i imagine sunlight and church bells won't have an effect on them, thereby making them literally the most powerful villain vessel out there... they just don't remember shit.
honestly when i first played Twisted Wonderland i was genuinely surprised that Chernabog wasn't one of the big Seven... like he's the most powerful villain ever why not put him in there????
those of u who don't know who Chernabog is... i fear there is no saving u. as for how I know Chernabog exists??? let's just say I read a Disney series as a teenager and some girl was kidnapped by him which led me down a rabbit hole.
also also SOMEONE HELP ME FIND THE POST PLSSSS I WANTED TO GIVE CREDIT BUT I CAN'T REMEMBER THE USER OF WHO POSTED IT
oh also boycott Disney, it's fueling the Palestinian genocide. haven't touched Twisted Wonderland in months due to learning that + I uninstalled it anyway lol.
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lazy-sixteen · 4 months ago
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Still on my pathologic kick, anyway, character relationships we don't talk enough about but that make me insane, Artemy addition
Artemy and Capella
First off, just the fact that she can, has, and will psychically, unconsciously SOS him across town. We need to talk about that,
and like the fact it's unconscious, please image post-canon Capella accidentally summoning Artemy bc she and Khan had a fight. Giant, angry doctor on call at any moment against both their wills
Their first conversation where she tells him about curling up in her mother's coffin, "of course we're friends", presenting herself as still weak and coming into her powers vs. their conversation at the Cape, denying an emotional connection, "we're not friends", saying she can do it all on her own - I'm insane. I don't even think it's manipulation, I think she wants an adult who treats her like a child - not a reincarnation of her mother- but gets frightened at the possibility of losing even a drop of her control. The way she specifically denied seeing Artmey as a father.
Capella desperately wanting to be her mother and to have an adult's responsibilities as a Mistress and the children of the town's mother (the way she calls Artemy's list, "our children" - like they are both adults) vs. Artemy seeing how much Capella can resemble her (shitty) dad and being the one person reminding Capella she's not her mother and she is a child, and he'll treat her like one.
The role of the White Mistress based on Victoria's Tomb as "being" the town vs. Artemy specifically talking about the Town calling him - He'll always hear Capella's troubles and pain
And we're back to the psychic SOS thing, but like from a humorous standpoint she really could do the "projecting my period cramps meme"
Artemy and Khan
Okay this is shorter, because they don't interact much but their conversation after the House of Death where Khan gets mad at Artemy for letting him and Notkin go into the dangerous house makes me want to scream
Like not in a bad way - Khan has a point that it was irresponsible to let him and Notkin do that (as does Artemy in that he couldn't really stop them), but just ....
Super independent Peter Pan-meets-child dictator character's first response being "Why didn't you (an adult) stop me (a child)?" is wild
He gives very similar vibes to Capella in which they will loudly declared they don't see Artemy as a parental figures and don't want him to be one, while simultaneously desperately (and likely unconsciously) really wanting the safety net of an adult who will selflessly care for them - something they don't have due to their (1) weird families' expectations of them as future mistress/Kain, (2) their own hyper-competence and independence
Artemy and Andrey
This isn't as serious, I just think it's funny that Andrey has suggestive lines at Artemy in patho1 and patho2. Also is like genuinely pretty friendly with him in both (he'll give you Tyrwine for checking on Peter and he's outright help in his 1st Patho 1 sidequest)
Also just straight up, doesn't believe Artmey if he takes credit for destroying the Polyhedron
Like in fan depictions, I often see them not getting along, but I'm 99% sure Andrey's impression of Artemy is "My Hot and Helpful Weed (Twyr) dealer" - outside of Dankovsky, he's the Utopian who probably likes Artemy the most
Meanwhile Artemy gives off strong "i am choosing to barely register a word coming out of this man's mouth for my own sanity" vibes
Aspity and Dankovsky vs. Aspity and Artmey
Okay, mixing Pathologic 1 and Pathologic 2 here a bit which might not be fair as Aspity in general does seem more serious in Pathologic 2 (even for Daniil in the Marble Nest)
BUT the sheer whiplash of Aspity calling Daniil a prickly prick and monologuing suggestively about naked women at him in Patho1 vs.
