#I have betrayed myself and done the one thing I swore I would never do. Draw him pretty.

[localcuttlefish]

Let it be known. This is the one and only time I will actively and purposely draw prettyboy AM without good reason or explanation.

Massive shout out to cainosis for inspiring one of the poses, go check out cain’s account for some sick art and useful resources! Behold them or else

[ceesimz]

We're All We Need Today

Hey, long time no story! I'm back with this, something I had the idea for a long time ago but it was low on my list of favourites. Then I re-jigged it and re-worked it and now it's done! Everybody's favourite trope, or mine at least, angst to fluff!

It should have been just a normal Tuesday. A normal evening on a random day mid-week in May. Training for you both that ended just after lunchtime, before meeting up at Alexia's apartment early evening after the pair of you attended meetings or completed other pieces of work. That all went smoothly, it was perfectly fine.

Alexia shouldn't have looked at your phone without your permission though. She shouldn't have looked at your messages in the first place, nevermind doing it behind your back.

"I cannot believe you told your friends and did not tell me first!" Alexia shouted at you as soon as you walked out of the bathroom, your phone opened onto your friend groupchat in her hand.

"What? Alexia, what are you doing? Are you looking through my phone?" You cried out, marching over to snatch it back, but she holds it in the air out of your reach like a high school bully. "What the hell do you think you're doing!?"

"You told your friends without conferring with me first. You went behind my back and you know I didn't want anyone knowing!"

"You've gone behind my back too, looking through my phone! Why did you do that?" You jumped and grabbed your phone, confirming exactly what you thought.

She had gone through your phone whilst you were out the room, had clicked onto a chat with your closest friends who you trusted more than almost everyone in your life, and she had read just one message that said 'What does your weekend look like in sunny Barcelona? Any plans with A?'

"No, no. You aren't flipping this around. You swore to me-" She jabbed her finger harshly against your chest as she spoke. "-that you would not tell anyone until I said you could."

Is she for real right now? Who are you even talking to?

This is not the woman you fell in love with almost seven months ago. This is not the woman who used her captaincy as an excuse to get your number. This is not the woman who asked to be your girlfriend in such a shy and awkward manner as she stumbled over her words whilst eating dinner with you on her sofa. This definitely isn't the woman who cares for you how no one else has, nor is this the woman who loves you infinitely and shows it in ways you never could have thought possible.

This is a selfish, egotistical, self-centred, and downright cold-hearted person you do not recognise. The version of Alexia in front of you here is one you thought you'd never, ever encounter. Yet, look at the situation now.

"So, what, I have to run everything by you? I can't tell my closest friends possibly the biggest detail in my life? I can't tell them I'm in love and happier than ever?"

"No. Not now. We promised we wouldn't tell anyone, and you have betrayed me." Alexia huffed angrily, her hands on her hips as she turned away from you.

"I wanted to share this part of my li- you, with them! And, Ale, you've told Alba and Eli, why can't I tell my friends?" You moved to stand in front of her so you're facing her again, and she fixed you a disapproving glare with a jut to her jaw.

"Friends are different to family - I've never met these people! What are their intentions? I don't know, and I don't want them knowing private facts about me. That is why I'm mad." Alexia gritted her teeth as she spoke, fury swimming through her veins as her hands gripped her own hips so tightly you were sure there'd be bruises the next time she looked.

"What are you even saying? Do you hear yourself right now?" You scoffed, your anger almost tripling when the woman in front of you chuckled.

"Trust me, I hear myself. I also hear you denying everything, denying the fact you've outed our relationship, denying the fact you've broke my trust. Betrayed the one thing I asked you to promise not to do. Maybe you're the one who needs their ears checking, remember when I said 'let's wait some time to tell people.' Maybe you misheard me and thought I said 'how about we tell every fucking person in the city?' So yes, I hear myself. Very clearly, you don't have to worry about that."

You stared, glared, at her for a few moments, gobsmacked at the turn of events whilst also trying not to burst into tears. This is a situation you never thought would occur between you both, and the vile way she spoke to you paired with her foul accusations had you slipping on your shoes and leaving her apartment. And, possibly the worst part of it all? She didn't even try to stop you.

Why was it always about her, about what she wants, always on her terms?

What about your opinion? She didn't care to hear you out, and it sounds like she doesn't give two flying fucks what you've got to say. Alexia Putellas and her dense head coming into play again, only caring about herself and her legacy and what people say about her. You'd think that as someone who, to the public, seems so very secure and content in her position as the best women's player still in the game, that she wouldn't be so worrisome and out-right vile if there was a chance something wasn't going her way.

No, she wasn't like that with you at least, not at all. You hadn't been together long, but the secrecy and, what you inferred now as shame, seeped into your mind and with each step as you walked home that day, you grew more and more, not only utterly infuriated, but overwhelmingly perturbed at the prospect of just... everything.

Perhaps your whole relationship had merely been a fluke. Something Alexia didn't take serious in the slightest, and nowhere near serious enough for you to tell people about it. Maybe, at the end of the day, you were too much for her to deal with, and the only way the Catalan could cope was by keeping you behind closed doors. The theories your mind was coming up made you sick to the pit of your stomach, and it was a miracle that you made it to the bathroom of your apartment by the time you were emptying the contents of your body.

There was some kind of higher power watching over you, because this whole fiasco had occurred when there were two days off afterwards. It was coming up to the tail end of the season, and as the latter half of the month was jam-packed with tense games, you had planned to make the most of the time off. With a few social events scattered across the two days, you had been greatly looking forward to spending time with your teammates outside of the pitch, your friends, and at the time most importantly, Alexia. That all didn't seem enticing anymore, nor did it even seem possible.

For the time being though, as you stumbled your way out of the bathroom and fell into bed, the breakfast catch-ups and evening dinners were the last things on your mind. The only way you wanted to spend your time off, was wallowing in a trench of self-pity.

And that's how you found yourself in the gym of your apartment complex some fourty hours later.

Jab, jab, hook. Jab, jab, hook. Right hook, then a left uppercut, and another right hook to follow.

Punch after punch after punch after punch. There was no stopping you in this mindset. Not with the things your head was chanting, Alexia's words circling endlessly around your mind. They were what fuelled you right now, allowing you to lay into the punching bag before you with no second thought to the consequences.

And those consequences were sure to bring you a lot of pain later, in your hands that weren't wrapped up like they should, nevermind wearing gloves.

There was music playing through the earphones you had in, but for the life of you, you couldn't even register it right now. Your vision was blurred by pure rage, failing to recognise the cuts forming with every unrestrained punch and the bruises beginning to form along the bumps of each knuckle. You had tunnel vision on one thing and one thing only, and that was trying to dispel yourself of the all-consuming anger that had plagued you for almost two days now.

"Amiga! Basta, basta, hey." A soft voice broke through your trance as your earphones were delicately tugged from your ears. "Hey, you hear me?"

As your hands were gently taken ahold of by the figure to your right, you took a deep breath and leaned forward to rest your forehead against the bag. It was now that the woman beside you realised just how poor your breathing was, and she brought one of her hands to rub caringly up and down your back.

"Más despacio, relájate. Tómatelo con calma, vale? Relájate." Her voice soothed you a little, giving you the peace of mind you needed to set your breathing back to normal. "Are you with me?"

At that, you nod and take some more breaths before leaning up and taking in the person beside you. It was Mariona, who you shared the same apartment complex with, a fact you had forgotten about. In this moment, you weren't sure if you were thankful for that fact or if you resented it.

"Yes, with you." You wiped your face on the sleeve of your shirt before properly looking at her.

"Are you okay?" Mariona knew it probably wasn't the wisest thing to say, but for the moment as she collected her thoughts and did an internal assessment of the situation, it was more of a buffer than anything.

"Um, I guess there's no point lying, is there." You state flatly, the Spaniard smiling sadly at you and shaking her head. "Things aren't great... right now, so."

"Okay. That's okay." Mariona's smile was perhaps the brightest thing you'd seen, and with her looking at you the way she was, with so much care and a major lack of judgement, it was hard to reject the help she was soon to offer.

"Will you let me take care of you? I have a first aid kit in my apartment that I can use for these." She gestured down to your bruised and battered hands that were growing more painful by the second. "We can talk if you want, or you can at least let me patch you up and I can call somebody else. It's up to you."

You thought you knew what you wanted, and it wasn't this, but now that the offer is glaringly right in your face, your inner monologue urged you to fall to your knees and beg for assistance, for someone to scoop up all the negativity in your mind and lift the weight of it from your shoulders.

Isolating yourself from everyone, as you had done in the last days, wasn't healthy in the slightest, and rationally you knew the excuses you gave for doing so were completely unwarranted. Yes, you were the newest signing, and yes, Alexia was the captain and the glue of the team. However, that did not lessen your worth, you still deserved your spot on the team and you deserved to be treated with humanity. As Mariona had shown in the span of a few moments, your teammates wouldn't pick sides depending on how long you had and hadn't known people, and they certainly wouldn't treat you any less just because you had fallen out with - foregoing her team title - your girlfriend.

You were only human after all.

"I would appreciate that, thank you, Mariona."

Once more, the forward smiled politely at you and nodded, moving to wait at the door to the gym to wait for you as you collected up your things. Each movement of your hands had you grimacing in discomfort, a fact not lost on Mariona as she took the items, like your water bottle and your jumper, from you just to take the edge off a little.

You weren't too close with Mariona, you had gravitated towards the likes of Ingrid and Fridolina and Aitana when you joined (and Alexia, of course), but at the end of the day she was still your teammate and you often found yourself in a group with her in training since you were also a forward. The 28 year old was a hard-worker, yet she was also one of the most laid-back people you'd ever met, so in her presence it was hard not to allow yourself to relax even just a tiny bit. The aura that radiated off of her was oddly settling, and as you both made your way up to her apartment in relative silence, you were offered your first slice of serenity since that day not too long ago.

"Would you like a shower first? You look like you worked yourself hard in there." Mariona offered as she closed the door of her apartment behind you.

"No, it's okay, thanks." You gave her an awkward, tight-lipped smile, feeling somewhat embarrassed at having been caught in such a vulnerable moment - a moment when you were filled with such rage and negativity, that all you could do was lay into a harmless object like a woman possessed.

"Alright. Sit down at the counter, I will get all I need and be with you in a second."

With a sheepish nod, you complied and sat at the island counter in the kitchen, taking a moment to compose yourself before you knew an emotionally charged conversation was about to take place. You were tempted to take Mariona up on her offer to call somebody else, but honestly you were already exhausted and just wanted to get this whole situation off of your chest.

You'd been lugging it around for days now, encumbered by the weight of anger that, as time went on, was bleeding into exasperation and disconcertion because, in all honesty, you just wanted your girlfriend back. That was a little difficult though, because the woman in question was still being as cold as ever and for the life of you, you couldn't get a good read on her to figure out what her stand was on it all now. Whether she'd confided in Mapi or Irene or her sister or even Mariona, you had no idea, you just hoped there was still an ounce of her that cared for you in just a sliver of the way you did for her.

Though you hadn't seen or heard from her since that evening, her actions and her words were still fresh on your mind, and no matter how much time you spent mentally going through each doing of hers, it all made zero sense. In no way shape or form had Alexia portrayed such viciousness towards you, nor had she ever been so horrible and completely unfair in the time you had known her. Maybe it was a case of only knowing her for a short-ish amount of time, but her behaviour seemed so out of character that it set a feeling of uneasiness in your chest.

Hopefully, bumping into Mariona, someone who had been good friends with Alexia for a long time, would give you some insight into why the Barcelona captain had acted in such ways.

"Here we go. I'm sorry if I hurt you, but it is unfortunately a necessary evil in this case." Mariona purses her lips forgivingly as she pulls out two alcohol wipes that already have you wincing at the thought. "Are you ready?"

"Yep, just get it done with. Please."

You hold your breath as she rips open one of the packets, then you watch on as she takes hold of your left hand first and lightly runs it over and in between each knuckle. It hurts a hell of a lot, sure it does, but with the tenderness that the Spaniard treats you with, all you can focus on is trying not to burst into tears at the kindness you're faced with. Your mind has been anything but towards you, and the last proper human interaction you had that had been longer than a few brief minutes was your intense argument with Alexia. So this moment here was overwhelming, in many more ways than one.

"That's one done, your right hand looks a bit worse. Am I okay to carry on?"

Honestly, why couldn't you have fallen for someone like Mariona, instead of the ignorant, hot-headed woman you were in love with?

"Yeah, it's fine."

The silence between you both is weirdly not unsettling or awkward at all, instead it's relatively comforting and for the first time in days, your skin isn't crawling at the fact you're left alone with nothing but the sound of your endless cycle of thoughts.

The Spaniard standing beside you was correct, your right hand was indeed slightly worse off than your left, and that was only made more clear with each brush of the wipe, clearing away the blood only to show cuts in the divots of your knuckles and bruises covering the entirety of the right end of your hand.

"You have a good punch on you, ever thought about boxing instead of football?" Mariona joked, trying to uplift the heavy atmosphere in the room.

"No, wouldn't want to mess up this face." You replied, the forward laughing quietly and nodding.

"You are right, and football is much more easy to watch."

You supplied her with an agreeing smile, trying to hide your discomfort as she moved your hands around to assess the damage and make a plan of action.

"Okay, I think I will apply some antiseptic cream for your cuts and wrap them up with bandages. Then I will give you an ice pack for each hand, does that sound alright?"

"That's perfect, Mariona, thank you." You smile gratefully at her, and thought it's not a genuine smile, you hope she understands the appreciation you hold for her.

"It is not a problem. We look after each other at Barça, sabes? Anything you need, please do not be afraid of reaching out. To any of us."

And there is her segue into striking up the conversation you'd both danced around since she saw you.

You had to give it to her, she let a few moments pass by so it could come across as a bit less obvious, but nevertheless it happened just as you had expected.

"Are you comfortable talking to me about what happened in the gym?" She took note of the hesitation you greeted that question with, so she put the tube of cream down and faced you fully. "That was a bit concerning to walk in on, and I wouldn't be at peace with myself if I let you out of here without checking in on you."

"I... I guess, yeah." You sighed.

"Thank you. How would you like to start?" Mariona wondered with her ever-present smile, pairing it with a nonchalant shrug, further evidence of her care-free nature that continued to draw you in. "You can start talking about what is on your mind, or I can ask some leading questions to help. I am fine with anything, I just want you to leave here feeling a bit better."

Mariona had asked you a few moments ago if you had ever thought about boxing. Now, you wanted to ask her if she'd ever considered being a psychologist.

"I think it would help if you asked some questions, maybe." You decided, and she nodded instantly. She grabbed the tube of cream again and started applying it at the same time she uttered her first query.

"Do you normally practice on the bag without gloves on?" It was a very light one to start off with, perhaps something to be grateful for, but despite feeling a little calmer now, your mind was still in turmoil and wasn't fully recovered yet.

"No, I always wrap them up. I didn't even plan on using the bag today, it just... I was on the treadmill and then I saw it and wanted to use it. I wasn't really thinking straight, so. Yeah. This is the result of that." You took a sharp breath as the forward smoothed over a particularly bad cut with the antiseptic.

"Mhm. And, forgive me for this one, was it your intention to hurt yourself?"

That one took your breath a little.

"No, no, not at all. It wasn't even a thought in my head, I swear, I only wanted to get my anger out." You responded hastily, trying to convince her that you were relatively okay and that this was just a blip, and you didn't need some kind of intervention.

"Okay, thank you for being honest. I'm very glad to hear that, and I'll take your word for it." After finishing with your current hand, she squeezes it comfortingly and moves onto your other one. "Are you willing to tell me what's wrong? Why you needed to get some anger out?"

"Yeah... yeah, I am. I have to give you some context though, and I'd be really grateful if you kept it between us."

Mariona wasn't a gossip by any sorts, but as a result of the months of Alexia's words drilling into you of how nobody can know about you both, it was still an anxiety you had. Yet, the woman looking after you in such a heart-warming way was quite possibly the good samaritan you needed right now, her acts of kindness a reminder to not lose all hope with the world around you. You were well within your right to freak out in the way you had - not only were you in an entirely new city, learning a language you hadn't paid any mind to since school, but rather naively you had probably depended on Alexia more than you should have.

It was a lesson to be learnt, a mistake you wouldn't make again, though in the future even if you didn't recognise it yet, you'd look back on your time so far and wouldn't even regret it that much. After all, every moment of the past ten months had led you to the love of your life, and nothing was ever completely perfect. You would take a few bumps in the road if it meant you could end the season with a few medals around your neck and the greatest woman you'd ever met on your arm. Sure, you might not think the greatest of her right now, but you would mend it. You were sure you would. Hopefully.

"Of course, I won't tell a soul. You can tell me anything and no one will ever hear a word of it." Mariona reasurred you and though you hadn't really doubted her in the first place, you were still beyond grateful to hear that.

"So, um... Alexia and I have been in a relationship for a few months."

Yet again, Mariona continued to surprise you with how marvelous she was. Or maybe it was just an after effect of how much Alexia's words had got to you, because when the islander simply raised her eyebrows for a millisecond before nodding as you revealed your news, you're shocked at how much of a low-key reaction she gave. Whether she had an incredible poker-face or she just didn't care half as much as Alexia thought people would, your body sagged in relief at that minute response. As far as human beings go, this one right here wasn't too bad at all.

"And, for reasons I still don't understand, she was adamant that we keep it a secret. Like it was some kind of war tactic we had to keep safe. She made it out to be a make or break situation for us. But she told Eli and Alba less than a week after we made it all official, which I didn't think much of. I talked to her about it back then, wondering if it was just something she wanted to keep quiet while we were only in the dating stage, but she told me I still couldn't tell anyone. I guess because I was still relatively new here, with not many close friends and still with the mindset of trying to earn my place in the team, I agreed. Then as time went on I got a bit... annoyed with what Alexia wanted, but whenever I brought it up with her she would immediately shut the conversation down. I figured I could do it slyly, without telling her and without telling anyone any kind of intricate details of our relationship. So I took matters into my own hands."

You sighed and pinched the bridge of your nose at this point, knowing it was here in the story where things got quite rocky. Mariona had finished applying the antiseptic at this point and was now getting the bandages ready, prepped with the medi-tape beside her to secure her wrapping. With each new fact you unveiled, she nodded along in understanding, completely on the same page with you. She didn't understand the actions of her friend as of yet, wondering why on earth she'd be so intensely secretive about her relationship to the point of not telling a single soul, but those were thoughts she wouldn't voice yet.

Mariona herself was in a private relationship, and she was happier than ever in it. However, it wasn't a secret. Sure, she wasn't posting photos of herself and Lia all over her social media, but if you looked close enough the facts were clearly there. Plus, pretty much everyone in her personal life and Lia's knew about the pair of them, and nobody was fussed. So why Alexia was acting in this way, she didn't have a single idea.

"I told my closest, most trusted friends that I was in a relationship, and that the name of the person I was with began with 'A'. That was genuinely all I gave. I warned them not to nag me with guesses of who it was as that would break my own personal rules, because after all I didn't want to go behind Alexia's back more than I already had. Then... Alexia went through my phone. She saw that my friends were making plans in the group chat back home, and then they wondered if I had plans with 'A' over the weekend."

"She went through your phone?" Mariona questioned, in disbelief at the invasion of privacy you'd experienced.

"Yes, she did. The text flashed up on my lock screen while I went to the bathroom, and then she just went on my phone and looked through my messages. I don't know how in depth she went, but..." You shrugged, averting your gaze to your aching hands, ultimately defeated by now; by Alexia and her stubbornness, by your own mind, and lastly by the fact you had been so suddenly caught out by one of your teammates.

It was at this point that the numbness dispelled and gave way for shame, embarrassment, and a bit of anxiety. After all, you didn't know anyone from the team in depth, you were still just getting to know them, and the first thing you had done when you arrived was dive head first into a relationship with their captain. There was an endless possibility to the vast amount of opinions each person could hold for you and how they felt about your relationship (even though there was almost no way at all they could know about it), and as the silent seconds ticked by, it started eating away at you.

Though, somehow, in some magical, god-given miraculous way, Mariona saw right through you. And from now on, you were to make it your life mission to give back to this messiah in the form of an attacking footballer from the Balearic Islands of Spain.

"Hey." She tapped on the counter in front of you to get your attention, achieving that when you look up at her. "You don't have to... to get defensive with me. I can bet what you're thinking, and you don't have to worry about all those thoughts. I am neutral here, helping a friend. I will not go and tell Alexia or anyone about this, not if you don't want me to. And trust me, I am on your side. I have never heard of her acting like this, I am shocked and slightly outraged too."

That was undeniably relieving to hear, for a number of reasons. But for the most part, you were glad to hear that because for the past few days your mind had been trying its damn hardest to manipulate you into thinking this whole commotion was your fault, that you were the fault-line in the relationship that had caused this rickety earthquake.

No, that was no longer a worry, because here was possibly the human example of sunshine saying she shared your view and was just as displeased as you when it came to the Catalan's behaviour. Now, knowing you had at least one person on your side, this obstacle felt a little easier to climb over.

"I do have one thing I'm wondering." After a curious hum from you, she explained. "Is there anything you would like me to do in this situation? Like, bring it up with Ale? Because for both of your sakes, I want this to be solved in the easiest way possible."

Was it a good idea, judging off of Alexia's already toxic reaction to the point where she refused to hear you out? Most likely, but, not only did you think Mariona could teach her a thing or two when it came to human interactions, there was a small (actually fairly large) part of you that wanted to fight back against Alexia's unfairness by showing her you simply were not one to be trampled on.

There were two people in this relationship, and in this moment you realised that rank, longevity, and status in a football team were measly things to worry about.

"I think that would be a good way to start. Having someone knock some sense into her." You answered, quietly delighted when Mariona laughed momentarily at your words.

"I will try to do exactly that, for you. Promise." For the millionth time that evening, you found yourself completely under the influence of that goddamn smile.

"You're very good at communication. Unnervingly good." The hearty laugh you got in response forced the first genuine smile out of you all evening.

"Well, when you have a very emotionally intelligent girlfriend, you have to keep up."

"If you could give Alexia some lessons, I would appreciate that a lot."

"I will talk to her. Don't worry."

You left Mariona's apartment not too long after, both hands wrapped precariously and feeling significantly better than you did during that gym incident, finding solace in the fact there was now a fairly solid plan of action.

The only thing you could do now, was wait.

That was harder said than done, because for the rest of that day you didn't hear from Mariona at all. Nor did you hear from her before training the day after, and for the first time since you arrived, you were wracked with nerves as you walked into the building.

Not once during the whole session did Alexia glance towards you. Not once did she even acknowledge your existence. It drove you crazy, her acting as if you were invisible. As if she couldn't get anymore fucking immature. It took a lot of self control to not act like a petulant child towards her, desperate to piss her off in a quarter of the way she had to you, but you were better than that.

So when she rocked up outside your apartment later that day, with freshly dyed blonde hair that was styled in a frustratingly attractive way, a bouquet of chrysanthemums in one hand and a takeaway bag in the other, it took all of your strength to not slam the door in her stupidly hot face.

"What are you doing here?" You asked flatly, followed by a sigh that clearly indicated she was the last person on earth you wanted to see right now.

Well, with that haircut, maybe not the last person...

"I have a lot of explaining to do, I know that. And a lot of grovelling too. I was hoping you didn't hate me that badly to let me in." Alexia smiled sadly down at you, a slight shrug to her shoulders when she speaks.

Your mind goes back and forth for a few moments, briefly running through pros and cons of letting her in, before you decide fuck it, worst comes to worst you can show off your new boxing skills.

