#I have an eating disorder. So I feel strongly about the way my body has been stigmatized in both medical spaces and the gay cultural lens.

[scarlet--wiccan]

Do you have any thoughts on Wanda being depicted as a plus size woman? I've seen art of her like that.

As a matter of, like, personal praxis, I think more characters should be fat, and I think that most characters could be fat if you wanted them to be. Broadly speaking, I think there needs to be more body diversity in comics-- the overwhelming majority of artists still only draw one stock body type for men, and one for women. I think that should change, and that means more plus-size characters.

My approach to character design is usually to match a character's body type to their powers and fighing style. Obviously, that involves a lot of generalizing, so it's not perfect, but I think it's a decent starting place because it discourages you from drawing everybody the same way. But my point is, for characters that have non-physical powers like a spellcaster, there's no logical reason for them to conform to the standard superhero build, and in fact they probably shouldn't look like that. So, I don't know if that was a weird of problematic way to frame this, but, yeah, I think more magic characters, specifically, should be fat.

Basically I think artists should think about these things more realistically AND ALSO just be more inclusive in their imagination.

This is very anecdotal and speculative, but I think there's a vague idea in a lot of people's minds that Wanda is on the curvier side because a lot of artists were drawing her that way for a while in the 2000s an early 2010s. And when I say "curvy," I mean curvy by superhero standards-- i.e., mostly just big boobs. So, if you want to know why I think fans draw her this way, that's all I got. There's nothing else I can really point to in the text.

Personally, and this is just my headcanon, I tend to imagine all of the Maximoffs with a very slim, angular, almost pointy look. That's partially because the Romani side of my family are all very petite so that's just where my brain goes, but I also think of Pietro and Tommy as being kinda lanky and wiry because they're runners with super-accelerated metabolisms. Wanda and Billy just follow suit in my imagination because... twins. I picture them both looking kinda like ballerinas. And I'm not saying that skinny representation is as important or whatever, but for male characters specifically, it's not nothing. And I'm saying that as someone who's been underweight for most of my life, and specifically was living as a gay man when I was at my thinnest.

[bambi-slxt]

Like i can’t even look at myself in the mirror im so disgusted by myself and ive tried not eating but i just can’t, sorry for everything outta of nowhere i js needed to vent and u are like the best person in this app lol

hi sweetheart. i saw your other anon and i felt like it would be better to respond to this one.

tw: eating disorder and body descriptions below the cut, proceed with caution

i've been there. like exactly where you are. i hate the way i look sometimes, and there are days where i feel so strongly that i need to apologize to everyone i see out in public because they also have to see me, and that has to ruin their day, because seeing myself has already ruined mine.

some days will be easier than others, that's simply the nature of being like us. i'm not going to promise you anything, or tell you that bullshit about how "every one is beautiful in their own way" - regardless of how you look, you have worth as a person, stunning or ugly or fat or skinny or athletic or lanky, it doesn't matter. if you're breathing, you deserve the same kindness, respect, and appreciation as everyone else.

don't try to quit eating. that will actually send your body into survival mode, meaning that when you break and end up binging because you're starving, your body will hold on to everything with a vice grip, because she doesn't know what a beauty standard is. she just wants to keep you alive.

she's doing her best, and i think it might be time for you to help her.

you can't hate your body into a shape that you love. it simply doesn't work that way. what you can do is eat when your tummy makes noises. drink more water. find a reason to go outside for five minutes every day and just sit - no phone, no book, just sit in the sun and breathe. i also suggest taking it one day at a time. your body will continue to change throughout your life - did you look like this at five years old? you most certainly did not, i'm confident you were much shorter :p

and you'll look much different at 47 as well. try to breathe, my sweet. the world is not so cruel as social media makes it out to be. please, go outside. the butterflies won't judge you, and neither will i.

[missjomarch]

It Used to be Different

Nico Hischier x reader

Warnings: body dysmorphia/insecurity, disordered eating (tiniest bit)

A/n: idk what this is, but I’m in my feels and slightly projecting so here we are. I’m too tired and it’s too late to edit it this but I want to post so sorry for the errors🫶

Nico Hischier doesn’t give two flying fucks about your weight.

You got together when you were both 21, and a lot has changed since then. Including your bodies. Nico doesn’t look the same as he did 3 years ago, having packed on plenty of muscle during his time in the NHL, and neither do you. Lately, you’ve become increasing aware of the relatively new changes to your body and can’t help but wonder when you began to let yourself go. It was nothing excessive, just a few extra pounds and maybe some new stretch marks here and there. But as a hockey girlfriend who’s always in the public eye, you were over analyzing everything. Nit-picking your appearance before the media could do it for you. You knew Nico would disappointed to hear your thoughts about yourself, but you couldn’t help it. You were busy, having just graduated college and in the middle of earning your masters degree, and had hardly any time to maintain a workout routine. And the “second puberty” you’d heard women talk about hitting in their mid-20s was no joke. Your body definitely didn’t bounce back like it used to after a night out at 21.

You had been upset over it for 2 weeks now, and Nico was beginning to notice. You weren’t eating as much and were quieter than normal. The first few days you were able to chalk it up to stress, but your boyfriend was becoming increasingly dissatisfied with that answer. You currently paced your shared room trying to picking your outfit for the game tonight. Nico watched from the bed as you grabbed item after item, throwing it on before taking it right back off and discarding it roughly. He knew you were indecisive, but it had never been this bad. And you had never particularly cared about your gameday outfits, caring more about the game than having the perfect red and black WAG attire. He watched intently as you continued your charade, slight confused as to why you would barely look into the mirror you stood in front of. The pieces began to click in Nico’s mind as he noticed the way your eyes caught on your figure in the mirror when you were in between tops, his heart breaking slightly as he noted the disgust in your eyes. He got up off the bed, slowly making his way over to you. You stood still now, staring at the mess you created on the floor as you sensed your lover’s movement behind you.

Nico reached to touch your arm cautiously, not wanting to startle you. When you didn’t react he moved to slide his arm around your waist, pulling you back against his bare chest.

“What’s wrong, love?” Nico questioned, his other hand came up to move your hair away from your neck. You still didn’t reply, not even as Nico began placing soft kisses to your shoulder. He lifted his hand to your cheek to turn your face to his, his brows turn downward in concern. “Baby?”

Your eyes glistened with tears as you finally turned your face to him. Nico’s heart shattered at the broken look on your face, and he wondered just how long you’d been suffering without him knowing.

“Do you…” you stuttered slightly, exhaling strongly to steady your nerves, “Do you still think I’m beautiful?” You lifted your eyes to meet his.

Nico gaped back at you, not understanding how you could ever think he saw you as less than perfect. He turned you around to face him and brought both hands up to rest on the sides of your face. His thumbs swiped quickly at the tears that had spilled.

“Baby, you’re still as perfect as the day I met you. More so, even.” He insisted, leaning to place a soft kiss on your forehead. Your hands gripped his wrists that framed your head.

“But I don’t look the same. I used to be so much smaller and-”

“I don’t look the same either, y/n. We were still kids when we got together. And over the past 3 years I’ve had the privilege of watching you grow into an incredibly strong, successful, and self-sufficient woman. And I’ve loved every second of it. I never thought you could get any more beautiful than when I first laid eyes on you, but boy did you prove me wrong,” Nico shook his head, still in slight disbelief. You leaned up to place a soft kiss to his lips.

“God I love you,” you mumbled into the kiss. You felt Nico’s lips curve into a slight smile.

“I love you more, but I wish you wouldn’t tear yourself down like this. I can’t stand to see you upset.”

“I know,” you agreed, “it’s just so hard.”

Nico sighed and pulled you into another kiss, this one more intense than the last. You pulled away, your breathing slightly labored. But Nico was immediately pulling you back in by your chin.

“Let me show you,” he mumbles.

“What?”

Nico pulls back just enough to look you in the eyes as he says, “let me show you how gorgeous you are.” All you can do is stare back at him, “okay?”

You nodded, unable to give any verbal confirmation as you wonder what he has planned. Soon you’re being scooped up and walked to the bed.

Nico worshipped you like never before, it felt like he spent hours on his knees before you. He must’ve kissed every inch of your skin at least twice, and he never let go of you as he proved to you just how beautiful he thinks you are.

[the---hermit]

A lovely festive card from a friend and random notes.

