#I have anxiety myself so commenting is sometimes hard

[leonawriter]

At one point not even all that long ago, I said somewhere about how I can end up feeling jealous of authors who are more successful; I don't mean "who write better than I do," I mean more like... "by a stroke of fate and knowing the right people, and how to self-promote as well, they get popular and recommended each time someone asks for something to read in the fandom."

Every time this sort of thing comes up, I worry that people think I'm being bitter and resentful of them, when the fact is, I'm honestly more resentful of how up to luck it all is.

If anything, I resent how there are always going to be smaller artists and writers who don't get that big break of people noticing them, so their works go undetected, unnoticed. How just because they aren't in the right "in-crowd" of friends, they'll not have the same amount of word-of-mouth publicity, because if a big name fan talks about something, or if a big name artist draws for it, then that blows up the attention they'll get exponentially - in ways that those who don't have those privileges won't get.

So it's really less about me and my own (human, fallible) need for attention and to know that the work I've put into things was worth it, but the bigger problem and the fact that I'm sure a lot of people feel the same frustration at some point, sooner or later.

Then again, even the "popular" creators likely get wondering if they can make something that lives up to the hype, don't they?

Which I suppose is just to say - if something is new, or if the author isn't well known, or if the work doesn't have that many kudos or hits or comments, don't judge it on that. If it looks interesting, give it a try. If you don't like it, you can back out. If you do, you can tell the author - and you can also tell other people you liked it, too.

[endo-bunny]

Sit Down Now and Rest

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Description: You had anxiety and depression, and Tony and Bruce were more than happy with getting you anxiety meds the moment that you asked. When you stop taking your meds, your mental health plummets and spirals as well as your physical health, and everyone notices. Don't worry though, they're there for you.

Pairing: (Platonic) Avengers x Teen!Reader

Type: Fluff, Angst, Hurt/Comfort

Warnings: Depression, anxiety, sickness, fainting, dizziness, taking meds(both medicated and just vitamins/iron supplements), dehydration, insomnia, depressive and hurtful thoughts, reader doesn't talk very much in this, nicknames(Kiddo, Kid, Hun)

Word Count: 1,627

Note: I may or may not have written this with too much of myself being present… But it's fine! I also wrote this at like 2 in the morning so it's kinda rough but I just needed to get this typed out so here ya go! Also, the characters might be kinda ooc because I haven't watched any marvel movies in a little while but I've been hyper focused on fics with them lately so yea. And I am working on my tlou and tech fics, it's just hard to find the motivation to write them, but don't worry, I'm working on em.

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You were quick to notice that you stopped taking your meds. You knew that they helped you, but you couldn't get yourself to start the habit of taking them again. You wanted to, most definitely, but you couldn't. Every day was the same. Wake up, look at your meds, contemplate taking them, saying you'll take them later, go train, eat, and then not take them.

You also stopped taking them at night too. You had even set alarms so that you'd remember to take them, but it didn't help at all. Natasha was the first to notice that something was up, being the closest one with you. When she realized that something wasn't quite right, she made sure to keep a close eye on you. She was quick to pick up how dizzy you looked when you'd get up, sometimes not even being able to stay standing before you crumbled back onto the couch. You'd always play it off as if you just lost your footing but she and everyone else knew that that wasn't the case.

One morning you had gotten up much later than you had recently been getting up. When you checked the time, it was around two in the afternoon. You got up and went to the kitchen, feeling extremely hungry after forgetting, and also just not wanting dinner the night prior. When you arrived in the kitchen, Tony was there. He had kind of taken up the father role in your life.

The moment he saw that you had finally arose, he was quick to make a snarky comment in good fun, “Ah! The beast has finally awoken from their slumber, now off they go to find their beauty.”

You only roll your eyes, ignoring him. You felt exhausted, even though you got close to ten hours of sleep seeing as you fell asleep around 4 in the morning. You couldn't find anything easy to fix or that looked appetizing in the fridge or pantry so you just opted for a bottle of water that you would only take a sip or two of then leave with your other five almost full water bottles on your nightstand.

Before you could go back to the confines of your room, Tony had to ask you a question, “ Hey kiddo, did you take your meds?”

The question caught you off guard, not expecting him to ask seeing as he hasn't asked in a real long time.

“Oh yea! I, um, took them earlier but fell back asleep. Yea, that's what I did!”

You try to make it seem like you weren't lying through your teeth, but weren't very successful because of how exhausted you were. However, before Tony could confront you, you book it to your room. You hide there for the rest of the day, not coming out for Dinner. Steve had come by to tell you that dinner was ready but you told him that you weren't very hungry as you just kept your

on the book that you had your nose in. You kept your light on all night, not feeling tired.

The next morning, Nat knocked on your door around eight, coming to get you so that you could train with her. When she opened your door, she saw you laying on your back staring up at the ceiling. You looked exhausted and had dark circles under your eyes. When Bat opened the door, you flung up in surprise. You hadn't heard her knocking so you weren't expecting for the door to randomly open. You couldn't tell who it was at first because your vision went fuzzy black as your body tried to accommodate the sudden movement that you caused. Nat waited for you to acknowledge her.

When you did after a couple seconds, you looked over at the time, confused. It had just been two the last time you looked at the clock. How could it be eight all of the sudden? You were brought out of your thoughts by Natasha trying to talk to you. You zoned back in, giving her a questioning look.

“I said, are you ok? You look exhausted Hun. I came by to get ya to come train but it looks like you need to rest for a couple days.”

“Oh! No, I'm fine. Just give me a couple minutes to get ready and I'll be down and we can get to work in no time!”

She gave you a skeptical look but nodded, closing your door behind her.

When you got down to the training room, Bucky and Steve were there with Natasha. They smiled upon seeing you walk in. However, Bucky and Steve's bright smiles dropped upon looking at your figure. You were slouched, tired eyes not fully open and your eye bags were extremely dark.

Bucky was the first to point it out, “Hey Kid, you ok? You aren't looking too good.”

You only shrugged, your body aching and your throat feeling scratchy and sore for some reason.

As you're sparring with Natasha, you continuously have to stop the match because you go into coughing fits. As finish with your last coughing fit you go back to Natasha, but she's packing her stuff up.

“Wait, where are you going?” You're voice comes rather harsh and rude as you ask the red head.

“I think you should rest for the rest of the day Hun. I'll come check on you in a little while. But go take your meds and also some cough syrup and eat something.”

You didn't say anything as you grabbed your stuff and walked back to your room. This was stupid. It was just a little cold. You can still fight. You need to train. Deep down though you knew you needed to listen to her and do as she said. In the end, you don't. You go back to your room, take a sip or two of water, get a small snack and then sit down in the living room with a book.

You try to read it, but you can't stay focused for long enough to. Your mind is spiraling and racing. You kept replaying how training went. You were so pathetic. And rude. How could you be so rude? Stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid. You slam the book down onto the sofa, huffing.

You hadn't noticed that some of the others had joined you in the living room. They look up at you, surprised. They weren't used to seeing you like this. You tried to get up quickly, wanting to get away from this embarrassing situation.

The moment you get up, the world goes black, buzzing and ringing is the only thing you can hear as you collapse. You feel something picking you up and setting you down on the couch. You blink your eyes a couple times, slowly feeling sensation being restored in your body. You look around you and see that Bruce is coming over with a damp cloth and water. Nat has your head resting in her lap and Tony has your hand in his. They all look worried as they stare down at you. You hear gasped as Steve and Bucky walk in.

Questions are being thrown at you, too fast for you to comprehend. You instinctively put your hands on your ears, feeling overwhelmed. They all quiet down upon seeing this. Tony is the one to ask the questions from then on.

“Hey, it's ok. We're sorry, didn't mean to overwhelm ya like that. Can ya sit up?”

You nodded, feeling embarrassed now. Tony nodded and Nat helped you sit up, allowing you to lean against her.

“Ok, drink some water, you're ok,” Tony hands you the water that Bruce had brought over as Bruce is wiping your face with the cold damp cloth.

