#I hate committing to anything like I need to be able to edit or I explode …

[swordmaid]

restarted my bg3 game bc I didn’t like what my guardian looked like so I changed her LOL… good thing I’m not too far in and I’m catching up to where I left off. changed shriia’s name to shri’iia too since that’s the more accurate spelling per the name guide I was following. anyway here’s some picrew of her 🤭 I def want to draw her soon

[lvis44]

Freak Like That // LH44

Lewis Hamilton x Y/N

Warnings: SMUT 18+ (Minors DNI), Angst, Kind of Cheating? (depends on how you look at it), Unprotected Sex (wrap it before you tap it), Alcohol, Not Edited/Proofread

Word Count: 8.9k+

Summary: Seeing him again shouldn't be as hard as it is, but the universe has funny ways of making sure you end up back in his arms.

Notes: I'm aware I said this was coming like 3 weeks ago but your girl has her first corporate job that has been much more demanding week by week so I've been busy!! I toyed with turning this into more of a fic so if you're interested in a pt.2 of them LMK. Sweet Escape Epilogue is still on its way but has turned into a bit of a stand alone fic within a chapter, don't hate me, or maybe you'll love me for it. I didn't proofread this and wrote part of it while I was a tad bit drunk, oopsie! Love you all!

I am not a professional writer and all of this is a work of fiction and is strictly for fun. Enjoy! xxx

It had taken everything in you to move on from Lewis. You had done everything in your power to forget him, how he felt, how good he was to you, but the thought of him always lingered. You would have been a fool to ever think that anything could ever truly happen between the two of you, you were mature enough to know it was always just sex, it would always be just sex. That didn’t mean you never fantasized about how it would feel to be loved by him. It was never a relationship between the two of you, there was never any commitment from him. He had been more of a fuck buddy, a sugar daddy in many senses. He was older than you, detached, and loved to shower you with gifts. You only ever had his attention in private, and when you did he made you see stars. Lewis had always managed to unlock something within you that you didn’t know existed, bringing alive senses you’d never felt. He taught you things about your body and needs that you had been so naive to. No one had ever been able to compare to him. Parting from him had been one of the most difficult tasks you had ever been faced with, but you knew the agreement between the two of you wasn’t sustainable, you were only ever destined for heartbreak if you continued with him. You had done so well for the last year, ignoring his texts, doing your best to avoid his heavy presence online. Him being in the same room as you however, was something that you were not prepared for. He looked ethereal, his beige suit jacket showing off just a peak of his chest, enough to force the images back into your head, his tattoos glistening above you as he wears you out. He has one braid hanging perfectly in front of his face, all you can think of is how his braids felt tickling your neck when he would pant dirty words into your sticky skin.

“Y/N? You okay darling?” The voice that came from beside you startled you. When you looked to your side, your boyfriend was looking at you with concern written all over his face.

“Yeah, yeah I’m fine, sorry about that, just zoned out for a second.” You try to fake laugh it off, not wanting him to pry.

He continues to look suspicious but doesn’t press any further, instead seamlessly transitioning into a conversation with one of the businessmen standing with him. You find your attention returning back to where Lewis had stood, his attention now fully on you. His smirk is knowing as he drags his eyes shamelessly up and down your body. You have to use every ounce of power in yourself to pull your eyes away from him as one of your boyfriends business partners directs a question to you. You put your fake smile on, engaging in boring conversation as you do your best to ignore the strong presence that is Lewis. You had been worried that one day you would run into him, your boyfriend working in the fashion industry made it almost inevitable.

You managed to stay relatively strong throughout the night, the champagne helping immensely. Lewis had disappeared into the crowd and you had done your absolute best not to look for him. You spent your evening tailing behind your boyfriend, being introduced to random men that you assumed worked in the same circles as him. Your boyfriend kept his hand on your lower back throughout most of the night, the only acknowledgement that you were even really there. He was a fine man, he had taken his time winning you over, taken you on romantic dates, but the spark still wasn’t there, and the arguments were becoming more and more frequent. You knew he cared about you, treated you well, but he was simply the safest option, and he was getting sick of your lack of interest in his work. You were growing increasingly tired of being his arm candy, using you to show off to his business partners. The intimacy lacked passion, nothing matched the raw passion you had with Lewis once upon a time. It wasn’t fair to compare him to Lewis, he was actually there to be your partner, not just a fun time, but it was almost impossible. 

“There’s only a few more people I need to talk to and then I promise we can go.” Your boyfriend whispered into your ear. You couldn’t wait to get out of your heels and be in a quiet room, away from the people faking sincerity in hopes of investments and business opportunities.

You grab another glass of champagne as your boyfriend orders an Old Fashion before once again pulling you along through the crowd of people, evidently in search of someone.

“Ah, there he is.” You hear him exclaim, not yet able to see who he’s approaching.

When you come out from behind him you want to scream, he has approached Lewis, completely unaware of the situation he has just put you in.

“It’s so fantastic to meet you, I’m Brian, we work with a lot of the same people around here. It’s an honor, I’m a big fan.” Your boyfriend extends his hand to Lewis eagerly.

You can’t help but be confused, your boyfriend has never once mentioned racing, you can only assume he’s a fan of his work in fashion, or he’s lying.

“Nice to meet you too,” Lewis responds politely with a small chuckle, returning the handshake before turning his attention to you, “and always wonderful to see you Y/N.”

You want to melt into the earth below you. You can see the devious look in his eyes, blatantly announcing your familiarity, you thank god your boyfriend doesn’t know the depth of familiarity you have with the man in front of you, not yet at least.

“You two know each other?” Your boyfriend asks, confusion covering his face. 

“Oh yeah, we know each other well. Y/N hasn’t told you?” Lewis continues, a wide smile across his beautiful lips. To anyone else it would look kind and genuine, but you know he’s playing at something else, daring you, challenging your boyfriend in the simplest of ways.

“No she’s never-“ Your boyfriend starts before you cut him off.

“I wouldn’t say we know each other well, we’ve just met at things like this before.” You rush out, it’s not entirely a lie, that is exactly how you first met him. Your boyfriend doesn’t need to know the rest.

Lewis sends you a smirk, cocky and mischievous.

“All I can say man is you landed a very talented woman.” Lewis says to your boyfriend, the words falling off his lips in such a tone that your stomach flips.

“She is pretty incredible.” Your boyfriend smiles at you, wrapping his arm around your waist, completely oblivious to the meaning behind Lewis’ words. You can see out of the corner of your eye how Lewis glances down at the action, his jaw tightening momentarily.

Your boyfriend is on a mission, immediately transitioning into talking business with Lewis. You do your best not to undress him with your eyes, opting to look down at his feet throughout most of the conversation. You can feel Lewis glance at you every once in a while, trying so hard to ignore the way his gaze makes you feel. As you hear someone calling your boyfriends name you think you are finally free from the situation.

“So sorry, it sounds like I’m needed elsewhere, it was truly great meeting you, it was an honor.” Your boyfriend says to Lewis, shaking his hand once again before turning to you. You're ready to follow after him, happy to be dragged into yet another boring conversation, “Why don’t you stay here and catch up for a moment, I’ll find you later.”

He doesn’t give you even a moment to object as he presses a kiss to your temple and quickly makes his exit. You both watch as your boyfriend walks away, you in fear of the situation he’s left you in, Lewis in excitement of the exact same thing.

“Soooo,” Lewis draws out, finally looking directly at you, “how have you been?”

“Seriously?” You bite at him, unamused by his behavior.

He just shrugs, taking a sip of his drink, the glass barely hiding his amused smirk.

“What the hell was that? There’s no reason he needs to know anything.” You say, your tone low and harsh.

He just laughs, “There’s no way youre fucking that dude. I doubt that square can make you cum. Not the way I did.”

“Lewis,” You hiss at him, looking around hoping no one heard him, “he’s good to me, leave him alone.”

“So I’m right, he can’t make you cum can he.” His words come out as a statement not a question, so confident in himself, in his knowledge of your needs.

“Untrue, he’s perfectly fine, and he offers so much more than you ever did.” You throw back at him, not happy at his assessment of your relationship, he has no right to assume anything. Even if he’s partially correct.

“He might not break your heart baby, but I doubt he can break your back the way I did.” He’s gotten closer to you, his voice lower, seductive.

You can feel your breath hitch, the familiar smell of him engulfing your senses, his words going to your core unwillingly. He notices it too, the tip of his tongue coming out to wet his bottom lip. All you can think about is how that same tongue has felt in your mouth, all over your body, inside of you, so many times. He chuckles as he watches you get lost in thought, knowing exactly where your mind has wandered.

“He’s gonna be busy for a while, we could relive some old times.” Lewis says quietly, his head gesturing back toward the hall where the bathrooms are.

“Lewis, no.” You say against your will, desperately wanting to follow him mindlessly down the hall and let him have his way with you, but you can’t let yourself do it to your boyfriend.

“Offer stands, always, ya know when you finally get sick of him.” Lewis says casually.

Within moments your boyfriend has appeared at your side once again. You worry that he’s heard something but he seems unbothered, unaware of what you were just offered.

“Vance and I are going to go grab drinks down the street, talk about the contract somewhere a little quieter.” He says to you, ignoring Lewis entirely.

You sigh, realizing just how much longer your night had just gotten, “I really just want to head back to the hotel.”

“Really? You know these meetings always go better when you’re around. You take the focus off of me.” He half complains half laughs.

“We’ve been here forever babe, I really just want to get out of my dress.” You say softly, trying to get out of the boring boys club meeting.

“You’ll be fine, besides how would you even get back to the hotel? I need to have the car take Vance and I and you’re never going to find a cab with all of this going on.” He gestures back towards that large party, his voice starting to sound annoyed.

“I’ll figure something out, I really just want to go back to the hotel, the day has been long enough as is.” You sigh, hoping he lets it go.

“C'mon babe, we’re supposed to be a team.” He continues to try to convince you. 

Never have you been part of his business ventures, only the arm candy that he  brings to meetings when he is trying to show off to someone.

“And we are, I’m just not up to staying out so late tonight.” You say, growing agitated, embarrassed that this conversation is happening in front of Lewis.

“We won’t be out late.” Your boyfriend continues to argue, “And how are you even going to get to the hotel?”

“I’ve got a car coming in just a little bit, I’ll get her back.” Lewis pipes up before you can respond, not looking at you but directing his attention to your boyfriend.

Your boyfriend lets out a frustrated huff before conceding.

“That would be great, I appreciate it man.” Your boyfriend agrees without asking you, shaking Lewis’ hand.

“Anytime, don’t worry, she’ll be well taken care of.” The smile on Lewis’ face is so sweet you could almost believe he is just being polite.

Your boyfriend doesn’t even say another word to you, walking away toward his business partners after patting you on the shoulder.

“He evidently trusts you.” Lewis says, raising his eyebrow at you.

“He has absolutely no reason not to.” You fire back at him, feeling defensive.

“Come on, let’s go get a drink.” Lewis ignores you, wiggling his now empty drink in the air. 

“I thought your car was going to be here in a second.” You say, raising an accusatory brow at him as you cross your arms over your chest.

“I said it would be here in a little bit,” Lewis starts, taking note of your eye roll at his words, “It will be fine, I’ll have you back before Prince Charming gets his drunk ass back to your room.”

“He’s not drunk.” You defend him unnecessarily, making Lewis laugh.

“If he’s getting drinks with Vance, he definitely will be by the time he’s back. Come have a drink with me, I’ve missed you.” Lewis shakes his head, evidently familiar with the man your boyfriend is getting drinks with.

“You’ve missed me?” The words come out of your mouth without meaning to, you’re genuinely surprised he’s even thought of you since you parted ways.

“Yes, of course I have,” He laughs, directing you toward the bar, “I always enjoyed myself with you. I still don’t get why you left.” His voice sounds vulnerable as he lets the last bit slip.

“You know exactly why I left.” You say, mindlessly following him to the bar against your better judgment.

“No I really don’t, you never really gave me an explanation. You just disappeared.” Lewis argues with you, keeping his voice low as he directs you onto a bar stool.

“Lewis, we both know nothing about what we were doing was sustainable. There’s no way you could have ever given me what I need.” You sigh, not wanting to have this conversation, especially not in public.

“And what is it that you need? Some guy that can’t satisfy you? You’re really trying to tell me that you’re happier with him than you were with me?” Lewis continues to push you, waving down the bartender.

“Lewis, I was never with you, and besides that, you have no idea what our relationship is like.” You defend yourself, not directly answering him.

“I think I saw enough to know that you’re not having fun.” Lewis shoots back at you, waiting for the bartender to make his way over to the two of you.

“It’s not about fun, it’s about stability.” You say, trying to stand your ground.

“You deserve both.” Lewis mumbles as the bartender appears in front of you.

Lewis orders for you, not needing to ask what you want, confident in his prior experience with you.

Your mind wanders back to the rare times that you would go out in public with him, hidden in the back corner of dive bars. The two of you getting tipsy off of shitty drinks before falling into bed together. It was rare times like those that made you fantasize about actually being in a relationship with him, dream about what your life would be like with him giggling through kisses as a permanent fixture.

“What have you been up to?” Lewis pulls you out of your thoughts, thankfully changing the subject.

“Just the usual, not much has changed.” You shrug, taking a sip of the drink in front of you.

“Descriptive,” Lewis teases you, “nothing new? How’d you meet your square?”

You can’t help but roll your eyes, “You really want to talk about my boyfriend?”

“I need to know what I’m up against.” Lewis shrugs as if it's the most normal thing in the world.

“You’re not up against anything because it’s not a competition.” You deadpan, annoyed with his confidence.

“Everything’s a competition babe, that’s life.” Lewis laughs, taking a sip of his drink,

You can’t help the way your stomach flips at the familiar pet name, it’s been so long since you’ve heard it fall off his lips, it came so naturally to him.

Somehow you find yourself engaged in a normal conversation with Lewis eventually, discussing his race season and other projects he’s been working on. You’ve always loved to hear him talk about the things he’s passionate about, easily getting lost in his words. You stay with him, enjoying the shockingly easy conversation, indulging in more drinks than you should. It’s not until you see him check his watch do you think about how much time has probably passed.

“So is your car here yet, or are you planning on holding me hostage?” You ask him, filling the momentary silence.

“Not used to many hostage situations that include free drinks,” Lewis laughs, “but we should probably head out front, car will be here soon.”