19|12|2023

I am back after being very ill again. This time I got the flu, and to make things worse my panic disorder kicked me once again and it was bad. I am starting to feel a bit better now, but I am still very weak and my stomach isn't at its best yet. I spent a couple of hellish days, and decided to skip class this week. I confident I will be fully recovered for Friday when I'll have to speak in the seminar, but until that day I am not leaving my house and I am taking things slowly. This of course means that my nice study plan is totally fucked. I am so beyond schedul and I am not in shape to get caught with it, so I will simply have to sit down and make a whole other plan. I am starting to slowly getting back into doing some work during the day, but I have not enough mental energy to power through the book I have to study. So this week I will try to stay productive as much as I can but minding what my body allows me to do. I will study less hours during the day, do lighter stuff, and stop whenever I feel like I need to lie down, or move around depending on what my body is asking me. This morning for example I got about an hourish of work done, I was very happy with myself but then I simply had to accept that I needed to lie down, and I did so. I am fighting with the guilt of not sticking to plans and feeling overwhelmed with everything I have to do, and I am trying my best. The other thing I am struggling with at the moment is food, not in a concerning way, but more in the sense that right now I feel like I lost the joy of eating and having a good meal and that is impacting my mood so bad. First a couple of weeks ago I went to the dentist and struggled so much with pain in my mouth for a while, and now due to my stomach being affected by the flu, eating has just become something I have to do and I despise feeling like this. I want to sit at my table and be happy about what I am going to eat, I want to look forward to my meals and I have yet to figure out how to get back there. Maybe I just have a bit of a scare since in the past two or three years I often had my anxiety and panic symptoms strongly linked to my stomach and I am now scared that I'll get back into that stupid place in which eating was anxiety inducing for me. I just hope that will get better soon and that I will be able to enjoy the amazing food my family will make during the holidays.

calm hobbit winter activities and productivity:

read first thing in the morning (I managed to read ten pages which is such a big win after these awful days)

wrote notes for the second chapeter of Nature, Human Nature and Human Difference by Justin Smith

updated my reading journal

started watching cabinet of curiosities (in the past few years I have been terrible at watching new series, but this morning when I had to lie down after studying I felt like watching something new could be a good way to keep my brain a bit active. I watched the first two episodes and loved the first one. The second one fell very flat for me but I am exctied to see more of it, it definitely has the gothic horror vibes I adore)

started reviewing my men theories and power practices notes and added a few additional informations here and there

practiced my presentation for Friday

📖: Bookshops and Bonedust by Travis Baldree

[camojacketfag]

what grounds you when you feel like you want to escape? what makes you feel like you’re not just surviving for once, you’re living in the moment?

alright. Fully being honest here man, I haven’t stopped thinking about your question and it’s proper response since you sent it. Its hard because OCD is responsible for so much of my disassociation and not a single therapist I have been to, of which there has been 5, has actually taught me or guided me through coping mechanisms to fully snap out of it and ground myself once more. In fact this last therapist I went to lasted the longest and in the end I’m just now coming around to how invalidating and hurtful she was the entire time. Fully fueled by radical pseudoscience and inexperience. On the one hand, it’s my fault for not seeing a specialist, but truthfully, I just don’t have the income for a specialist and if someone comes to you and takes the time to openly show their vulnerability, I find it baffling that you wouldn’t be passionately driven to open a textbook and do all that you can to help that individual out. You and I both know mental health isn’t a one size fits all kind of situation. The way I ground myself might completely not work for you whatsoever. Still, I hope you can takeaway something from my experience…

I’ve been dealing with OCD for 11 years now and at first it was all consuming. At first I strongly believed I was being punished by God. Funny how we regress to the metaphysical when we don’t understand what we’re dealing with. After doing years of research and dealing with it time and time again I finally had the confidence to believe that my trauma growing up led to my obsessive compulsive disorder. Still, it wracks and wreathes and begs to be listened to and interacted with, a full decade later, just the same. I know it’s just begging to feel safe. I know it cannot handle the uncertainties of life ahead, sometimes, most times, it feels like being tied to a wooden stake and being burnt alive. I tried for years to fight it man. I come from a family that’s very forthright and aggressive. Never fucking go down without a fight.

So naturally, I balled my fists and took my stance to fully fight the feelings and thoughts consuming me day after day. It would go away for small moments and speedily arise sometime later with the same determination and vigor ready to fight once more. After all those years, it takes a toll on you man. Soon you start wondering what the point is. Should I really be spending my whole life ready to destroy everything and everyone that stands in my way just for the sake of survival? Life soon starts losing its meaning and subtle brilliance. As I grew more and more tired I started realizing that growing up doesn’t mean you’re inherently cursed to follow the predisposed survival mechanisms your parents gave to you. In fact, most of my progression has been thanks to doing the complete opposite my parents ever instructed. What does surrender really mean? What does it imply about who it is I am? How would others feel knowing that the secret towards finally falling back into my own body meant I stopped putting up a fight? I surrendered man. I gave up. I gave in. How ever could we possibly put up a fight against the roaring tide of the ocean? How could we beat something that will continue pushing and fighting to no avail? When panic hits, when the world closes in, when my breathing feels manual and suffocating, when I slowly start feeling my body split into two, to absolve myself from the grandiose fear eating me alive, I just fucking give in man. Give in to it. Don’t react. Don’t spiral. Don’t fight. Let yourself bathe in its crimson sheen and believe it’s drowning you from the inside out. Moments like that used to last a lifetime for me. My first ever panic attack I had lasted 3 days. 3 fucking days man. My most recent one? 5 minutes. At best. No one ever talks about how time consuming panic and disassociation can be. I wish therapists weren’t so driven by the root cause of everything. I wish they understood that in asking for help I don’t want to analyze the things I’ve analyzed by my own self for years. I wish they were driven by present solutions. Acceptance in understanding that fear and chaos will never consume. All these things and more I’ve had to learn on my own accord. Everything I’ve understood about my obsessive compulsive disorder and trauma and adhd and anxiety has mostly been individually. About a year ago I remember sobbing when I finally realized life doesn’t have to be an endless game of survival. I could go out? I could have fun? Be present? Feel euphoric? All these things I was denying by consistently putting up an unnecessary fight towards things I will never be able to control man. I’m still mourning how hurtful my previous therapist was. I’m still healing. I still sometimes fall privy to entertaining my ocd when it strikes but I always come out. I always know its time is limited. More than ever it’s becoming less and less detrimental as I leave it be and allow it to possess me entirely. I wish my mother understood the beauty of surrendering and accepting and forgiving. Picking your battles is more than a mere expression. Never lose your determination man and know that while it may feel like captivity some moments, soon you will return, hopefully with as much passion and desire to live even more so than before. We both deserve to. Life is much more than trying to stay alive. Hope you’re being kind to yourself man. Sorry for the long ass answer but your question means a lot and you deserve a meaningful answer.

[amyriadofodd]

You know... I've been thinkin'..

Narcissists.

Narcissists have become such a hot topic in the last couple years. It's such a scary idea too think we have encountered one. A person that is characterized by an insatiable appetite for malice and spite, envy and vengefulness. Not that that I've provided an exhaustive definition of them, I am not an expert, if you're wondering. But I happen to be a person who has encountered individuals with a remarkable capacity for unsolicited meanness, and my observations are just as allowable as any.

I happen to be an empath that has learned the hard way that certain patterns should earn my distrust when it comes to other people. I am still eating the fruits of this lesson even now. A worthwhile meal, too, if I am honest. If i knew better, I would've done better at the start of adulthood. I did not, and so I had to learn what i should do. It's cost me years and years. I've gained the wisdom of an adventurous sage in my travels of ups and downs.

It's okay to say no to people that have demonstrated harmful intent. It's okay to not believe the words they say. I will not be further gaslight into believing that i am wrong for not doling out chance after chance. But what about the narcissist?

It may be surprising to know that narcissists are the ones mistreated in their "origin stories", if you will. The mind will develop ways to cope, sometimes long before we recognize the toxic behaviors that pull us through difficult times and harsh interactions.

Narcissism in some extreme cases is classified as a personality disorder, with real diagnostic criterion. Why is there no reprieve for such individuals in the mental health community? It seems that mental health providers would rather condemn and discard them, rather than continue to embrace and sufficiently care for the psychological needs of the people who may need it most. It is as if psychologists have grown tired of their duties, and would rather be our friendly neighborhood "Narc busters", alerting us of how to spot, and run away from, people showing signs of a valid disability.

To me, it feels like a celebration of failure to see so many experts join in on the narc bashing trend. Where are your answers for us? What help is there for my loved ones who struggle amidst their harmful tendencies? Or have you given up? Now is not the time to glory.

Maybe my burden of love for those who hurt me is the beginning of more research. I have been a consistent target of a number of bullies in my life, but I cannot be the only person unwilling to settle for less than a proper and empathetic solution for fellow mental health warriors, who have been counted causalities on the battlefield. There are people I love counted in that number.

After all, I have had my own share of mental health battles. And not small ones. Violent disruptions of my mental peace have plagued my life and checkered my past. I am not a sufferer of the malicious varieties, but nevertheless my issues have cost me a great deal and many delays in life. Even when I myself am confused on how to respond, i know that further stigma for the mentally ill is not what's truly best. Identifying the problem is a necessary start to the solution, not the end fo the search for one. And so, I have not been overcome, as long as there is breath in the body, all is not lost. There is ground to be regained. Where there is weakness, there is strength to be found. Where there are problems, there are solutions yet fulfilled. If it's possible for me, it's possible for anyone. I believe this strongly.

Narcissists need our help too. We cannot give them away to their pain and its overwhelming expressions. Our western approaches to mental health are just not sufficient. We cannot be content to leave any suffering person behind.

Dare to dig deeper, experts. Our narcissistic society is depending on you.

In the meantime, I will maneuver to the best of my ability. As long as we keep asking questions and thinking critically, the future is still bright.

--- The Musings of MilPickle

[mithliya]

I’m a very introverted tomboy. I isolated myself from people for years due to abuse and trauma but recently I befriended many beautiful hyper feminine women. Sad to say, it has put a bigger strain on my mental health than being isolated ever did. I deeply care for them and value our friendship but commentary about my looks, my body and my refusal to perform femininity have been made. Last week, my friend casually said something about my body and it hurt. These women are not to blame nor for my deep-seeded issues. Had I not had the trauma that I had, I most likely wouldn’t feel this way. So I am not here to demonize anyone apart from men of course.

But because I’ve internalized all that has been said I have an eating disorder now, I self harm, and I can’t help but cry every time I get ready to see them because the self-hatred is so intense. I’ve come to believe they’re is something wrong with me. And these comments aren’t malicious, some of them were and I am not longer in contact with those women. But what was said even the seemingly innocuous comments still held weight. I’ve come to see myself as a “failed woman.” Unloveable as I am.