“Ya feeling better?”

“Ya, I'm fine.”

“Have you been taking your meds, kid?”Tony doesn't hold back, knowing what it looks like when you don't take the meds that have been helping you produce what your body needs.

You sheepishly look down at your hands that are fidgeting in your lap. You inhale sharply before shaking your head no.

They all sigh, Natasha being the one to talk this time, “Why haven't you been taking your meds, Hun?”

“I-I just don't want to… I don't like the feeling.”

They looked at each other, wondering what to say. As they look at each other, you go to stand up, but they make sure that you don't get up.

“Sit down now and rest,” Bucky's voice comes from behind you, his hands still on your shoulders.

“I'm sorry…” Your voice comes out in a whisper.

“You're forgiven kiddo, but ya gotta start taking your meds again.” Steve comes over and sits on the other side of you as he speaks.

“I know.”

“How bout I take my medication with ya? God knows that I haven't been taking it as much as I should be,” Tony chuckles as he tries to negotiate with you.

You didn't know if it would actually help you but you were open to the idea.

“Good, drink some more water. Now what do you want to watch? Hm? TV's all yours,” Tony stood up, giving you the TV remote as everyone decided to sit down on the couch.

You picked your comfort movie as you snuggled up with Steve and Nat. Tony had gotten you some actual food, and by the time the movie was over, you had drank all the water, ate all the food, fell asleep, and almost everyone else had fallen asleep as well. You felt safe with the people that cared about you all around you. You knew that this would be a journey, but you also knew that you weren't alone.

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Tag list: @fakegingerrights @macchiato-dreaming22 @silnebula

[brattyfork]

i haven’t

summary: matt feels insecure still being a virgin, his best friend helps him out

warnings: sex obviously, matt being kind of a sub, nothing super crazy, very long tho sorry

i havent 💚3

matt and i have been best friends since high school, he was always more of the shy one in our friendship. this resulted in us having two very different high school experiences, i had the very stereotypical “ideal” experience, parties, drinking, sex, all the lame school dances, football games, you name it, i probably did it. matt, however, had almost the complete opposite, unfortunately his anxiety usually got the best of him and he ended up hanging out with a few close friends (including me) and his brothers, which was still super fun but he stayed in his comfort zone. i convinced matt, with chris’ help, to come to a few parties but aside from getting high once he didn’t really participate in them. all of this to say, i was pretty experienced while matt was a sober virgin. i know that sounds harsh but it never bothered me or him as far as i knew. i obviously wanted to have fun with my best friend but it never distanced us, it was his choice and i respected it.

this brings us to now, i’m 20 and living with matt and his two triplet brothers. matt had come out of his shell a considerable amount but still never felt the need to do anything crazy.

we were sitting in our living room bored out of our minds when nick suggested we play a game. i suggested truth or dare but none of us wanted to get up so chris said we should play never have i ever. nick made fun of him for picking something so middle school but no one had any better ideas so we went with it.

it started out pretty tame, “nhie pooped my pants” “nhie cried at school” “nhie fallen down the stairs” before chris raised the stakes. “nhie kissed someone” i was confused why he asked this because we all had and we all knew that. i put my finger down, turning to matt who was red in the face and realized why chris asked.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

senior year, matt was feeling really bad about not having had his first kiss before he graduated high school. he was complaining and moping so much that i finally suggested i could be his first kiss. he turned beet red and began asking me a dozen questions.

“won’t it be weird?”

“not if we don’t make it weird”

“what if i’m bad?”

“you can’t really be bad at it, plus if you were i wouldn’t care”

“are you sure about this?”

“yeah if it’ll make you stop sulking in self pity”

he rolled his eyes at me, “you’re not gonna make fun of me are you?”

i tilted my head at him, “matt, have i ever genuinely made fun of you?” he shook his head.

“just close your eyes, i’ll take the lead”

he took a deep breath before closing his eyes. i leaned over, a little nervous myself, took his face in my hands and pressed a soft kiss to his lips. he kissed back for a moment before i pulled away, him subconsciously chasing my lips. it was actually one of the nicest kisses i’ve ever had, his lips were soft and he was gentle, most guys just tried to eat my face. once we had both pulled back and opened our eyes we started giggling which turned into stomach-churning laughter. we just couldn’t help it, it was funny. we didn’t talk about it anymore after that, other than him updating his brothers on what had happened.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

chris could be a dick sometimes, giving his brothers a hard time and unfortunately, matt was an easy target. i kicked chris’ leg, giving him a stern look.

“ow! what the hell dude?”

“don’t be a dick”

we moved on, more questions about embarrassing things and a few rounds later it was chris’ turn again.

“nhie had sex” chris giggled

chris and i put a finger down, while nick and matt’s stayed up.

“did someone slip asshole pills into your pepsi?”

they all chuckled at my comment, but it wasn’t really a joke.

“i think we should quit while we’re ahead, are you guys hungry?” they all nodded. nick and chris began bickering about where we should eat while we were all getting our shoes on.

“do you wanna drive or do you want me to?” i asked matt

“i don’t care” he didn’t sound angry, more defeated

“okay, i can drive” i gave him a soft smile.

we loaded into the car, nick taking his usual spot in the back. chris tried to sit up front, he normally sat there when matt drove and sometimes when i did. i shot him a glare, him letting out a sigh and scooting in next to nick. matt took his seat in the front, sometimes he would ask for aux but he just went on his phone and said nothing. chris chimed in from the back.

“can i…?” he asked referring to the music, i nodded my head at him, seeing as i didn’t wanna pick anything and matt was occupied.

we decided on a coney island, wanting to sit down opposed to getting fast food. we got a booth, chris and nick sitting across from matt and i. matt was particularly quiet tonight and i could tell something was wrong. i noticed he was twiddling his thumbs in his lap and quickly grabbed his hand, interlacing our fingers and resting our hands on his thigh. this was normal for us, we held hands sometimes when one of us noticed the other was stressed. he looked up from his lap and gave me a small smile before slowly joining the conversation. matt seemed to be acting like his normal self again but i could tell something was still bothering him.

we finished our food and made our way back to the house, chris and nick decided to retire to bed while matt and i weren’t super tired yet. we grabbed a few snacks before heading to my room, which was on the first floor while the boys’ were on the second, mainly so we didn’t have to worry about waking up nick and chris.

we turned on adventure time and matt rested his head on my lap while we both scrolled aimlessly through our phones. after about two episodes, matt put his phone down and just stared at the ceiling.

“are you good?” i asked, concerned about his strange behavior.

“when did you lose your virginity?”

i was taken a back by his question but answered nonetheless.

“uhh summer after sophomore year i think”

he didn’t say anything.

“why do you ask?”

“do you think it’s weird i’m still a virgin?”

“no matt, not at all”

“i think it’s weird”

“do you think it’s weird that nick is a virgin?”

“no but he’s at least done stuff, all i’ve done is kissed you, no offense”

i giggled, “none taken matty, the time just hasn’t been right yet. you’ll meet a girl and hit it off, you’ll know.”

“yeah…” he trailed off, like he had more to say.

“you know you can tell or ask me anything right?”

“if you don’t want to, you can tell me to fuck off and we can forget this ever happened…” he paused for a moment “w-would you have sex with me?”

“are you sure you want to? we don’t have to do anything you don’t want”

“yes i want to, i’m sick of being a 20 year old virgin” he chuckled. i let out a few giggles too before our laughter died down.

when i looked at him now, his eyes were dark with need and desperation. i took his face in my hands and pulled him into a deep kiss. i hadn’t had a kiss like matt’s since senior year, i tried to push it out of my head but it was hard. it was like fireworks were going off inside my head when our lips touched, i had never felt that with anyone else.

the kiss got more heated, i wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled myself onto his lap, causing him to whimper at the pressure. i smiled into the kiss, his noises giving me more confidence as i ground my hips into his lap. he almost completely pulled away from the kiss as a desperate whine escaped his lips. i smiled at him before making my way to his neck, placing wet kisses along it up to his ear.