Declaring herself Artemy's spiritual elder-sister/mother, keeping his inheritance safe, trying to save him from a cruel fate with Patches even at the cost of her life in Patho2
The whiplash is wild, I want to lock the three of them in a room and see what she does
Artemy and Taya
I love that being the co-ruler/enforcer/parental figure mix to one weird-magical little girl ruler who can magically communicate with him wasn't enough
Taya subconsciously yoinking Artemy into her dreams to play dolls or tell her stories - he hasn't slept in a week
Also I think it would be really interesting post-canon to look at how they are doing as the two big spiritual and political leaders of the Kin
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reel-fear · 9 months ago
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Genuinely so curious who Mike thinks is gonna be buying The Cage or the new DCTL GN bc with the way he tweets as far as he's concerned, it's not gonna be:
The queer people he has actively admitted he will never show any representation of in the games.
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2. The POC he has actively fought against representing in his franchise. [Who he also mocked for thinking they would be represented in his franchise]
3. The Bendy fandom which has always been concerned with topics of diversity esp in the sense of queer people since its creation. Who he has responded to really poorly esp in regards to the GN.
4. The fans who critique him. [He blocked me for doing so lol]
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5. His fans in general who he tweets about like this currently. [He's being vague about why people were mad at him or sent him 'nasty messages' because if you actually looked into why you'd see he was in the wrong. Either way, a very hateful way to speak abt ur own fanbase.]
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Reminder while Mike is trash talking his fans he has always treated them rather poorly. The fans who won the fanart contest for Chapter 5 never got their posters actually in game due to it being rushed. Not only was chapter 5 a big slap to the face story wise, but it was literally so rushed he couldn't be bothered to add in the art his fans gave him for his game FOR FREE. [Meatly blames this on a crazy timeline, reminder him and Mike are the literal ceos of this company. The proposal of future updates here is also pretty cruel considering Mike nowadays happily admits he corrupted Chapter 5's source code and therefore literally can't update it At All currently. Because he is a moron]
At least they got to be in Boris and the dark survival, and by that I mean that was the Only game they got to be in so far, isn't that just treating your fans like you love them? Shoving their hard work into a spin off game almost nobody has played or addresses much. [Hell, who knows if with the Lone Wolf rebrand they'll even stay there. In which case they'll be in None of the games, only in the credits of BATIM]
6. The Bendy fans who just generally disagree with him on stuff. Like the new ink demon design where there is literally a public poll showing people generally prefer the old one.
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7. The Bendy fans who can see he is actively lying to them. To their fucking faces.
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He says this has always been the case, but screenshots and links to tweets regarding the books being canon prove it was not. Does he really think bendy fans are stupid or something? [Unless he's admitting here he lied to Kress when he told her the books were canon which sounds worse!]
8. Anyone who doesn't like the idea of giving money to a guy who laid off tons of employees then afterwards thought it was a great idea to express his anti-union views! Also brag about how good of an employer he was, according to his employees, he was not!
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So in summary; Mike is an awful person who has not learned anything from the awful things he did. I will not be purchasing The Cage because, combined with this and his absolute refusal to take any kind of critique or see any differing interpretation of his franchise, I have no reason to think my problems with the franchise will ever be addressed or fixed. I probably will pirate The Cage along with any future Bendy Products [Including the movie] and will do my best to avoid giving it any kind of monetary support. Unless this changes any time soon, I can't see myself making anymore positive Bendy posts soon.
Mike has just managed to make it so hard to speak positively or optimistically of this franchise when he's so willing to broadcast how little he cares about it or its fans. I'm at the point where I refuse to pull any of my punches with my problems with it. What's the point of trying to play nice with my critique when either way the people creating it don't care?
So with this post, I want to invite anyone who feels similarly about the franchise to tell me, make a post or send an ask talking about how all of this makes you feel. It may not change how things are, but genuinely seeing other people share my feelings of anger makes me feel better. It feels nice to see when other people share our same concerns and worries. I'd also love to know if anyone else thinks they'll be avoiding purchasing Bendy products over this.
I'm not forcing anyone to participate in it nor trying to say anyone who doesn't supports mike but genuinely maybe if we can collectively decide to boycott things like the movie, graphic novel and The Cage... It might at least make the bendy devs acknowledge how much they have destroyed their own fandom's faith and trust in them.
