#I hate burnout so I do this to pass the time
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I barely post anything on social media, so as an apology, take some of these critters I brew up while I am bored, hope this makes up for it.
+ uncolored ones
#creature concept#creature design#speculative biology#monster design#creature#monster#original species#is this too many tags?#idk#I hate burnout so I do this to pass the time#bogleech#i know yall would like these
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I SWEAR I KEEP TRYING TO DO ART BUT THEN SOMETHING GETS IN THE WAY AND THEN I PROCRASTINATE AND THEN SIX MONTHS PASS
#this has been happening for like TWO YEARS BUT I SWEAR TO GOD I AM TRYING.#my usual art motivation (my webcomic idea) has been put on hold for a bit and because of that i forgort... everything#my will to draw specifically#but in my defense i have been writing k*arlach / oc indulgences and i've been VERY focused on finishing it#i also got a marketing manager (my friend <3) to help with advertising my comms and stuff so uh... look forward 2 that#i might need to start posting all of my art on a sideblog so she doesn't have to log into my main though#so there might be some changes#but i promise i want to do art!!!! but there's always something to do first and then months pass :(#or i get the urge to draw and then life is like ''have a cancer scare'' lmao...#(ended up being cancerous actually </3 but because it's skin stuff it was easy to remove)#(but that really took the piss out of me for most of july... not to mention that ffxiv released a new expansion and i have been...#having a good time with my new friends doing content and stuff!) i also made a friend irl after like 3-4 years of total isolation#we feed ants and watch them move around together and comment on their behaviour patterns...#but like when i say this takes literal hours.#we just sit out there and talk about random shit and watch ants walk across the floor. both of us hate ants btw.#like we don't like having them ON us so it's a bit like playing with fire.#but anyways yeah i've also been really low energy recently too bc of the heat and burnout from college...#but the good news is that i'm transferring in fall to a much more relaxing college & courseload!#i'm hoping it'll stop me from feeling so... awful ?? i guess ??#like i was taking classes i didn't need to that were really difficult & punishing#not to mention extremely boring & hard to pay attention to when dealing with literally anything. i did not want to be there.#my next college is much more interest-oriented so i will finally be able to take classes i want to and learn from them...!#and then maybe i will feel a bit more in control of my life / more encouraged to draw#anyways thank u for reading my ramble. hoping it all comes together soon.#i need to do a lot of work but most of it is so i can sell commissions again#but once the karlach fic is done we're so back on the webcomic train !!!!!!!!
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WHUMPTOBER 2024: PROMPTS LIST
Welcome to Whumptober 2024 — Seventh Time's a Charm!
Please make sure to read the Event Info and FAQ below carefully, as most of your questions will be answered there already. For everything else, you are welcome to come to our ask box or ask questions in our Discord server here.
This year’s AO3 Collection can be found here.
This year's playlist can be found here.
The 'Anatomy of a Whumptober Prompt' post can be found here.
And our 'Resources for Writing Sensitive Topics' post is here.
We’re very excited to see the community come together for another year of Whumptober! Go wild with the prompts, and support your fellow creators - we wish you all the fun!
Best of luck and happy whumping,
Mods Vanne, Yenn, Kitty and Surro
(Text versions of the prompts, as well as event information, rules and FAQ are posted below the cut!)
Whumptober 2024 Prompt List
No. 1: RACE AGAINST THE CLOCK
Search Party | Panic Attack | "If only we could hold on.��� (Icysami x Renegaderr, Strangers.)
No. 2: TRUST ISSUES
Amusement Park | Role Reversal | “You got away with the crime while the knife's in my back.” (Charlotte Sands, Rollercoaster)
No. 3: SET UP FOR FAILURE
Fingerprints | Wrongfully Arrested | "I warned you."
No. 4: HALLUCINATIONS
Hypnosis | Sensory Deprivation | “You're still alive in my head.” (Billy Lockett, More)
No. 5: SUNBURN
Healing Salve | Heatstroke | "If my pain will stretch that far." (Lottery Winners, Burning House)
No. 6: NOT REALISING THEY'RE INJURED
Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms | Healed Wrong | "It's not my blood."
No. 7: ONLY FOR EMERGENCIES
Unconventional Weapon | Magic with a Cost | "It's us or them."
No. 8: SLEEP DEPRIVATION
Isolation Chamber | Forced to Stay Awake | "Leave the lights on." (Coldplay, Midnight)
No. 9: OBSESSION
Broken Window | Bruises | “Frame me up on the wall, just to keep me out of trouble.” (Fall Out Boy, Irresistible)
No. 10: BLOW TO THE HEAD
Slurred Words | Passing Out from Pain | "I can't think straight."
No. 11: SEEING DOUBLE
Convenience Store | Loneliness | “Leave no trace behind, like you don't even exist.” (Taylor Swift, Illicit Affairs)
No. 12: STARVATION
Underground Caverns | Cannibalism | "Just a little more."
No. 13: TEAM AS A FAMILY
Familial Curse | Multiple Whumpees | "Death will do us part." (Set It Off, Partner's In Crime)
No. 14: LEFT FOR DEAD
Hunting Gear | Blackmail | “Because I want you to know what it feels like to be haunted” (tiLLie, kooL aiD mAn)
No. 15: CHILDHOOD TRAUMA
Painful Hug | Moment of Clarity | "I did good, right?"
No. 16: NECROSIS
Swamp | Wound Cleaning | "No, I can't feel anything."
No. 17: NOWHERE ELSE TO GO
Ruined Map | Shipwrecked | "We had a good run."
No. 18: REVENGE
Unreliable Narrator | Loss of Identity | “I see what's mine and take it.” (Panic! at the Disco, Emperor's New Clothes)
No. 19: BLOOD TRAIL
Abandoned Cabin | One Way Out | "Is there anybody alive out there?" (Bruce Springsteen, Radio Nowhere)
No. 20: EMOTIONAL ANGST
Shoulder to Cry On | Giving Permission to Die | "It's not your fault."
No. 21: BODY HORROR
Body Horror | Tattoo Gun | Spirit Possession | “Let the bedsheet soak up the tears.” (Apparat feat. Soap & Skin, Goodbye)
No. 22: BLEEDING THROUGH BANDAGES
Tourniquet | Reopening Wounds | "Oh that's not good."
No. 23: FORCED CHOICE
Public Display | Broken Pedestal | "I'm doing this for you."
No. 24: RADIATION POISONING
Collapsed Building | Equipment Failure | “I never knew daylight could be so violent.” (Florence + The Machine, No Light, No Light)
No. 25: SURGERY
Stitches | Being Monitored | "It's for your own good."
No. 26: NIGHTMARES
Breakfast Table | Parting Words of Regret | “I'm haunted by the lies that I have loved, the actions I have hated.” (Poe, Haunted)
No. 27: VOICELESS
Laboratory | Muzzled | “I have no mouth and I must scream.”
No. 28: DENIAL
CCTV | Exposure | "They caught me red handed."
No. 29: FATIGUE
Labyrinth | Burnout | "Who said you could rest?"
No. 30: RECOVERY
Hospital Bed | Holding Back Tears | "What have I done?"
No. 31: ASKING FOR HELP
Therapy | Making Amends | "I'm alive, I'm just not well." (Elliot Lee, Alive, Not Well.)
Alternatives List:
Body Swap
Communication Barrier
Finding Old Messages
Forgotten
Friendly Fire
Motion Sickness
No-Holds-Barred Beatdown
Regret
Secrets Revealed
Shivering
Survivor's Guilt
Time Loop
Used As Bait
Venom
Vermin
Event Info & Rules
WHUMPTOBER is a month-long, prompt-based creation challenge (think: Inktober, but whumpier). There are 31 official themes this year - one for each day of the month - which can be used, skipped, or combined in any way you’d like. They are meant to serve as inspiration without being taken literally (e.g. you don’t have to include the exact wording of prompts into your work). Feel free to run rampant on interpretation. For example, if the prompt is “flame", you could create something with reference to a candle/campfire, your character could have suffered a burn, or the flame could be a reference to an ‘old flame’ - an old relationship. It’s truly down to you!
In total, there are 4 prompts for each day. These are optional suggestions and can be used in conjunction with the theme, or as options/alternatives. We want to give everyone as much creative freedom as possible, as well as increase event accessibility for folks with triggers and squicks. There is also a list of 15 alternative prompts that can be subbed in for any day, again to give participants as much creative freedom as possible.
Creators can PRODUCE work in any media they choose, including but not limited to: writing, visual artwork, photo/video/audio edits, paper crafts and elaborate recommendation lists (not just a list of links). Creators can PARTICIPATE as much or as little as they want (i.e. you don’t have to do ALL the prompts if you don’t want to) and prompts can be used in any order. They are also free to use even after the event ends.
When uploading Whumptober content to your blog, be sure to tag it with:
#whumptober2024 …..(the event tag)
#no.1, #no.2, #no.3, …..(theme number)
#bruises, #stabbing, …..(the theme or specific prompt you chose)
#altprompt …..(if you use an altprompt, tag the post with the number of the prompt you replace)
#fandom or #OC, …..(ironman, original content, oc, etc.)
#medium …..(gifs, fic, podcast, art, etc.)
#teeth, #etc …..(trigger warnings & any additional tags. Keep in mind not to add “tw” in front but only use the word/trigger itself)
#nsfwhump …..(only for nsfw content)
#your own tags go here
PLEASE BE DILIGENT WITH YOUR TAGGING. Only properly tagged posts are considered for archiving on the official @whumptober-archive blog. They must be tagged in the order above. An elaborate post about our tagging system can be found [here]
Unfortunately, due to the sheer number of participants in recent years, we cannot guarantee your work will be archived. A random selection of properly tagged posts from all genres will be reblogged each day.
Whumpers who produce content for 31 total theme days are considered event completionists and will be tagged in a masterpost at the end of the month. A form will be published at the beginning of November asking you to tell us if you completed. This is based on trust and we will not check this.
Frequently Asked Questions
Please read this before you send an ask!
TIMELINE
July: Trope voting form released. Late August: Prompt list is released for at least four weeks of preparation time. Tropes cannot be posted earlier than August 25th because of Moderator obligations in real life. (But, you know, go ahead and start writing/drawing, and add the themes in later, if you want!) September: Do as much or as little on your works as you want. You can prepare everything in advance or let September go by with vibes and start working in October. It’s up to you. October 1st: Challenge begins! A storm of whump breaks upon us all! During this time, some posts will be reblogged to the whumptober archive blog. We open the yearly AO3 collection for posting (optional). November 1st: The challenge is officially over! Completionist form opens for those who want to be included in the hall-of-fame. Early November: We release completionist and participant badges, solicit feedback, and post a hall-of-fame list of completionists by the 10th.
PARTICIPATION AND COMPLETION
Q: What counts as participation? Create or continue at least one work inspired by one of this year’s prompts. Q: What counts as completion? Creating work(s) inspired by at least one prompt from each day (or alts), for a total of 31 unique prompts. Q: Do I need to create 31 works? No. You can, if you want. Or you can create one work that you add to every day with a new prompt. Or several works that combine prompts. You can also update an existing work by adding new material with the current prompts. Q: Do I need to post my works somewhere to be a completionist or a participant? No. Q: How do you know I actually completed the challenge? We’ll take your word for it! Q: Do I have to finish my work(s) to be a completionist? No, you can post WIPs. And you’re not obligated to finish them in October, but if you want it to count towards being a completionist, you must have completed 31 prompts by the end of the month. So for example, if you’re writing a long fic and you fit 31 different prompts into the writing you did in October, it’s okay if that fic isn’t finished by the time October ends, you’ll still be a completionist. Q: Is co-writing/illustrating allowed? Yes, absolutely, and it would count towards being a completionist for both/all of you. Q: Is there a min/max limit on word count for written works? No. Q: Is there a min/max limit of quality for art? No. Q: Do I have to do something each day to be a completionist? No. You can skip days whenever you want, and as long as 31 daily prompts (or alts) are in your works done in October, you can be a completionist. For example, if you wrote a 1000-word ficlet that covers prompts in days 2, 3, and 17, you can check all three days off your list even though it’s only one work. Q: Is this challenge just for fics? No! Artworks, GIFsets, headcannons, rec lists, poetry, moodboards, or any other creative work is encouraged. Q: Can I combine Whumptober with other creation challenges? Absolutely, as long as the other challenges allow it too.
PROMPTS
Q: How do the prompts work? There are FOUR prompts per day: a theme and three ideas. You can use one, two, three, or all four prompts for each day. If you don’t like any of the daily prompts, you can substitute one of the ALT prompts instead. Q: How strictly/literally should we interpret the prompts? As literally or as figuratively as you want. For example, if the theme is WATER, that could mean drowning, waterboarding, raining, swimming, take place underwater, be lost at sea, construct a metaphor about a character’s mood that changes like a flowing river, crying, or whatever else you can think of that fits that theme. Q: Can I combine prompts? Is there a limit on how many? No limit and combine as many as you’d like. If you create a work that checks off multiple prompts, that work will count for a fill of multiple prompts. You need to address 31 different prompts to be an official completionist, but you don’t have to produce 31 separate works.
WORKS
Q: What’s whump? Hurting a character, whether that’s physically, emotionally, intellectually, psychologically, or any other way you can think of. Comfort afterwards is optional. Angst is emotional whump, so it counts. Q: How do I know if it’s whumpy enough? If your character is just mildly inconvenienced, it probably needs more whump. However, no participant has to prove whumpiness to the mods. Whatever you write is up to you. Q: What kind of characters can I create for? Anything. Generic “whumpee,” OC, PC, NPC, major characters, minor characters, or whatever you want. There are no limits. Q: Does it have to take place in a specific fandom? No, you can create works for your own worlds or for fandoms or for both. You can also create more generic or pan-fandom works. You can do cross-overs or use OCs, whatever you want. Q: Can I create AI-created works? We will not reblog or promote any works we know to be generative AI-created. Q: Is there anything we’re not allowed to write? As long as it contains whump and is based on our prompts, it’s fine. Please courtesy tag your works if you post them so people who follow the #whumptober2024 tag can filter according to their preferences. Q: What about sex, minor characters, and potentially disturbing content? You can create whatever works are legal in your country and post them accordingly. Please courtesy tag anything you think might be objectionable if you post to Tumblr so people who follow the #whumptober2024 tag can filter according to their preferences.