“i love the noises you make” i whispered before sucking a purple mark into his neck, more beautiful sounds leaving his lips while his hands trailed down to my ass, pulling me into him.

i came back to his face kissing him again before bringing my hands to the hem of his shirt and pulling it over his head. i then took off my shirt and bra so he wouldn’t feel so exposed. his eyes bore into my chest, his mouth hung open as if he wanted to say something.

“you gotta use your words to get what you want matty..” i teased him.

“c-can i touch you?” he asked, moving his hands up towards my boobs.

“of course you can, such a polite boy”

he blushed before placing his cold hands over my breasts, causing me to shiver. i kissed him while he played with my boobs, gaining more confidence and playing with my nipples. i let out a moan that was swallowed into the kiss before i pushed him onto the bed, leaving me on top of him.

i quickly got up off of him before taking off my leggings and moving to pull down his pants. he protested slightly, causing me to pull away before he spoke.

“can i make you feel good?”

“you will baby, i’m gonna take care of you right now tho, just relax” he let out a deep breath, giving into my instructions. i crawled up to his lap, palming him over his boxers before placing kisses up his shaft over the fabric. he began squirming under me when i decided to take his boxers off. he wasn’t huge but a decent size: proportional in length and width. i licked my lips, excited to have him inside me before taking him in my hand and licking a strip up the underside of his dick. he jumped a bit at the new feeling before letting out a loud groan from my warm tongue on his cock. i licked up the side of him before finally taking him into my mouth, sucking on the tip lightly causing him to buck his hips into me. he shot me an apologetic look while i took the rest of him in my mouth, the tip of his dick hitting the back of my throat. he gasped, all the air leaving his lungs as i began to bob up and down on him.

“holy fucking shit” he whimpered. i couldn’t help but giggle around him, the vibration causing him to buck up again. i continued sucking him, swirling my tongue around his dick until i felt him twitch in my mouth. i pulled off, followed by a loud whine of protest coming from him.

“mmm i was close” he pouted.

“don’t you wanna cum inside me?” his eyes lit up at the suggestion before nodding his head. i climbed up him, planning to ride him before he stopped me.

“um, can i do something to you?”

“you wanna finger me sweet boy?” he quickly nodded his head making me chuckle again at his eagerness. i grabbed his hand, pulling his pointer and middle finger out before taking them in my mouth, running my tongue all along them while keeping eye contact with the boy under me. i could feel his dick twitching under me, causing me to moan around his fingers. i pulled his fingers out of my mouth before moving them down to my pussy. he moved his fingers around, just getting a feeling for the area before stating “you’re so wet” i kissed him as he continued to feel me, rubbing his wet fingers on my clit making me moan into the kiss. he found his way to my entrance, pushing just at the beginning before stopping. i opened my eyes, realizing he was waiting for my consent. i nodded my head and he pushed one of his slender fingers into me, in turn pulling moans out of me. i moved to his ear. “you can put the other one in too” i whispered to him. he pushed the other in before i kissed him, pushing my tongue into his mouth and quickly dominating. he slowly got his footing, picking up his pace, my noises egging him on to repeat his actions. i felt myself nearing the edge, now grinding down onto his fingers. i pulled away from the kiss.

“fuck matty, you’re making me feel so good. please don’t stop” he said nothing but continued his motions until i fell into my orgasm, my legs shaking on his lap, still moving his fingers in and out of me. i had to grab his wrist for him to stop, not realizing he was overstimulating me.

“sorry” he murmured.

“you dont have to be sorry goof. you want me to ride you now?”

“yes please”

i spit on my hand, stroking him up and down a few times before lining him up at my entrance. i looked at him for approval, him nodding his head for me to slowly sink down. the noise he made when i pushed him into me is something i wish i could have on replay in my head for the rest of my life. like i said, he wasn’t huge but he filled me up in all the right places.

“fuck matt you feel so good”

“you’re so fucking tight holy god” i chuckled at his response, sitting there for a minute longer to let us both get used to the sensation.

“ready?” i looked to him, he nodded. i lifted myself up on my knees before sinking back down onto him. he placed his hands on my hipbones, helping guide me up and down while i bounced on his cock.

“hnng holy shit i think i’m close”

“me too baby, let go whenever you’re ready, i’ve got you” i reassured him, picking up my pace a bit, his whines getting more and more broken with every movement. before i knew it i could feel his hot cum coating my insides, sending me over the edge, fucking us both through our highs. once we both stopped twitching, i laid down on him, getting comfortable while he caught his breath.

“god i could stay here forever”

“we could sleep like this you know”

“are you sure?? is that sanitary?” i laughed at him.

“yes it’s fine matt, just go to sleep, i know you’re tired”

“as long as you’re comfortable, okay. goodnight, thank you for that”

“of course matty, goodnight” i said wrapping my arms around his neck and falling asleep with him inside me.

a/n: hi hope yall enjoyed :3 sorry the end is kinda rushed i didn’t rly know how to end it.

[gamerbunny1996]

Anxiety

Sitting at your computer you are about to start a stream with a few others. One being Schlatt. You get so excited every time you guys get to do a stream together. You're always so shy though, having a hard time talking to him sometimes. Starting the live you do your intro waiting for all the fans to pile in.

Seeing everyone in discord you jumped in. “Hello y/n” Ted said in a sing-song voice. “Hi,” you said back. “So what we have planned you just told me to join in discord” swagger said. Jackmanifold jumped in “I thought of doing a big you laugh you lose live stream” you smile at his excitement. “The rules are different then my normal ones. This time we have to make each other laugh” he said.

“I don't think I've ever heard y/n laugh,” Schlatt said. “Really I hear it all the time,” Ted replied to schlatt. “I bet it's an ugly laugh that's why she never laughs in front of me” you were shocked by his words he never talks bad about you ever even in a joking manner. “I don't think I do,” you tried to argue. “Then why have I never heard it then” he asked. “Ummmm… I don't really know maybe because you're not that funny” you kinda lied at the end you find him hilarious but you're always so shy and quiet he probably just never noticed you laughing at him. “That's a lie and you know it,” he said. “Alright you two let's start the challenge before the live goes on too long” Jack butted in. “I have a wheel here of all are names and who ever it lands on has to try and make the rest of us laugh”

You start to get nervous you don't even know where to begin on making people laugh you only know dark jokes. “Alright let's see who it's going to be” Jack spun the wheel. It goes around a few times until it lands on your name. Of course, just your luck. “Well I'm not good at this,” you said. “Just try, I know you can do it,” Ted said to you. “Okay I'm sorry for any jokes I speak. What's a depressed kid's favorite thing to do” you asked. Everyone said what. “They like just hanging around,” you said, trying not to laugh at yourself. All their eyes widened. “That was dark,” swagger said. “Yeah I only know dark jokes” you said trying to hide your face in embarrassment. “You need so much help mentally” Schlatt said.

The game went on and you just kinda stayed quiet the wheel has yet to land on you again. Thankfully. You wanted to die from the amount of embarrassment you are feeling. “Y/n you have yet to laugh come on there has to be something to make you laugh” Jack said. “I should just go, I'm just embarrassing myself more and more” you go to the end stream and discord. “Ha pussy” you heard schlatt say right when you hit the end call. Why was this upsetting you so much? You tell dark jokes all the time and you never have a problem other than people questioning your sanity. Like just hearing schlatt make rude comments to you and not finding your stupid joke funny now leaving because you just couldn't laugh. Everything started to get overwhelming.

A notification happened on discord you go look who's it from. Ted's name came on screen asking if I'm okay. “I don't know just some reason my anxiety is hitting hard after I told that joke” you send to Ted. It didn't take long for him to reply “that's weird it was a pretty funny joke even if it was dark.” He replied back to you. Smiling to yourself makes you feel better. “Weird question” you send

“What?” he replied. “Do you know why Schlatt is being so mean he is never this mean to me” you send scared he will poke at you for asking about schlatt. “No I don't. Why do you ask anyway” he replied. Scared you didn't know how to reply.

