#I have a lot of work cut out for me
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I'm scheduling more photo dumps to post and getting sad that we're almost to the end of it. Still a whole month and some change to go, but still too close to make me happy. I want to keep doing them! As Cuff says, "Athia has so much to offer the dedicated explorer."
I've got a few ideas, though :) And I was gonna make a poll to see which one y'all wanted to see first, but then I went "well wait a minute, I have seven ideas and there are seven days in the week. I'll just do all of them on a different day!" So behold! A new schedule!! :D
Monday: Magic Monday, shots of every single one of Frey's spells. Every. Single. Spell. ...that isn't, like, cloak enhancement spells or whatever since those have no visual component lol
Tuesday: Tragic Tuesday, pictures of various skeletons scattered across Athia. May or may not but heavily leaning towards may include the drabbles/microfics I promised forever ago
Wednesday: Wet Beast Wednesday! Except most of them aren't wet, lol. Basically a bestiary of everything Frey can murderkill around Athia. Broken, Nightmares, Tanta minions, possibly the Tantas themselves. The possibilities are limited only by the number of enemies in the game! :D
Thursday: Thinky Thoughts Thursday, shots of the interiors of the Cognoscent's Guilds. Because they're cool and I like them.
Friday: Fashion Friday! All the fashions and styles of Athia and beyond, from Frey's cloaks and necklaces to whatever the heck Treahy's hat is supposed to be
Saturday: Caturday, naturally. A day for all kitty cats, both magical and mundane. Probably gonna run out of these sooner than any of the others, though. Still, that's 9 mundane cats, 20 magical kitties, and Homer, so at least 30 weeks of kitty pics :)
Sunday: Sunday Funday, random pretty shots of Athia because I can't stop myself from taking them anyway lol
The last of the current photo dumps is scheduled for Friday, March 8th. This new schedule will start up on Monday, April 1st, to give myself more time to organize and build up a nice backlog. I may add to the dumps ending on March 8th; it turns out Visoria Castle is visible on the horizon before spoilers happen, so I'm probably going to take a ton of pictures in Visoria that include the castle. Because it looks cool and I can :P But those shouldn't take up the rest of March, so expect a photo dump hiatus sometime that month.
#Forspoken#bobbi's being weird again#I have a lot of work cut out for me#and I wouldn't have it any other way :)#also yes all of these will include DLC content 💜
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Zionists want you to conflate Judaism and Zionism. Zionists want you to believe that Judaism cannot exist without Zionism and that all Jews are Zionists. Zionism would have Jews believe that a Jewish state is the only way that they can be safe from antisemitism and will point to any instance of antisemitism as proof that Zionism is the solution- so Zionism wants gentiles to be antisemitic in their support of Palestine. They want you to conflate all Jews with Zionism and the state of Israel, and they want you to treat all Jews regardless of political affiliation as the face of Israel. Antizionist Jews exist, and incidences of antisemitism ostensibly acting against Zionism will not help dismantle the forces propping Zionism up.
Don't do their work for them.
#red rambles#viva palestina#antizionism#i haven't actually seen a lot of antisemitism personally. not recently anyway. but that's more a feature of me not following antisemites#i DO however see a lot of people talking about the people they're seeing throw their support behind antisemites using palestine#as an excuse to conflate all jews with israel#and i cannot stress enough that that is literally what israel and zionist forces abroad WANT.#i am jewish. my entire family is jewish. i want to see palestine free. and i have SEEN how the jewish community gets conflated with israel#both from the inside and out#and i am dead serious when i say that every time someone is antisemitic it strengthens the conviction from people abroad#that it's a terrible sad situation but there's 'no other choice'#if you're being antisemitic you are doing the enemy's work for them. Stop it.#like... look. i am putting this in the tags bc im talking in the tags but i mean this. I do not give a single flying fuck if you personally#are a giant raging antisemite at the moment. Your personal beliefs are your problem and not mine. I do not fucking care. But if you are#being openly and loudly antisemitic *in your support of palestine* you are absolutely not fucking helping. I am so dead serious right now#if you want to raise awareness and you're being antisemitic because of deep held beliefs or whatever i want you to look around and read the#fucking room. Do you understand how much of Israel's international support comes from the idea that they are the only country where jews ar#safe from antisemitism? do you see how every time palestine comes up people point at incidences of antisemitism in anti-genocide actions to#discredit the entire movement? do you not understand how your actions are cutting the movement down at the knees?#i'm jewish and proud of it. i don't like antisemitism. but there's a genocide on and i'd rather work against it than quibble over who i#work alongside. i dont fucking care. you can be as antisemitic as you like in private. stop fucking the movement up.#there are bigger things to worry about here. if i can put aside my own concerns as to who i'm talking to you can hold your tongue#and fight the good fight instead of handing weapons to the people who are trying to fucking flatten gaza.
