#I have barely slept this week
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Is that… Deathpierce??
And Deldry??…
#idk#I might just be going crazy#but plsss#do you see it??#cause I do!!#but like guys#I have barely slept this week#so I might as well be halucating LMAO#manga#mnyk#four knights of the apocalypse#4kota#mokushiroku no yon kishi#seven deadly sins sequel#Deathpierce#Deldry#nanatsu no taizai#nakaba suzuki#4kota manga
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open starter?
you hear a quiet knock at your cabin door. When you open it, you see a little girl/child in a big hoodie sitting on the doorstep. It's pulled its legs to the chest into a little ball, looking panicked and having visibly cried.
"... help?"
taglist @nico-sees-dead-people @dr-flipflops @the-eclipse-is-in-me @quinn-is-victory @demigod-jack-hearth other tags i cant remember
#disclaimer i have barely slept and im in pain#so this may get less coherent than usually#but im too busy next week and i want distraction
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In your Family Fix-it AU, does Ahsoka re-join the order or is she still, in Mace Windu's words, a civilian?
yeah I do think she would!!! in season 7 ik she says smthn like "not yet" abt being a jedi to yoda, so yeah, I do think she intended to join again if the order kinda… became more what she originally thought it was. so doesn't rejoin immediately, probably a few years after the twins are born and when the Jedi have solidified themselves as a peaceful organisation again and ahsoka feels emotionally ready herself to rejoin
but getting to that point is difficult. made even more difficult bc obvs in this au, Anakin's ALSO left the order! so she partly doesn't want to go back out of her own pride, but also partly doesn't wanna go back bc of his pride. is it a betrayal to go back to the order both of them left?
she and anakin discuss this at some point (probably on a nighttime balcony or smthn for the aesthetic) and he basically explains he left for very different reasons to her. he left because he knew he personally wasn't a fit for the jedi with the whole wife and family thing, but ahsoka left bc of insitutional stuff. if she thinks its better now then she has anakin's blessing (they both know she doesn't need it but hey, it's nice to have that support from her big bro)
#whoops sorry that turned into a ted talk LMAO#thanks for the ask!#sw fix-it au#also sorry if i read this in the morning and it makes no sense i was just at a party and i have a headache ive barely slept this week LOL
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I am thinking about. The blood n knife n alcohol in Boone's room. And the broken mirror.
#nova transmits#fallout new vegas#craig boone#tw self harm#implications in the tags n such. anyways#is it from when carla was kidnapped? has henot cleaned up since it happened?#can he not bare to clear away the last thing he has of her no matter what a terrible reminder it is#or is it his. what does boone do when hes drunk and cant look at himself in the mirror he punched out a week ago#i think six slept in there once in the early days bc she was worried for boone and it continues to haunt her into adulthood#six vc. i was a child i shouldnt have been exposed to that. whatever it was. but also nobody should have left him in there.#why was that my job.
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didn't mean to disappear, my life is like a soap opera right now so unfortunately the next prompts will be posted gradually whenever i get a minute to wipe my own asshole clean
#ummmmmm tags#why am i even trying to come up with tags#i want to sleep#on my stomach preferably#i have been awake. 40 hours ? dno#WHY AM I TAGGING GOODBYE LMFAO UGH#updates#bit too busy to exist actually#was told i havent showed in a week. i wasnt aware of that.#its okay y'all i smell like roses now (人*´∀｀)｡*ﾟ+#long shower check#there is no point to these tags sorry i just only talk to my baby so when i DO talk its like rambling#and this is super like talking into the void which is ever better#it's ok i slept two more hours#only took 15 more hours after the post was made 🤩#ever better is a mistake i wish you could edit tags after they're listed#tumblr tags used to be so convenient#now they barely work
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Some (late) holiday photos of the boye~!