You put your fingers on the keys and started to type away just to get it over with. “Well, how do I put this? I really like Schlatt a lot and he was always so nice to me and mean to others I thought maybe he liked me too or something I don't really know” you hesitated to send. Taking a deep breath you sent it. It felt like forever for Ted to reply back. “Aw, how cute. I wish I could help but I don't even know Schlatt can be very private sometimes but you're right it's weird how all of a sudden he just starts to be mean to you. He hasn't said anything about you since you left.” He replied to you.

Starting to tear up from frustration and emotions. You don't really understand why you're feeling this way. Just wanting him to like you back. You decide to take a break on live streams and social media maybe it's your anxiety taking over. “I think I'm taking a break from everything for a little bit. My anxiety is going crazy and I need a few weeks to myself and maybe try and figure out this whole Schlatt thing” you sent to Ted. Taking a deep breath you start to shut everything down and leaving discord up to see when Ted replies back. Waiting for him you start to write a little letter for all your fans so they know you're taking a break for a few weeks. Posting it on all social media he sighs out looking back up at your monitor. “Please take a break if you need it. We will talk everyday you're gonna keep me updated on your little crush, life got it” you can almost hear him say this in a sassy voice making you laugh a little to yourself.

Closing discord you turn off the whole computer and monitors. Getting up you walk into the bathroom ready for a nice shower. Hoping to calm your thoughts. Right before you step in you hear you phone go off. Checking it to see who texted you.

Schlatt❤️: Why did you leave the stream today?

Toots: my anxiety got to much

Schlatt❤️: you want to talk about it?

Toots: Not really

Schlatt❤️: well I'm here if you want to talk

Toots:okay :l

You turned your phone off and hopped into the shower. Feeling the hot water poor over you. Enjoying the warmth your head went to your message just barely with schlatt. Why does he care all of a sudden? This is so strange it's making you upset. Turning off the water you got out. Drying off you looked at your phone. You wanted to see if schlatt replied. You wanted to text him so bad to come over so you could hug him and cry. You wanted to do so much but just couldn't do it.

Getting dressed you grabbed your phone and went into your room. Sitting on your bed you finally decided to turn your phone on to see if he texted back.

Schlatt❤️: I think you do

Taking a deep breath you turned your phone off leaving him on read. What do you say at this point? That you're in love with him and you want to hug and kiss him to make everything better. Soon your phone went off again.

Schlatt ❤️: don't leave me on read

You smile at that. But you still couldn't text him. It just felt so wrong.

Schlatt❤️:y/n

Schlatt❤️:toots

Schlatt❤️: dumbass answer me

Soon your phone started to ring. He was calling you. Panicking, you threw the phone. Thankfully It landed at the end of the bed. It went silent. Sighing in relief. You went to grab your phone but it started to ring again. You decide to just get it over with and answer the call. Before you could say hello Schlatt started yelling at you. “What the hell you kept leaving me on read then didn't answer the call. You should be ashamed. I'm trying to me a nice friend and you do this what the hell is going on” tearing up you broke down crying feeling bad for being so mean to Schlatt. “Oh wait don't cry sorry didn't mean to yell at you please calm down” he started to freak out not knowing what to do.

“You…. So…. Mean….stream” you cry out only a few words. Barely being able to breathe from all the crying. It just wouldn't stop no matter how hard you try. “Oh I'm so sorry I didn't mean to be I was just joking around please stop crying” you sniffled out finally being able to calm down a little. Once you can breathe again and only tears fall once in a while, you speak. “I'm sorry I don't really know what wrong my emotions are all over the place my anxiety is hitting pretty hard” you try to explain but leaving the part out of you just want to date the man. “It's okay, is there any reason why your anxiety is so bad?” he tried to help but he just can not know. “No” is all you said. “You want me to come over and we can watch a movie to distract you” your eyes widen. Staying silent you had no idea how to answer. Finally you just agreed. “Perfect I'll be over in 15 minutes or so” he hung up the phone. Now what are you going to do? Your crush coming over your face is a mess from crying so hard. Getting up you grab a few blankets and head to the living room. Placing them on the couch you go put some popcorn in the microwave. Waiting for it you pull out your popcorn bowl and some salt. Once it was done you pulled it out and poured it into the bowl. Putting salt all over it. Taking it to the living room you place it down on the coffee table. Turning on your TV you waited for Schlatt to come. You started to bounce your knee. Anxiety taking over your body. You were so lost in thought you didn't realize the door knocking. After a few seconds you snap out of it and went to answer the door.

Schlatt stood there with two bags. Letting him in. “I brought snacks and drinks,” he said, placing the bags on the table. “That was nice of you” you told him. He sat on the couch patting the seat next to him. He walks over sitting next to him as far as you can without him noticing. He did notice and didn't like it so he grabbed you shoulder and dragged you into his side. Laying a blanket over the both of you he turned on your favorite movie. Your eyes widen from shock that he remembered your favorite movie. You grabbed the bag of snacks and seen it had all your favorites. Looking at Schlatt on shock. “What?” He asked lifting and eyebrow. “You remembered all my favorite stuff” you said to him. “Yeah of course why wouldn't I” he said. “I don't know just people don't usually remember these things about me” you told. “Well I remembered” he said. A smile grew on your face. “thank you,for everything your so sweet to me” I told him. “Yeah well maybe that's because I like you” your eyes grew wide. You didn't know what to say or do just stare at him in shock. He just rolled his eyes smashing his lips into yours. You relaxed a little and kissed back. Pulling away you buried your face into his chest embarrassed. You can feel him laugh a little. Smiling to yourself you spoke into his chest. “I like you too” feeling him wrap his arm around you. “I know” is all he said. Looking up at him “how” he smiled at you. “You are way more obvious than you think you are '' blushing you turn to the TV trying to hide your face from him. He pulled you close to him. You enjoyed being so close to him. This was exactly what you wanted.

[mindfulstudyquest]

starve your ego, find your peace

these are my personal thoughts, an outburst. if you want to share your opinion in the comments, i welcome it, but please be kind. if you just want to insult, go elsewhere. if you're not interested, don't read <3 i remind you that english is not my first language, so there may be a few mistakes.

ego, what an interesting word. it is a latin lemma which literally means "I", it indicates

the self, especially with a sense of self-importance.

(psychology, freudian) the most central part of the mind, which mediates with one's surroundings.

a person's self-esteem and opinion of themselves.

in a society like ours, we fight against our ego every day, the anxiety of constantly being in the spotlight, the overwhelming thought of having all eyes on us.

the idea we have of ourselves is the strongest chain that prevents us from freeing ourselves from this mental cage. both positively and negatively. if you have a distorted idea of yourself and low self-esteem, you will never be able to become your higher-self, to take that extra step that allows you to transform your daydreams into a solid reality, if you think you are unintelligent, you will tend to take this truth for granted. "i'm not smart enough for this" and you'll give up your dreams of a higher education, or of getting all A's on your finals, or of having a great and fulfilling job.

but sometimes we think too highly of ourselves too. i always joke that i make study plans like i'm a genius who studies 200 pages in a day, but the truth is, i'm not joking at all.

many of you will recognize themselves in the stereotype of the burned-out gifted kid, especially when you move to a higher level of education (from middle school to high school, or from high school to university) and at that moment all certainty of your acclaimed intelligence collapses. you are no longer in the pond with the small fish, now you are in the big tank with the big fish, relating to a much bigger world (at least in italy, the difference between high school and university is abysmal) and your brain will do everything to maintain an accurate simulacrum of your self-image.

in fact, your brain spends less energy processing two pieces of information that agrees rather than disagreeing information and since our biology is based on self-preservation, your mind will do everything to preserve its rightness. when i started university i was incredibly afraid of taking my first exam, why? because i didn't want to find out that i wasn't good enough for a more advanced education, that i wasn't the straight A's student i thought i was.

but waiting for the fear to go away will lead to you staying in the same place forever, because the fear only goes away if you face what you are afraid of, and yes, being afraid of exams may seem silly, but i'm sure many people who follow this blog will understand what it means to identify so much with your grades and to crave academic validation more than anything else.

