#I have been doting on my mom recently because she's been sick too but it's interesting to see that they wouldn't do the same thing for me | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

postwarlevi · 2 years ago

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Kindness at Christmas

Content: Nearly 3.7k words showing some of your most recent Christmas, and a long flashback of how you got there.

Extras: Another piece for @levi-supreme Happy Birthday Levi event! This got a little longer than I realized and I teared up a couple times writing it! I hope you love it!!

"We did it!" Your daughter giggles happily as her father places her back down.

He's just helped hold her up to put the star on top of your six foot Christmas tree.

"It looks beautiful!" You say, coming to hug them both. Levi kisses you softly and smiles.

"We still have more to do!" Your seven year old is always very excited for the Christmas season. Not because of the toys, although that helps, but because of the lights and the magic, the movies and the music, the yummy foods, and the family time.

"Grandma Kuchel is coming over tomorrow to help, don't worry." Levis mom loves coming to see you. She dotes on all of you and spoils her granddaughter and even her new grandpup that you got at the shelter earlier in the year.

"Yay!" She loves her grandma and runs to hug her doggy who barks and plays with her.

You and Levi smile at the happy sight.

"I love you." He whispers, pulling you close.

"I love you too." You share another sweet kiss in front of your Christmas tree, before reaching to adjust a small gold star ornament.

It's taken a long time to get here, it hasn't always been easy, but it's been worth it.

"Daddy! Read to me!" Your little one is a daddies girl, and it warms your heart to see them together.

She goes to pick out a Christmas book, which is tradition for Levi to read the night you put up your tree.

You make mugs of hot chocolate for each of you and all go into the living room.

Levi gives the dog a chew toy so he'll settle in and the pup takes it to his bed in the corner.

As you and your daughter snuggle on the couch, Levi pulls out one of the many fleece blankets in the closet and comes to put it over you.

"Thank you sweetheart." You look at him fondly as he sits down with you both and picks up the book.

Just as he's about to start reading your daughter stops him.

"Daddy, why do you always wrap mommy in a blanket?" She notices he does this a lot, and even though you have blankets, every year he gets you another one.

"So she never gets cold, my little snowflake." Levi smiles at you as you brush his hair back.

She looks between the two of you, not quite understanding.

"Are you sick?" She asks you in a concerned voice.

"No my sweet girl. It's just, there was a time we didn't have this many blankets." You hug her.

"So you were cold?" She looks up at you.

"A little, but daddy was always there to keep me warm." You share a smile.

"Everything is fine now, so let's listen to daddy read, okay?" You two hold each other as Levi takes a sip of hot chocolate and begins.

"Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house, not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse." Levi reaches over and touches your daughters nose, making her giggle.

You smile and get lost in thought as Levi continues.

FLASHBLACK

Ten Years Ago

It's December, and you look around your tiny apartment, sighing that you barely have enough money to keep the electric on, so there's no way you can afford decorations.

It's your first year as a married couple. You thought it would be better than this. You've tried so hard but, times are tough.

You don't like to bother friends or family, because they have their own things to deal with.

You hear the door unlock and your husband comes in from work, taking his coat off.

"Levi!" You skip over to him and lean into his hug. Even if everything isn't going right, as long as you are together, the future is bright.

"Hi love, how was your day?" He asks, kissing you.

You bite you lip and he notices. "It's okay, tell me." He leads you to the small couch.

"They cut my hours back at work again." You hate to tell him this. You are part time already, and it's a seasonal job, but apparently they hired too much help.

Levi sighs and holds you. "It's okay. Don't worry. We'll be okay."

Levi closes his eyes and tries to believe this. You went into marriage thinking putting both your funds together would work nicely.

You had a beautiful wedding with friends and family, and an even better honeymoon. Everything was perfect.

But then you came back home, and things started to fall apart.

Old student debts, a couple minor but important medical problems, the car breaking down, a rent increase.

It's been one thing after another and no matter how hard you try, something else always comes up.

Levis mother has tried to help out but you don't want to make things hard for her. Same with your family.

So instead Levi picked up a second job while you tried to at least keep the one you had while finding another, but everyone wants a job right now.

So some nights you've made less food, you've sold some wedding presents that though you wanted, didn't necessarily need. And though it's getting colder, you purposely don't put the heat up as much as you'd like.

You try not to cry but Levi senses it.

He pulls back and holds your cheeks. "I promise, everything will be fine."

You nod and sniffle. "I know. I just want it to be better now." You move closer and rest your head on his chest. Your happy place.

He plays with your hair and watches you move up and down on his chest as he breathes.

"You know what we need? A Christmas tree." He says suddenly, surprising you.

"But we don't even have dinner!" Your logical side says.

He chuckles and kisses your forehead. "Come on, trust me."

And of course you do. So you both put on your sweaters and get the car running and he drives.

You see the tank nearing empty and frown.

"Stop that." Levi reaches out to hold your hand as he drives.

You put on the radio to Christmas music and listen to Frank Sinatra sing you Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas.

"Have yourself a merry little Christmas Let your heart be light Next year all our troubles, will be out of sight"

You squeeze Levis hand as you wish it were next year.

Levi pulls into a Christmas tree lot and you look around, smelling the fesh pine scent.

"We'll have to keep it small." He tells you, and you nod.

"Thats okay." You don't mind. You're actually feeling a little more optimistic already.

Holding hands and looking at all different ones and seeing what's in your budget, you settle on a pretty nice four foot tree that will fit just fine in your apartment.

Levi pays and loads it up and you get back in the car. "And look, some money for decorations." He leans over to kiss you as you smile.

You go to the store and pick out the cheapest lights you can find. All blue, but they look pretty. You pick out red garland as well and a tree skirt.

"This will do." You don't want to overspend on all the individual ornaments when you could use this money elsewhere.

You put the things in the car and on the way out notice an elderly gentleman not looking well off, playing a guitar and using his case for tips.

You go to stand by him and Levi comes over to you, kissing your cheek.

You pull out a few dollars and throw one into the case for the man.

He thanks you and you nod, getting back into the car and closing your eyes.

"That's a nice thing you did, love."

You start to sob suddenly and Levi leans over to comfort you. "It's okay, let it out."

"I feel so stupid. I keep thinking we aren't doing well because I can't even make you a decent dinner but here we have enough money to get a tree and that man has to sit outside in the cold and ask for it!"

You wet his shirt with your tears as he holds you. "We're going to be okay." He promises you.

You pull back and wipe your eyes and nod. "I know." You let out a sigh. "Thank you."

He kisses your forehead. "Come on, let's grab a little something, we've both had a long day." He holds your hand again as he drives to a tiny diner and you pick up a meal that's for one person.

"I don't mind being cold at night sometimes, but we have to eat." You say once you're inside and have the meal on the table.

You scrounge around for some other food and see some vegetables that would go nicely and bread that isn't yet expired and end up making enough with that and the warm meal you bought to be enough for both of you.

"See? You make wonderful meals." Levi encourages you and you smile, thankful for him.

You sit and eat by candle light to save on the electric and it's pretty cozy. You eat well tonight and go to put up your tree.

You flip the light switch so you can admire it and gasp. "It's beautiful!" You love the green, blue and red. It's your perfect little Christmas tree.

Levi holds you in his arms and kisses you.

"Thank you." You say, resting on his chest as you look at the tree.

"You're welcome, love." He kisses your forehead, and soon after pulls you to bed.

He folds the blanket twice and wraps you in it, while he takes the sheet.

"I don't want you to be cold." You say, holding him tight.

"Don't you worry about me. You just hold me and keep me warm." He smiles as you nod and try to move your weight onto him.

You exchange soft 'I love you's as you drift off to sleep.

Levi wakes in the morning, kissing your sleeping form, knowing you don't have to wake up yet.

He's a little cold but not freezing, and you seem pretty warm still.

He starts to get ready for work, wondering if there's any extra side jobs he can do.

Last night he dipped into the money he wanted to use to buy you something nice with that tree. But you needed it, and he was happy to give it to you.

After making sure you're still sound asleep, he locks up and heads to work, stopping to use a few dollars to fill the gas some.

He makes a cup of tea at work before his shift. It's not great but at least this way he doesn't use your water or electric.

His phone rings suddenly and it's his mother calling.

"Mom, what are you doing up this early?" He asks.

"I know you've been working long hours and wanted to say hello." She tells him.

He smiles. He loves talking to her.

"How are you Levi? How's my daughter in law? I'd like to see you soon." She isn't far away but knows you've been trying to adjust to married life.

"We're getting by." He says vaguely, and Kuchel catches the way he says it.

"Levi, what's wrong?" She asks in her mom way that says not to lie to her.

Levi sighs. "We're just a little behind on bills. Things are kind of tough. She lost some hours at her job and is worrying." Levi doesn't mention not eating properly or being cold at night, but he doesn't have to.

"Honey! You need to call me! I can help you." Kuchel cannot believe he hasn't told her sooner. All she knows is you two are very happy together.

"I don't want to bother you! I'm.. I'm really trying here mom." He let's his voice crack. All he wants to do is take care of you like you deserve, and not have to have someone come to the rescue.

"You keep trying your best. I know you both are, don't worry. And don't be afraid to say something!" She says sternly.

"Okay.. um. Look I'll pay you back, but can I borrow a little money? For gas and to get her something nice? I'll figure the rest out." He hates having to ask this of her.

"Of course! I'll drive over later before you get off. She doesn't need to know. And I'll bring you a nice homemade meal. You say you got it at your work party." Kuchel thinks of anything she can do for you.

"Okay. Thank you. I should go clock in now, I'm a little late. But, I really appreciate this." She's the best mother he could ever ask for. And he will pay her back.

"You go to work, don't worry about anything. I love you." Kuchel hangs up and starts planning.

At home you wake up and text Levi 'Good morning' not expecting anything back yet as you know he's working.

You fold the blanket and put on your robe and open the curtains to go look at your Christmas treein the light.

You sit there for a while and look around your apartment. It isn't much, things are difficult, but it's yours, yours and Levis.

Since your hours were cut back you don't have much to do today, and yet are feeling good.

You go for a walk in town and say hello to people and look at all the nice things in display windows.

You see an older woman carrying packages and go to assist her.

"Thank you dear! Would you help me upstairs?" She asks, and you nod.

You help her set the things on her table. It's a nice place. She has a grand Christmas tree.

"Thank you. Oh! I forgot to mail this darn letter!" She pulls it out of a bag.

"Oh, I can go." You offer. You pass a mailbox on the way and don't want her to go out again.

"Would you? That would be such a help. If it's not too much trouble, give this list to the bakery next door."

She gives you a list a page long.

"My family is coming for Christmas." She explains.

"That's nice. Anything else I can do?" It makes you feel good to be useful.

"I think that's all. I appreciate it. What's your name?" She asks, and you tell her.

"What a nice name. Do you have a fella?" She digs around in her purse.

"I do." You smile.

"That's nice dear. I hope you're very happy."

You nod, and she hands you another envelope.

"It's not another letter, it's for you. Do with it what you want. Thank you."

She sends you on your way with the letter, list and envelope, and you drop the things off like she's asked.

You stand on a side street and open the envelope. There's a thank you note.

"Thank you for your kindness. It goes further than you think. We never know what someone is going through. I wish you all the happiness. Here's a little something to brighten your day."

You dig in the envelope again and there's a little money inside and a small gold star Christmas ornament.

You smile and sigh happily. It's enough to do a little something with, and truly make your day brighter.

You think of the man playing guitar last night and hope the small contribution you made, made a difference.

Later in the day Levi has visited his mom and she's given him a little money, some food, and a bunch of hope.

"And don't you dare keep things from me!" She smacks his arm lightly, and he promises not to.

"What's that wonderful smell?" Levi walks into the apartment that smells of spices as he carries his own bags.

Today, when you greet him, you are in a much better mood than yesterday.

"Levi!" You stop your cooking to help him put his things down. "What's all this?"

He kisses you and tells you the truth. "Mom came by. I didn't ask for much but she insisted. Mothers intuition, I guess."

You look at the pans of homemade food and grin and laugh happily, hugging him.

"She's so wonderful! I had a good day too!" You smile.

"I see, what's that amazing smell?"

"We have soup in the pot and veggies roasting in the oven. It's enough for days! I even got some fresh apples and oranges. Now we have too much food!" What a good problem to have.

You tell him about your day and the women you met.

"She was very kind. I used some of the money and bought what was on sale to make this, donated a few dollars to a childrens fund, and we still have some money aside for bills! Not much, but it'll help." You say positively.

Levi holds your cheeks and kisses your mouth. "See? We're okay."

You smile and hug him as you finish dinner.

You eat very well that night and put leftovers in containers to keep fresh for the coming days.

Afterwards you pull out the little star ornament and together place it on your tree.

Levi makes the packs of hot chocolate Kuchel included and you sit and read A Christmas Carol together.

You share fond looks and smiles, and steal kisses throughout.

"I love you sweetheart." You say to him as you lay on the couch together.

"I love you too." He squeezes your sides lovingly and sighs as you run your hands through his hair.

"I'm going to pick up some hours tomorrow. And someone will give me their shift too, so I'll get a whole days work in." You tell Levi, happy you could find something.

"That's great." Levi wishes you didn't have to worry, or work. Maybe one day.

You both get ready for bed and Levi holds out a bag for you. "It's still days till Christmas, but I want you to have it now."

You sit on the bed together and open the large bag, pulling out a large, beautiful green fleece blanket.

You gasp and stand to open it. "It's gorgeous!" You admire it and Levi smiles.

"Do you like it?" Your reaction says you do but Levi wants to make sure.

"Yes!" You throw your arms around him and hold the blanket between you.

Levi chuckles and kisses your cheeks and nose.

"It looks so expensive." You note, looking at him.

"Don't you worry. It's fleece. A warm but inexpensive material. Wool was out of our price range." Levi explains.

You hug him tight. "Thank you my husband. For the tree, the blanket, always being there for me, no matter what." Somehow, you always make it work.

He holds you and strokes your hair. "You never have to thank me, my wonderful wife. You make me so happy."

What started as a dreary holiday season has started to turn around nicely.

Levi tucks you into bed that night, wrapping you both in the new blanket, putting the old one on top for extra warmth.

For the first time in a month, you don't go to sleep cold.

"Thank you." You whisper as you lay in bed together.

"You're never going to be cold again. I promise." Things will get better starting now. You're both sure of it.

END FLASHBACK

"But I heard him exclaim, as he drove out of sight, "Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night!"

As you've been lost in thought, Levi has just finished reading.

You smile as you think of that first Christmas together. After that particular day, things really did turn around.

You both worked hard and things went your way, and slowly you caught up on your bills, had enough food every day, even enough money for small gifts, and as Levi promised, you went to bed warm every night.

You spent a lovely Christmas with friends and family and thanked Kuchel for her help, of which she brushed off and told you to always come to her. You send a thank you note to the woman you met, and you even found the guitar player again and made sure he had a nice meal.

Within a few years, thanks to steady jobs and promotions, your situation went from rough to fair to good to great. And you paid Kuchel back a thousand times over a few years later when you announced you were having a daughter.

"Mommy?" Your daughter looks up at you.

"Oh, sorry sweetie." You realize you had a tear in your eye.

"Are you okay?" She asks.

"Yes my love. I'm just very happy." You kiss her cheek and reach to hold Levis hand.

He knows what you've been thinking of, and is thankful that you've made all these new memories since.

Your daughter doesn't know the whole story, but does know one thing, and though she's been listening to her father read, she's been thinking of you.

She climbs off your lap and disappears into the hallway, your dog jumping up to follow his favorite person.

You look at Levi and smile. "Thank you."

He leans in to kiss you gently.

Suddenly your daughter comes back in with three other blankets and the dog following behind, making you laugh.

"What are you doing?"

She throws them all on you, spreading them out. Levi grins and watches.

She climbs back into your lap and hugs you. "You'll always be warm mommy. Right daddy?"

You smile widely and hold her tightly. "Thank you my sweet girl."

Levi leans over to hug you both. "That's right. And I love you both so much." He kisses you both back and fourth, making you laugh happily, even letting the dog up to cuddle with you.

Levi isn't sure how he got so lucky. He also always remembers that first Christmas, and how you stuck it out together.

All it took was a little help from loved ones, some kindness along the way, and a few fleece blankets.

#rei’s event: happy birthday Levi 2022 #attack on titan #aot #levi ackerman #levi #levi x reader #levi x reader fluff #levi fluff #levi ackerman fluff #captain levi ackerman #levi x reader angst #captain levi #levi ackerman x reader #slight angst #hard times #happy ending #christmas story #kuchel #kuchel ackerman

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everythingisawayoflife · 4 years ago

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sooooo, my first post about sickfic tropes just kinda sat collecting dust until recently when it blew up like crazy so, i guess i’m gonna make another one? i might repeat some stuff but here are more tropes that make me gush :) oh and tw for emeto just to let you know.

i saw a post about this earlier but when A has a chest cold and B tenderly rubs their chest to sooth the aches or rubs Vaporub on them like thats very sweet

something about the line “I don’t feel good” or “I don’t feel (very) well” is so adorable (bonus pts if A cuddles up to B while saying so)

when B dotes over a slightly annoyed A but B only does so because they’re worried

when a fever slowly overtakes A and makes them sicker as the hours go on (like they wake up fine but around noon they feel like absolute shit)

When A starts crying over a tiny little thing that frustrates them and when B goes over to comfort them, they realize oh shit they’re really sick

A being carried bridal style to a bed or couch or something when they pass out or if they’re too sick to walk

A being too exhausted to do anything

A apologizing for being sick and B quickly reassuring them it isn’t their fault

BREAKFAST IN BED OR ANY SORT OF MEAL IN BED WHILE B SITS AND CHATS WITH A

When B initally assumes a stand-offish A is just tired but when B sees them asleep on a couch and gets closer to A, B realizes that A is actually very sick

A waking up B in the middle of the night by coughing super hard and not being able to contain it (bonus pts if B rubs their back while they suffer the worst of their coughing fit)

B waking up to realizing A isn’t in bed with them and finding them crouched over the toilet, extremely nauseous

picture this: B is standing besides A’s bed while taking their temperature and A just leans their fevered forehead into B’s stomach while B runs their fingers thru A’s sweaty hair

when A is so congested, they talk funny

when it HURTS TO BREATHE (is that violent)

Let’s say A is crazy delirious and B has been tending to then all day and out of nowhere, A mistakes B for someone else like a mother or father figure and it just tugs on B’s heartstrings seeing A in such a vulnerable position

When A has to steady themselves on something so they don’t fall over

AFFECTIONATE NICKNAMES (baby, honey, my love, my darling, dear, sweetheart, etc)

examples: “oh honey, you don’t look so good” “you’ve got the flu, baby” “Stay in bed, sweetheart, I’ll be right back” “It’s okay, dear. It was just a fever dream” “You look pale, darling, are you sure you’re okay?”

y’all better be taking notes on these

B talking in hushed tones so they don’t make A’s headache or migraine any worse

shivering (bonus pts if the sick person feels freezing but to someone else, they’re on fire)

when A is super pale with the exception of this feverish blush across their face

FLU SEASON

when A is the type to be like “psh no I never get sick” and while that has been true, their streak is broken and they refuse to admit it

or, alternatively, A never gets sick but when they do, it’s very bad

“Will you stay?” “Of course I will.”

When A says “I’m so tired” in a very dry tone before passing out

A has a sore throat and when B looks to check it, their throat is all red and swollen (i’m a squeamish person but I like very good descriptions of someone who is sick)

When B says to a crying and feverish A, “Hey, it’s okay, you’re gonna be okay. Don’t cry, you’re only gonna make yourself sicker.”

B absolutely refusing to leave A’s side while they suffer, even though they’re barely getting any sleep

“You need to lie down.”

“Shh, stay down, your fever is too high.”

If you’ve heard the song “Wonderful Tonight” by Eric Clapton, it’s actually a somewhat whumpy song (covering this in the next few bulletpoints)

It’s based on something that happened with Clapton and his wife before going to a party thrown by George Harrison, I believe

The lyrics detail a man telling his wife she looks “wonderful tonight”. First when she’s getting ready, next when she asks him if he’s okay and he says he feels wonderful, and thirdly, he tells her while he is bedridden that she was wonderful tonight

The wife asks him if he feels alright and he responds with that he feels wonderful but later goes home due to an “aching head”—now he could just be drunk but I like to picture it as that he is sick and denies it throughout the night but they go home early because his wife realized how sick he was and drives him home because he’s too ill to do it himself and she later puts him straight to bed

that’s just my interpretation and it’s probably an incorrect one but I like to think that this is the case when I listen to the song

A claiming they are just tired the night before and then waking up the next day feeling and looking horribly

A being covered in a ridiculous amount of layers because they’re so fucking cold

or alternatively, they kick off everything that’s on them because they’re boiling

A deliriously telling B “you take such good care of me” with a dopey smile on their face

B helping A sit upright since they can’t do it themselves

Another picture this: A and B go to this party (separately, they aren’t together yet) and A finds themself feeling worse as the night goes on and eventually decides to take a nap on the thrower of the party’s couch because they’re “just a little tired, that’s all”. B wakes up in a completely different place only to find out A drove them to their place and tended to them through the night

i feel like no one talks about ear infections enough? i had one when i was little and even though i don’t remember much about it, i remember crying because it hurt a lot and i never wanna go through that much pain again

when B initially makes fun of A for being congested and having a funny voice and then becomes more caring and serious when A takes a turn for the worse

“I’b not sick *loud snort*”

when B makes A tea with honey to soothe their sore throat (or chicken noodle soup)

cold washcloths for a hot forehead

“You’re running a temperature”

“You’re burning up”

When B still wants to cuddle and touch A despite A protesting that B will catch whatever A has

When A’s sleeping and B throws a blanket over their shoulders

B forcing A to sit or lie down by pressing on their shoulders

When B’s hands move up from A’s neck to cheeks to forehead when checking for a temperature

i said this before but kissing A’s forehead to check for a fever

A being like “B, I think I’m gonna—” before taking off the find the nearest container to vomit into

or alternatively, not being able to make it in time and throwing up on the floor and feeling really guilty for it

A curling into themselves when they have an upset stomach or just really bad aches and cramps (bonus pts if they’re near tears or are already in tears)

B using homemade remedies to try and make A feel better and not being able to make it like “mom/grandma used to”

A walking around the house, hunched over and dragging a long blanket around the house

#sickfic #whump #fever whump #flu #fever #emeto tw #vomiting #whump community #whump prompts #fainting #nausea #congestion #fanfiction #sickfics #this post is longggg #the way i can write a bunch of prompts but when it comes to actual writing #i cant do shit

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starrynite7114 · 5 years ago

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snapshots: assumptions

A/N: I cannot believe I have been regularly updating, but the muse has been so strong. I would like to thank @iambabyharry for listening to my crazy vents about this story.

I would just like to apologize now, there is some angst in this chapter.

If you would like to be added to the taglist for snapshots, please let me know!

Hope you all like the update!

Taglist: @iambabyharry; @thegirlwhowritesfics

Masterlist

“You can’t do this,” Rafael frowned as you packed your things. Ares was lying beside Rafael, watching you as well as you placed clothes in a box.

“Rafa, I just,” you sighed, holding the edges of the box that had your clothing. “He’s having a baby with Adelita, I don’t want to be here for that. I can’t take that.”

“You don’t even know that! It’s all assumptions at this point!” Rafael was frustrated to say the least. Your spontaneous actions were definitely causing his blood pressure to rise since he knew he would have to deal with the aftermath. Angel was going to come knocking on his door, demanding to know where you were. “You always do this, you need to communicate with him.”

“There’s no point, he would want me to stay and I can’t do that. I know it sounds selfish, but this is just like my father.” You purse your lips, taking the box down.

“Angel is madly in love with you, don’t be stupid.”

“I’m due to be in Arizona next week, there’s no changing my mind now.”

Rafael groaned. “You’re such a pain in the ass.”

“I don’t expect you to agree with my decision, but as my best friend, can’t you just show me some support here, Angel has been cheating on me.”

You always knew it was too good to be true. That the ship had sailed for Angel when it came to Adelita. She most likely rejected him and he ran to you. That thought was always at the back of your mind and you could usually keep it at bay but after everything that has occurred the last month and a half, your decision had been made.

It wasn’t a spontaneous decision. At first, you could live with the recent revelations you found out. There were other options after all if you could not have kids. But finding out still broke your heart.

======================

You sat down, awaiting for the nurse to call you. After having your yearly check-up with the doctor, you decided to schedule an appointment with an OBGYN since you were much more sexually active than you have been before. No birth control as Angel specifically asked that you stopped. At first you were opposed to it, but at this point, you were ready to have children, you’ve been ready. You had your initial exam with the OBGYN 2 weeks ago and now, you were following up.

“Ms. Y/L/N,” you heard the nurse call out.

You stood up, giving her a smile as you walked past her. She led you to one of the examination rooms, sitting on the bed. You waited for the OBGYN to come, anxiously waiting for her to come. Coming here was a bit premature, but you just wanted to make sure everything was in order. You and Angel were ready to have kids. It was a big step, considering everything that you both had going on, but there was never really a good time to have kids.

What mattered was that you were both financially stable, to some extent, and you would be able to provide for your children.

It frightened you, but it felt right at the same time. You couldn’t explain it, but you were ready, especially since Angel was so eager to have a child. He was going to be a great father, you just knew it. He doted over your niece whenever she was in town and you couldn’t want to see Angel with a daughter of his own.

Your OBGYN, Dr. Preci walked in, giving you a warm smile as she always did when you’ve seen her before.

“How are you?” She greeted as she sat in front of you.

“Good, kind of eager, how are you doing?”

“I’m well, busy day as always,” she opened your folder and a quick grimace graced her face before it went back to a smile, except it looked tighter than before.

That made your stomach churn.

“When you have sexual intercourse with your partner, do you use protection?”

You shook your head. “No, I guess in some ways we’ve been trying to have a child.”

Dr. Preci nodded her head. “I see,” she wrote some notes down. “We checked all your lab works, which showed abnormal hormone levels, which we can easily prescribe medication for. However, your ultrasound was a bit concerning.”

“How so?”

“Well, uterine fibroids were noted in your ultrasound and with your history of irregular periods and uterine fibroids, we would like to do further testing to assure that everything is well in order.”

“Further testing?” You were frightened, did you have cancer? Your irregular periods never bothered you since it was nice to not feel pain for a long period of time. Your periods were always so painful. Whenever you did have your time of the month, you were always incapacitated due to the pain. For some reason, you always thought that this was how it was normally for everyone and Midol did help every once in a while.