Women who perform femininity to such a high degree often can’t grasp why other women don’t wish to do the same. They see it as a short-coming. We look this way because we’re not putting effort into our appearance. And if we’re not putting effort into our looks we must not value the friendship. You spent hours getting ready to see me for our hang out, and here I am with my bear face and plain clothing like I just “rolled out of bed” because you must not be worth my time. That I must’ve had better things to do than spent hours looking my best for you in. I feel pressured into pretending to be something I’m not. Spending money I don’t have on things I don’t need or want so I can be a “proper” woman. But I still fail each time. I was alone for so long because I felt unworthy of love. And now I feel that I simply can not be loved the way I am.

anon, you don’t need to tolerate such people and take such skewed ways of thinking. there is nothing wrong with not being feminine and if those women cannot respect that their friend does not want to spend hours performing beauty rituals and will shame you for it by making it seem like it’s a show of “care” then that’s on them. you’re not somehow a bad person for not wasting your time the way they’re wasting theirs. it’s their choice how they spend their time but they shouldn’t be trying to guilt trip you into also wasting your own time as some twisted proof of “caring” for them.

this friendship is clearly harming your mental health. i strongly advise you to either tell them to quit it with those comments as they are causing you harm & insecurity, or to cut them off entirely. no friendship is worth your self-esteem.

[findingmypeace]

So much happened today but about 15 minutes ago my Mom texted me. She said she loved me and that she always has and always will. I’m trying not to cry. I don’t know what to think or if I should even respond. I’m not going to respond tonight because I have to be up at 5am for a floor shift and I need to get to sleep. But I miss my Mom so much. Yesterday at urgent care I just wanted to talk to her in kind of an ‘I want my Mom’ sort of way. But the last time I talked to my Mom about my health (over the summer) as soon as I finished telling her what was going on she ended the conversation. She said, “I’ll let you go now.” and then hung up. It was in direct contrast to the very same conversation with LS. That made it even more hurtful. But now she’s saying she loves me. I miss her so much. I want to talk to her so bad. But I can’t. I don’t think I could handle it right now.

I’m going to bullet points for the rest since there’s so much.

*Nobody seems to be able to figure out what is going on with my breathing but I have an inhaler now and that seems to be helping. I have an in person appointment scheduled with my pcp tomorrow.

*I am experiencing a lot of random symptoms in addition to the difficulty breathing and dizziness. The dizziness seems to be getting worse. So is the fatigue. And I’m starting to feel some numbness but that’s only periodically and quickly goes away. I have a floor shift tomorrow followed by babysitting the kids I used to nanny. I’m really not sure how I’m going to make it through the day when I feel so tired.

*It’s been suggested by pretty much everyone except my pcp that this might be related to stress and anxiety. LS thinks I might be hyperventilating. It’s definitely a possibility. I know stress can be stored in the body. And while I don’t feel particularly anxious right now (I’m feeling more stress and depression) I know sometimes anxiety can be unconscious. And the amount of stress I have going on is so intense. It is definitely a possibility that everything could be manifesting physically.

*I had therapy today and she’s very concerned about the amount of b/ping that’s going on. And she strongly encouraged me to schedule an appointment with a dietitian so now I’m scheduled for an intake on Thursday. If I’m completely honest I’m kind of regretting starting with a therapist that specializes in eating disorders. My ed brain is saying “Why is this a big deal!? I’m fine! Can we just drop it and talk about other things. There’s more important things going on.” and I don’t want to see a dietitian. But whatever. As long as no one is pushing a HLOC I’ll continue to engage.

Okay, I need to get to sleep since I have to be awake so early tomorrow! Goodnight!

[julia-hollenberg]

Have You Tried Setting Boundaries For Yourself?

So let’s talk about the bigger picture of what we are actually doing in food and body therapy for healing relationship to food and body, including eating disorder recovery. So as dietitians, right, myself and the two other providers in my practice, we are trained to work with people on food and nutrition. And yet that is such, that is a small piece of the pie, actually, when we are looking at healing relationship to food and body, because what we are actually talking about is our relationship to nourishment.

So when a person has an eating disorder or any form of disordered eating, there’s the overt expression of having some imbalance in taking in the physical nourishment of food. And yet this is usually a flag. It’s a sign of a deeper pattern of challenge, of taking in nourishment. And when I say nourishment, I am referring to nourishment holistically, right? So there are things that we need to nourish our physical bodies.

Yes, enough food and nourishing food, enough water, enough rest, movement that feels good, ways of de stressing. But then what we also need, and more importantly, actually is emotional nourishment and relational nourishment. Relational nourishment is a sense of connection, right? Safe connection, safe and secure connection with another that lets us know, oh, I’m here, I matter. It’s okay to be here as I am. It’s okay to take up space, it’s okay to use my voice.

And when we feel that sense of solidity and affirmation of the self, and that the self that we inhabit is good and wanted and worthy, it paves the way, right. We can open up to take in nourishment for this body, mind and spirit. But if there is some essential wound to that sense of the right to be here, the right to exist, or some wound to the sense of some wound to essential needs, meaning that a young person does not get the message that their needs are worthy of being met, or that they will be met if they’re asked.

So all of these things can create an essential wounding that disrupts our ability to take in nourishment. So when a person enters the healing space, right, with me or one of the other providers in my practice, to look at their relationship to food and body, what we are examining is this larger picture, this larger inquiry of relationship to nourishment. And that’s one reason why we believe so strongly that the relationship between client and therapist is so important, because that sense of that relationship becomes a really important part of the healing.

Contact Us

[sillygirlblogging]

august 24, 2024

wow i completely forgot about this little diary blog...

(TW: pregnancy, abortion, eating disorder, mentions of weight gain and weight loss, depression)

i'm back. a lot has changed since my last entry. i'll start small. i reconnected with the best friend i had fallen out with and we are better than ever. well, sort of. i'm kind of four states away because the next biggest thing is that i moved back home. i was dreading it but it's been better in some ways than i thought it would be. my dad is still my dad, possibly worse, but i'm doing what i can to secure my future. which leads to the next thing, i started school again. it's been going alright. it's a little hard to stay productive with everything else going on in my life right now but i think that once school starts for everyone else it will be a lot easier to stay on task.

now for the big big thing. in the end of july last year, two months after i started this blog, i found out that i was pregnant. i was heart broken and thought my life was seriously over. after talking with my mom, who said that she would be by my side no matter what i chose to do but that she would help me make it work if i wanted to keep the baby, i felt strongly compelled to keep the baby and start my family. the father does not know, nor do many other people because i don't want him to. he was heavily pressuring me and harassing me to get me to have an abortion, despite the fact that i told him if i kept the baby i could do it on my own(really i preferred that) and that i didn't want anything from him.

she was born in march and she's the most beautiful little thing in existence. i can't believe there was life before her. but, as you can imagine, my life has changed drastically since that all occurred. i went through the absolute pits of hell. i've never really had bad acne before and my skin broke out so bad i would cry when i looked at myself. i genuinely couldn't see anything but my acne. and there was nothing i could do, nothing worked. i just felt so ugly.

i also really struggled with gaining weight. i had previously kept myself thinner through a long term eating disorder and exercise and i couldn't do either of those anymore. skipping a meal felt like i was already failing my unborn child and my lung capacity was diminished very quickly so i had a very hard time working out. the only activity i could do was go on walks, which i did do somewhat regularly. i gained a lot of weight. i think a lot of it had to do with eating 3 or more meals a day after being on a caloric deficit for about 6 years. my metabolism had definitely slowed. i won't name pounds, but think the weight of an entire toddler. of course some of that weight was the baby, placenta, extra fluids, etc, etc. but when i gave birth, i stepped on the scale about a week later out of curiosity and i had lost less than the birth weight of my daughter.

it feels so pathetic to feel so bad about your body when it's done something so amazing. my body is amazing. but it doesn't feel like it when i look at myself in the mirror and thing about the body that i used to have. i think about the meals i skipped and the hours at the gym to finally get close to the body i had been dreaming and hoping and crying for, and then it was so far out of reach again. it's so frustrating. but now i think maybe it was a good chance to start over. do things the right way. i want to be healthy, i want my lifestyle to be sustainable.

i did start to lose a few pounds here and there after giving birth but it wasn't even close to how fast i thought it would be coming off. and then i was at a standstill. and i didn't know what to do. i had to keep eating because i need to produce milk. but not eating was the only way i knew how to lose weight.

i've learned a lot now about where i was going wrong in my approach to "health" and losing weight before. i knew that what i was doing wasn't healthy but i honestly thought that there was no other way i was going to lose it. information about how to lose weight healthily really should be more readily available. i know why it's not though. there are just too many people benefitting off the fact that it's hard to find good information.

i'm going to share what i THINK are some good tips though. i truly know nothing though so please take this with a grain of salt. and i'm only sharing this because, well no one will read this anyways, but also because i truly think it can only help people, not hurt.

i've been focusing on speeding up my metabolism. your fuel determines how active your body will allow you to be, so it's a good place to start. to speed up my metabolism i'm doing a couple different things:

i've started intermittent fasting, which means i only eat during a certain window of the day (mine right now is 10 am to 8pm because that's what fits into my current needs and lifestyle right now, ideally i would like to make my window smaller when i'm done breastfeeding). not only do i feel the need to snack less, but also there's some science i can't explain that has to do with digestion and fat burning when you have a set period of time where you do not eat. i really do believe in this.

i consume a lot more protein than previously. my favorite sources of protein right now:

eggs- hard boiled with whole wheat toast always hits the spot for me. whole wheat is a complex carb which is good for many things but in this case, i'm using it to help absorb the protein in the eggs. if you google the pioneer woman (i know she sucks sorry) perfect hard boiled egg recipe, it gets them perfect every time and makes them so easy to peel and eat.

premier protein shakes- i like these because even though they're processed, they aren't too disgusting and they have a good protein to sugar ratio. i try to avoid sugar as much as i can (i much prefer it to high fructose corn syrup though). adding some ice and a shot of instant cafe bustelo espresso improves the taste by 100 points and i can tell myself i'm just having a sweet girly little iced latte.

salmon- if you have an air fryer and you aren't making salmon, you are missing out. brown sugar, garlic, soy sauce, salt, pepper, avocado oil, and pop it into the air fryer and then eat with rice. it's so good. and you're getting some omega 3s which is really important. if you wanna get fancy with it, add some avocado, nori, kewpie mayo, and siracha and you've got an influencer-style sushi bowl. yummmm

i've also put in some effort to not be so sedentary. it's hard because i'm a single mom and a college student so i have no time and when i do have time i'm tired or i want to work on my hobbies. but even just getting out of bed at night before i go to sleep and doing a 5 minute workout video, i feel like i've checked that box for the day.

that's pretty much all for now. i'm super exhausted and i need to do a little yoga before bed. namaste and goodnight void.

