#I have seen many a no-homo in my time and I will probably see more and yet I trust that it will not happen for kalluzeb

[martianbugsbunny]

I am going to continue believing that Kalluzeb will appear in the Ahsoka show together because I may look like a stupid clown bitch but it will take a better man than Dave Filoni to pry my sense of optimism and hope out of my cold dead hands

[welcometothejianghu]

Welcome to another round of W2 Tells You What You Should See, where W2 (me) tries to sell you (you) on something you should be watching. Today's choice: 山河令/Word of Honor.

Word of Honor is a 2021 adaptation of a novel by priest that tells the story of two beautiful murderers, their three kids, and their collective attempts to ignore the fetchquest madness that has taken over the rest of the jianghu.

Look, you know what Word of Honor is. Doing a rec for this is like doing my rec for Nirvana in Fire -- I am not introducing you to a new concept. Even if you haven't watched it, you've probably osmosed enough through the rest of Tumblr to have an opinion on it. At this point, if you haven't seen Word of Honor, I'm assuming it's for one of two reasons: either you haven't gotten around to it yet, or you haven't been sufficiently moved by what you've seen fandom do with it.

So I'm going to give you five reasons to watch the show, and they're probably not going to be the reasons you've seen already. Not to say that the other reasons are bad, but you've heard them already, right? What I've got for you are five somewhat more unexpected reasons that may just convince the fence-sitters that this nut-flavored morass of toxic relationships is worth your time.

1. No matter how gay you think it is, it's gayer

Okay, sure, you've probably been given the impression that this show is real gay. But I don't know if you know how gay it is. This show is so gay that we still haven't seen many of the other BL-flavored shows filmed around the same time period or since, because Chinese censorship gay-panicked and locked them all away before they could air, because Word of Honor was just too gay.

Zhou Zishu and Wen Kexing (L-R above) are in love. The story does not make sense if they're not. There is no story if they're not. Everything else in the show is set dressing to this incredible adventure story of two horrible people who fall for one another.

Oh yeah, did I mention that they're both bad guys? One's a fascist toddler-murderer and the other's a cannibal mob boss. These two deserve one another, in every possible sense of that phrase. In any other property, they'd be the villains -- and even here, they're still kind of the villains! It's just that the heroes are worse.

What's more, their two actors absolutely understood the assignment. They got the memo. They read the book. No one ever had to sit them down midway through shooting and explain their dynamic. They had it from the table read. When given creative freedom, they chose to double down and make the gay shit even gayer.

But the actors weren't the only ones who knew what they were doing! Everybody working on the production was pretty much in full-on Let's Make A BL mode. There are no gay accidents here. It's so gay that it's actually gayer than the version that aired. If you can do a little lip-reading (though beware of spoilers in those links), you can get at the original filmed version, which had a number of lines that were too homo and/or sexual for Chinese television.

No, they don't kiss. They don't have to. This is the TV version of the tweet about, what's gayer, gay sex or whatever these two have going on? The answer is, whatever these two have going on.

It's so gay that they're not the only gays. No, I'm not going to tell you who the other gays are, in part because spoilers. But trust me, they're there. Lesbians too! And a bisexual elderly polycule! And one pair of hets that we love love love, and most other heterosexuals are creepy and gross. And if that's not an accurate representation of how the world looks to queer people, I don't know what to tell you.

2. Go nuts!

You are not prepared for the product placement.

Word of Honor started off having a budget, so they went ahead and started spending that budget in the way you do when you're making a TV show. Unfortunately, circumstances changed, and their budget became much less, which meant they couldn't keep making that TV show unless they got more dollars. But where to get a sponsor for a fairly low-profile wuxia BL property?

Enter our hero: Wolong Nuts.

I have seen actors do bumper ads in costume for products from their various sponsors, and I have seen actors do bumper ads in character for the same. But the feeling of seeing a modern product diegetically hawked mid-scene by ancient fantasy characters is like none other.

Something like 40% of Word of Honor's total budget came from this nut sponsorship. And here the thing: It worked! It sold nuts! Hell, I’d buy them if they were sold anywhere near me; I like nuts in general, and nuts that support the queers in particular.

I'm including this as a selling point because, come on, it's funny as hell. But it's also a good place to warn you that Word of Honor has what we're politely going to call a spotty use of its funds. Some things, like everyone's outfits and the score, are lavish and beautiful. Other things, like some of the sets and a lot of the CG, are janky and sad. Crowd scenes are thirty humans and a bunch of Blender assets. I've never seen so many fake plastic trees together in one place before. There's a lot of visible hairnets. Like, a lot.

The show was originally planned as being 45 episodes long. It wound up being 36 + a tiny epilogue. That's a huge cut! I’ll say to its credit that you mostly can’t feel the seams; the production team did a heroic job killing their darlings (in many senses) while keeping the narrative coherent. If you know about the original vision, though, you can identify pretty quickly where the excised material should have been. Don’t be surprised when the last two episodes in particular smack you like a hit-and-run.

They blew a truly unwise amount of the budget on costumes in general, and Wen Kexing's costumes in particular, and thank goodness. (@canary3d-obsessed has done a noble job of cataloging everyone's wardrobes, and some of the details are just stunning.) See that red outfit he's wearing there, with the elaborate, delicate embroidery? That apparently took two people literal months to hand-sew. It's a terrible use of limited funds, and I am living for it. Even when Wen Kexing looks awful, he looks stunning -- especially when you put him side by side with Zhou Zishu, who is wearing the jianghu equivalent of slutty yoga pants and a thrift-store dollar-bin t-shirt that says IT'S WINE O'CLOCK SOMEWHERE.

So if, while you’re watching, you’re ever disappointed by the quality of the production in front of you, just console yourself by thinking: That’s nut money, baby.

3. The ghosts (and everyone else) doing the mosts

This is a show that somehow managed to accumulate a tremendous supporting cast of actual grown-ass adults, then had the wisdom to make them play a wide variety of balls-to-the-wall bonkers roles.

You can't throw a rock in a crowd scene without hitting a dozen actors with resumes as long as their arms, who have been acting since before you were born. Apparently they poached a couple veteran film and stage actors from other contemporaneous productions and had them come over to film bit parts on their days off. If you see a character played by an older actor who's getting more lines and face time than you think their character strictly deserves relative to their importance to the plot, and you're like, hm, I wonder if this older actor has a career that includes roles in several dozen other shows and/or stage productions, the answer is yes.

I've seen the tone of the show described as melodramatic, but I don't think that's quite it -- it's more operatic. People speak to the middle distance and play to the back row. Several actors have the body language and line delivery that makes it seem like they're always about three words away from breaking into song. Several of my favorites are downright camp. It's magnificent.

Statistically, everyone in this show is a bad guy. There are the respectable people who don't mean to be bad guys, but wind up being bad guys anyway because they support bullshit systems. There are the morally grey folk who are willing to become bad guys because they think they'll be the good guys when all is said and done. And there are the bad guys who know they're bad guys and are going to chew every piece of scenery in the vicinity about it, so watch out.

My favorite collection of scene-stealing weirdos is probably the clutch of freaks that make up the ghosts of Ghost Valley. They're not actual ghosts -- this is not a supernatural show. They are instead living people who call themselves ghosts because they've found themselves on the margins of society for one reason or another, and have created their own little society! With hookers! And blackjack! And also a little murder, as a treat!

These ghosts are so extra that they actually have a Top Ten List, where all the ones that have code names and specific costumes hang out. How do you get on the Top Ten List? By killing one or more of the people already on it, of course! I told you these guys are villains! They're not even the only villains! They're not even the only villain organization! It's wall-to-wall bad guys around here! And oh my goodness, the actors are clearly having a ball with it.

When the screenwriter came to adapt Faraway Wanderers (the novel) into Word of Honor, she realized that there weren't a whole lot of ladies in the book -- so she invented/adapted some for the show and made most of them sinister! (In fact, if you watch Legend of Fei -- and you should watch Legend of Fei -- you can see a lot of the inspiration for said ladies.) Some of the female characters in the show were men in the book, while others weren't even in the book at all. They all feel organic, though, and not like someone was trying to get Strong Female Character Points. It's the good representation you get when there's a lot of representation, so nobody has to be The Girl, and all the girls can just be people.

...Alas that another casualty of the budget cuts is that several of the lady characters did not get to live up to their full ass-kicking potential. But that potential is still there! The badassery may be implicit instead of explicit, but you don't doubt that many of these women would eat your heart at the slightest provocation, and you would thank them while they were doing it.

This show is perfect food if you're the kind of viewer liable to get sucked up into the worlds of villains, NPCs, bit parts, optional side characters, and other narratives going on outside the main storyline. Because there's a lot going on outside the main storyline. I mean, that's kind of the running joke of the whole novel, that there's this whole complicated political plot happening, and yet our dudes are over here studiously trying to not know what the hell is going on. Obviously that's harder to preserve in a show, but it's still a key feature of the narrative. Most of the Big Power Play What-Not is always happening a few towns over from where the main party is at any given moment. I know people who've watched the drama several times and still can't explain whatever's happening with all that. That's fine. You roll with it for the sake of everything else.

So! Do you like gazing upon delightful character actors and having imagination adventures about the unexplored workings of a bunch of tantalizingly mysterious and often very sexy weirdos? Great! This will keep you busy for a good long while.

4. The juciest pining in the jianghu

I said I wasn't going to tell you about all the gay shit going on here, and I'm not. What I do want to cover, however, is how much gay shit isn't going on here -- and by that I mean just how much of the show's gay longing is unrequited. If you like it when the boy yearns for the other boy, friend, you will feast well tonight.

You have likely already, through fandom, been alerted to the existence of the biggest gremlin in the land and an understandable number of people's favorite character, immortal grandpa Ye Baiyi. What may not have been conveyed, however, is just how tragically gay this bitch is. The ultra-condensed, scrubbed-for-spoilers version of his backstory is that he was in love with a guy who got injured because of him, so he decided to stay and live on a mountain with that guy and the guy's wife and coparent their son with them, all the while never once telling the guy how he felt.

