#I have a lot of issues
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*Insert clown emoji*
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One of my favorite DE lines is: "My point is, you need to see a psychiatrist about this shit. Not a psychologist -- several degrees harder. Is there something harder than a psychiatrist?" He pauses to think. "A forensic psychiatrist. Go talk to that."
While I don't see a forensic psychiatrist, I see a former forensic social worker because I have that many issues hahaha.
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tbh these past couple weeks have been really...peaceful. i feel a sense of levity and im a lot more calm typically. i feel really lax and free-feeling now. maybe its just because i love winter, and with things getting consistently cold here i dont have to worry about thermoregulating as much. maybe its my internship. maybe its because things at home have been....moderately normal. its still not great, and far from perfect, and i want out the second i can, but its the closest to normal its ever been. im the closest to normal ive ever been.
#kage rattles#im still not...happy /overall/#i have a lot of issues#and things still like frustrate me etc like im not completely happy 100% of the time bc no one is-#but im doing...okay. fine.#okay maybe 'normal' is not the best word for it#or for ME#but...my trauma and home life are...taking a bit of a back seat lately.#i dont feel as like. consumed by them. as i used to#and i know this wont last forever#i know some dumb shits gonna happen and probably ruin it and things will get worse at home again or something#but- for now- im choosing to enjoy this#ive noticed it in myself. periodically.#i mean...i spoke about something i /never/ speak about semi recently. it took 7 years to be able to just...mention that it happened.#without it being in the context of me having a breakdown.#its still hard. i still cant say his name.#but its...better. much much better.#gives me hope that maybe i can be okay. maybe one day i will be.#maybe...going back to school is closer than i thought. i would certainly like to#NOT like in a months time or something#but maybe sept next yr if my legal stuff is all settled??#it would be. nice :} i think i want to go back#i didnt hate school. never did.#i hate the school SYSTEM. but i like the school enviroment#and taking classes that are geared towards my interests and strengths will be good for me#senior year was really bad but that was because of home#otherwise i was typically a Fine student#go back for some general studies and get my grades up and then go into wherever fits best#thanatology/mortuary science interests me a lot and thats where i want to go most#however my lifelong interest in zoology may just prevail
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the funniest meltdown ive ever had was in college when i got so overstimulated that i could Not speak, including over text. one of my friends was trying to talk me through it but i was solely using emojis because they were easier than trying to come up with words so he started using primarily emojis as well just to make things feel balanced. this was not the Most effective strategy... until. he tried to ask me "you okay?" but the way he chose to do that was by sending "👉🏼👌🏼❓" and i was so shocked by suddenly being asked if i was dtf that i was like WHAT???? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?????????? and thus was verbal again
#yeehaw#1k#5k#10k#posts that got cursed. blasted. im making these tag updates after... 19 hours?#also i have been told it should say speech loss bc nonverbal specifically refers to the permanent state. did not know that!#unfortunately i fear it is so far past containment that even if i edited it now it would do very little. but noted for future reference#edit 2: nvm enough ppl have come to rb it from me directly that i changed the wording a bit. hopefully this makes sense#also. in case anyone is curious. though i doubt anyone who is commenting these things will check the original tags#1) my friend did not do this on purpose in any way. it was not intended to distract me or to hit on me. im a lesbian hes a gay man. cmon now#he felt very bad about it afterwards. i thought it was hilarious but it was very embarrassed and apologetic#2) “why didn't he use 🫵🏼?” didn't exist yet. “why didn't he use 🆗?” dunno! we'd been using a lot of hand emojis. 👌🏼 is an ok sign#like it makes sense. it was just a silly mixup. also No i did not invent 👉🏼👌🏼 as a gesture meaning sex. do you live under a rock#3) nonspeaking episodes are a recurring thing in my life and have been since i was born. this is not a quirky one-time thing#it is a pervasive issue that is very frustrating to both myself and the people i am trying to communicate with. in which trying to speak is#extremely distressing and causes very genuine anguish. this post is not me making light of it it's just a funny thing that happened once#it's no different than if i post about a funny thing that happened in conjunction w a physical disability. it's just me talking abt my life#i don't mind character tags tho. those can be entertaining. i don't know what any of you are talking about#Except the ppl who have said this is pego/ryu or wang/xian. those people i understand and respect#if you use it as a writing prompt that's fine but send it to me. i want to see it#aaaand i think that's it. everyday im tempted to turn off rbs on it. it hasn't even been a week
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Apparently this needs to be said so
Forgetting things is morally neutral! Memory issues are morally neutral!
You're not a bad person if you...
forget things quickly
forget people
can't remember entire stages of your life
can't remember important things
can remember some things very well and forget other things all the time
can't remember things (or anything!) about your interests
forget to eat, sleep, go to the bathroom, etc
forget to reply to texts
remember things and immediately forget them again
can't remember birthdays, events, etc
frequently answer 'I forgot' to questions
can't retain new information
forget things you used to know
only remember things when it's too late
have vague, distorted and/or unreliable memories
depend on others to know how an event you were in played out
have other symptoms that are worsened by memory issues and vice versa
... and anything else I might have missed!