Eyebrows raised, you walk away from the door back towards your sofa, leaving her to wonder what to do for a moment. Ultimately, she decides to slowly follow after you once she'd softly closed the door. A quick glance around your apartment tells her you hadn't eaten yet, and she takes that as a small win before heading towards where you were seated.

"I brought your favourite takeout. Would you like to me dish it up?" She asks, a little disheartened when you shake your head.

"If you came here to talk, we're gonna talk." You state firmly, waiting expectantly for her to come sit with you.

She should have expected this really, knowing how royally she'd screwed it up with you and how disgusting she had acted. But hearing you speak so sternly was a bit unnerving, even if Alexia did recognise she more than deserved it.

A second later, she nods and places her items down on your dining table before making her way over to you. Rightfully so, she leaves some space between you both when she sits down, and you have to stifle a laugh as to not ruin your façade with how on edge she looks.

"Uh, so, me first, or..." Staying silent, you raised a daring eyebrow at her, thoroughly enjoying putting her through this slight torture. "Sí, okay, me first."

Anxiously, she wipes her clammy palms on her thighs. Then she cleared her throat, glancing at you periodically before taking a deep breath and starting her explanation.

"I am well, well aware of how bad I have acted towards you. I want to make that clear first. I acted like an idiot, to the worst degree. I was selfish, rude, I invaded your privacy, and I completely fucked it all up."

Hm, not too bad of a start.

"Congratulations, you took responsibility!" You responded sarcastically, fighting the urge to give her a round of applause too. Then you're fighting off a bubble of laughter at the nervous chuckle she gives before speaking again.

"I will regret my actions until the day I die. I promise you, I will never behave like that ever again. I've never been more ashamed of myself in my life, and knowing it's you who I acted like that towards makes it a hundred times worth. Because, you..." She shakes her head and waves her hands in the air like she's speechless. "You're you. You're the most selfless person I know. Your heart is something I do not deserve to have, because of how pure and kind and beautiful it is. You are so caring, and you love with every fibre of your being. Not only that, but you're so open, and I really admire that, because that is something I'm not. I'm... I'm ashamed to admit that even now I'm still anxious, and being secretive is how I've lived all my life. I want to be more open and care-free, I really do, it's just... hard for me."

With each word, each compliment, and each reason she gives, your hardened exterior towards her is slowly getting chipped away. You're not a grudge holder, it's not in your nature. And no matter how much you tried to fight it, it was inexplicably hard to not get wrapped up in her.

"Mariona... Mariona said you didn't even tell your friends it was me you were with. She said you only told them my name began with A, and that was it."

Alexia trusted Mariona of course, that was something that naturally occurred having known her for so long, but she wanted to get confirmation from you.

"I did. They don't know it's you I'm with." You told her, and if it was somehow possible, Alexia's heart shattered just that bit more.

"Well, I'm sorry, amor. I'm sorry for jumping to conclusions, it was really stupid and unfair of me. I really appreciate that you didn't break my trust, like I thought you had. I... that just shows how little I valued you. And I swear, that's something you'll never have to doubt again. I value you more than anyone in my life. I have a reason for why I was... more than reluctant to tell people about us. But I don't know if you want to hear it. I don't want you to think it's some flimsy excuse."

"Well, I mean, you may as well say it now." You scoffed, watching as she gulped nervously before nodding.

"My last relationship... with Jenni. That's why I'm so worried about telling people. Because even now, years after we ended our relationship that I would never ever want to go back to, people still talk about us, comment on our posts, make edits of us, and freak out about every little fucking interaction between us. It drives me crazy, even now, when I know I should not let it get under my skin, but it does and I can't stop it."

She shrugs dismissively as she talks, eyes cast down on her hands as she fidgets with the rings on her fingers. It's clearly a topic for her that's hard to discuss, and you want to reach out and take hold of one of her hands, but you don't want to distract her.

"When I was with Jenni, I was nowhere near as 'famous' as I am now. Now, I get the most vile and intrusive articles written about me, there are always cameras on me, paparazzi trying to figure out where I am at all times, and it really worries me because I don't want to involve you in that. If the media started writing things about you that were even just half as nasty as the things they've said about me, I would never be able to live with myself. It would eat me up, amor, I don't want you to go through that."

Okay, out of all the overthinking you've done in the last three days, your mind had not mustered up this point of view. This was undeniably sweet, a stark contrast to the way she'd treated you during the argument. You'd been with Alexia long enough to be more than familiar with how she acted on her anxieties in rather unhealthy ways for herself with harmful consequences for those around her as a result. Most likely, you realised, her recent behaviour was a demonstration of that very fact.

"And though those reasons shouldn't excuse my behaviour, because I should never have acted like that, I hope it gives you a tiny bit of insight into my head and allows you to recognise my actions came from a place of love, not malice. I showed it in completely the wrong way, but I swear to you from this moment on I will treat you better than I ever have, if you let me live up to that promise."

A shaky breath leaves the woman beside you, signifying the end of her ramble. And, to be honest, you'd forgiven her long before she finished speaking.

"Thank you for opening up to me. I forgive you, I do, but I won't forget how you treated me. If you ever show even a hint of that behaviour ever again, I'm out, Alexia, you must know that." You give her a clear warning, despite the fact your heart is crying out for you to just jump right back into her arms.

"I do know, I absolutely do know that." She seems to make the leap for you, as she shuffles along the sofa and gently takes ahold of both your hands. Your wounded hands. "Amor, what... what happened?"

Her voice is filled with concern, immediately overcome with nausea as a result of the worry she feels at the sight. However, that's nothing compared to the guilt she feels when you tell her what happened.

"Oh, um... an unfortunate run in with a punching bag not too long after our argument." You reveal sheepishly.

Alexia's heart drops. It drops from her chest, to the ground, through the core of the earth, and all the way down to China.

"This... this is because of me?" She whispers the question like she's terrified to utter the words. She's even more terrified of the answer.

"I guess. Yeah. I had to get my anger out some way, and I'm sure you're glad it wasn't your face." You try to joke, but it lands flatter than a pancake.

"Amor, I..." She can't find the right words within her to even attempt to apologise.

The great thing about mental health, was that 99% of the time you couldn't see it. That meant Alexia couldn't see the psychological damage she had caused you with her words.

But this, this was concrete evidence of just how much her treatment had affected you. She had done so much damage to your self-esteem, that you had no choice but to lash out to the point of injury. That, she feared, she would never get over.

"I guess Mariona failed to mention this part to you." Another pitiful attempt to lift the mood.

"She took care of you?" Alexia asked tentatively, the tiniest bit relieved when you nod.

In a split second, her arms were wound tightly around you as she tugged you into her lap. A rush of Catalan spilled from her, of which you gathered were words of apologies and sweet nothings to convey her intense regret. You didn't catch a word, not too familiar with the language despite playing for the pride of Catalunya, but you got the gist quite quickly and it didn't take you a moment longer before your arms were wrapped around her neck.

You were flooded with relief now that you were back in her hold, the embrace finally silencing the relentless voice in your head that had been going non-stop for days now. There were tears dripping onto your neck though, something that has you furrowing your brow and urging her to lift her head up.

"Ale, what's this for?" You asked, delicately wiping some of the tears that were overflowing.

"I just... I fucked it up so bad. So bad. Dios mío, you've ended up hurting yourself because of it. I'm just so sorry. I'm so so sorry."

Alexia falls apart then, breaking out into sobs that, though it's a rather a harsh thing to admit (not that you ever would, verbally) really exemplify her guilt and regret, and tie off her apology. You hate seeing her cry, hate seeing her so ruined, but all you can do now is hug her just as tight back and hope your words provide her some comfort.

"I forgive you, Ale, I do. My hands aren't your fault, it's a result of me not being sensible when letting my anger out. It's not your fault, mi corazón, not your fault at all."

You carry on spewing words of comfort for her until her cries finally subside a few minutes later. How she rubs at her eyes is something you find adorable, the way she does so reminding you of a young child. Your own hands follow her calloused ones, treating her with the same care she had complimented you on not so long ago. It warms her heart to no end, and it offers her a little reassurance of the fact you don't hate her guts.

"It's my fault a little bit." She mumbles, and there's a speckle of humour in it that you're not hesitant to jump on.

"Maybe a tiny bit." You whisper scandalously, smiling at the tearful laugh she lets out. "But I don't resent you for it. If I did, we wouldn't be in this position right now, okay?"

"Whatever you say, amor." Alexia nods, a semi-genuine smile on her face as she leans forward to rest her forehead on your shoulder.

"There's one thing I need from you for us to move past this." You state seriously a few quiet moments after.

She lifts her head up and nods vigorously, prepared to do just about anything you asked for if it meant she could love you for the rest of her life.

"I want to be able to tell people that are important to us. My family, my friends. Your family and friends. Our teammates. I'm not asking for us to go public on social media, I'm not asking for anything like that. I just want us to be more open. I want to be able to walk around Barcelona with you, like we did together when we started out dating. Because those moments with you, where you showed me your favourite restaurants and cafes and places special to you, they're some of my favourite memories with you. I just long for us to have a normal relationship, not one kept in the safety of our apartments behind closed doors. Because it's embarrassing and... and soul destroying being treated like I'm invisible. Just... treat me like a human fucking being in training, please? In public?"

It felt rather humiliating to be begging for such normal things, but that was the exact word you would use to describe this whole thing for you. Humiliating. To be treated like you had by, arguably, the sole person who shouldn't treat you like that, was something you never wished to experience again. Because, if you did? Well, there was simply no coming back.

But, you supposed, being in love was all about taking chances on people and relationships couldn't be built without a steady foundation of trust. That's all you could do now; trust in Alexia to nurture your heart like a delicate blossom where she cherishes every petal with gentle devotion.

"I will. Mi amor, I will do that and more. I will do anything you want me to, I promise that I will change my bad habits so that you never have to suffer at my hands again. I will love you like it's the last thing I'll do. You could never be invisible to me, you never were. From the first time I saw you, in your two-sizes-too-big Barça jumper on your first day, you've been everything but invisible to me."

Finally, the nail in the coffin to this whole ridiculous thing. And man, were you glad to see the back of it.

"As long as you don't embarrass me by one-upping me with your flawless free-kicks."

Despite the push to the shoulder you give her, you giggle and pull her back in for another hug. You'd been deprived of her embrace for far too long, and you planned to make up for it.

"I can't make any promises, unfortunately." You teased, grinning into the skin of her neck as her hands splayed out over your back, rubbing up and down comfortingly.

"I think I will take that." Alexia murmured, hugging you just that bit tighter before she leaned back. She moved her hands from your back to softly cradling your face, her eyes jumping from each feature to feature, trying to commit her favourite art piece in the world to her memory. Then, she met your gaze, and the sincerity and earnest present there was breathtaking. "We'll be okay?"

It was asked in such a vulnerable tone, you couldn't help but smile down at her.

"We'll be okay, Ale."

Going into training the next day, there was a spring in your step. Alexia had stayed over at yours the previous night, near enough refusing to leave. That meant she was wearing the same trousers as the day before along with one of your sweaters that, to your amusement, was evidently slightly too small for her as the cuffs ended just shy of her wrists. Call it your revenge perhaps, but as you both arrived at training together, chatting freely with content smiles on your face, it felt like a new leaf had been turned.

Alexia had made many mistakes with you, that she knew. She also knew she had no more chances, so she was going to try her absolute hardest to never act like such a fool again, even if it killed her. However, the shy smile on your face when she bounded up to you after Jona demanded the team to get into pairs for 1-on-1 practice, was enough proof for her to realise that it wouldn't be such a shame to go out of this world as a result of your love.

She almost came to regret that though when you handed her ass to her on a plate with each of your attempts to get past her. Because, quite frankly, you did embarrass her. Crossing her sides and body-checking her and out-skilling her each time was satisfying to no end, and it was exactly what you needed really. At one point, there was an ounce of worry that perhaps Alexia would be annoyed, but that dissipated immediately when she would laugh and slap her own forehead each time she was outshone.

That tiny speck of worry was completely forgotten about when, after the last attempt of the day, Alexia ran up behind you and lifted you up off the ground with her arms around your torso. Her mouth found its way to your ear as she took a few steps whilst carrying you, squeezing you tightly once.

"Never embarrass me like that again." She murmured jokingly, fighting back a grin as you laughed unabashedly in her hold. Afterwards, she put you down and moved to walk closely beside you, heading back to the main building as Jona called the end of training.

"You're the one that partnered up with me, Ale." You nudged her in the side with your elbow, gazing up at her with an adoring look that had Alexia's heart jumping in her chest.

"Maybe, but I only have one thing to say."

"What's that?" You hummed.

"Thank god for Mariona." She murmured, smiling as you giggled and nodded.

That smile was wiped off her face when an arm flung around her shoulders not a second later.

"Thank god for who?"

"I don't need your bragging right now, Mario, you're ruining a nice moment."

"I made this nice moment happen, Ale, you better thank me properly soon."

With that, the islander left just as quickly as she had arrived. When Alexia noticed the teasing grin on your face at the interaction, she shoved at your shoulder with a grumble under her breath.

"She really got through to you, then?"

"Oh, yeah, she beat my ass."

[worldofkuro]

I'm curious..sometimes I just crave platonic so...

What if reader was his little sibling? What would their childhood and teenagehood look like?

I’m sorry, I’ve been working a lot and I didn’t have time for myself. Next chapter should be uploaded this weekend.  Now, a Platonic question, I’m delighted ! I hope you'll enjoy it :)

Alastor would act differently depending on how you were.

If you were emotional, he would use you as his experiment. Why were you crying now? Why were you smiling? You were his little experiment and sibling, how lucky he was!

If you were a normal person, he wouldn’t show interest in you and just let you live your life.

During his childhood, if he created a bond with you, he would try to make you immune to others feelings, just like he was. If you were sad because an animal died, or because you fought with some “friends” of yours, he would try to understand why you were upset, or tried to understand your feelings.

For you security, and yours, he would try to explain to you how to perceive the world, never showing weakness. 

“ Dear sister/brother, you must have walls inside your head, no one can hurt you, no one, not even father.”

If you began to be like him, he would be delighted as a child, finally he wasn’t completely alone. You both would torture some animals in the forest, thinking it was your dad.

When you grew up and met Alice, Alyzée and John at school, depending if Alastor had succeeded at cutting your feelings for others, you both would see them as useful tools for your future plans.

But if you created a true and deep friendship with them, Alastor would just smile at you, with a hint of mischief. 

“ What ? You like them ?... That’s why you are the little one, so weak to others. Go mingle, it will be useful either way.”

If you were to fall in love with John, Alastor would be so disappointed. Raise your standard won’t you?

But if you fell in love with Alice and managed to have a relationship with her, Alastor would pinch your cheek with a big smile.

“ Well done, brat! A big fish you caught !”

If you ever were insecure about your relationship with Alice, Alastor would try to cheer you up but… In a weird way?

“ Why do you feel bad ? She is rich.” " You think you don't deserve her? .... You are my sibling, she doesn't deserve you." “ Yes, you both are girls… And?” “ You think you are disgusting for liking a girl ? Let me show you how disgusting men are, you’ll feel like you are the cleanest thing in town.”

He would want you to continue this relationship because it was useful for him.

Voodoo would be fun for both of you, and you would compete against one another. 

“ You can see people’s souls? Pfff, I can trap them.”

He would let you live your beautiful, loving life while he would go deeper into darkness.

Don’t trust him, he would betray you if he had something to win.

Now, now, if you were just like him, not feeling emotion for others, being selfish and wishing for power, then you were his best accomplice.

You both would be an unstoppable duo. Alastor would say that you both were twins, you were just a little late.

Killing your father would be a bonding experience for the both of you as you stayed awake at night for years, picturing how his death would feel like.

You would go sit into a coffee shop, talking about your last murder in a way nobody would understand.

You would want to have a job where you would be in the spotlight, just like your older brother.

But Alastor would never trust you fully, you were just like him, which meant you were dangerous, clever, ambitious. You were a danger to him, and even if he adored you because of how similar you were to him. He would try to kill you first.

And you would think just like him.

In the end, unless one of you moves to another country, you would be an amazing duo but also swore enemies.

“ Dear little one, it wasn’t nice to try to frame me for the neighbor’s death, but it was very clever. I can’t wait to see what you have in store! But now… This is my turn to play.”

When you both meet in Hell, you would smile widely at each other. Another game was on.

Fighting like siblings, even in Hell.

[anabdaniels]

A taste of what you asked for

Paring: Agent Whiskey x Female reader

Summary: Jack decides to prove you that not only his mustache can have a porn vibe.

Word counting: 1.6k

Rating: +18

Warnings: Oral (f receiving), unprotected sex, love bites, creampie, rough sex (but not that rough), undertones of the author's polemic opinions toward some sex positions, Jack being a talented bastard when it comes to sex.

A/N: I'll not explain myself about this one hahaha. I saw a tweet of a girl complaining about her boyfriend shaving his mustache without warning her beforehand and my brain started to work.

Divider from: @saradika-graphics

Masterlist

Unworriedly scrolling your phone, you were lying on your back on the bed while you could hear Jack’s little noises while taking care of his beloved mustache in the en-suite bathroom. A few minutes later you heard the shower running and smiled as you smelled the scent of your shampoo that Jack swore you would never notice he casually stole.

When Jack came out of the bathroom only with the towel wrapped around his waist you didn’t waste the chance to take a look at him, analyzing every part of your handsome husband. Noticing your attention over him, Jack approached the bed with a smirk, crawling on the mattress to get close to you, planting a teasing kiss on your shoulder as he settled by your side.

You stopped for a moment, realizing that something seemed out of place, not realizing what it was immediately, but needed no more than a couple seconds to find out, sitting on the bed with an intrigued expression.

“No, you can't have done this.” You said in pure perplexity while touching the spot at Jack’s face where his sideburns were supposed to be “Daniels you haven't.”

“Why do you seem so surprised, sweetheart?” Jack laughed pulling you to lay on top of him “I told you I was considering doing it a few days ago, remember?”

“I thought you were just bluffing about shaving your sideburns, I didn't believe you would betray me like that.” You explained while still running your fingers on the sides of his face.

“Betray you?” Jack raised an eyebrow with a curious grin while caressing the sides of your body.

“How should I feel with you casually showing up with your sideburns shaved without giving me a single warning before?” you raised both of your eyebrows as you got comfortable on top of him “If you ever dare to touch this mustache, you'll be a divorced man.”

“Y’know I would never damage my mustache, sugar. But now you tempted me just for the sake of seeing you this mad about it.” He retorted in his cocky manner, making you roll your eyes.

“You really can’t spend a day without being bitchy, hum?” you said softly slapping his bicep.

“Jesus Christ, you’re the first woman that gets pissed because your husband cares about looking good.” Jack pinched your cheek teasingly, with that damn seductive smirk on his lips.

“I never said that.” You contradicted promptly, lifting your head from his chest to look at his face “What got me was the surprise element.”

“So you’re not that unhappy at all.” He concluded while grabbing your chin between his thumb and index finger.

“Of course not, I mean, I had nothing against your 70s porn sideburns and mustache combo, but I ain’t finding any problem with the new look.” You squinted at the moment he burst into a laugh.

“70s porn, honey? Really?” he questioned raising one eyebrow, still smirking.

“I haven’t created the concept.” You shrugged, biting your bottom lip as he rolled on the bed, letting you underneath him.

“But something tells me you enjoy the whole thing.”

“I do actually.” You confirmed while your idle hands moved to unwrap the towel off his waist, smiling satisfied as you saw his cock proudly erect.

“Then I may give you a bit of help to keep your little fantasies fed.” Jack spoke as his hands moved under your dress, lifting it and getting you rid of it with no ceremony. You intended to ask what he was planning, but he gave you no time as he flipped you on the bed and started to trail kisses down your spine, making you shiver all over.

As he did with your dress, Jack got rid of your panties, smiling at the sight of you so beautifully relaxed on the bed. Not wanting to waste such an opportunity, he squeezed your thighs and kissed your lower back, moving down to kiss your rear, only moving forward after biting one of your buttcheeks. Carefully, Jack grabbed your hips, lifting them until your knees were resting on the mattress; he wasn’t a jerk, Jack perfectly remembered how you warned him that having you on all fours was completely out of the question, unless it was for a bit of harmless foreplay, so you knew exactly how that was going to end even before you felt another soft bite on your butt.

Wanting to appreciate that great view of you spread open right in front of him, Jack took his time, kissing all over your thighs, hips, and ass before starting to approach your already wet core. He savored and covered with kisses every inch of skin from your outer lips, then to the inner lips, causing you to whine and smash the nearest pillow you could reach when his low groan reverberated against your pussy as his tongue buried on your entrance. You didn’t even try to keep rested on your elbows, letting your face and chest sink into the bed as you unconsciously pranced up your rear against his face, contorting and whimpering more at every move of his tongue.

Giving you no chance to foresee it, Jack moved ahead, sucking your swollen clit as his hands gently massaged your ass, getting you completely out of your mind as you sighed, moaned, and bit the pillow you were squeezing, feeling your heart beating on your throat and your breath messed while you concentrated on enjoy the marvelous work of his mouth on your clit accompanied by the sporadic little nudges of his nose on your entrance. You did the best you could to keep yourself together for a little longer, but Jack knew way too well what he was doing to give you a chance to keep your composure, so you followed your body’s urges, moving your hips along with his tongue, arching your back and crying out when you finally got your release, feeling your strength vanishing and your hips falling back on the bed as the effects of your orgasm spread all over your body.

You were more than ready to just lay down completely boneless for a few minutes, but of course, that wouldn’t going to happen yet, after all, Jack Daniels wasn’t a man of left a task unfinished or play at work, if you thought that his mustache alone passed a 70s porn vibe, then he would provide you with a performance that matched your opinions.

After gently apart your legs, Jack placed himself between them, resting his elbows on the bed while kissing your shoulder and the curve of your neck. When you were recomposed enough to turn your head and look at him, no second thoughts were necessary for him to go on and kiss you hungrily, moving his tongue into your mouth as his torso was softly pressed against your back. You choked on your breath as he smoothly moved inside you, the tip of his cock brushing against your cervix softly and it kept like that even with his thrusts not being precisely gentle; of course, Jack was more than aware that too much energy on his move could end up with your cervix being hit in a not so pleasant way, but he also knew very well how to manage his pace to not cause you any discomfort, even while railing you so energetically like that.

As your head leaned back for you to catch your breath, Jack couldn’t help but grin at the beautiful sight of you taken by the pleasure he was providing you with, feeling his urge for every inch of your body growing wilder. He passed one arm around the upper part of your torso, keeping your shoulders pressed against his chest while he covered you with kisses and praises, wondering how he could be so lucky to have you to call his, to love dearly every day and fuck well every night.

Even feeling like your body was out of control, you managed to move one hand back, resting it on Jack’s nape and grabbing his hair tight. He sighed heavily and rested his head against yours, only then giving you the chance to realize how good it felt to rub your face against his without a sideburn scratching your cheek. Your free hand rested on Jack's forearm that was holding you close, your nails digging into his skin as your cunt became more sensitive to his steady rough pace, making you pulse involuntarily around his already throbbing cock. As it became more common with the passing time you were married and knew better how each other’s bodies worked, you and Jack fell apart together, remaining at the mess of tangled limbs you two had become while both of you enjoyed your orgasms.

At the very moment Jack moved to lay on his back on the bed, he pulled you to rest on his chest, caressing your back and kissing the top of your head. You made sure to snuggle yourself comfortably, letting one leg on top of him. He smiled at the very moment he saw the slight mark of his teeth on your butt and caressed the spot gently, making you moan quietly and move one hand to his face, letting your fingers move along, taking a little long on the region his sideburns used to be.

“You’ll really not forgive me for that?” he questioned playfully, looking at you.