This is not me with slash goggles on. This is canon. Well, okay, the "in love with" part is only confirmed in the book, but Huang Youming, Ye Baiyi's equally gremlin-like actor, has also clearly done the reading and understands how to break your heart with it. Ugh, it's so good.

Shidifuckers, rejoice! Zhou Zishu has Han Ying, his devoted little dumpling who would -- and does -- do anything for him. Back in Zhou Zishu's regrettable (but very fashionable) fascist days, he had a bunch of little underlings; one of them was Han Ying, who still works for the same evil empire. Problem is, Han Ying isn't evil. He was never loyal to his job; he was always just loyal to Zhou Zishu. It's cute the way Wen Kexing hisses like a cat upon meeting Han Ying and immediately identifying him as a rival for Zhou Zishu's affections. If you like OTPs that occasionally roll in a service-top third, please consider that adorable muffin boy up there.

And speaking of quitting your job, have you ever had the problem where you had to orchestrate your own death to get away from your toxic boss who won't stop sexually harassing you, and that motherfucker still expects you to show up for your shift next weekend? Meet Prince Jin, who has refused to accept Zhou Zishu's resignation letter with extreme prejudice.

Zhou Zishu isn't even the only ex he's mad he drove off! But that's just a namedrop in the show; see my bonus selling point for instructions on how to get into that whole gay-ass story. [insert obligatory "Prince Jin is not Helian Yi" disclaimer here]

...Nope, uh-uh, we're not going to get into what's going on with Scorpy. Suffice it to say, this is one of those cases where the show can't outright call a thing gay (though uhhhh it sure can imply a lot of it!), but it can set up an unspoken Gay Bad Idea as a direct, textual parallel with a canon Straight Bad Idea and be like, see? see? Anyway, daddy's boy there has deliciously terrible taste. This is the one that'll have you screaming crying throwing up etc.

And then there's this handsome jackass, who isn't doing the pining, but is the unfortunately heterosexual object of the often confused and misdirected longings of his friends. About the first thing you know about Rong Xuan is that he died before the series begins, so you only see him in a few flashbacks. The precious few times you do, though, you're treated to scenes of him holding court among his besties (many of whom are the spectacularly cast younger versions of major older male characters) while they all wrestle with varying degrees of homo longing for his cocky dreamboat self. You ever wanted to fuck a straight guy so bad you got both him and his wife killed about it? Because somebody in this drama sure has!

I sense you think I'm making this all up, that I'm just a fujoshi looking at the world through rainbow-colored glasses and telling you about her favorite slash pairings. Friend, I am not. Okay, I am being a little cheeky about the last one, but I swear that everything else I have listed in this selling point is about as textual as the show could make it, if not outright straight (ha ha) from the books.

(I have a whole separate theory about how priest herself is a real-life queer, based on how basically everyone in her works is either queer-coded or a token straight who's on thin ice, but that's a subject for a completely different Tumblr post no one's ever going to read, so save us both the time and imagine I already wrote it.)

I cannot stress to you enough how much this show knew what it was doing with the queer stuff. I love how amazingly toxic so much of it is, too, because one of the big themes of the show is that secrets will destroy you and everyone you love. If you have gay longing in a society that forces you to hide that gay longing, yeah, you're going to be extra-vulnerable to making some shitty decisions because of it! You're either going to suffocate yourself by keeping silent, or you're going to open yourself to intimate partner abuse you can't reveal to anyone else, or you're going to do some murders about it! Or some combination of the three! Either way, it's not good!

Also, tell your partner about your chronic health conditions, whether they be Can't Remember My Past, Would Eat A Guy If I Had The Opportunity, Stuck Some Nails In My Chest And Am Now Dying And Also Can't Get A Boner, or Whoops Took The Nails Out Of My Chest And Still Can't Get A Boner. Oh, and tell your partner if you're about to run off and go confront your dangerous ex. And absolutely tell your partner if you're about to fake your own death. Just ... learn to have conversations with the people who love you, okay? Avoid huge amounts of narrative suffering with this one weird trick!

5. Putting his whole Zhang Zhehussy into it

See, Gong Jun (playing Wen Kexing) is not what I'd call a great actor. This is more of a case where you take a guy, you cast him as a character whose motivation can be summed up as "I want to fuck that man in half," and then you cast opposite him a man that the guy in question clearly actually wants to fuck in half. And you let the magic work.

Zhang Zhehan (playing Zhou Zishu), however, legitimately knocks it entirely out of the park. Whenever the camera's on him, it's hard to take your eyes off him. He holds his own in a sea of veteran actors. He can do comedy and tragedy with equal panache. It's lucky he's such a beautiful crier, because Zhou Zishu cries so much. I have never seen someone more perfectly portray the mood of "in love and absolutely furious about it."

As the story goes, when he auditioned, he actually wanted to play Wen Kexing -- but the director told him, look, while you'd be great at that, I can find another Wen Kexing, but I'm never going to find another Zhou Zishu.

Zhou Zishu is bad man who has done terrible things and resigned himself to suffering to atone for his crimes, and he is so mad to find himself at the end of his life suddenly having a reason to keep living. Zhang Zhehan does a pitch-perfect tsundere right up to the point where he breaks. I'm not going to call it an understated performance, because nothing in this show is understated, but it is often times subtle and always complex, and fuck does he have a good crazy grin.

One of the first things you find out about Zhou Zishu is that he's got just a couple years left to live, over which time all his senses are going to deteriorate. In fact, they've already started going. And as the show goes on, you can watch Zhang Zhehan play it so you can tell when he's missed something he should otherwise have picked up on, reacting to noises and touches a split-second late. It's a testament to what a thoughtful job Zhang Zhehan's doing, keeping track of how much of Zhou Zishu has already slipped away.

There are, if you've read the book, legitimate complaints to be made about the adaptation's interpretation of Zhou Zishu's character, and I get that. But you can't say that Zhang Zhehan isn't pulling off exactly what he means to here. I say this too as someone who loves the novel: I think it works. Given the constraints of Chinese television in particular and cinematic adaptations in general, the show made the right choices when it came to figuring out what were the more filmable, actable options, and Zhang Zhehan plays every one of those choices within an inch of his life.

Also did I mention he's like the most beautiful man to ever exist? Holy crap. You're going to be so mad about what they do to his face for the first several episodes.

Don't worry, it washes off eventually.

caveat: Kind of a bummer!

You may have been warned that this one's got a sad ending. Well ... yes and no. On the "no" side of things, there's a "secret" mini-episode 37 that rolls back one of the major points of tragedy. (It's also clearly the first version that got shot, and then they shuffled around and redubbed some material to make the aired end of episode 36.)

But oh man, not all of them. Plenty of characters we love do not make it to the end. Like ... kind of a shockingly large number. Some are dispatched offscreen, some have tragic onscreen deaths, some are probably dead given the circumstances we last see them in, and a couple aren't dead yet but are almost certainly going to be soon.

(It's also kind of a meta-bummer! I mean, I don't recommend falling down the rabbit hole of what happened with Zhang Zhehan's career after the show aired, but tl;dr, it's not great.)

So yeah, it's not an outright pain simulator, and if you've got the mettle for Nirvana in Fire or Guardian, you should be okay here. But hoo boy, don't just blunder on in expecting a cheerful romp from start to finish, because ... yeah. I said it before: This is a story about a bunch of bad guys. Bad guys don't live long lives, nor do the good people who get tangled up in their shit. Just be prepared!

bonus selling point: black and white husbands

Okay, I will tell you who one of the other pairs of gays is. You'll see the two of them show up near the tail end of the show, and then you'll decide you want to know more about what their whole deal is, and then you'll read Qi Ye, which is a novel entirely about gay pining, and then it'll be all over for you.

Ready to wander this way?

There's a number of ways to watch this one! Viki, Netflix, YouTube, and Amazon Prime all have you covered -- but Viki's the only one that has the epilogue at the ready, so I'd go there if you can.

And I get it, if you're enough of an aging hipster that you don't want to play in the same sandbox everybody else is playing in. Believe me, I understand that impulse on a visceral level. After all, this is not a small fandom -- 7718 works on AO3 (at time of writing) isn't Untamed levels of content, but it's nothing to sneeze at. Maybe you want to leave this one for a little while longer, until the hubbub dies down a bit more and people's attention is redirected by a different gay and shiny thing. That's valid. I get it.

But if you do, I still encourage you to get around to it someday. For all its flaws -- and yeah, it's got flaws -- it's a good, solid story that makes you feel lots of feelings about some fascinating characters in some beautiful costumes, running around being real queer (and okay, occasionally straight) to beautiful music. This, to me, is television.

Fun fact! There is also a Japanese dub, if you feel like taking it at that speed, and the guy who voices Zhou Zishu is the voice of Kaworu from Evangelion, and the guy who voices Wen Kexing is the voice of Victor Nikiforov from Yuri on Ice. See what I mean???

I'm telling you, everybody ships it.

[happypotato48]

GMMTV 2024 PART 2 Unhinged Tangent Thoughts (Only The Queers Though)

Ossan’s Love Thailand รักนี้ให้ "นาย": oh here we go again for the third times. i'm still skeptical about it and Chakrit Yamnam definitely is not an ossan yet but... damnnnnn my inner slut for older men sense is tingling, i know gmmtv just gonna keep doing this boring BL idol pairs nonsense, but like can we get more older gays/age gap BLs? i haven't seen Chakrit in ages and that man still so damn fine! he and our honorary uncle earth could've been something that thai BL is currently lacking, a sloppy hotmess Daddies. but alas that will remain a dream for now.

The ​Heart Killers เขาจ้างให้ผมจีบนักฆ่า: i haven't watch the Eclipse yet and really didn't liked both Star In My Mind and Hidden Agenda and definitely never gonna watch Only Friend (seen all the sex scenes though.) i loved the chaotic energy the trailer giving and i'm always a sucker for black comedy (don't know if this show gonna be that but fingercrossed) when it done correctly. also this show better serve us so many leather bad boy looks. i may have not be completely sold on this show yet, but i'm horny for it.