POSTING
Q: Where can I post my work? Post where and how you want. You don’t even have to (cross)post it to Tumblr. Just keep in mind if it’s not on Tumblr we will not be able to add it to the blog archive. There is an AO3 archive for Whumptober 2024, as well as the parent collection for works completed outside of the event. Q: Can I start posting early? You can, but this is an October event and wouldn’t it be more fun with everyone doing it at the same time? We won’t be reblogging any work predating October 1st. Q: Can I post late? Yes. For the sake of our hardworking Post Fairies, only a day’s themes will be reblogged to @whumptober-archive each day of October. But you can post whenever. Some of us are still working on and posting Whumptober fics from years ago. Q: Do I have to use your tags? Only on Tumblr and only if you want us to reblog your work on @whumptober-archive. Q: How do I have my works reblogged to the archive? Properly tagged posts will be reblogged to @whumptober-archive. If you want the official archive blog to reblog you, post on Tumblr and tag correctly (see this FAQ link for more info on tagging). Please note not all posts will be reblogged each day. Q: Can we @ you? For questions and comments, of course. We’ll be getting a flood of notifications, so if you really want us to see something send an ask. Q: Can I cross post on other blogs? Yes, multiple platforms and blogs are perfectly acceptable, as long as they allow cross-posting (to us). You can also post different works to different accounts under different names, without posting them everywhere at once. If you post some works under your main and others under an alt blog, that’s fine for completionist purposes. Q: Can I upload/repost my Whumptober content to other social media platforms? Of course! We’ve created an AO3 Collection to archive any fics posted there, which can be found here. The blog is the official archive, so please respect the personal boundaries of any whumpers in your social circle (don’t out anyone as a participant who would prefer not to be outed).
Most importantly, have fun, create, and enjoy all the whump posted this October!
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A Package Deal - Part 2
In which something a little more serious and a lot more meaningful than either of you anticipated starts to blossom between you and your curly haired crush.
Warnings: nothing, this is so tooth achingly fluffy, you may need a trip to the dentist afterwards. Pairing: Lando x SingleMom!Reader Word Count: 5.3k (oops)
Master List
(quick note in case anyone is paying super close attention. i switched the job reader has at McLaren to fit this bit of plot in. I think switched all mentions over in part one, but just in case you notice the different job title, that was on purpose :) )
yourusername (private) posted:
110 likes liked by landonorris, BFFSarah, coworkerMolly, and others yourusername scenes from the longest winter break ever landonorris is Stella baking me more cookies??? >>>yourusername she gave all gingerbread men mullets 'just like lando', what do you think? >>>landonorris thats my girl!! coworkerMolly that skirt on you is INSANE btw >>>yourusername ;)
The holidays slip away in a blur of presents and hot cocoa dates with Stella so fast that before you know it, school is beginning again and you're forced back into the office on a regular basis. With the way the holidays fell this year, you ended up taking nearly two weeks of annual leave between Christmas and New Years and while you appreciated the time off to reset and battle burnout your job inevitably brought on, by the time you dropped Stella off at school that first morning, you were near ecstatic with relief.
You didn't want to admit it to anyone, not even barely to yourself, but you also had missed Lando. He'd spent Christmas at his parents for a few days before jetting off to somewhere gorgeous and warm with his friends and while he texted you near constantly, you often found yourself wondering what he was doing. You hated how much you looked forward to the chime on your phone alerting you to a new text but even more, you hated how much your heart stuttered in your chest every time you saw it was his name that was lighting up your phone.
You had told Sarah about running into Lando at Harrods that Saturday and then made the mistake of telling her that he had bought the booster seat (downright refusing to allow you to even split the cost it with him) and driven you home. She had grinned like a cat with warm milk, saying she knew something was going on but was wildly excited when you told her about the drive home.
Like you had predicted, Stella had been fast asleep by the time Lando had merged onto the freeway. She had stayed sound asleep even after you had reached your house, Lando allowing his Range Rover to idle for nearly twenty minutes in your driveway as you chatted. The conversation was quiet, neither of you wanting to wake a sleeping Stella but it flowed as easily as champagne on New Years Eve.
As you sat in the passengers seat of the SUV you couldn't help the way your mind wandered into the 'what ifs' of what was happening here. What if everything hadn't been ruined the moment Lando found out that Stella was yours? What if that, despite everything being against you, this was the time it all worked out. They were dangerous thoughts, especially for a single mom who couldn't allow her heart to be compromised. There was another heart that had to be taken into consideration: Stella's fragile six year old heart. So when Lando had started allowing his gaze to wander down to your lips and leaning almost imperceptably closer towards you with each passing moment, you had ignored his advances. You didn't want to, but you were scared. The what if's scared you but the what ifs not working out scared you even more.
You had slipped out of the car before anything could happen, thankful for the fact that Stella began to finally stir after nearly 30 minutes of you and Lando talking.
After that night, the texting had started and while Lando hadn't visted the MTC since, he had made a point to check in with you a few times each day. He didn't want to get ahead of himself, reminding himself of how you had ever so subtly rejected his advances the night he had taken you and Stella home.
As he had been analyzing the evening the next day with Max, his best friend had all but warned him off of you. 'Being with a single mom is a challenge that I don't think you're up for, mate.' Had been his warning, a warning that Lando had so far, chosen to ignore. He knew it was kind of a crazy thing to consider, especially with the lifestyle that he had become accustomed to over the last few years, but there was something magnetic about you. The way you sacrificed everything in order to make sure Stella was taken care of. The way you took on everything solo despite having a solid support system, because you didn't want to be a burden to anyone. The way you still managed to find magic in a life that had to be full of heartache and difficulties.
You were a magnetic force to be reckoned with and the fact that you had opened up to Lando that night in the car while Stella slept soundly in his back seat was something that he cherished.
It was also why he found himself nervously pacing outside of Sarah's office one January morning after he had returned from his vacation in Finland. The new season was fast approaching and it was time to get down to business and spend more time in the sim and at the MTC, making sure he was ready to give everything for the 2025 season. But he also had other reasons to be at the MTC even more: you.
Sarah is in her office that chilly January morning when she hears shuffling outside her door. It's propped open so all it takes is a quick peek outside. "Lando?" She calls, spying the driver hovering outside her door, hands shoved deep into his pockets as he paced the empty corridor.
"Oh. Hi. Sorry." Lando pushes his curls off his face, stepping into the brightly lit office. "Am I interrupting? I can totally come back..."
Sarah nearly laughs at the anxious energy radiating off of Lando but manages to quell it, not wanting to spook him. "No, it's fine. What can I do for you?"
"I...well..." Lando cards his hand hand through his hair once again, searching for the right words. He hadn't gotten the best reception from Max when he opened up about his feelings for you, so he was really nervous about what your best friend was going to say. He didn't want to get told off by her too. "I was wondering if I could ask you for a favor?"
Sarah smirks. "Does this favor have to do with our favorite single mom who works down the hall?"
Lando goes crimson at the question but a bit of him feels relieved at the smile that plays on Sarah's face. "Uh...It does actually. I was wondering if you would be willing to babysit Stella Saturday night so I could take her out to dinner and maybe a movie or something."
Sarah pushes away from her desk, the look on her face transforming from smug to soft admiration. "You really like her, don't you?"
Lando nods earnestly, "I do. Stella kind of threw me for a loop there at first but after spending time with them before Christmas..." He drops the rest of the sentence then, not sure if he should be opening up this much to your best friend. She probably knew how you felt about him already but it was a natural reaction for him to keep his feelings closely held. "I know our lifestyles are not exactly...compatible but she's amazing and I just want to spend more time with her."
"You'd be lucky to land a girl like her, Lando." Sarah observes, leaning back in her chair. "And while I agree, your lifestyles are radically different, I think you two could be good for each other."
"Yeah?" Lando's voice is a wash of relief, having expected to face the same criticism that he had faced from Max.
"Yeah, I do. I'd be happy to take Stella for the night as long as she's okay with it. Have you asked her?"
Lando shakes his head. "I wanted to make sure you were okay with it first."
"Can I give you some advice though?" When Lando nods, Sarah continues. "You're going to have to be patient with her. She's been through a lot and she has a lot on her shoulders. She doesn't need someone adding to that load. She needs someone who's going to help her carry that load, take some things off her shoulders. And if that's not something you think you can do, don't even start anything with her. If you're not all in with her and Stella, please don't pursue anything further, okay?"
Lando leans against the door frame, taking in your best friend's words. "I'd never do anything to add to what she already carries." He says softly and Sarah grins.
"Good. Tell her I'll take Stella for one of our famous sleepovers, yeah? Treat her well, Lando. I don't want to have to kick your ass if you hurt her."
"Thanks, Sarah. I'd never hurt her, I promise."
"Good. Now get, I think she's leaving after lunch today to get Stella for a dentist appointment. She should still be in her office though."
yourusername (private) posted a story:
replies: BFFSarah oh my GODDDDDDDD! you're going to give the poor boy a heart attack. >>>yourusername stoppppp, i'm so nervous. >>>BFFSarah not as nervous as he was when he was in my office on Tuesday asking me to babysit Stella ;) landonorris well hello pretty girl. is that outfit for me? >>>yourusername maybe ;)
"Wait, so you were the one who came up with the idea for that tire deg prediction program?" Lando stares at you from across the table, jaw nearly hitting the white linen tablecloth.
You blush into your wine, not good at taking compliments. The small Italian restaurant that Lando had booked a table at was quiet and cozy, allowing both of you to focus on the person sitting across from you and not anything else. It was nice, getting out of the house without Stella in tow. As much as you adored your daughter and valued every single second spent with her, sometimes it was really nice to have some time away. You were on your second glass of wine and your head was buzzing delightfully, the look on Lando's face as you fell into conversation about the work you were so passionate about sent something that felt a lot like desire curling deep in your belly.
"That was me. I'm actually working on an improved model for the upcoming season. More inputs like weather and historical degradation data should help the model give Andrea and the team a better idea of when the ideal pit window for you and Oscar will be in real time."
Lando just stares at you, dumbfounded. He had known bits and pieces of your job from the time he spent accosting you with questions over the last six months but he had never realized how deeply ingrained you were in his weekend routine already. "That program helped me win Miami last year." He says, totally awestruck.
You fidget under his attention, barely hiding a smile. When you had stumbled upon data analytics and predictive modeling in your first semester of uni all those years ago, you had never imagined it would lead to you writing a program that helped an F1 team predict how and when the tires were going to go off during a race. It was just one of many projects you had worked on in your two years at McLaren but it was absolutely the one you were most proud of.
"Well, hopefully with the improved modeling system I've been working on, we can get you and Oscar onto that top step more this year. I have a meeting with Zak and Andrea next week actually to discuss putting more resources into it so we can further develop it."
"I don't know how you can improve on it, the data I've seen it produce is already wildly helpful." Lando has to resist the urge to cover your hand with his, the need to touch you suddenly overwhelming.
He had been so nervous tonight while driving over to your house to pick you up for dinner, it was a wonder he hadn't ended up in a ditch or something. Stella had already been whisked away by Sarah by the time he got to your house, but there was a (albeit a bit stale) gingerbread man with a curly mullet left on the counter for him. 'Stella gave me strict instructions to make sure you get your cookie.' You had informed him, face serious with the task at hand.
Now that you were sat across from him, plate of food sat half eaten in front of you, Lando found himself not as nervous as he thought he'd be. The butterflies were still there and he had to constantly keep the desire to lace his fingers with yours in check, but the way you had made him feel calm and comfortable during the time he visited you in your office before had simply transferred to dinner tonight. He'd never felt more at ease with someone who made him so nervous before and while it was an uneasy feeling, it also felt like the most natural thing in the world.
"I didn't realize anyone beyond the strategy team used the models." You admit.
Lando likes the way your cheeks flush under his praise, even if you're still refusing to meet his eyes while he compliments you.
"Will and I go over all that data after session. With how unpredictable the tires can be from day to day, I really depend on that information."
"Well, I'm glad my little data project is doing its job." You say simply, before taking another bite out of the food before you.
The rest of dinner passes in casual conversation and meaningful looks exchanged over drinks and dessert. If having dinner with Lando and Stella in London had been fun, this dinner was certainly a more intimate affair. It wasn't until your third glass of wine that you settled into the feeling that there could be something between you and Lando, allowing the fear to take a back seat even for just one night.
"Can I ask you something?" You ask boldly while dessert is being placed in front of you.
"Anything."
And he means it.
"I know the first time you found your way into my office was by mistake but I've always wondered why you kept coming back. I mean, my office is literally on the opposite side of any place you'd ever be normally."
"Besides the fact that you're the prettiest girl I've ever seen in my life?" He flirts shamelessly, the alcohol in his system making him braver than he really felt.
"Lan..." You scold, fighting the urge to roll your eyes.
Lando chuckles and finally loses the battle he's been fighting all dinner. He reaches across the table and slips his fingers into the spaces between yours, rubbing his thumb over the soft skin of your hand. The spark that ignites when he touches you has the breath catching in the back of your throat. "Because you talked to me like a normal person. It was right around the time the championship race was heating up, as manufactured by the press as it was. The team was a bit in shambles and I just felt really unsupported."
He doesn't have to say it, but you instinctively know he's talking about the Hungary race earlier in the year. The Wednesday after that race, Lando had popped up in your office first thing in the morning and had sat across from you until well after lunch. The way his shoulders hunched and he kind of just folded himself into the desk chair that you now kept specifically for him had broken your heart.
"You never asked me about racing or the championship or anything like that. You let me talk and ask questions about your job and I was just able to forget the outside world for a bit. I was never Lando Norris, McLaren Formula 1 driver competing with Max Verstappen with you. I was just 'Lan'. I really appreciated that, especially during the second half of the season."
You had become his safe space was what he wanted to say but fear kept that bit of information from passing his lips. For now.
The warmth of Lando's fingers tangled with yours travels through your entire body. "I'm glad I helped." You murmur, heat pooling low in your belly at the look he's giving you from across the table.
"More than you know."
"Okay. No, I understand. Yes, she was fine when I dropped her off this morning. Okay. Yes, thank you. Tell her I'm leaving work right now, I'll be there in about twenty minutes. Thank you, Ms. Rose."
Panic floods your chest as you stare at the computer screen in front of you. "Fuck." You whisper, frantically looking up the phone number for Zak's personal assistant. "Fuck. Fuck. Fuck."
"That is a lot of swearing for 10 in the morning on a Wednesday."
Your eyes fly from your computer screen to the door of your office where Lando stands, leaning against the doorframe looking unreasonably handsome in a green jumper and jeans. You couldn't admire him for long though, panic returning to the front of your mind as you desperately try to figure out what you're going to do.
"Stella's school just called." Lando immediately crosses the room and sits down in 'his' chair, as he's begun to think it. Ever since your date last Saturday night, he hasn't been able to get you off his mind. He's been at the MTC every morning this week, something that even Zak noticed this morning and made a comment about him being extra dedicated to getting the new season started off on the right foot. If only he knew the real motivation for being around all the time now. He couldn't even remember the last time he'd spent any time back at his other apartment in Monaco.
