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devildom-tyrant · 5 years ago

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Maybe some valentine HC of the brothers getting a present from MC? What would they really want from them?

Lucifer

He’s someone that doesn’t have much of a gift preference, as long as there’s thought behind it. He wants it to be selected specifically for him. He doesn’t want a generic gift.

So, you get Lucifer a decanter for his Demonus shaped like a skull – and a box of poisoned chocolates that are also in the same shape. You’d heard him mention the need for a new decanter in passing, and it had been a little detail you’d kept in mind.

“I figured it would go with the rest of the skeletons in your rooms,” you joke, grinning over at him while he chuckles.

“At least I no longer have skeletons in my closet… or attic.” He stands, moving to the bottle of Demonus. “Shall we have a drink to commemorate the evening?”

He’s offering you some of his incredibly rare, vintage Demonus? “It might be wasted on me,” you hedge, tempted as you are. “I drank with Asmo, but it didn’t really affect me. Maybe I have a high tolerance?”

His gaze is mirthful. “Then perhaps you won’t mind trying a drinking contest with me?”

…..

……… He wins.

Mammon

He’d want something personalized; if it can’t just be bought in stores, it’s worth more! Plus he really wants to know you were thinking about him it’s cooler than a store-bought gift.

You give him a custom wallet, with “First Man” engraved in the leather.

“… Ya got me this? I…” His voice starts to hitch a little, so he clears his throat and slings an arm around you, pulling you against him for a hug. “Damn right, I’m first. Better not forget it!”

He wears his sunglasses during the movie you pick out, but that’s because he doesn’t want you to see him cry. Periodically, he’ll pull out the wallet, opening and closing it, and just looking at it, even though it has practically no Grimm in it.

You also get him chocolate, but Beel eats most of it while Mammon’s screaming at him about how he’s already got his own and these are his special chocolates!

Levi

He wants something otaku-related. Ruri-chan figures, the latest game, something TSL limited edition, a doujinshi from his fav artist… You’ve got a huge pool of interests to pick from.

In the end, you stood in line and bought chances to win a limited edition figure of Ruri holding a box of chocolates out with a flustered look on her face. It looks like she’s confessing her feelings to someone. You didn’t win it, but you were able to buy it from Mammon (who has crazy luck and didn’t even realize he was entering – again) for double its value. When you give it to Levi, he’s speechless… and then, his excitement ramps up, and his hands begin to shake. “I… I can’t… I can’t believe it!! You ACTUALLY got the limited edition figure?! I wanted to be there so bad, but it was the same day as the concert, and I felt like I was betraying Ruri-chan, but you– you had my back!”

Levi hugs you tight and spins you around. It’s rare that you get to see him look so happy. “You’re the best! For real! Like, you must be some sort of angel!”

You also get him bath bombs with figurines from Mononoke Land in them. When he looks confused, you grin and tell him, “For your bed.”

Yeah, it doesn’t get old teasing him about his bathtub bed.

Satan

He’s an easy one; you give him a present, and he can tell it’s a book. It’s exactly what he wanted, and he’s hoping it’s one from the human world. Maybe he’ll get a glimpse of one of your favorites? He’s interested to see what kind of book you specifically picked out for him, but when he opens it, he finds a book with lined pages… that are all handwritten.

You’ve made him a book, some of the pages poems, some of them little stories (with a devilishly handsome blond protagonist), some of them just positive affirmations you feel he needs to hear. He stares at it for so long that you begin to feel self-conscious, your face heating up.

“I, uh, got you a box of chocolates, too. Here –” You move to get the chocolate, but he grabs your wrist, and stares at you with that same intensity, as if trying to figure something out.

“Why would you go through this much trouble for a gift?”

You swallow, trying to play it off with a lop-sided smile and a half-shrug. “Because it’s you.”

He pulls you in for what you think is going to be a hug – but it’s actually a deep kiss.

Asmo

When it comes to Asmo, he wants anything that’s centered on keeping him beautiful -- usually. But Valentine’s is all about love! What he really wants is something Valentine’s-specific... but from you.

You get him a giant stuffed dog with a single spot on its eye, holding a heart in its mouth that says “You’ve got a spot in my heart”, and a coupon book for things like “1 free massage” and “1 free cuddle.”

He loves both of them immediately.

“Aww, this is so sweet! I mean, I get things like this all the time from admirers -- my room would be full of roses and chocolate if I kept all of them here! -- but when I get something like this from you...”

His boasting fades, and the tone in his voice becomes more serious. He’s staring into your eyes, but it isn’t like the times he’s tried to use his power on you. No, it’s like he’s trying to figure something out.

“... Well, it’s different. It makes my heart skip a beat, when the others... don’t.” He shakes his head, hugging the dog, and then moving to wrap his arms around you, pulling you in close. “You’re special to me, you know. And...” His tone turns mischievous, and he pulls back to grab the coupon book. “I’m using this coupon for a free massage right now! I have a new lotion I want to try out, and if you want your gift... I’ll give you a massage after that will leave your entire body weak.”

He winks, but who are you kidding? You’re already weak just thinking about it.

Beel

He definitely wants food, and you don’t disappoint. You enlist Luke’s help to learn how to bake a cake and some chocolates using ingredients from the Celestial Realm. You have to do it at Purgatory Hall so Beel won’t notice and eat it all before they’re done.

Beel is touched that you made them for him, though he’s skeptical at first. After all, your cooking at the retreat wasn’t... edible, even for him. The icing on your cake is lop-sided, but heart you drew in the middle isn’t bad.

“.... You made this?”

“I got some help, but yeah. Try it out.”

“I almost don’t want to ruin it, though.” His stomach growls. “Well, almost.” He cuts off a rather large piece, trying not to destroy the heart, and after one bite... his face lights up. “This...! This is really good! Thank you!” He pulls you against his chest in a hug, but doesn’t stop eating while his arms are around you.

He’s absolutely beaming.

Belphie

Valentine’s Day isn’t super important to Belphie; he hasn’t thought about it in centuries. However, the moment you hand him a gift bag with a smile, he realizes what kind of gift he wants:

Anything given to him by you.

You’ve gotten him a cow-print, electric heated blanket and a heart-shaped pillow to go with the V-day theme. His brows raise, and he grins, laughing. “This is too perfect. It goes with my usual pillow.” He immediately plugs the blanket up and turns it on. “I got you something, too.”

Suddenly, he lies back on his bed and lifts up the corner of his new blanket. “A nice nap with a warm blanket, just us, no interruptions.” His smile suddenly shifts to a smirk. “After all... you got me a blanket that’s big enough for two. I bet we could even fit Beel in here and make a cuddle sandwich.”

Yeah, you’re game for that.

#obey me #obey me game #obey me imagines #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me leviathan #obey me satan #obey me asmodeus #Obey me beelzebub #obey me belphegor #valentine's day #queued post

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courtteeno · 3 years ago

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Course Post #1: Looking to the Future through Rhinos

From Home Collection to Wildlife Conservation

After reading “On Estate Sales, Archives, and the Matter of Making Things,” by Jody Shipka, an article detailing the exploration of lives of people largely unknown, I happened to come across a tiktok that reminded me of it.

Estate sales have become fairly popular among gen z and social media. I often come across people bragging about the cool things they’ve found at estate sales: broaches, clothes, toasters, you name it. However, none of these ever discuss the life behind those items, or how to carry on the legacy of the owner through those items.

Scrolling through my tiktok this week, however, I found an estate sale video that stopped me in my tracks. A young lady decided to stop by an estate sale that a son was having for his father that passed, and the main exhibit was a collection of rhinos. There were stuffed animals, figurines, and decorations all depicting rhinos.

(Screenshot from the tiktok, can be viewed through this link.)

The girl, Savanah Hatcher, that posted the video originally had bought a few of the rhino items, hoping that she could carry on the legacy of their owner. But, after the video went viral, she realized that more people wanted to carry on the legacy of this man none of them knew.

Savanah went back to the estate sale and bought every single rhino item. She learned more about the man’s family as well. The rhino collector, Bob, was inspired by a novel titled “Rhinoceros Success: The Secret to Charging Full Speed Toward Every Opportunity ,” that motivates people to embody the personality of a rhino and to take charge of life. Since reading, Bob collected anything rhino related for more than 20 years.

Savanah also learned about Bob’s wife. Bob was the primary caretaker of his wife, Debra, who now has to live in a nursing home to be taken care of.

Now, Savanah found a way to carry on Bob’s legacy. She is listing each rhino she bought on eBay, and sending the money earned from that to a wildlife rhino conservation. On top of this, she will be sending some money from the rhinos sold, along with money from a Go Fund Me she’s creating, to Debra.

Unknowingly, Bob collected Rhinos throughout his life that are now going to be moved into new homes all around the country, and providing money to the conservation of Rhinos. On top of this, even in death he will still be a caretaker of his wife, as money will be going to her through the rhinos being sold.

This tiktok, that started as a video commemorating Bob’s collection, is now changing the future through what was done in the past. This story reminds me a lot of Shipka’s article, and Inhabiting Dorothy Project. Shipka wanted to show how you can carry on the legacy of people that aren’t famous, and Savanah on tiktok showed me yet another way we can carry on the legacies of unknown people, and change the future.

“A rhinoceros charges with singleness of purpose. All energy is directed toward the attainment of one burning desire. The reason you are so dangerous is that once you set yourself charging at something, nothing can distract you.”

- Scott Alexander, “Rhinoceros Success: The Secret to Charging Full Speed Toward Every Opportunity”

(Image from: https://www.worldwildlife.org/species/rhino)

If you’re interested in Bob’s collection, I plan to link the eBay collection and Go Fund Me once they are put up.

#rhinoceros #future

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headcrossed · 6 years ago

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A/N: no one asked for this, but I can’t stop thinking about it so here goes. Also still taking requests for these guys, if anyone’s interested!

THE RFA PLAYS DUNGEONS AND DRAGONS FOR THE FIRST TIME

SEVEN

We all know he’s the one that suggested it. Call it a team building exercise, if you will. Besides, since they’re going to be having more parties now in the future, they gotta make sure they stay strong as an organization. What better way than this?

Since no one else is experienced with this game, Seven also takes it upon himself to DM.

Even though oddly enough, he’s never really played it either... at least, not officially.

He found a rulebook when he was younger at the library, and it inspired him, but he knew he couldn’t take it home where his mom might find it.

So instead he memorized it, and when Saeran was sick he would make up a story and roleplay with him. No stats, character sheets, or anything. Just two lonely kids getting enraptured in pure imagination for a little while. It’s one of the fondest memories he has from his childhood.