“Thank you for the drinks by the way.” You say quietly, sliding off your stool to follow him out of the venue.

He just smiles, no words leaving his mouth as he places his hand on your lower back, guiding you out with him. It doesn’t take long before his car is at the curb, his hand not having left your back as he urges you into the car. Despite the multiple seats available, he settles into the seat directly next to you, his thigh touching yours sending electricity through your whole body. You curse yourself for how simple it is for him to draw a reaction from you. 

“So where’s the square got you staying?” Lewis asks, a teasing lilt to his voice.

“Shut up.” You mumble before giving him directions that he relays to his driver.

There’s a large part of you that’s surprised he seems to actually be taking you back to your hotel, expecting him to try so much more before actually granting you your freedom. You can’t help but be slightly annoyed with your boyfriend for putting you in this position, even if he doesn’t know your history with Lewis, the rumors surrounding him should be enough to keep your girlfriend from being alone with him. Even if your boyfriend trusts you, why does he trust Lewis so much?

The drive is mostly silent. Lewis has his arm up over the back of your seat and as much as you want to fight him on it, push him away, you can’t bring yourself to do so, you enjoy the feeling of being so close to him. His body heat is intoxicating in the worst way, you can’t help but relish in the familiar feeling, so used to being cocooned in his arms. You can tell that you’re getting close to your hotel by the familiar streets, Lewis still scrolling on his phone as if he could care less that you’re sat next to him for the first time in nearly a year. Maybe he’s given up, you think. Maybe he’s finally respecting your boundaries. All of that is thrown to the wind when the car begins to slow down. He scooches even closer to you, his head dropping to your neck.

“My offer always stands, I meant it when I said I miss you.” He whispers in your ear before placing a kiss to your throat.

A small whimper leaves you involuntarily, secretly missing the way that his lips feel on your skin. You can feel a slight smirk on your skin as he pulls away, not far. His face comes up, directly in front of yours, his nose just grazing your own. Everything inside of you is screaming at you to get out of the car and not turn back, but your body is drawn toward him, he can feel it too. One large hand finds your thigh, running up the outside of it, just under the hem of your dress. You relish in the feeling of his calloused fingers on your skin for the first time in far too long. His eyes are heavy as he stares at you, hooded and darkened with lust. He leans forward just the slightest bit, ghosting his lips over yours. When you don’t pull back or fight him, he takes it as a good sign. His grip on your thigh tightens as he leans forward and properly connects your lips. The second his mouth is on yours he lets out a deep groan, one that seems to have been locked inside him for a long time. It doesn’t take long for the kiss to deepen, his tongue finding yours mindlessly. His tongue swirls against yours as his other hand comes to find the back of your head, pressing you harder against him. Your hands have a mind of their own, coming up to find the sides of his strong neck, not even thinking, you’ve been in another world since the second his lips found yours. When he finally departs you find yourself chasing his lips, making him peck yours once again.

“Come back to mine, babygirl.” He whispers, out of breath.

You let out a small whimper, your brain clouded by all of the ways you could explore him tonight, let him explore you.

“Yeah?” He coaxes, his head dropping back to your neck, “We can have so much fun babe. Everything you’ve been missing this last year, I promise.”

“Lewis, I can’t,” You just about groan, frustrated but sticking to your guns, “we’ve already crossed too many lines. I can’t do that to him.”

You try to push Lewis away but it’s worthless, his light assault on your neck is welcomed despite your words.

“Yeah, maybe we crossed a line. Why not cross some more? Hmm?” His words are spoken through kisses trailing up your neck and across your jaw, slowly making his way back towards your lips.

“Lew,” You breathe out, pushing at his chest once again, finally he disconnects from you, just barely, “I shouldn’t. I can’t, it’s not fair.”

“No, it’s really not fair is it.” Lewis shakes his head, his eyes darting from your eyes to your lips, a whole different meaning to his words.

“I need to go.” You whisper, moving to get out of the car.

“Hey,” Lewis stops you, a hand on your wrist, “you still have my number, let me know if you change your mind. I’m only a few blocks down.”

You offer him a small smile, not sure how to respond and not able to be in his presence any longer. You slip out of his grasp, closing the door on him as you do. You can feel the heat from where his fingers gripped you, a burning sensation on your skin. You try to shake the sensation from your body as you make your way up to your room. You can hear his car drive away in the background, having to stop yourself from turning around and going back to him. When you arrive back to your room, its empty, your boyfriend nowhere to be found, evidently still out at drinks. You sigh, flopping down onto the mattress. You want to scream. It’s so unbelievably unfair that someone can still have such a hold over you, despite having not seen him in a year. Lewis is addictive, and reintroducing an addictive substance to someone who has just barely become clean is always dangerous.

It’s a few hours before your boyfriend finally returns to the hotel. You’ve long since changed into comfier clothes and are lounging on the bed watching a random show, grateful to finally be out of your heels. When he finally arrives you can tell he’s beyond wasted, just like Lewis had predicted.

“Hey hun.” He slurs, swaying in the hallway as he tries and fails to steady himself.

“Hi,” You giggle, “have a good time with Vance?”

“Yeah,” He laughs back, “woulda had a better time if you had came along though.”

“You look like you had plenty of fun,” You raise a brow at him, “go change and come to bed.”

“I just don’t get why you didn’t want to come, honestly I would have closed that deal so much quicker” He says as he goes into the bathroom 

“I told you I wanted to get back to the hotel, I was tired.” You sigh

“Not too tired to hang out with Lewis Hamilton.” You can hear the anger in his voice and it makes you want to laugh.

“Really? You’re the one who told me to stay and hang out with him, not only that but you trusted him to take me home. How is that my fault?” You’re already annoyed as the words leave your mouth, already frustrated beyond belief in so many ways.

“Jesus Y/N, if I knew getting drinks would put you in such a mood maybe I would have come home sooner.” Your boyfriend says from the bathroom.

You have no idea where his sudden attitude has come from, you refusing going to drinks should not have put him in such a mood.

“I’m not in a mood, I just don’t appreciate you implying that I turned you down just to hang out with Lewis.” You argue as he exits the bathroom, his shirt now off, just in his suit pants.

“I know you didn’t leave that gala for quite some fucking time.” He spits at you drunkenly.

“What are you even talking about?” You ask him, confused how he even knows, not that it should even be an issue.

“You were too tired to come get drinks with me to help me with an important investor but you can stay and have drinks with Lewis Hamilton for another hour?” He accuses you, not taking into account that it’s partially his fault.

“We were waiting for his car so we got a drink,” You defend, “and how do you even know how long we were there?”

“People know you're my girl Y/N. Apparently people find it a bit strange when they see my girlfriend drinking at the bar with one of the most notorious playboys in the game.” His voice is slowly getting louder, putting you even more on edge.

“Oh so you have people keeping tabs on me now?” You question him.

“I don’t need to ask, they just do it. It’s embarrassing Y/N. I don’t need people thinking that my girlfriend is out fucking athletes.” He throws at you, rolling your eyes.

“All that should matter is that you know!” You yell at him.

“Do I?” His voice is laced with venom, a sudden distrust that you’ve never seen from him before.

“Well you certainly fucking should.” You say, crossing your arms over your chest.

“How do you know him?” He ignores your argument, taking a step closer to you.

“I told you.” 

“Yeah you told me how you met him, sure. How do you actually know him, because you seemed to be pretty fucking close.” He fires at you.

Your anger has reached a peak, not wanting to deal with your boyfriends drunken anger, you let the walls down.

“You really want to know how familiar I am with him? Hmm?” You challenge him.

“I’m right, aren’t I?” He scoffs.

“Yeah, he fucked me for a year straight. Best I ever had.” You shrug, your voice venomous. You have let all of your cares slip away.

“Excuse me?” Your boyfriend is seething, your last comment sticking with him.

“You heard me.” You say, your voice eerily calm. 

“You say that and then expect me to believe you didn’t fuck him tonight? How stupid do you think I am?” He sounds almost amused as he asks the question.

“I could have, oh god I could have, I was this close,” You hold up your fingers to emphasize your point, “but I didn’t. Ya know why? Because I’m in a relationship, I fucking you! I couldn’t do that to you. Yet here you are accusing me of going behind your back. You left me alone with him, you let him take me back to the hotel. Why? So you could prove a point about what you think of me?”

“If you were so close to fucking him, why don’t you go do exactly that?” Your boyfriend just about screams at you.

You’ve never had a fight of this magnitude, especially over something like this. Hearing his distrust and anger makes you rethink everything about him. Your mother always told you that drunk words are sober thoughts and you can’t help but feel that in this moment. In that moment you give up, why even try to convince him to trust you, if he thinks you’re going to cheat on him now why would he ever think differently.

“Fine.” You shrug, your voice calm.

“Seriously?” He’s taken aback, clearly not thinking you would act on it.

“You obviously don’t trust me so why not.” You say, not looking at him as you gather your things. You have no real plan about where you’re going to go, sure you are leaving things behind but not caring, just needing to get out of the room and away from his vile behavior.

“Are you fucking kidding me? You’re literally proving my point right now, you’ll fuck anyone who gives you attention. I thought I had managed to tame that shit in you.” He spits, watching you pack your things.

“Tame me?” You whip around at his words, “First of all, I’m not a fucking zoo animal. Second of all, if you’ve never trusted me why the fuck are you even here?”

“Jesus, I thought you could be better, you had so much fucking potential.” He sounds remorseful and it makes you want to scream. How dare he think you needed fixing.

“Fuck you, I’m done.” You say, your things finally zipped in your bag as you put on your shoes. 

He’s still yelling things at you as you make your way out of the room, not caring to stick around to hear what other awful things he has to say to you. You don’t properly breathe until you’re in the elevator, finally sure he’s not following you. That’s when you realize you don’t have anywhere to go, a lump forming in your throat as you think of everything that was said. Mindlessly you take out your phone, hesitating for a moment as you look at Lewis’ number, blocked for so long. You unblock him as you step out of the elevator and into the lobby, walking out to the street as you call his number, praying he’s not asleep. Going to him is probably the last thing you should be realistically doing, but he’s the only person you want to see right now.

“Hey stranger, I knew you’d end up calling.” His voice is cocky through the phone, you can hear his smirk.

“Lew.” You croak out, your tears finally coming to the front.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” He asks, his tone changing drastically, immediately aware that something isn’t right. 

“You said you were staying nearby, can I come over?” You almost want to laugh at how desperate you sound.

“Of course, I’ll send you a car. Are you still at the hotel?” His voice is laced with concern and care and it makes your tears fall harder. It’s ridiculous that someone who had never been emotionally available could care for you more than your boyfriend.

“I’ll walk, just tell me where you are.” You shake your head as if he can see you.

“Y/N, it’s too late for you to be out walking alone, I’d be worried the whole time. Let me send you a car.” He argues.

“I need the fresh air honestly, just tell me where to go. Please.” Your voice breaks at the end of your plea, convincing him not to argue with you more, he can tell he won’t win.

Against his better judgment he finally tells you where he is, offering to stay on the phone with you while you walk. You’re tempted to take him up on it but you need the time to yourself. You’re still not sure why you feel such a desperate need to see him but it’s all you can think of at the moment.

The walk helps your head immensely, your agony switching to anger. Part of you wishes you had just gone back with Lewis when he offered, you would have proved your boyfriend right and still had a good night. If he doesn’t trust you, why be good for him?

When you arrive at Lewis’ hotel, he’s waiting in the door to his suite for you, his suit from earlier still on. He immediately takes note of your scowl and bag, his eyebrows raising. He doesn’t say a word as he steps aside to let you enter the room.

“That fucking asshole.” You say, dropping your bag as you finally turn to face a very concerned Lewis.

“What happened?” He asks you, cautiously approaching you.

“He doesn’t trust me! I could have come here and fucked you hours ago, but no, I stayed in his room and waited for his drunk ass to get back like a good little housewife. What do I get when he gets back? Accused of fucking you.” You let out in one big breath.

Lewis’ eyes widen, a slightly amused look on his face underneath the concern.

“So he accused you of cheating on him?” He questions, still trying to fully figure out what he’s dealing with.

“Oh not only that, he said he thought that he had tamed me, told me I embarrassed him.” You let out a bitter laugh.

“So he’s a square and a dumbass.” Lewis states with a cock of his head, frowning.

“Oh fuck you.” You spit at him.

“I’m just saying, no man in his right mind would ever be embarrassed by you.” He says softly, approaching you to put his hands on your arms gently, rubbing up and down softly in hopes of calming you somehow.

The gentle action makes you want to cry again, fall into him and never let him go. As if he can tell, he pulls you into his chest, holding you tight. You wrap your arms around his neck. You let yourself revel in the feeling of being in his arms, holding you so tight you almost can’t breathe, but you welcome it, you’ve missed it for so long.

“So why are you here baby, to piss him off?” Lewis asks quietly, loosening his grip on you slightly to get you to look at him.

“I don’t even know, I think I just wanted you.” You sigh, embarrassed by how needy you sound.

He smirks, pleased in the knowledge that you may want him in any way shape or form.

“Why the hell are you still dressed up?” You suddenly ask him, confused by how much time has passed since he left the event.

“Had an after party I had to go to, just got back a little while ago.” He shrugs, his arms still wrapped around you.

“So why the hell were you trying to get me to come back with you if you had things you had to do?” You question him.

“If there was any chance in hell you would come back with me I was blowing that party off in a heartbeat, don’t care if I pissed anyone off. Haven’t seen you in ages, couldn’t let the chance slip.” He explains, looking you dead in the eye.

The thought that he would have rather spent his night with you than going out and networking makes your heart clench, it’s something your own boyfriend never would have done, evidently. His admission makes you throw caution to the wind, missing the feeling of being wanted, you pull the back of his neck so you can connect your lips to his. He seems almost surprised for a moment, not expecting anything to happen due to the state you had arrived in. He only hesitates for a moment before responding with full force, his lips fully claiming yours like they’ll never touch another set.

He groans into the kiss, the sound going to your core immediately, its always been one of your favorite sounds. You take your hands from around his neck, pawing at the button of his jacket, desperate to feel the smooth skin and hard muscle he has hidden underneath. The second his jacket is open, running your hands up his torso, reveling in the strength, your lips never parting from his. He pulls back slightly, a cocky smirk spread across his swollen lips, his hands firmly on your backside.

