#I have context for this but you're not going to get it for a WHILE

[ramshacklefey]

One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich and The Things They Carried rewired parts of my brain. The Odyssey was a real treat. (Especially when some of my classmates who found the language rather opaque started gathering around me at morning homeroom to hear my retellings of last night's reading assignment.)

But I know some of you probably have or had a miserable time in English class, and that may have been partly because your school didn't properly prepare you for reading the books ahead of time, so you were just totally at sea all the way through.

If that's the case, here are some tips for getting more enjoyment out of a book you're struggling with!

Look up summaries of individual chapters (CliffsNotes usually has these). Then go back and read them. Having an idea of what's happening might help you follow along with language or writing styles that you're struggling with.

Let yourself skim over particular passages you're baffled by and latch onto the ones that make sense. Finding points that you can follow might help you make sense of the trickier ones by providing context.

If you don't understand a character's motivations, especially in older books and books that take place in a foreign country, it might be because you're missing context. That's okay, and your teacher isn't expecting you to have encyclopedic knowledge of the historical and cultural context for a book.

But also, even in the most unfamiliar circumstances, you can look for things that make sense to you. The characters are still people, and regardless of context, people are still people.

But also, sometimes you just can't relate to the character. That's ok. "Well I would never ____" Yes, but this person did. And here's why. In the world they live in, it made sense or it was the only thing they could do. And there are people in real life who do that. Now you've seen a little bit of why.

You don't have to like all the characters. Some characters (even the protagonists) you're supposed to hate. Sometimes that's because the author is saying, "This bastard is fucked up, but do you see how he got that way?" Sometimes it's, "This bitch made every wrong choice possible, but damn if it didn't make some wild drama."

Remember that sometimes the author may not explain exactly why something happens because it's supposed to be a bit of a mystery at first! Keep reading and see if it gets explained later!

Look up words in the dictionary!!

If you're having trouble keeping a lot of characters in your head, make a cast list. "John is Mary's brother and he's a bit of a dick."

It's okay if there are books you simply do not vibe with. Give them a fair shake, but really, even the kids who love English class are gonna have books they hate. I despised a few of the books I read for school. But remember that struggling with a book and not liking it aren't the same thing!

And for the love of everything holy. Ask. Your. Teacher. Questions. Write them down while you're reading and ask! If you're scared to ask in class, talk to them at another time! But I can guarantee that if you didn't understand something, some of your classmates didn't either. If your teacher is remotely competent, they'll be delighted to answer your questions.

And there are no questions too simple to ask in class!! "Why did this character do this thing?" "What's up with this sentence?" "I tried reading this, and here's what I think the events of this chapter were. Is that really what happened?" "What the heck is a ____?" "Why was this bit in here? It doesn't seem like it's important to the plot." "How do we know that ____ theme is in here?"

Yes, there are themes and symbols and motifs and whatever else in books. Your teacher isn't just making it up. People tell stories for a reason. The author is trying to communicate something to you. "Well why didn't they just say that?" Because saying it in a story shows you something about it. I can tell you, "Love isn't always enough to save you." or I can show you that by telling you a story about two people who fall in love and then get their shit wrecked. I can tell you, "This war happened and it was awful," or I can show you the people who were in it and what it did to them. I can tell you, "The government is a corrupt pile of festering feces," or I can show you what might happen if we keep going on the path we're on.

And you might not agree! You can say, "No, it wouldn't happen like that." You can say, "But this war was worth it because it resulted in this." You can say, "Actually, this particular social outcome seems pretty rad to me." That's okay because stories are a conversation, not the word of God from on high. But again, give the author a fair shake.

The most important thing is that you don't just give up if you're struggling. You're in school to learn! So accept that there are things you don't already know.

I straight up do not trust you if you did not enjoy a single book you had to read for English class. I know they assigned some real stuffy stinkers and the curriculum varies across districts but not one? Not The Outsiders? Not The Picture of Dorian Gray? Not Fahrenheit 451? Not even Frankenstein? Damn. That’s crazy.

[cheapshrimpysheep]

2 Hot Chocolates & a Fortune Cookie

SUMMARY: “Never forget to tell people how much you love them. They may not know.” is what is written on the little piece of paper in your fortune cookie. But maybe the boy who gave you the cookie feels that these two phases applies to him too.

CHARACTERS: Deuce Spade / Kalim Al-Asim

TAGS: Fluff; GN Reader; Kiss

WARNING: Spoilers from "Sam's New Year Sale"

WORD COUNT: An average of 1.180 words per character.

COMMENTS: I like to write things based on the cards and I wanted to write something with the New Year's cards but I never thought of anything good enough. Until I reread the story looking for an idea and here it is.

I hope you all enjoy 🥠 And Happy New Year! 🎉

About the currency in Twisted Wonderland: From what I understand, on the JP server the Madols would be the equivalent of Japanese Yen while on the ENG server the Thaumarks would be the equivalent of US dollars. Which personally makes it easier for me to tell whether something is expensive or not in this world.

P.S.: In the second Sam's New Year Sale event, Vil is the one who says that the Mystery Bags cost 40 Thaumarks.

CONTEXT: You even thought about buying one of Sam's mystery bags, but when you saw all the commotion that there was every day in that store, plus the fact that the bags cost 40 Thaumarks (and it's not like you could afford to spend that much on a simple bag considering the money Crowley gives you), you ended up giving up on the idea and not even going to Sam's store to say hi to Deuce and Kalim.

It was evening and you were in the lounge of Ramshackle Dorm when you heard someone knocking on the door. You open it and see Deuce still in his New Year's Attire.

“Good evening, (Y/N). Sorry to show up so late, but I wanted to give you one of these.” He hands you one of Sam's mystery bags. “I bought one and saved it for you. You never went to the store, did you? Neither Kalim nor I saw you. I thought maybe you were too busy or couldn't make it because it was always full. But I thought you might like to receive one. ...Hm? Oh, don't worry, you don't have to pay me back. It can be a New Year's gift for you. Open it! I'm curious to see what you got.”

You thank him, take the bag and open it. You take out a large box that says ‘Hot Chocolate Kit’. In the box there is a bag of mini marshmallows, a packet of chocolate powder, a bag of cookies and two edible spoons.

“Did you like it? I'm glad. Since it’s random, people often receive things that have nothing to do with their tastes. But who wouldn't like a hot chocolate in this cold?”

You put that box down on the entrance table and take out a second box which is a set of matching winter themed mugs. You suggest to Deuce to use those new mugs with you and taste that hot chocolate together.

“I would love to!” He accepts with a smile. “I'll help you prepare it. I hope we can make a third mug for Grim too, otherwise he'll be mad at us.”

But you see something else inside the bag, it looks like shiny paper. You put the box with the mugs on the entrance table too, put your hand back inside the bag and take out a golden ticket.

“It can't be!” Deuce is shocked! “It’s an Amazing Ticket! So they really are true!” He is very happy and excited for you. “You don't know what it is? The students were crazy about Sam's mystery bags because of this. From what Jamil-senpai told us these are tickets you can trade for any one thing in the Mystery Shop. And there's no price limit. You can trade it for literally anything in the store! This is the first time I've seen one. You're so lucky! That’s awesome!”

You feel a little guilty because it was Deuce who paid the 40 Thaumarks for that bag. So you try to give him that ticket.

“What? No! The ticket is yours. I gave you the bag as a gift. I made enough money from this gig to buy what I wanted, don't worry. If you were lucky enough to get it, it means you deserve it. Really, keep it and buy whatever you want.” He gives you an encouraging smile. “Oh! One more thing.” He takes a small bag out of his pocket and takes out a fortune cookie and gives it to you. “Don't worry, these were free to any customer in the store.”

You take the cookie, break it in half, take out the paper inside, give one half to Deuce and keep the other for yourself.

“Never forget to tell people how much you love them.” You read the message on the paper. “They may not know.”

Deuce chokes on the cookie but quickly recovers.

“Y-yeah, I'm fine. Sorry.” He chuckles awkwardly.

You jokingly ask if he forgot to tell his mother that and he laughs awkwardly again.

“Ha ha, no, I always end my calls telling her I love her." He gets a little embarrassed by this statement, but he continues. "W-what about you?”

You say making Grim's favorite dishes is an ‘I love you’ enough for him. Deuce laughs with you and suggests that the two of you go make the hot chocolates. Even if you seem as flustered as he is, he's too oblivious to notice these things.

He thinks about that message a lot while he prepares the hot chocolate with you in the kitchen, to the point of getting distracted from time to time. When you're already putting the marshmallows on top of the hot chocolate, you make a heart with them and give the mug to Deuce. He blushes slightly when he sees the marshmallows heart, but maybe it was the incentive he needed.

“Hum... (Y/N)...” Deuce starts saying, a little nervous, but then he takes a quick and deep breath and looks at you with renewed courage. “I was thinking about the phrase in your fortune cookie and...” He looks away to the hot chocolate you gave him. “I know I always call you buddy and stuff like that but...” He starts blushing again. “The truth is... I think... I like you as more than a friend.”

He won't be able to say much more than this, it's all still very new to him. So, you are the one who takes the next step and tells him, just as the cookie advised you, how much you like/love him. He looks back at you, surprised and with a sparkle in his eyes.

Now knowing that you feel the same way about him, he no longer needs to hold back and attacks you with a hug that lifts your feet off the ground while kissing your cheek.

