#I have a bad habit of word dumping.. So Many Thoughts!!

[askthecosmos]

FINALLY!! AN INTRODUCTION!!

(WORD DUMP AHEAD!! HAVE FUN READING!!) After a few months of consideration, a few weeks of even more consideration, and a whole weekend of planning- Ask The Cosmos is FINALLY here!! Oh, right, screaming into an endless voice doesnt always get peoples attention.. Hm.. Oh well, just an excuse to introduce everyone to the many MANY worlds of Cosmicanity, and just what this blog is! So what even IS Ask The Cosmos/Cosmicanity? Short answer! My OC writing! Longer, cooler answer! Cosmicanity is a very lengthy tale centered around the affairs of beings higher than gods(dubbed "Divine" or "Divinity"), and the Goldview/Underside conflict around magic users. A lot of this is written by yours truely(Shawn!! @cosmichaze01 !!), but I also have a cowriter who owns a good over half portion of the characters, and has helped me get this far with my writing (Cates!! @breeloved !!)(This literally wouldnt be possible without her, so huge huge thank you to you if youre reading this!!) This blog, however, is the more interactive, fun way of telling the story!! So how do these asks work? Well, the same way any tumblr ask blog of ye ol' days worked! You got a question for the characters? Ask em! You got an OOC question? Ask! All we ask is that you're mindful of how you speak in the ask box, and you dont get too carried away with how you interact!! (So basically, no hard NSFW- I dont mind a raunchy joke or two, but please be mindful!!) Wow! So what if I want to make fan content? Go right ahead! There are a few rules since this is an OC ask blog, however, ZERO NSFW CONTENT! As of writing this, the writer is infact Not An Adult! And the main character is sort of also Not An Adult! Plus, thats just weird!! So please, be smart and dont go making that of some random's characters! TAG US!! I would LOVE to see the works you make based around these guys(and Im sure Cates would too!!), so make sure we see it!! Tag any fanart with #AskTheCosmosFanart OR #CosmicanityFanart to ensure it gets seen!! Feel free to specify characters and all that, too! (or use the regular tags.. whew, to be honest im not good with this tumblr stuff!) OUR OCS ARE NOT YOUR OPINIONS!! Please do not use the likeness of any of the characters featured to spread any hurtful or controversial political opinions!! Where else can you be found? Since this is a side blog, I'll probably mostly be reblogging stuff on my main, @cosmichaze01 (Please also go there if you have any serious inquiries!). This blog is also shared on my Twitter (@ SundropGalaxy), where you can ALSO ask asks! I also have a HEAVILY WIP Toyhouse account, but be warned! Spoilers ahead there! (CosmicHaze01) For a sort of "other", more urgent catagory, please DM my main for my Discord! That should be all for now!! IF I think of anything else, I'll be sure to throw it on here! Have fun asking!!

[starkwlkr]

i wait for you | sebastian vettel

part 1 part 2

this is the last part in this mini series!! thanks for reading <3 some lines are taken from the movie babylon :) (babylon, you will always be famous)

REQUESTS ARE CLOSED

update: i decided to make this into a series, thanks for reading! you can read it here!

INSTAGRAM

liked by sebastianvettel, aussiegrit and 766,388 others

yourusername hi, i would like to start by saying thank you for all the kind messages i’ve been receiving over the past couple days. this is my only account on any social media. i know it’s been years since you’ve heard from me so here’s an update:

as of last week, i am now divorced and living happier than ever. i do a lot of reading and baking. i still think about my time on the track and all the wonderful people i met.

until next time, take care.

comments on this post have been limited

TIME SKIP TO ABU DHABI 2022

you weren’t sure if you made the right decision, yet here you were in the aston martin garage about to watch sebastian’s last race. the aston martin team made sure photographers weren’t in your face with their cameras, which you thanked them for. yeah, your former job had paparazzi following you almost everywhere but you had gotten used to the quietness.

you hadn’t seen sebastian all day, it was killing you inside. you felt like this was a bad decision, but before you could leave the aston martin garage, you saw sebastian enter with britta by his side. you heard him speaking to her, but he stopped once he spotted you.

britta noticed the look sebastian gave you. it was like seeing two teenagers in love. “i’ll leave you two alone.” she said then left.

sebastian watched as you played with the ring on your finger. it was a habit he noticed in 2010 and somehow you never changed. “we can go in my driver’s room if you’d like. it’s more private.”

“yeah, i’d like that.” you reply. together, you and sebastian walked to his driver’s room.

several people from the aston martin team were secretly rooting for you two, it was clear that they knew about your history. even if they were big fans of you, they didn’t walk up to you to ask for a photo, not when you were with sebastian on the most important night of his life.

you finally made it to his driver’s room. it was small, but it was just perfect for you and sebastian to have a conversation in. you and sebastian sat on the tiny bed. “are you nervous?” you asked.

“more excited actually. it really is nice that you’re here. thank you for coming.” he said.

“i didn’t think you would want me here.”

“why?”

you looked at him. there he was staring at you with his beautiful blue eyes. “i thought you hated me all these years.”

“i could never hate you, y/n. i never stopped loving you even when you told me you were engaged, when i found out you said i do to someone else.” he confessed. “i’ve carried this love for you in my heart for many years. but you were happy.”

“i was happy . . then he broke my heart and i gave him the ring back.” you replied. “i realized I didn’t want that life with him . . . because i want that life with you and i know it all seems so sudden but it’s always been you.”

in that moment, seemed to stand still as he processed the weight of her words. he couldn’t help but feel an overwhelming sense of hope blossom within him—a hope that, against all odds, maybe, just maybe, they could finally be together.

you could feel a tear run down your cheek. “god, i’m sorry. i dumped all this on you before your last race—”

then she felt sebastian’s lips on hers. as their lips met, the world seemed to fall away, leaving only the two of them.

for you, it was a revelation—a confirmation of the love you had always felt but never dared to acknowledge it. for sebastian, it was a homecoming—a return to the one person who had always held his heart captive, even when you belonged to another.

their moment had been interrupted by a knock on the door then by sebastian’s father, norbert vettel, asking if he was ready yet.

“i’ll be out in a second.” sebastian replied. he turned to look at you. “i am considering that a good luck kiss.”

“you don’t need luck, you’re sebastian vettel.” you playfully rolled your eyes.

“well whenever i’m with you, i always feel lucky.”

and with that, you and sebastian exited his driver’s room.

SEB’S LAST RACE

you were feeling lots of emotions. you watched as sebastian finished his post race interview with jenson. you watched from a monitor inside the aston martin garage, you could see the sadness in sebastian’s eyes. you knew the feeling all too well.

“go meet him.” norbert said. “he needs you right now.”

“but—”

“go.” he assured you.

so you walked to the pit lane since sebastian was already making his way back to the garage. once he spotted you, he smiled. you made it clear that now you didn’t care if you were photographed, all you wanted was to be with sebastian.

“i really want to kiss you right now.” sebastian said when he walked up to you. many photographers and journalists were crowded around you, making sure to capture the moment between you two.

“then do it.”

and then, without another word, he pulled her in for a kiss. as his lips met yours, you felt a rush of warmth flood your entire being. as they finally pulled away, your eyes met in a silent understanding. sebastian took your hand and led you to back to the garage where his team was waiting for him.

“i’m so proud of you.” you whispered to him.

“you won’t be saying that when i’m bothering you constantly now that i’ll be around you more.” he joked.

“and i’ll be fine with that.” you reply with a smile.

sebastian turned to face you. he knew it was still early, but he always kept his promises. “one day, i’m going to marry you. i’m going to make you so happy everyday, okay? it’s my only job.”

hearing sebastian’s words filled you with a sense of comfort, joy and reassurance. you suddenly felt more alive and complete than ever before.

“i love you, more deeply than i ever thought possible.” you reply.

and suddenly, everything felt right in the world.

@woozarts @hc-dutch @lightdragonrayne @multiplefandomwritings @jggykhug09090 @neivivenaj @kissesandmartinis @barnestatic @avythef1addict @sam-is-lost @dampcelery0294 @shineforever19 @c-losur3 @lifeless-firefly @horsiegek @ares10156 @purplephantomwolf

[vodika-vibes]

Hi, I’ve been having a really difficult time as of lately. My depression has been hitting really hard which is feeding into my low self esteem then goes to my eating disorder. I’ve almost completely lost my appetite, and haven’t been getting much sleep either. I honestly feel so close to relapsing back into S/H. I’m sorry for dumping all this on you, but I was wondering if you could please write something to help?

Echo is my favorite member of The Bad Batch, and if you could, could you write something where Echo’s S/O (gender neutral please) is going through what I’m feeling, and Echo comforts and helps them the best he can? Could you also write it to have a happy ending please? I know I’m asking for a lot, so I understand if you don’t feel comfortable writing this, but it would be greatly appreciated if you do.

You're Worth It

Summary: When your depression hits you hard, Echo takes care of you.

Pairing: TBB Echo x GN!Reader

Word Count: 861

Warnings: Reader is very depressed

Tagging: @trixie2023 @n0vqni @imabeautifulbutterfly

A/N: I'm sorry that things are so hard for you right now. I hope this little story offers you some comfort. Just please know, there's no shame in reaching out for help if you need it. And know that I truly believe that the world is a better place with you in it.

Echo’s worried about you.

You’ve been...not ignoring him. Not quite. But you have turned down the last three dates that he’s asked you one.

So he worries.

You can hear it in his voice when he calls, and while you feel guilty about it, it’s a distant kind of guilt. Like it’s happening to someone else.

It’s been ages since your depression has hit you this hard. To where you can barely look at yourself in the mirror. To where you have no appetite.

It’s not healthy, or safe. You know this. You know that you need to eat.

But you’re just not hungry.

At least you’ve managed to pull yourself out of bed. Of course, all you’ve managed to do is move across the room to settle in the alcove in your bedroom. You lean your head against the warm window, looking out the window but not seeing anything on the other side.

There are so many things that you should do.

Laundry that’s piled up. The bedsheets need to be replaced with a clean pair. Not to mention the regular cleaning that you need to catch up on to keep your home habitable.

But you have no strength or, honestly, the will to do any of it.

You pull your head away from the window as you hear your bedroom door creak open and heavy, but familiar, steps on the wooden floor of your bedroom.

