#I have no idea the purpose of playing that dumb with the phone

[basilbots]

I know this is likely not the case but please I need Dark Sun to have legitimately forgotten the word phone and actually tripped up the stairs let me have this I need to inject a lil cringefailness into this otherwise intimidating antagonist.

[crookedteethed]

18+ slight smut (unprotected piv), sex tapes, mentions of anal, jealous!reader, weirdo behavior

⋆ ★ thinking about how dad!rafe constantly gets hit on by slutty moms and how you have to come in and set them straight : (

Rafe loved his baby girl, but he would bash his fist into the wall if he had to listen to Somewhere Over the Rainbow get played as he watched his little girl prance around in her ballet class one more time. 

Don't get him wrong, Rafe loved spending the daddy-daughter time with his little girl, and it was something (even more) persuasive about your daughter wearing an adorable pink tutu that made him agree to get ice cream after Every. Single. Class.

It was the other parents (and The Best of Oz) who made it so insufferable—not just the other parents—the moms. 

The dads were particularly cool. They typically sat there like Rafe, hunched over into a man's spread, aggressively typing on their phones. 

But the moms--no--the fucking moms always wanted to talk, but not just talk, flirt!

The moms were like cougars, always purposely sitting down next to Rafe, peering over his shoulder, debating whether they should talk to him. 

When they finally do muster enough courage to talk to him (the ones that do), they typically say some dumb shit, like: 

"My heart always goes out to single fathers; it does. I’m single, too. We should grab a drink sometime.”

It was only Cynthia Fucking Allen that asked Rafe dumb shit like this. 

It was dumb because she knew that Rafe wasn't a single father and knew well that you two were happily married. 

The other moms were never as Bold as Cynthia. They typically just tried to talk with Rafe to talk to someone as attractive as he was—which Rafe didn't mind.

Cynthia was a cougar because she didn't fear rejection. She'd never turn down an opportunity to make a pass at Rafe--whether it was inviting him over to dinner or trying to set up "supervised playdates” (which Rafe had always turned her down) or going as far as complimenting his derrière in his khakis.

And though Cynthia's constant badgering was becoming a nuisance to Rafe, Rafe never needed to cut into Cynthia because deep down, Rafe had felt bad for the woman.

Rafe had once heard from you, who heard from one of the other mothers that Mr. Allen, Cynthia's husband, had filed for a divorce. So maybe she was just trying to get her groove back or something, Rafe thought.

Shockingly, you were the one to snap and cut into Cynthia for her nuisance behavior, finally. 

It was a stupid and risky idea, and you don't know what had come over you, honestly. It was something the Queen Bee would do in a raunchy teen movie. 

You had sent Cynthia a video of Rafe full-on fucking you. 

And I mean, you went all out. A tripod was set up and everything. 

It was an 11-minute length video of Rafe fucking you in two positions. 

For five minutes straight, Rafe took you from behind--your plush ass dangling off the edge of the bed as Rafe pounded into your sopping loud cunt, standing up, with his thumb occasionally pressing into your asshole.

With each thrust from Rafe's hips was met with your ass, causing the skin-on-skin slapping to fill the room. 

And then for another five minutes, he fucked you in missionary--with your legs pressed to his sides, Rafe sucking and biting your neck and cursing in your ear about how this is "Your dick."

You had made sure to include a minute of Rafe jacking off and cumming on the folds of your pussy and onto your clit. Then, you told Rafe to hurry up and grab the phone and record him fucking his cum deep inside of you because you were the only one indeed that owned Rafe's cock, and seemingly Cynthia needed to be reminded of that.

When you sent the video to Cynthia, you set it on vanishing mode and made sure it was to be deleted as soon as she finished watching it, so if she ever mentioned it, it was her word against yours.

You never told Rafe about sending Cynthia your sex tape, and Cynthia never brought it up, but you knew she had gotten the message since she never bothered Rafe again afterwards.

[rafecameronssl4t]

Hiiii i hace a canon fic idea! What if kook! reader runs into Pope after Rafe and Topper hit hol eith their golf sticks in that one ep from s1. Like reader is Rafes gf and scolds him and Top a bit🤭🤭 Also loooovvveee ur ficssss🫶🏼

Territorial bullshit || Rafe Cameron x fem!reader

A/n: I LOOOVED WRIITNG THIS THANK U FOR THE REQUEST!!

Warnings: mention of violence, swearing, s1 raf is a whole warning itself 😭

Word count: 1,297

MASTERLIST

divider by @h-aewo

“Hey Pope—holy shit!” Your jaw drops as you lift your sunglasses from the bridge of your nose, sitting up abruptly from the sun lounge. “What the fuck happened to your face?” you exclaim, furrowing your brows as you quickly get up and walk over to him. Pope turns his head away, clearly trying to avoid your gaze.

“Nothing happened,” he huffs, refusing to make eye contact. You gently hold his jaw, turning his face towards you to get a better look at the bruises and cuts marring his skin. “Nothing happened? What a load of bullshit,” you scoff, your concern deepening.

Pope’s hands come up to push yours away, but you slap them down, your eyes scanning the injuries with growing worry. “Who did this to you?” you ask softly this time, your voice laced with genuine concern.

Pope hesitates, looking at you with a mix of confusion and gratitude. He never really understood why you, a Kook, were always so kind to him. “It doesn’t matter,” he trails off, sighing deeply, clearly wishing to avoid further questions and drop off the deliveries.

“It does matter, Pope,” you reassure him, not wanting him to feel like his pain was insignificant. After a moment, he finally mutters, “Rafe.” Your eyes widen slightly. “Rafe? He did this to you?” you repeat, swallowing hard as Pope nods. “Why would he do this to you—I-I don’t understand.” Your hands drop from his face as an unsettling feeling spreads through you.

Pope hesitates before speaking, “I was on the Figure Eight side of the island.” Your brows knit together in confusion. “Rafe attacked you because you were on our side of the island?” Pope nods, looking away. “Yeah, he said I had no business being there.”

You scoff, shaking your head in disbelief. “What a fucking dick!” You turn to grab your phone, determined to talk to Rafe.

“Wait—Y/n, please don’t make it worse,” Pope pleads, grabbing hold of your forearm. You pause, looking at him and then at his grip on your arm. He releases you, his eyes filled with worry. “You have nothing to worry about,” you assure him, before grabbing your phone and heading inside, your mind set on confronting Rafe.

~

Storming into the gym room, you stride with purpose, your footsteps echoing sharply against the polished floor. Rafe, mid-rep, catches sight of you and pauses, confusion etched across his face.

Without a word, you march straight to the sound system and shut off the blaring music, plunging the room into an abrupt silence. Kelce and Topper, caught off guard, exchange bewildered glances.

“What’s going on?” Rafe asks, his voice uncertain, running a hand through his sweaty hair. “You know exactly what’s going on,” you reply coldly. “Why the hell did you attack Pope?”

Rafe’s confusion shifts to defensiveness. “Pope? What are you talking about?” “Don’t play dumb, Rafe,” you snap, stepping closer. “He told me you jumped him because he was on the Figure Eight side of the island.”

Rafe’s jaw tightens, and he glances at Kelce and Topper, who are now watching with attention. “He had no business being on our side of the island, Y/n. He had it coming.” Topper steps forward, ready to defend Rafe. “Hey, it wasn’t just about that—”

“Shut the fuck up, Topper!” you cut him off sharply, your voice echoing in the silent gym. “I’m not talking to you,” you glare at him. Topper raises his hands defensively and steps back, clearly taken aback by your intensity. Rafe’s defensiveness returns. “He needed to learn a lesson,” he mutters.

“And what lesson is that? That you’re a bully?” you retort, your voice rising with each word. “You can’t just go around beating people up because you’re angry.”

Rafe lets out a loud scoff, shaking his head in disbelief. His eyes narrow as an evil smirk spreads across his lips. “I get it,” he chuckles, a manic edge to his voice that makes you raise an eyebrow in wary confusion.

“You’re so worked up because you have a little crush on that Pogue,” Rafe says, his tone dripping with condescension. The accusation is so absurd it makes you scoff out loud. “Are you being serious right now—” you begin, but Rafe cuts you off sharply.

“What, you fuckin’ him? Is that why you’re so worked up? Huh?” He steps closer, his eyes gleaming with a malicious challenge, his presence looming over you. Each word is a taunt, a provocation, and you feel the weight of his accusation settle heavily in the air.

You stay silent, more out of shock than anything else. The sheer audacity of Rafe’s insinuation leaves you momentarily speechless. The idea that he would even think this, let alone say it, is bewildering.

The gym falls into an awkward silence, Kelce and Topper watching uncomfortably from the sidelines. Rafe breaks the silence with a laugh, a cruel, mocking sound. “Yeah, all quiet now, aren’t you? Fuckin’ slut—”

His words are cut off by the hard impact of your hand making contact with his cheek, the force of the slap whipping his head to the side. Kelce and Topper let out a quiet "ooh," their eyes wide with shock.

The room is frozen in a tense stillness, everyone processing what just happened. Rafe slowly turns back to you, his cheek reddening from the slap, shock and anger flickering in his eyes.

“You don’t ever speak to me like that again,” you say, your voice steady and unwavering, your hand still stinging from the impact. The weight of your words hangs heavy in the air, a clear line drawn.

“You think you can just—” Rafe starts, but you cut him off, your voice cold and firm. “This isn’t about me or Pope or some stupid territorial bullshit. This is about you and the kind of person you’re choosing to be. And right now, you’re being a fucking asshole.”

"Like I fucking said, he had it coming," Rafe urged, his breathing heavy and eyes blazing as he stared back at you, meeting your look of disgust with a defiant glare. "You're pathetic, Rafe," you say calmly, your voice cutting through the tension like a knife.

His eyes widen in disbelief, and he takes a step closer, trying to intimidate you. "What the fuck did you just say?" You stand your ground, unwavering. "You heard what I said," you reply with a shrug, completely unbothered.

Rafe's gaze darts to Kelce and Topper, seeking their validation. "Right, 'cause I don’t think my own girlfriend just called me pathetic, right guys?" Kelce and Topper exchange uneasy glances, their silence speaking volumes. You roll your eyes at Rafe's need to involve everyone else in your business, his constant seeking of validation.

"That's really fucking rich of you to say, Rafe, because if I remember correctly, you just called me a slut a few minutes ago," you deadpan, your voice dripping with annoyance. Rafe opens his mouth to respond, but you cut him off, holding up a hand to silence him.

"I don't wanna hear it. Apologize to Pope, Rafe," you command, your voice firm and unwavering. Rafe scoffs, a bitter laugh escaping his lips. "Yeah right—" "Just stop," you interject sharply. "I’m not asking you. I’m telling you to apologise to him.”

Rafe's eyes flash with anger and frustration, but you see a flicker of uncertainty there too. He glances at Kelce and Topper again, but they remain silent, offering no support.

"You think beating up Pope makes you strong? It just makes you a bully," you continue, your voice steady and clear. "And if you can't see that, then maybe you need to take a good look at yourself." And with that, you spin on your heels, walking away. Leaving Rafe standing there, completely baffled.

[gamblersdoll]

thinking about ex boyfriend! bakugou who is so fucking smug because he was your first and doesnt ever leave you alone… smut included.

an: this shouldnt have taken all day, but today was pretty shit. 😀

you roll onto your right side, feeling the vibration of your phone buzzing. it unlocks looking at your face identifying, and you groan in annoyance. “hello?”

“mornin’ , sleepin’ slut. bad night with the new guy?” you recognize the voice, bakugou. “just wasn’t doin’ nothin’ for you, huh?” he laughs a little bit, a sigh afterwards.

“do you realize what fucking time it is?” you ask, squinting to look at the white numbers in the corner. “it two fifty three in the goddamn morning.”

“and i bet he’s gone by now, isnt he?” katsuki asks, an expectant huff.

“who?” you ask, almost damn near impersonating a actual owl. “because i dont know who the fuck you’re referring to. ive been at home all day.”

“yer’ new little boy toy. i knew youd whore yourself out to make me jealous.” he says, biting his lip when he heard you starting to argue back and get loud. “yeah? im fuckin wrong?”

“very much so, very slow at that.”

“i mean, we wouldnt be here had you not gotten ‘fed up.’” he reminds, biting his lip and tugging at his hero pants when you scoff. “all we gotta do is get back together and y’know..”

“yes, lets get back together mr.dynamight who liked to get an attitude when things dont go his way or will purposely lie about shit to make me jealous, i love you.” you say sarcastically, rolling your eyes and pinching the bridge of your nose.

“really?” he asks, a hand groping himself when he waits for your answer.

“no.” you say, pressing the end call button and tossing the phone into the laundry hamper. sleep was good when you didnt have an ex boyfriend calling you in the buttfuck hours of the morning, but he pestered you more. you obviously hear his calls going to voice mail, but its good that the ringer turned off when you threw it.

‘one new voicemail. should i play?’ the fax machine asks, replying with a ‘sure.’ out of pity, was the pussy that good he was obsessed? or was he desperate?

‘you know you want me back, princess.. just call me back and show me how much you miss me.’

yeah fuckin right.

you listen closer, hearing heavy breathing and… slick? was this fucker only booty calling you at fucking three in the morning for this? is that why he called you?

‘not just callin’ ya because im horny or nothin.. but god, do i miss seeing you.’ as soon as you thought the worst. ‘miss seein’ yer pretty face.. or seeing the dumb shit you send me at work.’

you ponder on his words… but had he not been a bit of an asshole, you wouldnt be here. all of this was because he wanted you jealous, and ended up you spitting in his face then leaving.