He puts you back on the ground but continues to hug you. He doesn't have the courage to kiss you on the lips even if he wants to. But if you do it, he'll try to reciprocate with the most affectionate kiss he can muster.

After that, you two will go to the lounge with your hot chocolates. Grim will start complaining that you didn't make him one and Deuce will reveal a third mug of hot chocolate for him.

While Grim burns his tongue because he tried to drink the still-scalding chocolate right away, you and Deuce sit on the couch together with one of his arms around you.

“Happy New Year, (Y/N).” He wishes you with one more kiss.

It was evening and you were in the lounge of Ramshackle Dorm when you heard someone knocking on the door. You open it and see Kalim still in his New Year's Attire.

“HI (Y/N)!” Kalim greets you with his huge smile. “Happy New Year!” He reaches out and hands you one of Sam's mystery bags. “I didn't see you at the store, so I thought maybe you didn't want to get in the meddle of all that crowd. These have been some really crazy days. Ah hah. That's why I bought a mystery bag for you. Here! I'm so curious to see what you've got!”

You thank him, take the bag and open it. You take out a large box that says ‘Hot Chocolate Kit’. In the box there is a bag of mini marshmallows, a packet of chocolate powder, a bag of cookies and two edible spoons.

“Wow! So cool! You have everything you need to make hot chocolate. It tastes so good in winter. Did you like it?” You say yes. “That's great! I saw many students who were disappointed with the things they got. It's great to see that it was a nice surprise for you.”

You put that box down on the entryway table and take out a second box which is a set of matching winter themed mugs. You suggest to Kalim to use those new mugs with you and taste that hot chocolate together.

“Really?! I would love-!” His overly enthusiastic smile fades, giving way to a sad one. “I... would love to... but...”

“You cannot eat or drink anything that has not been approved by Jamil first.” You finish his sentence.

He gives you an apologetic smile.

“Yeah... But I can keep you company and help you prepare it if you want. I'm sure it's great.”

However, you have another idea. You pick up your phone and search for something while asking Kalim if Jmail knew he was there. He tells you yes, that he told Jamil that he just wanted to give you a New Year's gift before going to Scarabia. You find Jamil's contact and call him. He answers immediately.

“Did something happen to Kalim?!” It's the first thing you hear Jamil say.

You say no, that everything is okay, and tell him about the mystery bag and the hot chocolate to ask if you prepare it and taste it before Kalim he can drink it with you.

“Hmm... I don't know...” You hear Jamil's uncertain voice say. “It's not that I don't trust you. I know you would never hurt Kalim but...”

“No one needs to know.” You add.

There was silence for quite a while.

“*sigh* Okay. But only because it's you. And if this came in one of Sam's bags it could have gone to any student, which makes it difficult for it to be something directed at Kalim... Still, be careful you hear!”

You thank Jamil and consequently Kalim also shouts a ‘thank you’ to him. Kalim's sunny smile returns and he is now more excited than ever to make this hot chocolate with you.

But you see something else inside the bag, it looks like shiny paper. You put your hand back inside the bag and take out a golden ticket.

“WHAAAT?! IT CAN'T BE!” He sees you looking at him perplexed. “Sorry. But you got an Amazing Ticket! Deuce and I were wondering if they were even real. And now you got one! Hm? You don't know what they are? It seems that it was because of them that so many people were buying Sam's mystery bags. Jamil told us that these are tickets you can trade for any one thing in the Mystery Shop. And there's no price limit. You can trade it for literally anything in the store! Isn't it amazing?! You’re so lucky!”

You would feel guilty for being the one who got that ticket and not the person who paid 40 Thaumarks for the bag. But Kalim was filthy rich, there was no reason for you to feel bad.

“Oh! Speaking of luck, I almost forgot to give you this.” Kalim takes a small bag out of his pocket and takes out a fortune cookie to give to you. “Sam was offering them to all the customers in the store.”

You take the cookie, break it in half, take out the paper inside, give one half to Kalim and keep the other for yourself.

“Never forget to tell people how much you love them.” You read the message on the paper. “They may not know.”

“Aww. That's a really nice message.” Kalim says as he eats his half of the cookie. “I love you, (Y/N)!” He tells you smiling.

“Aw, I love you too, Kalim.” That's what you felt was the best response back.

He said it so naturally that it seemed like something he would say to any friend, like Jamil for example. So you kind of responded the same way, even though you may really meant it.

You and Kalim went to the kitchen to prepare hot chocolates. Kalim looked like a child with a new toy, he was so excited to do something like that with you. He commented that the cookies were cute, the mugs were pretty, asked how to make chocolate with that powder, read the instructions on the back of the box with you, etc.

He was very happy to see the hot chocolate made, and all that was left was to put the mini marshmallows on top. He made a heart with them and gave you the mug with a cute smile. You do the same for him and he is very happy with your gesture, but something seemed to be bothering him a little.

“Hey, (Y/N)... When you said you loved me back, did you mean it? Because I did!” He smiles at you, blushing a little. “You didn't realise that? Why not?”

You explain that since he is always very affectionate with everyone, it is difficult to realize when he is not just being nice or considering the other person just a good friend, or if it’s something more than that.

“Really?! Ow, I’m so sorry. I didn't mean to confuse you. Looks like your fortune cookie was right. Well, I need to fix that now!” He comes closer to you and holds your both hands with his warm ones, looks you in the eyes and smiles affectionately. “You are the best friend I have ever had. Every second with you makes me happier and more loved than I could ever imagine. I wish I could do the same for you, if you'd let me. I love you (Y/N).”

He's not afraid that you'll reject him. Will it hurt him? Sure, but the most important thing is that he was honest with you and you deserve to know that you're loved.

You confess that the feeling is mutual. He is so relieved and extremely happy to the point of hugging you and lifting you off the ground while doing a spin. He gives you all the kisses on the cheek he's ever wanted to give you and can't stop hugging you.

He doesn't want to go too fast so he lets you kiss him on the lips first if you're comfortable with that. And if you do, you will feel all his love and passion for you in response.

After that, you both go to the lounge and sit together on the sofa. Grim appears, attracted by the smell, and starts complaining that you didn't make him a hot chocolate too. Kalim starts to apologize but that's when you reveal a third mug of hot chocolate that Kalim hadn't even realized you had made. Grim thanks you and Kalim praises you.

While Grim burns his tongue because he tried to drink the still-scalding chocolate right away, Kalim puts one of his arms around you and starts imagining and talking about possible dates and that he should give you the best quality hot chocolate in Twisted Wonderland next time.

If you would like to read more from me, you can find it in my pinned post: INDEX

[meanbossart]

ASK COMPILATION #385032: Shape-shifting genitals, mouth-mashing skillsets, who taps out first in the bedroom and the 17 different types of meat this guy eats.

I TRIED TO MAKE THIS A BIG ONE. Thank you everybody for your patience!

The truth of the matter is that I need one dramatic light-source or I will perish. HOWEVER...

Yeah, they seem the type to leave it purposefully ajar for the thrill of it. As well as the excuse to bring hell down upon anyone caught trying to steal a peek.

YES, actually! I've had the concept for a comic or two that's precisely about interactions they've had while younger. Comics take a lot of work, and there's a LOT of things I want to do, but that is definitely in the plans.

Yes! Or rather, as a shapeshifter, I believe she doesn't bother with them 99% of the time, possibly never, even though she has the habitability to form them if she so wished. The Orin DU drow knew was always doll-like in appearance when nude, and he did not particularly mind it or fantasized about anything different.

I believe this is both a preference in Orin's part (and across many shapeshifters, if I recall correctly) as well as a strategic choice.

And thank you so much!

[MORE BELOW THE CUT]

I don't know, kissing isn't that hard LOL I think they're pretty even-leveled in technique but Astarion is the tonguier one.

ALL IN DUE TIME, MY FRIEND, ALL IN DUE TIME...

Maybe 😊 🤫though I'm not sure how useful his powers would be in that context.

That said, Indeed! The irony of this match isn't lost on anyone. I'm sure Astarion would have some thoughts about the convenience of it.

I know this is more of a jokey message, but I don't think Astarion would be cool with that sort of thing, and DU drow most definitely wouldn't ask 😂

Whatever works, as he would probably say!

Astarion got drunk through DU drow on occasion while he still fed on him, yes LOL I don't care if that makes sense or not, It's a hysterical concept and definitely factual in my canon. To be fair as well, DU drow is a huge man and has to drink a LOT to get properly wasted - so Astarion wouldn't have to consume a whole lot from him to get on a similar level!

Post a few particular post-campaign events, Astarion gets drunk through strangers' blood that were either piss-drunk already or have been fed alcohol forcibly by the pair.

He likes thick stews, braised pork, and meat-pies the most. Don't ask me when or why I've decided this but he likes octupi as a every-once-in-a-while treat - I think he mostly enjoys the experience of eating it more than the taste.

For drinks, he likes beer, red semi-dry wine, and mead the most. He also likes a GOOD whisky - none of the copper-coin garbage they serve at most Inns.

Hi! Incredible question. DU drow can go indefinitely but when he stops he knocks out in record speed. There usually comes a point where Astarion flops over and lets him do all the work.