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At rest, your lungs wish to deflate, and your ribcage expands outwards.
#better drawn mdzs#mdzs#wei wuxian#yiling laozu#Happy Friday the 13th!#This is scientific fact btw!#Ventilation operates through a series of active and passive forces#The active forces being muscular contraction with inhalation and exhalation having their own set of muscles.#but the interesting part is the passive forces at work:#The lungs have a certain level of elasticity to them - meaning the more they expand the more the those elastic forces are functioning-#-to try and return the system to rest (exhalation passive forces). Your diaphragm is the main force - pushing against the lungs at rest.#Your ribcage on the other hand is under a state of being pulled outwards. It *wants* to be as open as possible.#These to contradicting forces create a constant push and pull which assists in the ebb and flow of air. Most significantly with exhalation.#Now that being said - the primary action of inhalation ventilation is through control centers in your brainstem.#If you lose connection to that due to trauma you're going to need ventilation assistance.#Small note: Respiration is the cellular event of chemical exchange in the alveoli. Ventilation is airflow and pressure.#They are both important but also very different things. Sadly used interchangeably.#My anatomy nerd brain is screaming over the inaccurate ribcage...but its...recognizable. I will get it right one day.#Okay nerd rant over (I cut out a lot of stuff about pressure gradients. They are cool. To me.)#This is a redraw of an mspaint doodle I made back in april. I yearn to make the Yiling Laozu eerie as he deserves#Tear that bitch (affectionate) apart!#Been playing around with hatching for a while and its amazing how many styles there are! Not sure I'll stick with this one (but it was fun)
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i wanted to do a piece to commemorate all the amazing waddle dees who entered the @kirbyoctournament this year! as starstruck is the last dee standing in the mainline tourney, that's a big legacy to carry, but she's doing her best...!
if you want to help her keep fighting the fight for the Humble Waddle Dee against all these super cool knights, dark matters, gods, and ancients, you can vote for starstruck here!
additionally with the first round of second chance voting now open, all these dee's are back for more, and you can give them your vote in the second chance bracket!! sadly a few of them are up against each other, but from top to bottom, here are links to vote for your favourites!
galaxia // ideena // pip // fondue // starry // mimi // daisy // rainbow // wadhat // wridee // stellar // rope mf // keyper // seam // lemon // flower // and of course starstruck being squished to within an inch of her life there 😂
character credits, from top to bottom!
galaxia @centellazul // ideena @tazmilygray // pip @emmyp0ps // fondue @moonmacabre01 // starry @staring-at-a-blank-pagee // mimi @clownie-rainbow // daisy @starrygoober // rainbow @cali-kabi // wadhat @iwontusethis255 // wridee @mxmanynames // stellar @drawscutestuff // rope mf @mint-termsandconditions // keyper @bloodiegawz // seam @cloud-the-forgotten // lemon @snazzyladreal // flower @eliastheownerof0axolotls
i hope you all enjoy it!! best of luck to everyone and their wanyas in the tourney and second chance!! 💖🙏
#starstruck dee#others ocs#my art#kirby oc tournament#all character credits under the cut! this was already long enough 😂#this was a big project but as resident wanya oc enjoyer i really wanted to honour all the waddles in the tourney!#i also made an alt of this for artfight which included 7 *other* waddle dee ocs not in the tourney. might post that later!#don't forget to vote for your favourites!! including starstruck!! she's up against incredible powerhouse Mama D this round!#fingers crossed she makes it. go tiny girlfailure wawa go!!!#i have been desperate to continue my propaganda and answer asks but i've been so overwhelmed with work lately. soon though! i hope!#thanks for sticking around and to everybody who has voted for starstruck so far!! it means a lot to me to see her do well out there! 💖🎀
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gonna say, something or someone being misogynistic is on its own a good enough reason not to like it or not to spend time with that person. It's not just that misogyny is so normalised that not watching a show or not spending with someone just because of misogyny is treated as not enough of a reason - it's also that as a woman, you are under constant scrutiny and constantly thrown tests to show that you are 'not one of the difficult ones', that you can 'take a joke'.
