#I hate making fully shaded pieces end me

[songjay-ay]

the bride and her uglyass groom

[captain-hawks]

hi dee, merry christmas eve eve.

if you’re still taking drabble requests, i propose reuniting with famous ex-bf sae at a hometown xmas party

i don’t forgive you (but please don’t hold me to it) 🎀 itoshi sae x f!reader

4k — 18+, exes to lovers, infidelity (not sae x reader’s relationship), fingering, unprotected p in v, creampie, praise kink, oral fixation, finger sucking, angst with a hopeful ending, playing fast and loose with sae’s timeline, timeskip

a/n: i listened to phoebe bridgers - punisher (the album) on repeat nonstop while writing this. recommended for the vibes!

“I knew you hated me. But I didn’t realize just how much until tonight.”

A voice interrupts the silence on the back porch of the Itoshi household, its owner someone that you’ve spent the better part of the night avoiding. Your tongue caresses the back of your teeth, fingers subtly tightening their grip against the wooden railing. 

It feels like it might snow.

“Since when do you come back here for Christmas? Did you need to come sign some hometown autographs to boost your ego?” you ask, voice dripping with sarcasm as you stare out into the dark backyard, rather than turning your gaze to the ghost now standing beside you. 

Itoshi Sae laughs, and the sound cracks against your ribcage like a whip.

It reverberates against the grooves and fissures that still linger there, ones that might as well have been carved by his own hand. It races through you like a cold wind. It makes your lungs burn. 

You find it difficult to breathe for a moment.

And it takes everything in you to appear as unbothered by it all as you wish you were. As you’d like him to believe. 

“I heard from Rin that you’re working on your master’s degree now.”

That’s not any of your goddamn business, you think to yourself. 

“Rin has a big mouth—and since when are you two on speaking terms?”

Sae shrugs, leaving you to stew for a moment as you try to decide whether or not to be annoyed that Rin neglected to share that pertinent bit of information with you.

To be fair, the nearest object usually becomes a projectile weapon by your hand whenever the mention of Rin even having a brother comes up in conversation though. 

At the very least, you’ve stayed close with one of the Itoshi brothers.

And it’s bad enough that you have to dodge Sae’s stupidly famous name like the plague any time you dare to indulge in any piece of football media for Rin’s sake. Fuck him for being so good. 

(At least, that’s what you try to tell yourself. Rather than believing the alternative—that you’re just pathetically hyper aware of Sae in his absence, of all the space he left behind in your life. That five years later, you’re still slowly bleeding out from something that shattered into so many pieces, you don’t think you’ll ever find the last sliver.)

Inhaling sharply, you finally turn to face him. 

It’s not fair, not really—what the sight of him still does to you, even now. Even after all this time. 

Sae’s hair is tousled in a purposeful way, and his eyes are still as sharp as ever. He’s wearing sleek boots and fitted, dark wash jeans, his upper half covered by a jacket that’s likely as expensive as it appears.

He looks far better than he has any right to while you’re standing out here wearing a silly, ugly Christmas sweater that’s an annual staple of Itoshi holiday parties (your parents have been neighbors with them since you were a kid, so you know the drill by now). 

You try not to think about how you fell in love for the first time with the man standing five steps away from you here, between this dark backyard and the one nestled beside it. Beneath the shade of towering oak trees, in the plush grass on warm summer days with sticky popsicle fingers and sweat-slick skin. 

About how terribly you missed him when he left for Spain.

How you didn’t fully understand what you felt until he came back to Japan after you graduated high school. 

How you fell in love with him all over again. 

How he kissed you for the first time in this very spot, with one hand on your waist and the other cupping your cheek. You remember the way this very railing felt as it pressed into your back, the humid summer air and the buzz of the cicadas and the fireflies that winked in and out of sight around you. 

How you fell a little more in love with him every day over the four years that followed.

And you remember that you were standing here when Sae called you five years ago and told you that he’d cancelled his flight. That he wouldn’t be home for Christmas. 

That he didn’t think things were working anymore.

You couldn’t have disagreed more, but he didn’t give you a chance to argue. 

“Why are you here, Sae?”

He looks out into the darkness beyond in the yard before turning back to you. “Rin said you’re engaged.”

Self-consciously, you tuck the hand adorned with said diamond ring into your pocket. 

Sae’s eyes track the movement. 

“And?”

“That was quick,” he says calmly. 

The anger that rears up inside of you is so quick and sudden, you hardly have a chance to reign it in. 

“We’ve been together for two years. When you know, you know,” you shrug, ignoring the raw feeling at the back of your throat as you push the words out. 

Sae’s quiet for a moment, taking the subtle jab for what it is. “Where is he tonight?”

This time, you don’t hold back. “What, were you hoping to be politely introduced as the reason why I was a fucking emotionally unstable mess when he met me?”

His facial expression flickers. “I’m not going to apologize for not letting you continue to burn yourself out juggling a long distance relationship and a university degree between time zones. For not letting you choose me over your dream internship.”

“So you broke up with me over the phone three days before Christmas and mailed me all of my shit and went radio silent for five years? To show how much you cared about me?”

Sae takes two steps forward, shortening the distance between the two of you with tangible purpose. 

“You would have tried to talk me out of it, to come up with a solution that wouldn’t have worked.”

You nod, voice bordering on a frantic laugh. “So you made the choice for both of us. Because you know best.”

“Do you think I wasn’t hurting?”

Turning away, you wrap your arms around yourself, the cold finally seeping in past the adrenaline pumping through your veins, sinking into your bones in a way that makes you ache. 

“The only thing that could possibly hurt you is football.”

This time, it’s Sae that laughs, but it’s less amused and more self-deprecating now. And without warning, something heavy and warm settles around your shoulders, the musky scent of cologne enveloping you. 

Sae comes to stand in front of you, leaving you wearing his jacket. 

He’s wearing the goddamn stupid, ugly Christmas sweater with a dog on it that you bought for him years ago. 

“You’re wrong,” he says quietly, breath coming out as a white, whispy cloud of condensation. 

You wish you were. 

Ripping off his jacket, you shove it back into his arms before storming back inside, heart on the verge of pounding its way out of your chest and through the slats on the deck to burrow into the dirt below. 

—

You manage to avoid Sae for the next hour or so, mingling amongst other party guests and pointedly ignoring all of the excited chatter about the footballer’s festive homecoming. 

Rin doesn’t push, not in front of everyone, but you can tell by the concerned way he keeps glancing over at you that he’s aware you and Sae have talked. 

It’s only on your way to use the upstairs bathroom, hoping to glean a moment of quiet after your time out on the porch was so spectacularly ruined, that you find yourself distracted. 

There’s a dim light on in Sae’s childhood bedroom. 

And this is where he finds you again, standing frozen in the doorway and staring at the constellations projected on the walls by the small sphere-shaped lamp sitting on the desk in the corner of his room. 

The two of you used to lie on his bedroom floor for hours staring at the stars on his ceiling. 

“Does he make you happy?”

You’re expecting it this time when you hear Sae’s voice.

“Do you feel that’s any of your business?” you ask tiredly. 

He slowly walks past you into the room, sweater and jacket both seemingly discarded downstairs. He’s stripped down to a white t-shirt now, hands stuffed in the pockets of his jeans. 

“I made myself let you go so that you could be with someone who would make you as happy as you deserve. I don’t think I deserve your answer, but I’d like to know.”

You curl your toes against the carpet beneath your feet—just like you used to every time a silly teenage confession for him was trembling on the tip of your tongue. 

Your engagement ring feels cool and heavy on your finger. 

You hate him, hate this. Hate this effortless vice grip he still has on your weak heart. 

“You made me happy,” you tell him, voice hardly above a whisper. 

You hate that you know he made the right choice. 

Sae blinks. 

You would have left everything behind for him—school, your career, your future. 

You were content with weekends spent tangled up in hotel rooms between his games, with failed exams and missed assignments and a life spent in suitcases. 

“Aren’t you dating that model?” you blurt out, scrambling for something. Anything. 

He nods but doesn’t offer anything else. 

“Well, why didn’t you bring her here?” It’s a battle to keep your voice steady. 

“I didn’t want to.”

He—

“What, you didn’t want her to see you jealous if I brought my fiancé?” you joke. 

Sae lets out a huff of air—it might be a laugh.

“Something like that,” he responds quietly, gaze shifting to the window.

“Tell me why you’re here,” you say again.

The sound of voices climbing the stairs floats through the open door, and you step further into the room, pushing it closed and locking it behind you before crossing your arms. You’d rather not be interrupted by his drunk aunts. 

“I wanted to know how it would feel.”

You tilt your head. “How what would feel?”

He gestures to your hand, to the new diamond just hardly glinting in the low light. “Seeing a ring on your finger, knowing I didn’t put it there myself.”

The ground beneath your feet feels marginally less solid as your gut churns and your nerves sway. Your teeth sink into your cheek, pain blossoming as you bite down. 

“And?”

Sae runs a hand through his hair. 

“I hate it.” 

It’s blunt and raw, the way the words slide off of his tongue. And he stares at you when it says it, refusing to break eye contact. You take a step toward him, no reasonable explanation for the movement beyond the fucked up magnetism that still pulls you toward this false promise of true north. 

