#I had to update it since my spotify playlist was a little different than my personal playlist

[rozugold]

share the clingy playlist we all need it 🥺👉👈/nf

Yess here you go

[endereies]

FUCK IT - MATT STURNIOLO - PART 6

Spotify Playlist:

Pairing: Matt x Oc

Contains: Growing up with parents who make her feel isolated, what happens when she meets Matt. A person who introduces her to new people, new experiences and new feelings.

Requested?: no

Author's notes: I'm finally finished with school for the break so I should be updating a little quicker over the next 2 weeks.

Word Count: 3265

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5

“Is this something we are meant to do?”

“Fuck it.”

“Okay, so, we submit this on Monday and we still have four scenes to analyse and then two exam questions to go through.” Matt mumbles as he places his back down next to me in the library and unsheathes a load of sheets, more are crumpled than ones that aren’t. The amount of them excelling the more meetings we had after school.

“We can get that done in a weekend, right?” My voice tainted with uncertainty. I had got to the library fifteen minutes before him so all my work was already displayed out in front of me with scribbles of different coloured pen one each of them.

“right.”

We were a little bit behind in our project since the majority of our meetups end in us just talking about random things or playing music with our home equipment. I would borrow Chris’s old guitars which was covered in a metallic red with black strings. The picks he bought matched perfectly dividing the red and black shades with lines of silver. Matt’s drumkit was similar to the school’s own designs yet on the base drum was the name ‘sturniolo’ in a faded midnight blue. Each drum fastened with the same blue wrapped around them. He had custom drum sticks too, fading from the original beige wood to a dyed neon-blue. The vibrancy capturing my attention every time, I bet he knew that to with the amount he’d smirk at me when he noticed me staring.

It's why we planned on staying in the library to finish the project, hopefully none of us get distracted. That’s if Matt stopped tapping his pen on the table.

“Matt.” My tone is stern as I frown still facing the pages of my book. He was too distracted in his ‘mini-concert’ that I grabbed his wrist firmly, which made his pen fall out his hand and onto the wooden desk below him.

He stammers a little as I glare at him and raise an eyebrow at him.

“The fuck did I do?”

“If you keep tapping that fucking pen on the desk, I will snap it in half.” I hold eye contact until I’m finished speaking and I let go of his wrist, watching his circulation fade back.

“And yet, you can do it all the time.” He smirks at me again and I retort by scoffing.

“When I’m in class and have nothing to do…you haven’t written anything for 10 minutes.”

“Normally by now we are playing music at our houses, this is a long ass day and this is only making it longer.” A sigh escapes my lips and I drop my pen, lean back for a moment and fold my arms loosely across my chest.

“Okay. If you work with me until six, I’ll buy you lunch all of next week.”

“Ain’t no way, you aren’t serious.”

“And you can get whatever you wish, no matter the cost, doesn’t even have to the food on campus.” I interject him by cutting him off and leaning closer over the table.

“Fine. Deal.” He holds out his hand in front of me and I look up at him with a blank expression.

“What are we, in 6th grade? I’m not shaking your hand.” I roll my eyes to him to just pick up my pen and start writing again.

“Damn, you’re no fun.”

“No…I just happened to hit puberty.” I click my tongue inside my mouth

I feel his glare on me before he continues to work on the papers in front of him. I take out my small white case and take out one of my headphones and pick up my phone to play some music in to them. I don’t bother checking what playlist I click on and immediately blast heavy dubstep into my ears, loud enough to make Matt pay attention to me again and giggle when I jump from the volume. I spam the volume control and turn it down rapidly until I can tolerate it. Matt immediately looks away from me, trying not to laugh when I hold my gaze on him for a few seconds.

-

“Is it nearly six, Alyia. My hand is fucking cramping up.” Matt whines for the fourth time in ten minutes.

“Like I said two minutes ago, no. Besides you have yet to finish of that question and it’s been nearly thirty minutes.”

“I don’t understand how you’ve been writing for that long without taking a break.”

“I want to get this finished; I don’t exactly want all this effort to go down the drain. I’ve stayed up too many nights for this.”

“Really…?” His voice filled with concern as his smirk and joke-filled demeanour faded quickly.

“What.”

“I would’ve done more of you asked me to…you didn’t have to stay up for any of it.” I interject him before he can continue

“Matt. I have more time than you, the project’s getting done. Does it really matter?” I look up to him, dropping my pen for the first time in a while.

“Of course it matters, you need sleep Alyia.”

“I also need this project done.” He sighs and rolls his eyes at me, returning the glares I’ve been giving him all night.

“Promise me you’ll relax after the project is due and let me finish off the last two questions.”

“You really like your promises, huh?” My page fills the silence as it crumples, getting caught on itself, making me purse my lips as I try to fix it before continuing to write.

“Alyia.” He grabs the pen out my hand and places it far from my reach and I narrow my eyes at him again. “I mean that, let me handle the rest of it and get some rest. Please.” I raise my eyebrow at him.

“I’ll sleep appropriately, fine, but I’m writing the last question. You can happily take the other one if you so desire.”

“Thank you. I’m not having your sleep decrease because you don’t want to ask for help.” His words make me raise my voice at him.

“What do you mean by that.”

“I don’t recall me stuttering. You have been sacrificing your sleep because you didn’t want to ask me to do a little more work.” He leans in to me, as if he is mocking me and I scoff.

“Not true.” My words mumble, subconsciously knowing he is right.

“Whatever, look it has gone six now, c’mon. We can work on this later on.” He shuffles papers together and stuffs them into his bag, lacking organisation which makes me stare at his back with a slightly shocked expression.

I follow his actions, however, and with a heavy sigh I put all my work in a pile, putting the sheets in between two books to keep them straight.

“You want to hang out later or something?” He slings his backpack over his shoulder and looks back at me.

“Hang out, me and you somewhere. I would recommend my place but Nick is there with Chris and Madi.”

“I know a place we could go if you want? I haven’t been there in a while so I don’t know how overgrown it is.”

“Wait wait. Did you say overgrown, what kind of fucking place is this.” Matt waits for me to catch-up to him and I walk slightly faster so he doesn’t have to wait so long.

“Amery Grove? There is a line of old houses at the back that people kind of forgot about, maybe like twenty years ago? I’m not sure.” Matt gaze falls to me as I start to ramble, simply listening to my words.

“Well, anyway, about two years ago a few of my friends and I decided to fix a few of them up during the summer. We didn’t decorate or anything but we cleaned old furniture and threw out what we didn’t need. While it wasn’t the prettiest, we hung out there a lot.”

“So, you just went to abandoned buildings and fixed them?” He keeps walking and opens doors in front of me as I keep talking. When he does, I quickly walk through them and turn to face Matt, proceeding to talk with my hands.

“Yeah, it was fun, even if our skills were mediocre, it made for good hangouts and a few parties.”

“You go to parties?” He gives me a side eye and I roll my eyes in response.

“Not as much anymore, I went when I had more friends to talk to and less schoolwork on my back. Maybe at some point…”

-

“Cmon you are slow” I drag out my words and groan as I get more excited, wanting to jump up and down to reduce the amount of energy but instead I shake my hands around.

“Jesus Alyia, I’m just putting our bags in here, I’m not carrying all of this across the Grove.” He arranges the bags in the back seats like some real-life game of Tetris. After another minute or so he finally shuts the car door and locks it.

“Okay I’m done, let’s go.” He puts his keys back by his belt and returns to my side.

“I haven’t been here in a while, so no promises on how clean it’ll be.”

“I’m sure it’s fine.” He smiles at me briefly before focusing on walking through some reasonably tall grass.

The trail I normally use is more overgrown than what I used to walk through so as we walk, we use old trees to climb past different areas and our feet to stamp on brambles and stinging nettles. It is pitch-black outside by this point so we are using our phone’s flashlights to guide our way through the trail. Leaves hang down from nearby trees and I start to wish I brought my jacket with me.

I place my feet onto a tree stump and try to climb over a fallen branch, but when my weight switches feet, I slip on some moss and fall backwards from the stump. My phone drops from my hand and the flashlight goes into my eyes, making me close them. I place my hands back to support myself for when I hit the floor but I never do. Instead, a tight grip snakes around to the side my waist and upper back, slowly pushing my body back to stand straight.

“Woah woah, are you alright…” I open my eyes to see Matt looking down at me with concerned eyes. I can barely make it out since he dropped his phone and its flashlight instantly to catch me. His chain dangles above my face and once I stand up properly, he uses one of his hands to push his hair back, keeping the other on my waist.

“Uh huh…” I regain my focus and brush myself off and pick up our phones from the damp grass. “Thanks”

“Of course,” He takes his phone back, brushing off the debris, continuing to walk ahead of me and over the branch I just slipped on. “You need to be more careful, sweetheart.”

It’s that fucking nickname again.

-

“Here we are!” I run ahead of Matt and smile bright at the few houses on a quiet lit up street.

“Its still the same…” I smile to myself, remembering how I used to run around here.

“Yeah? I think it looks fucking awesome.” He circles around me looking at the few houses, clearly seeing a difference between the ones I fixed up and the ones I left.

“Really?”

“Really. Y’know…maybe one day we could fix one up?” I turn my head a little too quickly to face him, who was already smiling at me.

“You wanna? Like, for real?” He simply nods to me before walking off to look at one of the houses closest to us.

I run to catch up to him again and I grab his wrist to show him inside one of the houses. The inside walls occasionally spotted with carvings of names and dates, ripping through worn out wallpaper. Unfinished projects left abandoned, mostly within the kitchen. I pick up an old and now rusted hammer and spin it around in my hands, recalling the last use of it going towards a leg of an old chair that lay on its side next to it. A bittersweet smile covers my face the more I venture the house, with Matt always following right behind, dragging his fingers across old cabinets and cupboards.

“you guys did so much work in here…” He picks up old projects that remain unfinished and analyze them one by one, awe showing within his eyes. “Why did you ever stop this?”

“We stopped being as close I guess...nothing personal to one another, just different schools and points in our lives. I still have contact but no one really talks as much anymore.” I quiet my voice and sit down on one of the chairs and put down the hammer.

“None of us ever took that personally, we just drifted. Miss it all like hell though.”

Matt stays quiet for a moment, just looking at me with slight pity.

“That’s a shame, especially since nothing even happened that you could’ve changed.” The distance between us closes as I stand up again but I simply keep walking towards the bottom of the stairs before I slowly walk up them.

Matt pov:

I follow her up the stairs, stepping where she did in case any areas are weak enough to break, but once I put that focus into the decor upstairs, I stand still. The upstairs was so much nicer, covered in intact wallpaper and furniture that made it seem like someone actually lived there. More carvings were decorating the walls and less tools were on the floors. I take in more of what’s around me, admiring the hard work.

Hearing the stories about her old friends make me smile but also makes me wonder why she is more closed off to people now.

We start to wonder around the different areas that she decorated and I admire the craftsmanship and efforts they put in to it.

“We can chill up here if you want?” Alyia points to a balcony that is guarded by a wooden fence, a few old chairs are stacked up and leant against the glass door and I walk through.

“Can I ask why you took me here, not that I hate it or anything. Just…if this place reminds you of your friends, why bring me here.” Alyia’s face falters slightly and I feel bad for bringing them up.

“This place has many memories but I feel stuck whenever I come here, and I love this place. I don’t want to come back here and feel self-pity when I see those carvings on the walls.”

“I meant it by the way.”

“Meant what Matt?” I look up at her before looking over the edge and down onto the weakly lit street.

“Fixing a place up with you, could be fun.” I smile at her before looking back over the edge and laying my arms on the wooden fence, trying not to apply a lot of weight onto it.

“I have no idea if any of the lighting still works properly, a few faulty lights here and there but nothing major enough to set anything up properl-“

“So? We have already walked through here in the dark easily enough, besides we don’t have to come here only at night.”

I turn back to look inside the house but my vision is slightly impaired from looking at the street lights too long. I change my point of view and glance down to my phone to check the time.

9:24pm

“Shit, it’s kind of late, do you parents want you back at a certain time?” I message Chris and Nick an apology after seeing the copious number of texts and missed calls.

“Uhm no, I can be back whenever” She trails off and I remember the phone call she had at my place.

“Oh…is she not home again?” I receive a small nod in return.

“You can stay over if you want to?”

“No, it’s okay I have things to do anyway…” She avoids eye-contact with me but I try not to question anything

“Alright then, should we head back, I’m being attacked by Nick so much” I see her smile as I finish speaking and just stands up and starts to walk back to the stairs.

-

“Just here, okay?” I turn the wheel and look through my window for any parking on the edge of the road.

“Yeah, this is perfect, thanks again” She thanks me for the millionth time tonight.

“Kid, I’ve already said it’s okay to drive you places.” I finish parking which makes the car tilt slightly as it reaches over the curb.

“Goodnight Matt.”

“Yeah, goodnight.”

The drive back to my place was quite bleak, even when I turned aux on, none of the songs fit the mood I was in. Whatever that mood was. I just focused on the road ahead and the way the lights shone through my windshield and lit up areas in my car like a mini disco. I sigh when I hit another red light and pull the cable from my phone and I resort to the radio music. It immediately blares and I turn it down quickly to a volume quiet enough for some background audio.

I should hate you – Gracie Abrams

It was already half way through the song but I let it play none-the-less, letting the calm guitar fill the car. The quiet and soft vocals relaxed me and I was able to take a deep breath that didn’t result from frustration.

I notice the song fading out just as I pull into the road that I live on so I turn the radio off completely as to not ruin my mood, but as soon as I step inside it gets dampened anyway.

“Oh my God, Matt. Where were you!” I drop my keys into a small bowl and I instantly get bombarded by Nick’s concerned voice.

“Out.”

“Out? Is that all you have to say. You said you were revising the project until six and then you would be home. It is nearly half ten and this is the first we have heard from you!” he starts to exclaim and honestly, I can’t blame him for the way he is acting

“I went somewhere with Alyia…that’s all. I guess we lost track of time.” I mumble quietly, knowing I’m in the wrong but I’m not going to apologize for having a good time.

“I’m not saying you can’t hang out with people, just let us know, okay? It could be three am for all I care but as long as I have some form of communication. You had us worried…” Nick takes a deep breath and looks down to the floor.

“I’m sorry, I should’ve said something…Where is Chris?” I try and change the subject to lessen the amount I get yelled at.

“He’s asleep upstairs, he wanted to wait for you but he was exhausted after hockey so I refused to let him.”

I look up to Nick and give him a tight-lipped smile, feeling guilt twinge inside briefly.

“You better go have a shower or something, you’re covered in dirt, Matt.”

“Yeah, I will…sorry again.” Nick simply hugs me tight.

“It’s alright, just don’t let me stay up again.” He punches my arm lightly and we smile at each other.

© ENDEREIES 2024

@melliflws @axolotllover225 @yuhayeee @st7rnioioss @sturn-bugz @sturniolosmind @worldlxvlys @patscorner @breeloveschris @y0urm4m @bernardsbendystraws @junnniiieee07

[randomvarious]

1990s House Playlist

Got some adds this week for this 1990s house playlist that I’m slowly building. At some point down the line it’s going to be, by far, my longest playlist, but we’re not even close to reaching that point yet 😅.

The two adds for the Spotify version come from Warp Records, who appear to have opened up some more of their catalog to Spotify since the last time I updated this playlist. Warp is synonymous with the explosion of IDM and ambient techno, putting that stuff on the map with an incredible 1992 compilation called Artificial Intelligence, but around that same time, they also released a less appreciated comp for the acid warehouse crowd called Tequila Slammers and the Jump Jump Groove Generation, which features a bunch of sick early 90s house bangers. Some of them were already on this playlist, but with this update, I was also able to add “You Can’t Stop the Groove,” by Coco Steel & Lovebomb, and “Happiness,” by Nightmares on Wax, the latter of whom is way more known as a downtempo and trip hop entity than a house one. And both tunes are currently sitting at under 1,000 plays, so let’s change that!

Coco Steel & Lovebomb - “You Can’t Stop the Groove” Nightmares on Wax - “Happiness”

And those two songs have been on the YouTube version of this playlist since jump, but I also added a couple others to it that aren’t on Spotify as well with this update. First is a song that comes off of a comp I have been repeatedly posting about every Sunday now for the past month or so: the FFRR label’s California Dreaming, a 1993 release that showcased an eclectic crop of psychedelic cyberhippy electronic music that was emanating out of the Golden State at the time. This song is by a Bay Area native named Aquatherium (he’s also gone by B. McCarthy), and it’s an early 90s, hypnotic, tribal house, floor-filling monster called “Feelin’ Real Good (Aqua’s Trance Mix).” And across its couple different uploads on YouTube, it’s currently sitting at about 4,800 plays. Pretty low!

And the other add is the most obscure of this batch, one that a certain someone had to upload to YouTube themselves. It comes off a 1999 12-inch compilation from the Paris-based Basenotic Records called Bakchich EP #4 and it’s by a guy who’s originally from Chicago named James Curd, who, earlier in his career, went by Jimminy Cricket. His song’s called “Testing & Balancing” and uses a bunch of pitched-up samples from the Al Green early 70s soul classic, “Love and Happiness.” And it’s only at a little over 100 plays, so give it some love!

Aquatherium - “Feelin’ Real Good (Aqua’s Trance Mix)” Jimminy Cricket - “Testing & Balancing”

Playlist is also on YouTube Music.

So, here’s where we currently are with this thing: the Spotify version of this playlist is currently at 15 songs and is an hour and 45 minutes long, but the YouTube version is nearly double that, with 29 songs at almost 3 and a half hours. Yet another electronic genre and decade that the Spotify library is severely lacking in 🥱. So, you know which of these two options is the better one.

Enjoy this update!

More to come, eventually! Stay tuned!

Like what you hear? Follow me on Spotify and YouTube for more cool playlists and uploads!  

[moreclaypigeons]

Things that may make me eligible for an autism diagnosis:

166k minutes on Spotify last year

75 page long document with like half my APUSH notes typed up

Told my friend she can't make up data on a packet for bio cause accurate data is more important than data that "makes sense" and that we need to have scientific integrity as if we aren't literally high schoolers trying to get an assignment done

Point out random birds and try to identify them

Have over 300 playlists and they're organized in a very specific folder system

My mom said that as a kid I always hated loud noises unless I was the one making them

Always feel like I don't fit in with a group

Take thorough notes during DND?

Kept all my notebooks since sixth grade (have been going thru and trying to only keep important stuff)

Taking dedicated notes to a podcast relisten because I NEED to update the TAZ wiki or else

Individually downloaded all 600 images from the original wiki so I could migrate it to a better platform

Detest yogurt. Like if I smell it I will gag. Refuse to eat sour cream, whipped cream, and beans and will barely withstand if they have touched the other food I want to eat. Side note my mom is also like this with different foods....

Did not like wearing shirts with sequins, or jeans, as a kid. Made my mom cut out the tags.

Made little table spreadsheet things for the potential schedules my friends and I would have in sophomore year

Filled like five+ pages of a notebook with notes comparing Disney's Hercules to actual myths

Had a 19 page long notes document for a 10 page long assignment

Say shit like "alas" and "methinks"

Meowed a lot as a kid, like up until I was 10. And hissing

As a kid I didn't yawn like a person I yawned like a cat cause I would copy the way my cat yawned and stick my tongue out

[callunavulgari]

Scrapbook 2024 | June

And we're back on schedule. Recs at the bottom, as always. To be updated throughout the month.