But 'your friend keeps saying degrading things about women' is a good enough reason not to hang out with that person or not to go to a gathering. 'i read the last book by his author and it was deeply misogynistic' is a good enough reason why you don't want to read things by that author anymore. 'This comedian specifically makes a lot of mean-spirited jokes about women' reason enogh not to watch that or see that show, even if your friends want to go. 'This content creator keeps going on weird tangents about women' reason enough not to watch their stuff or support them.
and it is especially a very good reason not to date someone.
#last night i rewatched hbomberguy's plagiarism video and I kept noticing how many female supporters James Somerton had#despite being such a giant misogynist#and this sent me down this mental rabbithole of how often it happened that we had a guy in our friend group who was rude/weird with women#but it was just an issue everyone danced around#and I feel like part of the reason is that misogyny alone is not considered a good enough reason not do something#and I can already see counter-arguments like 'so you're saying I CAN'T enjoy xyz'#I'm aware that it's impossible to cut out everything misogynistic and that you would miss out on a lot of great works if you do#but I'm trying to get out of the habit of immediately hedging what I'm saying and describing every case scenario exception#I'm not saying that you aren't allowed to do something you want to (who am I to do that)#I'm saying that IF you DON'T want to do something because of misogyny - that's reason enough#if something you do in your free time and should be for your enjoyment is so uncomfortable and becomes a chore you are doing for others#you don't have to.#and then the last one. the whole can of worms of how many women date men who hate women...
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My comic is so pretty...
The hiatus is letting me take a little extra time on these episodes, and I'm definitely putting it to good use!!!
#almost done with my 8th episode... which will give me. two weeks. of buffer...#id really like at LEAST a month... but to be more comfortable id like two#which means 2-6 more episodes before I come back!#I've got about 7 weeks so its possible. but i do still have to finish book 4#so much to do ..........#I decided for my next comic im doing 3 updates a month.#having 10 days instead of 7 to make an episode is such a huge huge huge difference...#difference in quality and in my health!#anyways the comic is really pretty im really happy with the work im doing rn#the environments especially. im getting to spend a nice amount of time on them and theyre turning out so nicely#its nice to be able to write with a lot of different environments and not have to redo panels when I get to them cause of time#cause every time theres a wild angle? you need a new background...#so sometimes. often actually. there just isnt the time to make the backgrounds for those and i have to make them more flat...#which is fine. it doesnt really affect anything narratively. but. idk. it's kinda sad right?#anyways yeah! 10 days will be much better.#36 episodes a year is about what ive been uploading with my hiatuses on the weekly schedule anyways!#so might as well cut out that super stressful middleman and just commit to that#52 a year is just such a huge difference and i have to accept its not possible to me#i will hurt myself trying to do that. and i want to make comics my whole life!#so i cant push myself that hard now and sacrifice my future. we're gonna go slower after this...#anyways yeah cant wait to come back but also time. if I could get an extra week like a secret one just for me#where theres no chores no nothin just me and my work#thatd be great! so go ahead and do what you gotta do to give me a little pocket dimension#me: ugh i want to return right now...#the more logical me: NO we need the time to finish everything!!!!!! NOT right now!!!!#time and time again#ttawebcomic#comic panels#hiatus stuff#adam and steve
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can we hear more about carlos if you'd be so generous (genuine)
OH GLADLY. so ive mentioned hes the protag of a thing im making, so i wanted the broad strokes of his premise to be simple: he's a reaper! made to go up and bring souls to wherever the hell they go after death, ect ect. he was pretty good at it!
but the setting im writing here is a pretty standard "death but its a bureaucracy" type thing. something something small business growth, higher demand, things get streamlined, job title changes, ect
so he was Less Good at the desk job angle. but he worked at it! once again, he's one of the best!
is it what he was originally created to do? no. is it what he thought he'd be doing for eternity when he decided he found the most personal fulfillment in being good at what he does? not really. is it so drastically different that it's actually atrophying some facets of his personality a little? maybe. is he happy?
the important thing is, he's good at it!