The way Mike tweets about his actions like he had no control over why people were mad at him at least proves to me he takes NONE of it back nor regrets it. If you didn't know about his actions and only went off his tweets, you would be led to believe Mike has been needlessly picked apart by fans over things he couldn't control [or in his own words, had his words twisted and taken out of context]. That is not how you speak about your actions if you have actually learned better from them.
anyway, that has been my bendy dev callout post. This is an open invitation to anyone feeling similarly upset about the way the franchise is going to talk about it. It's genuinely nice to see how people feel about this and the more we talk about the more it's likely the bendy devs are forced to address our concerns. I don't think they will but hey, that's why I'm not gonna support them with my money anymore nor am I gonna be nice to them in any content I make critiquing Bendy. I mean I'm also basically making this post just in case anyone asks me Why I feel this way towards to bendy devs/as a way to respond to anyone who thinks I am too harsh in my critique in the future.
As always, it seems the best part of Bendy isn't actually anything about canon but about what the fan's are creating with the ideas Bendy failed to do anything interesting with.
Also the books, the books slap.
#batim#batdr#bendy and the ink machine#bendy and the dark revival#ramblez#bendy and the silent city#bendy the cage#for the record another reason Im making this post is bc some of the only good resources to learn abt why the bendy devs suck are some old#very longer videos and this is a very long post but I thought it was important to document the recent shit theyve been doing alongside some#of the worst past things theyve done bc Mike has been trying to misinform people on what happened but those videos are still great resource#if you want more info n such#long post#mike D#for anyone who doesnt wanna hear abt him since he doesnt go by mood anymore#sorry if this is rambley or emotional Im just so sick of these guys fr dskjhgskdfjghskdjhgkjhsd#I miss when I didnt spend my days stressed about the awful shit mike is gonna say next and how I would have to disprove it in a post later#or explain why its bad to have a cast of nothing but cishet white guys n constantly fight back against any push for diversity in said cast#genuinely its just tiring esp when u see other bendy fans give ignorant or very silly defenses/takes on those things#n then u lose a lot of respect for them bc they are speaking on stuff they dont know much abt so confidently and therefore misinforming#people or even encouraging very bad views on stuff like diversity n its importance#Im not saying people like that are bad people but it is stressful n upsetting when u see someone u thought knew better do that sort of thin#it makes it hard to trust them again on other issues bc u now dont trust they know what they r talking abt!!#like please think twice before telling young artists making norman white was a tough and complicated decision it was fucking not the bendy#devs just think all their humans are white by default and dont wanna change that its been proven time n time again thats all it is#and defending them just bc u like a franchise they made is very very bad!! They are not ur friends!! they suck and we seriously need to#stop pretending they dont!! toxic positivity is only gonna make the fandom an absolute nightmare its not gonna make ANYTHING better#it just means people will be forced to PRETEND they never have negative thoughts abt the franchise n therefore make them burned out#just look at other similar fandoms please lets not make those same mistakes!!#sorry can u tell Ive been having just. A time recently#anyways back to making my queer ass bendy fan game full of so much diversity mike will prolly shit when he sees it DKFJGHKSDJHGKJHSD
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oddp1ant · 4 months ago
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Talking here instead of in the tags on this post because. My head is steaming.
This version of Viktor is 1) human and 2) older. In my dream reality, this implies that the de-arcanified version of Viktor we see at the end of ep 9 survives, regains physical form but is forever changed by the arcane = a mage, who eventually travels through time/realities to give Jayce the guidance he needs as a child and in the post-apocalypse wasteland, effectively securing the timeline in which he (and the rest of the world or w/e) survives, making it a closed loop. I like to think Jayce is with him for most of it, both of them figuring out their new magical interdimensional existence together.
Ofc, the take I've been seeing most of so far is that Jayce and Viktor were both destroyed in that final moment. I mean yeah, being at the center of hexcrystal/gem/shard activity like that tends to do that to people, as we've been repeatedly shown, but they were also in the weird metaphysical arcane-space when it happened so I'm honestly not sure the same principles apply. If that is the end for them, I guess mage-Viktor was just a product of some other reality where that was the trajectory for him, who due to his magic was able to see all the infinite Bad timelines and took it upon himself to interfere with this one to prevent them, likely nullifying his own and himself in the process. This is cool too, but makes mage-Viktor feel a bit like a random Deus ex machina since we have very little sense of where he came from or how he became what he is.