You know how, shortly after you find out about it, if you tell Astarion that you're frightened of your origins you get that really heartfelt bit of dialogue about how yourself and him are so much alike, and how he feels similarly powerless before Cazador as you do toward your father? Well, I never got that, because DU drow was too busy squinting into the horizon and contemplating the logistics of his conception which prompts Astarion to, essentially, say something along the lines of "Okay, if all you want to do is discuss your dad's cum I'm out"

So, like that.

They didn't smash in the graveyard! I'm hoping to either write a short thing about it, draw something inspired by how the scene went down in my head, or, ideally, both!

That IS kind of a wild comparison but I'm guessing you know about my origins, LOL.

Not... Quite. I'm reluctant to say more because I would like for it to be a surprise that I bring you all through art (even if you can make a pretty accurate deduction based on what has been said so far) but suffice to say that this is the flipside to the Bhaalist DU drow AU.

I don't think I could find the time 😭😭😭 but that's a hysterical idea and I would gladly mash together a bunch of clips if someone else was willing to highlight them!

Hello and thank YOU for humoring me in my nerdy little forays!

I hadn't heard about Model/Actriz but I had a little sneak-peek and, indeed, this might just be right up my alley LOL

It's hard for me to remove these characters from their intended universe so I have a difficult time picturing what they would listen to if the options didn't all sound like string-y bardcore music. I'm sure there are more genres to speak of in DnD lore, I'm just ignorant of them!

That said I do have some thoughts about which of them even enjoy music at all.

REALLY enjoys music: DU drow, Jaheira, Misc, Karlach, Wyll.

Modestly enjoys music: Gale, Shadowheart, Minthara, Halsin.

Generally doesn't enjoy music: Astarion, Lae'zel.

No notes just canonical character information being shared

I forgot what this one was in reference to for a moment and I was so aghast.

I really, really hope you weren't hoping for me to give you work-out advice because both, if you were, you've come to the wrong man.

But if you're just wondering about lore here, I think it's a solid 50/50. I think he's predisposed to a really well-built physique because Daddy Bhaal said so AND he's incredibly active and incidentally does a lot of manual labor. If he's had a few too many sedentary days in a row (which is rare) he pretty much has to tire himself through at-home routines or he goes a little cuckoo-bananas as well.

And thank you for being interested in my little freak!

He's pretty thoroughly desensitized, and thinks far too little of Orcs and half-orcs to be intimidated by them, even when that lack of fear is downright stupid. He's not impervious to fear, however, despite how hard he tries to be - Myrkhul, Grym, the giant Steelwatch, the brain, and even Cazador AFTER he snatched Astarion away were all encounters that made his blood run cold to varying degrees. I think it takes an unfamiliar foe for his sweat to run a little cold.

(Ironically, Raphael had no such effect on him.)

[ctrl-alt-bucky]

Ghost & Bucky x Reader — Headcannons

I can't get these two out of my head, so here's even more crossover content lol. If you haven't read the first post, you can do so here! It's not required, but it might add some context.

♡ Headcannons below the cut ♡

Word count: 693 | Tags: gender neutral terms, mentions of kink (rope, dom/sub dynamics, etc.)

Though they're alike in battle, it's a different ballpark in the bedroom. While Ghost is sweet and teasing, Bucky is commanding and rough. Ghost often calls you "sweetheart" as he's pinning you down, sometimes with his hands, sometimes with rope if he has any on hand.

Ghost would coo and grin as you tremble, his sweet tone undercut by the sadistic way he'd restrain you and hold a vibrator to your most sensitive parts— and when you're crying, either from the need to cum or the need to stop cumming, he'd just grab your hair, expose your throat, and murmur, "You can handle it, baby. My good little slut."

Additionally, Ghost is often the one who stays beside you during aftercare while Bucky heads off to draw a nice bath. They both take turns carrying you from the bed to the bath and vise versa, their arms gentle but strong; the pinnacle of safety.

Both of them tend to fight with one another over whose clothes you wear, whose body wash you're smelling like, etc. And you play into too, purposefully throwing on Bucky's oversized tees and strutting around the apartment, knowing Ghost's intense gaze will be on you the entire time. And likewise, Bucky's subtly smug expression will cause Ghost to hug you from behind and take what's his.

That's why Ghost loves markings. You don't go a single day without some sort of hickey on your throat, thighs, chest, and anywhere else he can reach. One time you had an obvious lovebite right above your collarbone, and while the rest of Task Force 141 kept making playful remarks about it. Ghost was the one standing off to the side with his arms folded, wholly smug and his eyes displaying a sense of satisfaction behind the mask.

Both soldiers have a love/hate relationship with sharing you. But they find ways to make it easier, especially when they have you sandwiched between them, Ghost's steady hands on your waist as Bucky's tongue tangles with yours.

Bucky is rough, but he's cautious about it. It took him a long while to be comfortable with touching you, let alone with his metal hand. He often finds himself wrapping his right fingers around your throat; a reminder that he can be in control and keep you safe all at once.

Ghost won't go as far as choking you, but he does prefer to use various tools on you, so to speak.

Rope, vibrators, plugs— he changes between them depending on his mood. And it's not lost on Bucky either, who enjoys the surprise in seeing what Ghost made you wear this time around. Sometimes just a plug, other times cute lingerie he bought you as a gift.

More than once, Bucky has fucked you full and used the plug to keep it inside for later, when you inevitably run into Ghost.

It isn't always super kinky, however. There are days when the two soldiers are exhausted from their work and in need of relaxation.

They'll bundle on the couch with you between them, Bucky's metal arm on the top of the couch behind you, while Ghost's hand traces up and down your thigh; a movie playing on the tv, though none of you are really paying attention to it. His hand would sneak inside your boxers/panties, and you'd end up with Bucky's cock down your throat while Ghost's fingers lazily thrust inside of you, his other hand holding you face down, ass up.

"Our little plaything, hmm doll?" Bucky would purr as you choke around him.

Ghost likes to guide your head on Bucky's cock whenever you're forced to your knees. And when Bucky finally streaks your face, Ghost is the one who swipes his thumb through the mess to push it into your mouth.

At the end of the night, you'd find yourself surrounded by them, Bucky's heartbeat steadily beating as you lay on his chest and Ghost's warm, strong arms wrapped around your waist as he spoons you. They both struggle to sleep most nights, but with you passed out on top of them, both soldiers find it much easier to relax.

I couldn't help but make it a bit sweet, sue me. Hope y'all enjoy ♡ This has been in my drafts for *checks wrist* a year, holy moly. Absolutely send me prompts with these two so I have an excuse to write them!! >:) Also check out my ficlist for more!

[momo-de-avis]

...

Was enjoying my holiday, doing some shopping, and I get two missed calls from my brother at 3pm. I immediately get this sinking feeling in my stomach because we don't talk, he does not have a reason to call me, so I know something terrible has happened. I call back and when he answers, his voice is muffled and he's clearly tearing up. And that's when he says our father was found dead in a pretty fucked up way. And then he says "it's already on the news but he's not been identified". I'm gonna come out and say something I never do, but my father was once an extremely important public figure which is perhaps the main reason why we barely had a relationship and what in the end fucked up my family more than it was fucked already. And now they've identified him and it's everywhere on the news and I can't deal with this shit. I have never been in this position, I spent years of my childhood having my surname recognised by randos who made a huge deal, I have debated changing my surname because of it, but past the 2010s it stopped. I just cannot conceive being thrown in the middle of this shit AGAIN.

Also, what the fuck are you supposed to feel. This person was never there for me except financially , that's the one area he never ever failed. I grew up in a family split in the middle. He never even announced to me that he had a new daughter, introduced me to his partner (who I don't even know if he was married to or not) ONCE, never bothered inviting me to hang out and get to know her at all, just casually showed me a video of a little girl and told me her name, never even told me that was her daughter (i deduced It from context clues) and in the end of his life he was trying, he was trying to get close to me but was so fucking late. Last time we talked he asked me where I was going on vacation and I said Ponte de Lima and he said come over and stay with us, and I was so hesitant because that closeness never existed. A third of my life was spent devoid of this man's presence while reaping the fruits of his public career. Now he's dead in a freak accident and the person who communicated the news to my brother was the woman who gave him my supposedly half sister and never bothered to get to know me cause she doesn't even have my contact.

I feel like my mourning is for the man he could have been but never was, which is not much different from what my adult self has done for a while, and it makes me feel like a monster.

What the fuck am I supposed to feel? To do?

Portuguese people: however vague I was, you're all going to see it on the news and you're going to know immediately when you see it. This is a small country. Combine freak accident with public figure and it will be easily deducted. Yes, if I had a wikipedia page I'd have a blue link on my father's name. I just ask that you keep this to what it is and don't bring it up. I've been avoiding this shit my whole life and I just cannot conceive dealing with this crap right now

[glitter-stained]

Psychopathology in The Protector

So, I just realised I write stories about mental illness and do meta about it, but I haven't really talked about what's going on in my stories explicitly, so I figured it might be interesting to talk about what's going on on that front in The Protector (especially since I had gotten an ask about how to write dissociative episode, so I thought it'd be nice to talk more concretely about the link between writing and psychoanalysis meta). So of course, spoiler warning for the whole fic. Also, I wrote the story with all of my psychopatholgy headcanons and meta for the characters, but the meta only focuses on the parts explicitly shown in the story and for which I think there's stuff worth detailing, so if you're wondering "why doesn't Mia have CPTSD", "why doesn't Dick's pathological grief focus on his parents as well", they do, it's just not shown explicitly/enough in the story. With that said, let's get to it!