so i did it, even though i was scared, i had to have the certainty that this was the right place for me, i studied hard, and i definitely rocked my exams. but then the spring exam session arrived, and the fear returned. tired and burned-out from the winter session i had little or no desire to study, so when the exam date approached, i was afraid of not achieving the same results as just two months before, so i postponed, i procrastinated, until the day before, i knew i had to study otherwise i wouldn't pass the exam, yet my brain continued to do everything to protect itself, to protect that completely crazy idea of myself that i could study the entire program in two days (i wish). i don't even have social media (tumblr and pinterest excluded), which is why i found every excuse possible not to study. i didn't want to sit at my desk and realize that i wasn't going to pass that exam, that i should have studied harder, try harder.

that is until i realized that it wasn't laziness or procrastination that was stopping me, or rather, procrastination was just a symptom of a bigger cause: a distorted image of myself. understanding this in my first year of university will perhaps change my next academic years, or perhaps not. i don't know how many of you have drawn these things or reached these conclusions, i just hope that you soon understand that you are not lazy, nor procrastinators, you are just humans who are afraid of failure like all other humans.

the problem arises now, how to change this image? i don't know yet, honestly, but i won't let it stop me from living my life.

uptade in the end i was so fucking lucky and got a 30/30 on my exam yesterday, but still at the cost of a lot of sanity, sleep and unjustified stress.

[jenniferjareauwife]

Pretty Please

pairing: jennifer jareau x reader

category: fluff

warnings: slight innuendo

word count: 657

summary: all you want is a day of cuddles with your girlfriend which ends up with her coaxing you to sleep

As soon as JJ got home I pounced on top of her, wrapping my legs are her waist and my arms around her neck, almost knocking her off her feet. "Woah honey." She dropped her bags to support me. "What's gotten into you honey?" She laughed and kissed my jaw.

"I love you." I hid my face in her neck.

"I love you too baby." She smiled against my skin and walked into the bedroom, laying me down on the bed while standing between my legs. It was a funny position, making me laugh and blush. "What's so funny?"

"Nothing. Just looks like you're gonna..."

"Someone missed me a bit too much didn't she?" She laughed softly and ran her fingertips over my stomach, making me shiver. She bit her lip while looking down at me. "You're really sensitive."

"I want to cuddle." She hummed at my comment and raised her brows, getting on top of me to straddle me. "Please."

"Let me shower first ok? I'm stinky."

"I don't care if you're stinky I want to cuddle."

"Someone's getting a bit demanding." She giggled and rolled off of me.

"Please? Pretty please."

"Well since you said pretty please." I smiled widely and attached myself to her. She let out a small groan and wrapped her arms around me. "I've missed your hugs."

"I've missed your hugs too baby." She kissed my temple and I readjusted herself so I could lay on top of her. "Were you ok while I was gone? I know it's hard sometimes."

"Yeah I was ok. I would've appreciated more calls but-"

"Then I'll call you more next time." My heart warmed at her words and I just stayed quiet, listening to her heartbeat. "Y/n?"

"Yeah."

"I love you." She gently scratched my scalp with her fingertips. "I want you to know that. I really miss you when I go on cases and I really want to keep in touch with you as best as I can, you know? So that you don't miss me so much."

"I'm always gonna miss you." I admitted heavily. "I mean...I love you and you're away for weeks at a time and sometimes you're in different time zones so we can't get a hold of each other for a while." She nodded. "You're not going to be able to get me to stop missing you." I relaxed as she trailed her fingertips under my shirt and over the skin of my back lightly.

"Well is there anything I can do to make it better? Cause I hate getting calls from you at one in the morning because you can't sleep because your anxiety is keeping you up."

"Just...I like hugs and cuddles when you get back. Those make me feel a lot better, knowing I have something to look forward to." She nodded and took a deep breath. I turned my head and rested my chin on her chest, reaching for one of her hands. "You ok?"

"Yeah I'm ok. You?" I gave her a small nod and moved up her body so my face was buried in her neck.

We stayed there for hours, with me lying on top of her on the verge of falling asleep but waking myself up so I could enjoy the feeling of being in her arms. "You can fall asleep if you need to baby. I'm right here, I'm not going anywhere."

"Mm." I hummed in response. "I want to cuddle though."

"We are cuddling babe. And I'll be right here when you wake up." She stroked my hair and kissed my forehead. "Just fall asleep, ok? You haven't had good sleep in a while. I want you to get some rest."

"But-"

"Shh. No buts sweetheart. Get some rest. I'm not going anywhere."

"Mm. Ok." I wrapped my arms even tighter around her before letting myself drift off to sleep. "I love you."

"I love you more."

[mayhem-moth]

Adhd is still not a very accepted disorder guys. Neither is autism or anxiety or depression. The key thing is that society accepts you when you don't appear nuerodivergent or can pass it off just enough to appear "quirky". Or when its watered down a into consumable content for tiktok and media. I started doing well only when I could mask enough. Thats the truth. And masking is tiring. I feel very removed from myself sometimes.

Have enough panic attacks due to anxiety and people do not want to be around you and you are seen as a problem child. Adhd makes school harder? Oh you just don't care. Having to mask your emotions because people don't actually accept you when your difficult enough. It is so fucking tiring. And people look down on you too. And thats the worst. And its even worse with the stereotyping. Adhd is hard and it does affect. I need people to stop trying to tell me that I just need to try harder okay? I KNOW. IM TIRED OF FINDING CONTENT FOR ADHD THAT ACTUALLY AFFIRMS ME AND MAKES ME FEEL LIKE LESS OF A FAILURE ONLY TO HAVE ONE OF THE FIRST COMMENTS BE SHIT LIKE " OH EVERYONE FEELS LIKE THAT YOUR JUST LAZY". I DIDN'T CHOOSE TO BE THIS WAY. I HAVE SO MUCH I WANT TO DO AND I KNOW IM LETTING PEOPLE DOWN OKAY? Im tired of walking around and having shame build up throughout the day because of every little thing I couldn't bring myself to do or just forgot. And i need people to know that it is still a struggle and that people won't accept these things when it actually affects you or others. The fact is that every single one of us is treated bad in different infinitely complicated ways and nobody needs to bring down the struggles with these disorders to get theirs taken seriously. Cause none of any of this is okay and we should all be working together.

Btw I do not have autism and cannot speak for autistic experiences

[silly-circus]

pookie your persona is so freakin cute. Like the little hat around her head?? I wish i could have a persona that literally wasnt demon like goth

but like with penny its so much cuter😭

Thank you so much ^^! I was actually working on this piece recently to change up just a few things and make another version as well so yippie! I also have a big project in the works that I’ll be releasing some info about later!

I’m also going to go ahead and kinda explain the design choices I made when coming up with my clownsona below <3

When I first designed Silly String, she didn’t look….anything like this. I was really going off of a vibe that was opposite of Pennywise and I wasn’t really focusing about the other things I like that make me up as a person. So her first design was,,,shit honestly because it didn’t feel like me when looking at her. So when redesigning I took into consideration the other things I like and then something that would contrast Penny! Stars are my favorite so that was definitely one of the first things I considered as I was designing her suit! I also tend to like things that many could view as childish or immature for my age, so i wanted to incorporate a color palette that screamed childlike wonder or something of the sorts to represent kinda my connection to younger me and that I really haven’t changed much interest-wise! My favorite color is actually blue, so originally her main color was going to be that, but I decided to make it a lesser color so say “hey! This is one of the things that make me, me!” so silly string is literally all different parts of me represented in her design! And I chose a clown because clowns are a big part of who I am. I collect them, I love everything about them, and I even dress up as silly sometimes teehee. I also love horror a lot but that part of me really isn’t represented in silly herself, but with Pennywise since he’s my favorite character!