I’mma be honest: Seven’s DM-ing style is basically the same as Griffin McElroy’s in TAZ.

He keeps things pretty well-balanced. Plenty of humor and shenanigans, but the more serious and emotional moments are really moving, and everyone’s surprised by this.

Zen and Yoosung and even Jaehee and V probably shed some tears over the way the story unfolds.

He also does really good voice acting for his characters. Nowhere near on Zen’s level, like you could still kinda tell it’s him doing the voices if you couldn’t see his face, but he gets into character really easy (even Zen thinks he should audition to voice act for a game or something... ;) )

Yoosung

Aside from the obvious previous experience he might have, he probably played some one-shot campaigns with some D&D clubs on campus before.

The first character he makes is probably a literal recreation of his LOLOL character, since it’s familiar to him, and is a good place to start with since he’s not very experienced. Besides, he’s built like a tank in LOLOL, and if he knows anything about these kinds of games, it’s that balance is key, and they need at least someone who can soak up all the damage of whatever Seven throws at them (is he afraid that he’ll make them face bosses way to big for any of them to handle and they’ll all die in the process? GOD YES)

And it turns out that concern was legit. He dies like 5 minutes in.

Scrapping that strategy, he probably will end up making a half-orc , and he ends up really enjoying this character a lot more.

Plays him... surprisingly chivalrous, probably ends up saving a princess at some point in the game.

Seven lets him romance her and... wait... HE HAS A GIRLFRIEND NOW!!!

The game doesn’t count, my sweet summer child

It’s a little awkward that she’s voiced by Seven,and even though he teases Yoosung about it (both in-game and out), quite often it’s really sweet, actually.

He really, REALLY wishes he could commission someone to do fan art of them, but he has no money T_T

Might ask V if he gets desperate enough... might

Believe it or not, Yoosung will actually ditch playing LOLOL for this.

He likes being able to see all his best friends gathered in one place, laughing and just having a good time. It warms his poor college student heart.

ZEN

He’s not really sure how he was convinced to do this, but somehow he’s very into it

He’s not very good at the numbers part of the game (and he usually has to ask Yoosung or Jaehee to help him with it), but he really shines in the roleplay department (I mean he’s an actor! If nothing else it’s a really good opportunity to work on his improv skills)

Plays an high-elf bard, with a VERY high charisma stat.

“Not very original, huh Zen? Trying to make life imitate art?” “Shut up, mistah trust-fund kid!”

AND HE PLAYS THEM EXACTLY HOW YOU WOULD EXPECT.

Flirts with EVERY ENEMY. To the point that Seven has to make his character have near-death experiences MANY TIMES to get him to stop.

Still, somehow, by the end of the game he has amassed a harem of enemies who worship him for his god-like beauty.

VOICE ACTS FOR HIS CHARACTER AND SINGS ACTUAL BARD SONGS HE’S MEMORIZED BEFORE-HAND (rest in peace, Jaehee)

Oh but he doesn’t stop there.

He COSPLAYS HIS CHARACTER, AND HIS WHOLE FANBASE GOES INSANE

His bard now has a whole fandom and following irl too. He even made a separate social media account where he shares all the amazing fan art that people have drawn for his character. He even thinks that maybe they should start broadcasting their sessions or do a podcast.

JAEHEE

Jaehee is an absolute beast at this game.

She’s read over the rulebook at least 20 times and knows it inside and out.

Probably gets into arguments with Seven and maybe accidentally metagames once or twice.

She should be dm-ing not seven what the hell are they all thinking? She knows the stats better, anyways

She plays a rowdy dwarven paladin, and no one expected it.

Her logic is: it’s a fantasy-world. She can be whatever she wants, and she wants to smash things, be as rowdy as she likes, and be blunt and tell things like it is.

Also she’s semi-intentionally trying to recreate a gimli and legolas style relationship with Zen’s character, go figure ;) it’s actually really sweet at the end of the day though they make a great fucking team.

Has her own special routine for dice-rolls that she believes will increase her odds of getting a better roll.

They all laugh at her for varying degrees for it but FOR SOME REASON IT WORKS AND SHE HAS CRAZY NAT 20 STREAKS SOMETIMES.

She ends up stealing a lot of Jumin’s kills, but she’s just roleplaying, after all. (Seven gives her bonus xp for good roleplaying too like yeah good for her for using this as an outlet)

Frequents D&D forums a lot now. Thinking up new strategies and probably makes like a million new characters based on them that she may never play (but she hopes to, someday)

JUMIN

He’s heard of it before, and that’s no surprise with his extensive interest in small specialty businesses and the fact that the RFA has at least two members who have played it before.

But alas, he has never played it himself.

He agrees because the level of spectacle that he’s seen around playing this game is astounding, and he’s intrigued. Thinks maybe he’ll get a new business idea out of it.

“So Jumin, what race are you going to play as?” Seven asks, innocently, as though he doesn’t know the answer.

“... you’ll see.”

Everyone gets suspicious, but he keeps his poker-face as cool as ever.

When they go around the table introducing their characters, he puts on his most serious face, puts his hands up in front of his face like paws, and introduces himself as his character: Elizabeth the 4th, Tabaxi Ranger

Zen has to leave the room to get over a sneezing fit, Jaehee’s glasses shatter, Seven straight up dies laughing on the floor. None of it matters to Jumin. He’s living the fucking dream.

All that being said, Jumin is definitely tries to take a more methodical approach to the game. He carefully plans out his strategies for the best strategical outcome.

Although

He actually ends up really enjoying it, at the end of the day.

You know he’s looking into premium gear for future sessions. Buys all the rulebooks and lorebooks, buys a bunch of really cool-looking handmade dice (that he personally tests himself for balance, to make sure they all roll true). He probably even commissions someone to make custom mini figurines for their characters.

Like Zen, he’s also not quite sure how he got roped into doing this.

He’s never played, or ever really even HEARD of this game before, let alone understand how it works, but given an opportunity to hang out with the rest of the RFA and relax, he takes it. It sounds like fun to him anyway.

He has to spend a lot of time making his character (this poor boy, he sees everyone else with their faces stuffed in the character stat books and he doesn’t wanna ask if he can borrow it ‘cause they need it to make their characters too and doesn’t want to interrupt them)

When he finally DOES make a character, however. He goes with a Tiefling Druid. Not only do they look aesthetically pleasing and unique, but also he empathizes with how they’re treated by society as a whole. It’s kinda the perfect fit.

He’s super clueless when they first start playing.

Seven says “Roll for initiative” and he sits there like “wait... what do I do? ^^; ”

Jaehee, Jumin and Seven usually help him out and explain things as they go along.

As the game progresses he picks things up bit by bit. Turns out, he’s actually really good at roleplaying.

In the beginning, he plays his character as this cold and distant, not really caring about anyone in the team, but over time that dissolves into unerring loyalty to the rest of the party. Probably created an elaborate backstory involving a long lost love, too.

Everyone gets super attached to V’s character.

But of course, OF COURSE

When they face the final boss of the arc, someone has to sacrifice themselves to defeat it.

V immediately volunteers, and is dealt a killing blow before any of the rest of them can so much as talk it through.

As he dies, he says “My people only know hatred because they have been so hated. But... I’ve never felt that. Not with all of you. Thank you, for showing me that there’s hope for all of us!” and his character dies, with a smile on his face.

DAMNIT V NO

EVERYONE’S FUCKING CRYING NOW LOOK WHAT YOU DID

All-in-all though, he had a really great time. 10/10 would play again. Maybe even starts constructing a story-based campaign in his head and wants to try DM-ing next time!

He’s always snapping super aesthetic photos of the sessions, and probably does a painting of all their characters together to commemorate their first campaign.

SAERAN

Saeyoung invited him to play, but he says no.

It’s childish and he has other things he wants to do.

Saeyoung doesn’t pressure him, and honestly he thought that would be the last he’d hear of it.

However, Seven’s house is usually where they end up meeting to play (since no one else really has the room for it, and playing at Jumin’s house is ruled outright due to level of c-hair)

He’s a little annoyed, and thus stays in his room for most of the night, figuring he can wait the session out in his room.

But alas, the one thing he didn’t factor in was wanting some ice cream at 1 am.

After a deep internal debate, he ultimately decides to leave his room to satisfy the craving, and unlocks his door.

He wanders into the kitchen, surprisingly unnoticed, silently grabbing a spoon from the drawer and taking the carton of ice-cream out of the freezer, when he overhears something... familiar.

“BOOM! BOOM! Drums sound in the deep. A mighty roar soon follows, as the chamber rumbles with the sound, pieces of the construction tumbling to the floor of the ancient hall in its wake...”

Seven roars, for effect.

“Oh shit...” Zen says.

“Louder and louder, the sound draws nearer, until the sound stops at the foot of the barricaded door. Large shadows overcome what little faint light shone from beneath the door...”

*pushes up his glasses* “Roll for initiative”

“WHAT?!”, screams Yoosung, “WE JUST FOUGHT A CAVE TROLL! WE HAVEN’T EVEN HAD THE TIME TO RECOVER!”

“Shame...” Seven says, “If only there was one more party member... then you might have a chance...”

Seven then looks over to the doorway, locking eyes with Saeran briefly.

Memories prickle at the back of his head. Memories of those same eyes lighting up as he told the same stories to him. He remembers getting lost in those stories, feeling happy deep down as he figured out what he would do next. He even remembers... smiling?

He runs back into his room, and slams the door.

And that’s the last the RFA sees of him...

Or so they think.

Half an hour later, he comes out of his room, pulls out one of the kitchen chairs, sits down and slams a hastily-printed character sheet.

“Looks like you’re running into some trouble with that Balrog... tch. Amateurs.”

He made a Kenku Monk, chaotic neutral alignment.

And he completely destroys the boss that Seven had planned for them.

DID SOMEONE SAY EDGELORD?

Probably splits from the party a bunch, but Saeyoung planned for that, so there’s usually a bunch of story-heavy side-quests waiting for him anyway, and they all eventually lead him back to the party somehow.

But truth be told, he’s not that mad about it.

Every opportunity he gets to describe exactly the kind of moves he’s exacting on the enemies they face, he takes. He explains it in creative, gory detail, and it shocks some of the other party members, but Seven seems cool with it.

That’s right kiddo, harness all that repressed rage. Let it out.

He’s helping clean the kitchen after everyone’s gone when Seven asks,

“So? You going to play with us next session too?”

He pauses washing the snack dishes for a beat, and the corners of his lips start to twitch, just a little.

“Y-yeah, I-... I actually had a lot of fun.”

His brother pats him on the back, his hand still on his shoulder when he says “I’m glad! That’s what I was hoping to hear.”

