#I have only done a “I can make you worse” romance with Astarion

[pepperpatrol]

You know, I expected the polyamory in BG3 to be just kind of cheaply tacked on at the end but Halsin, Shadowheart and Caoilhainn actually seem to have like...a real three way relationship?

Like, it's pretty clear Shadowheart is kind of into Halsin and Halsin has a lot of lines about how much he admires Shadowheart and wants her to come into her own self. Halsin's wandering and Shadowheart's vision of how she'd like to settle down after all is said and done also makes it really easy to Halsin to just be a regular third for them. The scene with the Drow twins if you get both of them in on it after sleeping with both of them is actually a really sweet(?) night of encouraging Shadowheart to come out of her shell and act out her fantasies.

Like, they didn't program in any special scenes with Halsin/Minthara and Astarion/Shadowheart in the context of them having their own relationship with each other when sharing Tav that I can see but it feels like they actually thought of what a healthy(ish) dynamic for the characters the are willing to have an add on to their relationship would be like.

[thechaoticdruid]

Something some people don't seem to get about Astarion is that he pretends not to care as a coping mechanism for guilt. He pretty much lies not only to us but also to himself. Probably hoping that if he says he doesn't care enough that the guilt will just vanish.

I honestly feel like these toxic coping habits also get turned up to eleven when he's ascended. So when you reject his offer to make you his spawn he deals with the pain by convincing himself that he didn't believe in love anyway.

Tav turns into a mind flayer and he can no longer bring himself to want to be with them. "Oh well they're disgusting so I don't care."

(I'd recently found out that if mind Flayer Tav peeks into A!Astarion's brain they find out he apparently still feels love so I guess he actually does feel the same way Spawn Astarion does about the situation. But of course AA is an ass about it.)

He can't turn Karlach so now he can't keep her with him forever. "It's not my fault it's yours!" *Proceeds to throw tantrum like a spoiled brat.*

Spawn Ending Astarion however learns to let himself be vulnerable and let it out since Tav actually makes him feel safe enough to do so.

So basically what I'm saying is Astarion is tsundere about his feelings if that makes sense. He keeps how he really feels guarded and insists he doesn't care when in actuality he does. And as THE VAMPIRE ASCENDANT these habits become even worse since he's done with the idea of being a good person entirely and just embraces his darkest impulses, but I doubt he can snuff out his humanity completely. He still comforts Tav if they end up bound to the incubus, he doesn't want Karlach to die and actually puts off his world-domination plans for her.

Anyway I think I made my point. I started this mostly because one of my guy friends who is also playing BG3 is convinced Astarion is 100% evil which isn't true. He definitely does evil things and is a selfish bastard but saying he's just evil isn't entirely accurate. (Granted this friend has yet to do an Astarion romance run so perhaps he's missing context.) Sorry if I might have got off topic or worded something strangely, but if you have anything to add to this comment below. 👇

[vemaro]

let’s not do anything hilarious

A link to the master post

Summary: Astarion Ancunin has two objectives whenever he comes to Baldur’s Gate. One: keep Tav happy. And two: keep Callum happy. As of right now, he is failing quite spectacularly at both. Callum vanished under his watch and his mother is in a state of panic. It’s been years since she’s worn that wrecked expression and he never wishes to see it again. The only way to fix that is to locate the boy and bring him to her as quickly as possible.

Pairing: Astarion x Tav (female Tav)

Word count: ~2200

Notes: I can’t seem to get myself to write the thing I want to write, the thing I keep telling myself I should write, so here we are again with a random tidbit. This time we get a little Gale time, featuring @necromosss’s Tav, Mira, stirring up some trouble. If you haven’t seen her art, go check out her blog. She turned me on to the Gale romance. I just hope I did Mira justice.

Enjoy!

…

This is the single most devastating moment of Tav’s life. Nothing could have prepared her physically or mentally for such an event. Her heart is pounding, her palms are clammy, and her skin is crawling with so much anxiety she could rip it from her body. Even then, that would pale in comparison to pain she feels a in her very soul.

“Oh my gods, where is he?” Her eyes meet Gale’s then Astarion’s respectively. “Where’s Callum?” When neither of the men provide an answer, only stare back with gobsmacked faces, she turns away to start searching. A hand touches her shoulder when she tries to move away and she flinches.

It’s only Gale, who lets go immediately. “Breathe, just breathe, Tav,” he says, keeping a calm and cool head.

She shakes her head. “I can’t.”

“Yes, you can.”

“Callum is missing. My son is missing.” Saying it out loud makes it feel worse. Tav clutches onto the fabric of her shirt above her frantic heart. “I should’ve been paying more attention to him. Or holding his hand. He’s so small, Gale. So small. What if someone took him?”

The wizard swats away the suggestion. “I’m sure he merely wandered off after spotting a sparkly bauble or colorful trinket.”

“But what if—”

He cuts her off. “We’ll find him.”

“But—”

He cuts her off a second time, firmly grabbing onto both of her shoulders. Her mouth snaps shut and she stares wide-eyed at her friend. “We will find him, Tav. But I implore you to take a deep breath.” Tav nods profusely inhaling through the nose and exhaling slowly through the mouth. Already some tension leaves her. “There. Much better.”

She takes another breath and at least now she can think straight. “Thank you.”

He smiles at her reassuringly. “Of course. I doubt he got very far. Why don’t you search the immediate vicinity? I shall search further up the road, and Astarion, you can—” It’s only now that they’ve both noticed their other companion is nowhere to be found. “Astarion?”

Curse that blasted vampire.

…

Astarion Ancunin has two objectives whenever he comes to Baldur’s Gate. One: keep Tav happy. And two: keep Callum happy. As of right now, he is failing quite spectacularly at both. Callum vanished under his watch and his mother is in a state of panic. It’s been years since she’s worn that wrecked expression and he never wishes to see it again. The only way to fix that is to locate the boy and bring him to her as quickly as possible.

Easier said than done.

He wasn’t at any of the stalls near where they were, nor inside any of the shops. It comes as no shock that no one noticed a small child with blue hair passing them by. If Astarion didn’t have to worry about accidentally exposing himself to the sun or drawing too much attention, this would be so much easier. Wave a dagger here, idle threats there and somebody would’ve seen something useful.

He makes a sharp turn down an alleyway when he spots a woman crouching in front of several stacks of barrels. She doesn’t notice him yet, her focus on something, or someone, hidden from his view. “Hello, little one. Are you lost?”

“Y-yes,” a small voice warbles.

He can’t physically see him, but he recognizes that voice. It’s Callum. Callum is over there, to his immense relief. Astarion’s first instinct is to shove the stranger aside, pick up the boy, and run like the hells, but it’s never that easy. This is Baldur’s Gate, the City of Blood, who knows if this woman has good intentions or bad. Astarion hangs back, sliding back behind the corner from which he came, a dagger at the ready, just in case.

He watches as she scoots a little closer. His hold on the hilt tightens. “Can you tell me your name?” she asks.

“No.”

The woman, a drow upon closer inspection, laughs at the timid yet blunt answer. “Smart boy.” Astarion wholeheartedly agrees. “I’m Mira. I’ll help you find your way home, alright?”

“I miss my Mama.”

She stands up and holds out a hand. “I know. We’ll find her together, promise.”

There’s a long pause as Callum thinks of what to do. “O-okay.” A tiny hand comes out from behind the barrels, latching onto her fingers.

She smiles down at him, hoping to coax him out of his hiding spot. “Okay.”

Astarion has no choice but to step in before they can leave. Thankfully for him, the alley is steeped in shadows, so if things get out of hand, at the very least he can close the umbrella in favor of fighting. Astarion clears his throat and slowly walks their way. “Thank you, but that won’t be necessary. He’s coming with me.”

The drow jumps, startled by his sudden appearance. “Stay there,” she whispers. She lets go of his hand, guides him back behind the barrels, and turns to face Astarion. She eyes him up and down. “Can I help you, sir?”

He puts on a charming grin and holds up his hand to show he’s not holding a weapon (it’s up his sleeve). “Ah, but you already did. You found my friend for me. Thank you for your services, but they are no longer needed. Good day.” He motions for her to leave.

She takes a defiant step back, closer to Callum. “Are you his father?”

Astarion resists a grimace, because it’s a stupid question and he can’t say yes. “No,” he grinds out. “I’m a family friend.”

“How do I know you’re telling the truth?” she challenges.

They’re maybe five feet apart, staring each other down, silver glaring up at red. “You don’t,” he deadpans. He looks past her, toward those barrels. “Come out, little bird. It’s time to fly home.”

Out pops that head of blue hair, followed by puffy, red-rimmed eyes. “Asty?”

“The one and only.” His eyes flicker back and forth between the boy and the woman every few seconds. He doesn’t want either of them out of sight. “You had us all worried sick disappearing like that, especially your mother. She’s looking for you right now.”

At the mention of Tav, the little comes out of hiding entirely. The drow woman still stands guard, hand shifting towards a rapier sheathed at her hip. “Mama?” he chirps.

