#I have so many thoughts about these two working together on yavin and becoming friends and their friends also becoming friends | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

rjnorth-writes · 4 years ago

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“I’m gonna marry you one day.”

@seasidewriter1 - So this prompt was asked with 10 - “I’m going to marry you one day” and ended up involving 1, 2, 35, 46, 47, 63, and 64. I may have taken a page out of your book and gone a little overboard (it ended up being over 2k), but I doubt you’ll care. lol. I hope you enjoy!

Adali supposed it wasn’t exactly how she ever thought it would happen, but then again, when did life ever really go her way? Not that this was necessarily a bad thing in this case, but it was surely unexpected and that was hard to do with the Master Jedi. Though, again she supposed, Poe Dameron did always seem to find a way to surprise her and keep things interesting. There was never a dull moment with Poe around.

It had been years since Poe had extracted Adali off of Coruscant on General Organa’s orders and after a slightly rocky relationship in the beginning, as Poe definitely did not trust Adali as a newcomer, and Adali didn’t trust anyone for that matter. But the two slowly grew on one another like a fungus. And, to both their surprise, it seemed that Adali and Poe had become the best of friends in that time.

They were growing into something much more than just best friends too, though Adali was hesitant and petrified to admit so. She did recall, however, that her mother had said this: “The strongest marriages are formed when you marry your best friend.” Now, there certainly wasn’t any talk of marriage at this point. The two hadn’t even admitted their affections for one another. They had started flirtations and that was where the two humans stood.

It had been a hard day not in terms of danger, but in strenuous work loads. Adali had spent the early morning hours before the sun had arisen over the horizon getting ahead on her work orders before the rest of the day was spent training Rey in the humid jungle of Yavin 4. Poe Dameron had spent his day training up the new Red Squadron of x-wing pilots. The two hadn’t run into one another until Poe found Adali resting under a tree with her carving materials in hand while enjoying the orange hue of the sunset.

Poe had leaned against a nearby tree watching the young woman until the sun was nearly completely hidden over the horizon. The warm dimming light made Adali’s blue eyes almost look purple, and her hair (which was down for once instead of pulled back in some elaborate braid Poe didn’t know how to manage), looked shiny and almost strawberry blonde instead of dirty blonde.

He would’ve been blind not to notice how absolutely stunning she looked in that moment. Not that she wasn’t always beautiful, he found, but in that moment he found it harder to breathe and his chest a fraction tighter than normal when he found himself lost gazing at the young woman. The thought of someday losing the chance to bask in her warm air, which she most likey would’ve said was her Force signature, was nearly debilitating for him to think about.

Someday the war with the First Order would be over, and he would follow General Organa or return to the New Republic and continue to fly. Or maybe he would take a page out of his father’s book and retire there to Yavin 4. It hadn’t been what he wanted as a child, but he’d seen so much death and destruction for one lifetime. As long as he could still fly, Poe didn’t really care where he went.

But Adali would most likely try to reopen the Jedi Temple to train future Jedi. Or, as Poe refused to think, would be dead by the hands of her cousin. There were even chances for either outcome, and the more favorable one still left Poe wondering if he’d ever get to see the young woman again. It was something he didn’t like to think about, and he tried not to accept that it was there. But if there was something he could do about it, he definitely would.

Adali was one of the kindest people he’d ever known despite all of the horrors that had been done to her, and everything she’d been forced to do with the war invading into every aspect of their lives. She always went out of her way to make others feel better and to help solve their problems before ever trying to fix her own even if it put her in a bad place mentally, or physically. She’d arrived from Coruscant in a very bad way, but it was cleaner now, especially to Poe as he looked at her whenever she wasn’t looking, that she was still troubled, but she was much happier than she’d arrived. That sweet girl that smiled with her eyes, and loved with ever fiber of her being was not afraid to stick up for those unable to do so for themselves, and she definitely wasn’t afraid to put people (namely Poe) in their place when they stepped out of line.

“Are you going to just stand there all night, or are you going to join me?” Adali asked without looking up from her carving. It looked like she was carving some sort of blossom, but he was no expert on plant life.

“Sometimes it still freaks me out how you do that,” Poe admitted as he made his way over to join her under the tree to enjoy the rest of the evening in the hot jungle.

“It didn’t freak you out when I was able to find you on Jakku,” Adali pointed out, glancing up through her lashes with a coy smirk on her lips before going back to her work. The Force Bond that had somehow managed to connect them together despite Poe’s lack of Force Sensitivity had perplexed them for quite some time after they’d discovered it, but it was far easier to handle now. “Nor do you seem to complain when you drew me into your dreams and tried to have s-”

Poe cleared his throat and rubbed the back of his neck as he interrupted the woman. “Yeah, still don’t know why you went along with those,” Poe muttered, though not regretting where his dreams often took him. After all, his dreams just gave him what he wished he had in the real world.

“I was just as confused as you were,” Adali said. “But it’s perfectly natural to dream about such things, I’m told. Dreams are perfectly normal.”

“Except for Jedi.”

“Except for Jedi,” Adali agreed.

“What else is unusual for a Jedi to do?” Poe asked.

“Depends on when you’re asking,” Adali clarified. “Are you talking about the Old Republic when the Jedi Council existed, or do you mean now with only me and Rey actively living and practicing as Jedi?”

“Let’s go with the first one?”

Adali just chuckled at his hesitance to pick. “Well, Jedi weren’t allowed to form attachments, but it was expected of us to have compassion for all living things. Relations weren’t forbidden, but many refrained from them as relations often would lead to emotions and attachment. It just made things too complicated.”

“What about now?” Poe asked. “I mean, your dad married your mother, and Leia had Han. Where do you stand?”

“Emotions and attachment are perfectly natural and normal for anybody,” Adali said. “The issue that the old ways did not understand was that fear and loss, anger, depression, and all other negative emotions are also natural. Everyone, not just Jedi, had to work through them and learn to deal with them in healthy ways. Just because you can have one doesn’t mean you’ll always have the other, but sometimes it does and that’s normal. We have to accept that pain and loss is as much a part of life as love and hope and pleasure.”

“So if you were to, I don’t know, fall in love, then you’d be willing to get married and have the whole family experience?” Poe asked.

Love. Love. Love was an emotion that was not a stranger to Adali. She supposed she may have felt too much and too deeply, but she wouldn't have it any other way. She would not change herself because love was the best feeling of all. Love was happiness, serenity, peace, and joy. All she felt she needed ever was love.

But at the same time, love still caused her grief. She loved her family, and though they were falling apart, she still loved them which many didn’t understand. Kylo Ren wasn’t just Kylo Ren, he was Ben Solo, the sweet boy that used to laugh and play with her in the flowering fields and place Force Ball with. And it wasn't just familial love either.

Romantic love was tricky. Often she found herself stammering, flustered, and utterly confused on what was going on or how she felt with the man sitting beside her. These questions were not exempt from this either. When inquiring of it personally towards her, Adali’s heart skipped a beat, and the fluttering in the pit of her stomach seemed to nauseate her. The man always threw her curveballs and she wasn’t sure how to deal with those emotions.

Usually the casual flirtations they’d fallen into were something she could easily handle now. In the beginning, however, that was a very different story. But now, she looked forward to their playful banters and sweet words. Just the thought of the man and his warm brown eyes and his goofy smile warmed her, and brought a smile to her lips. But when things got more serious, like with the question he was asking her now, Adali didn’t know what to think. Was he being serious? Was he asking for himself? Was this all just friendly and innocent, or was Poe actually interested in her. Poe was a flirt and had a reputation, but she knew he’d never intentionally hurt her. But where they really stood with one another, Adali didn’t know.

“I would,” Adali finally admitted after a long while of silence. “A husband, kids, maybe some animals around for them to play with and teach responsibility. At least two,” Adali went on to clarify. “I want my kids to have a sibling like I had with Ben. Nobody should feel alone growing up.”

“Yeah, I would’ve liked a sibling to grow up with,” Poe admitted. “Two is a good number, to start and if we decide more than all the better.”

“We?” Adali squeaked and gaped, her carving tool slipping to jab into the metal finger on her left hand. Thankfully the prosthetic was more durable and was simple scratched ever so slightly. Nothing that couldn’t just be buffed out.

“Yes, we,” Poe said, smirking at how adorable Adali looked when she was utterly flushed in the cheeks. “I’m going to marry you one day.”

“Oh, you sound very sure of this!” Adali huffed. His casual tone was hard to figure out. Either he really did believe this and was casual because he knew he’d make it happen, or because he was joking and that option did not please her one bit.

“I am. You know we’re meant to be,” he declared.

“Poe, we’re not even dating! How could you possibly know th-”

“What, you’ve never thought about us?” Poe retorted, reaching over to stop her from working more. If she was going to keep using that sharp tool with how distracted she was, she was going to end up nicking her flesh and dealing with blood right now wasn’t what he wanted. Plus, by doing this he could hold her hand, something that never happened quite enough for his taste.

“What us?” Adali asked. “Poe, you’re my friend, and sure, we may flirt some but-

“Then why is your hand sweating so much?” Poe interrupted.

This is nothing to aid in rectifying her flustered self. Pulling her hands away, Adali rubbed them against her pants in an attempt to dry them. “It’s hot and humid and we’re in a jungle, I was working so of course my hands would be sweaty! Give me one good reason. Why should we date?”

“Because we’re attracted to each other,” Poe said.

Now that was hard to deny, at least on Adali’s part. While the orange and white jumpsuits the pilots wore were highly attractive, that didn’t mean Poe was. She’d seen him on many occasions in nothing more than his underthings thanks to those forsaken dreams they shared, and the man, despite not working out, was incredibly toned and tan. It had to be all those hours of picking up and working with BB-8, she assumed. But it should’ve been illegal just how delicious that man looked.

“That’s not how you build a lasting, healthy relationship, Poe,” Adali sighed.

“How about this? You’re my best friend,” Poe said. “And just seeing you makes my heart flutter, and thinking about you makes me smile. The thought of losing you scares me more than I’ll ever admit to anybody else. And I’m not just talking about losing you in this war…”

Now those words hadn’t been expected. Those words ruined her insides, and caused her breath to catch in her throat painfully. With much caution, Adali looked up into his warm eyes as the sky really started to turn dark. The sun was gone and the beautiful colors of the temporary painting in the sky was now just a memory, but somehow that just made his words ring more true. It wasn’t just some temporary, flowery thing to say to someone to flirt with. This wasn’t just some casual, playful thing.

His words were close to the definition she had in her own heart for love. Subconsciously Adali’s flesh hand moved to her prosthetic and fiddled with the wedding ring that had belonged to her mother. She’d have to replace it with something else, something that was hanging around Poe’s neck if this were true. But while she could simply move that ring to another finger, the fact that there would still be something so meaningful there in it’s place, like how her mother and father never took their rings off until their deaths, meant so much to Adali. More than she could’ve ever put into words.

“Tell me again,” Adali whispered.

“I’m going to marry you someday,” he repeated, his eyes never leaving her’s, his face serious without a trace of a smile which just pushed his point further. “I am going to marry you.”

#Star Wars #Poe Dameron #Skywalker #Adali #Ami #Poe/OC #PoexOC #Poe/Adali #Fluffy Prompt

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fandom-imagines-stories · 5 years ago

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Walls You Built

Cassian Andor x Reader

Words: 3339

Summary: Unwilling to admit their feelings for each other, Cassian and the reader spend their days wanting for more than the partnership they’ve built in the Rebellion. Their fear of their feelings, however, leads to almost losing everything.

Notes: So this ended up taking different twists and turns as I wrote it, and I hope that you guys like them! As always, let me know what you think!

You couldn’t remember the last time you’d slept in past sunrise. Truthfully, you couldn’t remember the last time you’d slept. But after returning from a month-long mission, all you wanted was to stay curled up in those standard issued blankets forever. Dreams played across your mind and made your heartache at the sound of his beautiful accent or the feeling of his rough, warm hands on your skin...

You jerked awake and sat up. No. You rubbed your eyes. You didn’t have feelings for him. You couldn’t. As if your thoughts had conjured him, you heard a quiet knock at the door. You brush off the tunic that you’d worn the day before- you hadn’t bothered to change after submitting your mission report- and opened the door just a crack.

“Morning.” Cassian greeted, awkward as usual. You opened the door fully and let him brush passed you into your quarters. He carried a small package in his hands. “You slept through breakfast. I was able to sneak you a portion.” He handed you the parcel. “You’re lucky the servers like me.”

“You’re lucky anybody likes you.” You playfully snapped back. You, needless to say, were not a morning person. He shrugged off your insult and leaned against the wall. Cassian was not the most well-liked person on the base. He was brisk and professional and kept to himself. But he was different when he was with you. He was more open, his inner wall breaking down just enough for you to get through. You could tease each other and make each other laugh when you needed it the most. But you could also let your emotions crumble without fear of judgment. Many nights, Cassian had been there for you after losing a friend or a comrade.

“I heard your mission was successful.” He noted, trying to take a piece of your breakfast ration. You nodded, swatting his hand away.

“We got the information we wanted.” You sat with your legs crisscrossed beneath you on your bed. Quietly to yourself, you added. “Minimal casualties.” Cassian raised an eyebrow.

“What do you mean?” He’d snuck a peek at the reports. No one from the team of rebels had even been injured. You shrugged.

“It doesn’t matter.” He sat down next to you, his eyes intense.

“Y/N, what happened?” Another thing about your relationship with Cassian- he could always tell when something was wrong.

“We ran into a group of radicals.” You started slowly, trying to keep the memories from getting into your head. “Once they discovered we were part of the rebellion, they gave us no trouble, but they wreaked havoc upon that town. There was this young boy who was with them. Just as we were escaping the chaos, I watched him- he couldn’t have been more than six years old- I watched him walk into a building. It blew up just seconds later.” Your eyes glazed over, but you quickly blinked the tears away. “It just made me wonder if this is all worth it.” He nodded thoughtfully, putting a hand on your shoulder.

“Is it?” He wondered. Sitting there, looking into his eyes and hearing his voice, you knew the answer.

“It is.” For a moment, it felt as if you were being drawn together. You were no longer in control of yourself as you leaned towards him and he leaned towards you. Your faces grew impossibly close until, for the briefest second, you thought you felt his lips brush gently against yours. You pushed away hastily, crossing the room to catch your breath. When you finally looked at each other, there was a silent agreement never to talk about what had just happened.

“K2 will be wondering where I am.” Cassian muttered, standing up. His heart was pounding in his ears and his mind reeled. “I’ll see you later?” You nodded, still unable to breathe. The door closed and you fell back against it, gasping for air, unaware that Cassian had his forehead pressed against the cool metal on the other side. The two of you stayed like that for what felt like forever- you desperately trying to keep everything locked out of your heart as Cassian desperately wanted to get in.

He walked carefully and quietly so you wouldn’t hear him leave. He was a practical man. Cool and calculated. He never let his emotions get the better of him. But when he was with you… the walls he worked his whole life to build around himself fell. As he turned the corner into another corridor, he cursed himself for being so careless. If he let anything become of his feelings that he harbored for you, there would be no going back. Once Cassian committed to something, he would carry it to his grave.

The rest of your day was standard procedure for a day on the base. You filed mission reports and met with other members of your team to go over the information you had learned. Once the sun started to set, you went to the training centers. There were fewer inhabitants at night and you preferred to train without the crowds of other Rebels giving you strange looks when you broke the punching bags.

You were making your way through the obstacle course, twisting through the forest, ducking under branches and dodging the training droid’s stun shots. Sweat dripped down your forehead and your mind focused only on the course. You didn’t allow it to travel back to the little boy. You didn’t allow it to think about Cassian or the dream you had had the night before. You focused on your burning muscles and beating heart. You sprinted through the leaves, the cool night air blowing through your hair.

Cassian sat on the steps leading out to the course, watching you dart in between the trees, a strange feeling rising in his chest. The moment from that morning still replayed in his mind. The feeling of your lips against his, even for only a moment. It made him think of everything between the two of you. Every joke that only he understood. Every fear that you’d shared with each other. Every side glance or small smile meant something different. He knew what he felt. Now he had to face it.

“I didn’t see you there.” You greeted casually, dabbing the sweat on your forehead with a towel. “Is everything okay?” He bowed his head, stumbling over his words. You’d never seen him nervous. At least, not around you. “Cassian, what’s wrong?”

“We kissed.” He finally blurted. You couldn't remember seeing him blush before, but sure enough, his cheeks were slowly turning a deep shade of pink. "I need to know what that means. Y/N, I-” He almost found the courage to say it. Those damned three little words. But you interrupted him before he could.

“Cass…” You didn’t know where to begin. You wanted to tell him the truth. That it meant everything to you. That your world completely turned upside down and that you never wanted to go back. But that truth scared you more than any Stormtrooper. “I-I can’t.” His face fell and you felt a piece of your heart snap. “I’m sorry… I just…” You couldn’t stand to look at him anymore. If you stood there any longer, you would break completely.

You quickly brushed past him and practically ran through the doors, disappearing down the hall. Cassian just stood frozen in place, his brain unsure of why his heart stopped beating. Then, slowly, the bricks of his wall began to fall into place, surrounding his heart with a cold barrier.

Days passed. You kept to yourself while Cassian did the same, accompanied only by his trusty droid. You had to force yourself out of bed every morning, constantly distracting yourself with training or with making reports. It was as if your soul ached, every step away from his side stiff and unnatural. Of course, you couldn’t avoid each other forever. You were assigned to a reconnaissance mission on a planet in the Outer Rim to gather information on weapon suppliers to the Empire. You had a contact in the business who was willing to hand over some records. As fate would have it, Cassian led the mission.

The other rebels on board could sense the tension and kept a safe distance away from both of you. Cassian resided in the cockpit with K2 while you stuck to the arsenal towards the back of the ship.

“Is this going to be a problem?” K2 scoffed, noticing the way Cassian gripped the controls.

“Don’t start.” He had to focus on the mission. Get in, gather information, get out. Why did it have to be her contact? While his wall held strong when he was around the base, it crumbled when he was alone. It was even worse every time he saw you. Just knowing that you were on the same ship chipped away at the cold, hard stone he’d built. Clear your head, Cassian. Now is not the time for such foolish ideals. His feelings didn’t matter. They couldn’t matter.

You buried yourself in checking blasters and shock grenades. The trading post that your contact worked in was known to host some unfriendly customers and you needed to prepare the crew for a fight. Your hands were steady with each motion while your heart beat wildly in your chest. The sudden tall figure behind you made you gasp.

“Dammit, K!” You exclaimed, nearly dropping the blaster in your hand.

“I was told to check the inventory of weapons even though it was gone over multiple times before we left Yavin 4.” K2’s annoyance was clear in his robotic voice.

“I’ve already checked everything.” You stood up, uncomfortably running your hands over your arms. “So you go and tell Captain Andor that we’re ready in case we run into any trouble.”

“Uhuh. Well if the two of you want to start acting like logical human beings, I’ll be going over the plan with the others.” You could feel the droid’s judgment as he stomped back to the cockpit. Logical. You scoffed. You were only being logical. You pushed everything you felt behind the walls you built and kept them locked uptight. The squeezing feeling in your chest was only a side effect.

The ship landed and the team of three other rebels got off into the frigid, snowy air. Usually, an intelligence-gathering mission didn’t have a team of this size, but General Dravin suggested back-up in case things get hairy. The trading post was surrounded by ships of all different sizes, some notably marked with symbols of the most notorious gangs in the galaxy. Yup… you’d definitely be needing backup.

“I think I should go in alone.” You suggested to the crew. “I know Maddux and she doesn’t tend to take kindly to strangers. Especially well-armed ones.” The other three seemed to agree with your plan, but Cassian shook his head.

“No.” He snapped, grabbing everyone’s attention. “We can’t risk you getting caught in there alone.” At the risk of sounding too sentimental, he added a logical reason. “There are probably dozens of enemies to the Rebellion in there that would turn your insides out for information.”

“I suggest that Y/N and one other go in for the information,” K2 added. The others all nodded, but none volunteered.

“Alright.” Cassian gave you a hard stare that gave no invitation for argument. “Let’s go.” Your heart dropped, but you didn’t show it. You walked side by side into the trading post, opening the door to loud music and shouted conversations between drunk men. In the back of the post, Maddux ran the bar. You brushed past fur traders and weapons merchants until you reached your contact.

“Where the hell have you been?” She hissed, pouring a large creature a pint and sliding it down the bar.

“We got caught in the snow.” You shrugged. You feigned a laugh and jutted your thumb towards Cassian. “Poor thing was complaining about frostbite.” Maddux didn’t laugh, but she gave him a nod of acknowledgment.

“He should try living here.” She motioned for you to follow her into the backroom. Cassian kept a cool head, despite the looks the two of you were getting from some unsavory characters in the corner of the bar. He’d seen them watching you since you walked in.

The back room was filled with bottles and plates, along with a few bundles of what you assumed to be spices. It was small and Cassian stood so close to you that you could feel his chest against your back. Your breathing hitched as you felt his heart beating as wildly as your own. Not that he showed it. He was the king of the stoic expression.

“So what have you got?” You started, the casualness in your voice faded. Maddux looked at Cassian with distrust so you stepped in between them. “He’s with me. I trust him.”

“Because you’ve always been such a great judge of character.” She scoffed, referencing herself.

“We take the friends we can get.” You gave her a convincing smirk and she pulled out a notebook filled with logs.

“An Imperial worker was mugged here a couple of weeks ago. Thugs killed the bastard and left this notebook. Didn’t think it was worth anything until I opened it.” You held out her hand for her to give it to you, but she just shook her head. “That’s not how that works cupcake.”

“We give you the credits after we have the records.” Cassian interjected. You shot him a look to back off.

“I’ve got plenty of other bidders who would be more than happy to take this off my hands-”

“Here.” You exclaimed, handing her the pouch. She grinned.

“Pleasure doing business with you.” She handed you the notebook and the two of you quickly got out the door.

“We need to get out of here.” Cassian whispered, eyeing the corner where the group had now disappeared.

“If we run, we’ll draw attention. Just follow my lead.” You ducked in between tables and creatures, keeping your head down and not making any eye contact. You almost made it to the door. Almost.

A hand latched onto your arm and Cassian was no longer by your side. You were yanked into a rack of strange meats, all scattering to the floor. Your attacker loomed nearly a foot taller than you, but you were quick on your feet and slid under his legs.

“Y/N!” Cassian’s voice broke through the chaos, trying to warn you as a new assailant locked your arms behind you, another landing multiple punches to your stomach. You used all the core strength you had to swing your legs up and send the creature soaring back into a couple tables. You ducked, flipping the one holding you over your back, hearing something crunch as she hit the ground. Your hands found your blaster and shot her through the chest before she could try and get up. You frantically looked around through the brawling crown. Where’s Cassian? And you felt a crack shoot through the wall around your heart. Through the panic and the heat and the noise, you saw him, battling with a man with blue skin and sharp teeth.

Without hesitating, you shot through the crowd, tackling a person before they could land a hit to Cassian’s jaw. Blaster fire shot above your head and the blue man fell to the floor. Any peaceful inhabitants of the trading post had fled while the rest either attacked you or brawled with each other. Your lip had split from a successful punch from a horned woman with golden eyes and Cassian’s cheek had a large cut just above his jaw. You were busy fighting golden eyes and you didn’t notice the dark-clad figure aiming their rifle at you from across the room.

“Get down!” Cassian shouted, pulling you down to the ground and the shot missed the two of you, hitting the woman right between those sinister eyes of gold. Cassian shielding you with his body, hovering over you. At this distance, you could feel each other’s hearts beating ferociously. Looking into your eyes, all of the emotion Cassian had tried to keep out slipped through the cracks. He smiled, relieved to see you unharmed. That brief moment of hesitation allowed for the cloaked figure to reload their weapon and take a new aim.

You saw the flash before Cassian did and for a brief moment, it felt as if the shot had ripped through your heart rather than his chest . And just like that, the wall you had so meticulously built brick by brick through years of emotional distancing, shattered and crumbled into oblivion. Fury controlled your actions as you rapidly fired your blaster until you watched one lucky shot enter Cassian’s shooter’s skull. You hooked your arms through Cassian’s, earning a pained cry as you dragged him across the floor, most of the other attackers too distracted fighting each other to notice you.

His blood seeped into the snow and the rest of the team rushed to help get him onto the ship. Luckily, you brought one of the best medics in the rebellion and she acted quickly. As he lay there, half-delirious with the pain, he gripped your hand, not letting you out of his sight, not that you could have been pried away anyway.

“Please be okay.” You begged, holding his hand up to your tear-stained cheek. You lowered your voice into a whisper so soft he could really only feel the words move against his palm. “I love you.”

Recovery was not easy, though he was lucky. The blast had missed anything vital and nerve damage would only cause limited movement in his shoulder. Discomfort, really. Nothing that the Captain of Rebel Intelligence couldn’t handle. The medic team said he should be able to complete missions normally. What hurt him the most was that you still kept your distance. Every time he saw you, you would turn the other direction as fast as you could.

In truth, the guilt had been driving you mad. Sure, you had made it out with the record intact, thus completing the mission. But you’d nearly lost the one thing in the galaxy that you loved and now that the fortress keeping your emotions locked away was destroyed and they were eating you up.

It was the middle of the night and you were training like you had been since you got back. It was rare to find you anywhere else. Cassian was worried that you hadn’t eaten, so he used it as an excuse to confront you. He brought you a portion from the mess hall and stood at the end of the obstacle course.