> So starting easy with Jason, about 60% of the point of the fic was writing about cptsd in the context of csa, so obviously he has CPTSD. In most of the fic, it expresses itself mostly with traumatic nightmares, panic attacks in the context of vivid traumatic flashbacks in which he thought he was back in the traumatic moment (ie waking up from the nightmares, the panic attack in the room with Tim and Steph, or the chapter 6 fight scene with Dick...) and of course that fight against Martian Manhunter where he voluntarily triggers a flashback to his death. Dude. But just because he has CPTSD like in canon doesn't mean it's expressed the same way! Here, the emphasis on the flashbacks and traumatic memories is much more intense (which has less to do with some fundamental change in his character and more to do with a ploy regarding reader empathy and the theme of taboo). However, when it comes to the "complex" part, the biggest change is that in canon, during his time as Robin, Jason grew to trust Bruce and consider himself as Bruce's son. Here, the whole point of the story is that their relationship is much more fragile: while Jason loves Bruce and sees him as his father, he very obviously never grows to fully trust him, and doesn't think of himself as Bruce's son/thinks Bruce regards him as such (as seen by him correcting himself after calling Bruce dad in the flashback in chapter 11). So while Jason's whole crisis is about a virulent devaluation of Bruce, I don't think it's fair to consider that this particular bpd criteria is fulfilled: this is based on false beliefs that are very stable and even logical regarding bruce and his worldview, that have literally lasted the whole 4 years since he met him (5 including the time he spent in a coma/dissociating). However, the identity crisis part is extremely salient, with Jason torn between the Robin and Red Hood identities (to the point of Duke suspects a jekyll and hyde type situation). The story as a whole puts so much emphasis on the concept of roles (hero, villain, victim, guardian, protector, avenger, etc.) in the context of trauma, as etiquettes that can give comfort and reassure our sense of control but fail to depict the true complexity of a situation. The most blatant example of this, imo, is the fight with Dick in chapter 6, where he goes from beating the shit out of Dick to cradling him gently upon realising Dick is having a traumatic flashback, because he immediately switches from "villainous enabling monster" to "victim, must be protected" as the two can't coexist in his mind. Around chapter 11 and through chapter 12, as a consequence of the final confrontation (and how badly he managed to retraumatize himself), Jason's dissociation symptoms go from something very hyperactived (fighting and flailing vividly in flashbacks, having panic attacks) to primarily hypoactivated, with an extremely absent attitude similar to the one in Lost Days (remember how we talked about the "catatonia" actually being a dissociative episode?) Because of the frequence and intensity of those episodes, and because I had a feedback loop in mind when I wrote them, I'd say they would warrant an additional Derealization/Depersonalisation Disorder diagnosis.

> Talking about Dick! Mostly the story focuses on his PTSD in regard to Catalina raping him while in shock after Blockbuster's death. Regarding his PTSD, aside from the flashbacks, our resident acrobat is also touch-averse and has nightmares. Because of his screwed up sleep schedule due to both the vigilant life and nightmares, he also experiences sleep paralysis, which tends to trigger flashbacks to the moment of his rape (mostly due to not being able to move and feeling a weight on top of him); the spiders are a mix of sleep paralysis hallucination and traumatic flashback. With time, this leads to him developing, not really a fully-fledged phobia but a clear, intense discomfort towards spiders in general.

> Bruce, Dick and Tim all have pathological grief. For Bruce and Dick, for the purpose of that story this grief is mainly focused on Jason (in chapter 2, Bruce sees Jason in the glass case and it's implied that he's been seeing him many times; Dick hallucinates Jason in chapter 3, and we're told that this is a setback as it hadn't happened in years). For Tim, it's a little more complicated: because of this AU's compressed timeline, our boy just lost, in rapid succession: his mom, Darla Aquista, Steph and his dad. He's not doing so great. But Tim's pathological grief is at the intersection with his ptsd (see: the mention of his nightmares in chapter 1). The limit between ptsd and pathological grief is already very blurry at times in the classification, but with the conjunction of the two it would be absurd to try and separate the two. And it's in the context of Tim's civilian identity being permanently attached to a kid that died and whose suit is displayed in the cave, so there's this constant stress and pressure of not failing, lest you end up like Jason, which completely haunts Tim with regard to his feelings of powerlessness at saving the people he's lost, hence why he's haunted by a dead Robin (with the caveat that Tim's view of Robin Jason was more positive than in canon, there's some mention of victim-blaming near the end but mostly Tim thought very positively of Jason due to him being Robin and the attachment to the symbol. This has nothing to do with particularities in their psychologies from the trauma or or anything, Tim's just a secondary character and I didn't have the space to focus on that since the story isn't about Tim, it's a topic that would have deserved more space and I didn't want to take space away from the central point of the story.) With Tim, we also see insomnia, fatigue and a perturbation of his usual life rythm as a result of that grief/ptsd. I also gave him food sensitivities, but that has nothing to do with the grief or trauma, it's just one of my hcs for Tim.

> With Cass, we see, again, other possible expressions of PTSD. We see her be haunted by what looks like a hallucination of herself as a little girl holding onto her victim's heart: sometimes traumatic flashbacks can look a lot like hallucinations (and lead to false psychosis diagnosis). We also see avoidance, which is really not something I see often mentioned when talking about ptsd, and yet avoidance of triggers plays a key role in how the disorder works. In chapter 11, Cass is already triggered by the situation as a whole and seeing Jason relieve his murder, faced with her powerlessness, induces emotions too intense, which she has to run away to evacuate in private; in chapter 12, it's mentioned that she avoids Jason for the same reasons. We also see the impact of the stress on her mood and social interactions, with her snapping at Barbara, beating up the punching bag, and all the anger she holds towards herself resurfacing as well as her anger towards Jason (which is more complex but involves a big level of projection.) It's also mentioned that her speech regresses in the months following the kidnappings. That's because in the timeline of this AU, Cass is at a moment where she's learnt how to speak, but it is not automatic yet: it still takes effort and focus for her to do. Because of this, it's much more sensitive to stress, and the exhaustion of being stressed out all the time, which is why she struggles more when recovering from the events of the story. She has little screen-time, but I do think her thought process during that does involve a rigidity and a dichotomy associated with her complex trauma, which is why Jason's general existence challenges her worldview and triggers her so much, in a mirror of Jason's crisis regarding Dick: there are the villains, who do terrible things and need to be punished/sent away, and there are the victims, who need to be protected, and she can't forget what he did (and what he made her think he did) that prove him a villain, and she can't stop her empathy and reading skills that prove he is a victim. Hence the crisis.

> Steph also experiences PTSD; while there's mention (in chapter 3) of the repetition of traumatic events causing CPTSD, the story focuses on the trauma from Black Mask and mostly on the "classic ptsd symptom" side. We have hypervigilance and panic attacks (in chapter 3), which is also why she attacks Tim before having taken her environment into account in chapter 4). We also see her avoiding her triggers with a lot of urgency; running away from the manor in chapter 12 is part of this, of course, but also her refusal to stay in rooms with closed doors in general (see her anger towards Ollie in chapter 9), and getting rid of her bedroom door entirely in chapter 12.

I think that's all for now, but I'll come back to this if other stuff occurs to me, feel free to ask if you have any questions!

[soggy-fishsticks]

hey guyss

there's been a few things I've seen in fics regarding wutai that I've sort of just wanted to give my two cents on, since I've never really seen anyone mention this before. it's definitely a small minority of fics, but it's something I wanted to sort of talk about anyways

I feel like in certain fanfics, especially ones centering about/in Wutai, are wayyy too chill with how they write their Wutaian characters interacting and responding to Sephiroth and, by extension, Shinra.

I feel like it's important to understand what exactly is happening in the war in Wutai within the context of the story when you're writing about it, y'know? Shinra is canonically trying to colonize Wutai in the story for that sweet sweet mako, and we get glimpses of the conflict in-game. I don't think I should have to say this, but what Shinra is doing is bad!! Attempting to colonize and, when faced with resistance, destroy Wutai is bad!!!! And I feel like while yeah, people understand this, in certain fics they neglect to actually write that dynamic in, and sometimes it gets to a point where it feels really odd.

An example of what I'm kinda talking about is this: Recently I read a fic centered around Sephiroth and Wutai, where Sephiroth was heavily injured there and (for plot reasons) recieved help from Godo, the Emperor, and other Wutaians. When they saw Sephiroth injured, one of the Wutaian soldiers went "but sir!!!!! this is our enemy sephiroth!!! the silver demon!!!!" and Godo's response was just,, "I know.... but I can tell, deep down, that he's a good man.... Now let's go help him." huh??

The sort of,, I guess gripe I have with this sort of interaction is that Godo could've easily been written to have deeper ulterior motives in saving Sephiroth's life. And I feel like a situation like that could've worked really well!!! But why are we writing Godo, the Emperor of the nation Sephiroth is (willingly or not) helping take over to be so.... nonchalant with the man who is helping cause so much suffering in his nation both in his eyes and like,, objectively??

I've seen Godo and other characters be written that way so many times 😭😭😭 And I feel like that last part on its own is also something I wanna mention- It's so oftenly glossed over in these kinds of fics that Angeal, Genesis, and Sephiroth were all (obviously) helping Shinra in the Wutai War!!!!! Of course, none of them were offered any other alternative choices, but in the eyes of the Wutaians, they would reasonably be incredibly upset!! I feel like acknowledging that not only makes more sense writing-wise, but adds so much more dimension and tragedy to their characters.