“Why, would you have gotten me something nicer?”

It’s dizzying, this conversation. The way words keep coming out of your mouth unbidden, filling the gaps in years worth of silence. Stroking a bruise, scraping a scar. 

“You hate gold,” he replies evenly, and your hand subconsciously goes to your neck. To where a silver chain sat for years before you finally tore it off and threw it in an envelope marked with Sae’s address. 

His eyes wordlessly track the movement. 

“Do I?”

He steps toward you, closing the dwindling gap further. And you swear you can feel it—a subtle charge in the air. 

Sae nods, reaching out to lightly take your hand in his. He holds it up to inspect. “And this diamond’s too big. Too square. You like small stones, something vintage.”

He’s right. 

You stare at him, all too aware of the familiar feeling of his skin against your own. 

“You sound confident.”

He knows he’s right. 

And he doesn’t falter. “There’s been a ring sitting in a small, velvet box in the back of my closet for five years. I haven’t forgotten what it looks like.”

A—

Words die feebly in your throat as you weakly croak, “—what?”

Sae sits down on the edge of his bed, looking down at his own hands. “I had it all planned out. I was so fucking nervous, it was ridiculous. And then I woke up that morning and realized that I was being selfish trying to tie you down to me permanently.”

He meets your gaze as you stare back at him, dumbfounded. Your knees feel weak.

“You were going to propose?”

Sae nods.

You move to stand in front of him, your socked feet nudging his own. “Did you fly all the way home to finally tell me that?”

He looks up at you. “I don’t know.”

You’re not sure what happens first—the brush of your knees against his own or the spreading of his thighs. But you find yourself between his legs all the same, denim resting against your sheer stockings and the fabric of your skirt.

“What am I supposed to do with this information, Sae?”

His eyes burn through you. 

“Tell me to get rid of the ring. Tell me you want nothing to do with me. Tell me you hate me.”

His words strike like flint against the raw edges of your nerves.

“I hate you,” you tell him, even as you reach out let your fingers ghost along the curve of his jaw.

Sae’s eyes fall shut, and he leans into your touch.

You let your hand slide higher, into the soft locks of his hair. 

His intake of breath is audible.

“I hate that you left me. I hate that you made the choice without me. I hate that you were right, because I never would have come this far in my career, and I never would have gone this far with my education.”

“I’m sorry—” His voice comes out hoarse, and he collapses forward, head pressed against your abdomen.

“I hate that I still love you, even now. Even after all this time.”

Sae’s arms wrap around the backs of your legs even as he mumbles, “Don’t say that.”

You feel like you could catch fire at any moment. 

“Why not?”

He shifts his head, rubbing his face against the bottom edge of your sweater, and the material rides up just enough to expose a sliver of skin. 

“I don’t deserve to hear it.”

You drag your hand to the back of his head, tugging the hair there to tilt his chin upward to meet your gaze once more. Your heart lurches in your chest at the sight before you.

“Probably not, but you decided to kick off honesty hour, so.”

Sae tips his head back downward, his breath hot where his mouth rests against the bare skin above the waist of your skirt.

“I wish you’d tell me not to touch you.”

You shiver. “Should I?”

“Yeah,” he breathes out.

You don’t answer him as every reasonable part of you goes quiet, drowned out by the blood rushing in your ears and the reckless desire that shamelessly shudders its way down your spine.

“And if I don’t?”

It’s pointed this time, the way Sae’s lips press to your stomach in an open-mouthed kiss. 

Logically, you know this isn’t right—standing here between your ex-boyfriend’s legs in the darkness of his childhood bedroom. Not with an engagement ring on your finger. Not when he’s got a girlfriend waiting on him somewhere. Not when this well should be dry, this bridge should be burned.

The bruise should be gone and the scar should be healed.

But—

But you’ve known him more than half of your life.

And for as much as the past five years have hurt—

For as much as you’ve missed him.

For as much as you’ve wanted to forget him.

For as much as you want to hate him.

—you’ve never regretted anything when it comes to Itoshi Sae.

Not once.

You climb onto the bed, straddling Sae’s lap. He reaches up, pointer finger curling beneath your chin as his thumb presses against the edge of your bottom lip.

“I can’t promise I’ll be a good man if you don’t tell me to stop,” he murmurs.

Your pulse quickens, and you part your lips slightly, heat flooding your gut as Sae slides his thumb into your mouth. 

This is a terrible idea.

You flick your tongue against the tip of the digit, and he holds your gaze as he slowly pulls his thumb back out.

“I want you to touch me,” you finally say.

Sae’s other hand, now resting at the base of your spine, slides up your back, stopping once he’s cupping the back of your head. He leans in, forehead resting against your own.

You’re maddeningly aware of every single spot his body is touching yours.

“Say it again.”

You let your nose brush against the side of his as you murmur, “Touch me, Sae.”

It drags all of the air from your lungs—the feeling of Sae’s lips crashing into yours.

His mouth greets you like a long-lost lover, like a dog-eared page. Like worn in soles and the perpetual creak in the step at the bottom of the stairs. 

His lips move with the purpose of car tires down a street you’ve known most of your life. With the muscle memory of feet across a childhood home in the dark. 

Tongue dancing against the seam of your mouth, your lips part for him, desire and longing cresting in equal measure as he grasps your hips and pulls you impossibly closer.

Sae kisses you like he hasn’t kissed you in five years.

He kisses you like no time has passed at all.

He kisses you like he wants to tell you something more between tongues and teeth, between slick saliva and gasping breaths. 

You don’t mean for it to come out so desperate, so needy—the way you breathe out his name when he takes your bottom lip between his teeth and bites and sucks his way to the edge before letting go.

“Sae.”

You hardly have time to register the way the room spins when Sae’s grip on you shifts, your back softly colliding with the mattress as you find him staring down at you. 

“Do you want me to stop?” he asks.

You shake your head, and he moves backward, pushing up your skirt, spreading your legs and settling down between your thighs. In the meantime, you slip off your sweater and toss it aside. Sae watches you do it, watches the way the tight black tank top you’re wearing underneath clings to your body, the way your peaked nipples sit on display through the fabric of your thin bralette. 

The heat that licks within your abdomen flares white-hot when he drags a thumb against your mound, your stockings already damp from the arousal soaking through your underwear.

There’s a slight tug in the material, followed by a ripping sound.

“Really?”

“There was already a hole.”

“You’re lying.”

Sae shrugs, but he doesn’t look sorry about it. “Yeah.”

You don’t have a chance to give him a hard time about ripping your stockings, not when you’re suddenly met with the feeling of two of his fingers sliding through the slick, creamy folds of your bare, soaked slit. 

“Sae,” you whine.

The bed creaks when you buck your hips upward while he circles his middle finger around the outer edges of your fluttering hole.

“You have to be quiet,” he murmurs, staring at you intently as he slowly slides a finger into your tight channel. 

You try to swallow it down, the moan that dangles at the edges of your lips while the slender digit slips deeper into your cunt. But as you tightly grasp the sheets on either side of you, it’s a lost cause when he pulls it out, only to stuff it back in up to the last knuckle. 

Sae’s mouth closes over yours, tongue sliding in past your lips in a messy, spit soaked kiss. You moan into it as he slowly finger fucks you, one digit becoming two, his thumb stroking your swollen, aching clit with each stroke, with every thrust. 

“Always loved how wet you get for me,” he rasps before capturing your tongue between his lips and sucking on it, the sounds nearly as filthy as the slick, creamy squelch of your cunt around his fingers.

You gasp, spine arching, thighs spreading wider as you rock into his touch, hands stretching downward until they brush the stiff press of Sae’s erection against the zipper of his jeans.

He groans into your mouth before pulling back, murmuring against your lips. “Are you sure—”

You squeeze his cock through his pants in return, kissing him again. 

Sae’s exhale is labored as he extricates his drenched fingers from your pussy just long enough to kick off his jeans and boxer briefs, leaving both in a discarded pile on the floor as he climbs back on top of you.

Your soaked panties and stockings are a lost cause by now, not worth the battle of peeling off, not when the torn hole allows him to rub the leaking head of his cock against your slit all the same. Tears of pleasure prick at the corners of your eyes as stares down at you while he eases his shaft into the grip of your cunt inch by inch, until he’s balls deep and your legs are wrapped around his waist tugging him impossibly deeper. 

“Fuck,” he gasps, one hand splayed at the back of your head, the other sliding up your shirt and beneath your bra to palm at your breasts.

Just the sensation of his thumb stroking its way across one of your pebbled nipples alone has you twitching beneath him, cunt grinding against the base of his shaft. Your muscles tremble with pleasure as Sae pulls out of you, only to rock back in. The room echoes with the wet sounds of your pussy swallowing his cock, the accompanying little moans begging to trickle out past your lips silenced by the two fingers he slides into your mouth in turn.

Because Sae hasn’t forgotten any of the little ways to take you apart, not at all.

There’s no apprehension in the way you shamelessly suck on his fingers, a trail of drool spilling out past your lips and dripping down your chin, the arousal churning between your legs going molten. 

“Good girl,” he murmurs—if for no reason other than the fact that he knows what it’ll do to you.

And the way your pussy clenches down on his cock makes it abundantly clear.