“Found you,” Echo’s voice is light, and you turn to look at him as he settles on the cushion near your feet. His gaze is dark as he scans your face, and then he clicks his tongue lightly, before he reaches out and cups your cheek with his warm hand, “Having a rough time, cyare?”

You grimace, “Sorry.”

“You don’t have to apologize. You’ve done nothing wrong.” He rubs soothing circles against your cheek, and you release a quiet sigh as you lean into his touch, your eyes sliding shut.

Echo shifts so that he’s sitting properly in the alcove and gently eases you into his arms.

Your Echo isn’t a gentle man, generally.

Oh, he’d never hurt you, never ever. But he tends to make his touch firm, like he’s trying to remind himself that he’s there and that you’re not going to slip through his fingers like smoke.

But today. Today he’s gentle.

So gentle, as if he is handling already broken glass.

The thought makes you want to cry, so you press your forehead against his shoulder and squeeze your eyes shut.

His hand runs down your spine soothingly, “It’s going to be okay.” He says quietly.

Your hands curl into the material of his shirt, “You can’t know that.” You counter.

“I do know that,” He counters as he presses a light kiss to the top of your head, “I know that because you have me, and I’ll make everything better.”

“I don’t think it works that way.” You mumble.

“Maybe not, but I am going to help you through it. That’s what partners are for.”

You sigh softly and rub your forehead against the soft material of his before you pull back and flash him the weakest smile, “I don’t deserve you.”

“That’s not accurate.” Echo says easily, “You deserve everything and then some.” He brushes his thumb across your lips, “This is just your brain lying to you.” Echo’s smile is soft, “I will always choose you. No matter what.”

“You’re going to make me cry.” You mumble as you reach out to press your hands against his cheeks.

Echo chuckles, “Sorry, sorry.” He presses his hand over yours, his smile soft and warm. “I know everything is hard right now, but how do you feel about sitting outside with me?”

You twist your lips at the thought.

“We don’t have to do anything,” He murmurs, “Just sit outside together.”

You consider his words for a long moment, and then you nod slowly, “Yeah,” You finally reply, “I think I can do that.” You pause, “I should probably shower-”

“Only if you want.” Echo reassures.

You stare at him for a moment, “You really are the best, you know that.”

“I try,” He says with a grin. Echo brings your hand to his lips and presses a light kiss against the pads of your fingers, “If I made you something light to eat, will you try and eat it for me?”

“I’m really not hungry.” You admit.

“I know, cyare. It’ll be something really small, really light. Just to get something in your stomach.” Echo offers, “And if you can’t eat it, then I will.”

You sigh one more time, and then nod. “Okay.”

“Thank you.”

You know Echo loves you. Even when you’re feeling your lowest, you’ve never doubted how he feels about you. And even now, when you can barely look at yourself, you know that he still adores you.

And while things are rough right now, and you care barely see the light at the end of the tunnel, you’re not worried about losing yourself. Because Echo will be right there to guide you back home.

That’s what it means to love someone, after all.

[mallgothyamaguchi]

ive seen that all of your bookmarks are tskym and you dont have many of them (not that thats a bad thing!!!) could you give a bookmark tour and like give a reveiw of each?

ofc! tsukkiyama bookmark tour begin!

autumn by windofjune - this fic is ongoing but i'm just totally in love with the author's writing style. essentially, tsukishima and yamaguchi have had mutual feelings for a long time, but nothing was ever acted upon, so in college, they begin to drift apart from one another even when living in the same apartment. tsukishima faces an injury to his knee and yamaguchi gets dumped by his boyfriend, leading to their slow-burning reconciliation as they both recover from their emotional and physical injuries. everything is so beautifully written and i'm not-so-patiently waiting for chapter 8 hehe

Sleeping Habits by BlueColoredDreams - piece written in a series of vignettes as tsukishima and yamaguchi grow older, ending in their high school years. very sweet and very fluffy. i'm a snuggler, so any fic that involves sleeping and cuddling, i'm there.

(Not) A bad day by WhereDoesTheTimeGo - yamaguchi has a bad day, and all of his insecurities bubble up, so tsukishima comforts him. they both have their own self-doubts and insecurities unveiled, but everything's okay with a snuggle and first kiss. you will notice there is a pattern in my fic tastes, lol.

Home Is Where The Heart Is by Pepper_Moon - very short and sweet domestic fic about the two moving in together in a cottage in the countryside after marrying. artist yamaguchi and writer tsukishima. SO COTTAGECORE. the author is also currently writing a chaptered piece for day 1 of tsukkiyama week i'm very much looking forward to reading!

just ourselves by beefybuttlord - another short and sweet fic where hinata asks yamaguchi what his relationship with tsukishima really is. essentially it's a "what are we" fic. puts how i think their canon relationship is in 800 words.

hottaru-kun by palebluestings - very much plays around with the significance of names and naming conventions in japanese culture, and the different ways kanji can be read. tsukishima has started calling yamaguchi 'tadashi', but yamaguchi still calls him 'tsukki'. also, cue tsukishima being a little jealous of yamaguchi hanging out with his brother. it's a cute and thoughtful fic.

The sign on your heart said it's still reserved for me. by yamaguchiforpresident - as they get older, yamaguchi gets more and more attention from girls (and guys), and by their third year, tsukishima realizes he's in love with his best friend. lots of pining from tsukishima, and does he do anything about it? hmmm... a little bit of yamayama (at least from tsukishima's perspective), so yet again, jealous tsukishima >:)

Won't You Stay For The Ride? (The Views Will Be Nice) by xxet - self-hating tsukishima begins to have his walls broken down by yamaguchi as they grow up. tsukishima is totally whipped, and everyone knows. flips back and forth between past and present throughout. good mix of fluff and angst.

i wish to be found by TheFledglingDM - ok this one isn't in my bookmarks but i'm actually obsessed with this fic i'm shocked i didn't bookmark it. essentially a 'You've Got Mail' au, where yamaguchi is a small bookstore owner who took it over after his mother passed and tsukishima is a financial executive for a chain bookstore with aspirations to become a published author. when tsukishima helps to make the decision to put a store location near yamaguchi's bookstore, yamaguchi fears he may be put out of business. unknowingly, for a whole year prior, they've been online best friends over discord. mistaken identity, enemies to lovers, influence of and allusions to pride & prejudice, what more could you want from a fic? so skillfully written. i will never shut up about it. i finished it a month ago and i think about it every other day.

hope you enjoyed my thoughts on these fics! honestly, i haven't been reading many fics recently since life got pretty busy and then that makes me pretty tired and i've been very focused on writing my own fics...but! with all the entries for tsukkiyama week i have so much new content to read. i'm still pretty new to ao3 (it's been a little over a year since i started reading fics on there), so that kind of explains why my bookmarks list is pretty short, and also i tend to bounce between different forms of reading like manga to physical books to fanfiction. kind of just depends on what my mood is at the moment. now that i've started writing, i've really been fueling my tsukkiyama brainrot into that, lol. when it's slow at work, i'm collecting ideas in my brain for them.

bottomline: tsukkiyama will always and forever be my #1, so if there's a fic i'm reading it and if they have zero fans, i'm dead.

[gamebird]

Murderathin Rec List

Revised for fall of 2024

As compiled by the denizens of the New Tideland MB/G channel! The greatest hits of TMBD's most popular frenemy ship - the fics that got us into it, and the fics we made because of it. "PR" are quotes from us as we talked back and forth about what was awesome about the fic, or from AO3 comments. All works are complete except Enemies, Closer and If Statements.

The Long Emergency by murderbot Words: 56,866 Rating: Teen and Up Summary: Trapped on the survey planet when the last emergency beacon fails, Murderbot and the PreservationAux team scramble to survive deadly fauna, cruel weather, scarce resources, and GrayCris's armed hunting parties. In a grueling ordeal spanning two planetary years, Murderbot becomes closer to its humans than it ever thought possible. PR: “the absolute ur-Murderathin fic”, “an absolute stunner”, “that’s the one that got me into the ship”, "This fic is amazing! Murderbot's voice and everyone's characterizations were so on-point, and all of the details of their survival on this planet and the action scenes were so well-fleshed out.", "The first MB/G fic on AO3!"

Recollection by murderbot Words: 30,753 Rating: Teen and Up Summary: SecUnit and Gurathin agree to be married, temporarily, for ease of travel during an assignment. After a violent encounter and a bad wormhole jump, they crash land on a habitable planet and discover their entire ship is suffering from amnesia. Nobody remembers anything from their past. The ship's records are badly scrambled. The planet is too far for anyone to reach safely. When Gurathin and SecUnit find the record that indicates they are married, they build a life together as marital partners, not knowing their union is based on a lie. PR: “I love pain”, “It absolutely broke me”, “still haunts me”, “wonderful”, " I'm so full of bittersweet emotions", "I was this close to crying for a few chapters, and the ending was perfect."

Enemies, Closer by Abacura, Gamebird, IHopedTheredBeStars, opalescent_potato, Rosewind2007, theAsh0 Words: 134,190 (WIP) Rating: Teen and Up Summary: When a Combat SecUnit with identical genetics to Murderbot is sent to Preservation Station to commit a massacre, the delicate balance between Murderbot, ART, and Dr. Gurathin shifts, putting all four of them on a collision course. PR: “a wonder and a delight”, “my favorite one”, "Rock-Paper-Scissors dom dynamics in which ART is the secret fourth option, Dynamite", "Can't wait for more!", "A monumental collaboration!"

Boots by opalescent_potato Words: 5,762 Rating: General Audiences Summary: Murderbot learns a little more than it wanted to about Gurathin's mysterious past. PR: “such a great, quiet study in emotional intimacy and shared trauma. Also has an absolutely amazing Oh. Oh no moment.”, "this feels like the realest depiction of poverty trauma I've ever seen in fanfic", "Info dumping as a love language. Learning self care from the most particular human."

No Peace/No Rest by IHopedTheredBeStars Words: 4,363 Rating: Teen and Up Summary: Though Dr Gurathin eventually accepts the addition of SecUnit a.k.a. Murderbot to PreservationAux, and even assists in its recovery & rehabilitation after the corporate gunship debacle, he never warms up to it like the others do—at least according to our unreliable narrator, Murderbot itself! Let’s assume Murderbot is right this time. So what’s up with that?? This story takes place (chronologically) after Fugitive Telemetry and just before Network Effect. PR: “an excellent MB&G fic”, "So many fantastic ideas in here", "This is such a great look at grappling with the guilt of having taken a life, and being stripped of that comforting denial that it wasn't a person."