#cats#holiday#OUGHH....... barely could even get these edited and posted... my mysterious sickness flare up has been sooo bad the past few#days.. I didn't even go to the usual obligatory family christmas I was supposed to attend (!!! health issue/medical mention in tags below)#My stomach issues basically put me in a constant state of uncontrollable shivering/body shaking + nausea + sometimes rapid heart#rate. and when it happens at night that makes it like.. nearly impossible to sleep when you're violently shaking + you can feel your heart#so strong + you keep having to run to the bathroom every 5 minute to cough and gag#and throw up and so on and so forth. etc. So I went like 40 hours without any sleep almost for christmas eve and all of christmas day#last night I finally got maybe 2 hours of sleep in between the nausea and shaking and stuff. and then today I was able to get a few#hours of sleep in the afternoon. Today I tried taking an anxiety mediciation a doctor gave me in case it was anxiety related (it's apparent#ly used to relax people and works in the moment. rather than like Anxiety Mediciation that you have to take for weeks to see any effect#because I think this isn't actually acting on your brain chemistry it's judt like..a mild sedative or something.) but all that did was make#me dizzy and sweaty lol. I;m glad I slept a little but I'm just still frustrated that I don't feel normal. I started having these#'episodes' (with the stomach issues + shaking + heartrate + nausea etc.) like at the end of october. And usually it will happen for like a#few hours at a time. or i'll lose sleep one day and then be fine the next. but this has been like nearly 3 days of feeling weird. so is#getting kind of annoying... It's funny too because I was so so productive like.. literally the few days before. I was feeling much better#and I was working on my game and blah blah. But then.. random issue flare up out of nowhere of course.. yaayy.... happy holidays to meee lo#I did at least see two random ducks outside of my window in the yard area for christmas. and havent seen them since. So it's like.. hrmm..#pacing around my room nauseous and shakings and etc. but at least... hello.. two little ducks placed there just for me :3c#Now I get anxiety every night which I'm sure doesn't help/could exacerbate whatever underlying genuinely physical issues exist. But after#like 2 nights of 'I spend the night sleepless and incredibly uncomfortable just sitting in the dark sick' then bedtime is like.. dread...#I even was trying slapping myself in the face in desperation to see if somehow that could shock my body out of whatever the hell it was#doing lol.. up at 3am holding ice cubes in my hand and hitting myself in the head and crying from exhaustion and thowing up.. literally#ridiculous cartoon character feeling... AAANYWAY!!! At least I have baby boy pictures. and I have lots of doctors appointments so hopefully#whatever the issue is can be sorted out at some point. I don't know much about ibs but hopefully maybe something like that that I could pos#ibly take medication for and not something more seirous or anything. Maybe there's a food I'm secretly intolerant to or whatever.#And I did at least post a sims holday video actually timed for the holidays so that's something. I havent been productive really latrely#though obviously.. I can't even play games or small tasks when in that state since I'm just SO physically uncomfortable. Nausea and heart#stuff are THE hardest physical sensations to ignore.. BUT yeah... hoping I shall sleep at all tonight. hopeing to get like 3 productive#things done.. at some point... at least SOMETHING... lol..... *** *** ***
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btw just giving this disclaimer preemptively: if i start posting weird things (or weirder things than normal) i promise i didn’t relapse and i promise i’m still sober. i’ve been sober for a while now. my bipolar is just getting bad again and i might be going into an episode
#long story short#my mom withheld my antipsychotic and mood stabilizer and between that and going through several major stressful life changes#I can feel myself reacting by slipping into psychosis and/or dysphoric mania and/or a mixed mood episode#I’m still lucid and aware of what’s real and what’s not#but I’m kind of slipping#it’s hard to explain but anyone with psychosis knows how it feels to feel yourself slipping into an episode and not being able to stop it#I have barely slept the last week
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i would rather live with ana for the rest of my life than binge like this ever again
#rending.txt#i dont know how to stop binging i was doing so well yesterday and then for no reason it fell apart#i just want to stop#i have so much to do today but i just dont want to do anything im so depressed#im just going to lay in bed and eat all day and think up ways to die#i already know my chosen method i just cant be bothered right now so maybe later#i just want to keep sleeping#i called in sick to work today because i was so so tired and i slept i think nearly 12 hours which isnt bad#i wanna go on a walk and work out and stuff but i just. cant right now. i need to work on my job presentation but i just cant#i just want to keep eating and go back to sleep and then wake up and end it#but i just need to make it to therapy tomorrow and maybe itll get better? who knows#i dont even have the energy to walk up to tesco to get blades or more food so im laying im bed eating dry granola like a pathetic pig#i dont wanna talk to anyone but my boyfriend but hes asleep and i dont want to vent to him anymore because it makes me feel guilty#and it doesnt help to vent to him anymore so i just make him sad for no reason and i dont know how to vent to anyone else#i havent changed my bedsheets in weeks and theres so much trash on my floor you can barely walk in my room and i havent showered in a week#i just dont have the heart to cry anymore i just want it to stop#i did everything i was supposed to so i could prevent binges and it didnt work at all so i think im beyond saving lol
