#I have a full playlist on my phone this is just what fits best

[jihyoruri]

what are some of your stardom headcanons? sorry I love this group sm

oh em gee I love this ask (there’s are more like fun facts and little moments)

★ ͘ ⴰSTARDOM — headcanons

—★ ͘ ⴰ when yuri and yn first met when they were trainees they hated each other but now they’re the closest.

—★ ͘ ⴰ eunjin is everyone’s safe place, even though she’s rlly quiet the girls love spending time with her (yn is always barging into her room and just staying there and hana is constantly bothering and trolling her)

—★ ͘ ⴰ because they’re nintendo ambassadors they like to carry any type of nintendo handheld with them everywhere (yuri likes shoving her twitch in cameras at the airport)

—★ ͘ ⴰ yn and yuri booked a flight to la without anyone knowing to go to kendrick lamar’s pop out show and how sm found at was seeing videos of them on the floor with other celebrities having the time of their lives.

—★ ͘ ⴰ when summer brought the girls to her old neighborhood in new york while they were trainees they loved seeing the houses and shops that was until they saw some crazy stuff and summer didn’t even flinch while yn called her cousin (wonyoung to book her a flight).

—★ ͘ ⴰ hana has a habit of stealing the members’ clothes and pretending they’re hers. eunjin caught her wearing her Miu Miu jacket during a live stream but decided to let it slide when fans kept commenting how cute Hana looked in it.

—★ ͘ ⴰ summer is the group’s unofficial “mom.” she’s always checking if everyone has eaten, but ironically, she’s also the one who loses her phone or wallet at least once a week.

—★ ͘ ⴰ eunjin loves photography and takes polaroid pictures of the members during everything they do. stardom fans always beg her to release a photobook, but she prefers keeping the memories private for the group.

—★ ͘ ⴰ yuri is known for sleepwalking during tour schedules. during their japan showcase, she ended up in yn’s hotel room, and the two had a full (nonsensical) conversation that yn secretly recorded and played back to everyone the next morning.

—★ ͘ ⴰ yn and eunjin have a habit of going out late at night for street food without the manager’s permission. fans have spotted them eating tteokbokki in random alleys at least twice, and sm has issued “warnings” to them each time.

—★ ͘ ⴰ yn is obsessed with journaling. she has a sparkly pink notebook where she writes her thoughts, sticks polaroids, and doodles cute notes about the members. yuri once snuck a peek and found a sketch of her, yn now makes sure to hide in better places.

—★ ͘ ⴰ eunjin has a calming playlists for each member that fits their vibe that she plays for the members when they’re stressed.

—★ ͘ ⴰ yn loves surprising the members with coffee runs during practice sessions, but she always messes up hana’s order. hana once jokingly told fans, “she’s a great leader, but she has no idea how I like my coffee.”

—★ ͘ ⴰ eunjin is lowkey obsessed with true crime documentaries. she sometimes shares creepy facts with the members late at night, especially hana to get back at her for all her trolling.

—★ ͘ ⴰ eunjin is the best at keeping secrets, but when the members plan surprise parties, she gets so anxious about keeping it hidden that she starts avoiding the person they’re celebrating. yn once asked on live “why does eunjin hate me this week?” only to walk into her surprise birthday party later that night.

—★ ͘ ⴰ summer collects old cds and cassette tapes from thrift stores. she even convinced sm to let them film part of a music video in a vintage record store.

—★ ͘ ⴰ yn is a huge perfectionist when it comes to choreography. she often stays late at the practice room to fine-tune every move, and yuri always stays behind with her, saying, “you’re not suffering alone.”

—★ ͘ ⴰ yn and summer are THE vocal duo and are known for their pre debut duets.

—★ ͘ ⴰ hana keeps a “snack stash” in her bag that she shares with fans during fan signs. the company has tried to ban her from giving out snacks, but she always finds a way around it.

—★ ͘ ⴰ eunjin secretly loves plushies but pretends to dislike them. the members leave random plushies on her bed, and she keeps all of them, saying, “they’re there for decoration.”

—★ ͘ ⴰ yn has an impressive collection of vinyl records. she often plays them while journaling or brainstorming choreography ideas. yuri always jokes that yn has an old soul.

—★ ͘ ⴰ summer can’t handle spicy food, but she always challenges herself to eat it anyway. during a mukbang, she started crying after one bite of spicy ramen, and yn had to finish the bowl for her.

—★ ͘ ⴰ hana is known for her laugh which sounds more like a cackle. whenever she laughs, the other members start laughing harder.

—★ ͘ ⴰ yn is a secret night owl and often stays up sketching designs for stardom’s next concept. summer once found her asleep at the table with doodles of retro outfits scattered around.

—★ ͘ ⴰ yuri made handmade bracelets for all the members during their trainee days. they all still wear them during important events as a good luck charm.

[hybbart]

Do you listen to music while drawing? If you wanna share, I'd be really interested! Also related - do you think the music influences your art?

I do! It depends how hard I gotta concentrate, sometimes when I'm in the early sketching stage and I'm thinking a lot, especially a comic, I gotta not, and sometimes if I'm not thinking at all like doing lineart I put videos on in the bg. But most of the time I listen to music. (Also sometimes when I'm super duper stressed or overwhelmed and I'm drawing to calm down I listen to the music I have on my phone or play meditation music from youtube on it, just to get my headset off my head.)

I have a couple of playlists that are just some specific songs that are a mood, usually less wordy songs from OSTs or kawaii future bass type stuff. Sometimes though I just let my music play starting from like the most recent 30 or so I added so it's usually a jumbled mess. Occassionally if a particular song inspires a mood and I'm too lazy to search if I have any songs similar enough I just play that song on repeat until it's done. Recent songs I did this with are the Dandadan full opening and Osmanthus featuring Ado (which is one of those modern songs that are obnoxiously short so... I heard that quite a few times! I was given a couple songs similar enough to it that I made a playlist though including Okayu's cover of Flos)

I mostly listen to japanese music- current fav artists are Ado and Zutomayo- but I'll listen to most anything. I have a raau playlist that's basically "what do raau ranchers listen to while driving" that's mostly country music like the chicks and johnny cash. Recently I downloaded a bunch of late 90s and early 2000s music I hadn't gotten for some reason like barenaked ladies and linkin park and green day after my notepad doc I use to write songs I hear down got a bit full after a drive with my dad.

I'd say it influences my art when I let it. I can put it on as background noise or I can let it set a tone. Maybe it's not so much that it influences my art as it is that I am in a certain mood and I put on music that fits that mood. If I wanna draw something soft and pastel I'm not exactly putting on techn9ne or man with a mission! And if I wanna draw something actiony I don't usually play imogen heap or carly rae jepson. I'll make a temporary playlist. If I'm not in any particular mood, though, I'll just let my music play whatever in order added and become background noise. Usually it all ends up back at the masic block of shemusic at the start lol. I guess they're my best of queens.

(That said there are songs- mostly dance songs or musical OSTs- that I cannot listen to while drawing. I Just end up distracted and either singing or dancing...)

Uuuh this ended up longer than needed. remind me not to answer asks right as I wake up...

[xstrawberryshiftsx]

How I met my better cr s/o PT1

based off a dream and a playlist!

part two!

Dove: that’s me! (I’m obvs not using my real name, plus my irl one is pretty weird so it suits lol)

Caster: my s/o

James: casters bestfriend

Bell: Casters twin sister

Jade, Min-Jun, Cindy, Clay: my best friends/friend group

I found this playlist on Spotify and my mind has never been more pleased

also no judgement this is super Mary sue and cringey but let me live

‘who’s that chick?’

James asked as he crushed his Up&Go in his hand before trying to throw it-and miss-into the trash bin

‘I don’t fucking know’

Caster replied not looking up from his phone, it was like 8:30 and he didn’t have the energy for James gossip.

‘nah-mate seriously’ he jabbed Caster in the shoulder impatiently, he didn’t answer but put his phone down and looked in the direction that James was pointing to.

it was a girl-she was a golden blonde and light eyed, freckles littered her cheeks and she looked around 5’3-5’5. She was laughing loudly, holding one of her friends hands and Caster noticed that when she smiled two dimples showed and that she had slightly pointer then average canines.

‘Wow a girl-crazy’ he rolled his eyes sarcastically.