"Everything okay?"
"No, she's running a fever. They need me to come get her except remember that meeting with Zak and Andrea I told you about? It's in..." Your eyes flicker back to your computer screen before bouncing back up to meet Lando's concerned gaze. "Fifteen minutes. I'm going to have to cancel and God knows when I'm ever going to get this kind of face time with either of them before the start of the season. Without their support, the upgrades to that tire deg model I want to make will basically be dead in the water."
Normally, you handle the pressures of being a single mom pretty well. You realize your career trajectory is a little different than normal, with you being unable to work late or travel extensively or do any of the other things that usually help with job advancement and you made your peace with that a long time ago. You make enough to provide very comfortably for Stella, so when you're passed over for promotions or unable to dedicate extra time, you're usually fine with it. Not today though.
"I've been prepping for this meeting for weeks. Weeks, Lando. Sarah is on annual leave in Spain and my dad is in London today with a client, there is literally no one else to go get her. Today of all fucking days." Tears threaten to spill over, you're so frustrated. You've worked so hard to get this meeting and now it's all going to go to waste.
"I'll go get her." The way Lando says it has shock slicing through your heart, quick as a knife. He says it so casually, like you're silly for not even considering him.
"What? No, Lando, I can't ask that of you."
"You're not asking, I'm offering." Lando stands, pulling out his phone. "Text me the address of her school and I'll go get her. I drove my Rover this morning and guess what I still have in the back seat?" A brilliant smile flashes across his face.
Something stills in your chest at the fact that Lando left your daughter's booster seat in his car after all these weeks.
"Lan..."
"I don't want to hear any more arguments, mama."
Well that was certainly something you'd have to unpack your reaction to later.
"Are you sure?" You bite at your lower lip and Lando has to physically restrain himself from kissing you right there in your office. Something which he still hasn't done, as much as it was killing him. After dinner the other night he had wanted to kiss you more than anything but he hadn't wanted to rush you, Sarah's words echoing in his head. How he needed to be patient with you and how you'd bene through so much the past few years so he had chickened out, erring on the side of caution and had settled for a hug and quick press of his lips to your cheek instead. He had regretted it every moment since dropping you off at your door that night.
"Absolutely. Now, go call Ms. Rose back and tell her Lando Norris is coming to get Ms. Stelly Belly. Do you have a spare key for me? I'll take her back to your place and we'll watch movies 'til you can get home."
An unfamiliar sense of calm settles over you at the sound of confidence in Lando's voice. You don't let just anyone take care of Stella, especially when she's sick. Really, the only other two people that you'd ever trust with her are Sarah and your dad. That list now was a list of three, you supposed.
"Okay." You reply weakly. "Thank you, Lando. Seriously. I don't know how I'm ever going to repay you."
"Go get ready for your meeting, pretty girl." Without a second look, Lando turns and walks out of your office. Moments after he gets into the lift to head to his car, his phone chimes with a text from you giving him the address to Stella's school.
A few hours later, you slot the key to your front door in the lock, swinging the door open as quietly as you can manage. From the entryway, you can hear the TV playing in the living room on the other side of the house.
Just in case Stella is asleep, you don't announce your presence opting to tip toe towards where you think Lando and Stella will be instead. The sight that greets you when you finally spy them has your heart clenching painfully, stealing the breath straight out of your lungs. The couch is perpendicular to where you stand, so you can just see Lando's profile as he sits, cheek tilted down resting gently on Stella's head as he watched Frozen playing on the TV in front of him. Stella is cuddled up in his lap, her arms thrown around his shoulders and her little head is buried deep in the crook of his neck. Lando's arms are wrapped securely around your little girl as he cradles her to his chest.
You rub at your sternum, desperatly trying to massage the ache that has settled there at the way Stella is curled up into Lando for comfort. You've never seen her do this with anyone other than you. Not even Sarah.
Lando senses when you walk into the room, having not even heard the door open moments before. Stella sleeps soundly against him, her warm breath tickling at the space between his neck and shoulders. They hadn't been home longer than twenty minutes when Stella had started to cry because she felt so poorly. When Lando had offered her a cuddle to make her feel better until you could get home, Stella had crawled right up into his lap and fell asleep before Anna even had a chance to build that snowman.
He was surprised at how comfortable this felt, with Stella seeking comfort from him. How easily it had come for him to just wrap his arms around her frame so she'd stop crying. He was pretty sure he'd do anything to get your little girl to stop feeling sad.
Lando turns to you after a few moments and smiles. Something passes between you then, with Stella asleep in front of you. It's powerful and reassuring and everything that you've been waiting for since the day you had realized you'd be raising Stella on your own.
"I think I finally got her fever down." Lando whispers, not wanting to wake Stella up.
"Oh my gosh, I didn't even tell you where the paracetamol is in the house." Your hand flies back to your throat in horror.
"It's okay. Stella told me where it was. My mom helped me figure out the dosage for her."
"Your mom?" You squeak, swaying on your feet.
Lando chuckles. That had been an interesting call. He hadn't had the time to explain to her exactly why he was asking for help to figure out how much paracetamol to give Stella but he was panicked, the school being unable to give her a dose of anything and her fever was going up. She had been confused, but helped without further question.
"It's fine. We got it figured out and then I turned Frozen on and she fell asleep pretty quick after that. I haven't found the thermometer yet but she feels a lot cooler than she did earlier."
For a moment, all you can do is stare at Lando. It unnerved you how comfortable he was with her. Not in a bad way but in a completely unexpected way that had goosebumps littering your skin.
"How'd the meeting go?" Lando breaks the silence after a few moments.
Your eyes snap from Stella's sleeping frame to meet Lando's gaze. He made no attempt to move Stella off his lap or hand her over, just kept his arms securely around her while he waited patiently for your answer. He could tell you were trying to wrap your head around what you were looking at and he was hoping it was a good thing. He knew you weren't used to people stepping up for you, the close inner circle you kept was very small, but he hoped that after today you'd maybe let him in a little more.
"Oh..." You pause, struggling to focus on anything other than the sight in front of you. "Good actually! Zak was super impressed with what I've got done so far. He wants me to go to Bahrain later in the month for testing with the team to test the program first hand. And he wants me to go to a few races too"
"Baby," Lando coos, reaching out a hand to capture your fingers with his. Your heart squeezes at the pet name as you barely hold in the squeal at the nickname. "I'm so proud of you, that's amazing."
Tears threaten at the edge of your vision. It had been a long time since someone other than your own father had told you that they were proud of you. "I called my dad and him and my step mom are going to watch Stella whenever I need to travel and whatever they can't cover, I'm going to hire a nanny."
It had been Zak's idea to hire the nanny, a suggestion that nearly bowled you over when he made it. He knew your situation and had wanted to make sure that you were able to travel while being comfortable with leaving Stella with someone.
"Zak offered me a raise to help offset the cost of hiring someone." You say quietly, reflecting on how insistent the man had been when you waffled at the thought of traveling more this season.
The thought of getting to travel with you this season, even if it was solely for work, was so appealing to Lando it was a little silly. He had been thinking the other night how much it was going to suck having to travel so much this year just as things were getting started with you. He usually loved losing himself in the season, not having anything hold him back or weigh him down from enjoying the constant moving and sleeping in different hotel rooms every weekend. But as the season had approached and the prospect of spending less time with you had started to become a reality, the thought of the start of the season had filled Lando with a bit of dread and anxiety.
You just sat there for a moment, smiling over at Lando and Stella as he grinned back at you. It was a comfortable silence as that same feeling from earlier crackled through the air. Like something was being set into motion today that neither of you quite understood but both knew was the start of something important.
"It's almost dinner time. Why don't you go put her down in her bed, she sleeps like this whenever she's sick, and I'll make us dinner?" You suggest finally, realizing your stomach is begging to be fed.
Lando follows your suggestion and within a few minutes, is joining you in the kitchen as you bustle about trying to figure out what to make. "I was going to make some chicken noodle soup, I think I have everything for it and Stella loves it when she's sick."
"Considering I was going to be ordering take away tonight, anything you want to feed me is good." Lando murmurs, coming to stand behind you at the counter as you peel some carrots and chop the onions.
His arms slip around your waist and you can't help but lean back into his warmth for a moment, enjoying the way the heat of his body seeps into your muscles. Lando nuzzles into the crook of your neck, breathing in the scent of you as deeply as he can, trying to commit your scent to memory. He wants to remember every little detail about this evening, something calm and steady settling into his bones as he gets a glimpse of what could be.
"You're distracting me." You mumble, the heat of Lando's breath tickling the sensitive skin at your neck.
"I"m sorry, but you're a constant distraction to me so consider it payback."
You chuckle, putting down the knife so you can spin around to face Lando instead. Your arms snake up his body before you clasp them behind his neck, enjoying the way he melts even further into your body now that you're closer.
"Thank you for coming to my rescue today." You whisper, voice raspy with emotion as you think about how much Lando's done for you in the short time you've been spending time with him.
Lando bumps his nose with yours and grins, the way you feel in his arms is something he's never experienced before. "I'd do anything for you and Stella, you know that."
"After today, I certainly do."
The look Lando gives you turns your core molten and you struggle to catch your breath. Gazing up at him through your lashes, you drop your gaze down to his lips before they flit right back up to those green blue watercolor eyes that always seem to find you wherever you are lately. Before you can steady yourself, he's leaning forward eyes locked on yours. The smile that sits at the corner of his mouth is so utterly enticing, you nearly forget your own name.
When Lando covers your lips with his for the first time, you swear you see stars. Gold bursts of light spark behind your closed lids, your entire world stuttering down to the way Lando kisses you. It's full of promise and longing and the smokey taste of desire. Your hands tangle through his curls on their own accord as you desperately try to get impossibly closer to him, losing all sense of decorum and control with just a simple kiss.
When he pulls away, Lando is satisfied at the heavy lidded look you stare up at him with, heart hammering in his chest like he's just finished the Singapore Grand Prix.
"I've been thinking about that since I left you at the door on Saturday without kissing you." He confesses, forehead tipping forward to rest on yours.
Emotion clogs your throat as you struggle for a response. Warmth pools deep in your belly as you settle on just a simple nod in response, knowing that Lando will instinctivly be able to tell that you feel the same. Silence fills the kitchen, comfortable and easy as Lando kisses you again. Both of you could feel it with that second kiss, this thing happening between you on this random Wednesday afternoon and both of you were secretly scared to death at what this was going to mean for every facet of your lives.
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#f1#formula 1#lando norris#f1 fanfic#f1 imagine#f1 x reader#lando norris x you#lando norris x reader#lando norris imagine#lando norris fanfic#lando norris fluff#ln4 x reader#lando norris x female reader
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sanctuary | bucky barnes
bucky barnes x reader — ★ — wc 1.1k
summary: bucky is worried about you when you’re overworking yourself
cw: fluff, reader is a newly recruited avenger, reader is exhausted, please don’t read too much into this — definitely not self indulgent!!
“Hey.”
“Hey,” you call back shakily, not slowing. Punch after punch after punch gets thrown at the poor bag hung from the ceiling.
Bucky observes quietly as he leans against the wall of the training room. You’re dripping in sweat, though it looks like some kind of elixir in the moonlight. “It’s late. You should be in bed.”
“So should you.”
He quirks a lip upward. You’re stubborn, just like him. “I don’t have to work a 9 to 5 tomorrow.”
You cast him a glaring glance. “Working a 9 to 5 has nothing to do with this.”
“Oh yeah?” he pushes himself off the wall, crossed arms falling to his sides as he steps towards you. “So staying up late and training, waking up in the wee hours of the morning to study — none of this has anything to do with the fact that you’re working eight hours tomorrow?”
You don’t reply.
Bucky was worried about you, though he hated to admit it.
He saw you even when you didn’t think he did. You’re gone all morning for school or work, and come back to training sessions with the Avengers. Then you spend whatever time you have left studying, exercising, or whatever else it is you’re doing with the lights in your room turned on all night. Not that he was checking.
Being a new recruit on the team did mean that you had to work hard, but Bucky was sure what you were doing had to have been way past the threshold of hard work; probably on the edge of burnout.
He keeps his gaze locked on you, watching the sweat flicking off with each fist you slam against the bag. It’s robotic, almost, except for how your punches get harsher with each passing second.
“You know you’re gonna burn yourself out if you keep at this?” Bucky tries again.
“I’m fine.” There’s a sharpness to your tone. It pinches his heart in all the wrong ways.
He comes closer until he’s right in front of you, until just a centimetre off would result in the punching bag slamming him in the guts. But he knows you wouldn’t do it.
“Y/n,” he starts again, softer.
Your punches start to slow. Less and less aggressive, till you’re glaring down at your gloves and the punching bag is left bobbing with the momentum.
“I said I’m fine.”
Bucky’s heart squeezes at how defeated you sound. Dead, almost.
He steps closer yet, and he can see it. The bags under your eyes, chapped lips and droopy eyelids. You’re exhausted. “You’re not fine, doll. You’re overworking yourself.”
Your eyebrows bunch up at his words. You continue to stare downwards, bottom lip pulled between your teeth. He has to resist the urge to cup your cheek and gently pull it free. Instead, he settles on resting his hand on your arm.
“I…” you mutter, tensing up for a moment before relaxing into his touch. “I’m not overworking myself. I’m doing what I have to do.”
You hardly look like you believe it yourself. Bucky sighs.
“You’re doing much more than that, doll. You’re always working. Do you ever rest?”
You frown. “But I can handle it.”
He arches an eyebrow. “Look at yourself.”
“Is that your way of telling me I’m ugly?”
Bucky snorts. “You’re far from ugly, you little minx. You know what I mean — you look dead tired, and I’m sure you feel it too.” He squeezes your elbow, not unkindly. “Do you even sleep?”
You shrug, and that’s all the response he needs.
Bucky exhales exasperatedly, moving his hand down to take your fingers in his. You make a noise of protest as he starts to drag you out the training room.
“Hey! Where do you think you’re taking me?”
He sighs when you claw your fingers into his arm, trying to gain friction and come to a stop.
“I —“ he wraps his metal arm around your waist, hoisting you up and ignoring your yelp, “— am taking you to bed; where you would’ve already been if you took proper care of yourself.”
You squawk, patting his back in a hopeless attempt to be released. “Put me down!”
“Nope.”
“Bucky!”
“Yes?”
“Put. Me. Down.”
“No. If you’re not going to rest, I’m going to make you.”
You groan.
His lips curve into a small smile when you finally stop protesting, your head coming down defeatedly to rest on his shoulder. He carries you up the stairs and into your room.
Bucky lays you down with all the gentility he can muster, which is surprisingly a lot. You mutter a begrudging thanks and instinctively crawl under the covers.