“What do you want, baby?” He questions, his tone knowing.

You whimper in response, trying to catch his lips again as you work to push the jacket off his shoulders.

“Words Y/N, you know that.” He reprimands you even though he is reaching behind himself to pull his jacket off, throwing it over the nearby chair.

“Fuck, I want you, please.” You whine out, annoyed you even have to ask. 

His hands come back to your ass, taking greedy handfuls as his lips drop to your neck, brushing over the skin as he speaks, “You want me to show you what you’ve been missing out on? Remind you how good I can make you feel?”

All you can do is nod as you brace yourself on his large biceps, a panted ‘yes’ falling from your lips. Within seconds his hands have fallen to your thighs, scooping you up to walk you towards the bed in the large suite. He drops you down on the bed, letting you bounce as he stares down at you with hungry eyes. The mood has shifted so drastically since you arrived, the whiplash is making your brain spin. Within moments he’s on you again, his lips hungry against yours as his large hand trails up under your sweatshirt. You wished you were wearing something cuter but the feeling of his hands on you threw every thought out the window. As his lips trailed down your neck you explored every inch of his muscular back under your palms, feeling the way the muscles flexed every time he adjusted his position. Wordlessly your sweatshirt was thrown up and over your head before his lips attached to your bare breast. The moan you let out was something you didn’t recognize from yourself anymore, a sound you hadn’t made since the last time you had him.

Over the course of your relationship with your boyfriend, sex had become more of a chore, something you knew you needed to do to keep the relationship working, it obviously didn't work. Your boyfriend tended to rush through things, chasing his own high with yours as more of an afterthought. Lewis however, he took his time with you, he always had, he would never be done until you were absolutely wrecked beneath him.

Lewis’s lips were trailing down your body, his tongue tracing every inch of skin it could reach. Hot, wet, sloppy kisses being left against every dip and curve of your figure. When he reached the waistline of your sweatpants, his eyes flicked up for a moment, locking with yours. There was a faint question in them and all you could do was nod, bucking your hips up towards him, urging him to take them off. 

“So eager.” Lewis just about chuckles, pulling down your pants and thong in one move.

You can’t help but squirm when his eyes lock onto your heat, staring at you like he’s going to destroy you. His large hand splays across your bare waist, keeping you in place as his other holds one of your thighs out to the side.

“Patience babe, don’t worry, I’m gonna take care of you.” His voice is teasing but you can hear the tension behind his words, he’s just as worked up as you are, the evidence is visible in his dress pants.

He leans down, pressing soft kisses along your hip, making his way further down slowly, much too slow for your liking.

“Lewis, please.” You whimper, hoping he will speed up the process and ease the ache between your legs.

He smirks, locking his eyes with yours as he latches his lips around your clit with no warning. You shriek, the sound turning into a guttural moan as his tongue laps over your nerves. You can feel the stubble of his beard on the inside of your thigh, his eyes still have left your face. You can feel the cocky smirk that spreads across his face as he lowers his face, lapping at your drenched entrance.

“Fuck baby, you really needed this didnt you?” He taunts you, breathless.

All you can do is whine his name as his skilled mouth returns to your core.

“God I missed you, always taste so fucking good.” He murmurs against you.

His tongue makes his way inside of you as his thumb comes to rub at your clit, making your back arch. Finally having him inside of you feels so good, but you need so much more and he knows it.

He pulls his mouth away, his thumb still tracing patterns across your nerves.

“Need you to come for me babygirl, could feel you clenching around my tongue, I know you’re close.” He’s out of breath and when you finally look at him you can see your arousal glistening on his lips.

You writhe on the bed as he presses a finger against your entrance, teasing the slightest bit of pressure before inserting the thick digit deep inside of you. His tongue comes down to replace his thumb against your clit as he slips another finger inside of you, massaging the spongy spot inside of you just right that you scream. The sound rips out of your body coming from deep in your throat as your pleasure courses through you. You can feel yourself soaking Lewis as he laps up your release, humming contentedly, like youre the best meal he’s ever had. You barely have the ability to push him away, too sensitive and he knows it, that cocky smirk plastered across his face as he finally sits back. You barely even register that he’s moved back over you until you feel his fingers on your bottom lip, your own pleasure covering them.

“Open up babygirl, need you to taste just how amazing you are.” His voice is soft yet strained as you let his fingers slip past your lips, swirling your tongue around them. He lets out a soft groan, his eyes locked on your mouth as you put on a little show for him, still half delirious. 

When he finally slips his fingers from your lips he trails them down your chin and across your chest, leaving a trail of moisture that makes you shiver.

“Think you can take more? Hmm?” His lips are near your ear, you can feel the hot air of his voice against your humid skin.

“Please, god please.” You beg him, desperate to feel him again after so long.

“Been dying to be inside of you since the second I saw you tonight.” He admits into the skin of your neck as he works on the button of his dress pants. You attempt to help but its useless, you’re a useless pile of mush at this point.

He moves himself to stand at the end of the bed, finally kicking off his pants before grasping himself in his large palm. Your lips part inadvertently at the sight in front of you. His bare chest is glistening with sweat, making his tattoos that much darker and showing off the prominent shape of his pecs, his tattooed bicep is flexing ever so slightly as he slowly strokes himself, his eyes wandering over your naked body. When you finally trail your eyes down, your breath hitches in your throat. You’ve been with him countless times, but nothing can ever prepare you for just how thick he is, just how long he is. He has a cock that most men would pay to have and he knows it. He notices your staring, one side of his mouth curving into a knowing smirk. You’re sitting up, crawling towards him mindlessly, desperately trying to get your hands on him. You don’t even have time to properly register it when all the sudden you're being picked up like a rag doll and maneuvered onto all fours in front of him. You’re not even sure how he did it, his strength and your delirium making everything happen so fast. Within moments you feel his body pressed up behind yours, his mouth coming down next to your cheek.

“Gonna make sure my girl knows that no one will ever make her come like I do, gonna have you screaming my name baby.” He whispers, his voice sounding like pure sex. Your stomach clenches when he calls you his girl.

You feel him lining himself up with your entrance and all you can do is whimper into the pillow below you. With one hand grasped around his cock and the other a bruising grip on your hip, he takes a second to tease you, giving you the slightest pressure at your aching hole before slipping out and thrusting forward to nudge your clit. He’s leaving you a whining mess before he’s even inside of you and he’s absolutely loving it. He stills momentarily, lined up with you again before thrusting into you all at once. The force makes all the air leave your lungs as you slump even further forward. You hear a loud groan leave his chest and you wish you could see him, see the ecstasy across his face. His large palm soothes down your spine before pushing down, making you arch your hips up toward him even more. He barely gives you a moment before he’s rocking his hips, your body still working to accommodate the size its gone so long without.

“Good girl, you can take it.” His voice is low, demanding yet endearing. He’s the one that taught you about your praise kink, always so vocal about how good you make him feel.

His pace slowly starts to build, his thrusts becoming harsher as he keeps pressure on your back, keeping you just how he wants you. You can feel yourself getting even wetter as you listen to the moans leaving his body, your own sounds being nothing but gasps and whines. He’s hitting the perfect spot, over and over, and you can feel your stomach start to tighten. Rarely have partners even been able to make you come with just penetration, but everything is different with Lewis, it always has been.

“Fuck, already?” Lewis asks, his voice sounding almost amazed from behind you, “Fuck babe, I can feel you clenching my cock already, you gonna come again? Gonna fucking soak me like a good girl?”

His pace picks up, determination behind each thrust as his grip on your hips becomes even tighter. His voice alone is enough to send you over the edge again, the sound of pure sex. He groans loudly as he feels you come around him, working you through it but collapsing over you. He lets your hips go and you're dropping down flat on the mattress as he continues to pound into you from above. You can hear the slick sounds of him fucking into you and it makes everything so much dirtier. You’re moaning his name like it’s the only word you’ve ever learned.

“That’s it baby, just like that.” He coaxes you through a groan.

He doesn’t let up, the new angle making your toes curl as his weight bares down on you. He has one hand on your hip once again while he leans on his forearm next to you. You feel him start to move himself up, hooking your legs over his hips, your back bending backwards for him. He slows his pace ever so slightly, adding more force behind every thrust, making you squeal and grab at the sheets beneath you.

“Fuck, Lewis, I can’t, I-“ You whimper, too sensitive and too fucked out to properly string a sentence together.

“Yes you can baby, I know you can, go ahead and give me one more.” He soothes you, slapping your ass in contradiction to his kind tone.

You blindly reach your hand out behind you, wanting something to ground yourself on. He grabs your hand, giving it a squeeze before pulling out of you entirely. The sudden loss of contact leaves you confused before he’s flipping you onto your back, spreading your legs and sliding home once more. This time he grabs both of your hands, lacing your fingers with his as he braces them next to your head. His pace is still slow but unforgiving. His pupils are blown out and hooded as his eyes bore down into your own that are now teary.

“I got you, m’right here, let go, I know you can.” His voice is strained and you can tell he’s trying to hold his own release off, desperate to feel you come again.

His lips attach to yours, sloppy and wet as he sucks on your tongue. One of his hands lets go of yours as he trails down to your cores, gently flicking at your nerves to feel you clench before settling on a relentless speed that has your eyes rolling into the back of your head.

“Say my name baby, tell me who’s making you feel this good.” His tone is possessive and cocky as he pulls away to stare at you, obsessed with your face as you climax.

You scream his name as your orgasm washes over you, feeling like a tidal wave that has washed away anything but him and the ecstasy youre floating in. You hear him let out a deep guttural groan as his hips falter, trying so hard to fuck you through your own climax but the feeling of you squeezing around him is too much. You feel like you're floating when you feel him twitch inside of you, coming for longer than he ever has with you. You revel in it as he collapses down onto you, a comfortable crushing feeling that makes you never want to leave the bed.

You’re not sure how long you laid there, letting him pepper your neck with sloppy kisses as you tried to stroke his sweaty back, your efforts not the most successful as you felt like jello. You could feel the comforting feeling of him softening inside of you, still so big. You still didn’t feel like you were inside your own body when he finally pulled out and cleaned you up. It wasn’t until he was turning off the light and climbing into bed next to you, still naked, that you really felt human again. As he pulled you into his chest you felt an overwhelming sense of dread, knowing there was no good way for this to end. You were silent, nuzzling into his chest, trying to hold on to the moment for as long as possible.

“For the record, I meant what I said, no man in his right mind would ever be embarrassed by you.” Lewis says, tightening his arm around your waist.

You don’t respond, just press a kiss to his chest, enjoying the scent of him.

“I should know, I fumbled you pretty fucking hard.” He continues, much to your surprise.

You lift your head to look at him, shock written across your face.

“I’ve missed you.” He says, staring into your eyes in the dark room.

“I’ve missed you too.” You admit, laying your head back down to rest on his chest.

“I’ve got some other events to go to this week, come with me.” His words sound less like a question and more of a statement.

“Excuse me?” You look at him again, once again surprised.

“Come with me and let me show you off how you should be. I fucked up once, not doing it again.” His words are confident, sure of himself in every way.

You’re not sure how to respond, elated by the fact that this is exactly what you’ve wanted for so long, and terrified by the same thing. Words don’t come to you, all you can do is stretch up to kiss him, your mouths frantic against each others. His arm tightens around your waist as he pulls you up to lay on top of him, your legs falling around his waist. You kiss him mindlessly, brain dead at the feeling of his lips.

“Like I said, my girls gotta be taken care of.” He says against your lips as he moves you to slip himself inside of you once more.

As you slide down onto him once more, feeling him fill your heart and your core, you know no one else will ever be good enough for either of you again.

[ahgasegotarmy116]

He Doesn't Deserve You | A Jeon Jungkook Series | Chapter One

Summary: Life didn't turn out the way you wanted. You got the guy, and the job but everything else you had ever wanted has been crumbling around you. Pairing: Noona reader x Jeon Jungkook (She's 28 and he's 22) Word Count: 2.1k~ Warnings: yändere, manipulation, domestic violence, self harm, cheating, explicit language, hints at smut, angst, idk what else lol a/n: Ahh thank you so much for all of the love so far on the intro and even all the notes on the masterlist hehe. I'm really loving the direction this story is going in so I hope you guys will too! And thanks again to @kkusadmirer for the request!

Opening my laptop I pull up the most recent edit I had done on the next chapter I was working on. 

I'm a writer, not an incredibly famous one but a writer nonetheless. I make enough to get by and I'm able to work from home so that's all I ever really wanted. Just a silly girl, writing her silly stories, living her silly life. 

But unfortunately things don't always turn out the way you want them to. 

I thought I had it all, perfect grades and a perfect boyfriend with a loving family and a bright bright future. Now looking back at it all and seeing all of the stuff in the background that I somehow missed just makes me feel foolish.

How could I not notice Taehyung wondering eye? Why did I not listen to what my friends used to say about him? Why did I leave all of my friends behind for him? 

Being so wrapped up and so in love with him I didn't even notice the fact that my family was falling apart. My mom cheated on my dad and I never knew until they told me they were getting a divorce.

While my brother was struggling in high school while being around all of their screaming and fighting and finally got committed to a mental institution when he had a psychotic break.

I never knew anything about that. It's not like I didn't care, but I just never really reached out or gave them enough time to reach out to me. 

I was always like 'Oh Tae just got home I have to go' or 'Tae is expecting me so I need to get going'. My world has revolved around him for so long that my family and friends feel like strangers. 

How could I have been so stupid and neglected them, all for one guy?

The one that I wanted to build a future with and promised to do the same with me. Now here I am, 24 with student loans up to my neck and a sorry excuse for a marriage with a husband that is never home. 

I don't know what I managed to do in my past life that ended up royally fucking me up in this one but I'm sorry. Why couldn't I have done better so I would be saved from having my spirit broken and my heart ripped to shreds. 

The only positive thing is that this has given me is the inspiration to come up with an even more fucked up series of books that has been my only source of income for the past few years. 

Years, wow. 

Thinking about how much time has passed and how things went to shit so quickly helped me continue down this downward spiral and I don't know how to make it stop. Although the sound of keys jingling outside the front door is my rude awakening, my brain knowing I need to be conscious of what may happen next.

 I quickly wipe off the tears that I didn't even realized had started to fall and clear my throat. Moments later I'm met with the sight of Taehyung walking in wearing the same shirt I had seen him in yesterday but sports a brand new hickey near the collar, just barely noticeable but he makes no effort to hide it. 

