#I hate this penthouse sm

[glitter-covered-bodybag]

I don't think we talk about how awful the Dubai penthouse really is. I mean look at the dining room.

HUGE table that encourages distance (especially as there's only 2 of them living here). When it's only Louis with his little bowls of blood he's gonna sit there alone with the heaps of space available at this table and no one else sat at it and be reminded that he really is alone. The bland walls with only a painting or two. The crisp and cleaners of everything. No warmth.

Then there's Louis's (supposedly) relaxation room with Armand's magnolia tree and Armand's library. A library that book-obsessed Louis cannot access. He's wholly dependent on Armand to retrieve things from it. "Please daddy Armand, may I have a book?" 😒 We literally see this when Louis asks to see the removed pages. Those belonged to Claudia, Louis's companion/sister/daughter. Why should that be something he has to ask for? Bare, grey walls like concrete. Like a prison. White stones in the zen garden the same as those Louis was buried in.

Then the bedroom. LOOK AT THIS BED. ITS MADE OF ROCKS. You CANNOT convince me this is comfortable to sleep in. The width of it meaning Louis and Armand can sleep entirely separately. The coffins, padded as they were look so much more comfortable and we know Louis likes laying in his coffin more than a bed from when he was recovering from the full body burns and asked to be put in his coffin even though the room was sun-proof and he would have been safe on the bed. Then the bars surrounding the bedroom. He's sleeping in a cell. (I've seen other people point out the similarity between the bars over the arches and the turning of Louis which is a detail I LOVE for reasons unrelated to this post. Here's a visual)

Everything is controlled through Armand's iPad. Armand controls the lighting. Armand controls the window shades. It just shows this unequal dynamic between Louis and Armand. "Armand protects my happiness"?? No, Armand is the one with the power here. You're his pet. You're his ward. Armand is an owner, a parent, almost a jailer (I'm not saying Louis can't leave or Armand is Evil, at all, just that the power dynamic is heavily tipped towards Armand as he tries to prevent a repeat of San Francisco. I wholeheartedly think he's just so overprotective that it tips into unhealthy territory). Louis doesn't do anything for himself. This is not how romantic relationships work. This is the first clue that their relationship is not what it seems, the first sign that Armand is trying to keep control of the narrative.

There is not one thing that shows me that Louis enjoys his space. Nothing to show it's lived in. It's cold and plain and boring. Compare to Daniel's apartment, a man who has had a long successful career and also lives alone.

Warm. A little messy. Lived in. An apartment of Daniel's size is hardly cheap either. But you can feel that Daniel's space is Daniel's space. The Dubai penthouse has no identity. I know this is just a modern, high-value aesthetic but there are so many other 'rich person' aesthetics that could be adopted that would be comfortable. Even keeping the clean lines. Look at these...

Still clean, still modern but warm. Everything about the penthouse is depressing to me.

[lbxbx]

Accidentally Yours 1 | JJK

Pair: Jungkook x reader

Summary: revenge never tasted that good when you decide to get back at the man - who ran you over - with the worst punishment he could ever get, and despite all the grudge, maybe some time after, the grudge will gradually turn into something else..?

Genre: e2l, biker jk, series ( a long one.), smut, fluff, angst.

Warnings: mentions of car accidents, mentions of fractured bone and hospitals, mentions of insecurities, cranky oc, mentions of drugs and money laundering.

Taglist open ‼️

Mood board 1 | Mood board 2

It’s a Tuesday night in October and it’s one of your usual work nights where your beloved routine takes place. It's nothing out of the ordinary really, it’s evening time and you had just finished creating your content and filming it.

You're standing in front of your vanity mirror massaging your face after your skincare routine, your phone buzzing a notification that your food order is ready for pickup so you rush to slip something warm on.

You weren’t someone born with a certain passion or ambitious enough to get a big degree, but you did manage to get a bachelor’s degree in accounting about seven years ago and you did get a job at a local company as a junior accountant, but it just wasn’t enough.

You’d get your paycheck and spend it only on necessities, it was enough money for you to survive, but never enough to get you the life you wanted.

You ran into a couple acquaintances a couple years ago and only three hangouts later, and you’d kill to be in their shoes.

Not only were they living the life you wanted, they owned the house you imagined having in your dreams, owned luxurious cars and hell even traveled places you’ve never even heard of before.

You thought you’d find a part time job and juggle with the one you had back then but it was impossible, and when you did the math, you’ll basically still be in debt.

Instead of taking a step forward you decided to take two steps back and just quit your job, you hated waking up early and hated the fact that you worked under someone, and the money wasn’t even worth it.

One of your friends suggested content creating, and you thought it through, you have nothing to film that people would be interested in seeing, nor that life that’s worth documenting.

“No idiot, I meant onlyfans.”

And it made you feel uneasy at first, but you remember your first night filming your very first video vividly.

You invested your last couple of hundreds of bucks and got a video camera, the shop even handed you a tripod as a “thank you for buying one of our worst cameras” and you ran back home to set it up.

And honestly the whole video was you faking an orgasm and attempting to make sounds that are supposed to get you an audience. And you proceeded to edit it into a short ten minute video and post it.

The app gave you an option on how much you could charge your audience and you chose to charge only five bucks for a subscription, you’re just testing waters.

Gotta say you weren’t really hopeful about it.

You showered that night thinking, what if this was actually it? You might have just changed your life with the stupid few minutes you just filmed of you putting on an act.

Not even 20 minutes later you head out and run back to your phone to find a SMS message from your local bank, oh my god this has to be it.

You hurriedly unlock your phone to read the message, but it was only a confirmation text that you had connected your account to this sketchy website, which made you sulk a little, but really what were you expecting.

Even when this was a little over two years ago you still remember the second you got your first subscription, and it was basically the day after your first video, and it was only 4 subscriptions ( basically twenty bucks. ) but you knew that this was just the beginning, and you knew you had to invest more into it if you were going to live the luxurious life.

And there you are, two years later, you did buy a penthouse in a luxurious neighborhood, you managed to make your first investment and bought a couple apartments that you rent out for college students, you also bought not one, but two freaking cars that are freakishly expensive.

Not to mention you now invite your friends to go hiking or traveling together.

And last but not least, your cat Coco who you adopted right away, every time you came home you look at her with heart eyes when she waits for you by your door, she curls up right by your feet and sometimes she would make failed attempts of jumping right onto you and you find it unbelievably adorable, sometimes she’d even fall asleep right by your keyboard when you’re uploading your content and she is irreplaceable.

Fuck the degree, this is the best decision you’ve ever made.

Back to now, you’re throwing on your pair of sneakers and grabbing your car keys ready to go pick up your fried chicken. “I’ll be right back Coco okay?”

Your stomach was growling you can hear it resonate through the elevator walls, you head out the security and they greet you warmly.

Not only because you’re the most humble out of all the residents, also because you’re the most generous out of them all, treating them for dinners and lunches and sometimes buying gifts for the cleaners, they adore you. Not to mention you were a generous tipper!

You head out the building to watch a young man feeling up your car, a helmet in his hand and his motor bike parked right beside yours, now you usually didn’t mind, until you see him checking out your license plate and taking pictures of your car, his hand is about to touch the door handle before you voice out. “Hey!”

As if his body was prepared, a surge of adrenaline rushes through his system and his heartbeat becomes rapid, he’s fully alert that you’re after him now and as a response for his sense of urgency or fear, he throws on his helmet and right when he’s about to get onto his bike, he bumps into your car accidentally making the alarm go on.

“Get back here.” You are seconds away from running after him but you know you won’t be able to catch up. He manages to gain his balance back onto his motor bike right away and drives it fast enough to disappear out of your sight in seconds. “Idiot.”

You take a quick spin around your car just to check on it before unlocking it and getting in and buckling up, the stupid guy is long forgotten when you hear your stomach growling again, you haven’t had a bite after breakfast this morning, so you rush to pick up your food order and go back home.

-

Being your own boss made a bit careless about weekends, every day was a weekend to you practically, you only waited for the weekends occasionally if you were hanging out with some of your friends.

It’s Friday and the neighborhood you live in gets quite busy on the weekend nights, people who live in this areas usually host cocktail parties and reunions on fridays, some times newlyweds rent out the near by mansions for their honeymoon and it does get a little noisy.

You were never a fan of traffic and you hated having to stay long in the car so you avoided leaving your place unless it was really urgent.

��So are you coming or not?” Your best friend Natty is on the phone, you can hardly hear her when music around her is so loud.

Your friends have decided on hitting the club to celebrate someone’s promotion but with the traffic outside it was impossible for you to leave your place.

Plus you have a schedule you have to follow and you have to post something tomorrow and you haven’t filmed the content yet, so basically you had to work tonight so you’re not going anywhere, or at least that’s what you thought.

“No Nat i’m afraid not, i have some work left to do and i’m waiting for the gate keeper to come over and wash my car.”

You can easily imagine her rolling her eyes when she speaks. “Ugh, i’ll pick you up, work can wait, you’re your own boss.”

“Enjoy your night Natty, i’ll chat about it with you tomorrow.” You hang up right away and open the app on your phone to figure out what’s the meal you’ll devour on once you’re finished.

And honestly Sushi sounds good right now, so with no second thoughts you choose the items you want and add them to your cart, before you get up onto your feet and head to your room.

The room you specifically had designed for this type of content, not like it’s that type of rooms, but accent dark walls and a large bed, with the camera set up prepared all the time on standby along with the lighting ready, and a storage compartment for your “tools” and outfits.

You’ve grown to adore this job, not only do you do it to make money, but you’ve made a great amount of online subscribers that make you love doing it just so you can have a chat with them.

You get changed and right before you hit record you made sure to hit the order button for your sushi, so by the time you’re done you’ll have your food delivered by your door.

It doesn’t take you over 30 minutes to make a clip that you know you’ll have a hard time editing ( which was basically the worst part ever. ) so you get up and make it to your shower to clean up and get into a comfy pair of pants and a sweater, it was freezing cold outside and even with your fireplace on you were still freezing.

A small pop up banner on the top of your phone screen showed notifying you that the order was ready for pickup, which you recall you asked for it to be delivered.

A few clicks and failed attempts to get it delivered it was practically impossible, so you slid on your pair of sneakers and grabbed your car keys. “I’ll be home soon Coco.” You pet her and smother her with kisses before heading out.

Looks like no matter how hard you tried avoiding leaving your house you were eventually coerced to.

The traffic was unbearable, not only was it a friday night, the holiday season was coming up in a month or even less and people couldn’t stay home even when there’s a blizzard outside.

You rush to get into your car and quickly shuffle your fingers over the buttons to heat up the seats and the steering wheel. The sushi place wasn’t that far away but why walk there when you can drive? Specially when snow was expected on the weather forecast tonight. Although walking there would’ve probably been faster.

On regular basis it would’ve been a 15 to 20 minute drive to the place but on maps it was clear enough that this ride will take at least 35 to 40 minutes.

Luckily you didn’t have to worry about the temperature of your food-

Although you tried to be positive about it but you most certainly have driver’s rage and it’s starting to piss you off that the lights turned green and people aren’t driving yet.

You would’ve flashed your lights at the cars if you were patient enough but you’re not, so you honk the horn repeatedly and you couldn’t care less if people judged you for honking this late at night.

It bothers you even more that bikers just manage to slip between the vehicles and just cross the lights that are turning orange by now and soon come to red.

“Will you come on.” You whine before unbuckling your seat belt and turning off your car, and right after you leave your car and close your door, you were seconds away to scolding the driver in front of you when suddenly a searing pain is felt on your lower half, you could quite literally hear something breaking as if your bone is tearing apart, it’s jolting inside your body and it’s hard to ignore.

As if your nervous system was on alert your hand subconsciously moves to your leg, your eyesight even wonders there wondering if you even still have your leg attached to your body, and you immediately feel nauseous and breathless, you’re pretty sure you’re about to pass out.

“Maam are you okay?”

Scratch that. You already did.

The engines of the cars and bikes ( specifically the one that ran over you ) suddenly feel far away and you no longer hear them, your eyelids feel heavy and you immediately lose consciousness.

-

Okay maybe it’s not that reckless of a life, on the verge of being 30 yet feeling like he hadn’t still lived his entire dreams, he insists on doing everything he wanted even if it costed him a fortune.

Of course, he wants to go explore somewhere new? He’d do it, even if he’s in debt, he knows he’d end up starving for the rest of the month, living his best life was a priority and frankly his priorities are severely off.

He wants to drive a boat? He’d do it, even when he’s positive that he’ll never own one but hey, it’ll be a fun experience. He’ll have to give up on a couple of things this month as well

Of course his friends are joining a bikers club, why not join it too? It would be great to own a bike. It took him nights to figure out what to give up next and the only option he has was his car and in his defense it made sense. With the money he can learn how to drive a motor bike and even own the newest yet coolest bike in town.

So? Of course he sells his car and gets the lessons and even owns one of the best remodeled motor bikes ever.

This bike was a legit babe magnet, his good looks helped too but the bike played a bigger role than he did, wherever he went he would get the attention, even when he washed his bike in the nearby gas station he would have girls drooling over him.

Actually one of his latest encounters progressed into having the lady as his backpack on his bike when he drove across the city to show her how fast he can go, of course he ended up in her bed

He’s a little more financially stable now after he settled for his bike, he would end up being in debt because his job doesn’t pay that well, he does photography for fun and it was initially his hobby, he doesn’t have that many costumers but when he does he gets paid well.

His obsession for luxurious expensive cars was endless, he enjoyed visiting luxurious neighborhoods just to check out the cars there, one of the recent cars he saw was the black mercedes suv that was parked in front of a skyscraper in the middle of city and it drew all his attention, and to his shock it was driven by a young lady like you, he panicked that night and quickly rushed to get onto his bike and drove away to avoid getting into trouble.

Your car was custom made to your desire with the options you wanted, so basically it is one of a kind and there are no other cars like yours.

And tonight was one of the numerous friday nights where him and his friends would go bike outside the city and to his luck he was really late, and traffic tonight was insane, so he put his helmet on and drove really fast to catch up with his people, he started gliding through traffic and slicing through the lanes, he can hear people cursing which he was used to at this point but he needed to get there like right now!

He was focused on the narrow gaps being sure to dodge the mirrors and people who were on foot, he was a really excellent driver even when there was barely a breath of space left between his bike and other cars.

His phone let out a familiar chime signaling a new message and it had caught his attention, he was aware that his phone shouldn’t make a distraction while he’s driving but when it’s his friend Taehyung sending him a different location stating that they changed their gathering point, he had to check it out.

“Fuck-“ he muttered and tried hard to focus both on the road and on his phone, when maps loaded and showed him the new spot he pinched the screen to figure out the where the alley was when suddenly he bumped onto something- or someone he wasn’t sure, his phone fell to the floor and he was close enough to fall off his bike, hearing people panicking around him he was pretty positive that he ran over a person.

He cursed on the inside and debated on whether to stop or just run, but he did eventually hit his brakes, the screech of his tires making a deafening sound, his heart sank when he saw an actual person dragged onto the floor, a lady actually.

A look of sheer panic on his face when he realizes that this is an actual accident and it’s making a really big scene amongst this entire traffic. “Ma’am are you okay? Someone call an ambulance!” Someone yells from behind and rushes past Jungkook to offer help.

People were pretty sure they heard the sound of your bones breaking even when the engines were loud but it was unmistakable, Jungkook kneels down to the ground mortified that you could probably be dead!

“Ma’am are you okay?” And to his luck at this point you completely passed out, going totally unaware of your surroundings. Which makes him panic even more.

-

Is it nausea hitting you or what? You’re pretty sure you’re awoken by that, you’re swallowing repeatedly when your eyes flutter open, your pupils stirred, scanning your surroundings abruptly.

Unfamiliar place, unfamiliar faces, the smell is horrific and it’s really noisy and bright around here

Your eyes feel heavy again, you blink several times unsteadily, your mind finding it hard to catch up with your body, are you paralyzed?

Your breath slowly becomes shallow when you start to panic, and you’re pretty sure you’re conscious now but you’re totally disoriented to everything.

“Ma’am, it’s okay you’re safe now, can you tell me your name?”

Your name? It takes you a few moments to piece together what your name was, this was the silliest question yet you are unable to answer.

You can talk, but you can’t remember.

Tears fogged your eyes and right when you’re about to shake your head you realize that you can’t, your neck is stabilized with a brace and something hurts when you try to move. “I don’t remember.”

Someone on the opposite corner of the room who was watching from a far almost passes out when he think he might’ve actually caused permanent damage to you.

Your tears roll down to the corner of your eyes eventually falling to your ears, you hate the fact that you’re unable to wipe your own tears.

You blink repeatedly and your heart drops when you actually see police officers above your head waiting to interrogate you.

You hear the team around you blabbering some medical terms that you find yourself totally ignorant of before you speak again. “What happened?”

“You got hit by a bike, the x ray shows that your leg is fractured and your knee was disloacted, we already put your leg in a cast and you’re likely to be given crutches, but you don’t have to worry at all, everything is going to heal with time and the right treatment, we’ll hand your folder to orthopedics when you’re out of here so you can follow up with them. As for now we need to get an MRI to help us get a clearer look of what’s going on.” He elaborated that it rarely happens when people temporarily experience memory loss but it was just a check up and you wanted to make sure you were fine too, and find out why on earth you can’t remember your own name.

Once the doctors disappear you see a familiar face hovering over your head, long dark hair covering his forehead and eyes that you cannot comprehend the feelings behind, is he someone you know?

“I’m truly sorry, i didn’t see you.” So is he the one that hit you?

“How long have i been unconscious?” You ask, your pupils still scanning his face and your surroundings, he grabs out his phone and takes a glimpse at his screen. “It’s been about four hours.”

A bunch of nurses come by to take you back down to do the scan and you know that the guy with the dark hair is still hovering around because he keeps asking if you’re going to be okay.

Once you’re prepped for the machine with a pair of earplugs the entire team leaves the room and you’re left on your own.

You know the image will take a while so you need to calm yourself down and try and relax, loud rhythmic banging is hear once the machine operates and you shut yours eyes tightly, even when you were never claustrophobic it feels like you are, it’s a little too small for your liking and it feels like you’re suffocating.

Focus on your thoughts, try and think of anything else!

Y/n, that’s right, this was your name. You slowly recall your bedroom and try and imagine what your surroundings were.

What happened and how did you end up here? Your phone, oh no your car, you were driving, something involved sushi of some sort.

Your body relaxes a little and even with the loud thumping that is loud enough to deafen anyone, you’re a little relieved to be finally able to remember something.

The scan took about an hour and it felt a lot longer than it is, you were rolled back on the bed to the emergency room and again you spot the guy with the dark hair.

You’ve seen him once, just dig a little deeper.

“Are you okay?” He asks a little hesitant, his doe eyes monitoring you from head to toe, “the doctors said the scan was perfectly fine.”

“Are you experiencing any pain?” The nurse walks closer with some meds on hand, she injects something into your catheter and moves even closer to take the brace off of your neck. “The scan went well, your neck is okay it’s just that your ribs and ankle are a little bruised, bed rest should help you heal right away.” She flashes a smile before asking. “Any pain?”

“A little, yeah.”

It seems like she injected something to reduce your pain because once you answer her you suddenly feel like you’re floating, your pain feels a little less intense and a little more distant, your breath feels a lot slower and your limbs feel extremely heavy. “I’m fine.”

You haven’t heard yourself talking but it was clear enough that you’re drugged and your thoughts were completely fogged and muddled.

“Ma’am this officer Choi and i’m officer Lee , we’re just here to ask you a couple of questions.”

“Sure.” You’re finally able to move your neck and turn towards the two officers who you believe were four or probably eight, you’re ready to pass out any second now.

They start asking basic questions, your name and how old you were, and what you did for living, and you outdone yourself when you said that you do your job online from home, not mentioning and giving any further details.

“Did you notice the bike approaching you?” He asks, the officer behind him writing his notes down.

“No, i didn’t see him at all.” You look at the guy with the dark hair, your eyebrows pulling together when you try and brainstorm where you saw this guy. And honestly it feels like a workout!

“Mr. Jeon ran you over with his bike and we’re still interrogating him once we hear from you, do you know him?” The officer asks. “A nearby station towed your car and Mr. Jeon gave them your address.”

Of course he did.

He’s the biker you saw checking out your car earlier this week. As if Jungkook can see how you’re processing your thoughts his eyes widen when you speak. “Yes, he’s totally after me, i saw him outside my building the other day.”

“Am not, officer she’s heavily medicated just ignore that.” Jungkook defends himself. “I’ve seen the car she drives a week ago and after i ran her over i realized that it was the same woman and the same car.”

