#I hate living like this I hate being constantly scared (and rightfully so) I hate how my surroundings visibly change before my eyes

[binders-and-beanies]

Dyspraxia is so so scary I just spent an hour walking around lost in a place I’m in very regularly. Almost called 911 bc I didn’t know how I would get home. And now I just have to go to work (while I’m also in immense physical pain from walking that long with a full backpack)

[some-pers0n]

I'm gonna be blunt and say that I really don't think a lot of people kinda get these two characters. Sure, yeah, there'll be people like "Psshh no?? Me?? I know exactly who these guys are" and like, yeah maybe you do. Maybe you'll read this while nodding your head and whatnot. Maybe you won't.

Either way, I think there's a decent amount of people who don't...get Qibli and Winter. I mainly see it in shipping stuff. I know it's kinda idiotic to go looking for character stuff in shipping-- you know what?? No. I think it's perfectly sound logic to try and look for meaningful character writing in ship stuff, especially with fanfics. I've got that aroace mindset where I can only comprehend a ship if it has a clear and exact thematical and character-driven purpose.

Anywho, I think there's something to be craved with how Qinter is talked about in the fandom. I think there's something in general to be desired when discussing Qibli and Winter in general (or, hell, most of the characters) or other ships they're in, but I want to discuss Qinter mainly as a means to view them through the lens of a relationship. Some sort of duo and pair. Two young dragonets trying to survive.

Winter and Qibli come from incredibly similar backgrounds. That sounds ridiculous at a first glance, but when you think about it, they do. They both were raised with terrible parents who held them to an unrealistic standard that neither really wanted to be.

Winter was forced to become a child soldier and be the best of the best, despite his best rightfully not being absolutely perfect and having a ton of heart and soul in him. Ironically enough, his sheer loyalty to his friends that he displays later would be commended in the IceWing army, but is only looked down upon because he's showing anything other than pure apathy at existence and disgust when confronted with the other tribes. Winter is a kind soul who was shaped and twisted into becoming somebody far meaner to fit the idea of what his parents wanted him to be. It's a mask he wears to fit in. To be at least be tolerated by the dragons he only wants the approval from.

Qibli was raised in the slums of Scorpion Den. The back alleys and dark, seedy streets that are avoided. He had to fit the build of a thief. A petty pickpocket that lurks around like his family, doing nothing more than swiping whatever goods they could get their hands on. Qibli was kind and sweet, which obviously was a terrible sin in the eyes of his family. Like Winter, this planted a seed of wanting to be loved, although to a significantly larger extent than Winter felt. Qibli became obsessed with the idea of being loved as he hated being seen as nothing. He wanted nothing more than to be praised and admired because of just how neglected he was. So, he pretends to be somebody likable. Somebody who others care about. A mask to conceal the dragon he feels can never be loved.

Because of their backgrounds, they feel at odds when they're introduced to one another. Qibli is the laid-back jokester type while Winter is snarly and angry. Thanks to Moon's powers though, we get a look into them even before their book.

We see that Qibli is paranoid and his brain is constantly trying to predict others. He's always in a state of stress and fear, putting on a performance to try and be liked and see which dragons are the biggest threats to him. He's never gotten used to living outside of the crime-filled Scorpion Den, and the memories of childhood where he had to lay awake thinking that some dragon who his mother stole from will murder them all in their sleep remain. He's scared and afraid.

Winter managed to convince himself that he is this mean and nasty dragon, but really he's not. There's moments of hesitancy in MR from him. He's also just. generally not really that much in the wrong in the book. Sorry my Winter Apologist side is coming out but y'all hate too much on a character who was just kinda mean for some random dragon he only knew for a couple days at most by then doing stuff that was very suspicious. Yeah obviously Moon is the protagonist and we like her and know the full context, but Winter?? He doesn't know anything!

I digress however. They're in. not the best of states. Sure, yeah, Qibli had ran from Vulture and Cobra and was now Thorn's adoptive son of sorts, but he was obsessed with Thorn to the point of almost blind worship. He hailed her as some grand dragon because he had never been loved before. Being loved by somebody felt incomprehensible. He wants to repay it since he feels like he doesn't deserve it.

Winter on the other hand has just gotten away from a terrible situation, where his family more or less just hates him. They hate him so much it's not even funny. Winter had gotten Hailstorm, somebody who Winter loved and admired, was stolen away by the SkyWings and presumed dead for years because of him. He blames himself. He constantly thinks that he should've been the one taken away instead. He doesn't see himself worthy to live, especially not compared to Hailstorm. Hailstorm is charming, smart, strong, and better in every capacity to Winter. How could he ever live up to that?

Their shared flaw is that they feel inadequate. They feel as though there's something inherently flawed with themselves, something that they need to hide away. It was shaped because of their similar backstories, where they were neglected and abused and put down because of them never being able to meet the unreasonable expectations placed on them. Because of this trauma, their personalities in the present are shaped to try and fit in.

It's only by being with the Jade Winglet do they begin to unlearn those habits. I would imagine that, in moments where they chat with each other for the first real time (not fighting or anything), they...notice how alike they are. Like holding up a mirror to themselves. Despite how differing their personalities are, they feel one in the same. The other side of the coin.

It's why I think Qinter really works as something more than a cheap means for comedic relief. They bounce off each other really well and in an interesting way, which makes for their interactions feeling a lot more meaningful when they put away the act and show and are genuine. I honestly think that they would want to help each other out. They see themselves in the other and don't want them to feel like they have to do this, but they can't even save themselves.

It's only with time however. Healing is a process. It's sure as hell hard to do it all alone. It's why I love a lot the themes of friendship and togetherness in arc 2 especially. All of the POVs learn how to be more confident and sure of themselves through their friends. I just wish that Qinter was talked about in a more intellectually stimulating way than "yellow boy laughs at blue boy for being angsty teen"

[beanghostprincess]

Can you elaborate on shanks being rightfully blamed for shuggy break up? I’m genuine

Okay, so it's not that he's "rightfully blamed". When people say Shanks did nothing wrong, they're completely right. He did absolutely nothing wrong. He's an angel. Shanks, if you're reading this, I love you. In fact, his POV when it comes to his relationship with Buggy is equally heartbreaking if not even more painful and confusing. What I mean when I constantly say Buggy is rightfully angry and resentful, is not that Shanks deserves to be hated, I'm just saying that I understand Buggy perfectly. And even if Shanks doesn't deserve to be treated this way, Buggy's feelings are perfectly understandable.

Buggy has lived as Shanks' shadow his whole life. He had to give up on his dream because Shanks was the chosen one to keep Roger's legacy alive. He gave Shanks the straw hat, and not Buggy. As we can see in the flashback in chapter 1082, it's noticeable that it was not a one time thing. Shanks was constantly seen as brighter, smarter, braver, etc. Buggy was just in the background. And you know what? He was okay with that as long as he followed Shanks, because they were best friends and if Shanks achieved his dream, Buggy would too. He gave up on his dream to follow Shanks instead because he accepted he would never be seen as somebody like him. And you can blame Buggy and say "It's not Shanks' fault that he felt inferior! He could've fought for his dream instead!" but dude, sometimes people are fucking tired of fighting when nobody else is supporting them. It's just... Understandable. And he was a kid. You know how fucking painful it is to be neglected and see how much love your best friend received? From your dad of all people.

And then Buggy thinks "Fuck it, gonna go the easy way. I'll just follow this map and sell this devil fruit". But then Shanks' appears and he makes him eat the devil fruit and lose the map. "But it wasn't Shanks' fault! He literally did nothing and it was Buggy who got scared and ate the thin-" it's a metaphor. It's not hard to understand. It's- It's symbolism turned into a literal plot. Shanks' mere existence (appearing right behind Buggy when he was about to go follow his dream) made Buggy lose his independence as a pirate (made him eat a devil fruit, making him unable to swim an d be on his own. He's literally now hated by the sea, a pirate's home) and lose the path to his dream (quite literally, lose the map). Shanks did absolutely nothing to hurt Buggy, but Buggy's feelings toward him are understandable. It's the way envy and jealousy affect people. Mostly kids/teens. And this literally ruined Buggy's life forever. He can't even go to Laugh Tale, and even if Shanks stays with him, he can't go because of his Devil Fruit (I mean, not canon yet, but quite obviously real already, c'mon). And that's just gonna give Buggy more reasons to be resentful.

Then Roger (their captain. Their dad) dies. Gets executed in front of them. Buggy sees this as an opportunity to be his legacy, so of course he trusts Shanks to do it. It's obvious in the way he talks about it that he was going to follow Shanks, or at least trust him in his journey. But then Shanks hesitates. We don't know exactly why (maybe he knew something back then. Maybe he knew they weren't ready yet. Maybe he was scared. Whatever) but he hesitates. He doubts. And Buggy, who sees Shanks as this powerful force and as the brightest pirate of all (because he has lived in his shadow for so long), of course gets angry. It isn't fair that everyone sees Shanks as the brightest when he's the one hesitating about following their dream. It isn't fair that Buggy, the one who believes in Shanks and their dream, is the one looked down upon.

Idk, I don't think Buggy hates Shanks either. It's just that his mere existence hurts too much to be with him. And tbh I find leaving somebody for that extremely valid.

[sarnai4]

Cake and Eat It

I really like Avatar the Last Airbender. That said, I'm not under the belief that it's perfect and has no hopes of every being improved. So, I wasn't opposed to it getting another live action remake in show form to explore some areas more. Unfortunately, the changes that were made (in my opinion) were often to the detriment of the story. Ultimately, my main issue was that the Netflix show wanted to have its cake and eat it too. On one hand, you need to separate it from the original to accept it. You're not supposed to think, "Azula's fire isn't blue like it's supposed to be. I hate this." It's its own thing and wants to be that; however, it wants you to say, "Oh no, Momo! I don't want you to get hurt because I remember all of the fun moments in the cartoon!" It contradicts itself.

In the Kiyoshi Island episode, we're supposed to laugh at Sokka for getting shown up by Suki. Why? Because he was being sexist? He wasn't really. We're meant to remember what he did in the cartoon and use that to influence us. Before, Sokka basically mocked the warriors and was rightfully shown that he should respect them. Here, he acknowledged both Suki and himself as warriors. At worst, he was pumping himself up for no reason, but he never put them down. Suki showing up the person who clearly isn't as skilled makes her seem a little harsh and then having him slink off with his tail between his legs doesn't make it as impactful like when Sokka in the original went back, apologized sincerely, and asked to be taught.

Later in the same episode, I didn't really buy that Aang gave them hope either. We saw him running with some younger kids once, then spend time with Kyoshi. The cartoon had him spend days basking in all his Avatar glory with his fan base. It makes sense that they'd be happy to have him there because their island was named after one of his past lives. This one doesn't have that happen, yet we're still expected to believe that the kid they didn't want who caused them as much danger as they expected would somehow make them happy and hopeful.

For Omashu, we're supposed to believe that Sokka and Katara have this sibling tension, but they haven't. I remember listening to their argument, wondering what they were talking about. Sokka was saying how Katara is constantly naive, but we didn't see that. We saw them argue in the cartoon because Katara took on the mother role despite being his little sister and Sokka took the protector role despite being a child. It put them at odds at times, but they still loved the heck out of each other. I don't believe it simply because they say to.

We're supposed to feel bad for Aang when Bumi is angry with him since he ran away...but he didn't. This scene was impactful in "The Storm" because Aang knowingly left, scared of the responsibilities. How can I be mad at this child for trying to clear his head and just having bad timing? It makes Bumi look cruel for no reason and doesn't give Aang the appropriate amount of guilt he reasonably would have felt in the cartoon.

So, going forward, I hope that they don't rely so much on the original. There are changes I did like, but when they try to cut out scenes and act like they exist because they did in the cartoon, I feel like that's cheating. Don't ask me to remember character moments from the cartoon in order to feel something here. If they didn't bond here, I won't use their bonds from before to color my perception.

[actuallycassidyiambusy]

I know it might be a bit early, but I'm so obsessed with your writing, I was wondering if you had a name for your buggy x Luffy serial killer au yet? And is that one next in like after the demon au? Even though I lowkey don't want that one to end lol

Okay so I will share a few things to know about my serial killer au.

It's definitely still a work in progress bc thrillers/horror always take a little more time to plot imo.

The title is "Dead To Me"

Buggy is very deranged in it, but so is Luffy. They match each other's freak fr🙏🏻

It's a cat and mouse type romance with the roles switching constantly. Yes, Buggy will be scared of Luffy sometimes, too!

It'll be gory and psychological.

Major characters will die.

I'm still piecing everything together, but yes, this fic will come some time after Rite Of Penance is complete.

A lot of Buggy's mannerisms will be the same as he is in the live action.

A brief summary of the story:

Luffy is a 21 year old college student who is obsessed with a recent string of horrific murders in his state. Recordings of the killers laugh and voice played all over the internet and television send Luffy into a fanatic spiral.

Being a forensics major, he's always had an appetite for the dark and deranged. Blood is attractive to him and no one else has understood that until now. Each new kill has Luffy more infatuated than the last. His grandfather, Garp, is the head detective on the case, so it's not hard for Luffy to steal the files.

Folders and pictures scattered all over his one bedroom dorm, Luffy discovers that each disgusting kill is unique, but finishes off with a smile sliced ear to ear. A gorgeous signature. Among the files, Luffy gets a personal glimpse of his killer. Tall and built. Blue hair, wild blue/green eyes and a face painted like a clown. He's beautiful. Hard to miss, yet so elusive. Late thirties easily. Just Luffy's type.

The obsession consumes Luffy entirely, distancing him from his concerned friends and making him skip his classes. He never lets anyone into his dorm and he spends all of his time figuring out where the clown will strike next. What attracts him to a victim? Where does he go to have the time to be so precise and artistic?

Days and nights studying patterns and areas around the previous murders, Luffy makes an educated guess. When he turns out to be right, he feels an intense connection to the killer. One so undeniable that this clown MUST know who he is. The fantasy of being noticed and adored by a man who hates everyone else is enough to drive Luffy into desperation.

What better way to get your soul mate's attention than to pay homage to their craft?

In an attempt to impress his love, Luffy lures his study partner to his dorm, kidnapping them and taking them to an abandoned warehouse. However, this being his first kill, Luffy is sloppy and rushed, making noticable mistakes.

Upon seeing the hacked body on the news later that week, and listening to the reporters say he's losing his nerve, the killer is rightfully enraged. He's being mocked all over the country by some amateur. His name is attached to that disgrace of a kill. After stabbing a knife into his tv, the killer decides he's going to find the idiot frat boy smearing his name with shit, and he's going to start his hunt on that college campus.

[the-1who-n3vr-writes]

A/n: This is not a request or anything, just something i wanted to write since i haven’t done ANY requests whatsoever.. haha.

Gangle, Ragatha, Jax, and Pomni with a Motherly sweet!Reader who’s taller than everyone.

~Gangle~

When you first arrived, you kind of scared her. You scared her from your height. How could someone be so tall?, you tower over everyone. Including KINGER!

she tried to honestly avoid you. But your motherly presence lured her in.

100% took her a while to even speak a word to you

Slowly, she realises how comforting you actually are. How.. motherly you are.

How your voice just sounds so soft and genuine, how comforting it sounds

She liked your voice. A lot.

She loves your room and how the room was just rightfully themed jellyfish

She got used to you eventually, she liked it whenever you put her under your wing to protect her from jax’s evil pranks.

Honestly, thats what made her lured and more comfortable around you. The way you protected her from jax, or any type of danger that could hurt her or break her comedy mask.

You would also fix her comedy mask whenever it broke, and after you fix it, it looks like it hasn’t been broken at all, which she appreciates a BUNCH.

She would show you the drawings she drew to you and she liked how many compliments she’d get from you just for a small doodle.

She would go to you whenever she was feeling sad, or whenever she couldn’t sleep, because your voice is just so soothing to her ears.

She doesn’t realise it, but she’s slowly seeing you as her mother.

Because of you, she started being more joyful.

———

Ragatha

Man, when you arrived to the circus, you two immediately connected. You as a mother figure who’s comforting, and ragatha who’s like the older sister figure.

Even though your towering structure scared her for atleast a LITTLE bit.

You were the one she trusted the most out of everyone. You were like her best friend.

When you two got closer, she slowly started opening up to you. Speaking to you about her doubts, her worries, and you were there, listening and comforting her just like a mother.

She liked it whenever when you were trying to help her sleep, you would gently sing out a calming lullaby you wrote yourself, she loved whenever you sang it. It was her favourite lullaby.

She usually did hard and great things just to hear you complimenting whatever she did, saying things that made her feel like a kid who just won at a schools event. It made her feel appreciated, and loved.

She called you mom once, was never able to live through that again even though you constantly reassured her that its okay.

Although, sometimes, she would feel a tad bit funny whenever you babied her, it felt like she never experienced that kind of affection before. (COUGH COUGH, mommy issues. COUGH COUGH)

She would depend on you whenever something happened to her that made her feel confused or feel like shit.

(Add on, when she first entered your room and realised that it was underwater sea themed with jelly fish lamps, lights, etc.. lets just say she lived in your room for a while.)

Feeling sad?, she goes to you. Feeling mad?, she goes to you. Feeling happy?, she goes to you. Whatever she was feeling, she would always go to you.

She really appreciates you. Like.. seriously.

She loved whenever she was feeling sad and she didn’t wanna talk, you would put cookies under her door. She loved eating food that you cooked, it actually made her feel like she was tasting actual cookies despite not having taste buds like everyone else..

———

Jax

He actually absolutely HATED you when you arrived. You kept stopping him from doing his pranks he calls “jokes”

You also scared the absolute living shit out of him from how tall you were, he actually jumped off the ground with his feet.

It terrified him a LITTLE bit (a lot) whenever your shadow loomed over his figure when you were behind him. Of course, he would never show it. Blud has a reputation and he is NOT ruining it

He hated how you would bribe him out from doing mean shit to everyone ESPECIALLY gangle. It irritated him a lot because of it. (But that didn’t stop him from being an asshole and tripping people over.)

You were EVERYWHERE. He couldn’t even prepare any big prank on anywhere because you wouldn’t allow him to.

Although, he slowly got used to you bit by bit. Rolling his eyes whenever you lightly scolded him for breaking gangles mask again.

He slowly started to adjust to you. Eventually even finding himself glance over to find you, just to make sure you were there.

He would NEVER, NEVER in his LIFE will admit that sometimes even he wanted to hold your hand, wanting to be embraced closely in your motherly comforting arms..

“Can i hug you..?” “What?” “I SAID CAN YOU LOOK A LESS UGLIER!”

He will whisper things unconsciously and deny he ever said anything

(He never melts in the end, sadly)

———

Pomni

Terrified. Absolutely terrified.

Thats her first emotion when she first saw you. She was shivering her timbers.

Will scream and run away when approached by you /srs

You went NUTS trying to find out what you did wrong and she knows

Ah, shit, now she feels bad

If you so happened to end up in that hell hole before pomni, you reassured her first ever and she appreciated it (kind off…)

But over time, pomni slowly shifts to being more comfortable around you

Yes, she’s still nervous around you from your height and shit, but less scared and now acknowledge your comforting presence

Now oftens visits your room when she gets overstimulated by everyone

She was absolutely ASTONISHED by your room

Pomni then decided to live there.

Wasn’t bothered at the way ragatha also visited you

Ragatha + pomni = siblings. You = mom

Even when she wasn’t feeling all well, you helped her understand and calm down, she appreciated how you made her feel validated without any crucial responses

Well, congrats because now you have a little anxiety filled daughter.

Called you mom once

She couldn’t stop apologising after that even when you assured her many times that it was okay

——————

A/n: im so sorry everyone, i cant do anymore characters!!, this has been sitting in my drafts for.. a WHILE WHILE. as so uhm… hope you enjoyed! (I PROMISE I’VE BEEN WRITING DOWN ALL YOUR REQUESTS RN)

[antonblastdeluxe]

I was there for some of the SU freaks from 2018-2020 but PLEASE feel free to regale, I'm here to relive & be mad /LH SILLY

Ngl I think I'll use this ask as an opportunity to give everyone Kirm lore™️. The SU bulletpoint WILL be here but;

Semi-cognitive 'Kirm Bullies People :(' saga;

tldr: Back in mid-late 2018, freshly 18 me took notice of this particular person who was vagueblogging my friends in the RPC (roleplay community, think of it like a collaborative fanfic community if you're unaware) on the basis that my friends didn't want to interact with this person. After I decided to do some digging I decided to confront this person (who was well over 10 years my age) and told them to stop. And I left it at that.

Later I found out that were posting our private dms in their personal server and many of my friends told me other things about this person and how they were scared to speak up, so I naturally did some digging and found out this person was. Blatantly homophobic. Like, 'I respect gays but don't condone their lifestyle' homophobia. So, I called them out. Things snowballed and I was sort of thrust into the position of 'make callouts on weirdos.

Things that happened to me in 2018-2021 (broadly). Please note that every callout I have vocally supported / assisted in creating had plenty of evidence to prove the wrongdoings of folks;

I was told I'd go to jail and look 'good in orange' for calling out this guilttripping homophobe by somebody who was pregnant at the time. Yes, she took time out of her day to cry about somebody cyberbullying her homophobic friend instead of spending time with her partner.

Another homophobe (who was later revealed to be anti B/_M and pro-trum///p, fun) going up to bat and constantly trying to smear me while victimizing herself for years

Somebody I told off for forcing nsfw content on people because they forced their 30+ female mario character rp blogs that oversexualized them onto people at random decided to stalk me for multiple months and tried to rally a hate forum to harass me by using a family vacation photo I posted.