The Last Client by Gamebird Words: 70,290 (series) Rating: Explicit Summary: A series with the premise of 'What if GrayCris had attacked PresAux first instead of DeltFall?' In the first, Last Client Standing, Dr. Gurathin is the only PresAux survivor, with Murderbot protecting him from GrayCris' continuing efforts to eliminate them entirely. In the second, Who Guards the Guardian?, they return to Preservation where they must come to terms with how much they, and events, have changed. PR: “Gah! Gurathin and Sec having to navigate ALL the emotions. I’m… (no better way to say it) ded. I am ded. De d ded." "Man the image of Murderbot dragging itself along with no working legs almost this whole fic and still managing to fight off a good chunk of GrayCris." "So many emotional moments, happy, sad, bittersweet, as they worked through their grief and what they mean to each other."

Gurathin’s Side of the Story by Gamebird Words: 51,849 Rating: Teen and Up Summary: A retelling of The Murderbot Diaries from Gurathin's point of view. PR: “An incredible character study that adds so much depth to Gurathin. The reader falls in love with him every step of the way (and Murderbot does too)”, "There are so many moments where this story just drop-kicks me with how real it is.", "a lovely view into Gurathin‘s CR background, augments, and his soft belly under that armadillo shell."

Faking It For Real by Gamebird Words: 1,571 Rating: Explicit Summary: Murderbot does a bad job of pretending to be Gurathin's ComfortUnit on a mission, until it figures out how to be better at it. PR: “the one where everyone's playing it cool but the feet are paddling madly beneath the surface" "I know this is a cracky premise but it sure is hot!" "the sexy frisking is definitely hot" "HOT DAMN"

Boots by Gnomeskillet Words: 2,797 Rating: General Audiences Summary: "I'm going to fix your boots," he explained, talking to me like I was a small human child that didn't know anything. At least he kept his eyes on the floor while he did it. "They're a mess and if you want them to last longer, then you need to take care of them." PR: “this entire fic got me", "Omg who knew shoe shines could be so full of tension??", "This was sort of in kink no man's land, in between the barbed wire embankments of desire and fulfillment."

It Was Only A Kiss by Gnomeskillet Words: 2,102 Rating: Teen and Up Summary: Frustrated and desperate, Murderbot hauls Gurathin into an alleyway and makes out with him in order to avoid Station Security. Hey, it has a 100% success rate in media! PR: “excellent”, “Incredibly sexy and very sweet.”, "Dom Murderbot absolutely wrecking Gurathin while not really knowing what the hell it's doing is my favorite flavor"

Pressing Down On Me, Pressing Down On You by Gnomeskillet Words: 1,061 Rating: Not Rated Summary: I was just thinking about MB pressing down on Gurathin's augments like how ART presses down on MB in the feed, and I like thinking about MB being tsundere about taking care of its least favorite augmented human. It doesn't LIKE Gurathin, he's just less annoying this way. PR: “ahhh yes this one was absolutely one of the ones that made me go OHHHH. It made me so invested in their relationship”, "Poor Gurathin doesn't know what he's getting into, good thing Murderbot is so nice XD", "I love the idea of cuddling in the feed."

Just to Suffer the Pressure by Chyoatas Words: 2,113 Rating: Explicit Summary: He was already out of breath when he let his hand press to his throat. (That hadn’t been in the original plan. This was already too close- too fraught. It was already embarrassing enough (and hotter for it, but he wouldn’t admit it.)) PR: “Okay we were all thinking it. There are not nearly enough fics where Murderbot erotically asphyxiates Gurathin.”, "this is insanely good holy shit", "unhinged screaming I can't form words, this is everything I want it to be"

Murderathin NSFW Zine Comic by Chyoatas Words: 1,069 Rating: Explicit Summary: My NSFW comic from the Murderbot Diaries NSFW Zine! Alternative text description of the comic is embedded in the images. PR: "So hot!", "sweet, naughty, and snarky", "So much thought went into this. The closer I look, the more details pop out at me!"

Purr by Rosewind2007 Words: 3,448 Rating: Teen and Up Summary: I saw a post by someone saying: “Wouldn’t it be nice if humans could just purr, like cats. You could let people know you were happy without talking about your feelings or anything...” And I thought: it’d be nice if Murderbot could purr. So, here you are. PR: “Ah yes, my favorite trope. Murderbot purring when it's happy!”, "MB your friends care about you!", "This was adorable and I loved it"

Sex Pollen by Rosewind2007 Words: 7,240 Rating: Teen and Up Summary: Atypical human and para-human courtship behaviors and coitus triggered by xeno-floral microgameteophytes Abstract: Twenty four (24) subjects were exposed to xeno-floral microgameteophytes (XFM). Atypical behaviors were recorded by all but two (2). PR: “the yearning”, “I love watching Murderbot and Gurathin dance around each other in this. Both trying so hard to be normal and just internally yearning to be close to each other. The longing is so palpable!”

Bundling by Rosewind2007 Words: 18,348 Rating: Teen and Up Summary: It was a stupid accident. We’d identified the presence of space debris in this sector, including pieces large enough to deflect the course of a small transport; but my Risk Assessment Module was happily burbling in the low teens (it really needs replacing, but I’m quite fond of its optimism now) and ART had calculated the risk of an actual collision as approximately 1 in 159,753. But of course we were that one. And of course the client I was with would be that one.  PR: "And thereby, Murderbot, SecUnit, discovered it loved itself.", " A wonderful story", "That last line is just so perfect"

That Time I Got Drunk and Yeeted a Love Potion at a SecUnit by Rosewind2007 Words: 14,918 Rating: Teen and Up Summary: What it says on the tin. PR: “amazing, showstopping" "oh yess oh yess oh yesss" "Murderbean. Murderbaby. You're killing me ❤️❤️❤️ Ahhhhh the ending to this was so sweet and so perfect, I'm all up in my feelings now"

The Corporate and the Construct by beeayy Words: 87,919 Rating: Teen and Up Summary: Bots and constructs have taken over the Corporate Rim. When PreservationAux is captured sneaking into AI-controlled space, someone must stay behind with the sophisticated bot-pilot that remembers a lot less than it thinks it does, and the rogue SecUnit with more anxiety and depression than anyone knows. PR: “my favorite AU”, “fantastic”, “An amazing AU. Great marriage of Fairy Tale elements with Robot Overlords.”, "This fic was such an amazing ride", "I had emotions and cried at the last chapter. Good job!"

I Hate The Way I Don’t Hate You by beeayy Words: 53,345 Rating: Teen and Up Summary: Murderbot hates Gurathin, though the reason changes on a daily basis. PR: "I love this whole thing", "These two ridiculous assholes *always* end up meeting in the middle", "I love fake marriage fics  especially when it's enemies to lovers."

Wrinkles by beeayy Words: 1,405 Rating: General Audiences Summary: There is a disavantage to being a rogue SecUnit in the long-term. Gurathin helps Murderbot through it. PR: “'my face is falling off' will stay with me forever" "This is the sweetest! I love depictions of them in an established relationship where they are clearly happy together, but also true to their nature (AKA assholes)." "This is so fricking ardorable!!!!!"

ComfortUnit!Gurathin by beeayy Words: 29,278 (series) Rating: Mature Summary: Gurathin tries to keep a secret from Murderbot while on a mission in the Corporate Rim. Or, "Heartbreaking: Your Least Favorite Co-Worker Is Secretly Hot". PR: “honestly top tier ending lmfaoo, and top tier fic" "I loved this whole damn fic and you nailed the ending." "This story was loads of fun, and the chemistry between them was so effective!"

Maintenance Protocol by Abacura Words: 5,762 Rating: Explicit Summary: I’m worried about SecUnit. This isn’t the first time I’ve caught it making a face that looks like it's in pain. I worry that it isn’t taking care of itself, that without a cubicle, it needs maintenance that it isn’t telling us about. I wish it would tell me. I wish it would let me take care of it. I could take such good care of it. PR: “smoking hot, I wholeheartedly recommend”, "The maintenance was so perfect and then it was done and I figured so was the fic but holy fuck (literally)", "This is the good stuff. This is perfect."

Fuckboy Strategy by The_Onion Words: 6,203 Rating: Not Rated Summary: 'Can you know you don’t like something without trying it?' I'd texted Ratthi. He responded, 'Sure! But trying things out is always a good idea :D' which I am sure he would not have said if he’d known what I was talking about. // Murderbot explores idioms, the ethics of ghosting, and its own sexuality. PR: “Ah yes, my favorite trope. Murderbot being an absolute bull in the china shop of Gurathin’s heart.”, "so good and so funny i am beside myself", "made me laugh out loud"

Construct, Social by kiwisson Words: 1,852 Rating: General Audiences Summary: Late-night human behavior discussions with your favorite deadly weapon. PR: “the vibes are really good”, “Perfect tag is perfect: You Jerks Talk A Lot For People Who Hate Each Other”, “a fascinating example of the first tagged MB&G which shows many themes already emerging!”

Imperfect Reactions by xianvar Words: 1,324 Rating: Teen and Up Summary: It’s a normal evening with friends – easy laughter, Bharadwaj stopping by to chat, Gurathin and Murderbot sniping at each other, Murderbot letting Gurathin tease it… wait, what? PR: “exterior POVs are always SO good”, "there's so many little characterizations in this fic and its really delightful!", "Adorable!"