“Mr. Jeon i’m afraid we have to take you down to the police station for further interrogation.” The second police officer puts his notes in his pockets and takes out a pair of handcuffs. “Sir please listen to me, i promise i’m telling the truth, i don’t— I have no idea who she is.”

“Miss do you have anyone you can call? Like family or a friend? Mr. Jeon is the only one around and we need to take him over to the center, we just want to make sure you’ll be doing okay and safe with someone.”

“Do you have my stuff? I can’t see my keys and phone.”

“I have them with me,” Jungkook fishes out your stuff from his pockets and you scoff.

“Of course you do, now he’s stolen my phone and my keys.” You whine. “You broke my leg what else do you want?”

“For the record i was driving on the street like a normal person and you were walking, if you wanted to walk you’d do that at the sidewalk.” He arrogantly speaks while putting down your phone and keys on the stand next to you.

“And for the record, i saw the lights clearly turning red, you should’ve stopped, so not only you ran me over and broke my leg, you also crossed a red light.” You’re drowsy but you still have the power to argue, side eying the officer waiting for him to take note that this “Mr. Jeon” is double as guilty.

“We’ll run over the CCTV and check if what you’re saying is true.” The officer grabs your phone to hand it to you, “Can you call someone to be here with you?”

“Yeah, my friend Natty, she’s the first one on my contact list” you unlock your phone and lazily open the contact list to call her, the officer proceeds to take the phone and talk to your best friend while you lay in bed and struggle to keep your eyes open. Once the officers are a little distracted and their attention is averted away from you, Mr. Jeon takes a step closer with his arms crossed. “Can you please tell them i’m innocent, i’ll do anything you want, i’ll give you money.”

“How exactly are you innocent? I’m here because of you.” Your mouth automatically moves as if it’s the only body part disconnected from your brain,

“How much do you want? I’ll give it to you cash.”

“Hmm, can’t say i’m not intrigued.” You feign thinking before he blurts out. “You’ll take the money and just leave me alone.”

“Will your money fix my leg?”

He pauses for a second trying to think of an answer but you were faster. “Then no.”

“Please, i can’t go to prison, i was never there you can’t be serious.”

“Your friend is on her way here—” the officer walks back and hands you back your phone, an alert look on his face once he realizes that Jungkook was talking to you, a little paranoid thinking he might be offended you. “In the mean time Mr. Jeon we need to have a talk with you.”

-

You’re not sure whether is was a nap or some sort of coma, but your mouth feels dry and you’re a little groggy, you’re entire body feels lethargic and heavy and you’re pretty sure it’s the meds they’ve been pumping inside your veins for this entire night.

You take a glance at your surroundings and you’re still in the hospital this time in a private room, you feel extremely lost since you have no idea what time it is or if it’s day time or night time, once you turn your head to the right you spot a tall man wearing a dark leather jacket and holding a helmet in his right hand and a bouquet of flower in his left hand, his hair covering his eyes and a boxy smile on his smile that widens when you acknowledge his existence finally. “I’m sorry for bothering you- how are you feeling now? Any better?”

You start muttering words that don’t form a sentence before you clear your throat and decide to switch on your brain for once. “I think you’re in the wrong room—“

He flashes you a smile before tilting his head. “Y/n, right? I was told you’re in room 613.” He puts the flowers onto your lap, adjusting them once before picking them back up. “I should probably put those in some water.”

“Do i know you?” You can’t lose your memory again, it didn’t feel very pleasant the last time.

“Actually, i’m here hoping you’d do something awfully generous for me— i know we just met, and you cannot believe how extremely shocking the news were to me, i was really worried over you, but i’m worried more over my friend Jungkook who’s detained in the police station, they think he ran you over intentionally which believe me he wouldn’t hurt a fly, he’s an incredible man who was really worried for your well being the whole time you were knocked out— i mean passed out. However i really wish that you.. uhm..”

“Of course he sent you, listen sir, whatever your name is—“

“Taehyung.” He anxiously bites on his nails when he can sense rejection coming up from the way you’re speaking.

“You seem just as reckless as he is,” you glance at his helmet. “So if your entire biking cult begs me to let him out, i won’t.” You sternly speak, before blinking a couple of times. “Aren’t you guys a little too old for riding bikes?”

“Y/n, please, he’s willing to do anything for you right now.” He begs again, putting his helmet onto the chair behind him and putting the flowers back onto your lap. “He promised he’ll pay your entire hospital bill and even take care of you if he needed to.”

You’re a little intrigued, not the bill’s wise, you could easily afford that. But the idea of having him to serve you and do whatever you needed does sound tempting.

“Let me think about it, i’ll call the police station if i change my mind, but for the mean time i want you to leave please.”

“I appreciate it really, thank you so much, you’re so kind and generous—“

“Just leave Taehyung.”

-

“You did not.” Jungkook runs his tongue against his cheek before clenching his jaw. “I will not do that if it costs me my life!”

“Do you wanna get out of here or not?” Taehyung glares at the younger one before taking a look around them. “You don’t belong here, besides it’s just a couple of months and you’ll be over with.”

Jungkook’s face falls into his palms before he sighs. “i can’t believe you suggested that.”

“I can’t believe you broke the woman’s leg and ran her over.” Taehyung shrugs.

“If it weren’t for your message i wouldn’t be here.”

-

“You owe me.” Concealed anger filling your voice and you’re fighting every cell in your body to just not punch him and break both his legs in return.

He shifts in his spot and scratches the back of his head, trying hard to avoid rolling his eyes. “Look i didn’t mean to—“

“Oh i know.” You feign a smile. “Of course you didn’t, but it doesn’t change the fact that you did.”

You turn to look at the crutches sitting in the corner of the room waiting to be used. “So here’s how things are going to go, you’re going to make this up to me for breaking my leg. Every. Single. Day. Groceries, cleaning, fetching my meds, cooking, you’re going to stay up the night on standby in case i need something. And Who knows, maybe you’ll learn how to be a decent human being along the way.”

“Listen woman—“

“What he meant to say.” Taehyung laughs awkwardly taming his best friend, “he’ll do it.”

Jungkook’s eyebrows shoot up. “You want me to babysit her?”

“Yes.” You answer instead. “Consider this as your punishment, it’s either this or jail, maybe you’ll have your license taken away for life then.”

A defeated sigh escapes Jungkook’s lips before he shuts his eyes, fully surrendered. “Alright i’ll do it.”

“Good.” You smirk, already plotting his next task, the taste of revenge was intoxicatingly good.

[nctinkverse]

Promissa Redux - Chapter 2

Synopsis: Despite sharing a year-long relationship with your current boyfriend, an overwhelming fear prevents you from allowing him to bond with your daughter. The upcoming birthday party of your ex-husband, Jaehyun, adds a layer of complexity when you discover he has a new girlfriend and of course it's Valentine's Day.

The night unfolds with a delicate balance of humor and tension as you interact with Jaehyun's friends, attempting to maintain composure in the midst of emotional complexities. The story delves into the intricacies of co-parenting, the lingering shadows of past relationships, and the poignant journey of rediscovering love.

Warnings: minnors do not interact!, for this chapter we've got angst, sooo much angst and fluf.

Pairing: jaehyun x f. reader

Word count: 3.558

Unauthorized copying or translation of this work is strictly prohibited.

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Chapter 2 - Valentine's Day

You were dating the same guy for almost a year, he knows your child, but out of fear you never made the effort to get them to get along.

There was always a voice in your head that didn’t let you make them spent more time together, it’s always the knowledge that abuse also comes from we trust, and you never dared to expose your daughter to other man without your supervision.

What type of mom would you be if you let anything bad happen to her just because you wanted a dating life?

That fear was bigger than any of your dreams of marring again.

For you, finding love once in a lifetime was already more than you could ask for.

So, ever since you found the ring box on the floor, fear has gnawed you so bad that you’ve been giving your boyfriend excuses for not seeing him for the past two weeks.

You can’t put it all on Nari, there’s a bit of fear on being in love again.

As much as you have tangled yourself with other man, you always compare them to Jaehyun, it’s a mistake and you know it.

But you can’t help it, not when Jaehyun was your biggest love of all.

And since 14 of February was in just two days, you were on your penthouse floor with your daughter, trying to contain the mess of the photobook slash scrapbook that became your birthday gift tradition to Jaehyun.

It all started when you got divorced and as always, giving presents to someone who has everything they want, is hard, so giving presents to Jaehyun was a hard thing too.

The photobook was born of your idea of giving Jae, something of his daughter, he was still an idol back then, and his contract didn’t allowed him to have more time with his daughter, so he kept missing big events, the first time she let her entire popsicle melt while looking at the ferries wheels, or her look of wonder when you took her on a small trip to an aquarium in Japan.

So your scrapbook was full of pictures of Nari, and little stories about all the messes she made the day that picture was taken.

But as much as you didn’t hate him, being at his birthday’s was always a tad bit weird…his group mates who you had also worked with back when you were still working for SM Entertainment, treated you the same as always, big hugs and treating your daughter as their own niece.

Other people, the people who were only acquainted with Jaehyun after he divorced you, were always kind of suspicious of your good relationship or did try to probe into your personal life.

You never assumed you were invited so you always waited for the invitation to arrive or for his mum to say something…maybe one day he wouldn’t want you there and you had to respect if one day he didn’t.

This year, though, you knew it would be different when Mama Jung called you a few days ago…

“Are you coming to his birthday this year?”

“Am I invited?”

“Nonsense, you know you are.”

“Okay so I guess…”

“He has a girlfriend.” She interrupted you mid-sentence.

“Oh…ok.” You knew about it already; Nari told you about her dad new girl friend.

“Do you really want to come my dear?”

“Does he want me there?”

“Of course, he does…”

You cut her “If he does, please ask him to call me…I know you will say anything to please me Mama, but he won’t lie, and I need to know if he wants me there…”

After that she said OK, and you both hang up.

It wasn’t until almost midnight that same day that Jaehyun called.

“My mom said you’re not sure you’re going to my birthday party…did I do-”

You promptly interrupted.

“You did nothing wrong Jaehyun, it’s just…you mother told me about you girlfriend, and I haven’t met her, so I don’t want it to be weird… I mean it’s your birthday.”

“No Y/N, it won’t be the same without you there and Yeri knows about you…I just never introduced you guys because I didn’t-”

“Jaehyun, I don’t mind really it’s just… do you want me there?”

“I need you there, Y/N”.

“Then that’s all I need to know, I’ll be there.”

“Thank you.”

And that was about it, you were going.

It wasn’t the first time Jaehyun had a girlfriend, his relationships just never lasted enough to make it to his birthday’s you guessed, also a few years ago you thought he might ditch the whole birthday thing for a valentine’s date…but he never did.

He wanted to spend his birthdays with his daughter, he said once.

Even though his birthday parties were almost always full of family and friends he had to invite some of his co-workers, being an actor who worked almost always overseas, his birthdays were the times where he would also occasionally mingle with people from the Korean entertainment industry.

When you were still married, you didn’t mind it since you were in the industry yourself and some of the people you were familiar with or were a fan of their work, sometimes you knew more people than Jaehyun, since in most of the times, he was the idol, the singer and you were the one setting up agendas, coordinating the whole NCT media and press department.

But it became another thing entirely after you got divorced, most people would still assume you were married and refer to you as Mrs. Jung, other times you could pass by tables and hear whippers about the supposed motives for your divorce.

When the 14th of February approached again, you made sure to call Mrs. Jung and ask if she needed help for anything, she said everything was fine, just for you to show up on time with Nari.

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Still in your bedroom, pressing the snooze button on the alarm to remind you to leave on time, you looked at your reflection in the mirror. You bought a new dress, a new clutch, but still wore the same YSL stilettos you purchased with one of your first SM salaries. They were your favorite ones; they could be old-fashioned by now, but they made you feel beautiful and provided the perfect height you needed.

“It’s time to go, be calm, breath”.

 You told your reflection in the mirror while taking a few deep breaths, trying to calm your nerves. Grabbing the wrapped scrapbook from your bed, you left your room to check if the nanny had successfully kept Nari dressed while you quickly had a bath and did your makeup.

You smiled in relief when you saw Nari still wearing her cute strawberry-printed dress she had chosen herself. She was going through a strawberry phase; last month, it was a Hello Kitty one.

She didn’t notice your presence at her room's door, as she was talking to the nanny when you entered.

Observing her cute dimples, nose scrunching up when the nanny tickled her, rosy cheeks, light pink in tone, brown eyes, and dark, straight brown hair you thought she looks so much like him. Yet, when she smiled, especially with all the dimples making appearances, she mostly resembled you, especially the way her giggles sounded and the way her eyes and lips curved.

She was the perfect mix of both of you.

Noticing you at the door, she made a run for your legs, yelling, 'Mommy, mommy, let’s go see Dad!' She was always excited about Jaehyun’s birthdays; he would parade her for everyone, and she loved hearing the compliments. True to her father’s behavior as a child, people always found her smart and cute.

As soon as you both arrived, you made sure to drop his present at the designated spot, where presents were already piled up, and then made your way to the ballroom, where tables, a piano, people, and food were usually present.

Upon seeing her father, Nari practically jumped from your arms into the ground, making a beeline for him. A few steps behind, you got to him just as he had gotten her in his arms, and a man close to him spoke.

“Oh, this is your daughter, no wonder she is so beautiful, look at her mom a perfect example of fine Korean blood” he said approvingly with his head turning towards Jaehyun and what you suspected was his girlfriend.

You stopped on your tracks, a step or two from them.

Jaehyun was the first one to notice you, and probably saw the watery line that was already formed on your eyes, beyond your control.

It wasn’t the first time and probably wouldn’t be the last. But it still hurt.

Noticing that Jaehyun’s head had turned towards you, the man also turned.

“Oh an international nanny, that was very clever of you Jaehyun is she teaching your daughter English al-”

“She isn’t-” Jaehyun started to say still with eyes locked with yours. But Nari interrupted him.

“Mom, why are you crying?”

Diverting your eyes from his and landing on Nari you said:

“I’m not crying sweetheart.”

“But your eyes mommy”

“I know sweetheart it’s just the make-up.”

Nari was too clever and even though she didn’t say anything, she made grabby hands towards you. You approached the group and Jaehyun let her come to your arms.

Tucking her close to your heart, she crossed her little arms around your neck. You patted her back, and looked up to Jaehyun who even with you in heels was at least a head taller than you.

“Y/N-” He started with a soft tone, but it was no place or time for you two to talk so you just interrupted him.

“Happy Birthday Jaehyun.”

“Thank You, Y/N… this is Yeri…”

You gave Yeri a smile and a nod, and she gave it back. The man on the other hand did not seem ok.

“And this is Mr. Choi one of the presidents of MBC…Mr. Choi this is Y/N, Y/L/N, my daughter Nari, mom” he said firmly, his tone betraying a hint of anger

“I’m sorry I didn’t realized you had married someone who was not Korean, and your daughter looks so much like pure k”-

“My daughter is the most precious thing in my life she is the perfect combination of me and her mom, didn’t you see her big, beautiful eyes, she didn’t inherit that from me, I don’t dare to take the credit for her mom’s beauty.” Jaehyun cut him mid-sentence.

If angry was liquid, Jaehyun would be spilling over the man, it didn’t take much of you to realize it since Jae’s ears were bright red.

“Mrs. Jung!!!” You heard a familiar voice yell, Johnny of course, the only one who would still embarrass you with your ex-last name.

Yet, as much as he was annoying, you were grateful that he was approaching, you looked at him and he blinked, oh thank God, he probably noticed the whole situation.

“What are you still doing here Jaehyun…more guests have arrived, me included, and I’ve been waiting for you to realize me and Donghyuck are already here, but you didn’t. So, sorry Yeri, Mrs. Choi but I’m stealing those three.”

He said grabbing Jaehyun by the arms and making sure he was walking in front of him toward Hyuck, while grabbing you by the waist so you would unfreeze from your spot.

“I told you to not use the Mrs. Jung again John”.

“I know”

“Why do you use it?”

“To annoy you and Jaehyun, also, I think one day you might use it again” he said the last part on a whisper so Nari wouldn’t hear it.

You couldn’t do much, so you gave him a slight elbow punch to his stomach, being the exaggerated person that he was, he grabbed his belly in fake pain and looked at you with a pout.

Being 35 just like you, you couldn’t believe how much a dramatic ass Johnny could be.

You liked him, he just annoyed the shit out of you.

You three made a line for the table Hyuck was seated, Nari practically leaped to the younger Lee’s arms, she loved him, he was fool and let her get away with anything, he was putty in her hands. You talked for a while, but Jaehyun’s eyes were burning on your face, you could feel it.

When the conversation stopped, Jaehyun called your name.

“Are you okay?”

“I’m fine Jaehyun.”

“Don’t lie.”

You breathed a long breath.

“Right now, I’m okay Jaehyun really, it’s not the first time…it just…gets to me more than I should let it get.”

“I know, I’m sorry.”

“I’m okay, and I will be fine, go entertain your guests I’ll stay here with the guys if they don’t mind.”

Johnny had to butt in.

“Oh god we don’t mind it, actually, don’t think Doyoung’s wife would mind you keeping him safe from other woman, man that woman is OBSESSED, I don’t think she trusts any other woman with her man but shit, so much jealously if-”

“We know John!” Huck, you and Jaehyun said almost at the same time.

“Go Jaehyun I’ll be fine.”

“Ok, I will go.”

He turned but then turned towards you again.

“Where is my present!”

You laughed a bit.

“I just left it on the pile, don’t worry I haven’t forgot it.”

“Ok. Hum…can we open later, together as we always do?”

“Of course, Jaehyun.”

“Ok, I’m going”. This time he turned and went to entertain the other guests, later on his mom came to talk to you a bit, his dad left a small kiss on your forehead and carried Nari away.

Along the night you talked to the boys – yes, the boys from NCT127, all the 8 sitting at the same table, the chaos between shared stories and them drowning alcohol into their systems, Taeil talked about his wife, the latest recipes he learned, Johnny promptly jump in to ask when was going to be their next “family” dinner, Taeyong watched everything with a red neck because of the alcohol, his big black eyes focused on the conversation and talking a bit of sense to anyone’s crazy ideas for dinners or vocations.

Yuta was loud, talking about this rock concert he saw a few days ago, where the singer was an amazing vocalist, Doyoung said he wished he could also go to concerts with the guys but basically his wife didn’t trust his life in his friends’ hands, making an offended noise Jungwoo butted in claiming he had no idea why she said that since they were all responsible people.

Mark nodded, saying he had no idea why she thought that.

This time you butted in.

“Oh, please Mark, I do remember that time on a MV filming set where Jeno was on a dumpster lid and you told him to do back flips…you’re practically raised by Johnny, all of you are the perfect example of why man die first, just stupid.”

They all looked at you, offended of course.

Haechan was the first one to start the bickering.

“Watch most of us outlive you.”

“Of course, maybe 2 of you will.”

“I’ll outlive you.”

“Oh, please Johnny, if you manage that I might feel offended. I am outliving you at least by a few months since I’m younger.”

“Oh, please Y/N, you’ll probably die of boredom.”

“I will die of old age, and you will probably die while doing some weird shit.”

They all cracked up in a laugh, Johnny sometimes in the past was caught doing some hum, let’s say questionable things, nothing criminal, just, weird…but hey, not everyone’s got good tase.

And that’s how the rest of the party rolled for you.

It was already past midnight when you saw Jaehyun, go up the stairs with Nari in his arms. You quickly got up and followed up.

Nari had her own bedroom in her grandfather’s house, and her dad’s apartment as well.

Following close behind you opened your daughter room door, to find him tucking Nari in bed, you asked:

“She’s already asleep?”

“Yes, but she’s trying to stay up, so I brought her up, before she actually manages to kick her sleep away.”

She couldn’t even keep her eyes open; you watched while he covered her in the blankets and made sure her hands and feet weren’t out of the bed.

When Jaehyun finished, he got up and curved to give her a goodnight kiss on her head. You just looked at it, this is one of the many reasons even after everything, you still couldn’t regret any minute you had together, it was also times like these where you, missed your husband, your best friend.

You didn’t realize you were blocking the door, so Jaehyun touched your arm, it looked like he was whispering your name, so you let him guide you out of the room. As soon as the door closed behind you too, he asked:

“Can we open my present? Together like always?”

“Of course we can, but what about your guests?”

“Only my dad’s closest friends stayed plus the guys.”

“What about Yeri?”

“I sent her home with my driver. It’s been a long night.”

“Jaehyun…” You said disapprovingly.

“What?”

“It’s Valentine’s Day.”

“I know, but for me it’s just my birthday. She knows Y/N.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes. I’ll go down to grab it, wait for me outside?”

“Sure.”

Walking down the other way toward the gardens in the winter chill, a consequence of wearing a dress, you admired the meticulously tended flowers by Mrs. Jung.