Was called the R slur for putting an ableist transphobe on blast

I was called 'elitist' and 'fac1st' by another pro-trum///p jackass because I called them weird for being very passive aggressive towards people not wanting to interact with them

Pr0-cop weirdo & friends got very very mad at me for taking a screenshot of a public blog and tried to frame me as a 'rich white woman who'd never be profiled by c0ps', tried to threaten multiple people in the rpc, including poc, of reporting their 'IPs to the p0lice for cyberstalking'

Basically being called a stalker, harasser, bully, etc for just taking screenshots and informing people of what URLs to block

Somebody who likes hp a lot and victimizes themselves over liking it apparently talking shit about me to this day because I rightfully grilled them for supporting an abuser a few years back

Broadly speaking, the SU rpc hates me because I assisted in boosting callouts against their 'golden gooses'. You know, the people who fetishmined and guilt-tripped as if they were being paid for it. Also a lot of oc drama and a golden goose accusing somebody of oc theft because they made an oc of the same rock they used, fun. I was accused of writing a callout I didn't even write because one of these golden geese recognized me in a rpc and screamed, despite the fact if you read that callout you would've known I didn't write it because the author identified themselves.

Also if anybody 'recognizes' themselves from this post, didn't you accuse me of being a stalker for looking at your blog and gathering evidence for like, a week at post. Why are you still here. Or, if you're a friend of any of these people in 2023 for some reason, fuck off, you're only giving your friend more stress by being their messenger. You're a shitty friend. Lol. Poor Kirm living in your head, still? Pay me reparations, lmao.

[satelitis]

꒰ HERMES ꒱ . . . talk to me! tell me about your day, your current hyperfixation or whatever’s on your mind :) please don’t vent!!

RAHHHH i hate the cherik mfs. “christine should’ve chosen erik idc!” but if u were in christine’s position u would’ve absolutely cared?? she is a victim of abuse and it is so fucking disgusting how many people still romanticize cherik despite her never once showing any romantic attraction towards him at all, and the kiss doesn’t count because she did it as a last resort in hopes of him atleast letting raoul go and every single thought and feeling she has in this book is constantly ignored because she’s meant to be this damsel is distress, especially in the movie, which i feel is overlooking her character and what she’s gone through?? nobody in the story has actually cared what she thinks and what she wants because she’s beautiful and sings nice, which immediately erases anything she’s thinking because it simply doesn’t matter to anybody anymore, both in the fandom and in the book/musical/movie/any adaptation. it’s also annoying as fuck how everyone’s trying to justify erik’s actions by bringing up everything raoul did wrong, but erik is the one who actually abused christine. first he pretends to be the angel of music to gain christine’s trust, meaning he’s been lying to her since the moment they first met, and also using her dead father to manipulate her into trying to make her fall in love with him, and not taking no as an answer. it’s also rlly important to remember infatuation can be different than love in christine’s case. she was infatuated with the idea of him being an angel sent by her dead father, she wasn’t in love with erik. in most adaptations, christine is between the ages of 15 and 20, and the phantom is always over 30, this can count as grooming (directed at the mocie) despite the age christine is still a student and he is still her teacher, he has a position of power over her that other characters like raoul or meg or mme giry don’t have. “angel or father, friend or phantom, who is it there staring?” — direct quote from wandering child in act 2. she’s still confused about who he is and if he’s going to hurt her or not and what his intentions for her are. multiple songs in the musical also clearly demonstrate how scared she is of him, and rightfully so, after he murdered multiple people around her, some even in front of her, and kidnapped her twice. not to mention how he also tried to kill raoul, her fiancé, several times. the conversation she has with raoul on the rooftop in the book, she’s hesitant to be there because she has no privacy and erik is always watching her in some way so she can’t even talk to raoul for a few minutes without fearing for her life. back to the kiss in the final lair, despite how many interpretations there are, she has always cursed his name in the few moments leading up to kiss, and she only ever actually kissed him because she didn’t know if he was going to hurt her or not, it must’ve been terrifying for a 20 year old to have to kiss a man she doesn’t actually know as an attempt to save her life and possibly raouls. in the book the lives of countless parisians have been placed in her hands and erik is actively trying to force her to marry him as she can hear raoul in the torture chamber every so often simultaneously, knowing she can’t even help him. the mfs who try to tell me this isn’t abuse are the same mfs who only like the phantom because they think he’s hot 😕

꒰ HERMES ꒱ . . . talk to me! tell me about your day, your current hyperfixation or whatever’s on your mind :) please don’t vent!!

OH MY GOD TOOK THE WORDS RIGHT OUTA MY MOUTH and the cherik stan’s are the hostile ones who get defensive bc they know deep down that christine belongs w raoul and NOT FUCKING ERIK

[auroracalisto]

a beautiful kind of fear

summary: a one shot with elijah and the reader with the prompt, “I never hated you, you just make me feel things I don’t understand.”  in which elijah and the reader reconcile with their past.  

pairing: elijah x reader

word count: 1.2k words

warnings: slight canon divergence, mentions of reader being a vampire, unrequited love, happy ending 

a/n: this is my entry for #happy2021promptchallenge (created by @hellotvshowtrash​) 

Elijah was silent, keeping a watchful eye on you as you downed your glass of water.  You bounced your leg as you sat, your eyes never once meeting his.  

“It’s been some time, hasn’t it, [Your name]?” he asked.  

He was right.  The last time you saw him was 1984, a few weeks before the American presidential election.  You had left in a hurry, and you hadn’t bothered to look back.  You were an adult—you were far over 150 years old, to be precise.  You knew how to take care of yourself.  

You cleared your throat, sitting your glass down on the coffee table.  “Yeah,” you said.  At that, you finally allowed yourself to look at the man.

He wasn’t smiling, and you could tell he was just thinking of what to say next.  You knew what you wanted to say; you had had several decades to decide.  But would you ever tell him?  

Your palms felt clammy, which was odd.  A vampire doesn’t sweat, but here you were, as nervous as all Hell knows.  

“What have you been doing?  I hear that you’ve moved back to Mystic Falls, for good.  Is that true?”

“For the most part,” you admitted.  “I had lived in L.A. for a while, but I… wanted to come back to someplace familiar.  I didn’t know the Mikaelsons had already claimed it as their own, again.”

He chuckled softly.  “There it is.  I was wondering when you would say something like that,” he breathed through a tight lipped smile.  “[Your name], why did you leave?”

You looked at him, confused.  What was he on about?

“I needed to get away.  I felt suffocated.”

“Did you leave because of me?”

You slowly blinked at the Original, leaning forward on the sofa.  “What?”

“Do you hate me, [Your name]?” he asked, sitting a glass of whiskey down in front of him.  “I have been trying my hardest to figure out why you left us.  We had given you so much and then you up and left, without a word to me.  I…”

You frowned, rubbing your hands on your jeans.  “No… Elijah—”

“—did Rebekah tell you how long I looked for you?”

You blushed and averted your gaze. 

“Did anyone tell you I tried to find you?” he cleared his throat.  He was a little embarrassed by his brazen admissions, but he couldn’t back down now.  “Do you hate me?”  He repeated his question from earlier, wanting an answer.  

Your eyes softened and you leaned back into the cushions.  “No.  I…  I never hated you, you just make me feel things I don’t understand.  Even to this day, I don’t understand them.”

He stopped for just a moment, squeezing his eyes shut.  “You… what are you saying?  You left because you couldn’t figure out how you were feeling?”

Your eyes widened.  “Well, I—I mean, I realize now that maybe I could have figured it out, Elijah, but you were busy with Klaus.  You all were and constantly are worried about Klaus.  I can’t tell you how many times I received word about shit that Klaus has done.  And here, he’s searching for some doppelganger?  Do neither of you remember what Katherine could have done to you?”

“That’s not the conversation, [Your name].”

“No, it’s not.  But could you imagine a newer vampire trying to figure out the world and realizing that they could die on the daily because of the Originals they were around, who ultimately could not be killed, but could certainly be staked?  I would have been left alone had Klaus decided to dagger you.  I had so many reasons to run.  I had… I had so many reasons to stay, though, as well.  I just…” you looked at him for a moment.  “You would have been my only reason for staying, Elijah.”

“Then why didn’t you?”

“I should have, Elijah.”

He averted his gaze, falling back onto the pillows behind him.  He ran a hand through his neatly combed hair, frowning all the while.  “What couldn’t you figure out?  What did I make you feel?”

You fiddled with your thumbs for a moment, thinking of what you could say that wouldn’t make the situation more awkward than it was.  

“Elijah, I was in love with you back then.”

This caught his attention, and he stared right at you.  

“I think I still am.  But… but I don’t want you to feel like you have to say anything in return.  It was silly of me to run.  It was dumb of me to think that I couldn’t figure it out.”  You closed your eyes, rubbing your forehead with the back of your hand.  “I should have never got up and left.  Everything you did for me made me anxious.  You were so kind to me.  And for what?  I just…”

“Did you ever stop to think that I might have felt the same way?”

You stopped, looking right at him.  You realized that he hadn’t taken his eyes away from yours, not once.  

“Did you ever think that perhaps, if you had just talked to me…”

“I did, Elijah.”  You sighed softly, crossing your arms over your chest.  “I cannot tell you how many times I woke up in the middle of the night, wondering what you would have said, had I just walked up and told you that I didn’t know what was going on, but… that I thought I liked you.  I guess my subconscious was right.”

“You never hated me,” he repeated, “I just made you feel things that you didn’t understand.”  His eyes were filled with an emotion you don’t often see—or at least, you hadn’t seen it since the two of you were friends decades ago.  “That’s why you left?  You thought that I wouldn’t understand, myself?”

“Elijah, I realize, now, that it wasn’t a good reason.  And I am so sorry.  Had… had I’d known when you’d invited me to your home that we would be having a heart-to-heart, I would have brought a good wine,” you sighed, pinching the bridge of your nose.  

He chuckled softly, shaking his head.  “I… I am not upset.  After all, I’m immortal.  I just… After all this time, I thought you had left because you hated me.”

“You’re not upset?” you furrowed your eyebrows, looking towards him once more.  

“How could I be upset?  I… [Your name], I love you, too.  It crushed me when you left.  I didn’t know why.  But… but now I understand.  And if I am being honest, I can comprehend why you left without a word.  You were scared.  And rightfully so.  My brothers and sister can be a handful.  But… this time, [Your name].  This time, please don’t leave without a word.”

Your eyes were wide as you stared him down.  A part of you couldn’t believe the words that came out of his mouth, but the rest of your body buzzed with a nervous excitement.  He loved you back.  All this time had been wasted because of your irrevocable fear that you would never be able to figure out your feelings.    All this time, he believed you hated him.  

You got to your feet, going over to sit beside the man.  He sat up, keeping his eyes on yours.  You leaned over and pressed a soft kiss to his cheek, a million thoughts running through your mind.  But one thing was for sure.  

“I won’t be going anywhere, this time.”

[purplefair]

s.r. | relationship headcannons! :)

i mean, obvi not requested, but here we go!

pairing: steve rogers x reader

gn! reader, no pronouns are used.

warnings: none! unless you’re uncomfortable with a little smuttiness.

I FUCKING LOVE THIS PICTURE-✨😫💖💞💓

ugh, he would adore you.

you two are the badass, annoying lovey-dovey couple that everyone hates, but can’t help but ship anyway.

on missions he’s so scared of you getting hurt that he occasionally all the time makes sure you okay through coms.

don’t get me wrong, he knows you’re fully capable of taking care of yourself, but he can’t help but get worried bc his BABY IS OUT THERE KICKING ASS-

he won’t coddle you tho, he will hold your ass accountable.

if you’re training together he will go softer on you by instinct, but he’ll stop once he knows it pisses you off.

getting hot and bothered during training.

when he has you pinned to the mat you kiss him to catch him off guard and flip him over. ;)

you being rightfully pissed off if he were to ever compare you to peggy during an argument.

a wee bit sexual: (for smaller readers) he lives for the size difference between you. if you do the hand comparison thing, he’ll blush a little bit.

listening to new music together! (make him listen to WAP, i dare you. the reaction would be PRICELESS)

trying newer recipes, bc the food they had before going in the ice- ew.

also going back to music, sLOW DANCING TOGETHER TO FRANK SINATRA OR NAT KING COLE- (who is criminally underrated btw 😤)

bucky and sam and even tony making fun of him bc of how whipped and soft he is for you- 💀 not while you’re around of course.

steve thinks you’re so badass (which you are 💅🏻✨)

getting insanely jealous if someone were to flirt with him in front of you. (Y/N: 👊🏻😠)

he is not the best at expressing emotion, he feels as though you’ll think of less of him, it’s not really asinine to imply since he did grow up when a man had to be “tough and manly”which meant not really expressing emotion. but also feels like he has a reputation to upkeep since he’s “big, boss man-“

but of course you help him realize that it’s okay to open up and express emotion.

“it’s not 1940 anymore, times have changed.”

SEXY TIME:

absolutely does not want to hurt you.

oH GOD- introducing him to new kinks would be an EXPERIENCE-

for ex:

“steve?” he turns to look over at you, “i want to try something.” steve quirks a brow, curious. “well, what is it?” “i want you to choke me.”

steve: 😳 “you want me to what-“

he’s a little scared, but willing to try it.

will CONSTANTLY ASK if you’re okay, if it feels good, if he’s hurting you, etc.

overall, an amazing lover.

i really hope y’all liked it! my first time writing something an actually posting it, a little nervous- 😅

it’s also really short- 💀🤚🏻

[ladyloptr]

•The Noisy Neighbor•

Request: twt@LOKIBARBZ (So, we literally had a whole discussion over this, therefore, I’ll just make a summmary of this.) Loki moves into an apartment in NYC, recently being officiated as an Avenger after some pleading from Thor. He is comfortable in his apartment, as it’s nice and quiet, until a loud new neighbor moves in next door. He slowly goes mad, until one day he seeks to end the nonsense once and for all.

Fandom: MCU AU

Pairing: Loki x Reader

Warnings: Smut, Hate-Sex, Rough-Sex, Angry-Sex, Hair Pulling, Scratching, Choking, Degradation/Name Calling.

{————}

Loki isn’t sure what he expected to be greeted with when he returned to Midgard with his older brother. After the attack on New York City, he wasn’t foolish enough to think they’d welcome him with open arms.

Then again, it’s not like he had much of a choice in coming here.

After waiting in his cell for nearly a year, he was finally placed on trial. They sentenced him to serve his punishment on Midgard, to help The Avengers in their efforts to protect their realm. Among the many different options that the Æsir courts could’ve picked, he’s merely grateful to still be alive.

The Avengers, of course, wouldn’t allow him to take up residency in the tower as a result of his last visit ending in Tony being tossed out of a window. Thankfully, Tony, at the very least, agreed to find him his own apartment somewhere nearby and pay his rent, so long as he behaves himself.

The apartment complex is very nice, and most importantly, quiet. Tony rightfully assumed that it would be wiser to house the God of Chaos in a quiet environment where he’d be least likely to interact with neighbors. The last thing they need right now is for Loki to take it upon himself to permanently silence his Midgardian neighbors for making too much noise.

For a long time, this arrangement worked. Loki typically walks to the tower with headphones in, playing an array of Norwegian music, most of it sung by the artist Aurora. Her music reminds him of home, so he is quite appreciative of her work.

Thor sometimes questions his reasoning for walking instead of teleporting, but Loki finds the walk to be very calming, considering he leaves the apartment early enough to avoid pedestrian traffic. Then late at night, he walks back to his apartment, headphones in, still somewhat aware of his surroundings. Despite what The Avengers constantly say about the city at nighttime, robbery or any kind of assault is of little concern to Loki, considering-well-he’s a literal deity.

Slowly, The Avengers began to warm up to him, with the obvious exception of Natasha and Clint, who are always suspicious of everything. Loki eventually found that he favors the company of Bucky and Wanda, as opposed to the constantly annoying presence of Tony or the self-righteousness of Steve. He also prefers to keep a fair distance from Bruce, much to Bruce’s understanding.

Nothing was amiss, everything was going pretty well.

Until, a new neighbor moves in next door.

Generally, Loki doesn’t care for the ordinary Midgardians that roam the city, he finds them to be incredibly shallow and rather dull. None of them intrigue him in the slightest, and he finds that many of them have an ornate ability to talk much, but at the same time say absolutely nothing.

However, he swears to The Norns that you, the girl who just moved in next door, have been designed specifically to get a rise out of him.

Loki has always been known for his patience and tolerance of others. Even at this chaotic stage in his life, it still truly takes much to get him to snap, but you seem to be naturally gifted at winding him up.

For one, you purposely went out of your way to introduce yourself to him. You went out of your way to bother him, when none of the other neighbors dared to acknowledged him.

Maybe if he were younger he would’ve enjoyed the attention, but now? This Loki likes not being acknowledged, he likes being left alone, and doesn’t care about whoever else is living in this apartment complex.

He doesn’t even really remember what you were saying to him, he just remembers blankly staring down at you for a few minutes and then impolitely shutting the door in your face.

(Unbeknownst to either of you, back on the Bifrost, Heimdall let out a chuckle of amusement.)

Secondly, you’re just too bloody loud. You talk loud, your footsteps are loud, and you play loud music well into the night until one of the other neighbors have to come knocking on your door to tell you to keep it down.

He overheard you rattling off to one of your neighbors in the lobby, and unsurprising to him, you’re pretty young, twenty four, just graduated from NYU, and you have a degree in fashion design-whatever that means. Loki isn’t well informed on Midgardian credentials, and he’d rather not ask Thor (who has a better grasp on degrees thanks to Jane), lest his brother misunderstand his curiosity for infatuation.

Mentally childish, cheery, loud, and obnoxious.

All the things Loki doesn’t like, compressed into one tiny person.

You make him want to turn you into a mouse whenever you’re nearby, and when you speak, sometimes he wishes he could just take a knife and cut out your vocal cords.

It’s such a shame that he finds you so attractive, if only he could tear your face off and place it on another, quieter woman.

On the flip side, you aren’t particularly fond of him either. He always comes off as rude and dismissive. You are convinced he’s the spirit of an old grumpy senior citizen wearing the skin of a beautiful young man.

So, tensions continue to escalate over the course of four months. The loud music, the loud talking, the loud everything.

He could just ask Tony to move him to another apartment complex the moment you began to stoke the fire, but he would rather not concede defeat. Eventually, you’ll be asked to move, with how loud you are and how often you inconvenience the others around you.

But, another month passes and it still hasn’t happened yet.

He’s not sure how long he can put up with this nonsense.

Six months became his limit, after you tested his patience on the wrong day.

That afternoon, Doctor Doom had infiltrated The Avengers tower looking to steal technology from Tony. Doom easily brushed aside the team’s efforts to prevent him from getting anywhere near the lab. With Thor temporarily lending his assistance to Asgard, The Avengers were without one of their strongest members. Loki eventually managed to subdue him, but his seidr was almost completely spent. He was left feeling fatigued and rather irrate.

When he finally returned to his apartment, he was greeted with some much needed peace and quiet. He fell asleep on the couch, too tired to get undressed from his armor or walk to his bedroom.

It wasn’t until you returned home late from a runway show, that his peace was interrupted. He could quite clearly hear your vain and vulgar Midgardian music playing loudly in your apartment nearby.

“I said certified freak.”

“Seven days a week.”

“Wet ass pussy.”

“Make that pull out game weak!”

Finally fed up, Loki exits his apartment, slamming the door shut behind him, and stomping to your front door. He knocks loudly and frantically, eager to get you to shut off that stupid music.

Hearing the knocking on the door, you quickly pause your music, knowing that it’s probably one of your irritated neighbors again. When you open your door, you are greeted with the sight of a scowling deity. You tilt your head and smile at him brightly. “Well, Loki, how may I help you?”

“You may help me by shutting off that incessant, vain, rhythmless dribble you call music.”

“It’s the national anthem. I am paying homage to our country’s independence.”

Loki grimaces, leaning in slightly. “Do you take me for a fool?”

“No, but I take you for someone with an old man mentality.” You raise an eyebrow. “Are you sure you’re not Bill Clinton in a skin suit?”

“It is one in the morning and some of us are tired.” Loki hisses. “Mortals. Always only concerned with themselves, so selfish and blind to the needs of others.”

“Selfish and blind? You’re one to talk.” You cross your arms. “Didn’t you kill like, hundreds of people when you invaded New York City because you wanted a throne?”

Loki’s eyes narrow dangerously at you, as you slowly cross into no-man’s land.

You pout and pretend to cry. “Boohoo, I am Loki, I was born into a rich family, and I was given everything I ever wanted except a throne.” You pretend to wipe your eyes. “So I killed hundreds of innocent humans because I wanted to be king.”

“You have no idea what you speak of, mortal.” Loki growls, his voice low and grave now. He steps forward, passing through your doorway. “You know nothing of me, or what I am capable of.”

“And what are you capable of, Loki?” You ask. “Besides killing hundreds of innocent people because your daddy didn’t like you, of course.”

You are caught off guard when Loki pulls the door shut behind him and locks it. He immediately pins you against the wall by your arms, and glowers down at you.

“Scared, mortal?”

“No.” You answer truthfully. “You don’t scare me anymore. If you really wanted me dead, you would’ve done it already. You’ve gone soft.”

He growls at you, and leans forward, pressing his lips against yours. You hardly have any time to react as he forces his tongue into your mouth. He’s actually surprised when you begin to fight him for dominance, your tongue aggressive pushing against his, and your teeth nibbling on his lips. Eventually, you have to give up your fight, your need for oxygen cutting your fight short.

“Such a shame, a pretty face like yours bound to someone with such an ugly personality.” Loki’s hands release your wrists and slowly travel down to grip your hips.

“Hypocrite.” You say. “Between the two of us, you’re the one with the ugliest personality.”