For anyone that’s new to this, this is how I keep track of all of the things that I enjoy and/or create throughout the year. I have literally been doing this since I had a livejournal.

It’s a nice little snippet of my life and helps to organize my brain.

A reminder:

Normal font - Indifferent/Neutral Italicized font - Enjoyed bold font - Loved with an asterisk* - All time favorite (bracketed titles) - Re-watches/Re-reads strikethough - Disliked

Goals are: read 70 books and write at least 50k of original content.

Past Years

MOVIES

Challengers

Godzilla Minus One

Velvet Buzzsaw

(The Lego Movie)

(LotR: Fellowship)

TV SHOWS

(The Owl House, s1, s2, s3)

(Gravity Falls, s2)

Derry Girls

Bridgerton, s3

3 Body Problem

YOUTUBE CHANNELS

Beryl Shereshewsky

Inga Lam

BOOKS

The Pairing by Casey McQuiston** [Fin]

Gwen & Art Are Not In Love by Lex Croucher [Fin]

My Heart is a Chainsaw by Stephen Jones [Fin]

PODCASTS

The Magnus Protocol* (!!!!!!!!!)

(The Magnus Archives)

VIDEO GAMES

Stardew Valley, Dipper - all the hours

POSTED FIC

N/A

WIPS | UNPUBLISHED | ORIGINAL

Misc for Big Bang

Misc for Star Wars Steddie

Misc for Siren Steddie

Misc for Stevie PWP

Fanmixes/Spotify Playlists/Graphics

BB Brochure for SteddieBB Promo

out there (somewhere) in the woods

FIC RECS

backslide by spqr | Challengers | Art/Patrick | 4k | “So,” Patrick says, after an awkward minute. “I’m still your emergency contact.”

brutalizer by spqr | Challengers | Art/Tashi/Patrick | 8k | “If you win tomorrow,” Tashi tells Patrick, "I’ll let you fuck him.”

a romantic fool by spqr | Challengers | Art/Tashi/Patrick | 10k | “She’s not yours, Art. She’s Patrick’s.” Art just laughs. “You think I don’t know she’s fucking Patrick’s?”

fire & holy smoke by spqr | Challengers | Art/Patrick | 10k | “My doubles partner sprained his ankle,” is what he says, standing in the tunnel to the locker rooms, feet bare in slides and hands twisted up in the hem of his t-shirt. “I was hoping you could tap in.”

blue skies over suburbia by Thisusernameisunavailable | Stranger Things | Steddie | 7k | E | Eddie has a reputation for selling exactly what the boys of Hawkins High are searching for- with a bonus prize if you're lucky and happen to be Steve Harrington.

secrets in the night by kazhan | ST | Billy/Eddie | 7k | Wanna bet? is a familiar taunt between them; it’s fun, mostly harmless, and Eddie is always happy to take Billy up on it.

A word, a look, will be enough by feyburner | Batman | Tim/Jason | 14k | Hey. This is Jason. I have a favor to ask. You can say no.

It’s like a hundred ninety-nine degrees by feyburner | Batman | Tim/Jason | 6k | He can’t remember how it started, later.

Can't Wait Anymore by Miku | ST | Steve/Eddie | 29k | ‘Heaven’ he thinks before a tinge of his snark breaks through with a scoffed ‘hospital’ . He passes out before he can decide which part of himself to believe; the nihilistic young adult, or the frightened child.

favorite song by kazhan | ST | Billy/Eddie | 31k | Billy Hargrove is everything Eddie despises: a jock, popular and always with a different girl on his arm, a mean, loud asshole who walks around like he both owns the place and hates being here and everyone around him.

King For A Day by entanglednow | ST | Steddie | 12k | Steve stumbles across something unexpected while trying to close up Scoops, and learns that he and Eddie Munson have more in common than he thought.

FANVID RECS

Eddie Munson; So What

Rage cannot stay inside.

DUNE | Feyd-Rautha Harkonnen

(Dune) Lady Jessica | Holy War

MUSIC RECS

this playlist

citta vuota - mina

labyrinth - miracle musical

stalker's tango - autoheart

cog in the machine - franklyn lubsey

[notebookmusical]

Hi! I'm sorry you're still not feeling well. It seems like it really sucks I hope you were still able to have a good and fun weekend with your friend though! I hope the new medication helped as well but from your latest update, it seems like it didn't. Aww I really hope you feel better before your birthday and the holidays coming up. I've never had black forest cake I don't think..or is that the one with cherry filling in the middle? If it is, then I have and I think it's yummy too. I do love Oreo cake, vanilla, and just plain chocolate or double chocolate. But I have a lot of favorite desserts too..but it's mostly brownies and cookies. I like chocolate chip and double chocolate and ice cream but I don't love it when it's cold. I've never had tiramisu I don't think though.

I want need to be released too but mostly just cuz all of the girls was already released so I hope it is and it is like False God. I think cuz it sounds so different from any Taylor song to me. When I first heard it, I think it sounded more like a Selena Gomez song..maybe in the verses more than Taylor..but I do love how Taylor shows her vocals in the song and I do know other people love it a lot. The only thing about that is then it would be technically the last rerecording to be released and idk if it should end with that but I do see how it kinda works. Unless she puts out an eras rerecording doc or something as a thank you for the tour, then it would be the next best thing. I do still like to play it around Christmas sometimes. She also has a show on her birthday next year so that's exciting enough too.

Haha wow. I actually listen to something new like everyday so I could never get burnt out on new music haha. Basically my sister has a long drive everyday so we pick a new album to listen to everyday and kinda have a theme for each week based on genres. That's how I discover so much new music and we add a few songs to a big hours long playlist all year and play it near the end of the year haha and then we will pick our favorites. Obviously if it's an artist I really like, I play their albums for at least a week. I also play a lot of recommended radio so that's how I find new artists too. So what's your top artists and songs for Spotify wrapped since it came out? I think there's an equivalent with apple music if you use that. But I'm so excited to know and I will add anything you recommend to my list. I wasn't really surprised..obviously Taylor was my top artist lol but I feel like it also matters how long an album is and for top songs it's how much a certain song will play on your recommended radio and if you let it play. Oh I forgot about those but will listen eventually of course..along with the fruitcake EP soon.

As for books, I'll have to work on my list and I can tell you what I'll be reading more specifically later. Sorry it's just not something I'm focused on right now but I did find a few more books to add to my list recently so idk and I'm always looking for new recommendations too so I'll look at your post whenever its updated. Oh that's so cool and exciting. I've recently getting more educated on the publishing world which sounds exhausting so that's actually pretty cool. I honestly haven't read Hunger Games in a long time but that sounds like a pretty good plan if you get to it.

Oh I like her music but I'm not sure she would fit as Eurydice..cuz her voice is too soft almost? Thanks for the link! I will go thru it later and give my full opinion. Oh I mentioned a doc about the rerecordings earlier but would absolutely love this too! Beyonce had a little bit of this in her movie which I thought was really cool and made it different than eras. She would talk for a few minutes about something that would kinda lead into the next song so the transitions were pretty smooth and didn't distract from the show. Also it's always very cool to see her talking and share stuff from her personal life which we don't get to see as much. I'm pretty sure she didn't cut anything either which was impressive! I couldn't help comparing it to Eras but more so in a fun way cuz I love both of them and you can really see how much artistry and care they put in the work and that's a really cool thing to see. Taylor also supported Beyonce at her premiere just like how Beyonce did for her and I loved her dress so much..it was really on theme haha. I also paid attention to the sets and it's something I have to pay more attention to in the eras movie again. Another cool thing Beyonce's movie did was show all the different outfits she would wear for a certain song and I kinda wish eras movie did that now lol. Also Beyonce showed all her special guest performances in her movie too. It was kinda cool cuz it was almost set up in eras too but in a different way I guess cuz it wasn't by era..but she did start from the beginning of her career and mixed in a few songs. Also her opening songs started out slower in the show but I think that's pretty typical of Beyonce..like she gets more energetic as the show goes on. She also did not sing a song from every album..there was nothing from Lemonade but that's also a personal album for her or maybe didn't fit this show. But she sang every song from Renaissance and somehow made them work in the order of the album...and she even included the performance of songs she only sang at a few shows. I think seeing it was fun too cuz I didn't know the full show as well as eras even if I saw a few clips online and having it professionally recorded helps a lot too. Even if you don't love her music, it's definitely worth a watch at some point.

I do think it was cool of her to sing it for the end of the year and cuz there's a bit of a break on tour and I agree with how it makes her feel. I just think the chorus could be better cuz she repeats the same lyrics or used thing more than once and I don't love the melody but some people love it. Its just there to me and some songs are just like that I guess. I feel similarly about Illicit Affairs but I like it on tour and maybe even Off the top of my head, the first two opening nights had the best songs! Mirrorball and Tim McGraw and State of Grace and This is me trying but i would probably pick night two. Another one would be the eras movie pick or I Can See You and I think Maroon? Also Getaway Car and Maroon! I got pretty lucky with Right where you Left Me and Castles Crumbling too!!! I liked yours too! What about you?

Aside from seeing the Renaissance movie, I also got a haircut after a long time which was nice. I will probably also be busy for the next few weeks just letting you know. The end of the year is always stressful to me so I'm sorry if I don't reply as much. I hope your weekend with your friend was still fun! Happy Monday and I hope you have a great week!!! 🩷

hi friend!! it was one of the best weekends ever, i think — just something that i very much needed + very good for my soul, but i am very tired and just quite sad now! long distance friendships are so so hard :( i've mostly been feeling a bit better aside from my voice which just does not want to return to me for some reason!! but that's okay — the good news, is that it gives me an excuse to not be super super social at the work party on wednesday (which i'm lowkey dreading haha).

and yes! black forest cake is the one with cherry in the middle — i don't really like cherry, but i do loveeee black forest cake for some reason! i am not a huge fan of super sweet sweets (and often, brownies are too sweet for my taste) but one of my friends has been talking to me about brownies all week and now i really really want one. i think i'm going to try to get one on wednesday when i go to my work party as a pre-party treat, actually! tiramisu is delicious — if you like coffee (i don't know if you do, actually — i don't think we've talked about coffee! do you like coffee? what's your coffee order?) which i do!

i would love love love more BTS for eras and the rerecordings! i just think all of that is so interesting, i want to know about the costumes + the thought behind the dive, the choreography, why the piano is painted with those flowers, why debut was cut from the setlist :(, whose idea it was for those very specific visuals, etc. i just want to know everything!

there is an apple music equivalent — it's called apple replay! my top 5 artists were: the 1975, taylor, holly humberstone, maisie, and sabrina carpenter — but replay also gives you your top 15, so here are the rest of them: inhaler, gracie abrams, the japanese house, noah kahan, beabadoobee, del water gap, olivia rodrigo, lizzy mcalpine, haim and charli xcx! and my most listened to songs are: oh caroline, happiness, if you're too shy (let me know), lost the breakup, body better, me & you together song, you're just a boy (and i'm kinda the man), the good witch, about you, i'm in love with you, pressure, menswear, scarlett, heart out and the sound! which is so funny because i don't even remember listening to a good half of these that much (probably in the first half of the year). my most listened to albums were: the good witch, emails i can't send fwd, notes on a conditional form, the good witch (deluxe), speak now (taylor's version), paint my bedroom black, reputation, barbie the album, the 1975 (deluxe), guts, cuts & bruises, i like it when you sleep, for you are so beautiful yet so unaware of it, good riddance, in the end it always does and midnights (3 am edition)!

and you don't need to apologize — just know i'm excited for your favorites when you have them! i will try to figure out my list as well! and ahhh, the renaissance film sounds so so good! i'm excited to watch it when i get a chance to 🤍

and yeah, i have a really hard time picturing her as eurydice! but i think she'd be a great girl in once, if she ever did that!

tied together with a smile was my favoriteeeee. it just means so much to me as a song, and i'm so so glad i got to hear it! honestly i really lucked out with my songs — and i think everyone that i went with was really happy (my friend bailey loves ttwas too, my friend mansi got a reputation song night 1 — this is why we can't have nice things, etc.)! just very special! very lovely evening. i'd loveeee to hear mirrorball, or anything debut though. i'm really just manifesting something from debut for my mom :")

and no worries about replying either!! 🤍 take your time, i know you're busy + things are goin on! happy monday + hope you have a good rest of the year friend!!

[shezmuestate]

Update??

Been quite a while since I said anything about what I was working on, and I've not been as frequent as I had hoped. But a little progress has been made on the main-ish focus of writing that AA-AU that includes my Oc, and thats like the main difference tbh. Though the more i think about it, it's probably gonna be way off canon, just because it's rather difficult to be 100% on top of it, but the canon is really just gonna be story related rather than changing characters to match what I need. (Though if that does happen I'm hoping to be able to catch and fix it.) But either way, progress has been pretty slow, motivation being kind of all over the place. In the mean time though, I made a playlist on spotify, that will probably change a bit here and there to try and make a mood for Sang. Sometimes I feel like the line is kind of blurred between songs I enjoy and songs that match my image of her in my head.

->->Playlist<-<-

I'm gonna try a little better to let my thought kind of just spill out in the future, so until then, see ya around.

[wizkiddx]

your song blurb

hello!! sorry ive been so inactive and I have got a number of req that I am trying to work through - I am sorry, please be as patient as you can with me. general life shit and all hasn't been ideal. I am aware I reaaallly need to update my master list and will get round to it when I can I promise ;)

also have lots of asks abt the t + z situation but all I have to say is im so very happy for them and hope people respect their privacy ;)

harryhollandxreader // friends --> lovers blurb

summary: harry never sings in front of you, until you need it

//////////////////////////

There were some things that Harry, even after being friends for years, kept close to his chest. The one that you always tried to catch him out on was his singing. For some unknown reason, he was super self conscious of it. Every time he was nonchalantly humming along to himself, all it took was for you to make a single sound, and he’d immediately lock his mouth shut. From those fleeting moments, you had thought he didn’t even sound half bad, hence where your frustrations drew.

Because whilst you, who sounded like a cat being tortured, would scream your lungs out - Harry, who wasn’t even that bad, refused to make a fool out of himself.

It was exactly what had happened this evening when you had let yourself into Tom’s house otherwise unannounced. It’d been years since you’d been given a spare key by Harry - when they were both away, you often ‘house-sat’ for Tom; plus, you spent most evenings there too because that was where your best mate was.

Tom had messaged on the group chat to say he would be out for the evening, and Haz was around his girlfriends tonight, meaning on arrival, you’d known it’d just be you and Harry. So once you heard the quiet tune of a song, that you couldn’t quite place yet, safe to say you were on stealth mode. Sliding your shoes off and wincing as the floorboards creaked a little, you slowly crept through the house to find your frizzy-haired friend.

Sure enough, as you made your way through the kitchen, you found him stood over the hob, stirring round a wooden spoon of a saucepan - presumably filled with pasta he’d promised to have ready for you. Pouting as you leaned on the doorframe and crossed your arms, marvelling at him. He was dressed just in grey joggers and his favourite pink hoodie, arms rolled up to his elbow as the poor boy slaved away at the stove.

You stayed silent, to what you now recognised as billy joel, only unable to stifle a giggle when he reached a particularly high note. Like a rabbit caught in headlights, he jumped around and yelled, eyes fiery and pointed at you.

“OH fuck off Y/n!!”

“Billy Joel, an old school choice.” You smirked, now walking into the room to greet him properly.

“How long have you been stalking on me?”

“It’s not stalking if the stalkee gave me the key.”

“I don’t think that’s admissible in court.” He deadpanned back, pouting for a couple more seconds before finally shooting you a wide grin. The boy held his arms out, welcoming you into a proper greeting hug. Happily reciprocating, you inhaled deeply with your face pressed into the crook of his shoulder.

“How was work?” He murmured, already guessing the answer correctly.

“Shit. Exhausting. Hell, you want any more adjectives?” Harry just snorted back as you leaned away from his warmth.

“Nah rule of three is quite enough. Did you never pay attention in GCSE english?”

“Fuck off you can’t even spell GCSE.”

That was always how your friendship had been; it had always been a piss-taking battle. You simply were one of the boys - or at least that’s what you thought. Said boys though (meaning Sam, Tom, Harrison, Tuwaine and even Paddy) disagreed. You didn’t know, or didn’t believe, that Harry did NOT treat you like one of the boys. He cared about you differently, too. Tom thought it didn’t stop there, that Harry did in fact love you.

And yes, you might’ve admitted to Harrison on one very, very drunken night that you had occasionally thought of Harry as something more than your sarky friend. He had been since sworn to silence, though Haz had in fact, told Tom - who only replied with an ‘i told you so’.

Even though everyone else saw your relationship as complicated, to you and Harry it was just simple. You were just the best of friends.

And that’s how the evening went. The two of you were just messing around as usual; after eating the tomatoey pasta creation Harry had tried, you both made a right mess of the washing up - water ending up coating the floor and maybe one of the walls too (Tom would never know). And just like usual, it ended with you sprawled out on one sofa, Harry mirroring you on the adjacent one.

It was love island season, which meant every night at 9 pm there was only one place on earth either of you would be. On your respective sofas, watching the most trashy tv in the world.

Tonight though, no matter how excited you were for the next instalment of who-likes-who, your day of work caught up with you. Not that you noticed, but you’d pretty much passed out as soon as the opening scenes started. There were only two minutes of silence before Harry registered something was up - typically, he was trying to make you shut up so he could actually hear the TV. To investigate, he jumped off the sofa and leaned over the couch, the sight making him pout.

He knew work had been super stressful recently; and he also knew that your insomnia had been coming back with a vengeance. So instead of treating you like ‘one of the boys’ and throwing things until you woke up - Harry used a different approach. He draped the blanket that hung off the side of the sofa over you, biting back a slight smile as you huffed in appreciation for the soft quilt. Then Harry left you alone, knowing you could do with every little bit of rest you could get.

That was all good until it reached the third set of adverts when Harry heard you huff and move about on the sofa. And then again and again. Then again with what sounded like a bit of whimper too.

Brows furrowed, he paused the TV and slowly got up, rounding the sofa to see you somewhat matching his expression. Your face was contorted in one of distress, and you kept thrashing your head from side to side of the pillow. It didn’t take a genius to work out; this was your nightmares rearing their ugly heads.

Harry just wanted to stop this for you. Although the two of you were never particularly ‘mushy’ or vulnerable with each other - he knew just how much you were suffering recently. So without much thought into it, Harry knelt down to sit on the floor, side leaning up against the sofa as he looked towards you. Trying to hush you, he ran his hand over your forehead and over the top of your hair, though it seemed to take little effect. And then, again entirely without hesitation, Harry started to softly sing.

It’s a little bit funny

This feeling inside

I’m not one of those who can easily hide

Why Elton John was the first that came to mind was a mystery to Harry - except maybe that the lyrics ran true a little.

And you can tell everybody

This is your song

It may be quite simple, but now that it’s done

I hope you don’t mind

I hope you don’t mind

That I put down in the words

How wonderful life is while you’re in the world

You’d always loved old 70s music, you were the one that had properly got you into all that stuff - the beatles, billy joel, elton, even a bit of springsteen. He owed half his music taste to your Spotify playlists, even if he’d never admit it to your face.