If Statements by the_moonmoth Words: 36,683 (WIP) Rating: Explicit Summary: Without a cubicle to reset its endocrine system, Murderbot goes into heat. Gurathin would normally be the last person it would turn to for the kind of help it now needs, but he smells so good. PR: “hot, sexy, omegaverse action! Full of luscious art, too!" "Oh my LORD joining the freak train because this is fantastic!" "Aaaaaaaaaah *scream* *squeeeal* asddsgdhfthfj"

Recharge Cycle by SeeMaree Words: 5,023 Rating: General Audiences Summary: Murderbot just needs a quiet, comfortable place to run a recharge cycle. PR: “the one with the slippers" "i love this!!! Asshole friendship my beloved. U write them so good im soft" "I can’t believe you’re making them actually TALK to each other lmfaoooo"

Mixed Signals by firefox49 Words: 6,099 Rating: Mature Summary: While Dr. Gurathin is repairing some of Murderbot’s circuits, Murderbot makes a discovery about itself. PR: “the one that blows my fuse every time" ""Ahh I love how secunit is just like. Sex is a competition and I am going to win it" " I am that "sickos" meme going *yes hahaha YES*"

Plus One by musicofthespheres Words: 14,587 Rating: General Audiences Summary: Murderbot needs Gurathin's help, but he's busy. Turns out he has... other friends? Besides Ratthi and Pin-Lee? That doesn't sound right. Murderbot needs to get to the bottom of this. PR: “Murderbot being indignant about Gurathin having other friends is a fave" "Awwwwr i loved this so much its definitely one of my new favorites!" "Ohhh I just adore this whole thing" "they’re such a great little grumpy team"

[rainboneish]

i lied, i can’t wait until the official release, so have an absolutely massive text dump about what i think about chapter 267 and what i think could happen from here considering the newest developments:

okay i’ve decided… i like the fact that nobara is back, and i do think that it doesn’t contradict anything that has been previously established (her survival was very deliberately left as a possibility in a decently believable way)

the way she went down (and what Nitta said about her status) was open ended enough, no complaints there (especially comparing her “departure” (to quote gege) to Nanami’s and Mahito’s line wondering if he could drop her with one hit since he couldn’t do that with Nanami if he wasn’t already on the verge of death, it’s more than a bit of a Checkov’s gun, which is why so many people were already theorizing that she would return the way she did)

i also think that Megumi and Yuji’s conversation about her being as ambiguous as it was is not outside of the realm of realism, since it was only a couple days after she went down (so around 2 months earlier than the point when she woke up) so if her status at that moment was “comatose on life support and very unlikely to wake up”, so almost the same status Yuji last saw her in (plus considering the time Tsumiki spent in a coma makes it more likely for Megumi to sort of struggle to state the fact out loud)

however…

while I understand that gege might have deliberately avoided mentioning her status so that she would surprise us the way she did Sukuna, i think that it would feel less like a deus ex machina if they had mentioned her at least one more time, either by having Yuji (or anyone) visit her sickbed during the month’s preparation for the showdown, or by having Gojo allude to SOMETHING at any point where Yuji wasn’t present (be it at the airport, while talking to Ijichi before the fight, the same way that Yuta said that he would put Inumaki to work set up the recorder scene)

it didn’t have to be anything that would necessarily confirm her status or a direct mention of her, it could have been an unlabeled hospital bed at some point or something equally vague

i just personally would have liked having another connecting dot for her return around the time when seeds for similar surprising events were planted to make it fit a tad better

anyway, all that said and done, now to the return itself: Loved it, the whole chapter was very well executed and the build up in the chapter itself was very good

it does feel a little out of character for the tone of the series itself (gege has a habit of not letting the good guys win anything without it feeling bittersweet or pulling the rug right from under them (and us) at the last second (the fight against the death paintings with Yuji’s grief after, Mahito being absorbed, Kenjaku starting the culling games just as Yuki’s appearance gave people hope, the whole Tsumiki twist just when we thought they were getting out, the way Gojo died just when they thought he won etc)

because of that i am SO SCARED RIGHT NOW (which i’m sure he did on purpose)… everything looks like we are lined up for 3 to live (if gojo stays dead, which i hope he does, as much as i love him, the guy’s last words are that he is happy he went out the way he did and that he hopes his afterlife vision is real, LET HIM REST, he wouldn’t want to survive in exchange for Yuji or Megumi’s death (also having another character come back from the “dead”, especially one that is properly established to be dead, at this point feels like it would cheapen the concept of death in the series))

now, if this is how it ends, and this chapter was officially announced as the climax of the battle in advance so that’s likely, especially with the condition sukuna was in at the end, you won’t catch me complaining (i’m not THAT kind of shonen fan, griping over on twt about how it’s bad writing if we get a happy ending, these kids have been through ENOUGH, let them have time to grow older together, they never even managed to get to first name basis)

however: we do have another 4 chapters left…

and that leaves us with the option that if gege decides to be evil (like he often is) we could dramatically go from having unexpectedly reached the final “3 live 1 dies “ configuration, giving us a sense of security, to a fear of reaching the dreaded “only one survivor” option

Now, I previously made a different too long post about why either of the boys being the lone survivor would both be equally good story telling for a bittersweet ending to this story (see here)

now, i’m going to exclude the option of Nobara dying because her coming back just to be killed a chapter or two later would be stupid (plus the only way i can see that happening is if Uraume suddenly shows up at the dam after having killed Hakari and taken a train which… yeah… ), so that would automatically make her the lone survivor (again, already talked about the reasons why either of they boys dying works, though i will say that her return would strengthen Megumi’s will to live)

Nobara is more independent as a character than either of the boys, as far as her motivations go. She is the one character (out of the three of them) who viewed being a sorcerer as a job (think about her asking Momo is her life is just a job during their fight), more than having it directly tied into her purpose in life, which is something a lot of the adult survivors have in common. She has people outside of jujutsu society that she would like to see again (to be blunt, she has other friends and family, unlike the other two, plus she didn’t go through the additional trauma that made the other two cling to each other even more)

while she would definitely grieve them immensely, she has the resilience to grow around that grief, if both Megumi and Yuji should somehow die with Sukuna.

Again, i don’t think this is the most likely outcome, especially considering that gege said that he hopes the ending will make people happy which dead main characters don’t tend to do, but i do think that this is definitely an option i can’t dismiss out of hand until Sukuna is officially dead

edit: another point in favour of the happy ending is of course, the whole "jjk is about breaking the cycle" theory, which is reinforced by the "cycling curse" line on the second to last page of this chapter

[pandenewie]

14 - Real Men Clean Bathrooms

Prev | Masterlist | Next

AN: I’m back !! I will be back to my regular posting schedule from now on :))

WARNING: She's a little suggestive...

Jungwon has been called Wonnie most of his life… by his older sister, his parents, and his older friends when they’re trying to tease him… even the lady next door whenever he walks her dog or takes out her trash. Despite hearing the nickname from so many people, nothing will come close to the gentle flutter his heart feels whenever it slips past Y/n’s lips.

“Wonnie!” Y/n calls for what seems like the tenth time, poking his dimple to get his attention. A small habit they’ve started recently. Jungwon finally snaps out of his thoughts, remembering that Y/n is, in fact, standing right in front of him. “Oh, sorry uh… what were you saying again?” Jungwon asks sheepishly. He really didn’t mean to space out, it’s just that spending more than a minute in Y/n’s presence causes him to lose his train of thought.

“Mr Kim told me to talk to you. I’ve got detention again and he said I need to use that time to help out around the school or something.” Y/n shrugs. Jungwon can’t help the downturn of his mouth at the mention of yet another detention. They’ve been getting those a lot lately. “Um… I’ll have to check what the council is currently working on. It’s probably just cleaning desks and picking up litter though.” Jungwon says, grabbing his laptop out of his bag to check the minutes from the last council meeting.

Y/n leans over curiously, watching as he taps away on the laptop. “Is there anything you wanna do in particular?” He asks, scrolling through the list of volunteer work for the council. Y/n pretends to think for a moment, tapping a finger against their chin for added effect. “I’ll do whatever you’re doing.” 

If Jungwon wasn't already blushing, he certainly is now. "Um… I'm just cleaning out the out-of-order bathrooms… making sure they're ready to be renovated. It's pretty boring." Jungwon mumbles. It does sound boring… but Y/n's eyes light up nonetheless.

"You mean our spot?" They ask excitedly, causing Jungwon's eyebrows to furrow. "Our spot?" He asks. Since when did they have a spot? That feels like something he would definitely remember. "It’s where we skipped class together, don't tell me you forgot already?" Y/n pouts. Of course, he didn't forget! He could probably remember every interaction he's ever had with Y/n. He just assumed that Y/n didn't… or at the least, never thought about it.

"I mean… you can clean with me if you want. It's a pretty big job though. Hence why the other council members are doing easier stuff."

That made Y/n angrier than expected. Of course, Jungwon would get stuck doing the most difficult task by himself, while the rest of the council runs around picking up rubbish. God, if Y/n could name another member, they would definitely be going in their death note.

"I'll stick with you." Y/n says, surprising even themself with how genuine the words sound. Jungwon seems surprised too, his eyes widening slightly as the tip of his ears turn a pinkish red. He mumbles a quiet thanks before quickly typing Y/n's name next to his on the task sheet.

"Was this place always such a dump?" Y/n asks, looking around the small room in disgust. There's graffiti all over the walls and mirrors and the floors are covered in rubbish and drywall. Even one of the toilet stalls has had the door ripped off its hinges.

"Believe it or not, this is the better of the two." Jungwon sighs. "I'm pretty sure the girl’s bathroom has rats." He adds, causing Y/n's face to screw up at the thought.

The bathrooms certainly didn't look like this when the two were last in here. That was only a few weeks ago.

"How did it even get this bad?" Y/n asks, pulling a pen out of their pocket and walking towards the discarded stall door. Jungwon watches curiously as they crouch down, scribbling something on the piece of metal.

"Because people do things like that." Jungwon sighs, trying to ignore the fluttering feeling developing in his stomach at the "Jungwon and Y/n were here" outlined in a heart.

Jungwon actually starts to get to work as Y/n continues to look around. After a few minutes, they let out a small gasp - gaining Jungwon's attention once more. 

"Omg, I forgot about this!" Y/n exclaims, pulling Jungwon towards the scribbles on the wall. He looks at Y/n confused so they elaborate. "It's a list of everyone who hooked up here." This doesn't help. "In the bathroom?" Jungwon asks, his nose scrunching in disgust. "You'd be surprised. It's a pretty common make out spot." Y/n smirks, making sure to send Jungwon a playful wink in the process.

"Have you made out with someone here?" Jungwon asks, the question coming out a little louder and more urgent than he expected. Y/n can't help the smirk that spreads across their face. They place their hand under their chin, tapping repeatedly as they pretend to think. "Once or twice? I don't know… check the list." Y/n teases.