#anon#psychopompous#im being vague as if i dont have the entire lore of him and his work mapped out like three times over because its Not Relevant#its just something for Me to Chew On. the game aint even about him it's about marianne getting her head cut off and being mad about it#but i adore him so. he gets A Lot Of Thought Allocation on a daily basis lol#even wrote a short orpheus retelling with this idiot. im in deep#anyway thank u for the ask it like physically granted me energy im always happy to talk about the weird skeleton guys that live in my head#doodles
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apparently some ppl are a little bit upset that ryoko kui said in a modern world, laios would work in minimum-wage retail
but, it does lowkey make sense, if you count for the fact he dropped out of school and later, the army. and if we take into consideration that he's autistic too, he won't find any good jobs so retail is his only option.
i mean, he could be a manager tho. he is a pretty good leader.
but i'll imagine, with the right people pushing him, he takes night classes to at least get a degree. hell, maybe he makes extra cash on the side by doing furry commissions.
but if you imagined him going to school to become a vet or he has a youtube channel or whatever, you can still keep imagining that lol
it's not the end of the world if the author said one thing against the other, you know.
#dungeon meshi#delicious in dungeon#delicious dungeon#laios touden#gothie's opinions#now falin being a medical researcher i have a little bit of doubt since in canon she cut class a lot and also dropped out lol#but that's just me#anyway retail isn't the end of the world for laios lol i worked retail in my 20s too he'll be fine
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I finished posting the unabashedly educational Sword Fic.
It includes a detailed (but hopefully beginner-friendly) explanation of all the steps of making a Nichirin blade from a sunny mountain like Mt. Youkou, a touch of swordsmith and metalworker folk lore (including demons), meta about what must make Kimetsu no Yaiba's swordsmithing methods different from real life methods, some character exploration for Haganezuka and his polishing method, vocabulary and additional resources in the chapter notes, and hopefully, an endearing, silly POV character to learn this all through.
#my fics#SWORDS SWORDS SWORDS#would you like a story about the years of background of this fic?#I was not very well-versed in metallurgy until recent years but my study of the Japanese language goes back to#well#longer than some of you may have been around#I always liked samurai and swords for the aesthetic but started to take more of an interest when I lived in Shimane#and on a day when I had a friend taking me around to rural sites associated with a legendary monster she was like#let's go see the sword museum while you're out here#but that museum was closed (it comes back into this story though)#so we went to a different one that no longer exists but that was my first encounter with how much work it takes to make the sword ore#fast forward years later#I am writing this blog and it becomes known as a fun place to read about Japanese culture as seen in KnY (thanks glad you enjoy)#I decide that I must tell people how hard it is to make the ore and finally visit that main museum on a trip back to Shimane#I collect material and struggle to do more research and wrap my head around it#and I write the first version of Teppi's story that focused mostly on the smelting and glazed over the forging and polishing and stuff#meanwhile I am in a job situation I have already long since wanted out of and soon I want out a lot more desperately#job searches were disheartening but then I found THE ONE I WANTED#and on that first interview when I was already like PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE#they asked if there's a Japanese cultural topic I could suddenly explain in great detail if asked#and without mentioning this blog I said I had recently written up something for fun about tatara smelting methods (and they forgot this)#fast forward again and I very happily got the job and was very nervous as I got the rundown on a very large annual nerd project#and when they announced the topics for that year I saw that tatara smelting methods in the region I knew them from was on the list#and I was like#asudyaiusdyuasdyuahduahduhsdhuPLEASE GIVE ME THAT#and i got it and when I went out there for research people were like#...why do you know all this...???????#and since I dared not mention my KnY blog I was like#...I lived in Shimane...#it seems I broke the tags because the rest of the story got cut off but hi yes you get the idea
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I salivate at the thought of skinning you alive
oh good, I thought I'd been left out. [for context to the reader, this is a reference to this post (I hope)]
On the spectrum from crocodile to passerine, I can only hope that human would be closer to crocodile, but not so close to be quite as tiring.
