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beepboop358 · 3 years ago

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A Prom in S4 Theory & Music Coding Predictions

Some leaked set pics indicate that there MAY BE a junior/senior prom at Hawkins High, which they are calling the "Lover's Ball". It's unclear if this prom will be included on screen, or if it will just be mentioned as an event coming up at Hawkins High because this flyer could just extra set decor. Regardless if the prom happens on screen or not, there will probably be some tension about 'who's asking who' to the prom that we will see in s4. Given that this picture was just leaked a few weeks ago, it probably falls closer to the end of the season sequentially.

Having a big school dance in s4 is suspiciously close to how they had the Snowball scene in s2. This would certainly follow the even/odd season patterns, (and actually add to the list of the patterns), which kind of makes me think we will see this prom on screen, or at the very least it will be mentioned in the course of the season.

The Duffer Brothers love Steven King and reference his work and especially 'IT' a lot in the show, but they haven't done anything with Carrie yet so maybe we will get a Carrie moment this season at the prom...

Carrie was on the video store fridays movie inspiration board for ST4.

At the "Lover's Ball", there will be definitely be some music coding relating to Byler. Since music coding is kind of a key thing in the show, I've been rifling through 80's songs to try and find some that may fit with s4's themes/character storylines (and I may do a seperate post about that later), but for this post I'm just gonna focus on what they might use at the prom for relating to Byler.

Since the season is most likely going to take place in 1986, I only selected songs that had a compatible release year so it would be historically accurate. (these songs would also be great for a byler playlist!)

Some strong contenders for the songs that might play at the prom to reference Mike and Will's relationship could be:

"True Colors" by Cyndi Lauper (1986)

This song is honestly too good of an option for them not to use. I'm reallllyyy crossing my fingers for this one.

It's hard to take courage In a world full of people You can lose sight of it all And the darkness inside you Can make you feel so small

"And I see your true colors Shining through I see your true colors And that's why I love you So don't be afraid (don't be afraid) To let them show your true colors True colors are beautiful (you're beautiful, oh) Like a rainbow Oh oh oh oh oh like a rainbow"

If this world makes you crazy And you've taken all you can bear You call me up Because you know I'll be there

"Heaven" by Bryan Adams (1984)

This first verse is literally just the story of Byler... 😭 The rest of the song applies but that verse verse is just sooooo accurate. (I'm crossing my fingers for this one too)

"Oh thinkin' about all our younger years There was only you and me We were young and wild and free Now nothing can take you away from me We've been down that road before But that's over now You keep me comin' back for more

Baby you're all that I want When you're lyin' here in my arms I'm findin' it hard to believe We're in heaven And love is all that I need And I found it there in your heart Isn't too hard to see We're in heaven

Oh once in your life you find someone Who will turn your world around Bring you up when you're feelin' down Yeah nothin' can change what you mean to me Oh there's lots that I could say But just hold me now 'Cause our love will light the way"

"Take My Breath Away" by Berlin (1986)

This song is on Will's Spotify playlist, and I thought it could also be used at the prom since it's a romantic song. I see it as an 'entrance to the prom' moment song, almost like a 'first look' - like the Mike and El moment at the snowball when she first walks in, but with Mike and Will this time. I think the lyrics clearly hint to this kind of 'first look' moment as well.

"Watchin' every motion in my foolish lover's game On this endless ocean, finally lovers know no shame Turning and returning to some secret place inside Watchin' in slow motion as you turn around and say...take my breath away"

Watchin' every motion in this foolish lover's game Haunted by the notion, somewhere there's a love in flames Turning and returning to some secret place inside Watchin' in slow motion as you turn my way and say...take my breath away"

"In The Air Tonight" by Phil Collins (1981)

This song was originally meant to be included in the snowball scene from s2, but it ultimately was not used and "Every Breath You Take" was used for this scene instead. Since it was intended to be a part of the s2 dance, that's why I think it may be used at the prom this season. (you can read the scripts on 8flix)

——— I forgot to include this explanation originally BUT, I think this song might be used to show some anger/resentment between the two, and to show a decent amount of tension, depending on their development this season. Like maybe Mike is kind of leading Will on in private by continuing to initiate intimate scenes between them, but in public Mike is still trying to put on his “straight boy act” and kind of being a jackass about it, and this song could be used to show the tension between them that has caused.

"And I've been waiting for this moment, for all my life, (Oh lord)

Well, I was there and I saw what you did I saw it with my own two eyes So you can wipe off that grin, I know where you've been It's all been a pack of lies.

Well I remember, I remember don't worry How could I ever forget It's the first time, the last time we ever met But I know the reason why you keep this silence up

No you don't fool me The hurt doesn't show, but the pain still grows It's no stranger to you and me"

"In Your Eyes" by Peter Gabriel (1986)

Some of the lyrics in this song just SCREAMS byler, just look at the 1st, 2nd and 4th paragraphs. I would be suprised if they didn't use this song in either s4/s5.

Love, I get so lost sometimes Days pass and this emptiness fills my heart When I want to run away I drive off in my car But whichever way I go I come back to the place you are

All my instincts, they return The grand facade, so soon will burn Without a noise, without my pride I reach out from the inside

In your eyes The light, the heat (in your eyes) I am complete (in your eyes) I see the doorway (in your eyes) To a thousand churches (in your eyes) The resolution (in your eyes) Of all the fruitless searches (in your eyes)

Love, I don't like to see so much pain So much wasted and this moment keeps slipping away I get so tired working so hard for our survival I look to the time with you to keep me awake and alive

"Heroes" by David Bowie (1975)

David Bowie was bisexual. A cover of his song “Heroes” is used in the show twice already, sung by Peter Gabriel. The song plays when they pull Will's fake body out of the water in season one and Mike cries in his Mom's arms, with some very queer-coded lyrics in the background, and after Hopper's letter in s3 (which is very Byler-centric)

"I will be king. And you, you will be queen 'Cause we're lovers, and that is a fact. Yes, we're lovers, and that is that. Though nothing will keep us together. We could steal time just for one day We can be heroes forever and ever. What d'you say? I, I wish I could swim, like dolphins, like dolphins could swim I, I can remember (I remember) Standing by the wall (By the wall) And the guns shot above our heads (Over our heads) And we kissed as though nothing could fall (Nothing could fall) And the shame was on the other side. Oh, we can beat them forever and ever. Then we could be heroes just for one day We're nothing, and nothing will help us Maybe we're lying, then you better not stay But we could be safer just for one day"

I just thought the above songs might be some highly likely possibilities given that they fit the year of the s4 and also make references to not only love, but the idea of hiding, pain, shame, longing, etc., and can make some (partially stretching here) references to other things in the show such as:

RAINBOWS and TRUE COLORS, SHINING THROUGH (rainbows imagery is always associated with Mike & Will in the show and a is symbol of lgbtq+ pride, True Colors shining through = who you really are on the inside finally coming out)

IF THIS WORLD MAKES YOU CRAZY ("crazy together", "only love makes you that crazy" and references the "world" motif in the show)

YOUNGER YEARS, ONLY YOU AND ME, YOUNG, WILD AND FREE (references "not wanting things to change" and wanting "to make things go how they were" part in Hopper's letter, and the "But we're not kids anymore" comment during the Byler fight)

ENDLESS OCEAN and SWIM, LIKE DOLPHINS (references water's significance in the show)

FLAMES (Will in front of the burning car in s4 teaser?)

LIES and LYING (Mike lying to El about how he feels)

INSTINCTS RETURNING, FACADES BURNING, WITHOUT MY PRIDE, I REACH OUT FROM THE INSIDE (Mike's feelings for Will are his instincts, the facade is the act he put on in s3 to seem straight, burning could reference Will & fire, and I think the last 2 lines of that 2nd verse reference vulnerability- perhaps in an apology/confession)

I GET SO LOST (confusion about his sexuality, feeling lost without the other) and SO MUCH WASTED TIME (known each other since kindergarten but were unaware the other felt the same way/was dealing with same things, they could have been even closer)

KINGS and QUEENS (the d&d game mike wrote where he has king Tristan give him a medal in s1)

STEALING TIME (references "turning back the clock, to make things go how they were" part in Hopper's letter and the time theme in s4 and time is central to the s4 plot)

AND WE KISS - AND THE SHAME (references the shame they both feel about being gay since it was so stigmatized in the 80's)

Byler @ Prom Possibilities:

If Mike and Will did dance together at the prom, they will probably get bullied because they live in a small conservative town. They will probably either run out, upset, or Eleven will step in to protect them which could lead to the Carrie moment.

Or Mike and Will will not dance together in the actual dance room, but instead sneak off to somewhere else in the school and have a private Byler dance moment where they can't be teased and it's just them together.

OR Mike and Will are still acting weird at this point in the season because neither of them is communicating what needs to be said out of fear, or one of them has confessed or done something to indicate how they feel, but the other hasn’t so everything is weird between them. There would be lots of tension from this and we would get lots of longing looks and adoring moments between the two of them from the sidelines. (I think this one is the most likely)

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dgcatanisiri · 4 years ago

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I won’t say this is my last word on the subject of Legendary Edition bullshit, because... Well, I know myself enough to be able to say that I NEVER have a last word, I’ll always want to rant again later on. But let’s just make this a sort of master post of the issues overall.

So... Is it fair to hold a game that is a good roughly fifteen years old to the standards of the present? Not inherently. So if the games were being produced in any sort of unedited format, that it was a strict translation, 1:1 ratio, of the original to the remaster... Honestly, I’d still be bitter as all get out, for reasons I’ll expound on in a minute. But it could at least SEEM justified. I could consider it the kind of thing that would be expected - if KOTOR got a remaster today, I would not expect that Carth and Bastila would be made into bi love interests, or Juhani would have her romance patched up so that it has the same level of detail and attention as the het romances. If Jade Empire were remastered, I wouldn’t be surprised to see Sky or Silk Fox’s same sex romances adapted so that the straight romances had to be closed out first. That is the kind of thing that, on a functional, practical level, I could understand. Doing a translation from old hardware, the old engine, I get the PRACTICAL reasoning for not making things better. I still object to this on the moral level, to say nothing of the representational one. But PRACTICALLY, I see why - y’know, there’s only so much financial resources going in, and changing things like romances, even if justified, means doing new writing and getting the voice cast back in, which has complications the longer since a game’s original release - actors retire or even die, the passage of time changes voices (like listen to the difference of the exact same lines by James Earl Jones between both versions of the Lion King). Even without those complications, that means paying them, which, in the production of video games, for everything that goes in, something else must go out. So that is the practical argument.

BUT!

But.

But, the thing is, even apart from everything else that I’ll get in to shortly, is that there have been a lot of claims from BioWare about inclusion. There have also been A LOT. of homophobic bullshit from BioWare and Mass Effect. And yes, I’m calling it like I see it.

Because we had the game that followed Jade Empire, with a M/M romance option, be Mass Effect, with NO M/M romance option (but FemShep and Liara could bang - the writing obviously favored the MaleShep portrayal, given that there was no marketing use of FemShep until ME3, and we had ME2 give priority to having loyalty conflicts between MALE Shepard’s romances, but not Female Shepard’s, and we even had BioWare hem and haw about how “well, the asari are monogender, so they’re not TECHNICALLY women, so it’s not REALLY lesbians...”). Because the official claim is that they just “didn’t think about it” in time to have these options included in Mass Effect 1. Because we’ve had writers now come out that Jacob Taylor was originally written as a gay man, but in the game itself was a straight man. Because there are plenty of women who throw themselves at Male Shepard, and Shepard is animated with having Significant Looks™ with these women, but not a single man who expresses any interest in him, until ME3 finally offers SOMETHING, which came to just Kaidan and Cortez.

Because we had one of BioWare’s heads, one of BioWare’s founders, say in an interview right around the release of Mass Effect 2 say “Shepard is too predefined a character to be gay.”

That is what I mean by homophobic bullshit.

And I haven’t even started on Mass Effect Andromeda.

And I’m gonna start on Mass Effect Andromeda now.

So after ME3, after Kaidan and Cortez were actually romances, we honestly gave them a lot of faith - they got the message, we said. They understood that they couldn’t just cut out M/M romance in the game, we said. They didn’t need to have the constant observation that demanded they provide good representation, we said.

And then they cut Jaal’s bisexuality, leaving him straight on release, without even a chance to flirt and be turned down, the bisexual male character who did remain not only was planet bound, he also is a character who a solid argument can be made that he falls into the trope of the Depraved Bisexual, a trope that over in Dragon Age, Patrick Weekes specifically said that they wanted to avoid and so didn’t make a character bisexual because of that. And the gay man is not only almost totally disconnected from the game (aside from one point in the plot, he can be avoided entirely and is not included in almost any other group setting among the Tempest crew), he is also an accessory in his own plot line, which was also heavily criticized for being intensely homophobic. And of these, the only thing BioWare deigned to change was Jaal’s bisexuality. (Which, personal note, I’m uncomfortable with personally, because as it’s implemented, it just feels kind of afterthought-y. Much like Kaidan’s in ME3, being unchanged from a new FemShep romance, despite the active inability to romance him in ME1.)

So it is not just a matter of “you have the ability, you’re changing other things, you should do this.” I mean, that is absolutely there - the mods exist for the original game, to the point of being able to even get the romance scene to fire right without Shepard’s gender magically changing once the clothes come off. (I have a vague memory of, at some point, probably around the “too predefined” comment, that being another excuse, that there was difficulty with having the models play nice with one another in that scene.)

But this is about addressing a pattern of behavior on the part of BioWare, that they have to be dragged, kicking and screaming, to the bare minimum that their own statements on matters of representation and inclusion claim they aspire to. That if the fans are not actively holding their feet to the fire, they are GOING to take their fans for granted - “you don’t get better quality content elsewhere, we’re your only choice!” But “only” choice is not a “good” choice. It’s not a choice with quality.

So if we don’t make a big damn deal about this now, when they have a chance - when they have a CHOICE - to make things better, to provide better representation, to correct the mistakes of the past... What will we get in the future? How will they backtrack on this in the future? How will they exclude us in the game they just announced a few months back? How will they continue to tell us that they don’t want gay people in this setting?

Look, I don’t use these words lightly. But that is, whether it’s a conscious attitude at all or not, what they are telling us. By not including us, by making us optionally involved, by making us disposable within our own stories, by cutting out our content, they are saying that they do not envision a world, a future, that includes queer men.

And anyone who does not speak up, does not condemn this, does not demand that they DO. BETTER... That is tacit approval and agreement. Because you’re saying that things as they are now - the removal and undermining of our content, of our EXISTENCE in these games - are perfectly fine and acceptable.

And yeah, I’m sure that reading that has probably made some people mad, believe I’m being unfair by saying that, because it’s going to push away allies. Thing is, and this is one of the things that always comes up in anything even tangentially activism related... THIS ISN’T ABOUT THE FEELINGS OF THE ALLIES. This is about listening to the people who are being hurt and saying “you don’t deserve to be hurt this way, things need to change.”

BioWare needs to change its approach. And, as we have seen, it does not come just because of a handful of angry queers, demanding to be represented in their games. It comes because of the community at large calling them out and saying “this isn’t right. What you have done is not right, and we are calling on you to fix it. To do better.”

Don’t just stand there and shrug this off. Because evidence tells us that if they aren’t called out on this now, the next game will not be better. And we will be in this exact same place, having this exact same argument, all over again, in a few years when the next Mass Effect game comes out. When the queer men are given the shortest end of the stick again, and people who are right now saying “what do you expect from a remaster?” will either suddenly turn around and go “I don’t know why BioWare would do something so homophobic” or, worse, “well, it’s something, I don’t see why you’re upset.”

We’re upset because we keep having this argument. And we are going to keep having this argument until people are willing to actually DEMAND that things be better. This is the chance to make things better now.

At this point, a post-release patch that includes a Male Shepard/Kaidan romance in ME1 that is tracked through to the following games is a bare minimum fix, a change done to make it clear that BioWare understands their mistakes in the past and want to make things BETTER.

It may not be easy, but genuinely fixing problems never is. But it’s work that needs to be done.

#dg rants #bioware critical #mass effect #mass effect critical #dg gets pissed #another angry queer rant

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introvertguide · 4 years ago

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Bonnie and Clyde (1967); AFI #42

The next film that we covered for the group was the period true- crime drama, Bonnie and Clyde (1967). It is the story of the notorious Barrow gang, led by Clyde Barrow and Bonnie Parker, during the American Great Depression. This film features a cavalcade of some of Hollywood's biggest actors including Warren Beatty, Faye Dunaway, and Gene Hackman. It is supposedly quite accurate because some of the witnesses and even a couple of the gang members of the actual crimes were still alive during the production of the film. Actress Estelle Parsons won Best Supporting Actress for he portrayal of Blanche Barrow, which I would like to comment on. I also want to speak a little to the accuracy of the story, but first I want to spoil the plot of the film.

SPOILER WARNING!!!! I AM GOING TO REVEAL THE WHOLE MOVIE SO I CAN COMPARE TO WHAT I LEARNED ABOUT THE ACTUAL HISTORY!!! THE MOVIE AND THE REAL LIFE STORY WILL BE SPOILED COMPLETELY!!! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!!

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In the middle of the Great Depression, Clyde Barrow (Warren Beatty) and Bonnie Parker (Faye Dunaway) of Texas meet when Clyde tries to steal the car belonging to Bonnie's mother. Clyde had spotted Bonnie hanging out in her room naked from the heat, and she spotted him watching her and was intrigued by the danger. Bonnie is bored by her job as a waitress, which Clyde correctly guesses, and decides to take up with him and become his partner in crime. They pull off some weak crimes including a bank heist at a location that has been hit by the depression and there is no money. Clyde actually makes the teller come out to the escape car and tell Bonnie what the deal is and she just laughs at the situation.

The pair find an extra man in a worldly ignorant but mechanically inclined gas station attendant named C.W. Moss (Michael Pollard). Clyde apparently has a way with words because people just join him for no real reason besides being bored. Clyde's older brother Buck (Gene Hackman) and his wife, Blanche (Estelle Parsons), a preacher's daughter, also join them. The two women dislike each other at first sight because Bonnie thinks that Blanche will ruin their fun (she does) and Blanche believes that Bonnie is evil and wants to get rid of her (she does). Keep in mind while watching this that Estelle Parsons won the Academy Award for Best Supporting Actress for this portrayal.