สายรหัสเทวดา Perfect10 Liners: "Too Many Cooks repeated for several minutes" i'm going to be there for forcebook and juniormark but like wtf in frash glee hell is this, most of these mofos are pushing 30. let them be adults god danm it, i know that the target demographic for gmmtv is young adults and teenagers and that they really love/good at??? school settings. but come on let's our peter pans and wendies fly free. they're probably bored out of their fucking minds by now.

Us รักของเรา | GMMTV 2024 PART 2: i'm gonna be a good little homo and let's all the great wlws do all the talking for this show. i'm not keen on the sibling's lover stealing trope but hey as the great Lucille Bluth one said, good for her.

Thame - Po (เธม-โป้): HEART THAT SKIPS A BEAT: hehehe, Est is so pretty, ok i'm sold i'm easy like that. i was never into any boy bands as a teen, but there like a lot of former thai boy bands members that came out as gay in recent years so maybe i shouda had. anywhoo i probably not gonna mind the singing and dancing in this show since most of them going to be done by singers/dancers and not actors turned idols.

REVAMP THE UNDEAD STORY: i'm really not into serious vempires so this show is kinda meh for me. the goofy ones though those i'd have eat up. this one probably a pass for me.

แฟนที่ทันตแพทย์ส่วนใหญ่แนะนำ Sweet Tooth, Good Dentist: all my blorbos are here we get mark, baby ohm, poon, and หมอjim. ahhhhhhh!! i need it now. i also don't mind dentists like most people especially when they're good looking guys, those handsome doctors can put anything in my mouth😉

เพราะแฟนเก่าเปลี่ยนแปลงบ่อย The Ex-Morning: is this going to be our second coming BL? idk i never there for first one 😝this show either going to be a good meta commentary about the whole business that gone down or its head going be so up it own ass that will take several bottles of lube to get the head out to see the sunlight. we'll see.

[theaceofskulls]

So I'm listening to Fulgrim (the 5th book of the Horus Heresy, not his primarch novel) and there's just... there's just a lot going on here.

This is the only black library novel i've seen that has sex in it and I understand why it scared so many people into thinking that 40k should never even hold hands and no I'm not talking about kinky space marines but rather a scene with the world's most autistic sculptor having the worst "hey want to bone?" speech told to him by a singer character so badly written the audiobook narrator doesn't even take her seriously.

It has scenes more homoerotic than gay sex and so far none of them have involve Fulgrim himself despite the memes. Seriously, they forgot to staple on "My son/my brother" onto half of the scenes like they typically do when they realize they've written romance in Black Library's unique version of "No Homo".

I hinted to it in another post but the first time we ever see the primarch of the Iron Hands he is not just naked but oiled up only to say "you are the soothing ice to my raging fire" in the same scene.

But the thing that's frying my brain is the choice of voices the narrator did. I managed to get past fulgrim being haughty+nasally, the bombast of the HR nightmare of a singer I mentioned above, but let me point to just how sexualized Ferrus Manus is above before dropping the bombshell on you that the narrator is doing an extremely close likeness to Mark Hammil's Joker during those scenes.

This book is meandering and it's the worst of the Horus Heresy so far and probably the worst one I'll finish since I have no interest in Battle for the Abyss, but I have to finish it. It's buckwild in creative decisions and there are small bits that I find fascinating but otherwise it's just everything else that's going on with it that just... this really happened and the audiobook version also was approved like this.

[littlerosetrove]

The point of this post is to explain why I, personally, enjoy Buck/Tommy. I’m not trying to convince or persuade anyone to feel as I do. And in that same vein, whoever reads this, if you read this all the way until the end and you’re still neutral or still dislike Buck/Tommy, honestly that’s fine. However, please do not comment or reblog to try to dissuade me from my enjoyment. If by the end of this post, whoever you are, still feels unsure about Buck/Tommy, truly that’s fine, but I’m not the person to talk to about your unease or hesitancy, okay? 

All right. 

I’ll state it up front that, yes, Buck/Tommy did happen a bit quickly. I agree, but it doesn’t really bother me. Allow me to explain and elaborate. I’ll be jumping around talking about Buck, Buck/Tommy and just Tommy, so bare with me.

For starters, I’m just happy to see Buck so giddy, excited, and happy about a love interest. The last time we’ve seen Buck remotely like this was with Abby. So it’s just a refreshing thing to witness and frankly for Buck to experience. Once Buck got past admitting, “oh yeah, my date was with a guy,” Buck was so excited to talk about Tommy with Maddie, someone very important to him. As well, I don’t think any previous love interests have looked so charmed and smitten with Buck the way Tommy does. On that note. Tommy has seen Buck be goofy, jealous, inquisitive, awkward, nervous, sweet, honest, a little bit of a mess, and still thought, “yeah, I’m attracted to this one.” <3

Now I fully recognize that Buck is not suddenly fixed by having gone on one official date with Tommy. Certainly not. Buck most definitely still has plenty of issues to work through, and on some level, probably always will because - just look at his past. Now I don’t know how long Buck is going to be with Tommy, but I don’t think there’s any inherent harm in Buck, even with his issues, dating Tommy for a little while. I don’t see it as Buck doing some kind of irrevocable damage to himself or Tommy if they just date for a bit. Yes, at some point Buck should be on his own and do some self reflection (which he struggles with), but until then? I’d just like to see Buck continue to be excited to get to know Tommy, and work on figuring out how he feels about his uncovered queerness. 

Tommy is a breath of fresh air in many ways to me. A big thing is that he already had a connection to the 118. He’s a firefighter and also air rescue, thus can understand and click with Buck on a major and important level. Abby was a first responder, yes, but she too like all other past love interests of Buck’s were still pretty much disconnected from Buck’s friends, family, and his job. They were almost always separate. Then we can add on the fact that Tommy is friends with Eddie, which is another big connecting point for Buck and Buck and Tommy in general. Hell, Tommy has already met Christopher who already appears to like Tommy, too. The only previous girlfriend of Bucks that met Christopher was Taylor Kelly of all people, and I doubt Chris and Taylor interacted all that much since Eddie and Buck were there as buffers. Plus that dinner was for Eddie’s sake more than anyone else. To be clear about Bucks previous relationships, Abby was an interesting character that I liked, but I was certainly not impressed with her ghosting Buck and then not really apologizing for that. Ali was perfectly fine, but she was barely there, so there was no time or reason to get attached. Taylor Kelly is the only one I hate and do I really need to explain why? Natalia was fine I guess. She was hardly developed, so I certainly never got attached to her. We never understood why she liked Buck beyond him dying. She was also very much a “no homo” insert, but that’s just me. In addition, the only compelling relationship Buck has had up to this point was with Abby. There was nothing to grasp onto for Ali or Natalia, and please tell me what was compelling or fun to watch about Taylor and Buck being in an unhealthy and miserable relationship. Idk, maybe if I’d watched season 4 live, I might have felt a little more open towards Taylor and Buck and their friendship, but I kinda doubt it. When I did watch it all I could think of was, “why does Buck want to be friends with Taylor Kelly of all people so bad?” But anyway. Tommy is the first love interest of Bucks that I actually like, without any hesitation. He’s just a good guy, and a little bit silly (fake mouth static you’ll always be famous). Though some people ignore it, Tommy did change in season 2. Yes he started out as a jerk, someone just going with the bad flow of the firehouse (and to protect himself), but he did change from that. I think in his last episode of season 2 it shows him being on much better terms with Hen and Chimney. They threw him a “moving to Harbor” party! In present times? Tommy’s clearly more at ease, confident, friendly, charming, sweet, has shown vulnerability, is honest, social, mature, and helped Hen and Chimney at the drop of a hat - at the risk of being suspended or fired - to save Athena and Bobby. I’m sure I can list off more traits and interesting attributes, but you get it. To me Tommy already has a lot of personality and I do look forward to discovering and learning more about him. And that’s an important thing, that I’m interested in Tommy as a character. I’m not trying to be a dick, but I couldn’t say the same for most of Buck’s previous love interests (nor Eddie’s). 

And sure Buck needed some nudging from Eddie to not give up on Tommy, but he did actively reach out to and meet up with Tommy, and was honest about where he is in all this, you know? That’s a key thing, Buck being more active. He passively fell into every other relationship he’s been in. That’s not me dismissing those relationships, because Buck did learn something from each. I’m pointing out an important difference. Buck, before Tommy kissed him at the loft and when they met up at the cafe, has been quite open and honest with Tommy. At least on screen, idk when Buck has been quite this upfront about stuff at the start of things, so to speak, with a love interest. That’s progress for Buck. Perhaps not massive, but it’s not nothing. 

Like. Buck just discovered a whole new and big part of himself. He discovered this missing piece of him that’s eluded him for so long (basically his whole life). He’s going to be messy about it. But just because he’s going to be a bit off balance about it doesn’t mean he shouldn’t date someone (re: Tommy) right now. Tommy is aware that this is all new for Buck (side note: here’s a link to a post that talks about the nuance of Tommy, while gentle with Buck, was a bit annoyed at the end of their date and wanted to leave, which was fair and valid. it’s a good read). At the same time, as I mentioned early on in the post, I also think that yeah, at some point Buck does need to be on his own to do some much needed self reflection. Until then, damn, I just want him to try out this sweet thing he has going with Tommy. 

And yeah, I just think Buck and Tommy are cute together. I do think they have chemistry (which was lacking/absent in some of Bucks previous relationships). I’m intrigued by the potential they have together, even knowing they’re not meant for something long term, and that’s okay. Even for a short time they still can have a good and happy time. And in my ideal world, they’ll remain friends when they part ways.  

If I had to attempt to sum this all up… I find Tommy interesting on his own, and I like what I’ve seen with Buck and Tommy together. I’m thrilled to see Buck so into and smitten with Tommy, since we haven’t seen Buck like this since Abby. Buck and Tommy are cute and refreshing to watch. Plus, I want to see Tommy stick around and not just for Buck, but because of his friendship with Eddie, and to see him continue to? properly? reconnect with Chimney, Hen, and Bobby. 

If you read till the end, thanks! Even now I feel like I probably missed explaining something haha.