He immediately spots your phone on the nightstand. He takes it before you can, holding it up to your face to unlock it.
You grimace. “What are you doing?”
He squints at the tiny screen, fingers poking here and there. “Turning off all your alarms.”
“I have work tomorrow!”
“You also have off-days,” he mutters, waving you off and putting the device where you can’t reach.
You sigh for what must’ve been the hundredth time that day, rubbing your forehead frustratedly. Bucky softens.
He comes to sit on the edge of the bed, smiling at the petulant look you were giving him. Something in him stirred at the sight; you looked so childlike, so innocent. The need to protect you was strong.
“Listen,” he starts gently. “Like I said before, you need rest, okay? Just — try not to think about work, or school, or anything tonight. Relax.”
You exhale, some tension slowly leaving your features. You seem to be contemplating what to say, maybe whether to ask him if he could reschedule your shift for you, talk to your professors about your absence. Bucky was ready to say yes, yes I’ll do anything you want me to. Yes, I’ll do it because it’s you.
You look up at him nervously. “Am I gonna be okay?”
Bucky opens his mouth. He blinks and shuts it.
He rakes his fingers through his hair with a soft sigh and nods slowly. “Yeah, doll. Yeah, you’re gonna be okay.”
“You sure?”
“I’m sure.”
You stay quiet for a moment before nodding, letting yourself sink fully into the mattress. He smiles at the sight.
“Goodnight.” Bucky stands up.
“Goodnight,” you mumble back. He watches as you tug the covers up to your chin, eyes fluttering shut.
He makes his way across the room.
“Bucky?”
He hums in response, turning back around.
“Thank you.”
He feels his heart do a little jump. He can’t stop the smile from spreading across his lips. “You’re welcome, doll. Now get some sleep, yeah?”
You nod, already starting to drift off.
Bucky closes the door as he steps outside. The lights in your room are turned off for the first time in a long, long time.
#bucky barnes x y/n#bucky barnes x you#bucky barnes x reader#bucky barnes x female reader#bucky barnes fluff#bucky barnes drabble#bucky barnes one shot#bucky barnes oneshot#bucky barnes imagine#bucky barnes fic#bucky barnes fanfiction#bucky barnes au#bucky barnes#bucky fic#bucky fanfic#bucky x reader#bucky x you#bucky x y/n#bucky x female reader#bucky barnes fandom#bucky barnes hurt/comfort#james bucky buchanan barnes#james bucky barnes#james buchanan barnes#marvel#marvel fanfiction#marvel fic#marvel fluff#marvel fandom#marvel one shot
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All these ADHD success stories have me in tears because that could have been me, and sometimes it was me, but I still couldn't make it. Three years of attempting the same two semesters, countless meetings with counselors and support services and professors, med dosage increases, mental breakdowns, love and support from a classmate who unofficially adopted me (who I haven't spoken to since I dropped out)... Nothing to show for it but burnout and trauma.
Can it ever get better from here? I feel hopeless.
I'm so sorry. I'm not sure people realise just how fractured your self-esteem becomes when you fail out of an academic course; it properly haunts you, and for a long time afterwards.
I failed my first degree thanks to my own undiagnosed ADHD. I have a very typical story among our people - female, high-achieving in high school, fell apart in university. It was my second year where everything suddenly went wrong. I did not turn in a single assignment on time. I physically, mechanically, could not get myself to write them until the night before the final two-weeks-late deadline, when I'd have to pull an all-nighter and hate life and myself and eventually hand it in in the morning and then sleep for the rest of the day. My attendance was utterly appalling, particularly for a 9am lecture; trying to get up at 8 was a task roughly equivalent to trying to walk on water. I had to resit the exams I'd failed every summer. A particular low point was missing an exam because I didn't realise I even had it; I'd attended so few lectures that I hadn't heard the lecturer say it existed. I remember lying in bed at night and crying, full on sobbing, because I knew something was wrong with me but I didn't know what had happened. I'd always been so good at this, always had such good grades; it was part of my identity, both for myself and how others saw me.
And like. What else can you blame that on? What other explanation is there, other than 'laziness'?
I did better in my third year; I was determined to attend, and get assignments done. I was better; though still a long way from perfect. But so much damage had been done by then. I had better marks, but there was one single module whose assignment I passed but whose exam I failed; I just needed to resit the exam.
And I simply couldn't bring myself to do it. There was too much shame, too much guilt. I honestly couldn't fathom what the point of even trying was. I was so burnt out and broken by then. And then I had to pick up the pieces afterwards and return to life, surrounded by friends who had made it, with nothing of my own to show.
It was a few years later that I decided to go back to uni and try again. By then, I was doing it for a different reason - I wanted to prove to myself and the world that I could do it, I think. I was a bit older and a bit wiser by then; enough that I chose to be very honest with myself at every step, and could start putting systems in place to succeed. This time, it was a small class, so the lecturers all knew me by name rather than letting me fade into the background; I studied part-time to avoid overwhelm; I altered my own deadlines to be a week early, and I forced myself to write to them.
I think a crucial part was also changing how I viewed the degree, and my attitude to higher ed. Before, I did uni because "That's what you do after school". I saw it as a bigger high school with different teachers, like I HAD to be there and was doing assignments and attending because I HAD to, not because I fundamentally wanted to do the course for its own sake. The second time, I did it properly - I wanted a degree. I wanted a degree in that specific topic. I wanted to improve academically. I read the feedback this time, and applied it to each following assignment.
And, I got into the habit of going into the university computer room every day for a few hours so I could work on my assignments. Other course mates started joining me; one in particular, Chris, who later also got diagnosed with ADHD. I now know we were body doubling, but at the time, we both just saw it as getting into a good habit and working on assignments in a nicer environment.
I finished that degree with a first. Since then, I did a PG Cert with Oxford University, and a post-grad PCET, both of which required the same study-based skillset. Oxford in particular was hard, because the nature of the course was a distance learning one, and that is Very Bad for my ADHD; my brain requires routine and structure and accountability to work. That one gave me mild burnout, actually. But, my point is this:
It absolutely can get better. What that looks like is going to be different for everyone, because you need to be very honest with yourself about what works for you and what doesn't, and then choose a course accordingly; there are also specific types of support that you may need, which may or may not be available.
But you really, really can do it if you can get the right set-up and accommodations.
However, I would be wrong not to add this:
We connect university with intelligence, culturally, and we shouldn't. University is about depth of learning on a particular subject, done within and according to a particular system. Intelligence helps, but other skills are also needed to be able to complete a university degree; and that's not for everyone. You could be more than intelligent enough for it, and it still may be the wrong fit for you. That doesn't mean you're stupid or broken or useless - it just means this isn't the system for you. And there's no shame whatsoever in that.
That may or may not be true of you! We don't know each other, you could be in either bracket. But either way: you are not stupid, or useless, or broken. The system is simply not set up for your personal brain chemistry, any more than a tree-climbing test is set up for a fish. Hopefully any of this ramble is helpful!
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Take a break [Harry Lewis/W2S]
Summary: When something's off with Harry, there's probably only one person that can make him feel better: his girlfriend.
Wordcount: 2.1k
Warnings: a bit of anxiety ish and mentioning of a potential burnout. Nothing extremely angsty :)
I'm back! Except not with a driver fic, sorry for these followers. I want to upload more UK YouTube fics so if you like this make sure to follow :))
Main Masterlist
It was Tobi that shot Y/N a text that afternoon. She was sitting in a random café working, rounding off her things before going home, and Harry was somewhere around London recording. Hey Y/N, I think smth is up with Harry. Dunno if anything has been bothering him recently, js wanted to let u know. He acts fine on camera but if ure near, could you hop by? we just finished up the vid, he’ll be in the studio recording the podcast w me josh and Ethan. It didn’t take much convincing, and since she was nearly done, she was in the studio an hour later. One of the production members opened the door, “Hey, I didn’t know you would come by,” the girl smiles at her. “No, wasn’t in the plans, but just picking up Harry,” Y/N explains, walking into the building. When she walks into the studio, Harry is simply listening to a story Ethan is telling, staring into the distance with his mind visibly somewhere else. Tobi spots her before Harry does, greeting her with a subtle nod. She smiles at him as she sits down behind the lights and cameras, out of view. “I know this is a podcast, but I need to pee really bad, can we do a short break please?” Tobi suggests once Ethan is done with his story. He looks at the production members, as Ethan nods in agreement, “yeah, regroup in 10 minutes then. I’ll keep everything rolling, just so you know,” Tobi nods and stands up, walking out the Studio. He gives Y/N a quick smile when passing her, and she stays seated as the boys all relax. “I’m hungry, haven’t eaten much today,” Ethan stands up as Harry pulls out his phone. He nudges the Guernsey boy, “D’you want anything?” To which Harry shakes his head. Ethan frowns but moves away from the desk nonetheless, as Y/N stands up. “Oh, hey, didn’t know you were here!” Ethan says as he passes her. She smiles, hugging him back quickly. “Yeah, I was around, so I figured I’d come by,” she explains. At the sound of the new voice, Harry’s head slowly perks up. A tired smile forms on his face as they make eye contact, with her nodding her head to signal him over. He stands up and walks over to the pair, making Josh look over, giving the girl a quick wave, which she returns. “Hi,” she softly smiles as she lets him embrace her. “Hey, are you okay?” She nods. “Yeah, did you eat anything yet? I heard Ethan just now,” He softly shakes his head as they pull apart, “No, haven’t been too hungry,” he admits, and she sighs with a knowing look. “Don’t forget yourself, Harry. When you’re done, we’re getting some food, yeah. I’ll order it during the recording, and we’ll go pick it up, go home, and have a night us to, yeah. Maybe all of tomorrow, too?” She suggests, and he nods. “Thank you,” He quietly replies, wrapping his arm around her to press a kiss on her hair.
As they get back to recording the last part of the podcast, Y/N sits back in her original spot. She now finds Harry looking over more often, and she sends him a smile every time. He seemed a bit more relaxed, a bit more involved in the conversations. He was laughing, that stupid half-assed laugh, that made him look too damn cute. She hated it, though— she hated how she could tell he just laughed because of the cameras. Even if he liked the joke, the smile didn’t reach his eyes the way it usually would. Soon enough the recording’s done, and Harry is given the green light to go, the rest of the crew all seeing the tiredness in his body language. As they stand at the car, Tobi has walked out after them to give them a quick goodbye. “See you later bro, take care, yeah?” He simply tells Harry as they clap hands, before the younger steps into the passenger seat. He gives Y/N a proper hug, “Thanks for coming, let me know how he’s doing, please?” She nods as they let go. “Yeah, thanks for texting. He looks pretty overwhelmed, and he didn’t eat much breakfast either, so…” Tobi sighs, as he looks towards the car. “We didn’t really have time to eat, I should’ve pushed to get lunch more,” Y/N shrugs. “Not much to do now. Again, thanks for looking out for him. I’ll see you soon, yeah?” He nods. “Yeah, thank you too. See you Friday,” he mentions, reminding her of the Sidemen’s anniversary party. “See you then, bye Tobi!” She says, stepping into the car. Harry looks up at her with a questioning look on his face, “What were you chatting about?” He asks, dropping his phone in his lap. She looks at him for a second, “Tobi texted me when you were done with the video if I could hop by. He said you acted fine on camera, but something was off, and I was nearly done with work anyway so I wanted to pick you up. He just asked me to let him know if you were okay,” She answers honestly, to which he nods slowly. “Hmm.” A short silence falls between them as she gets settled, looking over at him before turning the key. “Are you, okay?” She asks. He doesn’t reply immediately, fiddling with his phone. “I- I don’t really, uhh, I dunno. I’ve just… It’s weird, I, uh…” He doesn’t seem to find the words, so she puts her hand on his thigh. “That’s okay. You don’t have to talk, we can get home, have some food, maybe a cuddle, and then talk. Or cry, or scream, or say nothing. Whichever, yeah?” He nods as she squeezes his thigh before moving her hand back to the steering wheel. His hands automatically find her body as they pull out the car park, making her smile subconsciously. “Oh, and there’s something else Tobi mentioned, which I almost forgot. We are going to the Sidemen party, which you probably conveniently forgot is this Friday,” she changes the subject, making him groan in fake annoyance.
Y/N collects the food they ordered, and after a short ride with some soft background music, they’re carrying the bags of food inside. “If you want to change, you can do that now, we can watch a movie or some Brooklyn 99. Do you want a drink?” She asks, as he walks towards the bedroom. He nods, “Just a tea please,” he asks, before changing into his pyjamas. She makes them their drinks, making herself an iced tea, and puts them on the coffee table. Walking back to the kitchen to get the bags of food, she sees Harry taking out the plates and cutlery, and smiles at him. “Do you want to watch anything?” He looks at her and shrugs, “Just something quick. Did you watch the race?” He asks, and she nods. “I had it on, yeah, but was working during it. We can watch the race in 30?” She suggests as they sit down on the couch. He nods, leaning over the table to make himself a plate of food. “Yeah, sounds good,” he says, as she finds the compilation of the latest Formula One race. Harry sits closely next to her, thighs touching each other and occasionally leaning backwards, putting his head on her shoulder.