[renniferno]

i am not my body

being this weird. meeting of so many disabilities and being queer on top of it has done some really fucky things to my identity and concept of self.

My thoughts on what makes someone who they are as an identity is that it's all choice. You are who you CHOOSE to be. You decide if you like or dislike something, from things as simple to taste in music, all the way up to where you stand on global current events. (I'm not getting into any of that right now, that is not the point of this post.)

Like, who I am in as much as who I have decided to be is someone that tries really hard to make a positive impact on the lives around me. I try to compliment people if I see something worth complimenting, like an outfit or makeup or how they've done their hair. I try to smile when I accidentally meet eyes with a stranger. I try, very hard actually, to be a force of what I perceive as 'good' in the world.

Take that, and wrap it up in also all the choices that make up taking care of myself. I want to be able to have a positive impact on the lives around me, and to do that, I have to be a minimal type of functional. I need to eat or my body breaks down. I need a social life or my mind breaks down, etc etc.

But then you throw in these things that people see as me but are not choices: I did not choose to have adhd. I did not choose depression, or anxiety, or ptsd or the events that lead to it, I did not choose to have a body so full of errors in the code that it is literally falling apart.

So I have this disconnect from who I am and what my body is like. My body isn't me because my body wasn't my choice. There are things I can do to change parts of it, but I can't fix that I have a genetic disorder that said 'hey fuck your connective tissues.' or that my body will attack my intestines if I eat gluten.

I accept that my body is mine, in as much as it is the only way I have to interact with the universe, but it isn't me. I use it to move around, I use it to converse and create, but it's a tool. People see it and assume they see me, but I really don't feel like they do.

I look at my body and see something to hate, something that hurts and moves incorrectly sometimes and does things it shouldn't. I see an identity that people have assigned to me, but not myself.

I feel like other people look at my body and see things that they assume is me. They don't feel the way it malfunctions, they don't know that I can feel my knees grinding together with every step, they aren't in my head when the brain fog kicks in.

It's infuriating because they're using the same senses as me to determine the correct and polite ways to address me, but it really does feel like they're talking to the body, and not me. They see the body as part of who I am, and that's not their fault.

But I am not my body. I'm just the pilot. I don't understand what makes people feel like a gender, fuck, I don't even understand what gender is. I know it's an important part of identity and that people feel very strongly about it, but I have no real way to work the idea in my head. Gender feels like such a body thing.

It feels easier to think of it as a meat mech I have to keep functional as my only point of interacting with the universe at large, something that enables me to take in information.

I didn't really have anywhere I was going with this other than 'im agender because i identify as literally anything other than the meat of my physical form, because i am the choices i've made and the actions I commit myself to and not the broken down form that is my only way to interact with the world' in this weird overlap between disabilities and queer-ness.

and it can't even eat normal bread. like. c'mon. you're going to make me deal with all that AND take away sourdough english muffins? what the fuck.

[breathewithchaos]

You're already worthy.

This is probably the most vulnerable I have ever felt posting something online. This topic is very personal and can be a bit controversial…

TW// weight, eating disorders.

I have always been a very small person, something I strongly identified with. Whether envied or mocked for my size, it significantly influenced how I saw myself. I remember the first time I experienced body dysmorphia in high school. I thought I had gained a lot of weight and began to harshly criticize my body. Looking back, I realize I was quite small, but that wasn't how I felt then.

This feeling worsened over the years. As I grew into my body in my twenties, I lost touch with my actual appearance. Despite reassurances from those around me, the version of myself I saw in the mirror felt like the only truth, one that was distorted by my mind.

This negative emotion around my body and dysmorphia started to control my life. I would cancel plans, feeling uncomfortable in my own skin, and enter cycles of intense workout and binge eating. This pattern persisted, amplifying my struggle.

The arrival of 2020 brought its own traumas and exacerbated my mental health struggles. The binging intensified, leading to a significant weight gain that markedly changed my appearance. Looking at photos from 2019, I was confronted with how much I had changed, prompting questions about my self-perception. My dysmorphia became worse than it had ever been.

For the past two years, these issues have been a significant, yet mostly private, battle. Dressing each day became an internal fight, feeling dismayed that my clothes no longer fit and that my body had changed. I avoided social interactions, refrained from posting photos, would refrain from eating food throughout the day (only to binge all night long), and wore clothes that made me feel concealed, not comfortable.

It wasn't until recently that I began to gain control over my self-perception. Instead of aiming to lose weight, I shifted my focus to learning to love and respect my body. I've embraced a new philosophy: my body looks different, but it is stronger and more flexible than ever, thanks to yoga and a mindful approach to movement. I stopped weighing myself and started to appreciate the body that I am currently living in - not worrying about a version of my body that doesn't exist in this moment.

I don't believe I'm out of this struggle yet. There are daily reminders and challenges ahead. As for the version of me that does exist right here and now? I'm learning to love her and be kinder to her. I'm discovering ways to showcase who I am that make me feel good. I'm understanding that I am worthy, regardless of how my body looks. Most importantly, I am learning that I am deserving of loving myself to the fullest extent—in every single version that I come in.

Body dysmorphia is a silent and often invisible struggle. It distorts self-perception, creating a disconnect between reality and how I view myself. This internal battle is deeply personal and a reminder that our outer appearance doesn't always reflect our inner experiences.

Moreover, societal standards have heavily influenced my self-view. The pressure to maintain a certain size felt like an expectation I couldn't fail. Recognizing the harm in these unrealistic standards has been a crucial step in my journey towards self-acceptance.

This journey has taught me an important lesson: I am worthy of love and acceptance, just as I am. We all are. It's not about fitting a certain mold or meeting societal expectations. It's about embracing ourselves in every form we take. So please, remember that it is ok to go up a size - or a few - or a lot - in order to feel good in what you put on your body. Your clothes are meant to fit you - you don't need to fit into them. Your worth isn't dependant on the size of clothing you wear, or the number on the scale - it's who you are, who you truly are, that matters at the end of the day.

[idigitizellp21]

Building A Healthy Body Image

Body image is the combination of how someone perceives their body and their thoughts about it. Positive body image is linked to satisfaction with one’s appearance, whereas negative body image is linked to dissatisfaction.

What Leads To A Negative Body Image In People?

Negative body image involves feeling bad about yourself or beating yourself up over your appearance. A negative body image can mean being extremely harsh and judgmental of yourself to such an extent that you begin to accept a voice within, which in turn affects the way you view your value and worth as a person.

Having a poor body image can cause dieting, which can result in disordered eating and a variety of harmful health effects. Of course, not all dieting results in eating disorders, but a lot of research has indicated that it can.

Particularly if body image concerns have resulted in disordered eating, body image difficulties can potentially cause mental health issues. According to the National Institute of Mental Health, there is a connection between eating disorders, anxiety, and sadness. Your general quality of life may be affected if you have a negative body image. According to a 2016 study by Nayir et al., people’s quality of life was strongly correlated with their perception of their bodies.

Social media can have a significant impact on a person’s self-perception and body image.

Social media influences how many people view beauty and attractiveness. If their bodies don’t mirror what they see online, people may negatively evaluate themselves as a result of social media.

Having said that, it is important to build a positive body image for the betterment of our physical and emotional health. You can start building a positive body image by:

1. Accepting the way you look:

This is hard, but it’s helpful to try and separate our bodies from our worth.

Recognize that no one is perfect. Even those with seemingly ideal bodies have “flaws”. So, instead of seeing your body as you would like it to be, accept it as it is. If you need to, unfollowing social media accounts that provoke your emotions and starting to follow pages that promote body acceptance.

Avoid body-shaming language. Whenever you find yourself body-shaming yourself, stop and think, “Would I act in this manner toward my best friend?” Be kind to yourself like you would a good friend.

2. Following activities to build a positive sense of body: For some people, body positivity won’t come naturally, and that’s okay! You can try one of the following activities to build it:

List five positive traits about your personality first, then five positive traits about your physical appearance.

Notice how your body does so much without looking a certain way. Appreciating the functionality our bodies provide can be so helpful.

3. Taking care of your body: Taking good care of your body can make you feel better about it. Start caring for yourself with these tips:

Eat nutritious foods. Find out which foods are healthy for you and how much is enough. When you eat, savor every bite. Enjoy and truly taste your food.