The corner of Sae’s mouth lifts, caught somewhere between a smirk and a rueful smile. It’s the satisfaction that he still knows you, that this is more than just muscle memory. 

He knows you like the stars know the night sky.

Like the shore knows the tide.

He kisses you again, languid and deep. Like this means so much more than a quick fuck on a cold December night caught in the throes of the liminal space of his childhood bedroom.

Like this means so much more than finally ending it where it all began.

“I love you,” Sae gasps against your lips as he thrusts into you.

The coil wrapped tightly in your gut unfurls, rapid and quick, and a scorching wave of pleasure washes over you as your cunt spasms and contracts around his length.

“I love you, too,” you choke out, bordering on a sob, and Sae’s fingers brush away the tear that slips down your cheek as he fucks you through your climax.

You can feel when he’s on the verge of pulling out, and you shake your head. His lips crash back into yours with a rough groan as his cock pulses inside of you, spilling rope after rope of thick, hot cum deep in your cunt.

Sae eventually collapses beside you, rather than climbing off of the bed, and he pulls you to his chest. You lie there like that for a moment before slowly sitting up, and he watches you quietly as you raise both hands, grasping your occupied ring finger. The sound of metal clinking against wood echoes in the silence of Sae’s bedroom as you turn to the nightstand before laying back down beside him.

He takes your now-empty hand in his, pressing his lips to the heel of your palm. 

Like the shore knows the tide.

[raekensluver]

unraveling love

description: spencer reid breaks up with you, focused on the fact that he couldn't be the man you "needed" after his experience away in prison despite your reassurance.

pairing: spencer reid x fem!reader

contains: angst, breakup, mentions of spencer in prison.

song rec: atlantis by seafret- "she said in my heart and in my head, tell me why this has to end."

w.c: 1.2k

an: only spencer reid could make it impossible to not hate him after a breakup....

spencer reid's eyes, once a warm shade of brown, had grown cold and calculating. his face, which used to light up at the sight of you, was now a mask of indifference. you watched him from the corner of the room, an old, tattered book clutched in his hand as he paced. the fireplace crackled, but it couldn't fill the silence that had stretched between you like a thick, impenetrable veil.

you swallowed hard, the words echoing in your mind like a gunshot. "what did you say?" you managed to ask, your voice trembling.

spencer stopped his pacing and turned to face you, his gaze unwavering. "i said, i don't love you anymore." his voice was calm, almost rehearsed, as if he had practiced the phrase countless times in his head.

you felt your heart plummet to the floor, shattering into a million pieces. the room grew blurry as tears threatened to spill from your eyes. "why?" you whispered, barely audible.

spencer sighed heavily, the weight of his decision etched into every line of his face. "it's not you," he began, the age-old cliche feeling like a dagger to your heart. "it's just that, after everything i've been through, i've realized that i can't be the person you need me to be."

you stared at him, the words not fully sinking in. "what do you mean?" you choked out, desperation clinging to your voice like a lifeline.

spencer's jaw tightened, and he took a step closer to you. "you know what i mean," he said softly, but with a firmness that sent a shiver down your spine. "i've changed. the man you fell in love with isn't here anymore."

you could feel the warmth draining from your body as his words sank in. "but, spencer, we can work through this," you pleaded, the tremble in your voice growing stronger. "we've been through so much together."

spencer's expression softened, a flicker of the man you once knew shining through. "i know," he said, his voice a little less steady now. "but some things are just…irreparable."

you searched his eyes, looking for any sign of the love that once burned so brightly within them. all you found was a sadness that seemed to consume him from the inside out.

his hand reached out to touch your cheek, but you flinched away, the gesture feeling foreign and painful. "you don't have to do this," you said, your voice cracking. "we can get help."

spencer's hand fell to his side, and he took a step back, the distance between you growing palpable. "it's not about help," he said, his voice tinged with resignation. "it's about who i am now. who we both are."

you stared at the floor, unable to look at him. the room felt like it was closing in on you, the walls pressing against your chest, making it hard to breathe. "who are we then?" you asked, your voice barely a whisper.

spencer paused for a moment, considering his words carefully. "we're two people who love each other, but can't be together," he said, his voice filled with a sadness that mirrored the pain in your heart. "i can't go back to being the person i was, and you deserve someone who can love you without all this…baggage."

you felt the room spin as his words hit you like a ton of bricks. "so, what now?" you managed to ask, your voice shaking with the effort of holding back the sobs that threatened to overwhelm you.

Spencer took a deep breath, his eyes never leaving yours. "now, we move on," he said, his voice gentle but firm. "we find a way to live our lives apart."

you looked up at him, the reality of his words hitting you like a punch to the gut. "but, spencer," you protested, your voice thick with unshed tears. "i don't want that."

he sighed, running a hand through his hair. "i know," he said, his eyes filled with a sadness that seemed to go on forever. "but it's for the best. you deserve someone who can give you their whole heart, and i can't do that anymore."

you opened your mouth to protest, but the words got caught in your throat. you knew he was right. the spencer reid you had fallen in love with was gone, replaced by a man who was haunted by his past and the demons that lurked within him.

you felt a tear slip down your cheek, tracing a cold path down your skin. "i don't know how to do this," you admitted, your voice cracking. "i don't know how to let you go."

spencer's gaze softened, and he stepped closer, placing his hand on your shoulder. "i know it's hard," he said, his voice a gentle whisper. "but it's what we have to do."

you nodded, unable to speak as the first sob tore through you. spencer pulled you into his arms, holding you tightly against his chest as you cried. the warmth of his embrace was a stark contrast to the coldness in his eyes, and you clung to it desperately, trying to remember the last time he had held you like this.

his hand rubbed circles on your back, his touch soothing despite the pain of his words. "i'm sorry," he murmured into your hair. "i never wanted to hurt you."

you nodded against his chest, feeling the steady beat of his heart. it was a comforting rhythm that you had come to rely on, but now it felt like a taunt - a reminder of what you were about to lose. "i know," you whispered, your voice muffled by his shirt.

spencer held you for a long moment, his grip tightening slightly before he pulled away, a silent acknowledgment that this was the end. you took a step back, wiping the tears from your face with trembling hands.

his eyes searched yours, looking for understanding, for forgiveness. "i need you to be strong," he said, his voice cracking slightly. "you're the strongest person i know."

you nodded, trying to be brave, trying to be the person he needed you to be. but inside, you felt like you were breaking apart at the seams. "i'll try," you whispered, your voice barely audible.

spencer's eyes searched yours, looking for any sign that you were okay, but all he found was pain. "i'm sorry," he said again, the words feeling as empty as the space between you.

you watched as he grabbed his coat from the chair, his movements mechanical, as if he had done this a hundred times before. each step he took towards the door felt like a nail in the coffin of your relationship.

spencer paused at the threshold, his hand on the doorknob, looking back at you one last time. his eyes searched yours for any hint of anger or resentment, but all he found was a sadness that mirrored his own.

you forced a smile, the effort visible in the tremble of your lips. "goodbye, spencer," you said, your voice strong despite the turmoil inside.

spencer's eyes searched yours, a silent plea for understanding. then, with one final nod, he opened the door and stepped out into the cold, dark night. the door clicked shut behind him, leaving you alone in the quiet emptiness of the room.

edited 8.20.24

[maniwannadiezz]

Thank you. You make me feel sane for hating on vivs art😭 (she did influence my art in middle school, but now I see all the issues with it)

no problem! I think her art had a lot of bad influence on newer artists simply because at first glance it’s appealing and people like you (and me) thought why can’t we just copy it and go from there? Welllll problem is that just copying an artist will lead to you consuming and producing the mistakes they make or not fully grasp why they exaggerated something the way they did. Unfortunately those anime hating art teachers held some truth in their words, just copying right off of another artist without fully understanding the rules of art will lead to getting stuck.

I’ve gotten “stuck” before, my art deformed contorted to the style and gave me a mess where the heads were too big and the proportions too wonky when I could have spent my time understanding anatomy and proper colouring techniques. Of course there’s nothing wrong with just wanting pretty looking art and nothing more but if you want to expand and not hit a ceiling it’s better to learn the rules before you break them. You’ll probably learn things you never knew you never knew! Find things about your style you never dreamed you could have drawn before and expand into your OWN person and your OWN artist, instead of being the vivziepop drawalike.

DECONSTRUCTING VIVZIEPOP ARTISTIC ISSUES WE MAY HAVE CONSUMED AS CHILDREN (if her art has improved I haven’t seen but I will give her the benefit of the doubt! So let’s just isolate this to the past for US ex hazbin artists to understand where our problems truly began)

Anatomy: Vivziepop has a habit of not properly following even the anatomy of her own drawings let alone anatomy rules at all. I had to bend and meld what I thought a limb may look like from its transition from in front to behind a limb (like the legs) since the lines didn’t properly match up. Arms change size, legs have no knees, one thigh thicker than the other and hands that have fingers which melt into the palms.

you could say it’s stylistic, but considering she’s ONLY ever drawing stylistically whether she liked to or not this bad anatomy has become a crutch and down fall. If she wished to draw more realistically I will assume she can’t or can’t anymore…

Here’s a draw over. You can keep the stylistic effects while keeping your anatomy at least somewhat readable, especially the hands 💀

Shading: shading plays a huge role in not only give us context to the image like where the light source is coming from but also the shapes of the body. the body is comprised of different shapes (cylinders for arms and legs, circles and ovals for head, different planes for the face) with shading like vivziepop’s we don’t know where the light is coming from but also the shading blends into the drawing as visual noise, or worse makes things look flat and lifeless. Her legs especially are shaded as if they are two pieces of paper sticking out from under her dress.