“What are you doing here?” You muttered. It looked the same as the day you’d left him standing alone. But you didn’t have the strength to leave him again.

“I heard you.” He said slowly and softly, treading lightly. He stepped towards you, slowly like his words. “On the ship, I heard you.”

“Cass, I-”

“Don’t.” He took both of your hands in his, forcing you to look at him. “Y/N, all this time we’ve been trying to hide behind the years of fear and of solitude to avoid confronting what we truly fear- the love that we feel. That we have both felt for a long time.” He now stood so close that it took all your strength not to collapse into his arms and let him hold you forever. “I’m tired of being afraid.”

“I do.” You choked out. “I love you.” His hands moved to cup your face and pulled your lips to his. This time, the kiss was sure and unfaltering. You would face the hurt and the fear together. For the love you shared could shake the galaxy and it would not be caged away behind a wall.

#cassian andor x reader #star wars imagines #k2-s0 #rogue one #diego luna #captain cassian andor

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andorwhore · 4 years ago

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Saudade - III of VII

Chapter III of VII: Trust

summary: A year in the life of a rebel with a cause and a rebel in search of one… chapter three: Cassian didn’t have friends. Or did he?

author’s note: I updated ff and ao3 a few days ago and forgot to post here, so we’re finally getting around to it. I’ve been thinking about adding an addition chapter to the six I already had planned, so we may see a delay in updates yet again. Stay tuned!

pairing: Cassian Andor x OC word count: 10,537 rating: T, eventual R warnings: none (yet)

chapter one || chapter two || chapter three || chapter four

[ff.net] [ao3]

After four months with the Rebel Alliance, Jai had managed to become one of the regular techs on the hangar deck. Sure, she was still often called up to the control room to deal with complex hacking jobs, but she had found that her happy place was the hangar, where things moved quickly and she could get her hands on all kinds of jobs, whether they be slicer or mechanic jobs.

And being in the hangar meant she had a higher chance of being asked to go into the field if so needed. After her first mission with Cassian, Jai initially wasn't let back out in the field; it took another month before they decided to send her on her first official job with a team that needed a tech for their mission. Since then, her away trips were still few and far between, but now she was finally getting the opportunity to do interesting tasks in the workshop.

Gar wasn't immediately willing to let Jai start working in the hangar full time. Like Cassian, he was hesitant about the seemingly disinterested slicer. But after Jai and Cassian returned from their Dennaskar mission, she pestered Gar regarding K-2SO's repairs, and Cassian at a later point commented on Jai's skill, so the head mechanic decided it was worth giving the rookie an opportunity to prove herself.

Gar realized quickly he was right to do so - Jai was obviously a great slicer, but what she was most passionate about was the mechanics of everything. He watched her tackle every complex task given to her with pleasure, a subtle though no-less-enthused eagerness to figure out how to fix or upgrade every piece of technology she could get her hands on. He had no reason to admit it out loud, as it was also far too early to say with total certainty, but Gar could see Jai taking over his job one day in the future if she continued to improve her expertise on droids.

Jai was underneath a console and inside one of the gunships' wiring when she heard her project partner call to her from where he stood on the back end of the ship, "Recruits are back; it's about time."

Jai hummed with only vague acknowledgment as she dragged herself out from under the console - she was a little too focused to really give the remark much thought.

Early that morning, a small group of recruits went out on their first serious mission, which was meant to be more of a training exercise, but Jai's partner had made some passing comment earlier that it seemed to be taking them longer than expected. Neither of them gave it much consideration beyond that, though, seeing as the job had nothing to do with them. Cassian was the captain on the training mission, which Jai didn't know until her partner had mentioned it, though there was no reason she needed to know it.

Since their mission together, Jai and Cassian had been on much better terms, though neither would go so far as to say they were friends. No one was friends with Cassian, that much Jai had figured out after these four months. The man liked to keep a distance from everyone, even those that he'd known for years. It was obvious he trusted everyone in the Alliance and that he cared about the people he worked with, even those he barely knew, but he always hesitated to let anyone in too close. That explained why a damn droid seemed to be his only friend.

"He's protecting himself." Miona had said one day when she and Jai both happened to have the time off, "Even with how distant he tries to be, he's still so empathetic, feels everything way more than he let's on. You've seen how affected he is whenever something happens to another rebel, even one he doesn't know well. He can't imagine how much more it would hurt if he actually let himself get any closer to these people."

"Sounds like you know him well." Jai responded with curiosity, to which Miona had simply shrugged.

"He spends a lot of time in medical." A smile pulled at her lips as Jai laughed lightly, unsurprised that one of the best captains in the Rebellion was prone to injury. He went on so many jobs one right after the other with little regard for rest in-between sometimes - that sort of rapid lifestyle was practically asking for injuries.

"So, you two are almost friends?" Jai grinned at the woman across from her.

"With Cassian, who knows."

As Jai retrieved her scramble key from where she had hooked it up to the pilot's computer, her partner hissed some kind of harsh, surprised word under his breath. With a raised brow, Jai turned around, assuming he had probably shocked himself or closed his finger in something while working on the panel at the back of the ship. But the man's attention was clearly trained outside of the ship, looking at something that caused his expression to knot with curious shock. Jai's own face mimicked the look on his as she turned back around to look out the cockpit windows, trying to find what the other technician was looking at.

The recruits were scrambling out of Cassian's U-Wing in distress, making way for two of them, one of which was carrying out another unconscious recruit while the other assisted their delirious and barely conscious captain. K-2SO exited behind the group as if he had been ignored.

Just like her partner, Jai hissed harshly as her eyes widened, turning to jump out of the cockpit and slip past her partner.

"Finish that up, would you?" She called over her shoulder to him as she began to briskly walk across the hangar to the mess of anxious recruits. Without withdrawing her eyes from her destination, Jai pulled out her comlink and called for Miona and another couple doctors to meet her down in the hangar. A second recruit had taken Cassian's free arm over his shoulder as Jai jogged the short distance that remained between her and them, "The hell happened?"

Despite her only being here a couple months longer than these recruits, she still managed to speak with a knowing authority, even if she didn't feel either knowing or authoritative in the matter. The wide eyes of the four unharmed recruits all turned to her.

"It was supposed to be an easy mission, but we messed up," one of them said frantically while running toward Jai, who hardly spared the other woman a glance as she quickly took in Cassian's appearance.

She brushed past to get a closer look at her acquaintance - he and the unconscious woman looked as if they had been doused in debri and soot, their skin and clothes stained dark with it. There was dried blood caked in Cassian's hair and down the side of his face, and his pants were torn across his right thigh, which would have revealed an injury if his skin and pant leg weren't absolutely dyed with his blood. Jai reached out and set a hand on Cassian's shoulder, tilting her head to see if the man was still aware enough to meet her gaze; it was immediately obvious he wasn't, his hooded eyes glazed over and staring vacantly at the ground. Jai spun around to look at the unconscious woman who appeared to be just as bad as, maybe even worse than, Cassian.

Jai's eyes jumped from one person to the next, stopping on one of the two men holding Cassian up, "Please tell me he had bacta spray on the ship."

The man nodded frantically, "We used all of it between the two of them."

"If you all had just listened to me, we wouldn't be in this predicament." K-2SO finally chimed up, drawing everyone's eyes over. Jai walked a couple of steps toward the tall droid, craning her neck to look into his face.

"What happened, Kay?" Jai asked firmly, knowing the droid would give her a better, albeit judgmental, explanation of what went wrong. Jai looked back at the group for a split second, her stare commanding, "Set him down somewhere carefully, medical's on their way."

She looked back up at Kay, "I told them it would be a trap, but they pushed forward anyway. And Cassian let them! He and Harin were practically blown to pieces!"

Jai turned back around again to look at Cassian as K-2SO continued. The captain had been sat on a crate with the two recruits remaining on either side of him to keep him propped upright. Jai spoke loud enough for K-2SO to hear, but she was speaking to herself with a nearly absent tone, "No one ever listens to droids…"

"And they're fools for it." Kay said firmly, obviously miffed to have been ignored on the job yet again.

Miona and two more doctors were there to meet the group a few minutes later, getting the two rebels situated into stretchers as Miona turned her attention onto Jai and K-2SO. The droid once more gave a short, disdainful explanation of what went down on this seemingly simple mission, not shy to let the recruits hear it.

As the other two doctors went onto the turbolifts without Miona, Jai looked back to Kay briefly, "Finish up with the recruits, I'll head to medical with Cassian."

Despite his face being expressionless, Jai felt as if Kay was questioning why she had any reason to go with the captain. And there really was no reason, seeing as she wasn't a part of this mission's team nor did she have any help to offer medically. Perhaps she was worried or curious, but maybe she felt she owed Cassian; after all, he was the one to bring her to Yavin 4 after she was shot, maybe this was a way to repay that favor. Whatever the reason, Jai didn't have to explain herself to a droid.

Jai and Miona started for the turbolift, and despite their shared concern for Cassian and the recruit (though they were confident the two would be fine), Miona grinned playfully while bumping Jai's shoulder with her own.

"If you keep disappearing during your shifts, Gar is gonna start getting pissy with you." Jai shot her friend a teasing glare as they boarded the lift.

"You skip one, maybe two shifts and suddenly you get a reputation for being a flake…" they shared a small laugh as the doors closed.

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Within a few days, Cassian was right as rain, the bacta working it's usual magic. Harin, his injured recruit, luckily wasn't in as bad a shape as he was after the blast, and she was able to leave medical in less than two days, not that Cassian had noticed. For the majority of the three days he was in the medical wing, he was unconscious and resting, the healing process far more effective with the patient remaining under.

After Miona had let Cassian's peers know he was awake, one of his fellow captains, Kinall, came to meet him once he felt well enough for conversation - Captain Kinall took over for him to finish up with the group of trainees, going over what went wrong on their first mission and how they were going to improve the next time they went out. Two of the newbies had already managed to join new missions, while the other two uninjured ones had yet to show an interest in heading back out, though they had said they were waiting so they could try again with Harin back at their sides.

Miona discharged Cassian at the end of his third evening in medical, telling him to wait at least another day before he went back out into the field - she wanted to ensure he felt completely present and sturdy before having to lead any more missions. Cassian promised her that he would do just that as he rose from his cot, his body sore from nearly seventy hours of disuse; he definitely needed one last day to feel as if he were back to normal, though he would have loved to immediately jump back into his U-Wing and head out as if nothing had happened.

As Cassian stepped out of the hospital wing, he was surprised to see Jai lingering in the hall near the entrance, talking with one of the other doctors. She didn't notice the captain as he paused and looked at her curiously, not quite able to clearly hear their conversation. Jai was there to get an update on Cassian's condition, Miona having informed her that morning that the rebel captain would probably be all good to leave medical by that evening. Since Cassian was brought into the hospital wing a few days back, Jai asked Miona for updates on his condition whenever the two women met for meal breaks.

Miona was admittedly surprised that Jai had cared enough to keep asking about Cassian; she made some passing comment about it during one of their dinners together, to which the second woman said simply, "He's an ass, but he's the ass that brought me here so I guess I owe him at least some concern."

Miona accepted the response without question, though the answer hadn't entirely squashed her curiosity.

Cassian realized after a few moments of staring that Jai and the doctor still didn't spot him across the hall, so instead of standing there dumbly, he walked over to them, the slightest of limps evident in his stiff right leg. Finally catching the movement out of the corner of her eye, Jai looked his way and quickly gave a kind and casual smile.

"Look who finally decided to wake up." She quipped, to which the corner of Cassian's lip tugged up lazily as his eyes slightly narrowed with good humor.

The doctor knew this would be the end of their conversation, as he was pretty sure Jai was only hanging around with him to ask questions about and to wait for the captain now in their presence, so he excused himself, "Remember to take it easy, Andor."

Cassian gave a nod as the doctor brushed past him and back into the medical wing. He and Jai watched the man go before turning back to one another, staring for just a moment - he wouldn't have expected her to be here. Hell, he hardly would have expected her to even hear about his injury at all - there were so many rebels here to keep track of, and Jai had to have been incredibly busy most days, so it would have made sense that Cassian being out of commission for a few days would have gone completely unnoticed by her. The fact that somehow she knew he was here was a surprise in itself.

Cassian gave a small gauche grin as he considered Jai's presence, his eyes drawing away from her - what did this say about the both of them, Jai being here and Cassian feeling a certain contentment at it? Even after they had resolved their issues three months ago, they rarely spent more than a few minutes together, and those instances were few and far between given how infrequently they crossed paths on the job. They hadn't gone on a mission together since Dennaskar, and neither felt friendly enough to seek out the other just casually, so what compelled Jai to come down to medical?

The woman had managed to grow on Cassian in some minor way, even in their far too brief interactions over these last few months. When they did see each other, Jai was usually doing a repair or an upgrade on something he needed, or the two happened to have a few overlapping minutes in the hangar where neither was tied up with something. Cassian spent very little free time in the common spaces of headquarters, and most of his meals he took in his room rather than hanging around the mess hall, giving the two no real time to get to know one another outside of the passing snide comments they threw at one another in the hangar.

But those short moments when they saw one another managed to be droll. Jai always had some witty comment to make, whether about Cassian or about someone else; and as quick as Cassian was to quip back, Jai always had more smart remarks lined up. Their relationship (or, really, lack thereof) had progressively gone from genuine scowls and rude remarks to mirthful glares and deprecating jests.

"What, Gar let you off shift, or did you just walk out early?" Cassian teased straight-faced, to which Jai scoffed; though, knowing the hour, he was sure her shift was over.

"I'll have you know I'm done for the day." She retorted - apparently it wasn't only Miona that thought Jai somehow managed to sneak away from the hangar workshop, and Jai wondered how that was becoming her reputation around here.

Cassian gave her a faint smirk before looking up the hall, flicking his eyes back to her as a silent indicator that he was going to leave, and she was free to walk with him if she wished. They fell into stride next to one another a moment later, "Were you over here to meet me?"

"Nope, I just love chatting up doctors, nothing puts me to sleep as quickly as conversation with one of them." Jai glanced up at Cassian with a sarcastic look as he smiled to himself, "Miona told me you'd be out tonight."

"And you thought I'd want yours to be the first face I saw?" He looked down to see the glare in her eyes at the quip, the way she bit the inside of her cheek as if a habit to stop herself from immediately snapping back.

"I won't hesitate to put you right back in that hospital wing." She lazily threatened after a moment, her eyes twinkling with mischief before they fell into a companionable silence.

When they reached the other end of the long hall where it forked to lead to either the mess hall or the barracks, they came to a brief pause, glancing to one another, wondering what the other wanted to do or intended to go next.

"You probably want to rest," Jai suggested, beginning to turn towards the barracks hall.

"I've been resting for three days," Cassian replied, but nonetheless followed Jai, "I don't think I'll be sleeping any time soon - I'll probably be up all night staring at the wall if I tried."

"Hm, your idea of fun sounds a little different than mine." Jai threw him a look over her shoulder as they passed through the passageway into a smaller hall. Cassian returned to walking alongside Jai; a few beats passed before she spoke up again, "You need some help staring at that wall of yours?"

Cassian looked down curiously, surprised at the offer for some company. Sure, they could make jokes when they passed in the ship hangar, but he and Jai didn't know each other like that - no one really knew Cassian well enough to simply hang out with him. Cassian didn't spend his free time with anyone else one-on-one, and he certainly never brought anyone back to his room.

Well, on rare occasions maybe he brought someone to his room, but that was for an entirely different reason…

And before he could even realize where his train of thought was heading, Cassian suddenly imagined Jai in a rather… compromising position. It was the briefest of thoughts, Cassian's eyes widening at it immediately as he quickly tried to shove it out of his head, but the impression was already left. His face twisted slightly as he glanced at Jai out of the corner of his eye, she completely oblivious to the odd change in his expression - where the hell did that stupid image come from?

Cassian gave his head a slight shake, forcing the thought to pass without giving it any more regard. As he looked back over to Jai casually, she, too, looked at him with a raised brow, about ready to dismiss her suggestion, interpreting Cassian's silence to be one of disinterest.

He quickly made a decision and replied, his tone casual as if nothing strange at all had even crossed his mind just a moment prior, "Staring at a wall is probably far more effective with two people."

Jai grinned at his reply, which was honestly not what she expected. The suggestion even surprised her a little, since neither of them had show much interest in getting to know one another, but it had slipped out, as if it were Jai's way of testing the waters with Cassian - if he agreed, maybe there was hope for their acquaintanceship, and if he turned her down, then Jai would know not to give the captain any more of her time outside of work. And when he did agree, more curiosity arose - maybe he was just as interested in testing on the waters as she was.

Winding their way through the grid of dorm halls, Jai suggested that they stop by her room to grab the bottle of Merenzane Gold that she had stashed in her minifridge, leading Cassian to ask when the hell she had time to pick some up and bring it back to the barracks. Their superiors didn't take much of an interest in what the rebels did with their free time, however, things such as alcohol were asked to be kept away from the private quarters, though for what reason no one really understood. Ask any rebel in the place if they had any drinks up in their dorms, and they were likely to say "obviously" as if it were nothing at all.

"What, are you gonna report me, Captain Andor?" Jai teased as she retrieved said bottle from her tiny dorm.

From where he stood in the doorway, Cassian eyed how plain and impersonal her room was, save for the absolute mess that was her desk, the top covered in tools, equipment, and electronics, much of which was unrecognizable because it was broken down into indiscernible pieces and parts.

They breezed out of the room without another remark toward the Merenzane Gold, which Jai carried openly in one hand without a care for the fact that others might see her with it; she knew no one was likely to say anything regarding it.

Just as Cassian had done in her room, Jai paused in the doorway of his once they finally reached it. Cassian's dorm was much further down the winding halls than Jai's, and she joked along the way that if she were trying to navigate them alone, she'd almost definitely get herself all turned around.

All of the rooms in the barracks were, for the most part, identical - same basic rectangle, same basic furnishings, same basic utilities. Jai had expected that maybe Cassian's would have been more personal than her own, given that he'd been on Yavin 4 far longer than she had. And yet, the room was practically bare and without any adornment. Disappointment pulled vaguely at Jai's expression as her eyes bounced around the room again as if expecting something to change. Jai had been to Miona's room, and to the room of Miona's girlfriend, both having some kind of personal touch - but Cassian's dorm looked just as newly inhabited as her own. In fact, Jai's looked more lived in than this one - at least her room had a bit of a mess, with her bed forever unmade, laundry piled just outside her closet, and one or two personal belongings lying about that she'd managed to grab during a recent visit to the Ring of Kafrene.

'He's been a soldier for twenty years.' Jai reminded herself. This life was the only one Cassian had ever known, and though it was perhaps a little melancholy, it was an explanation for why his room looked almost perfectly presentable. It was an explanation for why he kept people at arm's length, for why he was always so focused and so serious, for why he was so passionate and determined.

Cassian turned where he stood in the tiny kitchenette, having collected two glasses for them, his head tilting just a touch when he noticed Jai still stood in the doorframe, "What, do I need to invite you in?"

Jai gave a noncommittal eye roll and stepped into the room, hearing the door slide shut behind her. Cassian set the cups onto the small bar top and held his hand toward Jai, who closed the short distance between them and put the bottle of Merenzane into his outstretched palm. As he poured, Jai spun around and took a seat on the cramped couch (though, 'couch' was generous, as it was more like an oversized lounge chair); Cassian joined her a moment later, their knees bumping as he handed her a glass.

Jai took a long swig of the drink, pulling only a slight face at the burn of the alcohol in her throat. Cassian watched her casual chug with a nonplussed expression, the corners of his lips just starting to pull up in a small grin before he brought his glass to his own lips.

Jai turned her eyes back to him, "So, Kay tells me you tried to get yourself blown up."

Cassian's eyes narrowed over the rim of his glass, swallowing down the Merenzane that he'd begun to sip, "Does he?" Jai gave a noncommittal shrug, taking another drink from her glass as Cassian considered his mission from three days back, looking down to stare as his hands as they both clasped around his cup, "I should've seen that it was a trap."

Jai cleared her throat quietly, leaning forward to rest her chin in her hand and study Cassian's face for a moment, speaking nonchalantly, "No use stressing about it now, you all came out of it and got back here okay."

Cassian lifted his head to look at her with a serious stare, "But I should know better than to let something like that happen to rookies."

"We both could have been shot at any time on Dennaskar, you never seemed too worried about my safety there." There was nothing accusatory in her tone, in fact, it sounded as if she was even trying to be funny about it. Jai never blamed Cassian for what happened back in Juspus; she was just stating what she took to be facts.

Cassian huffed a small though unamused laugh, his brows raising in surprise at her presumption, "You think I wasn't concerned?"

He recalled that moment months ago when they were both thrown out of the speeder, how he frantically tried to search amongst the dust cloud and smoke for Jai, the panic pounding at his chest as he thought he had just gotten someone killed. That anxiety and self-hatred Cassian felt in the minute that he couldn't see his partner was something he was sure Jai had never known the likes of. When the air finally cleared and he spotted her across the road from him, he nearly didn't believe she came out of that alright, nearly didn't believe that she was mirroring him in the opposite alley trying to figure out how the hell they'd get out of there.

Did Jai really think he didn't care about what could have happened to her? No matter how much he had disliked her at the time, Cassian would have felt no less guilty if she lost her life because of him back on Dennaskar.

Cassian took a long swig from his glass, his eyes unblinking as they stayed trained on Jai, and that small action in itself already led Jai to doubt her earlier assumption about him, "I'm always worried. If I wasn't, countless people, including myself, would already be dead."

Jai tilted her head, staring back at Cassian carefully as an unexpected memory came flooding back to her, a phrase and a voice from years ago that by now rarely haunted her. She couldn't remember the last time she'd heard those particular words in her head, nor could she remember the last time she even heard them spoken out loud, though she could still tell someone the exact day that she last heard that voice. As a small frown dared to tug at her expression, her mind considering that familiar phrase, Jai turned her eyes away from Cassian, just beyond his head to stare into the kitchenette behind him.

"Guess there really is no courage without fear…" She muttered, the words so quiet that Cassian couldn't quite make out exactly what she said.

"What?" Cassian cocked his head, drawing back Jai's attention as she briefly nibbled on the inside of her lip.

"My, uh… dad told me that." She looked away again thoughtfully, her dark eyes looking off as if she were somewhere else, her brows pulled together slightly. But a moment later, she shook it off, her face straightening out as she looked back at Cassian, her somber tone disappearing - the memory hadn't upset her, not really, but it was completely unexpected and had simple knocked her off balance, "Pretty inspiring quote coming from some old slicer, huh?"

Cassian smirked, though the amusement didn't quite reach his eyes as he suddenly caught himself feeling curious about Jai and her past. He asked with a hint of humor in his voice, "Slicing was the family business?"

At that, Jai did give a small, genuine smile, "You could say that." She took another sip from her glass before continuing, "I guess Draven never talked to you about that, huh?"

"About what?"

"My history - before they were willing to recruit me they looked into my past as best they could. They didn't find much of anything, given that there's nothing really to be found, but I told them practically every damn thing about me."

Cassian shook his head, "No, he never said."

Jai hummed, knocking back the last of her drink and rising to her feet to go refill her glass. She turned back to Cassian and shook the bottle, silently asking if he wanted more, to which he nodded and held up his own half empty cup. Jai returned and filled both glasses, setting the bottle on the floor beside the couch as she sat back down.

She licked her lips, "Tillian's not my real name - it was the name of the guy on Kafrene that raised me. He was pretty notorious in the underbelly for being a talented slicer, taught me everything I know."

Cassian nodded, "So, he's not your father?"

Jai smiled a little at the question, though it wasn't entirely an amused one; she nibbled on her inner lip again, "What, you want the whole sob story?"

Maybe Cassian should have said no. He had gotten to know so many rebels through the years, got to know so much of their history. That made it sting so much more if one of them was lost in battle or on a mission, which was a count he had lost track of after all this time.

Cassian considered himself a strong man, but he was also an emotional man, which to him seemed like both a great strength and a terrible weakness simultaneously. He felt so connected to all of the rebels no matter how much or how little they interacted, which was a part of why he tried to keep them all at bay. Even if he didn't know a rebel well, Cassian almost always quickly felt as if he had bonded with them, a trait of his that could never simply be turned off or ignored. He had learned to try not to get to know anyone too well through the years, and yet here he sat with Jai, ready to hear her entire life story if she was willing to share it.

So, despite his usual precaution, Cassian lifted his glass and gave it a little shake so that Jai would turn her black eyes to look at it, "So long as we have something to drink, I'll listen to whatever you want to tell me."

He gave Jai a reassuring smirk, which she then reciprocated before drinking from her glass, "Then buckle up, Andor." She paused briefly to consider where to start, "Tillian wasn't my dad, but he took care of me and a few other kids through the years. He tried to teach us all how to slice, and this buddy of his, Vinis, taught us how to steal, how to do business. They were criminals, but they were good guys."

They each took another sip of their drinks, "My… siblings, you could call them, were way better thieves than me, but I really picked up on slicing and mechanics. Got my first scramble key when I was ten." She dug into one of the inner pockets on her jacket to retrieve her current scramble key, "The first one was complete garbage, fucking ancient thing that Tillian had lying around. He had someone bring me this new one a couple years later, once he saw how serious I was about it, and I've been upgrading it ever since."

Cassian smiled with interest, reaching out and taking the scramble key from her hand without considering whether she was even offering for him to hold it or not. But Jai didn't say a thing, allowing the tool to be pulled from between her fingers, and so he studied it.