Footsteps approached, prompting you to turn. Jaehyun halted upon meeting your gaze, holding a wrapped photobook. His eyes, however, were fixed on the ground. Following his line of sight, you realized he was focused on your shoes.

You remembered just as something warm filled your body, you had sex with him, once, while wearing those shoes.

Shaking your head slightly, trying to erase the mental image of him railing you while you wore nothing but the black designer shoe with the YSL letters as part of the golden heel.

Coffing a little you tried to get Jaehyun’s attention, no doubt judging by the red tone on his ears he also remembers everything.

He looked up as if you had woken him. So, you said:

“Are we going to open your present or not?”

“Yeah sure.”

Following him to the swing like bench you sit down while he rips the paper with a smile on his face that remembers a lot like a kid on Christmas Day, you contain a laugh.

He opens and flips a few pages smile growing the more pictures he sees. Turning his body towards you he asks:

“Walk me through it?”

“Of course, Jae.”

Smiling, you get closer to him, grabbing the photobook and placing it on both of your legs. So, the story begins. The first page narrates a day at a park near your home with Nari. You swear, she stared at a little boy with brown hair and dimples, as if it were her first crush. It suddenly struck you—maybe this was her first crush.

Jaehyun frowned a bit, making a bit of a sour face at mentions of a boy.

“She’s 5 Jaehyun, chill.”

“I know, but tell me did the boy was nice to her or looked at her with cute eyes too?”

“He was nice to her, even let her play with one of his toys when she made a crying face.”

“Well, that’s good.”

Laughing you asked:

“Why is that?”

“Our daughter is beautiful.”

“I know…” You said making question marks at him with your eyes.

“If he didn’t like her too, he would be a fool.”

“Jaehyun?”

“Yes”

“That was cute.”

“It wasn’t.”

“Yes, it was.”

“I’m not cute, Y/N.”

“Still, it was.”

Letting out a playful huff he finally gave in.

“Fine, it was. Now, moving on to the next page.”

Smiling you kept telling to Jaehyun the stories behind the pictures and little notes on the photobook slash scrapbook. You both laughed a lot about how cute and smart Jung Nari is.

Upon finishing the last page, he turned his full body, legs still touching. It felt uncomfortably close. Before anything could be said, his hand reached out, gently tucking the strands of hair behind your ear.

Chills went up your arms, he noticed too, but mistook for cold, so you watched as he took out his suit out and wrapped it on your arms and shoulders. You still couldn’t muster words, so you let out a small thank you under your breath.

When you raised your eyes up to his, he was looking at you with so many emotions locked in his eyes.

“Y/N…”

“Hum?”

“You look beautiful.”

“Thank you.”

You saw him getting closer but couldn’t manage to move. Even if you could, you weren’t sure in which direction you would move.

One of his arms circled your back, landing on your waist. Pulling you close, he held your head with his other hand carefully while he kissed your forehead. Breathing you in and out, he started:

“Y/N, I-”

“I know Jaehyun, I know.”

And you knew, but you couldn’t let him say it.

Next Chapter!

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To everyone who has waited for this chapter since I promised to drop a few weeks ago, tysm for you patience, I hope it pays out the wait.

- Tessa 💚

Taglist:

@dulyrana @clblnz 💚

@electric-hearts @hyuukah @baeseungcheolie @girlinbangtan @johnbanana @fashion-addictedd @peachfulnight @angel63715 @daegalismybiasinnct @chloemargaret @phattyboo90 @oyasueme @peachfulnight

ps. there is some people I wasn't able to tag, so I will be sending the update on your DM, if you already read, pls ignore.

[titan-senpai]

hiii! i read your valentino smut, and i hate him with every bone in my body, but i absolutely loved it. i was maybe hoping you could do some husk smut? i love him sm and i feel like he doesnt get enough love 😭 thankss so much and stay safe <3

𝐀𝐝𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐧 𝐤𝐢𝐜𝐤. 𝐇𝐮𝐬𝐤 𝐱 𝐆𝐚𝐦𝐛𝐥𝐞𝐫 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

[ Inspired by the song : Greedy, OR3O ft. Swiblet ]

Let's say before he made a deal with Alastor he owned the most famous casino in Hell . And Y/N being a gambler in their past lives decides to visit the place. placing risky bets adrenalin flying. catches a certain cat's eyes, what they didn't know they slept with the most famous casino owner...

Warning; Cursing, Intoxitaded, influenced by alcohol, alcohol use, NSFW, Smut, gambling [GN Reader!]

More of my Hazbin/Helluva content? Check it out here!

A/N; I LOVE HUSK, WE LOVE HUSK MWA MWA <3

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Walking in the so-called 'Most famous casino of Hell' as I showed the guard outside my reservation on my phone as he nodded letting me in. taking a look around the casino it looked like any normal casino? "Would you like a drink dear.." a waiter said i nodded as he gave me a drink on flame. "is it your first time here?" he asked looking how i was looking around. "yeah i guess, i haven't gotten time to come here.." I sighed. "We'll be in luck because the casino has no end here! Live your life to the fullest here my dear.." he smiled before waving goodbye as i smiled walking to a poker table.

Taking a seat as the person behind the game handed everyone cards. "Let's begin.." Succubi said, as I picked up my cards looking at them. Seeing it was a low hand. One said "Bet" as the person set 10 poker chips. "Call,"the other woman said. I thought for a second, "Actually.. Raise you to 30.." I said with a smirk as I placed my chips. "I'll raise it to 300.."The woman said in full confidence.. "Fold.."the man said next to me. "I play by my own rules..Call you to.."I smirked.. "A soul." I smirked as she gave me a fear look in the eye "Not any soul.. My own one." I looked her dead in the eyes. "Fo-o-l-d.."She said, trembling. I laughed as I felt the adrenaline kick in as I placed my cards on the table. as the succubi gave me their chips. I smiled as I asked the waiter to get me a drink.

Hearing footsteps behind me as a certain person walked to me wearing a suit taking a seat next to me, "That was quite an impressive young one.."He smiled as he ordered the waiter. "You want something to drink dear? My treat?" I smiled, "I'm good, I'm waiting for my drink." He fixed his tie "Those are cheap drinks.. I've got the good stuff. '' I didn't care at this point. I wanted to have some fun anyway so I nodded as he placed an order.

An hour passed by as I was a bit tipsy and so was he. "Woa.. careful doll.. Wouldn't want your pretty/handsome/Gorgeous face to get hurt.." without thinking i kissed him as he held my face. I didn't know how long that kiss was but he pulled away. "Let's take this upstairs?" he signald people as they led us through the crowd to an elevator. I stood there as he scanned a gold card and clicked the gold button going all the way to floor 666.

He held me as the doors opened revealing a gorgeous penthouse with a painting of him. "Woaaahh" I smiled looking around as he helped me to his bedroom as i took a seat on the bed. his lips connecting with mine both desperate for each others touch, "R u sure you want this darlin?" He smiled taking off his blazer and undershirt. "Yes.."I moaned as he attached his lips on my neck as he took my clothes off. Soon he took his boxers off revealing his Grey cock with white freckles leaking with pre-cum my insides desprate for him just by looking at it. pushing his cock inside as I let out a pornographic moan. "Holy Shit-.." Husk said as he grunted in my shoulders. slowly pushing his entire cock inside as my face showed pure bliss. finally it was at his base. "Oh my... you're taking my like a champ.." he smiled as he pulled out not fully just keeping his tip inside as i finally could breath before i could react i felt him push it in with power letting out a moan pushing my head on the pillow. The air out my lungs knocked right out as he sped up my eyes rolling even further now as I had my first orgasm, my hands reaching for him as he bent down still pounding it in me as my arms started to cling onto his back, my nails scratching him. "Right there!"I cried as he grunted going faster soon his movements became sloppy and started slowing down. "Where do you want me.." he said looking at me with a tired look. "inside.. inside please.." I whimpered. as he sped up reaching his own orgasm as he painted my insides white. his head going back from the pure bliss as i reached my own after he came my eyes shutting as my body shook.

pulling out as white liquid dripped out of me. Standing up as he got me a cup of water. sitting up taking the cup drinking water as he sat next to me. "Thank you for this.." He smiled laying back down. gulping down the water. "No thank you.. I've never got your name sir?"

"It's Husk, it's a pleasure meeting you."

[matsur1]

A Ran Haitani fanfiction penned by Matsur1

Warnings: Just a bit of swearing, mentions of blood, and violence

Word Count: 1.8k

A/n: I HAVE BEEN ON A LONG LONG HIATUS AND I MISSED WRITING THESE SM!!! I HOPE YOU ALL ENJOY THISSSS!! I enjoyed writing thisss so muchhh so I hope you enjoy this as much as I diddd. It's not proofread yettt btww hehe🫶 andd! Credits to 주호 on twitter for the pic I used on the title heading! xoxo

He was breathing, drunk and alive. Your husband, Ran Haitani, went missing the whole night, and although your marriage was an arranged one and you aren’t as close as married couples should be, you were really worried about what might’ve happened to him. Turns out he just went drinking the whole night with his friends and is now sprawled on the floor of your penthouse in broad daylight. 

“Alright, come on now buddy. We gotta move you to the bed,” you tell him as you pick up his arm and put it over your shoulder. He groans, “Buddy? Hate to break it to you honey but I’m your husband.” You scoffed, “Yeah, my arranged husband. You know we both never wanted this.” You lay him down on the bed and he opens his eyes to look at you, “You can’t be so sure,” he says. “What?” you ask in shock and confusion while he closes his eyes shut. “Are you that drunk to be saying crazy things?” you sigh, “I’ll get you water, sit down for a moment.” You walk towards the fridge to get a glass of water without knowing Ran has a sly smirk on his face. He wipes it off as soon as you come back with a glass of water though. “Here, drink up,” you spoke while you hold his chin, slowly tilting the glass so he could drink. 

Later that afternoon, when he finally woke up sober, his first thought was you. “Y/N?” he calls out as he walks around, looking for you. “Yeah?” you answer him, getting out of the closet, meeting him. He towers you by a lot, so you look up in order to look into his eyes. “There’s food in the kitchen, in case you’re hungry. Should be able to help with a hangover too.” He looks at you with a question mark written all over his face. “Yeah? Well, have you already eaten?” he questions you. Now, you weren’t as close as a married couple but you were somewhat close. You often had conversations when you’re both home, you ate meals together. I guess you could say you both were close strangers. Not friends, close strangers. Even friends would know more information about each other, but you two, you know absolutely nothing about each other. Perhaps about each other’s personality but never about your separate lives. “Yeah, yes I have. I’m actually heading out right now, we ran out of butter. Anything else you want me to buy?” you respond to him. He thought for a minute, “No, not really,” he reaches for his back pocket and grabs his wallet, “Here, use this,” he hands over his credit card. “No, it’s fine. I have some cash,” you insisted. “Well, I can’t be having my wife pay for the groceries now, can I?” he insisted better. You scoff and give him a little smile, “Alright then, husband.” Teasing as always, you thought as you take his offer and start to head out.

After you successfully bought butter and flavored sparkling drinks for you and Ran, you decided to finally head back home. Home to your penthouse, which you begged for from Ran. Well, to be fair he wanted to live in a whole mansion and you honestly didn’t want such a grand thing just for an arranged marriage. He kept insisting on the mansion thing but a penthouse sounded more comfortable for you. 

You ride the elevator up to your penthouse, meeting with a very big man full of tattoos. It really sends the chills up your spine but you weren’t fazed to be met with that kind of man in this area. There are a lot of gangs and such where you and Ran live, so seeing a gangster here and there doesn’t shock you at all. Especially since you are in one. But not a single soul knows about that, you rarely even go out, and people during the night can’t possibly recognize you. Not that anyone needs to know. But then he strangely smiles when he sees you ride the elevator with him. Lucky you, not only is he a gangster, but he’s a pervert too. How you wished this ride would only last a second.

“Well well well, if it isn’t the well-known Vixen.” Your train of thoughts stop at the sudden voice you hear behind you. Shit, you thought, tightening your grip on the grocery bag you’re holding. You could only hope he was talking about someone else, but there’s no one else except you and him. Him and you. “And Bonten Ran’s wife too?” he smugly asks. Bonten? As in the most famous wanted gang in all Tokyo? Pfft, and Ran? No, that’s impossible. I would’ve at least known or found out at some point. Right? You slowly turn around him, hoping to turn this situation around as well. “I’m sorry? Well, I sure am Ran’s wife, but I’m not so sure about the Vixen and Bonten thing you’re talking about,” you give him a forced smile. Why the hell is this elevator ride taking so long, you thought. He laughs, “Are you kidding me, girlie? Ain’t no way I would mistake the Vixen for someone else. I know it when I see it.” He lifts his hand, gripping your jaw, testing you, “Ain’t I lucky now? Boss would sure be happy if I brought the Vixen to him. The Vixen who killed his best friend.” You scoff, “You wish, now take your hands off of me,” you threaten him. “You know, now that I look at it, you’re just a weakling. What could that small body of yours do against mine?” he tightens the grip on your jaw. “But anyway, you don’t know ‘bout your husband?” He sure is talkative. You glare at him and start to hold his wrist, “About him and what?” you ask curiously. “Bonten.” He says confidently. “He isn’t in Bonten. Now let go before I do things that’d make you go home crying to your boss.” His eyes widen, he starts to laugh even more loudly, “So you really don’t know about him? When he knows about you? And here I thought you were rumored to be crazily smart.” He’s really getting on your nerves now. But knows about you? Ran knows everything about you and didn’t even bother saying a word? He knows everything about you when you don’t know everything about him? Talk about marriage. You slyly get the pocket knife you had in your pocket and quickly swung it on the pulse at his wrist. His eyes widen, his body slowly sliding down the elevator floor. You look down at his body, kicking it to make sure he’s unable. You motioned to put the knife back into your pocket when you noticed the blood on your blouse. Great, this day’s really been doing nothing but put you in a bad mood. You put the knife back anyway, turning around once again and realizing the elevator buttons were all pushed. No wonder the ride was never-ending. You let out a tsk and patiently wait until you reach your penthouse. Oh, you were so ready to confront your dear husband. 

As soon as the elevator doors open to your penthouse, you leave the body in the elevator, leaving it up to whoever sees that. To be honest, you could care less about the world because right now all that’s in your mind right now is killing Ran. You drop the grocery bag at the entrance, angrily removing your shoes as Ran greets you in a cheerful tone. “Welcome back home, Darling.” He doesn’t even bother looking at you, he’s too busy watching TV. “You got something to tell me, honey?” you question him in an angry tone. He was now confused, again. So confused he finally decides to look at you. His eyes widen when he sees the blood on your blouse. “Oh my God, Y/N! Is that your blood?” he panics. The genuine worry in his eyes just wants to make you forget about everything and kiss him instead, but no, you and Ran have a lot to unfold. “Don’t worry, Love. It’s not mine.” You respond mockingly. “What-“ you cut him off, “You knew about me?? And Bonten???? What’s that about! You knew everything about me when I didn’t even know a single thing about you!!!” You shout at his face, the betrayal in your eyes visible. His eyes widen even more, “Woah, slow down. What? About you? What do you mean?” Oh now he’s trying to act innocent? “Me! The Vixen! Stop trying to act innocent!!” you remark. “The Vixen?” he slowly processed this information, then he started to laugh. Now it was your turn to be confused. What was he laughing about? “Oh my Darling!” he walks toward you and hugs you. “Stop this. It isn’t something to celebrate about. Do you have any idea how frustrated this makes me feel? For years! For years I held back from getting to know you because this- this whole thing between us is arranged! I wanted to know so much about my husband even though he was arranged for me but I didn’t bother knowing because I thought you didn’t want all this! And all of a sudden you know almost everything about me? Do you know how unfair that is to me?” you rant to him, almost running out of breath. He loosens the hug, looking at you genuinely. “What?? What’s happening now?” you ask, still mad about the things happening. “You wanted to know more about me?” His voice softens. “Of course I do! You’re my husband, arranged or not, you’re still my husband so of course I’d want to” you start to cry, covering your face. “Oh doll face, I’m sorry.” He leans down and kisses the top of your head. “I’m so sorry,” he whispers. “But I didn’t know you were the Vixen, I never did. And yes, I am a part of Bonten. I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you. You know how I always put makeup on my tattoo just to hide it from you? I was terrified of the thought that you’d be scared of me,” he chuckles. Your tears suddenly stop, now you’re even more confused. “What? You didn’t know? But the- the man in the elevator told me you knew.” You explain to him, looking up at his eyes. His beautiful, genuine eyes. “Man in the elevator? Is he, you know, the one who owns that blood?” he points at your blouse. “Well yes, he got into my nerves and-“ He puts a finger on top of your lips, shushing you. “Well, at least now we know each other a bit better,” he places his forehead on top of yours. “I’m sorry, Y/N. I didn’t know. You always went on about how we never wanted this so I figured you didn’t want to get too involved in this.” Oh. The silence went on for quite a few minutes. Finally, you found the courage to voice out, “It isn’t too late now, is it?” you asked, almost in a whisper. He softly chuckles at your question, “No. Of course not, my lovely wife.” 

© Matsuri

[pengujoon]

A HOPELESS DEVOTION (ii)

content. oikawa x bsf!reader, reader has a crush on oikawa, oikawa is a douchebag, iwaizumi is their mutual best friend. angst and more angst, cw: suicide. Iwaizumi gets super sad at the end i'm sorry baby. too many tragedies in this

a/n: i keep deleting the story so i have to do the formatting again and again i'm so done. didn’t know people would like the first part sm so here’s the second part as suggested!

part i

Of course the atmosphere in high school the next day wasn’t the best - one of their most famous students killed themselves. Who are we kidding? They’re known throughout the entire province as the infamous volleyball captain’s best friend!

But to him, he hated their very presence. They were nothing but a nuisance. Yeah, initially he wanted to become friends purely because he saw that they had no one to be with - until he realised that they are the child of the president of the Miyagi prefecture volleyball association. Then everything went downhill from there.

All those times that you wore his jersey to watch his games made his stomach churn - he couldn’t possibly see you taint the jersey that was exquisitely his. He couldn’t possibly replace it with a new one, no no. His act would be easily blown by keen eyes. He had a reputation to uphold. 

But little did he knew that his carefully articulated plan of using you to get close to your father was blown way earlier than he ever expected anyone to know about it. And undoubtedly, it was none other than their very setter.

“Iwaizumi!” it was an undeniable fact that he made the group become a trio because all three of you were childhood friends: the only difference was that you didn’t know who oikawa was and vice versa. But the both of you knew Iwaizumi, which then led to the formation of the current friendgroup that took Aoba Johsai by storm. 

From the very beginning, Iwaizumi knew that Oikawa wasn’t someone you’d like to be with - especially so if you’re naive. Maybe it’s instinctive, but Oikawa is especially manipulative and is probably one of the most skillful people pleaser Iwaizumi has met in his entire life. 

And such is the reason why he was worried when he saw a sudden change in Oikawa’s behaviour to you - it was as though he was trying to please you, to not make you angry - to put simply: he was sucking up to you.

But to him, it didn’t make sense! Why? You couldn’t even possibly do anything that would benefit him - until he saw you walking towards the Miyagi Prefecture Volleyball Association building. Remembering that your father was the president of the association, it hit him that Oikawa wanted to get to your father through you.

The situation at hand was not favourable to Oikawa - the party took place in Iwaizumi’s home. It just happens that Iwaizumi’s family was well off and affluent, allowing him to have access to the cctv footage that captures the in and out of the entire penthouse. 

After being taught since young to watch over the day’s cctv footage to identify anything that seems remotely out of place, he made it a habit to watch them right about to sleep, something like a bedtime story. 

The moment he started the footage, he found you. 

It was offputting seeing the way you stood outside the kitchen. You looked… tired? Fearful? The cctv couldn’t really capture your expression given the distance, but at least he could make out the fact that you were hiding from someone. 

Probably Oikawa, he thought. 

His thoughts were confirmed seeing the very man in the kitchen with another friend of his. Thank goodness the situation was of use to him. The room was pin-drop silent, save for the soft distant humming noises of music and people from the living room.

He quickly put his earphones on to listen in on their conversation. 

And boy, he was pissed. 

The next day - with no warning signs and no nothing - the moment he saw Oikawa practicing alone in the gymnasium, he saw red. 

“You fucker!” Iwaizumi ran up to Oikawa and pushed him so hard he fell on top of the pile of volleyballs that lay dormant below him. 

“The fuck you want?” Oikawa shouted back in retaliation, surprised by Iwaizumi’s sudden outburst. 

“What did you say the other day when you were over at my house?!” He shouted, not bothering if anyone could hear it even if they were feet away from the now closely shut gymnasium.