Colours: we all know her main appeal in art is her colours, but designing your piece by just how pretty you can make all the colours also is ignoring fundamentals in what makes your art from good to BEST. With too much of one shade your whole piece blends together in the eyes of the viewer. With not enough contrast in the right areas you will have a focal point that bounces around (like us her chest the focal point? It’s the darkest spot on the piece! Or is it all those eyes that clutter up the whole drawing with the random stripes in the back…. Ouch! I can’t tell what’s what!)

conclusion: I leave you and others with this quest, you wanna get better at art? Take a moment to critique even your own favourite artists. You can have inspiration of course but question their decisions before blindly hoping on the hype train. Or you could be consuming their own mistakes and end up STUCK, like I was, like many have become.

Give critiquing these pieces a try, deconstruct them, trace them (don’t post) see where the lines match up- do the limbs look as if they existed behind the limb or do they go to a void and come up the other side a completely different size? You tell me…

[unholybacon355]

Notes to self

Male Reader X Jihyo

Word Count: 1.1K

A/N This short fic was inspired by this pic. Since I saw it for the first time I could help but write this. Hope you enjoy reading it.

You were woken up by the sound of your phone vibrating against the nightstand. Although it had already dawned many hours ago, you were still sleeping, the job you had allowed you that kind of small luxuries. With half-closed eyes you checked the phone and could see that you had a new message from your wife, Jihyo. Slowly what you were reading woke you up completely.

The first message was a photo of your wife taken in front of a mirror, apparently in a mall bathroom. Jihyo donned a two-piece white semi-sports outfit, made of a material that appeared to be knitted. She looked magnificent, but more importantly, the strands of the fabric were far enough apart that you could see some skin under the garments. And although the outfit left her wonderful abdomen completely free, that small amount of skin that showed through was exciting. Although to be honest what caught your attention in the photo were the two brown shades that were visible at the height of your wife's chest, and that were clearly her nipples.

“Hello Baby” the message said. “Do you like what I'm wearing today? It's very comfortable and cool, you know I don't like the heat. That's why I didn't wear a bra. I hate how my boobs get all sweaty for no reason. But… The problem is that anyone can see my nipples if they are brave enough to take a closer look at my boobs. I bet that turns you on a lot.”

The truth was, if it turned you on that anyone could see your wife's huge brown nipples. She was an exhibitionist and she loved that very much, but you usually liked to be present when she did it. Especially when she wanted to give you a blowjob in some corner a little out of the way, but exposed enough to get caught; or when she asked you to hug her and stick a finger up her ass in the middle of a night walk. You loved that dirty side of your wife.

"Honey." Jihyo continued. “Luckily I decided to wear cute panties today. I feel demure enough not to show my hair down there.” No sooner had you finished reading the message than a new one arrived. It was a video of her in front of the same mirror, but this time her pants were out of the frame, as she had pulled them down to expose her thick thighs. You could see how she played with the line of the panties, lowering it just a little enough so that some of the hairs escaped from the well-kept bush that she had between her legs. She then turned around to show her huge butt to the camera. However her white underwear was not small at all, it was clearly seen how her ass engulfed her garment. Her beautiful buttocks were fully exposed. The video ended with your wife spanking herself a couple of times and making her own flesh jiggle.

By this time you were already hard as a diamond, but something in you told you that you shouldn't do anything to release your arousal. Jihyo liked to provoke you to get the most out of you, she liked to be the one who milked your milk. Which is why you only stroked your shaft a few times and put it back in your underwear.

The screen showed that she was writing again, and you were waiting to see what she was going to send you next. “Do you like that everyone can see me? Baby. I bet the idea that anyone can see me turns you on, I bet you're already hard and jerking off. Do you like Mommy being a whore in public? Do you like how I show my tits and ass but you can't touch them? Oh Love, I think I'm getting wet, I need someone to play with my boobs… Give me a sec.” You waited for what seemed like forever until a new video came through. Now your wife had her pants on again but she had pulled her top up so her boobs hung free. She was playing with her hard nipples, kneading her tits herself, giving herself the attention that no one else could at that moment. The sight of those huge brown nipples made you salivate like crazy, you wanted to have them in your mouth like when she rides you. “Babe…” she said quietly as she set her phone down on the sink to keep both hands free. "I need you." Now she was kneading both breasts at once, and you could see the need for her on her face.” I'm so wet, I need you sucking on my nipples and fingering my tight ass.” What you saw next was the most amazing thing yet and the most risky thing she had ever done considering she was in a public restroom and anyone could walk in. She turned around, still with her tits in the air, she lowered her pants again along with her underwear; and she spread her buttocks as far as she could.

In front of you was the beautiful view of your wife fully exposed in a public restroom. Anyone could walk through that door, anyone could walk in and see her big tits hanging off, her fully exposed ass, her gleaming pussy slit on camera. The idea that anyone could see her throbbing asshole wide open ready to be penetrated, was playing havoc with your mind. you were really trying so hard not to touch yourself with the image of her, of hers nice wet pussy of hers, but you wanted to save your cum for when she came home.

Jihyo spread her buttocks for a few more seconds while she wiggled her ass before rearranging her clothes and cutting the video. You waited another brief moment to give her time to write a new message. In all this time you had not written a single word, but you knew that she was aware that you were reading her. Otherwise the tone of the messages would not have risen so much. Finally another message arrived and this one was totally different. "I'll keep shopping, see you later." Was all she said, but the screen showed that she was still typing. “I'm going to buy you something nice. I love you very much. Save that milk for Mommy, you fucking pervert” She finished contrasting her loving side with that dirty final part. And so your wife left you with a huge boner, the biggest in a long time, and not being able to touch you for the rest of the day.

[hammerhead-jpg]

I often shart on my art so I'mma be positive today and do the top 10 pieces of my art that I'm still fond of despite them being quite old

Most (all) of them are redacted fanart so behold

(sorted from oldest to latest)

Felt the need to put the first drawing I ever posted on this account. It doesn't stand out as being that much better than it's close by in date brethren but it still pops off in it's own right and is not nearly as embarrassing as it could've been as a first drawing (ps: it was based of a drawing by @febreze-bottle-without-febreze!)

I already reblogged this one pointing out how it lowkey served for it's time but it still deserves to be said

Like this piece specifically points out how drawings don't have to be hella detailed and have 100% effort put into them to look good. Like it obviously has its flaws but it's serves it's purpose and I honestly think that overhauling with full rendering and a detailed background would've removed some of it's charm

It kind of reminds me of those semi animations/animatics people would do for musicals and things with the desaturated background with a gradient and minimal shading

This one's is not much again but it's Adam and he's serving cunt so it ended up here. If you can find the Pinterest pose I used as a ref for this one you win a Gatorade

It's not much artistically, like I feel like the shading is lacking in places (like either the contrast is shit or the color combos for the shading are shart I can't tell) and there's some anatomical mistakes but I feel like it's iconic in it's own way and I luuuv starlight and Avior

This Gavin doodle is lowkey giving idk there's something about him...

He has no forehead but shhhh look at him 💞

Another Adam Jessup slay I think about this drawing a lot like can I ever truly replicate the face card in this piece?

He caused a motherquake measuring 9.9 on the cunter scale with this...

This is strange cuz like it's a ref sheet and usually ref sheets are my most meh art because I have a compulsion to do them but they're always a pain in the ass to do so like?

Even though Taurus is one of my more ignored redacted ocs I still like his design and I think this drawing still holds up

Rip veguh💔💔💔 it's like I can still hear his voice 🕊️🕊️🕊️🕊️

Anyways idk this one eats noticably, again kinda sad considering it's an another low effort doodle

Scorpius mentioned yeesdddss

I remember not being sure wether or not to post it but it's kinda nice looking considering even though I am knida at this point known the Scorpius artists I don't like most of my Scorpius drawings

And this one is pretty recent but careless avior and starlight doodles! Again why is this post just telling me that I should give up fully coloring rendering and just doodle for the rest of my life

I saw a tiktok of a person who animated some greek god related stuff and got hated on because they didn't make the ichor gold and they explained why that was but I totally get them bc when I drew the scene of Starlight and Avior bathing in liquid gold people immediately said it looked like piss💔💔

[hybeana]

COMMS OPEN: HELP ME PAY RENT!

Commission Slots: 3

Donator Doodle Slots: 6

Check under the cut for pricing, wills/wonts, TOS, examples, and more info!

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ABOUT ME

Hi there! I'm @hybeana! I'm a disabled artist that could really use some help!

Without disclosing too much specific personal information: my disability is mild-to-moderate depending on the day, which means I struggle with IADLs such as grocery shopping, cooking, driving, and cleaning. I also sometimes (but not always!) struggle with walking due to pain. I also deal with regular sensory issues that make daily living a struggle in general. As you can imagine, this prevents me from working most jobs.