Bonnie and Clyde turn from pulling small-time heists to robbing banks since they now have a full gang. Their exploits also become more violent when C.W. comically botches a bank robbery when he sees an open parking spot and decides to parallel park. He can't get out of the space quickly and he delays their escape, forcing Clyde to shoot the bank manager in the face when he jumps onto the slow-moving car's running board. The gang is pursued by law enforcement, including Texas Ranger Frank Hamer (Denver Pyle), whom they capture and humiliate by taking his photo and setting afloat on a little dingy on a nearby river.

The group likes to switch out cars because they treat the getaway vehicles very rough. When they are seen stealing a car by its owner, a young man named Eugene Grizzard (Gene Wilder) and his girlfriend Velma Davis (Evans Evans), the robbed couple attempt to follow the stolen car. The gang stops and takes the couple hostage in the chase car and even pull over to get some burgers. They let the couple go when they find out they are in their 30s (too old apparently) and find a roadside stop. A raid later that night catches the outlaws off guard, mortally wounding Buck with a shot to his head and injuring Blanche so she can't see. Bonnie, Clyde, and C.W. barely escape alive. With Blanche sightless and in police custody, Hamer tricks her into revealing C.W.'s name, which they use to find any safe places where the remaining gang might go (until then, C.W. was only an "unidentified suspect").

Hamer locates Bonnie, Clyde, and C.W. hiding at the house of C.W.'s father Ivan (Dub Taylor), who thinks the couple have corrupted his son (as evidenced by an ornate tattoo that Bonnie convinced C.W. to get). The elder Moss strikes a bargain with Hamer: in exchange for leniency for the boy, he helps set a trap for the outlaws. When Bonnie and Clyde stop on the side of the road to help Mr. Moss fix a flat tire, the police in the bushes open fire and riddle them with bullets. Hamer and his posse come out of hiding and look pensively at the couple's bodies as a nearby flock of swallows fly away.

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This film stood out as it was a comical version of the super violent gangster films that were popular in the 30s. Storywriters David Newman and Robert Benton wanted to punch up the violence with a romantic undertone so they sent the script to French New Wave director Francois Truffaut for contributions. Warren Beatty was visiting Paris and heard about the project then decided he wanted to produce the picture. He was going to have his sister, Shirley MacLaine, play the roll of Bonnie until he decided that he was going to play the part of Clyde. That would have been really awkward, so he tried find a lead actress that he could have a romantic scene with. Many actresses were approached and Faye Dunaway was eventually chosen for the part.

Beatty decided that they needed an American director and offered that job to a plethora of established directors in Hollywood and finally landed on Arthur Penn even after he turned down the position multiple times. What it all comes down to is that not a lot of people wanted to be part of this production. It was considered somewhat of a risky art film at the time because of the questionable sexuality of Clyde and the heavy violence.

So what was so risky? Looking at films that were made only a few later, this seems rather tame. This film came out just a little before the MPAA was established and the writers had been influenced by the French films that didn't have the same restrictive film rules that were present in the United States. It was originally proposed that Clyde be played as bisexual, but the script eventually called for him to be more asexual. The real Clyde Barrow had been sexually assaulted in prison so he would have been scarred by that experience and might not have been interested in Bonnie in that way. This depth into a character's sexuality had generally been avoided in American cinema before this film and there was concern about audience reactions. They shouldn't have worried because the movie was a sleeper hit, eventually making $75 million on a $2.5 million budget.

The number of graphic murders actually shown on screen (especially when Clyde shot a guy in the face who jumped on the car during a get away) was unprecedented at the time. There was also some dismay by critics about the portrayal of Bonnie as sleazy and the whole gang as somewhat stupid. These were a bunch of uneducated folks that grew up in a time when it was more important to find a job. They were smart enough to avoid capture for years, which is shown in the movie, so they had to have some sort of intelligence.

There is a little bit of an elephant in the room with this movie and it involves the historical accuracy. The dates and crimes are well documented and a lot was known about the characters when the movie was produced. However, a major part of the movie was speculation and fabrication about the personalities in the gang. The characters that were based on living people at the time were actually the least accurate as C.W. Moss was a fictional person based on two different gang members (one who was still alive) and the actions of Blanche Barrow were based on a different member of the gang. The real Blanche Barrow lived until the 1980s and famously complained that Parsons's portrayal "made [her] look like a screaming horse's ass!" Parsons is the one the went on to win Best Supporting Actress.

This film was much more enjoyable for me on second watch. The first viewing left me hating the character of Blanche and I wondered if there was some sort of conspiracy to get that actress an Oscar. On second view, I realize that she was necessary to be a foil to the gang. There had to be a weak link in the chain and the audience knew that she would be the downfall of the group. Her presence made the police encounters all the more intense because there was this crazy wild card that could ruin everything at any time. It really adds a touch of comedy along with a bigger element of suspense. She is annoying, but enjoyable, and the people around her react to her behavior in a realistic way, so I appreciate what the character brings to the table.

I would highly suggest looking into the real life of Bonnie and Clyde along with the whole Barrow Gang because they took major advantage of the Great Depression banks, but not so much the suffering people. To some, the members of the Barrow gang were considered celebrities or even heroes because they were getting back at the banks that had mishandled so many people's money. I started my search off with this nice article on the Encyclopedia Britannica site and dug deeper to find out more about the connections between the real people and the film:

https://www.britannica.com/biography/Bonnie-and-Clyde-American-criminals

So does this film belong on the AFI top 100? I absolutely think so. It has some connections to French New Wave, but it is American directed with American actors and it tells the story of some of the most notorious criminals in American history. It is also a very good film that won Oscars and was a box office success. Bonnie and Clyde are part of Americana and were almost the equivalent of a Robin Hood character to many at the time. Would I recommend this film? I would. Keep an eye out for the Blanche character because she can be annoying, but know she serves a purpose and the movie is not all about her. The connection between Bonnie and Clyde is epic and has influenced a lot of American films, so enjoy it for the cinematic quality, the history in film, and the history of the United States.

#bonnie and clyde #true crime #crime drama #warren beatty #faye dunaway #introvert #introverts #classic cinema #AFI top 100 #crime couples #famous criminals

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whistlesanbells · 4 years ago

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Community Headcanons

Just a random list of headcanons I have, organized by character (feat. A lot of Britta x Annie)

Jeff

I saw someone mention that Jeff might have an ED, and given what we see with his relationship with food, and how he is willing to go as far as to hurt himself to be the best at something (in this case be the best looking) it makes a lot of sense.

A lot of people headcanon Jeff as bi but honestly I just take him as cishet. He has many many issues but I don’t think sexuality is one of them, because half his personality is his attraction to every woman that breathes lmao

Exudes top energy but really the minute someone else tops him, he gets insecure for a bit but ends up really liking it.

Britta

Raging bisexual. I feel like she’s known for a long time, but never told the group because it would just be another thing for them to poke fun of about her.

In the same vein, I believe Britta’s parents were very homophobic, and that’s why she cut ties. I think she came out to them at a younger age and it was messy. It would make sense that she would refuse to tell the group why she didn’t get along with her parents: because she wasn’t ready to come out to the group yet. Instead it gets framed as her just rebelling for no reason.

We hear almost nothing about Britta’s past, except for a few offhand comments about a dinosaur-related trauma. Britta is incredibly quick to deny talking about her past, which led me to believe that she has some kind of trauma. Personally, I believe she was r*ped in her childhood, which would explain her extra effort to comfort troy when he lied about it. It would also explain why she is so fervently for women’s rights, especially when it has to do with bodily autonomy.

Dyslexic!Britta makes so much sense to me, because her parents were likely unsupportive, so she didn’t get much help or accommodations in school at a young age. This probably led to her habit of going out of her way to do poorly in a class so it looks like she’s just not trying, so she doesn’t have to face the reality that she never developed good study habits and she would have a lot of trouble in school even if she tried. Even though she doesn’t do well in school, she’s really smart, she’s just not great at articulating her points :))

She was a tomboy in elementary school before it was considered socially acceptable, and she was bullied ruthlessly for it. In her true, “stick it to the man” fashion, she never grew out of it.

Britta is terrified of Annie finding out that she won’t do well in school even if she DOES try, because she’s afraid Annie will lose respect for her.

Annie was the only one in the group she came out to, because she trusted her to keep a secret and not to judge. Annie asks her a LOT of questions, but Britta puts up with it.

Acts like a top, is really a bottom.

She has a crush on Annie from 21st century romanticism on, but never expresses it because she doesn’t want to make Annie uncomfortable.

Troy

Gay lmao

I definitely feel like he had a crush on abed around end of season 3/ beginning of season 4, but it was unreciprocated.

Troy has an inherent sensitivity that makes him the heart of the show, but it took a while for him to feel comfortable with that. I feel like he had a lot of parental pressure to be perfectly straight and masculine, since he was raised under a strict religion.

Troy never wanted to be an athlete. I believe he wasn’t allowed to explore his interests because he demonstrated talent for sports at a young age, and that’s what he was pressured to do for the rest of his life.

Troy doesn’t always understand how Abed functions, but he is always accepting, supportive and understanding. Instead of trying to understand how his brain works, he memorized the patterns of what bothers him and what doesn’t, and uses that to help his friend in the best way he can. It’s super sweet :))

Abed

Aro/ace Abed rights!! I haven’t seen this one as much, but I really like it. I genuinely don’t think abed has much interest in relationships, which has absolutely nothing to do with being neurodivergent. I think he feels pressure from the group to date, because that’s what they think is “normal.”

I LOVE Annie and Abed’s friendship but I definitely don’t ship them. Sure, they kissed once, but she was attracted to Han Solo, not abed. Annie was attracted to dean when he was actually like Jeff too, but she DEFINITELY wasn’t attracted to dean lmao. Instead, I think they’re both really close because they’re both neurodivergent, and Annie understands him more than anyone else in the group, albeit not entirely. They also have a special handshake you can see at the end of season one :)

This isn’t a headcanon but it’s *technically* never stated in the show but Abed definitely has autism. l DO headcanon that Annie has his safe foods written down in a list because she’s the only one who knows how to cook in the apartment, and she knows it’s important to him.

Abed has all of his friends’ likes and dislikes memorized and written down, as well as their birthdays, as a result of psychoanalyzing them. He gives the best birthday gifts and never forgets.

Definitely was the ACB (creds to film theory on that one)

Shirley

I don’t have a lot of theories for Shirley, because we see a lot of her personal story in canon. However, I do believe that she wasn’t always such a devout Christian. I think she was raised with Christian ideals, but it wasn’t central to her personality until Andre cheated on her. After she went though a dark period of (likely) alcoholism, I like to think that’s when she turned to Christianity, and it gave her hope. She loves it so much because it genuinely did save her from a bad time in her life.

I think she is a big part of the reason why Troy, Abed, Britta, and Annie are afraid to come out to the group. They assume she would never see them in the same light, when truth be told, she would love them all the same. I think she would be uncomfortable at first, but either she would come to the realization or britta would convince her that it is inherently Christian to love everyone, no matter what. Her motherly instincts take precedence over her Christian ideals.

Shirley views Annie as the daughter she never had, but is very careful not to tell her for fear of hurting her feelings. She very much enjoys helping her navigate college and seeing her mature. She also loves all their girl talk since this is the aspect of parenting that she doesn’t get with three boys. In the same vein, she loved teaching Britta how to have friends who are girls, and she likes to think she played a part in raising her.

Pierce

I don’t like pierce enough to psychoanalyze him lmao

Annie (saddle up, this is gonna be long)

Lesbiannie, obviously. Annie’s romantic tendancies SCREAM compulsive heterosexuality. Annie’s relationships with men are always schoolgirl crushes, and she even admits to abed that she never really liked Jeff, she just liked the idea that he was available and willing to love her. It also makes sense that she can’t stand the idea of not being perfect in every way, including heterosexual (because she confirms that her parents are bigoted and that’s likely what she was taught). I think she would have a lot of internalized homophobia, and she would be very insecure about her sexuality, seeing how she acted during the STD fair.

I would love to think Annie also had her first ever real, I like this person for themselves and not just because they’re attainable crush on Britta. She always looked up to her because she was so cool and far less uptight than she was, but as they grew closer, she saw her in a different light. I ship them hardcore lmao.

Annie has ADHD!! I could talk for hours about this, mostly because I have very similar struggles to Annie’s canon character arc (minus the drugs lmao) and it’s mostly due to my adhd. Long story short, she was likely raised undiagnosed until she discovered it herself, which led to trying adderall and overdoing it because she was unsupervised. She was likely very insecure about her ADHD, which led her to overcompensating academically. Because she masked so much in academic settings, it’s likely she didn’t have much of a social life because that’s where her symptoms presented themselves more.

In addition being friends with abed has made her far more comfortable unmasking. If you watch her in studies in modern movement you can see her stimming (flapping her hands, rocking back and forth and swinging her arms) way more than usual. She normally fidgets by fiddling with her fingers by her waist and pulling her elbows tight to her sides in a position suspiciously similar to raptor arms. Not only is this a common and discreet way to fidget, it is easily passed off as good posture. This makes sense, as it is Annie’s trademark resting position.

Annie reads YA books and a LOT of fanfiction for fun. The group expects her to be more well versed in classic literature, but the girl just loves her some vampires. It’s where she learned a LOT of her....dnd tricks ;).

Top energy that Jeff never let her use DEFINITELY comes out with Britta.

She helps Britta study and teaches her all the study habits she had to learn, and Britta’s grades improve a little bit!!

Switched to pantsuits because of britta, I like to think she had some influence on that.

Lost interest in Jeff after Basic Sandwich

Knew that Abed was the ACB the whole time, she definitely had it figured out in that binder lmao

Anyways enjoy, just figured I’d write this down somewhere haha

#annie edison #jeff winger #britta perry #annie x britta #troy and abed #abed nadir #community #community tv #troy barnes #lesbian annie #theyre just so cute together okay #neurodivergent #annie and abed #theyre buds

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homogrimoire-archive · 3 years ago

Text

Kingfield's Fourth Anniversary - Day 4

The Submissive and Breedable King

For their fourth anniversary, David and Dwight have a little bit of lewd fun.

AO3 Link

Dwight wasn't sure how long he had been in The Entity's Realm. But, it had been long enough for him to grow comfortable with the other survivors, for all of them to establish dynamics, even for some relationships to develop into something more.

If Dwight was told that he'd find love in a place where he was hunted for sport, he'd first slowly back away from whoever it was that told him. A person who was telling him that he would one day be hunted for sport was a person he really wouldn't want to be around. Second, he would be sure being hunted for sport would really make the whole dating thing even more difficult than it already was for him.

He was bisexual, which theoretically should have made things easier with more options. The thing was, capitalism is hell. Nine to five, not including commute, Monday through Friday, plus any overtime he couldn't really afford to decline. That's how it usually was for him. Though, he did have a lot of hookups, so he did at least have a lot of sexual experience.

Anyhow, he ended up using those skills on the person he honestly didn't think he'd be using them on: David King. When he first showed up, he screamed "STRAIGHT MAN. DWIGHT, DO NOT INTERACT. YOU WILL END UP HURT PHYSICALLY AND EMOTIONALLY BECAUSE OF HIM."

Dwight tried to heed that warning, he really did. But one thing led to another, and they grew to be friends. Hard not to when you saved each other's asses on numerous occasions. He found that David was actually a nice guy. Rough around the edges, sure, but nice to him and funny and loyal, once they got to know each other.

It was only a matter of time before he caught feelings then. Dwight was sure he fell right into the Entity's trap. While he hopelessly pined away, David acted as usual, which only made Dwight want and despair even more, as much as he tried not to.

But, as it turned out that warning he gave himself when he first met David was not exactly spot on. David was not straight. He found that out when he impulsively kissed David while they shared a locker, once the killer was gone, of course. Their bodies were just so close to each other that he couldn’t help it. He expected the other man to punch him or something for the violation. No. To his surprise, David leaned into it , moaning as he held Dwight close. Needless to say, they survived the trial, but did not stay by the fire for long. They had a very nice "walk."

They had many nice "walks" thereafter. And every so often, they would celebrate the beginning of their relationship. They could never be sure when a year had actually passed, but that didn’t really matter, just the special and often lewd celebration of them.

This time around, it was their fourth anniversary. It was a spur of the moment decision, one that definitely wouldn't be regretted.

After David and Dwight had finished being patched up from a trial, and told the group they were going out to celebrate the special occasion. Of course, they received some appropriately inappropriate comments that made Dwight blush as they went their merry way.

"All alone." David sighed once they finally reached a secluded area far away enough from the campfire.

“So how about we get started then?” Dwight deviously smiled. It was a look David loved to see. David leaned down slightly as they began to make out without a care in the world, caressing and grinding against one another. David might’ve been an Englishman, but he wasn’t opposed to french kissing, especially when Dwight could match his aggressiveness. It wasn’t often he got like that, but when he did, David knew he was in for a fun night, to say the least.

They barely even bothered with their clothes. Dwight merely unbuckled his belt and lowered his slacks and underwear to reveal his hard-on, a drop of precum leaking out the tip. He leaned against a tree as he pushed David down to suck it. David resisted only a little, just to make Dwight push him down with a little more force. Dwight was often surprisingly bossy during sex, but this level of dominance was a rare treat David that wanted to thoroughly enjoy.

Readily, he took the throbbing cock into his mouth and began to bob his head and swirl his tongue around it. Dwight seemed to be impatient, and grabbed a fistful of David’s hair and began to face fuck him like a hooker one would pick up on the corner. And David loved it. By now, he was an expert at taking Dwight's cock in his mouth.

He went with the motions, moaning in ecstasy and undoing his own belt so he could jerk himself off.

"You've got such a good mouth!" Dwight praised with an angry yell as he threw his head back. He wanted to last longer, but face fucking David just felt too good.

With a rough grunt, he pushed David's head all the way down to his pubes and came deep down his throat. Hearing him choke and feeling his throat spasm around his dick only made the release more euphoric.

After a few more thrusts, he released David, who shifted to sit so he could collect himself. He caught his breath and wiped away the saliva around his mouth and chin.

Looking up at an equally disheveled Dwight, David felt the urge to tear off the shorter man's clothes and worship every inch of him. He simply couldn't resist. After all, what else is a king to do when a god is before him?

David got up and began with a kiss to the cheek, then worked his way down to his neck, lightly biting and sucking at it to elicit a groan out of Dwight. As he did so, he worked to unbutton Dwight's shirt.