Astarion nods. “Yes. I’ll take you to her.”

A few things happen all at once. Callum tries running towards him, only to be prevented by her. Astarion reveals the dagger up his sleeve because it seems he’s going to have to do this the hard way. Next thing he knows, a strong gust of wind blows him back against a brick wall and then there is a sword being pressed to his throat. The mysterious woman knows magic. And he dropped the dagger when he hit the wall. Perfect. Can this get any worse?

Naturally, he has to make light of everything, if not for himself, but for Callum’s sake. “Let’s not do anything hilarious.”

She presses the blade ever closer, making the cool metal touch just below his Adam’s apple. “Shut it,” she hisses. “I’m not going to let you hurt him.”

She thinks he’s going to hurt Callum? The idea is so preposterous, he could laugh. He restrains himself from doing so because something tells him she won't share his sense of humor. “This is just one big misunderstanding, dear. Lower your weapon and I will gladly explain everything away.”

Her eyes narrow dangerously. “Do not take me for a fool.”

And yet she is a fool. “I would never dream of doing such a thing.”

“How about I just run a stake through your heart, vampire?” His smile drops as a crooked, snaggle-toothed smirk spreads across her face. “Better yet, I can toss you out in the sun over there.”

Well, shit. This is worse.

A gasp from the little boy turns both of their heads. He’s running away, running right past them, running as fast as his little legs can take him, with his arms extended out. “Mama!”

At the end of the alley stands Astarion’s beloved druid, looking regal under the light of the sun. And Gale’s there too, he supposes. “Callum!” She meets him halfway, deftly scoops him into her arms and squeezes him like her life depends on it. “I was so scared.” She cranes her neck to look him over. “What happened? Are you hurt?”

His voice waivers. “I saw a cat and I wanted to pet it, but-but it kept running away. Then I lost you.”

She closes her eyes and thinks of his warmth breath on her neck, his weight in her arms, his heart beating in his chest. “It’s okay.” He’s okay. He’s fine. “You’re not lost anymore. You found me.”

“I love you, Mama.”

Tav presses a kiss into his hair. “I love you, too.” She kisses him over and over again.

The tender moment is broken with an aggravated cough. “Ahem! Not to spoil this heartwarming reunion, but can someone please tell this madwoman to release me?”

The druid flushes with embarrassment. “Sorry,” she calls. She approaches the drow woman, though she still keeps a safe distance back. “Let him go. Please.”

She glares at her captee. “He’s a vampire!”

Gale tries to talk her down. “Ah, yes. We are well aware of this fact, Miss …” He trails off, gesturing for her to fill in the blank.

“Mira,” she says.

“Miss Mira.”

“Just Mira,” she corrects.

“Just Mira.” He slowly saunters over, placing a hand on Astarion’s shoulder. “He’s actually a very good friend of ours and we’d prefer it if you didn’t kill him.”

“He was going to drink from your son!”

The vampire scoffs. “No, I wasn’t!” He pauses. “And that’s not his son!” The thought of Gale and Tav, together, makes him physically ill.

“Hush,” they both snap.

Astarion begrudgingly obeys. There is still a fucking sword at his throat and apparently he’s the only one bothered by it.

This is going absolutely nowhere. Tav steps a little closer so she’s behind Gale but next to Astarion. “Miss—” The other woman opens her mouth, so Tav quickly corrects herself. “I mean, Mira. Mira. I appreciate you looking out for my son, I’ll never be able to properly thank you for that, but there’s no one I trust more with him than the man before you.” She grabs Astarion’s wrist. “Please, release him.”

Mira’s eyes start on Tav then Callum, flit over to Gale, and finally land on the vampire. They’re all staring at her, hope shining in their eyes and it’s too much for her to bear. “Fine,” she groans before sheathing the rapier and crossing her arms.

Astarion brushes off some imaginary dust from his shoulders. “Thank you. It was about time.”

“You’re welcome,” she sneers back.

Tav’s hand is touching his face, turning his head by the chin this way and that, checking for injuries. “Are you hurt?”

He shrugs, playing it of. “I’ll live.”

“Asty, I’ll make it all better.” Tav semi-reluctantly hands him over to Astarion, who readily accepts the boy. “I’ll give you a magic kiss like Mama gives me.” And he does, right on the cheek, and then Callum hugs him around the neck.

Astarion catches a glimpse of a beaming Tav over the boy’s shoulder and feels his heart melt with sentimentality. Gods below, he has gone soft over the years and these two are to blame. With a sigh, he pats the boy’s back. “Thank you, little bird. I think it’s working.”

So Callum’s fine. Astarion’s got him. Tav feels secure enough to turn her attention back to Mira. “Thank you for protecting my son. Please, let me give you something for your trouble.” She digs into her satchel and pulls out a small pouch heavy with gold coins. “Here. Take this.”

Mira stares at the pouch for a moment, but takes a step back. “It was no trouble at all. Keep your gold.”

The druid is a persistent one. “Then allow me to buy you a meal. Please. I do insist. Please.”

Mira is not immune to those big, doe eyes. She throws her hands up, resigning herself to her fate. “Sure. Why not?”

Tav’s face lights up. “Yes! Perfect. Thank you. I know this place not too far from here—”

“I’m sorry. You expect me to endure a meal sitting across from someone who just tried to kill me?”

Tav chuckles dryly. “I’ve done it.”

Astarion spins around. “What? When did you—” But then he stops mid sentence to cringe. “Oh … right …” She’s referring to the first time he fed on her. He was one gulp away from going too far. Tav passed out from the blood loss and he stayed up the rest of the night to make sure he hadn’t unintentionally killed her. The next morning she sucker punched him. It was very much warranted. “Have I told you how lovely you look in that color, darling?”

She rolls her eyes. “That’s what I thought.”

Mira leans over and stage whispers to Gale. “Um, so what’s the story behind that?”

He arches an eyebrow at the query. “To what are you referring to?”

She looks back over at the trio. Tav is fussing over both of her boys, repeatedly asking if they’re okay, they’re unharmed, they’re fine. Mira tilts her head in their direction. “Them.”

The wizard follows her gaze then sighs. “One lunch isn’t a sufficient amount of time to explain that … mess.”

“Is that so?” She clasps her hands behind her back and bites her lip. “Sounds like a good excuse to meet up again.”

Gale’s face burns bright red. “O-oh.” He starts fiddling with his coat, the buttons, the cuffs, anything to distract him from openly gaping at the beautiful woman currently speaking to him. “I-I wouldn’t be opposed to the idea.”

“It’s a date?”

He offers her a shy smile as a confirmation. “It’s a date.”

…

Thanks for reading!

[koalamuffin01]

Made For You- Chapter 1

Full Story Summary: Tav is a High Elf, Life Cleric of Corellon Larethian, from Baldur’s Gate, who was kidnapped by a mindflayer ship. Now she must save herself along with the other infected she meets along the way, one of which she feels an inexplicable tie to. What does Corellon have planned for her? What is the connection she feels with Astarion mean? Does he too feel this bond? Will she be able to save them all?

Chapter Summary: Tav awakes upon a ravaged beach and finds her way towards a handsome elf.

Ratings: Eventually, full story - E - Explicit(only suitable for adults) Chapter 1 - T - Teen and Up

Warnings: Chapter 1: Canon BG3 Typical Violence, Act I Spoilers Full Story: Violence, Abuse, PTSD, Nightmares, Astarion’s Backstory, Cazador, Terrible Parenting, Force Marriage, Assault, Sexual Assault, Domestic Violence, Sex, Eventual Smut, BG3 Spoilers, Probably More (Will Update With Each Chapter)

Word Count: 932

A/N: This is my retelling/head canon of how my original play through went with my Tav, Tav. Tav is a High Elf, Life Cleric of Corellon Larethian. Her backstory will remain a bit of a mystery for plot reasons but will eventually be revealed. She romanced Astarion. For posting schedule, I’m just going to try and post when chapters are ready. I already have the first two chapters done, so I will post them about a week apart. This is the first fan fiction I’ve ever written, so please be kind. Please let me know what you think in the comments. Thank you, bless.

The Pale Elf

The elf was the most beautiful man Tav had ever seen. Granted, she had not seen many, but his very essence seemed to reflect the sun that shined on him. He was simply radiant, and her heart skipped as she slowly made her way towards him as if guided by the divine. Nothing could stop her from approaching him, not her decorum, or teachings, and certainly not the half-elf who seemed to be wary of anyone who wasn’t them.

“Hurry, I’ve got one of those brain things cornered.” The elf gestured with his head towards a brush he was standing next to.“There, in the grass. You can kill it, can't you? Like you killed the others.”

Tav took a step forward. The elf drew closer. She just nodded, not trusting her voice around the man. “There, can you see it?” She put her hand on the pummel of her short sword and tried to peer around the bush to find the intellect devourer.

