#I have to be perfect or I’ll get written up for one misinterpreted tone

[dancinjanssen]

Neurotypical coworkers when they decide they don’t like you:

Stop talking to you entirely

Sigh, roll their eyes, look away when you try to talk to them

Inhibit work because they won’t even communicate work-related things to you

Make it a point to be nice to everyone except you

Invite everyone else to things in front of you

Your boss when you mention any of this: “Not everyone’s going to like you. I can’t do anything about someone just not liking you. Just focus on your job.”

Your boss to you, an autistic person, constantly:

“It isn’t nice when you come in and just start working without saying good morning to us.”

“The tone you just said that to me in sounded rude.”

“You need to trust me and talk to me more.”

“We’re going to work on your social dynamics.”

[maespri]

okay wow, hi! i have received a good chunk of hate for this short little post from various people on the internet and in my inbox who want to mansplain their hearts out as if i haven’t played the game and am not simply interpreting it in my own way (fun)!

excuse my tone there and throughout this post, but i’m very tired of my words not only being repeatedly misconstrued, but being misconstrued by people who want to speak to me like total assholes*. im very passionate about analyzing media and characters (i do it often on this account for fun!) and the last thing i want to do is spread misinformation or give a bad take.

*if you did argue with me like an actual human being, thank you, that one wasn’t directed at you!

so here are my full thoughts, written out in more depth so as to hopefully ward off any further people who want to comment on my posts without actually reading the entire thing.

for starters, i just want to get one thing straight to the people who were talking to me like i’m 5 years old: i am a criminal psychology major. i’ve been studying both criminal justice and psychology academically and personally my entire life. you want to talk to me about childhood trauma and children who murder? i can promise you that right off the bat, i’m certain i already know plenty. please don’t undermine my intelligence.

i’ll talk about ken first, since i think a lot of people were misinterpreting what i meant by arguing that “he’s 11 years old.” this wasn’t an attack on whether or not 11-year-olds are capable of murdering someone, because they are, and i’m aware of that (don’t forget about my education, please!). however, i’m not talking about other 11-year-olds here, i’m talking about ken.

ken is suicidal. shinjiro knows that much both from ken saying it (“i even thought of joining [my mom] at one point”) and from takaya telling him (“you were planning on joining [shinjiro] once the deed was done”). it’s a result of his mom passing away and leaving ken feeling like he has nothing to live for, except to catch her murderer and kill him, too, to avenge her.

so why do i think ken wasn’t going to murder shinjiro if that was the only reason he stayed alive for 2 years? it’s not because i want him to be a perfect victim, or because i think he did nothing wrong, or because i think he’s ’too young’ to be able to murder someone, although people sure did enjoy putting those words into my mouth. it’s because of this:

i’m not sure why people were trying to argue that shinjiro wasn’t getting through to ken. if you go back and rewatch shinjiro’s death scene, you’ll see ken’s demeanor become more and more anxious the further he talks with shinjiro and takaya, and it’s because he’s starting to experience a cognitive dissonance due to shinjiro reasoning with him; ken wants to kill shinjiro, and it’s what he’s spent the last two years of his life building up to do, but he physically can’t bring himself to do it, and it’s simply because shinjiro’s words strike a chord. psychologically, a person’s defensiveness- especially a child’s- grows exponentially the more they begin realizing they may be wrong; that is precisely what happens with ken in that scene.

the more you talk to ken throughout the game as well, the more you realize he regrets what happened that night, and he’s trying to keep shinjiro’s wish for him to live his life and do good alive. now, obviously, you can argue this is just the post-death pedestal, but i personally think it goes deeper than that.

on to my next point, where i think people were seriously misinterpreting what i was saying, so let me make this clear: ken was absolutely, wholeheartedly, planning to murder shinjiro. at no point did i claim he didn’t plan to murder shinjiro. i have media literacy, i played the game. ken planned to kill shinjiro. that does not mean he was actually capable of doing so, in a few fronts.

when i was 11, i made some insane plans myself, having lived in an abusive household. that doesn’t mean i went through with any of them, and the reason i didn’t is because planning something and actually doing it in the moment takes two very different types of determination.

let’s talk about children who commit murders, since that became a point in some arguments. i want to start by saying comparing ken to every single 11-year-old who has murdered someone is like comparing apples and horses; very little in common. every case is different, and in ken’s case, they’re especially different, because he was driven by trauma.

sometimes children who experience trauma do feel like the only way to eliminate their feelings is to kill the source of their trauma. and sometimes, those children do go through with it. but ken was motivated purely by another persons death, and had that motivation for two years. that’s plenty of time to think about the ways it could go wrong and reason with yourself, even if you rarely do so; in the case of traumatized children killing the source of their trauma, it’s not always that they want to kill someone, it’s that they want to avenge. which leads me to say that in ken’s case, subconsciously, he didn’t want to murder shinjiro (key word, subconscious, meaning ken himself didn’t know he felt that way), he just wanted to avenge his mom. ken is capable of reasoning and critical thought and if those seeds were sitting in his head, had takaya not interrupted their conversation, i still believe neither shinjiro nor ken would have died.

which also isn’t me trying to argue that shinjiro shouldn’t have died, or that ken was “doing it all for nothing,” because that undermines both their characters. shinjiro’s death, sad as it was, was crucial in ken’s character development. the fact that ken planned to murder him is an important part of him. i agree that acting like he didn’t and making him a “perfect victim” is doing him a huge disservice. but i also think you’re doing him and shinjiro a huge disservice by thinking that that murder would have happened.

which leads me to my other front, as mentioned earlier, which is that ken is not going to physically overpower shinjiro in a physical fight, and— listen carefully here— shinjiro is not going to let ken kill him. i know, i just contradicted ken “i’m going to kill you” amada and shinjiro “do it, i won’t stop you” aragaki. but if you keep playing the fucking game, you might notice a few things:

1. shinjiro isn’t going to say ‘nooo don’t do it please.’ he’s going to make ken realize what killing someone means by saying ‘do it’

2. ken does not kill shinjiro after he says ‘do it, i won’t stop you.’

3. immediately after shinjiro says ‘do it,’ he then goes on to contradict himself: “BUT, i gotta warn you…” etc. he’s subtly convincing ken not to kill him by telling him what it’ll do to him.

really, my biggest point in this entire thing is the fact that i wholeheartedly believe shinjiro is not going to let ken kill him. he is not going to traumatize ken. he is not going to take the burden he’s been carrying for years and pass it right back on to ken. he is not going to let ken KILL HIMSELF after killing him (you can even see shinjiro is surprised when takaya mentions that suicide was ken’s plan). and thinking that he WOULD allow for all of that to happen? for an 11 year old to do that to himself? is a gross misunderstanding of the kind of person he is.

when takaya says shinjiro was going to die anyway, ken gets upset because he thinks it means his own efforts were for nothing. and it’s unfortunately only when shinjiro dies that ken realizes nothing changes. his mom is still dead, and her killer being dead too hasn’t brought her back, it’s only made things worse for all of the people who loved shinjiro the same way ken loved his mom. that realization is crucial, and it’s why i believe shinjiro’s death was important. that doesn’t change anything i’ve said, however.

let me summarize my points now.

yes, shinjiro dying was important. yes, ken planned to kill shinjiro. but no, shinjiro would not have let that shit happen. the fact that my simple sentence “no death was supposed to occur on 10/04/2009” sparked such debate is both impressive and incredibly obnoxious given how grossly misinterpreted it became, but i appreciate the conversation it’s sparked.

i will never understand ken amada haters. no not even when the whole “he indirectly got shinjiro killed” argument comes up. do you think this 11-year-old was planning to get attacked by this gun-wielding villain in the middle of the dark hour. do you think he was planning for shinjiro to take two bullets for him. NO! he was NOT! absolutely no death was supposed to occur on 10/04/2009, and i’d even go as far as to say shinjiro knew that as well. knew that he could convince ken not to do it. ken and shinjiro made the decision to head out together that night- the burden of guilt does not fall strictly upon ken’s shoulders. he’s a fucking kid! good grief

[cruisinwritealong]

R/S CandyHearts Challenge

Thank you @goodboylupin​ for this wonderful challenge! I had so much fun thinking this through. I hope you enjoy it! ♥♥♥

Thanks to @starstruck4moony​ and @kattlupin​ for the beta 😘

Remus hauls his backpack strap back up his shoulder with a frustrated groan, tightens his scarf around his neck, and then shoves his mittened hand back into his coat pocket. The bitingly cold wind blows hard and he hunches his shoulders against it. 

AAah-choo!

Shit, he feels like death. His throat is on fire and all his joints ache. His nose is raw and red, his eyes are puffy and heavy, and all he can think about is the warm blankets draped over his comfy sofa that he crawled out of this morning to trudge across the freezing campus to this fucking final. 

Last. One. 

He just has to get through this exam. One last final exam and then he’s free to sleep for the rest of his life...or until next term but still. If he was feeling well he’d be all but skipping to class. He knows this material backward and forwards. But his head is swimming and he keeps on snee- sneez-

Ah-CHOO! 

Uuuuugh.

He just has to get there, regurgitate it onto the page, hand it in, and then he can go home. He can do this. 

The snow crunches under his boots as he trudges along, forcing his feet to move one in front of the other towards his building. He’s probably sick enough to call in, but this test is with Professor McGonnagal and she only accepts death as an excuse to miss her class so she’ll definitely fail his exam if he doesn’t show and then he’ll fail the class and he could lose his scholarship and have to drop out. Then he’ll never get a job and end up on the streets and then people will look at him with pity in their eyes and hopefully toss him a coin and—oh, the coffee shop. 

Tea.

Fuck yes. A huge ass cup of tea will get him through this. That’s exactly what he needs...aaaaand if he gets the chance to see Sirius Black real quick well, that’s always good medicine—even if he doesn’t know that Remus exists. 

Sirius Black has only said six words to Remus in his whole life—“Would you like a honey bun?” And Remus had stared at him for an alarmingly long time just thinking to himself, “As long as it’s you,” but then Sirius looked confused and all Remus’ blood rushed to his face and he only mumbled a quick no thank you, grabbed his tea, and ran. Sigh. 

That was exactly 5 weeks and 3 days ago, not that Remus is counting. Or going to the coffee shop on the daily to see if he’s working. Or ordering a honey bun almost every time. Or dreaming about calling Sirius his honey bun or—

Cough Cough COUGH

Ouch. 

On second thought, maybe a coughing, snotting, feverish mess isn’t his best look. But fuck it’s freezing and he needs that tea. What time is it? Yes, he’s got plenty of time to duck in, warm-up, and make it to class. 

As soon as he’s inside the shop he pulls off his mittens, loosens his scarf, and unzips his coat a bit, all while stomping the snow off his boots before walking further in. The heat from the cozy little coffee shop defrosts his bones and hugs his aching muscles and it feels so nice that Remus moans out loud before he can stop himself. He hears a throat clearing from behind him.

Shit.

“Come on in, I got the heater cranked nice and toasty just for you.”

When he looks up, none other than Sirius Black himself is standing there in all his glorious perfection. How he can even make a barista apron look sexy is beyond Remus’ comprehension and really, really unfair.

Everything about Sirius Black is simply gorgeous. Every inch of him, down to the last detail just does it for Remus. The wisps of hair that fall around his temples, the silky look of his longer raven hair, the piercing, unique silver-blue of his eyes outlined by the curving, eloquent lashes. Remus could and has written poems and pages about just his face. Not to mention his sharp, stubbled jawline and pouty rose colored lips. And then there’s the strong, wide shoulders and strong, toned arms, and long fucking legs and that goddamn body and OK Lupin focus! He’s talking to you!!

“Umb, h-hi. It’s really cold.” Remus internally cringes at his horse and stuffy sounding voice and lack of intelligent conversation and when he looks to Sirius’ face he sees his easy smile falter a bit.

“Hey, are you ok? Don’t take this the wrong way please but, you look miserable.”

“Oh. Yeah,” he tries to laugh it off, “I habe a co—a col—AH-CHOO!” He lowers his handkerchief, “A cold. Sorry aboud that. I—”

“Remus, you should be home in bed. What are you doing out?”

“Well I juss needed some tea before my final. Trust me, I’d much radder be in bed—wait. You know my nabe? How do you know my nabe?”

“Oh, um,” Sirius’ laugh sounds forced and almost embarrassed. He scratches the back of his neck. “The red head you come in with sometimes is sort of hating, sort of dating my best friend. So...I um, I asked her who her cute friend was.” He swallows hard.

Remus has forgotten how to have a coherent thought and just stands there in silence with his jaw dropped open a bit. He blinks. 

“Buuut I’ll just get you that tea,” Sirius spins away on his heel, completely misinterpreting Remus’ silence. “Still on a cinnamon kick? I can make you your usual. Or I could make you something herbal with some ginger. I hear that helps with a cold. But I’m sure you know what’s best.” Sirius talks rapidly as he walks behind the counter and fusses with the equipment. 

Remus realizes Sirius is trying to fill the silence and quickly move on from what he just said. Because Remus is still gaping at him with his mouth open and still hasn’t said anything because motherFucker he thinks I’m cute! Cute. I’m cute. Cute friend? Oh, that’s me. Nice to meet you.

All he’s ever said to me is “honey bun” and now he knows my fucking name and I’m the cute friend and am I awake? Maybe I’m still on the sofa at home? I must be asleep because he knows my fucking name. He said… shit breathe. I have to breathe. I have to breathe and I have to talk!

“Honey bund,” blurts out of Remus’ stupid, traitorous mouth. Fucking hell.

Sirius stops the frantic tea making and lifts an eyebrow in confusion, “Honey bun?”

“I mean... I didn’t dow you dew my namb. And you asked me if I wanted a honey bund. Before. When I came in before, but that’s it.” Remus scrunches his face and tries again. “Sorry, I took bedication and I think it’s eating my brain. You said …I’m cute?”