Before Oikawa could even respond, Iwaizumi quickly added to his statement. 

“Before your ‘best friend’ stood outside the kitchen, they were happy! They skipped around when they were outside at the rooftop before looking so fearful when they were outside by the kitchen!”

Everything went blank after Oikawa heard Iwaizumi say the first 8 words. You were outside there hearing him talk about you like you’re nothing? That’s probably way you commited suicide. 

It then hit him like a truck.

Oh god, he thought, what does that make me?

“You’re a fucking murderer!” 

Ah, that’s who I am. 

“You think I don’t know that you got close to your now dead best friend only to reach her father? You think I don’t know that’s what you’re planning?

“It’s fucking tiring having to juggle your issues. They loved you! They were about to confess to you on that very night itself but look at what happened.”

He took a brief pause.

“They’re dead.”

An uncomfortable silence fell upon them. “Now what do you have to say about what happened that day in the kitchen?”

Oikawa remained silent, his head hanging low.

“Speak, you asshole!” He flinched hearing Iwaizumi roar at him. “What is it that you said that made your best friend jump off my penthouse?”

“I said I hated them!” Oikawa yelled in retaliation. “Said that I should get an award for acting that I like them so well.” Although he whispered the last part under his breath, it reached Iwaizumi’s ears and he had to put in all his effort to not beat this sorry sake of a best friend up into a mush.

 Iwaizumi turned his back against Oikawa and began pacing around the court. Anyone could tell that they shouldn’t get close to him right now: one wrong step and you’ll be done for. The fury in each step scared Oikawa - he had never seen him so angry before. Never once in his entire life.

“Did you know?”

Iwaizumi asked out of the blue, prompting Oikawa to look up at him. Oikawa hated how weak he was in this situation, so vulnerable and powerless against Iwaizumi. He hated the power imbalance.

“They have a name for themselves on a public diary website. I interact with them a lot there, but they doesn’t know it’s me. Although no names were mentioned, I just knew it was you. They wrote about what they felt for you and I could feel the love ooze out from the words beautifully articulated in her entries.” 

Iwaizumi glared at Oikawa, his eyes evidently teary. 

“You’re a bitch. Imagine finding out that your best-friend-turned-crush never liked you and fucking depises you. You should be grateful that they never found out that you got close to them only to suck up to their father.

“Imagine if they did. Your life with volleyball will be no more.

“Just like theirs.”

The pain from your death engulfed them both like an unending storm. The suffocating weight of guilt and remorse crushed their spirits, leaving them shattered and lost - they simply had no more reason to live. Losing someone as dear as you left a void in them that seemed impossible to fill.

Iwaizumi withdrew from everyone, shutting himself off from the real world. The once lively young man with a life full of potential became a mere ghost of his former self. For weeks and weeks, he blamed himself for not recognising the signs of your inner struggle, completely breaking down on the inside.

Every night, he replayed the scenes of the cctv footage on the outside rooftop, wondering what he could have done differently to prevent such a heart wrenching outcome. He would cry himself to sleep every night, knowing that he could no longer find solace in your presence anymore.

Oikawa, too, fell into a downard spiral of self-destruction. His dreams of volleyball success and fame lost all meaning; volleyball, once his passion and escape, now only served as the constant reminder reminder of the consequences of his mindless actions. 

The court, once a place bustling with energy and euphoria, now felt desolate and empty. He turned to unhealthy coping mechanisms, hoping to numb the pain that threatened to consume him.

Their friendship, once a rock-solid bond, slowly fell apart under the weight of their shared pain and regret. They became distant, unable to find solace in each other as they once did. The loss of their friend had left an irreversibly deep impact on them, altering the course of their lives and leaving wounds that seemed impossible to heal.

The weight of his sorrow became too much for Oikawa to carry. Without uttering a single word, he vanished from the world of volleyball and from Iwaizumi’s life. Their once unbreakable friendship shattered like fragile glass; the void he left behind felt like another gaping hole in Iwaizumi’s heart, an emptiness that could never be filled by anyone else.

Iwaizumi searched for Oikawa relentlessly, but his efforts were in vain. He couldn’t help but blame himself for driving him away, believing that he had failed his friend once again. The pain of losing you and now Oikawa as well was too much for him to bear.

Their paths crossed again one rainy evening. 

Iwaizumi, aimlessly wandering the streets, found Oikawa standing on the edge of a bridge, the constant raindrops mixing with his tears. It felt as though the sky was an accurate representation of their inner turmoils, hitting just a little too close to home.

The sight of Oikawa hopelessly standing at the edge of the bridge with no one else in sight pierced Iwaizumi’s heart, the pain inevitably obvious in Oikawa’s very own eyes.

“Don’t,” Iwaizumi pleaded, his voice choked with emotion. “Don’t do it, Oikawa.”

Oikawa turned towards the black-haired male, his face a mask of anguish and sorrow. What was once the captain of a powerhouse oozing with nothing but confidence was now a broken soul adrift in a sea of hopelessness.

The sparkle in Oikawa’s eyes had dimmed, and his once infectious smile had vanished, leaving only a haunting emptiness within him. 

“I can’t bear this pain, Iwa-chan.” Oikawa choked back a sob. “It’s all my fault. I pushed them away, and now they’re gone.” 

Iwaizumi took a shaky step forward; he was treading on a very fine line here - one wrong step and everything’s precious to him will be gone. “We can’t bring them back, but we can try to make amends. To live for them.”

Oikawa’s trembling intensified as he clung to the slippery railing. “I don’t know if I can, Iwa-chan. The guilt is consuming me inside.”

“I feel it too,” Iwaizumi admitted, his tears now streaming down his face. “But we can’t live on like this. They wouldn’t want it.”

The rain continued to pour down around them, as though it was a metaphor for the tears they both shed for their lost friend. In that somber moment, Iwaizumi realised how much pain Oikawa was holding within him, how deeply the loss had scarred his very soul.

As Iwaizumi watched in horror, his heart pounded in his chest, desperately hoping that somehow he could reach Oikawa before he jumped. He reached out to his friend, refusing to let go, trying to anchor him to the present, to the life they once shared.

“Please, Oikawa,” he implored, voice breaking with emotion. “Don’t do this.”

Oikawa’s grip on the railing tightened, eyes hollow and distant. He seemed lost in a world of his own torment, disconnected from reality, from Iwaizumi’s pleas. The rain mixed with the tears on his cheeks, but he remained silent - it was as though the ages of torment had stolen his voice.

The darkness within Oikawa was too much to bear, and the pain too overwhelming.

Iwaizumi watched in horror as Oikawa let go of the railing and disappeared into the raging depths below, swallowed by the darkness of the river. Iwaizumi’s heart screamed in agony as he desperately reached out to save his friend, but it was too late. 

He lost both his best friends, and what was once a trio bustling with energy now felt like an abandoned and desolate place. The laughter that had once filled the air now echoed back as haunting memories in his heart. 

No words, no gestures, no comfort could bridge the chasm that had opened in his soul - a void that could never be filled, a longing that could never be satisfied.

just so you guys know, i wrote this story while i was on a call with this certain crush that inspired this story lol XD but he doesn’t know and we’re just minding our own business but still being on the call to keep each other accompany because we’re not sleeping hahaha edit on my a/n: fuck this. i fell asleep on the call again. this happened twice im not letting this happen anymore  also i don’t know why oikawa keeps appearing in my stories like im sure there are other characters too but it seems that he fits these type of topics given his attitude and the fact that there’s iwaizumi to fight him

[immessingaround]

i can put together a list of stuff i like, stuff that i recognize as "cool" or "interesting". some of this stuff brings me joy. all of this stuff i am grateful for it existing. i want to be able to add and complete this list so i can look back on it and be reminded of what i have when i feel like i am nothing.

pete the cat

leonard cohen / songs of love and hate album

doing eye makeup (eyeshadow, liner, mascara)

garfield

polo shirts

jennifer Lawrence

ethel cain ptolemaea "stop" scream

also preachers daughter by ethel cain

chris pratt/jared leto hate hell yea

the cat emojis😸😹😺😻😼🐱😽😾😿🙀

saw iii angel trap

baggy black jeans

eyebrow slit

my old black lace up boots

ada wong microwave edits

ellipsis "dot dot dot" ...

people writing cuss words/weird things w lettering decor in stores (ex: 'kms' stockings at kohls)

7/11 by beyonce

gardettos

poetry i relate to

wham! last christmas pudding mix

considering broad and pointless philosophical questions (i.e. what is the meaning of life?)

christmas (ofc)

80s comedies (ferris bueller, better off dead, big, ...)

sad brokeback mountain edits

angel/religious imagery, iconography, references

alvin (and the chipmunks)

spelling "with/without" as "w" or "w/(o)"

trail mix

children of men last 40-45 mins specifically

tajin watermelon/peach rings

ikea model hand 🖕

pinterest

fuzzy socks

bti cg

ghostbusters

life is strange quotes "ready for the moshpit shakabrah" "holy shit are you cereal" "rachel in the dark room" "youre gonna DIE, motherfucker" "ik ur pumping drugs n shit to kids around here..." "i need to medicate" "shake that boney white ass" "no moshpit for you shakabrah"

classic movies

when u call me daddy (nvm she left lmao😭)

caramel coldbrew m&ms

(green) mechanical pencils

santa alter ego

mr x thomas the train mod in re2

weird/unique compliments

wearing jewelry

bolos or ties

my green skull necklace ilyyy

elektra from marvel (comics)

my handwriting idc if its messy

"can a loc come up in your crib?" scene from gta

"no i didnt kill him... but i did kidnap his wife!" scene from gta

pretending im a man

"i took her to my penthouse and i freaked it"

songs that begin like other songs but arent that song

12 am bathroom concerts

ppl who look unique

uno +4 cards

hawaiian shirts

(organized) clutter

bjork

keepin the streak (i mean chopping it up)

messing around in big stores

whole lotta red christmas ver.

baggy shorts (would totally still wear u)

we are the people by empire of the sun

mauve or plum UR MY FAV COLOR UGHH😩

a horse walked into a bar... i love that joke

updog "what's updog?" "not much. hby?"

we cry together clean ver.

being a lesbian so glad i dont like men

"walmart version of justin bieber"

grey spelled w an e

"culturally significant/pop culture moments i think about regularly/we dont talk about enough" videos

pretending im not living my own life

ornate things

going through old closet/junk

laying on the floor in front of my mirror w grouper or ethel cain playing (i want to get out of the house)

making spotify playlists after memes/tt audios

pajama pants

"LEAVE ME ALONE" "HES GONNA GET MEEE"

johnny cage (the international love edits from last year)

leon kennedy and those smooth operator edits

temp tattoos

roller skating

gorey/grotesque drawings

goretober

jar of flies by aic

pitbull mr worldwide mr 305

kevin gates ethical freak concert

jane from breaking bad

harris/chares my snake

painting my nails. all my beautiful nail polish ty😫

hash browns

mini beanie babies (the ones on my floor)

smores goldfish w the marshmallows even tho it got discontinued

eyeliner in my waterline

fake fruit in stores

deep red roses

george harrison

mix matched socks

coconut/lavender smells

coffee flavored things

soggy purple grapes

cashews

funky eyeshadow colors and palettes

my moms old lipstick colors (they are beautiful)

cherry flavored things

drawing on a mustache

turquoise and silver jewelry

samples in stores

physical touch (never get any😼)

purple hair dye (u made my life sm better)

gingerbread smells

my gta character

keyboard spam

smelling candles in stores ofc

carmex chapstick

immessingaround@myyahoo.com

gum / altoids (the pink ones)

silver jewelry/rings

last.fm

pineapple flavored things

mascara on bottom lashes

brownies

doawk

being a cowboy ig

no doubt

"your final challenge... let yo bih stroke yo bone"

"oh hell yea jigsaw you da goat!" audio

my celeb crushes

scooby doo characters

drawing crude cat drawings

catch me if you can

nacho from better call saul

chicken taquitos

aloe vera gel

i am mclovin☝️

these emoji combos: 🤠🔫, 🎅👍, 😹🫵

hoop earrings

commas, i literally abuse the comma key everytime i touch the damn keyboard

q tips

drawings ppl as drag queens (using artist's free will)

hair clips

xiuxiu

sky lights

fargo movie woodchipper scene

spotify obvi

[onlyjaeyun]

Zadie, Zadie, Zadie I know you said Poison bonus chapter, but may I recommend something even better, Hype Boy bonus chapter just in time for the one and only Jake Sim's birthday.

The feminine urge to write a fic for Jake's birthday is just too much, like my heart says do it, but my brain says finish your Sunghoon fic it's already at 51k and so close to being done.

I'm out of plot ideas for the moment, which like I've sent so many, instead just enjoy some thoughts for the moment.

Once they start dating y/n is quick to realize when Jay gets mad, rather than possibly yell and all at her, he'd just invite Sunghoon to go workout, getting his anger out that way rather than possibly hurting anyone with his words.

Jay is the type that once him and y/n start dating, he won't let either of them go to bed angry, it would hurt his ego, but he'd put himself aside and apologize for the argument even if it wasn't his fault. He'd apologize and just confuse y/n, since she's be just be like 'but I started the argument' and Jay's just like 'well I'm sorry I let you start an argument'. They definitely talk through everything, and Jay takes each and every word y/n says to heart. The boys definitely send that one picture that says 'me and bitch don't argue she tells me shut up and I do' to their gc and are all 'that's u Jay'.

Once y/n and Jay are dating, Sunghoon would find a reason to be at Jay's penthouse every night, just because he wants the good food. Jay would cook all the good food while y/n bakes all the amazing treats, Sunghoon calls them his parents at least once, probably in the gc at some point asking Jay 'what's for dinner', and when Jay's like 'why', he's like 'ur my parents and I'm hungry'; this interaction gets him uninvited from Jay's penthouse for like a week, until y/n ask why Sunghoon hasn't been over to raid their freshly baked goods and Jay lets him back in, but limits his visits to once a week.

Jay said y/n can personalize her area, but she refrains from it, not wanting to possibly put something out Jay does not like. Jay however notices that she does not personalize her desk like he said she can, despite how much he hates it and it hurts him, he puts a few personalized items on his own desk, seeing those makes y/n feel more comfortable about personalizing her own desk. While he might hate the items he put on his desk, he enjoys seeing the joy in y/n's face as she personalizes her own desk.

Jay isn't one for personalizing anything, but once him and y/n are dating, he has a picture of her in one of his desk drawers and whenever he can't just look at her, say he's stressed or just missing her beautiful face, he just opens up the desk drawer and stares at the photo. The boys definitely catch him smiling into his desk drawer at some point, and then clown him about how down bad he is.

Jay officially goes to therapy and stops using his notes app as a therapist after he overhears y/n say guys that take care of their mental health are sexy.

urgh bestie when have you ever MISSED with these? i'm afraid NEVER. i literally cant post your other hcs because they're too similar to my ideas and would be HUGE spoilers but these are too cute not to and i just :( thank you so much for taking the time out of your day to send me these k love you sm

pls ive been thinking about writing a jake fic for WEEKS but life keeps getting in my way i hate it here sm 😭😭😭 might just edit and rewrite an old fic bc i cant not post on his birthday as his gf like come on 🫣

also: FIFTYONETHOUSAND WORDS THATS FUCKING CRAZY AND I SHALL RESPECT YOU FOR THAT FOREVER THATS MADDDD

And to add to the last part: he actually goes to therapy and his therapist suggested him the notes app part bc he knew jay wouldnt do physical journaling but needed to let out his thoughts 😭😭😭

[dottores]

good evening from hcanon<3 wanted to stop by with the good good mid-week lda hc's that I can't get out of my head. i've been a sucker for fluff, but specifically childhood friends to lovers recently so i just wanna talk about their childhood

bestfriends!rin and ran who are so skeptical of you, like wounded puppies, but realize that maybe they aren't as guarded as they think when they look into your teary eyes asking if you guys can be friends

bestfriend!rin who adores with the way you always knock on their door when you wake up because you know they hate it when you walk to school alone

bestfriend!ran who is the one to wake up and walk you to school 9/10 times even when he's giving you the cold shoulder

bestfriend!rin who always makes up for it by picking you up from school 10/10 times either with ran or when ran's busy

bestfriend!ran who knows your schedule like the back of his hand, which is why it hurts a little when you know he's avoiding you, he always knows where you are

bestfriend!rin who will tug on your sleeve and hold on to you whenever you're just walking around the penthouse for the first few weeks of moving in

bestfriend!ran who stands outside of your school loitering with the excuse that he's "just hanging out" (it's so everyone knows which school and which girl not to mess with)

bestfriend!rin who will hold you during thunderstorms and put up a brave front but he's secretly just as scared

so bestfriend!ran comes to the rescue with a big blanket and lets you guys get under him and his long ass limbs (his wingspan go crazy) and will wait until you fall asleep before putting you in your respective beds

bestfriends!rin and ran who will drop everything for you the second you look at them with those teary eyes telling them about the mean mean boys who look at you funny and say weird things like how they wanna kiss you :( (who really knows what happened to those boys to this day, that's not your business)

bestfriends!rin and ran who drop by for lunch every day to which your teachers turn a blind eye because literally who is going to stop them

bestfriends!rin and ran who don't realize you're not as oblivious as you seem and that sometimes after they drop you off at home and say they have "business to take care of", you follow them, just to know that they're safe and when they catch you for the first time, they're so so angry and you don't know how to react so you burst into tears to which they start comically panicking

bestfriends!rin and ran who eventually know that you know what they're up to and admit that they were just a little ashamed of what they were doing, they didn't want to ruin your purity

to which you say that you'll gladly go into the dark, if it's for them (and maybe you did) <3

IM SO ILLLLLLL IM SO ILL IF YOUKNEW THE FLASHBACK IM WRITING RIGHT NOW IM SCREAMINF IM SCREAMINF IM SCREAMINF THEY LOVE EACH ORHER SM THEYRE MY DAVORITE EVER

i’m just imagining you and ran walking to school and you’re just chatting his ear off about one thing or another and he’s walking a few paces in front of you and you’re trying to walk faster to keep up but he notices and speeds up his pace til you’re almost jogging to keep up with him and you’re not complaining because “hey at least he’s hanging out with me” and this asshole is just having the time of his life watching you struggle

[wakatshi]

i hate u sm your theme your headers your everything is so pretty AAAAA THE TALENT AND THE EYE YOU HAVE FOR THINGS LIKE THAT STOPPP

this is like seeing that one rich, dewy face, pretty, put together, daily bag is a marc jacobs the tote bag, smells like delina type of girl and if someone asks you if you’re jealous of her and you just reply with a scream like this

(i don’t hate u i love u bitch)

stfu u love me 🙄 and ily too </3 like so much shut uppppp sndjxjsbndndbs

I WISH that’s who i wanna be ! i need a birkin, a cute penthouse and a porsche they would solve all my problems fr 🙏🏻 the marc jacobs tote is so so pretty i need 5 right. now. that’s literally me when i see a girl my age living that life KILL MEEEE that should be ME !!

[ncssian]

A Favor: Part Fourteen

Nessian Modern AU

Masterlist

a/n: my quickest AND longest update to date?? who am i??

merry christmas for real this time. thank you sm for reading i never voice my appreciation for yall but it’s there i swear

tw: abuse mention

***

Cassian’s plan to grab his stuff and get the hell back home is intercepted by Feyre, who pulls him aside and proceeds to spill everything about her fight with Nesta to him.

His heart hurts for Feyre—he of all people knows what it’s like to feel unwanted by your biological family. But what did she really think would happen? Their entire friend group is about placing chosen bonds over blood bonds. Feyre can’t be that offended if Nesta prefers the company of her friends over her little sisters. And trying to talk to Nesta about her therapy? Jesus.

But Cassian has a feeling it’ll take both Feyre and Elain a long spelling out of things before they can begin to understand Nesta the way he does, and he doesn’t have time for that right now. He’s too distracted to even provide the comfort Feyre came to him for.

Somehow, he makes up an excuse and detaches himself from the conversation, leaving to find his coat and keys. Azriel spies him on the way to the door and gives him a look.

“Not a fucking word,” Cassian growls as he passes. Everyone else is engrossed in a game of poker and getting progressively more drunk. Feyre now sits on Rhys’s lap, once again content. Azriel only smirks but shakes his head, letting Cassian slip out of the penthouse unnoticed.

He takes the long way home, needing the night air and flashing headlights to clear his head. Once he gets off the freeway leading to town, though, he picks up his phone and calls Nesta.

She doesn’t pick up.

On the fourth call that goes unanswered, Cassian gives up. Fine. She doesn’t want to talk to him tonight. But still he finds himself driving past her neighborhood, once, twice, as if he’s listless without being able to talk to her. He has too many feelings he needs to get off his chest, and she’s the first person he always goes to for those things.