“You dare to speak to a god in such a way.” Loki groans lowly, grinding himself up against you. You gasp, feeling his erection pressing up against you. “I’ll have you know, where I come from, you’d be punished.”

You let your fingers get tangled in his hair and then you tug on it. You grin as he lets out a soft moan. “Are you telling me you’d like to punish me?”

“I am unsure.” His hands travel up your shirt, and cup your breast. You’re internally grateful that you decided to ditch your bra today. “I have a feeling you’d enjoy it too much.”

Loki stills as your hand travels between the two of you and gently massages the bulge in his pants. “Well, why don’t we find out?”

You yelp in surprise when Loki drags you by your arm to the kitchen. He pushes you to bend over the kitchen counter, pulls your pajama pants down, along with your panties.

A sharp gasp escapes you when he shoves two long fingers inside of you and pumps them steadily inside of you. He continues this until your wetness is practically running down your thighs.

You hear him unbuckle his belt behind you, and soon, he flips you around, so you’re now lying on your back on the counter. You close your eyes as you feel his cock pressing up against your entrance.

“I’m going to break you, fragile mortal.” Loki growls. “I’m going to break you, and relish the moment you come undone underneath me.”

You let out a chuckle, which only serves to irritate him. He enters you in one swift thrust, and you whimper as you feel him stretch you out more than you ever have before.

Loki wraps his fingers around your throat, and begins thrusting hard and fast. He hisses as you drag your nails hard against his neck.

“You should be worshipping me, mortal.” He growls. “You should feel honored that I’m here splitting your quim instead of resting, like I wanted to do.”

“Oh, fuck you spoilt rich brat!” You snap at him.

“Oh, but I am fucking you.” Loki chuckles darkly, tightening his grip around your throat. “And when I’m done, you’ll be positively ruined for any mortal man who tries to lay with you.”

“Bold of you to assume you can make me cum with that weak dick of yours.”

You let out a lewd moan when he changes his angle, his cock head brushing up against your g-spot.

“You were saying, whore?”

“Shut the fuck up. You’re the whore, coming here to fuck someone you don’t even like.”

Loki groans, watching as his cock is literally splitting your cunt. “You asked for this, you stupid girl.”

When you begin to feel a familiar tightening in your stomach, you start to claw and scratch at him, not willing to let him push you over the edge.

“Fight me all you wish to, mortal.” Loki groans in your ear. “You’re going to cum for me, whether you like it or not.”

“I hate you!” You practically scream at him.

“I hate you as well, but here we are.”

You gasp and moan as you feel the coil in your stomach snap. You are somewhat thankful that Loki choking you is preventing you from screaming at the top of your lungs. Loki grunts loudly as he falls over the edge after you, his hips stuttering to a stop as he releases inside of you.

You both stay like that for a few minute, your back on the counter and cum oozing onto your thighs, and Loki resting some of his weight on top of you.

“I might just retire in here for tonight.” Loki grumbles. “I am completely spent.”

“So tired from one round that you can’t walk back to your own apartment?” You chuckle. “You have shitty stamina for a god.”

“I was tired before I arrived here. I said this already.”

You roll your eyes. “Then you should’ve gone to sleep instead of coming here.”

“I wouldn’t have come here if you hadn’t been playing your music loud enough for Asgard to hear!” Loki snaps, biting at your neck in annoyance. You wince. “You’re an obnoxious wrench. It’s a wonder how you haven’t been asked to move elsewhere.”

“The landlord is my mother.”

Loki is silent for a few moments, now absolutely livid. The landlord is your mother?!

“I’ll be having words with your mother, then.”

You laugh. “You can try. Who do you think I got all of my obnoxious traits from?”

You hear Loki scowl next to you, and nip you on the neck again. “You Midgardian women are bothersome.”

[hyrule-kingdom-updates]

ALL of the emojis for Siv :D

What is the kindest thing your OC has ever done for someone? What is the kindest thing someone has ever done for them? On the flip side, what is the worst thing your OC has done to another person?

I don’t think I can point out a *single* ultimate kind act, but Siv raising and caring for his brother throughout their whole childhood is definitely one of the kindest periods of his life. Spoilers, but: Siv didn’t actually believe himself to be capable of being a knight, in fact Ligero was specifically trying to keep him out of Larc’s life, letting them grow to be more independent, giving Siv every reason to be jealous and spiteful. But Siv trained to be a knight anyways because he didn’t want his brother to be alone through it all. He would never admit it, but Siv is a really kind and soft person. He cared for everyone of LinkLink’s scars and scabs when they went shield surfing, he took Zavis to a surprise party when his mother didn’t bother to throw anything that special. He wrote Revali letters, he sewed little rat plushies for Aryll to add to her collection—and I think it all stems from his childhood, where the only thing that he was certain of, the only choice that he could without a doubt claim was a good and kind thing that he didn’t mess up on, was caring and loving for someone that he by all other means didn’t have to.

As for the kindest thing someone has done for him, well honestly I think Siv would consider anyone giving him a basic amount of respect and appreciation as the “kindest” thing. Although once, Zavis allowed himself to team up with Link to plan a perfect party for Siv, which is to say, a very notable feat.

As for the worst thing Siv has done to someone: that’s probably spoilers. :3

What does your OC do when they see others upset or in pain? An upset friend? A stranger?

If a stranger was upset, Siv would probably just think, “Sucks to suck!” and move on. Unless they were like, REALLY sobbing, to the point where it would be impossible to ignore. Then he might stop walking, chat them up and buy them a drink, maybe hear their woes, but that’s probably it.

If it was a friend, he’d be immediately on their case, but would still try to play it off as him being an apathetic, disgruntled guy. But you know, Siv didn’t become an official royal Branch Buddy for nothing.

What is something true about your OC that they refuse to admit about themselves? Is there any reason to this besides embarrassment?

Under absolutely no circumstances will Siv admit that he is shorter than anyone. He finds it completely unfair that BOTH of his brothers are taller than him. He would hate it if you told him so, but Siv without a doubt has inherited a bit of his father’s ego, so calling him short, or even complimenting his hot royal guard brother when Siv is right there would ruffle his feathers to say the least

Describe a regular day for your OC. What is their schedule (if they have one).

Pre-Orator days, Siv basically wakes up whenever he wants (usually past noon), feeds the pet rats in the alleyways, then heads to the underground. Everyday is scraping enough rupees for a hot meal and a drink by selling illegal tickets to the underground monster fights, maybe organize a rigged gambling ring or two, and obviously scam any ten year olds that were looking to enter the world of pocket monster fighting themselves. Then when the “work” day is done, he’ll pop by an adequate tavern (the only one that would tolerate letting someone like him around) and eat and drink, and...that’s pretty much it.

As the Royal Orator, Siv wakes up and immediately heads to the dining hall, then hauls all the food and drink over to his office by 10am, cause that’s when his official work hours kick in. He then has to just sit there, listen to people’s grievances and input that will promptly be ignored (by either his hand, or most certainly by his superiors) while also posting out the important announcements and rat doodles with the Quill of Roost(both pre and post consumption). He might grab lunch in between and do fuck all, but by 9pm he’s gone out and about, doing whatever it takes to get as little sleep as possible because he doesn’t really like the sort of dreams he’s been having.

Current Siv doesn’t have a schedule, but he does have an agenda.

How does your OC think they will die? Does death scare them? Is there any reason for this?

Siv isn’t thinking about death. In truth, he thought he would have died much, MUCH earlier. Maybe get stabbed or executed? Maybe have a poor run in with an ex or particularly angry victim of his scams? But hey, now that’s he’s living the high life with all this power, he doesn’t care about death! For all he knows, he could live forever as long as he sticks with Ganon! All he has to do is follow what he says, and he’ll be happy forever and never have to fear anything ever again.

What is your OC’s most traumatic experience? (If they don’t have just one traumatic experience either pick one or describe them all!)

The Asunder Incident.

Siv constantly questions himself after that, “Why would I do that? Was I really capable of killing someone? Surely not, I’m not...I’m not that bad...” but the facts obviously stated otherwise. This was basically the incident that cemented himself as the person he is at the start of hku, apathetic and broken. He wouldn’t admit it then, but this singular event basically solidified everyone’s prejudice and perception of him, and rightfully proved them correct. It was his own actions that left him hated, abandoned, and alone, so yeah, he can’t complain now, it’s all his fault.

How would your OC react to the death of a friend/family member/loved one? Is there anyone they can confide in?

If Ligero died he would throw a fucking party for the ages.

Other than that, yeah, if someone he knew and cared about died he would be very heart broken about it. I think the only person he would really confide in about it would be Larc, but if it WAS Larc that died...I can only assume he would at the very least be severely depressed. He’s his favourite, cherished, little brat brother, after all.

What would your OC be like if they were evil. Or if they’re already evil what would they be like as the good guy?

This is an interesting question given that...I’ve already shown both sides to this, haven’t I? Maybe I’ll just let the story speak for itself...

How would your OC react to somebody telling them that they love them? (+ bonus give another characters/OC name!)

Siv would first play it off as a joke because defense mechanism! “Haha, yeah, and you know what I love? The bathroom!” and he would be off escape the situation. But if they were persistent, he would be very flustered and very...vulnerable, and scarily sentimental in his opinion. It would take some time, but I believe eventually he would really, truly accept it, in the end. Although patience is certainly a virtue, it took an entire childhood for him to use the L word for his brother.

What does your OC hate about themself? What lies about themself do they believe? On the flip side, What does your OC love about themself?

He hates being a bad person. He does not believe himself to be good or worthy of anything, thus he internalizes it wholeheartedly in order to gain that sense of control. So now that Siv’s accepted he will never be truly happy, he’s like, “Great! I can just not care about anyone else now.”

Thankfully, that’s changed recently, and he now believes, “You know what? I’m NOT a bad person! It’s everyone else that’s been wronging me! The problem with me is that I’ve been way to much of a coward to take what I deserve, so now I’m gonna do it, no matter what! I deserve to not be hurt anymore, and if I can’t do whatever it takes to achieve that, then how can I say I deserve to be happy in the first place?” Be sure to thank Calamity Ganon for that pep talk.

Right now Siv loves his power. He’s had the most control and power in this one relationship with Ganon than he’s ever had with anyone else in his entire life. He’s finally on top! Number one! He has something to really be proud of about himself! The old Siv hated themselves, but now that couldn’t be further from the truth.

Does your OC have any scars? How and when did they get them?

He doesn’t have any notable scars, especially given that he’s got the power o’ malice, baby! Malice is a representation of many things, one of them being time and memory, so it’s pretty easy for it to heal and return skin, flesh, and bone to a prior state. Perfect for healing and repairing people and objects, alike! Of course, malice is more famous for doing the opposite, sucking your soul out from you prematurely, feeling yourself die rapidly, your last breath being snatched and forced out of your lungs, a thousand breaths meant for a lifetime suddenly sapped out in a few minutes. But I don’t know why I’m talking about that, that’s not relevant haha

What is something your OC blames themself for and is it really their fault? Does it keep them up at night and is there any lingering trauma?

The Asunder Incident, he blames his actions for leading him to basically abandon his brother for like fifteen years. But that’s all I’m gonna say as I have plans to talk about his feelings on it further in the actual story.

In what situation would your OC be pushed to commit an act of violence? Would they go as far to kill someone if they had to? How would this affect them and their relationships with others?

Why, I can’t answer this in detail! That’d be giving away the story :3

Ok, maybe I’ll say this: Siv tells himself that he would do anything to get what he wants, of course he would do anything, because if he can’t, well then that just means he’s a pathetic coward who doesn’t deserve happiness anyways. So of course he claims that he will do anything, even killing someone.

What would your OC do if they were given god-like powers or the ability to change anything about the world for a whole day?

Siv would eliminate all shitty parents, maybe also give revive some dead people, and also permanently have a giant neon green tattoo of a dick be on Ligero’s forehead. Assivus would do the first thing, but he might also make everyone who has ever wronged him suffer for a very long time on top of that.

Describe one of your OC’s worst nightmares.

- Oh no, made a ficlet.

The first night he was in the castle, he had a dream.

There was a man, sitting across from him, dressed in glittering gold, with a green sash wrapped across his chest and waist. He was tapping his long nails against a desk, HIS desk, the white and purple quill still in the cup of ink, and blank parchment in front of him.

The man looked very out of place, and that was ignoring the fact that he was a withering corpse.

You’re dashing, aren’t you? The man said, still tapping his fingers. That’s when Siv realized that he was just sitting opposite to him, in the seat where guests were supposed to be. He tried to speak, but couldn’t. He tried to move, but couldn’t. He tried to blink, but didn’t.

He sat there and listened to the man, attentively.

Do you know what you’re doing here, Asunder? the man asked. Asivus didn’t. Do you know why I’ve allowed you here? What you are?

Siv didn’t know, but he couldn’t exactly express as such.

That’s because you don’t need to know. At least for now. The man leaned forward like mist, disappearing as Siv felt something pass through him, he couldn’t turn to look behind him as a delicate hand was on his shoulder. You’ll know things when I want you to know. You’ll say things when I want them to be said. And you will do things when I want them to be done. Because I own you. Err...

The man suddenly stopped to think, leaning on the right arm of Siv’s chair, tapping his bony chin, as if he had made a casual slip of the tongue. Because...you owe me. Yes, that’s the word. I’ve helped you so much Assivus Asunder. Or “will?” “Have?” “Am currently?” Futures and times are a funny thing. I apologize, I’ll have my words sorted out into something more professional and proper in our future.

The man spun around, and suddenly, he was no longer a corpse, but a dashing Gerudo man, dressed brilliantly and handsomely. His eyes were no longer a hollow gold, but green, somehow familiar.

The room was no longer some dinky orator office, but the sanctum of the castle, the apex of the kingdom. The man snapped his head towards him.

Let me ask you something, Assivus Asunder: Would you rather be here?

He gestured to the grand view of the sanctum, the sunset casting striking shades of red, black, and gold across the towering walls.

Or here?

The world spun once again, and they were suddenly on a dark street. The houses of Rauru diced the stone brick pavement. Siv glanced around and saw himself, sitting on the ground. There were two knights, one of them cursing loudly, and the other laying down beside him. There was so much blood and he could feel himself floating closer and—

No. NO. Wait. STOP. PLEASE! He tried to speak, scream, anything. No sound came. He saw a sword, a dark and rich puddle that seemed to even reflect his own face and—

They were suddenly back in the office.

Which is better? What do you prefer, of the two? I’m assuming the former? The man looked at him. I will allow you to nod yes or no to the former.

Siv immediately nodded a yes.

Trick question!The man boomed. Both are fantastic places, environments that you should love and cherish. There is so much good hiding in the places you would least expect, Assivus. I’ll help you remember that.

The world was suddenly nothing. Nothing but black. Just him, in a chair, staring at this smiling, pleasant, scary, red haired man. 

Don’t you want help, Assivus? I think there’s something you want, that you need help attaining? Isn’t there something? There’s no shame in admitting.

Siv thought for a moment, then slowly nodded a yes.

Do you want MY help?

Uhh...Siv wasn’t sure what to make of that.

Perhaps you can do a favor for me?

Fuck no! was Siv’s immediate thought. Who the fuck—First off, I don’t think I really like you, actually, so— 

Oh that’s alright! The man was suddenly very close to his face. Oh shit, could he hear my thoughts? Assivus, you can do whatever you want to do to be happy. I don’t want to force anything from you. He patted his cheek with a very cold hand.

In fact, I’ve now decided you don’t have to do anything for me. I am going to help you, and you don’t need to do anything in return. The man stood back, clasping his hands together. How does that sound?

I... He tried to speak, but remembered he couldn’t even move his lips.

I’m sorry again, Asunder. Here, I’ll allow you to speak now. The man didn’t even wave a hand, but Siv could suddenly feel how hoarse and dry his throat was.

So how about it, Assivus Asunder? I want you to be in charge of your destiny, I want you to be in total control. I would never force anything from you, I will simply be here, by your side, helping here and there, as you...figure it all out. How is that? Does that sound alright?

Siv opened his mouth, but couldn’t decide the words. If I say yes can I go back to sleep? Hella tired...

The man didn’t move, but Siv someone sensed a whisper beckoning somewhere with a “Yes. We’re all tired of many things, aren’t we?”

“O-Ok...” Siv finally said. “Alright, sure. I don’t see why n—”

Before the words were fully out of his mouth, the world suddenly stopped dead, as quick as a snap. He awoke from his bed with a jolt, his heart racing like he had just run a marathon, even though he didn’t find those last moments to be that thrilling or terrifying.

Siv sat for a moment longer, trying to contemplate the dream. But as most dreams are, the memory of it fell out of his grasp like loose sand between his fingers, and soon enough, it was already gone.

He flopped back into bed with a sigh.

Whatever it was, it was probably nothing.

What advice would your OC give to their younger self? What advice does your OC need now?

Already answered in a previous ask c:

[thiswasinevitableid]

7. Leshen Indruck your choice of rating!

Here you go! I went with SFW

It’s old wisdom that humans fear that which they do not understand. 

Indrid really hoped he would never learn the truth of that wisdom the hard way, but here he is. One misplaced attempt at aiding someone using his foresight and he’s been caught, blindfolded, and dumped in the middle of the vast Monongahela Forest. 

He just wanted to help. 

His foresight renders him less fearful than he’d otherwise be; he’ll be able to see threats coming and locate the resources he needs. If he takes his time, he might be able to use his visions to locate the nearest (friendly) village. And, like anyone who grew up near the woods, he knows how to hunt, fish, and forage. For someone who’s been left to die, he’s rather confident. 

Still, it sting a little.

After a few moments of rightfully-earned self-pity, he buttons up his coat and starts the slow, halting journey towards safety. 

Two days later, he’s pushing his way through branches and miserably pointing out to himself again and again that a town where everyone grew up with basic forest survival skills would exile one of their own somewhere that required high-level survival skills. 

The topography and scenery is so disorienting that he may have better luck if he covered his eyes, spun around ten times, and chose his path from there. It’s a dense landscape of deep greens and browns with splashes of bright color that he’d no doubt enjoy were he not constantly snagging on branches or catching his toes on roots. 

Worse, he’s had no luck catching food, and cannot for the life of him locate water. The fact it rained last night is the only reason he’s not dangerously dehydrated.

A sharp, high chirp draws his eye to the foot of a tree. Flapping sparsely feathered wings, a baby bird hops through the mud, her nest visible but unreachable. A meager meal, but a meal nonetheless. 

Indrid scoops her into his palms, clambers into the lowest crook of the tree, and sets her back among her siblings. 

His stomach chastises him the rest of the day, though the rest of his body rejoices when he finds a hollow in the base of a tree large enough for him to shelter within. From within the trunk, he spies vine sprawling across the ground, berries glinting in the light rain. Deep purple, meaning they’re Brambleberries. 

The handful he shoves into his mouth brings tears to his eyes, even though they’re not the ripest. How else do you explain the bitterness chasing the sweetness down his throat. 

Wait. Brambleberries don’t go purple until mid-summer. This is early spring. Which means those were-

“Chokeberries.” He curses himself, darting outside the tree once more, finger down his throat until his meal comes back up. Maybe he was fast enough.

His throat tightens in a prelude to closing. Sinking to his knees, gasping for air, he swears the ground vibrates with heavy steps. His eyes flutter close as he falls forward. As darkness slips over his eyes, he thinks it’s taking him a long time to hit the ground. 

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Bitter metal on his tongue. 

“Nnnnf” Eyes still shut, he pushes at whatever is holding the spoon and it’s vile contents in his mouth. 

“None of that. You’re gonna need two more doses of this before that Chokeberry is outta your system, and they were hard enough to get into you when you were passed out. Swallow.”

He swallows.

A large hand pats his head, “There we go. I know, shit’s gross, but if you were fool enough to eat those berries, might stun some sense into you.”

Indrid sits up, rubbing his eyes, “I was delirious with hunger, forgive me for not remembering the exact seasons of fruits. Did you heal me only to insult me or-” his visions flicker back full force, revealing his host before he opens his eyes. He scrambles back, but instead of a wall or an edge he just finds a vast expanse of bed. 

Watching him with an amused set to his lips is a man three heads taller and much bulkier than Indrid, dark hair streaked with grey-green moss, eyes the dark green of pine needles, and nails like treebark. He crosses arms tattooed with green, gold, and bronze swirls, waiting for Indrid to collect himself. 

“A Leshen.”

“Yep.”

“Are...are you going to eat me?”

“What? No, I’m not gonna fuckin eat you. I don’t know which of my kind chowed down on humans but if I ever find out I’m gonna give ‘im a piece of my mind. Ain’t great to have people thinkin I’m a man-eater when the worst I done is throw a tree at someone.”

“That is still very alarming.”

The Leshen shrugs “I’m a forest guardian; I’m gonna guard.”

Indrid studies him, wary, drawing the covers up his chest without noticing. 

“Look” the Leshen sighs, “I ain’t tryin to scare you. Hell, made myself the smallest I can so I could be all comfortin. Noticed you in the woods earlier today and kept an eye on you, since humans-”

“Don’t often come here, yes, I am aware. I was extremely, forcibly exiled into your part of the woods.”

Green eyes blink, “Huh. Well, point is it didn’t seem right to leave you there to die, so I brought you here. Chokeberry is real easy to undo, assumin you got the right herbs.” 

“Thank you.” He doesn’t know what else to say. His foresight tells him the Leshens promise of no harm is true, but there are so many timelines for what he could say and how his host could respond that he freezes. 

“You’re welcome. You got a name?”

“Indrid.”

“You oughta rest up more, Indrid. I’ll be back with the next dose in a bit.” His host steps out to the hall.

“Wait, do I, ah, get to know your name?”

“Duck.”