"Y/n" I hear him call out, breaking me out of my train of thought. "Yes?" I question, hating that I've been caught off guard even though I was staring right at him. "I asked if we have anything to eat" he says, making his way over to the refrigerator, now going to see if he can answer his own question before I'm even given another second to speak up. 

"Um yeah I think there's some left over pizza from last night" I say and get up to walk towards him. "So how was work yesterday?" I ask tentatively, still not sure what kind of mood he's in. "Exhausting but it is what it is I guess" he says while stuffing his face full of a cold slice of pepperoni pizza. 

I turn to walk away while nodding my head, not bothering to ask anything else since it seems from his vague answers that he's not in the mood to talk. 

"Hey" he says, gently grabbing my wrist with the hand that wasn't occupied with the pizza, leaving me frozen in place. I know better than to walk away from him. Even if he's not mad at the moment doesn't mean that he won't be in the next. 

"Where are you running off to?" he asks pulling me close by that same wrist. Still doing so carefully but pressing on the bruises that he had left there from the last fight we had. 

He sees my slight look of discomfort and how my vision is trained on the wrist he's still holding and rolls up my sleeve, taking a quick look and seeing the evidence of his past transgressions.

"It left a mark huh?" he says examining the spot further and then bringing it up to his face where he places a few featherlight kisses on it, making a flash of heat run through my system when he looks back up at me with those eyes.

Those bedroom eyes that never fail to put me in a trance. He lifts his hand up towards my face and I flinch not knowing what to expect and see him stopping for a second, surprised by my reaction.

"Don't be afraid baby, it's just me" he says and keeps going, hooking his finger on the collar of my turtleneck to pull it to the side, no doubt searching for other marks. 

"There's marks here too. I guess it's a good thing you stay home. Don't want to have to make up excuses for those now would you?" he says tapping under my chin twice, a slight lilt in his tone, enjoying my clear discomfort in showing them to someone, even if it's the person that's caused them.

"What did you do today baby?" he asks, letting go of me and going back to grab a few other things out of the fridge to complete his meal. "Oh you know, just some writing" I say, trailing off and giving him the same answer that I've given him time and time again. 

"You almost done with it?" he questions, only really asking so he knows when my next big payday will be. 

I shake my head "No, not yet. I think I'm only about halfway though" I say, giving simple answers to his simple questions. "Well you better get it out soon. I bet your readers are dying to know what happens next" he says giving me a quick wink before taking everything he has in his hands and carrying it over to the couch. 

"Do you think you could grab me a beer?" he asks, but I know it's more of a courtesy than anything phrasing it like I actually had an option. I respond with a quiet yeah and bring it over to him, placing it on the coffee table. 

"Thanks babe" he says and grabs a ahold of my hand and angles his head up, clearly asking for a kiss to which I oblige. Again something I don't really have an option in doing. "I missed you" he says and rubs his nose against mine cutely, or at least it used to be cute. Now it just makes me sad thinking of all of those times when we were happy.

"Are you gonna watch the game with me?" this time giving me something that I actually have a choice in. "I think I've got some more writing I'd like to do" I say and he nods his head not even bothering to look at me or give me a verbal sign of acknowledgment before turning on said game and slumping back into the couch to watch. 

I walk over to my desk that happens to unfortunately be in the living room so I'm forced to grab my headphones to drown out the sound so I can hopefully get another chapter or two in before I call it a night. 

~~~~~~

"Baby" I hear him call for me through my headphones after some time, that's something that I've had to fine tune. Making sure I can hear him when he talks to me no matter what so it's one less thing I have to worry about him getting upset about. 

I pull out my headphones and turn my attention towards him, half expecting him to ask me to get him a beer. "Yes?" I reply, waiting to see what he needs. "Come here" he says holding his hand out to me and spreading his legs, showing me where he wants me. 

I get up and walk towards him, straddling him once I get close enough and putting my arms around his neck. "Hi" he says in a deep voice sending a shockwave through my nervous system. "Hi" I respond quietly, intimidated at the thought of what he might do next. "How was the game?" I ask tentatively, hoping for my own sake that there was a favorable result. 

"We won" he says, mindlessly tracing his hands up and down my curves. "How's your book?" he asks leaning into my neck, placing kisses over the bruises he had noticed from before. "

It's going" I whisper, starting to feel breathless from his warm breath fanning the sensitive parts of my skin. "Ready for a break?" he asks, question laced with a mischievous tone. I hum in acknowledgment, tilting my head to the side so he can have his fun.

~~~~~~

"I'm gonna head out but I'll be back later" Taehyung says while getting dressed with me still laying there with only a sheet to cover my body. "You're leaving?" I question, knowing he just said that but hoping he'll give me some sort of explanation.

"The guys wanted to meet up for a couple of drinks to talk about the game. Get some rest okay? I'll be back in a few hours" he says planting a soft kiss on my lips and one on my forehead. 

I nod as he pulls the comforter over me as well, starting to already to drift off to sleep. "Stay safe" I mumble and flip over to the other side to try and get more comfortable.

He looks down at me for a second and chuckles at my fucked out and sleepy state before walking out of our bedroom and soon I'm left with the sound of him closing and locking the door behind him. 

Although this night was bittersweet I'm thankful that it ended up like this. He's not a selfish lover when it comes to sex so I'm always left sleepy and satisfied except for the times that he's more rough, rough is putting it lightly so I guess I should say when he's more violent. 

I hate thinking about those nights and I refuse to let those dark thoughts cloud this physical euphoric feeling I have but I can't help but worry about what he might actually be going out to do.

 Would having a drink with the guys really make him want to leave his naked and freshly fucked wife alone in his bed? I just don't get it. If he's already been with me tonight could there be a possibility that he would wake up in another woman's bed and leave me waking up alone again tomorrow?

There's no use worrying about it though. It's not like it hasn't happened before, but why do I always let it get to me? Yes he's my husband but our marriage isn't like other ones in anyway shape or form. I'm here when he wants or needs me and that's it. I'm not allowed to want or need him because I'm just left disappointed every single time.

He doesn't love me, he just loves what I can give him and I need to come to terms with that. But it's nights like these where he's gentle and whispers sweet nothings in my ear that make me second guess things. 

Maybe he's changed? Maybe he's realized what actually matters? And maybe I'm just getting my hopes up. I can't keep lying to myself but I don't know what else to do. I feel alone most days but these little glimmers of hope are what keep me holding on and unfortunately that's all I have left. 

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[motionlessonigiri]

Hi Sabezra community.

Am I an English speaker? No. That's why I apologize in advance for the crimes against the English language that I'm going to commit next. But I still hope you can understand me. I'm not even sure anyone will see this.

It's been a while since I came here to find people who love the same things as me. Like a refuge from the outside world. I planned to post something only when I had something interesting to share with you all, like a video edit or fanart. Things so we could have fun together.  The current circumstances didn't allow me to do anything for now, so I was just following things as a spectator.

Seeing all this ship war going on, made me feel like I wanted to get away from all social media, so I wouldn't see these things anymore.  I also felt scared to express my love for this ship too. I'm scared to post this now.

Even my mother noticed that something was bothering me.  She asked me several times what I had.  I didn't want to tell her, because she's also a Star Wars fan and I don't want her to know everything that's going on. I want her to continue watching our favorite shows without thinking about negative things.

I want to get the hell away from it all, but for once, I would like to post this to all the Sabezra shippers who are receiving free hate. I think you guys need some love after suffering so much hate and I need to get out how I'm feeling. Because that's all I can do for now.

This whole time, I saw your fanart, I saw your video edits and I read many of the beautiful fanfics you wrote (I confess that I haven't read them all yet, it's due to lack of time, but I loved everything I read).

I see everyone putting so much love into what they do. And I can't ask you to continue, because I myself don't know if I'll ever be able to post anything in the future. But to be honest, I don't want you to stop.  Am I being cowardly and selfish? Perhaps, but it's the truth.

But I'm here to remind you that not all Sabezra shippers are so active on social media, but we exist.

I've been a Star Wars fan for a few years and only watched Rebels during the pandemic. I started shipping Sabezra since then.

I was so happy that the Ahsoka series exists. And now I couldn't even watch Ahsoka or Rebels (I tend to rewatch the things I like many times). Because every time I try to watch it I'm reminded of this whole ship war that's going on.

So I decided to talk to a friend. He is also a Star Wars fan (and a fan of Rebels, which I recommended to him), but he doesn't follow things that happen on social media. We always talk about Star Wars, but we never talked about ships.  But today I asked him what he thought of Ezra and Sabine.

He is my childhood friend and we practically grew up together, so I thought: "If he sees Sabine and Ezra as just friends/siblings, just like he and I are, maybe I'm seeing too much in the interactions between Sabine and Ezra and and I should just stop shipping them." 

But to my surprise he also ships Sabezra. He said that you can see in the exchange of looks between them that there is something (In fact, my friend and I never look at each other the same way Sabine and Ezra look at each other). And he thinks Sabine is in love with Ezra.

The same case happens with my mother, who also loves Rebels and watches everything from SW since when she was young, but without following all the discussions that happen on the internet.  When we watched Ahsoka, she said she thought Sabine liked Ezra since Rebels.  She said this without me saying anything about shipping them.  And when I asked her if she thought it was wrong to ship them, she said no and said she thinks they will be together someday.  (I know, this may never happen, but hearing this from my mom warmed my little heart)

Even a friend of mine who isn't a fan, just watches casually, asked me if Sabine had a crush on Ezra.

Talking to these people from outside made me feel better, because this may not have been the intention of Dave and the others, but you can see that, based on common sense, no one can blame us for shipping them, it seems natural to many people. And not all Sabezra Shippers can be seen expressing this around.

I have nothing against anyone who ships wolfwren.  But I won't lie and say I wasn't sad that the cast supported it so openly, while we are accepting crumbs. I confess that at first I felt betrayed. I haven't shipped Sabezra for as long as many of you, but I feel like I have. But thinking clearly, I understand them. Besides thinking that they can to ship whatever they want, just like us, I see it as a way for them to show support for the LGBT community. It is to be expected that they will do this. And it's okay.

Needless to say, I'm just posting this to express what I was feeling, I have no intention of hurting anyone.  I am completely against any type of hate.

I don't regret watching Ahsoka, nor do I regret that the series existed.  But I'm sorry to have seen so much fighting and hatred for something that was made to make us all happy. I wish I had followed everything in ignorance, as well as my friend and my mother. I think I'll start seeing things that way from now on.

I had a lot more to say, but I still don't know how to express them in words and this was turning into a mile long post.  My first post and this was huge.  I'm sorry for this. I needed to get these things out because I want to sleep and focus on the more important things I have to do.

And I want to be able to enjoy watching Ahsoka and Rebels again without feeling sick out remembering all the discussion surrounding it.

For now, I want you to know that I've been loving all the Sabezra content you've been posting. What I want to say is that I'm here and that I will continue to ship Sabezra until the end. Even if you don't see me interacting here.

Maybe later I'll regret posting this. 

Maybe I'll delete it right away. 

Maybe I'll never come around here again. 

I don't know.

Too late. But everything is fine. 

At least now you know I'm here.

I love you all.

[kings-highway]

i've got quite a lot of fics written but they don't seem complete or cohesive enough to leave my docs,,, i don't know how to outline fics so everytime i get back to them im all over the place and end up doing things from the beginning do u have any advice :⁠,)

so... mhm... this is an interesting question. First of all I GREATLY appreciate you asking but unfortunately this installment of King's "advice column" is going to be half rant, half pep talk, and like maybe a sneaky 3% advice because the truth is... I don't know.

first off: I don't outline anything. Never have. The few times I do outlines it's for the sake of "trying to outline" and never because i wanted to. If you ever see me say the phrase "my outline" what Im actually referring to is the dance-break hallucination of the characters I've set to whatever Top 40 song Im listening to at the moment. I... cannot help you with outlining. Not really.

But I have some things that may help you overall. It sounds like the problem you have is with editing, not writing. Which... if you're new to editing or haven't edited a lot, can be entirely tedious and confusing and you might be saying "ach, but whats the difference!" - the difference is everything. I, personally, love editing. editing is where a story comes alive and can be perfected. If you have a finished full draft of a story, and you truly dont know where to go next... the next step is to be done with it. Literally. I've been working on a personal novel for about 2 years now, and half that time is spent waiting. Put away your draft, write something else. In 2 months, 3 months, come back to it and read it again, change anything you're no longer satisfied with. You'd be SHOCKED how much just taking a break from a story can improve your understanding of it. You may think of things to change in this waiting period - hold off. Hold it in. Let it stew. consider it caramalizing onions. there's simply no way to rush it. NOW - you expressed the sentiment of "i always end up doing things from the beginning-" I say... no you dont. That IS editing. My story has fully changed from front to back multiple times. That new draft you wrote from scratch? congrats, thats your second draft. Not your first. then you do it again. And again. Until the edits become smaller and smaller and smaller. And then when you hate it enough, you say "i cant possibly touch this anymore" and thats when you let someone read it.

And the truth is, they should have been reading it before. Feedback is infinitely important, in the editing process. You cannot expect to only ever show the best product. I have friends who have read drafts of my novel that wouldnt even be able to recognize what it is now. but I could never have gotten it to this point without their feedback. You have to be okay with letting someone - even just one person - see your bad first draft. THEY will be able to tell you where your cohesion is or isnt and how to improve it.

BUT that brings me to a second point, and the idea that this is probably fanfiction. Now, your initial ask was a little vague, so consider the first response there me being under the assumption you were interested in completely finishing a novel or short story with incredibly serious intent. Now Im going to assume you might be looking to publish chapter by chapter or take it "less seriously" because its just for having fun.

And to that i Say:

if youre publishing chapter-by-chapter (and writing chapter by chapter) your cohesion is gonna be shit!!! thats a first draft youre putting out into the world, babe, its gonna be ass! but embrace the chaos!!! I have learned and developed SO MUCH as a writer by publishing chapters one at a time, namely how to "punch through" that lack of cohesion. Consider your first draft a challenge. no matter how many errors you make, you are NOT allowed to go back and change it. that thing you committed to chapter 2? well its chapter 18 now and you either need to address it, or ignore it and hope your readers dont comment. You are beholden to your own writing and theres nothing you can do. Make it work. Its probably not as bad as you think.