“We cannot guarantee till we get further testing, but I’m afraid that you will not be able to conceive a child.”

======================

You remember the day so well and after further testing, you found out 2 weeks ago that you couldn’t have children. You felt as if you were stabbed in the heart, over and over again as the words repeated in your head. Ares was your companion for 2 days, refusing to talk to Angel as you knew it would greatly disappointment him. When you finally had the courage to speak to him, your world shattered all over again.

======================

Taking a deep breath, you exited your car that you parked outside of the scrapyard. You could do this. You and Angel could adopt or even discuss other options with Dr. Preci. Waving a quick hello to Chucky, you walked quickly towards the clubhouse. But you halt your steps when you see Adelita, a very pregnant Adelita with Angel. You felt your heart clench as your eyes landed on Angel, with a look of such admiration and happiness, caressing her abdomen.

Adelita cupped his face, softly caressing it and you couldn’t breathe. Quickly, you turned around and made your way back to your car. You faintly heard Chucky call out to you, but you were in your car, already thinking of a way to leave. You were finally able to live with the fact that you couldn’t give Angel a child. But you never even thought that he could have another baby with another woman. You wouldn’t be able to stay by his side as selfish as that sounded because you wouldn’t fully have Angel.

With Adelita pregnant, that meant he must have cheated on you. She didn’t look more than 6 months and you’ve been together for close to 9 months. You felt sick to your stomach as the picture replayed in your mind.

You weren’t going to be the other woman, this just reminded you of the situation of your father and how he left you all for another woman since your mother could not conceive another child. It hit far too close to home.

You made the decision then and there that you were leaving. You were going to break up with Angel and that unborn child could have a complete family with Angel and Adelita.

======================

That was 3 weeks ago and you’ve been playing your part with Angel since then.

You played like nothing was wrong, but you knew Angel could tell you were pulling away. You weren’t actively avoiding him, but club business has kept him away. The movers were going to be here in an hour to bring your stuff to the moving truck and drive it to Arizona for you. Rafael was going with you to drop you off and he was gonna fly back to San Diego.

This was the cowards way out and you knew that, but you couldn’t help it. You didn’t pack up your whole apartment, just most of your clothing was going with you. The company you worked for provided your housing that was furnished. The only thing you truly needed was your own personal items.

“I am your best friend, which is why I’m trying to prevent you from making a big mistake.” Rafael helplessly watched as you went back in your closet to get another box of clothing done.

“So you’re saying I should just suck it up and watch Angel have a baby with another woman?”

“Ugh, you’re being so difficult! Of course not, I just want you to get all your facts checked before moving to another fucking state.” Rafael has had this argument with you numerous times, but once your mind was made up, it was hard to change.

“For what?! The facts are there! How do I actually know he’s doing club business? They’re working with Adelita now.” you felt the tears well up and fall from your eyes. You never went into depth with Rafael on what the club did, it was for his own safety after all.

“Babe, I get it, but you’re overreacting without even talking to him.” Rafael felt it was a moot point to try and sway you, but he had to try. He thought you and Angel were perfect together. If you only saw what he saw every time you were with Angel. And for a person who once threatened Angel’s position in your life, Rafael experienced first hand just how much Angel cherished you .

“You don’t get it, it never made sense. Angel’s gonna be just like my dad who left my mom cause she couldn’t conceive any longer. I’m just beating him to the punch.”

“This is actually insulting towards Angel, you think Angel is going to be just like your father? How could you even think that? Angel is nothing like your father.”

Your father left your mother when you were younger. You never truly understood till your mother explained what happened. She didn’t try to make your father look like an awful man, he made his choice since he wanted more children. Though, your father has tried to reach out to you and your sister, he was happy with his new family and quite frankly, you didn’t want him anywhere near you.

“I didn’t think my father was an asshole too till he never came back.”

“This is misplaced anger, I think you need to talk to Angel and straighten this out.”

“There’s no point, besides he’ll just lie to me.” Your anxiety has been at an all time high as of late. You hated how the insecurities that you’ve tried to bury for years have been plaguing your mind, no matter how hard you tried to push them away. Rafael made complete sense, you should talk to Angel, but you had nothing to offer him. Adelita was someone Angel was in love with, he told you so and now, she’s pregnant with his child, something you could never give him. Maybe you could stay by his side, but you knew you wouldn’t be able to do so. Knowing Angel has possibly cheated on you and conceived a child, that was too much for you to bear. You should have known this was something that was coming, everything was too fucking good between you two.

“Your anxiety is really doing a number on you, I know it’s not something you can control, but he’s your best friend, you know him better than anyone.”

“I know him better than anyone, that’s why I know what he’s going to do. Angel Reyes is a charming man who knows how to get himself out of trouble,” you slightly chuckle at your own description of Angel. “I love him so much that I’m willing to let him go.”

“You’re making a big mistake babe,”

“I’ll live with the consequences.”

======================

Angel quickly made his way up the stairs of your apartment, not even waiting for the elevator. He had to see you. He hasn’t seen you in a few days and all he wanted to do was hold you. It was a tough few days with the altercation with EZ then the information Happy had given them. All he wanted to do was tell you all about it as he held you. If anything, he wanted to hear all about what he missed out with you. He hadn’t spoken to you for a day since he wanted to just travel home and talk to you then.

Opening your apartment, he was surprised that Ares didn’t greet him by the door. Even though Ares was still loyal to you, he warmed up to Angel to some extent.

“Baby!” He called out to you.

Closing the door behind him, he removed his boots and kutte. His eyebrow raised noticing that your apartment seemed so much more bare. He knew you liked to clean every other weekend since Ares’ fur got all over your things. Usually you were at Angel’s on the weekends, but since he wanted to surprise you, he didn’t let you know he was coming back.

“Baby girl!” He figured you walked Ares or something, the dog did have far too much energy for his own good at times.

Angel walked further inside your apartment and became nervous. Ares’ bowls were not in your kitchen. Ares had his own bowls at his house, so there was no reason for his bowls to not be there.

“What the fuck,” he murmured as he noticed that your Keurig was no longer in the kitchen.

He was confused to say the least. He ran over to your room and there were less pillows on your bed. Your charger was not by your bedside drawer. Your computer was missing from your desk. He walked over to your closet and it was almost bare. Angel’s heart dropped. There was no way you moved. He must be in another fucking apartment. Maybe you went on a vacation or something. He couldn’t wrap his mind around you leaving without so much of a word.

“No, this is not fucking happening.” Angel wasn’t even sure what to think, all he knew was that this was a fucking nightmare and anxiety was slowly taking over his body.

Walking out of your room, he noticed an envelope on your kitchen counter. He quickly grabbed it, ripping it open, a set of keys dropping on the counter. It was the keys to his apartment.

Opening the letter, he sank to the floor as he read it.

Angel,

I’m sorry you had to find out in this way, but I moved. Please don’t come look for me. I grabbed my stuff from your apartment, if I left anything, please just throw it away or sell it, whichever you want. Please leave my keys in the mailbox so my landlord can come collect it.

Just remember, all I want is for you to be happy and I’m glad you’ll have that with your family. I always thought that we were a fluke and you deciding to give us a chance because you didn’t want to lose our friendship, I’m grateful for that. I understand if you mistook your love for me as your friend for something more, no hard feelings.

I will always love you, but it would be best for us to just admire one another from afar.

You’re the best thing that ever happened to me. This isn’t on you, this is on me. I don’t deserve you and you should pursue the person you truly want to be with.

Love always, Y/N

Angel reread the letter numerous times, trying to decipher the message. Was this a cruel joke? He wasn’t fucking laughing. He crumpled the paper, refusing to believe this letter. You would talk to him, this fucking letter made no sense.

What family?

What person?

You were the only person he wanted to be with. This just made no sense to him. Who the fuck were you talking about? He’s made it clear time and time again that it was you and him from here on out.

Did someone kidnap you? There was no fucking way, he would know. If someone kidnapped you, they would have made some noise by now.

He took out his cellphone, dialing your number. It rang and rang, but no answer. He called you 10 times and every time, there was no answer.

Then the thought crossed his mind, what if you left him for Gabriel?

He shook his head, that wasn’t possible. You didn’t even speak to Gabriel, there was no way you left him for another man. But the idea screamed at him at the back of his mind.

What did your letter even mean?

Mistaking this relationship as a scheme to keep you by his side? The more he thought of the words you put in that letter, the angrier he became. He knew he did a number on you by promising to marry you when you two were older, but he always thought it was for your own good. He was going to be your last choice because you were able to experience other people and at the end you two were meant to be together. He didn’t know it would backfire so hard that you would be insecure about his feelings for you.

This was ridiculous. You weren’t going to leave him, there was no fucking way. This had to be a cruel prank.

He fucking prayed it was a cruel prank.

Angel got to his feet, rummaging through your apartment. He noticed that there were less things around, things you used day to day were no longer scattered around your apartment. Before Angel could even register, he left your apartment, getting on his bike and rushed to his apartment.

Once he arrived at his apartment, he looked through his closet and drawers. As you had stated, your stuff was gone.

Angel didn’t even notice EZ was in his living room, calling out to him. EZ went inside Angel’s room and found his brother with his head in his hands, sitting down at the edge of his bed.

“Angel, you okay?”

Looking up at his younger brother, EZ saw the tears in his brother’s eyes. “She left me.” His voice cracked as he told his brother.

“What?” EZ wasn’t certain he heard correctly.

“She fucking left me Ezekiel!” Angel shouted. “Y/N left me man,” he whispered, “she fucking left me.”

EZ watched as his brother fell apart in front of him, not believing his words. You would never leave him. You and Angel have been attached to the hip ever since you two were teenagers. With everything you’ve been through, EZ never thought you would leave him.

“There’s no way, she wouldn’t leave you.”

Angel took out his phone again, calling you. Your voicemail was what he got once again.

“Baby, this isn’t fucking funny. Pick up your phone, please, let’s talk. What’s going on? We can talk about this.” He pleaded before hanging up and calling you once again. Again, no answer. “Call her.”

EZ took out his phone, calling you and much like for Angel, you didn’t answer. “Hey, you okay? Can you call me back? You have us worried here. Whatever is going on, let us help you.” He hung up, looking at Angel who was holding a letter in his hands. “She left you a letter, what did she say?”

“That we’re done.”

Angel couldn’t wrap his mind around this whole thing. What happened? He didn��t talk to you for one day and you were gone? He didn’t do anything. He knew he didn’t. You weren’t petulant enough to not speak to him just cause you two did not speak for a day.

“It makes no sense,” EZ took the letter from Angel’s hand, skimming through it. “What person? What family?”

“I DONT FUCKING KNOW!” Angel yelled out, the situation was so fucking frustrating. “How can she fucking do this?”

“Don’t jump to conclusions, she’ll come back. She can’t stay away from you.”

Angel nodded his head. He shouldn’t. This was going to pass, it will. He was going to call you till you got fucking tired of hearing your phone ring. Once he does, you’ll straighten it out and you’ll be back in his arms again. He didn’t even give a fuck what your reason was, he just wanted you to come back.

But you weren’t.

You weren’t coming back.

Not this time.

#Angel Reyes #angel reyes fanfiction #angel reyes fanfic #angel reyes fic #angel reyes x reader #angel reyes x you #mayans imagine #mayans mc imagine

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fauzhee10069 · 4 years ago

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The Rock-Women, extinct or exist? (JoJolion)

This post is related to these posts:

JJBA Youthful Moms

The Biology of Rock-Humans

With the rise of youthful looking moms in JJBA, has Araki lost his ability in drawing 'old people'?

Araki’s evolving art-style

First, let's review his art-style and art-revolution in previous parts:

Part 1: Phantom Blood

I don’t really remember any significant old people here, so I’ll give it a pass.

Part 2: Battle Tendency

There was grandma Erina and Speedwagon in their 70s, both really looked their age.

There were also Straizo in his 70s and a 50 years old Lisa Lisa, as hamon users, they appeared younger than their age. Initially, Straizo looked like in his 50s and then in his 20s after he turned into vampire. Lisa Lisa looked like in her 20s, her youthful look had a purpose in-story and also got in-world recognition.

Then, there was also Erina in her 50s when she was holding baby Joseph, she really looked her age.

Part 3: Stardust Crusaders

There was this villainous villain named Enya Geil and she really looked old.

Then, a 69 years old grandpa Joseph really looked a granpa, despite being a hamon user. Readers believe that he rarely practices because he was lazy, but there is also wholesome speculation that he wanted to age together with his wife.

And Joseph’s wife, Suzy Q who is also a grandma looked old according to her age.

There was DIO who should be +100 years old, but just like Lisa Lisa and Straizo, as a vampire, he looked much younger than his actual age. Therefore, his youthful look had a purpose in-story.

Part 4: Diamond is Unbreakable

In part 4, there was Josuke’s grandpa, Higashikata Ryohei at 55 years old. He did look like a grandpa.

Then, a 79 years old Joseph who looked very old and frail.

There were also Kira’s parents who were in their old age.

Part 5: Vento Aureo/Golden Wind

Just like in part 1, I don’t recall any significant old people in this story, but there was a Stand named 「The Grateful Dead」 with its terrifying ability to forcefully age people over a large area. Araki had drawn the aging too well.

Part 6: Stone Ocean

I don’t really remember significant old character but I know about the user of 「Dragon’s Dream」, a 78 years old elderly prisoner named Kenzo. He looked bizarrely old like Enya Geil. But I think this part could be the beginning of the aging problem for certain parent characters.

First, Jolyne's mom (whom sadly never named) didn't really look like a middle-aged woman. Although her age was never mentioned, I believe that she should be in her 40s or at least late 30s which should be her youngest estimated age.

Then there was Mrs. Bluemarine, left panel is when her son was still a baby then the right panel is around 15 years later when she confessed her sin. Not only her face remained unchanged (with no apparent aging), the hairstyle and dress are hilariously not changed.

And the meme of Jotaro ages backwards is not without reason.

Part 7: Steel Ball Run

This part also has a similar problem with the previous, the main villain of part 7, Funny Valentine (43/48) in his sexy form (late appearance) didn’t look much older than Johnny (19) and Diego (20), when he should have been more than twice their age, old enough to be their dads. Can you see their age difference on these panels?

But interestingly, Araki was also able to draw the differences in age and facial features of the two females (Lucy and Scarlet), as the former (the 14 years old girl) eventually had to impersonate the later. I also believe that the first lady Scarlet was in late 30s or in her 40s.

Then, there was also Stephen Steel who was around 51-53 years old and he looked his age.

Perhaps in this case, Araki just wanted to tell that Funny Valentine was older than he looked.

And now, we reached JoJolion (part 8) that likely suffers from the ‘youthful moms’ syndrome. So how did this begin?

The Middle-Aged Moms and their looks in JoJolion

Kira Holy Joestar

The first middle-aged woman to be introduced in JJL was Kira Holy Joestar, a 52 years old woman. Interestingly, she really looked her age, a middle-aged woman.

This early Holy also has similar facial feature with Scarlet Valentine

In fact, I think Araki did really well when he drew her as we can see the age difference between Holy (52) and Yasuho (19) clearly, a thing I highly praise because Araki did not rely using the frown lines on the sides of the mouth to illustrate the aging.

Hirose Suzuyo

Another woman that we can consider as a middle-aged woman is Yasuho’s mom, Hirose Suzuyo. Even though she is younger than Holy, being 44 years old can already be considered a middle-aged.

But together with Yasuho on the same panel, she doesn't look much older than her daughter. She basically looks like Yasuho’s older sister than her mom.

And if you prefer '43' to be the correct age of Funny Valentine, then it would make Suzuyo a year older than the president (in their respective timeline).

(Higashikata) Caato

Then this infamous gilf who rocked readers in her early debut and still being hyped by her supporters, (Higashikata) Caato:

Being 52 years old, she is the same age as Kira Holy Joestar, but her appearances and the fact that she already had a grandson makes the readers thought that her youthful look must have ‘a reason’:

Is she secretly a rock woman?

Is she a fusion of two people by Rokakaka fruit that caused her stop aging (an outdated theory from redditors due to her strange eyes)?

Will her attractive look signify that she will be the main villain (like Funny Valentine)?

Besides, during her family reunion, it seemed that Araki no longer bothered to make her distinguishable and significantly belong to different generation from her daughter Hato.

Though I think, there was a moment when Caato kinda look her age just like Holy in her early debut:

What is behind their youthful looks?

I think it is kinda unfair to think that only Caato who purposely looks youthful while disregarding the other moms’ look. Holy's first debut with her middle-aged look was in chapter 14, then Yasuho’s mom, Suzuyo even debuted earlier back in chapter 8 and she already looked attractive and youthful there. Only then did Caato made her debut in chapter 55.

Many readers also don't consider Holy's appearance during the Vitamin C arc, flashback where she met Josefumi and her son Yoshikage. The timeline at the time should be around 2010, because a chapter earlier (50), Yoshikage talked about Iwakiri, a baseball player who was taking a year off since 2009 due to an injury. Then Josefumi and Kira Yoshikage took action to steal Locacaca's branch until afterwards headed to a scene with Holy.

JJL chapter 51: Vitamin C and Killer Queen – part 2

In other words, a year ago (2010), Holy was already in her early 50s! And her face here definitely looks younger than her face when she debuted for the first time. We can argue that perhaps her older look in present time (her debut) was caused by her strange illness, as people who are sick often appear older than usual.

But in Holy's most recent appearance in chapter 92, she looks much younger than her age:

Her wiki page also agrees and has described her appearance that she still having her ‘youthful look’:

Holy Joestar-Kira’s wikia page

So, here is the breakdown:

Hirose Suzuyo (Yasuho’s mom)’s debut in chapter 8, aged 44, she is older than she looks.

Kira Holy Joestar’s debut in chapter 14, aged 52, she looked her age.

Kira Holy Joestar’s appearance in chapter 51, aged 51, she is older than she looks.

(Higashikata) Caato’s debut in chapter 55, aged 52, she is older than she looks.

Kira Holy Joestar’s recent appearance in chapter 92, aged 52, she is older than she looks.

The mystery is why Araki changed Holy's appearance from her initial debut? Why does she become younger than before? Did he do this on purpose or is this purely due to his evolving art?

The Hidden Rock Woman and The Red Herrings

What is ‘female rock-human’ in general?

They are indistinguishable from (carbon-based) female humans.

Their life span is ±240 years (just like the males).

They can be older than they look (just like the males).

They need to hibernate (just like the males).

Their gestation period is 6 months and give birth in the spring and summer.

They rarely (if ever) have affection for or a parental relationship with their children.

Their babies have an average body length of 28 mm and weight of 15 grams.

They can procreate with human males.

As Araki has brought up about the existence of rock-human females in chapter 99, coupled with the possibility of reproduction with (carbon-based) human males, readers have created various theories about them.

(Higashikata) Caato

The most popular theory nowadays is about “Caato as the rock-woman”. Since the beginning, this female character is often hyped as the character who will play a major role, mostly in antagonist side, be it as the main villain and (now) as ‘the rock-woman’.

I think there are a lot of made-up theories and far-fetched reasons created by her supporters, problems regarding the theory of "Caato as the rock-woman" have been mostly explained in my previous post:

Is Caato a Rock-Woman?

Even so, I myself have not dared to confirm that Caato can’t be a rock-woman. However, my post there was more to show how forced, flawed and ridiculous the theories made by her supporters. I am worried that this would be 'the case of bad writing' so I also hope that Araki would not make it happen.

But if Araki is going to make Caato a female rock-human in the future, I hope that he can provide a nice explanation with a story that makes sense and is not forced. Still, I think to make Caato a rock-woman will be the most complicated choice.

We never saw the signs of Caato as a rock-human. In her flashback, she had already behaved very different from the rock-woman, she was shown as a doting mom, she really loves Jobin and took care of him, in contrast to rock-woman who abandoned her newborn baby. She didn’t want Jobin to get hurt, she almost cried (see the beginning scene when he climbed a tree), she was very worried about him. Unlike the rock-women, Caato certainly has affection to her children.

Then we’ve also seen how her children grew up like any normal human in contrast to the bizarre growth of the rock-humans:

We still don’t know what happens to the baby born from reproduction between human males and rock-women? A human babies, rock-babies or crossbreeds?

Then with the four children of Norisuke IV and Caato, we also have to begin questioning again about what Jobin, Hato, Joshu and Daiya truly are? Are they half rock-humans, fully rock-humans or just regular humans? The problem is: we’ve been following their characters and there is absolutely no hint that these four were somewhat different from regular humans.

If the crossbreeds are somewhat different than the normal humans, then Araki will need to further develop not just one, but “four characters!” to show how they slightly differ from normal humans. Then if Jobin is a half rock-human with Mitsuba as regular human female, is it possible for Tsurugi to be born then? This will also be a problem that must be resolved in the story.

As rock-humans need to hibernate, how is he going to show that Caato need it too? Or perhaps she is fighting it off? A Caatofag has theorized that she uses Locacaca to be able to do that, as her son Jobin has access to the fruit, this kinda makes sense. However, there are many plotholes in this theory that need to be explored.

The fact that Caato became a model prisoner and was able to perform the penal hard labor for 15 years should be contradicting the idea of her as a rock-woman, but a Caatofag uses Locacaca as the reason of why she was able to do that, because in chapter 32, Yotsuyu was able to cure the dog Iwasuke of the rock-disease by feeding it a piece of a it. But what about Aishō? The member of Damokan Group did not use Locacaca to fight off his hibernation, he still needed to hibernate and that was the cause of his break up with his (then) girlfriend.

Besides, if Caato fights off her hibernation to hide her status as a rock-woman, she should have done it since her marriage to Norisuke IV, as her (then) husband just found out about the existence of rock-humans after the death of Yotsuyu.

This meant that Caato should have used Locacaca long before she was incarcerated. Then if she already used it during her marriage to Norisuke IV, it should include the flashback in chapter 64 as well, when she cured Jobin of the rock-disease using equivalent exchange on Higashikata’s land. Why did she use her late mother-in-law’s method instead of Locacaca (which allegedly in her possession)? Isn't Locacaca the fruit believed to be able to heal the rock-disease?

Then supposed that the rock-disease that has befallen the Higashikata family is the result of reproduction between human male and rock-woman, Caato as ‘a rock-woman’ can’t be the cause because the disease has already existed since several generations before and had afflicted the daughter of the first generation of Norisuke (I), Higashikata Rina.

We have seen how Caato handled the family curse in the past (chapter 64) and in that scene we did not see any hint of her as ‘a rock-human’ and her relation with the curse. It will be convoluted and redundant to have Caato reappears as a rock-human and involve her in Higashikata’s family curse once again. In short, Araki will need a lot of build-up to make Caato a rock-woman.

Kira Holy Joestar

Then, there is Kira Holy Joestar. If Caato becomes a candidate for secret rock-woman due to her youthful look (and various wild speculations), then Holy also deserved to be a candidate for the same reason.

Unlike Caato, in which her knowledge regarding Locacaca and her connection to the rock-humans are still pure speculations, Holy is already closer to both of these things (Locacaca & rock-humans). She has done scientific analysis on Locacaca and also knows about the rock-humans organization (Head Doctor gang and Damokan Group).

However, making Holy a rock-woman is probably more impossible than Caato because she is a descendant of Joestar family with very clear lineage too.

Johnny is clearly not a rock-human while Rina, she could be a descended from a rock-human (if that is the reason for the existence of the ‘rock-disease’). Holy can’t be a full blooded rock-human, but she can still be a crossbreed or a descendant of a rock-human.

By looking at Joestar family tree, it is still possible to make Johnny's son or grandson to marry a rock-woman. The rock-woman could be Elizabeth or Suzie Q, but I am more inclined to have Elizabeth as ‘the rock-woman’, she could be a little callback from Lisa Lisa in part 2 with her youthful look and how Lisa Lisa was made to abandon baby Joseph in the past. This can also be a nice parallelism to the rock-women's nature in abandoning their newborn baby.

In addition, Holy as a descendant of rock-human/crossbreed can be served as a nice reason of why the Head Doctor gang used Holy as their test subject.

Unfortunately, unlike the rock-woman, Holy also has affection to her children, even to other children whom she did not give birth to. However, if the speculation is only limited to "Holy as a descendant of rock-human", then this is still possible, because her traits might have been mixed with normal human’s traits.

Another problem is that Araki also has to build up Holy’s children, Yoshikage and Kyo, that they also have to descend from rock-human. However, they are still easier to build-up than Caato's children, as Yoshikage is already dead and Kyo rarely shows up.

If Kira Yoshikage is descended from rock-human, then Yoshikage who has turned into Josuke will make Josuke (the main protagonist) a part of rock-human as well. This can be an astonishing parallel if both Josuke and Tooru (as the main villain) are somewhat rock-humans (suppose that Tooru will be the main villain).

The next problem is about the existence of rock-disease that has befallen to the Higashikata family. If the crossbreeding between a human male and rock-woman was the cause of it, why didn't the curse fall on Johnny's descendants? It only ever struck his wife Rina in the past. Johnny's method in 1901 might have succeeded in protecting his descendants from the curse.

Holy's illness which was initially thought to be a part of family curse is apparently the product of illegal experiment. Therefore, will it be possible if Holy is a descendant of rock-human?

Hirose Suzuyo

Lastly, there is also Hirose Suzuyo who is still attractive at 44 years old, despite being several years younger than Holy and Caato, her youthful look should also be a consideration as well.

I think making Suzuyo the secret rock-woman would be the easiest choice compared to Caato and Holy. Out of the three characters, she has the least development and this instead becomes her advantage.

Caato and Norisuke IV have divorced and this is often used as an excuse by supporters that their failed relationship was caused by one of them (Caato) being a rock-human.

Caato is not the only person who has been divorced, Josefumi’s mother Kiyomi and Yasuho’s mom Suzuyo have also been divorced. Therefore, Suzuyo could have the excuse that her divorce from her husband could be the result of an incompatible relationship between a human and a rock-human.

JJL chapter 71: Hairclip of the Qing Dynasty

Chapter 46 told that “95% of rock-humans are Stand users”, Caato and (allegedly) Holy are Stand users, but what about Suzuyo?

Maybe yes maybe no, but the way she dressed when she debuted for the first time in chapter 8 could be a typical Stand user’s style:

Thanks to her limited appearance, it’s not difficult to suddenly turn her into a Stand user.

The only problem is that Araki (again) has to build-up Yasuho, the main female protagonist as a rock-human descent, but is it possible?

There is one particular incident in chapter 94, as Yasuho has snuck into Higashikata's house, Jobin caught her and flushed 「Paisley Park」 down the toilet, breaking both Yasuho and her Stand’s body in the process.