Jungwon doesn't want to look at the list - scared of what names he'll see engraved next to Y/n's. Scared of what feelings will come over him once he puts a face to the people who have been with Y/n. People he can only dream of being. But his restraint is limited and before he knows it, he finds his eyes quickly scanning the scratchy list of names.

It's not that bad. At least that's what Jungwon tries to tell himself. There's a handful of names written alongside Y/n's - mainly those who have already graduated, with a few from their current year level. It's not that bad. But Jungwon can't stop the bubbling feeling of jealousy that begins to form in the pit of his stomach.

"Find your answer?" Y/n asks in a teasing manner, despite their attention now being placed on picking up rubbish. Jungwon hums quietly, his eyes scanning the list once more before he gets back to work. "You're on there a lot." He mumbles, earning a scoff from Y/n. "You're slut-shaming me?" Jungwon stiffens for a moment but relaxes once more when he sees that Y/n is joking. "More like judging your hook up spot."

This comment causes Y/n to gasp in feigned offence. "Excuse me? How dare you judge the fine art of bathroom make outs?" Jungwon laughs slightly at this. "I'd hardly call kissing in the corner of a trash-filled bathroom a fine art." He gestures around the room to prove his point. 

"That is exactly how I know you've never kissed in here." Y/n jokes, causing Jungwon to sheepishly rub the back of his neck. "Why do you say that?" He asks, laughing awkwardly. "Well, first of all, your name’s not on the list." Y/n points out. Jungwon goes to mumble something about it being the destruction of property but is quickly interrupted. “Secondly, you've been blushing this entire conversation.” Y/n continues, taking the chance to quickly poke Jungwon's dimple. "And thirdly, you don't just kiss in the corner. That's where the spiders are. The basin is much more comfortable."

Jungwon struggles to hide his shock as he chokes on his saliva. He doesn’t know what he was expecting, but it certainly wasn’t the basin. “Need a demonstration?” Y/n asks, smirking. Before Jungwon can even comprehend a response (at least one that wouldn’t result in him embarrassing himself) Y/n is already pushing the remaining trash and drywall off the basin and onto the floor. Jungwon watches in half shock, half amusement as Y/n lifts themself up onto the now clear basin.

“So whoever you’re making out with would sit here. You’ve just gotta be careful of the tap because let me tell you, hitting your tailbone on that hurts like a bitch.” Jungwon’s not sure when this turned into a walk-through but he watches carefully anyway as Y/n playfully smiles at him.

Jungwon loves their smile - even though most times he’s seen it has been when they’re teasing him. He still loves the way it sits proudly on their face, the way their eyes shimmer and crinkle the wider the grin spreads. He also loves the smile that they show when they don’t think he’s looking. The genuine one, given only to those close enough to deserve it. Jungwon hopes to one day be one of those people.

Amidst his trance, Y/n decides to begin the next part of their tutorial. They quickly reach out to grab Jungwon by the collar of his shirt, pulling him in so that he’s standing between their legs. Being caught off guard, Jungwon presses his hands tightly against the basin on either side of Y/n, catching himself in order to not fall completely on top of them.

“This is where you would stand.” Y/n says innocently as if the position they are now in isn’t entirely suggestive. Jungwon is stunned. Being this close to Y/n brings back all the memories from the library - the way their warm skin felt beneath his cautious touch. Jungwon needs to stop this, for his own sanity.

“We should keep cleaning.” Jungwon mumbles, avoiding eye contact in fear that Y/n’s eyes could convince him to stay. Convince him to do things he most definitely shouldn’t be doing. “I’m just helping, Wonnie. It’s educational.” Y/n pouts, bringing their hands to rest gently on top of Jungwon's. The sudden touch causes his eyes to shoot up to meet Y/n’s.

His first mistake.

Now that they know Jungwon’s attention is fully on them, Y/n continues with their “lesson”. “There’s a lot of different places you could put your hands, depending on what you’re feeling. Most common would be my hips.” Y/n states, bringing Jungwon’s hands to follow their words. “You could also press a hand against the mirror behind me if you need the support.” The add. Jungwon stays silent, the only sound being that of his breathing - which is growing heavier by the minute.

“Any questions so far?” Y/n asks, holding Jungwon’s hands firmly against their hips. Jungwon doesn’t know what to say - doesn’t want to speak in fear of ruining the mood. But in classic Jungwon fashion, he can feel himself responding to Y/n’s question before he can even think. “What if you fall in the sink?”

His second mistake.

Y/n stifles a laugh, which causes Jungwon to blush slightly with embarrassment. “I’d hope you would catch me.” Y/n whispers, bringing one of their hands up to gently push at Jungwon’s chest. “But I would also hold onto you, that way if I do slip, you’ll be able to hold me up…” Y/n trails off, wrapping their arms securely around Jungwon’s neck. They make sure to gently play with some of the hair there, earning a slight but definitely noticeable shudder from Jungwon. “And all that would be left to do is kiss.” Y/n mumbles, blatantly staring at Jungwon’s lips. 

The two are silent for a second as the reality of the situation begins to set in. Y/n glances back up at Jungwon’s eyes, smiling cheekily at him. Jungwon’s eyes ever so slightly flicker down to Y/n’s lips. A move so quick, that if Y/n weren’t looking directly into his eyes, they most likely would have missed it. But with the close proximity of their faces and Y/n’s apparent love for eye contact, the tiny glimpse does not go unnoticed.

His third mistake. 

Jungwon continues to make a few more decisions that could be considered mistakes. Such as the mistake of leaning in as Y/n brings their lips closer to his. The mistake of tightening his grip on Y/n’s hips as they pull him closer to their body, adjusting the angle so their lips lock together just right. The mistake of opening his mouth when Y/n’s tongue gently brushes against his bottom lip. And many, many more.

Kissing Y/n is something Jungwon thought he could only ever dream of doing. But as Y/n’s hand tugs gently on his hair - bringing him even closer into their hold and pulling him into yet another kiss, it finally starts to sink in exactly what he’s doing.

Jungwon should be overjoyed. But an over-looming feeling of confusion starts to wash over him, the longer his lips stay intertwined with Y/n’s. In his experiences, people kiss him because they see him as more than a friend. With Y/n, he can’t even tell if they see him as a friend. In a few weeks, they’d gone from absolutely hating his guts, to kissing him in an abandoned bathroom. The sudden switch up makes Jungwon feel like he’s got whiplash.

A sudden commotion of people in the halls causes Jungwon to quickly pull away from Y/n’s lips. The teachers are talking about him - likely wandering the halls in an attempt to track him down and ask for some help. He mentally battles with himself on what to do. Getting caught making out in the bathrooms by teachers is embarrassing for any student, let alone Jungwon. It’d do wonders to his reputation - not in a good way. But on the other hand, he will likely never get the chance to be this close to Y/n again.

Y/n can practically see the dilemma on his face and reaches forward to gently peck his lips. “Go do your job, Prez.” They whisper, reaching up to poke his cheek once more. Jungwon gulps, mumbling a quick apology before stepping away from Y/n completely.

That’s how Y/n finds themself sitting alone in the abandoned bathrooms - the feeling of Jungwon still fresh on their lips despite him being gone for almost 10 minutes now. Jungwon’s not the only one feeling confused, as they sit there wondering what the hell just happened. Kissing him was certainly not part of the original plan. But they suppose if it’ll help with convincing Jungwon to change the dress code… there’s nothing wrong with getting something extra along the way.

TAG LIST (closed): @kang-yeosangs-initials @kpopstanmeg @b1ndignity @soobiverse @dudufodd @mikadorbs @pagesofmiracles @tya0 @ilovewonyo @bringer-ofchaos @huening-ly @ifearjwn @callmeblondie @run2min @straykids-riley (can't tag) @rikimylove @chaechae-23 @lacimolela @n1ght-maring (can't tag) @luvvsjungwonn @yenqa @tzuyusluv @viyqe @vocaloshin @deadgirlwalking3 @flamiricky @hanniesss @grayscorner @wonqr @neozon3nha @beomgyusonlywife @ahnneyong

[thebestbooksaround]

Can you suggest some of your favourite buck breakdown fics?

Ooooo, yes of course!

Tick Tick Boom by ChasetheWindTouchtheSky (@chase-the-windandtouch-the-sky)

30k | Teen

“Did you know if you put a frog in water and slowly bring it to boiling, it won’t hop out?” Chris is chattering as Buck makes a quick dinner while Eddie argues with his gas company on the phone. He can hear the occasional swear word in Spanish as his voice raises. Eddie doesn’t like to raise his voice around Christopher – the very thought makes Buck want to kiss him full on the mouth – so he decided to take it to the living room while Chris sits with his homework in the kitchen and Buck cooks.

“Hmm?” Buck asks, unable to fully pull himself out of Bobby’s baked mac and cheese recipe. It took him years, but he finally convinced the man to write it down. Bobby’s handwriting was juvenile at best on a good day, but this was nearly unreadable. Buck wonders if he did that on purpose. “Frogs?”

“Yeah!” Chris states. “My teacher said that if you put a frog in a pot, you have to make sure it’s not immediately boiling. You put them in water and then slowly raise the temperature and they won’t realize what’s happening. Then once they realize, they have no place to go. They can’t jump out.”

*

S6 Spec: Buck decides he doesn’t need therapy, reverts to some bad habits, and explodes. Or, the Breakdown Fic

__

bro·ken by kristen999 (@thekristen999)

32k | Mature

bro·ken

adjective

1. having been fractured or damaged and no longer in one piece or in working order.

2. having given up all hope; despairing.

Forced to take shady side jobs to pay his bills, Evan Buckley doesn’t think he’s ever seen such rock bottom. Until he meets Eddie Diaz, a man even more desperate and alone. Season 3 AU

__

crashing, i'm crashing right into you by himbobuckley (@bumble-of-the-bee)

6k | Teen

Buck gets an unfortunate call while driving and spirals before getting hit by a drunk driver. Surprise, coma!buck is real and can hear the things people (Eddie and Maddie) say while he's unconscious. Follows the struggles Buck deals with while trying to come back and the ones he has to face if he does.

6.07 spec, so the sperm donor issue is a Thing.