“... Wait... you planned this from the beginning, didn’t you?”

The sly smirk on Seven’s face says it all. Bih you know he did

“... you little shit.”

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namjoonchronicles · 7 years ago

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away | jk

↳ description Jungkook’s way of displaying affection is safe to say, non-existent, and going on a trip without him would probably ignite something he never knew he had.

Jungkook is well-known for his agility, the ability to acquire new knowledge in an impressive amount of time, and excel in everything he puts his minds to. He is an oddly satisfying rare mixture of talents, intelligence and good looks, paired with his whimsical jokes and well-rounded personality, Jungkook is a force to be reckon with. The unapproachable, perfectionist sheds his fort-like walls when it comes to you and to this day,

You still haven’t figured out why.

He took out the trash in white Tees, not even caring about the cold. Then he made the bed, lining the duvet straight and neat like no one had slept on it. He moved to the side table where alarm clocks were and fixed them to be tilted exactly 45 degree from the edge, before gathering his dirty clothes from the floor and into the laundry basket where it should be. He proceeds to turns the stereo on, in the living room, with the playlist he made specifically for working out. The white racks above the television cabinet was decorated with little figurines and Bluetooth speakers he got when he was younger. It became a small collection for him. He placed his feet on the edge of the sofa and proceeded to do 300 reps of push ups.

Sweat drips down his forehead, down the middle of his brows to the bridge of nose before making a droplet on the wooden floor of the apartment. The music surrounding the room hypes him up, motivates him and accelerate his workout session. Jungkook is also gifted with a good sense of hearing because he could hear his phone vibrating from the kitchen counter, across the living room. Commanding Siri to turn the volume down, Jungkook had 3 push-ups left to do but he hoisted himself up, glistening in glorious sweat resulting from the labour he put himself in—and it’s not even 9.30AM. He reached the back of his dampened t-shirt, took it off over his head and balled-up in one hand, his chest heaving up and down from the strenuous exertion while his eyes furrowed at the sight of his blinking screen.

“Has she reached there already?” Jungkook spoke to himself in thick Busan accent as he marched to it and fishing it into his palm to take a good look. He threw it back on the counter when he saw that it was a notification from the group chat with the rest of the Hyungs. Jungkook, his sweaty back, in only knee-length shorts returns to the bedroom, threw the used T-shirt in the laundry basket and carried the basket to the laundry room, down the hallway next to G.C.O.—Golden Closet Office; his personal creative-practice area where he is free to do whatever he wants, his personal space. Which reminded him that he left his grey hoodie there after you spend a night when he work, so he fetches that before he made his way to the washing machine. His head went back and forth to the thought of his phone ringing and how disappointed he was, when it wasn’t you. “…How dare you have fun without me…” He grumbled, shirtless and spent.

Jungkook went back to his phone and started a melancholic playlist he set aside for down days, for example, today. You added a few of your favourite tunes and that’s why he named it: She; to commemorate that love and pain could come from the same person. It’s for days where he felt somehow unequipped with your affections, where he felt jealous for the stupidest things and the moments where words aren’t enough to express his anger so all that’s left in is what ‘She’ meant to him. Songs like, Chelsea Cutler’s Your Shirt, Jaymes Young’s What Is Love and Maroon 5’s Cold, just to name a few—makes their way into the list effortlessly. It’s those tunes that comforts him when things aren’t going well. Relationship is tough, and to Jungkook’s tender heart, your actions can sometimes hurt him without you intending to do so. Jungkook never knew love before you so it inevitable. That was what he meant by ‘love and pain coming from the same person’. Because let’s be honest here, there is very thin line between pain and pleasure.

And you were the only person that he allowed his heart to be broken by.

It’s not a lie that you do take his feelings to consideration in everything you do. It’s just that, when you’ve been single long enough, you tend to forget how to love and how to make others feel loved. Jungkook’s clinginess was new to you and sometimes he feels that you don’t show enough affection when you thought you did. Jungkook can be difficult to read sometimes, provided that he is the kind to hide his emotions and not let his true feelings show, it makes you feel that, probably he needed space on his own. But you gave him too much space that he felt you weren’t invested enough in this relationship, and it was hardly the case. Jungkook’s affection comes in various ways, and more often, through his texts and brief calls. He rarely hold your hand in public, nor take you to hang out with his friends for dinner. Because he doesn’t like other men’s’ eyes on you. But you know that he yearns for you when he decided to call, when his friends says he rarely even text them back.

Those were the little signs that Jungkook was head over heels for you. You were gone from homeland for about seven hours now, and you were wondering if he was doing okay. But your friends decided to go grocery shopping in Bergen, Norway as soon as the squad touched down and you couldn’t even text him because your battery ran out. Upon returning to the hostel you accommodate with the rest of the squad, you plugged your phone in and helped them to cook lunch. The in-flight food was less than satisfying to your stomach because you craved a little spiciness to your food. You couldn’t decide if all of the food actually tastes a little bland or the fact that you’re missing Jungkook is making all your taste buds a little numb. Perhaps both. While chopping the carrots into long strips, your friends from college asked about Jungkook, and it was probably obvious that the thought of him made your face lit up because they started teasing you about it.

“…Look at her all smiling at the mention of his name.” “That’s probably the first time I saw her toothy smile since we got here! She didn’t smile as bright during our graduations.” “Wow, you really love this kid, don’t you?”

What else can you reply? Isn’t the grin enough to answer all the questions they have. “…He is really quiet, isn’t he? The last time we saw him, during the wedding. All he did is smile.” She’s not wrong there, you clicked your tongue, “…Jungkook is actually very chatty. He’s shy around new people. But once you know him, he just doesn’t stop talking. He makes weird noises too.” And then everyone perked their ears up, giving you a smug smile as if they’ve just the dirtiest thoughts, “…What kind of noises?” They sang, in sync. “God, I hate you guys.” You shook your head and tried to press your smile while you wash your hands. There’s only four of you, but the hostel was filled with inaudible roar of girls and two out of four, you and the tallest one in the squad were newlyweds, leaving your husbands behind. This trip was long overdue. Everyone promised to have this trip before anyone gets married, but work had been merciless. All four of you were in medical line, so it was inevitable.

The tallest one walked in with two extra bags of groceries and asked for her passport that she kept in your bag. You went to get them as she unbag the fruits. As you were kneeling by the plug, the phone rang. You were quick to unplug them from the charger and answered the call while walking out the room with your friends’ passport. “…Yes, honey?” You said upon putting the phone to your ear and return to the kitchen where the rest of the squad were. Jungkook is kneeling, with his eyes wide open, zooming in and out. “I am in front of the washing machine, what do I do?” He sighed, he let out a long hum as he spoke and you heard his fingers punching some buttons. “Are you doing laundries? Why are you doing laundries?” You blinked rapidly to the chopping boards, sandwiching the phone between your ear and shoulder while you resumed to cut the peeled potato passed by your roommate. “…I ran out of clothes to wear,” he breathed through his teeth and tutted his tongue. “Jungkook, I have one whole wardrobe full of washed clothes for you to wear while I’m away, I even put weekday and weekend tags on them, and you’re telling me you’ve worn all of them in the span of 7, no—8 hours?” Jungkook dug his tongue to his cheek, still trying to figure out the washing machine.

“You did?” Jungkook asked. “Yes, baby, I did.” You sang softly.

Jungkook sat cross-legged on the floor and leaned his back to the wall next to washing machine and dryer, shirtless still and pushed his hair back to show his forehead. “…Are you in Bergen, safe?” He asked. Now it finally felt like the intention of the unprecedented call is finally taking place. He wanted to know if you’re okay since you never called. “I did, my phone died so I had to wait to get to the hostel before finally charging it… Is everything okay? Did you make breakfast?” Your friends are gleefully laughing while they cook and the considerate one came to feed you some sausages she fried. Munching slowly, you heard Jungkook replied, “…I did some exercising and I think I’m going to go continue the editing while you’re not here, because. Less distractions.” You could imagine him running his hot tongue along the extent of his lower lip before biting them suggestively because you could hear him smile.

“…If I tell you this was on loud speaker, what will you do.” You teased him. Hearing nothing from his side, you quickly snickered, “Scared you there, didn’t I? It’s broad day light here, can you have some controls? We have a week more to go. I need you calm it down a little.” Jungkook gave a side-eye to the innocent laundry basket before hoisting himself up from the floor and into his personal office. “…We shouldn’t have done it here. It’s all I think about, when I walk in this room.” He eyed his working desks, the L-shaped couch, the walls next to the keyboard and even the floor where the round-shaped rugs were. “…Told you to have restraints. You were the one who wanted it there and then…I was good for a few more minutes. We could have made it to the bedroom.” You bite your lips and your college best friends started to uproariously oust you so you had to excuse yourself before Jungkook gets further embarrassed.

“What are you even talking about?! There’s two virgins here!” “I never expected you to be this nasty, you were such an angel back in the days.” “Jungkook, what have you done to her?!” “I have to get a therapy now, are you happy?”

You snickered and shut the door behind you before flopping on the bed. “Lies, you couldn’t even made it to the living room back then. All whining and grabbing… Fuck.” He leans towards the kitchen counter as he spoke to you. “…Are you even going to make it for a week without me, Kookie?” You turned to your side, extremely worried because you know how upset he gets if he couldn’t see you or talk to you when he wanted to. “I got tissues, and your perfume, I’ll be fine. But I’ll be better if you answer all my calls on time…However, if that is too much to ask for,” He pauses, drawing meaningless circles on the marble table and pressed his lips together before straightening up, “…Just some pictures of your trips there would be okay.” He gazes up to the ceiling and pouted. “…I got you. Don’t worry, baby. I’ll be home before you know it, a week will just breeze through.” You smacked your lips together.

“I think they’re calling me… these bitches.” You sat up on the bed and Jungkook giggled short, so you added hastily, “…Kiss me through the phone, and I miss you very much okay. Don’t cheat on me.” Jungkook smiled and made kissing sounds before ending the call. He set the phone on his lap as he sat on the couch, the sweat on his back had finally dried and he eyed his wallpaper, a smile toying on his lips as he darted, “You, don’t cheat on me.” He falls to his side and curled up in a ball like a love-sick teenager on the sofa.

Day-7. Six days to go until your return.

