#I hate this I'm homesick and in pain | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

st4rbwrry · 7 months ago

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━━━ 𝑝𝑟𝑎𝑦 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑐𝑎𝑡𝑐ℎ 𝑚𝑒. a.h

warnings 𑄽𑄺 6.4k. fem reader, lowercase intended, she/her pronouns, murder mystery, aki is a chef, oral [ f + m.], sneaking away, marijuana use, praise, fingering + finger sucking, aki's tongue is pierced, sexual acts happen quick, mentions of depression, brief mention of emotional/physical abuse, reader is desperate for help/attention, parental neglect, grooming, minors aren’t allowed.

━━━ ꒰ 𝑚𝑜𝑐ℎ𝑎'𝑠 𝑝𝑟𝑒𝑡𝑡𝑦 𝑡ℎ𝑜𝑢𝑔ℎ𝑡𝑠 .ᐟ ꒱ ; another old piece of mine i never fully finished and now posting yrs later!

“okay, i'm out!" aki is shouting as he tosses his white chef coat over his shoulder, book bag on the other, the cool breeze of spring blowing through his raven hair the minute he opened the tall glass door that led to the front of the restaurant. his friend, also a coworker, is busy, in the mix of gathering dirty dishes and clearing trash bins but still sends him a farewell, a quick, 'see ya tomorrow. good job today!' till he's off to his bus stop. he was thankful he got out early, just before five in the afternoon meaning the sun hadn't set yet.

he sighs, extremely worn out, in dire need of a steamy hot shower and a greasy pizza while laying in the comfort of, finally, his own apartment he worked entirely too hard to gain. the commute to his place in brooklyn, new york became rather annoying due to rush hour traffic at this time. having to take the bus then switch to the 'n' train, hopping off and walking fifteen minutes until he finally reaches his destination. his second goal was to afford a vehicle to save him money instead of wasting it on expensive monthly metro cards.

aki's lived here his entire life, growing up in the bronx, not much different. he loved new york, but not their uppity expenses. the fact that he's paying nearly two grand for a 600 square-foot apartment with no in-unit laundry nor a gym at that, was nonsensical. did he want to reside here forever? yes. he'd feel homesick if he ever were to leave. having the opportunity to travel seemed like a much better alternative, that way he'd still have his home but be anywhere in the world doing what he loved, and that was cooking. aki hayakawa was twenty-six years old, earning his master's in culinary arts at the culinary institute of america, also known as the C.I.A.

his ultimate dream was to open his restaurant, which he would name after his tragically deceased mother. a terrible accident in which he dreads the memory of. falling endlessly into a black hole, hearing nothing but the sound of his own fear, the breaking of his bones when it interacted with brick interior, the feeling of his heart thumping excessively against his chest as he continued to drop deeper like a rock that was chucked down an empty well. this emotion he knew all too well; failure. when he lost his mother, it felt as if the world crumbled beneath him, malicious dark vines slithering up to grab him by his ankles and pull him down a bottomless pit of nothingness.

he tasted the agony, the anger, the sadness, and even the hate from the fact that she was gone and never coming back. countless tantrums, anxiety attacks, and depression summed up the apathy of it all. it took him six years to realize that drowning in pain would never help him gain the strength that he knew she wanted him to have. by letting her witness the pain he was going through from above, he was hurting not only her . . but himself. so to overcome the tragedy, he kept himself busy with cooking. going to school, earning his degree, and the current job he had with his best friend since middle school.

school was probably the greatest thing he'd ever done to reinvent who he was as a person. cooking is a delicate yet challenging obstacle to undertake, yet, it's so therapeutic to him. the nature of it all, being able to witness what he can do for many people, bring laughter and happiness—it's a beautiful thing. when aki was small, he and his mother would give back to people all the time. whether they were donating clothes to the homeless, or feeding small pigeons pieces of bread on a sunny day as they flew to the gray pavement, awaiting a feast. they always cared about others. they would experiment a lot, going to food markets just to come home and whip up a good meal which they would then donate to the less fortunate. that's when he learned how humble he felt to give back to those in need.

he wanted to show his mother his achievements, to push himself and become a world-renowned chef, just like gordon ramsey—without the aggression. he wanted his name plastered on articles for his extraordinary talent, talked about on tv, in fact, given his own cooking show on foodnetwork. aki grew up watching that channel, an obsessive enticement his mother could never break the young boy from. he was making recipes at the age of twelve, and learned how to cook at eight. eggs were the first thing, usually everyone's first, then as time progressed, he grew from simple pasta dishes to revitalizing gourmet meats, and anything french. just recently he schooled himself on how to create wine. every day he learned something new, and that was the beauty of culinary.

"hayakawa! come here!" star yells as soon as she sees the tall man emerge through the front door, ready to start his morning shift, raspy voice laced with slight panic, instantly making the man run to her out of worry.

"what's wrong?" he furrows his brows.

"look who just fucking walked in," she grabs his bicep, pulling him closer to the front counter. aki curiously follows where her finger points, seeing a slim man with black curly hair dressed properly in a white and black suit. silver and sapphire rolex on his wrist, his pale green eyes scanning through the lens of his glasses at the menu while he sips his water. expensive.

"i have no idea who that is," aki blinks, making star gasp.

"he's alexander bodari, one of my favorite authors of all time. remember the novel i told you i was reading, about this girl who was kept in this lunatics basement and almost murdered?"

aki's eyebrows raise. "the book dylan bought you for your birthday, right?"

"yeah! that's him. oh my fucking god, i'm so nervous, whew," star begins to fan herself, nearly having a breakdown. aki grabs her shoulder and chuckles.

"chill out, star. you don't have to serve him if you don't want to."

"of course i do! i just. . . can't," she frowns.

"you can, you've done it many times before. this isn't the first celebrity we've come across."

star sighs, nodding. "you're right, i can do it."

"good girl," aki smiles, patting the top of her head. star catches his wrist and scowls.

"fuck off."

"aki," another voice calls to him, this time it's the head chef, also known as his boss. aki greets him with a small, 'good morning, chef' before waiting for his response.

"i'm guessing you know that alexander bodari is here," lane says, arms crossed over his broad chest. aki nods. "i want you to cook for him."

aki and star share a glance of shock.

"uh, why me. where's dylan?"

"he's not feeling well so i gave him the day off. you're the only one here that's near his level, and he's a higher-up man, so i want you to cook for him. star will cater to his needs. we're kinda short-staffed today, and i trust you two will handle it properly."

"yes, chef," they say in unison.

star was only a waiter, working here for four years while aki earned his position two years into her time. the last thing the woman could do was cook, ironic since she worked in a restaurant with very talented people. lane would've asked her in a heartbeat if she was as skilled as aki. aki was known for making dishes at the top of his head, so if anyone asked for a special, he was the one to ask. before they began to serve anyone inside, aki gave star a small prep talk before sending her out. eventually, she got through with taking his order without stuttering or sweating. when she walked back into the kitchen, actually shoved the doors open with a joker smile on her face, aki cocks his head at her.

"you—"

"he wants your special!" she screams, doing a goofy dance, and skipping in her spot.

aki's face drops. "are you deadass?"

"yes! when he was looking at the menu, he saw your four courses on the back and chose your mom's stew! fucking a, man!"

aki is still frozen, weakly giving star their signature handshake, smile slowly easing onto his face. "my mom's stew? seriously?"

"yeah. chop chop, get to it."

aki was persistent. no one's ever ordered his mother's stew, which made this day very special for him. even if the dish was only on the menu for a month, it still meant a lot to him. he made sure there were no distractions, taking a tender chuck roast and cutting them into cubes, seasoning them well while throwing in worcester sauce, balsamic vinegar, garlic cloves, bay leaves, and beef broth. making a slurry with flour and water to thicken the stew. adding onions and potatoes. it was a simple yet fulfilling dish he looked forward to every sunday.

"deep breaths," star whispered as she carried the steaming tray of stew plated professionally on a porcelain oval-shaped bowl. in a way, it felt like she was telling not only herself but him. it's a rarity that people order his courses, and serving this to an author, a bestseller, a man worth millions, made him giddy. he was cheesing like an idiot, pushing star out the double doors to the dining area.

although as soon as she walked out, that's when doubt clouded his gut. did he put too many seasonings? is the meat tender enough? what if he doesn't like it? will he write about it on his author blog? god, he hoped the potatoes weren't hard. he had only tasted the broth, it tasted just like his mother's. what if. . .

"aki," star walks back in, an even wider grin on her a-symmetrical face this time. he blinks, realizing that he's been standing here for three minutes now. "he wants to see the chef."

he's dumbfounded. "me?"

"no, lane. yes, you!" she's squealing like a girl, and sometimes he forgets she is one, even underneath her blunt features and boyish sense of style.

he's clearing his throat now, strolling mindlessly towards alexander bodari's table, greeting himself and waiting for his constructive criticism.

"you're aki hayakawa?" the man questioned, lifting his glasses back onto his face.

"yes, sir."

"i just have to say," alexander chuckles, softly clapping his hands. "this may be one of the best stews i've ever had."

the tenseness in aki's shoulders relaxes, and he's sighing with relief, alexander noticing and laughing. "i'm really glad to hear that, sir."

"did you create this on your own?"

"it's actually my mother's recipe. it's my favorite. every time i make it, it reminds me of her."

"that's really ironic because this reminds me of the stew my mother used to make," he grins. "yours is the first that i haven't seen carrots in."

aki laughs. "my mom hated cooked carrots."

"mine did too," he fixes his collar. "is this your restaurant?"

"no, no. i'm just a cook here. i plan on opening my own soon. i already have my master's."

his brows raise. "wow, that's amazing. wow old are you?"

"twenty-six, sir."