If he didn't already know what it was, Cassian may have guessed the key to be some kind of datapad, though its dimensions were unlike any datapad he had ever seen; the scramble key was about the length and width of Jai's hand, as if it were designed to fit into her small palm, and Cassian knew from witnessing her use it that the screen slid out to the side to reveal small buttons and tools underneath. Cassian spun it in his hand for a few moments, he's eyes roaming over where shiny new pieces of metal met with old, faded ones, where it was scuffed or even dented from such extensive use through the years.

Finally, he gingerly handed it back.

As Jai pocketed the device, he asked, "What are your siblings doing these days?"

"One of em helps Vinis run a shop back on Kafrene, the other left the colony a couple years back - met some guy who promised him the world, so he ran off with him. We haven't heard from him since." Jai's eyes turned down with irked disappointment, the arguments she and her brothers had about the situation still fresh in her mind even two years later. But she quickly shook off the feeling and the look on her face, telling herself she had moved on from that pain, even if realistically she knew she still hadn't.

"Does the other one know you're here?" Cassian hadn't realized that he nearly finished his glass until he looked down at it, so he knocked back the last of it and set it aside, telling himself that was enough for now, not interested in getting himself drunk on his first night out of the hospital.

Jai looked a little more chipper as she recalled her other brother, giving Cassian a small nod, "I was able to go back to Kafrene a month ago to check in on him and Vinis - they were a little shocked to hear I went and joined the Rebellion."

The two smiled at how strange it was to recall their meeting four months back, when Jai believed she could go on with or without the Rebellion in her life and when Cassian believed she was some useless, good-for-nothing slicer. It was incredible how much could change in just the matter of a few short months.

"And what about Tillian, does he know?"

Jai's expression straightened out, but she didn't look sad or hurt the way she had when talking about her older brother just a minute prior. She looked like she had accepted this disappointment long ago, and could even look back fondly on life before that disappointment, "He died when I was sixteen. He'd been sick for a while, so we all knew it would happen eventually." She smirked while recalling a memory, "Till always refused to see doctors, claimed all the ones on Kafrene were shit… and he wasn't wrong. My arm is still fucked up from being reset by one of them when I was eight."

Jai finished her second glass now, too, but she absently refilled it as if it were a reflex, something she simply did without considering it. Cassian watched as she lifted the cup up to her lips, staring at her with continued curiosity. He nearly went to pick up his own empty glass up off the floor to keep up with her, but he made no move to grab it.

"How'd you end up with Tillian?" Jai paused as she was lowering her glass, her head slightly cocking. The question made her realize they had only been talking about her this entire time, and she gave a slight grimace - she hated to hog the conversation like that. Jai didn't mind talking about herself, but she didn't like only talking about herself.

Jai lowered her glass to rest atop her knee, her index finger soundlessly tapping against it as she looked back at Cassian, "We've talked about me way too much and you too little."

Cassian's face dropped just slightly before he tried to evade her implication, "What, hacking the computers and reading a file on me wasn't enough?"

Jai laughed through her nose while rolling her eyes, giving Cassian a look as she lazily pointed at him in defense, "Hey, I only skimmed that."

Though she managed to make him grin, Cassian still tried to deflect, "There's nothing to know. I've been a soldier my whole life, and nothing interesting ever happens to me."

"Says the guy who was just in medical for three days because he was nearly blown up." Jai laughed, taking a long swig from her glass.

Despite himself, Cassian smiled at the woman, noticing from the color in her face and the glassiness of her eyes that the Merenzane was taking effect. Jai finished off this glass far faster than the earlier two and set it down beside the bottle near her feet before readjusting in her seat. She pulled her legs up underneath her, causing her knees to slightly crowd Cassian, but she didn't seem to notice. Jai propped her elbow onto the back of the couch and used her fist as a resting place for her cheek as she decided her next approach.

"How about we trade a question for a question?" She looked into Cassian's eyes hopefully as he considered the request. Briefly, he wondered if he could simply keep avoiding her inquiries, but Cassian had a feeling that would stir up some trouble between them, and right now he felt too relaxed to let a fight interrupt this strange budding friendship.

So, he gave a single nod, "Fine, but don't get too nosy."

He pointed a finger at her as if for emphasis, causing Jai to giggle. Cassian was nearly taken aback by the unexpected sound, so unlike her usual mocking laughs, higher than her usual tone of voice, and he couldn't resist the smile that pulled at his lips.

"Alright," Jai thought for a brief moment before deciding to start simple, "Where are you from?"

"Fest, Outer Rim." He replied without missing a beat, "You probably haven't heard of that one either?"

Jai shook her head as she smirked, "I barely know what's in the Expansion Region, and I fucking lived there for eighteen years."

Cassian grinned smally at her reply, deciding his first question from what she just said, "Where were you from before Kafrene?"

"No idea." Jai said plainly and rather carelessly, to which Cassian pulled a confused expression, obviously rearing to ask for an explanation. Jai lifted her finger up to stop him, "Ah, my turn to ask, you'll have to wait till the next round." Cassian rolled his eyes, "When did you join up with the Rebellion?"

Cassian paused to consider it for a moment, trying to recall the year - though he had become a child soldier at six, those first years weren't directly related to the Alliance. But a lot of circumstances and events blurred together, so for a long second he tried to map out the timeline in his head, "I had to have been about thirteen, give or take."

Cassian's eyes looked away from Jai, falling onto the bottle near her feet. Despite deciding earlier that a glass and a half was enough Merenzane, he was beginning to rethink that if Jai was going to start asking more prying questions. So, he leaned forward to grab for it, setting his right hand atop Jai's knee to steady himself as he scooped it up. As Cassian sat back up, Jai snatched the bottle mischievously, taking a sip straight from it before grinning at Cassian and holding it back out to him. As he took it back, a matching grin on his face, his hand lingered on Jai's knee. As he copied the woman, forgetting his glass entirely and taking his own swig straight from the bottle, Cassian realized where his hand was still lying, and so he pulled it back slowly, fingers briefly trailing along her thigh while they met eyes.

"So, why don't you know where you're from?" Cassian asked as he relaxed into the seat, turning as best he could on the cramped couch so that he was facing Jai with his back against the stiff armrest.

Jai puckered her lips to the side as she thought about her answer, her eyes dancing around the room for a moment as if she could find just the right words somewhere along the walls, "I can't really remember anything about all that, I was too young - everything I know is what Tillian has told me."

Absentmindedly, Jai lifted her head off of the hand she was propping it on, and walked the hand along the back of the couch, up onto Cassian's right shoulder for a brief moment, before trailing her fingers back towards herself, all the while her eyes had still been drifting around the room. At the unexpected contact, Cassian pulled a puzzle, though nonetheless amused, look, but it appeared as if Jai hadn't even been aware of her hand - was that a normal odd habit, or a drunken one?

"I've never known my age for sure, but Tillian said I was almost definitely five when he found me. I think he actually knew my exact age and who I was before he found me… I mean, he was one of the best slicers in the Expansion Region, he could have found that info whenever he wanted. I don't know why he wouldn't have told me, though." Jai's black eyes finally drifted back to Cassian, "He saved me from smugglers who were in Kafrene at the time. They could make a pretty penny off of child slaves, apparently. Tillian was a part of a group on the Ring that had been trying to stop them for a while, and they finally did on the mission he found me."

Cassian wasn't at all prepared for the answer he was given, and Jai managed to leave him speechless. She took in his expression, which was one she had seen on the faces of others many times before, and waved her hand dismissively as if she could wipe it right off.

"Don't look at me like that, you can't be hurt by something that you don't even remember." She took the bottle from his hand.

"It's just… shocking." After taking her sip, Jai handed the bottle back to Cassian, who looked as if he had a dozen more questions that her story had spawned, but he refrained from asking any of them quite yet.

"Hm…" Now that Jai had begun to give in to the buzz of the alcohol, every little movement she made was something new and unexpected for Cassian. She pursed her lips nearly every time she paused to think, her eyes couldn't appear to stay focused on one spot for more than a second, and her left hand seemed to have a mind of its own as it kept moving along the back of the couch, though it had yet to wander up onto his shoulder again. Even her eyes seemed a little larger as they danced around the room, though they didn't look as if they'd opened any wider than before - it was a look akin to innocence that had changed her face so noticeably, "… How'd you get stuck with a droid as your partner in crime?”

Cassian laughed, unexpectedly delight in the question. That had to be the alcohol getting to him as well, "Ran into him last year during a mission on- wait, you wouldn't know." Jai laughed at the way he cut himself off - Cassian was right, she probably wouldn't recognize the name of the planet he was about to mention, "We managed to wipe most of his programming during a fight, and he got me off that planet safely. Since then a partnership just… worked with him, and I never thought to question it. Maybe it says something about me that I spend most of my time with a reprogrammed Imperial droid."

"It says that your social skills need some fucking work." Jai said with a big laugh, clearly finding herself to be something of a comedian. Though Cassian rolled his eyes, he too let out an unworried laugh.

"My social skills are fine." He retorted, bringing the bottle back to his lips; he realized just how much lighter the bottle was now than it had been when they first sat down.

Jai glanced at him doubtfully, "I'm sure Kay would beg to differ."

Cassian shot her a narrow eyed look, causing Jai to giggle again. Cassian surprised himself as he thoughtlessly reached over with his free hand to give Jai's shoulder a good-natured shove, which pulled another laugh out of her as she reached out and shoved him back. Her hand lingered on his shoulder then glided down onto the top of his bicep, her smile large as she looked at Cassian's relaxed expression.

Cassian couldn't immediately recall a time when he felt this calm. He was always so careful to avoid letting his guard down, and yet Jai made it far too easy. And bringing along that Merenzane Gold certainly helped. Maybe that was her plan all along, and maybe he played right into it. But Cassian couldn't deny how freeing it was to just forget his worries and stress, to relax with an acquaintance - no, maybe she was almost a friend - and actually live like a twenty-six year old for a little while.

Cassian's own age shocked him at that very moment - only twenty-six years old, and yet he easily felt like he was double his age. What was it like to be a twenty-six year old man that didn't constantly carry the weight of the galaxy on his shoulders? To be twenty-six and to have some kind of normal job where he left at a reasonable hour and went home to an apartment rather than a barracks dorm. To be twenty-six and have normal relationships, friends that he saw regularly and didn't fear to open up to. To be twenty-six and for his greatest concern to be whether to go out or stay in on his free evenings.

But that wasn't Cassian's life, and he had accepted that. He didn't allow himself moments to question it or to doubt it, moments to feel some sort of severe existential crisis where he wondered if he had wasted his entire life away on a hopeless cause. No, Cassian couldn't allow himself to have those moments. He knew what he was, he knew what he was fighting for, and he knew that it was worth all of his efforts. And he's never had any reason to doubt that.

Cassian was stirred from his thoughts as he felt the Merenzane bottle being pried from his fingers, blinking at Jai who hadn't seemed to notice he zoned out. Or maybe she was just pretending she hadn't noticed. She shook the bottle as she assessed the weight, shooting Cassian a look.

"You owe me a Merenzane Gold," She said cheekily while putting her mouth on the lip of the bottle and knocking back the last of the alcohol.

Cassian blew air out between his lips as he narrowed his eyes at the woman with a shake of his head, "It was your idea to bring it."

He realized Jai's hand was still on his arm, comfortably resting there with no intention of moving; he stared down at her hand for a few long moments with a raised brow.

"Well, I'll know better than to make that mistake next time." Jai laughed to herself, her hand squeezing his arm just slightly as her drunken eyes wandered around the room again.

"Oh, you think there'll be a next time?" Cassian grinned as Jai looked back toward him, narrowing her eyes and pursing her lips just a little.

"I'm sure there will be." She answered confidently. Her eyes widened suddenly as she perked up, her hand finally sliding off of Cassian's arm. A part of him nearly missed the touch, but that thought disappeared just as quickly as it had come to him, "Oh! It's your turn." Cassian gave her a confused look, to which Jai rolled her eyes, "To ask a question."

Cassian had completely forgotten the game after Jai's last question, which had only happened a few minutes ago, right? Maker, he was tipsier than he thought.

Cassian's brows furrowed together as he thought for a moment, trying to remember what he had already asked - did he have any other questions? Jai already told him so much, he wasn't sure what was left to ask about. Or maybe that was the alcohol causing him to forget the line-up of questions he had already planned out.

"I… can't think of anything."

"How boring." Jai teased as she rolled her eyes, resting her hands on her knees and leaning toward him a little, "There are a million questions we could ask one another and you can't think of one more?"

"I don't like your tone." Cassian teased back with surprising ease, getting another weak shove to his shoulder. His eyes brightened slightly as an idea came to him, "Here, I've got one: what would you like me to ask you?"

"Cassian, that is not a real question." Jai giggled around his name.

"What's not real about it?" His smile was surprisingly large as he asked, raising his hands in a near shrug, "You never establish any rules about the kinds of questions we could ask."

"Well, I'm establishing the rule now," Jai lifted her hand and motioned downwards roughly with her index finger, the gesture indicating that she was putting her foot down on the subject, "You cannot ask that question again."

Without missing a beat, Cassian asked, "Okay, here's my next one: what questions would you like me to not ask?"

Jai made an exasperated sound as she smacked Cassian's shoulder again, falling into a brief giggle fit as she did so. Cassian smiled contently at the woman before him, feeling an unexpected, foreign warmth in his chest.

'How could I have hated her?' He thought as Jai composed herself. Cassian's face sobered suddenly at this unrecognizable solicitude he had toward her in that moment - how could he both love and hate a feeling at the exact same moment? This warmth that he felt, this untrouble casualness… it made him feel vulnerable. Anxious. Cassian didn't let himself feel these things, and yet here he was with a complete disregard for the wall that he kept up so firmly around himself.

What was he doing?

"I have a question for you, Cassian." Jai started again, the man's anxiety going completely unnoticed by the drunk woman.

Did she really not see the nerves in his eyes? No, she couldn't have - Cassian studied her expression for a moment and was certain she was just drunk enough to be oblivious to the small crisis he had right there in front of her. It was better that she didn't notice - it meant he didn't have to explain himself, that she wouldn't ask prying questions on the subject.

Jai took a deep breath, as if what she was about to say next was of severe importance and required her utmost focus. Cassian tried to pull himself together as he awaited the question, "Did we become friends tonight?"

A nonplus expression crossed Cassian's face, being entirely unprepared for that type of question. What a drunk thing to ask. It nearly made him sigh in relief, though - he'd rather get a drunken question than anything else, even if the drunken question was still something he didn't want to answer. Better that it was asked now rather than when Jai was sober.

Nonetheless, Cassian paused as he considered how to answer her - it made him anxious again to consider what he was supposed to say to that. Jai stared at him with patient eyes, and the look made him tear his own eyes away to try to focus, though the feeling of her gaze on him was palpable and hard to ignore.

"Do you think we did?" He finally asked, dragging his gaze back towards her slowly. Jai narrowed her eyes comically at him as she unexpectedly clapped her hand down atop his thigh as if rearing to reprimand him yet again. As Cassian glanced down at the woman's hand, her fingers gave a slight squeeze while she leaned forward just a little.

"You're avoiding the question… but yes." Jai smiled while pulling back from him, slouching a little against the arm of the couch, "Apparently, you don't have friends. But I think you consider every single person here a friend and you just don't want to admit it. You're way too emotional to be a guy that doesn't have friends."

Jai's observation left Cassian momentarily stunned, he even pulled back just a little with how unexpected it was. She smiled at his reaction, interpreting it as confirmation that what she just said was accurate, humming to herself as she absentmindedly started looking around Cassian's room again.

Jai knew she needed to sleep soon. Even drunk, she always knew when she was about to crash. In fact, being drunk actually helped her, or so she claimed - drunk Jai was more aware of herself than sober Jai, at least when it came to her body's wants and needs. And right now, she could feel herself coming down from the height of the alcohol spike, which meant any minute now she'd want to curl up into bed and have the best sleep of her life. The fact that she had to be up and working tomorrow was completely forgotten.

"I'm gonna go now." She said simply with chipper in her tone, to which Cassian's brow furrowed as if he'd been thrown for a loop.

"Okay?" Was she bored of him? Or had she simply said her piece and decided that was the perfect moment to retreat, to leave him to ponder what she just said?

Upon noticing the look on her friend's face, Jai explained quite simply, "I'm tired."

"Oh." Cassian nodded, noticing that he too was beginning to feel sleep behind his eyes despite the fact that he had been resting for two and a half days. He straightened up a little to stretch out his back, trying to collect his thoughts as he heard his spin crack, "Let me walk you back."

"No," Jai drawled as she patted his knee, "I'm good."

She sprang up, arms sticking out slightly on either side of her for balance. She blinked a couple of times as she felt her head spin from how quickly she moved - did she just wobble on her feet, or was that feeling just in her head? Regardless, the slight dizziness she felt was telling.

"On second thought," She started, turning to Cassian and holding her hand out toward him to help him rise to his feet, "I could use your help; I'll probably get lost out there."

Cassian smirked at the woman's quick change in attitude, eyeing the outstretched hand in front of him before pushing himself off of the couch without her help. As Jai's arm flopped back down to her side, Cassian carefully stretched his arms above his head, not noticing the way Jai's eyes seemed to zero in on the flash of his abdomen when his shirt lifted with the motion. After collecting his bearings, Cassian looked back to Jai and motioned towards the door.

"Alright, let's go." He instructed, keeping a careful eye on the way the woman began to walk - she was a little shaky, but she seemed steady enough. That was good - last thing he wanted was to get stuck carrying Jai to her room.

As they exited Cassian's dorm, he remained a couple steps behind Jai, continuing to monitor the way she walked. After wandering down the hall silently for a minute, Jai paused to turn back toward him, raising a brow.

"Walk up here with me." She instructed, and Cassian hesitantly obliged. As they started forward again side-by-side, Jai moved a little closer so that their shoulders were bumping with almost every step they took. Cassian tried not to think about it too much.

A few minutes later, they were at Jai's room, Cassian pausing in the doorframe to make sure Jai made it inside okay. Jai spun on her heels to look up at the man, giving him a tired smile which Cassian couldn't help but reciprocate.

"Tonight was good." She said happily, "Who knew you could actually be fun?"

Cassian teasingly rolled his eyes, quipping, "Who knew you could be tolerable?"

Jai scoffed mockingly, giving his pec a light push, "You still need to learn how to socialize."

Cassian simply nodded to appease her, looking back over his shoulder and out into the hall; he didn't expect anyone to pass by based on the hour, and evening shift change wouldn't be for another few hours. Maybe he was just trying to avoid Jai's surprisingly intense eyes.

"Get some sleep," He started, looking back down at her, "I'm sure you have an early call time tomorrow."

Jai's expression dropped quickly as she gave a dramatic groan, her eyes glaring tiredly at Cassian, "I hate you."

He huffed out a laugh while sticking his hands into his pockets, "I'm not the one that made you drink, that was your own bad idea."

Jai continued to frown up at him, but begrudgingly she knew he was right. She was going to be in for a shit morning.

"Night, Jai." Cassian took one step back into the hallway, looking in either direction once more. When he looked back at the woman in front of him, she reached forward, her small hand securing itself around his wrist. Cassian froze, brows perking just slightly as he looked down at their point of contact before finding her eyes again.

"Cass…" Despite himself, the nickname nearly gave him goosebumps.

What the hell was that about? He could feel that bubble again in his chest, that conflicting warmth and anxiety battling it out as his heart drummed just a little bit louder. Neither he nor Jai moved as they stared at one another, Cassian with an expectant yet edgy look, Jai with an indiscernible one.

Jai smiled. Kindly, genuinely, and with that carefree contentment that only a drunk person could ever have in a moment like this. And then she let go, her fingertips trailing Cassian's wrist for a brief moment and causing his hand to twitch unexpectedly. Jai stepped back into her room as she lifted her hand in a lazy wave.

"Good night." Her tone was just above a whisper as she turned into the room, her door sliding closed behind her and leaving Cassian to stare where she had just been standing.

For a beat, Cassian was frozen in front of her door, staring at it with furrowed confusion. He did not like this foreign sensation in his chest, didn't trust it and didn't want it. He should have been smarter than to let Jai over for drinks, and yet his curiosity led him to doing it anyway.

Cassian would be absolutely lying to himself if he said he didn't have fun. This was one of the most relaxed evenings he's had in Maker knows how long. But he shouldn't have let either of them drink.

As Cassian started back up the halls towards his own room, he couldn't help but smile to himself, despite the anxiety nagging at his thoughts - he and Jai would forget this evening, what was there to worry about? Neither of them would forget it in its entirety, especially not Cassian, but by the time he woke up in the morning any of the stress Jai had caused him would be gone from his memory. Or so he told himself.

Back in his dorm, Cassian returned to the sofa to collect the forgotten glasses and empty Merenzane Gold bottle, setting them in the sink to deal with later. He leaned his rear against the counter as he crossed his arms, eyes looking about his small room absentmindedly. For a moment, he recalled the way he and Jai had so seamlessly teased one another, how she laughed, how she openly revealed her life and openly listened to the admittance of his own. It was strange and unfamiliar to Cassian to share so blatantly - if anything about his past ever came up, generally he tried to be as vague as possible. But Jai was without hesitation, comfortable with sharing as if she never had to question whether or not her past would be used against her. Cassian wasn't quite so familiar with that feeling.

Once again, he found himself wondering how he could have ever hated her - his first impression was far from the reality of what kind of a person Jai was, what kind of layers she actually had beyond her initial persona. He wondered just how poor his own impression on her was, and wondered why she'd even be willing to give Cassian a second chance when he was so damned hesitant to give her the same.

Cassian felt another rush of that conflicting chill and heat as he realized that right now was the first moment that he knew without a doubt that he could trust Jai completely.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Trust [truhst]

noun

reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc., of a person or thing

confident expectation of something; hope

verb

to rely upon or place confidence in someone or something: to trust in another's honesty

to have confidence; hope

#cassian andor #cassian andor x original character #cassian andor x oc #cassian andor x reader #diego luna #rogue one #rogue one fic #rogue one fanfiction #star wars #star wars fic #ca #fics #fics*#saudade

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swtorpadawan · 5 years ago

Text

Theron Shan in Absolute Trust

Author's Notes: FYI - This is an older piece written a couple of years ago. The Alliance Commander depicted in the following story is decidedly NOT my OC, Corellan Halcyon, but another JK Outlander. It takes place shortly after Knights of the Eternal Throne.

This is all just between us, right? Strictly our little secret? Good. Because you know I'd hate to have to kill you.

So, go ahead and pull up a chair. I'll buy you a Corellian Brew, and then I'll tell you a story.

People ask me, 'Why stay with the Eternal Alliance?' Oh, sure, back when the Eternal Empire was off subjugating the galaxy, it was easy to see why so many people would jump at the chance to join an organization dedicated to taking it down, especially when most of the really big players had rolled over to it. But why stay afterwards? Now that the war is over, hasn't the Alliance fulfilled its purpose? Shouldn't we all just go back to being Republic, or Empire, or Zakuulan, or whatever?

Well, for me, the answer is simple: Our Commander is the reason I stayed. He's the reason I've believed in the Alliance for as long as I have.

I have a great story to illustrate my point, but first it needs some background on my friend and leader.

Nowadays, people just call him the Commander. So much so that most seem to have forgotten his actual name.

He used to be called 'the Outlander' by the masses, a name Arcann gave him as an insult but that he turned into a title of respect among friends and enemies alike.

Before that? Oh, he had a bunch of other titles. Master Jedi. Hero of Tython. Battlemaster of the Jedi Order. The Conqueror of the Sith Emperor. He held the honorary rank of General in the Galactic Republic. I think he was also a Paladin of House Organa of Alderaan - you know, If you're into that sort of thing. The Gree call him the 'Black Bisector of Coruscant'. (Yeah, I don't know either.) Oh, and a few of our recent Zakuulan recruits quietly call him the 'Dragon of Zakuul' when they think no one can overhear them. There's a story there for another time. The Commander's been a bunch of things over the course of a relatively short life. He's been a Jedi, a soldier, a hero, a Champion of the free galaxy, a rebel, a savior and now finally a peacemaker.

Yeah, it's true – his reputation has always been as a warrior first. And probably the greatest in the galaxy. That's one reason why he's inspired so many martial types – Jedi, Sith, Republic and Imperial Commandos, Mandalorians, heck, even gangsters – to his side. And then keep them there. He wins a lot. I admit, I really do regret not being present for his showdowns with Arcann or Vaylin or Valkorian. What can I say? He needed me someplace else in each case. I do remember his fight against Revan a few years ago, though. A bunch of us fought by his side. Myself, Lana Beniko, Satele Shan - the Grand Master of the Jedi Order, Lord Scourge - the Sith Lord who used to be the Emperor's Wrath, Darth Marr - who was basically running the Sith Empire at that point, Shae Vizla - who went on to become Mandalore, Jakarro - this Wookie bounty hunter we had buddied up with – all serious customers. Even with all of us behind him, the Commander – who was still just a Jedi Master at the time - stood out. Watching him in that fight was like nothing else I've seen. There's no way we could have taken down Revan without him. And if anything, he's only become more powerful since then. It's kinda scary when you think about it.

What's that? Who am I? Oh, sorry. Theron Shan, at your service. Former agent of the Galactic Republic's Strategic Information Service (that's "spy" to those of you not in the know), sometime hero and adventurer, now a senior adviser to the Commander of the Eternal Alliance.