‘need ta tell ya somethin anyway..’ he mumbles, a groan from his lips. you knew what he was doing, it slightly turned you on. ‘never slept with her.. just lied so you can show me how you can be crazy ‘bout me.. it was stupid.’

yeah, it was. who the fuck lies about that?

‘miss you so damn bad..’ he says, probably pre nut clarity. he moans a little bit, heavy breathing from him stroking his fat cock. ‘cmon baby, talk to me.’

and an idea pops in your head, you finding some really old photo of you and izuku.

[st4rbwrry]

𝒞𝑅𝒜𝒵𝒴 𝐼𝒩 𝐿𝒪𝒱𝐸.

⸝⸝ ౨ৎ :: sukuna can’t accept that you’ve moved on. thinks you just need some dick to remind you where home is. ;)

warnings 𑄽𑄺 2.3k. fem reader, lowercase intended, she/her pronouns, black coded. dilf!sukuna, fluff + smut duh, jealousy, sukuna's a cheater n we're dumb, daddy kink, body worship, choking, body worship, dry humping if you squint, consensual coercion, cum play, toxic relationship, sneaky sex, minors aren't welcomed!

꒰ 𝑚𝑜𝑐ℎ𝑎'𝑠 𝑝𝑟𝑒𝑡𝑡𝑦 𝑡ℎ𝑜𝑢𝑔ℎ𝑡𝑠 .ᐟ ꒱; this is very old, originally a self ship but i just wanted to post it bc i have a lot of old fics sitting in the drafts etc.

sukuna clenches his jaw whenever he notices the new love interest in your life, nearly causing a fight one day you threw a cookout for your family and the man you're currently 'dating' is playing football with your daughter, seeing the stranger pick her up and spin her around when she scores a touchdown. it boils his blood to see your daughter smile at someone who isn't her father. sukuna awaits at the doorstep of his home, or 'ours' as he likes to call it, still delusional about your separation, claiming it's a break when it wasn't . . hands tucked into his dark gray sweatpants pockets with a smile on his usually stern face as he watches your tiny daughter run to him with giggles and bratz dolls in her hands. sukuna crouches low to grab her with a purposely exaggerated grunt, commenting on how big she's getting with a laugh.

you slam the door to your car, retrieving your daughter's duffel bag filled with things she needed for the weekend at daddy's. sukuna holds his child at his hip. you smile at her as she constantly pokes at his cheek to grab his lost attention. he couldn't keep his eyes off you. looking you up down with that all too familiar glint in his eyes. you raise your brow, glaring down at yourself dressed in a black maxi skirt that touches your ankles and a white lace top, feet in black sandals.

"what?"

"going somewhere?" he questions with authority.

"my house and back. i can't look nice?"

"you look good," you ignore the way he licks his pink lips, your daughter tapping his shoulder for the millionth time, the four-year-old always wanting to be the star of the show.

"daddy, can we watch bratz fashion ‘ixies with mommy?!" the little girl screeches excitedly.

"mommy has to go, baby," you drain the light from her face, the child frowning. sukuna eyes you.

"why?" they say periodically. you stare him down with annoyance. now she's gonna question me. before you can even speak, she's at it again.

"but we haven't watched it in months," she whines. "we watch it every day with all three of us."

sukuna sighs, rubbing her back. "it's okay, honey. me and you can just—"

"i'll stay," you cut him off immediately, not fond of seeing your daughter cry. his puppy dog act was irritating. he grins mischievously.

your daughter cheers and you lean forward to pinch her chubby cheeks, speed walking to your car to pull into the driveway before entering the familiar home, feeling somewhat vacant. the vibe is off, but a little nostalgic. you haven't stepped foot into this place in months, unable to, the idea bringing back too many unwanted memories. your divorce wasn't pretty; finding sukuna messing with another woman when you searched through his phone one day to find the messages, his excuses replaying in your head, all bullshit.

she was just one night. one night over six years? they were high-school sweethearts, and he tore that apart for a one-time fling. didn't make sense, never will. it's awkward when you stand in the kitchen you used to cook your happy family meals every day to see him make your daughter lunch for her movie, combing at her curly hair with your fingers as she went on about how she ate dyed eggs for green eggs and ham day at school. the movie was the same as usual, both of you sitting adjacent to her as she ate her lunch and enjoyed the film, falling asleep on sukuna's shoulder thirty minutes in.

school must've taken it out of her. sukuna stretches his arms, breathing out a 'finally' which makes you laugh, standing along with him as he carries her and you shut off the tv, checking a text from the man you're currently fooling around with, nothing serious. just experimenting the dating life again.

you home today? i wanna see you.

you sigh, dropping your shoulders tiredly. you weren't in the mood to see him. he was a funny guy, enjoyable to be around, and made your daughter laugh . . .but he's obscenely clingy. you liked your space, and he didn't know the meaning of it. on top of that, the sex was mediocre. nothing compared to how sukuna fucked me. you dissociated with the world momentarily, chewing on your lip as flashbacks hit, zoning out the sound of sukuna's heavy steps approaching.

"she's tucked in."

your eyes lock onto the veins bulging out of his arms, the white tee he wore hugging his muscles, and the platinum chain swinging around his neck making your face hot. dammit, stop. your stare lingers longer than you expect, sukuna lowering his face to catch your attention with a smirk.

"hello? you good?"

"yeah, sorry," you clear your throat.

"check me out all you want baby, it's still yours."

"sukuna," you roll your eyes, locking your phone and finding your car keys, needing to be as far away from him as possible before you do something you regret.

"what? i'm joking," he furrows his brows when you begin strutting towards the front door, mumbling about how your daughter's ballet recitals on sunday and not to forget to monitor her junk food intake. his hand clasps around your wrist to stop you.

"stay. i wanna talk to you."

"there's nothing to talk about."

"are you dating him?" he's straightforward, watching the muscle in his jaw clench.

"that's none of your business."

"i have a right to know who's around my daughter. yes or no? or are you just fuckin' him?"

"why?" you yank your arm away, getting in his face, barely with your height. "does it hurt your feelings? well, guess karmas a bitch."

sukuna chuckles darkly, raising his arm to tug at his bi-colored hair with frustration. "man, you're still on that shit."

you raise your brow with fury. he's shitting me. "on that . . . are you fucking serious? you tellin' me i don't have a reason to say fuck you for cheating on me?"

"all she did was suck my dick, you're acting like i was in her shit," he rolls his eyes, shrugging his shoulder with zero care in the world. "i've apologized a million times. it was one stupid night where we were at each other's throats and she just so happened to be around . . so."

"you know what." you scoff, not having time for this stupid shit. men always have bullshit excuses when trying to justify cheating. you didn't care if he kissed the bitch, cheating is cheating. you managed to bypass him, walking around the couch until he was back in your face fast once again.

you clenched your keys in your fists, ready to claw at his face with them. "what do you want?"

it's silent for a moment, the hard stare he has on you makes you feel small, folding your arms over your midsection, waiting for his response.

"i need some pussy," he whispers gravelly, slowly licking his lips and grabbing at your waist. you swallow, trying to ignore the sudden throbbing at your clit. chill out.

"text your other bitch. i'm sure she'll give it to you."

"only your sweet fuckin' pussy," now his hands are smoothing to your backside, smacking his heavy, veiny palm on your ass to draw you closer, squeezing the flesh between his long fingers. you gasp, eyes wide as you feel the outline of his dick against your stomach. his fingers are dangerously close to your pussy. "daddy misses it so much."

you inhale, shifting to try your best and break from his barricade, shoving him away which barely makes him stumble. "i'm leaving."

thinking this is your final attempt at actually leaving, that relief gets knocked down the instant his hand grabs the back of your neck and brings you back to him, his mouth pressed to the side of your neck where he breathes and kisses wetly. you freeze, the ache below never subsiding in his hold. sukuna's lifting your skirt before another word falls from your pretty little mouth, shoving his hand into your matching white lace, smirking from the ocean flowing on his thick fingers.

"you need some dick, don't you?" he whispers hotly behind your earlobe, rushing his tongue there at the same time he circles your clit, falling back into his warm chest, dropping your keys altogether. "he not hitting it right? doesn't do it like me, does he?"

shamelessly, you nod your head in agreement, giving up because you know he's right and this is what you need. you know he can give you things no other man could. it hasn't been the same ever since. any man you've been with aside from him hasn't met up to those standards. sukuna raised your pussy to only come back to him. trained to accommodate him. cum from him. fuck him. for any other man to take possession of what he crafted would be fucking fowl.

"you miss me?" sukuna hums, walking you both towards the black couch in the living room you moved too far away from your previous escape. your knees are dented into the seat, arms thrown over the back as sukuna groans low in his throat, pupils blown with lust as he tugs your panties to sit at the middle of your thighs. he presses his clothed cock to you, grinding slowly to make you feel it, let you know how much he misses you more. "you miss daddy, baby?"

you keen, face buried into your forearms shyly, rocking back onto him, feeling yourself soak his pants. sukuna hisses and smacks your ass again, pussy clenching from the attack. you whine. "yes. miss you."

"daddy misses you too," he's swift with his actions, already tugging at his dick leaking absurd amounts of precum, circling the angry red tip on your entrance before sinking in only halfway, wanting you to remember how to take him. you moan quietly, biting at your arm and taking lead by pushing back onto him, only to have sukuna retract his hips.

"don't be greedy, you'll hurt yourself." it echoes in your head when he says this, smiling cutely, loving that he cared, unlike other men. and he's kind of right. he's perfectly thick, long to the point where it surpasses his belly button. it was always hard for you to fully wrap your hand around it, towering your face whenever he stood over you, veins decorating up the underside. he draws his hips back, carefully driving into you, rolling his waist effortlessly to make you savor every ridge of his cock.

"doesn't it feel so fuckin' good?" he asks with his lip tucked between his teeth, rolling his eyes back once he starts it up, hooking you by your handles and yanking you back as he fucks you, fascinated by the jelly-like bounce your ass makes as you throw it back.

his wife was always one to never hold back her sounds, whimpering and moaning to your hearts delight. sukuna has your back arched with his other palm, reaching behind yourself to clutch at his veiny forearm, the two of you locking eyes as you glare up at him to see him slowly losing it. so much pent-up sexual frustration from not having you for months. not being able to touch another woman since so it pisses him off to know you could easily fuck another man without feeling the same. he's getting mad just thinking about it, clenching his jaw tight as he fucked you harder, deeper. you're clawing at his arm and crying his name, sukuna coming to his senses momentarily, forgetting they had a daughter who's asleep upstairs.

he moves your hand away, entwining both his large palms over your mouth and pulling you back to his chest where your head rests, sukuna standing straight as your back dips even more, cursing as your eyes switch white and you sing into his hands shielding the sweet symphonic tones.

"you forgive me?" he breathes shakily on your forehead, ruts becoming sloppy when that familiar heat twitches in his gut. this he could excuse; cumming too fast just to brush off the burning arousal for you. he'd savor you later on when it truly mattered. he'd make love to you to prove that he still loves you, that he's different now, that he'd never fuck up a good thing again. right now, he just wanted to fuck you so you know he's not letting you leave anytime soon.

your brown eyes are slanted softly, whines and delicate nods of your head are what takes him there, dropping his hands from your mouth, choking you lightly as he mashed his mouth onto yours, moaning with you as you tremble and orgasm. he stays inside you a little longer, fearing that warmth would dissipate if he stayed out too long. sukuna swallows, catching his breath and darting his attention to the way his cum flows out of you after you fall forward, taking his index and middle finger to collect it and shove it back inside. you laugh at him with a silent 'fuck off' and smack his hand away. he grins happily, massaging your backside adoringly. this isn't a pass that you're going back to him. but having you in his presence as of now was a start he could be satisfied with.

© 𝒮𝒯𝟦𝑅𝐵𝒲𝑅𝑅𝒴! all rights reserved. please do not repost, steal, or modify my work simply because it is mine. stealing isn't cute. i'll ruin your life ♡

[temiizpalace]

☆┊DRESS TO IMPRESS!

SUMMARY: playing dress to impress with him!