Which brings me back to my initial point - dont trust me on cohesion!! Or, maybe, don't trust *yourself* on your judgement of your story. I'm assuming if you're asking you like at least 1 of my stories, so here's that aforementioned peptalk bit from the beginning:

if we're talking about incohesive stories and bad choices and things that REALLY should have been edited, I'm the (hehe puns) King of them. (I sometimes just vaguely think about Paranormality and want to tear my hair out - and yet this is one people seem to love the most!) here's two facts from my stories that are currently still available to read on ao3:

1. In "The Island" Jasvir and the rescue team make a 24 hour journey in about 6 hours (Because I forgot where New Zealand was and didnt fact check before)

2. In "Soulmake Adventures" Tendou describes how Ushijima stays at his apartment when he's "in the city" despite that city being Tokyo and the home base for the Adlers and Ushijima really should, like, have a home. (It did not occur to me to even check)

And Honey, if you think I had a plan for even one goddamn second of Paranormality you're mistaken. Holy shit it's just nonsense after nonsense after nonsense. I REALLY should have like, at least at one point, like... thought ahead. I just kept shoving stuff in and backpedaling and doubling down on things. But it was FUN to write. And people had a lot of fun reading it. I could edit it into something cohesive, but I dont think it needs that. I think if youre writing fanfiction, maybe its okay to just let it be a little bit loose and fucked up for the sake of the joy of it.

here's.... uh.... 3% advice:

1. have an ending. the stories where I know what my last scene (or my last line) will be always get drafted easier and with less stress. I dont mean have an ending idea. I mean literally mentally map out the last paragraph. Really helps me keep on track

2. talk to people. Walk them through your premise and your themes and what you want it to be. saying it out loud almost always will start clicking puzzle pieces together.

3. learn editing. unfortunately im not talking about grammer and spelling, i mean proper content editing. You have to build this skill seperately from your writing.

4. accept that your first draft is for vibes and fun. Push forward and do your best to "force it" however you need to, but;

4.5. understand that deleting work is part of the creation process too. If you do scrap an entire draft and start over, youre not "starting over" - youre starting draft 2. Thats editing!

[flightfoot]

Hi, I'd be interested in some fanfictions that center around Nino (all ships welcome, bonus points if it's the core four hanging out).

Most fics that have him tagged don't focus on him. If you have any recs lmk, feel free to take as long as you need! Have a nice day

I'm on it! So long as you're fine with ships that also revolve around couples anyway, otherwise this would be rather sparse. I'm gonna go ahead and limit it to completed fics. Oh, and if you wonder why some of these have commentary and some don't, it's because the ones with commentary are from previous reclists I made.

(Edit: I'd said that I'd only include complete fics, but I accidentally included Withered Wings anyway, because I kinda forgot that. It's pretty close to finished at any rate, and it's good and long so I'm keeping it.)

Within Your Heart by Inkyibis

It’s Valentine’s Day and Ladybug just wants to her superhero partner to find his love. And what she wants, the Lucky Charm will create. If only she could remember what it is she did last night.

Adrino fic here! Marinette’s drunk and feeling awful that her superhero partner is alone on Valentine’s (she’s in a loving and committed relationship with Alya), so she creates a Lucky Charm to help Chat find love! In this universe, Ladybug’s Lucky Charms have the power to create new rules for the universe to follow, such as making one that demands that if you have any magic in you, you have to tell the truth or else you’ll freeze. Or in Adrien’s case, that he has to wake up in the arms of his true love every day XD. It’s very sweet and I love both Adrien’s and Nino’s relationship, and the relationship between the rest of the Miracuteam members as well, even though that’s not the focus.

---

I’ll give myself a name (something stupid and pretentious) by @bbutterflies

Nino looked at the number and didn’t recognize it. Usually he wouldn’t answer, but he had nothing better to do – and could still really use a distraction – so he did. “Hello?”

“Hey, Nino.”

Nino stood up quickly, chest tightening. He knew that voice. He’d been waiting to hear it again for over two years. “Adrien?” he whispered.

“Yeah. It’s me."

-

When Monarch is defeated (and revealed to be Gabriel Agreste), Chat Noir immediately goes missing. Adrien disappears not long after. When Adrien finally shows up in Paris again, Nino would do anything to make sure he doesn't disappear again.

Ah this is lovely, Adrien’s been in a lot of emotional turmoil since Monarch’s defeat, convinced that everyone would hate him, SHOULD hate him, for not realizing that his father was the villain, and should hate him even more for disappearing like he does. But slowly Marinette and Nino get through to him, convince him that they just want him back. 

And also Adrien and Nino smooch. Multiple times. So that’s a bonus XD.

---

Would Trust You With Everything by @kasienda

Nino breaks off, tears streaking down his face. Adrien wishes he was here as himself instead of Chat so he could offer a hug.

“It’s not like I don’t think she deserved her privacy. It’s just it felt like I was her last priority. And if I knew why, then maybe we could overcome it. But when I don’t, I’m not willing to be her last thought. You know? I always put her first.”

“Yeah,” Chat agrees, able to relate too well. He always put Ladybug first too, and he’s not sure it has ever been the same for her. “I’m sorry you’ve been so alone through this."

“I haven’t been totally alone,” Nino disagrees, holding up his phone. “My best friend has been keeping me company virtually most of the day.”

“Yeah? It helped?”

“I don’t know if any of the stuff he sent helped, but like, given what I know he’s up to, he totally had to move heaven and earth to talk to me so much, and that really helped. You know, just knowing that someone was thinking of me.”

“I’m glad,” Chat Noir said. “I wish he could be there in person for you.”

Nino sighs. “Yeah, me too, but at least you’re here."

...

Season 4 au - canon divergent from Rocketear Rocketear led to DJWiFi breakup.

Ahh, Adrino my beloved XD. I love the identity shenanigans in this one with Adrien being around Nino as both Adrien and Chat Noir, and both of them vaguely describing their situations to each other. It takes Adrien a bit to figure out that he has a crush on Nino, but once he does...

---

The moment I knew (I’d no choice but to love you) by @bbutterflies

“He’s dating me,” Nino said, taking Adrien’s hand in his own.

Adrien could only stare back at him in shock.

“How dare you all force him to come out?” Nino continued, glaring at the reporters. “That was disgusting.” He pulled Adrien over to the car, guided him in, and shut the door behind them.

In the relative quiet and privacy of the backseat, Adrien finally processed what had just happened. “So… when were you going to tell me we were dating?”

This Adrino fic is delicious XD. Reporters keep hounding Adrien about his love life, so Nino finally gets them off Adrien’s back by fake-dating him. Problem is, Adrien’s actually been madly in love with Nino for years but has never been able to tell him. And now as they’re spending more time together, Nino’s beginning to find that he’s enjoying all these “couple” activities more than maybe he ought to if it’s entirely platonic...

If you want to see Adrien and Nino PINING for each other while “fake” dating (is it really fake if both parties want it to be real?) then you’ve come to the right fic!

---

Chemistry With Him by @bbutterflies

It kind of sucked Nino was taking chemistry, but classes had filled up fast and he needed to take something and his advisor had said the credits would, somehow, count towards his major. It really sucked he was taking it first thing on a Monday morning (and Wednesdays, and Fridays, unfortunately). But he could get through it. He knew he could.

So no more boys. No distractions. He could do this all on his own.

“Is anyone sitting here?”

Nino looked up to find the source of the voice. A blond, green-eyed, absolutely beautiful someone.

Okay. Maybe one distraction.

Ah, adorable Adrino. This is a universe where Adrien never went to public school, so while Chat Noir, Ladybug, Carapace, and Rena Rouge all know each other (and Marinette, Alya, and Nino all know each other’s identities) they’re unaware that they are all already friends with Adrien. I loved seeing Chat and Carapace excitedly tell each other about their awesome crush/boyfriend, not knowing they were talking about each other XD.

---

Strangely Familiar by @sunfoxfic

Alya Césaire’s life is perfect. Indeed, between the success of the Ladyblog, how well she’s doing in school, and the fact that she’s a superhero who has never bore the weight of a crisis of epic proportions, her life almost couldn’t be better. Almost.

But Alya has always been a go-getter, and so she’ll chase after that perfect life if it kills her. Which is how she ends up rushing to move out of her father’s apartment and in with Marinette, Adrien, and a complete stranger: Nino Lahiffe. And in fact, her life does seem perfect — she and Nino are fast friends. They spend a lot of time together and get to know each other really well.

But in the end, fortunate situations will bear unfortunate truths, and she learns things about herself that aren’t quite comfortable. Like I said, though: Alya has always been a go-getter, and she won’t let new feelings deter her from chasing after her perfect life.

This is the single longest DJWifi-centric fic on AO3 (which is a travesty) and it is GLORIOUS. Alya and Nino are both well fleshed-out here, with their own problems and baggage they’re dealing with, but it’s easier together.

---

Shelltering Others by @rosie-b:

When Ladybug wakes Nino up in the middle of the night to scold him for revealing his identity, he thinks his career as a Miraculous holder is over. But instead, Ladybug gives him the opportunity to prove himself by becoming Chat Noir’s confidant and learning his secret identity through a scavenger hunt of sorts. Will Nino pass Ladybug and Chat Noir’s test, or will he fail to put the pieces together in time?

Quick disclaimer here: the first chapter looks kinda salty towards Nino, with Ladybug laying into him for revealing his and Alya’s secret identities to Adrien and Marinette. She’s mostly just trying to scare him into taking them seriously, though, since she herself has just proposed that Nino become Chat’s secret-keeper, and he can’t afford to be lackadaisical with that identity. I highly recommend getting through at least chapter 2 of the fic when giving it a shot, because this had some great character development and introspection for Nino, on Chat Noir, Adrien, Ladybug, and himself. 

---

run boy run by tinuviel_tinuviel

Nino was sprawled on the floor of his room with Alya when his phone chimed, in the quiet of a premature autumnal sunset. It was one of those lazy evenings that had become rare lately. Contrary to popular belief, he and Alya could get studying done when in the same room, and he was elbows-deep in late assignments, which meant his phone was on Do Not Disturb, which meant the notification could only have come from one person.

ADRIEN 🐈: cmoe ove rnow ADRIEN 🐈: like riggt now ADRIEN 🐈: plag NINO: that is literally incomprehensible NINO: wait is that you plagg ADRIEN 🐈: mov faster

So this is a “Adrien finds out that his father is Hawkmoth and consults with Nino about what to do” fic, with Nino throwing Hawkmoth off Adrien’s track, though inadvertently at his own expense. Love Nino’s perspective here, and I always enjoy a good Hawkmoth-takedown fic!

---

Best Friend and Boyfriends by @kasienda

“Someone’s in a good mood,” Nino commented when Adrien slid into the seat next to him in the student lounge during the mutual gap they both had between their university classes. Adrien turned his grin towards his best friend. “Yeah,” he agreed. Nino grinned back. “I haven’t seen you in this good of a mood in months. Were you hanging with your mystery lady?” The question caught Adrien completely off guard. Was Nino seriously comparing his feelings for Carapace with his feelings for Ladybug? Sure, Carapace had become one of his favorite people. Adrien currently coveted every moment spent in Carapace’s company. He walked away from talking to him for hours feeling like he was floating on a cloud. And he was anticipating their next patrol like a giddy child waiting for Christmas morning. Holy shit! “You okay, dude?” Nino asked. He totally had feelings for Carapace. When had that even happened?

---

Withered Wings by @11jj11

Nino wasn’t sure if anyone had ever willingly took the akuma butterfly before him, but with his mind completely open to this apparent son of Hawk Moth he knew that he couldn’t turn him away. Not someone that was so afraid, not someone who would be left at the mercy of Hawk Moth.

---

5 times Adrien, the person, helps Nino aka Chat Noir and one time Adrien, the turtle themed hero (still not the fragrance) does it by DearLittleRobin

Adrien is a cool guy that needs more friends Nino is a good friend (and he's also Chat Noir)

---

Turtle-y Awesome by chattonne-rousse

Hugo Dupain-Cheng loves turtles, and by extension, he loves Carapace, his favorite superhero of them all. He doesn't know yet that his idol is also his Uncle Nino, and Nino hasn't yet seen the Carapace shrine that is Hugo's bedroom. But the little man is turning five and has just two wishes - a Carapace-themed party with friends and family, and the latest, greatest Carapace play set. This is a story of best friends, laughter, good kids and even better parents, and a whole lot of turtles.

---

I hope the worst isn't over by thescuttlebug

Falling is exactly like flying right up until you stop. Like, assuming the kind of flying you’re used to involves busted steering and useless panic, Nino guesses. “GO LIMP!” a voice shouts, and Nino catches a glimpse of black something-like-leather and the twin flashes of a golden bell and silver staff streaking through the air. “Are you kidding me, dude?!” he shrieks.

---

Foxy Lady by WizardlyMagik

In which Nino finds himself unexpectedly attracted to Rena Rouge, tries and fails to tell his friends and get some advice, and desperately attempts to hide it from his girlfriend. (Who in fact, is planning to use it to her advantage)

---

Won't Tell A Soul by @thelastpilot

Nino accidentally runs head long into the biggest most stressful secret he can imagine, but now that he knows the truth about Marinette he is determined to help her in any way he can.

[lesbianwyllravengard]

Tired of ppl erasing Leon's flaws. Anyway, resident evil 4 remake analysis:

The funny thing with the remake is, they didn't actually write out Leon's misogyny from the og; they simply recontextualised it. He no longer says "following a lady's lead just isn't my style", but he DOES say "maybe you aren't heartless after all" to a woman who's saved his life and the life of Ashley countless of times. Hell, Ada is the reason Leon lives past Mendéz, she's the reason he finds Ashley again, she's the reason he is able to find anything in that place, and he still has the audacity to act like she doesn't care, or worse, that she's completely heartless, just because he got his wittol feewings huwt.

Leon's so selfishly caught up in making it entirely personal, even when she established that it wasn't, that he's letting his butthurt feelings literally warp his perception of her into something monstrous. He is quite literally the "one woman wronged me in the slightest way so I will distrust and despise her forever but actually it was just my entitled ass demanding more than she ever consented to give" kind of incel. All she did was kiss him in re2r, she NEVER said it meant anything, or that - fucking hell - she'd be committing to him in any way. I mean the very fact that she should have shot him to get the sample but didn't should be the biggest proof, to the audience and to Leon, that she truly cares and just didn't want him to get caught up in her work, which she actively recognises is not morally sound work.