"That's… aaahhhh that's goood… Keep doing that, and don't stop 'til I say so." Dwight ordered with a debauched grin, and began to slowly jerk his lover off as he worshiped him.

Once all the buttons were undone, David let it fall off Dwight's shoulders as he worked his way lower, nipping at his exposed collarbone, then to his chest to place delicate kisses and to toy with his nipples. David loved the subtle and divine taste and scent of Dwight, a mix of sweat and cigarette smoke with a hint of earthiness that only Dwight could make him come to love.

He got on his knees once more and moved lower onto Dwight's stomach, uncaring of his own hard cock. It was worship time. But was stopped by Dwight's hand gently brushing through his hair and pushing him away slightly.

"I think it's time we get to the main event." Dwight said with a devious smile. "Down."

David obliged, throwing off his pants and underwear and getting down on all fours, face down and ass in the air. He felt absolutely exposed, even though his shirt still remained. He could feel Dwight leering down at him, admiring the sight before him before spreading his ass.

He began with a lick to his taint, sending a hot chill up his spine and eliciting a moan, and dragged his tongue up to David's hole. David groaned in bliss as Dwight ate his ass. He was often the one doing this to Dwight, so it was nice to be in the other position once more.

And soon, David felt Dwight remove his tongue and replace it with a lubed finger. They found some lube in the blood web, and they weren't gonna question it. David moaned at the intrusion. Then one finger became two, and David let out a low hiss as they entered him and began to open him up. After a moment, Dwight bumped against his prostate, making David involuntarily cry out from the sudden pleasure.

"Such a pretty noise." Dwight said in a low voice that made David's dick twitch.

"Please, just fuck me already." he whined, bucking his hips as Dwight finger fucked him. Any composure David held before was done away with more and more with each passing second as Dwight tortured him.

"I don't know. You didn't sound like you wanted to be fucked." Dwight teased, and inserted a third, lubed finger, catching David off guard. He let out a sound that was a mix of a grunt and a moan.

"God… Goddammit fuck me! Shag me! Use me! Just focking put your dick in me already!" David cried out. He continued to whine lewd noises and beg as his hole was thoroughly stretched.

That's what Dwight wanted to hear. If he were younger, less experienced, he might've came from hearing such salacious depravity. But he was definitely not that man anymore. He was going to take his time and enjoy every second of this to its fullest.

He took out his fingers, the sudden empty feeling making David cry a moan. He lubed up his cock, and teased his boyfriend's entrance with it.

"Is this what you want?" Dwight asked, wanting to hear David beg more in his rough and strainedvoice.

"Yes dammit! Bloody hell, just give it to me already!" he yelled, whimpering as he grinded against his boyfriend's slick cock in hopes of some relief. He was so hungry for it he was about to starve to death.

"Hmm… I don't know if you're ready yet." Dwight teased once more, knowing it would get a rise out of the man on his hands and knees for him.

"Damn you Dwight! I-" David yelled, the lustful anger in him dispelling as soon as Dwight shoved his full length into his ass. He shrieked at the welcome surprise, a spurt of precum dripping out of his cock from the impact.

"Mmm, there we go. You're so hot and loose. Did you want me that bad?" Dwight playfully wondered.

David would have answered, but he was too caught up in the lustful bliss to answer. Cliché, but being filled with his boyfriend's cock made him feel whole. David quietly mewled as Dwight began to slowly thrust in and out, gently fucking David with his his full length. David didn't even dare touch his cock. He wanted his boyfriend to literally fuck the cum out of him.

"Dwight…" David moaned. "Bollocks… harder, pleeease…" he begged. Dwight responded with a quick slap to David's ass.

"Shhh…" Dwight ordered as he groped and spread David's ass. "We'll get to that soon." He said, and groaned as he savored slowly pulling his cock in and out of David's hole.

That went on for a few more minutes. But it felt like an eternity to David. He quietly cried for more as the slow movements relentlessly tortured him. By now, the coat he rested on had gained a growing and noticeable spot of precum as it dribbled out the tip of his cock seemingly nonstop.

Finally, to David's relief, Dwight began to speed up. As he pounded David's ass faster and faster, deeper and deeper, he moaned louder and louder. Dwight began to grunt loudly from the pleasure as well. He felt his climax nearing, and grabbed onto David's hips to he could fuck David harder.

Dwight pounded David's hole in a sordid frenzy, moaning his lover's name as he came. David shot his load with a vulgar scream mere moments after Dwight did, the leader still ferociously pounding away. That was what they had been waiting for all night.

The both of them were panting heavily. Dwight slid his cock out with an obscene pop. David plopped down, uncaring of the mess he was making on himself. There wasn't any place nearby to bathe or clean up this time, but clean up wasn't too great a priority, considering The Entity would fix them up after a trial and dressed them like she was a little girl playing with her dolls. And a little bit of cum was nothing in the face of pools of blood, sweat, and tears, among other things depending on the killer and the setting.

Dwight laid down right next to him, the high of the climax slowly fading. He had buttoned up his pants, but his shirt still remained unbuttoned. In contrast, below the waist, David was still completely exposed. He had his soiled coat to lay on though.

Dwight searched for David's hand and took it into his as he found it. He looked to the left of him to see that David was still recovering. He planted a chaste kiss on his lips. David grumbled something and scooted closer to Dwight, throwing an arm over him to cuddle.

"Love you." Dwight said as he stroked his fingers through David's hair. This was nice, having David so close and calm next to him.

"Mmm, love you too." David said back with a kiss to Dwight's neck.

Eventually, they were called into a trial after laying together for a while before they got dressed because they began to feel a little gross. They agreed to do that again very soon though. They entered the trial, determined and ready to survive.

Thanks to their offering, they managed to spawn together. But for Dwight, that small joy soon turned to horror. David looked at Dwight, and then down at his shirt, and grinned proudly. The Entity had put them in matching couple's shirts. One read "Full of Cum" and the other read "I Came In Him". The pride charm on a nearby hook seemed to be mocking Dwight now.

#kingfield #david king #dwight fairfield #dead by daylight #dbd #Kingfield's Fourth Anniversary #2.2k words #spicy tag

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fineliines · 5 years ago

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okay so before things get misconstrued, i have seen the post @pocmuzings posted and i have quite a lot to say at least to explain my side of the story. you guys can make the choice to believe me or not but everything on this post is the truth on my end. this is very long and i hope everyone takes the time to read it but it’s just a warning this is long.

first and foremost, you need to understand that i have never once in my entire life said the n word. i grew up in a household where i always knew the weight of that word and it’s heavy connotations my entire life; my mom, grandma and cousins always used the word despite being spanish because they were very racist and stereotyped the black community. i knew of that, i was young when they used the word (probably around elementary school age) and never spoke up because i was a child. however, i’ve always known it’s not the right word to say or is it my place to say it as a non-black poc. i’m unsure if the person sending the anon meant to say i was using the word or if it was my friend at the time in the post but i have never EVER said that word. i would never use that word, i’m not ignorant on it and have always known what it’s implications were.

secondly, the problematic friend in question was someone i knew in my real life. we went to high school together, we met through a mutual friend who looking back on it, that mutual friend sexually assaulted me at one point and BECAUSE of that incident and numerous other things that happened in that small friend group, i pulled away and found solace in this person. his name was cameron, he’s no longer in the rpc so i really don’t care about putting his name out there to help keep track while i write this out. to give more background on this, cameron wasn’t the kind of person i could simply “get rid of” like i could have if he’d been someone i met online. like i said, we went to high school together, we lived in the same town, we became INSEPERABLE-- i vacationed with him and his family on MULTIPLE occasions. my mom and his mom became friends, we spent holidays together, etc. this wasn’t someone i could write off. we met when i was around 15 years old and he was 17 and we stayed friends from me being 15 to around the age of me being 21... in fact, i believe our last outing together was my 21st birthday but that’s irrelevant. i am now 24. throughout the time that we were best friends, however, i got him into rping and we were in the rpc together for an extended period of time. cameron has always been extremely problematic and this was something i didn’t necessarily become aware of until later on in our friendship. we started rping together in american horror story roleplays which is where i first started and in general, those rp’s were very very problematic and dark; it was a completely different time in the rpc compared to now and i am 100% aware of that.

cameron became notorious for causing drama wherever he went. in the ahs rp we were in, something happened between my character and someone else’s, anon hate was sent to the gossip blog or w/e about my character and it got to the point where i, myself, was being told to kill myself through anon hate because of whatever ship drama was happening. i was 15 years old and people on the internet were telling me to kill myself. cameron stepped in, defended me in the only way he knew how, started drama with the admins for not doing anything to stop the stuff being sent to me or help me and we got kicked out of the group as the solution to their problem. from that moment on, cameron simply never stopped causing problems and i often found myself getting dragged into things with him because we were friends and i stuck up for him because he usually stuck up for me. at some point as i got a little older, maybe 17/18, i can’t remember, me and him joined this subplot rp that this person who sent in the anon was running. yes, cameron and i became friends with the person, she was the admin, things were fine for a while and eventually, things in the group started getting slow so cameron wanted to leave and me, being the person i was at the time, followed him because he was my best friend. i remained somewhat friends with the anon but i always felt like things were strained between us BECAUSE cameron was always up to something; whether it was causing problems in the anon’s various groups she joined or simply leaving because he got bored or just being a general bully, befriending people and manipulating them and being ugly and problematic and racist. i can’t remember the anon ever talking to me about being uncomfortable with his actions because it was years ago and i’ll admit that at the time, it wasn’t important to me because i thought things were fine because her problems with cameron weren’t ever explicitly told TO me. i will admit that from the ages of 15-18, whenever cameron started drama or was problematic or did shitty things, i blindly followed him and never spoke up. i didn’t speak up because i felt like he helped me and defended me and PROTECTED me from my assaulter in real life and all the anon hate i got from this group that i owed him my loyalty. again, please keep in mind, i’ve been friends with him since we were both in high school, he wasn’t someone i could simply write off or get rid of at the time.

i started realizing he wasn’t a good person when i got a little older. i decided to open up a group that was based off college kids and it was based off the college i currently attend, ucf--- genuinely i don’t remember the url of the group but @wonclerland was in it with me because we were friends. cameron joined, obviously and at the time that i was admining, he didn’t do much. people joined who i’d met through a previous rp and to be honest, that group of people and i were 100% a really stupid clique of mean people. they were really mean and petty and ugly and i never said anything to them or about what they said because i wanted to fit in and again, i admit to that. some girl joined the group who went by the name athena or it was her alias, i don’t really know but apparently, she had beef with that group of people who joined and they claimed she was racist but could never properly pull up proof to show me or whatever. as an admin, i was caught in the middle trying to hear every side of the story. cameron befriended athena and all hell broke loose. i ended up going to playlist live for a day and mistakenly, i had asked one of the people in the little clique of mine to run the main while i was gone for the day. in the span of the 8 hours i was gone, the clique had posted athena’s unfollow despite her not wanting to quit and blah blah blah. i shut down the group because i didn’t know what to do and it make me anxious and stressed. cameron and athena formed a group of friends FROM that group and started to go on the girl who posted the unfollow’s instagram and comment hateful, bodyshaming things. they went as far as editing a picture of the girl on photoshop to look like shrek. i saw this all unfold and realized what kind of person cameron was and decided to TRY to sever ties with him. multiple times after this, i attempted to call him out on his ugly behavior on the tail end of our friendship. we would get into really violent fights in person and he’d come to target where i worked at the time to scream at me and yell at me in person. i called him out for being racist and problematic and using the n word- in return, he took down an entire roleplay we worked on together because he made all the graphics and left the page empty and blank while i was at work and couldn’t do anything about it. him and his boyfriend would call me names, made fun of me when i confided in them and came out as bisexual and told me i was just looking for attention and many other fucking instances where i was made to feel like shit. every time i called him out about stuff he did or said at all, i had to deal with abuse from in person and because i didn’t know how to approach the situation or deal with it, i let him get away with treating other people in the rpc like trash.

cameron and i grew apart after he quit the rpc. he ran out of aliases to use to destroy groups and i was working on actively trying to get out of the wake of destruction him and the friend group that yes, i followed around, left behind. i put forth the effort to work on learning about racism more in depth, i went to therapy to deal with the assaults and stuff i was going through and i used writing to cope with it and found a solid group of people that were actually decent. i admit that i was part of the problem by not saying anything to cameron, i was terrified of him and losing the only friend i had in my real life at the time. i know what he did hurt a lot of people in the rpc, including now the anon, and i realize that my silence until much later was not of any help at all. my activism now isn’t performative--- i’ve tried so hard over the last few years to learn and educate myself on the blm movement and i’m still learning every day. my intentions and heart have never been malicious and i deeply apologize to you, oksi, if you read this because i know it’s you that sent that anon. i’m sorry that my silence and lack of maturity and balls to confront cameron hurt you and i’m sorry for being a part of the problem. i’m sorry to whoever knew me back then and saw the people i surrounded myself with and that i was so focused on fitting in and belonging to a group (even a really fucking shitty one) stop me from speaking up when it mattered the most. i wish that this had been addressed to me privately so i could’ve talked to her and heard her side of the story but i understand that she probably felt uncomfortable and unsafe given our past and who she used to associate me with. i do not and will not ever stand for racism, i’m working every single fucking day to learn and spread resources and educate myself and to not overstep my boundaries or talk over the black community because it’s NOT my place. i can’t speak for the other person mentioned in this post and i hope she comes forward if she feels inclined to and tell her side of the story but this is mine. holding myself accountable for being a part of the problem.

i’m sorry if any of this upset anyone and if this means i’m going to lose friendships or mutuals over this. i understand and it’s fine. i’m not looking to victimize myself at all and i’m admitting to the fact that i was complacent and silent and i’m really sorry. i’m not like that anymore and i’m always one of the first people to call horrible shit out, probably too much because i spent so much time NOT saying anything out of fear. and if you read any of this, thank you? i don’t know what this is going to do but i hope it helps shed light on my side of the story. again, oksi, i’m really fucking sorry- you don’t have to forgive me at all and i don’t expect you to but i hope you’ll at least hear this out and try to understand i’ve changed and i actively try every single day to be better than i used to be. thank you and sorry again.

#idk what to tag this under but #i hope people read it #i'm just gonna leave for a bit now

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lactosecarrotsoup · 6 years ago

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My thoughts on Sean & Finn’s kiss

This will be long and of course contain spoilers, as if you can’t tell by the title... thingy. So, be warned. This will also contain my opinion(s); which is a very sensitive subject in this fandom.

We’re all entitled to our own thoughts, opinions, beliefs, etc.

With that said, let’s get started!

For those who are new to this game... I will give you a short summery. Life is Strange is a video game series ran by DontNod. A great company who loves to make players cry. This season has new characters from the other season and DLC. This season takes place in Washington where you play as a 16 year old boy, Sean Diaz, who’s a regular teenager. He loves drawing, skating, and of course stereotypical teen stuff such as drugs and parties. Taking away the partying and drug usage, he’s your typical shy-ish guy. He also has a little brother named Daniel, he’s 9 years old.

Both of them are Hispanic, including their father (Esteban), making this season’s cast more diverse than the first season, where the main characters were mainly white.

Speaking of their father, he dies. Yep. After Sean forces Daniel out of his room, Daniel runs to their hot-headed neighbor and accidentally spills homemade zombie blood on him. Sean over see’s the neighbor about to hurt Daniel and rushes out the house, protecting him. After a few racial slurs/crude remarks to Daniel, Sean decides to fight him. Sean shoves the neighbor onto a small rock (which I still dont understand how that injured him), and he lays on the ground in shock/going unconscious.

A cop shows up and hell breaks loose. The cop only see’s the “blood” on the neighbors shirt and Daniels, thinking nothing but the worst of the situation rather than questioning them. The dad comes out, trying to reason with the officer and he gets trigger happy, shooting Sean & Daniel’s dad, killing him. Daniel screams in shock/anger/horror and Sean blacks out. Whenever he wakes up, the entire street is destroyed and more people are dead/unconscious. He grabs Daniel and they runaway, not wanting to get involved with the crime. It’s later found out that Daniel has powers (similar theme to LIS season 1) and can move objects with his mind.

More shit happens, yada yada yada.

NOW.

Episode 3 just released. In episode two, the brothers meet quite a few people. But most notably for this post, Cassidy and Finn. These two are regular friends (or maybe even “fuck buddies” as Finn and another girl described their relationship), who are a lot like Sean and Daniel. Cassidy left her old home life to live on the road. Finn, I can’t remember if he said anything or not. But I would think it would be for the same reason or something crime related.

Anyways, point is, they all group together and live in the woods. But, they all also work for this dude who runs a farm with nothing but pot.

Yep.

A nine year old and sixteen year old kid are working at a pot farm.

This leads to Finn, Cassidy, and Sean to get high, drunk, etc.

Finn get’s a hair up his ass and decides; “Hey, why don’t we steal all the cash from our boss? Who cares if he may know about Sean & Daniel’s backstory, has security footage evidence of them, and shotguns?!”

Cassidy is against this. But you, the player, have the option to accept or refuse his plan to rob the big dude with the cash.

And in the words of Chloe Price from season one; he’s got some “hella cash”

SORRY I HAD TOO.

But still, you can either rob from the guy or go against it. But HO HO HO! This choice doesn’t matter that much. Finn does it anyways (with a fUCKING NINE YEAR OLD HELPING HIM AND RISKING THAT KID’S LIFE) and Cassidy gets upset and worried. So, if you disagree with Cassidy, you end up meeting with them anyways so you can stop them. You get in trouble either way, btw.

But, let’s back it up.

If you agree to join Finn’s plan, he’s happy and you have the chance to romance him. Which, at first thought (including mine), was great! In the first season, Max was bisexual. You can flirt/romance with Chloe and/or Warren. With Sean romancing Cassidy and Finn, the developers made him bisexual.

But... it’s not all roses. Let me give you my first reaction. I do actually have it recorded.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IGJ8lg5clHM

2:29:55 - 2:34:24

If you don’t watch it, basically I was excited and shocked. I didn’t like Finn at first but in that moment, I shipped them. I wanted Sean to be happy and happy enough to open up about his sexuality, if he hadn’t already.

But, I realized something.