__

shelter my eyes from the sun (and wait for the birds to fly by) by lizzybizzyzzz (@lizzybizzyzzz)

25k | Mature

There’s always been a lingering precedent- Buck was born to save, born to die trying to at the very least. Buck couldn’t save Daniel, could barely save Chris, dragged Eddie across hot pavement under a burning fire truck, couldn't save his sister or his parents from the lifelong heartbreak of losing a child.

Buck was born to save. He’s just not too good at much else.

__

blue skies by spaceprincessem (@spaceprincessem)

36k | Teen

“Most babies are born as accidents,” She says suddenly, like she’s decided that Buck has passed, that she can trust him with this.

Buck doesn’t really have an answer because that question hits way to fucking close to home. A year or so ago he would have said, yes, I was an accident, so I know how that goes, but Buck knows better now. Knows that he would almost give anything for that answer to still be yes. Evie’s finger works under the seal to rip it open, a stack of important looking papers dumping out onto the table in front of her.

“Not me,” she says without looking up as she organizes them into a neat stack, “I was engineered.”

And.

And Buck’s pretty fucking sure a giant, cataclysmic hole has ripped right open, dragging him down to the earth’s core where he vaporizes into dust.

__

a leaf falls on loneliness by iimpossible_things

11k | Not Rated

Buck doesn’t think that if he were to say, “I’m in a bad place”, that anyone would turn him away. Really, he doesn’t. The 118 has too many good, kind people for that.

But every time he wants to open his mouth, to say something, to reach out to Eddie or Bobby or Hen or Chim, he hears Eddie yelling, “you’re exhausting.”

—you’re exhausting, you’re exhausting, you’re exhausting—

So each day he does his job and he laughs and he jokes and he pretends he’s the care-free goofball he’s always been. And each day he packs away his bruises and his worries, takes them home to his empty loft with its quiet rooms, and licks his wounds in silence

__

this is me trying (at least i'm trying) by screaminghalfpastmidnight (@screaminghalfpastmidnight)

15k | Teen

Buck nods against his pillow, remaining silent before Eddie whispers, “Do I have to be worried about you?”

“No.” Buck mumbles. “I’ll be back at work on Thursday. I just needed a day.”

“Do you promise?” Eddie says, and Buck knows he’s not referring to his comment about work.

“Promise.” You don’t have to be worried about me.

__

burn the straw house down by rarakiplin (@hoediaz)

40k | Mature

“Why the fuck are you even in this loop? This day isn’t about you.”

“Well, I die,” Eddie comments idly, not sounding as offended as he maybe should be. “Haven’t you heard? I’m always dying.”

“That’s not funny.”

Eddie shrugs, not really agreeing or disagreeing. It’s a few seconds before he says, eyes still closed, “Maybe I’m here so you’re not alone.”

-

or, buck gets stuck in time, has a break down and then, relatedly, a break through

[brainisonfire]

I really hope this won't come across as a way to compare different kinds of illnesses and struggles cause it's not, it's just stuff I thought about while listening to the great impersonator that I needed to share. at the end of the day, I'm just a mentally ill bitch lol

i still need time to process this record well enough to be able to fully put into words the amount of things that im feeling, but this whole thing about this album is bringing back things. so im sorry if this is going to be sort of a trauma dump.

in february one of my best friends lost her mother to cancer, and even tho it's not my trauma and my loss to claim it hit harder than i expected (and yes, i do feel like shit for expecting it to hit less). my friend and i grew up basically as one, we've been together since we were three years old, we spent so many afternoons in her room playing with her mum. i knew that woman too well to act like it didn't hurt me as well, but im not going to pretend it's my loss to grieve. she had a family i need to stay closer than ever now.

all of this was to say that when she died something in my brain snapped. i had the kind of reaction that makes you go 'life is short. i can't keep wasting mine. anything could happen at any minute. i dont want to go with these many things left unsaid'. which felt insane, and also kind of bad if i have to be honest, because years ago when my father died i didn't have the clarity of mind to act the same way and i wish i did.

it lasted a few months and then i fell back into my usual mental patterns and old habits, which I'm definitely not proud of, but i really do believe that even tho i keep telling myself that i went back to therapy because i needed an ocd diagnosis and someone to help me manage it (which is something that was and still is definitely very real), i actually needed to know i was working in a direction where i could, someday, be at least well enough to be there for my friends when they need me. because i fear that, right now, I'm not. and it's not fair to them to always have to second guess if they can call me or not when they need a shoulder to lean on, especially when tragedies like that happen. i want to be able to give them my undivided attention, not to have to fight against my brain to be able to barely have the energy to listen to them.

it was weird to listen to this album and realise that I can (in my own personal way, i dont want it to sound like i know the exact same pain h experienced cause i didn't go through the same things she did) relate to both of the points of view. my chronic illness is not nearly as debilitating as what she had to go through, but in my tiny way I've been both the 'heavy heart' that's 'too much to hold' and the one that wanted to try to be there for someone else and couldn't because of my own issues. and I swear im trying so hard to not repeat the same mistakes. im far from perfect, but I'm trying to show up more for the people that i love.

I'm not the kind of person that needs to do something big with their life or to give meaning to it etc, but i do need to know that it's worth it, that the bad parts are balanced by something positive. and, right now, i still dont know how to hope for things, cause a future is still not a concept i feel comfortable in yet. if i have to be completely honest i never pictured myself getting this far, but now that I'm here i might as well try to *actually* be here, at least for the people i care about. I can't do that if i dont start seriously working on things i avoided for ten years, and grief plays a huge part in this because spoiler: no matter how much time it passes, it still hurts.

i wish 13yo me didn't shut down completely and was able to process things instead, but apparently it's a job for 23yo me. i still need to fully accept that it is ok to miss my dad now even if i didn't let myself feel it for years, but i'm getting there. i have a million questions for him and I'll never get the answers. i still have to learn how to deal with it. this record hit like a ton of bricks.

so once again, after saving my ass with both badlands and manic at the most perfect time, h art came in at the right moment. i feel like something in me changed after listening to this album, exactly in the same way i felt in february. i felt my perspective shift again, for the better. I hope it'll last.

i might not be able to stitch my brain back together as fast as I'd like to, this shit will take time. i still have to fully convince myself that i can use the word 'will' instead of 'could' because i still dont really believe I'll make it lol, but one step at a time. I'm tired as fuck, but I'm trying.

i'm just so glad that i can do it while listening to the great impersonator. i needed this record so bad, it's unbelievable how someone who doesn't even know me is always able to give me exactly what i need when i need it. I'll forever be grateful for what she did and keeps doing for me through her music. this album means so much more than I'll ever be able to express

[reverieaa]

Your perspective makes things seem easy but imo when changing something like your appearence it can be very tricky to accept your desire as real in the 4d while the 3d is still loading. Pls dont feel like im dumping my negativity onto your tumblr but like I have bdd and today Im gonna miss ANOTHER party because i look disgusting and dont want anyone taking my pictures. Its hard to manage all of that while simouteinasly "living in the 4d".

If i really had my DF I would be taking so many pictures rn, i would be going out n having fun.... this is just an example as to why sometimes ppl may prefer affirming other than living in wish fullfiled, tho affirming doesnt rlly give me results either.

I understand where you're coming from, even though loa is a simple concept to work with it's still not easy for people because you're changing your whole view on life and breaking habits you've been taught since birth and I'm sorry you're going through a tough time. This is why I advice ppl to NEVER blame or bully themselves for spiraling and being human, that is normal.

However the reason why people may find it hard to live in the 4D and when they do only spiral bc of the 3D is because they still believe they are an outer man, meaning they have read loa but don't fully understand it or have not yet accepted it. Licing in your imagination is somthing you should want to do, not force yourself to do until you feel bad.

Like Neville said when he addressed this, words themselves have no power without you, so using affirming as a way to "get things" only leads to more lack because that's what they have accepted from the beginning. You could live in the 4D, have a perfect life and take amazing pictures, but if you don't see it as real you're going to feel delusional and feel like you're forcing yourself to "be something you're not" which will make you sprial and give up.

Trust me I have been through the affirming thing, other techniques too that never worked for me, when i entered the wish fulfilled state once, it was the most amazing feeling in my life because I did not care what the 3D was showing in the slightest, it was automatic. These problems that relate to "the 3D", persisting, negative thoughts and "how will it come abt" take care of themselves and dissappear when you put yourself first by fulfilling yourself with whatever it is you desire. To give yourself what you want and be gentle is to love yourself, to trust imagination is to trust yourself. You never ever, try to push your emotions away.

However I have no experience with BPD so I really do not have any specific advice, nor a relatable experience, therefore if this does not resonate with you than that that is totally ok 💕 I hope no one feels like they have to take my words as gospel and degrade themselves over their mental health and push it away. Always do what you feel is easiest and best for you. Take care💐

[wanderingblindly]

20 questions for fic writers - from the ever incredible @like-pilot-lights!!!!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

12! Although I've purged this account multiple times, so god only knows how many there used to be.

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

84,147!

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Currently just Formula 1, but my history is... questionable. (Dan and Phil, The Amazing Spiderman, Visual Kei)

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos? -

Is It Gay to Watch Your Teammate on Tiktok? (Landoscar) - genuinely had no idea this would garner so much interest?????

Middle Child Syndrome (Lestappen) - with love, this fic is the bane of my existence. Pacing whomst? Embarrassing to read tbh.

Rules of Engagement (Lestappen) - domestic fluff, my beloved!

Second Time's the Charm (Lestappen) - idiots in love, my beloved!

All The Stars We Cannot See (Lestappen) - this holds a fond place in my heart

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Always! The neglected youngest child in me craves validation like no other lol. Plus, I like the feeling of community it gives, especially when I see the same people in multiple works ^^

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I am a spineless worm and cannot write angst :)))))

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

uhhhhhh I'd say they're all similar? Ish? Love a "getting together" trope, man.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

No, and I've never seen hate on any F1 fic I've read! Thank god

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

No, but -- according to my old fic archives -- FIFTEEN YEAR OLD LIQUID THOUGHT SHE COULD???? WHY????