This isn't to police peoples writing, ultimately I'm just a little bug yelling into the aether- but it feels odd when they're written like that. But idk maybe I'm just sounding like a good ol' blue haired liberal snowflake or whatever 😭😭

[searchforahero]

do you ever see urself un-shipping adopted family members?

no hate btw,

nope probably not :] dicktim has dug itself a place in my heart and it is pretty solidly never leaving <3

usually when i write them they're not particularly brotherly tbqh, but i've been working on a dicktim/timives fic lately where ives is. Freaked Out TM by tim & dick LOL its not done yet but here is a section from it (under the cut)

(for context i fucked up the timeline so basically tim is living in gotham, the uncle eddie stuff is happening, jack just died, tim is going to school with ives, and dick has been in between gotham and bludhaven lately. do not think too hard about how little sense that makes)

Dick Grayson is weird, and definitely not Tim's brother. It's been about a month since Tim first left school with Dick instead of taking the bus, and Dick's been coming to pick him up once every week or two since. Tim's been kind of cagey about stuff like how they met and how they got to know each other. Ives knows that Bruce Wayne was looking out for Tim while Jack was in his coma, but he had thought that Dick had been out of town for most of that.

Ives honestly doesn't know a whole lot about Dick, other than what every Gothamite knows, an orphan adopted by philanthropist Bruce Wayne, much like his guardian, he's known to be a bit of an air-head, but left Gotham to pursue policing in Bludhaven. Other than that Ives doesn't know much.

This is the first time that Ives is actually meeting the man. He and Tim had been hanging out at his apartment (which Ives still thought was super weird, who lets their sixteen year old newly-orphaned nephew live by himself? Especially in Gotham), playing Halo and talking shit.

Ives is just about to take the win when the front door goes flying open and Dick comes crashing in, calling out "Timmm, I don’t want to stay at the manor. Can I crash here?" He freezes in the hall between the entryway and the living area, presumably because he spots Ives. Ives is pretty sure he'd been about to crash forward on the couch they're sitting on before he turned the corner and realized Tim wasn't home alone.

He straightens up and smiles at Ives, says "Hey man, you're... Ives, right? Sorry, I didn't realize Tim had a friend over. I'm Tim's brother, Dick." He sticks out a hand for Ives to shake, and Ives just accepts that he'll have to take the loss this round, so he puts down his controller and shakes Dick's outstretched hand. He has a firm grip, firmer than could probably be considered casual, and his palm is covered in calluses.

Tim scoots over so he's sitting at the end of the couch instead of the middle, and waves at Dick, greeting him with "Hey man, you want to play with us?" He turns to Ives, tilts his head as if to say 'that okay?', and what's Ives going to say, 'no'? So Dick flops down on the couch, with his back to the arm rest and his legs thrown over Tim's thighs, and grabs the third controller.

They switch to Call of Duty and Dick kind of sucks at it, and after a few rounds he tosses the controller onto the coffee table and announces "I can't get used to the buttons, you'll never make me an XBox fan Tim."

Tim turns to look at him, frowns, and says "You've gotta admit that the XBox has a cooler design, like what's the PlayStation but a big hunk of plastic? The XBox has style Dick. Style!"

"Who cares about style when the PlayStation has way more exclusives man? The XBox has Halo and..." Dick mimes checking a notebook, "And yep, says here, Halo."

"And Halo is a masterpiece."

Dick pivots, shoves Tim's shoulder, tells him "Stop making that face at me, I don't care how cute you are, I'm not buying an XBox for my apartment."

And that's... That's weird right? There's something distinctly off about the way Dick said that, about the way he called Tim cute, not like an older brother teasing his younger brother, but like someone who- Ives cuts off the thought by physically shaking his head. He's not going to go speculating on his best friend's family like a jerk, especially when Tim has already lost so much.

He tries to ignore it while they keep playing, but Dick keeps poking and prodding at Tim, now that he isn't playing he's all over him, until eventually he just straight up lays his head in Tim's lap and announces that he's taking a nap.

Ives looks at Tim for any indication that he thinks this is weird, but finds none. When Tim isn't giving the TV his laser-eyed focus, he's insulting Ives' skills or brushing a hand through Dick's hair.

Ives is relieved when his dad calls Tim's apartment and tells him it's time to head home for dinner, because with Dick in the room, even asleep, he just couldn't relax like he normally can with Tim. There's something about the man that put him off.

He tries to ignore it, he's clearly important to Tim, and that's what matters, that Tim is surrounded with loved ones and friends instead of being forced to face the enormity of what he's lost alone.

[kittenintheden]

headcanon, subjectivity, and convincing the reader

hi! I got a wild hair to write a little essay today. here's that little essay. it's about fic writing and how our subjectivity about the source material becomes a conversation with the reader. LEZGO.

quick primer on common terms:

canon: objective, indisputable truth about the property based on what is portrayed on the page/screen. it is canon in BG3 that Astarion is a vampire spawn, it is canon that Wyll is the only son of Grand Duke Ravengard, it is canon that Lae'zel is a githyanki originating from Creché Ki'liir, etc.

headcanon: an individual's subjective interpretation of events and characters in the property based on context clues, hints, personal experience, vibes, etc.

fanon: a more widely accepted community headcanon that is not objectively supported by the property but is generally accepted as a popular interpretation of the source material.

word of god: interpretations considered truth by the creators of the property that may or may not be included in the source material itself. this includes devnotes, responses to fan questions, behind the scenes material, etc. there's much argument to be had about whether or not this is considered canon if it's not also represented in the source material itself.

okay? okay! now let's talk about transformative works (fanfiction and fanwork).

the first rule of transformative work is that there are no rules. okay? okay! to get that out of the way. which is why this is a post about subjective interpretation.

(obligatory blah blah blah obviously having basic writing skill and knowledge is helpful for communicating your ideas to the reader, we all know this)

but what makes a transformative work GOOD? what makes a reader pick up a fic, devour it, and then go "holy shit I can absolutely see how these characters in this scenario make sense. I BELIEVE in this story and this author's interpretation."?

that's where things get complicated. let's do a cut bc this is about to get lengthy!

when we become fans of a property, it's because we are the readers/viewers having a conversation with the source material. something about it caught us and spoke to us, then drove us to create more art based on it and using it as a framework. that's important.

as readers/viewers, we will always have our own subjective interpretation of the work. that interpretation is informed by the work's canon, but it's also informed by our personal experiences, feelings, and knowledge. that's where headcanons and subjectivity come in. it's why some people feel a character is "annoying" while others find them sympathetic.

(there is a MUCH BROADER conversation to be had about how social pressures and oppression also factor into this subject, but that's not my intended goal with THIS essay, so I will acknowledge the fact that a person's internalized biases also inform their perception of the material and move on).

so, we all develop our own personal headcanons about a work. it's inevitable. sometimes those headcanons are based in canon, sometimes they're based on our own experience. where they come from doesn't matter -- they are yours and they belong to you, and they will inform whatever work you create.

now comes the part where we begin a conversation with the reader.

when you're writing fic, one of your many jobs is helping the reader to understand your perspective. this is very challenging! you're essentially creating a written argument for why the characters and elements in your story are unfolding the way that they do, but you're doing so via the vehicle of creative writing. you're depending on narrative structure, dialogue, characterization, setting, plot, tropes, themes, metaphors, etc. to make your "argument."

if you've ever heard people say a character "felt flat" or that an action didn't make sense or that a fic subject is OOC (out of character), that comes from the writer failing to provide a convincing enough argument for the story they're trying to tell. (note: I use the word "fail," but I don't mean it in the sense that the project was a failure. art is never time wasted. but as with most things, it may take time to get to a place where we have the skills to tell the story we want to tell.)

so: how the hell do we work on an issue like that?

a few ways.

first and foremost, at its core, a transformative work should be in conversation with the canon of its source material. that DOES NOT MEAN that canon should be treated as a Bible and ultimate authority (people rewrite canon well all the time), but it does mean a writer needs to consider what worked about the canon to be able to apply it to their own interpretation.

if you found a character compelling in the original property, you need to understand what exactly it was about that character that made them so compelling. it isn't just how they physically look or their signature catchphrase. what about the source material drew you to them, made you empathize, turned you on, etc.?

if a particular relationship made you absolutely feral, WHAT IS IT about that dynamic that caught and kept your attention? what makes them WORK?

THAT is what the conversation with the source material is about. it's about understanding why you were moved in the first place. it's distilling the subjects down to their essence so you can put them in a different scenario without losing the core of who they are.

now you need to understand where your HEADCANON comes from.