A smile unfolds on Sirius’ face and it is like sun rays breaking through the clouds. It is breathtaking and Remus can only stand there and bask in him. Without conscious thought the corner of Remus’ mouth pulls up a bit too.

“You’re sweeter than a honey bun. And very cute.” 

“I...No that’s...You—Ah-Choo!”

“You’re also pretty sick. And as much as I want you to stay, I’m thinking you should probably be resting, yeah?”

“You’re sweet doo.” Remus smiles. “Um. I have to go take this stupid test and then sleep for a few days but...um, could we maybe, um—”

“Yes.”

They both laugh and smile at each other.

“I’d love to go out with you Remus. As soon as you feel up to it of course.”

“I’d really like that Sirius. May I habe—hab—Ah-Choo!”

Sirius frowns in sympathy. “Well I hope you can rest really soon. Here. It’s not actually tea, just um, just hot water with some cloves, lemon and ginger because my friend swears by this when she’s sick. I hope you like it. I can make something else, I just thought—”

Remus reaches out to take the cup but when his fingers wrap around the cup and Sirius’ fingers, he doesn’t let go. “This is perfect. Thank you.” 

“Good. ...Good.”

After a moment Remus lets their fingers slide apart and wraps both his hands around the steaming cup. Now he’s warm for more than one reason.

“Oh,” Sirius says, “I um, I wrote my number on the cup. You can call me if you need more tea or anything. Soup even. Or a date. Whatever you need.”

Remus laughs. “Sounds good...I’b glad I stopped in.”

“Me too.”

“See you soon Siri���Siri—Ah-Choo! Uugh.” He does his best to smile back at Sirius while he bundles up again. “Bye Sirius.”

“Feel better, Remus.” 

Sirius’ sweet caring face consumes his mind as he walks to his building, somehow not as cold as he was before. When he enters the classroom he nods hello to Lily and she waves him over to his saved seat. When he reaches his desk he sets down his tea, pulls off his mittens, scarf, and coat. Lily begins giggling to herself and Remus is very confused.

“What?” he asks her quietly. All she does is rotate his cup around so he can see the writing on the side and gives him a very knowing look.

438-9713

Feel better soon Honey Bun 

xo SB

[the-nysh]

P1:I find it both fascinating and frustrating when it comes to Katsuki's wrong doings because I can't fully agree with the sentiment "bullying is bullying" and I feel Bakugou is a good character to explore that in examining the different severities of bullying which doesn't have to equate to invalidating victims experience (which are also variable) by doing so - discussion tends to describe it as so awful and he must apologise (which I don't disagree with) but awful can describe well more awful-

P2:-kinds of bullying, like actually going out of your way daily to harm someone and relentlessly take away their sense of safety and dignity. Maybe I care because the extent of the bullying itself (and his behaviour at UA, which I think is still bad but distinct from bullying) sets the tone to Deku introductory relationship to him and Bakugou's apology (which was wonderfully taking responsibility for his behaviour but works with his actions in part because it was not worse behaviour in his - P3: -past). Bakugou's behaviour in response to his insecurity, jealousy, fear and intolerance makes sense, his bullying was to push Deku away and coloured all his interactions with Deku, but he aimed to have those interactions be infrequent which feels like it plays a role in how Deku's (besides his own inners strengths) early feeling is that Bakugou is a conceited jerk in response to Bakugou's attitude towards him. In the story it all feels in proportion (well except Bakugou almost having to - P4: - to die, but that is more about him having a moment in Deku's shoes which in turn informs his understanding, his apology and how he goes about making things right from that apology, while also experiencing that panic of potentially not getting a chance to apologise to Deku), meanwhile it often feels like things are never aligned and in proportion on fandom and even nice takes veer towards implying bullying veered towards severe because discussion lacks the language to talk about nuisances.

So basically....what Hori’s created and written thru Kacchan’s character arc is proportional, consistent, and hyperspecific to his own fictional settings (world building) and his characters’ circumstances. But when fandom tries to discuss it objectively, Hori’s intent & nuances often get colored by people failing to separate the text from their own personal experiences & projections with bullying (ie Deku is not them, and Kacchan is not their childhood bully). Or things just get flat out misinterpreted by poor translations (ahem, including the lasting damage from Fallen Angels’ harsh mischaracterizations), including cultural differences and the like. Leading to a frustrating time trying to discuss what’s actually canon. :O Oh yeah, I can understand that.

Because the truth is that Kacchan’s past shitty actions (cause he was a shitty kid, who understands what he did was hurtful) were not nearly as severe or constant as many people were misled to believe in fanon assumed they were. He never sought Deku out in that daily, oppressive & controlling way (it was the opposite; he tried to keep away from him to avoid how Deku made him feel, except when Deku voluntarily got in his way and Kacchan lashed out to get him to stop) and what transpired between them was not the familiar case of ‘american’ bullying in media either (none of that stealing lunch money or undignified shoving into lockers kinda stuff - cause Kacchan was also trying to uphold a clean record before entering UA), because it was again, all hyperspecific to Hori’s worldbuilding with quirks & heroes.

Consisting of their hero society’s view on quirklessness & people’s worth/usefulness, Kacchan recognizing quirkless Deku still held a heroic ‘strength’ (in his heart/spirit), which threw all his understandings off balance and made him feel like shit in comparison (lesser, inadequate). And Deku recklessly never taking himself into account (without a rational reality check or adequate power/training/preparation) would only lead to Deku stupidly getting himself killed by following his ‘dream’ this way. Leading to a mix of confusion from what young Kacchan couldn’t understand, pain from his wounded pride/self-worth on what best makes a hero, including the fear of Deku’s potential surpassing his and the concern for Deku’s life exacerbating all his frustrated anger towards him. That and their miscommunication from all their avoidance - cause once Deku suddenly shows up at UA wielding OfA, now Kacchan thinks Deku’s lied to him their entire lives. D: Having felt like shit before, and now thinking Deku’s betrayed him with the perfect reason to believe Deku had truly been mocking & looking down on him the entire time...?! (Which we know was untrue.) Oh what a mess of misunderstandings! Which makes their plot riveting to see how it all unfolds though.

So basically, here we have all these complicated, different factors at work to explain (not excuse) the mix of hurtful behaviors that happened. (Kacchan kept trying to push him away, which failed both because Deku kept coming back and cause Kacchan couldn’t reject the lingering feelings of concern for him as a friend either - by keeping an eye on him at arm’s length anyway.) But it gets so easily misconstrued in bad faith, or Kacchan gets unfairly flat-out demonized (one-sidedly) to the extremes, that people simply want him to suffer in proportion to their own personal revenge fantasies, incongruent with the actual text presented. Thankfully, Hori shows healing and improvement (even from rock bottom) in a much more constructive way.   

Personally, I feel Hori making it a public apology was a little disproportionate, because this was a longtime private thing between him and Deku to finally come clean & sort out their feelings, and not really anyone else’s business to spectate or judge. (Which I also didn’t expect to happen right now either - with me prepared to wait another 50chs or so til the end for it.) However, for Kacchan to reach Deku’s heart - speaking from a place of experience he knew best, to get Deku to realize where he was currently failing and being hurtful/dismissive of others - it does the job. :’) Their classmates now have the full context behind his behaviors (now understanding where they misjudged Kacchan too), and...they double as witnesses, such that no one can claim they ‘forgot’ or missed this important moment in its entirety either. Hori lays it all down very clear (consistent with everything that attentive manga readers have already known & followed), while handholding the message so there’s no misunderstanding his intent with this. While also setting things up for Deku to return a private response from his side later. To finally complete & bring everything together full circle. :’) I’ll be waiting~ 

[bellatrixobsessed1]

You say that Azula would be best to start off with total strangers in order to begin her redemption arc. In other words, you’re basically saying that a well written Azula redemption arc would be hard for many writers to pull off. If that’s the case, then you probably shouldn’t be so hard on the Bryke for not giving her a redemption arc. I do want Azula to be redeemed.

Several things here;

1. It’s kind of insulting to Bryke to assume that they can’t pull it off? I’m not even a pro writer and my most popular ongoing fic is literally just that (Azula meets a stranger forms a found family and then goes home to make amends). If my dumbass is capable of writing such a thing pro writers like Bryke can probably manage. Hell even Yang started that; it would be so easy to let her run off with the Kemurikage girls and do some soul searching.

2a. You’re assuming that that’s the only version I’d accept. Literally that’s just my ideal perfect case scenario. I think I’ve implied and outright said on numerous occasions that there are so many ways that it can go down depending on context (I’ll try to dig those up and link em when I’m not on mobile). I think that the mentioned method would be my favorite and I think that it would make the most sense. But it’s not the only way to pull one off.

2b. There are several other ways of executing an Azula redemption that I am just as fond of. One of which being the ‘Zuko is her Iroh’ method.

3. Personally I always felt like that would be the easiest to write? Like it saves the author the trouble of handling two issues at once (working through her demons at the same time as trying to make amends). IMO the multitasking is much harder. I mentioned above that it would be so easy for them to have her go off with the Kemurikage girls, discover herself, and the come back and start making progress with the gang.

3b. When I said that I said I wanted Azula to find healing with strangers first I wasn’t even necessarily talking about something on screen. Literally all they’d have to do is make another trilogy with a time skip; Azula makes a reappearance and is in a better place where she is ready to patch things up with the gang. By all means it would be awesome if they showed the process on screen (her healing with the strangers) but that doesn’t have to be the case. If it was the case it wouldn’t have to be hard, they could make a solo novel, like the kyoshi one, about her so they can devote some focus on it. They made mini solos for Toph, Suki, and Katara. The aforementioned concept can be excerpted in an Azula solo comic or novel. But again, it doesn’t have to be on screen. It very well can be an easy to execute concept. I feel like time skips get a bad rep for being lazy But honestly they can be super effective and I feel like Bryke can pull that off.

4. You’re assuming that I’m picky. I’m really not. I kind of just want Azula to be happy. Kuvira’s redemption gets shit constantly for being underwhelming, I personally enjoyed it. It would actually be extremely difficult to make me be 100% dissatisfied with an Azula redemption. The only real way I can think of is to make her OOC (ex: making her submissive and/or too remorseful and apologetic). Tbh I don’t even give the comics that much shit. I have a few major issues with them but I don’t particularly hate them. So idk where this ‘you better not be hard on Bryke >:(‘ thing is coming from.

5. I haven’t said one bad thing about Bryke or their writing. Maybe a critique here and there but like everything has flaws, no show is gonna be perfect. The only writer I give at least some shit to is Yang but that was only after he declared that the Azula fandom is a cult.

Maybe this response sounds harsh but the tone of this ask just hit me all wrong. Maybe I misinterpreted the tone, I hope that I did, so I tried not to be too bitchy here. But bottom line please don’t tell me what I’m saying or said. Because no I’m not basically saying I want an impossible to pull of arc—see point 3.

[dottiechan]

Finders Keepers Pt. 1 (A SWTOR Imperial Agent story)

Part 1 / Part 2

Word count: 1633

Summary: SIS agent Dorathine Garza is left behind on Dromund Kaas after going undercover.

A/N: Thanks for kicking my writer’s block in the butt!!! I worked Dee’s story over a little, and gave it a good angsty twist in the end! Also, who needs proofreading, right?!

@catpella​:  does she ever get out? i still want to knowwwww

Warnings: anxiety, grief

It was supposed to be just another covert mission. Infiltrate Imperial Intelligence, gather information about Operation Krenth, get extracted by the SIS. She’s done it a thousand times before - her mother used to say that all Garzas are born with a blaster in hand, after all. Hutt Cartel, Exchange, Black Sun, blast, even the Sith Academy. She’s survived them all, her devotion to the Republic growing fiercer with every assignment. It was gruesome work, but she liked it. It made Dee feel invincible when she gambled with her life and won. Better than a night at the Star Cluster Casino on Nar Shaddaa, she’d tell you.

This time, things are different. This time, the SIS went on radio silence after getting the necessary information out of her, leaving her stranded on the Imperial capital. That was 3 days ago. There will be no extraction. There will be no victory. Not this time.

Dee used to joke about her work, saying she took out the Republic’s trash for a living. She’d never imagined she’d live long enough to become the trash.

Dee counts the hours on the first day.

She knows it’s only a matter of time before she’s found out. In her shocked, panicked state, she does what she was always taught by the seasoned SIS agent who’d trained her – she reverted to the first undercover lesson beaten into her. Act inconspicuous. Cover your tracks. And above all, watch for any and all opportunities. Her chance of getting out thins with every passing second, and it’s painful to resist glancing at her chronometer as she uses up her last minutes. Stars, I never thought I’d go out in this blasted Imp armour and its stupid bucket of a helmet, she thinks as she walks across the Citadel towards the taxi pad, all forced tranquillity, casual steps and feigned respect when passing by a Sith. Dee’s seen loth cats with more discipline than some of these so called lords, but she won’t string a civilisation up for worshipping its apex predators. The Republic isn’t all that different, despite its claims.

The barracks are tidy but not exactly spacious, and a few glares are enough to make the other recruits shut up. She’s not here to make friends with Imperials, but... she doesn’t know why she’s here anymore. She repeats all she had to learn about Operation Krenth for the SIS over and over in her head until she can’t think straight anymore. Dee is homesick, utter desperation heavy on her chest as her panic melts into sadness. If the SIS wanted her dead, she would have preferred being lined up to a wall and shot. That is clean. That is fair. She won’t pretend to be a saint, won’t pretend to have followed every order to the letter, to have never worked for her own benefit on the side. But she did what the other agents couldn’t, and she did it well. Her stomach twists when she realises she’s just as expandable as the other agents, the ones she knew the SIS only employed until they outlived their usefulness, the ones she was tasked countless times to dispose of in creative ways. But when she thinks of her mother, she straight up becomes sick to the stomach.

General Garza was no doubt informed beforehand. And all she had to do to turn it around was to say no.

But she let it happen to her daughter anyway.