James rambled on for a moment about blondes and how the school never got new people-which was definitely not true, they lived in Sydney there was always gonna be new people.

The girl was surrounded by one of the main groups in the school year, this wasn’t an American movie and there wasn’t really a ‘popular’ group but they where some of the friendliest and well known people in the year, Clay, Min-jun, Cindy and Jade circled around her in a weird bubble, Cindy pointed around the school yard showing her random sections and Min-Jun not so subtly gestured to random people and telling her about them.

‘anyway-that’s why I think brunettes are wife material and blondes are friend material’

Sighing Caster turned away from the girl and back to his friend

‘wow that’s crazy interesting dude-really deep’

not understanding the sarcasm James grinned and nodded looking pleased with himself

‘still tho what a babe’

TIMESKIP

Dove watched as her friends chatted on the train ride home, she’d known these guys since kindy but it was weird to finally been in the same actual school.

‘hey you all good?’ Clay asked suddenly noticing her quietness

the others looked up to her direction

‘hmm? Yeah I’m good thanks! Just been a long day’ she replied softly

‘I’ve got headphones if you wanna listen to some music and have some down time?’ Cindy said smiling as she rested a head on Doves shoulder.

‘Nah it’s okay-mine and Jades stop is soon-thanks tho’

Nodding Cindy got off her shoulder and turned to discuss some politics thing with Min-Jun. Eventually the train stopped and Jade and her both got off waving goodbye to their friends as they did.

…

‘so…-what’d you think about the school?’

‘oh! Uh-it’s nice-loud and full on but nice I guess’

Jade took Doves hand as they walked through their street the streets lights shining down on them.

Jade had moved in with Dove a few months back after her family decided to move back to England-jade had had a right fit about it and ended up staying behind to her delight.

‘As long as your happy’ Jade smiled, the street lights shone on her dark thick curls making them shine in golden light, everything about Jade was beautiful-from her golden brown doe eyes to her smile…a perfect picture.

‘I’m always happy’ Dove replied squeezing Jades hand

‘yeah-I know’

‘Oi-Cass!’

Bell barged into Casters room holding a twenty dollar note in her hand.

He looked up from his desk his night glasses resting on his nose

‘what?!’ He groaned shutting his laptop and looking over at his twin.

Bell and Cass were eerily similar-only in appearance of course- they both had 1C dark hair and almost black eyes, they were pale and tall, the only difference was Bell was a decent person to be around.

‘I’m on my period…I-uh would personally be super appreciate if you decided to go to the corner store and buy me some snacks’ Bell crossed her arms and handed him the twenty dollars.

Sighing Cass got up from his chair.

‘yeah okay-what do you want?’

Dove stared at their bedroom ceiling tracing the patterns with her eyes as she did. They turned over in her bed and twisted around trying to get comfortable. her uncle had recommended her to go to bed earlier but she couldn’t find it in herself to fall asleep.

she pulled on a jacket over her pjs and hopped out of bed walking out of her bedroom and through the halls and into the kitchen to where her uncle was having a beer

‘hey I’m going to the general store is that okay?’ She asked grabbing her wallet on the counter.

he looked up and smiled

‘sure pickle, just stay in the open streets and don’t be out for long-oh and keep your phone turned on’

Dove smiled and nodded before walking out the door

…

the door jingled as Cass walked through the store, going straight to the Asian snack section.

he looked down at the list Bell gave him

A cup of ramen (spicy beef flavour)

Two cans of melon soda

oreo and strawberry pocky sticks

Bin Bin rice crackers

white rabbit candy

‘Uh-um’

Cass looked up realising he was blocking the aisle

‘oh sorry-‘ it was the girl-the new girl from school, he stared at her not expecting to meet her especially not here, he decided to be polite for once and start a conversation.

‘your the new girl right-uh Daisy?’ He didn’t mean it but his voice came out uninterested and mean

‘Dove-my names Dove…not daisy’ she said awkwardly not really in the mood for a chat

‘huh-that’s a weird fucking name’ again he didn’t mean to sound so off putting but he always somehow ended up with that tone

‘Excuse me? No need to be a cunt’

she tilted her head at him confused at his staring and comments, she narrowed her eyes before walking past him.

the boy was cute-and tall but she was put off by his weird gaze, plus what a dick. He watched as she walked past him straight towards the pocky section-he watched in horror as she grabbed both the last strawberry and the last Oreo pocky box.

Against his better judgement he spoke

‘wait-uh do you really have to get those…ones?’ she turned around looking at him an eyebrow raised

‘Huh?’ She didn’t say it meanly but it was clear she was on edge

‘the pocky-those are the last two’

‘Well your obviously blind since there’s like a bunch here’ she gestured to the wall behind them

‘yeah but I need those two’ he said feeling impatient-he was cold and he could already feel Bells comment if he came back late AND without her favourite pocky flavours.

‘No one needs anything’ Dove scowled crossing her arms and glaring up at him

He laughed clearly frustrated

‘yeah well your wrong cause I need those’

Scoffing Dove walked past him and straight to the checkout

‘hey-wait please’ he groaned-shit, his mum was right his attitude was beginning to be a problem.

Dove walked out the door pleased with themselves leaving Caster alone in the shop defeated

@starrihideshere @livingsecret @ottaorca @gaiaexploreslife @catschasingstars @lovebvni @morganshifts @chloesreality @zipperrants

PT2?

this is super cringey and I absolutely hate myself for writing this 💀

[charmercharm3r]

Phases

LMH, HJS

Masterlist, Story Masterlist

Story synopsis: Whoever said patience is a virtue have never met Jisung and Minho.

warnings: smut, explicit sexual content, poly!minsung x fem!reader, lots of kissing and groping lol, more specific warnings in individual chapters

PREVIEW, Phase One

“Y– you wanna kiss me?” Jisung’s eyes widened, pads of his fingers coming up to press against his lips.

Taking his hand away, you guided it to your neck the way he did to you earlier. “Since we’re being honest, I can’t stop thinking about that night, you and him.” His grip tightened just a little as your hand splayed over his chest and slowly rose up. “Can I? Kiss you?”

“Oh my god, I’ve been waiting for you to as–”

Jisung pulled you into him before he could finish his thought, slotting against you with ambition. He felt just as you imagined him, eager but mindful in how to hold you, letting you set the tone with just closed mouth smooches as the sounds of your lips smacking bounced off the bedroom walls. Both his hands found their way into your hair and pulled you impossibly closer until your body fell onto him entirely. You didn’t know what to do with yourself, kissing your best friend until you were both breathless and needy, knowing better than to do anything more.

But oh, how you wanted to. You wanted to kiss him everywhere, make him cower into the sheets and make him feel how much you loved him. There was just too much right now, too much to be figured out. A night of desire wasn’t worth a lifetime of friendship.

So as you pulled away, reluctant Jisung whining and chasing after you for more, you let your forehead rest against his and let out a satisfied laugh. “Slow,” you whispered, letting him pepper kisses to your cheeks.

“Can’t we just jump to phase three?” He breathed against your skin.

“What’s phase three?”

Jisung’s lips made their way down your neck, his tongue leaving wet streaks the further he descended. “You, me, Min, a big ass bed covered in rose petals and candle light. Maybe a kick ass playlist to set the mood–”

The sound of your phone ringing made the both of you jump as if you were being caught doing something illegal. You broke into another fit of giggles when you found out it was Minho calling you. “Hey, pretty boy,” you answer him with a grin, still looking down at Jisung who stared up at you fondly.

“Jesus, Y/N. Are you okay? Why haven’t you been answering? Are you home? I– I’ve tried calling you for days–”

“Two days, Min.”

“Days. It’s been days.” Jisung could hear his voice booming through the phone, laughing and shrugging at how it’s the same thing he’d told you.

“I’m okay.” You eased his worries with two simple words, hearing him sigh on the other end of the call.

“You’re okay,” Minho repeated, relieved.

There was a pause in his breathing, probably unsure of what to say as he walked on eggshells. You knew this about him, he needed careful approaching, as Minho doesn’t like what he doesn’t already know. “I’m coming over tomorrow,” you stated.

“I’d be upset if you didn’t.”

Chuckling lightly, you let Jisung bring your fingertips to his lips and press a kiss to them. As you smiled at the man beneath you, you spoke into the phone, “love you.”

“Whatever… Love you, too.”