So excuse me forgetting

But these things I do

You see I’ve forgotten, if they’re green or they’re blue

Anyway the thing is, what I really mean

Yours are the sweetest eyes I’ve ever seen

With a final huff, you finally settled down, Harry swore he could see all the discomfort literally melting away from your face. It took a minute but your breath evened out, mumbling something incomprehensible as you curled up toward him on the edge of the sofa.

This wasn't the first time he’d sang to you in your sleep - and he sort of hoped it wouldn't be the last either.

feedback is really appreciated <3

harry taglist : @euphorichxlland @lovehollandy12 @pandaxnienke @msmimimerton @crossyourpeter @hallecarey1

[whencartoonsruletheworld]

Disney Songs That Hit Different™ When You’re Autistic, a full Spotify Playlist

Open to updates should anyone notice a song I missed!

Tracklist and specific lyrics that fuck me up under the cut: 

The World Above - The Little Mermaid Broadway Production

“It’s like my life was wrong And somehow, now, at last I’m in My own skin Up here in the world above!”

“The sun’s so bright here Upon my face! It feels so right here Warm as love... Life seems to be Almost calling to me...” - stimmy 

Belle - Beauty and the Beast 

“The bookshop. I just finished the most wonderful story. About a beanstalk and an ogre and a—” - y’all ever been interrupted on an infodump and then realize nobody cared? yeah that feeling 

“Look there she goes, that girl is strange, no question Dazed and distracted, can't you tell? Never part of any crowd Cause her head's up on some cloud No denying she’s a funny girl, that Belle...”

“[That one? But you've read it twice!] It's my favorite. Far-off places, daring swordfights, magic spells, a prince in disguise...” - SPECIAL INTEREST 

“Look there she goes, that girl is so peculiar I wonder if she's feeling well With a dreamy, far-off look And her nose stuck in a book What a puzzle to the rest of us is Belle...”

“Oh, isn't this amazing? It's my favorite part because you'll see Here's where she meets Prince Charming But she won't discover that it's him till chapter three...” - IF NOBODY LISTENS TO MY INFODUMP I SHALL INFODUMP TO SHEEP

“But behind that fair façade I'm afraid she's rather odd Very diff'rent from the rest of us She's nothing like the rest of us...”

More - deleted song from Moana

honestly the entire song is a bit “want to break off and learn about special interest / be in my own world / be myself” mood 

“The other kids just dance and play How can you play? There's so much out there to explore...”

“She stares at the sky, she stumbles down the beaches She mumbles all the names that her Gramma Tala teaches With one foot here and another in a distant past She’s growing up too fast...”

Part of Your World - The Little Mermaid 

not only a BIG SPECIAL INTEREST MOOD... big “i don’t belong here” mood...

“Look at this trove, treasures untold How many wonders can one cavern hold? Looking around here, you'd think Sure, she's got everything” “I've got gadgets and gizmos a-plenty I've got whooz-its and whats-its galore You want thing-a-mabobs? I've got twenty But who cares? No big deal. I want more!”

“Betcha on land, they understand Bet they don't reprimand their daughters Bright young women, sick of swimmin', Ready to stand...”

“When's it my turn? Wouldn't I love, Love to explore that shore up above?”

More Than Just the Spare - deleted song from Frozen 

“I'm not part of the town, not born to be queen Just somebody hopelessly in-between She's the scholar, athlete, poet I'm the screw up, don't I know it...”

“I may lack style and I may lack grace And once in a while I fall on my face But this little button deserves a place in the sky This button wants to fly- Wait, buttons can't fly, it doesn't make any sense!”

“And maybe I can't be the perfect one And maybe I err on the side of fun...”

“Someday I'll find my thing, a thing that's all my own That thing that makes me part of something, not just all alone If only all this feeling I have in my heart, could mean something to someone, how I'd love to play that part!”

“Like a button, like a horseshoe Like a girl who's bad at metaphors!”

Proud of Your Boy - Aladdin Broadway Production 

“So say I'm slow for my age A late bloomer, Okay, I agree...”

“But I'll get over these lousin' up Messin' up, screwin' up times You'll see, Ma, now comes the better part Someone's gonna make good, cross his stupid heart Make good and finally make you proud of your boy...”

“Say I'm a goldbrick, a good-off, no good But that couldn't be all that I am...”

“Though I can't make myself taller Or smarter or handsome or wise I'll do my best, what else can I do? Since I wasn't born perfect like Dad or you Mom, I will try to try hard to make you Proud of your boy...”

Let Me Make You Proud - Tangled: The Series

“Maybe I make things a mess And maybe you're right to have doubts in me Maybe, but nevertheless If you for once could just trust me...”

“And when I return And I'm more than you dreamt I'd be Maybe then you will realize That you never actually knew me at all...”

“Cause I long for that look of surprise When you see your son rising at last...”

Almost There - The Princess and the Frog 

“Ain't got time for messin' around And it's not my style...”

“But I know exactly where I'm going Getting closer and closer every day...”

“People down here think I'm crazy But I don't care Trials and tribulations, I've had my share...”

Home - deleted song from Frozen 2 

BIG routine song

“Wandering through the town with everyone doing all of their stuff Somewhere in my heart I feel I've not yet done enough For these people I know, this place that I love so...”

“I know how fragile things can be. If I lost them, I'd lose me They're my ocean, they're my shore. I wanna give them more...”

In a World of My Own / Very Good Advice - mashup cover of Alice in Wonderland 

“They would sit and talk to me for hours When I'm lonely in a world of my own...”

“I could listen to a babbling brook And hear a song that I could understand I keep wishing it could be that way Because my world would be a wonderland...”

“I give myself very good advice But I very seldom follow it That explains the trouble that I'm always in...”

“Be patient is very good advice But the waiting makes me curious And I'd love the change Should something strange begin...”

“Will I ever learn to do the things I should?” 

Reflection - Mulan

“Now I see that if I were truly to be myself I would break my family's heart...”

“Somehow I cannot hide Who I am, though I've tried...”

“How I pray that a time will come I can free myself from their expectations On that day, I'll discover someway to be myself And to make my family proud...”

“They want a docile lamb, no-one knows who I am Must there be a secret me I'm forced to hide? Must I pretend that I'm someone else for all time?”

If I Wasn’t So Small - Piglet’s Big Movie 

“It's not as if I want to rule the world Or even the forest, or even one tree I suppose I could be happy, if I could be helpful With just a little bit of noticing me...”

“I'd be needed and useful More each passing day...”

Jack’s Lament - The Nightmare Before Christmas 

“Oh somewhere deep inside of these bones An emptiness began to grow There's something out there far from my home A longing that I've never known...”

Everything I Ever Thought I Knew - Tangled: The Series

“I thought no one could love me And how could I have known? I was wrong, oh so wrong...” “Then I thought I found it, a dream that I could share I thought I was so lucky, it almost wasn't fair I thought I knew my purpose, I thought that I knew where I belong But I was wrong...”

“Now that it's all crumbling, help me understand If none of it was really me then who am I supposed to be?”

“I guess my life meant nothing I guess it was a sham I guess I'm someone else now I wonder who I am...”

I’ll Try - Return to Neverland

“I am not a child now I can take care of myself I mustn't let them down now Mustn't let them see me cry...”

“My whole world is changing I don't know where to turn I can't leave you waiting But I can't stay and watch the city burn...”

Waiting in the Wings (Reprise) - Tangled: The Series

“I craved so much, and yet I kept on waiting One glance, one touch, and I just kept on waiting...”

Waiting in the Wings - Tangled: The Series 

“Guess we all are born with parts to play Some of us are stars, and some are just in the way I know I was meant for glory But that's never what my story brings And yet I keep on waiting...”

“When you have the passion and the drive You expect your moment centre stage to arrive I show up with heart ablazing Ready to achieve amazing things But I'm left waiting in the wings...”

“It's always someone else who sings While I'm left waiting in the wings...”

“Always overlooked unfairly, while pretending that it barely stings But it stings, yes, it stings...” 

I’m Still Here (Jim Theme) - Treasure Planet

“I am a question to the world, not an answer to be heard Or a moment that's held in your arms...”

“And how can you learn what's never shown Yeah, you stand here on your own They don't know me, cause I'm not here...”

“And I want to tell you who I am Can you help me be a man? They can't break me As long as I know who I am...”

“They can't tell me who to be Cause I'm not what they see Yeah, the world is still sleeping While I keep on dreaming for me And their words are just whispers and lies That I'll never believe...”

“And I want a moment to be real Want to touch things I don't feel Wanna hold on, and feel I belong And how can you say I'll never change They're the ones that stay the same I'm the one now Cause I'm still here!”

God Help the Outcasts - The Hunchback of Notre Dame 

“Yes, I know I'm just an outcast I shouldn't speak to You Still, I see Your face and wonder Were You once an outcast, too?”

“God help the outcasts, hungry from birth Show them the mercy they don't find on earth God help my people - we look to You, still God help the outcasts or nobody will...”

“Please help my people, the poor and downtrod I thought we all were the children of God?”

So Close - Enchanted 

honestly the entirety of enchanted is an autism mood but, 

“So close to reaching That famous happy end Almost believing This one's not pretend...”

Into the Unknown - cover of Frozen 2

“There's a thousand reasons I should go about my day And ignore your whisper which I wish would go away...”

“I’ve had my adventure, I don’t need something new...”

“Or are you someone out there who's a little bit like me? Who knows deep down I'm not where I am really meant to be?“

“Are you out there? [Do you know me?]  Can you feel me? Can you show me?”

Someone’s Waiting For You - The Rescuers 

“Don't cry, little one There'll be a smile where a frown use to be You'll be part of the love that you see...”

Sally’s Song - The Nightmare Before Christmas 

“I sense there's something in the wind That feels like tragedy's at hand And though I'd like to stand by him Can't shake this feeling that I have...”

“Although I'd like to join the crowd In their enthusiastic cloud Try as I may, it doesn't last...”

Someday - The Hunchback of Notre Dame Off-Broadway Production 

“Someday, when we are wiser When the world's older, when we have learned I pray someday we may yet live To live and let live...”

“Someday, these dreams will all be real Til then we'll wish upon the moon Change will come, one day  Someday soon...”

Where Do I Go From Here - Pocahontas II: Journey to a New World

“They do what they must for now And trust in their plan If I trust in mine, somehow I might find who I am...”

“The path ahead's so hard to see It winds and bends but where it ends Depends on only me In my heart I don't feel part of so much I've known Now it seems it's time to start A new life on my own...”

Wherever You Are - Pooh’s Grand Adventure: The Search for Christopher Robin 

“I'm out here in the dark, all alone and wide awake Come and find me I'm empty and I'm cold, and my heart's about to break Come and find me...”

“I need you to come here and find me Cause without you, I'm totally lost I've hung a wish on every star It hasn't done much good so far...”

“I used to believe in forever, But forever’s too good to be true...”

Belle (Reprise) - Beauty and the Beast 

“And for once it might be grand To have someone understand I want so much more than they've got planned...”

Endless Night - The Lion King Broadway Production 

“Home is an empty dream Lost to the night Father, I feel so alone...”

“I know that the night must end I know that the sun will rise...”

Set Yourself Free - Tangled: The Series 

“Locked inside a tower, kept behind a wall Sheltered from a world you’ve barely known That’s the way they treat you...”

“There's much more inside of you than anyone can see And now the choice is yours, life waits beyond the doors So step on through, the time has come And only you can set yourself free!”

“So use the gifts you're given Make the world your own Look inside your heart and find the key...”

“Bound up by your worries Trapped by your mistakes Forced to play a role you never chose...”

“No more letting someone else define you to a T You know that you are strong You've known it all along...”

Let it Go - Frozen Broadway Production

“The wind is howling like this swirling storm inside Couldn't keep it in, heaven knows I've tried Don't let them in, don't let them see Be the good girl you always have to be Conceal, don't feel, don't let them know Well, now they know!”

“I don't care what they're going to say Let the storm rage on The cold never bothered me anyway...”

“It’s time to see what I can do  To test the limits and break through  No right, no wrong, no rules for me  I’m free!”

“Let it go, let it go And I’ll rise like the break of dawn! Let it go, let it go  That perfect girl is gone!”

How Far I’ll Go (Reprise) - Moana 

“All that time wondering where I need to be is behind me I'm on my own to worlds unknown...”

Colors of the Wind - Pocahontas 

“You think the only people who are people Are the people who look and think like you But if you walk the footsteps of a stranger You'll learn things you never knew, you never knew...”

Strangers Like Me - Tarzan 

when u meet another autistic person.... 

“Whatever you do, I'll do it, too Show me everything and tell me how It all means something And yet nothing to me...”

“I can see there's so much to learn It's all so close and yet so far I see myself as people see me Oh, I just know there's something bigger out there...”

Beyond My Wildest Dreams - The Little Mermaid Broadway Production 

“Look over there! Oh my god! How very odd! And what might they be? Something splendid, maybe! Look over here! Could you bust? Isn't it just bedazzling, dazing, utterly amazing! Gazing 'round, it's like, to die! Just seeing it feels so good, I'd scream if I only could!”

“Just keeps on gawking- Weird how she's not talking!”

“I'd hoped and wished My life would feel enchanted! Wished and prayed The fates would hear my plea...”

Watch What Happens - Newsies Broadway Production 

“’Write what you know’ So they say, all I know is I don't know what to write Or the right way to write it...”

“It could practically write itself And let's pray it does, cause as I may have mentioned I have no clue what I'm doing!”

“Speak up, take a stand, and there's someone to write about it That's how things get better...”

[also. the squeal.]

“Like someone said, "Power tends to corrupt" And absolute power, wait, wait, corrupts? Absolutely, that is genius! But give me some time, I'll be twice as good as that six months from never...”

“Just look around at the world we're inheriting And think of the one we'll create...”

“Give those kids and me the brand new century and watch what happens It's David and Goliath, do or die The fight is on and I can't watch what happens But all I know is nothing happens if you just give in It can't be any worse than how it's been And it just so happens that we just might win So whatever happens, let's begin!”

Son of Man - Tarzan 

“Oh, the power to be strong and the wisdom to be wise All these things will come to you in time On this journey that you're making, there'll be answers that you'll seek And it's you who'll climb the mountain It's you who'll reach the peak...”

“Though there's no one there to guide you, no one to take your hand But with faith and understanding You will journey from boy to man...”

“In learning you will teach and in teaching you will learn You'll find your place beside the ones you love Oh, and all the things you dreamed of, the visions that you saw Well, the time is drawing near now It's yours to claim it all!”

Strange Sight - Tinkerbell and the Legend of the Neverbeast 

“You stand in the light You're wrong, but you're right And my heart's beating wildly Strange how I'm scared but delighted Afraid, but excited too!”

“Do you long to be left all alone? Set apart with a heart made of stone? Let me help, let's begin Let me learn, won't you let me in? All the light, let it show...”

“You are a strange sight, some new kind of wonder With good hidden under, I'm sure that it's true Strange how your dark doesn't faze me...”

Wind in My Hair - Tangled: The Series 

“What if the doors began to open? What if the knots became untied? What if one day, nothing stood in my way And the world was mine?”

“Plenty of mysteries to unravel Tons of mistakes to not regret So much to see, and to do and to be A whole life to spend And it doesn't end...”

For a Moment - The Little Mermaid II: Return to the Sea 

“This way is left, but which way is right? Well, now I'll be circling in circles all night...” - direction problems amirite

“This is more than my thoughts ever thought it could be For a moment, just a moment, lucky me...”

“For a moment, I can feel, All the dreams I've been dreaming are real, Wish my mother could hear it, the sea is my song For a moment, just a moment I belong...”

Speechless - Aladdin 2019 Remake

i would like to send this song to autism $peaks (hate group) underlined in red and with a photo attached of me with a middle finger up 

“Here comes a wave meant to wash me away A tide that is taking me under Swallowing sand, left with nothing to say. My voice drowned out in the thunder...”

“Written in stone, every rule, every word Centuries old and unbending ‘Stay in your place, better seen and not heard.’ Well, now that story is ending!”

“Let the storm in! I cannot be broken! No, I won't live unspoken! Cause I know that I won't go speechless!”

“Try to lock me in this cage! I won't just lay me down and die! I will take these broken wings And watch me burn across the sky!”

“I won't be silenced! Though you wanna see me tremble when you try it, All I know is I won't go speechless, speechless! Cause I'll breathe when they try to suffocate me! Don't you underestimate me! Cause I know that I won't go speechless!”

Show Yourself - Frozen 2 

the siren call... stimmy

“Something is familiar, like a dream I can reach but not quite hold I can sense you there, like a friend I've always known I'm arriving, it feels like I am home...”

“I have always been a fortress Cold secrets deep inside...”

“Are you the one I've been looking for all of my life? Show yourself! I'm ready to learn...”

“I've never felt so certain! All my life, I've been torn But I'm here for a reason- could it be the reason I was born? I have always been so different, normal rules did not apply Is this the day? Are you the way I finally find out why?”

“I am found!”

“You are the one you've been waiting for All of your life...”

Here I Am - Camp Rock 

“They tell you a good girl is quiet and that you should never ask why Cause it only makes it harder to fit in And you should be happy, excited, even if you're just invited Cause the winners need someone to clap for them...”

“It's so hard just waiting in a line that never moves It's time you started making your own rules...”

“If how you’re living isn't working there's one thing that'll help You got to finally just stop searching and find yourself...”

“The world better make some room Yea move over, over Cause you’re coming through!”

“You gotta scream until there's nothing left With your last breath Say here I am! Here I am! Make em listen Cause there is no way you'll be ignored Not anymore...”

Us Against the Universe - Phineas and Ferb: The Movie - Candace Against the Universe

“I used to feel alone, just me against the raging tide, But I guess I should've known that you were always on my side. Now I don't have to be an island, cause you've been there all the while, and Now I realize my fears weren't justified!”

“Cause as long as we're together, We can stand and face whatever Kind of trouble this world tries to put us in. If you're out there on your own, You just might take it on the chin Cause if it's us against the universe, we win!”

[swan-of-sunrise]

The Winter Soldier (Chapter Three)

Summary: Steve drops by the VA and listens in on one of Sam’s meetings and later that evening, (Y/N) reflects on her unusual day with the super-soldier.

Pairing: Steve Rogers X Reader

Word Count: 1.5k

Warnings/Disclaimers: Brief discussion of PTSD

A/N: Hope you all enjoy!

Chapter Three (Previous Chapter)

After placing sugar packets and stirring sticks next to the coffee maker, (Y/N) took a seat beside the refreshment table and watched as Sam took his place at the front of the crowded room and began the meeting. One by one, each person would share their struggles with PTSD and how it had affected their lives as civilians; with each person’s story, (Y/N)’s heart clenched in sympathy. These vets have put their lives on the line to protect us, they don’t deserve to suffer, she thought with an inward sigh. She couldn’t count the number of times she’d woken Sam up from a nightmare or had seen him suddenly grow silent and have to distract him from his memories of war. But it was wonderful that people like Sam, people who face the same exact struggles, run programs to help each other out.

Seeing movement out of the corner of her eye, (Y/N) turned to see Steve Rogers leaning against the doorframe of the room, his arms crossed over his chest as he listened to the meeting. Smiling and tugging her sweater tighter around her, (Y/N) turned her attention back to the woman speaking. “The thing is I think it’s getting worse. A cop pulled me over last week, he thought I was drunk. I swerved to miss a plastic bag. I thought it was an IED.”