Dee stops looking over her shoulder after the first month. The only mistake the SIS did when they sent her on this suicide mission was giving her too good a cover. They should have known she’d use it. So when she catches the attention of Keeper, she only works harder. Edging slowly inside, earning their trust favour by favour, mission by mission. She’s too good an opportunity to be passed up, even though she knows the old man suspects something. They both have a nose for trouble, a keen sense of survival that has kept them both alive and going all this time.

When the mission to Hutta is outlined, an unspoken truce is made between the two. Friend or foe, honesty or lies, they need each other. Imperial Intelligence needs her to infiltrate a Hutt’s palace – child’s play for an agent of Dee’s calibre. In return, she needs them to trust her enough so she might get close to Operation Krenth from the Imperial side.

A small voice in the back of her head tells her it’s only so she could get home, to the Republic. That by ensuring a Republic victory, she’d be forgiven. But with every single day she spends in the heart of the Empire, she knows the inevitability of her revenge. She has the upper hand – she remembers all the SIS security codes, the secure channel decryptions, the standard operating procedures, the preferred tactics. In the Imperial helmet, Dee is just another infantryman, just another number, just another body to be dropped. Which is why she is in the perfect position to remind them why you must put down a rabid kath hound, why you must cauterise a wound before it festers.

“Welcome to Operation Krenth, Agent.”

Keeper’s voice is undecipherable. Dee wouldn’t put it past him to know. It would be the perfect test of loyalty. She clicks her heels together and stands at attention, the prospect of payback momentarily soothing the constant pain of betrayal in her chest. Betrayal and abandonment for a sin she wasn’t even deemed worthy to know by her old superiors.

“I’ll make you proud, sir.”

...

“Total mission failure, General. I’m telling you, they have a mole in our ranks! They knew every move we’d make before we did them!”

“Calm yourself, Lieutenant Jorgan,” Garza replies as she forces herself to be still and tranquil despite the catastrophic outcome of Operation Krenth. Instead of ensuring the Empire’s defeat, they only doubled their own by trying to stop an Imperial stealth mission on Ringo Vinda, losing a key Republic shipyard in the process. A devastating blow, considering the resource and material that went into cracking Operation Krenth.

“With all due respect, how can you say that, sir?” the Cathar seethes as he rounds the holotable, clenching and unclenching his fists. “Your own daughter died giving us intel on the Imps.”

“I don’t need to be reminded what we lost during our campaign, Lieutenant,” she barks, tone sharper than intended. Not a day passes without Garza thinking about Dee, and how the SIS was forced to abandon her on Dromund Kaas. It’s as good a fate as death for a spy, and to mount a rescue op of that scale would not be supported by the GAR. Her rationale knows this. But there are days when she just wants to commandeer a shuttle, sling a rifle over her shoulder and blast her way into the damned Dark Council chamber to demand her daughter back. Elin Garza knows Dee is dead, she can feel it in her bones. She knows her demands are empty, childish threats; her hopes naive and otherworldly. There’s not a thing she can do or say to undo the damage that’s already been caused.

It doesn’t mean she can forgive herself just yet.

“That... was out of line. I’m sorry, General,” Aric says, his head sinking between his shoulders in defeat, anger, anguish. “I just... keep going over the mission in my head, constantly. Thinking what I’ve done wrong, what piece of intel I might have misinterpreted.”

“It’s impossible to tell. Maybe we simply waited too long. Let the intel grow stale.”

“We did everything by the book. It was supposed to be one of the easy ops. Now, I’ve lost two Havoc men, more regulars than I could count, the second largest Rep shipyard on Ringo Vinda... Something doesn’t add up,” Jorgan sighs as he places his hands on the holotable and leans forward, letting his eyes search the holoimage of the destroyed shipyard as if his own failure was written in the debris.

“Rest, Lieutenant. Recharge. Fill the gaps in Havoc squad’s ranks.”

Garza is already behind her desk, eyes trained on the incoming reports on her datapad. Aric Jorgan knows his general better than to try and say anything more. Her attention is already elsewhere, far away from what she has been saying just minutes ago. So he mutters a “yes, sir” and grabs his helmet, fingers gripping the plastoid so hard he could snap it in half. Dee might have been an SIS agent when she disappeared, but she was a rookie under his leadership a few years before that, and such emotional ties are not easily broken. He might not have had anything to do with the mission that was her downfall, but that doesn’t mean he will not keep feeling responsible. Like it was his fault somehow. Like he could have prevented it in any way. And the fact that he cannot investigate without Garza’s blessing doesn’t exactly help soothe the Cathar’s nerves.

Just as he’s halfway through the door, Elin’s voice halts him. She does not look up, her concentration is not once broken. But her intentions have never been clearer.

“Once you do that, I want you to report back to me, Jorgan. You will take Havoc squad and unravel the real reasons behind this defeat. Learn all you can and keep HQ and the SIS updated on the situation. We must avoid incidents like this in the future. And more importantly, I won’t allow my daughter’s death to have been in vain.”

It’s been a long time since Aric stood at attention willingly, unironically, without being told to do so. He finds himself doing just that now anyway.

“I’ll make you proud, sir.”

[rangerslayer-97]

An Analysis of Ahsoka and Windu's Interaction in TCW Finale Season 7 Episode 11 - Why Windu's Comment is in the Right

It's been 28 days since the Clone Wars finale finished. It has been 31 days since Episode 11: Shattered aired. This was the infamous episode that had a good majority raging anger at Jedi Master/General and Council Member Mace Windu.

In the opening 5-6mins, we see the Jedi Council meeting via hologram, the scene we see taking place on Coruscant in Star Wars Episode 3: Revenge of the Sith. Moments after, Ahsoka walks in with Rex. Now, this opinion might put me in the crosshairs of some people who will think differently, but I have an inkling or belief some are misinterpreting this particular scene.

Let me make it clear first: I love Ahsoka. She is one of the greatest characters brought into the Star Wars mythos by George Lucas and brought to life by Dave Filoni and voiced wonderfully by the talented Ashley Eckstein. Do you want to know how much Ahsoka Tano means to me? I wouldn't have come back and embraced Star Wars again had I not discovered her character watching random Rebels clips on YouTube which led me back to the Clone Wars ~2yrs ago.

I greatly thank Ashley Eckstein for bringing me back to the fandom. Back to the main point, separating voice actor/actress from their character. In my point of view, I'm NOT directing it at EVERYONE, but some of those who love or big fans of Ahsoka so much there's no fault in her. Her character had faults in the beginning and she's still a flawed character. Ahsoka is flawed, but so well written, she is relatable and to a certain degree, perfect. That's not what I'm on about. It's about the lash and some giving Windu the slap because of how he addresses and speaks to Ahsoka post-capture and detainment of Maul.

We all know, but to refresh some, Ahsoka Tano left the Jedi Order, this effectively removing her status as a Jedi Padawan and Commander of the 501st Legion of the Grand Army of the Republic. She chose to walk away and strip herself of everything, military rank and privileges. She is essentially a standard citizen trying to survive and make ends meet of a cruel galaxy, in a dying Galactic Republic. We are well aware, the twilight of the Republic and the Jedi was near, inevitable and unavoidable. So let me reiterate Ahsoka's stance, because this is an important point. Tano is a CITIZEN. She's a CIVILIAN.

Push forward to the Siege of Mandalore, without a doubt, some time has passed and Ahsoka's walkabout took place before the Bad Batch arc, with Republic on shaky battle grounds against the Separatists on Annaxes, which it's sitting on a major hyperspace lane direct to Coruscant (way too close for comfort).

By the time Ahsoka fills in the Council about the status of Maul and Mandalore, here comes the scene that had a lot of people running up the walls of how Windu addresses and treats Ahsoka. Let's remind ourselves of some vital quotes and points. Ahsoka was not a Jedi, she gave that up. She could have chosen to enlist directly into the GAR instead as a commissioned officer or take back her position as Commander via the GAR. Positions and military rank were given to the Jedi by their own status in the Order. Knights and Masters given General, Padawans ranked Commanders (Obi-wan an exception since he had a Clone Marshal Commander).

The Siege of Mandalore was going to be a sticky one despite success because Mandalore is a neutral planet, though it had links to the Republic, but is very much neutral. I won't go into complexities, but visit the YouTube channel Generation Tech, they did a very good exploration into it. I'll avoid politics standpoints for now.

Back to the primary point. Ahsoka stated she only fought in the siege as her duty as a citizen, but as not a Jedi.

"I did my duty as a citizen." - Ahsoka Tano

She also says prior to that statement:

"I will escort Commander Rex when he delivers him to Coruscant." - Ahsoka Tano

Finished with:

"No, not yet." - Ahsoka Tano

This is the key point here. Ahsoka is a citizen. She aided as a citizen, fought as a citizen and she is taking time out to escort Commander Rex and the 332nd back to Coruscant. After that, she would have went her separate ways (but we all know disaster strikes). To make it clear: Ahsoka Tano is a citizen who freely involved herself in what would have been a campaign, part of the Outer Rim Sieges and in extension, Jedi business.

Now, the statement Windu make upon the 'wrapping up' of the meeting.

"I'm sorry, citizen, but these are matters for the Council to discuss." - Mace Windu

And this where lovers of TCW nearly flipped the table. The scenario was read and interpreted as rude and maybe even condescending on Ahsoka, despite her service in the siege. However, I think the scene is being read incorrectly.

Ahsoka openly stated before the High Jedi Council that she is a citizen, only fought as her duty as a citizen. How often in real life do you hear a citizen involving themself in a military campaign? It's almost unheard of, but this is Star Wars and it's fiction, but there is real life influences that make logical sense.

In this case, there is without a doubt somewhere in the regulation handbook of the GAR that under any circumstances are civilians NOT to be disclosed to military information. Military information and even to involved in the Council meeting, it's something not be shared with a civilian. Sharing what is classified information is a MAJOR breach in security. I'm not saying Ahsoka is a spy (though she does become a pretty badass one one in Rebels), but because of her status as a civilian, she cannot be disclosed such information. Heck, even if the boys wanted to see her again, Ahsoka cannot walk into the Clone Barracks anymore. She probably can, unless someone escorts her, people like Rex or a fellow General such as Anakin.

We already know Windu is getting stressed by the war, almost desperate to end the war and we all know the action he takes in the film. Windu does love the Republic, if I'm correct, it was quoted in Stover's ROTS novelisation, he thought he is doing best for the Republic.

Anyways, I think there are those being too harsh on Windu. Think about it again, I'd you were in Ahsoka's shoes, a citizen after fighting in a siege, essentially part of the Clone Wars, neither you would be privy to sensitive information. Windu is stoic as it is, it's not his attitude, it's his tone that came across as condescending. He was only repeating what Ahsoka stated to them, so his mindset was: "alright, you called yourself a citizen, then you shall be treated as such". Yes, his tone might not have helped much, but he is right. Ahsoka could be disclosed what is highly sensitive and classified information. If they did, just because she used to be part of the Order, it is A MAJOR BREACH in security protocol.

To repeat: Windu is correct to tell Tano that she cannot be disclosed what goes on in a Council Meeting or the situation of the war. It is all down due her status as a citizen. It would be a different story if after leaving the Jedi, she reinstated herself by enlisting with the GAR.

Just remember that despite misgivings, Windu is a highly valued member of the Jedi Order and a highly skilled one. He is also powerful in the Force. Before the war broke out in 22 BBY, he was trained as a Jedi Guardian, up to the events of TPM, he was already a Master of the Order and even one of the best swordsman of the time. He was first taught under Grand Master Yoda, then his years as Padawan up to the Jedi Knight Trials learning under Jedi Master T'ra Saa. At a very young agree too, he discovered his rare Force ability to see shatterpoints in the Force. This skill greatly aided Windu at how hissy would his future actions, along with the vulnerability of the opponents he faced. Because of his ability in shatterpoint, Windu even had glimpses into parts of the future of how he works build his lightsaber.

Windu also created one off the most difficult lightsaber forms that the Jedi Order forbade except to even and perhaps even his own student: Master Depa Billaba. Quinlan Vos is another notable practitioner. A counteract style to Form VII: Juyo. He created Vaapad, along with another Jedi Master named Sora Bulq. Quoting Windu on his description when he created the form:

"I created Vaapad to answer my weakness: it channels my own darkness into a weapon of the light." - Mace Windu

Windu had his own struggles with the Dark Side and he channelled that into a form. To use ones own inner darkness and channel it into a weapon of the light and not even fall in the process. It's an opposite of Juyo, the style being more of a 'state of mind' and not just another fighting style. To channel their own darkness and accept the fury of an opponent whereas Juyo as described by Kreia:

"Predictably, he seeks to unbalance you with his erratic attacks. His technique is called Juyo, the most chaotic of the lightsaber forms. This form sacrifices much to bolster offense, leaving one exposed to attack by the Force." - Kreia

This post had gone on long enough, all I'm saying is to maybe read the interaction between Ahsoka and Windu a little bit differently. Windu is correct not to disclose classified information, even council information especially with her status as a civilian. Perhaps don't be quick to judge Windu or even just think twice. Sorry for the long post, but I needed to get out of my head.

[blancheludis]

Tagging: @tokky231

Fandom: Marvel, Avengers Characters: Tony Stark/Steve Rogers, James Rhodes, Pepper Potts, Bruce Barton, Steve Rogers Chapters: 32/?, Words: 177.126

Summary: Tony meets his soulmate under the worst possible circumstances. It is not just a kidnapping gone wrong. It turns out Steve and his gang picked him on purpose and they want some personal revenge. If only he had managed to say the words written on his soulmate’s arm before they threw him back out into the streets.

—

JARVIS announces Steve’s arrival at the tower when Tony is in his workshop, grease on his nose and wearing yesterday’s clothes. The message leaves him frozen for several seconds.

“Do you want me to let him in, sir?”

“Yes,” bursts over Tony’s lips before his mind has fully caught on. When it does, he nods and says again, “Yes.”