But getting back to the Commander - This man has taken blows that would have crushed anyone else. Falling to the dark side, then bouncing back. Losing those years of his life when he was imprisoned in carbonite, knowing most of his friends were missing and maybe even dead, seeing almost everything he'd fought for destroyed in his absence. Then being hounded by the Eternal Empire with just a handful of allies when he finally got free. Then later watching his nascent Alliance being abandoned by the Senate of the very Galactic Republic he had once championed. Watching friends and allies die in the final battles to take down the Eternal Empire, and finally overcoming Valkorion in a battle for his own mind.

I've seen him win so many battles and lose so much along the way, I honestly don't know how he keeps going. But he does. And deep down, I knew he always would.

And I think everyone else in the Alliance pretty much thought the same.

What's that? Am I related to… Oh, kriff, really? Alright, yes, fine. I am the illegitimate son of Master Satele Shan, former Grand Master of the Jedi Order. (Who incidentally was the Commander's boss at the time we met.) Yes, I am a descendant of Bastila Shan, hero of the Jedi Civil War centuries ago. And if the name Revan means anything to you, yeah, I can claim him as an ancestor, too. And heck, why shouldn't we bring up the fact that my father is Jace Malcolm, the Supreme Commander of the Republic military? And that I didn't even meet either of my parents until I was almost thirty? And that my mother apparently went into hiding years ago after the Eternal Empire invaded, and that she didn't even bother to send me a message to tell me she was alright?

Not that I'm, you know, bitter or anything.

Anyway…

The Commander and I, though, we've been through a lot, since well before Zakuul invaded. Heck, we even met a couple of times before that Korriban operation went sideways and eventually led to us meeting Lana and squaring off with Revan. We kept that hush-hush, though. My old bosses at the SIS wouldn't have approved of what we were doing. It's possible my mother wouldn't have been okay with it either. Story for another time.

In all our time together, he never brought up the fact that Satele was my mother. Or that I was raised as a Jedi initiate as a kid before washing out because I didn't have 'the gift' of the Force. Don't tell anyone, particularly him, but I always… really appreciated that.

I don't want to sound like I'm bragging here, but I don't think I'd be totally out of line if I told you I'm probably the Commander's best friend at this point. Nothing touchy-feely, you understand. In my job, I don't place too much stock in terms like that, but it's likely true. There are only two people in the whole Alliance he's known for longer than he's known me, and both of those are members of his old crew, back when he was just a Jedi running around the galaxy with five companions in one small ship. They're both good people, don't get me wrong, but one is an AstroMech droid who talks in beeps and whistles and the other is a drill Sergeant with the personality of a Durasteel wall. So as far as confidantes go, yeah, I feel I'm at the top of his list when it's time to share memories over a beer.

Not that he does that a lot, being a former Jedi, but we have.

Of course, then there's Lana, who is a very special case.

Lana Beniko, the former Minister of Sith Intelligence. Brilliant. Ruthless. Beautiful. Deadly. We'd become partners of convenience years ago when were both on the run during the Revanite Crisis. We worked well together. I respected her. I even liked her. We were friends. Even good friends. But I never forgot that she was a Sith. She and I had a little incident back on Rishii when she let me get captured and tortured by the Order of Revan so she and the Commander could find their base by tracking me down.

I mean, that was a long time ago, so I'm mostly over it.

Mostly.

Anyway, so Lana was the one who freed the Commander from that carbonite prison in the Spire on Zakuul. She searched for him almost non-stop for five years, even after everyone else had given him up for dead. She risked everything to rescue him, convinced that he was the only one who could defeat the Eternal Empire. Since then, she's been totally dedicated to his cause, building the foundation of the Alliance up from nothing and rarely leaving his side, except when he needed her to. Heck, she even chose the location of our headquarters here on Odessen.

Eventually, she and the Commander even started sharing a bunk. So, you know, they're close. Special case, like I said.

(And just for the record, Lana's interest in the Commander as more than just an ally? Totally called it years ago. This was right after that thing on Ziost, when she didn't have the Commander and I killed for not turning a Vitiate-possessed Jedi Master over to her for an 'examination'. Believe me, she didn't hold off for my sake.)

If the Commander was the heart and soul of the Alliance, Lana was the mind. Her intelligence and ruthless determination helped forge a grassroots resistance movement into an organization rivaling the great powers of the galaxy. The Commander consults with her on every major decision.

(Me? I try to be the Alliance's conscience. Hey, don't look at me like that. Someone needed to do it.)

Some of the troops – the few who were with us way back on Yavin years ago – they still call the three of us the Triumvirate. Sounds like a gang of spice dealers of Nar Shadaa, I know. But just between us, I always kind of liked it. A Jedi, a Sith and an SIS Agent. Sounds like the opening of a bad joke.

Instead, we saved the galaxy. More than once.

But here's my story. So, a few months after the Commander took down Valkorian and claimed the Eternal Throne, Lana and I were vetting the application for a potential recruit. We'll call the guy Slade, though you can bet your last credit that it wasn't his real name.

He was ex-Sith Intelligence, one of their 'Watchers'. He had briefly worked for Lana years ago before the Eternal Empire had invaded.

Now I'm a spy by trade myself, but this guy was shifty even for my line of work. Lana was suspicious of him right from the start when he came to us. Said she remembered Slade as being too "old Empire", loyal only to the most powerful Sith within arm's reach. She also assessed that he changed loyalties too fast to be trusted with important assignments. She said he could be insufferably flattering to a superior, and equally arrogant to his subordinates. Lana concluded that it was incredibly suspicious that he was choosing to join us now, and not months before, when the rebellion was in full swing.

I tried playing devil's advocate for a while, but Slade's background check generated too many red flags, including the suspicious shifting of a large amount of credits to his accounts through the Hutt Cartel, but originating elsewhere. We couldn't trace the origin, but when he waffled on his explanations for where the money came from, we both agreed it was best to give him the boot.

Lana and I were escorting Slade to the shuttles with a couple of Alliance troopers – one ex-Republic, the other former Imperial. That's how we try to do it. No restraints; we were still treating him with kid gloves at this point. We were walking past the war room – basically the command center of the whole base – when Slade spots the Commander. He was talking to Hylo Visz, our former celebrity smuggler turned Head of Underworld Logistics for the Alliance. They were probably going on about trade routes, but Hylo is one the few people in the galaxy who can honestly relate with the Commander's experience of having spent a few years frozen in carbonite, only to wake up to a galaxy that looked very different from how they left it. So I guess they did have that much in common, anyway.

Arcann was by his side, too. Yes, it was that Arcann. Valkorian's son, who had seized the Eternal Throne and invaded the rest of the galaxy. The one who had imprisoned the Commander in carbonite for five years, then hunted him and his allies down for months. The one most of us had joined the Alliance to stop in the first place. But when the time came, the Commander barely hesitated to trust that Senya, Arcann's mother, was right that there was good in him. How crazy is that? But then he joined us after being redeemed, helping us stop both Vaylin and Valkorian. Arcann was now one of the Commander's most powerful supporters.

In a private moment, Arcann had once asked the Commander how he had been able to forgive him for everything Arcann had done, both to the Commander and to the rest of the galaxy. The Commander just told him that if he hadn't given Arcann that chance, everything the Commander's life had stood for would have meant nothing.

Yeah, every once in a while, the Commander could be as enigmatic as the most wizened Jedi Master.

Anyway, Slade suddenly makes a break for it, running straight towards the Commander. He was a slippery one to make it as far as he did. Now if we hadn't already been convinced we didn't want him around, the sheer stupidity of making this move right there, right in the heart of the entire Eternal Alliance, would have been enough. Immediately, I drew my blaster and called for Slade to freeze, and our escort leveled their rifles. Six more Alliance members interposed themselves between the intruder and the Commander, ready to give their lives if needed to protect him. Arcann stepped forward as he ignited his lightsaber, wary of this apparent intruder.

Of course, all of that was superfluous when one of the people who had been escorting the target was a highly-motivated Sith.

I could tell Lana was furious that we had let this guy get anywhere close to the Commander. I mean, yeah, we had checked him for weapons and other 'toys' and it's almost impossible to think he could have actually harmed the Commander personally without them. But Lana didn't really care. She reached out with the Force, and next thing you know poor Slade is levitating in the air, grabbing his own throat in pain and desperation. Force-Choke is still part of Lana's repertoire, even if she's embraced the Commander's "tactical restraint" doctrine. She stepped towards him in full-on Sith mode, totally prepared to kill him on the spot. Naturally, by now, everyone's watching this exchange. Between communications staff, analysts, guards and Alliance members just passing through, there must be have been over thirty people watching this guy struggle for his life as Lana approached him. I sighed and holstered my weapon, hoping I wasn't about to have a corpse to cleanup.

Then came the very distinct sound of a throat being cleared, and all those eyes turned. It was the Commander himself. He had stepped forward and was holding up a forestalling hand to Lana. His expression to her was patient; his old Jedi training and discipline still occasionally served him well in his new role. Lana obviously knew that look. She didn't look at all happy, but she reluctantly lowered her arm, releasing Slade. The man fell to the floor, gasping for breath. Arcann and the others stood down, but were still wary.

The Commander stepped towards Slade and helped him to his feet, then he moved back and gave him a few moments to recover. He stood with his hands folded behind his back and his feet shoulder-width apart, looking every bit like the rock that the Alliance was built on.

"Mister Slade, was it?" the Commander spoke in a polite but very formal voice. "I'm sorry we won't be working together, but everyone who becomes part of the Alliance has my complete trust." He gestured around the room for effect. "And I'm afraid Lana and Theron have strongly advised against adding you to that list." There was a firmness to his statement that made it clear that this point was not open for discussion.

Slade, apparently, didn't pick up on that.

"But Commander." The little weasel was still recovering his breath, but his nerves were apparently doing fine. "There are things you don't know about these trusted advisors of yours!" he pointed wildly back at Lana.

The Commander didn't budge. He merely raised a questioning eyebrow at the man as people started tensing up, Lana among them.

"For example." His expression became rather smug as his confidence grew. "Did you know that after you fought side-by-side on Yavin, Darth Marr's first assignment for Lana Beniko as Minister of Sith Intelligence was to have her develop a series of tactics the Empire could use to 'neutralize' you specifically if you turned against them? She was planning ways to kill you!"

The entire chamber suddenly turned deathly silent.

"How dare you?!" Lana's voice cut through the room, her face taking on a murderous rage. Her eyes, which had already been glaring intently at Slade, seemed to shift into daggers.

I hadn't known about Slade's revelation, but I was hardly shocked by it. I stepped forward and gently put my hand on Lana's shoulder, just hoping I could keep her from making a bad situation worse. She shrugged the hand off, and then gave me a look that told me that if I were almost anyone else, I'd have lost the hand.

The Commander's eyes never left Slade. He simply raised a hand to forestall Lana from acting again. She just stood there, simmering. This two-bit operative had successfully gotten under her skin.

He hadn't gotten under the Commander's skin, though. The man still hadn't budged an inch at Slade's revelation. In fact, he had never looked away from Slade. Without looking, without even using the Force, I could tell he was appraising the room. Gauging the mood, and finding a solution.

"Well." The Commander's tone of voice was amiable, but the pitch of his voice allowed everyone listening to hear him clearly. "Then I'm very glad she never had the opportunity to use them."

That let a lot of the air out of the chamber. People relaxed just a little bit, some of them visibly exhaling from holding their breaths. There were even a few nervous chuckles from around the room, and Vette, our Twi'lek professional thief turned crack saboteur let out a high-pitched laugh. Lana still looked angry, but she blinked. Slade? He just stood there with his mouth open in disbelief.

Evidently, he had never put together a 'Plan B'.

The Commander finally started moving, pacing around Slade like a Nexu who was trying to decide if the bark rat it was stalking was worth the trouble.

The Commander's voice was level and calm. It was as if he were giving a lightsaber lesson in the training grounds. "But let me tell you another story, Mister Slade. I once met a wise man on Tatooine. To tell you the truth, he was kind of a strange, old hermit. But he taught me a few important things, including the difference between complete trust and absolute trust."

"Complete trust, you see, is what they call it when you trust someone so much that you would still trust them even if they were holding a dagger at your throat."

Here the Commander stopped, smiled and beamed proudly. "I have to tell you, Mr. Slade. The second-best part about my job is that I now have a literal army of people at my back, each of whom I trust completely." Here his arms spread wide, indicating everyone in the chamber. Still, his eyes never left Slade's.

And just like that, all the tension in the room just melted away. Guards stopped clenching their weapons. People swallowed and looked around at each other. A lot of people even smiled proudly. It wasn't just because of all the things the Commander had accomplished; it was because of all the things people hoped he'd achieve in the future. They believed in him. All of them. And knowing he believed in them empowered each of them to do whatever he asked of them.

"Now, absolute trust, on the other hand, is a little bit different." The Commander continued. "Absolute trust is what they call it when you'd still trust someone even after they had just slit your throat and left you to die with your life's blood spilt across the desert sand." He continued to use hand gestures to express the concept.

The former Imperial finally found his voice. "But… that's insane." Slade sputtered.

"No. That's trust." the Commander replied crisply. "And Alliances are built on trust."

He resumed his pacing around Slade. The operative looked like he was getting smaller and smaller the longer he held the Commander's attention.

"The point, Mister Slade, is that in this strange life I've led, I've met four remarkable people whom I trust absolutely." The corners of his lips turned upward for the briefest of moments. "Not counting AstroMech droids, of course." He smiled over at Tee-Seven, the old member of his crew, who rolled forward and returned his comment with a series of beeps.

The Commander turned back to Slade. "Now two of these four people… are lost to me forever." His eyes closed as he inhaled the air, and I could feel the sadness in his voice.

A full moment of silence was observed before he exhaled and his eyes suddenly came open, focused on Slade's and full of intensity.

"The remaining two are now standing at your sides."

I started at that, giving a little glance around. I realized that the two he was talking about were Lana and myself. She realized it, too. I saw her lips part just a little, and her eyes took on this glazed look. For the first time in the encounter, her complete attention was now on the Commander and not Slade.

Because Slade no longer mattered.

There was this enigmatic look the Commander occasionally took on. A look that was decidedly not 'Jedi'. A look that forced me to remember that for nearly a year, Valkorian had inhabited the Commander's mind as a 'back seat driver', and that while the old Emperor might be long gone (finally!), there were some lessons that he might have left behind about leadership, power and loyalty. The Commander's eyes were full of these lessons as he smiled intently on Slade.

"And if anyone needed any additional proof of Lana's loyalty, Mister Slade, then consider this: You are still alive."

I've never seen a man shrink like Slade did just then. There was nothing this weasel, this small fraction of a man, could ever do to even scratch the veneer of either the Commander or the Eternal Alliance. There was silence in the room again. But this time, people weren't nervous or apprehensive. This time, almost everyone seemed to be following the Commander's lead, looking upon Slade as an intruder. An enemy. Someone who had dared to even try to disrupt the Eternal Alliance, and was now being cast out.

For a second there, I thought we'd have to get Slade a new pair of pants.

"But since I'm in a good mood today, I'll let Theron be the one to escort you out." The Commander's smile became marginally kinder, but in a formal, detached way. His tone of voice was somehow intimidating without being threatening as he leaned in and spoke in Slade's ear, still loud enough to be heard. "Go and tell whatever masters you serve that the Eternal Alliance will not fall today."

Then, for almost the first time in the whole encounter, the Commander looked away from Slade, smiling over at me and giving me the nod.

Just like that, it was all over.

I hung back once Slade was restrained and firmly in the hands of our armed escort. I just didn't want to miss the post-credits scene. The Commander gave a confidant smile as he turned and addressed the troops.

"Back to work, everyone. The galaxy isn't going to save itself."

Everyone did just that, and let me tell you, it left them all with a renewed sense of confidence in the Eternal Alliance and what we stood for. Yeah, we all came from different places and had different views of how the galaxy should work. But every one of us believed the Commander was the man to make all that work, and that he'd find a way to win when it came time. Most of these people had endured years of hardship and loss, which was bad enough. Worse still was the uncertainty, particularly for the future.

Now they had something – someone - ensuring that they had a future worth fighting for.

It was only then, with relative privacy, that he turned to Lana with a smile. A different smile than one he gave to me or the troops; one that was just hers. I couldn't help myself. I used the cybernetic implant in my ear to eavesdrop on their exchange. Not a skill I often advertise, but it has its uses

(Hey, i am a spy.).

Lana immediately started to speak. I couldn't see her eyes clearly from this angle, but I didn't need to. She desperately wanted to explain herself. "Commander, I – " she began.

"Shhhh." he gently silenced her, reaching up and caressing her cheek. "I don't question your love. Don't question my trust."

Lana blushed, and if they hadn't been standing in a public area, I imagine she'd have been doing much more.

He leaned in and whispered in her ear. "And for the record, the time I spend with you is the best part about this job." He grinned. It made him look almost boyish. He'd accomplished more than most people would in ten lifetimes, but for all of that, he wasn't quite thirty.

"Come on." He reached down and took her hand in his. "I'll take you to dinner, and you can tell me all about these special 'tactics'." He seemed positively cheerful now, like the galaxy was finally moving in the right direction.

Lana just smiled, taking his hand and following him out.

Wow, am I right? I mean, who wouldn't walk into a Corellian hell for a man like that?

That's why I've stayed with the Alliance all this time. I'll never have a boss I admire as much as him. Or a friend.

After all, he'd given me his absolute trust.

***********************************************

After I put Slade on a shuttle headed for Nar Shadaa, I was walking out of the docking bay area when I ducked into an empty maintenance closet. I quickly unscrewed the control knob on my blaster, then I used a short length of wire from my jacket to connect it to my implant. Neither object was suspicious in and of itself, but combined they did a little bit more than you'd expect. Alliance Headquarters has security measures for this sort of thing, of course, but I designed most of them, so they wouldn't be a problem. Alone and unobserved, I spoke aloud.

"Begin transmission. Scorpion reporting. Slade was a non-starter. Next time, send an asset who's halfway competent, not to mention plausible. The Iokath Gambit remains on schedule. End transmission."

I killed the device, putting the knob back on my blaster and securing the wire between the fibers of my jacket. Then I let out a guilty sigh as I shook my head sadly.

"He's never gonna see it coming."

Hey, I did say this was all just between us, right? Our little secret?

#swtor #swtor writing #swtor fanfiction #theron shan #lana beniko #eternal alliance #i had never posted this here and thought people might like it

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crqstalite · 5 years ago

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outlander headcanons!

primarily for my outlanders (yes, i cracked and boosted khaak to 60), but here we go.

SPOILERS FOR KOTFE/ET+ HERE!

nightmares? like, force sensitive or not, they struggle a lot to figure what’s real and what isn’t. dreams are VERY vivid as an outlander, and more often than not, are omens to future events. if they even have time to sleep, they definitely struggle with going to sleep because of it, or staying asleep because of it.

stressed af. once they become commander, the outlander (especially if they aren’t a jk -a battlemaster-, a jc -an ambassador-, a trooper -a colonel at this point- or a warrior -a whole faction’s wrath) is absolutely screwed trying to finish everything themselves. the specialists help out a lot and theron and lana are godsends, but we seem to forget that this is all on the outlander. this is still all their job, and they aren’t just a figurehead. caf can’t fix this.

being unfit for the job? really mostly for the force blind classes (quizzy and trooper being included here). it’s been mentioned by multiple people knights was meant for the knight, and if not also extended to the consular and warrior. but a bounty hunter? a smuggler? a trooper? an agent? someone who only knows their daily need for more money just to make a living? someone who hasn’t ever had to lead more that a specforce platoon? someone who works in the shadows instead of broad daylight? being the outlander isn’t meant for these classes, but getting stuck here can be absolutely hell for them without understanding half the things that are being said around them. revan? the emperor? force possession?

ziost? yavin iv? two planets where you basically need a grasp on the force to even really survive the hellish scape for a city planet turned warzone, or the jungles of ghosts and other force creatures?

morality? as mentioned above, most classes know they’re clear cut. they know right or wrong (and do by it as they please), but no longer held in place by the code five years later (if they choose so) or by their faction, what do they do? they don’t get praised anymore for being so pure, no military badges. do they sacrifice a patrol squad for a friend or lover now? is it worth killing someone who tresspassed or betrayed them? now that there is no light or dark, there is no more the empire’s right or the republic’s wrong, what do they do with all that pent up discrimination?

paranoia? after five years of being in carbonite no less, the outlander probably struggles a lot wondering who’s here to kill them, and who’s here to save them. especially after umbara, they tighten their defenses and their hearts, possibly bunkering down for days at a time or taking out their anger on others because of it.

phantom pains? being trapped in carbonite, even after lana’s cure, still pained them so bad they eventually would have phantom pains of lurking injuries from that time. more along the time they’re on zakuul running from vaylin, but it could progress from arcann’s stab wound, or their fight with other zakuulan enemies.

new faces? as much as they see lana in the first few months i predict chapters 1-9 took, their second familiar face is vaylin, and she’s trying to murder them. koth becomes friendly enough (if you decide not to be an ass and kill zakuulans left and right), but the third is theron, but they don’t see him until months, maybe years later. as mentioned above, there’s a small freakout that definitely happened here, especially if their love interest was part of the vanilla crew or theron. every single face is new to them, and who knows if they’re trying to kill you or they’re sympathetic to you?

cross-faction allying? if a warrior chose to ally with the republic because they’ve been cast out of the empire, or the knight chooses the empire because they feel more in tune with themselves there, there’s a lot of underlying trust issues in-between both parties. not everyone is pleased, the republic deserters are happy to go back home, but the imperials are disgusted (but begrudgingly work with them). the republic deserters are disappointed with working for those who sacked coruscant, and the imperials are happy to return home. the outlander struggles with making everyone happy, which can leave longtime effects on them. do they ally with the republic to keep lover!theron happy at the risk of angering lana? do they ally with the empire to keep lover!lana agreeable at the risk of theron leaking their secrets to the sis?

self-care? unless they’re really self-indulgent, the outlander just doesn’t have time for self-care. they, lana and theron probably have all-nighters together just to keep everything up and running. they haven’t eaten in days, caf is in their bloodstream now, and they can barely hold their head up, much less keep their bloodshot eyes open. for all the right reasons, the outlander is probably the unhealthiest person in the alliance. and keep in mind what starvation, malnutrition and sleep-deprivation can do to someone, especially if you exercise a lot (as we see our sprinting outlander do everywhere; hint, brain function drops dramatically)

depression? seperation anxiety? social withdrawal? the outlander probably experiences that all and more. after being told that five years have passed, and their crew hasn’t been found yet, and a whole empire is out to get them? there’s no way that isn’t traumatic enough to have a profound psychological effect on the outlander, causing them at least some form of seperation anxiety from lana or theron (or someone they’re close to) or social withdrawal from just being unable to deal with all anymore. if not that, a whole laundry list of issues that they don’t show on screen.

the psychological effects of valkorian? valkorian bouncing around in the outlander’s head for years on end, you can’t tell me that even after that’s all over (especially the outlander extensively used his powers for their gain), that they aren’t floundering without him. he may have been evil, but he also was nearly their rock through the entire mess of both expansions. he had answers for the outlander when no one else did, he had immense power at his disposal for the outlander if they so chose. now without him, what do they do? they still hope time will stop sometime, so they can ask for more power or get answers to things they don’t understand. there are some pretty close calls following valkorian’s death. they have to be explained somehow.

arcann? if the outlander keeps him around, there is going to be some serious trauma they need to deal with seeing the person that stabbed them once and tried to kill them so many other times. they aren’t going to be all buddy buddy and there sure as hell is way more emotional thought behind shooting down senya’s ship then there is present in-game. and forget about romancing him (unless there’s some odd version of stockholm syndrome going on there) without crying first.

i’ll probably add more as i think about them, but feel free to add your own or use ideas from here! i know these are some of the basis of my own stories :D

#swtor #star wars the old republic #knights of the fallen empire #knights of the eternal throne #????#arcann #valkorian #bioware answer me this

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dameronology · 4 years ago

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insomnia {poe dameron} - 5

summary: as you & finn go about finding secrets on your commander, you have to decide what’s more important - your loyalty to the resistance, or your loyalty to poe {series masterlist}

warnings: angst, swearing, mentions of injury

enjoy!! i shall be going back to do the taglist in the morning because i am ✨exhausted✨

- jazz

Poe’s faced out to the front of the base, which meant they were often flooded with light. Being woken up by the golden sun beating down on your face quickly became one of your favourite parts of spending the night with him - aside from the obvious of his presence, of course. With your limbs tangled together under the sheets, his arms around your waist and face pressed into your shoulder, it was hard not to smile immediately after stirring. It might have been the first time in months that either of you actually got some sleep and not stayed up all night working. Things had a funny way of working out.

You woke up on Friday morning with a few butterflies in your tummy - not because of Poe, but rather because you were about to lie to him.

After confirming the plan for your little mission with Finn the night before, you were supposed to be leaving the base just after noon. The pilot in question hadn’t seemed too phased when his best friend and...well, whatever you were were both suddenly available at the same time. You’d said that you had a team meeting with the rest of Trident Squadron, and Finn had made up something about having plans with Rey. You felt beyond guilty at the prospect of keeping the truth from Poe but there was too much at risk. If he found out, he’d want to act on it immediately - too quickly and too irrationally. Of course, there was no guarantee of that, but if anyone could predict his behaviour, it was you and Finn. The even bigger if was lying in how much was at risk; Winslow being a double-agent to an external organisation could have proven to be the downfall of the Resistance. You had a duty and a loyalty.