Finn is most likely 20+. Sean is still 16. This means Finn is an older guy kissing a minor, which is of course, illegal. Not to mention that earlier in that episode, he was teaching Daniel to throw knifes and such. He smokes and drinks and admits his sexual relationships in front of a kid, too.

Speaking of his sexual relationships, it would be highly toxic if Sean and him dated/had casual sexual intercourse. Just based on Sean’s personality and how he had a crush on that Jen girl in the first episode, and how close him and Cassidy warmed up to each-other, he wears his heart on his sleeve. One thing this season has done WONDERFULLY is not distribute toxic masculinity. Sean and Daniel have both cried several times. Most men don’t like to talk/show their feelings because they feel weak and such, which is horrible. No guy should feel that way and should openly express them-self.

Sean does this, which is amazing. Yet, still can harm him.

Right after you agree to Finn’s plan, you can kiss him. Throughout the episode, he also flirts with Sean. Of course you have the CHOICE to kiss him... but it’s only after you accept his agreement. You can kiss Cassidy (and sleep with her) but she will storm off, angry, without kissing you, if you agree to Finn’s plan. Which is reasonable. Or, you can lie to her, saying you thought his plan was dumb, and she’ll kiss you. Both reasonable (in my opinion) responses to each situations.

But, how come you can’t kiss Finn regardless? Sean can say no and they could still talk about their feelings, leading to a kiss. Instead, they do nothing.

Finn is manipulative. He used Sean’s emotions to get to him. He probably noticed how close him and Cassidy were and how much love he has for Daniel, openly saying it every now and then, and wanting to protect him. Finn noticed how open Sean is and took advantage.

Imagine if this wasn’t a choice base game and the story automatically follows Sean agreeing with Finn.

He flirts with him throughout the episode and is very charismatic. Since Daniel notices how close Sean and Cassidy are getting, he rants to Finn. Finn takes in this information and uses it against them. He becomes “cool” in Daniel’s eyes by being super chill, rebellious, and showing him how to violently protect himself/hurt others. In a sense, he becomes Daniel’s temporary older and “cooler” brother, making Daniel look up to him. With Finn’s flirting, he admits (once again, if your choices didn’t matter) that he has feelings for some guys.

Finn takes note of this.

The idea pops into his head to steal from the man who runs the pot farm... thing. I’m an innocent bean who hasn’t done anything harder than prescribed drugs for anxiety and stuff. So forgive me if I’m getting these terms wrong, LOL! But, the point still remains, he tells Daniel who is automatically on board. I doubt a 9 year old boy truly cares if they have enough money or not. I bet his main thought was “If I do this, then Finn will think I’m cool! He’ll treat me like an adult and so will others.”

In fact, I bet you that was his exact thoughts, just based on what he said to Sean and how he acted towards others.

If you really look at it, guys... it looks similar to a Mark Jefferson/Nathan Prescott relationship in season 1. I’m not going to go into many details for the people who haven’t played/watched season 1 yet, but I’ll give you guys a basic rundown by what I mean.

Nathan was mentally ill. He suffered from possibly multiple disorders and had an abusive father. His father wanted him to be the best of the best, not for his sake, but for the families sake. This got to Nathan and he hated his father. Mark Jefferson was a teacher who noticed this, befriending Nathan, and becoming a fatherly figure. The two teamed up to do sickening plans and crimes together which ended up getting them caught in the end.

Now, who does that sound like?

Daniel just lost his father and he’s angry. He probably has PTSD and anger management issues, based on how he’s acting and the situations he’s been through. Finn is an older figure and tricks Daniel to follow his plans and crime, as they’re stealing. They end up getting caught by the boss no matter what they, Sean, Cassidy, or the player does.

Sean is in the same boat, minus the anger issues. He probably suffers more from depression and PTSD (since he talks about the past a lot to others and how they know their story). Since he does talk about his feelings, Finn uses to his advantage.

When Sean agrees to the heist, Finn and him (can) kiss as an award. An award for falling into his trap and doing whatever he wanted.

Nathan got fatherly love and praise from Jefferson, resulting in him to continue their disgusting plans in order to feel loved.

Sean (and Daniel) and becoming the Nathan of this season.

We have to watch out who will be our jefferson.

I also have to address another elephant in the room.

We’re the reason this happened.

If you go through old DontNod/Life is Strange official posts (I suggest instagram or facebook, where i saw mine), I saw nothing but comments saying how much they want Chloe and Max back. I assume this is because of how you can romance Chloe. They want their love story/friendship to continue. Even though we did get a comic series based on them, it wasn’t good enough.

DontNod probably got sick of it and forced this to happen. While they were probably writing Cassidy as a love interest in the beginning, and Finn as probably just a random stranger or a brother of hers, the noticed all the hate and said “fuck it!”

As a result, we got the chance to kiss Finn... before you could write him off by injuring or killing him. Which, many people were pissed about.

But if you REALLY think about it, we were the cause of that. They probably didn’t want that, wanting to focus on Cassidy and the actual story. But many people wanted LGBTQ+ moments (which is understandable) but didn’t want Sean and Daniel’s story. Or they did get involved in their story but wanted a LGBTQ+ character.

The story of Life is Strange (both seasons + DLC) is nothing more but teens/young adults finding themselves through very difficult times. This with the responsibility of super powers, which are hurting those around them. It’s not meant to be a romance. It’s meant to be a drama, sci-fi, and angst story. (And thriller bc of Max’s nightmare bc that shit scared me)

While yes, I was happy and excited at first about Sean & Finn kissing. I was happy that there was potential for things to be “normal” and Sean to be happy, there was a lot of red flags. The age differences, the manipulation, the parallel's, and how forced it was.

Thanks for coming to my TEDTalk! Before you leave a hateful response, please know my opinion is valid like yours and others. Not only that, but I’m not the first to point some of this out. :)

#lis #life is strange #lis 2 #lis 2 spoilers #life is strange 2 spoilers #sean diaz #daniel diaz #life is strange 2

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beatlejuice64 · 5 years ago

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Destiel Season 13: A catalog of Supernatural episodes

A catalog of each episode in Supernatural that features scenes related to Destiel. This includes scenes between Dean and Castiel, scenes with other characters that address their relationship with each other, and scenes that allude to Dean’s bisexuality.

Season 13 Summary Analysis

Dean is destroyed by Castiel’s death at the hands of Lucifer, and he is hard on Jack at first because he believes Jack is partially to blame. Dean has lost hope and given up on life, and not even Sam is able to snap him out of it. When Cas returns, Dean’s attitude takes a 180 degree shift, and he becomes softer with Jack after learning that he’s the one who brought Cas back. Dean, Cas, and Sam become highly protective co-parents to Jack. Dean and Cas establish a much more domestic relationship and are better than ever at communicating and apologizing to each other.

My interpretation: Dean has trouble adjusting to life without Cas, and he takes it out on Jack because he feels like Jack is the reason Cas pulled away from him in Season 12. When The Empty tries to intimidate Cas into going back to sleep, Cas fights back because he knows that Dean and Sam need him. He is no longer paralyzed by his past mistakes because Dean showed him unconditional love in Season 12. When Cas returns, Dean and Cas are ready to accept their true feelings and commit to each other for real—they have each finally worked past their periods of self-loathing and are ready to accept each other’s affection. Although we never see Dean and Cas explicitly state that they are in a romantic relationship, they repeatedly exhibit loving behavior toward one another and allude to time they have spent together off screen. Dean and Cas are both significantly happier, and even Sam is glad that they’ve finally set aside their self-hatred and baggage to finally be together.

13.01 Lost and Found

Dean cannot bring himself to say out loud that Cas is dead: “Let’s see, Crowley’s dead, Kelly’s dead, Cas is... Mom’s gone, and apparently, the Devil’s kid hit puberty in 30 seconds flat. Oh, and almost killed us.”

Dean prays to God to bring Cas back and punches a wooden sign out of frustration: “Okay, Chuck, or God or whatever, I... I need your help. See, you left us. You LEFT us. You went off, you said the Earth would be fine because it had me and it had Sam, but it’s NOT, and WE’RE not. We’ve lost everything, and now you’re gonna bring him back, k? You’re gonna bring back Cas, you’re gonna bring back Mom, you’re gonna bring ‘em all back. All of them. Even Crowley. ‘Cause after everything that you’ve done, you OWE us, you son of a bitch. So you get your ass down here, and you make this right, right here, and right now!”

Dean can barely look at Castiel’s dead body. He struggles with his emotions while wrapping Cas up with care and preparing the funeral pyre.

13.03 Patience

Dean explains that he associates Jack with the loss of Cas and can’t let it go: “I can hardly look at the kid. ‘Cause when I do, all I see is everybody we’ve lost.” “Mom chose to take that shot at Lucifer. That is not on Jack.” “And what about Cas?” “What ABOUT Cas?” “He manipulated him. He made him promises. Said ‘Paradise on Earth,’ and Cas bought it. And you know what that got him? It got him dead! Now, you might be able to forget about that, but I can’t!

13.04 The Big Empty

When Cas tries to convince The Empty to send him back to Earth, The Empty intimidates him with his fears and failings: “Sam and Dean need me.” “Oh, save it. I have tiptoed through all your little tulips. Your memories, your little feelings, yes. I know what you hate. I know who you love, what you fear. There is nothing for you back there, no.”

Dean admits to Sam that he’s broken: “I need you to keep the faith for both of us. ‘Cause right now I... Right now, I don’t believe in a damn thing.”

13.05 Advanced Thanatology

Sam makes an effort to be extra nice to Dean to try to help him get through his rough patch: “I’m fine.” “No, you’re not, Dean. You said you don’t believe in anything, and that’s not true, that’s not you. You DO believe in things. You believe in people. That’s who you are, that’s what you do. I know you’re in a dark place, and I just wanna help.” “Okay. Look, I’ve been down this road before, and I fought my way back. I will fight my way back again.” “How?” “Same way I always do—bullets, bacon, and booze. A lotta booze.”

Death (aka Billie) recognizes that Dean has lost his zeal for life: “You have changed, and you tell people it’s not a big deal. You tell people you’ll work through it, but you know you won’t, you can’t, and that scares the hell outta you. Or am I wrong?” “What do you want me to say? Doesn’t matter. I don’t matter.” “Don’t you?” “I couldn’t save Mom. I could save Cas. I can’t even save a scared little kid. Sam keeps tryin’ to fix it, but I just keep draggin’ him down. So I’m not gonna beg, okay? If it’s my time, it’s my time.” “You really believe that. You wanna die.”

Dean admits to Sam that he is not okay: “You know, my whole life, I always believed that what we do was important. No matter the cost, no matter who we lost, whether it was Dad, or Bobby, or... And I would take the hit, but I kept on fighting because I believed that we were makin’ the world a better place. And now Mom, and Cas, and I don’t know... I don’t know.” “So now you don’t believe anymore.” “I just need a win. I just need a damn win.”

As Dean learns that Cas is alive, the song “Never Too Late” by Steppenwolf plays, and the camera cuts between Cas and Dean (not Sam): “Your eyes are moist, you scream and shout, as though you were a man possessed. From deep inside comes rushing forth all the anguish you suppressed. Upon your wall hangs your degree, your parents craved so much for you. And though you’re trained to make your mark, you still don’t quite know what to do. It’s never too late to start all over again. To love the people you caused the pain, and help them learn your name. ... You say you've only got one life to live, and when you're dead you're gone. Your family comes to your grave, and with tears in their eyes, they tell you you did something wrong. ‘You left us alone!’ Tell me who's to say after all is done and you're finally gone, you won't be back again. You can find a way to change today, you don't have to wait 'til then. It's never too late to start all over again.”

13.06 Tombstone

Dean gives Cas a big hug when he sees him: “Welcome home, pal.” “How long was I gone?” “Too damn long.”

Dean, who was borderline suicidal in the previous episode, does a complete 180 mood shift and gets excited to go on a hunt in Dodge City: “Alright, well, two salty hunters, one half-angel kid, and dude who just came back from the dead, again. Team Free Will 2.0. Here we go!”

When the gang enters the Wild Bill Suite, Dean nerds out about the historical figures hanging on the walls, and Cas is knowingly resigned to it: “He really likes cowboys.” “Yes. Yes, he does.”

Sam recognizes how happy Dean is: “You’re in a good mood, huh?” “Yeah, and?” “Nothin’. I just, uh... you’ve been havin’ a rough go, so it’s good to see you smile.” “Well, I said I needed a big win. We got Cas back. That’s a pretty damn big win.” “Yeah, fair enough.”

When Jack goes to wake up Dean, Cas tries to stop him, knowing how badly Dean will react to being woken up. Cas later comments on Dean’s sleeping habits: “I told you. He’s an angry sleeper. Like a bear.”

When Cas gets up to leave, Dean lifts his finger and points at his coffee. Cas understands the gesture to mean he should wait until Dean has finished his coffee and sits back down.

Cas reluctantly goes along with Dean’s insistence that he should act like a cowboy, and they reference a movie night that they’ve had at some point in the past: “Alright, listen, these Dodge City cops aren’t likely to trust big city folks, so we’re gonna have to blend.” “Which is why you’re making me wear this absurd hat.” “It’s not that bad. Well, actually, yeah, it kinda is. Hang on. [Dean removes the band from Castiel’s cowboy hat.] Alright, that’s better.” “Is it?” “Yeah. Look, just act like you’re from Tombstone, k?” “The city?” “The movie! With Kurt Russel? I made you watch it.” “Yeah, yeah. Yeah. The one with the guns and tuberculosis. ‘I’m your Huckleberry.’” “Yeah, exactly. It’s good to have you back, Cas. Alright, follow my lead. We’ll fit right in.”

When Jack shows remorse for accidentally killing someone, Dean tries to make him feel better, demonstrating that his view of Jack has shifted: “Maybe you’re right. Maybe I’m just another monster.” “No, you’re not. I thought you were. I did, but, like Sam said, we’ve all done bad. We all have blood on our hands. So if you’re a monster, we’re all monsters.”

13.07 War of the Worlds

Cas says he’s going to ask the angels for help finding Jack, and Dean insists on going with him. Dean reluctantly agrees to let Cas go alone and tells him not to get in into any trouble: “Dean, you can’t accompany me. My contact is already anxious about meeting and won’t speak in the presence of a stranger.” “So introduce me. Then I’m not a stranger. I’ll bring a six pack.” “Dean, I swore I would protect this boy. Let me do this.” “Don’t do anything stupid.”

When Lucifer catches Cas talking to Dean on the phone, Cas tries to play off the conversation as casual by speaking lovingly toward Dean: “Yes, I would like to see you, too. The sooner, the better.”

Sam recognizes that Dean is worried about Cas: “Don’t worry. You did tell him not to do anything stupid.” “Right. When’s the last time that’s worked?”

13.08 The Scorpion and the Frog

Sam recognizes that Dean believes in himself and his purpose again: “We’ll figure somethin’ else out. And if that doesn’t work, then we’ll move on to the next, and then whatever’s after that. We just keep working, ‘cause that’s what we do.” “It feels really good to hear you talk like that again.” “I’ll drink to that.”

13.11 Various & Sundry Villains

When Dean shows up saying he’s in love and “full on twitter-pated”, Sam is amused and surprised that Dean would express emotion like that so openly, until he realizes Dean is under a spell.

13.13 Devil’s Bargain

When Dean scolds Cas for talking with Lucifer, Cas defends himself: “Cas, I specifically told you not to do anything stupid.” “Well, he was weak, and given the context of our imminent annihilation, it didn’t seem stupid.“

Dean apologizes to Cas for not realizing that Asmodeus was posing as him while he was captured, and Cas forgives him immediately: “Cas, I’m sorry. All that time you were with Asmodeus, I... We should’ve known it wasn’t you.” “Well he’s a shape-shifter. Besides, I was the one who got myself captured.” “Yeah, but if Sam and I knew, you know, we would’ve...” “Yeah, I know, I know. You would’ve tried another long shot. I’m fine, Dean.”

Dean expresses concern for Castiel’s well-being, and Cas expresses concern for the safety of their shared family: “I’m fine, Dean.” “You sure about that?” “Right now, all that matters is getting Jack and your mother out of that place, okay? Look, I promised Kelly that I would protect her son. I intend to keep that promise.”

Cas understands Dean’s colloquialism: “We’re boned.” “Epically.”

When the boys encounter Ketch, Cas looks over at Dean and instinctively knows that Dean wants him to put Ketch to sleep.

Cas loathes Ketch on Dean’s behalf, agreeing with Dean’s plan to kill him: “I say we take dick bag here back to the bunker, find out what he knows and put a bullet in him, burn his bones, and flush the ashes.” “I like that plan.”

While the boys are talking about whether they can trust Ketch, Cas rolls his eyes at Dean’s predictable penchant for violence.

13.14 Good Intentions

Dean volunteers to accompany Cas to go fight Gog and Magog.

Dean shows concern for Castiel’s emotional well-being and considers his wants and needs. Cas is open about his worries for the future, and Dean shows him support: “How’re you holdin’ up, Cas?” “I’m fine.” “No, I just mean with, you know, everything you’ve been through, and I know you really wanna find Lucifer.” “No, it’s not that. It’s about... Well, it is that, but it’s also, I... Dean, I was dead.” “Temporarily.” “And I have to believe that I was brought back for a reason.” “You were, k? Jack brought you back because we needed you back.” “Right. And how have I repaid him? I promised his mother that I would protect him, but now he’s trapped in that place while Lucifer is here, who’s... he’s getting stronger and more powerful by the day. And if Michael really is coming, maybe I was brought back to help prepare.” “Prepare for what?” “War. War, is what Michael does.” “Well, then we do what we do, whatever it takes.��

Dean rolls his eyes at Castiel’s predictable seriousness: “Well, Enochian’s kinda tough. Maybe you got a word wrong.” “I don’t get words wrong.” *eyeroll*

After Donatello tries to hurt Dean by casting a spell on him, Cas gets angry and disregards Donatello’s safety, forcefully extracting the information they need from his mind: “I’m sorry, but I’m not going to let you or anyone hurt the people I love, not again.”

Dean is angry at Cas for making Donatello braindead, but Cas convinces him it was necessary due to their dire circumstances.

13.16 ScoobyNatural

Dean is antagonistic toward Fred for most of the episode, but it seems to be based in jealously, and perhaps a certain level of attraction: “Hey, why do you hate Fred so much?” “He thinks he’s so cool, with his perfect hair, his can-do attitude, that stupid ascot.”