Sam nodded. “Some stuff you leave there, other stuff you bring back. It’s our job to figure out how to carry it. Is it gonna be in a big suitcase or in a little man-purse? It’s up to you.” Everyone clapped and began standing, so (Y/N) jumped to her feet to man the table. She greeted each person with a smile as they grabbed cookies and filled their cups with coffee, delighted to see so many new faces among the usual crowd. After about twenty minutes of mingling and making small talk, the crowd started to leave so she decided to begin packing up the refreshments as Sam bid them goodbye out in the hallway.

“Don’t take those away those cookies just yet, darlin’, I wanna bring one home to my gran’daughter.”

(Y/N) looked up to see Gary, an older man with an incredibly bushy grey beard and a Vietnam War veteran’s baseball cap, and she smiled brightly before offering him the half-full container. “Take the whole thing if you’d like, Gary, and be sure to say hello to Katie for me!”

That made Gary grin toothily as he took the container. “You know, darlin’, you’re sweeter than this whole damn box of cookies. I’ll be seein’ you next week!” (Y/N) gave him a small wave and resumed cleaning as he limped away.

“You’re pretty popular around here.”

She turned away from the coffee pot and smiled when she saw Steve standing before her, his blue eyes glimmering and his hands shoved in his pockets. “If I am, it’s only ‘cause I give away free cookies; the vets that visit all have a massive sweet-tooth, you know.”

“Are you a vet, too?”

“Nah, I just work here.” She tossed several used paper coffee cups into the trash and chuckled. “A year ago, when I finally graduated with my master’s degree, I started writing my novel and since I was writing about soldiers and government agents I needed to interview some about their personal experiences. So, I decided to come down to the VA. I met with Sam, who had just started working here, and asked if I could interview some people for my writing. He agreed, and I spent the whole day just talking to the vets. All sorts of vets, too; men, women, old, young, you name it. And at the end of the day, after hearing about their struggles with PTSD and how hard their lives became once they returned to civilian life, I went back to Sam and asked if he needed any part-time employees. He said yes, and we’ve been best friends ever since.” Steve smiled, and the impressed look he was giving her caused her to blush so she hurriedly changed the subject. “So, did everything work out earlier? It’s just that it seemed a little serious, so I hope that everything’s okay.”

Steve’s smile fell a little but he nodded. “Yeah, everything’s fine…I was just visiting a friend who hasn’t been doing too well lately.”

(Y/N) impulsively placed a comforting hand on his arm. “I’m sorry, that sounds difficult. I hope they get better soon.” The ghost of a sympathetic smile pulled at the corner of her mouth and Steve’s eyes softened after a moment; realizing that her hand was still resting on his arm, she hastily withdrew it and began folding the tablecloth to keep her hands busy. “Um, Sam and I were planning on going out to dinner after we finish packing up, you’re welcome to join us if you want.”

She glanced up at him and saw a glint of something in his eyes, but it disappeared before she could get a closer look. “Thanks for the offer but I’ll have to pass; I’ve already got some plans later…”

“That’s okay, maybe next time!” (Y/N) smiled, but inside she couldn’t help but feel a pang of disappointment.

Just then, Sam walked into the room with a stack of pamphlets in his hands. “Pretty good turnout today, huh? Five new faces and Captain America!”

Steve chuckled. “Well, I’m glad that I stopped by.” He glanced at the clock on the wall before continuing, “I should probably get going, but it was good to see you two again.”

(Y/N) shook his hand. “I’m not gonna lie, it was a little weird seeing you in your own exhibit earlier but it was great hanging out with you!”

“You too, and good luck with For Queen and Country, I’ll keep my eye out for it in the bookshops.” His bright smile caused her heartbeat to once-again quicken as their hands dropped.

“It was good seeing you too, Cap, you made me look really awesome in front of Maria, so thanks for that.” Sam grinned and shook his outstretched hand.

“Glad I could help, Sam; see you two around!” Steve gave them a small wave before turning and walking out of the room.

Tearing her eyes away from the doorway, (Y/N) resumed her cleaning and glanced at Sam. “What do you feel like tonight, Thai or burgers?”

Sam grinned and began unplugging the coffee maker. “Burgers. So, did you have a nice day chilling with your new boyfriend, Booksmart?”

“Sam…”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Later that evening, (Y/N) sat down at her desk and put her music on shuffle before flicking through her notebook to the pages of notes she’d taken that day at the Smithsonian. She bit back a smile when she recognized the difference between the carefully printed notes she’d taken by herself versus the illegible scribbles taken from the elderly security guard’s long-winded explanations. He was kind of a fast talker, wasn’t he, she thought to herself; as a way of honoring the enthusiastic old man, she ultimately decided to name one of her minor characters after him.

“Stan.” She sounded out the name and gave a satisfied nod. “Yeah, that’s got a nice ring to it…”

(Y/N), now finally having all the information she needed to best describe Soviet Cold War missiles, wrote for nearly three hours straight, only taking breaks to skip songs or to glance down at her notes. She would’ve probably continued writing well into the next morning except that her eyesight was beginning to blur around the edges, an unfortunate symptom of exhaustion.

Well, you have had a pretty busy day today, (Y/N) silently reasoned as she saved her evening’s progress and booted down her laptop. Since Sam was already fast asleep in the room across the hall, she went about her bedtime routine as quietly as she could, washing her face and brushing her teeth before tiptoeing back into her room. She slipped on her mismatched pajama set and was about to crawl into bed when the record player on her bedside table caught her eye. Making her way over to what Sam affectionately called ‘The DJ Bookcase,’ she scanned the shelf devoted solely to her record collection until the right one stood out to her, and then she carefully placed the record on the turntable and lowered the needle. After a moment, the soft tones of Glenn Miller’s ‘Stardust’ filled her room and with a smile, she finally got into bed and turned to watch the record spinning on the turntable.

Thoughts of the super-soldier who’d inspired her choice in bedtime music began to fill her mind, making her smile softly to herself. (Y/N) had enjoyed seeing Steve again, even if it had been in a highly unconventional place like the Smithsonian, and she quietly marveled at how effortless it had been to talk to the larger-than-life man. He really was different from how the history books portrayed him: not only was he kind and polite, but he was also intelligent, sarcastic and extremely understanding. Also a little lost, I expect, (Y/N) thought, remembering his guarded expressions and withdrawn replies whenever she’d ask him a personal question; it couldn’t be easy adjusting to a brand-new reality, especially without a fixed support system to rely on.

“Hopefully he ends up getting the help he needs.” (Y/N) murmured to herself, her sleepy eyes continuing to watch the rotating record as more thoughts of Steve Rogers filled her mind.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

A/N: Thank you so much for reading! I hope you all liked my little Stan Lee cameo in this chapter and the last :) I’ve created a Spotify playlist inspired by this series, and I’ll be updating it every time I upload a new chapter. Enjoy!

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4BenknAqQQnOWY8NmSa23V

Tagging: @mrs-obrien​ @lahoete​ @awkward117​ @cminr​ @momc95​ @awkwardnesshabitat​ @marinettepotterandplagg​ @khuang3​ @supersouthy​ @benakenalove​ @brooke0297​ @hufflepeople​ @becausewelie​​ @outoftheregular @supreme-tantrum​

Chapter Four

“The Winter Soldier” Masterlist

[loki-hargreeves]

Once Upon a Dream - Loki x Reader [Chapter 4]

Warnings: angst, fighting, blood, gore, character death (not really but also kind of yes?) vulgar language, amnesia  Word Count: 8K Chapter summary: You need to guard the tesseract and make sure the portal stays open - even if it means fighting Thor. Unexpected events lead to a tragic situation that only a miracle can fix. Loki seems to have a heart wrenching solution for that. Author’s Note: I’m sorry for being so slow with updates. I’ll try to grab myself from the neck now 🥺 Once again, I’m not following canon 100% so forgive me for the differences. Listen to: OUAD playlist on Spotify 

[Chapter 3] ~ [Chapter 5 - coming soon!]

THIRD POV

[CH 4 I Dreamed A Dream]

~   But there are dreams that cannot be And there are storms we cannot weather   ~  

“I won’t let you stop him, Thor.”

“And I can’t let you help him.”

“So be it,” Y/N was disappointed that even Loki’s own brother couldn’t understand. She was ready to fight. 

The sword felt light in her hand although it had been a while since she had last picked it up. Without wasting more time, she ran toward Thor who seemed to be waiting for her. She didn’t have time to mope around.

Just as she raised the blade dangerously, Thor shielded himself with his hammer. To his surprise, the impact of her sword was much stronger than he had anticipated and he had to brace himself harder. Even with the power of the Mjolnir against her sword, he struggled to push her off him. 

“Why do you look so surprised?” Y/N asked him through gritted teeth, finding encouragement in the look of disbelief on Thor’s face. She poured power from her soul and into the sword, making it more effective the longer they stood like that. 

“Just getting started, that’s all,” He brushed the look off his face and replaced it with a grin. Surprisingly, he used his legs to kick at her, forcing her to step back. As she attempted to strike him with the sharp sword, Thor threw the Mjolnir right at it. Both weapons flew off into the distance and Thor ran toward Y/N.

She didn’t have time to pick up her sword as she prepared for Thor’s tackle. As he wrapped his arms around her waist, she jumped and clung to his back tightly. Thor hadn’t expected her to jump, so when she kneed him in the chest, his grip loosened. It was the perfect distraction for her to kick herself off his body and let him stumble forward. 

They turned around to face each other once more. This time, Thor was closer to the balcony and he stood between Y/N and her sword. The Mjolnir returned to his hand smoothly, leaving Y/N unarmed. But not for long.

Thor held onto Mjolnir a little tighter as if to show her that she couldn’t stop him. If she tried, she’d have to face the hammer. 

Y/N wasn’t afraid of Thor or his hammer. She was so overwhelmed with power that she could feel it all over her skin, like electricity. It was warm and difficult to contain for much longer. The magic within her was practically begging to be released. Adrenaline was rushing through her body as well and she could feel the blood boiling in her veins. Nothing could stop her now.

The two of them eyed each other so intensely, both ready to attack if the other moved. Y/N was trying to think of a way to go past him so she could guard the tesseract. Thor was willing to do anything to stop her so they could put an end to the madness around them. 

Time felt like it was frozen when they were face to face. By now, Y/N allowed her power to grow around her hands. The energy around them absorbed into the orbs in her hands and grew quickly, casting a glow in the apartment. Holding onto so much power made Y/N confident. 

Thor watched how her power grew and he knew he had to stop her. He remembered how she had defeated dozens of enemies with one blow when she let her powers get the best of her. 

Quickly, he swung his hammer and threw it at her, hoping to pin her down in time. 

A smirk plastered her face as she had expected that. Thor could be so predictable. Smoothly, she used her power to hoist herself up in the air, allowing the hammer to continue past her and into the wall, smashing it in its way. As she had the upper hand, she released the blasts at Thor’s both sides so he couldn’t dodge it. 

Thor leapt forward on the floor to avoid the merciless blasts that were ought to swallow him whole. Just as he landed on the floor, he felt the heel of Y/N’s foot on his hand and she stepped on it. Thor grunted out in pain as he failed to free his hand - and to summon Mjolnir with that hand. She stepped on his hand with all her strength and it made Thor cringe with discomfort. 

“You’re in my way,” Y/N spat coldly, looking down at Thor who was struggling. Magic was growing around her hands once more, creating a cloud of green. 

Thor didn’t like the sight of her with that much power. The look on her face was intimidating. Thor had seen in a few times before in his life and nothing good ever followed from it. This was a woman who was ready to do anything for her freedom and to aid Loki on his journey too. 

She was so close that he could feel the heat radiating from her and it was painful. He reached out to Mjolnir with his other hand and hoped it would reach his palm in time.

“If I go, you go,” Thor let her know mysteriously. 

Just as she released her power and directed it at him, she felt something hit her ankle hard and painfully. Mjolnir! 

Thor didn’t have time to get out of the way and had to take the blow against his back. Her powers were torturous, even through his armour. The floor beneath them crushed and Y/N lost her balance, falling down the hole with Thor. They plummeted down several floors until finally, one of the levels managed to brace their fall.

Y/N hit the floor harshly and rolled over a few times. The moment she stopped rolling, she forced herself back on her feet and she ignored the pain of the impact. Taking in her surroundings, she noticed that they were on an office floor. All the people who would’ve usually been there working were now gone. Thor was nowhere to be seen. 

“Fuck,” She cursed quietly and narrowed her eyes, scanning her surroundings and prepared herself for a surprise attack. The hole in the ceiling was still cracking up, but it was so small that it wouldn’t do much more damage. Small bits and pieces fell out of it in a dust cloud. 

Despite the Chitauri army wreaking havoc outside, it was oddly quiet in the Stark tower. So quiet in fact that she could hear her own heartbeat drumming in her chest. 

In order to be as silent as she could, Y/N used her powers to levitate just above the floor and move forward without making a single sound. Thor couldn’t have gotten far. 

As she turned around a corner to look beyond the rows and rows of office desks, she still couldn’t see him which was odd. Thor didn’t seem like the type of enemy who hid and plotted his next attack. He seemed more like the direct action kind of guy. 

That’s when a thought struck her mind. Had he flown back up to the highest level to destroy the portal? 

Annoyed that she had wasted time looking for him down there, she groaned and returned to the hole in the ceiling. She collected more energy for a few brief seconds and then flew right back up again, landing smoothly on the ground as she reached the correct level. Just as she had thought, she saw Thor on the balcony trying to talk to the doctor who was working on the portal. 

His cowardliness was infuriating. 

On her way to the balcony, she picked up her sword. It was still charged with energy, and Thor hadn’t looked over his shoulder yet to see her. He probably expected her to be down there looking for him for just a bit longer. He was wrong.

It was all a surprise to Thor when she leapt at him and swung her sword against his armour. Thor stumbled forward, but he had remained unharmed but it was only a matter of time before the blade would pierce the Asgardian armour. He turned around and pushed the sword off of him with his hammer. Seeing Y/N right behind him that cold look in her eyes sent shivers down his spine. 

They were standing outside now and the edge of the balcony was awfully close. Erik Selvig had returned to his station and he seemed unbothered by the two of them. He was only focused on the tesseract and keeping the portal open. 

“Clever trick,” Y/N admitted, “but I’m no fool.”

“ I should’ve expected so much from someone of your kind,” Thor realized now. Any ally of Loki’s was just as slippery as the Trickster himself. 

Y/N walked closer to him and Thor took a step back. She remained cautious because he could just as easily throw her off the edge as she could do that to him. 

“You can still stop this-”

“Never!” 

Thor was disappointed to hear her answer. If the circumstances were different, he would’ve been happy to see how committed she was. But he couldn’t allow things to progress. He had sworn to protect this realm, even from her and Loki. If he failed today, he would fail himself, his father and all of Asgard. 

“How can you trust Loki?” Thor wondered. “He is the god of lies and tricks, Y/N. There is no guarantee that his bargain with you will uphold once all of this is over.”

“You don’t get it, Thor!” Y/N growled angrily. She almost laughed at his attempt of winning her over. “What Loki and I have goes deeper than mere words.”

As she spoke, Thor tried to come up with a plan to defeat her. He glanced to her side, looking at the sturdy wall to see if he could leap at her and use it for support, but she caught the movement of his eye just in time. 

As Thor lunged at her once again, she met his attack with her sword. Thor nearly ran straight into the tip of the blade, but he stopped. It gave her a chance to swing it at him, forcing Thor to take a step back and hit the wall. With one swift move, she pointed it at his throat, making Thor tilt his jaw up to avoid injuries. He tried to move his hammer, but she pushed the sword tighter against him, almost breaking his skin.

“Don’t even think about it!” Y/N warned him against using the hammer.

Thor was trapped.

It would’ve been easy to push it further, but Y/N’s muscles felt like stone. Her hands were trembling as she held her sword that was pressing against Thor’s neck. One wrong move and he would suffer greatly. 

“I know there’s still good in you,” Thor dared to say. If she was evil, she would’ve taken advantage of their position by now. 

“I never said I’m evil, Thor. We’re just two ends of the same coin,” She knew that comparing him to her would infuriate him. There was little he could do as he stood here. 

She didn’t want to kill him. Her heart said no to that wile act. Instead, she would trap him with her magic. With one hand, she kept the sword in place as she used her magic to glue Thor against the wall. The glowing material surrounded Thor’s limbs and it grew brighter and brighter. 

Thor was panicking now. He didn’t want to be trapped by her magic, but he couldn’t do much without risking great injuries. After pondering his choices for a while, Thor tried to move only to learn that he couldn’t. The brightness died down and when he looked at his arms and legs, he saw that they were chained. 

Y/N pulled her sword away and stepped back, looking at her creation in awe. Thor was truly tied down now. 

“I hope it’s comfortable,” She smiled a little bit and tightened the chains without even touching them, forcing Thor to lose his grip on Mjolnir. It fell down on the floor right next to him. He looked helpless as he struggled against the chains. Thor seemed like a lost child when he realized he wasn’t winning the fight. “You’re going to be like that for a while.”

“Are you too afraid to fight me?” Thor wondered, trying to rile her up so she would lose focus on the chains and he could break free. After all, keeping up the magical bounds would drain her of energy sooner or later. If she had used real chains and charged them with power, it would’ve been easier, but she hadn’t had a better option.  

She put on a thoughtful look and leaned against the wall next to him just to mock the god of thunder, “I think I already did.”

Thor looked around him desperately. The Chitauri were destroying everything in their way and he knew that the people were terrified. The portal was a fierce eyesore in the sky and it didn’t seem to stop spitting out enemies. For a moment, he felt truly defeated. He wondered if creating thunder and blasting her with lightning could help. Could he do that without holding his hammer?

All seemed to go according to Y/N’s plan until an arrow appeared out of nowhere. Clint had seen them from a distance and he hadn’t hesitated to shoot at Y/N in order to help Thor out. 

Y/N had been so focused on Thor that she didn’t have time to react. The arrow pierced her through her abdomen and she could feel it hit the wall behind her through her skin.The shock of it all was enough to break the spell and the chains that held Thor down cracked into bits and pieces. It snapped in several links and then just vanished into thin air. 

Just like that, Thor was free again.

Y/N looked down at the arrow that was sticking out of her stomach and the sight made her sick. She dropped her sword and immediately put her hands around the wound, feeling hot blood pooling around it and through her fingers.

“Oh no,” She breathed out in pain. Right now, it hurt more in her soul rather than it did physically. Adrenaline numbed her to a point where she didn’t have to experience the raw pain of it all - yet. 

Thor was genuinely worried for her, although it had been of great help. Now that he was free and she was injured, he could shut the portal. But first, he needed to help her. Despite it all, Y/N was Asgardian. He knew that now and he couldn’t let her suffer. If he did, Loki would lose it and Thor didn’t want Loki to find hidden strength in a moment of despair. It was odd how people found strength they didn’t know they had until they truly needed it. 

“Sit down,” He tried to help her. 

“No! Y/N refused to let him help her. Thor’s mistake was that he assumed the blow had weakened her. For the moment he had tried to reach out for her, she used all her strength to create strong energy blasts. She aimed them at Thor and sent him flying right off the edge of the balcony. 

Thor yelled out in surprise and fell out of her sight. Moments later, the hammer was summoned by him but Y/N didn’t see or hear him anymore. 