Also, Leon never once stopped to care about or consider her own turmoil about it?? Every time they talked it was about his feelings and his sense of betrayal and "or are you just using me again", it was never about her. She cares more about him than he cares about her and it breaks my heart. He only cares about himself in this situation, he only cares about how Ada's actions affected him through his own lens, he only cares about his own hurt and doesn't stop for a second to consider hers. He doesn't see Ada as her own person, he sees her for what she could do for, or to, him. He sees her as a projection of who he wanted her to be, not as a person. And that's misogyny at its core.

And as for the fans ignoring every wrong thing Leon has ever done, and instead hating Ada for doing nothing wrong, that too is misogyny :)

Edit to add: it's most clear in how Leon treats Krauser in the exact opposite way. Despite Krauser being a power hungry maniac who killed Luis in front of Leon, Leon still appeals to Krauser's honour, he still tries to put himself in Krauser's shoes and says he "understands" the pain and betrayal Krauser must have felt. And these are all normal, natural reactions to seeing someone you used to respect and admire fall short. But the point is, he reacts this way with Krauser because he saw Krauser as a human being capable of good, whereas he only saw Ada as a projection of who he wanted her to be, and when she wasn't actually like that, he hated her for it.

Capcom's misogyny infects everything they make, and while they genuinely tried making Leon no longer misogynistic, this kinda thing still slipped through because Capcom only sees Ada as a romantic extension of Leon.

Edit again: Another thing is that just because you might think something is in character for Leon/makes sense for him to feel/act a certain way, that doesn't inherently mean he's right to. Like, Leon's an unreliable narrator a LOT of the time - anyone who has survivor's guilt like he does is gonna be. Just because you think it "makes sense" or you understand why he'd be upset, doesn't mean he's in the right to treat Ada the way he did. Leon was also understandably upset with Krauser and his actions, even saying Krauser "won't get away with this", and yet he still approaches Krauser with respect, and tries to empathise with Krauser's experiences. I just need people to understand that this double standard from Leon is obvious and misogynistic, that's all.

[greenbergwrites]

How do you get motivation to write 😭 you’ve have so many amazing bodies of work while I struggle to finish one idea 💀

oh, babe. I have random ideas that I do not develop AT ALL and just write some choice emotional/porn bits for, that's not the same thing as having numerous bodies of work.

And I'm cool with that, because that is literally 100% of the reason I started this blog. I needed to try and teach myself how to write without editing it to death, which was downright fucking terrifying when I first started doing it and only mildly frightens me now.

That's what everything on this blog is, literally unfiltered stream of consciousness, but it's what I needed to learn how to do because I have a well-documented and pathological tendency to just rewrite the same thing over and over again because it's never good enough in my eyes

When it comes to actual finished works, I have very few. FAC is the first big project I took on since I was a teenager and look at it now, absolutely fucking unfinished. The project that will haunt me to the end of time.

But I'm trying to get better. At the beginning of January, I told Ked I wanted to have a writing schedule and because she is an unstoppable force of nature and also a goddamn angel, she agreed to take up the task of herding me.

Most nights at 6:30, I get a message from her that simply says "it's time," and that's my cue to stop whatever I'm doing and try to write something. It was really fucking hard at first, but here we are 7 months in and it's finally getting easier.

The goal we somehow came to is 400 words, which was apparently Terry Pratchett's daily goal. Sometimes it's hard to get there and sometimes it's really easy, but it's doable and that's the important bit.

But sometimes, even though it's doable, I don't get there. Sometimes I've had the shittiest day and even though I want to, my brain just isn't in it. Sometimes I'm so goddamn tired because my anxiety meds fuck with my ability to sleep and sleep aids only help so much.

I hate myself for not being able to commit in those times, because dumbly, I feel like I'm letting Ked down. But Ked never makes me feel like I'm letting her down. She'll just commiserate with me, or if she feels I've gone too long without writing, she'll say, "Just think about the story for 15 minutes and then you've done what you need to for the day."

I think the BIGGEST thing--the thing that honestly has fucking helped more than anything--is through this whole process, Ked has taught me to be kind to myself.

It's not the end of the world if I don't write every day, as long as I don't make it a habit of not writing, and whatever the fuck I manage to do, whether it's a hundred words or a thousand, it's something to celebrate because it's better than continually writing nothing at all

So, like. Just be kind to yourself. If you're not writing, it's for a reason. And if that reason is simply only "I'm out of practice," well then find you a friend like Ked and let them herd you.

That only really works if you're willing to submit to someone else's authority, though, and luckily for everyone involved in my life, I might be a brat, but I'm a people-pleasing brat so I allow myself to be herded most days.

I just, you know. Complain about it loudly, too.

[mememanufactorum]

Things my friends have said out of context (July 2023 edition)

* FEEL FREE TO SHARE AS YOU PLEASE, NO CREDIT NEEDED. CHANGE PRONOUNS OR ANYTHING ELSE AS DESIRED.

Y'all know Japanese right?

And then gay furry porn.

We've been measuring our distance in LOTR Director's Cut length.

This is when the ants start to peek over.

Humans think existential threats look just like us.

Can't get more American than bikini clad armor women flying with snipers.

They wanted to fucking negotiate peacefully at first. Imagine the surprise when that failed.

God was not happy being stunned continuously, but I was thriving.

Ok guys, time to be replaced by a skinwalker.

I hope to watch someone eat shit on the sand dunes.

I consumed a chocolate covered coffee bean for the first time not knowing that's what it was and died.

I mean, it is coffee condensed into a powerful bean.

IT'S 104 DEGREES, NO WONDER I'M DYING OUT THERE.

Alright, y'all get to be my bodyguards.

You're paid in friendship and permission to be an ass if they're a giant red flag.

I'm just bad at judging people like this, so I need bodyguards.

Except I have too many bones and they're all fragile so I don't go squish.

I make a million cracking noises.

I'm gonna eat the Zaku.

You're gonna feel every bone in my body shift and be horrified.

Plot twist: I'm running the carnival. I'm the fae.

Bathroom mirrors are awful at night.

I'm gonna squish, and not in nice way.

Why does the pool smell like fried chicken?

If this somehow works in her favor, I'm gonna Kermit.

You will not do nothing to ensure you don't purchase it.

HEY KIDS YOU WANT TO FIGHT AN ELDRITCH GOD?

But as we all know from endless consumption of Japanese media, anime is more powerful than God.

As it turns out, God is weak to an oversized Glock.

It's just a vampire being a freak with a Druid.

What? You don't like the Druid transforming into a literal bear to bang the vampire?

The IRS waits for no one.

Do I get to re-enact my one day as an Oblivion guard?

I still want to punt [name] a lot.

When she's in her true form, I want to bop her with a bat. The major league baseball kind of bat.

I hate it when mechs have feathery wings like this.

Not the first or the last time we will commit war crimes.

I got hit with the X. X just gave it to me.

I AM THE MOST UNRECOGNIZABLE PERSON AROUND.

You say this, but I am often able to sneak away by doing nothing.

What a fucking nerd. You have a boyfriend that cares about your wellbeing. Point and laugh at this nerd.

I'd pick her up, spin her around, and do the same kind of singing that confuses my dogs.

That sounds incredibly stupid. You have what's basically chocolate and savory candy.

You're beyond creatures.

Or you could be like me: Drink four shots of espresso and vibrate to the sun.

[bylightofdawn]

WIP Sunday

Alas, I don't think I'm going to finish this fic today, my attention span has been shit for most of the day though I did manage to write this. It's kinda longer than is prolly necessary but I could not find a good place to break it up. Cahir is having a minor philosophical crisis and Gallatin continues to be a ride or die bestie who is probably the only thing keeping him sane at this point. Aside from that, no REAL story spoilers. I guess for context, Cahir had broken off from him in the forest to seek out a mage/hedge witch in hopes she might be able to assist him in breaking the curse. In order to facilitate that, she cut off a slice of his arm and got some blood from him. NGL I know nothing about magic in the Witcher universe but everything I've seen seems to have very much a something must be sacrificed in order to power the spell with a lot of entropy magic tossed in. And at least one of the curses we see in the show is based off of blood magic sooooo I'm just making shit up as go along.

EDIT: And I'm at 9K already so nope, definitely NOT going to keep this under 10K. I've also made th decision I am going to break this up into chapters if only because the Witcher fandom in general seems to have shorter fanfics and chapters. Posting a 5K or 6K chapter in Star Wars is nothing but I think I'll need to come up with making this a bit more palatable in shorter doses which honestly, thanks to the structure of this fic being intertwined scenes, I think will be pretty easy. -crosses fingers-

This was one of the poorer parts of the Cintran capital and people who had even a sliver of roof space were prone to keeping pigeons for meat animals. They took up less space than chickens or other barnyard animals, and the scent of them was prominent in the air.

Cahir was faced with the dilemma of whether or not he wanted to risk potential food poisoning by visiting one of the local ale houses or if it would just be smarter to go to a better-heeled part of the city. After some trial and error, he had found a vendor two streets over that sold reputable pigeon pies. The problem is, they were often busy and sold out by this time, but Cahir opted to take his chances.

The Great Sun was in his favor today because he managed to snag one of the remaining hand pies and a relatively quiet place to eat in peace. When he’d been a small boy, before the Usurper ruined his childhood by arresting and locking away his father and older brothers, Cahir would have never had something so pedestrian as a pigeon hand pie.

Still, since the fall of his family during the reign of the Usurper, Cahir had eaten far worse things than pigeon pie. There’d been a time when he’d been literally starving where he’d have done anything for even the burnt crust of a leftover pie.

That was before the White Flame had found and rescued him from the worst pits of Hell and had given him a purpose. He’d anointed him, molded him into the perfect soldier and finally a commander of his army and Cahir had repaid that kindness with a devotion that bordered on zealotry.

He’d learned to stop asking questions, deeming all violent mayhem and bloodshed even if it seemed utterly unnecessary was required. As a boy who had lived through one Usurper’s reign and grown up to hate and eventually overthrow that regime he knew how dangerous it was to leave a crop of angry youths the room to grow into angry men and eventually kill you.

Or at least, that was what Emhyr had told him and Cahir had accepted it as gospel truth.

For nearly fifteen years, he had eaten up everything the White Flame had told him without question. He had committed some truly heinous actions, like the wholesale slaughter of towns that dared to resist the might of the Nilfgaardian Empire.

Yet at time went on, the voice of conscience had steadily gone quieter. There were times when it still bothered him but those times had become less frequent. Older soldiers he met had claimed that was signs of a seasoned campaigner. And that good soldiers followed orders because they only have a micro-view of the battle.

Making sense of the bloody arithmetic of war was up to the generals and commanding officers. They had the vision to recognize that the slaughter of ten dissenters would prevent a hundred more from getting any ideas of rebellion. And in doing so, a thousand lives might be saved.

When Cahir had risen through the ranks, those choices had fallen into his shoulders and he’d made them with the same bloodless dispassion he’d witnessed from the White Flame and it has mostly served him well.

Still, he’d found himself becoming more and more disillusioned throughout this seemingly endless campaign and even more so since he’d been stuck in this hellish reality of being forced to replay the same day over and over again.

For the first time since he’d been a starving whelp, he’d begun to question his place in it all. He still wanted to find Princess Cirilla, believed in the pit of his bones he was destined to find and rescue her.

At first, it had been with the intention of delivering her to her rightful father, but lately…lately he was no so sure of that. The nightmares and dreams he had of her foretold of a terrible fate if she was delivered to the White Flame’s hands.

He didn’t know why he accepted that so readily but it felt so real and more like a prophetic vision than the troubled nightmares of a troubled mind that now Cahir did not know what he would do when he found Cirilla.

Of course, until he figured out how to break this damned curse, there wasn’t much he could do.

“Do you know how fucking long I have been searching for you? And here you are just eating and wiling away the day like it is nothing.” That familiar pissed off voice dragged him from his maudlin thoughts and Cahir was not surprised. Gallatin had found him in this place more than once.

Maybe a part of him had subconsciously sought out this space because he knew the elf would find him here. Cahir broke half of the pie and held it out to Gallatin without a word.

The black-haired elf’s nostrils flared with irritation and he reached out to grab Cahir’s arm in a tight grip. “Chaos take you, Cahir!”

Cahir could not contain the hiss of pain that escaped him when Gallatin managed to grasp him right over the bandages mostly hidden by his sleeve as pain licked up his arm like fire.

Gallatin was many things, but unobservant wasn’t one of them, and he immediately moved his grip down so that he could catch the man’s wrist in a much gentler touch. It was a minor miracle Cahir managed to keep his grip on the pie. “Do you mind?”

“What have you gotten into now?” The other man demanded as he shoved the man’s sleeve back to reveal the pink-tinged bandage.

“It’s nothing to be concerned with.”

“I’ll be the judge of that, thank you very much.” The elf said tartly and frowned at the bandages.

“It’s a minor injury, and as you can see, it has been addressed adequately.

“What happened Cahir?” There was a strange note in Gallatin’s voice, one which Cahir could not quite parse.

“I’m cursed, I sought out the help of a witch in order to find a way to break said curse.” The brunette finally confessed quietly. “Grab a seat and I’ll explain as best I can.”

By this point, he’d made it an almost artform, explaining to Gallatin the various vagaries and sordid tales of this walking nightmare. By now, he knew what to avoid if he didn’t want to lose control of the situation and what might set the elf off into a questioning tangent.

The first time had taken him the better part of an hour to read Gallatin in, now he’d gotten it down to a tight fifteen minutes. It never ceased to confound him why the elf was willing to accept the truth so easily when those closest to Cahir such as the White Flame doubted it.

He’d asked the elf about it once and got a vague answer about how magic had played such a centralized component in their lives that you just came to accept the impossible as real possibility. And while his people did not general dabble in curses and the darker side of Chaos and that the Aen Elle had been known to dabble in the darker arts.

By the time Cahir was done, Gallatin had finished his half of the pigeon pie without a word and looked vaguely poleaxed by the whole tale.

“And you think this witch is going to be able to conjure a cure for your curse?”

“I hope so, I’ve been doing this for almost six fortnights and have made little progress.”