Dean starts out pursuing Daphne, but her disinterest toward him and commitment to Fred help Dean see Fred’s value. Dean develops more respect for Fred as the episode progresses, and he even seems to develop a particular fondness for Fred himself, emulating his style by wearing an ascot.

When Cas asks Dean what happened with the Cartwright twins, he evades the question.

13.18 Bring ‘Em Back Alive

Cas is upset that Sam let Dean go to Apocalypse World on his own: “Dean is in Apocalypse World alone?” “No, he’s with Ketch, so he’s not alone.” “Because that makes it so much better.” “Cas, he wanted to go solo.” “And you let him?” “I... He didn’t give me much of a choice. Anyways, Dean’s right. As long as he’s over there and we’re here, we need to be taking care of Gabriel, getting him right again.”

Dean makes a joke to Ketch about his own sexuality: “You don’t look good.” “Yeah, well, you’re not my type, either.”

When Dean gets upset about losing Gabriel, Cas tries to calm him down and make him feel better: “Dean, we will find Gabriel. We will.” “We better.”

13.19 Funeralla

When Rowena flirts with Cas, Dean is visibly annoyed and Cas is awkward about it.

Dean asks Cas if he wants a beer. Cas says no, but Dean gets one for him anyway.

Cas makes a sports reference and Dean is impressed. Then Cas makes it awkward and Dean resists the urge to tell a dirty joke: “This would be something of a Hail Mary.” “Hmm!” “It’s a sports term, like slam dunk or, uh... ball handler.” “That’s uh... mnh-mnh.”

Dean and Cas talk through a disagreement without being accusatory or disrespectful: “I don’t think that’s a good idea.” “Well, Dean, we don’t have any good ideas.” “Okay, let’s just not barrel through with that like, uh, you know, like the Donatello thing.” “We had our disagreement, but we got results.” “That didn’t make it okay.” “I hear your concerns. And yes, the angels, they loathe me, and there’s going to be dangers, but heaven doesn’t want the world to end any more than we do. This is something that I have to try.”

Dean reluctantly supports Castiel’s idea after realizing how important it is to him: “Cas, you wanna try this angel thing, then go for it. Just don’t get dead again.”

13.21 Beat the Devil

When the gang goes through the portal, Gabriel stumbles and ends up with his face in Castiel’s crotch, which makes Dean visibly uncomfortable.

When Sam is mortally wounded and taken by vampires, Cas protectively stops Dean from going after him.

13.23 Let the Good Times Roll

Cas tries to stop Dean from letting Michael possess him: “Dean, you can’t.” “Lucifer has Sam. He has Jack. Cas, I don’t have a choice!”

Cas is visibly grief-stricken at losing Dean to Michael.

#destiel #dean x castiel #dean winchester #castiel #supernatural #spn #deancas

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onisionhurtspeople · 6 years ago

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The Spiral of Narcissistic Abuse: Onision Edition

I originally wrote this post in April 2017, but in the year and a half since it’s been published, there have been literally dozens of new victims targeted by Greg (Onision) and his wife Lainey (Laineybot) that I felt were severe enough to warrant inclusion; and so here I am to re-write this post to include this new information.

1. “Love Bombing”: Display of excessive attention and professions of deep love. “Soul mate.”

Love bombing is the practice of overwhelming a person in a new relationship with signs of adoration and attraction in the form of gifts, compliments, meaningful gestures, discussions revolving around long-term future plans (marriage, children, vacations, etc), and professions of true love. The difference between love bombing and genuine love is that real love is earned over time through intimacy, trust, and consistency, whereas love bombing creates artificial feelings of intimacy that have not yet been earned.

Greg routinely engages in love-bombing when it comes to either a) trying to lure in new victims, or b) making attempts to reel in previous victims (such as exes), or current victims who are becoming disillusioned with him and beginning to pull away. In 2015, after Greg had convinced his wife Lainey to “explore her bisexuality” by getting a girlfriend, she had settled on an 18-year-old YouTube personality and makeup guru named Billie, and flew her down to their house for a visit. What Greg neglected to tell Lainey was that he had ulterior motives for pushing her to get a girlfriend, and this was because he wanted to convince Lainey and whoever her girlfriend was to enter a three-way, polyamorous triad with him. While Billie was there, in an attempt to draw her in, Greg showered her with gifts, compliments, and an excessive amount of attention and admiration; according to him, he paid her $1800 a month to manage his social media accounts, spent thousands of dollars buying her gifts of makeup and clothing, and his videos were full of glowing compliments towards Billie.

He tweeted this at Billie after she managed to “fix” a broken camera lens by throwing it on the ground. He screams at his own children just for losing at Mario Kart, could you imagine Onision having this reaction to anybody else treating his expensive equipment that way?

Every time he and Lainey broke up with Billie (usually because she refused to go along with their bizarrely strict and controlling expectations for her behavioral conduct, such as having to ask their permission before smoking weed - and yes, you read that correctly; the problem was not that she was smoking weed because it was illegal (as Greg and Lainey had originally claimed), the problem was that she didn’t ask their permission before doing it), Greg would begin to reel Lainey back in by trying to love bomb her again. This comment was made just two days after he’d cheated on Lainey with Billie, while she was pregnant with their second child:

…and every time they get back together, he begins love bombing Billie again, and ignoring Lainey. He is careful not to do this overtly on Twitter or Instagram like he does with Lainey, but during this time, he expends much more effort into communicating with Billie over Twitter and in videos than he does with Lainey. He is also very clearly more physically affectionate towards Billie in videos where the three of them appear together than he is with his own wife.

(And maybe this is just my unprofessional opinion, but the manner in which he compliments Lainey rings much more hollow and inauthentic to me than the compliments he used to give to Billie. It comes off as very rote and robotic, not genuine or sincere.)

2. Over-protection and isolation in the name of love. “We only need each other.”

One of the most common tactics that abusers use to control their victims is by isolating them from friends and family. They do this so that it’s harder for them to escape or see the truth of what’s happening to them. This behavior is manifested in ways such as convincing the victim to stay at home and not have a job, by controlling all of the money that flows through the household (including the victim’s money, if they DO have a job), and by slowly convincing the victim to stop talking to their friends and family members, because the narcissist “doesn’t think they’re good for [them]”. Without a sense of perspective or anybody from whom to gain a third-party point of view, it’s extremely difficult for the victim to objectively analyze the severity of the situation.

Throughout the history of his relationships, Greg follows this pattern with all of his partners to the tee. He makes repeated attempts to convince Billie to stop flying home to spend time with her friends and family members, who she is extremely close with.

Unbelievably, he attempts to manipulate her by bragging about how he’d already managed to successfully convince Lainey to not visit her own family more than once a year. In a livestream, Lainey once admitted that earlier this month (October 2018) was the first time she’s attended a family funeral in over five years, because Greg wouldn’t give her permission to go to any of the other ones. He also frequently attacks Lainey’s family on social media, as well as diminishing them in Lainey’s eyes by making his disapproval of them quite clear:

This is what he said about Lainey’s sister:

He especially does this to Lainey’s father, who saw through Greg from the very beginning, and desperately tried to stop his 17-year-old daughter from marrying him:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8sAjnkASwOo

He also did this with Skye while they were still married, restricting her from seeing anybody but members of his own family, and members of her family that he approved of (which was basically just her younger sister, a 15-year-old girl who Greg admitted to fantasizing about having sex with, including (more than once) accidentally moaning her name while being intimate with Skye). A quote from his website at the time:

January 24th, 2007

Alright, so it has been a few days since Skye and I hung out with another couple… judging from the fact that these people were the only ones we knew that had a lifestyle that wasn’t drugged out, beered out (also known as drugged out), smoked out, ethically lacking, rude etc. and we can’t even enjoy ourselves around them as much as we do each other… I just really don’t see myself and Skye spending time with anyone in the future other than family…

It seems that everyone who isn’t blood related has something extremely wrong with them… it may not be apparent at first, like a used car, but when you get on the road with them, and get to know them, the clanks and pings begin to show, maybe not after the first few miles, but definitely after the second or third ride.

(Source)

This isolation of Skye got so bad that eventually, two of their friends actually tried to convince her to leave Greg:

January 27th, 2007

I was going to post something extremely long about how upset I am with two people I know, within my personal life - who are continuously trying to break my wife and I apart psychically and vocally… but I’m not going to as I believe it can only cause a greater level of drama, which is exactly what they feed on.

In fact, they probably know I’m talking about them right now, and are dialing my number just to tell me/others how wrong I am for my wife, and somehow by saying I love her every hour of the day, feeding her full of yummy food, trying to make her happy emotionally/other ways, putting a roof over her head, that in result of that I’m a bad husband.

(Source)

A former classmate of Greg, who had gone to high school with both he and Skye, also gave an interview with someguy827, in which he detailed his observations of Greg slowly but surely isolating Skye from all of her friends and family members:

You can read the interview here. (Source)

And read the comment that he made on lolcow here. (Source)

3. Power gained by social isolation and artificially inflated self-esteem. “I feel like a better person with I am with them.”

Greg has claimed this about every single one of his exes. I can’t track down photographic examples of him claiming this about all of them never mind, I managed to find examples of him saying this to at least three different women. Here’s an example of when he said it to ex-girlfriend Adrienne:

Keep in mind that they had been dating for a grand total of two weeks when he made the claim to her that she had helped him grow into a better person in the short amount of time they’d been together.

He made the same claim about a high school girlfriend, Tanya, whom - again - he had known for only a couple of weeks; and they were not even officially dating when he said this to her:

Here is another example of him saying this about his first wife, Skye - again, only weeks into their relationship. The journal entry this screenshot was lifted from is much longer and I was having trouble pasting it into the body of this text in a way that was readable, so here’s a very short, cropped version of what he said. You can find the source for this quote here. (Source)

At the end of his relationship with Adrienne - while they were in the process of breaking up - he called her repeatedly while she was at work, leaving her over a dozen voicemails in less than a day. During this time, Adrienne managed to get in touch with Shiloh, another of Greg’s exes, to compare notes about the similarities in their relationship. When Shiloh listened to the voicemails that Greg had sent to Adrienne, she posted this comment on Facebook:

He had been telling the two women, only hours apart from each other, about how special and meaningful they were to him. The saddest thing about this is that at the same time, he was also calling Skye; and this exchange between himself, Shiloh, and Adrienne occurred only days before he started talking to Lainey.

4. Creation of a feeling of dependency; induction of fear of the loss of relationship.

One of the ways that Greg likes to induce feelings of psychological dependence on him is through a tactic called “manipulation break-ups”. The phenomenon is explained here by dwayners13:

One of the most common tactics used by manipulative & emotionally abusive individuals is the ‘manipulation breakup’. This is simply when a person repeatedly breaks up with their partner, not because they truly want to end their relationship, but rather to gain power & control over their partner & the relationship in general. There are a variety of issues & events that can cause a manipulation breakup (far too many to list here), but it can range from their partner doing something they don’t like/approve of to the emotionally abusive person being confronted on their abusive/manipulative behavior (by their partner &/or their partner’s family/friends). [...] Instead of taking the time to discuss or even arguing about the issue in an attempt to resolve it, the person will just break up with them, knowing that their partner doesn’t want to break up. They will then refuse to speak with them about the issue (& the relationship in general), essentially shunning or ignoring their attempts. This can include ignoring phone calls, text messages, VMs etc.., If the couple live together, they will simply refuse to speak with their partner (aka the silent treatment). Their intention is to make it seem like the relationship is over, so that the person will practically beg & plead with their partner & be willing to agree to anything in order to get back together.

(Source)

Greg and Lainey both admitted to him doing this multiple times throughout their relationship; and still, to this day, they admit that he attempts to break up with her every single time they argue, even though they’re married and have been for over seven years. It is extremely abnormal for a 34-year-old father of two who has been married for seven years to threaten to “break up” with his wife every time they get into an argument. These attempts at manipulation on Greg’s part terrify Lainey so much that she readily complies with whatever he wants in order to convince him not to leave her. This pattern could not be more apparent than how this manipulation tactic played out in their relationship with Billie.

During the time when Greg and Lainey were in a polyamorous relationship with Billie, Lainey expressed repeated discomfort about Greg and Billie spending so much time together while she was excluded by having to spend so much time cooking, cleaning, looking after their their son (she was pregnant with their daughter at the time), and managing their household (which we now know, thanks to Maya, that Greg does not help out with at all, meaning that Lainey spent the vast majority of her day doing these things while Greg and Billie were in another room playing games, making videos, and hanging out). She felt that Billie was only there for Greg, and was not comfortable with them being sexually intimate together, even when it was all three of them together. After a while of this - despite Lainey’s continued discomfort, disapproval, and lack of consent (which is vital for any healthy, functioning polyamorous triad) - Greg told Lainey that there would be more more boundaries, no more jealousy, and that he and Billie were going to do whatever they wanted, whenever they wanted; and that if Lainey didn’t like it, then he was going to divorce her.

Naturally, terrified of losing her husband, her family, her home, her source of income, and the only lifestyle that she’d ever known - with a three-year-old in tow, and pregnant with their second child - Lainey felt forced to remain in the three-way relationship that she didn’t even want to begin with.

A quote from his video, “Onision’s Break Up Story”:

“I told my wife that there would be no more rules in the relationship. That there would be no more boundaries, no more jealousy, and that I would do what I want.”

(Source)

After this quote, Greg goes on to explain that he reassured his wife that he had no intention of leaving her; however, how could Lainey believe this, when just a few months before he had attempted to leave her for Billie, which only didn’t end up happening because Billie told him that she didn’t feel right about it? When he had threatened to leave her so many times before over much smaller and less significant things? He goes on to say this:

“Regardless, it is important to note that Billie did tell me that she thought Lainey might be upset if she and I slept together, but every time she indicated she was worried, I would remind her of the conversation I had with Lainey where I repeatedly told her there would be no more boundaries, we would all have balanced relationships, and that there would be no jealousy.”

This is an ultimatum. The reason why Lainey went to Billie to ask her not to sleep with Greg is because she already knew that he would shut her down if she tried. Ask yourself this question: for what reason would a woman feel more comfortable asking other women not to sleep with her husband, instead of just going straight to the source and simply asking her husband not to sleep with other women instead? The answer is that it’s because she already knew that he would say no and try to divorce her if she kept bringing it up. It is not unreasonable for Lainey to believe Greg capable of doing this, considering that he has admitted in the past to leaving one woman for another (when he left Skye for Shiloh in 2011):

Greg doesn’t just do this to Lainey, however; he has done this, to my knowledge, with every other woman he’s ever dated. The following is a screenshot of a portion of the letter written by Adrienne - the 26-year-old that Greg dated for three weeks just before he met Lainey - describing how Greg attempted to manipulate her through making her fear the loss of the relationship:

Later on in the same letter:

The entirety of the letter written by Adrienne can be read here. If you’re interested in understanding how Greg’s mind works, I highly recommend reading it - it is extremely insightful, analytical, and well-written.

5. Restrictive control of resources and activities enforced by induction of guilt, or fear of anger.

It’s no secret that Greg attempts to restrict the activities that his girlfriends are allowed to participate in. This ranges from the aforementioned control over how often they’re allowed to visit their families, to whether or not they’re allowed to have a job (a tactic reported by several of his exes and by Greg himself), to how often they’re allowed to go out with their friends, and even to what they are and are not allowed to eat.

In the following screenshot, a blog post by Shiloh months after they’d broken up, she details how he not only manipulated her into cutting off contact with her friends and family back home, but also convinced her to put her music career on hold so that they could be together all the time:

(You can read the full post here.)

He also talked Skye into quitting her job once he began making enough money off YouTube, with the reasoning that couples should be spending at least 50% of their time together. (I’m having trouble finding the screenshot for this, but it’s out there somewhere - I’ve seen it before.) Here is a similar screenshot, however:

He would also become extremely angry with Adrienne when she wanted to go out with her friends…

...and tried to manipulate her into quitting her job, moving in with him, and depending entirely on him as her source of income, all within three weeks of meeting her.

6. Gaslighting causes victim to doubt what they see or hear. Inability to trust own thoughts and reasoning.

When Lainey first broke up with Greg and was considering divorce after he cheated on her with Billie, she admitted that she had never even wanted a girlfriend to begin with, and that it had been Greg who was pressuring her into it…

…but later, when Lainey recounted her side of the story in a response video to the one that Billie released, she adamantly maintained that it was she who had wanted to experiment with her bisexuality - evidence that Greg had been gaslighting her into believing that he was not at fault, yet again, and that it was Lainey who had desired to keep bringing back Billie over and over again. The tweet posted in first part of this screenshot was taken only six months after the tweet in the second part:

In addition - despite having told Lainey that it was his decision to sleep with Billie, and despite having literally admitted in a video that he published on YouTube to Billie having repeatedly brought up her discomfort with going behind Lainey’s back in order to be intimate with Greg - he still managed to convince Lainey to doubt her own perceptions enough to the point where she now, to this day - over two years later - still considers Billie to be the homewrecker, and that it was Billie who cheated on her with Greg, not Greg who cheated on her with Billie. That is how manipulative he is.

During one of the periods in time when Greg and Lainey had broken up with Billie yet again, Lainey began talking to a new girl named Hailey (known online as Luxymoo). At first, Hailey believed that her relationship with Lainey would be exclusive; but after Greg informed her that the relationship would actually be an open polyamorous one, she realized that she was uncomfortable with the arrangement and decided to pull out. Despite the fact that she had every right to choose not to go through with it, Greg then attempted to gaslight her and invalidate her feelings:

After that I started doing research on what it meant to be in a three way relationship, I came to the conclusion that it wasn’t for me. Which killed me, because all I wanted to do was be with Lainey. I wanted to try for them, but at the end of the day, I had to consider my personal feelings on the matter. I knew I couldn’t be what they wanted, because I wanted Lainey.

I told Lainey as soon as I came to that conclusion. I wanted to be honest. I didn’t want to drag it out. Lainey didn’t respond to me.. but Greg did. He said that if he were in my position, he would do whatever it takes to be with Lainey. He said that I didn’t really care about Lainey, that all I was looking for was friendship. He said that he thought my mind was broken. He said he thought I may be sexually dormant. He then would say that he thinks i’m a good person and that i’m the safer alternative. He called me a good distraction.