#I skinned a crocodile recently#actually just part of a crocodile#and it was exhausting#fascinating and extremely cool#but really a lot of work#the osteoderm make the back REALLY inflexible#so pulling it back takes a lot of strength#huge respect to the people who do that for a living#on the other hand#trying to skin a passerine is like trying to hammer in a nail with tissue paper#you just look at the damn thing and the skin rips#I have no idea how people make titmouse taxidermies#I have pretty good fine motor control#but I am not cut out to be a taxidermist#cw skinning#I guess?#let me know if this needs other warnings#I can't think of any right now#tag ramble#answers by Mark#Anon#Anonymous
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loving reminder as someone who struggles with food: you are allowed to add joy to your food. you are allowed to add a little joy even if it’s a tiny thing, something silly or something weird. you are allowed to do it whenever you want, as many times as you want. anything that makes food easier and more enjoyable for you is worth it!! it’s your food, you can decide what to do with it!! you can add rainbow sprinkles to your ice cream. you can cut your food into little heart shapes. you can pack your snacks into cute little bento boxes. it is not pointless or childish, it is an effective and active coping tool that you are allowed to use.
give yourself a little joy. the little things add up.
#even if it’s just a teeny tiny thing it’s sooo helpful to get just a little bit of excitement out of ur meal!!#you are allowed to do it!! if it’s ’pointless’ then what’s the point in denying yourself from it??#I’m being so serious like. put stickers on your air fryer. put your meals into cute containers even if you don’t need them.#cut your food up into little cute pieces if you have the spoons for it. buy yourself Dino nuggies.#try to have at least one thing to look forward to in every meal even if it’s just a little piece of candy#just!! change things up!! be self indulgent!!! you are worth it and anything that helps you be healthy is worth it!!!#there are no rules!!!! you are allowed to be kind to yourself!!#anyways. don’t mind my rambling. I’m just trying to romanticize my own struggles rn#and it’s genuinely been very interesting to learn what helps and how my brain works!!!#idk I just think about it a lot. it means a lot to me rn.#also before anyone tells me I piss on the poor. obviously my experiences are not universal and will not apply to everyone#things that work for me might not work for you and that’s ok!! I wish you luck I love u!!!#tw ed#just a teensy implication#gem don’t look#arfid
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A Past DM movie adaptation focused on a vampire ripped from dehli, ex child prostitute, ex sex slave and art muse, ex cult victim, theater kid, saw games connoisseur, technology enthusiasts, liar, killer (ecc.) who falls in love with a drug addict journalist in the 80s asking the vampire to turn him again and again would unironically slap so hard. Something slow and with an outstanding photography made of dark brown silhouettes and reds and greens and deep yellows.
Literally ending with the memory wiping. Half romance half noir half thriller. Focusing on the drug/dance scene of the 80s. Mania, illness, the need to evade life and having your golden ticket right there but the monster wants you to live!!! The monster is there in the drug hen with you!! In the dark rooms in your home in your bed in your first wife face!!! The devil on your shoulder!!!
#Assad please manifest with me#assad i want you on the big screen you dont understand#i see a sudden new interest in the vampire genre given what about to come out but then again#it happens every few years with every supernatural creatures#ugh#anyway#this should have happened in the 90s.#Early EARLYYY 20s#half french production probably#I have a dream.#iwtv#armand#devils minion#interview with the vampire#daniel molloy#armandaniel#armanddaniel#also for cinema reason you dont need to show ALL of their past background#you can cut A LOT and it works#It works it has to be told in two hours#literally the need to be attached to iwtv would be ZERO. you can told the dm story alone. all the other iwtv and tvc things are add on
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my neurons are snapping like cat gut strings
#i dont often express this because i dont like being a negative wet ball about my art#but ive always been very hestitant to paint#i feel like im not really. cut out for it? my art process is usually very streamlined#and painting kinda takes away that restriction#but im finding my style.... this was a big step for me :-)#csp is very good for a loose approach to art#because i kind of fucking stand its stabilization settings#so a lot of my usual techniques are out of question with it#(i utilize high stabilization a lot when working in medibang)#so im having fun just winging it with my lovely 4 stabilization pencil brushes....#i like texture. csp has plenty of it#medibang brush settings arent as advanced so i was never really satisfied with my attempts there#anyways#im fucking boiling in acid i hate these two#keroro gunso#sgt frog#keroro#dororo#blood#knife
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well. did you fucking miss me.