“…How far is Bergen from here, again…? I shouldn’t have suggested her to go to Bergen.” He lulled his head back and then he felt his phone vibrated. What was that? Is it a photo worth 7 days alone? Is she wearing sexy things? Cute things? Jungkook was grinning ear to ear. Jungkook’s focus went to the new message sent by you all the way from Bergen and swiped right to see. Jungkook threw his phone immediately, and the smile that was on his lips a few seconds ago is now gone, completely. He marched to the bedroom and slammed the bathroom door, loud, leaving his phone abandoned on the coffee table in the living room. “I fucking hate her.” He grumbled low as he turned the hot shower on. “I can’t believe she did that. I can’t. Who in the world allowed her?? How the hell did she even get that picture printed on the shirt like that?” Jungkook talked to himself in the shower cubicle, pissed off. His voice echoed through the tiles as he groans, annoyed.

The unapproachable, perfectionist sheds his fort-like walls when it comes to you and today, Jungkook is certain that you married him so you could bully him forever. Why else would you bring--in his opinion, that hideous shirt to Europe?

“Brought grubby with me. Isn’t he the cutest?”

- My Headache/Wife

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yoshi4sushi · 7 years ago

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(purupurupuru) (purupurupuru) (gocha!) (coo!) (coo!)

Happy Super Duper Monday, minna-san! I hope everyone had a good weekend. As for us, we are stoked for many fun events happening this summer. The weather is getting a bit warmer so be sure to keep yourselves hydrated and wear light clothing. Well, we done our obligation so we have loads of fun news to share with you. You know the drill. First off, last week’s chapter was EXTRAORDINARY! With the gang finally out of Totland, now they can rest easy now that Sanji is back with them. Meanwhile, all the representatives from the 20 kingdoms are sailing towards to Reviere. We see that Rebecca and Kyros joined with Violet with King Riku. Suddenly, a bunch pirates were plotting to kidnap Violet, but alas, the great marine hero Coby arrives and put a stop to them. He and Helmeppo are escorting the Riku family. Then, Coby reads the news about Luffy and Sanji. He couldn’t stop crying knowing that Luffy is making his name. The whole world reads the shocking news about the attempt assassination of Big Mom. Everyone was shocked to read the BIG BIG BIG NEWS about Luffy. So new bounties have increased, and a new Yonko has been announced. First, Sanji has a bounty of 330 million berries, but was really disappointed that his wanted poster added his family name with it. Once again, it depressed him. At the end, Luffy sees his bounty, but was sad cause it decreased to 150 berries, but Brook told him he misread it. It was announced that the new Yonko is none other… drum roll, please! Da da da da da da! LUFFY!! Yes, is now a Yonko with a bounty of 1 billion 500 million!!! YOWZA! That’s a big increase than 2 years ago when he fought against Doflamingo. The news shocked the gang?! Straw Hat Luffy is the 5th Yonko!!!! What will happen next time?! Guess we’ll see how things will unfold in this new adventure. There is no manga this week due to Golden Week so be patient and wait. Next, this past weekend’s episode was scary as we see Big Mom going nuts to see that Brook destroyed the picture of Mother Caramel. Meanwhile, as everyone tries to fulfill their mission, the Big Mom pirates surrounded the Vinsmokes ready to kill them as they planned. Judge was utterly in distraught finding out that he was played for a sucker for trusting Big Mom. At the end, Katakuri approaches quickly to stop Bege and Luffy from carrying on their plan to kill Big Mom as Brook urges Luffy to show the wrecked picture to Big Mom one more time so that she can screech her lungs out for the KX launcher to kill her. Next time, the fight goes on. Will they succeed with this plan? Don’t miss it! Now on with the news! Look who came to hang out with us for a bit. It’s Tongari-san! Take it away, my friend. Share your enthusiastic news. First off, Golden Week is a half week holiday, and the tower is getting ready to celebrate the future king of the pirates birthday, Luffy!!! His birthday is on May 5th, and it’s a good day. Its kid’s day so all children in elementary school will have free entry to the park. Next, Tongari Store are selling these adorable plush purses of mascots of Kumacy, Chopper, Bepo, and Kung Fu dugong to keep your phone or ticket safely tucked w/o losing it. Next, Mugiwara Café will be giving out picture frame designs for free for customers when you order something from the menu and have pictures taken at the tower. Only available May 1st, 2nd, and 6th from noon to six pm. Last entry will be at five-thirty. Next, the store will be selling the birthday buttons of the character for May. Here is also the new birthday button of Luffy with his cheerful face. Also, if you make purchase over 1000 yen, you’ll get a free birthday poster of Luffy. Moving on, last week, all arcades stocked this new King of Artist figurine of Luffy in Bound Man pose from Whole Cake Island. If you got your coins and game face ready, get on with it, and beat that crane. Next, Mugiwara store are selling these new mini tote bags of Ace, Law, and Chopper with the first letters of their names in bold color. Next, new acrylic straps of Luffy and Sanji have been released. Also, a new t-shirt of Luffy has been released which is his t-shirt from his kid days with Anchor in front and his kid self in the back. It’s a cute t-shirt. Next, they re-stocked more of these button sets of Ace, Zoro, Sanji, Ace, and Law. Next, more new buttons. This button sets of Luffy and Katakuri, and Zoro and Sanji in their Germa suits. You can also find them at the Jump Shops as well. Get it before it’s out of stock. Next, some awesome birthday goods of Luffy will also be at Mugiwara Stores and the tower such as this acrylic art board, tea cup, hand towel, t-shirt, friendly eco purse, and folders. Next, OP game app, Thousand Storm, we mentioned last week that its having a campaign of the Straw Hats in their new look. Pass many levels and get many coins to receive Luffy in his dashing pirate outfit. Next, new updates on the OP Summer event at USJ. First, last week, the website has launched the opening for reservations. You can purchase online or on the day you visit, but I would recommend you buy the tickets online so you avoid standing and waiting for your turn. If you purchased online, be sure to bring an ID and confirmation of your purchase so they can confirm it. The show is at 7:00 so you must be there 15 minutes early so you have time to find your seat. For the restaurant, There are still plenty of openings, but be quick otherwise you’ll have to wait till you visit the park and make reservations in person at the Beverly Hills Boulangerie. The window is located on the right side so stand in line and wait till they take your reservation time. For those who made reservations online, like the show tickets, bring ID and confirmation. You can have it your smartphone or print it out. In my opinion, you should print it just in case technology goes wrong. They have updated the menu they’ll have this year. You’ll be given a free drink such as orange juice at the entrance. For appetizers, they’ll have smoked duck, pastrami beef, smoked salmon, raw ham millefeu, and marinated shrimp and octopus with some delicacy sauce with hearts. For entre, you will have a choice to choose either the beef dish that has sirloin roast beef with layoinasse potatoes, and gratin soybeans. The fish dish has sautee sea beam with mash potatoes and eggplants. Both entres will include bread with butter. For kids menu, they’ll have Buggy’s Watch-Out-for-his-red nose dish. It will have Buggy’s chicken rice with a cherry tomato, fried shrimp with tartar sauce, omelet, chicken nugget, fresh steamed veggies, and macaroni gratin. For dessert, they’ll serve Tokimeki’s Strawberry Mousse. For drinks, you can order these colorful alcohol or non-alcohol drinks. For alcohol drinks, they’ll have Buggy’s “Who the hell you’re calling big nose” drink with an orange and cherry, and they’ll have for “You’re beautiful” strawberry sparkling wine. For non-alcohol, they’ll have “You’re cute” lemon soda cocktail, and Longing for the All-Blue drink with some colorful gelatin fish. If you order either of these drinks, you’ll be given a free random silver spoon of any Straw Hats. You will can also purchase a commemorative sweet dessert gift set of Sanji that will have a chocolate and fruit heart cakes with two tea bags, and a special message from Sanji. Let the cashier know before you leave. You’ll also have a chance to take a photo with the characters. No news yet who will be there this summer, but while you’re dining, waiters will escort you to the line so you can take your photo. Once you leave, you can head outside to purchase your photo frame. It’s a load of fun this summer. Updates on the other OP restaurant at the park and merchandise will be announced later. Also, they’ll have a Water Battle where you can watch a mini show of OP and get wet at the same time. Its oodles of fun, and a way to cool yourself off from the scorching heat. Last, but not least, here is the new cover of vol.2 from the novel of Ace that has Thatch and Blackbeard in it. It continues on with Ace’s story before he joined the Whitebeard pirates. Well, that’s all we got for now. Tune in for more news and events next week. Special thanks to Tongari for dropping by. See you around, my friend. BOYS! Let’s get some rest. Good job.

USJ events: https://www.usj.co.jp/onepiece/summer2018/#

#one piece #merchandise #event #game apps #restaurant

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daily-rubbersoul-redux · 4 years ago

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24 hours? Nah more like 60 minutes, here it is fuckers :]

As much as I regret it, I must put this under a cut due to the fact that some of it is graphic in nature (even though I try and avoid describing it too graphically, I still feel that this is the best way to go about this as to not accidentally expose someone to something they are uncomfortable with. I really don't want to say what exactly in order to avoid spoiling it, but I feel it is the right thing to do, so: If you're uncomfortable with death or self harm (possibly including more severe versions of this, i.e. suicide/attempted suicide) then maybe don't read this? Or just read it with caution. Again, I did my best to make it not too bad, but at the same time, I wanted to make it a good piece of writing, meaning not omitting everything, if that makes sense). However, this is also, well.... Incredibly long. I put a lot of time and effort into making it as good as possible, and I enjoyed every second of it. This plot, this whole thing, it.... It means a lot to me, because it's kind of the first OC related plot that I ever made that I was truly proud of. Or well, a version of it since y'know. The characters it focuses on aren't originally from the JJBA Universe. But still, I really hope you read it at all, and if you do that you enjoy it.

Also, just a few other things: This originally was going to have drawings throughout it, but a combination of not being able to make them look how I wanted, not wanting to interrupt the writing’s flow and just feeling as if I didn’t have enough time killed that idea. Also, I really don’t think the first part is too great, especially when compared to the later parts, but I didn’t feel like it warranted a complete re-write, so... Yeah, don’t judge it all off of that.

And I know, usually Author's notes go at the end but y'know. Figured I'd put something above the cut. :]

Part I: To say goodbye.

Friday, June 18th, 3:00 p.m.

Jacian glanced at the clock on the wall, as the hands aligned to spell out 3 o’clock. It was time to get ready for what was to come. He willingly pried himself from his seat, leaving his half-eaten meal behind him; It was not as if it was not already cold and spoiled. He calmly made his way to his room, opening his closet with a flourish. Anyone else may have been panicking in this situation, or at the very least stressed a little, but not him. He had already made peace with his decision, and with what he had to do. There was no way around it. He had his orders, and he would obey.

One of them would not leave this duel with any life remaining in their bodies.