"well, you're definitely going places," he compliments and aki feels even more satisfied. "say what, i'm having this pre-book release, about a hundred guests. i was wondering if you would like to cater the party. i'll pay you however much you want."

it's like the whole world collapsed on his chest. he'd never gotten an opportunity like this, especially this big. to cook for so many famous people at once was a blessing. he could really show off his skills if he took this offer . . . and did. after thanking him, exchanging contacts, and then handshakes, aki lets the man finish his meal before jogging back into the kitchen to scream about it to aki, lane, and the rest of the crew. alexander offered star to come along to serve, but unfortunately she couldn't, seeming as she'd be out of town for family matters that day.

alexander, of course, knowing she was a big fan signed a copy of his book she already had in her bag and letting her know she could help the next time he had an event. that made her happy enough. the two of them couldn't wait to finish their shifts today, taking the train to star's place and planning dishes all night, even cooking them to get them just right. alexander was hosting the party at his penthouse down soho. and aki had a week to prepare himself.

୨♡୧

cashmere sweaters, silk gowns, and jewelry that most likely cost more than his savings account roamed the lovely terrace of alexander bodari's home. every inch of it screamed filthy rich. rows of tables were set outside, the dark night sky making the moon shun brightly amongst the glass centerpieces filled with calla lilies and moss. white cloths, sterling silverware, and porcelain dinnerware. the terrace itself was elegant; freshly cut bushes trimmed as squares, a marble three-tiered italian water fountain placed in the middle. roses, dandelions, tall plants ranging from bamboo, snake plants, and pothos. alexander was very in touch with nature and his spirit. it's crazy he writes about the things he does.

speaking of, the book he was presenting that would be released in august was titled, 'to riven a magnolia.' he wouldn't quite reveal what it was about yet, wanting it to be a surprise, but did read an excerpt from the novel. aki only paid half attention, big words throwing him off plus he wanted to set the food table properly so guests could take what they wanted after his reading. aki didn't go all out since only seventy-two people were available to make it, and he didn't want any meals that would make anyone too full to converse, so he kept it simple yet exquisite. each guest received a slice of japanese fluffy cheesecake with a side of strawberry and mandarin orange tanghulu. beef wellington, and a six-sided cream garlic bread.

he received praise all night long. people gasping and thanking him for the food, giving him all sorts of compliments making the man blush like a child. at one point he held both sides of his face in his palms when a woman and her husband approached him to talk, way too shy, and the woman flirting with him didn't make it go away. eventually, her husband dragged her out of his sight. the night went on, classical music played as people sipped their champagne and talked about their wealth, their yoga classes, their thousand dollar dogs, golf, marketing . . . aki hopes he never becomes this way.

as he's pouring an elderly lady a glass as she rambles about baking, he notices a woman he's barely seen all night. he's disoriented, eyeing this girl leaning up against a vintage roman painting reaching the ceiling once the lady departs. brown eyes; the first captivating part of her body he captured. they appeared lonely, bored perhaps as they scanned through the crowd of people, soon landing on another pair, his own. the godly woman stared at him longingly. aki had no business nearly losing his shit under her gaze. wow. she was truly stunning.

one feature that stood out the most were the freckles scattered from the bridge of her nose to the swell of her cheekbones. pretty. her black hair styled protectively in butterfly locs that grazed her collarbones, seeing the industrial piercing hiding behind a piece. her lashes were long, naturally extended. heart-shaped lips were full and pouty, the upper lip brown while the lower, salmon pigmented. an emerald satin mini dress loosely clung to her alluring brown skin. cowl neckline, ruched waist, and an open back partially revealing the red dragon tattoo painted on the side of her hip. black suede gucci heels strapped prettily around her ankles, showcasing her white painted toenails. a three layered gold necklace on her chest. this woman, you, were the rationale of celestial.

it was the moment you smiled at him, tilting your head slightly to the side while tapping your ombré acrylic nail amongst the glass of your champagne, calling to him while he thoughtlessly followed, that aki would realize he had made one of the worst mistakes in his life.

"you're pretty."

it's the first thing you say when he walks towards you, offering a piece of cheesecake with a cheeky smile. aki is taken aback, chuckling nervously, palms already clammy the minute he approached you.

"pretty?" he's perplexed.

"that's what i said," you say, taking the gold fork from his palm and cutting a slice to taste, widening your mouth while maintaining eye contact. the man swallows.

"uh, i've never gotten that before. thank you."

you're too busy eyeing him to say a thing. even if he dressed in simple black skinny jeans and same color tee, a silver necklace tucked beneath his shirt, sable combat boots, and a white apron around his waist . . he looked damn good. his eyes were blue, somewhat smoke gray, dark hair long and straight, the top half tucked into a small messy bun on the back of his head. a few loose strands swaying around his cheekbones. he was tall, shoulders broad, forearms and hands slightly veiny. you gazed at his hands holding the plate for you, wide and rough, fingers long.

"you don't seem to be enjoying the party," he says, knocking you out of your daydream.

you hum with displeasure. "he's a fake."

aki furrows his brows. "sorry?"

"alex, he's unoriginal. most of his novels are stolen by people he pays to keep quiet," you side-eye him while downing the last drop of your champagne, slowly licking your lips. his eyes flicker there for a split moment.

"how do you know?"

the question makes you quiet, tapping your glass. "think of it like this; everyone starts off as a cocoon. eventually as time goes by, we evolve into butterflies. the cocoon represents our innocence; the purity and unawareness of what's to come in life. once we sprout into butterflies, we become tarnished, facing the real world and learning to adapt to its cruelty. life can be beautiful, but it's always painful no matter how happy or dismal we are. it's our choice to fly in the direction we want for ourselves even when the harshness of life beats us down. butterflies only live for so long. we disintegrate after inhumane amounts of stress, loneliness, or tragic events that take a toll on us, removing the power of staying beautiful. we show beauty to the public but don't feel it when everything around us is falling apart. but we can't make life harder on ourselves by dwelling on what we can't have rather than pushing for what we can have."

aki is speechless, half-understanding what you meant. "are you saying alexander is a butterfly that can't fly?"

"he's more like a mosquito, latching onto those who want to sprout into a butterfly but sucks the nutrients from them for his pleasure. he's a fraud. he'll never be a butterfly because he simply can't."

"did he steal from you? is that why you resent him?"

"no," you bluntly state, although aki doesn't believe you.

he takes the fork from you, cutting you another slice before holding it towards your lips, waiting for you to bite. you looked like you needed it. the drowsiness in your eyes may have indicated that you were tipsy. you giggle, shaking your head before he feeds you, your big eyes captivating him more. "is there something you want?"

"you."

aki nearly chokes and he's not even the one eating, your bluntness throwing him in a spiral of emotions.

"am i beautiful to you?" you lean closer, aki swallowing, scanning his surroundings. most of everyone remained in the living area, the two of you far behind a wall near the glass door of the terrace. he could smell your scent better, a sweet smell of caramel. soft skin shimmering with glitter.

"very."

"so what's stopping you? you got a girlfriend or somethin'?"

"n-no, it's just. i barely know you."

"that's part of the thrill," he watches as your small wrist turns and your palm is flat outward. "come upstairs with me."

like any man would, his feet walked on their own, stupidly following behind you up the black marble staircase, hand in yours as his eyes watched your hips switch.

"what's your name?" that should've been the first thing you asked, idiot.

"[♡]."

"i'm aki."

"i know who you are."

that's right, alexander introduced him to everyone after his reading right before supper. things felt like they went too quickly. aki didn't know who he was at this moment, completely floating out of his body and letting you take over like a spell. he was entranced. one thing leads to another, you're locking the door to one of the four bedrooms here. aki's sitting on the bed while you walk around, talking to him more about anything. his age, his aspirations in life. nonsense, basically. until he notices something.

a room with an open bay window revealing the late-night city of new york, stars in the sky, skyscrapers high. the breeze is warm, the air making the fabric of your dress rise just enough for him to catch a glimpse of the pink thong you wore. he's gulping, your legs shifting and a grin coming on your face as you see the tint of red blush across his cheeks. you're leaned against the window, toes pressing into your other foot, a gold anklet with the first letter of your name clasped on your skin. your shoes were off, and in between your two fingers sat a blunt, maybe about three inches now since you were too busy talking, letting it burn away.

once you flick it out the window, you fully turn to face him, sharp nails skidding up your thighs teasingly slow until the hem of your dress rises fully, and he's staring at the belly button piercing you have. your thick thighs, your curves, and your nipple when you moan and lift your arms to stretch and one of the straps falls down your shoulders.

"oops," you're pouting, and aki's had enough. he got it now. he understood why you wanted him to come up here. the liquor buzzing in your veins, and going straight to your clit like a drug. you wanted him the moment you saw him. you needed him, for more reasons than one.

aki was always one to put a woman's pleasure before his own. so when he saw you drop to your knees to crawl towards him, dainty hands trailing up his clothed thighs until you're undoing his belt and he's biting his lip. . . he was drawn in further. pulling him out of the confinement of his jeans, holding his pulsating dick in your hand, darting your tongue out, and pressing it flat to the aching head. he's squeezing his eyes shut when he's deep in your throat after a while, moaning around him and twisting your hand along as your mouth glides. his hand is in your hair, gathering some of it in his large fist while leaning back a bit to see those gorgeous eyes of yours stare into his, slightly watery. he liked that. he liked you.

"nnn, baby. like that," he's throwing his head back, jaw slacked as he tried to keep his voice down, not daring to let too much slip out regarding the guests below them. eyes back on you, he's watching as your hips gyrate in the air, desperately needing to be touched.

it's so foreign, this level of intimacy. it's been so long since he's had his dick buried deep in anything. sure, he masturbates like any other human being, but it's a rarity. he's so consumed in work that by the time he goes home he's knocked out in slumber, not even thinking about grabbing his fleshlight to fulfill his pleasure. the last time he had sex was at the beginning of his freshman year of college. it was some girl in his cutlery class who invited him over for late-night drinks, leading to more than just that. it was frequent until he realized he was failing courses because of the distraction and had to get back on track, so, he called it quits.

now he's pulling you up, feverishly pressing his lips to yours in a messy kiss, lips smacking, tongues bumping. you're keening when his thick fingers clasp around your throat as you straddle his waist, clinging to his shirt you eventually pull over his head. it's as if the both of you forgot that people were here and might hear you, but neither of you cared. aki's not even scolding you when you're moaning too loud the second he has you beneath him, your clothing still on, barely, and his jeans and briefs clinging to his ankles, your knees to your chest as his hot mouth latches around your puffy clit, back arching off the plush mattress.

the metal from his pierced tongue rushing against you as he holds the back of one of your thighs to keep them up, grunting and swallowing your arousal. you're whining so much it has his dick twitching, pulling on his hair not helping either. you're rocking your hips with urgency, legs twitching after he lifts his head to spit, collecting his saliva with two fingers before curling them into you, holding your stomach down while he shakes his fingers. that alone has you convulsing around him, tears in your eyes as you whimper his name and squirm helplessly, his lips kissing your inner thighs.

coming down from your high, aki's already propping himself behind you, turning you on your side while he laid on his, leveraging your head with his forearm underneath your neck, fingers in your mouth you suck while glaring at him. he curses, monotoned voice rasping, "don't do that."