#random thoughts#apologies for sounding in such a sour mood. life is fucked as of late.#scheduled post. i made this on 10.08.2024.#everything has just gone to shit. so far i've been eating less than ever. feels like my stomach is eating itself augh (':#(technically the so-called relapse started on 24.12.2023. but we are not unpacking that today or ever.)#and i am filled with this desperate urge to cut myself. really really deep. not sure how to cope with it#i also?? hate how i look??#and yet i spend all my time?? in this dark dark room?? taking pictures of my face?????#i'm not killing myself off just yet don't worry. i considered it but it won't be happening any time soon.#i originally planned on disappearing for twelve days. partly to make my friends feel bad because i'm awful#which. obviously didn't work. as i don't think anyone noticed or cared particularly.#but mostly because i can't fucking handle it. it being everything. my future feels so uncertain#i am barely alive. i love all the people in my life. but they're too far away physically and emotionally.#but yeah. back finally. although ciel disappears for a lot longer than me and if you know hym my absence would be a small stint.#ciel if you're here when i post this i love you please come back. ):#this place is so scary to come back to. i'm not sure why. i'm just. scared.#i'm not even sure if i want to return really. i'm having second thoughts now. i haven't gotten worse enough#and i can't say what that means. because in theory there's nothing wrong with me that's been speculated upon. so.#i don't think anyone would care if i disappeared for longer than this.#but being away is torture. and then again being here also sort of is. it's scary#fuck.#i can't get out of bed without feeling like shit. i don't know if i can come back. i'm so sick of everything.#if you're seeing this i'm so sorry.#I NEED TO CUT MYSELF I NEED TO CUT MYSELF NOW. I NEED TO. I MADE SO MANY PROMISES BUT I NEED TO DO IT NOW#I'VE GOT THE SCISSORS I NEED TO DO IT#I NEED TO DO IT RIGHT THE FUCK NOW#(<- tags canceled for now)
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Long Post about Savage Opress because I am Normal
Savage Opress, you are everything.
You are at your strongest when you are fighting to protect the people you love. You had to participate in a battle royale and subjected yourself to a fate worse than death in order to protect your brother. You were forced to kill the brother you fought so hard to protect, your last words to him as he begged for his life were 'You make (me) weak'.
You are Frankenstein's monster, a kinslayer. You just have to live with that. Your mistress isn't giving you a choice in the matter.
You were placed under the control of a cruel master/mistress twice in the span of like a week. You were forced to betray your master and (under your mistress's orders) you killed two jedi, making you an enemy of the two most powerful entities in the galaxy. You made these enemies against your own will. You were lightning spammed and abused to the point that you were able to break free of your mistress's control.
You are then attacked by these two random jedi you have never met. They seem intent on bringing you in. They stand besides each other and fight to protect each other. You are reminded of how you did the same for your own brother. You killed that brother.
You run to the only home you've ever known, the same home that treated you as lesser-than and transformed you into what you are now. Your home is destroyed, all of your sisters are dead. You are upset by this. They were the cause of your suffering, but they were still kin.
You are told that you have a remaining brother, one who can make you strong enough to protect yourself. You decide to travel across the galaxy to find him. You killed your last brother, you will do anything for this one.
You seem to create trouble everywhere you are now. You are now incapable of solving problems without violence, so violence is what you become. You become hatred. You had love once, but everything that you loved is dead. Except for your remaining brother. You do whatever you must to find him.
You find your brother. Your brother is delirious and half-dead, but he is your brother and you found him. You can fix this. Your brother sees you too, or at least he sometimes does. You are a reflection of him, of what he was meant to be. You are strong and powerful. Your brother is not anymore, but he will be soon.
Your mother, the same woman who took you and warped you into a monster (that is what everybody calls you now), fixes your brother. Your brother grabs your face and twists it, painfully examining your every pore. You don't begrudge him this. You have done the same to it. Your face isn't yours, but it is the only face you have.
Your brother screams for vengeance against Kenobi, he must have revenge. You must stand by your brother, he is all that is left. You embark on a quest of vengeance against a man you only briefly met.
You become everything your brother needs you to be. You are his protector, his sword, his second-in-command. You have love again and you will do anything to keep it this time.
Your brother is a terrible person. Your brother will massacre a village for the sake of getting Kenobi's attention. Your living brother is nothing like the one you killed. You aren't sure this is a good thing.
Your brother lures Kenobi to the village and you both capture him. Your mistress shows up and immediately sets about belittling you. You are the monster she and your mother created. You are not her thrall anymore, you can fight her now. You do exactly that.