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little man on an adventure :]
#i have wifi for a bit yay#safe traveling so far !! very excited to hopefully get to sit down and break in the new sketchbook this evening :]#Chase and Sunny helped me put together some rly fun outfits so im going to try drawing those#i think partially why im so okay rn is that i barely slept last night so im just kind of floating thru the day in a haze LMAO#i forgot to bring my notebook though so i cant work on writing or worldbuilding unless i write in my sketchbook aheemheem ue ue ue#(i dont like typing stuff on phone fjdkdl my fine motor skills are Not super great irt phone typing)#anyways !!! i hope everyone has a good week 🫶 I'll probably be annoying with photo posting so lemme come up w a tag ummm...#lil guz adventures#<- here block this tag if u don't want to see these kinds of posts !#dandy.cmd
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me rn
#slept for almost 2 hrs straight in school n still eepy#not even bubble tea made me more awake#just finished another rin fic to cope i might be going crazy A little#hhhhh nothing is gg right w my life lowkey#results so bad my teacher checked in w me and encouraged me#so unfair…. i worked so hard to receive tbe bare minimum but i guess thats just me.#always so medicore… never good at anything… hhhhh lowkey feel like giving up#wbats the plint… back to my hopeless era again but at least ill be here i guess#rlly i need a rin in my life to get me going again i wld tewrite all my essays consult n evegyhing for him#rin pls be real soon.#gonna do smth impulsive mahbes who knows#hhhh zzzzzzzz dreading everything just wanna cry n yhrow a hissy fit abt everything but j cant ever do that#never having any personal time … ill always be surrounded… wanna be alone but im too afraid of that too…#Anywahs back to rinmaxxing!#probably resting this weekend n posting again next week … :p
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today sucked the life out of me ya Allah
#nothing particularly happened#well actually multiple things happened but none of them are that big of a deal im just tired#yesterday the ppt file for my presentation corrupted as i was finishing it :') didn't have autosave on :'))#had to redo the entire thing from scratch. i was working on it all week too for god's sake#finished by like 4am today and i had to be up by 8 for uni so i barely slept#the presentation was fine i think given i had to do everything again last minute but ik the original version was better#my blood pressure was through the roof the entire day for some reason. felt my pulse in my head for the whole day#fitting because our pbl case this week was about hypertension😭#called my dad to make sure he went to get his meds renewed...#i'm really worried about him he refused to go to the doctor again aslan but i sat him down and we had a long talk about it#alhamdulillah he agreed to go. only for them not to have his diabetes meds in stock💀 bas ya3ni it's good that he went anyway#my mom is a different story she's so stubborn i swear#had an argument with her today about letting me work again to lift a bit of the workload off her since money is still so tight#and she got pissed at me#so now im tired unrested have a migraine and my mom is mad at me what a day bgad#ya Allah
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urgh
#I KNOW its likely a wisdom tooth but now im like what if i ALSO have a cavity#ive just been in pain for most of the day and barely slept last night because it bugged me so much. I hope I can get a decent nights sleep#tonight and get this sorted out asap so at least I KNOW whats up#also this is silly but i got the last stuff for my loop cosplay today and me not feeling well enough to work on the final stuff rn +#the con being next week just has me hoping this wont get in the way of it
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this is officially worse than when i had e.coli i can definitely say that now
#emeto n illness etc its pretty gnarly and i dont have a filter so read at your own risk#its been 3 fucking days of barely sleeping and having that sleep interrupted by severe abdominal pain and vomiting#and then during the day i feel almost normal again! and then right before i go to bed the pain comes back and then im just up all night#this is the fourth day of work ive fucking missed this week and i literally want to jump off a cliff#this is worse than my ulcers its worse than e.coli and i havent slept since i woke up at 11:30pm. and its 8am.#ive been shaking and vomiting all night and im soo so tired. i need this to stop. the pain definitely got to like an 8 last night#and all i could do was lay on the couch and just writhe and whine because i literally cannot keep anything down!!#not even my.sleep meds that i unsuccessfully tried to take twice and threw them up both times#my whole body is pins and needles from fevers or chills or sleep deprivation i dont rly know or care#this is the first time in 8+ hrs ive been able to look at my phone without the nausea worsening tenfold so im dropping all of this#and if you think all of this feels bad physically! wait till you hear how it feels emotionally and mentally!