"do what?" you hum, wrapping your lips around them again and moaning.

aki clenches his jaw, lifting your right leg to open you up before slipping inside, hearing you gasp as you adjust to the stretch. both of you groan in unison, turning your face to the side to kiss him while your nails clawed at his hip, then his ass as he rolls into you, too horny to be gentle and snapping his hips hard against your ass, grunting, "i heard you, girl," and drilling faster. your eyes scroll to the back of your head, aki swallowing the breath out of you as he sucks on your bottom lip and chokes you, the two of you whining in each other's mouth, muffling the noise although the skin interaction didn't cease.

he's brutal, a different person when in this form of bond. dropping your leg and reaching between to rub at your clit, heavy breaths on your neck as he hides his face there. you can easily smell the citrus scent of his shampoo, his scent overall a main attraction when he stepped toward you. . . like lavender. when he's nearing his climax, he gropes your chest, slurring, "be a good girl and cum all over me, baby. can i feel it this time?" and you nod, doing just as he says, his taunts and praises making your gut swim with butterflies.

you try not to scream as he licks and bites your neck sloppily, dazed. instead, you grab a pillow nearby and stuff part of it in your mouth, aki's face hovering over you as tears leak from your eyes and you cum hard, harder than you ever had. aki holds you close by your waist, taking a few more pumps before he furrows his brows and slowly pulls out, cumming on your flush skin with a hiss. by this time, his hair had fallen down his face completely, and even in your fucked out state, you reach up to rake through it with a lazy smile. aki chuckles, kissing your forehead before building the strength to find a cloth to clean you up. luckily, there's an en-suite bathroom, giving him access to warm water and toiletries.

fixing his posture in the mirror, he's rubbing his face and adjusting his clothes to appear as he did when he arrived; neat and professional. although what he just did wasn't so classy of him. he fucked some woman he barely knew at a millionaires home. work, he was working. not here for personal pleasure. he wanted to slap himself for being so easily enraptured. no one had to know about it. he only hoped not a soul downstairs heard what went on.

he's good to go, done scolding himself and turning off the bathroom light before stepping out. he finds you perched up, sipping a miniature bottle of crown royal you found in the bedside mini-fridge, sniffling your nose and blankly staring out the window. aki comes forward, gently grasping your thigh and gliding the wet cloth over your skin, the silence awkward.

"dandelions.”

aki's eyes slowly drift to your face, staring in confusion. "what?"

he notices how eerily slow tears built up in your eyes, gripping the bottle harder before exhaling. "dandelions," now you're finally looking at him, the coldness on your face making him anxious. "that's where his body is."

your voice is like vanilla. it's one thing about you that he grew infatuated with. it's one of the many reasons he was captured by you, brought to where he was now. standing at the bedside as he watched tears pool down your broken face. body? what body? he grew cold, nervously eyeing you as you sniffled, standing to fix your hair, dress, and walking around the bed to slip back into your heels.

“wait," he goes to grab your arm when you try to walk out the door. "what the fuck are you talking about?"

the deadness in your eyes scares him even more, and he's panicking when you say, "alex."

“alexander?!" he shouts, dragging you away from the exit, hands on either side of your shoulders as he eyes you, his own wide. heart pumping drastically. "what did you do? where is he?"

"by the dandelions on the terrace," blunt, again. as if you aren't phased at all by his reaction. "follow me."

he's stunned, unable to fully process what you were telling him. he already assumed the worst when the term 'body' came to light. though his heart raced heavily in his chest, his feet blindly dragged in your direction. cautiously watching your every move in case he had to protect himself. fuck, he didn't have any weapon. then again, he's sure he could easily handle you, knock you out if he needed to. lock you in a closet and alert the hundreds of guest just below their feet. that's right, there are still people here. and if you mentioned alexander, how the fuck and when the fuck did you have the time to . . . kill him?

"[♡]," he began to speak your name, but your head was in the clouds, ignoring anything that came out of his mouth as you cut into a passageway that led to a grand master bedroom, then facing the terrace you spoke of. he was nervous, your neck turning to eye him as you step onto the gravel, blankly staring down at something. he couldn't see from where he stood, matter of fact, he didn't want to see.

"he's here," you say. "he's here."

aki has no choice but to advance forward, wanting to squeeze his eyes shut from the upcoming scare of a human’s body. and not just any human, the alexander bodari. a flaccid arm sticks out from beside a bush, palm facing the sky, details of a struggle bruised into his hand as the skin in the area seemed peeled. aki’s heart drops the closer he gets, hand covering his mouth as he stares down at the lifeless body laying in a pool of blood. the aluminum wire draped around his neck stained with blood gave aki the answer he needed when it came to the cause. you strangled him to death. the question remains; who are you and how were you affiliated with alexander? most importantly, why’d you kill him?

“i don’t understand,” is all he can get out.

“the proof is in his first novel,” you utter, and he’s still confused. “the story about the woman who’s trapped in the psychopaths basement? it was about me.”

aki couldn’t grasp the thought of you being the woman from the novel star always talked about. that you had been the victim of his story. that it was a real life phenomena. that he met you, slept with you, and now you want him to, what . . . cover up a murder in a house filled with two hundred guests?

“he painted this image as if he was the most prestigious man on the planet. he made money off of real events. events that played out by torturing me, and using me to get his ‘creative juices flowing.’ he needed a test subject. he was a sick man who deserved to die,” tears pour down your face, the anger in your tone thick and pent up from years of pain and sorrow. “he was my father’s partner. my father despised me simply because of my resemblance of my mother and my rebellion against him. when he died from heart failure, in his will, he married me to alex.”

“that’s fucking. . . sick. i didn’t think that was possible in this day and age.”

you scoff with agreement. “yeah. he watched me grow from a preteen to making me his wife. sick bastard for sure.”

aki wants to vomit from this information. still unable to wrap his head around any of it. his hands sit on his hips as he stares up at the sky and blows a raspberry, try to keep his nerves together. you watch him with sadness, and maybe regret. you weren’t intentionally planning for this to happen. though part of you wanted someone to save you. to see the real you and rescue you from this torment.

“i know this is probably the last thing you expected to happen. i apologize for dragging you into this. i just didn’t know what else to do. i felt hopeless. and i refused to let his popularity run by making another fortune of a sick novel.”

“did he attack you?” he asks.

“he didn’t,” you clarify. “i think i just finally snapped. granted, tonight of all nights wasn’t the correct setting.”

aki makes a face that reads ‘fucking clearly’ as he rubs both palms down his face. he doesn’t know whether to run and call you insane or feel sympathy for a victim. but, murder is murder. and now, standing here with you, that’d make him an accomplice. as scary as that was, he couldn’t risk his future career. but he was stuck in a pickle. he wanted to help you.

“there are clear signs of struggle, so we have to make it look like an accident,” aki suggests, but immediately, you shake your head in disagreement.

“they won’t believe that. he’s one of the wealthiest men in new york. it’ll be a huge investigation.”

“then the only answer would be to tell the truth,” he finalized.

“the . . truth?”

aki nods, pulling you toward him and stepping away from the body, chills still going up his spin and goosebumps on his arms. “listen to me, you can tell the world exactly who you are and what he’s done to you. you have proof. transactions, marriage certificate, i’m sure there’s documents for days in his computer that can prove what he’s put you through. there’s evidence somewhere.”

“and if i tell the world, who’s to say they’ll believe me?”

“i believe you,” aki says. your eyes fill with hope, and thankfulness. “people will have their opinions, but we know the truth. do you have anyone else that can be your alibi?”

you think long and hard, until it hits you. “the maid. she’s been working for him ever since i moved in after my father died. she’s fed me, helped me heal wounds . . even get rid of his unborn child i lost after too much stress.”

“jesus christ,” he bows his head in disbelief. “where is she now?”

“luckily, the kitchen. the woman with the braided red hair. she promised me she’d always protect me. after his book succeeded he became nicer to me, gave me a ‘real’ marriage. she was like his mother, always scolding him when he raised his voice at me or wouldn’t let me live my life. it’s all so depressing.”

“okay. it’s okay, you’re going to be okay,” aki comforts you as you begin to sob once again, cradling your head in his chest.

the night ends in the blink of an eye. aki takes you into another room and wraps a blanket around you as you sit on the edge of the bed and wait for the police. he finds the woman you spoke of, pulls her to the side and informs her of the tragedy above. she herself looks relieved. not at all shocked by what played out, as if she knew you’d go through with it. aki guesses he truly was a horrible man. and to think he would’ve worked for him in the future. the police arrive shortly after the woman goes to check on you, insuring that everything would be okay, and that she’d stick to the full story. the police instructs everyone the leave the premises, aki being questioned for a full hour, this home becoming a crime scene, and all of their faces full of black ink on the daily news the next morning.

aki will never forget the chilling smirk on your face as they removed alexander’s body from the terrace. it was . . haunting.