As she was all alone, the reality of the situation weighed down on her. There was an arrow pointing out of her stomach and it had possibly pierced some vital parts of her. She knew she couldn’t run around with it inside of her, but she also knew that if she was to pull it out, she would bleed out.

Somehow hers shaking legs carried her inside to safety. She collapsed on the floor and finally, the pain got to her. It burned agonizingly and every time she moved even in the slightest, it grew worse. Y/N forced herself to sit on the floor and she leaned against the back of the sofa. She could still watch the balcony from there and whoever walked inside from the other entrances wouldn’t even see her. So for now, she had no choice but to stay there.

“Ah shit,” She cursed when she ripped her clothes around the arrow to see it better. The surrounding skin was tender to touch and blood was dripping out of it. Had it pierced her back? It had felt like it, but Y/N couldn’t be sure and she wasn’t keen on finding out either. Instead, she closed her eyes for a moment and attempted to heal herself. Could any amount of magic truly heal that? One thing was for sure, she had to try. 

As she sat there, a smile curled up her lips. Out of all her enemies, Hawkeye had managed to harm her. It was almost comedic to her - if it wasn’t for the fact that she was in serious danger. 

“Oh Loki, I hope you’re doing better than me,” She thought out loud. 

Where was Loki when she needed him the most?

                      A nearby explosion followed by glass smashing burst Y/N’s bubble of thoughts. How long had she been healing herself? Her eyes felt weary and she had lost track of time. As she looked around, she saw Loki rolling over on the balcony. The sight of him was a surprise and for a moment, she was relieved to see him. 

Unfortunately, the relief didn’t last long because the next person to join the party was the raging beast. The Hulk barely had time to land on the balcony before he leapt at Loki. The two of them rolled inside and broke more windows on their way in. Loki separated from the beast and he hit his head on the floor hard. Despite how painful the impact looked, he got back up on his feet like it was nothing. 

Y/N knew that her wound was still too bad for her to get up there and face the Hulk. But she was on standby. If Loki needed her, she wasn’t going to let an arrow stop her. So far, they hadn’t noticed her sitting behind the couch with bloody hands. Everything hurt so bad, but she almost forgot about the pain when she looked at the Hulk. Surely, she’d be breakfast for him if he got his hands on her. She didn’t like the thought of that at all.

“ENOUGH!” Loki suddenly yelled. He sounded so done with everything, provoked even. She knew instantly that something was pushing on his mind. It couldn’t be good. 

She grunted in pain as she moved closer. Loki was holding a furious speech and to her surprise, the Hulk had actually stopped for a second to listen. 

“- I will not be bullied by aah!” Loki was caught off guard when he was attacked. The Hulk grabbed him by his legs and brutally smashed him against the ground repeatedly. In his strong arms, Loki was like a rag doll. He didn’t even put up a fight. 

Y/N couldn’t just sit there and look at the mess. It physically pained her to see Loki treated like that. When she got back up her feet clumsily, the Hulk dropped Loki on the floor and he stayed down. The wind was knocked out of him and he stared at the ceiling, completely stunned. 

“Puny god…”

“Stop it! She yelled at the Hulk with tears in her eyes. 

He looked at her and prepared to attack, but when he saw the arrow, even the Hulk let his guard down. Not for long, but he certainly inspected the situation. 

Cautiously, she made her way closer to Loki, only one step at the time. Her eyes never left the Hulk’s. He looked so angry behind the grimace, but he didn’t attack her for some odd reason. 

“Please, just let me help him,” She whispered now. Healing her wound without many results had drained her energy and she was beginning to feel weak and nauseated. The sight of Loki like that didn’t help much. 

Loki hadn’t moved at all. He just laid there and whimpered in pain as he struggled to breathe. Had he even acknowledged Y/N’s presence at all?

When she was deemed too close to Loki, the Hulk tightened his fists and took a step forward. Before she would face him in a fight, another person joined them.

“Step back!” Natasha had arrived. When? Y/N had no clue. Miraculously, the Hulk listened to her but he wasn’t happy about it. He murmured something nasty about gods underneath his breath and walked away like a grumpy child. 

In shock, Y/N turned to face Natasha. Why had she stepped in to help her? That was a mystery but Y/N was genuinely thankful for that. 

Without exchanging words, Natasha just watched as Y/N fell on her knees beside Loki, unable to keep herself up for much longer. The Black Widow didn’t see her as much of a threat by now so she didn’t intervene. They had much bigger problems to think about now that Loki was down.

The first thing Y/N checked was Loki’s breath. She had heard his whimpers, but to feel his breath against her palm was a huge relief. 

“Hey,” She cupped his face in an attempt to gain his attention. He didn’t react to her voice at all. His eyes were closed shut and it almost resembled sleep. If only he was just asleep. The wound on his forehead was bleeding, but it was only a scratch compared to his other injuries.

“Loki, wake up,” She didn’t realize how beaten she was until now. Loki was unconscious and she had an arrow sticking out of her which was beginning to drain the rest of her energy. Everything became more difficult, even breathing. The pain was so overwhelming that it was hard to even think straight. 

She could either try to heal herself more in order to put up a fight against the Avengers, or she could try to heal him. Time was their enemy. As much as it frightened her, she decided to help him. 

With both hands on the sides of his face, she leaned against Loki as much as she could without the bloody arrow getting in the way. Her forehead rested against his gently and then she focused on all her power, directing into him. When she felt her magic blending in with his, it almost felt like someone was tickling her gently. His magic crashed against hers like waves on a stormy sea. The more she borrowed her magic to him, the harder it was to continue. The tickling sensation turned into something heavy and miserable. By now it felt like Loki’s magic had grabbed onto her very soul and it was tugging at it. 

Eventually, Loki opened his eyes. As soon as he realized what was going on, he stopped her. 

“Y/N!” He repeated her name a few times so she would snap out of it. The flow of energy stopped and her body collapsed. Loki sat up and grabbed her just in time before the arrow would've pushed through her completely. 

Gently, he turned them over so she was on her back. Luckily, the arrow hadn’t pierced her back which meant she could lay down on the floor When he saw the arrow, Loki felt sick to his stomach. The sight felt like a punch in the gut and it troubled him greatly. How had this happened? 

Loki’s first instinct was to find the agent who was responsible for this and make him pay for what he had done, but when he learned just how terrible Y/N’s condition was, he couldn’t even consider leaving her side. Loki felt guilty. It weighed down on his shoulders and he regretted dragging her into this. Once again, they were facing misery. It was like fate was testing them. When would it stop? When could they be happy?

He didn’t give a damn about the war, nor the portal. As long as he could help her, Loki would face the consequences. Right now, he couldn’t think about anything or anyone else than her. 

Y/N looked at Loki’s concerned expression and it hurt her. Seeing him injured and so worried over her was like a knife in the heart. But at least he seemed to be alright. He was going to make it. 

“I’m sorry,” She apologized, feeling the need to do so. In her mind, she had failed him. In a moment that could’ve turned out victorious for them, she had let her guard down and Hawkeye had managed to get a good shot at her. 

“Don’t apologize,” Loki was quick to say something. “You’ll be alright,” He wasn’t entirely sure if he believed that himself. He forced himself to look at the wound and it was worse than he had imagined. How long had she had it in her? Why wasn’t her healing powers working against it? 

A realization sent shivers down Loki’s spine. As happy as he was when he knew she would survive, he felt miserable. They had just found themselves again. This moment reminded him of the past. When he had lost her before. It was too similar and it wrecked him on the inside. 

At least he could keep his promise. She’d be alright. 

Natasha was watching them from a safe distance, but she didn’t focus on what they were saying. There were too many other issues she had to think about. She was willing to let Loki help her as long as he wouldn’t try anything else. By now, the portal had been closed and the others were finishing up their tasks. She was still waiting for Tony’s update. Last time the team had heard of him, there had been talk about a bomb. Tony had told them he had an idea.

The Hulk had left the building as he struggled to contain his rage near Loki. Natasha hoped that she could get some backup soon, but she also felt oddly confident in the situation. Loki seemed like he only had eyes for Y/N and nothing and no one else in that moment. 

“I can help you,” Loki wanted her to understand that his intention was good. His lips were quivering now and he failed to mask how upset he was. 

Despite how exhausted and weak she was, she picked up on that. “What are you talking about?” 

Loki moved slightly so he was sitting comfortably right next to her. He helped her move so she could rest her hair on his lap. It was easier to work when she was closer to him like that. 

“I’m going to have to remove this,” Loki explained carefully and glanced at the arrow.

Y/N followed the trail of his eyes. The idea of him pulling it out of her was gnarly and she knew it wouldn’t feel nice. What did she have to lose? 

“Do you trust me?” Loki needed her answer.

It was scary, but she wasn’t afraid to trust him, “I do.”

Tears were gathering in the corners of Loki’s eyes. His mind was blocking out everything else. He refused to waste energy by thinking about their defeat or Thanos. Now all he could do was focus on her and making sure she’d live. 

He grabbed the arrow and took a deep breath as if to prepare himself for the inevitable. Y/N gave him a nod which encouraged him to pull it out. Carefully, he began tugging at it. He could feel every little movement as he removed the arrow which was sickening. How could anyone hurt her? Loki didn’t understand that. He blamed himself for not being there to watch her back. 

Once the arrow was removed, crimson blood oozed out of the wound and soaked her clothes and eventually the floor. She winced out in pain and squeezed her eyes shut. Loki had no time to waste. 

“It’ll be okay very soon,” Loki promised her sincerely. He bent down to press a comforting kiss on her forehead, one that he knew he would savour for as long as he’d live. She didn’t respond to him, but she heard his voice clear as day. 

Loki took one last glance at her. It felt like goodbye all over again. In a way, it was. Then he put his palm right above the wound, feeling the hot blood on his skin. He closed his eyes and focused entirely on healing her. 

When Y/N felt the pain subside ever so slightly, she tried to face Loki. Her vision was blurry and she could hardly see past him. Instead of his usual green magic, a white light began to grow around his palm. It surrounded her wound instantly and began to spread all around them, until they were inside a shield of magic. The pure energy of it all was so strong. If anyone from the outside had tried to reach them, they wouldn’t have been able to do so.

Y/N watched in awe as the air around them turned into a whirlwind. It was gentle but it played with his hair. Next thing she knew, Loki opened his eyes and they were white. It looked like all the colour had been drained from them and they shone so brightly that it was nearly impossible to look directly into them. What was he doing?

“I need you to know that I’m sorry,” Loki turned to face her. Was he crying?

“W-why?” 

Loki was quiet for a moment. That’s when Y/N picked up another source of light. It came from her own palm. As she looked at it, she saw the stars again. Why were they shining? One star in particular stuck out. Unlike the other stars that shone just as brightly as the other, this one was more intense. 

“I never meant to drag you into this. This was never supposed to happen,” Loki was talking about everything that had happened. In his mind, they should’ve been together, possibly on Asgard. They deserved to be happy. But life had been cruel and separated them. Was this a direct result of all their wrong choices? 

“I chose to be by your side,” Y/N remembered. By now, speaking felt immensely difficult. Her body wanted to sleep. Her eyes hardly stayed open. The idea of accepting the darkness that so desperately wanted to surround her was tempting. It no longer scared her. 

Loki lifted his palm from her wound. As he did that, she noticed that the stars beneath his skin were shining as well. The magic he was using was strong, but strange. Why did it feel so familiar? 

When Loki reached for her hand and touched it, she didn’t feel his touch anymore. Everything was so numb. The lack of feeling made her feel so shallow. 

All of a sudden Y/N felt her heart skip a beat. Right afterwards Loki let go of her hand. The star from her palm suddenly raised above and floated in the air right underneath Loki’s hand. One of his stars joined it and they watched how the small lights danced together. In a bizarre way, it was beautiful. Calming, even.

Carefully, as if he was trying not to drop something, Loki moved the stars toward the brutal wound. The lights merged into one bigger star and it twinkled a few times. It almost looked like a diamond with a million cut edges. The magic that was stored within it was so powerful it could’ve moved oceans apart. Even though Y/N was weak and she felt like she would succumb to nothingness at any moment now, she could feel the magic in her soul. 

“I wish there was another way,” Loki’s voice was quiet. Then he lowered the star and pressed his palm above her wound again. This time, he could feel the change. It closed as the magic began to heal her. 

Loki knew that soon enough, they would be strangers again. It tore his heart to pieces, but he knew it was for the best. He was going to make sure she wouldn’t suffer for the consequences of his actions and then he would leave her in the past - forever. They had tried to make things work out several times, but it had never been successful. In his mind, he brought misfortune to her. Everything he touched seemed to turn to dust. 

“Goodbye,” Loki whispered his farewell to her, unsure if she could hear. She was blessed with a fresh start, but he would be cursed with knowledge, with their memories. 

“I love you.”

As if someone had breathed life into her lungs for her, Y/N gasped dramatically. She blinked and the next time she opened her eyes, she was in an entirely different place. 

Everything turned pitch black. The darkness enveloped her completely. 

Where am I?

Who am I?

Thoughts swirled in her head as she stood in the middle of nowhere, all alone. How did she get there?

When something flashed by her side, it startled her. Y/N turned around but she was too slow. The mysterious figure had already vanished. 

“Hello?” She called out for anyone who could hear her frightened voice.

Another flash of light caught her attention. And another. another. It didn’t stop until she saw countless of figures all around her. Where did they come from? They were all whispering something, but she couldn’t make sense of it. Their voices merged together into one big mess that grew louder and louder until it hurt her ears. 

There was no use in hiding. There were no places to run for shelter. She was surrounded by these mysterious flashes and they terrified her. 

It quickly overwhelmed her. Y/N covered her face with her hands in an attempt to block out the bizarre creatures around her. A few seconds passed and everything turned silent again. Her heart was beating hard. It felt like it had leapt to her throat at this point. Did she dare to look?

It took every ounce of courage she had to remove the hands from her face. When she did, she saw a figure standing right in front of her.

“Who are you?!” She wasn’t even sure who she was, but it was the first thing that came to mind. Did the stranger know how scared she was?

He just stood there. His emerald eyes didn’t move. As she looked at him longer, she realized that he didn’t move at all. He was completely frozen in time. 

Her eyes scanned the other figures that stood all around them. No one moved, but they all stared at her ominously. Being surrounded by these people with no way out was like a nightmare. The place seemed never-ending. The figures were in rows as far as her eyes could see. 

Several of them resembled the man who stood right in front of her. They looked younger, some seemed older. There were several faces in the crowd, but this one stuck out the most. His raven hair and piercing gaze were somehow familiar. So Y/N decided to be brave and face him one more time. 

“Can you hear me?” She wondered. Her voice echoed in the odd space. 

Instead of saying something to her, the man reached out his hand. When she looked at his outstretched hand, she noticed something that resembled stars right above his palm. They were mesmerizing and it was hard to look away. The lights had a gravity to them. 

There were nine stars in total, but only six of them were twinkling with light. Three of them were dull, like a dying fire. It reminded her of darkened coal. Burned to an end. 

Did he want her to touch them? Why wasn’t he speaking? 

“What are they?” She needed to know.

The man’s cold expression shifted into something more sympathetic. “Our lives, Y/N.”

Y/N?

That must’ve been her name. It felt right. 

What did he mean by that? 

“Am I dead?” She barely managed to push the words out of her mouth. The idea of being dead was startling, but it made sense. 

“I suppose you could say that,” the man replied calmly, “but not for long.”

Not for long?

“What do you mean?” Y/N had to know. Her poor heart felt like it was going to explode. Nothing made sense and she felt so lost and lonely. 

“Once you are ready, you can return to your third life.”

Third life?

A shocked laugh escaped her lips, “This is madness.”

“Is it?” The man questioned her mysteriously. 

Silence fell over them. Only this time, it didn’t feel as scary. Y/N studied the countless of faces all around her. Some of them belonged to a boy. An older man also shared that face so she assumed it was the same person. She saw a man and a woman who were always standing next to each other, no matter how many duplicates they had. One of the people around her always held onto a hammer. One was missing an eye. And there were so many more. 

Why was this person the one talking to her? And why did she feel so sentimental about this stranger? Were they strangers or had she forgotten him? 

“Who are you?” She repeated her earlier question. 

“I’m merely a memory,” he explained, “you’ll have to find me again.”

By now she knew that he wasn’t going to give her any direct answers. The best thing she could do was to take in all the details on his face. If there was a chance that she could find him, she was definitely going to do so. He was the only clue she had on anything. 

“How do I return to it?” Y/N questioned him after a while. This strange and dark place had nothing more to offer her. She felt ready to face whatever came next. The unknown was both frightening and ever so tempting. It made her curious. 

“Take my hand,” The man instructed her. Although it was slightly strange, she trusted him. 

And she did so. The moment she touched his hand and he closed his fingers around hers, the other figures vanished into thin air. The darkness began to fade and it felt like the world was caving in on them. 

The man disappeared as well. For a moment, she was all by herself. Everything was fine, until the sensation of her falling took her by surprise. Y/N flinched and her eyes opened wide. 

She noticed people all around her. They were all bloody and their clothes were dirty. The place they were in was fancy, but the broken furniture and windows were evidence of something awful that had happened. Did she die there? 

Y/N was sitting on the floor and she wanted to stand up,  but a man was pointing an arrow at her. 

“Don’t move,” He sounded angry. 

“Woah,” She raised her arms in surrender, not wishing to die and return to that dark world she just came back from. This man didn’t look anything like the one who had talked to her. 

“Her spell is broken!” A familiar voice made both of them turn their heads. A tall man had said it and he was facing them with his back. Y/N saw a green cape and long, dark hair. She couldn’t believe her luck. It must’ve been the same man.

“You!” She smiled despite having an arrow pointed at her. “It’s you!” She couldn’t believe her eyes when he turned around and she saw his face. Then she saw the handcuffs and the blonde man who was holding onto him. Was he a prisoner?

“What’s going on?” A redheaded woman seemed confused by the situation. “I thought she was a goner.”

The man with the cape kept a cold look on his face, “She was for a moment. But she’s much tougher than you’d think.”

The blonde man tugged at his arm, “what did you say about a spell, Loki?” 

Loki? So his name was Loki? Y/N tried to remember that as she watched them from the floor. 

“Did you really think I would trust her to be loyal to me after everything? That I would leave the tesseract into her hands after we had spent so long apart?” Loki laughed mockingly and then faced her again, “I used something far stronger than the sceptre to turn her to my side. It seems like a little brush with death wore it off.”

She couldn’t believe her ears. The only clue she had was him and he was talking about putting a spell over her? Why did he sound so mean? 

The redheaded woman made the guy lower his weapon and the arrow was no longer pointed at her. 

“Can we trust him?” The arrow man seemed suspicious of it all.

“There’s only one way to find out,” The woman replied and knelt down on the floor next to Y/N. “How are you feeling?” 

“I...I don’t understand. What’s going on?” Y/N needed to know. A terrible headache was forming in her head at an alarming rate. Her mind tried to put all the pieces together but absolutely nothing made sense. Not knowing anything or remembering anything was like hell. 

“The wound is gone,” The woman noticed as she glanced at Y/N’s stomach. 

What wound?

“Who are you?” 

“Do you really not remember?” The woman narrowed her eyes and seemed to look right into her soul. She certainly had a tough expression.

Cautiously, Y/N shook her head no. 