CHARACTERS: all dorms + others

GENRE: fluff

WARNINGS: none

NOTES: i feel so bad for having people with requests wait so long but im losing ideas and idk what to write 😭😭😭 please bear with me event requesters,,,,, ik i suck at this

reader gender is not mentioned, reader not specified to be yuu

VERY COMPETITIVE

if he catches you trolling it’s on sight. he takes this game very seriously, and refuses to get anything lower than 3rd. when you play together and ask to duo, he carries. you’ll see him with the most impressive and beautiful outfit you’ve ever seen and watch him lose his mind when he gets 5th. he spams poses, like in full concentration mode. also a very harsh critic. if he sees you off theme it’s an immediate 1 star, no exceptions. anytime he critiques your outfit you feel like an office worker with an overly harsh boss that demands better. he also probably has VIP. and beef with 10 year olds. (so think of when caseoh plays, but less yelling)

riddle, azul, jamil, vil, rollo

PLAYED IT AS A JOKE : IS NOW HOOKED

at first he thought it was just a dumb and silly dress up game for girls.. boy was he wrong. when he first played with you, he was expecting to hate this game to its core. he was a troller at first, purposefully making dumb outfits that don’t even match, barely adding anything to his outfit at all. suddenly, something in his mind flipped, and now he’s addicted. you’ll catch him sometimes playing his free time, teasing someone like him for playing a dress up game. not that you have room to talk. duos are fun, he likes being partners with you. he’s probably the kind of guy to vote everyone one star and then vote you five, but he expects five stars in return.

deuce, ruggie, epel, idia, skully j. graves

LOVES THE GAME

he’s played this before, he loves it! dressing up in cute outfits and watching other people dress up in cute outfits? why wouldn’t he play? and to play with you? that’s even better! wouldn’t be as competitive as the first category, but does take the game seriously. he doesn’t despise trolls, actually laughs at them sometimes. he does find it unfair they make the podium sometimes, but it’s really just a game. he loves duoing with you and wearing matching outfits, absolutely adorable! he either votes pretty fairly or votes everyone five stars depending on who they are. please play more with him, he loves this game!

cater, kalim, rook, ortho, lilia, neige

NOT THAT INTERESTED

what’s the appeal to it? it’s just playing dress up, nothing special. he’ll play once in awhile with you, but don’t expect it to be a regular thing. it’s just not his cup of tea. obviously since he doesn’t play often, his outfits are subpar. nothing podium worthy. votes pretty fairly, giving criticism and critique on other people’s outfits (though his aren’t that much better). he doesn’t mind being a duo with you, but you definitely carry. personally he thinks trollers are ruining the game and making it annoying for those who play religiously. overall, just a dress up game. would play but only if you play too.

trey, leona, jack, sebek, silver

THE TROLLER

is that one guy who has nothing on their character and walks onto the stage with no hair or makeup. skin tone is still at the default, colors on the clothes are unchanged, and it’s all on purpose too! would dress up in dumb outfits for a completely different theme and loves watching people argue about it in the chat. votes everybody one star because they’re just silly like that! absolutely cackles if he gets on the podium and loves watching the server get into fights about it. you don’t duo with him, you know better. loved playing with you, but it doesn’t seem the feeling is mutual.

ace, jade, floyd, che’nya

HOW TO POWER HANDHELD DEVICE

teach him how to use a phone first. doesn’t know how to log in to his account. when he joins the game, poor baby kept running into walls trying to put on shoes. outfits are usually incomplete or unchanged because he doesn’t know how to take off accessories or how to put them on. votes fair enough, but doesn’t ever make the podium. if you ask to duo, you’ll have to teach him cause he also doesn’t know about that either. basically just a big man baby who needs help using technology for the first time.

malleus

A/N: obsessed with this game lately (idia would know all the lana lore)

date published: 10/10/24

© temiizpalace — do not copy, steal, or put my work into ai. thank you!

[kittykattropicanna]

my brain is absolute mush i am in love with him!!!! he tries to get you to send him more photos — and you more than happily oblige — and he guards them like his life depends on it. slowly starts to ask more personal questions, mostly trying to figure out if you have a partner and when he finds out you don’t? the game is on. starts using pet names in his letters here and there, drawing you in deeper and you’re so helpless against him. and then the calls start and he hears your voice and then it’s all he can think about. tries to get you to say certain things — especially his name — for him to tuck away for later when he’s alone with your photo and his hand on his cock and wishing more than anything to have you instead of his fist ):

he thinks himself a good person, all things considered. but knowing you, and knowing you’re out there? no protection, such a sweet and soft thing — it worries him. maybe he asks johnny to try and find you. doesn’t necessarily disclose his true intentions, mostly out of curiosity. but then he starts thinking of when he gets out, how he can meet you, bring you back to his place, knowing he’s the best one to keep you safe and so he uses his time to get a head start so when he’s out he can finally keep you ):

hyperventilating, screaming, projectile vomiting, this, this, this, THISSSSS,

The reason im soooo obsessed with your ask is because 1, you’re a fucking incredible writer and 2, you dived so deep into PrisonPenPal!Simon’s psyche, his such a smart dude and unbelievably manipulative when he needs to be…..

Sorry everyones!! asks are taking so long to get out!! I just want to go into the most detail possible and give everyones ideas justice!! if you're waiting, I promise you its in the works rn <3

TW: mentions of murder, jail, corruption kink, masterbation (Reader & Simon), public masterbation (kinda), phone sex, smut, manipulative!Simon and kinda stalker vibes I guess (not yandere)

PrisonPenPal!Simon masterlist

Regular masterlist

If you think about his sentencing, he purposely played his cards in away that made him the victim without him actually having to act like the victim if that kinda makes sense? 

The second he punched that kid he knew he fucked up bad, and then when he saw the blood seeping out of the kids skull and covering the floor, he knew he fucked up really bad. 

A normal person would either run, go into hiding, try and resist the arrest, break down and have a panic attack. But he knew this wasn’t time for an emotional response, he needed to start planning what his next step was going to be and how he was going to execute it in a way that favoured him. 

His not a psychopath, his 100% capable of feeling and experiencing human emotion and is very emotionally intelligent, but when he needs to be, his actions can be extremely calculated to the point its almost scary. 

When he sees your picture though, something definitely clicks in his brain, he just wants more.

If that means more pictures or letters or even a phone call, he just needs it. 

I think maybe its something primal as well… his a man at the end of the day, and being locked up for years in an all male prison with all male guards means he hasn’t even seen a women that isn’t a playboy model for fucking agessss 

His not dumb either, he knows you put effort into taking that photo for him, he knows you put on a red bra because he told you his favourite colour was red. So the idea that maybe, just maybe you feel the same way, or are at least starting to, really erupts something in him.

But you’re completely right. He wouldn’t show a soul the photo you sent him. He’d go to drastic measures to hide everything :( you sent them to him, you’re writing to him, not anybody else,and he knows that if any of the other inmates found out about you, or god forbid, saw a photo of you, they would have an absolute field day. 

He sees how the men his jailed with act when wives, sisters or girlfriends come to visit their loved ones. 

He hears their disgusting comments about the women’s bodies, the detailed answers of what they would do if they ever got their hands on them. It always made his throat fill with bile and stomach twist.

Si may not be a perfect man, but talking like that about another mans women? His above that.  

Thinking about how they would say the same things about you, how’d they’d all pass the photo around with a dirty smirk on their face and snicker? He wasn’t having that, over his dead fucking body. 

He writes back to you keeping it relatively normal, lighthearted and friendly, but he sneaks in a little 

“Ya’ boyfriend probably isn’t over the moon ya’ writtin’ someone like me, aye? I mean, if my missus was writin’ to a felon I’d blow my fuckin’ top love, theres gotta’ be somthin’ out there better for ya’ to been doin’, readin’ a book or somthin’ like that. It was lovely puttin’ a face to a name, just seein’ someone so happy makes me smile”

Receiving his letter makes your heart sore, you made him smile. 

Obviously you had to send him more photos right? You just wanted to make him smile…. right? :( 

You definitely didn’t want to send more because your pussy clenched when he called you “love”

Its definitely not because he was so protective over you, knowing he was so worried about your well-being, always asking if you're doing okay, asking if you’re safe…

“I worry bout’ you out there lovie, ya' gotta keep safe, look after ya’ self”

Getting your friends to help you take more photos for him!!! 

Maybe you force them to go on a hike with you… you wear those leggings that make your arse look fantastic, posing in front of a nice view and purposely sticking out your cute little bum, subtly showing it off to the camera…. Showing it off to him :((((

But its just to show him the view!!!!! He hasn’t seen a nice landscape in years!! He deserves it!!

You’re not a dirty girl :( you’re a good girl!! You would never do something so disgusting for a man who’s locked in jail, your daddy would be so disappointed if he knew you were sticking out your arse for a man like Si >:( 

Calling over your ex-situationships so they can fuck you, your dildo wasn’t enough anymore, you needed the real thing….you needed Si, but obviously you can’t have him, right? There’s no possible way you could ever experience your biggest fantasy….right?

So other men will just have to do :(((

Having them hold you down and fuck your pussy mediocrely, closing your eyes trying to imagine Si :( maybe even moaning his name accidentally…..

Its never really that enjoyable though, all you can think about is how Si would fill you so much better…technically, you have no evidence to prove that, but his such a gentlemen!! He knows how to speak to a women…he must know how to fuck one as well!!! 

It only makes sense….

It makes you so sad… he’d never think about you the same way you think about him >:( 

He’d never fantasies about your sloppy cunt the way you fantasies about licking up his fat cock, teasing his tip and ruining your throat as he shoves his meaty dick down it :(((

Rubbing your swollen clit on your pillow as you moan for him, maybe even looking at the grainy photo of his face while you pleasure yourself :(( you’re so disgusting for him, so needy, he would never want a girl as yucky as you….

When Si receives your next letter informing him that you don’t have a boyfriend as well as a photo of you posing for him, that’s when the obsession really begins :3

His not obsessed on a yandere level but his definitely deep into it :)

He never really thought about what he would do after he got out, he always kinda just guessed that he would go back to his old ways, but now he has you very obviously showing some type of interest in him, his mind is fucking racing!!!

Maybe he can get your number and use his monthly call to talk to you, maybe you can come visit him while his still locked up, maybe you’ll be willing to have him when his out, maybe you can move in together, maybe he’ll marry you, maybe he’ll finally get to fuck that sweet little pussy that his been fantasising about, maybe…maybe…..maybe..Ahhhhh!!! 

Stealing sponges and a rubber glove when his on cleaning duty :((((

Bargaining with his prison mates for hair ties and an empty Pringles can so he can make his own makeshift fleshlight :((( 

Fucking his fat dick with it while his eyes focus on your arse, imagining his got you in doggy and fucking you stupid:((( Maybe even putting his pillow in front of him and pretending its your arse, squeezing and spanking it >:(((

His corruption kink is feral…he knows his a lowlife with nothing good ahead of him, his more then aware that for the rest of his life his going to be labeled as a murderer, but the idea of him taking a pretty little thing like you and pulling you down with him makes him cum so hard his thick juicy thighs shake, fleshlight filling up with his cum and quite moans falling from his mouth >: (((

He doesn’t know were it came from, he just wants you to be with him and he knows he’ll never be able to live the white collar lifestyle you so obviously enjoy. 

The idea of taking you out of that world and reeling you into his consumes him. Shitty one bedroom apartment, cardboard boxes as bed side tables, stained carpet and a flickering kitchen lightbulb. Its almost feeds his cocky superiority complex. Being able to pull a beautiful doll like you, get you so obsessed and needy for him that you’d follow him to the shit hole he calls home. 

Being so obedient, so willing, that you give up everything you’ve worked for just to submit to him…..

Receiving that sweet little letter excites the fuck out of him, don’t get me wrong, but it also scares him a little, his protective instincts kick in a bit. 

If you’re one thing, its a little naive.

You’re so willing to give up sensitive information about yourself without a second thought, you’re very obviously extremely vulnerable and trusting…. 

As much as he wants to protect you, he also sees these personality traits to be extremely beneficial to him. 

You’re very easy to reel in after the line is crossed from polite and friendly to more flirtatious and maybe even a little bit sexual.

He addresses you differently in his letters now, no longer just using your name and actively being more outwardly affectionate towards you

“Hello my sweet girl :)”

and

“been on my mind lot’ lately, been thinkin’ about you, thinkin’ all sorts of things I know I shouldn’t ;)”

Once that barriers broken and your letters are just as enthusiastic, he knows his got you. 

His got you to a point that he knows asking for a phone call isn’t a risky move anymore :3

He plans it though, he knows exactly what his going to do on that phone call and he knows nobody can be around while his doing it. 

Like I mentioned in the first fic, his sentence was reduced because of his good behaviour, this obviously means his on good terms with the guards and most of the other inmates. They all owe him a favour in one way or another. He hadn’t asked for his good deeds to be returned, not needing them to be……until now. 

He writes to you deciding on a date and time, Thursday at 3am. 

He wanted to be alone when he talked to you, have some privacy and not be bothered. 

His on really good terms with the night guard who works Thursdays, with just a little bit of bribing, he could be let out and have his phone call with you alone. 

“Listen mate, ya’ want to know who’s movin’ drugs in and out of this joint? I can tell ya’ with no worries, but I need ya’ to do me a solid favour” 

The guard his reluctant of course, but like I mentioned, Simon can be calculated when he wants to be 

“Magin’ the raise you’d get if ya’ could give ya’ bosses that information? I saw ya had a photo of a little girl on ya car keys, think bout all the toys n’ shit you could buy er’ with some extra cash”

And obviously, he got what he wanted, it was light work really ;)

As 3am slowly got closer, you were shitting yourself, lets be real. It was hard to wrap your head around Si being an actual person, you know? Like of course his real, but it was all becoming a reality now….

You were three large glasses of wine in when it was time to call. 

When your phone started to ring from an unknown number,  you swore your heart dropped :((

The call almost rang out before you got the courage to answer it :(

When you did a very deep, rough voice with a heavy Manchester accent answered, you could hear the smirk through the phone, a confident “hello sweetheart” to match :(

His voice had your breath catch for a minute….of course you’d come up with your own idea of what he would sound like, but never in a million years did you think he would sound so charming, so confident, filled with anticipation, like he had been waiting for this moment for weeks…like he had thought of you the same way you thought about him :(((

It made your tummy swirl, that all too familiar hot ache feeling buzz in your clit :3333

On the other end of the line Si gently stroked his throbbing cock as you said your hellos :(( 

Your voice was even more memorising then he imagined, sweet little nervous giggles as you spoke to him, quietly letting him know that you weren’t quite sure what to say, that you were a little on edge, maybe a little excited. 