After their dinner, Tony tried to view their short-lived acquaintance to be over. They beat the bad guy together but that was not enough to equip them to handle the aftermath.

Try as he might, Tony cannot even blame Steve. To be asked to leave their entire life behind for a stranger, no matter the words on their arms, is too much. Tony sees this now, and yet he would do it again. He cannot keep being affiliated with the Avengers. Not if he ever wants to see a shadow again without the fear of being stabbed.

Perhaps he is projecting his trauma on the wrong people. Despite the way they met, the Avengers have turned out to be steadfast allies, coming in to save him with little regard to their own safety. They came for him. But that is not enough.

If Steve is returning now, only two reasons come to mind for it. Either he is here to tell his goodbyes, or he has changed his mind. Even now, Tony is not sure which he would prefer. Nothing has become clearer since the day they met. On the contrary. Tony’s fear has mellowed, turned almost into a need. He is perfectly aware, however, that he does not always know what is good for him. And he cannot make any mistakes with this, not when he already feels like he consists mostly of cracks anymore.

“Colonel Rhodes has gone out to meet Captain Rogers,” JARVIS says into the brittle silence of the workshop.

That is what finally pushes Tony into motion. Whatever Steve is here for, he wants to hear it himself. Rhodey wants to keep him safe, but he could easily scare Steve away again, and Tony is tired of waiting.

Tony gets up quickly after saving his progress. On the way to the door, he looks down at himself. His trousers have holes, and the colours of his shirt have long ago faded into shades of grey. Nothing to do about that. This is who he is more often than the slick persona he dons for the press, so if Steve is not here to say goodbye, he will need to get used to that anyway.

As he steps into the elevator, he still wipes over his face and runs a hand through his hair, trying to tame it a bit. It is a hopeless case, but that has never stopped him before.

“If I may say so, sir, you look handsome as always,” JARVIS says, a note of humour in his voice.

Tony’s chest glows with warmth. In a way, JARVIS is programmed to take care of him, but even years after creating him it takes him by surprise that JARVIS actually does.

When the elevator door opens, he finds Steve a mere few feet away from him, stared down by Rhodey. At his arrival, they both turn around.

A hint of red is creeping up Steve’s neck and he looks generally flustered, while Rhodey’s expression is rather smug. Pity rises in Tony at the sight, but he squashes down on it mercilessly. Whatever Rhodey said, Steve deserves it.

“I don’t mean to interrupt you,” Tony says with more cheer than he feels. “I’d just like to hear whether Steve is here to stay.”

Steve stares at him, eyes roaming over Tony’s attire. Before Tony can wonder whether he should have taken the time to clean up a bit, a wave of heat smashes into him through the bond that has him almost staggering. So, he guesses he does not look too off-putting.

“I’ll leave you two to talk,” Rhodey says from somewhere behind them, voice muffled thanks to the deafening heartbeat in Tony’s ears.

He nods and then he hears steps getting quieter. He does not look away from Steve to confirm they are alone. And they are alone, for the first time ever, if one does not count JARVIS. Even in the café, Thor had been watching Tony’s back.

He is not sure what to make of the flutter of excitement in the pit of his stomach that could be easily mistaken for fear. Tony knows better, though. He is thoroughly acquainted with fear thanks to the past weeks. This is a step up, harbouring the possibility for something more.

Steve still looks tired, dark badges under his eyes and a certain weariness to the curve of his lips. At the same time, he carries himself like he has lost a lot of the weight he was carrying around. His back is straight without the painful tension Tony has become used to seeing. His face is open, not hiding the hope nor the sense of being lost that is sitting in Tony’s own chest too.

They are alone and no one is out to kill Tony anymore. They have no more reason to hide from each other or, if they wanted, to stick around. This is the point where they decide their future. Tony has never been less prepared for anything.

“I’m sorry,” Steve says to break the silence long minutes after Rhodey has left.

That is like a slap in the face. Perhaps Tony has misinterpreted Steve’s presence. Perhaps the transmitted heat was shame and the desire to be anywhere but here.

“For coming?” Tony asks through clenched teeth. He has no right to feel disappointed, so he tries his best not to show it.

A grimace pulls at Steve’s features. It could mean anything, but Tony is sure it is nothing good.

“For – this.” Steve gestures at his arm.

Oh, Tony thinks, he means the heat and whatever it stands for. It should be flattering, of course. In a way, it is. Tony remembers the first thing he thought about Steve while he was merely semi-conscious in that warehouse was how attractive Steve is. All the drama they went through never really left time for them to look at each other, but he is. Almost like he was sculpted, a Greek statue come to life. Even his stubbornness equals the marble.  

“It’s all right,” Tony says, hard-pressed to keep his tone neutral. Surely this is a good sign. They should probably not stumble from not-quite allies into being immediately attracted to each other, but it is a better start than being repulsed.

If he can see Steve as beautiful that means he cannot be afraid of him anymore. Right?

“I’ve just never seen you like this.” Steve gestures vaguely at Tony, his cheeks glowing with a faint red.

As if wearing faded band shirts and sticky jeans is somehow more attractive than a three-piece suit. Then again, the Avengers as a whole seem to have problems with businessmen and rich people, so this might really be a positive development for Steve.

Tony shakes his head. They are not here to talk about whether he looks good or not. “Well?” he asks. “What are you doing here?”

For once, Tony is not trying to kid himself about the answer he wants. Other people might call him crazy and he is not so sure himself how sane he is, but he wants Steve to stay.

In the very beginning, he would have been glad to get rid of Steve. Things have changed insofar that Tony has seen Steve’s potential. He has been hurt by him, his wishes were ignored, but he has also been saved, has felt the same worry he sometimes sees in Rhodey and Pepper’s eyes. That has to mean something. If it does not work out, they can still go their separate ways. Maybe, though, fate is on to something. Even if they are not cut out to be the perfect match, Tony would like to put this matter to rest. Peacefully, if at all possible. The last weeks are already tainted with too much regret.

“I – we split,” Steve says and hangs his head as if afraid to see Tony’s action, even though this is what he asked for. “The team in DC still has to make a final decision but everybody here is in favour. We’ve agreed to – try our hands at other things.”

The misery is almost palpable in the air, making it clear how hard a step this was. But this is it, Tony realizes. Steve really did it. He met Tony’s insurmountable demand and has come here presumably to ask Tony to let him back in, considering that he has not appeared spitting poison and calling damnation down on Tony’s head for pushing him into this position.

“That’s good,” Tony says but winces at the reluctance in his own tone. He wanted this, he does not get to feel bad for Steve now. He has no reason to, anyway. The way he sees it, things were bound to go wrong at some point if the Avengers kept up their work.

“I think it is,” Steve agrees, going a long way in reassuring Tony, no matter how slowly he says the words, seemingly dragging them up from deep down. “So, I’m here.”

What now? Where do they go from here?

“Do you have somewhere to go?” Tony asks because that is easier than to talk about how the rest of the team took this, what Steve means with saying they have agreed to split up. Somehow, he does not think it is that easy.

Steve scratches his neck, not quite meeting Tony’s eyes. “I applied to college,” he says like there is nothing to it. “I can stay at the base until then.”

That takes Tony more by surprise than Steve’s presence. When he asked Steve to stop being a criminal, he did not really think about what he would do instead. Despite his hopes, he did not believe they would get that far.

College means he must be serious about this, building himself a ladder to the future. That is so much more than Tony could have hoped for.

“Or you could stay here,” Tony says before he knows what he is doing. He freezes, then decides to just roll with it. “In the tower, I mean, we have guest suites. Thor and Bruce are living in one. Just in case you want to. Comes with all the amenities.”

He cuts himself off before he can start rambling in earnest. The offer is not completely selfless. It has the advantage of Steve being close, yes, but more importantly, JARVIS can keep an eye on him here. It is not that Tony thinks Steve is lying to him, but they are still mostly strangers and trust does not come easy to Tony. Less so now than before.  

Steve looks taken aback. It does come out of the blue, especially since they are still standing in the entrance hall of Tony’s home.

“I don’t want to crowd you,” Steve then says, sounding like he is afraid of refusing outright while being convinced that he should.

Tony cannot blame him for that. He has told Steve to stay away so many times, it makes no sense for him to change his mind now. Only it does. On an instinctual level he cannot explain.

“Have you seen this tower?” Tony asks by way of an explanation. “I’m safely tucked away up here. You can’t get to me if I don’t want you to.” The thought comes to him that it is now him pushing Steve into something he does not want. “Listen, this is just an offer. You’re welcome to stay, but I won’t force you.”

What a pair they make. Never quite committed to being enemies, just like they are now unable to make the jump to being something more.

“If you really don’t mind,” Steve says quietly, looking like he expects Tony to laugh and call gotcha.

Tony stares, needing a minute before the words register as what they are. An acceptance, however reluctant.

“I don’t,” Tony says, then turns back around to the elevator with a jerk of sudden energy. “Let me show you. You can decide then.”

He does not look whether Steve is prepared to follow him but simply presses the button and steps into the elevator when it comes. Any emotion from Steve could make him stop and he does not want that. Now that he has made the offer, he wants it to happen, bad idea or not.

They do not talk on the short elevator ride down. Tony looks at his phone, waiting for JARVIS to pull up a list of which suites are available. He has no intention of telling Steve about JARVIS just yet. In a way, that is his contingency.

Pepper is responsible for outfitting the guest floors, so they are welcomed by an elegant warmth, too artificial to be a real home but almost the next best thing. Thick carpets muffle their steps as they walk down the hall. Tony has the crazy idea to ask Steve about the artwork on the walls. He has had no hand in picking it, but this is his tower and now that he has invited Steve in, he cannot quite squash the need to impress him, if just a little bit.

They reach the last door of the hall and Tony swipes his card at the door scanner. He does not need to do that, of course, but he thinks that Steve, even in his dazzled state would notice the door opening on its own and ask some question. Better to keep his cards close to his chest while he is still wondering whether he is doing the right thing here.

Tony has not had much reason to visit the guest suites, but he knows their layout from when he planned the tower. They are spacy and welcoming. Large windows show the city and let the sunlight filter in unhindered. The furniture is light and elegant, sparse enough for the guests to decorate after their own wishes but placed strategically to give the picture of a complete home.

The kitchen is fully equipped, the bathroom bigger than some other people’s living room. This is not a place to be ashamed of. And yet, Tony awaits Steve’s judgement, tension creeping into his shoulders.  

He stands stiffly in the middle of the living room and he watches Steve look around, noticing the careful placement of feet, how Steve avoids stepping on the carpet, how his shoulders are drawn up, how he swallows several times. This is a rejection waiting to happen. Tony thinks it is because of him and not the suit but his fingers are still itching to get his phone out and ask JARVIS whether a grander one is available.

Finally, Steve comes back to face him, trying to make himself smaller than he is. “This is too much, Tony,” he says and bites his lip as if to keep himself from adding something.

A lifetime of experience tells Tony that means that he is too much, not good enough. He takes a moment to breathe and then, on a whim, concentrates on the bond. If Steve is disgusted with him, he should be able to feel that. The bond just mirrors Steve’s discomfort, thrumming with tension. Tony does not know what to do with that.

“It’s being unused at the moment,” he says, pretending this is just about the suite. Tony fixes problems and finding new rooms for Steve is something he could do. Easier, in any case, than changing himself and their situation.

Steve nods, barely a stiff inclination of his head, but says, “Let’s – I’m not sure I should do this.”

Tony finches, too late to suppress it, and curses himself immediately after. Here he is, inviting Steve into his tower while he cannot even listen to him without battling old fears.

Steve notices. Of course, he does. “What?” he asks, stopping himself with a jerk from stepping forward. “What did I say?” He does reach out with his hand and leaves it hanging there awkwardly for a moment while they stare at each other, debating how misplaced such a reaction is.

It takes some effort to school his face into something reassuring, especially since the bond is pulsing with his elevated heartbeat, but Tony manages a small smile. “Nothing,” he says and shrugs. “That was just a bit close to your words.”

Steve stares at him, face full of shock and slowly morphing into realization and then dismay. “You don’t want to – does it hurt? The bond?” Almost as an afterthought, Steve adds, “It did that for me when Stane had you.”

It makes sense. Tony is constantly getting mirrored feelings from Steve, so how could it not be the same for him. Knowing that Steve had been rushing towards the warehouse, having a front-row seat to witnessing Tony’s panic and fear, feeling his heart break as if it were his own, leaves Tony cold. Such intimacy sits wrong with him. On the other hand, that is exactly why they are here.

“I had nightmares about it,” Tony says lightly, not sure why he admits that. It is done. They cannot change it anymore. And, in the time since, Tony has assembled a dozen more things to have nightmares of.  

“You – oh.” Steve’s face falls. Where he was worried before, his expression now eases into something blank. His frown smoothens, his lips go slack, bloodless. “I’m so sorry. I don’t know –”

“It’s all right,” Tony lies, effectively cutting Steve off.

That first nightmare was born of the wish to go back and erase the words from his arm. At that time, they seemed to be the worst thing to ever happen to Tony. That has since been rectified.

“It’s not all right,” Steve argues vehemently. Golden sunlight is filtering in through the window behind him, bathing him in a glow that makes him almost look like a vengeful angel. “We hurt you and then I handled it in such an abysmal way afterwards. I’m sorry I didn’t back off. And I’m sorry you’re – afraid of me.”

The way Steve’s hair shines like a halo makes it impossible to look away. “It’s all right,” Tony repeats, this time more firmly. They will never get anywhere if they keep picking at everything they have done wrong. “If you had backed off, Obadiah would have likely succeeded in killing me. And I’m not afraid of you.”

Tony is not even sure himself whether that is a lie. He remembers the nightmare vividly, remembers having a visceral reaction when he mistook Thor for Steve before their interview. If he were dropped in the Avengers’ base right now with no direct way out, he might be afraid. But here and now, with sunlight streaming in through the windows that leaves no doubt about the remorse in Steve’s eyes, with JARVIS watching over them and several other people close by, Tony is not afraid. Not quite comfortable, either, considering what they are discussing, but he does not think Steve is going to hurt him.