A mad dash of a wild boar who was hiding in the grass. Tav jump a little, put her hand on her chest, and let out the breath she had been holding only for it to be taken away when she felt the cold steel of a blade at her throat. She tried to run, but was swept from her feet to the ground by the elf.

“Shh. Not a sound. Not if you want to keep that darling neck of yours.” He looked up to where Shadowheart was standing. “And you - keep your distance. No need for this to get messy.”

“I need her alive - stow that blade or I'll show you just how messy things can get.”

Tav’s heart started pounding even harder in her chest. She didn’t particularly trust Shadowheart not to make the situation worse.

“Promises, promises. But I have other business, I'm afraid.” He turned his head back to Tav. “Now, I saw you on the ship, didn't I? Nod.” He said as one might to a child or someone they felt was intellectually inferior. Tav, terrified of doing anything that would cause the man to slit her throat, obediently nodded. “Splendid. And now you’re going to tell me exactly what you and those tentacled freaks did to me.”

“You’ve got it all wrong-” she started, finally finding her voice, but was cut off by the man.

“Don't lie to mel I-agh.” A shooting pain took over Tav’s mind. She felt the worm wriggling inside her brain connecting to the one inside the elf.

She was in a dark alley, late at night, peering at people who were talking, laughing, drinking outside what appeared to be a tavern, and was overwhelmed by a feeling of hunger.

As soon as it came, the vision and the pain inside her mind was gone. She was back on the beach in the man’s arms. “What was that? What's going on?”

“It's the mind flayer's worm - it connected us.”

He slowly released her, and she rolled away in order to stand and face him. “You're not one of them. They took you, just the same as me.”

Tav nodded and pleaded with her eyes for him to believe her. “And to think I was ready to decorate the ground with your innards. Apologies.” He stood up straight, put the dagger away, and then flashed her a charming smile.

How was she supposed to react to that? One minute he is threatening her life, the next he acts as if it can happen to anyone. Luckily she didn’t have to respond, he continued the conversation himself.

“Please, allow me to introduce myself. My name’s Astarion. I was in Baldur's Gate, when those beasts snatched me.”

“I’m Tav, and this is Shadowheart,” she gestured to the half-elf beside her, “we were both on the ship when it crashed. Well, actually, we were kind of the ones who made it crash.” She said with a small smile.

“My, my, you've been busy.” He put both of his arms on his lower back and leaned slightly towards her like he was wanting to hear some sordid gossip. “So do you know anything about these worms?”

“Yes. Unfortunately, they'll turn us into mind flayers.”

His arms and face fell. His eyes got as wide a saucers with what appeared to be both fear and sadness. “Turn us into - ha. Hahaha!” Astarion looked away and started cackling as if Tav had told him a funny joke. “Of course it’ll turn me into a monster. What else did I expect?” He said more to himself then them. “Although it hasn't happened yet.” He turned to Tav. “. If we can find an expert - someone that can control these things - there might still be time.”

“Control it? We need to get rid of it.”

“Well yes, of course. But first things first.”

Something pulled inside of Tav’s stomach. It felt as if someone or something was tying a string from her to Astarion. Tav had never felt anything like it, but knew she must listen to it. “You should travel with me. Our odds are better together. We’re going to look for a healer.”

“You know, I was ready to go this alone, but maybe sticking with the herd isn't such a bad idea. And you seem like a useful person to know. All right, I accept. Lead on.” He said with a little bow.

Tav turned to Shadowheart who gave her an incredulous look. Tav just shook her head and shrugged as if to say, “Even I don’t know.”

[bg3-npc]

Asexual Awareness Week and BG3

Below the cut is 1,000~ words of introspection on Astarion and sex repulsion. As an asexual person who's very sex averse, I surprisingly found myself relating to many of his struggles regarding sex and intimacy. This is less about Astarion being ace, and more about how his struggles with sex and romance mirror mine. That relation has lead me to this potential insight into his character. It's obviously extremely biased, which is why I put the word count first. I have a similar post about Wyll here. So if your interested in introspection that is probably more projection, I bring you this.

Astarion has been denied his autonomy for over 200 years. He’s amassed trauma from that, and a prominent portion of it is sexual. It’s this specific form of his trauma I will be working with.

For him, there are practically zero positive associations with regards to sex. He essentially uses it to survive, mainly because it’s all he knew in his time under Cazador. Nearly every sexual situation he encounters in game, he dissociates through it. Even when he enthusiastically consents, dissociation still happens. While sex is distressing in of itself, it is even more so when romance is factored in.

While love is great in theory, it would be a nightmare for Astarion personally. One of the reasons being sex is seen as inherent to romantic relationships. It’s an unspoken fact. Even people who know they’re not entitled to sex go into every romantic relationship expecting it. It’s one of the perks of having a romantic partner. Consistent access to a free source of mutual pleasure, consistent access to a body. He's actively trying to escape a situation where he has no autonomy, why would he want to enter a situation where you’re expected to forfeit it?

As you continue to develop a relationship with him, he's put in a dilemma. He’s been a sex object for so long, he doesn’t know how to be anything else. What do you do when the inherent expression of love is also an activity integral to your trauma? You can have sex without love, but no one loves without sex. What’s the point of pursuing love if you’d be constantly making yourself do something that distresses you? Aren’t relationships supposed to make you happy? Comfortable? Safe? What’s the point of them if they don’t? Falling in love while trying to actively escape captivity never even occurred to him as something that could happen.

If you respect his boundaries, Astarion refrains from having sex with you. If Halsin propositions you later in the game, Astarion asks if his lack of participation is a factor. He knows that besides all the other drawbacks to dating him, being denied sex is the biggest blow to romancing him. When you want to remove sex from the relationship, suddenly even the strictest monogamist will want to be non-monogamous. Your partner is the one sacrificing something after all. It’s them who doesn’t get to have sex with you. They’ll always be the one going without, you’re the one denying your partner something. It’s never seen as you sacrificing your autonomy for their pleasure. Denying someone sex in a romantic relationship is viewed as worse than traumatizing yourself for the sake of your partner’s sexual pleasure. You are the one expected to compromise. You’re supposed to be the one to forfeit your wants and well-being. What’s the point of loving someone if you can’t even fuck them?

If you find the drow twins after killing Cazador, Astarion eagerly wants to have that sexual experience. This time for himself. He is free from him captor, he has his autonomy back, and he wants to reclaim the pleasure of sex. I get that! Sex is (supposedly) wonderful! Attitudes towards it vary, but the consensus is everyone enjoys it. Not only can it allow you to connect with someone, but it can also allow you to connect with yourself. When done correctly, sex is a universal pleasure.

Until it isn’t.

You try to exposure yourself enough to it, change enough variables, hoping that there’s a secret to enjoying this act you just haven’t figured out. Yet every time, no matter how many things are different, at the end of it all it’s still sex. And it makes you sick. Your skin feels like it’s trying to crawl away from your muscle, you can feel disgust roiling through your veins, and suddenly, you’re aware of your own skeleton. You feel this revulsion to your bones. Yet you push through. You go through the motions, follow the steps. Even someone you trust entirely will touch you with erotic desire and your body reacts horribly. You try to make it good for your partner while you tolerate it…at best.

“What purpose do I have other than sex?” Is one of Astarion’s main struggles throughout the game. He feels sex is all he has to offer, yet it’s a continual source of pain for him. He can discuss it, describe it, theorize and philosophize it, but the actual act distresses him. The “universal pleasure” does nothing for him but harm. Romance only compounds this issue. If the only thing he has to offer hurts him, then what’s the point of romancing him? “What is the point of being with me if you can’t fuck me?”

These are all issues constantly on your mind when you’re sex repulsed. While his problems with sex stem from trauma, they still mirror my own. I will probably never be able to enjoy sex, but he might. He can work through his issues and learn to enjoy it again. However, another recovery option coud be opting out of sex altogether.

Realizing and accepting it’s not something he wants or enjoys, and having a partner who respects would be life changing for him. I know it would be for me. Because there's never someone who views you as a whole. Never someone who looks at you and doesn’t see anything missing. There’s never someone who’s content with what you’re able to give. There’s never someone that sees a relationship with you as complete. Never someone who goes “You’re not lacking anything. You’re giving what you can. Relationships are continuous agreements of consent, not entitlement to autonomy.”

Sex repulsion has an odd way of objectifying you, similar to how Astarion has been. When you try to remove yourself from sex, it becomes the sole focus of you. Whether it’s because you’ve only ever been a sex object, or because you don’t want to partake in it. Every rejection and failed compromise continues to reinforce how vital sex is to everyone. Everyone, except you.

[maithefluffychicken]

Omw to work, so while in train I'm gonna write my romance hc for our beloved vampire spawn, Astarion Ancunin, husband material.

- It's all fun and do-not-catch-feelings sexy encounters at first. He's quite rude once he has done the deed and he shows no signs of affection towards Tav. We all know this, right?

- Astarion actually falls hard and fast in love the moment Tav treats him like a person, but fuck if he's going to allow himself show it to them.