JJL chapter 94: The Wonder of You (Your Miraculous Love) – part 11

Seeing how her body was in the process of breaking apart, some readers pointed out that there is a resemblance to the rock-humans' body while breaking apart.

JJL chapter 32 & JJL chapter 42

Others simply assumed that Yasuho's breaking body is the effect of her breaking Stand as well.

I am also more inclined towards the second opinion, in which her body is breaking apart simply because of her breaking Stand. But the interpretation of this picture is still free, so it would be easy for Araki if he suddenly wants to decide that the reason of Yasuho's breaking body is due to her being a part of rock-human.

It is also fortunate that we have not seen normal humans and their Stands break apart like Yasuho and her 「Paisley Park」.

Perhaps, making Yasuho a part of rock-human could be the reason why Tooru dated her. I've always felt there must be something behind this. Tooru as the person behind HD gang can't possibly date Yasuho without reason.

Even though they had broken up, Tooru is still eager to to rekindle his relationship with Yasuho, but chapter 97 proves that his reason for that was not simply that he still loved her. There must be something that he wants from her and will take advantage of her.

But back to the issue of the origin of the Higashikata’s family curse, if the crossbreeding is the cause, why doesn't it befall to Yasuho too?

Once again, it is fortunate that we got the flashback of Higashikata Rina as the female affected by rock-disease. She became symptomatic as adult, in her late 20s. Yasuho is a female and she is still 19, it is possible if the rock-disease had not yet befallen her (suppose that she is a crossbreed).

The real problem is that Suzuyo has also shown that she cares to her daughter Yasuho, again, the opposite trait with the rock-women.

JJL chapter 24 & JJL chapter 71

Though she is not on Holy's level… or the level of Caato to Jobin, at least she is trying to show her love to Yasuho.

Then how about her job? Being a single mom should have demanded Suzuyo to have a job to support Yasuho and her life. We've never seen what kind of job Suzuyo has, we've only seen in her debut that she brought a man home from a club. Was this part of her job as a hostess or she simply had fun?

In her flashback of chapter 71, we have seen Suzuyo who was currently receiving a call, was the phone related to her job?

Suppose that it was related to her job, “Oh really? Sounds exciting, I’ll write that down”… an idea? Or was it a new job offer? Freelancing?

It is very fortunate that it is still very hard to determine of Suzuyo's actual career, Araki just has to give her a career that is suitable for rock-human if he wants to make her a rock-human.

Crossbreeding and developing affection in rock-women(?)

Apparently, these three women share the same problems, that they have affection for their children, the opposite trait of rock-women in chapter 99. The mother who had more of a similar nature to rock-women is (actually) Kujo Kiyomi, Josefumi’s mother. She almost left a drowning Josefumi, though the guilt overcame her in the end.

JJL chapter 52: Vitamin C and Killer Queen – part 3

Even so, Josefumi still felt that his mother had abandoned him. Could it be that she abandoned him again after the drowning event and that’s why Josefumi had a lot of respect for Holy as his mother figure? Or maybe it was only to that particular moment, but it was so engraved on Josefumi's memory that he hated his own mother?

And also remember that Kujo Kiyomi has been divorced. Too bad we never saw her again in her middle-aged, but I believe that if she will reappear, she will have that 'youthful look' like any others.

Regarding Caato and Suzuyo, suppose that they are rock-women, it is possible that they may develop affection for their children as a result of their copulation with human males.

To be honest, I think that Caato's role is more of a comparison to the other Higashikata mothers, so it would be too much if she is a rock-woman as I explained in my previous post.

However regarding Suzuyo, I think that her efforts to take care and love Yasuho are like a rock-woman learning to be a 'mother'.

JJL chapter 24: Paper Moon Deception – part 2

Perhaps it is just me, but Suzuyo’s response in that scene is a bit weird. She offered Yasuho to cook for her while playing video games, something that pretty normal in family dynamic. But then, Yasuho declined and said she was just going to go out again. Annoyed by her daughter response, she brought up Yasuho’s annoying attitude and likened her to her ex-husband (Yasuho’s father).

When Yasuho remarked that she was in a rush and didn’t have a time to be lectured her, Suzuyo out-of-nowhere brought up whether she wasn't motherly to Yasuho, something that I think was not quite related in a conflict. Because I have also experienced a similar conflict with my mother, but she wouldn't suddenly bring up of her being motherly and just straightly scolded me.

It was as if she said that “I’m trying to be a good mother for you, because I’m not like the other rock-women out there.”

JJL chapter 71: Hairclip of the Qing Dynasty

Her bad-mouthing her ex-husband (Yasuho’s dad) felt like she was trying to keep Yasuho away from her father. Besides, her words also indicate possessiveness towards her daughter.

Rock-humans in general have little to no relationship with their children, unlike (carbon-based) humans. So maybe Suzuyo is trying hard to get close to her daughter Yasuho while trying to keep her away from her father, because (perhaps) in her perspective, a close relationship between fellow humans will always be easier to achieve compared to the rock-humans.

Conclusion

At first I thought that ‘the youthful moms’ in JoJolion is just a deliberate artistic choice on behalf of Araki to make the characters more attractive, but what if it turns out to have a purpose?

Added with the recent chapter (99) which hinted the existence of rock-women, what if Araki wanted to make us wonder, is it true that currently there is a rock-woman among his characters? Which one?

I don't know why but I feel that possibility may lie in some middle-aged mother characters that look younger than their actual age. I also became suspicious, why Araki changed Holy’s appearance in chapter 92, that she significantly looks younger than when she debuted?

Especially with the reemergence of the theory about Caato as a rock-woman which becomes popular once again.

Of course I am more certain that a rock-woman will appear in the form of a flashback which will explain the origin of Higashikata’s family curse. It would also fit into the plausible theory of ‘reproduction’ that has been created by u/Mamezuku on reddit. But what if a rock-woman would appear in the present time as well? Who is she? Will it be Caato?

Of the three candidates I suspect, Caato will be the most difficult choice and requires a lot of build-up (and possibly retconing here and there). Holy highly unlikely will be a full blooded rock-woman, but it’s possible to make her a descendant of a rock-human and the build-up will be slightly easier. Suzuyo (Yasuho’s mom) will be an unexpected choice but she will be the easiest and least complicated to be built-up, the only big challenge is about the build-up of her daughter Yasuho as a crossbreed.

#jojo's bizarre adventure #jojolion #rock humans jojo #suzuyo hirose #holy joestar #kaato higashikata #jojo meta #jjba part 8 #art evolution #kira holy joestar #kiyomi kujo #jojo's bizarre analysis #rock women #jjba meta #holy joestar kira #caato

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surveys-at-your-service · 4 years ago

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Survey #358

“i know the pieces fit, ‘cuz i watched them fall away”

Would you ever own a Great Dane as a pet? Oh Lord, my mom wants one so bad. She looooves big dogs. I wouldn't, though. I don't want another dog, period. What was or is your favorite quality about your recent ex? Her resilience, strength, creativity, loyalty, etc. etc. etc. etc. etc. lol. Have you ever witnessed a human being giving birth in real life? No, and I NEVER fucking will. What about an animal? Yeah, cats. What kind of things do you enjoy reading about on sites like Wikipedia? I sometimes do that for straightening out game plots after watching a let's play if I have remaining questions. Wikipedia tends to do well with compressing it. Which country’s cuisine that you haven’t tried, would you be interested in sampling? (e.g. Moroccan, Thai etc.) I wouldn't know because I'm not educated enough on foreign cuisines. What’s the last movie you watched on your own? The Shining, I think, forever ago. Fried, poached, boiled or scrambled eggs? Scrambled. Have you ever got into a club, whilst being underage? I've never tried. Are you happy with your relationship with God, or do you want more from it? I don't have one. Do you struggle with boredom? Very, very severely. I have absolutely awful anhedonia; I'm pretty much constantly bored. Literally. I just... find things to pass the time, even if I'm not really enjoying myself. What famous person do you wish you could be friends with? I'm going to assume here you don't mean a significant other, because uh... y'all been known lmaooo. I would really love to be friends with Gab Smolders (I know that's not her real name, just using her YT name), because we have very similar interests. As well, Suzie Hanson is a fucking SWEETHEART. I miss her channel. :( At some point I want to purchase some stuff from her store to support the darling. Man, thinking of this question, there's really a lot. What would you do if you were famous? Hate it, haha. Do you wish you hair were shorter or longer? It's at a fine length right now. What photo editing website or software do you use? Lightroom and Photoshop. What hair color looks best on you and what’s your natural color? I think my hair looked best black. It's naturally brown. What is your favorite show to watch? Meerkat Manor. It is so, so comforting to me. Are your maternal/parental instincts strong? Not with kids, oddly enough. I've only ever really encountered strong protective instincts with significant others like when they're sick or something like that. In school, do you/did you work better by yourself or in a group? I absolutely worked better alone. I hated group work. Do you know anyone who has a collection of old records? My mom did, once upon a time. I feel like I know someone who does now... but idk. Do you go on any forums often? Just RP ones. Would you ever agree to an open relationship with someone? Nnnnope. Do people always say you’re too thin? Uh, I have the opposite problem. Could you design a whole web page yourself? Not from scratch, no. I've only done so on free sites that give you the bare bones and easy editing. Have you ever cooked an entire dinner for your family? Definitely not. Do you prefer piano music or violin music? Ohhhh, both are beautiful, but I have to say violin. Who do you tend to get in fights with the most? My mom, I guess, not that we fight a lot. Are you attracted to spooky and macabre things naturally? YEP. Have you ever bobbed for apples? Were you successful? No. It's disgusting if you're going after others, and besides, I HATE water up my nose and have never quite figured out how to block it out without plugging it. Hypothetically speaking, if you had a child [too young to make their own decisions], what would you dress him/her up as for Halloween? It would depend on what their interests were. Do you intend to take your children trick-or-treating, if ever you have any? I'm not having kids, but if I did, I definitely would if they wanted to go. What is the coolest jack-o-lantern you have ever seen? Now THAT'S hard, I really don't know. What was your favorite candy to get from trick-or-treating? What about your least favorite? Reese's was my favorite, and I never liked Tootsie Rolls. Did you ever receive anything that wasn’t candy? Maybe? I feel like I have... Have you ever carved a really extensive pumpkin, or were they always simple carvings? Yes; I once carved a pumpkin with a raven design with "and quoth the raven, 'nevermore'" written into the back. The raven wasn't just a flat cut-out, but rather carved in layers so the light came through differently at certain depths. Are you more interested in cute, funny, “sexy”, or scary costumes? For myself, absolutely the scary ones. In general though, I'm not gonna BS ya, I love me some sexy costumes, haha, but also still scary and particularly gory ones. Have you ever intimidated or made another person feel legitimately threatened? If not, do you think that you could ever be seen as scary? I seriously hate admitting this, but Mom has confessed that my yelling has scared her before when scolding our former dog that I fucking hated. In what ways do you or would you need to be validated by a partner? (For example, liking your posts/talking about you on social media, or perhaps by doting on your with gifts.) I absolutely need words of affirmation. I just need to hear a lot that you do still like/love me. Also, if you're unwilling to actually act like we're a couple in front of ANYONE, like you're ashamed of me or something, byyyyeeee. Do you tend to succeed by weaning yourself off of something or by quitting cold turkey? It depends, I guess. Is there a specific type of pet breed/size/etc. that you don’t want? Why not? Any that have underlying medical issues, like pugs, spider ball pythons, Persian cats, etc. etc... It's just a moral thing; I don't want to support the deliberate continuation of poor genes in animals for human monetary gain. It's just wrong to me. Away from breeds, I also don't really want free-roaming animals after my cat passes, because I don't want to endanger the reptiles and invertebrates I want as pets in the future. Have you ever lived in a notoriously dangerous area? If not, would it bother you to do so? I grew up in one, yes. I never want to again. Has a friend’s significant other ever interfered with or damaged your friendship? What about a significant other of yours damaging a friendship? No. What, if anything, is something that you put pressure on yourself about? What do you imagine would happen if you did not live up to this expectation? Getting a job nowadays. I do NOT want to imagine what my life will be like if I never find employment. If you have been in a serious relationship, have you and your partner ever discussed lifetime plans that clashed? Did you reconcile them or did you break up? If you have not been in a relationship, what are some issues that would be deal-breakers? This hasn't happened, no. If you were offered to smoke some weed right now would you accept? Honestly, I want to try weed to see if it would help my anxiety, BUT I'm unwilling to ever smoke something, so no. Have you ever changed clothes in a vehicle? Yeah. Do you listen to country music? No. Have you ever had a boyfriend your parents didn’t like? No. Were you ever a trouble maker? Not really, no. Do you shave your legs? Hell, that's debatable by this point. I haven't since this past October, but I *would* if for whatever reason someone might see my legs. I am not overexaggerating when I say I naturally have men's legs as far as hair goes, oof. Do you have any person in your family with an addiction to beer? That's what my dad always drank when he was an alcoholic. He doesn't touch alcohol now. Have you ever gotten sloppy drunk at a party? No. Have you ever slept naked? Accidentally. Could you ever be friends with the person who hurt you most in life? I really don't think I could be. Do you actually like going to school? I never did. Have you ever really been in a “complicated relationship”? How did that work out? In your opinion, what makes a relationship “complicated”? No. I don't care enough to go into what a complicated relationship means, I think it's pretty obvious. Who was the first person you’ve ever fallen in love with? Is this a person you’re still in contact with? How do you know you’re in love with someone? Jason, and no. And you just... know. It's a wordless feeling . Have you ever successfully broken a bad habit? How about conquered a fear of something? Uhhhh I don't know, really. Well, I used to be AWFUL at picking my eyebrows, particularly when anxious, but I have gotten better at that. I still kinda do it, though. Onto the next question, I don't believe I've "conquered" a fear, but rather they just faded with time on their own. Have you ever read a whole series of books? Yeah. Are you going to walk at your graduation or just pick your diploma up? I walked. Do you own a pair of brass knuckles? No. Have you ever tried to break a Guinness World Record? No. Can you sing your ABC’s backwards? I can't. Do you like Skittles? I love Skittles. Do you know how to read music? I used to. Who would you say has made the biggest impact on your life? Really, Jason. He ultimately led to me getting proper treatment for my depression, which changed my life. I'm in no way giving him credit for it, but you get what I mean. You can only listen to THREE CDs for the rest of your life. What are they? Black Rain and Ozzmosis by Ozzy Osbourne, and uhhh... perhaps The Black Album by Metallica. Do you own any shirts that have a year on it? Yeah, but it's way too small for me now. It's from Back To The Future, when we actually reached the date in the movie. Have you ever done another person’s make-up? Ha, I gave Jason a makeover once. Honestly, do you double dip? Not if I'm sharing the dip with other people. Who were you last on an elevator with? My mom. Do you know anyone that has a black belt in karate? Not to my knowledge. How often do you wear hats? Never. Who is the youngest gay person you know? *shrug* Have you ever watched an animal being eaten by another animal? I've seen cats eat mice and stuff as a kid. What is the strangest, most “out there” thing you believe? Some people I'm sure would consider the fact I believe the government was involved in 9/11 as "out there," but when you look into it, it's far from "out there." Do you get along with people who are especially religious? Why/why not? It depends on how they act about it, not what they keep in their head. Now if they have just purely hateful beliefs that demonize another's existence, then no, we can't get along. Have you ever drawn or painted a self-portrait? Painted, yes, for an art class. Do you have any interesting pillow cases? No. Are you more afraid of spiders or bees? Bees, generally. Especially if we're talking things like wasps, who are just demon spawns. Would you rather donate time, blood, or money? That's a really hard question, but I guess time? Like I'm thinking volunteer work and stuff, or listening to and comforting someone. Can grills be sexy on a guy? They're sexy on absolutely no one. Last strong smell you can remember smelling? Ugh, gasoline. This one car in front of my mom and me smelled awful. Last healthy thing you ate? Apples. Do you know anybody who was abused? Emotionally, yes. Do your parents volunteer anywhere? No. Do you have a steering wheel cover? Mom's car doesn't. What do you think of when you see sharp knives? This is really morbid, but I will immediately envision what it would be like to be stabbed. I'm very afraid of knives. The highway and back roads take you to the same place; choose your route. The back roads, of course. And let me bring my camera.

#survey #surveys #questions #lyrics: ''schism'' by tool

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deathdoors · 5 years ago

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𝐇𝐄𝐘 𝐆𝐀𝐌𝐄𝐑𝐒 ! meredith here. nineteen twenty, they/them or she/her, the best admin in the world. it’s why i’m using manny for my gif for this, when he’s the best and my mascot on the main <3 if it ain’t broke don’t fix it. so: a little about me ! i’m a libra, from new jersey, in my second year of college, use a lot of emojis, have recently and embarrassingly been both playing fortnite ( i know ) and reading like 2 books a night, which might seem like it makes me smart but actually just makes me go to bed at seven in the morning. which also makes me a dumb bitch. on to the show !

name: emma phillips age: thirty occupation: preschool teacher trope: the wide eyed idealist aesthetic: fresh baked chocolate chip cookies, wildflowers in a vase, half empty bottles of pink wine, stopping to pet every dog, happy tears, rom-com movie nights, coffee with too much cream and sugar.

emma was born and raised in the suburbs outside springfield, missouri. her mother was incredibly anxious and doting, disliking emma riding bikes in the streets with the other kids and climbing trees, etc she was thus much closer to her dad: camping trips, bedtime stories, the works. she adored him, and when her twin younger siblings were born, emma’s mother interpereted being a daddy’s girl as hating her, and started ignoring emma when she wasn’t scolding her, instead focusing a much more positive attention on the twins.

then, of course, because life sucks, her dad got sick of it and left without so much as a goodbye. ran off with his secretary when emma was twelve, leaving her with a toxic mom and two little toddler twins. she entered mom mode when her mom’s anxiety turned to severe, don’t get out of bed depression ... emma was cooking for the twins ( and failing miserably, most of the time it was pizza and frozen dinners. to emma’s credit, that did include frozen vegetables. ) helping them with schoolwork, getting them to and from school, etc.

her grandparents were semi - well off, and sent some money to the phillips clan, but emma got a job as soon as she was able. the combination of the two, and her mom’s on and off working was enough to not go hungry. the twins could go on some field trips, there was enough for new clothes when they grew like weeds ... but obviously, no pre-teen / teen wants to constantly care for little kids. it sucked.

the money continued when her grandfather died when she was sixteen, and then, a little while later, right before emma graduated high school, her grandmother died, leaving them her house in fort elms, washington.

the phillips clan moved there, with a month left of high school for emma. as soon as she turned eighteen, a mere month after graduation: emma was kicked out of the house. her mother wanted nothing to do with her anymore, saying emma was tearing her away from the twins. for the rest of their childhoods, emma was not allowed to see either of her siblings, with emma’s mother telling them that she had left on purpose.

thus: she went to college, moved out of the house into a new apartment, fell in love and pined boyfriendless for years like some kind of loser, was incredibly on and off, got cheated on. she hasn’t been able to land a mans since, despite wanting a storybook romance.

while all that was happening, she got a degree, teaching at the fancy private preschool school in town. remember when i said she entered mom mode when her dad left ? yeah. she never left it, apparently. she loves her job, though. lots of stickers.

tl;dr: toxic mom, dad left when she was 12, effectively raised her younger siblings. moved to fort elms when she was about to turn 18, finished out high school, and was kicked out. she became a preschool teacher, inexplicably staying in fort elms.

personality: emma is kind hearted and optimistic — she's a little bit of a people pleaser, and a lot a bit of a hopeless romantic. she's pretty friendly / chatty, and considers people her friends approximately .5 seconds after meeting them. she's a little naive in the sense that she believes everyone is good, or can be good with just a little effort, and is pretty forgiving. she's much more of a go with the group kind of person, and hates being alone.

tw alcoholism, depression;

name: philippa “pippa” espina age: twenty-two occupation: unemployed trope: fallen princess aesthetic: bottles of vodka, half burnt cigarettes, red lipstick, shattered glass, parties going late into the night, adept fingers rolling joints, sleeping in late, the twinkle of a chandelier.

in retrospect, pippa was destined to be spoiled: she never got attention as a child, and her parents had money, and anyone who's seen a movie about rich kids knows that's a cocktail for disaster. california born and bred, pippa was used to two things by the time she could toddle: the sun, and getting what she wanted.

her father was a successful ... something with a desk and lots of people reporting to him, she never even payed attention. her mother was more focused on tennis practices and galas and book clubs where they just drank wine. a series of nannies raised her: not one or two where she could bond with, cling to the maternal attention she desired.

instead, her frequent temper tantrums and outbursts lead to them either quitting or getting fired when pippa made up stories: she was so mean to me, i think she's stealing from the jewelry box, she's been drinking your fancy wine. she didn't know why she was doing it. maybe it was the way her mother would stroke her hair gently, eyes blurry with drunkeness saying they'd work on finding someone better to take care of her. for all her twisted lies, pippa could be brutally honest. yet she never asked her mother why she couldn't take care of her.

by the time pippa had hit the sixth grade, she'd been kicked out of two of the private schools in the area. her third was all all girl's school, full of catholic sensibilities and a headmistress that refused to dismiss pippa, no matter how much she acted out.

she was twelve the first time she was the one breaking into the liquor cabinet, little sips of sweet liquors that made her head feel fuzzy. a lock was placed on it three weeks later, and she didn't get drunk again until high school. but pippa decided she liked that feeling, and more importantly, she liked the feeling of her parents finally looking at her.

at one of the rare family meals a month after her thirteenth birthday, pippa said i don't want a nanny anymore at the same time that her father said we're moving to washington. some business deal her father's company had made with the military base, it was a wonderful town. she didn't want to hear it. another tantrum she was far too old for, a slap across the face. selfish brat.

they moved to washington three days later. she didn’t have a nanny.

pippa was never popular in high school, nor unpopular. she was a bit of an outcast: mean and pretty only got you so far if you were already top dog, and she wasn't. she, however, threw big parties that drew the attention of high schoolers and the lamer end of the college crowd. holidays, breaks, every weekend: an unlimited supply of all the weed and alcohol at pippa's house, combined with the loud thunk of music and no one to get mad at you if you broke a vase or woke up on the floor the next morning. her parents were rarely ever home.

when they were, however, things weren't pretty. slammed glasses on tables, shouts so loud they made voices sore. pippa would stand there and she would cry until her face was red, and say sorry for breaking things, and the next day her parents would give her a new allowance and a kiss atop the head. that was their apology. she never accepted it. she kept the money and embraced back, of course. but she never meant it. she would do the same thing again, and again, and again.

attention was better than any drug, and almost as good as the bottom end of a bottle or a shot glass. she was mean and she was catty, sure, but then she was warm and fun and bought you lunch. by the time she had made stronger connections, latching on to the only two people, the only two friends she had was easy. they were her friends, and thus everyone else was her enemy.

after high school, she didn't do anything. no college, no job. her parties persisted, and so did kisses behind locked doors and afternoons spent sleeping off a hangover until she woke up and did it again. she was still mean, still catty, still desperate for attention: growth had been stunted, immaturity and a desperation making her miserable to be around.

she doesn't know why she does it. not even deep down: sometimes, it's like she's staring down at her own body, watching herself be cruel or unkind, sparking up a joint to call someone a bitch and someone a cow, or taking another shot and whispering into the nearest fellow partygoers' ear that they should go upstairs. sometimes she wakes up and feels like she's the worst person in the world. especially after one of those partygoers is the ex of one of those two friends. she feels like the worst person in the world, and she likes it better then, she decides. at least then she feels something.

tl;dr: rich bitch, loves partying, classic mean girl. not so functional alcoholic, hooks up with a lot of people. turbulent relationship with her parents, desperate for attention. definitely needs a therapist and a psychiatrist.

personality: pippa is very ... sugar and ice. or more aptly, sugar and fire. as long as you follow her my way or the highway mentality and give her plenty of attention, she'll drag you along on all her plans, lavish you with attention ... until she doesn't anymore. she's reckless and self-centered, but she's a hell of a lot of fun. if you manage to get into her inner circle, she'd take a bullet for you, but ... well, as mentioned before she still might sleep with your ex <3 or ur current bf, honestly.

tw bullying, anxiety, depression, suicide;

name: theodore "teddy" larsen age: twenty-three occupation: graduate student trope: shrinking violet aesthetic: pages and pages of notes, shiny comic book pages, freshly sharpened pencils, home cooked meals, deep shaky breaths, science fiction movies, 100% exams, thick books full of knowledge

theodore larsen came out of the womb miserable. he was a colicky baby, born to a loving, young american mother and a his british professor father in england. he was a quiet child, once he grew out of the constant exhausted crying: much preferring the company of his mom than other kids. he was smart though, and a heavy reader.

when he spoke was when the trouble began: as his vocabulary began to grow and he talked more and more, a stutter came with it. he spoke kindly and eloquently for his age, but he struggled sometimes to get words out. kids were cruel, naturally, and it only made teddy more reclusive.

out of isolation came anxiety: he was an intensely worried child, mostly involved with his parents rather than people his age. an investment in books, comics, nonficiton, novels. teddy was perfectly content with books as his friends, and of course, his mother, his favorite person in the world.

and then his world came crashing down. nothing horrific: no one died, no one was sick. but when the only thing that brings you comfort is security and repetition, your father cheating on your mother and moving across the world is a pretty far crash to the bottom. port elms, washington: his mother’s hometown, where teddy would finish out high school.

he was relentlessly bullied, still. the label of new kid paired with a lack of social grace and nerdy dispotion, there might as well have been a target painted on his back. he had one friend, endlessly kind to him. she’d saved his life, figuratively, and he saved hers literally, an appearance at her house shortly after her suicide attempt.

it made sense that he’d have one too. depression was a dark shroud that hung over him, exacerbated anxious behaviors. that was months ago now. a secret, locked inside him, not quite ready to come out. therapy, once a week. maybe twice.

he’s not excited about finishing his degree, not really. he feels good about teaching, it’s what he wants to do. but the idea of being back in fort elms high isn’t exactly leaving a good taste in his mouth. he’ll cross that bridge when he comes to it, no matter how much it makes his heart beat faster and his palms sweat. he’s got all the time in the world

tl;dr: nervous mess, bullying target, has one real friend. very sensitive mama’s boy. british accent, moved to fort elms when he was in high school. sad. doesn’t like his dad very much.

personality: the nerdiest mf alive. teddy is a total sweetheart, very socially awkward, and pretty damn smart. he know a lot about typical nerdy shit. superheroes, star trek. he LOVES star wars. he's also in a band, playing bass. fun times. he's nervous as hell — also super cautious, he never likes to do anything without it being meticulously planned. total mamas boy.