So drawing them together all of the time(like seriously, it’s usually the only thing I draw) is really just me drawing all of my favorite things and my personality into one piece! Drawing them together is my outlet from the stress and anxiety I struggle with and really it feels like I’m being myself. Even though some days I struggle to draw them, not really correctly but in a way I like and somewhat consistently, I still enjoy trying nonetheless(if I could actually draw and animate all of the things of them i make in my head y’all would be cooked /j)

It’s why I really appreciate all the nice comments about Silly and Penny, because to get so much love on something I felt so stupid and embarrassed for, it just makes me really happy that it’s hard to put into words. I’m actually considering making a tik tok just for them when I gather up some more courage so I can start sharing them on more media other than tumblr. The continued support I’ve been getting from everyone has really been helping me gather up that courage and all of you guys are really awesome and I hope to become closer to you all as time moves along! :o]

Thank you everyone again I feel like I don’t say it/show it enough 😭🎈

Also fun fact the stars on her hat jingle! They sound exactly like a very certain vintage clown doll, I think made by Douglas?? Almost like wind chimes! I wish I knew how to work tumblr so I could share an audio of it shsjrhbdb

[ms-wwe]

CHAPTER 2 (Pt. 2) DAMIAN PRIEST X OC (RIGHTEOUS DESIRES: LOVE AND REDEMPTION IN THE RING)

“I know you were very reluctant to do this” She begins. “And I am so thankful that you chose to trust me to do this. As I’ve told you over the phone, hearing a small portion of your story was so compelling, and I feel that you deserve the chance to tell your truth in its entirety. With that being said, please do not hesitate to decline to comment, or to completely end the interview. I can only imagine how difficult this may be for you, and I want you to know it’s totally fine to stop and revisit, that’s why I allotted at least 3 interview days to meet in case you needed time to process or to just give your emotions a break” She tells me in her warm tone. Truth be told, I was thankful for the reassurance. I knew I trusted her, and that she wouldn’t pry for information I may not be ready to share. “ I really appreciate that” I say as I look down at my mug, trying to hold back the tears I feel swelling in my eyes. “I’m going to start my recorder now, are you ready?” She asks while holding the small recorder in her left hand. I sigh and nod in response. This was it, this was happening, and there wasn’t a damn thing I could do about it. “Where do you want me to start?” I ask her. “Let’s start from the beginning” I pull my right leg into my small chair, hugging my knee close to my torso, hoping it’ll bring me back down to earth and make my heart stop attempting to escape my chest. “I started in the WWE when I was sixteen” I say flatly. Cassie shakes her head with a small giggle. “No honey, I mean the very beginning. Start with your childhood. I want to go back to the very start of you, I want to know every facet there is of you. I want to know about Riot, not just Riot Hardy the wrestler, but Riot the woman.” She says in a reassuring tone. I close my eyes and take in a slow breath. I could do this, I owed it to myself to do this. I just needed to think of this as a casual conversation with someone. “My name is Riot Hardy, I’m a Virgo, my middle name is Elizabeth, I drink mass amounts of caffeine, I recently moved Orlando to be with my boyfriend Luis, Or Damian Priest if you know him by his ring name, we’ve been together officially since April of this year, I just turned thirty-four, my birthday is the day before my dad’s, and I’m not gonna lie, I miss living in small town North Carolina” I spill out like I’m gasping for air. Cassie is writing down notes as she speaks. “Tell me a little bit about your dads, I’m interested to know more about what the dynamic was like growing up” I smile as I think of my dads and what the early years of my life were like, how it felt being a small girl raised by three men, sometimes I felt it was a miracle I didn’t turn out to be gay. “We had an interesting dynamic in this house for sure” I say with a smile. “My dad had me when he was only sixteen. My mother wasn’t in the picture ever. She was significantly older when she was fooling around with my dad, she already had two other children that she’d given up for adoption, why she chose to give me to my dad, I have no idea, but I’m thankful everyday. In my really early years my grandfather took on more of the fatherly role around here. My dads were already chasing their wrestling dreams hard and heavy even back then, so my grandfather did his best to help my dad manage being a father and achieving his goals.” I continue as I sip my coffee. “Your grandfather sounds like a wonderful man. Was your grandmother involved? You’re quite close with your uncle, what was it like with him growing up?” She asks as she scribbles more notes down on the pages of her notebook. “My grandfather was the most selfless person you’d ever meet. He passed a few years ago and I don’t think I’ve fully recovered from that” I trail off as the heartache of my grandfather being gone sets in all over again.

[tricksterringmaster]

another long very chaotic personal rant, getting it out there (again, i know, i absolutely hate myself too for it, no one really needs to read it, but i just feel better having it posted)

i hate so much when there is THE ARTIST in fandom. a big figure whose art become the face of characters, the face of the ship and everything.

there are ofc always big and small artists, but it's just so fucking overwhelming to see these particular people. especially when they grow out of nowhere in several months, achieving results you can only dream of and for which you will probably never have enough time, talent and what not.

i tried so hard and got so far but in the end it doesn't even matter or whatever linking park said.

sometimes i just want to get a little lucky at least fucking once instead of contantly grinding, living on 4 hours of sleep and moving like a fucking turtle in everything, no matter how much time i spend and how hard i try.

i want to be praised on these fucking discord servers without dragging my art all over the place like a seller person on the market. i want someone to use my art in their stupid slideshow on tiktok. i want them to get it and post it as illustration for some quote they liked on twitter. hell, i don't care, steal it, sell it, say it yours. for me it just means you love it so much, with my paranoia i won't be able to make money from my art anyway in this fucking country.

i want to feel like what i do makes sense and worth it in the end.

would be nice to feel like that about things irl too, but it seems even more impossible, because i'm absolute failure of a person.

i know i need to be happy and grateful about what i have, i need to compare myself to my past self, but it's just not what i feel at all. my past self had quite some moments of being better than me now, even if this self wasn't aware of it in these particular moments.

life feels so fucking unfair, and i feel jealous, angry, petty, overwhelemed, miserable and "i should stop sleeping at all, take 100 courses to get better, do 1000 tutorials, do more sport, eat even less, do better, better, better NOW" about it. and stop fucking crying, because it's petty and no one needs it.

i also feel so fucking guilty about being happy about occasional nice comments and words only for a moment, instead of focusing on them for longer times, i can't fight these dread and anxiety of feeling insignificant forever. these days it's worthy throwing a party if someone decided to say something nice, but i feel happy for a day and then get back to feeling like shit.

i also feel guilty for wanting these things when i know people who have it even worse. but just knowing that someone had it worse is perspective, not particularly a better feeling. i feel bad we all have it so bad. i'd prefer us all to succeed and achieve what we want. find communities, find love, find appreciation. and be fucking happy, be content, not on the constant "happy for a moment and then dread-dread-dread" rollecoaster that never fucking stops.

all i see is not the light at the end of the tonnel, but the tonnel at the end of the light and it gets closer and closer, darker and darker every other week.

i know that i'm annoying and talk about feeling bad often these days, but it just how it is. sometimes you are a mess and you have to live through it, hoping it all will end one way or another.

i'll talk with my therapist about it, but my next session is only on friday, so here is some extremely chaotic self-reflection. i need to survive this thursday and part of friday to get there and somehow work in process. there is a prospect of losing a job now, but no one knows anything, haha. sometimes it feels that good news are out of stock at all.

