#I have nothing better to do then draw stupid shitposts

[animeshades1]

I don't know what I'm doing

I formatted this shit so weirdly wtf dawg...

[cecilebutcher]

Thank you Irene and Aubbie for the tags<3 I really appreciate it a shit ton.

Twst content spotlight

@azulashengrottospiano Amazing, and I cannot stress this enough, AMZING octatrio content. Her writing style is so fucking amazing yet so simple? Go check her out she’s so fucking cool.

@axvwriter such a fantastic mind. Their oc Bobo is adorable and their art is even more adorable. The creatures they make are so fucking cool and awesome.

@twitchers-column a new blog made, but so far the stuff nem posts on their are just, chefs kiss. Not much on their but I see so much potential for it(I want to, uh, help with it).

@nem0-nee probably my newest moot but she is so sweet and her art is so fucking cool! Her Oc’s are so amazing and fantastic <3

@jemmidraws also new, I mean very new, but her art is so beautiful! Again not much posted but I highly recommend checking her out(her comms are open btw!)

@daily-trey posts amazingly accurate Trey content. They also respond to stuff as Trey by drawing them, my favorite post of theirs is the newest cater x Trey angst^^ (their comms are also open!)

@moonlit-midnight also writes amazing octatrio content. But they also write for other dorms like Diasomnia. Btw go check out their master list cause, it’s so fucking pretty? Like bro, that shit is so pretty and amazing.

@drdepper her art, gives me life. No no listen. The art style, the colors, the line art. I’m gobbling it up so hard. She’s also in love with Vil, don’t understand why, but Love listening to her talk about it.

@robo-milky her twst yuu is so fucking cute!! She’s so freaking talented, like tf? Girl, keep some talent for the rest of us T^T I wanna hold cloche is my hand like a small bird, ya feel me?

@altshin his twst yuu is so freaking chaotic it’s amazing 😭 his art style is so simple to me but still so gorgeous. Fellow photographer mc o7

@the-v-lociraptor everyone move it’s the creator of Castor and Pollux!! If you can’t tell I love those two twins with all my heart. Her art style is so much, that it becomes perfect.

@harunayuuka2060 while they do write for twst they also do obey me, and let me tell you they are always so fucking good!! Their writing style is Character A:….. Character B:……. It’s so fucking cool! Go check their blog out I always have fun with their stuff!!

@mintmoth they’re art style is so cute😭 my favorite Kalim artist in every single platform ever. The way they draw him makes me so happy!!

@malleusgethomeplz just posts twst shitposts. No really, that’s it, nothing more nothing less. But it still always brings me joy. They are also so stupid that it’s the best ever.

@egophiliac my favorite Lilia artist. They’re art is so unique. Like everyone move! It’s the the best Diasomnia artist is in town! Go check them out.

@oepionie I love love LOVE their writing the way they write scratches that one spot in the back of my brain. They’re writing style is so fucking gorgeous!

@blackopals-world she writes for various types of yuu. The way you can tell that she puts so much effort and love into her work is amazing, love her work so so much.

@siphoklansan sippy!! You think you’ve see great art with so much love in it? Ha yea right, you haven’t seen shit until you’ve checked my girl sippy out B) her oc’s are so fucking pretty and interesting, my personal favorite is my beloved Charin, I wanna give him a kissy kiss.

@ashipiko fellow ace kisser o7 she is so sweet and I just love her so fucking much like you have no idea. Her art style is so pretty like girl, you’re making me tear up with how gorgeous everything looks.

@ceruleancattail their themes give me life. It’s so fucking pretty and gorgeous and beautiful. Their art style is also, chef’s kiss, my personal favorite stuff is anything butler or/and yandere related<3 I will also continue to defend the kisser cater allegations with my life o7

@oheyfox Renny<3 best Jack Howl art there is, you won’t find any better then here folks! Her female first years ever. Her art style is so fucking pretty too!! Go check it out, this is a threat.

@shinysparklesapphires her art is so pretty with such interesting and incredible oc’s!! A beloved moot of mine<3

@terristre their art is so simple yet so fucking cute and adorable. I really like the way they draw the Twst characters. They’re comics are so freaking cool!!

@yuurei20 they technically analyze Twst characters and their relationships with other characters and more. It’s so interesting reading their works:0 I 10000% recommend everyone to check them out.

@dibbledoodle her yuu is a wine aunt without the wine and I am here for it. I fuckinh love her art style so much. I love the way she draws Leona he looks so stupid T^T

@revivemyreverie the way they draw, gives me life. They have so many oc’s and each one is more interesting then the last, I can’t decide who I love most. That’s a lie, it’s Vegas, it’ll forever be Vegas.

@del-thetiredwriter I love love love LOVE their mafia AU. Hello? Why is it so good? I’m on the edge of my seat waiting for the next chapter. I took inspiration from them while writing my own mafia AU, go check them out<3

@twistedchatterbox the creator of this amazing thing✨ she’s amazing and I love her writing so fucking much<3 tbh if it weren’t for her April collab I would’ve never had the courage to post twst content on here. So Rubia, from the bottom of my heart, thank you so much for everything. I owe all of this to you, Love you girl<3

I originally was gonna put like 10 people but ended up putting waaay more😭 but you know what, I regret nothing. All these amazing people write and/or draw some of the best stuff ever. And I’m so fortunate to have come across their stuff because it is truly amazing<33

[spark-circuit]

[Definition: A pyrrhic victory is a victory that comes at a great cost, perhaps making the ordeal to win not worth it.] (alt title: P03 has an existential crisis courtesy of Asimov. shame Sado doesn’t follow those rules huh, lmao)

so if the Inscryption ARG’s ending is anything to go by, P03 probably saw what happened at the end, right?

[monochromemedic]

I had been stuck in the Dark World for who knows how long. The days didn’t seem to matter down here. No sun, no moon, just the vibrant green grid that coated the sky that would twitch and surge with occasional frequency.  When I first got here, I fought hard to get back to the surface, to fight for any sense of normalcy, for home but after a while the dream began to fade. The options began to run dry when compared to the dangers that surrounded me. And so I settled. I survived. I searched for food, begged for shelter from kind Darkners. I did what I had to to live. The Queen was not an option. Whispers from Darkners told me how I was just what she was looking for, that would help her expand her reign to the Light World. As much as that would probably help me, I didn’t want to ruin the lives of others for the chance to see my family, as much as I missed them with every passing minute. The sound of bustling cars and the blinding lights of neon signs stung my senses, my palms pressing into my eyes to drown out what I could. Damn it this place never slept did it? There was always something, some sort of noise. Whatever bags I had under my eyes were probably made cartoonishly drastic with the lack of pure rest I was getting. ‘Supose it was better then being dead... My body felt heavy, and I knew I’d have to find a place to rest or I’d fall asleep mid crossing of a road and get run over by one of those goofy cars I’d seen. Maybe that wouldn’t be so bad... I recalled the time one of the car’s rear bumped into a fire hydrant (or at least I thought it was) and made a squeaking sound. The darkness of a certain alley called to me, the silence a sweet lullaby to the roaring around me. Was it dangerous? Oh yeah. Was it stupid? No shit. Was I going to do it? The shadows the engulfed me were perfect and if it wasn’t for the underlying stench of garbage it’d probably be ideal. Still beggars couldn’t be choosers and if tonight was good enough I would have to consider having this as my permanent sleeping spot. My back slid against the cool wall across from the dumpster, eyes half lidded as they read the advertisements littering above. Why the hell did the Queen have ads anyway, if she wanted she could monopolize any products she wanted... Despite the quiet I couldn’t shake the feeling that creeped down my spine. The presence of something other then myself around me. I tried to close my eyes, I was in the city after all. It’d be concerning if I didn’t feel like people were one second from crawling up my ass. Though I had to admit I didn’t expect to actually feel something begin to touch me. My eyes snapped open, elbow prodding into a blurry shape that yelped and tumbled backward, it’s grasp my on shoulder tearing a hole in my already worn shirt in the struggle. “Hey! What the hell?!” I barked, standing over the perpetrator. My shoulders slumped when I saw what looked to be a doll staring up at me with wide eyes, an over exaggerated smile permanently spread across it’s face. The creature’s jaw opened wider with a clack, it’s small body shooting upwards to stand on it’s small pointed feet. “WOAH WOAH WOAHAH- [Live worms]!”   The darkner’s voice was deafeningly loud, a shrill tone that cut the air like newly sharpened blades. “ I THOUGHT YOU WERE [Roadkill]. NICE TO KNOW I WON’T BE [Sleeping with the fishes] T0NIGHT!!” Well he had a certain way of speaking that was obvious. What the hell was going on with him, he talked like he was constantly being cut of random clips of other people speaking. He talked like a youtube poop or any other shitpost that would randomly shove memes into them for a quick laugh. “You thought I was dead? I was just... I was... uh.” I looked around me, eyeing the dirt and debris. “I was... going to sleep... here.”  Dammit, telling people I had to sleep in such ratty places were always a blow to the ego but I suppose it was better then saying ‘Oh I was just sitting down here to die’ The puppet shook his head and waltzed over to the dumpster, his small hand smacking the side with a sense of pride. “ [Finders keepers, losers weepers] HUMAN, YOU PICKED A GOOD SPOT. TOO BAD [so sadd] I GOT HERE FIRST. THOUGH FOR A DEAL I SUPPOSE I COULD [Share the love~]” “Got here first... what are you talking about?” The Darkner let out a laugh, distorted echoes filling the air as he leapt inside, a solitary hand popping out to beg me to come closer. This was a terrible idea, but despite my best judgement I followed, and witnessed what I could only describe to be a makeshift bed inside.  The puppet laid on top of musty mats and raggedy rugs, a single stained pillow resting just beneath his head. My god was he living in here? The creature continued his laugh, lurching only a few inches away from my face. “ [Sweet deal] ISN’T IT? J3ALOUS, [baby]?”  I shirked back, cheeks reddening at the tone of his last word. I was most defiantly not jealous, in fact I was filled with remorse, something his pride did not help with. “It’s... uh something. I guess this means I’ll have to find another alleyway um, sorry for bothering you-” “SPAMTON.” “What?” His hand shot out towards my chest, fingers wiggling for a handshake. “SP-SPA MTON G SPAMTON, [Number 1 rated salesmen 1997]” He announced, an extra flair of bravado laced his titled. His hand was surprisingly warm for what it was made of but nothing that would be described as body temperature.  “Jenna. Also 1997.” “WHAT A YEAR. LISTEN LIGHT nER, I AM DEALSMAN [yes/no?]” “Um... y-yes? I don’t-” “THEN LET ME MAKE A DEAL YEAH? FOR ONLY [many] KROMER, YOU MAY STAY IN MY [Privately owned] ALLEY. IT’S A REAL [steal] YOU’RE ROBBING ME [deaf] HERE!” My brows furrowed as I searched his face for any context clues for what the hell he was trying to say. Kromer? What the fuck was ‘kromer’? The only thing I knew of currency down here was dark dollars not kromer... even if he did ask for dark dollars he didn’t name a price, he just said many. And the amount of dark dollars I had was zero. “Uh I don’t have kromer. I don’t even have dark dollars I’m kinda broke Spamton, in case you couldn’t tell from uh...” I trailed off realizing saying that sleeping in an alley wasn’t a very smart thing to say to someone who slept in an alley.  He seemed surprised by my words, beginning to tug on my coat, flipping my pockets to see if I was really lying. I had to push his mitts off me a couple of times, to which he eventually got the idea the way his hands began to rub at his extended jaw. “NO KROMER... WHAT CAN YOU DO?” “What do you mean?” He seemed to sense my change in tone, his grin beginning to wobble nervously “[Whoopsie daisy!] LET ME START AGAIN. DO YOU HAVE A [trade]? A [skill] TO [Exchange for goods and services]?” he croaked. I eyed the ground, rubbing the back of my neck. What the hell was I good at again? “I mean, I can draw, I suppose...” “ARTIST? WOW OWOW!” Spamton’s face lit up before digging in the dumpster, pulling out a few napkins and a ball point pen and shoving them into my hands. “WHAT A [trade] TELL YOU WHAT. YOU DRAW A [one-of-a-kind masterpiece] AND YOU CAN STAY THE NIGHT!” “You’ll let me stay... if I draw something for you on this napkin. Am I getting that right?” The doll nodded feverishly, basically hovering over my shoulder as I played with the pen. This was certainly the weirdest way to pay someone that I could imagine... well no but one that was in the realm of reality. I had to ask Spamton to give me some space a few time, the feeling of his breath on  my neck making me more then nervous as I drew. God he was like those kids in school that would ask for drawings but ten times worse with the amount of personal space he’d give you. Besides I needed something to draw and with nothing on the mind why not draw the most interesting thing in front of me. I held the finished doodle out to Spamton only to have it snatched out of my fingers so fast I swore we could have started a fire. “WOAH...” The puppet sank inside of the dumpster, his face softening  as for once in what seemed like forever the alley way grew silent. “THIS IS... ME?” “Yeah. Sorry I didn’t know what to draw, you kind of put me on the spot. Besides everyone likes drawings of themselves right?” I shrugged, being pulled away from my thoughts by an overdramatic sniffle. Was he... crying? Not quite, just damn well close. Spamton’s shoulders quaked as a warm smile returned to his cheeks, slipping the napkin into his pocket with glee. “SO GOOD... THANK YOU.” “It’s really nothing, honestly that was a pretty shitty drawing.” “WHAT? YOU’RE [&#!^]ING ME! THAT WAS [BIG SHOT]” He was screaming again, hands gesturing wildly about. “It wasn’t but thank you. I wish I was better to be honest. I’m not very happy with my art, not at all.” I turned away from his gaze, unsure of why I was overcome by a choking sensation building my throat.  Why the hell was I telling this stranger this sort of stuff anyway? I mean I could hazard a guess it was the fact that this was the longest conversation I had had with anyone since I had gotten down here but with how things were it could be some magic power the doll possessed to tell him my deepest darkest secrets. “YOU DON’T THINK THIS IS [Big?]” “No.” “WHY NOT?” “I don’t know. I just... I think it doesn’t look the way I want it to. Doesn’t look good to me, and I don’t know how to fix it. Which I guess is a little funny considering how long I’ve been drawing. Just keep... drawing and drawing and never improving, least not how I’d like. It’s just garbage to me.” Spamton’s face seemed to fall, his glasses fading to a dark inky black.  “YOU FEEL? NO GOOD AT WHAT YOU DO? YOUR [passion]?”  “Yeah.” A laugh ripped from his chest, his head lolling back with each chuckle. I felt my soul began to crack, a shame flooding my body with how hard he seemed to laugh. Did he find this funny? Humorous?  I felt tears prick my eyes as I snapped my head back to glare at him, his head glitching back to stare back at me. “YOU’RE JUST LIKE ME, JENNA. A [slime] A REAL [slime]!” With a quick motion the puppet jumped to the ground, his hand resting against my arm as he spoke.  “YOU’RE A REAL [BIG SHOT] YOU KNOW THAT? STAY AS LONG AS YOUR [Greasy little heart] DESIRES!” Well... that was unexpected. He’d really let me stay here as long as I want cause I was pathetic? Or did he just feel sorry for me? What was going on? And why was he calling me a slime... or us a slime?  “Oh... uh thanks? I didn’t think I was being  much of a big shot whatever that is but I apricate it. Really.” His head clacked with every little nod, leading me to a pile of cardboard boxes and patting them with the grace of a car salesman. “BEST [Seat in the house] ALL FOR YOU. [Night night forever]!” Spamton beamed, awkwardly swaying side to side before stumbling back to the dumpster a few inches away and crawling inside of it, much like a wild animal. I couldn’t help but laugh a little. This guy was weird. Kinda creepy but also kind of funny. I honestly couldn’t pinpoint a feeling on him but at least he didn’t want to hurt me just make weird ass deals and make me ‘big’. Did that mean famous? Was this guy so into my art he wanted to be some sort of manager? I rubbed my eyes and let out a yawn, the excitement of the day finally beginning to fade. God I forgot how tired I was, that little guy made me feel like I was gonna go into fight or flight.  “Hey Spamton?” “YES?” his voice echoed from inside the metal container. “...Thank you.”