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lizzybeth1986 · 5 years ago

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Quick Thoughts on TRH Book 1, Chapter 13 (One Last Yeehaw)

• It's the chapter everyone's been waiting for! We're pregnant, we get to tell our spouses, we get to tell our friends, we get to tell the courtly ladies, Olivia wears leather, our MCs get to buy a crib for an poppy seed-sized something in their womb that doesn't even know what hands and legs are yet (forget cribs), and the best news of all...WE ARE FINALLLY LEAVING TEXAS!!!!

• If you don't want to see this post on your dash, these are the tags to block: #trh quick thoughts, #trh qts, #trh qt reblogs and #long post.

• Screenshots:

Hana: The Universal Studios 77 YouTube channel

Drake: @thefirstcourtesan and the HIMEME YouTube channel

Maxwell: @itsbrindleybinch

Title: Spreading the Word

Alternative Title: It's a Child, Not the Gospel 🤦🏽‍♀

• Before I start talking about the chapter...storytime!

• Sooo...my first pregnancy was a couple of years ago. And I like telling the story of how I broke it to my husband coz it is pretty damn funny. We'd been trying for two years, and had a couple of times when our tests would be met with a disappointing negative. So by the time I did get pregnant, the hubby was a little wary of hoping too soon.

• I had an inkling just before my periods were expected to arrive, because I found myself flopping down on the bed immediately after work, without even making dinner. No morning sickness, no giddiness initially, just constantly feeling so tired. Anyway, hubby insisted I wait a couple days more before a test because he was too afraid of getting his hopes up, and I agreed.

• I took my test around 4 or 5 that morning? And had to wait a couple minutes for the lines...and THERE WERE TWO. Do you really think I could keep such news to myself for more than ten seconds?? (even that was too much). Of course I was going to shake poor hubby awake and show him the test.

• It took five vigorous shakes to wake the poor guy up, and as soon as he was somewhat awake I shoved the test in his face (I was excited ok! 🙈) forgetting that without his glasses he couldn't see shit (very high power). "I can't see anything," he said sleepily, so I gave him his glasses. Ensuing conversation went as follows.

H: There are two lines.

Me: Yeah...sooooo...? 😀😀

H (sudden realization what two lines are supposed to mean): OMG there are two lines??? *sleepy smile*

Me: YES. I'M PREGNANT.

H (weakly): Yayyyy. (pause)...can I go back to sleep now?

Me: But what will I do???

H: You also sleep.

Me (running on sheer adrenaline now) : I CAN'T SLEEP I JUST FOUND OUT I'M PREGNANT.

H: Oooookay. (is too sleepy at this point to process anything).

Me: (excitedly hops over to Google at 5.20 in the morning and types out "I'm 4 weeks pregnant now what")

LMAO. That first pregnancy was quite something.

• The chapter begins with the MC sending her spouse a text. Depending on whether you mentioned a surprise, mentioned that you need to have a talk or texted emojis instead, the LI will react accordingly.

• With the surprise option, the LI flirts with her. With "we need to talk", they appear tense and believe she's angry with them. The emoji option is the funniest, coz the MC sends a string of emojis with the last one being this: 🍞, and the LIs are confused and referencing the bread (I've seen only two routes of this one - Liam talks about the Cordonian Baker's Festival which will only happen after a couple months, and Hana speaks about a bread course). The MC is puzzled at first, then gets to choose how to tell her spouse the news.

• AAAAAND NOW THEY KNOW.

Liam: Ecstatic and excited at the thought of holding his own child in his arms. Immediately after, he worries over the preparations they will need to make, the childproofing of the throne room and the things they will need to get ready, and it is the MC who calms him down.

I personally love that the narrative makes a mention of Liam "recentering himself" here, because it does show me that this is a rare display of raw emotion, of Liam letting go of his control, and you get a glimpse of what calming down for him looks like. Wish it hasn't taken four books to actually muster up the effort to write that.

Hana: One of the sweetest reactions ever - "We're going to be moms?" and a hearty squeal after that. She then becomes emotional and teary, cries with joy. There's some gentle teasing of each other where they call each other "cute", and then Hana tells her she's so glad she gets to share both this moment and this entire journey of pregnancy with the MC.

Hana doesn't show many signs of her intensive planning in this particular scene, because this - again - calls for raw emotion where the LI basically forgets their "normal" and truly savours that moment, but we do see signs of the same type of planning in other scenes.

Maxwell: WHOOPS with joy and excitement as soon as he realizes. Wants to scream out the news on a mountaintop. He promises the MC that their family will be the most awesome, most fun one that the kingdom has ever seen.

I love how Maxwell's overall vibe in this chapter seems to reflect his family situation - he definitely wants to be the exact opposite to his own child what his father has been to him. It's a pity they don't explore that enough.

Drake: Wild with joy, can't stop grinning. But also worried about whether he is being careless with the MC and is overly concerned for her. Calls her not just by her surname but also her first name. I wonder if that should be added to my Book 1 tallies 😂

• That TRR lullaby music is going to be played so much after this that we'll eventually get sick of it. I know it. I know it already.

• The LIs also get to check in with the MC about how she's feeling, and you as the reader get to decide how she is feeling at the moment (ecstatic, nervous, scared?). We also get the option to decide when to break the news to our friends (at the reception itself, or the next morning at breakfast). I think enough of us had an axe to grind with Savannah and Bertrand for the stunt they pulled (with our help) last book, that most people slammed that "reception" button like their lives depended on it.

• The LIs also act in different ways before their friends find out about the pregnancy:

Liam and Hana both dote on the MC, and Hana specifically keeps the MC's dietary restrictions in mind (gets sparkling water/orange juice in place of champagne/mimosas, asks about caffeine content/salmon during breakfast - this varies depending on when you make the announcement). With Drake, the group figures out that he has something on his mind because he's grinning nonstop, and Maxwell tries really really hard to hint at the MC's pregnancy by using phrases like 'bun in the oven' and 'expecting', and gives up in frustration when no one catches on.

• There are three ways you can tell the news to the group - if you're at the reception, you can leave them to guess, get the LI to announce via loudspeaker or scream it out. If you're at home, the same three options except the second one is simply the LI delivering the news in a more low-key manner.

•

YOU'RE SUCH DORKS ISTG.

• Bertrand is happy for us but Savannah is surprisingly (to my great joy) nowhere to be found.

• CELEBRATORY DIAMOND SCENE. For 30 diamonds, which is usually reserved either for finales or turning-point diamond scenes. Again, these scenes deal with the newness of it all, the jubilation, the end of a (not very long, actually) wait, and the LIs get to talk about family.

•

The sex part is 🔥 🔥 🔥 as usual, but the parts that really justify the 30 diamonds we're spending come before and after that. Each LI, as I've mentioned before, responds differently, but the thread that connects them all is the awe and wonder at this new life, and their plans and worries for the future (Good. You all should be worried if Olivia's diamond scene is anything to go by).

- Liam: In the pre-sex portion, the focus is on celebrating this moment they have alone - as parents - together, because once this news is brought out to the world, both they and their child will be thrown into the spotlight. I have spoken in this essay about the kind of upbringing royal children tend to have and the lessons they unknowingly learn in that environment. Liam has gone through this, he is aware his child will go through it too, but he wants the child to have as normal a life as he as a father can provide. This is clear in the last portion of the scene, where he touches the MC's stomach, marvels at the life they both created and - as per the MC's choice - communicates with said child. My favourite option of course is the lullaby, because it's one that Eleanor used to sing to him - and it is interesting how a lot of Liam's memories of an actual parent, doing actual parent-things, is of his mother.

- Hana: In the pre-sex portion, she speaks about how nervous they've both been over whether this pregnancy would happen and the pressure from the court, and how excited she is that that moment is finally here. When the MC asks her if she is nervous or scared, Hana tells her that even though everything that has led up to this (leaving her parents, having a new life in Cordonia) has been unknown and scary, knowing that they will finally have their own family outweighs "all the worries in the world". In the last portion of the scene, they flirt playfully, leading Hana at some point to wonder about whether they should set ground rules if the child is going to be such a charmer. She's already got a whole range of things prepared - from a pregnancy kit to snacks and drinks appropriate for the MC's condition - but the MC encourages her to relax and not worry too much. You can tell that Hana is already in the zone of wanting to be a better parent for her child than her own.

- Maxwell: I find the Maxwell version of this scene really interesting this time, because it deals with both his struggle to change for his child, and his struggle to NOT be the kind of father Bartie Sr was (finally they address this!). The first part of the scene involves Maxwell being his usual excitable self, wanting to scream the news from the rooftops then realising that it might be too risky for his wife. He speaks of wanting to "rewire" himself into "Good Dad mode". The last portion is especially poignant, because he speaks both of what a life without the MC would have been life (an enjoyable Beaumont Bash, but one where he is forever searching for someone, and feeling constantly lonely, like something is missing in his life), and he also promises his wife that he will be the kind of father who will learn and grow from his mistakes, and who will be there whenever his children need him most, not just drop by on the day of their child's wedding.

- Drake: Drake also falls back into old-habit before getting into father-mode - he mentions celebrating with drinks before realizing the MC cannot have them. The MC gets to choose either a non alcoholic beverage or a massage, and as far as I have seen the massage comes with yet another family story about his father massaging a particular spot in his mother's shoulder that would easily tense up. It astounds me how much effort the writers make into making Drake's scenes and exchanges so much more personal than the others. Like the others have their moments in this scene too - but in their cases such moments are the exception, not the norm. In Drake's it's always the norm.

In the aftermath of the scene, the couple get to discuss how they will bring up their child, even though that child will be heir to Cordonia's throne, and get to choose if they want to bring that child up with a sense of normality, or to appreciate the benefits they get from the royal life. In the end, all Drake wants this child to know at the moment is how much their parents love them.

• We now have brunch, hosted by the newlyweds. If we have not yet announced our pregnancy, Bertrand will simply announce us the way a herald would at a royal event before Savannah teases him for doing so, and if we have, he mentions that we are "celebrating the happy news with them once more". Bertrand speaks of being overly formal when he's very happy, and is even happier to mention the word "wife". That'll last.

• Leona gives Bertrand a cup of bourbon as a reward for the way he stood up to Chuck, claiming that she thought of him as a "pretty boy" who knew nothing, but was impressed by his behaviour on the wedding day. At this point I can only roll my eyes and finally celebrate when Auntie Bitch disappears. We've wasted way too much time than necessary on Drake's shitty family.

• If you haven't announced the news, you announce it after this scene. There are a few slight changes, esp the drinks mentioned in certain cases because the brunch is a more relaxed atmosphere than the reception so the food and drink items mentioned are pretty low-key. But everything else is pretty much as is.

• Bertrand and Savannah have a honeymoon to plan, which means we will finally get a break from them too, and Bianca asks us what we're planning in order to celebrate the news. Maxwell suggests getting a gift for the new arrival (9 months before arriving), and Savannah suggests they go to the general store and get something from there. The MC is nervous, because she wasn't exactly planning to meet Cassidy West again. Thankfully, he isn't at the store, so she's pretty safe 😂

•

All the LIs have items they will check out with their friends/wives, but the scene varies related to who the MC married. Minimally in most cases, quite a bit in just one. As usual.

Maxwell shows us baby socks, and realizes that this child is a "miniature human" who will have small-sized everything. Virtually nothing changes in this scene except for Maxwell calling the child "our baby" instead of "yours" in his own playthrough. Everything else is disappointingly identical.

Hana shows us a toy tea set (it's still early days but Hana tells the MC it will be fun to practice and to think of the treats the child can eat from that). If you are married to her, she gets a single line referencing the childhood scene where she waited in vain for her mother at her own tea party.

Liam's scene is the one wit the diamond option - as the King of Cordonia whose entire country's future rides on this child, he is the one who gets to show the MC (+ LI in their respective playthroughs) the crib. There are two variations in this scene - the ones where Liam speaks about "our heir". Other than that, very little difference (though he does mention Constantine in one line later, so I guess that's a plus).

Drake shows the MC a wooden rocking horse. In his friend playthrough, he speaks of the gift as something the child can have to remember "ol' Uncle Drake" by. But if you're married to him, there is a whole set of dialogues where Drake talks of riding horses being part of the Walker DNA, and there is a reference to the secret wedding (riding off into the sunset), and there is interactive banter between the MC and Drake that you don't see much of in the other playthroughs. I wish I could say I'm surprised.

• I mean...seriously??? Maxwell gets NO OTHER VARIATIONS??? Hana's mention of her mother never coming to her tea parties isn't even followed up by a line expressing comfort from the MC????

• Just as we got there options for our nursery decor, we also get three options for the crib (classic, royal, forest fairytale). The royal option is lavish, all gold and cream, and the fairytale option is whimsical, wood finish and the same patterns of forest animals and flowers and leaves as the walls. The classic option is, like its corresponding decor, "very neutral. very baby".

• We exit the shop as quickly as we can either because Maxwell broke a trampoline (in the Liam, Hana and Drake playthroughs), or Hana dropped some teacups (in Maxwell's playthrough).

• Once we're done shopping, we get a call from Olivia, who is at our estate in Valtoria, asking us for the most precious thing in our room. But before she can ask, we tell her we're either furniture shopping or pregnant. The option the writers want us to be choosing is "pregnant", because there's a scene where Olivia secretly happy-cries for us when she learns the news. We can agree to loan her either some fancy shoes, our engagement ring (in the Maxwell playthrough, apparently, there is a reference to the twig ring he made back at the beginning of Book 3) or the Cordonian Royal Sceptre. She isn't sure if she'll come back alive, so she thanks us in case she doesn't.

• The ensuing Olivia diamond scene comes with a chance to figure out what Olivia is upto, an advantage over Auvernal, and a tiny hint at a Nevrakis name for TRM.

• I must say, the writers never cease to go all out for Olivia. Even over the female LI that should have been treated like a co-protagonist. And it's tiring because yet again I'll have to see half the fandom drag Hana just so they can drool over the white girl (in fact I already have).

• Olivia's sprite on the left side of the screen...is going to take some getting used to. It's disorienting. But it's fine after a second one!

• Anyway. She is now at a casino in Monte Carlo, meeting up with Bradshaw and Isabella. She's clearly in super-spy mode, since she refers to the King and Queen of Auvernal as targets rather than their names or titles. She has a better edge over the two if she is honest about her intentions and doesn't pretend she just bumped into them.

• Bradshaw speaks about King Liam sending his 'attack dog' to them and 'not doing his own dirty work' which is hilarious considering this man is from a militaristic society yet doesn't even know the C of combat training and has never done anything besides strategizing.

• Isabella always delivers her stinky, unwarrented opinion as if it holds any weight or has any relevance. In Olivia's case, she mentions Anton's marriage contract with Olivia and wonders aloud how the Queen/Duchess still trusts her enough to allow Olivia in her inner circle after that. All three options to push back at Izzy are 🔥 but my favourite one is "you look like you know all about poor judgement" (which is true, look at who she married).

• Olivia then gambles with Bradfraud and Stinkybella, with whatever the MC chose to give her as stakes. The best option is to simply call Bardfraud on his bluff, because he folds easily. Depending on whether Olivia wins or loses the game, he either asks the guards to place the item in the penthouse, or to get more funds from there. Olivia takes note.

• She then has to make sure she nicks the key to the penthouse from Stinkybella, either by acting tipsy or by coming closer to her for an "awkward hug". Both do the job.

• She learns the following from the penthouse:

- Bradfraud and Stinkybella stay in separate rooms, which means things "aren't as rosy" between them.

- She finds a letter of rejection, doubtless from another royal couple, and this is an indication that they aren't as popular as they pretend to be.

- She finds a map of a land she doesn't recognize (is it Monterisso? Olivia would recognize a map of her own country...and neighboring countries...but who am I fooling it's not like team TRH concerns themselves with such ridiculous things as logic!), which has troop formations on it. They're planning something called Operation Swan. I've heard of "Black Swans" and "Swanning About" used as military terms, but there's not a lot I understand from this. Perhaps this leans more towards a "black swan" idea - where they will launch a surprise attack with a nation they are allying with? IDK.

- Basically, we have enough leverage to win against these two, thanks to Olivia's work.

• In any case, someone comes to the room, and Olivia is on the verge of getting caught. So she'll need to scale her way down.

• This shows us if you have Olivia pray to her ancestors for wings:

(Theodosia is clearly the Renaissance Nevrakis)

• If you don't choose to scale down, Olivia will land on the pool instead, but even then she makes it out okay. She decides to keep an eye out because Bradfraud and Stinkybella could pose as a problem for Liam and the MC.

• Olivia is operating on her own, as far as she has told Bradfraud, but the possibility that Liam is aware of what she is upto still exists. And the MC has no clue even if she is Liam's wife because:

a. The writers are too lazy to code this for Liam, and

b. It's not like the MC puts any effort into finding things out anyway

• We're now leaving the Walker Ranch, a couple hours later, and saying our goodbyes to Drake's mother and aunt. I heave a sigh of relief at the fact that there's no additional "memories" from Bianca become this family has gobbled up enough of our attention. Seems like their horrible attitude was really about the money they didn't get after all (it's a fair gripe to have, but doesn't exactly warrant the attitude they've been throwing around).

• Leona still acts like she did us a huge fucking favour hosting us, even though she was an awful host and seriously deserves to lose her ranch. Bianca tries to be civil but no apologies from her for allowing her son in law to be treated like crap until his wedding day. Seems like all Walkers have a habit of expecting civility from others while giving none.

• Bianca asks us to keep in touch and I'm pretty sure a huge chunk of the fandom said "no way in Yeehaw Hell".

• Liam continues to be mysterious with regards to what Olivia is up to, and Esther - who I HC'd as inquisitive - seems not to care enough to ask more.

• The LI tells us, as we leave, that Kiara, Penelope and Madeleine will be traveling in the jet with us, and it's up to us to decide how we break the news to them. If you own corgis, that features as an option. Two of the options (writing on a cake and announcement by corgi) come with a simple "Coming Soon...The Royal Heir", but the charade one is my favourite 🤭

• Penelope is that particular Drake/Walker Ranch stan who loved the time we spent at the ranch and Kiara is the rest of the fandom, who would much rather be in Cordonia than cooling her heels in Texas.

•

AAAAHHAHAHAHAHAHA.

The MC then tries another charade, one that resembles cradling a baby in her arms, which Kiara takes to mean "American football" (thank God they don't force Cordonians to call it "soccer" anymore), Madeleine takes to mean "a common pirate jig" and Penelope somehow gets the guess right (though Kiara is the one who straight-out says it).

• The ladies are ecstatic, and congratulate us. Penelope calls for drinks, but Kiara has the common sense to add that the drinks should be alcohol-free. Madeleine informs us of the events lined up for us, including the Apple Ball which will doubtless be the ball we will be attending in the finale.

•

There's a small private moment where the LIs dote over the MC more than necessary, wanting to pamper her and keep her in comfort. The MC calms them down, convinces them that they have a very good support system/are a great team together who can achieve anything.

• Mara still finds out about the pregnancy via Maxwell scouring the online shops for corgi-themed onesies even when he is the father. Which makes sense. It's still Good Dad Mode 😁

• In the tiny space of time it took between Madeleine finding out we were pregnant and us talking to people, she managed to schedule a conference for the same day! At least let us confirm the pregnancy with our docs???

• Plus, announcing this early, even if you're not royalty, is pretty risky. You're mostly advised to not disclose it too soon because the first trimester can be a little risky. And there are also cases where your first ultrasound turns out to not be that happy moment where you see that yolk sac and hear its heartbeat, or an ectopic pregnancy 😔. I recall reading about it on pregnancy forums before my first ultrasound (and stressing, but I had to be prepared) and not being satisfied until I confirmed it for myself.

• The writers and the readers know she'll be pregnant because that is what the story is, but perhaps if the team hadn't wasted so much time on the Walker Ranch, they'd at least not have to hurry like this.

• Actually...no. "Hurrying" would be the wrong word. Because they're going to stretch the press conference itself to like two chapters, it seems like. Basically they will spend time on everything that isn't important to the story as long as it's important to their pet character.

• The summary of Chapter 15 (CHAPTER FUCKING FIFTEEN. We're stuck at the beginning of all this even by CHAPTER FIFTEEN) speaks of the press conference heating up, so I'm having an inkling that there will be some pretty heavy stuff being asked in between? Maybe with regards to alliances, or a new scandal, or something else. But it's not going to be easy at all, that much is pretty clear. It's going to be frustrating and there's going to be stuff that will anger the LIs I think. I could be wrong, though.

• Overall this chapter does better in terms of variations even though they still do beef up Drake quite a bit over the others. But at least Liam, Hana and Maxwell get the rare opportunity to briefly address the mistakes (too small a word for what they've done) their parents have made. It's still not enough though. Esp considering the last 9 chapters have seen such an overall of Walker history and Drake's memories and the others have barely a handful of chapters to catch up.

• Sometimes I wonder if Olivia's independent investigation is also fueled by her desire to be so different from her parents and aunt as to wipe out the memory of their betrayal through her deeds. I do wonder if she will burn herself out completely in the process. She is made of sterner stuff than that, I know, but the determination she was showing in this scene and in the last few chapters was on another level.

• I wonder if we will get intel on Monterisso as well (I don't fully trust Amalas yet), or whether the narrative plans to establish this country as the underdog we will be supporting. Who knows. But I'm sure we will see more of that country in further chapters as well.

• That's it for this chapter, I think. Until the next one!

#long post #trh quick thoughts #trh qts #king liam #hana lee #maxwell beaumont #olivia nevrakis #drake walker #trr kiara #trr penelope #trr madeleine #the royal heir

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nodaisieswithoutrainsies · 5 years ago

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Need Help With Mental Health and Getting out of an Abusive Situation

Okay so here’s my deal. My mom has abused me (mostly mentally, emotionally, and financially, but there’s been a decent amount of physical abuse too) since I was about 12 years old. I’m 21 now. I went away to college for a few years but due to some unforeseen circumstances I’ve had to move back home until Fall 2020. It’s just me and my mom. We don’t talk to extended family, I don’t have a father or siblings.

When I was 14 I was diagnosed with Bipolar II, Bipoar Depression, and GAD. When I was 18, ADHD was officially added in, and within the past month I’ve accepted my ASD diagnosis. I’ve been fully medicated for the past 7.5 year’s, and in outpatient therapy with the same wonderful therapist for that entire time. When I was 15 I voluntarily (it was my idea) put myself into a partial program for a month for suicidal ideation and depression and self harm. When I was 16 almost 17 I voluntarily (again, my idea) took myself to the ER to go into inpatient therapy in psychology ward at New York Presbyterian, but was only there for a week because the counsellors there all came to the agreement that I was in better shape than I knew and released me, but with a binder of coping mechanisms and into the care of that same therapist I still have. At this point in my life, I’m very self aware, I can take care of myself and my mental healthy by myself, and I’m extremely proud of the progress I’ve made to better myself as a person and take care of my mental health. My friends, my therapist, my boyfriend of 5 years (best friend of 8), and my godmother all agree and praise me for my progress.

My mother, as I said, has abused me. Getting worse and worse over the years (as I contrarily got better). When she’s in a good mood, she dotes on me and does everything for me and lavishly spends money on me and pines for my attention. None of which I ask her to do because.... When she’s in a bad mood, whether or not because of me (when the only reason it’s “because of me” is when I’m not feeling great and liked to be alone) she takes it out on me. Hits me, curses at me, threatens me, berates me, tells me I’ve made no progress and I’m crazy, that she’s a perfect mother, that nothing is wrong with her, she attacks me with specific hurtful insults (“that’s why he doesn’t really love you!”), and holds all of her good mood antics over my head. She’s called the police on me >10 times since I was 14. They always take me for an evaluation, I’m always let go saying the cops are crazy. This past Friday, she threatened and tried to kill me. Then lost her mind rocking back and forth on her knees. So I called and ambulance. Ended up in her freaking out and calling the cops on ME for originally trying to de-escalate what did in fact turn out to be a hostile situation. I got released, but not without all the nurses and paramedics tending to me, as well as the crisis counsellor setting me free, all giving me some support saying they believed me, giving me numbers of support places in the area to help adult abuse victims.

My therapist has a lot of interaction with my mom, as she gives out her cell phone, comes to my graduation parties, has had sessions with me and my mom, and has had us to her house before. Plus my mother frequently texts her and emails her insanities and false stories, accusations, and ramblings about me. So at this point, my therapist has diagnosed my mother with Narcossistic Personality Disorder, as well as Borderline Peraonality Disorder. My mom has briefly (~6 weeks) gone to another therapist, but that was years ago. She constantly denies she has mental health issues besides her depression (which she deals with by drinking excessively, self harming, and attacking me). She denies that therapy works (yet says it does for me). She’s manipulative of the people around her- spewing lies to police officers even when I’m calm, open about my bipolar/therapy/medication, and looking for help, spewing lies to her friends who never interaction with me so they don’t know anything except that apparently I’m the problem, and spewing lies to her sister, my aunt, the only family we talk to still, and her best friend/former girlfriend/my other parent of over 35 years. No one believes me except my therapist and friends and boyfriend. No cops, not people who “love me”, and obviously not her. She frequently tries to get me arrested or admitted to a hospital involuntarily. She has ~$16k of my money in her account that she keeps procrastinating giving me.

I recently opened my own bank accounts not attached to hers. I work, I go to school. I’m an aspiring Marine Geologist and I’d like to get my Masters and PhD. When I hopefully graduate May 2021, I will move to California to go to graduate school and make my own life. Away from her, never to speak to her again.

I don’t have much money, even once she does actually give me the money from her account. To finish my BS I need a total of ~$23k. My saved money was for school, not living expenses or car insurance or groceries etc. Hence why I moved home while I completed some prerequisites around where I live. I will move out if I absolutely have to, by my 4 cats are here, two of which are senile and sick. I don’t love my mom. I can’t at this point. I have PTSD or the similar diagnosis from the trauma and abuse. I keep denying family therapy because I’m not sure it’ll work if she doesn’t accent any responsibility or open her mind to realise IM not the problem. I have a car, which is not under my name and while I could switch it I can’t afford car insurance. I have my own furniture and stuff to furnish a place that I will be allowed to take with me when I leave.