“On the contrary, I was actually planning to tell you to keep like this. I can live happily having only your mustache.” You admitted looking at him with a smile, chuckling when he shook his head.

“You’ll be the death of me someday, sugarcube.” Jack rested one hand on your cheek, leaning to give you a gentle peck on the lips before nestling you even more between his arms.

@missladym1981

[peachymilkandcream]

Broken Pt. 2 | Levi x Evelyn

(A/N: I wanted to do a part 2 of this so here we are! Hope you guys enjoy!)

WARNINGS: implied noncon, dubcon, manipulation, domestic abuse, yandere themes, forced marriage, forced pregnancy, stockholm syndrome, graphic depictions of violence, mind breaking, misogyny, etc.

==================================

Rose met Levi’s eyes, her face battered and covered in blood.

“Captain Levi-“ She choked out. “Evelyn’s gone crazy- tell me she was lying- Petra trusted you, you never would’ve betrayed her!”

Levi was silent far too long, the look on his face exceeded far beyond his naturally cold expression. It was something more dark, more sinister. She swore she could even see a red tint to his eyes as he stared down at her.

“Accusing my wife of lying is an unforgivable crime.”

She stares at him in disbelief. “Your wife is trying to kill me and you’re worrying about what I accuse her of!? Don’t avoid the question, answer me!”

“You threatened the safety of my home, scared my wife-“

“I scared her!? She’s coming at me with a fucking axe!”

“Therefore you deserve this.”

Rose’s eyebrows furrow until he swiftly removes a pistol from his pocket, aims and fires directly into her head.

Levi blew away the smoke and looked up at his bloodstained wife, she had never looked so beautiful.

“I see you’ve been busy while I was gone.”

Evelyn sighs and puts the axe down. “She came at me with a knife.”

“So she really did deserve it. Self defence.”

“I’m sure you could spin it that way.”

“Are you hurt?” He waits a moment for her head nod of no. “Then go clean up, I’ll take care of this.”

A small noise shifts both of their attention, looking for the source.

Rose’s boyfriend Paul covered his mouth to hide his panicked breaths. He had agreed to be the lookout, making sure that Captain and wife didn’t surprise her. He had failed and now she was dead. He had heard her suffering and the sickening blows that lead to her demise. Now he was next. He had to get out of here and bring these two sick fucks to justice.

But they heard him. They were looking directly at the wall he was hiding behind.

“Come out and I’ll spare your life trespasser.” Levi’s voice rang out.

Paul refused.

“Don’t test my patience.”

Again he refused. Footsteps, coming closer.

“This is your last chance.”

Fuelled by terror and the need to escape Paul jumped up, underestimating the distance between him and his assassin.

The moment he popped up a swift punch to the face sent him to the ground. As he looked up Levi stood over him with a smile.

“Looks like you need a lesson boy.”

The boot to his face made him loose his consciousness.

==================================

Evelyn listened to the screams of their prisoner once he awoke. She listened until Levi finally made them fall silent. The only noises the sound of the record and the digging. Once she had hated that sound, now she understood it was just a part of life.

“I don’t want to set the world, on, fire~”

Finally Levi joined her in the living room, freshly cleaned and without that feral look in his eye.

“Mrs. Ackerman.”

“Captain Ackerman.”

He takes in her mending one of his shirts. “I have servants for that.”

“I’m aware. But aside from warming your bed and giving you children your servants take away the rest of my duties as wife.”

Pleased with this answer he sits beside her. “The children?”

“After school activities. The little ones are in the nursery sleeping still.”

Again he goes quiet.

“I should have protected you.”

“I’m an Ackerman, I can handle myself.”

“Naturally my love. I just would hate for you to get traumatized by that sort of thing.”

She stops sewing to rub his thigh affectionately with her hand. “Please don’t beat yourself up darling, I know you would’ve done something if you could.”

Suddenly he stands, extending a hand. “Dance with me.”

Evelyn raises a brow. “My Captain? Dancing?”

He pulls her to her feet. “Don’t be a smartass. You used to love to dance with me.”

She smiles and holds him close, swaying in time with the music.

“You look divine like this.”

“Like what?”

“I don’t want to set the world on fire~”

“With the glow of motherhood, the vibrance of a kill in your eyes. Perfectly happy submitted to me.”

She blushes and pulls him closer. “You flatter me.”

“I just want to start~”

“Only because you are worth it my dear. I broke that rebellion out of you, for both our sakes.”

She snuggles into him closer still.

“My lovely wife.”

“A flame in your heart~”

[synthapostate]

Return of the Ever-Expanding WIP List

I'm doing this again. Organizing the list is part of my process I guess.

Resist Psychic Death - Possessed Newt. Next chapter: the Geiszlers arrive in Hong Kong.

The Tropes Nobody Asked For - A bodyswap AU. This would be complete if I could come up with a concluding paragraph to wrap things up. (It's been months, man, get it together.)

I could be writing sweaty nerd sex like a normal person but no - Maybe if I changed the title I could wrap my head around this? (I should just scrap this and be done with it.)

Heating Pad - A cat adopts Hermann.

Miserable, Lonely and Depressed (Pathetic) - The return of Cool Uncle Newt. (He’s not cool, he’s possessed.)

Vampire AU - I mean obviously I had to write a vampire AU at some point. (Comedy.)

Some Days You Just Can’t Get Rid of a Bomb - Newt tries to solve capitalism. I don’t think this is even going anywhere, but I like the title too much to let it go.

Cold as Ice - Hurt/Comfort? Something. Contains no hurt/comfort and has nothing to do with cold or ice, but…it’s…something. A convergence of “whoever will take him” and (numbers) “will never betray me”. Hurt people hurt people, but survivors can be kind. (I wrote to what I thought was the end and nothing was resolved, so now I don't know.)

Newt’s Passion - A sex pollen fic. (No, it isn’t.) (Zom com.)

Here Begins the Land of Phantoms - Vampires, full horror. Gore, angst, little bit of body horror. Next chapter: Tendo Choi is a really nice guy.

Consent is Sexy - A team-building exercise leads to certain confessions that would not be made while sober.

Cold as Ice 2: Alaskan Boogaloo - It's not set in Alaska. I struggle desperately to get these men into the situation they need to be in, to no avail.

The Worst Thing I Can Possibly Imagine - My genuine attempt to work through something, but then I thought of a punchline so now it’s a funny little shitpost.

Splash - A…feelings thing. The first tentative steps toward getting along.

Caffeine Blues - I swore I would never write a coffee shop au, but…One chapter to go? December is becoming a monster chapter that might have to split again. Next chapter: Newt finally sees Hermann in those tights.

Stop You Have Enough WIPs - Some silly fluff for these stressful times.

Shoes - Newt’s past catches up with him. Hermann is intrigued.

Groundhog Day - Hey man, these sci fi tropes exist for a reason.

Newt and Hermann Go On Six Dates - I write fluff now. Next chapter: An impromptu road trip takes the fellas to the state fair.

Hermann Gets Shot - It is so dangerous to start a fight in an elevator when one of the people you’re fighting has a gun.

Return to Sender - Newt leaves Hong Kong to work for Shao. Angst. Uhhhhh I used that title for something else. What’s another song about letters?

Find Me in the Drift - Sequel to Dinner With a Friend. Haven't decided yet if I'll make the next part a second chapter or its own fic, but, next chapter/fic: Mako can believe that Newt has become a capitalist douchebag who buys his own hype, but alarm bells ring when Hermann returns from Shanghai with an easygoing smile and a positive attitude. Why is he trying to get along with everyone?

The Curse of Gottlieb Manor - In which I actually try to write horror on purpose, and give myself the most intense nightmares I’ve had in years. I’m toning it down for the actual story.

Painting the Kitchen - About finding a future after the apocalypse is averted.

Total Eclipse of the Heart - Jake Pentecost doesn’t trust Newt, decides to keep a close eye on him to guard Hermann’s back, and accidentally ends up with two new dads.

A Kidnapping - Um…it’s a kidnapping.

Wake Up, Dr. Jones! - More trauma. Possibly too much trauma actually. Scrap this?

Space Opera - When the first kaiju comes through the breach, Newt fires off a plea for help into deep space. There can’t be just one alien race out there, right? Maybe some of them will be on our side.

Third Act Breakup - I hate romcoms. Let’s do this thing.

Sweet Siren Song - Newt is doing his biology thing in the Atlantic, Hermann is an inexperienced sailor who shouldn’t be out alone on a day like this, they both get caught in a storm, turns out mermaids are real. (Romance.) (Accidental horror.)

What’s Your Angle - Turns out mermaids are real. (Horror.) (Accidental romance?)

Etiquette and Protocol - Loosely based on a dream, the boys are forced to take an etiquette class because anger management isn’t working. (Protip: if you encourage me to add something to my list, I probably will.)

Am I Blue - In which Newt learns how far Hermann is willing to go to save him.

Mr. Cellophane - Post-war, they go their separate ways, but when Newt is involved in an unlikely lab accident, obviously his first thought is to go to Hermann for help.

Hanahaki - Still angst but I have entirely dropped the hanahaki premise.

Time is On My Side - I reuse the tag “Hermann Gottlieb bends all of time and space to his will for the man he loves,” whether it's applicable or not. Next chapter: Newt attempts to tell Hermann about their future; Hermann puts all his energy into solving this time travel thing because enough is enough.

Chuck Punches Hermann in the Face - He was aiming for Newt.

I’ve Got My Love to Keep Me Warm - In which Newt owns a space heater, and Hermann does not.

Marriage of Convenience - Lars Gottlieb has a scheme, Hermann will do anything to get out of it, Newt is an agent of chaos, fake dating ensues.

The Allegations - In which Hermann is not beating them. (Note: this time the allegations are that Hermann is a robot.)

Perspective - A very nice day. :) (Lie.)

Regency - In which I decide not to let all the meticulous research I've done go to waste. Apparently I'm writing a full regency romance novel, and it will be held to Harlequin's publication standards. (For historical accuracy. I already know I'm too gay for market.)

Alternate Universe - Hermann Gottlieb bends all of time and space to his will for the man he loves. Again.

Genie in a Bottle - I'm putting Hermann through too many shenanigans. It's only because he's my favorite.

Straight to Voicemail - An urban fantasy AU. Possibly horror. We'll see.

Spacewalk - In which the Shatterdome is a deep space colony ship, and I pay homage to my favorite sci fi author.

Search Party - Post-precursors recovery fic, in which Newt relearns that he is the good man Hermann says he is.

Hospital Whump (Take Two) - In which I will NOT get sidetracked by feels, and they WILL end up in the hospital, and there will be both hurt and comfort.

Hermann Holds a Baby - Too dark, might delete.

Blue Christmas - Because I love working on things that wouldn't make sense to post yet.

Dragonslayer - High fantasy AU. Obvious premise, but what the hell, dragons are cool. (First section is almost complete!)

I'm the One You're Looking For - This Fallout fusion is going to be an epic multichapter adventure story after all. Next chapter: Newt sees the stars for the first time.

Apocalypse - Their disaster of a first meeting is the worst day of Newt's life. Partly because their attempt to storm away from each other is interrupted by a zombie outbreak. Now Newt is stuck with the guy who hates him, and they're barely one step ahead of the hordes of the walking dead hungering for human flesh. It's so unfair. (Originally a concept for the Halloween zine, but the wordcount got away from me.)

First Contact, Cynical Edition - Am I filling eleven year old prompts from a dead kinkmeme? Maybe! Newt and Hermann's first meeting takes place at Area 51. Sort of X-Files vibes, among other things.

Rock! - More post-Uprising angst. Not everyone is willing to believe that Newt is not responsible for the precursors' actions, no matter what Hermann says.

Halloween - No kaiju au, originally intended for the Halloween zine. Hermann agrees to babysit Mako and Jake over the weekend when their father is called out of town. Since Halloween is coming up, they watch a scary movie together, only to be interrupted by the creepy upstairs neighbor. (Despite the title, has nothing to do with the films of John Carpenter. I was thinking more like Ringu.)

Cabin - Another no kaiju au originally intended for the Halloween zine. As their relationship starts to get serious, Newt and Hermann go away for a romantic weekend in a cabin in the woods. Nothing bad ever happens at an isolated cabin in the woods.

I Already Forgot - Years after the war, two old friends have a drink together and reminisce.

Phantom - My actual fic for the Halloween zine. :)

(Honorable mention: Drift Swap fic. Talk about this someday.)

[asdfghjklalana]

Dear Mikey,

You’re the most vile person i’ve ever met. I can’t cry anymore, i spent all day january 28 and 29 crying and i haven’t cried since. not even when i found out you were cheating for real. i almost felt relieved when i found out but also completely destroyed. when you sent me the voice note my heart dropped and i just knew, i knew everything that had happened this year had been a lie. i knew that you were pure evil.

i despise you so much right now i would do anything to hurt you. i almost prayed for your downfall today but i realized i should just pray for my success in love, life, in general - this would be the most satisfying form of revenge. i don’t think i’ve ever felt this type of anger before. it’s so overwhelming that all i can do is be calm else i feel it will take over me.

i hate you so much i keep thinking about every memory, every little detail i let slide because you told me i was too insecure. told me all i cared about was cheating and that we couldn’t have something good because there was no trust. the truth is you never did anything for me to trust you. you never did but i loved you so much i just wanted it to work even if it meant turning a blind eye to your suspicious behaviour. i knew something was wrong but i convinced myself to forget maybe because that was easier to do than to face the reality. because the reality was i had been sleeping beside someone who was lying to me every single day that i spent with him.

i keep asking myself why me? why did this have to happen to me? but the truth is i let it. the truth is i knew better and i let this happen. i remember the day i was really done the day i really wanted to leave i called my ex. i was so firm on that decision and then you sent me those voice notes and everything changed. you made me feel like you were a hero for being with me with the std, something i felt so much shame about, something i could never change and you used that against me. after that i swore to never leave again and that was the biggest mistake i made.

i let your words mess me up let them manipulate me. i will never make that mistake again you will never have access to me again. i hope you get what you deserve in this life; such a foul violent and deceitful person deserves nothing but shit in this life.

to look at me and know that all i wanted from you was love and loyalty and nothing else and to actively use that against me while betraying me over and over again? pure evil; i kept giving you more and more thinking i was the problem. demanding nothing in return. the only point i needed was loyalty. and i didn’t even get that.

you taught me one thing - i need to trust my instincts because they are ALWAYS right. always. i will never forget. you made me realize i have so much work to do on myself. to let a sick broke loser cheat on me over and over again to lie to me to break me has made me realize something needs to change in me. and for that i’m thankful because i may have never really woken up may have remained naive forever. but i’m awake now.

i always thought at the end of it i would wish you nothing but the best but truly i don’t wish you the best. i wish you to get hurt, i wish you to feel pain, i wish you to suffer like you made me suffer and i’ve never wished that upon anyone i’ve ever loved before. but you fucked me up beyond repair. you made me feel like the bad guy while you fucked people behind my back over and over and made me suffer for it to hide your lies. made me look crazy, literally BLEED just to hide your lies. literally CHOKED ME to hide your lies. you would have killed me just to make yourself look pretty. i will never forgive you and i will pray everyday that you get what you deserve.

i know i deserve better i know it but i can’t believe i let myself live with this shit for so long it makes me question if i do.

[hollow-human]

I was born to be a lesson. Born to be a stepping stone. Born to be the one that prompted people to change.

I am the one that destroys everything she touches. Because I am the fire that will bleed you dry and leave you in the darkness. I will take everything you love away, I will destroy you to your very core. Because I am nothing but a lesson. A lesson of "do not ever be like this". Maybe that's why I'm here. Maybe my suffering doesn't matter, as long as people learn how to not be like me. People say I'm not a monster. That although I made mistakes, they do not hate me. They've forgiven me.

But no one would ever come back, no matter how much I love them. Because my love is destructive. Exhausting. Everything that it shouldn't be. The good in me fails to shine through and I leave the darkness show its teeth. I let anger burn brighter than my kindness ever did.

I'm disappointed. The little kid I was supposed to protect, the little kid I had to raise and keep alive is afraid of me. Little me does not know me. She does not like me. She does not want me. She is afraid. She can't believe we became the things we ran away from all my life. She can't understand what happened and to be honest, I don't either.

What happened is that I had to protect myself. And I took it so far and so deep that I forgot not everyone hates me. Not everyone is out to hurt me. Some people are. Some people will always be. That's just how they are. But I've built my walls so high that I've gone blind with fear. I can't distinguish who is good and who is bad anymore. Maybe I never could. Maybe what I have is not love, because love should not hurt. It should not leave scars.

I am the worst, most powerful lesson someone could meet. But I wish I was more than just a horrible thing to happen. I wish I was a kinder lesson. I wish I was a more beautiful lesson. The lesson that teaches you how to love, not how to hate. Not how to walk away. Not the lesson that breaks you. The lesson that builds you and teaches you to be good.

Despite all I've endured, in the end, I hate myself more than everyone ever did. My mother's rage can't touch me anymore, because I've done far worse to myself than she ever could. Her fists mean nothing against my blade. Her anger means nothing against my self-destruction. No words she has ever said could cut deeper than those I tell myself. There is no one else I should fear more than my own person.

I became a monster. And I shouldn't teach people any more lessons. I will cut my tongue before I ever lash out on anyone else again. I will cut my hands before I ever raise them against anyone else ever again.

Truth is, dying isn't something I deserve. I deserve to suffer more. Have I learnt nothing? Has all the abuse meant nothing? Why did I become my mother? Why did I let myself become a monster? How could I do this? I betrayed everyone else, but at the end of the day, I betrayed myself the most. I promised, no - I swore I will never be her. And yet every single time I speak, I hear her voice. Every time I look in the mirror, I see her face. And I know there is no forgiveness in my heart for what she did. So there is no forgiveness in my heart for me either.

The funny and kind little girl who just wanted to love and be loved? The little girl who wanted to protect people so they never know the pain she did? I destroyed her. And I don't think she's ever coming back either. I'm sorry I couldn't protect me from myself. I didn't know how deep it ran. I didn't know I could hate myself so much. If I knew, I would've left before hurting anyone else.

Stay away from me and people like me. We bring nothing but chaos. We are too far gone and we don't deserve good things. Little me does - but I killed her a long, long time ago. I no longer deserve anything. I don't think I can ever get my inner child to ever open up again, I think I broke her. I think I'm irreparable. Like a glass that has been broken too many times. You can put the pieces back together, but it will still leak.

There is a darkness in me that has been there at all times. I think I lost myself in it. I think it swallowed me whole. And although I see it now.. I don't think I'm coming back either. The next step for me is, as I know it so well, numbness. A numbness I can't get out if I refuse to. A numbness I don't want to get out of. I want to sink. Deeper. In darker holes. To be swallowed so deeply that when it's done with me, I am nothing. Hollow and empty. Bones that are kept together by a heart that beats, but no longer feels. I don't deserve happiness. I deserve to be empty for as long as I breathe.

[creepy--claws]

[● It is way too easy for me to fall in love with things that mean nothing. Like I see this stupid cat toy of a fly with eyes and he is so innocent and harmless and I think I must protect him with my life and if anything happens to him I will break down and cry. Same goes with Chao.

The second I first stepped into a Chao garden and my firstborn stepped out, I fell in love with him immediately. He was my son and I loved him. My kids didn't have names for a while cuz I didn't know how to name them. When I found out, I gave my boys names. Jojo and Charon. I loved them and swore to protect them.

One time I ACCIDENTALLY THREW AND KICKED JOJO ALL IN ONE MINUTE. I STILL DON'T FORGIVE MYSELF.

It is a FICTIONAL NOT REAL CREATURE IN A VIDEO GAME BUT GOD IT HURT ME. HE CRIED SO MUCH SO HARD AND IT HURT ME SO MUCH. HE RELIED ON ME FOR PROTECTION AND LOVE AND I BETRAYED IT ALL IN UNDER A MINUTE. I AM SO SORRY MY BOY I NEVER MEANT TO HURT YOU. I WILL NEVER FORGIVE MYSELF FOR AS LONG AS I LIVE. I WAS MEANT TO NURSE YOU AND TAKE CARE OF YOU AND PROTECT YOU AND I JUST HURT YOU. I AM THE WORST PARENT EVER.

He forgave me but I never forgave myself.

Eventually it was time for him to set sail and live his own life. The first time I was going to get rid of him I tapped out so motherfucking fast oh my god. The sad music and the dark tone- no no no kiddos you can't just do that. I ejected him immediately and spoiled him so much. I tried again like a week and a half later and turned down the volume and closed my eyes. He will live a happy life in the forest but it still hurt my feelings. He is now happily living on his own. I love him still, even if he is not with me.

I will never understand how people can just casually mistreat chaos. Like how can you look at this innocent creature that loves you and trusts you and think "I can't wait to make it regret living." Why would you do that, it just wants to be happy and play with toys and animals and maybe participate in races or challenges. They're your children, you have to protect and love them. If you can't, please just spare it of the horrors and send it to live a happy life in the forest.

I still don't forgive myself for accidentally hurting my child, how can you guys actively do it on purpose and feel nothing? I say this with no offense by the way like it's just kind of amazing how you don't feel a shred of sympathy for this creature. How can you take pleasure in watching it cry and scream when it has done nothing to wrong you in any way? It's just kinda wild to me like that's bonkers.]

[sluttywonwoo]

adante, andante || j.ww x reader

Summary: when in greece… you lose your virginity to your best friend?? that’s how the saying goes, right??? (based off of the song andante, andante from mamma mia! here we go again)

Warnings: swearing, smut

Word Count: 3.1k

Masterlist

Waves lapped at the side of the boat gently as it rocked on the salty Mediterranean Sea, tugging at its anchor deep below the surface. The blazing sun was warming everything it touched, you included, and if it wasn’t for what was happening on top of the boat right now it probably would have lulled you to sleep a long time ago.

Wonwoo was laying in between your legs, leaving wistful kisses along your neck and collarbone. You moaned lowly and turned your head to the side to give him more access as he continued to explore your body with his mouth and hands. He pulled at your bikini straps with his teeth playfully as you tangled your hands in his still-damp curls.

“Wonwoo,” you panted breathlessly, not wanting to stop but knowing you had to.

“Hm?” He looked up eagerly, lips pinker than usual, warm brown eyes darker than you’d ever seen them.

“I- you know I’m a virgin, right?”

Your best friend swallowed and then nodded hesitantly. “Shit, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have… I should’ve realized.”

You weren’t quite sure what to say. “I, um, just thought you should know.”

He nodded again and wiped his hands on his swim trunks nervously. “Yeah, no thanks for telling me. I was being stupid I shouldn’t have-“

“No, I liked it,” you blurted, perhaps a little too quickly.

Wonwoo chuckled and ran a hand through his hair, looking you up and down. You noted with a hint of a smile how even though his hair was wet, curls still stuck out in the back.

“I liked it too.”

“We… don’t have to stop,” you said softly.

Wonwoo raised his eyebrows slightly in surprise at the offer. “Are you sure?”

“Only if you want to.”

His eyes darkened and he grinned, suddenly much more confident than he had been a few moments ago.  “Oh, I want to.”

You smiled and lounged back on the deck as he leaned forward over you and pressed his lips to yours once again. He tasted like salt and champagne, with just a hint of orange juice. An odd combination, but addicting nonetheless.

You wondered if the mimosas you had shared earlier lingered on your lips too, or if the salt water overpowered it and had erased any trace of the fruity drinks.

Wonwoo thrust his hips up against you ever so slightly and you whined into another kiss, silently begging him to do it again. It wasn’t much, but the tiny bit of friction the movement did offer was delicious and you needed more of it.

As if he could read your mind, he repeated the motion, deeper this time so that the two of you were flush against each other. The only thing that separated you for that brief moment was the fabric of your swimsuits.