I may be delusional, but I feel like there's hope in Jayce's face when he sees mage-Viktor. Seeing him human again, seeing him older (something I am personally in tears over - Viktor getting to grow old ;;;;) seems to give him hope that there's a way back, AND a way forward for them!!! Idk. I'm crazy.
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[Screencap credit to @lesbian-sansa]
Edit to add: I guess my mind skipped over the option that mage-Viktor is the post-apocalyptic reality's Viktor, who presumably went full glorious evolution, saw that it sucked, and somehow turned himself back to a human form. I guess that lessens the Deus ex machina issue and is also very cool bc we love a villain who spends a thousand years bored and lonely in the desolate wasteland of their own creation until deciding the only way to fix this involves timefuckery and empowering the heroes to take you down before it can happen. There's something so "go sit in the corner until you've calmed down" about it. Also implies that Viktor had the ability to come back to himself even without Jayce, but not before it's too late. Always preventing each other from stepping off the ledge at the last moment, these guys.
Idk which theory I prefer, I think I'll have thoughts about this show until I die
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cosmicheartz · 5 months ago
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finished my updated Solange ref!!
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i have a lot of lore abt her but some general info
does not like most of the bishops ( leshy is kind of the exception ) and HATES Nari. I'm toying with the idea that Solange ends up kicking the Bishops & Nari out of her flock for her mental health ( she only kept them around bc she'd feel bad but it gets to a point where its either keep them around and have her mental health/sanity suffer even more or kick them out so she can heal )
polyam ( in my current save i married Aym, a follower named Lavender and Jalala ( not sure if the Jalala relationship will be canon though ).
Solange and Lavender ended up splitting sometime postgame on semi good terms because Solange felt heavily uncomfortable pursuing a relationship with Lavender due to her newfound god status ( and the cult leader aspect )
Solange really only accepted Lavender asking her out/the proposal in the first place is because the last time she rejected someone ( the farmer she lived with prior to her execution ) he ended up selling her out to be executed. Solange also was under the assumption Nari would make her mortal after she killed the Bishops so she was planning on convincing Lavender and her sister to leave the lands of Old Faith so maybe Solange would feel less gross about the relationship. Unfortunately that didn't pan out so Solange decided to break it off
loves and cares for her flock but didn’t really want to be a cult leader in the first place. If not for the fact she would have been killed Solange would have given Nari the crown so she could leave the lands of the old faith and try to find a place to call home.
Postgame she tries to make the cult less cultish and encourages her followers to have some free will and be self sufficient w/o her ( which does sorta work to her credit ) but deep down Solange knows it doesn't really matter as a cult is a cult no matter how hard she tries to make it not so.
on a small side note i hc she isnt the last sheep ever but definitely the last sheep in the lands of old faith and the areas close to it. Sheep are still very rare however ( especially what would be considered " purebred " sheep )
voice claim is Sam Boole from PN2 ( example here )
moral code is a bit loose. She doesn’t exactly like to sacrifice their followers ( she much prefers ascension which she primarily does for her elderly followers ) but has little to no issue with sacrificing/killing off spies along with other things.
She can hold a nasty grudge ( see: her hating Naris guts ) to the point its probably detrimental to herself
Solange also made a sort of " deal " with The Fox that while she wouldn't give him Ratau she will give him both the bodies of followers who passed away and any spies that sneak their way into her cult ( along with offering him minced follower meat meals )
wanted to be an artist or a baker when she was younger ( They technically achieved the baker part as post game she starts growing wheat and making bread/pastries for her followers )
more doodles of her + concepts for some of her followers
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longer-than-i-should-admit · 6 months ago
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(Mildly spoilery ramble about Solavellan and that damned lyre in [one of] Solas' hideout[s] below the cut.)
I am an inconsolable mess thinking about this sad old bastard knowing how to play that thing. For someone several millennia old it only makes sense he might have picked it up at some point a time or two. It's then only a logical extension of supposition to conclude that he might be able to sing, as well, as eloquent and measured with his words and cadence as he is. (Yes this is a Hallelujah post bc the brainrot's real.)
Imagine Rook freeing Solas from the Fade prison in preparation for all the stuff going on. He's weak and tired from the experience and needs to recoup a bit—not bedrest, but Rook hounds him to relax around the Lighthouse for a while and take it easy.