Not physically, at least. When Steve takes a step back, out of the sunlight, Tony realizes that it would hurt him if Steve walked out of here right now.

“I should leave,” Steve says, face once again drawn tight and covered in shadow. “Thank you for the offer, but perhaps it is best if I left New York.”

The words sit between them, echoing inside Tony’s head. This is not how this is supposed to go. Steve cannot just leave after Tony put himself out there, offering if not a new start at least a new path, one with fewer potholes.

“Why would you do that?” Tony asks, surprising himself when his voice raises almost to a yell. He is brimming with sudden irritation, making him restless. He wishes he would have something to take apart to keep his fingers busy. Instead, he simply drums them against the side of his leg.

Steve’s eyes widen, taken by surprise by the sudden shift of mood. “Because you –”

Despite having asked, Tony does not want to hear Steve’s reasoning. Anger flares hot inside him.

“You don’t get to run away now,” he barks, taking a step forward. That only makes it more obvious that he is smaller than Steve but he does not care. “When I asked you to leave me alone you didn’t, and now that I’m asking you to figure this out with me, you’re turning your back on me? Is this how you do things? On your terms or not at all?”

Perhaps he made a mistake by bringing Steve here, by thinking they could reclaim some autonomy over their fate together. They truly have been doomed from the very beginning if Steve will not do anything when he is not the one initiating it, when everybody has to dance after his tune.

Steve looks like he wants to run. Shoulders hunched, legs hip-width apart, staring at Tony as if he has just seen him for the first time. “I’m sorry, Tony,” he says and runs a hand through his hair. “I don’t know what you want me to do.”

A laugh bursts over Tony’s lips, brittle but sharp. He has made it clear what he wants, Steve just does not listen.

“I want you to stay so we can make sense of this,” he says, enunciating each word as clearly as his agitation allows. His fingers burn with the need to poke them into Steve’s chest or to shake his shoulders until he sees sense. “I want us to get our shit together and see what will be best for us.”

The need to build a time machine to stop all of this from happening has never been so strong.

Steve crosses his arms, showing clearly that nothing will be solved easily here. “Me leaving will obviously be best for you since you’re having nightmares about me,” he says, probably aiming for a reasonable tone.

All Tony hears is excuses, the same worry he has to fight inside him but that he refuses to give in to.

“I had nightmares about you,” Tony yells, then bites his lip as he tries to compose himself. “And don’t you think it’s my decision to make what’s best for me? Think hard about your answer because if you say no, I’m going to kick you back to DC myself.”

This was a bad idea, Tony sees that now. They cannot spend more than a minute together in one room without arguing when Tony is not in acute danger. His heart is not equipped to take that much stress.

Steve turns and starts walking, leaving Tony convinced that he will just march out. Out of the tower and out of Tony’s life, never to be heard of again. He should not be disappointed by that.

Instead, Steve steers towards the couch and sits down, looking like his legs would not have carried him for much longer. He rubs his eyes, blinks at the ground, while Tony stays frozen where he stands.

“I just don’t know what made you change your mind,” Steve then says, looking at Tony with eyes older than his years. They are both terribly tired.

A sigh escapes Tony’s lips. He is not entirely sure his opinion on them has changed. His feelings have, however. While he pretends to be a brain person instead of listening to his heart, he cannot fool himself in this matter.

His energy drained, Tony walks over to an armchair and sits opposite from Steve. “You did. By staying. By being stubborn. By helping me out of this.” He smiles slightly, tasting the bitterness of it. “We’re not friends, Steve, but we’re not enemies anymore either.”

They could be more is what he does not say, does not know how. They could still make something of this, something less tainted.

Steve lets his head hang for a moment, then tilts it up to look at Tony. “So, what now?”

That is what they have come here to solve. Tony does not have all the answers. “Let me deal with my company but stay in New York. Stay here,” he says, almost pleading. If Steve will leave, they should at least have tried this first. “Don’t run away until we’ve made a decision either way.”

Nothing in Steve’s expression changes but the bond is pulsing too quickly for Steve to be unmoved. Then, of course, he has to open his mouth. “The decision is up to you.”

Tony shoots up from his seat, frustration driving him back to his feet. “It’s not, dammit,” he snaps, glaring at Steve despite beginning to think that this is hopeless. “You’ve been thrown into this the same way I was. You’ve nursed your grudge against me, no matter whether it was justified. You were willing to hurt me and I’ve seen by now that that’s not exactly standard for you.” He takes a deep breath before he continues, reaching for calm.  “Being bonded to me cannot be easy for you, and I’m not going to decide anything for the both of us. We both have to come to a decision ourselves and then we have to stand by it.”

The bond is a two-way street. Steve is fighting it as much as Tony does. As he should, considering their history. They need to be honest with each other here, otherwise, it would be kinder on the both of them to separate now, before they get in any deeper.

Steve stays silent for too long, so long that Tony is certain the answer is not going to be in his favour.

“I don’t want to lose you,” Steve then says, so quiet that it is almost gets lost, Tony’s heart is beating so loud. Then Tony wishes it did, thinking that is no real argument to make.

“You can’t lose what you don’t have.” The words come out less harsh than Tony expected. He does not mean to lash out to hurt Steve. “Listen, we have obvious problems with each other. Not just with what happened, but with the grand picture, too. We live very different lives. We have had vastly different experiences up until now. I want you to find out what you want. Then we can talk again.”

That sounds like he is sending Steve away. And perhaps he is. Perhaps he just wants something permanent instead of this constant limbo, never knowing what is going to hit him next. How can he ask Steve to know what he wants when Tony does not manage to do the same?

“You think it’s that easy?” Steve asks, looking up at Tony with a shadow passing over his face.

Tony is rooted in place. He is tired but he does not want to sit back down again. It helps to be taller than Steve, if only for the moment. “Not at all,” he admits, leaning back against the armrest of the chair. He does not try to be subtle about it. “But I’m not going to navigate this before we’ve not both thought this through, and without our adrenaline levels still high.”

At this point, Tony feels the only two states he is ever in anymore are high on adrenaline and dead on his feet. There is no middle ground. Even in his workshop, he cannot stop thinking about everything that is happening, everything that is still coming.

Steve appears to shrink into the cushions, looking like he is not going to argue. “I’m sorry.”

“I know,” Tony says. He is sick of apologies, even while he is sure they are not done with those yet. Not by far. “For what it’s worth, I’m sorry too.”

Surprise has Steve’s head shooting up, eyes wary. “For what?”

They do not have time for the entire list, even though it is running permanently in the back of Tony’s head. He can give Steve the short version, though, the ones that matter most in here. “Bucky’s arm. Sam’s partner. All the people I’ve killed.”

With a jerk, Steve moves forward. Even sitting down his hand almost reaches Tony. Again, he holds himself back.

“You haven’t killed anyone,” Steve says with a vehemence mirrored in his expression. “We were wrong to blame you for that. You shouldn’t take this on.”

It is a relief, hearing that conviction, even if Tony cannot really allow himself to believe it. Weeks ago, he was preaching about accountability to the press. He is not going to bow out already.

“They are still my weapons. My company,” Tony says, keeping his face calm even though each word stings like a fresh cut. “I didn’t know, but I should have.”

Should is one of the words Howard used to love. You should be better. You should not waste your time on irrelevant things. I should have left before I knew what a disappointment you would be.

Should is just a cover for a collection of failures. No one has ever made the world better by dealing with should-haves.

“That’s not –” Steve cuts himself off and just breathes for a moment while he looks at Tony, taking him in as if he might not get another chance. “All right, we’ll think about it, and then we’ll talk.”

Relief paints over the sliver of disappointment Tony feels inside his stomach. Part of him wants to have this argument now, wants to either be the villain or to be defended. Since Steve is promising him to talk later, though, chances are high they are not done

“Great,” Tony says, nodding to himself, slightly at a loss at being cut off in his tirade against himself. “Let me know whether you’ll take the suite, then I’ll send someone to key you into the system.”

He watches as Steve takes another long look at their surroundings. It is stupid, really. What was he thinking? That the man whose job involves way too many warehouses and back alleys, who lives in a secret base, would appreciate an apartment in the most visible building in New York? Ridiculous.  

“I would like to stay,” Steve says, catching Tony completely off-guard. He even sounds earnest about it, eyes crinkling.

“Good, good,” Tony mutters, even while he still wonders whether he has misheard. He takes a step towards the exit, thinking he should go while Steve’s verdict is still in his favour. “I might need some time. There’s just so much to do for the company.”

This is not just an excuse. Since Pepper has officially taken over, Tony’s schedule has only gotten worse. He trusts her to know what she is doing, though, and they have scraped disaster close enough for him to be on his best behaviour.

“I understand,” Steve says, showing no sign of impatience, even though Tony is basically pushing him away right after insisting they need to talk. “Call me when you have the time.”

Time will not be the problem. Tony has always been good at making time for the things that are most important to him. Alas, he is also good at procrastinating when it comes to emotional matters.

“And you tell me to stay away if you need more time to think,” Tony insists. He meant that this is a two-sided matter.

Tony has been pushed around all his life, he does not want to do the same to Steve.

“I will,” Steve promises. The curve of his brow speaks of his stubbornness. “But, Tony, if you have any more nightmares about me – just tell me.”

Tony will most definitely not. New nightmare material has accumulated, enough so that Tony is sure Steve will not feature much. Why would he, when real monsters are lurking in the shadows of Tony’s mind?

Still, the smile Tony manages is brittle around the edges. “That only makes sense if you’d actually stay away this time.”

He regrets his words a bit when Steve’s expression falls, giving way to something dark, full of haunting regret.

“I would,” Steve says in a grave tone. “I promise you.”

There is nothing else to do but believe him. Tony knows liars and whatever else Steve might be, he is not that. Less clear is why Tony feels a stab at hearing that, as if Steve leaving, even at Tony’s behest, would actually be a loss.

Nothing makes sense anymore.

They look at each other for a moment longer, no more words between them. Then Tony nods and turns, telling himself he is not fleeing.

He feels Steve’s eyes in his back as he walks back down the hall to the elevator, and when he is out of sight, the feeling is still echoed through the bond. He is not at all sure whether he has made the right decision. At the same time, he is glad that Steve is here. That is a step forward at last. Now they just have to make something of it.

[raeynbowboi]

The Other Ships in My Fleet

So, I’ve already made a post talking about how I feel about certain ships in My Hero Academia, and another post about some of my other fandoms. Both posts got a lot of likes and reblogs, so I figured I’d talk about my ships from other fandoms. If this post also gets a lot of positive feedback, I’ll consider starting a second page to post my fan content for all of my fandoms, while still maintaining this one almost exclusively for My Hero Academia and Kiribaku specifically.

Klance (Keith x Lance) Voltron: Legendary Defender

I’m fully aware that this ship is probably not going to happen, but it’s really the only ship in the series that speaks to me. I will not lie, I am a big fan of dark and moody dating happy-go-lucky, and the rivals to friends to lovers element is just icing on the cake. It’s only further helped by Lance being Keith’s second-in-command. They help each other grow, and the trust that forms between them is cute and endearing. They also shared a major element to their characters. Both of them feel out of place, Keith because of his Galra heritage, and Lance because he doesn’t have a niche role.

Rabies/Rae x BB (Raven x Beast Boy) Teen Titans (2003)

While there wasn’t a lot of shipping fodder for these two in the 2003 iteration, the two are a canon couple in most versions of the teen titans, having been married in the comics (more than once, I think) so this is sort of a unique ship in that I ship it across every version of the two characters. Sporting a snarky moody goth and a lovable goofball, their dynamic was like that of an old married couple, or a moody teenager and her annoying little brother. Still, the two were good friends, and even though their personalities were polar opposites of each other, they had a lot of quiet, emotional moments together in the series. Whether you want to read them as friends or potential lovers, I think it’s hard to deny that there was a genuinely nice bond between the pair.

Garnet/Rupphire (Ruby x Sapphire) Steven Universe

As the show’s literal physical manifestation of love and a perfect relationship, it’s hard not to like the relationship between these two adorable lesbians. With the show sometimes being edited to remove the queer elements, it’s absolutely hysterical that they had the two get married in an episode very important to the plot, and put Ruby in the dress so that absolutely nobody could misinterpret her as a male. Editing it would only confuse viewers as to why everybody is in wedding attire, thus taking a very satisfying stance against censors and bigotry. Garnet also marks a first in children’s programming as the first same-sex wedding in a children’s animated show, at least as far as I’m aware.

Pearl x Mystery Girl Steven Unieverse

Although only featured in a single episode and having no dialogue, Mystery Girl (possibly named Sabina) is a very important element to Pearl’s character, being her first step toward moving on from Rose Quartz. There were fans that hoped that Mystery Girl would come back, but even if she doesn’t, she’s still important to Pearl’s character development.

Amedot (Amethyst x Peridot) Steven Universe

I know a lot of people prefer Lapidot, but frankly I find Lapis too selfish and cold-hearted to be ready for a relationship as she currently stands. I find Amethyst to be a better fit for Peridot, since they both share issues with their height. That, and the way the show frames them has romantic comedy tropes interwoven into their scenes. But even if they’re just friends, Amethyst’s approval means so much to Peridot.

Stevonnie (Steven Universe x Connie Maheswaren) Steven Universe

I’m not usually a fan of lead boy dates lead girl ships, as they tend to be very poorly done, and many feel forced, or are just boring and predictable. However, the bond between these two feels very genuine. They don’t feel like a lead boy and lead girl forced into a relationship at all. They come together very naturally, and the show takes its time to build their friendship up slowly. The show remembers that they’re kids first, friends second, jam buds third, and love interests last.