“I’m Natasha,” She introduced herself, but still remained suspicious. “We have to take you with us just in case you are tricking us,” She pointed at Loki as she spoke. Then rather gently, she helped Y/N up on her feet. “We’re going to get to the bottom of things.”

For a moment, Y/N felt lightheaded. She didn’t fight it as Natasha put handcuffs around her wrists. It’s like her mind was so overwhelmed by everything that she was unable to do much. Why were they in handcuffs?

“What happened?” 

Everyone in the room shared strange glances. Why was there a huge, green person in the room as well? Why did he look so angry? 

“Loki what did you do to her?” The blonde man wondered bitterly. Everyone seemed to blame Loki for this, whatever this was.

“I already told you, now didn’t I?” Loki was quick with his remark. The two of them seemed to have a complicated relationship. Their outfits resembled each other’s and stood out from everyone else there. 

Natasha nudged Y/N gently so she would walk with her, “I usually know a liar when I see one. I think she’s genuinely confused,” she let everyone know. 

Confused was an understatement. 

“Okay all of you, let’s move!” A brown haired guy spoke. There was a strange blue light underneath his shirt that immediately caught Y/N’s attention. It was located right above his heart. He was also carrying a silver briefcase and he had what looked like guards on both his sides. Whatever he was carrying must’ve been priceless.

Everyone began to make their way into the elevator, including Natasha and Y/N. The green thing tried to get into the elevator as well, but it was full. All Y/N could do was to just stand next to Natasha and silently take in her surroundings. She didn’t know what to think of it all. 

As the elevator doors closed, the green one hit it so hard that the metal bent. No one seemed surprised by it, but Y/N was shocked. How had he done that? 

She turned around to look at Loki who now had his mouth covered by a metallic mouth guard.  Asking him anything at all would’ve been useless because there was no way he could answer with that thing on. No, she didn’t know what he had done or why he was treated like a prisoner, but it didn’t mean she didn’t feel for him. His face had appeared before her just a moment ago. Clearly, he was important. 

And he didn’t even look at her. 

Why did it hurt? 

Loki was all she could think about when they were led out of the elevator. The ground level was swarmed with people. A lot of them wore suits and the overall tension in the space was obvious. Looking outside through the big windows, she could see destruction and smoke. It didn’t take a fool to know that something terrible had went down there, wherever they were. 

They were stopped when a group of armed men walked right up to them, blocking the entrance. 

“May I ask you where you’re going?” An older man questioned the man with the briefcase. It seemed serious. 

“To lunch and then Asgard, and I’m sorry, you are?” The blonde one had let go of Loki as he answered the man’s question. 

The man with the briefcase answered for him, “Alexander Pierce.  He's the man, one of the folks behind Nick Fury,” He explained the latter a little bit quieter. 

Alexander didn’t want to waste any more time, “My friends call me Mr. Secretary. I'm gonna have to ask you to turn those prisoners over to me.”

Prisoners?

Y/N realized that only she and Loki were handcuffed. He must’ve been talking about them. The idea of going somewhere with Alexander Pierce made her uncomfortable for whatever reason. Like she wasn’t able to trust him at all. 

“Loki will answer to Odin himself,” The tall blonde man explained, “and Y/N? She’s not really a prisoner. I think not.”

“Oh they’re going to answer to us, Odin can have what’s left...of Loki,” Alexander sounded quite sure of himself, “And I’m gonna need that case. That's been S.H.I.E.L.D. property for over 70 years,” He gestured toward the briefcase. Whatever was inside it was beginning to catch Y/N’s interest. Why were people fighting over it? She wanted to know what it was.

“What do you mean? Why are you keeping Y/N?” Briefcase guy wondered. 

“She, just as the case, has been our property for years. We are not done with her!”

Their property? The sound of that made Y/N’s skin crawl. Why did they speak of her like she was less of a person? It made her sick to her stomach and she wanted to chew on the guy’s words, but decided to stay quiet for a little longer. The two guys were handling the situation just fine. 

The authority over the briefcase quickly turned into an argument right before their eyes. As they fought over it, Y/N turned around to look at Loki. He was taking in his surroundings, studying every little thing he could see. Was he planning something? 

For a moment, their eyes met and she could’ve sworn that his expression softened. It looked like he wanted to say something, but it was impossible. If she read his eyes correctly, she could tell that he was sorry. The man looked defeated and he had been quite sassy with everyone else. But now he looked at her with compassion, even if it was only for a second. She noticed it. 

Everything came to a halt when the briefcase fell on the floor and the man who had been carrying it began to visibly struggle. Everyone reacted to the man’s sudden change of demeanor and somehow, the briefcase slid away from them and no one seemed to care. What on earth was happening to him? 

A guard grabbed the briefcase and tried to walk away with it - just like that. It seemed wrong, but Y/N wasn’t going to stop him. Someone else did.

The green beast finally reached their level and he was upset. The door he had opened had pushed the guard on the floor and now the briefcase slid right back to their direction. The green one started roaring out in anger about how much he hated stairs, the people began to run away from him in panic. Y/N froze on the spot, staring at him wide eyed. She had no idea what he was capable of and she didn’t truly want to figure that out either. 

Instead, she fixated her eyes on the bright blue cube that fell out of the briefcase. It was beautiful. She couldn’t look away and she just watched as it reached Loki’s feet. Loki looked at it in astonishment, like he couldn’t believe his luck. Then before anyone could stop him, he bent down and grabbed it. 

He made the decision in a second and he didn’t hesitate at all when he ran toward Y/N and held onto her as well as he could with his cuffed hands. 

“What are you-” She didn’t even get to finish her sentence as a portal appeared right behind Loki. The sight of it took her breath away as she couldn’t believe what she was seeing. It had bright blue edges just like the cube, but it led into seemingly eternal darkness. Before anyone could stop them, Loki stepped back into it, and pulled her with him.

The moment they entered the mysterious portal, it disappeared and Loki held onto her tighter. She was scared that something bad would happen if she let go, so instinctively she held onto Loki for dear life.

[Chapter 5 - coming soon] 

A/N: we’re out of canon timelines now so I can do whatever I want >:) Also I would love to hear your feedback! That always makes writing worth it. <3 

TAGS:  @lokislittlecorner @angelicwolf98 @iraniq  @thegirlbeyondtheuniverse @chipmunkchick @chimera4plums @myraiswack @grincheveryday @surprisinglyaestheticinfj @kinghiddlestonanddixon​ @subtlemalice​ @alfoos​ @ayamenimthiriel​ @whimsicalwoodlands​ @strangemcuvlogs @green-valkyrie​  @i-have-arrived-bitch​ @alfoos​ @amwolowicz​ @klanceiscannon14​ @captain-asguard​

[franeridart]

Anon said: i dont know what blue lock is but that art you just posted is making me interested lol

AHHHHH please getting people interested in it is all my life is about lately hahahaha it’s a sports manga about soccer! Kind of!! Definitely has all the good sides of sports manga, but it’s also different enough from the usual sports manga that I know people who aren’t huge sports manga fan who loved every second of it, please do give it a try if you find yourself with the time for it! It’s such a cool manga!!!

Anon said: I don't even like BNHA anymore, haven't for more than a year, but your blog still has me shipping the characters somehow. I live for your KiriBaku content (and your KamiJirou stuff, when you post it!)

Gosh, I’m glad I can make you like them still!! It’s such a compliment, honestly ;A; <3

Anon said: so i was looking through your art and stuff and was wondering "hey i wonder if theyve ever drawn voltron stuff" and tbh, i didnt expect you to have

To be fair, if you checked it means that at least a little you thought it was possible lol I haven’t watched anything past s1 of it though, so the chances of me ever picking it up again are less than zero

Anon said: You... are one of the loves of my life... and also the main reason I check tumblr everyday lol.

Anon!!! You’re gonna make me blush here!!!!! ;;;; thank you so much!

Anon said: i started reading bluelock because of u and now im obsessed soooo,,,,, thanks!❤️😭

SO HAPPY TO HEAR THAT!!!!!

Anon said: Hii, do you have a Spotify account? If you do, can you share it? I really like the songs u use on your arts, and I would love to see your Playlists Sorry if it's already on your FAQ, I didn't find it And sorry for my bad English ps. I LOVE YOUR KIRIBAKU ARTS THANK YOU

I don’t! I listen to all my music from youtube, because I’m that kind of person lmao happy to hear we share music tastes, though! And thank you so much!!! <3

Anon said: What's your favorite arc of ToG both story wise and art wise?

SCREAMS I don’t know!!!! I’ve been thinking about this ask since getting it I have genuinely zero clue I love all arcs so much for so many different reasons!!!!! The first that comes to mind when I think about it is the workshop battle arc, because I love Viole with everything I have and the whole arc (plus the build up to it too!!) hurts in the most wonderful way, but then I keep thinking about it and I realize there’s so many character I live for that don’t appear in it - I love the floor of death arc SO MUCH cause for one, there’s nearly all my favorite characters in it, and also because it’s such a good, dynamic arc?? everything that happens is so much fun and interesting?? also Hockney is there, and Urek is there, and Garam is there, and the Hell Train gang is all there, so!! AH and the hell train as a whole is so damn good (the dallar show???? my whole soul rests in there, Khun’s trust in Bam!! the coin flip with rachel!! Bam’s whole everything!!!!!!!! GAH) but my fav part of it has to be the hidden floor?? because!!!!!! it’s perfect from start to end, everyone in it is wonderful, Bam’s growth in it!!! GODS! My favorite scene in the whole webtoon is in the hidden floor arc, it’s how much I love it - THEN THERE’S YAMA and the whole arc there is so so SO good too, and the latest arc!! how good is the latest arc!!!!!

so yeah I can’t pick - art wise I think it goes without saying that SIU’s art has only gotten better, so the closest to the newest update you go the more I like the art.... though, my favorite Bam is still the short haired one from the Hell Train arc haha

Anon said: Oh, wow, how stupid of me. Like 2 months ago, I sent you a message telling you how much I loved your work... and I didn’t see it on your page, or anywhere else. Finally today, I discovered I had an inbox where you answered me... 🤦‍♀️... I still love your work, by the way...

AHHH yeah I always answer off-anon asks privately! And thank you so much for still liking my things!!

Anon said: Have you read the last haikyuu chapter? How did you feel about it?

I’ve reread it at least twenty times and then I went and reread the whole of the last game again and it’s been three weeks and I’m still thinking about it more or less constantly and feeling giddy happy about everything that manga has ended up being, genuinely one of the best manga I’ve ever had the pleasure of following till the very end - that’s how I feel about it <3

Anon said: I really like looking at your art it’s so therapeutic it’s wonderful please keep drawing I want to support you on Kofi and patreon and yet I am broke please just know I love u very much ok bye

Ahhhh it’s okay anon! I try to keep as little completely unavailable for my followers as I can, and I’ll do my best to keep drawing! Can’t promise the fandoms will always be stuff you care about though haha

Anon said: This is my FAVORITE art blog. Is blog even a word that ppl use anymore?? Idk but anyways your kiribaku gives me life and cures my depression so ily and thank u

I’m so so happy to hear that! Thank you so much!!! TTATT <3

Anon said: just now realizing your oc looks like the human version of kamakiri

To be fair the only thing they have in common is the green mohawk, but I get where you’re coming from! I was very happy when Kamakiri’s official colors came out exactly cause he makes me think about my boy, after all xD my love for Kamakiri is definitely biased, in that sense haha

Anon said: Just wanted to let u know im very gay for ur oc giulia that is all thanks

Anon I’m gonna cry I’m so glad you like her!!!!!!!!!! She’s one of my oldest OCs out of that group, it’s always so thrilling to know people like her ;A; <3

Anon said: I really like how you draw kirishima’s hair

Thank you!!!!!!!!!!! I have a lot of fun with it, though it does mean it ends up being kinda off canon more often than not haha

Anon said: hi! just a random question but how’d you come up with your name?

Fran is my name! Erid comes from Eridan from homestuck! Art is what I try to do! And that’s the incredibly interesting story behind my screen name haha

Anon said: Heya, so i sent the ask about the person who i suspect either heavily referenced or traced your art (i sent another ask about this tho im not sure if it went through) anyway, it was posted by ****************** you'll know it when you see it i think

Ahhhhhh sorry for how long this took me to answer, I went to check and it’s!!! fine, I mean, would have preferred if they had credited but I don’t think it was completely traced so I don’t mind too much, I used to copy art of people I liked too back when I was first starting, after all haha

[nopefun]

Interview #492: Edra Galzeran

q: Give a short introduction of yourself: a: My name is Edra Galzeran, I am a photographer from Terrassa, a small town near Barcelona. In my teenage years this industrial city had little appeal for an awakened mind; it was just a place to run away from. So It was then that I started my escapades to Barcelona, a place where things happened. I left the calmness of my town, to plunge into the excitement, the madness of the city. At some point Barcelona also began to feel smaller and so began a long journey of ten years during which I had the opportunity to live in ever larger cities such as Berlin, Moscow and Kiev with the exception of Venice.

In the meantime, I studied Translation and Interpreting and began to take photographs and paint. All these cities fascinated me and still do, probably because they are places where the West meets the East. It’s funny how now, some years later, I have changed the excitement by the silence since I now live in a small town. In a way, I have returned to my origins. Now I love the closeness to nature, the Waldeisamkeit, being alone and wonderful in the forest.

q: How has the past year been for you? a: This terrible year was undoubtedly a turning point for me in many ways. On the one hand, the calm caused by the confinement, the slowing down of work, gave me the opportunity to become a de facto photographer, to show my work to the world. I have always photographed, but I could say that the germination of my capacity as a photographer is in Ukraine because there I started to really “see”. I bought my first SRL camera and started to walk and photograph what was around me, what caught my attention even If I did not think about becoming a photographer at that time. Things would start later, a few years after I returned to Barcelona in 2008. I had a lot of material that I had collected over the years, I did a workshop on analog photography and at that time I started to imagine the idea of becoming a photographer. I certainly already was, but it’s always difficult to say it out loud, when you are self-taught. Later it was difficult to find time to make a website, etc, because of my work, because of time constraints. However during the confinement I had to stay at home and had a lot of time to work on my new career.

On the other hand, this year has shown the fragility of human beings and our way of life has changed completely. The Covid has equaled us all more or less in disgrace. I personally was not affected by the disease, nor was anyone around me, although I had to face a family tragedy that kept me on my toes for almost three months.    

q: What is your series "Immram" about? a: The word “Immram” is an old Irish word that usually means "journey". At the same time it is the name of a kind of story from Irish literature. These stories are about the sea voyage of a hero to the Otherworld. They were mostly written in the Christian era (8th century), but still preserve elements of Irish mythology.

Immrams focus on the exploits of heroes in their search for the Otherworld, which in these cases is located on the westernmost islands of Ireland. The hero sets out on his journey to experience adventure or fulfill his destiny and usually stops at other fantastic islands before reaching his destination.

My project Immram is a journey into the Otherworld, to my own Otherworld, it is a journey between past and present, between truth and fiction, between paganism and Christianity. It is my winter journey to an old, hostile island in the west of Ireland, where all kinds of beliefs are permeable. It is the smallness of man in the face of a nature steeped in fatalism.

q: In your series “Flor de marge”, you revisited photos you took more than a decade ago in Ukraine. What was the process like for you and what did you rediscover? Do you feel you photograph differently now? a: It was all part of the same process of creating myself as a photographer. During this slow period of confinement, I began to look at the material I had produced over the years, but it also brought to mind all the forgotten photos that I had taken in Ukraine. It was a surprise to discover that I was already a photographer back then. I found some interesting pictures. When I looked at them, it was like seeing the person I was ten years ago. It was very revealing. I saw the gaze I had then; I saw a harsh reality that unfortunately is shaping our days more and more, at least in Spain.

As for photography, things are quite different today. Paradoxically at a time when everyone shamelessly exposes their private lives in the social media, no one wants to be photographed in the street. I do not think that is so terrible. I remember a time when I lived in the middle of Barcelona, in the Gothic quarter, near the Plaça Real, and dozens and dozens of tourists were loitering around. I often heard the click of the camera, and probably I will be seen in many pictures with my always loving red scarf.

Today I photograph differently; I have shifted the street photography of my beginnings in favour of introspective photography. People are becoming more and more inaccessible, at least in Western countries and it is difficult to capture these special moments. When you have to ask for permission, all the magic of the moment disappears. But there is one wonderful exception, I am thinking now of Katty Grannan, a photographer who does great portraits of people on the street who want to be photographed. My new projects are more oriented towards nature, maybe because I now live two minutes away from the forest. They are more introspective, the human presence has become more residual.

q: You mentioned that you are also a painter. Do you see a link between your photography and painting? a: Perhaps in the dominance of strong contrasts and in a certain tendency, especially in more recent works, towards pessimism, in line with the times, although I am a rather cheerful person in my everyday life. In any case, I believe that I am in a phase of experimentation in both photography and painting.

q: Upcoming projects or ideas? a: I have several projects in mind, but the most advanced is "Cal y silencio" (Lime and silence). This project deals with the phenomenon of depopulation of rural areas in Spain. The centre of Spain is a vast plateau that covers most of the national territory, a place with extreme temperatures both in winter and in summer, where only the 15% of the population live in the 53 % of the territory. In recent decades there has been a migration to the major cities of the periphery and to the capital, Madrid. The rural world in Spain is a forgotten world full of dying villages, solitude, isolation, lime and silence.

q: Any music to recommend? a: That is a pretty difficult question, because I listen to very different music from all times, from different styles and from many, many countries. Depending on my mood, I listen to music from Schubert's Winterrreise to Ravi Shankar, from The Doors to Bon Iver, from Chavela Vargas to Mina…I have long Spotify playlists that I like to play randomly. I also enjoy the discoveries of this platform, the last one yesterday, a Turkish version of the Russian song “Podmoskovnie Vechera” (Moscow nights) by Tülay German.

her website and Instagram.

Get more updates on our Facebook page and Instagram.

[self-proclaimed-chaotic-good]

When I Was Older | Poe Dameron x Reader (Oneshot)

Words: 1584

A/N: How long has it been?! Tryna get back into writing again and decided to take a break from the series that I’m working on to do a quick oneshot. Figured it’d be easier to get the creative juices flowing if I browse through my Spotify playlist. Crazy how someone could be banging out a story every day for one whole month then take a break for a couple of months and feel like they haven’t written in forever.

-

The village was completely destroyed. The informant was missing, the others in your squadron confirmed that their body was not found among the fallen. Poe cursed, kicking a piece of debris before gripping at his curls in frustration. You grimaced, approaching one of the housing that remained standing. Being careful of the rubble, you stepped around and searched inside, hoping that there was a clue to the informant’s whereabouts, some sort of sign.

The house had a modest interior, but appeared well loved and well lived in. You could only imagine what it had been like for this family to be living about their lives until the First Order storms through their village.

You stooped down, gingerly picking up a doll of what looked to be a humanoid droid. It was still intact, save for the broken eye and crooked limbs, but fixable. Stepping closer to the broken stairs, you heard a faint sniffing.

“Hello?” you called out softly. There was scrambling across the floorboards above. “It’s safe now. You can come out.”

“(Y/n)?” Poe said, hearing your voice in the house.

“I think there’s someone in here,” you said, looking up the stairs.

Poe looked at the state of the stairs and shook his head. “It’s too dangerous to go up there…,” he muttered, walking towards it anyways. “Hello? We’re here to help.”