I was diagnosed with plantar fasciitis a year or two ago. (That's doctor speak for "heel pain we don't know how to fix.") I am an ambulatory cane user. I'm very certain that I also have an unknown autoimmune disorder, long covid, or god forbid both. I cannot afford to see a doctor. I also need to save money for an autism diagnosis. My autism often prevents me from working due to sensory issues, and a diagnosis ensures that I am fully accommodated. Although, I am unsure if I will ever be able to work a full 9 to 5. My long-term goal is disability payments.

No matter any of that, I still need to keep up with rent. My partner gets income to cover most of it, but they are in school and cannot work full-time. We need to earn about $300 USD minimum more than what they currently make per month to stay in our current apartment until December/January when our lease ends. And that's not even including utilities!

We have basic groceries and most of our rent covered, but feeding 2 adults and 1 cat can be a struggle. My cat is old and requires some supplements that are a little expensive to stay happy and healthy.

You can support me and my family by commissioning some artwork from me! I mainly do digital artwork, but I can also do traditional. Since I get so few commissions in general, I have recently upped my prices. Even a small commission is better than nothing!

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PRICES

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Timed 15 Minute Sketch/Doodle: $20.00 USD

This is a timed, 15-minute doodle of one of my OCs, Ascii! This is the option I offer for folks who want to support me, but maybe don't have as much cash to drop on a thermonuclear fully-shaded, fully-lined piece.

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Rough Lineart (No Color): $50.00 USD

This is a piece I did for my bestie @spearohero of her character Cecelia! The lineart is rough, but unfocused. If there is color, it is extremely minimal (if at all). I clean it up a little bit at the end so that it isn't a complete mess.

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Rough Lineart + FLAT Coloring: $70.00 USD

This is another one of my OCs, Xenarthron! The style here is rough, not as focused lineart with no/minimal shading. I mostly do these for myself for fun, so I don't spend as much time and energy on them as smooth lineart and shading.

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Smooth Lineart (No Color): $90.00 USD (THIS CAN GET ME GROCERIES FOR 1 WEEK!)

This piece was a gift for my dear friend @panther-os of his ATLA OC, Amaruq. I spent considerable time referencing real-life images, correcting anatomy, and focusing on line weight. You can see how differently it compares from the rough lineart in that everything is focused and purposeful.

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Smooth Lineart + SHADED Coloring: $120.00 USD

These are doozies for me because it requires so much effort and work - and I hate shading! Working with lighting can be difficult, but it's worth it in the end to see such a full, emotional piece. I did this one for @/hodagagenda of her sona. Thanks again for your support!

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What about complex backgrounds, multiple characters, busts, or other stuff not mentioned here?

CONTACT ME for pricing! I am 100% willing to haggle if it means the difference between making rent and... not making rent.

OTHER INFO

Thank you for your time and consideration!

[curio-queries]

I just read your I Am Still review and it makes me curious what namjoon's movie (not sure if its meant to be a docu?) will look like.

I know BH could do better in a lot of ways, but I do think a lot of the stuff tied to bts' solo promotions is really a reflection of where they are at artistically as individuals. Like I'm sure BH lays out a profit plan (i.e. we want an album, a video release, merch, etc.), but other than that, I do think a lot of it is up to them what direction they take. Like if they have something specific in mind or want to go waaaay more artistic, namjoon's solo seems to show that BH will put in the money and allow them to do that. On the other hand, I do think, if they don't have a direction in mind, BH just gives them the memories, in-house BH editor treatment (which could be better and they could at least get an actual docu director if they plan for a theatrical release, I know people felt this way even for Beyond the Star).

I actually love a lot of the songs on Golden (I'm a pop-whore through and through), but I do think jungkook hasn't quite found himself yet, or his unique artistic vision. And I think that flows into the content related to the album. I don't know if its controversial to say as a fan, but I think even calling the album "Golden" and then comments I've seen about the docu, it feels more like him trying to live up to his "Golden Maknae" status of mega pop stardom than necessarily finding himself in this album. And to be clear, those things don't have to be mutually exclusive! But I do think jungkook doesn't necessarily dig deep or get vulnerable in this album, so it doesn't surprise me that the docu might also feel that way. I also feel like this is why JPD might feel a little more cohesive, because I do think jimin is farther along in his artistic journey (being vulnerable, knowing what he wants to say as an artist even if its not fully polished yet, etc.). And this no shade to jungkook, I think all of the vocal line haven't had the opportunity to grow outside the group like the rap line has, especially the younger members whose entire artistic career/view has been shaped within a group setting. Finding yourself takes time, and trial and error. Sometimes I feel like jimin doesn't get enough credit for the fact that his first entirely solo project was so personal and he was so involved in the entire creative conception of it, especially for someone as reserved as him.

I am excited to see what Jin will end up coming out with (I love the The Astronaut song) and it'll be interesting to see the direction each member takes post military service. Even styling-wise, I'm curious what each member will do. I've hated jimin's styling for all of his solo projects (except the sparkly denim LC outfit) and most of jungkook's outside of SNTY. Please let the weird, ugly mullet, lego hair-piece looking stuff die and also extremely baggy clothes. I need fashion to have evolved by the time they get discharged because jimin should not need to be pulling up his pant's leg while he dances.

Hi anon,

Thank you for sending this in. I apologize that it's been ages, I got quite sick for a bit there and didn't have the energy to deal with tumblr. (Sidenote, the feed is kind of a disaster right now. I hope people can return to celebrating content again soon, I'm ready to stop unfollowing people every time I log in.)

Anyway, I'm so glad you brought up Namjoon's film because I'm so INTRIGUED. What are the criteria for this film festival? Is there any hope that it's been handled properly? What do we know about the director? Is this just another Hybe edit and they've strong-armed is into the festival? Is there going to be any way for us to watch it?

I don't really have any answers to these questions yet but it's kind of my only hope left of a decent film that's not just bangtantv content.

I actually really loved the idea of Golden being the album title and many of the choices surrounding it's release. Such great imagery and art surrounding his tattoos and just completely celebrating everything that led to JK as a person. But...it has very little connection to the actual music. Again, other than this idea that JK was actively pursuing himself as an extremely technically-exceptional singer, what does Golden have to do with the music? Other than one (possible coincidental) reference in STNY, this album could have been called anything. It's not the worst offense of an album but the rest of BTS's work has raised my expectations in having all sides of a release being exceptional. And this just wasn't for me. Not bad. But not astounding.

Also, can I say I'm so relieved to hear someone else voicing my same opinions on the styling for JM that last year. I absolutely despised the mullets and the baggy puts that he had to lift during choreo. Seriously anon, how did you get inside my brain?? I didn't mention this anywhere because everyone was gushing about it but it just pulled me out of it. Every.Single.Time. Can we be besties? Lol

Anyway, I'm sure I missed something in your ask. Still not feeling 100% but I don't want to delay this response any longer. Thank you so much for your patience!

[gabrielapazlima]

gabby i dont think you understand how genuinely impressive your stuff is on a technical level. you somehow have the motivation to draw EVERY DAY, and the majority of those drawings are colored, shaded, full/nearly full body pieces with at least two characters in them. like dude. that shit takes EFFORT. and you make COMICS too ?@!??@! I'VE TRIED TO MAKE COMICS BEFORE AND IT KILLED MY MOTIVATION INSTANTLY, AND I WASN'T EVEN DRAWING ANY BACKGROUNDS OR ANYTHING. YOU ARE A WIZARD TO ME. you clearly understand how to make characters interact with each other and their environment believably and it shows so well.

you're also able to TURN characters. you don't just draw a front view, you draw back views and side views and you do so consistently. I can pick out a bunch of artists who i think draw very good but they don't seem to draw poses as diverse as you do. you're also INCREDIBLE at depicting different body types and have a good grasp on color and lighting. and you do all this on top of keeping your art expressive and adorable. LIKE BRO. YOU'RE SO MUCH MORE SKILLED THAN YOU GIVE YOURSELF CREDIT FOR. you are an AWESOME illustrator and comic maker.

it sucks seeing you put yourself down because you're GENUINELY such a good artist and you deserve all the followers you have and i hate that you can't see that :( we all love you gabs ❤️❤️❤️ - the-smiling-doodler (this is my tumblr main)

Hi and sorry for making you see all this stuff,it must be a pain have to see the vent from a mentall ill artist everytime you looking though my tml

second:Thanks,

no but serious,i really needed to hear something that make me feel less inferior....i always see other artists doing fantastic works and i always fell bad for me for not doing those stuff but then i remember that i just started ACTUALY fully drawing in december and i still leaning good drawing techinques with a actually GOOD program...i had dreams abt pushing my artist talent foward in this fandom but...i ended up not doing half of i was planing to do for.... a lot of reasons...i feel if i was more emocionally mature i would be WAY better than i am but idk how to stop this feeling...

but thanks me anyway,idk if artists are ALWAYS that critical of themselves or im just that insecure,but i will try to work in that okay?

anyway luv u!ur a angel fr ❤

[deepestuniversallove]

COMMISSION INFO

I am opening up drawing commissions due to some unexpected vet bills to help out my pet rat who needs a tumor removal.

DETAILS:

I will be charging a rate of 9$ per hour spent on the commission piece.

Meaning that if you request just a simple sketch without background, it will cost less than a piece with full color, background and several characters.