He snickers, replies to the raised eyebrow with, “Apologies, I expected something tree-related.”

Duck smiles, “It’s a nickname.”

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

“What’s your plan?” Duck asks from across the breakfast table. The morning found Indrid well enough to walk and to eat without feeling ill, so he’s been perching awkwardly on a chair that’s too big for him as the Leshen makes plates of toast and eggs that don't come from any bird Indrid is familiar with. 

“I, ah, I don’t really have one other than ‘avoid going home’.”

“You were just gonna wander around until you found a village? I hate to tell you this, but there ain’t one for at least fifty miles, and I’m guessin that’s the one you came from. They must’ve used and enter to navigate here, because this part of the woods is hostile to travel by design.”

“Yours?” Indrid sips his tea, face to hide his distaste for its bitterness. 

“Yep.” Duck slides a jar over to him, it’s copper lid revealing sugar cubes within, “Don’t much feel like runnin into humans every damn day, and it means that even as y’all sprawl out more and more, there are parts of this wood that stay wild.”

“I appreciate the sentiment, but it does little to improve my situation. Unless…” he bites his lip. 

“Unless?”

“Unless I could stay here. I’m not bad company, and I have some skills which could-”

“No” Duck shakes his head, “savin you is one thing, takin you on as a roommate is all whole other kettle of fish.”

“Ah. Right. Of course.” He sips his tea, reflection crestfallen. Maybe he’ll just finish this and then go back to sleep. 

Duck sighs, expression one of someone who already regrets the offer he’s about to make, “You can stay here for a month. After that, I’ll get you as close to a safe village as I can, and you’re on your own. Deal?”

Indrid grins, appetite returning in full, “Deal.”

-------------------------------------------------------------

Duck has a good guess as to what’s making all the scratching and clanging in his kitchen, but it’s still a surprise to see Indrid moving from counters to chairs doubling as stools to tend a pot that he can barely peer into.

The human’s gotten nimble over the last week and a half, thanks to his routine attempts to help Duck around the house. Everything is scaled to Duck’s smallest possible form, but that still leaves Indrid at a disadvantage. 

He’d be more inclined to help him if it wasn’t so obvious that his help is a ploy to convince Duck to let him stay. Look, he feels bad for the guy, but humans don’t have a great track record with his kind and he generally likes his peace and quiet out in the woods. He also notices that, left to his own devices, Indrid is messy. The area around the couch he uses as a bed is strewn drawings and unfolded clothes that Duck conjured up. Which means this is about Ducks favor, not a commitment to household cleanliness. 

That’s not to say having Indrid around has been unpleasant; the human is good company but also understands Ducks' need for space. He’s odd, and even though the foresight was the given reason, Duck suspects his fellow villagers would have found reason to exile him regardless. Indrid even said that living with Duck was the happiest he’d felt in some time. That wasn’t a ploy; Indrid is prone to saying unnerving statements without registering them. Thorns pricked Duck’s heart when he heard it and, that night, when Indrid fell asleep on the bed during their conversation about deer, he didn’t move him. Just brushed the white hair from his eyes and laid down a respectful distance away. 

“Oh! We’re in the timeline when you’re early.” Indrid waves distractedly as he wrestles open a jar, “I checked on you during the day through my visions and it looked as though you got drenched, so I thought something warm was in order.”

He’s smiling, and Duck’s gaze lingers long enough to see there’s no trickery in it. Yeah, being a forest spirit means storms are refreshing more than freezing, but the one today was so relentless he felt like it was eroding him away. 

“Thanks, Indrid. I’ll join you in a sec.”

The next morning, before he leaves he forms some nearby stumps into a proper step-stool, and transmogrifies the minerals of the earth into a solid set of human sized pots and pans. 

-------------------------------------------

“I know you’re there, Duck. I may not have eyes in the trees, but I do have visions that tell me when someone is dithering about coming to speak with me.” Indrid smiles, checking the fishing pole he’s dug into the shore. He feels rather than hears Duck approach; in spite of his size, the Leshen moves through the woods more softly than a butterfly. 

“Guess those visions do make you harder to spy on than the average human.”

“A not at all creepy statement.” Indrid teases, then tips over when Duck playfully shoves him. 

“Shit, sorry.”

“It’s alright” he brushes off his arm, “the sand is nice and warm.” He picks up his sketchbook (stray pieces of paper sewn together) and pens (Duck turned flowers, fruit, leaves, and wood into them until Indrid had every color) and continues drawing. Half the reason he likes fishing is that he can draw futures (and for his own pleasure) while he does it. The other half is that he doesn’t want Duck to view him as a parasite in his home. Yes, for the first week, he did everything he could to demonstrate that he would make an excellent addition to the house made of twisting trunks and mossy floors. 

Now, though, he just wants to enjoy his time with Duck, even if that means not tidying constantly or cooking every meal. He hopes Duck enjoys it too, regardless of whether he lets Indrid stay. The Leshen is lonely, even if it only comes through on those days when his voice is like the wind through a weather-beaten log. Indrid wishes he knew how to assuage it, but a month is not long enough to learn such things. 

He’s slept in Duck’s bed these last three nights. It’s not purposeful, Duck is just so interesting to talk with and Indrid will lose sight of the time, will slump sideways and mumble that he ought to turn in, and then wake up in the early hours atop his host. It didn’t occur to him until this morning that Duck does that to keep Indrid from being uncomfortably squashed by his larger bedmate. And that Duck chooses to do that rather than carry Indrid to his own bed. 

“Hey, uh, ‘Drid?” Duck’s voice brings him back to the riverside, “would you, uh, wanna come with me on my rounds sometimes? Might be some nice things to draw, and that foresight of yours could be real helpful with some of the stuff I need to keep an eye on.”

His host looks nervous until Indrid nods, “I would be honored.”

--------------------------------------------

Never has the folding of clothes made him so miserable. Yet still he tucks the garments into the large-but-manageable rucksack Duck gave him, placing his sketchpad safely between the layers of fabric.

“Weather oughta be good tomorrow.” His visions show Duck behind him, rubbing the back of his neck. He’s going to miss that voice, the way leaves rustle underneath the drawl. 

“That’s good.” He pulls the ties on his rucksack, sets at the end of the couch but doesn’t turn around. 

“I’d, uh, say you’re welcome to visit but, uh, well, you know how fuckin hard this place is to find.”

“Mmmm.” Indrid wants him to go, wants him to be brusque or happy, not awkwardly fond in a way that gives false hope of shared affection. 

“‘Drid there’s, there’s somethin I wanna, that is I’m thinkin...aw, fuck it.”

Indrid yelps as arms nearly as big around as he is scoop him up. Duck’s lifted him to examine flowers or see over trees, but the hugging is new. 

“Duck?” Carefully, he drapes his arms over his shoulders.

“Don’t go.”

“I don’t want to.” Duck always smells faintly of pine needles and green wood, and Indrid buries his face in his neck, inhaling in hopes of remembering it forever. 

“Then stay. I changed my mind, ‘Drid, life is so much better with you around.” 

“Okay” Indrid can’t get his voice above a whisper; this wasn’t in the timelines, which means Duck changed his mind at the literal last moment. 

“Really? You wanna stay?” Duck shifts him back, Indrid functionally sitting on his forearm with his legs half wrapped around his chest. 

The seer summons his courage, finds it lacking, and so closes his eyes before going in for a kiss. His lips find Duck’s cheek until a firm hand cups the back of his head, guiding their mouths together. At this size, their mouths are compatible even as Indrid remains pleasantly dwarfed. Duck breaks the kiss first but Indrid, hell-bent on making up for lost time, continues kissing his face until they’re both laughing.

Duck kisses his forehead, “I’m gonna take that as a yes.” 

[junova]

Wishful Thinking [P.P] [S.R.]

Summary: AU!Peter just can't seem to let the past go and you with it. 

Pairing: AU!Peter Parker x Reader, AU!Steve Rogers x Reader im really a whore for au scenarios for reference peter is early 20s and reader as well (its just how imagined it tho)

Word Count: 3.5K+ 

A/N: Hey guys! It has been a hot ass minute since I have posted anything I have written and I’m little nervous if I’m being honest. Any feedback is welcome and appreciated! If you wanna give this post a little love, you would own my fucking heart. I really hope you enjoy reading this piece as much as I enjoyed writing it. It’s really close to my heart, as always pushing my emotional trauma into fictional characters! Yay! Anyhow, happy reading! 

“Don’t.” The moment those words left her mouth, he felt attacked. Who was she to tell him to not go for it? He hadn’t seen her in years and of all the places he could possibly run in to her, it was the place they met. The building which their love used to stand on and she had the audacity to say “don’t”. 

“Excuse me?” Hopefully, if he played dumb enough she wouldn’t know what he was planning. She wouldn’t be suspicious, but the way her eyebrow was arched told him differently. He definitely was not going to get away with this, easily. “Look at her. She’s happy.” 

“But do you know that for certainty? How do you know she’s getting what she deserves?” Wanda laughed. The audacity Peter had sometimes over you. Disgustingly, claiming you as if he owned you. “Because she’s no longer with you. The universe was doing her a favor.” He frowned. He wasn’t that bad of a boyfriend. Was he? 

“I loved her.” 

“Not nearly as much as you love yourself. Everyone in this room knows that. You showed everyone exactly who you were really are. After everything you put her through, do you really think it’s best to bring up the past? Just leave it alone.” 

Wanda words pierced through him roughly, but he had always been stubborn. Yes, he lied, but only because he was trying to protect you. He had a itching feeling if you knew the truth, you would have never been with him in the first place. In the moment, he had needed you terribly and even know with you a world away and wrapped in another man, he still needed you. For Peter, it went past a want. 

“But I-“ He countered back, before he was interrupted by the one person he had been trying to avoid. 

“Parker! You finally decided to show your face, huh?” Michelle hollered at her friend, but all he could focus on was who stood beside her. There she was. Less than five feet away from him, looking like a complete goddess. Obviously, she hadn’t changed one bit. Still appearing as beautiful as the last time he saw her, only this time they were all gathered for celebration. Instead of the unfortunate circumstances they had met under last time. 

Peter hated to admit, but she looked much happier. Her aura was practically glowing and he hated it. Selfishly, he hated that you looked happy because he was wrecked. Even if he had been the one to break your trust and heart in on crushing punch, it still pained him. Constantly, you were on his mind. Replaying the last conversation he had with over and over like a broken record. Maybe if he had chosen different words to break it down, you would have been able to forgive him. Maybe if he had actually told you, instead of you finding out on your own, your relationship towards him wold have been salvageable. 

Looking at you now, Peter began to feel even more of a goddamn idiot. Even now more than ever, he felt the insecurities of you being out of his league. He always knew it was a little too good to be true. That you, goddess in the flesh, chose Peter Parker to be your boyfriend. Out of every guy that came your way, you chose to be with someone like him. He swore you were the most beautiful person he had ever met in his life. The moment he looked into your eyes, he knew he was fucked. The purity of which they held made Peter forget about every little horrible event which happened in his miserable life. Wanting nothing more than to focus on you and he did for a while. He had the privilege to be the man on your arm. 

Well, until now when Peter realized there was another heavy arm wrapped around her waist. One which certainly didn’t belong to him. Had she already moved on? So, quickly might he add. There were parts of him that didn’t blame you. He didn’t blame you for moving on so quickly to another, even if it was the man he had always been insecure of. God, how he wanted to say something to you when he found out. He wanted to be offensive about and blame you for everything. Even went as far getting hammered one night, mumbling to Wanda how you had broken his heart by finally getting with Steve. You had been the one to ruin the magical bond between the both of you. Nearly pressing your contact in his phone, before Wanda confiscated it from him. 

It was the first time it dawned on him that he wasn’t worthy of you. Not anymore. 

“Yeah, I did. Not feeling so sure about it now.” His eyes directed towards yours, which caused you to divert your own towards the floor. Peter giving you his full attention, even if everything inside of you was hoping he would look in any direction but your own. God, why couldn’t you just look at him like you used to. 

“Aww, lighten up Pete. It’s only going to get worse by the second.” The distaste in Michelle’s tone was rightfully placed. She was sticking up for you. Even when you had always been too polite to say anything negative towards Peter, she wasn’t that nice. It’s not like he didn’t deserve it. 

It did in fact get worse by the second. 

Obviously, you were uncomfortable being here. The body language you presented showed it all. Your body was turned towards the man holding onto you, your own body leaning against his. Peter noticed the grip you had on Steve like he was the anchor centering you. The one thing bringing you back down from your anxiety which liked to hold you above ground. 

This exact stance, is the one who you took with him many times. You shifted your body from side to side because you were anxious, scared even. You did it when you were uncomfortable and were contemplating one what to do next. Then, there was the head on his chest. Often, you had told Peter it was comforting. Instead of focusing on your heartbeat which only seemed to increase rapidly during a heightened situation, you liked to listen to something steady. Something that could bring you out of the distress you felt yourself taking a part of.  But the hand holding, that was new. 

Whenever you were having a panic attack, you always claimed you couldn’t be touched. But here you were having one, and Steve was touching you. Maybe you had lied to Peter, too. Maybe you liked to have your hand held when panic speed throughout your mind. Maybe it was just Peter’s hand you didn’t want to hold. 

“Michelle.” Wanda warned, but frankly she didn’t care. If anyone should feel like the bad guy, it wasn’t her but Peter. 

Peter fucking Parker. 

“Are you kidding me? We’re all just gonna act like nothing happened? Like we all haven’t seen each other in months because of this imbecile.” Peter flinched, leave it to Michelle to expose the elephant in the room and shoot it dead on the living room floor. 

“MJ, just leave it. Okay?” You finally spoke up. It was obvious you were uncomfortable. Hell, everyone had to be. You didn’t want to bring conflict within the group, even though Michelle had no problem with it. 

“He doesn’t deserve to be let off the hook just because we’re all friends.” Michelle was hell bent on defending you, but you just thought the past was best left behind. You certainly didn’t want to rehash the heartache you’ve been trying to move on from. 

“Clearly, I’m not, Michelle. Okay? Tonight isn’t even about me. Can we just focus on Natasha and Bucky? Please.” She finally caved, giving him one last glare before storming away. 

“Hey, I’m gonna go talk to Bucky. I’ll be right back. Promise.” Steve whispered in your ear, before kissing your temple. “Will you be okay?” He gave your hand which was intertwined with his own a small squeeze, as if to let you know he was speaking. You gave him a small nod, before giving him a light peck, letting him know you were going to fine.  Strutted off in the opposite direction, Wanda took that as her opportunity to stay. She sure as hell wasn’t going to let Peter do something unbelievably stupid with your boyfriend mingling in the same room. 

Peter was about to speak before you beat him to the punch. 

“Well, huh. That was….interesting.” Wanda breaking the unbearable silence between you and Peter. Huh, she expected him to say something. Guess he wasn’t as confident as he appeared. 

“Michelle’s sure on one tonight.” 

“More like on her second bottle of red wine for the night. Definitely, will not remember anything she says or does tonight.” Trying to forget Peter was sitting right there you continued to talk to Wanda. It had been months since you’d seen her and you really missed her. 

She was just asking you about Steve, when her husband called her, politely dismissing herself for just a moment. Cursing Vis for calling her, how was she supposed to cockblock the biggest asshole there was from across the room? 

Minutes passed until Peter found the courage to speak anything in her presence. “You look nice.” God, he really wanted to beat himself up. How could those be the first words he spoke to you after everything had happened? 

“Peter, really?” You questioned. Even now, he liked to play the dumbass. The oblivious boy who had done nothing wrong and that only made you want to cry in anger. But you had indulged yourself in those feeling for far too long. If he wanted to play, you were out for the win. Even if your entire body was shaking in fear, you wouldn’t let him know that. 

“What? You do look nice.” Endearingly enough, his chocolate brown swirls peered out with an innocence he no longer held. How could it after he had hurt the one who he promised to love? “I don’t know. I just figured you might wanna apologize first, before handing me a compliment like we’re friends.” Peter’s body shifted, adjusting the button on his dress shirt he was sporting. Now suddenly feeling suffocated by it. Pondering, if it had always been buttoned up to the collar or if he was just starting to feel it now. 

“We are friends. Before everything, we were friends.” You leaned closer, and suddenly he had forgotten how to breathe. “We were friends, Peter. Then we dated, then we broke up.” 

“And now, friends.” Peter weakly argued. Such a child, if only he would give up and learn his lesson. “Peter that’s not exactly how the timeline goes. You have to apologize. Maybe? Just a fucking thought.” He could hear the disappointment drip in your voice, scolding him like a child who touched a lit stove top. He should apologized. Scratch that. He should have already apologized, but Peter was stubborn. Something you knew a little too well. 

“For what? The feelings I felt were obviously justified, you’re with Steve.” There it was. The one thing you felt guilty for. Steve. Your precious Steve Rogers. The perfect partner which stayed hidden, right under your nose until he made himself known. It was quite recent, but it didn’t matter if you told Peter that. It wouldn’t matter that Steve waited until you were ready. It wouldn’t matter to him that Steve had waited until you stopped crying over Peter every night for three months straight. Not pouncing on you at your most vulnerable, but waiting for you until you stood on your own two feet. All of it didn’t matter to Peter. In his mind, the only thing he knew saw was you were with Steve and not him. Furiously enough, it made his blood boil. Even if he had dug his own grave, you just had to be with him. Out of anyone you could have picked, it was the man he felt inferior to. 

“Leave Steve out of this. He is none of your business. My relationship with him is none of your concern. The moment you lied to me about her, we were dead, Peter. You used me from the very get go. You didn’t want me, Peter. You never did. I was just a rebound for you.” Then it started, always with the hands. Fingers hidden under the bar, began to shake. You were scared of this conversation. Confrontation wasn’t something that came easy to you and Peter being the most stubborn man in the world, didn’t make it any easier for you. 

“Of course, I did. I only wanted you.” And the lying started. Again. 

“You wanted me for your own selfish reasons! I wanted a life with you, a future with you. I was a complete idiot and put my trust in you. Where did it get me Peter? It left me with everything blowing right up in my fucking face.” Peter’s face paled. Never had he seen you this angry, entirely filled with rage and it was all because of him. Every negative feeling you had ever felt for him was evidently suppressed, and now your emotions were resurfacing. You didn’t even care if you were making a scene. You needed to say what had been itching at you for months. 

“I-I-I d-do-n’t. What?” Quickly, Peter became a blubbering mess. He was sitting there not knowing what to say, when all you wanted was an apology. In fact, the only thing you wanted from him. You just wanted him to realize how selfish he had been, but he simply couldn’t meet the expectations set for him. 

“You still don’t get it. Do you?” His eye twitching and his hands shaking, entangled with his own revelation. Peter thought he was good boyfriend. He showed up when it mattered. Yeah, the ending of the relationship had been a little rough around the edges, but he though he was just protecting you. He would have never been good enough for you, so he settled for someone who was. At the time, he thought he was making the right desicison. 

He really was a complete dumbass. As he was here in front of you, he realized he had really fucked up. I mean, he knew he already had but actually hearing you say you wanted a future with him messed with his head. It mad had something to do with you never actually uttering those words to him in the entirety of relationship, but only when the t’s were crossed the i’s were dotted. It just seemed terribly cruel when you were so clearly out of reach for him to grip onto. 

“Pete, I loved you and I didn’t want anyone else other than you. Then, you made me your second choice. How do you think that felt? One day were solid, and then the next you were gone. You didn’t even give me a choice because you had already made one. You didn’t talk to me. You certainly didn’t trust me with your feelings and you no regard for my own. You ruined us, Pete.” Just like that the tears began to fall and you wanted to get the hell out of here. But you had to get through this conversation, not for Peter but for you. 

There went his heart, but it wasn’t for the tears cascading down your cheek, but for what you had called him. You called him Pete. He only let you call him that, always claiming he hated and much rather his full name. Ever since he was little, he was really never fond of nicknames. Of course, until he heard you say it. Then, he fell in love with the name Pete which was sung to the tune of your voice. Deeply, did he wish you were saying it different circumstances. He dreamed of it even, but this was reality. Not his fantasy where you would come back running into his open arms. 

This was it. If he ever wanted to be friends with you again, he had to make his peace with what he had done. Peter Parker was finally giving in. “I never felt good enough for you. After college, when Gwen and I had split up, I was miserable. I didn’t what I was doing with my life. Until I met you and this whole other side of me was unleashed. Every terrible feeling I had ever felt vanished whenever I was with you. You became this light in my life, quite literally guiding me through without even realizing it. Maybe I put you on a pedestal and that’s probably why I thought I can never give you what you needed, but I was scared. Okay? I was scared you would do the same thing Gwen did to me.” You laughed bitterly, the irony of becoming what he was so afraid of you. 

“You could have just talked to me. I always there for you, always. I never left until you made me. You could have just communicated what you were feeling and I would have listened.” 

“I wasn’t ready. How was I supposed to tell you? I was paralyzed with fear as you can tell.” You sighed, as he was staring at you with those honey eyes. The nagging, forgiving side of you just wanted to bring him back in. To comfort him until all of his pain vanished, but the stronger part how he left you for Gwen consumed you. 

“Pete, I know now, but can you honestly tell me that were completely over Gwen. If you went back to her, don’t you think there were still some unresolved feelings. Love or not, you still had feelings for her. It’s okay, I just, I’m really tired of everything going on between us. How it’s effecting our friends. Michelle can barely stand to be around you and that’s partly my fault. I probably told her too much and now she thinks differently of you. The mess should have stayed between us. I just want to clean it up, Peter. I want this all to be over with. I need us to be done. Clean slate. For you. For me. For Steve. For our friends. A new beginning where our baggage stays in the past.” 