Gallatin reached out and caught him by the shoulder in a companionable grip. “I’m sorry you have had to go through this, my friend. I hope this witch can help you but I would be lying if I said I wasn’t concerned for you. Trusting your blood and flesh to some unknown witch…do you know the things she could do to you?”

He asked with concern bright in his eyes.

“I do, but even if she curses me with some kind of death curse…chances are I will simply wake up tomorrow free of the curse, and she will have no memory of me or hold any piece of myself she can use to curse me again,” Cahir admitted softly.

“It’s a dangerous game you are playing, Cahir. I will go with you to make sure she does not get any stupid ideas.”

That surprised him because he usually had to warn Gallatin of his impending death to divert the elf from his quest to reach the palace and his inevitable doom. And even then, it was a coin toss on whether or not he could convince him to put aside his overgrown sense of responsibility towards his people to listen to the human.

But Cahir would not look a gift horse in the mouth and nodded gratefully.

“I appreciate your assistance, Gallatin.” Cahir said with honest sincerity before climbing to his feet.

[billhawks]

CALLOUT FOR @inspector-alfendi-layton

Written by Intern, edited by Intern 2

(Edits will be bolded)

Hello everyone. I didn't want to do this, but I'm afraid I have no choice. (Me neither, but I knew you needed all the help you can get.) Ever since Bill's murder, I haven't been able to sleep. Not only did I lose a dear mentor and friend... (sure buddy.) I also had to contend with the thought that his murderer is still out there!

Luckily, I was able to solve this incident. I've compiled enough evidence to show the REAL criminal in this case... and that person IS @inspector-alfendi-layton!

EVIDENCE PART 1: BILL & ALFENDI

Dear readers, I'm sure you were shocked to read that. I was as well when the thought first came to mind. Alfendi Layton is a Scotland Yard officer, and not just any officer, but the son of the prestigious Professor Layton. Why would he ever commit a crime? I mean, a corrupt policeman? Who's ever heard of that?

That brings me to my first piece of evidence. Before Bill... passed... he had actually interacted with Alfendi a few times. They didn't like each other, to say the least. Alfendi first became furious with Bill after an incident in which Bill supposedly made @inspectorgrosky cry...

Alfendi even ENCOURAGED @definitely-future-luke to murder Bill afterwards!

But wait! Alfendi joined Bill's campaign, surely they were on friendly terms? Well, that is true...

But this relationship quickly turned sour, after Alfendi betrayed Bill at the Thames!

*DISCLAIMER: The Hawks team denies any allegations of possible brainwashing*

Not only did Alfendi betray Bill... he would say something interesting afterwards...

Why couldn't he just stay dead?

If Alfendi only made a threat like that once, I would understand not taking it seriously. But this is the SECOND time he expressed a desire for Mr. Hawks to die. He clearly had a motive for murder too: his collapsed alliance with Bill!

EVIDENCE PART 2: BILL & HENRY

Not only did Alfendi have a bad relationship with Bill... his stepfather did as well. Henry and Bill would compete head to head in the first round of the Sexyman tournament:

This created a HUGE rivalry between the two:

(Intern. Do NOT put the naturals pic here. Leave that out I'm begging you.)

Although Alfendi was partnered with Bill during Bill & Henry's poll, he would become closer with his stepfather after the poll closed...

And of COURSE, it was after connecting with his stepfather that Alfendi would continue his... "mission" of sorts.

I'm going to ensure that Hawks can't cause any more trouble than he already has.

Certainly not ominous at all!

BREAK: THE MOTIVE

Therefore, we have not one, not two, but THREE motives for Alfendi!

Bill made @inspectorgrosky cry. After this event, @inspectorgrosky would suspiciously disappear. Alfendi might've blamed this disappearance on Bill.

Alfendi would betray Bill after being sent to rescue someone from the Thames. He clearly felt lots of resentment after leaving the campaign.

After growing closer with Henry, Bill would naturally grow to hate Henry's "rival" even more.

One motive alone may not be enough, but THREE could push even a man like Alfendi to murder.

EVIDENCE PART 3: THE CRIME

Now let's discuss Bill's murder. 3 people saw his body:

@emeerpunchenbaugi

@definitely-future-luke

@billhawksjr (oh my god I'm so sorry Bill Jr you didn't deserve that)

The only things retrieved from the crime scene were the murder weapon, and... the corpse. Oddly enough, the security cameras didn't capture anything.

Hmm. The security cameras didn't capture ANYTHING. You know who has access to the security cameras at a crime scene?

Scotland Yard.

Alfendi could've erased the footage himself while Scotland Yard was investigating. It's the only explanation for why they didn't capture THAT SPECIFIC MOMENT.

Then there's that pipe as well. Unfortunately, some weirdo touched it all up. This could be a coincidence... or a planned coverup.

Allow me to paint my picture of events here:

Alfendi kills Bill with the pipe.

He somehow leaves the pipe so that someone else touches it.

He arrives back to the scene with Scotland Yard.

While with Scotland Yard, Alfendi erases the incriminating footage from the security cameras.

Using his position, Alfendi is able to put the investigation on hold. This is why we've heard viturally nothing else about the crime since that faithful day.

Of course, this could all be wrong. However! That is just one possibility of SEVERAL. As an officer, Alfendi had many ways of covering his crime.

EVIDENCE 4: THE ORB

This is it. Alfendi held one piece of evidence that, without a doubt, sealed his guilt. That evidence being Bill's Tory crystal ball.

I took it back from him myself!

Now, as an unpaid intern working for the Tories, allow me to explain the significance of this evidence to you. To gain such a powerful Tory artifact, you need to spend years working hard and winning polls. Bill himself only received this orb after becoming Prime Minister... they are exceedingly rare. Especially an artifact as powerful as Bill’s. That was how I instantly recognized it!

Now, this goes without saying, but I'll lay it out anyways. If this is an orb ONLY a powerful Tory like Bill could have, and if the only person Alfendi was seen with that could have such an orb WAS BILL...

Well. That has some mighty unsavory connotations, doesn't it? (Can you talk like a normal person PLEASE)

So, to add to my previous picture of events: Alfendi killed Bill, then PILFERED the orb Bill had worked so hard for! (Pilfer? Seriously? God you’re pathetic. I should edit that out but I’m leaving it in.)

If Alfendi didn't kill Bill, why would he have that orb?

CONCLUSION

Hopefully that all made sense. I haven't written a callout post in a while, so I apologize if there are any mistakes.

For the safety of London and Parliament, Alfendi Layton must be caught! He has to be Bill's killer! If anyone out there knows his possible whereabouts, please inform me immediately! @henry-led0re @professor-layton-yaoi

Intern

(Ok. I doubt Intern scrolled this far.)

(Everyone listen to me. Intern is in serious danger. I heard it from the Elders myself… uh, don’t let them know I said that.)

(Weird as Intern is, he doesn’t deserve to die. I tried explaining it to him, but he won’t listen. If someone, ANYONE can somehow convince Intern to go into hiding, he may have a chance.)

(That probably won’t happen though. From what I’ve heard, his death is certain? Not sure how though…)

[amazing-spiderling]

For the ask game: K N O P W X Y Z

K - What character has your favorite development arc/the best development arc?

I think people often overlook how much comic Spider-Gwen grows over the course of her series, but it's one of the reasons I love that run so much. Okay, she's still kind of schlubby and chronically late for things, but in the course of... three years? She does something that Peter Parker took decades to do (and keeps waffling) which is to reveal herself publicly and face the music for any crimes she committed as Spider-Woman (specifically the death of Peter Parker). I think a lot of superhero books are able to keep running on the same drama because they keep letting the hero *just barely* outrun the consequences of their actions, or if they do, they keep going back and forth on who knows their identity etc etc. If being a Spider-Person is about responsibility, I think Gwen really did the best job of stepping up to the plate.

N - Name three things you wish you saw more or in your main fandom (or a fandom of choice).

For Daredevil: Oh man, you don't even know (ok, actually, you specifically probably do know haha) how much I'd like to see more DD crossover with mutant characters, specifically Nightcrawler. I JUST THINK THEY COULD HAVE SOME GOOD CHARACTER BUILDING MOMENTS, and while Nightcrawler is like... a guy pretty much everyone likes, I think he's under utilized in fanfic. HE'S A GOOD DUDE. And boy howdy his recent comic events have made him a very... meaty character. I'm hoping his upcoming stint as Spider-Man gives people more ideas for stuff to do with him.

Maybe comic edits? Serious ones or funny ones. There are some very talented people out there doing neat things with all this classic art and I'm always in awe. I dabble, but struggle a lot with creating wholly new things as opposed to just cleaning up images. I love show edits, but the problem with pretty much any live action media fandom is that you end up seeing the same clips over and over because there's only so much to draw from.

This is a silly one, but people should do more mattfoggy animatics to dialogue from episodes of House. I don't know why the algorithm started pushing clips of that show to me but there have been so many times I was like "is this not just lifted from like... the Bendis run or something?" haha

O - Choose a song at random. Which ship or character does it remind you of?

I went to my 2022 recap and picked the 28th song. It's "I'll Still Have Me" by Cyn which I almost feel is a cheat for me because I'm pretty sure I've put this on prompt lists specifically. This song (about losing your loved one either via death or a relationship that naturally came to its end) is so sweet and sad, and it puts me in mind of Foggy from season 3 of Daredevil when he thinks Matt is dead and is still trying to process it and move on with his life.

P - Invent a random AU for any fandom (we always need more ideas).

Isekai where Foggy gets transported to a magical land where everyone is convinced he's doing to save the kingdom but it's very clear that it's all of his companions (the Defenders etc) who have amazing abilities and he's wondering how he got here and how long he can keep this up.

W - A trope which you are virtually certain to hate in any fandom.

HMM. Hate is a strong word... I just y'know, don't click on things or block the tag but... I usually pass on genderswap fics? Not really out of any strong feelings (I think art can be interesting because I like seeing how costumes are reinterpreted a lot of the time). I just... don't have the interest. One that is sometimes harder to avoid is when someone drops a full ass song into the middle of a fic (a few lines of lyrics are fine) and it doesn't have anything to do with the narrative, the author was just really feeling their girly bop feels that day. It takes me right out of the story and I pass over the lyrics 99.9% of the time.

X - A trope which you are almost certain to love in any fandom.

It's probably because I live in a place that's roughly as hot as the surface of the sun but I go WEAK IN THE KNEES for any story where character A has been in the cold for too long and character B has to help them get warm again. Can be an actual danger-of-hypothermia situation or a "you really thought a snowball fight was a good idea" situation, it's all good.

Y - What are your secondhand fandoms (i.e., fandoms you aren’t in personally but are tangentially familiar with because your friends/people on your dash are in them)?

I will send my memes friends for Hannibal, Stranger Things (which I watched and enjoyed, I'm just not in the fandom for it) and the occasional DC property. Things I know just enough about to go "oh that's a funny one".

Z - Just ramble about something fan-related, go go go! (Prompts optional but encouraged.)

This is silly, but I'm so happy so many buddies are jumping on the Spider-Gwen panel redraw! It's fun to see how people's styles vary and what techniques they use to get a desired effect. Kind of feels like I'm back in art class and twenty kids are drawing the same bowl of fruit, y'know?

[gonna-need-you-to-not]

Supernatural Season 12 rewatch thoughts...

Okay so we all know that my main problem is that I just can't get past everyone's terrible English accent but we'll put that aside for now

I enjoyed Rick Springfield, though I know many didn't

They shouldn't have put in that weird dub of Cas saying hey assbut again though

Sorry to be a bitch but The One You've Been Waiting For was ruined by Gil Darnell. I've never seen him in anything else so he might be good elsewhere but he really wasn't in this. The ep was far-fetched just like all the Thule stuff but they could've got away with it if he'd delivered a different performance imho

Alicia Witt killed it in Lily Sunder, so did Ian Tracey

I liked the secret service terrorism investigation guys

I don't buy Billie being so immediately happy about taking Mary. She made it clear she wanted Dean or Sam, I feel like she could've at least thought about it for a second or two before agreeing

Regarding Dean is such a good ep, and JA was just wonderful in it, but why did we need Dean fooling around with a woman who looked 22 max

Something about Stuck in the Middle falls flat with me and I don't know what it is, though I do appreciate Speight's commitment to going off-piste, and all his shenanigans in the editing suite

Why did David Hadyn Jones have so much foundation on

Absolutely thrilled to see Eileen again and I love how happy she made my best friend Sam

I know I wasn't going to mention it, but just real quick - NO ONE IN ENGLAND TALKS LIKE THAT I PROMISE YOU EVEN THE REALLY POSH ONES okay thanks

This whole BMOL murdery boarding school thing wound me up like wtf and also having Hess say things like 'mangy colonials' honestly why do you hate English people when Mark Sheppard has been so good to you

Nothing against the guy but I just don't like DHJ as Ketch and I really did try. They set the character up to be so scary and cold and then they let this man caricature-James-Bond his way through the season and it's frustrating

Speaking of caricatures, we really really really don't need to put a cup of tea in the hand of every English character. Please fuck off with that (picks up tea)

The sheriff with his taxidermy squirrel did NOT get enough love, what an icon

The waitress Dean slept with looks like Alona Tal and I'd like to know if that was intentional, and also please look at this for some top drawer analysis on that whole mess

I know the Destiel community love the whole mixtape thing but to this day I have no idea what the point of that moment was. Cas could've gone into Dean's room to talk, or just waited til he wasn't in there to look for the Colt, I just don't get why the zep cassette

Cas really was a hot mess in this season, he was all over the shop

Explain to me again how Ketch is able to control a Hell Hound??????

The back and forth between Lucifer and Crowley got a bit tiresome but I think both Marks did the best they could with slightly worn material

Still livid that they killed Eileen

The writers really did JP dirty by giving him a half-baked Braveheart speech and then having JA steal the frickin episode with his "I hate you and I love you" emotional monologue to Mary

I do enjoy the way Mark Pellegrino says Castiel (Cast-chell). Lucifer will pronounce your name however he likes

In conclusion I watched this season again to check if I'd misjudged it the first time round, but turns out I do in fact mostly hate it

[umbra-borealis]

This hit me on a deep, deep personal level, so I'm here to prove a point to the person asking that you can in fact admit that a game or other thing of media has flaws/is not perfect and *still* have a great time or have it mean a lot to you.