You could feel him through his shorts, already half hard. You ached to touch him, to make him feel good, but nerves held you back. You’d never done any of this after all- well you’d tried blowing your ex-boyfriend once in a parking lot after a movie, but you choked. Literally. You had been completely unprepared and ended up nearly throwing up on his dick after going too far, too fast. After that, you swore you’d never try it ever again, but now your mouth was watering at the thought of having Wonwoo in your mouth. Still, you weren’t sure if you had the courage.

“Fuck.”

“What is it, love?” Wonwoo asked, lifting his head. His eyes still held that same intensity, but his expression betrayed a touch of concern.

“Keep doing that,” you gasped.

“What, this?” he asked and thrust toward you again.

“Yes.”

Wonwoo chuckled.

“What?”

“Nothing!”

“No, why are you laughing?” You pouted.

“Because we’re just- I mean we’re dry humping, essentially,” he explained. “You haven’t seen anything yet, baby.” He reached a hand behind your back and pulled the remaining string that was holding your bikini top up loose. “I mean, if I’m making you feel this good now, imagine what I can do when I’m actually touching you.”

Somewhere along the line your best friend’s goofy demeanor had fallen away and been replaced with this cocky attitude and you didn’t mind one bit.

You let the hand that was still holding your bikini to your chest fall to the side, and with it the top.

“Jesus Christ,” Wonwoo mumbled to himself as he stared.

You rolled your eyes. “C’mon, you’ve seen boobs before.”

“Not yours.”

You wanted to roll your eyes again, ask him how often that line worked on other girls, but truth be told it was working like a fucking charm on you. You had to look away and bite your lip to keep from smiling like an idiot.

Wonwoo reached out and trailed a finger down your now-exposed chest in awe. He brought his hand back up and ever so lightly brushed the tip of his thumb over one of your nipples, repeating the motion with more pressure when you moaned his name.

His breath caught in his throat as your nipples perked under his fingers, pinching them gently. He lowered his head down to your chest and replaced one of the hands on your tits with his mouth.

You whimpered and arched up toward him as he nipped at your sensitive skin with his teeth, sending tingles down your spine.

You had never been touched like this by anybody. You’d given yourself a hand (or rather, a couple of fingers) before, of course, but it was nothing compared to this.

Wonwoo’s hands traveled down to your waist where the hem of your bathing suit bottoms rested on your hips. He tugged at them impatiently.

“Lift up for me, baby,” he ordered softly.

You did as you were told and let him take them off. He twirled them around on a finger, smirking at you before tossing them off to the side.

“Idiot,” you scoffed.

“You know you love me.”

“Yeah, I do.”

He paused for a second, almost like he was surprised by your answer, but shook it off. His gaze traveled down your body to between your legs and locked there.

“Shit, y/n,” he gulped.

“What? What is it?” you asked nervously, hoping he wasn’t seeing something he didn’t like. Maybe not all pussies looked like that- but no, you’d watched porn before. That couldn’t be it. “Wonwoo?” you tried again, nudging him with your knee.

“Sorry.” He blinked and looked back up at you. “You just, you’re really…”

“Use your words, Wonwoo,” you teased.

“I really wanna taste you,” he admitted weakly, then cleared his throat to compose himself. “But we can do that another time. I don’t want to push you, especially since it’s your first time.”

You just nodded along as his words echoed in your head.

I really wanna taste you.

Another time.

He’d want to do this again? He’d want you again?

“I’m gonna start with two fingers, okay?”

Wonwoo’s voice snapped you out of your daze and you focused back in on him holding his middle and ring finger up for you to see.

“Okay.” Your voice wavered as you spoke.

“I’ll go slow,” he promised.

You stared at the clouds above you and took a deep breath, trying to calm your nerves. You flinched when you felt him touch you for the first time. He froze and looked back up at your face to gauge your reaction.

“Sorry,” you whispered hoarsely.

“Don’t apologize,” he chuckled. “Fuck, y/n, you’re so wet,” he said and held up his hand so that you could see your own arousal glistening on his fingers in the sunlight.

You squeezed your eyes shut in embarrassment. “I’m sorry!”

“What did I just say about apologizing?” “S-” Wonwoo glared at you, knowing you were about to apologize for apologizing. “Force of habit,” you mumbled.

“Never apologize for being turned on. It’s hot,” he said and brought his fingers up to his mouth. You thought back to a few seconds ago when he said he was desperate to taste you and watched as he licked your wetness off of his hand. “Sorry, couldn’t help myself.”

“What did you just say about apologizing?” you mocked, unable to say anything else about the comment he just made.

He rolled his eyes at you like he always did, but positioned his hand at your entrance anyway. He leaned down to kiss you again as he finally slid the two fingers into you. You moaned in relief at the feeling.

Wonwoo kept his fingers in place, letting you adjust to having them inside of you. You kind of wanted him to keep them there forever, not moving, just like they were, but you knew he was getting impatient too.

You moved your hips a little, signaling him to move as well and he was happy to oblige. He went slow, like he had promised, moving his fingers in a “come hither” motion.

“Fuck,” you gasped and let your head fall back. “Fuck, Wonwoo, please.”

“Please what?”

“Please…” you trailed off, your thoughts too jumbled to form a coherent sentence.

Your best friend took mercy on you and curled his fingers up further, pushing into you all the way to his knuckles. You cried out when he brushed against your g-spot for the first time and clenched your hands by your sides, mumbling profanities under your breath.

He praised you as he helped you fall apart, your name tumbling from his lips followed by ‘good girl’.

His fingers were definitely bigger than yours, longer too, and you wondered to yourself why the two of you hadn’t started doing this earlier.

You opened your eyes briefly to look at his face, flushed pink, brows furrowed in concentration. His eyes were darker than you had ever seen them, nearly black like the sea at dusk, a striking antithesis to the dazzling blue ocean beneath you.

“Wonwoo, wait,” you panted and reached out for the hand that wasn’t currently inside of you.

“Am I hurting you?”

“No, no it’s not that,” you stammered as you tried to catch your breath. “I just,” you paused, suddenly embarrassed. “I’m just close.”

“Oh.” His eyes widened with realization. “So did you want me to keep going or-”

You shook your head. “I want you.”

Wonwoo nodded, swallowed nervously, and pulled his fingers out of you slowly. He pushed himself up into a kneeling position and shimmied out of his swim shorts.

It was your turn to stare. You’d never seen your best friend naked before. To be fair, the boy was shirtless around you all the time, but that wasn’t the same as being butt-ass naked in front of you like he was now.

There were those butterflies again, fluttering around in your chest and stomach relentlessly. Something about the way Wonwoo was looking at you, something about the intimacy of the moment made your heart skip a beat.

You had never really let yourself think about how, uhm… well-off your best friend was, but now that his dick was literally staring you in the face you knew your estimate would have been way off anyway. Wonwoo always talked a big game, but you didn’t think he’d actually have the capability to back it up.

“My eyes are up here,” Wonwoo teased, making heat rush to your face. He lowered himself back over you with a smirk and pushed your hair out of your face delicately. “Are you sure about this?”

You nodded. “I’m sure if you’re sure.”

“I’m sure if you’re sure,” he repeated and grinned.

“Just do it already,” you groaned and rolled your eyes.

“Wow, so romantic,” he scoffed as he lined himself up. “Are you ready?”

You nodded again, suddenly overcome with nerves. You’d been doing so well, why were you freaking out now? You took a deep breath and reminded yourself that you trusted Wonwoo more than anyone you knew, he was your best friend and would never do anything to hurt you. You didn’t want to experience this with anyone else.

“I’m a little nervous,” you admitted. “Can you go slow?” Like before?

His eyes softened at your request and he nodded. “I’ll go as slow as you want, y/n. We can stop whenever. Just tell me what you need.”

You tensed, braced yourself for the stretch- for the pain you’d heard about all your life, but it never came. He pushed himself into you at an agonizing pace, pausing every inch or so to give you time to get used to the feeling. The sensation was new, but it wasn’t bad. Your body felt warm all over and the only way to describe what you were feeling was full.

Wonwoo’s head fell back and he cursed, hips jerking instinctively. You squeaked out a sound you didn’t know you were capable of making and laughed.

“Fuck, sorry,” he apologized.

“Don’t worry about it,” you said breathlessly, smiling up at your best friend reassuringly.

“You okay?”

“Never better.”

“Are you hurting?” he pressed, rubbing his thumb along your cheek.

“No, feels good.”

“You’ll tell me if it doesn’t, right?”

“Yes, Wonwoo,” you sighed impatiently. “Less talking, more fucking.”

He chuckled and shook his head. “As you wish.”

You groaned. “Don’t go all Princess Bride on me while we’re having sex, I’m already turned on enough.”

“Get used to disappointment.”

You pursed your lips and turned your head to the side to keep from laughing. You didn’t want to give him the satisfaction. He retaliated by leaning down and peppering kisses all over your face and neck, breaking your resolve.

“Okay, okay!” you cried.

“There’s a shortage of perfect breasts in this world,” he whispered in between kisses. “It would be a pity to damage yours.”

“You’re not even using context! How many fucking times have you seen this movie?”

He shrugged. “Too many to count.”

“Oh, so not very many then?”

“Fuck you!”

“You already are.”

“You get on my fucking nerves,” he growled.

“What are you gonna do about it?” you challenged, biting your bottom lip.

“I think you already know the answer to that.” He clenched his jaw and put a hand on your thigh to steady himself. “Are you good to keep going?”

“God, yes. Please move.”

“All you had to do was ask nicely, baby.”

Despite his cockiness he set a painstaking pace. He thrust into you gently, gauging your reaction each time. Lust and patience were both reflected in his eyes, wrestling for control. You couldn’t look away even if you wanted to. He was so fucking beautiful and he was yours, if but for a moment.

“Is this alright?” he asked in a strained voice.

You wanted to tell him to go faster, beg him to fuck you harder, but the words wouldn’t come. You were already too far gone to string together thoughts, let alone coherent sentences.

“Is that a yes?”

You managed to lift your arm and give him a thumbs up.

“I can slow down if you want,” he offered.

“No!” you choked out desperately.

“Do you want me… to go faster?”

“P-please.”

“Fuck, okay, I can do that,” he said, not sounding entirely confident about it.

Your mouth fell open and your eyes rolled back as he gradually built momentum until he was just shy of railing you like a pornstar.  

“Fuck, y/n, your cunt is so goddamn tight.”

You thought you were going to have a stroke hearing the filthy words that were coming out of your best friend’s mouth, and felt yourself clench around his cock.

“Are you close?” Wonwoo panted as his thrusts started getting sloppier.

He obviously wanted you to finish first, but you could tell he was already teetering on the edge. His muscles were taut with restraint and sweat gathered on his brow as he concentrated on holding off.

With a shaky hand he used his thumb to massage your clit, applying just enough pressure to drive you crazy.

“Yes, yes, yes, Wonwoo, I’m so close- I’m-I’m gonna cum,” you whined, feeling yourself start to tip over the edge.

But just before you could, Wonwoo pulled out and finished on your stomach with a moan of your name as streaks of white painted your skin.

He looked so pretty getting off like that that you couldn’t even be mad. The way his whole body tensed in anticipation and his face scrunched up in pleasure, the way his mouth fell open and his bottom lip trembled as he lost himself … you’d be replaying the image in your head for days.

Wonwoo hadn’t even caught his breath before his attention was back on you. He used the same two fingers from before to replace his dick and curled them up towards your g-spot, hitting it over and over and over again until you were falling apart.

Your thighs tightened around Wonwoo’s arm as you came on his fingers and begged him not to stop.

When you came down from your high it took you a second just to remember your own name, not to mention where the fuck you were.

“I’m so sorry,” Wonwoo blurted out. “It was your first time you should’ve cum first, but then you said my name and I couldn’t-”

“Wonwoo, it’s fine,” you assured him and kissed him lightly on the cheek. “It was perfect.”

“No it wasn’t! I wanted it to be special for you.”

“How many people get to lose their virginity on a boat in Greece to their best friend? Sounds pretty special to me.”

“I guess,” he mumbled.

You rolled your eyes. “If it’ll make you feel better, I’ll let you make me cum as many times as you want tonight.”

“You’ll have to be quiet,” he reminded you. “Do you think you can do that?”

You had almost forgotten about Jihoon, Seokmin, and your other friends waiting for you back at the resort. They had all made a last-minute decision not to do the boat trip, electing instead to spend the day by the pool. You and Wonwoo were the only ones too stubborn to cancel the reservation.

It made you wonder what would have happened if the others hadn’t stayed back. If you and Wonwoo weren’t alone on the boat, would you have ever slept together? Would another opportunity have come up, or would you have spent the rest of your life as best friends and nothing more? Were you anything more now?

“Do you think they’ll know?” you asked as pulled your bikini bottoms back on.

“That we slept together?”

“Yeah, something like that.”

“If they don’t figure it out when we get back, I’m sure they’ll get the hint by tomorrow morning.”

“And why’s that?” You raised an eyebrow suspiciously.

“Hotel walls are notoriously thin.”

happy birthday bby <3 lmk what you think i always appreciate feedback!!

wonwoo tags: @wonw00t

send me an ask to be added to my taglist

[save-the-villainous-cat]

Gosh golly I’m so over the moon with your writing! Could I by chance ask for more of the Hero that protected the Villain’s sidekick? Maybe something with both adults discussing who well the teens handled themselves during it all or a good old fashioned ‘enemy tending their rival’s wounds’?

part 1

“I really can’t thank you enough,” the villain mumbled for the umpteenth time. As much as the hero had been surprised about the villain’s wrath, they were just as intrigued by the villain’s gentle hands.

The teenagers had decided to play video games in the villain’s lair and the hero couldn’t deny how jealous they were. They wanted video games at their base too—

“Really, I…They’re like family to me. They’re like my sister’s kid or something. I don’t know what I would have done if they…”

“Yeah, pff. A few broken bones are part of the job. I took them gladly for your sidekick,” the hero looked at the two sidekicks shouting at each other while they stared at the display of the TV.

When their eyes found the villain again, theirs were already fixed on the hero.

“I would rather drive you to the hospital. You look awful. And you are bleeding internally.” The villain took the hero’s hand — also broken — and slowly wrapped the bandages around their bruised fingers. “I know you’ll say know. You have all those guidelines and rules. But I cannot give you the medical care you need.”

“Maybe you can heal me with the power of friendship.”

“Fuck you.”

The hero grinned and thankfully, the villain tried to hide their smile too. An embarrassing silence settled on them and the hero didn’t know if they should let their face relax from the grin yet. The villain saved them the same way they had saved them a few hours ago.

With rawness.

“Why did you sacrifice yourself, though? You didn’t have to. God, the kid isn’t an angel. They can be so fucking annoying at times. So, why?” the villain asked.

The hero didn’t feel like laughing anymore.

“They wouldn’t have deserved it.”

“That’s it?” No. That wasn’t it. It was easy, god, it was so easy for the hero to hide behind humour. To make a terrible joke and light up the mood. To make someone smile even though their punchlines were bad. So, getting questions like these, ripped open ancient wounds that had healed messily. It poked at annual bruises.

“I lost my first sidekick,” the hero eventually confessed. “He was around the same age they are now.”

They nodded towards the teenagers.

“I lost him on a mission and swore to never get assigned to another one. But my agency had other plans. I wanted to quit the program but they didn’t let me.”

The villain had stopped with their fine handiwork. They looked the hero up and down as if they were an entirely new person.

“I didn’t mean to force you to talk about it,” they whispered. The only sounds came from the sidekicks playing their video game. “I’m sorry.”

“I guess something — some protector instinct kicked in. I didn’t get to save my sidekick. They were beaten to death. And I thought I wouldn’t wish that upon my worst enemy.” The villain was studying them and it made the hero’s heart ache to be examined like that. To be examined like the broken thing they still were. “I just saw the metal pipe the kidnappers wanted to use and thought about how I found him, I—”

The hero swallowed. The mantra don’t cry don’t cry shot through their brain. They weren’t allowed to break. They were the lighthearted one. The funny one.

They squeezed their eyes shut and forced a smile. It felt like betraying him.

“I’d do it again. I’d sacrifice myself for our sidekicks anytime.”

[stiltonbasket]

Saber-verse prompt: A meeting between Nie Huaisang and Lan Xichen, after Mingjue's death but before Jingyi's birth. (Probably when NHS first learns about his da-ge's yet-to-be-born child?)

"He is not permitted to die," is the first thing Nie Huaisang says, through teeth clenched so tightly that he can almost feel his jaw cracking. "Aren't your healers supposed to be the best in the world? Make him better!"

"It is not as simple as that, Nie-zongzhu," Yang-yishi says, still frozen in her half-bow. "The damage to Zewu-jun's body was done independently of the little one. There is very little we can do at this point without harming it, so our medics' hands are tied."

Between his hands, the papery silk of Nie Huaisang's gray fan tears neatly in half.

“Why?”

“That is between Zewu-jun and his doctors, Sect Leader Nie. If you want to see him before he falls asleep again, you should go into the hanshi, and not trifle out here with me.”

Nie Huaisang gulps, swallowing mouthfuls of mountain air like a frantic fish out of water, and nods jerkily at Madam Yang before stumbling up into the house. Lan Qiren is still there, laying a wet cloth across Lan Xichen’s pale forehead—sickly pale, Nie Huaisang thinks, and no longer the cool, luminous white of moonlight upon fresh snow—but the effort seems completely pointless. Xichen-ge doesn’t have enough strength left in him to run a fever in the first place, so what was the use of trying to bring his temperature down?

“It’s hot water, but never mind that,” Lan Qiren sighs. “Come in, Nie-gongzi.”

He looks between Nie Huaisang and Xichen-ge’s still body, expecting one of them to speak; but no one does, so Lan Qiren presses a hand to Lan Xichen’s wet hair and kisses his brow before leaving the Hanshi and closing the doors behind him. 

“A-Sang,” Lan Xichen says quietly, a few minutes later. “There is something I must ask of you.”

Nie Huaisang scrubs his eyes with a handkerchief. “What is it?”

“You are Mingjue-xiong’s only heir,” Xichen-ge replies. “If you will it, and it would not be too much of a burden—you have the right to decide how his child should be raised, if I am unable to do it myself.”

The plea cuts like a knife despite its softness, wounding Huaisang to the shards of his crumbled heart, for the hint in Xichen-ge’s words is clear, and too bitter to swallow. “Why wouldn’t you be able to do it yourself?”

“If I am alive by the year’s end, nothing will stop me from raising this baby,” Lan Xichen tells him. “But if I am not, I cannot leave the child to Wangji. He is still weak, and he has A-Yuan to look after—and in the event of my death, he will have no choice but to succeed me as sect master. For my didi’s sake, A-Sang, I hoped—and A-Jue’s child will be your kin, too, so I thought—”

“Will you let me have a say in the baby’s upbringing on da-ge’s behalf either way?”

Lan Xichen blinks at him. “Of course.”

“Then, Xichen-ge, I have to ask—who knows about this, besides Laoshi and Wangji-xiong and those healers outside?”

“Not a soul.”

“You haven’t told san-ge?”

Xichen-ge shakes his head, and the wave of relief that crashes through Nie Huaisang’s mind nearly sends him reeling.

“I’ll take care of the baby for you, if I have to,” he says thickly, “if Wangji-xiong doesn’t stab me with Bichen for even thinking about it. But since you want me to be guardian in da-ge’s place, then I must ask that you keep the truth of his parentage a secret.”

Lan Xichen’s lips part, ready to protest Nie Huaisang’s decision, or else to ask why he made it in the first place; but Nie Huaisang knows without a shadow of a doubt that Jin Guangyao killed his brother, and that the deed was done on Jin Guangshan’s behalf. Jin Guangyao served Da-ge for years before the war, swore an oath of brotherhood with him with heaven and earth as witness, and he thought nothing of breaking that oath in the most cruel of ways--so who was to say that he would not betray Xichen-ge, too, if Jin Guangshan ever demanded it?

If Jin Guangshan should ever order the death of Xichen-ge’s baby, the death of the last trace left of Huaisang’s only brother, Jin Guangyao would not stay his hand.

Nie Huaisang knew enough about his late best friend to know that Wei Wuxian was no demon, no fiend bent on seeking power, and he knows enough about Lan Wangji to know that his son was not born of a hidden wife, but whisked from death’s jaws after the murder of his last father, whom Wangji-xiong must have loved as dearly as his Da-ge loved Lan Xichen.

That child would never have been in danger if Jin Guangyao had an honest bone in his body; so what else is Huaisang to think, save that his unborn nephew will be safest growing up as a nameless Lan disciple, unconnected to his true mother and father, and of so little consequence that he wouldn’t be worth the trouble it would take to get rid of him?

“Xichen-ge, if you promise me this one thing, I won’t ask for anything else,” Huaisang begs, going to his knees on the pale-blue carpet. “Don’t let anyone else know he’s Da-ge’s child. Not your sect, or even san-ge--or even him. You didn’t need Da-ge to have a baby, so there’s no reason for anybody to find out. Raise him as a Lan, here in the Cloud Recesses, and I’ll come to visit him as often as I can.”

Lan Xichen nods, too tired to resist, and Nie Huaisang squeezes his hand to his heart and kisses it before leaving him to the healers.

His nephew is born four weeks later, on the first night of the osmanthus moon, and despite the grim predictions of the Lan sect doctors, both father and child live to see the next morning. Lan Xichen is alive, though weaker and sicker than he has ever been to date; but little Lan Jingyi is stronger than any newborn baby ought to be, and the sight of him clinging to Lan Qiren’s fingers for dear life makes his father and uncles laugh for the first time in over half a year.

Nie Huaisang leaves the Cloud Recesses later that night, returning to the Unclean Realm shortly before dawn: after which he drinks himself stupid, barricades himself in his brother’s room, and buries his face in one of Nie Mingjue’s old sleeping robes.

“Da-ge,” he chokes, as the tears finally begin to slide down his cheeks. “Da-ge, gege, gongxini. Your son was born today.”

[heyiwrotesomethings]

It’s Been Too Long

Shinobu Kochou x She/Her Reader

A/N: Alright Shinobu Community, take a fuckin’ sip babes. It’s kind of a long one. My brain was like, friends to enemies to friends to lovers? To which I replied, this is going to be simultaneously too long and too short. I love me some slow burn but also I can’t justify putting that much time into something like this lol. While writing this I learned that one becomes a Hashira by killing a demon moon OR killing at least fifty demons. I didn't know that before, but I was in too deep to fix things. Y’all are a Kinoe rank that probably should be a Hashira given how much slaying you’ve done, sorry! As far as warnings go, I think we’re good. Unless fighting and misunderstandings aren’t your thing. It’ll all be better in the end though!  Word Count: 15,088 

The estate was dark and bleak. It had rained for nearly a week straight, the patter of water against the solid structure of the tiled roof was a near constant companion to the blank static of despair that clouded everyone’s minds.

Kochou Kanae had died of lethal injuries bequeathed to her by a high ranking demon who had left her to bleed out as the sun made its appearance. Perhaps if it had risen even just a few minutes prior, she could have evaded such a cruel fate.

Shinobu had found her of course, the world is just that cruel, or perhaps kind in giving her sister that closure, to be able to see her one last time before she took her last gurgling breath.

It was appropriate, the rain. After the funeral it was a temporary reminder of the warmth that had been reaped from the estate, never to be felt again in this lifetime. Not that (Y/n), Kanao, Aoi, or the youngest residents of the estate needed a reminder. Shinobu certainly didn’t either.

“Shinobu, you didn’t come to dinner. Please try to eat something.” (Y/n) coaxed, sliding the door open. The only light came from a small lantern inside the swirling gloom of the room, highlighting Shinobu hunched over her desk with her head in her hands. “Shinobu?”