Lavellan's back, advising Rook or helping Varric or w/e. She's doing her best to give him space. It's awkward and it's tense and they barely even exchange words when they do happen to cross paths. (Did this place feel so small before? Rook wonders.)
Solas is obviously going stir crazy. He's read all the books in the library numerous times before. He cannot cast very much if he's to conserve his mana for whatever threats they face. He's decidedly a little burnt out on exploring the Fade, just for a while. He starts micro managing the crew, pedantic and critical at his worst due to boredom, stress, and worry all at once. They plead Rook to distract him, take him out to town somewhere to shop or some shit, anything.
So Rook brings him the lyre from his hideout in Minrathous. It's dusty by then and horribly out of tune, but no one dared to touch it. Rook isn't even sure that the Dread Wolf has any musical capabilities, wonders if this was part of one of his many ruses (never trust the humble guises of Fen'Harel, they think), but it's something to keep his hands busy, his mind occupied, and his mouth shut for a time.
Solas looks displeased, unimpressed. Put upon by Rook's unspoken meaning to keep himself busy and occupied and out of their way. He's unused to relying on others to carry the weight of such a task, but he acknowledges by now that the Veilguard knows what they're doing and does it well. Better than he could manage by himself.
So it works, for a while. They don't see him out and about. He recluses himself into his rooms and only emerges when he's hungry or someone comes to ask him for help—which does visibly improve his mood. Oftentimes he has pigments staining his hands and plaster smudged unconsciously across the glass-sharp arches of his cheeks, too. The furrow between his brows aren't so deep now that he's had some time to decompress, even if it was unwilling at first.
It doesn't last forever. Something happens. Rook defers to Lavellan. Solas overhears and protests. He doesn't want her involved, and Rook knows keenly by now that it's only in vain effort to keep her away from the immediate danger that the Evanuris pose. It's among the first times they've actually had an extended conversation and it's to argue. Varric told Rook that was normal for them—debating was one of their favorite pastimes, once upon a time, though for different reasons. Lavellan would provoke Solas into ranting to ruffle his feathers and to hear his passion. Solas would cave because he knew that even if she did not end up agreeing with his viewpoint on things, she would still hear him out and give him credit where it was due. A balance of the difference between knowledge and wisdom, a scale of moderation between righteous indignation and the humility of admitting the limitation of one's perspective and experience.
It's rife with undertones, however. Pointed remarks that Rook doesn't readily understand but can intuit easily enough. Rook didn't have to know that they were in a complicated (romantic?) situation to tell that there was much tension, history, and uncertainty in the undercurrents of their bickering. Rook steps in before it gets too vicious, watching with trepidation as the battle of wits and logic gave way to old hurts and unhealed wounds of emotions too strong to ignore during as dire times as these.
They part and put the length of the Lighthouse's grounds between them to clear the air. Rook sighs and wonders how in the Void they would be able to stop the end of the world if two lovers could not smooth things over long enough to cooperate.
That night, at supper, Solas emerges with a brumous cloud brewing over his shoulders (not literally, but just about; Rook can feel the charge of his mana as acutely as the tumult of his thoughts in the back of their mind) and takes a set next to the hearth, lyre in hand. Lavellan stiffens from her seat at the end of the table, watching him with wary and skeptical eyes. Solas' fingers thrum over the strings lightly, filling the abruptly silent room with a rasp of harmony...
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And he began to sing.
Rook doesn't recognize the song at first, but within the first couple of lines they watch Lavellan's eyes mist over. Soon enough, the meaning becomes clear: it's the tale of the Inquisitor—and thus her connection to Solas, the most he's ever revealed to any of the Veilguard intentionally or indirectly both. But Rook can tell that it means more to the Inquisitor than anyone else. His voice is plaintive and sincere, reverent like he uttered a benediction. Rook sees for the first time the strength that lay between them, the intimacy, the unique relationship only two unwilling religious visionaries could share.
Despite the tears glittering along her lashlines, Lavellan offers Solas a watery smile once he finishes and clears her throat before asking him if he remembered the shanty Maryden used to play in the Herald's Rest. Which one? Solas asks, looking an odd mixture of embarrassed and relieved at once with his ears flushed bright pink. Any of them, Lavellan supplies. I never knew you played. You never asked, Solas says, then amends with a gentler tone, but I never offered, either.
Things get better after that. Everyone breathed a sigh of relief that the two finally found some common ground upon which to make amends.