(you will notice a running theme here that in order to properly tell a story, you have to understand the story yourself!)

our own subjective interpretation of a work is informed by the knowledge we have (I have a degree in reading and analyzing and writing creatively, it's something I literally went to school for), our personal experiences (Astarion speaks to people with a history of sexual abuse and trauma, imagine that), and emotions that rise organically when we interact with the source material, either unexpectedly (whoa I did NOT expect that to turn me on) or with understanding (animal death always makes me cry because it's upsetting to see something that doesn't understand what's happening go through that and/or I remember when I lost my own animal companion).

so! you have a headcanon that Shadowheart and Nocturne were lovers. this isn't something verified by canon, but it is a scenario that makes sense given the information we have -- they were very close, they have a secret place together surrounded by the flowers Shadowheart calls her favorite, they know intimate details about one another's lives, and their history of standing up for one another and caring about each other is clear.

how do you convince a reader that this is a viable scenario?

first, converse with the canon. all the framework is there for a potential romantic relationship. their respective personalities work together. now, determine why you enjoy this headcanon. is it the intimacy, the loyalty, the kindness? is it the hints from canon that they were important to one another? is it that they have chemistry you find interesting and appealing?

this is the argument you must make to the reader. this scenario is plausible because of canon, character, and context. now you need to build on it and add your own perspective in order to convince the reader to see it as you do.

this particular example is a pretty easy thoroughline, but the same principle can be applied to more varied scenarios. modern AU? okay, how would that change the way these characters interact with the world without losing what makes them, them? pirate AU? okay, which characters would make the most sense to fit certain roles in that scenario given their existing personalities?

there's a common refrain in my writing circles that goes: "do what you want forever." we tend to use it in a flip way to mean that this is play and creativity and you can literally do whatever you want, but the deeper message is, "you can make anything believable with the right approach."

and the "right" approach is about maintaining a conversation between yourself, the source material, your headcanons, and the story you're trying to tell. it's about bringing all those things together in a way that will convince a reader to believe it.

it's a balance, and it's one that isn't universal. no matter what we do, subjectivity means that some people will not agree with our interpretation. that's okay. not every story is for every person. what matters is that you're writing YOUR story for the readers who want to engage with it.

so, at the end of the day: do what you want forever, and do it well :)

[talkativeanxiousturtle]

I wrote this a while ago but didn't know if it was worth posting. Found it in my notes and it made me feel sick. We'll see. Johnlock angst, trigger warning for death.

Tick, tick, tick, tick.

"It's alright! I can fix this, I will fix this, just, give me a second, I need to...."

"Sherlock..."

"SHUT UP! I just need to go to my mind palace, just shut up..."

Tick, tick, tick, tick.

"Sherlock..."

"JOHN! What don't you get in 'shut up'?! Stop distracting me!"

"Sherlock!"

"I'M RUNNING OUT OF TIME!"

"... There is no more time. We're done."

Sherlock looks around, and his shoulders drop, letting the weight of the world slide off.

"No... I can still... I can..."

"Even if you found the code now, we can't access the panel anymore. It's over, Sherlock. The game is over."

John puts a hand on Sherlock, and he's not mad. He smiles at him. After the worst mistake of his life, Sherlock gets a smile as punishment.

"John... I'm sorry."

"Sorry? You never apologize. Why start now?"

"Because! Usually..."

He sighs, and lets himself fall to the floor. Rock bottoms are comfortable to him. Familiar.

"... Usually, the mistake isn't so bad, or, I have time to... Fix it..."

"Maybe. But not always."

"What?"

"Not always, Sherlock!"

John laughs. It's the best sound Sherlock has ever heard, when knowing he's about to die.

"Sometimes, you say something, or do something, to our clients, and you just... You never apologize. And you never fix it. You never see those people again."

"Doesn't matter."

"What? Your mistake?"

"No. Them. Besides, one would argue that by fixing whatever problem they came to me for, I fixed my own blunder times a thousand."

Sherlock knows John. He knows John wants to say something to that.

Tick, tick, tick, tick.

He knows John won't waste their time bickering. 

John laughs.

"Alright, Sherlock."

They sigh, and there's silence, as they sit next to each other, waiting for the room to swallow them whole. They're going to be crushed. Mashed into each other. Their bodies, if they're ever found, are going to be indistinguishable, a gruesome mix of blood and gore. Inextricable. Sherlock finds the thought oddly comforting.

"I love you."

Sherlock didn't expect John to waste their time lying.

"What?"

"I love you, Sherlock. I have, for a while. Maybe since the start."

He shrugs, with a casualness that's heartbreaking, in context.

"Since we're gonna die, I just thought I'd let you know. You don't have to say anything, I know you don't..."

John looks at him, and even now, there's hope in his eyes. Sherlock isn't about to waste this. What use are masks when the mascarade is over?

"I love you too."

"No, I mean..."

"I know how you mean. And I love you too."

There's a silence, as they both stare each other down.

May the stages of grief begin.

-----

Denial.

"Wh-what? No!..."

"Yes, John."

"No! No you don't... You don't love me! I mean... M-maybe you do, but you're not... In love with me! Sherlock!"

Sherlock sighs. Weary.

"I am, John. I tried hard not to be. To pretend otherwise. But I am."

"But... But..."

John looks angry. Perhaps he will waste their time with bickering after all.

----

Anger.

"But why!"

He finally explodes. Sherlock is confused.

"Why what?"

"Why... Why... Why didn't you say anything!"

"Why didn't you?" 

Sherlock's counter accusation is enough to catch John off guard. 

"I... Because, I..."

"Because you were scared."

Sherlock's tone is cold, implacable truth.

"I was."

"And so was I."

"And so were you."

Silence. No, not silence. Tick, tick, tick, tick.

"... We're really two idiots, aren't we?"

Sherlock laughs, because it's true. They are. And he'd rather hear John laugh than cry.

----

Bargaining.

"Well, then."

John gets up. Slaps his knee. It's about to be too small in here to do either of those things. He looks at Sherlock, beckons him with a nod. Sherlock hesitates and gets up. John pulls him closer, and Sherlock swears that this will be enough to make time stop, to delay the inevitable.

John kisses him.

Sherlock eventually backs away, stunned.

"What? What's got you so wide eyed?"

"I... You... Kissed me."

"Yes, I did."

John smiles. He kisses Sherlock's hand.

"It's my last chance to. I'll take as many seconds as I can get."

Sherlock breathes again. He shakes his head.

"We... We have to get out of here."

"Sherlock..."

John watches, as Sherlock paces along the narrow corridor, trying to get his thoughts in order.

"We have to get out of here, John. I have to figure this out."

"Sherlock... Sherlock!"

This time, John isn't as patient. He pulls Sherlock by the wrist, and kisses him again. Puts a hand on his cheek. Looks at him, sorrowful.

"It's over, okay? It's over. Let's just... Make use of the time we still have."

"But... If we get out of here, I... I could..."

"I know. I know what we could be. Could have been. But it's too late for that. Let's just... Take what we can, while we can."

He pulls him closer. Sherlock feels himself die in that moment, even if the walls haven't crushed them yet.

-----

Depression.

Sherlock falls into John's embrace, and the men are too close to pretend the other isn't crying. Their tears mix on their cheeks, and Sherlock feels John's leg trembling against his. He's scared.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry."

"Don't be."

"I am, John. For everything. For not getting us out, for bringing you here, for never saying anything earlier..."

"Don't apologize, it isn't like you."

He kisses his neck as he says this.

"And I love you."

Sherlock wants to cry so badly. But it isn't like him. And John loves him. He'll give John as much of what he loves as he can.

-----

Acceptance.

"There isn't enough time."

"Even for a quick one?"

The two men laugh at the whispered joke from Sherlock. The detective knows it's unlike him, but by God, is John's laugh addicting. And caving to addiction is very much like him. 

"Sherlock..."

Their bodies are pressed against each other now, and it's pleasant, not that they have a choice. Sherlock felt the breath John took to say the word against his own ribs.

"Get your hands off of me!"

"Well, it's not like there's ample room to move about, John."

"Sod off, you know what I meant."

Oh, he knows. But he won't die without feeling John's package, not when he has the option to do so. It's not so much that the context is conductive to that sort of mood, or even that this half-measure press over the jeans is anywhere close to what Sherlock really wants, really craves, but the little endorphins he gets from it help. You know, with acceptance. Of what's to come.

There's a moment of silence, as they gently kiss each other, as John ravages Sherlock's neck, as Sherlock tries not to be bitter, or think of what ifs. It's harder than it looks.

"John..."

He hasn't said that name enough in his life. He could've lived forever and still wouldn't have said it enough, really.

"Yes, Sherlock?"

There it is. There's little room to breathe now, let alone speak. Those are his last words, Sherlock knows it. Not that anyone is here to record them. Well, John has always been the only ear that's mattered, anyways. He'd be lost without his blogger.

The Great Sherlock Holmes, about to draw his final breath. A mind so incredible, few even believed in it. But John did. John always did, no matter what. What words will best undo his time on Earth, unravel all that he is and bring to it a satisfying conclusion? What would be enough to summarize him?

Sherlock takes a deep breath, for the last time.

"I love you, John."

So pathetically cliché.

"I know, Sherlock. I could read it in your eyes, in your every word and silence. In your everything. My everything. My amazing."

And how fitting, that the writer's last whisper is so much more eloquent than snotty Holmes could ever hope to be. So much more fulfilling. Sherlock sighs and holds him, and he hopes John knows that Sherlock could read it, as well. In every line of his blog. John's love for Sherlock was so engrossing, the world even fell for it, even started to love Sherlock as well. Every flutter of every heart, every smile on every face caused by Sherlock Holmes' great mind, really was caused by John Watson's greater heart. And Sherlock hopes John knows, no, knows John knows, because he's John, and John knows everything that matters, always has, even when Sherlock was blind.

And their bones start to crack. And it's starting to hurt.

And the detective hopes that his last thought is John's name, because nothing else in that brain of his matters now. Nothing else. That's the flaw of genius, it needs an audience.