Try to consider her feelings.

It’s that thought that forces him to turn around and drive back to the cabin. They’ll both feel better in the morning, anyway. He can find her and talk as soon as the day starts.

It’s past midnight when he finally pulls up to the driveway, and still he’s disappointed to not see Nesta’s car there. Still he’s disappointed to enter an empty cabin.

The Christmas tree they decorated together sits unlit in the corner of the living room, their presents untouched under the fir leaves. Without turning the lights on, Cassian trudges upstairs and heads straight to bed.

Any sleep he finds is short and restless. His eyes shut sometime around three in the morning, and when they next open, early dawn light is streaming in through the windows. Snow flurries gently against the glass.

Giving up on the prospect of genuine rest, Cassian accepts that he’ll have to seek out Nesta with dark circles and a half-functioning brain today.

He already has a list in his mind as he heads downstairs: get coffee and breakfast for Nesta, get dressed, be at her door by the time she wakes at nine.

Then he reaches the foot of the stairs, and realizes none of that is necessary.

Straight out of his dreams, Nesta is sitting cross-legged on the ground before the coffee table, inspecting a puzzle piece in the cutest sweater he’s ever seen.

Cassian freezes with his hand on the banister, wondering if he’s still asleep. He watches her bite her lip intently, trying to fit the puzzle piece into a corner of the puzzle. It doesn’t fit.

“Fuck,” she swears softly, tossing the piece aside. Cassian clears his throat.

Nesta’s head shoots up, her focus broken. “You’re awake.”

“You’re in my house,” he says dumbly.

“That’s what the key you gave me is for, isn’t it?”

Hesitantly, like he’s approaching a wounded bear, Cassian walks farther into the living room. “Are you—I mean, are we…?”

“Use your words, baby.”

He breathes a sigh of relief. She doesn’t seem upset. There’s so much he wants to ask her: did she sleep well? Where did she get her Christmas sweater from, and does it mean she’s secretly been a fan of Christmas all along? Does she want hot chocolate or coffee with her breakfast?

“How was your night?” he settles on. He moves to sit across from her at the coffee table.

“Find where this goes,” Nesta demands, handing him a new puzzle piece and pointing to their nearly finished puzzle.

Cassian obeys, and Nesta talks while he works. “I was pretty pissed when I got home last night,” she says. “I wanted to tell you all about this stupid fight I had with my boyfriend, and how I knew he was right but I was still furious at him, until I remembered that you were my boyfriend, and I didn’t want to see you.”

Cassian pretends to focus on the puzzle, letting Nesta get her words out.

“So Gwyn called to say thank you for her present—you were right, by the way, she loves it—and then we ended up talking the whole night, and I told her everything about my sisters and,” she waves a hand, “the other shit.

“And at one point I realized that I was telling her the stuff I needed to be telling you. So I came here as soon as I hung up with Gwyn.”

Cassian looks up. “When was that?”

Nesta shrugs. “Five in the morning?”

“Nesta,” he scolds. “You’ll fuck up your sleep cycle.”

“Will you let me get to my point, damn it?”

Cassian shuts up and sits back.

Nesta is staring down at the puzzle, fiddling with her fingernails. Carefully selecting her next words like an attorney would. “I wanted to apologize for—the things I said last night. I was projecting my insecurities onto you, and I’m sure you already know it, but that doesn’t make it okay.” She looks up, face serious. “My sisters and I bring out the worst in each other. We always have. But I let that affect how I treated you when you had nothing to do with it.”

“But you were right.” Cassian can’t stay quiet anymore. “I mean, a lot of what you said was wrong, but at the heart of your point you were right.” It took Cassian all night to sift through what Nesta had said, to separate the truth from the meaningless words of hurt. He finally sees it now.

“I should have watched out for you last night, even if I couldn’t claim you as my girlfriend. I know how you are in new environments with new people and I left you to the wolves.” The wolves are his most trusted friends, sure, but they aren’t Nesta’s. And he was an idiot to forget it.

Nesta fixes another puzzle piece into place, and for the first time this morning, true regret passes over her face. “I didn’t enjoy hurting you. I hated every second of it while I was doing it. So as long as you know I didn’t mean any of it, I’ll be fine.”

We were good distractions for each other in your lonely little cabin, but deep down you know we wouldn’t last a day in the real world.

You were sad and desperate for acknowledgement when we first met, and you’re the same way now.

Cassian nods once. “I know,” he says softly. “You could never lie to me.” Even if some of her words had struck a little truer than they should have. Cassian realizes bitterly it’s because her insecurities are the same as his.

“So are you going to tell me about what the real problem was yesterday?” He dares to broach the elephant in the room.

Nesta stiffens, refocusing on the puzzle to avoid his gaze. “I already told you,” she says. “My sisters and I bring out the worst in each other.”

“There’s more to it than that, though.” When Nesta doesn’t respond, he adds, “Feyre told me her side of the story. It probably wasn’t all of it, but if it makes you feel better, I agreed with you.”

Nesta snorts derisively. “She was being unreasonable, but I made it worse. You know that, don’t you?” She raises a brow. “You know how I am.”

Cassian remembers their screaming match from the time he tried to get her a doctor’s appointment, and oddly enough, smiles. “I know you hate it,” he says, “and I know it’s frustrating as hell, but people stop taking your arguments seriously when you start flinging insults. It probably isn’t fair, but you’ve been in a courtroom. You know how it works.”

Nesta grimaces. “Believe me, the future lawyer in me is not proud of how I held up in last night’s fight.”

“Right there.” Cassian slides a section of green pieces over to himself and fits them into place, completing the rolling hills of the landscape scene. There’s only a handful of pieces left, all in the sky area. He waits for Nesta to be ready to speak.

After several moments of working in silence, she says, “My sisters have never really accepted me the way I am. I used to think Elain did back when we were kids, but then I stopped prioritizing her and she stopped understanding.”

Cassian knows Elain is pissed that her once-closest sister no longer cares to talk to her. But what he wants to know is why Nesta stopped answering her calls. Why she pulled away and went into isolation, and wouldn’t come out for anyone until a few short months ago.

Nesta clears her throat. “I was not a well-adjusted kid. I’m not a well-adjusted adult, either, but—I was even worse in my youth. I had a deadbeat dad, who I hated while my sisters adored him. I hated the life we had to live because of him, and I let that hate seep everywhere. Into everything and everyone else.” She blows out a breath and shakes her head. “There was no place closer to hell than that fucking one-bedroom apartment. I hated the person I was in that place—like I had no control over my emotions, my tantrums, my entire self. I was stuck in this childlike state of rage and I couldn’t move on, couldn’t grow up.

“No one could figure out what was wrong with me, so I had to take care of my issues myself. I read more books, I went out more often, I always had headphones in—I learned how to escape. I learned how to limit the destruction. Once I did that, I could care for Elain more openly. I could have civil conversations with Feyre, too. That’s where we went wrong, I think. I gave Feyre hope that I could be a better person, and once she latched onto it, she refused to let go.” Nesta picks at the sleeves of her knit sweater. “She never understood that I was cold and removed just because I was. She always had this belief that deep down, I secretly had a heart of gold and a shit ton of love to give. I never bothered telling her she was wrong, so her expectations of me grew. And so did Elain’s. And then I graduated high school.” She shrugs.

Cassian frowns. “That’s when you left your family and moved here?”

She nods. “The distance helped. For a short time, I thought I was free. No responsibilities or people to answer to. But then I met Tomas—my ex—and Feyre and Elain followed me to Colorado not long after my dad died. And even then I stayed optimistic, because most people would be lucky to have their sisters and boyfriend all in the same place. I thought I could finally have all the relationships a normal person my age was supposed to have if I just put in the effort.” She meets Cassian’s eyes. “I never told you much about Tomas, did I?”

His stomach sinks, but he shakes his head.

“It was not a fun first love. But the only reason I didn’t tell you about it earlier was because I didn’t know how to describe it myself.” She rubs her palms down her thighs, but it isn’t enough to hide their tremble.

“I know what to call it now,” Nesta says. “It was abusive.”

Cassian says nothing. He can’t. But his hands curl into hard fists under the coffee table.

“Lana made me work up to using that word.” She rolls her eyes, like the whole thing annoys and embarrasses her. “He was abusive: physically, verbally, emotionally. I’m not going to go into the details or anything, but it’s what was happening to me during those college years that my sisters needed me to be there for them.”

Cassian would never in a thousand years ask Nesta for information she isn’t ready to give, but in that moment he’s overwhelmed with the need to know everything—every little thing that’s ever been done to her, so he can draw up a list and exact calculated revenge for all of it. His voice is rough against the lump in his throat, out of fury or despair he doesn’t know. “Nesta…”

“I promise I’m almost done.” She holds up a hand.

Take your time. Tell me everything.

“This isn’t about him,” Nesta says. “This is about my sisters. Because even if I hadn’t been stupid enough to let that man waste almost four years of my life, I would have ended up in the same place with Feyre and Elain. They’d still be disappointed when they realized I couldn’t be what they wanted me to be.” She wraps her arms around herself in a hug, and Cassian wishes he’d sat beside her so those could be his arms.

She shakes her head. “I did my best so I wouldn’t be cooped up with them, wouldn’t be lashing out at them… and it still wasn’t enough. They wanted me to be nice, friendly, talkative. So I tried doing that too, even though I hated it. But around the same time things with Tomas started to get unbearable, Feyre found Rhysand and you guys. So now I had to hang out with my sister while she had a group of strangers constantly surrounding her, and go back home to a man who hated me at the end of the day.” She looks up at Cassian then, and her blue-gray gaze hits him with the force of a truck. “As soon as Feyre moved away to Velaris, I saw my way out. I finally broke up with Tomas. I gave up on all my relationships and I let go, and I don’t care if you or anyone else thinks it’s pathetic, or the bare minimum. It’s all I had to give.”

Cassian swallows roughly, unable to find his words. “It’s not pathetic, Nesta,” he finally says. “There’s nothing pathetic about doing what doesn’t come easily to you.”

There’s a million other things he needs to say to her, to make sure that she knows she isn’t stupid, or embarrassing, or not enough. But it all floats right out of his head when she heaves a big, dramatic sigh, as if a great weight has been lifted off her chest. As if Cassian’s measly words were all she needed to hear to feel alright.

She snatches up the final remaining puzzle piece and clicks it into place. “And we’re done,” she declares.

Cassian looks down at the table between them, which is now fully lit by the beaming morning sun outside. His eyes land on an empty space near the corner of the landscape, and his face falls. “There’s a piece missing,” he says.

“No way, where?” Nesta leans closer.

Cassian is already on his hands and knees, checking under and around the table for the missing piece.

“This is all your fault,” Nesta is saying above him. “You bumped into the table that time we were making out and all those pieces went flying.”

“Well, how fucking far could it have gone? Help me find it.” He’s serious now, searching the floor with intent. They can’t leave the puzzle unfinished. It was the only thing he could find in his garage all those months ago that could distract Nesta from anticipating her MRI results. And after the diagnosis, it had been a way to lift her mood, to give the two of them an excuse to spend every evening together—

“Sweetheart, it’s just a puzzle.”

Cassian sits up straight at that. “Just a puzzle?” He narrows his eyes at her.

“Well, it’s either that or an overextended metaphor for our relationship—are you crying?”

“No.” He blinks quickly. If there’s wetness there, he doesn’t know how Nesta glimpsed it.

He’s had a hard twelve hours. Nesta even more so. “I just feel really bad, about last night and everything else.” Because even if she acts like what she just spilled to him isn’t a big deal, he’ll never forget it.

He looks up to find Nesta laughing. Hand-over-her-mouth cackling. Before he can ask what’s wrong with her, she’s climbing up onto the coffee table, breaking up the puzzle and sending pieces scattering as she crawls across it. “Nesta—” he starts to protest.

She drops into his lap, winding her arms and legs around his powerful body. And she leans in and kisses him, long and deep and sweet. His hands settle into the curve of her hips, where they’ve always fit perfectly.

She breaks the kiss to fit her palm to his cheek. “I’m sorry,” she says. She never says that. “I didn’t mean to make you upset.” Her lips quirk up teasingly, but real guilt from the night before lingers in her eyes. Cassian realizes in that moment that Nesta could never hurt anybody more than she hurts herself.

“Don’t waste your apologies on me.” He nudges her nose with his. “Save them for people who’ll actually need to hear them.”

A real smile starts to bloom on her face. “I’ll try.”

Pride and love take his breath away, but he manages to say, “Thank you. For sharing so much of yourself with me.”

She makes an embarrassed noise and waves him off, but emotion shines in her eyes. Just to spare her, Cassian changes the subject. “Now what in the world are you wearing?”

She glances down at herself, frowning. “You don’t like it?”

“I love it.” The sweater looks hand knit, bright red with a green Christmas tree in the center. Balls of colorful fuzz decorate the tree as ornaments. “I want you to wear it every day,” he says.

“Over my dead body. I’d rather you help me take it off.”

Nesta’s hips feel especially snug against his as heat rushes to his crotch. She smirks like she caught him on a hook and leans in to whisper, “You look tired. Did you stay up thinking about my dress last night?”

Cassian swallows roughly. It might have crossed his mind a few times—not just the dress, but the fact that she had picked it out for him. He didn’t know that Nesta cared about things like that.

She rubs a thumb under his weary and reddened eyes. “After your anger faded, did you think about all the make-up sex we were going to have? Because I did.”

“Nesta,” he groans, dropping his head to rest against her chest. Either she plays him too well or he’s too easy to play, because Cassian is half a second away from damning everything to hell and dragging her to the living room carpet.

Until Nesta’s stomach growls loudly.

That’s when he remembers: it’s Christmas morning, he’s with the love of his life, and they’re both starving and sleep-deprived.

He looks up to find her eyes screwed shut in frustration. Before she can protest, he warns, “Don’t even think about it.” He pats her thighs. “Let’s get some food in you.”

***

Cassian makes them chocolate chip pancakes, and Nesta, feeling clingier than usual today, hangs piggyback off his body the entire time he cooks. She hasn’t slept in almost twenty-four hours, yet she feels like she was born anew this morning.

In the middle of breakfast, Cassian’s phone vibrates. He hardly even glances at it before turning it over.

“Who was it?” Nesta asks through a mouthful of pancakes. She hasn’t asked him about how his own night went, but she expects that his friends will want to call and talk to him at some point today.

“Feyre,” he says without looking at her. “She asked where I went last night.”

“Why’re you ignoring her?” She raises a brow.

Cassian looks a little surprised. “I thought we were mad at her.”

“No.” Nesta sets her fork down. “I’m mad at her. What’s your excuse?”

He shrugs. “Solidarity. I’m mad that you had your Christmas Eve ruined. I know what it took you just to show up there.”

“You’re the only one that knows.” Nesta supposes that not everything has been cleared up with Cassian after all. “Listen,” she tries to soften her blunt tone. “Whatever is between me and my sisters… you don’t need to concern yourself with it. You’ll never have to choose sides between us.”

He watches her closely, carefully. “Even if I want to defend my girlfriend?”

Her stomach flutters at that inconsequential word, but she doesn’t show it. “Even then. Feyre looks at you like an older brother. I’m sure Elain does too, a little bit. Don’t let me get in the way of that.” He probably feels guilty every time he texts Feyre, the loyal bastard.

Cassian looks at his plate, then nods resolutely. “I can do that.” He adds a moment later, “For what it’s worth, I do get where the girls are coming from. Even if they had a shit way of going about it.” His eyes darken as he remembers.

Nesta doesn’t know what he was told about the fight, but she chuckles at his moody face anyway. “I expected you to. You’ve always loved spending time with your family, and you’ve never known anything different. But the reality is this: the closeness you have between you and your brothers isn’t something that can be forced onto every group of siblings. And the more Feyre and Elain try to force it, the more I push against it.”

“It sounds stifling.” His face is open, understanding. “To feel like you’re always too much but never enough.”

Nesta pauses, stunned. Cassian is almost too empathetic sometimes, like he carries a thousand past lives within him. Maybe he spent his time learning Nesta by heart in those lives.

Or maybe she’s getting too damn sentimental. She chokes out a dismissive laugh, going back to her pancakes. ���Just text Feyre back. Then we can have the rest of the day to ourselves.”

***

Late morning brings heavy snowfall and a chill that infiltrates the walls of the cabin. The Christmas tree in the living room is lit—something Cassian didn’t notice earlier when he came downstairs to find Nesta in his house. Realizing that she’s the one who lit it up first thing in the morning does something to his chest, but he pushes the feeling down where it can’t scare Nesta away.

The weight of the past day must finally catch up to her, though, because by the time Cassian finishes lighting the fireplace, she’s knocked out asleep on the couch.

“No makeup sex then, Nes?” he says softly. Getting up from the hearth, he goes to pull the fur couch throw over her body. Cassian settles at the end of the couch near her feet, taking care so she doesn’t wake, and picks up his laptop from the coffee table. He’s been slacking with his work ever since he got with Nesta, and he might as well catch up on it now before Rhysand takes notice.

The first email that pops up in his inbox is a corporate reminder about the annual New Year’s Eve fundraiser gala, hosted in some high-class hotel in Denver this year. Cassian reads the email once, twice, three times before reaching for his phone.

Rhys answers on the first ring. “Oh, so you don’t hate us,” he drawls.

“What?” Cassian is confused.

“Because with the way you’ve been acting at family events lately, one would have reason to think you don’t want to be around your family much.”

“Oh—no, this isn’t about that.” Cassian refuses to let Rhys linger on this topic. “I called about the New Year’s party.”

“What about it?” he says. “Other than that tacky hotel.”

Cassian decides to spit it out. “I’m not coming.”

Rhys is stunned silent over the line for a moment. “What do you mean, you’re not coming?” Cassian never misses company events, no matter how much he hates dressing up and driving out to the city to schmooze with donors.

But too many of his holidays have gone to Rhys instead of Nesta this year, and he finds himself unwilling to give more.

“I’ve been stressed as hell lately,” he lies, trying to stay quiet for Nesta. “I’m always the one driving hours to see everyone else, and I can’t go all the way out to Denver for another party. I’m sorry.”

“Bullshit,” Rhys responds. “You have nothing going on at work and nothing going on outside of it. What could you be stressed about?”

Cassian makes a mental note to find a hobby that doesn’t include his brothers, if only so he can use it as an excuse to spend time with his secret girlfriend in the future. For now, he has to settle with the truth. “I can’t tell you.”

It’s a petty card to play, but it’s a valid one. No matter how nosy his family might be, they know how to back off when a line is drawn, no explanation required.

Rhys’s voice softens. “Is it serious? Is it a health issue?”

Cassian nearly laughs, even though he feels bad for making Rhys worry. “No, nothing like that. But I still can’t come.”

“What can I do to make it easier for you?” Rhys tries again. “New Year’s isn’t the same without all of my family in one place.”

Cassian snorts. “Come over to my place then.” He says it half-jokingly, but then Rhys doesn’t answer, as if he’s thinking.

“The gala guest list is too big to fit in the cabin…” he ponders. “But I guess I could have it narrowed down at the last minute. The Mayfairs certainly won’t be happy about it, though.”

Cassian’s eyes widen, and he looks over at Nesta’s sleeping form. “Uh…” He scrambles for something to get him out of this.

“New Year’s at a luxury cabin, all of us reuniting at your home for the first time in months? I love it,” Rhys declares. “Better than fucking Denver, that’s for sure.”

Cassian coughs, then covers it up with a forced chuckle. “I’ll have the place ready by next week.”

The call is over before he knows it, and all he can do is stare at the phone in his hand wondering what the hell just happened.

You didn’t entirely lose, he thinks to himself. You’re spending New Year’s with Nesta.

Yeah—New Year’s with Nesta and his entire family. He drops his head back against the couch and groans quietly.

***

Nesta wakes up late in the afternoon to Cassian presenting her with a mug of eggnog and bad news about New Year’s Eve.

The idea of another party, especially one with her sisters present, so soon after the last one makes Nesta’s very bones ache. But she supposes she’ll just have to take the next week to recover and prepare, because she isn’t missing out on a holiday with Cassian for anything.

The way she’s started romanticizing simple things like the new year should probably alarm her, but it doesn’t.

They sit down to open presents with the TV playing lowly in the background. It’s nothing serious, and Nesta isn’t expecting to get anything much until she unwraps her present.

It’s a vinyl record packaged in an elaborate sleeve with the words Nesta’s Mix etched across it. She slowly pulls the record out of the sleeve, staring at it. “What’s this?”

“It’s called a vinyl.”

She spears him with a look. “I got that. What’s on it?”