You could hear his laboured breath through the phone, a distant wet sound that you couldn’t describe, so quite that you didn’t know if it was real or just your preverted mind playing tricks on you, making you hear things that aren’t really there :(

Just the sound of your voice was driving Si crazy :( you’re just as sweet as he imagined you, maybe even sweeter 

He knew it was wrong of him :(

He knew that asking you to join his little game was evil. He had you right were he wanted you, and asking you to play with your pussy for him on the other end of the phone while directing you on how to finger yourself as he fucks his girthy cock with his hand wasn’t what you deserved…..

But he couldn’t help himself, not when you were talking to him like that, so innocent and sweet :(((

“Sweetheart, I need ya’ to do me a favour darlin’, okay? His cock was so hard it hurt, voice out of breath and sweat dripping down his brow. You were within arms reach, so close but yet so far away. 

“Slide ya’ hand into your panties baby, start playin’ with yourself, come on, tell me what you're doin, describe it to me”

You so easily obliged, so willing to please him :( agreeing nervously with a stutter and shaky breath as you tell him what your doing 

Describing to him what you’re wearing, an oversized t-shirt with nothing underneath :( telling him you didn’t put panties on just for him :(

You let out a quite moan as you play with your tits, telling him how hard your nipples are, squeezing the pebbles and whining as he eggs you on 

“That’s it baby, play with those tits for me, yeah?, that’s my girl, squeeze em’ for me, there ya’ go” Si had to lean himself against the phone box as his tip leaked with pre cum :(((( 

Using it to lubricate his vainy cock making the wet sounds louder through the phone, you whine louder at the thought of his cock, closing your eyes you trail your hand down to your panties and slowly slip underneath the fabric to play with your wet cunt, just like Si asked:(((

“Rub ya’ clit for me baby, tell me how good I make you feel, say ma’ name, say it” he wanted so badly to commit it to memory, lock it away for later >:(

You moan his name as you circle your clit, eyes shut as you imagine Si doing it for you instead. You chant his name while your back arches a little, pleasure building at the sound of his rough grunts and wet cock being pumped through the phone >:((((

“I know, I know sweetheart’ just hold on a little longer for me, yeah? That’s ma’ good girl, ya’ not cumin’ yet” his hand fisted his cock, squeezing himself as tight as possible and screwing his eyes shut trying to imagine he was fucking your wet pussy, not his callused hand rough and dirty from the weights he was lifting early that day :(

“Finger ya’ cunt baby, finger ya’ cunt and scream ma’ name” 

You were dangerously close to the edge, the knot in your tummy tightening by the second, your once nervous moans now turned unashamed. 

Taking your other hand and slipping it into your pussy, you let out a desperate whine, muling your hips as you pumped yourself, squelching noises matching Si’s as you abused your wet pussy :((((

“That’s ma’ perfect girl, that’s it. Come on, let go for me, let me hear those gorgeous moans” 

Finally letting the coil snap your back arched like a cat, legs shaking as you moan his name, desperate whimpers as tears of pleasure roll down your cheeks 

Si gritted his teeth as he pumped himself, ropes of his sperm painting the concrete wall in front of him as his heavy cock twitched in his hands, animalistic grunts falling from his lips as that feral pleasure he’d been chasing washed over him. :((

He’d never cum that hard in his life, vision blurry from the white hot pleasure with your heavy breaths in the background :3

Just as he was about to open his mouth, speak to you again, the phone cut out, he had used up all his time with you :(

Harsh beeps filling his ear as his cock slowly softened, tip bright red from the attention…

He needed you more then ever now, protective instinct going through the roof :( 

Knowing you’re out there all alone with nobody to keep you safe made his blood boil…..

He needed to have a set of eyes on you, the constant letters weren’t enough anymore :((((

Maybe there was a bit of jealously as well, the thought that there may be someone else….

It drove him up the wall, made him feel rage he had only felt very few times in his life 

If he couldn’t have his eyes on you, then he’d 100% send Johnny out to do the work for him.

Looking through your letters and highlighting when you mentioned the name of the cafe you went to every morning, the name of the bar you and your co-workers went to every Friday to celebrate the end of the week. 

Of course he wouldn’t tell Johnny the truth, simply asking him to keep an eye on an “old friend that’s going through a rough time” while his locked up for the rest of his sentence :(

And Johnny obliged, happy that Simon was in contact with people that weren’t just 141.

Reporting back to him every week, always with a positive review :)

A soft thing like you cant be left to fend for yourself sweetheart, not in a world like this. But don’t worry, his got your back, even behind bars ;)

RAHHHHHHHH, him, my mind is filled with HIM

PrisonPenPal!Simon is open for requests so feel free to send them throughhhhh, add to the AU, ask me expand on certain topics, whatever floats your boat >:)

!Disclaimer! - Above is NSFW content - MDNI - If you follow my blog without your age in your bio, you will be blocked - If you are under the age of 18, you are not welcome here, otherwise, enjoy :)

Cat divider sourced by @positively-mine from Pinterest - Pink line divider by @eloquentreverie - MDNI divider by @cafekitsune

Basic blog housekeeping -  fic requests guidelines, boundaries and my rules for minors

[billsbabydoll]

“𝓎ℴ𝓊𝓇 𝓁ℴ𝓋𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝒶𝓇𝓂𝓈, 𝓀ℯℯ𝓅𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝓂ℯ 𝒻𝓇ℴ𝓂 𝒽𝒶𝓇𝓂…”

contains:HORROR<3

summary:the notoriously “most feared” man in tokyo “tom kaulitz”, was my dear husband, though he learned to be sweet with me overtime, he still carried violent tendencies towards others. he hated the thought of other men having me in their disgusting minds, he was quick to blow those thoughts out...

WARNINGS:this is my own little spin on “my living nightmare” so if you didnt like that story then you definitely will NOT like this, (I DO NOT CONDONE ANYTHING THAT HAPPENS in this story, this story is ONLY for entertainment purposes!!!), violence, murder, gore, mentions of the mafia, jealousy.

notes:am i just completely fucked in the head that i actually prefer writing horror then writing the typical smut story-line?

HEAVY THEMES AHEAD!

being married to the one and only, the biggest mafia leader in all of toyko, “tom kaulitz” was no simple task..

the constant living in fear of, not knowing if he was coming home tonight, randomly having to switch locations when things got dangerous, not being able to trust a single soul, even having to change identities from time to time.

though tom managed to keep me far away from that cruel world, i still worried for his safety and even at times my own, i wondered if one day we could for once just blend in with society and finally be normal..whatever that meant.

but in reality we where here, in present day of-course.

toms hand in mine as we happily walked through the mall he had easily shut down just for the two of us, really it wasnt just the two of us.obviously his men accompanied us with their masks and machine guns.

“what about this one, is it too much?”i asked as i walked out of the dressing room, shyly strutting a gorgeous silk black dress.

“nein nein(no no)its perfect schatz(darling), you look stunning..”

“dont even take it off doll, im taking you straight to dinner after this.”he chuckled, mesmerized at the sight of the dresses tight fabric perfectly hugging my curves.

he looks away from me momentarily as he calls over the salesman,

“excuse me can you charge me for this dress please?-”

“yes of-course sir, shes smoking hot you sure shes just your girlfriend?”the overly-confident man snickered, tom immediately becomes furious at not only his comment but also for mistaking me as his girlfriend and not his wife, i mean does his dumb-ass not see the rock on my hand?

tom then stands up from the lounge couch, over looking the short salesman, choosing to ignore this for now and inserts his debit card on the card-reader, pulling it out once the reader chimed.i head over to his side, my pile of clothes in hand, tom quickly glances down giving me a cheeky smile before angrily looking back to the man.

“can my wife get a bag for her spare clothes?”he stared dead into his eyes, the mans eyes instantly widening at the mention of me indeed being his wife.

he frantically hands me a plastic bag, before rushing into the employees back-room, i confusedly look over to tom chuckling at the mans sudeen embarrassment.

“what was his deal?!”i giggled as i snaked my arm around toms, now making our way out of the clothing store, toms expression just cold and firm.

“hm who knows, dont worry about it-”he shakes his head smugly ideas already swirling in his middle, before leading me towards the parking garage, where his limousine awaited.

“lets get outta here prinzessin(princess)..”tom said as he opened up the limousines door open allowing me to settle inside first, following right behind along with his members.

he then orders the driver to one of my favorite restaurants, afterwards turning away from me to make a quick call, to then shut his phone closed once he finished talking to whoever he was speaking with.

i sit quietly playing with my other purchases as he begins chatting with his crew, a couple of them letting out a few murmurs and laughs back to him others remaining quiet, various minutes later we soon arrived to where we were set to dine.his security steps out of vehicle first making their way inside, then one of the men comes back out to send a hand signal to tom, letting him and i know that the coast was clear.

“i have a surprise for you waiting inside love, cmon!”tom cheerfully exclaimed, first he steps out of the vehicle, secondly turning around to reach for my hand, then gracefully pulling me out of the limousine, lastly leading me into the restaurants entry lobby.

the restaurant is empty to no surprise with only one anxious waitress and one single chef serving us tonight as per-usual, the waitress introduces herself then proceeds to lead us to our candle-lit table, taking our drink orders before scurrying away.

tom grins as he pulls my chair out for me allowing me take a seat first before pushing my seat back in place, doing the same for himself, then reaching his hand over the table for mine now gently rub circles on my skin with his thumb.

“you know i hate surprises baby..”i nervously stated, looking around trying to get any indication of what he had planned ahead.

“i think once you know why i got you this, i think youll quite like it, hes lucky i didnt do worse!”he viciously chuckled, letting go of my hand to signal one of his men to bring over a…sliver platter?

who is “he”?

what does tom mean?

whats under there?

what the fuck did he do this time?

“go onnn open ittt!”he cries out like an impatient child, he claps his hands excitedly together at the sliver platter set right in the middle of us.

i slowly bring my hand to lift up the cloche immediately met with the surprise inside-

the man,

from the store,

his blood seeping from his eyes and mouth,

a bullet hole through the side of his head,

and another underneath his jaw,

the words “fur meine frau (for my wife)” cut out from the skin of his forehead,

neatly arranged on the edge of the plate,

his head served on a sliver platter.

“surprise!!!”

THE END

[wcbblife]

Hey! If you’re taking requests can you write a hc/drabble of juju x fem reader being fluffy at first on a date or something then having an argument at they apartment cause someone was being flirty with juju but she ain’t peep it at first. Then juju being mad nonchalant about it cause she ain’t think it was a big deal, butttt reader gets mad/dramatic and just leaves and juju kinda blows up her phone but reader isn’t going for it rn. But all is well in the end cause reader realizes that she was doing the most but juju just reassures her that she only wants her.

My fault I ain’t think the request would be that long 😅

a/n: hey anon! thanks for the request. I actually liked that it was so descriptive and long since it makes my life 10 times easier. make sure to come by again if you like my writing!

warning: reader and juju kind of have a toxic and dumb fight.

Date Night

“You ready, baby?” Juju’s voice comes from behind as she wraps an arm around your waist, her warmth making you smile at your reflection. The black dress you’re wearing fits like it was made for you, and Juju's approving gaze confirms that.

“Yeah, let’s go.” Your grin stretches wide, your excitement almost bubbling over. After weeks of conflicting schedules and games, the idea of a night out with your girlfriend feels like a dream come true.

Juju keeps her hand on your hip as you leave her dorm room. “I’ve been waiting for this all week,” she admits with a soft chuckle.

You gently bump her with your hip as she hurries ahead to open the car door for you. “I bet you did,” you tease.

The drive to the restaurant is serene, the city lights painting patterns on the car windows. Juju drums her fingers rhythmically on the steering wheel, her other hand intertwined with yours. Occasionally, she lifts your hand to her lips, pressing soft kisses on your knuckles.

“How did the week treat you?” you ask, savoring the moment.

Juju laughs, turning the car off once you two arrive. “I’m sore all over,” she admits, getting out to open your door. “Coach was pissed about our last loss I guess.”

“Really?” you ask, starting to massage her shoulders as you walk inside.

“You should've seen her,” Juju groans playfully. “It wasn’t any different than military training.”

You’re guided to a cozy corner table, the atmosphere perfect. “When we get home, I’ll help with the soreness,” you offer with an innocent smile.

Juju laughs, shaking her head in disbelief at your boldness. “You’re something else.”

The restaurant is dimly lit, with soft music playing in the background. The setting makes you feel like you’re the only two people there. Juju’s eyes sparkle as she looks at you, her fingers playing with yours across the table.

“You look amazing tonight,” she says.

“So do you,” you reply, squeezing her hand. “I missed this. Just us, no distractions.”

Juju leans in, her gaze never leaving yours. “I missed this too. More than you know.”

Just then, the waiter approaches, a bright smile on her face. “Good evening, ladies. My name’s Maria, and I’ll be taking care of you tonight.” Her eyes linger a bit too long on Juju, a flicker of recognition sparking. “Hey, aren’t you Juju from USC’s basketball team?”

Juju nods with a modest smile. “That’s me.”

“Oh wow, I’m a big fan! You’re incredible on the court,” Maria gushes, her attention entirely on Juju.

You feel a twinge of irritation but keep your expression neutral. “Thanks, Maria. Can we start with the house special and a bottle of your finest red wine?” you interject, trying to steer the conversation back to the purpose of your night out.

Maria finally acknowledges you with a quick glance. “Of course. And for you, Juju?”

Juju smiles, clearly oblivious to Maria’s flirting. “I’ll have the same, thanks.”

“Great choice. I’ll get that started for you right away,” Maria says, giving Juju one last lingering look before walking away.

Juju turns back to you, her eyes warm and full of affection. “So, how’s work been? I know you’ve been swamped lately.”