“Love you, too!” Jisung yelled into the speaker before you hung up, hearing Minho let out a strangled call of the other boy’s full name and the line went dead.

-

A/N: ahhh this has been a story on my mind for a longggg time and i finally have motivation to write it! part 1 is almost ready to be posted, just need to edit and such so if you like this preview and wanna be notified when it’s up, leave a comment and i’ll tag you for the future chapters!

tags: @sensitiveandhungry @babebatter @aliferousminho @changbinluvr @epiphanynaffit @fawnpeaks @linovely @dumplinbokkieracha @finnydraws @naturules @djeniryuu @hamburgers101 @skzhomiehopper @yesv01 @hyunjinsamdl @lyramundana

[clatterbane]

I really am an idiot sometimes.

A little while ago, I referred somebody else to one of the videos from this playlist, because they really are helpful. I got a lot of good out of them as a new wheelchair user. Then I decided to check out a few more that I don't think I had watched before:

Then I got to this one!

️BATHROOM WHEELCHAIR TRANSFERS

...And immediately started coveting her very practical setup.

A lot of things are easier for me, with full use of my lower body minus a foot. I'm thankfully fine without any kind of help--or am I really? 😮‍💨

We have been in this place for 3 years come Christmas time, and this here's the extent of my own showering arrangement:

That's it! I've got the same slightly wobbly-feeling stool that I got to fit into our roughly phone booth sized shower stall back in London, which will luckily slide back in under the sink out of the way when it's not needed. Plus a dedicated brush to make it easier to scrub out that deep tub. (Which I did indeed mark with tape, to try and make sure nobody uses it for anything else! 😬)

Sometimes I will skip the seat, and just haul my wet slippery carcass in and out of the bottom of the tub. I rarely want to soak, but it works pretty well to spray yourself off that way. But, especially if I don't feel like scrubbing the tub before plonking my bare ass into it? It is usually the seat for me.

The usual transfer situation is not the best! Especially getting out when everything is wet. Putting my towel on the edge of the tub on the way out helps, but that's also sorta slippy in its own way.

Yeah, I think some grab bars really would be a good plan in there, all things considered.

I do have one foot, and the other one is supremely unlikely to grow back. I am sadly not a crawfish. This is not a temporary accessibility need, either.

A bench-style seat like she's using would probably also make things easier, now that we do have a tub to support one. Should feel less precarious scrambling in and out of there. I would need to leave the shower curtain outside of the tub with the bench blocking its path on the inside, but full wet rooms are standard for apartments here! (All the better not to flood your neighbors, basically.)

The fact that this IS an apartment is one of the reasons I've shied away from drilling any holes in the walls in here so far--like to mount grab bars. But, this is not a rental. And even if it were, pretty sure nobody had better try to complain about someone who needs bathroom grab bars drilling to install them in Sweden either.

(I think the municipality is even technically supposed to be on the hook for supplying adaptive equipment like that, though I would really rather not try to deal with bureaucracy when what I need is maybe $50 total worth of hardware from a Lowe's equivalent and the existing drill. I was just pricing some.)

But yeah, I don't think the apartment drilling has been anywhere near my main mental hangup in this case. It's probably more to do with that nasty tendency to feel like if I remotely CAN manage, that somehow obligates me to stubborn my way forward and push through the hard way.

The real kicker? I haven't been showering as often as I probably should, because it IS a more difficult and dangerous proposition than it needs to be. I make sure I don't stink--and I WILL notice before anyone else if I do. (Shitty superpowers...) But yeah, it really hasn't been ideal and I have been feeling guilty about that too.

In a similar situation, I would strongly recommend that literally anybody else get some freaking grab bars and a better seat into their bathroom. I'd install it for them if they needed help, because jfc. I really do not need to break my own fool head--or anything else!--in the bathroom either. And I don't somehow deserve for that to happen. 😑 If anything, extra stable supports are probably an even better idea since I have always been such a klutz anyway.

Going to bring the minor bathroom renovations up with Mr. C, yeah. May actually send him this, and save some venting. Not that there seems to be any shortage of that.

[gala-xyzz]

I HAVE ASSEMBLED A FUCKTON OF SONG LYRICS FOR TITLES AND SHIT HERE YOU ALL GO

at some point i will put all of these songs and more into a playlist :D

"i made a bunch of friends so i could use them as excuses to get drunk" (time of my life by upsahl)

"so ten lives were traded for time… say ten times you looked me in the eyes… held your breath watching them die" (broken by kongos)

"phantoms keep ringing my phone to remind me that i'm still alone" (bad medicine by the upstart crows)

"i don't even care if my soul is gone" (take control of your own life by sven karlsson)

"if i only had your heart i could beat the system… i never really cared for tragic stories, i just liked the endings" (come around by omri)

"i then saw the gates of hell, they were lined with golden amplifiers… they were calling out my name but i could not be found… i was falling though the flames in such a lovely sound" (heart of a dancer by the happy fits)

"why do you feel right when you know it's so wrong?… all you're breaking is drywall… all you feel is what you can't admit" (fight club by fitzy)

"they will sell you a dream for a dollar ninety-nine" (good life by shayfer james)

"the beating of a heart that i hid beneath the floor" (for the departed by shayfer james)

"was it something i said that kept you up in your head?… don't be scared of death, death is scared of you" (monsters by run river north)

"and i'm so scared that all of my worst fears have followed me out here" (american blood by dead poet society)

"you weren't ready to meet the angels" (when you fall by oceanic)

"the city's like a drum ringing in my ear" (my my by magic giant)

"what shall we do with a pretty liar?" (double denim by skylar)

"bleeding hands can make a man… this is birth in reverse, this is sacred" (a good thing by kyle stibbs)

"can you feel my heart, or are you a liar?" (aura by dionysia)

"i didn'y kill my demons to be killed by yours" (bones by the rills)

"a hit of this, a sip of that, a bit of every sin" (pleasure by midnight ambassador)

"save your blessing because heaven ain't a place for me" (seventies by modern alibi)

"there's a reason why you're a one-track mind" (parachute by second thoughts)

"leave me a soul, only by definition, i don't want to feel anything… that money won't bring happiness, but let me ask what does… if i can't have justice i might as well join the unjust" (nunemaker's parable by everybody's worried about owen)

"if you loved us then you'd leave, if you leave you're a liar" (oh my by cxviolet)

"what i need is not what i want" (in a blink by the glass pyramids)

"i could come back and my cold heart still beats… and my heart it keeps getting colder" (dressed in violets by hometown & young)

"i won't cry, i won't wait for you… a hole in the ground or the talk of the town?" (for the wicked by friday pilots club)

"all my life i've been heading for hell… but haven't you heard? hearts turn to dirt" (we have it all by pim stones)

"everything you want in twenty-four hours, but nothing you need" (concrete jungle by au/ra)

"what's the price of perfection? i won't know until i've paid in full" (after me, the flood by bear ghost)

"i'll be your muse, now take what i offer… i am the way and the life in the best-looking truth" (mr rattlebone by matt maeson)

"i heard he'll drink your blood just for the taste… and all the dead are gonna play witness" (dear dictator by saint motel)

"when you always want more there's nothing to gain" (city of angels by em beihold)

[burninlovebutler]

27 - The First Close Call // Forever Winter Series

pairing: austin x fem!oc (elsie) | word count: 3k-ish

warnings: core origin story anchors, alcohol, FLUFF, typical sad undertones, talks of cheating, cringey bedroom concerts, lightly inspired by maroon by taylor swift lol, 18+ MDNI

summary: when elsie wakes up the day after new year’s eve with both austin & nox no where to be found, she sits with the questions racing through her head. an unlikely item transports her to a memory that may hold the answers she seeks.

previous chapter -> 26 - NYE pt. 2 - Say It Again**

see masterlist for chapter log or other works

vibes: forever winter playlist ❄️

We never talk about what's going on We're casual, we're nothing

We're the furthest thing from love Until we drink

We’re just friends Until we drink

-ELSIE-

I stirred awake bringing a curled fist to rub the sleep from my eyes before shooting straight up. Flashes of everything that transpired the night before hit me like bricks, knocking every molecule of oxygen from my lungs. My hands frantically felt around the bed finding it empty, then searching it for any traces of Austin – or Nox for that matter. The rapid thumping growing in my chest threatened to crack my ribs like glow sticks.