“It’s only been a week.” (Y/n) strained to hear the taut whisper of the girl who had grown to be her closest friend. The girl who had given her a second chance at life when she had nowhere else to go. It hurt to hear her sound so broken. “It feels like time is standing still and going too fast at the same time.”

(Y/n) set the light meal in front of Shinobu and leaned against the desk, the wood creaked slightly as she did so. “I know what you mean. I feel the same.”

It wasn’t the first time they’ve talked like this. To be survivors of such unthinkable atrocities, one could go crazy keeping it all locked inside. The guilt, fear, helplessness... sometimes the memories played on loop night after night, waking up to the screams in their minds making sick harmonies with their own.

“I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.” Shinobu spoke tentatively after a moment of drizzling static tapping against the roof. She raised herself just enough to wrestle a paper out from under her arms and slid it to (Y/n). “Oyakata-sama has sent me a summons to meet with him and the Hashira. He intends for me to take,” Shinobu’s voice grew tighter and she could not bring herself to finish, instead a painful sounding intake of air was all that was audible.

(Y/n) took the paper, holding it close to her face as she squinted, the dull light of the lantern made the letter a bit difficult to read, but the message was clear.

“He wants you to take her place.” (Y/n) frowned, a pained gleam pricked at the corners of her eyes.

“It’s been too long, but yet, not long enough,” Shinobu’s fists tightened, “I know the world hasn’t stopped spinning, demons haven’t stopped killing, but why do they want to replace her so quickly? Why are they willing to toss her aside? I don’t...”

“Shinobu,”

Shinobu finally looked up at (Y/n), angry and mournful tears tracked down her face, “I’m not my sister, I’m not Hashira material. I can’t fill the hole she left, (Y/n)!”

(Y/n) abandoned her perch on the desk to crouch beside Shinobu, enveloping her in her arms. Shinobu tightly grasped her back, watery gasps and sharp inhales fell from her lips as she tried to gain control of her breathing once more.

“Oyakata-sama knows you aren’t Kanae. You’re strong in your own right, Shinobu. He wouldn’t breach the subject if he didn’t think you could succeed by your own merits.”

“I have to keep the estate in order, the infirmary, the girls... I can’t take all this responsibility—“

“You don’t have to,” (Y/n) cut her off, the words came a bit sharper than she meant them too, “you’re not alone Shinobu. We can all have our own parts to play. You don’t have to shoulder this all by yourself.”

“Thank you.” Shinobu’s voice cracked.

They had stayed up well into the night. They hardly talked, the two young girls sat huddled together, holding each other tightly. No matter how much they’ve been hurt, time continues moving forward. Just because a boat has been shredded against a reef, that doesn’t mean the waves will grant reprieve from their assault. No, one is expected to keep swimming or to swallow the salty brine and drown. The Butterfly Estate’s allotted time for grief had passed. Now they were being given the not so subtle command that it was time to get back to work.

***

“I wish you could come with me.” Shinobu said the next morning as she sat on the engawa to put on her shoes. “Even if they made you wait outside I would feel a bit better.”

“You’ll be okay, we’ll be thinking about you all day and waiting for you to come back home.” (Y/n) assured, resting her hand on Shinobu’s back. She was almost afraid to touch the haori Shinobu now adorned, as if her hand would pass right through the material.

(Y/n) was surprised when she saw Shinobu wearing it instead of her usual short white haori, though she supposed there was comfort in holding this piece of her sister close. Perhaps the butterfly patterned haori could comfort Shinobu where (Y/n) and the others could not.

(Y/n) must have been staring too long because Shinobu leaned away from her hand, catching it with her own before (Y/n) could withdraw it completely. Shinobu squeezed the hand a moment, (Y/n) swore her heart froze upon seeing the ghostly smile painted over Shinobu’s lips.

“You’re right. No point in fretting over it, is there?”

“...Right,” (Y/n) blinked, “yeah. You’re going to do great.” (Y/n) managed a smile in return but she could feel the corner of her lips tremble at the effort. She wasn’t sure why, but this smile Shinobu was sporting sent chills down her spine.

“I’ll be off then,” Shinobu stood, releasing (Y/n)’s hand as she stepped away from the engawa, “Do make sure to keep everything in order while I’m away.”

“Of course!” (Y/n) winced at her own volume and Shinobu exhaled a quiet chuckle before turning away to make her way down the path. (Y/n) watched until the haunting haori could no longer be seen between the wisteria trees.

***

It was rather late when Shinobu returned. (Y/n) had just helped the youngest girls of the estate get ready for bed and was heading to the kitchens to prepare some tea to help her sleep. She had jumped in her skin when she saw the back of the butterfly patterned haori in the dim lantern light. Shinobu turned at the sound and sent a small, tired smile (Y/n)’s way.

“I thought I’d catch you here before you turned in for the night.” Shinobu spoke. “You almost always take a cup of tea to bed. I hope you don’t mind having some of what I’ve already prepared.”

It wasn’t the first time Shinobu caught her going to the kitchen to make tea. Though usually it was much later in the dead of night when nightmares and grief kept sleep at bay. (Y/n) wasn’t sure what kind of leaves or brewing Shinobu did, but her tea always managed to knock (Y/n) out cold into deep, dreamless bliss. Something about the way Shinobu was speaking was rubbing (Y/n) the wrong way however. There was none of the familiar attitude. The bashful bitterness that came with the sweetness of the tea. (Y/n) decided to shake it off and returned Shinobu’s tired smile. It would take time for things to seem normal again.

“You know me too well. Thank you.” (Y/n) graciously took the cup, relishing in the cup’s warmth and the relaxing scent that wafted off of the steam. “How did today go?”

“It was... fine.” Shinobu’s smile faltered and she quickly disguised it by sipping her own tea. “I’m officially a Hashira. Insect Pillar Kochou Shinobu.”

“It has a nice ring to it.” (Y/n) put in after a moment’s consideration hidden behind the guise of her clearing her throat. She didn’t know if a ‘congratulations’ would be what Shinobu would want to hear give the circumstances that led up to her new title.

“And how was holding down the fort?” Shinobu asked. It seemed she wanted to shift the topic of conversation away from herself. Not that (Y/n) could blame her.

“Everything went smoothly. Well, Aoi did get a bit aggravated with Kanao about one of her coin decisions but we worked it out. Sumi, Kiyo and Naho are picking up the recovery training lessons quickly and are doing very well. The Kakushi have been taking great care of the infirmary. All patients were still stable last I checked in.” (Y/n) reported.

“Thank you for keeping up with all of that.”

“I have to pull my weight around here somehow.” (Y/n) replied, hiding a yawn behind one hand.

“It’s getting late. You should get to bed before the tea kicks in any further.” Shinobu said, putting her own cup down.

“Aren’t you getting tired too?”

“I made myself a different brew, actually. I’ve got more work to do.” Shinobu allowed herself a little sly smile at the tiny frown (Y/n) wore as she looked into her own empty cup as if it had betrayed her somehow.

“Well, don’t forget you need to sleep too. Don’t overwork yourself.”

“Goodnight, (Y/n).” Shinobu called over her shoulder. She was already walking out of the kitchen.

“I mean it Shinobu. Promise me you’ll sleep tonight.” (Y/n) gently demanded, slipping into the hall to fall in step beside Shinobu.

“I’ll promise to try. Is that acceptable?” Shinobu asked, a bit of familiar snark came through and it made (Y/n) relax a bit and nod.

“Alright. Goodnight, Shinobu.”

At the end of the hall they broke off in different directions. Shinobu to the lab and (Y/n) to her room.

***

(Y/n) went through most of her morning routine before going out of her way to find the newly appointed Hashira. She hadn’t seen her since they parted last night. (Y/n) groaned inwardly, already assuming she’d find the young scientist still balancing equations and mixing beakers.

(Y/n) adjusted her butterfly hairpin before knocking her knuckles against the door, waiting for a reply.

“Shinobu?” (Y/n) had called out after another knock led to no reply. (Y/n) frowned and slid the door open of her own volition, closing it behind her once she was inside. It didn’t take long for her to find the exhausted girl hunched over an array of papers, dead asleep.

“When I told you to go to sleep last night, I had your own bed in mind, not a desk.” (Y/n) sighed quietly.

(Y/n) startled at another knock at the door.

“Who is it?” She asked, keeping her voice soft as to not disturb Shinobu.

“It’s Hayato, miss.” The muffled voice called. Ah, one of the Kakushi. “Kochou-sama has guests to attend to.”

“Set them up in the garden with tea, please. Kochou-sama will meet them just as soon as she finishes these papers.” (Y/n) said. It would not do to have news of the young master of the estate sleeping so late in the morning, and at her desk no less.

The Kakushi dismissed himself to carry out his orders and (Y/n)’ shoulders relaxed as his footprints faded down the hall. (Y/n) didn’t want to wake Shinobu, but if her presence was required, then the meeting must be important.

“Hey, Shinobu,” (Y/n) called softly, gently shaking Shinobu’s shoulders, “you have guests that need to see you.”

Shinobu managed to curl further into herself, mumbling a few curses under her breath that (Y/n) couldn’t help but giggle at.

“Maybe you’d feel better if you had actually gone to bed instead of passing out like this.”

“Who is it, what do they need?” Shinobu grumped, sitting up to stretch her abused spine.

“I’m not sure. A Kakushi came by to tell you about them. I asked him to set them up in the garden with tea.”

“Thank you for taking care of that,” Shinobu rubbed her eyes and stood, her chair scratching against the floor, “I should get going then.”

“Let me fix your hair quick at least.” (Y/n) said, already freeing Shinobu of her own butterfly clip. “Hold still.”

“It’s a little hard when you keep tugging your fingers through my hair.” Shinobu winced.

“Sorry, just a second.” (Y/n) spoke around the butterfly wing that she held between her lips as her fingers worked to gather Shinobu’s hair. Once Shinobu’s hair was neatly clipped back into place, (Y/n) circled her and smoothed out the wrinkles in Shinobu’s clothes the best she could before finally backing away with a satisfied nod.

“Are you done yet?” Shinobu asked, a faint dusting of blush powdered her cheeks.

“Yeah, you still look tired, but at least you look a little more presentable.” (Y/n) said, opening the lab door and ushering Shinobu through it.

“Presentable.” Shinobu scoffed. “Come with me to the garden?”

“I don’t know if that would be appropriate. I’m not sure who is visiting.”

“Just make yourself busy in the blooms. You live here, you can go where you please.”

“Okay, I’ll come.”

The young girls made their way outside, it was warm and sunny, a bit humid as well after all the rain the week before. The sweet smell of the flowers invited deeper breaths to swallow up the scent into every bronchiole of their lungs.

(Y/n) broke off from Shinobu with a little wave, giving a respectful acknowledgment to the people waiting with their tea before busying herself with the flora. Checking on the quality of the plants as Kanae had taught her. The memories spent with the older girl who had taught her so much made (Y/n) shiver despite the warmth of the sun beating down.

(Y/n) would on occasion, discreetly observe the progression of the meeting. The smile Shinobu wore as she spoke to the visitors unnerved her. Even just the way Shinobu was holding herself now, prim and proper, (Y/n) wondered what they could possibly be talking about.

Then the familiar cawing of a crow circling over her head broke (Y/n) from her thoughts. She released her gentle grip over the flower she had stopped to smell and craned her neck to see her crow calling out to her. A mission, her heartbeat picked up in pace. She hadn’t been on one since a few days before Kanae’s death. How out of practice could she be?

“Pardon the noise,” (Y/n) bowed. The meeting had paused in their hushed conversation to observe the bird as well. (Y/n) hardly gave Shinobu a glance as she past. Her fingers trembling slightly as she made her way back inside to retrieve her nichirin blade from her room. (Y/n)’s mind buzzed and her crow’s caws sounded muted and muffled, far away. She kept walking, willing her breaths to remain controlled. Her concentration broke as a hand reached out from behind her and tugged her back.

(Y/n) turned to meet Shinobu’s eyes. Though more subdued, the concern she saw there was genuine.

“(Y/n), I kept telling you to stop. Are you listening to me?”

“I’m sorry, I guess I was just focusing on the mission ahead.”

Shinobu breathed deeply releasing the air in a shaky exhale before gripping (Y/n)’s face in one hand, surprising her.

“No you weren’t.” Shinobu’s grip was firm, “You need to concentrate on your surroundings. I was almost yelling at you just now. I need to know you are going to be able to keep your head about you out there.”

(Y/n) tried to nod her head but Shinobu’s hand kept her head in place.

“I need to hear you say it.” Shinobu said.

“I can keep my head. I will.” (Y/n) swallowed uncomfortably.

Shinobu searched (Y/n)’s face, slowly releasing her grip from (Y/n)‘s jaw and instead grabbed at the neck of (Y/n)’s uniform pulling her so close their noses bumped.

“You better,” She spoke softly.

“I will,” (Y/n) repeated.

Shinobu untensed, her fingers released (Y/n)’s uniform and she wrapped her arms around her in a tight hug that (Y/n) quickly reciprocated.

“Your meeting,” (Y/n) recalled after a moment.

“I asked to be excused. I’m the master of the estate, I can get away with escaping for for a few minutes.”

“I wouldn’t make a habit out of it if I were you.” (Y/n) attempted to joke.

“Only when it matters.” Shinobu nodded seriously, causing (Y/n)’s heart to leap.

(Y/n)’s crow cawed impatiently and the girls parted. (Y/n) left to retrieve her blade and Shinobu watched her back as she left, her hands clenched into tight fists beneath the sleeves of her sister’s haori.

***

Night after night, the missions kept coming. (Y/n) had begun to wonder if she’d ever get to go home again as days became weeks. Scattered letters between waves of demon slaying were the best she could manage to make sure everyone back home knew she was alright.

Another night, a new moon. A few more nights and it would be a full month since she’d last seen everyone. She was glad she took the time to say goodbye before she left. She never imagined she’d be asked to work for so long without reprieve.

Another well timed flower breathing technique beheads another demon and (Y/n) falls against the trunk of a tree breathing hard. She is uninjured but greatly fatigued. The thought to sit and rest hardly enters her mind before her crow commands her eastward to eliminate another threat before dawn.

Breath after breath, technique after technique, night after night (Y/n) fought until everything ached and beyond. When she saw the the sun peak out over the horizon it was almost enough to bring (Y/n) to tears, but she never faltered. She had to stay strong. This was the life she chose to pursue. To save people from the same fate that befallen so many people she had cared about.

It was during an exceptionally hot day when the sun was at its highest point that (Y/n) flinched awake at the shrill squawks she had grown to loathe.

“What?” She hissed between her teeth, her fingers knotting in the grass that had served as her bed for the day.

“Return home to the Butterfly Estate! Return home to recover and rest! Await further instruction!”

(Y/n) lifted herself to rest on her elbows to stare wide-eyed at the bird sitting in the tree branch overhead. For the first time in that very long month, she allowed the tears to finally fall.

***

(Y/n) felt nervous coming back after so long. She opted to return from the rear entrance in an attempt to not garner too much attention. She allowed herself a tentative smile as the gardens came into view. Her fingers skimmed across the colorful blooms as she walked, freezing up only when she saw Shinobu collecting herbs in the distance. Her foot snapped a twig, alerting Shinobu to glance behind her.

“Hi, stranger.” Shinobu simpered, getting to her feet. “Oh!”

(Y/n) forgot all her previous worries and jogged up to Shinobu, picking her up with the added strength that she had built up in her month long absence and twirled her around with abandon.

“(Y/n)?” Shinobu chuckled with surprise, bracing her arms around (Y/n)‘s shoulders as she was flung around.

“I missed you!” (Y/n) sniffled, finally putting the girl down but still holding her tightly.

“I missed you too.” Shinobu said, rubbing (Y/n)’s back. “What took so long getting back, hm?”

“Mission after mission after mission.” came (Y/n)’s bitter reply. “I actually cried when my crow told me I could come home... I don’t know why I told you that. That’s embarrassing.”

Shinobu laughed, pulling back from (Y/n) to get a good look at her. “My, (Y/n), I can tell your time away had made you stronger. Even if you are still a bit of a crybaby.”

“Hey!” (Y/n) pouted.

“(Y/n) is back!”

“Woah!”

(Y/n) was sent stumbling backward a few steps by three blurs of white. Naho, Sumi and Kiyo spoke a mile a minute filling in (Y/n) on all the goings on of the estate. Aoi and Kanao came by soon after and gave (Y/n) their own greetings, expressing their happiness over the slayer’s return in their own ways.

It was good to be home, it was. But after a few days, (Y/n) really got a chance to see how different Shinobu had become.

The tone of her voice carried like a soft breeze and a polite smile could always be seen on her lips. Aoi reminded (Y/n) more of the Shinobu she remembered than the current Shinobu before her. It unnerved her. The way Shinobu would tilt her head just so and giggle daintily into her hand... it was like staring at a ghost.

(Y/n) thought she could get over the change, but she simply couldn’t. Not when staring into those dark, purple eyes. Oh, how they swirled with anger and despair. If Shinobu couldn’t fully believe in the persona she had crafted for herself, then (Y/n) wouldn’t either. Late one night while helping Shinobu in the lab, (Y/n) finally decided to confront her.

“Why do you keep smiling like that?” (Y/n) frowned, worrying the page of the textbook before her between her fingers.

“Hm? I’m afraid I don’t quite know what you mean.” Shinobu replied casually, smile still firmly in place as she crushed some herbs under her pestle.

“You do too know what I mean,” (Y/n) eyebrows furrowed slightly in aggravation, “why do you keep smiling like you’re okay when you’re clearly not?”

“What have I said or done that makes you think I’m not okay? I’m perfectly fine, (Y/n),” she chuckled, “you worry for nothing.”

“That mask might have everyone else fooled... or maybe they’re just complacent, but I’m tired of pretending nothing is wrong. Talk to me, Shinobu.”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Shinobu shook her head, “there is nothing to discuss. Perhaps I’ve kept you up too late.”

“You shouldn’t have to hide what you’re truly feeling,” (Y/n) persisted, “not from me at least. I thought we were friends.”

“We are.” Shinobu’s tone was nearly clipped as she crushed the herbs a bit more vigorously.

“Then stop acting so, so fake!” (Y/n) spat, wincing almost immediately as fast has the words came out. There was probably a better way she could have said that. Before she could apologize and try again, Shinobu put the pestle on the table with a harsh clink and stalked over to where (Y/n) was sitting. Fighting to keep her tone in check, she stared (Y/n) down with that plastic smile and spoke in a low, hushed tone that filled (Y/n)’s veins with ice.

“So I’m fake, is that right? People change, (Y/n). You were gone for a month, you can’t expect everyone to wait for you, to not change or grow in your absence.”

“People change, yes,” (Y/n) swallowed tightly at the proximity, “but whatever this is Shinobu, I really don’t think it’s healthy. I can tell you’re bottling something up. Kanae—”

“Leave.”

“...what?”

“Leave,” Shinobu closes the textbook in front of (Y/n) and although she does so with care, the sound is deafening in (Y/n)’s ears, “I don’t care where you go, just get out of my lab. I’ve had my fill of this mindless chatter.”

“Are you being serious right now?” (Y/n) clenched her fists and stood from her chair, the legs slid roughly against the wood below.

“Yes, I don’t have time for immature children right now I’m afraid.” Came Shinobu’s airy reply.

“Immature— stop acting like you know better than me, we’re both kids, we’re fourteen!“ (Y/n) seethes, “I’m worried about you! I care about you! Don’t you get it?”

“Your worry is unfounded. It’s late and you are being of no help to me like this so I’ll ask you once more, leave.”

(Y/n) felt heat pricking the corners of her eyes. “I feel like I don’t know who you are anymore.” She breathed. “But fine, I’ll leave if that’s what you want.”

“At this moment in time, I couldn’t ask for anything better.” Shinobu replied, turning her back to (Y/n) to continue what she had previously been working on.

Once (Y/n) shut the door with finality and her quick footsteps became softer as she ran down the hall, Shinobu exhaled harshly, gripping the pestle tightly in her hand as she mercilessly pounded the dried herbs into dust.

“Only immature people don’t control their emotions... only immature people...”

As Shinobu repeated her mantra, (Y/n) burst into her room and looked around her. With trembling hands she changed into a fresh uniform and packed a small bag of belongings and slinging it over her shoulder. She grabbed her haori and attached her nichirin blade to her hip.

She looked around the room once more and caught her reflection in the little hand mirror on her desk, catching the bright colors of a wing that secured her hair in place. She reached back, freeing her hair from the clip and stared at it. She ran her thumb over the decorative clip before setting it on the desk. She reached for a plain hair band and tied her hair back with that instead.

(Y/n) left her room, sparing one last hurt glance at the butterfly clip before exiting the estate grounds. Before long, her crow circled overhead and (Y/n) held her arm out for the bird to take perch. The crow cawed at her expectantly, questioning her.

“If she wants me to leave, then what else is there to do?” (Y/n) shuddered in the wind. She turned away from the estate, willing herself not to turn back.

“Where will you go?” The crow asked.

“...I don’t know.”

With every step leaving the warmth of the estate farther behind, (Y/n)’s heart grew heavier in her chest.

***

“Have any of you seen (Y/n) today?” Shinobu asked the girls once they had come back in after hanging the laundry out to dry.

A chorus of negatives and head shakes met her and she sighed inwardly. “Very well then. Thank you.”

Shinobu traveled through the maze of hallways that made up her home, easily finding herself in front of (Y/n)’s door, knocking politely. With no reply, Shinobu forced herself not to roll her eyes and opened the door.

“(Y/n), if this is about last night...” Shinobu blinked at the empty room. Futon made, clean floors, not a thing out of place, but no (Y/n).

“Perhaps she’s out training.” Shinobu said to herself. She was about to close the door and head off into the gardens when a glint from the desk caught her eye and she approached. A soft gasp left her lips as she picked up the hairpin. Cradling it in her hands, Shinobu forced her breaths to remain controlled. (Y/n) had never gone a day without wearing the pin since the Kochou sisters gifted it to her.

In the safety of the empty room, Shinobu allowed herself to slump over the desk. She held the discarded hairpin close to her chest, immediately understanding what this small symbol meant. Yes, she knew what it meant, she just wished to know why. She fought against the waves, against the feeling that she was drowning again.

***

Four years was a long time, and if you asked (Y/n), the demon slayer would say that was especially true with her line of work. The demons were never the same, but the routine in between was lonely and dull. Kill a demon, settle down at an inn or in the trees for the day, move to the next village and repeat. Sometimes the stays were longer, but that was the gist of it.

(Y/n) kept to herself most of the time. There wasn’t really a point in making anything more than loose acquaintances with the constant traveling and dangers her work presented. Even on the few missions she had been paired up with other slayers in the area, she focused on the job at hand before quickly making her way to her next assignment. That started to change after she met Kamado Tanjirou and his demon sister Nezuko.

They did not get off on the right foot to say the least.

(Y/n) had been sent to the same location as the young slayer for a mission and knew something was off about him right away. Something off with that box he carried around anyway. (Y/n) opted to let him be for the time being, focusing on the mission ahead. Skip forward to the heat of battle, and (Y/n) could hardly believe her eyes when a demon burst from the boy’s box to attack another demon that had snuck around Tanjirou’s back.

(Y/n) had no time to watch and focus on this new development at the moment, she had her own demons to take care of. Her flower breathing techniques weaved through her enemies and heads went flying. Before long, the mission was completed and (Y/n) turned to the boy breathing heavily in the dirt with the demon from the box hovering over him looking at (Y/n) with curious eyes.