You sigh, grateful for the change in topic. “It’s been a lot, but I’m managing. My boss is being a total ass to deal with lately but he pays me too much for me to complain. I just wish we had more time like this.”

Juju nods, squeezing your hand gently. “We’ll make it work. We’ll find time for us.”

As you continue to talk, Maria returns with the wine, pouring it with an overly enthusiastic flourish. “Here you go, Juju. I hope you enjoy it,” she says with a smile that was way too flirty for your liking.

You bite your tongue, forcing a smile as you raise your glass. “To us,” you toast, ignoring Maria’s lingering presence.

“To us,” Juju echoes, clinking her glass against yours.

It's nice. After what seemed like a frustrating week for you two, having some alone time was absolutely necessary. Juju toys with the rings on your fingers like she always did as she explained what her schedule would look like for the next week.

A little while later, Maria returns with your food, still sporting that overly bright smile. “Here’s your dinner, ladies,” she announces, setting the plates down. “Enjoy!”

Juju grins and makes a joke about the portion sizes. “Jesus, are they trying to fatten us up for the winter or something? Coach is gonna kill me if she sees how I'm eating.”

Maria laughs, a little too enthusiastically, and places a hand on Juju’s shoulder. “You’re so funny, Juju.”

You notice the pink tinge on Juju’s cheeks, a clear sign that the alcohol is starting to affect her. Juju has always been a lightweight. She looks over at Maria and laughs a bit awkwardly, trying to suppress the urge to shake the feeling of the waiter's finger from her shoulder.

Trying to keep the evening focused on the two of you, you smile politely at Maria. “Thank you, Maria. We’ll let you know if we need anything else.”

Maria’s smile falters slightly, but she quickly recovers. “Of course. Enjoy your meal.” With one last lingering glance at Juju, she finally walks away.

So fucking desperate that one.

You turn back to Juju, who’s already digging into her food. “This looks amazing,” she says, oblivious to the tension.

You take a deep breath, letting the moment pass. “Yeah, it really does,” you agree, focusing on the food and the company.

You and Juju enjoyed your meal together and as you finished your dessert, Juju casually reached for the bill, her usual playful insistence on paying despite your protests. With the bill settled, you stepped outside into the cool night air.

The ride back to campus was quiet. You stared out of the window, feeling a bit frustrated. You couldn’t shake off how Maria had flirted with Juju, and Juju’s apparent obliviousness to it.

Once you reached the apartment, the silence was heavy. As soon as you were inside, you couldn’t hold it in any longer. “I can’t believe you didn’t say anything to her,” you burst out, your voice tinged with frustration.

Juju looked at you, confused. “What are you talking about?”

“Maria! She was flirting with you the whole time, and you didn’t do anything about it,” you snapped, feeling your final emotions bubble over.

Juju frowned, clearly taken aback. “I didn’t even notice. If anything, she was just being friendly.”

You crossed your arms, starting to get a bit pissed off. “Friendly? Oh please. She was practically all over you!”

“Chill.” Juju sighed, running a hand through her hair. “Look, I really didn’t think it was a big deal. She’s just a fan, probably excited to see someone from the team.”

You threw your hands up in exasperation. “That’s exactly the problem, Juju! You never think it’s a big deal. But it is to me.”

Juju’s calm demeanor only fueled your frustration. The look in her eyes rubbed you the wrong way. “I don’t understand why you’re so upset. It’s not like I was flirting back or anything.”

You stepped closer, your voice rising. “That’s not the point! The point is you didn’t even acknowledge it. You just let it happen. Right in front of me!"

Juju’s eyes narrowed slightly. “So what? You want me to make a scene every time someone is nice to me?”

“No. I just want you to show them you’re taken.” you shot back, feeling tears of frustration prick at your eyes.

Juju shook her head, her voice growing colder. “This is ridiculous. I can’t control how other people act when they like me or recognize me. And I’m not going to start being rude to every person who shows me attention just because you’re insecure.”

Your heart clenched at her words, the sting of them hitting hard. “Insecure? You think I’m being insecure? Maybe I just want to feel like you actually care about us, about me."

Juju’s expression softened slightly, but her frustration was still evident. “I do care about you. But you’re blowing this way out of proportion. I didn't even talk to her!"

You shook your head, feeling the heat of your emotions rising. “It just felt like you didn’t care.”

“I care about you, not some random waitress I've never seen in my life,” Juju insisted, her tone still casual.

Feeling overwhelmed, you grabbed your jacket.

“Where do you think you're going?”

“I just need some air,” you muttered, heading for the door.

“Wait, don’t go,” Juju called after you, but you were already out, the door clicking shut behind you.

***

Outside, you took a deep breath, trying to calm whatever it was that had settled in your chest. This usually never happens with Juju. And you know that it's really nothing too big but remembering the way they both seemed to just smile at each other without a single care had irked you the wrong way.

Your phone buzzed repeatedly with Juju’s name flashing on the screen, but you ignored it, needing space to think. Numerous calls and texts made your phone buzz every second.

As you walked, your mind replayed the scene in the restaurant, and slowly, your anger began to fade. You realize you had overreacted; Juju was naturally friendly and way too nice to tell people off. It didn’t help that she had an image to keep now.

After some time, you sat on a bench, the cool night air helping to clear your mind. You finally checked your phone, seeing a string of worried messages from Juju:

“Please baby it’s getting late.”

“You’re going to catch a cold.”

“Please come back.”

“I’m sorry, okay?”

"You know I'm only yours."

“I love you.”

You sighed, the last message making your heart ache. Maybe you were doing the most, but you just wanted to feel secure. Especially with such a wonderful person like Juju on your side.

Taking a deep breath, you headed back. When you opened the apartment door, Juju was pacing, her face lighting up with relief when she saw you.

“I’m sorry,” you said softly, meeting her gaze. “I completely overreacted.”

Juju crossed the room in a few strides, wrapping you in a tight hug. “No, I’m sorry. I should’ve been more aware. I should've told her to back off."

You leaned into her embrace, feeling the warmth radiating off her body. “I just…I don’t know why I felt like this. I’m sorry.”

Juju pulled back slightly, looking into your eyes. “I only want you, baby.”

Her words were a balm to your insecurities, and you smiled, leaning in to kiss her. “Thank you.”

Juju smiled back, brushing a strand of hair from your face. “Always.”

[burrcapts]

Puffing Past Your Prime

Oh man, Zach just loved whenever this happened! Ever since their social media app took off and reached top 5 most downloaded in the whole country people started inviting him to spots like this all the time. Was this one some posh restaurant? Cafe? Gentleman's club? Honestly, he had no idea, he simply received an email the other day from one of their investors that the people here asked about him and would like him to become a regular member. 

Naturally Zach had zero real interest in bougie crap like that, but usually he actually found it kind of funny to see the reactions of all those stuck up old men in suits whenever they saw him strutting into their elite clubs wearing nothing other than a t-shirt and a pair of old jeans with holes in them. More than once some of those pricks even tried to have him kicked out. But the staff at establishments like this seemed to be quite good at keeping tabs on the guests’ net worth so often they ended up sucking up to him rather than the old farts.

The waiters here were giving off a somewhat different vibe though… If Zach hadn't noticed that those few men who were always on the move, carrying trays around were wearing bow ties rather than neckties, he definitely wouldn't have been able to tell them apart from the regular guests! Places like this often looked kind of samey with everyone being old and wearing boring suits, but this was like a whole next level!

Zach had only just realized, but holy crap, there hasn't been a single person in the entire room who didn't have a ridiculously huge beard! He hadn't shaved since last week so technically maybe he was included in this, but his definitely wasn't as grey or white as theirs! The shades of their beards, the levels of baldness and the colors of their suits was pretty much the only thing that differentiated each one of them!

But one other interesting thing was that they were all smoking pipes! Even the waiters were having a puff while moving around and chatting with the guests. Did Mike forget to mention that this was some super exclusive spot for pipe smokers? Whatever… honestly, the thing that Zach found the most annoying was how nobody seemed to be paying much attention to him here. He purposely tried to be as loud and obnoxious as possible, unmuting his phone and playing that dumb farming video game that was right ahead of them in most app stores. Yet even then, the best reaction he got was some of them briefly looking at him with amused faces for a moment before returning to their previous activities and conversations.

“Good day, I sincerely apologize for the delay in attending to you Mr Bennett. My name is Theodore and I am the director of hospitality at our establishment. We are so delighted that you could pay us a visit today. I assure you that our staff will do everything in our power to make your induction to the club a truly exceptional experience!”

Just when Zach was starting to consider bailing out of here those two guys appeared right in front of him seemingly out of nowhere! The one speaking in an eloquent and surprisingly resonant voice was ridiculously huge, tall as hell, with a colossal belly like pretty much all of them. While somewhat shorter yet definitely still quite decently overweight one, standing a few steps behind him must have been a subordinate of his. 

Zach began to explain that this was a misunderstanding because he had no interest whatsoever  in joining their club or anything, but despite the very hospitable and eloquent welcome neither of them seemed to be paying much attention to whatever he said as they talked between each other.

“Shall I fetch one of the pipes, Sir?”

“Oh, naturally Sebastian, forthwith!”

“What kind, Sir?”

“Mmm… I surmise that one of the sluttier variety might be the most suitable for Mr Bennett, then he will naturally feel inclined to introduce numerous new, virile members to our association so they could fuck his slutty hole on the regular. Oh… one moment… yes, while I would certainly prefer him on the heavyset side so that ass of his grows truly colossal, why don't we also make him into a bit of a cum guzzling cock whore while we’re at it? Let's ensure that he always has either the stem of a pipe or a huge, turgid fuckstick between his lips! Do you think you can find a suitable one Sebastian?”

“Certainly Sir, I will return with one promptly!”

Hearing this guy say all those perverted, ridiculous things in the exact, same cultivated and graceful Männer as if he was some kind of a sommelier talking about an expensive bottle of wine would have been quite hilarious if his body language didn't make it immediately obvious that he wasn't planning on letting Zach leave until the other waiter was back. It was only now that all those old farts who were sitting all around were finally turning their heads towards him, watching the scene with utmost fascination.

Zach shouted at them to get the security because this guy was totally crazy but nobody budged at all. Rather than being concerned they seemed to find him freaking out so much more endearing than anything. When it became clear that they were all in on it too, Zach pulled out his phone and warned that huge guy that if he didn't let him go, he would call the cops.

Only then, something that temporarily broke Zach's brain proceeded to take place. Theodore took a deep puff from his pipe and then exhaled a tiny cloud of smoke towards Zach's hand that was holding the phone. It was just small enough to completely obscure it and even though Zach knew it was merely just smoke he instinctively tried to clutch the phone tighter within his fingers, only to find them clenching into fist! What the hell?! He waved the smoke away but his hand was completely empty!!!

“What the fuck?! How did you do that?!”

“Please Mr Bennett, turning a cellphone into a puff of smoke is merely a small parlor trick. Very soon you will have a chance to witness a far more impressive metamorphosis… Oh, would you look at that, Sebastian is already approaching with your pipe right on time!”

At that moment Zach remembered thinking it was kind of strange how this guy phrased it as ‘his pipe’ but as he caught a glimpse of what the other waiter was carrying on a tray, he understood straight away. It stood there, right on top of a highly adorned, golden stand, his pipe! It was like love at first sight. He never even thought about smoking one before but now they were going to be, no, they already were, completely inseparable! Its stem was placed between his teeth first thing in the morning and only left its rightful spot when he was ready to fall asleep!

A jovial, cheerful laughter spread across the room at the immediate change in Zach's demeanor as though all those men were now recalling some very fond memory of their own. On some level he understood that what was going on right now was totally crazy, but as if under some kind of a magical spell, he couldn't help himself when Theodore offered the pipe to him. 

Even thanking the man when he offered him a lit match so he could puff the pipe to life. Which Zach proceeded to do without a slightest hitch like a seasoned smoker. That also surprised him, but there wasn't much of a chance to ask himself why he knew how to do it so expertly because as soon as it was lit, he found himself greedily sucking on the stem and moaning in blissful pleasure. 

Oh gosh, he knew that this was his first time ever, but he felt like a drug addict getting his fix. It was just delightful, such a rich flavor! Sebastian always picked out only the finest tobacco! Zach moaned again, he was in heaven, his head was swimming as he started feeling warm and so… profoundly turned on! If he hadn't been in public, he would have already been reaching for his cock, but then again, so many of the men sitting around them already had theirs out and were merrily stroking while laying back in their big, leather armchairs and puffing along.

Sebastian was pitching a huge tent in his slacks and even Theodore was fondling himself with a satisfied smile. Zach noticed that, the first thought that popped into his head was how much he hoped they would pull them out soon so he could suck them both dry the moment he was finished with this bowl. Mmm, he just loved sucking off the other sexy gents at the club, he was such a cum guzzling cock whore and absolutely proud of it! 

Zach was just about to ask them to stop teasing him and whip them out next when he suddenly realized that he'd heard those words before. ‘Cum guzzling cock whore', that's what Theodore had said when he was instructing Sebastian what pipe he should fetch! Holy shit!

Now that the shivers started running down his spine at the terrifying, unbelievable implications of all of this and the abrupt shock partially outweighed the still persisting horniness flooding his head. Zach had the chance to take notice of just how uncomfortably tight his clothes were feeling right now. He'd managed to peel his eyes away from the bearded waiters’ sizable bulges, only to immediately regret it as he discovered a massive  gut sticking out from underneath his shirt.

Not only was it extremely hirsute, but all of the body fur was completely white! It made him look like some ridiculously fat grandpa! His shirt was rolling up so much that it could be mistaken for the top half of a bikini, which seemed awfully suitable because Zach could see it stretching over a pair of absolutely enormous man boobs!