[industriallyinsecure]

After making Ghiaccio short-circuit with the tomato fact I wonder if the other La Squadra members also have a self-destruct topic in your opinion? Like... how do you get under Mr. Cheesy Easy-Going's skin? Would the Hee Hee Man even believe you if you claimed he had a grey hair? How do you even get under Risotto's skin? Would the Old Ham freeze up if you insulted his style? Is there even a way to stun Dr. Love Stand? I feel like Pesci.exe would stop responding if you gave him a compliment...

I didn’t expect someone to send in an ask about my stupid little meme lmao but it makes me smile when people indulge my shitposts :)

TW: bit of internalized homophobia in Formaggio’s bit, but nothing terrible (placed under cut and at the end so you can easily skip)

The purpose of telling Ghia about tomatoes is to make him shut up, and the only person who talks more than he does is Melone. The only problem here is that there’s no conceivable way to actually shut him up with words, so you’re better off kissing him on the lips or something. But Melone is a scientist first and foremost. His mindset would be, “Incessant speaking provoked intimate relations, will continue to pursue experiment to see if it elicits similar results.” Basically don’t kiss him unless you want him to be more annoying for another kiss. Or do, whatever works for you homie 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩

Illuso is also very hard to shut up. I don’t think he’s vain enough to drop dead if you told him he had a slight imperfection, he’s too proud to admit he has any in the first place. But that doesn’t mean you can’t make him laugh with some particularly funny insults. “Funhouse mirror lookin ass” is a personal favorite of his. If all else fails, draw on his face while he’s in the mirror world. That’s about the only thing you can do that will make him stop what he’s doing. Doodle a mustache on a mirror and he will go out of his way to erase it, and likely physically draw on your face later.

Okay but hear me out. I feel like Risotto is shit at small talk and when he first meets someone he’s like “Hello. Your blood makes up about seven percent of your body weight.” In my mind it’s pretty hard to phase him (especially since he has to listen to Melone’s scientific sex talk all the time). Unless you like hug him out of nowhere I don’t think you could make him blue screen, but don’t hug him without telling him because he’ll take that as a sign of aggression and accidentally punch you :/ consensual hugs only please

Prosciutto is also very hard to stun. Insult his style? Yeah right, like he’s gonna listen to a broke bitch like you. Eyebags? Excuse you, they’re Gucci. However, Prosciutto HATES the idea of being/looking old, which is ironic because of his stand. Get up close to him and say “oh, I think you have Crows’ Feet, Prosci,” and he’ll probably sit in silence while he goes through the five stages of grief. Pesci would probably blow up if you told him his fly was down (he doesn’t have a fly on his bodysuit but he’d still cry). Also if you insult Prosciutto he’ll probably break down, but in the HEY THATS MY COMFORT TEAMMATE >:,( type way. Aka how half of the La Squadra fuckers on here would react (including me)

Cheesy breezy beautiful will short circuit if you make him uncomfortable in any way. Don’t get me wrong, he absolutely would die for Sorb and Gel, but don’t talk about them having sex in front of him. He’s pretty open minded, but I feel he’s just macho enough to be uncomfortable when talking about gay sex. He also doesn’t like gross things. Not necessarily gore, but stuff like infections, toothpicks under fingernails, and other little yucky things will make him shut up very quickly.

[vanilla-blessing]

qb’s 2020 Anime List

[Representation of making my brain recall anything from last year]

As usual, these are ordered by whatever arbitrary mood I was in when I constructed the list. Do not cross reference this ordering with any other evaluations I may have done. 

0. kiratto prichan but only after it lost all pretense of being grounded in reality

I don't want to explain why I watch this anime, but I will do it for the fans. It's the franchise people, by all rights, should make fun of me for watching instead of Precure, which is harmless; the Pretty Rhythm series is ill-advised subculture shitpost brainrot which has at least halved my IQ. PriChan had been very boring for at least a year since its premiere, but during 2020 went off the deep end in way that rekindled the unique flavor the decade-long series has traditionally had of doing the most dumbass thing every week and not letting any sort of television authority or good ideas stop it. I had fun every week once it got in the groove and remembered its roots as a dumbass crossover franchise with nothing to prove and nothing holding its stupid, fantastic ideas back. It’s always the most insane thing on TV and it never even has to try. 

Also following the twitter cult that formed around a rare plushie from this show with a wide face. That was the most entertaining thing of 2020 for me. 

1. Keep Your Hands Off Eizouken!

Creatively inspiring in a year without many sources of creative inspiration, the airing of this anime mirrored my unwilling dive into learning too much about anime production than I ever meant to. Eizouken takes the sketchbook ideas of the manga and fully realizes its world into animation in a way that only Masaki Yuasa and Science Saru could pull off, while simultaneously giving rising stars in the industry their first chance at directing episodes. It's a very satisfying show to watch and if there's anything on this list that inspired me to finally just slam words on paper and get this out it was thanks to watching Eizouken at some point in my life. 

The season is split into three distinct “projects” and each of these end in a such a strong climax that I have to recommend watching it 4 episodes at a time, if you are able to. Here’s an endcard by tkmiz

2. Magia Record: Mahou Shoujo Madoka Magica Gaiden

3. DECA-DENCE

I like a nice contained science fiction and this one's episode 2 hook was so shocking that I was glued to my screen until the very end. It’s not perfect, but it’s about as perfect as you could reasonably expect to get from the year 2020. The less you know going in the better so I’ll shut up but it’s a much more ambitious sci-fi than you think it is at first. It might have been a had-to-be-there serial experience, so it could be impossible to really get the hype that was around this show at the time, but I think there’s enough there to stand on its own, and just having a definitive, satisfying ending in one season is an anime rarity worth recommending by itself. 

4. Toilet-bound Hanako-kun

I love looking at pictures of cryptids and Lerche paneling and this gave me both in abundance. It rides the line between telling Shonen and Shoujo stories, like many Seinen that defy easy categorization do, and I’ve always been a sucker for that. Along with the anime being drop dead gorgeous on a weekly basis, I enjoyed the lovable cast of various SUPERNATURAL DANGER BOYS and also Yashiro who provides the funniest faces and widest ankles of the whole show, despite stiff competition. 