At this point, family therapy is necessary to entertain her until I leave. I’m looking for advice, resources, anything any of you can give me to help me handle this and make my life good and achieve my ambitions. I’m a generally pretty happy person; I like to read, write poetry/prose/short stories/songs, go hiking and enjoy nature, hang with my friends, make new ones, love animals, volunteer at the humane society, act, sing, improv, be in theatre, sew, and give advice and love to my friends who need it. I’m an advocate for sexual assault victims (twice in my life), mental health, animals, climate change, women, LGBTQ+ community (bisexual and genderqueer!), and eventually for abuse victims once I get out of here. (And by this I mean I actively take strides to advocate for these causes, joining clubs and marches etc, not just saying that because I experience some of them). I’m not a bad person, I don’t think. I try my hardest to always improve, and I wish I was dealt a better hand (don’t we all?). I’m not asking for money, I could never. I’m asking for advice and resources and a community. Anything yall got for me I’d appreciate more than anything. Thank you for listening/reading, I know it was a lot. If you got this far or offer help, I’ll hit you up with a follow even though that won’t be enough to repay your kindness. Ugh sorry that sounded textbook. Idk. But thank you so much. I really appreciate your time and advice.

-Jessica (I’m from downstate NY by the way)

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some-cookie-crumbz · 7 years ago

Note

Your Kidge married hc were so cute! I will wait for part 2!!!!!

Hopefully a Part 2.1 will suffice for now! I ended up talking about their first baby a lot more than I intended, so I’m going to break this down by each child and then do a post where I focus primarily on the whole family dynamic!

Forewarning that there will be some mentions of Allurance in all these parts, but I’m not tagging it because they aren’t given any real focus. Additionally, since I know some of thisstuff can squick some people out, warning that there will be somewhat-detailedtalk about pregnancy, birth, and what exactly comes in the early stages with anewborn so please be wary if such things make you uncomfortable.

The First Baby

They talk a lot about children before they end upconceiving; specifically in the later years of their dating and throughouttheir engagement. Despite neither one of them being very social people, familyis undoubtedly a huge thing for both of them. Pidge’s family – the Holts – meana lot to her and she likes the idea of having a few kids of her own someday.For Keith, the idea of having a family unit comprised of his own actual kin –since all he’s got left is Krolia and maybe Nana Eve too idk

Pidge doesn’t actually get morning sickness with their firstbaby. She also doesn’t realize that she missed her periods because she was toofocused on her work, and actually finds out at one of her regular check-ups.

She’s about eleven weeks along at the time, with her duedate being placed in the mid-to-late October range, and is thrown for a completeloop. Not a bad loop, just a Holy-Shit-I-Wasn’t-Expecting-This-Today kind ofloop.

She actually calls Keith to tell him after she’s done withthe rest of her appointment.

“Hey, Keith.”

“Hey Pidge. How’d the doctor visit go?”

“Well, uh… I got some interestingnews…”

“Oh yeah?”

“I might… Kinda… Sorta… Be a little bit pregnant…?”

“…”

“… Uh… How can you be kindaa little bit pregnant?”

While Pidge heads home, Keith mulls over the news andrealizes that Pidge is pregnant with ababy and she’s gonna give birth to ababy and they’re gonna be parents toa baby and they’re gonna have a start to a little family with a baby anD HOLY CROW A BABY!!!

The minute Pidge walks in the door he scoops her up and justkisses her and she’s absolutely confused for a tick. But then she sees how he’sgrinning at her and how big his eyes are and she realizes that they’re wateringjust a bit and she catches on. She nuzzles up into him and cuddles him and theyjust kinda stay there swaddled together for a long time and bask in theirexcitement.

They decide to tell everyone all together at a bigget-together two weeks from when they find out. They get together with theirfamilies and the other Paladins at least once a month to catch up and shoot theshit.

They both have to try really hard to keep it to themselvesthroughout dinner until finally, after they eat, they chime in that they havean announcement to share.

Pidge is the one who actually comes right out and says thatshe’s pregnant, with Keith preening right beside her.

Colleen is immediately in excited tears and darts over tohug them both, tickled pink at having a grandbaby to dote on. Samuel gets alittle misty-eyed himself and hugs each of them in turn, kissing Pidge’s foreheadand giving Keith’s back a good and hearty pat respectively. Coran also flies into hysterical, excited tears.

Matt gives Keith a playful punch in the shoulder and makes ajoke about not congratulating the guy on getting laid with his little sister.Pidge rolls her eyes and tells Matt he’s just jealous she gets it more than hedoes.

Lance and Allura both offer their excited congratulations,admitting that they’ve been trying for a baby of their own and will hopefullybe joining them soon.

Hunk gets a little weepy and promises to help them with anypainting, building, etc. they need to do in preparation.

Krolia slips away when everyone’s distracted without a word.Keith is pretty upset about it, since he was hoping his mom would be excited tobe a grandma, but he lets it go and instead focuses on being happy with theothers.

Keith is very emotional about being a Dad™ and it makesPidge emotional about having a Family™. They feed off of one another’sFeelings™ completely.

In regards to changes to the diet and schedule, Pidgestruggles with lowering her caffeine intake and making sure she gets her sleepschedule under control.

Pidge has been dependent on caffeine since she was like15/16, okay? How else do you think she got through early morning Garrison classesand late-night Garrison hackings?

Keith sees how hard it is for her, so he starts finding waysto help her out with it. Specifically, he finds out how to make fruit smoothiesfor her to substitute her morning cup of coffee.

In regards to her sleep schedule, Pidge mostly adjusts to anormal sleep schedule because her staying up late starts to stress Keith out alittle it and she doesn’t like that. Plus, once she gets further along in thepregnancy, she feels tired more often and sleeps more simply because she alwaysfeels tired.

With them going to bed around the same time, they cuddle alot more. Once Pidge starts showing more and the baby starts moving, Keithloves sleeping with one hand on her belly so he can feel them moving. Somenights, when the baby gets really restless, it sometimes seems like Keithgently rubbing where they most recently kicked seems to help soothe them, too,so Pidge is absolutely fine with it.

Keith makes sure to attend every doctor’s appointment with Pidge,to see how she and the baby are both doing. When they reach the point they canfind out the gender, they decide to go for it since they’d been struggling withnames and maybe having a gender will help.

They are happily informed that they are expecting a littlegirl! They’re both absolutely thrilled by the news, and picking names becomes abit more streamlined.

They also get a hospital bag ready once Pidge is about amonth out from her due date. Inside are some spare clothes for Pidge, as well asthe onesie they decided to they wanted to bring the baby home in. It’s darkblue with stars and comets all over it, and a little flying saucer on the frontthat says “Outta This World!” They pick this for obvious reasons, I think.

Pidge starts feeling a little weird late into the evening onOctober 29th, but she passes it off as just being exhausted. Sheends up waking up at nearly eleven, though, and gets up to use the bathroom. Keithnotices she got up and lays there, waiting for her to come back to bed, dozingin and out of it.

“K-Keith, are you awake?”

“… Hm! Y-Yeah, I’m up! What’s up?”

“I… I’m pretty sure it’s time…”

“W-What?” *flails uselessly and topples over the side of thebed*

“I’m pretty sure my water just broke… And that these crampsaren’t just cramps…”

“Okay, we got this! We’ve prepared for this!”

Keith gets Pidge the cheap slippers she bought, just forthis situation, and helps her get to the car. He makes sure to grab thehospital bag and rushes them there. Once they arrive at the hospital, Keithsends out a mass text to everyone letting them know that Pidge is in thehospital and the baby will be born soon.

It takes about seven hours of agonizing labor, and by theend of it Keith has lost all feeling in his left hand, but at 6:48 A.M. on October30th, Keith and Pidge become the proud parents of Amber Rose Kogane!

Keith playfully refers to her the best late birthday gift he has ever received.

Amber ends up having Pidge’s eyes, which is where her firstname comes from, while they select Rose as her middle name because Keith wasonce the Red Paladin, and being Paladins was what brought the couple together.Other than that, she ends up with dark hair like Keith as well as his palecomplexion, but gets Pidge’s button nose.

Everyone gives Keith and Pidge a little time to relax andsleep before they start cropping up to visit and meet the darling little girl.In that time, Pidge gets taught how to properly breast feed, as well as bothshe and Keith being shown how to change a diaper properly, specifically asconcerns involving yeast infections are a higher risk to newborn baby girls ifthey aren’t kept clean or wiped thoroughly. They also manage to sneak in a fewhours of sleep.

Colleen and Samuel are the first two to come by, with anextra little gift. Colleen went ahead and knitted a little peach colored baby blanketfor Amber, which has Pidge watery-eyed and Keith beaming. Matt shows up not toolong after that and, being a good big brother, comes bearing snacks and sodasfor the groggy new parents. Allura, Lance, and Coran are the three to show upnext, followed closely by Hunk and then Shiro.

The hospital normally doesn’t let this many people in to oneroom to visit a newborn baby and mother, but Universe-Saving-Paladins-of-Voltron and allthat can get you some nifty little exceptions.

Everyone gets a turn to hold Amber and coo at her, thoughadmittedly Colleen and Lance tend to hog her the most. Lance tries to excuse itas simply being a matter of needing to know how to hold a baby for when he hasone of his own. Keith calls bullshit.

Pidge and Amber only have to spend one whole night in thehospital to be monitored and then they can go home. When the little family ofthree pulls up, they’re surprised to see what is clearly a Blade cruiser parkedin the front yard. Krolia is leaning against the cruiser, fiddling with asmall, long box in her hands. Pidge side-eyes Keith before indicating he gotalk to his mother while she gets Amber out of the car. Krolia perks up whileKeith approaches her.

“Uh… Hi, Mom… It’s been… A while…”

“Yes, I do apologize for that. I had to take care of somethingimportant.”

“Didn’t even stick around long enough to let us know how youfelt about having a grandkid, in fact.” *Said with only a little bit of malice.*

“Well, it was a legitimate reason. I came here to being youthe gift I got for the baby.” *Said with only a lot of defensiveness*

Pidge approaches them with Amber’s little car seat slungover one of her arms and Krolia immediately melts, looking at the dozing infantinside. They all head inside and Pidge passes Amber to Krolia once they getsettled. While she quietly cooes over her granddaughter and aks Pidge aboutthis or that about the newborn, Keith opens the little box she brought.

Inside is a brand new bonafided luxite blade.

Turns out Krolia had gone searching to find some more of themineral and then, upon retrieving some, gone looking for a blacksmith thatcould properly sculpt it into a working blade.

Keith is simultaneously touched and exasperated by the gift.Like, Krolia could have at least stayed a little longer to bask in the glow ofthe news and then gone off. Then again, he knows that she still sometimesstruggles with the whole Being-Responsible-And-Involved-With-A-Family Thing.

She vows to come by and visit as often as she can. She also reveals she has about seven or eight more luxite blades in her cruiser for anyother kids they have. Keith is a little less endeared and a little moreexasperated by this.

“But why did you getso many?”

“I wasn’t sure how many offspring a human has at once! My brotherUdurat was mated to a Patuvian and they can produce as many as five to nineoffspring at one time!”

“…”

“I have an uncle namedUdurat?”

Anyway, back to the matter at hand! Amber and her parents!

Babies are typically pretty dull for the first six-sevenweeks since they haven’t started figuring out expressions or noises or anythinglike that. It’s mostly just a grace period for parents to try and figure outwhat they’re doing before their baby becomes more like an actual little person.

Once she starts figuring things out, Amber is a veryexpressive and happy little thing. For the longest time, she doesn’t know howto laugh, so instead she just kinda wears a big grin and shrieks for all she’sworth instead. Pidge and Keith find this simultaneously adorable and hilarious.

*Keith comes home from work* “I’m home.”

*Amber’s eyes get wide and her mouth gapes wide in a bigtoothless grin and starts panting and bouncing in her seat*

“Who is that, Amber? Is that your Daddy?” *Pidge, alreadystarting to snort in anticipation*

“AaaahhhhHHHHAAAAAAHHHHHHHAAAAHHHhhhahhhhh!”

“Happy to see you, too, baby girl.”

Keith still goes on his morning runs, but he invests in alittle baby sling and takes Amber with him. He makes sure that she’s beenrecently nursed before he does – which isn’t hard, since Amber is an earlyriser like her Daddy – so that Pidge can get some more sleep while he gets tohave some Daddy-Baby time with her. He even buys Amber her own little babyvisor so the sun doesn’t get in her eyes.

Pidge gets the first genuine smile from Amber, but Keithgets the first laugh.

Amber struggles to figure out how to crawl. Like, she worksout how to roll herself on to her tummy, but she just doesn’t know what to dowith her arms. So she’ll just lay there on the ground, little butt in the air,staring at wherever she wants to go to like thatwill make her move. Again, Keith and Pidge are absolutely floored by theridiculous cuteness of their child.

She takes her first steps from Keith to Pidge while they’resitting on her little playmate with her in her room. They weren’t actuallyworking on her walking, either; she’d gotten good at standing at that point, sothey were just having her stand while they got her dressed to go to a familyget together. Pidge had been looking for the shoes that went with the littledress they picked, and Amber decided that she wanted to help look, apparently,and bam! She’s waddling her way across the floor to her Mommy.

Her first word is shouted in a way that Keith and Pidge findhilariously aggressive for such a tiny thing as her.

*Keith in the other room* “Hey, Pidge, did you finishgetting the grocery list together?”

“Uh, not yet.” *Trying to get Amber to take a little tether toy*“Aw, come one, sweetie. This is nice and cold! It’ll help with those achy littlegums!”

*Pokes his head around the corner* “Still refusing hertethers?”

“Oh, absolutely. She’s just so ridiculously stubborn.”*Small huff.*

*Amber is shoving the toy away with sharp barks of protest*

“Gee, I wonder where she gets that from…” *A small,sarcastic laugh.

“DADA!” *Shoutedwith every fiber of feeling in her tiny body and paired with a dramatic turn ofher head to look at him*

*Cue Mommy and Daddy McFreakin’ Losin’ It.*

This is all for this part for now, but I promise to have thenext part with Baby #2 out as soon as I can! x3

#crumbles grumbles #Thank you so much for the message!#I reached six pages with this and decided I needed break it up #Hopefully that's okay with everyone!#Keidge #Kidge #Peith #Kidgemas #half baked headcanons

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taeminuet · 7 years ago

Text

where there is no Echo

Title: where there is no Echo Fandom: SHINee Pairings: Jongyu Wordcount: 12k Rating: PG-13 Warnings: Illness, homophobia, character death (set before the fic), discussion of suicide (set before the fic) Summary: In which Jongin’s older brother is sick.

This is the first of the WIPs I will be posting over the next little bit. Please pay attention to the warnings.

note: I did my best to get almost everything in this fic to at least stage 2 of my outlining process (though I think one section may be at stage 1). That means there are no gaps in this fic. There are definitely areas where the plot is glossed over, where it’s not formatted into a full fic, but there’s about 10k of full-on fic and a few sections later where I formatted it into a very loose shape of what the future paragraphs would be. I’m sad to think that this will never be a fic, but even the editing of this killed me, and I don’t imagine I could write the whole thing.

That said, I will repeat: please pay attention to the warnings. Thank you all so much for your support and I appreciate all of you. <3

“Look, it's not I'm trying to avoid anything,” Jinki defends himself, shifting the phone he has pinned between his shoulder and his ear. It slides dangerously, threatening to fall, and he hisses a note of panic, throwing his hand up to catch it and stabbing himself in the cheek with his pen. Moaning weakly, he scrubs at the spot, more than a little glad that his roommate isn't there to tease him for this not-so-uncommon show of grace. Unfortunately, on the other end of the line, his cousin is already snickering at him softly.

Jinki sighs. “I want to come home,” he goes on, though how true that is when he's being laughed at is questionable, “but it's just not feasible right now. I have exams to study for, and I barely have enough money to buy food. I just can't afford the week off or the money it would take to get there. I'm sorry, Tae. If it was possible...”

“You know mom would give you money if you asked,” Taemin protests, a pout of his own evident in his voice. Jinki can imagine him without effort, sitting in the center of his bed, his long hair pulled into a high ponytail and his lips curled down at the edges as he sulks into the phone. His cellphone model actually has a speakerphone that works, but he probably hasn't remembered to use it, so he'll be leaning in close to the phone as he whines, “Just come home. You know she'd give you enough to get here. She misses you. We both do.”

Jinki sighs again. He really does miss them both terribly, and it's such a tempting offer, the thought of getting to go home and see him making his resolve waver. But, “I don't need the money though, and I don't want to do that to Auntie. She works hard enough.”

“But hyung,” Taemin whines, “I--”

“No 'buts', Taemin,” Jinki cuts him off. He feels mean, but he also knows that if Taemin keeps talking, he'll give in eventually, and he doesn't want to do that. “It's spring break, not the end of the world.”

There's silence for a long moment, and Jinki wonders if Taemin is giving him the silent treatment -- he honestly wouldn't put it past him. But then the younger takes a deep breath, the sound sending a static buzz across the microphone as if to confirm Jinki's mental image. “It's just really lonely here.”

“Oh, Tae...” Jinki sets his pen down and switches the phone to his other ear, fixing his attention more fully on Taemin. Maybe he can't spare a whole week to visit his cousin, but he can most definitely spare a couple of minutes to talk to him properly. At very least he can do that.

Taemin is his entire world most days, and that's only recently changed. By recently, he means when he moved to college, because up until then, it had only been the two of them.

Living out in the country hadn't been a bad way to grow up, not by a long shot, but it had been a little lonely. Most of the other occupants of their town were older couples, their children moved on into the city with their own jobs, and while of course that had meant that he and Taemin had been adored and doted by older grandmotherly types, it also meant that there just weren't any other children to play with.

It wasn't a good place for kids to grow up, really, but his aunt had tried hard. It had to have been hard to have taken on a child that wasn't her own when she was already struggling with bills and raising her own child. Jinki understood now exactly how much she had done for him, but at the time he had been a confused child, struggling with the loss of his mother and struggling harder to understand exactly why he had been left with a woman who he had only met a few times and a toddler who wasn't old enough to keep him company and cried all the time.

Jinki understood now that it had been the only option, but he had been a lonely child until Taemin was old enough to keep him company.

Once Taemin was older though, grown enough to really spend time with him, they had been inseparable. It had been the two of them against the world; Taemin had looked up to him with some kind of hero worship, and Jinki had adored him. Even when the two of them were old enough to be driven almost an hour the nearest public middle school, exposed to more children around, they hadn't really bothered to befriend the other children.

Or, rather, Taemin had been too busy defending himself from the incessant accusations of him being gay to try and actually make friends with the people sneering at him and whispering behind his back, and Jinki had been furious and unwilling to speak to anyone who would dare make fun of Taemin.

He had tried his best to defend him, of course, but it was hard. Despite Taemin being the one to fit all the ridiculous high school stereotypes -- long hair, delicate features, an interest in dance, and the frame to suit it – Taemin isn't gay. But Jinki is, and Taemin refused to let him risk transferring all the torment to himself. Jinki was the smart one, Taemin had insisted despite Jinki’s protests, the one who had always been going on to bigger and better things.

But now that he has, graduated with honors and moved to the city for university, he's left Taemin alone in a small town and a high school where people tease him, and Jinki feels awful for it. He feels even worse for denying him when all he's asking for is some company. Jinki is five and a half hours away from him studying day and night. If nothing else, Jinki owes Taemin a little while to talk to him.

“Tae, I'm sorry,” Jinki apologizes after a long minute of silence. “I'll be home for the summer. If I can pass all of my exams, I won't have any summer classes, and then I'll be home for months while you're out of class.”

“I have to study during the summer, hyung,” Taemin reminds him, but there's something in his voice that Jinki thinks might be a smile. “And I have dance classes.”

“I'll help you then!” Jinki offers, smiling back. “And I'll come watch you dance. It'll be like old times.”

Taemin laughs into the phone and Jinki exhales a breath he hadn't realized he was holding, leaning back in his chair. More than ever now, he wishes that he was going home to visit Taemin for break, because he's been so stressed out about everything that just taking a moment to speak to his cousin makes him feel more relaxed than he's been in weeks. So much so that when Taemin laughs, “God, I hope not. I've gotten tons better this year,” Jinki giggles so hard that he falls backwards out of his chair.

It's just in time for his roommate to walk in and see him sprawled on the floor, but the guy merely rolls his eyes before going to drop into his bed and grab his laptop. Jinki blushes pink and picks himself up and then the phone in time to hear Taemin ask, “Hyung, are you okay?”

“Fine,” he says, stretching out his leg with a wince. “Just not as graceful as you. I'm glad your dancing is going well!”

Taemin laughs again. “Yeah, well, we got a new student, who's actually really nice. We've been practicing together, so...”

“New student?” Jinki asks with interest, perking up. Taemin groans at his tone of voice, but Jinki's too excited to listen to the clear note of fond protest in Taemin's voice. “Is she cute?”

“He, hyung,” Taemin says with a laugh. “And yeah, I guess so, but you know that's more your scene than mine.”

“That's fair,” Jinki chuckles, “Does he live close?”

“You're not hitting on my dance partner, hyung!” Taemin protests, “He's like five years younger than you!”

“I don't want to hit on your dance partner. I'm pretty sure you'll have him corrupted by the summer anyways. I just meant so that you might have some company.”

It stifles the amusement a little, reminding them both of exactly how this conversation started. Taemin's laughter tapers off into a soft noncommittal sound. “His family lives in an apartment in the city right now. They're trying to find somewhere nice, but they haven't gotten a good place yet.”

“Ah,” Jinki says, smiling sympathetically, “Maybe they'll move in close and you won't be so lonely. It'll be okay, Taeminnie.”

“Don't call me that,” Taemin whines, but he sounds pleased. After a minute, he adds, “I miss you, hyung.”

“I know, Tae,” Jinki sighs, and then catches the glare from his roommate. Right. His roommate can't sleep while there's talking. “I miss you too. And I'll talk to you later, okay?”

“Yes, hyung,” Taemin says, and there's an almost dejected creak from his mattress as he moves around.

Jinki frowns. “I really do.”

“I know. Later, hyung.”

“Later, Tae,” he whispers, but the phone line is already dead. Sighing, he plugs his cellphone in to charge and crawls into his own bed just in time for his roommate to switch out the lights, shift around for a minute, and promptly start snoring softly.

Rolling over, Jinki realizes that he might be just as lonely as Taemin.

Homework swamps him over the next few weeks, and Jinki honestly does spend most of his spring break in the school library. He also spends the weeks after that, and before he knows it, he's answering the phone to his cousin's voice for the first time since they spoke since before spring break, and it's to Taemin's greeting of, “Happy Easter, hyung!”

Jinki blinks at his calendar for a long minute, shocked and appalled. How on earth is it Easter already? The weeks have flown by, and Jinki realizes that in all his preparations for his upcoming finals, he hasn't really had time for anyone else lately. The thought makes his stomach churn uncomfortably. “Happy Easter, Tae. How's it going?”

“Oh, you know,” Taemin replies, and his voice isn't nearly as upset as Jinki would have expected considering that Jinki's practically been MIA for the last for weeks. In fact, he sounds almost giddy when he adds, “Pretty good!”

“Pretty good?” Jinki repeats, dubiously. It's not that he's not happy that Taemin is happy, but it's just strange when it wasn’t that long ago that Taemin was begging him to come home and confessing in that trembling voice how lonely he was. Still, Jinki's not going to look a gift horse in the mouth over this. He grins, knowing Taemin will be able to tell the expression in his words. “Okay, I'll bite. What happened?”

“Free chocolate isn't enough?” Taemin laughs, but he's quick to add, “You remember that friend I met in dance class? He moved in!”

“Moved in?” Jinki asks, bewildered. “Moved in where?”

“The old house a few blocks over. The one that's been for sale forever,” Taemin says, and then giggles. “You know, the one that we used to say was haunted?”

“Taem, tell me you didn't tell your new friend that he lives in a house full of ghosts!” Jinki admonishes, thoroughly ruining it with a laugh of his own.

Taemin snorts into the phone. “Of course not, hyung. What do you take me for? I told him about the brutal murder-suicide in the attic and let him draw him own conclusions.”

“Taemin!” Jinki says, scandalized, and then pauses for a moment before asking, “Does that house even have an attic?”

“I dunno,” Taemin shrugs. “I don't think so, but I mean, Jonginnie's pretty gullible.”

“Jonginnie, huh? You sure you're not interested in him that way?”

“Hyung!” Taemin yells, and it's his turn to sound scandalized.

Jinki laughs until he can't breathe, and Taemin keeps protesting into the phone until it's time to pass it over to his mother. Jinki greets his aunt warmly, and she does the same thing, telling him about her promotion at her work.

“Now that Taeminnie has a friend,” she says honestly, in that furtive voice that means Taemin is nearby and she’s trying not to let him hear, “I'm not so worried about leaving him to take care of himself.”

“You should be. Now he's just corrupting an innocent,” Jinki laughs.

“Well then,” his aunt counters, “you'll just have to come home and stop him.”

Jinki sighs, clearly caught. “Summer vacation starts in a few weeks. I'll be home then.”

“You better,” she threatens, her voice soft. “It's not the same around here without you.”

“Sorry, Auntie,” he apologizes. “I miss you both, and I'll see you soon, okay?”

“Okay, Jinki. We'll see you soon.”

Jinki hangs up, rubbing his eyes slowly. Taemin has a friend now, but that doesn't make Jinki feel any less worn out, any less eager to get back to his family. He buries himself back in his studying, losing himself in flash cards and facts until his roommate wakes him up with a loud clearing of his throat, prompting Jinki to jerk up in alarm from where his head was laid down on his desk. “You need the light?”

“Oh, uh,” Jinki replies, “no. You can turn it--”

It's off before he finishes his sentence, and Jinki has to feel his way to his bed in the dark.

“So, uh,” Jinki says awkwardly, scuffing his foot along the carpet. His bags are in his car, his books have been returned to the school, he has his laptop bag slung over his shoulder, and he's staring across the dorm room at his roommate who is packing up a few more things and not really looking at Jinki. Jinki feels more than a little uncomfortable. “It's been fun.”

“Yeah, sure,” his roommate says, batting his hand in the air. “It's been a real riot, Joonki.”

“It's Jin... you know what, nevermind.” He rolls his shoulders for a second. “I'll see you around.”

He doesn't get a response this time, and he sighs softly, ducking his head as he walks out of the dorm. It's probably the last time he'll see his roommate, considering the size of their campus. Maybe he should feel a little bad, but considering that conversation, he can't say he does. Instead, he scoops his phone out of his pocket and punches in Taemin's number.

It rings a couple of times, and Jinki feels his heart plummet with the thought that Taemin isn't going to answer him. Then the phone clicks and Jinki's assaulted with the sound of music, the bass pounding through the speakers loud enough that he has to pull the phone away from his ear. He's glad he did, because a second later, Taemin is literally screaming into the phone, his voice loud as he hollers, “Hyung? Are you home?!”