Cassian turns sheepish, sprawled out across from her on the carpet. “I stalked your Spotify to figure out what you listen to. Then I made a playlist based off what I thought you’d like and got it turned into vinyl. It’s all new music…” He trails off at the look on her face. “But if you hate it, the B-side has your favorite songs on there. You can listen to it either way.”

“I don’t hate it.” Nesta blinks her burning eyes rapidly, staring down at the gift in her hands. She’s not used to receiving thoughtful gifts—or pricey ones. “Thank you,” she says plainly, trying to let her feelings speak for themselves in those two words. “I love it.” She knows she should be saying more, damn it, but what can she say?

Cassian reaches out to put a hand on her knee, his thumb stroking circles across her leg. She looks up at him and realizes she doesn’t need words. Leaning forward, she lands a kiss on his cheek and can only hope that it’s sufficient. “Where am I going to play it?” she asks.

“I was close to getting you a record player when I remembered I already have one. I’ve never used it in my life.” He looks at her more gently now. “So it’s basically yours.”

Nesta’s chest tightens painfully. Not because he’s giving the record player to her, but because he’s suggesting they own it together.

“My present is going to look so stupid next to yours,” she says quietly.

Cassian grins. “Now I really need to see it.”

Nesta buries her head in her hands in humiliation while he tears open the wrapping paper of his gift, and only looks up when she hears him laugh aloud.

He’s holding a copy of one of Nesta’s favorite romances, and the first of many of her books that he’s ever stolen from her and read. He turns the vintage paperback around in his hands. “I remember this one. I totally had a sex dream about it.” He gazes in reminiscence at the busty blonde on the cover.

Nesta snorts, but scoots closer to him eagerly. “Look inside.”

He flips it open to find dark scribbles along the margins, in every single margin.

“I annotated it,” Nesta says hesitantly. “With my thoughts and analysis on each scene. It’s probably dumb to critically analyze a ninetie’s erotica novel, but I thought you’d find it funny.”

Cassian is flipping through the pages more slowly now, taking his time to read each one. “I don’t think it’s funny,” he says after a moment, his eyes still on the book. “I think it’s more than anything I could have asked for.”

“Well, that’s a bit dramatic for a romance book—”

“Not the book.” He looks up at her with something in his eyes. “It’s all your thoughts.” He looks back at the book in wonder. “Written out for me in detail to keep.”

He starts to smirk, searching for a specific page. “I already know how you feel about the boat scene, but now I need to read about it.”

Nesta makes a noise of protest, grabbing for the book. “Don’t spoil the good parts yet.” She can hardly believe it. He finds her joke present good. “You always spoil the good parts first and get sad about it later.”

He makes a face. “True.” He lowers the book, growing serious. “Nesta.” He clears his throat, and her heart starts pounding. She can hear the words before he says them—

“You’re a really good gift giver.”

Nesta’s breath shudders out of her, in relief or disappointment she doesn’t know. Cassian is still staring at her in amazement, and she can only respond by throwing herself at him, her arms holding him tight.

He doesn’t falter under her weight, but pulls her closer. “Thank you,” he says into her ear.

She pulls back far enough to see him. His beautiful face is outlined with too many emotions for her to read, yet somehow she knows exactly what he’s feeling.

Overwhelmed, she leans in to place a soft kiss above his upper lip, then on his mouth. “Merry Christmas,” she whispers against his lips.

“Merry Christmas, Nesta.”

***

please tell me if you wanna be removed from the taglist so i can make space for other readers!

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[hard-times-paramore]

Lúcifer for the ask game

Favorite thing about them: He's a dumbass who's like, only now learning that feelings are real and how to deal with them, and it's so endearing to watch, I care him sm.

Least favorite thing about them: He's not a pro with said feelings, but whenever someone tries to give him advice he interpretes it in the wrongest way possible and refuses to get it out of his head. It causes so much exasperation sometimes.

But both these things are the focus of the show - it's all about the characters' feelings and their dynamics and relationships with each other. And I absolutely adore media that explores emotions, I eat it up, the good and the bad. I think because I'm an overflowing bucket of emotions myself.

Favorite line: all the different funny ways he says "D e tE c T I vE" like if you agree

brOTP: Lucifer is a magnetic personality that makes fast friends with anyone, but Ella Lopez. The fact he loves listening to her infodumping because she reminds him of his favorite sister back in heaven. It's so cute and I'm soft.

OTP: Chloe Decker THEIR SLOWBURN WILL BE THE DEATH OF ME

nOTP: I don't know, really, I haven't found any ships particularly outrageous in the fandom. Which is more than I can say for my last ask.

Random headcanon: he's got ADHD and NPD. Linda waved off diagnosing him with any kind of mental illnesses when she found out he's Actually Thee Devil - on the idea that he doesn't apply to human rules - but it's been emphasized how much angels and humans aren't that different, and I definitely think Lucifer is neurodivergent.

And I think it's nice how accepting of it everyone around him already is. For those who don't know he's really the Devil, he probabbly sounds delusional, but all his friends were respecting and cool with it, and worked alongside him despite that. It's really nice!! This show is so good!!!!

Unpopular opinion: people said he's one of those characters who are only cool on a tv show, but if he existed IRL everyone would hate him. I doubt the fuck out of that. People would actually like him more, like, he'd be more tolerable than what he's like on the show, not less. Unfortunately, that just makes me bummed bc now I wanna be friends with this non-existent guy.

Song I associate with them: This Is Gospel (piano version) by Panic! at the Disco

This is gospel for the vagabonds

Ne'er-do-wells and insufferable bastards

Confessing their apostasies

Led away by imperfect impostors

I can imagine him playing it on his piano, in the penthouse, on those days when he's feeling Emo and Conflicted.

Favorite picture of them:

His little meowmeow puppy eyes. I wanna Hug.

[realllllfangirllllll]

Beyond Lovers || Chp. 32

{More Than Friends Sequel}

Chairman!Jaehyun AU x CEO!Reader AU

Summary: You find yourself falling deeper and deeper in love with the former CEO after overcoming your fear of love. Although there were rough patches, both of you are now stronger than ever. However, you realize that maintaining a relationship and a company at the same time can be very difficult, especially if someone is out to destroy the both of you.

Masterlist

{Previous / Next }

“Bet. He’s going to beat Jaehyun up again.”

Mark rolled his eyes at Ten who spoke with certainty in the backseat of Winwin’s car as they waited for Xiaojun’s arrival at the parking lot of the airport. He turned next to him and countered, “Please. You knew him for longer than I did and you still think he’s just a violent lunatic?”

There was a pause, Ten stared at him blankly and then replied, “Yeah.”

Mark chuckled in disbelief and the two continued to argue as they placed bets on Xiaojun’s behavior upon his arrival. Behind the wheel, Winwin tried his best to ignore the two manchildren and shut his eyes for some rest before he had to start the long drive back. That was until Ten violently tapped his shoulders and begged him to take a stance. He let out a frustrated huff and turned behind his seat, “Can the both of you stop betting on every little thing already?” He continued, this time in a slightly less irritated tone, “And Mark’s right.” Ten looked back at him in a betrayed expression before Winwin clarified, “As psychotic as he may seem, he doesn’t always do things without his reasons.”

Ten’s sarcastic laughter broke out in the back seat and Winwin rolled his eyes. “Remember Jack? We can’t shame Xiaojun for being the protective brother he is when we preached him for protecting y/n from people like that douche.”

Mark and Ten nodded in unison as they came to realization and Winwin continued to justify, “It’s true that we know Jaehyun is a good man who will never hurt y/n like that but then again, Xiaojun wasn’t around here to see how Jaehyun cared for her or how he always placed his friends’ needs over his.” 

A moving shadow in Ten’s peripheral vision caught his attention as his eyes widen. He turned back to his two friends and whisper-shouted, “Oh my god, everybody shut up. Speaking of the devil, he’s here.”

He tried his best to act casual as the figure moved closer to their car with a heavy luggage cart. Mark and Winwin shook their heads at Ten who acted anything but normal, sprawled across the backseat as if he was asleep. The two left their odd friend to play pretend as they casually greeted Xiaojun and helped load his large luggage into the trunk. 

Mark grunted as he tried his best to pick up the last suitcase and forcefully shoved it into the small, empty space left in the formerly spacious trunk. “Shit man, since when did you have this much stuff with you? Don’t you usually just carry a backpack and a guitar case?”

Xiaojun chuckled at the struggling man as Winwin slung an arm around Xiaojun’s shoulders and walked him to the passenger seat. When everyone settled back into the car, he let out a relieved sigh. “It’s nice to see everyone in one place.” He turned to Ten and raised his eyebrow, “Since when did you want to come back to Korea? I thought you hated it here.”

Ten suddenly jolted out of his sleeping position, as if the three men didn’t already know he was faking a nap, and responded immediately in a victimized tone. “Since your little sis needed help. I mean I do hate it here and LA is so much better,” he emphasized the last words as he continued with his hands dramatically placed on his heart, “But who am I to ignore a friend in help when I know I’m more than capable of laying success wherever I go?”

Xiaojun rolled his eyes and then proceeded to talk to Winwin as he started the car. “So Winwin why’d you come back to Korea?”

Mark’s laughter shook the moving vehicle as Ten dramatically complained about being ignored and Winwin replied amusingly, “Well I’m not as self-centered as the boy in the backseat, but I did come here to help y/n as well. The company was short on models and any employees for that matter, so we, along with Soojin, took the earliest flight back to the place that kickstarted our career.”

The car stopped at a red light and he turned to Xiaojun with sincere eyes, “After all, without y/n, the three of us would have never made it big in the SoCal modeling industry.” 

Xiaojun shared a knowing smile, “Baby sis did always have a gift at capturing and marketing models. Even back when she was just a freelance photographer.”

Before Mark and Ten could throw a warning glare at Winwin, he proceeded to ask Xiaojun with a hesitant caution, “You know bro, Jaehyun’s company really helped y/n flourish. Not only as a photographer, but an entrepreneur.”

Xiaojun gave an indifferent expression and Winwin continued to speak with his eyes on the road as the light turned green, “Y/n told me how the SM internship gave her an eye-opening experience into the photography world and even right now, as a CEO of a fashion and modeling company. There were some bumps in the road, but she never once regret meeting Jaehyun and finding such a great opportunity for her future.”

Xiaojun didn’t respond to his praises of her efforts. Instead, he quickly changed the subject as he scanned the roads in front of him. “Let’s stop by y/n’s place first. I ought to tell her I’m here.”

Winwin silently obeyed as they continued down the road with a “calm before the storm” tension that filled the car. He pulled up to the street of luxurious penthouses and parked at a vacant spot in the underground parking lot. The moment his car’s engine died down, Xiaojun quickly got off the passenger seat and into the elevator lobby. The two men followed behind cautiously while Mark subtly sneaked in a text to y/n to give a heads up that the big, bad wolf would be coming up.

~~~

“I’m moving in with you two.”

You, Mark, and Winwin stared in shock at Xiaojun’s sudden notice. Ten chocked on his glass of water in the kitchen while Jaehyun sat beside you on the couch with an unreadable expression. He sat with his hands intertwined underneath his chin to prop it up as if he was planning the move in already. You tilted your face towards him and slightly nudged his arm. “You’re not really thinking about letting my brother stay here are you?” You whispered at your boyfriend through gritted teeth.

Jaehyun calmly replied to Xiaojun with a serious tone, “I’ll be more than happen to let you stay here.” He then turned towards you and asked, “You’re fine with that right baby?” You stared at your boyfriend dumbfounded and gave up. “I mean, even if I say no,” you turned to your brother with an annoyed expression, “it doesn’t seem like he will listen to me.”

Xiaojun stared back at you with a smirk and clapped his hands together, “Great! I’m heading down to bring my luggage.” Ten, Mark, and Winwin all got up, ready to help him before he stopped them with a smile. “You boys already drove me all the way here. Just relax. I’ll take Jaehyun with me.”

You rolled your eyes at your brother who acted as if everyone was at his beck and call. To your surprise, Jaehyun did not hesitate to get up immediately. He gave you a reassuring smile and headed out the door with Xiaojun.

You sighed, exhausted, as the three boys plopped beside you on the large couch. You zoned out as they bickered about the odd happenings of the past hour and started making weird bets.

~~~

“Any more suitcases?”

Xiaojun shook his head and slammed the trunk closed. He narrowed his eyes at Jaehyun as he swung the guitar case over his shoulders. Xiaojun immediately grabbed the case from him and warned, “Be careful. This instrument shouldn’t be flung carelessly like that.”

Jaehyun apologized immediately, “Sorry, I’ve actually never moved luggage before. But there was that one time I helped y/n carry her photography equipment.” He shook his head and chuckled at the memory, “But she scolded me even harsher than you for not being careful with the cameras.”

Xiaojun unconsciously laughed at the image, “That sounds like my baby sis alright.”

He then quickly wiped the smile off his face and replaced it with a serious expression. He stepped closer to Jaehyun with a dark expression, “Jaehyun. Listen very carefully to what I’m about to say.” Jaehyun nodded out of instinct as his body stiffened unconsciously. “You are one very lucky man to have all of y/n’s heart. And even after all the shit you have caused, I’m willing to go easy on you since you’ve took time to fly me back here and let me move in.” Xiaojun raised his pointer finger at Jaehyun and harshly reminded him, “But you’ve broken the only promise I require of you and you better show me you can amend it.”

As if it was even possible, Jaehyun stiffened his posture even more and quickly accepted his commands. Xiaojun fixed the guitar case behind his back and proceed to walk forward to the lobby. Once they got on the elevator, he informed Jaehyun in a firm tone, “From this moment onward, I better see how much you are willing to sacrifice for my sister.”

———

[daffodilsssss]

The Last Thing I Do

Summary:  Yeri loves Joy, Lucas loves being loved and Mark loves his life just the way it is right now.

But nothing can ever stay the same forever. So if you had to choose, would you rather risk everything you thought you needed, to try all the things you never thought you would be able to do? Would you try to do something you never thought was possible?

A/N: Hey so this is my first fancfiction. Cross posted on AO3 (this is my backup basically). Trying to post weekly but don’t hold me to it. 

AO3

Chapter index:

Chapter 1

Summer in New York is different. It’s just different from anywhere else on Earth.  

I mean, that’s a bit of an obvious observation. Literally no two places are exactly the same, and New York is definitely one of the most unique places in the world no matter the weather. But there is a certain beauty in the oppressive humidity summer brings. The world becomes weightier, people move slower, time seems to congeal, and moments last much longer than they should. Summer is the season of innocence, of childhood, of beach parties and bonfires. The heat feels live a warm hug from a parent, or an arm thrown over your mid-section as you lie, now awake in bed.

Yeri stares at the slanting light filtering in through the blinds as Joy softly snores beside her ear. These were the moments she wished could go on forever. Just her and Joy, blissfully co-existing. No responsibilities, no past, no future, just the perfect now.

She could hear shuffling and chatter in the hallway now. Laughter and more footsteps in the kitchen before the switch of the radio being turned on and some overplayed Top 40’s hit instantaneously blasting through the apartment.

“Who’s gonna wake them up today?” she heard Seulgi sigh as her spoon clinked against her cereal bowl. Light but trudging footsteps approached the door before a loud knock reverberated off the hardwood.

“Hey, Squirtle, Bigfoot. Get up already!” Wendy shouted through the door.  

Joy’s breathing stilled, before she rolled over on her back groaning. “We’re coming!” She replied. Yeri turned over onto her other side to face her now.

“God, I hate that song.” Joy said, bringing her hands to rub her face as she gradually regained consciousness.  

“Good morning to you too, I guess.”  Yeri lightheartedly snorted.  

“Good morning,” Joy placed a kiss to her cheek. “Sleep well?”

“I always sleep well when I’m with you,” Yeri stood up from the bed. “We should seriously get up now though.” Joy groaned and rolled over onto her side as Yeri opened the blinds fully now, peering down onto the miniature-sized people visible from their penthouse view. “Fine, I’m getting up. You get breakfast I'll be out in a minute.”  Yeri smiled again as she walked into the hallway.

Irene was standing by the coffeemaker scrolling through her phone and Seulgi seemed completely absorbed in her breakfast sitting on the island.  

“Good morning, hags.”

“Good morning problem child.” Irene called back, not looking up from her phone.

“Wendy’s in the shower and me and Irene are next.” Seulgi said through mouthfuls of overpriced Whole-Foods granola.  

“Cool. What’s with the cereal I thought you were starting a diet today?”

“When’s the last time you met a person that got fat off eating muesli?”

“Granola.”

“Muesli, there’s a difference.”

“Granola, and no there’s not.”

“There is, muesli is healthier for you.” Seulgi said through another spoonful of mushy grains.

“Oh! Ok so one is pretentious and one isn’t.”

“Guys, it’s way too early to put whiskey in my coffee right now so could you both do me a solid and shut the hell up for 20 minutes?” Irene said finally looking up from her phone.  

Yeri sat down at the island, grabbing a bowl and Seulgi’s box of cereal. A new song began playing through the room as the door to the bathroom squeaked open and Seulgi scarfed the last of her food before rushing to take her place.  

“Hey,” Wendy said walking through the kitchen still drying her hair. “what’s on the agenda today?”

“Nothing much,” Irene took a sip from her coffee as she leaned over the counter. “Taeyong needs people for a job on Friday but other than that there doesn’t seem to be anything else going on.”  

“Ooh, intriguing,” Wendy half-spoke into the fridge, pulling out a carton of orange juice. “who’s going?”

“Looks like it’s all hands on deck,” Irene hummed, opening the message in question. “Just us and 127.” She explained. “Oh, except for baby.”

Yeri let out some mixture between a groan and a sigh. “Seriously? Why do they keep treating me like a child? I’m 21.  I’m older than Haechan for Christ’s sake.”

“Calm down Sappho,” Wendy deadpanned. “No one treats you like a baby, you’re a hacker. There’s no reason for you to go on these missions.”  

“Who the hell is Sappho?” Yeri raised her eyebrow towards the blonde.  

“She was this famous lesbian poet in Ancient Greece, didn’t you learn about her in school?”

“Well Wendy I don’t know how to break this to you,”  Yeri’s voice dripped with sarcasm. “but I’m actually a high school drop-out.”

Wendy simply shrugged, popping a slice of bread in the toaster. “Fair enough. I could’ve sworn I learned about her in sophomore year though.”

“Aw, looks like your mind’s starting to go grandma.” A high-pitched melodic voice rang out through the hall.

“Oh my God! She’s returned from the grave!” Wendy raised her arms in mock horror as Joy stepped into the room. A now accustomed warmth began forming in Yeri’s stomach as she glanced at the still disheveled Joy, unconsciously tugging her lips upwards at the sight. There were a lot of things that were weird about Yeri and Joy’s relationship, too many to discuss in a single sitting with any therapist. But sometimes it would hit Yeri, at the most random of moments, just how much she really loved her. Like this morning, her long and usually sleek black hair was currently pointing at different angles, and her cheeks were still red and swollen from sleep. But still, Joy made butterflies form in Yeri’s stomach like it was there first-time meeting. (Well, actually maybe not their first-time meeting specifically. As that moment had been tinged with fear and self-hatred. But certainly like butterflies that form in that new, perfect glow of a budding relationship.)

Yeri had never really been in love until she met Joy, but she was almost certain she could never love anyone more than she loved her. Statistically speaking, only a fraction of a fraction of high-school sweethearts stay together in the long run, but that had never fazed her. Statistically speaking, only a fraction of a fraction of all people are involved with an international Korean organized crime syndicate, and yet here they were. Joy was Yeri’s reason to get up in the morning, her reason to go to sleep at night. Of course, she loved the rest of the girls, they were closer and more caring to her than her parents had ever been. But Joy was the real sun Yeri’s Earth revolved around.

“Kinda hard to sleep after your delightful wake-up call Seungwan.” Joy said reaching for a glass and the near-empty carton of juice.

“Oh? Would you rather we removed the door to your room altogether?” Wendy chuckled.  

“Ah yes, I'm sure you’d love that Wendy,” Joy’s voice turning low and seductive. “But you don’t have to try that hard, if you wanted to watch us then you could’ve just asked.”  

“Straight girl seduced by sexy lesbians,” Yeri laughed. “sounds like the title of a PornHub video!”  

“One day!” Irene suddenly interrupted. “All I ask for is one day without anyone talking about their sex lives while we’re eating! Why is that so hard to ask?”  

Seulgi existed the bathroom in a cloud of steam. Irene leaving the trio in the kitchen in their own again.  

“Look, just start getting dressed already. We’re leaving in an hour.”

Denial is funny. Honestly, it’s probably one of, if not the most ironic emotion.  