#aki hayakawa smut #aki smut #aki x reader #aki hayakawa #aki x you #aki x y/n #aki hayakawa x reader #aki hayakawa x you #aki hayakawa x y/n #csm smut #csm #chainsaw man #aki csm #𝜗ৎ ˚⋅ 𝖘𝖙𝖗𝖆𝖜𝖇𝖊𝖗𝖗𝖞 𝖈𝖆𝖛𝖊𝖗𝖓 𝖔𝖋 𝖉𝖗𝖊𝖆𝖒𝖘.

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sweetvoidstuff · 10 months ago

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Share your pain II Cha Hyun Su x Reader

Cha Hyun Su x Reader

Summary: Amidst tears and a revelation of homesickness, Hyun Su offers comfort, leading to an unexpected, comforting connection between you two in the post-apocalyptic world.

the first part, kinda ~~~~~ the next part, kinda

Masterlist

~~~~~

At the quiet corner of the shelter, Hyun Su sat with Pyeon Sang-Wook and Mister An, sharing a meal and exchanging light banter about their scars. While Mister An regaled them with tales of his past, the atmosphere turned somewhat lively until you walked past, a cloud of distress hanging over you. Tears welled in your eyes, making it evident that something heavy weighed on your shoulders. Without the usual exchange of greetings or even a nod in Hyun Su's direction, you hurriedly made your way past them to an empty corner on the first floor.

Concern etched on his face, Hyun Su watched you go, his meal forgotten. Mister An, observing the situation, turned to Hyun Su and said, "Whatever you did wrong, fix it. Apologize. It's easier that way." Hyun Su, genuinely puzzled, mumbled, "I don't even know if I did anything."

Mister An sighed, making himself clear. "Well, figure it out. Your task is to help her this time." Hyun Su hesitated, unsure if intruding on your space was the right course of action. Mister An, not one to tolerate indecision, forced him to "be a man and help his lady."

As Hyun Su got up, a heavy blush on his cheeks, and began searching for you, he tried to think about what he would say. However, all his prepared words vanished when he found you quietly sobbing in one of the mostly unused rooms. Frozen in the doorway, he watched the tears fall, his heart breaking at the sight. You were normally so independent, strong, and reliable; seeing you so small and broken hurt him more than he realized.

Unable to say anything, it was you who broke the silence first. Sniffling and attempting to cover your tears, you mustered the courage to speak, though your voice wavered. "If it's not something important, just leave me alone, please."

Hyun Su, genuine concern etched on his face, took a few careful steps toward you. "Is everything okay? Are you hurt?" he asked, reaching out to comfort you.

Your response was sharp, your emotions spilling over. "Does it look like everything is fine? It's perfect!" The frustration and sadness in your voice struck Hyun Su deeply, and he felt a pang of guilt, realizing that he needed to find a way to make things right, even if he didn't understand what had gone wrong in the first place.

"I'm sorry," were his unsure words, bowing deep and hoping he could fix whatever he did. He knew he shouldn't have relied on you so heavily. You came to his aid every time he needed you. You must hate him for it, you must resent helping him. Those were his thoughts, but as you watched him puzzled and annoyed, he looked at you puzzled as well. Trying to find the right words, he expressed, "I don't know what I did, but I am sorry. I didn't mean to make you cry!"

Instead of accepting his apology, you looked downright angry now. With a growl that made him look between a mix of fear and confusion at you, you said, fighting the tears out of your voice but failing miserably, "It's not you, you dummy! You didn't do anything! I'm… fuck… I just… I miss home."

Angryly, wiping your tears away but failing, Hyun Su relieved he wasn't to reason for your distress asked quietly. „Home?“ Your anger turning into raw saddnes. Your voice a mere whisper „Yes, home“ looking at your knees that you had pressed before you, you took some deep breaths. While Hyun Su took the liberty to come even closer to you. It didnt feel right to stand over you while you cried so he sat himself next to you. Waiting for you to continue. Laying your head on your knees you looked at him debating what to say, you continued, "I am not from Seoul. Hell, I am not even from Korea. I came here to study for a while and then go back to my annoying-as-heck family, telling them about all the amazing food I had, all the friends I made," chuckling entertaining your own thoughts and studing Hyun Su's face, "describing the boy I fell in love with. Something like that. I shouldn't be here all alone, fighting, surviving a human turning into a monster end of the world scenario. I will never see them again." During the end of your speach your voice got softer. Closing your eyes, letting the sadness wash over you.

Hyun Su was at a loss for words. You were right and also so very wrong. He couldn’t entirely empathize with you. He had already lost his family. But was this worse than not knowing if they turned into a monster or if they were still alive. Not sure if this was the right thing to say or do, Hyun Su held his hand out to you. "You are wrong!"

"You think I can make it to the airport, hop into a plane, and get home?" you asked sarcastically, looking at his hand confused.

Hyun Su wiggled his hand, and a blush appeared on his face. He hadn't thought making you grip his hand would be so nerve-racking. It looked easier if you did it. After a moment of hesitation, looking between his hand and his eyes, you let go of your knees and took his hand. Looking straight ahead now because he couldn't look at you anymore out of fear of blushing too much, he quietly said, "That maybe not, but you aren't alone. I am also here."

A sob ran through your body, a whimper escaping you while a new wave of tears shook you. Hyun Su was shocked and started to panic. He wanted to make you feel better, not worse. He jumbled over his words, not knowing now what to say to make you stop crying. But soon your soft whispers reached his ear while you gripped his hand tightly. "Thank you."

Hyun Su sat beside you, still holding your hand, his gaze focused on the floor. The weight of your sorrow hung in the air, and he struggled to find the right words to offer you comfort. As your tears continued to fall, he hesitated, unsure of how to navigate the delicate balance between consoling you and respecting your pain.

Finally, after a moment of silent contemplation, Hyun Su spoke softly, "I may not fully understand what you're going through, but you're not alone in this."

Your grip on his hand tightened, appreciating the sincerity in his voice. The shelter, once filled with the distant sounds of survivors and occasional conversations, now held a quiet intimacy between the two of you. Hyun Su continued, "You're stronger than you think. And even though it might not replace what you've lost, I'm not going anywhere."

The warmth of his words began to thaw the icy grip of sadness that had taken hold of you. You glanced at him, eyes still misty but a glimmer of gratitude shining through. "Thank you, Hyun Su," you whispered, your voice carrying a mix of vulnerability and strength.

He offered a gentle smile, "No need to thank me" Hyun Su's thumb traced soothing circles on the back of your hand, a silent reassurance that he was there for you.

As the quiet moments unfolded, Hyun Su's presence became a source of solace. The weight on your shoulders seemed a bit lighter,as you laid your head on his, knowing that you weren't navigating this challenging journey alone.

After a while, Hyun Su spoke again, "So what Korean food is your favorie till now?"

A soft smile gracing your lips. The two of you sat there, hand in hand, finding solace telling Hyun Su about the nice Tteokbokki shop you had been to. The world outside the shelter may have been fraught with uncertainty, but in that moment, you took refuge in the connection you had forged with Hyun Su.

As time passed, the tears subsided, leaving a sense of calm in their wake. The atmosphere in the room shifted from one of sorrow to one of quiet companionship. Together, you faced the challenges of the post-apocalyptic world, drawing strength from the unexpected bond that had formed in the midst of hardship.

#cha hyun soo #cha hyun su x reader #cha hyunsu #sweet home netflix #sweet home x reader #cha hyun soo x reader #kdrama #song kang #sweet home #sweet home imagines #hyun soo x reader #hyun soo #hyun su #cha hyunsoo #cha hyun su

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pavedinashes-if · 17 days ago

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I'm excited to uncover all the family lore 👀 So many burning questions about Dad and Mom and Stepmom and Stepdad.

But also (SPOILERS) I loved when MC went into their room and realized they are exactly the same as back home yet it doesn't feel like home. I'd like more moments like that. MC buying their favorite coffee but it doesn't taste the same. MC trying to look for a specific brand or snack but they don't have it here. MC remembering the people from small stores or ethnic markets (is that how it's said? Like where they sell food specifically from a certain culture) and realizing they won't be able to greet them anymore. Their connections are gone.

More homesick MC in general.

I. LOVE. YOUR. MESSAGE.

I'm a sucker for the pain. Some people like this, some people hate it. what can you do?... anyways.

Yes, if you want to be a wet cat mc, then you're welcome. I'll give you plenty of those moments. You can try to overcome them or not. Further, some of the ROs can relate to it (bonding time?), while others will be rolling their eyes at you.

Also, MC can pick whether they prefer to stick to their old contacts or cut ties and focus on all the new people. This does not mean that you can avoid all interactions and encounters, but you can def shape MCs life in these regards. EDIT: about the family lore. SPOILER - Just a lil insight: If you want to get to the core of the lore, you have to actively go after it!

#pia: game mechanics #core of the lore - i laughed #don't roll your eyes at me duh #and yeah #you cannot accidentally stumble over all the family lore

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cult-of-the-eye · 1 year ago

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Something horrifying occurred to me today. If my father was a fictional character, people would think of him in a similar way people see Jonathan Sims, Head Archivist of the Magnus Institute. Here's why:

He has had So Much Shit happen to him. Like Jesus Christ. Like string of unfortunate deaths kind of shit. Like how is this man still functional kind of shit.

He's also had such an interesting childhood and life he's such a wildcard like my dad randomly telling us how he smuggled some guys over the border when he was like 19 is giving the same vibes as Jonathan Sims saying he knows what a meme is

That's not to say he's a huge badass or anything (he is but for the sake of this comparison) he was terrified out of his mind the whole time and did it cause he was feeling homesick and was like I know how these guys feel so I'm gonna help. Giving trademark Jonathan "gonna do it but gonna do it shaking like a wet dog" Sims

He's a skinny brown guy who's kinda quiet, supremely awkward and makes dorky jokes

I asked him if he would still love me if I were a worm and he deadass said only if you went to worm Cambridge. Tell me that's not a Jonathan Sims thing to say.