My fingertips trembled as they curled around the fluffy duvet, bringing it up to my face. The scent of him filled my nostrils, immediately pooling tears in my eyes. My fists curled into the fabric and pressed against my nose, inhaling every bit of him.

How did we get here?

I threw the comforter off my body leaping from the mattress to inspect the room then quietly peering out the door to find Nox. But the apartment was empty, no Austin, no Nox. Relief momentarily poured into my veins before sending me into a cleaning frenzy. I ripped off every piece of bedding, the fitted sheet, the pillowcases, the duvet – it all smelled of Austin. Of us.

It wasn’t until the washing machine was full and rumbling that I was able to sit with the empty morning. My stiff couch squeaked as I laid back into it. The cold palms of my hands pressed into my tired and hungover eye sockets.

If Nox caught any inkling of suspicion I’d be dead. Just the idea of him finding out sent a chill through my bones.

It didn’t matter how many suspicions I had stacked against him. It didn’t matter the late nights out, the new phone code, the lingering perfume on his clothes.

“Fuck.” I muttered. I wanted to be angry that Nox never came home, at least it seemed like he didn’t. But how could I be angry at him when I did what I did with Austin?

I wanted to be upset with Austin too, for leaving me like I was just some one-night stand. But how was I supposed to be upset with him when he wasn’t my boyfriend, and he had a ‘not-girlfriend’, and Nox could’ve came home at any moment last night.

Holy fuck, are we all just cheating on each other?

One could only imagine that Nox’s absence meant he had also left with someone else. I had suspected it for a while –Sure, I could lie to myself and say he must’ve just crashed at a buddy’s house, but I knew it wasn’t the truth. It was a ruse.

So,

Nox was presumably cheating on me.

And I was cheating on him with my best friend.

And of course, now he was cheating on his new ‘not girlfriend’ with me. Official or not, it was clear something was going on between them. It made me sick.

That’s what it was, wasn’t it? I was cheating. No matter how much we masked it, how much we played the ‘no touching’ card, it was all just an excuse for our shitty actions right? Sure, he didn’t put his dick inside me, but we make each other cum – we’ve had each other in our mouths. One way or another it was sex.

Holy shit I’m having sex with Austin

Holy shit I’m fucking my best friend

What kinda fucked up geometric shape were we in and how did it all so complicated. I felt so many emotions at once, my head was so bogged with thoughts and memories of the night before, it was overwhelming. Suffocating.

As much as I really didn’t want to address it, the dread of knowing Austin and I would have to talk about it eventually settled between each rib. I wanted to ignore it, like we had been this whole time. Aside from the obvious uncomfortableness, I mostly just didn’t even know what to say.

‘I don’t want to keep doing what we’re doing’ – that was a lie.

‘I don’t like what we do’ – lie.

‘I want you stop calling me, baby’ – lie.

‘I want to stay with Nox’ - …lie?

‘I want to be with you’ - …lie?

I didn’t fucking want that, why the fuck would I want that? What the fuck did I want?

He’s my best friend, he’s always been just that. My friend. My person.

The person I run to when I’m sad, when I’m angry, when I’m heartbroken, when I need to vent, when I need someone to tell my secrets to. We’d seen each other go through multiple partners, isn’t that weird? We’ve talked about intimate details of our relationships. Though, the exchange of relationship details dwindled the longer we were friends.

Did everything we had done ruin our entire friendship? Last night was way past anything we’ve ever done. How do you go back to normal friendship when I literally fucked myself to him – in front of him? And he did to me…all over me.

And why the fuck did my belly flutter when he called me ‘baby’? God, I could barely even say it in my head. I shouldn’t fucking feel that way about my supposed ‘best friend’ calling me that. I didn’t even feel like that when Nox called me it. Friends don’t call each other baby.

“Oh god,” Curling over my thighs holding my hands over my face. The memory of me literally sobbing beneath him basically begging him to call me that name again. The New Years champagne had really done me in this time.

“Why the fuck would I do that.” I groaned and tugged at my under eyes.

Then the memory of what I told him.

‘Friends don’t do the things we do.’

“I’m so fucking stupid.” I reprimanded myself outloud, smacking my palm hard against my forehead.

How do you come back from that? How was I supposed to face him after that?

Even if I wanted to be with him – which I don’t – everything would change.

I wouldn’t be able to run to him anymore, not like that. I couldn’t share my secrets or just play video games with him. Or anything – all of our friendship traditions would be gone, right? How do you just shift into that different dynamic?

I never pictured us here. What the fuck were we doing? How did we get here? How do we go back? Can we go back? Do I want to go back?

I laid back and let the couch swallow me whole, curling into the corner and wrapping a draped blanket around me like a tight cocoon.

‘How did we get here?

‘How did we get here?’

‘How did we get here?’

The question haunted me, ringing over and over in my ear drums. Another equally as daunting sequence of questions swirled –

How, where and when did this start?

How did we get here, without me even realizing until we had crossed some fucked up line?

How long had this been looming in the background?

I brainlessly zoned out looking into my kitchen across from me when I spotted a half-drank bottle of rose that I didn’t remember opening or drinking.

The seemingly impertinent glass decanter brought forward a memory I had long forgotten. As the recollection unfolded in my memory, the details began to piece together a puzzle that perhaps held the answers I was looking for.

-5 years ago (Sophomore year)-

We sat on the floor of his dorm, my legs across Austin’s thigh with my feet in his lap. Our fit of laughter died down as the annual end-of-winter-break New Years party raged on downstairs of the giant fraternity mansion. The same house where we’d met just a year ago, and a year before all the shit hit the fan after his dad. Things were simple then, fun and innocent.

“I still think it’s funny that you’re in a frat.” I giggled, taking a swig of a bottle of Rosé that we stole.

The blonde rolled his eyes, “You know it’s just for my parents.” He snatched the chilled bottle from my hand, “Plus I get to live here, which is better than the dorms.” His lips curled into a cocky smirk before taking a sip. He dragged his sweater sleeve across his mouth to wipe off the excess wine and handed it back to me, “I am happy that we’re moving in together soon, I can’t wait to get out of here.”

My top teeth reflexively tugged my bottom lip in, for some reason wanting to hide the wide smile that begged to be worn, like a cozy cardigan on a cold winter day. But I swallowed it down with another chug. “Yeah, me too.” I hiccupped and set the glass bottle down.

In the year we’d grown to be friends I watched him blossom out of his shell. He says that it was me who made him bloom, but I don’t think I had anything to do with it. I think he was just waiting for someone or something to give him the chance to. Regardless, that shy boy I met just a year ago wasn’t the same one that sat across from me – at least not fully.

I watched him bring the glass bottle to his eyeline, reading the label for god knows why. But in the dim light of the desk lamp lit room… it was like I was seeing him through a new, different lens. The way his blonde hair curled at the edges, long straight lashes around crystal blue eyes, just how pink and plump his lips were. It had to be the alcohol, right?

“Hey Elsie,” He waved his hand in front of me, “Whatcha lookin at?” He laughed, “You checkin’ me out or something?” It was a joke, but it settled nervous swirl in my tummy.

I tried to mask the nerves in my chuckle with a light smack to his arm, “Yeah, you wish.” Rolling my eyes at him. I felt this daunting urge to remove myself from the situation, I needed to get my legs off of him, away from him. I never ever felt that way around him, he was normally a comfort to me, he would calm me down before an exam or watch movies with me when I was sad. But this… this wasn’t comfortable. I was uneasy, he made me uneasy.

I pushed a stray curl out of my face, letting out a breath before hastily pulling myself up from the carpeted floor. He took notice of my speedy escape as soon as I was on my feet, propping himself up on his elbows behind him. “Where are you goooooiiinnng?” He whined.

“I just wanted to um-“ I scanned around the room for any inspiration of a distraction landing on his record player. “I wanted to play music!” I perked walking over to the wooden box that held his vinyls.

“Why? The music from the party is so loud already.” He questioned, propping up a brow at me but I kept my back to him. Blood rushed into my cheeks and I couldn’t let him see it. The alcohol definitely was not helping the redness. For whatever reason, I grew aware of the missing makeup on my face. I never felt the need to wear it around him before, but now it felt like I was naked.