Even when you were angry, you were still kind. You truly had the purest of intentions, even after he drug your heart through the mud, you held yourself with grace and mercy. None of which he knew how you held such a tight grip on. 

Suddenly it the revelation dawned on Peter, you were forgiving him. 

“I-I don’t know what to say.” Peter sighed, any plans he had to win you back had fled and the only thing he felt now was guilt. Even though he was one hundred percent in the wrong, you were the one to wave the red flag in surrender. Always being the bigger person when he was incapable of it. Really, when he didn’t have the will for it, but you did. For the both of you, no matter how much it hurt. 

Even if you weren’t getting the answers you had originally came for.  

_______________

“How’d it go?” Steve’s arms found your waist, pulling you close to his chest. “Good, for the most part. I think we’ll finally be on speaking terms now. More accurately, I will finally speak with him.” Giving you a small peck to your shoulder, before turning you around so you were facing him. “Can I ask you something?” 

“Hmm.” You looked in his deep, ocean eyes. The love he poured into you, truly unmatched to anything you had ever felt. “Do you still love him?” 

“Like in love? Or just love? Two very different things, peach.” 

“Just, um, like in love?” His voice going up an octave higher, slightly afraid of the answer you would give him. If Steve could count on one thing, it was your honesty. Time and time again, you had showed him it was what you valued most. Considering your past, he understood why. 

“I was in love with my boyfriend, Peter Parker. The man who I thought loved me through and through. I pictured a life with him, and future with him. God, he met my parents even and they loved him to absolute death. My dad told me after we broke up, he even asked for his blessing. That he wasn’t ready, but some day he would be. Of course, the golden boy image Peter sold to them was more than believable so he gave it to him. Shit, like, how could he you know? Obviously, he was clearly still so in love with Gwen since he left me for her. I just wish I would have known about her, but he never alluded to anything about her and I never had a reason to doubt him. He was perfect with me. Right until it wasn’t. 

“So, no. I don’t. My love for him died the very moment he chose her over me.” You began to cry again, and god did Steve hate seeing you cry. Silently, cursing himself for even bringing it up in the first place, but the insecurity of Peter being your first love crept in. What if you had changed your mind one day? What if you decided one morning all was forgiven and left him? It wasn’t the most unreasonable thought. People can change. What if you would? But little did Steve know that you forgave Peter, but still were very much in love with the blue, eyed man in front of you. 

Immediately, Steve embraced you, holding you in his arms like they could protect you from any harm which came your way. Quite frankly, they very well could. In moments like these, everything else seemed to fade. He could make you forget about all the hurts of the past and center you on the future. 

“I wish I would have manned up and asked you before you met Peter.” Steve whimpered. He really had a want to protect you and it only made you love him more. You wanted to tell him so badly, but it just didn’t feel right. “I don’t. I wasn’t ready for you back then.” You joked half-heartedly. 

“I’m gonna pretend that you didn’t just gut me.” Once you started kissing him, he didn’t really have much to complain about. Sweet and soft, his lips slanted over yours perfectly. The familiar taste of strawberries invading your senses, slightly ecstatic he had finally started using the chapstick you had begged him to start using. You didn’t mind kissing his slight chapped lips, since it was Steve, but smooth was so much better in your opinion. 

“Doll, I’m sorry. I brought it up. I know it isn’t the easiest for you to talk about it. I really should be more mindful of it.” Even when he wasn’t trying, he was an absolute sweetheart. It only caused your heart to soar, more than ever. “No, don’t be. It’s important to me to talk about these things. To work through, them. You know? Evidently, I’ve never really been the greatest communicator, but I want to be. With you, I want to be better because this is the most important relationship in my life. Just you and I, peach.” 

You lowered your hands that were wrapped around his waist, before resting them on his perfectly shaped bum. You certainly didn’t miss the blush which spilled out over Steve’s cheeks, at your new position. “God, I hope no one ever finds out the reason you call me that.” Steve shamefully admitted. 

“Peach, have you seen your ass? It’s not like it’s a secret.” You giggled when he grabbed yours, and honestly you were surprised. He was never this forward, at least not in public. “Trust me when I saw no one is staring at mine, when you have an ass like that.” He gifted you with light peck before dragging you along to the group of your friends. 

But Peter? He watched the entire interaction. His eyes focused on you since you conversation had ended. It was clear you were over him, but he wasn’t over you. Surely, he could change your mind. He had done it once and he would stop at nothing to do it again. 

________________

[tonotbelionized]

RWBY’s Handlement of Abuse

Abuse isn’t a topic that’s anything new in media, it’s been handled over decades in many different ways; some done very well and others... not so well. RWBY is one of the many shows that attempts to handle this controversial topic, and goes deep into how it not only affects the victims of the abuse, but also deals with different types.

Physical, Emotional, Mental, even less known ones such as financial abuse, this show actually handles many attempts with clear care and the writers do seem to do their research in this. In my opinion, this research and trying to find out more about this sensitive topic is shown very clearly. I don’t like talking about myself much, but as a victim of abuse myself, I hold this topic very dear to my heart and feel more strongly when it’s written compared to other topics.

So, with that in mind, I’d like to look at the different abusive relationships we have so far in RWBY, and to see how well they hold up in both writing and how they’re seen so in the FNDM itself. 

Adam & Blake

Now, one of the most well known abusive relationships in RWBY is the one between Adam and Blake. It’s been given the most screen time, thought, and it has the bonus of having happened to one of our four protagonists. There is no denying that the relationship between these two characters is an extremely toxic one, and it’s a relationship that has heavily impacted on both Blake and the FNDM as well. 

Even before their confrontation at the end of Volume 3, Blake clearly shows the behaviour and the mentality of an abuse victim. She doesn’t see Adam as this monster, and whenever he’s mentioned by her during this time, she actually uses non-threatening or derogatory words such as referring to him as her partner or that he changed. She never outright talks about what it was exactly that Adam did to her or how he changed. In fact, the closest we had was after Yang was disqualified from the tournament where she explains why she’s afraid to just trust Yang again.

Blake’s journey of learning to live with her trauma and move away from the past is nicely written and I like the fact that it isn’t a straight path to progress. Blake stumbles, she fails and she gets back up again, something that’s great because that’s what most recovery progress is like. The culmination of her proving she’s no longer afraid of Adam at the end of Volume 5 felt earned compared to her reaction to seeing him again before, and it’s a solid moment of Blake doing this with Sun, a friend, rather than carrying on what she was doing before with pushing everything away.

While I’m not a big fan of her letting Adam go at the end of it, given that it just felt like she was letting a terrorist and extremely dangerous person escape just so he knew what it was like to run away, that doesn’t diminish how powerful that moment is for Blake’s character and her whole relationship with Adam. Adam’s short and Blake opening up more in Volume 6 shows use how far the abuse went.

Adam wasn’t afraid to emotionally manipulate and gaslight Blake when he felt she was questioning him too much. He’s emotionally shackled himself to her and clearly won’t let anything take Blake away from him, so when she finally leaves him behind, he believes that it’s her fault that he’s hurting and is unable to see how irrational that line of thinking is. He isn’t willing to take responsibility for what he did, and this carries on to where he would rather kill Blake than let her go again, even dragging Yang into it.

It’s really telling that Adam goes as far as to reject the chance to leave twice. Both Blake and Yang have matured enough to try and push Adam to leave them alone and to move on with his life, but he’s unable to comprehend doing so mentally. That emotional attachment to Blake is still there, and ultimately he died rather than break that bond. It was a cathartic moment for Blake to truly be free of Adam, and the fact that she breaks down rather than be triumphant feels like such a realistic moment because an abuse victim doesn’t just hate their abuser even when they leave.

Getting those moments that were great with your abuser out of your head is incredibly difficult, and it’s clear that even with Adam gone, the damage that he did to Blake’s mental state is plain to see, especially since she blames herself for the plan going wrong on the ship. She’s so used to it being her fault that she can’t comprehend when it isn’t, because to an abuse victim everything is their fault. 

Raven & Yang

Abandonment and emotional abuse go hand in hand, and I’d like to add that while Raven’s abandonment of Yang is a more typical style we are used to in media, where the person ups and leaves to never return, there is another type of abandonment; a series of temporary abandonment where the abuser returns again, only to up and leave when things don’t go as they want. 

The abusive relationship between Yang and Raven is just as impactful as the abuse Blake suffered under Adam, and yet I feel that it’s weirdly brushed off by some people in the FNDM as well as not being given much prevalence when Yang finally confronts Raven, both when she met Raven at the bandit camp and in Haven’s vault.

I don’t like that Yang calls Raven “Mom”, because Raven is not Yang’s mother. She left when her daughter was just born and never did anything to raise her, which is what a parent is. It’s easy to have a baby, but if you don’t put in the effort to actually raise that child in a healthy way, then you are not a parent. On top of that, when Yang finally finds Raven again, she’s very emotionally manipulative of her daughter.

She constantly praises and is open to Yang when it suits her, but as soon as Yang makes it clear that she only wants to find Ruby, not spend time with her, Raven instantly becomes closed off and cold, making comments on that family only visits her when they want something. Not only is this classical emotional abuse, as she’s treating Yang well only when she believes Yang deserves it. Put plainly, Yang is treated nicely when she does what Raven likes. It’s also very hypocritical given how little Raven actually cares about her actual family.

Then the argument in vault further solidifies this. Raven isn’t above calling her mentally ill daughter a scared little girl when Yang starts shaking from her PTSD. She constantly tries to excuse her behaviour, albeit poorly, and Yang rightfully calls her out for not only calling herself strong while showing the exact opposite, but that she killed the previous Spring Maiden to take her powers while also calling herself merciful for doing so. It just paints Raven with a victim complex, that she had a hard life and survived it so her actions are justified.

The main problem that I have with this that I don’t have with Adam and Blake’s relationship, is that there’s no real ending to the fact that Raven abandoned Yang and left her daughter with crippling abandonment issues. Yang starts to touch on this when she asked Raven why she left her and her family in the bandit camp, but Raven deflected the question and it’s never brought up again during this time.

Their only confrontation after is in the vault, but as I mentioned before, Yang didn’t even try to find out why Raven left her. This was the one thing she wanted to find out, something that was built up in her talk with Blake in Volume 2, but instead they talk about the Spring Maiden and then Yang takes the lamp after calling Raven out for calling herself strong. No mention of how her leaving Yang affected her daughter, or even Yang trying to find out why.

The final thing with this is just how selfish Raven is. She willingly lets Yang take the relic despite knowing that Salem would go after her, rather than just closing the vault and leaving. That’s a choice. No one needed to take the relic because no one knew that Raven was the Spring Maiden. The only person who knew otherwise was Cinder, and she was believed to be dead at that moment. The fact that she cried for a few seconds seems to be enough for some fans to say that she obviously cared when Raven hadn’t shown any of that before.

She purposely manipulated Yang, she abandoned her family, she wanted the villains to kill her brother and lets Cinder throw a fireball at Ruby (Yang’s sister and her teammates daughter), and she shows no remorse for this until that one moment. That’s not good enough, and I certainly hope that Yang gets at least some closure in the upcoming volumes.

Jacques & Winter, Weiss and Whitley

The interesting thing about Jacques’ abuse on his children, and his wife, is that it’s one of the few abusive relationships that we see have a different effect on each one of his victims.

First one and the one I actually have least to say about is Willow, but it seems that his abuse of her has the biggest impact because of how much it affects their children. It’s pretty clear that their marriage was very much toxic, but not so much that she would’ve suspected that Jacques didn’t actually love her given Willow’s severe reaction and decline mentally when he confessed that he only married her for her name. 

This beating down of his wife’s mental state and driving her to alcoholism has the negative effect on the children because they no longer have that maternal figure in their life anymore. Willow was a caring mother; she attended Weiss’ recitals, she cared enough to throw them birthday parties and was angry when Jacques was late to Weiss’ tenth birthday, but after that she just stopped caring.

His behaviour with his children is that of a typical narcissist, and that it seems to have an effect on each Schnee child differently. It very much relies on dividing the siblings, playing on the typical golden child vs black sheep, and even then the term golden child is used loosely given how easily they can lose that title if they even step a toe out of line. With that mentality, Winter, Weiss and Whitley have that source of comfort and strength with standing together taken away.

Not only that, but a majority of his abuse comes from that narcissist behaviour. To Jacques, his children aren’t people with their own dreams and feelings and wants, their physical extensions of himself that he can control, befitting that of stocks to a business owner.

Let’s start with Winter. We can pretty much infer that what happened to Weiss had happened to Winter given what she says in Volume 3, that she went through something similar when she left to join the army. Winter leaving home to join the army is a direct comparison to the story of an abused child leaving the household to join the military as a way of escaping that trauma, and even then Winter is not completely free from Jacques because she has to keep contact with him.

It’s likely that moment of freedom she granted herself by joining the army was taken as an affront to Jacques’ power and control over her, he can no longer tell Winter what to do because she doesn’t live with him or rely on him for shelter, so he’s going to do the next best thing he can. He cuts Winter off from her money. It’s a fantastic representation of financial abuse that also affects Weiss in Volume 3, and shows how far Jacques is willing to go just to prove that Winter ultimately can’t escape him so long as she is in Atlas, which she remains due to her work.

The effect this has on Winter is very open and clear. Winter has pretty much thrown herself into her work and professionalism, to the point where, while it’s obvious she deeply cares for Weiss and had been looking out for her sister since they were children, she cannot let herself be free and open with her feelings. To Winter, her place in the military is home because it’s given her that chance for freedom away from her abusive household, away from Jacques. If that’s threatened or insulted, such as her fight with Qrow because he called Ironwood and the Atlas military “sellouts”, she will take it personally and lose her temper because she owes everything to Ironwood and the military.

Weiss is the one with the most affected character because of her status as one of the protagonist. Taking into account all of the material surrounding her backstory, Weiss, like Winter, was treated more as an object or commodity by Jacques, something that he could force to do whatever he pleased. It’s shown in the Mirror Mirror manga where he pushed her to sing at concerts at a young age, even to the point where Weiss was exhausted. When Winter stepped in and told Weiss to rest, Jacques took that as a slight against him and berated Winter viciously, lecturing her on upholding the Schnee name. He cares more about the name than his daughter’s health.

Even in her debut trailer,Weiss had to fight and be disfigured before Jacques allowed her to go to Beacon instead of Atlas. The permanent reminder of that constantly on her face. Even when Weiss finally managed to get to Beacon, Jacques constantly rang hr in an attempt to keep in touch with her, trying to uphold that small amount of power he had with Weiss in another continent. Trying to leave an abuser is incredibly difficult if you still have contact with them, even if it’s something as small as phone calls.

When she didn’t do what he wanted and answer his calls, that same financial abuse that Winter was subjected to happened again, and it’s obviously embarrassing to Weiss that she can’t even afford a meal now and has to rely on friends. That attempt to isolate her through embarrassment is just another effect from Jacques’ decision to cut Weiss off. When she becomes more rebellious and mouths back to him, as well as calling everyone out at the party in Volume 4, Jacques couldn’t handle this kind of rebellion like a narcissist would.

To him, Weiss is being unreasonable and he had given her everything she could ever want, so at this point he would simply take it all away. He can’t handle shame and seems to hold the Schnee name up, despite marrying into it, and when Weiss points this out he finally delves into physical abuse by slapping her. Given her shocked reaction to this, I don’t think she expected him to hit her, pointing that Jacques usually went for more emotional manipulation to keep them in line.

Finally, his abuse of Whitley has pushed his son in the complete opposite direction to his sister. As the youngest and unable to leave through the same way his siblings did, either joining the Academy or the military, Whitley spent his time in the manor with Jacques completely alone and isolated. So, in a desperate attempt to handle this pressure, he’s simply buckled under Jacques’ thumb and does whatever he can to appease his father, just because he’s seen what happens if he rebels like Weiss and Winter did.

Another note is that Whitley was 5/6 when Jacques’ true reasons for marrying Willow came out. After that Willow stopped being much of a part in her children’s lives, so much so that she’s constantly sitting in the gardens getting drunk. Because of that young age, Whitley never had any solid memories of a time where Willow was a more active and caring mother, unlike Winter and Weiss. While it can hurt to remember how someone used to be when they’ve fallen so far, they at least have those memories to hold onto. Whitley doesn’t, and that likely adds more into his isolation.

It seems however, that to a worryingly large amount of the FNDM, that Whitley’s abuse is swept under the rug and not talked about as much as Weiss and Winter’s, some even making him out to be the villain. The only thing that Whitley is guilty of is his poor attitude, and that alone doesn’t constitute to him being a villain or needing redemption. He wasn’t responsible for Weiss being disinherited, and his words to Weiss afterwards just tells us how much Jacques is getting to him.

If he doesn’t go against his father, he’s rewarded, but if he behaves like Weiss and Winter, then he too will be punished. An abuse victim still trapped in their home will do whatever they can to survive, and unfortunately for Weiss, Whitley doesn’t have the same escape options that she does or the connections outside of the family.

Marcus & Mercury

There isn’t any onscreen time where we witness this abuse firsthand, but the effects of Marcus’ brutal treatment on Mercury is prevalent even after he killed his father. Mercury has been impacted severely both emotionally and physically.

Having been installed to be an unfeeling assassin by Marcus, showing any sort of emotional vulnerability is impossible for Mercury, and the one time he does talk about the things he went through to Emerald, he does so in his own way and reacts very badly when Tyrian reveals to be listening in to his troubled past. Even going to the point where he tries to attack Tyrian because he wasn’t taught how to handle his emotions in a healthy way.

He shows little sympathy for Emerald’s confusion and fear over not knowing what is right, but that’s not to say that Mercury doesn’t care at all. It’s likely that Marcus’ told him that, as well as relying on his semblance, feeling normal emotions like fear, empathy and love is weakness, and even likely beaten it out of Mercury. This leads a very emotionally disturbed teenager.

Now with the physical part we get some very disturbing reminders of what Mercury went through with his father. The first thing is that the fight between them ended up costing Mercury his legs, forcing him to wear prosthetics. That’s a very much blatant reminder of how far Marcus went, and not only will Mercury have to wear prosthetics for the rest of his life, but the pain both physically and mentally from the action will always stick with him. 

The second part is even worse. Marcus practically took Mercury’s semblance, something that’s considered the very essence by the characters in RWBY, and Mercury canonically sees this as his father defiling him. Mercury is constantly reminded that he will never get his semblance back, unlike Jaune and Roman who simply didn’t unlock theirs, and pushed him to work harder than anyone else to get where he is. Both of these physical injuries serves to tell the audience just how much Marcus’ abuse of Mercury not only remain, but stick to him as well. 

Cinder & Emerald

Similar to Jacques with his children, Cinder is shown to not really care about Emerald outside of her Semblance, in fact only taking Emerald into the group because she was useful to Cinder’s plan. She plays on Emerald’s past as a street orphan by promising companionship and never having to go hungry again, something that Emerald desperately craved. 

The main aspect to this relationship that makes it interesting is that, as of this time, it’s still an abusive relationship that the victim is in and wants to stay in. Emerald deeply cares about Cinder, and going off Mercury’s observation, sees her as the mother figure she never had. This devotion Emerald has runs so deep that she doesn’t ever question how Cinder treats her and reacts violently when Mercury straight up tells her that Cinder doesn’t care about either of them.

It’s at the point where Emerald doesn’t even consider her relationship with Cinder toxic. Everyone else knows that their relationship with their abuser in question was at least not good, even Blake in the early volumes because she knew that she had to get away from him despite her still coming to terms with it all. Emerald, however, is portrayed as the victim that doesn’t even think of themselves as a victim.

It reminds me of a video I watched recently. Here’s the link for anyone to watch, but it basically explains the type of abuse that doesn’t actually get shown all that much in media. Most abusive relationships portrayed have the abuser as a sadistic villain who abuses their victim because it brings them joy, and the victim knows that they’re being abused but are too scared to leave. It can be how the relationship is towards the end, but hardly any abusive relationship in real life are like that.

Cinder doesn’t accept any rebellion from Emerald. Like Jacques, she slaps Emerald and tells her to remember her place when she simply told Cinder that they didn’t need Mercury. To her, anything that Emerald says that isn’t her submissively accepting Cinder’s rule is something that needs to be snuffed out, even with physical abuse if needed. 

While Mercury works for Cinder as well, this abusive relationship doesn’t affect him like it does Emerald, mostly because he isn’t in a delusioned mindset where he believes Cinder actually cares and he doesn’t need anything that Cinder can give to him. Their relationship seems strictly professional, Cinder needed an assassin and Mercury had the skills to do the job, as well as his underlying fear of what’s beyond his life that was forced on him. To Mercury, there is no need of approval or companionship from Cinder that Emerald wants. 

Salem & Ozpin

This is the relationship that mirrors so much to the abusive relationship between Adam and Blake, and yet it weirdly doesn’t get much screen time pointing out how toxic it was, rather spending time portraying Salem’s backstory and Start to Darkness. Seeing how Ozpin was treated by his wife is pretty much ignored not only by the cast but also the FNDM, with some people even going as far as to deny that it was even abusive to begin with.

Even before she threw herself into the Grimm pools, Salem was not a good person. After Ozma died, she went to demand that the Gods brought him back, not thinking for a moment about what Ozma himself wanted, and when the Gods constantly brought him back to life and killed him over and over again, Salem is not angry at that. She only fights against them when the God of Darkness took Ozma away from her again, demanding that they give him back. It shows Salem to actually be pretty selfish and unable to comprehend that what she wants may not be what’s actually best.

The good thing about this is that the story explains why Salem is like that. She’s not selfish to be selfish, she was sheltered away in a tower for all her life and as a result, was never taught proper coping mechanisms when she inevitably faces death, loss and grief. Not only that, the Gods’ behaviour towards her did not help matters. Rather than actually caring that she was hurting and help Salem, they treated her very much like a child throwing a tantrum and punished her in the cruelest way they could.