[swearyshera]

Advance apology for the long ask in a likely sea of 'em. A lot of people talk about wishing they could experience something they love again for the first time, this series was genuinely as close to that as I've ever felt. Just given the span of time my attention flucuated on and off but once the latter half of s4/s5 began my attention was absolutely nailed to your feed. Its up with Dragon Ball Z Abridged as parody series that become so dramatically effective they become a valid or definitive way to experience the series. Goddamned sensational.

Your portrayals of the characters soar. They provide a hilarious, cruder take on each that still cuts right to the soul of who these people are and lays it bare, which I think is the mission of any good-natured parody. Adora, Catra, Glimmer, Scorpia, Bow, Prime etc. There is not one that does not shine. It tackled a ton of issues and misgivings I had about canon, and even elevated or clarified many scenes and arcs through addressing them a more direct fashion. You took full advantage of not having to dress up and dance around the dark subjects canon was sort of doomed to handle inadequately given its age bracket and thematic priorities. Many scenes were jawdropping. Ive raved about it before, but your scene with Glimmer actually talking about her mom with Catra still leaves me gobsmacked every time I reread it. Your big moments towards the finale btwn Adora and Catra are obviously sublime and tie their wonderful arc off fantastically, but in my heart of hearts that cell talk will be the crown jewel of this project. Loved seeing the LGBT message take center stage in way canon had to hold back. To paraphrase Tolkien, I'm can't count myself among those gifted people, and youve def got a target audience in mind, but if youve ever worried if your stories resonate on a quote unquote "more universal" level, I promise you can put those worries to bed. Since becoming an adult ive intentionally sought out more and more queer-inclusive/created stories and I havent regretted it a bit, and the rising tide of fascist sexist/homo/transphobic bile in politics gets more and more frightening. But I've also seen how strong and resilient LGBT people are in the face of it, empowering themselves in no small part thru stories like yours. Please don't ever give up on your art. The world needs artists like you. Sorry if I come off pretentious or condescending, I feel like that when I try to get everything I think out at once. I'll be among the first to come running if you ever start another project like this or make something on an even grander scale. Thank you a thousand times for this. Also writing a wholeass sitcom pilot based on an offhand quasi-joke I made is the most weirdly touching thing I think anyones ever done "for me" (at least nominally cuz of me), especially a stranger. So thank you for that too.

Aw, you'll make me cry, you know! I think you've understood everything I wanted to do with this strip (or at least, when I started thinking beyond just 'characters saying fuck'), and... yeah, it's been an incredible journey, both for the blog and for me personally.

I've always tried to keep the parody good-natured. You can often tell, particularly in parody, when the creator dislikes one particular character (I mean, Horde Prime was probably the exception here), but I love all of them, so it really comes from a place of love. It's quite odd because I never set out to "fix" the show, and I wouldn't want to, but some things I've done seem to have had such an impact that a lot of people think I have done just that.

The Glimmer/Catra conversation is absolutely one of my favourite things I've written from this. It's such a pivotal moment in both their stories and character development, and I am truly humbled that multiple people have called it 'better than canon'. Like... I'm just some person trying to be funny and occasionally serious, and people are saying something I wrote is better than what a team of experienced professional writers did? Give over, no... But it's still a moment I can be proud of.

I won't be stopping writing things. This whole blog has given me a new lease of life and something to aim towards. I've got an excellent pilot script pretty much finished, and I do want to bring Hellspawn up to that standard too (thank you for suggesting someone make a Sweary Frosta sitcom - I'm someone!). That may well involve a complete re-write, but I'll be sure to share it.

Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for your kind words along the way. It really keeps me going :)

[dreamsister81]

Hi! Found this answer on a Redit thread. Your take?

he was probably bi. My friend who i worked with at a record store went out to dinner with him and some band mates and Jeff had some drinks and came on to him. I also knew of a couple of his girlfriends in NYC. He was probably like many people open to many things. That's all I will say.

Then there's this long spiel:

I’m late to the party but I went down a hole with this last year after I too listened to ‘Dream of you and I’ and was like that felt very personal and astute for someone everyone seems to assume is het. I went looking here then too and couldn’t find anything so hopefully the next person like me will find this.

I’m a queer person and have always strongly identified and loved his music but besides just my personal opinion that many of his songs have that ~queer energy~ and coding in them I did find a couple of less subjective things. Unfortunately none which lead to solid answers but might make other queer people like me feel happy and satisfied with what we are seeing in him (people who are die hard 'he could never be gay blah blah he’s had all these gfs' are never going to come around but for the rest of us it might be enough).

First big one is this 1997 article published a month after his death. https://www.chicagotribune.com/news/ct-xpm-1997-06-20-9706200305-story,amp.html it quotes him twice describing himself as a homosexual and gay. Unfortunately I can’t find the original articles from which the quotes are pulled for more context but for the most part... idk if we really need it. Feels to me like the author saw how he was being memorialised (perhaps knew him personally idk) and didn’t want this part of him to get lost. Here are the quotes in the event that article disappears one day too...

It's all about getting to a place where I can let my deepest eccentricities out," Buckley once said in an interview shortly after the Uncommon Ground show. "I just see things a little differently and express myself a little differently and I think it's because I haven't been in one place for very long (in four years, Buckley attended three high schools). So I was seen from my childhood as hyperactive, homosexual, weird, insane, obnoxious, offensive, funny. . . . It's a tremendous point of pain, my inability to relate to the status quo."

"I am a storyteller, lounge singer, I am the entertainer, I am the rock star, I am gay, I am wrong, I am there for the story to go down, the cocktail host-shaman, the little romantic chanteuse wanna-be," Buckley once said, trying to explain the image. He says he wanted it as the cover art for the album, but was talked out of it by friends and the record company. "All the men hated my Judy Garland jacket."

The article also mentions Judy Garland's jacket which he wears on the cover of Grace. Which would be my second obvious clue that he’s not a straight man. Idk how much you know about Judy but she was very much an icon in gay male circles at the time and prior - you can look that up if you’re unfamiliar and find plenty of info. He’s spoken about the jacket and other people have spoken about elsewhere too, you could look for more of that if you’re curious.

More directly from Jeff and related to his music is the Last Goodbye video which includes a clip of two men kissing. Pretty self explanatory. Whole video is pretty homo romantic tbh. Can’t imagine the record label was stoked about that if they didn’t even like the jacket. I imagine he would have had to fight to put that in which... why would you do that if you were straight?

Next I found some random forum thread (https://www.datalounge.com/thread/16719162-jeff-buckley) plenty of trolls and people being like no he’s straight and offering no real commentary but also some people who agreed. One gay guy who met him had assumed he was gay and didn’t find out he had a gf till after his death.

“Who actually knows? I met Jeff a bunch of times in NYC in 92/93. He was a nice guy. My BF went to NYU for grad school and I moved back there after leaving in 1988 when I graduated from there. Being back in the city, I threw myself back in the music scene. I would see him play and see him at other venues. I was 2 years older and liked Jazz. We mainly talked about music and guitars. I never asked, but always assumed he was gay. I was shocked when I found out that Joan Wasser was his girlfriend at the time of his death.”

Someone else there also mentions Judy Garland again and his cover of ‘The Man That Got Away’, you can listen to Jeff sing it on the Mystery White Boy live album. You could take his little intro to that song in a queer way too if you wanted.

Someone else in the thread also links to this 1995 MTV interview + outtakes video and just says “he seems gay in this video” which made me laugh but I mean.. they’re not really wrong. You should watch it either way because it’s a cute interview. https://youtu.be/vcxGwQKW6Ac

From the ‘In His Own Words’ book which fortunately and unfortunately is very obviously curated there are a couple things that are specifically queer. You’ll have to excuse any small errors in this, some of it is hard to read.

“Thanks for the beat, for the sumptuous rhythm you give that I continue at the silent handoff, watch me run baby. My baby’s got a strong right arm. The drag queen... such a queen, queen 4 my lust and juicy hope of happiness somewhere in this world... her back, her shoulders, her ecstatic downcast eyes that lead to her legs... just like my baby oh you should see her, you are both oh such the real thing, such the real thing... I smiled when you weren’t ready (word I can’t make out) the show and I brought you some (cut off page) kissed my cheek and it kept me (cut off page)”

“It’s something you don’t realize You’re funny that way Hatred and fascination Hatred and fascination

For the cultures closest to the earth For the lovers throughout history of the same sex For the feminine in all things For the body itself For the surrender and courage of the heart

DECODE THAT FUCKING EVANGELIST DEVIL DOCTRINE”

I feel like there was one more but I didn’t write it down and I can’t see it just flicking through the book again sorry - if I remember I’ll come back and add it next time I read it. There are other things in the book that also made me think he was queer but they were more subtle. Those are the two things that explicitly mention queerness. There’s also plenty in the book where he writes about sexual attraction to women or alludes to relationships with women so before someone comes at me about not acknowledging that - here I am. I will say though people who are gay have relationships with people of the opposite sex when they’re working themselves out, doesn’t make them any less gay. Also he could be any other variation of queer and be having relationships with people of any and all genders and identities.

You can read into all his lyrics or things he’s said in interviews or his general demeanour or whatever it is you want to. I could keep linking to what I recognise as queer coded but some of it’s more subjective and the rest of it is just too nuanced to try to articulate or argue on the internet.

Sentiment is basically that it’s very likely that he was gay or queer but that it was the 90s and that he grew up in the 70/80s - a time when being gay and out was not something one could comfortably or safely do much of the time. Especially not as a public figure. He was also very young, which unfortunately means maybe he never got to fully realise or authentically live out his queerness. Which really adds another layer of tragedy to his death if I’m honest.

If he was alive today with the evolution of queer language and general understanding we have now who’s to say how someone like Jeff - who was so obviously and openly in touch with his feminine side - would describe his gender identity let alone his sexuality.

Each to their own but if you’re queer and see yourself and your community reflected in him I don’t think anyone can accurately or definitively tell you otherwise.