He was tired, she could tell, and by the time they’d finished the food he was lying on her lap. She softly combs through his hair as the F1 outro played, and she sighs. “Are you alright?” She asks, and he’s quiet for a minute. “I don’t know,” he answered honestly. She motions for him to keep talking, and he sighs. “I’ve just, I’ve been feeling anxious all day and I don’t know why. Didn’t sleep as well either, but that’s not really anything new recently,” he mentions, and she nods. He had been having trouble sleeping recently, falling asleep late and waking up in the middle of the day, unless he had recordings in the morning. “Any reason why? Like, something big happening or a change in something?” He shrugs. “No, not that I can think of. I mean, we have the anniversary coming up and don’t really have anything planned and maybe people will expect something, but that’s not really my doing anyway. I also need to have a video worked out and a more sidemen thing ready by Saturday, but I’ll get that done,” he mentions, rolling his head so he’s looking at her. She looks down at him, looking into his eyes. “I think you should take a break, first, just tonight and tomorrow. No Sidemen business, no YouTube friends, just us. Wasn’t Rosie in Manchester? We could visit her,” she suggests, and he nods. “Yeah, that sounds good,” he softly says. They sit in silence for a bit, thinking about the conversation that just occurred. “If you still feel anxious or weird after that, that’s okay too. We can look into it, if you’ll let me help you, and see what makes you feel better, yeah?” She breaks the silence. He bites his lips as he hesitantly nods. “Hmm. I’m just worried it’s a lasting thing. I’ve got nothing to be stressed about really, people like Simon and JJ are doing way more than I am yet here I am,” he expresses his concerns. “Well, you’ve been doing this for over a decade, baby, and even when you quit uploading you started doing more things for the channel. That and recording not only for the Sidemen but also all of your friends’ channels, plus all the behind the scenes stuff you’re involved in, it’s not hard to be burnt out or overwhelmed,” He nods, fiddling with their hands. “It just feels so unfair to take a break, when I have lots of time off already. I have the one of the easier jobs on the Sidemen channel, you know,” She looks up for a second, thinking about his statement. “Hmm. For you, yeah, but I think Lucy wouldn’t want to switch with you. Just because it’s fun and comes naturally to you doesn’t mean it’s easy, and you don’t work hard,” She explains, to which he nods. “Hmm, I guess that’s true,” he agrees. She shuffles around a bit, and Harry raises his head so she can sit more comfortably. “And like, you have time off, but when do you actually? You’re always recording, or golfing, or on a date with me, which is nice, and you’re busy which is good, and it’s fun, but you know… You need to take care of yourself, have some time for you, as well.” He sighs as he sits up. “Whenever I’m with you is enough. But I do need more time without anything else, maybe,” he admits, grabbing his cup of tea from the table. She smiles at him, “I know you love them, but I know you as well, you’re an introvert. We spend all your other time together, too, which I obviously have zero problems with, but you need your alone time, too,” He looks at her over the rim of his glass. “Don’t be silly, I never need time away from you. Like, I consider nights like this alone time. I can recharge with you,” he sheepishly smiles at her, and she blushes. “I… Wait, that is actually so cute,” She leans against his chest, and he chuckles, wrapping his arms around her. “It’s true,” he simply says, and she giggles. She looks up at him to see him already looking down at her with the same smile still on his face. Despite dating for over two years, it still felt like the honeymoon stage, and the look in their eyes’ says enough. Harry smiles before he presses his lips against hers, and she smiles into the kiss.
Their cups of tea were long forgotten as they get even closer to each other, the kiss filled with love instead of the lust they sometimes were. They both smile into the kiss, just taking in each other's presence, until the sound of the Formula One intro promptly makes them pull away. “Jesus Christ,” Harry just says as Y/N leans into his chest, giggling at the scare. Harry looks for the remote, turning off the video that autoplayed. He looks at her with a loving smile, as she looks up again. “Right, where were we?”
#wroetoshaw#harry lewis#w2s#w2s x reader#w2s fic#w2s imagine#harry w2s#sidemen#sidemen x reader#harry lewis x reader
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Ketto's Whumptober 2024 Prompt Master List
No. 1: RACE AGAINST THE CLOCK - Kit & Violet (r by localicecreambiter)
Search Party | Panic Attack | "If only we could hold on.” (Icysami x Renegaderr, Strangers.)
No. 2: TRUST ISSUES - Warriors (anon)
Amusement Park | Role Reversal | “You got away with the crime while the knife's in my back.” (Charlotte Sands, Rollercoaster)
No. 3: SET UP FOR FAILURE - Legend & Sky (requested by notadragon)
Fingerprints | Wrongfully Arrested | "I warned you."
No. 4: HALLUCINATIONS - Legend &/or Warriors (anon)
Hypnosis | Sensory Deprivation | “You're still alive in my head.” (Billy Lockett, More)
No. 5: SUNBURN
Healing Salve | Heatstroke | "If my pain will stretch that far." (Lottery Winners, Burning House)
No. 6: NOT REALISING THEY'RE INJURED - Legend (requested by tiredkiwilol)
Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms | Healed Wrong | "It's not my blood."
No. 7: ONLY FOR EMERGENCIES - Time (FD) & Wind (requested by chuchujellybean)
Unconventional Weapon | Magic with a Cost | "It's us or them."
No. 8: SLEEP DEPRIVATION - Hyrule (requested by starwolfie)
Isolation Chamber | Forced to Stay Awake | "Leave the lights on." (Coldplay, Midnight)
No. 9: OBSESSION
Broken Window | Bruises | “Frame me up on the wall, just to keep me out of trouble.” (Fall Out Boy, Irresistible)
No. 10: BLOW TO THE HEAD - Legend (also tiredkiwilol)
Slurred Words | Passing Out from Pain | "I can't think straight."
No. 11: SEEING DOUBLE - Four (requested by mermain123)
Convenience Store | Loneliness | “Leave no trace behind, like you don't even exist.” (Taylor Swift, Illicit Affairs)
No. 12: STARVATION - Wild
Underground Caverns | Cannibalism | "Just a little more."
No. 13: TEAM AS A FAMILY - Wild & Four
Familial Curse | Multiple Whumpees | "Death will do us part." (Set It Off, Partner's In Crime)
No. 14: LEFT FOR DEAD
Hunting Gear | Blackmail | “Because I want you to know what it feels like to be haunted” (tiLLie, kooL aiD mAn)
No. 15: CHILDHOOD TRAUMA - Wind (requested by mermain123)
Painful Hug | Moment of Clarity | "I did good, right?"
No. 16: NECROSIS - Wild (requested by zips-quips)
Swamp | Wound Cleaning | "No, I can't feel anything."
No. 17: NOWHERE ELSE TO GO - Wind (theoneeyedgoldenwolf)
Ruined Map | Shipwrecked | "We had a good run."
No. 18: REVENGE - Sky (requested by icy-hot-0111)
Unreliable Narrator | Loss of Identity | “I see what's mine and take it.” (Panic! at the Disco, Emperor's New Clothes)
No. 19: BLOOD TRAIL - Twilight (r by toyouhellohowareyou)
Abandoned Cabin | One Way Out | "Is there anybody alive out there?" (Bruce Springsteen, Radio Nowhere)
No. 20: EMOTIONAL ANGST - Warriors (requested by aeghina)
Shoulder to Cry On | Giving Permission to Die | "It's not your fault."
No. 21: BODY HORROR - Wind & Four (requested by tritailed-shenanigans)
Body Horror | Tattoo Gun | Spirit Possession | “Let the bedsheet soak up the tears.” (Apparat feat. Soap & Skin, Goodbye)
No. 22: BLEEDING THROUGH BANDAGES - Hyrule (requested by mermain123)
Tourniquet | Reopening Wounds | "Oh that's not good."
No. 23: FORCED CHOICE - Time (requested by boingobeepis)
Public Display | Broken Pedestal | "I'm doing this for you."
No. 24: RADIATION POISONING - Wild (requested by abbycrashing)
Collapsed Building | Equipment Failure | “I never knew daylight could be so violent.” (Florence + The Machine, No Light, No Light)
No. 25: SURGERY - Twilight & Warriors (mermain123 again :3)
Stitches | Being Monitored | "It's for your own good."
No. 26: NIGHTMARES - Legend (requested by mermain123)
Breakfast Table | Parting Words of Regret | “I'm haunted by the lies that I have loved, the actions I have hated.” (Poe, Haunted)
No. 27: VOICELESS - Twilight has a Violet Incident (requested by zips-quips)
Laboratory | Muzzled | “I have no mouth and I must scream.”
No. 28: DENIAL
CCTV | Exposure | "They caught me red handed."
No. 29: FATIGUE
Labyrinth | Burnout | "Who said you could rest?"
No. 30: RECOVERY - Wind & Legend & Warriors (because I want to!)
Hospital Bed | Holding Back Tears | "What have I done?"
No. 31: ASKING FOR HELP
Therapy | Making Amends | "I'm alive, I'm just not well." (Elliot Lee, Alive, Not Well.)
-
Feel free to send in requests for this year! Any relationships (barring romantic) are optional, and you can give as much or as little detail for what you'd like to see as you like! And if the prompt you wanted is already claimed, no worries! I AM capable of whumping multiple boys at once >:)
(NOTE: I can see your requests best in the post replies, asks WILL most likely get lost in the slew of my askbox!!!!!)
Alternatives List:
Body Swap - Four and Wind (tritailed-shenanigans)
Communication Barrier
Finding Old Messages - Wild (requested by zips-quips)
Forgotten
Friendly Fire
Motion Sickness
No-Holds-Barred Beatdown
Regret
Secrets Revealed
Shivering
Survivor's Guilt
Time Loop
Used As Bait
Venom
Vermin
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❪ ✦ ❫ 𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐓𝐄𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍.
𝐏𝐀𝐈𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆: grayson hawthorne x anxiety fem!reader
𝐒𝐘𝐍𝐎𝐏𝐒𝐈𝐒: you hate it when your parents scold you. you hate it. good thing grayson’s there to comfort you.
𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒: anxiety attack, parent issues, yelling, crying, comfort, comfort over phone, fluff, hyperventilating, scolding, cuddling, kisses, burnout, wholesome praise, nicknames, use of y/n
𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐃𝐒: 797
𝐀/𝐍: this was requested by an anon here! THIS MADE ME SO SAS BUT I ALSO LOVE GRAYSON AHHHFFKTLDLKDLD STOP also this was based of my panic attacks that i have and a bit of google too. yes, i do have panic attacks, though luckily ive only had one and the rest were just me being close to having one. ANYWAYS ENJOYYT‼️‼️
𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓. 𝐆𝐑𝐀𝐘𝐒𝐎𝐍 𝐇𝐀𝐖𝐓𝐇𝐎𝐑𝐍𝐄.
𝐄𝐃𝐈𝐓𝐄𝐃: ✓
𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐒: @reminiscentreader @never-enough-novels @ilyiwdtpyiwmyhmtkys @evaswarner @sc11vb @sophiesonlinediary @starrynightsxo @f4iry-bell @his-littlefox @viivdle @aaron-warner @reyreadersblog @urbanflorals @nqds @imaseabear (ask if you want to be added or removed from taglist!)
you knew what was coming. you were failing most of your classes, but it wasn’t your fault. you just—couldn’t do it anymore. it’s like you were burnedout.
you were a student with straight, passing A’s, to a student not even trying anymore. it wasn’t your fault, though. no one believes you.
“honestly, y/n. what happened to you?!” your mother sighs, running a hand down her face. disappointment fills her expression as she looks at you.
“you have to get your grades up, young lady,” your father grits out. “i—i’m trying to,” you try to say, “it’s jus—”
“no excuses. you’re just lazy,” your mother scolds. “you need to get your grades up. do your missing work and redo your tests or you’re grounded; from your friends and your phone.”
you look at her in shock. you could handle your phone, kind of, but your friends? “mom—what—no that’s not fair—”
“it is fair,” your father butts in. “there needs to be punishment since you keep on thinking that your friends or your phone is better than doing work. not to mention you keep on using your burnout as an excuse.”
you're on the verge of tears now. you can’t help it. why are they doing this? why don’t they just understand that you can’t do this anymore?
“stop being lazy, y/n.”
right after the scolding stopped you immediately ran to your room, slamming your door shut. you slide down the door, breathing heavily as tears finally fall down your face in races.
but this is different; your breathing is too fast. your throat is too tight—your chest feels like someone is sitting on it and squshing you.
you feel like you can’t breathe even though you are.
breathe, breathe, breathe, breathe, breathe, breathe, breathe, breathe, breathe, breathe—it isn’t working.
you call the only person who could help you with trembling hands. quickly, you take your phone out of your pocket, getting your passcode wrong because of your shaking.
“c-come on—work—” you say breathlessly. you know how this goes. you start to sweat, your palms getting wetter as you go to your contacts and click grayson.
you close your eyes as your breathing gets faster, starting to get dizzy. this is normal for you. it should be normal so why do you feel like you are dying?
the tears that keep on dropping from your eyes aren’t helping you stay calm. you hold a hand to your chest—your breath coming out in sobs.
the phone picks up.
“love?—are you okay?” he asks. he knows that you aren’t the type of person to call instead of texting. you only call in case of emergencies. this time is definitely an emergency.
“i—gray—” you stammer, unable to form a sentence. immediately, he gets it. “hey, hey. where are you, love?”
“room.”
“okay. i want you to take deep breaths for me, okay?”
you start to get hot even though goosebumps travel throughout your skin. it’s an uncomfortable feeling like your skin can’t choose whether to make you warm or cold throughout your panic attack.
you try. you really do, but you can’t.
you shake your head and make an ‘m-m’ sound. “can’t.”
“please, love. for me, okay? just this once, i promise. you could do this,” he says. you hesitantly nod, leaning your head against the door as you try to control your breathing.
“in and out. in and out. in and out,” he directs you, helping you a bit. “i’m on my way, okay? you’re doing so good for me, just wait a little while longer, okay, angel?”
“mhm.”
“good job. just try to continue breathing, okay?”
in; out.
in; out.
in; out.
in; out.
in; out.
in; out.
in; out.
“i’m parked,” he announces. you're glad that you gave him a spare key beforehand. you faintly hear a key rattling underneath your harsh breathing, giving you hope that he’s coming.
soon. he hangs up the call and you try to move to the side so he can open the door. he immediately opens the door and spots you on the floor.
bringing you into his arms, he closes the door behind the two of you. “follow my breathing, baby,” he whispers. you feel the rise and fall of his chest and you try to copy it.
his warm embrace helps you calm down, your sobs stopping into shaky breaths. “you’re doing amazing, y/n.”
after a short while, you calm down, digging your head into his chest. he slowly walks back to your bed, sitting down with you on his lap.
his hand runs down your back comfortably, his other hand around your hips. “you did beautifully, love. you’re so amazing.”
“thank you, gray.”
“you don’t need to thank me, darling. i’ll always be here for you.”
#grayson hawthorne#grayson hawthorne x reader#grayson hawthorne x fem!reader#grayson hawthorne x y/n#grayson hawthorne x fem!y/n#grayson hawthorne x you#grayson#hawthorne#the inheritance games#the hawthorne legacy#the final gambit#tig#thl#tfg#the inheritance trilogy#⭑ belles drabbles .ᐟ ˎˊ˗
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Ghosting
Sungchan x Reader
ANGSTTTTTT SOWWY, fluff at the end, hurt comfort, self doubt, burnout, mentions of twilight
WC: 3k
pt 3 of my lil sungchan series. pt 1, pt 2
YN assumed that all was well in her relationship- situationship? Flirtationship?- the two had gone on their second official date, and hung out plenty of times beside then. She thought she and sungchan were doing great, until he stopped answering his texts.
They had just seen each other before then- he took her out to dinner and bought them milkshakes. He had spent the night in her apartment, as he had grown used to doing, and they fell asleep playing video games on her couch. He had left the morning after after giving her a kiss on the cheek and saying ‘Talk to ya’ later, cutie’
The first day, YN assumed it must be he’s away from his phone- he doesn’t have to respond right away, and she didn’t need him to.
But when another day passed, and then another, YN became skeptical. She began to criticize herself for texting him the usual good morning/good night texts when she got no response. Whe texted him asking if he was alright, but got no response. She asked him if he was going to a party Yunjin had invited her to, but her message was never read. She kept trying, but kept getting nothing. She felt pathetic.