Your mistress and Kenobi retreat, your brother chooses to bide his time. You will wait with him.
Your brother and you infiltrate a ship, finding a fortune of credits. You are happy with this, you have never seen this much money in your life. Your brother's only fortune is the downfall of Kenobi.
Your brother calls you apprentice, decides that is what your relationship is now. You don't see the need for dominance, you are brothers after all. Your brother disagrees and you will subject yourself to this for your brother's sake. You are a reflection of him, of all his past flaws. You are devoted to those you love and able to feel things other than vindictive glee or hatred. Your brother is not anymore, he might never be again.
You think your brother is incapable of love. You love him all the same.
You and your brother next run into Kenobi with another Jedi Master. You do not know her name nor anything about her. You kill her, goring her with your (far larger than they should be) horns and running her through with your lightsaber. Your master is not forcing your hand this time, you can finally choose to make an enemy of the Jedi. You would have been their enemy either way, but the false choice is comforting regardless.
You and your brother corner Kenobi. You think for a moment that you have gotten the upper-hand, then Kenobi cuts your arm off. Your body leaks green magic. Your mother's magic still holds power over you even after everything. You wish it didn't.
Your brother shoves Kenobi away from you and decides to retreat. You aren't sure if this is a sign of affection towards you or if this is a strategic move. Your brother speaks as if it's the latter. You see no reason to believe otherwise.
You manage to escape, but are left adrift in space. You are freezing and slowly running out of oxygen. Your home was warm and full of breatheable air. You are alone with only a brother who calls you 'apprentice' for company. Your home was filled with brothers who called you by your name or by 'brother'. You are alive. Your home and brothers are dead.
You next wake up in an unfamiliar place. You smash all the equipment around you. You are now incapable of solving problems without violence, so violence is what you have become. Your brother informs you that his plans have changed, and now you two will be working with Deathwatch. You have no idea what Deathwatch is or who your brother just made a deal with. You will follow him regardless.
You stand up and hit your head on the lamp above you. You were supposed to be shorter than you are now. Your body is wrong. You look in the mirror and you are not yourself. Your body isn't yours, but it is the only body you have.
Your brother takes over Mandalore. You watch as your brother marches Kenobi into the throne room and prepares to execute the Duchess of this planet.
Kenobi offers sympathy. Kenobi recognizes that your brother never had a choice in joining the dark side. Kenobi had gone to your village and seen what it is like for the nightbrothers. Kenobi, despite everything, is trying to be kind.
You hear your story in Kenobi's words. You never had a choice in any of this. You never stood a chance. Your body isn't yours, your mind has been warped and twisted into serving the goals of another. You only wanted to protect your brother.
Your brother kills the love of Kenobi's life. Your brother has stripped himself and you of any possible chance to take the olive branch Kenobi was extending. You ask if you should kill Kenobi now. You know that stewing in grief and guilt can be a terrible fate. Your brother decides to keep him imprisoned. Your brother is counting on the Kenobi stewing in his grief and guilt. Your brother wants to drag out his suffering for as long as possible.
Your brother is in charge for less than a rotation. Your brother panics and bows before a withered old man, calling him 'master'. Your brother lies and fawns to his master. Your brother's master does not care.
You have never met this man before. You have no reason to fight him. Your brother is terrified of him. Your brother grovels before nobody, but he bows before this man. You don't have to do this.
Your brother needs you. You draw your weapon.
You manage to get a hit in on your brother's master. You are one of very few in the galaxy who can say that. You are at your strongest when you are fighting to protect the people you love.
You are stabbed in both your hearts. Your efforts to protect your brother, your pain and suffering, your love and affection, you, Savage Opress, you don't matter. You didn't know it, but you were fighting the most powerful being in the galaxy.
You never had a choice. You never stood a chance.
You die thinking you were unworthy of your brother. Your brother never said or did anything to make you think otherwise. You die calling yourself apprentice, that is the relationship your brother wanted. Your brother holds your hand as you die, it is trembling. You aren't sure if it is from grief or hatred. You decide it must be the latter. Your brother is only capable of hatred.
You knew your brother was incapable of love. You loved him all the same.