Jinki laughs. “Could you even hear me if I was going to say 'yes'?”

He almost doubles over when Taemin's only response is, “What? I can't hear you!”

“Turn down the music, Tae!” Jinki shouts back, earning himself a couple of weird looks from the other students packing up their things to head home for the summer.

“Hold on, hyung,” Taemin says, quieter now, but still too loud, “Jonginnie, turn the music down!”

The music quiets a bit, and Jinki smiles slightly. “You're with Jongin? Are you sure you two are not--”

“Hyung,” Taemin says, and he sounds so honestly mortified that Jinki is actually genuinely taken aback. “I mean,” Taemin adds after a second, “no. You know I'm not--”

“Okay,” Jinki says, holding up his free hand in mock surrender, even if he knows Taemin can't see it. “Okay, I get it. But if I get home and you two are engaged, don't say I didn't tell you so.”

“So you're not home yet?” Taemin asks, and his voice has a little bit of a pout in it.

“No, not yet,” Jinki apologizes, “But I'm on my way. Give me a few hours and I'll be there, okay?”

“Okay,” Taemin chirrups, “I'll see you in a few hours.”

“Alright, Tae,” Jinki says, climbing into his car. “Bye.”

For once, after a conversation with his cousin, he doesn't feel guilty or lonely, and he hums happily under his breath as he tosses his laptop bag and his cellphone into the passenger seat and heads for home. It's a long drive, admittedly, and he remembers about halfway there exactly why he didn't want to do this for spring break, but he has the entire summer now. He'll have some studying to do to keep up with his work, but mostly it'll be free time and getting to spend time with someone who actually remembers his name.

Also, apparently, someone who he's never met before, Jinki realizes as he pulls up outside his house a couple of hours later. The sun is starting to dip toward the horizon, and Jinki has to squint into it as he pulls up the street, so he's not entirely sure whether he's going crazy or not when he sees someone suspiciously similar to his cousin standing right next to Taemin, but when he gets out of the car, he just lifts an eyebrow.

Taemin is beaming, long hair tied up in the loose bun that says he's been dancing, and he bounces up and throws sweaty arms around Jinki's shoulders with a grin. Behind him is what appears to be Taemin if he grew a couple of centimeters, got a tan, and cut his hair short. Jinki blinks, and then remembers to make a face of disgust and shrug Taemin off with a soft, “Ugh, Taemin, that's disgusting. Go take a shower.”

“It's nice to see you too, hyung!” Taemin chirps, clinging on closer with an impish grin. “How was the drive home?”

“Long,” Jinki admits. “What's with the good twin?”

“Wait, why am I the good twin?” The boy speaks up, looking bemused. He tilts his head to one side and stops looking quite as much like Taemin, mostly because he now looks a little like a bewildered puppy.

Jinki smiles at him. “Jongin, I presume? Right, well, you should know Taemin well enough at this point to know that he's certainly not.”

“That's...” Jongin starts and then stops and shrugs, “That's fair.”

Jinki laughs while Taemin pulls away from him to frown at his new friend. “You’re a traitor. You’re a traitor, and I don’t need you now that hyung is home.”

The sentence actually takes Jinki aback, and he blinks rapidly, eyebrows knitting and mouth pursing into a tight line. He isn’t sure whether to tell off Taemin first or apologize to Jongin, and so he stands there for a moment, totally off guard.

Jongin bursts into laughter, the kind that makes his mouth gape open and his upper body bounce with the force of it. Next to him, Taemin beams, covering the expression with his hand like that might help hide the fact that his complaint has now turned to nothing but smiles and happiness. Jinki hasn’t seen his cousin this happy in a very long time, and Jinki reaches out without thinking to squeeze his shoulder, a smile on his lips. He’s glad to be home.

“It’s nice to meet you, Jongin,” he says, voice all honestly. “Are you staying for dinner?”

“Nah, I’ve got to get home. I was just walking back with Taemin after practice, and he insisted I wait here until you got here so I could meet you. He's told me a lot about you, hyung.”

Jongin’s smile is sweet, and Jinki nods a little approvingly. Taemin, however, pouts. “Jonginnie, stay. Mom won’t mind, you know. She always says you’re welcome.”

“No, no, it’s alright!” Jongin rubs at the back of his neck a little. “I’ve got to get home. It’s not every night your cousin gets home. This should be a family thing. Besides,” he adds quickly to abate the protest Taemin has just opened his mouth to add, “I’ve got summer school work to catch up on, you know? Moving put me behind, and I don’t want to be a grade behind you just because I’m struggling with some math.”

“Jinki-hyung is great at math! He could help you catch up!” Taemin says, like it’s some kind of bartering system, and Jinki lifts an eyebrow at him for volunteering his services without asking.

Jongin just blinks at him though, suddenly looking a little shy, and asks, “Could you, hyung? I’m just kind of confused by some of it, and I don’t want to repeat a year when I know I could wrap my head around it with a little more practice.”

Jinki caves. Either Taemin has taught Jongin the tricks of the trade for getting Jinki to give in to things or Jongin just naturally has that hopeful puppy look, but either way, it doesn’t bode well for Jinki if Taemin and Jongin ever team up on him.

“Sure, Jongin. It’s not a problem,” he agrees. “Just not tonight? I’m a little tired from the drive.”

“No! No, of course not, hyung!” Jongin says, grinning brightly. “Just whenever you get settled in!”

Jongin and Taemin both look far too excited about this, Taemin’s mouth a proud little smirk like he somehow just brokered the world’s greatest peace treaty instead of some strange tutoring session for his best friend. Jinki fights not to roll his eyes, just grabs the essentials out of his car and tosses them at his cousin’s face. “Help me carry these in?”

To his credit, Jinki only breaks two things while moving back in, and that plate had been on its last legs before he even left, so he can’t really be blamed for that. Also to his credit, in the same amount of time, Taemin loses his cellphone (twice), three different hair ties, and somehow, mysteriously, his left shoe. Jinki figures they all have their vices.

It takes him three or fours days, mostly because he keeps getting derailed by the requests to spend quality time with both Taemin and his aunt, who, while her job takes her away a lot, makes a concerted effort to be home for dinner every night, even if that dinner is take-out. Taemin volunteers to cook, but he’s shot down extremely quickly.

Jongin shows up for at least a couple of hours a day, usually to hang out with Taemin, though sometimes he ends up helping Jinki move things, smiling at him and claiming to “really want to help, hyung!” when prompted. He’s a good kid, Jinki decides, and so, when he’s finally finished unpacking, he figures he owes it to Jongin not to put it off anymore, even if he really doesn’t want to do any more math.

Still, high school math can’t be as bad as college level calculus courses, he figures.

He’s wrong.

It’s not that the numbers are harder – if nothing else, Jinki breezes through the equations once he’s got them figures out. It’s that somehow, somewhere along the line, someone hired a batman super villain to write the word problems that Jongin shows him from his workbook. It takes way longer than it should just to figure out what the questions want him to figure out, and usually there’s at least one completely unnecessary number in there to throw him off, because why just teach math when they can easily throw advanced problem-solving into the mix, just in case the students had strange film noire aspirations to their lives.

Jinki doesn’t say any of this though. No reason to discourage Jongin. Instead, he casually mentions maybe not doing all of this today and coming around to help out a lot more. “Easier to do an hour or two a couple of times a week than try and cram it all into a few days and get frustrated, right?” he offers in his gentlest voice.

The look Taemin gives him from the chair across Jongin's living room tells him he’s fooling no one, but Jongin lights up hopefully. “Would you? God, it’d be great not to have to sit down and do five or six hours of math at a time.”

“Of course. And,” he adds, because Taemin has upgraded from giving him a look to giving him a look, and Jinki wants to discourage that right now, “it might make it a little easier to get through if you’re not getting frustrated after a couple of hours.”

“Yeah,” Jongin admits, looking sheepish again. It’s not an uncommon look for him, Jinki’s learning. “I just can’t sit still for a long time or I get really sleepy, you know? It’s like –“

Jongin stops abruptly, though even if he had gone on, Jinki would have missed it. His head has already snapped around to look up towards the ceiling, the loud thumping noise like something falling making him jump a little. For half a second, Jinki has some weird flashback to him and Taemin joking about this house being haunted, but that’s ridiculous. Besides, Jongin looks more concerned than confused, like he knows very well where the noise is coming from.

“Hyung?” He calls loudly, and there’s a long stretch of silence. Jinki almost jumps when it’s broken by the trill of Jongin’s phone going off. It’s sitting right between them on the table, and Jinki catches a glimpse of the name 'Hyung~ ^^' before Jongin picks it up and swipes the screen, greeting, “Hyung, are you okay?”

Jinki can hear what’s said, but it’s obviously not good because Jongin tenses a little and starts to get up. Across from them, Taemin shakes his head. “Jonginnie’s brother is really sick,” he tells Jinki in a quiet voice. “He doesn’t leave his room a whole lot. It’s why they moved out here – the doctors said the fresh air would be good for him, even if it’s a little further from the hospital. Don’t know if fresh air helps when he doesn’t get outside much, but…”

He shrugs loosely, and Jinki glances at Jongin, but he’s absorbed in the phonecall, saying, “Hyung, if you fell on the way to the bathroom, I can come help… No, I get that, but… Mom’s going to be really upset if you got hurt because…”

It sounds like he’s getting refused at every turn, because he sits back down slowly, protests getting quieter by the minute. Finally he sighs out, “Okay, but if you need me, text me. I’ll be right up.”

He hangs up the phone and sets it down, looking worried. Jinki frowns, empathy stirring up feelings of sadness in his chest. He pats Jongin’s arm quietly, the same as he would for Taemin. “Do you need to go help him?”

“No, he says he’s fine,” Jongin sighs, giving no sign that he’s even remotely upset by Taemin telling Jinki what’s going on. “My mom’s a little overprotective, and he gets upset after a while. Says that he’s sick, but he’s not an invalid. It’s just…”

Jongin shakes his head a little and then shrugs. Taemin reaches out and squeezes his friend’s arm. “It’ll be fine. Do you need to skip dance practice this afternoon to keep an eye out for him?”

“No, my mom will be home,” Jongin says, shaking his head. “We’re good. Can we finish up these two pages maybe?”

It’s an abrupt change of subject, but Jinki’s more than willing to give into it. He probably hadn’t wanted to talk about his mom a lot there at the end either.

“Okay,” he says instead, pointing at a problem, “So they’re looking for which of these could be the total price amount of the coins you have, and you have a ratio of 4:3 with a total of 14 coins…”

Jinki squints at the word problem in exasperation, Jongin looking completely at a loss, and Taemin stands up abruptly, fishing out a handful of coins from his pocket and dumping them out on the table. They’re still laughing and rearranging the money when Jongin’s mother comes home and Jongin and Taemin rush up to Jongin’s room to change into dance clothes.

Jinki smiles after them and introduces himself to the woman as he cleans up Taemin’s money and organizes the workbooks they’d been pouring over. It kind of surprises him when he finds himself being greeted warmly and told to come over any time he’d like, that Taemin is practically a third son at this point and that Jinki is more than welcome any time.

It makes Jinki’s heart swell to hear such good things about Taemin, especially when his cousin rushes back downstairs with Jongin in tow and whines, “Hyung, come on. We’re going to be late!” like that’s Jinki’s fault.

“It was nice to meet you,” Jinki says with another bow as he shoves Taemin’s coins into his pocket to return them when Taemin is once more wearing an outfit with pockets. He gets tugged out of the door before he gets a response, and shakes his head as Taemin and Jongin have a brief scuffle over the passenger seat of Jinki’s car.

Looking back at Jongin’s house, he pauses for a moment at the sight of a short boy in one of the windows, blinking down at them with a look that tugs at Jinki’s heartstrings. He gets distracted when the scuffle ends with Taemin knocking into him, and by the time he looks back, the boy is gone from the window. Jinki stares a moment longer before banishing both of the boys to the back seat under threat of rescinding his offer to drive both of them to dance.

It’s the next Tuesday before Jinki has a real chance to go over and help Jongin again, mostly because Taemin coaxes him into taking him into the city over the weekend. It’s not a big deal, really, but they spend most of the day window shopping, visiting arcades, and getting ice cream. It’s all those things that they both wished they could do all the time when Jinki was still in high school, and getting to do them now is nice.

Nice is also more than a little exhausting though, and they spend Sunday recovering, playing video games in their boxers with the blinds drawn and only stumbling downstairs for dinner when Taemin’s mom gets home.

Monday is another lazy day, though this one is because there’s really nothing much to do; Jongin and his family are in in the city this time. There’s probably no ice cream and window shopping though, because Taemin points out that if they’re in the city then they’re probably at the hospital for Jongin’s brother.

That makes Jinki’s stomach drop hard and fast, but Taemin just shakes his head. “He has checkups, like, all the time. Every couple of weeks or so. They’re pretty much trying to just keep an eye on him.”

“Right,” Jinki says, though it doesn’t help any, and when they walk over to Jongin’s on Tuesday for Jinki to help Jongin with his math, he pauses for an extra moment outside, looking up at the window where he had seen the boy looking out. All the rooms upstairs are dark though, and when Jongin opens the door, he explains why.

“Hyung’s sleeping,” he says, voice hushed. “He’s been kind of worn out lately.”

“Do you want to do this another day?” Jinki asks, because he doesn’t want to disturb the sick boy. “It’s fine if you’d rather wait.”

Jongin shakes his head. “No, honestly, it's fine. We just can’t be super loud or anything.”

They follow Jongin into the living room where he has his math books set out along with some spare papers and a few pencils. He starts to sit down and then seems to think better of it, looking at them both and asking, “Do you want anything to drink?”

“I’ll take a beer,” Taemin says in such a deadpan voice that Jinki glances at him for a moment.

“Okay, so you want a soda,” Jongin says in a voice just as deadpan, and then looks to Jinki. “And for you, hyung?”

“Soda would be great, thanks,” Jinki replies, taking a seat, and opens the math book to begin looking over it and making sure he knows what he’s talking about.

Taemin follows Jongin into the kitchen to get drinks for them, the two of them chatting in hushed, amiable voices that Jinki can’t quite make out. It’s nice background noise, and Jinki hums softly to himself as he listens to their quiet voices from the other room, eyes skimming the words. He hears them come back in the room, jostling each other and still talking away, and he looks up to smile and take the drink from Jongin’s hand only to watch in a kind of helpless horror as Taemin knocks against Jongin a bit too roughly, liquid sloshing from the glass he’s offering and spilling sticky across Jinki’s hand and arm, dripping down onto the table as well.

“Oh my god, hyung, I’m so sorry,” Jongin fumbles out at once, wide-eyed and red-faced, jerking away and ending up spilling more soda across the table. From behind him, Taemin snorts with laughter, and both of them glare at the long-haired boy, Jongin hissing out a, “Shut the hell up, Taemin.”

“Jongin, it’s fine,” Jinki says, trying to be kind, because Jongin looks frankly mortified. “It’ll wash out. Just, where’s your bathroom?”

“Oh, god, uhm, it’s… upstairs and to the left. Or, no, second door on the left. Yeah. First one’s a closet, and… should I, uhm, show you, or…?”

“I’m sure I can find it, Jongin,” Jinki says, trying to be as patient as he can. “You might want to clean this up, though…”

“Right, yes, okay,” Jongin says, and rushes towards the kitchen to, presumably, get something to clean up with.

Taemin watches him go, reaching down and plucking Jongin’s math book away from the mess, and Jinki shakes his head for a second and then heads upstairs, taking them as quietly as he can.

The bathroom is easy to find and loosely decorated, the soap dispenser matching the shower curtain and the towels, though both of those are hanging loosely and unfolded from the rack, making it clear they’ve been used recently. It’s a typical bathroom for a teenage boy, and Jinki finds himself smiling slightly as he turns on the tap and starts scrubbing at his hands and arm, trying to wash the soda out of the sleeve of his shirt.

When he’s gotten it mostly out, to the point where it won’t be troublesome when he goes to wash it, he looks around, fishing for a hand towel of some sort. Out of the corner of his eye, he sees something, and when he turns his head, he sees two faces in the mirror, another boy standing behind him in the doorway.

Jinki nearly jumps out of his skin, whirling around with a gasp. “Who…?”

The boy in the doorway blinks at him slowly. “You’re new,” he says, voice soft and light. He has light blond hair and a puppyish face, eyes a little dark like he doesn’t get a whole lot of rest. He’s wearing a thick, soft-looking sweater, fingers curled into it in a clear sign that he’s cold. Jinki can understand that; the air conditioning is running full-blast up here, making the upstairs seem a lot colder than the relatively comfortable downstairs. Still, it seems like a weird thing to be wearing mid-summer, and Jinki hesitates a moment, especially when the boy raises an eyebrow. “You’re… one of, uh, Jongin’s friends, right?”

“Y-yeah,” Jinki says, a little taken aback, and then he remembers the boy he had seen in the window only a few days ago. Jongin’s brother. Jongin had said he was sleeping, but he’d obviously woken up. “I’m Jinki.”

“Jonghyun,” the boy says, sounding almost nervous now. He must not meet very many new people. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” Jinki answers, smiling politely. “Sorry, you just startled me.”

“Yeah, I, uh… I get that a lot,” Jonghyun says with a shrug. “I didn’t really think you’d notice me, but…”

“Well, you were standing in the doorway. It was a little hard to miss,” Jinki points out, and Jonghyun hums in acknowledgement but doesn’t reply. After a second, Jinki adds, “I’m sorry. Did you need the bathroom?”

“Oh, uh,” Jonghyun says, looking like this has just occurred to him, “yeah. Thanks.”

“No problem,” Jinki says with a smile. “I’ll just get out of your way.”

He twists off the tap and settles for drying his hands on his pants, figuring no one will really care. Then he edges past Jonghyun who’s still standing in the doorway and makes his way back downstairs.

Jongin has the soda cleaned up, but he starts in on apologies the second Jinki’s back in the room, and Jinki has to shake his head a little and wave them off with a, “Jongin, it was an accident. And Taemin’s fault if anything. It’ll come out in the wash. Let’s just work on your math, alright?”

Taemin looks offended, putting his hand to his chest like Jinki has deeply wounded him, and Jongin snickers softly and agrees. Leaning in, Jinki starts in on the math with Jongin, not even thinking to mention that Jonghyun is up and about until a while later when Jongin’s mother gets home and asks Jongin how his brother’s doing. Still, it’s been a while, and Jonghyun’s probably gone back to bed, so Jinki lets it lie.

He and Taemin decline Jongin’s mother’s offer of dinner, saying that they need to get home, and they head out soon after, leaving Jongin with his family. Jinki glances over his shoulder out of habit and sees Jonghyun blinking at him from one of the windows. He waves tentatively, and Jonghyun takes a second and then waves back.

“What are you doing, hyung?” Taemin asks, already headed down the street without him. “Come on! Mom’s home, and she said she’s making something good for dinner tonight.”

“I’m coming,” Jinki replies and strides after his cousin, looking back once more to see Jongyhun staring after him.

It becomes kind of a routine after a couple of weeks. Fridays are dance for the two younger boys, so Jinki helps Jongin with his math then and then takes the both of them to their class in the evenings. Tuesdays are also set aside to help Jongin struggle through the mess of numbers he has to deal with. The rest of the week is kind of a give-or-take thing, and more often than not, the other days of the week find Jongin with Taemin at every possible moment, thus meaning that Jinki sees quite a bit of the boy. Eventually, after a few weeks, Jongin stops being so shy and openly extends the invitation for Jinki to come hang out at his house as well.

Jinki doesn’t mind doing so, though he doesn’t have the same thing for video games that the two younger boys do. Or, rather, he does, but he tends to lounge on the couch and play games on his phone while the two boys argue playfully and shoot each others’ characters in the face, even when they’re on the same team.

Jinki hasn’t seen any more of Jonghyun so far, but Jongin mentioned something about going to the city every Monday now, citing, “Hyung’s been a lot more tired recently. The doctors say the move just took it out of him and it’ll be a while for him to get back on his feet, but… I dunno, they say a lot of things.”

He sounds moderately sad about it, but he’s also kind of accepting, like he’s been dealing with this for a long time. Jinki thinks it’s probably hard for Jongin to deal with, but, of course, it’s probably hard for Jonghyun as well. He’s the one who’s sick after all.

Jinki doesn’t say either one of those things. Instead he gets up quietly while the younger boys argue over who gets to have a certain type of gun and wanders upstairs towards the bathroom.

He hadn’t been meaning to creep on anyone, but when he finds a door open, he can't help but poke his head in. It’s empty, bed neatly made, curtains drawn. It feels a little sterile actually, unlived in, and for some reason it makes Jinki squirm, a chill going down his spine.

Maybe this is a guest room? There are other doors along the hallway, all closed, and those could easily be bedrooms for two boys. Maybe –

“So you’re here a lot now, huh?” A voice interrupts his thoughts.

Jinki jumps about a mile high, heart starting to thunder in his chest. How he had missed Jonghyun sitting in a chair in the corner, he has no idea, but the boy just scared this shit out of him. Jinki presses his palm to his chest, trying to make sure he’s not having a heart attack or something. “S-sorry,” he fumbles out. “I didn’t mean—“

“You’re fine,” Jonghyun says with a shrug, getting up out of the chair soundlessly and moving to lean against the wall nearer Jinki instead. “I’m not mad that you’re in here or anything. The door was open, so…”

“Yeah, I saw that. I just thought… I mean, I thought maybe I’d say hello?” Jinki tries, a little cautiously. “I didn’t know if you were sleeping or what, but…”

Jonghyun looks baffled for a second, blinking a few times. Then he starts laughing for some reason, a kind of weary sound, and shakes his head. “Nah, I don’t sleep much.”

“But I thought…” Jinki starts, and then clams up. He doesn’t want to be rude or anything. After a second he tries, “Should I leave you alone so you can rest?”

“No,” Jonghyun says, a little too fast. “I like the company. I don’t get a whole lot of it.”

“Oh. Does Jongin not…?” Jinki asks, brow furrowing.

“He’s a sweet kid.” Jonghyun shrugs. “He’s just got too much going on to see me much.”

“That’s sad.”

“Not so much as you’d think. I’m kind of used to it. It’s just kind of a part of… all this.” Jonghyun smiles like he’s got a joke that he’s not sharing with Jinki. “I don’t mind so much. It’s nice to talk to someone though.”

“I can come visit more, if you’d like?” Jinki says.

Jonghyun’s eyebrows furrow. “Don’t go out of your way.”

“I’m not!” Jinki promises, smiling as kindly as he can. “Like you said, I’m here a lot now.”

“Then… yeah, that sounds nice. If I’m around,” Jonghyun says, shrugging like it doesn’t matter. There’s something longing in his face though.

“If you’re around,” Jinki agrees. “It’s really nice to—“ Jinki stops abruptly when he hears Taemin’s voice from downstairs, calling out to him. He turns in the doorway, looking down the hall, and then sighs a little. “I should go.”

“Yeah,” Jonghyun agrees from behind him, and Jinki looks back to see him halfway across the room again, settling back into his chair.

Jinki frowns. “I’ll see you around?”

“Yeah, maybe,” Jonghyun says. “Can you, uh, shut the door behind you?”

“Sure,” Jinki says, stomach twisting a little. That hadn’t been how he wanted that conversation to go.

He shuts the door behind him and goes downstairs to find Taemin lacing up his shoes. “Where’ve you been?” Taemin asks. “It’s time to go home for dinner.”

Jinki thinks about answering, but it feels weird somehow, like he shouldn’t tell Taemin about the loose attempt at friendship he’s carving out with Jongin’s brother. If that can be counted as a friendship.

It doesn’t matter a whole lot. Taemin’s happy to accept Jinki’s shrug and, “Sorry. Lost track of time.”

“Did you find the ghosts in the attic?” Taemin teases, and Jinki laughs as he pulls on his own shoes and they head home for dinner, Taemin chattering excitedly about his and Jongin’s video game.

It becomes a sort of habit for Jinki to try and slip upstairs at some point to see Jonghyun. Not all the time, of course. He still spends quite a bit of time with Jongin and Taemin, sometimes helping Jongin with his math and sometimes just watching the two of them bicker playfully and play video games. But a lot of the times, he manages to find some time to go and visit. He had said he would try, after all, and it’s not like it’s hard to slip away.

Taemin and Jongin are in their own little world, and Jinki finds himself a kind of third wheel more often than not. It’s a little weird, but Jinki doesn’t mind. Taemin’s happy, and it’s nice to see him so open and entirely himself. It’s pretty much all Jinki’s ever wanted for Taemin, and while he originally thought that he might mind the two of them being so wrapped up in their friendship, he’s not.

Part of that is Jonghyun.

He’s not always there. Sometimes Jinki goes up and finds all of the doors shut, and when he knocks softly on the door, he’s always ignored. He figures Jonghyun really is sleeping at those times, and he doesn’t want to disturb him.

Other times he goes up and Jonghyun’s sitting there in his room with the door open, either sitting cross legged on the bed or folded up in the chair. Sometimes he seems to be scribbling things in notebook, but he always hides it away like magic when Jinki comes in. Still, he smiles at Jinki sweetly enough that Jinki has never had room to ask about it, always greeting him with a, “You’re back!”

The first few times he sounded more surprised than pleased, and Jinki had worried that he wasn’t as welcome as Jonghyun had made it seem during their earlier encounters. But Jinki realized quickly that Jonghyun just doesn’t get a lot of socialization. He supposes it’s always either Jongin or Mrs. Kim, and Jonghyun still sometimes expresses how rarely Jongin sees him. Jinki doesn’t have the heart to tell him that that’s probably because of Taemin, but Jonghyun seems to know anyways.

“Your cousin seems nice,” he tells Jinki a couple of weeks into their visits, a wry smile on his lips, and when Jinki’s eyebrows furrow, he continues, “I’ve never really spoken to him. He’s very wrapped up in Jongin, isn’t he?”

“Yeah, they’re pretty close,” Jinki says, shrugging a little. “They spend a lot of time together.”

“I’ve noticed,” Jonghyun says with a snort of amusement. “Jongin’s enamored.”

“What?” Jinki’s eyes widen, flicking downwards like he can see through the floor to the living room if he tries hard enough.

“Jongin’s got a crush. How’d you miss that? He’s always primping before you two come over.”

“But Taemin isn't gay,” Jinki protests, frowning tightly, unhappiness settling into his features. God, if Jongin has a crush on Taemin and it goes badly, Taemin could lose the only friend he has. He doesn’t want to see that happen, not when this is the happiest he’s seen Taemin in a long time.