“You’re really skilled, (Y/n)-san!” Tanjirou praised, somehow unaware of the danger his sister was in, “You don’t even look like you’re out of breath.”

“I’ve been doing this for years. I know a lot. For instance,” (Y/n) spoke, her face stern as stone as she readied her blade, startling Tanjirou, “every demon must be destroyed.” She went in with a quick slash aimed at the demon’s neck  only to pause at the last second when the foolish younger boy leapt to his feet to shield the demon from the blow.

“What are you doing?” (Y/n) asked sternly.

“Wait, she’s my sister! She’s a good demon!”

“I shouldn’t have to tell you that what you are doing is against corps rules. I can sympathize with wanting to hold onto your loved ones, but there is no such thing as a good demon. Step aside.”

“No, Nezuko has never eaten a human and she never will!” Tanjirou held his ground while his sister growled at (Y/n) from behind him.

(Y/n) rolled her eyes. “Alright then,” she said with a sarcastic sweetness, “prove it.”

“What?” Tanjirou blinked.

“Prove it, take off the muzzle. Let’s see if she has as much control as you claim she does.”

“But—“

“It shouldn’t be a problem, right? If she’s as docile as you claim what’s the issue?”

Tanjirou grit his teeth and gently pulled the muzzle to rest around his sister’s neck. (Y/n) stepped forward, her face inches away from the demon. She wasn’t worried, if the demon lunged for her she was confident she could slice its head the moment the air changed.

“Well demon?” (Y/n) sighed, surprising Tanjirou by slicing the pad of her thumb on her sharp blade, “hungry?”

To Nezuko’s credit, she hardly flinched. However, her eyes followed the path of the blood and a small trickle of drool slid past her lips. (Y/n) taunted her a bit further, waving the bloodied hand in front of her nose, still Nezuko held strong and even went as far as turning away.

“...I must say, I’m rather impressed,” (Y/n) finally spoke, stepping back from the demon and licking at her own wound, “marechi blood such as my own usually makes the demons go crazy,” she turns back to Tanjirou, “still, you must know that keeping a demon alive like this, especially as a slayer, is dangerous for both of you.”

“I know,” Tanjirou bowed his head.

“Well,” (Y/n) stretched and sighed, “as long as you know I guess it’s your own problem.”

“Huh?”

“Yeah, just don’t call me out if a Hashira finds you out. I don’t feel like dying a disgrace.” (Y/n) waved him off. “You’re going to have to work even harder and be more discreet. That’s my advice to you.” And (Y/n) was going to leave it at that and walk away, but then her crow chanted in tandem with Tanjirou’s, calling them to continue forward together. (Y/n)′s eye twiched at the grating sounds.

“It looks like we’ll still be working together for some time, (Y/n)-san!” Tanjirou smiled, catching the older girl off guard by the sincerity behind it. You’d think he’d be more put off considering (Y/n) was planning to kill his sister not five minutes ago.

“I suppose we are.”

“Say, (Y/n)-san, you’re strong. You can help me get stronger too, right?”

“Mm!”

“Hey, get her off of me!” (Y/n) momentarily panicked as the demon wrapped her arms around her waist.

“Nezuko, manners!”

(Y/n) wasn’t sure what she had done to get saddled with the strange siblings, but she could tell her job just went above her pay grade.

***

As it turns out, the Kamado siblings weren’t so bad. In fact, (Y/n) was starting to get really attached to the two. It was when Inosuke and Zenitsu were pulled into their little group, that was when (Y/n) realized she didn’t know what true pain was.

“(Y/n)-san, marry me!”

“Flower Girl, fight me!”

All damn day and night.

(Y/n) thought she’d finally have reprieve once Tanjirou had healed up at the Wisteria House, but of course the two boisterous boys were being sent with them to their next mission, Natagumo Mountain.

Zenitsu cowered at the forest edge and (Y/n) felt no remorse in leaving him behind as she sprinted ahead of Inosuke and Tanjirou, freeing the puppeted Mizunoto slayers.

Eventually they had been split off from each other to fight their own battles. (Y/n) was tired but otherwise unharmed, surprised when a small Nezuko came barreling into her.

“Nezu—?” (Y/n) gasped as the air shifted above her and she dodged the quick swipe aimed at the tiny body that clung to her. She quickly pivoted, blade in hand, and crossed swords with the assailant her eyes blowing wide at the placid face in front of her.

“Kanao?!” (Y/n) yelled out, the nostalgia and adrenaline coursing through her body was an odd, slightly terrifying combination.

Kanao tilted her head, her lips parted ever so slightly as recognition gleamed in her eyes. Despite this, Kanao did have a mission to complete and (Y/n) was keeping her from completing her orders. She continued swiping at the older girl she used to know, trying to behead the demon she could not fathom why she was protecting.

(Y/n) parried and blocked best she could, taking a defensive approach while she tried to talk Kanao down. She didn’t want to hurt Kanao, but she didn’t want Nezuko to be killed either.

Finally a saving grace, a crow swooping by with a message that saved Nezuko’s neck. (Y/n) sighed in relief as Kanao pulled back. Still looking at (Y/n) she pointed to the small demon that had wrapped herself tightly over (Y/n)’s back.

“Is this Nezuko?” She asked looking for a positive ID on the demon in question.

“Yes.” (Y/n) easily replied.

“Come with me then.” Kanao said, already corralling (Y/n) and her demon backpack in the direction of the forest edge.

(Y/n) walked alongside her a bit begrudgingly. If she made a break for it, she could have probably gotten away, but it was very likely Tanjirou and the others were already in custody. The best chance they had now was to do as they were told and hope Nezuko’s resolve would stand firm.

So (Y/n) hid Nezuko in her haori as the sun began to peak over the hills and followed Kanao to the clearing of bustling Kakushi. On the way, she began preparing her story for the trial she was sure her little team was bound to endure.

She was immediately broken from her thoughts at the ethereal sight of the Insect Pillar emerging from another point of the woods with the Water Pillar and a badly beaten Tanjirou on his back.

(Y/n)’s breath caught in her throat as those deep, dark eyes found hers at it was like time was at a stand still. At least it would have been if not for Shinobu steadily making her way towards her, her expression painfully impassive beyond the small upturn of her lips. Shinobu kept coming until she was directly in front of (Y/n).

Nezuko stirred in her sleep, clutching at (Y/n)’s back as if she could sense anxiety in the slayer’s heart. The demon was the only thing grounding her at this point as Shinobu tilted her head, an almost sinister look in her eye as she observed the small demon bundle protected by (Y/n)’s haori. All too soon, her cold eyes found their way back to (Y/n)’s and she spoke.

“I’m not going to have to tie you up, am I?”

(Y/n) closed her eyes briefly and tried to take a calming breath. With a short, almost imperceivable shake of her head, she hoarsely replied.

“No.”

“Let’s try to keep it that way then.”

Shinobu and Kanao had let (Y/n) help Nezuko into her box, but then they immediately separated the two, having a Kakushi carry the box with a wary look in her eyes. (Y/n) did her best not to look behind her where Kanao and Shinobu walked, no doubt watching her for any sign of flight.

She gulped, eyes nervously shifting to the Water Pillar walking beside her, and the Kakushi who was now carrying Tanjirou in his stead. The Water Pillar spared her an emotionless glance as he forged ahead.

“Is he going to be alright?” She asked in a hushed tone.

Enough time had passed after her question that (Y/n) had figured the man wasn’t in the mood to talk, understandably so, but (Y/n) was worried about the state Tanjirou was in. She nearly jumped out of her skin when he actually answered her minutes later.

“That will all depend on how the trial goes.”

(Y/n) felt dread pool in her stomach as they continued to march down the mountain.

***

The garden of the Master’s estate would have been lovely on any other occasion, but (Y/n) could only bring herself to stare at the pebbles below her knees and Tanjirou passed out at her side. They had taken Nezuko somewhere else in the meantime, she could only hope they would let the demon be, let her prove herself in front of them instead of killing her on principle.

(Y/n) could feel that Shinobu was standing just behind her but she dared not engage. Four years of silence between the two and a trial for treason in the highest regard had brought them together again. (Y/n) wanted to scream.

Finally Tanjirou began to stir and (Y/n) allowed herself to push away her turmoil to rouse the younger boy gently. The last thing they needed was for him to be all up in arms before the trial even officially began.

“(Y/n)-san,” Tanjirou winced, “where are we? Where is Nezuko?”

“We’re at the Demon Slayer Headquarters,” (Y/n) replied, her voice was hardly above a whisper as she felt the pressure of all the Hashira’s eyes boring into them, “I don’t know where they’re keeping Nezuko, but right now you need to focus on the trial ahead.”

“The trial?”

“For harboring a demon, Tanjirou.”

“I wouldn’t bother trying to justify it! A crime as heinous as yours only ends one way!” Rengoku Kyojirou loudly proclaimed, rallying a range of replies from his fellow pillars.

“Now that he’s finally awake to witness his punishment, let’s behead these traitors and the demon and get on with our lives.” Uzui Tengen added.

“Please,” (Y/n) forced her voice not to waiver, “allow him to explain the situation at least—“

“You’re in no position to be asking for favors, girl.” Obanai Iguro cut her off, glaring down at her from where he lounged on a tree branch. “You had best hold your tongue. A slayer at your rank should be ashamed. I’m surprised you haven’t already sliced yourself open for the embarrassment you’ve brought to the corps.”

“Iguro-san!” Kanroji gasped at the harsh words.

“Who are these people, (Y/n)-san?” Tanjirou groaned, noticing for the first time that his hands were tied tightly behind his back.

“Tanjirou, are you serious?” (Y/n)’s tone was hushed and urgent, “they’re the Hashira! You know, best of the demon slayers?”

“I don’t know, umph!” (Y/n) hastily covered his mouth, a nervous sweat gathered at her brow.

“Just try to be respectful, will you? You already broke the thin ice you’ve been traveling on, let’s try not to drown as well!”

“This isn’t right, (Y/n)-san! Where is Nezuko? Zenitsu? Inosuke? Murata?” Tanjirou spoke out, his voice heavy with emotion as he fought his way up to his knees.

“What I want to know is why we haven’t tied Tomioka or the Kinoe ranked slayer.” Obanai sneered from his tree, ignoring Tanjirou’s desperate tone. “They are both part of the boy’s schemes and should be punished as such. How are we going to teach them a lesson?”

“Oh they’ll be fine,” (Y/n) shivered hearing Shinobu speak above her from where she knelt in the pebbles, “we’ll come up with a penalty later.”

(Y/n) froze, her eyes refused to look up beyond the feet that stood before Tanjirou and herself.

“What I’m interested right now, is hearing this boy’s story.” Shinobu said. “He’s been traveling with a demon all this time, and I wish to hear why. It must be quite the tale to have Tomioka-san break ranks,” the feet take a step closer and Shinobu’s voice dropped in volume, “and you as well, (Y/n).”

(Y/n) tightened her grip over her pant leg, still refusing to look up. She could imagine an array of expressions her old friend could be wearing right now that could cut her deeper than any blade. Pity, anger, disgust, smugness, apathy, that blank smile... no, (Y/n) couldn’t bear to look up.

“So why, Kamado Tanjirou?” Shinobu asked.

“Who cares?” Uzui scoffed from a few yards away, yet he waited for the boy to explain himself.

“She’s my—“ he broke into a fit of coughs and (Y/n) tried to soothe his back, telling him to breathe.

Shinobu stooped down, a gourd of water in hand, offering the water to Tanjirou and finally catching (Y/n)’s eyes as the boy drank the medicated water. When Shinobu’s eyes returned to Tanjirou, (Y/n) remembered how to breathe.

“She’s my little sister!” Tanjirou proclaimed. “She’s never hurt anyone and she never will!”

A few of the Hashira began casting their doubt, but Tanjirou powered through.

“I became a slayer to find a cure for her! In two whole years since she became a demon, she’s never eaten a single person! Let her continue to fight by my side!”

“Well, well, looks like the fun’s already starting.”

(Y/n) turned her head and her breathing hitched. Of course the Wind Pillar of all people would get his hands on Nezuko’s box.

“Is this the boy who has been traveling with a demon? Just what the hell do you think you’re doing?” Shinazugawa asked with a sinister grin.

“Please put down the box Shinazugawa-sama!” The Kakushi (Y/n) recalled to have prior possession of the box pleaded.

“Shinazugawa, please do not act out of line.” Shinobu warned.

“Nah, run that by me again, kid?” Sanemi jeered, holding the box precariously in one hand, “fighting alongside a demon? Impossible, you idiot!”

Tanjirou and (Y/n) called out in horror as the Hashira rammed his blade clean through the box, skewering Nezuko.

Tanjirou scrambled to his feet and lunged at Sanemi, (Y/n) was about to get to her feet as well, but Shinobu held her firmly in place, clutching (Y/n)’s arm tightly while shooting her a warning glance.

(Y/n) could only watch, mouth agape, as Tanjirou head butted Shinazugawa to the ground.

Mitsuri attempted to stifle a snort, covering her face in her hands.

“If you can’t tell the difference between good demons and bad ones, then you don’t deserve to be a Hashira!” Tanjirou yelled.

“We’re doomed.” (Y/n) whispered weakly. She felt as if all her blood was sinking to her knees, sinking as fast as their chance of forgiveness down the drain.

Before Sanemi could retaliate, a couple of Oyakata-sama’s children announced the Master’s arrival. (Y/n) was quick to follow Shinobu in a bow, wincing when she heard what could only be Sanemi pounding Tanjirou into the rocks, forcing him to bow.

“Hello everyone,” Oyakata-sama addressed the garden, his voice carried in the warm breeze, “how good it feels to have you all here.”

Sanemi greeted the Master, formally asking for an explanation. If not for the seriousness of the moment, (Y/n) would have rolled her eyes.

“The Kamado siblings have been sanctioned, you see. I request you all respect that.” Oyakata stated simply.

An array of mostly negative objections arose at this ending with Sanemi calling for punishments for Tanjirou, (Y/n), and Giyuu.

The Master stood silently for a moment before asking one of his children to read a letter aloud. A letter from a previous Hashira, detailing Nezuko’s history. The letter also revealing that should Nezuko fail; Urokodaki, Tanjirou, and Giyuu would atone through seppuku.

A few of the Hashira were still willing to speak against such a plan, swearing that it was not a risk worth taking. Once there was a lull in their heated remarks,  Ubuyashiki saw fit to address (Y/n).

“(Y/n), my child.”

(Y/n)’s head jutted up at the sudden call of attention to her presence. “Ye— yes, Master?”

“Why do you think that of the squad that has been built around you, only you are here?” Oyakata-sama asked with an warm smile.

“I would suppose it would be because I should know better than a ragtag group of Mizunoto, Master.” came (Y/n)’s subdued reply.

“I would hope so.” The Master chuckled, causing heat to bloom across (Y/n)’s cheeks. “Why didn’t you kill the demon?”

“I was going to, but she proved herself to me,” (Y/n) began speaking more evenly as she recalled the moment, “I presented her with my blood, my rare blood, and she turned away. I have traveled with the Kamado siblings for weeks and not once had Nezuko hurt anyone. She protects people, she sleeps to replenish energy. Based on everything I have observed, I believe in Nezuko. I believe in Tanjirou.”

“Would you stake your life on this along with the others listed here today?” Oyakata-sama asked.

(Y/n) breathed in, firmly nodding her head. Her eyes meeting Ubuyashiki’s milky blank one’s despite his lack of vision.

“Yes, I would.”

Shinobu’s hold on (Y/n)’s bicep curled. (Y/n) hadn’t realized she had still been holding her down.

“And here we have three, now four, people willing to take responsibility for this demon. What say you, my children?” The Master asked the Hashira warmly.

“Forgive me Master, but this is not a matter of numbers!” Sanemi yelled, “Demons are sick creatures that need to be put down and I’ll prove it to you now!”

Sanemi sliced his arm, much more blood than (Y/n) had conjured with the small cut to her thumb that she had presented to Nezuko. She and Tanjirou watched as the blood dripped to the box, staining the lacquered wood.

“No good doing this in the light.” Obanai said, “it won’t come out unless it’s dark.”

Sanemi dashed to the shaded engawa, enticing Nezuko to come out with another stab at the box.

“No!” Tanjirou yelled, he made to scramble to the engawa, but was quickly subdued by Obanai.

“Stop!” (Y/n) echoed Tanjirou’s sentiments, pulling against Shinobu’s hold. “Why are you being so needlessly cruel?”

Sanemi ignored them, a wicked grin on his face as he watched Nezuko emerge from the box, growling lowly.

“Well then, demon?” He sneered, holding out his arm.

(Y/n) could tell Nezuko was straining against the pull of the marechi blood. With all of the injuries she had sustained working against her as well, it couldn’t be easy for the demon to hold back.

“Nezuko!” Tanjirou wheezed as Obanai was pincering his lung painfully with his elbow.

“Kamado-kun,” Shinobu addressed, “don’t struggle too much while in that hold, your lung might burst.”

Tanjirou only struggled harder, surprising everyone when he broke through his rope restraints and stumbled towards the engawa. Tomioka stopped Obanai from pinning him again.

“Nezuko!” Tanjirou called again.

His voice seemed to finally break through to Nezuko and after a few tense moments, she turned away from Sanemi in disgust.

(Y/n) couldn’t help the relieved smile that overtook her lips.

Once the scene was relayed to the Master, he seemed pleased with the report. He told Tanjirou that although Nezuko had done well to prove herself, they would need to grow even stronger before they could be fully accepted by the others. With that wisdom, he said they were free to go.

(Y/n) startled as Shinobu finally let her go, raising her arm to speak. “If all is well then Oyakata-sama, allow me to provide lodging for them.”

Both (Y/n) and Tanjirou seemed a bit wary of this sudden hospitality, (Y/n) even more so, but if Shinobu noticed or cared she didn’t show it, signaling the Kakushi who had been standing by to gather the injured boy and the demon.

The Kakushi tasked with carrying Nezuko seemed a bit frightened of the little demon kneeling in her box, so naturally (Y/n) rose to carry her instead.

“I’ve got her.” She smiled kindly and reached for the box and secured it shut, but not before giving the demon girl a few well earned head pats that rose Nezuko’s mood greatly.

Another Kakushi picked up Tanjirou then (Y/n) and the two Kakushi quickly made their retreat. That is, until Tanjirou bursted back into the garden asking to headbutt Sanemi.

“Please excuse us!” (Y/n) and the two Kakushi bowed deeply once they got him back under control and sped off twice as fast. (Y/n) and the Kakushi running beside her berated Tanjirou from where he sat on the other Kakushi’s back for such a disrespectful display after being allowed the impossible. 

When they reached the Butterfly Estate, (Y/n)’s heart squeezed in her chest. The grounds looked to be near the same as the night she had left. No one was there to greet them at the door, so they went around the gardens and found Kanao standing amongst the butterflies.

“Hi, Kanao.” (Y/n) greeted the younger girl bashfully. Now that they weren’t battling over keeping Nezuko’s head, (Y/n) finally took in how much she had grown in four years.

Kanao stayed silent, a serene smile on her lips as she merely observed the group that had approached her.

“What are you all here for?” A sharp voice called from behind them, causing the Kakushi to jump and spin to quickly explain they were here to put Tanjirou in the infirmary.

“Well then come with me...” Aoi’s words trailed off a bit once her eyes found (Y/n)’s face.

“Hi Aoi,” (Y/n) gave a nervous half wave, “you’ve gotten a bit taller.”

Aoi marched straight up to (Y/n) and berated her with a barrage of small fists pounding painlessly against her chest. “What would you expect after being gone so long!” She sniffed, “Four years without a single letter or visit? We thought you were dead, idiot!”

“(Y/n)-san? Do you know these people?” Tanjirou asked from Gotou’s back.

“Yeah, I uh, sorta used to live here.” (Y/n) replied, allowing Aoi to continue hitting her to her heart’s content.

“‘Sorta used to live here’, you’re family! You have always had a place here! Now come on, I’m sure Kiyo, Sumi, and Naho will have a bone to pick with you as well. And Shinobu-sama!” Aoi’s fist struck especially hard at the thought, “Shinobu-sama is going to have some choice words for you when she gets back I just know it!”

Aoi led them all inside, occasionally throwing a few more jabs into (Y/n)’s side to make sure she was really there. She didn’t admit that was what they were for of course, she played it off more as a punishment for disappearing for so long.

There was screaming coming from the infirmary and (Y/n) would have been worried if she hadn’t recognized the sound almost immediately.

“Zenitsu!” Tanjirou called excitedly.

While Tanjirou and poor Gotou were dealing with the sobbing, snotty boy, Aoi had dragged (Y/n) over to Kiyo who had been tending to Zenitsu only moments before.

“Look who finally decided to come home.” Aoi told the younger girl who looked up, tilting her head. (Y/n) almost thought Kiyo hadn’t recognized her. Being as young as she was, she wouldn’t have blamed her, but then she burst forward and hugged (Y/n) tightly around her waist.

“What’s going on in here? Hm, Aoi-san, Kiyo?”

Naho and Sumi had made their way into the infirmary with a basket of fresh linens and paused at the entryway for a moment before they realized who their friend was hugging and ran over to join her with tears in their eyes.

“(Y/n)-san, where have you been all this time?” Naho whimpered.

“Why didn’t you say anything before you left?” Sumi cried.

“I’m sorry,” (Y/n) knelt down to better hug them all, “I know it’s not enough to make up for anything, but I’m sorry for leaving like that. It wasn’t fair,” she looked up to meet Aoi’s stern blue eyes, “to any of you.”

“Well, make it up to us by sticking around from now on.” Aoi said, crossing her arms. “No more running away.”

“But...” (Y/n) was conflicted. Had Shinobu not told the girls why she had left? (Y/n) mustered up the best smile she could and nodded feebly. “All right.”

“(Y/n)-san, your box is... humming?” Sumi pointed at the wooden box.

“Oh, um, you see... in this box is my friend, Nezuko,” (Y/n) treaded carefully, not wishing to startle the girls too badly if she could help it.

“You have someone in a box?” Aoi barked, “well let them out for goodness sake!”

“It’s a little bright in here...” (Y/n) shifted her vision to where Tanjirou and Zenitsu were talking, catching sight of Inosuke as well. Poor boar boy looked like he’d seen better days. “And I’m not sure that Shinobu-” should she still speak of her so informally? “-would be pleased if I let her out without her blessing.”

“Why wouldn’t Shinobu-sama allow you to let someone out of a box?” Aoi rolled her eyes.

“It’s complicated. I’m sure she’ll want to talk to you all about it once she comes back. Until then, Nezuko will be fine in here.”

The girls, though incredulous, let the subject drop for now. Although, they couldn’t help but eye the box with suspicion. Once Tanjirou was settled in the infirmary, the butterfly girls dragged (Y/n) away to talk about the goings on of the last four years which soon devolved into hounding (Y/n) for her own stories to share, even Kanao had come by to sit and listen.

“...And that’s how I helped the fishing village take care of the demon that was lurking in the sea.”

“Tell us another one, (Y/n)-san!” The youngest girls pleaded, kicking their feet in the air behind them. They had migrated to lay flat on their stomachs as the stories progressed and watched (Y/n) recount her adventures with their heads propped up on their arms with rapt attention.

“I’m afraid that will have to wait for another time, it’s quite late you know.”

Everyone turned to the door to find Shinobu staring down at them. The youngest girls pouted a bit, trying to get a bit more time to stick around, but Shinobu held firm and directed them to their rooms.

“You’ll still be here tomorrow, right? (Y/n)-san?” Sumi asked from the doorway.

“I...” (Y/n) pulled at the sleeve of her uniform and subtly pursed her lips while trying to figure out how to proceed, to her surprise, Shinobu spoke up on her behalf.