The genius holds his audience captive, not with words, but loving arms.

And the soldier holds his allegiance back, with the strength and fervor of a fighter, and the tenderness and care of a healer.

And why would you want to read what happens next?

[guarddog-of-proendos]

Image descriptions

- written by a visually impaired person

What is an image description?

an image description is exactly what it sounds like, a block of text describing the content of an image. this is important for many people but especially for blind and visually impaired people who cannot see the image (at least, not well enough to understand what's going on)

(people also cite that this helps people with slow internet, if you add that to this post I am hitting you on the head with a stick. our access to the internet is enough of a reason to add image descriptions, they don't have to help abled people as well.)

image descriptions serve the purpose of providing the same access to content and context in a post that you, a sighted person, have. the goal is to allow equal access for visually disabled people and other people who struggle to access images.

have you ever been stuck scrolling through Tumblr while images are refusing to load? was that frustrating? imagine how we feel every day, all the time.

How to write an image description

writing an image description is a skill. it's okay if you aren't great at it at first. not being great at it is not an excuse to not try. I'm tired of people telling me they can't be assed to try writing an image description because it might not be perfect. I would much rather read an imperfect image description than have no image description at all.

when you're describing an image the key point is to describe what's relevant, what you look at in an image. if the image is a tweet, describe what the tweet says. if the image is a picrew of an alter, describe what that alter looks like in the picrew.

You don't need to include every detail

a lot of guides will, with well intentions, tell you to describe a lot. sometimes, describing a lot is relevant. if you're describing a piece of art or photography then describing a lot is important because the point of the photo is to appreciate all of the photo. if you're taking a selfie, I truly do not care that your walls are blank and white. sometimes, more detail is less accessible. I don't want to scroll through paragraphs up on paragraphs for a photo that sighted people can just glance at and get the gist of.

take for example, this post divider I just used:

you could describe this as: a post divider with a large star in the center surrounded by a halo of the moon phase in gold. 2 horizontal lines come from it in the center with a pattern of alternating sun, moon, sun, and star symbols.

... that's really long. the point for sighted people is to break up the text with something pretty. it's not to admire all the intricacies of the image.

a more appropriate description would be: a star themed post divider

text, on the other hand, should always be transcribed in full. do not describe your DNI banner as "a DNI banner" that tells me nothing. put down all the text, all of it, because all of the text is relevant.

never use AI to write an image description! it's insulting and often inaccurate. problems with generative AI aside, throwing an image into chatGPT and then copy and pasting the sludge it spits out makes me feel like I'm not worth taking a minute to actually write an image description. AI generated image descriptions tend to be impersonal, inaccurate, and hard to follow because it just throws up all the random details it picks up on rather than describing the point of the image. with the editing required to fix a chatGPT image description you could have written your own and it would be better.

I truly cannot write an image description

ask for help. if you have no one you can directly ask, add a note to your post asking for help writing the description when you post it. when someone writes a description for you, copy and paste it into the original post. there is no such thing as image description theft, the point is accessibility. you can't steal accessibility. copy and pasting is not just okay it's encouraged!

on other people's posts (regardless of whether or not you can write an image description) you can often find image descriptions in the notes. taking a minute to check for image descriptions before reblogging an undescribed post is something fast and kind you can do for the people who need image descriptions. often you'll find a description and then hurray! that inaccessible post is now accessible!

....but I don't have any followers who need image descriptions!

yes you do.

if you truly don't it's probably because none of them can access your blog. fix that and suddenly you will have followers who need image descriptions

why is this in the pluralgang tag? none of you describe images.

Questions are encouraged

(if you have any)

[immortalbutterflycos]

“The name, The Infirius… What does that mean, exactly?” James asks, lightheartedly, staying as quiet as he can as he breaks the silence between them. Or at least, whatever silence there ever is when surrounded by the constant crashing of waves all around them.

Regulus huffs a bitter, near-silent laugh followed by such a long silence that James is starting to get the idea that his question won’t be answered at all.

“It comes from an old legend.” Regulus finally murmurs, “An Infirius is essentially a reanimated corpse. They feel no pain. They can’t be cut by a blade, they’re fast, and they have incredible strength.” 

James frowns but doesn’t interrupt.

“Only there’s another part of that legend that everyone else chooses to ignore.” Regulus turns his head to meet his eyes and James sees something sad within them. Sad and sharp with anger.

“Inferi have no free will.” He whispers, “They can’t even think for themselves. They can’t feel, can’t breathe, can’t take their lives back. All they can do is follow the orders of their Master. If he says kill? You kill. If he says die? You die. Not even half of a life. Just a puppet on a string that can’t be cut.”

“Regulus, you are not a corpse,” James murmurs firmly with sincerity in his eyes; in the very line of his brow.

“You are alive. You have air in your lungs and fire in the depths of your eyes–I can see it. Yeah, just there...” He points to a spot in Regulus’ eye, his lips curling up into a small smile. “Your will is as free as you are desperate to take it back from those who stole it from you in the first place. Regulus Black, you are not an Inferius. You are a human being. Your will are your sheers. If you want something cut, pick them up and do it. It is your will. Not theirs.”

[batsplat]

Sepang 2006: After an exhausting race, Valentino Rossi brings a chair to the podium and sits down. Loris Capirossi joins him to sit on his lap.

[lorei-writes]

Live reading...

The element of mental warfare(?battle?) at the beginning of the fic is interesting to read -- Ava's narration gives us clues about her personality and the overall setting, while also building the atmosphere of "this is going to be tough. Two dominant people may clash". Ha! Nobunaga is in for a surprise, or at least at this point in the story, I as a reader am very inclined to believe so. They both have their own cards to play.

"On either side, some of the greatest men in history were lined up, all leading towards the dias where a lone figure sat imperiously above the rest." <- This is such a strong image. A beautiful sentence.

“Now the nickname of Tiny Terror makes sense.” <- HER NICKNAME IS TINY TERROR?! HAHAHAHAHA. YES. GET THEIR ASSES, LADY!

The following dialogue has a good flow; doesn't sound mechanic.

For the context, I haven't read the first two parts of the prologue. I do not know whether what happened to Ava has been explored there, but -- but -- even if somebody was to start from part 3, the way I do now, I believe they'd get really intrigued by their relationship. What a reunion!

"Sasuke gave me one of his signature small smiles. It was barely a twitch of his apparently weak facial muscles, but it was no less sweet than if he had a huge grin. " <- Vivid, very in-character for Sasuke. Again, it gives a very good impression about the type of a character he is -- and based off your other things I've read, you're good at that, you know? That consistency is very tempting to break at times, after all.

"It was honestly hard to believe that this was my life now. I mean it was a series of crazy and unbelievable events, yet it was all real. It was MY life…yet I had no idea that it was about to get even crazier." <- sweet warning, ohoho. This makes it feel almost like a diary log? It's also a solid ending line -- it draws my attention to the next chapter, while also closing this one completely.

Overall, there was a good amount of plot progression done here in this chapter. It may not be action-heavy, but my gosh, the tension is delicious, as is the release of it.

All's Fair In Love and War Prologue- Pt 3

Once we crossed the gates of Azuchi Castle. We were dismounting, our horses being taken by attendants to the stables. Ranmaru was smiling brightly at us. Servants were taking the things we had brought with us to the guest rooms we would be staying in while Ranmaru led us to the audience hall. Once we had reached the city gates, a messenger had already gone ahead to the castle so that Nobunaga and his inner circle could prepare to meet us right away.

I was smiling to myself as we made our way through the halls. I wouldn’t expect someone like Nobunaga to greet us at the gates. Though it would be customary since HE was the one asking ME for an alliance. Not to mention, it would be polite to allow weary travelers to freshen up a bit. Then again from what I remember of history, he bucked tradition in many ways and many times. Not to mention it was a good strategy.

He asked me for an alliance, but we meet on HIS terf and on HIS terms. Though that was fine with me. As far as I could tell, Ranmaru hadn’t been able to communicate that the new Lord Yamada was in fact a woman. That would naturally give me my own element of surprise in these negotiations as well. Two could play in this game. I hadn’t come as far as I had by not playing my cards right.

We were soon standing in front of a set of large ornate sliding doors. Azuchi Castle was definitely grand…and allowing me to see just how grand on my way here, smart move I had to say. An intimidation tactic. One that would work on a lesser warlord…but then again I do come from a world with technological marvels that would make these men’s heads spin. Though I did admire the technological feats that such grandeur is at this point in time…as well as appreciate the beauty of the craftsmanship of everything. There was something hollow about modern designs and recreations with their mass production.

“Alright, just through here.” Ranmaru said as he reached to open the doors.

Jiro, Sato, and I followed Ranmaru inside. The room was definitely beautiful. Of course, the beauty of the room wasn’t the only thing I had noticed. On either side, some of the greatest men in history were lined up, all leading towards the dias where a lone figure sat imperiously above the rest.

By descriptions, I could guess the men who sat in the room. Masamune Date was an easy one to figure out, as he had an eye patch, one of the reasons for his moniker of the One Eyed Dragon. He wore a smile on his face as his one blue eye took in me and my vassals.

I could also recognize the ones who must have been Hideyoshi Toyotomi and Mitsuhide Akechi as they were sitting to the right and left of the dias. Then there was a grumpy looking blond who must have been Ieyasu and a rather beautiful man who must have been Mitsunari.