- Please give a reference sheet/picture of the characters you want drawn, as well as some short description of what you want to see for the commission (like what pose or situation you want the characters to be in)

- Please also include what the end result is you are looking for (do you want just a simple sketch, or fully colored?)

- as an estimate: Fully colored and shaded pieces take about 6 hours to make

- I reserve the right to refuse any commission.

I CAN DRAW:

- Selfships

- OC x Canon

- Humans

- Pokémon or Digimon

I CAN’T/ WON'T DRAW:

- Gore

- Suicide/self harm elements

- Hate Art

- Super complex Mecha

CONTACT and PAYMENT:

Contact me in DMs here, or via email (monikarogowsk@gmail.com)

Payment can be done via PayPal.

[bunnymi1k]

i'm gonna make a bit of a masterpost with all my good art here, as i'm officially opening my commissions. i don't expect many requests, but i'm still limiting it to five total for the time being. first come, first serve, but i do have the right to decline for any reason i see fit.

let's get into the do's and don'ts first. it's a bit of a read, but please stick til the end if you're interested

things i WILL draw

ship art, within reason*

original characters

official characters, movies/shows/etc

other people's ocs, with permission!!

furries/anthros

my little pony characters

powerpuff/teen puff art style

chibi characters

nsfw art, but only if you can verify you're 18+!!!! and no underage characters!

portraits of yourself or others in my art style, which is not realism sorry

mild gore or body horror

things i WON'T draw

loli/shota

*ship art of the following: incest, pedophilia, canonically abusive couples, noncon situations

nsfw art of or for minors; unless the character canonically is 18+ at some point in the story, they're off limits. no fanon aged up designs.

mecha/highly robotic designs; it's just not my forte and i would hate to disappoint anyone expecting highly detailed mechanical designs. if you feel it's simplistic enough, we can discuss it further.

nsfw art of full-on animal characters, or anthros with realistic animal genitalia

nsfw art in the mlp style. same situation as above; if they're not anthropomorphic enough, i'm not drawing nsfw of it

chibi or ppg style nsfw

extreme gore/violence

payment can be made either in full, or 50%, upfront.

if you choose to do half upfront, the other half MUST be paid after approval of the final sketch for me to continue further. adjustments can continue to be made within reason. ie: please don't ask me to change the composition when it's half finished, or anything else outlandish

works in progress WILL use programs such as nightshade to prevent usage in AI programs, and will be heavily watermarked to avoid theft.

you will receive the full FINISHED artwork in any file format(s) you want (PNG being the default) via email, with a smaller watermark. it is yours to do whatever you wish with, all i ask for at that point is credit linking back to my blog!

please bear in mind that i have a full time job and other responsibilities if you choose to commission me. i would love for art to be my full-time job, but as it stands, it can't be. all of this to say, please have patience and empathy for the person behind the screen <3

now to get into the juicy part, pricing. please note- these prices are for single character pieces. additional information will be below

BUSTS (shoulders/chest and up)

sketch: 5 usd

lineart only: 8 usd

flat colors: 12 usd

cell shading: 18 usd

fully rendered/painted: 25 usd

HALF BODY (lower torso/waist and up)

sketch: 10 usd

lineart: 13 usd

flat colors: 17 usd

cell shading: 23 usd

fully rendered: 30 usd

FULL BODY

sketch: 15 usd

lineart: 18 usd

flat colors: 22 usd

cell shading: 30 usd

fully rendered: 45 usd

the cost of ONE additional character is ½ of the price listed above. anything more than two will be 25% of the listed price PER CHARACTER.

if you've made it this far, congratulations! now you get to enjoy my portfolio, if you wanna call it that. reblogs are very much appreciated!!!

if you're interested after all of that, dm me and tell me your pet's name so i know you read through everything (;

some of this stuff is a bit outdated, but like i said i think these are some of my best works to show. i'll definitely rb this with more stuff to add someday, as well as when the number of open slots updates.

0/5

[agent-8449]

Agent Logos CJverse chatroom summary.... REAL!!!!

Clears throat. This may be a long post, be warned. Actually, yeah. Bwoink.

The OG AU: Voice of Reason

Whole: Dead as fuck. Sort of. Way before the events of the comic, their Whole 'died'. We refer to not-dead Whole OOCly as 'Hope', but he also sort of exists afterwards as a figment of himself-- the 'shadow' called Cast. Cast can only speak in song lyrics, and currently resides in... the TMAverse, as a cursed item. Woaw.

Heart: Would kill you if you called him Heart. Ozzy/Oz/Ozymandias is a real piece of work. Sourceless guilt incarnate, magically influenced by a cursed mirror to eat it, in a symbolic attempt to erase himself. He's so chill. So fine. So cool. Definitely not so close to collapsing at all times. Got glasses though.

Mind: Tinker/Ulysses. So violently soggy, but hides it under his inexplicable British accent and polite demeanour. Made the transmitters that allow Thirds to traverse between their Surrealities. He half-regrets this. The only one of the three fully aware that Cast is an actual sentient guy. Hid his Soul's trident in his hand after the comic, and so that hole is very much still there <he's 'fixing' it atm...>

Soul: Coda. Coba. Coba Cola. What a disaster. After the comic, it <he/it> was kept in his room as much as possible. Then Oz left, and he completely lost it. It was a big storyline, so feel free to ask about it. Coda is really fun because he's not sane

Me-only AU 2: The Negatives

Whole: Eris... also known as Chase. The Negatives are a sort of "reversal of personality". Eris is a shitty content farm-making YouTuber, and generally hates this too. He also has to deal with the Cold War he sort of constructed with his own Thirds. He remembers what his Thirds do, which is good because he split <past tense> often... like. Every day. They called it 'shifts'. Yeah.

Heart: Phobos, ahhhhh my horrible boy Phobos. Personification of egoism, self-aggrandization, imagination, and intrusive thoughts. Green. Mean. A bitch and a half. Generally sadistic. The de-facto leader of the Negative Thirds. Wears crocs. Idolises Whole.

Mind: Deimos. That is all. Personification of logic, reasoning, and thinking ahead. He is also an absolute goon and pushover. All too happy to be Phobos' lackey.

Soul: Nemesis, though he hates that nickname. Personification of 'cringe culture', self-doubt, second-hand embarassment, and critical thinking. Basically ignored by the other two. Does all the work in the Vessel. Clinically annoyed by everything all the time. Very spiteful.

ASSORTED GUYS <from co-op AUs>:

Allen: Soul from Voib, Andy, Shade and I's AI AU, also known as Reification Initiative: Apotheosis. Yeah I came up with that. My bad. Allen is shitty. So very shitty. Ran away. That's all I can say for now.

Valentine: Heart from WAAAILSSSSSS IT'S ONLY ME BUT HIS COUNTERPARTS ARE ALL DEAAAAD. The Bachelor AU, a 'Lonely' AU. He is trying to live his life now that he fucked up and he's alone. He committed arson. He has to go to government-mandated therapy. He is beloved.

Nyx: Whole from Xanadu AU. Haven't done much with him, but he's in space, and he's an idiot.

Vlinder: :>

Thyme: Mind from the Aonaran/Apocalypse AU. The world ended. It be like that sometimes. And the stress got to their Whole. Thyme killed multiple people.

Pursuit: Heart (2) from Voib's Labyrinths AU. He is big kitty cat lad. Does eat people. Tries to maintain the status quo. Genuinely satisfied with the state of things.

Magna: Mind from Demersal AU. Basically, he got pitted instead of Heart for being a delusional little shit. He did not get any less delusional. Conspiracy nut, drowning 1/4th of the time, and generally horrible person.

Brevity: Soul from Voib and I's Syncopation AU. Olde Mann. No legs, they froze off. He is not mentally well at all, but he's got to keep it together if he wants to continue being 'him'.

Crawl: Heart from the Asides AU. Fourth-wall breaking eldritch horror. Collector of things. Collector of extinct things. Full name 'Crawl of the Horizon'.

"Quinn": Soul from Good Day. Very new AU with me, Voib, Q-ott, and Ledge <@/nitroish>. Meant to be close to album guys. He's denying his halves exist and matter atm.

There you go! Not including the alternate timelines because jesus christ

[inklessletter]

I absolutely love following along with your art and the process behind it! I'm curious about more behind the scenes stuff, as I have picked up digital art after not having drawn regularly in 10+ years.

When you do your drawings, what steps do you take? Do you use real references? Skeleton sketches? I'd love to know more about how you approach things digitally!

Oooh, first of all, thank you so much @emeraldzephyr! It is such a lovely thing that you decided to pick it up again!

As for how do I organize myself for drawing, every person works with a different procedures and it is important to know what works for you. For me is organization and inspiration.

For me, the most important thing is having references. It is more important than experience, more important than skill and even than inspiration. When you start messing with a blank canvas you need to know first hand where you want to go, or at least, have an idea. I won't likely start drawing without some references pictures. I learnt this when I took classes last year and this is probably the only thing that actually fully stuck.