SMALL EDIT, put the whole shebang under a read more for those who need to be reminded that it's okay to like things. I went and weeded through this person's absolutely batshit, unhinged responses and I respectfully suggest everyone just block em because h o l y s h i t.

And hey doubleamr9, if you're reading this. I either tip mine hat to you for the commitment to the bit, or hope you get the help you need. Because by acting like a total callous buffoon I have already seen people go 'sigh, sonic fans :/' and that's not because of the games at all, that's because this kinda tomfoolery is making us look bad. GG mate, congration u done it.

Closing words:

Shadow the Hedgehog was a game I was only able to play at my big brother's, shortly before his abusive wife isolated him from my family and I hadn't seen him in YEARS. That game is associated with very happy memories which for a time was all I had of him. I don't care if anyone thinks it's 'bad' but if you have the nerve to shit on it around me we cannot be friends.

Sonic Forces, another game people love to shit one, literally is the reason I'm here today. I was in such a dark place at the point before it's release I legit thought about exiting the server of life. I hung on because my old childhood interest, Sonic, was coming out with a new game and a child who had a very traumatic childhood I had *one* dream. I legit hoped and prayed for Sonic to be real. I do not care *one bit* if people think that is cringe because I was like 5 years old and if anything it is profoundly sad that a 5 year old has to wish for a blue hedgehog to be real instead of being able to rely on their family for love an attention. So while folks saw a 'deviantart simulator' with 'cringe OCs' what I saw was my dream getting the closest thing to being real I could ever hope for. I made a cute lil hedgehog version of me, watched the characters banter with him and by the end of it when Sonic looks into the camera and calls 'me' his buddy, I sobbed.

I'm sure it's not at all that deep for other people but it is for me. It's the *context* that gave it meaning, that made me feel 'wow, this game is special to me, I don't understand why people hate it THAT much, it's not THAT bad.' but that's probably because their experience is vastly different from mine.

If you have a deep seething hatred for the Sonic games you think are 'bad' then first off that is no way to spend your time and energy and I highly suggest you look into ways to change that mindset and if that fails please make an effort to see the reality that no one experience is universal. What you think is bad or cringe could be very, very dear to someone and for you to come in unprompted and say "That's a bad game and makes us look bad" is incredibly hurtful. And let me be very clear and say that it's okay to not like stuff but it's about how you word it that changes a fine opinion to have, to just being rude out of the blue when nobody asked. When I see you talking about life having taught you to avoid anything 'bad or cringe' that's something YOU were taught and kinda concerns me, because I tried that for a while and it made me MISERABLE. Perfectionism can be incredibly toxic and you need people, not just fans but also devs, writers, etc. to be allowed to make mistakes, to take risks and see if they stick because we're supposed to learn from those thngs.

Cringe however, is something defined soley by *you*. It is soley a *you* problem. Nobody can help you when *you* cringe at something and it certainly isn't anyone's responsibility but your own to make sure you don't cringe at something. I highly suggest you reflect on all that to some degree, idk if I made a lot of sense but I took this personally. TLDR: I thought you ask was a pretty rude thing to say to an industry professional, could potentially scare the shit out of fledgling fans who want to write their own stories if they're going to be held to such high standards as yours, and all around felt like I should lay down a reality check for anyone reading this that no one experience is universal and if you think something sucks but you see someone else say 'I loved it' then maybe it's not their opinion that's incorrect but your kneejerk negative response to that opinion that needs some work. Because that aint healthy, not for you and not for those around you-

ACTUALLY I don't think OP will give two shits and a dime if this is a real thing that happened but your honor I rest my case this is the most delulu thing I've seen in a while and I am concerned.

Can you and the rest of the staff stop making references to the bad games like Shadow, 2006, Black Knight and Forces? This franchise needs to be better, and that can’t happen if critics are constantly reminded of this franchise’s miserable failures.

"Bad" is a relative term. I have a close friend whose favorite game in the whole series is Shadow TH; it was there for them at an important time, and brought immense comfort and strength. Sonic '06 gave me my favorite Sonic character, Silver, who was central to me figuring myself out as I came of age. Black Knight tells one of my favorite Sonic stories, and I can't describe the excitement I felt when I heard a traditional English folk song, one I had been learning in my studies of Celtic music and loved dearly, used in-game. We wouldn't have Whisper the Wolf without Forces. And beyond me and mine, there are countless fans finding wonder and meaning in every single Sonic game, despite their flaws. While I agree that self-reflection and critique is essential to any creative endeavor, it can be done without shame. I would never choose to deny the recognition and celebration of their joy, or ignore the beauty to be found in the imperfect.

Assigning too much value to the judgement of others is self-destructive. Sonic fans don't need the Sonic series to be "good" or "respectable" to love themselves, because they are human beings whose worth is infinitely greater than a video game's metacritic score. Be cringe, be free.

[sethshead]

"Our Milwaukee store, all ready for Conventioneers!

"$50 Gift Cards just $35 because Republican Racism.

"Through the end of the day Sunday, July 14, $50 Penzeys Gift Cards for just $35, mainly just so you can support us. These are forever gift cards with no fees or expiration dates.

"Of all the offers we do, this is the one that gets today’s Republicans most upset. In the long run this really is your chance to get a better deal on the next spices you purchase or to be able to gift someone in your life the choice of even more tasty spices and seasonings.

"But short run, in this moment you really are just giving us money because we are being honest about the threat the Republican party has become, and that doesn’t sit well with them.

"I’ve read through thousands of angry Republican comments from the previous times we’ve made our gift card offers. I think what upsets them most is that this offer is the writing on the wall. That people will monetarily support the opposite of what they are doing is the inevitable future their ideas face.

"It’s like they know their demographic of anger towards those not like them has already passed. If the flowers at the feet of statues of confederate generals are still to be tended by the children of a post-white majority America, they know they need to use this last chance at power and control they have to forever rewrite reality.

"In the time they have left they are desperate to build a future where racism isn’t racism. Where hate isn’t hate if it’s directed at women. Where cruelty isn’t cruelty if it’s directed at the LGBTQ+ community. To get there they have to do a whole lot of gaslighting. Us being us outshines their gaslight.

"And we are committed to using your support to amplify our voice. There was a time eight years ago when a post about the racism of electing a 'textbook' racist president could reach five million people without a penny spent. Those days are passed. It takes money to reach people. With your support we will spend that money.

"With the Republican convention coming to our hometown of Milwaukee and our store at downtown Milwaukee’s main intersection of Water St. and Wisconsin Ave. we are committed to, every day of the convention, posting a Postcard from Milwaukee to counter the damage their anger does with the healing, and kindness, and caring for all that is at the heart of cooking.

"Our plan is, for each gift card sold this weekend, we will commit $10 to promoting our Postcards from Milwaukee posts. So you supporting us directly supports the words this time needs reaching more people.

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"Plus, with any purchase a free $2.49 50th Anniversary edition Twilight’s Last Gleaming? Penzeys Revolution seasoning. So awesome for cauliflower, chicken, hummus, burgers, tofu, pretty much anything. Please share your Revolution favorites and tips in the comments.

"And yes, Welcome Future Fake Electors : )

"There are Republican voters who are decent people but simply out of touch with what the party has become. Those who have risen to the rank of delegate in the party aren’t those voters.

"The delegates know they are here to take women’s rights, deny Black history, be cruel to transgender kids, and free the fossil fuel industry from any regulation that would prevent them from ending our environment.

"Plus, they all know that January 6 was real and it was their party’s leaders who led it and they are just fine with that. These people would end our democracy given the chance. We can’t give them that chance.

"Support us and we will do our best to make you proud.

"$50 Gift Cards just $35: https://www.penzeys.com/.../special.../c-24/p-3129/pd-s

"Thanks for helping us be us,

"Bill

"bill@penzeys.com"

h/t Penzeys Spices

From your lips…

[nomsfaultau]

Daily ask №28 (3 WEEK ANNIVERSARY WOO)

Writing edition!

1. Do you have a writing routine? And by that I mean, do you have a separate time to write in the day? Do you just do it when the inspiration strikes?

2. Where do you usually write? And by that I mean, if you're not at work so you get the chance to choose where to write, where do you do it? So places like bed, the desk, the garden maybe, etc. etc.

3. How do you find the inspiration to write? Pinterest, music, other art, talking to friends, etc.

4. What does your writing process usually look like? I've heard you mention that you don't write linearly, but what about besides that? How do you immerse yourself back into the story? Basically this is a place to ramble about anything and everything about how you write.

5. If you had an opportunity to say something to all of the beginner writers, what would it be? Advice, I mean. Do not ponder on how exactly would you be able to say something to every single writer at once and what the qualifications of a beginner writer are. I'm sure you could find a way to conquer the world with this if I don't tell you not to.

+ a bonus question

6. How the hell do you manage to stay consistent while writing non-linearly

5. Don't make writing not fun.

I see this so much! Memes about how writers hate writing, or people beating themselves up over not writing 'enough'. And I think the moment you introduce shame and guilt into a hobby, you're not really going to want to do it anymore. That's not to say that controlling your emotions is easy, it's hard as hell, but I often see writers beating themselves up over writing in a way that's only going to discourage them from writing, from improving, from finding joy in the act of creation. Stuff like guilt over failing to meet self imposed writing schedules. Staring down blank docs and blinking cursors because they're trying to force an idea that hasn't had time to germinate. So much of writing is SUPPOSED to be thinking about writing since that's how you refine thoughts into sentences, and yet I so often see people angry with themselves about it! Feeling guilty for the dozens of ideas they start and the zero they finish, or the zero they even write down. As if they weren't constantly learning through trial and error, and chasing passion and creativity, and having fun daydreaming new stories. Often writing is treated as this herculean task, painful and miserable and you're a stupid awful person if you're not writing masterpieces every single day on the first go (or on the 20th, or ever at all).

And just...if it's not bringing you joy, why are you forcing yourself to do it?

Legitimately, there tons of valid reasons to write, like wanting validation or connection to others or wrestling with ideas or needing money or whatever. But forcing yourself to write is only going to make writing seem hard, make you feel bad, make it harder to want to write. It's a cycle that fuels itself. I don't care if you write a million or zero words, if you write the story that changes the world or a story that's bad and cringe and trashy; I care if you're happy.

Again, it's purely my perspective as a hobby writer. I'm sure it's very different for people trying to pay the bills who do have those deadlines and commitments. But writing is a very slow process mostly about thinking, and running through a scene over and over, and writing 1 word for every 100 you daydream. And I see so many new writers make the mistake of assuming writing is only the exact moment they're putting words on a page. It's utterly tragic how many beat themselves up for natural parts of the process and burnout their passion by entertaining shame and guilt about not writing 'enough'.

Also don't delete anything ever. Toss that bad boy in a separate file called 'deleted (story name)' or whatever. You don't have to kill your darlings, just put them in a retirement home.

1.I kinda just go for it when I feel like it, though occasionally might set little times out for it, like twenty minutes before I get ready in the morning, or to do a little bit on lunch break/on the clock. But I don’t put pressure on maintaining a schedule like that, because I feel like your best writing will always be when you’re excited to do it, and forcing a schedule and likely failing to commit to it seems like an easy way to introduce shame and guilt about writing when life inevitably gets in the way. Sometimes this means I don’t write much some weeks, but I’m at peace with that because hey maybe I was busy or didn’t feel well. And other times this means writing while I’m walking places or scribbling ideas and dialogue into the margins of notes.

2.I write most frequently in my bed bc comfyyy. Pile up a bunch of pillows, put on some music, eat some candy, etc. I usually find it a bit harder when other people are around.

3.Uh. Hm. Sometimes it’s another piece of art, like one picture of someone else’s scp clingy duo snow balling into Fault, or the first chapter of CleanLennin’s fic Cribbed (and a week of insomnia) kickstarting Mandatory Family Reunion. Little sparks that get out of hand. Some of them are from dreams, like Lighting Lanterns.. and I think Lord what fools.. started as dreams. Golden Apples.. was from a transition smear frame for an animatic I never made for a song I don’t remember. And the rest I have genuinely no idea. A story doesn’t come all at once, but develops over time with millions of inspirations all woven together.

4. Often my stories starts with a scene. Maybe a dialogue between two nebulous people, or an action unfolding. With Fault it was them breaching the Foundation, with Mandatory Family Reunion a small scene wherein Techno wakes up chained to a bed and swears to Phil he’ll stay if his parents are let go. And then I ask two very simple questions: how did we get here? And what happens next? I go back first, try to figure out what explains the dynamics between characters, what their goals are, why this scene played out the way it did, what context gives the full weight of the emotions in the scene. With Fault this meant I went back ~150k words from that scene in order to fully answer the question. And that scene will change! It will bend and it will break, and it may not even be important in the grand scheme of the piece! It is simply the starting point from which my imagination will stretch both forward and backward in the time line, plotting out chains of cause and effect. I jot that all down into a proper outline (re: shoddy awful one). Then just pick whatever sounds fun to write at that moment and eventually link together all the little points by pushing both forward and backwards until they all link up.

Since the plot is generated from character responses, usually on a more granular level it's a question of how they get to that response. It's all rather flexible, because at times once fully fleshed out there might be motivations not initially planned for or old dynamics that don't account for events that were added. As for an individual scene, I rotate it in my head for awhile, figure out the tone, think through how the characters are acting and reacting in a way that upholds the over all direction that the bigger timeline is pulling towards. I try to imagine what surrounds characters, what their facial reactions are, how I would draw it.

Next I want to be in the head of the POV. Which is honestly why I head hop so much, because when deciding a character's reaction I'm asking what they're thinking, and often I feel like the reader might want to know that too. I tend to get very deep into character's emotions, to the point I get physical symptoms of those emotions (tightening throat, chills, twisting gut etc). Which while it helps for descriptions and understanding how those emotions shape the character's thoughts and actions, it can at times be very hard emotionally and means I have to take a break on a scene. I'm not here to be a tortured artist, only to torture blorbos!

6. It helps that I have an extremely good memory. Plus a planned out yet flexible timeline, which I understand not all writers go for. I've usually imagined the chain of character responses/actions months or years ago which is then updated for new details that developed. And yeah, sometimes this does mean discarding scenes or heavily re writing them to account for unexpected elements/themes that developed.

Also rereading sections to keep consistent details/motivations/tone is a great way to edit. Kinda a 2 birds with one stone thing.