“Well, uh, yeah, that shit is so overrated.” I faux scoffed while thumbing through his record collection looking for a good one. I let out an involuntary gasp when I found an Elvis vinyl, plucking it instantly from the box and holding it close to my chest with my arms wrapped around it. “Elvis!” I exclaimed excitedly turning to him like a little kid that found a new toy at the store.

He raised his brows surprised at me then let out a laugh saturated in alcohol, “You like Elvis?” He questioned.

“Eeep!” I squealed, “Yes I love Elvis!” Nearly jumping from excitement like a 2012 One Direction fangirl.

“Wow I never pegged you as an Elvis fan, all you do is listen to Lana Del Rey.” He teased, knowing full well that wasn’t true.

“Shut up.” I rolled my eyes, “No no you don’t understand, I love Elvis.”

A sincere smile curled the edge of his lips, “Wow I just really didn’t know-“

I leaned down to grab his shoulders looking him dead in the eyes, “No, you don’t understand. I watched his ’68 Comeback Special like 500 times.”

He laughed hard and put up his arms in defense, “Okay okay, I believe you.”

I squeaked going back to his player and gently pulled the vinyl from the sleeve, precariously placing it down and settling the needle on the outer edge of the black disc. I nearly screamed when one of my favorites began to pour from the small speakers, promptly turning the volume to its max. With a spin on my heels, I snatched the rose bottle from the neck taking a long swig, proceeding to dance across his floor. Every inkling of tension in my body disappeared, the music soothing the nerves with each hip swing.

I could feel his eyes on me but in that moment, I didn’t care if he was judging me, the only thing I cared about was staying on rhythm. He sneered, “You’re so ridiculous!” He teased.

My arms followed the dance moves I’d seen Elvis do in his old recorded concerts, spilling some wine on my burgundy t-shirt as I did so. I’d probably regret this debacle later, but I was having too much fun to stop. The spill abrupted my choreography causing me to stumble back and let out a tiny hiccup.

“Oh my god Elsie,” He shook his head with a chuckle, going to pull himself off the floor but was struggling with the wine in his veins just as much as I was. “You’re gonna hurt yourself.”

Once solid on his feet he stretched to grasp my shoulders, but I spun just out of his reach. I suppose my next attempt at eluding him was to start belting out the lyrics, the dancing alone just wasn’t cutting it. “Here we go again… askin’ where I been!” I sang loudly and off tune.

Austin shook his head and as our impromptu concerts always went, he joined in, finally getting with the program and managed to steal the rose bottle back. I snagged a nearby hairbrush to replace the bottle as my microphone in preparation for the chorus. And as if we were on some stage somewhere, we turned to each other dramatically, ready to put on a show of a lifetime.

“We can’t go on together, with suspicious minds!” Singing in harmony into our respective makeshift microphones, “And we can’t build our dreams on suspicious miiiiiinds!”

Austin took over the vocals while I recreated one of Elvis’ famous ‘taking a knee’ moves and for a split second I swore I was 15 again, performing alone in my room. But I was 21 and in college and in my best friend’s fraternity dorm.

I got excited when I heard him finish off the line, “Oh honey, you know I’ve never lied to you…” And knew I had to get into position for another iconic line. Again, we were facing each other in our drunken duet, “We’re caught in a trap, I can’t walk out!”

Whether it was the alcohol, Elvis, or something I didn’t fucking know but I swore there was a slo-mo switch that flipped on as our eyes met. “…because I love you too much baby.” We sang softly in unison, our voices hushed under the blaring music, and he was closer than I realized. His sapphire eyes flickered to my lips and every ounce of air left my lungs. He dropped the empty glass bottle hitting the cushioned carpet with a thud and unexpectedly took hold of my hips pulling me to him.

‘Why can’t you see, what you’re doin’ to me…’ Elvis continued to sing in the background. Every part of him that touched me scorched like fire - his fingers on my hips, his chest pressed against mine. The insatiable burning spread throughout my body like a raging forest fire, every inch of skin, every muscle, every blood vessel, every single cell in my anatomy was totally and utterly consumed by him. The crystal ocean in his eyes, each individual blonde lash, the disheveled waves slashed across his forehead, the constellation of freckles I didn’t notice until then, the deep berry in his lips. The lips that were not even a centimeter from mine, just a hair from touching. I thought they’d land, I didn’t comprehend it at the time but god, I hoped they’d land. I was praying for them to land.

In that moment I realized that 15-year-old-alone-in-my room-comfort feeling wasn’t new, rather something that had been present for the past year. Anytime I was with him, anytime he entered the room, or his name was mentioned. He was comfort, he was safety. A true north I didn’t know I found.

Regular speed clicked back on, and we immediately retracted from each other like nothing had happened, like it was just part of the performance. The flurries of butterflies he left me with stayed though - I’m not entirely sure they ever left.

The next morning when I woke up on his floor, he didn’t bring it up and neither did I. Relief never felt so good, it was just some freak drunk accident, a close call. That all, just a close call. I didn’t know what I’d do without him, what something like that would do to us… I didn’t even want to think about it.

I eyed him looking over the menu at our favorite breakfast diner, Harry’s, pretending he was going to order something new, when we both knew it was gonna be chocolate chip pancakes.

“So, whatcha gonna get?” His eyes snapped up at me, the noon sun shining making his blues glimmer, even above his dark eye bags.

“Oh uh-“ I shook the haze from my head, “I don’t know if I’m gonna get anything, I’m uh, I’m pretty hungover.”

“Ah, don’t worry,” He just beamed at me with a optimistic smile that made me feel like everything would be okay, “Pancakes will fix it.”

And then there was a feeling in the pit of my stomach I didn’t recognize. At first I thought maybe I was hungover. It was a flutter, a churning, a nausea – a sinking trepidation, like I just signed a bad business deal, a contract that would cost me millions.

I didn’t know what fucked up clause we just implemented, but some dull ache in my bones whispered that it would cost me more than I could afford.

Next Chapter -> Temporary Fix* [coming soon]

Thank you for every like, reblog or comment, it means the world to me truly. I love hearing your thoughts and I'm glad you're liking my little story 💗

Tag list: @cryingabtab @slowsweetlove @purejasmine @feverdreamcaoilainn @coloradohighs @iluvnerds69 @denised916 @julie181 @navsblog @centaine @golden-kiwis @michellelv @suspiciouselvis @presleysdarling @eddiesgorlie @unicornelliesparkles @navsblog @ranaissingle

(if you'd like to be added pls comment 💗)

[child-of-the-new-contagion]

first dxm trip after more than ten years of mostly being sober [2023-02-23]

300mg, from drinking one bottle of benylin cough syrup.

Slightly swoony maybe. Nervous, but nothing too bad. I been a lot worse. Feel ok. A bit of lightness. The subtlest lightness of body. Yes, I can feel it for sure. Subtle, but progressing.

It's about an hour later. What do you want to know? Hmm… I'm trying to get these file operations completed so I can put a randomized playlist on my phone.

It's starting to get full on now. Fuller onner. Full plate. Mmhmm.

I can feel the family close. But so far away.

That comfort. Above it all, bouncy and floaty.

The tapestry of chat, laid before me. Wanna take screenshots.

Can I go into a hole and collect some things?

Gotta get away from the chat, and into my jazzy self… Wish I had something to play on. The stuff I do for me, all just for fucking me, ok? But what about the cats?

How can thc be a soberizer?

don't worry, i'm here, everclear,

don't think the randomizer is best…

but..

austerity

Creating my own universe. There's even audio chat options now with other egos.

Rails of soap. Pandering down parents of mounting. Yeah, it fits. It makes sense. To try and type. And remember why it was important to type things. A certain feeling persisting forgetting to dream and daydream and go to bed. And go back to bed. Aphex, can't go wrong. There's reasons. CBB might work for a long-planned after plateau. Hard-ridged plat edges to fashion steps to take before going on forever. Of course there's finitions. There's an art to it, a knack to get back to. There's remembering what kind of people you were, how it was even bleaker at other times. Not so bad right now. What are you looking for though?

Well, should I keep writing, or try to close it out? Break off a deuce. Yes, it's too late, have to swallow the traz, it's ok. Germinate pollinate in temporarily lonely but fertile subconscious. Dream percolation substrate sproutinatudinal death-ling baby break layers. Sometimes the sawtooth algorithm will know what to do, sometimes it will take over, sometimes automatic knows what to tell you when there is no god. Sometimes you can work through it, and play through it also. Sometimes, it's this place. Here, right now.