“I promise you’ll see her in the morning. Now of to bed. (Y/n) and I have much to discuss.”

The thought of having a prolonged conversation with Shinobu sent shivers through (Y/n)’s spine. Once all the girls were well out of sight, Shinobu redirected her attention to (Y/n).

“Let’s drop off your cargo first,” Shinobu said, motioning to the box sitting beside (Y/n), “I’ve arranged a room and Kamado-kun has been wondering where his... sister, has been.”

“Of course.” (Y/n) stood, shouldering the box.

Apparently the room was rather far. (Y/n) felt as if the silence between them was slowly eating at her until she finally decided to speak. For better or for worse.

“You’ve taken all of this extraordinarily well,” (Y/n) commented, testing the waters.

“Mm, I’d like to hold off on any conversation until we drop off the demon. Use this time to gather any thoughts, if you have them that is.”

(Y/n)’s brow furrowed slightly, eyes narrowed. She was sure that was some kind of dig at her intelligence, but she held her tongue.

They dropped off Nezuko, (Y/n) and Tanjirou bid each other good night, and then (Y/n) was led to an all too familiar space, the lab.

Shinobu motioned for (Y/n) to sit at one of the less cluttered tables while she closed the door firmly behind them. (Y/n) would have been lying if she said she wasn’t even just a tad bit concerned by the setting of this ‘talk’ that was about to unfold. Finally, Shinobu took the stool across from her on the other side of the table. She laced her fingers together, using them to prop up her chin as her endlessly amethyst eyes bore into (Y/n)’s. That ghostly smile seemingly perfected after four years of separation, had (Y/n)’s hands clench into fists under the table.

“So,” Shinobu began, her voice deceptively sweet, “when exactly do you think it was when you completely lost your mind?”

“Excuse me?” (Y/n)’s eye twitched.

“Defending a demon, offering up your own life for a demon to live... how insanely idiotic. I thought you were smarter than that. I suppose it had been.. four years, was it? Four years since you ran off. And I thought that was the most careless thing you could ever do. You really have outdone yourself!”

“Stop,” (Y/n) had heard enough of these little jabs and she new well enough Shinobu could go all day as long as she hadn’t changed too drastically in their time apart. However, Shinobu powered through.

“Everyone was devastated when you left you know. We were a family and you just up and left in the middle of the night without a word so soon after—“ After Kanae, “Now you’re putting everything on the line for some demon? You’re a coward. A selfish coward.”

(Y/n) was really angry now. She stood up so fast her stool clattered to the ground behind her. She slammed her hands against the table and stared furiously into Shinobu’s placid expression, though she could detect a hint of a heated spark in those deep purple eyes.

“Don’t act like you’re so innocent in all of this! You told me to leave! You want to judge me for trusting Nezuko with my life, fine! But I only did what you commanded of me when I left. You don’t get to say I just fucked off because you think I didn’t care enough!”

Shinobu had the nerve to chuckle, though no trace of humor was there, as she slowly rose to her own feet and assumed a similar stance over the table as (Y/n).

“Did you really think when I said that, when I told you to leave the lab, I meant I wanted you to walk out of my life?” Shinobu asked seriously.

“I didn’t know what you wanted! You weren’t the same person anymore! Don’t try telling me that it wasn’t what you wanted either, you never came looking for me. You never sent your crow. Tell me you weren’t ecstatic when you woke up that morning and didn’t have to deal with me anymore!”

Shinobu slapped her own hand against the table, a vein pulsed painfully under the skin of her forehead. She opened her mouth to retort, poisoned words ready to lash out with a flick of her tongue, but as luck would have it, a Kakushi nervously called from the other side of the door.

“Kochou-sama, the treatments for the, uh, despiderfication of the slayers from Natagumo Mountain are ready to be carried out with your supervision.”

Shinobu closed her eyes, breathing in deeply before opening them again and looking significantly more drained.

“I see. Please inform the others that I’ll be there in a few moments.”

“Right away, Kochou-sama.”

As the footsteps pattered away, (Y/n) fixed her stool upright before heading in the direction of the door, assuming she and Shinobu were done talking, or screaming rather. (Y/n) was surprised to feel Shinobu grasp her hand as she tried to pass by.

“You remember where your room is, right?” Shinobu asked, the undertones of her voice still taut with anger.

(Y/n) too tired to fight on, responded simply with a mute nod.

“I had the Kakushi clean it earlier today. Everything should still be as you left it.”

Shinobu let go of (Y/n)’s hand and it immediately felt cold. The Hashira opened the lab door and stepped out into the hallway, her back to (Y/n) as she made her last parting statement.

“If you know what is good for you, you won’t step a foot outside of estate grounds without speaking to me first.”

“And if I don’t?” (Y/n) asked just to be obstinate.

“Then I guess I’ll have to hunt you down for sport.” Shinobu quickly replied, turning to face (Y/n) just to show her how serious she was.

(Y/n) couldn’t help the weak guffaw that left her lips. To hear such a threat delivered by such a soothing tone was practically oxymoronic.

Shinobu lingered for a moment longer before gliding off to see to her patients while (Y/n) turned down the opposite end of the hallway and traveled down a few more to find herself standing outside of her old room. She opened the door, the space was clean as Shinobu promised. She closed the door softly behind her, blocking off the light from the hall. There would be time to be sentimental in the morning. Right now, between the Mountain, the trial and the emotional battle with the Insect Hashira herself, (Y/n) was exhausted. She scooted her way into the freshly made futon and fell asleep with the nostalgic smell of wisteria petals drifting through her airways.

***

(Y/n) awoke around mid-morning to the sun shining through her window. She stretched and got dressed, her fingers pausing over the last few buttons of her uniform as she glanced over the desk.

The butterfly hair clip she had once worn with pride sat in front of her. It appeared to be left untouched by time. Not even a speck of dust adorned the colorful wings. She reached out to it, but her fingers curled just before she touched it. She pulled her hand back as a knock sounded on the door.

“Yes?”

“It’s Aoi.” A voice called from the other side.

(Y/n) quickly took the last few steps needed to reach the door and slid it open to greet Aoi but before she could, the stern girl stepped inside and pulled the door shut again.

“Were you and Shinobu-sama fighting last night?” She asked hurriedly.

“Where did you hear that?” (Y/n) answered the question with one of her own.

“The Kakushi are partial to gossip. Now what did you do!” Aoi huffed, jabbing (Y/n)’s shoulder.

“Why does it have to be me? Shinobu was the one who started it!” (Y/n) backed up, rubbing her shoulder.

“You two better make up soon. It will hurt Naho, Sumi and Kiyo if they find out you’re still mad at each other,” Aoi crossed her arms over her chest.

“It’s not that easy, Aoi. It’s been four years. It’s not all going to go away overnight.”

“Do I have to do everything around here?” Aoi grumbled to herself, passing a hand over her face. “I’ll help you, but you better try to be civil.”

“Aoi, I don’t need help. I’m sorry that fight got back to you. If Shinobu and I talk again, I promise I’ll try harder to keep my temper in check, okay?”

Aoi sighed and shook her head, “Fine. That wasn’t what I had come to talk to you about anyway.”

“Oh,” (Y/n) tilted her head, “then what is it?”

“Your friends,” Aoi pinched the bridge of her nose, “they’re driving me crazy. I need you to get the blonde and the boar to participate in recovery training.”

“I’ll see what I can do.” (Y/n) answered with slight reluctance. She knew just how difficult those two could be.

Aoi and (Y/n) arrived at the room that was being used for the boys’ recovery training. Tanjirou was already working hard, trying to catch Kanao in a game of tag, while Zenitsu and Inosuke watched from the corner with bitter disinterest.

“Hey,” (Y/n) addressed the younger teens, “what’s the problem? Don’t you guys want to get better? Stronger?”

“It’s pointless.” Inosuke weakly answered.

“(Y/n)-san, this training is too difficult!” Zenitsu cried.

(Y/n) dodged the weepy blonde’s attempts at hugging her and bonked him on the head with the side of her fist.

“I feel no sympathy for you. Aoi and the others are working really hard to get you back in fighting shape, the least you could do is put a little bit of effort in!” (Y/n) crossed her arms, “before you know it, Tanjirou will leave you both in the dust. Do you really want that?”

Zenitsu and Inosuke grunted, still refusing to budge. (Y/n) motioned for Naho to hand her a cup of medicated water and promptly splashed its contents all over the boys.

“What was that for?” Zenitsu screeched.

“Want revenge? Come take me on.” (Y/n) motioned to the table of cups.

Naho, Sumi and Kiyo made small sounds of excitement, trying to encourage the boys, but they just grumbled and walked back to the infirmary.

“You guys are going to regret walking away!” (Y/n) called after them. “Let me know when you are done moping and want to get back to work!”

“Oh my.” Shinobu giggled as she walked in, watching Zenitsu and Inosuke sulk past her.

Shinobu turned to observe the room, pausing at (Y/n). Her eyes flickered down at (Y/n)’s chest and stayed there long enough for the other slayer to notice.

“What?” (Y/n) had grumbled mostly to herself as she followed Shinobu’s gaze downward. Heat shot to her face immediately as she realized she had forgotten to finish buttoning her uniform after Aoi distracted her. It wasn’t showing a lot, just her collar bones and a bit of her chest, but it was still jarring. With a strangled chirp, she quickly buttoned her uniform the rest of the way.

“Oh please, no need to cover up on my account.” Shinobu easily teased, though she felt a bit embarrassed to have been caught staring. She wasn’t entirely sure why her vision gravitated there to begin with.

After a few false starts, (Y/n) finally choked out, “what do you want?”

“I need Kanao and Aoi to help me gather more herbs for spider demon antidotes, not that it’s any of your business.”

“Kochou-sama,” Aoi interjected before (Y/n) could retaliate, “Kanao and I are helping Tanjirou complete his recovery training for the day. I’ve asked (Y/n)-san to fill in for us and she has readily agreed to take our place.”

(Y/n) gave Aoi a look, prompting the younger girl to pinch at (Y/n)’s side discreetly. A message to keep her mouth shut. Kanao simply blinked, twisting on the ball of her foot to dodge another one of Tanjirou’s lunges.

“Very well then, keep up (Y/n). I hope you still remember a thing or two about plants in that thick skull of yours,” Shinobu glided past (Y/n) to step out onto the engawa, “though I wouldn’t be too surprised if all of that knowledge fell out of your head along with your common sense.”

(Y/n) opened her mouth before shutting it firmly closed. Remembering that the younger girls were there and what Aoi had asked of her, she pursed her lips and silently fell into step beside the Hashira, walking with her to the nearby forest where the herbs they needed flourished.

“You recall what Aralia Cordata looks like, correct?” Shinobu asked once they were well within the trees.

“Yeah, kind of hard to miss that shrub if you know what you’re looking for.” (Y/n) groused.

“Fine, fine. Don’t come crying to me if you touch something poisonous.”

“I won’t. Won’t touch anything poisonous I mean. Because I know what I’m doing.”

“Are you telling me that or are you just trying to reassure yourself?”

(Y/n) chose not to reply, instead she split off from Shinobu to one of the shrubs in question and began harvesting a few leafy tendrils from it. Before long, her basket was filled and she turned just in time to see Shinobu turn back to her own bush, pretending to examine one of the tendrils she had cut.

“You know,” (Y/n) sighed as she stood back to her full height, “Aoi only made me come here in her stead because that fight we had last night got back to her. She expects us to make up.”

“Mm, I figured it was something like that,” Shinobu hummed, “I do believe that for once, she is too optimistic in that regard.”

“Well, you never did like admitting when you were wrong,” (Y/n) shrugged, “or saying you’re sorry. It’s comforting to know you haven’t completely destroyed your old personality.”

“And what exactly have I been wrong about, (Y/n)?” Shinobu’s forehead pulsed, “what exactly have I done that requires an apology?”

“You lie to everyone Shinobu. You hide behind plastic smiles pretending to be someone you’re not to fill a void. Saying your fine and shrugging everyone off while holding them at arm's length. When I tried to talk to you, you pushed me away and told me to leave. You were dismissive, cold.”

(Y/n) wrapped her arms around herself as if a chilling wind overcame her. Continuing on, she spoke lowly before Shinobu could speak her denial.

“Not to say that I don’t have my own fault in all of this. Even if I thought you really wanted me gone that night, I should have fought harder for you. I knew you were hurting, but I gave up and left anyway. That is something I’ve thought about a lot in our time apart and I regret it every day because you were worth fighting for.”

(Y/n) blew out a harsh breath of air, running a hand over her scalp she made her closing statement.

“If there was one thing you were right about last night, it’s that I’m a coward and I’m sorry that I didn’t try harder.”

(Y/n) chanced a look at Shinobu’s face. The Hashira’s eyes rounded and her mouth was ever so slightly agape. The silence hung in the air until a sweet wisteria breeze swept through the trees and (Y/n) cleared her throat and looked away.

“So if we could at least pretend to get along for the sake of the girls, I think Aoi would appreciate it.” (Y/n) added before reaching down to collect her basket. A sudden noise, like air being rapidly released through one’s nose, came from behind (Y/n) and she paused in her movements to glance back at Shinobu who was looking down at the leaf she was worrying between her fingers.

“I... apologize, for pushing you away in such a way that made you think you had to exile yourself. It was also cruel of me to say you didn’t care about us when I knew that you thought of this place as your home. I was trying to hurt you back and that was wrong of me. I’m sorry.” Shinobu solemnly said.

Now it was (Y/n)’s turn to stare. Soon, Shinobu leveled a cocky smile and stood with her basket of leaves and a few other miscellaneous plants she gathered.

“Looks like you were wrong about my ability to apologize, hm?” She said.

“Shut up. Don’t ruin the moment.” (Y/n) smiled, reaching for her own basket.

The atmosphere surrounding the girls leaving the forest felt a lot more relaxed than it had upon entering.

***

Days turned into weeks and everything seemed so much better after. It was still awkward at times, but (Y/n) and Shinobu were finding their rhythm again. There was still a little hostility at times, but rather than avoid each other, they talked it out. It was almost frightening how in sync they were when they were working well together.

(Y/n) split her time between helping Shinobu with the slayers turned spiders and helping the younger girls train Tanjirou. She was elated by the boy’s progress as he finally managed to catch Kanao. She had noticed Zenitsu and Inosuke lurking nearby and gestured to the room. Now that they knew recovery training was possible and Tanjirou was leaving them in the dust, the rambunctious boys finally felt the need to catch up with their comrade’s progress.

Before long, the boys were well enough to continue the training on their own and (Y/n) found herself spending more and more time with Shinobu. They would spend hours talking or saying nothing at all, just enjoying each other’s company while they worked away on medicines and poisons.

It didn’t take long for (Y/n) to notice the difference. How Shinobu took up more than her fair share of space in (Y/n)’s thoughts. Even just catching sight of her across the garden was starting to make (Y/n)’s heart leap. On the occasion Shinobu would spot her she’d smile and wave, making (Y/n)’s heart stop all together before kicking into overdrive. The lingering touches and whispered words Shinobu would share with her as they worked in the lab certainly didn’t help either. Just when (Y/n) had thought they finally found their dynamic... Why was it changing again already?

(Y/n) was telling Naho, Sumi and Kiyo the story of how she met Tanjirou and Nezuko while she patted the demon’s head. Ever since Nezuko had woken up, the younger girls, though skittish at first, had grown to be fascinated and even enamored with her. As (Y/n) retold the tale, Nezuko humming happily at her side, Shinobu happened upon the group.

“I’m afraid we’ll have to cut this session short. Tanjirou and the others are ready to get back out on the road now. Something about joining Rengoku-san on his next mission.”

“How did I not here about this plan sooner?” (Y/n) frowned.

“That’s a question best suited for Tanjirou to answer I suppose.” Shinobu replied rather emotionlessly, concerning (Y/n).

So while everyone else was getting ready to leave, (Y/n) pulled Tanjirou aside and asked him what was going on.

“I didn’t tell you we were leaving because I hope you’ll stay and continue to rebuild the relationships you have here, (Y/n)-san. I appreciate everything you’ve done for Nezuko and I, and now I hope to return the favor.” Tanjirou smiled brightly.

“And how do you figure you’re doing that?” (Y/n) crossed her arms.

“Because the longer you get to stay here, the more time you get to spend with Shinobu-san! I can smell that you two want to be together more now than ever.”

“You and your nose I swear,” heat radiated off of (Y/n)’s cheeks, “I think you have intuition and that sense mixed up.”

Tanjirou merely laughed in response.

“So, you guys think you’ll really be okay without me? You’ll stay out of trouble?”

“Don’t worry, (Y/n)-san! We’ll see each other again soon!” Tanjirou beamed.

(Y/n) smiled in return and they rejoined the send off.

“Where did Shinobu-san go?” Tanjirou wondered.

(Y/n) looked around and sure enough, the Pillar was nowhere to be seen.

“She must have had something urgent to attend to,” she answered, making a note to search for her later.

(Y/n) stood out in the garden until the loud group disappeared into the trees and their shouts could no longer be heard over the rustling of the leaves. She took a moment to stare out into the clear blue sky before returning inside.

(Y/n) was going to go look for Shinobu, but she wanted to go to her room to change her uniform first since Zenitsu had snotted all over it in his tearful goodbye.

She opened the door and was surprised to find Shinobu already inside. Shinobu’s back was turned to her as she quickly ran a sleeve over her face. She cleared her throat before facing back with a weak smile.

“(Y/n), forget something?”

“Huh?” (Y/n) blinked, still trying to process why Shinobu might have just been tearing up in her room of all places.

“The others must be ready to leave now. You better pick up what you needed so they don't have to wait too long.”

“They already left, Shinobu.” (Y/n) explained. “I hadn’t planned on going with them.”

“Oh.” Shinobu turned to look outside the window of (Y/n)’s room, hoping the blood that buzzed in her cheeks hadn’t burned its way to her ears as well.

“Shinobu, is something wrong?” (Y/n) tested.

“I just feel a bit silly now I suppose.” Shinobu admitted, bringing a slight smile to (Y/n)’s face with her honesty. “I thought you were gone again.”

“Well, I wouldn’t leave without a proper goodbye, not again.” (Y/n) came up beside Shinobu, intending to give her hand a comforting squeeze when she felt something other than skin instead. Looking down she saw her old butterfly clip in Shinobu’s hand, a quick look at the empty spot at her desk confirmed it.

Shinobu noticed that (Y/n) had noticed and rose the hairclip up between them with a subdued exhale.

“You know, every morning I wonder if it will be the morning you feel comfortable enough to wear this again.” Shinobu said, twirling the insect in her fingers. “When I thought you were gone and I saw this still sitting on your desk, it brought me back to places I’d rather not think about.”

“I’m sorry,” (Y/n) rested her hand over the back of Shinobu’s haori, “I just haven’t felt... I don’t know, worthy of it? I didn’t intend to make you feel bad.”

A small puff of air left Shinobu’s nose at the words. “It isn’t a matter of worth, it’s about whether or not you feel like you belong here again. Whether or not you’re comfortable here.”

“Agree to disagree.” (Y/n) joked. “But if it makes you feel better, I’m glad I get to spend more time here. I’ve been happier in these last few weeks than in the last few years.”

“I’m glad.” Shinobu watched a couple of butterflies flutter against the window before turning back to the garden. “And if you insist on it being a matter of worth, you are more than worthy. It’s not even a question to me.”

“Thank you.” (Y/n) simpered. Her breathing hitched slightly when Shinobu reached up to run her fingers through a loose lock of (Y/n)’s hair.

“Would you let me do your hair?” Shinobu asked softly.

“I’d like that.” (Y/n) whispered.

Shinobu guided (Y/n) back to the desk and sat her down on the chair. She freed (Y/n)’s hair from its plain hair band and quietly ran a brush through her locks with such softness that (Y/n) felt like she might fall asleep. Shinobu gathered the hair in her hands and styled it as she wished, clipping it together with the butterfly hair clip. Shinobu checked over her work, her hands resting on (Y/n)’s shoulders.

“You look perfect.” (Y/n) shivered. She hadn’t expected Shinobu’s lips to be so close to her ear. Neither had she expected the lips to ghost over her cheek in a light kiss.

“I just remembered I have a meeting I need to attend. You’ll help the girls with the infirmary won’t you?”

(Y/n) had almost forgotten how to speak but managed to pull it together. “Of course! I’ll, um, see you when you get back?”

“Perhaps,” Shinobu removed her hands from (Y/n)’s shoulders, “I won’t be back until late though.”

“Okay.”

A shy hug (in slightly awkward positioning due to the gross state of the Kinoe’s uniform, courtesy of Zenitsu) and Shinobu parted ways with (Y/n). (Y/n) met up with the girls in the infirmary and was almost immediately met with a chorus of cheers from Naho, Kiyo and Sumi when they noticed her hair. Aoi and Kanao smiled at the sight as well. A full day of caring for the infirmary made (Y/n) excited to finally get into bed for the night.

She awoke with a scream caught in her throat. Old demons had visited her in her sleep. As she worked to calm her heart, she noticed the light of the full moon streaming through her window. With a few more deep breaths she sat up from her futon and wrapped her haori around her shoulders.

Quietly exiting her room, she padded through the halls until she found her way to the kitchen, a smile pulled at her lips when she found Shinobu already there boiling water.

“Rough night?” Shinobu asked. She was also in her bed wear, her hair hanging loose from its usual style.

“Yes,” (Y/n) moved to stand beside her, “it’s been awhile since the last one I had.”

“How did you deal with that when you were on the road?”

“I would buy little sacks of tea leaves as I went. On bad nights or whenever sleep eluded me I’d boil up some water and try a new blend. Yours was always the best though.”

“I was already going to make you a cup, no need for flattery.”

“No flattery here. Just the truth.” (Y/n) swore, making Shinobu’s smile just a tad fuller.

Shinobu finished preparing the cups and as (Y/n) took hers about ready to leave, the Hashira asked her to wait.

“It’s a full moon tonight. Want to watch the stars for a moment?” Shinobu asked.

“I’d love to.” (Y/n) nodded.

The pair walked outside along the engawa until they had a pleasant view of the full brightness of the moon. They sat along the engawa’s edge, letting their legs dangle as they sipped their tea in the drowning noise of cicada and cricket songs.

(Y/n) chanced a glance at Shinobu in her periphery and marveled at how the moonlight highlighted her skin to the point where she almost appeared to be glowing. The way it reflected off of her eyes was absolutely enchanting. (Y/n) forced her attention back on the sky. Though beautiful it seemed to pale in comparison to the girl next to her.

As her eyes traced over the larger craters of the moon, she thought back on an old saying she had read at one of the inns she had frequented. An old, battered collection of pages that she read through when sleep didn’t come. She had read that particular work quite a few times.

She wondered if perhaps Shinobu had read it too. Though more likely the girl had her face buried in medical texts than anything else. (Y/n) then wondered, if perhaps she could get away with saying it. A confession without consequence, but on the off change that Shinobu was knowledgeable on the old text it could damage the progress they had made in healing their relationship. Perhaps it would be better to just enjoy the moment. (Y/n) took another sip of tea.

“The moon is beautiful, isn’t it?”

(Y/n) nearly choked on her tea, spluttering and coughing as she tried in vein to stop herself. Finally she managed to calm down only to notice how intently Shinobu was staring at her.

Had she meant that literally? Shinobu was looking at (Y/n) so expectantly, but it could easily just be because she had nearly blacked out from inhaling her tea!

“...It is.” (Y/n) finally answered hiding her face in her cup, looking at neither Shinobu nor the moon.

Another long silence filled by the chirps of insects enjoying the humid night air. (Y/n) had finished her tea and set her cup to her right, her free hand that had been resting between Shinobu and herself was soon covered by a cool and calloused touch.