5. Talentless Nana

Came outta nowhere and exceeded expectations for a frankly kind of mediocre thriller manga by absolutely nailing the strong first episode/chapter hook, then continuing to nail it every week with smart directing. I’m obligated to pay attention to this team in the future if they're capable of making something this compelling on a limited drawing budget. (the core staff were all Heybot regulars, which either means something or doesn’t)

6. Extra Olympia Kyklos

The one-person studio that made this did not have a high bar to clear to be the best Olympic tie-in anime (the only other one I can recall is the rare media Eagle Sam which sucks complete ass) but despite the Olympics not even happening in 2020, it soldiered on, and was easily the most I laughed at anime in that year. Kyklos takes serious source material and just spices it up beyond recognition with bizarre jokes, perfect timing, and hilariously cheap original music videos at the end of every episode that wouldn’t be out of place on adult swim bumpers. Overall it’s very surprising that this was funded at all once anyone saw what it was, but I’m so glad the creator got away with it. In a way, it’s the perfect monument to this psychotic year. 

7. Kakushigoto

I just think the author is funny and this is a good anime adaptation that outpaces the original, by the author's own admission/intention. 61-sensei is the best girl

All Hail The Daia Bread All Hail The Daia Bread

these were all enjoyable too:

Gal and dino 

Hit in the right spot at the time, when we all needed a roommate who couldn’t catch covid

Star twinkle precure movie

I'd show this to people to introduce them to precure if not for the song and dance number at the end being kinda lame

Mewkledreamy

it’s not going to end precure but it has incredible faces

BOFURI: I don’t want to get hurt so I maxed out my defense

gamer has logged on

- qb kiranichiwa 

[mutedsilence]

I decided to create a post with links to all my work. They include summaries and the tag list. It’s under the split. I’ll update as I write more. 

Or, here’s a link to my dashboard MutedSilence 

The Towel  Johnlock Domestic Fluff Domestic Pride Gay Sherlock Holmes Bisexual John Watson Towels Flags Words: 2,002 Chapters: 1/1

Summary: John and Sherlock have been living together for just about a year in this. Sherlock is given a towel from Mycroft for his birthday.

Ianto Sings Janto Dancing and Singing Singing Fluff Domestic Fluff Tooth-Rotting Fluff Words: 844 Chapters: 1/1

Summary: Ianto is alone in the hub. He decides to start singing, he doesn't know he's not alone. 

Soldier and his Detective Series Johnlock Mystrade New Meeting Fluff AU Kissing papa lestrade Worry Sherlock is a Brat Established Mystrade Protectiveness Protective Sibling Rivalry Texting Mycroft is really protective but a bit of a dick too Feelings almost break up First Dates John Watson in Afghanistan Homophobic Language Phone Calls email BAMF John Background Case Mycroft Being a Good Brother Sherlock Holmes Has Feelings Jealousy Words:45,738 Works:3 Complete:Yes

Summary: Sherlock is on a case. Just as he's about to be taken down by the suspect, a stranger takes down the suspect and Sherlock begins to fall for the blond stranger. (This is a story set in with a different meeting, John is on leave from the army and Sherlock has started his career with the met.)

Trying to Forget Ianto Janto The 456 Aftermath Grief/Mourning Drinking Jack Needs a Hug Hurt Jack  Words: 438 Chapters: 1/1

Summary: So, in the doctor who episode - End of Time part 2 - the Doctor tips off Jack to Alonso. It takes place in a bar and I decided to carry it on.

Mission to Flirt Johnlock Pining John Fluff Angst with a Happy Ending Slow Burn Flirting Jealous Sherlock Oblivious John Mutual Pining First Kiss Hospitals Background Case Greg Lestrade & John Watson Friendship Sherlock Holmes Loves John Watson John Watson Loves Sherlock Holmes Bisexual John Watson Gay Sherlock Holmes Proud Greg Lestrade Words: 9,064 Chapters: 1/1

Summary: Turns out John has been staring at Sherlock like a love sick teen. Greg decides that John just needs to flirt. So, he does. Sort of. He certainly tried to at least.

Fine. I admit, I love him. Johnlock Pining Texting Mycroft's Meddling Pining Sherlock Holmes AU Fluff References to Oscar Wilde Language of Flowers Background Case Distracted Sherlock Holmes Mycroft Being a Good Brother No Reichenbach Secret Admirer Sherlock Holmes Loves John Watson Oblivious John Words: 9,237 Chapters: 14/14

Summary: Mycroft has had enough of Sherlock's pining and decides to make him do something about it. Starting with Sherlock figuring out his feelings for John. ((Set before the Reichenbach fall))

Christmas at Holmes Manor Johnlock Mystrade Christmas Party Developing Johnlock AU Different First Meeting Mentions of drugs Depressed John Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism John has been discharged Developing Relationship First Kiss Developing Mystrade Mycroft is good with Children Words: 4,838 Chapters: 6/6 Collections: 1

Summary: Mummy is known for her Christmas parties at Holmes Manor. Sherlock hates the parties and tries to avoid them. This year he can't get out of it. He hates every second. But will he hate it after meeting an army captain?

Hannibal Montannibal Alternate Universe - Hannah Montana Fusion Pure and utter crack beggar's clay chicken inspired by a shitpost Will is a fanboy Hannibal in a dress and wig?? just go with it Ambiguous/Open Ending Words: 613 Chapters: 1/1

Summary: Hannah Montana/Hannibal fusion. No one knows that Hannibal is Montannibal, that is until he invites Will Graham for dinner.

The Soul Patch IronStrange Soulmate AU Tumblr Prompt Heart Attacks First Kiss CPR Post-Doctor Strange (2016) Stephen saves Tony it's a little cheesy Words: 1,411 Chapters: 1/1

Summary: Soulmate AU: Everyone is born with a black section of skin where their soulmate touches them skin-on-skin for the first time. When this happens, the mark changes to said soulmate’s eye color. Tony Stark and Stephen Strange both hate it because they’ve had to live with the stigma of having black lips all their lives. Tony goes into cardiac arrest at a gala, and Stephen ends up giving him CPR.The prompt I based this off. Set after the events of Doctor Strange (2016)

Who is Victor Trevor? Johnlock Teenlock Unilock Jealous John POV Sherlock Holmes victor is made up practice date First Dates Sherlock Holmes and John Watson Being Idiots Words: 3,256 Chapters: 1/1

Sherlock is in love with his best friend, John Watson. When confronted, Sherlock makes up Victor Trevor - a person that Sherlock wants to ask on a date. John offers to help by taking Sherlock on a practice date. The one thing Sherlock wants more than anything.

I Feel Like I Don’t Even Know Him! Johnlock Fake/Pretend Relationship Developing Relationship and Friendships Implied/Referenced Suicide AU Different First Meeting couples counselling It's For a Case Parental Greg Lestrade Protective Mycroft Holmes Slow Burn idiots to lovers Implied/Referenced Drug Use Miscommunication Eventual Happy Ending Did I Mention They Were Idiots? It's Sad Seriously It's Sad You Have Been Warned  Words: 26,108 Chapters: 25/25

Summary: John is leaving therapy. Sherlock needs to get into the office of a couples counselor. A frantic Sherlock bumps into John as he's making his way out. John - with nothing better to do - agrees to pretend to be a stranger's boyfriend for the afternoon. Beats going home.

Let Me Share Your Pain IronStrange Hurt Stephen Strange Hurt Tony Stark Protective Stephen Strange Friends to Lovers Arguing First Kiss Hurt/Comfort Words: 3957 Chapter 1/1

Tony begins to feel stronger and better than ever. He doesn’t question it, not when his movements are quicker and his mind is sharper. His anxieties and pain appear to have diminished altogether. And the next time he’s facing a villain he finds there’s barely a scratch on him. Funnily enough Doctor Strange looks ten times worse himself after battles lately, even in ones he hardly has a hand in. Tony slowly discovers that Stephen cast a spell to absorb all of Tony’s injuries as his own.

I'll Tell You Until You Believe Me IronStrange Jealous Tony Stark Pining Pining Tony Stark Oblivious Stephen Strange First Kiss Love Confessions Insecurity Insecure Stephen Strange author projecting their insecurities onto the character check Words: 2231 Chapter 1/1

Stephen is quite popular, what with his status as sorcerer supreme, good looks and compassion. Stephen is oblivious to it all, chalking it up as just weird alien customs. One day, an interdimensional being aids Stephen and Tony in battle, flirting with Stephen the whole time. Tony feels protective of Stephen but lets it go for now (pre-relationship, Tony’s kinda jealous yes). Only this keeps happening and it builds up, Tony can’t take anymore and confronts Stephen about why he never shoots down nor reciprocates the advances of the inter-dimensional beings. Light angst where Stephen accidentally reveals that his obliviousness stems from his insecurities. He thinks Tony is pulling his leg. 

Eastern Seaboard Ironstrange Established Relationship Bottom Tony Stark Established Tony/Stephen Is this crack?? Humour Tony's nicknames for the team Words: 717 Chapter 1/1

The only time Tony sees a hint of Stephen’s full power, without his moral limitations, is when they make love and Stephen’s magic accidentally causes an earthquake that knocks out the power of the whole eastern seaboard. Tony decides it's an achievement worthy of a nickname.

Super Fucking Long Sherlock Fic, Stop Being a Bitch and Finish It. Johnlock Slow Burn really really slow Angst Smut Fluff Eventual Sherlock Holmes/John Watson Unrequited Love mutual unrequited love Mutual Pining Violence Murder Case Fic Homophobia Homophobic Language POV Sherlock Holmes Idiots in Love they're really stupid and can't see past their noses but we love them Masturbation Oblivious Hate Crimes Hate Speech Hurt/Comfort Copping Off Coming Out Greg Lestrade & John Watson Friendship Sherlock Whump Words: 31,275 Chapter 48/? 

Sherlock is bored out of his mind - luckily Lestrade has a string of murders. Even luckier - Sherlock and John have to go undercover in a gay bar, and John's in tight clothes. But what if going back into that scene reminds Sherlock of his uni days? And what if he reverts back to shameless pleasure behind clubs? What if John never returns his affections? A series of life-threatening problems could both bring them together, and drive them apart.

Our Journal Mystrade Developing Mycroft Holmes/Greg Lestrade Lestrade Can Draw switching POV Slow Burn Fluff mystrade Mystrade is art Mycroft is a Softie Even if just in his head Words: 3,798 Chapter 6/?

When the sketch artist is off, Greg is asked to step in. Like any artist - he thinks he's no good and hates his work. Mycroft just so happens to be around to lend some paper. After becoming enraptured in Greg's drawing, Mycroft's once-dormant feelings begin to fester again.

[jidai]

jidai’s budget mutuals/friends appreciation

Hi, all! I’m quite late with this but I decided to put a small friends and mutual appreciations post in hopes of brightening up the end of this year a little bit. ❤️ If you were tagged, please make sure to check below for a small little message from me. However, I want to make it very clear that I truly appreciate all of my mutuals. You guys brighten up my dash and always reblog or create so many funny and creative posts. I just wanted to give a few special shout outs to those that have taken out the time to reach out and interacted with me past my ask box or we just see each other often.

The messages are ordered by your URL, so you might have to scroll for awhile before you see your messages. I’m so sorry lmao. 

Happy New Years, everyone!