‘Good morning.’ Poe pressed a soft kiss to the back of your neck, his grip on your waist tightening as he hugged you to his chest. ‘D’you sleep okay?’

You turned around to press to face him, a sleepy smile on your features. ‘Better than usual.’

‘Who woulda thought?’ He said. ‘So many sleepless nights, and all we needed was each other.’

‘The fact you have a bigger bed and nicer quarters sure helps as well.’ You teased.

‘So you’re using me for my status?’ Poe over-dramatically clutched his chest.

‘Even the notion is insulting, Dameron.’ You grinned. ‘Anyways, I hate to ruin the moment but I have to get ready for that...meeting’

‘I hate that Winslow makes you have meetings on Fridays.’ He grumbled. ‘It’s the one morning I have off.’

Okay, that hurt your chest a little bit. It was hard enough as it was to find moments alone with Poe, hence why you’d taken to staying in his quarters pretty much every night since you’d first kissed. It was literally the only time you had to yourselves, especially since you’d both started to fall into a normal sleeping pattern. Part of you missed the long nights you’d spent together in the hangar, when it had just been you and him and several cups of caff, or when you’d sneak into the Falcon and head out to Yavin-4. That’s not to say they were gone completely, but your relationship had changed, and so had the things you did together.

Still, you wouldn’t have changed how things had progressed for the world. He was starting to become everything to you.

‘It’s only this week.’ You ran a comforting hand through his hair. ‘Next week, I’m all yours.’

‘Every day?’

‘Every day that I can be.’ You smiled. ‘Depends on how badly you ruin your fleet on that mission on Monday. The less damage, the less time I spend fixing the fucking things.’

‘Then I suppose we just shouldn’t go.’ Poe heartily sighed. ‘I’ll message Snap and get him to pass the message on-’

‘- Poe.’ You groaned. His brown eyes creased into a smile, clearly entertained by the whole thing.

‘So you’re saying I shouldn’t ditch an important mission to spend more time with you?’ He teased. ‘Maybe I’m not such a bad influence on you after all.’

‘Considering that I’m laying in bed with you at 10AM when we know full well that the General wanted us in the hangar two hours ago is proof that you very much are.’ You reminded him.

‘Leia doesn’t care.’ He murmured, nuzzling his head into your shoulder. ‘She’s so here for young love.’

‘At the expense of us being late to everything?’ You raised an eyebrow.

‘I’m sure her and Han Solo did the same.’

‘Have you seen a young Han Solo?’ You teased. ‘I would have left the entire Rebellion if that man asked me to.’

Poe let out an oof, raising his head to glare at you. ‘So your type must be cocky, handsome pilots?’

‘You might be into something.’

‘I don’t blame you.’ He replied. ‘He was very good looking.’

‘I know - and I do really need to get going.’ You pressed a kiss to his jaw.

‘When will your meeting be done?’

‘It’s Winslow, so probably hours.’ You lied with ease. Maybe too much. ‘I’ll drop you a message when I’m done.’

Kijimi wasn’t that far out - you and Finn could have been back in a matter of hours. It all It all came down to what Winslow was up to and how long you’d have to follow her for. Perhaps choosing to use a meeting as your alibi hadn’t been the brightest idea, especially if you were going to be out all day. You already hated lying to Poe and the prospect of digging the deception even further made your chest tight. Things between you were good but they were still so fresh. So fragile. You didn’t want to fuck it up - but you couldn’t let this go.

You promised yourself that you would tell him if you found anything out. In fact, he’d probably be the first person. You were only keeping it from him for now because you had his best interests at heart, right?

‘Or, you could stay for ten more minutes.’ Poe pressed a kiss to your cheek.

‘Five.’

‘Fifteen?’

‘Fine.’

Finn didn’t look all too pleased that you were late - especially when you skidded round the corner of the air hangar, hair still dripping wet from the shower and boot laces untied. He was leant against the side of a jet, eyes glued to his watch and his brows furrowed. You were only twenty minutes late; Poe was very convincing, and when you paired that with the guilt you were already feeling, it hadn’t been hard to keep you trapped for the better part of thirty minutes. Trapped was a strong word, actually, because staying glued to him and partaking in some kind of bogus teenage makeout session had very much been a choice.

‘Sorry, sorry, sorry!’ You almost tripped over a strewn wire as you bolted towards him. ‘I lost track of time!’

Finn jumped at your voice, taking you by the shoulders as you neared him. ‘We need to move quickly. There’s a training session in here in fifteen minutes-’’

‘- how did you even get the jet?’ You asked, almost stumbling as he dragged you up the walkway of a semi-decent freighter. It was no Falcon, but it would do. ‘And what is he doing here?’

Threepio turned to look at you, as if to say I beg your fucking pardon?

‘We need someone to get Winslow on record if she says anything dodgy.’ Finn murmured to you. ‘But he thinks this is an official mission, so don’t say anything.’

‘Right.’ You muttered back. ‘How you doing, Threepio?’

‘My joints are rusting-’

‘- we don’t have time for this.’ Finn cut him off. ‘We gotta get going. You okay doing comms?’

‘Yes, sir.’

You both scurried onto the jet, taking your respective seats; you in the pilot’s seat (naturally) and Finn to your left, ready to take the gunner’s seat if necessary - though you both hoped it wouldn’t be. It normally would have taken two pilots to fly a ship this big but you had enough experience to manage, even if your heart hurt a little at the fact it would have been perfect to have Poe right next to you. The guilt of leaving him out - not only of your little adventure, but the knowledge of it too - had been slowly eating at you since you’d left his room. How bad was it to lie so early on in the relationship? Fuck, was that even what this was? The feeling of dread in your stomach had grown now, lingering in your gut and leaving your hands shaking and heart pounding.

Dropping your hands into your lap with defeat, you fell back against the pilot’s seat with a hefty sigh. The Resistance meant a lot to you, but maybe Poe meant more.

‘Finn, I don’t think I can do this.’ You squeezed your eyes shut, trying to fight back the tears that were forming in your eyes.

‘Hey, it’s okay.’ He put a comforting hand on your shoulder. ‘I know going against Winslow is hard but-’

‘- it’s not Winslow.’ You spun your chair to face him. ‘It’s Poe. I can’t lie to him.’

‘We’re not lying.’ Finn replied. ‘I mean...yeah, we are but only to protect him throwing himself into something that we don’t know is for certain. Once Poe has an idea in his head, that’s it. We need to be patient with this and that’s one thing he can’t do.’

It was a little harsh, but Finn was right. Poe was a brilliant pilot and an excellent commander but he sometimes short-wired between thinking and acting. It was a whole lot of the second without much of the first. Sometimes, it worked out - high risk and high reward and all that - but this time, you couldn’t risk it.

‘You’re right.’ You nodded. ‘Thank you - and sorry, I guess.’

‘Don’t be.’ Finn shook his head. ‘We should get this in the air before someone sees us.’

Knocking the engines to full blast, you pulled back on the yoke. There was a split second of nothing, before the jet suddenly shot forward, leering away from the docking station and out of the hangar entrance. It was shaky for a minute - after all, you hadn’t flown it before - but you managed to balance out the thrusters by the time the base was but a dot in the distance. Most of it was second nature to you, and you barely even had to think about it. You could have flown in your sleep.

‘Right.’ You murmured to yourself, tapping in the coordinates that Finn had messily scrawled down. ‘Jumping to hyperspace in 3...2..1…’

You were both thrown backwards as the ship leapt forward, the passing stars in front of you vortexing into a blur of black and white as it spun into a maelstrom of time and space. It was pretty smooth, aside from Threepio complaining about how much he hated flying. You wouldn’t have expected anything else.

‘Kijimi isn’t too far.’ You said. ‘Forty minutes tops, maybe. I know the routes to avoid First Order fleets but I need you to be vigilant.’

‘Did the General not provide a list of First Order schedules?’ Threepio asked. ‘It’s a requirement for all missions. She wouldn’t have approved the mission without - oh no.’

‘You’re onto something, Threepio.’ You tried to fight back a smile. It wasn’t funny...but it kind of was. ‘But don’t worry. Nobody needs to know, okay?’

‘The General needs to know!’ He cried. ‘We’re doomed! Oh, we’re doomed!’

‘Finn.’ You groaned. ‘Can you shut him up?’

‘Shut me up?! I have a right to voice my opinion, especially on matters concerning illegal missions!’

‘I’m the captain of the ship, right? Technically?’ You glanced over your shoulder at him. ‘Is it not within your protocol to do as I say?’

‘Yes, but-’

‘- then it’s settled.’ You said. ‘Just man the comms system and everything will be fine.’

Threepio didn’t say anything after that, instead settling down into his seat, wired up to the comms system. Your main focus was on speed; on getting the jet to Kijimi as quick as possible and getting out as quick as possible. That was pretty much your main purpose, since Finn had sorted out the rest. Obviously, you were going to help him, but your main heist title was getaway driver. He was the brains, and by default, that must have left Threepio as the brawns. Maker.

‘Oh, we have incoming communication!’ The droid spoke up after a few minutes.

‘From who?’ You frowned.

‘Commander Dameron. I’ll pass you over.’

‘Threepi - oh, shit.’

You froze, immediately losing your words when Poe’s voice came over your headset. Maybe informing the droid of Poe’s ignorance to the entire fucking situation would have been a good idea, in hindsight. Heck, seeing who was manning the air traffic control back at base would have been even brighter. The one person you didn’t want to see you leave was the one person whose job was to do that literal thing. Weren’t you and Finn supposed to be good strategists?

‘What do I do?’ You mouthed to Finn with wide eyes. ‘What do I say?’

His eyes were like dinner plates too. ‘I don’t know!’

‘This is Commander Dameron. I need your I.D number and purpose for leaving the base, because I don’t have you on file as authorised.’

‘Shit.’ You hissed. Clamping a hand over the mouthpiece, you looked over at your comrade again, as if he’d come up with a magical plan in the three seconds since you’d last asked. ‘A little help?’

‘Lie!’

‘Right, thanks.’ You hissed.

What choice did you have now? Poe would recognise your voice. You had no option other than to come clean. You took a deep breath, before removing your hand from the mic.

‘My I.D number is 102156 and...we don’t have authorisation.’

‘Babe?’ Poe’s immediate confusion was like a tiny little knife in your chest, which went perfectly with all the ones that were already there. ‘Who’s we?’

‘Heeeeey, honey.’ You couldn’t help but cringe at your own words. ‘We is me, Finn and Threepio.’

‘What’s going on? I thought you were in a meeting-’

‘- I lied.’ You didn’t bother trying to come up with an excuse. ‘It’s a long story. I can’t explain it right now.’

‘You lied?’ The words rolled off his tongue with a tone of disbelief. ‘The hell is going on?’

Finn was sitting beside you, teeth clamped onto his fist as he cringed at the conversation. Easy for him. He wasn’t the one who’d just been thrown head first into piercing cold water by a clueless droid. You were the one who had to explain the deceit to a kicked puppy.

‘Like I said, I can’t explain it right now.’ You let out a heavy sigh.

‘You’ve stolen a jet without authorization and left base for the outer rim without asking. Do you know how serious that is?’ Poe’s tone was harsh.

You couldn’t help but scoff at that. ‘Poe Dameron, do not lecture me on breaking the rules.’

‘Fine - let’s look at it from this angle: you and my best friend both lied to me so that you could sneak out without telling me.’

Yeah, he had you there.

‘You’re making that sound like something way worse than it is.’ You shot back. ‘I will tell you everything as soon as we land, okay? Can you trust me on that?’

‘I don’t think I can.’

‘Look, Finn...knows something. He overheard something. We’re just going to check it out to find out if the thing we think we know is really the thing we think we know.’ You explained, grip on the yoke tightening. ‘We didn’t want to tell you in case it turned out to be nothing.’

‘You...you didn’t want to tell me?’ He sounded completely deflated.

‘Shit.’ You murmured. ‘Can you just trust me on this, please?’

‘The same way that you trusted me?’

‘It’s not that.’ You snapped. ‘It’s just...we didn’t want you to go running head first into an uncertain situation where you could get hurt.’

‘It’s funny, because you just described exactly what’s happened between you and me.’

With that, his line cut to silence.

So, in some ways the mission was a success.

To keep a long story short: Winslow was a rat. A huge, fucking rat. She’d been selling secrets to Finn’s former commander (who had some pretty cool armour) for months. With the right amount of bullying coaxing, Threepio had caved and recorded a conversation between them - you’d had to hide behind some crates to get within proximity to pick it up, but the audio was good enough to prove her guilt. That was the main thing. You’d done what you’d gone to do.

But at what cost?

Thanks to a shootout with some stormtroopers, Threepio was now missing his left arm and you’d lost your blaster in the escape. Finn had managed to sustain a blaster graze on his right shoulder, and you were probably in need of stitches on your forehead. All in a day’s work, really.

‘I’m gonna take Threepio down to mechanics then head down to medical.’ Finn gently said; he stuck out his hand to help you leap off the ship, shutting the door behind you. ‘D’you wanna come?’

‘Uh, no thanks.’ You shook your head. ‘I have work to do in here. The Y-Wings are still out, and Winslow will be on my ass once she’s also back.’

‘So...same time tomorrow to talk about what the fuck we’re gonna do about this whole thing?’

‘Sure thing.’ You said. ‘I’m gonna give Poe some space for tonight, but do me a favour...don’t tell him about what we found out. It’s better if it comes from me.’

‘Of course.’ He nodded with a smile. ‘I’ll see you tomorrow.’

‘See ya, Finn.’

Him and Threepio headed for the door, leaving you alone with nothing but your thoughts and a few broken jets. The wound on your forehead had stopped bleeding enough, so you could leave it for a few hours. It wasn’t exactly wise, but it felt a little too late in the day for that. You’d been looking at wise in the rear view mirror a long, long time ago.

Sighing to yourself, you shrugged off your orange flight suit, tossing it in the cupboard and exchanging it for your tool box. It was coming up to midnight, so you’d been gone the entire day. Tired was simply the tip of the iceberg, and yet the idea of sleeping alluded you completely. You were used to working like this, and it would at least keep your mind off of Poe for a few hours.

He just needed time, right? That’s what you kept telling yourself, even though there was a feeling of dread in your gut that told you otherwise, that you’d fucked it up completely. You weren’t sure you could even handle that idea. Poe had become so important to you in such a short period of time that your brain - and your heart - couldn’t quite handle it. It was rare that you found somebody so special.

Tossing a rag over your shoulder, you pulled open the fuse box, barely masking a sigh at how fried they were. Maybe it was karmic punishment for what you’d done. Yeah, that was definitely it. You’d lied, and now the universe was coming back to bite you in the ass. On the bright side, Winslow’s days at the Resistance were limited now, which meant the same applied to the restrictions she’d placed on you. That was a nice thought; working with Finn, working with Rey, working with Poe.

Y’know, if he ever spoke to you again.

‘Caff?’

You glanced up from the fuse box, turning around to see the pilot, two cups of coffee in hand. Speak of the Dameron and thou shall appear.

‘Hey.’ You quietly greeted him.

‘How long have you been back?’ He asked, taking a seat on an upturned crate.

‘Couple hours, maybe.’ You took the cup from his hand. ‘I wanted to give you a couple hours to...stew.’

‘There’s nothing to stew about. You lied to me.’

‘I didn’t want to.’ You stressed, taking a seat beside him. ‘Can I at least try to explain?’

‘I...I don’t know if I want to hear it.’ His brown eyes moved up from the floor, holding you in a strangling gaze. ‘You broke my trust. You went behind my back with my best friend-’

‘- maker, Poe!’ You cut him off. ‘You’re making it sound like I slept with him!’

He grimaced, before dusting off his legs and standing up. ‘It’s the fact you lied to me with such fucking ease. About the meeting, about being busy-’

‘- if you would let me explain-’

‘- there’s nothing to explain.’ He snapped. ‘Lies are lies.’

‘Don’t act so high and mighty!’ You shot back. ‘It’s not like you’ve never lied before!’

‘Not to people I love!’

‘I - you fucking what?’

You both froze.

Had Poe just confessed his love for you? It sure sounded like it, but...it wasn’t a big deal, right? You were fine. He was fine. This was fine. Well, not really, because neither of you were sure if you were exchanging heartfelt feelings right now or y’know, breaking up, but...he loved you. Poe Dameron loved you.

On second thoughts, maybe you weren’t fine.

‘Winslow is dirty.’ You suddenly blurted. ‘That’s why Finn and I followed her. We wanted to be sure it was certain before we told anyone and now we have solid evidence on her.’

‘Winslow is dirty?’

‘Yeah. Selling secrets to the First Order.’ You nodded breathlessly. ‘Also, I love you too.’

‘You do?’

‘I do.’

‘Cool.’

Before you could say anything else, Poe grabbed you by the arm and yanked you towards him, knocking your caff to the ground. With an arm around your waist and the other on the back of your neck, he crashed his lips onto yours in a breathless kiss. You tangled a hand in his hair, smiling at the feel of the soft curls and the taste of peppermint and coffee. It was a little hard not to be obsessed with him.

‘I’m sorry I lied.’ You murmured, resting your forehead against his.

‘Just..promise me you’ll drag me along on all illegal expeditions in future?’ He whispered, breath tickling your lips.

‘Absolutely.’ You smiled. ‘I promise.’

He didn’t normally let go of things like that so easily - being lied to, in his book, was one of the worst things a person could do. But, now he knew the context, he was a little more inclined to understand your reasoning. And your declaration of love probably had something to do with it too, because with it had come the realisation that nothing else in the world mattered. There wasn’t a single thing more important than you.

‘Finn and I are meeting here in the morning to talk about what we’re gonna do.’ You said. ‘You’ll come, right?’

‘I think I need to be mad at Finn a little longer-’

‘- Poe.’ You groaned. ‘We’re good, right?’

‘We are.’

‘So you two should be as well!’

‘You just declared your love for me, followed by one of the greatest kisses of my life.’ He reminded you. ‘How could we not be good?’

‘I’ll get Finn to do the same!’ You grinned.

‘He did it long before you did.’ Poe teased. ‘But fine. I understand where you’re coming from, and I guess he’s in the same place.’

‘Exactly.’ You beamed.

‘I just have one condition.’

‘Yeah?’

‘Say it again.’

You bit your lip, before smiling wider. ‘I love you.’

‘I love you too.’

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swinfinities · 5 years ago

Text

Long Live the Queen: Part Sixteen

Padmé took a long, deep breath. It had been years. Long, heart-wrenching, war-torn years. A long time ago, she had been a senator and a diplomat. Negotiation and diplomacy had been her weapons of choice. Now, somehow, she was a general, coordinating attacks and deploying troops, waging war against the most hated man in the galaxy—a man that she had once considered a mentor and a dear friend.

Padmé had only begun to realize that she shouldn’t be so surprised by where she had ended up. Her entire life had been war. Even as a newly-elected queen, war had found its way to the peaceful world of Naboo. She had hardly been a teenager then. She often wondered then if she was really ready for such responsibility. She still wondered.

But it didn’t matter now. The past was the past. The only thing she had the power to change now was the present. And now it was time for action. It was time for her son to come home.

Home. She wasn’t sure where that was, anymore. It had been Naboo. But now that was only a world tainted with sad memories. She hadn’t been back since the Clone War ended. After a while, Padmé just sort of accepted that she was now someone without a home. Like a Purrgil, drifting amid the stars.

But Luke had a home. At least, Padmé hoped Luke would still treat it like his home. For all its faults, Tatooine had kept her son safe for years. Hopefully it would again.

Until they all jumped right back into the danger.

The battered old Corellian YT-model freighter thundered down from the sky, kicking up a miniature sandstorm as it came to rest on the sand.

“It’s a wonder that thing still flies!” coughed Owen Lars.

Padmé’s reunion with the Lars family had been a much sweeter one than she had anticipated. In spite of the way that she had left things, running off in the middle of the night with their nephew and that “crazy old wizard.” They hadn’t spoken in years. For all they knew, Padmé and Luke were both dead, or left rotting in some Imperial prison.

But, as always, Owen and Beru brought Padmé back into their home with open hearts and tearful eyes. And Padmé forgot why she could have ever expected anything different.

When the dust had cleared and the roar of the freighter’s engines died off, Padmé’s heart leaped when the first pair of feet came strolling down the boarding ramp.

She hardly recognized him. She remembered leaving behind a little boy, blonde-haired and starry-eyed. Scared, but ready for adventure. He had returned now a young man, with a strong body and an even stronger resolve shining in his blue eyes.

He was dressed in Jedi robes, the long brown cloak flowing in the wind, his blonde hair shining in the light of the suns—his father’s lightsaber hanging at his waist.

Padmé broke down into tears. Because he looked just like Anakin.

Luke held his mother, and she let herself melt into his arms. The two wept together for a while, happy to just be together again.

“Oh, Luke,” Padmé sobbed. “I can’t believe I ever let you go.”

“It’s alright,” Luke said. “It’s okay. It was supposed to happen. It… well, this was my destiny.”

Padmé had never really understood the Force, at least not in the way that a Jedi did. But she had often heard them speak of destiny and the will of the Force. Now she prayed—to the Force, if it would listen—that destiny wasn’t going to lead them into disaster.

After a few minutes, Obi-Wan Kenobi exited the freighter, followed closely by the diminutive figure of Master Yoda.

Padmé finally pulled herself away and dried her tears, freeing Luke to greet his aunt and uncle.

“Obi-Wan,” said Padmé. “It’s good to see you again.”

“And you as well,” he said, bowing slightly. “I was hoping that at least a few tears would be shed on my behalf, but—”

Padmé laughed. “I’m glad the swamp didn’t do much to weaken your sense of humor.”

“That remains to be seen,” Obi-Wan replied. “But I am glad, at the very least, for a dry pair of boots.”

Padmé smiled down at Yoda, leaning on his gnarled wooden cane.

“Master Yoda,” she said.

“Your Highness,” he replied.

I am a queen no longer, she thought to reply. But she knew better than to argue with one as wise as Yoda. After all, she hadn’t lived for nine hundred years. So, she was just glad to let the warmth of his smile soften her war-hardened heart for a short, happy moment.

“Not too poorly, the war has treated you, I hope?” Yoda asked.

“As good as any war can treat someone, I suppose,” Padmé sighed. “There are worse days, and there are less worse days.”

Padmé laughed softly, but it was a sad laugh.

“But I don’t need to tell you that,” she said.

“Mmm,” Yoda grunted in reply, shaking his head. “A terrible thing, this war is. Much death have I sensed. Yes, and pain. Much pain still to come, I fear.”

“Well, if your plan really does work, Padmé, hopefully we stop this war before it really gets started,” said Obi-Wan.

“We’re going to need all the help we can get,” Padmé said. “Even three Jedi may not be enough. Which reminds me… Luke?”

He spun around, turning away from his embrace with his Aunt Beru.

“There’s … someone you need to meet,” Padmé said.

She walked up to her son, placing her hands on his shoulders, which were already almost too tall for her to reach.

“This may be hard for you to hear, and… I know you’re probably tired of so many secrets. But it was so important that this was kept a secret, even from you. It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, I promise you. But it was the only way to keep the two of you safe.”

“I don’t understand—” Luke started to say.

“There is…” Padmé said. “There is another Skywalker.”

Luke’s eyes narrowed in confusion. Or was it surprise?

“What?” he gasped.

Padmé looked toward the entrance of the old Lars homestead—the one that had been their home for more than a decade. She motioned for someone to come.

A young woman stepped out from the shade. She was dressed in a simple white robe, her hair done up in two elaborate buns on either side of her head. A white hood was draped gently over her head to shield her porcelain skin from the garish sunlight.

“Luke,” Padmé said. “This is your twin sister: Leia Organa, Princess of Alderaan.”

*****

“You know,” Luke said. “It’s funny.”

“How’s that?” Leia replied.

“How you got picked to be Princess of… what is it? Alderaan. And I got shipped off to Tatooine of all places, living on a moisture farm. You know, there’s not a kid in Mos Eisley that wouldn’t kill for a chance to set foot in a palace, let alone live in one.”

“Living in a palace isn’t really as glamorous as you think it is,” Leia said, rolling her eyes.

“Oh, yeah, I’m sure it’s really hard waking up to the butler bringing you breakfast in bed every day. I can’t even imagine how difficult it must be to step out of bed and wonder ‘which balcony shall I sit on to sip my tea today?’.”

Luke tried (rather poorly) to mimic the snooty sort of accent that he had heard many of the core-worlders and Imperial-types use.

Leia socked Luke in the arm. They both laughed.

The long-lost siblings sat alone together in one of the small cabins of the ship that was speedily carrying them back towards the fourth moon of Yavin. It was quiet, except for the dull vibration of the hyperdrive echoing through the cold, metal walls.

Leia sighed and shook her head.

“All this time,” she muttered. “I never knew I had a real family. I mean… my parents—”

“You mean Her Royal Highness, Queen of Alderaan?” Luke tried the accent again.

Leia shot him a look.

“My mom and dad,” she corrected. “Are my real family, of course. But I always thought my birth parents were dead. Then, a few years ago, I met Padm—er… my real mom. Our mom. But I had no idea who she was. Still, I always had this weird… feeling when I was around her. I don’t know... I don’t know how to describe it.”

“I know exactly what you mean,” said Luke.