The thing is that this selfishness carries on after she and Ozma reunite. She canonically manipulated Ozma into acting like gods to lord over the new humanity, and when he started showing doubt she turned the blame on him by saying that he wanted it. Even when Ozma, who is derailed by the show and fans for keeping secrets, comes completely clean to Salem, she does not extend that courtesy and keeps what happened with the Gods a secret from him. 

Eventually, when Ozma no longer wants to be a part of her plan or let her use their daughters to remake the world in her image, she attacks him and kills their own children. Salem shows no remorse for this, she knew that her children were there long before she attacks and she does so anyway. This just shows how little she cares about her own husband and children if they don’t toe the line with her. It even extends to her blaming Ozma for the fighting by telling him that they finally had freedom, seemingly holding resentment that Ozma didn’t want to be with her. After that, she burns Ozma alive.

The whole war between her and Ozma, even to her admission, is her want to watch everything that Ozma worked for burned to the ground. The only thing fueling Salem at this point is spite, just like what was fueling Adam after Blake left him and the White Fang. To her, Ozma has thrown away everything she worked hard for and that selfishness and inability to comprehend others’ viewpoints come into play.

Over the thousands of years after that fight, she does everything in her power to further terrorize Ozma. She turns his allies against him, she has her minions destroy his school and kill his Huntsmen, and in her song Divide, it’s basically a song gaslighting Ozma with Salem blaming him for everyone dying and saying that their blood is on his hands. There is no difference between that and Adam’s line “Why must you hurt me, Blake?” after he dismembered Yang. It’s classical abusive move of having the victim blame themselves for things that weren’t their fault.

Just like Blake, Ozpin is clearly affected by this abuse under Salem. He can no longer trust people, and he even goes as far as to blame himself for everything that goes wrong even when it’s not his fault, just like Blake does. He has such a low view of himself that he admits he’s made more mistakes than any man, woman or child on the planet, and the show at this point hasn’t had Ozma begin to talk to anyone about this even after Team RWBY saw what his life with Salem was like. 

I certainly hope he gets the support he desperately needs in the upcoming volumes, because the writing regarding everyone dealing with this knowledge is questionable at the moment. 

Salem & her followers

Just like with Ozma, Salem is canonically manipulative with both the show supporting this and the writers in the Volume 6 commentary. She is especially harsh with Cinder and Tyrian, given that she spends the most time with them in Volume 4 especially, and you can see how differently the two react when around her. 

Tyrian is utterly devoted to Salem, putting her up on a pedestal as a goddess, and Salem isn’t afraid to use this devotion against him in cruel ways. She dangles hope in front of him when contemplating over his failure in capturing Ruby, even though he stung Qrow who was by rights and purposes, going to die. However, when Tyrian seems more hopeful that he’s pleased her, Salem snatches that glimmer away and leaves him to have a mental breakdown.

Cinder on the other hand is completely quiet, and even when she can talk again, doesn’t have her attitude from the volumes before. When Salem snaps at her while training, Cinder visibly cringes. It’s pretty clear from her character and mentality that Cinder was someone who was so devalued and powerless in the past that she is willing to do anything not to be put in that situation again, even put up with Salem’s treatment of her.

Just like Salem, Cinder had become a victim of the cycle of abuse, and while Salem is no longer a victim, Cinder has swapped one likely abusive situation for another one. It even carries on into Volume 6, where Salem treats Cinder being outcasted from the group like a child being put in time out. It’s very infantalising and mentally damaging to Cinder, but Salem seems to treat it as adequate punishment for Cinder failing her. No matter what one feels about Cinder, no one deserves to be abused. 

Despite their less screen time together, Salem’s behaviour even extends to the other members of her group. She physically assaults Hazel after the failure at Haven for simply accepting the blame, and shows little care for Tyrian getting caught by the table when she threw it. Given that the writers confirmed that she has a different way to getting to each member to do what she wants, and we’ve seen that she uses Tyrian’s devotion against him, it’s not a big stretch to assume she uses more physical means when Hazel eventually does cross her. 

Her way of getting to Emerald is even through fear. She’s made Emerald so afraid of what she could do to her that even just asking has Emerald quickly giving up someone she cares about deeply, and that kind of emotional manipulation is a classic abuser tactic.

Blake & Sun

Now this one has raised probably the most controversy in the FNDM, and I can see why. No, the relationship between Sun and Blake is not inherently abusive, nor is it any way evidence that Blake is an abuser on level with anyone else that is mentioned in this post. She’s not malicious or hurting Sun because of some slight against her, even though that’s not the only type of abuser and we’ll go into further detail in a moment. 

The problem is that her behaviour towards Sun during Volume 4 is abusive, and it’s the worst written abuse in the entire show in my opinion.

The main thing that makes me say that is I’m not even sure if the writers intended to make these moments in Volume 4 abusive, but whether they intended for it or not doesn’t negate the fact that these scenes very much read that way, and it makes me uncomfortable to watch through even to this day. It’s not even just one fight where things got so heated that Blake lashed out, it happened multiple times over the course of the volume.

The first time is the boat. Sun was in the wrong for following after Blake like he did while she was still reeling from her trauma at Beacon, but that did not mean she was in the right to slap him across the face and then slap his hand away later on in the boat. She wasn’t in danger, Sun wasn’t threatening her and they weren’t even arguing, Sun was happy that they just survived a Grimm attack. Blake had a right to feel scared and angry that Sun basically followed her without her knowing, but that does not give her the right to lay her hands on him.

The show does this worse by playing it off as comedy. RWBY has a problem with playing some scenes for comedy when the exact same thing happening to a different character is framed as dramatic. Most slapstick comedy is scenes like Ruby and Yang fighting in the room in Volume 1 just before their exam, or Winter smacking Weiss on the head because she was rambling about things that she didn’t ask about. Blake hitting Sun here is not slapstick, but it’s played as such and that makes me very uncomfortable.

The next one is probably the worst offender of the bunch; the argument on the balcony. Once again, Sun was in the wrong for intruding on an intimate moment between Blake and her father, someone she hadn’t talked to in five years and thought that he hated her, but it wasn’t any malicious reason for Sun doing it. He had information about the White Fang that was urgent for Blake to know, because as he said, the White Fang would still go for her even if she didn’t go after them. 

Should he have waited? Yep. Does that mean Blake was in the right for slapping him in the face twice? Nope.

On top of that, she goes one step further and breaks his phone when he tries to show her a photo of the White Fang member he found in Menagerie. She threw it off the balcony. 

And the last scene is when Sun wakes up from being unconscious. He almost died, and yet Blake sits there and immediately goes on about herself and why she constantly runs away. It’s not bad for her to explain to Sun why she ran away, but the problem is that she doesn’t even bother to ask him if he was alright or at least tell him where he was before going into her rant about her friends getting hurt about her. The other problem is that we already know why she ran away, it’s all she ever talks about. She ran away so that her friends wouldn’t get hurt, she ran away because she believes it’s better to be alone, she ran away to think for a while after the Fall of Beacon.

Her whole speech in this scene gives us no new information and comes at the cost of portraying Blake as a very unsympathetic person. Even when Sun tries to comfort her despite being injured, she tells him to shut up and shouts at him. She towers over him aggressively with her hands balled up into fists, and you can clearly see Sun flinches now because Blake has made it clear to him that when she’s upset or angry she hits him.

And just like Salem, Blake’s behaviour makes sense. She’s stressed and scared and likely feels just as alone as she did when she first left the White Fang and Adam, only now she knows that Adam is explicitly coming after her and everyone she loves. Her past abuse at a young age means that Blake likely doesn’t understand how to healthily deal with negative emotions while in a relationship, something that Miles pointed out.

And even then, Blake is not inherently abusive. Her behaviour in Volume 5 has her and Sun’s relationship much more mutually respected and healthy. Even when she was frustrated she no longer took it out on him, and it’s good to see that after the mess that was Volume 4, but it’s how it’s handled that still bothers me.

Blake never learns that she shouldn’t be treating Sun like that. She’s called out by Sun for pushing her friends out and to let them help, but that’s not pointing out that she’s copying Adam’s own behaviours. It would’ve actually been a good and realistic arc given that it’s called the cycle of abuse for a reason. Blake realizing that she’s doing to Sun what Adam was doing to her and actively making the choice to do better, not having someone just tell her, would have been interesting to watch compared to what we got.

I feel like the FNDM can’t see this as abuse because Blake isn’t like the other abusers that we get in RWBY, and outside of Volume 4 her behaviour is not abusive to anyone. Even then, it’s understandable why she acts that way but that doesn’t mean how she acted can just be swept under the rug by both show and FNDM. It’s an ugly part of her character that should be acknowledged, and just because it happened doesn’t make her this evil being. Abusers can learn, and they can most certainly change, and that’s what Blake did.

I just wish the writers did it better.

So that’s it for all the abusers and their writing in RWBY. Overall? The writers certainly can handle this topic with the care and dedication it needs, and I’m actually happy with what we were given. Unfortunately, the ones that they did stumble one are pretty egregious and just leave me with a bitter taste in my mouth regarding those characters.

All I have to say is that abuse can come from different sources, and that media could do well with showing this difference. Abusers are often portrayed as one-dimensional bullies that torture their victims for laughs, while this is far from the truth and leaves people with a twisted version of what an abuser is, but I don’t think RWBY does that. Even when they stumble, they’ve written characters out to be just that; characters. Although we have more stereotypical abusers like Jacques, we also have those who come from pretty sympathetic backstories, even though we know that it doesn’t excuse their actions, such as Adam and Salem.

And really that’s the message I hope people do learn and use it to protect themselves with. You are hardly ever going to find someone who is so obviously an abuser; what makes them so terrifying is just how human they can be, and that sometimes they even have this twisted sense of love and reasoning over abusing their victims. Rarely it’ll be for sadistic reasons, but rather that they’re protecting their loved ones or that because they help in the victim’s dreams or goals that it makes their treatment of the victim okay, but it never is.

No one deserves to be hit, or made to feel like trash, or have their possessions broken. Everyone deserves love and companionship. Either way, thank you all for reading!

[kpop---scenarios]

Bad Habits

This was requested by a lovely lady! 

Moodboard was done by the beautiful: @lovely-kpopp-blog​

Pairing: Chanyeol x reader/ Siwon x reader/ Surprisr x reader. 

Warning: Cheating, SMUT, light stalking, swearing. 

Word Count: 11.9k 

Everyone has bad habits, whether its smoking, drinking, drugs, or stealing. 

 And others, like you, it just so happens to be sleeping with a man who is engaged. You never planned on being a mistress, in fact you had always hated those who cheated, but everything that happened in your life led you up to where you are now. 

Always remember, there’s two sides to every story.

All your life you’d looked up to the man who raised you, your father. He was a king to you, the one who would always be there for you, the one who scared away the monsters. He was the one who protected you from all the scary things as you grew up. He was there for you everyday when you got home from school with a warm smile on his face and his arms outright, ready to embrace you. 

Until one day he wasn’t there. And the next day he wasn’t. It had been months since you had seen your father, and your mother refused to talk about it. She would only shake her head and weep if you brought him up, so eventually you stopped asking. Until about a year later, when you were 18, you had gotten a phone call from him. He wanted to see you and explain his absence. You were hesitant, rightfully so bit you ultimately agreed to meet him. 

A part of you was excited to finally see him after countless returned letters, and unanswered phone calls. You arrive at the coffee shop he suggested meeting at and the first thing you see is a smile that you would recognize anywhere. Your father, was laughing with another woman. He had his arms wrapped around a woman that was not your mother, and that’s when it hit you. 

He really had been cheating on your mom. He had really left her for a younger woman. You wanted to deny it all this time, refusing to believe that your father would do anything like that. Until now, when it smacked you in the face and you couldn’t fight back the tears. As your father waved at you, anger immediately took over your body. You stomped over there, the tears flowing. Your dads smiling face faltered to confused and upset, seeing you in the state you were in. 

“Y/N, what’s.. “ he began before you cut him off. 

 “So this is why you disappeared? You left mom and I for some fucking hussy" you spit, gesturing to the woman who now looked uncomfortable. 

 “Its not what you think" your father tried to explain. “Just let me explain" he tries.  

“Fucking save it" you spit. “I don’t want to see you ever again" you cry. Turning around you storm out of the shop, running down the sidewalk, blinded by your tears. 

 You hadn’t seen your father in 7 years. It’s not as though he hadn’t tried to reach out to you. He tried constantly for the last 7 years, including the other day, but you refused.

Now you were happy. You had put enough of your past with your father behind you to have a relatively healthy relationship and did your best to trust him. You and Chanyeol had been together for almost 3 years and you’d never been happier. 

You had just transferred to a new company, and he was the first person to show you around and be nice to you. After that first day, you always ate lunch together, you went out on weekends, went for coffee. You two were constantly together. You had fallen fast and easily for him. You were hesitant when he asked you to be his girlfriend because you weren’t sure if you could trust him. 

Would he hurt you? Would he treat you right? Would he leave you? All those questions swarmed your head, but despite all your hesitations, you said yes. And you were so glad you did. 

 The life you had built with him was so amazing. You were beyond happy and could see a life going further with him. He had recently been bringing up the possibility of marriage and children and your heart fluttered. You were happy. 

You were, until tonight. 

You had been working a little later than usual, It was a Sunday, but your boss had needed you to come in and help him with some case studies. Being a secretary to a lawyer was exhausting. You worked long hours, most days. However, he was going away for a few weeks so that meant you had some paid time off, and you couldn’t wait. You sent Chanyeol a quick message telling him you’d be home around 9pm and he replied he wanted to have a movie night and cuddle. After the week you had, you looked forward to it immensely. 

To your surprise, you had finished work rather early, around 7pm. You happily packed up your belongings and head home on the bus. You only lived a few blocks away from work, which was handy but you weren’t in the best neighborhood so the bus was a safer option for you. 

 You were excited as you walked up the stairs to your front door. 

 You were excited as you turned your key in the lock. 

 You were happy as you slipped off your heels and your jacket, before reaching around and unhooking your bra, taking it off and throwing it onto the couch. 

 You were happy until you noticed another bra on the couch. One that definitely did not belong to you.

 You were happy until you heard the familiar moans of Chanyeol. Him growling the same words he said to you as he fucked you. The same names he called you in and out of bed. 

You burst through the door, to find Chanyeol fucking some  girl from behind. 

More specifically, your best friend. 

“Y/N. It’s not what it looks like" she cries as Chanyeol pulls out of her quickly, scrambling off the bed. 

 “I can explain baby" he huffs, finding anything he could use to cover himself up with. 

 At this point you were numb. You just stared at the two people in the world you thought would never hurt you. The two people you thought you could trust with anything. They knew your past. They knew you had a hard time trusting people, but these were the only two that you had opened up too, spilling your deepest, darkest secrets. You told everything to them. 

“How could you?” you ask. You want to cry. You want to scream, but you couldn’t. “After everything I’ve told you. You knew everything about my past and you go and do this? The two people I’ve trusted the most betray me in the worst possible way.” You whisper. 

 “Please Y/N, please let me explain. It was a mistake. It was never supposed go happen" Minsoo, your best friend.. ex best friend cries. 

 “Really? Then what was supposed to happen?” you spit, the rage finally building up. You clench your fists, tightly. How dare they try to excuse this? 

 “He called me a few weeks ago to help him plan the proposal he was going to do.” she whispers. 

 “So it’s been going on a few weeks?” you scoff. “You claim you love me and want to propose and have fucking children with me, but you can’t keep your fucking cock in your pants?” 

“She kissed me first! She said how she wished she had a man like me!” Chanyeol yells, in an attempt to defend himself. 

 “Why didn’t you just, I don’t know.. push her off? Or are you just fucking clueless?” you scoff. “And a man like him?” you ask, pointing to Minsoo. “So what, you just decide to take him for yourself like the greedy bitch you are?” 

 “I never meant too..” Minsoo begins before Chanyeol cuts her off. 

 “We can work through this.. all of us. We can put it behind us. We can get married and I will stay away from Minsoo" Chanyeol offers. 

 “Or.. you can both get fucked. Oh wait, looks like you’ve already done that.” You spit, storming out of the room. 

 Everything was blurry, you could barely see through your tears. Somehow you ended up a nightclub. The music blaring, women smiling as they danced on men, who would likely fuck them over. 

As you ordered your fourth tequila shot, the tears wouldn’t stop flowing. What the fuck, is all you could think. You huffed as you pulled your phone out of your pocket. 

71 missed calls. 104 new messages. 

You read a few from Chanyeol. 

 Please baby. 

 I’m so sorry. 

 I love you. 

 And you read a few from Minsoo. 

 It was a mistake. 

 I can’t lose you over a guy. 

 Please talk to me. 

You scoffed at both of them. They were likely still at the apartment, telling each other what to say. You wished them well. You were sure she would end up knocked up by him, he would cheat again and leave her to take care of their kid. They had a bright future together. 

 Tossing your phone on the bar, you groaned as you dropped your head into your hands. You wanted to scream and curse, but instead you looked up and ordered another shot. 

 “You okay?” the man beside you asked, sipping on his drink. 

 “No" you say, your eyes still shut.  

“Ahh. Trouble in paradise?” he chuckles. 

 “Paradise?” you laugh. “You mean hell? I caught my boyfriend and my best friend fucking in my bed tonight.” You declare. 

 “Fuck, they sound shitty" He sighs. “Bartender, another round for my friend here" he says. 

You look at him, seeing an extremely handsome face. His suit was tight, showing off his large muscle. “Shitty? Try tasteless, foul, sleazy scums of the earth.” You say. 

 He laughs. “Fair enough. Could I interest you in a dance? Maybe take your mind off things, at least temporary” he offers. 

 “I don’t even know your name" you say, looking him straight in the eyes. 

 “Choi Siwon" he answers, extending his hand to you. 

 “Y/N L/N" you say, returning the shake. “If you buy me another drink, I’ll consider it" you smirk, raising an eyebrow. 

 “Bartender. Two more shots please” he smiles, his eyes never leaving your face. 

Twenty minutes later, you’re doing your best to casually walk out of the men’s bathroom, your lipstick smeared and your hair a mess. You try to adjust yourself, to make it look like you hadn’t just been fucked hard. 

 As you’re walking through the small hallway, a smile forms on your face as your think about what happened only minutes ago, and what led up to that moment. 

*You and Siwon taking a shot, your eyes never losing contact. 

 You licking your lips as you stare at his. 

 Him cocking his eyebrow as he puts his hand on your thigh, slowly rubbing his fingers up and down. 

 You getting off the barstool, excusing yourself to the bathroom and ‘accidently’ rubbing your ass against him. You peering over your shoulder as you walk away, your hips swaying. 

Siwon grinning as he quickly follows you. 

 Him grabbing your shoulder and spinning you around before you’re able to walk into the women’s bathroom, nudging his knee in-between your legs, your wrist pinned against the wall. 

 “You sure about this?” he had asked you. 

 “Fuck me" you whined.*

Sitting on the same barstool, your pussy aches for more as you think about how he sat you on the sink and hiked up your skirt before moving your panties to the side. His tounge licking you, his mouth sucking your clit. The way he only undid his pants enough to allow his cock to spring free, before entering you raw. The way his large hand clamped itself over your mouth, as he pounded his cock into you. 

 You ached for more. However, he had disappeared after you had left the bathroom. What ever happened to the dance you were supposed to get?  You assumed he had just gotten what he wanted and you were now going to head back to your apartment to deal with the shit show that was your life now. Nodding at the bartender, you just want to pay your tab now and get this shitty conversation over as quickly as you could.  

“I’d like to pay my tab" you half slur. 

 The bartender chuckles. “It’s been taken care of, by your friend. This is also for you" he tells you, sliding a napkin towards you. 

 Opening it up you see a phone number with a short message. ‘Let’s do it again. 2262836375. - S' 

 A smile plasters over your face as you shove the note into your bra, getting up to head out. Arriving back at your apartment, you’re met by a crying Chanyeol and Minsoo, both still crying but finally dressed. 

 “Is there a reason you’re both still crying on my fucking couch?” 

 “We’re too distraught to do anything else” Minsoo cries. 

 “Well you can both do whatever the fuck you want. I’m grabbing your shit and you can get out.” You snap at Chanyeol, walking into the bedroom. 

 You’re immediately disgusted as you stare at the bed you once shared with Chanyeol. It was once a special place for the two of you, the secrets you shared, the laughter, the tears. It was all now tainted by the two people you trusted most. Now you were going to have to burn it. After grabbing everything he had left there, you roll his suitcase out into the living room, where the two are still sitting on the couch, crying. 

 “Please Y/N. I love you" Chanyeol says, looking at you with the puppy dog eyes that used to melt your heart. 

And now you just felt rage. “If you loved me, you wouldn’t have fucked my best friend. Sorry, ex best friend" you spit, glaring at Minsoo. “I hope the two of you have a terrible fucking life together. You deserve it. Now get the fuck out" you snap, practically shoving the two of them out the door. “Fuck you" you smile at both of them before slamming the door. 

You slide down, bringing your knees to your chest. You didn’t want to cry, you were a badass bitch. What you needed was another distraction. You pulled the napkin from your bra, looking at the note from Siwon again. You pulled out your phone, deleting all the messages from Chanyeol and Minsoo that were begging you to forgive them. You type in Siwon's number, sending him a quick text, wondering why he gave you his number after he disappeared right after he got what he wanted. 

 [2:05am] You: Why would you leave your number, if you just left right after we were finished? – Y/N 

 [2:07am] Siwon: I didn’t disappear, you left me. I felt rather hurt and betrayed, if I’m being honest.