He wanted me to still come up. But that was a fleeting thought. He said friendship would be hard, and that I was doing everything I could to avoid a relationship with Lainey. Then he pitched the idea of me being with Lainey exclusively, while he’s with Lainey exclusively. Like we wouldn’t be doing sexual things together. I still declined because 1. he had spent so much time invalidating MY feelings on the matter, attacking my personality, pressuring me, etc. and 2. I also knew that that wasn’t what they wanted, and I told him that we would still hit that road block of me wanting exclusiveness. He had said in a previous conversation that it was like him and Lainey were on an island and I had a boat, but I wouldn’t throw them a life line because I wasn’t the right boat.

(The full conversation and screenshot can be seen here.)

He also tried to use this tactic on Maya - a girl who dated Lainey very briefly in late 2017 - in an attempt to preemptively gaslight her and discredit her, should she choose to come forward with her story about what he did to her:

Which he did, in fact, try to do later on, by attempting to accuse Maya of being a “homewrecker” for “wiggling while she was sitting on his lap” (despite not mentioning that he was the one who had placed her there, which she did not consent to, and only went along with because she felt so uncomfortable). The posts detailing her full account can be found here and here.

7. Increased emotional and psychological dependence of victim on abuser.

Greg has already succeeded in doing this with Lainey and many other girlfriends in the past, and has attempted to do this to several more. When married to Skye, Greg insisted that she not have a job outside of the home because he believes that a couple should spend most of their time together (despite later claiming that spouses who do not have a job outside the home, or at least have children, are useless). After meeting Shiloh, despite the fact that she was a celebrity in Canada at the time they met, he forced her to quit her singing career and move in with him to work for and with him full-time; to this day, over seven years later, her singing career still has not recovered. Upon breaking up with Shiloh, he dated a woman named Adrienne, who he attempted to manipulate into moving in with him within three weeks of the start of their relationship - and she almost did. And likewise, when he began dating Lainey, within a month of meeting her, he had proposed to her, rented a house in the state where she lived so that she could finish high school, and then married and impregnated her within the year, so that he could groom her and keep tabs on her until she was old enough to marry.

Lainey does not have a job, and is completely financially and psychologically dependent upon Greg for not just survival, but her very sense of identity and self-worth as a person. In fact, she is so dependent on Greg as a source of ego regulation that I wrote an entire post breaking down and analyzing my impression of Lainey’s personality matrix because I was so baffled by the extent of her psychological dependency on him. You can read it here, if you’re curious (and have a lot of spare time).

8. Punishment through anger, verbal abuse, forced isolation, character assassination, etc.

When angry with ex-girlfriend Shiloh, he pushed her into a door frame, causing her to miscarry (although some people do not believe that she was pregnant, since she and Greg had once faked a pregnancy and stillbirth):

He also forced her to shave her head bald, calling her a “whore”, “his property”, and “a good bitch”:

When Billie lied to him about smoking weed, he attempted to punish her by forcing her to dye her eyebrows green, shave off her hair (the third time he has attempted to, or succeeded in, manipulating a girlfriend to shave her hair off), get an ugly tan, be chained to his basement wall for a week wearing a sign saying “I’m sorry for lying Lainey” around her neck, and tattoo “I’m a liar” in the small of her back:

When he breaks up with exes, he also slanders and demeans their character on social media. He even does this with friends, other YouTubers, and sometimes just with people - usually women - that he doesn’t like. Including myself, by the way:

Proud moment. :’)

He made a video criticizing his ex (Adrienne) for the number of sexual partners she’s had, as well as implying that her vaginal hygiene was poor, and even made a series of videos in which he went and got himself tested for various STDs in order to imply that she was so promiscuous that she could have given him one (a video which later got deleted off YouTube when he realized how many downvotes it was getting); however, you can see her reference the video in her letter here:

When he and Skye divorced, he slandered her by calling her a thief and a liar, and continued to milk sympathy from his fans by implying that he was unfairly being forced to pay alimony, even though he agreed to the amount in the settlement, and she was rightly owed that money for her part in producing his early Onision videos.

When he broke up with Billie, he said and did several things to demean her character, including calling her a drug addict, imply that she’s “less than” for being a high school dropout who lives with her parents still, and also revealed to his entire fan base that she has an eating disorder, accused her family of being drugs addicts, and that she had been sexually assaulted and had an abortion, a secret which she had previously revealed to only a handful of close friends and family:

After Blaire White called him out for his actions, he made a video calling her so many different vile names, with such vitriolic hatred in his voice, that I actually have trouble watching it all the way through. You can really see his narcissistic rage coming out in this video.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lEVHT6No5Xc

He has exhibited this cycle over and over again with YouTuber Cyr, who he has been friends with off and on for years:

Most recently - meaning since I first wrote this post (about a year and a half ago) - he has continued in this pattern of slandering ex-girlfriends and ex-friends a further three or four times at least; and so this is the part of this sub-heading that will provide new information that was not included in my old post.

After Jaclyn Glenn began dating Richie of SocialRepose, Greg flew off the handle, making a series of insulting comments about Jaclyn’s physical appearance on Twitter and YouTube, including remarking that tall women are gross, and that had she been dating him, he never would have allowed her to get breast implants, because they’re disgusting (and she’s disgusting for having them):

Since she has broken up with Richie, Greg has now reverted to his attempts at love-bombing Jaclyn (and her friend Jessie Paege) on Twitter, hoping to reignite their friendship (and the possibility of bringing her into a new trinity with Lainey, or at least hoping that she’ll be able to give a boost to his YouTube career).

A few months ago, a close friend of both Greg and Lainey - model, actress, and member of the BDSM community Madison DeCambra - made a video with Greg about the DDlg (Daddy Dom/little girl) kink, which was received very poorly by the DDlg community. Feeling responsible for having hurt and contributed to the misrepresentation of the community that she loves so much, Madison posted a video on YouTube apologizing for any pain that her involvement in Greg’s video may have caused. Greg reacted to this by terminating their six-year-long friendship, as well as - predictably - going on a tirade of character assassinations against her on Twitter, including bringing her two-year-old daughter into it despite having previously accused anyone willing to bring a person’s children up during an argument of being trash.

These were the texts he sent to Madison, which he then posted publicly on Twitter in order to discard and defame her:

(Source)

Here is a screenshot of Madison arguing with TomatoBisquette (another former friend of Greg’s whom he has discarded, in his case for being friendly towards MrRepzion, a YouTuber who Greg hates for having called him out in the past), who had tried to make light of how upset she was when Greg posted on Twitter telling her that he was disgusted by her and never considered her a friend:

He also used the opportunity to take another pot-shot at Beck - a former fan of Greg and Lainey before she, too, was ousted from their lives - for defending Madi:

However, the worst part of this interaction is that he chose to bring Madison’s two-year-old daughter into the argument, just because he was angry with her mother. Here was Madison’s (understandably angry and hurt) response:

A recent addition to the roster of the Avaroe’s stable of ex-friends, Maya - a 19-year-old bartender who briefly dated Lainey, and who visited them for about a week over the Christmas holidays in 2017 - described Greg’s behavior towards her as being bizarrely, uncomfortably interested in probing her about her past. She felt that he was pressing her for information to use against her in the future, and described the odd, inappropriate expression of pleasure that would come across his face while he was listening to a person describe some misfortune that had befallen them:

It would take me ages to compile a list of all of the exes, friends, YouTubers, and other randoms that he’s demeaned on social media or in his videos, so instead I’m just going to provide a (probably incomplete, and still-growing) list of people whose characters he has assassinated on Twitter or YouTube:

Exes: Skye, Shiloh, Adrienne, Billie

Friends: Cyr, Andy Biersack (and his father), TomatoBisquette, Maya, Madison DeCambra, Beck, Jaclyn Glenn

YouTubers: Social Repose, Blaire White, Eugenia Cooney, Dan Howell, Keemstar, LeafyIsHere

Other: Ayallah (best friend of Billie, ex-girlfriend of Social Repose), Lainey’s family (father and sister), his own father, Luxymoo (Hailey)

9. Scouting new supply.

Before he had even divorced Skye, he moved on to Shiloh. When Shiloh left him and went back to Canada, he met Adrienne. When he broke up with Adrienne and she refused to take him back, he was texting Shiloh and Skye within 24 hours. When Skye, Shiloh, and Adrienne all refused to take him back, he then moved on to Lainey, who he had met and proposed marriage to within just a few short weeks of meeting. When he got bored of the ultimate power that he exerted over Lainey, he used her as queerbait to pull in Billie. When he and Lainey broke up with Billie - still bored with Lainey - he began auditioning new girls for a spot in his harem (Hailey/Luxymoo, Eryn, Maya, Sam, Beck). Here is a timeline of Greg’s known romantic relationships over the past fifteen years:

If Greg’s high school classmate is to be believed, however, then there are many, many women that Greg has been with that did not make this list.

And finally, here’s a funny, tongue-in-cheek chart chronicling the pattern of what happens when Greg and Lainey bring a new girl into the house:

Lainey doesn’t know it yet, but this entire cycle is going to begin repeating itself sooner or later. It’s just a matter of time. I wouldn’t be surprised if they were lowkey auditioning girls as I write this.

10. Acting as though nothing happened.

Need I say more?

#onision #laineybot #narcissism #npd #abuse #anti onision #anti o

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letmebealesbean · 6 years ago

Text

My coming out story:

I was brushing my teeth when I thought about my coming out story and that I want to share it. This was one reason why I started this second blog. I just felt like doing it so here I am.

Disclaimer: English is not my mother tongue. I am apologizing for grammar mistakes in advance.

6 years ago, in 2013, I was crushing hard on my best friend. It did confuse me, I mean, I was 13 years old and I didn’t exactly know what was going on yet it didn’t scare me. I grew up at my mom’s because the sperm donator, also called “my father”, is an asshole and I don’t have contact with him (yay, lucky me). She has a restaurant and a gay man worked there so I grew up openly with this topic. I never had a problem with it, neither did my mom. She is an open and lovely person (I love you, mom!). So coming out couldn’t be that hard, right? It wasn’t actually. I had a classmate with me, she supported me really well back then (still glad she isn’t in my life anymore though. She became rather toxic later). Anygays, I came out to my mom by telling her that I had a girlfriend. I never said the words “I’m bisexual” or anything like that. I just said I was in love with a girl. She hugged me and I laughed because I had been nervous even I knew she would accept me. And she did. I was openly bisexual, at least at home.

The thing is: You never just come out once. You come out again and again because you meet new people and of course, they always assume you are straight. But surprise, surprise. Not every human being is straight.

Though I have to say, I was comfortable with my sexuality and I never faced real homophobia. At least the first few years (I wasn’t out to my old class, I’m sure they wouldn’t have been supportive). I went to a new school after graduating because I wanted a higher education. And then I faced homophobia for the first time. Not against me though. I was out to three people in my class and I was fine with it. But then, the bisexual mess I was, I accidentally outed myself to a classmate. He saw me chatting with friends during lessons and asked what I was doing all the time. I told him that I was chatting in a group chat with my bisexual friends because this chat was a bisexual chat (it wasn’t intended to be like that, we just figured out after some time that we were all bisexual). It was stupid to say that because that included me too so he knew I was bisexual. He is rather homophobic (he once said in history lesson that European states shouldn’t let LGBTQ+ people get married. Like? FUck off?) and he started to ask me weird questions. For example if I was in love with my friend who knows as well that I’m not straight because she is my friend. And I was like ???? I’m not interested in everyone I see? But well, he wasn’t mean or anything yet some comments did hurt. Then, this school year, I had a very bad and loud discussion with two classmates who used “gay” as a slur. I was so pissed and asked why they did use it as a slur and one of them said that he had done it because gay people belonged to prison. I completely lost it and we screamed at each other but I didn’t out myself this time. I was thrown out of lessons because I was too loud but that’s it. I really started to hate them and had issues to calm down and that was the first time my “friend” said hurtful things to me. It wasn’t exactly homophobic but it still hurt. She said: “You’re not better than them when you hate them now.” I almost laughed. I said back:” I don’t hate them for being straight, I hate them for being homophobic assholes who hate me just because I love men AND women” Of course she didn’t understand it. She didn’t support me at all and this feeling of not being understood continued.

Plot twist!!

I’m not bisexual, I’m gay. I’m a lesbian. I love women. Only women. I really started questioning my sexuality again when I met a guy. He texted me on Snapchat, we continued on WhatsApp and then, after 4 days of chatting, he wanted to meet (and have sex). At first, I was kind of happy, I was excited because I’m still a virgin and I longed for closeness and intimacy but after one day of carefully thinking, I realized that I wasn’t happy. I was panicking. I had a panic attack when I thought about meeting him and later I realized this wasn’t the first time I felt like that around guys. I just never felt comfortable meeting with guys and I never actually felt attraction. I only had male celebrity crushes but probably only because I could never ever reach them. I didn’t meet with him (he was a real asshole when I told him that) and I broke the contact. I was confused for a long time because I always thought I was bisexual. I did think I was in love with a boy when I was younger and maybe I was but I just couldn’t imagine a relationship with a guy. Neither could I imagine having sex with one and then, slowly, I realized why I thought I would like guys too:

I thought I had to. I thought I would only be valid if I kept liking guys as well and not only girls. How I noticed it? I was in a bakery with two friends (the one I mentioned before, let’s call her friend 1). Friend 2 showed friend 1 and me a picture of a few guys and asked for our opinion. Friend 1 said she finds one attractive and I was silent until I said, as serious as I could:” I’m gay”. I just couldn’t find myself thinking about it because for me they weren’t attractive. Not even in the slightest. I felt uncomfortable after saying it and it got worse when friend 1 said:” I thought you’re bi?” And I said back:” Apparently I’m not” She looked weirdly at me and scoffed, like she didn’t like what I said, like it would be weird now that I realized I’m gay and not bi. She shrugged then but basically ignored me until we finally left.

Another reason why I thought that I had to like guys too: My mom. As much as I love her, I think it was easier for her to accept that I like men and women and not only women. She also thinks bisexual people are cheaters because she has a lesbian friend who got cheated on twice by bisexual women. But that doesn’t make every bisexual person to a cheater. I hate her prejudices, I really do. I even told her why I thought I was bisexual but sometime later she said:” One day you will find a girlfriend or a boyfriend.” I was confused and replied:” I only like girls, mom”. She didn’t care and just said “We will see.” Even I know she didn’t mean it in a mean or hurtful way, it still hurt. Those are reasons why I don’t feel understood. Also, I am very sensitive when it comes to different sexualities and people just don’t see the reason and say things like:” Don’t be so fucking overdramatic”. No, I’m not being overdramatic, I just want equality for everyone and every sexuality.

Anyway, I feel good now,. I know my mom loves me and that she supports me, even when I have a girlfriend. It was relieving to write this and to share it with people. I am proud of who I am!

What about your coming out story? Do you want to share it? Do you want to talk? Just text me <3

#coming out #coming out story #lgbtq #lesbian #gay #supportive mom #pride month #lgbt pride #i am proud #lgbtq community #storytime

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anuknowha · 6 years ago

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Till Death Do We Part//Chapter 5, Papers

I would highly appreciate it if you reblog it and all its lovely tags. Thank you!

As they stepped in they couldn’t help but marvel at the site of the long aisles of metal stands that contained many cardboard boxes. It seemed to go on forever, further than they’d want to go.

The door locked behind them as they each took another step in leaving them in complete darkness. This caused them both to jump.

A light slowly flickered on, it was dim.

“Hello.” a voice said from the corner nearest to them. It was a computer monitor, the screen was a bright blue.

“Welcome to the celebrity database. May I ask who you are looking for?” it spoke, its voice monotone.

“Yes-” John trailed off stepping towards it. “I would like to search for George Harrison’s news articles.”

“I’m sorry, but he is a band member of yours, you are to find him yourself if you would like to see such papers.” it replied.

John sighed and shook his head. “Of course I do. Now does that mean this is under “B” for “Beatles” or is it under our own names?”

“I suggest you check “B”!”

“B” it is mate!” John stormed off with George left behind still looking at the computer, almost admiring it.

“Ey, John, we didn’t even have such advanced technology back when I died.” George grinned as he looked around for his bandmate.

“John?” he saw him looking for the “B’s”. It was a process that took a while.

Minutes had passed, hours maybe even, and George sat down next to the computer. Occasionally he would touch it and it would respond to him with a question. He was completely taken aback by the reactions this machine would give him, and soon enough he grew quite fond of it. They soon started up a conversation, the computer telling George things such as the point of the room, and why it was created. This caught his interest and he would listen, until they were both caught off guard by John letting out a frustrated scream in the distance. George turned his head in his direction.

“I can’t find a single bloody thing in here!! I’m sure I’ve been searching hours, looking for a paper that probably doesn’t exist! I see everyone but us and we were better than Jesus! I bet his name is here, isn’t it?!” John shouted.

“Jesus. Many articles have been found, including movies and documentaries. Which section would you like to search?” The computer stated almost mockingly.

“No! I don’t want to find Jesus!”

“I’m finding all my favorite actors and actresses but I can’t find a single paper about us and its making me mad. Why can’t I just find the Beatles?”John sighed.

George couldn’t help but cover his mouth and let out a small snicker.

“Aha!” John shouted in what George assumed was a feeling of success. He had looked up and found the exact box he was looking for.

“I found them, the Beatles folder. Absolutely great!” John went in to grab the papers and found that there was nothing on them. He flipped through the entire box, paper after paper completely blank.

He threw the box to the floor in anger.

“This box says Beatles and there’s nothing in here George!! There’s not a thing in here! Everything is blank, no writing, nor is there an explanation!!” At this point he had a mental breakdown. He sat on the floor and brought his knees to his chest, and held his hands to his head.

“Are you telling me that Janis was lying!?” he said as he held back a scream.

“Would you like me to find Janis Joplin?” the computer said.

“What!? No-!”

George looked into the distance and only shook his head at the thought.

“Why can’t we find ourselves?”

The computer registered this question, it took a minute to look and search for the answer, one that hasn’t been given in decades.

“According to the system of the Information Center, members of the same band cannot view each other’s information. This is due to the fact that they are closer to each other than any other person here which only makes sense to inform them about other people. You are not allowed to see your own papers either because you more than likely know how you passed and when you passed, and if you don’t someone in here does and they are able to inform you with this information.” the computer declared.

“Than how come we can see theirs wouldn’t they know how they died, couldn’t we just ask them?”