Because on some subconscious level you know that you’re lying to yourself. And because you know what you’re doing is wrong, your actions change. You tell yourself over and over everything is fine, thinking you can ignore your problems out of existence. Driving past the exit signs you see because you don’t really believe in that upcoming cliff. And at the same time, you doubt your whole reality. “Is this real or am I overreacting?”, “Are they ignoring me or are they just not in the mood for talking?”, “Are we becoming closer or are we actually drifting apart?”.

Sometimes, in a relationship, people begin to grow apart. This can be one person’s fault, maybe both, maybe neither. Maybe the place you were, whether it was physical or mental, just doesn’t exist anymore. And you just can’t make your relationship work anymore. It’s fundamentally broken.

The drive to SM’s New York building had been uncomfortably quiet again. Joy’s hands were locked in a vice grip on the steering wheel. Her face in an impassive, disinterested glare at the road. The silence in the car weighed heavily on Yeri’s shoulders. It had been like this between the two of them for a while now. When they were both alone and awake, they didn’t speak as often. Overbearing, it didn’t let her relax. The uncomfortable tension between the two of them was suffocating, like smog. Conversation never really broke it, sex didn’t either. But it was one of the only ways she felt she could really make Joy happy these days. Her naturally vibrant and humorous personality seemed to disappear when it was just the two of them. One minute she would be laughing and friendly and only a few minutes later she would be terse, everything Yeri did seeming to annoy her in tiny but apparent ways.  

Yeri knew that the better option here was to confront Joy about these issues. But she couldn’t work up the nerve to ask her. Acknowledging their problems, shattering the illusion that everything was ok had never worked out in the past. When Joy would hide the messages on her phone from Yeri, promising to her that she had only slept with someone for work purposes. Telling Yeri she was the most important person in the world, only to ignore her for days afterwards. Saying she was beautiful only to criticise every aspect of her appearance in excruciating detail. Sure, Joy had faults. But that didn’t mean she was a bad person. Yeri knew the real Joy, behind the constantly happy facade. The one whose parents always told her she was a disappointment, who escaped a conversion camp in her teens, who took a scared, friendless girl under her wing and gave her a new life.

Yeri was a tumor slowly killing Joy’s spirit. It was painful to think about, but it was the truth. Yeri was never good enough for Joy, and she knew this. To bring their problems to the forefront risked Joy coming to the realization that she didn’t want Yeri. And that would, as far as Yeri was concerned, be a fate worse than death.  

So here they were again, outside the glass walls to the lobby of their grey-bricked office. The building stood so tall that looking up from Yeri’s eye level the building seemed to stretch directly into the sky.

“Bye,” Yeri hesitated. “Love you!” she called out again as Joy continued on unfazed to her section inside the building. Getting on an elevator several floors up Yeri moved through the same set of hallways to her desk in the I.T department. Logging into her computer, about the take another look at the schematics of a new bomb 127 were planning on using to break open a safe, when a fluffy mop of dark hair suddenly came into her eyeline.  

“Morning Yeri,” Jungwoo said. “Taeyong said he needs to see you.”

Yeri paused for a moment in confusion. “Taeyong? Like right now?” It was barely 8 o’clock, work had just started.

“Apparently,” Jungwoo said, taking a seat across from her in his cubicle. “He said it was urgent.”

Yeri stood up and began walking towards Taeyong’s office. Taeyong was the leader of NCT’s 127 unit and was the only member with a private room. Taeyong himself, despite his job position, was without doubt one of the least threatening people in the world. But past experience had proved that Taeyong never asked for a private audience to deliver good news.

Yeri’s stomach began to twist in knots as the knocked on the door to Taeyong’s office. Pushing the door open when she heard a faint “Come in.”

Taeyong was sat in his chair, posture ramrod straight and hands folded diplomatically in front of him. There were two chairs facing him, the one on the right already pre-occupied by a tall head of slick-backed hair.  

“Good morning Yerim, please take a seat.” Taeyong said through tight lips. Now that she was sitting next to him Yeri could remember meeting this other man before. He was gigantic, maybe several years older than her but still had a boyish face, brown hair combed back with gel and dressed in a well-fitted suit. He must take pride in his appearance.

“You two have met each other before? I assume.” Taeyong said. “Yeri this is Wong Yukei, alias Lucas. He’s in the China-based unit of NCT, WayV.”

“Nice to meet you.” Lucas said extending his hand for Yeri which she shook.

“And Lucas this is Kim Yerim, alias Yeri. She’s a member of SM’s ‘Red Velvet’ Specialised Foces team.”

Lucas’s eyes seemed to light up in acknowledgment of Yeri’s position. “Wait, you’re a member of Red Velvet? I thought there was only 4 members! How old are you?” Clearly his looks were well-suited to his childish personality if interrupting Taeyong was anything to go off. Though the low baritone of his voice was completely mismatched to the whimsical cadence at which he spoke.

“I’m 21 and I’ve been a member since 2015, I work mostly in the hacking and mechanics field, so I don’t go on missions often.” Yeri said.

“Actually, I’ve called you both here today to discuss your positions in your respective groups.” Taeyong said, clearing his throat. “I’ve been informed by my superiors that you’ve both been chosen to move up from your current stations into more, permanent features of your units.”  

Yeri’s breath stilled in her chest, eyes widening in shock and elation, a quick glance at Lucas showed a reflection of her own emotions on his face too.  For years, Yeri’s future in SM had remained uncertain. It took a long time to build up trust within an organized crime company, even with a friend on the inside. And while Yeri was by all means satisfied with her current job with the I.T crew she knew that she was just a cog in the machine. Easily disposable if she ever got too loose-lipped. ‘Permanent’ in SM meant you were acknowledged for your skill and importance. You could always rely on your fellow co-workers to have your back if things ever went to shit. It was a policy better than any 401k and it was never guaranteed and it was fucking hard to get and it was right in front of her right now.

“Of course, this move is conditional,” Taeyong said. “You’ve both been trained in firearm use, and Lucas your accuracy as an assassin is greatly admired by your superiors.” Taeyong paused briefly looking at them both before sucking in a deep breath.

“So, you have both been tasked with assassinating Mark Lee.”  

There was a beat of silence in the room. Taeyong’s lips were set in an emotionless, straight line. The shock didn’t resonate in Yeri’s mind. Nothing did. Her head felt empty, she didn’t even look t Lucas to gauge his reaction. All she could do was stare into Taeyong’s deep brown eyes. Searching for any emotional reaction from him.

“Unfortunately the task is not optional.” Taeyong said. “Mark has been told to meet you both in a private location at 7pm tomorrow. You will both be given a handgun and a bulletproof vest, as is standard. You will use these to kill him. Once he is dead you will each have to cut off one of his fingers so we can verify his identity. After this, Yeri,” Taeyong looked at her directly. “you will activate a bomb which is to be detonated several minutes later. If all goes according to plan the bomb should destroy all evidence of the assassination. You are to return to headquarters immediately, with the fingers, and then you can officially be welcomed into your permanent position as a member of SM. Are there any queations?” his voice was neither malicious nor regretful. He sounded composed, business-like. Not at all like he had just given a detailed account of how his two co-workers were going to murder a member of his own unit.

“Why are we both being asked to kill him?” Lucas said. “Assassinations are nearly always safer with just one person.” Yeri looked at him now, his eyebrows were knit together in what seemed like confusion. This oddly enough did relax her slightly; this abrupt assassination didn’t appear to be desirable to him either.

“Well firstly, you’ve both proven yourselves to be totally loyal to SM in the past,” Taeyong said. “but the main reason you’ve both been asked to ‘take care’ of this person in particular, is because you both have an emotional attachment to this person.” He stood up from his desk, circling his juniors in a slow pace. Keeping as much eye contact as possible with them. Taeyong had never intimidated Yeri in the past. He had only ever been kind and friendly to her, even in the workplace. Even at work, he always looked after her like an older brother. And despite their current circumstances she could still feel a calming aura radiating out of him.

“The reason permanent positions are so scarce is that the opportunity to become one doesn’t present itself often. Both of you trained together with Mark Lee,” Yeri winced at the mention of Mark’s name. “and it has been decided that he has become too much of a liability to keep anymore.” Taeyong sat back down in his seat before opening a drawer and pulling out two brown envelopes and placing them in front of Yeri and Lucas.

“Those are your instructions, memorize them.” Taeyong looked at them both again.

“I want to be clear with you two,” He said. “There is no option to refuse this assignment.” Yeri glanced at Lucas again, for the first time he was looking at her as well. “You’ve worked hard to get where you are now, this is the ultimate test of your loyalty to your fellow members. But I have faith you will both come out the other side.” Yeri’s throat went dry, a painful throbbing stated pulsing from her temples.  

“So, do you both agree to it?” Taeyong said.  

Kill Mark Lee or die? Mark Lee or you. Yeri had 1 second to choose the most important decision of her life.

“Yes.” Lucas replied, releasing a soft breath of air. Mark Lee or die? Mark Lee or die? The question began repeating in Yeri’s mind incessantly. She realized they were both watching her now. She had to decide.

“Yes.”

[fangzeronos]

A Luthor and A Super Ch. 10

Ch.1/Ch.2/Ch.3/Ch.4/Ch.5/Ch.6/Ch.7/Ch.8/Ch.9

Kara sighed as she stirred slowly the next morning, hearing a pounding on the front door of the penthouse. She grumbled and got up, grabbing one of Lena’s shirts and pulling it on before hopping in a pair of shorts and x-raying the door. “Alex?” she mumbled, making her way out and opening the door. “Alex? What are you doing here?”

 “Tracking your ass down,” Alex said, brushing past her sister. “Where were you last night? After you left the DEO?”

 “I was here,” Kara said. “I left the DEO and I went to LCorp to surprise Lena. Eve came in and we went to the lab where Lena told me about some experiments she’d been doing because a heart she’d been testing Harun-El on was stolen by Manchester. We opened the vault and I got hit with Kryptonite, and we found out it was Lex’s. We left there and I was here the rest of the night. Lena’s naked and asleep if you want me to wake her up so you can hear it from her.”

 Alex’s face blanched and she narrowed her eyes. “No. It was bad enough when you broke her fingers during—ugh. The reason I’m asking is because the President is dead. Oval Office CCTV showed Supergirl roasting him with Heat Vision. Colonel Haley was there as well, and she’s dead too. Several other members of Government were injured.”

 Kara’s eyes got wide. “Alex, I swear that wasn’t me!” she said, stumbling back and sitting down at the bar beside the kitchen. “I was here with Lena all night. I swear to Rao that wasn’t me!” Her hands clenched as she looked down, fighting back tears.

 Alex wrapped her arms around Kara, kissing her head softly. “I know it wasn’t you, honey. I had to ask anyway. I’ve got some big Government people breathing down my neck for answers,” she said.

 Kara nodded softly, looking over and seeing Lena walking out of the bedroom, a robe covering her up with just the quickest flash of purple lace panties, a fact that made Kara lick her lips softly. “Hi, babe,” she said.

 “Mm…morning,” Lena yawned, walking over and wrapping her arm around Kara’s shoulders, kissing her cheek. “Woke up and you weren’t there.”

 “Sorry, Lena. That’s my fault,” Alex said, explaining about what happened to the White House. “Basically everything’s gone to hell.”

 “I would bet that Lex has something to do with this,” Lena said. “He has to. He hates anything and anyone Kryptonian.” She sighed and moved around the bar, setting a tea kettle on the stove. “Alex, we’ve got something we have to do this morning, but we’ll come by the DEO when we’re done, get this sorted out.”

 Alex nodded, sighing softly. “Alright.” She kissed Kara’s cheek, reaching over and squeezing Lena’s hand. “I’ll see you soon.” She walked out and shut the door, sighing softly and shaking her head. “This isn’t going to be good…”

 Kara sighed, shaking her head as she got up. “First Lex is loose, Manchester steals the Harun-El heart, and then Lockwood and James, and now this bullshit. What the fuck is going on?!”

 Lena walked over, wrapping her arms around Kara’s waist and hugging her tightly. “Hey. Don’t stress. We’re going to fix all of this, and we’ll do it together. Alright? It’s what we do, baby. We’ll start with Lex’s Kryptonite, and we’ll go from there. When this is all over, we’ll celebrate and have fun until the next crisis.”

 Kara nodded, leaning back against Lena and sighing softly. “Yeah. Which, for us, might just be next week,” she said. “I’m going to get dressed and I’ll go get Cisco.” She turned and kissed Lena’s cheek softly, walking off to the bedroom again and sighing as she rubbed her arms softly, more out of nerves then cold. She dressed in her usual cardigan and skirt, making her way back out. “I’ll meet you at the Lab, Lee.”

 Lena set her tea down and walked over, putting her hands against Kara’s cheeks before leaning in and kissing her girlfriend. “I love you so much. Please don’t let this bother you,” she whispered.

 Kissing Lena in return, the blonde nodded softly. “Easier said then done, but I’ll try.” She smiled a bit, turning her head and kissing Lena’s palm before she grabbed her bag and walked out of the apartment. She hit the elevator and walked out of the building before she headed into the alley and hit the breach device.

 The second breach opened in S.T.A.R. Labs on Earth-1, and Kara looked around, biting her lip softly. “Hello? Cisco? Caitlin? Barry?” she called, starting to walk around. “Hello!! Anyone here?” She turned a corner and yelped as she came face to face with Caitlin Snow, the bio-engineer screaming at the same time. “Caitlin!”

 “Kara!” Caitlin said, putting her hand on her chest and sighing. “What are you doing here?! You scared the hell out of me!”

 “Sorry!” Kara said with a smile, hugging Caitlin. “I’m looking for Cisco. Where’s he at?” As she asked her question, the man in question walked up behind Caitlin, grinning as he saw Kara. “Cisco!”

 “Hey, girl,” Cisco said with a grin. “What do you need? Is something wrong? Someone trying to rewrite reality again or is it Dominators?”

 Kara smiled and shook her head. “No, nothing that dangerous. I…need your help. My girlfriend, Lena Luthor, her brother just got out of jail and stashed a lot of Kryptonite in LCorp, and we need to get rid of it. Could you--?”

 “I can gather it and breach it to a dead world,” Cisco said. “Or I can breach it right there in the lab.” He smiled and led Kara and Caitlin deeper into the Lab, grabbing his gauntlets and glasses. “I’m ready whenever you are.” He turned to Caitlin. “Do me a favor. If Barry asks where I am, tell him and that I’ll be back to help with Nora soon.”

 “Got it,” Caitlin said with a smile and a nod.

 “Who’s Nora?” Kara asked.

 “Remember the water girl from Barry and Iris’ wedding? The one that was like…the Energizer Bunny on Red Bull and a sugar high?” Caitlin asked. “That’s Nora West-Allen. Barry and Iris’ daughter from the future.”

 “Wicked!”

 “No, not really,” Cisco said. “She’s…kind of gone bad after we found out she was working with Eobard Thawne.”

 “That asshole Reverse Flash?!” Kara asked with wide eyes.

 “Yep,” Cisco said, tossing his hand out and opening the breach. “Fill you in later. I’ll be back quick, Cait.”

 “Got it,” Caitlin said with a smile, watching Cisco and Kara step through the breach back to Earth-38.

 The next day, after saying goodbye to Cisco and giving Lena a tour of Earth-1, Kara stood with Lena outside of LCorp, James Olsen in front of them in full Guardian gear with a dozen Children of Liberty members behind him. Kara folded her arms, narrowing her eyes while Lena clenched her hands around the straps of her bag, fully intending on beating the hell out of her ex-boyfriend if she had to.

 “Two minutes, James. Talk fast,” Lena growled. “Why did you out Kara to the entire world on live television?”

 James scoffed, rolling his eyes. “I don’t answer to you, Luthor. Not anymore. But, since you’re being so demanding, just like you always are, it’s because of jealousy. You two got so disgustingly close after she told you the truth and you got drunk and sent bullshit texts and voicemails, and I couldn’t stand it. If I couldn’t have you, I’d take away what was important.”

 Lena dropped her bag and lashed out, slamming her fist into James’ face, making him stumble back before she clawed at him, scratching his cheek and neck. “You son of a bitch!” she snarled, trying to lunge for him again only to be stopped by Kara holding her back. “Let go of me, Kara! I’m going to rip his throat out with my teeth! He’ll gargle in his own blood as he dies! Fucking let me go!”

 “No!” Kara snapped, holding Lena back. “As much as you want to break his head open, you can’t. You’ve proven to be better then this, Lena. He’ll get his soon enough when the Children of Liberty are finished. Lockwood can’t hold power forever.”

 James laughed, rubbing his cheek and wiping the blood away. “That’s where you’re wrong. He’ll have all the power he needs and it’s thanks to your friend Manchester.” He turned and started walking away, stopping when Superman landed in front of him, separating him from the other Children of Liberty. “Oh, hell.”

“James,” Clark said as he folded his arms. “You’re coming with me. We’re going to have a long talk, and it’s best if your “friends” behind me just drop their weapons and walk away. If they don’t, all thirteen of you are going to jail.” He cocked an eyebrow and smiled. “What’s it going to be, James?”

 “Put them down. Weapons, masks, shields. Go home,” James said, looking at the men. As they walked away, James narrowed his eyes. “You won’t get away with stopping me, Clark. Lockwood’s got more then just fanatics on his side.”

 “I don’t care about Lockwood. I care about my friend betraying someone that he should have been protecting,” Clark said, grabbing James’ arm. “We’re going to have a long discussion about this, James. You won’t like how it ends.” He lifted up and looked at Kara. “I’ll deal with him. You stop Lex, Manchester, and Lockwood.”

 Kara nodded, still refusing to let go of a struggling Lena. “You got it. They’ll be stopped today and hopefully that’s the end of it.” She watched Clark take off with James, and she looked at Lena. “You gonna stop fighting?”

 Lena huffed, going limp in Kara’s arms as she got set back on the ground. “Damn you,” she said, glaring at Kara. “Why did you stop me?!”

 “Because it’s the right thing to do,” Kara said, frowning softly. “I’m sorry, Lena, but Clark taking him was the right thing. As much as we both wanted to rip his spine out.”

 “And beat him with it,” Lena growled, her hands clenched. She sighed and looked away, picking her bag up softly. “Find J’onn. Deal with Manchester. I’ll help Alex find Lockwood and Lex.” She walked off, getting in her car and taking off.

 “Lena,” Kara sighed, floating up and heading for J’onns office. She landed outside and smiled softly as she touched the plaque on the doorframe. Walking in, she looked around and bit her lip. “J’onn?”

 J’onn walked out from the back of the office, smiling softly. “Kara. What can I do for you?”

 “I need to know where Manchester is. I’m putting an end to this,” Kara said.

 J’onn got quiet, sitting down at his desk. “Sit.” When Kara did, he sighed softly and bit his lip. “Manchester’s dead. I confronted him at the dam a few nights ago and he tried to taunt me into killing him. Unfortunately, he was using the Staff of H'ronmeer, and when I got it back from him, he tried to attack me again. I…used the Staff and killed him. I’m sorry, Kara. I…” He sighed and put his head in his hands, looking down and feeling ashamed.

 Kara got up and put her hand on J’onn’s shoulder before she leaned in and hugged him tightly. “It’s alright, J’onn. You did what you had to,” she whispered. “Did…he say anything about having a heart that he took from LCorp?”

 J’onn sighed, trying to think. “He mentioned working on something big to give to Lex Luthor. Said “It’s the thing to beat Supergirl once and for all.” It could be what he was talking about. Why?”

 “Lena went to Alex to start looking for Lex and Lockwood, and I’ll need all the help I can get to stop them both today. If Lex has that heart, there’s no telling what he’d do with it,” Kara said. She looked over as J’onn’s phone went off, and she watched him pick up.

 “Text from Alex. She’s got eyes on Lex and Lockwood. They’re in the DEO,” J’onn said. “Demanding you show up and surrender.”

 “Let’s go,” Kara said, looking at J’onn. “You have to help me, J’onn. I can’t do this without you this time.” She stood back and bit her lip, hoping he’d help. She grinned when he stood up and shifted into his Martian Manhunter look. “Let’s go.” She took off and ran out of the office, leaping into the air and hearing J’onn behind her.

 Alex narrowed her eyes, gun in hand as she pointed it at Lex and Lockwood. “You two get the hell out of my Agency now. Otherwise you’re both under arrest.”

 “I’m sorry, Ms. Danvers. I’m afraid you don’t have the authority to arrest me,” Lex said with a smile. “Considering who I have with me. Miss Tessmacher!” He turned and smiled as Eve walked in with a surprising figure beside her.

 “Kara?” Alex asked, her eyes wide. “No, you’re not my sister. You just look like her.”