“And then… I started getting involved with the Rebellion,” Leia continued. “My dad didn’t like it, but… it was where I belonged. I’ve been lucky enough to see behind the Imperial curtain, so to speak. I know what really goes on in the Empire. And I decided a long time ago that I can’t sit around and wait for someone else to stop it. Anyway… I saw mom around the Rebel base on Yavin a lot, at least whenever I was allowed to be there, which wasn’t often. I knew she was someone important. She hardly ever showed her face to anyone outside of High Command. Only a few people knew her name. It was only a couple weeks ago that I found out why. My dad just sat me down with her one day and explained the whole thing. That Padmé was my birth mother. That she was Padmé Amidala, Queen of Naboo. That I have a brother. That my father is—”

Leia choked on the words.

“Anakin Skwalker,” Luke finished for her. “Jedi Knight. That’s who our father was. Darth Vader is… something else.”

Leia sighed. “I cried and cried for days after that. I don’t know if it was happy or sad, or sometimes both. I was so excited to have this new family, but just so sad that I missed out on it all before. Eventually, I ran out of tears to cry. And now… now I just don’t know how to feel.”

Luke placed his hand on hers.

“Afraid,” he said. “That’s how I feel, anyway.”

“I thought Jedi weren’t supposed to be afraid,” Leia said.

Luke looked down at his feet, sheepishly. “Fear begets anger, anger begets hate, and hate begets suffering. It is natural to feel fear. It’s what you do with it that matters. Do you turn inward or do you turn outward? At least… that’s what Obi-Wan always says.”

“I’ve heard lots of stories from my dad about Master Kenobi. It’s kind of crazy that the hero from my old bedtime stories is sitting in the next cabin over.”

“And I never even knew he was a Jedi. All my life, he was just the old hermit that lived on the edge of the Dune Sea. Then, all of a sudden, he is a Jedi Master, and I am supposed to just leave everything behind and become a Jedi, too.”

“I’m sorry,” said Leia. “I really can’t imagine what that must have been like. Being so alone for so long…”

“Don’t be sorry. I guess I was scared for a while. And then I was angry for a while after that. But I wasn’t alone, not really. Obi-Wan and Yoda helped me. They made me into who I’m supposed to be.”

“You think it’ll be enough?” Leia asked.

“Enough for what?”

“Enough to win.”

“I… don’t know.”

The Skywalker siblings were quiet for a while. The silence made it easy for the weight of everything that was about to happen start to sink in.

“Do you… do you think we’re going to make it through this?” Leia asked, clearly forcing back tears.

Luke didn’t say anything for a long time.

“I’ve been taught that I shouldn’t fear death,” he said at last. “That I should… how does Yoda put it? ‘Rejoice for those that transform into the Force.’ But… somehow… I know that we’re going to see dad again. And that’s all that matters.”

“How can you know?”

“A feeling.”

#Star Wars Infinities #Star Wars #alternate universe #alternate timeline #what-if #what if #Padme Amidala #Obi-wan Kenobi #Luke Skywalker #Darth Vader #Ahsoka Tano #Leia Organa #fanfiction #fanfic

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drinkupthesunrise · 5 years ago

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2019 Star Wars Rare Pairs Exchange Letter

Hey! While I’m pretty sure I will love WHATEVER you make me, if you are in need / want of some advice, the following may be of interest to you:

In general, I like: pining, unrequited love that turns out not to be unrequited, people being friends & in love with each other generally, found family, ridiculous references, fic that explores what characters mean to each other in a greater context, alt!timeline shit (ie, what would happen if a character had made x choice instead of y), complicated relationships, baby/kid!fic, hurt/comfort.

Things I do not want: character bashing, unnecessary character death (ymmv here it’s Star Wars, characters die, I accept that, but please don’t kill anyone off in the pairings, canonical deaths are fine), gratuitous / explicit violence, mundane!AUs (coffee!shop, high school/college, etc), dubcon/noncon in any form, cheating, first person POV.

General links that might be useful to you: my ao3 works, my fic writing tag, my ficlet tag, and my general star wars tag.

General note: I like characters, and relationships, best when they’re situated in a world that feels real, and that means having other characters around them, and the relationships between them. While the pairings below should definitely be the focus of any fic, please feel free to slip in other things that you think I might like. I think what’s below should give you an idea of that, hopefully :D. For instance, I adore Wedge’s relationship / friendship with the rest of the Fab Four / his pilots in general, and I find the Han / Luke / Leia dynamic endlessly fascinating (both platonically and romantically on all sides), I’m always up for guest appearances from anyone from any point in canon.

Also, in every universe, Wedge Antilles is bisexual. That is very important to me.

Wedge Antilles/Luke Skywalker

Would happily take anything, but specific loves include stuff with them founding Rogue Squadron and that early part of their relationship, where they’re a little unsure and unfamiliar but still utterly trusting of each other? Or in the aftermath of Endor where Luke’s off founding the Jedi Order and Wedge is off fighting the Imperial Remnant and they’re trying to work out if they could have a relationship in all of that? I really love these two, the relationship between them really is one of my all-time faves.

I am also desperate for pre-and-post-TLJ era fic for them. What does Wedge make of Luke’s choices and decisions? Did Wedge go with him to Ahch-To? If Wedge is present, how does that affect the choices Luke makes?

I would also sell my soul for Jedi Academy-era fic in which Wedge is a teacher at Luke’s Jedi Academy, either with them in an established relationship and founding the school, or where Wedge gets involved somehow and slowly realises, oh, actually, Luke is very attractive and there is a lot of pining, and Luke is off having the same realisations about Wedge.

Wedge Antilles/Mara Jade/Luke Skywalker

In which Wedge Antilles and Mara Jade have precisely one thing in common: they both think that Luke Skywalker is endearing and also kinda useless, and would do anything for him. Which includes teaming up to save Luke when he gets into yet more trouble (insert situation of choice here) despite the fact that Mara is really not very convinced by this short flyboy with floppy hair who cannot act, and Wedge is not really over the fact that Mara wanted to kill Luke. Bonus points for them discovering that they have far more in common than they think, and for Talon Karrde & Booster Terrik background shenanigans.

(I’d be okay with platonic!wedge&mara, if you can’t get that bit to work, but I would like Wedge and Mara to both be in love with Luke - or on their way there - and for Luke to love them both back.)

Things which I would also be down for: Wedge and Mara having a drunken one night stand, and when Luke hears about it he is very jealous and also how that might just be the answer to all his problems.

Wedge Antilles/Leia Organa

I think Wedge and Leia are very alike, in some ways - both soldiers with a sense of duty that goes far beyond themselves, who’d sacrifice their personal lives for their ideals every time. So anything that builds on that, really; either early Alliance / Rebellion (pre / post Yavin), with Leia still trying to sort out her feelings for Han / Luke and working them out with the person who is the mid-ground between the two (fight me on this Wedge is Han’s smuggling no-good self crossed with Luke’s idealism and good!man nature), or possibly after the Jedi Temple Massacre, or post TLJ, where they are the last two left standing and seek solace in each other?

Also! If you have read the 2013 Marvel Star Wars comic (the Wood/D’Anda one), you should know I was so very very very weak for Leia as Squadron Commander and Wedge as her second, and I cannot believe that was an actual thing that happened in Legends okay??

(as you can see below, I like Han/Wedge too, so please feel free to alude to polyamory / open relationship stuff with Han/Leia in the background if that takes your fancy.)

Wedge Antilles/Han Solo Okay I can hear you probably going ‘huh what’ and I submit to you these quotes from the X-Wing books, and actually the entirety of Solo Command as a book. Essentially, Corellians giving each other shit. But no seriously in Solo Command there’s a real easiness and willingness to tease and I’d be really interested as to how they got there, and if it ever was anything more.

Also, in new canon – I’ve always figured that Wedge and Han might have a bit of antagonistic start to their relationship, Wedge is much more of a believer and very willing to die for the cause – how does he react when he finds out what Han did in Solo? Aiding Enfys Nest? Does that change his feelings?

(as you can see above, I like Leia/Wedge too, so please feel free to alude to polyamory / open relationship stuff with Han/Leia in the background if that takes your fancy.)

Wedge Antilles/Biggs Darklighter

They must have known each other on Yavin, so it’s not inconceivable that they might have met and, y’know, got it on. So quick and dirty introductions, or possibly even something set later, after the Death Star battle, where Biggs!lives and the two pilots who didn’t get that shot off try and find solace in each other.

Wedge Antilles/Bodhi Rook

So – well, Wedge was at the Imperial Academy for a time, as was Bodhi, and although it’s unlikely they were in classes together, I think that their paths could have crossed; what’s it like when they see each other on Yavin all those years later? If Bodhi is the only survivor of the Rogue One team, and Wedge is the only survivor of the original pilots (Luke is too new, really) do they find solace in each other? Do they only really catch up after the war with each other, and suddenly realise that no one else is quite going to understand their grief? (I am heavily into Wedge Antilles has a case of survivor’s guilt the size of a Star Destroyer this ship only compounds my feelings).

Wedge Antilles/Lando Calrissian

They took down a Death Star together, that’s a start. I think the other thing about these two is they’re both very set on keeping their people safe – Wedge with his pilots, Lando with the people of Cloud City, and they have principles and lines they won’t cross but they’ll go through hell and back to try and save as many as they can. So maybe something about that?

Wedge Antilles/Mon Mothma

This was mostly crack, until I incepted myself (and several other people) with it, and now I have very serious feelings about it and I want them to be in love. And have really good sex.

I think they are both serious impassioned people who want to do what is right, only Wedge is brash and daring and Mon is tempered by experience / diplomacy. So maybe something where Wedge does something reckless and Mon has to take him to task for it? Or Wedge trying to lure Mon out of her seriousness, but also he is a very serious person himself but seriously, Chancellor, you have been at your desk for twenty hours please come to the mess. Love letters – they write letters after the war and slowly fall in love?

I also have many, many feelings about how Mon apparently trained as a starfighter pilot after the fall of the Republic and was ready to quit the political life until she realised she could do more good there. What about a universe where becomes a pilot, becomes the senior starfighter officer. Does it turn into mentorship or a rivalry? Or maybe Mon—as chancellor—just decides to use her training and goes on a mission with Wedge and Wedge is completely and utterly impressed by her.

Fucked-up power dynamics are also very much a feature: Mon is ultimately Wedge’s commander in chief, his life is in her hands, etc. I like the power play, I like it a lot.

Wedge Antilles/Amilyn Holdo

There’s something about the way Amilyn reacts to flyboys doing stupid things, like she has seen it all before. Maybe she has? I feel these two would have really good banter and a very sparky relationship, lots of challenging each other. But also mutual respect, possibly found later – they are both very good at their jobs.

I’d love fic set post-Rebellion era, where they’re both trying to find their footing in the new Galaxy, or maybe fic set around TLJ – what if Wedge is with the Resistance? Does he conflict with Amilyn over her command decisions? (I think Amilyn should still have charge of the Resistance, don’t make Wedge outrank her.) Can he mediate the conflict between her and Poe? What if Wedge is with the Republic and brings a fleet to save the day?

Wedge Antilles/Louis Hoshi (Battlestar Galactica)

everyone SHUT UP yes i have a type yes it’s stoic dark haired men who face great personal tragedy and still do their duty SHUSH

Look, I’m not even going to attempt to justify this one.

Anyway, I have two main thoughts on this. One, the Pegasus finds the GFFA instead of the Galactica, probably shortly after Yavin, and Wedge and Hoshi bond over basically losing everyone they’ve ever cared about. In the second, post-Blood on the Scales / The Oath and that horrendous mutiny, the Galactica finds the GFFA, and Hoshi finds a kindred spirit who has sacrificed and believes in doing his duty just as much as he does.

Wes Janson/Derek “Hobbie” Klivian

So Wes and Hobbie are like the ultimate wingpair / brothers-in-arms, they are two peas in a pod, and I love them. I like slow realisation of feelings, the dragging out of the relationship over the years, perhaps one of them pining away whilst the other one wakes up one day and is like ‘oh, it’s you, you’ve been here all along and I never noticed.’ But also! Comic shenanigans, prank wars between them, practical jokes, truth or dare - I’m easy to please, honestly.

Jagged Fel/Jaina Solo/Zekk

Okay, for those who didn’t go and read all of Legends… Jagged Fel is Wedge Antilles’ nephew, Jaina Solo was Han and Leia’s daughter, and Zekk was one of Luke’s students. There was a bit of a love triangle going on. However, in many points, it was less of a love triangle, and more… well. They should have all banged.

Key moments include that time Jaina and Zekk were in a hive mind, and got slightly confused over whose memories were whose, leading to this conversation:

Our boyfriend means business, Zekk observed.

Don’t know that it’s him. And it’s old boyfriend.

Right. We’re so over him.

We?

And also the bit in Legacy of the Force: Invincible, where after Jag and Zekk help pull Jaina out of a sticky situation, she, in a state of confusion due to her banged up head, asks them to both to bunk with her.

So, basically, I want poly shenanigans – fic after the proposed quarters sharing would be great (what if Jag and Zekk took her seriously and had already moved everything about by the time she came round???), messy relationship rebuilding after the Dark Nest fiasco, something where Zekk steps in as Jaina and Jag’s relationship starts to fall apart post NJO? I dunno. But I want them all to kiss.

Plourr Ilo/Evaan Verlaine

They are both kickass lady pilots, and they are both very gay, sooooooooo… it is a crime that they do not exist in the same canon. I want shenanigans. I want an encounter where one or both is undercover and they don’t realise the other is a rebellion / new republic pilot until after everything. I want them on different squadrons trying to one up each other.

Iella Wessiri Antilles/Wedge Antilles/Luke Skywalker

Okay so look what I really, really want is the utterly tragic fic after Mara’s death where Iella ‘I know what it feels like to lose a spouse’ Antilles and Wedge ‘I loved you once before who says I can’t do it again’ Antilles decide that they’re going to put Luke back together again, in whatever way it takes. Featuring movie nights, bed sharing and a lot of relationship negotiations.

Also acceptable would be fic set around the time of the X-Wing books, in which Wedge is trying very hard to move on from Luke but is doing an utterly terrible job of it but also really really likes Iella, and the mess (and eventual happy polyamory negotiations) that comes out of that.

Iella Wessiri Antilles/Wedge Antilles/Diric Wessiri

So, Diric really didn’t seem to have any objections to Iella and Wedge getting it on when Wedge (tragically) goes to ask Iella out in the Krytos Trap. So what would happen if something had happened between Wedge and Iella. How do the three of them navigate that—does Diric try and encourage them and leave them to it only for Iella to miss her husband too much, or does Iella try and ignore her developing feelings for Wedge in favour of her marriage.

I am also very interested in what happens if Diric lives—Wedge and Iella still have that tension between them, does that develop? I suspect they both feel absolutely awful about it and try to keep it underwraps while Diric is subtly—or not so subtly—trying to push them together.

Somewhat related thoughts: based on the fact that Iella and Diric married when Iella was very young, and she took his last name when that’s not the standard for independent corellian women… I have an elaborate headcanon about how she married Diric to get out of a really bad home situation, and only fell in love with him later on. How does that play into the dynamic?

#star wars rare pairs #rare pairs #exchange letter

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chubbyooo · 6 years ago

Text

Blurred Lines : Chapter 9 - Memories

Chapter 9 continuing the trek through the jungle (warning high on exposition)

Kyradia and Ashara have made camp for the night in a cave and begin discussing the past

Kyradia sat quietly while Ashara boiled water over the fire. Night had fallen and they had taken refuge in a nearby cave, it’d been pretty quiet since their previous conversation in the forest Kyradia was trying not to overstep and make herself look bad which was proving tricky. It was unclear how long a night cycle was on Yavin IV Kyradia thought it was likely to be irregular due to the fact it’s a moon, point being they could be here for a while.

Ashara picked up the pot carefully and began to pour out two cups of tea, Kyradia had no idea what leaves were being used but hoped it was just normal; there had been too many occasions where Kavaraa had offered tea and given her some weird concoction of flavours. Ashara passed her the cup and sat down opposite, Kyradia took a sip and to her delight it was just regular tea she smiled at Ashara “thanks this is good”

“you’re welcome thought it would help us warm up a bit” always so resourceful Kyradia would’ve just sat close to the fire and end up nearly burning herself. “hey you never finished your story?”

“story?” Kyradia cocked her head confused, story what story? she wasn’t telling a story.

“about how you became friends with Kavaraa, i wanna know what changed” friends seemed like a strong word but clearly there was no getting around telling this story without looking weird. She didn’t really want to think about it right now given everything but it would show she’d changed so why not.

“well i wouldn’t exactly call us friends but sure i’ll explain” Ashara looked pleased with that Kyradia was never sure but she thought Ashara may have looked up to Kavaraa before the eternal empire. Kyradia remembered being incredibly jealous at the time but she had never had time to address it.

“After me and Marr got captured by the eternal empire Kavaraa formed a team with people from alliance formed to fight Revan. They made a plan to break me out and also maybe take the fight to Arcann” Kyradia remembered being told about this many of her old rivals and friends tried to save her it still didn’t feel right, she never understood why they didn’t just go for Arcann what did she offer that was so special?

“oh i wish i’d known about that i would’ve been there in a heartbeat we all would’ve” Ashara was sweet but Kyradia was glad she hadn’t been there in the long run

“it’s ok this is not a success story” Kyradia sighed “apparently they got an excellent republic smuggler to smuggle them onto Zakuul, Kavaraa and the smuggler went to save me while everyone else tried to take the throne”. Kyradia definitely understood she wasn’t the top priority but that being said if she was in charge she would’ve saved herself first and then attacked the eternal throne with everyone together but hey what did she know she’s only the alliance commander.

“let me guess those trying to take the throne got beaten” Ashara was always so smart she probably agreed that the idea was badly executed. Beaten was an understatement but that’s because an idiot range monster and a giant buffoon were leading them.

“yeah Arcann easily beat them all with the help of Vailyn and the knights” Kyradia remembered how strong Vailyn had been honestly there was little chance they could’ve won without knowing how to disable her. “Kavaraa however did pretty good; she had nearly gotten to my cell when Vailyn caught up to them apparently one of the team had talked about the plan” Kyradia was pretty sure she knew who it was and it was really no surprise idiot rage monster “Kavaraa put up a pretty good fight but was eventually beaten like the rest of them”

“they completely lost? how are they still alive” Kyradia always thought that was one of Arcanns key mistakes but at least it showed some level of compassion.

“Arcann didn’t kill them as he thought they’d turn into martyrs for the republic and empire whereas if they just failed then it showed” Kyradia mimed air quotes “the strength of the eternal empire” pompous arse “so he had them imprisoned instead”

“so how does this relate to you and Kavaraa becoming friends” Ashara asked there’s that word again friends nope not friends. She did realise however she had gotten completely distracted from the point of the story

“i’m getting there patience” Kyradia was pretty tired of storytelling for now “i’ll tell you the rest in the morning i’m gonna turn in” She hoped she was telling it right she didn’t remember how Theron explained himself in the moment.

“ok night Kyradia sleep well” yeah not likely Kyradia thought as she turned over sleep was never easy

The next morning Kyradia awoke with a jolt to see Ashara crouching over her looking concerned “ma-master are you alright? yo-you were tossing, turning and talking about something in your sleep” oh phew just the normal sleep stuff Kyradia was worried there for a second

“yeah no i’m ok just a bad dream it’s not that uncommon don’t worry about it” Kyradia knew why she got them she didn’t really want to explain it to Ashara.

“i’m going to worry about it it doesn’t seem healthy” damn Ashara wasn’t going to drop it she could always just be vague

“i know it’s not healthy but i’m dealing with it, i’m sorry but i doubt you can do anything to help... it’s not a physical thing” that hopefully was detail enough

Ashara looked unhappy but content “ok but you tell me if there’s a problem alright”

“sure no problem” Kyradia realised she hadn’t slept in the same “room” as Ashara since she started getting these, well a lot had changed in five years.

A few hours later and they were back in the jungle, they had perched themselves on the top of a ridge and Kyradia was using Macrobinoculars to scout the area. She scanned the dense green forest for a while before spotting the tip on a rather large and over the top temple she recognised, she pointed to it “there we’re not far now”. The mission had been going well so far, she had managed to catch up with Ashara and Ashara was starting to trust her more and more, after the incident this morning Kyradia had been trying to take things a bit slow to not freak her out.

“so what happened with Kavaraa then?” not slow oh god that’s not slow Kyradia was surprised she had completely forgot about the story she was hoping that was enough but to be fair she hadn’t actually touched on them being “friends”.

“oh um well for a few years i believe she stayed in the prison reaching some form of higher force knowledge” Kyradia had no idea what that meant to be honest “or something i dunno meditation related, but during that time Theron was trying to find out where she was”

“who?” Ashara looked puzzled

“oh right Theron is that guy I was always complaining about the fact i had to work with back when we were investigating the Revanites” that should jog her memory

“oh right yes of course” Ashara had a smug look Kyradia definitely took a while to warm up to the idea of working with the republic

“anyway eventually he managed to find where she was and break her out, from there she secretly helped run the alliance through Theron” Kyradia still didn’t like the fact Theron had been lying to her but in hindsight Kyradia was pretty angry at the time so another thing may have put her over the edge, Ashara didn’t have to know that

“so eventually he introduced her to you and you forgave her?” Ashara interrupted was that the way it should’ve gone oh dear if only it had been that simple

“uhhhhhhhh no she introduced herself while i was comatose on the eternal throne fighting the emperor” Kyradia mumbled, the circumstances did not reflect well on her given that the only time she accepted it was when she literally defended Kyradia from death

“oh well that’s still good right she helped you beat the eternal empire and you made up” Ashara interrupted again why was she making this so much worse just let me finish oh god she was gonna look so bad in this story

“welll not exactly what ended up happening was my old rival Zoyin turned up obsessed with pleasing the emperor fought her and stabbed her” Kyradia may be telling this story far more casual than it was at the time, Ashara looked like she was about to speak but Kyradia quickly made sure she could finish before she looked even worse. “I killed the emperor which scarred Zoyin off” serves her right the callous bitch “and then saw the situation and...” Kyradia sighed deeply, Ashara looked troubled clearly this wasn’t reflecting so well on Kyradia, this is why she didn’t want to tell the story. “and after Theron and Lana convinced me we took her to Voss to be healed” Kyradia hung her head “sorry i know i come off like a bitch in that story that i only could bury the hatchet in the most extreme circu-”

Ashara wrapped her arms back around Kyradia and squeezed tight “you did fine i remember what you two had been through that was still very big of you to do and hey given what you’d been through i hardly expected it to be clean cut.” Kyradia was bewildered she was sure this story was going to prove that she was just what she’d been back on Voss but Ashara didn’t care “One way or the other you saved her life and that showed you care, is that the full story?”

Kyradia looked away for a second “mostly yeah, lets get going we have a temple to save” also this hug was making her very uncomfortable...

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veiled-legacy · 6 years ago

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When I Woke Up

A SWTOR story set during the early chapters of KOTFE.

She was asleep for five years and he flooded her thoughts the moment she woke up. After seeing his name on that message, she doesn’t know how to react. What does it mean to dream about someone?

(A romance/friendship story with my Inquisitor/Theron and Koth is becoming a good friend on the Zakuul surface)

***

When I Woke Up

It did all feel like a crazy dream. Once again having a sadistic madman in my head mumbling promises of power and seemingly unattainable freedom. Currently residing in a legendary space ship that’s framed into the earth of this strange planet. Watching Marr die. Watching as I stabbed my lightsaber straight through the emperor, no, Valkorion’s chest. Waking up to find, not my ship and my crew… my family, but Lana. Five years. Force, did I wish this was all a crazy dream.

Once everything settled down on the gravestone I decided to check my messages to see if anyone in my crew had tried to contact me over the years. Nothing. Not one message from my crew, but there was a letter from someone I did not suspect.

Theron Shan.

From: Theron Shan Subject: For when you wake up

I’ve written this message twice now. Okay, more than twice. Kinda weird writing something that may never be read. Lana says you’re locked in carbonite, but alive. (Yeah, we’re in touch. Long story.) I like to think you’re having one crazy dream. And maybe I’m in it. But I don’t want to presume. We never really declared what this—you and me—is… was…. Have I mentioned I’m bad at relationships? Another reason I’m a workaholic.

I’m rambling. The point I’m trying to make is—whatever’s between us, I want you to know that I care about you. A lot. The whole galaxy’s lost its mind. The thing that keeps me going is the knowledge that you’re out there, and we’re putting together a plan to rescue you. I might not be there—we’ve all got our parts to play—but I haven’t forgotten about you or our time together. I never will.

A crazy dream… and he’s in it? What we are? We all have our parts to play… our time together…

“Hey, you all set to go?” a voice and hand on my shoulder bolted me out of my thoughts as I quickly turned to see Koth with one hand on the large bag hung over his shoulder and his other hand gently resting on his blaster. His demeanor was easier going and more humorous than I was used to. This coming from a member of the dark council who has a pirate, a very confused Jedi, a blood thirsty Kaleesh, a century old shadow killer and an artifact obsessed historian as her crew. After five years, I could only hope they were all doing well. “Hey, are you okay?”

Koth displayed a certain level of concern on his face which puzzled me. I was a master in many things regarding the force: persuasion techniques, lightning storms, corruption. However, I was a mere acolyte when it came to understanding people.