“That is in fact true but this database was created to provide more information including documentaries that were created about them. Information that was released way after they had passed and that they are unable to find out anytime soon because of their bandmates still being alive. Yes, they can bring the information with them, but, there will always be more documentaries and movies that come out after a celebrity death and we want that to be more enjoyable, an accessible feature for all!”

The room was quiet for a while, and George could tell that John was staring at him from the darkness but he quickly turned to look back at the computer. It clicked in John’s mind that maybe there’s more in this than he knew, his curiosity brought him the thought of wanting to find new movies and documentaries of his band.

“I’m upset that this makes sense.” John commented pacing around as his mind started to race with thoughts about others who have been here, of others who have passed away and are now alive in this place. He knew a lot of these people died after him and that most of them, if not all of them, looked up to him and his colleagues in one way or another regardless if they publicly admitted it or not. He knew that his life had a big impact on everyone who was born after his time, and everyone who was alive during it.

“Hey computer, may I have Freddie Mercury’s files?” George hummed.

As John continued to process the databases methods, he picked up the box along with the papers that had fallen out before and sat them back on the self as neatly as possible.

“Yes!” A few boxes appeared around him. “These are articles on singer Freddie Mercury, the lead singer of the British band Queen.”

“Thank ye.” George nodded as he began to flip through the newspapers. He pulls one out.

“The Guardians. Hmm... “ curiosity peaked through him. He started to read, “Freddie Mercury, rock's showman incarnate, died last night, 24 hours after he confirmed he was suffering from Aids.Mercury, lead singer with the band Queen, had become a recluse at his home in Kensington, west London, over the past two years, fuelling speculation that he was suffering from the disease. He was 45.” George read out loud so John could hear.

John raised a brow, and decided to walk towards George, his footsteps becoming louder as he approached the man on the floor. He snatched the paper from his hand. His eyes scrolled through the words, looking for some cause.

“Freddie Mercury died of aids? Bronchopneumonia. Caused, by aids? Tch. How did he even contract such a thing?” John swung the papers in the air in slight disgust.

George continued to look through the papers. Finding another one that caught his attention, “Aye the New York Times.” he grinned showing the paper to John who was not at all interested.

“Freddie Mercury, the lead singer of the hard-rock group Queen, died today at his home in Kensington here. He was 45 years old. He died of bronchopneumonia resulting from AIDS, his publicity agent said. Mr. Mercury announced on Saturday that he had AIDS.” his voice lowered.

“Brave man admitting he had a disease. Most people didn’t even try to tell others while I was still around. Tragic death it was. I even felt bad for the poor chap.”

John failed to look up from the papers. He was completely indulged in the article about one of the men downstairs.

“Well, according to the papers and the channels that showed on the news. AIDS was brought on by homosexuality. I never believed it for a second.”

John peeked over the papers, his eyebrows furrowed. “AIDS? That wasn’t much of a thing when I was around. And homosexuality? Are you telling me that Freddie was gay?”

“Bisexual seemingly. And AIDS wasn’t a big thing until the year after you died, it became an epidemic, millions of people caught it and were unable to survive because of the lack of medicine. It was not at all a fun time, people would get really sick, die within months or years, some people didn’t even display serious symptoms and it ended them. A lot of the world blamed gays but it took forever for people to accept that it was more than that.” George nodded.

John took this paper, and he started to glance over it, George still digging through the boxes. As he picked up the boxes with tapes, movies, and dvds, something caught his attention. He started walking back towards the darkness to once again start searching for another Beatles box.

“So does that mean that, that guy that was standing next to Freddie was his boyfriend? Because I don’t remember any member of Queen looking quite like that.” John questioned.

“Yes, your spouse along with your band mates join you here when they pass. All are welcome. We don’t want you to be lonely in the after life, even with your band mates, sometimes you need your soulmate with you, that’s why you got married.”

“Hey George… Olivia and Yoko are going to be here eventually. My sweet sweet Yoko.” John said, a smile on his face as he hugged his knees tighter. “I miss her so much.”

Tears started to stream down his face, and he slowly wiped them away with his sleeve. He was overwhelmed with the thought of being united with both Paul and Yoko sometime in the future and he sat there in thought of what it would be like to see his two favorite people once more and be able to live with them forever this time around. He took time to remember the fun he had with the band, with Yoko, how all of them, even though broken up, were still a close knit family of four loving and caring goofballs. And even though he missed Yoko a lot, it was Paul who truly had his heart, he knew that Paul must’ve been crushed when he received the news. It happened so suddenly, he was so young, they all were, there was no signs of anything bad happening to any of them and his life was taken from him before the other Beatles all because a man wanted to end him.

He never knew why this man shot him or what he hoped to gain from it but he hated how early he left the world. He knew he wasn’t done back on earth but at the same time he knew that he couldn’t go back, he was stuck here and that’s just how it was. You live and you die and you can’t choose when you were born or how or when you die. ‘It's all about the path you lead’ he told himself many times in the past, but at times like this he would come to think something else. ‘What if this is all set in stone? That his fate was already made for him before he had been born, that he was going to die this same way unless, unless he decided to not create his band. Maybe if he had never been a Beatle he wouldn’t have lost his life so soon, maybe today, he’d still be with Paul, Ringo and George back on earth. It was a thought he never liked to have but couldn’t help but wondering too when he remembers how just him and George aren’t the whole group.

As much as he appreciates George being here, helping him through this, he still misses everyone who is still rocking out at home, his friends, his family that he knows are almost impossible to reach except for the feeling in their heart.

“What’s this?” George picked up a brightly colored dvd case, it was purple and yellow, for the background. In the foreground was a man who looked and dressed similar to Freddie, leaning back and holding a microphone in one of his most iconic poses. The title on the top was “Bohemian Rhapsody.” written in a big bright yellow font. He turned it over.

“Golden Globes winner? Biopic of the legendary Freddie Mercury.” he turned to John, who was still wrapping his head around the articles and the thoughts of AIDS being a cause of death to a famous rockstar.

“Hey John, you might want to take a look at this one.” he said holding up the dvd high enough for him to see.

John glanced over to him in the darkness, his eyes red from tears. He was not able to see him from there but he got up and walked in his direction, trying to make sure all the tears that were on his face were wiped away. He had to snap out his own mind, his own thoughts to give George his full attention.

“What is that exactly?” He spoke, still a little choked up from the last thoughts he had.

“A dvd. It's like a tape, but updated, more around my time, and they became more popular than that of the VHS.”

“Interesting.” it caught the “older” Beatles attention.

“Bohemian Rhapsody?” he squinted. “Wasn’t that the name of that Queen song? What is that?”

“Apparently, it's a movie, a “biopic” as they call it. Its seemingly a movie about the life of Freddie and how he became a star. And must I say, the picture on the front looks exactly like him.”

John tried to avoid snatching it from his hand this time, his eyes stared directly at the cover.

“How come he has a movie all about himself and we have yet to see one about how famous we were!? We were more popular than Jesus! And we still lack a film as such.” He let out almost all his rage at once and soon calmed down as much as he could.

“I want to see this.” he huffed. “How can we view this?”

“I have a dvd player. You may insert the disc inside.” a small dvd slot slides out the computer.

Without a second to waste John opens the case and pops the dvd out. He looks at the disc and than to the slot. He puts it in carefully, still confused about the process. He takes a seat.

The movie started to play, showing many different previews.

“Would you like to skip previews?” the machine asked.

But it gained no response, John was intrigued by the camera movements, bright color and clear picture. He laughed to himself.

“We didn’t have such a thing back than did we!? This is amazing!”

George glanced over his shoulder, watching the previews as well until it came to the main menu.

“Would you like to play the movie? Or maybe you want to view special features.” the computer questioned.

With John practically hypnotized by the amazing detail on the screen in front of him George had to respond.

“Play the movie please.” And with that it started, the voice of “Freddie Mercury” filling the room.

They sat there for over two hours watching the group of actors “perfectly” portray the life of Freddie Mercury. They were both highly impressed by the singing, and the staging.

The movie soon came to an end and the two Beatles were left with their mouth agape in awe.

“This was an amazing movie, I think it portrays him absolutely perfectly.” George clapped.

John scoffed, not agreeing to finding the movie entertaining. He did not want to, “lose his battle.” It was obvious he was jealous but it was something he didn’t want to make obvious.

“I wonder if Freddie knows about this… we should tell him.” George grinned from ear to ear as he headed towards the door.

“No.” John responded bluntly causing George to turn around.

“No, we aren’t going to tell him, he has no reason to know about this. He doesn’t deserve to know about it. We haven’t got our movie and as far as he knows he hasn’t one either. We can keep it that way as long as we can, it’ll save both our pride and dignity.”

“Are you sure about this John? Don’t you think this is rude? Cut a man off from his victory?”

“And? Just promise me George that you won’t say a thing to him.” John sat his elbows on the desk in front of him. His fingers intertwined and covered his mouth. He blatantly watched the screen.

“I thought you loved Queen, they were around longer than us.”

“I do, but I do not like admitting a defeat, and trust me, after everything we put into that 10 years and what I put in after it, I refuse to be outdone. I sacrificed my life to this band, I died trying to save the music that we created together and society, after who knows how long still refuses to bring us what he had clearly created. I know we can’t be replaced, and I know that no actors would even be able to “represent” us the way we had ourselves, but out of everything, the least they could’ve done was given us what we worked for. We earned a movie, we earned our legacy and we earned the money we worked for. And I know Freddie has too, I believe he has, after all he was still making music with his band long after we had. Hell, they didn’t even form until after we disbanded, and yet, they had their legacy recreated in a more recent film. Remember, everyone knew who were were, regardless of race or religion, everyone knew our music, and they would sing along to. We had a cartoon, we had movies, we had stories to tell everyone that was nothing but jokes and laughs. But now, I’m pretty sure not a lot of people remember us these days, we aren’t as big as we use to be, I can feel it. I can feel our very existence as “The Beatles” fading George and I know you can too. And with that being said, I simply don’t appreciate being surpassed by anyone.”

George reached for his friend but quickly moved away when he saw only clouded eyes in the reflection of the computer screen. He swallowed hard.

I appreciate feedback!

Taglist: @lennonwhipped @rogers-flowered-blazer @peacelennon @caviarandqueen @caminc91 @sweet-mother-love

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ghostmartyr · 6 years ago

Text

...I have lost my temper, so this is all going under a cut despite the fact that some of it clearly needs to be shouted into people’s ears. This is pure hate for a fandom I am not part of, because I hate it. Reasonableness not found.

It’s about ship hate.

Specifically, shipper hate. And why NO.

Buckle the fuck in.

...So I don’t spend time in the fandom anymore. I hate it.

But I unfortunately have friends. So I hear stuff.

So. Uh.

I despise the Eren and Historia ship with all of my heart.

Meanwhile, the people who also hate it are so fucking loud and obnoxious that I can’t hate it in peace without feeling tainted by their inability to leave people the fuck alone.

(ETA: ...Several hours later, wow. I was not kidding about losing my temper. The below was crossed out originally, and for the sake of continuity I won’t delete it, but good grief, me. Calm down. You’re not helping.)

Stop sending people hate. You take away my ability to peacefully fantasize about my NOTP burning to a fucking crisp, and you make the general perception in the fandom that anyone who cares about queer rep in the fandom is a raving jackass.

Is that remotely true? No. Does fandom perception function on truth? Also no.

Also, when people get hate, spite becomes a motivator.

Thanks guys. You’ve made the fandom even more full of that thing we can’t stand. Wow, gee, why are so many more people in favor of this ship I hate now?

Gee, I fucking wonder.

People do not stop being invested because you send them hate. Or they do, which is actually awful. Fandom’s fun. It is supposed to be fun. Let the people who haven’t completely fallen to the hate in their hearts actually have a good fucking time and leave them the fuck alone.

I hate this ship. So fucking much. But do you know what happens when I try to hate it at the moment? I feel guilty! Because every single person who actually likes it has to put up with this crap! You people being assholes is interfering with my quiet, simmering hate, and it’s annoying.

(I got calmer as things went on, so that’s crossed out in the spirit of giving people the option of ignoring the vitriol. ...There’s. Still a lot of vitriol. But. The above is probably the worst?)

And you know what? If canon were to actually make it a thing, yeah, there would be some very serious reasons to complain. But you know what else? Right now, you’re complaining about something that isn’t canon. Because it is not fucking canon. You aren’t complaining about a worrying trope within a product of mainstream media.

You’re complaining about other fans enjoying themselves in a way you don’t like.

Does it suck that the whole fucking Historia fandom would prefer shipping her with every single male character over her ending up with a girlfriend? Yes.

Does shouting at the people who still know how to have fun change how much that sucks? Not really.

Look. I hate this fandom. With all of my fucking heart. I don’t belong in it. People don’t like me, and none of the things I care about are things that it values. I spend every second I’m forced to think about this fandom consumed with hatred for life in general. Is that healthy? No. Hence the leaving.

Don’t take away people’s joy. Ever. Even if it’s for something you hate. They need it just as badly as you need yours.

Find your joy again instead of trying to tear someone else’s down. If you succeed, you ruin someone’s day/week/life. If you don’t, they’ll probably create more of that thing you hate. Which doesn’t help you in any way, shape, or form.

I would kill to find a reasonable discussion about wanting Historia to be a lesbian and being disappointed that fandom has zero interest in that. I would kill to find a serious discussion on how fucked up it is that the manga appears to have killed her girlfriend off-screen and impregnated her. Regardless of anything else, she is queer. Hell, she could be head over heels in love with NPC Farmer Guy, and she’d still be queer, and the narrative problems with her arc as it appears would still be worthy of critical discussion.

And instead of that content existing, people keep screaming at fans of a non-canon m/f pairing.

Which, even if it were canon, would be a jerk move.

Pairings being canon means that you can shout about them without hating their fanbase. That’s really the only change, but it is a significant one. When a pairing is canon, that means shouting about it is shouting about canon. When pairings aren’t canon, shouting about them means that you are shouting at their fanbase.

One of those is okay. Unless the shouting leads to direct content with the creators. The other is straight up being a dick.

Not everyone who likes m/f is homophobic. Hell, some people just like Eren and Historia together. Is that a fun thought? No. Is Eren the only character Historia has significant canon interaction with? Pretty fucking much. People will ship anything that stands in the same room long enough. It comes down to personal preference.

Most people do not have personal preferences that lead them to f/f. It sucks. Shouting about it is not going to change that. You can talk about why that is, and why misogyny and homophobia combine with discussion of queer female characters and why that doubly sucks.

People will still ship the thing you don’t like.

At best, you might make them feel ashamed about it.

Awesome. More people feeling like they’re not allowed to love the things they love.

Historia Reiss is a queer character. The entire fandom regularly screams about how she never actually had feelings for Ymir. Currently, her arc involves her girlfriend dying off-screen while she herself is coerced into pregnancy.

So, you know. Let’s complain about how people want Eren and Historia to bang. That’s clearly the problem.

Again, I hate the ship! I hate that half its shippers appear to be following me and I have no idea why (....no offense, I’m sure you’re all wonderful people, I just have a lot of hate I’m really sorry thanks for the likes)! I hate that it’s difficult to find fans who want Historia to be gay! I hate that the one person I’ve seen wanting her to be asexual said that Ymir and Historia weren’t canon! I hate that before I left, every single damn fan of Historia who cared about Historia as a person, not an accessory, seemed to be cheering for the possibility of Eren and Historia!

But you know what I hate most?

I can’t find anyone who feels that way who has remembered to treat their fellow fans with respect. The people I know who have my preferences? I know that because they scream and shout at people. They tag their hate, they send anonymous messages, and generally make people feel like garbage for enjoying a thing.

I can’t even want Ymir and Historia to end up together without feeling guilty, because I know if that happens, everyone who happens to like a m/f ship involving Historia is going to get crapped on.

I’ve wanted Historia to be a lesbian since I started this series, and I am now in a place where I feel bad for wanting that, because the people interested in her being other sections of the spectrum get treated so terribly.

The honest truth is that I left the fandom because psychologically, I am a disaster, and everything being shouted back and forth hit too close to home. I can’t handle it. I don’t expect to ever touch it again outside of my bubble, because every brush I’ve had with it since makes me miserable.

What triggered this mess of temper was one of my friends commenting that someone I know got hate for making some kind of graphic. He used hyperbolic language about how “oh so they did this so that means they’re murdering gay people.”

I don’t hold that against him, but the reason it set me off is because the perception is that people upset with Historia being the m/f bicycle of the fandom are whiny brats who deserve to be unhappy and are overreacting to homophobia that doesn’t exist.

And it’s just... anon hate is never okay. It helps nothing, and hurts people. Including the people sending it. Putting that darkness in your soul into action is just going to make it worse.

But part of what that hate has done is... it’s made it so the loudest voices of the people upset over Historia and the problems with her treatment are anonymous haters who make people who like the wrong ship cry.

That. is not a helping thing.

Historia’s portrayal in the manga is a damn concerning thing. The fact that people still argue that she never had feelings for Ymir is a very concerning thing.

The fact that people ship her with Eren might be frustrating, and even hurtful with the reminder that the majority of the fandom definitely does not want Historia to be gay, but it is very much not the thing to be loud and worried over (especially because, again, non-canon, so you’re really just picking on the fanbase itself, which has zero point except for meanness).

Maybe I’m imagining it, since I left. Maybe I don’t know what I’m talking about, since my little corner is so distant.

But what it feels like is that people complaining about homophobia has become synonymous with whiny brats with no respect for fandom boundaries. Because the people complaining about homophobia loudest are acting like whiny brats with no respect for fandom boundaries.

And that is a problem.

Homophobia still exists. Lesbophobia still exists. Biphobia still exists. From my limited contact before I left, I know that those last two are at war instead of holding hands, because they’ve fundamentally misunderstood what each side is upset about.

(Side bar I guess: People upset about lesbophobia are upset about lesbians being treated like crap. People upset about biphobia are upset about bisexuals being treated like crap.

Not wanting a queer female character to like men does not equal hating bisexuals. Wanting a queer female character to like men does not equal hating lesbians.

Meanwhile, at this point, if Historia is ever given a canon sexual identity beyond liking Ymir, a lot of people are going to be hurt for personal reasons that have nothing to do with their respect for various sexualities. Having your hopes dashed sucks. It doesn’t mean you’re a bad person. You should be allowed to feel however you want about fiction in peace.