#muted#memory issues#adhd#actually adhd#dissociative amnesia#amnesia#memory loss#dissociative identity disorder#what other things cause memory issues#ptsd#i can't think of anything else#reminder#positivity#neurodivergent#neurodivergent positivity#memory problems#ice speaks#i tried to include as many experiences as i could think of#but out of everything i tagged i only have adhd so i probably missed a lot of stuff#so feel free to add your own experiences!#brought to you by... uh ironically i can't remember what prompted me to write this#something my mom said. i don't remember what it was tho
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Michael is very subtle about his daddy issues in FNAF..
#myart#chloesimagination#comic#fnaf#five nights at freddy's#michael afton#henry emily#mike schmidt#fnaf movie#fnaf pizzeria simulator#fnaf fanart#HENRY AND MICHAEL INTERACTION 🔥🔥#I know a couple of folks have been asking for this!#so I’m glad I finally got around to it#Michael introduces Mike to his ‘dad’s friend’#TBH I do like the idea a lot that Michael considers Henry like a father figure#cause I always assumed the Aftons and Emilys were close#so Henry was the Afton’s kids uncle in a sense#and the idea Michael much preferred Henry over his own father just checks out#Henry is a failure of a father and Michael is a failure of a son#so truly they’d match on at least trauma bonding#definitely have to draw some pizza sim content of em working there#Mike can’t even really judge Michael here cause not like his daddy issues is any better
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learning moment (part 1)
early access + nsfw on patreon monster!AU masterpost
more explanation under the cut
I think that so far, Soap has clearly demonstrated himself to be the more emotionally intelligent one of the pair, but it doesn't mean he doesn't still get frustrated at times. He's also just an emotional guy, and is working himself up a bit. This is a difficult topic for him to want to remain calm over, and there's a lot of factors contributing to his reaction.
One big factor is that he is a werewolf and he sees things through the eyes of his human side and wolf side. The shades of grey that Ghost sees in the Mexico operation just isn't there for Soap - to him, Ghost's 'pack' was under attack and he successfully defended it (this 'pack instinct' is something he shares with Price). The fact that his wolf now considers Ghost his in some way also contributes to his upset over having to read about what happened to him in such a clinical way. Werewolves can be kind of irrationally territorial, and although Soap is used to reading reports just like this, the fact that it's concerning Ghost (in probably the most vulnerable state of his life) is raising his hackles.
It's not a fight, because at the end of the day, Soap isn't mad at Ghost, just at his circumstances. But he's basically just asserting some emotional boundaries here with Ghost (who is, for what it's worth, I'd say a bit surprised and mostly bemused here.)
#lots of reading in this one but its a layered situation#god they'll do anything other than communicate like normal people <3#ive been having a good time writing their relationship issues though#i think its just more realistic if its kind of a rocky touch and go process#simon ghost riley#john soap mactavish#ghostsoap#monster 141 au#giragi art
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Chara knows something that we don't, methinks...
BONUS COMIC
FIRST - PREVIOUS - NEXT
MASTERPOST (for the full series / FAQ / reference sheets)
#undertale#deltarune#utdr#crossover#crossover comic#undertale fanart#deltarune fanart#twin runes#twin runes comic#twin runes au#my art#chara#susie deltarune#ralsei#yeah the mirror aesthetic wasn't JUST for show#I knew from the start I wanted to incorproate a maze into this dark world as a way to split up characters#and make them confront their internalized issues#it's traumatizing#but also healing in a way#buuuuuuuut we don't know how kris and frisk have been dealing with this#they might have a lot of baggage to take care of....
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@staff if you [change] the [design] of the fucking [dashboard] i will kill you
edit. i want it on the actual post that i am not actually making a de-th threat against the staff. that's shitty. the caption quotes the fucking costco hot dog meme, which i originally said in the tags. if any staff member sees this please do Not take it personally
#dashboard#staff#tumblr update#comic#art#doodles#costco ceo about the price of a hot dog.png#i refuse to believe this is a real problem that site owners think people have#frankly i refuse to believe people had this issue with deviantart before eclipse#i am sorry you have to put about 15 minutes of effort into understanding a new website. feel better soon#my main blog doesn't have it yet but i logged into here to make this post and. i have it#this is fucking terrible. it would ahve been really really funny for april fools day but not as a permanent change#i hate it a Lot. i hate it so fucking much. oh . my god.#edit - guys i amnot actually sending de*th threats to staff it's the costco hot dog meme
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if you post an image in discord itll round the corners, but once you hit a certain smallness it rounds into a circle. so basically if you make an image that is 32x32 and you post it in discord itll go from this
to this.
so you basically can just draw a little face in mspaint or something and paste it into discord and itll look like a little emoji. you can potentially mess around with this a lot, its proportional to your image going smaller and it doesnt have to be a square either.