[bogkeep]

it was always a strange dichotomy. every middle school classmate i had told me i'd be a millionaire when i grew up, a Famouse Artisté. it's easy enough to imagine as a teen, i suppose: skill equals fame equals money. i was doubtful about this prophecy, not because i wasn't confident in my ability to draw, but because it was hard to imagine a world where i'd be paid for it.

it was an ice breaker game at summer camp. horrible one, really - everyone in a group were given a character profile. now we had to imagine that it was the zombie apocalypse, and the helicopter to safety was two seats short and we had argue why we deserved a spot. the character i got was an asshole doctor of some kind. i don't remember if i argued my way into the helicopter or not, but i do remember the feeling that's been hanging over me my entire life - if the apocalypse happens right now, i have nothing to contribute.

there's something really painful about it. i have cultivated a skill for my whole life, i can make art and tell stories that are entirely unique to me, there is no way to get someone else to create in the exact same way i can, and yet - i've contributed more to capitalist society by sitting in an empty hotel reception for eight hours a day.

which made me develop anxiety, to boot.

i illustrated two children's books. they're some of my best work. the contract i signed was industry standard and the indie author who had hired me was incredibly kind... but even after stock sold out i had earnt little more than some pocket change.

in high school we had an outing to dig our own snow caves that we would spend the night in. in teams, thankfully. i have so little physical strength to speak of, most i could do to help was clear away the snow rubble and toss it outside. i know, i know, my classmates reassured me it was an important job to do, i was an invaluable member of the group, sure - but it's that feeling, you know?

what would my task be in the communist solarpunk commune?

a person cannot be useless. it's a human being. they just exist, no ifs and buts about it. one can only be useless in the eyes of an ableist, capitalist society that sees no value in being alive beyond production and profit.

sometimes i receive messages from internet strangers to tell me something i said - often several years ago - was helpful to them. maybe it was a throwaway comment on a forum. maybe it was replying to a question they could've googled the answer to. maybe it was an encouraging reply to someone's artwork. turns out it mattered to someone. huh.

of course you can learn new skills. i have learnt plenty over the years! i have also learnt that there are limitations to what i can do. that some of the obstacles i face are not in fact obstacles everyone faces. it's not that i can't break tasks into smaller steps, it's more that half of those steps are going to be "rinse your hands because you Touched a Thing and now you're going to have to touch Another Thing." i wonder if that's adding to my cognitive load or something.

i was never raised to be a man, so by all accounts i do not understand why i'm so haunted by the spectre of toxic masculinity - what would i do if i was a medieval peasant and a war broke out? what if i was in a pre-historic hunter gatherer society and i was expected to hunt? what if i was a humble farm boy discovering the sword of the chosen one and the world depended on my non-existing courage to face certain death?

look, it's stupid. these are not scenarios i will find myself in. besides, pre-historic humans depended on community and taking care of each other. that's how we survive.

i'm not useless and i decided to make peace with being useless anyway.

we're surrounded by digital clocks. we can't really escape them. do we need watchmakers? would they save me a spot in the zombie apocalypse helicopter? no, don't answer that. i'm just happy i found something that requires a light touch and an observant eye.

[mecachrome]

What is the hype around jendo? I am trying to do research but I feel like they barely had any interactions?? Especially recently? Is there a primer or something cause I totally want to try to get into them!

OMGGGG well i wouldn't call myself a jendo expert or anything but i can briefly tell you why i like them!!! also soz for late reply 😭

tbh the very first thing that converted me was watching this interview forever ago because i remember being deeply intrigued by lando's demeanor + relative shyness + how hard he tried overall to appear Respectable and Mature in front of jense while answering his questions??? like the way jenson smiles at him during "are you happy?" "UMMM... kind of" wtheck T__T

jendo honestly have a lot of lore though! again i am not an expert but @cuthechicane has so many fantastic clips and gifsets if you're looking for interax that will rewire your brain chemistry ☝️ (the sheer giddinesssss of their miami interview 😭 also this is a classic moment). part of their thing is that they're both "somerset boys" (lando grew up in glastonbury / jenson is from frome) so that connection also kind of adds an extra layer to jenson having raced for mclaren / lando looking up to him and the general hero worship or cyclical nature of f1 that is palpable in their dynamic and a lot of other f1 agediff ships. ofc rossi was lando's real hero but... you know jenson is jenson

really though i think what i like most about jendo is how much jenson genuinely ADORES lando lmfao like their dynamic is so ridiculous but in a really absurdly sincere way!!! ofc it's super fun to go all in on the rancid age gap power imbalance vibes etc. and the way they flirt in public and fluster each other but jenson 100% RATES lando and hypes him up constantly to the point that it's almost embarrassing negl. lichr him going all in on lando like 4 hours ago... what's craziest to me is that he sincerely believes everyone else loves lando too like his brain can't comprehend the mere concept of someone not being obsessed with his favorite little british twink 😭 he's those innocent guys on reddit who still post comments like "lando is so nice it's impossible to hate him!!!" as if we're still in 2019 or something...... i want to live in that world

imo there's also an aspect to jendo where it's like...? jenson sees so much of himself in lando to the point of having preconceptions about lando's mentality that he projects onto him a bit which i think adds dimension to jenson's vulnerability but that goes into way more my own Meta and isn't really relevant to this post. but part of jenson's personality is that he is very charismatic and a natural speaker and also Usually Right so he loves to SAY shit and although he's not quite a nico-level professional shit stirrer he does kind of um... always speak like he knows something you don't. as evidenced by his time as lewis's teammate wherein he won the idgaf war by not acknowledging it going on in the first place. this is also why he and oscar should banter more because i feel like the comparisons between oscar and jenson are honestly so apt HLSDFH i have a jenson/oscar/lando post if that is of any interest

ok sorry i'm getting off-track but >>>all of that to me is why jendo is fun... jenson presents as very self-assured but if you do a psyche deep dive you realize he was quite sensitive growing up and Personally Victimized by briatore and has been quite open about his anxiety and the way f1 culture functioned at the time, and he's always been quite emotionally regulated but obviously there was... also a lot of glamour that accompanied that until later in his career LOL. so getting to explore those sides of him with a 20-something lando who very much mirrors him (self-reflective and sometimes overly critical and learning to live the "highly committed and industrious playboy" life) but also makes his façade crack in ways you don't often see is so fun & fascinating...!!! imo you can take them in a lot of different directions as a ship :3c

^ bonus bits i like from his book

[drdemonprince]

Just wanted to share another experience of hyper empathy side but more from personal life. I live in a household of 4 people (counting me) who have audhd, anxiety, depression, ptsd and hyperempathy towards each other. When I tell you, it's literal HELL sometimes trying to handle any crisis or mental breakdown happening because sometimes we get stuck in a loop of hyperempathy if we don't control it well enough. And we absolutely have to control it very well to survive and support each other, especially through our complex ptsd and poverty. There's many times when I wish I could just nOT have hyperempathy so I could just help my family the most effectively and wish others wouldn't have it too, whenever I get into s*icidal states etc. It's hard but we're making progress thanks to constant open communication.

Thank you for sharing this anon! It may sound paradoxical, but i tend to experience intense distress when someone I'm very close to and living with is distressed. Since I cannot feel other people's feelings but I also experience overwhelming attachment insecurity, I tend to attempt to maintain closeness with partners and such by becoming incredibly codependent with them, scanning their every behavior for signs of unhappiness with me, and bending over backward to anticipate their needs. It can make them feel emotionally surveiled and manipulated into putting on a positive or neutral face at all times, if I don't watch myself for it, and it also means that when someone I live with feels genuinely unhappy, I can have meltdowns about it and make everything worse. i've learned to keep this tendency far more in check in the last couple of years and with the right partners/living mates I can communicate about my insecurities and ask up-front questions about what they are actually feeling rather than projecting worst-case scenarios of my own, and I've practiced taking a distance when another person is in a distressed state so I can gather my thoughts, process my own reactions without burdening them with them, and then take action that helps.

but it is hard and i hate it!! So i can relate a bit to what you have described, though it doesn't tend to happen so acutely with friends unless I specifically think they are unhappy *with me*, in which case it can still be a bit of a shit show internally. But, as many commenters so far have observed, feeling guilty and shitty and wanting to make someone feel better does not help matters at all, and can often worsen it. What helps is controlling my reactions a bit so that I have not unduly centered myself, and then taking the action that I know will actually help (or figuring out what will).

[caffeinewitchcraft]

This is maybe the weirdest question I could ask but - do you have any advice for a writer who wants to do stuff like answer writing prompts but keeps getting caught up in being too anxious to share them?

This ties in so well to my last answer! I was kicking myself for not saying this:

1)Have an opinion on your writing before you post.

2) Trust that, eventually, the right audience will find you.