Get a good night’s sleep. Get to bed on time and learn how much sleep you need for your age. To get a good night’s sleep, turn off screens several hours before bed.

Daily exercise is beneficial. In order to be strong, fit, and healthy, your body must move. Take part in a sport to stay active. You can also dance, walk, exercise, practice yoga, or run. Pick fun activities that you enjoy doing.

Maintain body weight that works best for you! Avoid comparing your weight to that of others. You can learn your ideal weight from your doctor. Don’t attempt to alter your diet on your own if you are not at a healthy weight. Always consult a parent or a physician first. Your doctor can make recommendations on how to get to and maintain your ideal weight.

Self-esteem or body image issues might occasionally be too much for one person to handle. Your self-esteem may be impacted by health problems, sadness, or trauma. Additionally, eating disorders might contribute to a falsely negative body image.

Inform your parents, your doctor, or your therapist of your struggles. Seek help, there is nothing wrong with needing help. With support and consideration, body image and self-esteem can improve.

– Urveez Kakalia and Sakshi Merai.

[pointone]

What Exactly Is An Adjustment Disorder? Why it Can Be Difficult to Recover?

When people start feeling anxious or sad more frequently than they should, we often assume they are suffering from anxiety or depression. However, there is another mental health disorder that manifests as anxiety, depression, or both.

Adjustment disorders can resemble these other common mental health conditions, but with one important distinction: they are triggered by a stressful life event.

Though most commonly diagnosed in children, adjustment disorders are becoming more common in adults, according to the Johns Hopkins Psychiatry Guide, as we all struggle to adjust to the circumstances COVID-19 has thrown at us.

Here's what you need to know about adjustment disorders, including how to recognize them in yourself and others, as well as how to treat them.

What exactly are adjustment disorders?

High-stress events are strongly linked to adjustment disorders. When something extremely stressful occurs, such as a divorce, job loss, the death of a loved one, an accident that causes you to lose your home or be seriously injured, or any number of other things, people sometimes find it difficult to recover.

They may experience depression, anxiety, or both. They may begin to act out behaviorally, or they may become unable to eat or concentrate on work or life.

"It's a reaction to a stressful life event that is causing significant disruption in your life," says Lindsay Henderson, PsyD, an Amwell therapist. While it's normal to feel sad, restless, or overwhelmed after a major stressor, Dr. Henderson says that when you have an adjustment disorder, those feelings become disproportionate to the stressor and last longer than they should.

What symptoms indicate an adjustment disorder?

Adjustment disorders frequently resemble depression or anxiety. "When we look at diagnosing adjustment disorders, we can categorize and say, 'This is an adjustment disorder with depressed mood,' or 'This is an adjustment disorder with anxiety," Dr. Henderson says. "Or it can be a mix of both depression and anxiety."

However, "adjustment disorder" is not a term that most patients use when seeking help for the first time. People who come into Dr. Henderson's office most of the time will say, "I just can't seem to get over losing my job," or "I can't seem to manage everything in my life the way I used to."

Symptoms of adjustment disorders include difficulty concentrating and memory problems. Gina Shuster, LMSW, a therapist at Oakland Psychological Clinic, sees patients who say things like, "I'm so forgetful now and I never used to be this way", "I'm always flustered;" or "I can't find the right words."

Shuster claims that when anxiety disorders manifest as anxiety or depression, your body expends so much energy just trying to maintain this heightened emotional state that small things like memory and concentration begin to slip. "It's like juggling a slew of balls in the air. Some things will have to be let go at some point "she claims.

What impact has COVID-19 had on adjustment disorders?

COVID-19 has been a major source of stress for those of us who have lived through the last several months. According to the Johns Hopkins Psychiatry Guide, stressors that affect entire communities can be triggers for adjustment disorders.

In addition to worrying about the virus, many people have lost jobs, lost loved ones, and been forced to miss out on milestones such as high school or college graduation, starting kindergarten, and planning weddings.

All of these stressors add up to an increase in people seeking therapy to cope, as well as more reports of mental health issues than ever before.

According to a CDC report released on August 14 and examining mental health in the United States during one week in June 2020, 40% of adults reported struggling with mental health or substance abuse. More than 25% of the 5,412 people polled reported anxiety symptoms, up from 8% before the pandemic, and the prevalence of depression was four times higher (24.3%, up from 6.5%).

Many of those who are now anxious or depressed are most likely suffering from a coronavirus-induced adjustment disorder. "More people are coming in complaining that their usual coping strategies are no longer working.

They are feeling overwhelmed and are having difficulty managing their lives "According to Dr. Henderson.

Shuster has also seen a significant increase in new patients. "We're seeing a lot more adjustment disorders right now because everything is uncertain," she says.

"And people are experiencing major losses, having to cancel things they've been looking forward to for a year, or being unable to celebrate accomplishments that they were so excited and proud of."

Dr. Henderson's first step when speaking with these patients is to try to put their struggles into context with the immense stress we've all been under as individuals and as a society. "When you're living in it, it can be difficult to recognize, appreciate, or truly comprehend how depleting a global pandemic can be on your internal resources," she says.

What is the treatment for adjustment disorders?

Treatment for adjustment disorders that manifest as depression, anxiety, or both of these disorders is similar to that for those disorders; however, therapy is frequently centered on the stressor that initiated the adjustment disorder.

"We want to be able to identify triggers as well as ways to calm down," Shuster says. In order to help people who might be on the verge of a panic attack or who are mired in depressive thoughts to concentrate on where they are in the moment, she teaches her patients grounding techniques, which are comparable to mindfulness exercises.

Shuster favors a grounding technique known as "5-4-3-2-1." It employs all five senses and works as follows: Stop wherever you are and take a look around if you are feeling overwhelmed.

Describe five things you can see. Then there are four things you can touch, three things you can hear, two things you can smell, and one thing you can taste, if possible.

Coping skills such as this exercise assist in bringing people who are feeling overwhelmed back to the present moment. The cognitive behavioral therapy that Dr. Henderson offers patients aims to alter the way we think and provide coping mechanisms for when our thoughts begin to spiral.

She frequently observes patients who engage in catastrophizing and black-and-white thinking, the two main types of negative thinking.

"Catastrophizing is assuming the worst will happen. 'We're in an economic downturn, and I'm sure I'll lose my job,' he says. I won't be able to recover, and we'll be forced to sell our home "she claims. "Black-and-white thinking sees things as all good or all bad, with no room for a middle ground."

When working with patients who have adjustment disorders, Dr. Henderson helps them examine their thoughts and behaviors and make minor changes to their thought patterns, which can improve their mood in general.

Of course, rather than simply reacting to triggers or already heightened emotions, it's also important to be proactive. "The first step in investigating mental health and emotional well-being is ensuring that a person is doing the bare minimum to care for their body and mind.

Eating and sleeping well are essential. I'm talking about everything we hear over and over again. However, people must be reminded of the significance of these issues "According to Dr. Henderson.

Schuster suggests keeping a feelings journal to track your mental health right now, when everyone is struggling emotionally. Then you can look back and see that you're coping much better now than you were a few months ago, and things are truly improving.

Doing something nice for others is another simple way to increase your own happiness. "I'm working on gratitude," Shuster says. And studies show that people are happier when they help others.

So bake a pie for your neighbors, go grocery shopping for your grandparents, or donate to an organization that keeps people safe. A little charitable work can go a long way toward improving your mood.

[9tzuyu]

stay.

note: normally i try not to get too personal with authors notes, but #lolz feeling a little silly and goofy ig

i really debated posting this because all it is - is a huge vent/dump fic. i don't expect anyone to read this or for it to really go anywhere and that's fine with me. i'm actually a little embarrassed? i guess you could say? i don't know. a lot of issues are coming up revolving around my ed so i just had to get it out.

+ i do promise to try and work on requests and lighter stuff. i still cant afford a new computer so im doing everything from my phone. it'll take some time, i'm sorry about that. i'll try my best to get requests out as soon as i can.

warnings: talks about anorexia/eating disorders. if you decide to read this i strongly advise you to take a moment beforehand because i do go pretty in depth at some points. i dont want to trigger anyone or anything, so the warning is here.

**please note that this is heavy thought based at first before it moves onto dialogue.

**and remember this is just a vent/comfort fic i originally wrote for myself, so if it’s not as good as any of my other fics you guys like i’m sorry.