It's all subjective opinion and an unsubstantiated claim imo...I don't think he was, but, as also claimed, "people that want to insist' won't be convinced otherwise...The Last Goodbye video...they seem to forget, or don't know, the part that involved Merri was inspired by Jean Cocteu who was, if the blurb I read is correct, gay... perhaps that was included to reflect that? Or maybe something similar was in something related to him that inspired? Who knows? They were also friends of her's, maybe she wanted them to be in it for whatever reason. They also miss a crucial thing: Jeff, to me anyway, did not think along lines, and may have acted in ways perceived as gay (hence being called so as a kid), but didn't think of it as being "gay" or "not gay", he just did whatever came, it doesn't necessarily mean he's gay...also, what they take as "codes" may not actually be (and people, please don't @ me, this is only my opinion and impression... I was asked, I'm replying, thanks)...

[untitled-tmnt-blog]

What were some of your favorite Risetober art pieces you did this month? Do you have any favorite Risetober art you've seen from others?

As far as my own Risetober stuff, I think my favorites are probably the little GIFs I did for Portal Chopped and Spider. But Meat Sweats and Trick or Treat were a lot of fun, too!

I'm gonna be honest -- when I saw this ask, I went over to @risetober-art-challenge and scrolled through all of the Risetober art there! There were so many good ones that I didn't even see the first time around (and I may have slightly flooded my dash with some of those this morning). As far as favorites... sorry, but I'm gonna have to list a bunch!

I love @myososheep's Ghost + Karai. It's a beautiful drawing, and the fact that it's done in watercolor is really impressive!

I love @frosteaart's Stars, which is sooo pretty, and Amulet, which is a really well-done IMBI animation! (I also love Ghost, because it's honestly just hilarious!)

@v-albion's Battle Nexus is just drawn so, so well! And Mummy really pulls on the heartstrings.

This little Cat + Red Fox + Jumpscare animation by @raylaui is so good!

I love @sariphantom's style in general, but Battle Nexus, Masks, and Stars are probably my favorite ones!

I love the little Karai in @tormentitanoemi's Green so much! And Shredder's shadow over her makes it a really emotional drawing.

I love @princesskkfish's Stars and Jumpscare -- two very well-done drawings, with very different tones!

I really like @cat-sithe's Magic, as well as @hyperfixated-homo's Magic! And @honey-rye's Red Fox is very cute, as is @crabbys-stuff's Pumpkin + Witch + Cat.

@fosori-blog's Baron Draxum and Mummy are both soooo detailed! And @moth-boi-lycan's Green has so much going on in it as well!

There were also just a LOT of really pretty pieces for Stars! I especially liked this one by @mvshr00m-1, this one by @raylaui, and this one by @just-another-tired-gay-artist!

... aaand, I think that's probably more than enough for one post! I'm so bad at picking favorite art, so those usually end up being really long lists for me!

[perhapsisuppose]

you. give me your ninjago headcanons

the joy that surged through me.

i have a LOT

my faves tho are related around what they’d look like as humans

cole - definitely a big guy, super strong, would have darker skin and cool hair. i sometimes see people hc him as blasian or indian and both of those ARE SO FITTING

I fully and firmly believe cole is a metaphor for being gay

the royal blacksmiths ep in s1 is smth i have always felt was a subtle nod to the struggle of being gay and having a “double life” where he was nervous to tell his dad.

zane - either darker skin for human form or just the titanium (i think he’s a metaphor for autism 😈)

jay - white. canadian, probably. freckled everywhere, redhead bs, etc. (my adhd twin) the thinnest ninja, my guy is muscly but thin.

nya and kai - asian, tan skin, nya is definitely taller after s8 when they all start to grow up. nya’s bulky but kai is on the thinner side.

lloyd - asian, sometimes i see him portrayed as tan, and sometimes white. either work in my head. he’s not that thin, probably middle build.

—

random ones i’ve collected :

- jay’s special interest is video games, hence why they pop up as a constant interest for him throughout seasons, unlike the baking and cooking he mentions in the pilot (those were definitely his past fixations.)

- jay has a knack for inventing and tinkering - maybe it was a past fixation because it did fade as nya took the character role of “inventor”

- kai thinks cole is probably the hottest dude he’s ever seen, whether romantically or platonically is up to you, but he’s definitely had at least one fleeting homo thought

- jay and zane stim and talk over robotics and tech for hours. nya often walks in and joins, but will leave after they fall down another inevitable rabbit hole.

- lloyd dyes his hair blonde. he was born with terrifyingly bright blonde hair, but it became darker into a light brown with his rapid aging in s2. he just prefers the blonde.

- misako 100% has had some cheating-ass romantic interaction with wu while garm was out of the picture.

- harumi doesn’t love lloyd. she loves the idea of him. all she wanted was to be protected, and here’s the easy-to-manipulate, powerful, and cute green ninja - her easiest way to feel in control, whether subconscious or not at first.

- while arguing about nya with kai, jay has definitely pulled something like “what, you want me to marry you instead, asshole??” “you can say you’re jealous.”

- cole and jay have a closer bond than many.

- during the early seasons when cole was “interested” in nya, i hc that as him either experimenting or caring for her and confusing it for romantic love.

- nya struggles to say ‘i love you’ directly to jay due to the intense vulnerability it fills her with. she shows it in many other ways, and regrets not saying it sooner before seabound

- jay is insecure about this. ^

- that one archer ghost from s5 who wanted ronan’s soul bc of some deal he made was DEFINITELY into him. or vice versa.

- pythor and scales are 100% a divorced couple. how would that work lore-wise? it wouldn’t. they just are.

- chen is into the most fucking kinky shit you could ever fathom. he was alone on that island for a long, long time.

and is insane.

—

IF I THINK OF MORE OR IVE FORGOTTEN SOME, ILL TELL U!!!!

YIPPEEEE

[rust-is-a-car-disease]

Yo! A muslim here to tell you about Islam. :D And yes Boboiboy is muslim. Simple salam, alhamdulillah and Bismillah is enough to implide that. And celebration of Ramadhan and Aid.

Well first. Homo is not 'banned' but against the religion itself. It's a sin. Which the sinner of this sin is saw as lower than the animals itself. As it saw even animals who doesn't have brain didn't all that. Only people who have mental illness does that as normal human wouldn't.

More of this in story of Lut

With this it's can be pretty good angsty story (for those Boboiboy and Fang shipper)

Like Fang liking Boboiboy but Boboiboy would always choose Allah in anyway and even tho it's hurt Fang have to deal with it.

If want to make it more angsty make Boboiboy uncomfortable with Fang. Well doesn't really need him to fully hate Fang but some part of Boboiboy find Fang disgusting. Boboiboy is afraid by the sin. Which it right for him as muslim. And Fang still his friend...well before... As time go Boboiboy kinda driff himself away from Fang. He avoid Fang in many way and refuse to talk long with Fang....and then they never talk anymore. Boboiboy just move on on life. While Fang still kinda have feeling for him. But now? Do the Boboiboy he like still the same Boboiboy? No. It's not. Fang ruin his friendship with Boboiboy. Now they're nothing but stranger.

-🌟

Thx for the explanation! I only really hear of ppl who dont follow their own religion so its nice when actual religous stuff is cleared up.

Ooo! I was thinking more of a forbidden love idea. But it makes sense esp if we take into account his religious beliefs (which he was probably raised to stand by) and the time period (and probably location) it takes place in. Im referring to how the show was first released wayyy back when. And to my understanding malaysia isnt good to homo. (Most of the guys ik r already bad to women. I dont imagine something seen as sin would be accepted.)

The drifting apart makes more sense. I see boboiboy as someone who really cares abt his friends and while he himself finds it wrong or disgusting hed try not to drag his friends down because of it. Naturally he would avoid, conciously or not, someone he personally internally views as a sinner even if he tries not to hurt fang due to it. That naturally causes a rift between them and they drift apart and he naturally just moves on with his life. Im not experienced (and probably dont experience) romance the same way as most ppl so i dont really get how hurt fang would be or how it affects him but it makes sense that his feelings ruin a friendship with a religous boboiboy. I dont really know how closely boboiboy follows islam as i know people who is part of a religion and just doesnt follow it and that would effect how quickly he distances himself and stuff like that from fang. I dont think its really fangs fault bc ppl cant control emotions but i think it would definetely cause them to drift apart and boboiboy would naturally treat someone he thinks of as less close to him and a sinner differently. So even if romantic feelings eventually are no longer involved as time passes it still creates a rather large rift between them.

So in the end in this scenario they really do end up as mostly strangers or at most aquaintances you would nod at when you pass by but wont interact more. Afterall they still would regonise each other just not as friends.

[technicolorfamiliar]

Technicolor Familiar Watches Too Many Conrad Veidt Movies Part 1 of ?

Apropos of nothing, I find myself wading around waist deep in Conrad Veidt's filmography, at least the titles I can easily find online.

I've been writing down my mostly brief impressions after each movie, mainly for my own entertainment since I know exactly zero other people who would care lol. I actually created a Mastodon account especially for this purpose, since my primary socials aren't really for this sort of thing. But the character limit on Mastodon is seriously cramping my style, so I'm going to be annoying about this on Tumblr, my self-imposed blog expectations be damned.

I'm not doing plot summaries, but there are spoilers. I'm not watching these movies in any particular order other than what I'm in the mood for on any given day. I'm half trying to keep the thirst levels to a minimum, but no promises; all bets were off after watching A Woman's Face. And tbh, this whole thing has turned into an Emotional Support / Coping Mechanism / Escapism Tactic because hoo boy is my brain bad these days. But be forewarned, I'm not a writer, I'm not a film critic. I just like movies and turns out I like Conrad Veidt a lot too. I'd probably have more and better things to say about a lot of these upon a second or third watch.

So as of late November, I'm 15 films deep with a lot more to go. I'm thinking about splitting this up into multiple posts, maybe like 5ish films/post. Originally I was going to see how many of these movies can I watch before the end of 2023. But I'm just going to keep going until I run out of available titles or I get sick of Connie's face (unlikely).