I was sold into slavery at 9-years-old by my parents. They sold me for money to buy spice, which I discovered years later, ended up killing them. After being sold into slavery, I started working the streets by stealing as much as I could to make money for my master. If I came back without enough, I was beaten. If I was caught, I was beaten. If I came back with too much and upstaged the other kids, I was beaten. Another slave, Kelin, was the only other person who I could remotely resemble as a friend. We shared our small portions of food with each other, tried to double on our blankets at night to keep each other warm and tried to come up with excuses to keep the other from trouble. When our master got Kelin killed, I tore him apart. The Sith who discovered the bloody aftermath explained that I couldn’t have stopped it even if I wanted to. The anger inside of me called upon the force that I hadn’t used since birth and caused the lightning that shot from my fingers to mangle him in two.

I was 17 when that Sith took me in to be his slave instead. He trained me enough to keep my power at bay so there was no chance I could split him in two as well. That lasted until I was 21. Someone on the council, who was never identified, had him killed. That’s when they sent me to Korriban to start my real training. That seems a millennium ago now. Receiving any form of genuine emotion leaves me with nothing but confusion. Even with my crew. I talked to Ashara often about many things. She’s the reason I started questioning the Sith and their code. Though I would never consider myself a Jedi, I’m not sure I could consider myself a Sith now either. Andronikos is probably the one person who could get me to actually smile, and that’s because there was no bullshit in our relationship. We drank, we talked about the past and played pazaak. That was it. He was never a touchy-feely person either which is why it worked. Then of course you have the other three in my company. Talos is a good man, but not much for personal conversations. Xalek and Khem, well… Koth is one of the only people I’ve spent time with who actually seems… normal? Other than…

“Of course. Where are we headed to?” I knew we needed parts for the ship, but I left the planning to Koth since he knows the Gravestone better than Lana or I.

“Right… well, I’m reading a lot of different signatures on the surface. Once we leave this beauty, I’ll have a better idea of what I’m looking at here.”

“Then the surface is where we shall go.” Koth gave a quick nod before following my lead off the Gravestone. Our boots echoed across the metal floor of the ship. Static and sporadic electrical trills sounded from the other rooms. She had a long way to go before she was ready to fly again. Once on the surface, Koth lead the way to where he thought the different parts would be. We ran into a few of the creatures lingering around the swampy area, but they were easily disposed of.

A crazy dream… what exactly did his message mean? Yes, Theron and I had a relationship of sort. I flirted, he flirted back. I kissed him, he kissed back. We fought and planned well together, but what did that all mean?

In the past I had slept with many men, but not with the notion that I would ever see them again after the deed was done. Theron was different. Of course, we hadn’t slept together, when would we have had time? While drowning in pirates on Rishi? While fighting off Revan on Yavin? During the destruction of Ziost? No. He was right. There was never a time to talk about what we were. I can’t say I never thought of it. I usually never gave a second thought for the men who frequently walked in and out of my life, but Theron kept coming back. Why did he keep coming back? Why would he be in my dreams?

“Hello… philosopher? Are you still alive in there? The carbonite didn’t fully damage your brain did it?” Koth’s voice brought me back to the task at hand again. As I looked at him I was once again faced with the same look of concern he gave on the Gravestone. Similar to the look Theron gave me before the fight on Yavin. The look he gave me when he found me on Ziost.

“Philosopher?” I questioned.

“Ah! So, you are still alive! Good. Yeah, philosopher. I don’t know, you’ve had the same look stuck on your face since I picked you up on Zakuul. It’s like you’re constantly thinking about something. Philosophers constantly think about stuff don’t they?”

“In the simplest of definitions yes. They seek wisdom or enlightenment.”

“Well that definitely rules you out then,” I thought Koth’s cheeks would split open from the smirk that appeared on his face.

“Excuse me. Are you implying I am neither wise nor enlightened?”

“I’m just saying you’re currently running around, knee deep in force knows what, searching for ship parts to repair a century old ship that’s stuck in the ground with a guy you hardly know so we can go force knows where to save the galaxy from certain evil. Wise and enlightened are not words I would use in this situation.”

The laughter came out before I could stop it. Koth’s eyes widened as he stumbled back into a mud pile, quickly causing him to fall straight into a pond of murky jade water. His mouth dropped open as his arms held his blaster and half of the large bag over his head above the foot of water he was currently soaking in. My mouth shut as I tried to contain the laughter bouncing around in my chest. I efficiently called upon the force to lift him out of the water and place him on his two feet on dry land. I wrapped one arm across my chest and the other arm covered my mouth.

“I do apologize. I understand I am a grave force to be reckoned with, but I did not think a simple laugh could knock a man off his feet.”

“Yeah, well, I didn’t expect a philosopher to laugh so we’re both a little shocked here.” Koth grabbed pinches of his pants as he shook as much of the water off as he could.

“Have you ever been in love, Koth?” I asked simply.

Koth stopped in his tracks and glanced at me in his bent over position. “Come again?”

“Have you ever been in love?”

Straightening up, he cleared his throat a bit before placing the bag at his feet and crossing his arms across his chest in a manner that stated he was more uncomfortable than defensive. He picked at his jacket a bit as he swayed slightly back and forth. Turning his head to the side and scrunching his eyebrows he responded, “Huh, I don’t think so. Looking back, I’ve always been too busy to ever think about it. Flying has kind of been my life for so many years, no one has ever been able to compare.” Nodding, I looked slightly to the ground, my thoughts back to the letter. Back to the idea of dreaming about Theron. “Uh, why do you ask? Is this some philosophical question?”

Looking back at him, I smirked before thinking about how I wanted to pose this predicament I was in. Explaining battle plans or possible tactical advantages was second nature to me now. I sometimes dream about different battle scenarios, but I’ve never given a thought about what it would mean to dream about a man. To dream about Theron. To want to.

“No. Just curiosity.”

“Curiosity… right.” Koth picked up the bag and dropped it across his shoulder again before looking at the scanner on his wrist to see if he could pick up any other parts nearby. “Well, out of curiosity, have you ever been in love?”

“That is what I am curious about.” I wasn’t quite sure why I was saying these things to Koth or why I even thought this should be a conversation to have now. I do know I lost five years in that prison. Five years of teaching Ashara and Xalek. Five years of drinks I could have had with Andronikos while playing Pazaak in the cockpit of our ship. Five years of stories from Talos. Five years of glorious victories with Khem. Five years… five years of figuring out what this is with Theron. I missed five years.

Kelin once told me I should smile more and open up to others. He said keeping everything to myself and never confiding in those around me would end up killing me. He said it would cause my deepest scars. Of course, he said this after he received his third beating that day, while I hand fed him his dinner in our cold pathetic excuse for living quarters. But more than his wounds, it worried him that I was too closed off. That I was going to live the rest of my life with words unsaid. Maybe that’s why I was opening up to Koth. Maybe I was finally too tired to carry these scars around alone.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Once Koth spoke again, he was right in front of me. His hand was gently touching the armor on my shoulder as he looked right at me, no more concern on his face. It was replaced with genuine interest and… friendship.

“Later.” I patted his arm twice before walking ahead of him to return to our original mission. He didn’t question nor pester. His steps fell right behind me as we walked quietly across the swamp floor once more. Right now, that was enough. There would be time to talk about Theron. With luck, I would be able to talk to Theron again. For now, we need to find parts for this ship, get it in the sky, get an army and take Arcann off that throne.

“Koth?”

“Yeah philosopher?”

“Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For making me laugh.”

The footsteps stopped behind me.

“Anytime, Kyehna.”

From: Kyehna Subject: For when I see you again

I will be honest from the start and tell you I have written this message a thousand times. When Lana told me five years had passed, I panicked for the first time since I was a child. I did not know how to feel or what to think. Strangely, my first thoughts were of you. Logically, it should have been of my crew or the council. It should have been of the empire. No, instead, I had thoughts of you. They vanished quickly as I was then being chased by Arcann and his entire army, but that story has already been told. If it is not one tyrannical emperor, it is another.

Theron. I do hope you are well. I care for you more than I would dare admit, but you are right. We all have a role to play in this. Lana got me out and has been a vital adviser every step of the way. Koth is a brilliant pilot and strong voice for this cause. Senya has had information that could turn this war in our favor. Even HK has been shooting as many of our enemies down as possible. What I am trying to say is, whatever your role is in all of this, I understand. I can only hope that you come to me in one piece when you are done. Until then, I will wait for you.

I always will.

#swtor #fanfiction #sith inquisitor #Theron Shan #koth vortena #kyehna #romance #friendship #picture at the bottom for reference #my oc #it's all done!#please let me know any thoughts on it if you read it!#it's been so long since i wrote anything #and i've haven't gotten this excited about any writing in years #hope you like this!#when i woke up

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scruffyhappaboreherder · 6 years ago

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Coming Home

This is for @doptimous, inspired by the prompt “What could be worse than losing you?" I was going to write something else but it went sideways and I wrote the prequel instead.Happy New Year, and Happy Amnesty Day, which it still is in the Pacific time zone! (My original posting day was the 30th. Oops. And sorry.)

Warnings / tags: Everybody from Rogue One is still dead except Jyn and Cassian. Bodhi briefly survived Scarif but then I killed him again because I’m a jerk.

Past polyamory (Cassian/Jyn/Bodhi, mostly Jyn/Bodhi), ace spectrum Cassian, use of content from the Aftermath trilogy (mostly an appearance by Conder Kyl and mentions of other characters), trauma, swearing, gratuitous amateur geology, nothing more physical than snuggling/kissing/holding hands, vague allusion to assisted reproductive technologies (but no actual pregnancy)

As the others filed out of the briefing room, tactfully leaving the two of them alone, Cassian stood and crossed the few meters that separated them. "Come on, Lieutenant Erso. On your feet."

She rolled her eyes as she took his extended hands and levered herself out of the chair. "So I missed a lot."

"A little," he agreed, dropping one of her hands. "Where do you want to go first?"

"'Fresher." The door sealed itself behind them. "No, my quarters, then the 'fresher."

Home One was a large ship, and they were entirely likely to be seen by other crew; but under the circumstances he didn't think that anyone would object to their holding hands in the corridors.

Space was tight, but there was enough for the officers to have a room to themselves, however small. Jyn opened the door and tugged him inside impatiently; then her arms were around him and her mouth was on his. He kissed her back, gladly and eagerly, because knowing that the Empire had been reduced to scattered fragments while she was away on a mission had torn at the part of him that burned for her. Even more than usual.

When they separated, he reached for the cord around his neck, lifted it, and held it out to her. She smiled the small soft smile she always smiled at these moments, and lowered it over her head. The cord settled between her breasts, and she lifted the crystal and tucked it under her shirt.

"Thank you for keeping it safe." She leaned in and kissed him again, gently, and pulled him closer. "I'm going to get clean. Wait for me?"

"Always."

When she came back they stretched out shoulder to shoulder on her narrow bed. His "I've been thinking—" collided with her "What about?" She laughed and rested her head on his shoulder. "Go on, Cass."

He took a deep breath. "The best analyses are that it's all over now for the Empire but the mopping up. And I think I want out."

"Out?" Jyn echoed, as if she'd never heard the word before.

He nodded. "We found out that the second Death Star was destroyed, and I spent every moment since then worrying that you might not come back." His chest felt tight. "I was sure that would happen as soon as it was all over."

"But I did come back." She touched his cheek. "I'm here, Cass."

"Yes." He curled up against her, and she turned to face him and wrapped her arms around him. "I spent a lot of time thinking about what I would do if you didn't make it back," he mumbled to her shoulder.

"What did you think about?"

He shifted to rest his chin on her shoulder, so she could hear him clearly. "Fest." He took a deep breath. "I want to go back there. I hope you'll go with me."

"Would you have gone without me? If I didn't make it back?"

"Yes."

"Good." She kissed his forehead. "Then I will go with you."

"Just like that?"

"Were you expecting an argument, Major Andor?"

"Most people wouldn't instantly agree to live on economically ravaged cold planet they didn't have any connection to."

She raised her eyebrows. "I think you count as a connection, Major Andor. Besides, I was born on a cold planet, even if I don't remember it. And," Jyn sighed gustily "—too many planets are economically ravaged. And ecologically."

"I didn't even think of that last part," Cassian admitted. Fest was a cold planet; that hadn't stopped the Empire from turning huge chunks of land into industrial sites, stripping the planet of as many resources as it could carry away, and leaving the industrial sites polluted.

"How bad is it?"

"I don't really know," Cassian admitted. "I haven't looked."

"Then it's time to." She grabbed the datapad on her nightstand, unlocked it, and started searching.

***

Later, when they were satisfied with the shell of their plan, they signed up for discharge counseling right from Jyn's datapad. Unfortunately, the hierarchy was disinclined to let him go quickly. It doesn't take long for him to become rapidly tired of the bland conference room, or the bland human man who was assigned as his discharge couselor.

"Major Andor, the Republic has a great need of counterintelligence operatives at this time. We expect that the remains of the Empire, as well as other groups, will attempt to penetrate and influence our organization."

"The Republic needs to develop operatives and planners who are better suited to the restoration of civil order," Cassian countered. I might stay on for a short time, in an advisory capacity. But not for long."

"A year, perhaps."

"I think three months would be enough," Cassian countered.

"Six months, with the possibility an of extension."

"If you can't get by with six months I question your ability to do it at all. Or your sincerity in making that offer." Cassian crossed his arms and leaned forwward, resting his arms on the table. "You aren't giving me much of an incentive to stay."

"We'll see what you can do in six months." The official made a note. "I believe you'll want to stay and strengthen the Republic's security apparatus. But perhaps you'll surprise me, one way or another."

Cassian took the datapad and read each clause carefully, and then he signed.

"You wouldn't be the first," he informed the official, and left the room and went to find Jyn.

***

She looked pensive. Before he could ask what was wrong, she handed him her datapad.

It's not a separation document. It's not a contract. It's an acceptance of responsibility for a gamete sample.

"Did you ever ... talk about that?"

Jyn shook her head. "It wasn't like that." Her voice was heavy. He knew this loss weighed on her, and always would, and wished she hadn't been compelled to remember it.

She had come to him a few weeks after the destruction of the first Death Star. They had seized whatever moments they could find to spend curled around eachother. They had wept, raged, confided, kissed gently, and held each other as tightly as they could. But neither of them had made a move to remove any clothing, their own or the other's.

One day she sat next to him, and said "I think Bodhi wants me." Her voice was calm, as if she were reporting that weather conditions were mild.

"And?" His own tone suggested that he wasn't in charge of launch control or scheduled for takeoff, and wondered why she was telling him.

She looked up at him. The look in her eyes was not pleading, exactly, but vulnerable and asking for understanding. "I don't know if I want him in the same way," she said slowly. "But I think it could be something I need right now. And that maybe he does too."

He was silent. She continued speaking, haltingly.

"I just need ... to burn something off. And I don't want ... to make you be part of that. But I don't want to alienate you because I feel ... adrift and looking for a harbor. Tou've been my harbor since the council meeting. And this is meaningful to me. I hope you know that.

"We're comrades. I hope we always will be. But I want us all to be friends, too. And if you can't work with that..." she shrugged. "Then things stay the way they are."

Finally there was a space for his voice in this flood of words. "Jyn. I'm not arguing."

"But are you agreeing?" She flushed and looked at the floor. "I'm sorry. I'm not trying to pressure you. I just ... this has been itching at me."

"I can tell," he said, dry as the sands of Jedha, and put his arm around her. "Give me some time to mull it over." He knows that what she and Bodhi really share—not to discount their friendship—is grief for Galen Erso and Jedha and the rest of Rogue One. But it doesn't seem necesary to point that out.

He'll never stop being glad that he said yes. After Jyn's first overnight with Bodhi, he asked "Well?" and Jyn made a pretend-thoughtful face and said "He's teachable." Then she burst into giggles and pounced on him, giving him a long glorious kiss.

Bodhi seemed to expect things to be awkward, and to think that Cassian would rather not see him. But one day, when Cassian was having a post-briefing snack with Jyn after a meeting, Bodhi came in and veered toward them, and then away, having apparently seen Jyn first and then Cassian.

"Hey, Ells!" Cassian had called, using Bodhi's new name, and waved, beckoning. It wasn't much of a secret among those who were there when Bodhi Rook arrived on Yavin that he and Ells Risken are the same man, but it was meant to provide some measure of security for Bodhi, who is still wanted by the Empire. He had a new hairstyle, and the repairs to his injuries necessitated some small anatomical differences. Bodhi had decided it was the best of a limited number of options.

After that, things aren't so awkward. They go back to spending time together, and sometimes Bodhi joins them for what Cassian secretly thinks of as snuggling sessions. Everyone's clothes stay on, just like when it's only him and Jyn. "One of the mechanics asked which of you was my between-lover," Jyn grumbled one day. "I told her—"

"I think the entire base has heard what you told her," Cassian informed her.

"I didn't," said Bodhi, and winced and laughed at the same time when Jyn repeated it.

Jyn and Bodhi's trysts gradually petered out. They were all closer together as friends, or more than friends really when it comes to him and Jyn.

Things ran along those routes for weeks, until one day Bodhi didn't return from the cargo convoy he was part of when they expected him. Hours later, Shara Bey had knocked on the door of Cassian's quarters. "I'm sorry," she said simply, and handed them a data stick. She hesitated, then said "Risken—Rook was good. He almost got out of range. I'm sorry we couldn't save him."

The data stick contained a dump from the recorders of Bey's A-wing. Bodhi had yelled for the rest of the convoy to hyper out, that they only wanted him. The other cargo pilots had mostly done so; the escort had stayed until Bodhi repeated his demand and added "Tell them I'm sorry." One of the escort had been destroyed; the others had attempted to defend Bodhi until the overwhelming attacking force had destroyed his ship.

One of Bodhi's squadron-mates had brought Bodhi's small array of possessions to Jyn, including his old Imperial uniform. She had said thank you and then thrown herself down on her bunk to weep. Cassian didn't find this out until hours later. Alliance Intelligence had decided that counterintelligence would be his new assignment; there had been a great deal of uncertainty what do to with him since the Scarif raid. It had succeeded, but at a great cost, and he had disobeyed orders and the will of the Council. The first order of any substance he'd received since then was to determine how the Empire had located Bodhi.

Finding the answer had given him no pleasure, but he'd done it, and succeeded well enough in that assignment and others like it to be promoted. Jyn had been commissioned and sent on infiltration missions that took advantage of her codebreaking and forgery skills. And all of this had brought them here, frowning at a document that suggested something spurious and dredged up a grief that was usually quiescent, like the scar from an old injury.

***

"I went and bothered one of the med-droids," she said listlessly. She was pale and her shoulders were slumped; he sat next to her on the bed and took her hand gently. "It said that it was possible for the donor to opt not to reveal the recipient until the conclusion of hostilities, or their separation from the service. Or it said that the notification could have slipped through the cracks. It didn't have clearance to access the database, and it couldn't tell me anything more than that."

Cassian looked at her and raised his eyebrows.

She shook her head. "I don't have clearance to access it either. And this isn't my kind of slicing. If I tried ... well. Odds are good that I'd just destroy any evidence. And I'm not going to figure it out in two weeks. Even if I got access."

"Two weeks?!"

"Yes." She frowned, with her whole face; her eyes narrowed and her lips pursed and her nose crinkled. "How long are you in for?"

"Six months. With an option for extension."

"Kriff. You really have been conscripted all over again." Her voice is lively and fierce now. "I guess we won't be going to Fest anytime soon."

"Not together, anyway."

She sighed. "I have to chase this down. I owe him."

"We both do. We all do," Cassian agreed. "Where are you going to start?"

"Where the sample is, if it exists. In an underground vault on Hoth. Right climate, wrong planet. There's a periodic run that drops off a maintenance droid to do checks and retrieve samples, or answer any emergency signals. I'm going to get clearance to go along, and see what there is to see. I'll call in a favor if I have to."

Cassian knows she means Mon Mothma, who regards Jyn as someone who sacrified for the Alliance even though it failed her over and over. "Are you sure that's how you want to use it?"

Jyn shrugged. "What else? Unless you want me to get you released from that contract."

"No. There was enough pressure on me to stay that the request probably came from her. Or from someone that it would be hard for her to negotiate with. Besides, I signed, and I'm going to keep my word."

"I know." A small smile lit her eyes and tugged at the corners of her mouth. She leaned closer and kissed him. "I hope I'll see you before I leave. The next routine run leaves in twelve hours, and I want to be on it. I have to find the Senator, and getting a few minutes of her time could take a while."

"Ah." He took her other hand and tugged her to her feet, and pulled her close. "I'm being sent to Chandrila," he told her. "Look for me there, if I'm not here when you get back."

"I will." She hugged him back. "Love you, Cass."

"Love you too, Jyn."

***

She found him on Chandrila two weeks later.

"The sample is in the most secure storage I could arrange," she said without prompting. "I don't know if it's real; I want to minimize forensic disturbance."

He smiled tiredly at her. "Hello, Jyn, it's good to see you too."

"You know and I know that 'What did you find out?' would have been the first thing you asked." She sat down on the sofa in his small front room, and he joined her. "It is good to see you." She leaned against him, and he put an arm around her shoulder.

"I monitored the droid on Hoth. Everything seems secure back at the vault, and the droid handed the sample I had paperwork for to me as a routine matter, and it agreed to report for additional diagnostics without any objections."

"That's good."

"It's a start. I think we're back to needing a slicer. Well, I am."

"We are." He squeezed her hand. "I'd do it for you, but if there is a problem with the integrity of the database or the vault, we need to find it. For the sake of everyone who used it."

"Yes," Jyn agreed, with a small sigh. "So are we doing this officially or unofficially?"

"Officially but quietly, I think." He handed over his datapad. "Here. Write a report for the Chancellor, but don't send it yet."

Jyn rolled her eyes. "Yes, Major." She typed a few paragraphs and handed the datapad back to him, and watched with interest as he added a few lines of his own.

"Kyl has passed a security screening, and is working with us on a few projects," he told her. "I'll set up a meeting with him tomorrow, and we can add this to his list of tasks."

"It's been two weeks, and you've already turned into a bureaucrat on me," Jyn grumbled.

"It's been two weeks, and you're well on your way to regressing into the loose-cannon space rat you were when you landed on Yavin!" He knew he shouldn't have said that as soon as the words were out of his mouth. But she struck a nerve, because she's not wrong.

She's staring at him, astonished. "Well, I guess I'll be sleeping on this couch tonight. Or possibly in a hotel room on the other side of the planet." She pulled away from him.

"Wait," he asked, finding his voice when she was a step away from the door. "Please."

She turned to look at him.

"I am a bureaucrat," he said with a sigh. "I write memos, I read memos, I go to meetings where people speak to hear themselves talk, and it's eating me alive. I'm not sure how I'm going to last the first six months, much less any extension. I almost hope they find that my performance is unsatisfactory and let me go early.

"The Republic was always too big to govern or help all the planets in the territory it claimed. That's where the Separatist movement came from, you know. And it's going to happen all over again, and there's nothing anyone can do to stop it. And I can't stand watching it happen over again." He rose and paced in a circle a few times; this is how he spends at least a portion of his nominal off-shift time. When he could make himself stop, he turned to face her. "But I shouldn't have said that to you. You're free, and that's not the same thing as undisciplined, and you were never a space rat. And I'm sorry."

A corner of her mouth twitched. "I still am a space rat." Then the almost-smile fell away, and she looked at him somberly. "Cass—you know you can't go on like this. You need a medical leave, or something."

"The longer I spend on leave, the longer it will be until they let me go."

"I'll kidnap you if I have to," Jyn said flatly.

"Don't do that." He barely managed to keep from saying that the last thing she needed was a real criminal record in the Republic's files.

"You're not doing anything to convince me that I shouldn't sleep somewhere else."

"If you stick around you can go with me to meet Conder Kyl," he offered. "He won't talk about security matters without someone he hasn't already met present."

Jyn arched her eyebrows. "Could be interesting to test."

"There's already a schedule for that. I wrote it." He shook his head grimly. "Please, Jyn. Stay. Sleep on my couch. You would be anyway. I haven't bothered to get a bed yet."

She groaned. "Cassian Andor." And she swooped down on him, grabbed his arm, and marched him out the door. "I'm getting a hotel room, and we're both staying in it. For tonight at least."

He leaned against her, and she relinquished the tight grip and put her arm around his waist.

***

In the morning, after Jyn had condescended to let him go out to buy clean underwear and clothes that more or less satisfied the official dress code, they met Conder Kyl at a café.

"Is this official or personal?" Kyl asked, looking between them with some interest.

Cassian suppressed a sigh. He knew he was a bit rumpled, even though Jyn had let him borrow her hairbrush. Somehow the first comfortable sleep he's had since he got here has left him feeling more tired, and frayed around the edges.

"A bit of both, but not necessarily personal in the way you mean," said Jyn.

Cassian jumped into the conversation then, introduced Jyn, and let her explain the problem.

"I need you to look at this database for signs of tampering." She set a plastic crate on the table; its walls are cloudy but Cassian can see racks of data sticks inside. "The master copy is in here, and so are all the offsite backups."

"What priority is this, compared to the other things?" Conder wanted to know.

He and Jyn had hashed this out on the way here. "Top. It's very time-sensitive." Hundreds of personnel are mustering out every day, and some percentage of them will be requesting their stored gametes. He's told the process of distribution has already started.

"It would help if I had some idea what to look for."

"Isn't it better if you go in with no preconceptions?"

Kyl smiled politely. "In theory, yes. In practice, not always. Especially if time is a factor."

Jyn sighed and glanced at Cassian. He made an open-handed gesture, signaling that it was her decision. She took a deep breath and said, "Roughly two weeks ago I was told that a sample had been designated for me. I—the Republic needs to know if any entries concerning that sample are fraudulent or have been altered in any way. That's the only real lead we have. But we need to know about the integrity of the entire database." She handed her datapad to Kyl. "This is the information about my sample, and a report concerning my visit to the vault."