Eventually the days turned into a week, and still no word from sungchan. It confused her- they had been so close for weeks before, why drop her now? A week turned into two weeks, and YN felt herself lose her will to keep trying. Too many texts left on delivered, too little communication to justify her continuing to text a ghost.
Had she done something wrong? She wracked her brain for anything she could’ve done to offend him, or make him upset, but couldn’t think of anything. She wondered if maybe he was talking to someone else or… maybe he just wasn’t interested anymore.
She thought about their times together, their first date that was so perfect she almost thought she dreamed it. Kissing him when he showed up at her door, or when they’d snuggle up on her couch and watch movies they never really paid attention to. It all left her wondering what happened. Why was sungchan suddenly MIA?
She just felt… useless.
YN decided to go out as a pick-me-up. Yunjin walked at her side, knowing of her struggle with sungchan, and more than willing to help her get her mind off things. Regardless of what was going on in YN’s mind, Yunjin was always a great pick-me-up.
“I mean we could go to a party tonight?” She suggested.
“You know I hate parties,” YN rolled her eyes.
“We wouldn’t stay long, plus, it’s a mostly girls party. It’s kind of exclusive,” Yunjin wriggled her eyebrows.
“I’ll let you know if I want to go,” YN replied, her arms locked with Yunjin.
“Well we gotta do something to get your mind off of sungchan,”
“Pffft, it’s not like it’s that big of a deal. I’m fine, I promise,”
“It certainly hasn’t seemed like it.” Yunjin watched YN tilt her head to the side. “You seriously haven’t realized you’ve been mentioning him non stop for days?”
YN paused for a moment. “I didn’t think it was that bad,” she mumbled.
“Oh, it’s bad bad. You can’t stop talking about it.”
YN looked down, embarrassed. “I’m sorry,” she muttered. She didn’t want to talk about it anymore, now feeling too exposed for how she had been really feeling.
Yunjin paused her steps, looking over to her friend. “Oh, no, don't apologize! It’s okay, I understand why,”
“I just feel bad, I really didn’t realize how much it was on my mind,” YN explained, staring at the pavement below her.
“It’s okay, really,” Yunjin assured her. “It just makes me sad seeing you so sad over a man,” She shrugged, squeezing YN’s arm reassuringly.
“I really liked him though… and I thought…” She trailed off, sighing and shaking her head.
“And that’s normal. It’s okay to be sad about stuff like this.” Yunjin told her. “Now perk up, cutie, We’ve got a weekend to waste, and a man to forget about.”
The Two walked around the market, looking at handmade goods, and fresh pick fruits and veggies. For a while, YN began to let her mind wander from Sungchan. She enjoyed her time with Yunjin, joking around and talking about drama that had been going on in recent weeks. It was easy to forget about things when she was with Yunjin, it was easy to forget all her sorrows.
They heard something from the distance, and perked up once more when they realized there was someone calling their names.
“Is that them? Yunjin? Yunjin!” someone shouted from the distance, weaving through the crowd. “It is them!” He called, tugging someone behind them. “YN, Yunjin!” They recognized shotaro at a distance, smiling and waving at them. YN froze when she saw who was right beside him.
Jung Sungchan. The man who had been ghosting her for two weeks.
YN turned to Yunjin, her anxiety clear on her face. “You’ll be okay,” Yunjin whispered, keeping their arms interlocked.
YN watched as the two of them approached, and almost immediately locked eyes with Sungchan. She stood there staring at him before tearing her gaze away and looking at the ground. WHen she looked up, Sungchan stood at a closer distance, a smile on his handsome face as he looked at her, holding his hand up in a friendly wave. If he hadn’t been ghosting her for weeks, her heart would’ve melted, she probably would have swooned. But alas, she was in no mood to swoon.
“Hey guys!” Shotaro greeted cheerfully. “It’s good to see you, we’ve been meaning to hang out,” He nudged sungchan, whose face dropped a bit when YN avoided his gaze.
“Yeah, it’s good seeing you guys,” His gaze was still fixed on YN, who had her phone pulled out, fingers typing away at something.
It wasn’t long until Yunjin and Shotaro fell into a comfortable conversation, and Sungchan took a step closer to YN.
“Hey,” He smiled, his voice soft.
“Hi.” YN replied shortly. Sungchan took note, shifting his weight a bit.
“Are you okay?” He asked, slightly concerned.
“Yeah why?” She lied, folding her arms.
“You just seem… more closed off.” He thought of their last time together, how close they had been, the stark contrast of this moment compared to then.
“Well sorry, I’m not sure how to talk to someone who’s been ignoring me for two weeks,” YN glanced at him, voice stern.
Sungchan furrowed his brows. “What do you mean?” He asked in confusion.
YN rolled her eyes, not wanting to continue down this path. “Yunjin, I’m gonna head home. I’ll text you about the party,” she said before turning on her heel and walking out of sungchan’s sight.
“So… why is YN mad at you?” Shotaro asked, taking a bite of his food.
Sungchan shrugged. “I really don’t know? It kinda confused me.” The look shotaro gave him told him to continue. “She said I’d been ignoring her,”
“Have you been ignoring her?” Shotaro asked, knowing the answer, but wanting Sungchan to hear the truth from himself.
The hesitancy Sungchan felt made his heart drop a bit, realizing that he had been ignoring her. “I… i didn’t think I was ignoring her,” He pulled out his phone to see the old messages he hadn’t taken the time to look at. “I didn’t really mean to,”
“Yeah, well, you did,” Shotaro sighed. “When did you last see her?”
“I forget, but it wasn’t that long ago,” sungchan answered.
“Okay… and when was the last time you texted her? When was the last time she texted?”
“She texted me a couple days ago…” Sungchan put his phone down, taking a few bites of his food, as if he could avoid talking if he had his mouth full.
“Sunghcan,” Shotaro looked at him with a disbelieving expression.
“This food is really good,” Sungchan didn’t meet his gaze, stuffing his face with more food.
“Seriously, when was the last time you hung out?” Shotaro asked once more.
“I don’t know, it couldn’t have been too far back,” sungchan shrugged. “I think… two weeks?”
“Two weeks????”
Truth be told, Sungchan had no intentions of ghosting YN. Hell, he barely realized he had been.
When Sungchan got focused on something, it was almost like everything in the world stopped existing. That something happened to shift from YN, to his upcoming exam. It was the majority of his quarter grade, and in his efforts to study, he had unintentionally ignored nearly everything around him. Shotaro had begged him to go out for an hour or two that day, which was a struggle in itself.
Needless to say, he had been burnt out, not even realizing it. He barely had been out besides classes, and his social life had taken a pretty big hit. He had been tired, focused so much on passing the quarters exam, that he neglected one of the biggest parts of his life.
He hadn’t realized until he saw YN, how little time he had spent with her. In his time away, he never had the chance to think about just how much he missed her. Sungchan hadn’t thought much about the girl he liked so much- not because he lost interest, but because he was buckling under the pressure of school.
Sungchan rubbed the bridge of his nose, sighing in his own frustration. “I know, I know,” he looked up at shotaro. “So?”
“So what?” Shotaro asked.
“So what should I do? I messed up,” Sungchan shrugged, looking at shotaro hopefully.
“Are you stupid?” Shoptaro asked. Before the younger could question his words, he said, “Apologize to her! You can’t get anywhere if you don’t talk to her,” Shotaro told him. “Make it quick before Yunjin gets involved.”
Sungchan Nodded. “Noted.”
When the two of them parted ways, sungchan walked with his hands in his pockets. He walked to his apartment, making a mental list of ways he could apologize, how he could make things up to her. He was never great at things like that, but he knew that he would change it for her.
When YN got home, her mood was brought down even more seeing there was still nothing from sungchan. It Was partially her fault, leaving before he could get a word in, but logic did nothing to brighten her mood. The worst part of the citation was how much it made her get into her own head.
She began doubting her bond with sungchan, doubting herself. Was she that forgettable that he could go weeks without talking to her and not even realize?
She sat down on her couch and pulled a pillow over her head, groaning into it as she laid back. In her own house, with nothing to distract her from her own doubts and fear, she felt the tears well in her eyes. It wasn’t her first experience with heart break, or with a failed relationship, but nonetheless, it hurt. She had let herself get used to sungchan, gotten her hopes up with him. Was she stupid to think they’d be more than a situationship? Tears streamed down her face before she could bring her hand up to wipe her face.
She thought back to their first date, and questioned how she ended up here. Crying on her couch because of a guy who wasn’t even her boyfriend. Crying over the guy who took her out for lunch and who she convinced to stay a little longer. Did it mean anything? Was this just how Sungchan was?
She wiped her tears and turned on her side, resting her cheek against her pillow as her phone lit up with texts from Yunjin.
Jen: you okay???
Jen: you left rlly fast
Jen: Did he do smth???? I can kill him
Jen: should I come over?
She sighed, not wanting to involve Yunjin even more in her boy problems.
YN: no i’m ok
YN: thanks tho 🙂
YN dropped her phone on the coffee table, closing her eyes and curling into herself. It wasn’t that late, but the tears streaming down her cheeks, and the flashes of her time with sungchan that came up every so often made her tired, made her want to escape.
Within a few minutes, she drifted off to sleep, not wanting to think about sungchan anymore, hoping her tears would dry themselves.
Hours passed, and YN woke up from her spot on her couch. Her back ached from the uncomfortable position, cheeks a bit puffy from crying. She went to shower, dousing herself in water to soothe her skin, and ease the pain that came from her uncomfortable sleeping position. She changed into pajamas, and dried her hair before putting it up. YN knew that since she had woken up when it was late, she wouldn’t be able to sleep well. Given that, she decided to treat herself. She wouldn’t go to another party with Yunjin, she wouldn’t spend her night crying over sungchan, she’d just let herself relax.
She reached for her phone so she could order herself some food, but a notification made her stop for a moment.
Channie <3: hi
Channie <3: can we talk pls?
Channie <3: i miss u
YN scoffed at the messages. Two weeks and her turning him down was what it took for him to take interest again?
She didn’t respond and placed an order for delivery. She had Wine in her cabinet that she saved for special occasions (or nights when she needed a little pick me up) and a pint of her favorite ice cream. She brought out her favorite blanket and sat down on the couch, trying to pick what she should watch, settling on twilight because what could take her mind off of things with sungchan better, than a YA romance movie.
She got up and grabbed the wine from her cabinet, pouring a bit into her glass and talking a few sips before reaching around for the ice cream in her freezer. In the midst of her search, she heard a knock on her door. Not realizing it was too quick to be her food order, she went over, and opened the door.
“Sungchan?”
He stood in the doorway, eyes wide, as if he had ran up the stairs like he had the night of their first date.
YN just sighed. “What are you-”
She was cut off when she felt his arms wrap around her, his head buried in her neck as if he wanted to crawl inside her. She heard him let out a shaky breath and her eyes widened, confused as to what was going on, and why he suddenly showed up.
“I’m sorry,” he said into her skin, arms tightening around her. “I didn’t mean to ignore you, I promise,” His voice was soft, almost fragile sounding.
YN was stunned for a hot minute, standing there and letting him hug her before hesitantly bringing her arms to wrap around him, relaxing into his grasp. They stayed like that for a moment before each pulling away. YN led sungchan further inside, leading him to sit on her couch. She sat next to him, an awkward distance away.
“What’s going on?” she asked hesitantly.
“I wanted to apologize, and like… explain why i ignored you,”
YN looked at him expectantly.
“So, I have a big exam coming up, and it makes up half of my quarter’s grade. And if I failed, my semester exam would also be sunk, so-” He paused. “Not important. When I get into something really intensely, I have a bad habit, that I’m gonna work on, of kinda forgetting everything else. Even Shotaro struggled to get in contact with me. He had to drag me out earlier today.”
He looked at YN and sighed, seeing her hesitant expression.
“I really am sorry that I hurt you. It wasn’t my intention, but I know I did, and I promise, I’ll make it up to you,” He reached for her hand lightly.
YN looked down at their hands. “I thought you lost interest in me,” She said quietly.
“What?” Sungchan asked, confused if he heard her correctly.
“I thought You lost interest. I thought you lost interest and started ignoring me.” She said a bit firmer.
Sungchan’s heart dropped hearing those words. “YN,” he brought his other hand to her cheek, tilting her gaze towards him. “What I did was a mistake. A mistake I promise, I won’t make again,” his thumb brushed her cheek. “And I promise, I swear on everything, I’m still pretty crazy for you,” He gave her a light smile.
His words made YN smile, intertwining her fingers with his as he leaned in to give her a soft kiss. They wrapped their arms around each other once more, not letting go of each other even as they just sat on the couch, covered by the blanket.
YN got up when she heard a knock on her door, much to sungchan’s dismay. She brought back the food she ordered, plus the ice cream and wine. When sungchan reached for some, she swatted his hand away.
“Thats not for you,” she shook her head with a playful smile.
“I thought you weren’t mad?” Sungchan sat up a bit, concerned.
“I’m not, but i ordered these for me,” She poked his stomach.
When Sungchan stuck out his bottom lip in a pout, pleading for some food like he had been starving all day, YN rolled her eyes.
“Fine,” she said, and gave him some food, and poured him a glass of wine.
They found their places back on the couch, snuggled up against each other, sungchan’s arm draped around her waist as she rested on his chest. In the middle of the movie, while the Cullens played baseball, sungchan spoke up.
He asked her, “Do you want to go on a date tomorrow?”
whoopee!!! I finished pt 3, stay tuned for the next parts, I pinky promise they'll come out sooner.
taglist: @oftenjisung , @vhuteryh, @skzhoe4life, @cheederzchez , @so-lychee , @leehanascent
#sungchan x reader#jung sungchan x reader#riize sungchan#jung sungchan#k labels#riize jung sungchan#sungchan oneshot#sungchan angst#sungchan#sungchan fluff#my love {sungchan} ☆.ᐟ#gyuvxx ᯓ★#⋆。°✩riize#riize#riize oneshots#riize x reader
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GMMTV 2025 Part 1 Unhinged Tangent Thoughts
Well well well, here we go again. gmmtv the first horseman of the QL apocalypse has grace/curse us again with their presence. surely there would be something worth watching out of this branded trash fire. i will left that one het show out because i don't go there but lol, Nanon really is the last bastion for straight people huh? 🤣
รักแห่งสยาม (The Love of Siam) The Musical : i was 12 when this movie came out so i didn't watched it in theater, only catch it later online when i was in my late teen. tbh i didn't really liked it, i was knee deep in yaoi at that point so i found this movie to be a bit boring. let see how it goes but fornow... no comment.