3) Post and run if you have to

First, “have an opinion on your writing.” Don’t look online for people to tell you if your writing is good or bad. You don’t know who they are! You don’t know their experience! You don’t know if they really read enough of your work to comment!

A lot of anxiety comes from worrying about what other people will think. That’s totally normal! It’s so normal that it never really goes away. Here’s how I combat it!

Before you post online, write down what you like about your story. I usually write three things. “This character was well done, this dialogue sounds good, I like the theme.”

Then write one thing you wish was better about your story. Don’t fix it! The purpose it to acknowledge that your story, no matter how good, has flaws. Even if you don’t ask for it, people will critique your work. You don’t need to take their critiques, but you need to be okay that they have them.

When someone points out a problem in my story, I look at the flaw I picked out. Sometimes they match and I know what I need to work on next! Other times they don’t and I get to say, “Hm, I don’t know if I agree with this person, but I’m working on [this flaw] next anyway.”

If someone says something negative about your story DO NOT GO AND REREAD YOUR STORY RIGHT AWAY. I can’t repeat this enough! If someone says something not constructive about your work and you go back to look for what they’re talking about you will find it even if it’s not there!

Instead, go back to the three things you like that you wrote down. Ask yourself, “even if this person is right and there is an issue, do these good things outweigh that one bad thing?”

The answer is YES.

Second, “trust that the right audience will find you.”

This one is so hard! But think of it like this - some people only read one genre. They only read scifi and they think historical fiction is pointless. If you write historical fiction they aren’t going to give your work a chance!

Your writing is its own genre. The people who appreciate it will find you eventually.

Doing prompt fills is the perfect way to find them faster! Prompts tell the reader exactly what your story is going to be about and gets them engaged.

Third, “post and run if you have to.”

Sharing your writing is scary! But that fear will hold you back from the even better things you’ll write in the future. It’s preventing you from finding an audience and from meeting like-minded people.

Post the story and then log off. Set a timer for the next day or even the day after that. Refer to your list of good things about your work. Think about why you liked it and why you wrote it.

Take however long you need to remind yourself that you liked it! Then when you’re feeling a bit better, go ahead and check what people might have to say.

Also, not related to the ask, but reblog your work! You wrote a whole story and you should be so, so proud! People will want to see it but can’t find it on their dash. Reblog!

[gatitties]

Hai hai!!! I hope your having a good day, lad.

Can I have a StrawHats x Teen! Reader who suffers from Anxiety? the reader is strong for their age though but under all that tough exterior they are still a child. I suffer from it myself and I wanna know how the crew handles a younger person with it. The reader has a habit of clutching their chest whenever they feel that overwhelming feeling coming through, and even has anxiety attacks now and then. It would be sweet seeing the crew comforting them.

Pleaaase and Thank you! Take your time I know people have other things going on in life besides Tumblr!

─Strawhats x teen!reader (platonic)

─Summary: you have an anxiety attack but luckily they are there to cover your back

─Warnings: none

(Related part)

Dealing with anxiety is quite a struggle, I hope everything goes well for you friend, a big hug to all of you who also fight against it 🫂

─ Being the youngest only means that you will have a little more attention in case something happens to you, this doesn't mean that everyone doesn't knows that you are strong enough to fight your own battles, otherwise you would not be on board.

─ That's probably why at first you hid your little moments of anxiety as best you could, despite being the youngest, you wanted to see yourself as one of them, you don't need so much attention or seek anyone's approval to make your own decisions.

─ You were a teenager despite everything, a stubborn and proud one who doesn't accept the help of others so easily, although you learned to toughen your exterior, your interior was as soft as plasticine.

─ But bad habits never die, whenever you had stronger anxiety attacks unconsciously your hands were positioned on your chest, squeezing to try to make the feeling in the pit of your stomach disappear.

─ Robin and Chopper were the first to notice this when you were in some stressful situations, and they immediately knew that you weren't well, however you will lie so they don't worry.

─ Unfortunately, after the two of them noticed how sometimes your breathing stops out of nowhere, the anxiety attacks increased.

─ They began to subtly help you so that you wouldn't feel like they were helping you, your pride wouldn't allow it, if they noticed that you were starting to get anxious they would distract you by talking to you about anything or moving you to a quieter place.

─ But when it started to get worse, everyone noticed your mania when you felt anxious, except Luffy, he just thought that the food had made you sick.

─ Although when they explained it to him, he hit you on the nape for being an idiot, this man doesn't have a bit of tact, he scolded you for not trusting them covering your back, it's okay that you want to solve your problems on your own, but sometimes it's okay to ask for help.

─ And you collapsed after he told you that, Sanji hit Luffy for being so hard with his words and took you to the kitchen while preparing the meal, he asked you for help letting you do the simplest things to calm down.

─ The cook spoke much more calmly with you, you were able to release some of that pressure that oppressed your chest thanks to him.

─ After that, none of them seemed to behave differently, that is, if they helped you in a much more noticeable way when you had your attacks, but they didn't comment on anything, they simply helped you without asking anything, they knew that sometimes you can't get to talking in the middle of an attack.

─ Luffy will fight it off with hugs, Usopp will offer his hand for you to grab and squeeze, Chopper knows a lot of types of breaths to calm you down, Robin will pat you on the back, Nami will pat your head, Zoro will probably drag you into another quieter place (you end up lost), Sanji will probably kick the reason for your anxiety if he can, Brook will play something on his violin to relax your body, Franky will distract you with any of his new inventions and Jinbe will make you focus only in him to calm you down.

─ In general everyone knows that you will be fine on your own most of the time, but if you start to hold your chest it will be the sign to take action to give you a little hand, they did not make you feel weaker, you learned to better cope with anxiety by their side and luckily the attacks subsided a bit after that.

[betterthanu333]

⭐️ diary July/1/2024

Day 5:

I fucking hate myself. I binged like 3 days ago and couldn’t stop. Last time I’m doing it bc I wasted 4 days on being closer to my dream body and for what? My friend and I were joking about how we need someone to break up with us so we can glow up and drop the weight, and I was like that’s not gonna do anything for me bc I would hypothetically just binge myself into depression after a break up. But no, today I found my equivalent to a break up glow up.

I was out walking, and I passed by 2 hot college boys walking their dogs with their fathers which are kinda hot as well. I hated my self so much bc first of all, I passed by one of the boys before on a walk as well and he was good looking and I was wearing a fucking oversized twilight t-shirt. Never again. Oh but it did happen again because I today I saw him and 3 more hotties ( the other boy and the dads) in an oversized Nike t shirt. But I didn’t cafe about that, my hair was a mess and I looked beat. I was looking on the floor most of the time and then I just glanced up and I could swear I saw one of the boys like smile just a little bit. And I swear it was because they could sense my anxiety and embarrassment on how ass I looked. After that I hit my cheek so hard, I hated that I didn’t lose weight and even if I do, I do look as good as the skinny blond girls they probably fall for. It’s not that I hate the girls, I just wish I could look like them, and I’ve always wanted to have their bodies. I was a kid when I first felt that, & was like it’s fine I’m a kid. But I’m 18 now and there are girls younger than me who are prettier are are probably the same type those boys like. I’m barely keeping myself from crying right now bc what the actual fuck am I doing. Like it’s now or never, and I hate that when I’m on a grind with fasting/restricting and then my mom telling me to eat and just bugging me. When I have little to no food noise, she just brings it back when she throws a quick and small comment about when was the last time you ate?

Anyways, it’s day 1 for the last fucking time bc I’m crying right now because I hate how I look so much and just wish I can wake up and have my dream body but I know it’s not that easy. I hate that I see fashion inspo that I love but I know I can’t pull off because of my big thighs and loose fat arms. All I can do for now is walk because I’m not allowed to go to a gym. And the only work out I do is the blogilates arm workout but I feel like it’s not gonna work.

Please please please, I beg you, if you have any tips tell me! Especially concerning restricting or food, because sometimes I want food just to chew or have something in my mouth. Love you guys, and just know ur not the only one struggling with losing the weight but I swear we are gonna fucking do it I don’t care anymore it’s my only goal in life.