My main resource for them is Pinterest, and I navigate through it with intent. I also have multiple packs of pictures of models and references that I have purchased in Artstation. Either way, references, to me, are essential and necessary. In Pint for example I have different boards, some for poses or compositions, some other for finishing, some other for colors palettes, or effects, or styles. I may have (and it is likely to be that way) multiple references for a single illustration ("I like the composition of this one, but the color palette of this other one, but the light works incredible in here, and wait, how was exactly the curvature of the nose of Joe Quinn in this perspective...? Shit! Keery's moles!! How were them distributed in the right side of his face? asdfadfs").

So you see, this is the first and the main thing I do. And I am also fattening with pins all my boards anytime I've got the chance (on my way to work, in public transport, waiting in lines, etc.), so I don't run out of ideas.

When it comes to actually drawing, I always make my canvas extra large and fit the main reference there so I don't get it out of sight (probably the one I'm using for composition) and make a first sketch than I later proceed to fix because it is often that I get wrong the proportions or the perspective, and that's okay. I can do five or six layers of sketches and then I do a first lineart that is messy, but it compiles everything that I have from different references. I spend a lot of time with this. Before shit gets serious and you start with colors, it is important for me to be happy with the sketch, or I may work a lot of hours on this particular illustration and you will end up hating it because "fucking shit, that ear is too small, how didn't I see it before!!!! [yes, I have no shame in showing what I think I failed miserably, the next piece was better, and so on. I keep learning everytime. I trust the process in broader aspects of art, not only in piece by piece]).

I create folders for the color process and try to organize the layers in it, first painting them with plain colors in separate layers and then adding layers once the whole illustration is fully coloured, first starting with shading, and then to light.

For me it is really important to play with the different effects of layers, play with opacity, gradients, brushes, tools, etc etc. I always find some effects that I wasn't expecting and the quality of my work will rise up just because I just found something interesting that weren't expecting at all, so, yeah. I play a lot with my software. All the time.

And finally when I am happy with it as a whole, I add a few filters (noise, blurs, etc.) If I want a very specific effect and I don't know how to do it, I have no doubt in stopping for a minute and finding a tutorial that teaches me how to do it (like the flare in this illustration, or the video effect moving color channels in this one). I always keep in mind that I should not get frustrated when I don't know how to do anything because I can always google it and it is a great opportunity to learn something new.

I am so so so sorry if this was too long, and probably it wasn't interesting enough, but that's what I do. And again, I want to make myself clear when I say that there is not a correct way to do things when it comes to art, this is just what works for me. I am no expert, I had to try and fail many many times to find the right approach for me without getting sad or frustrated. I, myself, have reconnected with art not that long ago after a decade, too.

I wish you the best of luck with your reunion with digital art!! Looking forward to seeing your pieces <3

[mzannthropy]

and it becomes your most hated book of all time - Sam plays the main male character of the adaptation of this book (Me Before You)> lol

I even liked the film, the chemistry between him and Emilia is wonderful, but the film is kind of pointless. That ending, I can't even watch again. What makes it even worse is knowing that there is a second book in which he has a daughter, like??????? How does he have a daughter??? Does not make any sense. I thought he was going to give up because he was in love with a woman who loved him and believed they could be happy together. And they were happy together. What makes it worse for me is that in the film Untouchable, which is a true story, there is a similar story, about the person who helps him, and gives him meaning, in the end the character gets married and is happy. Will ends up being selfish in the end. I hate how he wants Clarke there, and the fact that she's gone. Fuck it, no really. The end is he gave her money, fuck. It wasn't about the money, and it shouldn't be. She has a shitty family and a shitty boyfriend, just like he had a shitty family and a shitty girlfriend. It's worth it for Sam and Emilia's performances.

I've never actually watched the film, only read the book. For completion's sake, I suppose I will have to tackle it one day, but every time I imagine having to watch it, a sense of dread creeps on me. It's the worst piece of fiction I have ever engaged with (I've read the first 50 Shades book and this is worse!) and I'm worried I will throw something at my screen and break my TV. I don't believe in the "chemistry" argument, it means nothing to me and Emilia Clarke... I'm trying very hard but her voice and laugh grate on me so much, plus I don't see her as that great an actress.

Anyway, so here we are, I finally get to talk about it (can you believe this @jesstasticvoyage). Here it is, the reason why I don't interact with any other Sam Claflin fans, apart from Jess who is able to handle me. (I get notes from the same users on my original Sam posts, and I see you; it's not you, it's me! You'll see why.) Fucking Me Before You.

If you go through my Sam posts, you will see that I never mention this film, not even when I talk about his book adaptations. The only time I did name it was when I listed the female directors he worked with, bc the film has a female director. When I became a fully fledged Sam fan in 2020, I saw how beloved the film was and how everyone cried over it (why?) and how I could not escape it every time I read any article or interview, and I understood that I will have to be on my own. I couldn't believe how amazing Sam's filmography was, and yet nobody talked about it, it was all Finnick (who is at least cool, despite all my issues with THG that I've just posted about)--and this garbage.

Let me just make something clear, I don't hate MBY bc of its ending. I actually like the ending. I like that he chose death over being with Louisa, bc it contradicts this supposed great love story the author is trying to sell. Also I absolutely loathe Louisa Clark. She is my most hated character of all time and the worst protagonist I've ever read the POV of. She is stupid, the stupidest cow in the whole fucking galaxy. She even fails at being a manic pixie dream girl. I hate her so, so much. Every time I have the misfortune of coming across that scene where she sits on his lap in the wheelchair and they are on the dancefloor and she is laughing, I want to hit her in the face so hard that she fall backwards, cracks her skull and dies. I hate her.

The book is also very poorly written. I see Colleen Hoover get so much hate these days, but idk, I think Jojo Moyes is way worse. Maybe she's not on that many people's radar, to which I say: good! She's also allegedly plagiarised another author. The only reason I don't want to invent a time machine to go back in time and prevent her birth is my fear of creating the timeline where Sam will not break his second ankle and becomes a footballer instead of an actor, so you see that wouldn't have been any good.

Now, I've read pieces from people who are more knowledgeable about this than me that MBY is ableist, and I could make big posts about how ableist it is, but I don't bc it would only come off as insincere. (I didn't realise it was in fact ableist until I read those pieces.) I'm all about authenticity, I don't do virtue signalling/performative wokery. You can say I hate it for the wrong reasons. I hate the book bc it's such a fucking cheap tearjerker that only got published bc the publishers knew it would make people cry. But also I hate the fact that it uses disability as a device to tell a cheap tearjerker, so maybe in a roundabout way it is ableism that I hate it for. (I will post something about the ableism though, just for info.)

The protagonist is an idiot with no skills, woefully unqualified for the job she is hired for (she fails at every other previous job she tries!). All the characters are terribly shallow and one-dimensional. Will's mother is a bitch bc... reasons? Bc the author wants her to be? Overdone tropes of an inattentive bf and a bitch of an ex-gf. You see I don't think Alicia was shitty, it's that Louisa presents her that way and she is not a reliable narrator. Ofc she describes her as a bitch. Alicia explained to Louisa that she tried with Will after his accident, but he pushed her away (even though Alicia doesn't owe Louisa any explanation, and a cow like Louisa has no right to judge her, or anyone else for that matter).

From Tv Tropes MBY YMMV page:

Unintentionally Sympathetic: Will's ex and his friend. We're clearly supposed to hate them for hooking up, but it's not like she ditched him the minute he got hurt. She points out that he relentlessly pushed her away and rebuffed all her efforts to be there for him. Her moving on was inevitable and you can't really fault them for eventually turning to each other—obviously, their efforts to comfort each other turned into something more—she outright says that they've been friends for ages and that he was a great support to her after the accident.

Jojo is presenting MBY as this big love story. Except it isn't. Louisa has a Florence Nightingale complex, and Will. Doesn't love Louisa. "You're the only thing that makes me get up in the morning." Sure, that's why he kills himself. For which I don't blame him, if the other option is being with Louisa. But that means it's not love!

But you're right that it's pointless, bc it achieves nothing. If he decided to live and then died of natural causes, then yeah, that would have been a different matter, that would have meant that the protagonist succeeded at something.

Screenshot of a funny one-star review on Goodreads:

I do wonder if Jojo has a handfeeding fetish. I shudder when I think about watching Sam being hand-fed by Emilia Clarke. I really don't think I can take on this film.

Louisa inheriting money from Will, idk, I have no opinion of it and Louisa is not even the type of a woman that knows how to enjoy money. What's she gonna do with it, buy a million pairs of stripey tights?

As for the sequel, it looks like it's a trilogy and Will's kid is I think one of those most boring tropes where a guy didn't know he had a child for years bc the mother didn't tell him. Jojo once again showing her lack or ideas. Gilmore Girls did it, Peaky Blinders did it and worst of all, even fucking Star Trek Picard did it, and those are just shows that I've watched lately!

I have heard of the Untouchable film (I found it when I was looking up Omar Sy bc I liked him in Lupin). I planned to watch it but then forgot. I really need to check it out, it looks good.

This got long... thanks for reading.

[neganisacat]

Chapter Two: Hello Old Friend

It's been a whole week since the incident and Mac is trying his best to adjust into the city. But the loud noises are making it quite difficult for him. Having six ears is no joke, they're highly sensitive especially when it comes to loud noises. With a sigh he throws off the covers and slides off his bed. Macaque shivered once his feet touched the cold floor. Walking towards the window seeing that it is a clear night. He opens up the window and climbs out, macaque closes it back once he is outside.