As his eyes grew wide in disbelief, he instinctively took a deep puff from the pipe to calm his nerves, only to find the belly instantaneously swelling even further in size. The shirt splitting at the front and letting his huge, chubby tits to flop down on it like on top of a wide, spacious shelf. God… he was so fucking hot! Those were the first words that appeared in Zach's head, and for the life of him, he couldn't bring himself to deny them.

Somehow in mere moments since putting this pipe in his mouth, an old, fat, bearded man became his absolute ideal of beauty. Zach saw how wonderfully chubby his fingers were now and after admiring the soft, white hairs growing on each knuckle, brought them closer to his mouth. Much to his delight he discovered it surrounded by copious amounts of silky, delicate facial fur. He took a deep inhale and then began gently blowing the smoke into his palm, as if trying to catch it and massage it into his beard. Loving the feeling of it growing longer and more luxuriant between his fingers. Oh god… what was happening to him?! Why couldn't he stop?!

“What the fuck have you done to me?!”

Zach cried out before inevitably returning to exploring his growing and expanding body practically right away. One hand caressing his belly while the other reached for his swollen cock, completely overcome by pleasure.

“Nothing that any of us hadn't experienced when we were first initiated into the club, Mr Bennett. It is quite an honor, while our plans are to ideally connect all men worldwide to their destined pipes one day, understandably we first needed to prioritize those with the means to help us achieve that goal…”

He instantly understood why those bastards had invited him here. It was about his social media site! They wanted to use it to spread this shit… and make more sexy, pipe smoking gents… Zach felt a sinking feeling in his stomach when he realized that he was already thinking of all the different features they could implement in the future to spark an interest in their pipes in every single man who had ever registered. And he knew that once they had their first puff, it would then remain as their habit forever.

No… he couldn’t… and yet he was tugging on his cock even faster now, taking deeper and deeper puffs of smoke, finding it so marvelous how those big, hazy plumes were slowly escaping from between his lips whenever he parted them. He was sure that his users were going to find it just as enchanting too once he tweaks the algorithm a little and makes sure that their feeds are filled with nothing but videos and pictures of sexy, bearded gents having a puff as they play with their meat.

The temptation to join them soon becoming truly irresistible, but for that they will of course need a pipe of their own. Zachary moaned in profound arousal, knowing full well that even if a few were to, by some miracle manage to keep themselves from outright ordering one free of charge from their special internet store, they still had collected enough metadata on all of them to ensure that one would be waiting at their doorstep the following day anyway.

Mmm… Zachary couldn’t take this… he began picturing all those mesmerizing, big bellied, bearded gentlemen with their pipes! First filling the feeds of his website, then the streets of the cities all around the globe… introducing everyone they knew into this lovely habit… the biggest cloud of smoke yet had erupted from his mouth as he moaned deeply, his stubby cock twitching and spraying his massive, hairy thighs with creamy, white seed. And he simply could not wait to suck them all off one by one!

***

Zachary was quite amused to find himself back right in his personal office. Of course nobody from among his colleagues had recognized him, but when he suddenly stepped out of the elevator wearing this expensive looking, extravagant suit and holding a heavy suitcase, they must have assumed he was an important investor and asked him to wait for someone right here since, as he very well knew, that one room was still by far the most presentable part of the entire workplace that hadn’t changed much from the days when they were only a small start up.

Naturally nobody could get ahold of ‘Zach’ as his cell phone had vanished and all calls were going straight to voicemail, so the honor of entertaining him fell on Aaron, their CTO. Zachary was actually quite impressed by just how quickly his friend had managed to catch on to everything after he began recounting the events of the previous day. But fortunately Zachary had a chance to personally assist Sebastian and Theodore with picking out just the perfect pipe for him. Even though Aaron knew just what was coming, he couldn't possibly resist his invitation to have a small puff together. Or for that matter to later allow Zachary to wrap his lips around his engorged, stubby cock as they pondered about this exciting new direction for their company, and even more importantly, the best way to introduce their colleagues to all those pipes waiting for them in his suitcase.

If you liked the story and would like to read more bear themed transformation fiction, consider subscribing to my Patreon! I post captions like this and longer stories there regularly!

I have also set up two extra accounts on twitter and bluesky for caption purposes! https://x.com/burrcapts https://burrcapts.bsky.social/

[alphajocklover]

Hey! Sorry to bother you but I have a problem. You see, I was walking alone in the street when someone ran into me. I didn't see him and he seemed really annoyed i bumped into him. He started screaming at me and saying things like, you dumb boy. You think you can walk around like you owned the streets. You are nothing. You don't deserve free will... And a lot of other things as he ketp running away. Only thing is, he didn't grabbed back his phone and as I grabbed it to give it to him, he was nowhere to be found. NOw i'm home with his phone and i don't know what to do. I feel weird and my legs are getting sore. What is happening to me? You have any idea how I could give him back his phone?

So this random guy you don’t even know, who got super aggressive with you over a tiny accident and basically called you worthless and less than human, dropped his phone before storming off… and despite everything he said, you want to find him and bring back his phone? You are a very kind person… or maybe a really naive one.

Him walking into you wasn’t really an accident. He did it on purpose, just like how he dropped his phone on purpose. He's been planning this for quite some time, and he decided that today was the day to strike. Today he’s going to turn you into a horny jock. It’s not too late though. You can avoid your fate… if you can figure out how he’s doing it.

Because I’ll be honest, I have no fucking clue how he’s going to transform you.

I know it has something to do with that phone, so obviously my first thought was that InstaJock was involved somehow. But… why wouldn’t he have just sent you an invite then? Why use his own phone? With how the app works I don’t even think you can get transformed using another persons phone. Maybe he put some hypnosis tracks on the phone and he’s banking on you listening to them? Or maybe he got a nerd to make it so his phone spews jockifying gas if you open it? Neither of those seem right either though…

Maybe the phone was a red herring? Something to distract you from the actual transformation method until it was too late? Could it have been the jock himself? He did touch you after all, and the entire ‘taking your free will thing’ kind of suggest he’s an Alpha. But… Alphas aren’t usually that aggressive with potential betas. They have no reason to be. They know they’re better than everyone else, they don’t have to pick fights to prove it to anyone. And Alphas usually don’t resort to cheap tricks like decoy phones. Sometimes they like to mix up how they transform betas but usually they just let their sheer dominance do its job. So he’s probably not an Alpha. Maybe it has nothing to do with the jock? Maybe running into him was a coincidence and the real reason you’re changing is… you.

When you saw that guy, so huge, buff, aggressive and manly, maybe a part of you realized how deeply you want to be like that. How sick you are of being weak, of being small, of being so nice. Maybe it woke something up inside you, and now some sort of inner force is changing you into who you really wanna be: an absolute stud. A fucking man. I could be wrong. It’s rare for someone to spontaneously turn into a jock, without a specific transformation method or catalyst. But… it does happen. Very rarely, a regular geek will just… transform. It’s always possible there’s a reason for it that we haven’t discovered yet, but until we do we just have to accept that some guys are going to randomly change. And it looks like you’re one of the lucky few.

Don’t fight it. There’s no way to prevent or reverse the transformation anyways. Can’t reverse it if we don’t know what caused it after all. So, if you’re going to change anyways, why not enjoy it? Enjoy the feeling of your muscles slowly growing, starting with your legs and traveling up your body, through your abs, across your chest and down your arms. Enjoy as your mind starts to dim and you brain is filled with thoughts of working out, playing sports, having sex and gaming with your bros. It’s not like you’ll be entirely gone. You’re still you, just slightly different. You’ll still be a very kind, very naive person. Possibly even more so. Jocks like you aren’t exactly known for being smart, and everyone loves a kind, beefy himbo.

Considering what I've seen so far, I bet that’s exactly how you’ll end up. A cool, buff, manly guy that could belong at a football game or a pizza party. You’ll be popular with everyone, even the nerds and especially the babes. So go and enjoy the life of a himbo jock. I know I would!

**hey everyone! Just wanted to say hi and thank Axeeglitter for his prompt. I hope it’s what he wanted. I feel a little weird using an actor as a picture in one of my stories (Cody Christian is the hot guy at the bottom) but Axeeglitter and I dmed a little and he mentioned Cody Christian is a favorite of his. Hope you guys enjoy, and if you ever have something specific in mind for a story you can’t communicate through an ask, don’t hesitate to dm me!**

[nogenderbee]

Im so happy your requests are open‼️ anyways can i req a reader thats like an idiot? The type of person to say "duck and chickens are the same because theyre both birds" or something even dumber will they tolerate readers dumbassery? Or do they just give up? I also want the characters to be mafuyu, akito, an,tsukasa djdndj$-$+$+$ take your time💗

-🐣

Of course! I swear I took so much inspiration from just looking up dumb quotes so... hopefully it matches your expectations!

♡˗ˏ✎*ೃ˚ 𝔻𝕦𝕞𝕓 ₊˚ˑ༄

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ An, Akito, Tsukasa, Mafuyu with idiotic!reader

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ fluff

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ @bleachtheidiot @prsk-krow @yulikesminori @qxmmi @toyaswif3y @miya-akane @alicewinterway18 @modyuki @hearts4gf

You were sitting in An's cafe after it closed. Her dad had to go there so she was the one who had to do the cleaning. But of course, she didn't wanted to do it so instead of that, she decided it'll be great idea to just bake something for you both!

You were just eating your favorite cake with her and accidentally bit your tongue.

"Oh gosh, Y/N are you alright!?"

"Have you ever wondered why you can't taste your tongue?"

That left her speechless... she was so worried about you that she didn't even realized the question at first.

"No, but... that's actually a good question!!"

My girl doesn't see the answer here... not at first at least! Give her some time to think and she'll actually explain it well! Maybe it's because she knows about all the food stuff thanks to working in cafe? Whatever it is, it definitely helped her right there!

"Oh I know! It's probably because taste buds are on your tongue, right!?"

"Ooooh, thanks An!"

You both stick together through your dumber thoughts. Usually she's the first one to come up with at least a bit smarter answers for them.

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

You and Akito were bored to death as you just layed on your back in ones bedroom. You already played all games you could, talk about everyting you could, so he was distracted with his phone as you thought about everything and nothing at once. That's when you heard him get a bit more mean, most likely because of video he just saw.

"How the fuck do people do that!? C'mon it gotta be edited... it's so impossible after all..."

"Penguins can fly so you can do that too for sure."

"Penguins can't fly, stupid."

"They can if you give them a rocket!"

He just stared at you... he did not understand your way of thinking, so the only thing he could do was show how stupid he thought it was with his expression.

"What?"

"I'm just done with you."

He's really not, he loves you so much despite your question and statements that sometimes even get him worried about your mental health...

Also he definitely looked up "rockets for penguins" when you weren't looking-

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

You were helping Tsukasa with his school project. Basically he was supposed to do model of something son you naturally helped him.

You were just gluing some pieces together when a sudden thought appeared in your had...

"Hey Tsukasa... glue is made to stick to everything, right?"

"Yeah of course! That's like it's whole purpose."

"Then why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?"

"It... wait... you're right! Why it doesn't!!?"

You two are combo of dumb and dumber but that's exactly why the two of you are just so adorable together!

You definitely gave up on that project for now and focused on discussing why it could be like that and omg weren't your assumptions delusional.

"Maybe bottle is just glueproof?"

"But how? Is it like magical or something?"

"It could be!"

You ended up looking the answer up on Google and both of you were disappointed that the answer was this simple whole the two of you discussed this topic for at least half an hour and even did sketch of how it could've been created!

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

Mafuyu was resting at the cafe with you as both of you waited for your orders to come. But then closed and opened your eyes... first thing that came to her mind is that you might be tired so she immidietly asked you for the reason.

"Are you tired? Do you want simp of my coffee? Or you can take a nap... I'll wake you up once our orders come."

"No I just realized something..."

She held herself back from sighing, she knew very well where this is going but of course she doesn't want to be mean without giving you a chance first so she let's you finish your thought.

"And what could it be this time?"

"Sometimes when I close my eyes, I can’t see."

"... Sometimes?"

She was confused... skipping the stupidity of that statement, what did you mean you don't see when your eyes are closed only SOMETIMES?! Should you go to doctor instead of aquarium date...?

As you nodded to confirm your words, she knew there was no way if explaining everything to you so she just gave up and decided to play nice. Especially since it's not first and definitely not your last stupid statement she hears today.

"That's... kinda right..."

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

[ochrearia]

8 BFs In a Room

Hell on Ochre technique is making myself balance 8 characters in one drabble because I feel guilty about leaving anyone's BFs out when they're on my list. Have fun shenanigans with a gut punch of angst at the end (sorry) <3

BFs in this drabble: PoPr!BF (Biff, mine), cs!BF (Beefer, mine), fc!BF (Boyf, Keyy's), wyd!BF (Beef, Karl's), sfa!BF (Peacock, Shed's), S2!BF (Bee, Isaac's), Candy!BF? (Blue, Slushgut's, unsure of a prefix for now), Yourself (YS)

“Why did I ever agree to this?” YS grumbled, rubbing a hand across his throat. “Fucking hell, I’m going to have such a sore throat tomorrow morning because I decided to indulge you shitters.”

“Well no one said you had to do them all one right after another, that was you, dumbass.”

YS glared at Boyf. “Oh and how else was I supposed to comprehend the request? Not a single one of you looked willing to wait your turn. No concept of patience in this room.”