His hands made their way to the very back of the line of identical school uniforms that stood before him, gently removing a much more regal outfit, complete with an armored pauldron. Fitting attire for a final duel; It was only right to show his respect by dressing appropriately. He took his time changing into the outfit; First the white undershirt, followed by cream pants, which the shirt was tucked into, then his black boots with red accents, which the pants were tucked into, his signature almost navy-blue jacket with golden accents and its decorative tassel, his neckerchief, which was expertly tied and tucked into his jacket, his trademark scarlet cape slung over his left shoulder, a shimmering black pauldron atop the cape, a pair of black armored gloves, and finally…

He walked over to his bedside table, gently plucking a white lily from the plant he had growing there and fastening it to his bosom over the top of the cape’s edge. White lilies… What an ironic choice. The flower he loved most, and one often symbolizing purity…

But also, a flower often present at the funerals of those who died young. How fitting.

He looked himself over in the full-length mirror that stood aside his closet, making sure his appearance was picture perfect as intended. His golden hair fell perfectly into place, his flowing red cape lay perfectly both as he stood still and as he posed a bit, and the matching red palms of his armored gloves complimented the whole look quite well. He adjusted his neckerchief a bit, ensuring that it was properly aligned, before giving a satisfied nod. Oh, how he wished it father could have seen him now… He wondered; would he be proud of him? Would he approve of how he had been doing his job, and upholding his values? After all, it was because of his father that he had decided to follow this path in the first place. He respected him; How he upheld his moral code no matter what, and yet was still able to make time for his family. He was such a great man, and yet… He bled all the same. Which was why Jacian had to take up arms in his stead; He had to protect his father’s honor, by ensuring that his sacrifice would not be in vain. And to that end, he would serve his Lord to his last breath as well, no matter what.

Ah, but… He was getting distracted, and nearly had forgotten the most vital part of his getup; The part that would be a true necessity in the events to come. He made his way to the two cases sitting on his bed, gently lifting the lids on them, and retrieving the contents from within. The smaller of the two contained his usual rapier, which he fastened to his right hip as he normally did. The second case however, contained a much larger sword, one seemingly custom made to fit some very specific requirements. Its almost greenish blade shinned in the small amount of sunlight that was trickling into the room via a curtained window as Jacian fastened this sword to left hip, though much more towards the rear of his body. He once again looked himself over in the mirror, ensuring that the two blades laid as they should, before giving himself a final nod of approval.

Now that that was all done… He had a few more things to check before he departed. He made his way back out into the living area of his apartment. What was in his private quarters did not matter much anyways; Out here was where he had spent most of his time. First thing first, he read over the note he had left on the table once more, just to be completely sure it expressed the things that he wanted it to. After a few moments, he deemed it to be fine, and so neatly folded it and left it next to his perpetually unfinished meal. That was done, and he had already left the notes he had prepared for Myojo, Suzu and Orlando in the council room and principal’s office respectively, so next… He walked over to the coffee table, grabbed the spare key he had left there, and tucked it away within his jacket for the time being. Was there anything else that needed to be done? He slowly scanned the rest of the living area with his vision, but before too long his eyes fell on the objects lining the shelves near his window. His stern expression softened a bit as he made his way over to them, nostalgic thoughts filling his mind.

Lining them were things he had obtained over the past five years, all of them from close friends both new and old. Most were simply small trinkets, though there were some bigger objects and even some things attached to the wall between the shelves and the window. He went over to the objects on the wall first; A motivational poster from Anton, a t-shirt from Orlando with a picture of his face on it, and a motivational cat calendar from Suzu. Not to mention the window they were all hung next to, which held a window planter Taiana had gifted him for his birthday which was now filled with campanulas. As for the shelves themselves, many of the objects they held were naught but small trinkets, such as a Maneki-Neko figurine from Kyō, a hand made lily pin from Kaitso, an ornate pair of scissors from Chiuji, a brooch and embroidered handkerchief from Taiana, a student council pin from Myojo, a rooster charm from Anton, a keychain from Orlando that was also of his face – along with a ‘Best Fiends’ necklace – and a crystal lily figure from Merridith. Of the larger images, two were cards; One from Anton and the rest of his group, commemorating his birthday a few years prior, and the other from Myojo, wishing him well when he had been down in the dumps and stressed previously. Finally, there were the larger objects; A decorative folding fan from Kyō, a solid gold sword replica from Kaitso, a pair of pastel blue and white roller skates from Merridith, a boxed set of The Power Puff Girls DVDs from Orlando, a book of flirting tips and pick-up lines from Chiuji, and the two Build-A-Bear stuffed animals that Suzu and Myojo had gifted him, as well as his own. All of this, from all of his friends… He felt a twinge in his heart. He really was going to miss them all; getting to converse with them, and even just spend time in their presence…

But even so, he stood firm with his decision. He had made his peace; and though he felt for those who he had cared for, he did not feel remorse or sorrow about what was to come. Giving one last smile at the contents of the shelves, he made his way to his apartment’s doorway. He gazed at the whole room one last time; It should have been a sentimental and sad moment, and to a weaker man it may have been, but to Jacian this was simply the end of one chapter of his life. He exited the apartment, fishing his key out of his jacket to lock the door behind him before stashing said key away in a potted plant between his own door and the door of his neighbor. His mother would know where to find it when she needed to; That was all that mattered. And with that, he began the long walk to the duel site he had specified, confidence in his every step and a determined expression on his face.

One chapter of his life had just concluded; And the final one was about to begin.

Part II: I understand.

Friday, June 18th, 2:47 p.m.

Taiana opened the letter she had found on her desk a little over a week ago, reading it once more just so that she could be sure there had been no mistake. Lo and behold, nothing had changed about the words that it contained, nor the signature at the bottom. Jacian…

…So, this was why he had increased the frequency of their duels for the past month. And now, it came to this. A duel to the death. She leaned back, her head hitting the wall she was sitting up against. What should she do…? No, no she had no reason to ask herself that. She already knew what she would be doing.

She would accept, of course. It was only fair, and besides. If she was to truly be a knight, then it was her duty to never back down from a duel. Still… If this would be the grand finale, then she should probably dress for the occasion. She looked down at her school uniform. Sure, it was what she had worn to every other duel, but, knowing Jacian, he would have some extravagant garb on for this one. So, it would only be appropriate for her to do the same. She glanced at the bag beside her, which held just that; An outfit truly fitting of a knight, and one she had been saving for the most special of occasions. Tucking the letter away within her right pant pocket, she got to her feet, and slung the bag over her shoulder. School was out for the day; it was time to get ready.

The walk from the campus to the café Jacian worked out felt longer than usual. Of course, he would not be working there today; He had not shown up for school that day either, unsurprisingly considering the occasion. She gave a friendly wave to the blue-green haired man behind the counter as she entered the establishment, before promptly heading back to the single-person bathroom at its back. Locking the door behind her, she began the process of changing into her much more elaborate garb, her mind drifting as she did. Gabbrielli had seemed much less stressed out that day, which was nice… Still, it felt a bit bad to have to decline his offer for lunch. But today was not the day for that. Maybe once this was all said and done, they could get lunch with Jacian as well.

…Well, no, I guess not, considering it was a duel to the death… One of them would not be leaving that battle grounds. Speaking of the battle grounds… She reached into the right pocket of her now-removed school pants, retrieving the letter from its depths. She scanned it over once more, this time solely focused on the address written neatly towards the bottom. Taking a few moments to try and memorize it, she nodded, seemingly satisfied with herself, before tucking it back away within her school pants and subsequently tucking those into the bag she had brought her new outfit in. Once she quickly finished changing, she stood in front of the bathroom mirror, putting the finishing touch on her outfit.

A red rose… Not exactly a fitting flower, typically they symbolized naught more than love or romance, but still one she had worn for longer than she could remember. Perhaps it was because of the romanticized versions of knights, and scenes of them rescuing others often were depicted with rose petals floating around them dramatically. Really, things like that were primarily why she had decided to become a knight in the first place; She just… feel in love with that fantastical version of them and wanted to fill that role herself. In reality, it was a thankless job spent entirely serving the whims of one’s master. But with a master like the people as a whole, well… She loved it more than anything. Even if she was doing something as simple as helping someone perform some trivial task, she could not think of any greater joy in life. She was really helping people, serving the people in a way that she wanted to, and still fitting that romanticized image, to a degree.

She finished fastening the rose above the small tassels hanging from her coat, looking herself over in the surprisingly large bathroom mirror once more. Her short, green cape, fastened to both of her shoulders via a pair of golden shoulder pads with a fringe that matched the tassels on her coat’s breast, contrasted her long, bright orange coat, with the gold accents all over the rest of the outfit complimenting the whole look quite nicely. She fixed one of her gloves, ensuring it was on properly this time, before slipping on her mask. Alright then, she was ready to leave. She gazed up at the bathroom window; It was too high for her to reach from the ground, even with her skills at jumping and parkour. Even so, she had planned for this, and began to put said plan into action as she slung her bag over her shoulder. Leaning her sword against the wall, while being sure to keep a grasp on the leather strap connected to its sheath, she gracefully leapt upon its guard, using it to propel herself up to the window which she grasped the ledge of and pulled herself partially through. Before she jumped out completely though, she sharply yanked the leather strap she was holding onto, bringing her sword flying up to her, where she caught it in midair with a simple swipe of her hand. With that, she jumped down from the window, landing solidly on her feet and causing her boots to make a resounding THUNK as they made contact with the pavement. She then headed over towards some nearby bushes, stowing her bag away within their depths. There, she could return for that once all was said and done. But now, she was ready. With a determined expression, she headed off in the direction of the specified duel grounds, fastening her sword to her left hip as she walked.

This was it. The final showdown.

But for some reason, her heart felt heavier than she had expected it to.

Part III: Scarlet curtains fall.

Friday, June 18th, 3:39 p.m.

Gabbrielli gave a small wave to the store clerk as he left, plastic bag in hand. Letting out a sigh, he began the fairly short walk home. He had planned on getting lunch with Taiana and Jacian today, but the former already had plans and the latter was absent from school, which was surprising considering his usual punctuality. Ah well, they would simply have to go out another day. Today he had decided to bring home some ice cream and spend time with his siblings instead. He figured it would be nice, especially since Cammylle had finally been opening up and becoming more willing to spend time with the others. Not to mention that Villette had been accepted to that college in America that she had dreamed of going to, so they had all the reason to celebrate together. He began humming to himself as he walked, his thoughts wandering. It was certainly a nice day out today; A bit cloudy, sure, but that only really improved the weather by obscuring the scorching June sun. Not only that, but it was quiet, peaceful… For once he was not being swarmed by unwanted affection or gifts. He smiled to himself, rounding the corner onto the street he lived on. One thing may have gone wrong that day, but at the very least the rest of it was turning out quite swimmingly. He made his way to the front door of his house knocking on it gently enough for it to be audible, but not overly loud. He waited, but…

There was no response, which was odd considering that at least one person should be home… He tried again, this time knocking a bit harder, but still to no avail. He thought it a bit odd, but perhaps whoever was home was simply upstairs. He crouched down, retrieving a spare house key from beneath the doormat. It looked as if he would just have to let himself in. Inserting the key into the lock with a small sigh, he proceeded to turn it, unlocking the door, and opened it, stepping inside. It was quiet, which was certainly strange, but he paid that no mind, making his way to the dining room. The lights were off, which was unusual as well, and as he stepped into the room, he decided to announce his presence.