He's probably autistic (he won't talk to you unless you mention something specific and then you can't stop him talking about the geopolitical situation of Bangladesh)

He's so emotionally constipated. My dude has never heard of emotions ever. He once gave me the advice that the way to deal with negative emotions about our shitty situation is to just compare it to poor peoples' lives in Bangladesh and thank god we don't have it that bad. I think he's allergic to therapy.

He's always in some sort of pain. God hates him personally.

He's the most anxious man I've ever met in my life. I think he lies awake at night just planning how he's gonna get through the next day. Like all he does is overthink and eat his own curated mixed nuts snack

He indulges in a funny cat video once or twice

He hates dogs (growing up in Bangladesh will do that to you but also he's not good with the barking)

Saying that, has bonded with one crusty white dog, who he immediately picked up although i don't think he meant to do that, so we get a situation of quite a tall man holding a small dog but both of them looking Absolutely Terrified.

He's such a baby fiend. I've never seen someone so hell bent on being a grandfather. We went to a family party with him once and not even 5 minutes in, we found him holding a baby. I'm taking @lonelyslutavatar 's baby fever Jon as canon btw.

He's constantly in business casual. He'll be in bed wearing slacks. It's not cause he's fashionable but in fact only because those are pretty much the same clothes he's owned since 2005 and the only clothes he owns.

Nobody is quite sure what he does for a living. Like sure we know his job title (I had to look it up on LinkedIn) but his day to day activities? A mystery. Who actually knows what being a Head Archivist entails? Not me.

I rest my case. For now.

#im sorry to say they're both wet cats of men #tma #the magnus archives #jonathan sims #rambles #jarchivist #tma jon #im horrified at this btw #they both arrived in wet cardboard boxes #they both rock forest green jumpers

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mad3lyncline · 2 months ago

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𝒀𝑶𝑼'𝑳𝑳 𝑩𝑬 𝑨𝑳𝑹𝑰𝑮𝑯𝑻 𝑲𝑰𝑫 𝑺𝑻𝑨𝑹𝑻𝑬𝑹𝑺 – 𝑷𝑨𝑹𝑻 𝑻𝑯𝑹𝑬𝑬 . starters taken from the 2024 album 'you'll be alright, kid' by alex warren . adjust pronouns as necessary !

𝒄𝒉𝒂𝒔𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒔𝒉𝒂𝒅𝒐𝒘𝒔

i'm homesick for somewhere that doesn't exist .

it's like you've been replaced by home video tapes .

sun goes up then the sun goes down .

your shadow gets longer on the ground .

and it's all for what , 'cause you're not around .

but i still hope i make you proud .

i'm running after something .

i'm trying to catch your ghost .

i'm holding onto pictures and the smell of your clothes .

feel you slipping through my fingers .

i know i'll never reach you but you're part of me , i can't let you go .

i just keep on chasing shadows of you .

i'm homesick for conversations i would avoid .

i miss the sound of your voice .

it's like you've been replaced by a tattoo of your name .

said goodbye , wasn't ready yet .

i only see you in this silhouette .

now there's nothing but a shadow left .

𝒚𝒂𝒓𝒅 𝒔𝒂𝒍𝒆

i put a sign on a telephone pole with the address below .

i wrote the time and i circled in bold 'everything must go' .

every perfect memory , stacked in boxes on the street .

take what's left of you and me .

all the love is gone .

i tried to call but you didn't call back .

come and get your things .

i thought about just striking a match .

it's hard to burn a memory .

i don't want them anymore 'cause it's just too hard .

let it all fall down .

every empty picture frame , all the shit that i tried to save .

name your price , you can have my pain .

i wish that i could wish you well .

i got no sympathy to sell .

i hope you're happy with yourself .

it's time to empty out the place i used to love – but now i hate .

𝒚𝒐𝒖'𝒍𝒍 𝒃𝒆 𝒂𝒍𝒓𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕 𝒌𝒊𝒅

i wish i had the number to my younger self .

you've lost more than most people do .

you don't know it now , but there's still more to lose .

friends move away and people get older .

your heart's gonna break over and over .

you're not to blame , so don't blame yourself .

i hope this helps .

you're gonna ask why , you're gonna want answers .

you're gonna feel like no one ever understands .

hate to be the one to tell you this , but you'll be alright , kid .

i wish you knew the feeling wasn't permanent .

i wish you knew your brother would come back again .

time does heal , but don't heal everything .

you might care less about what they think .

stop trying to impress the people who leave .

it scares you to death , but don't take it hard .

growing up's not easy , but it's gonna get better .

you'll be alright , kid .

#mine.#meme.#rp meme #indie rp memes #rp starters #rp sentence starters #indie rp prompts #rp prompts #rp prompt #rp sentence meme #sentence starters #sentence meme #rp ask meme #roleplay memes #alex warren meme #alex warren lyric meme #lyric meme #lyric prompts

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autistichalsin · 2 months ago

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I hate watching my parents get old and I hate leaving my visits and I hate that every time I do i'm terrified one of them won't be there when I come back and I hate that when I said this all they could say was "I want to promise you nothing bad will happen but we're at an age and state of health where nothing is guaranteed, but I can tell you I feel okay right now" instead of a nicer promise they couldn't keep, because RN I'd rather a nice lie than the truth and I know they aren't like actively dying but they're old and not in the best of health, and I keep feeling like I want to move in to take care of them but I know I can't for a hundred reasons but what else can I do? Stay here knowing that one day THAT might happen and I won't be there? What if something awful happens and we never get to say goodbye or they're in pain and it's something that could have been prevented?

Five years ago I just felt homesick/lonely when I'd leave these visits, now every time a voice in the back of my head gets scared it'll be the last time I see them and I don't know what to do about it and I hate that my therapist had to stop seeing me once I moved because I really would like to talk to her right now!!!!

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nekodere07 · 5 months ago

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Can you guys recommend me Evil X centric fics? And provide a summary and major spoiler to convince me to read them? I listed the ones below that I discovered/read so far, so you don't need to recommend them again. It also functions as me recommending stuff to EX enjoyers :D

Asking for Nothing by mayflowers fr "i can be the one you call" series (Evil X redemption saga after traumatizing Keralis w/ Zed's help; you need to read everything for context since it has diff events and has continuity) ✨

Anthophobia by residentevilxisuma (Evil X has platonic Hanahaki disease) ✨

Make Me Hurt, Make Me Bleed by residentevilxisuma (Reaper Evil X got tortured by Mumbo but doesn't have physical scars due to his regeneration, but it's been hiatus/discontinued since 2021 😭) ✨

residentevilxisuma's Reaper AU by residentevilxisuma (collection of Evil X reaper au)

Another Chance by Ronin_Resistance fr "Void Medic EX" series (Evil X is in charge of respawn while in the void)

Homesick by Inquillitory (Evil X redemption arc after being indirectly responsible for s8's doom)

Can't Even Hear My Own Sobs by GoodTimeWithCip (EX has meltdown after being ripped fr the void)

Here is Home by Shrug (Icynightsky) (not centric but major role; Evil X rescues Impulse fr the void who was banned due to Imposter Syndrome)

The betrayal of brothers doesn't mean the betrayal of others. by JustAnotherMutantKid (Evil X was banned by Xisuma for not doing what he wants but got help by Team ZIT + Wels)

The Road to Hell (Is Paved with Good Intentions) by Random_Reviewer (not centric but antagonist; Evil X tortures Etho and streamed it for the Hermits to see)

this is about a stuffed bird by Bee_4 (downloaded it but didn't have the motivation to read since MCD)

The Hermits And The Mystery of How Evil X Eats by thatgirlfromasgard (not centric; like the title suggests)

it takes two to play (the game of mutual secrecy) by kiwinatorwaffles fr "the hermitcraft hero au (VDHAU)" series (Evil X vigilante due to admiration of a hero, not knowing it was his older brother Xisuma, and those two were just oblivious to each other's identity when all their friends already figured it out a long time ago) ✨

Late Night Visits by Lackyducks (not centric but major role; Evil X sends a stressed Xisuma to Scar since he can't shapeshift back)

Family Revelation series by PickleGirl23 (Exil X found and adopted Grian as his son; didn't continue the series tho since they crossover w/ DSMP)

Iron Bleeds Green by MawoftheMagnetar (not centric but major role; X and EX were formerly the same person but separated due to a tech fr their home planet, and an individual fr there was hunting both of them down)

Cat Among Pigeons by qvill (Evil X was spit out by the Rift after being void banned, shapeshifts into a cat so no one will know it's him)

Love Me Like I'm Dead by Dani_ofCrows (ongoing; major role; X and EX were secretly some kind of creature but X keeps it a secret fr the Hermits until this was forced to be discovered, Hermits shortly realized that both siblings have Hanahaki disease)

I'll Take You By The Hand by ScarletHalo (Evil X was captured by the Watchers but Grian helped w/ his injuries until Xisuma comes to theit rescue)

Words Are Hard by BDbSafe4U (BlueDblue62) (depressed Evil X can't communicate how much he was hurting to X until he tried to off himself in Decked Out)

voidfishing, the new sport that nobody regretted partaking in (eventually, anyway) by kiwinatorwaffles (major role; Xisuma fishes out kid Evil X out of the void)

Well well, look who's inside again by rorythewriter (ongoing; Evil X is freed fr the void but has amnesia and is suicidal due to the pain fr sensory deprivation/overload, EX and Zed friendship for the win)

Cold and broken and hurt (Warm and healed and protected) by Moonflowers24 (EX disappeared in s8 and was stuck in the void until s10, assumed X hated him since he banned him to the void again and never responded to their texts)

A Nether Return by Sharo (EX glitch spawned in the 1.16 Nether after being banned, got sick but was taken care of by team ZIT and Zed got pissed after discovering X banned EX)

#evil xisuma #hermitcraft #hermitblr #ao3 fanfic #fanfiction #fanfiction recommendation #someone recommend me fics i'm desperate :(

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allyriadayne · 10 months ago

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Can you talk more about your house Dayne headcanons? Especially if it's anything about Allyria or Ashara.

hiii sure, though some of them i've already written about here.

okay... let's see. i like to think ashara was younger than elia by more than a few years, the younger of elia's ladies and the only one who could entertain her and make her laugh when elia was in the worse of her pains (some kind of chronic illness?). very lively and carefree, the complete opposite of arthur who was too intense and serious for normal people. i am 100% behind tumblr user mylestoyne's version of arthur and i would not change a thing. i'm obsessed (if you search my arthur tag i'm sure i've reblogged some posts about it). i see her as deeply empathetic and sensitive.