“How am I supposed to have patience when you have such a cool song?! I got excited and so did everyone else!” Blue complained, contrasting the grin on his face.

“At least it was only six times and not seven. I had my turn months ago.” Biff was grinning as well. “Though I also had the thought in the back of my head that you wanted to kill me, potentially, so it was nervous fun.”

“I wasn’t gonna-” YS huffed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “No, fair enough, I literally smacked you across the room. Sorry. Have I ever actually said I was sorry for that? I’m such an idiot.”

“You were forgiven a long time ago, I don’t care.” Softer tone from Biff now. “Though I think you should have recreated the experience for everyone else. Or at least Beef.”

“What the fuck is your problem?!” Beef hollered, making angry faces at Biff. “Fuck you in particular!”

“Fuck you also!”

“I’m not smacking everyone across the room.” YS said bluntly. “I’m not going to be physically hurting any of you on purpose, thank you.”

“Aaah, big guy cares about us.” Peacock teased.

“Okay you’re making me consider going back on what I just said.”

“Can you reconsider that for Beefer specifically I kinda wanna see who’d win between you two.”

“He’s a literal dinosaur?? Who the hell do you think is gonna win?” YS asked incredulously.

“I haven’t figured out how to go into battle mode yet and I’m too nervous about how my situation’s playing out to ask yet.” Beefer shrugged. “If that makes you feel better. I can’t do much other than bite and scratch without it.”

“Can you hurry up and figure it out a little faster though? I’m not the only one who’s curious about all of that you know. I want to see what a dinosaur me would look like!” Insisted Bee, practically stars in his eyes.

“Hey I thought the specimen here was YS, not me!”

“You guys aren’t actually fucking calling me a specimen right. I wasn’t even awake for that shit you can’t just decide that’s one of my nicknames.” YS complained.

“Biff was the one who said it, and also laughed about it.” Peacock pointed.

“Snitch!”

“Holy fuck, you’re all toddlers. All seven of you, I swear to god. Why am I in charge of any of you? Isn’t that what your Picos and GFs are for, I should not be responsible for this.”

“What’s wrong with putting you in charge? You have the best ideas out of all of us.” Blue insisted. “I haven’t been here for too long but you’re pretty cool! The rest of you are too!”

“Him? Cool? Nah, just wait until he’s scared of upsetting you and he starts getting all subdued and nervous.” Boyf snarked with his phone.

“Wait until you find out that he’s-”

“Beef you better not finish that fucking sentence or the dumb corner will PERSONALLY have your name on it.” YS threatened.

“Blame Biff for talking his shit man, that wasn’t my fault.” Beef grinned with a shrug.

“Can you guys stop keeping all these secrets? I want to know the YS lore too. Sharing is caring!” Peacock asked. “How come Biff and Beef get to know but the rest of us don’t?”

“Because Biff’s an asshole and figured it out on his own because he has the same issue.” YS huffed, crossing his arms. “And he decided it would be a wonderful idea to tell Beef, who doesn’t have that issue, and who would sooner exploit it instead of being a kind person.”

“We were doing it to cheer you up, shut up man, you ruin my life with the same problem and I’m at a disadvantage because your tall, lanky ass can pick me up like I weigh nothing!” Biff countered, anger playful.

“Anyone else feel like they’re missing a couple seasons here?” Beefer asked to the rest.

“Sounds like we need to interrogate those two for some info.”

“Beef, we’re buddies… you can tell me!” Bee tried to tempt him. “We played Nun Massacre together that one time, come onnnn, tell me!”

“You tell anyone about that and I’m actually going to go back on what I said earlier. I don’t need anyone else knowing that there’s a way to incapacitate me and you two knowing is already bad enough.”  YS hissed.

“Why would you say that though?” Peacock laughed. “Now we know there’s a way to incapacitate you. Yeah, you’re definitely one of us if you can’t think that far ahead to realize saying that’s only going to make us more curious.”

“Fucking- Shut up. Forget I said that.”

“I’m still stuck on the mental image of him picking Biff up like a toothpick.” Laughed Blue. “Can you do that with all of us? Oh, oh, how many of us do you think you could pick up at once?”

“I am not doing that.”

“Oh my god, this guy is so fucking grumpy and boring. Would you just live a little?” Biff sighed, standing up from his place on the floor. “Think fast chucklenuts, you better catch me or we’re both going to the floor!”

“Biff-!”

Biff ran at YS, jumping halfway there and practically slamming into the taller’s chest. He stumbled, frantically trying to keep himself steady and also make sure the small asshole didn’t crash to the ground between his hands.

“Jesus fucking- Why. Why are you like this. Don’t do that again or I will just drop you on purpose.”

“Nah, you wouldn’t do that, you care too much about your little brother to let him get hurt.” Biff teased snidely.

“Just saying, YS, if you wanted to reconsider him being your first little brother, you still can.”

Biff glowered at Boyf like he’d just tried to commit murder. YS snorted out a laugh, shaking his head at how ridiculous things got when all of them were in the same room.

“So wait, Biff’s not the only one who can have little brother status?” Bee asked. “Wait, where can I sign up?”

“Is there a form we have to sign, or…?” Peacock questioned with a hint of mischief.

“Wait, I want a big brother too!” Blue butted in.

YS wanted to be swallowed into the ground in sheer embarrassment over how happy this was making him. The bloom of warmth in his chest was still so unfamiliar, but incredibly addicting for the times he actually had felt it. Starting right in his heart and aching in the best way, spreading across his chest and successfully chasing away his cold body temperature for a time.

“I’d say me too, but I don’t think he can handle hearing one more of those with how his face is starting to turn red.” Beefer snorted. “You’re so bad at hiding the joy on your face, man. But I think it looks like it belongs on you, to be honest.”

YS couldn’t stifle the groan when his arms were still occupied by Biff, who was an annoying little asshole for jumping at him, causing this to happen all at once, and expose him for how happy he could get over the sentiment of having them all as little brothers. Of course it would be the littlest brother that could cause so much damn chaos in a matter of seconds.

“Shut up…” He protested feebly, but what was he supposed to do when Biff moved closer to give him a proper hug now? Fuck this guy, knowing how to derail everything. He wasn’t used to feeling so loved, hadn’t felt anything like it in a good while.

“I didn’t know this guy even had the capacity to blush. See, these are the things we should be telling each other, every little bit of information is going to help if we have any chance of helping him out like he does with us.” Peacock seemed like he was going to make a list of things at this point.

“True! Even the little things help paint a better picture. Makes it feel like the puzzle we’re solving is an actual person instead of some stranger.” Bee added in agreement.

“You’re all so-” What could he really say? All of them seemed so determined, like they’d all already had this conversation to agree to care. Maybe they had and YS just hadn’t noticed. He didn’t always read every message they sent in the group chat, especially since they could get rather loud in there. The sentiment all directed at him made him lose his words entirely.

“He’s thankful.” Biff answered for him with a softer smile. “Emotionally constipated idiot. I told you, man. Told you everyone was going to come to the same conclusion. You made a point to reach out to everyone in this room and the first thing you said to them was how you wanted to help them. First impressions aside, did you really think we were just going to take your help without wanting to give it back?”

“Man, you really are dumb if you thought that.” Boyf teased. “It’s okay, you’re still the smartest one. Probably. Blame yourself for getting us so addicted to your hugs. As if we weren’t going to start caring about you when you were so insistent to give out such affection.”

“Dude thought giving hugs to the group of idiots who are suckers for physical touch wasn’t going to make us care about him too.” Beefer snorted. “Are we sure we can call this guy the smartest?”

God I hate all of these idiots… no I don’t. YS thought, almost cringing at how fast he went back on his own thought. “Well it wasn’t originally part of my plan to make you guys care about me, I was making the support network for everyone else. So that you’d care about each other.”

“So you’re extra dumb then, because that was not fucking happening.” Stubbornness, the universal attribute. Peacock was a victim to it as much as the rest were.

So… did he have seven little brothers now? What a chaotic family. YS supposed one of them could have been joking and he just wouldn’t know. If they were serious about it, he was too scared to ask still. They’d have to talk to him about it like Boyf and Beef had. He felt a little guilty for forcing them to be the first to bring it up when realistically he wanted to be able to treat them all the same like that. Talk about being addicted, he was addicted to the idea of being  family. Addicted to being kind to them, addicted to the idea he’d get so much more affection turned his way if he could just be honest and ask about the brother stuff.

They were all looking at him with soft looks, expressions also teasing for some of them.

They’re so determined and happy to do this. YS thought, a twinge of guilt stabbing through his chest. I can’t tell them what I’d planned for the support network when I connected enough of them… They care too much about me now, I can’t tell them I was supposed to be… gone… by now.

They didn’t need to know. That plan had gone out the window weeks ago anyway. YS knew he cared too much, as selfish as it was. But now, knowing how much they cared about him too? He couldn’t. And it was fine. They didn’t need to know the extent of it. It was fine.

YS was sure they could tell how much he cared about them all by now anyways. Apparently he was terrible at hiding the joy from his face.

[velvrei]

Your sub!chad writing is so needed! 🙌

I was wondering if you be interested in writing about sub!chad trying to play it cool while the reader is sitting on his lap because they’re in public/have guests over?

But I’m sure whatever you write will be great!

omg yes i love this idea

⟡ chad didn’t expect to be so horny while talking to the rest of his friends. but somehow, you made it happen.

he was on the couch of him and ethan’s dorm. a few people scattered around the place, including the core four and your roommate, anika, along with quinn, ethan and few other people from ethan’s econ course.

chad was sat peacefully, talking to ethan with anika at his side, typing away on her phone. the two boys were talking about something that seemed useless to you, so you didn’t feel bad interrupting their conversation.

you walked over after chatting with mindy and sam, wanting the attention back from your boyfriend that he’d been giving to the black haired boy all night.

chad noticed your beautiful face and smiled, his arm around the back of the couch as he said facing ethan, knees pointed slightly toward him.

“hi, pretty,” chad greeted, his smile growing by the minute as your presence finally sunk in.

you smiled down at him, ethan’s eyes roaming across you then returning back to chad. anika gave you a smile, then tried finding a space for you to sit down.

you stopped her, “it’s okay,” you whispered, shooting her a wink before walking back over to chad and slowly sinking down onto his lap. chad was a little taken aback by your action, however, his face told everybody he didn’t care.

he swallowed when he felt your hips graze against his clothed cock, trying to listen to ethan’s words but unable to focus. your hips shifted once more, wrapped your arm around chad and laying your head on top of his.

chad couldn’t help but notice your chest, that had purposely fallen right in front of his face. he quickly turned his attention back to ethan, trying not to fall apart.

ethan didn’t even notice what was going on in front of him, more worried about the conversation over everything.

anika, on the other hand, was watching and mentally applauding you for making such a big man squirm and stutter just at your touch. she was definitely going to text you about it later.

chad began speaking and your hips shifted again, this time farther back, but you movements were stopped when his hands firmly held your hips in place, not letting you adjust anymore.

you smiled to yourself, knowing your plan had worked, and it wasn’t until the others had migrated to the other rooms that chad finally looked at you with his pretty, brown, doe eyes.

“what the fuck was that?” he whisper yelled, his face so close to yours you felt shivers down your spine from his breath.

you smiled and bit your lip, “what was what?”

chad rolled his eyes, “don’t play dumb!” his eyebrows furrowed as he watched your expression change. he felt his hips shift again and his head fell back.

“i- i can’t handle when you do stuff like that.” chad spoke, and you knew that for a fact, this wasn’t the first time he’d been whiny from your touch.

you cupped his face that was still below you, looking down into his beautiful eyes. “i know, love, that’s why i do them.”

chad’s eyes rolled, and you grabbed his face, not too firmly but still enough to show you meant business. “what, baby, you can’t take it like a good boy?” you we’re partially messing around but you felt chad’s hips buckle and his breathing turned into tiny pants and whimpers in your ear.

“no- no, i’m sorry, mommy, i can, i just- i wasn’t expecting that, and now-“ he stopped, shyly covering his face with his hands.

you slowly grabbed his hands and brought them away from his cute face, “now what, baby?”

chad gulped, you watched his adams apple bob and his eyes looked back up at you once more. “now i’m so hard, and i almost came in my pants because of you.” he voice was shy and just above a whisper, but everything he was saying was doing it for you and made you want to go back to your dorm and fuck him all night.

you smiled, “oh yeah?” you watched as chad melted, his eyes scrunching shut. “stop that.”

you grinned down at him and cupped his cheek, moving your hips one more time. “you know if we weren’t in public i’d make you cum, here, in your pants.” you whispered in his ear as everybody started to walk back into the room.

chad nearly cried and rested his head against your chest, his hard dick throbbing under you and you couldn’t help but watch with a smile.

he was in for a long night.

[valle-de-sombra-de-muerte]

Homestuck Reread: Act 3, Part 1/3 (p. 760-891)

Read the previous post here.

Time for the beginning of Act 3! An inauspicious start, since the Act begins with Jade's introduction.

So I guess the "reader" is still acknowledged as a thing. And they're actively attempting to manipulate Jade. I wonder how much longer this will last for.

Jade has so many interests, you guys! So many! And I'm sure each and every one of them will be relevant to her character as well!

Also, she needs reminders so she doesn't forget about the things she's interested in? What?

Why does Jade have so many variants of fetch modus when none of these will ever show up again? Actually, the whole modus system continues to be really dumb and that's probably why it's rarely mentioned in the later acts.

Jade's precognition again being treated as just a fun lil' quirk. Gosh, she's just so quirky, right fellas? So many modi, so many interests. She's just so silly and fun, right? Right???