Tomstar (Tom Lucitor x Star Butterfly) Star Vs the Forces of Evil

Considering the show’s themes of monsters, racism, and not judging evil at face value, this ship serves as the most thematically poignant to the narrative that the show is setting up. It also makes Star a stronger parallel to her “evil” great great something grandmother, Eclipsa. Both are monster sympathizers with monster boyfriends. While the blood moon bonds complicate things, I see this ship as the most relevant to the themes and messages the show seems to want to send.

Tomco (Tom Lucitor x Marco Diaz) Star Vs the Forces of Evil

More of a joke/crack ship, I know it’s unlikely, but the entire episode of Friendenemies had romantic comedy written all over it. Between the literal in-universe break-up song to the show’s promotional art being inspired by dime store pulp romance novels fuel the fire that keeps this ship afloat.

Bumblebee/Bumbleby (Blake Belladonna x Yang Xiao Long) RWBY

Partners, teammates, and close friends, the ship really took off starting in season 2 during the episode “Burning the Candle”, as Blake spiraled into self-destructive habits due to obsessing over her problems. Nobody is able to get through to her until Yang comes in to talk to her. She doesn’t lecture her or beg her to stop. She instead forms a bridge of trust by first opening up about a similar situation she’s been in, and how she knows first hand that this sort of spiraling can only have negative impacts. They are shown to be parallels, as both girls are negatively effected by a loved one no longer in their life, and the trust issues that spring from that loved one’s actions. Yang was abandoned by her mother, a problem which she mentions Blake repeated. For Blake, it was the uncertainty of trusting someone’s character, and being afraid of someone slowly turning into someone else. She explicitly states in season 3 that her ex started off a nice guy, like Yang. The first time he hurt someone, there was a reason. There was always an excuse. Until eventually, she became the pardoner. The one excusing his actions. And, she expresses the fear that Yang could be following a similar path. Both girls have been hurt by someone in the past, and both girls are afraid of being hurt the same way again, and inadvertently hurt each other the same way as someone else has. It’s also known that RWBY characters tend to represent or be based on fairy tale characters. Yang is Goldilocks, and Blake is Beauty from Beauty and the Beast. However, based on the lyrics from Red Like Roses “Black the Beast descends from shadows, Yellow Beauty burns gold”, there seems to be an implication that Yang is the Beauty to Blake’s Beast. This is interestingly supported by Blake’s name. Blake is a Celtic name meaning both Black and White, and Belladonna literally means Beautiful Woman in Italian, but is also the name of a very poisonous plant often mistaken for the harmless blueberry. The duality of her name could be pointing to how she plays the dual role of both Beauty and Beast.

Seamonkeys (Sun Wukong x Neptune Vasilias) RWBY

A bit more of a crack ship, these two lovable idiots are far less likely to be canon, but since Sun is Yang’s main competition for Blake’s heart, I have no problem shipping him off elsewhere with his goofy best friend. Although they act more like usual best friends in the canon show, their relationship does have a much gayer tone in the less canon comedy show RWBY Chibi, where Neptune almost seems to act like a jealous clingy girlfriend a lot of the times. I doubt the ship would ever sail, but I mostly ship it because they’re cute together. Although, with season 6 just starting, I got the vibe that Sun was stepping aside to let Bumblebee sail uninhibited. Sun doesn’t really have a third popular ship, it’s just Black Sun and Seamonkeys, so this ship may be gaining validity in the future.

Gumlee (Marshall Lee x Prince Gumball) Adventure Time with Fiona and Cake

The male counterpart to Bubbline (Princess Bubblegum x Marceline), there’s no real difference between the two pairs other than their genders, and Gumball preferring baking while Bubblegum prefers science. Because they are effectively just gender-swapped clones of the canon ship, anything canonical between the girls is also technically canon with these two. It’s not that I don’t like Bubbline, but when given the choice between gay or lesbian versions of a couple, I’m going to be naturally inclined to lean toward the gay version.

Sasunaru/Narusasu (Sasuke Uchiha x Naruto Uzumaki) Naruto

Maybe there’s a cultural aspect I’m unaware of, but it’s a bit of a running gag in the Naruto fanbase at this point that Naruto is obsessed with Sasuke. So much so that he seems to care about him way beyond normal friendship. With how much these two obsess over one another, it’s no surprise why this became such a popular pairing. Their dynamic even dwarfed Hinata’s heartfelt confession of her love during the Pain Invasion Arc, because as soon as that ended, did Naruto go talk to Hinata? No, he immediately started thinking about Sasuke. Hinata definitely got the shaft in part II, which is a shame because I really loved her character.

Bob and Linda Belcher Bob’s Burgers

More of an honorable mention than a full on ship, I wanted to highlight them as one of adult animation’s only married couples that actually still like each other. In the wake of the popularity of the Simpsons, and the cementing of the genre with Family Guy, the stock dynamic of idiot husband and enraged but supportive wife became a recurring trope. Before long, every single animated sitcom-esque family fell into this very annoying cliche. So, finding a couple in adult animation that are not only married but still manage to show they love each other is amazing. Their marriage isn’t on the rocks, they find time to at least try and be romantic, and even when they have bets or are on opposing sides of something, the show never forgets that these two love each other at the end of the day.

Captain Swan (Killian “Hook” Jones x Emma Swan) Once Upon A Time

This relationship between Captain Hook and the daughter of Snow White and Prince Charming might sound odd on paper, but this couple is by far one of the healthiest relationships in the series. Both Hook and Emma come from broken lives, and together build themselves up to something stronger. In a melodrama surrounding fairy tales, both characters are surprisingly grounded, realistic, and skeptical cynics, a very stark contrast from the usual wide-eyed lovey-dovey couples Disney is known for. Emma’s tendency to put up walls and Killian’s tendency to always put himself first are both slowly broken down over time as Killian tries to tear down Emma’s walls and get to know her while she works on building a foundation of trust between them. The pairing feels very organic, and they definitely feel like the most realistic couple in the series as they both take turns stumbling and working toward being good for each other.

Rumbelle (Rumplestiltskin x Belle) Once Upon A Time

In the early seasons, this couple was beautiful to watch. I truly loved their chemistry and dynamic, as both of them were given such strong characteristics without simplifying either of them. However, as the show went on, it started to lose that power. The couple started to feel toxic as Belle kept waiting for Rumple to change, and he kept on lying and lying. It even reached a stopping point. A perfect one. Rumple was redeemed. He was a good man again. He could be the man Belle deserved. But instead, he slipped right back into his old ways. It was then that I fell off the band wagon for this ship. I loved it once, until I got sick of watching him hurt her over and over.

Daenerys Targaryen x Khal Drogo Game of Thrones

Although together only for a short while, this power couple won audiences over very quickly, as Drogo’s gruff but passionate affection mixed with Danny’s growing confidence and rise to power made these two iconic.

Renly Baratheon x Ser Loras Tyrell Game of Thrones

Another short-lived relationship, the remarkable thing is that Renly was literally the only character vying for the throne with fully good intentions for the realm. He was concerned with the needs of the people, and was the only morally good candidate in the War of Five Kings. Sadly, the ydidn’t get much screen time, but they were still a strong couple.

Peraltiago (Jake Peralta x Amy Santiago) Brooklyn 99

A rare exception to the don’t force the leads to date rule, the show let them form a bond over time that went from a friendly childish rivalry to a friendly dating rivalry. While each character experiences change and growth, it is not at the expense of their personalities, and the progression feels like it was meant to happen.

[worryinglyinnocent]

Fic: Wrestling with the Washing Machine

Summary: Mr Gold is rather flustered by the lovely young woman who has come to fix his washing machine.

Written for the @a-monthly-rumbelling prompt: “I’m fixing *insert appliance/furniture/house thing* and now I’m all sweaty”

Rated: T

=====

Wrestling with the Washing Machine

When Mr Gold answered the doorbell of his salmon pink Victorian home at half-past three on a Sunday afternoon, he had been expecting pretty much anything except the sight that met him.

A full marching band with banners proclaiming their support for a halibut for the next president would have surprised him just a little less than a young woman wearing jeans and a utility belt, her dark hair in a bouncy ponytail and a sunny, eager smile on her face.

“Hi, Mr Gold. I understand you have a problem with your washing machine?”

Against what was possibly his better judgement, Gold closed the door without speaking, and he stood staring at the wood for a few moments. His reputation around the town was bad enough already; adding ‘slamming doors in nice young ladies’ faces’ to the list of his sins was hardly going to make a difference.

Gold did indeed have a problem with his washing machine, namely that it would get halfway through a cycle and then randomly switch itself off, leaving him with a washing machine full of water and sudsy clothes. What perturbed him was that the only person who knew about his washing machine predicament was Dove, whom he had called in his capacity as a general handyman and jack of all trades.

Had Dove sent him some kind of stripper-gram as a joke? No, Dove wasn’t that kind. His sense of humour was sharp and dry, which was one of the reasons why Gold got on with him so well, and he valued his position enough to know not to do anything like that to his employer. Besides, the lady’s attire had been practical rather than provocative.

He opened the door again. She was still standing there, looking rather amused by his reaction to her presence.

“Who are you?” he asked, trying not to sound like he was suspicious of her.

“My name’s Belle. I’m Mr Dove’s niece. He sent me to fix the washing machine. He would have come himself, but he’s done his back in, so he’s staring at the ceiling in the living room to rest it. I assure you that I’m very competent; I do all the fixing at home.”

Satisfied by her credentials, Gold stood back and let her in, leading her through to the kitchen and reflecting that he hadn’t known Dove had any relatives at all, let alone a disarmingly pretty niece.

He’d managed to get the laundry out of the washing machine - it was now sitting in a pile in the conservatory - and he had drained out the water as best he could.

Belle took one look at the appliance and nodded.

“Yeah, I’ve seen this kind of thing before, I know what the problem is. It’s not the machine, it’s the wiring. There’s something wrong with the electricity supply, so it’ll just cut out in the middle of the cycle as the machine dies. It should be a simple enough fix if I can get to the plug socket behind it.”

She was standing with her hands on her hips, looking brisk and business-like and far cuter than she had any right to be. Tapping one finger against her lips as she thought hard, a little furrow coming between her brows, she suddenly whirled round on her heel to face Gold.

“Have you got some old towels we can put down to soak up any spills? There’s still water in the drum and I don’t want it to slop when I move it.”

Gold looked at the machine, and then at Belle, and he wondered how on earth she was going to move the thing. She was tiny, looking like she might blow away in a sharp gust of wind.

“Mr Gold?”

He realised that he hadn’t answered her, and he gave an awkward cough. “Yes. Towels. Right.”

He left the room to go and retrieve the stack of towels he kept in the hall closet for household purposes, and when he returned, he found Belle on her hands and knees in front of the machine, looking in through the door and glaring at its innards.

“I wonder when was the last time you were serviced,” she was muttering to it. “I reckon you could do with a nice deep-clean and de-scale. That’ll make you feel better, even if your power supply is causing your current woes. You’ve had all that stale water sitting in the bottom there for a couple of days now, and that can’t be very pleasant for you.”

“Are you talking to the washing machine?”

Belle jumped up on hearing his voice, looking like she’d been stung, and her face was beet red as she turned to him.

“Nope?” she said brightly, then her shoulders sagged. “Yes, I was. I find that appliances always tend to work better when you’re nice to them. If you’re constantly kicking them and telling them that they’re stupid pieces of junk, then they’re never going to work properly for you. You wouldn’t work properly for someone if they told you that you were a piece of junk.”

There was a vehemence in her tone, and Gold wondered if she had first-hand experience of such a thing. He decided that it would be better not to ask, and just to let Belle get on with the process of fixing his washing machine. If that involved sweet-talking it, then so be it.

Together they spread the towels down on the kitchen floor, and Belle set her weight, ready to move the machine.

“Do you need a hand there?” Not that Gold thought he was going to be any better placed to move the thing, but perhaps they could manage it between them.

“No, no, it’s fine. I don’t need to move it much, just enough for me to shimmy down behind it so that I can get at the plug. Besides, I don’t want to put any strain on your ankle, and I really don’t want to have to deal with two men putting their backs out thanks to moving heavy machinery.”

Gold was about to point  out the likelihood of Belle herself ending up flat on her back next to her uncle, but before he could do so, there was a shriek as the machine jolted forwards, and Belle stood up, admiring her handiwork.

“Perfect.”

Gold just stared at her in gobsmacked wonder. She must have arms of steel. He was still picking his jaw up off the floor when she vaulted herself up onto the machine and slithered down into the gap behind it, vanishing from view completely.

For the next few minutes, the only indication Gold had that Belle was even there were the occasional grunts of exertion as she fiddled about in the tight space behind the machine. Presently a slim arm appeared, putting a screwdriver on top of the machine and then disappearing again.

There was a loud bang and some muttered profanity, and Gold chanced to take a step closer to the washing machine.

“Are you all right?”

“Yes, yes, I’m fine, the stupid thing just won’t go in far enough and there’s not enough leverage to wiggle it about.”

Gold really didn’t know what to say to that, because combined with all her grunting, his mind was going to some places that were fast becoming rather inappropriate.

Her hand appeared over the top of the machine again, groping for the screwdriver. Gold hastened to hand it to her.

“Thank you!”

There was another sound that bordered closely on the obscene end of the scale, and Gold decided that it would be a good idea to sit down before his knees gave out completely. Good grief, he’d only known the woman five minutes and he employed her uncle, he really shouldn’t be having those kind of thoughts about her. She was performing manual labour, there shouldn’t be anything remotely sexual about it.

There was an exclamation of triumph from behind the machine, and Belle popped up again, wiping the back of her hand across her forehead. Her face was flushed a very pretty pink colour from the exertion, and there was sweat dripping along her hairline, but Gold was still of the impression that she was possibly the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen.

Belle pulled herself up from behind the washing machine and vaulted over it again, before giving a huge heave and wrestling it back into position.

“It should work fine now, Mr Gold,” she said brightly. “The wiring in the plug socket had gone, but I’ve fixed it now. No more trouble.”