“I’m home, and I picked up some ic-” His words caught in his throat, as he took in the scene before him. His mind went blank, and everything just seemed to stop. He did not even notice the grocery bag falling out of his hand and hitting the floor with a dull thud.

What lay in front of him, was four forms collapsed onto the ground in various locations withing the large room. All of them lay in pools of their own blood. All four of them. All four of… Of his siblings.

He began to scream, his legs moving on their own as he rushed over to the nearest body. Her face was not visible, her long blue hair having presumably fallen over it as she fell to the ground. Gabbrielli threw himself to the ground next to her, his screams echoing in the room. “Vi, Vi please! Get up, you have to, you can’t-” His words once again caught in his throat as he brushed her hair aside, revealing her face. Both her eyes and mouth were wide open, as if she had been in shock before she died. And, though the fact she was not breathing should have made it apparent, her blank, glassy stare is what finally made Gabbrielli accept the situation.

She was dead. No alive person would have eyes so hollow, so glossed over… It was if all the color had been drained from them, as if the bright crimson that used to occupy her irises had spilt onto the ground along with her blood. He shakily stood back up, turning his gaze to the other bodies in the room.

Fabriano had the same eyes.

Georganna had the same eyes.

He could not see Cammylle’s face, but… He could only assume it was the same.

And Father was nowhere to be found.

Gabbrielli felt numb. Why… Just, why… He had no idea how to process this, or what to do, or…

And then, out of the corner of his eye, movement. Not much movement, he very well could have been imagining things, but… As soon as doubt entered his mind, Cammylle’s hand once again twitched.

He could not take any chances. He immediately rushed to her side, scooping the younger girl up in his arms. She was warm, and more importantly….

Her eyes were not like the others. No, rather they were clenched shut as if she was in immense pain, and her though her breathing was shallow and labored, it was still there.

“C-Cam, oh god, oh thank god….” He sobbed softly. But even though she was alive now, she… She may not stay that way for long. She was still wounded. Not knowing what else to do, Gabbrielli did what he only then realized he should have as soon as he came upon the scene.

He called for help.

“H-hello? Yes t-there’s… Oh god, my family was attacked, a-and…

T-there are three dead, one w-wounded and one missing. P-please send someone as soon as you can I-I can’t….

I can’t lose h-her too….”

Part IV: One last time.

Friday, June 18th, 3:57 p.m.

Jacian checked his ornate pocket watch. He had arrived at the abandoned warehouse that would be the grounds for this final showdown quite early, but… Now only three minutes remained until the designated time. Though, knowing Taiana, she would be arriving before the next minute was up. Silently tucking the watch back into his pocket, he began to let his thoughts wander a bit. He had made his peace with what was to be done; Having nearly two weeks to prepare himself, that was to be expected. But even so… Deep down, he was quite sad that his incompetence had let it come to this. He knew that people would be hurt, and that they probably would not understand. But he had his orders, and he had to carry them out.

There would only be one survivor. That much, he was certain of.

“Jacian.” The boy turned towards the approaching voice, as the figure it belonged to emerged from the shadows, her blue eyes illuminated from beneath her mask. “…So, this is it, huh? At the very least, can I ask why? To go to this length, you… Couldn’t have made this decision yourself, no?”

“Of course not, I simply received new orders; This whole ordeal has been ongoing for over five years at this point, and though I had no wish to change our way of doing things, my Lord understandably had grown tired of it. As such, I now must do things his way, so to speak. And as we are both here…” He unfastened the larger of the two blades he had brought with him from his waist, holding it out in front of him as he removed the sheath, before tossing it to the side. It hit the ground with a clatter as he brandished the blade which gave off a sort of soft glow in the darkened area. His serious expression deepened to one of intense focus as he continued. “…I believe it is time that we start, and end this.”

Taiana had so many questions that she wanted to ask, but… She knew that asking them would not amount to anything now. This duel would happen regardless. She understood that, and she understood why, but… She had a bad feeling about this whole thing. She unsheathed her own blade, the ribbons tied to the hilt gently flowing along with the draft of air flowing through the building as she took up her own stance. “…Alright then.”

“Good. Now then…

…HOLD NOTHING BACK IF YOU WISH TO LIVE!” Without even giving Taiana as much as a moment to react, Jacian sprung forward. It would have been expected for him to have a hard time handling the larger blade, as he had been using naught but a rapier in his duels for half a decade, but Jacian was no fool; He had been training excessively with the blade in his spare time and could handle it as naturally as if it was his own limb. He made the first attack, slashing at his opponent which caused the blade to leave a trail of electricity along its path.

Taiana narrowly dodged, a bit caught off guard by both the suddenness of his charge, and the apparent powers of the sword he was wielding. She jumped back in order to put some distance between the two, quickly regaining her composure and stance in the process. This was bad, especially considering that she had no clue what this sword was capable of. But still, she had been warned that he would be going all out within the letter she had been given… So, if she had to fight fire with fire, then so be it.

…Well, more so fight electricity with fire, but the point still stood. Still, she would rather not have to resort to that if possible. It may be a duel to the death, but… She did not want to hurt him. He was her friend, and… She really cared about him…

Seemingly noticing her distraction, Jacian went on the offensive once more. This was what he had trained for, what was his duty… Whether he wanted to do it or not was not a factor in whether or not it would happen. Still, he did not expect it to be easy… Both would doubtless make full use of their abilities in this battle, which meant that Taiana would be near impossible to hit… Well, she would be for someone who had not prepared for her skillset, at least. He feinted a strike to the left, utilizing electricity to make it appear as if he was actually following through with it, before striking to the right at full force. Seemingly not realizing quickly enough to dodge, Taiana was forced to block the blow, and the two were thrown into a blade lock. They held fast for a while, neither wanting to give in to the other’s pressure, until both realized that this would go nowhere and sprung apart.

The sounds of metal hitting metal, boots scaping on concrete, and the occasional shout or crackle of electricity echoed throughout the battle grounds, as the two continued to clash. Though both found themselves on both the offensive and defensive at several points throughout, neither could truly claim to have the upper hand. Still, both persevered, each trying to put the other into check by planting their blade firmly at their throat. However, neither was having much luck, and already this duel had more than doubled the usual ten minute time of their previous ones.

Taiana had during all of this somehow come up with a plan. The only question was, would she be able to execute it in a way that would not backfire? It was risky, she would have to let Jacian get incredibly close to hitting her, but if it worked out then it could turn the tides of this battle in her favor. As she thought to herself, Jacian saw yet another opportunity to strike, and took it without hesitation. As he got close enough to strike, however, Taiana chose to reach towards him with her empty left hand, rather than make any move to block or dodge.

Jacian noticed that her palm had begun glowing a bit. Something was amiss, he was sure of it. Just as he pulled his blade into more of a defensive position, using it almost like a shield, flames began spewing from Taiana’s palm, sending him flying back a bit. He skidded himself to a stop, keeping his balance as he did, before cutting through the remaining flames with his blade, causing a loud crackle to echo through the area. Though it would have been normal for his sword to be at the very least warped due to the heat, it showed no sign of damage, fire related or otherwise.

Taiana was breathing heavily at this point, slowly lowering her arm. Shit… She had hoped that Jacian would at the very least be forced to switch to his standard rapier due to the attack, but… Nothing. And the fact that this duel was both lasting longer and going harder than any one previously was beginning to take a toll on her. She needed to end this, and soon.

Jacian was beginning to show similar symptoms of fatigue. This needed to end soon… Within the next few clashes, or else they may both simply be too tired to continue. And if that were to happen, then… He would not be able to bring himself to finish this for good. No, there HAD to be a victor; A draw would be unacceptable.

This would be his final charge.

The two locked eyes, brandishing their blades with a final determination. They seemingly both had come to the same conclusion; That this ended now. As they charged at each other from their places across the warehouse, time seemed to slow to a crawl. The distance between them closed, as they began to swing their blades as to lead to the other’s defeat. It seemed as if neither were at an advantage, same as the rest of the duel, until, at the very last possible moment, Taiana once more used her empty left hand; But rather than do anything like before, she used it to intercept Jacian’s blade, receiving a nasty slash on her palm in the process.

Jacian had not expected a maneuver like that, and before he could fully process what had occurred…

Taiana had claimed her victory. Her blade lay mere millimeters from her rival’s jugular, as she panted heavily from a mixture of exhaustion and pain. Her expression remained stern and on guard for a few seconds, but… As soon as she realized what had happened, and what her victory meant, her expression fell away.

Jacian however, remained perfectly calm. He simply tossed his sword to the side, where it hit the ground with a loud clatter of metal against stone. He looked Taiana directly in the eyes, his expression serious and his blue eyes piercing. “To the victor goes the spoils, as they say; You are the victor Taiana. My life is yours to take.”

Neither of them made any move or spoke for the next full minute, though it felt more like an hour. She… Those were the conditions of the duel, but she could not… Her hand began to tremble, as she slowly lowered her blade. “…No. I can’t- No, I won’t take your life Jacian. I… I refuse! How could you expect me to do something like this, after all we have been through together? You’re my friend, I… I care about you! I understand why you have to do this, but… I won, and I refuse to kill you! So… So that’s that!” She had neither realized that she had begun to shout, nor that tears had begun trickling down her face, but she did know that no matter what, she…

She would never be able to bring herself to kill him.

Jacian’s expression remained unchanged, though he did let out a small sigh. “…I expected as much. Well, if that is the case, then… Simply hear me out, Taiana.” He did not even wait for her to respond before he continued. “The past five years, dueling with you, have been… Some of the best times of my life, truth be told. Though they may be marks of my own failure and incompetence, they will for ever be precious to me. As… As will you Taiana. No matter what happens, please…” He moved his right hand to rest on the handle of his sheathed rapier.

…Always know that I love you.”