ALSO SORRY TO KILL THE HALLOWEEN SPIRIT HELP

++ please be safe tonight

ty moli for proofreading i love u <3

it was impossible to understand why such an awful thing could be glamorized

you were only ten when you first stumbled across the sites. sacred rules could be found plastered all over the home pages in cute fonts to distract from how twisted the demands were. lists of diets and calorie counting apps were always linked on the side, along with pages full of videos pertaining to weight loss. 

even at a young age, you knew it was obviously all wrong, that the people running these blogs had to be sick themselves. but that didn’t stop you from continuing your exploration of the community. once you started you couldn’t stop.

by the time you were twelve, you counted on laxatives and self-induced vomiting to ease your insecurities. it worked for a while, but then it wasn’t enough. you had to do more, be better than the person you were a few months prior. 

at thirteen, you joined group chats and ran your own little blog tied to those who could relate. the praise for losing weight easily became your biggest motivator. because if you were the smallest, you were the best. within a few years, you’d been perfectly trained into thinking that less was good, and that becoming more was the worst thing you could ever be. 

you were taught that losing hair and bruises on your skin were the things you wanted. if you didn’t have those, then you were hopeless, not enough. others in the community told you to look up to those cliche, horribly written characters with eating disorders. no matter how many stereotypes and stigmas they gave off, those characters would always be praised some way or another. you weren’t shocked to say that reading winter girls did you no favors at all.

the next few years were on and off between misery and glimpses of happiness. it was never ending. nonetheless, you ignored what every therapist told you and remained firm on the belief that your body was different from the rest. your body wouldn’t go too far like the others because you were strong. you’d come so far already, why would you stop now? 

you denied your diagnosis of anorexia because nothing was wrong. you weren’t in a hospital bed dying of heart failure. why were you supposed to believe what you were doing wasn’t right when nothing serious has gone wrong? that was your point, although you knew somewhere in your mind it wasn’t normal to cry over a turkey sandwich or panic at the thought of even smelling food. 

so you stayed true to your routine of hiding food, packing on layers of concealer, and lying straight through your teeth when asked if you’d stuck to your meal plan. 

it never lasted long though because despite your best efforts, your body would eventually give away the truth on its own. weigh-ins became impossible to trick, your extra small clothes hung two sizes too big over your body. anyone with eyes could see that you’d been less than truthful the entire time.

as you got older, you found that some years were better than others. your body could be healthy and you found yourself genuinely enjoying those around you. friends and family said you were more fun to be around. during those times they didn’t have to worry so much, they could laugh at lame jokes you’d tell without thinking it might be the last one they’d ever hear.

during those years, your eating disorder was much more quiet. you were able to eat food and not feel as guilty as you would when you were sick. the thoughts were always there; they were just more manageable than before.

but somewhere in your twenties, you found yourself still stuck in the cycle introduced to you at the tender age of ten. you were old enough now to know and believe what you were doing was wrong, but the fear of facing and fighting back against your eating disorder was too scary of a thought for you to handle. 

you knew now that when you were younger people brainwashed you into believing smaller was better. they took the lighter side of eating disorders and turned them into goals you’d want to reach.

the people you’d met on pro-anorexia websites romanticized the fuck out of the disease, leading you to believe you’d be beautiful and envied by others as long as you had a gap between your thighs and size zero pants around your waist. you thought someone would’ve wanted you as long as you were frail and dainty (two words commonly misused to describe someone who was actually weak and dying). 

it was a mystery to you at sixteen why you were so miserable when you were promised happiness and self-confidence. girls didn’t envy you like you’d been told they would. instead they’d stare at you, weirded out by how freakishly skinny you were. your name was constantly in people’s mouths at school, everyone wondering why you’d ever want to look like that. 

friendships didn’t last long either. you wore people out with your constant need to skip out last minute on plans that had been scheduled for over a week. things didn’t make your case any better when you’d snap at your friends for wanting to get something to eat because they were hungry. a few small, petty arguments too many, and they’d be on their way as far from you as they could go. 

you’d never felt more alone in your life when even your longest friends started to grow tired of your behavior. 

why couldn’t they think about how tired you were of it? you are with yourself 24/7 after all.

those in charge of the sites forgot to mention all the extremes you’d learn to go to when it came to avoiding or getting rid of food. it was more than just sneaking dinner into your dog's mouth. for you, it was hiding sacks of vomit in your closet, throwing them in a large plastic bag the night before trash day. for you it was throwing up in your friend's front yard while they ran inside for a few minutes to get something. for you it was hitting yourself in the stomach for over an hour hoping to replace hunger pain with physical pain against your body. 

no one ever mentioned the insane beliefs that tagged along with anorexia. like the ones you had where you thought fast food water had calories in it because it was surrounded by the smell of food, or thinking that shampoo and advil had hidden calories in them that would somehow leak into your body. 

you knew how stupid and irrational everything sounded, but those beliefs were so ingrained in your mind it was hard to challenge them. 

another unmentioned concern no one cared to bring up was the fact that you’d eventually have to tell people new in your life what you’d struggled with. you told natasha awhile before you started dating her and she didn’t run off or stray away from you. you were grateful for that, but it didn’t make things very much easier for you.

if things were bad, then date nights rarely ever consisted of going out for food. this hardly ever bothered natasha too much, but you could see the occasional falter in her eyes when you told her you’d rather do something else. she’d love to take you out hold your hand as you walked to the ice cream shop after you’d eaten dinner. she’d love to enjoy a glass of wine or two at a nice restaurant with a four course meal, but you couldn’t always give her that.

there had been a few dates ruined by your eating disorder. the worst of which came just a few short months after you’d told her about your issue. 

the fair was in town and natasha was over the moon about the idea of taking you with her. you weren’t in the best mindset that particular day though. the thought of being around fried, greasy food was enough to make your stomach churn, but you saw how happy she was and didn’t want to ruin her the surprise she had for you. 

half way through the night you had a panic attack, cutting the date short. words couldn’t even begin to describe how guilty you felt. natasha drove you back to hers, silence filling the air after you apologized profusely. she spent the night watching over you, making sure you didn’t do anything because she knew how angry you were with yourself. 

dates like those came few and far between, especially through the years you weren’t struggling as badly. 

you couldn’t say the same for now though.

you tapped your feet against the tile flooring as you sat in the lobby of your doctor's office. natasha sat next to you, hand clasped tightly over yours. she was worried. beyond worried, really. 

like many times before in the previous years, you’d managed to hide your relapse quite well from others. the only reason natasha knew now was because you’d passed out on the job. you’d woken up in the hospital to her setting a glass of water on the table next to your bed. 

you argued about it for three days before finally agreeing to go to the doctor. 

truth be told, natasha was probably more worried about it than you were. the only thing occupying your mind was the fear of having to gain weight again, but also the chance that you might lose natasha if you didn’t get it together this time. 

you weren’t a kid anymore. you knew very well she had the right to leave if she wanted to. you also knew the bind you were putting her in. if she left, natasha would run the risk of worsening your situation and in a month's time she might not ever see you again. but if she stayed, then she’d only be screwing herself over by destroying her own mental health. 

neither one of those options were ones you liked. 

“y/n?”

you looked up to see a nurse standing in the doorway of the lobby. natasha gripped your hand as you stood up and you nodded for her as an okay to follow you. stepping on the scale was the worst part, especially since the nurse had no idea of your current situation and decided to allow you to look at the number in front of you. natasha was about to say something, but you’d already seen what the scale said, anyway. 

she did, however, grimace at the sight of how skinny your arm was when you took off your jacket for a blood pressure check. just like the rest of your body it was too thin. 

“temperature and weight are low-”

you are slowly dying, was the translation.

“-but your blood pressure is just above where it should be.” she left the room after jotting down the reason for your visit, telling you that your doctor would be in shortly. 

you spent the next fifteen minutes waiting in an uncomfortable silence, watching as natasha fiddled with the ring on her index finger. 

“it’ll be okay, nat.” 

 “we’ll see what the doctor says.”

“i’m sorry.” she sighed, running her fingers through her hair. “i know you are.”

 her reply didn’t help the matter, only making you feel more guilty by the second. guilt you didn’t have room to feel when you were the one doing this to yourself.

a light knock on the door made noise and your doctor walked in, a smile on her face like the previous times you’d been in her office.

“hello dr. hill.”

“y/n,” she greeted. 

the doctor flicked through your files on her computer before she addressed you herself.

“want to tell me in your own words what happened?”

you shrugged, “hit another relapse. passed out at work. argued with my girlfriend over whether or not i should be here.” 

she hummed, taking your hands in her own, examining how blue your fingernails had turned. “a lot less pink from the last time i saw you.” 

her stethoscope met your spine, and you inhaled, exhaling as she moved it around the back of your body.

“lungs sound fine.” you waited patiently until she finished listening to your chest. “your heartbeat isn’t where i’d like it to be, but seeing as you’re a little over twenty pounds underweight, it’s exactly where i’d expect it to be.” 

dr. hill paused, jotting down a few notes on her clipboard. “i strongly recommend hospitalization.” deal breaker. you shook your head instantly, instantly regretting making the appointment. 

natasha swallowed back a sob full of anger and frustration. “why not?”

“i just can’t, alright? it’s not even that bad.” you mumbled.

dr. hill stepped out into the hallway, giving you and natasha space to talk.

“did you not hear her? jesus christ it’s like talking to a brick wall with you.” she paced around the room, emotions too high for her to think properly before speaking.

“well then leave, natasha. i don’t care anymore.”

“i don’t want to! that’s the last thing i ever want to do to you. but god, why can’t you just fucking eat?”

she couldn’t stop the words from slipping from her mouth. her heart broke when she saw the look on your face.

“and why can’t you understand it’s not always about that?” you whispered to the ground.

“i know. i’m sorry, i didn’t mean to say that. but please, we can do this together. i’ll there every step of the way, you just have to want it for yourself.” she pleaded, eyes watery with tear tracks tracing the edge of her jaw.

“i just want to go home. can we just go home, please?”

. . .

the smell of natasha’s dinner aired throughout the kitchen. you watched as she filled her plate with a variety of things. it looked good — good enough to eat — you couldn’t lie about that.

natasha hadn’t spoken a word to you since the appointment earlier in the day, too upset to even think about it.

you were conflicted about everything.

literally everything.

but seeing natasha sitting alone, face propped up resting against her arm, flipped something inside of you.

you could almost hear her voice telling you to try, just try, that’s all she wanted from you. the both of you knew you’d end up dead if you didn’t. and you didn’t really want that, no matter how many times you wished it would happen.

so you went to grab your own plate, filling as much as you thought you were comfortable with and sat next to nat. this was the first time you’d done this in months.

you inhaled, but made no move to take a bite.

your thoughts had never been this loud before. it was bickering back and forth, nonstop.

you wont be good anymore if you eat that.

– yes i will.

you’re disgusting.