They learned that Lavellan could sing, too.
Their harmonies echoed through the arcane-saturated stones of the Lighthouse on some occasions after that, filling the empty rooms with steady rhythm, but not always in melody. The same cadence that guided Solas' ode to his once unwitting Herald seeped into their every shared conversation, be it about the Fade or anything else.
Rook found that it became one of their favorite songs—a missing piece they never noticed before. That Solas eventually thanked them for it was an added side benefit.
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skitskatdacat63 · 11 months ago
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For @sansebastinae and @boisinnot, my fellow saint seb truthers :)
+ the usual
Yayyyy finished a drawing! Haha only took me...2 weeks. I kept going back and forth on whether I could finish it tonight, and I really wasn't going to. But then I looked at the unfinished version on a different screen and was like oh? Not too bad actually?? So I finished it :) First of all, ofc, here is the process. Kinda weird seeing it for smth like this, it makes me feel like I'm the painter in rennaisance au, not Mark dhjfkf
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Ah I was gonna draw a silly renaissance au comic to accompany this(read: lighten the mood), but it's 5 am and I've still not really drafted it well, so! I'd like to finish it at some point bcs I wanna draw more chibi comics, but when I finish smth, I can't help but immediately want to post it, so part 2 will have to wait. I'll show you the outline though so you can at least imagine 😭
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^ So many renaissance and beyond paintings of Saint Sebastian are always the most horny thing ever. Like pre/early rennaisance, yeah he was naked and all that, but they were pretty chaste, and uhhhhh suffering?? Well the newer paintings are suffering, but in a different way, if you know what I mean.
So I feel like Mark's the type to be overly pedantic about it, and refuses to make borderline porn of a saint, I mean, god forbid, Seb!!! But then he just. Does anyways. Because he can't control his lust for Seb even when drawing him half dead. I just imagine him holding the paintbrush in a death grip like "must not be horny. Must not draw him sexy. Must make him chaste." And then he ends up with the one seen above. Seb is all smug about it. "Wow you'd wanna fuck me even while I'm all bloody and dying? 🥺"
Mark: "oh I'll make you bloody, alright."
But god so funny to imagine Seb doing all these different slutty poses, like arching his back as much as possible, the cloth nearly falling off at all times, etc etc. And Mark finally lands on this pose bcs he hopes the suffering will outweigh the horny. It doesn't. Also Seb is genuinely serious once he actually gets into the pose, focus mode on. And honestly that's even worse for Mark, bcs it's so much more arousing to see Seb in his element, focused. Tbf I think Seb could be drinking water, and Mark would still find some way to sexualize it. Don't look at his sketches!! They're just filled with Seb doing all kinds of random activities.
Also! Here is the painting I referenced this off of, must give credit where credit is due ofc
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The Dying St. Sebastian by François Fabre
Also this isn't really relevant in the context of this drawing specifically. But I looked thru a bunch of Saint Sebastian paintings while trying to find one I could reference, and I came across this middle ages one that actually looks so much like boy king seb 😭 I guess it really is meant to be!
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St Sebastian between St Roch and St Peter by Pietro Perugino
Lmao but do you see the difference between early rennaisance and later work???
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nark-week · 1 year ago
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NARK WEEK 2024 ANNOUNCEMENT!!!!!
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To celebrate a whole year of surviving Discord Modhood, we decided to host Nark Week! Just a week full of Nark, right here on tumblr!
Just a few quick rules before we get going here:
1: This is fun! It's gotta be fun! This isn't a Shipping Contest, this is a celebration of something we love! Starting a dumb shipping war is NOT on the agenda. (Neither is General Mean-ness. We're cool over here in Nark Nation)
2: Use the '#Nark Week 2024' so we can find what you made!!!! We're gonna do our best to spread the love!!!!
3: NSFW is great!!! But you gotta tag it properly for our friends who are at Work. [Make sure to tag NSFW, for serious]
4: Conversely, Non-NSFW is also great!!! Which sounds very silly to say, but never feel forced to be ✨️salacious✨️ if that's not your thing
5: The prompts are a guideline!! We want art!!! And fics!!!! And cosplay!!!!! We want to be glutted on Nark for years to come!!!! If you have Nark, we want it 👍👍👍
6: Thank @Nolassolace for the awesome announcement art!!! (U don't have to do this one but I had to give credit where credit is due bc LOOOOOK at it)
7: (Mod Cal here) For the writers, we have an Ao3 Collection to which you can add your written works. Write and post your fic as you normally would and add the finished product by looking up 'NarkWeek2024' in the 'Post to Collections / Challenges' bit.