- He's the last one to fall asleep at the camp, looking at Tav from his opposite side of the fire and wondering where the other shoe will fall, if Tav is just as good as they seem to be or if they're just using him.

- Fake it until you make it, it's Astarion's motto. After 200 years of slavery and forced debauchery, Astarion is good at faking his interest in someone. Sadly, he doesn't know how to fake that he is not interested in someone instead, never has to do that, so he tries hard to not show to Tav that his feelings have developed into something else. He does everything to maintain his charming, nonchalant devil-may-care demeanour.

- Astarion is convinced Tav is going to leave him behind, or worse, betray him. The question is not if but when Tav will do it.

- After Moonrise Tower: Astarion accepts not only his feelings towards Tav, but he accepts Tav's feelings for him.

- Astarion develops his own love language, and no matter how good he is with words and flattery, his love language is touch (non-sexual) and quality time. Small tokens of affection that allow Tav knows that the vampire wants this: he likes to curl his little finger around Tav's whenever he can. Feather light caresses.

- Even after all, he loves to be the big spoon, he noses Tav's pulse and inhales, holding them tightly. From the outsiders can seem possessive, but Tav knows it's protectiveness. Astarion needs to know Tav is safe.

- Astarion do enjoy kisses, but it overwhelms him. The moment Tav shows him that they can kiss without needing to move things forward, Astarion let's himself truly enjoy it.

- From time to time, Astarion still stays awake thinking that Tav will someday break up with him for not wanting to have sex. Those nights he squirms and leaves their shared bedroll just to come back later and demands to be the little spoon.

- Post Cazador quest (not ascended Astarion): Astarion wants to have sex again, with Tav, and he tries and success. But after that, sometimes he still dissociates during sex and/or drops. If Tav stops, Astarion will feel like a failure and once again the fear creeps in, it takes him some time to accept and allow Tav to take care of him and to believe that it's ok.

- He's the most devoted husband Tav ever could ask for.

Those are some of my hc about Astarion in a relationship with Tav. Dealing with sex related trauma it's not easy, it's not easy intimacy, but fuck, I do love to believe that Tav will stay with Astarion because my poor little vampire babygirl deserves to be loved unconditonally (we all deserve that).

[sky-kiss]

Okay, your OC is a love interest, what does their first romance cutscene look like?

A/N: Sassy, this is such an amazing question. I hope it’s alright that I did it for my three main idiots (I have another, but he’s just an old man for Jaheira lol). 

Scrungus: (Cowboy lizard)

Being an Oath of Redemption paladin, Scrungus isn’t overly romantic. He’s very kind, but he’s more focused on the wellbeing of the group. The incident with the goblins leaves him a little down, so he’s melancholy post party. The PC has to seek him out. He gives you a little smile, tips his head. If you offer him wine, he politely declines. 

“Had to be done. Couldn’t have ‘em running along the coast, know that. Still…ain’t sitting right. Coulda done more. Shoulda, I reckon.” 

If you mention you would have liked to dance at the party: “Would have been good to see…ain’t much point killin’ if you’re not enjoy living.” 

If you ask him if he knows how to dance, or would have danced with you, he gives you a little grin. Yeah, he picked it up somewhere along the line. In a little village, years back, after a fight just like this. Used to be pretty good. But don’t hold him to it. He’d hate to step on your toes. 

If you point out that the goblins and the Absolute left you no choice: 

He agrees, but finds it unfortunate. Worse folks have turned their back on evil. 

If you go to hold his hand, he chuckles and moves it away. 

No offense meant, but he’s got one responsibility. Gotta see you through the city. No use muddling things. 

You spend the night talking about your past, his, maybe he tells you a story about some absurd devil or demon he talked round to redemption. It’s ridiculous. He lets the PC lean against his shoulder and doesn’t move them when they doze off against his chest. 

Evoi: (Evil, evil, evil AU!Joi; it’s early, and she’s…untempered) 

Goblin-party only. She’s turned on by the stink of carnage and the way you looked while slaughtering the Grove. She makes this very evident, very early into the party, sidling up to the PC, nosing their throat. 

Blood-slick, hunter-kin—soak in carnage, baptize her in your sweet cries. 

She’s going to fuck you. Consent is optional, sorry. Will lick every drop of blood off your character. It’s a lot of kissing and biting. Going to absolutely devour/go down on the PC. You’re her pet now (and she’s obsessive, crazy, generally the worst). 

Joi: (Amnesia Girl)

Joi still has no idea what’s going on or who she is at this point. The scene will have more variance compared to the above, based largely on player input. Most of  her reactions are going to be emulating the PC’s drive. I.e if you’re interested in talking, she’ll be softer and happily talk, but consistently direct the conversation away from her. If the PC is more forward and wants sex, she’ll fall back into that role. 

Is likely very similar to Astarion in that she’s unsure she wants to have sex at that point, but it feels natural, normal, and a way to like…establish rapport. And since she has nothing personal to offer, why not sex? It’s the best she can do. 

If the PC opts to take things more slowly, she’s comforted. Wants to hold the PC’s hand or sit in their lap/beside them. She’s naturally very physical, and the slow!route still reflects that. If the PC asks whether she enjoyed the party, Joi is puzzled and admits that she doesn’t know. Saving the tieflings felt strange, almost wrong, but she likes it. 

Platonic/Slowburn route: Joi asks your PC to tell her about their life, stroking their hair. She thanks the PC for sharing and kisses them. 

Sex route: Joi is enthusiastic, but distant. Leads the encounter, focused on pleasuring PC. The morning after, she is more conflicted and admits she did not sleep well.

[galedekarios]

Do you think it's foolish to think that in the "and more!" we get a Gale fix for his kiss too? Or idk maybe a fix for Wyll's Act 3 romance scene not even popping up? Been wanting to finish the game, my 1st character romanced Gale and I am dead afraid to finish Act 3 with her in case the ending could be bugged with him too... and it makes me miss something.

Then I made a cleric to romace Wyll and he is bugged in Act 3 too...

I feel so let down by Larian at this point... I had a completely new window open with guides (so I won’t miss anything, and as a first time d&d type of gamer, I seriously still need the help with spells n such) and just closed all of them at this point today... I am so mad at them for treating every other companion so much worse than their lil babygirl Astarion (derogatory)...

i don't want to be a downer, anon. i really don't. but honestly? at this point, i'd just not expect much - or anything at all. and if i'm wrong, this way, we all can be pleasantly surprised. i know i would be.

but to be frank... i have been trying to give larian the benefit of the doubt for three years now. the entirety of ea my thought process had been that they need the feedback they asked for and time to refine the game after they take in the prob endless amounts of ideas and critiques that people had, that they have learned a lot of things from their mistakes of dos2 and strive to not repeat them, that they have their own statistics and numbers, which they must be using...

...only for the game to turn out the way it is now.

(and i do want to stress that despite it all - despite many, many, many criticism - i do adore aspects of it over any other game. i feel like i'm obligated to point that out whenever i'm being negative or critical.

it's my favourite game because it has my favourite ocs, my friends' ocs, and gale, who has become my favourite character across media, and some of the stories / arcs contained within it are beautifully done.)

[blackbirdswhispers]

It is time for a mostly done with Act 2 Astarion ramble. Spoilers, discussion of trauma, and general too much thinkery ahead

So I ended up redoing a chunk of Act 2 specifically so I could turn down the drow and get the alternate dialogue for Astarion’s romance scene. I’ve seen both cutscenes ahead of time. Games with this many choices and so many things that can be missed give me mad anxiety, I just plan my route ahead of time to remove the stress of missing specific moments I want to see.

I’ve seen it said that some people strongly prefer one course of action over the other, and of course there is a lot to dig into in the first real steps Astarion takes to be more genuine with Tav. Personally, the drow related dialogue for me hits well because it isn’t just him rambling at Tav again.

He’s nervous in both scenes, but in the non-drow conversation he’s particularly unsettled. He’s working through what he has to say but it comes off to me as he’s been overthinking for so long he just had to spit it out.

Full disclosure I think both sets of dialogue are peak writing, truth be told. I have a fondness for each of them for different reasons. But it’s the clarity with which Astarion thanks Tav for standing up for him that really gets me. There’s a little bit of awe in it, which I think is what makes Astarion so afraid still.

How do you really admire someone but not become beholden to them? He, who has had no one to admire in two centuries, fell in with a group of people who are all beholden to gods and devils and ideals. And they’ve, most of them, been betrayed already or are in the process of being wounded by those very bonds.

I haven’t played with Minthara but, obviously she’s been trapped by the Absolute. I think Halsin is the only one Astarion might see as truly free from the shackles that hold everyone else.

I also think it’s why he shows so much dislike when Tav is quick to do the good thing selflessly. The lack of self preservation! What if you get tangled up in some horrible trap! What if you piss off the wrong bad guy!

And we all know the Bad Guys are much, much worse than the Good Guys can ever counter. Who in 200 years was Good enough to help him? Who in 200 years even touched an evil so great as Cazador?