She gathered up the damp towels and folded them neatly onto the side, and then gave him a brilliant smile. “I’ll be off now, then.”

“Wait.” Gold raced after her as she made her way towards the front door again. “I really should compensate you for your time.”

“Oh, it was nothing. I was just doing a favour for Uncle Derek.”

“I understand, but I do pay your Uncle Derek.”

Belle looked ponderous for a moment. “It was an easy job, really. Not worth much. Maybe you could buy me a drink instead?”

“A pardon?”

“A drink.” Belle grinned. “Would you like to buy me a drink as payment for me fixing your washing machine?”

“I… Yes.” He nodded enthusiastically lest his intentions be misinterpreted. “Yes, I’d like that a lot.”

“Is tonight good for you? I go back to Boston tomorrow. Aesop’s Tables?”

“Sounds perfect.”

“I’ll see you there, then. Eight o’clock?”

Gold nodded as he opened the front door and Belle trotted down the path towards the Mini parked up behind his Cadillac in the driveway. For several minutes after she had driven away, he could only stand in the doorway staring at where she had been.

Well, that was certainly a new experience for him. He had started the day with a broken washing machine, and he had ended it with a date.

[marvelousbirthdays]

Happy Birthday, hannahgisatree2267

June 5-a Steve/Daisy fluff piece where Steve is jealous of Daisys and Buckys fast friendship and bonding over mind control. Or literally any Steve/Daisy prompt, for @hannahgisatree2267

I chose the line “I’ve been thinking about you all day” to add to your prompt. This is a post-Endgame AU. For the purpose of this story, let’s pretend that Steve didn’t stay in the past/an alternate timeline with Peggy at the end of Endgame.

I hope you like this!

Written by @kathryn-claire-oconnor

Caught up in his own thoughts and staring at the people sparring across the gym, Steve only blinked when Sam threw an empty water bottle at his head. “Man,” Sam demanded wearily as he watched him. “What are you doing?”

“What? Nothing.” Steve snapped his gaze away from Daisy and Bucky’s sparring match to snatch up a water bottle of his own. “I’m not doing anything. Admiring Bucky’s technique, if anything.” Then he drank the water bottle in one go in a bid to end the conversation there. 

Sam wasn’t playing along, giving Steve a terrifically unimpressed look as he repeated disbelievingly, “’Technique?’”

“They’re sparring, aren’t they? Am I not allowed to watch and learn?” Steve couldn’t help but hope that his testy tone was only in his own head, but, judging by Sam’s unwavering expression, his friend had heard it too.

“Yeah, you are – if any of us believed for a second that’s what you were actually doing. You’re standing over here giving Daisy thousand-yard puppy eyes when everybody can see that you two are into each other. She’s just giving way for your old-fashioned ego and waiting for you to do something about it. So, do something about it, before Barnes and I get so sick of you we do something about it for you.”

Leaving that odd and somewhat ominous threat dangling over Steve’s head, Sam grabbed his gym bag and headed for the showers. Steve dropped down onto a bench with a stifled sigh, smashing his empty bottle between his hands, and kept right on watching Daisy and Bucky spar.

Which he was doing – at least partially – because it really, really was because it was an interesting match. Daisy was small and agile, and Bucky was definitely bulkier and relying a bit more on brute strength than his sparring partner. Their different fighting styles meant that they were keeping each other on their toes.

They were a good match.

And that was the other half of why Steve was watching them.

There was a spark there, between himself and Daisy; he knew they both felt it and had ever since they’d properly met after bringing people back from the Snap. But Daisy had also developed such a fast bond with Bucky over the experiences that they’d shared – like brainwashing – that it had thrown Steve for a bit of a loop, and now, despite what Sam had said, he was a little unsure where he and Daisy stood. At the same time, Sam was right; he needed to figure it out with her, for his own peace of mind if nothing else.

So, he waited, watching from afar, in a way that he could only hope wasn’t creepy. When Daisy and Bucky were done sparring, Bucky must’ve seen something in his oldest friend’s face, because he gave Steve a smile that might’ve been meant as encouraging, grabbed a Gatorade from the mini fridge, and left to shower and change in his own room.

Daisy took a water bottle from the fridge and sat down beside Steve, catching her breath as she opened her drink. “Hey.”

“Hey.”

She eyed him, taking a long drink before she asked him point-blank, “What’s on your mind?”

“Am I that obvious?” he asked dryly. She nodded with a soft smile, waited for him to continue. He twisted the cap off and onto his crushed bottle, admitting, “I’ve been thinking about you,” with a dry chuckle at himself, he added, “All day, actually. Which sounds really bad, now that I say it aloud, after watching you and Bucky for the past ten minutes.”

Daisy chuckled, grinning as she assured him, “Well, I don’t think Captain American could be anyone’s stalker, so I’ll allow it, for now.”

“Thanks.” He looked at her then, noticing the way the light caught her eyes and turned them almost golden brown.

“What were you thinking – about me, I mean?” she prompted, giving him her full attention.

There was his opening, and she was a smart lady, she knew she was giving it to him. Might as well dive right in. “I was thinking about… us? If you even want there to be an us, that is? I know we’ve been taking it really slowly as the world, you know, rebuilds around us, and I—I didn’t want to misinterpret something, read too much into something if you didn’t even want there to be an ‘us’ at all. Because I see you and Bucky, and I don’t want to hurt either one of you,  and I see this great bond between you over things that you need to be able to discuss with someone – and I’m glad you both have that, I really am – but if I need to get out of the way so that can become something more, you’re going to have to tell me, because I’m not just going to walk away from such a great woman without—”

“Hey, hey, whoa,” Daisy raised her hands to stop him, looking like she was starting to get a little lost in his tirade. “Slow down for a second here. Bucky and I? Is that what you’re worried about?” When he nodded, not sure what to say that wouldn’t make him sound even worse right now, she just looked even more puzzled. “Where did that come from?”

“You two… you get along really well together, and you’ve clearly… meshed well. I know that you and I have this… attraction, but we’ve been really slow about exploring it, and if you aren’t interested in me, if you’d rather –”

“No, Steve, I wouldn’t ‘rather’ anything. Bucky and I ‘mesh’ as friends, because there’s things that we both need to talk through, yes, and he gets it better than most, but we are only friends, and that’s all we want from each other. Okay?”

He believed her, but he wasn’t sure where to take the conversation from here, so he only repeated, “Okay,” and waited for her to continue.

Sighing and taking his hand – that was a good sign, right? – she did so. “I thought you understood, Steve. If there’s been a misunderstanding, I’m sorry. Let’s get rid of it, alright?”

“Yes, please,” he said lightly.

“Here’s what I understood, okay? You and I are interested in each other. There’s chemistry there, it’s nice. There’s been a couple dates, a little sex, but we’re not getting serious yet, because there’s still a lot going on in the rest of the world, and we’re all really busy being a part of that. But I want to get to know you, to explore a relationship with you within the confines of what is possible considering our workload right now. Does that sound right to you? Was there anything wrong, or any miscommunication in there?”

Steve gave it the moment of real consideration she seemed to be asking for, then shook his head.

“And do you feel the same way about me?” she asked coaxingly, looking a little like she wasn’t sure if she should be amused or annoyed with him.

He didn’t blame her as he squeezed her hand, promising, “Yes, absolutely. I want that – I want something – with you. As much as you’re willing to have too.”

“Then let’s take a deep breath, chill for a second, and work on that. No drama,” she gave him a pointed look. “No worrying about our best friends who would never, ever steal your girl, no pressure. Let’s talk when we can, and get to know one another, and do a little of this life thing together. Sound good?”

Finally, he relaxed, leaning down until their foreheads were touching as he admitted, “That sounds perfect.”

“Good.” She moved just enough to give him a light peck on the lips.

“Sorry if I was… not great,” he felt the need to say, even if he wasn’t sure how to categorize his own jealousy.

“You’re a worrywart, captain,” she said with a small shrug. “But you don’t have to be with me. Not ever.”

Steve grinned dryly, willing to let the seriousness of the moment pass now as he pointed out, “I guess I should’ve realized some of that when you managed to pin Bucky on the mat.”

“Probably.” She returned his teasing smile with one of her own before standing with her hand still in his. “So. I’m going to go take a shower and wash some of this stink off. You should do the same. In fact, if you were really serious about wanting to get to know one another better, we could kill two birds with one stone and talk together while… I don’t know… in the shower?”

Her casual tone was given away by the sparkle in her eyes, and Steve’s grin widened as he stood up and let her lead him away. “That also sounds perfect.”

[theweasleysredhair]

I Always Was [S.B.]

Character: Sirius Black

Word Count: 3065

Requested?: Yes/No

Summary: Y/n is in love with her best friend Sirius Black, a boy notorious for his one night stands. After he leaves her to hook up with another girl, he finally realises his true feelings.

Disclaimer: Gif isn’t mine, credit to whoever made it

Note: It’s a little tiny bit angsty (not really), but FLUFF OVERLOAD (I hope, I’m really bad at writing fluff). Also this is the longest thing I’ve ever written, like ever. Enjoy! x

+ + + + +

If there was one person you could always count on to be there for you, it was Sirius Black. He was your rock, your shoulder to cry on, your light in dark times, your everything - even if he didn’t know it. You were in love with the dark haired boy - you had been since you were eleven - and found yourself craving the lingering touches, soft hugs and wide smiles he’d set aside just for you.

From the moment you woke up in the morning to the moment you fell asleep at night, your mind would be focused on him. On his charm, on his cheeky smirk, on his loving actions. He was the most important person in your life, and you couldn’t thank Merlin enough for him.

In his own words, you were his girl. You liked that, you liked being his girl, even if you weren’t really. There were so many times, too many to count, where he’d refer to you as his in front of others around you.

In class…

“You will complete this task in pairs,” Slughorn announced to the class, clearing away the potion from his demonstration. Before the class could even burst into a panic trying to find the perfect potions partner, Sirius spoke up immediately.

“I’m with Y/n,” He flung his arm over your shoulder, “We’re the best together.” As he turned to you, he began to speak again, “You’re my girl, aren’t you Y/n?” You nodded, a faint blush fighting to show on your cheeks.

Taking part in pranks…

“Why don’t you just add the slime in with the explosion? It’ll get everywhere, and cover more people. Bigger impact, and less effort,” you spoke, pointing to the fifth step in the plan that you thought should be changed on the parchment.

“That’s brilliant!” James said, crossing out his own idea and rewriting it again in his messy scrawl. “That’s my girl,” Sirius said with a smirk, kissing your forehead.

Even in front of teachers…

“Come on, Minnie, Y/n had nothing to do with this prank,” James said to McGonagall. “Mr Potter, do not address me as ‘Minnie’,” She said with a stern tone, though her eyes twinkled in amusement - not that she’d admit how much she enjoyed these boys and their crazy antics.

“Professor, Y/n really wasn’t apart of this prank, she just happened to be there,” Remus said to his teacher. “Yeah,” Sirius agreed, “My girl is way too much of a good student to be apart of a prank like this. I mean, did you see that explosion?”

You enjoyed being the number one girl in his life, you enjoyed being the first person he’d come to when he was feeling down or needed cuddles. You enjoyed being wrapped up with him, his muscular arms surrounding you with a sense of safety and love.

It was moments like the current that you felt most happy, laying on a couch in the common room, your face laying on his shoulder and his fingers slowly brushing through your hair gently, every so often placing a kiss to your forehead.

If Sirius wasn’t known for his one night stands as much as he was, a bystander could very well misinterpret the pair as a couple, or dating at the very least.

If only.

“Alright love, I need to go and meet up with Anastasia for the night,” Sirius’ voice carried through the silent common room, shuffling around as he sat up, removing his arms from their place around you, leaving you feeling cold. It was strange how empty you felt when he wasn’t beside you. Maybe that’s just what unrequited love feels like. You sat up away from him to let him stand up, even though you really didn’t want to, and were confused as to why he was leaving in he first place.

“What time are you going to be back? Remember we made plans, we were going to-” you were interrupted with a smirk from Sirius and a wink, and you were unsure whether he even heard, or cared, about what you were saying.

“Don’t wait up for me, love,” he simply said as he left the room, taking your happiness with him.

“Hang out,” you finished your sentence to yourself, frowning as you felt a couple of tears prick your eyes. You sighed to yourself and furiously wiped the tears away before they even had a chance to fall. It wasn’t the first time he abandoned you for another girl, but it was the first time he had done so when you already had plans.

He always said you were his favourite girl, but how long were you going to let you convince yourself that he wasn’t lying, or just saying that because you were his best friend?

Because that’s all you were really. His best friend. Nothing less, but certainly nothing more.

***

“Hey Y/n, whatcha doing sat here alone? Didn’t you and Padfoot have plans tonight?” James asked as he walked into the common room after being kicked out of the library when he was with Remus. He found you sat alone, in the same position you had been in for the last couple of hours - on he couch, curled up and staring at the fire.

“We did, but he said he needed to meet up with Anastasia. And then he just sort of walked out,” you finished your short recount of the night, spitting out Anastasia’s name like it was poison and frowning to yourself.

“Well then, if he wants to hang with - or bang with - Ow! Okay, don’t hit me again, that was a joke! A pretty good one if you think about it - Ow! What did I just say to you? Anyway, if he wants to be with another girl, then I’ll just have to spend the night with you, because I happen to enjoy your company. When you’re not hitting me,” James said, fake pouting at you.

His pout quickly turned into a devious grin as you shook your head and edged away from him, “James Fleamont Potter, don’t you dare!”

“Ooooh, middle names! Must really be in trouble,” he joked before reaching over and starting to tickle you. You shrieked, moving away from the boy as you and him started to laugh. “There’s that pretty smile of yours! Now, let’s go start our day of fun!” James announced, before grabbing you by the hand. He lifted you off the couch and led you out of the room and into the corridor outside, where a couple of students stood around chatting.