8: If you've read this far, you might be the kind of person who would like our Discord Community. We're a quiet 18+ little commuinty that came from Nark, but branched out to the podcast as a whole. We hope to return to our Nark Roots with this event!
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scapegoated-if · 2 months ago
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im not saying this in a "i want Leon as an RO" way, i just wanted to babble and i hope this doesnt feel pressuring bc that is not what i want to do. i just wanted to share
but yeah i do enjoy daydreaming about him and my MC being very affectionate towards each other. just Leon feeling generally misunderstood (at least thats the vibe he gives off to me), but feeling like at least MC tries to understand him and generally succeeds with the efforts, esp if she loaned him the book. just casually leaning on her, or being quietly obnoxious by shifting his legs to be in her lap; taking her with to museums; being, not upset with the band's hiatus, but by not getting the promise to see MC reguarly and work with her; promising to call or send post-cards, maybe them being a bit of a Daisy and Simone with that "map of the world" monolog from Daisy Jones & The Six. but also if he wrote some unrequited love songs about the MC, i wouldnt be surprised, gotta give the Leon simps something in this measly hc scenario of mine i guess lmao
i think part of it being (a) really ironic for Vince to potentially be in love with someone who is "like Leon's kid sister", or just being easily charmed by her platonically yet repelled be Leon if his affection is non-romantic. i like the idea that Vince and Leon can never agree on anything besides the MC being good company. i think part of the allure is that, knowing the murders coming up and i assume MC being targetted at one point, under that daydream's scenario, that thered be the potential for a Leon-Vince truce under the name of worrying about her and wanting to see if she's okay
and (b) is because it immediately sets up this assumption that MC is usually their mediator (personality depending, but my MC definitely would have been). therefore, giving more credit to the assumptions the MC is sleeping with the band/breaking them up, and also setting up further How Done with this Vincent must be if none of the MC's usual peacekeeping has worked. and the MC does kind of act, narratively, like "part of why the band broke up" if both Vincent and Leon are in any way clingy or jealous in a "no, she's MY best friend" manner
and (c) is in case Leon dies. idk if you ever watched the show, Fraggle Rock from Jim Henson, but there's an episode where all the Fraggles mistakenly think Mokey died. and Red is just in shock going "No! No, she can't be dead! She isn't! She can't be dead because she's my best friend! She's my best friend!" before she found out Mokey is actually okay. and i think thatd be my MC's reaction to Leon dying due to all these hcs i do
for the record, i am also trying to come with hcs around my MC and Shiloh too, but im having more trouble with him, idk why though
but yeah, again, this isnt meant to be like "can MC and Leon be like this? 👉👈" bc i find that rude to request, you wrote what you wrote, i dont want to ask you to change things. im aware Leon's current distance with the MC in-game very much makes all my hcs into an au. i just like sharing my hcs for the sake of letting you know, in detail, how much this game's set up is already running rent free in my brain (lol) and bc, if i dont share with someone, im just gonna info-dump on my mama later probably and she deserves a break (ergo: need to vent this ramble somewhere, and i thought youd enjoy it the most)
if you want help replying to this (bc im aware it may be hard to besides a "nice!" lmao), id love to know some of Leon's actual opinion of the hiatus and his bandmates, since Leon himself isnt saying much to Bobby or anyone in-game (fair of him to be distant and avoid it, but also im nosy)
regardless, i hope youre having a nice day!!
Hi! I got the impulse to respond, but I don't know where to start.
Leon is tricky and it's hard to truly grasp an understanding of who he is in the Prologue and that was entirely my intention. Even though I want you guys to recognise a sense of familiarity with the band, I don't want you to know them yet. So I do find the different interpretations of Leon--that I have seen so far--really interesting. They haven't been insanely different, but they haven't been the same.
As for Leon's opinion of the hiatus, you will find out in Chapter 1! That conversation is had and was BREWING, believe me. I won't spoil a lot of it but it's not directly had between MC and Leon, there are different characters you'll hear from too. This scene is currently where I am in the writing process for Chapter 1 coincidentally.