Kyl glanced at her datapad. "Is this because the guy was an ex-Imperial?"

Jyn lifted her chin. "I've known several ex-Imperials. Bodhi Rook was a fine person and a loyal member of the Alliance. If he wanted his children to exist in the galaxy, he deserves for that to happen. I wouldn't necessarily volunteer myself, nor do I believe he would have volunteered me without at least leaving a note, or asking me in advance. That's part of what's caused some personal and official concern. We don't even know if the sample is genuine. It hasn't been examined. Whether it's genuine or falsified in some way, it needs to be disturbed as little as possible."

"I see." Kyl made some notes on his own datapad. "I'll be in touch as soon as possible."

"Thank you," said Jyn. Cassian barely had time to nod agreement before Jyn was hauling him out the door after tossing some credits on the table to cover the tab.

"You'll never get that back, you know," said Cassian.

"That's not what I'm worried about losing." She muscled him into her vehicle, waiting impatiently for him to secure the restraints, and took off.

"Are you kidnapping me?" Cassian asked.

"There's a walk-in clinic for former Alliance personnel. I can take you to it. Can't make you go, but I hope you will."

Silence fell until Jyn pulled up beside a plain unmarked building. "Here we are." She pointed. "I'll walk inside with you if you want, or wait here, or take you back to that sad excuse for a living space if you want. Or I will kidnap you, if that's what you want. The Alliance had me kidnapped, after all. Seems like a fair trade."

"We broke you out of prison," Cassian protested. Jyn tilted her head. "Is this a threat, Jyn? Do this, or I lose you?"

Jyn shook her head. "I'm worried that if you don't get some help you'll lose yourself, Cass. You're tearing yourself to pieces. And it's for politics, not for the cause. It isn't worth it."

More silence. Cassian undid the restraints, because they were uncomfortable, but didn't move.

"Tell me a way to serve the cause without the politics," he said finally, "and I'll do it."

Jyn made a face. "I'm afraid at this stage it's all politics. I'm not surprised you let yourself be talked into it. I'm also not surprised that it's driving you insane, and that you're awful at it. It's okay to have a breaking point. You showed me that." She leaned over and touched his cheek. He leaned into the touch.

"Walk me inside," he said finally. He sent a message to the office, letting them know he was going to the clinic, and climbed out of the car. Jyn walked up the ramp with him, took a chair while he spoke to the intake droid, and waited for his name to be called.

***

It took weeks, but eventually Cassian began to feel more like himself again. He slapped on the medpatch he was prescribed, and complied with his therapist's suggestions as much as he could. Jyn accepted a short-term contract with the Alliance that she doesn't talk about much, but he suspected that it involves visiting Alliance data storage repositories, collecting copies, and bringing them back to Kyl to examine.

Cassian's workload was lessened. He wrote policy papers and compiled old reports, but he doesn't end up in nearly as many meetings. It's much more like what was in the contract he signed.

Finally, he heard through Jyn that Kyl has a report. "I got permission to share it with you," she said, over dinner. "And some other relevant information."

He set his chopsticks down and focused on her. "Tell me."

"The data record corresponding to the sample that was ostensibly Bodhi's was inserted into the database at some point after his death." She sighed wearily. "It's been analyzed. It's from a human male with some genetic markers consistent with Jedhan origin, but it isn't Bodhi's. No other falsified records were found in the database, and data integrity concerning other samples was apparently unaffected."

Cassian nodded, and reached over to squeeze her hand.

She squeezed back, and continued, "The sample has gone back into secure storage, in case we can ever find its origin, but that will be like trying to find one specific seed in a pile of bantha shit. Nothing can be proven, at least not yet, but Conder says the data alteration methodology is consistent with a couple of specific criminal syndicates. And that your separation contract was altered after you signed it. I was told to mention a couple of names to you: Tolwar Wartol, and Sinjir Rath Velus."

Cassian closed his eyes, then opened them again. "Tolwar Wartol is a political rival of the Chancellor. Sinjir is a member of a ... problem-solving team, you might say. Not that kind of problem-solving," he added. "But if Wartol was involved, and Sinjir's team is working on it, you can rest assured the problem will be handled in a way that makes the Chancellor happy. Legally and maybe even justly." He knew he sounded a little bitter. "Eventually."

He watched Jyn unclench her jaw.

"I cannot wait," she said finally, "to permanently leave this planet."

"Me neither, love. Me neither."

***

The day Cassian's contract ended, he handed over his security access tokens, signed what felt like 20 copies of slight variations on the same form, and handed the keys to his apartment over to the management agency. He was assured in advance that his contract wouldn't be extended, and given a minor commendation, a certificate stating he was honorably separated from the ranks of the Alliance, and the agreed-upon discharge compensation. Jyn was doing some last-minute shopping, and will meet him at the spaceport to board a liner that will take them toward Fest.

"Did you find what you were shopping for?" he asked, settling into a seat across the table from her. She's in a little lounge near their gate. All their luggage is aboard, except for a small crossbody-strap carryall she's wearing.

She poked his shoulder. "More or less. I was desperately looking for an excuse to avoid going to the political heart of the Republic ever again." She set a small box on the table. "I did get you something, though."

He opens it. A lightly polished cream-colored stone of some sort is resting on a bed of dried Chandrilan balmgrass. "What is it?" he asked, curious, picking up the silver chain the stone hung on.

She flushed a little; her hand went to the place where her kyber crystal necklace rested under her shirt. "My mother was a geologist, you know. She told me about this kind of stone once. It's shocked quartz. You find it at places where meteors have hit. If you look at it under a microscope it's got this amazing rainbow iridescence. Anyway—I have a necklace, you have a necklace, we can match now, or whatever."

He raised his eyebrows. "Jyn, are you saying your mother would approve of me?"

She laughed a little. "Yeah. Yeah, I guess I am."

He smiled at her. "I'm glad." He slipped the necklace over his head, adjusted it so that the pendant was under his shirt, and leaned across the table to kiss her.

#rebelcaptain #therebelcaptainnetwork #doptimous #rebelcaptainsecretsanta #my fanfic #my posts #i accidentally lied about no hoth i guess #but i hope you find it still satisfies in the sense of 'poor communication kills' as a trope #being absent

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waypathfinder · 6 years ago

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Crimson Lane - Chapter 6 - Fire

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Chapter Text

The air stunk of wood smoke, earth and soot, as a smoky haze settled low to the ground of Yavin Close. Kylo Ren waited with arms folded and a scowl on his face. Dressed head to toe in black, swallowed by the ink of night. A monster in the shadows.

He’d been waiting for an hour now, kicking at a gnarled tree root, twisted and exposed in the dirt like a broken bone. The chill of the night air infiltrated his fingers and toes, forming a damp coldness that burrowed all the way into his bones.

It was quiet here, and too perfect. The tree-lined street was in an upper-middle class area, north of the city. Classic suburbia. The kind of place featured in those tidiest town competitions. A picturesque cul-de-sac with clean-cut lawns of dew-filled buffalo grass, family-sized cars and front yards scattered with children’s toys.

It was the last place in the world Kylo wanted to do this kind of work. He was comfortable hurting junkies and criminals, but a place like this—-it felt off. People like this were so sheltered from the underbelly of life. In a way, he admired them for it. The innocence, the ignorance, it was a blessing living under such a delusion.

He hadn’t minded the cold at first. The cutting bite of the air was refreshing, especially after his run-in with Rey. He had needed more than a cool breeze after that, an arctic swim would have been preferable. Even then… his hands clenched together and released as he thought of her, kneeling before him, mouth open, soft lips touching his—-

Shit. His body tugged with furious hunger, lusty and sex-crazed like a teenager. He repositioned himself, taking a deep and purposeful breath. A quick meditation to drag his thoughts out of the gutter. He let the emptiness of night fill his mind, chasing the silence, holding on to it.

Forget her, he willed himself, forget the way her eyes met his with such fierceness, that fiery spirit, hard and resolute, and yet there was softness there, and empathy—She was so much more than he could have hoped.

Years ago she had been nothing but a terrified child, a victim of the world and her circumstances. But now she was formidable. Life had chiselled her into something tenacious and strong, and— beautiful.

And he had not expected that.

He had not expected to think about her all the fucking time, or to spend an insane amount of money just to keep her safe from the others.

That first night—he shuddered to remember it. How he had let his hungry eyes feast on her like she was his to take. He had treated her like all the other prostitutes. She was supposed to be an outlet. A place he could thrust those feelings of self-loathing away. That’s the way it worked, it was almost mechanical now. After he’d cracked someone’s skull, or broken an arm, or left them humiliated and crying as they begged for mercy, he could come back to the brothel and just forget. Somehow pounding into those girls, feeling the blood hardening in his cock, focused his mind on the physical and quietened the part that hated what he had become.

Sex was a transaction. An affirmation to Snoke that he was the heartless, monster he’d made him into. But after being with Rey—he had wanted more. Needed more. That night he had been drawn into her. She would be the death of him, he was sure of it, but what a sweet death it would be.

His phone vibrated on silent in his pocket, and he retreated back beneath the boughs of one of the many century-old camphor laurel trees that lined the street. Melting into the consuming shadows, he pulled the phone close to his face to hide the light.

“What is it?”

A gravelly voice cracked on the other side of the phone. “Are you in position?”

“Yes. There’s no sign of him yet.”

“There’s been a change of plans. I want you to take him out.”

Kylo’s heart froze in his chest. Snoke had never said anything about killing anybody. “I thought this was a warning.”

“It is— to everyone else .”

“It’s too risky,” he hissed, hating the desperation in his voice. Snoke would sense it, he would know. “People will start asking questions.”

“Dameron has already threatened to go public with an article tomorrow that raises questions about the Resistance bombing last year. He’s been stalking the girls as they go to work, asking questions. These people are leeches, Kylo, they will destroy everything I’ve worked for.”

“Is it not enough that we’re taking out his source tomorrow? He’ll have nothing on you after that.”

Silence. Kylo swallowed. Above his head, there was a flutter of wings, as a plover bird shot out of the sky, screeching as it dashed away.

“My, how comfortable you are questioning my authority these days.”

Kylo’s jaw tensed, and adrenaline coursed through his body at the warning in Snoke’s words. He retreated, voice quiet with defeat.

“I’m tired. I’ve worked every night this week. I thought I had tonight off.”

“Oh, you’re tired ,” Snoke sneered. “Then perhaps you need to arrange your week better if your priorities are getting skewed. Tell you what, I’ll take care of your whore for the rest of the week, and you can focus on your fucking job.”

“I spoke out of turn. It’s nothing,” Kylo said, his voice strained and quiet.

“That’s right. It’s nothing,” Snoke purred, letting an unsettling silence cut between them.

“Have you looked her up yet?”

“No.”

“When will you do it?”

“Tonight. I still have the card you gave me. I haven’t had time today—”

“Make sure that you do, before you fall for any more of her nonsense. Who thought my own apprentice could be so gullible for such lewd and shallow charms? It’s a fucking farce, Kylo. The sooner you finish greasing your dick in her, the better off we will all be.”

Spittle formed at the edges of Kylo’s mouth and his head pounded. His vision clouded, as though his whole world was ready to burn around him. If Snoke had been here, he might have ripped the skin off his body. This fresh rage was just beginning to surge and peak within him when there was a sound of tyres crushing fallen leaves. Not the kind of car he was expecting for Poe Dameron, the Raddus was notoriously slow and more like a mini-van than a car. He would have thought a Tie or X-wing would have been more of Poe's style.

“He’s here.” He backed away, hanging up the phone instantly as he pulled a hood up over his head.

A silver Raddus pulled into the driveway, and Kylo stopped breathing. He was well and truly concealed, but even so, Poe could recognise him. They had been childhood friends for a time, racing their billy carts down the steepest streets in Chandrila. They both had a love of speed and danger, with their play dates ending in bloody knees and bruised elbows.

There was the sound of car doors opening and closing, followed by muffled voices. He peered out between the darkness of the branches; Poe was chatting to a woman, his wife, he supposed. They held hands as they spoke, soft voices and gentle smiles. Kylo grimaced. The woman had two blond buns on either side of her head, making her look more like a giant bear from this far away. Eventually, she walked into the house, leaving him alone outside.

Poe looked out into the street, breathing in the fresh night air as he made his way towards the back door of the van.

The door opened quietly, followed by gentle shushing sounds. When Poe turned around, he was carrying a little girl, with dark curly blond hair, slumped in his arms in deep sleep. He gently pushed the hair out of her eyes and placed a kiss on her forehead, before carrying her inside

Kylo felt like someone had smashed a cleaver against his chest. It was one thing to take Poe out. As a journalist, he knew what he was risking by chasing this story. But it was another thing to take a father away from his family. The feeling was too raw. Fathers should be with their children. That was something he had learned the hard way. And then there was a chance he might be responsible for killing a child. He’d gotten used to having a certain amount of blood on his hands; there was a line, but he crossed that years ago.

“Well, well, well, it seems we got here just in time.”

Kylo jumped at the snide voice that came up behind him. Armitage Hux. He gritted his teeth, mouthing a silent curse. Things were about to get a lot more complicated.

“Hux,” he growled without turning to face him. “I was wondering when you’d show up.”

“You were supposed to wait for me, or did you just happen to forget that critical piece of information?”

Kylo turned around slowly; not one, but four knights behind Hux. He tried to hide his surprise at the extra company, folding his arms indifferently and rolling his eyes.

“Good, Snoke has given you some babysitters,” Kylo said with a yawn as he looked away from them, hoping it would ease the tightening sensation in his chest. The added company was a sign of distrust, Snoke wanted to make sure he knew if he didn’t finish the job, there were plenty of others who would.

“Hang tight, Kylo,” Hux sneered with a plastic smile, eyes narrowing. He dug into his pocket, pulling out a phone that he then held outstretched in front of him.

“Is that really necessary?”

“You know he likes to watch you work. Now smile for the camera, Kylo.”

“Yeah, I know he likes to fucking watch,” he muttered.

“Here.” Hux gently handed him a package. “Attach this beneath the driver’s seat, it’s equipped with a GPS signal so we’ll know when Dameron is on the move. The trigger is connected to this burner phone’s sim card.”

Kylo took the cellphone, casually slipping it into his pocket.

“You’ll have to sync the bomb and the phone when it’s fixed so you can get a notification when the car moves. Once we know he’s driving you can set the trigger remotely, and problem solved.” Hux wiped his hands together. “Do you think you can manage that?”

“Yeah, I can manage.” Kylo gently took the brown paper bag from Hux. Inside was a black mass of twisted wires and the whole thing stunk of tar. C-4. Hux wasn’t kidding around. Then he looked at the phone, swiping the screen until he found an app called “Push me Kylo.”

“Cute,” Kylo said darkly. The fucking rodent, he’d love to wipe that smug smile off his face right now but the video phone was firmly on his every move now, and the knights watched him closely, hands and feet twitching as though they were waiting for him to lash out.

He turned to go, and Hux’s voice trailed after him mirthfully.

“Hey, thought I might book your girl on Saturday. I hear she’s as tight as a—”

Kylo spun around and grabbed Hux by the neck, dragging the tall but lean man close to him. Hux squealed, as the other knights lunged to separate them.

“I will fucking shove this package down your weasel throat if you don’t shut up.”

Hux smiled again, ensuring the camera was still firmly capturing the entire thing. It was too late to care, he had the whole thing on live stream. He’d have to deal with the consequences of that little move later.

“Tsk, tsk, Kylo. You know our generous leader hates it when we fight.” Hux cooed at him. “Off you go, our Supreme Leader is waiting.”

Kylo walked away from him, his skin still prickling with rage and breathing hard. He had to learn to ignore, to tether his rage. It was always his weakness, all they needed to do was make him angry and he was as good as a ticking time bomb. Snoke knew this, and he exploited it.

As he approached the silver Raddus, Kylo’s movements became more furtive and smooth, employing all he had learned in years of ninjutsu training under Master Luke. He moved like an alley cat, skulking and silent until he was pressed up against the door of the Raddus. Hux and the knights were all watching him, but at least they had to hang back in the shadows and there was no moon just now.

With unsteady fingers, he fixed the bomb beneath the driver’s seat. It was easy to do; Hux had fixed it with a magnetic rod that pulled it into place with a clang. The noise echoed out into the still of night and Kylo ducked down, each breath coming fast and hard in his chest.

Then he got out the burner phone and his own. Slyly glancing back to Hux, he quickly swapped the sim cards and synced the trigger to his own phone. By the time sweat began to drip down his forehead, he turned back to Hux. Walking back slowly, holding out the burner phone clearly so Hux could see, his other hand in his pocket.

He tried to keep his steps slow and casual. In his pocket, his sweaty palm clutched at his own phone. It was a crude plan, but he’d had to go with it on the fly. Snoke usually withheld instructions to the last minute to avoid planning on Kylo or anyone else's part, but what he failed to anticipate was that Kylo worked best when improvising on the spot. It fed him with adrenaline and pushed away any hesitation he might have experienced, had he planned everything out a week in advance.

Hux moved towards him, hand outstretched to take the phone. Kylo had to act fast, but he was much closer than he would have liked. He braced his body for pain and heat, as his thumb slipped over the trigger in his pocket and instantly the world behind him exploded into fire. The force of the explosion torpedoed him face first to the ground, scraping his skin across the ground. He still felt the heat, a resident flash burn that stung his entire body and his nostrils were filled with the scent of burning rubber and petrol.

Hux, who had also been catapulted to the ground, charged at him, the knights close behind but Kylo ignored the pain in his body and jumped to his feet.

“What the fuck?” he screamed at Hux.

The red-headed man stalled his charge, his narrow eyes becoming wide with sudden panic. “You must have set it off!”

“You saw me, I had it facing you as I came back. And why the hell would I fucking set it off?” he shouted and added a sharp shove at Hux. “Your faulty device could have killed me.”

“I-I don’t understand,” Hux stammered, peering around at the other knights, who were all eyeing him suspiciously. “I tested it only this afternoon.”

“I hope you got that on camera, you red-headed Gronk.”

Hux narrowed his eyes at him, a visible vein beginning to pop out at his temple. “You—-”

Suddenly they heard shouting from down the street. Kylo turned back to see Poe running out to the flaming car, his hands wringing through his hair. “We need to leave, now.”

——

He cracked the door ajar, spearing shards of light into the hollow darkness. The room was empty and the bed untouched.

She was gone. A twinge of panic rushed through Kylo in a rude jolt. He wouldn’t blame her for doing so—she should have gone.

But still, the reality of this truth was no less painful. He had hoped… He didn’t know what he hoped, but he had hoped none the less. It was pathetic really, yearning for something so simple. Someone to share thoughts and ideas, to spar with, to touch him. How long had it been since he’d had a friend, since he had anybody?

He urged one foot in front of the other, wringing his hands as he went. They were still numb and cold after waiting so long in the bitter night. At least the fire was still aglow, with a crusted black log, charred and singed with flames, but inside the heart still burned. He moved to sit by it, rekindling the warmth within the tips of his fingers—

And there she was, ethereal and sleeping soundly on the floor, her hand still clutching a book of short stories. A sheer white robe fanned across her body like a sheet, sinking between the hollow of her thighs and the sculpted lines of her body. A warmth swept through him that had nothing to do with the fire. He squatted down beside her, hands across his knees, studying her features.

He dared not make a sound lest she stirred. Here he could watch her without her snide remarks and scowling eyes. He could watch in silence, focus on the way a curling strand of hair now fell across her high cheekbones, her sun kisses, speckled endearingly across her nose and cheeks, the way her lips were soft and parted and the neck was long and exposed beneath her ear. He wondered what it would be like to kiss her there, and the sounds she might make as he pressed her lips in slow, lascivious, wanting kisses.

The heat within his body bloomed. God damn, this woman was going to make him go mad. He pushed the thoughts down when she stirred, her hand sliding across the rug as she changed position, and Kylo cocked his head to the side, watching the way her long limbs moved.

Her face scrunched in what appeared to be pain and her movements became fast and jolting. Her eyes moved like waves beneath their lids, searching and desperate.

“Rey,” he whispered, touching his hand to her shoulder.

She swatted it away and he smirked. She was fiery even in sleep.

Well, in that case…

He slid his arms beneath her back, pulling her close to him. The warmth of her body pressed into his chest and her eyes sleepily fluttered open. Her body went rigid in his arms. A part of him shattered a little at the way she reacted,

“Shhh. It’s okay,” he said to her in hushed tones.

She closed her eyes again, her arms slipping around his neck as her body relaxed into his hold.

“I was having a bad dream,” she said lazily. “He was dragging me into the kitchen. He was going to hurt me.”

The meekness of her words struck at him, and he felt an overwhelming need to cocoon her against his body, protecting her from the world outside that was too violent and hateful for something so beautiful.

“Who was going to hurt you?” he asked, walking her to the bed, even though her eyes were closed and he wasn’t quite sure she was even awake.

“The man in black. He’s the one I dream about. The centre of my nightmares. He never stops hunting me.”

Kylo felt something break inside him, a bleak darkness spearing through his heart. He looked down at her placid face, peaceful now that she was in his arms. He reached the bed and placed her in it gently, pulling the blankets up over her body.

“He won’t hurt you again.” His words were as gentle as his hands as he caressed a thumb over the line of freckles across her cheeks. But inside him, the promise was hard, and heavy in his chest.

He stepped back, watching her fall deeper into sleep, her lips parting as sweet breaths slowed into slumber.

She walks in beauty, like the night of cloudless climes and starry skies

And all that’s best of dark and bright

Meet in her aspect and her eyes;

He shook his head. Now he was spouting high-school poetry? Perhaps Snoke was right about him. He was becoming less of a man. Pathetic.

He grabbed his laptop from his bag and set it up at the small writing desk along the edge of the wall. He opened it and the screen lit up, casting an iridescent blue light through the room. He darted his head to look at Rey; the light had not woken her. Relieved, he turned back and opened up his Google search engine.

The business card Snoke had given him earlier in the day had been burning a hole in his pocket. He thought of it constantly and the secrets it would reveal. It was the reason he had avoided following it up until now.

Snoke was right about one thing, he needed to know the truth about her. What had happened before … he was on a slide, he could feel himself falling hard. Of all the weeks she would come bounding into his life, it had to be this one, the week his whole world was to burn and he had to make a decision.

He pulled out the card, white on black: First Time Forever, with a website below the text.

He took a ragged breath and typed in the words.

The screen flashed to life with an elegant cursive script. Below the logo were pictures of young girls in awkward poses, sticking their arses out, pouting their lips, in lacy bras and suspenders. His throat constricted as he began to scroll down the page looking for her. He gave up scrolling and typed in the search bar instead: Kira.

Her page sprang up and Kylo leaned back in his chair, feeling like someone had poured cement down his mouth. Her picture was different from the rest, she was smiling widely with two sharply defined dimples. Her hair tied in three buns, the same style she had worn when he had found her all those years ago. She wasn’t posing like the other girls, in fact, there was nothing sexy about the photo. Her bio said she was 18, but the photo looked much younger than that.

He read her bio, scrolling past the various bust, waist and arse measurements until he read this section:

In Kira’s words: I like huge cok. I want a man to break me in and leave me screaming for more. Come and be my first time and I promise to come all down yur legs.

He cringed, at both the sentiment and even more at the terrible grammar and typos. It was almost comical in a way, the contrast between the innocent picture above and the dirty words beneath it. And then he saw something that made his heart grind to a halt.

SOLD for $350,000.

It wasn’t her first time doing sex work, and she certainly wasn’t broke.

This is what Snoke had wanted him to see.

Things were not what they seemed. And he had a terrible feeling he knew what this all meant, but he had to know for sure.

With trembling fingers, he pulled his phone out and searched for a contact he had sworn never to call. With a shaking breath, he dialled the number and waited.

It rang for too long.

“Come on, pick up the phone—”

There was a click on the other line and that familiar husky voice, a curious accent blend of Mexican and Kenyan.

“I told you not to call.”

His heart sunk a little at the coldness in her words. How far removed they were from the way she’d doted on him as a child.

Kylo cleared his throat.

“It’s about Kira.”

There was a sharp intake of breath, followed by a long silence.

“You promised you would keep away from her.”

“I know, and I did,” he said, stung by the accusation in her tone. “But things have changed.”

“Mwanaharamu!” she began throwing curses at him. “Kumamako—”

“I didn’t go searching for her, Maz!” he spat back at her a little too loudly.

He quickly turned Rey; she was still sleeping but he was careful to lower his voice.

“She took a job with Snoke.”

“God, no,” Maz replied, her voice hoarse with horror. “Is she safe?”

“For now.”

“You need to get her away from that monster. Damn it, Ben Solo! If you do one good thing in your life you get her away from him. You may choose to follow Snoke on his path to hell but I’ll be damned—”

He tuned out; her voice was becoming harder to understand as her native tongue began to fuse with her English. He’d always thought it quite endearing as a child, but now he just needed her to give him answers.

“Maz, if you want me to help her, I need you to shut up and listen!”

She became quiet, and the only sound from the other end of the line was ragged panting.

He looked back at Rey, still sleeping soundly, a soft snore slipping from her lips every now and then, which made her nose crinkle and Kylo’s chest filled with warmth at the cute little gesture.

“I need you to tell me everything, Maz.”

#crimson lane #reylo #reylo fan fic #reylo fan fic rec #reylo fanfiction rec #reylo au #modern reylo au

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