And so forth.

*

Time to land this plane. Afterglowers await. Shower me with love. Other porter airlines waiting to await me. It simply happens.

Little things take on significance. Dxm in the smart phone age. Why do I feel like a Boomer? Weird.

Mid life crisis of a stripe. Planning my death……

Absorbed like wallpaper…. Records . Dreams.

Useless melted phone. Got some classic context out of it though. I will curate it. With my luxuries. My married lifestyles. It's romantic. It's cursed and blessed, so, so what? Away to an empty place. Got on the fringes of ego death. Becoming a rug is actually blissful and profound, for real. Think about it. Regenerating. Neuro plasticity. Getting away with things.

[whalleyrulz]

halloween 2023

22) ...how do i name this? some shorts?

so okay. life's a lot. we needed shorts, not full movies. one of the things i'm going to talk about is one of the best horror things i've ever seen. the other two require a netflix subscription. they're.

okay so let's just get into it

DISCO INFERNO is a short film made by netflix, that makes it absolutely abundantly clear that the netflix style model is "no style," and the netflix script policy is "eh, it's words, right?" it's about a girl in the 70s who becomes pregnant, and the nun who killed her mother in the 50s tries to possess her at the opening of a new nightclub. how does the plot resolve? to speak from the viewpoints of the imagination-less execs who desperately want to be the human equivalent of an ai model, "who gives a shit." it feels like the kind of thing you use in a cosmic court case about whether or not executives have a soul, to prove that executives don't have souls, and this is a correct truth of the universe

FLASHBACK is a short film made by netflix, that shows what happens when you try your best to combine a love for everything everywhere all at once with netflix corporate execs. a home invasion winds up killing people. the execs, by the way, win out. it's about a girl using her end of life experience to do, as was said before, "who gives a shit." at this point i really genuinely feel like someone at netflix is actively working to kill art in order to make us more comfortable with ai taking over culture and killing the rest of human history. hey guys don't fucking use ai shit for anything related to art. if you do i fundamentally do not like you as a person. this shit is so fucking vile and inhuman. and these two shorts, despite being ostensibly made by humans, stink of ai. they reek of it. they burn my nostrils with malodorous digitations. fuuuuuuuuuck these shorts. if you make horror shorts, v/h/s needs to be watched, and treated as a bare fucking minimum of what to do. fuuuuck this

BUT THERE'S SOMETHING SO FUCKING GOOD COMING UP WITH A LINK AND EVERYTHING (i didn't watch it today but i watched it this month and i neeeeeeeed to talk about it)

THE OLDEST VIEW is a youtube horror miniseries by a fucking high school student that is better made and more horrifying and more tense and more unbelievably powerful in both concept and execution than, i shit you not, 90% of every other horror movie i've ever seen

it's about a youtuber who explores shit, finds a hole under a tree in texas, and the hole is full of stairs. the stairs go to an abandoned mall. there's art in the mall

there's art in the execution

there's no on-screen violence, there's no blood, there's no gore, this absolutely fits into youtube's content guidelines. it is, in theory, corporate as hell. but because it's made by someone who can just Make Art, Fuck The Overlords, it winds up being absolutely unstoppably powerful. absolutely incredibly horrifying. absolutely one of the best horror experiences i've had.

i'm going to link the playlist now. all in all, you need about an hour to watch it all. pleaaaaaase do it. please. PLEASE. if you ignore everything i say about every other horror movie, please watch this. PLEASE

1. skinamarink | 2. smile | 3. the black phone | 4. talk to me | 5. m3gan | 6. significant other | 7. cobweb | 8. horror in the high desert | 9. the pope's exorcist | 10. knock at the cabin | 11. infinity pool | 12. becky | 13. no one will save you | 14. huesera: the bone woman | 15. scream vi | 16. idle hands | 17. a wounded fawn | 18. v/h/s 85 | 19. evil dead rise | 20. mama | 21. look away

[iron-touch]

Author's Notes: Chapter 32 (The Man in the Picture)

Yay, another chapter with a short turnaround! Don't expect this trend to continue, as I have just enrolled in full time college again and am still getting used to it.

I was very cautious with the opening of Michelle in the changing room. That scene could get very, very creepy with the wrong prose, but I think I managed to make it more endearing than "male gazey."

Speaking of male gaze, Boney! Boney's back. My original plan for Chapter 31 was to end on the scene of Michelle seeing Boney in One Size Fits All, but I decided to change it in order to avoid feeling too similar to Chapter 18 (where the chapter ends with Michelle finding Boney's dead body on the plane). That worked out for the best, too, considering Chapter 31's length.

Reread the phone call Boney has with the Grand Marshal in Chapter 30; this is where he was sent to go. I think you should have an easier time filling in the blanks now.

Michelle having a panic attack and running away was one of the easiest I've ever written in my two years of Iron Touch. I don't know what that says about me.

Midler's back! Remember, High Priestess' user? No? Too bad. My original original outline called for Mariah here instead of Midler, and she would've walked with a gimp as a result of permanent damage she received from her fight with Joseph and Avdol. I changed this for a couple reasons: first of all, I would have had to rework/add onto Bastet in order for her to work in this arc, which I didn't think a lot of people would like. Also, Demonic Heartbreak used her already, so. Y'know. I think Midler fits better in Chicago IX as a SEES member anyways.

With that in mind, it should come as no surprise that Cascada wasn't a part of the original outline, either. High Priestess was originally going to be the "main" enemy Stand of this arc, but I changed that. I cannot stress enough that readers from Fanworks have been really rallying for more original Stands in Iron Touch. This is the best of both worlds—I get my canon characters and you get your OC. Hooray! I like Cascada and Moon River's aesthetics, if nothing else.

I did look it up and yes, bees are native to Egypt.

I feel like it should be pretty obvious what SEES is and how it works by now. If not, please let me know in some way and I can give a more detailed explanation in a future chapter.

In case you didn't know: a green room is an area backstage where actors wait for their cues to go onstage. I've heard different reasons for why they're called that; sometimes it's a simplified English pronunciation of a foreign word, other times it's because actors would throw up there, and I don't know which is accurate. They're not actually green. In smaller theaters (like an amphitheater), green rooms can double as hair and makeup rooms, like what we see here.

I feel like giving Moon River a mermaid theme is a bit of a cop out, but @simpingforcreamsoda said he really liked the design, so I hope you guys do too.

Music references:

Ok so I didn't originally intend for this to be a music reference, but there is a song called The Man in the Picture by The Bobkatz. I chose the title just based on it being a double reference to both Polnareff and Boney. But I listened to the song and I think it fits pretty well so I'm adding it to the playlist. Why not.

Cascada is named after a German dance music act of the same name. (I actually didn't know Cascada was German until now, the more you know)

Cascada's beta name was Moon River at one point, but that honestly did not last long. I'm trying to avoid making OCs with two word names, because having them be one word names is so much easier to write.

Moon River gets its name from a song originally sung by Audrey Hepburn for the movie Breakfast at Tiffany's. The song is so famous and has enough covers that I feel comfortable breaking my "no licensed music" rule (as in, no music originating from other media like video games or musicals) for it. The version I'm using on all the music reference playlists isn't the original Audrey Hepburn version, but rather the Andy Williams cover. I think that version specifically should give some insight as to why I chose this song. If you know, you know ;)

As a side note, "Tiffany Amphitheater" was named after Breakfast at Tiffany's.

Moon River's beta name was Hips Don't Lie, and the Stand's ability was going to be more tied to Cascada's dancing. As the ability changed, I changed the reference as well.

Not a music reference, but Midler's appearance here (specifically the buck teeth) were based off of Winifred Sanderson (played by Bette Midler) from the movie Hocus Pocus. IRL Midler has gone on record to say that this is her favorite film role of all time and she is the only reason that the sequel came out even remotely like it did, so I'm not just arbitrarily choosing a random movie reference here.

[epaulando]

Playing the game right back!

3, 5, 23 for the getting to know you game 🧡

3. What playlists do you have on your phone?

soooooo many oh my god. my longest is called BPE (which stands for best playlist ever and i started it when i was twelve) and it’s just every song i deem worthy of downloading. so it’s currently about 80 hours. other notable playlists include “oh mein gott zis playlist is full of kuntenserven,” “lesbian strut,” “2024 WDC standings,” “indie bildungsroman,” etc. i have far too many playlists for my own good.