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

I haven't! Though my gf and I have a running joke of a Yuri on Ice!!! x F1 crossover

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

No one's had bad enough taste to claim mine as theirs lol

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes!!! It's still on my AO3 lol, but someone translated one of my Amazing Spiderman fics into Mandarin (it haunts me)

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? no, although

Not formally, but @like-pilot-lights and I basically spam each other in chat until we find the plot so... she's basically my co-author on everything lmao

14. What’s your all-time favourite ship?

Sebchal was my first F1 love, and therefore will always have a special place in my heart. That said, I think it would be a tie between sebson and sewis? Sebastian is the common denominator, as always, and there's something about... them seeing him grow from red bull to ferrari, the trust and respect? I can't articulate it but god I love them.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

oop the sequel to Second Time's the Charm has been in my drafts for.... ages.... and for some reason just won't come to me. I'll never say I won't finish it though, the idea could hit at any time!

I've also had a lestappen twitch streamer AU in my drafts for ages, but I can't seem to nail down the tone? The characterization, maybe.

16. What are your writing strengths?

If I'm honest, I'm not entirely sure? I don't think I'm consistent enough in my writing to have any strengths. I guess my writing occasionally has a pretty specific style to it, so maybe 'stylizing'? If that's a strength?

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I :) cannot :) shut :) up :)

Probably pacing as a result of my obsessive exposition dumping. I also frequently get arrested by the "he wouldn't fucking say that" police tbh.

Oh, and I'm trying to break the habit of writing in a way that sounds good in my very specific mental inflection, which often doesn't translate well when someone else reads it. That's a hard habit to break.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I don't mind it if it has a thematic purpose, but just for funsies? I don't see the value add

19. First fandom you wrote for?

... Visual Kei ... the GazettE had content on livejournal back in the day

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

Although I don't think it's my best fic, I have a soft spot for The Sum of Our Parts (sebchal). It was my second fic in the fandom, and it was the piece where I felt like I found my personal tone.

It was also the moment where I proved to myself that I could write more than one fic, that I could still come up with ideas like when I was younger. It was a very... solidifying experience, if that makes sense?

I'm thankful to that fic, despite all its flaws.

I think everyone I know has been tagged? Throwing a few people out there though, zero stress if you don't wanna do it <333 @felixsaysstuff @jennarations @f1-giuki @lattesqueeze

[libbee]

Gemini & Their Range of Personality

Kelly Kapoor, The Office

Funny, witty and silly

On and off relationships, no commitments

Impulsive, carefree and does not think of consequences

Lies and manipulates on a whim

No deep feelings for her boyfriend

Constantly needs validation and assurance

Loves drama, excitement, thrill

Shallow and superficial, falls in love because "omg he is so cuuute"

Display of emotions like crying are only for attention and sympathy

Talks a lot, a lot, a lot

Lives in the moment, unstable and inconsistent

Though she is actually quite smart to be able to give mental stimulation

If she could mature, she would use the concentrated qualities of Gemini like research skills, writing and publication, ironically she even works in paper company

Short term memory, easily forgets the bad times, adapts to situations

Mood depends on social approval, social butterfly

It is really fun to watch her on screen but imagine being around that person in real life especially if you are a water element

Mind is all over the place, fickle minded but really clown like if you are into that

Her boyfriend Ryan himself is a drama lover so he can tolerate her betrayal, toxicity and dishonesty. In return he also cheats on her and dumps her many times

The fact is that she would not even realize something is not right with her personality because that is just who she is, that toxicity feels normal to her, it is all about her so she does not care about other people's spaces in the office

I used to like Kelly Kapoor a lot back in the days because I could relate to her and was into such comedy style of life. I really liked being funny and just making people laugh, that was my idea of social bonding. Though now I have matured after a lot of efforts (8th house moon) so I am in tune with occult and spirituality. It is possible to mature as a Gemini person but for that the native has to uncover layers of emotions and repeatedly practice being in tune with the underlying emotions rather than escape it through socializing. Contrary to my personality, I also spent a lot of time in solitude just thinking about concepts and ideas and that solitary nature became natural habit to me.

As a matter of fact, that urge to speak just to get a reaction out of people, being goofball and silly is legit for the Gemini but it will only work with people like Ryan, Erin, etc. (who are also scatterbrain) so that restricts their dating pool because people that are deep and stable will not respond to their advances. Also pay attention to how detached Gemini is from their emotions, they can sing the most romantic song from Titanic and not a feel a single damn emotion because they are only putting up a performance. They can be loyal for sure if you tick many of their boxes (but do not expect them to be loyal in their fantasies because that mind will go places).

To be able to feel emotions, a person has to be courageous because it is not just happiness and highs that are the emotional range, there is also sadness to anger and shame to resentment and fear to empathy that have to be felt. Since Gemini are dismissive of deep emotions in themselves, they also ignore and belittle emotional depth in others. If anything, they will make jokes out of everything and laugh at themselves instead of feeling the emotion in the moment. Such emotional invalidation can be cause for trauma and abuse in others, especially if they are parents then their children will never feel like they are allowed to have emotions. The fact is that Gemini deals with mind, thoughts, words and it simply does not deal with emotions. In a positive light, this characteristic makes them easygoing and malleable, they do not hold grudges and bounce back from sufferings and problems without a sweat.

But in the negative light, Gemini's emotions pile up under the surface and it may show up as projection issues in their children or the people around them and close to them. Sometimes Gemini can get sadistic and test how far they can push emotional people's button, how much they can irritate them and push them to show emotions. Display of emotions by others oddly satisfies their own inferior function that they are unable to feel.

I would like to mention that we as a society know what emotions we ought to display in what situations. We know these social conventions and formalities. So if you spot a Gemini crying over an emotional video, do not think that they actually feel empathy for that, they simply know "this emotional scene means I have to shed some tears for social display". This is why they can come off as manipulative and insincere because they display emotions they do not actually feel. They will say "I love you" 10 times a day and still flirt with others because that I love you was a lip service, a social convention, a cultural performance, because this is what couples ought to say to each other - not because they actually love you.

If the natal chart is nicely balanced by water placements, do expect a change of personality in later years. Otherwise you need not worry because they naturally gravitate towards fellow non committal and fickle people in relationships and friendships. But if you are in the same classroom or office with them, yeah that will be your daily dose of unnecessary headache. Though I would expect Geminis to be working in media, cinema, entertainment, social dealings based sectors where social personality and charm help prosper the business and test of character is not a requisite. In relationships, Gemini will be your laughter buddy, binge watch buddy, gossip buddy, brainstorm about a 100 things buddy, social media addict buddy, constantly texting silly messages buddy, let's hangout somewhere buddy.

Do not expect them to be religious or spiritual, they will instead rationalize everything, life, God, soul, death. Just concepts, facts, ideas, jumping from thing to the next not going too deep into any particular topic. Remember! Do not confuse social performance with actual personality. Their chatty nature can get really annoying if you are looking for some moments of peace and calm, they will want to fill the silence with their voice and its echo. They themselves are in awe of their spontaneity, wittiness and presence of mind. Moodiness is seen, though it is triggered by lack of intellectual highs not because they are feeling deep emotions and sensitivity.

Waiting for their turn to speak, already thinking of what to say before you end your sentence, Gemini is just like that. Can be into online dating because Gemini rules internet, messaging and technology. This is life - a bunch of personality traits and their daily repetition. That is why people do not change on fundamental levels. I would personally not trust a Gemini (and I am a Gemini) though that does not mean they don't add value to life and society. Their value is their ability to communicate, play with words, deliver speeches, write books and novels, manager of languages and dealer of conversations. It is literally what makes us humans highly intelligent and superior to other species.

[rtnortherly]

Get To Know Your Tav

Tagged by @auspex-author (thanks!) Template by @sporeservant

Rhuna, (she/her) Duergar Circle of Spores Druid

(gotta do a proper portrait of her, also I'm still super early on in the game bc its a co-op and scheduling is hard)

What is your Tav's:

Favourite weapon: Randomly turning into a Deep Rothé and goring people

Style of combat: Tank (accidental) healer (in emergencies)

Most prized possession: A special sample box with her favourite findings on journeys, which include random bones, mushrooms, lichens, bugs, candlesticks, glass jars, random rocks, or whatever other junk she thinks is neat

Deepest desire: To make friends who also think her collection is neat.

Guilty pleasure: Making nasty and weird poisons out of the stuff she finds

Best-kept secret: Rhuna is incapable of intentionally keeping a secret, so her best kept ones are just really badly kept. At this point that's probably her nefarious plot to prank Wyll by filling his tent with glow bugs because he seemed Sad (would he find this helpful? Who can say. Are some of the party very much going to notice her doing this? Certainly.)

Greatest strength: Friendly/easy-going

Fatal flaw: Insatiable curiosity

Favourite smell: Dirt. Any kind of dirt really. In fact, she'll tell you a lot about the area based on how the dirt smells and it's composition.

Favourite Spell or Cantrip: Bone Chill

Pet peeve: Shouting or raised voices

Bad habit: Wandering off

Hidden talent: Stone skipping

Leisure activity: Finding/cataloguing/and sorting samples of fauna/flora

Favourite drink: Spiced goat milk

Comfort food: Roasted sweet potato

Favourite person(s): (She'd like anyone really) Zilvra, (sister's Tav) the fellow Underdark originator and snarky sorcerer who let her join in the adventure and appreciates her contributions, Karlach for being so cool and funny and nice and cool, Wyll for being the biggest sweetheart and most courteous and patient individual she has encountered. Withers because she doesn't understand a thing he says but he 's pretty neat, being a skeleton and all. Dammon because he's a nerd and she respects that. And he's also nice. Halsin because he seems pretty patient and tolerant and like he won't be weird if she starts info dumping about her mushrooms and lichens, and might even have his own thoughts on the topic (he reminds her of home)

Favoured display of affection (platonic and/or romantic): quality time and words of affirmation.

Fondest childhood memory: harvesting phosphorescent micro organisms from the rocks and using them for war paint in epic games of tag with other children in her community

Is there anything else you'd like to share? (feel free to include art or a screenshot of your Tav if available!)

Rhuna doesn't have many memories of life within the Duergar community, or with her biological family. She spent a large portion of her life with a group a druids who were mostly comprised of Deep Gnomes. They tended to travel between different warrens in the Underdark every seven years or so, and the journey was often perilous and could take months at a time. When they arrived at a new warren, they would begin to establish colonies of different flora, and then when it was well established, they would leave it to grow wild free of cultivation. It was also customary for their deceased to be used to start new fungal colonies.