@25th​​, Nonnie, the Young Genius. bro, remind me how old you are 🧍‍♀️ Like my brain CANNOT fathom the thought that you’re so skilled at SO many things and you’re not even in your twenties??? PLEASE SPARE THE TALENT. i will even accept crumbs. But I’m writing to tell you that you are such a wonderful presence on my dash. I always look forward to your gfx. They’re so SO good and you’re improving from one post to another. Like WOW. Now, you’re even starting an art blog, too? You’re so dedicated to the arts. I respect that a lot. Your hard work and commitment will bring you very far in life, whatever you decide to do. 

I love interacting with you. You’re such a big sweetheart and full of positivity and energy. I look forward to seeing more of your art and gfx ❤️

@biscuitwalk​, Dann, the AK Wiz. Dann, I know you’re not as active on here so idk when or if you will ever read this but I want to say that I miss you and your creations so, so much. I will say it a hundred times over and OVER but you inspire me so goddamn much. You have no fucking idea. Your works are absolutely gorgeous and unique. I can look at it once and I can instantly recognize your style (and your cute lil’ pufferfish <3). The way you utilize colors and implement various techniques, shapes, textures into your work. Goddamn, you’re so good. I always look to your work if I ever need inspiration and they help me brainstorm. God, I wish I could put it into words how much I adore your works.

We didn’t really talk for long but you seemed like such a kind and fun person to be around. I wish you the best in your future endeavors, wherever you are. Stay safe <3

@elriccs, Mirai, the Short King. 🧍‍♀️ ok look I know, I know I’m TERRIBLE at replying to you and I’m so fucking sorry. I absolutely love to talk to you but my dumbass cannot seem to reply in a timely manner LASELKSAL. That’s on me and I gotta do better. Anyways!!! Thank you SO fucking much for always leaving such kind messages on my work. I swear to god you’re one of my biggest hype man and I ALWAYS look forward to reading your tags. They’re so funny and it makes me all tingly and happy inside. Bro, like, you just radiate big fun vibes, bro. I really hope that I can get to know you better so I can just insult you until it’s too late to walk away </3

And of course, let me also remind you that I love your works so much. They way that you utilize your textures and those muted colors... OOMPH *chefs kiss* I will always love--

@lockhvrts​​, Em the Soulsborne GOD. hi em 🥺 it’s been awhile since I’ve had a proper conversation with you and I hope you’re doing okay! I miss you and our conversations where we do nothing but geek out and complain about the game industry lmao. if you manage to read this, I just wanted to let you know I miss your presence here. It’s been kinda dull not seeing your beautiful soulsborne gifs and your game rants. Let’s catch up soon. <3 stay safe and well!

@nathanprescutt, Benn, the Man. BENNNNNNNN.  I love you a lot bro. I know we haven’t had long conversations for some time and I hope I can change that! You were my first friend on this blog and I will always appreciate it. I remember us just geeking out over your works and how I would always send you a gfx request like once a week LMAO. The one thing that I have always appreciated about you was the fact that you’re very opinionated (if not, very vocal on your stance on things) and you hold your ground. There were a few time where you encouraged me to speak on topics that I think I shouldn’t and that stuck with me for quite awhile. I’m still a nervous rambling mess when it comes to debates but just know that the one time you supported me to voice my opinion--I hold it very dear to my heart. 

While I don’t spend much time together, I will always remember our animal crossing session. It was  so much fun just trashing and chilling on your island. Especially the bar :( that bar was fucking AMAZING. Maybe once FFXVI comes out, we can geek out hehe

Also, thank you so much for sending in photos of all your doggos, omg. I miss seeing them so much I hope they’re doing well. Stay hot, my German bro lol. Ich bin sehr dankbar, so eine tolle Freundin zu haben. ❤️❤️❤️

@noxdivina​, Lin the Big Dick Daddy Kind. The church is open for business bitch and I’m here to preach the GOSPEL.

Okay, jokes aside, I’m really happy that we became mutuals. You’ve always give off this like, mysterious cosmic vibe (????? huh). And your selfies just further proves that you are wtf. But you’re always so kind to those that you interact with. You’re an absolutely sweetheart and like I just want to give you a giant hug every time we interact. You’re such a soft human being. It’s so nice being around you. It’s like being tossed in the oven and baked at 250 degrees F for 25 minutes. And to boot you’re really talented, hello? God really said let there be a perfect human being and yeeted you into the universe. Thank you for always leaving such kind messages and words in my DM/askbox/works. I cherish them so much. I hope I can get to know you better in the future bc you’re rad, bro <3

anyways, updated drawing of u and maya:

i always assume you’re in a black fur parka 24/7 and maya is coatless neck down. also deck me with those jacked arms of yours thanks  🧍‍♀️

(edit: fuck i forgot to draw a PARTY HAT ON MAYA IM SORRY)

@rokuseis​, Sei, the Dumber.

i have nothing to say to you go away you banana hater ASELKSAEKL

BITCH, you doo bee getting on my nerve 24/7/365 🧍‍♀️ you were an unexpected but a very welcomed addition to my life. I can’t believe we really went 1 fuckin’ year without speaking to each other and then suddenly our friendship blew up because over a stupid BANANA. Now you gotta deal with me and my stupid, random, crude ass messages daily. I cannot. Clown to clown communication. But thank you so much bitch for being there for me and telling all of these funny ass stories and life experiences.

I know I don’t say it a lot because when we talk it’s literally just dogs barking at each other but I want to make it clear now: I love your humor and vibe so much. You never fail to make me laugh anytime I talk to you and I appreciate it so much. I can’t tell you how many times I felt better after talking to you. Even though sometimes your fucking jab hits hard and I end up actually inSULTED BY IT. But thank you for becoming my friend and I look forward to all of our stupid moments together. Looking forward to shitting in your sink when I finally fly to your home <3

@wolfamongthem, Anna, the Grinch. Please don’t hurt me for that title. I'm just saying if someone needs a live casting, it’ll be u. Anyways, did you know that I was so fucking intimidated by you for a long ass time, even before we became mutuals aseljas LMAO. I always see your gifs around on explore and they’re so gorgeous and then I look at your text posts and it’s u roasting people like there’s no tomorrow- 🧍‍♀️ bitch I was SCARED OF U KSKS. Now that I’ve talked to you a few times, you’re really funny like where do you find those reaction memes????? Like bro you and your shitposts is my morning cup of coffee. 

Anyways, in 2021 I expect a full-fledge review of all AAA games from you-- no more shit talking in the tags let it all out BITCH. Thank you for being such a great mutual! I look forward to see what weird shit you will send me the next time we talk lmao

@zenien​​, Selm, the I’m-gay-for-Lady-Maria-or-anything-that-moves-in-BB-Bitch™. ok bitch if I’m being honest I wrote yours last so my brain is FRIED. so everything i say from here is raw from the HEARt cause that’s all I got left. But anyhow, we savin’ the best for last! honestly, i didn’t expect you to barge into my life like that. i really didn’t. i was just gonna keep admiring with my 7 feet (2.1336 meters) pole. I’m glad you made the first move because look where we are wtf 🧍‍♀️ friends??? I wouldn’t believe you if you told me that in 2014 when I first followed you lmao. 

You’re such a kind soul. I know you may disagree but I’m determined to convince you. I can’t tell you how much I want to thank you for taking the time to talk to me during my rough bits. It’s like sitting on a wooden bench in a park during sunset and you sit next to me, just enjoying the vast sky. You radiate such peaceful energy. It’s very calming. Or you know, 2 seconds later i’m suddenly suplexed by your 40 tons of insults like what-- 

Thank you for everything, so far. Truly. It’s been so fun listening to you talk about your Bloodborne journey and see your reactions live. It’s been so fun to see you post your graphics and it continues to blow me away. It’s been so fun hearing about your life and the stories of your adulthood. Every words that we have exchanged, I hold dearly to my heart--more than you ever know. Love u bitch.

[corruptedbunny-multimuse]

TEN LAYERS OF CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT ft. PANYA

>>>  COPY N PASTE TO REPOST,  DO NOT REBLOG MINE, with the information of your muse,  including headcanons.

tagged by: @deisbookofdemons

tagging: whoever wants to do this--

LAYER ONE : THE OUTSIDE.

name: "Panya.”

eye color: "Violet.”

hair style/color: "Black fire. Usually kind of a mess.”

clothing style: "Kinda depends on how I’m feeling at the time...”

best physical feature: “Uh... my glasses, I guess?”

LAYER TWO: THE INSIDE.

your fears: “Dying in general? Duh.”

your guilty pleasures: “Uh... mostly drawing stupid stuff. What? Shitposts are fun!”

your biggest pet peeve(s): “Realizing way too late I was DRAWING ON THE WRONG LAYER.”

your ambition for the future: “Just becoming a professional animator.”

LAYER THREE: THOUGHTS

your first thoughts waking up: "Gibberish, usually.”

what you think about the most: "Did I save?”

what you think about before bed: “Sleepy...”

you think your best quality is: "Probably my drawing?”

LAYER FOUR: WHAT’S BETTER?

single or group dates: “Single dates.”

to be loved or respected: “Why not both?”

beauty or brains: "Brains.”

dogs or cats: "Cats!”

LAYER FIVE: DO YOU?

lie: "...I may lie about if I slept occasionally.”

believe in yourself: "Sometimes.”

believe in love: "Duh, of course.”

want someone: "Maybe...”

LAYER SIX: EVER?

been on stage: "Nooooooooo.”

done drugs: "Nope.”

changed who you were to fit in: "Nah.”

LAYER SEVEN: FAVORITES

favorite color: “Purple.”

favorite animal: "Cats.”

favorite movie: "I have to pick one?”

favorite game: "Pokemon Mystery Dungeon.”

LAYER EIGHT: AGE.

day your next birthday will be: “...I forgot when I was made.”

how old will you be: "Um...”

does age matter: "Depends on what you mean. For certain things? Of course!”

LAYER NINE: IN A PARTNER.

best personality: "Don’t care.”

best eye color: "Doesn’t matter.”

best hair color: "Don’t care.”

best thing to do with a partner: "Just chilling.”

LAYER TEN: FINISH THE SENTENCE [IC].

I love: "Mac and cheese.”

I feel: "Hungry.”

I hide: "At home.”

I miss: “Nothing much.”

I wish: "I weren’t so lazy.”

[chibimonkey]

I reblogged something to my ffamranxii sideblog the other day. It wasn’t political, or a shitpost, or fandom-related. All it said was “the person I reblogged this from is someone I enjoy seeing on my dash.” I’ll admit I did it for purely selfish reasons. I wanted someone to reblog it from me. For them to see it and go “oh hey ffamranxii posts some neat shit” and to tell me through the act of reblogging that, even if I’m just posting some cute unrelated shit, or reblogging a meta discussion, or a cool fanart, that they notice me. That for one brief, microscopic minute I am a blip in someone else’s radar. That I exist, and for just a second, even if it’s because I posted some thing they also like, someone appreciates that I do.

No one reblogged it. Not a single person. I have over nine hundred followers on that blog, who reblog my fandom shit all the time, but this? In this one small thing, I’m invisible.