But here comes Tav, doing good (depending on the playthrough, but accurate enough for mine) and surmounting a curse laid on a land for a century. Even at this point where we haven’t made it all the way to the end of Act 2, we’re really doing it.

And for my Tav (Zane), he’s been helping the companions break free of their bonds through it all. Encouraged Wyll to try and get out of his pact. Scolded Gale for thinking of following Mystra’s plan. Stood by Lae’zel as her goddess outcast her. Implored Shadowheart to really think about following through with Shar’s murderous request. Sought out the metal to help Karlach to boot, with her ‘master’ yet to be handled.

Their futures already on a knife’s edge with mindflayer tadpoles buried in their brains, yet Zane’s out here quietly demanding they talk on personal growth as well as worldly peril. And isn’t that just life for you?

Sooo yeah, why *wouldn’t* Astarion be terrified to find himself catching feelings for someone like that? At first it would have seemed the safest option, bait the bleeding heart to bleed for you. For you alone if you could manage to captivate them well enough.

And bleed they do. Bleed right into your mouth each and every evening just to keep you Happy.

But they keep bleeding for everyone else too. They aren’t afraid to ask for help. They cheerfully stroll up to Shadowheart every morning, shamelessly asking to be restored after you’ve taken a chunk out of them, again. Everyone knows it’s happening! It should feel like you’re the one keeping them! But does it?

They keep taking requests for everyone they meet. They drag you out and about for far far too long each day, making you party to their endless favors.

One night they come to you, bruises all over them, their eyes shadowed because they were literally beat to death in a fight, spared by Shadowheart because you were on the other side of the room handling some other Absolute minion. They come to you in such a state, and offer again to bleed for you. What a freak, how can you not feel for them?

And then you get to this drow, and they’re another person asking for a favor. Another person wanting something. Sure this time it’s specifically from you but, it’s not even a hard task, from the outside. You’re a vampire, biting other creatures is literally what you do. And she wants it for a boon to the party.

Surely they’re going to try to convince you. It’s not even a task you have to fetch anything for! You’re standing right there with them! And when they express their surprise to you, of course you get defensive and brace yourself for the worst!

Part of you starts to crack a little as the Good lays it’s oppressive hands on you. Of course this is how it’s going to go. When has it ever gone differently. There are ideals to uphold. Tasks to help with.

Then you look them in their eyes, and they’re looking right back, careful and a little sad, watching as you prepare to put up a fight or give in to despair. And they’re speaking and….genuinely mean it when they tell you it’s your decision. To do what *you* want.

They subvert all your concepts of Good. They don’t call you selfish, they don’t even push back at all. They just support your decision. They don’t make you do the one thing vampires do best. They don’t hold it over your head. They just, let you make your decision and carry on with the rest of their life.

Oh gods you were going to obey them if they ordered you to do it. You would have, but why? Your natural order is to be under someone’s thumb, but the whole intention was for you to have them under yours. You slipped into your place without a second thought, even while panicking about getting stuck back there again.

For me, the romance conversation happened the same night. My next long rest Astarion was immediately pulling Zane over to thank him. To thank him!

Not the through gritted teeth thanks for helping him fulfill his deal for Raphael. Astarion genuinely desired to express gratitude. He still gives some background as to why he’s making such a show of it, but it feels less hurried and anxious. Or at least it did to me.

Anyway this is another hot mess post by 2am me so it’s time to sleep. I will not be reading over this before I post so sorry for the absolute stream of consciousness, or near unconsciousness as it were.

Good night

[luxwing]

For the Astarion query you had and will not say any spoilers/will be normal lol.

My first time playing I missed a few companions so less choice. He's hard to miss so anyone in the same boat as me would have had more time with him. Some you can almost miss till end of act 1 so again you'd end up with him for more.

Everyone that I did get for act 1 till maybe a little into act 2 was on the same level of fuckable for me (in that I wasn't too bothered as actually went into the game not knowing the romance was that well developed)

The most romanced characters are Shadowheart, Lae'zel and Karlach. So a lot of people agree with you. I would argue its more that Astarion ticks the right boxes for the people that create stuff for tumblr and tiktok and also has a lot of content/a lot of content that is easily quotable. Then because of algorithms etc the hype train kicked off.

My hope is that it doesn't end up going the other way and he doesn't end up getting hate because of counter culture or whatever. He is a very good character, as they all are and his story is also very moving. Again without spoilers, at release there were some people grateful that they could connect with his story and felt they hadn't seen it, as it is in the game, in media before.

Astarion slowly made his way up that list for me for the following reasons

Funny

Interesting backstory that gets more we will say interesting as the acts go on

Backstory has moments of oh fuck I get that trauma

He has the ability to change either way possibly the most

He literally has the most hours of dialogue etc and a bunch of romance scenes when some characters sadly don't

Now I have done more times through the game, personally I think they all have pretty good character development and are all very fuckable as yous say.

If you held a gun to my head and made me pick 1 I would pick karlach, gale and astarion in no set order and take the bullet. But honestly the others are really pretty much just as good to me.

Now the hype is dying down I feel like a lot of convos have been moving onto other characters including wanting to fuck NPCs.

I've gotten far enough not that my character did spend a night with Astarion and it's opened up some more information about his backstory, so I'm starting to see what draws a lot of people toward him. Also, someone mentioned this on my other post, but yeah Neil Newbon's performance does so much heavy lifting that you can't help but find him a bit charming.

And God I forgot this game has three acts my ass is just now almost finished with everything in act one I'm only level 5 after nearly thirty hours oh my god

But I guess one reason people might not be fans of Astarion (not just because they're tired of the fanmedia saturation mind you) is because of his approvals. He gains approval from you being mean or snarky and from some displays of cruelty, so that might be a quick turn off for people. Ive bypassed this by leaving him at camp whenever I wanna be nice along with the other "kindness is cringe" people.

But yeah, he's a well written character, I'll agree to that. Honestly, all the party members seem really multifaceted whether for better or worse, and I actually like that a lot. I do wish Shadowheart and Lae'zel would stop trying to kill each other and make out already, tho.

Tbh I haven't seen anyone 'hate' on Astarion. Joke about him, sure, but i think I've seen way more people shit on Shadowheart than on him. Which, that's a whole nuther discussion to be had in itself, but yeah idk.

God I still have so much of the game left to do what the fuck

[grapecaseschoices]

But I'm glad you're having such a fine time, who is your tav going for?

I do have some problems with the game, but overall it's fun to play. Probably wyll or laezel. Initially I was gonna go for shadowheart bcs I really liked her character design and my tav also hs that similar kind of dry sarcastic sense of humour. But after having her for a while in my party, she got on my nerves real quick. I tried out some races and she almost always had something to say about it. Im not thst far into it and I like astarion but the fact that he can leave ur party if ur character kicks him in the nuts sent me and now I can't take him seriously. I think my tav enjoys messing around with him. I just keep throwing spells at him and reviving him and he hasn't left yet so he's a trooper. 😂

I was playing as a tiefling originally but they kept having stuff to say about them being a tiefling and it got kinda annoying so I changed it to something else. /lh 💀

Playing as a Sorcerer is so much fun I can just make shit explode. Idk how to use astarion though, I just make him throw arrows and hide, he doesn't really do much in fights, but he's funny so I keep him around. I might get rid of shadowheart, but she's also a cleric and provides good heals so idk. She's so fine but she's really got a poll stuck up her ass so idk. Some of the remarks she makes about certain races and some of her actions towards a certain character because they are that race (don't wanna spoil it) just kind of put me off especially with her being white. I'm aware it's fantasy and stuff and I haven't finished the story, but anyways we'll see, maybe she'll get better. 😅

Wyll is my fave so far, he's super underrated!! I do wish there were more romance options of color though. I think so far I've only met one which is Wyll. 😭😭

sorry for the late response! i have not been my best the past weekend!

I do have some problems with the game, but overall it's fun to play.

Me a salty, hater: Feel free to share~~

. I tried out some races and she almost always had something to say about it. Im not thst far into it and I like astarion but the fact that he can leave ur party if ur character kicks him in the nuts sent me and now I can't take him seriously.

DOES SHE?? I have done an half-orc but she hasn't said anything?? Unless I wasn't paying attention. Who does she say shit for? I know Giths for sure, and I imagine drows. Also ROFLMAO. I mean TBF TO HIM! hahaha

I was playing as a tiefling originally but they kept having stuff to say about them being a tiefling and it got kinda annoying so I changed it to something else. /lh 💀

omgoodness. the druids right? omg so like i have a druid tief and i thought it might be like double the fun bc of the grove, but whew. literally every breath like: WOW YOU DEVIL YOURE SO EDUCATED FOR A A DEVIL. WOW HAHA DEVIL. it's like dude. 1. not a devil 2. heard the joke the first three times, ain't yall tired? so far proving to be worse for my half-drow but havent made it far.