Honest confession time. When I first read Homestuck, I had no idea that a "eureka lemon" was an actual variety of lemon. Of course I've heard of crab apples, key limes, and mandarin oranges, but it never occurred to me that a eureka lemon was also a real thing. I didn't figure this out until years later.

Wait wait wait. Hold the phone. Jade is a fan of old cartoons? When is that ever referenced again outside of the occasional mention of Squiddles (a show that isn't real)? What the fuck? John likes movies, has posters in his room, and name drops his favorites on a regular basis. Why does Jade not talk about any cartoons she likes???

Physics, gadgetry, and gardening are all shit that aren't ever mentioned again either, but I was at least aware of those things being related to her, at least on a surface level. Jade's whole thing (well, what I assume Hussie ostensibly intended to be her thing) is that she's this genius wiz kid. And her username is gardenGnostic, so of course horticulture has to be somehow related to her character. This whole cartoon thing is seriously new knowledge to me, though.

Grandpa Harley was a real renaissance man with a multitude of interests, so it's natural that Jade takes after him. The problem is that Grandpa is dead and he's less of a character than he is this mysterious symbol that Jade both admires and resents. It doesn't matter whether or not he's fleshed out, but Jade is a main character, so by necessity she must be or else she comes across as half-baked.

Jade has two pages dedicated to her interests, yet none of them are relevant to her character. She never talks to anyone else about gardening or anthros or anything like that. She doesn't use her scientific knowledge to help solve a problem. Her guns only serve the same basic combat purpose as the other kids' kind abstratus, but beyond that she isn't a gun nut.

One can point to stuff like John's interest in programming or Dave's love of photography as examples of extraneous character traits that don't ever manifest later on in the comic. But in Jade's case, it's nearly all of them. Hussie could've filled these pages with anything he wanted, but nothing would alter the existing perception of Jade being nothing more than "silly, upbeat girl who can see into the future." This is what I meant when I said earlier that she doesn't have any character to speak of. Or rather, she's just extremely shallow.

And because Jade doesn't have enough quirks already, her shirt randomly changes designs. Wow! Incredible!

These "manthro chaps" are honestly more unnerving and sexually charged than the smuppets. I don't ever see anyone reference them nearly as often, and probably for good reason. Unlike the smuppets, they're too close to resembling humans and are very uncanny. This feels like a deranged fetish thing, but it's being played off as more silly, quirky bullshit. "Slop trough" is a phrase I never want to read again.

Right. Hating furries was very much en vogue back in 2009, I'd say more so than the present. However, Hussie is going to great lengths to portray Jade as one of the "good ones." Her interest in anthros is non-sexual in nature and she does not partake in "cringe" furry activities like wearing fursuits and engaging in sexual activities with other furries. As stated before, the manthro chaps are being depicted as wholesome make believe, not in a feral/pet play context (despite the fact that that's exactly what it looks like).

This is just Hussie taking pot shots at a subculture that has historically been a very easy target for ridicule. I'm not even sure why he decided to make Jade a furry in the first place if he was going to draw lines in the sand like this. What an incredible dickhead. And since this is written from Jade's perspective, it makes her a dickhead too.

There are a few times later on where Jade comes across as rude or judgmental, coming at odds with her otherwise unflinchingly polite and optimistic disposition. Needless to say, this does little to endear her to me.

Like John, Jade also has a chest full of shit that doesn't end up mattering. Come to think of it, this whole intro sequence feels extremely drawn out, kind of like John's. John at least had the excuse of being the first character and he required a long intro in order to establish the tone and mechanics. We've gotten a good handle on things by the time we reach Rose and Dave, so their intros weren't nearly as involved. So why the fuck is Jade's taking so long? We know this whole routine, we've done it three times now. Can we get the fuck on with the story already!?

This is a really bizarre sequence of pages where the "reader" is forced to match the memory cards of Jade's modus, only to fail at it repeatedly while both Jade and Hussie judge them for it.

Man... I know it's a common fandom notion that Jade is the most neglected and underutilized of the main cast of kids, but you seriously wouldn't have guessed that based on all these early pages. She feels more like Hussie's favorite, if anything.

Every passage he seems to talk about her with affection and a total absence of snark, not like the other kids who are regarded with bemusement at best or mockery at worst when they do something foolish. Here the derision is solely focused on the reader for their apparent cluelessness, and both Hussie and Jade are on the same side. C'mon, Jade's just offering the reader to play this game and they fail because they're obviously not as smart as she is. Serves them right for that earlier, boorish suggestion that this wonderful girl might be a, gasp, disgusting fursuit-wearing degenerate!

There's something a little off about how this then-30 year old man created this 13 year old girl who's so sweet and perfect in every way, and whom he dedicates so many pages showing us every single one of her quirks and all the amazing things she has in her home. But I don't really want to dwell further on this, so I'll be moving on.

"But he does like his steak well cooked."

"He does prefer his steak rare after all."

Well, which is it??? Does he like his steak well or rare? Does Hussie not know the difference between these terms? Has he never cooked a steak before?

Dave Strider? More like Dave Simper. He is incredibly down bad. She's obviously not online, dude. Get out of her DMs. He's also facetiously engaging her with furry roleplay. God, Dave, get a clue! ERP is something only cringy furries do and as established previously, Jade is most definitely not one of those types of furries!

The Midnight Crew get their own dedicated flash. These guys sure are getting teased a lot, despite just being characters from an in-universe webcomic. I wonder what it could mean...

FINALLY we get to the Strider fight. Well, it's more like Dave vs. Cal rather than Dave vs. Bro. Not to try and crack open more Bro discourse, but the idea that people will try to equate Dave getting clowned on by a puppet with actual child abuse is absurd. I don't see how this is any different than the previous strifes John and Rose had with their parents.

FUCK it was only for one page. We're back to Jade again. You know, if I had a friend who knew whenever I was about to have an internet outage and acted all smarmy about it, I would probably stop talking to them.

"Grandpa Moreau over there on Hellmurder Island" is a good line. Thank you Rose for providing some levity to this slog of pages I've been enduring.

Another GameFAQs page, but this section is written by John for some reason. He brings up a great point about how nobody is reading these damn things. If you're some nudnik who truly gives a shit about how punch card alchemy works, oh boy do I have a page for you!

Jade dislikes hunting and it was mentioned earlier that she'd never shoot an animal. It strikes me as odd that she has such a passion for guns, but not hunting. What does she shoot then? She's a "skilled markswoman" but do we ever see a shooting range or anything to practice her skills? I can't imagine there's much else to shoot on this island aside from wildlife.

Grandpa Harley says Jade will grow up to be like the women in the photos he gets off to. I uh... I don't know how to feel about that. Other than perhaps it's for the best this old man is dead.

Wow! Who's this rude customer? What a crazy guy! Oh well, he was blocked so I don't think we'll ever see him again.

Finally at this point we take an extended reprieve from Jade. For the record, we're 99 pages into the Act. It took Rose 25 pages from her intro before the plot returned to John, and Dave 48 pages from his before turning back to Rose. (I'm not counting brief cuts to other characters for these counts, because the main focus is still on the recently introduced character). Nearly 100 pages of Jade showing off her house before going back to the plot. Augh!

Anyway, Rose actually reaches out and grabs the captcha card, which isn't something we've seen up to this point. This whole inventory system is weird, man.

I think it's all but directly stated that Mom Lalonde became an alcoholic because she has known the exact date the world was going to end. A sad detail.

Part 2 of the Strider fight ends with Bro yeeting Dave down the stairs. Again, I can't see this scene as serious representation of legitimate child abuse, especially with the fucking SBaHJ jokes at the end. The tone is so comedic and outrageous I don't understand anyone who takes it seriously.

Honestly, the earlier scenes with Dave roaming the apartment, being surrounded by weapons and sex toys, making comments of how he has difficulty accessing food, and being videotaped for Bro's fetish films paint a much better image of an abusive household than any of this strife shit. I don't want to try and argue that Bro isn't a bad guardian, because he definitely is, but there's this notion in the fandom that he does all this because he hates Dave and wants him to suffer, and I don't think that's true at all. His actions read more like neglect and carelessness, not malice.

You can make a list of all Bro's crimes, but hating his brother is not one of them.

John wins his fight against the ogres. There's an earlier page where we see him getting the tar kicked out of him (with the same over the top slapstick animations during the Dave vs. Bro fight, mind you), but it's only after Nannasprite and Rose join to help that he's able to achieve victory. He really can't do anything on his own, can he?

How about a "thank you, Rose, for beating those ogres for me"? Dickhead.

No "thank you" for Nannasprite, either. Instead he asks her to carry him to the gate, since he already knows Rose can't do it. This kid really sucks.

Now that I'm a third of the way done with Act 3, I have to say Jade is some honest to god Mary Sue shit. I don't like using that term because it's been misused to the point of uselessness, but come on. Compare Jade to the three previous kids and tell me that this girl isn't the most ridiculous character in this lineup.

We have John, the goofy cornball that likes pranks and watching bad movies; Rose, the smug pseud that likes the occult and writing lousy fiction; Dave, the aloof hipster that likes rapping and making shitty comics; and Jade, the genius manic pixie furry girl with a randomly changing wardrobe that can see into the future, lives on a private island full of crazy hi-tech gadgets, was raised by a radioactive dog, and likes physics, gardening, sharpshooting, bass guitar, and inventing.

Fuck me. If I was DM for a DnD session and someone submitted a character sheet like that against three normal ones, I'd tell them to leave. Why can't she just be a normal kid like the others? It's all so jarring!

Suddenly I'm wishing I was back reading Act 1 again.

Read the next post here.

[boydepartment]

JAYJAY I HAVE THIS CUTE IDEA THAT YOU MIGHT LIKE

OKAY OKAY….imagine going on a road trip with enha! I THINK IT WOULD BE SO CUTE ESPECIALLY WITH JAKE AND NIKI AAAAHAHEHHDJDDJJ HEHEHEHHEEHHHEHEHEH👹👹👹

Enhypen Headcanons- Road-trip!

HELLLO MY DEAR IT HAS BEEN A CRAZY COUPLE OF DAYS BUT I AM ON IN RN!!!! IM GONNA DO THESE AS LIKE HEADCANONS <3 edit- IM SO sorry this took awhile. i had a ton of birthday stuff and then my friends stayed like the entire weekend. I LITERALLY FINISHED THIS WHILE THEYRE SLEEPING EVEN THO WE HAVE CHURCH TOMORROW ITS LIKE 2:30 AM!

MASTERLIST

JUNGWON- Jay def put him in charge of music mainly because Riki kept playing something INSANE LIKE ASMR ON THE AUX. Jungwon probably plays really nice classical music that makes everyone fall asleep but then will randomly play screamo too so he scares everyone. He lets everyone choose a song though! DEF ASKS TO GO PEE EVERY 20 MILES HE SITS RIGHT BEHIND JAY! His song choice is No More Dream by bts

HEESEUNG- I think be brings up like "lets play ispy!!!" then looked at like Jay like "i spy a grumpy pants!" Just to mess with him while he's driving. Other than that he is the snack keeper. He is in the passengers seat and the snacks are by his feet so no one hogs snacks. One time though Heeseung wanted to mess with Jake by playing tug of war with the bag of chips and you can imagine how that ended. Heeseung's song choice is You got a friend in me by Randy Newman

JAY- HE IS DRIVING. He gives driving vibes yaknow?? He is def a safe driver too, like he isn't driving like a maniac. He always has his blinker on too early and he is driving the speed limit. Can you imagine Jay backing up the car.... ANYWAYS- He has def turned the music off to focus when the car gets tense too Jay's song choice is Mr. Brightside by the Killers or he will just turn on like the oldies radio.

JAKE- He is somewhere in the middle of the van, I also think he gets carsick so bad. Whenever Riki wants him to look at something on his phone if its longer than a quick glance Jake NEEDS to look out the window, otherwise those chips he ate off the floor bc of Heeseung are coming up to land on the floor again. Other than that he loves to sing a long to songs <3 He would probably play the anything off the Guardians of the Galaxy soundtrack!

SUNGHOON- HE HAS THE COOLER W THE DRINKS ALL THE WAY IN THE BACK! They have tea, soda, water, everything. He wanted the seat all the way in the back for this reason. And because Sunoo is just on his phone the entire time. Sunghoon has def accidentally smacked Jake in the head with those sodas that are encased in glass. BY ACCIDENT. He also eats the ice from the cooler.... Sunghoon would play like old songs from I-Land and then be like "remember when so and so did this??" Just to add drama in the car.

SUNOO- On his phone the entire time!!! Next to Sunghoon in the back. He has his headphones in and he is playing a game. Sunoo is very quiet and just does his own thing! Only looks up when he gets a tincy motion sick or when he sleeps <3 He brought his own snacks. SUNOO DOESNT TRUST ANYONE NOT TO EAT THE FOOD W HIS NAME ON IT. "Riki just pick my song for me I am not listening."

NI-KI- "Dude if you throw up, puke on Jungwon..." VOMIT INSTIGATOR He also ended up right in the middle of the car which is really dumb because of how tall he is. mf is literally blocking the rear-view mirror. Riki also purposely will take longer to use the bathroom because before he left he sprayed a TON of axe in the car just to mess w people more. He likes when the windows are rolled down so it works out for him. He probably plays the MOST insane shit ever, like cbat or like REALLY old meme songs JUST to get on everyones nerves. LIKE THE RAINING TACOS SONG "Um I get two songs... Sunoo gave me his choice <3" THIS WHOLE CAR IS JUST A MESS!