Dare you to death ไขคดีเป็น เห็นคดีตาย : Eeh, not gonna lie i'm not feeling this one fams. joongdunk doesn't sold me as an actors that could do mystery well. i might be wrong but i'm putting this one for a maybe.
ไหนใครว่าพวกมันไม่ถูกกัน (Head 2 Head) : Only boo! did major disappointed me, and this one seems to be a basic BL so i'm not having much hope. but i still want to see how SeaKeen doing as an growing actors. i'm going to tune in for the first couple EPs then see how it goes.
Burnout Syndrome ภาวะรักคนหมดไฟ : They already got me at Off being naked, and a messy love triangle nonetheless yes plzzzz. glasses guy (i refuse to learn his name) need more workshop, he's too stiff and wooden to sell me on this messy romance he going to has with Gun.
คุณวาฬร้านชำ (Whale Store xoxo) : Its looks cute and i do like LoveMilk. another one in the show up for the couple first EPs pile.
Only Friends : Dream On : or as i dubbed Only Firends 2 These Homosexuals are about to get electrocute boogaloo. i refused to watch Only Friends season one and i will refuse this show again. .... will definitely show up for sex scenes that will get cut up an posts on twitter tho.
That Summer ผมเจอเจ้าชายบนชายหาด : NOPE! next one plz. jk this one seems boring and basic and i hate prince and princess story in thai media. cuz you know the la majeste law is a thing so they are always come from some imagined country and i just don't like that. this one goes to the never to maybe if i hear some buzz pile.
My Romance Scammer รักจริง หลังแต่ง : Sign me the fuck up! let gooo! i'm in a weddings mood and this one has Hot Ohm as a scammer and Dimple Fluke as a dumb himbo whose marriage someone after knowing them for a month. yessss! this show is specifically made for me and i will be seated! Mark and Junior also there i guess.
ความลับในบทเพลงที่บรรเลงไม่รู้จบ (Melody of Secrets) : this show is not really my style but forcebook is forcebook and i'm an easy whore. plus they did ripped my heart out in that ep of PP. i will be watching with caution cause let be real we have no faith in gmmtv to pull this kind of thing off :P
รักครูเท่าโลกเลย Love you teacher : *a loud voice of thousand people yelling Shame! Shame! in background, me tapping the mic : Perth might pull this one off y'all. LET ME COOK! hear me out hear me out this trailer is the first time that Perth feels like he understood the assignment. he looks grumpy and tired but also really in love with Santa's character. this is the first time that this boy made me feels things and i'm just happy for him. AND LET ME BE CLEAR i never read any age regression fics before in my life so this is not even in my trash turf. but idk, i feels thing and it's fluffy and nice. so i will be watching, plz don't judge me.
MU-TE-LUV โปรดใช้วิจารณญาณในการรักเธอ : uhhhhh i'll watch the kathoeys ep and that's it :P
เปย์รักด้วยแมวเลี้ยง (Cat for Cash) : i'm not a firstkhaotung boyie so idk seems like another basic one. another one to the maybe pile wooo!
Girl Rules กฎหลัก...ห้ามรักเธอ : Only Friends but for the girls, pass.
เปิดเทอมใหม่ หัวใจหัดรัก (Boys in love) : Basic highschool BL with PodPapang as a side in 4 couples show?!!? what sin did i commited huh!? gmmtv why are you doing me dirty like this. i will be watching it for the newbies and PodPapang but i will be holding a grudge the entire time.
ทำนายทายทัพ (My Magic Prophecy) : My babies are back!!! and Sea is swol, my, my. don't know what to think of it yet also wtf with all the tarot and fortune readings did someone at gmmtv is going through a divorce ??. anyway i'm a royal whore so i will be seated for this one.
หมาเห่าเครื่องบิน (A Dog and A Plane) : TAYNEW is back in a bl fucking finally!! this one seems promising with its plot and the comedy seems strong. poon also in this as a hussy and i can't be more stroke for my boy. i'm a bit worry about class disparity again cause the thai name of this show is "A dog barking at a plane" it's idiom that mean a lower class person pursuing someone out of their status. we got burned before with peaceful property so holding out hope that we'll not to going get burn again.
มีสติหน่อยคุณธีร์ (Me and Thee) : Phuwin doing comedy inner monologue?! You son of a bitch i'm in. although Fish upon the sky sucked ass in terms of plot imo it was one of the best BL comedy coming out of thailand in recent years and this show reminded me so much of that. at worst it going to be funny nonsense of a show, so what could possibly go wrong hehe (plz don't fuck this up gmmtv.)
WU : Oh hell no! this show is going to be a bromance i've learned my leason from PP and i will not going there again. its looks cool but i'm not doing it I CAN'T!
จาฤกรติชา (Memoir of Rati) : i'm not fan of period piece but this one seems angsty and queer. and maybe second time's the charm for greatinn. they also uses a cheap trick of Great's oilly naked body to lure us in like the siren song of abs and sadly that worked for me 😅
Ticket To Heaven เด็กชายไม่ไปสวรรค์ : G4 are not in a cutesy BL Wowoh! i really like the trailer for this one. the thai name for this show is "Boys/Boy don't goes to heaven" and it's make me get all the feels. i'm intrigued and excited for this one the most cause this one doesn't feels like a typical gmmtv show and against all odd i will hope they could deliver.
Welp let see, i'm excited for 5 out of what 20 shows?? oohh boy gmmtv really in the we throwing things untill something stick era ain't they. i think i'm in the more hopeful side of people whose has been burned by gmmtv. so i'm really hoping that the more unique shows that they got would actually turn out great cause despite what i've said lately about Thai BL, i'm very passionate about them and want to see them do well. i want to see Thai BL and Thai media in general to be someday be recognized on the global level, and gmmtv with all it woes is still the leading voice in this industry. i want them to learns and grow out of this idol manufacturer mindset, which maybe a wishful thinking but i'm still going to be holding up hope for a better days for Thai BL. any fucking way don't fuck Ticket To Heaven up gmmtv or i will be doing cursing ritual on you!
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“it’ll be okay.” mammon comfort
cw: very self indulgent, angst to fluff, feelings of insecurity, lack of self-care, academic burnout, self-hatred, misdirected anger, reader is just a projection of me, mild self harm (no self care)
remember to take care of yourselves. ♡
you stared at your phone in shock and anguish. you were so excited to check your grade after finishing your quiz. you thought you had done so well and…
that big bold D.
tears quickly began to fill your eyes as your heart dropped and tore into pieces. you told lucifer you were going to get that grade up and pass your class. you thought you were going to pass. now what?
you couldn’t tell lucifer. he was going to be so disappointed. maybe he’d even send you back to the human world. how could you expect to stay when you can’t even keep your grades up?
you curled up in your bed and cried, still staring at that grade. you failed. you fucking failed just like you failed at everything and-
a knock at the door and a call of your name pulled you out of your thoughts. “are you in here?” it was mammon.
“mammon, leave me alone please.” you said, sniffling.
“are you crying? i’m coming in.” he said, opening the door more.
“mammon please. leave me alone.” you said, more sternly. you didn’t bother looking up, hoping he’d just do as you said.
“don’t wanna. i’ll help you. we can get through-“
“damn it mammon, i said leave me alone!” you yelled, sitting up and glaring at him, breathing heavily. you saw the hurt in his eyes and broke out into a sob. “just go.. l-leave me alone.” you cried out, digging your palms into your eyes to stop the tears.
“i’ll come back..” he said softly before closing the door as he walked out.
your heart began to hurt badly, making you clutch your chest. you snapped at him. you didn’t mean to. god, why were you like this? he didn’t deserve that. you took out your phone and texted him.
you: mammon, i’m sorry. i didn’t mean to yell at you. [read]
great. now he was ignoring you. he hates you now. rightfully so after that outburst. negative thoughts began to swirl in your head and you couldn’t seem to escape them like you usually did.
you threw your phone somewhere on your bed out of frustration as you curled into yourself. your body shook with every breath and sob that escaped you. having the house to yourself meant you were able to freely sob, nobody having to hear your pathetic cries and worrying.
a couple hours have passed, you think, and you found yourself staring at the wall, your cheeks stained with crusted streaks where your tears had fallen. your eyes felt groggy and puffy, your head hurting from how hard you’d cried.
your stomach has been grumbling with hunger for some time now but you didn’t have the energy to do anything. you felt you didn’t deserve to alleviate the hunger you felt. as you stared at the wall, sleep finally began to take over, finding some form of escaping your sadness.
mammon had come back with bags from the store and called your name as he searched all throughout the house for you. surely you weren’t in your room anymore… right? as he trudged up the stairs, your voice yelling at him kept echoing in his mind. he shook it off, focusing on the task at hand which was checking on you.
he took a quiet breath in before knocking on your door softly. your name left his lips quietly, not wanting to startle you. no answer. were you still upset? did you hate him? he pushed those thoughts away as he slowly opened your door, finding you asleep in your bed.
he slowly and quietly made his way into your room, quietly setting the bag down on your desk before making his way to your side on the bed, crouching to see your condition. he noticed the way your tears had stained your cheeks and his heart ached. his fingers were softly moving rouge strands of hair from your face, watching as you were so peacefully asleep. it was a relieving contrast to the pain he saw in your face that made his heart ache.
he took off his shoes and jacket, setting them by your desk quietly before slowly making his way underneath your covers, laying next to you. his movements were slow and precise as to not wake you.
once you finally woke up, you found yourself in mammon’s arms, your face buried into his chest as you realized that scent that had subconsciously relaxed you was mammon. your heart clenched in your chest as you looked up to see him staring at you with a soft smile, adoration shining bright in his eyes.
“about time, ya sleepyhead.” he said softly, smiling at you. “we don’t have ‘ta talk about anything if you don’t want to..” his fingers gently scratching your scalp, “i went to the store and got ya all your favorites.” he watched as tears welled in your eyes again, his hand coming up to gently stroke your cheek.
“y-you’re not upset with me..?” you managed to say, your throat thick with guilt. your hands clutching his shirt tightly as you began to cry again.
“of course not.. you’re my human.” he said, kissing your forehead. “i don’t care that you yelled at me. you were frustrated and i shoulda seen that.”
you shook your head as your lip trembled. “it’s not your fault. ‘m sorry, mammon. i don’t know wanna lose you because i can’t control my emotions.” you said.
“you’ll never lose the great mammon, ya hear? try all you want to get rid of me but i’m not goin’ anywhere.” he said, chuckling softly as he brought you closer.
you buried your face in his chest, inhaling his scent.
“have you eaten?” he asked, looking down at you.
you shook your head guiltily, peering up at him with your cheek against his chest. “i.. couldn’t get out of bed.” you admitted.
“don’t worry your pretty little head. let your number one take care of ya.” he said as he gently kissed the top of your head. “i’ll make ya some food.” he was about to get up before you tugged his shirt.
“can i come with you?” you said, your voice soft.
mammon let out a soft chuckle. “of course silly. i’d be so bored cooking by myself.” he said, grabbing your hand and pulling you up out of bed, “come on.”
slowly but surely you started to feel better in his presence. as you sat in the kitchen with him, you began to vent on what was making you so upset.
mammon promised you he’d help you out. he’d do anything if it meant avoiding you being unhappy. he’s your first demon, it was basically his job to make sure you were okay.
#obey me#obey me mammon#obey me shall we date#obey me! swd#obey me! shall we date?#obey me!#mammon comfort#obey me! mammon comfort
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god I'm reading Devon Price's latest substack essay on burnout, and it's.. it's confirming and crystallising something that I've suspected for a long time, actually.
See, all throughout school, I would have days – roughly every month or so, sometimes two months – where I became Unwell. The symptoms never really fit anything, but I'd be exhausted, irritable, headachey, sometimes feeling kind of feverish. Most importantly, i'd just Know that I couldn't cope with school that day. I can remember these starting in middle school and getting more frequent and pressing into high school. When I did take the day off, I'd watch TV or films and sleep a lot, and then by the evening – if it wasn't a weekend night – I'd be in this weird place of feeling rested but also crushingly anxious with the knowledge that i'd just be back at school tomorrow. Holidays weren't truly restful either, except for maybe the middle two weeks of the six-week summer break. The two week Christmas and Easter breaks? I'd start to feel a bit better towards the end of the first week, then the dread would build up again throughout the second week. By my GCSEs, I couldn't keep up my academic drive, so I picked the subjects I most wanted to do well in (English, German, Biology, and History + maths because I needed to pass it so I could be done with it), focused my revision on those, and coasted by with perfunctory revision on the other seven subjects. It's honestly shocking to me that I got a full 12 GCSEs. People tell me that my results were good, and I know that logically they're right, but it took me a long time to be proud of them because I always knew that I hadn't really tried. It took me even longer to accept that if I had given every subject my all, it probably would have broken me.
As it was, I made it into my first term of college before I hit breaking point. Three A Levels (English lang & lit, history, psychology), dreams of a career in psychology or psychiatry, writing in all my spare time. I'd been very mentally unwell all through high school, but I'd always imagined that college would be my escape. First I was going to study philosophy, history, and English literature – but then that college had to drop the philosophy course. My next chosen college was an incredibly competitive college that held students to very high standards. I had the grades to get in, and I was dithering between a selection from English literature, history, classical studies, sociology, philosophy, or psychology. But I never made it in, because I missed the induction day. Students who missed the induction day automatically forfeited their placement. In hindsight, that was the first warning, but instead I felt wretched for a few days, then decided, fuck it, I was going to my final last choice college instead.
And in less than six months, I had an absolute breakdown. Anyone who was following me circa 2018 may remember the fallout. Skill regression. Low mood. Weeks spent just watching Supernatural or sleeping. Panic attacks. I never truly got my feet back under me. I dropped down to one a level and abandoned all thoughts of university, and scraped by college until I could just get out of there.
And reading this article, looking back at the trajectory of my life since 2018, it's... Eye-opening, to say the least. I don't know if I'm recovered or still recovering, or adjusting to my new baseline, nearly seven years later. Sometimes I wonder if an autism diagnosis earlier might have helped – might have given me the language and the tools to understand what was happening to me on all of those Unwell Days. So I grieve for that potential. I don't hate my life now, it's just.... I have to wonder, you know? What might have been. Could I have caught the burnout sooner? Headed it off? I don't know. I can't know. all I've got is where I'm at now, which is certainly something to be proud of, because I made it, even if I'm not anywhere near what's "normal" or "expected" of a 23 year old. and I have my whole life ahead of me yet. 23 years is nothing, in the grand scheme of things. Remembering that is always a balm.
But still I wonder. I grieve. It's hard not to.
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RE2 Leon Kennedy SFW Alphabet (N-Z)
A/N: You guys seemed to like part 1 so...Part 2 (N-Z) of the sfw alphabet is here!