Before she even had a chance to process his words, Jacian pulled his rapier from its sheathe, though he held it as if it were a knife that he was going to use to stab someone rather than holding it in his usual fashion. And then, without an ounce of hesitation,

He plunged the blade into his own chest, using both of his hands rather than just the one he had grabbed the blade with.

Time slowed as Taiana lunged for the now falling Jacian, whom had been blown back by the force of his own swift stab. Blood splattered against the wall behind him in slow motion as he fell to lean up against it, resulting in what appeared to be a crimson halo around his head. His eyes were closed, and on his face was a smile.

Taiana could not hear it, but she was screaming.

That night, the news would report on two things: How a boy had come home to find his family had been attacked, with a total body count of three dead, one injured and one missing, and how a seemingly fresh pool of blood and two bloody swords had been found in an abandoned warehouse on the outskirts of town, seemingly without any trace of a body or injured party.

#[actual lore?] story post #[white lily knight] jacian von rittedel #[bladed rose] taiana seiryu #[blue sky prince] gabbrielli roi #[pink carnation] georganna roi #[black dahlia] cammylle roi #[sunny bluebells] villette roi #[speed incarnate] fabriano roi #[flower adorned throne] natalio roi #I won't be tagging this until later as to not spoil the characters in it :]#even though it should be apparent what this is by now. i did forshadow a few days ago #:]

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kansascityhappenings · 6 years ago

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Military families angry about damage, thefts during moves

Moving is nothing new for Air Force Senior Master Sgt. Bill Weir’s family, but their latest transfer was the bumpiest yet.

The Italian moving company the military hired to ship their belongings to New Mexico ruined artwork by wife Vennita, a professional artist. The crew boxed paintings with leaky liquid containers, broke a sunflower sculpture and damaged frescos made at a Florence art school. Especially hurtful, Vennita Weir said: The movers destroyed a Rapunzel figurine their 5-year-old daughter received during a Disneyland Paris trip to celebrate her father’s return from Afghanistan.

“How do I tell her that special little figurine we got to commemorate that special day … is gone?” said Weir, who has made three moves in six years with her husband, who has made nine in 24 years of service. “Her Barbie house is broken beyond repair because they just shoved it in a box. There are all these little things.”

Weir is one of several military spouses who told The Associated Press stories of frustration, theft, carelessness and dishonest workers during 2018 transfers, with Bill Weir and others calling this year’s move the worst they have experienced.

About 400,000 American military members and civilian employees will move this year with their families. More than 100,000 military members and supporters have signed an online petition demanding improvement to a system that costs taxpayers $2.2 billion annually.

Organizer Megan Harless, an Army veteran whose husband Aaron is a major, said she posted the petition after her family’s recent move from Fort Leavenworth, Kansas, to Fort Eustis, Virginia. Movers improperly wrapped china, threw boxes carelessly onto the truck, and lost or stole bags containing the couple’s shooting accessories, she said.

“This really is a bad year,” said Harless, whose family has moved nine times in 13 years. Once-isolated problems are now “across all branches, all locations.”

The military has no exact statistics on problem moves but said surveys show a slight drop in satisfaction. Maj. Carla Gleason, a Pentagon spokeswoman, said the issues arise from a nationwide shortage of truck drivers and a low unemployment rate that has “made it very difficult for providers to find quality labor.”

Gleason said the 850 approved contractors are assigned specific jobs using a formula that is 30 percent price and 70 percent previous customer satisfaction. Poorly graded companies are suspended or dropped.

“We are very sympathetic to the sacrifices that our members make and do our best to make sure that high quality providers are moving their possessions. Unfortunately, not every move is perfect,” she said.

When the AP contacted a military families Facebook group about transfer experiences this year, complaints came from across the country.

Traci Mayes handled her family’s move from Jacksonville, Florida, to Naval Station Great Lakes near Chicago while her husband, Petty Officer 1st Class William Mayes, was deployed. With a 6-year-old son and 3-year-old daughter, she was happy when Shur-Way Moving expedited their delivery from October to Aug. 15. But two crates are missing — including a 70-inch television; supplies for her T-shirt business; and her son’s clothes, toys, karate awards and a bank made by his great-grandfather.

“He kept asking me, ‘Are the movers mad at me? Did I do something wrong?’” Mayes said. “Trying to explain that to a 6-year-old is very tough.”

Also missing, she said, are family letters, photos and birth announcements. She filed a claim for $26,000.

Joe Ambrose, a Shur-Way operations manager, apologized for losing Mayes’ belongings but said the company is checking 1,700 storage vaults in hopes of finding them. He doesn’t think they were stolen — company employees must pass background checks and surveillance cameras blanket the warehouse. Sometimes crates are mismarked, he said, or delivered to the wrong person, who dishonestly keeps the goods.

“With the amount of tonnage that is handled in a short time during peak season, which is summer, there are going to be service failures,” he said.

But not all moving companies fully vet their workers, as Navy wife Amy Alvarez learned. After her husband, an enlisted sailor for 18 years, and their 2-year-old daughter arrived in Hawaii from Jacksonville this summer, the couple noticed his supposedly crated iPad had uploaded new photos to their online storage. They didn’t recognize anyone until they saw a Stewart Moving & Storage crew member.

“He stole it. That was the only conclusion we had,” Alvarez said.

She notified Florida authorities, who arrested Charles Fort Jr., 59, on theft charges. Florida Department of Corrections records show he’s served two burglary sentences.

Stewart Moving apologized for the theft, saying in a statement that it doesn’t do background checks on temporary workers like Fort and might stop using temps altogether.

“The people they hire, they need to put a little more thought into it,” Alvarez said angrily.

from FOX 4 Kansas City WDAF-TV | News, Weather, Sports https://fox4kc.com/2018/10/06/military-families-angry-about-damage-thefts-during-moves/

from Kansas City Happenings https://kansascityhappenings.wordpress.com/2018/10/06/military-families-angry-about-damage-thefts-during-moves/

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nslm1954 · 7 years ago

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With the official start of winter only a few days away I thought I’d share the story of Snowman. No, not the tale of Frosty, the snowman that magically came to life, but rather that of a large grey horse whose true story is no less magical than Frosty’s.

Snowman. From Snowman by Rutherford Montgomery (1962). National Sporting Library & Museum, the gift of Hedda von Goeben.

The horse that would become known as Snowman, and who would reach the pinnacle of the show jumping world, came from humble and uncertain beginnings. Likely he was originally employed as a plow horse. The first documented incident of his life was nearly its last. He was at the New Holland horse auction in Pennsylvania and by the end of the day had been sold to the meat buyer and loaded onto a trailer for the ride to the slaughter pens. At this point fate intervened in the form of a late arrival at the auction, Harry de Leyer.

Harry and Snowman. From The Eighty-Dollar Champion, by Elizabeth Letts (2011).

Harry de Leyer was the riding instructor at the Knox School for Girls on Long Island. He had made the drive to New Holland hoping to add a horse or two to his stable but bad weather and car trouble had conspired against him and caused him to miss the auction. As he walked by the trailer headed for the slaughterhouse, he noticed the grey horse and asked to see him. Despite the horse’s poor condition, there was something in his eyes and the cock of his ears that Harry liked the look of. He thought the horse might be turned into a decent lesson horse for his heavier students. He offered the meat buyer $80 for the horse, including delivery to his farm in Long Island. The offer was quickly accepted and instead of a trailer ride to the end of his life, the horse embarked on a second chance life, and he would make the most of it.

From Snowman by Rutherford Montgomery (1962). The gift of Hedda von Goeben.

From The Eighty-Dollar Champion, by Elizabeth Letts.

When the horse arrived at the de Leyer farm the whole family turned out to see him. Snow had started to fall and the children promptly named the horse Snowman. He was in a sorry state but the family was up to the challenge of rehabilitating the horse and it wasn’t too long before he was cleaned up and filled out. Once he was healthy again, Snowman began learning to be a riding horse. He took to the training well and displayed an excellent temperament for a lesson horse. He was deliberate and even tempered with riders. Ideal for beginners who were nervous around high strung Thoroughbreds. Eventually Harry judged him ready to work at the Knox School and Snowman moved from the family farm to the school’s stable. There Harry hoped he would eventually be able to sell the horse to one of the girls. When it became apparent that there would be no buyer Harry decided to return to New Holland and sell Snowman there, but once again fate had other plans.

A local doctor showed up at the farm looking to buy a placid horse for his son. Harry offered to sell him Snowman for $160 and the agreement that if the doctor should ever want to sell the horse, he would bring him back to de Leyer who would pay him $160. All seemed settled until one morning de Leyer discovered Snowman back inside the paddock. He called the doctor who informed him that Snowman had repeatedly jumped over the fence and trampled his neighbor’s garden, despite the doctor raising the height of the fence by a foot. Jumping high obstacles is something that horses generally have to be trained to do, and Harry was intrigued. He had trained many jumpers and wondered at the prospects of an animal that was naturally inclined to the activity. Could he make a show jumper out of him? Harry bought Snowman back from the doctor and got to work.

From The Eighty-Dollar Champion, by Elizabeth Letts, (2011).

After a lot of hard work and training, Harry and Snowman began competing on the show jumping circuit. Initially the chunky former plow horse was mocked as he paraded out along with the elegant Thoroughbred jumpers, but laughter soon turned to astonishment and then to enthusiastic support as Snowman let his jumping do the talking for him. Harry and Snowman continued to succeed as they progressed through the jumping circuit and eventually they arrived at Madison Square Garden for the championship meet at the National Horse Show.

From The Eighty-Dollar Champion, by Elizabeth Letts, (2011).

Americans love an underdog and by now the Cinderella story of the plow horse turned show jumper had gripped the public’s imagination. Harry and Snowman even appeared on the Tonight Show, where Johnny Carson retold their story for a national audience. The competition lasts a week and by the final contest Snowman was one point behind the leader. As if in a scripted movie, Harry and Snowman flew to victory! Snowman was the 1958 Champion. And as if to prove it wasn’t a fluke, he repeated his victory the following year and was Champion of 1959 as well. Snowman toured Europe and the United States and officially retired in 1969 at a ceremony at Madison Square Garden. He lived the rest of his life at the de Leyer farm where his fans continued to visit him. Snowman died in 1974.

From Snowman by Rutherford Montgomery (1962). The gift of Hedda von Goeben.

Snowman’s story has been chronicled in numerous books, one of which, The Eighty-Dollar Champion, was written by John H. Daniels Fellow, Elizabeth Letts here at the NSLM. In this trailer for the documentary, Harry & Snowman, you can see the pair in action. In 1992 Snowman was inducted into the Show Jumper Hall of Fame, and he has been commemorated as a Breyer Horse figurine.