The Man Who Laughs, 1928 Dir. Paul Leni ⭐4.5/5 Watched mid-Oct, Archive.org Nothing could have prepared me for this. Of course I was aware of TMWL, but more vaguely than I guess I realized. It's really ahead of its time. The production quality is astounding, it's an absolutely beautiful film. The whole cast is pretty great, too. The Duchess? Total smoke show. Homo the Dog? Queer icon. And Connie really swings for the fences emotionally and physically as Gwynplaine. Bear in mind, this is literally only the third Conrad Veidt movie I've ever seen (other than the basic, intro level Cabinet of Dr Caligari and Casablanca), so I was really floored by what he's able to do in this role with the use of really only half his face. There are several wonderfully haunting and heartbreaking visuals and moments throughout the nearly 2 hour runtime that will stay with me long after watching. Half a star got knocked off because the score was a little bombastic and there were one too many clowns for me personally. But those are small complaints for what may otherwise be a pretty perfect film.

Unheimliche Geschichten (Eerie Tales), 1919 Dir. Richard Oswald ⭐3/5 Watched mid-Oct, Archive.org A romp. The version I watched had no soundtrack at all, making for a totally silent viewing experience. The vignette structure and old school effects are fun. I enjoyed seeing Anita Berber in action although maybe I was expecting more because of all the hype surrounding her/her image. But Connie, Anita, and Reinhold Schünzel seem like they had a good time working on this project. "The Black Cat" and "The Suicide Club" were my favorite sections (and I actually watched this when I was in the middle of Netflix's The Fall of the House of Usher, so yay for extra Poe content in the spookiest month). As for Connie Content, what can I say, he's stunning.

The Cabinet of Doctor Caligari, 1920 Dir. Robert Wiene ⭐3.5/5 Watched Oct 17, Archive.org I went hard with the silent era when I started this journey. Caligari was my intro to Conrad Veidt almost 15 years ago, and as a lapsed goth art student, I remember being bewitched by his strange and off-putting presence on screen. My rating for this one is kind of low compared to how undoubtedly iconic and important of a film it is. It could have been my mood but upon rewatching, but the story fell a little flat for me. I did like the updated score in the version I watched, and I would love to see this one on the big screen maybe with a live orchestra some day.

Orlacs Hände (The Hands of Orlac), 1924 Dir. Robert Wiene ⭐4/5 Watched Oct 17, Archive.org Loved. It's so horny and bizarre (the scene with the maid crawling on the floor? same, girl, same). And visually the most pre-David Lynch Lynchian-looking movie I've ever seen. The shots that linger on highly stylized, cavernous, empty rooms before a character enters? So David Lynch. I'm also a big fan of the psychological body horror and crime thriller genre mashup. It's got twists, it's got turns. Conrad Veidt's your man if you ever needed a Hand Actor. Like the handsiest Hand Actor who ever had a pair of hands. Someone who could really work those mitts.

A Woman's Face, 1941 Dir. George Cukor ⭐4.5/5 Watched Oct 18, Vudu & TCM Jumping way forward in Connie's career. This movie did things to me. This was, I think, the point of no return. It's extremely underrated, I'm legitimately surprised I'd not heard of it before diving down this rabbit hole. That said, it is strange and pretty spicy for a Hays Code era picture. It's so good, I actually watched it twice (it aired on TCM as a part of their creepy cinema series). Visually beautiful and narratively interesting, if maybe a little long despite the rushed ending. Shout out to Joan Crawford for giving what's probably the best performance of hers, at least that I've seen (Mildred Pierce who?). And then there's nasty, nasty Conrad Veidt. He very nearly steals the movie from Joan, I couldn’t take my eyes off him. He's beautiful, he's TALL, he's scary. Genuinely shocked he doesn't have second billing. But what else can I say about his Torsten Barring that hasn't already been said more eloquently by others? It's such a great character, and I believe he said it was one of his favorites during his entire 100+ film career. A Woman's Face is the only title on this list so far where immediately after watching I wanted to buy the dvd. Ugh, we deserved several more decades of Connie in roles like this.

I'll probably post the next few one day soon, where I finally get into some titles from the 1930s.

[youhavenoideahowmuchihatethis]

I had a thought about the USO girls being protective of Steve and then I wrote this little thing. Enjoy!

...

“Goddam straps came loose during the song.”

The girls pool into the dressing room, laughing and chattering. Betty fiddles with the collar around her neck until it’s open where it connects in the back. She sighs in relief as she frees her breasts and pulls the pins out of her hair to get the ridiculous hat off, shaking out her red curls. The other girls start to undress as well, all eager to get out of their costumes and into their (slightly) more comfortable clothes. 

“Ya almost flashed the whole audience”, giggles Miriam, a pretty blonde who joined the group very recently.

“Please, imagine how many bonds would sell with these bombs” Betty says cheeky and shimmies her boobs to a song only she could hear. That earns her a few wolf whistles and howling laughter.

“Would have given the old bloke in the first row a heart attack” Ruth cackles. Betty knows exactly who she meant and giggles too. The guy’s eyes almost fell out just from seeing that much leg. 

“Forget the grandpa, Rogers would’ve gone up in flames right then and there on the stage.” Martha throws in, strapping a small watch around her wrist. “He always acts like he’s not seen us change a hundred times.”

“Nah, he’s just one of them catholics, they feel guilty about everythin’.”

“Ain’t that true!” yells a voice from the back of the room that Betty recognizes as Irene’s. When she isn't on stage she wears a simple silver cross around her neck. “I still hear the fucking nuns in my head when I start to enjoy myself.”

“Where is he anyways?” Miriam asks, looking around a bit.

Ruth sighs. “Probably being paraded around like a showpony again, poor fella.” 

“Can’t really blame them when he looks like the American dream with a cherry on top”, Martha says as she checks her makeup and hair in one of the many mirrors along the walls.

“And he’s such a gentleman too”, Miriam adds with a sigh. “You think he already has a dame?” Betty snickers internally. Oh, poor sweet girl.

“Rogers? Nah, he looks like a brick shithouse but he’s real delicate on the inside, if ya know what I mean”, Betty says conspiratorially and winks for good measure. She had already peeled herself out of the costume and currently buttons up her blouse.

“Well yeah, he’s a big softy, I noticed. He still could have a girl. I bet he’s a real romantic.”

Betty stops fiddling with the buttons. And she hesitates. Ruth silently meets her eyes. She could feel Martha looking too, as well as a few other girls who had been listening to the conversation. Miriam doesn’t seem to notice the sudden stillness, just rolling up her stockings  and securing them on her garters.

Well, Betty thought. Better to get it out now than Miriam finding out about it under different circumstances. Her eyes briefly wander over to where Alice is zipping up her dress. Sweet, quiet Alice, who writes letters to her ‘roommate’ almost daily and always seals them with a kiss when she thinks no one is watching her.

“No, I mean… He’s… He’s a man’s man, y’know?” Her voice is a lot quieter now than it was before and heavy with implication. Most of the girls already knew, but you can never know who might be walking by. They all like him. They all like Steve. They helped him get over his stage fright and he is a goddam cheat at every card game they’ve played so far. They all like him a lot.

Miriam's eyes widen when she understands. Her mouth opens and closes a few times, like a fish on land. 

“You mean… he’s one of them homos?” The last part came out in a whisper, the news clearly shocking to her.

Betty squares up her shoulders to appear taller than she is. Her expression turns cold. 

“Now you listen here Miriam, I’m sain’ this once ‘cause you’re young and new to the showbiz, but these people are everywhere and you’re a stage dancer, so you’ll meet a lot. And let me tell you Miriam, these are fine people who live their lives just as you do. They too just want a roof over their head, food on their table and this damn war to end. Who cares who they’re foolin’ around with.”

“But he’s-”

“Been nothing but nice to you, has he not? Was he not such a gentleman? So you’re gonna learn to accept him and those people and if you can’t, it’s you who’ll have to leave, got it?” Somewhere during her speech she had crossed her arms over her chest, giving Miriam a hard look.

Miriam looks at her with huge eyes and then nods.

Betty lets her frown melt away and gives Miriam a tiny smile and a nod back. Beside her she hears someone let out a long breath. It was Ruth.

“Well damn Betty, heart of gold and tongue of steel.”

Betty gives Ruth her biggest grin. “And bombs for tits, don’t you forget it.” She shimmies again and that breaks the serious and heavy air around them as they all laugh at her.

Martha leans in closer, a secret smile on her lips and a mischievous glint in her eye. “But do you think he has a fella?”

“Who knows?” She shrugs, but couldn’t hide the smirk.  “If he doesn’t I’m sure it’s no trouble finding one. I for sure wouldn’t have trouble if I had an ass like that.”

Screaming laughter erupts so loud that Betty is sure you could hear it in the audience.

[stolenavalanche]

I remember losing my faith. It was little things that at the time didn’t seem to add up to much. But those little grew and festered in my mind. They tempted me to ask more questions, to do more research. 

My parents probably ask themselves every day where they went wrong. The answer is glaringly obvious, even if they don’t wish to admit it. They raised me to think for myself. All those years, they tried to shield my eyes from literature and media that was “ungodly.” They monitored my phone for years, trying to catch anything that might be too worldly. They were picky of who my friends were, scared I might be drug into hell due to the wrong people.

When you try to monitor a child as closely as they did, rebellion happens. How dare they try and tell me what to do and think and believe? It started off innocently enough. A random gay couple in a NCIS episode. One of my close friends coming out as a lesbian. Thomas Sanders being the gay icon that he is. Picking a library book prize titled Simon vs the Homo Sapiens Agenda. An lgbt+ fanfic. 

My parents were right in trying to control what I read. Books and literature in general is a gateway. But I couldn’t be the horse obsessed, mystery reader forever. SvTHSA, Bloom, and many other books, made me feel seen. Made me feel heard. Forever, I had felt guilty for the way I would look at girls and guys and everyone in-between.

“But who prays for Satan?” A Mark Twain quote that hit home everyday for years. I remember asking my father, “If the devil was to apologize to God and change and really mean it, would God forgive him?” My dad couldn’t answer that. Strike one.