i like the contrast of arthur being too enmeshed in the targ conspiracies while ashara is living the highborn single lady life in the capital, too worried about elia's moods than about aerys or the other lords. though while she was afraid of (and for) arthur, i think she was fascinated by him and could not make herself turn away. let me explain, being the sword of the morning is the top of the top, instant celebrity status, mythic hero sense of destiny. and i think having your brother become and embody this type of role is A Lot. esp bc arthur must have been facing the horrors of whether he was Worthy of wielding dawn and because i don't think he ever let himself be human, not before gaining down and not ever after. growing up with legends of swords of the morning fucks you up, it's like aegon the conqueror suddenly appearing to the targs. like. it's the SWORD that funded your HOUSE, the magic FALLING STAR embodied in the brother ashara always thought was more than human (or less?!?!?!?!). and while she chafed against arthur's bonds, i don't think it

in any case, i think ashara was a very social person, feeding from her connections and when she was sent (in disgrace?) back to starfall after getting pregnant, cut off from her friends and court, to the castle where only her little sister resided was very hard. now her baby is dead, her /brother/ is dead, lord dayne is still in the war, elia dead.... well. i could see her not having anything else to cling to.

i headcanon allyria was either the daughter of a second marriage or a very accidental baby because of the difference in ages between her and her siblings. i like to think her mother was an allyrion of godsgrace that felt very homesick and named her daughter in reference to her former house. of course she was the baby and of course she was spoiled esp because her older siblings were not in starfall at all (edric's dad serving the martells in sunspear, and arthur & ashara in the capital). she's the one who knows the castle best of all because she's never left it, a point of pride and of resentment. and speaking of resentment, while she was happy to see ashara come back to have her baby in dorne, she 100% hated her after she threw herself from the palestone sword tower partly bc as a child she didn't understand why ashara would leave her.

allyria never got on with her oldest brother that well, a massive age difference and the disparity in grief (he remembered ashara and arthur and loved them while allyria never really knew them) didn't help to make them closer, not even when they were the only ones inhabiting starfall after the rebellion. i headcanon allyria as somewhat an odd child to the adults around her, by all technicalities an only child, priding herself in her independence but yearning for company. lord dayne seeing this and not wanting her to grow alone he brings gerold from high hermitage (gerold's mother was a dayne from starfall) and they form a friendship. very pure and very healthy except when gerold needs to gain his spurs and thinks of himself as the man of the castle bc lord dayne as his knight master is too sick to perform the usual lordly tasks like ridding the lands from outlaws or performing justice. this i think contributes to his sense of importance and wanting the sword etc (he leaves starfall bc he starts hating lord dayne's weakness and allyria's passivity in this issue, he also needs to make a name for himself away from this).

allyria loves babies and when ned is born it's like the sun is, too. ned can't leave her and ned will love her for who she is and will not be as bigheaded as gerold. ned adores her in return. in my other post i explained my reasoning behind her betrothal to beric dondarrion, adding to this lord dayne and beric's dad might have been war buddies during the greyjoy rebellion and seen in him and his son people he could trust his sister and heir in case of his death. i don't think allyria seriously loved beric, i don't even think they met more than once or twice, but i do think she was deeply affected by the news of his "death" more for ned than for her being unwed now. she's become too used to be alone.

some made up miscellanea:

i know house jordayne is named for robert jordan the fantasy author but i like to think it's a stark-karstark situation with the daynes.

house dayne of high hermitage was created after davos dayne married nymeria of ny sar as a favor to him and his siblings.

dyanna dayne was also myriah martell's youngest lady and she and maekar fell in love. there was not meant to be another targ-dornish marriage due to the tensions but neither daeron nor myriah could separate them.

i like "fallen and reborn" for their house words bc it's the name of one of the first official visual art i saw of them back in the day. it also goes nicely with the mythical origin of their house.

#ask #anonymous #im sure i forgot something #valyrianscrolls #house dayne #ashara dayne #arthur dayne #allyria dayne #gerold dayne #edric dayne #fallen and reborn #asoiaf

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ofdragonsdeep · 3 months ago

Text

2: Horizon

Where the sky and sea meet.

(technically spoilers for the very very first quest of Dawntrail)

Preparations for the trip had taken a long time.

Ships did not often sail to Tural, even though they were tentatively more open to trade than before. On top of that, the unusual nature of their party made negotiating fare a difficult prospect.

Krile had very patiently dealt with a number of ship captains who were not, despite their assurances, ready for the bulk of Stoh Oosh. While she was quite content to fly when the sun was up, the night demanded a place to rest, and the decks of many of the little merchant vessels simply couldn't hold her. That was the line for many of the captains, but after that, Krile also had to ensure they could get Haurchefant and his wheelchair up on to the deck, despite his assurances that he would be able to manage.

Ar'telan, who knew very little about money and the price such services might demand, had steered well clear of the whole thing. All he knew was that, by the time they boarded the ship, Krile was already exhausted, and Wuk Lamat was incredibly antsy to be off.

It was a little strong to say that Ar'telan hated ships, but he was not overly fond of them. Ever since his first ill-fated trip from Meracydia, it seemed that every boat he set foot on wanted to take him into one terrible situation or another. He could count on one hand the normal boat rides he had taken - and even then, on some of them he had been subject to some very unorthodox visits.

He sat on the deck, back to one of the masts, trying to keep his distance from the footfall of the sailors working on the rigging. He looked out to sea, and fancied he could feel the air get a little warmer. He hadn't been anywhere with a climate close to Meracydia's - even the South Sea Isles only came close. The bottom of Tural, if the maps he had been shown were accurate, would be similar, but they were headed to the middle for the start of Wuk Lamat's succession bid.

He did not want to be here.

"The morose look doesn't suit you, Ar'telan."

Mitron sat beside him, not even asking if he could. That was fairly normal for him, to be fair, so Ar'telan did not protest.

"I have things on my mind, that's all."

Mitron followed his gaze out, the sea stretching on. There was nothing to see, of course - they were far past land by now, and it would be some days yet before they approached Tural. Mitron, of course, had not come to help Wuk Lamat with her problem. He had come for the fishing, and the incredibly important job of moral support.

"You don't do well when they give you breaks, do you?" he said, an amused tone in his voice. "It'll be fine." He glanced over to Wuk Lamat, who was leaning over the side of the boat and completely failing to hide the nausea. "Probably." Ar'telan grimaced.

"It's not about that. I don't really know enough to worry about that yet, to be honest," he confessed. "I'm just… homesick." Mitron made a thoughtful noise under his breath at that.

"I don't think anyone would complain if you went home, you know," he said. Ar'telan shook his head.

"It's… complicated. It feels too final."

Mitron's eyes travelled from the sky to the dragons. Stoh Oosh was rippling through the water below them, but Orn Mahr and Moh Rhei were both at the prow of the ship, enjoying the winds.

"Yeah. I can imagine."

There was a silence between them then, but it wasn't strained. The sound of the wind and the shouts of the sailors at work rang out on either side, and Ar'telan let himself think.

Meracydia would not hate him for what he had been party to. Tiamat knew. Midgardsormr knew. Vrtra knew. The layers of pain that made up what had become of Nidhogg were complex, and he could not articulate it to his fellow mortals well enough for them to forgive the crime. But the dragons did, even if he didn't think they should have.

Perhaps that was it. He didn't think they should have.

It had been so long ago now that the pain had faded, but it had been so hard. He had heard the judgement in Hraesvelgr's voice, the fact that it was the fault of mortals that Nidhogg had to be stopped at all. That even though Midgardsormr had seen it for what it was, it still hurt.

He had wrung a promise from Estinien that he would not kill Nidhogg, and in the end, it had been false. Ysayle had fallen into a despair that matched Hraesvelgr's for so long that he had worried she would never rouse from it. He had eked ilm by painful ilm across the war-scarred fields of Coerthas so desperately never harming a dragon, and then they had faced Tioman on the mount.

It is like Tempering, they had said.

But it was not.

And even if the dragons had forgiven him, he had never forgiven himself.

All of his life he had held in his heart that there was nothing more sacrosanct than the life of a dragon. It was the epitome of Allag's evil - to kill Bahamut, to drive the others to desperate summoning, to damn all but a few to the Tempering. To trap his twisted idol in perpetual agony. He had all but wept when he had found the engine of prayer in the heart of Dalamud's workings. And there he was, on what had once been Allagan soil, commiting once more the sins of Allag.

To go home with it weighing on him felt like a betrayal of his people. And even if he could make peace with it, Meracydia would not feel the same as it had when he had left. He had changed too much now. He had been a fire keeper, a potwatch, the one who wrangled unruly kits. And now he was a godslayer.

He hadn't wanted any of it. But nobody in his position had ever asked for it.

"You know, I think it'll be good for everyone here," Mitron remarked. "A real adventure, you know? I'm not sure any of your little team have had the chance for one in a while." Ar'telan considered the statement.

"It would be nice to explore without the fate of the world on my head," he agreed. Mitron smiled at that, eyes on the sea once more.

"It'll do that stuffy elf- elezen, sorry, still got the First in my head - some good to see new places," he added. Ar'telan made an amused noise.

"Of all the elezen to call that, I'm not sure Haurchefant is the one you want," he replied. "But you're right. Maybe I'll call it an adventure."