Snowman as a Breyer Horse figurine. From http://www.breyerhorses.com/snowman

If you would like to read more about this amazing horse and his partnership with Harry de Leyer drop into the Main Reading Room and I can show you a couple of books.

Erica Libhart has served as the Mars Technical Services Librarian at the National Sporting Library & Museum (NSLM) since early 2016. The focus of her position is collection services, working to increase accessibility to NSLM’s collection of books, periodicals, and archival materials. The NSLM collections span over 350 years of the history of equestrian sport, as well as fly fishing, wing shooting, and other field sports. Have a question? Contact Erica by e-mail

Snowman With the official start of winter only a few days away I thought I'd share the story of Snowman.

#Show jumping #Snowman

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trendingnewsb · 7 years ago

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5 Sucky Things That Suck On Purpose

This may come as a surprise, but I like it when things don’t suck. In fact, I would say that I devote 80 percent of my efforts toward avoiding suckage. Sadly, though, I can’t control the actions of others, and I won’t ever be able to until The Device is perfected. But until then, some people make shitty things, and the rest of us have to deal with it. And while we can comfort ourselves with the knowledge that everyone makes mistakes as we eat a pizza which inexplicably arrived topped with double olives and pineapple, there’s no solace in the knowledge that some people do shitty things entirely on purpose. On that note, here are five terrible things which people made fully knowing that they’d be terrible.

The Google Glass Battery

If you were sober or literate in 2013 and 2014, you may have had to endure the deluge of tech profiles and extremely not-boring thinkpieces on Google Glass. If you could not in fact read or legally drive in 2013 and 2014, Google Glass was basically Google’s answer to the question “What’s a super expensive piece of shit I can intrusively wear on my face which will obscure my vision and make anyone around me fearful that I’m videotaping them like some kind of creeper?” You know, a question that we’ve all asked.

While most of us immediately dismissed Glass as being about as appealing as a herpes scab parfait, there were naturally a few fans who couldn’t wait to be the dollar store version of Geordi LaForge. But even amongst those die-hard tech fluffers, there was a clear issue: Glass had a battery that sucked like a leech in the coldest recesses of the vacuum of space.

The battery life of Google Glass clocked in at around 45 minutes, meaning that you had just enough time to stream yourself watching one episode of Young Sheldon and then crying about it afterwards before it shut off. Google tried to explain this away as an intentional design feature that was actually beneficial and not an example of a battery assembled by a one-eyed guy in an flea market who smells like cats.

According to Google, your cellphone is just a dangerous espionage device constantly listening to you from your pants pocket and maybe sending all that sweet, sweet pants gossip back to Samsung or the Kingsmen or whoever the fuck cares what you’re doing. So in an effort to heroically protect you from filthy spies, Google intentionally made a shitty battery so that the New World Order agents will only be able to watch half of your masturbation session before they’re left hanging. Suck it, dickholes! You’ll never know how this one ends!*

*Hastily, with a climactic yawp.

Low-Quality Viral Commercials

In 2011, the internet was blessed with one of the worst commercials for a taxidermy business that anyone had ever seen. I say this not as a connoisseur of taxidermy ads, but as a logical human being. Also, do taxidermy places really need commercials? What more needs to be said, other than “Hey! Do you like wolves, but hate the bitey, movey kinds?”

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This commercial for Ojai Valley Taxidermy featured the one-two punch of Chuck Testa’s taxidermy skill and acting, and made us all fall in love with the stuffed corpse of a coyote and the overall awfulness of the entire experience. It was poorly made, clearly cheap, and its only redeeming quality was that all of the badness made it charming as hell. Chuck Testa became an internet hero. And it was all bullshit.

Testa is just one of many viral commercial stars made famous for being in videos often shared as “the worst commercial I’ve ever seen.” One commercial for a mall from 2014 featured employees singing a jingle that sounded like a cross between 3 a.m. barf-in-your-own-shoe-drunk karaoke and a cat stuck in a well. It sucked large, and people went nuts about it.

youtube

For a local business trying to drum up some attention, you have two options: Legitimately make a forgettable, boring, low-budget commercial which blandly explains whatever you’re trying to sell, or roll the dice on potentially going viral by making an abomination. Create such an abysmal crime against advertising that the sun refuses to shine when the video is playing and birds immediately stop singing and synchronize-shit on your car. Make it so bad that everyone immediately shares it with everyone they know. And then your craptastic commercial becomes an internet sensation.

They say people are ten times as likely to share a bad experience with a business than a good one. People like to complain more than they like to praise, probably because if something goes right, it fits in with your expectations and is therefore unremarkable. It’s only when things go wrong that you get worked up and make a stink over it. So when you see a commercial that damn near offends you with its utter fuckshittery, you’ll share that monstrosity with everyone. And that’s exactly what they want.

Web Brutalism

When I first got the internet in my house as a kid, we got a state-of-the-art, badass, lightning-fast 56k modem. I could download an MP3 in like ten minutes, and sometimes an entire dirty picture would load up before something went buggy and the poor woman was cut off at the knees. And seven out of every ten websites looked like a low-res My Little Pony pony ralphed cotton candy and Four Loko across a small-town church bulletin board.

As time passed, we all grew up and became better people with better websites. Dancing baby GIFs gave way to interstitial ads and Flash videos. Designs that looked like they were made by a guy with vinegar in his eyes working in the dark faded away, and sleek, professionally designed mega porn sites took their place. It was a great time to be alive. Or so we thought, because I guess people got sick of things that don’t look like shit and Web Brutalism was born.

If the terribly cheesy name didn’t give it away, Web Brutalism is a kind of artsy shitsy internet aesthetic. You purposefully make your website look like the south end of a northbound horse. Ugly, disorganized graphics, shockingly off-putting colors, a veritable dumpster of design techniques shat out onto a screen — if your site doesn’t look a fourth-grader’s glue and cardboard collage, you’ve failed.

A classically bad website was designed on Angelfire by your aunt who collects figurines of Jesus playing sports when she wanted to do something to commemorate her love of beat poetry. Some links were unclickable, images didn’t quite line up right, and it had charm in the same way your macaroni artwork had charm to your mom, who never told you that it looked like shit because she loved you. By the way, your macaroni art looked like shit. It’s cool, though, mine looked like the shit that shit takes after eating shit sandwiches. And somehow, someone decided a forced version of that was a good idea.

Web Brutalism seeks to make a website harder to navigate and uglier to look at than a fine, upstanding site, like the one you’re currently enjoying. Why? The answer is best summed up in this quote I heard from a guy in a bar once: “Fuckin’ because.”

Bioware’s Female Designs

Back in the day when I had an NES, there were basically two female characters you could name across the spectrum of video game characters: Princesses Peach and Zelda, and I don’t even think Zelda was actually in her game. But I did beat Super Mario Bros. 2, and Peach helped a brother out on that one, so yeah, you could say I’m like a video game feminist or some such. Which is why Bioware’s curious history with female characters is such a headscratcher.

Bioware makes some pretty impressive-looking games, like Mass Effect, and the character designs are amazing. There is a definite problem with some of them, though, insofar as that amazingness is in how straight up nuts-on-a-donkey ugly they are.

When Mass Effect: Andromeda was released, fans were quick to notice that the male version of the player character, Ryder, looks super badass and cool and almost exactly like the male model who lent his likeness to the game designers. The female version of Ryder looks like the model if you rolled her in a sack of sadness and didn’t let her sleep for four days while feeding her a straight diet of CHUD.

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So why, if you have the ability to render characters in a way that makes them look like not vaguely emotive ballsacks, would you make your character look like a vaguely emotive ballsack? This one requires a bit of creative tinkering in the ol’ thinky bag, but it does make sense. Female characters in gaming, as you may be aware, have a bit of a lackluster history in terms of realistic representation. After Princess Peach, the next big name in lady characters was Lara Croft, who was at first presented as polygonal boobs on blocks, and then later as well-vectored boobs on well-vectored short pants. And thus began a tradition of most video game women being little more than boobs and confusion. So maybe Bioware makes their female characters less appealing on purpose so as to not be considered sexist or douchey.

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Bioware has never come out and said they’ve made purposefully ugly characters. They have acknowledged abhorrent animation issues and terrible facial expressions which they set to work on fixing, but fans were all pretty convinced that there had to be more behind the distractingly objectionable visages of the female characters. As noted gamer nerd and feminist Lisa Kerzner argues in her video, it looks an awful lot like Bioware put considerable effort into downplaying the character’s face to make her more of an ugmo hero type (but just in the face), while trying to pawn it off as a technical limitation. Despite the fact that numerous other games can feature women who don’t look like victims of barnyard mad science, including a lot of Bioware’s previous games.

Unfortunately, dealing with matters of sex, sexism, and gender in video games is like opening a bag of cat shit lined with explosive squibs right in your damn face. If you recall anything to do with Gamergate, you know this is ground no one wants to tread on, so you almost can’t blame Bioware for not saying jack shit about it, as you don’t want to feed any trolls. But at the same time, when it’s obvious that they can make a nearly identical male character, there’s clearly a reason they’re not putting that same kind of effort into their females.

Scam Email Grammar

Usually when I send emails, I spell the multi-syllable words incorrectly and use grammar that’s about as fucked as a friction-burnt Fleshlight. But that’s my own bugaboo to deal with, and has little-to-no bearing on the world of scam email.

The odds of you having never received a Nigerian scam email are slimmer than Slender Man’s weird dick, which I’ll tell you about sometime if you buy me a few beers. But for the sake of the kids in the audience who are reading this on the wall I inscribe all my articles on and have never received email before, a Nigerian scam email is a poorly worded piece of fuckery that shows up in your inbox claiming to be from some African prince who has millions of dollars tied up in banks overseas, and if you could just help pay some transfer fees, you can keep a buttload of it!

Typically, these emails use terrible grammar and atrocious spelling, not because the person sending you the email is a blithering idiot, but because they need you to be so gullible that you believe a Wakandan prince personally sent you a one-way ticket to being a millionaire, and he typed the message with a greasy turkey leg in his hand while riding a homemade roller coaster.

Most of us can identify a scam email right away. Another subsection of people will be suspicious but interested. And an even smaller division will write back to test the waters. The scammers want nothing to do with any of those people. They want the person who immediately responds with their bank account number in the signature line, because they only want to deal with people who may have mistaken a ham bone for Tony Danza more than once in their lives. So don’t be too proud if you recognize right away that someone sent you a weak as shit attempt at ripping you off; they just didn’t want you to waste their time.

Ian’s Twitter is awesome on purpose. Go look.

Does Troll 2 suck on purpose? Find out for yourself, and go down the rabbit hole of recommendations like Samurai Cop and more!