I would lay in bed at night and sob, begging God to answer me. Those answers never came. It frustrated me to no end. So when I reached out to the universe, asking for signs from other pantheons and they answered within the week, it hurt. Strike two.

The breaking point was my gender. I realized I was trans. I hid it from my parents as long as I could, but they figured it out. It was one of the hardest conversations of my life. I got kicked out. I was told God doesn’t make mistakes. So why did I feel like one? Strike three.

I hated him. I still do. I try hard to not let that hate bleed into my interactions with his followers, but sometimes it’s hard. That bastard has allowed so much hate and filth into the world. Why should his followers, who primarily spread it, be cut any slack? 

“Not all Christians are like that.” Bullshit. Even the ones I think I can trust are hiding a knife in their sleeves. A sly comment from a coworker about supporting anti-trans laws. Blatant disrespect for pronouns disguised as “I’m trying, it’s hard.” It disgusts me and it’s so hard to understand. How can people be so awful? I recognize that I was raised to hate just like these people do. But somehow, I don’t feel hate towards the groups they tell me to. If I can change, why don’t they?

It’s because they choose not to. They enjoy hating others, they enjoy making people’s lives difficult. They are cruel and unkind and not what Jesus, the man they admire so much, told them to be. I make a better Christian than the majority of Christians out there. I wish I could cut all contact with them. The world would be so much better without their hate. But I can’t. 

Call it a hero complex, but I have siblings who still could be good. It’s my responsibility to help them see that the outside world isn’t full of evil. It’s my responsibility to try and guide them out of the hate they were raised in.  Maybe I can keep them safe, somehow. I care about them so much and only want to see them thrive. 

I don’t know how to end this. I never do. But I do know that this was a well needed vent. The world is cruel and unkind and that’s somewhat due to those trying to save it. I can’t change it, but I can hope. I can enjoy living whilst I have the chance. So I will. 

[inquisitiveshashank]

#8

In India these days, a new debate is going on about the LGBTQ community , and the importance of the matter can be understood from the fact that the apex court of the land, the Supreme Court of India, has taken interest in this matter and is hearing the plea for giving a conclusive judgement.

Generally, I am clear about my stand on such matters and am always clear about my sides. But this time, it's quite difficult to choose. I am saying so not because of any grudges or any hatred for the community but because of the valid logic provided by the Union in the SupremeCourt. I personally believe in the cause of same-sex marriage and am greatly inclined towards it. This bias can be due to the institution I am a part of, which has always supported this cause. Yet when I see the larger picture of same-sex marriage, I believe that it's better not to pass any such law in haste and that we should first understand the concept from the perspective of society and law.

So where should we start? According to my limited knowledge or what I have perceived about this case till now, the lgbtq society is asking for legalising marriage and giving them the dignity and basic rights they deserve. As Menaka Guruswamy rightly pointed out, "marriage is not only a question of dignity; it is also a bouquet of rights that LGBTQ people are denied," which is absolutely correct.

But according to me, India as a society is still not ready for such a change. The community is constantly giving the example of countries like Canada and the Netherlands,  which have legalised same-sex marriage. But the reason that this won't work in India is due to the fact that, deep down somewhere, same-sex marriage propagates an "anti-birth mentality," and this is probably the reason why the birth rate of Canada, the Netherlands, and Sweden is lower than other countries.

Elaborating further, it will be very hard for a couple to sustain same-sex marriage in India because of the stark cultural differences that we have with the countries that have legalised it. Moreover, a study with '' no basis :what the study don't tell us about same sex patenting'' questions the parenting skills of the same-sex parents and conclusively points out that even the couples that go for children are not able to provide them with the quality life they deserve. Another study named "A New Study of Young Adults Conceived Through Sperm Donation" points out that the children of homosexual couples are more prone to getting into bad company and bad habits than the heterosexual couple. Also, it is seen that life is difficult for the children of homosexual couples in places where same-sex marriage is legalised. At the end, it is concluded that the development of the child of a homosexual couple is slow in comparison to that of heterosexual couples. Hence, experimenting with the legalisation of same-sex marriage won't be any good, both for the couples and their future progeny.

Another major problem with respect to same-sex marriage is the danger of diseases. The writer of Homo sexuality'' and the politics of truths'' say that the same-sex couples are more susceptible to sexual disease than the normal couple, and the life expectancy of the homo men is low in comparison to the normal men. There are many other reports that point out that the danger of aids in homosexuals is high.

A study of the Netherlands' mental health survey and the Incides study pointed out that homocouples are more prone to bad mental health in comparison to the normal couple.

Hence, to conclude, I believe that the time is still not right to legalise same-sex marriage in India, as we as a society first need to understand the basics of same-sex marriage, we first need to educate the masses on this issue. We as a society first need to evolve on this matter and understand the need and cause of such relations, and this can't be done after the law comes into existence as Indian society will react opposingly to this phenomenon. We have to be very delicate on this matter because it will change the whole structure of society, marriage, and whatnot. Making a law without involving the society in the matter will be imposing the wants of the few on masses who are not ready for such a change. The same argument was put forward by J. Sai Deepak in court, as he commented that when we are talking about implementing such a big change in society, we need to involve the society in this matter; otherwise, the society won't react favourably to this, and this will be challenging for the homo couples. Hence, it is necessary for the lgbtq community to first educate the society and then ask for legalising same-sex marriage. Moreover, it's very complex for giving the legal status, as Tushar Mehta rightly pointed out that lgbtq also contains a plus, which is worth thinking about as we still don't know how many more such shades are there, and making law without a proper understanding will be no good.

In the end, all I believe is that though I might look inclined towards the centre more, I still sympathise with the lqbtq community and support them. No matter what the verdict, it will be a win-win for me.

[deflect-daily]

I’m an evolutionary dead-end #childfreebychoice

There were countless individuals before me who successfully reproduced and passed on their genetic material, generation after generation, from single-cell organism to homo sapiens, until this very point in the history of my personal phylogenetic tree. I am not pregnant, I never was and I never will be. I got sterilized on December 12th 2022 and it feels like a second birthday to me.

In the following text, I want to write down some of the thoughts and reflections I had about the topic of (not) having children and why I am convinced, that (female) sterilization is a political act of emancipation. Quoting the feminist movement during the 60s and 70s: “the personal is political”, I wish to give you some insights of the implication of this radical act of self-appropriation. After having undergone the procedure, I decided to write a text, that I would have enjoyed reading many years ago when I thought about sterilization the first time. 

In case some of you are triggered by this topic: This is my personal opinion, my personal choice for my body and my future. I am not saying, what i did is best for you or anyone else. It is important to me that everybody always has the freedom of choice. 

Yet, in my eyes, having children is a thing only for people who really want to become parents. And, even more importantly: People who decided to become parents should be aware of the scope of engagement, the responsibility and the severity that is connected to the act of bringing a person to life. This decision is always to be made consciously and carefully. 

Why I don't want to be a parent

Listing all the reasons against having kids and discussing them in detail would take too long and maybe also be too controversial. If you want to get inspired about some of the reasons, you can read "No kid - Quarante raisons de ne pas avoir d'enfant" by Corinne Maier. I share many of them, but my personal list exceeds 40 reasons by far ;)  

Just to make this clear: I never wanted kids. I, 34 years old today, identify as a cis woman but I never saw myself as a mother nor did I ever envision "having my own family" as a life goal.

All my friends know that I am not a huge fan of children. And, most importantly: I am not willing to invest the time and money into such a life-changing project. I have enough hobbies and interests to keep myself busy for at least 200 years. There's simply not enough space in my life for my own offspring.

“People who don’t have kids are egocentric and self-centered”

Provided that one has access to affordable contraceptives, the choice of having kids or not immediately becomes one that has to be actively made. And, from that point on, it always becomes an egocentric choice. Often, people who voluntarily decide against reproduction, are seen as antisocial and egoistic, demonstrating a lack of solidarity because they do not provide the future generation, future working forces, future tax-payers, future pension-payers. You probably already see where this is going... The personal and societal reasons, most people name for having children are egocentric as well: "I want to leave some traces here on planet earth", "I don't want to be alone when I'm older", "I want to pass on my values/genes/beliefs". Having kids because there’s a need for human beings to care for you when you’re retired, financially and physically, is also quite self-centered... isn’t it? 

Or, a very common phrase is "it is just part of life" - which shows, if anything, a lack of reflection. Life is so full of incredible things. Having kids is just one of them. "It has always been like that" is also not a valid argument. Period. If you disagree, then please think about what that means for suppression of minorities, women and POC, the exploitation of nature, the burning of fossil fuels and so on and so forth... Can we please move on? 

The fallacy of the "mother instinct" and the ideal of a "good mother"

The so called "mother instinct" which is the idea that woman just have an internal drive to care for others, especially children, is a social construct that bares no scientific background but can be very useful when one aims to naturalize the societal inequality of women and men. There is no scientific evidence, that women just generally care more than men, but, if we all believe, that women have a natural, inherent drive to care for children, it is way easier to make them stay at home with the kids, give up a career and accept to be underpaid or not paid at all. 

The idea of a "good mother" with all the associated concepts and expectations has been used for centuries to establish and solidify patriarchal structures within society. There is this idea of this strong bond between a mother and her kids that is unique and indispensable and especially important during the first three years of life. If the mother is not (sufficiently) around during this time, the child will suffer great psychological damage that can never be fully healed. Of course, the mother cannot be replaced by any other person, neither father, grandparents or other family members, friends or other loving kin. So, if the mother’s not available to the child for whatever reason, the child will be broken for the rest of it’s life and the mother’s to blame. 

I guess, I don’t have to tell you, that there is no scientific evidence for this bullsh*t either and that we, as a society should drop these misconceptions rather sooner than later. 

Enforcing the duty not just to bear children, but also to devote their lives to the upbringing of their kids, exerts an enormous pressure on women. Womanhood has long been and still is directly connected to motherhood. Only those women who bear children and care for them are real women and thus, only those who make their children the utmost priority, are good mothers, good women. 

Sarah Diel describes the background of these ideas and the associated suppression of women very well in her book "Die Uhr, die nicht tickt" which I strongly recommend. 