You don't know that you might have been the only thing your brother cared about besides his vengeance. You don't know that when you are unconcious he calls you by your name, he calls you brother. You don't know that he nearly killed the Death Watch soldiers, but stopped when they threatened you. You couldn't know. Your brother never told you.
You don't know that he uses his grief as fuel for his duel with Sidious. You don't know that he switches his ire away from Kenobi and decides that his former master is a more pressing target of his hatred You don't know that he spends the rest of his days trying to find a new apprentice to fill the hole you left and that it never works. You will never know. You are dead.
You died realizing you were nothing like your brother. You never were. Your body shrinks down, you finally look like yourself again. You can't be happy about this. You can't take relief in the fact that all the magic which ruined your life has been dispelled. You can't feel anything. You are dead.
You are right. You are nothing like Darth Maul. Your brother is motivated by hatred, you are motivated by love. Your brother will die having found peace, you died having found nothing but pain and grief and yet more pain.
You are my favorite magical girl and you have suffered so much more than Jesus.
#star wars the clone wars#Savage Opress#darth maul#obi wan kenobi#star wars#the clone wars#hey guys I think I have a new special interest#this is very bad. I have enough.#Savage isn't even my favorite Star Wars character. and I have THIS MUCH TO TALK ABOUT IN ONE POST#He IS my favorite character who doesn't make it out of Clone Wars. He is a CW only character and I am sad about that#When I heard that Maul was supposed to hallucinate him in Twins Suns but it was cut for time...AGONY#I get it but AGONY#But fr Savage is actually the most tragic character to me specifically.#this is obviously a lot of extrapolation from the stuff we're given in canon/my interpretation of it#but Savage is never allowed to emotionally react to things or even think about what's happened to him sooo#and Ventress never really explains how nightsister shit works either soooo idk I'm doing my best here#I haven't even touched on the fact that the transformation seems to have fucked with his intellect as well#his body isn't his and neither is his fucking mind. oh my god this man#he is a disability metaphor to me <3#you'd think I'm in love with this man the way I talk about him but I'm literally not into him at all I'm a fucking lesbian#I just think he's neat and also really sad and also jfc WHY AREN'T MORE PEOPLE TALKING ABOUT THIS MAN????#I will also never be over Obi-Wan trying to empathize with Maul as Maul is about to kill Satine. He is so fucking cool actually#And I will never not yell at the screen about how Savage would have been a good Jedi but he never got the FUCKING CHANCE#I'll stop now
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wip wednesday
In the drifting silence of his empty apartment, Shen Wei presses the door shut, turns the lock. And then, like his body was waiting until he was alone, his legs give out. Shen Wei tips/topples against/into the wall, sinks down to sitting on the front mat/in the entryway. He sits there for a long time, curled into himself with his arms around his knees. The whole time, his body braced for the sound of Zhao Yunlan’s door opening, the sound of footsteps crossing the hall. Waiting, again, for Kunlun to return to him. But no sound comes from outside his door. At last, Shen Wei tips his head back against the wall, lets out a soft, streaming sigh. The sound trembles in the still air. It’s the closest he’s come to crying in years, that he can remember.
from the up draft of the answer fic. im cutting it veryyyyyy close to the deadline this time ahahaha (nervous!) but the writing is going relatively smoothly (knocks on wood) and i think it'll turn out pretty delicious!!
#weilan#shen wei#guardian#my fic#guardian bonus bingo 2024 prompt 5#wip wednesday#three days ................................. *cries a little bit*#its ok shockingly this feels ... doable. i also did structure this fic to be VERY striaghtforward for me:#sw pov / not much worldbuilding or plot / lots of flashback + canon constraints / no new characters / canon weilan#which IS a skill i wanted specifically to work on through guardian bingo this year so i'm quite happy with this!#i was thinking about this yesterday and in december 2023 it took me about a month to write 'the beginning of devotion' (roughly 3.8k)#and now it will be taking me about a week and a half to write this guy (roughly 3.2k)#without having to sacrifice process very much! i'm starting to learn where i can cut corners which is hehe. awesome#achieved at the expense of. much shrieking and interruption of various necessary rhythms of life haha. but. kind of cool to me#i might do a reflection post about how i think my process has changed this year bc it's definitely different (at least a little) than dec'2#it feels like. yknow. like i've figured out how to do the basic steps and now i'm adding flourishes and stuff#ok enough rambling lol if u've read this far i salute you
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