I want to say more but everything I want to say is essentially spoiling what will come up in the story. I need to finish Chapter 1 soon, because keeping things to myself is excruciating--I don't even give my best friends spoilers because I don't want to ruin the immersion for them when they're beta testing my first drafts. I'm unwell
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kiiingsnake · 3 months ago
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Hello I have just seen your post
(college stuff) everyone give it up for the humble arapaima
What is your stance on people getting tattoos of your work? Bc your color work on his scales is immaculate and is doing Things to my brain.
you can get my work tattooed! i’ve never given the premise much thought before because i usually don’t make things that qualify as potential tattoo designs but as long as there’s credit where credit’s due go crazy
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nomeniko · 10 months ago
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hi :D for the ask game What do you wish more people understood about kazui? Which trial 2 MV do you enjoy the most, and why?
thank you for the ask i would grovel at ur feet in gratitude i hope the sun shines down and makes the light dance for u and you only today
1. if anything ive seen a few theories of kazui possibly revealing himself to be a two faced manipulator of sorts due to his self proclaimed liarness…. like ‘ohh u cant trust what he says he cld be trying to make himself look pitiable to the audience to get voted inno’ sort of theories which is. no he wont do that???
is he a liar? to a degree yes—liar not in the sense that what he says are direct falsities, but more like hes built much of his character to constantly disguise his true intentions/feelings as a defense mechanism. the lies he says are less of words from a schemer and more of redirections from someone who is, all in all, an insecure adult scared of what will happen if he isnt able to meet peoples expectations of him
as much as he calls himself a liar hes mad honest about where he thinks his capabilities lie, which is to say he doesnt believe in his capabilities at all lol. when amane asks him for help with her studies, he turns her down after some consideration bc he doesnt believe himself to be smart enough to help (despite having graduated from a university; sports degree or not credit shld be given where credit is due). when he talks to shidou post ktk attack, he refuses to admit doing any of the work in taking care of the situation and instead puts all the praise onto shidou. even his physical strength and skill (which is arguably the one part of him he does acknowledge and take some sort of belief in) is something he treats as less of something that he has achieved himself and more of an obligation of his—like, hes strong bc to him he HAS to be, bc it is expected of him to protect those who need protecting. he does want to protect others, sure, but much of that wanting comes frm how ingrained it is in him that thats what hes good for, thats what his strength is for (his timeline w/ yuno on her bday says as much nyway)
the way i see it, that self deprication of his plays back into his obsession with meeting the expectations placed onto him, or at least lessening the disappointment of others by lessening those expectations in the first place. if u tell someone that u didnt go to the right university, that u didnt do much to help anyway, that u were born so fundamentally wrong as a person that everything is bound to go to shit as long as ur there (he basically said this to es in his t1 vd im not even kidding), wouldnt that ensure the safety that youre less likely to ruin someone elses confidence in you? less likely to ruin bc in the small chance that u still fuck up, theres not much left to ruin at that point
in the end ig what i wish more ppl understood abt kazui is that hes a liar yes, but not a manipulator. he lies to stay safe, not to be a sadist or whatever. you cant take what he says at face value (in much the same way u cant do the same for any other prisoner tbh), but that does not mean u shldnt take anything he says srsly at all!!!
2. ok this one i have to give a bit of thought, mostly bc i cant pick just one
if the standards were which t2 mv do i enjoy for its direction music n visual wise, purge march takes the cake so quickly. the music itself is so bomb (which like, i cant even find a logical explanation as to why… its just so good to listen to) n the mv itself does such a great job at creating the right atmosphere, both in its flashy theatrics and the subtle uncanniness under it. mayb i have a slight bias bc tpm was the whole reason i got into milgram in the first place, but i stand by it idccc
aesthetic wise, def all knowing and all agony. the horror elements r genuinely disturbing, but not so overbearing that it overwrites the pop style that milgram has going on. i luove the use of amber for blood, plus the filters that remind me of found footage u usually see show up in asian horror movies. i think i was actually terrified the first time i watched the mv
symbolic wise, its cat always and forever god bless. it takes advantage of its aesthetics to hint at subtle secrets so well that it makes me giddy as hell. the use of colors as a part of the set, the transitions frm scene to scene having its own part in making the story, n honestly making the bg more blank than usual readjusts the focus of the mv on what matters p well. i cant mention every detail rn or else id be here all day
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