Idk how to use astarion though, I just make him throw arrows and hide, he doesn't really do much in fights, but he's funny so I keep him around. I might get rid of shadowheart, but she's also a cleric and provides good heals so idk. She's so fine but she's really got a poll stuck up her ass so idk. Some of the remarks she makes about certain races and some of her actions towards a certain character because they are that race (don't wanna spoil it) just kind of put me off especially with her being white. I'm aware it's fantasy and stuff and I haven't finished the story, but anyways we'll see, maybe she'll get better. 😅

i mean he's good for picking locks. that was actually his sole purpose for me for the longest. then is tarted respecing him/multiclasing him thus he became my lock picker AND my arrow man in certain PTs. or my arrow man/shadow man. i am sure i dont use that to the full potential bc i am such a newb but wte. so you're not alone.

lmao i mean if you get a paladin or a druid or you multiclass someone else ... but honestly i havent really dealt with her racism outside of lae'zel -- which i do admit really annoys me. lmao. i remember i had a PT where it was lae'zel that saved her but she gave all the credit to astarion and im like ....... is this a glitch or is she just that ... bad re: giths. and nah, it's still annoying. the fantasy racism.

also i feel i under use my sorcerers bc im still figuring out the meta magic stuff but i do like them. are you wild magic then? both mine [i ended up respecing my durge to multiclass paladin and sorcerer] are dragon ancestory bc everyone and the mom says its best and also bc im a sucker for that shit.

Wyll is my fave so far, he's super underrated!! I do wish there were more romance options of color though. I think so far I've only met one which is Wyll. 😭😭

He is LITERALLY the only one. I know people wnat to include Karlach bc of what Larian did with her features [some people said she was modled after Gemma Chan] but I do not, because her voice actress is white. IDC. She is white. She a white woman who got surgery. Blame Z----l, if it makes yall feel better. She got a fetish or something. But Karlach is WHITE.

But Wyll is. [You know why. But also because Larian gives him so little but ... YOU KNOW WHY.]

It is one of my many issues with the game.

[chronoxtreme]

The Cage: Chapter 20 Author's Notes

So you know how last time I said Astarion would really go through it? Lmao

One of the most fascinating parts of Astarion's character is that he has a... shocking lack of empathy sometimes. When I replayed the conversation you get in the Act 3 interlude before reaching the city, I was kinda stunned when Nanne went "You sound like you're jealous of Cazador" and he goes "Oh yes, absolutely! The only problem with what he did was that he did it to me!" Which is like... it would be hilarious if not for the fact that this is what his abuse has taught him. I won't really go into it now, because that'll be for the next chapter, but it was definitely a moment I wanted to capture, and I'm glad I replayed that convo instead of just winging it.

Astarion's nightmare in this chapter is the very first I ever wrote for him. Don't worry, if you're sick of his nightmares, he only gets one more, so you're almost done! But this one I really wanted to emphasize just how wonky dream logic can be. The instant teleportation to places, the weird sensory things you experience, how Nanne in real life wouldn't behave nearly as innocent and childlike as they do here. But this is how Astarion perceives them: as a wholly pure figure that needs to be shielded and protected from monsters. He puts them up on a pedestal.

The feelings are also complicated, because Astarion's role is complicated. He's clearly a victim of Cazador's machinations, but he's also the one who lures these people to their deaths. How do you resolve that cognitive dissonance in your head? The fact that technically, you don't have a choice in killing someone, but you get to pick who gets to live and who gets to die? The fact that you're being used by these people, consumed as an object, but at the same time leading them to be consumed by someone else and ultimately killed? No wonder this man actively avoids any attempt to empathize with anyone. It's easier that way.

Nanne's involvement only makes it worse. They are living proof that people like Sebastian had futures, and Astarion "sold them out" (read: was abused and forced into an insanely difficult position where he is both victim and perpetrator) for breadcrumbs. The fact that he's pressed and coerced into using himself for so little is mind shatteringly awful. His reward for using his body and leading someone to their death is a rat. That's it. That's all. A rat. That's all Nanne's life is worth to people like Cazador. That's all it was worth to him, and realizing just how far he's come horrifies him immensely. Is it another reason why he clings to the ritual as his chance to "make it all go away?" Absolutely.

And then Nanne eats the Astral Tadpole.

So, this was something else I decided on from the beginning. First, because it's a choice that I feel a lot of players make for the gameplay advantages and not for RP, and second because more drama and angst lmao. More seriously speaking, I find becoming half-illithid absolutely fascinating in the context of romancing Astarion and persuading him to remain a spawn because on the surface, it's VERY hypocritical (which is part of the reason why Astarion is so furious about it). No, Astarion, you're not allowed to make a deal with the devil, but I'm allowed to eat this weird worm the Emperor gave me that gives me super powers!

Nanne realizes this, and that's why they're so ashamed. They've done the very thing they don't want Astarion to do, and it wasn't even solely to save him, it was as an emergency stopgap solution to being wounded. The road to hell is paved with good intentions, and while we know that eventually the Astral Tadpole will die and Nanne will go back to "normal", they don't. This could be a permanent physical change, but they're so desperate they don't care. That's the main difference between Astarion's mindset when it comes to the ritual and Nanne's mindset eating the tadpole: Astarion is so desperate to be powerful and untouchable that he completely ignores all of the bright neon warning signs telling him that this ritual is bad news. But Nanne is so desperate that they're willing to live with the consequences if it means they get a solution now.

And don't worry, there will be consequences.

However, with that grim note, don't worry - Astarion will not seethe about Nanne's choice for long, and the next chapter has some comedy moments because Astarion's fave sibling (/s) is about to show up.

[haldenlith]

M, N, S?

You managed to pick all the long form options for me, so this is going to be a little bit of a long answer-post. lol

M: Name a character that you’d like to have for a friend.

Despite having my now three fandom sons that I adore (Zevran, Crow, and now Astarion), this is actually tough, since each of those three men have their own respective problems that I'm not sure I'd put up with in real life if I knew men like them. Such is the catch of liking morally grey characters (well, minus Crow I guess).

I suppose I could choose from outside of that pool, but oh there's so many options to sift through... I'm tempted to say Isabela from Dragon Age 2, but I feel like, unless we're good friends, she'd sell me out for a goddamn klondike bar. Though, the inverse is that she'd sell everyone else out for me, because she seemed very much a "ride or die" friend once she's actually on your side.

I guess I'll just say Crow. He's the safest option, since I feel like his issues are much easier to deal with when he's plucked out of the D2 universe. He's still hella reckless trouble, but at least I would know he'd always have my back, and I wouldn't have to worry about getting a "hey I murdered someone... maybe a lot of someones" phone call. (*stares at Astarion, Zevran, and Isabela...*)

N: Name three things you wish you saw more or in your main fandom (or a fandom of choice).

I'm going to go for "in general" rather than specifics since, thinking about it, these could apply to all the things I've dipped my toes into.

Heteroplatonic relationships. Men and women can co-exist in a friendly manner. There doesn't always have to be a romance. This is honestly aimed at writers of media and not at the fandoms (because in fandom, you can do whatever the fuck you want, you're writing for yourself). For example, I was watching Across the Spiderverse with a friend and, even though we both knew why they're a thing, we just kinda went "you know, Miles and Gwen could just be friends... do we really have to have a romantic subplot here?" (This said, it is a little exhausting in fandom to constantly see that two characters can't exist in a space without being IN WUUUUUV. *stares wearily at the Heartsteel fandom* ... Yeah, as someone that imagines the boys as all just being found-family-friends, I'm not going over there. There is nothing for me there.)

Now this one IS a fandom one: BE FUCKING NORMAL. It is so tiring seeing people harassing other people over absolutely stupid and trivial shit. It is even worse when the fandom turns that brand of crazy on the people behind the media (*motions to people being weird to Neil Newbon, for example*). I know this is a tall ask that will never come to be, but... it's why I live in the walls and don't really interact with much.

Of course, when I'm put on the spot, I can't think of things. Um, scraping my brain for a third item... I guess I'd like to see LESS reducing characters to being "uwu softboy"? (I don't know if women characters get this very often, since I mostly only interact with men character fandoms and when I do read stuff with chicks, I generally don't see this.) It is a bit... tiring. Like, again, you can write whatever you want, but I feel like... if you need to sand the edges off of a character and change them to like them, did you really ever actually like that character? Or did you just like the idea of the character? I feel like, at that point, just make an OC based on them. You've basically done most of the steps to get there.

That's all I can think of at the moment.

S: Show us an example of your personal headcanon (prompts optional but encouraged)

Hmm, I have so many. I'll stick with D2, since you're more of a D2 moot.