Care for others is independent of the bloodline. If one feels the need to care for others, this does not necessarily mean that the beings cared for are one's own offspring. Donna Harraway says it in perfect terms: "Make kin, not babies!". Care, intimacy and responsibility for others are incredibly important, but can be shared between all humans and even across species, not just between mothers and their kids.

“But isn't there an alternative?” - Some words on contraception

Let's get everyone on the same page: Contraception is still a problem with a variety of unsatisfactory solutions and eventually, still a women’s.

Even though, there is a promising idea for men on the rise, called RISUG (Reversible Inhibition of Sperm Under Guidance), it seems like there's no real interest taken in developing the product by pharmaceutical companies. The first time this popped up on screens dates back to more than a decade ago and there has still no real progress been made. The research on RISUG or “vasalgel” was mostly done by the Parsemus Foundation who now seems to have sold the idea to a private company. On their website, they claim, that the product will be on the market, “as soon as clinical studies and regulatory approvals are completed”. Whatever that means... The only thing I know, is that I am not willing to wait for this it to arrive on the market.

So, to put this prospect aside, when we discuss solutions to the contraception problem, we basically have the following options with their corresponding PIs (PI = pearl index):

Condoms; PI of 18-21

Hormonal contraception (pills, rings, patches, implants, injections, IUDs, you name it); PI varying from 0.05 to 9, depending on the method

Heavy metals (copper IUDs); PI of 0.8

Some unsafe alternatives like spermicide creams or gels, withdrawal and "fertility awareness methods" that in my opinion do not really count as contraceptives due to very high pearl indices of >18

Vasectomy (male sterilization; PI 0.1) and female sterilization (tubal ligation; PI 0.5)

(I took the PI values from here)

The only options here, that can be used by men are condoms and vasectomy. Hormonal contraceptives have a looooooooong list of side effects that are not just diverse but also in parts severe, the most dangerous being the increased risk of blood clots (elevated risk of thromboses, strokes, pulmonary emboli and heart attacks) and cancer (breast and cervical cancer). And not to be forgotten: The adverse effects on the psyche like mood swings, depression and decreased libido. 

Hormonal contraception and copper IUDs have the huge advantage of being extremely safe and also reversible. For anyone, who is not sure about whether they wanna have children or not, this is the way to go - in monogamous and/or tested environments - until better options are available. Quick reminder on the side: Condoms are still the only contraceptive option around that also protects against (some, not all) STDs... 

Whoever is willing to have a permanent solution: sterilization is the only option.

Female sterilization is actually the method of contraception mostly used worldwide with high prevalence in Asia, Latin and North America. Around the world 219 million women are sterilized whereas only 16 million men underwent vasectomy (source). The usage of the different methods of contraception by continent can be seen here:

Figure 1: Contraceptive prevalence among married or in-union women aged 15 to 49 by method and region, 1990 and 2011. Source: United Nations Department of Economic and Social Affair (2013), Trends in Contraceptive Methods Used Worldwide. Population facts No. 2013/9. 

Why this digression on contraception? Because the number of suitable options is limited. I was on hormonal contraceptives for roughly 10 years. I was one of the lucky ones who experienced only mild side effects. But still, at one point, I decided that I want to get off the hormonal treatment and got a copper IUD. Since then, I enjoy the physical and mental benefits of a natural menstrual cycle. I am again a lucky one to have only mild discomfort during my period and I do not suffer from conditions like e.g. PCOS or endometriosis. Overall, my reproductive organs do fine. And yet, getting the IUD installed was one of the most painful things ever. Not so much because of the rather intense pain, but more because of the quality of the pain. It felt like some part of me, deep within my guts, that was not supposed to be touched by anything ever, was hurt. Ugh. 

Never again. 

I was looking for a better option. Yes, vasectomy is a way smaller intervention than a tubal ligation, which is always performed under general anesthesia, but for various reasons, that I also discussed thoroughly with my partner, I wanted a  permanent solution for myself.

And I was incredibly lucky. I found great support not just from my friends and my gynecologist, but there’s also an information center in the city I live in, where I was given all the necessary information and direct contact to doctors that do tubal ligations. I expected the process to be extremely tough because I had listened to the story of a lady, aged 29, who had fought six months to get the procedure done. I was scared. But the path unfolded surprisingly smooth and a few months after my first visit at the information center, I got sterilized. 

“But what if you change your mind?”

This is what people always said to me, when I was telling them, that I do not intend to have children: "Wait until you're older!" "I thought the same, when I was your age" "I'm sure you'll change your mind".

The comments became less as i grew older, especially after turning 30, but still, occasionally, I got to hear the same old phrases. 

As if it was impossible to be certain of whether you want to have a family or not in your 20s. As if women are not capable of taking this decision on the basis of emotional and/or rational reasons until they passed a certain age - that is, of course, defined by society. 

Society claims, that at a certain moment in life *flick*, like magic, a woman’s kid-switch is engaged in the brain, that sets off the internal clock which will take away the steering wheel of rationality. And everyone knows that this is going to happen, except the woman herself.

Young women, even kids, that talk about their wish to have a family one day are never treated as their wishes were irrational or will fade "once they get older". 

I personally made the experience, that the older I got, the stronger I was convinced that I won’t have children. Of course, I had moments of insecurity that this might change one day. But this is normal and happens with many more or less important life choices like getting tattooed, signing up for a school or university, moving to another city or breaking up with a partner. Doubts are normal. 

I will have to live with the consequences of my decisions. And so do you with yours. 

That being said, there is also no guarantee that mothers do change their mind and regret their decision. An article by Orna Donath went viral a few years ago, because she interviewed several Israeli mothers who got interviewed on #regrettingmotherhood. This is not representative. But this might be an under-reported problem. Further research is needed.

A final statement

I am incredibly happy that I had the possibility to get the surgery done. I am thankful to life in a part of the world where various options for contraception are available and affordable. I am thankful for the people around me, who supported me in the process. I am grateful for the people who did the operation, so that everything was safe and without complications. And last, but by far not least, I am proud of my body that it handled everything so well. I feel incredibly strong, empowered and self-conscious and I am looking forward to deepen the relationship with both my body, my femininity and my sexuality, knowing that I never have to bother my body with contraceptives again.

Recommended to read:

No kid - Quarante raisons de ne pas avoir d'enfant by Corinne Maier

Die Uhr die nicht tickt by Sara Diehl

Kunskapens frukt (Engl: Fruit of knowledge, germ: Der Ursprung der Welt) by Liv Strömquist

Schwangerwerdenkönnen by Antje Schrupp

Abolish the family. A manifesto for care and liberation by Sophie Lewis

Recommended to watch:

A documentation about young women and their journey to getting sterilized in Germany 

Recommended to listen to:

The interview with Milena, mentioned above, who fought six months to get sterilized in Switzerland at age 29

Recommended to follow:

@tiffany.jmarie on instagram

For support and further information: 

https://www.selbstbestimmt-steril.de/

[the-firebird69]

Watch "John Parr - St. Elmo's Fire (Man In Motion) (Official Music Video)" on YouTube

Next plan was to bait his max into doing the job and to force them to Saturday and Jupiter largest planets to have weapon system that is interstellar and goes extremely far all the way to the edge and he is doing it by pushing them and motivating them inside to use our clans Hera and I to do it because they're a smart enough to develop the tech to build it to get there big enough to make it and they did push them quite a bit. Not sure if they push them to this edge or not but I'm pretty sure that they would think this way it would be one of their options it might be their only option and that's the way they say it and think it is not how I think or Hera but it is well over the top and St Elmo's fire is not Jacob's ladder it's when you hit a nuke the force and energy of the new travels up the laser beam and the energy itself is released by the material and so forth that's the bomb and the fuel being dissolved that's why I travel something to be it's whipped to it but what they're planning on doing is disgusting and it's because of the threat that Earth poses if it's detonated. And it will be our clan so we're going up there and they'll take it from Tommy f quite easily the nephilim will pave the way and it is seen in many persons documents that that's what's happening

Zues

They were pushed and controlled into this manipulated to do so and you're done to them by committing people committing homicide on them and constantly putting them in the grave. Nobody would be able to withstand it and treatment that they're doing to my husband is very similar and they should think about it what they're doing and apparently they don't care and they think that he's a very small group if any group at all and that kind of error in judgment is usually fatal. Besides that I'm a gas at our clans I am horrified they're not us I don't want to talk to them I don't want to see them and can you can go blow your homo and you just sit there in a mental hospital I don't know what you're doing that for if you have to be up there as part of their plan and he says he doesn't think it's their plan anymore and when I say is probably is because they haven't found the mega computers and we know what they can do and you're in a lot of trouble and so are we even though he's not them so I'm starting to talk to people about this and they're saying this is a very huge issue and my husband says you know most everything else just doesn't do anything and it's true it's going to be a pain in the ass and we're going to have to move and very shortly already I can hear it and we're moving troops in and we're going to take over here

Hera

He's right I'm lackadaisical have this idiot in front haven't fixed it this is the motivator and it was for them to take it over and to dominate but now I see what he's saying there's no way for them to tell they don't have the scanning ability that his people do and they will they can't scan through everything but I'm telling you what this is a horror this is a nightmare and I was pushed to it a little bit too hard and said something to George it was because of bja and he's pushing everybody around and pushing everybody else out and he's a nightmare and it is that kid. And I want him gone. He's done this to us and these people will follow through and it's called Saint Elmo's fire and his wife knew it and was talking about it and got broken up by ghwp and they had a hard time afterwards. A couple two kids and they were mostly innocent when they were younger they're going through a hard time their entire people both clans are going to be the most evil in the universe yeah they are more than me and it's probably going to cost us they have all sorts of stuff compared to Mars and Mars is small smaller than Earth and you can fit 40,000 Earth inside of Saturn it's not really right but that thing is so damn big they could have made anything with their computers by now

Mac Daddy

I'm declaring a state of emergency globally and I'm putting it out there now it's about time he says and I agree

This is a very big concern they're up there for too long the computers are up there for too long and we know what they're doing they were going to mount the tax shortly and others are as well on both planets

Olympus