 [2:09am] You: When I turned around you were gone. If anyone should be hurt and betrayed, it should be me. 

 [2:10am] Siwon: Let me make it up to you. Dinner this Thursday? 

 You smiled as you reread his text. You really shouldn’t be doing this, considering you just got out of a serious relationship. However, what better way to get over someone than to get under someone new?

[2:12am] You: Sounds good. 

[2:14am] I’ll text you details later. Get some sleep, beautiful.   

You plugged your phone in before grabbing spare blankets and a pillow from your closet. You would have to get rid of your bed tomorrow and all your favorite sheets and pillows.

** 

 Monday you had a hard time concentrating due to your phone constantly buzzing with pleas from Chanyeol for you to just sit down and meet with him. You finally turned your phone off. You didn’t want to see him face to face yet. 

Tuesday was the same.

And so was Wednesday. 

 You finally decided Thursday you would meet up with him after work, since dinner with Siwon wasn’t until 8pm. You sat in the café with your hands wrapped around a coffee mug. You had gotten there 20 minutes early and had yet to have a drink of your almost cold beverage. You felt like your stomach was going to drop from the anticipation of Chanyeol’s arrival. 

 The moment you saw him, you felt like you might actually end up punching him in the face. He looked worn out. His hair was a mess and greasy, the bags under his eyes made him look like he hadn’t slept in days. 

 “Hi” he whispered as his slide into the seat across from you. 

 “Hello" you answered back, avoiding eye contact. 

You stared at your mug, finally decided to at least have a sip. Your mouth was dry. “I don’t know what you want me to say to you. And there isn’t really much you can say to me to make this better, Chanyeol.” 

“I know I can’t make it better. But I want to at least try to have you forgive me, or explain my actions.” He says, maintaining eye contact. 

 “Say what you need too" 

 “I firstly want to apologize again. It was never my intention to do that. You need to know, I do truly love you. I did try to refuse and get her to stop but she told me you were seeing someone else and that it could be payback.” He tells you. “I realize now she just said that to get me into bed. I’m not excusing my actions, I should have known better" 

 “Yeah you should have. I never cheated on you. I never once even thought about it. You knew how I felt about cheating. How I watched my mom suffer because of my fathers infidelity.” 

 “I never wanted to make you feel like that. At the time I was hurt and confused and thought of it as revenge.” Chanyeol whispers. 

 “Well that’s just stupid. I thought you knew me better than that. Guess I was wrong.” You say.  

“Is there anyway we can start over? Clean slate?” he wonders. 

 “No. There’s nothing you could ever do to make me trust you again. Frankly I don’t even want to be around you. Goodbye, Chanyeol" you finish, standing up and walking out the door with your head held high. 

Going home, you sat on your couch for a few minutes, trying to process what he had said. Could you trust him again? Possibly. Did you want to trust him again and be with him? Absolutely not. 

 Standing up, you take a few deep breaths, getting rid of the sadness you were feeling over a lost 3 year relationship. You walked towards your room, plugging your phone in and began to play a playlist that made you feel good. You opened up your closet, deciding what to wear tonight. 

You had no idea where the two of you were going, so you opted for a red dress with spaghetti straps and an open back. It fell mid thigh and hugged your curve perfectly, while the back was a little looser. You decided on no panties tonight. Dancing your way into the bathroom, you sing along to one of your favorite songs, All I Wanna Do by Jay Park. You did a smoky eye and red lipstick to complete your look. 

You took your hair from the bun you had it in for work, letting your hair flow down into a natural look. Glancing at the clock, you see it’s about 20 minutes until your date. You walk to your phone, checking to see is Siwon had messaged you, and he did. He told you the location was a surprise but he asked for your address to pick you up. You sent him your location before heading back to your closet to pick a pair of shoes. You decided to go for a pair of black pumps that accentuated your legs. 

 Grabbing your purse, you head down to the front of your building to wait for his arrival. A part of you wanted to go to dinner, get drunk and eat some good food with some pretty good company. But the other part of you, the dirty girl wanted to have Siwon in between your legs again, instead. As a car pulled up, the passenger side window rolled down, revealing a smiling Siwon. 

“Well hello there" 

 “Hi" you smile, climbing into the front seat. 

 “You look amazing” Siwon purrs, eyeing your body. 

 “Well thank you. You don’t look so bad yourself" you say, buckling yourself in. “So where are we going?” you ask. Your curiosity was definitely getting the best of you. 

 “It’s a surprise" he winks. 

 “I also have a surprise for you" you say in a seductive whispe, feeling brave. New you, new attitude. 

"Oh? And what’s that?” he asks. 

 “I’ll have to show you" you smirk, grabbing his hand from his lap while you part your legs, placing his hand on your bare pussy. “Surprise” you say. 

 You didn’t know what it was about Siwon. You had only known him for a few days, your relationship with Chanyeol freshly over, and here you were being a hoe for a man you didn’t know at all. But yet, you couldn’t help it. He brought the dirty girl in you out to play. The adventurous one that you couldn’t be with Chanyeol because he was to nervous about being caught. You needed the excitement of possibly being caught, you loved the thrill of fucking anywhere you wanted. And that’s what you got with Siwon. 

 “Oh fuck. You’re a dirty one, aren’t you?” he asks with a smirk. “You’re going to be the death of me" he says, as he begins rubbing your clit. “I don’t think we’re going to make dinner" he growls, pulling the car over on the side of a relatively busy street. “Backseat" he demands. 

 Giddy like a child on Christmas morning, you got out of the front, moving your way to the backseat. Before you can even close the door to the backseat, Siwon has your dress almost ripped off. His moves your bra out of the way, sucking harshly on one of your nipples as he massages the other one. You throw your head back as you begin to palm his already hard cock through his pants. Likely from your stunt a few minutes ago. 

“What do you want baby?” he growls, nipping at your earlobe. 

 “Your cock. Let me suck your cock" you moan, needing to feel it down your throat. 

 “Fuck" he says, undoing his pants and yanking them down quickly. His cock springs free, and you immediately lean forward, licking the red tip. “Shit. Don’t tease" he begs, bucking his hips, needing you to suck it harder. 

You wrap your lips around his cock, swallowing as much of him as you can take before bringing your head back up, keeping your cheeks sucked together. Using your tounge you swirl it around as you continue to bob your head up and down, while massaging his balls. 

 “Fuck" he hisses, bucking his hips once again, shoving his cock down your throat even more. Before you can lick your lips, his mouth is on yours, and he’s leaning you back. He grabs your legs, bringing them up as high as he can before lining himself up with your entrance. 

 “Dirty girl" he purrs, slowly entering you. His cock stretching you out, filling you up more than you ever have had before. 

“Oh my god" you cry out, your eyes almost rolling to the back of your head. “Your cock feels so good" you moan, as Siwon begins thrusting himself into you. 

 “Do you want me to fuck you hard and fast?” he pants. 

“Yes, please” you cry. Siwon slams his cock into you slowly but harshly, jolting your body with every thrust. You reach in between your legs, rubbing your clit, chasing the anticipated high you know is coming. Your legs stiffen as his grip tightens around your ankles, pounding into as hard as he can, needing his release just as much as you. His thrusts become erratic and slow down right as your orgasm washes through your body, tingling you everywhere, his following not far behind. 

As Siwon pulls himself out of you, you both sat in the back huffing, your bodies sweating. “You’re going to be an adventure” he laughs. “I can feel it" he finishes, getting himself dressed as you put your dress back on. “Would you still like to go for dinner?” he asks, slipping his shoes on. 

 “Absolutely. I’m famished.” You smile, slipping your stilettos on before getting back into the front seat. Arriving at the restaurant, you immediately know the place. 

Chanyeol took you here often. He always paid as he had a way better paying job than you. You groaned at the sight of it. 

“What was that groan for?” he asks. 

 “This is a very expensive restaurant” you mutter. He laughs. 

You like his laugh. 

 “It is” he states. “What’s the problem?”  

“I can’t afford it" you say, embarrassed. 

 “Did you really think I was going to make you pay? I wouldn’t have asked you out if I expected you to pay for yourself. Order whatever your little heart desires. I got it" he winks, grabbing your hand to take you inside. 

 The two of you are seated in a semi private section, where it’s not so loud. As the waiter hands you your menu’s Siwon checks to see what kind of wine you like before ordering the most expensive bottle. 

Chanyeol would always order what he liked and you would either have to drink it or just have your water. You smile as you read the menu. Finally you’d be able to order for yourself. It’s not that Chanyeol was controlling or abusive, he just had a habit of ordering for you while you were at restaurants. He always insisted you’d love what he picked and sometimes you did, sometimes you didn’t. He wanted you to try new things. 

 Your wine is poured for you, and you and Siwon place your orders. He orders another expensive thing, along with an appetizer for the two of you to share. Of course he made sure you liked what he picked before he ordered it. It was different, and you liked it. 

 “So what do you do to be able to afford such a luxury as a place like this?” you ask, taking a sip of your white wine. 

“I’m a lawyer. Defense attorney” he tells you. 

 “Really? I work for a defense attorney, as his secretary.” You tell him. 

“Who?” 

 “Kim Junmyeon" as the name slips from your mouth, Siwon’s face turns sour. 

“You work for that fuckbag?” he scoffs. “He’s such an ass and well..” he pauses. 

“Well what?” you ask. 

 “I’m not really supposed to say" he admits. 

 “Tell me" you pressure him with a dazzling smile. 

 “He’ll be getting fired, tomorrow actually" Siwon tells you. 

 “What? So I’ll be out of a job until they find someone new?” you ask, not really asking him but more yourself. “Well shit that sucks" you groan, drinking the rest of your wine in one sip. 

 “They’ve actually already found someone" he says, taking a sip of his drink. 

“Who?” you ask. 

“Me" he chuckles. 

 “You? You’re going to be my be my new boss?” you ask, trying not to choke.

 He just nods his head. 

 “Well I guess this ends here. I can’t be fucking my boss" you say with a sigh. 

 “I’ll make an exception and let it slide. I’m sure you’ll be a very attentive secretary” he winks.

“I can assure you, I will be there for your every need" you say, licking your lips. 

The two of you are there for a few hours, laughing, eating and just all around having a wonderful time. As Siwon gets up to use the bathroom, you hear someone clear their throat from beside your table. Looking up, you’re met with the angry eyes of Chanyeol. 

 “Who the fuck is that?” he snaps, quietly as to not make a scene. 

 “What does it matter to you?” You ask, looking past him, you see Minsoo sitting at a table by herself avoiding eye contact. You notice Chanyeol’s jacket on the chair across from her. The one you had gotten for him for his birthday last year. 

“So what, are you two together now?” you ask, resting your chin on the palm of your hand. 

 “That doesn’t matter. What matters is that you seem to have moved on, awfully quick.” He says. “Maybe she was right and you were fucking someone while we were together.” He snarls. 

 “Oh fuck off Chanyeol. It’s okay for you to be dating the girl you cheated on me with but god forbid I go on a date with someone" you scoff. 

 “When did you meet him?” he asks. 

 “The night I caught you fucking her" you say. “Anymore questions?” 

 “Did you fuck him that night?” 

 “Maybe I did. Why does it matter to you? Do you want to know all the details? How many times he made me cum? What do you want?” you snap. 

 “You’re such a fucking whore" he spits. Right as he finishes his sentence, Siwon was at the table. 

“Is there a problem here?” he asks, his voice low and annoyed. 

 “Not at all. Just wondering why my girlfriend is on a date with someone else" Chanyeol says, his eyes never leaving you. 

 “Ahh. Is this him?” he asks you. 

You nod your head. 

“I believe she’s your ex girlfriend. Because you know, you fucked her best friend” Siwon says, his eyes dark. 

 “I’d like to finish my conversation with her, alone” Chanyeol says, looking at Siwon annoyed. 

 “I don’t think so. She doesn’t seem to be interested in hearing your shitty excuses for your shitty behavior” Siwon tells him. “Now you better be getting back to your date and leaving mine alone before there is a problem" Siwon says, waving the waiter over. Siwon hands him a credit card to pay the bill, not even knowing the cost. 

 “I’ll be seeing you later " Chanyeol mutters to you, his eyes wide, before glaring at Siwon. 

 “Not likely” Siwon says, grabbing his card from the waiter before helping you up and wrapping his arm around your waist to guide you out of the restaurant and that situation. But before you left, you made eye contact with Minsoo on your way out. "Just so you know, your loser, cheating boyfriend begged me to take him back today. Enjoy your dinner, fuckers" 

Everyone else stared at you in horror, as Siwon laughed the two of you out of the restaurant. 

"Are you okay?” he asks once you’re back in the car. 

 “I’m fine. I just don’t know why I’ve let him get under my skin like that.” You say, annoyed. 

 “Would you like me to take you home?” 

 “Please.” You sigh. As he pulls up outside your apartment, he puts the car in park before turning off the engine. “He seems rather unstable” Siwon blurts out. 

“He does, doesn’t he? I wasn’t sure if it was just me" you say, looking him in the eyes. 

 “Do you think he’d come here tonight?” he wonders. 

 “I’m not sure. I wouldn’t be surprised to be honest.” You say, a little terrified to be alone tonight. 

 “I can stay with you, if you’d like?” He offers. “Only if you want. No pressure" 

“Please. I’m a little nervous to be alone tonight” you mumble. Siwon smiles as he gets out of the car, following you up your stairs to your door. Walking into your apartment, Siwon looks around as you go to the kitchen to grab a glass of water. Placing your glass in the sink, Siwon slides his hands onto your hips, working their way up your to rest on your stomach.  

“You can keep going up" you breathe. Siwon moves his hands up, cupping your breasts. 

“Are you not wearing a bra?” he asks. 

 “I didn’t put it back on after you fucked me in your car” you huff as he pinches your now perky nipples. 

 “How did I not notice that?” he growls, nuzzling his face into your neck, peppering it was kisses. 

 “Clearly you’re not very observant” you moan as he bites and sucks on your earlobe.

 Siwon grips your hips, setting you down on the counter. He moves himself in between your legs, leaning himself in close to you. You had thought he was leaning in for a kiss, but his hand reached behind you, turning on the kitchen sink. You look at him with an eyebrow raised as he chuckles at you.

 “Trust me" he whispers, checking to make sure the water was not too hot. Flipping a switch, Siwon grabs the hose while also turning your body around to face to sink. He smirks as he spreads your legs and then your lips, before placing the hard water stream over your clit. 

 “Oh my god” you shudder, your head hanging back as you clench your entire body. “Fuck that feels amazing" you cry out. 

 “Mhm I thought you might like it" Siwon groans, as he watches you come undone by the pulsating water. Your hand grips his bicep as you begin to feel like you’re about to explode. “How do you like this?” he asks before he inserts two fingers into you, pumping them in and out as the water hits the right spot everytime. 

 “Fuck I think I’m going to cum" you scream, everything becoming too much. Siwon quickens his pace as you scream out, your orgasm tearing through your body. You’re trying to catch your breath as he turns the water off and places you on the floor, bent over the counter. Your legs feel like jello, but he keeps a hand on you as he pulls down his pants, freeing his throbbing cock. 

 Siwon lines himself up with you, pushing his way in, hard, allowing you no time to rest. “Fuck baby girl" he grunts as he holds his shirt up, and you while slamming his thick cock into your pussy. 

Weakly, you reach your hand up, gripping the counter top, trying to keep yourself from collapsing. Siwon releases your body from his hand and wraps it around you, reaching down to rub your clit. The overstimulation is almost too much as you cry out, still tender from the massive orgasm you just had. 

 “Please" you whimper, Siwon doesn’t slow his pace down as he pounds himself into you and rubs your clit fiercely. “I can’t. Please” you cry out, wanting to cum but also wanting and needing to not. 

“Tell me to stop and I will" he growls, his pace slowing. 

 “Don’t stop, oh god" you scream, your second orgasm coming so quickly. 

 “You gunna cum for me baby" he growls, his pace picking up again. 

 “Yes yes" you scream, your eyes tightly closed as it washes through your body, again. Your eyes remain closed as Siwon finishes fucking you, releasing his hot cum inside of you, coating your walls. 

 Exhausted, you drag Siwon to your room and your brand new bed. Both of you are still naked and too worn out to get dressed. 

 “Heads up, I have to be at work for 6am tomorrow" you sigh, as you wiggle your body closer to Siwon, who groans at your statement. 

 “Why so early? So you’re going to have to get up at 5?” 

 “Mhmm" you say, dozing off, considering it is already 1am. 

 “You really are going to be the death of me” he says. It’s the last thing you hear before you doze off. 

 ** 

 5am comes awfully quick. You want to cry as your alarm blares throughout your room. 

“Oh my god" Siwon whines. “Does Kim make you work so fuckin early?”

 “He does" you yawn, trying to crawl over him to get ready. He holds onto your hips as you straddle him, his eyes closed. 

“I’ll never make you work this early. That way we can happily sleep in" he sighs. 

“That sounds great, but you need to let me go so I can go shower to wake up" you whine. 

 “Can I join you?” he asks, opening one eye. 

 “No funny business. I have to leave in 40 minutes if I’m going to catch my bus.” You state.

 “Forget the bus, I’ll drive you.” He says, letting you go before getting up himself to join you in the shower.

 “Are you sure no funny business?” he asks, hoping for your answer to change.

 It didn’t. 

 **

 Your work day, surprisingly went by rather quickly. Well the morning at least. In the afternoon you had to listen to Junmyeon being fired in his office and his aggression getting out of hand. It was painful to listen too. The number of insults he tossed out there and the rather impressive unique names he called the men were cringey. The worst of it all was when he started crying and begging for them to let him keep his job. You had been texting Siwon the entire time, giving him a play by play. 

[1:13am] You: They just informed him he was fired. He’s yelling. Very loudly. 

[1:16pm] You: He is absolutely losing it. He call Mr. Byun a cheating fuck. 

[1:21pm] You: Oh my god. He told Mr. Park that his wife’s been cheating on him. 

[1:38pm] You: He told them both they were shitbags, but not human shitbags, but dog shitbags. 8/10 on the insult from me. 

 [2:04pm] You: He’s crying. Loudly. Pleading for his job. It’s rather embarrassing if you ask me. Be a man. 

 [2:17pm] You: It’s silent. I think he might have accepted his fate. 

 [2:18pm] You: Nope. I spoke too soon. He’s calling them shitbags again. You had to run to the bathroom and quickly before they all heard your laughter at Mr. Kim’s unfortunate news. Siwon had texted you back laughing at the entire situation earlier. As you were checking yourself in the mirror, your phone buzzed again. Siwon. 

 [2:57pm] Siwon: Where are you? 

 [2:59pm] You: Checking myself out in the mirror. 

 [3:01pm] Siwon: Send me a picture. Please. 

 You decide to take him up on it. You lock the door to the bathroom before you unbutton your shirt enough for your breasts to pop out. Thank god you decided on a cute bra. The next picture you took, you say on the counter with your legs spread. The picture you took showed enough pussy and panties but still left a little to the imagination, although he’s already seen it and fucked it before. Pressing send, you do yourself back up before heading back to your desk. 

You were just in time to see Mr. Kim being escorted from his office with his box of things in his arms. 

“So sorry Mr. Kim" you say. 

 “Fuck off" he snaps at you before getting on the elevator and leaving. You sit at your desk, impatiently waiting until 5pm when you can go home, when you hear the elevator ding again. Out walks the higher up boss, along with Siwon who is checking his phone. You straighten yourself up before standing up to greet them.  

“Ahh Y/N. This is Mr. Choi. You’ll be his new secretary.” Your boss, Mr. Jeon tells you. 

“Nice to meet you, Mr. Choi.” You say, with a smile but through gritted teeth. 

“Nice to meet you too, Y/N. I look forward to working closely with you" Siwon smiles. 

As Mr. Jeon continues to walk into the office, Siwon waves his phone, giving you a wink before mouthing “thanks.” You could just kill him. 

 **

 The weekend you spent in your apartment, ordering take-out while binge watching your favorite shows and movies. Siwon had told you he had to go out of town for a conference, which wasn’t unusual so you didn’t really think anything of it. It’s not like the two of you were truly in a relationship anyways, he had no obligation to tell you where he was or what he was doing. The weekend passed in a blur of junk food and movies.

 You felt relieved and rested now that you didn’t have to get up at 5am every morning and could sleep until 8am before having to get up to go to work. You were chipper on your way to work Monday morning. Knowing that you didn’t have to deal with the insufferable Junmyeon made it that much better. However, you weren’t entirely sure how working for Siwon was going to be, but it excited you, the unknown.

 That morning you showed up in your usual work attire but your skirt was just a little bit shorter than your others, it was still professional though. You sat down at your desk once you arrived, going through your calendar to see what was planned for today. Siwon showed up a few minutes after you arrived, giving you a nod and a sly wink before entering his office. The butterflies in your stomach were very much present. Once he was settled he called you into his office to go over the plan for today. He had a meeting all morning that he asked you to attend with him, which was weird for you since Junmyeon had always refused for you to come when everyone else brought their secretaries. When he finished speaking he just stared at you for a moment before peaking out his door to make sure no one was around. 

“You look so good today" he whispers, biting his lip. 

 “Well thank you, Mr. Choi.” You smile. “Oh sir, your plaque is crooked. Let me fix that for you" you say. You were standing beside him behind he desk, and instead of going around to fix it, you leaned directly over his desk causing your skirt to ride up to reveal a very racy pair of panties. 

 You could hear Siwon inhale sharply at the site of your exposed self. He wanted to fuck you, so badly. When you moved yourself back to standing up, you smiled at him, as he glared at you. 

 “You’re going to make working here either extremely pleasant or extremely hard" he tells you with a sigh. 