“Yeah, I know,” Jonghyun says, and something in his voice is chilly enough that it feels like the air in the room literally plummets a few degrees. It pulls Jinki’s eyes back to Jonghyun’s face. The other boy looks pissy, shoulders suddenly set in a way that makes him stop looking as small and soft as he always does. “Your little cousin is as straight as they come. No shame to your family or anything.”

“Woah, what?” Jinki stiffens as well, mentally reeling. Jonghyun sounds so hateful, and it kind of stings to hear that angled at him, but worse is the words he’s using, like he thinks Jinki might genuinely feel that way. “I never said—“

“You didn’t have to. I get it,” Jonghyun says bitterly. He looks away from Jinki towards the window, head turned far enough that Jinki can’t see his expression, and it’s too bright outside for Jinki to be able to get a glimpse of Jonghyun’s reflection in the glass. “It’s written all over your face.”

“Then you’re not very good at reading,” Jinki says, and his voice is tight and controlled. He doesn’t want to yell at Jonghyun, partially because that feels mean, but also because he doesn’t want to get in trouble for being up here and upsetting him. “I don’t give a damn if Taemin is gay or not, and neither does my aunt. But Taemin has always said he’s straight, and that’s for him to figure out, not for anyone else to try and push on him.”

Jonghyun doesn’t look at him for a long time, but when he does, he’s wearing a look that Jinki is more than familiar with. It’s pretty similar to Taemin’s confused face actually, like he’s trying to buffer and process what Jinki just said, and it goes on for just a few seconds too long, making Jinki feel like squirming.

Jinki doesn’t know why, in his urge to break the silence, he admits, “I’m gay.”

“Oh,” Jonghyun says after a second, and then his face contorts into something else entirely, staring at Jinki like he’s never seen him before. “Oh.”

“Yeah, oh,” Jinki says, shaking his head a little. After a moment he pauses and then says in a voice as firm as he can make it, “Do you have a problem with that?”

“No!” Jonghyun blurts out, shaking his head, “No, of course not. I just thought…”

“Yeah, I know. I get that a lot. I’m just not fashionable enough for a gay man,” Jinki jokes in a tone that makes it very clear exactly how much he hates that stereotype.

Jonghyun snorts a little. “I don’t think fashion is much of a deciding factor here. I used to know the most fashionable guy ever, and he was straight as a ruler. And Jongin’s got the fashion sense of a blind frat boy.”

“He’s in high school,” Jinki points out, smiling a little. “He’ll get past it. I hope.”

Jonghyun laughs, and like that it’s a little easier again. They don’t talk about Jinki’s confession, and they don’t really go back to discussing sexualities either. Not that day at least.

Before he leaves though, responding to Jonghyun’s yawn and proclamation of exhaustion, Jinki adds, “Hey, are we, uhm… good?”

It feels like such a lame thing to say, but Jonghyun nods, smiling gently. “Yeah. We’re fine.”

Jinki feels a little warm at the smile he’s apparently earned, and there’s a smile of his own on his face as he closes the door behind him and wanders back down the hallway, humming just loud enough that he misses the shuffling around behind one of the closed doors.

The next week is weird. Jongin and Taemin have a dance competition coming up hard and fast, and while they can’t make it out to the studio as often as they’d like, there’s space enough at their house for Jinki and Taemin to push all of the living room furniture out of the way and make space for Taemin and Jongin to practice. It’s fun to watch them for a while, but after about an hour of watching Taemin and Jongin repeat the same verse over and over with only the tiniest of alterations, Jinki’s getting a pounding headache.

His room’s not enough of an escape, and he can hear the base beat thudding through their walls no matter what he does. It’s driving him clearly mad, enough that when he crosses through the living room to the kitchen to get water and some ibuprofen, Jongin’s mouth pulls. The boy follows him into the kitchen, leaving Taemin for a second, and hesitates in the doorway.

“Uhm, hyung,” he says, looking sheepish (or as sheepish as he can look when he’s red-faced and dripping sweat, tank top soaked through and clinging in a way that is highly unnecessary on a kid his age), “I called my mom, and she says you’re welcome to hang out at our house. I mean, my brother’s there, but he’s still sleeping a lot, so it should be pretty quiet.”

“Ah, I wouldn’t want to bother him,” Jinki says to be polite, though realistically, he’s kind of excited at the prospect. Peace, quiet, and maybe getting to spend time with Jonghyun. It’s not a bad deal.

“Well, I mean, he doesn’t leave his room a lot, so I doubt he’d even know you were there. And if he does, you can just say who you are,” Jongin points out, and Jinki realizes belatedly that Jongin hasn’t noticed him disappearing for hours to hang out with Jonghyun either. He wonders if Jonghyun’s ever even mentioned their friendship. The thought is oddly unsettling.

“That’s…” Jinki starts, and then hears Taemin curse and the track repeat. He flinches openly. “That’s probably a good idea. Thank you, Jongin, and thank your mother for me if I don’t get the chance myself.”

“Yeah, course, hyung!” Jongin says, smiling brilliantly and practically wagging his metaphorical tail as he digs his house key out of the pocket of his sweats and hands it over. He and Jonghyun both look like puppies sometimes, honestly.

“Jonginnie, come on! We’ve got to get through this bullshit transition,” Taemin calls from the other room, and Jongin turns his head in surprise and then smiles at Jinki a little softer before returning to his friend.

“Language,” Jinki teases as he slips back through the room and heads upstairs to go get his laptop, in better spirits now that he has an escape.

“Get out, hyung!” Taemin laughs, and Jinki does so, taking his time on the walk to Jongin’s house. The summer air is sticky, a little stifling, but Jinki doesn’t mind. It only makes the constant iciness of Jongin’s house feel better as it chills the sweat beading on the back of Jinki’s neck, cooling him quickly enough that he shivers a little.

It’s slightly strange being in Jongin’s house when there’s no one home. Well, no one but his brother. But it’s always quiet upstairs, in what feels like Jonghyun’s territory, and now the entire house feels like that. It’s oddly silent without Jongin verbally working his way through math problems or Taemin and Jongin arguing over video games. It’s nice though, and Jinki relishes it for a moment as he goes to get himself a glass of water, comfortable enough here that it doesn’t make him feel awkward.

He gulps it down, sets it in the sink, and takes a moment to look out the kitchen window to the slightly overgrown side yard. It’s strange, how it reminds him a little of the way their yard always looked like when he was younger, after he had moved in with his aunt but before she trusted him to run the mower without running over his own feet. He should probably offer to mow the Kim’s yard one of these days.

He’s still lost in thought when he hears a soft noise from the second floor. It’s quiet enough that he’s fairly sure it’s just the sound of socked feet on the floor above him, but it makes him pause anyways. After a moment, he smiles. He takes the stairs as quietly as possible, just in case, but he’s pretty sure that means Jonghyun is awake, and when he slips into the room at the end of the hall, he’s a little disappointed not to see him.

He frowns for a moment, looking around one more time, just in case, and then turns on his heel to leave, only to nearly jump out of his skin when he sees Jonghyun standing behind him in the hallway, where he certainly hadn’t been a moment before.

“Jesus—“ Jinki breaths, pressing a hand to his racing heart.

Jonghyun smiles. “I’m sorry,” he says, taking a step back to give Jinki some space. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“No. God, no, you’re fine,” Jinki laughs, raking his fingers through his hair. “I should have given you some warning. I didn't want to be too loud coming in though, in case you were sleeping.”

“It's alright,” Jonghyun says, smiling. “I'm not sleeping. I wasn't expecting you here is all. I thought it would be-- well, someone else.”

Jinki lifts an eyebrow, the corner of his mouth quirking playfully. “Do you not want me here?”

“I like having you here. It's nice to have someone who actually interacts with me,” Jonghyun says. There's something sad in his face, but he smiles anyways. “I just don't see you much without your cousin in tow. And Jongin, of course.”

“Yeah, they're practicing over at my aunt's place. It's a tiny bit deafening,” Jinki says with a laugh. “They're good, but there's only so many times--”

“Ah,” Jonghyun says, nodding. “It's worse when you can't get away from it. They try not to practice here much, but Jongin plays the same songs over and over and, well...”

Jinki laughs. “He's in high school,” he points out, meaning it as a playful comment on his tastes, but it calls to mind the conversation from the previous week, and that makes him pause.

Jonghyun is obviously thinking the same thing, because he tips his head at Jinki and says, “So, when you said you were gay...”

“I generally meant that I'm attracted to guys,” Jinki says. “The traditional definition.”

Jonghyun laughs weakly. “No,” he says, “I meant... does that work out for you?”

Jinki smiles softly, a little sadly. “It's alright. It doesn't affect too much. I've always been a bit more interested in school and grades than relationships,” he says. He tries not to think too much about how few friends he has at school because of that.

But Jonghyun seems to see right through him. “It's rough, isn't it?” he asks, reaching out for Jinki. He seems to hesitate before touching him, and Jinki realizes abruptly that this is the first time Jonghyun ever has. His fingers are ice-cold and a little clammy, and he pulls them back quickly when Jinki shivers involuntarily. “Sorry.”

“You're fine,” Jinki says. “I know that you're sick. It's okay.”

Jonghyun pauses. “Yeah,” he agrees after a moment. “Sick. Right.”

That seems like a strange response, and Jinki's brow furrows. “Are you--”

Jonghyun only shakes his head. “I should go soon. I'm getting tired.”

“Alright,” Jinki agrees. He's not going to stop him. He needs his rest. “Well, I'll be downstairs if you want to talk.”

Jonghyun nods slowly, moving to one side. Jinki steps out past him into the hallway, letting Jonghyun move past him into the bedroom. After a quiet moment, Jinki moves down the hall towards the stairs.

“Jinki?” Jonghyun says, and Jinki turns towards him in surprise. Jonghyun is standing there, in the doorway, watching him. “I... I'm gay too.”

“Oh,” Jinki says, not sure what else to say. He's not sure if he's surprised or not. “That's--”

“I'm gonna go,” Jonghyun says, before Jinki can get out anything else. He steps back, disappearing out of sight, and the door closes. Jinki stands there for a moment longer before heading downstairs, leaving Jonghyun to his sleep.

-- Jinki and Jonghyun interact a few more times, becoming friends, and Jonghyun starts hanging out for longer and longer amounts of time.

-- Jonghyun admits, one day, to never having kissed a boy. Jinki kisses him --

Jonghyun’s mouth is soft, and his hands shake as he makes a quiet noise of disbelief and wraps his fingers loosely into the front of Jinki’s shirt. It’s not a long kiss, and Jinki pulls away after a moment, swallowing tightly. He hopes that that was okay. He hopes that he didn’t just shatter their friendship, because it startles him to realize that he considers Jonghyun his best friend and to think that he might have ruined that is terrifying.

“Was that…” he starts, slowly, and he can hear the concern in his own voice, wavering and unsure.

Jonghyun makes a tiny, sweet little noise and crumples into him all at once, shoulders heaving. Jinki startles, catching him, and for a moment Jonghyun feels almost insubstantial in his arms, like if Jinki squeezes too tight he’ll just melt away. But then Jonghyun makes another of those noises, a little wetter this time, and Jinki sucks in a breath and tightens his grip because Jonghyun is crying.

“Jonghyun,” Jinki says, a little helpless. He’s always been bad at this sort of thing. “I don’t-- I’m sorry if that wasn’t…”

Jonghyun shakes his head weakly, the action rubbing his face against Jinki’s shirt. “No, no, please don’t-- don’t apologize. I… g-god, I just… I never thought… I’ve never been kissed before, and I d-don’t…”

He’s stuttering, stumbling over his words a little, and Jinki should know better, should think more about it, but he doesn’t. He just unravels his arms so that he can catch Jonghyun’s face instead and pulls him up, kisses him again despite the tears on Jonghyun’s face and the way Jonghyun gasps into his mouth.

Jonghyun’s fingers spasm in his shirt, and then he’s tugging weakly, like he’s trying to pull Jinki closer. When Jinki breaks apart from him, Jonghyun whines, tugging pitifully, but Jinki just grins, leaning their foreheads together and breathing slowly, evenly.

Jonghyun curls into him slowly and clings for a long while, the two of them sitting in peaceful quiet before Jonghyun whispers, “This feels so real.”

Jinki laughs a little, confused by the murmur. “Of course it’s real. Jonghyunnie…”

“I know,” Jonghyun whispers but it sounds almost doubtful, almost near tears again. “I just… I want it to be real, and I know it can’t be. I know it can’t… can’t work out or last…”

Jinki bites back his cringe. He doesn’t like to think too hard about it, about the way Jongin always says ‘my brother is sick’ with the kind of tone where ‘sick’ means ‘dying’. He doesn’t like the think about the way the hope rings hollow in Mrs. Kim’s voice when she mentions going to the city or a new treatment. He doesn’t like to think about it, and now he has to, because Jonghyun is looking at him uncertainly, pulling away, and Jinki feels something ice-cold and desperate.

“Why can’t it?” he says, and then realizes how stupid that was. “I know… I know things aren’t perfect, or… or, I don’t know. I don’t want to mess this up. I like being with you. I like being your friend. And I’d be happy with that, I would. But I also… I like kissing you and holding you and…”

Jonghyun makes a soft, strange laugh, a little tense, a little strained. “I do too,” he says finally, biting his lip. “I want-- I want to be with you. However you-- I just don’t want to break your heart.”

That seems a little much, but at the same time, Jinki has a feeling like it’s too late for that. Romantic or platonic, Jonghyun is so important to him now, and one day he’s going to lose him.

He doesn’t say that though. He just kisses Jonghyun again, hands shaking as he moves to hold Jonghyun’s waist, thin and fragile under his bulky sweater.

“Okay,” Jonghyun says finally, and Jinki doesn’t know what that means, but Jonghyun is swaying a little, tired a little, and they rest there a moment longer before Jonghyun says, “Isn’t it time for you to take Jongin and Taemin to dance?”

“Fuck,” Jinki says, jerking suddenly. He lets go of Jonghyun, fumbling for his phone to check the time and then hisses, “Fuck. Thank you, Jonghyun. I gotta-- we can… later, yeah?”

Jonghyun smiles, hesitant and not entirely a happy expression. “Don’t worry about me. I’ll be here.”

“Jong…” Jinki starts and leans in to kiss him again.

Jonghyun stops him, hands bracing on his chest. “You’re going to be late,” he says, and then presses up for a tiny kiss, brief and chaste and something that makes Jinki’s heart swoop anyways. “Go.”

Jinki catches Jonghyun’s hand and squeezes before he goes, patting down his pockets to make sure he has his keys and taking the stairs two at a time.

-- Taemin and Jongin’s team wins their dance competition and are moving on to the next thing, so they start spending more time practicing and Jinki starts basically hiding out at Jongin’s house and just spending a lot more time with Jonghyun. They talk a little more, and Jonghyun never really gives a solid answer on what they are, he just kisses Jinki instead.

-- Jinki hanging out with Jonghyun, and Jonghyun sitting up suddenly and mumbling something about, “I have to go,” and rushing upstairs and Jinki worries about him and tries to follow him up, but Jongin’s mom gets home then and Jinki says hi and they talk for a moment before she starts to go up and Jinki says something about “I don’t know if he’s feeling well. He kind of…” and her face crumples a little and she forces a smile and says she’ll check on him and Jinki nods and kind of reluctantly leaves her to it and goes so it’s not weird.

-- Jongin is gone that weekend cuz his family goes into the city. Jinki and Tae scene where Taemin says something about how hard it is on Jongin and then backtracks and is like ‘I’m not saying Jongin’s got it worse, but… he just… it’s hard for him. His family being like this. I just don’t know what to do for him.’ and Jinki kind of frowns and says, “I doubt it’s easy on any of them, but… all we can do is be there. However we’re needed.” And Tae nods and the conversation kind of falls to other stuff.

-- Jinki and Tae are at Jongin’s house and Jinki’s trying to help Jongin study since Jongin’s been putting it off for dance. Jinki’s aunt calls and tells them that she has to work late and won’t be home until at least 10 or 11, and Jinki is talking to her when Jongin’s mom gets home and Jongin suggests Jinki and Tae stay for dinner. She agrees and Jinki tells his aunt and they make plans and settle in and Jonghyun doesn’t come down for dinner, but another boy -- maybe a year or so older than Taemin -- comes down and grabs some food and goes back upstairs and Jinki assumes maybe it’s someone with Jonghyun and gets jealous, but he doesn’t get a chance until he and Taemin are heading home and then he asks.

“Who was that guy who came down?” he asks, and they’re passing just under a streetlight now, so Jinki gets to watch as Taemin’s face pinches in confusion. Jinki doesn’t know what he said wrong -- it felt like a perfectly legitimate question.

“That’s Jongdae,” he says, and the tone of his voice makes it clear that Jinki should know who that is. After a moment, he says, “You know? Jongdae? Jongin’s brother? Have you not met him yet?”

Jinki is suddenly very aware of his own heartbeat in his ears. Jongdae. Jongin’s brother, Jongdae.

“Then… does he have another--?” But he can’t even finish that question. It’s too ridiculous. How could he have known Jongin for a month and a half and this still be catching him this off guard. Jongin’s older brother. He frowns. “What about Jonghyun?”

“Who?” Taemin asks, and his face is shadowed now. They’ve stopped between streetlights, Jinki frozen on the sidewalk. “Hyung, are you okay?”

Jinki shakes his head.

-- Jinki avoiding the house for a few days until Jongin has to beg him for help with a problem set and Jinki goes over and the entire house feels uncomfortable now, and Jinki asks how ‘Jongin’s brother’ is and Jongin kind of shrugs and mumbles something about “He’s sleeping a lot more recently. The doctors can’t figure it out. He just says he’s tired all the time.”

Jinki goes upstairs when they’re done and runs into Jonghyun and Jonghyun is staring at him and finally says, “I’ve missed you,” and Jinki doesn’t know what to say except, “Who are you?”

And Jonghyun’s face crumples and he gets angry and asks Jinki why it matters, why he has to care when he hasn’t cared this whole time?

And Jinki asks him again because he thought Jonghyun was Jongin’s brother, he thought he knew, and now he doesn’t and he’s scared.

And Jonghyun sighs really loudly and kind of shamefacedly tells his story. He was this kid who used to live in this house a long time ago and he committed suicide b/c he was gay and being bullied, and Jonghyun -- "It's funny how you never realize how much you want to be alive until you aren't anymore."

Jinki finds out that Jonghyun's the one who's been making Jongdae worse and he doesn't mean to, but it takes energy to stick around and Jongdae is the easiest target. And so Jonghyun takes energy from him and just basically leaves Jongdae passed out half the time and Jonghyun's like, "he's dying anyways! What's worse, for me to make it easy on him and give a second chance to someone who wants it, or for him to be in pain every hour of every day?!" and Jinki's literally so aware that Jonghyun can't do this, but at the same time, Jonghyun just wants to be alive, or as alive as he can be.

And Jinki had to choose between his feelings for Jonghyun and the knowledge that Jonghyun can’t do this because he’s hurting people. And Jinki tries to talk to him but Jonghyun starts getting angrier and angrier and lights start flickering, and Jinki stumbles backwards just as something flies across the room and it shatters against the wall and cuts him.

And he looks down and sees the blood on his fingertips and looks back at Jonghyn who’s looking at him in horror and just “I… I didn’t mean to do that. I didn’t. Jinki, I promise, I didn’t mean-- I don’t know how I did it. I’ve-- I’ve never…”

Jinki drops his hand and just looks at Jonghyun for a long time. “Why are you here, Jonghyun? Why are you staying here?”

And Jonghyun whispers that he’s scared. And Jinki steps in and hugs him and kisses him really softly, and when he steps away Jonghyun’s just looking at him and his hands are shaking and he repeats, “I’m scared.”

And Jinki whispers that he knows, but that Jonghyun, the Jonghyun he knows wouldn’t want to hurt someone. Wouldn’t want someone to hurt because of him.

And Jonghyun kind of laughs bitterly and says, “How would you know? It’s what I’ve been doing all this time.”

But Jinki just shakes his head and says, “Jonghyun, please.”

When Jonghyun pulls away, he’s looking at Jinki’s injury and his eyes are sad and scared and he takes Jinki’s hand and murmurs, “I’m sorry. I wish… I wish that things had been different. I really wanted to love you.”

Jinki just stares at him, something ragged and tight in his chest. “I do love you, Jonghyun.”

Jonghyun just wells up and presses his face into Jinki’s shoulder, and whispers, “I told you I didn’t want to break your heart.”

But Jinki just shakes his head and closes his eyes, pressing a kiss into Jonghyun’s hair. He stays like that for a long time, and he doesn’t open his eyes until the weight of a body in his arms is gone.

-- Jinki helps Jongin finish his math stuff. He meets Jongdae, who’s feeling a little better now, not as tired all the time. The new treatment is working, they tell them. Jongin and Taemin win their dance competition. They celebrate at Jongin’s house and Jongdae joins them for lunch and talks to Jinki for a bit. He’s a nice kid, and when he gets amused, he smiles like a cat and laughs freely. They could maybe, probably be friends.

Sometimes, at Jongin’s house, Jinki catches sight of something out of the corner of his eyes. Sometimes, at Jongin’s house, he feels a sudden chill of cold air. Sometimes, at Jongin’s house, he finds himself crying for no real reason except the obvious, and he can almost imagine someone holding him.

Sometimes, he’s not sure if Jonghyun is gone or not, but when he can, when he finds himself wondering too hard, sometimes he whispers ‘I love you’ to the maybe-empty house, just in case.

#shinee fic #shinee fanfiction #WIP #unfinished #Jongyu #honestly thank you all #my writing #if anyone know where this title came from please hit me up bc my Fave book

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zenyattasperceptrons · 8 years ago

Text

(previous chapter) (whole series)

The house was actually starting to feel like a home.

Well, as much of a home as he'd ever had. He wasn’t attached to it, just...it didn’t feel like sleeping in a stranger’s room anymore. They’d painted his bedroom (three red walls, one a dusty brown) and Gabriel didn’t mind his stuff being strewn everywhere, as long as nothing was going to mildew. He felt comfortable rustling around the fridge for food and sometimes even sitting in the living room to watch TV instead of hiding out in his room all day.

Yeah. He could handle it when it was just him and Gabriel.

But then the guy had the nerve to invite guests over.

He came home around 6, and Jesse was about to go out and say hello when he heard a voice he didn’t recognize and froze in his tracks.

Gabriel found him like that, awkwardly standing in the middle of his room.

“Hey,” he said, pushing the door open just enough to peer in. “Ana and her daughter are staying for dinner. Do you want to come out and meet them?”

Ana. Right, the coworker who’d kick Gabriel’s ass if she heard Jesse cursing. He’d keep that in mind--for better or worse. He didn’t know she had a kid, though.

“Okay,” he agreed, voice shaking involuntarily. He didn’t know why he felt so nervous. His thoughts weren’t this nervous.

He followed Gabriel to the living room, plucking absently at the soft fabric of the pajama pants he hadn’t bothered changing out of.

Ana was sitting on the couch, legs crossed and smiling in a knowing way that gave him goosebumps. The kid standing next to her and staring right at him, then, was her daughter.

“You must be Jess,” said Ana, leaning forward. He still wasn’t sure what he thought about that name, but it was better than the one on his ID. “I’ve heard a lot about you.”

“Oh,” he said. Ana laughed. He wasn’t entirely sure why. He looked over at the girl, and Ana followed his gaze.

“This is Fareeha,” she said, gesturing at her. “Say hello.”

“Hi!” Fareeha said, grinning widely.

Jesse blinked. “Hi,” he responded. “It’s, uh...nice to meet you.”

“You, too. Do you play basketball?”

He blinked again. Ana stood up and walked to the kitchen, apparently going to discuss something with Gabriel, their voices murmuring in the corner of his perception. “No,” he answered, finally. “Don’t play sports.”

“Aww,” Fareeha whined, wrinkling her nose. “That’s boring. You’re so tall, too.”

“Not really.” He was taller than her, but maybe by a foot. She was obviously still going to grow. He wasn’t sure he would anymore.

She huffed and crossed her arms, looking over at her mom. Ana was talking about something, voice low, the sounds echoing off the kitchen tiles just enough to jumble them in Jesse’s ears. She put a hand on Gabriel’s arm and smiled. Jesse wondered if she was married.

Fareeha tugged on one of his braids, and he frowned at the sudden intrusion.

“I wish my hair was this long,” she said, sighing. Jesse’s frown turned into a grimace. He’d thought about cutting his hair off a lot recently. He might do that soon. Gabriel probably had scissors in his room somewhere.

“Grow it out,” he said, testily. Her hair was styled in a shoulder-length bob, obviously styled short in some way. Why was she touching him? He leaned backwards a little, and she stuck her tongue out at him, but at least she let go.

“Duh!” she went, loud enough to attract the attention of Ana and Gabe. “I’m trying, I’ve only been a girl for a year.”

He blinked. He blinked again, and felt the blood drain from his face. What?

“What?” he said, voice pitching higher in his shock. “What...what do you mean?”

The adults had fallen completely silent. It kind of felt like the whole world had gone silent, his heart pounding in his ears.

Fareeha crossed her arms and stood up straighter, raising her chin proudly. “Mom thought I was a boy!” she said, defiantly. “But I told her I wasn’t, so now she’s letting me grow my hair.”

Jesse stared at her. Fareeha stared back, her expression deepening into a frown the longer his eyes stayed on her, face blank.

She just...told Ana that she was a girl? And that worked? People could just do that?

Could...could he?

“Alright, kids!” came Gabriel’s voice, and Jesse flinched, startled out of his reverie. “Who wants to help make dinner?”

“I will!” Fareeha volunteered, running off into the kitchen. Jesse watched her, and glanced at Gabriel, catching a look from him, some squinting expression that Jesse couldn’t read. Was he in trouble? Was he not supposed to ask her about...what he had asked her about?

“...Jess?” Gabriel followed up with, voice in that same controlled tone he used whenever Jesse’s brain wasn’t acting right. “Do you want to help with dinner?”

Jesse hung his head, and then shook it.

"Oh, come on Jess, spend some time with us,” Ana said, a smile on her face that felt like a trap. But Gabriel nudged her, and frowned, and she sighed before turning away, reaching an arm towards Fareeha and saying something too quiet for Jesse to hear except for the doting tone.

“It’ll be about an hour,” Gabriel said. Jesse nodded and slunk off to his bedroom.

He had a lot to think about.