A small head poked through one of the broken floorboards. “Hey,” you said with a small smile, “Is it just you?”

The small head nodded with a sniff, brown eyes wide in fear and sadness.

“We’re gonna get you down there, okay, buddy?” Poe assured them. He took a tentative step up, minding the broken boards, then took another step.

Halfway up, he saw a young boy, possibly younger than twelve. He wore a loose dark gray shirt and shorts, dusty goggles resting on his short black hair. Poe reached his arms out towards him. The boy slowly made his way over to him and froze as the step under him creaked.

“It’s okay,” Poe said, “Move quickly. I’ll catch you, I promise.”

He nodded, taking a deep breath before rushing over, landing in Poe’s arms who rushed down the steps before they could cave in. Your arms shot out to steady him before he could fall back.

“You two okay?” you asked.

Poe nodded, lowering the boy onto his feet. He crouched in front of him and dusted off his hair. “What’s your name, kid?”

“Bokan,” he said quietly. “My family… they’re dead, aren’t they?”

You and Poe exchanged a look before turning back to Bokan. He just lowered his head and let out a soft whimper. “I saw everything,” he said, “But my aunt… I don’t know where she went.”

“Your aunt?” you asked.

“She said that she was going to meet someone outside of the village. I never saw her since.”

You sighed. “We’ll get you somewhere safe, Bokan, and we’ll help you find your aunt, too. Will you be okay with coming with us?”

He nodded, then spotted the doll in your hand. You handed it to him and he quickly pulled it to his chest. The two of you made your way to the squad to update them of the situation before getting ready to leave. You took Bokan into your X-Wing with just enough room to fit him with you. His eyes did light up as you buckled in with him in your lap. His hands reached out towards the console and steering controls before pulling away.

“When we’re safe at the base, maybe I can show you how it all works,” you offered.

“I’d like that,” he said.

The flight back to base was uneventful, but you did see Poe trying to do tricks with his X-Wings to cheer Bokan up, earning a laugh from him.

At the debriefing, Poe explained the situation and about Bokan. Leia sighed in frustration as more innocent lives were lost at the hands of the First Order but knew that there was some hope as the informant could possibly still be alive. She suggested being on a look out for any messages sent by her and to notify her immediately.

“And what of the kid?” another general asked.

“We’re taking him in until we find his aunt, of course,” Leia said firmly. “He’s safer with us than out there vulnerable or worse, taken by the FIrst Order to be trained as a stormtrooper.”

From then on, Bokan became part of the Resistance. Humans, aliens, and droids all looked after him, but he always asked when you or Poe were going to take him flying. With reconnaissance missions and looking for his aunt, there hadn’t been much time since you'd found him. The others at the base managed to occupy him, showing him around the place and teaching him things from how droids work to how to play sabacc. You did get a little worried when you heard how quick he was learning that game and warned the pilots to not let him play too much.

When you finally got a free day, you took Bokan to the hangar to check out the different ships. He ran up to your X-Wing and you had to help him up the ladder to the cockpit, placing your helmet onto his head. He grinned, gripping onto the steer controls and pretended to fly.

“I always wanted to fly something like this,” he said.

You moved onto the other ships, explaining the different models and the purposes for each one. The two of you stopped in front of a U-Wing and he smiled.

“I remember flying one of these when I was older,” he said, walking up to it.

You raised an eyebrow. “Don’t you mean when you flew in one of those when you were younger?”

Bokan shook his head, running his hand along the panels of the ship. “When I was older,” he repeated, “I was a pilot. I couldn’t become a fighter pilot, but managed to become a cargo pilot instead. I think I worked for bad people, but I wanted to do good stuff. When I died, I think I died knowing I did good, that I helped good people get rid of the bad people.”

“Huh.”

That night in bed, you thought a lot about what Bokan said. Was reincarnation real? You’ve heard about it in your travels, but you've never seen it before. The story behind reincarnation was that when a person dies, their energy becomes part of the Force and it never fades. Sometimes that energy goes into another being and those people would sometimes get flashes of their other life in a dream or if they felt like they did something before.

“I can tell you’re thinking hard about something,” Poe muttered in his sleepy state, eyes opened just a crack as he peered over at you.

“I took Bokan flying today,” you said quietly, “and when I was showing him the ships at the hangar, he said the weirdest things.”

“Like what?”

“Like… he said that he flew a cargo ship when he was older. That he was a pilot before and that… he said he died.”

Poe frowned, turning to his side and leaned up on his elbow. “What else did he say?”

“He said he used to work for bad people, but he helped good people get rid of them. I’m not sure where he was getting that stuff from. Maybe one of the pilots was telling him stories or something.” You sighed, knowing that none of them would ever put Bokan in danger, but that doesn’t mean that they were completely responsible when a child was involved.

Poe hummed, rubbing his hand on your arm as he thought. “There was this story that I had been told by my mom… about how the Rebellion destroyed the Death Star. She said, in order to destroy it, they needed to find its weakest point. In order to do that, they needed the plans to the Death Star. This was something that I’m surprised not many people talk about.”

“I heard a group of rebels stole the plans from the Empire,” you said.

“That’s right,” he said with a nod, sinking back down in his pillow, “but no one talks about who they were. In fact, they were ordered not to go after it because of the risk. Not all of them had originally been part of the Rebellion. One of them had actually been the daughter of the Death Star architect, or so my mom said. Another, a former Imperial cargo pilot. Mom told me that because of him, the Rebellion found out about the plans and the Death Star’s weakness in the first place. He gave them hope. With their last dying breath, they worked to send the plans to the Rebellion before the planet they were on were destroyed.”

“Are you saying that Bokan could be this former Imperial pilot?”

“It’s possible. Even if someone’s passed, they’re never truly gone.” He pulled out his mother’s ring and ran a thumb over it. “They would have loved to meet you.”

You scooted closer to Poe until your foreheads touched. “They will once we visit Yavin.”

“Yeah? You know my proposal is still pending…,” Poe trailed off as your eyes fluttered closed, “I can wait. No matter what happens, I believe we’ll be together. In this life and the next. I know we’ll find each other again. If the Force wills it...”

[f-117-nighthawk]

Playlist Update? From MY Brain? More Likely Than You Think

can't remember the last time I posted these all together but I just put a few new songs in. I've been playing Arknights bc STARSET songs keep being used in the trailers, and then I was listening to Transmissions while making dinner, and uhhhhh there's two new Transmissions songs on the playlists, plus whatever else the spotify links needed to update to my ever-changing apple versions.

This is just the main playlist, because this one is now 3h 40m, and the other three playlists are about an hour each. I’ll give them their own post tomorrow. Under the cut, because it's also Write Random Snippits and Include Important Lyrics time

Dark Matter

Surprise surprise, this one’s got probably the most work done on it. A lot of that is moving things around, a few deletions, and the additions.

DM now starts with Your World Will Fail, Dark Matter, and Eater of Worlds. Turn the Lights Out still kinda applies, but I stopped vibing with it starting everything, and wasn’t really sure where else it should go so it got dropped. It’s role is sort of picked up by a UtA song later? Anyway, the opening three are still very much about not only the birth of [REDACTED], but the birth of the universe itself. And that’s why it feels better to start out with YWWF. Because it is the start.

(Your world will fail my love/It’s far beyond repair/Your world will fail my love/It is already there)

(Bring me your soul/Bring me your hate/In my name you will create/Bring me your fear/Bring me your pain/You will destroy in my name)

(Can’t imagine the violence/The rage and the love in my madness/I am the eater of worlds and I’m looking for someone to feed me)

Remnants of Stars is a hook to Filaments at this point, but stays way up here because the thing it’s about connects back up to those three ^ and is something slowly realized by the Paladins throughout the series. There’s kinda three different points that they realize something new about this (at the moment, I Am the One, Cosmic Vertigo, and Centigrade).

(Shed all you know and make way for a galaxy of light/Answers found hidden inside the smallest stone/Bringing forth a new way of life/Open your heart to the sky)

Apocalypse 1992 hasn’t changed. Still about The Fall, still the turning point for the entire damn war. Still about poor Krolia. Still the Rogue One of DM. It happens between parts of Awakenings, detailing the rise of [REDACTED] and the final hours before the destruction of everything sentient species knew beforehand.

(Fly high through apocalypse skies/Fight for the world we must save/Like tears of a unicorn lost in the rain/Chaos will triumph this day)

Apex is the final moments of Apocalypse 1992 from the Red Lion’s perspective, and connects nicely (just as in the albums lol) to the next UtA songs. Which we’ll get to in a bit.

(Brother mountain/Now we sleep/For a thousand years/I will see you again/Something is coming/Coming for me)

You Keep What You Kill covers the slow degeneration of the Empire between The Fall and the Battle of Arus. The knowledge harshly taught by the Thuanial War is forgotten under the influence of Zarkon, Haggar, and [REDACTED]. Marzin and Galraasa quickly rise the ranks as the Empire’s left and right hands, like omens of destruction before them. The four are the ‘holy half-dead,’ the ones who shape the devouring of the universe before them.

(Defying dimensions/These ruthless creatures will steal your soul/Breaking away from the chains of mortality/They won’t be taken down/Bow now to the holy half dead/The master to death mongers calls)

The Glory and the Scum is partially here bc I missed having Delain, I’ll freely admit that. (Delain split up! Like six months ago! I’m still sad!) Here, it’s (most) of the reason why Krolia isn’t around until MGHM. Think Winter Soldier-ish. It’s also from Krolia’s perspective as she’s talking to Kolivan in a conversation I implied in Shatterpoint. Perhaps it shall see the light of day.

(Look at what we've done/Take a step back/Shake your head at what we have become/We're the glory and the scum)

The Seven Sisters is about Keith, mostly, and connected to Closure via its influence on Child From the Stars (Lost in the Dark) and also to Memories of a Girl I Haven’t Met. Also the thing about the Pleiades has kinda become A Thing associated with my two favorite halfbloods.

(I cast my hope upon The Pleiades/The Seven Sisters who would come for me/They’d fall to Earth to grant a child’s dream/But I’m still waiting)

Starlight is the Adashi song. Here, it’s the sad part, based around the time that the SFSS Genesis launches for Kerberos. It also is sort of about Shiro’s thoughts throughout the war as he watches ‘from distant skies’ (and influences String Theory kinda)

(At night the earth will rise/And I’ll think of you each time I watch from distant skies/Whenever stars go down and galaxies ignite/I’ll think of you each time they wash me in their light/And I’ll fall in love with you again)

Waking Dream and Abyss are Awakenings. They’re specifically the Red Lion waking up on Sendak’s ship to her new Paladin, but also sort of the rest of the Lions as they find new Paladins for the first time since The Fall (and, also, an accidental hook to the end of Filaments just by virtue of being on the same UtA album…)

(Centuries like flowing streams as years go rushing by/Waiting in the dark for afterlife)

(Open my eyes in a daze/How long has it been? Am I so out of place?/Warmth I can no longer feel/My mountain is gone, I’m surrounded by steel/The strangest of structures arises ahead/Seems to be held up by nothing/Where have I gone, do I dream?/How can the stars be all I can see?)

Who Will Save You Now is about the Paladins in First Contact. It’s the video messages they send to their families, the warning that Something Is Out Here that they need to prepare for. It’s a declaration of protection for Earth, but a recognition that the Paladins may not be able to do what they say.

(I will not take from you and you will not owe/I will protect you from the fire below/It’s not in my mind/It’s here at my side/Go tell the world that I’m still alive)

Then there’s The End of the Beginning. Which is, well, the eponymous fic. And don’t forget the String Theory connection! Fun fact: part of the last chapter leads directly into part of String Theory at the moment.

(Every night I die just a little/All this time, I’m caught in the middle/All your life, you fought with no winning/This is just the end of the beginning)

A Simple Plan is about anything but a simple plan. Lotor is making his secret bid for the construction of the Sinkline ships, but there’s one more thing he needs before it can come to fruition. Haggar has suspicions, and knows one thing that she needs to keep from both him and Voltron. Team Voltron is still struggling to fit into their new roles, especially with a Black Paladin who adamantly does not want to be Black Paladin, and is in desperate need of one thing to fix the last of the damage done during the Battle of the Sarnan Nebula.

(How long can we hold off ending?/How long can we pretend we’re ok?/No one goes on fighting it forever/I know I’m better this way)

Memories of a Girl I Haven’t Met. Such a short song for such an important fic. It skips all the way over Naxzela to the Mission to the Baaria Shipyards, the first major offensive that isn’t somehow connected to canon (even if only a very very small part of it is actually at the shipyards lol). This is also the song that solidified Keith’s very queer identity in Dark Matter. And more Pleiades stuff!

(In this lonely place, bathed in silence and thoughts of you/I can’t see your face but I’m trying to envision you/So are you really out there? Are you awake with memories/Of a boy you haven’t met yet who’s wished upon the Pleiades?)

There’s another fic in here that I’m still waiting for a song to catch my ear, but it’s pretty big so I’m putting it in here. For the moment, it’s called MGHM 2.0: Electric Paladinloo. Featuring the Whispers, Voltron, and a few mullets.

And then. Hoh boy. The beast of beats. TRIALS (reimagine), Dark On Me, String Theory, and I Am the One. We’ve got [REDACTED], we’ve got [spoiler], we’ve got the first major turning point in the entire war, and the first revelation of the true nature of [REDACTED]. Hence the honor of being the separation point of my two main DM folders. TRIALS is the first part, the horrifying realization. Dark On Me and String Theory itself are from Shiro’s perspective. I Am the One is… an image song? I guess? That’s all I’ll say on that. (I would like to note that the STARSET songs bar OWtT tend to be about the Shiroganes…)

(Hear me from the bottom/Forged in regret, I'm the silversmith/Doomsday, you we had it coming/Marching the streets with an iron fist/Obey no more in silence/The steel in our hearts will be monuments/Today, they'll hear the violence/We'll rise from the dark like Lazarus)

(You're the cause/The antidote/The sinking ship that I could not let go/You led my way, then disappeared/How could you just walk away and leave me here?/Light the night up, you're my dark star/And now you're falling away)

(You don’t believe in space/You don’t believe in light/You don’t believe that anything is well beyond your might/We walk across the sky and beneath the ocean floor/We’re never going anywhere we’ve never been before)

(I am the one/I am the architect to rule your fate)

House on Fire is the aftermath of String Theory, and a large vibe of We ARE Struggling Together! It’s about family, never letting go of something you care about, and the slow act of trusting.

(So I’ll just hold you like a hand grenade/You touch me like a razor blade/I wish there was some other way right now/Like a house on fire we’re up in flames/I’d burn here if that’s what it takes/To let you know I won’t let go of you)

Belgrade is The klance song! It is a) a bop b) always stuck in my head because it is That Good. The line in the chorus about ‘sweet songs of seduction’ is eternally funny to me bc a)they’re both ace and b)QPR’s don’t usually involve seduction. Belgrade also leads almost directly into…

(We pretend in the darkness/We pretend the night won’t steal our youth/Singing me the sweet songs of seduction/Let me be the fool, fool, fool/Who will live and die for you)

Here to Save You is about Sam. Mostly. It’s also about Pidge. And Zaivorge cannons.

(A slave for humankind/I made sure I would survive/To stay alive/Now it’s time to move on/When there’s nothing left to prove/I’m coming to get you)

Iron is the third Closure fic (the second is End of the Beginning, forgot to mention that. They’ve slowly moved away from actually being related to it in anything but name and general idea). It’s about Keith coming to terms with parts of himself, and learning how to use them to great effect. Also has a huge info dump about the Blade.

(You can’t live without the fire/It’s the heat that makes you strong/‘Cause you’re born to live/And fight it all the way/You can’t hide what lies inside you/It’s the only thing you know/You’re embracing that, never walk away)

The second major turning point in the war is Monarch, Birthright, and Firewall. I really recommend reading the whole lyrics for Monarch, because the entire thing is very much a Lotor song. I had a bit of trouble picking a lyric to use here. Monarch is here because Lotor is also the ‘singer’ of Birthright, and both songs are to a very specific high-level target of the Coalition. Firewall is a little different as it’s a Team Voltron song not a Lotor song, but happens because of the same thing the other two do. They’re all not exactly a direct result of Iron, but they wouldn’t happen how they do without it, and then [REDACTED] swings back into the fray and things learned in String Theory/the framing story for Through Apocalypse Skies hit in full force.

(I am not the person you remember from before/The one you patronized and stepped on, the one you hurt/And I have pulled the arrows, now my skin has become stone/No longer am I prisoner to your empty fucking words)

(The voices in my head have all begun to sing/(The voices in your head have all begun to sing)/And they sure as hell hope I am listening/(I sure as hell hope you are listening!))

(They come to your dreams with illusion/They come to bring shape to your mind/You know how to stop the intrusion/We all have to fight for our lives)

and then, The Day the Earth Collapsed

(How much time has been elapsed/Since the day the earth collapsed?)

Here Comes the Reign doesn’t come into full effect until several months after Birthright/Firewall, but starts with The Day the Earth Collapsed. It’s largely about Haggar and [REDACTED]

(You made something they can’t take away/Now bring the fire of the burning sun on everyone)

Supersonic is here… kinda as a placeholder? Things have shifted around since its original purpose, and frankly it’s here still as a framework for what I like to call The Meme Battle. It’s generally about the increase in Coalition support and general winning as they go after warlords in the aftermath of Feyiv, culminating in I Need a Hero which is, of course, The Meme Battle.

Yes, it’s the Shrek version. It’s the Meme Battle.

(Supersonic, polyphonic, this is our war/Mustering the armies, marching faster than before)

(I need a hero/I'm holding out for a hero 'til the end of the night/He's gotta be strong, and he's gotta be fast/And he's gotta be fresh from the fight)

But Tonight We Dance isn’t exactly a klance song, but it’s here for them. On a diplomatic mission gone wrong, the Red and Blue Paladins of Voltron uncover a literally-buried government conspiracy, a rebel cell, and nearly die. A normal days work for the two of them. But they’ve really gotta stop having relationship milestones in the middle of a warzone.

Another reason it’s here is Tonight We Dance is a very aro song to me. “A language universal, but I speak not its tongue” hits hard. I felt like I needed a bit in here to remind listeners/readers that romance isn’t a language Keith speaks. And it becomes very explicit in this fic, just like Belgrade.

(Tomorrow we might wake in servitude and silence/I will give you everything if only you would have me/Tomorrow we will sweat and toil/Our hands will quiver, caked with soil/Tomorrow we'll give it one last chance/But tonight we dance/But tonight we dance!)

But Tonight We Dance is the last of the Closure fics, which is why it’s here. Closure in general is a lot of Keith’s character development and some of the struggles he goes through to accept his place in the universe and the fact that yes, he does have people that care about him. The last fic is me shining a brighter light on Closure’s chorus and taking a ‘last goodbye’ as never needing to say it again

(I am the child from the stars/That got lost in the dark/Between heaven and hell/I am forced to live on/I am the cause when you sin/I am the demon you skin/But there is no more tears to beautify/This is my last goodbye)

Then we step back into the universe-level action with Soulbound. Revelations from String Theory and Firewall swing back in with a vengeance on a joint Whispers-Voltron mission, leaving them reeling and Krolia questioning her very identity.