“Likely both. I aim to please" you say with a small wink before walking to the door. “Let me know if you need anything, sir". The last part you partially say as a moan, just to tease him. The meeting was absolutely boring. All you did was take notes, however you missed quite a bit due to Siwon rubbing his foot against your leg. You glared at him every chance you got. Luckily for lunch, you got to order whatever you wanted and didn’t have to pay for it yourself. The only downside being that you couldn’t drink any wine, since you were still on the clock.

Siwon had also made sure to give you quite a substantial raise. A lot more than Junmyeon ever paid you, he was so cheap. The next few weeks flew by. You write enjoyed working for Siwon, it wasn’t awkward like you thought, although the sexual tension between you two was so strong. You hadn’t been able to hook up since he had taken on a extremely high profile case and it took up all of your free time. The two of you had planned a night after the last trial date, on Friday and you were so ready for it. You yearned for his touch, his tounge between your thighs, his cock inside you. 

 Thursday was slow for you as Siwon stayed in his office preparing, only calling for you if he needed notes or coffee. You sat at your desk, answered the phone, constantly telling anyone who called that you had to take a message and you would have him call them back. You were bored until a relatively attractive women stood at your desk. You smiled at her, greeting her appropriately. 

“Hello ma'am, how may I help you?” you asked. 

 “I’m here to see Mr. Choi" she tells you, with a slight smile.

 “Mr. Choi is extremely busy preparing for the trial tomorrow, he has asked that I not let anyone in so he can concentrate.” You explain with a smile.

 “I’m his fiancée, I think it’ll be okay if I visit him” she partially laughs. Your body immediately freezes. Fiancée? He was engaged? What the actual fuck. 

 You maintained your composure as you forced a smile, and getting up to knock on his door. You peeked your head in to see a stressed out Siwon. 

“Yes, Y/N?” he asked.

 “So sorry sir. Your fiancée is here to see you.” You spit through a clenched jaw. Siwon quickly looks up at you, his eyes wide and panicked. Before he could say anything, the woman he is supposed to marry barges in through the door.

 “Hello, darling.” She says, kissing his cheek. “Your secretary is awfully pretty. Why didn’t you tell me?” she chuckles, giving you a half glare. You fight back the tears that are desperately trying to escape from your eyes. 

 “Well if you don’t need anything else from me, I’m going to take off.” You huff. 

“Y/N..” he begins.

 “I’ll see you tomorrow” you whisper, leaving the engaged man with his confused fiancée. 

 ** 

 “Is there something going on between you two?” Jennie asks Siwon. “She seems to like you.” She finished. Siwon can’t say anything, he can barely process what just happened. You thought he was in love and going to get married, but that wasn’t the case at all. He didn’t even love Jennie, it was an arranged marriage that both their parents had set up for a merger of companies. Siwon’s father owned the largest defense attorneys office, while Jennies father owned the second largest. The two men wanted each of their oldest kids to take over the companies and merge, which meant also making everyone family. Neither Siwon nor Jennie had a choice in the matter. Siwon had only taken the job where you worked because his father wasn’t ready to retire, for a year. A year until the wedding, and his fathers retirement. He didn’t want to marry Jennie which is why he never told you about her because to him he was still single. But Jennie was rather excited about the wedding and marriage. 

 “I thought I told you to not visit me at work" he snap. Jennie let’s go of him, taking a few steps back. 

 “I thought you’d be happy to see me" she says, her face a little sad.

 “I’m near the end of a huge case and now you decide to come disrupt me?” 

 “Its because of her, isn’t it.” She wonders. 

 “Who?” Siwon sighs.  

“Your secretary. You’re fucking her aren’t you?” she snaps. 

 “You’re insane. Just go please. I’ll speak with you later” he says, focusing on his work once again. 

 Once Jennie leaves, his head is in his hands as he sighs. He wanted to be the one to tell you. He didn’t want you to find out like this. He didn’t want Jennie. He wanted you. 

 ** 

 You cried the entire way home. Yes you’d only known him a few weeks but you had fallen rather fast. He seemed so different, like he wouldn’t hurt you. But you were wrong, yet again. Thinking he was different than Chanyeol was laughable. Yes he didn’t cheat on you, but he cheated on someone he was engaged too, with you. You never wanted to be a mistress. Curled up in your bed, you’re annoyed at your phone constantly going off and ringing from what you could only assume was Siwon. 

 [3:19pm] Siwon: Just let me explain, please. It’s not what you think. 

 [3:21pm] Siwon: Answer your phone and let me explain. 

 You scoffed as you read his messages. He sounded just like Chanyeol and Minsoo. You finally answered your phone on the 10th time he had called. “What?” you snap. “Finally" Siwon sighs. “Please meet me and just let me explain.” He begs. “You can say what you need to over the phone. I don’t want to see you" “Jennie and I are engaged, yes. But it’s not how you think. I don’t love her. It was set up by our parents so both their companies can merge together.” He explains. “I don’t want to be with her, but my father is sick and he wants to see the merger before he passes" he tells you. A part of you wanted to believe him. You did believe him. But what if it wasn’t true? What if he was just lying to you to have you not leave him? “Prove it.” You say. “I’ll send you everything to prove it. But can I please see you?” he asks. “I just need sometime. Maybe after I look at everything but for now no.” you whisper. “Okay. I’ll send everything to you now. I’m sorry Y/N. I wanted to be the one to tell you. I didn’t want you to find out like this" he tells you. “Just send the papers over, Siwon" you sigh before hanging up. You’re still curled up in a ball and hour later when your doorbell rings. You groan as you struggle and squirm to get yourself out of the nest and cocoon you had made with your blankets. Swinging the door open, you’re met with a frightened looking young man with a stack of papers in his arms. You pull the papers from him before muttering a thanks and slamming the door in his face. Sitting down at your kitchen table, you begin sorting through the documents Siwon sent over. An hour later, after you had looked at the papers at least three times, you knew he was actually telling the truth. You weren’t sure if you felt relieved or if you were mad that he didn’t tell you the truth to begin with. [4:59pm] Siwon: Do you believe me now? [5:00pm] You: Yes. [5:02pm] Siwon: When can I see you? [5:05pm] You: I’ll see you at the trial tomorrow. [5:08pm] Siwon: And after? [5:11pm] You: I’ll let you know. You turned off your phone, and cocooned back in your bed. You didn’t feel like eating dinner, even though he did sort everything out and turns out he was telling the truth, you still felt somewhat betrayed. You knew how Jennie would feel, since the same thing happened to you. However, Chanyeol claimed to love you, and you did love him, and Minsoo knew that. You knew that this was just a business arrangement to them and there were no feelings involved, so why would you feel guilty? You shouldn’t but you sort of do. You were conflicted. You wanted to see him more. He was fun and refreshing and he seemed to understand you. But did you want to be a mistress? At this point in your life, you finally just wanted to do what you wanted, without having to please anyone but yourself. Maybe that made you a bae person. Maybe you were shitty for sleeping with someone that was engaged, but you were okay with it. As it turns out, he wasn’t such a bad guy and he was just doing what made him happy. ** The next day at the trial, everything went as it should have. Siwon won the case as was on a high that came from it. You had agreed to go out with him again that that night. The two of you met at a pub to have a few drinks to celebrate his win, but also talk about things. After you had celebrated for a little bit, things got serious between you two. “You know I was planning on telling you" he says, taking another sip of his drink. “Were you though?” you ask, not sure if you truly believed he was. “I really was. I’m not the type to cheat, if I’m serious about someone. But Jennie.. I’m not interested in her. I’m interested in you.” He says, shrugging his shoulders. “Interested in what exactly? A relationship? A fuck buddy?” you wonder, sipping on your martini. You were curious as to what his answer was going to be. “Whatever you want, baby girl” he purrs. His voice sent shivers down you spine. “So if I said a fuck buddy, with occasional dates, you’d be fine with that? “Absolutely” Siwon states. “Like I said, whatever you want.” “Fine. Then that. But warn me if she’s going to come into the office again. I don’t want to deal with it" you say, finishing your drink. “Done deal.” Siwon smiles. “Have you fucked her?” you blurt out the question. It had been on your mind and you weren’t sure if you had wanted to ask, but apparently you did. “What?” he asks. “Have you fucked her since we were last together, since it’s been a few weeks?” you question. “No I haven’t fucked her. Not in the last few weeks, not even in the year we’ve been engaged.” He tells you. You can tell he is telling you the truth, which makes you feel relieved. “Okay" you say. “Just curious" you laugh. “So back to your place?” he asks, lifting his eyebrows. “Not a chance.” You giggle. “Please?” he asks, giving you a sad face. “You have 30 seconds to convince me. And go" you say, staring at your watch. “I’ll eat your pussy and fuck you so good, you won’t be able to walk tomorrow. And I’ll make you breakfast in bed" he says, his face believing he’s convinced you. “Mhm, you’re good at getting your way. You better bring your pussy eating A game" you say, standing up and swaying your hips as you walk away from him. Siwon takes a moment to watch and appreciate you shaking your ass before getting up to follow you from the pub. The two of you were all over each other in the cab on the way back to your place. Your hand rubbed Siwon’s clothed cock, as he slipped his fingers in between your legs and into your pussy. Your face rested in the crook of his neck as he slowly and discreetly pumped his fingers in and out of you. Every time you wanted to moan, which was often, you bit his neck. Partly because you didn’t want the bad driver to know, even though he likely did but also you secretly hoped that Jennie would see it. “Don’t stop" you moan into his neck as he continues to pleasure you. You feel as though your entire body might combust right there. It’s been a few weeks since you had been with anyone, the urge to cum more apparent than ever. “Here we go" the cab driver coughed, uncomfortably. Siwon takes his fingers from inside you, handing the cab driver a $100 for a $15 dollar ride before scooting you out of the car, quickly. He effortlessly picks you up, carrying you up the stairs as you giggle. Your skirt flowing in the wind, showing off your ass cheeks to anyone who happened to look their, but neither of you cared. In this moment you two were blissfully happy, and extremely horny. The two of you dont even make it into the bedroom, inside he lays you on the floor of the hallway in your apartment, quickly sliding into you. He fucks you hard and fast, both of you needing to cum quickly. You and Siwon lay there, your chests heaving as you try to catch your breath from the hard and fast fuck the two of you just had. “That was..” Siwon begins. “Amazing" you finish his sentence. The two of you laugh while Siwon stands up, extending a hand for you to help you up. You cling to him for dear life as your legs are extremely wobbly. “Shower?” he asks. You nod your head. Siwon scoops you up, whisking you away to the bathroom for a nice hot shower. Once your shower is finished, the two of you lay in bed and talk. For some reason you bring up what happened with your father. Siwon doesn’t much except you should hear his side of the story, since you only knew your mothers. You shoved that thought to the back of your head. ** He stayed with you the entire weekend. When you asked about Jennie, he told you that she thought he was on a business trip. That’s all you needed to know. Your weekend was filled with cuddles, laughter and fucking. You dreaded Monday, only because you had to get out of the little bubble that the two of you had enjoyed so much. On Monday Siwon constantly texted you, in detail all the dirty things he wanted to do to you, which you appreciated but it would be rather frowned upon to fuck him in the office.. while everyone was there. On Tuesday he asked you to stay late to help him with a case. Looking at the clock, you see it’s 8pm and the last person in the office is finally leaving. Both of you said good bye to Mr. Son as you continued your work. At 815pm Siwon had pushed himself away from his desk, groaning as he rubbed his face. You took the opportunity to stand in front of him and extend yourself over his desk, parting your legs, allowing your skirt to ride up, exposing your very small, leaving little to the imagination panties. “For me?” you hear Siwon ask, as his chair rolls towards you. “Mhmm. You’ve been working so hard. You deserve a treat” you moan, shaking your ass slightly. “You’re so good to me" he says, his hands planted on your ass. Siwon moves your panties to the side before he kneels beneath you, laying his head on his desk. Extending his tounge, he licks a strip up your already wet pussy. You let out a small gasp at the feeling. “Mr. Choi, you’re so g-good to me" you breathe as his tounge continues to flick your clit. “Mhm" he moans as his lips latch onto you, sucking your clit harshly. Your hands grip onto the desk, holding whatever you can tightly as he devours your pussy. His movements slow down, so you grind yourself on his face, bringing the much needed orgasm closer. “Fuck fuck fuck" you cry out, your body tightening as you cum all over his face, your orgasm washing through you. Siwon briskly stands up, undoing his belt to pull down his pants. His cock springs free, making your mouth water. “Sit on the desk" he demands. You shuffle yourself into the sitting position as he walks towards you. He bends his knees slightly, pushing himself into you. You throw your head back at the feeling of him stretching you out. “Wrap your legs around me" he says. The moment you’re secure around him, he picks you up, walking you over to the large window in his office. He slams you against it while he fucks you, hard. “Fuck baby girl, your pussy feels so good" he growls, thrusting into you. You bring your hand up, getting your fingers tangled in his hair as he thrusts become harsher. Mid fuck, the two of you hear his office door opening. Opening your eyes, you see Chanyeol standing there, his body vibrating with rage. “What the fuck are you doing!?” he screams. Siwon sighs as he knows exactly who it is without even turning around. “What the fuck Chanyeol. Go away” you groan, Siwon still inside you. “Get off my girlfriend you piece of shit" Chanyeol yells at Siwon. “Ex- girlfriend, and she seems to like my cock very much, so I’ll continue. Feels free to stay and watch if you want" Siwon groans, pumping himself into you again and again. “I’ll be seeing you soon, Y/N" Chanyeol growls before slamming the door shut. You don’t let his interruption bother you. This was your time. You were having fun, doing things you wanted to do. And what you wanted, was for Siwon to finish fucking you. “Do you want to stop?” Siwon asks, pausing his thrusts. “Don’t you dare.” You growl, gripping him tighter. Siwon’s hands leave your body, and he presses them against the glass and he fucks you until you both cum. It’s 10pm before the two of you finish your work and head home for the night. Siwon unfortunately had to go back to his apartment while you went your separate way to your own. The next week dragged by. Chanyeol was still constantly showing up places, calling you names, trying to get you to talk to him or anything really. No matter how many times you told him you wanted nothing to do with him, it never really sunk in. ** You and Siwon had been fucking for almost 6 months now, and things were mostly great, but also not. You found yourselves arguing often, about anything and everything. Even though you weren’t together, you both still acted like you were. You weren’t sleeping with anyone else and neither was he, despite being engaged. After your fights, you always found yourselves angry fucking, no matter where you were. It’s what you did when you knew you needed to talk things through but didn’t want too, you fucked. You both knew it wasn’t healthy but neither of you were willing to stop. After 7 months you had a big fight in the car in a parkade about something minuscule which led to the two of you fucking on the hood of the car. After 8 months the two of you fought about the fact the Chanyeol had yet to let you go and Siwon was annoyed as fuck about it. It’s not like you weren’t either but you could only do so much to stop him. You two were walking home through a park from a date. You rode his cock in the field at night. After 11 months, the two of you fought about the wedding he was supposed to partake in, in less than 1 month. Neither of you were sure on what to do. There was a serious conversation that needed to be had between you two, but not before he pinned you against the wall in the bedroom of hi apartment. “Why do you always have to bring this shit up" he growls, roughly cupping your breast underneath your shirt. “Because its fucking important” you snap, unbuckling his belt and pulling his pants down just enough to allow his cock to spring free. “You infuriate me" he snaps, hiking up your skirt and moving your panties to the side. In one swift motion, Siwon enters you harshly. You wrap your legs around his waist so he can pin you fully against the wall. Neither of you speak, the only sounds that can be heard are moans and skin slapping. He roughly thrusts into you, before pausing and telling you to be quiet. Just then the two of you hear footsteps walking from the kitchen, to the living room, to the hallway towards the bedroom. Siwon takes you from against the wall, running both of you into the closet quickly before shutting the doors and pressing himself against you. “Yeah, I want beige” the two of you hear Jennie speak as she sits on the bed. Siwon doesn’t stop fucking you. He slowly and quietly pulls himself from you before harshly but silently slamming himself into you. You try your hardest to stifle a moan. You can see Jennie on the bed of their shared apartment, trying on different shoes as she talks about the wedding. You can see in the way she speaks about it that she’s excited and happy. “Yes, lillies and Rose’s. I think those will look beautiful” she gushes as Siwon continues to fuck you. His face is buried into your neck, as your hands wrap around his head, gripping onto his hair. His hips snap into you, his cock always hitting the right spot regardless if he fucks you roughly or softly. You grind yourself onto him, trying to block out the noise coming from the bedroom. You try to focus on your impending orgasm that is coming quickly. “Don’t stop. Fuck please" you cry out in a whisper. You keep circling your hips as you ride through your high as quietly as you can when all you want to do is scream out in pleasure. Siwon doesn’t take too much longer after you, spilling himself into you, biting your shoulder to make sure he’s quiet. The two of you stand there, quietly panting while Jennie wraps up her conversation and stands up to leave. “Mrs. Siwon Choi" she says with a smile before walking out of the room and out of the apartment. Siwon pulls out of you, looking at you with a sad face, while you’re feeling ever so guilty. “Has she always been excited about the wedding?” you ask, adjusting your clothes. “Not until recently" he admits, tucking his cock back into his pants. “Are you excited about the wedding?” you ask. “I don’t know.” He says. “I think we need to talk.” You sigh. “I think so too.” He agrees. Siwon left town a few hours after you parted ways. He told you that the two of you would talk when he was back in town, in a few weeks. YYou were pretty sure you knew what you were going to do, you had just never said it aloud. A part of you wanted to tell him to not get married, that you two would be able to make it work. But you knew that was a lie. The two of you fucked, you were great at fucking eachother but being in an actual relationship wouldn’t work. You knew you two were toxic together. In the time that Siwon was gone, you had applied for a job just outside of Seoul. It happened to be your dream job and you applied on a whim. You knew there were likely more qualified people who applied and that you’d never get it. But you heard about it a few hours before you left to meet Siwon, the night he had arrived back in town. 1 week before his wedding. “Hey" he says with a smile, leaning down and kissing your cheek. “Hi" you say, looking up at him with a forced smile. Tears brimming in your eyes, knowing that this would likely be the last time you saw Siwon. “How was your trip?” you ask. “It was boring. We really need to have a discussion now though. We can’t put it off any longer” he sighs. “You’re right. We can’t. You’re getting married in a week.” You whisper. “Am I? I can call it off. Just say the word baby girl and it’s done" he says, his eyes hopeful. “And do what? We run away together and continue to fight and fuck the rest of our lives? That doesn’t sound like a life either of us want to live" you sigh. “We can make it work. We could be great" he tells you. “You will have a great life. With Jennie. Maybe you don’t love her now, but if you try to get to know her, you might. We aren’t right for eachother.” You whisper. “But..” Siwon begins before you cut him off. “I won’t tell her, or anyone about what we had. A part of me will always care for you. You helped me through what I thought was the worst time in my life. You also made me see that there are two sides to every story, and maybe I should hear my fathers side of his story. I’ll always remember the time we had together, but we can’t be together.” You say, a tear slipping down your cheek. “What are you going to do?” he quietly asks. “While you were gone, I actually applied for my dream job Sokcho-Si and I found out I got the job tonight. I’m leaving in the morning" you smile. “We’re really ending this?” he asks, devastated. “We are. Maybe one day I’ll see you in the future. Try things out with Jennie, I think you’ll be good for eachother” you say standing up. You take his face in your hands gently, placing one last kiss on his lips before leaving him behind. ** You had been living in Sokcho-Si for a month now, and had heard nothing from Siwon in that time, except for the day of his wedding, asking you if you were sure about this. You were. Sitting in a Café, you were flipping through a magazine, not paying too much attention to it, when you heard someone stumble from side you and sigh. Looking up you see an extremely handsome man, muttering swearwords while trying to wipe coffee from his tie. You chuckled as you stood up, running to the counter to ask for a ice cube and a cold cloth. You went back to the man, standing infront of him. “Can I help?” you ask with a smile. “I learnt this trick years ago" you say, placing the ice cube on the back of the tie and the cloth on the front, allowing the coffee to soak into the rag. “Amazing. Thank you so much. Your husband is a lucky guy" he chuckles. “No husband" you say, finishing up helping him. “Boyfriend?” He asks, cocking his head to the side. You shake your head. “No girlfriend either. Single" you explain. “I’m Zhang Yixing" he smiles an amazing smile at you, extending his hand. “Y/L Y/N" You say, shaking it. “Would you like to have dinner with me, Y/N?” He asks, his hand still holding yours. “I would love too" you smile. ** 3 years later, you and Yixing are a few days away from your wedding day. He stood by your side through everything in the last 3 years. Finally filing a restraining order on Chanyeol for stalking. Meeting up with your father and allowing him to explain himself. As it turns out, your mother had cheated on him and kicked him out, when her new boyfriend was supposed to move in. However, the boyfriend broke up with her and she just decided to blame it all on your father and say that he left her high and dry. Because of your mother and her lies, you lost out on almost 10 years with your father. But now thanks to Yixing, your relationship with your father is being mended, after having him back in your life for 2 years. He was going to be the one to walk you down the isle. You had been nervous to tell Yixing about your relationship, or whatever it was with Siwon. You worried he would think you were a bad person, and decide to not be with you. Luckily for you, he understood you had just been going through something and it was what you felt you needed to do at the time. ** The day of your wedding, you’re standing at the altar with Yixing, your now husband beside you. Your friends and family, along with his surrounding the two of you. One person in particular stood out to you, Siwon. Yixing had told you to invite him if you wanted too and you did. You hadn’t thought he would have shown up but there he was. With his wife Jennie, and their newborn baby. They looked happy. Just as you finally were. Sometimes our bad habits lead us to the place that we were meant to be.