He jumped on a nearby window seal and scaled the apartment. Macaque reached the rooftop, lifting himself up onto the ledge. Letting his feet dangle off the edge, he stared up at the sky. Macaque felt a sense of security as he gazed at the stars; the tranquility of the night was always so calming. With a sigh, macaque thinks back to that day just a week prior and it still angers him. Narrowing his eyes at the mere thought of it shaking his head to rid himself of the thought.

Maybe tomorrow he could visit Mk at pigsy's noodles. He grinned at that remembering all the trouble they got into. "Ah, good times." The dark-furred monkey stayed a little longer before deciding to go back inside and try to get some sleep. Completely unaware that a certain stone monkey now has him under their radar. “So, you finally came out of hiding, huh…. Liu er.” Once back inside, macaque covers himself and drifts off to sleep.

Dream/Memory

Two monkeys played and chased the other around in blissful ignorance completely unaware of their destined future. The two young monkeys now rested under a tree enjoying the coolness that the shade provided from the hot sun. “Hey, peaches?” The white furred monkey spoke up. The other monkey now dubbed as peaches hms in response. “Do you think we’ll still be friends when we get older.” Peaches scoffed at the question, “Duh! We’ll be friends for the rest of our lives, mango! And there’s no one who can separate us!”

Mango lightly laughed, “Yeah, you're right, peaches. No one can.” Both monkeys watched as the clouds rolled by making funny shapes, some were bunnies, others looked like dragons. The white furred monkey's tail curled around the other's tail soft purrs came from him as he leaned against his friend.

Oh how wrong they were back then.

Dream/Memory Ends

Macaque slowly stirred awake from his slumber. Yawning as he stretched, waking himself up, “Another day and another year to suffer.” Though the dream he had last night… Who were they and why did the other monkey seem familiar? He shrugged it off and pulled the covers off, sliding off the bed, stretching once more to fully wake himself. Grinning cheekily today he was gonna pester pigsy, “He’s gonna hate me but I don’t care.” He puts on his everyday clothes and heads down the stairs. The apartment was quieter than usual. His father must be at work already.

He quickly makes his way out the door and being the monkey that he is fuck the stairs as they say. And slides down the railing once in the small living space, macaque grabs a piece of fruit and heads out the door. The young monkey walked down the streets while playing a mobile game. ‘‘Maybe I can hang out with Mk if he's not busy, that is.” He thought out loud to himself. Looking up from his phone an all too familiar sign was in front of him.

Grinning, he quickly walked inside, “WHAT’S UP FUCKERS!” His sudden entrance startled Tang, causing him to drop a bowl of noodles he was eating and coughing since he choked on some of the broth. “Damn it kid! How many times have I told you not to do that!” Pigsy’s grumpy voice sounded from the kitchen. The cheeky little shit that he is only laughed. “Admit it you’d be lost without me.” The older male grumbled and sat a bowl of ramen down on the counter. Pigsy wouldn’t dare admit to anyone he did actually care for the young simian much like Mk he did see mac as a kid of his own.

Macaque sat on the stool and grabbed the bowl, “See and you knew my favorite ramen too.” He happily ate the noodles. Pigsy returned to his work focusing on making the customers orders. A little later Mk shows up… late like always. “Mk your late!” Burnett haired boy just awkwardly grinned and scratched at his neck. Liu er shook his head amused by this and continued eating. “Sorry, pigsy, my alarm didn’t go off, so I overslept.” Mac shook his head. Classic Mk oversleeping like usual.

“There’s no time for slacking, it's time to get to work, Mk.” Pigsy spoke. Nodding Mk quickly left and gave a quick apology to Liu’er. The pig demon sighed and continued his work. After a while Mk came back from his deliveries. “Hey, Mac, I wanna introduce you to someone but we’d have to use my staff to get there.” Lui’ Er thought for a moment before replying, “Yeah sure, why not.” The energetic boy grinned and grabbed macaque’s arm, “Alright! Lego!”

Mk used his staff to reach FFM. “And where we are! Flower fruit mountain!” Macaque blinked as he processed what Mk had just said. “Hold up a sec… Did you just say Flower Fruit Mountain? Like the FLOWER FRUIT MOUNTAIN that’s the home of THE sun wukong?!” Mk nodded excitedly before Liu’er exclaimed, “Oh hell nah! Take me the fuck back!” Frowning at the panicked simian, Mk shook his head. “It’s too late, you're gonna meet him.”

Mac groaned, annoyed as his friend dragged him. Passing underneath a waterfall they entered a large cavern and up a head was a small house. “Monkey king! I’ve brought a friend I’d like for you to meet!” Mk shouted with excitement. Macaque felt dread wash over him. Maybe this wasn’t a great idea. As if by magic the great sage had appeared in front of them. “Mk! Ready for training?”

“I am. But firstly, meet my friend Liu’er!” Mk gestures towards the dark furred simian. Wukong’s grin turned sour at hearing that name and he glanced at the young boy. He was hauntingly similar to the late Lui’er Mihou. Macaque shook underneath sun wukong’s stare. This was his first time ever meeting him but it felt like he had known Wukong all his life. “Mk… I really wanna go back to Pigsy’s.” Macaque mutters under his breath.

“Mk, let’s go and chat for a sec.” Nodding at his mentor’s words he followed him. Macaque stood by himself lost in his own thoughts and picking at the sleeve of his shirt. Moments later Mk came back and he looked very upset. “Come on, we're leaving.” Mac looked surprised at Mk, “But what about your training?” He scoffed at macaque’s question. Liu’er then looked back at Wukong, who sent him a glare.

Shivering at that he could only assume that their conversation wasn’t a pleasing one. Macaque knew better than to ask Mk what had concurred between them. Frowning, he felt horrible that Mk didn’t get to train today. Wukong watched them leave and he lightly growled, “What’s your plan, macaque? I swear if you ever hurt Mk. I’d kill you.”

[tiny-breadcrumbs]

Mulberry Song, A Short Story With Many Feelings

Reading Mulberry Song is like sitting in a car with no seatbelt on when the driver pull a sudden brake. Like yeahhh An Zi Wu is a piece of garbage for using her like that! Booo why don't you die in the war?! Then bam...the feeling got complicated and you cry when he actually die. Whatever shit happening between these two, it is so bittersweet and drenched in guilt.

In this life, Sang Ge being able to gain this moment of hesitation from An Zi Wu in exchange... Is enough.

You see, painful. Just painful. I think she love him. Maybe not a fully full blown passion, but something gentler, she is proud of him and there is fondness in there. Pity, he realize his own too late.

I saw some review here and there that say Sang Ge should hate this husband of her. That the story glorifies a woman's sacrifice and loyalty towards a man who did her dirty. In my point of view, this is just a story about war, sacrifice and guilt. It is very humane in some way. Human heart never works in a black or white, it has more shade than just that. To said it glorify would belittle the sacrifice she makes based on her choice, even as a character.

For all the trainwreck that happened, An Zi Wu can be seen as a righterous man. The rebellion he raised was against a tyranical reign, and for the people he fight, not for his own shady ambition. The scene at the top of the fortress is the final nail in the coffin. You can see she is not that bitter, she understand what the cost of that war, she understand perfectly her life is the last thing that stood in his way. Sang Ge at most is quite detached, but her act of sacrifice, I don't think she have resentment in her heart. And the marquis, he may plan the act long ago, but perhaps it never occur to him that he will grow fond of this wife he set up as a sacrificial lamb. It is truly too late to show his fear for her at that fortress. The classic of you never know what you have until it's gone.

From then on, we watch him drowning in guilt. Maybe he saw her eyes at that time, maybe he saw the smile and the way she always willing to die for him to help him achieve his dream. This new emperor naming his reigning era in the combination of his tittle and her name. Give her a lavish burial excedeed one for an empress. Never take another wife nor concubine. He chase her shadow everywhere because it is too late when the last time he chase her as a person. What a foolish man.

"Sang Ge being your wife in this lifetime, towards me, be it real affection, be it insincere feelings, I am still your wife. Should there be a day, you leave. I will definitely wait for you."

His eyelids hangs low, sinking into silence for a long time. "Wait for me then"

Bet he didn't know this simple promise last longer than just one war. Last longer than just one life.

Serve him right actually. An Zi Wu should learn his lesson about cherishing someone at your side before they gone in the hardest way possible. Must be painful. Quite poetic when she is the one who promised to stay at his side even in death, in the end, he is also the one who can't let her go. She is the only person he want at his side. They both have sad fate. Both deserve a meme of life is suck.

"But where is the path to retreat? The war already started, striving forth, still contains a glimmer of hope, and should I give up, not even a glimmer of hope will be left." His voice if very tightly stretched, carrying hoarseness like sorrow, like pain. "Sang Ge, yet you were too stubborn to even give me the chance to save you."

Perhaps it was for a better that Sang Ge lingering around, following him everywhere, and witnessing his misery. To see what he actually think of her and how her death bring him so much guilt it consume him thoroughly. She finally can see how he murmurs her name in his sickbed. How he begged her to take him away.

When he realise she always waiting, all that left only for him to return to her. And precisely that he will gladly do. I believe he end his life that night.

Finally returning to her side.