“Wait a minute James! Where are we going?” You asked, following him - or rather, being pulled along with him. James turned around, making you bump into his back at the sudden pause, one of his brown curls falling across his forehead as he sent you a cheeky grin, “On an adventure.”

***

“Did you see his face?” You gripped onto James arm as you used him to support you, unable to stand up properly from laughing so hard.

“It was priceless,” James joined in, stopping in his tracks as he tried to catch his breath. “I can’t believe we just did that! We must be crazy!” You said as you giggled, letting go of the Potter boy as you shook your head.

“We are crazy, Y/n. And that was just the beginning! We’re going to do even crazier things tonight!” James flung his arms around to back up his statement.

“You’re going to get us arrested, aren’t you?” You said with an amused smile. “Not arrested per say, just perhaps stuck in detention for the rest of our lives,” he grinned at you, his eyes shining with mischief.

***

Sirius fell back on his bed, his shirt unbuttoned and half hanging off his bare chest. His arms lay across his face as he let out a quiet and frustrated growl, unable to get you out of his brain.

This had never happened before, he had never called a girl he was hooking up with by the wrong name - not ever. He never meant to - one moment he was snogging a girl against his dorm wall, the next he was being slapped by that same girl as she stormed out of the room. He sighed, thinking about your soft h/c hair and pretty e/c eyes. Without him realising, he began to smile uncontrollably at just the thought of you.

“I have to go and find her,” he muttered to himself as he stood up. He ran a hang through his now-messy hair, and grabbed his trousers to put back on as he ran out of his dorm room and nearly fell down the stairs on his way to try and find you.

The common room was empty, excluding a few first years that were huddled in front of the fire completing homework. Sirius looked around and, when he couldn’t find you, headed over to the stairway leading to the girls dormitory. He quickly and easily removed the charms from the stairs and ran up two at a time.

He knocked on the door and waited, hoping you’d answer for him. Hearing no reply, he hesitantly reached out for the brass handle and slowly opened the door.

The room was empty, to Sirius’ surprise. He looked around the room, easily being able to tell which girl stayed in which part of the room just by the belongings.

Alice had the far right side of the room, her bed decorated with a pink blanket over the red duvet, and a small white toy bunny with pink ears and a little black nose sitting on the pillow. Marlene had the bed next to her, shown by the large collection of muggle makeup - mostly lipsticks of deep reds and browns - strewn across it. Dorcas was in the middle of the room, her wand sitting on the nightstand beside the lamp, and her bed neatly made without one crease. Then it was Lily’s bed, a messy pile of duvet and books, a hairbrush and a mirror laying under the bed, beside a pair of boots that had fallen over. Finally, on the far left hand side of the room, was your bed, tucked into the corner with extra pillows to decorate.

Sirius looked at it fondly, edging his way over and carefully sitting down on the bed, as if he was scared to ruin the design. The bed looked comfy - surely you wouldn’t mind if he lay down for a while, would you? He took his shirt off and dropped it on the floor, followed by his trousers. He climbed into the covers and leant back, snuggling into your pillow, and breathing in your sweet scent. He smiled to himself, closing his eyes and convincing himself that you wouldn’t mind if he stayed for just a small nap - a small one, of course. He lay down holding onto your duvet as he imagined what it would be like to have you laying next to him right now, in his arms. Before long, he had drifted off to sleep.

***

“You still love him, huh?” James said gently, taking your hand in his and squeezing it comfortingly. You looked at the scenery around you, the trees soaring high in the air, their roots peeping out of the earth, the leaves littering the ground in a brown haze, crunching with each step you and James took. The wind wafted your hair around your face, causing you to constantly push the strands out of your face.

“More than anything, James,” you whispered, your voice barely reaching his ears due to the howling wind. Your heart raced just at the thought of the dark haired boy that captured your attention at the mere age of 11.

“You know he loves you too,” The brunette boy spoke with a nod. You shook your head, “But not in the way I want. I want him to love me like I love him. And I know that’s nearly impossible.” James let go of your hand and opening his arms out wide, “C'mere, I think you need a Potter hug.”

You gladly moved into James embrace, closing your eyes as he enclosed your frame within his arms. It felt warm and friendly, but different to how cuddles with Sirius felt.

With Sirius, it was as if all the world didn’t matter, like it disappeared around you whilst you were in his arms. Like nothing could hurt you, or make you feel sad. It didn’t matter how you were feeling, or what had happened when you were with the eldest Black brother. All that mattered was how his body felt against yours, and how your heart felt like it was going to explode.

You closed your eyes and tried to pretend that James was Sirius, and that he was holding you in his usual loving way. No matter how hard you tried, you just couldn’t do it.

“You should tell him,” James whispered. “How can I when I know he doesn’t feel the same?” You replied, opening your eyes looking up into his brown ones.

“It’s tearing you apart, babe. I hate seeing you so hung up on him. You need to tell him so you can either be with him, or move on. I know it’s hard, but you’re one of my best friends, Y/n, and I don’t want you to hurt anymore,” James told you, running a hand through your hair and offering you a small, sincere smile.

“Thank you James. I’ll tell him when I’m ready - if I’m ready,” you replied, resting your head on his shoulder.

***

By the time you got back to your dorm room, you had finally sorted through your feelings and cleared your head, thanks to James. You entered your dorm room and began to get changed into your pyjamas, deciding on an early night before classes tomorrow. Climbing into the bed, you let out a shriek as something moved underneath you, screaming at the same time as you did. You shot up, grabbing your wand in haste and aiming it at the large lump underneath your duvet.

“Lumos,” you spoke, a bright light emerging from your wand. You waved it over the figure as he spoke, “Please don’t kill me!”

“Sirius!” Your heart was racing from the shock, and you let out a shaky breath, “What in the name of Merlin do you think you’re doing in my bed?”

“Well I was napping. You know, until you decided to sit on me - which for the record, I wouldn’t mind you doing if you gave me a warning,” Sirius said to you, pouting a little as he sat up.

“How was I supposed to know that you were there? I thought you were with Anastasia? Why aren’t you with her right now?” You frowned, trying not to focus on how deep his voice sounded from being asleep for who knows how long, his black hair that fell messily across his shoulders and his shoulders, leading onto his muscly arms and toned chest that you all but wanted to run your hands over…

You blinked, forcing yourself to look back at his handsome face.

“I left early. Or rather, she did. Didn’t end up doing much,” He replied with a shrug, pulling your cover over him more with a cute, happy smile. “Why?” You didn’t know why you asked. You assumed he would shrug off the question, but he did the exact opposite.

“I accidentally said your name instead of hers in bed,” He said it so casually, as if it were a normal occurrence to tell your best friend news like this.

You nearly choked.

“I’m… sorry?” You were confused. Confused as to why he said your name, why he was now in your bed - practically naked, for that matter - and why you felt the need to apologise for something that you had no control over.

“Don’t be. It made me realise something important so I guess I should thank myself really,” Sirius smirked to himself, before looking up at you, still sat in your bed, his arm propping him up. “What did you realise? That you’re a complete idiot? Because I think it’s about time you realised that,” you said with an eye roll, crossing your arms over your chest.

He suddenly swung his legs out of the covers and stood up. Before you could process what was happening, he was stood in front of you, grabbing you and kissing you, his hands cupping your cheeks. He held you close to him, pressed against his chest, leaving no space between you. One of his hands sliding down your body to hold your waist, rubbing soft circles on your hip with his thumb.

He was breathing heavily when he pulled away, leaving you in shock and your eyes wide. “What the hell was that for?” You breathes out, your hand reaching up to touch your lips.

“To say I’m sorry,” he said, his hands still holding your hips. You raised an eyebrow, “What?” “I’m sorry for leaving you today, I shouldn’t have done that. I shouldn’t have made other plans when I know I already made plans with you. Because you’re the most important person in my life. You’re my girl, Y/n. Nobody else even comes close to how much I care about you.”

His voice was low and husky, he was speaking mere centimetres from your face, so close you could feel his warm breath against your skin, and had to force yourself to focus on his words and not his lips.

“I love you Y/n. That’s was what I realised. Please tell me you feel the same way because now I know I love you, I don’t think I could survive knowing you don’t love me too.” For the first time in a while, you saw Sirius look nervous, his usually cocky demeanour a distant memory.

“I love you too Sirius,” you whispered with a soft smile. Sirius let out a laugh of relief, wrapping him arms around you and pressing kisses across your head, “Oh thank Merlin.”

He held you so tight, and you couldn’t help but smile. This is where you belonged, in his arms.

“From now on, you’re mine,” Sirius murmured, wrapping his arms further around your body. You sighed in content, “I always was.”

[ccjisoo-blog]

date

“drabble meme : accepting!date: our characters going on a date 

they couldn’t go to the same place twice, he liked to insist, but the times they used to hang out in the same coffee shop were probably enough to destroy that line of thinking. jisoo took her time to comment on it, though ( he was cute when he looked upset ).

coffee was, still, a constant. no hints, but a line of emojis later he told her it had something to do with coffee. no surprise there. she wasn’t much of a fan of driving, so after a taxi ride involving her ignoring the driver while he tried making chit-chat and lots of more emojis to get some new information she arrived at their chosen location - or his chosen location. baekhyun had made sure he’d be the one to pick it that time. he even used the internet to find somewhere nice, and the less work on her shoulders the better.

“a milkshake shop.” her tone was nonchalant. it looked cute, but nothing more than that. for it to have won so much hyping from baekhyun she would have expected something unexpected. “can’t you look a bit excited?” jisoo managed to put on a fake smile which quickly got a sparkle of real after receiving a kiss on the cheek. “wow! a milkshake shop.” a drop of sarcasm - exactly what it needed.

so baekhyun pushed her inside, a bell ringing to announce their presence. the place was mostly empty, except for the staff on the other side of the counter. it wasn’t too small of a space, but it also wasn’t anywhere close to being huge. she kept an unimpressed expression on her face as they moved towards the cashier, and while it would have annoyed a lot of other people, baekhyun couldn’t get a smirk off of his face. it was almost like he thought he had the upper hand. the thing was jisoo was always winning.

they stopped in front of the counter, shared stares, and then jisoo was handed one of their menus. “what the heck is this?” the pictures on the piece of plastic looked nothing like the milkshakes she was used to. the smirk on his face finally made sense, and before she could try turning it back the man pointed at something among the choices. “they have some with coffee.”

“oh, shit, they have one with waffles in it?” “just order the coffee one.”

jisoo could only rest her elbow on the counter, cheek on her palm. they could easily order two, she snapped back, but he was too focused on the coffee to let her have it. maybe those things were incredibly huge and someone couldn’t survive after eating it whole, but the girl still loved a good challenge. as they moved to take a seat she couldn’t help but look back and mouth ‘waffle’ to the cashier who quickly nodded with confirmation. jisoo always won.

“seriously?” an evil laughter; a chuckle; a bite out of her waffle. he looked back at the employee probably to get some sort of satisfaction, giving her the perfect opening to taste his coffee one. as weird as the thing looked it was actually pretty delicious. was it healthy at all? probably not. did she care? certainly not. “yah, you totally forgot, didn't you?”

she poked the end of her jar with the straw, giving him a confused look. a frown slowly formed on his forehead. she shrugged, returning her attention to her mega milkshake. “you really... it’s our fourth year together and you simply forgot about it?”

before he could go on jisoo dug into her bag, throwing a small, rectangular box on top of the table. “i really didn’t think you’d be this serious about it. who do you take me as?” it was right there in front of him to see, but the look on his face showed he was still rather dubious of her memory. a complaint escaped from her mouth, pushing the box closer to him. “just open it already!”

with an unsatisfied look but still too curious to continue their discussion, he opened up the box, taking out the thin white card with nothing but a phrase written on it. “are you kidding me?” he spun around it for her to see even if she already knew what it was. reading it again made her realize her intentions could have very well been misinterpreted, but it was funnier that way. “it’s not like that!” jisoo took the card from his hand, turning it for him to see instead. “it’s written ‘shut up’ because it’s your shut up pass!”

he didn’t look impressed. she wouldn’t have either. jisoo had admittedly stolen the essence of such idea from a drama she watched several years before, but it probably wasn’t something she’d admit to him on the same day he was receiving it. if only he watched the things she recommended him it wouldn’t need to be a secret. “it’s so when we’re having one of our discussions you can use the shut up pass and i’ll be obligated to shut up.” his expression changed almost immediately. hers would have too.

the two of them were more than intense, and expecting a discussion not to appear from time to time would have been stupid of whoever thought so. so baekhyun quickly took his card back. before he could ask about it jisoo added something to her speech. “you can’t use it all the time, though! only once a week.” 

“once a day.” “no!” “yes!” “like, three days.” “okay, deal.”

they returned to sipping. a single moment of peace. after much complaining on his side jisoo only kept staring. he knew she was going to say it, and he knew that she knew about it, too. it was all in the eyes; an eternal fight. “and where is my present?” he reached for one of her waffles, taking a bite out of it while she looked very unamused. “you’ll find it eventually.” plop. and the waffle was back inside her jar.

she stared at it, confused, and then she stared at him, begging for it not to be true. “oh, come on, you didn’t!” a hand was placed against her forehead and then she had to think what would be the faster way to deal with her problem. the thing was most certainly at the bottom of her drink. should she drink it all in one go or stick her hand inside?

fuck it.

baekhyun looked impressed while jisoo was very well disgusted. there wasn’t only milkshake inside, after all, but waffles, and cream, and toppings, and while it was all tasty inside her mouth it wasn’t too pleasant against the skin. at the bottom, there was, also... something. she took it out, stared at it with a frown, and then stared at the man in front of her. “what’s this?”

he raised an eyebrow before taking the tiny plastic bag and opening it to reveal a hairpin inside. “what? you thought you were getting a ring?” and so he reached across the table to place it on her hair. it matched her well. he had good taste. “i thought you would have thrown it without protection and made me wear it with milkshake.” he smiled, taking a napkin to clean her hand. “maybe next year.”