5. Guilty pleasures

since Halloween, sooooo much chocolate. i guess being raised catholic i kind of feel guilty about lots of things so nothing is particularly more or less guilty than anything else.

23. Do you prefer phone calls, FaceTime, or texting?

i think they’ve all got their purposes. if i want to talk to somebody for a long time i’m probably going to FaceTime them because i use my hands and face a lot when talking. if it’s important but short i’ll call somebody for clarity, and if it doesn’t fit into those categories (or i’m in public) it’s a text.

thank you for the ask!!!!!

[lesralizes]

my energy-revisiting my first post

i feel like a mess, i dont know myself anymore

when i wrote about "my energy" everything flowed so naturally, now i'm just stuck

but i'll force myself to write about all the things that make me, me, just so i can find myself in between all this mess my mind has been through lately. here i go, i present to you, again, my energy (revisited and modified)

a little cup of coffee with oat milk from the coffee shop i now work at, orange juice on free days and matcha latte at home before class. early mornings reading books and feeling the cold wind, listening to the birds chirping as my reading soundtrack and seeing the sun arise through the window. late night readings before sleeping, when everything is quiet and i feel like the only person alive. struggling to see the words cause there's almost no light or cause i'm too sleepy. mixing silver and gold jewelry. baggy low waist dark trousers with any type of basic top that fits me right (maybe a little longer on my sleeves) and comfortable flat shoes as my go to outfit. i dont care anymore. i dont wear platforms to appear taller and slimmer, i seek comfort. keeping my hair long and messy. no make up make up look (now for real), wearing lipstick instead of eyeliner. wearing you by glossier or another 13 by le labo instead of santal 33. i still love french cinema and dream everyday of being percieved by others as the protagonist of any rohmer's movie. i dont own a moleskin anymore but i write in every piece of paper i can find, preferably in black ink. i still feel the need to document everything i go through. i still keep a diary, i still film my days. jonas mekas films always in mind, annie ernaux books all highlighted and noted. vintage leather bags with lip balm, lip liner, a sweet treat and my current read. reading almost exclusively books written by woman,, they just get me. making playlist for every emotion i feel, one for anger, one for tranquility and one (the most special) for the best feeling in the world: leaving the cinema, after you've sat for a few hours in a room full of strangers, all there to do the same thing as you, and you've lived another life for those few hours. for when you open the exit door and take the first breath of fresh air and feel renewed, like a new person. everything you do becomes cinematic, your life feels like a movie, and of course you need a playlist by your side.

im still daydreaming all the time. still missing a boy, still thinking about the way he used to call me or how every part of his body used to feel. still wondering what would've happened, how things would've been. still biting my lips and eating cookies every time im anxious.

still wearing my silk dresses and my grandma's nightgowns to sleep in the summer and matching blue pijamas when it's cold. i own a new phone now, but i still have a clear phone case with movie tickets (still collect them). going to the cinema at least twice a month, now that i can afford it. visiting art exhibitions alone with my wired headphones and lots of curiosity. now i seek the sun and long for the summer time, even though i'm still a cold weather enjoyer at heart. still a paris lover and romanticist-more than ever since i lived my before sunrise fantasy when i spent a whole day in the city of love with the boy from another country i'd met fifteen days before. i cried admiring the sunset in montmartre (like delphine on le rayon vert) and kissed him under the stars to mr brightside by the killers haha.

i still think of him, of all the people i've met throughout my life, of all the people who have seen me grow and evolve. i'm forever changing and learning, and after almost three years of my first post i still preserve most of "my energy", and i can say that that version of myself is still here. a lot of things are still the same.

sometimes the girl i used to be visits me and greets me from a far. i look at myself and see all the other versions i've ever been, and i wave them back with a smile. but also with a sense of grief because i know i can never go back, i will never be six or eighteen again.

even though im never satisfied with my present self i try to focus on what i do like about who i am. i focus on what i love and work towards it. this is a little piece i wrote to reflect on how i've changed while feeling lost and melancholic in my daily life. the result of it feels bittersweet, but i feel much lighter. i encourage you to try it.

if you've read all of this, just know you have a very special place in my little heart.

[strapstylehub]

The Best Apple Watch Features for Staying Connected

The world is at your fingertips with the incredible features Apple Watch brings to the table. Whether you're managing calls, tracking fitness goals, or staying on top of your schedule, the Apple Watch is your ultimate companion for seamless connectivity.

Introduction

In an era where staying connected is paramount, the Apple Watch emerges as a game-changer. This versatile device goes beyond just telling time, offering an array of features that redefine connectivity. Let's dive into the plethora of capabilities that make the Apple Watch the best companion for staying connected.

Seamless Call Handling

Making and receiving calls on the Apple Watch is a breeze. With a quick flick of the wrist, you can answer calls, and the built-in speaker and microphone ensure crystal-clear communication without reaching for your iPhone.

Instant Messaging

Stay in the loop with instant messaging on your wrist. Whether it's iMessages or third-party apps, sending quick replies or emojis is effortless, keeping you connected without pulling out your phone.

Email on the Go

Manage your emails on the go with the Apple Watch. Receive notifications and respond promptly, ensuring you're always in touch with important messages.

Social Media Integration

Keep up with the latest social media updates directly from your wrist. Receive notifications, glance at updates, and stay connected with your digital social circle.

Fitness Tracking & Competitions

Apple Watch isn't just about staying connected socially; it also keeps you connected with your health and fitness goals. Track your workouts, set challenges, and even compete with friends for extra motivation.

Calendar and Reminders

Effortlessly manage your schedule with the Calendar and Reminders apps. Receive timely alerts and stay organized without missing a beat.

Apple Maps Navigation

Navigate with ease using Apple Maps on your watch. Get turn-by-turn directions without having to pull out your iPhone, ensuring a seamless and connected travel experience.

Music and Podcasts Streaming

Enjoy your favorite tunes and podcasts on the go. Sync your playlists, and with wireless headphones, you can immerse yourself in a world of audio entertainment anywhere.

Siri Integration

Harness the power of voice commands with Siri. From setting reminders to sending messages, Siri ensures hands-free interaction, enhancing the overall connected experience.

Emergency SOS Features

In critical situations, the Apple Watch's Emergency SOS features come to the rescue. With just a press of a button, you can call for help and alert your emergency contacts.

FAQs about The Best Apple Watch Features for Staying Connected

Q: Can I use third-party apps on my Apple Watch for connectivity? Yes, Apple Watch supports third-party apps, expanding its connectivity beyond native features.

Q: How does Fall Detection work on the Apple Watch? Fall Detection uses sensors to identify a hard fall and can automatically call emergency services if needed. It's a valuable safety feature.

Q: Can I navigate using Apple Maps on my Apple Watch without an iPhone? Absolutely, Apple Maps on the Apple Watch provides turn-by-turn directions independently of your iPhone.

Q: What's the benefit of Blood Oxygen Monitoring on the Apple Watch? Blood Oxygen Monitoring provides insights into your respiratory health, helping you stay informed about your overall well-being.

Q: How long does the Apple Watch battery last on average? The battery life varies, but with optimized settings, you can expect a full day's use on a single charge.

Q: Can I use Apple Pay on my Apple Watch? Yes, Apple Pay on the Apple Watch allows you to make secure and convenient transactions without reaching for your wallet.

Conclusion

In conclusion, the best Apple Watch features for staying connected go beyond basic smartwatch functionalities. From communication to health tracking and everything in between, the Apple Watch is a comprehensive connectivity hub. Embrace the future of smartwatches with a device that not only keeps you connected but also enhances your lifestyle.