A short one: I headcanon, gear wise, that Crow uses the Celestial Nighthawk helm with the Hrafnagud ornament (because it is mentioned that he does sometimes wear a helmet), and uses the Ashen Wings ornament on Hawkmoon. A trivial little headcanon, but there it is. A long(er) one: I guess this isn't entirely a headcanon, since I feel like it's been mostly confirmed in lore, given the frequency of characters going out beyond The Walls and ending up in towns, but I like to think there are many settlements beyond The Walls of The Last City, and I like to think that given enough time and being left alone long enough, the lingering spectre of The Concordat could capitalize on those wayward towns, left to defend themselves largely by themselves (with the exception of getting some help from a passing Hunter or two). It's just too unlike humanity to all agree to hang out in one spot. We aren't like that. We are all too prone to saying, "Fuck you, I'll take my chances forging my own path". Going along with that headcanon, in a tangential sort of commentary note: I do think, if it weren't for all the fuckery going on (the Traveler peacing out off of Earth and going into orbit, for example), keeping people's minds preoccupied, we'd genuinely have a situation of The Vanguard vs Everyone Else, because it seems to me like a lot of humanity isn't too keen on the Guardians anymore. Again, with the idea of the settlements, I imagine they especially aren't keen on them, since they could be made up of people exiled from The Last City, and people who feel left behind. Hell, we saw the sentiment in Season of the Splicer. Lakshmi wouldn't have been able to drum up that much support if it weren't for people feeling that way just a little bit. Actually, going back even further, we see that sentiment with Suraya prior to her joining up.

I guess, thinking about it, you could say my headcanon is that the real situation in the D2 Universe is that while The Vanguard and the Guardians are fighting for humanity, a pretty decent chunk of humanity has zero interest in fighting for them. Does this count as a headcanon? I don't know.

On a rambly OC sidenote: that was the entire idea behind the AU of Ardwynn being all "king of thieves bandit" living outside of The Last City, because he's such a hero "I want to help people" kind of guy. He'd look at everyone living outside and at The Last City, and at what Guardians are, and aren't, doing, and would decide to find a way to help people. Honestly, if it wasn't for Shaxx hanging out in The Tower, helping the Vanguard, Ardwynn probably would throw his lot in with The Concordat.

[zesstra-dnd]

No, I want to know why they just decided not to go into Astarions backstory more showing how he was when he was alive and how he was the sort of person who'd of probably sold Karlach and be smug about it. Instead we get a bunch of oo feel sorry for mee.. Even with the other spawn. They go through the same fucking shit but the games like ooh but Astarion look at his pretentious face isn't it soo innocent. I'm sorry people saying ooh he only supports you been evil/selfish because of his abuse but I'd say a lot of that is more from his life as a magister with only a bit from the abuse.

Then we've got his racism which is especially worse if you're playing a gnome because to him you're a creature who doesn't deserve to live.

Larian missed out on a lot of shit but now I'm stuck watching this guy be portrayed as some soft innocent little boy who is only mean because of his abuse like sorry no he wasn't innocent, there was a reason the gurr had every right to kill him, chances are With Astorians ego the vampires he was selling "criminals" got sick of his overconfidence and I can guarantee he tried to Threaten them thinking he had more. Power, basically something similar to the gross way he behaves if he ascends where he thinks he's stronger than he is telling tav to get in thier knees, saying that they are waiting for his command, it's weird and gross and if be killing him immediately though kicking him in the dick is hilarious

Sorry but Larian wasn't that good with dialogue choices. So much so that they had to patch in choices that made more sense than the ones we got even so. It's still not completely done.

LARIAN jsut let us have some evil guy who did fucked up shit in his past maybe he gets a cutscene where he's thinking about what happened to all those innocent people he sentenced/sold and feeling bad about it.

Also a cutscene of ascended Astarion getting the shit kicked out of him by other companios. And getting told to get his ego under control because he is nowhere as strong as he thinks he is because there is no way they would all just stand there and do nothing

He gets sooo much fucking reactions and screen time but poor Wyll barely gets any even where it would make sense as others take other any he might have also Halsin needs a complete rewrite most of them do with starting the romances because tell me why Minthera the evil lady is the most chill. About been rejected

[dragonswithjetpacks]

Pretty Thoughts

Chapter Five: His Lies, Her Resentment

-dragonswithjetpacks

Notes: Bite scene! Woo! This turned out way fluffier than I imagined. But I like it. I almost wanted to make this it's own separate thing. Enjoy my confused babes trying to sort through their angry thirsty feelings for each other.

Read here on Ao3.

The worm twisted. And turned. It fed on thoughts, memories, ones that held no happiness in her head. A dark creature in the wood. A dead animal. A hand full of blood. A paper with black scratches across it. She turned as every single image flashed by. Sleep was not coming. And there was no voice to steady her muttering thoughts. A creeping feeling spread from the base of her neck into her skull. She opened her eyes, feeling the urge to roll over. She turned, meeting the red eyes of a very close Astarion.

"... shit," he said flatly.

He leaned back on his haunches with a guilty face, freezing in place with the anticipation of her retaliation. He grimaced at first, knowing fully well he had been caught. Whatever it was he was doing, it was enough to make him recoil in shame. Ferelith pushed herself upward, scooting back to put some distance between them. Astarion stood, stumbling a bit as he did from throwing himself out of balance.

"What the hell are you doing?" she said loud enough to cause Gale to look up from his book.

"No, no. It's not what it looks like. I swear!" Astarion said, his hands up, glancing behind him at the fear of an attack. "I just needed... well..."

Ferelith waited impatiently, her eyes scanning his face as it went into a panic. He still felt as if he could hear her heart. It made the hunger all that much worse. His head dropped, eyes staring hard into the ground. His shoulders slumped. His voice lowered.

"...blood," he finally admitted, his eyes hesitant to meet hers.

The humiliation he felt had transferred over to Ferelith as she realized how dense she must have been for not seeing it sooner. The conversations they had. The misleading and pointless flirtations. The stupid boar in the forest. And if that wasn't enough, his appearance alone should have been proof. She felt ashamed for her own intelligence.

"I knew it," she shook her head aggressively, propping herself up onto her cot. "The moment you saw that boar, I knew you were hiding something."

"It's not what you think," he continued his attempt to defend himself. "I'm not some monster. I feed on animals. Boars. Deer. Kobalds. Whatever I can get."

Ferelith reached up, grabbing the back of her neck as she remembered the sensation her body sent through her spine to warn her. "You... you were going to bite me."

"I wasn't going to hurt you," he reassured her. "I'm just too slow right now. Too weak. If I just had a little blood... I could think clearer. Fight better... please..."

There were too many instances of his deceiving nature running through her head. The persuasiveness. The lies. The hints that she knew she should have heeded.

"Why didn't you ask me?" she questioned, as it was the only thing she could.

"At best, I thought you'd say no. More likely, you'd ram a stake through my ribs."

"Ram a-" she scoffed at him. "You couldn't just tell me?"

"No... I needed you to trust me. And you can trust me," his words dropped into that low tone again, but all she could hear was more lies.

It was the same trick he used before. And regardless of whether or not he was telling the truth now, she only believed it was more of his persuasive tactics luring her to swoon over the sound of his voice.

"How am I supposed to trust you?" she pushed herself up onto her feet.

"Because we don't have choice," he said abruptly, his voice rising. "Not if we're going to save ourselves from the these... worms."

"I'm fairly certain I have a lot of choices right now," she straightening her doublet.

"I need you alive," he changed coarse. "And you need me strong."

He was still unable to identify the feeling he received when he looked at her. Ferelith was scowling, but it was more than that. He couldn't stand the look of her and he glanced away long enough to regain himself.

"Please," he begged, casting aside the seriousness of the matter. "It will only be a taste. I swear. I'll be well. You'll be fine. And..." he thought about the look on her face... and the teasing smiles they had shared before... "And everything can go back to normal. I swear."

"You swear?" her head dropped but her eyes were still fixated on his. "That's the best you can do?"

He held that gaze for as long as he could before his guilt caused him to look aside. Ferelith saw the weakness, snarling at his cowardly approach and pathetic begging. She looked across the fire to Gale who had been watching intently from his cot, but all together remaining uninvolved. He was interested in what she would do. And a twisted thought curled into her head as she did not care for his judgement.

"I just need time to process this," she shook her head, unable to answer him directly.

She took a step forward, but Astarion swept to the side to block her path.

"This is why I didn't want-"

"Astarion," she said abruptly and harshly, preventing him from speaking further, making him even forget what he had inherently wanted to say. "You've been lying to me and attempting to seduce me in order to gain my trust. How am I supposed to react?"

"What?" he questioned, admittedly confused.

"You've been forthcoming with the flirtations, it's hardly gone ignored. Not mention the tacky comments pulled from cheap romance novels. And the promises of protection? Guarding the camp? They were all lies. Every single one."

"Not all of them," he said desperately, not that she would believe him now.

"Tch," she cast her head to the side with an eye roll that could send the mountains to the sky.

He glanced down at her crossed arms where she pressed her chest tightly together. His sight craned upward, gazing at her neck, finally landing on her jaw. It was clenched tightly with frustration. Her laugh lines were apparent as she tightened her lips. Her brow pressed down to the bridge of her nose, causing wrinkles to appear across it. Ferelith was not just disappointed he had lied... she was angry. Rightfully so, but still... for odd reasons.

"You're angry because you believe my interest in you was an act," he almost sounded pleased.