I know it’s stupid. It’s not like this is even the first time. All my oc posts, and anything where I try and talk about how I’m having a bad time, is just... overlooked. I talk about shouting into the void a lot, but that doesn’t really get my point across. I feel unseen and unheard. I feel completely invisible, no matter how hard I try not to be. I feel like a glitch in the matrix - unwanted, and not supposed to be here in the first place.

I’ve felt like this since I was three or four years old. I remember asking from a very young age what’s wrong with me, why can’t I be like normal kids? Why can’t I talk to people, and why don’t they listen? It’s like their eyes slide right over me, and my words go in one ear and out the other. I had a breakdown the other day to my mom. About how I’m not okay, how I’ve been very obviously not okay for years, and how I feel useless and ugly and incompetent. She just stood there and didn’t say anything, didn’t move a muscle as I was crying to her that I feel like no one cares about me or wants me around and how if it weren’t for my cats I wouldn’t even be alive right now. She didn’t follow me upstairs when I was done. She never brought it up at all.

I’ve been hearing “it gets better” since I was fifteen years old and that is absolutely not fucking true. Every single year, no matter how hard I try and how much faith I have in that statement - “it gets better” - my life gets worse. I’m thirty now, and in the past fifteen years I’ve been abused and assaulted and insulted; I’ve been thrown out of my home by my abusive ex and again by my father. I’ve been gaslighted and lied to and manipulated. I lost a child and had her replaced by cats - cats I love, dearly, but cats nonetheless; and I’ve had to sit back and watch them be abused by my then boyfriend and neglected by my parents, whose house I can’t afford to leave. I was overworked and bullied and harassed so horrifically at my past two jobs that I became suicidal and started self harming after having stopped for six years, and I am now so terrified of people I can’t leave my house, and barely manage to leave my bed. My therapist dumped me out of the blue, and said me and my life were too much for her. I and my cat children are regularly insulted by my father, to the point where I dread when he’s home, even if he’s asleep. I lost all my friends, and most days I think I never had any to begin with. I reached out, again and again, to my family and people who told me they cared, and been rebuffed or ignored at every turn. It doesn’t get better.

I spend between twelve and seventeen hours a day in bed, most of it asleep and the rest just curled into a ball. My appetite is gone. My hygiene is bad, because for six months during my last job I broke down every single day in the shower over everything happening to me, and the thought of standing in the shower now still fills me with dread and unease. I don’t have insurance, and my money is almost gone, so I can’t see a doctor and try to get medicated for my depression again, and I’m terrified of being dropped abruptly by another therapist. I lost a front tooth due to shoddy dental work and can’t afford to replace it, and no dental office or oral surgeon around takes Medicaid, even if I was on it, and I’m so embarrassed to speak with a missing front tooth that I just... don’t, most days. Nothing holds my interest anymore. I used to love to read and watch tv and draw and play video games and write, but I lose focus after twenty minutes, and my last attempt at posting my writing - the latest chapter to a fic that had a handful of followers - was met with silence, and now when I try I’m filled with self doubt so terrible I just give up.

And no one, no matter how much I blatantly state I want them to, has ever asked me if I’m okay. It’s like screaming in a crowded room and no one even notices me, not unless they need a scapegoat to vent their own frustrations. I can’t even open my mouth anymore without my father screaming “SHHHHHH STOP YELLING,” so I don’t. I don’t have a support system. I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m not okay, and I just want someone to give a shit about that. I hate myself so much, and every single day I hate myself more and more. It doesn’t fucking get better. I TRIED. I tried so hard. But there’s something wrong with me, something about me that makes people look at me and go “fuck that bitch.” I mean, at my last job, my then boyfriend was diagnosed with cancer and nearly died, and I had to take time off to be with him because we thought he WAS going to die, and NO ONE ever asked me if he or I were okay. I came back my first day and was immediately written up for something I didn’t do and wasn’t allowed to dispute and my coworkers all called me “what’s her face” or “move.” Like. Who does that?

There’s something wrong with me, some critical update that other people got in their How To Be A Person software that I just don’t have. That’s glaringly obviously missing when I try and interact with people. And I know life isn’t the same as on tv but... other people have friends and family who support them, don’t they? Isn’t that, like, a real thing? Why don’t I? Why doesn’t anybody care?

Honestly, I’m expecting the same reception here that I got on my sideblog and with my mother. I just. Need. To get this off my chest, because I haven’t left my room in three days or my house in over a month or talked to another person in I don’t know how long and every time I bring that up as an example of not being okay I feel like no one else feels that way. Like maybe I’M wrong for thinking that’s not normal. And then I just spiral again about how there’s something wrong with me.

[caprisonnne]

So I haven't been here in a while. I think we all had rough year but I got in a really bad spot. I got hit by a depression because of politics at the begining of the year, then covid came as I was in my final semester at graphic school. I had to postpone my exams to autumn but I kept procastinating and in the end I spend july and august just working on my semetral project. My computer died during this which just added to my stress. All my energy put into my final project only for my teacher to not let me pass. It was from a huge part my fault but their attitude was also pretty shitty, especially towards my classmates who also postponned. I just kind of turned off social media and I needed break. I spend days doing nothing but graphics stuff and animating and I had to take time to turn off. So I played some games and finally started drawing things for myself again. Im better now and Im starting new school where I will be studying again animation and I know It's hard school but I'm excited. I missed doing animation. Some projects at graphic school were fun but I'm not as good at it and I don't enjoy it as much. I feel like I haven't drawn much fanart or art for me in general for about two years. Last year at school was also pretty hard and I had to focus on 3D projects which was the main thing of that grade. I want to get back to fandom and draw stupid comics and draw fanarts for all the new things I started to enjoy. I really want to start being active on tumblr again and draw more, I still like tumblr the most even after everyone left after the great censorship lol. Idk if this is just rant or if anyone reads these but just wanted to put my thoughts somewhere.  I never really interacted with tumblr or followers but maybe someone is curious what was up with me. That I'm not dead and hopefully can get back to simping for pharmaratchet and shitposting in general lol. Hopefully I will have time with new school starting but I really want to try. 

[spacenintendogs]

warning: LONG AND RAMBLE-Y POST

i've been thinking lately about the way i look at star fox and how i make my headcanons and art and what i share with my writing and stuff.

i notice i... tend to be a lot more... "light hearted" (i can't think of a better word) than most people, i think. basing off what i see on twitter, on tumblr, on discord, from fanfics and fanart or to the current independent projects going on such as afis, ppl like diving into the "darker" side of things for one reason or another, whether it's for personal reasons or just emotional potential if sf was made to be more than nintendo's testing ground for new game mechanics they want to try, or bc it just sounds cool.

i see it a lot, and while not one thing is a universal headcanon, i always can't help but feel like

i'm missing smth.

everything i make the majority of the time is a shitpost (i'm hilarious) or when i do something more serious it's nothing extremely deep or has layers, nor do i ever truly go into the "dark" territory (dealing with complicated or sensitive subjects). my "serious" stuff will be vague art or it'll be extremely straightforward or not the most devastating thing in the world.

i question myself as to why i have a habit of shitposting so much, of why whenever i'm constantly thinking of scenarios i see sf and sw being more relaxed with each other when they're not fighting or whatever or that they'd even eventually become friends and sargasso becomes star wold and star fox hq with the great fox being their main transport and fox and wolf are both in charge and work together- anyways

i constantly worry that the more genuine stuff i make is ooc. constantly. it's smth i can never truly shake and if i will, it's going to take a while. i've been trying to hard to not go and delete all of my fics from ao3 bc of that fear. i fear me projecting onto wolf so much has skewed me being able to see him for the character he is. i fear that i'm so off with my portrayals with everyone bc i tend to be so silly that when i try to be more serious no one will take it... seriously.

i don't hate deeper stuff or thinking abt the potential of there being layers or a darker side to things or more serious stuff. i have my own hcs and stuff i haven't shared, mostly out of again, fear. i have a bunch of stuff abt wolf, fox, all of them i haven't shared bc i'm scared, and i also don't see a point in me sharing my personal thoughts beyond simple things (except when ppl ask) or simple hcs bc.... mine?? in the grand scheme of everything i think don't... matter.

and ik i need to stop thinking that.

but?? darker stuff isn't my strongsuit. i can think and visualize in my head like no tomorrow, but putting everything into words when asked, i'm AWFUL. i always feel bad whenever i reblog those ask memes asking my opinions bc my mind blanks and idk how to explain. but when no one asks i can write a whole fucking essay with details that don't matter

i think the reason i tend to do more light hearted stuff is bc... i want to make ppl smile. that's rlly all i want. and i want to have fun doing my hobbies like drawing and writing and i want to extend the fun to others. even my more serious stuff, like my most recent fic i posted to ao3 wolf and fox have ptsd, i can never ever dive ALL the way in, i can never have a sad ending with what i post even if i think of a thing and it had a sad ending. bc of that, honestly my most recent fic's writing feels super choppy and ooc to me.

i like being optimistic, but i don't want to come across as naive. i don't want to come across as a stupid, happy go lucky idiot. i don't want to come across as annoying. and if i stop being optimistic on here, then my cynical nature will be here full force. i'm more pessimistic irl, i rlly am. i'm not all doom and gloom but i tend to dwell on the negative and that's probably why i hate everything i create despite enjoying creating

but if i'm so happy in my portrayals and everything's fine.... but everyone else tends to look deeper, not even all dark and stuff, but more layers and more meaningful, either my critical thinking skills are shit or i'm just missing smth. i'm not sure it's a bad thing bc my friends enjoy what i make and they say they love what i do.

but i don't want my silliness with sf to make my serious stuff have less meaning to it bc all i do is be ridiculous.

so am i missing smth?

[themockingcrows]

Whisper Just For Me: Ch. 16: Beyond

All good things must come to an end. Sometimes, though, the end is just the beginning. CW: Major character death This chapter is available on AO3!

((The end of the fic! Thank you so much for reading, it’s really meant a lot to me. And I’m so sorry the ending took so long to get out! Between the surgeries, recovery time, mental health and school, things have been hectic to say the least. If you stuck around, you’ve got my love forever. <3 Ryn, over and out.))

     By the time the cast came off and you’d started doing physical therapy at home, you felt it was time to try explaining to Dave all the things you had found. Life had returned to normal more or less, with Jade and her research keeping Dave’s returning strength and habits dialed in to where they could be tracked again. Everything was looking positive, and you couldn’t be happier. Your family was whole again, and life was good.

     Now to rip the bandaid off, you supposed. Now when it was private and quiet, when Jade wasn’t around and it would just be the two of you.

     With Dave zipping around the room rustling papers one day, you decided it was time. If he passed on… well. You had confidence you’d see him again somehow. Your beliefs had expanded over time to well beyond what they were before, and with it came a sense of serenity in things. If you could find Dave again after all that had happened, if fate itself seemed intent on making sure that you could be reunited somehow, then surely it made sense that it would keep going even longer afterwards into the unknown.

     You knelt down carefully, still babying your formerly broken leg as it got stronger, and rummaged under your bed for the things you’d brought back from Dave’s Bro. The raglan shirt, the different drawings, the picture of the smuppet, the photograph of Dave on the sofa. With a deep sense of inner peace, you set them all out on the floor and sat back on your ass to look them over when you felt the warmth near your shoulder.