#I THINK THIS HAS A LOT OF FUN POTENTIAL#discord#i am reblog locking this bc i lack the ability to properly issue corrections (see replies)#and also because getting notes like this causes me some distress#please feel free to issue a version of this post that is more accurate yourself (any reader)#but i will refrain#i still think its fun tho i initially noticed this at the 16 scale where it works regardless#just have fun and express yourself in a carefree manner
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When I was in fourth grade, I wanted to be in the school choir, so I tried auditioning. I’ve always loved singing, but at the time I didn’t had any vocal training or preparation (I still don’t) but I remember practicing with my mom and grandma a lot, they did participate on choirs, so they taught me a few tricks.
I was new at that school and I had transferred due to bullying and high pressure from teachers who didn’t understand ADHD, a lot of stuff went down in my previous school, stuff I didn’t realize how badly it hurtes me until now that I’m an adult, stuff that made me a very shy little girl. But I was so excited to audition nonetheless.
A friend came with me for “support” to the audition, it was during recess. 
The music teacher started playing and my friend sang with me… No, she out sang me. She was already on the choir and had been for years. She had a great voice (I think she still does, I’ve lost any contact with her) and she used to laugh at me whenever I sang, so I stopped singing in front of people except family.
But I loved singing, I still do sing as hard as I can.
But I hate listening to my recorded voice.
I still have trouble believing people complimenting my voice when I happened to sing in the car.
Whenever I get a compliment I have a weird feeling of wanting more but not wanting to sound conceited
Whats is this emotion?
#macaknight openes up about untouched trauma#just kidding#unless?#I have a lot of issues#adhd feels#adhd stuff#part of healing your inner child is learning how hurt your inner child is
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given cass's canonical love of reality tv, I am absolutely certain that every year babs has to go into cbs's recruitment email and delete her survivor audition video
#cass watching people pass out from malnutrition and heat stroke while doing endurance challenges: skill issue#she'd way less good at the social side of things in that a lot of people would hate her for being an asshole#but also she'd always know when they're lying to her and also be 30x smarter than they've underestimated her to be#also I think she'd be good at finding immunity idols#honestly I think people would want her in their alliances for her inability to lose at challenges in the first half of the game#and then be utterly blindsided by how sneaky and clever she is in the back half#and she'd literally always have immunity so like#cassandra cain#this deserves to be in the tag I'm RIGHT#if you saw that I said the cw in the first version of this post no I didn't
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pros of keeping records of your old writing: whenever you refer back to it you will experience the unparalleled gratification of being able to see just how much progress you've made. you may even find yourself revisiting ideas you had that you didn't have the skills to fully realise at the time, but have since developed enough to renew your efforts.
cons of keeping records of your old writing: you will find yourself constantly mortified and tormented by the words of the stupidest most ignorant shit idiot currently drawing breath on earth, and that person is you
#🐉#been revisiting a lot of my old oc/worldbuilding work lately#and jesus christ man. i was such an immature dumbass with a lot of internalised issues.#but hey at least i have the opportunity to change that now and learn from it
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"Did you just spritz the Spider Queen?!"
-Critical Role Campaign 3, Episode 93, "Bittersweet Reunions"
#critteredit#criticalroleedit#cr spoilers#critical role#opal#lolth#aabria iyengar#aimee carrero#mine#campaign 3#exandria unlimited#i have a lot i want to gif but look im exhausted with my health issues right now#let me sleep and then ill get back to it
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X
#I just wrote that whole post about being a glass child and would y’all believe me that that’s like only half the reason I’m fucked up?#God let a person with severe BPD and a person with serve AVPD have an autistic child#(if you don’t know basic psychology you literally could not get a worse combination of illnesses look it up the basic symptoms I’m not#fucking joking it’s almost laughable)#and then let them have a ‘normal’ younger sibling#that mf then sat back and laughed smoking a cigarette thinking ‘this one should be interesting’#would you believe me after writing that that I’m casually Christian?#I have a lot of issues#why do you think I’ve been in therapy since I was 8 and am only now at like a basic functioning with emotions adult and still need years to#be a healthy one?#no it’s literally insane#and then I have no one to talk to because people either have a parent with bpd or a special needs sibling#fuckjng no one has both because it’s an insane concept#so I can’t talk to anyone and no one understands how insane it was#good times#like it’s funny but it isn’t but it is#rae’s rambles
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Cite your sources.
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#jin guangshan#jiang cheng#lan wangji#mianmian#Jiang Cheng stays quiet after JGS says his foul little lie about WWX not respecting or liking him.#And because it's an audio format there isn't any other information we get on what he does.#Probably sit there in silence. Fermenting on his festering abandonment issues.#I think JC has a bit of a delicate heart when it comes to the last few things he has to hold on to.#And damn if JGS can see right into that weakness. He's got a mercury tongue. Silvery and poisonous.#I know LWJ makes his rebuttal more for preserving WWX's face than reassuring JC.#But I also know they *did* team up in the past and they do have a lot in common. And canonically can't stand each other.#They are my funny little duo and I'm the one drawing the comic. I can bake my own crumbs.#Would LWJ actually comfort JC? I don't think he knows how to comfort anyone actually. Not even himself.#JC is struggling so badly in this meeting. I'm glad there are other people in this awful meeting to tag in while he has a quiet cry.#Who's ready for Mianmian to go off next comic? Let's give a 'GET HIS ASS GIRL' to our queen!
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