"Just don't forget to call me if the fishing is good," Mitron said, a cheeky grin on his face.

"I would never forget."

#warrior of light (solo story)#ffxivwrite2024 #apparently this is the complicated feelings about Meracydia month huh #Mitron is just here to fish #any potential blue magery that results is an accident

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falloutboylyricss · 2 months ago

Text

Fall Out Boy and Numbers

note: this post does not include the phrase "no one", ordinal numbers (first, second, third, etc.), or adverbial numbers (once, twice, thrice, etc.)

Evening Out With Your Girlfriend

"Like the oldest movie I ever saw was the one we wrote together" - Honorable Mention

"The only girl who ever gave me the time was the one who only wanted five minutes of mine" - Pretty In Punk

The World's Not Waiting (For Five Tired Boys In A Broken Down Van) (title only)

"Start the van, get me out of this one horse town" - The World's Not Waiting (For Five Tired Boys In A Broken Down Van)

"Excuse me if I'm rude, but I'd rather that we just strike from the record ones I'd see again without you" - Moving Pictures

"'Go to hell' is all I thought for seven weeks, but I grew out of that phase" - Moving Pictures

Take This to Your Grave

"Light that smoke, that one for giving up on me, and one just 'cause they'll kill you sooner than my expectations" - Tell That Mick He Just Made My List of Things to Do Today

"This is side one, flip me over" - Dead on Arrival

"In the meantime, I'll sport my brand new fashion of waking up with pants on at four in the afternoon" - Grand Theft Autumn / Where Is Your Boy

"And I'm coasting on potential towards a wall at a hundred miles an hour" - Saturday

"Two more weeks, my foot is in the door" - Saturday

"Tonight I'm writing you a million miles away" - Homesick at Space Camp

"Hating that look that's on your face that says there's another fool like me, there's one born every minute" - Calm Before the Storm

"A failure at everything, eighteen going on extinct" - Reinventing the Wheel to Run Myself Over

From Under The Cork Tree

"It's just past eight, and I'm feeling young and reckless" - Our Lawyer Made Us Change The Name Of This Song So We Wouldn't Get Sued

"I'm two quarters and a heart down, and I don't wanna forget how your voice sounds" - Dance, Dance

"I'll be your number one with a bullet" - Sugar, We're Goin' Down

"Don't mind me, I'm watching you two from the closet" - Sugar, We're Goin' Down

"And if you say this makes you happy, then I'm not the only one lying" - Nobody Puts Baby In The Corner

7 Minutes In Heaven (Atavan Halen) (title only)

"I'm sleeping my way out of this one with anyone who'll lie down / I'll be stuck fixated on one star when the world is crashing down" - 7 Minutes In Heaven (Atavan Halen)

"'Oh yeah, you caught me!', but I caught you one worse" - Champagne For My Real Friends, Real Pain For My Sham Friends

A Little Less Sixteen Candles, A Little More "Touch Me" (title only)

"Your secret's out and the best part is it isn't even a good one" - Get Busy Living Or Get Busy Dying (Do Your Part To Save The Scene And Stop Going To Shows)

"From day one, I talked about getting out" - Get Busy Living Or Get Busy Dying (Do Your Part To Save The Scene And Stop Going To Shows)

"Your remorse hasn't fallen on deaf ears, rather ones that just don't care" - My Heart Is The Worst Kind Of Weapon

Infinity On High

"Cry on the couch, all the poets come to life, fix me in forty-five" - Thriller

"And it's me and my plus one at the afterlife" - Thriller

"Every last time I come home, I take my last chance to burn a bridge or two" - I'm Like A Lawyer With The Way I'm Always Trying To Get You Off (Me & You)

"The best way to make it through with hearts and wrists intact is to realize two out of three ain't bad" - I'm Like A Lawyer With The Way I'm Always Trying To Get You Off (Me & You)

"And one day we'll get nostalgic for disaster" - Hum Hallelujah

"One foot in your bedroom and one foot out the door" - Hum Hallelujah

"One night and one more time, thanks for the memories, even though they weren't so great" - Thnks fr th Mmrs

"One night stand, one night stand off" - Thnks fr th Mmrs

"They say I only think in the form of crunching numbers / In hotel rooms, collecting page six lovers" - Thnks fr th Mmrs

"Take two years and call me when you're better" - The Carpal Tunnel Of Love

"The D.A. is dressed to the nines, in the mirror, he practices all his lines / To his closing argument, twelve hearts beat in favor" - You're Crashing, But You're No Wave

"He glances at his peers sitting seven to twelve stacked on one to six, the gallery is hushed / Boys in three pieces dream of grandstanding and bravado" - You're Crashing, But You're No Wave

"Take one for the team, you all know what I mean" - I've Got All This Ringing In My Ears And None On My Fingers

"I'm the only one who's gonna get away with making excuses today" - It's Hard To Say "I Do", When I Don't

"But the only ring I want buried with me are the ones around my eyes" - It's Hard To Say "I Do", When I Don't

Folie à Deux

"And when the two collide, it's no coincidence the lights are on and everybody's home" - She's My Winona

"Even the young ones become irrelevant, they always bring up how you changed" - She's My Winona

"Down, set, one, hut, hut, hike, media blitz" - America's Suitehearts

"And all I can think of is the way I'm the one who charmed the one who gave up on you" - What A Catch, Donnie

27 (title only)

"Oh, three, two, one, we go live" - Tiffany Blews

"I'm a young one stuck in the thoughts of an old one's head" - w.a.m.s.

20 Dollar Nose Bleed (title only)

"It feels like fourteen carats, but no clarity when I look at the man who would be king" - 20 Dollar Nose Bleed

"Only one book really matters, the rest of the proof is on the television" - 20 Dollar Nose Bleed

"Don't feel bad for the suicidal cats, gotta kill themselves nine times before they get it right" - West Coast Smoker

"Knock once for the father, twice for the son, three times for the Holy Ghost" - West Coast Smoker

"The drums are four on the floor / She's back to the bathroom for one more" - Pavlove

"It's three drinks too late to talk to anyone but myself / It's a three-and-two pitch to walk to anywhere else" - Pavlove

Save Rock And Roll

"One maniac at a time, we will take it back" - The Phoenix

"I don't know where you're going, but do you got room for one more troubled soul?" - Alone Together

"So let's fade away together one dream at a time" - Where Did The Party Go

"I'd trade all my tomorrows for just one yesterday" - Just One Yesterday

"Find yourself a new gig, this town ain't big enough for two of us" - Just One Yesterday

"Did you trip down twelve steps into Malibu?" - The Mighty Fall

"But if you ask me, two's a whole lot lonelier than one" - The Mighty Fall

"I know I'm the one you want to forget" - Miss Missing You

"She's his suicide blonde, she's number than gold" - Rat A Tat

"Are you ready for another bad poem? One more off-key anthem" - Rat A Tat

"But I'll take your heart served up two ways" - Rat A Tat

PAX AM Days

"Our days were never numbered, this is eternal summer" - Eternal Summer

"I have three drinks before I even start to count" - Caffeine Cold

American Beauty/American Psycho

"And this one might be a battle, might not turn out okay" - Irresistible

"You know I give my love a f-f-four letter name" - Irresistible

"And just one mistake is all it will take" - Centuries

"The blood of the lamb is worth two lions, but here I am" - Uma Thurman

"I'm the last one that you'll ever remember / And I'm trying to find my peace of mind behind these two white highway lines" - Jet Pack Blues

"I say, one day the valley's gonna swallow me whole" - Novocaine

"My nine to five is cutting open old scars again and again 'til I'm stuck in your head" - Fourth Of July

MANIA

"I'm here in search of your glory, there's been a million before me / That ultra kind of love you never walk away from, you're just the last of the real ones" - The Last Of The Real Ones

"Just tell me, tell me, tell me I, I am the only one, even if it's not true, even if it's not true" - The Last Of The Real Ones

"You were the only one that even kinda came close" - HOLD ME TIGHT OR DON'T

"One look from you and I'm on that faded love" - Heaven's Gate

"You're the one habit I just can't kick" - Heaven's Gate

So Much (For) Stardust

"Thaw out my freezer burn feelings for twenty summers" - Hold Me Like a Grudge

"6 AM, Mulholland Drive, Moonlight Sonata and I" - Heaven, Iowa

"I carved out a place in this world for two, but it's empty without you" - Flu Game

"One day, every candle's gotta run out of wax / One day, no one will remember me when they look back" - Flu Game

"Orange leaves, but we're the ones falling off trees / The first time I took the mask off, just had another one on underneath" - Baby Annihilation

"I spent ten years, ten years in a bit of chemical haze" - The Kintsugi Kid (Ten Years)

"It breaks your heart, but four of the Ramones are dead" - The Kintsugi Kid (Ten Years)

"Sometimes, you wonder if we're ever looking back at a picture of 2019" - What a Time To Be Alive

Misc.

"One awkward silence and two hopes you cry yourself to sleep staying up waiting by the phone" - Yule Shoot Your Eye Out

"You're the one true thing, you're the one" - City In A Garden

"Another trip around the sun, it was a good one" - Dear Future Self (Hands Up)

"I know this one for a fact, my phone, they got it on tap" - Dear Future Self (Hands Up)

"Fyre Fest, Black Parade, Michael Phelps, Y2K" - We Didn't Start The Fire

"Michael Jordan, 23, YouTube killed MTV" - We Didn't Start The Fire

"Michael Jordan, 45, Woodstock '99" - We Didn't Start The Fire

#fall out boy #fall out boy lyrics #fob #fob lyrics #lyrics #patrick stump #pete wentz #joe trohman #andy hurley

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indigo-anonymous · 7 months ago

Note

I’d love to hear which other songs brain rot you for the fic!!

Yippee!! Time for the Splinter Fractures brainrot song list (which is by no means definitive and can be expanded at any time)! Buckle up, because it's gonna be a long post (I'm halfway finishing this in drafts and it's SO LONG already). I want to go over my favourite lyrics for each of them :D

I'll go over the two that were brought up previously first, to get those out of the way. All links lead to YouTube videos of the songs, since I know not everyone has Spotify.

Just A Man from Epic the Musical - Personally I see this as Sinner!Adam singing to Charlie (mayhaps during one of their sessions?) Some of these thoughts on the lyrics aren't specifically Splinter Fractures (that goes for all of them) but in part my own interpretation of (sinner) Adam :)

I look into your eyes and I think back to the son of mine (Abel) You're as old as he was when I left for war (When he was killed by Cain) Will these actions haunt my days? (nightmares eyyy) Every man I've slain Is the price I pay endless pain? Close your eyes, and spare yourself the view How could I hurt you? (Charlie is like the perfect blend of both her parents, both people he loved. This would be less of a question abt the future and more of a "why did I do that?")

I'm just a man, who's trying to go home Even after all the years away from what I've known (he's homesick for Eden, when everything was still good and happy) I'm just a man who's fighting for his life Deep down I would trade the world to see my son and wife (Beneath everything, he just misses being with the people he cares about)