     “Do you see all these clearly?” you asked, wanting to be sure.

     … Yes …

     “...Do you want to touch them?” you asked, offering control of your arms again. “I don’t mind. They’re… they’re yours, after all.”

     Did Dave recognize them, or not? He seemed intrigued, if nothing else. He didn’t take control of your arms, but remained near your head and shoulders, hovering and staring intently at the different things as if he were a mongoose staring down a snake. You reached for the picture of him on the couch and smiled.

     “You still look this good, I hope you know. Just more red.”

     Dave was silent, but he smiled. Okay. He could recognize himself at least. Or he couldn’t and he could take a compliment when he heard one. Sometimes it was a little hard to tell how Dave’s brain worked, but it was generally positive so whatever. 

     Setting the picture down, you pulled up the image of the smuppet and ran a thumb over the surface of the polaroid as if imagining the texture of the fabric, trying to pretend you could feel it, could smell it. Trying to practically will it into existing in the same room.

     “Your uh. ...Your brother said this was one of your favorite toys growing up,” you explained, smile faltering a bit. The warmth went chilly for the briefest of seconds, wavering, before it warmed again. Dave was reaching for the picture with his transparent fingers, imitating the stroking motion you’d done right beforehand.

     ...I remember…

     Okay. That was a start. He remembered and was still there. Good.

     You felt a chill in your stomach that made you want to put everything away, suddenly. A deep instinctive urge to hide, to keep things safe, to buckle down and ignore everything around you for a while. To keep Dave safe.

     Safe from what? If he moved on… then it was what he was meant to do. He’d be at peace. You’d meet again. And that was all theoretical anyway, stop panicking! Ease up, Egbert, it’s a picture of a smuppet.

     You reach for the shirt next and hold it after displaying the pattern on the front, grinning at Dave again despite the growing panic in the back of your chest.

     “Your shirt’s kinda dorky, but apparently you liked it a lot? You liked videogames too, and music… I think Jade has some of the songs you used to like to listen to, we’ll have to ask her to play them later.” You’d been avoiding them for some reason since getting Dave back, just letting things go back to how they’d once been instead of adding even more new things into the mix. Too much too fast was bad, you assumed. ...Yet here you were, discussing an entire short life in one go.

     ...Better than yours…

     “Hey, my clothes are great thank you.”

     As if to make a point, Dave darted away to the drawers and opened them, tossing out socks and shorts left and right while you protested, before rattling things in the closet and darting back in a red haze like a flash. 

     “Okay, okay, geeze. Either way, we’ve got this now. Do you want me to set it out somewhere for you? Or.. like. I don’t know, should I wear it when you’re in charge sometime?”

     Would it be weird to wear your dead boyfriend’s shirt that he used to wear when he was alive if you never knew him when he was alive to begin with? Something in your head said that was probably kind of weird, but then again you’ve been wrong before so… who knew anymore. Things were complicated when you were dating a ghost.

     A lot of societal rules and standards either didn’t apply or needed to be invented on the spot.

     Dave did a lazy turn in the air like an otter before rustling the other items like a breeze to catch your attention once more, apparently enthralled by his own work. You picked up the cartoony image with a smirk, having to hold it sideways at an angle to read it properly as if it were some secret code and not the oldest shitpost you’d ever seen in your fucking life.

     “You made this, huh? What’s it of? Like, who are these guys?”

     ...Sweet Bro… Hella Jeff… Geromy…

     Instinctively, you’re aware of who each of them probably are, and you’re pleased when a quick verification with Dave proved you were correct on the first shot. It was brilliant really. Strange, surreal, silly, and nonsensical in just the right way to make you wish there was an entire book of these drawings. If Dave had lived, maybe there would have been and that’s the only way you’d have known him: as an adoring fan among many to an older man with a talent for drawing funny cartoons. ...If you could even classify these guys as cartoons.

     They kind of defied description in the way a jpeg artifact tended to bounce around on shitty video clips that dropped pixels faster than you could drop yourself down the stairs on roller skates with a running start.

     The more realistic art, the sketches, you hesitated on most. Finally, you picked one up and cleared your throat uncomfortably. 

     “This uh. ...You know who this is, yeah?”

     Dave was quiet again, and you had to look over your shoulder to try judging if this was a bad idea or not. He was still, quiet, staring. His face was hard to decipher, mostly because it seemed to be fading in and out from the red mass to the wispy figure you knew and loved. 

     ...Bro…

     “Right,” you said, clearing your throat again. It felt like you had heartburn, a cold sweat on your brow and acid roiling in your stomach. “We uhm. Jade and I met him. We talked a lot about things. About you. He’s the one who gave us most of these things. We heard about when you were a baby, and when you were a teen.”

     There came the unsteady lump of panic again. Where had the serenity gone? The sense of peace and calm that said this was a good idea earlier? Long gone.

     “We also uhm. ...We learned how you died, Dave. Do.. do you remember?”

     Stupid question. Dave looked tense, uncertain, and even more wavery than before. Of course he didn’t remember, that was one of the main reasons he was still around, wasn’t it?

     “It…”

     Were you ready for this? You could feel tears in your eyes. It was now or never.

     “It was your heart, Dave. You had a heart problem, and passed away really fast outside. Nobody knew it was coming or that anything was wrong. Your… Your Bro’s sorry. He’s eaten alive about it, wishes he’d never pushed you as hard as he did in the heat. He misses you. He-”

     The red light was brilliant to your eyes, bright enough that you needed to shield your vision for a moment with a hand, peeking between your fingers to try finding the source. Dave. It had to be Dave. Where was he? Where was he in this sea of red? The warmth that had been radiating off of him dissipated till it was cool and comforting instead. Soothing as a balm to fevered flesh, soft and gentle as touch.

     When the light faded, Dave was standing to your side. Physically standing, not floating, looking solid as anything. His face was pale with a splash of freckles, hair ruffled as if wind had been playing through it, red eyes bright as rubies. He was wearing the same shirt you’d brought out from under the bed, making you double take back to it to make sure it wasn’t in fact the same shirt. Black jeans smoothed down skinny legs with the baggy ends threadbare in the back where his tennis shoes had been scuffing them to Hell and back. His chest wasn’t rising or falling, but he had color to his cheeks, and a smile on his lips.

     You scrambled to your feet once you registered what the fuck had happened, or… at least were trying to understand what the fuck was happening. 

     “Dave? Dave what’s going on. I don’t like this,” you say, before even registering what came out of your mouth. Your skin felt soothed, your body felt light, even the residual ache in your leg was gone. Peace was in the air, but you felt like you were having trouble breathing, leading to the conclusion that you were, in fact, panicking.

     This was a panic attack.

     “Dave? Say something, Dave, what’s happening.”

     You knew what was happening. You reminded him how he died. He knew now. He remembered. He remembered everything, remembered his former life, remembered himself and his world and time. Remembered his Bro.

     “...John,” Dave said, his voice just as solid as it felt when he talked inside your head, but the rush of blood in your ears was making it harder to hear over the whooshing. You needed air. This wasn’t supposed to be happening, you didn’t want this.

     Except you did. You didn’t want to be selfish and keep Dave in limbo forever. You didn’t want to keep him hidden in your pocket till your own death, leaving him potentially trapped. This was the right thing to do. In your heart of hearts you knew this was the right thing to do.

     “John,” he said again. “Thank you. For everything. For every single second,” Dave said to you. He reached out with his too solid hands and clasped yours with both of his, giving them a squeeze. He was cool to the touch, like weather worn fleshy marble. When you didn’t squeeze back, he released your hands in favor of hugging you tight around the middle, nuzzling his face against the side of your neck like a cat seeking somewhere warm to perch and snuggle.

     “Why are you thanking me for that?” you asked. Fuck, you were crying. You could feel the snot running down your throat already, the tears stinging your eyes. “I love you, Dave. I only did what I’ve done because I love you.”

     “...I love you too, John Egbert” he said, and you knew in your heart of hearts that he meant it.

     Finally remembering that you could lift your arms, you clung tight to him, digging your fingers into the fabric of his shirt as if it would anchor him in place and keep him from going anywhere. You hiccuped for breath, head spinning. Too much was happening at once.

     “Am I going to see you again?” you asked. “You’d know better than me, right? I will, won’t I?”

     “John..” Dave said softly, not answering the question. It wasn’t helping the panic or the sadness ripping your heart in half.

     “Tell me!” you demanded. “This isn’t the end, is it? This isn’t happily ever after, I don’t accept it. We’ll be together again, right?”

     “Wait for me, John,” he said softly against your ear. The panic died as if it had never been there, so suddenly that your knees tried to give way. Dave held you tight and kept you upright, kept you from falling to the ground. In that brief moment, Dave was the rock and tether that you’d been for so long.

     “How long do I have to wait?” you asked, clenching your eyes shut to focus on everything you could while you could. His smell, the way his skin felt under his shirt, the way his hair felt against your neck. Things you had gotten hints of all this time, whispers of, but never anything this solid.

     It wasn’t fair.

     Why were you able to get everything you wanted right as it was leaving?

     “How long,” you croaked again, but Dave either didn’t have an answer or couldn’t answer. Instead, he looked towards the door of your room, watching it open on its own to display the hall to the living room. You could hear music playing distantly, and warmth of a summer that wasn’t there was coming in with the soft afternoon light. “Please. Please tell me. Dave, please, how long…”

     “You’ll know,” Dave finally said, giving another hard squeeze around your middle, hesitating leaving. Did he want to stay? Or was it just a residual tug of want? Who would give up their ever after just to stick around in someone’s necklace in an incorporeal state forever?

     Nobody. Not even you, not even for Dave, and you knew it even if you hated it.

     “When I come for you, I’ll have to whisper so you know it’s me,” he said quietly by your ear again. Only loud enough for you to hear, trying to burn the words into your memory. You’d know his voice when it was softer than when it was louder, it was true. He’d been a ghost so long, that whispery, barely there tone was what you expected every time you woke up or went to sleep.

     How were you could to live without that. 

     “Yeah. I’ll listen for you. I’ll listen for you every day,” you said. You didn’t need to promise. It’d be instinct by now, holding out hope that he’d come back.

     When Dave released your middle, he reached his hands up to clasp either side of your face so he could kiss you properly. Your teeth got in the way briefly, clicking together with his smaller straighter ones, but it didn’t deter him in the slightest from deepening the kiss almost immediately. You held your breath to make it last, taking a deep breath when he finally pulled back and took a step away.

     “I love you, John.” He said it again as if willing you to remember it. “I always will. Listen for me.”

     He turned and walked to the hall, towards the living room. The door suddenly slammed behind him, prompting you to unfreeze from position and rush forwards, yanking it open to the proper season and lighting that was meant to be there again.

     No Dave.

     Dave was gone.

     Your pendant was cool on your neck, the air of peace and nearly Heavenly compassion was in the room. Your house was cleansed and clear of all spirits, and rested empty and lifeless for the first time in decades. Everything was peaceful, except for the storm in your chest. You made your way to bed with the raglan shirt pressed to your chest and cried harder than you thought you ever had in your life. It was the same place Jade found you later. It was the same place you stayed for the better part of a week, grieving what you had.

     Love hurt, and life wasn’t fair, but you knew one thing at least: you loved Dave Strider, and you were waiting to hear his voice again. ...You also knew this wasn’t what he would have wanted.