 “Funny how that happened,” Lex said. “You see, last year when she stopped Ms. Arias, the Harun-El split your sister into two distinct people. Kara Danvers, and my Red Daughter. She’s the one that killed the President, Ms. Danvers. So, you see, having my own Kryptonian to help discredit your sister has worked perfectly. There’s anti-Supergirl sentiment in Washington at the moment because of this.”

 Alex lowered her gun softly, looking at the Kryptonian in front of her. “Listen to me. Lex is using you to hurt people. You don’t have to do this. He’s manipulating you.”

 The Red Daughter just shook her head. “That is where you are wrong,” she said with a Russian accent. “Alex has proven to me that Americans are the problem. You are all what is wrong with the world.”

 “I’m Alex,” Alex said, stepping forward. “That’s Lex Luthor. He’s the bad guy.”

 “Listen to her, honey,” Lena said, walking out of the lab and looking at the gathered group. “He manipulated me my entire life, he’s orchestrated a hundred different events to get to this point, and when he’s done with you, he’ll throw you out like a piece of trash. He isn’t the man you think he is.”

 “Shut it, Luthor,” Lockwood said, turning and shooting Lena, dropping her to the ground. “Anyone that fucks an alien deserves the same thing the leeches get.”

 “Lena!” two Kara’s voices yelled at the same time.

 A gust of wind ripped through the DEO as Kara knelt beside Lena, helping her sit up softly. “Lena, are you alright?”

 “I’m fine,” Lena said with a smile. “Got the shoulder. Stop them.”

 Kara lifted Lena up, taking her back into the lab. “Stay here.” She walked back out, narrowing her eyes. “I figured the Harun-El would have had a side effect on me, but I didn’t think it’d be like this.” Her expression softened, and she folded her hands in front of her. “You don’t have to stand with Lex. He’ll only hurt you. You reacted the same way I do when something happens to Lena. That means something.”

 “Don’t let her manipulate you,” Lex said. “This is what you’ve trained for. Kill her and rid the world of her.” He turned to face the Red Daughter. “Do what I’m telling you! Now!”

 Shaking her head, the Red Daughter stepped away from Lex. “No. I will not hurt her. I…I do not want to hurt her.”

 Lex sighed, shaking his head softly as he pulled a gun out of his pocket. “A damn shame. She could have ripped this planet apart without a second thought.” He aimed and fired at the Red Daughter, a Kryptonite bullet entering her back and sending her toppling to the ground.

 Alex rushed over and put pressure on the wound, her hands shaking. “BRAINY!” she yelled.

 “NO!” Kara snapped, rushing Lex and ripping the gun out of his hand before throwing it away, pinning Lex to the wall and tightening her grip around his throat. “I could snap your neck in an instant!”

 “Then do it!” Lex laughed, holding his hands up. “Do it then, Danvers. Prove to everyone that you’re not as wholesome as they think you are!”

 Kara’s hand tightened around Lex’s throat, and she felt his pulse under her fingers, feeling how quick it was. Her eyes lit with her head vision and she growled low in her throat before she slammed Lex into the ground, letting go of his throat and stepping back. “I won’t kill you. As much as I goddamned want to, I won’t. I won’t become the murderer people think I am.” She backed off and walked over to Alex, kneeling beside her clone.

 Lex coughed and got up, seeing the Kryptonite gun. He grabbed it and pointed it at Kara before another shot rang out, looking down and seeing blood on his shirt. He hit his knees as the gun dropped from his hand, looking behind him at Lockwood. “Helping them, Lockwood?” he asked, coughing as he collapsed backward.

 “Yes,” Lockwood said, tossing his gun down before pulling his Agent Liberty mask off and letting it thunk on the floor of the DEO. “Seeing two Supergirls both care for one human, seeing the compassion in her eyes…I realize I was wrong.” He unstrapped the ballistics vest he wore, tossing it down before getting on his knees and putting his hands behind his head. “The Children of Liberty are done. Aliens are as much people as we are.”

 J’onn walked over and handcuffed Lockwood, pushing him over to another agent. “Lock him up.”

 Kara kept pressure against the wound softly, watching Alex dig out the Kryptonite bullet. She winced at the sight of the Kryptonite, feeling Alex clean the wound before starting to stitch it up. “You’re going to be ok. Alex is the best, and we’ll get you fixed up.”

 The Red Daughter nodded softly, wincing as she felt Alex stitching her back. “I am so sorry. I…I should have seen that Alex—no, Lex was the bad one. I am so sorry, Supergirl.”

 Kara smiled, moving her clone’s hair out of her face softly. “Call me Kara. We are twins after all. Do you have a name?”

 She shook her head. “I was always called “The thing” or “Girl”. Never gave me a name. I cannot be Kara Danvers.”

 Kara nodded softly, helping her sit up after Alex was done before helping her to her feet. “We’ll have time to work on that. Let Alex get you to the medical lab and I’ll be right there with Lena.” She hugged the Red Daughter, smiling softly. “You can be a hero in your own right. There’s times I can’t do it, so it’ll be good to have help.”

 Alex smiled softly, taking her sister’s clone deeper into the DEO to finish patching her up, both women starting to talk to each other.

 Lena walked out of the lab again, holding a stack of gauze to her shoulder before making her way to Kara. She took her girlfriend’s hand softly, kissing her knuckles. “Are you alright?”

 Kara nodded softly, squeezing Lena’s hand softly. “Yeah,” she said. “Lena, about earlier—”

 “Stop,” Lena said. “I’m sorry about that. I…I had no right to get angry at you. You stopped me before I did something I’d regret, and I got mad about it. It’s my fault and I’m sorry, baby.” She leaned up and kissed Kara’s cheek before her eyes landed on Lex. “Is he--?”

 Kara nodded softly. “Lockwood shot him in the back and surrendered,” Kara said. “He shot the Red Daughter when she wouldn’t kill me, and he tried to shoot me when I put him in the floor. Alex has her in medical. She doesn’t have a name, but it’s something she’ll figure out on her own.” She sighed softly, pressing her hands to her eyes. “Manchester’s dead. J’onn got to him. He said Lex had the Harun-El heart, but if Lex had it, he’d have used it on himself. I don’t…know where the heart is, honey.”

 Lena smiled softly. “Maybe that’s for the best. Harun-El was a bad experiment anyway.” She put her hand on Kara’s cheek, brushing her thumb over her skin softly. “Are you sure you’re alright?”

 “I don’t know,” Kara whispered, sitting down and sighing softly. “I’m tired. Kryptonite, Lex, Lockwood, James, the Harun-El clone of myself, Haley…I’m tired. I don’t think I want to Supergirl for a while. I…I think I need a break.”

 Lena nodded, sitting in Kara’s lap and kissing her cheek. “Then we’ll take a break. We’ll go on vacation. Anywhere you want to go.”

 Kara smiled softly and nodded, giving Lena a squeeze. “Right now, we need to go to the medical lab and get that shoulder taken care of. I will not have you bleed out in my lap, Luthor.”

 “Yes, Danvers,” Lena said with a grin. She got up and smiled when Kara took her hand, the pair walking down the hall where Alex was with the Red Daughter.

 “What do you think of “Karen” as a name, Alex?” she asked, biting her lip as she looked back at Alex.

 “Karen. Karen Danvers. Hm…I like it,” Alex said with a smile. “Suits you.”

 Kara walked in and smiled softly. “I love it. Kara, Karen, and Alex Danvers,” she said. “We’re the three biggest badasses.”

 “Excuse me? I’m here too, you ass,” Lena said, shoving Kara and sticking her tongue out.

 “Well…you’re not officially a Danvers yet, Lena,” Alex said, taping gauze down onto Karen’s wound and helping lower the shirt down. “What’s rule number one, Kara?”

 “Don’t screw with the Danvers sisters!” Kara laughed, causing Lena, Alex, and Karen to start laughing as well.

 Lena smiled softly, closing her eyes as she felt Kara working on her bullet wound. With her brother dead and the Children of Liberty hopefully never coming back, she knew that she and Kara could finally be happy and get on with their lives. If anyone had told her six months ago that she’d be sitting with her girlfriend and her clone after being told her best friend was Supergirl, she’d have thought they were crazy. For once, she was glad she wasn’t because she finally had the support and love she always wanted, and it was all thanks to Kara.

[daddyspumpkin86]

BDSM: An Ethnography

Disclaimer: As always, this blog is written from the point of view of a brat submissive. Please keep this in mind, and just bugger off if you feel the need to be negative about my experiences.

This is an ethnography I wrote for my Rhetorics of Pop Culture class a couple of semesters ago. The assignment was to write an ethnography about a counter culture - in which we were to demonstrate our understanding of the concepts we discussed during class (hence the citations.)

The Ultimate Surrender: Living the Lifestyle

In early 2014, the hype for the release of the Fifty Shades of Grey motion picture began. I had heard of the steamy book series written by E.L. James, but had never really had an interest in it until I saw the preview for the movie. I am still somewhat embarrassed to admit that I actually like the book series, mainly because critics affectionately dubbed it “Mommy Porn.” Surely, as an English major, I was above reading that sort of thing. I normally turned my nose up at authors like E.L. James, because I thought their writing gave women unrealistic expectations of what relationships were supposed to be like. Fifty Shades of Grey totally fits that mold. But, one fateful day, completely out of the blue, my curiosity got the better of me and I downloaded a bootlegged copy of the first book, Fifty Shades of Grey. I finished it in two hours and read the other two over the rest of Christmas Break because the story reminded me of my husband and me, and all we’ve gone through over the last twelve years. That week, the BDSM rabbit hole opened, and I gladly jumped in with both feet.

What is BDSM?

BDSM stands for Bondage & Discipline (BD), Domination & Submission (DS), and Sadism & Masochism (SM). The acronym, BDSM, helps those of us who live the Lifestyle bundle all of the possible avenues under one umbrella name so that we can teach others what it means. We call actively living this way living the Lifestyle instead of just saying, “oh hey, I practice BDSM,” because it helps us avoid having to endure the stigma that has been attached to our way of life by popular media, and others who oppose our subculture (Haenfler 2016). We also have our own set of rules, just like every subculture.

Titles & special names

When writing, most of us will capitalize words like: Lifestyle, Master, Mistress, Maitresse, Dom, Domme, Domina, Top, Daddy, Mommy, Sir, Ma’am, or whatever the title of the person who is the Dominant party in the relationship may be. The Dom/me or Top chooses their title depending on what kind of Dominant they want to be, or are, and there are many more titles than what I have listed here. Simple capitalization of a title while writing shows a sign of submission, and knowing one’s place in the BDSM Hierarchy. Submissives are called subs, bottoms, babygirl, babyboy, princess, little girl, little boy, little one, kitten, and many others that. Most have custom collars with their names on them, like the one pictured here.

Be Excellent to Each Other

We call non-kinky people vanilla because they don’t have any exotic flavors in the ice cream that is their life. When we have playtime some of us call it play and some of us call it scening. Just depends on what generation of the lifestyle you’re around at the time, and how structured the play session is. We use safe words, like red for stop and yellow for slow down, every time we play. We also do not follow proscribed gender roles; in fact, many of us challenge them with things like sissification (the feminization of a male, by a Dominant woman, at his request). If you’re non-binary, transgender, cis, asexual, or whatever and want to be a Dominant, do it! If you want to be a submissive, do it! If you want to be a switch (someone who does both), do it! That’s the beauty of this Lifestyle, you can be whatever you want to be and no one will judge you for it. If they do judge you, they’re an elitist prick and shouldn’t be part of the Lifestyle because they don’t belong there. We follow the credo, “Your kink is not my kink, and that’s okay.”

When someone who actively practices BDSM hears “I live the Lifestyle” in public, it tips us off, but not everyone in the room, and that’s the way most of us prefer it. We can also ask others “are you part of the Lifestyle,” without outing them in public, because if they aren’t they’ll ask, “what lifestyle?” Unfortunately, because of the controversial nature of our relationships, most of us have to stay behind locked doors and maintain a vanilla appearance. There have been many kinksters charged with assault and domestic battery over bruises, or loud noises that led to a welfare check, because of over-concerned vanilla neighbors, friends, or family, even though what we do is 100% consensual.

Disclaimer

Many of us have to hide our identities, and where we live, for our personal protection because some people really do hate the way we live, and have threatened to hurt us. This is why I have chosen to write under my pet name, Daddy’s Pumpkin. They either don’t, or don’t want to, understand how living the way we do enriches our lives, but that’s okay. It gives us things that we’re lacking, thereby making us feel whole, if even for just the hour or two scene we’re participating in. I have an anonymous Twitter, Tumblr, and WordPress blog because my family would never accept the way we live because they think anything like what we do is abuse. I need to be part of the Community, but I have to do it secretly so I can maintain a career outside of my personal life.

As a responsible member of the kink community, I have to write a disclaimer about this topic. First, I want to be clear that the Lifestyle is NOT what you see in porn videos, nor is it what you read about in romance novels, or on the Penthouse Forums. That’s why the kink community hates Fifty Shades of Grey. Christian Grey is abusive, and uses being a Dominant as justification to beat women because of his psychological issues. Yes, some people in porn today do live the Lifestyle outside of their careers, but most of them perform it for the money and don’t live their lives as strictly as the actual kink community does. Please remember that they are all paid performers.

I’ve learned a lot from www.kink.com, where all three of these performers work, and I am very impressed by what they do in creating our ultimate fantasies, and shipping together the performers in pretty amazing ways (Duffett 202-207). Everyone just needs to remember that porn is for entertainment purposes only, and do not try what they do in the videos at home unless you know how to do it correctly and safely. There are on-average 10 professionals involved with each shoot at www.kink.com to ensure the safety of the performers. I also follow Sunny Megatron, a well-known sex blogger, and her blog is http://www.sunnymegatron.com.

My Frame of Reference

Most of the people I know who participate in the Lifestyle live by the simple principles of Domination & submission, in which one partner is the Dominant partner, and the other is the submissive partner. Thusly, in this series of articles, I will only be discussing monogamous, Dominant/submissive (D/s) relationships, as I am not familiar with polyamory and cannot claim to understand it. I will also do my best to remain gender neutral, as I know there is not just the typical male Dominant and female submissive mold as popular culture would have us believe (Nowell 2011). Many people in the community are non-binary, transgender, or cis, as well as pansexual and polyamorous, gay, straight, and lesbian and I do not discount their relationships at all. I’m just the most familiar with my niche in the Lifestyle. The rest of the acronyms usage depends the parameters of the relationship. There is always an agreement to which the Dominant and submissive have both consented, either verbally or in writing. It’s good to write the relationship parameters down whether you’re a newbie or a long-time kinksters, because sometimes we forget what we’ve agreed to, and that’s when things can go terribly wrong during a scene.

Contracts

Contracts typically include what the Dominant will and won’t do, and what the submissive will and won’t do, as well as what they’d like to try as they grow to trust their Dominant. The contract will also detail what words the Dominant prefers to use as safe words. The submissives portion of the contract normally has an intensity scale for each activity as well so that the Dominant knows how hard to push them during a scene. When something on the contract is an absolute no, it is called a hard limit. Hard limits are not to be broken, and both Dominant and submissive have the right to call anything they want to a hard limit. If either party breaks hard limits, it’s a gross violation of trust and can end a relationship immediately depending on the situation. When something is a maybe or they’d like to try it, but with provisions, it is called a soft limit. Limits can be re-negotiated at any time, and honestly should be gone over regularly as the partners get to know each other. A true Dominant will only do what the submissive has agreed to, and will not push them into anything they are not comfortable doing. A good resource for contracts is BDSM Contracts.org.

Types of Activities

Bondage & Discipline (BD) play a large role in many D/s relationships, as do Sadism & Masochism (S&M), for both punishment and fun. Most Dominants are also Sadists (they like to control and administer pain & punishment), as most submissives are Masochists, (they like to be controlled and receive pain). Most include punishment in their contracts for when the submissive breaks rules, or gets sassy with their Dominant so they can remind the submissive whose boss. That’s what floggers, riding crops, whips, canes, paddles, leather straps, hot candle wax, clothes pins, clamps, electricity, fire, needles, spanking, slapping, punching, ball gags, blindfolds, embarrassment, public humiliation, and uncomfortable or predicament bondage are for, most of the time.

Types of Dynamics

However, punishment can also be fun for major masochists, and some actually piss off their Dominant on purpose to get what they want. These submissives are called brats. So, if the Dominant finds themselves with a hardcore masochist, they really have to get to know their partner on a deep level, and find out what tool they really hate used on them so they can use it for punishment. For example: I have a friend who hates canes, so that’s what her Daddy uses. But it’s not just to make us cower in a corner. The whole point of using an implement that scares the submissive is to maintain control, but also to push their limits and help them to not be afraid of that implement any more.

I know this sounds insane to those outside of the Lifestyle, but the whole point of a D/s relationship is safety and structure for both the Dominant and submissive. It gives them a space in which they can explore their limits and needs together. True Dominants are very nurturing, squishy-hearted, people, and that’s what attracts submissives to them. They want a piece of property (yes I know that’s problematic to feminists, but remember the submissive has chosen this role) that they can spoil and do with as they please, which totally does it for submissives because that’s how they want to be treated. People who fall into the submissive mold are looking for security and safety from someone they can grow to trust with their life. Someone to fill their heart with love and feelings of being cherished; someone to fill the void they feel in their lives (Lacan quoted in Storey 2015).

Domestic Service Dynamic

However, there are many titles and dynamics within the D/s lifestyle, because there are many types of D/s relationships, some of which don’t even involve sex. Domestic service is one of the most popular types of non-sexual D/s relationships, and the one I use most as an example when talking to newbies or people who are curious, because it doesn’t make them as uncomfortable as talking about sexual servitude does. In a domestic service situation, the submissive can feel safe and cared for without worrying about being pressured for sex. Simultaneously, they can fulfill their desire to serve someone and be rewarded for a job well done. Often times, domestic servants exist alongside the Dominants full-time submissives, and don’t get a lot of one-on-one time with the Dominant because they’re usually performing their duties while the Dominant is at work, and they don’t typically live with the Dominant. Rewards for great service come in many forms, but the most common reward for domestic service is alone time with the Dominant, be it a date, shopping, or being spoiled. All most submissives want is to feel cared for, safe, and useful to whomever they are serving, as set forth in their contract.

The 24/7 Dynamic

A 24/7 live-in submissive performs all domestic and sexual duties for the Dominant, according to the contract they have arranged. Many of these submissives are actually wives and mothers, so these duties fit right in with their routine, but they have added significance because the Dominant has agreed to a much greater reward than, “thanks for buying the shaving cream I like babe.” A lot of what is required of a live-in submissive is expressed in daily rituals like (but not limited to): making breakfast, packing their Dominants lunch, setting out their Dominants clothes, doing laundry and putting it away correctly, making the bed, cleaning the house, going grocery shopping, having dinner on the table when the Dominant comes home, making sure the kids have done their homework and are ready for school the next day, and tucking in the kids at night and reading them a bed time story. Many do have cages, like this one. Some are kept in them for long periods, and some are just used for play. After everything for the day is done, kids or no kids, the Dominant and submissive spend time together and the submissive is rewarded for a good days work as the Dominant sees fit. Actual recognition from your partner for your hard work every day, imagine that!

Why live this way?

I have often thought about why I chose to finally tell my Husband what I needed, and have concluded that living this Lifestyle really does fill a huge hole in my psyche. I grew up in an extremely disciplined, military home, and I was majorly missing that discipline. At the time of my inception to the BDSM world, I felt like things were spinning out of control with our life, with school, just with everything. Having my Husband take the reins and literally make me follow chore lists, a homework schedule, an exercise schedule, a cooking schedule, and a schedule for everything else we could think of (because I’m obsessive compulsive) has really helped me become a more disciplined person. It has also helped alleviate the major anxiety I used to get from not feeling like I was doing everything I was supposed to be during the day, because my compulsions were getting in the way.

BDSM provides structure for many people like me who suffer from emotional and mental health issues. It also provides a way for us to let go, and just be who we are without repercussion, or judgment from others. I trust my Husband more than ever, because not only can I trust him to take care of me and keep me safe, but now I can trust him to call me on my bullshit and keep me in line when I am not capable of doing it myself. We have become closer than I ever could have imagined over the past three years since we started exploring the world of BDSM together. I’m grateful every day for this wonderful thing we have found.

 

Works Cited

Duffett, Mark. Understanding Fandom: An Introduction to the Study of Media Fan Culture. Bloomsbury Academic. 2013.

Haenfler, Ross. Goths, Gamers, and Grrrls: Deviance and Your Subcultures. Oxford University Press. 2016.

Storey, John. Cultural Theory and Popular Culture: An Introduction. Routledge. 2015.

Nowell, Richard. "There's More Than One Way to Lose Your Heart": The American Film Industry, Early Teen Slasher Films, and Female Youth." Cinema Journal 51.1 (2011): 115-40. Web.