"An act?" her head snapped, eyes now wide and focused on him. "You think I'm angry because you played pretend?"

Her hands unfolded and he realized this was far more serious than a temper tantrum. There was a flash of darkness to her eyes. He chose to remain silent, not only for his safety but also out of pure curiosity. He wanted to see how far her anger would take her.

"I might have understood why you lied if not for the way you chose to cover it. You felt as though you needed to toy with my emotions in order for me to trust you. That you could just," she flailed her hands,"roll me over like a common tavern whore to get me to go along with anything you said. I'm angry because you couldn't just be honest with the belief that I was worthy of the truth."

Her eyes lightened as the words filtered down, her voice with it. He looked at her... into her. And he could see something else. A reflection of secrets. Ferelith would have known what it was like to keep something hidden. It was what made her the most angry. That perhaps if she knew what he had been going through, she could have sought some solace herself. The book was a heavy burden. And without being able to commune to her patron, she had grown weaker. Now she had to deal with more burdens. More secrets other than her own. More than what she had bargained for.

"I'm angry..." she said after a break of silence, "... because I thought a little better of you. And you proved me wrong."

The muscles in his neck tightened with an unfamiliar feeling. One he could not place. It caused his arms flex, his hands to curl into fists. He was uneasy in his stomach when he looked at her. The face of resentment. He knew the face. But had never had such a reaction to it. It confused him. Infuriated him. He didn't want to look at it.

"And you don't like being wrong..." he spat back at her, bitterly disappointed at her rejection. "Do you, darling?"

"Somehow, I knew you'd turn out to be one hell of a pompous ass, Astarion."

Twice she said his name in anger. And twice it had gotten a rise from him. He clenched his fists, the churning fires in his chest turning as they raged. He had been yelled at for what he could remember of his entire life. But it was always down on him. Never his name. Never out of emotional anger. And never because someone cared. He knew he was supposed to feel guilty. But he didn't. What he felt... instead... was comfort.

"Ferelith," he called after her, not done quite done with their argument.

"I need to think," she shouted back at him. "If I talk to you anymore it'll just..."

Unable to finish her sentence, she bit her lip, shook her head, and left.

********************************************************************

As she approached him, he rose from his cot.

"I'm surprised you're still here," she said calmly.

"I had hopes you'd be back," he seemed nervous. "As naive as that may seem."

After exhaling with a long deep breath, she dropped her shoulders.

"I may not have come to terms with what has happened," she said, eyes still closed. "But I'll give you this. Just this once."

"Really?" he sounded concerned, as if her permission was a trap.

"Yes," she nodded. "I've put some thought into it. And you're right."

"Well," he smirked. "We can just set that aside for later. For now..."

He stepped closer to her, gesturing to his bedroll. Ferelith looked down, then back to Astarion with his extended hand. She took it and he gently squeezed her hand. He guided her over to the blanket where she knelt down and turned her back to him. She pulled her hair to one side.

"Perhaps you should lie back down for this," he suggested, preparing to kneel next to her.

"I don't want to lie down," she lowered her brow.

"Do what you want, but I imagine with losing blood like that you'll feel a bit lightheaded. Perhaps I can hold you?"

"That's a bit... intimate, isn't it?" she was repulsed by the thought.

"Darling, agreeing to  give yourself to another person no matter the degree is the greatest form of intimacy there is. If you didn't know this before you agreed, then I don't know what to say. Does the thought concern you?"

It did.

Ferelith had very little of herself to give anymore. But the discomfort was brushed aside. Matters of the heart were not in play. And there was nothing she needed to worry about. How romantic could it be? It's not as if watching a wolf feasting on it's prey was appealing to watch. She shook her head.

"This doesn't need to be so difficult," she situated herself.

"Though that is so very typical of you," he smirked, his knees hitting the ground behind her.

"I suppose," she sighed. "I suppose if you think I'll collapse you may... hold me."

"My hands will behave themselves, you have my word."

Ferelith smirked. The soft tone she had accused of being false had made it's return. She wanted to believe he was willing to be gentle, despite the brutality of the actual deed. He brought a finger to her chin, lifting it to expose her neck. The sight of it tensing before him made him eager. He could hear the singing of heartbeat once again. The excitement was overwhelming. Ferelith shifted as she became uncomfortable under his stare. They were both uncertain of how it would feel. And they both appeared nervous though they dared not to show it. Ferelith swallowed hard and he could see her throat moving as she did. He leaned forward and she felt her face turn flush. His face was close, his mouth slightly parted, eyes fixated on hers. It felt as if she was about to be kissed. Her heart pounded and he could hear it growing louder. But his head dropped. And his mouth struck her neck. The sting of him puncturing her flesh came first. Then the haze of the blood leaving her body followed. It hurt, but only a little.  What cloaked the pain was the odd sensation of the life being drained from her. Her body leaned into him, feeling part of herself lost as he drank. It felt invigorating. As if everything she wanted to forget was leaving her body. Her eyes grew heavy and she felt herself sway. A hand was placed on her her head while the other wrapped around her waste in embrace. From where his lips connected to her neck started a numbing sensation that began to spread into her shoulder. She held her eyes open to the best of her ability, but she was not going to be able to hold herself up and reached to clutch his arm. Everything became heavy. Black spots filled her eyes as they struggled.

"Alright," she said, squeezing his arm hard. "That's... enough..."

She felt her mouth move but was uncertain if the words came out. The confirmation she needed was Astarion, inhaling quickly to catch the last of her blood. He gasped as he pulled away.

"Of course," the cold sensation crept over as he removed his fangs.

The blackness swelled around her and she felt as if she were floating. Her body was lowered to the ground below. And hovering above her, with his hands gently laying her down, was Astarion. Through the black blur that outlined her vision he was watching her carefully as he lay her into his cot. Tenderly pulling her hair away from her face, he was willing to mind the fresh wounds bleeding on her neck. He pulled a cloth from his pocket, placing it to her neck to stop the bleeding.

"That... that was... amazing," he drew the blood from his mouth with a finger from his other free hand, licking it to savor her taste.

There was still a cloudiness to her sight, but she was able to bring her hand to his. Her intention was to hold the cloth in place. But in her haze, she grabbed his hand. Astarion was unsure how to respond to her touch... and let it linger longer than he should have, admiring the warmth on his cold skin. He pulled has hand away, guiding hers to the marks he had left. He rose up and looked down upon her.

"My mind is finally clear... I feel strong... I feel... happy."

"Let's not get too excited," she said, the will in her clearly stronger than her physical strength. "This was temporary. I'll not be so eager to agree to this again."

Astarion's expression dropped for moment, only to perk back up the appearance. "I wouldn't expect more from you, my dear," he gave a slight blow. "Now if you'll excuse me, you're quite invigorating. But I need something more... filling."

"I didn't imagine I would be enough for you," she blinked. "Go on then. Enjoy the rest of the night."

With his back turned, he looked out into the night. He wondered if he had told her truth, perhaps she would have not been so harsh. It was a mistake... he was more certain of it the longer he lingered on it. But there was no way to portray that to her now.

"This is a gift, you know... I'll not forget it..."

But as she drifted away, drifted back to sleep, she felt the blood rush to warm the rest of her body that had gone cold. All she could think about was the sting on her neck. And the touch of his hands around her body. Laying on his cot was the closest thing she would feel to that again. But it didn't suite him. There was nothing about it that reminded her of him. It didn't smell like him. It didn't feel warm. It just felt like... a blanket. And she fell asleep knowing she would have to crawl back to her side of the fire... eventually...

*****************************************************************************

Astarion made his way back to camp with a feeling beyond satisfaction. His hunt was successful. But more so, he felt something new in his body. Something stronger. He observed the camp and found that Ferelith was gone. It had been a few hours and he knew she needed very little sleep. He assumed she was off in the wood somewhere when a throat cleared nearby. Gale, sitting at his cot with his book to his side, was looking up at him.

"Astarion," he said, clearly to keep his attention.

"I really don't want to have this discussion with you right now," he shook his head, already tired from the rather eventful evening.

"There will be a discussion..."

"I don't recall asking for your opinion on the matter."

"I'm not going to sit here and pretend I didn't see what happened. At the very least, you owe her an explanation."

"Fine, fine," Astarion waved the man away, leading his steps toward his cot.

He did not need much sleep, either. But thought a decent rest would do some good. A chance to let everything sink in. The new blood coursing through him. The thrill of his hunt. The feeling of his new strength. The feeling of her in his arms. The taste of her. He closed his eyes. It was not the first time he had thought about her this way. But he hadn't considered it for some time. She was going to be angry with him in the morning. He was not looking forward to it. So he he lay his down to rest for the night with only pleasant thoughts of her swaying through his mind. As Astarion place his head on the makeshift pillow, he could feel the warmth of where her body was. He could still smell Ferelith on his cot from their exchange. First, he made certain no one was looking. And then, he turned his head, inhaling the fragrance from pillow. It smelled of sage, sweet flowers, and dead wood. How fitting...