He came out to eat dinner instead of taking it in his room, which he could tell Gabriel was happy about. That kind of made him happy too. He usually didn’t like doing what people wanted, but...it was different here. He could have stayed in his room. He didn’t do the thing that Gabriel wanted because he had to. He just. Could. And it felt really nice to have someone smile just because he walked into a room.

He didn’t say anything all dinner, just ate quietly and nodded his head a few times or shrugged his shoulders to answer Ana’s questions. Was he going back to school soon? Was he excited? Has he made any friends in the neighborhood yet?

She seemed more like a parent than Gabriel did. Too many questions about things he didn’t care about. Too many smiles about things that weren’t funny unless he was the one she was laughing at.

He was happy when they left soon after dinner. He wanted to talk to Fareeha more, but...he didn’t know what to say. She was young, and there were too many adults around. He didn’t want to talk to them. Not yet.

He laid his head down on the counter while Gabriel did the dishes, listening to the running water and clank of pans and plates. He hadn’t asked him to help. Like maybe he knew the answer would be no.

“What did you think of Fareeha?”

Jesse lifted his head up, squinting at the sudden light. “She’s...happy,” he started. And then, out of words, never finished, instead just shrugging a shoulder.

“She is,” Gabriel agreed, smiling. “She wasn’t always, but she’s gotten better recently.”

He nodded, wondering why, exactly, that might have been. “Did, did you, uh...” He frowned at his unexpected stammer, but at the very least got Gabriel’s attention. “Did you,” he tried again, “know her before she...before she was a girl?”

“I did,” was the answer. As if it was a completely normal question. Jesse fidgeted in his seat.

“Was it weird?”

“What--when she told us we were wrong?”

“Yeah.”

He shrugged, unbothered. “I didn’t think so.”

“Oh.”

He listened to the running water for a moment longer before Gabriel chose to expand upon his answer, rinsing off the last plate.

“I can’t speak for anyone else, but mostly I felt relieved. This was a big thing for her. Is a big thing. And to know that she felt supported enough to be herself around us...it’s comforting. She’s so much more confident now.”

Gabriel glanced at him, and Jesse looked at the counter.

“Y’know, Jess...I try my best to anticipate what you need, but I know I’ll miss things, or just be plain wrong sometimes. So if you ever need something from me, I hope you know you can always ask. I want you to feel supported, too. That’s what I’m here for.”

The counter blurred, and he wrinkled his nose. “Mph,” he went, sliding off the stool onto his feet. “’M going to bed.” He went to his room without waiting for a response.

“Sweet dreams,” Gabriel bade him.

He shut his door.

He felt...weird. Anxious, but that didn’t usually make him want to cry.

He sniffed, and rubbed his eyes. His head felt full of static. He felt kind of sick. He felt kind of like laughing.

He didn’t know how to deal with this. He went to bed.

(next)

#jesse is a good son #my shit

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melyaliz · 8 years ago

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Loved ones pt. 1

Summary: Collin struggling to be a Dad and Britney is struggling to NOT fall in love with his small family.

Follow up to this amazing story

Pairing: Collin x Britney

Notes: Co-written by @royslittleharper which is why I love it so much. I also split it up into two parts because it was getting long so I figured why not.

Tagging: @guns-n-lilies @the-shadow-of-atlantis @coffee-randomness @daisyboobear @werewitchling @nightwing-rules

"So I know you are working hard at medical school but don't forget your loved ones along the way" Jen's voice run out over the phone as Britney sat on her bed eating a salad with books and notes spread around her.

"Mom I call you almost every day."

"Which I love, but I'm not talking about me... have you checked in on Sofie in a while?"

"We had coffee on Tuesday"

"And Collin?"

Her mother's question was greeted by silence. "He has a baby mom, he doesn't want to hang out with me, also he's not what I would call a loved one"

"Well regardless you are still he had a huge life change recently. Maybe it wouldn't hurt to see a friendly face"

"I’m not sure I’m a friendly face.” Britney mumbled tossing away the rest of her food suddenly not hungry “Plus, school is..." her voice trailed as she could feel the millions of excuses pouring out. To be honest she didn't want to go because she was scared. Scared of the feelings that she had experienced when she and the Harper parents had gone to rescue their son. Scared of the feelings she had felt when she saw him brainwashed and lifeless. Scared of the feelings she had felt after watching him dote over his new child. Scared of how attached she had been to that baby. Scared of... well just feelings.

Britney didn’t like being scared.

But her mom was right, as always, she should at least go see how the doofus was doing.

She snuck in after she evening class. She didn't have a key, although he had offered to give her one when he has moved in. It had ended in an argument where Britney had ended up asking him why she would ever be coming over anyway? Well apparently she had been wrong, she did have a reason. So in basic Batfam style, she took the window.

The place was a mess. Not that Collin was the cleanest but he wasn't this bad. Clothes, empty pizza boxes, and formula cartons littered the floor.

She heard crying from the bedroom and followed the noise.

She found a shirtless Collin bouncing Hank up and down while leaning against the wall barely able to keep his eyes open. Dark circles under his glazed eyes as he tried to stop the small boy from crying.

“When I didn't want her around she was there but now I want her for his sake. He won’t stop crying for her.” Britney blinked taking a moment to register who she was.

Renee.

Collin thought that Hank was crying for his mother.

“Ok you're delirious,” she said taking the child from his arms. Hank let out another scream squirming as if he was uncomfortable. Collin reached out trying to take his son back but Britney stopped him by grabbing his arm dragging him to his bed pushing him onto it.

“Sleep” she ordered as she gently bounced the squirming child.

“I… I wish he was yours” Collin mumbled so quietly she almost missed it. Almost. Glancing at the red haired boy who was already asleep she couldn’t help but feel something in her stomach drop.

“Just… just go to sleep you dork” she whispered walking out with Hank gently patting him on the back trying to sooth the angry baby.

“Now as for you,” she said holding Hank out as large tears fell from the boy's blue eyes. “Why are you in such distress?”

The first thing Collin thought when he woke was what an odd dream he had. Then he realized it was almost 10 in the morning. Then he realized he didn’t hear Hank.

Bolting upright he tripped on his sheets as he dashed toward the door bursting into the kitchen living room area only to find Britney talking to Sofie. His sister let out a giggle before teleporting away without a word leaving Britney alone.

Collin stared in disbelief at the scene in front of him, was he still dreaming?

Britney couldn’t help but chuckle at the bewilderment of the boy in front of her. His red hair was sticking out from all ends as he blinked owlishly at her. Obviously still waking up from a deep sleep. Something he had desperately needed.

"Ohhh look Daddy's awake" she cooed making Hank’s hand wave at his father as he sat peacefully sucking on a pacifier snuggled in Britney's arms. "We've been studying irregular heart beats in infants while you slept.” She added and Collin noticed her books sprawled across the kitchen table with a pile of notes.

"You.. you did come last night" he mumbled bits and pieces from last night mixed with dreams flooding back. He wasn’t sure what had been real and what had been his imagination.

She chuckled handing him a brown paper bag. "Yep and you were basically a zombie... also sorry no doughnuts" she added as he looked in the bag "Daddy needs a healthy breakfast so I got you a whole wheat bagel with egg and avocado," Collin wrinkled his nose at it but taking one look at Britney decided not to argue. After he had eaten enough to satisfy her she handed her son back to him.

"Ok class in a half an hour," she informed him, "mind if I use your shower?" she didn't give him time to respond as she started walking toward the bathroom, "also he may have been fussy because of the formula you were giving him. I was reading the contents and didn't like it so I had Sofie get him a better brand."

"Hey Brit..." she paused turning as he fumbled over his words, “My family has just been busy… Mom has this work thing and... It’s not like this… normally.”

"Your welcome."

“Where have you been?” Her roommate asked two weeks later, “You are barely in the dorm and most of your stuff is gone. Are you… seeing someone?” she leaned in whispering the last part as if it was so unbelievable.

“No! A friend of mine just had a kid so I have been helping out. You know, watching him while I study and stuff.”

Her roommate shook her head not really buying it, “I know you want to be a pediatrician or whatever but aren't you taking it a little far?”

Brittany shrugged, “The baby needs help and he… needs it more.”

Her roommate shrugged, “Well let me know if you decided to spend a night here because I may be having… guests over”

“You got it.”

“Hanks asleep,” Collin said as she walked in

“Oh okay,” Britney replied awkwardly as it dawned on her that for the first time in a long time it was just him and her. Why was this so awkward? They had spent many a night arguing alone growing up. They had been banned from stakeouts because of that very reason. Never in those 20 some years had she ever felt this... awkward.

Misinterpreting her reaction, Collins turned around to avoid her gaze and focused on scrubbing the dishes.

“How is it going?” She asked him carefully, sensing the tension.

“How do you think it's going?” He replied with a sigh and shook his head while beginning to ramble “Everything is falling apart, I haven't been to the team or on any patrol of any kind.”

Brittney couldn't believe what she was hearing and moved closer to him. “Collin...?”

“I can barely get through the day with Hank.” He continued, “You’re so great with him and I can barely do this, let alone run my team, or anything.”

She had seen him spiral before, many times in fact. Normally a few words or a simple touch would calm him down. However, this time he hardly even acknowledged she presence and he continued. Words flowing from him like vomit, ugly and made her sick to hear. His breathing was becoming more and more shallow.

She just wanted him to stop. Wanted him to see how great of a person he was, the person she had seen in these weeks. The father that loved his son more than anything.

Then she just did the one thing she could think of. The only thing she HAD been thinking about for the past few weeks.

She kissed him.

Grabbing the collar of his shirt she pulled him to her crashing her lips to his. It was slightly messy and awkward but to be fair she wasn’t really an expert when it came to romance, especially physical romance.

Surprised and letting out a confused sound, Collin looked at her with a confused look as if the crush of his life had been body snatched.

“Well for what it’s worth, I don’t think you're a horrible dad, ” Britney said pulling away from him her face blank as if the most amazing thing in Collin’s life hadn’t just happened. But he would see it, in the way she couldn’t quite meet his eyes, the way she was oh so temptingly biting her lip.

It had happened to her too.

Collin leaned forward his eyes half closed as he studied Britney “What about me as a person? Do you still think I’m horrible?” he asked. Britney could barely breathe and she felt like her heart was about to burst out of her chest.

“No” she whispered gently shaking her head before he kissed her back.

#Britney and Collin #collin x britney #britney #collin #Royslittleharper #my fic #my writing #loved one #britney bitch

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lunakinesis · 8 years ago

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Family Strife

I'm worried about my mom, she hasn't been herself lately. Usually she's such a sweet and happy woman, eager to help and please. She worships my father and he in turn dotes on her. I've always aspired to have a relationship like that. One of absolute love and reverence. Dad always says any man or woman would be lucky to have me and that they'd undoubtedly treat me like the goddess I was.

Like I said, that was the way my mom usually was. Recently things have been off. She hasn't been smiling as much as she used to, and when she does smile it doesn't light up the room as it should. It's thin, wavering... all her smiles look so forced and fake now. I've asked my dad about it, but all he's said so far is that he'll talk to her. I hope it's nothing too bad. We've had enough trouble in our lives.

Mom was crying this morning as she made breakfast. I didn't like it. Who wants to see their mom cry? I tried to hug her, tell her it was all right, asked what was wrong but she just... pushed me away. That hurt but I understood she was hurting so I'm not holding it against her. I had to tell dad though, he has more chance of fixing this than I do.

When I got home from school she hadn't made dinner, wasn't even in the process of making it. She was always so good at time keeping, which is why it was so odd to me. Dinner was always ready or near-ready by the time I made it home. You can see why I'm worried about something that's been like, well, clockwork since I can remember. My mom's like a machine. I didn't really know what to do and I was hungry, but didn't want to make anything in case she was just – oddly – running a little late. So I just grabbed some chips to eat up in my room until she called down for me.

She never did. She never even popped in to ask how my day had been. Mom always did that. She always liked to hear what I'd done, how I was feeling, how I'd done on whatever test I had. Her sudden disinterest made me feel terrible. Had I done something wrong, was she mad at me? I poked my head out of my room and called for her. "Mom?"

No answer. I knew she was home because I'd heard her in my parent's room earlier. I guessed she was maybe napping, she had been crying still when I left in the morning, so maybe she was sick. I didn't want to disturb her. I hoped she'd be feeling better soon.

When I heard dad's car pull into the drive, I left me room to go downstairs to greet him. As he came through the front door, he beamed at me. "Hello Princess. Where's your mom?"

I gave him a hug and pointed up the stairs. "She's been in your room since I got home from school. Is she sick? She hasn't made dinner."

My father is a kind, gentle man whom I have seldom seen get angry. But he looked it right now: his jaw clenched and his posture became rigid. Without another word to me he headed up the stairs towards the master bedroom. I knew better than to follow after him, a confrontation between my parents was not something I wanted to get in the middle of.

I sat in the living room with my ears covered. I could make out muffled yelling but none of the words. I had never seen my parents fight like this for a long time. It was always mom's fault when a fight started though. It was never dad or me, always her. Dad said she was just a confrontational sort of person.

Frantic footsteps came down the stairs and I stood up, moving towards the living room door. There was my mother; her eyes burning red and her face blotched and puffy from tears, she was shaking, fists balled at her sides. "I can't take this anymore!" I winced at her high-pitched screeching, her eyes were focused on the stairs as my father strolled down them casually, as if they weren't arguing right now.

"This is sick! You're both sick! I tried... I tried to play along but I can't fucking do it anymore! Please... Please just let me go! I won't tell anyone, I won't go to the police. Just... let me go home." It was at this point that my mother's legs gave out and she fell into a crumpled heap on the floor, sobbing into her hands. "Please... Please..." She muttered over and over again, whilst dad looked over at her with nothing but contempt in his eyes.

He nodded over at me and I knew what had to be done. With a nod back I stepped out into the hall and knelt before mom, my arms wrapping around her slender frame and softly shushed her. It didn't have to be this way. It didn't have to end so badly. She froze before she screamed and tried to push me away. "Get away from me! You're a fucking monster!" She bought her hand up to slap me...

Only for it to be caught by my father. He squeezed her wrist until he heard it snap, and then she let out yet another shriek, clutching at her limp hand as dad released her. Mom shuffled back over, colliding with the front door. There was nowhere for her to go as dad drew a pocket knife and slashed her throat.

At least she couldn't scream anymore, the only thing she could do was gargle as her crimson lifeblood flooded out into the hall. My father sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "I'm sorry, Princess, I thought this one would work out."

This is the second mom he's tried to find for me. Hopefully the next will work out. Third time's the charm.

#stories #scary stories #horror stories #horror #sixpenceee #my work

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maple-rose · 8 years ago

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Hoshido Fam Headcanons

Hinoka used to have long hair. She cut it off when she took up the Naginata. Sakura kept her hair short to be like her sister. Ryoma kept his hair long to be like his father (plus it's just the samurai look). Takumi kept his hair long and in a ponytail to be like Mikoto (plus the ponytail keeps hair out of his face, he has no idea how Ryoma manages without putting his hair up, maybe the mask helps)

Hoshido sibs’ mother, Ikona, was a kind, but her body was frail.

Ikona knew Sumeragi was in love with Mikoto. She'd be lying if she said she wasn't jealous at all. But after getting assurance from Sumeragi that he didn't love her any less, she gave blessing to Sumeragi taking Mikoto as his second wife. The two became friends.

(warning: long post is long)

Ikona was a Kinshi Knight; back when she was younger and healthier she was quite the warrior. She wielded the Fujin Yumi, and everyone admired her form and grace. Reina used to be her retainer.

Corrin was about 3 years old when they came to Hoshido. Takumi had recently been born. At that point, Ikona's health was already declining, and Takumi's birth took a lot out of her. Mikoto helped her a lot raising Takumi, who was a rather attention-needy baby.

Corrin would follow Hinoka and Ryoma like a little chick. Hinoka got really attached to them, and would sometimes use them as a dress-up doll. Ryoma liked to show little Corrin all the cool places around the castle.

Ikona died from complications due to childbirth after giving birth to Sakura. On her deathbed, she asked Mikoto to please take care of her children for her.

On her deathbed, Ikona asked Ryoma and Hinoka to please take care of their younger siblings as well as Mikoto and her child. Hinoka was too busy crying her eyes out and begging her not to leave them to really listen to her. But Ryoma wiped away his tears and solemnly nodded.

Shortly after Ikona's death and before The Kidnapping, Sumeragi told Ryoma (who was around 13 at the time) about Corrin not being his child. Then he told Ryoma to "please take care of our family when I'm not there", especially Mikoto and Corrin, who might receive opposition from outsiders. Ryoma replied "What do you mean Father, you'll always be around" because he couldn't imagine his dad not being there. Sumeragi just smiled and patted Ryoma's head.

Ryoma was there when Sumeragi was killed and Corrin was taken away. But he was too frozen in fear to do anything. By the time he thought to take action, it was too late. Sumeragi's retainers and Hoshidan soldiers whisked him away to protect him from harm while he screamed at them to take him back to the battlefield. From then on he developed a sort of complex, blaming himself for not being able to do anything back then, which led to an obsession with getting Corrin back (he couldn't bring his Father back to life), because then he could forgive himself.

Everyone dealt with the aftermath differently.

Ryoma became quiet, he idolized his father, so Sumeragi’s death hurt him the most; also he couldn't forgive himself for being useless, so he vent his frustration by training. He promised his father and mother (Ikona) he'll take care of his family, so he had to get stronger in order to do so.

Hinoka wouldn’t stop crying. She loved her father dearly, and she was mad the Nohrian’s took her sibling away, and mad at herself for being powerless

Mikoto was mourning the death of her husband and loss of her child. But she couldn’t show it in front of anyone. Instead, she had to be strong for the remaining children she promised Ikona she’d protect.

The government needed someone to take charge since they lost their King. Mikoto had to step up to that role because Ryoma was too young. There was dissent among the court and public about her becoming the next queen, but she had to do her best to bear with it.

Ryoma saw this. Realizing she was also suffering, and remembering his promise to Ikona, he went to Mikoto’s defense, and tried really hard to get the people to accept her.

Ryoma would often get hot-headed over this

Mikoto was grateful for Ryoma’s help. And seeing Ryoma’s struggle with getting his emotion under control, she asked Kagero to teach Ryoma how to meditate

As Hinoka got older, she saw that Ryoma and Mikoto were trying to hold the family together. Knowing her gentle nature, Ryoma protected her from everything and she was starting to see the toll it was taking on him.

So one day, she decided to cut her hair, and told herself in the mirror that she would stop crying and start taking action. She decided to become a pegasus knight so she could fly to Corrin.

After Hinoka took up the Naginata, she was quite reckless. Mikoto was quite worried about her, but she still hasn’t accepted Mikoto as her mother, so she was quite obstinate and would argue with her saying things like “you’re not even my mom”

One day Hinoka heard soft sobbings from Mikoto’s room; the door was ajar, so she peeked inside and saw Mikoto crying over a picture of Corrin. Hinoka felt really bad and came to realize that Mikoto was suffering just as much as she was over the loss of Corrin. From then on she tried to be more sensitive and considerate of Mikoto’s feelings

Hinoka was the only sibling that Ryoma felt he could really open up to. He felt like he had to act as a role model for the younger ones, so he tries to never depend on them.

At the same time, Ryoma was the only one who knew Hinoka back when she was a crybaby. While everyone else admires her for her battle prowess and fiery nature, Ryoma still remembers when she would cry over the smallest things

Sometimes he teases her about it, and she would get all embarrassed or angry. But it’s not like she doesn’t have ammo of her own. Before Sumeragi died, Ryoma was pretty reckless and hotheaded and got into all sorts of trouble, and Hinoka has stories from those days

Reckless Hinoka caused Ryoma a lot of grief. He often ended up having to rescue her, or reassure Mikoto when she got worried. He would get mad at Hinoka and give her long lectures. Throughout the whole thing, Hinoka would keep quiet. She’s the only one who’s seen Ryoma actually angry, and is rather afraid of him.

They saw how each other changed and grew from the events of losing their parents, and share a special bond (which is why I think Conquest!Ryoma was most affected by the news of Hinoka’s “death”)

Takumi grew into quite the momma’s boy. He was pretty clingy when he was younger, but would never admit it when he got older.

Takumi was too young when his father died so he doesn’t have many memories of him. His older sibs and Mikoto would tell him stories of Sumeragi

When he was younger, Takumi wanted to be a swordsman just like his father and big brother. But after trying out the sword and watching Ryoma practice, he saw the huge gap in skill (even though he just started and Ryoma had been practicing for years) and decided to stop pursuing the sword. Mikoto suggested trying out the bow, and offered to teach him. He seemed to have a natural talent for it, and liked getting praised. He also liked the time spent with Mikoto

Ryoma tried his best to be a father figure to him, making time to spend with Takumi. But Ryoma was also a genius and a natural and seemingly good at everything he does, which Takumi can’t match. But unlike Leo, who tries his best to beat Xander, Takumi’s inferiority complex made him quickly give up at trying to beat Ryoma. Instead, he puts Ryoma on a pedestal, thinking that “my brother is amazing, nobody can be like him, so I don’t feel bad that I can’t be like him either”. He treasures his time with Ryoma as well, and likes the fact that he is Ryoma’s only little brother (that is, until (male) Corrin decides to come home)

Takumi respects Hinoka, but not quite the same degree as he has for Ryoma. Often he doesn’t understand her drive for this “Corrin” sibling he’s never met, and they get into arguments a lot. But then she often gets worried about him when he stomps off in anger and makes sure to make up with him (often with a peace offering of food)

Sakura also sort of has an inferiority complex as well, being the youngest and really shy. But instead of giving up like Takumi, she thinks she always needs to do better

She respects Hinoka and admires her drive and fighting prowess. Ryoma would tell her stories about crybaby Hinoka (and if Hinoka overheard, she would always bat at Ryoma to stop (with no avail)), but Sakura doesn’t really believe him.

She respects Ryoma a lot, seeing how much he’s doing for his family and country, and looking at how much she’s doing, she never feels like it’s enough. She also never knew her father, so Ryoma sometimes feels like a father to her.

Ryoma worries about her, but she would always smile and put up a wall of “I’m fine, you have a lot to worry about, so don’t worry about me”, and when she becomes like that, he’s unsure how to reach her. Instead he pats her on the head and says “well, let me know if you need anything” even though they both know she wouldn’t, because she’d feel like being a bother. Instead he makes sure Sakura’s retainers take good care of her, or sometimes asks his ninjas to secretly check up on her.

Maybe because she’s the youngest or maybe because he sees her always doing her best, but Ryoma kind of dotes on Sakura. Whenever he travels somewhere for any reason, he would bring back a box of local sweets for her, which would always delight her.

Sakura is Takumi’s ear when he wants to complain about stuff, esp when he becomes sick of hearing about Corrin. He sees Sakura as an ally who also doesn’t know or care about Corrin.

Sakura actually is very curious about Corrin and wants to meet them. But she knows not to say anything when Takumi is ranting, and just smiles and offers him a sweet.

Takumi is actually pretty overprotective of Sakura. It’s his only chance to be a big brother and he likes to exercise it whenever he has the opportunity to. If anyone makes Sakura cry, they’re going to face the wrath of Takumi.

Sakura liked to hear stories about Ikona, but Takumi refuses to listen to any, saying “Mikoto is my mother, she’s the only mother I know”. Mikoto felt happy hearing that, but also a little sad and he would never get to know Ikona.

When Azura arrived at Hoshido, she looked like a doll, her eyes lifeless.

Ryoma tried his best to get her to open up. He took her to festivals, put all sorts of food in front of her, but she acted disinterested

This was before Hinoka decided to take up the lance. When she first met Azura, she said “you’re not Corrin.” Ryoma berated her for saying that, but Azura just stared back at her blankly. Hinoka tried, awkwardly, to share her dolls with Azura, to no avail, and Hinoka quickly gave up

Takumi was too young to really understand anything, but he would instinctively cling more to Mikoto every time he sensed Mikoto gave Azura attention.

Eventually, with Mikoto’s coaxing, Ryoma’s persistence, and general calmer environment, Azura started to relax and open up. She still acted distant, but at least she started to smile.

Takumi never learned to trust her though, always suspicious of her as he learned of her Nohrian origin

Hinoka tries to dote on Azura (taking her shopping or to festivals), perhaps to make up for being mean to her when they first met. Azura would smile and accept her kindness. They sometimes practice using lances together.

It took Sakura a long time to properly start talking to Azura; she was intimidated by her aloof aura. But once Sakura got over her shyness, the two actually became pretty close. Sakura loved to hear Azura sing and would often ask her to sing her to sleep. Azura liked to tease her with scary stories.

Mikoto’s death affected everyone differently

Ryoma stayed calm during the event, barking out orders to evacuate the citizens and deal with the enemy threat. He had become really good at keeping his emotions in check, but if you looked closely, you could see his hand shaking. After the event, he went to his parents’ (Sumeragi and Ikona) grave and apologized for not being able to keep his promise to them. He cried later in the privacy of his room.

Hinoka’s knees gave out and was in a daze. Ryoma had to snap her out of it a couple of times to not get killed by the enemy. Tears streamed down her face as she fought; she tried not to let anyone else see and kept wiping them away, but they saw anyway. Afterwards, she was solemn. She reflected on and regretted all the mean things she said to Mikoto. She would often go fly on her pegasus, letting the wind dry her tears.

Takumi openly wailed and kept trying to go to Mikoto’s body, his retainers had to pull him back. He also tried to shoot Corrin, and Ryoma had to physically stop him. Afterwards, he took it pretty hard; he was closest to Mikoto. He blamed himself for not being there to protect her, but then started channeling all his feelings into hostility towards Corrin.

Sakura managed to hold it together during the event. She was crying the whole time, but kept calm and did her duty. The number of injured citizens probably distracted her. But afterwards, she was inconsolable for many days, refusing to eat or leave her room. It was the first time she really lost anyone close to her (since she doesn’t remember her birth parents). Hana stayed with her the whole time and let her cry on her shoulder.

Azura was busy trying to calm down Dragon Corrin during the event. Afterwards, she mourned Mikoto in private, but was her usual aloof self in public. So much so that Takumi lashed out at her saying “why don’t you care that our mother is dead?!”

Corrin blamed themselves, even though Azura and Kaze assured them it wasn’t their fault. They felt guilty seeing Sakura and Hinoka cry, and tried to avoid Takumi, who was constantly glaring at them.

Well, that ended sad. I have more hc about these dorks, but I think this post is already too long as it is.

#fire emblem fates #fe fates #fe fates headcanon #fire emblem fates headcanon #hoshido family #fates hoshido royals #fe14

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