– i’m just hungry.

it’ll go away.

– i just want to eat. it’s just food. nothing more.

you know you can’t do that. you’re bad, horrible, the worst person in the world. so be good.

“damnit!” you slammed your fork down, startling natasha.

breathe.

“you’ve got this.” natasha’s soft voice came from beside you and her hand clasped into yours. “how’s this? i can talk about something, anything you’d like to take your mind off of this.”

you cleared your throat with a small nod, “it’s almost halloween.”

“it is. do you want to do anything this year?”

“can we dress up and give away candy to the kids? and can we stay up and watch horror movies?” natasha giggled, “we sure can.”

she noticed how your fork began to circle around the food, pushing and shoving it around.

“can you take another bite?”

no.

don’t.

the metal hit your tongue, food leaving the fork and into your mouth.

“do you have any ideas as to what you would like to dress up as?”

“mmm. well i think we should definitely go as edward and bella from twilight.” you replied sarcastically.

“i love you, but there’s no way in hell you’ll get me to dress up as a sparkly vampire.”

her thumb rubbed the top of your knuckles. “another bite please. you’re almost there.”

your lip trembled and you could feel the lump in your throat start to form. you felt so stupid and humiliated that natasha had to do this for you.

with a shaky breath, you exhaled, pushing yourself once more.

“i think we should go as gay ken and barbie.” your lip twitched into a smile. “and who would you be?”

“well ken of course,” she confirmed.

“what it i wanted to be ken?”

“and what if i wanted to just wear a cat's ear headband with a black turtleneck and pants and call it a costume?”

“if you want to, we can.” the redhead smiled, shaking her head. “we can be anything your little heart desires. now, one last bite?”

and one last bite it was.

you liked that natasha didn’t clap and cheer when you finished your plate. too many times you’d been told “i’m so, so proud of you!” or “i can’t believe you actually finished!”, it was annoying. those types of things always made you feel like a child who couldn’t do anything to begin with.

instead, natasha went with a gentle “i knew you could do it” and went to put the dish in the sink. it felt nice to have someone really believe in you.

“c’mon, we can get ahead on our horror movie watching a little early.”

natasha went to grab your hand, leading you into the livingroom and onto the couch. you tensed when her arm wrapped around your body.

gross. disgusting. she shouldn’t touch you.

“hey, where’d you go just now?”

“hm? nowhere. i’m here.” she knew you were lying, but decided not to push.

natasha’s hand moved from your side up to your head, scrunching her fingers together to scrape her nails against your scalp.

not good. tainted. dirty. wrong.

“what movie would you like to watch?” she clicked the remote and scrolled through a series of horror movies.

ruined.

“bride of chucky?” when she didn’t receive a reply she pressed play anyway, knowing it was one of your favorites.

natasha tried her best to keep you as distracted as possible. she went from letting you play with her hair and rings to asking questions about the movie, despite already knowing the answers.

“we should go as chucky and tiffany. don’t you think? i’ve already got the red hair.”

why would you do that?

“yeah, that’d be fun.” your voice cracked, causing natasha’s previous hand movements to come to a halt.

“is there anything i can do to help you right now?”

“i just don’t want to be here right now.” natasha’s eyes widened, and you quickly went to clarify what you meant. “no- no- not like that! not like that at all. i just… i don’t know, i feel stupid.”

“why?”

“we have a bathroom. i just ate.” not a second later and natasha put the pieces together.

“oh.”

you nodded, “it’s stu-”

“it’s not stupid. it’s triggering.”

natasha moved to get off the couch, disappearing out of your sight. you didn’t have the energy to try and see what she was doing, so you stayed put.

“let’s go for a drive. i know a spot you might like. it’s quiet, away from the city. we can just talk or listen to music. we could also just sit in silence if you want, i don’t mind. whatever it takes until you feel ready to come back.”

you didn’t bother trying to tell her that she didn’t have to do this because she wouldn’t listen anyway. natasha’s stubbornness was honestly one of the few things that’s saved you.

“nirvana? stevie nicks? what are you in the mood for?” natasha asked you softly, thumb tapping her screen as she scrolled through her spotify playlists.

“will you play kurt’s version of the man who sold the world, please?”

“of course. and you know you’re always welcome to change the song. i put it on shuffle though.”

the ride there was more relaxing than you thought it would be. your mind and body were too focused on the lyrics of the song and fiddling with natasha’s free hand. the thoughts were still there, just not as loud as before.

soon enough, you and natasha both laid flat against the back of her car staring up at the moon. it was still. no noise could be heard apart from the sound of crickets a few feet away.

you had room to think, room to breathe.

you thought about what some of your friends were doing right now. you’d seen pictures on instagram of them representing their college, a couple of party posts, and the occasional travel selfie.

those were all the things you wanted to do, but couldn’t. it was easy to let yourself feel jealous. sure, you were more than grateful to have natasha, but there’s nothing fun about being in a relationship with someone so self-destructive. there was no doubt natasha loved you, but it’s hard to love someone who doesn’t want to be loved; or at least acts like they don’t.

so the choice was once again up to you. what was more important? spending days wasting away over something you’ll never reach? or living a new life, one that could be exciting, outside of your eating disorder?

“what’s on your mind?” natasha questioned, turning her head to the side to get a better view of your face. your cheeks were more hallow than she remembered and it made her stomach turn.

you hummed, “i was so caught up in my own pain i didn’t realize how much i was hurting everyone else around me. this race to be perfect; look where it got me.”

natasha didn’t know what the right thing to say was. your statement wasn’t necessarily wrong, so she couldn’t argue against it.

“i used to tell myself that my eating disorder never took anything from me. everyone always had something, whether it be a sport, or theater, or dance. i didn’t have that. and then i realized that’s exactly what my eating disorder took away from me. i haven’t done anything in the past decade except go through the motion. every day up until now i’ve lived to obey my eating disorder.”

there was pause, another inhale and another exhale.

“you could say i have someone; my family or friends, but after awhile they get tired. they stop trying and asking. they stop caring. a few years down the road and now i have a strained relationship with everyone i used to be close with. i guess it made it easier to accept what would inevitably happen to me.”

you turned to face her, a shaky breath leaving your mouth. “i don’t want to die, nat.”

the redhead had to bite the inside of her cheek to keep from crying. she couldn’t imagine a life without you, she didn’t want to imagine it.

“had i known when i was a kid that this would be my life i would’ve never continued on like this.”

“you still have time, you can still get better.” she reasoned.

“i know, it’s just hard.”

“you’re in the fight for your life, it won’t ever be easy.” natasha affirmed. “but i know you can do this.”

“we’ll see.”

. . .

*gasp* an eating disorder fic that doesn’t revolve around the fear of getting fat? v tired of that stereotype pleek not everyone with an ed is like that.

[terubakudan]

This may be an old article from 3 years ago, but these cultural aspects/observations still apply even today. And though this is strictly a Chinese perspective, a lot of these everyday life bits are observed in Overseas Chinese communities in countries such as The Philippines, Malaysia, Indonesia, etc. as well as countries heavily influenced by Chinese culture like Taiwan, Japan, and Korea.

I've always liked learning about other cultures and making comparisons between how things are done East vs West. Which probably stems from growing up with two cultures and Mom raising me on American movies xD

So the irony is if you asked me how many Chinese, Taiwanese, or Hong Kong actors I know, chances are I know as much as you do xD Like Jackie Chan, Andy Lau, and that's about it. But if you asked me about Western (specifically American and British) actors, then I have a useless brain dump of movie trivia and who was with who in what movie xD

Hmmm, both Taiwan and the Philippines are two distinct cultures but both look up to a certain country and are fascinated by that. In Taiwan's case, Japan and the US for the Philippines. In both cases, this is due to being under the rule of those countries in their history. Taiwan being under Japan for 50 years, and the Philippines being under Spain for 300+ years, followed by periods of American and Japanese rule. To put it simply though:

Taiwan is "mini-Japan with a very Chinese culture".

The Philippines is "former colony of Spain with lots of American influences".

But unlike the author, I've never set foot in any Western country, so my understandings are strictly what I've observed in media, which while it can be accurate, doesn't compare to actually experiencing the culture.

Some further elaboration on most points:

#1 We quite literally use chopsticks for everything. We use it to pick rice, viands, vegetables, fruit, smaller desserts, almost all the food you can think of.

But where do you put your chopsticks when you're not using them? Just put them on top of your bowl or flat on your plate. But do not ever stick them vertically. It's taboo, since it looks like incense sticks, which we use to pray for those who have passed, like our ancestors or during funerary services.

#3 The majority of Asia is obsessed with fair/white skin. In my time at the Philippines, I grew up watching all these Dove Whitening commercials and my classmates often commented on how fair my skin was, how they envied it etc. In Taiwan, girls often say they don't want to 變黑 (biàn hēi) 'become dark'. Japan and Korea too are not innocent of this either (if their beauty/skin products weren't a dead giveaway).

People here at Taiwan often mistake me for being from Hong Kong or Japan (as long as I don't speak Mandarin with my heavy accent xD). A Taiwanese classmate of mine joked that she often gets mistaken for being from Southeast Asia due to having a darker complexion. And while I laughed it off with her at that time, looking back, I now realize she was lowkey being racist. xD

And believe me Filipinas have mentioned literally being told 'your skin is so dark' here in Taiwan, or being given backhanded compliments like 'you're pretty despite having dark skin' and...*facepalms*

My point is, beauty is not exclusive to skin color. People who still think that are assholes.

#5 Not to say we don't have salt and pepper, but yes soy sauce and vinegar are the classic condiments you see on the table, be it at home or at a restaurant.