     Life would have to go on, even if it felt like it shouldn’t.

- - - - - - - - - - - 

      Your name was John Egbert.

     You had been a leader in the field of parapsychology and the paranormal in general. Along with Jade Harley, you had made many advancements in the field of science along with your own research into spirits and their habits. You had worked together to make devices to track spirits voices, making the inaudible audible to the naked ear, you’d helped come up with ideas to further make the invisible visible. 

     You lived a good life. The classes at colleges you taught lectures at were always full to the brim with curious people, and the true believers were always excited to shake your hand. It was charming, really. An honor.

     Every day your routine had been the same, for decades now. Wake up, hold your pendant, and check for a voice. Always before bed, hold your pendant, check for a voice. There had been no voice, and so many times you’d wanted to give up listening, but you couldn’t help yourself.

     New loves had come and gone, nothing staying for very long. You were happy with your life, though. It was a fulfilling life full of good times and smiles and laughter. You hoped Dave could see some of what was happening to you, even if the machinery never picked anything up around you that had the same signature Dave used to have. No red mists, no impish blondes darting around rustling your papers. Just normal poltergeists and spirits stuck in their routines, the rare intelligent haunting that you could help find the light the same way you’d found Dave’s for him.

     You didn’t regret freeing him. 

     ...But fuck did you miss him.

     Your name was John Egbert not long ago.

     You’d gone to bed with an upset stomach and some tingling in your arms, deciding it was a leftover of the flu you’d had recently instead of anything to worry about. Early to bed, early to rise. Jade had a meeting planned in the morning, some new developments were underway to fine tune the audio scanner with some new technology that had recently been invented, something that would halve the size of the current devices and amplify their power by at least twofold. Couldn’t miss that.

     You lay down, clasped your pendant, and said Dave’s name like a prayer to ward away the boogeyman.

     Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray my ghost my soul to keep.

     Your chest felt kind of funny when you lay down and it felt harder to breathe, but nothing too dramatic. More flu shenanigans. Something felt.. ...Something felt... strange though.

     Your name was John Egbert.

     And then it wasn’t.

     You were laying still and watching the ceiling before sitting up, feeling ten times better than how you’d lain down earlier.

     “...John...”

     You froze and looked around.

     “Dave?” It had to be, that voice was familiar to you even after all this time. 

     “...John…”

     You got out of bed at a jump and paused, frowning. When had you last been able to do that? It’d been ages. Slowly, you looked back towards the bed where John Egbert lay still as if sleeping. 

     Your name used to be John Egbert, but you suppose it still is. You’re kind of new to this being dead thing. Were there two John Egbert’s now? The dead one and the more lively dead one? Was the soul still considered the same entity right now? So many questions from your research clouded your mind that your first instinct was to call Jade to discuss it with her, before you felt the touch to your shoulder. Spinning around, startled, you nearly slapped Dave in the face with a flailing arm.

     He smirked a bit.

     “John.”

     “Dave? ...Dave. Dave,” you said, voice breaking briefly before it came out as a croak. Ghosts could cry apparently. You didn’t feel the unpleasant sensation of breathlessness, but you could feel tears on your cheeks before laughing. “You asshole, you made me wait so fucking long.”

     “You were busy, thought I’d come back later when you could use a break,” Dave said, reaching up to grasp either side of your face, kissing you before you could think too hard on it.

     “Dave I’m. I mean I. But I. ….Oh God, Jade’s going to- Oh. ...Dave, oh my God I’m dead. Dave I died,” you said, staggering through the sudden wash of sorrow as it hit you. There was still so much to do, one life wasn’t enough for everything you had planned. “I never finished writing that piano piece, and Jade’s.. Fuck…”

     He held you as you processed things, letting your mind catch up. Letting you calm down. There was nothing but time now, wasn’t there? Or.. wait.

     “Am I… am I going to stay here as a ghost?” you asked, worrying. Were you going to be separated again? Was it your turn to exist in flux?

     “No. You get to come to the chill place, if you want. It’s pretty sweet. Bro was pretty shocked when he turned up too, but he wasn’t as up on shit as you are.”

     “If I want? I get to choose?”

     “For a bit. If you’ve got business left, I mean,” Dave said. “Like with Jade. ...Your Dad’s excited to see you again, too.”

     “Dad,” you said quietly. You’d been so focused on listening for Dave that you hadn’t even considered how big of a family reunion you were in for when you finally met your maker. Your Nana, your Dad, your aunt and uncle, your grandfather you’d never met. Hell, even Sassacre probably. 

     “How long do I have?” you ask, giving another look to the John on the bed. He seemed peaceful, relaxed. It’d been quick and painless.

     “Long as you need to finish up business,” Dave said. “...Should I amscray while you take care of shit o-”

     “Dave, if you disappear now of all times I’m going to figure out how to haunt people and haunt you till you die again.”

     “Okay, okay, shit, chill. I was just offerin’.” he said, tucking his hands into his pockets with a smile. “Want some company while you do errands?”

     “Yeah. I’d like that.”

 - - - - - - - - - - - - -

     Your name is Jade Harley, and man do your joints hurt, but the flowers aren’t going to tend themselves are they.

     You heft some of the potting soil into the pot and gently stroke it over the previously exposed roots of the flowering plant as if you were tucking in a baby. Next came the water, a steady shower from above till the soil was damp, and then came the time to heft everything to the other table.

     John’s funeral had been a month ago, and while you were still sad… you also knew better than to fret. For one, your research had calmed your thoughts to the beyond years ago already. Matter can neither be created nor destroyed. For another, getting to know more about Dave had been an adventure in your youth that shaped the entire world from scratch.

     For yet another, you got a personal goodbye from the John you used to know in your younger years, hand in hand with a pretty young blonde man you knew from a photograph and images on screens from early developed machines of your own creation.

     Sometimes, you could swear you still were being watched by the pair of them, but you were too lazy to go find your equipment to double check. What would you even be double checking? If he was having ghost makeouts or something?

     You wipe your brow and look over your work with a smile. The funeral home had given some depressing little potted plant, and a sickly looking tree sapling as a memorial. This was better by miles.

     “You see, John?” you said aloud to your guardian angel. “Perfect.”

     If you were John Egbert, you’d have to agree. It was a handsome plant in a handsome pot, and it would blossom like crazy because Jade was the one who’d tended it.

     But you’re not John Egbert.

     You are Jade Harley, and John Egbert’s story has ended, arm in arm with the spirit he’d been chasing for so long and finally caught.

[mahou-goth]

Today is the 2nd birthday of my art blog! Maybe this is sort of silly, but I've been reflecting a lot lately, so I'll probably get rambly and sappy and serious and other bullshit. Under the cut!

TW: suicide ment, parental death

I remember when I was in early high school I was always kind of in awe that people could get so invested into something that they'd make fanart for it constantly. I'd see it a lot! But back then my hyperfixations would only last a couple weeks before I got tired of it and moved on to something else. There was never anything consistent enough that I'd want to draw fanart, even back when RWBY first came out it was the same thing. I'd be obsessed for a while! And then move on.

But two years ago on a whim I decided to make this art blog. I was honestly so sure that I'd start it, get tired of it within a couple weeks, and ultimately just delete it. But I actually got involved with the community! I saw so many amazing and inspiring artists! I read fun theories, fanfics, ideas, analysis, etc! Before long RWBY became a staple in my life. I related to a lot of the characters and their struggles, especially Yang. And with the hope of Bumbleby becoming a real possibility and being so well written, I was hooked. In the summer of 2018 between volumes 5 and 6, I lost my dad. He wasn't my biological father--that man left me when I was very young. I don't even remember him being much of a presence in my life aside from the very rare times he's visit for a couple hours. For a long time I wanted to have some sort of a relationship with him, but he let me down time and time again with false promises. He added me on Facebook a couple months before my dad died, and I remember just going off on him about how I felt. After so long of wanting him to, y'know, be my dad, when he came to me that time I was just done. I told him how I felt and that was that. I had a dad, you know? So when James, my dad passed it just felt really unfair. 15+ years of wanting a father figure in my life only to finally find someone and then have him taken away so unexpectedly. It's like a cruel joke.

During that time, RWBY became a distraction. Volume 6 teasers started popping up, the fandom was becoming more active again, it helped a little bit. I think the worst of it was right around when volume 6 was probably about halfway through. Grief really fucks up a lot for you. I became a really angry person, I isolated myself from friends, told everyone multiple times there was no way I'd be able to support anyone emotionally, and I left some awful friendships. Even my girlfriend at the time, who knew what this sort of grief was like, tried to hold on to me so tightly that it's ultimately what ended up pushing me away even further. A lot of things just kept going wrong. I remember being downtown by the river one night cause I wanted to get away from everything for a bit, and I just really missed my dad. I missed him a lot. The thought of "If you miss him so much, why not just join him?" ran through my head a lot, staring at the water. It was a little scary.

As stupid as this may sound, clinging so much to a show, "I want to know what happens next." was the simplest response that kept me going. Seeing a new episode every week and then coming on here to see all the new fanart, the wild theories and analysis, all the way down to the smallest things that likely didn't mean anything. (Like Blake taking One Whole step closer to Yang when they told everyone Oscar was missing.) That goofy excitement and seeing so many happy posts made a lot of the grief bearable. It was my first time having to deal with such a life changing loss, but RWBY and its community softened the blow a little, and I'm really grateful for that.

I think some people don't quite understand that. My ex got annoyed that I just wanted to watch RWBY, read stuff about it, draw for it. I tried to explain it to her a few different times like... why I wanted to focus on it so much, and she'd understand for a while. But she'd always get frustrated again a few days later. I tried to do the right thing and break it off a couple times because I just wasn't able to maintain a relationship, but it just sort of... kept dragging on before I finally put my foot down and called it quits for good.

On the other hand, others did understand why RWBY was so important to me, and still tried to chase me from the community anyways due to some issues with my platonic partners coping in unhealthy ways with trauma. (That was a looooong talk with them;; but it all turned out okay and they're doing better.) They knew all of this. I was really scared for a while. Not that I'd lose followers or that people blocked me, I didn't care about that. I was scared that I'd lose the only way I've found that's helped me cope with losing my dad.

I knew grieving was a hard process, but I never thought it'd be so difficult for others to let me grieve. And for me to let myself grieve. Maybe it's dumb to rely so much on a show to help me get through the hard days, but if it helps me that's all that really matters. Volume 7 will be here before we know it and I am beyond excited. Regardless of how much shit people have tried to throw at me and how cruel others are, a lot of good has come from it too. I've experimented more with my art and have tried to improve in areas I've always been too nervous to try cause of how bad I am at them. I've made some really awesome friends!! And I hope to talk to more people and possibly collab with artists! And! I reconnected with an old friend who is now my girlfriend by getting her into RWBY, and of course the bees. :P

I feel like this whole post is a big jumbled mess, but really I'm just so beyond thankful for this whole community. I'm thankful for the people who enjoy my art and continue to support me and I'm grateful for all the fun content people make for it, from fanart to analysis to shitposts. It's all helped me so much.