(Y/n) shyly turned her head to meet the Pillar’s gaze and jumped a bit when her nose unexpectedly brushed against Shinobu’s.

“The moon is beautiful tonight, isn’t it?” Shinobu repeated barely above a whisper. She was not pulling away.

(Y/n) felt her throat dry and she wished she had just one more swallow of tea left. With a slight quiver in her lips, she responded. Doing her best to stay focused on the purple irises before her.

“Yes,” she answered with a slight nod, careful not to bump head with Shinobu, “it is.”

“(Y/n)?” Shinobu called to her, cupping her face gently with the hand that wasn’t already resting on top of (Y/n)’s.

“Y.. yes?”

“Would you kiss me if I asked?” Shinobu murmured, filling (Y/n)’s senses with a dizzying wisteria scent. The slayer didn’t even try to talk herself out of answering such a query as the thumb of Shinobu’s hand swiped the corner of her lips.

“Yes.” She replied, nearly breathless already and her pupils blown wide.

“(Y/n), please kiss me.”

It was all too easy to lean in when they were already sitting so closely. The hand Shinobu had been using to cup her cheek weaved through the hair at the back of (Y/n)’s head, pulling her closer yet as their lips met a bit clumsily in buzzing, mind numbing bliss. (Y/n)’s free hand, the one not currently being clutched in a near death grip over the wooden floor, found home at the back of Shinobu’s neck, lightly massaging the skin there.

They broke apart a few times but the breaths they took were quick and few. Eventually they rested against each other while their abused lungs burned with a hunger for oxygen.

“I have wanted to do that for longer than I’d like to admit.” Shinobu quietly confessed, twisting a lock of (Y/n)’s hair though her fingers.

“Even when we were fighting?” (Y/n) joked, rubbing the back of Shinobu’s neck with her thumb.

“Strangely enough, yes. There were times when I thought about doing it just to shut you up. Though I didn’t dare allow myself to entertain the thought for long.”

(Y/n) chuckled and leaned in to steal another kiss, much less heated then the last few and much quicker as a chorus of surprised gasps made them pull apart and turn around.

“They kissed! They’re kissing!” Sumi cheered while Aoi tried to quiet her and push her back into the mansion.

Sumi and Kiyo emerged from the doorway that Shinobu had left open when she and (Y/n) first came out into the moonlight and were immediately hounding them for confirmation.

“We missed it! Do it again!” Kiyo pleaded.

“It’s like a fairy tale!” Naho cheered.

“You three!” Aoi grumbled with embarrassment. “Kanao, help me out here!”

Kanao looked between Aoi, the rowdy girls, then her sister and senpai, before settling on a nice golf clap of congratulations. This made Aoi lightly smack herself in the face and completely give up on trying to rein in the younger children.

“My, what are you all doing up I wonder?” Shinobu smiled.

“We wanted to watch the moon too Shinobu-sama! Aoi-san even made tea!” Naho clapped.

“But it’s clear you’re, busy, with something and we should go back inside.” Aoi rushed.

“Nonsense, it’s a lovely night. These things are best experienced with those you care about, don’t you all agree?”

“Yes!” Three excited voices readily agreed before wiggling in between the older girls with light blankets and their tea.

Aoi grumbled a half hearted reminder to be careful with the tea before sitting down beside (Y/n) with her own cup. Kanao took a seat beside Shinobu, lightly kicking her feet over the engawa as she started up silently at the moon.

They stayed up for hours, naming constellations, spotting shooting stars, and listening for the occasional loud croak of a far off frog in the thick of the cicadas and crickets.

Dawn wasn’t too far off when Naho, Sumi and Kiyo fell asleep. (Y/n), Shinobu and Kanao each picked one up and returned them to their rooms. Aoi gathered the discarded cups and helped with the doors before bidding the older girls goodnight, Kanao trailing behind her.

“What a lively night. I’m afraid chores will suffer tomorrow.” Shinobu mused as she walked (Y/n) back to her room.

“We’ll figure it out.” (Y/n) said, shyly brushing her hand against Shinobu’s and smiling when Shinobu laced their fingers together.

Once at (Y/n)’s room Shinobu raised (Y/n)’s hand to her lips with a smirk, planting a kiss on battle worn knuckles.

“This is where I leave you. I’ll see you in a few hours.”

“Why does that feel too long?” (Y/n) laughed quietly.

“I’m not sure, you’d think after four years of bitter silence a couple of hours would be a walk in the park.” Shinobu chuckled in return.

“I guess we just have a lot of time to make up for, huh?”

“Mm, that is a plausible line of reasoning,” Shinobu hummed, a spark growing in her eyes, “might I trouble you for one more kiss before I retire to my room?”

“I was hoping you’d ask.”

(Y/n) hardly got the words out before Shinobu was on her. Four kisses later and they pulled away with matching grins.

“I’ll see you in my dreams.” Shinobu added one last peck before pulling away.

“As will I.”

***

Well into the next morning (Y/n) awoke energized and ready to fight the world. She changed into a fresh uniform and pinned her hair with care, straightening the butterfly pin before rushing out of her room to begin her day with the young woman who had gifted it to her.

[plan-d-to-i]

wwx didn't even say that he would serve jc forever. He said that he would be his right hand man, not serve. Plus, he didn't promise. He just said that in order to cheer jc up...

“Wei WuXian put his hand on his shoulder again, “In the future, you’ll be the sect leader, and I’ll be your subordinate, like your father and my father. So what if the GusuLan Sect has its Two Jades? The Yunmeng Jiang Sect will have its Two Prides! So, shut up. Who said that you don’t deserve to be the sect leader? Nobody can say this, even you can’t either. If you do you’re looking for a beating.” (Chapter 56)

“Wei WuXian moved his lips, but he couldn’t say anything. Lan WangJi turned around to hold his hand. On the other hand, Jiang Cheng refused to give up, shouting, “Wei WuXian, who was the one who broke his promise and betrayed the Jiang Sect first? Tell me. That I’d be the sect leader and you’d be my subordinate, that you’d help me your whole life, that so long as the GusuLan Sect had its Two Jades, the YunmengJiang Sect would have its Two Prides, that you’d never betray me or betray the Jiang Sect—who was the one that said these?! I’m asking you—who was the one that said all these?! Did you eat all your fucking words?!” (Chapter 102exr)

another version

Wei WuXian’s lips moved but, ultimately, he couldn’t say a word. Lan WangJi turned to him and held his hand. Jiang Cheng, however, was still not finished. He scathed without holding back, “Wei WuXian, who’s the one who went back on his words? Who’s the one who betrayed our Jiang Sect? Who’s the one that told me that when I became the sect leader, you’d be my subordinate, you’d support me forever, that if the Gusu Lan Sect has Two Jades then the Yunmeng Jiang Sect would have Two Prides, that you wouldn’t ever betray the Jiang Sect?! You tell me—who said those words?! I’m asking you, who said those words?! Did you fucking swallow them all?! (Chapter 102)

interestingly enough it looks like an earlier draft didn't have the "Two Prides" moment: "Wei WuXian put his arm over Jiang Cheng’s shoulders again and said, “When you become the clan leader, I’ll be your right hand man, just like your dad and my dad. So shut your mouth. Who said you’re not fit to be the clan leader? Nobody can say that, not even you. Say it again and I’ll beat you."(chapter 56)

Regardless, nowhere in WWX's pep talk -BC IT IS A FUCKING PEP TALK NOT A LEGAL CONTRACT NEGOTIATION since jc is throwing a full size tantrum when WWX just woke up from his convalescence- does WWX talk about forever. Ironically enough he says "like my father and your father"! and we all know Wei Changze left to marry the love of his life WITH JFM's blessing, bc JFM wasn't a little turd lord like his whiny, needy, controlling, entitled son. Of all the lessons WWX tried to teach jc, about doing the right thing & helping others the fact that jc fixated on the idea of a lifetime of subservience from a guy he always knew was better than him in every way, wherein WWX's autonomy and morality would be done away with, doesn't actually make jc look better...

you know this brings up another moment tho that jc stans like to forget:

“Seeing how worried he seemed, Wei WuXian took the initiative, “Relax. I won’t tell Uncle Jiang. I only hurt myself because I suddenly wanted to climb a tree last night.”

Hearing this, Jiang Cheng sighed in relief. He swore, “You can relax as well. Anytime I see a dog, I’ll chase it away for you!” (Chapter 71 exr)

and another version

Wei WuXian said, “Relax, I won’t tell Uncle Jiang. After all, I hurt my leg because I suddenly wanted to climb a tree in the middle of the night.”

Jiang Cheng let out a sigh of relief upon hearing that. He vowed, “You can relax, too. After today, if we ever see a dog, I’ll make sure to chase it away for you!” (X)

AND guess what!

Jiang Cheng spoke again. “Let me borrow your dog.”

Jin Ling recovered from his dazed stupor and hesitated briefly, but Jiang Cheng’s gaze of cold lightning swept toward him. The boy whistled and the black-maned spirit dog bounded over in three strides. Wei Wuxian’s entire body turned as stiff as a slab of iron. He could only allow himself to be dragged by the hand, and trudge step by step forward.

Jiang Cheng found an empty room and threw Wei Wuxian inside. The spirit dog followed them into the room and sat at the entrance, and Jiang Cheng closed the door behind them. Wei Wuxian’s eyes were fixed on the dog, in case it abruptly rushed toward him, and he reflected on how quickly he had been subjugated. Jiang Cheng knows how to manipulate me as well as he knows the back of his hand. ...

Jiang Cheng’s answering smile was brimming with fury. “Fine. Then let’s see which of us truly hasn’t shown an ounce of improvement.”

He sat motionless by the table and let out a shout. The spirit dog immediately stood up.

Wei Wuxian’s entire body had already become covered in a layer of cold sweat from sharing a room with the animal. He eyed the dog, who was more than half a man’s height, with fangs protruding from its mouth. His ears filled with the dog’s low growl, and every part of him, from his toes to the top of his head, went numb. His memory of his period of childhood homelessness was blurry, but if he remembered anything, it was the panicked terror of being chased down the street, and the unbearable agony of sharp teeth and claws digging into his flesh. The fear ran deep in his heart, buried inside like thick roots in soil—no matter how much he tried, he could not soothe or overcome it. (Chapter 24)

MEANWHILE

“Wei WuXian stood below the tree and walked around it a couple of times, slapping the trunk, “I’ve climbed this tree before.”

Lan WangJi, “You have climbed every single tree on our way here.”

Wei WuXian, “But this one’s different! This was the first one I climbed after I came to Lotus Pier. I climbed it in the middle of the night. My shijie came out to search for me, holding a lantern. She was scared I’d fall down the tree, so she prepared to catch me on the ground. But what could she catch with her thin little arms? And so I still broke one of my legs.”

Looking at his legs, Lan WangJi asked, “Why did you climb the tree at night?”

Wei WuXian bent down in laughter, “There’s no why. You know. I love fooling around outside at night. Haha.” (chapter 87exr)

Wei Wuxian keeps what he saw as his part of a promise he made as a child even after jiang cheng tortured him with Fairy. Which makes it clear he saw the Two Prides bootleg of Twin Jades as the pep talk it was, not an unbreakable vow.

[ray-ray-writings]

Wither or Not-Technoblade

#37, 38, and 39 from this prompt list. Check out my masterlist here. 

This is a Technoblade x gn!reader in the dreamsmp! 

Small Author Note: This is out of character for Techno and also, I don’t think Techno has done anything wrong on the server and this is the hill I will die on… That is all.

Techno attempts to explain to his partner just why he betrayed L’Manberg. 

Y/N’s POV

Pain. That’s all I felt. Pain. The high of winning our war quickly came crashing down as the nation that we had fought so hard to win back was blown to bits by none other than the one that created it. And then two withers spawned by the one that promised to help secure it’s freedom. By the one that swore he was on our side… My side. His partner’s side. Technoblade. The Blood God himself had spawned the withers that further caused L’Manberg to fall into ruins. 

The pain was both emotional and physical. I was so exhausted from fighting that I hadn’t been able to make it far enough away from the explosion. I found myself face down in a pile of rubble, ears ringing. I slowly turned myself over and looked up to find Techno’s mouth moving, but couldn’t hear the words. He placed the three wither skulls atop the soul sand and boom! The withers had made their appearance. Tommy was quick to lead a charge to fight them, but I couldn’t move. I was too hurt. 

My heart hurt at the thought of my partner betraying us. My bones ached from the beating I had taken during the day. I watched the wither’s health quickly deplete as many fought it, taking it down. As the wither died, my eyes met Techno’s. I was still lying helplessly on the ground, a pile of rubble propping me up and I’m sure I looked like a wreck. Techno quickly made his way toward me, but I didn’t want him anywhere near me. 

“Y/N” He whispered, kneeling down next to me, moving his hands to cup my cheek. I jerked away from him, hissing at the searing pain that shot through me, but I help my ground, “Don’t fucking touch me,” I hissed out. Hurt flashed through Techno’s face. “Y/N, please.” He pleaded once more, attempting to touch me again, “I’m serious Techno. Don’t you dare touch me. You’ve done more than enough harm for one day.” I barked, my head pounding from the pain caused by the movement. 

“I’m sorry,” Techno pleaded, trying to get me to listen to him. I let out a scoff though, not believing it. “Don’t say that. Not now. Not after you blew up my country… My home. Something I have built with my friends and family to make. Something I have fought many wars over. Something that was special to me. Something that you and Wilbur have now destroyed. You aren’t sorry Techno” 

“Y/N, you have to understand-” “Oh I understand plenty Techno,” I cut the pink haired man off, “You fought by our side. By my side. I trusted you with everything I had and you threw it away.” I snarled, my hand moving to rest on my stomach. I could tell Techno wanted nothing more than to reach down and help me, to touch me, but I couldn’t let him. Not after this. 

“Y/N!!” I heard Tommy scream from somewhere. “I’m here!” I yelped, immediately coughing after due to the strain it caused on my voice. After a few moments, Tommy’s blonde head came into view, worry filling his blue eyes. “Help?” I weakly asked the blonde boy, ignoring the burning holes Techno was drilling into my face with his eyes. Tommy hesitated at the sight of Techno, but then his face filled with determination and quickly made his way to me. 

Tommy nudged Techno out of the way and kneeled beside me. “Are you okay? Can you walk?” He questioned, his eyes scanning my injuries. “I don’t know,” I answered honestly. Tommy hummed at the answer and reached into his inventory, pulling out a small pink potion. “Here,” He murmured as he uncorked it. Tommy held the potion to my lips, helping me drink. I could instantly feel the effects of the potion hit me. Some of the pain melted away from my body and a warth came over me. “Better?” Tommy asked, seeing me relax a bit. “Yeah, better. I just want to go home. Can you help me get there… If it’s still there?” I asked the boy. “Yeah, your house is still here. It’s just far enough away that it didn’t get hit. You may have to repair a little siding though” Tommy states as he helped me rise from my position.  

I hissed as I put weight on my feet. My body was still a bit sore, but much less so due to the healing potion’s effects. As Tommy and I stood, Techno also stood. “We’re going to have to go slow,” I warned the tall boy that was helping me. Tommy gave me a goofy grin, “I figured as much, old lady.” he teased. I couldn’t help but smile, Tommy was always good at bringing light to a dark situation. The two of us only got a few steps in before Techno piped up. “Y/N…” We froze. I slightly turned so I could see the pink headed man. Techno seemed to be on the verge of tears, I didn’t care. “Please,” He whimpered, “I love you.” 

I couldn’t help a dark laugh that escaped my mouth at his confession, “Don’t say you love me. You don’t get to betray me like this and then tell me you love me, that’s just pathetic.” I hissed toward the pink headed pig man. I turned back around and Tommy and I continued our journey to my house. 

I let out a groan as Tommy helped me sit down on my bed. “Thanks Tommy,” I thanked the blonde boy with a smile. “No problem Y/N… I’ve got to get back to Tubbo, just let me know if you need anything, okay?” I nodded at Tommy’s words. “Will do big man. And hey, the offer goes both ways. Anything at all, you let me know.” Tommy gave me a smile and nod before turning and walking out of my room. 

I let a sigh as I looked around the room. Everything seemed to be in place, the explosions hadn’t knocked anything down off my walls or disturbed any furniture. My body felt heavy and I just wanted to sleep. But I felt really gross and dirty so I made the decision to shower before I fell asleep. 

The warm water felt nice on my skin and the healing potion was in full swing. My cuts and bruises were slowly healing before my eyes. For many minutes I just stood under the water, contemplating everything that had happened over the past 24 hours. Exhaustion rolled over my body and I couldn’t help but cry. Everything came crashing down on me and I just sobbed for multiple minutes. 

The water turning cold was my signal that it was time to get out of the shower. I quickly shut off the water and dried myself off with the towels I had set out prior to me getting in the water. After drying my body, I held the towel to my eyes and took a few deep breaths, calming myself down from my sobbing session. Once I was steady enough, I put on the clothes that I had brought with me into the bathroom. 

I was surprised to find someone sitting on my bed when I walked out of my bathroom. I was even more surprised that it was the one person I didn’t want to see. “What do you want?” I questioned with a scoff. Techno stood and took a few steps forward. “I just wanted to talk,” Techno pleaded softly. I rolled my eyes and sat down on my bed. “I don’t really want to talk to you,” I huffed, crossing my arms over my chest. “Well then would you please at least listen? Just hear me out?” He begged, wide and pleading. I felt my heart strings tung at his tone. I could never resist Techno’s puppy eyes. “You have one minute.” I deadpanned, bringing my knees up to my chest. 

“Thank you… You were right. Out there. When you said I wasn’t sorry. I’m not sorry. I’m not sorry for destroying L’Manberg. I warned them what would happen if they formed a government in front of me. And they did it anyway. So I’m not sorry for forming the withers. I am sorry that you got hurt. That was never my intention. I know you didn’t have a hand in the government. The last thing I have ever wanted to do was hurt you. But I have and for that I am so sorry.” 

I felt the tears begin to form in my eyes once more. In my heart I knew Techno was right. He had always been very vocal about hating any form of government and had been very adamant about destroying people with too much power. “I just… I just wish you would have told me. Talk to me about it before you spawned a bunch of withers.” I croaked, the tears falling down my face. Techno hesitantly approached my bed and sat down in front of me. He slowly reached out to touch my face and I let him. Techno’s thumb gently brushed against my cheek as he wiped away my tears. 

“You’re right again,” He spoke softly, his hand stopping motion and just gently resting on my cheek. “I should have talked to you about it and I didn’t. For that I am sorry.” I let out sigh as I leaned into Techno’s touch a bit more. “Thank you for apologizing to me… I just don’t think I can forgive you. Not yet at least. I just need a little bit of time.” Techno nodded in understanding. “Okay, I respect that.” He murmured, “Just… Can I stay here tonight. I promise we don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. I just want to hold you.” I pondered to myself for a moment before finally nodding, “Yeah. That sounds nice.” 

Techno smiled gently before helping me lay down slowly. I turned on my side so my back was facing Techno. I felt the bed dip as Techno laid behind me. His arm slowly rested on my side and he pulled himself closer to me. I let out a sigh of relief. Although we’re not 100% great, I couldn’t help but feel better in his arms. Withers or not, I love him. That’s all I know. 

There you go! I hope you enjoy! If so, please be sure to leave a like!

[thatonecoryosimp]

The Devil's Mercenary Pt. 6 Technoblade X reader

This is part 6 y'all. You guys are in for it this time, let me tell you. I'm not gonna spoil anything tho. Have fun darlings ;)

Warnings: Slight bullying, cursing, suggestive at times, needs to be edited (I'm sorry XD)

Series Masterlist

Part 7

The rolling hills slowly faded from view as well, but my mood was kept lifted with the promise of one day returning. I felt his eyes on me, staring, studying. My head turned towards him.

"Is something wrong?"

His brain seemed to be processing for a second, taking its time to register what I asked, "There's something I don't understand, well, there's a few things about you that I don't understand." My eyebrows furrowed and I took a sharp intake of breath.

"Like what?" I knew what he was going to ask, I did. I just didn't know if I should tell him the truth or not.

"What's the thing with you and Deam?" My eyes were downcast as I listened to the crunching of leaves. I pursed my lips slightly before looking back up at him.

"I think there's a few things to explain before I tell you about Dream, that way you can fully grasp it." He nodded softly.

"I'm listening."

"My parents didn't love me growing up, I had seven siblings, and I was the middle, the fourth born. I had four sisters, and two brothers, my parents were stretched thin, trying to keep the older kids out of trouble, and having to keep an eye on the little kids.

I was just kind of... there. No one really liked me either, my siblings forgot I was there, and my parents didn't have time for me. The people at school weren't exactly kind either, and I was always in my older siblings' shadows.

I got bullied a lot too, people calling me ugly, saying I was a freak, unworthy. But as I got older, they just didn't bother anymore. Sure they left me alone, that's what I had wanted, what I had craved for, longed for even... but I had felt alone. Even more so then.

I spent late nights outside in the garden, or by a small lake or body of water, I loved to skip stones and watch as they hopped across the water. I would spend lonely days at school, I didn't even have to hide to prevent being bullied. No one wanted anything to do with me.

I think the first time I met Tommy was when I was walking through the woods. There was a little clearing in the middle of those woods that I would love to visit. I wasn't used to seeing other people there and I kind of freaked out at first. I stumbled back and practically hugged a tree," I started smiling to myself as I looked ahead of us, he was looking at me closely as I took another breath.

"As fate may have it, we got along well. Tommy's loud and out there, and it made me feel like I actually was welcome next to him. He wasn't avoiding me or pretending I didn't exist. He would take time out of his day to come and see me. We would go exploring together, build together, we even found those stupid disks when we were exploring.

Then one day he came to me with a proposition, he wanted me to join a nation, come meet his friends. He promised me that I would never have to be alone, I would never be forgotten, I would be loved and cared for, and I could have the family I always wanted.

It seemed so good, it was everything I desired, and Tommy was giving it to me. So I agreed. I walked up to the walls of L'manburg as they were being constructed. I met Wilbur, Eret, Niki, and Tubbo.

I loved Tubbo almost instantly, Tommy, him, and I would get into trouble, pull pranks, and hang out together every day. Wilbur and I got on well too, but for... other reasons. I fell in love with Wilbur. He fell in love with me.

He swore to protect me, that we would never let me go, that he'd always love me, and he hasn't broken that promise," tears started forming in my eyes as I looked at the ground, while a sad painted smile formed.

"I do love him, I love him with all my being. Everyone in L'manburg sees me as this saint, this beautiful angel that could do no wrong. I bake treats with Niki. I sing songs with Wilbur, I look after Tommy and Tubbo whenever they go out exploring with me.

I tend to the people of L'manburg. I'm there when they need a shoulder to cry on, I nurse them back to health when they're sick, I make sure they get the right amount of sleep, that they don't overwork themselves.

I mean what could I do wrong? I'm literally perfect. Except I'm not, I betrayed their trust without them knowing. I go behind their backs whenever I get the chance. I kill people that have done no wrong except live their lives.

I've slept with the enemy, sold my soul to Dream, and became the Devil's Mercenary, just so that I could have the attention I had yearned, even though I already had it. Dream and I's relationship is weird. I kill people for him, and I get dick." My head fell even more. My own shame washing over me as my arms wrapped around me as a security blanket.

"I don't deserve them, and they don't deserve to deal with me," I choked out. My silent sobs wracking my body, "I'm nothing but a fake, I'm no better than Eret. I'm worse."

The silence was buzzing, filled with tension and unspoken words.

"I'm sorry."

"What?" My voice cracked slightly.

"I'm sorry about what happened to you."

I sniffled and rubbed my nose.

"Let's just get home." And the rest of the trip was silent.