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[appreciatingtokrev]

that's true, i just keep reminding myself that nothing last forever but i am a bit sad about the ending. do you normally go to an art museum? ah, i suppose life is full of surprises, you never know what is around the corner. that's great, it's better to see things as the cup half full than empty.

i think gi will still be the company's most successful game. do you just stick to PC games then? isn't hsr the only one whose have a voice for the MC? i'm always phone based so i'm lost with the letters lol. wait, you can play it in class? 👀

don't worry, quite a few people retake a year no matter what country they are in so you're not the only one and i understand retaking a year more than once can be a bit demotivating but you can get through this.

just try not to beat yourself up about it, you are trying your best. yes, extra time to re-evaluate some options, would you like to goes into the STEMs? or another field?

i can imagine lmao, some kpop fans are too extreme though where they end up becoming saesangs. which kpop group did she introduce you to? i am an ex-kpop fan so i no longer know about the current groups.

those earrings would stand out wherever you would go especially since they are gold coloured lol. i have actually seen some shorts on YouTube of users styling their wigs and it's look like a profession because of how hard it look 💀 i'm wondering you might find a 15th february person? who know lmao but birthday twin would be most exciting. our time zone difference seem to be one hour apart so we should be able to wish each other on our days? i'll probably come off anon when it happen 🙂

you can take another shirt that fit you properly and ask them to use the shirt for guidance or get proper measurements. i just scrolled up the sleeves for mine lol. it is only the sleeves and nothing too complex so i can't imagine it will be expensive.

yeah, of course. i feel the same whenever any of my friendships or relationships or whatever end bc at the end there was still a lot of love and care involved. i love going to art museums <3 i generally love art and museums lol. i visit a bunch of museums every year, usually with my father, my godmother or said friend i mentioned. so yeah ig i usually visit them?

agreed lol, i mean hi3rd was already big before genshin but genshin topped it off still. omg my phone literally only has 16gb of storage so i can’t play any games on there ajdkffjskaj meaning i very much stick to my laptop. hi3rd doesn’t have a mc the way gi/hsr do and kiana does have a voice plus gi’s mc is occasionally voiced (only during cutscenes i think?). the mc in hsr is definitley voiced a lot more tho. i mean... i shouldn’t be playing any video games in class..... but always work on our devices anyways....... and i’d much rather play hi3rd than do french in class... ajdkfjdjsk (i’m not a good example of a student ajdkgkksj)

aa ty :) i’m doing great in school rn bc it’s all topics i’ve had before at a different school haha and i hope it’ll stay like this for a while, but let’s see. i’m also in the process of getting meds for my adhd so hopefully i’ll be able to study easier sometime in the future. honestly idk what i wanna do later rn... psychology or biology, specifically marine biology maybe? i’d love to be a marine biologist, but i get sea sick :/ though at the moment i’m mostly leaning towards studying medicine so i can work in forensic medicine. but luckily i still have at least a year to decide.

yeah, the kpop fans... she mostly introduced me to stray kids. i’m not like a big kpop fan, but i do have a playlist with kpop songs i like bc of her lol.

aren’t they silver colored tho? i made mine in silver at least ajdkfkks. but yeah, agreed. yeah, wig styling does look difficult tbh 💀 but. i believe in myself. if i believe enough it’s got to work...

maybe, who knows. ohh no more anon z next february 16th :0 hehe, i’ll gladly wait until then :3

ahh i have no long-sleeved shirts that correctly fit me ajfjfjhsk the only ones i’ve got left are from when my parents made me buy them bc i dislike them and prefer oversized hoodies and stuff by a lot lol. thanks for the tip though

[the-acid-pear]

I'm abnormal so I want to make a full post reasoning why I picked all the songs ^_^

1. The Boat Song by Amanda Palmer & Jason Webley

I actually have a whole fucking post showing my insane visions regarding deltarune and this song but the tl;dr is that it has strong snowgrave vibes and it starts w "my baby doll" and also religious imagery, heavy.

2. Poor Isaac by The Airborne Toxic Event

Unfortunately there's no why to this one. It's residual. This wasn't meant to be a Spamton playlist but it evolved into one and this was left over. Kind of like we still have extra teeth, you know?

3. Trouble by Bellstop

Singer says the streets used to be theirs, just like Spammy in their big shot era. They also lost their friends and any place in this world. There's also talk about returning it which in a way reminds me of Spamton in snowgrave stealing the kingdom ^_^

4. Biggering by The 88

C'mon. You never watched The Lorax?

Seriously though: it's a song about greed going from being okay with as little as he had (addispam) to needing more (big shot) and more and more (neo). There's also this sick animatic w it ! !

5. No Te Invité A Mi Cumpleaños by El Cuarteto De Nos

Well this is honestly mostly Vibes. But the song has a certain melancholic vibe to it (bc tavella is singing it LMAO te amo Santi) which stands out because it's meant to be a happy song, isn't it? They cut ties with this person, who they felt betrayed them, and they're not better, happier. They don't need them, their birthday is sooo much better without them.

And in a way, this also fits Spamton himself, with him being the person not invited, because they're described as being fake, a liar, and there's even the line of "tu pelo pasa de oscuro a castaño" which fits Spammy since he likely dyed his hair too (only other way around lol).

6. Where We Belong by Shayfer James

We are stepping into the songs that make me go "I have no idea what I meant by this". If I had to reverse ingeneer my epiphany, however, I'd say... perhaps the lines about overthrowing the king and picking apart the promised land made me think of Snowgrave.

7. Catharsis by AlicebanD

I'm not even going to lie to y'all the angel of self shipping influenced me to put this here. But the beginning lyrics fit him like a tee. Fake smiles, hungry and cold, full of debt, broken internally and externally...

8. Cadillac Car by Playboy Manbaby

This one's one of my favorites of the playlist, and a rather simple one, not too much with the lyrics. But the protagonist sounds like A Mess, but attempt to remain almost formal? Wearing a nice white dress and doing their hair...

And they fucking hate their boss, which, I mean, it really seems to be Spamton's case since he loved being a big shot for having freedom and shit.

9. Ven Aquí by Los Bunkers

ANOTHER ONE I HAVE NO CLUE WHAT I MEANT BY IT. I literally tried to read the lyrics and twist it and try to find the answer but I can't? My best guess is honestly Swatchton. But it'd be Spamvil?

10. Afraid by The Neighborhood

Finalmente me puse las pilas, this song I feel confident about being here ! ! ^_^

Protagonist is facing identity issues, fearing being simply replaced, and is confident in that all their friends hate them.

There's even the line "sell your soul, not your body" which lol, lmao.

11. Hands Free by Rare Americans

There's the mention of a King and a Queen, and fittingly enough only the queen is in possession of something modern like a phone.

This is a song about the cruelty of the place the protagonist lives in, merely attempting to survive, having given up on the possibility of receiving help. Felt it fit here!

Also, the final line about a disease around town well heh ........ you know I'm gonna bring up snowgrave again BBY 😎

11. Bubblegum Bitch by Marina & The Diamonds

Oh brother this song is so Big Shot era Spamton coded. So hollow, so superficial, so ambitious. She outright calls herself a doll. You'd even make an argument for there being a side of Swatchton to this too. 😳

12. 1989 by Mindless Self Indulgence

I think I heard this song along Spammy in a video but I'll be damned if I can find it. Either way, it's kinda close to 1997 innit? And it speaks about wanting to be in control yet not being the time for him yet. "My body's not even cold, my act is just getting old" I feel are perfect for him too because of his fall from grace and futile attempts to be someone once again.

13. Darlin' Love by The Haunted Windchimes

I looove this song for Spamton as an even ironic romantization of his relationship with the stranger on the phone, painting his obsessive dependency on whoever that was as this toxic romance. Especially because of the bridge mentioning futile attempts at calling on the tellyphone, even in the end where the protagonist's lover leaves despite his pleads, ending with him trying to still call her.

14. Creep by Radiohead

This one is actually not a personal epiphany! This is here because of this drawing here that made me go "omg it's true that is so him" so I added it LMAO

15. You're Nobody Till Somebody Wants You Dead by Saint Motel

I truly feel this is how Spamton feels from his end, even if it's really not true. It's that air of betrayal and just giving up in a highly competitive and aggressive environment such is a business one.

15. Dirty Imbecile by The Happy Fits

This one I feel fits Spamton in his Big Shot era, but this one shows the harsher side to it because even with a big business and fame and all he had he was still a sad and lonely little powerless man. I specially love "I'm smart, I'm tough, I'm bourgeoisie? And I'll play out this lie until I die.", the lyric video potential of this song is thru the ROOF ☝️😤

Did I ever share this? Anyway from one to ten how badly should I be put on a mental hospital?

[acidcitypoets]

fever dreams // by cigarettelarry on ao3

Keith and Lance don’t get along. They start sleeping together anyways.

// "Doing it just to spite you, babe.” //

college-au feat. rivals-with-benefits and falling in love while falling apart. 18+. chapter one posted now - read here