And if I may add, Taiwanese love their pepper. xD If you ever get to eat at a night market or a smaller "Mom n' Pop-style" restaurant here, some dishes/soups tend to add quite an excessive amount of pepper. Not like anthills, but quite liberally and way more than average. Enough that you see traces of pepper at the bottom of the food paper bag or swirling in your soup. xD

#6 I know this all too well from personal experience. In my years of studying at Taiwan, I always had roommates. 3 in my first school (I graduated high school in the Philippines pre K-12 so I had to make up 2 years of Senior High), followed by 2 in college, with the exception of 1 in freshman year.

My college did offer single person dorms but at around 9000 NTD ($324) per month compared to around 6000 NTD ($216) per semester. Because I wanted to save, the choice was obvious for me xD. But ah, this doesn't mean I don't value personal space, in fact I love having the room to myself, and since both my roomies would go home to their families every weekend, weekends were bliss for me xD

And you don't have to be friends with your roommates (that's an added bonus however), you just have to get along with them. I was quite lucky to have really great roommates all throughout my schooling years.

#9 In the Philippines, we do. Owing mostly to American influences and maybe being predominantly Catholic? xD

#10 *sigh* Chinese parents and parents from similar Asian cultures tend to put too much emphasis on grades, so much that kids could get sent to cram school as early as elementary. This is because what school you get into could literally affect your future job opportunities, and while that's not exclusive to any particular country/culture, I feel it's especially pronounced here in Asia. I'm really lucky my own parents weren't that strict about it. However, if your parents don't point the mistakes out to you, chances are you'll do it yourself, if you're an Asian kid like me anyway. xD It just becomes a habit.

#11 My family is an exception to this. xD We do say 'I love you' directly, but complete with the 'ah eat well ok?', 'don't scrimp on food', 'sleep well' and similar indirect words/actions of affection. We were doing 'Conceal, Don't Feel' before it became popular. xD

#13 I'm kind of confused about this but this has sort have changed over the years in which eye-contact is now more encouraged. But don't stare, especially at elders and authority figures. Sometimes it's just shyness though. xD And I've observed this with my own Taiwanese friend, especially when I'm complaining or ranting to her about something. xD I'm a person who likes to express my opinions strongly, which tends to scare/alienate some of the locals here, as doing so is kind of frowned upon. Thankfully, she does listen and offers her take on things.

#14 Ah this. xD In the Philippines, this is a common greeting known as beso-beso, and I freaked out too when an auntie did that to me. xD Needless to say, Mom lectured me later on what that was. ^^"

#16 Along with #3 another crazy beauty standard. In my view, people always look better with a little meat on them and when they're not horribly thin. Asia still has a loonng way to go with accepting different types of bodies if you ask me. This combined with modern beauty standards has made the pressure for women especially to 'look beautiful' higher than ever.

I know many people love them but please, starving yourself or glorifying eating disorders is never OK just to get this kind of 'ideal' body. I'm not part of the Kpop fandom, but even I think when idols get bullied just for gaining the least bit of weight among other insensitive comments, that's really going too far.

#17 'If you want to make friends, go eat.' <- I couldn't agree more. In the Philippines we have a greeting: 'Kumain ka na ba?' (Have you eaten?) . Similarly in Taiwan, we have 吃飯了沒? (chī fàn le méi), both of these can mean that in the literal sense but are often used as greetings instead. By then which invitation to having lunch/dinner together may or may not follow. Food really is a way for us to socialize and to catch up with what's going on in each other's lives. Not to say we don't have regular outings like going out to the mall, going shopping, etc. but eating together is a huge part of our culture, be it with family or friends.

And while I'm at it, some memes that are way too accurate good to pass up xD

Parents, uncles, aunties alike will fight over the bill xD

Alternatively:

You just space out until your name is called xD

My parents are guilty of the last one. Logic how? xD

#18 True. xD I like giving compliments out to people but I have a hard time accepting them myself, though I've learnt how to accept them much more now than before. We're kind of raised to constantly downplay ourselves so we often say things like 'ah no no' or 'I'm really not that good'. The downside of this of course is that it can come off as somewhat fake. xD

Again from personal experience, that same classmate who made the lowkey racist remark, she was good, she was on the debate team, was a honor student, knew how to mingle with people, but she downplayed herself way too much, while praising me but I honestly thought that she never really meant it from how she treated me. She wanted to keep me around her yet make backhanded compliments at me and she didn't want me socializing with my other classmate who is now my friend. *sigh* It was only after discussing this with one of my roomies did I realize how this 'excessive downplaying' might come off to people like me who more or less grew up with a more 'Westernized' mindset. I'm not saying brag about your achievements but don't be overly humble about them either, which can also be a turn off.

#20 We do tend to be a lot more realistic on how we view things, neither entirely optimistic nor pessimistic. We try to think of things practically and often analyze things on pure logic. A downside of this however, is that Chinese people can be overly practical. Taiwanese for instance don't like to 'find inconveniences' and generally keep to themselves, meaning, they won't help you in your hour of need even when they do have the capabilities. Sounds really harsh I know, but in my 6 years of living in Taiwan, while this doesn't apply to all the people, a lot of them really do only find/talk to you when they need something.

So for some people saying Taiwanese are 'friendly', that's BS xD If you ask me, Filipinos are infinitely more friendly, and again while not all, generally make more of an effort to help you when you need it. I really felt more of a real sense of community during my years growing up in the Philippines compared to Taiwan.

#21 Children do tend to stay with their parents well into college and adulthood, since Chinese families are indeed very family-oriented, in a lot of cases, grandparents often live under the same roof as us as well! And it really does save a lot of money. I see there's a real stigma in the US when it comes to "living with your parents", but that's starting to change especially because of Covid and having more and more people move back in with their parents.

Housing unfortunately is pretty much hella expensive no matter where you go, and Taiwan is no exception. Steep housing prices and the very high cost of raising a child (schooling + buxiban fees, etc.) contribute to a very low birth rate and thus an aging population like Japan. It's not uncommon to see both parents working in Taiwan.

#23 I'm an overthinker myself, but I totally agree with the author that the best is to strike a good balance between these two. Which I guess is why I love drawing or any other related creative attempts, it helps me be more spontaneous or well, creative! I like to remain intellectually or artistically inspired.

#24 Is French high school really like that? xD My friend did watch SKAM France and more or less got a culture shock from what was depicted on the show. I can confirm however that most high schools both in the Philippines and Taiwan require students to wear a uniform, only in college is everybody free to wear casual/civilian clothes.

#26 Ah this is part of our Asian gift-giving etiquette xD We always open gifts later after the event/meeting and in private. Never open them in front of the person who gave it to you or in front of others. This is to prevent any 'shame/embarrassment' that may result both to yourself and to the gift giver. I know this may come off as something weird since some people may want a more honest response or immediate feedback when it comes to gift-giving, but that's just how it is in our culture. You're always free to ask us though (in private) if we liked the gift or not ^^"

#28 I want to say the same goes to drinking, partying, and drugs however xD Those are things which are still frowned upon in our culture. And to be honest, whenever I see those in movies, it does kind of turn me off xD It doesn't mean that we're "uncool" or "boring", we just think that there are much better or healthier ways of "having fun".

#31 Is this true in France?! Man I would kind of prefer that instead of people being on their phones all the time xD This kind of goes with #20 in that Chinese are overly practical or logical, and don't read fiction as much as nonfiction. My Taiwanese friend is an exception though, she's a bibliophile who loves the feel of paper books compared to e-books, and it's a trait of her that I like a lot. Both the Philippines and Taiwan however have a huge fanbase when it comes to manga and anime though.

I'm all for reading outside of "designated reading" at schools especially. Reading fiction improves your vocabulary too, and can be quite fun! It helps you imagine and really invest in a world/story, and if you ask me something that I feel Westerners are better at, they're more in touch with their emotions and creativity, and are thus much more able to write compelling or original stories. Believe me, I've seen a fair amount of Chinese movies that rip off Western movie plotlines xD

#33 Nothing much to add on here..except that since I'm a "weird" person, Mom often jokes that she got the wrong baby from the hospital. xD

#35 True. While I agree with the care and concern that your fellow community can give you, the downside of this is we tend to only hang out with our own people, e.g Chinese with Chinese, Taiwanese with Taiwanese, etc. I've seen too that it's especially hard to make friends in Japan and Korea as a foreigner. Not only is there the language barrier, but the differences in culture too. In a way, Asians can be pretty close-minded on getting to know other cultures or actually making friends with people from other countries. I know this all too well being half-Taiwanese/half-Filipino, being neither "Filipino" enough nor "Taiwanese" enough. xD It's more of people here being too used to what they're comfortable with.

#36 Oh this is something I feel that Chinese students and other students from similar cultures should really improve on. xD How will people respect you if you don't speak your mind?

I felt bad especially for my Spanish teacher in college, granted it was an introductory course (Spanish I and II) but the amount of times that our teacher had to prompt a student to recite/speak even with clear hints already made her (and me too) extremely frustrated. The thing is, these are college students, I personally feel they don't have any reason to be so shy of speaking and technically by not doing so they're slowing the pace of the class too much and a lot of time is wasted.

Unfortunately you can't always be very vocal with your thoughts and opinions in most Asian cultures. I would say strive for that, but at the same time, play your cards well, especially if you're in a workplace setting.

If you made it to the end, thank you for reading and here's a cookie! 🍪 I'm not perfect and there's bound to be something I missed so please let me know if you spotted anything wrong. Feedback/questions are very much welcome and please feel free to share about your country/culture's differences or similarities!