But when does a comet become a meteor? When does a candle become a blaze? When does a man become a monster? When does a ripple become a tidal wave? When does the reason become the blame? When does a man become a monster? (Everything slowly going wrong, and losing control, to the point where he becomes the monster, the leader of exterminations, killing millions for the protection of heaven.)

I'm just a man... (He needs Charlie to recognise that he's only human. He's not an angel, not someone incredible powerful or untouchable. He's just a man, and he has made a lot of mistakes, because making mistakes is human... But simultaneously, this is regret, and an admittance to himself. He doesn't want to be human. He wishes he was an untouchable angel, but he's not.)

- • -

Monster from Epic the Musical - I've talked about this one in a different post already, so you know the brainrot is reallll. To me this song kind of tells the story of Adam becoming the Lead Exorcist. How he basically gave up his humanity to protect Heaven, both out of a sense of duty and because the people up there (his kids) matter to him and he's afraid of seeing them get hurt.

How has everything been turned against us? How did suffering become so endless? (When they got kicked out of Eden, the rest of their mortal lives was him and Eve against the barren world, nigh endless suffering was their punishment) How am I to reunite with my estranged? (As much as he hates Lilith and Lucifer for abandoning him and making him out to be the villain, he still missed them) Do I need to change? (He believes himself to be the problem)

What if I'm the monster? What if I'm in the wrong? What if I'm the problem that's been hiding all along? What if I'm the one who killed you Every time I caved to guilt? (Cain and Abel </3)

The in-between part here is specific examples from Epic, but there's plenty of similar stories to Adam. Was Lilith wrong to take the apple or was she actually being trapped here by the angels? Was Lucifer wrong for choosing her side, or was he just taking care of someone he loved? Were the angels wrong for kicking him and Eve out of Eden, or did they deserve it?

If I became the monster, and threw that guilt away Would that make us stronger? Would it keep our foes at bay? (This is Adam suggesting the exterminations after the initial uprising. He doesn't really want it to happen, but he feels like it's a necessary evil to keep his loved ones safe) If I became the monster to everyone but us And made sure we got home again Who would care if we're unjust? (His reasoning for why the exterminations aren't evil or unjust: they attacked us first, I'm making sure they can't hurt us again. Especially personal in Splinter Fractures because he just had to see Abel die for a second time) If I became the monster...

I actually drew this part because the brainrot was getting to me. I don't love how it turned out but I spent hours making it so I might as well put it here 0_o

Then I'll become the Monster I will deal the blow And I'll become the Monster Like none they've ever known So what if I'm the Monster Lurking deep below? I must become the Monster And then we'll make it home (again, he feels like it's something he has to do to keep people safe. To some degree he blames himself for Eden, and original sin, and this is him taking responsibility for what he believes to be his mistakes. He's aware of how all of Hell will perceive him if he does this, and he chooses to do it anyway)

- • -

Don't Save Me by Chxrlotte - Ah yes, a song about giving up, and asking people to just let you drown in your pain. Very much a song of self-loathing which is so Adam to me, especially in Splinter Fractures.

I came from the darkness, hiding on my own Like rain thoughts are harmless, leave me here alone The waking nightmares aren't as bad as dreaming, I suppose (life is a nightmare but the sleeping nightmares are worse)

Maybe I'm wretched and deserve this, I don't know (Adam questioning if maybe he really has been evil all along, it's not like he knows why he's in hell to begin with...) Don't save me, I'm almost glad if this is how I go (Ah... wishing for death... almost)

Look into my eyes And tell me what you see A demon in disguise Pretending to be me (hmmm that mirror scene. Also this is very What Lute Sees and convinces herself to believe. That it's not really him, but rather a demon pretending to be Adam) Bury your surprise And listen carefully He lives inside my mind He'll never let me free (Being trapped by your own thoughts, the insecurities will never leave Adam alone! They'll stick with him forever, buried so deep in his soul that he's unlovable, that everyone leaves, that no matter what anyone says, he's just broken.)

The wasteland never ends and it's killing me Wait and count to ten, but I'll never be Able to live, I can't seem to breathe (just a case of the 'shakes' right? Definitely not a panic attack /s) I'll die fading carefully so don't save me (this whole song is about refusing help, which is exactly what Splinter!Adam did practically every time. He only accepted it when the alternative was living on the streets of Hell and all the horrifying shit that comes with that)

Standing on the edge, it's darker now And it's in my head, I can't hear a sound Facing the storm, I'm cast out at sea I'll drown eventually so don't save me (Adam very much believes that at some point he'll just be kicked out again. That this is all temporary, and eventually he'll drown)

I can't live anymore and I'm the one to blame At night my thoughts, they scare me I can't face another day (I feel like I don't need to repeat myself too much. Blaming himself for things that are, in actuality, not really his fault)

Don't save me I think I'm in hell These walls are talking I can tell I've bathed in fire since I fell Don't leave me on my own (this is right at the start of the fic. He's been in Hell for a while and it has damaged him, he finally reaches out for help for the first time, almost begging Lucifer not to just leave him on his own there, and it kickstarts his way out of his hell-spiral)

- • -

Enemy by Imagine Dragons (solo version) - My favourite on this list, to the point where I want to make an animatic of it so badly but I do not have the time or energy to do so. The lyrics just follow the story of Splinter Fractures so well!!! (I had this one in my brain early, so it's far more focussed on the start of the story)

I wake up to the sounds of the silence that allows For my mind to run around with my ear up to the ground I'm searching to behold the stories that are told When my back is to the world that was smiling when I turned (He wakes up in Hell, and the irony is laughable to everyone who recognises him (just Lucifer at the start, Vaggie and to some degree Charlie later))

Tell you you're the greatest But once you turn, they hate us (this one's all heaven, most evident in Lute and Sera. They tell him he's the best, the first man, absolutely great! ...until he becomes a sinner. Then he's nothing but a lowly demon to them, they treat him with disgust at best, and outright hatred at worse)

Oh, the misery Everybody wants to be my enemy Spare the sympathy (Same as before, asking Lucifer to not leave him there. Asking for the slightest drop of sympathy (he only gets it when he has a panic attack after)) Everybody wants to be my enemy (Everyone in Hell hates him for the exterminations, everyone in Heaven hates him for being a demon now. He's got no allies, only enemies)

Your words up on thе wall as you're prayin' for my fall (every sinner, especially those in the hotel, wanted him dead. They were, in a sense, praying for his fall, and they got it) And the laughter in thе halls and the names that I've been called (I can definitely imagine Adam being insecure enough that he always feels like people are laughing at him and mocking him behind his back)

They say pray it away I swear, that I'll never be a saint, no way (Adam is aware enough of his flaws to know he'll never be good enough to be redeemed into Heaven) A chair in the corner is my place I stay I shake and I think about the powers at play, the powers at play (his deal with Lucifer, knowing that a single wrong move will get him kicked back out onto Hell's streets, it absolutely terrifies him) And the kids in the dark that were doomed from the start The child in the basement, face to the pavement Oh, what a statement, love is embracement Love is a constant, love is a basis (there's a lot of different ways to interpret those last few lines: Adam believing the hotel is doomed (which he does), his feelings on the loss of Abel (twice), the fact that he still loves people, again and again, that he keeps trying even though they always leave him (ouch)) He cannot be, she cannot be, they cannot be changed, but keep on praying (He doesn't believe the hotel will ever truly work. One redeemed sinner is probably a fluke. Sinners can't change and become better... right?)

Goodbye (haha that scene in the lobby of the Heaven Embassy hahahaha... </3)

- • -

What Could Have Been by Sting ft. Ray Chen - This one is a lot more recent. Very much focussed around the chapters where they discuss Eden, and the story of Eden in general. It hurts to listen to sometimes, and has made me cry more than once (/pos)

I am the monster you created You ripped out all my parts (Lilith and Lucifer abandoning Adam broke his heart, absolutely shattered him. They are a large part of the why Adam is 'the monster' that everyone sees him as) And worst of all, for me to live, I gotta kill the part of me that saw That I needed you more (His approach to Lilith wanting to leave him was to pretend he didn't want her either. That he didn't care about her or Lucifer, or whatever happened to them)

I hope you know we had everything And you broke me and left these pieces (Them leaving, and especially Lucifer's words about how everyone will pick anyone else than him, definitely broke him to pieces. He was left to put himself back together, but he never truly healed right) I want you to hurt like you hurt me today and I want you to lose like I lose when I play what could have been (His response to Lilith being made infertile may have been harsh, but it was understandably bitter, as a response to the pain they caused him first)

Why don't you love who I am? What we could have been? (Lilith loving Lucifer instead of him, and the two of them choosing to leave together, rather than stay with him. I can imagine it felt to Adam like there was something wrong with him, that he already felt unlovable even before Lucifer rubbed salt in the wound with his later comment/curse)

I am your ghost, a fallen angel (Adam's appearance in Splinter Fractures certainly looks ghostly) You ripped out all my parts I couldn't care what invention you made me 'Cause I, I was meant to be yours (He firmly believed that him and Lilith were meant to be together forever, that's what made her rejection hurt as much as it did. They were literally made for each other, but Lilith still didn't want him)

- • -

That's it, that's the list (for now)! This post is so fucking long aaaaaa. I hope you like it anyways, and if you don't go through all of the lyrics that's fine, thanks for asking anyways <3

Indigo (finally got this out of drafts)

#adam hazbin hotel #adamsapple #hazbin hotel lucifer #splinter fractures fic #epic the musical songs #goodness this is... something

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