(Soulbound, endlessly forever/Locked between the darkness and the light/Don’t drown in the swarming, blackened rising/Hold on to humanity and fight)

About three months after that is My Darkest Hour and Faster Than Light. Haggar realizes something and goes searching for her fifth [spoiler], sending the Blade and the rest of the Coalition scrambling. These also lead directly, and I mean directly, into…

(When the sun comes crashing down/When the world is spinning round and round/I will face what must be my darkest hour)

(Once more we’re flying fast as light/Dark matter passing in the night/Pursued by a force we can’t outrun/As we hurtle towards a dying sun/We maneuver through the remnants of a moon/On the solar winds of supernovas/There is not a place to hide, the Matriarch is close behind/It’s plain to see she’s coming for us all)

Cosmic Vertigo and Other Worlds Than These. Together they are the second of two revelations in what, exactly, is [REDACTED]

(Banish me like burned down planets/Write my fate with sparkling lies/I am the universe; you're just one sky)

(Pull the wool out from your eyes/It won’t shade your frail belief/In the end we cannot hide/There are other worlds than these)

Godhunter is Team Voltron, well, hunting for gods, even as one of them disappears.

(She’s been watching for a century/With hatred, and with scorn/If you know the hunter’s coming/Then you hide or keep on running/'Cause she’s slain the gods before)

Trophy Hunter, Ember, and Redemption are the culmination of Godhunter. I’ve been thinking of them as akin to the suicide mission in Mass Effect 2, if that gives you an idea of what the hell they run into. Also I switched which specific Redemption is on the playlist, because I was listening to Red Handed Denial again and their Redemption was vibing way more than the Hammerfall one. They link up to Godhunter and Soulbound in subject matter, and lead directly into…

(You, you won’t escape me, I’ll rise from the deep/In this final moment, no words left to say/I can’t let you be when a life fades away/You, you won’t escape me ‘cause I’ll set you free)

(Dark matter falling from the sky/Dancing flames reflecting in your eyes as you watch them burn/Watching all your riches witches burn)

(Remember me not for the mess I’ve made/But who I could have been/Finally I’m going home)

World On Fire, This is a Call, The Reckoning, The Wind That Shapes the Land, and Louder Than Words. Switched the order up a bit so it makes more sense chronologically, because the message ‘sent by forces beyond salvation’ has to get there before the reckoning can begin.

(World on fire with a smoking sun/Stops everything and everyone/Brace yourself for all will pay/Help is on the way)

(This is a call to action/This is a call to arms/All lives for one, together/There are no false alarms)

(I see your face, find peace of mind/Between the madness and the sadness and the fire burning/The end of war, the great divine/We’ll see the day of reckoning)

(Search within/Uncover the will to win/Turn against the tide that washes o'er/Find the strength to fall and rise again/Open up the gates, unleash the force/I am the wind that shapes the land/Old as time and twice as strong/Oceans arise at my command/I alone can carry on)

(We have the force to fight/We have the blinding light/A war is more than heard/Coming in louder than words)

[vindicatedvirgil]

only fools rush in / part two: a botanical garden and deep conversations

hi there! this is part two of my college au, if you haven’t read part one you can click here to do so!

spotify playlist here

this chapter is centered around Remus and Patton, the other characters are very minimal here. so, don’t get mad about the lack of Virgil or Roman or anything (i miss them too, it’s okay).

read until the very end for a teaser and the title of part three!

TW: mentions of bad things happening to Roman during high school (no specifics... yet)

next update will be on Sunday, July 26.

---

“I don’t think that I can do this,” Remus was pacing in the living room, Virgil and Janus were sitting on the couch; they shared a look, and both of them rolled their eyes. “I mean, he’s so soft, and so cute, and he’s Roman’s roommate!” He ran a hand through his hair, messing it up even further. “What if I mess this up and Roman gets hurt or Patton gets hurt, fuck fuck fuck!”

“Remus,” Janus started, his voice flat. “I don’t think that you’re going to fuck this up. Patton’s not like the other guys you’ve dated, he’s special, and I think you know that.” Remus groaned, glancing out the window. It was so late on Friday night that it had bled into Saturday, and he had been panicking for the majority of the night, which frustrated the other two who were trying to watch a movie. Eventually the TV had been shut off and their attention focused on their friend, who grew more disheveled as the night wore on.

“He’s right,” Virgil said quietly. “In the time we’ve known you, which is what, like, three years or something? Every person you’ve dated has been a total asshole. Kind of like you, but… worse,” Remus whined, and Virgil just shook his head. “That was a compliment, idiot.”

“I think what our emo friend is trying to say is that Patton isn’t like those other guys you’ve dated,” Janus continued, giving a dirty look to Virgil. “I’ve never seen you so panicked over a first date, so I think that means that this is… real for you. You’re going to take this one seriously.” Remus sighed then moved to lay on his back on the floor, eyes fluttering shut.

"Do I dress nice for my date? Or do I look the same as usual?”

-

“I don’t think I can do this,” Patton was laying down, his head hanging off of the foot of his bed. Roman was sitting cross-legged on the floor and Logan was sitting on the desk chair, a yawn escaping as he rubbed his eyes. “What if I’m not what he wants me to be?” He hugged his stuffed animal frog closer to his chest. “What if it turns out that he doesn’t actually like me?”

“Ugh, I told you, Patton, he’s never acted this way around anybody, at least not that I’ve seen,” Roman said, annoyance coming through in his tone of voice. He didn’t know why he was trying so hard to make sure that Patton went on the date with Remus, but he did want to see his friend happy; and, as much as he hated it, he’d like to see his brother be happy, too. “He always dates these jerks who sell drugs or wear all leather and ride motorcycles. They treat him like trash and then throw him out onto the streets when they’re done.”

“Well, that doesn’t help!” Patton whined, curling up into a ball. “What if he wants me to be something that I’m not? Do you think he only wants to go out with me because I’m so different from the others he’s dated? How many people has he actually dated?” Patton’s tone was growing more high-pitched with every question. Logan adjusted his glasses, sighing.

“Patton, these are all illogical questions,” he said, crossing his arms. “I’ve spent a little bit of time with Remus since he tends to be around when I’m with Janus, and I do not think that he would ask you to be his metaphorical crutch to figure out if he wants a softer partner. Additionally, why does it matter how many people he has dated?” Logan’s question was pointed, “What should matter is how you portray yourself to him on your date tomorrow so he sees the kind of person that you are. You want him to see the real you, right? Then that’s what you need to do.”

“But what if he doesn’t like the real me?” Patton asked. Of course Logan knew Patton’s intricacies, they’d been friends for so long, but the small man was always unsure if his overly logical friend meant it when he said they were best friends or if he was Patton’s friend out of convenience or just… circumstance.

“Why wouldn’t anyone like the real you, Pat? You’re awesome! And if he doesn’t see that I can knock some sense into him, lord knows I had to do that enough as a kid,” Roman scoffed, stretching his arms out. “I think that the more important question is… what are you going to wear tomorrow?”

-

Patton was bouncing up and down on the balls of his feet. Standing near the entrance to the botanical gardens, he tried to stand on the tips of his toes to see if Remus was walking towards him, but he hadn’t yet caught sight of the biomed major. Patton had, of course, arrived half an hour earlier than they had agreed upon, but he thought that maybe Remus would show up early, too.

He hadn’t, but Patton didn’t mind. He kept fidgeting with the sleeves on his jean jacket and hoped it wouldn’t get too warm; he was wearing a floral shorts romper underneath but hated carrying around his jacket when it got hot out. As he continued to wait, he dug through his messenger bag, hoping Remus wouldn’t judge him for his polaroid camera. Patton loved taking photos with it; he hung all of them with clothespins on his fairy lights in his bedroom, so he was always surrounded by the people and things that he loved.

As he was leaning down to pull his knee-high socks back up since they were drooping, he heard some familiar footsteps. He looked up and saw Remus, dressed in his usual attire, smiling down at him. “Hey there, little flower,” Remus cooed, and Patton turned red immediately, returning the smile. 

“Hi, Remus!” His voice came out a little more high-pitched than usual, but he was just so darn excited to see Remus. He wasn’t sure if he should hug the taller man, and hesitated for a moment. Remus gave him an intrigued look, and then Patton flung himself into his arms gently. Remus wrapped his arms around him softly, humming happily. “You’re softer than I expected.”

“Oh? Well, I can get hard if you’d like,” Remus teased, making Patton blush harder. The small man backed up, looking at Remus’ face and realizing it was a joke, so he smiled sheepishly. “So, have you ever been to this botanical garden before?”

“No, I didn’t even know it existed!” Patton responded, the two turning towards the entrance. It was a free walk-through, so they walked in, and noticed how few people were in attendance. Patton was surprised at how few people were there on a Saturday afternoon. He had so many questions for the other man, he wanted to talk about so many things, but never knew how to start conversations like that.

“How did you meet Roman?” Remus broke the silence as the two rounded a corner into an area filled with rose bushes. He leaned down to smell one of them and Patton did the same, smiling as he stood back up.

“We were in a general education class together last year. I think it was our public speaking class. And we were put together in a group,” Patton explained, walking close to Remus. “I was kind of pushy and we became friends since we have a lot in common. And then I introduced him to Logan, who I’ve known since elementary school!” Remus nodded, looking down.

“You have a lot in common with him, but…” his voice trailed off and he leaned against one of the fences, looking into the koi pond below. “Roman and I are very different. So… you and I might not have a lot in common, little flower.” Patton frowned, standing next to him.

“Roman’s not exactly my type, Remus. Yes, he’s become one of my best friends, but…” Patton paused, thinking of the right way to phrase what he wanted to say. “He’s loud, and animated, and theatrical and… it’s not what I would want in someone that I date.”

“And what is it that you want in someone you date, Patton?” Remus tilted his head, looking at Patton very carefully. The small man’s face contorted in deep thought, and he bit his lips, looking down.

“I… well, someone who is going to expose me to new adventures. I might look soft, Remus, but… I love doing things that make my heart beat fast,” he paused again so Remus could absorb this information. “I want someone who understands how special I can be… but also someone who I can pamper and love with all of my heart.” Remus didn’t say anything, and the two continued their walk through the gardens. Patton stopped him in front of a blooming tree and told him to pose, taking out his polaroid camera.

“Patton, I–”

“Please?” Patton asked, eyes sparkling towards the other man. Remus sighed, then leaned against the tree, giving a small smile to Patton as he crossed his arms. Patton took the photo, then held it between two fingers as it developed. “I have a whole wall of photos in my bedroom. Lots from high school with Lo, but some more recent with Roman, too. And… I wanted to add you, too.” Remus looked down at his feet, smiling softly. The two kept walking after Patton put his camera back in his bag, and Remus brushed his fingers against those of the other. They let their fingers intertwine, and Patton hoped that his hand wasn’t too sweaty. “Can I ask you something?” Patton asked hesitantly. Remus nodded, and the two sat down on a bench, their fingers still intertwined. “Why did you ask me out on a date?”

“Oh. Um…” Remus chuckled awkwardly, running his spare hand through his hair, tousling it up a little bit. “I see something really… unique in you. You’re this puff of pastel, but you’ve got these amazing tattoos,” he expressed this by running his fingers along the exposed tattoos on Patton’s arm. “And… you’re so kind. Everything I’ve heard about you from Ro and Jan… I’d always wanted to meet you. But Ro… he’s protective.”

“Of you?” Patton asked, and Remus laughed, more heartily this time, and shook his head.

“No. He’s protective of his friends,” Remus answered, and a flash of sadness crossed his eyes. “He was always the golden child. Our parents, our teachers, they always… preferred him. He could do no wrong.” Patton frowned, but said nothing as Remus continued to recall these moments. “I was a bit of a reckless one. I couldn’t sit still, I just wanted to crack jokes, and I played these hilarious pranks on Roman and our other classmates.

“When we got to high school, I… went off the deep end. I was hanging around the wrong kind of crowd, you know? And… they hurt Ro. Badly.” Remus looked down at his feet, shame crossing his face. Patton took his hands gently, waiting for the story to finish. “We kind of… broke after that. He never looked at me the same. He hated me, and I did too. So… yeah. He always wants to protect his friends; that’s why you and I hadn’t met until a few weeks ago. I had to prove to him that I was hanging out with better people, that I had become a better person.”

“I’m sorry,” Patton’s voice came out weak, and he was struggling to keep the tears from leaving his eyes. Sometimes he hated how sensitive he could get. “I’m glad that you’re… better… now.”

“Me, too,” Remus still hadn’t looked up. The two sat in silence for a few minutes, the sounds of birds chirping and the babbling brooks keeping it from being completely quiet around them. “Tell me about why you got your tattoos,” he said finally, fingers still tracing the outlines of sunflowers and daisies.

“My mom is a florist,” Patton responded. He was looking off into the distance at the flowers in front of them. “So, I grew up in our backyard full of flowers, and I spent my summers in high school helping run the shop. When I thought about getting my first tattoo, I knew it had to be flowers.” He pointed to the large sunflower on his wrist. “Once I started with this one, I couldn’t stop. The flowers are bright, and remind me of sunshine and taking care of others.”

“And… that’s why you’re a child development major, isn’t it?” Remus asked. His eyes were focused on the intricate vines connecting all of the tattoos.

“Yeah… my mom took care of me and her garden, and… I want to take care of others, too,” Patton was smiling, and Remus resisted the urge to kiss him right there. But he didn’t want things to move too quickly, and he wanted to make sure that he had Patton’s consent before doing anything like that, so he didn’t say anything, and just kept his eyes on the small man. “Why did you choose biomed and medieval history?” The question brought Remus out of his own mind, and he blinked a few times before registering it.

“Oh. Well… I always liked the dissection labs in my science classes. One of my teachers noticed and… told me about biomed. I’d love to research new treatments, figure out what works and what doesn’t work, work in a lab…” he trailed off, and Patton just watched him with awe. “The medieval history was actually inspired by Roman. He doesn’t know that, though. But… he did this play in high school that was set during the medieval ages, and it just… piqued my interest. So I kept researching, and I want to learn more. Maybe I can do research into the intersections of biomed and medieval history someday.”

“I love how passionate you are about the things you’re studying,” Patton mused, his fingers holding tighter to Remus’. “Like… Roman and Logan are passionate about their areas of study, too, but… in a way that’s almost exhausting. The way you talk about your path is…” Patton’s voice faded out, the words failing him. He wished that he could express his words more clearly, or in a way that sort of made sense, but he wasn’t the best with conversations, he never had been. 

“Should we continue our walk around here?” Remus said, breaking the silence again. He didn’t like the silence that kept coming back, but they had covered some really heavy topics, probably things that were too intense for a first date. He didn’t hate that they were talking about those things; he loved hearing what Patton had to say and how things were going, but… he wanted to do something to make his date laugh.

The two stood up from their spot on the bench and walked under an archway towards where there was a display of succulent plants. Remus wanted to hug and hold Patton so badly, but he resigned himself to just holding his hand, watching as Patton named each and every plant they passed as they kept going throughout the gardens.

They had eventually gone around in a full circle, most of their conversation lingering on the types of plants they saw around them, and had arrived back at the koi pond. Patton was leaning over the fence again, watching the colorful fish weave in and out of the way of each other. Remus stood next to him, watching, and when Patton looked up at him with that glimmer of adoration and just… hope. 

“Patton, I…” he looked down at his feet, his face heating up. “I would really, um… like to kiss you. I-If that’s okay. I just, I don’t want to mess things up and–” Remus was interrupted by two hands holding onto his face, and before he knew it, he was leaning down, and kissing the softest lips he had ever touched.

-

“Goodbye, Remus,” Patton said softly, leaning up to kiss Remus’ cheek. “I had a really nice time today.” He smiled, hand on the doorknob to the apartment, and Remus gave him one last, lingering kiss.

“I’ll talk to you tomorrow, little flower,” the taller man said, and then Patton entered the apartment, closing the door behind him. His cheeks hurt from smiling so hard for the last few hours, the feeling of Remus’ hand in his and his lips on his own ingrained in his mind. They went to a cafe after the botanical gardens and indulged in iced tea and sandwiches and pastries, laughing and smiling and always touching in some way, even if it was just their feet brushing against each other under the table.

Remus wasn’t anything like what Patton had expected. He was still surprised at the choice of date locations, but Remus’ softness and openness towards Patton was a welcome revelation. But Patton had meant it when he said that he had a good time; it was the best first date he had ever been on. And he wished desperately for more.

“Hey, how did it go?” Roman was lounging on the couch, a script in hand, and Logan was sitting at the kitchen counter, working on his laptop. Patton tried to hold back his blush, but he smiled at the other two. “My brother was good to you, right?” Roman’s face was etched with concern.

“It was… absolutely amazing, Ro,” Patton felt his emotions gushing out of him as he set his bag down next to the entrance table. He went over to sit on the couch at Roman’s feet, and the other two followed him with their eyes, waiting for more information. “Remus is so sweet to me. I… I really do like him.” Roman said nothing, instead he just flipped the page in his script, and Logan sighed from the table.

“Roman believes you need to know a few things about Remus’ past before you go further in your relationship. I, however, believe that it should be up to Remus to tell you,” he explained, adjusting his glasses. Patton’s smile instantly turned upside down, but he nodded.

“Remus did tell me. About his past. About what happened. And…” Patton sighed, twisting his fingers together. “I’m sorry that all of that happened, Ro, but… it doesn’t matter to me. Who he is now is who I want to be with.”

“So… you’re going to go out with him again?” Roman asked hesitantly, peeking over his script. Patton nodded, and couldn’t help the small smile that he felt resurface on his face. “Well, I… I’m glad you’re happy, Patton.”

-

Remus opened the door to the apartment quietly. Virgil was nowhere to be seen, but Janus was in the kitchen, standing over the stove, presumably making dinner. Remus tried to be quiet, tried to just head straight (gAy) for his room, but Janus cleared his throat. When Remus turned to look at him, he was raising an eyebrow, arms crossed, leaning against the archway that led into the kitchen.

“How did it go?” He asked, and Remus looked down, smiling brightly. How could he put into words how amazing the day was? How many butterflies he felt when he was next to Patton, how no one had ever made him feel that way before. Remus looked back up at Janus, realizing that he hadn’t said anything, and shrugged.

“It was…” he still couldn’t find the words, but a string of what he figured to be incoherent sentences began to spill out. “Oh, Jan, you have no idea. He’s so… and I just… it was… I really like him.” Janus nodded, a small smile settling on his face.

“I’ve never seen you act this way, Remus,” he mused. “I’m… glad to see you this way.” Remus smiled at him, then retreated to his room. He glanced at the mess that was always prevalent, setting his backpack down next to the desk.

From his back jeans pocket he took out one of the many polaroid pictures that Patton had taken that day, one of them trying to take a selfie with the camera, Remus’ lips pressed to Patton’s cheek, a goofy smile pasted on the smaller man’s face. He found himself staring at it for a while, then he took his phone out of the pocket and sent a quick text to Patton: want to come over tomorrow?

---

teaser for part three: a dance, some shoes, and an audition

“Sorry. I got, um, a little carried away,” he explained, rolling and twisting the script in his hands.

~

“Yeah, of course,” he said, returning the smile. “Wouldn’t want you falling head over heels now would we?”

---

part three | part four | part five | part six | part seven | part eight | part nine | part ten

---

taglist (send an ask, reblog, or reply if you want to be added)

@winterrose42

@are-you-even–real

@shaded14space

@lallyphant

@deceits-left-glove

@aricana8

@pixelated-pineapple 

[masterlist]