As for folks to tag, I don't have the gumption right now (though I'd tag my sister so y'all could learn more about Zilvra if she were on tumblr.) However, if you want to jump in on this, please do! I love a good character read, and this one is fun!

[thegirlwiththelilactattoo]

No. 10, or Chapter 2: Electric Boogaloo

Introduction

In my first dissertation chapter, I found it exceptionally challenging to parse out what a chapter was supposed to look like and how to articulate my ideas. These are like pretty fundamental elements of writing, so my first chapter ended up being largely unfocused. I'm a write-as-I-think sort of person, but it felt pretty discouraging to turn in writing I felt wasn't as good as I wanted it to be. After sending the draft off to my committee chair for the first round of comments, I decided I wanted to address the most glaring shortcoming of chapter one in my second chapter. This manifested as two goals: remain in control of the argument and use evidence more efficiently.

Writing Chapter Two

I started chapter two largely the same way as chapter one, with a mind map. I mentioned in a previous post how I use mind maps, so I won't rehash that here (link to that post). The argument and evidence I initially planned in my mind map didn't end up in the draft I turned in...at all. Like in my first chapter, I planned to cover a robust amount of information that ended up being entirely unreasonable to cover in a chapter -- not in the sense that there were too many ideas, but that the strands of discussion didn't amount to an actual argument. I like love to info dump, so my writing often reflects me rambling with no point because I'm excited about what I learned. I ended up chatting with my advisor in the early stages of this chapter (good idea!!) to get her feedback. While I also didn't end up incorporating what we talked about in that conversation, it helped to reframe the chapter with more focus.

Another fail this time around, was my also bad habit of doing a ton of reading before I start writing. I ended up reading a lot about new materialisms because I thought I would do a literature review in this chapter. I didn't find anything particularly interesting in the literature from new materialism or other ontological turn stuff, so instead I wasted a lot of time reading for no reason. idk if I have any coherent advice for this, but I think I learned that I need to start with the data first and then read what feels appropriate to help me write the argument. I'm a firm believer in not deleting words. Instead I move them to a different word doc (I call mine "Chp X Bits") in case I want to include those words later. My Chp 2 Bits ended up being about 10k words of different stops and starts where I tried to figure out how to enter the narrative of the chapter.

After this point, I had another committee member read my draft. This was a bad idea. In my discipline, committee members typically don't expect or want to read rough drafts or be the first pair of eyes on early writing. The committee chair is considered the first line of defense who and gives comments on the initial draft. My other committee member did give some helpful comments about my over reliance on other scholars, which for her, limited my own theoretical contributions. Not sure if other people feel this way, but I've found that grad school has chipped away at my confidence to make authoritative claims that aren't couched in some other theorists' words, so this has been really challenging for me. I took her feedback and deleted entire sections that were just me talking about other scholars. Most of the deleted text didn't appear in the finalized rough draft or if it did, it was in the footnotes as additional context.

I switched gears after this second round of feedback and made an outline of the chapter just with data I collected to ground each section. I wrote a section heading with a scant description of what the data demonstrated and then from there, reorganized the chapter to emerge more organically from the data instead of secondary scholarship. As I wrote, I also used color-coding to organize this draft: words I wanted to keep (black), paragraphs that needed to be moved (green), main ideas the section needed to cover (purple/or highlighted), and stream of consciousness to be rewritten (blue).

Like I said before, I love to info dump and having the main idea of each subsection really helped me stay focused. I also find that using different colors frees me to write messily because it's not the standard text color I'll submit. If it's in blue, I know I have to rewrite it, so it's black text. (I also do this as a write anyway. I write everything single spaced and I double space text to signal to myself that it's finalized.) The color coding also helped structure my editing process because I had a better sense of the edits I wanted to make before I sent the draft off to my chair.

What I Learned/Chapter Three Plans

I won't start writing chapter three until July as I take a "break" to edit my first chapter, work on an article, and outline chapter three. I think that I'm going to focus a lot more intentionally on using the data to structure the chapter. For this chapter, I got a lot of great feedback about the theory, rather than structure because my writing was easier to follow. Without the tangents to secondary data, my writing also felt clearer and more controlled. I did qualitative coding for my data, so I have a ton of thematic codes that I haven't really used to their full potential. I'm going to start the outline from the codes/data to keep my argument consistent.

I also think that I'll check in with my committee chair more often. Usually I meet with her once the chapters done, but having her feedback when I ran into a challenge made a big difference. Especially as I attempt to make theoretical claims sans secondary sources, I want to rely on her more for direction.

Conclusion

So yeah, that's chapter two done, which means I'm halfway done with the rough drafts of my body chapters!! Writing my dissertation has been truly an Experience that I don't think coursework/teaching prepared me for. So much of it feels like throwing anything at the wall to see if it sticks, but I think with each chapter I get closer to understanding what this part of the academic training is supposed to do.

As always if there's anything you would like me to write about, let me know!

[cibbyxiv]

3, 8, 12, and 32 ya weenie

3. Do they have any bad habits?

She has a hard time avoiding getting pulled into bad ideas by friends... mostly thanks to Alisaie. Cybelle can't either say no, or she thinks "how bad can it go?". You'd think she'd learn her lesson by how many times she and Alisaie found out that it can "go pretty bad". 😒

8. What's something that will always make them smile?

To avoid the usual answer of "her friends" --although her friends are truly what she holds most dear--, looking at the Crystal Tower during night time always manages to make her remember of the good moments of her time in the First, as well as everything she's lived with G'raha. For obvious reasons, she associates the tower a lot with their friendship.

12. Have they ever had their heart broken?

(Why would you ask this when you already know the answer... 😭). I'm sorry for the coming lore dump, but I just thought about it and now I have feelings.

Yes, Haurchefant's passing traumatized her a lot, to the point that it took around a year for her to come to terms with it. Back in Heavensward they both developed strong feelings for each other, and kept mutually flirting with one another-- everybody around them could see how strong they felt for the other. People grew fond of seeing them interact, especially their companions. Haurchefant helped a lot with Cybelle's dragoon training (mostly the basis of the job, the rest was handled by Estinien and Alberic), and she also used to main White Mage at the time, so Haurchefant was thrilled as a tank to be healed by her whenever it happened.

The night before Aymeric's kidnapping by Thordan and the assault on the Vault, Haurchefant successfully sneaked Cybelle into one of those fancy balls hosted by Ishgard's nobility, one where his father had been invited. As an Au Ra, Cybelle was still viewed with a nasty eye by the rich folks of the city because of her horns and scales, so Haurchefant helped her hide them, and they somehow successfully managed to insert themselves into the dancing couples of the party and have a blast together. Some say that a certain Count de Fortemps (🤫) happened to see them, and provided a distraction for the two to sneak out when they eventually caught the attention of some wary nobles...

Some others say that the Warrior of Light and the knight wished each other goodbye after the knight exchanged a kiss with the Warrior, leaving her without words, yet holding herself back from grinning from ear to ear! And that after getting into their respective rooms, both of them realized what had just happened, with her sitting on her bed and being an incoherent blushing mess, and him secretly wishing he could have kissed her a bit more... or even pronounce those three words that had been swirling in his head ever since she had been visiting his camp at Dragonhead.

Unfortunately, whatever they wished on that night perished the following day at sunset. But in the end, as a warm hand held a growing-cold one, and the knight's eyes died watching the most beautiful smile he had seen in his life... they both knew.

And that was what's most important.

32. What's the most valuable thing in their possession?

I wouldn't say she only has one... in truth, she has several items that she makes extra sure to never lose or damage:

- Her Azem's stone

- Her Paladin's stone (previously Haurchefant's)

- A feather turned hair accessory given by Haurchefant after Tataru and Alphinaud's trial

- The Crystal Tower and Exarch-themed necklace and earring made by Tataru

- A Machinist gun given by the sky pirate Leofard

She's got a few more, but overall, her most valuable possessions are all things that were given to her by friends, the friends being either old or new.

[ontheroad-again]

🤯 ✅ 🤩 thanks!

🤯 What's a genre you struggle with as a writer (ex. romance, action, etc.)?

I struggle with writing romance due to a complete lack of personal life experience with it and, generally, a lack of interest in it as a reader as well. It’s not what I go looking for in books or fics as a central theme (though I do enjoy it when it’s done well), so I’m never quite sure if I do it justice when I write. I do like to write little patchwork scenes of established relationships, but I don't know how convincing my occasional relationship-development-from-the-beginning plot lines are. 

✅ What's something that appears in your fics over and over and over again, even if you don't mean to?

The final line of Desperado (Eagles) is “you’d better let somebody love you before it’s too late,” and I think that theme comes up in almost every story of mine, often in context of characters being pushed to their breaking points without fully realizing that they had people by their side all along. Especially in Madam Secretary, where the characters experience a lot of their hardest moments in the Truman with only each other to look to for support and the literal fate of the world depending on it (both in canon and believably in fics), I find the dynamic of feeling alone in a room full of people very compelling. And very close to home.

See also: Music in general, especially as inspiration for the general themes of stories. Health issues, mostly because of things I have experienced in the past (see below). Attempts at dry humor, with varying degrees of success, in my narration. 

🤩 Who is your favorite character to write? 

Nadine all the way. I have had so many thoughts about her character and her backstory since I first watched MSec (and so many thoughts about how much more screen time she should have gotten instead of having everything quite so focused on Elizabeth, Henry, and the kids all the time), which inspired my first ever story on AO3 (Ghosts That We Knew) and set the tone for a solid majority of what I’ve written since. Also, given that the majority of the works on AO3 are E/H-centered, I think I gravitated toward writing the things that I wanted to read that didn’t already exist in such large quantities, which has further multiplied my habit of Nadine-centric stories 🤣 

(I also have a bad habit of dumping all of my own personal problems/characteristics/things that I’m working through onto her in my stories so that I have an outlet for processing them that doesn’t involve journaling from my own perspective. Combined with the fact that I LOVE writing sad scenes for the sake of pretty words and emotional turmoil, this means that I am almost constantly breaking Nadine into bits so that I can put her back together again…I need to start dividing the load more evenly among other characters 🤣)

Thank you for the ask! :)