Link to part 1
Warnings: None this time!
Enjoy!
N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)
Nights with him are pretty low-key. Most of the time, he likes to stay in and watch movies (he prefers them to TV shows).
After Raccoon City, he tends to get nightmares, and as a result, he gets a bit antsy at night. Because of this, he starts spending more time with you so he feels less stressed and uncomfortable.
O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)
As much as he hates talking about things from his past, such as his parents murder, it's easier for him to open up about traumatic things the better he knows and trusts someone.
He'd reveal things little by little or very slowly, never all at once, and unfortunately, as time goes on, he becomes more closed off and private about these types of things.
P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)
He's not a hot-tempered guy by any means, so not very quick to anger. That doesn't mean he wouldn't get angry at all.
As for what makes him particularly angry, I feel like any sort of injustice or mistreatment of others would be enough to get him riled up.
I also think he'd often say things he wouldn't mean in the heat of the moment. He would always make sure to at least apologize if he said something he'd regret later.
Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)
He would have a pretty sharp memory. Can remember names, faces, an even dates without having to think about it too much. However, this doesn't mean that he doesn't forget every once in a while.
During the first year that you two knew each other, he forgot your birthday until you subtly reminded him that evening.
"OH! That was today???"
You tell him that it's okay and not to worry about it. The next day, he shows up at your door with a teddy bear, store-bought cupcakes and a birthday card ready to give to you.
R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)
His favorite moment was the moment he first realized he was in love with you. You happened to be out with a group of friends and you were the only one who laughed at his terrible puns.
He didn't realize at first, but after going home that night, you were pretty much the only thing he could think about.
S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)
VERY protective of those he cares about. He managed to make a career out of protecting people (or so he thought he could), so he’s naturally protective in nature.
As for him being protected. He always tells you that he’s fine and doesn’t need to be protected.
However, even in dire situations, like when he’s hurt/injured, you’ve still got his back regardless of how he feels about being protected in the moment. He still appreciates you greatly for this.
T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)
Makes sure to put his best effort into everything he does. From showering you with gifts and affection, to making sure he does his job the best he possibly can.
Unfortunately, all this effort he puts in over the years will eventually come with the cost of stress and burnout.
Luckily, you and everyone else who cares about him in his life is there to help him and encourage him not to overdo things.
U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)
A bad habit of his is that he’s never been a very good driver. Sometimes you wonder how he even got his license.
One of the things that specifically makes him a bad driver is that he drives waayy too fast. Like you could look down at the speedometer and he’ll be going almost 90 in a 65 mph zone.
“OMG!! Slow down, Leon!”
He’ll just respond so nonchalantly like, “Hehe oopsie daisies”
V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)
I think he’d be a little insecure of the fact that he’s got a baby face and looks very pretty for a guy.
But other than that, he’s very keen on keeping himself looking neat and tidy at the same time.
I also think he wouldn’t really have one of those 10-step skincare routines either. Like people are always asking him what he washes his face with and he’s just like “soap and water” lol
W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)
He wouldn’t really realize it at first, but as time goes on. I think he’d really come to appreciate each time you’re with him and that he actually feels more content when he’s by your side.
So whenever you have to leave him for a while, he can't help but feel a bit lonely, or like he's missing something.
X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)
I headcanon that he's a music lover. Has a secret soft spot for 80s music, especially since he would have been a kid in the 1980s. It just reminds him of a simpler time.
When he got to be in his teen years, he definitely took a liking to 90s rock, specifically grunge. I also think he has a decent-sized collection of CDs, including some that he would keep in his car.
Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)
In terms of partners, he's not that picky. There are definitely things he'd find unattractive in a partner, but because he's still a tad inexperienced, there isn't much. I feel like he would be more about personality than anything else.
As for things he wouldn't like. He loves food and will basically eat anything, but he absolutely hates spinach (this is totally not me projecting lol)
Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habits of theirs?)
As mentioned before, he gets frequent nightmares after the events of Raccoon City. He's also a very restless and light sleeper and often ends up in weird sleeping positions.
On a cuter note, I think as a kid, he slept with a stuffed animal. Specifically a stuffed dog. He still has it in a closet somewhere, as he didn't have the heart to truly get rid of it.
And...That's it! I hope you guys enjoyed. Feel free to request other characters for me to do hcs for if you feel so inclined to! (This also includes characters other than Resident Evil characters too!)
#resident evil#re2#re2 remake#re2 leon#leon kennedy#resident evil headcanons#sfw alphabet#fluff#now its time for me to stop procrastinating and finish my post-re2 fic lol
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The guy next door
Millions Knives x GN Reader
Synopsis: you're a stressed and overworked college student with a neighbor who likes to get on you about self care
Warnings: none really? slight mentions of food deprivation
─── · 。゚☆: *.☽ .* :☆゚. ───
"How much longer are you going to continue to toss in your sleep?"
You sighed heavily, picking up the phone and staring angrily at the screen. "If you hate it so much, you can either: A. hang up or B. come over and bring some food, cause I'm hungry," Huffing as you rolled onto your back, you got out of bed and trudged across the room, stretching. "Specifically a turkey sandwich, make sure you panini press it." The clock read ten past midnight, and insomnia was a bitch. You opened the door to enter the hallway towards the kitchen. A massive project was due at the end of the week, but you figured you couldn't get anything done with the burnout you were experiencing.
Nai scoffed, his voice loud from being on speaker mode. "I would sooner be shot in the leg than deliver you any package at this hour. Do you not have any food in your apartment?" You could basically feel his irritation radiating from the screen.
"Uh... would a spoonful of oregano count? If we're feeling spicy, we can just do a glass of water." You silently laughed, putting the phone on a table and flicking the lights on. Food was never a priority considering how much work you always were having to catch up on (procrastination). Eating became an afterthought to allow yourself more time to sit hunched over your laptop, typing countless essays. Unfortunate, but there wasn't much you could do about it. There was a knock on the front door as you passed the living room. Who the hell... You cautiously walked over and looked through the peephole. Huh. A big grin was on your face as you opened the door, arms crossed. "Well, look who it is."
Nai pursed his lips as he shoved a paper bag into your hands. "The thought of you standing in your kitchen, shoving fistfuls of spices into your mouth, was too pathetic to bear," He stepped inside and looked around your messy apartment in distaste. "Did I not just clean this last week?"
He had, in fact, cleaned the living room last week, including the rest of the house, but you played deaf, humming as you followed him. The two of you have been neighbors for months, his place next to yours, which is how he came over so quickly. Irritating him was your favorite pastime, half because of his reaction and the other because you loved being close to him. You would never admit that to him, though; he would never let you live it down. But none of this really explained why he had your food prepared as soon as you'd asked. Maybe he was some kind of off-brand supernatural speed demon and happened to do it fast? You wouldn't put it past him.
He suddenly stopped walking, and you bumped into him, hissing as you grabbed your head in pain. Why was his back built like concrete? "Ugh, you good? Kind of hard to walk if you're just gonna stand in the middle of the hallway like that."
A slight scowl was on his face as he turned to face you, having just now entered the kitchen. There were piles of dishes in the sink and boxes of delivery everywhere, most notably cheap Chinese takeout (orange chicken got you through writer's block). You hadn't had time to clean recently; more often than not, you were just eating to feed your brain and then going straight back to work.
Sitting down and actually enjoying a meal hasn't been a reality ever since you started university. There just wasn't enough time. "I thought we agreed that you would buy groceries this week."
You shrugged, going to set the paper bag down on the counter. "I can last a few more days without them. There are leftovers from what I hadn't finished yet," When you pulled out the container of food, a smile came on your face again. Not only had Nai made your sandwich, but he had given you a side of salad, along with freshly cut fruit. He always ensured you had nutrients instead of just fats and grease in your meals. "How did you end up making this so quickly anyways?"
"I had it already made. I assumed you would be neglecting your basic human needs, and I was proven right once again."
What a smartass. Rolling your eyes, you sat down to eat your food. As you took a bite of the sandwich, you sighed happily and closed your eyes in satisfaction. He was a smartass, but damn, could he cook. You popped an apple slice into your mouth and glanced at him, getting a trash bag to clean up. "You really don't have to do that. It's not your responsibility," All you got was a grunt in response, making you laugh softly. "For someone who complains everytime he does it, you always insist on cleaning up after me."
You rested your elbows on the table, cradling your head in your hands as you stared at him. He looked really good for someone who was half asleep at 12 am. He always insisted on wearing a tight black turtleneck to bed, no matter what. Your eyes rolled over the crevices of his flexing back muscles as he picked up trash. Had he been working out more? How did he even find the time? Nai took as many classes as you did, but he always seemed one step ahead of his work, all while balancing a healthy routine as well. He went on runs, played piano in his spare time, and even meal prepped.
In some ways, you envied him. To have your life put together in that way seemed impossible for you. "You know, I never call anybody," He stopped moving and turned his head to look at you, but you kept talking, not even paying attention. "I get too anxious for that, so I prefer texting. But for some reason, you always insist on doing these nightly calls, even when we see each other every other day. Why? Especially when you always complain about me tossing and turning." You said playfully as you took another bite of your sandwich. Why did he have to be so good at cooking too? Fuck.
There was silence as he got up to tie the garbage bag and wash his hands. You glanced around the kitchen, which looked remarkably cleaner. All he did was pick up trash, which looked better than when you did chores for a full day. Who the hell was this dude?
As Nai dried his hands off, you finished your food, sighing contentedly. Then, a sudden wave of exhaustion washed over your body as you started to sway. He grabbed your shoulder, keeping you from almost hitting your head on the table. You weren't even phased as he picked you up and carried you in his arms back to your room like you weighed nothing. Guess the all-nighters finally caught up to you. He glanced down at you as he made his way to the back of the apartment, but you barely noticed due to how tired you were. There was a comfortable quietness between you two, as there always was. Sometimes, words didn't need to be said; his presence was enough. Again, you would never say this out loud. He would become insufferable. What a bitch.
As he stepped into your room, he delicately placed you on your bed, and you yawned, laying your head on the pillow. Jesus, you really were exhausted. As your eyelids started to flutter shut, you felt something touching your face. You looked up to see Nai's finger caressing your cheek with an unreadable expression. He then spoke quietly, "You are one of the only people who attempt to converse with me. I never understood why; I am not a fun person to talk to." He leaned over and got closer to your face, meeting your gaze. "However, I've grown fond of you regardless. And as such, I've also started to enjoy hearing your voice, which is why I call you."
You stared at him, suddenly wide awake. He was never one to talk about himself, much less his feelings. The two of you never had such intimate conversations, and on the rare occasion you did, it was always you ranting to him as he quietly listened. To hear him confess his true motives like this, it felt foreign. But it also made you... happy?
"As insufferable as you are, to be without you is like torture. I feel the urge to care for you and keep you safe. I clean up your apartment because I know you won't do it yourself. I make your favorite meals because you deprive yourself of things you need to stay alive. It's an integral part of my life that I can't bear to part with, and I want to keep cherishing you like this as long as I can. Because I care about you. More than you'll ever realize," He gives you a small kiss on the forehead as he stands up to leave. "Now rest, and I'll come to visit you in the morning." As he leaves, you roll over on your back to stare at the ceiling. He likes you. Holy shit, he likes you. Dear god.
A/N: i was NOT expecting so many people to find my account already LMAO, i'm honored
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burnout ; jw
john wick / reader 672 words ; angst other tags: mutual pining, right person wrong time, john and reader are in their 30s <3 pls do not repost!!
It shouldn’t be like this, John thinks to himself, feeling sick to the stomach. Still, he keeps his expression pleasant. He is your friend. He should be happy. He should be supportive. You look radiant.
“He proposed last Friday,” you grin, holding your hand out to show him the ring. It’s not ugly, but John would’ve chosen something different. It just doesn’t capture your personality, but he keeps his thoughts to himself. “I wanted to tell you sooner, but I didn’t want to do it over the phone since it’s pretty big news.”
You stare at the ring with a small smile in your face, but John can tell that you’re lost in thought. The unreadable look in your eyes is the only thing that pushes him to ask. “Are you happy?” He says carefully. You blink in surprise, the strange look in your eyes giving way to confusion.
“Are you happy?” John repeats, and the smile in your face falters.
“What do you mean?” You laugh lightly, but he doesn’t buy it. “I’ve just gotten engaged, John. Of course I am.”
The noise from the rest of the coffee shop seems to disappear as he looks into your eyes, searching. You look put-together, like you always are, but there is a weariness in your posture. You alternate between fidgeting with your mug and your ring, and your smile doesn’t reach your eyes. Suddenly, that look in your eyes isn’t as unreadable as he thought.
“You look unsure,” he says softly.
“I look tired,” you correct. “I couldn’t sleep last night. I was working through some stuff.”
Another lie. John decides to let it slide this once. “So when’s the wedding?” He changes the topic, and your posture relaxes marginally.
“Matt wants it to be a summer wedding, somewhere with a beach, maybe?” You say brightly, and John already knows you’re overcompensating. “I wanted it to be in either spring or—”
“Fall,” John finishes, taking a sip of his coffee. “I thought you hated the idea of a summer wedding, much less one at a beach. What changed?”
“Well, Matt really likes the idea, so I guess it’s not that bad?” You shrug, and John can feel his free hand clench underneath the table.
“You don’t seem that excited,” he points out, and you grimace. It tells him what he needs to know.
He wants to grab your shoulders and shake you so you can come to your senses. He wants to tell you that it should be him instead. He wants.
Instead, John reminds himself of his reality: he is an assassin and you are a civilian. Being with him is a death sentence, and this is the best possible situation he could ask for. You are safe and away from him, with someone to care for you. John can keep tabs on you from afar, and everyone is happy.
That is the lie John must tell himself.
“For what it’s worth, congratulations,” he says sincerely. “I wish you two the best.”
For a moment, nothing is said. The two of you lock eyes, and his heart lurches at the way his own yearning is mirrored in your eyes. He toys with the idea of being the one to marry you instead—to be standing by the altar with you by his side, to exchange rings and vows with you, to spend the rest of his life with you. He considers confessing now, considers telling you how much he loves you so he can whisk you away from that idiot who can’t be bothered to learn what you like.
The moment passes.
“Thank you, John.” Your voice is warm but resolute. He knows—you know—that this is the end.
It should have been me, John thinks to himself. It could have been me.
The sunlight catches on your ring, and John rips out the seedling of hope you had planted in his heart. When the two of you part ways, he leaves his dreams of a quiet life with you.
hello!!! first jw fic here hehe hope you guys enjoy!! this is actually the alternate ending of a much larger fic i'm currently writing, so if you liked this, maybe keep an eye out for that one <3 i'll be crossposting this on ao3 as well.
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