It's been a really wild 2 years and I'm stuck in this fandom for a long time. Nothing and no one will change that. ♥

[alaughingfreak]

Hey, sorry for my absence- underneath is a long vent,,thing about it all. it’s long and stupid but whatever

I’ve kinda died on here unfortunately. Tumblr just isn’t how it used to be- maybe it’s just the people I follow, the fandoms I want to see. I follow plenty of artists but whenever I go on here all I see are service announcements, horrible news about the world, things I don’t understand and the occasional shitpost.  I want to become an artist that people look up to but I’m beginning to realize I won’t ever be that person. Yes, I have art friends and I love that I can make friends through my art, but has anyone ever specifically said they look up to me? That my art inspires them to try something new, that my art has gotten them into a new fandom? No, and I’ve accepted now that that will never be the case. Nothing I draw will get me to be a freelance artist. Maybe running Deviantart species can help, but it will never be enough. Not now, not how I am. I still need to go to college for my welding certificate before I can consider going to get a degree in art- but will it be worth it? I have no idea and I never will know. I live in an area that isn’t art-savy, where the only “true art” is realism. Maybe the art college I want to go to is different. Maybe. But I can’t know that, and frankly I can’t afford that. I don’t know if I can live with the stress of student loans- I don’t know what it feels like to have them and it worries me. If I could get enough scholarships to pay for it all I would be ecstatic and take it in a heartbeat- but it won’t happen. I don’t have a great SAT, ACT, or GPA. I don’t have volunteer hours to my name. I have no outside work experience and the only thing close was helping my own team at a competition where everything went wrong.

I don’t want to put myself down, I really don’t. I want it all to go well but the anxious, desperate side of me knows better than to hope for something that could easily go wrong. I procrastinate, I struggle to exist in my own home, my own skin. 

Today, though, I’ve thought about it. Only a small bit, and this could easily change, but...I might make art a hobby again. I guess you could say it already is, but the stress of it? The stress to improve and be as good as others? It gets wearing, fast. I can’t color in the way I want, draw bodies and faces in the way I want. I haven’t drawn honest to goodness fanart in forever- years, maybe? It feels like years. I do enjoy it, but it feels more like a chore the way I’m doing it now. I don’t have that with writing though, which is how I came to this conclusion. With writing I never really cared. I never posted what I wrote- not yet, at least- but if I were to? Who cares? If no one comments on it, oh well! I can still enjoy it, I can easily fix it and revise it unlike an art piece. You can tell so much more with words than art. Frankly? Even though I know it’s not true, I can’t help but feel like my writing’s better than my art. With writing I don’t have to worry about a perspective, about the way I’ve drawn something. If the page sounds coherent and sounds good enough to read? I’m happy with it.

I didn’t really mean to go on a tangent here, but I felt like I should talk my feelings out. You all (despite most of my followers being dead followers) deserved some sort of explanation to my stupid hiatus. The simple answer? I hate tumblr. I used to love it but I can’t stand to look at my feed anymore. I see the friends I tried to make and feel so disconnected from them, like I lost them from existing slightly to the left of them. I might restart- mass delete posts that aren’t art, unfollow everyone I know here, delete sideblogs. All I do know is that I want to do something I enjoy now. I love art, I truly do, but I can’t help but jump from one thing to another. I try to fight it all the time but for what? Why not write? I have the sudden urge to, a motivation and even an idea to work with, so why shouldn’t I? I still have things I need to do, things to work on with art but I can’t focus purely on that anymore. I need a break, even if it’s just from one medium to the next.

Despite everything though, progress is progress and I sure as hell hope I’ve made some.

[marcellaisnotme]

to everyone.

to all the amazing people that light up my 2019, let's continue our journey to 2020. 2019 has been pretty amazing to me than last year and i'm rather excited for what's going to come on 2020. its a bit frightening but at the same time i'm ready to face it.

i'm dedicating each of you who got this page a personal message <3

let me start it with my loving Ren ♡ we met not that long ago but long enough for me to call you a special friend. i love hanging out with you, i love ranting everything to you cause you're a really good listener, advisor and most importantly a really great sidekick. okno. you know what to say to make me feel better and i admire that you can think of so much in a short amount of time. the way you handle everything is very responsible and careful, i look up to you alot. let's be more closer and share more stupid shitposts (RED VELVET PLSSS). i love you!!

Jason ♡ we known each other for a very long time but we always been pretty close to each other, but sometimes we don't talk and we argue that one time. and you went missing too but when you came back i was really excited. you were really funny and entertaining. just what i need, just what i wanted. we have a love hate relationship and we never get tired of each other and buuuu-ing each other everytime. okno. you are special to me and i cant find another jason to replace. thanks for being such a great friend. i love you!!

Juan ♡ my favorite movie partner and cuddle buddy <3 the one that would always tell stupid jokes which myself find it really funny even when it's pretty dumb. the one who never get tired of me punching you in the arm. okno. i wanna spend more time watching movies with you cause i personally hate watching movies cause i'm a book person. but when i watch it with you and hear you explaining to me everything made me love movies. pstt. only when i watch it with you <3 HAHAHA let's do more movie dates next time juan, because movies are not watch worthy without you. okno. i love you!!!

bwi ♡ as much as i find you pretty annoying and such a coward but i really know how it takes courage to do something. i know how does it feel when you feel like doing something. but it's find. i dont judge you for it ok? i was just messing around with you cause your reaction is always funny i dont wanna miss it. OKNO. if you havent moved on completely, it's fine. it takes time to heal and takes time to grow. i hope you have a better life and be happy in 2020. i love you!!

Belle ♡ SINCE YOU'RE A GIRL NOW IMMA CALL YOU BELLE. okno you were a guy when we first met and first dated. okno. i can't believe we made it till today even when we dont talk that much these days. i just want you to know even when i'm very very very annoying and stoopid but i am really thankful that you were always there listening to my probs and teas :(( i'm so dramatic. wipes non existent tears. okno. be less busy so that i can kacau you more :(( i love you!!

Kitty Kou ♡ my wife :(( my husband soulmate boyfriend girlfriend my everything :(( screams i miss you so much we're not talking much this days are you THAT busy gimme attention bich :(( okno. i'm glad that you are fine now (i can see and feel it) also i dont want you to be sad no more cause you dont deserve to be :(( i'll karate anyone that tries to mess with you i swear >:( i love you soooo much you're my fav bestie ever you listen to me and play along with me cause thats what soulmates do :(( dont ever leave my side or i'm gonna tie u to me so that you wont escape HAH take that :(( i love you bb♡

Qhal ♡ you stick up to me since day-1 and thats what i love about you. you grew into a better person, you were so much braver and bolder plus happier these days and i've never been so proud of you. i hope your happiness last till next year and the following and forever. every day is a new day. you dont have to close old books and open new ones. you dont have to be someone you're not and importantly, you dont have to do things for anyone else. yourself is your top priority and always remember that you're just as important. seeing you happy makes me happy. we've been friends for god knows how long and you never left my side, ever. you're always a special friend to me. you're always in my heart. i love you!!

Irwin ♡ not gonna deny you're always there for me when i'm in an existential crisis. okno. you're such a fun and funny person to talk with. i always enjoyed talking to you because you could make and awkward situation lively with your randomness. you radiate great and positive energy that anyone around you feel better. you make me feel better when i'm sad. i hope you and jade last looooooooooong enough just like how long we've known each other. i love you!!

Tian ♡ i love talking to you and randomly being stupid with you and jason. i love how we click with each other that much it's like we're siblings. rough things happened but let's all forget about it. i hope for you happiness as you were always sad about a certain someone. it's fine to think about it. it's fine to hold onto it. cause the longer you hold on, the easier it will go away when it gets old. you should really reveal your cute daughter to everyone. cause i miss her and everyone needs to see her <3 she's amazing just like you. i love you!!

Cosmo ♡ as long as we known each other, you were the brightest person and the easiest to get along with. you always know what to do and put your heart in everything you do. i dont like seeing you being sad or depressed anymore because you weren't like that when we first met. always surround yourself with happy stuff >> me. and do things you wanna do that makes you happy. you will always be my cosmo, and i'll always be your wanda♡. i love you!!

Junguan ♡ hi bestie how u doin. okno. i am glad that you're always happy, always problem free. thanks for listening to my problems, thanks for being a great friend. i have a great laugh and a great time with you always. your reaction to my stupidness and sarcasm was always funny i'm not gonna lie. you're always the one that i believe would keep everything i tell you a secret. you're such an awesome person and a great friend. i love you !!

Xie/ Axel ♡ you're a really interesting person to talk to. aside from our past relationship. you're a really strong and a great person. you're someone that doesn't give up on anything you do and i really adore you for that. you make everything seem so funny to me idk why oKNO. but except for our snapstreak, we dont really talk mUCH. did you moveD or are you just busY cause u krik krik im thinking twice about softblocking you. okno. talk to me bitch. i love you!!

marcell/shaq ♡ you change your name to match mine cause you like me eh?? buuu. okno. you were always someone i trusted because you're responsible of doing your job and you're someone nice to talk to i mean not nice nice because you're mean but nice by i can have a conversation with you and talk about random stuff without letting it die because i'm funny and you're lame okno. let other judge your outer and let yourself know your inner. jangan jadi noob for 2020. okno. i love you!!

Eric ♡ my stupid bun. my ride or die. ew. these two years 18/19 has been pretty rough for the both of us and i think it's just a step and a lesson to grow into a better person. you helped me alot through this year and i'm never less thankful for that. the loving things you do for me, the things you would let it slide when it comes to me. your soft spot for me never goes away huh HAH and i'm taking advantage of that. okno i'm kidding. you are a big help for me and for what i went through. you never said no. you always agree on everything and i really appreciate it. when we broke up last year, you still insisted to talk to me. which i find out really annoying. just kidding. i'll let everything slide since you do that to me too. you're a really great person, amazing let me tell you. thanks for being a great friend to me. thanks for helping me out with almost everything. i owe you big time. i love you!!

harry ♡ first of all,  thank you for being a great bestie, we would always talk to each other everyday but you got busy these days :(( but yey, its almost a decade since ive known you, kyak. we met when we were in kbb. you were d__, kyak, smpipol 💕 i feel so giddy giddy all of a sudden lololol. and then we started exchanging contacts, you were first harry, on fl.  and then we had this, nOOt squad gTG. im nunmul-ing.  why is this suddenly a throwback session.  and and and then theres trisha gosh i love trisha and you too. i adore you for being such an honest person, when it comes to telling your problems to us, which is something i cant really do. if you have problems, dont hesitate to tell us, though i dont really help much eheh. but sometimes there are things that arent meant to be said. its okay, theres nothing wrong feeling sad, feeling all those negative feelings. we are human too, we have feelings. it is okay to sometimes not be okay, it is okay. but other than that, be happy with those you are surrounded with. youre someone that worth a big hug.  i hope you spent your day with those you love 💕 i hope youre having a good day. youre an amazingly talented person. i hope youd achieve your dream soon, i pray for your health, and for you to surrounded by lovely people. you're such a talented person and gosh, your drawings for the fashion week, cries. chef kisses momma!!! you should update me on your life more because i wanna know what you do and support you on everything you do. don't forget me anyways :(( because you're the only realest annoying brutally honest bitch i love :(( i love you!! 

thanks for an amazing 2019, lets get closer in 2020. i love you guys. ♡