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I finally finished and handed in my thesis on Friday and it felt like such an incredible relief😭 I think I haven't felt so at peace in literal months because it was constantly looming over me but I felt too paralysed with fear to start writing. BUT that's finally over now! I still need to do my final exam now but that's only in October. Also I've started my master's degree programme on Thursday (at the same university that's why I could start despite not actually having my bachelor's degree yet) and I'm actually already looking forward to my classes :D
I feel like it really affected my mental wellbeing during that time though and especially in the last few months I found it much harder to keep in contact with online friends or even just go on social media, I got overwhelmed much more easily and it just felt too exhausting :( I lowkey feel bad for all the self ship postings and art and fanfics that I missed😭 So please, take this as a free pass to come into my inbox and gush about your f/o(s)! I'd love to hear about them🫶
#or tell me something else! like talk about your ocs or something good that happened to you recently :) to include my non-selfship friends#I'll probably answer them tomorrow tho since I also got a bit sick and will go to bed soon#I completely overexerted myself and barely slept the past weak because I was writing my thesis like a madman#I think at some point my immune systeme just couldn't take it anymore#I slept basically the whole day today only got up twice to some rice pudding and soup#it's nothing too bad mostly just an annoying throat ache and feeling a little unwell#I would love to draw or write or work on my cosplays but I think my mum's right that I should take the weekend to rest#I have classes next week so it's probably best if I just chill in bed and watch Hogan's Heroes😌#selnia talks
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just a lil guy,,,, who has been trapped in my drafts for three months. oh dear.
click for better quality
reblogs >> likes
#free him#character design#original character#character art#dragon#dragon art#original creature#creature#commissions open#my art?#my oc art#mildly haunted guy#AUGH. it has been a WEEK not eVEN A WEEK if you are waiting on a comm from me i am GOING TO GET TO IT very very soon#it will not be late it just wont be. early#we just went from ‘yeah at some point’ to ‘Yep Like In A Few Days Actually’ on a Very Big Thing REAL FAST and i have barely slept the entire#time and it is an EXPERIENCE why am I YELLING#it’s a good thing. for the record it’s. it’s a good thing it’s gonna be a good thing it is#i am absolutely Terrified of jinxing it somehow by typing the actual letters! so i will simply say AAAAAAok cool here’s a dragon bye#sorren
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hate coming back so late, i miss watching the sunset and getting to sit on the porch until im too tired or have smth creepy happen
#logbook#i come up here when its already late and its usually fine but its just me and im still getting used to it. . .#housemates dont get back until later. which ig is good to have some of us get back late so its weird timing for stuff#plus they can scout out later at night too when im def crashing#and then i get up early so i see early morning stuff. and am here midday on weekends and them on some week days#idk it works out. it sucks bc we barely see each other but it works out ok otherwise#i finally remembered to bring tea up here so im planning to have a cup in bed and crash so hard#migraines slowly kicking in but i know why. . .i even slept in today too. didnt help.#tmrw i'll be cleaning and organizing the room finally. plant maintenance. maybe do smth abt the outdoor plants b4 it gets hot.#but i sure do miss sunset watching. at least i can dawn watch most mornings. kind of.
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