Which leads us back to me wanting Historia to just fucking die so that no side will ever have the option of harassing another because “ha ha we were right you all suck.”

Just. Just kill the queer. It will be so much less awful that way. Kill her now.

I need this series to end and the tags to accidentally be deleted. Or on purpose, whatever works.)

Going back to... yeah.

As much as we all like to think we’re reasonable people who use our heads, when something does not actively affect you, it is easy to start taking it as seriously as you take that thing’s spokesperson.

So the fact that the apparent spokespeople for lesbophobia in the SnK fandom are a bunch of rabid anons lacking in basic respect?

That... is really sadness-inducing.

You’ve taken an understandable pain and twisted it into a frothing hate that does nothing but hurt people.

Please don’t do that.

Be hurt. Be upset.

But be kind. For the sake of yourselves, and for the sake of the things you’re trying to champion. It’ll go better.

(...And on that note, I’m really sorry for all the yelling. Which probably made a few people who didn’t deserve it feel bad. I am just a very angry person, and. ...When I say I left for a reason, this is that reason. Every behavior I’m critical of is something I have felt a thousand times worse in my heart. I want to be a bad person more than anyone in this damn fandom.

But sorry for the yelling. I know most of you guys have nothing to do with any of this. Hell, I’m not even in the fandom, so who knows if what I’m screaming about is accurate.)

#the very very very very angry post #that eventually gets to a point worth reading #but is mostly me shouting at people #like #I can't emphasize enough #that I know this is an angry post #and limited in its helpfulness thanks to that #it's an explosion #with a lot of chaos flying around and burning stuff #and it should go without saying #but this is all opinion #...this is 100% why I left #I'm not a good person #and I don't know how many time I used the word hate but it was probably too many

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jackednephi · 6 years ago

Note

Hello! Apologies for sending in an ask so late. I just wanted to reach out because I'm not in such a great place right now. I was wondering, if you found out about your being queer at a fairly young age, how you managed to stay in the closet?? (And, you know, remaining alright, mentally) my parents are extremely homophobic, and it's tearing me apart, especially because I really care about them. Any advice would be great, even if it's not much. Best of luck in everything, and thank you so much ♥️

so tumblr doesn’t always let me know when i have messages >(

that said, i’ll do my best to respond but like it’s going to be long and convoluted so imma include a cut to save dash space. PLEASE KEEP IN MIND i am polyamorous, agender/trans, pansexual, and demiromantic. so like there are various facets of my queerness and they all played into my life differently

feel free to skip close to the end for like “how to stealth” if you don’t have the spoons for like a 20 page autobiography with annotated bibliography

so finding out about being queer is a question that has both a yes and a no answer. it’s more like i was experiencing queerness but didn’t have words for it, then repressed it, then dealt with it. so it’s less “i knew ever since i could form words to describe it” and more my journey was in no way linear

see when i was little, like really little yknow when you start getting your first crushes right around prek and stuff, i had all kinds of crushes. i had crushes on multiple people at once and this has continued straight into adulthood. so, like, sign one of being poly. my friends would have one person they would hardcore crush on whereas i was crushing on people around me, characters in fiction, just like so many people. i remember listing crushes in my journals every now and then and i’d have lists of upwards and over like 20. :/ so i am in no way surprised i’m poly

so far as my sexuality, i didn’t realize i was feeling for certain female friends what i was feeling for boys. partly because i’d be like “oh i want to hold his hand” and because i saw m/f couples holding hands all the time i was like ah! yes! obviously romantic! but i never saw any f/f relationships so i didn’t make the connection that the hand holding wasn’t a friend feeling. i had INTENSE crushes on girls too, just as intense as on boys. but i was used to the media portraying rival nonsense like hannah montana and whatnot so i was like “oh. this is my situation”

there was also a lot of repressing going on because i just didn’t see that reflected around me from media to adults. all i saw were m/f relationships. i knew gay people existed but i thought they were all gay men. when i was somewhere around like 10 or so, give or take, i realized i was crushing on my best friend at the time (a girl) and was like “no. absolutely not” shoved that as far back as possible and ignored it

my demiromanticism is more born of trauma than me being born that way and that’s ok. one of my close friends found out about one of my crushes in the second grade and i was RELENTLESSLY bullied for it. every time i got a crush on somebody, i would end up HARDCORE bullied or they would get weird and things would be awful. i also had boys shove their crushes onto me and not take no for an answer. like i’d have my bra snapped painfully, bugs shoved down my shirt, my stuff vandalized, hair pulled just because i wasn’t interested

like when i was 12, somebody started a rumor that i was pregnant :/ and that’s not even covering my abusive ex or the sexual assaults so like everything kind of came together for that

then there’s my gender. which is its own bucket of worms and kind of played in with my sexuality in certain ways

my parents are boomers, born in 50 and 58. “but vann,” you say, confused “you were born at the end of 94″ and you are correct! i inherited pcos from my mother so i’ll let you put 2 and 3 together as to why i was born in 94 and my brother in 96. i say that because, unlike their peers, they raised my brothers and i radically different from the accepted cultural norms

if i wanted to wear baggy shorts, that was cool. pretty dresses? whatever. same (kind of) went for my brothers. if they wanted to spend a lot of time on their appearance, that was fine and not shamed at all. in fact, it was encouraged because it made them feel good. i played with army men, barbie dolls, cars, a train set, tools, swords, sports stuff, had tea parties with stuffed animals, drew and crafted, etc etc. my younger brother played house with me (and often suggested it himself) and would play with my baby dolls. like had my younger brother wanted a doll, they would’ve gotten it for him. but i had them so he didn’t bother asking for one cause he could borrow mine

so like there was no gender segregation of toys or activities. and that sounds kind of like the bare minimum of parenting but you have to remember that both of my parents grew up in the rural south as boomers. gender roles were violently enforced for them. but they didn’t think about enforcing them for us so far as play and, to a certain extent, dress/grooming was concerned. this created a safe environment for us to be our true selves

so for a very long time, i was comfy saying i was a girl. i played basketball after school and then afterwards would find my prettiest dress and watch scooby doo. gender expression was fast and loose in my house

i contribute that a lot to the fact that my father was too disabled to work. even before then, he had been a nurse and a damn good one. my father has ALWAYS been the go to for when we were sick, injured, etc. my mother had this disconnect with how much concern to show. it was either too much or not enough and was pretty much never helpful. even after retiring, when my nephews came around he was the go to caretaker for them. even now at 70, he frequently goes back to where the children are during family gatherings and keeps watch. much like a mother hen

so he stayed home and did the cleaning and other “wifely” duties. not cooking though because his brain just cannot. my mother worked as a high school teacher so typical roles were entirely reversed. when i was tiny and wanted nothing more than to be a parent? you go, sweetie! when i was older and wanted to be a scientist? achieve your dreams, kiddo! like they were very supportive of my goals no matter what they were

so i just??? didn’t realize????? until i hit puberty somewhere around 9

talk about body dysphoria. i went from looking like my brother and every other kid my age to wow ok there’s hair now??? and my face is all weird???? and oh no why does my tummy feel funny?????????? (sexual arousal was a TRIP to discover as a third grader that i would not wish on any child ever) oh my god WHAT IS ON MY CHEST!? and grown men are hitting on me now??? oh no i’m in fourth grade and bleeding!?

it was not a fun time by a long shot. i started wearing the baggiest tshirts i could possibly find. anything to hide my freakish body, really. so many hoodies. i would swing wildly between hyper feminine expression with tight clothes and heels and hiding everything as much as possible. part of me was smug about being ahead of my peers, for adults to be treating me as more than a kid. but a LOT of me felt like a freak

maturing (mentally) into an adult was a wild experience. i was 13 and looked like i was 21 except for my face. i did everything possible to find comfort with myself from goth/emo expression ro masculine stuff people threw “dyke” at me for and then finally, weaponized femininity. tight tops, tight pants, shortest skirts i could get away with, eyeliner so sharp it could cut god, heels as often as i could including uniform days, perfect hair. i made myself look like a hot, unapproachable goddess

finally, people were too intimidated to approach me and comment on my appearance. i wore makeup like a mask and people who had known me for YEARS were surprised to find out just how big my chest really was. but i walked with murder in my eyes and i was finally treated the same was i was before puberty - completely unapproachable

ALL THAT IN MIND, here’s how i figured my shit out

i was on facebook seeing “gay, straight, black or white, marriage is a civil right” and being typically “it’s a sacred ordinance shyaddap” about it. i ended up on tumblr about idk 15 or so? note, i’d already discovered porn by this time so i was aware that lesbians existed. like just to throw that out there that i wasn’t like totally in the dark when i made my tumblr account. i did it for school to blog about shakespeare for an english assignment. and that’s when my world expanded

bisexual? wow ok! that was a thing! and oh. oh no

there were pretty girls

and pretty boys and pretty people whose gender i had no idea. cosplayers cosplaying as the opposite gender, trans people, and a whole rainbow of people i was suddenly finding attractive. and i had a HARDCORE identity crisis

i liked girls? but was it the same as boys? was i bisexual? that didn’t seem to fit. there was more than two genders right? and trans people existed? bi? was i bi? bi?

bi. probably

but it didn’t feel comfortable like at all. but i discovered a fanfic writer who talked about being pansexual and i looked it up and everything just clicked?? into place????

not to be overdramatic or anything but it was like the stars finally aligned. it felt SO good! so many genders! and it meant all and aliens are a thing, right? who was i to say no to the possibility? but, more than anything, it felt comfortable. like a hug from my grandma. like home

i wanted to scream from the rooftops that i’d figured it out! i found myself! pansexual! I WAS PANSEXUAL! THAT WAS ME! HOME!

and then the reality of living in our society crashed down on me. i continued to talk about the guys i liked around my family but never EVER the girls. i hid my relationship with the person who eventually became my wife. to be fair, i’d hidden all my relationships prior cause i was an IDIOT and had been dating before 16. so that wasn’t hard. but what was was the breakup

previously, i’d been like “you remember that guy i like? he’s a jerk” or some other excuse to cry to my mother. but i couldn’t about cake. so i cried to my bff/twin/sister like i had everything else and moved on. and i just kind of shut up about it to everybody except those closest to me

except that hurt. here i was knowing i was queer and happy about it but people were being homophobic. i don’t know how often i cried myself to sleep after hearing about “those dirty f*gs” cause of the marriage thing. i ended up quietly coming out to my favorite teacher and she dismissed it as trauma response to my then recent sexual assault. she had seemed safe but that was her reaction so i shut up about it

up until, ironically, coming out day october 2011 just before turning 17 that next month. my mother and i were at chilis, she was being homophobic, and i screamed for the whole restaurant to hear that i was queer and the whole base found out. hard to stay closeted after that

i was pretty much out until college when i started going to church in a new place. i just didn’t talk about my sexuality. ever. period. and it was “easy” because i was dating guys. and pretty sure i was a cis woman. so i was stealth passing. and that was ok with me because i was out on campus, vocally and unapologetically

in high school, i dated a trans guy. he introduced me like in a personal way to transness, to binding. i knew i wasn’t a man but it intrigued me. and in college where nobody knew me, nobody knew me as femme fatale black widow i had a chance to explore my gender. i discovered that loose tshirts made me feel really good. as did other comfy things like shorts and sweats. sometimes i wanted to look fancy or felt like wearing a dress. really, i kind of reverted back to who i was in childhood

i felt weird when i heard my birth name. i’d gone by a nickname for so long, i just chopped off the y (vanny) to vann so it sounded more adult. it felt good. so i identified, tentatively, as nonbinary. it was around this time the trans dude i dated and i fell out with each other because he thought me playing around with my gender was like mocking his transness. or something. idk dude was toxic trash

so i wasn’t male or female then? nah that didn’t feel right. i wasn’t some third androgynous gender. but sometimes binding and passing as a man felt good and sometimes passing as a woman felt good. genderfluid then? was i a man who liked to wear dresses? no. didn’t feel right. made me uncomfortable

eventually, things clicked for me with agender the way they had with pansexual the fall of my third year of undergrad. stars aligned, the universe smiled upon me, and i was THRILLED. like gender euphoria is REAL and never before had i felt so comfortable in my own skin. i remember literally weeping with joy. like i’d been going with they/them/their for a couple years at that point

i came out to my parents about that one pretty shortly after realizing it because i was OVERJOYED. they’d been working on calling me vann for awhile at that point and the pronouns. i’ve since learned that so long as soebody has my name, 90% of the time i legit do not care what pronouns somebody uses. im aware that people perceive me differently and it’s fine. i mean neutral pronouns fill me with euphoria but like it’s fine. so long as somebody doesn’t mistake me for cis

my parents are like so great about it now. they correct people who deadname me (except my grandma cause she’s like 85 and i gave her permission years ago) and my mother straight cut contact with family members who refuse to respect me. except my brothers but like she makes it clear whenever they’re going to be awful that she WILL NOT tolerate it. like they don’t dare trash me in front of our father. he’s old now but he will backhand one of my brothers for that and they know it. so they try it with our mom and she’s like “try it again and you won’t hear from me until you apologize for trashing your sister”

i realized i was poly when cake came back into my life. that was a serious mess involving their abusive ex girlfriend but we clicked and it ended up working so yknow. that was my easiest coming out actually. my parents were like “yknow, you always seemed to love people when you were a kid. and you had SO many crushes. makes sense” which was awesome. it was the most difficult emotionally but the easiest because i’d already come out twice before so it was whatever

the demi thing was discovered in therapy. and like it doesn’t have much in the way of impact like the other things do. so i never really came out about that? there wasn’t really a point? like i talk about it when it comes up but it’s just whatever. i honestly have no idea if i ever told my family?????

WITH THAT NONSENSE IN MIND, HERE’S HOW TO STEALTH AND BE OK MENTALLY

you said homophobic so im gonna assume you’re not straight. no idea about gender and, honestly, so far as gender goes i’ve seen it’s safer to lean into masculinity than it is femininity. so if you’re amab, i don’t really have tips or tricks for that as i’m afab. with being afab, lean into the tomboy aesthetic so you seem acceptably (safely) your assigned gender. i recommend fun lipstick and nail polish colors. sparkly nails did wonders for me honestly

but for like not straightness. that’s a tightrope that is but a gossamer thread to balance. like there are ways to stealth gender expression and feel affirmed but queerness is a different animal or it was for me

so i had AT LEAST one space in my life where i was 100%, unapologetically, loudly out. like i’m here, i’m queer and flying my rainbow flag and not at all sorry about it OUT. for awhile, it was just my very closest friends in the whole world. then it was tumblr. then i made a facebook for people irl i could trust. 0 family and 0 people who couldn’t be chill about it

like having a carved space for you to just be the authentic you, whatever that is. for me, that’s all this queer mess, the polycule that is my family, my faith, my absolutely foul mouth, my mental illnesses, my love of good coffee or a glass of wine every now and then as a rare treat, the good and the bad the ugly and the uncategorizable all together. the struggle with the word of wisdom AND the love of my spouses. all of that

it’s affirming to have this space where you’re yourself and people accept you for who you are rather than what gets your engine revving. but you’ve also got to try and stealth that into wherever you can. you want a dyke spike? go for it and say it’s a pixie cut. plaids are in right now which is a lowkey signal to other queers you’re a queer too no matter your gender. just depends on what shoe you pair it with and other queers will take notice while non queers will just think you’re trendy

it was also fun for me to get that pan flag aesthetic wherever i could. like blue/pink galaxy type eyeshadow that wasn’t too peacock flashy so it looked Hot without being Obvious and a pink lipstick and yellow nails. like it was subtle but i knew what was going on and it felt good. i did the same with rainbows but i had more to work with there. like i’d have an inconspicuous notebook where i’d paint/paste a rainbow on the inside cover so that it was Normal from the outside and BAM! GAY! on the inside. did that with highlighting my notes too

i just kind of stuck it everywhere i could possibly get away with. people were excited to see me go from emo to bring colors becuase “oh wow! you’re finally not sad!” lol no i’m just stealth queer over here

i also wrote SO MUCH queer fanfiction. i didn’t publish any of it just in case but i have notebooks full of stuff. i also rped with people as a way to live vicariously through characters. i also READ a lot of queer fanfiction actually. i saved all kinds of fanart and photo manipulations of certain pairings together. like i couldn’t be out so i could have fiction where others were

i also poured myself into hobbies. i fenced, did karate, learned japanese, participated in drama club, played in a band, took piano lessons, taught myself to draw, journaled, learned to cook, read amazing books, played video games, learned to sing. like i’m sure there are other things i’m forgetting? basically, if it was EVER covered in a young women’s activity pretty much anywhere in the world, i learned at least those basic skills. like i can embroider now even

so like that’s how i stealthed and stayed sane. i was also in therapy where i was out to whatever therapist i was seeing at the time which ABSOLUTELY helped. i also made like queer playlists i would listen to. like same love, i kissed a girl, born this way, etc that i would listen to when i needed to just sink into it. music in general is super cathartic and i’ve gotta say green day, acdc, evanescence, bon jovi, etc got me through some tough shit

i also yelled at god. i yelled at god a LOT actually. like i know we get told “pray for comfort” but sometimes you need to bawl your eyes out and just SCREAM at the almighty. dude can take it. he’s god after all. he can handle our anger. it isn’t disrespectful. like if you ever do cross a line, he’ll let you know. like your thoughts will hard stop. you’ll know

but empty your lungs screaming in pain. let him know it isn’t fair, you’re not happy. beg for relief from the nightmares you’re living. demand to know if or when it’ll ever get better. burn yourself out yelling and crying and fall asleep drenched in tears. then wake up the next day and live your life and you know what?

you’ll feel better. maybe not a lot sometimes and maybe everything is cool for once in forever. but it definitely helped me a lot. like dude listens and you WILL feel better even if the things around you dont get better. you get some strength to get through and be ok and it’s super helpful

but that’s what i got. also bear in mind that i came out to thousands of people by yelling at my mother in a restaurant when all the ships were in because everybody in said restaurant texted everybody they knew and my texts were flooded in like an hour of “DON’T TELL ME YOU CAME OUT TO YOUR MOM LIKE THAT OMG” and “you’re queer!?” so like

i’m not the best when it comes to stealth queering so take my advice with a grain of salt

#long post #like reeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaallllllllllyyyyyyyyyy long post #i cannot overemphasize how long this post is #advice #i tried :/#Anonymous #anon #vannswers

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