By the time we reached the end of our walk, we were soon before the man himself, Nobunaga Oda. Ranmaru came into a bow before him. “My Lord, I have brought Lord Yamada as requested.” He announced before moving out of the way.

I stepped forward from my group, bowing politely, though not as low as Jiro and Sato did. “Lord Nobunaga, it is an honor to meet you.” I greeted him, my gaze meeting his carnelian eyes.

Nobunaga looked at me curiously, though he wore a smirk of amusement. “YOU are Lord Yamada?” He asked.

“I am.” I answered. “Lord Ava Yamada. Daughter of Riku Yamada and his wife, Kaede.”

“Now the nickname of Tiny Terror makes sense.” Masamune spoke with a chuckle from his place to the side.

“I had thought I recalled rumors that Riku had adopted a daughter.” Nobunaga said. 

“Indeed he did.” I replied. “Though I am no man, my father did train me well.”

“Clearly he has since you have suddenly taken so much territory after his death.” Nobunaga replied.

“The Ishihara thought eliminating my father would weaken the clan.” I replied. “I had to show them and their allies that they were wrong.”

“Wouldn’t taking the Ishihara out have sufficed if that was all you wished to accomplish?” The man to Nobunaga’s right spoke. He must have been Hideyoshi.

“One would think, but had I stopped there, the surrounding clans would have thought me weak and that I was just out for revenge.” I replied. “I had to make a show of force that I am no weakling. That I will not allow anyone to trample on my land or my people. I will not roll over and show my belly in the face of danger.”

“You are clearly a force to be reckoned with.” Nobunaga said. “Though having allies would be even more beneficial to you…strong allies at that.”

I smiled. “I am aware.” I replied. “And your goal of unification would be easier when someone with as much land as I have would agree to ally with you rather than battle over it. It would be a waste of resources to battle, even if you did win, it wouldn’t be without a great cost.” I knew my words were daring…and impudent, but I had to make sure that Nobunaga knew I wouldn’t just bow down to have strong allies. I had to make sure he respected me.

“How dare you speak to Lord Nobunaga that way…” Hideyoshi began to protest.

Nobunaga lifted his hand and waved Hideyoshi off dismissively. “Hideyoshi, enough.” He scolded before turning back to me. An amused smile graced his lips. “I admire your audacity. Coming into my castle and speaking to me so.”

“YOU invited ME.” I replied. “YOU are the one asking ME for this alliance.”

“This lass doesn’t pull her punches.” Masamune spoke from his place, leaning over to Mitsuhide. “I like her.”

“This is amusing, indeed.” Mitsuhide agreed.

“Very true.” Nobunaga replied. “And you accepted, which means you are considering the alliance.”

“One can never have too many allies.” I replied, wearing my own smug look.

“Does this mean you wish to discuss terms?” Nobunaga asked.

“If we can reach an agreement, I believe it would be acceptable.” I answered.

Nobunaga smiled. “Then let us discuss terms.”

We spent the next several hours hammering out the details of our alliance before signing and making it official. Right or wrong, I was now going to be making history with the Oda forces.

It was decided that we would stay in Azuchi for the next few days to rest up and that the next night we would have a banquet to celebrate the alliance. Masamune declared he would be fixing something special for the occasion, a gleam in his eyes. We were then given leave to head to our guest rooms to freshen up and rest up for the night.

After washing up and slipping into my night robes, I made myself comfortable in the room I had been given. It was a rather luxurious room and decorated with extravagance for certain. I was getting ready to settle in for the night when I heard a knock…but it was coming from my ceiling rather than my door.

I was reaching for my sword and holding it up in a defensive position as I stared up at the ceiling. “Whoever the hell you are, you had better get out of that ceiling right now.”

I watched as a single ceiling tile moved and then a man was soundlessly jumping from my ceiling. He was then looking up at me, a black mask over the lower half of his face and glasses on his eyes…modern glasses. He was holding his hands up in surrender. “I come in peace.”

I narrowed my eyes at him. There was something that seemed familiar about him. “Who are you?” I asked, still holding my sword defensively.

“It has been a long time…and I am sure it will help when I remove the mask.” He said. He was then slowly moving his hands, his eyes on me as he pulled his mask down. “After all this time, I was starting to think I was never going to find you, Ava. I was beginning to think the worst had happened.”

“Wait…Sasuke?” I asked, blinking in surprise, as I slowly lowered my sword.

He gave me a small smile. “I know I must look a lot different than when we last saw each other, considering we were still kids…and you have definitely changed.”

“I can’t believe it’s you.” I replied, smiling at him. It was hard to believe, but one of the few friends I had back in the modern day was Sasuke. We had gone to the same school since elementary school. He had been an odd kid…and well unfortunately odd can make you a target for other kids. I had been a troubled and angry kid…neither of us fit in with the others, but we had managed to stick together in school.

We were soon sitting down on some cushions in the room and sipping some tea I had quickly brewed. “We have a lot to catch up on.” I said.

Sasuke nodded. “After fifteen years, a lot has changed.” He agreed. 

“So…were you…were you looking for me?” I asked him.

Sasuke nodded. “Yes. I knew exactly what had happened when you disappeared that night on the school trip.” He explained. “You know my love of history and of the Sengoku especially…and of science.”

I nodded. “Yes, I remember you talking about all kinds of crazy things that…well they didn’t always make sense to me, but it didn’t annoy me when you talked.”

“Well, I had a theory even back then about wormholes opening up under the right conditions and being able to transport us back in time.” Sasuke explained. “And I knew that when I went to find you at the Hono-ji monument and…well the aftermath of how things looked…I knew one had to have shown up. It took me a long time to figure out the calculations and figure out what the exact conditions were, but I figured it out and managed to find one again…it was actually at Hono-ji once again.”

“Wow…so you’ve really been looking for me all this time?”

Sasuke nodded. “Yes…and furthering my research on wormholes and time travel at the same time.” He answered. “It’s been four years since I arrived. Which is nothing compared to your fifteen years here.”

“That’s still insane that you’ve been here this long…and you’re a ninja now?” I asked, gesturing to his attire.

“Just a useful skill I have picked up here.” Sasuke answered. “Though look at you…you’re a warlord.”

I felt my cheeks reddening a bit. “Well…things happen sometimes…”

Sasuke nodded. “Especially when you get adopted by a warlord.”

“So…you’ve done your research?” I asked.

“You could say my employer has.” Sasuke replied.

I could tell by the way Sasuke said that and averted his eyes…his “employer” must have been an enemy of the Oda forces, which would explain why he was sneaking around in the ceilings. Though I wouldn’t voice that thought. I don’t think it was needed. We both knew, but because of our friendship in the past…we couldn’t acknowledge we were on opposite sides of a conflict now.

“Lots of information nets around here.” I replied with a nod. “So, what are your plans? I mean now that you found me?”

“Well…originally I was going to see if you wanted to return home…to the future…” Sasuke began, “But I can already tell your answer would be no.”

“I have a life here…and people who are counting on me.” I replied. “I have a purpose here i never had back in our time.”

Sasuke gave me one of his signature small smiles. It was barely a twitch of his apparently weak facial muscles, but it was no less sweet than if he had a huge grin. “I am happy that you have found that. I will admit, when you disappeared and I thought about you being here…I was always worried, but it seems you found your way.”

I nodded. “I really have.” I said smiling at my friend. “And what about you? What are your plans for yourself?”

“I’ve made some friends and a life here myself…some people I truly care about.” Sasuke replied.

“So, you’re staying too?” I asked.

Sasuke nodded. “Yes. I hope you don’t mind me dropping by for chats and visits once in a while?” He asked.

“Of course, I don’t mind.” I answered. “You’ll have to come visit me in my home sometime when you have a chance and I’m back there.”

“I would like that.”

We chatted for a while longer before Sasuke was declaring a need to leave. He leapt back up into the ceiling and replaced the tile. It was as if he had never been there. I quickly cleaned up the tea before going to bed. What a truly eventful day I had. An alliance with Nobunaga Oda himself (not to mention meeting the man as well as the other great unifiers of Japan) and reuniting with my friend from the modern day.

It was honestly hard to believe that this was my life now. I mean it was a series of crazy and unbelievable events, yet it was all real. It was MY life…yet I had no idea that it was about to get even crazier.

[south-sea]

i think a lot of people don’t always realize the difference between “this is how i interpret canon” and “this is how i want to write it because that’s what’s fun to me”. a lot of times the latter is all headcanons or AUs are, not an indication of what the writer thinks “is” or “should be” canon

more power to those who are super tuned into actual canon and know these details like the back of their hand, but sometimes people just wanna use a series as a sandbox, not a ruleset. genuinely nothing but respect for people who ARE that knowledgeable, but i and a lot of other people are just here to have fun with characters we enjoy—and want to put them in more accessible settings

[angorwhosebabyisthis]

honestly it's been really healing being back to actively contributing things and writing out thoughts on tumblr the last week or so, because while twitter tends to be easier for me to write out Thoughts on without getting overwhelmed, the environment in the twitter fandom circles i'm interested in is not only infested with antis but cliqueish in a way that is caustic to the fucking soul if you try to express a thought that's more than three sentences long--a hundred times over if you're autistic in slightly the wrong way--and it's incredibly reassuring to come back to an environment where the very kindest and most inclusive people toward you are not clearly thinking the r-slur the entire time they interact with you lmao